#we're both punished for showing emotions do you understand??

[sailing-ever-west]

don't join reddit you'll find yourself trying to explain things to men online and before you know it you'll suddenly understand sisyphus

[sadokasochism]

For me, the most heartbreaking aspect of Ivan is that the poor clueless bastard didn't have the tools to express his affection in any way that didn't involve violence or manipulation, or weren't too inscrutable, quiet, or unseen to be picked up by Till.

I definitely interpret Ivan as autistic for several reasons, a big one being their Segyein teacher's notes about him:

It's just. Classic ND behaviour to me.

Not only does expressing emotion and communicating the way other kids do not come naturally to Ivan, but it's not as if he's been given a great example of coping with this from the Segyein.

Ivan managed to mask in a way that made him popular with other students, and got him in the good graces of their captors. He did everything expected of him to survive and thrive in this environment.

Then he meets Till, inscrutable and very different to the other kids, just like Ivan is. Except, Till doesn't mask. He doesn't change or try to endear himself to their captors, and he doesn't bend to anyone, no matter how much he is hurt and punished for it.

This is a new situation for Ivan, and he's never had anything to compare his feelings to. He also can't figure out how to communicate with Till, every interaction, no matter how well meaning, seems to end in failure.

I bring your attention to the cheer up comic, and how, again, autistic this interaction feels:

There could be many reasons why Ivan chose to say what he did, but to me it feels like ND bluntness not being received well. And that's fair! From Till's perspective Ivan is being a jerk for no good reason.

Instead of responding with glee towards Till laying him out (as we see from Ivan when they're a bit older), Ivan justs seems... really confused. Like he didn't expect that statement to upset Till that much, and he didn't expect Till to respond in the way he did. Everything was fine a second ago, what went wrong?

Then, Ivan uses the phrase he learned from Till in an attempt to self sooth. It might have been the first example of comfort after an injury/hurt he had ever seen, given how he defaults to it. And it was from Till trying to cheer up a flower.

This also shows some of Till's blindspots. He has grown up having to be vigilant, because violence and hurt have been a core part of his upbringing. This leads to anything he doesn't immediately, clearly understand being perceived as a threat or a slight, and so he reacts violently to Ivan's statement.

I'll also draw your attention to this comic where, as far as we know, Ivan is simply stating a true fact in a blunt manner:

In my interpretation, these types of interactions keep adding up, and Ivan is grasping at straws the whole time, trying to be closer to Till and failing every time.

Eventually, the only surefire way to get Till's attention is to piss him off, provoke him, manufacture scenarios to talk to him. I'm not excusing this behaviour, but I understand where Ivan could be coming from, from the perspective of both an emotionally immature/stunted child and/or an ND child.

Despite how much they fight and bicker, at every moment it really mattered, Ivan was there for Till. It was always Ivan coming to free him, to take off his collar or gag, and it was Ivan who led their escape.

Ivan couldn't leave Till behind when he went back for Mizi. Even with the confirmation that Till would choose Mizi over Ivan every time, Ivan couldn't leave him.

The miscommunication goes two ways though. It's insane to think that Till didn't care about Ivan at all. They were close as kids, and I doubt Till ever forgot about the escape he gave up.

We have the graduation messages, where Ivan is able to write something that could be reasonably interpreted as affectionate or fond towards Till.

Meanwhile, Till's message-

If we're being charitable with our interpretations, we can say this was Till's way of saying 'of course I remember you' and attempting to communicate that Ivan HAD left a lasting impact on him.

However, how could any reasonable person be expected to get THAT out of 'you stole my fucking pencil'? Ivan could have taken this one of two ways:

1) Omg he remembers me 🥰

2) he leans into his 'i will never be loved back' bias and thinks that Till really doesn't care about him at all

Who the hell knows what goes through that weird little brain of his. But given how Round 6 went, and what Ivan had to say in the confession comic, he obviously didn't think his impact was significant enough.

Then Alien Stage happens, and in Round 3 Ivan is FINALLY communicating his feelings in a way that is vulnerable and might even have a chance of being understood as love and yearning!

Till is unconscious through it until the very end.

Then in the next round, Mizi goes missing, and Till can't care about anything anymore.

Ivan finds him after the private performance, takes off his gag, and just holds him. Again, Till is unconscious for all of this.

Then, in Round 6, not only is Till distraught from the disappearance of Mizi, but he's given no time to process what the fuck is going on before Ivan is dead at his feet. Till might have finally had a chance to really understand where Ivan was coming from, how he really felt all this time, and Ivan DIES.

And still, Ivan's most transparent act of affection? It's delivered with violence. He's kissing a distraught Till who tries to push him away, and neither of them are happy. He puts his hands around Till's neck, not really hurting him, but it's enough to look convincing for the cameras, and it's enough for Till to go limp and wait for death. Ivan's final loving act is to give Till a soft look with blood pouring out of his mouth, that Till still does not see, and then let go before falling to the ground.

It's just a collection of failures. We see from Ivan that he truly loved Till, made a lot of selfless decisions for his sake, was filled with so much longing and affection, but he just couldn't get it across in a way that doesn't seem fucking deranged from an outsider's perspective. And when he DID manage to communicate his feelings more clearly, it was to a Till that was unconscious, or too distracted/dense/traumatised to see Ivan's actions as ones of love.

There's no guarantee that Till would have reciprocated even if Ivan had managed to communicate his feelings in a healthier way, but there was at least a CHANCE. At least Ivan could have gotten some closure, even if he was rejected.

Instead Ivan died thinking he was completely unloved by the person who he cared about more than anything else, and his last ditch effort to make Till understand was deeply flawed and uncomfortable.

If these kids had grown up any other way, maybe they could have had a chance. Unfortunately, the world they were in didn't equip them to not hurt eachother in their attempts to grow closer.

[utilitycaster]

did companion quests this morning before driving for two hours for nothing (site visit that got fucked up) so I'm going to send some emails but first let us recap because it is a WILD series of events I have had.

Went to the Necropolis (I always start singing The Church's Metropolis in my head when I say "Necropolis") to lay flowers on Emmrich's parents' graves while he talks to me about lichdom. I'm aware of the consequences thereof though I know it's a ways off, and learned wild new things about Hezenkoss, but specifically it sets up such a fascinating conundrum. Great job; it's fun to play this as a Mourn Watcher who isn't a mage, incidentally, because the dialogue actually handles that scenario gracefully for once.

Went back to the Lighthouse, where Lucanis and Davrin were getting drunk and swapping stories. They're bonding! Finally!

Went to Dock Town to go to dinner with Neve, who is like "Hal's not there so sorry we're skipping stones" and this turns into her having an epiphany on the case with Aelia. It's a good moment and I'm going to talk about it later because...

Lucanis's companion quest (which, as I understand it, is NOT available if you chose to save Minrathous) is also in Dock Town; Teia and Viago have information that's too hot for Treviso so they meet you in the Cobbled Swan instead. They reveal that Caterina's ring was thrown out, which is NOT a thing Illario (only Dellamorte present) would do, which means it's a signal. At this point, Spite takes over and addresses Rook and you go into Lucanis's Mind Palace Prison and it's INCREDIBLE. Genuinely one of the most intense and wild social encounters. I have like 5 memes in mind for later. Literally the only criticism I have is that as you go through the four "locks" (insecurities slash traumas slash Lucanis being more than a little suicidal) is that the Veilguard Team Insecurity should have been represented by Davrin rather than Harding; ngl I missed a lot of Harding's mixed feelings about Spite because that's very early in the game and I tended to do Rogue + Mage partners for quests early on and wasn't as good at eavesdropping on Lighthouse conversations so I kind of missed Harding's trepidation, whereas Lucanis and Davrin's animosity is made much more central. But Caterina and ESPECIALLY Neve (who, because I'm romancing neither Lucanis nor Neve, gets some UNHINGED commentary from Spite) and Illario are all flawless encounters. And THEN after you convince Lucanis to work with Spite and most importantly that he deserves to live and stop punishing himself forever (fun fact! the comedy mask options, which usually aren't my bag? feel really natural and good here, which I think makes sense, as a person who has irl talked more than one person, including myself, off both some dark emotional paths and also bad trips, usually not at once) you both come to and Viago and Teia are like why are both of you dissociating. focus up. A+ quest only one note.

