#we're probably going to delete this at some point

[bean-pronounced-bawn]

My pathophysiology textbook follows a pretty standard pattern in each chapter. Module 1 is The Topic, module 2 is What Happens When The Topic Gets Fucked Up, then module three is Clinical Models of The Topic. Each clinical model also follows a pattern, where is goes over the pathophysiology of the disease, the clinical manifestations of the disease, the diagnostic process, and treatment.

One of the chapters for this week is altered nutrition, so module 1 talked about macro/micronutrients and how digestion and absorption works, and module 2 talked about undernutrition, malabsorption, allergies, and overnutrition. In the clinical models, along with things like a.norexi.a nervosa, iron deficient a.nemia, and p.henyketonuria, they talked about o.besity. And I thought it was wild how they managed to call o.besity a disease while not giving anything to show how it's a disease.

As expected, they called it a concerning epidemic yada yada, and then in the pathophysiology section they basically explained the mechanisms of fat storage and said that ob.esity is a complex multifactorial condition where genetics influence 1/3, neurohormonal messages and hormones play a major role, and lifestyle factors (they talked about socioeconomic status and environmental factors involved, which was nice ig bc I 100% expected it to be just "these people eat too much"...). Which, yeah, that's how fat storage works and what influences it, but that doesn't tell me anything about how it's a disease. Compare that to anemia, where they talked about how iron is requires for hemoglobin synthesis and electron transport, and how deficiency is more common in people who menstruate (the book confuses female/woman, so they say women, but whatever) because of blood loss, and how a lack of iron directly leads to chronic hypoxia resulting in lack of function of organs like the heart and skin and brain and such. For o.besity, other than "people are fat," they give nothing for how this constitutes a disease.

Then in the clinical manifestations, they say "excess body fat" (wow), and then talk about comorbidities, some of which I know from other class research projects have been shown to have no statistically significant correlation to weight (joint issues). While these may be influenced by being fat, none of these are inherent aspects of being fat the way hypoxia is an inherent aspect of anemia. You can be class 3 o.bese and never have any of these problems. You cannot be clinically anemic and not eventually experience hypoxia (anemia has slow onset symptoms as tissues go longer without adequate oxygen, so you can be diagnosed without symptoms if it gets caught early or isn't clinically significant). That's like saying being female is a disease because there's a correlation between autoimmune conditions and the female sex, thereby making autoimmunity a comorbidity of being female. Like, you can say being female is a risk factor to developing autoimmunity, and you can say being fat is a risk factor to developing these conditions, but it's weird to say it's a disease on its own.

The diagnostic criteria talked about BMI uncritically and talked about diagnosing the comorbidities, which, whatever. We knew they had nothing to say about being fat itself. Then in the frickin treatment section, after having the whole conversation about all the different factors that go into being fat and how complex of a condition it is with multiple etiologies, they talk about drugs that suppress appetite, and diet and exercise as a treatment. (Along with chopping off your frickin stomach and all that fun stuff). Aside from the fact that diet and exercise doesn't result in long-term weight loss and that short term weight loss results in more long -term regain and that weight yoyoing has stronger frickin correlations to all the comorbidities than weight-maintained o.besity does, they literally said that lack of diet and exercise is a small part of weight determination and then said "well if you diet and exercise you'll stop being fat 🤪✌️."

Like, not only did they directly contradict themselves, but they have given me no reason to think o.besity should be considered a disease. The one thing that they could have expanded upon was that adipocytes modulate pro-inflammatory cytokines (they promote inflammation), but they didn't talk about it beyond one sentence, so I don't know how that impacts body systems. Does it trigger inflammation? Are fat people in a perpetual state of immune response? Does it damage nearby tissues? How so? Does it increase the response-ability of the immune system, leading to increased risk of overreaction? Does it increase stress signals like cortisol, leading to the whole cascade of damage that cortisol is known to cause? We'll never fucking know because the only concrete potential evidence of the damage ob.esity might cause was part of one sentence.

[nervocat]

I want to delete my account.... disappear for a bit........ but I WON'T I WON'T I WON'T I PROMISE

[plusultraetc]

423 spoilers in the tags <3

[tvuniverse]

Listen i just want to preface this by saying I don't even personally hate Tommy, but that's not really the point i want to make so here goes nothing.

The way a lot of people act as if it's impossible to dislike him because the characters have moved on so so should we, right? and that's the thing right here, as poc we're always being told to move on. We can't express our feelings, we can't hold grudges, we can't complain about issues without making it something more than it is, we always have to just... move on.

I know people are going to say it's just a show, it's not that serious, but the issues it touches on and the way fandom speaks on those issues are.

I've seen a lot of comparisons between Tommy and other mains, how each of them are flawed and have screwed up one way or another, and you're right, but it's still unfair to compare him to them. We've seen each of the main characters experience guilt, or be ashamed of their action, we've seen them apologise, put in the work to actually grow, and they have. There's not enough time in an episode for us to see that for side characters. In this case, Tommy didn't do any of the above and that's normal, he was a plot device to show some very real societal issues, and especially what people of colour/women might go through in the workplace, and once he served his purpose he didn't get much more beyond a few scenes where it seemed like everything was fine between him and chim/hen. It would be more appropriate to compare him to the buckley parents, (who appeared in more or less the same amount of episodes) like if people suddendly started saying no one is allowed to hate them because they got their redemption, their kids more or less forgave them, they more or less tried to be better parents. And yet it's still not enough for a lot of people, because how they treated their children, the shit they've said to them, hits a little too close to home for a lot of people and so no matter what the show says or does, they'll still be mostly hated by the audience, and that's more than okay. But if margaret buckley is your favourite character than by all means be my guest. And listen, i love this show, it's all about hope, and it means everyone gets a redemption arc, as short as it is (sometimes even just a sentence lol), but we won't always be satisfied with these arcs, especially if they don't feel proportional to the hurt the characters may have caused to our mains, so we'll all have different reactions to them.

I swear liking a morally ambiguous/grey character says absolutely nothing about you, but making excuses for them, antagonising people who might dislike them (for good reasons) or acting like suddenly triggers don't exist for people, does say something about you. One of my favourite characters is literally the worst person ever, an actual bigot, but i won't ever write essays about why people are not allowed to dislike him actually because he's my babygirl.. i very much understand why people would.

All of this to say, everyone will have different opinions about Tommy. Some might love him, some will be completely neutral or at worst slightly uncomfortable/bothered by him, and some will straight up hate him, and all of these are fine. Live and let live, love whoever you want to love, and hate whoever you want to hate, but please stop trying to dictate how others should feel, i'm begging. And this really does go both ways.

[flame-of-tar-valon]

why am i even here tbh

[aphel1on]

i get soo mad every time a new hydro character gets announced or leaked and it's not a hydro claymore lmao. idk what part of my neurotype i can blame this on but it drives me up the fucking walls that it's been this long and it's now the ONLY weapon/element combo unaccounted for

[mantisgodiveblog]

We probably should not make a post on here every time we try and work on getting our stuff to postability, but we do want to assure people we haven't straight-up abandoned this project. Unfortunately, we also have... negative time right now, between kitten season bringing fosters, October bringing writing and art challenges, and monetary issues forcing us to seek out modes of being paid (which in our case, is 4-6 hours of Course that we can get a grant to go through).

Though we are still slowly chipping away at things, and Gaining Skills The Government Wants To Be Better Represented means that we have gotten some degree of "semi-disposable income" (technically a one-time payment but falls into the category of "there'll be more later in the program and it's meant to get us through the year and buy anything we need to attend and we already had most of this junk on hand from the last time we did schooling"), we really, really don't have the time to do almost anything that isn't necessary for keeping us or a resident animal alive, and we're dedicating the hour or so that we have free to either socializing or working on October art challenges.

We're working on it, slowly. There probably isn't going to be enough time in the day for us to breathe until the holidays, and what small work we can do on this probably won't result in anything for a while yet. Though we would dearly like to be capable of dedicating more time to porting and liveblogging here, the chunk of backlog we have is stuck in Discord not because we didn't want to chat about it in more active time, but because typing things out on our phone during lectures and public transport is functionally what we have as free time right now. If you have the time, we've been writing regular, non-liveblog fic you can read. If you don't...

In theory, the next time we'll have the chance to breathe is in about a month and a half in the winter holidays, and in practice, it might be longer. Having to deal with institutions like this is wretched for our mental health even if we aren't dealing with incompetence in people older than us. There's a multitude of reasons none of our previous ventures into academia have ever resulted in a degree, and we're in the thick of it right now. For now, even if we can manage periodic updates... god, we'll be real with you. We generally try to keep things as private as possible, and we may regret being as specific as this later, but at this point down the road, we're so far past done that sticking a fork in us would evaporate it.

We have a very, very long fuse, and a lot of patience, and that has been starkly necessary for the vast majority of our life. About a month of four to six hours of class, in combination with general issues with an ongoing Incident only ending a month or so ago where an admin of a specific Discord managed to exacerbate some key issues with two of our closest friends to the point of causing multiple panic attacks, in combination with money issues from everything in the world getting simultaneously worse and more expensive, is rapidly bringing us to the end of it. We do not believe that we can provide a decent liveblog if we are constantly on the verge of clawing someone's ears off, and quite frankly, we don't think we're going to have the time to sink into a project that requires a computer until we have enough time to make a meal that is more complex than fried dumplings.

We thank you for your patience. We certainly need it, at the moment. We will be back at this the moment that we are capable, and trust us, we would not be absent if we weren't capable. We hope and trust things will get less miserable soon. We hope and trust

[slavicafire]

losing my mind. gamedev is a cesspool, we've known that, but somehow polish gamedev takes the fucking shit cake. many of you probably heard about it already but I need to rant all the same and I waited long enough just to be safe.

so there's this studio, they're looking to expand their team as they're committing to a bigger project now. lots of people are looking for work so everyone happily accepts the interview invites from the main dude from the company. on paper, all looks great: there's some confusion about the project and the money and the expectations, sure, but that's a given in this field. things are always confusing.

and then, halfway through whatever recruitment conversation you're having with the dude, no matter the position you're getting interviewed for, he hits you with the main point - all with crass emojis and shits and giggles:

the game is about a sauna. so the main expectation is for you to take part in sauna sessions with the team, and with him. hehe, nakey nakey, tits out, we're all friends here so you shouldn't be embarrassed! if you don't want dudes seeing your tits and junk, hehe, we can offer you to only go to the sauna with the ladies in the company - they'll take care of you, wink wink! but nude sauna sessions with "asses out, haha, like a nude sauna larp" are the main expectation.

and he sends you nude photos of models at the beach to "show you the beach that'll be the backdrop of some scenes". tits out, have at it. if you're a woman he starts making stupid ass innuendos. if you're a dude he tries to start some sort of camaraderie over the whole thing. he makes inappropriate jokes asking if maybe you have some lady friends working in game dev looking for work, too.

the dude is now frantically editing all the public linkedin posts he made about it. deleting the recruitment offers. he's so fucking surprised he was met with disgust and resistance and somehow no one wants to sign with him... what the everloving fuck.

