#we’re all gonna have different yums when it comes to fic

[dreamingthroughwords]

some people are au people. some people are fluff people. some are angst or hurt comfort or smut and we’re all gonna have different interest in what we like to enjoy. what matters is we’re all equally in love with the same piece of media to keep creating and uplifting everyone for it whether it be for an incredibly long 100k word au or literally just the most ungodly smut to exist. we’re all connected by our love for our favourite thing in different forms and i think that’s beautiful

[peggyrose19]

Midnight Kisses

HAPPY NEW YEAR LOVELIES!! I’M MANIFESTING A HAPPY 2021 DAMMIT!! SO ENJOY MY PAINFULLY FLUFFY MIDNIGHT KISS FICS FOR THE SW SHIPS. THESE ARE SHIT CAUSE I STARTED THEM AT 9PM BUT IT’S FINE.

I’ll stop yelling now. I really wanna explain all of these but I’m not going to because there’s honestly no need, I just tend to over-explain things. So enjoy all the fluff and love in these little one-shots. Characters from the amazingly talented @lumosinlove. I wish you all the most boring, uneventful 2021 <333

Coops

“Look, baby,” Remus whispered, pointing up at the sky, although the fireworks were hard to miss. 

“They’re beautiful,” Sirius murmured. He wasn’t looking at the fireworks exploding in the night sky, but the man in his arms. Remus glanced down at him, catching his eye.

“What?”

Sirius shook his head. “Nothing. Just… happy. I love you.” 

Remus smiled, seeming to understand what he meant. He remembered the late night, exactly a year earlier, when he had swallowed those words down, all dim light and flushed cheeks in the back of a car, hiding from the world. Not that it had mattered. 

“I love you too,” he said back, pressing a kiss to Sirius’ cheek, and then his lips. It wasn’t yet midnight, wouldn’t be for a few hours, but Remus didn’t care. He could kiss Sirius, his fiancé, in wide open now without fear. It was a privilege he was never taking for granted. 

When midnight did come, and fireworks were set off once more, Remus kissed him again, surrounded by their friends and family as they all rung in the new year. Sirius was sweet and pliant beneath his hands, arms wrapped tightly around him, never letting go. 

It was the perfect start to a new year. 

O’Knutzy

“Happy New Year, baby!” Logan shouted, arm wrapped around Finn’s neck. 

“Lo, that was the oven,” Leo sighed from the kitchen. “It’s 11:32. Honestly, we should not have let him drink so much.”

Finn just shrugged, accepting the wet kisses Logan was now planting to his cheek and neck. 

Leo fought a smile as he watched them. So maybe drunk Logan was kind of endearing. 

“Here.” He held out one of the pigs-in-blankets from the batch cooling on the counter, and Logan took it happily in his mouth.

“Yum,” he managed around it, grinning at Leo. Finn accepted one too, still caught by Logan’s arms around him. Leo ate one too, then walked around the island to their side, wrapping his arms around them both. He kissed Logan’s cheek. 

“I’m glad I get to spend the new year with the two of you,” he murmured. 

“We’re glad too, baby,” Finn replied, twisting to press a quick kiss to his lips. “I love you.”

“Love you too, Fish.”

“I love you Knutty!” Logan yelled, and they both jumped. 

“Oh, Tremzy,” Finn sighed. “What are we gonna do with you.” 

Logan’s eyes lit up. “Kiss me?”

Leo gave him a quick kiss and pulled away. “At midnight,” he promised when Logan pouted at the loss of contact. 

“Well, midnight needs to hurry up and get here then,” he grumbled. Finn just laughed and tugged him towards the couch.

“C’mon, let’s wait for the ball to drop.”

Logan let himself be pulled, collapsing nearly on top of Finn and making no move to adjust his position. Finn flipped the television on and pulled a blanket over them, leaving room for Leo once he was done in the kitchen. 

A moment later, Leo joined them in watching the commercials currently playing, snuggling into Logan’s side, smiling happily. They watched quietly, enjoying each other’s silent company, until it was nearly time. 

At five minutes to, Leo pulled the champagne from the cabinet. Logan was nearly bouncing up and down. Leo wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to give him more alcohol. 