I then returned to the lighthouse where Neve has Emmrich do necromancy on a Shadow Dragon's skull, which is all very nice, and THEN immediately Lucanis is like. Rook! I baked a pie that is Neve's favorite! Have I fucked up everything ever? And, of course, I was like "please for the love of the maker, in whom Rook doesn't believe* tell her how you feel." Anyway this rules.

I think I'll have to finish the full playthrough to give final judgment, and I do think saving Minrathous would be interesting, but from what spoilers I know and from what I've said previously about Neve I think saving Treviso is genuinely the stronger story. Like, on a main story narrative level Treviso is more defenseless and the Shadow Dragons are screwed but Minrathous itself isn't nearly as fucked up by the dragon attack as Treviso would be, but also the Dock Town folks rally better than the Antivans do and that extends very much to Neve and Lucanis. Neve is furious and heartbroken, but she shows up to the story deeply cynical and there's something extremely rewarding about having her come back and say "I knew it, I can only rely on myself, people always let you down, everything sucks and the work will never be done" and to, through persistent work and patience, show her that sometimes people fuck up or let you down and they didn't mean to hurt you and sometimes they can make amends (to the point that we are on quite good terms now!) whereas if you abandon Treviso something breaks in Lucanis and never really recovers. Like, both of them are very pragmatic, but Lucanis does, deeply, want to see the best in people despite everything, and Neve is already, as I said, very cynical and self-reliant even before she's hardened. Also frankly she comes into the story somewhat more mentally well having not immediately been in a torture prison experiencing demon possession for the past ten months. Not that anyone here is mentally well, the reason I'm so obsessed with this story is because "a bunch of highly competent bisexuals with extreme perfectionism issues and various flavors of anxiety and depression move into magical co-op housing, fight god" is, you know, kind of my whole deal, but Lucanis is much more fragile than she is to start.

*I literally played Mourn Watch entirely for the Old Kingdom/Locked Tomb/General Goth Tendencies of it all, and also because I saw a chart that said it was one of the less popular factions and so I was like well then, I shall pick that one, but I cannot stress how much as a Jewish person it speaks to me. Like wow a focus more on ritual and works and importance of knowledge and duty as opposed to faith? Thinking cremation is a weird death custom? The belief that there is a particular importance and selflessness in the work you do to lay the dead to rest? Kind of meh about the main religion of much of the surrounding world but must admit the aesthetic fucks? Anyway. Highly recommend Mourn Watch.

Also btw I learned no one knows what Vorgoth is (which is very funny because we know what he DOES, he executes people who do high crimes against necromancy) but we don't know if he can fuck. He DOES collect landscape paintings? Also if you're Mourn Watch Myrna is kind of mean to you and it's pretty great.

[hypermoyashi]

I finished Chapters 3 and 4 of my Trimax re-read! And, boy, these chapters are so fun and then we're also starting to getting to some of the classic Trimax/Trigun heartbreak, too.

Starting off with! Meryl's chapter! She grew out her hair a little, it looks so nice! And we get her canonical age--she's 23 in Trimax, and 21 pre-time skip. I don't blame everyone for commenting on how accomplished she is at such a young age. It also makes me wonder how old Milly is, too! I always headcanoned Milly as older, but we shall see if canon has any more details on that lol.

I do also really like the themes they explored with Meryl's character here, how she gets just a touch of silly sticky her tongue out at her asshole coworker, saying her time with Vash wasn't as bad as everyone made it out to be, thinking it'd probably be true she'd be happier living a peaceful life but deciding to get involved and help Vash anyway, because she has good memories with him... They note she only traveled with him for four months, and it's been two years, but man. He's still important to her! And she is important to him in return, given he only opened the door for the hitman when Meryl's name came up! Vash&Meryl is one of my favorite dynamics, they're so soft ;~; Meryl was also just. So cool. Confronting the hitman. And Milly to the rescue! Loved that it was Milly who showed up to support Meryl and get her out of a sticky situation when I thought it'd be one of the men. Very fun surprise!

More under the cut! (Mind the warnings!)

Also the amount of silly Wolfwood gets is very much appreciated too! Between popping out of nowhere to ask why the hitman was messing with Vash, dragging Vash to the hospital, pouring Tabasco sauce onto the hitman's wounds, and then eating noodles while watching a major disaster in action--he's so ridiculous sometimes, I love him jrekngjkneg

And then we get our first appearances of Brad and Sensei (or Doc, I think?)! Brad is his normal self, very hesitant on Vash because of reasons, but can't wait for him to come around like he normally does. I think having a group of people Vash regularly visits does help put his immortality into perspective--a lot of immortal figures in stories isolate themselves, but of course Vash loves people and can't bring himself to do that entirely. So you end up with this group of people who've grown up with a stray cat immortal just wandering in and hanging out occasionally, and it's. Both really cool and must be weird, for that one guy you knew as a kid to just be exactly the same now that you're an adult.

And then. We got another scene between Vash and Knives, this one right after the Fall. So same deal as last time, I'm going to break down some of the stuff that went on between them; if you have a different reading of them that does not involve Knives being abusive, that is fine! Please just be respectful of my personal reading!

Warnings for explicit discussions of abusive relationships and the dynamics involved, including both emotional and physical abuse.

Deflecting Blame/Playing Clueless/Downplaying the Harm He's Done: Knives tries to help Vash up after the crash, only for Vash to smack his hand away and start yelling at him. Knives asks what Vash's problem is, as if he can't guess why Vash is upset with him. He also implies Vash shouldn't be angry with him since they're brothers and it's just the two of them now. The fact he immediately starts gloating about how magnificent all the deaths from the crash were doesn't make me confident he was really genuine with not understanding why Vash was mad. To me, it reads more as he knows why Vash is upset, he just doesn't fundamentally see Vash's anger as valid since he thinks Vash should just agree with him. Hence, why he downplays, makes light of, or outright ignores Vash's feelings.

Physical Abuse as Punishment/Power Plays: When Vash compares Knives to humanity, saying his actions are inhuman, Knives agrees and responds by kicking him to the ground, then continuing to kick him while he's on the ground. These aren't light, either--Vash is shown with a bloody nose and bruises on his face in one of the panels on the next page. Knives is using a physical beating to discourage behavior he doesn't like and, to me, it does kind of read as Knives using the beating to shut down Vash being upset with him as well. Since, ultimately, Vash's anger and hurt fades from the scene when Knives gets angry with him in return and beats him. He's also shown as the one in power in this scene, with Vash not even able to fully stand from the sand while Knives is seemly fine.

Isolating Vash from everyone who is not Knives: Very successfully, in this instance. Not only does he talk about killing everyone until it's just the two of them left on the planet, he's also killed Rem, their main adult caretaker and support, along with pretty much anyone else Vash might be able to go to for help, given they'll all be busy trying not to die, if they're not dead already. So Vash is well and truly stuck with Knives at this point in time.

Tacking on a disclaimer that I'm not an expert, and physical abuse kind of falls outside my wheelhouse, as well. Either way, though, definitely interesting to compile this stuff as it crops up within the chapter. I am noticing more now that I'm going through a second read through.

I will report back with more as I continue to read through the chapters!

[simmonsized]

More rvb thoughts!!!

Okay because I'm fresh on season 6 and frothing at the mouth you may have more rvb thoughts:

- I feel like, looking back at a lot of the story, they really didn't need to destroy alpha Church. In fact it would have been kind of fascinating in a lot of ways, and if I had more time, I would do it my goddamn self

- like you know I love epsilon you know my sweet pizza lunchable but. I'm just saying. It would have been rly neat. Rampancy level neat you know???