[222col]

is it casual now? | part 2

★ patrick zweig x reader ★ part two of this - based on the song 'casual' by chappell roan ★ 5.7k ★ 18+ | inc: angst, smut, fluff, f oral, unprotected sex, choking, spitting, breeding, smoking, drinking, drugs ★ an: patrick is a college student & also has a sister for context

your grades had slipped, your drinking had gotten worse, your body count had gone up. your focus and energy stripped away from you in one conversation with patrick zweig. you were smoking out your dorm window, rather than just usually at parties. going through bags of weed alone, rather than at the park with some friends. you faked smiles and acted like your world wasn't shattered the minute patrick left you dorm room all those months ago. your friends hadn't noticed how badly you were struggling, putting on too good of a facade for anyone to dig past. you hadn't seen patrick once since he left, not even at parties or around campus. one of your friends heard he'd dropped out of college, but you didn't know how true that rumour was, although you wouldn't put it past him. he never was too interested in classes, more the parties and the tennis. he'd told you once that college was his parents' idea, not his. but, you still couldn't bring yourself to believe that he may have well and truly left.

patrick was on your mind often, when you'd find an t-shirt of his in your laundry, or someone walking past you was wearing his cologne. you'd blocked his number the morning after he left, knowing you'd probably drunk call him if you didn't delete it. his sister calls you sometimes, asking about college, telling you about school, but she never mentions patrick. neither do you, you don't want him to find out you're asking about him. can't face the embarrassment of him thinking you're still pining over him. you always end her call and immediately roll a joint, needing to numb the pain after remembering patrick's actions.

as another friday rolled around, you began your weekend routine. showering, smoking a cigarette out of the window, towel in your hair. doing your make up at your desk, drinking a few cans of whatever was cheapest before slipping into the smallest skirt and top you could find that was clean in your wardrobe. drying your hair, packing your purse and walking over to whatever fraternity was hosting a party that night. meeting your group of friends, stealing a bottle of liquor from the kitchen and sitting outside in the garden. lighting another cigarette as you all shared the stolen alcohol. "do you always have to show us up?" one of your friends laughs to you, passing the bottle along. you laugh back, rolling your eyes. "i'm not showing anyone up. we're all hot." toking on the cigarette, legs crossed on the plastic chair. all of you gossiping about your weeks, pointing out the cute boys inside and laughing your way through the liquor bottle. stubbing out your cigarette, a blonde boy walks outside. "hey, art." your best friend smiles to her fellow tennis teammate. your breath hitches, half expecting patrick to follow him out, they used to be attached at the hip. but art's alone. "what, no patrick glued to your side?" your friend teases, met with a slap to the arm. "i thought we said no mentioning he who shall not be named." your best friend whispers in her ear.

art laughs at your group, lighting his own cigarette. "no, no patrick. he dropped out a couple months ago, haven't seen much of him since." holding in any form of a reaction to art's words, apart from sipping on the vodka you stole. "hmm, interesting. why'd he drop out?" one of your friends asks, as your best friend slips her hand into yours. "not really sure, he just said he couldn't be here anymore, said it was too hard for him." art replies, pulling up a seat with you all. "the classes?" someone asks him. art shakes his head. "i don't think so, i think something must have happened that he just couldn't get over." standing up abruptly, you march inside the house, locking the door to the bathroom behind you. gritting your teeth, head leaning back against the door, holding back your tears. trying to persuade yourself that it couldn't have had anything to do with you. refusing to let your mind wonder, slipping down the door, sitting on the cold floor. did patrick actually feel bad? could he possibly have left college because the sight of you was too hard for him to get over? your mind racing, trying to ignore all the feelings rushing to your brain. you pull yourself out of it when you hear someone saying your name and knocking on the door.

you see the blonde locks before you realise it's art, opening the door fully and letting him join you in the bathroom. "hey, are you okay?" he asks, as you sit down on the side of the bathtub, art joining you. "yeah, sorry, i'm fine." art tilts his head, looking for the real answer. "is this about patrick? i know you guys used to hook up." you can't hold back the scoff, patrick really did never describe your time together as anything more than a hook up. fiddling with your hands, so anxious to be talking about patrick for the first time in over six months. "you know patrick told me he loved me once, while we were hooking up." you start, eyes glued to the floor. "in the bathroom of a restaurant, while his parents were still at the table." you half laugh, as art breathes out. "then when i asked him about it, after he'd kissed some girl at a party i took him to, he just told me he didn't mean it, and that i was nothing more than a fuck buddy to him." art immediately starts to apologise, genuinely disturbed by his friend's actions. "he left me crying on my bed that night, and i never saw him again." nodding your head as you look art in the eyes. he sighs, stroking your back as he apologises again. "so that's why he left." art breathes out. you shake your head in response. "i meant nothing to him, he wouldn't have left because of me." art's hand stays on your back. "patrick gets scared when real emotions come into play, he runs from them. this time he must have just physically ran away from them." tears well up in your eyes, holding your head back, trying to stop them from falling. "i can't think about that, art. he's gone, he's obviously not coming back. i need to try and move on." you respond, standing up and readying yourself to rejoin the party. "thanks, for coming to check on me, and for listening." art smiles sweetly to you, standing up to follow you out of the bathroom. "anytime." closing the door behind you two as he leans down to give you a friendly hug, before you rejoin your girls outside. distracting yourself with more drinks as you attempt to glaze over what just happened, letting your friends lead the conversations and join in the drinking games occasionally. heading home when the sun starts to come up, stumbling into your room, passing out on top of the blankets.

art wakes up the next morning with one thing on his mind, patrick. specifically how patrick treated you, and why he's been hiding everything from him. brushing his teeth before calling his best friend. "a-art? why are you calling so early, are you okay?" patrick's groggy morning voice answers the phone. "patrick it's literally 11am." art replies, pacing around his room, phone to his ear. "whatever, what's up?" patrick mumbles. "why didn't you tell me what actually went down when you left?" art questions, blunt as ever. "what do you mean? i told you, it got too much." art sighs in response. "yeah, but you never said what got too much." it's patrick sighing now, he'd managed to avoid this conversation for all this time. "it was because of her, hasn't it?" art almost whispers into the phone, patrick silent, art speaks your name through the phone. "you left because of what happened between you, didn't you?" patrick still silent, knowing he had to face the music. "yeah," he whispers, voice low. "i couldn't do it anymore, it was killing me to see her around." art hums down the phone, listening to patrick's confession. "how'd you realise?" patrick questions. art explains the conversation you had with him at the party last night, telling patrick how hurt you looked, how upset it made him to see you like that. "she's not doing good, pat. you really fucked up." art tells him off, still walking circles around his room. "trust me, i know." patrick admits to his friend as art asks him, "do you regret it?"

"very much so." patrick replies, without missing a beat. his voice softening with his reply. "apologise and get her back then?" art words phrased as more of an instruction than a question, hearing patrick breathe out heavily. "it's not that easy, art." art slumps onto his bed, aggravated with his friend. "patrick, if you miss her, get her back. she clearly misses you." his words sharp, letting patrick understand the situation. "she was never mine to begin with." patrick chokes on his words, art's never heard him like this. "yeah, and who's fault was that? just don't make the same mistake again, you clearly really like her." art argues back through the phone. "i love her, art." patrick finally admits, his voice soft and quiet, softer than art had ever heard him. "i know you do buddy, that's why you gotta come home and get your girl back." art finally matching patrick's tone. "what if she doesn't want me anymore, art? i fucked up so bad, and hurt her so much. i couldn't cope if she didn't want me." art can hear patrick's quiet sobs as he cries out the words. "look, i'm pretty sure she's not gonna do that, but if she does, i'm always here, okay? i wish you'd have just talked to me in the first place." patrick sighs through the phone before responding. "i know, okay, i'm gonna pack a bag and jump in the car now." patrick says through sniffles. "i'm gonna need your help with this, art."

waking up, head banging, yesterday's make up still on, your room a mess. typical weekend routine continuing. rubbing your eyes, sitting up in bed, checking your texts through squinted eyes.

hey, do you wanna come watch tennis with me today? ur best friend's crush is playing lol if u wanna bring her along. we're all hitting up the dive bar off campus after

you read the text from art, you couldn't think of anything worse than sitting in the sun on the bleachers watching tennis right now, but you know how much your best friend liked this guy on the tennis team. you also know how shy she is about it, despite everyone knowing about her crush. so you of course, as a good friend, accept the invitation.

yeah sure, what time? :)

art tells you the match starts in a couple hours. downing a bottle of water before calling your friend to tell her the plans then jumping in the shower. putting on some make up, jeans and a tank top, placing your sunglasses over your eyes and heading off to meet art and your best friend. a couple girls from your group sit together on the bleachers, as well as the other tennis players that art knows. "you not playing today, art?" you ask him. "nah, my match is tomorrow." nodding your head as your friend starts blushing at the sight of her crush on the court. the game lasts a little while, your friend's crush ended up losing. your hangover finally disappearing as you all head over to the bar. cramming around a couple tables, the big group of you all share drinks and laughs, discussing tennis and college antics.

"where's my blondie?" that oh too familiar voice comes through the door. your body sinking, looking to your best friend for comfort. your back to the door, hoping, praying that it's not him. art's sat two chairs away from you, smile spreading across his face as he turns on his chair. "tell me it's not him." you mumble, grasping your friends hand. her gaze soft, just nodding her head at you. art's engulfed in a hug, those brunette curls are unmistakable. "oh have i missed that face." patrick's words echo around the bar, everyone laughing at the reunion, still facing away from the two of them. as though if you don't look at him, you don't have to accept that he's actually here. he and art walk over to the bar, catching up and ordering drinks. "i need to leave, i can't be here with him." you start standing up, being pulled back down to your seat. "no, you can't give him the satisfaction. you're staying." your knee bouncing up and down as your favourite drink is placed in front of you with a napkin. you don't have to look up to know patrick placed it there, as he and art sit back down on the table. you sigh, pulling the napkin under the table to read the note.

i would have just text you, but you blocked my number. meet me at the park at 10pm?

scrunching up the napkin, you place it in one of the empty glasses on the table. looking over to patrick finally as you do. his eyes locking on yours, mouthing 'please' to you across the table. you roll your eyes and turn back to your friend, telling her what the note said. "you're not going." she instructs you as you sip on the drink patrick bought you. "i know i'm not." you say, eyes drifting back over to patrick who's deep in conversation with all the boys who play tennis. "would you kill me if i did?" you breath out. "yes. yes i would." she laughs, your head falling on to her shoulder. "you're gonna go, aren't you?" her tone is soft, you can feel her shaking her head. "yeah, i am." she simply pats your head. "you're a lost cause." she laughs, the two of you reentering the groups conversation. all the boys at the table gushing over patrick, leaning on his every word, all of your friends are weary of him, subtly giving him dirty looks, smiling at you whenever they do. patrick commands the room, his charm working on everyone at the table, as it always has.

everyone finishes up their drinks around 9pm and heads home, your best friend following you back to your dorm. brushing your hair and reapplying your make up, picking up a hoodie from the floor and slipping it over your head. "just be careful, okay? don't believe everything he says, i'll wait here for you until you get back." your best friend tells you, hugging you before you leave. "and whatever you do, don't fuck him!" she shouts as you close your door behind you. your heart is in your stomach as you walk towards the park on the edge of campus, the path lit by streetlights in what would otherwise be complete darkness. hands in the pocket on your hoodie as you see the park in sight. and there he is. leaning on the wall by the entrance, a toothy grin plastered on his face as he sees you approach. smiling slightly at him as you stand before him. "i'm so glad you came." patrick says sweetly. "why did you ask me here?" you ask, following him as he leads you to a bench in the corner of the park. "this is where we first kissed, did you know that?" he says, the two of you sitting down, his arm resting on the back of the bench behind your head. "mmm, didn't realise." you lie, of course you know that. you've spent hours on this bench in the time he's been away, journalling, listening to music and only sometimes crying.