As the countdown began, Finn took the bottle from Leo. When they hit one, he popped it open, and all three of them cheered. With wide grins, Finn and Leo kissed Logan’s cheeks, and then each other, and then Logan one by one.

They drank their champagne and kissed again, sloppy and sticky and in love. 

When they fell back onto the couch, tangled together in a pile of limbs and blankets, it was to the sound of fireworks outside and the pounding of their own hearts, the taste of champagne on their lips, and the overwhelming feeling of the happiness that was to come.

Thoelle

Thomas still couldn’t quite believe his luck. He couldn’t believe it when he woke in the morning to Noelle asleep at his side, or the days she would pick him up at the rink, or the kiss she gave him each night before bed.

He certainly didn’t believe it was two minutes to midnight and she was by his side, arm around his waist as they waited impatiently for the ball to drop and the hour hand to fall to the 12. 

“What’re you thinking about?” she asked him, dark hair falling in a curtain over her shoulder. He ran a hand through it, in love with the silkiness and the way always she melted under his touch. 

“You,” he replied softly.

“What a charmer you are,” she murmured, but her cheeks were flushed. 

“Still can’t believe it.” 

“Believe what?” She had turned more towards him now.

“That I have you. Still feels like a dream sometimes.” 

She smiled, ducking her head. Noelle wasn't usually one to shy away from attention, but sometimes he could still get her. Thomas leaned down and lightly kissed her nose, making her laugh and look back up at him.

“You wanna know something?” she asked.

“What?”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Thomas replied almost instantly, on instinct. Noelle laughed a little, eyes wide. 

“You do?”

“Of course.”

She opened her mouth to respond, but was interrupted by a loud shout, the countdown beginning around them. Instead she just grinned up at him.

“You ready for a new year?”

“With you by my side? Hell, yeah.”

Together, they shouted the last few numbers, “Four...three...two...one!” 

As cheers erupted around them, Thomas leaned down and kissed Noelle softly.

“I love you, Noelle Tremblay,” he murmured against her lips. She pulled away and laughed, giddy and free, wrapped in his arms and warmth. 

She kissed him again, whispering back, “I love you too, Thomas Walker.” 

O’Darwin

Kasey’s constant was back, at least for a little while. 

It had been a surprise, to see Alex standing on their doorstep three days before New Years, a suitcase in one hand and a bottle of champagne in the other. Natalie had jumped on him instantly, taking the bottle from him and kissing him, tugging him into the apartment by the collar of his jacket.

“Alex O’Hara,” she had scolded him, “How dare you show up here unannounced?” Alex had just grinned.

“I wanted to surprise you.”

Kasey had shaken his head, kissing Alex softly and settling by his side on the couch. He was glad Alex was home, even if it was just for a few days. He had missed him.

Now it was nearly midnight on New Year’s Eve. All three of them were drunk, happily sequestered in the apartment. Natalie and Alex were dancing to bad pop music, leftover lights from Christmas sending rainbows dancing across their faces as they moved, with glitter in their hair and champagne on their lips. They had meant to save it for midnight, truly. 

“Kase, come dance with us!” Natalie laughed, grabbing his hand and tugging him off the sofa. He let her, smiling softly at the two of them.

He looked up as the clock on the mantle began chiming, and fireworks began outside.

“Happy New Year,” he murmured to them and Natalie and Alex both cheered. They kissed each other, and then him, and Kasey smiled at the taste. 

Beginning the new year with his two favorite people wasn’t so bad after all. 

Nuny

The phone woke Jackson from his nap. He answered it groggily, not bothering to read the caller name.

“Hello?” he asked grumpily. 

“Nado?” a familiar voice asked and suddenly he was wide awake.

“Zhenya. Hey. How are you?”

“I’m good. It is uh… how you say? Midnight here.”

“Oh!” Jackson squinted at his watch, quickly doing the math on the time difference. “I guess it is. Well, happy new year.”

“Thank you.” Evgeni fell silent for a long moment. “I’m wish you were here,” he said finally, breaking the silence. 

Jackson sighed. “Me too. I miss you.” 

“Miss you. I see you soon, da?”

He smiled. “Yeah. Yeah, Kuns, soon.”

“I’m kiss you then.” 

That made Jackson laugh quietly. “Yeah, you kiss me then.” He bit his lip. “Go to sleep, Zhenya. I’ll call you again in the morning.” 