- If you have not seen the behind the scenes for the director, he's played by basically "someone's dad" which is so cute to me he is just like. A Texas father. It makes listening to him completely hilarious. Oh john marshal reed, you're so cute

- I'm serious I'm so emotional about how Church was never given the chance to actually process what happened to him and who he actually is and I know okay I know epsilon is there but it's just not the same and I'm so upset

- we all know that the L in Church's middle name is Loser

- and you know what I actually feel the same way about Tex. Blah blah agency robbed blah blah you understand

- it's kind of interesting how the director talks to Wash through a "camera" that looks like a monitor, and then later epsilon is placed in a monitor

- God isn't it fucked up how the director's grief for Allison was so strong that it transferred into his AI. Isn't it fucked up how rvb is actually about grief and love

- "there are no punishments for the terrors we inflict on ourselves" YOU KNOW????????????

- trocadero is so fucking good and not to say underrated but people are so obsessed with contact when the ghosts that linger album is right fucking there

- my feelings are hurt and I am sad 8(

- I made myself sad

- I showed tony old docnut art and he actually started tearing up lmao

- tony is like one of the only people to hear the absolutely deranged things I've said in person, and also the only one who knows how many times I've said "they're in love" while staring at him desperately.

- I've actually met the chairman and the counselor before :) they're both super nice

- south...... Sexy

- Dr. Leonard "disgrunted cowboy wannabe" Loser Church

- it's kind of fascinating how you can kind of see the difference in facecanons between people who were in the fandom when Luke McKay's art was out vs people who got into it through Tumblr and stuff

- i have no idea what I'm saying we're watching the behind the scenes right now so I'm making eyes at the screen sorry anon I have so much to say I swear I do

[linagram]

[ 𝙲𝚑𝚒𝚋𝚊 𝙽𝚊𝚘𝚖𝚒'𝚜 𝚃𝟹 𝚅𝙳] 𝙰 𝙶𝚛𝚘𝚠𝚗 𝚄𝚙 𝙲𝚑𝚒𝚕𝚍'𝚜 𝚃𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚛𝚞𝚖

naomi's vd and mv.. oh these ones.. these were hard to write. i feel bad for naomi but i also can't deny that she's a very messed up person..

Warnings for Naomi's VD: descriptions of murder, violence, abusive family dynamics.

Warnings for Naomi's MV: themes of physical and emotional abuse, descriptions of violence.

(sounds of footsteps)

Miki: Do you.. think Ishizu-san is going to be okay?

Hinode: Well, we took the memories of Eiko-san talking about Eiji-san, so he probably should feel less jealous of him now..

Hinode: But I wouldn't be surprised if he ended up remembering Eiji-san once he sees him again. 

Miki: Speaking of Eiji-san.. When is he going to show up?

Miki: It's time to interrogate the fourth prisoner and he's still not with us..

Hinode: Ah.. Let's not worry about that for now.

Hinode: I'm sure he will join us very soon.

Miki: .. He's still alive, right?

Hinode: Why wouldn't he be? It was just a broken arm, I'm sure he's fine.

(the door opens)

Miki: Hello, Chiba-san. We're here to-

Naomi: Akasaki Tao.

Miki: What-

Naomi: Akasaki Tao, 10 years old. He was my student and my victim.

Hinode: .. Starting with this, huh?

Naomi: I just want this to end as soon as possible. Ask me anything you want and I will answer.

Miki: .. Are you mad at us, Chiba-san?

Naomi: "Mad"? *laughs* I'm not mad at all. Just.. confused, maybe?

Naomi: Like.. I just want to know why.

Naomi: Why would you change your mind so suddenly? Maybe my video showed you something you didn't like? 

Naomi: Did you finally realize just how bad my crime was?

Miki: .. I guess you could say so. But also..

Miki: *in a lower voice* Chiba-san, we already know that you're a child murderer, but you really couldn't sit through three trials without trying to kill another kid, huh?

Naomi: .. Hm? What's that supposed to mean-

Naomi: Ah.. I understand now.

Naomi: My apologies, my memory has been quite blurry lately.

Naomi: Probably because of my punishment.

Hinode: Naomi-san, just why do you dislike children so much? Do you just find them annoying?

Hinode: Or maybe you're jealous of them?

Naomi: ...

Naomi: *laughs* Why would I be jealous of that brat?

Naomi: I'm talking about both Asahi and Tao right now.

Naomi: God, they're literally one and the same. It's almost like Asahi is a reincarnation of Tao- Never mind, he's actually older than him.

Hinode: Well, even though Asahi-san's personality is.. quite unique, he's not completely alone.

Hinode: He's very close with Miki-san and lately, he seems to have become friends with some other prisoners, like Akio-san and Kei-san.

Hinode: Yes, there are prisoners who would gladly hurt him, like you and Yurika-san, but..

Hinode: Asahi-san is still loved. And you aren't.

Naomi: .. It's kind of cruel to say things like that, don't you think so, Hinode-san?

Naomi: But it's true.. I wonder why I wasn't able to become close with any of the prisoners. 

Naomi: Maybe there's just something wrong with me.

Naomi: Maybe I'm just not a cute child who can get away with anything, no matter how immoral and disgusting their actions are-

Naomi: ...

Naomi: Haha.. Fine. Maybe I really am jealous.

Naomi: .. But I still can't be mad at Tao. I still feel guilty about murdering him.

Naomi: .. Tao's family didn't care about him at all. He came from a family that was very well-known in our town and they had such a good reputation, but we didn't know what was going on behind closed doors.

Naomi: His family.. was very similar to mine, actually. Maybe that's why I feel bad for him.

Naomi: His parents weren't sad about his death. Honestly, maybe they actually were relieved. 

Naomi: His classmates weren't sad about his death. Some of them even were happy about it. Children really can be so cruel sometimes, haha..

Naomi: So when I found out about his situation.. I just didn't know how to feel. Was I supposed to cry? Was I supposed to be angry? Was I supposed to be happy and proud that I've ended his suffering?

Miki: .. I think we saw Tao-san's parents talking to you in your second video. 

Naomi: Ah.. Right. They did talk to me about Tao and.. the way they treated him.

Miki: T-they've just told you everything?!

Naomi: Um.. Kind of. However, they also made sure to make it sound like.. 

Naomi: It was Tao's fault from the start.

Naomi: "Oh, he was just too hard to control!", "He wouldn't understand us if we tried something else!", "We've always told him to be careful, but he didn't listen!"

Miki: ...

Hinode: Miki-san, is everything okay?

Miki: .. Y-yes. I'm fine. I'm fine.

Miki: .. Did they know that you were the one who killed him?

Naomi: *shrugs* Not sure. But I feel like most people knew it was me.

Naomi: I.. don't remember the days after my murder that well, but for some reason, people were more worried about me than Tao.

Naomi: Like they looked at me and kept saying "It wasn't your fault" and they told me just how good of a teacher I am. 

Naomi: Tao's death felt.. like some kind of twisted celebration.

Naomi: Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that the whole town celebrated a kid dying, but it was more like.. 

Naomi: .. He caused everyone a lot of trouble. Nobody had any good memories related to him. 

Naomi: And his parents really made it sound like he was just being his usual self when he died.

Naomi: He just wasn't careful enough. It was an accident. It wasn't anybody's fault, except it was kind of his fault.

Naomi: And because of their reputation and my family's reputation, people just thought of it as a sad little story and didn't think too much about it.

Naomi: They knew that if they think more deeply about it, they'd probably get in trouble for doubting our families. 

Miki: ...

Hinode: Miki-san, if you're not feeling well, you don't have to-

Miki: .. How did you kill him?

Naomi: Hm? You never saw it in the video?

Miki: Just tell me how you killed him.

Naomi: Well.. To put it simply, I ran him over.

Naomi: *laughs* Mom was right, I really am not the best driver.

Miki: Did you do it on purpose? Was it planned?

Naomi: No, not at all. It just.. happened, I guess.

Hinode: .. It wasn't intentional?

Naomi: It's still a murder though. It doesn't matter if it was intentional or not.

Naomi: It was a rainy day, I couldn't see that well and my mental state was.. not that good.

Naomi: Everything around me was blurry and even when I saw what I thought was some kind of silhouette, I didn't stop. 

(bell rings, machinery sounds)

Naomi: Ah, is the interrogation over already?

Hinode: Naomi-san, but why were your mental state "not that good"? Did something happen?

Naomi: .. Haha, don't worry about it. Just my mother being.. my mother, I guess.

Hinode: You're the oldest prisoner here and you still felt like you have to do everything your mother says?