"we walked here after the party i met you at, we sat here on this bench and talked for hours, before i finally got the courage to kiss you." you scoff at his words, lifting your legs up onto the bench to sit cross legged. "you didn't need courage patrick, i've watched you kiss a girl after two seconds of meeting her." his fingers are inches away from the back of your neck, desperate to touch you. "that's different, you were different." you're shaking your head now, hands reentering your pockets. "i liked talking to you, i hadn't felt like that with someone i wanted to kiss before." he brings his leg up onto the bench, directing his body to you. "oh wow, you were actually interested in what i had to say, that's so kind of you." patrick says your name. "please, this isn't what i asked you here to talk about." his hand fiddling with the hem of his jeans. "well what did you want to talk about, patrick? because i don't have much to say to you." you return, your body shifting to the same position he's sat. finally looking at him, a smile spreading on his cheeks as you do.

it slowly fades as he begins talking. "art told me what happened at the party last night, he called me this morning cussing me out for how i treated you. telling me he knew why i ran away now." your head dips, looking down to your lap. "and he's right, i treated you awfully. you didn't deserve it, i was a piece of shit." he laughs, lifting up your chin to look you in the eyes. "i'm sorry, i'm so sorry. it was one of the worst things i've ever done, leaving you like that." his hand stays on your face, stroking your cheek. "and it is why i left, i was scared. because i did mean it, what i told you in that bathroom." your lip quivers at his words, desperately trying to not fall for his games. shaking your head and moving from his hand. "you're just saying that to get what you want." you tell him, eyes welling up. "i'm not, i promise you. i'm telling you because it's true, i was scared and stupid and thought i didn't deserve you." his eyes honest, his leg bouncing, hands fidgeting. "i tried to stick it out, but every time i saw you around and at parties, i couldn't handle it. i couldn't deal with how i felt, and how i let you slip through my fingers." quiet tears from your eyes, his hand moving to wipe them away. "so i left," patrick continues. "i went back home and tried to ignore how i was feeling, but when art called me this morning, i realised it didn't work. because," patrick takes a deep breathe. "i love you."

more tears fall down your cheeks, gulping before you think about speaking. "you hurt me so much, patrick. hearing what you told your friends about me, having you tell me to my face how casual it was after you told me you loved me during a weekend meeting your parents." his fingers tangle between yours, too hurt to move them away from his. "i thought i was the stupid one, for believing you could think of me in anyway that wasn't just some girl you fuck." his eyes welling up now too, listening to you intently. "and i'm still being the stupid one, coming here and meeting you the second you come back, because i missed you so much and i love you." you barely recognise that you're saying the words until it's too late. your lip between your teeth, watching the tears fall down patrick's face. "you do?" he smiles through the tears, laughing as you gently hit him on the arm. "of course i do, you idiot."

his fingers grasp hold of yours tighter now, wiping his tears on his sleeve. "i can't believe you've got me here crying, confessing my love to you." he laughs through his sniffles. "i know, what's happened to the patrick zweig that didn't care about anything apart from tennis and art donaldson?" you laugh, wiping your own tears from your cheeks. "shut up." he laughs at your words. "i know i've got a long way to go to get you to trust me, but i really care for you, and i really wanna give this a go." patrick says, his hands still fidgeting with yours. "my best friend is going to kill me." you laugh back at him, hand caressing his cheek as he leans into your touch. leaning towards you, meeting him half way as his soft lips crash into yours. pulling your body towards him as your lips move in unison. "you look really hot in my hoodie, by the way, cute that you kept it." he whispers against your lips, snapping your head down to the jumper on your body. realising 'stanford tennis' is printed on the centre, bursting out laughing. "oh my god, i didn't even realise, i just picked a hoodie off the floor before i left." hiding your face in his neck as he pulls you into his arms, holding you there for a short while. breathing in your scent, hands balled around the fabric of your hoodie, not wanting to let you go.

your name leaves his lips as he gradually releases you from his grasp. "i really am so sorry, you know? i'll never get over how much of an asshole i was." you smile to him, moving onto his lap, arms snaking around his neck. "i know, it's a good job you're so charming, otherwise there'd be no coming back." you laugh to him, patrick laughing softly in response. "can you actually admit that you remember this bench, now you're not as angry with me now?" he jokes, tickling your sides. "patrick, we literally had sex on this bench that night, how could i forget?" the two of you laugh into each others bodies. "god, you're actually my dream girl." patrick utters, blush creeping onto your cheeks, leaning down to kiss his lips. "shall we go home?" you ask him, standing up from his lap, holding out your hand for him. smiling sweetly as he laces his fingers through yours, following you back to your dorm. unlocking your door as patrick stops you before you push it open. "i just wanna say, i promise to never make you feel the way you did last time i was in this room, ever again, okay?" he tells you, hands holding yours, pressing small kisses to your knuckles. nodding your head softly at him as you enter your room.

"oh, i am going to seriously kill you!" your best friend laughs out, completely forgetting she had offered to wait at your dorm for you while you went to meet patrick. jumping up off your bed, she laughs and shakes her head at you, patrick attempting to hide behind your smaller frame. "i know, i know. but-" you start, cut off by her words. "and you, patrick zweig!" his hands up in defence, smirking at her words. "don't get me started on the torturous acts i will do to you if you hurt her again." your best friend continues, half laughing, half serious as she makes her way to your door. "i'm sorry, he just-" you try again to explain yourself, her cutting you off again. "i trust you, whatever makes you happy, girly. call me tomorrow and tell me everything!" she tells you, closing the door behind her.

sliding your shoes off your feet, patrick follows suit. the two of you discarding your hoodies to the floor, patrick sitting down on the bed, pulling you on top of him. laughing as you fall onto his body, knees either side of his thighs. his hands caressing the bare skin on your arms, placing soft kisses to your neck. "i've missed you so much, missed your skin, your smell, your lips." he mumbles, before placing his lips onto yours. grinding against him softly, arms snaking around his neck, tongue slipping into his mouth. soft breathing and quiet moans slipping through the kiss, the denim of both of your jeans grinding against each other. "are you already hard?" you giggle into his mouth, feeling his boner underneath you. "shut up, it's been a while." he smirks, slipping your bottom lip between his teeth, biting down gently. "you're seriously telling me you haven't slept with anyone else in all this time?" you ask, hands slipping under his t-shirt, stroking the skin on his back. your lips wrapped around his earlobe, flicking your tongue over the skin, small groans falling from patrick's lips. "couldn't do it, couldn't even think about it. just wanted you." he speaks, eyes closed, distracted by your mouth on his jaw. his hands on your hips, grabbing the skin, guiding your movements against him. "god, where's the player gone?" you tease, sucking on the skin of his neck. "i'm a changed man." he smirks, lifting you up, throwing your body down onto the bed, giggling as you land.

pulling his t-shirt over his head, smiling down at you as he climbs on top of you. lips against yours, only pulling apart as patrick pulls your tank over your head. smirking as he notices your lack of bra, his big hands grasping and groping your exposed chest. lips continue attacking each others, reaching between you to undo the top button of his jeans, pulling down the zipper. using your feet to push the jeans down his body. patrick does the rest of the work for you, pushing them down his legs with his boxers, throwing them across the room as you remove your own jeans. patrick's mouth kissing down your stomach, pulling down your underwear with his teeth. heavy breathing filling the room, tension growing, along with your wetness. kicking your panties off your feet as patrick spreads your legs apart, kissing down your thighs, stomach against the bed as his curls disappear between your legs. your back arched, head flung back as patrick's lips leave kisses on your sweet spot. mewling at the feeling, grasping his hair as his tongue flicks back and forth over you. "fuck- i've missed the taste of you." patrick moans against you, causing more profanities to escape you. licking one last line through your folds as patrick kisses his way back up your body to your lips.

teasing you as his cock rubs against you, pushing himself in an inch before rubbing his tip against your clit once more. "jesus, patrick, please fuck me." you beg him, chest rising and falling. "well, seen as in you asked so nicely." he smirks, pushing in, bottoming out. loud moans leave the both of you, patrick grabbing the back of your thighs, pushing your legs against your body. his knees either side of your ass, fucking in and out of you at speed. sloppy kisses against your feet and ankles as sweat slicks his curls to his forehead. sheets balled in your hands, brows furrowed as patrick's name repeatedly falls out from your lips. dropping your legs down as patrick's body weight falls on you, his hands squeezing your waist, pulling you onto him as he pushes himself into you. wet kisses muffle the moans coming from the both of you, tongues gliding against each others. one of his hands moving around your throat, causing your eyes to roll back, signature smirk forming on his lips. "so pretty like this, baby." he utters, moving his free hand down to thumb your clit. "fuck- missed you so much." you confess in your fucked-out state, words coarse due to patrick's hand around your neck. "christ, missed you too princess, missed this pretty pussy too." mouth wide open as patrick's pace increases, eyes not leaving each others, a glob of patrick's spit landing on your tongue. the noise from you has patrick shivering, groaning as he watches you smirk and swallow. "fucking hell, you're perfect. christ, i love you." patrick moans, hand slipping off your throat, clawing at the fabric next to your head.