“Okay. I’m call later.”

“Good, okay. Happy New Year, Kuns.”

“Happy New Year.”

Jily

Harry was getting big. It felt like just a week ago he had been a tiny newborn, fitting in the palm of James’ hand with room to spare. Lily didn’t mind. Usually. He was nearly a year old now, able to crawl all around the house and make endless babbling noises, talking to his stuffed animals and the bugs in the garden. 

He was crawling around the living room now, dressed in a new onesie that wouldn’t fit him in another two weeks, picking at the carpet and up way past his bedtime. 

Lily and James had missed the actual countdown, preoccupied with chasing their little gremlin around the house and failing to put him to bed. Even little Harry seemed to sense the excitement in the air.

It was nearly one in the morning by the time Harry finally fell asleep, stuffed lion clutched in his tiny fingers. The two exhausted parents collapsed onto the couch, leaning into each other as their eyes slipped shut.

“I can’t believe he stayed up… for six extra hours,” Lily mumbled without opening her eyes. James just grumbled. “We missed the countdown, too.” 

“‘S okay,” he answered sleepily, “We can do it next year.” 

“Yeah.” They fell silent. Eventually, Lily said, “We should get to bed.” 

They stumbled to their feet and upstairs to their bedroom, too tired to even bother with brushing their teeth. They just fell into bed, curled up together exhausted and happy.

“Happy New Year, Lily,” James whispered into the darkness.

“Happy New Year,” she whispered back, and kissed him sweetly. She snuggled closer, laying her head on his chest, and the two fell instantly asleep to the distant sound of leftover fireworks. 

[iamapuffhuffle]

Lists of characters that are just yum!

List of characters who I would like to write about in the future ~ maybe. Plus this is a list of who I love <3

-I didn’t add anime/cartoon characters cuz that’s going to be a different post. This list is long anyways.

Yautja (Predator) (yeah an alien)

Just looks at that beast (clearly doms XD) They are just really cool~~!!!!

~Hated The Predator(2018) I did like the Fugitive predator though, he was dope, but the upgraded predator was not needed. He does not look yum yum XD

Black Noir (The boys) 

Not doing the comic book one...fucking never... only tv show one. Tv show one is uwu! Look at his pose! Damn bee!

Quote~ He doesn’t say anything but he uses his body language and sometimes it comes off adorable.

Nathan Mitchell does a great job even without speaking <3

Mando (The Mandalorian) 

aka Din Djarin Just wow! ;) Great father to Grogu! Just ahh! Love him!

Quote~ “You ready to lay low and stretch your legs for a couple of months, you little womp rat? “ ~UWU

 I just have a thing for masked figures I guess XD

Halfdan (Vikings)

Love Jasper man! Love Halfdan man...He just ahhhhh a yes for me

Quotes~  “Maybe she loves him. And, if she loves him, then he is somebody.” ~When he said this, it was so adorable idk, just pulled my heartstrings. 

“It may have escaped your attention but I am not married myself. You know why? I don’t understand women any more than you do.” ~Just made me adore Halfdan even more.  

Rollo (Vikings)

Great bod~~~~ Like really great bod XD Handsome man...very handsome man lol

-I didn’t like Rollo in earlier seasons, love his relationship with Gisla though.

Alfie Solomons (Peaky Blinders)

Fellow dog lover, damn and damn, his rough voice just hits me a way. Tom Hardy is just so good in this role!!!!!!!!

Quote~ "I once carried out my own personal form of stigmata on an Italian. I pushed his face up against a trench and shoved a six-inch nail up his fucking nose and I hammered it home with a duckboard. It was fucking biblical, mate." ~Every line that comes out of Alfie’s mouth is freaking great. He takes every scene he is in!!!

Finan (The Last Kingdom)

Just look at him! Finan in this sleeveless shirt! Also, I just feel like his hair is really soft. Also his accent ! I’m in love with Irish accents! Finan is a quick to the witts characters, Which makes him a lot more likely and more adorable.

Quote~  "Hey big man. We're guilty of being hungry and tired, my friend. That is all."

Kandomere (Bright)

Yes sir~~~~!!!!! I hoping for a second movie and see more of Kandomere cuz he wasn’t in the movie enough. Really only watched the movie for him shhhhh~

~I want to know about the universe that they are living in, it’s really interesting, and they talked about it slightly in the movie. 