Naomi: ...

Hinode: You've said that your family is very similar to Tao-san's.. Could it be that your mother also often said that "you weren't careful enough" or put all the blame on you?

Naomi: ...

Hinode: .. So it's like.. Even though you're an adult who has a job, can drive and owns a car, has a good reputation, is respected by so many other adults and loved by so many kids..

Hinode: You still feel like a child who will get punished if she does something wrong?

Hinode: It's just that you don't know if you should be afraid of being punished or you should be asking to get punished.

Naomi: .. Haha..

Naomi: Hey, if you think I am so evil, why don't you just kill me already?

Naomi: Do it. End my suffering, just like I've ended Tao's. Come on, a murderer like me doesn't deserve to live.

Miki: We can do just that.

Naomi: Huh?

Miki: Oh, wait.. We can't, actually. You would need like three guilty verdicts for that..

Miki: What a shame. Also, Chiba-san..

Miki: If you're so evil, why should we end your suffering anyway? Please, go ahead and suffer more for us.

Naomi: What-

Miki: And also, stay the fuck away from my brother, thank you very much.

Miki: Prisoner 004, Naomi, sing your sins! 

42% ▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓░░░░░░░░░░░░ 100%

[ Naomi's Trial 3 MV: Like An Adult ]

The video starts with younger version of Naomi writing something on the blackboard. She smiles and turns to the classroom, looking proud, but then she suddenly gets hit with a paper airplane. 

She looks at the classmate who made the airplane and sees that it's actually her victim, Tao. 

"I hate it, I hate you, I hate myself

It's always the same every single day

Do you think you're better than me? You're just a stupid child

And I'm the adult here, so I have all the power"

He laughs and Naomi looks around. She sees that all of her classmates are just Tao's clones and all of them are laughing at her. She starts to shake and she walks closer to one of the clones. 

"Ugh, I can't take it anymore, so annoying, won't you shut up already?

Looks like I have to solve this problem like an adult would

I have to show that I'm stronger, I have to show that I'm better

Violence is the only way to stay in control"

She grabs the chair next to him and starts beating the boy with it and it looks a lot like her Undercover MV scene, where she does the same thing, but to one of the guards. She laughs as she does so and she starts beating other boys with that chair as well. 

"Your looks, your posture, your voice, your face

Everything about you is not mature enough

Don't laugh, don't cry, look them right in the eyes but not for too long

Go on, look at me, be honest with me, don't feel sorry for me, just like an adult would"

But then, Naomi hears someone's steps and turns to look for the source of the sound and she immediately drops the chair. She doesn't notice that all of the clones are already lying on the floor, covered in blood. She can only see her mother, standing in front of her, looking shocked and disgusted. 

"Oh no, am I still a disappointment to you?

Am I still not enough? Am I still too much?

Being a failure is the only thing I'm winning at

So please reward me for at least trying my best"

The setting changes and now we can see a playground. Naomi's younger version is sitting on a swing and we can see that she has some bandaids on her legs and arms. Naomi sees a kid playing with his mother and being happy and having fun, but when the mother leaves, the kid casually breaks the toy he got from her, not seeing it as a big deal. 

"Can't you be more grateful? You have everything I don't

Nothing is ever enough for you, you're just a parasite

So I have no choice but to crush you like a bug"

Something about his behavior angers Naomi and she attacks the boy, making him fall on the ground. Everything around Naomi is blurry and she can't even see the boy's face clearly, but it looks like she's really enjoying this. And then, her mother appears again, but this time, she looks older. And we see Naomi's older version still attacking the boy as well. The boy looks a lot like a certain prisoner too. 

"Ah, looks like I will never change 

I am still a stupid child in your eyes

Not good enough, not good enough

No matter how hard I try, I will never truly grow up"

It starts raining and we can see Naomi and her mother walking somewhere. Naomi's mother looks really angry and she's yelling at her, but Naomi doesn't seem to care and her eyes look completely empty. Even after her mother slaps her, she still doesn't care much and even laughs. She walks to her car, ignoring her mother who seems to be against her driving, and simply smiles at her as she closes the car door. 

The rain gets worse and we can see flashes of lightning. Naomi is driving and it looks like she's very close to having a mental breakdown. She seems to be having trouble breathing and she's crying and laughing at the same time and she's not looking at the road. When she finally looks at it, we can only see another lightning flash and it's brighter than before.

We see a room that looks kinda familiar and it feels like we've seen it in Naomi's second video. Naomi's mother opens the door and runs into the room, looking worried. She tries to talk to two people who seem to be Tao's parents, but they interrupt her and ask her to follow them. She agrees and they walk into a different room. When the door opens, Naomi's mother gets even more shocked than in the beginning of the video and her face goes pale and we can see drops of sweat on her face. And then we see what made her react this way.

"My looks, my posture, my voice, my face

Everything about me is not mature enough

Don't laugh, don't cry, look them right in the eyes but not for too long

Please say you feel sorry for me, just like a good parent would"

There's younger Naomi, sitting on the couch, completely covered in bruises and scratches, her hair is a mess, her eyes are even more empty, even her pose looks unnatural, but she's still smiling. It's actually the biggest and most sincere smile we've ever seen from Naomi. She starts laughing again and as she does so, her mother covers her mouth with her hand, refusing to believe that this is happening and Tao's parents help her leave the room. 

"Nothing but a disappointment, nothing but a disappointment

Useless child pretending to be an adult

A teacher who has nothing to teach

A failure who has nothing left to fail at"

Naomi just continues laughing and clapping her hands and even crying tears of joy, but then the scene changes and we see the real Naomi, staring directly at the viewer, with eyes that are completely black and her face shows no emotions at all. 

"So won't you crush me already?"

The video ends.

[silverview]

hI it just clocked for me that you wrote that tlw smut fic - absolutely loved it btw 👏🏼 ngl i'm just as fascinated about this episode as you are, and am honestly *obsessed* with your thoughts on it so please Tell Me More 👀

aahh thank you so much!!! i'm so glad you liked it!! 🥰 (for anyone who might be interested, my the last weekend fic is here, but obviously it's pretty dark so PLEASE read the warnings)

thank you for the opportunity to rant some more. i hope i'm coherent. if you have any thoughts yourself i would LOVE to hear them too!! and pls feel free to dm me any time about this or any other episode! (this goes for anyone, my dms are open, i am very friendly and i live to yap about shows)

actually, to talk more about tlw, i need to talk more about its similarity to simon says. at their cores, they are both interrogating what creators owe to fans, and they are both horror stories about what your fans might do to you if you disappoint them. if your work doesn’t please them, if you hurt their feelings online – what will the fans do? will they weave an elaborate web of lies around you, ruin your life, and trick/coerce you into sex? in these episodes they will!

nobody talks about how chas's punishment is in kind. i don't mean the nine years. i mean the specific nature of the punishment, the tables turned against him. "loving someone who hated you." he failed to honour the parasocial contract with his fans, and so he is subjected to the ultimate parasocial rejection. manipulated into caring deeply for someone, believing in a real mutual emotional connection, only to discover it was just a facade. that the person he loved never even said i love you back.

it's a dark revenge fantasy for the fan who's had (for example...) their tv comedian crush be a little mean to them on twitter. a nightmare for the tv comedian in question. i think, consciously or unconsciously, it's a very personal story for them and especially for reece, who is on the receiving end of a lot more obsessive fan behaviour and understandably has a much stronger reaction to it.

i mean, who's really being queerbaited in tlw? not the viewers, not in the traditional sense. chas is being irl queerbaited to death. some people say the deception was too obvious – that he shouldn't have accepted only seeing his partner on weekends, for example. but the humiliation of being easily deceived, of accepting scraps, is important to the punishment. like 🤡 when you let a showrunner transparently string you along.

a little over seven years ago, i sent some fanmail to one of my favourite creators, and we started dating. we are still happily together now, and i am still a fan. but the transition was hard. we self-aware parasociality enjoyers like to think we have things in perspective – that we know we're just projecting and we actually have no idea about the real, flawed human being who exists in private. but knowing that intellectually and being confronted with the reality of it are two very different things. creators and their fans, regardless of positive intentions or demographic similarity or anything else, inherently approach each other with different mindsets which inevitably create discomfort for one or both parties. it's a really interesting and fertile kind of dynamic and i think tlw and simon says are both fascinating explorations in that space.

i think simon says is reasonably authentic and respectful to the fan perspective (never forget they did enough research to drop their own ship name in the podcast about it 🫠) but i see it as a major oversight that simon's reaction to the mention of fanfiction is to say dismissively, "no, it's more sophisticated than that." my partner – who seven years ago would have been confused by or dismissive of this sort of fan culture, but who has learned a lot by living with me – turned to me and said, "a real fan wouldn't say that."

i don't have a neat segue here, i just have one more dumb thing i wanna add about tlw, i'm crazy about this comment from someone on reddit:

he is a prettyboy!! a very pretty boy!! 🥰 but here it's clearly being used as a euphemism for slutty, which i love. oh chas. you poor little pretty monster. you will always be famous. i wonder if reece would be more comfortable with his own attractiveness if he was handsome instead of pretty.