"i love you- fuck i'm close." you whimper, scratching lines down his spine. "me too baby, shit, fuck-" his hips slap against you a few more times, thumb still rubbing circles on your sweet spot as patrick's thrusts stop, his cum filling you up, painting your walls as your orgasm washes over you. both mumbling each others' names, riding out your high before patrick's body falls onto yours, sliding out of you. your bodies awash with each others' sweat and spit and cum, breathing together as one. patrick falls off to the side, turning to face each other on the bed. giggling at each other, his hand coming up to stroke your cheek as you pull his body closer to yours by his waist. smiles not leaving your faces. "i love you, you're so perfect." patrick mumbles, breathing starting to calm. kissing the tip of his nose as you reply. "i love you too."

patrick spends the week at your dorm, spending every minute he can with you. only darting off to see art during your classes, but making sure he's there to pick you up and walk you home when you finish. going on dinner dates, helping you study, bringing you to tennis with him and art. he hates being away from you, fingers always laced through yours when you're out and about. this week of domestic patrick shows you how far he'd go to get you to trust him, wanting to prove to you that you really do mean everything to him. slowly, but surely, the trust was coming back. meeting art for lunch after your day of classes, the three of you sit and laugh your way through your food. "are you guys coming to the party tonight?" art asks, mouth full of food. it's the one thing you've been scared about. patrick and you had been enjoying your time in your bubble, no real outside influences penetrating. a party with patrick filled you with so much anxiety, knowing how the last one went down. "oh yeah, sure, we'll be there." patrick answers for you, his hand on your thigh.

anxiously getting ready, patrick playing music as you pregame your way through your make up. slipping into a tiny dress, putting your shoes on your feet, asking patrick to put your necklace on for you. looking at you through the mirror as he does, placing kisses on your neck after putting on your necklace. "are you trying to kill me?" he chuckles, zipping up the fly of his jeans. "what do you mean?" you laugh back, packing your bag with your things. "you look so so good, baby." he smiles, pulling you to his lips. "let's go, princess." patrick instructs, lightly smacking your ass on the way out. patrick's engulfed in commotion as the two of you enter the party, by those who hadn't seen him back on campus, his hand never letting go of yours. "i'm gonna go find my girls, i'll find you soon, okay?" you tell him, kissing his cheek as he nods to you, being pulled into the kitchen by the boys. finding your friends hanging around on couches, whistling and complimenting you as you join them. "patrick's still here then, hey?" one of your friends tease you, smirking as you steal her bottle of tequila. gulping some down as the questions come flooding in. is he staying at art's? are you two fully back on then? is it official now? is he re-enrolling?

"oh my god girls, is this twenty questions?" you laugh, swigging down anther gulp. all their heads tilted, waiting for the answers. "patrick's been staying with me, we're doing well but not official no, and he doesn't know yet." you finally breathe out, passing back the liquor. multiple oohs and awws leave your friends mouths, before the tennis boys all join you. squeezing onto couches and piling on the floor as more partygoers join you. "truth or dare!" someone shouts out, everyone nodding in agreement. the big group of you go round playing the game, crushes being revealed, shots being taken, all drinking as you go. "patrick zweig, truth or dare?" one of the boys you've not seen before asks him. "dare, obviously." patrick laughs, sipping on his beer across the room from you. "i dare you... to make out with lucy." the group erupts, reactions mixed. gulping down the frog in your throat, chewing the inside of your cheek. "no." patrick states, shaking his head. "no offence obviously, but i've got a girlfriend." patrick smiles smugly at you, feeling the flush on your cheeks, sipping on your own drink. everyone whispering at patrick's words, as your best friend speaks out. "oh, do you?" she laughs, her head leaning against your knee as she sits on the floor next to you on the couch. "yeah, do you, patrick?" you ask, smirking at him. "you know i do." he laughs across the room, winking at you.

the crowd gradually disperses, patrick nodding you over to him, the two of you heading outside for a smoke. "girlfriend, huh?" you ask, as he lights both your cigarettes. patrick smirks, pulling you into his side. "well, you are, aren't you?" he says, kissing the top of your head. "news to me." you tease him, smirking through your cigarette. patrick says your name, head tilted. "well, you never asked." your eyes looking away, smug as you toke the cigarette. "will you please be my girlfriend?" patrick smiles, pushing your body against his. "hmm, i guess it would be a bit embarrassing if i said no, everyone in there already thinks i am." you continue to tease him. "please be my girlfriend." patrick repeats, laughing through his words. "of course i will." you finally give in, his lips latching on to yours. "i can't believe you did that." you laugh into his neck. patrick just shrugs in response. "i told you, i don't wanna hide how i feel anymore, i'm a taken man!" patrick chuckles. the two of you finish smoking, heading back into the party. patrick pulling you onto the floor where everyone has started dancing, his arms around you, hands resting on your ass as the two of you dance with each other. "hottest girl in the world." he mumbles into your ear, placing kisses below your earlobe. "hottest boyfriend in the world." you mutter back to him. "don't think i'll ever get over hearing you call me that." he states, smirking down at you before kissing your cheek. "i love you."

[voikiraz]

Lover ; niki 니키 .

Lovers . bf!niki x fem!reader w. None i think step ? #758 M.recordings ! [ i cant believe its overrr, but im so grateful for the love yall gave this seriesand im glad you enjoyed ittt ! Mwahh ]

Syn. Lover niki and actions he does that makes you fold every time

ꕤ ni-ki always has a thing for making you origami stuff, whenever you meet up, he has something made out of paper for you, a flower on a picnic date, a bird while you're watching the sunrise, an animal when you're in a pet shop cause you're thinking of adopting a pet, a little envelope with a paper that has his number even though you already have it, everything, you name it.

One day you decided to show up unannounced at his dorm.

You had made him an origami flower, deciding to pay him back for all the hard work he put into the ones he made you, you knew how hard it is from the constant tries that you were taking, over and over again.

You knocked on his door three times then waited, humming to some song while waiting for someone to open the door.

Once the door opened, a shocked niki stood in front of you.

"What are you doing here?"

"Is that how you greet your girlfriend?" You ask, frowning.

"No- I'm sorry I just-" he tries to reason but then a smiley jake pops up from behind him.

"He was making you an origami bouquet and he doesn't want you to know" Jake says, rolling his eyes as riki groans, there goes the surprise.

ꕤ TRUST ME WHEN I TELL YOU. this boy 100% has a locked folder of a ton of pictures of you. He can have pictures from your born day and you would never know where he got them from.

He probably bribed your dad to get these photos.

And the way he takes pictures of you all the time.

If you two meet on campus on a busy day and you only have 2 minutes to talk, HE WILL TAKE A PIC OF YOU.

he just loves you like that, and he probably looks at these pictures all the time.

You thought he just takes pics for fun and delets them later, but you found out that it's totally the opposite.

"Yo niki, can I change the song?" Sunoo asks from the passenger seat, niki sitting right behind him with the aux plugged in his phone.

"Yeah sure" niki hands him his phone, being stupid enough to not close the opened folder that's FLOODED with your pics.

"Do you seriously have a full folder of y/n pictures?" Sunoo says and nikis eyes widen, snatching his phone from sunoos hold as you stare at him with a smile.

"Wait you do? I want to see" you say and he just rolls his head back, wondering why everything gets exposed by his bandmates, he can never live in peace.

ꕤ anywhere, everywhere, all the time. Your scrunchie or hair tie is always around his srist.

First sleepover? He stole a hair tie.

You went out on a cafe date and you need to tie your hair? He has one!

It's the start of his concert but he almost forgot to take off your hair scrunchie from his wrist.

He always will Have one.

It came to a point where fans started questioning it.

Whenever he comes over he steals one, or whenever you let your hair down, he just steals it and never returns it.

You started to think you will never see them again (you won't)

He has a collection. Trust me.

It just makes him feel close to you, but he will never say it, he hides it by saying 'you always lose your hair ties, and you always whine when we're out that you want to tie your hair that's why I have one with me'

Total lie, but you find him adorable so you let him.

ꕤ okay this may sound stupid, but you and niki would definitely buy colouring books and colour together when you're alone in the dorm, away from the eyes of your friends.

Now look me in the eyes and say he wouldn't do that.

One day you were hanging together and you saw he had a colouring game so you just bought some colouring books without saying anything to him.

And then you just go to his dorm, your bag filled with colours and colouring books, and you 'force' him to colour with you.

(You let him pick the drawing)

You two took it so seriously, assigning each one with colours and the spaces they should colour, and you definitely made a competition about who would and wouldn't go out of line.

It just became your thing at this point.

© voikiraz 2O24

[shera-dnd]

I have decided against my better judgement to be weird about the Dawntrail MSQ

and we can't talk about an expansion set in the fantasy americas without talking about

COLONIALISM

oh yeah, we're going there baby

So disclaimer that I may be brazilian, but my ass is white as hell, so take everything I say with a grain of salt. Also if any native americans have made posts on this please let me know so I can boost their analysis as well

Also also I'm more than happy to delete this post if I mess up. I'm genuinely trying to make a thoughtful analysis, so if I fuck up just say the word and this thing is gone from this website

Oh also also also, Dawntrail MSQ spoilers ahead!

So FFXIV has had a... messy relationship with colonialism over the years

The fact that the major antagonists for the first half of A Realm Reborn a literally called "beast man tribes" is absolutely not a good start to this story

Add to that the fact that The Twelve (Eorzea's gods) are shown to be kind all powerful deities, while the Primals (the tribal gods) are evil spirits summoned to bring destruction to the world

and yeah no ARR is not good with that shit. It's EXTREMELY not good. If I hadn't been told it got better later on I would have dropped this shit before I got to Titan

But they have been taking steps to unfuck things. First we're shown that even the "civilized societies" (in this case the catholic elves) can summon Primals, then that Primal summoning isn't an actual native custom but was introduced by foreigners with malicious intent, and that not all "beast man" practice that

Then they changed the names of the "Beast Man Tribe Quests" to "Tribal Quests" and then finally to "Allied Society Quest"

Which would have been an empty gesture had like half of the post-Shadowbringer patches, as well a lot of Endwalker, not been about forming alliances with those people and working together with them, recognizing that they have as much right to the land and to life as any Eorzean, this all culminating on the Primals being summoned with the express purpose of helping you protect the world you all share

I guess they realized that they couldn't have their big bad for most of the game be the evil expansionist empire, if they didn't like actually reflect in their own imperialist fantasies they were propagating

Then the teaser trailer for Dawntrail drops and everyone in the fandom is like "wait... are we gonna do a colonialism?"