Billy Hargrove (Stranger Things)

I don’t like the smell of smoke so... but he’s still hot. 

Hopefully next season we learn what happened with Max and Billy, but mostly he was a d-bag because of his father, that’s why usually probably stem from, ANYWAYS ----- he has some great hair just like Steve. 

Spencer Reid (Criminal Minds) 

I’m a nerd and he’s a nerd... Reid is just a tall adorable nerd and I love him!

~He has some ups and downs like any other person, which I like about his characters. He is insanely smart. He’s also socially awkward. Which I relate a lot. Love when he switches up his hair styles they are always so adorable. 

----------Okie dokie.....I’m done with this. I have more list ideas which I’m gonna post when I get some writers block when writing fics. 

[tcheschirewrites]

Happy New Year!

Part of me wanted to do a Year In Review post, like I’ve seen a few other creators do, but instead of talking about myself (which I do for the entire rest of the year anyway lmao), I’m gonna do a reclist instead, of the best fics I’ve read this year. A lot of it is BNHA, because that’s been my main fandom for 2020, but I did spend a decent amount of time in other spaces. If you see a **, that means there’s boning at some point – if the fic is in bold, then there’s a lot of boning. I @ed their Tumblr if I knew it off the top of my head, but I may have missed some.

BNHA

Don't Yuck Her Yum by rumblefish ( @rumbllefish) (League of Villains Gen)

Complete – A quick disclaimer, pia is a mutual and a friend. That being said, this is such a cute little snapshot into the LOV with everyone’s favorite Found Family trope. Now, I’ll admit to being additionally biased because pia gave me that sweet sweet Dadpress food, but her Spinner is also on point. Short and sweet.

the Issue of the Jeanist Corpse (the Jorpse) by Princeliest (Hawks & Jeanist Gen)

Complete – Witty and hilarious, a deleted scene when Hawks went to visit Best Jeanist before War Arc. I love how antsy Hawks is, and how fussy Jeanist. Also, I’m a sucker for putting a j at the beginning of everything for Jeaninst.

Queer Eye: We're In Japan! And There Are Pro Heroes Everywhere!! by night_of_the_living_trashcan (Background Erasermic Family)

Complete – I love a good Queer Eye fic, and this one is so spot on. The Fab Five couldn’t get a better candidate than Aizawa (well, almost; see below). And I’m a sucker for Erasermic family.

 **Yesterday's Gods by Karzai (All Might/Reader)

WIP - Reader character is an ex-military doctor who comes to work at UA. If you’re a fan of very well-developed backstories, and reader characters that are their own people, then this is the fic for you. This fic gives me huge Newsroom vibes - we’ve got a past romance, and the tension after years apart. We get present day when they are older and more jaded, and we get the backstory of the reader character and All Might when they were young and spry.

**surrender (whenever you're ready) by OfMermaids ( @ofmermaidstories) (Bakugou/Reader)

WIP - Bakugou accidentally destroys a florist’s shop. Bar none the best Bakugou fic out there - his characterization is so on point. He is grouchy but so vulnerable, he’s coarse and soft and insecure and such a perfectionist. The relationship with the reader character develops very naturally, and the chapters are long. Bonus, we get some bangin’ Kiri as well.

 **if i could keep cool by andypantsx3 ( @andypantsx3) (Todoroki/Reader)

Complete – I’m in love with the premise of the fic: a hired cleaner gets kidnapped due to a misunderstanding of the romantic variety. Andie’s Todo is well written, and the pacing of the story is nice and tight. An easy read.

 **Subject: RAPTOR by Tainted_Wine ( @tainted-wine)(Hawks/Reader)

Complete – The villains have turned Hawks into a Nomu, and reader works collecting semen for the facility for breeding purposes. Bigtime monster-fucking, but it’s very poignant and well-done. Very long, but well worth the time.

 **My Hero by HeroAssociation(Aizawa/Reader)

WIP – Reader character is a milf whose son enters a contest to meet his favorite hero and wins. The author’s Aizawa is really good, and the scenes with the reader’s son are very realistic for maternal love. And, I cannot emphasize this enough, reader character is a milf. It’s incomplete, and hasn’t updated in a while, but the premise is so cute I can’t not include it.

 suffer the signs by advantagetexas(Aizawa/Reader)

Complete – Baby’s first hanahaki. Honestly a very cute little hanahaki – no angst or sads, just two idiots in love. A nice quick read.

