#weakest writing youll ever see

[snekblr]

3rd low quality fanfic because im naturally bad with words

Prompt: 22. You make me so happy.

Need i repeat myself that this is not sappy?

Probably.

This is not sappy.

Note: maybe i should just stick to drawing cos ill probably regret posting this in the near future. maybe tomorrow morning

***

“What if I said I like you? More than a friend that is. “

Souji merely smiled upon hearing that. He shook his head and mentioned how he didn’t have to answer that since Yosuke’s about as straight as the pole that he crashed into on the first day of school. Yosuke didn’t seem to be satisfied with that half-assed answer and pressed on for a proper response. Souji knew it’d be pointless to try and change the subject when Yosuke was being this pushy so he decided to screw it all and come clean. With an unwavering heroic bravery, Souji replied:” If it’s really true that you really like me that way, then I guess I made the wrong choice. “

Yosuke raised an eyebrow but remained quiet so Souji continued, “I’ve liked you for the longest time, but...I’d never expect you to feel the same way towards me since I’m a guy. Witnessing how you reacted to Kanji’s shadow and Kanji himself, I’ve decided to get over you as it’s the best course of action for the both of us in a long run, to prevent me from misinterpreting your kindness as a sign that you‘re treating me...special.

Yosuke, if it’s a confession that you’re about to make, please don’t. I can’t bring myself to accept it. And...I still want us to remain as friends so please. Don’t say it. “

When Souji finished talking, he could see Yosuke is at a brink of tears. Yosuke’s vulnerable state reminded him of that one time when he hugged the brunette to comfort him. Unfortunately, Souji was incapable of reenacting the scene.

With a sigh, Souji got up and took his leave, ditching his ex-crush that was now sobbing uncontrollably.

You make me so happy when you bring up the possibility of returning my feelings. I would’ve been ecstatic to know that. I would’ve pulled you into a tighter hug than our first, I would love you more than you’d ever love yourself, I’d love you so much that I’d forget how to love myself.

But I’m sorry Yosuke. I’ve had enough of you toying with my feelings. I try so hard to mask my desire for you and yet all you do is trample over my already scattered emotions. Now I’m seen as a villain.

You’re really unfair, Yosuke.

And yet I still can’t bring myself to hate you...partner.

[squidshadow]

2, 4, 11, 12, 13?

this got long bc i hate myself, here

2) what work of yours, if any, are you the most embarrassed about existing?

patchwork, hands down. what a shitshow lmao

4) favorite character you’ve written

mmmm even though patchwork Bad, boko and sunlight were two of my favs for very similar reasons. theyre fun to write imo. outside of the pw realm, maybe dana? or… dana as she appears in eight adapts, is a better way to say it. (patchwork Bad)

11) what aspect of your writing do you think has most improved since you started writing?

i guess grammar… maybe pacing? and characterization, to a lesser degree. 

12) your weaknesses as an author

i feel like my word choice is often kind of odd? not odd in a quirky cool way but odd in the way that optical illusion of obama is where his eyes are flipped upside down and you cant quite figure out whats wrong with it. i also notice my stuff is often incredibly dialogue-heavy and im bad at dealing with especially heavy scenes. or… i can write my way into a heavy scene but im emotional constipation squared so im really bad at digging my way out of it. again with word choice, its bland and i find myself reusing the same actions over and over again. im trying to fix that but…

im scared im also just recycling the same plotthreads over and over again, if that makes sense? or just reusing the same personality for all characters, leading to them seeming especially 1d. im sure they already seem one-dimensional but i doubt the lack of variety is really helping much.

im bad at thinking of beginnings and endings to a chapter due to my writing style of Chunks.  i think in a chapter those are my two weakest parts

im sure the plots of chapters ive written seem kinda flimsy or “saved by an ungodly amount of coincidence!” which again isnt great. anyone with more critical thinking skills than a box of crayons can probably tear apart works ive made to shreds in seconds.

and i think that my plots are sort of recycled a lot as well, only within the story. a character will develop and then cycle back to square one all over again.