And memes were abound of how all those lessons from before don't apply to the "New World" of Tural

THANKFULLY the actual questline leading to Dawntrail helped to settle some of those worries

We're not going to Tural to explore a new uncharted land, but are actually being invited over by the local royalty in order to aid them with their right of succession. We get introduced to the nation of Tuliyollal and how it's a thriving land with its own culture and not just a "terra nil" waiting to be colonized

Still there are some worries that this is gonna turn out poorly and that we're just gonna end up being white saviors

But I think they managed to avoid that pretty well

For starters neither the Scions nor the Warrior of Light are the protagonists of this story. You're all simply supporting character's in Wuk Lamat's story

A story that centers her people, her culture, and her family

And it's not even one culture. They don't portray Tuliyollal as this monolithic mish mash of every single native american culture

No, the lands of Tural are in fact comprised of multiple different people's and nations, each of them with their own customs and traditions which are informed by their history and the lands they live in

In fact learning about their cultures and partaking in their customs is the whole point of the Rite of Succession. It's all set up so that the next Dawnservant would be someone who understands and respects each of the peoples that comprise Tural

(I could, and probably will, write about what Dawntrail has to say about what makes a good ruler)

And our girl, Wuk Lamat, is shown to be the rightful heir because she really goes out of her way to understand each of the nations and show her appreciation for their customs

Putting her well above her Sharlyaboo brother Koana, The King of Unresolved Daddy Issues Zoral Ja, and whatever the fuck is going on with Bakool Ja Ja

(I joke, I love my two headed traumatized dumbass)

Tho I will admit that this does end up giving the tribes a somewhat "planet of the hats" vibe. Like their named NPCs are diverse and interesting, but you can just assume that most random NPCs of any given people are gonna act according to the stereotype

Which is unfortunate, but I have hopes that with the next few patches and the addition of Dawntrail's own Allied Society Quests, we'll get to see more to them

But that... is only up to lvl95 and the end of the Yok'Tural (southern Tural) segment

because then we get to Xak'Tural (northern Tural) and holy shit does it feel like they drop the ball there

Like they really COULDN'T keep themselves from making Shaaloani a fucking Wild West map

Instead of doing anything with the actual cultures and histories of Native North American people, they just do wild fucking west

Because there's ceruleum in them thar hills! And apparently Koana turned most of the region into Sharlyaboos too

So we get a bunch of Wild West frontier towns mixed with native american tribes and mud brick cities. We have trains and guns and a sheriff and a duel at high noon, but now everyone got native american names

At least there's one group off to the northern side of the map who seems to stick to tradition and live in harmony with nature, and that group is shown respect by the other people of the region

so we at the very least avoid the "cowboys vs indians" crap, but my god does that region just feel bad compared to everything else they had done so far

Then we get to the big twist: THE CYBERPUNK PORTION OF THE GAME

because yes, we go full fucking cyberpunk

so turns out that a whole segment of Xak'Tural got colonized by the kingdom of Alexandria, including the lands of the Shetona (Erenville's people)

And I feel like this is the most poignant section of the MSQ when it comes to colonialism

Because here we have Alexandria, an empire that has reached the limit of what it can do sustain itself on its own world, and so has decided to spread out and colonize others in order to gain resources

We see the Shetona and other natives of the region being separated from their families and kept in isolation from the rest of their people

And tho Queen Sphene is shown to be a kind and caring ruler who gives people a choice when it comes to joining the empire, WELL SHE'S STILL THE QUEEN OF A FUCKING EMPIRE

Like her form of kindness and just stagnant peace is put in stark contrast with Wuk Lamat's own love for her people and more proactive pursuit of happiness and harmony

(again with the "what makes a ruler theme")

Also the people that choose to be assimilated into the Alexandrian Empire? Yeah, they're doing so because Alexandria has advanced medical technology and you can only receive their aid if you're a citizen

Not only that, but you have to be a working citizen. We see later on a character being denied medical aid, because he lost his job, thanks to the King's decision and at no fault of his own

yeah this is cyberpunk, not just sci-fi

ALSO can we talk about how the technology used for that medical aid and the little gizmo they give you to signify you're now a citizen, will literally erase the memory of the people you lost

So the Turali who are assimilated into Alexandrian culture not only lose ties to their culture and their loved ones, but are not allowed to grieve their loss, because what they once had is slowly being erased

How their choices add up to survive on their own OR be assimilated

How this all takes place IN NORTH FUCKING AMERICA!

THE CYBERPUNK CITY IS LITERALLY SET IN THIS WORLD'S EQUIVALENT TO THE UNITED STATES

So yeah, I don't think is is accidental. I genuinely thing that they're making a point about the realities of imperialism and colonialism, as well as taking some shots at the US while they're at it

Of course this part is still centered around Wuk Lamat, and instead of having a moment of "the only ones who can stop the evil white europeans are the GOOD white europeans", we have Wuk Lamat be the one to save the day, defeat Sphene, and save her people from the colonizing empire

So I would like to argue that everything that happens from lvl97 onwards is them picking up the ball again and making a real point

buuuut that comes at the cost of us being unable to engage with the native peoples of Xak'Tural outside of the context of colonialism

Which genuinely fucking sucks, and I hope it will be remedied with the post-Dawntrail patches

As well as handling the whole shared land situation they ended up with and how this might end up in a Land Back sort of movement, and oh boy can they mess shit up royally there

So in conclusion FFXIV has had a messy relationship with colonialism and imperialist fantasies and tropes, but the devs seem to be making a concerted effort to undo their mistakes and show respect in their depictions of american natives

They still fuck up

boy do they

but they're at least trying, and I'd say Dawntrail so far has been quite well executed

so yeah, look forward to more insane rambles like this one I guess

[heavyhitterheaux]

Ghost Part 5 (NSFW)

AN: It's been a while, but we're back 🤭🤭

Synopsis: Jack comforts you when he finds out that you're going through a difficult time and you got a lot more than you bargained for. Now you have to make a decision regarding the future between you and him

Pairing: Jack Harlow x Reader

Do not engage if underage

Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere

Walking into work on Monday morning, you were extremely nervous. It did take some convincing on Jack’s part, but you did in fact delete your Only Fans account by the end of that very same night. Now all you had to do was hope and pray no one saw it that was associated with your job.

Once you dropped Ace off at daycare, you made your way down the long hallway in order to get to your classroom and was in for a surprise once you did.

Sitting near your desk was Alicia Hamilton who was the principal of the school. The interactions that you had with her in the past were always pleasant and she always made it a point to ask about Ace and ask about how you were seeing as she was also a single mother and knew how hard it could be at times.

“Alicia, to what do I owe the pleasure?” You asked as you smiled at her, a smile that she in fact did not return. Instead it was a look of seriousness.

“Y/N, it was brought to my attention that you have an Only Fans account that involves explicit material.”

And there it was.

“What exactly does that have to do with my job? I do that outside of here and shouldn't get penalized for it.” You answered as you stood your ground.

“Trust me, Y/N I get it. However I have had numerous complaints and my phone has been ringing nonstop since this past weekend.”

“Alicia, you of all people know how hard it is to live on a teachers salary and be a single mom. I had to do something to make sure that Ace could eat. And I was in college when I did that.” You told her as you tried to plead your case.

“Y/N, I adore you and you are an amazing teacher, but my hands are tied. We could lose funding over this. If there was a way that I could fix this and make it all better, I would but as of right now I can't. I have to let you go. Ace can still come to daycare and get a discount. I just can't allow you to teach here anymore.”

“But…”

“I have a substitute coming for you all this week and you’ll be able to pack up your classroom after school lets out.”

“Just keep everything. I clearly don't have a use for it anymore.”

“Y/N…”

Without another word, you grabbed your purse and made your way back down the long hallway. You decided to let Ace stay the rest of the day while you had absolutely no idea what you were going to do.

As you settled into your car, the waterworks started and you didn't even stop them from rolling down your face. You knew deep down that this was eventually going to happen and you had no clue what to do in order to move forward. In no way, shape, or form did you blame Jack for posting your picture because there were only good intentions behind it. But now, it was probably going to be ten times harder for you to find another job.

Moving back home didn't sound like a bad idea at the moment, but you couldn't do that to Jack after all the progress he's made with Ace.

You simply sent Jack a text because you needed a few days for yourself and to think this through and you needed to have a clear head.

You- Hey, can you take Ace for a few days?

Jack- Yes, is everything okay?

You- It's fine, I just need some time to figure some things out

Jack- Are you sure that you're okay? Just let me know if you need anything from me.

You- I promise I'm fine, if you could pick him up today from daycare that would be perfect

Jack- Whatever you need

Jack told you that Ace was excited to spend a few days with him, but he was also concerned about you. He felt as if there was something that you were keeping from him and he made it his mission to facetime you after he put Ace to sleep.

Currently you were stuffing your face with some stuffed pasta shells that you had made earlier when your phone rang. You glanced to see that it was Jack and sighed. You didn't want to talk to anyone, but had to make sure that it didn't have anything to do with Ace.

“Hey.” You softly said as you propped your phone up so that you could continue eating and Jack could immediately tell that something was wrong.

“Y/N, something is wrong and don't lie to me and say that it's nothing.”

“It's nothing for you to worry about. I can deal with it.”

“I went to pick up Ace and when he took me to see you in your classroom, you were nowhere to be found.”

“I guess not because I don't work there anymore.”

Jack's eyes went wide.

“Fuck. It's because of me, isn't it?”

“I don't blame you for it happening if that's what you're thinking.”

“But it's my fault.”

“It was going to happen eventually. I figured that it would only be a matter of time. Where's my baby?” You responded while trying to shrug it off.

“Our baby is sleeping.”

You glanced at the time on the clock that was hanging on the wall in your kitchen and saw that it was a little past 8 at night. You were happy to see that Jack was keeping him on his normal schedule.

“Hmm.”

“His bedtime is 7:30 so the same thing goes when he comes over here. But we aren't done talking about your job so stop trying to change the subject.”

“There’s nothing left to say. It's just going to be ten times harder for me to find another job teaching.”

“Just take a break and relax for a while.”

“Jack, bills do not stop and I don't have the luxury of doing that.”

“You have me and I'm going to take care of it. Y/N, you aren't in this by yourself anymore.”

“No. I'm not a golddigger and we aren't even together so that doesn't sit right with me.”

“Don't you think I know that by now? Just let me help you. How does it look if I let the mother of my child struggle when she doesn't have to.”

All you did was shake your head and Jack looked at you confused.

“What's that face for? Just let me do this to help you.”

"Why, Jackman? Why now? Where was all of this compassion you had for me when I was pregnant with your child and scared shitless because I literally had NO ONE.” You asked him as you threw your fork down.

“Because we're moving towards a better future, that's why. I know that you have a right to be pissed at me for a million lifetimes all because I was too scared to step up and take care of my responsibilities. But I promise that will never happen again. My parents and Clay would kill me if it did.”

“You've made promises to me in the past and they proved to be empty.”

“This time it won't be.” Jack replied as you took a deep breath.

“Please don't make me regret this.”

You noticed that Jack wasn't looking directly at you and figured that he was doing something on his phone.

“Send me all your expenses for the month so I can add it to my bank account to come out automatically. And I also just put 5,000 in your account and I don't want to hear a word out of you. I'm doing this.”

“But…”

“Matter of fact since I know you'll be free for a little while, pack a bag with a few outfits and you can come over tonight or tomorrow. I think tonight would be better since you won't have to get up so early.”

“Wait, what? For what?”

“I have a few interviews and appearances to do so I'm bringing you and Ace with me. I already posted about having a son so it's not a secret. That way we can really spend time together like an actual family. I know Ace will be excited about that.”

Well, he didn't say anything that was wrong and you had absolutely nothing to lose.

“Fine, give me an hour.”

“Okay, let me get the guest room ready for you. And pick between lavender or vanilla.”

“Oh, you do this for all the girls that stay at your house? And what am I picking this for?”

“No, only for the special girls and you happen to be the first one. I also want you to be the last one if you’ll let me but we'll address that later. Now pick one.”

“I… lavender.”

“Okay your bath will be ready when you get here too.”

“Jackman!”

“See you soon, babe.”

It was around 10 at night when you finally reached his house and knocked on the door. Once he opened it, he was all smiles and took your bag from you and moved to the side so you could pass the threshold.

“I have everything set up for you, come on and follow me.”

Climbing the stairs of his house, you took in your surroundings because you literally hadn't been in it for more than five minutes. You saw multiple awards decorating the walls along with a few pictures of him and Ace, Clay, and his parents. Jack led you into what you assumed was his bedroom and he set your things in his closet.