 But they're soft... by coffee_dessert (Aizawa/Reader)   

Complete – Aizawa gets turned into a cat by a villain’s quirk, and the reader character takes care of him until it wears off. I’ve heard this premise is popular? But I haven’t seen too too many, and this one is very well executed. Aizawa’s characterization is solid, and the pacing is very good. A very sweet read.

**no grave to hold my body down by Hawnks (supermintfluff) ( @hawnks)(Shinsou/Reader)

Complete – Pro Hero Shinsou saves the reader character, and they keep running into each other. This one is a good character study on adult Shinsou, and Hawnks’ writing is always very clean and lovely. I recommend going through their entire selection.

Love Like You by Queen_Kai (Shinsou/Reader)

Complete – Color Soulmate AU with a villain reader. Very cute, and I adore Shinsou’s characterization in this one. I honestly wish there was more, but it stands on its own very well.

Naruto

**Maid with Benefits by awolangel��(Akatsuki/Reader)

WIP – Reader is hired to be a live-in maid to the Akatsuki, and also have lots of sex. This fic is hilarious, and so well characterized. The pacing is actually really good, as well as the development of all of the relationships. There are some characters that get more attention than others, but we do get a nice spread. Very fun escapism fic.

Moonshine by Victopteryx ( @ancharan) (HashiMada)

Complete – Prohibition Era Bootlegging AU. Author’s handle on both Madara and Hashirama is incredible (and they draw their own fanart, and it’s also incredible). A whole-ass meal.

Tobirama Kicks Some Sense Into Konoha by allseer15 (Tobirama&Naruto Gen) 

Complete – Tobirama gets sent back in time due to an accidental jutsu, and is horrified at the way Konoha is run, and promptly Rampages over it. Wonderful catharsis for anyone who wondered why it was okay for a rich-ass old man to just leave an infant a welfare check and a shitty apartment and dip out on his development even though he has the equivalent of a nuclear warhead in his upper intestine.

Misc

**Clouds by moriamithril (Star Wars Rogue One, Cassian Andor/Reader)

Complete – Reader character is a handler/assistant type figure to Cassian over a series of missions. We get a lot of emotions in this one – we get the tenderness of caring for someone who is ill, we get devotion, we get yearning, we get delicious jealousy. Well written and lovely.

Fresh Coat by scrapmetal (The Mandalorian, Boba & Din Gen)

Complete – Fantastic Boba and Din, the Mando culture representation we deserve. I’m love.

**A Far Greater Sin (Reader version) by Yavannie (The Mandalorian, Din Djarin/Reader)

Complete – Reader is a healer, and builds a relationship with Mando over the course of a couple decades. Great pacing, great RC development, and the author’s Mando is quite good. The premise/setting gives me wicked fantasy vibes, even though it’s obviously In Space, but that’s definitely a draw.

who's gonna save us now (when the ashes hit the ground) by chancellor_valdez (Ready or Not, Grace/Daniel)

Complete – My favorite of the “Grace and Daniel Survive Together” subgenere, this one is very raw with its emotions. There’s a lot of hurt, and there’s a lot of self-harming coping mechanisms. Recovery is ugly, and the author did a very good job showing us that. And their ending was lovely.

not your garden variety demon lord by rizahawkaye (Inuyasha, SanSessh)

Complete – Sango takes care of Rin sometimes, and gets confused when Sesshoumaru brings her gifts. The author’s Sessh is so good, and it’s a great exploration of a relationship we don’t see much of.

Mine Enemy by Ayrith (Inuyasha, InuSan)

Complete – I love this fic, okay. Fantastic character study in Sango and a lot of the rougher parts of her that canon shied away from, and the author’s Inuyasha characterization is fucking great. Just go read this, yes.

Frozen Plus One by Meowzy (Frozen, HansAnna)

WIP – Troll AU, ie the trolls cursed Hans and that’s why he is That Way. Look, this author has done such a good job with all of the characters. Their voices are very distinct, and it’s not a reach at all to see how it could have gone differently. And we get some sweet HansAnnaKris action, and it is just as we deserve. Honestly, this fic is so well written, it deserves the world.