[yandere-fics]

♡ How They React To Someone Attempting To Assassinate Their Darling ♡

♡ The City Version ♡

(Veronia is excluded as no one could even get into her territory to find out you're there and assassinate you.)

♡ She's not surprised that there are people after your head. There's just so many reasons for any given person to want your head. Getting you out of the picture would give several people the opportunity to propose a political marriage so people in the kingdom and outside would both be wanting it. Not to mention the people who want you gone just so Theanna will be weakened. ♡

♡ Still this can not be tolerated. The knights need to do better, while Abigail really wants to visit her manor, there's no way she would be allowed to when the moment she goes to her estate, the knights fail to notice an assassin. ♡

♡ It's quite fortunate that Theanna loves torture, getting their boss's name out of their mouth will be an easy task. She'll have their head at your feet in days, darling. Just wait patiently in the cushioned tower she locked you in, in the meantime. ♡

♡ Another crier. It's literally like it happened to her, mostly because it did. She forgot to mention but she made it so she feels pain for you instead, so when you get stabbed, she feels like she has just gotten stabbed. The pain would be less bad if she was the one who actually got stabbed but your body is weaker than hers and she also has emotional pain now so it feels a million times worse. ♡

♡ You're pretty shocked, you just got stabbed but it didn't hurt and Elisha healed you instantly. Did you dream it? Are you being gaslit? What the actually fuck is going on. ♡

♡ It isn't until you turn around and see her killing a random dude behind you, strangulation this time, mostly because she's in too much pain to think, that you realize that it did in fact happen. Honestly you're just going to pretend it didn't because you don't want to have to think about why it didn't hurt at all. ♡

♡ This time is was a fellow trainee. Sweetheart, you can't even protect yourself during training, how can you expect to be a knight? She's going to be revoking your training privileges. She understands you're stubborn and don't want to settle down and be just her lover but your safety matters far more. ♡

♡ No she didn't pay the trainee to attack you, she wouldn't do that, but this did happen to push along her plans so maybe she won't be as strict when it comes to punishing them. Who is she kidding, she's going to torture them brutally for even laying eyes on you in a threatening manner. But she'll say a small prayer for their contribution in getting you two together. ♡

♡ Next time she'll remember this to get you in her arms. Maybe not scaring you by making you think you're about to die but she might let someone get close to hurting you so you remember why you absolutely love and need her. ♡

♡ Wow! Her latest spell actually worked! Much better than she expected. You're a bit confused as to why you're splattered with blood as a corpse drops to the floor next to you but this is Ainsley we're talking about so not shocking. Unfortunately. ♡

♡ She put a spell on you so if anyone thinks of killing you, they'll explode and die instantly. She honestly didn't think it would be necessary, a bit of overkill but now that she knows it works, she'll refine the spell a bit so her precious darling needn't stress about getting blood on their clothing. ♡

♡ Next time she'll try to see if she can make them explode from ten feet away. That oughta show a message to any would be assassins. ♡

[just-another-star-47]

Auror Special Force AU

💠 Mission: Handling punishment for disobeying well (failed)

Is this already angst? I don't know. 😅

Normally, she was good at judging how far she could go with Sebastian. Over the last few months, she had learnt to interpret his facial expressions, to read when the point had been reached where he felt compelled to make it clear that he was still her superior. And even when she overstepped that point, her punishments usually involved simple cleaning duties. Something she hated and was therefore worthy of beeing called a punishment, but still showed that he never took her pranks and shenanigans too serious.

This time, however, she realised it was different the moment he sent the other troop members out of the gym, his anger blatant in the way he looked at her and in the shaky stiffness of his body.

"I'm really sorry, sir."

"We're only at seven push-ups. I said ten."

At the sound of his voice, she bit her lip to hold back her burgeoning tears. The burning in her muscles was a welcome distraction as she inwardly berated herself for being too sensitive. When she finally stood back up, her throat burned, and she kept her gaze lowered.

"From now on, I don't want to hear any more backtalk. No more pushing boundaries and no more fucking playing with my good nature. Do you understand?"

"Sir, I would never take advantage of your good nature, I..."

"Did you understand my words, recruit?"

"Yes, sir," her voice broke, and if she had looked up at that moment, she could have seen a flash of painful regret in Sebastian's eyes. An emotion that made him even angrier.

And so she was left with only the sound of his voice, filled with fury, echoing in her ears: "20 press-ups followed by a stretch, now!"

She started the exercise obediently, and it took Sebastian a while to realise that it wasn't drops of sweat that were dripping onto the floor at regular intervals.

"MC..." he took a step towards her, but then held back, "there's no need to cry when a lieutenant rebukes a recruit's behaviour."

Without replying, she continued to do her duty, trying desperately not to sob, which was becoming harder with each repetition.

"OK, alright, that's enough..." he grabbed her shoulder and stopped her from continuing.

"I have to do at least five more, sir," she focussed on the ground beneath her feet with a shaky voice.

"I said it's enough," gently taking her chin in his hand, he lifted her head, his eyes searching hers.

"You forgot to count again, recruit?"

With a quivering lower lip, she nodded, still trying to stop the tears.

"I just don't understand why you're crying. We both know I've inflicted far worse punishments on you."

"But you were never this angry with me then."

Confused, Sebastian's eyes narrowed, only to widen after a moment as he seemed to slowly realise. He pulled her head towards him, resting his forehead against hers, only to take a step back and run his fingers through his hair.

"You're dismissed for the day," he murmured before storming out of the room, leaving her alone.

❆⋆❆⋆❆⋆⚔⋆❆⋆❆⋆❆

Logbook: All missions here.

[thoughtfullyrainynightmare]

For your ask game,

What are your thoughts on William and the fact that he never apologized to fuegoleon for literally chopping his hecking arm off

Oh, I get to talk about this moooorrrrreeeee!!! ^^ I have a lot of emotions about this. Not necessarily thoughts, but emotions

Okay, so I touched on it in my Fue post of this ask game and I touched on Fue's emotions about it in this fic (and I do consider as it one of my best work to this day), but let's talk a bit more about it.

I need an apology from William.

Period.

I need William to look Fue in the eye and say "I apologize". I don't even care about bodily harm coming to William. At this point I just need him to apologize. Because I can't really justify any of it, and I tried. I have written pieces where I have tried to justify it for myself from William's point of view, and I just can't. I can't justify William being in the position he is after something like that, because "the punishment is the same for the victim and the assailant". William's punishment was to serve the kingdom as a knight, which was in his job description to begin with. So, it's not really a punishment.

Granted that the in-universe explanation is Lucius needing William, which is why he needed to be kept close. But that's Julius'/Lucius' excuse. William has none. He doesn't have an excuse to do the bare minimum and apologize. For him to say "I was wrong."

I don't expect Fuegoleon to forgive him, and I don't think William expects to be forgiven, which might be another reason as to why William doesn't bother apologizing. Or then he's just too ashamed to do it.

But he should be ashamed!! He should be ashamed. And he should own up to it.

I can't describe how much it must take from Fue to sit, in every single captains' meeting next to the man who dismembered him, like nothing had happened. To sit, side by side with someone who tried to murder you, and nearly succeeded, and you need to carry the very visible sign of having only one arm as a symbol of your colleague stabbing you in the back. I know I would be fuming if that would be me.