i fear im not creative either and that im simply just stealing from more successful people. eight adapts is really just a glorified op24 knockoff tbqh, im surprised at the reception its gotten. i think its sort of undeserved.

grammar is another thing i struggle with despite being a native english speaker and a monolingual one at that. my grammar is good enough to get by but there are mistakes there that i shouldnt be making if i ever want to actually go anywhere with writing which, again, i doubt i will. you really just have to be the best at something to make it anywhere in an art field, you know? its a silly dream for me. ive never taken a writing class and i cant meet deadlines worth shit (which you all know). everything ive learned is just self-taught since i can count the amount of friends i have on my nipples and i dont want to annoy them more than i really do. its a hobby and a way for me to just fantasize and vent really.

OH ACTUALLY THAT LEADS ME TO A NEW POINT w similar chars. i just project super hard onto them. im sure they seem immature because of that. it doesnt matter how mature i THINK i am, im really still 16 and i dont know much about the world at all. another thing to add on the “horrible at dealing with emotions” list i guess. you should write off experience, i guess, which i do, kind of. but all of the romantic happy bits are just hopeless fantasy. i dont see them getting any better nor do i see myself ever dating anyone. im kind of a mess you see but at least ill have more time to write barely decent fics about homosexual squids.

i dont know. i dont think im a bad writer, but im nowhere near good. im just decent. thats all.

13) your strengths as an author

im scared of really saying anything here because no matter what i think im good at theres going to be someone better than me, you know? theres no point in claiming youre good at something unless youre the best, otherwise youll just be getting peoples hopes up.

if i had to choose, i think dialogue, but only about 55% of it. humor to a much lesser degree since im not really that funny but its one of the few parts of my writing i can sort of tolerate.

[chamaelhyun]

so i just finished reading stephen king’s it...

... and i have too much feelings for it i think i have to write everything down, more for myself than for anything else lmao

first and foremost, bill loves georgie so much just thinking about them makes me so fucking soft??? and georgie kissing him on his cheek that day legit brought tears to my eyes knowing what’s gonna happen to him

also, stanley did not take that fucking bath i refuse to believe it no sir

“it was easier to be brave when you were someone else” - richie tozier

eddie my dear boy why would you marry your mother smh

ben loves beverly so much okay!!!!

i feel like bill and eddie’s friendship is so underrated so let me just put it right here -- bill thinks of eddie as his only real friend prior to everything that happened that summer and eddie "would have died for bill", if bill had asked him he would have just responded: “sure, big bill.. you got a time in mind yet?”

"..richie’s mouth was like a half-tamed horse that has a way of bolting for absolutely no reason at all” uhHHH IF THIS AINT THE TRUEST THING LMAO

“maybe sometimes things didn’t just go wrong and then stop; maybe sometimes they just kept going wronger and wronger until everything was totally fucked up”

“HE HAD HATED IT WHEN RICHIE CALLED HIM EDS... BUT HE HAD SORT OF LIKED IT, TOO” OKAYYYYYYY 

eddie loves bill like a big brother or a father if this isnt the purest thing ever im crying

RICHIE LIKES PINCHING EDDIE’S CHEEKS OKAY DO NOT TOUCH ME “i hate it when you do that, richie” “ah, you love it, eds” 

i’m such a trash but richie!!! winking!!! at!!! eddie!!!

uhh richie telling eddie about his ambition when they were hanging out in eddie’s garage??? good shit right here

from eddie’s pov -- richie has an “enchanting, often exhausting charm” okay

the savage bill that usually comes out when richie is being such a little shit, i love it!! “best part of you ran down your father’s leg” kids pls lmao

UGHH I’M SUCH A REDDIE TRASH BUT RICHIE??? PINCHING EDDIE’S CHEEKS??? WHILE COOING “CUTE, CUTE, CUTE”???? sign me the fuck up

stan “i think that must have been my father” the man

“it was just richie. he could drive you bugshit.. but it was still sort of nice to have him around” oh eddie spaghetti

isn’t it adorable how whenever richie says something which eddie thinks is bullshit but he isnt really sure is bullshit, he just turns to bill for confirmation??? “is there such a thing as a sift bill” 