“I have a little more room in here than the guest room closet does so I put your things in there and my bathroom is bigger so I have everything set up for you in there.”

“You definitely didn't have to do this.” You replied walking into the bathroom and you were in awe. The smell of lavender hit your nose upon entering and were surprised to see that multiple candles were lit. Jack came up behind you to throw in a lavender bath bomb as you were taking it all in. You couldn't even remember the last time someone did something like this for you.

“So that's why you asked me if I wanted lavender or vanilla?” You said and he simply nodded.

“Water is warm and I want you to take all the time you need. Your towel is here along with your robe….”

“What? My own robe?” You asked, cutting Jack off.

“Yes, I got it earlier today. I knew that something had happened and I picked up some things in order to help you hopefully feel better.”

“Well I appreciate you doing this for me. Can't remember the last time that someone was this nice to me.” You said and you caught Jack off guard as you went to hug him. After the initial shock, he hugged you back. This was as close as you two had been since Ace was conceived. Because the two of you were usually arguing.

“Of course, now come on before the water gets cold. I’ll crack the door so if you need me just call out.”

“Okay.”

You stayed in the bathroom for close to an hour before getting out and drying off. After blowing out the candles and brushing your teeth with the toothbrush that Jack had bought you along with giving a quick rinse to your face, you walked out to see him reading with the tv on a low volume. He heard your footsteps and looked up and smiled at you.

“Feel better?”

“I do, surprisingly.”

“I got the guest room ready for you and it's right next to Ace’s.” He told you as he put his book down and hopped up from the bed.

“Okay.”

“Oh wait, you need something to sleep in. Did you want to grab it out of your bag? If not, I can give you one of my shirts.”

“Your shirt is fine.”

Jack handed you one of his many Louisville Cardinals shirts and you held onto it and planned on changing into it once you reached the guest room.

“And make sure you don't steal this one.” Jack playfully told you as he remembered the many shirts that you stole from him during the very short time that you two were together.

“Hmm, no promises. I still have all the other ones and this will just be another one I add to my growing collection.” You answered as you thought about all the shirts that you had of his in your closet.

“Soon, I won't have any.”

“Stop being so dramatic.”

After Jack was back in his bedroom, it gave him time to think as he threw the comforter over himself and got comfortable.

He knew that this didn't fix the amount of pain that he put you through, but was thinking that it was a good enough start. He wanted to really prove to you that he was all in when it came to you and Ace. His end goal was having the three of you under the same roof and truly being a family. He knew it was a longshot, but he at least had to try. Progress was made when you gave him a hug catching him off guard and he felt that it was a huge step in the right direction. You had been doing everything by yourself for too long and it was time for that to change.

It was around 10 in the morning when all of you were on a plane headed to Boston. You and Ace were sitting next to each other and you were doing your best to entertain him while Jack was in front of the both of you when Urban came and sat next to him.

“Hmm so I see you two are talking?” Urban asked, gesturing towards you.

“Yeah, I'm just happy she's giving me a chance to get this right or at least try to.”

“Your ass finally grew up and it was about damn time.” Clay commented as he passed the both of them and went to pick up Ace.

“I'm also hoping that she'll be in a relationship with me again.” Jack quietly said in the hopes that you wouldn't hear and Urban just stared at him.

“You're my best friend and I have to be honest. I want you to be happy, but that sounds damn near impossible.”

“I know it sounds crazy, but I want us all under one roof. So much has happened and I have to make it right.”

“You can make it right by being a good father to Ace. Making it right doesn't necessarily mean that you two need to be together.”

“But I want to be, that's the thing. Truth be told, I see how amazing Ace is and I want more but I only want them with her.”

“You have done some serious soul searching because that sounds weird to hear you say.”

“Only thing is, I don't know if she'll go for it.”

“I mean, do you blame her? Look at how much shit you put her through.”

“But she hugged me last night. I called to check on her and I told her to come over because I knew she was upset. I bought her a whole bunch of things and ran a bath for her. I'm honestly surprised she said yes, but then again I wouldn't take no for an answer.”

“And yall didn't fuck? That was the perfect setup.”

“No! I need to take this slow and do it right.”

“Well…I… I just want you happy and if this will make you happy then okay.”

“What's the pushback for?” Jack questioned Urban as he saw him sigh.

“Look, this seems to be going a little too well and Y/N might pull something because of all the shit you've done to her.”

“Urb, she's not like that.”

“And how do you know? You were in a relationship with her for six months at most. You don't even know her if we're being honest.”

“I know enough to know that she wouldn’t do that, because she would have done it already with as much shit that has happened.”

“Well whatever happens, I'm here for you.”

“I appreciate that.”

It was the last day that you were all spending in Boston and you were currently helping Ace get ready because Jack surprised him and told him that he was taking him to a Celtics’ game. Knowing that Jayson Tatum was Ace’s favorite player, he got him a jersey in his size and he was wearing jean shorts with the New Balances that Jack designed. He also gifted you a pair that you planned on wearing with your olive green pants and white cropped hoodie.

When you were finished helping Ace tie his shoes, Jack walked in and smiled at the scene in front of him.

“Daddy, I’m ready!” Ace exclaimed as he ran over to Jack and he immediately picked him up.

“So that means we should get going. I have a feeling that you’re going to like where we’re sitting.” Jack had mentioned to you that you all would be sitting courtside and you didn’t tell him this, but you immediately got nervous. If you were sitting anywhere near him, you knew for a fact that cameras were going to be on the two of you which also meant that they would be on Ace.

Before Jack told Ace about his surprise, he consulted you first simply because this would be Jack’s first public appearance with him having Ace with him. He made sure that you were on board and assured you that he made a few calls to have an increase in security since the two of you would be with him.

Jack then looked over at you and smirked.

“Not you stealing my outfit.”

You looked at him confused before you looked down to see that the two of you were indeed matching. All you did was laugh to yourself and shake your head.

“I got dressed first so you in fact stole my outfit, not the other way around.” You replied back as you made your way over to the two of them.

“Hmm, I admit you do look good in it.” Jack replied and you tried to stop the smile from appearing on your face, but you failed miserably. It also didn’t help with the series of butterflies erupting in your stomach at this very moment.

“Daddy, can I get a hot dog?!” Ace asked as he looked at him hoping that he would say yes.

“Whatever you want, bubs.”

The three of you were currently outside of the arena and had just gotten out of the car when Jack could sense your nervousness and made a point to ask you if you were okay.

“Y/N?”

“Hmm?”

“What’s going on over there in that head of yours?” He asked as he whispered in your ear as the three of you were being led inside by security through the back entrance in the hopes of avoiding too many fans. Last thing that Jack would want to happen is them bombarding him when you and Ace were with him.

“Just nervous, I guess. I’m not used to being around big crowds of people.”

Jack was holding Ace as he quickly went to grab your hand and held onto it tightly as he squeezed it.

“It's going to be fine, you’re with me. Just let me know if you ever feel overwhelmed and need a minute.”

You nodded your head towards him and Jack gave you a small smile in return. Soon after, you three were led to your seats and Ace couldn’t contain his excitement.

“Ace? What do you think of this view, bubs? You like it?” Jack asked and Ace immediately nodded his head as he spotted Jayson who was coming out to warm up.

“Daddy! Look!” Ace replied as he pointed in Jayson’s direction.

“Do you want to meet him?” Jack had sent Jayson a text the night before telling him that he was going to be at the game and that he was bringing Ace and how he was his favorite player. Jayson responded and told him that he would definitely make it a point to say hi to Ace during the night.

Suddenly Ace’s eyes went wide and he proceeded to turn around and hide in Jack’s chest. He would get like this often when he was meeting new people, but once he warmed up to them he was fine. He finally peeked up at Jack and gave him a slow nod which led to Jack smiling at him.

Once Jayson spotted Jack, he jogged his way over to all three of you and immediately greeted you and Jack before turning his attention to Ace.

“This must be the famous Ace that I heard so much about.” Jayson said as he squatted down to his height.

“That's me! How did you know my name?” Ace asked while looking at him confused.

“I know your dad and he told me all about you. I also heard that this is your first game?”

“Yes! My daddy got your jersey for me. Oh I forgot to say thank you. Thank you daddy.” He answered as he looked down at his outfit.

“You're welcome bubs.”

“Ace, I'll make a deal with you. If we win, I'll give you the ball.”

“Really?” He asked as his eyes went wide.

“As long as you're good for mom and dad the entire game, you can have it.”

It was safe to say that the Celtics won and Jayson even signed the ball before handing it to Ace who couldn't contain his excitement.

By the time that you all got back to the hotel and put Ace to sleep, your back was on fire. Your plan was to take ibuprofen and lay down as soon as possible.

Jack noticed you wincing as you came to steal his charger since yours was on its last leg and would charge when it wanted to. He quickly grabbed your hand to question you about it.

“What's hurting? You're wincing.”

“My back, but I'll just take something and go to sleep. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does I can barely move for like two days.”

“Umm, I can help you if you want.” Jack replied and you looked at him confused.

“Help me how?”

“I can give you a massage to help get the kinks out. It’ll probably make it feel better.”

“Seriously? Is this your plan to try and seduce me?” You questioned him while laughing.

“No funny business I swear.” He said as he held his hands up in defense.

“Well, I guess it couldn’t hurt.”

“Just let me check on Ace and make sure he's asleep. You can stay in here and take off your clothes so you’ll be ready for me.”

“It sounds weird when you say it like that.” You replied as you plugged in your phone and waited for an indication to see that it was indeed charging.

“I did want to be a massage therapist at one point and I’ve been told that my hands work magic.”

“Hmm, I bet all the girls tell you that, don’t they?”

“Well now these hands are only reserved for you so you’ll have to tell me when I’m finished.” Jack winked at you before going to Ace’s room in the suite that was across the hall. You listened to instructions as you got somewhat undressed and wrapped yourself in a towel and simply sat on the bed and waited for Jack.

Once he returned, he locked the door behind him and told you to lay on your stomach with your chin resting on your arms. Jack undid your towel and moved it so that it was sitting right at your waist when you heard his voice.

“Um, Y/N, you have to take your bra off too.”

“Hmm, close your eyes and don't look.”

“Promise even though I've seen them plenty of times and even had them in my mouth.”

Rolling your eyes, you ignored his last comment as you slid the bra off your shoulders and placed it next to you on the bed. Next thing you knew you felt warm liquid on your back and Jack’s hands rubbing it in.

“What the? Where did you get the oil from?!”

“Shh, don’t worry about it. Just relax so I can make your back feel better.”

You weren’t sure how much time had passed, but your back definitely felt better and you were glad that you agreed to let Jack do this for you. As you were about to move a little to the side to get more comfortable, you felt Jack hands on the outside of your back and they got higher until they became dangerously close to your boobs before making their way back down. He had done it a few more times before you decided to adjust again as his fingers lightly brushed against your nipples.

As his hands started to move back down, you quickly caught one of them and moved it so that it was right on the outside of your breast. Meanwhile, Jack is starting to get nervous because he wasn’t quite sure what to make of your sudden movement, but him asking a simple question was all the confirmation he needed.