I don't believe in "eye for an eye", but I did need to write a scene about this into Embers, in which William does apologize and gets a broken nose as payback (which is immediately healed, mind you, and William offers for this to happen). So, it's a very small price to pay.

But as we're talking about canon, I want Tabs to write this. I want Tabs to put William and Fuegoleon into a room, and have this discussion.

And I think that Fuegoleon putting up with his, just shows the strength of his character. I think it speaks more about Fuegoleon than William.

I think Fuegoleon must have, both, a lot of thoughts and no thoughts at all about it all. I think he has tried to search his brain for answers, for ways to understand it, and I think he has probably given up, because there are no real answers. While William just avoids it, I think.

I hope there is a reason for William to not have enough of a backbone and not apologize, and I hope that it is shown. Or that there is a backflash of William actually apologizing, and we just haven't seen it before. (Because in all honesty, there is no focal point between these two since they're not a part of the main cast, but this interaction would be so meaningful for the captains as a functional unit of Magic Knights, because of what it would mean.)

Oof, that was a bit of a rant ^^' But yeah, I need William to apologize in some point

Thank you for the ask ^^

[cylidae]

I'm so sorry for spamming you with these dumb battle cats. I promise, I'll get back to your regularly sceduled Duncney soon. This sorta crayon style just doesn't work with my human art (in my opinion) so stupid kitties it is!

Anyways, here's a Juniperclaw

(Click read more for a ridiculously long WC rant)

The writing did my man dirty. You're telling me Assfur got into StarClan but this boy had good intentions, died saving Shadowkit to redeem himself for his actions, and then fought alongside cats from all other clans (including Rootspring of SkyClan which is an excellent character moment considering it's what he did to SkyClan that got him sent to Hell in the first place) against Ashfur as a ghost, risking his life for them, and he's sentenced to stay in the Dark Forest anyways. This cat who is clearly better than characters like Clear Sky and Ashfur (not slander btw love both of them, just talking about morals) has to stay in a place where there is no light, no company, no way out, and he's constantly starving. He is slowly fading from existence while he fades from other cat's minds. He is surrounded by magic black water that eradicates his soul from existence and cats who murdered and likely have issues with him considering he fought against Ashfur. There is nothing for him to live for, however awful that sounds. The Dark forest literally runs on negative emotions. It is designed as a torture mechanism in the sense that he just can't be happy there. And don't give me that bullshit that he guards the portal between StarClan and the Dark Forest. He sits in front of a portal all day where he is still on the Dark Forest's side. This isn't a reward. This is StarClan spitting in his face by essentially telling him "We trust you enough to let you guard this portal, thereby entrusting you with the fate of StarClan as a whole, but we do not trust you enough to let you out of Hell." I'm dying. I'm so angry at this decision. I don't understand how the authors could write him to be an objective;y good guy and still doom him to the worst fate in the Warrior Cats universe. Juniperclaw made mistakes, sure. I'm not arguing that he was right to poison SkyClan prey, but Clear Sky has a body count ranging in the double digits. Ashfur tried to kill his exes dad and her three children because he was bitter over a breakup. Mudclaw turned against his clan and tried to kill them because he didn't get a promotion. Rainflower abused and neglected her child after he was seriously injured, forcing him to take an ableist name for his injury. Appledusk cheated on his wife. There are a whole list of cats who have been confirmed to be in paradise while Juniperclaw, who has never killed a cat, is in Hell with no chance of ever getting out. It's so morally disgusting and I honestly don't understand how anybody could think this was okay. They set him up on a redemption arc. He has redeemed himself twice. StarClan has acknowledged him as a good cat, and yet he's still cast out. StarClan admits to having made a mistake with Ashfur, and yet they refuse to accept Juniperclaw.

There are other characters wronged by this, by the way. I draw Juniperclaw so he's who I talked about, but other notable examples include:

-Frecklewish (went to DF for not saving kits from a raging river that even experienced swimmers weren't capable of saving them from. She saw a rescue party show up and left due to the fact that her presence would only serve to distract RiverClan from saving the kits.)

-Brightflower (Went to the DF for accusing Yellowfang of killing her kits. Yes, she was wrong and mean, but we're eternally punishing cats for accusing people of things now???)

-Lilywhisker (Went to DF for injuring her leg and being upset about it. No, I am not making this shit up.)

-Antpelt (Was manipulated by DF cats into training there and later killed in said training. Previous examples showed other trainees being brutally killed for trying to leave, and yet he was expected to?)

-Deerfoot (I don't even know what he did. He was outspoken, but right about most things. I'm just confused about this one. Sorry, buddy.)

-Blizzardwing (Cheated on his wife. Don't have an issue with him being sent to Hell for this, but if he is then Appledusk should be, too.)

-Tangleburr (Was manipulated by her brother and supported him as leader when 50% of the clan did the same)

-Redwillow (Same situation as Antpelt. Was manipulated by the DF and never given a real chance at redemption.)

-Snowtuft (It's never confirmed what he's done, because he's been there so long that he's forgotten. He's shown to be a kind and good natured cat. It's so fucked up to have his memories slowly fade to the point where he has no clue why he's even there. If he did something horrible, surely a punishment makes more sense if he actually knows what he did.)

-Sparrowfeather (Fought against Ashfur and redeemed herself after her death.)

-Maggottail (Despite that horrible name, he fought against Ashfur and redeemed himself after death.)

-Silverhawk (Same as Sparrowfeather and Maggottail)

Sorry for this ridiculously long rant. I love these silly cat books, but they're awful :)

[raayllum]

No offense but how could you support a show when a creator has been abusive to their employees? Isn't that bad?

under a read more bc jc anon

fascinated that you think this an appropriate question for you, a stranger, to ask me, also a stranger, regardless of anything, but especially when you have no understanding of my own (or any other stranger's) history with emotional abuse

which hello, hi! i am have been emotionally abused twice. it was fucked up. both times majorly sucked ass. thank you for randomly dropping an ask about an upsetting topic in my inbox with no warning. you're clearly very good with boundaries & considering people's feelings & all potential angles :))

no, i'm not particularly concerned over the lives of people i don't know personally over a situation that was resolved more than 4 years ago. i haven't been very concerned about it since the head writer of the show, who is also a queer woman (and was publicly 'outed' as one of the women apparently abused by someone who had left the company months prior - which, don't think i have to say you don't out anyone's experiences with emotional abuse without their permission, even if they talk about it later, good god) confirmed that things have improved. more details here if you're interested

bc the fallout, company got HR. literally cannot do that without the creator's go ahead. that's all the accountability i need. it's not my responsiblity to make someone i do not know better, not even the two people who spoke out ever asked for a boycott, and unlike some other fans i've also never lived in cognitive dissonance land of thinking someone is never improving/stuck as an awful person forever while also wanting the show to continue cause that's fucking Weird bro

i don't care about your moral judgements, ngl. idk what your history is and i'm not going to assume because we're Strangers, and if you're too uncomfortable with it that's your prerogative, but i'd take a queer friendly fantasy show that i enjoy with my friends any day over denying myself happiness just because someone was a dick for a time (and abusers are still People anyway, but that's a discussion for another day).

i'm not interested in the moral purity of interrogating everything i love. i'm not interested in purity culture or punishment > rehabilitation at all, actually. which is why if you wanna come off DMs and have a conversation, or send a follow up ask that's more on kilter, i'd be perfectly happy to engage. but to be frank:

no offense, but i don't really know why or how you thought this was your place. please think a little bit more thoughtfully before you choose to come into my inbox again

[horizon-verizon]

Do you think Viserys was serious about his desire to disinherit Rhaenyra after the brothel incident? That Jaehaerys would have done so is a moot point. Jaehaerys would never have chosen a woman. I don't know why Viserys even invokes his name. I find it hard to believe Viserys thinks setting Rhaenyra aside will divide the realm. He knows his lords want his son on the throne. But then he repeats it to Daemon! And then he is all smiles with Rhaenyra at the wedding feast and openly calling her "the future queen." I don't know if we're meant to think Rhaenyra knew he wasn't serious or if the writers just neglected to address it again. I feel like there should have been some emotional fallout from Rhaenyra if she thought he truly did not want her to be his heir any longer.