“you know about fucking, don’t you, eds?” uhhh richie dont corrupt my innocent little son like this??? (tho of course my son is well aware thanks to this taliendo boy?? whoever he is??)

uh ben is such a genius??? youngest architect y’all. this. my son. right here.

that time when they were caught by mr. nell building the dam and everybody -- even richie himself -- was like, “shut the fuck up richie gdi!!!” and stan was holding on to richie’s arm ready to squeeze him hard if he starts being a little shit it’s like one of my faves of them idek why it’s just so funny to me??

also, richie is such a trash for bill istg??? “..maybe just seeing bill’s eyes light up with their own excitement was enough” ???

ONE OF MY MOST FAVORITE RICHIE MOMENTS (and there’s a lot considering he’s my fave loser) -- him making bill feel better and less guilty about georgie’s death and then comforting bill, tho awkwardly, when the latter started crying 

uh idk if i maybe missed it in the book or in the movie but why is almost the entire fandom saying that his parents dont give a shit about richie?? cause i think out of all the losers, his parents are fairly regular (bill said so himself) he even gets to joke around with them?? and from richie’s pov: “he could read both of his parents like books -- well-worn and well-loved books” so im really kinda confused??

“they’ll pinch my cheeks and tell me how much i’ve grown” “that’s cause they know how cute you are, eds -- just like me. i saw what a cutie you were the first time i met you” uhh richie how many times are you gonna call eddie cute?? well i dont really blame you, my son is a reaal cutie

also!!!! bev and richie’s frienship??? hello why was it not in the movie????? cigarette buddies??? my badass babies??? 

richie: “likes bev a lot. well, he likes her, but not that way.’

also richie: *blushes and flustered when bev teased him if he was asking her out on a date*

ben not believing himself when he told richie to shut up, oh child you have all the right in the world to make him shut up lmao

bill and richie are like two of the bravest losers but after escaping the werefolf from the neibolt house they both just hugged each other and cried and oh my god my poor sons they do not deserve any of this theyre just kids ffs

uhhh beverly on the plane on the way back to derry was just a mess who couldnt stop laughing and just?? if i could smack tom rogan i would gladly do so and her father too for good measure

ben and bev and eddie just hysterically laughing is my aesthetic my kids deserve all the happiness in the world pls

ben always stands up for bev he’s so sweet?? he doesnt even care much what others say to him as long as they arent disrespecting bev and i just????

my pure innocent eddie not understanding why bev isnt allowed to have boys into the house when there inst anyone else there oh boy so precious

what’s worse than frightening stan uris? offending him, that’s right

the losers have forgotten about each other for more than twenty years but when they remembered and met up again its like nothing has changed at all????

uhh richie trying to calm eddie down but the latter just rounded on him telling him not to call him eds!!! and not to pinch his cheeks!!! cause he hates it!!! and richie recoiled and just?? my heart hurts

BEEP-BEEP RICHIE

“i wish stan was here” you and me both mikey

“she wouldve died for him” why are they all willing to die for bill oh god these kids

“he thrusts his fists against the posts and still insists he sees the ghosts”

dafuq richie is really so funny istg??? im not playing favorites with my kids here but he’s so funny?? his voices are so funny i hate him lmao

The Apocalyptic Rockfight (need i say more?????)

excuse me but richie (and bev) taking care of eddie after said rockfight

bill is like the president of the losers club and richie is his right hand man am i right or amirite

I JUST LOVE HOW THESE LOSERS KEEP SAYING THEY LOVE EACH OTHER??? they’re so vocal about it and just??? idc if they were, like, brought together by this turtle to fight it,, their friendship is one of a kind and they deserve all the best thinsg in life

“stan did not have much sense of humor, and the bit he did have was sort of peculiar” UHH I SHOULDNT BE LAUGHING THIS HARD

“i don’t call you dick, as in ‘you got any gum on ya, dick?’“ OHH EDDIE STRIKES BACK YES

uhm excuse the fuck outta me but richie called eddie “my love” do not fucking touch me

“the losers are still losing, but stanley uris is finally ahead” uhhh fuck you pennywise???