“Y/N, you want me to do the front of your body too?”

“Yes.”

As you flipped over, your breasts were on full display for him and you laid your head back down as he grabbed more oil to place it on the front of your arms and chest. He massaged the oil into your arms first before gliding it over your chest and moving his way down to your stomach. Once he reached the lower part of your body, he wanted to move the towel to the side, but asked for your permission first.

“Is it okay, if I move this?”

You nodded your head and that was all the confirmation he needed. Moving the towel away from the bed, you were fully naked in front of him and he started to massage your thighs as he was trying to do his best to focus, he noticed that his pants were getting tighter and tighter begging for some type of release.

He had made his way down your entire body and quickly grabbed your hand to help you sit up indicating that he was finished. Once you did, you noticed the bulge that was evident in his pants. No words were exchanged as you immediately undid them and heard a quiet hiss escape from his mouth as you pulled them down to have them pool at his feet. His dick sprung to life and without another word being spoken, you took him in your mouth.

“Oh shit.” Was all he could moan out as he focused on you pleasuring him.

He made a makeshift ponytail of your curly hair so that it could be out the way, but knew because all of this built up sexual tension that he had every time that he was around you that he probably wasn’t going to last long.

As you released him, a river of saliva made its way out of your mouth quickly landing on Jack’s dick as you slowly put your mouth back on him.

“Y/N… fuck!”

You held eye contact with him as you moved him in and out of your mouth as he held your head in place. Your jaw was getting somewhat tired because of how big he was, but knew that he was close once you felt him twitch in your mouth.

Catching him off guard, you released him from your mouth again and he looked at you confused before you began jerking him off and sucking his balls at the same time. That was your go to move to get him to cum when you two were together and by his reaction, it still was.

“Yes, babe. Keep going, keep fucking going. I’m almost there.”

Within thirty seconds he was coming undone in front of you and you made it a point to take him back in your mouth as he was coming down from his high as you milked him dry.

When his breathing returned to normal, you simply looked up at him to see him now peeling off his shirt and removing his pants and boxer briefs from his ankles.

“You missed me sucking your dick, huh? Because I could definitely tell.” You told him as you wiped his cum from the corner of your mouth and quickly sucked it, tasting the last of it.

“I missed so much more than that, but you’re right.” Jack said as he brought his hand up to stroke your face and then leaned down to kiss you.

As hard as it was to admit, that was a feeling that you had missed.

“I figured I would return the favor for you giving me a massage, but you missed one spot.” You said as you took him in your hands again.

“Where’s that?” Jack asked and his voice suddenly got deeper making you become even wetter. Jack knew exactly where you were talking about but he wanted to hear you say it.

“You didn’t massage my pussy and I’m going to need for you to do something about that before I do it myself.” You answered as your fingers went to massage your clit, but Jack caught your hand.

“No need to do it yourself, because I’m here. Spread those legs for me.”

Smirking, you laid back as you spread your legs and soon felt Jack in between them. You felt him kiss it before he gave you one long lick making you moan and he immediately stopped.

“Be quiet babe. Don’t want you waking up Ace.”

You nodded your head and he continued to pleasure you as he slipped two fingers into you and made a note how wet you were for him.

Your hands found their way into his curly hair as you spread your legs even wider so that he could have better access to you. Catching you off guard, Jack stopped leaving you confused as he laid down on the bed next to you but not before throwing your bra that you had placed there clear across the room.

“Get up here and sit on my face.” He told you as he tapped your leg and you swung it over so that you were positioned perfectly with the help of Jack.

He had a tight hold on your legs and you knew for a fact that trying to get away from him would be damn near impossible.

As his mouth began to run over your folds, you placed your hand over your mouth in order to help you keep quiet.

Jack wasn't making it easy for you as he began to give his undivided attention to your clit. He quickly noticed how you began squirming and squeezed your legs even tighter anticipating that you would try to move away from him.

“What did I use to tell you about running from me?” Jack asked as he came up for air and was waiting for a response from you.

“That you wouldn't let me cum.”

“Good. Now stay still.”

In order to give yourself some leverage, you rested your arms on the headboard as you felt that familiar feeling in your stomach become more pronounced.

“Oh shit.” You couldn't help but to moan out.

Hearing your soft moans and whimpers was music to Jack’s ears as he could tell you were close.

Squirting all over his face, he continued to lick your folds as you did your best to stay quiet in the hopes of not waking Ace up.

When he was finished, he placed multiple kisses along your thighs as you rested against the headboard. When you felt as if you could function again, you moved yourself away from his face and scooted down until you were hovering over him leaning down to give him several kisses as you went which he eagerly returned.

“Give me another one. I miss kissing you.” You heard him say as he guided you back down to meet his lips with yours.

In between kisses, you slowly smiled because you felt the same way.

Not knowing how long he had you there for, you slowly felt him lift his hips up to enter you and you met him halfway as a moan escaped both of you.

To make yourself more steady, your hands rested on his stomach while his hands went to your hips to help guide you.

“You're riding me so good, baby.”

Using him saying that was your motivation, you began to go faster as his arms had now wrapped around your waist fully and sat up to suck on your breasts making a loud moan escape from you.

As he continued to kiss all over your chest, without warning, he flipped the two of you over so that he was now hovering above you and placed your legs back as far as they would go as he entered you again, bottoming out and began to move in and out of you slowly.

“Oh fuck, Jack go faster.” You breathed out and no words were spoken as he listened to what you wanted for him to do.

Within two minutes your orgasm hit you like a ton of bricks and Jack slowly moved out of you as he came all over your chest and stomach.

The only thing that could be heard was both of your erratic breathing as you were trying to steady it. Once Jack had done so, he went into the bathroom before he made his way back over to you, gliding the warm cloth all along your body. When he was finished, he laid down next to you and immediately turned your body towards him once more so he could kiss you.

When the two of you finally broke apart, Jack still had his arm wrapped around you as you cuddled into his chest.

Waiting until Jack fell asleep and you helped move the process along by playing in his hair which you always did when you two were together, you gathered your clothes and made your way back to your room and took a quick shower before laying down and pulling the comforter over your body.

You were wide awake and your mind was racing thinking about what had just happened between you and Jack.

Regret didn't come across your mind at all, but now you didn't know where the two of you stood. Jack had been hinting on wanting to be in a relationship with you again, but at this moment in time you just weren't sure. He has definitely stepped up and been the father that Ace deserves but could he be the person that you needed when it came to a relationship?

Grabbing your phone, you opened the group chat and sent a text to Nadia, Blaire, and Liv.

You- I just did a thing….

Liv- Explain the thing!

Nadia- Wait, why are we all up? Where's Blaire?

Blaire- Present!

You- I just had sex with Jack

Liv- Oh

Blaire- 😀😀😀😀😀😀

Nadia- Okay, what's the problem? You got dicked down!

You- I think that I'm leaning towards giving him a second chance

[lukolabrainrot]

also, I want to remind people what Luke is actively dealing with. First of all he's dealing with a young girl that has been petty since the beginning. Wearing clothes that are well known to be shirts that he's taking pictures with his ex and nic. Posting and deleting to enrage fans. Dropping pictures where we know they were together . She's very cunning. So I'm sure just based upon what we know that she's going to be messy. So I'm sure he's trying to do everything he can to keep it from being so messy. Then you'll have his friend group. We can all see that Rory was really weird with A. It doesn't take rocket science to know that something between those two was wrong. So Luke has a lot on his plate that he has to care of. One of those things is his best friend for years. No matter how you slice that it's going to hurt. He needed time to heal. He needed time to decide what he wants from his life. He needed time to decide if he was going to work on friendships or was going to let them go. He also has to do it in a way where it doesn't implode his life. He's on a very line. And they've all been very very quiet that to me is alarming. And one thing we know is Nicola will go to bat for Luke. She will let a narrative be put out there to help him. If it gets attention off of him and allows him to break off things, then she would do it. The timing of all of this very interesting. It's not the first time we heard of JD and Nic spending time together. So why did we hear so much silence in the beginning of the summer? Why is it the Nicola jumped online after Italy?When we know Luke came home two days before everybody else. And why is it that we've seen DM backpedal not once but twice now? She's backpedaling pretty hard when she normally doesn't do that. These are things to keep in mind when you're being fed narratives. And that's exactly what's happening. We're being fed a narrative.

💯

My friend and I think that in some ways, N wants to paint this narrative that she isn't perfect either, that way WHEN N/L go public (because I do think it's a WHEN atp for these two), the public narrative will be like "See no one is perfect." REGARDLESS of what has ACTUALLY been going on for these two BTS since the PR tour (because we are just never going to know that whole story).

N LOVES L. This narrative with JD has proved that to me. She is definitely going to bat for him, and JD (one of her very good FRIENDS) has agreed to help. Because let's be honest, people have been holding N on a pedestal, and just been sh*tting on L all summer. But there are a lot of similarities with this JD narrative as there was with the A narrative, but people are responding VERY differently to JD than they did to A, just saying... N might be trying to prove a point, even if the narrative isn't true.

After what N posted after the Italy bday trip, and with this current JD narrative, I am even more certain that something is happening currently for L/N BTS, and we will probably be getting more crumbs. However, as Anon has mentioned, N plays chess, and we can only play checkers. So the public optics might look kind of interesting...

[valentinetypewriter]

Knife happy Medjacks

Masterlist

Word count: 723

The maze runner (platonic/unspecified) x Gn reader

I got this idea from this deleted scene

Jeff has to wrangle in Clint and Y/n, who after dealing with builders all day, start to agree that maybe amputation is the way to go

Today had been a particularly rough day for Clint, Jeff and I, the builders had started a new project today and with that brought many of those said builders into the Medjack hut with various injuries. Ranging from cuts, scrapes, bruises and the occasional broken bone. They may have been incredibly strong but the builders didn't seem all too bright sometimes.

We had just sent off one of the builders who managed to break his finger with a hammer when Clint decided to speak up “you know, maybe we really should start amputating them” I put away some supplies before looking over at him. “Well I mean it would certainly start teaching them to be more careful” he let out a quick laugh “it would also make our job a lot easier when they're building” the two of us laughed with each other before Jeff stepped in. “Ok no, we are not amputating them” I let out a sad groan “aww come on Jeff, don't you think they deserve it” Clint was quick to back me up “Y/n’s got a point, plus their stupidity is starting to get on my nerves”.

Jeff seemed to almost consider what we were saying before instantly shaking those thoughts away “NO! Besides, how would we explain amputation just for some cuts and bruises?” Jeff simply rolled his eyes at us as he went back to sorting our supplies. Me and Clint looked over at each other, nodding and silently mouthing agreement's.

Organising all the new equipment took a lot longer than any of us would have liked, it wasn't easy when we had stupid teenage boys coming in every five minutes because they couldn't seem to distinguish nails from their own hands. We had just finished taking care of two guys, who had somehow managed to slice up their arms, working into lunch. The random influx of boys coming in was something that the three of us struggled to keep up with sometimes. The three of us sat around the hut all very exhausted. I sat myself down on a chair in the corner of the room, Clint was sitting on a stool with his head resting against his folded arms on the table next to him, it seemed like he was asleep. Jeff on the other hand had made himself comfortable on one of our operating tables.