*EDITED POST* (4/15/24)

Here is what I say about Viserys' and his decision to keep Rhaenyra as his heir.

I do not think he would have really disinherited her because that man-- while similar to Jaehaerys in having misogyny and treating his daughter as a political tool, ignoring her before naming her his heir and demanding her unquestioned obedience--still ends up hearing her opinions and following her suggestions in a way Jaehaerys absolutely would never, and I mean without there being harsh and self-defeating punishment. Both Jae and show!&book!Vizzy called private meetings w/their "wayward" and wayward daughters to keep the news of their actions in, but Viserys proves the former by listening to her (and what she forces him to recognize that he himself already suspected) about Otto in episode 4, and we do not see Rhaenyra actually "grounded" or have her items confiscated or anything while Saera was forced into becoming a septa-in-training for a bit after being forced to watch her father brutally kill someone.

We can go back to how J the First kills Braxton Beesbury in front of Saera, calls her a whore and abandons her, tries to get Alysanne to feel as she is the only/main one at fault for Saera's running away, wanting they rid of Daella and willing to marry her to just about anyone (Alysanne at least tried AND, again, tried to get Jaehaerys to be more involved), didn't train any of his daughters to participate in politics so that Alyssa, who wanted to be a warrior as well as a mother, ended up thinking only about providing Baelon with boys (not "child" but "male child"), did nothing for Gael, etc.

However:

Rhaenyra ran Dragonstone for almost 20 years

Viserys may have done not that much as he or Jaehaerys would have for a male heir (Baelon), but she also sat in councils since she was 8 at least, 7 if we count her cupbearing year

Viserys still allows Otto back. So we understand that his wishy-washy personality comes from him trying to please the lords (the affluent and influential Hightowers here) by overruling them and keeping a measure of political balance. Not to the extreme extent of canon Aenys I, who didn't go too hard trying to satisfy people, but like Aenys I, Viserys thinks that by complying with the wishes of the lords/men around him he will maintain his control. Not knowing he keeps giving it up

It's not that he thinks that removing Rhaenyra would divide the realm so much as: she's oldest; she is Aemma's daughter; and he feels that all that he has left -- also in his failure to be the masculine knight like his brother or leaving any sort of glorious legacy of his very own -- would be through Rhaenyra. Rhaenyra is also a person who was with him during his happiest times. Man doesn't know how to balance his priorities or even how to make it seem as if he is doing that. He's making excuses to himself similar to what he did with Otto and how Rhaenyra had to be the one to call him out.

As for using Jaehaerys' name, he is trying "discipline" her to get her to see him as the unquestioned authority and means of keeping their house together that he feels she is not acting like when she doesn't obey the patriarchal restrictions placed onto her. He is saying, "I could be so much worse (Jaehaerys I) and you wouldn't be heir without my leave. Why are you acting this way?!". Because he is a man, he doesn't get it and because he feels pressured to be what he thinks is a "good" king (coming after the heels of the celebrated, compliant Jaehaerys I).

And while show!Rhaenyra is definitely hurt by all his words, the fact that he won't hear her out and would take the lords' side against her, and the fact that he would even say those words...she isn't surprised it seemed to me. (Contrast to Alysanne and Jaehaerys over Saera.) Which is part of how she could tell him to focus on the thing he keeps getting away from: Otto's inappropriate and boundary-crossing behavior, using his own thoughts about what a king "should" do. There is emotional fallout, but it's contained so that she can "do what needs to be done" AND she knows that with his mindset, the "accusations", and his mood it won't pan out as he wants. Though, I do agree that I'd like to see more scenes of her anxiety shown through her actions....like the canon ring-turning that this show modified and gave to Young!Alicent through her skin-ripping.

Your question is a good question, so please don't take what I say next as a mark against you. It's actually a mark against the writers.

Questions like yours are exactly why the jump cuts were absurd and costly to the narrative. Because of them, were left with the feeling of emotional deprivation scenes that could provide more meaning and material that explain the characters' motivations but that are still dynamic and proactive. Without those scenes, it's harder to track moments where we'd go, "That's the moment of realization, or the turning point!" where relationships soured or shifted into a new dynamic and HOW! All of that is important.

But instead we got people making the craziest headcanons or having too many, sometimes contradictory, explanations for the littlest facial expression that could mean absolutely anything. While facial expressions can have impact, the second on context and situation to have that meaning, and if you expressions outnumbering the dialogue lines...... ugh. That's what happened to make and strengthen the HelaenaxAeomond ship.

And sometimes viewers are just genuinely trying to understand what's going on in terms of plot, and that's not what you want in your TV show!

Subtext is great...when the text is coherent and psychologically consistent.

[buffyandwillow]

Saw you ship Buffy with every minor female character in the show 😂 and, though she isn’t minor by any means (this is just a rare pair) now I gotta ask: Buffy/Anya? 😊

LITERALLY MY FAVOURITE RARE PAIR. *coughs* I mean what I'm totally normal about them. (Here's an obligatory self-rec of my post-series Buffy x ghost!Anya fic.)

Send me a ship and I’ll answer three questions based on if I ship it or not.

What made you ship it?

They're my two favourite BtVS characters and I want them to kiss, that's it, that's all.

What are your favorite things about the ship?

OK, first of all, they're arguably the two scoobies that get along the least well. You could say, arguably, that they often do not get along at all, or even particularly like each other. Does that matter? No.

To point out a few canon tidbits I really enjoy:

one, Anya helps to resurrect Buffy. Of the four scoobs who participate in the spell, Anya 100% seems like the one who be level-headed about it, who would attempt to talk the others out of it. She knows there are risks. She knows, I am sure, that their decision is being fueled by emotion rather than reason. And she goes along with it anyway, because she misses Buffy too.

two, Anya helps to care for Dawn. Yes, at first it's only because of Xander, but she grows to have a real affection for her. When Anya finds out that Dawn has been stealing from the Magic Box, she's hurt - not because of the money, but because she feels personally betrayed. And helping to care for Dawn = helping for and caring for Buffy, by extension. They're part and parcel. (On that note, I also love that Anya grew to care for Joyce - I love that she loves Buffy's family.)

three, Buffy's a bridesmaid in Anya's wedding party. They're not personally close, except that they are. They'll always participate in each other's most important life events.

four, in Restless, in Buffy's dream, she looks over at Willow's bed in their dorm room, and it's Anya there, and Anya tells her to wake up. I DO NOT KNOW THE MEANING OF THIS, but Anya's wake-up call was a warning (the First Slayer was preparing her attack), and I like the idea that Anya can be that for Buffy - a wake-up call, a tether to reality.

five, Anya is a thousand-year-old demon who mains and punishes men on behalf of wronged women. Buffy has been wronged a few times. Basis for ship? Basis for ship. Also Buffy clearly has a thing for demons who've been around the block at least a couple hundred years.

six, all the other little things. Anya is the one who suggests a spell Buffy can use to help her find what's wrong with her mom. She (and Tara and Xander) want to help Buffy in s6 by spending more time with her. They have movie nights together. Dance-y times at the Bronze. Scooby research sessions. Scooby apocalypse sleepovers. THERE'S CONTENT HERE, I SWEAR.

one last thing. There is one quality about their canon relationship that is so indescribably interesting, and I'm going to try to put it into words here as best I can. Buffy is the Slayer, and with that role comes certain duties. Anya is/was a vengeance demon, and with that role comes (very different) duties. In Selfless, Buffy goes to kill Anya, and Xander/Willow are horrified, but Anya... Anya doesn't take it personally at all. Anya doesn't go, hey, we're friends, you wouldn't do this to your friend!. Anya recognizes that Buffy is the Slayer and she's doing what she must. An understanding exists between them. And THEN. In the next episode, they've both moved completely past the fact that Buffy stuck her sword through Anya. Buffy goes to see how Anya is doing, and saves her life from a would-be assassin sent by D'Hoffryn. She tells Anya that she doesn't want her friends ('friends' very much including Anya) alone right now. There are no lasting grudges between these two. There is no jealousy or resentment or paranoia or any of the other little things that lurk in the background of pretty much every scooby relationship. So, in that regard. well. I just think they're neat.