I JUST LOVE IT WHEN THE LOSERS ARE BEING KIDS AND JUST PLAYING AROUND TOGETHER HAPPILY this is how it shouldve been anyways they should all just be happy and protected 

stan catching the losers’ crazy yup

BEVERLY MARSH IS BADASS WHO DONT NEED PROTECTING JUST BECAUSE SHES A GIRL YOU TELL THEM LOSERS, HON

richie being so proud of them, of his friends?? losers or not losers?? he;s just proud that theyre all together?? im so soft

"he shouldnt be down here” - richie when he heard eddie coughing when they were in the smokehole im such a reddie trash i feel like i notice every little thing between them lol

bill is eddie’s hero it’s canon

EDDIE MY BOY STANDING UP TO HIS MOTHER YOU GO SON

uhh when the losers visited eddie in the hospital and not even richie was smiling uhh why dont you just step on my heart???

“no good friends. no bad friend. only people you want, need to be with; people who build their houses in your heart.”

"it hurts, doesn’t it?” “yeah, why, sure. it hurts.” RICHIE CRYING CAUSE OF STAN SOMEBODY HOLD ME

richie asking for eddie’s aspirator and the others doing the same before they entered the house on neibolt street

UHH EDDIE IS LIKE THE LITERAL BABY OF THE LOSERS DON’T FIGHT ME ON THIS he’s often called cute (by richie of course) and often described as fragile, vulnerable and beautiful. and also,ticklish. so yup. a baby. The Baby.

“sure i can. i was alone last time. this time i’m with my friends.” SEE AN ACTUAL BABY THAT MUST BE PROTECTED AT ALL COSTS

“anyone who tries to steal your aspirator, we kill him. but we kill him slow.” oh richie just say outright that youll protect the baby itsokay son say it

“hey eddie needs help okay?” richie making sure the baby is properly assisted by the losers (ok im such a trash really, sue me)

stan,,,,, makes me so sad istg yes he’s like the weakest among the losers in some ways but he was brave enough to go with them that summer okay and that says so much about my poor baby!! “i don’t have anything” YOU HAVE YOUR FRIEMNDS SON PLS DONT HURT ME LIKE THIS

IT IS SCARED OF THESE SEVEN KIDS HA

uhh can i just say,, i love all my children,,, but no to cheating pls????

these kids are such,,, kids lmao that part where eddie wanted a lick on richie’s ice cream (i think) and richie’s like no??? germs??? sharing??? your mom wouldnt like it?? then began to eat faster and eddie’s just like, i’ll chance it. so richie reluctantly let him have a taste but snatched it away quick lmao then stan offered his to eddie

“she says henrys gone crazy” “shit you mean he used to be sane??” richie istg

baby eddie!!!!! richie’s like no eds youre not going your arm is still broken and bill’s like he has to so walk with me eddie ill keep an eye on you (and protect you and carry you on my back and)

that moment when eddie called the others fucking pussies cause he’s doing that mashed potatoes all over it and he’s got a broken arm!!!!! ahhh i love this kid so much?????

and then after when the eye is gone and richie is mimicking eddie and was like “not too shabby, eds” and eddie was all “i hate it when you call me eds” and richie just goes i know and HUGGED EDDIE and says, “but somebody has to toughen you up, eds...” I LOVE THEM SO MUCH?????

FUCKKKKKK it’s the part when my kid’s arm got cut off and my heart just hurts so fucking much????? he doesnt deseve this?? none of them does????

‘richie was weaving and tumbling toward him like a drunk at the end of a long hard night’ “--eds--” STAB ME IN THE HEART WHY DONT YOU

 “richie, don’t call me eds. you know i..i...” FUCK YOU ALL I HATE YOU ALL

uhhh lets not talk about that thing that happened so they could get out of there im still so fukcing disturbed??? 

“son, you did real good” i wouldve smacked this turtle thing or whatever had i been a loser,,, i mean???