“We should probably get some lunch before the others devour everything” Jeff said with a sigh, he seemed to hate his own idea of getting up. I groaned as I stood up from my seat, dragging myself over to Clint, shaking him gently “hey wake up buddy, we need to get some food” Clint rubbed his eyes before slowly pushing himself up from his seat. Though before any of us could even move a step, the doors were pushed open. Clint instantly flopping back into his chair, a tired and annoyed whine coming from him. I grabbed the Gigli saw off the tray of equipment, turning towards the door “what do you want?”

The two boys stopped in the doorway “woah put the bloody saw down, we only brought you some food” the three of us instantly perked up at Newts words. “Yeah we thought we'd bring you some food since you've been taking care of my guys all day” Gally sat down two trays of food on the table Jeff was sitting on while Newt handed the one he was holding to Jeff, who instantly started eating, though I couldn't blame him. I pick up one of the trays and handed it over to Clint before dragging a chair over to the table to start eating myself “well thank you boys, that's really sweet of you” Newt smiled at me as Gally ruffled my hair “don't mention it, figured you guys would need some rest, besides we're done for the day, to many broken hands” Gally shook his head and I wasn't quite sure if it was out of annoyances or disappointment.

“Well Gally and I will leave you three to rest, and don't worry we'll bring you some dinner too” Newt smiled at us before making his way out the door, quickly followed by Gally. A few moments of silence passed as we all ate before Clint spoke up “I still reckon we should start amputating”

[iraprince]

i have what is probably a really obscure question - back in the day when 8tracks was a thing, there was a sweat (acid soup) mix that i THINK you made + posted, with a cover of LOVEFOOL. i'm trying to find that particular cover of LOVEFOOL. do you know which it was?

okay so this has driven me CRAZY bc i REMEMBER what ur talking about, but i cannot find it at all. i tried to do some basic sleuthing, like poking around searching at my twitter and stuff, but all i find from then is 1. scattered evidence of a few ppl being like "ira what the hell is this demonic cover of lovefool" and 2. me gloating about how i only found said demonic cover of lovefool through like a 45 minute google rabbit hole. not helpful, past ira. also, i must have downloaded it at some point to upload it to 8tracks, but that would have been like, two laptops ago and there's no way i can dig up the file.

anyway i got a bit closer by digging a little more -- i have this kind of hazy memory of literally just typing in something like "cool lovefool cover" and trawling list articles, and when i tried to recreate it i found this meanspirited little vice piece with a description that i am like, 99.9999% SURE IS REFERENCING THE VERSION WE'RE TALKING ABOUT!!!!! ...but unfortunately bc it's from 2012, all the embeds are gone/broken (and as far as i can tell there's no remnants of links even when i inspect the page, tho i'm not very tech literate when it comes to stuff like this so maybe i'm missing something):

and as we can see here, even back then, if this was the cover we're thinking of, it wasn't attributed or traceable. but we do glean a LITTLE info from this: "under six minutes" means it was five and change, and it must have been uploaded to soundcloud at least 11 years ago.

i tried trawling thru soundcloud w those parameters in mind but couldn't find it... unfortunately i think there's a high chance the original account that uploaded it doesn't exist anymore. (i may have missed something, like maybe a different account has re-uploaded it and i scrolled past it bc i was looking at upload date, but expanding the search to any year is something i don't have the bandwidth for rn!!)

this might be a workable amount of info to at least go to reddit or something with? i feel like there must be at least one subreddit that's specifically dedicated to "help me find this obscure soundcloud remix that got deleted." but for now i'm afraid i must admit defeat, which sucks bc now that you've reminded me of it *i* really wanna listen to the decade-old demonic cover of lovefool too :')

[kingofbodyrolls]

For this rainbow, I finally picked up my professional camera again. The last images stored there tells me that the last time I used it was the 1st of December 2023. Wild. But I picked it up thanks to this pretty rainbow, which was actually a double rainbow. So pretty. This image is made up of three into a panorama shot, and Lightroom was a bit funky with putting them together, so please don't mind the badly processed house in the middle; no, we're not looking at that 😂

For people who want a wall of text status update, it's under the cut.

How are you all doing? I'm hanging in there. Not active much, but I still haven't gotten myself into deleting my tumblr app. So I still see and get all your notifs, even if I don't reply right away! I'm still taking time off, trying to figure out what I want to do with the blog for the future... I have not written a fanfic in some time now, but I have two finished stories that are ready to be published, but I'm not sure. I'm not sure about a lot of things these days... I've had dark days, written a lot of sad and dark poems (that will go on my sub blog some time in the future), and I've begun to write an original story. It's really fun; about magic, witches and mages; about good and evil and all the gray in between. It will probably bore you, but it's fun to write, even though I don't think anyone would read it except for a few friends (even though this thing might be the longest thing I'll write, turning into either two or three books lol).

Serotonin boost I get happy when I get notifs with comments and/or reblogs of my stories; it really touches my heart. To be honest, this is why I left/taking time off. I've always felt that interaction was low, and my stupid brain will not let me stop comparing myself to others, so it slowly killed my drive for writing and posting. If no one interacts, what's the point of posting? If no one interacts, what's the point of writing? But I love writing, and it's one of my creative outlets, so I couldn't let that go completely, hence I started writing original stories instead; no ones gonna read them anyway, but I can still play with characters, world building and storytelling. Those are the things I loved about fanfics---and I still do, don't get me wrong. But I feel so discouraged being on here. But I'm happy to know that a few people still care.

The Downfall This also made it quite hard for me to read; because I felt so unmotivated... I haven't read much this month at all. I tried to read a fanfic this Monday, didn't finish it and haven't picked it up since. Honestly, I've just been watching documentaries because I'm in a (tumblr) slump. I feel drained though; I feel like I've given so much, and I love it. I love making people happy, leaving lovely reviews, and it's as much for myself as it is for making another person happy---but to be honest, it has drained me. I know I shouldn't ask for anything in return, but I feel imbalanced. Like I'm not being filled with much love, if that makes sense? I don't really feel appreciated, but don't get me wrong, I don't feel hated (yeah, I'm so good at being black and white), sorry---I know I sound very pessimistic. But you guess have always been so kind to me, and I love you a lot, and I have a few super lovely mutuals and friends that are lovely internet friends that I adore, so I wanted to be real with all of you. You can hate me for it if you want to. Go ahead.

I don't think I'm going to make a recommend list this month. I haven't really read anything, so it'll be really small. And I don't like the pressure of it anymore... which is why for a long time I've thought about not doing them anymore. Maybe some day I will again in the future. But I'd still love to make rec list on the member's birthdays! And I think this will help me, take some pressure off myself (that I've created myself), so I'll still read and rec, it will just be slower---whenever I feel like it, and not because I have to read to make a monthly rec list. This isn't my job, I'm not getting paid doing all of this, and the amount of time I've been spending on both reading and writing is more than 37+ hours a week, sooo. I have to slow down.

A part of me thinks that I flew too fast, too high and too close to the sun, lol. I'm still gonna be here, you can still send in asks for rec list or whatever you want, all is welcome (except hate, because then I'll simply just delete my blog, my mental health can't take that).

To post, or not to post? Should I post the two stories that I have? Both of them are for the series Friendcation.

And for the unfinished mermaid stories I still have left, I hope I'll finish them in the future; when, I don't know. Maybe one day I'll feel love for them again, to finish them. I have them all planned out, but like I mentioned before, with low interaction, I'm really not motivated to finish them, even though part of me really want to for the like five people that are so sweet and invested, and always comments and reblogs (you guys know who you are, and I love you so fucking much 🥰).

To all the stories I'll probably never write...

I still have some other unfinished but planned stories, and I'm gonna list them here, just for the hell of it. Don't know if people would have found them interesting anyway, but here goes:

Words on a Page (a Namjoon x reader, idol!au where reader is a fanfiction writer and interviewer for a magazine and has to interview BTS). Author's comment: probably never gonna write it. It has been done before, and it was just a very very silly dream I had.

Songs of The Heart (a Jimin x reader, musician!au where Jimin is a single father and reader moves into the house next to his, hear his lonely songs etc, they meet, talk, very angsty, sad and nostalgic and 'Who' coded). Author's comment: this idea came to me after listening to 'who' and then thinking about Jimin being my next door neighbor, yeah, that's it. Don't know if this will ever get written.

IT Support (a Jimin x reader, office!au where Jimin is your nerdy coworker, but a freak in the sheets, lol). Author's comment: this has honestly been on my list for years, but I never written anything for it, and I probably never will, even though I've made the banner and all.

I do have a few more, but I've already scraped those, and then there's the four mermaid stories to add to the list. I'm probably mostly excited about the mermaid stories, and those would be my priority if I ever get back into writing fanfiction again.

I swear, I'm almost finished... Okay, this whole thing has gotten incredibly long. Sorry. Before I end this post, I just want to say how happy and grateful I am to each and everyone of you. I've met some incredible nice people on here, some really caring ones. I'll never forget that. And I'll never forget each wonderful and lovely comment, some people have really helped me, motivated me when I felt low, and when I wanted to stop writing a few months back. Thank you. I kept going, and I wish I could keep going for you, making something special, for the special people I met here. I actually really wanted to do requests for you guys in hopes that it would motivate me into writing, but I just don't know. I still want to give so much back to the people who have hyped me up, so I'm going to tag a few of you lovely people--- if you have a request for a story, you're welcome to message me or send me an ask. I don't know if or when I'll write it, but in case I get a bit of motivation, I have some things I could write from, so if you want to, you can send me a request (just keep in mind the story will probably be a one-shot from 10-20k max or maybe shorter, lol, you never know with me). You don't have to send me a request, I simply want to give back to some lovely people. I wish I could hug you.

@letjungcoook7 @honeybloomyyyy @babystarcandyjk97 @minpdrecs @bobathi @allie-is-a-panda @back2bluesidex @gimeow @antisocial-mochi267

These are but just a few of the people that have supported me on there, either by commenting, reblogging, ask, messaging--you name it. I could list many others, and one day I might make a post celebrating all mt lovely mutuals, that means a lot to me. Thank you for interacting; you've (as long with others) helped me when times were tough. Thank you.

I had actually planned to open a "recommend a fic" section/box, but I'm not sure about that. I still have so many fics on my to read list, and right now I don't want to pile more onto it. Might do it in the future, when I've finally made it through my own lists.

Okay, I have to end this post for real now.

I'm still on tumblr, I still have my app. I deleted my discord app on my phone, but I'm still part of the servers I was before, I'm just not active. It's better for me that way right now, because it all got to be too much. I was just reminded of how much of a failure I feel like (no, we're not getting into that not, store it away). But you can always contact me here. I'm lurking sometimes. I look forward to reading in a more leisurely pace and hopefully not feeling pressured to make the rec lists as I did before (even though just for the completionist in me I want to finish them for just this year, lol).

Okay. If you read this far---thank you, I adore you, I love you, you're nice, keep going 💜