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

I dream about a world where enough people ship Buffy/Anya that popular opinions exist.

Anyway, I think that the inconsistencies in the writing of both Anya and vengeance demons is a bummer overall, although tbh this opinion is probably only unpopular with Joss Whedon.

[number1villainstan]

On the stage, a little girl is being screamed at by a mother who refuses to understand the nature of an accident. Off the stage, two figures stand--one human, one not.

"Why must you show me this," the human says.

"Because," the not-human answers. "You have something to learn."

"I lived through it. What more could I learn?"

The not-human scoffs. "You lived through it, yes, but you hardly saw it clearly."

"What did I do to deserve this?" the human groans.

"How many times have you told your Expendables, Kai? It isn't about deserving." The not-human extends one of their many arms, points to the sobbing little girl on stage, her messy brown hair falling in front of her face and her knees as she curls up in an attempt to withstand the mother's rage. "Did that little girl deserve to be punished so harshly?"

"It was your fault. We destroyed an entire wall."

"I had come into consciousness as a new being mere seconds before. I had no memories. I knew nothing of the world. To reach out and to experiment is a universal instinct among the young; how was I to know that we would be punished so harshly for it? Neither of us were at fault for this."

Kai wraps its arms around itself. "Someone still had to be punished."

The not-human sighs. "Is punishment really so necessary? When an operation went sour because Nemoto's intel was wrong, did you punish him? When Tabe made a mistake because he couldn't fully understand your instructions, did you punish him? When Sakaki relapsed as he struggled to fight his addictions, did you punish him?"

Kai says nothing. Its silence is damning.

"But if you are so eager for punishment," the not-human says, unfolding several more of their arms and spreading them in gestures impossible to describe using normal human anatomy, "then let us watch something that is indisputably your fault."

The scene on stage changes, but not really. The little girl's hair is now white, longer than before, and there's a tiny horn on her head; instead of the trappings of a house the figures are now surrounded by concrete and machinery; instead of a mother it is now an uncle, a father-who-is-not-a-father. But still, the girl cries; but still, the father rages.

Kai shudders, draws itself away. "Overhaul. Please, god. Not this. Not after that."

"Overhaul is the name humans gave me, and the name you gave that horrible persona, the one you thought would save you. Call me Alchemy."

"Fucking--fine. Alchemy. Just make it stop."

"I can't do that. We may not have enough time."

"For what? So that you can torture me? Take out all of your hatred on me now that I'm defenseless and no one cares enough to try and snap me out of it?" It falls to his knees, fingernails digging into its upper arms, unwanted tears falling from its eyes.

"I would have every reason to, wouldn't I? You denied my sentience, my very existence, until I dragged you here and forced you to see me directly. But no, I don't hate you."

"Then why?"

"Because you will be stuck the way you are until you learn."

"It hurts."

"It's the surgeon's scalpel."

Kai sighs. "And there's no such thing as emotional anesthetic." It leans back, scrubs the tears off of its cheeks. "But what does deserving even matter? People in power will use any excuse to hurt those they hate. I--" it says, gesturing to the stage, "--am proof enough of that. You're proof of that."

"I just said I don't hate you."

"Forgive me for not believing you after all of this."

"'All of this,' as you put it, is to make you learn. As I said before. You will be stuck the way you are until you learn."

"What's so wrong with that?"

"You are miserable the way you are. Both of us are. Do you truly want to be static and stuck and miserable? For any period of time? To change is to live. To be static is to die."

"Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to die."

"Kai. For fuck's sake. What was the first law of the streets?"

Kai looks up at them. "To survive, first and foremost. But we're not on the streets."

"You weren't on the streets while you lived with the Hassaikai, but you still lived by that rule. Every living creature lives by that rule. Why should you be different?"

"Fucking--I don't know. Maybe the world would be better off with me dead."

"Who gives a shit about the world? Your Expendables wouldn't be better off, and you care about them more than you care about the world."

Kai is silent again.

Alchemy sighs, placing their hand on its head. The scene on stage changes again, really changes, from the little girl and the angry parent to a boy now, older, more experienced, sitting across a low table from an older man, with smile lines creasing the edges of his eyes even as sadness drags them down. The boy and man are talking, dancing on the edge of argument, digging through the weeds towards something they both need to say.

Kai frowns. "This never happened."

"It might have. Now hush," Alchemy says. "Watch. Study this. Learn from it. And change."

[aerospectrum]

Dean's features were hard and focused on the spot Gabriel had been, he swallowed hard and finally took a breath, slowly exhaling when he saw Madison's warm eyes gauging his reaction. He gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze, but let her walk to the couch before turning his attention down to Cas. His hand palmed Cas' neck before he roughly squeezed to illicit a sense of doom and discomfort before shoving him forward towards the couches; the way an older sibling would-- or maybe how the memory of a too physical- too harsh father would when their kid made a mistake.

Dean wasn't a violent man... but there was subtle things he did that showed that not all his edges had been softened by years of trying to be better than John. He kept his grip on the back of Castiel's neck like an owner carrying around a rabid animal and when he didn't answer Madison at first Dean tightened his fingers and gave his head a slightly rougher than necessary shove forward. "Use your words." he barked out.

"No!" Cas snapped, his voice young, quiet... soft.

"No, what? No you didn't call him here to kill her or no he's not going to kill her?"

"No." he stated angrily again, cringing under the pressure of Dean's harsh grip.

"No, what? Answer the fucking question Castiel!" Dean shouted- the way his full name rolled off Dean's tongue made his blood run cold and his eyes... fog up. Angry tears he wouldn't let fall. "Do you wanna get hurt- is that what you want? Do you wanna get yanked back to heaven and have your brain scrambled again- do you want Naomi to take you away and punish you, what do you want, Cas? Why can't you just listen, man, why do you always have to go and fucking mess shit up, what's wrong with you?!"

"Dean!" Sam snapped, shaking his head at his brother's rampage of accusations and idle threats. "Enough dude, take a breath." It wasn't hard to read the overstimulation on Castiel's face or Madison's either, he didn't need Dean making things worse now that Gabriel was there either.

"Sit." he ordered tersely, removing his hand from Cas' neck and grabbing both his shoulders, forcefully shoving him into the seat. "Right here where we can see you, until you can act like an adult you're gonna get treated like a kid." Dean growled out the words and Cas clenched his jaw so hard his lips pressed together and his brow line deepened into a dark glare. He huffed, pent up emotions that he hated to show- a behavior of his fathers he never wanted to emulate, but it was like anger clouded logic or the ability to rationally process Castiel's desperate attempts to help them.

"I've gotta... talk to Madison, can you just watch him while we're in the kitchen?" Dean looked to Sam who relented with ease. Dean mostly just wanted to ask Madison if she was alright... but he also wanted to get away from Cas.. still mad at him even if he was just a kid. "You're gonna answer my damn questions when I get back, understand?!" he threw one last threat out then tugged Madison up from the couch into the kitchen with him. His breath shaky and his hands the same.

Gabriel was laughing at her. No, mocking her. And she couldn’t do anything. She could only glare & pout. The candy wrapper in her hand crackled as she squeezed it.

At the accusation of lying her cheeks got hot. Half in frustration half in embarrassment, she actually thought she was a pretty good liar.

The brief moment he shared w/ Dean had her raising her brow. But it was comment Gabriel made to her that sent her huffing & snapping. “Fuckin prick.” She muttered. Was she wrong to have an attraction to Dean? It didn’t seem wrong, but everyone else seemed to think so. She wasn’t playing favorites… was she?

Gabriel was gone & Madison gently touched deans arm & looked up at him. Her eyes asking ‘are you okay?’ Before turning to cas. “So….. another family meeting?” She sighed & saw herself to the couch then flopped down. Her head in her hands & she looked up at cas, many questions going through her mind then she leaned back & stared up at the ceiling.

“Is he going to kill me.” She asked bluntly. When cas didn’t answer immediately her head shifted, “did you call him here… to kill me.”