“we gotta get him out of here” “it’s too dark, you know.. it’s too dark. eds.. he.” RICHIE MY POOR BOY MY SON MY MOST PRECIOUS SOBBING OVER HIS BELOVED

“fuck you, bitch!!!” 

ben and beverly yes its what they both deserve

“even if we forget each other, we’ll remember in our dreams”

mike went through so much,,, i mean he was the only one who stayed in derry and looked into all that happened there beginning from god knows when. he was scared as fuck when the killings started again but he put off calling the others cause he wanted to be absolutely sure it is back before he disrupts the other losers’ lives??? he wasnt envious whatsoever of the success of the other losers even though the difference between him and them is so fucking vast?? he accepted it -- that he stayed in derry for a reason and that is to call the others back to finally end it hwen it comes back. he has done all these and more. let us not sleep on him. my boy deserves all the love and recognition he deserves. 

YOU KNOW WHAT FUCKS ME UP SO MUCH IT’S NOT JUST THE DEATHS OF MY KIDS it’s the fact that after everything theyve gone through together, they forgot about each other in the end

but maybe it was better for them too. to not think about the nightmares. to not think about the lives lost. but is forgetting really better than not knowing at all?

they went thorugh so much together and in the end they’ll forget

maybe cause as richie said, “nothing lasts forever”

[maineblogpost]

Adulting wid mee <3

Random thoughts...

To whoever can read this, its a long post... Its been a while since I haven't written anything here in my blog. I've always love to write down about my feelings and emotions. It's like a relief, to be able to express yourself aside from speaking. I write not because to gain likes from people but to share something that I've learned from my experience. People would have mistaken me from 'fierce look' or from being suplada but know that I'm the kindest, sweet, and gentle person you'll ever know. Haha. BUT wait! Know also that I'm like a shell. Eager to come out and reveal myself but once I do I appreciate you. Lucky you! Lol. Hard as a rock once I've been used and abused. I will literally explode once I'm really pissed off or my patience can't contain any longer. I respect people but if you show how to disrespect me I really don't know what could I say or do, it would be in that moment. Okay, enough of self-praising and self-expressing. Maybe it's just about my look that might be intimidating but if you talk with me or engage a conversation with me you'll discover a lot about me. That is the 'go to person-to hang out with'. I'm just being honest about my opinions towards people that I've met along the way. I've always like to observe people around me whether they're real or fake with me. Either way, you are with me, it doesn't really bother me. Im was very specific or particular with choosing people. I like them being honest, doesn't stab me back, optimistic - surrounding yourself with people who are goofballs are priceless, trust me! That doesn't drain you mentally and emotionally. To whoever enjoys and wants to destroy the reputation or image of people, good luck to your soul and life of the next 5-10 years. It would be awful. Trust me. I'm so done with that kind of people. It doesn't feel so alive. I'm like a dead person inside. Empty, plain and barren life. There is no meaning. - There's more time for people to change but it takes grit. So lets moved on with that.

Heres a letter for someone who is going through tough battles. For the broken ones. For the sincere ones.

If ever you have loved someone and you were broken. You were fooled and played around. You know to your heart and you had clear conscience you havent done anything wrong. Youve fight out your feelings. Even when their will be temptations all around you. You seek advice and find comfort from people, your close friends and family not with a fuck buddy. I wanted to be really blunt here. Believe me those things are temporary. You will never be fulfilled and happy in the long run. You have to really think straight on what youre doing. You have to cut off with those fantasies, but rather facing realities. Because in the end you will know that you will hurt someone. That memory and pain will be forever with you. You have to remain strong. Being strong means you have to be vulnerable during your weakest days. Let the tears flow and heartaches go. Let it all out. They say that time heals all wounds. Youve learned a lot. Youve gained wisdom. You become wiser and stronger. You wont allow yourself to degrade one more time. To lower your standards just to please people, because you know to yourself you are not that. Out of all sinful people you were chosen to endure this maybe theres a reason from all of this. Maybe because youll know next time what to choose. Maybe you deserve better. Maybe God sees we are really never the wrong ones. If by chance youll meet the right one. Someone who will truly care for you. In order to find it, youll have to explore. Go out- meet new people and new places. It takes time and effort. Be wise on choosing one. You have to know the person very well. It would be really rare to find nowadays. You have to make sure about your feelings toward someone else. Determine if its only infatuation or real love. You know nowadays its just easy as a snap. Real and hard love isnt easy to find, its not an easy road. Its full of ups and downs and doesnt comes with easy steps. But its worth it in the end.

[jessabow]

328 days....     Feb.1.17

I'm trying to convince myself that when I write, It does not need to be poetry and line work and rhyming words or stanzas. It does not need to be pretty.. even just to mask the dark. It can just be this... words in sentences.. no extra thought into how it looks or how it reads. Not all emotions can be shared in the spoken word as poetry. Sometimes, the words just need to be.

It has been... Three hundred and twenty eight days since I have had my best friend in my arms. I don't generally look at time in the number of days, generally I try not to focus on time anymore... Because all of the X’s in my calendar became to depressing to keep track of, but I know that if I open it there will be one over every day for, I guess, the last 328 of them. The reason why I know that number know Is because at 322 some one shared that information with me.

328 days ago.... you did the dishes and I took a nap... because I was... doing that more often. Sleeping. Sleeping to avoid the feelings. Sleeping to avoid life. I was letting the depression and anxiety win again. I was letting it eat me. It was causing us to fight... a lot. You didn't understand, you where only trying to help and I was pushing you away for caring... something I was really, really good at. I can’t even tell you if I can count on one hand how many times I left you in the months before. You never took it... you fought tooth and nail for me and that both made me love you more but also aggravated the hell out of me. Just to be honest. I knew you were it for me though, that's why the “breaks” never lasted more than a day and more than once you had to pick me up, a drunken stupid mess, off of the floor and tell me it was ok and you weren't holding it against me so why should I get to hold it against myself? We always picked up like the fight never happened and I loved you for that.

I'm not sure I had a real reason.. 328 days ago, to be depressed or have the anxiety. Maybe it was the transitions happening in my life. I felt stuck, but also exactly where I wanted to be. I was happy but sometimes I wasn't sure. There was stress with the kids and with life and, I just couldn't handle all of it. So you did dishes and I took a nap. When you woke me up, to let me know you had... we will call it an errand to run... I was so... unconcerned. Rephrase. I was concerned but so wrapped up in my own little pit that I brushed it off at your words. I didn't even tell you I love you as you walked out the door. I didn't even get out of bed to hug you. I didn't even.

328 days ago.. you were supposed to be home, an hour at the latest. 328 days ago.. I thought that was the weakest I could ever feel. 328 days ago I thought that was also the strongest I could be. Boy was I wrong.

So you've been running your, errand, for three hundred and twenty eight days. The front door has not opened and been you. I have not felt you, or breathed in your scent, or watched you sleep, or watched you watch me pretend to sleep to see if you did that too... for 328 days. I just want you home. I just want my best friend. I just want to be able to stop being strong. I just want the depression to die and the anxiety to quit and the regret to stop eating me. Eating me alive. I just want to collapse in your arms and know its over. I had to pick myself up out of the pit. I had to fight every day. I stayed strong for you. But its getting harder. The tears come in swells now. I sleep, all day, unless you call. I stay in my pajamas.

Its just funny. 328 days ago I had you, and was falling apart. Now I'm falling apart because I need you and cant have you right now. Funny they say you don't know what you had til its gone. Atleast I didn't really have to lose you. Youll come home eventually.

I cant promise the depression or anxiety will go away but, it will never put a bridge between us again. You taught me without meaning to how strong I can be. How brave I can be. How independent I can be. I'm ready for the lesson to be over. I'm ready to not have to be all three of those all day every day anymore.

I just miss you. I yearn for you. I ache for you. Your my everything. Your my best friend. Your the man I'm going to marry. I'm losing my mind over here you know. losing my mind. The pieces are falling apart. I hope we near the end. Before I really do crumble.