Knives In by anomalation (Knives Out, Marta/Ransom)

Complete – My favorite of the Pen Pals subgenre, this one is a fantastic slow burn. Ransom is really forced to face himself, and Marta is such a babe. Meg makes a few appearances, and her confusion over her place in the world is really well done. A great enemies-to-lovers.

It's Not Anxiety, It's a Parasite by squadrickchestopher (Venom, Queer Eye)

Complete – Look, I’ve mentioned before, but I love a good Queer Eye fic. Eddie gets what he deserves, and the symbiote couldn’t be more happy. So funny and clever.

You Find Yourself in a Maze by FloaromaMeadow ( @zombiekaiba) (S0 Atem Gen)

Complete – Very short and very poignant, the style is modeled after text-based command games. It fits super well with the Season 0 aesthetic, and there’s so much punch in each command.   

Gaud's Grinch x Tony Fix-it Fic by gaudy_writes ( @biggest-gaudiest-patronuses)

WIP – Look, I know, all right. Just read it.

[artificialqueens]

Not Nineteen Forever (14) (Branjie/Scyvie/Ninex)- Ortega

a/n: hey hey hey! welcome to chapter 14 of n19f and thank u all so much for the love (and tears) over chapter 13. i’m sorry for breaking all ur hearts! hold tight to see where things go from here. the only way is up, right? as always plsssssssss send love and ur fav moments to my blog or to AQ! my fav food is delicious validation yum xoxo

please note: this fic contains young adults often behaving in irresponsible/unadvisable ways with regards to alcohol, drugs and sex. if you are someone who feels as if they could be heavily influenced by fic and incorporate what happens in the plot into ur own life, pls steer clear!

summary: Brooke, Yvie and Nina are three flatmates who forged a friendship in their first year of university and picked up some other waifs and strays along the way. Now in their final year, there are feelings that need to be unravelled and confessions to be made whilst navigating drunk nights, hungover mornings, takeaways, group chats, library meetups, cafe gossiping, and the small matter of getting a degree.

last chapter: Brooke decided that she couldn’t give Vanessa what she was looking for, and headed to her flat to have an important conversation.

this chapter: the girls deal with the aftermath, Monet and her flatmates provide a distraction, and Scarlet has a revelation.

***

Scarlet looked at the door to the lecture theatre once, twice, three times, the biting of her nails an awkward accompaniment to her worrying. The clock seemed to tick in time with her heart, although she supposed it wouldn’t compare a bit to how Vanjie would be feeling.

Sighing deeply and drawing a little star on the edge of her notebook, Scarlet reflected on the events of the past few days. She and Yvie had been sitting watching some dumb Netflix show and procrastinating and had been contemplating what to have for dinner when a message came through on the old Branjie Sweepstake chat from Silky, Scarlet unable to believe it was her from the way she was typing.

Silky: Hey ladies so some of you prolly already know but Brooke ended shit with Vanjie earlier today. She’s pretty cut up about it understandably so just making you all aware so that none of you put your foot in it. Also just keep things on the chat as normal although V will prolly not be out at any nights out any time soon xxxxx

“Holy shit, Yves,” Scarlet had gasped, looking at her girlfriend who was also staring at her phone in shock.

“Well, fuck. She did it,” Yvie blinked at her phone, sighing heavily. There was a small pause of guilty silence, as if the pair of them were contemplating the knowledge they had withheld from Vanessa. Yvie gave a curt shrug. “Guess we can kiss goodbye to ending uni on a high, then.”

“Oh, Yvie, don’t be so selfish! We’ll all be fine, Silk’s trying to keep things as normal as she can for V’s sake!” Scarlet rolled her eyes at Yvie, her girlfriend ever the pessimist.

“Yeah, but you can’t deny things are gonna be a little bit awkward, babe. I’m not here for all that shit, we’re meant to be fully-functioning adults in, like, five months’ time. Not babies with drama issues.”

“The only baby with drama issues in our friendship group is me,” Scarlet raised an eyebrow, Yvie laughing and pulling her close. “We’ll all still be friends, Jesus. I’m just worried about V. God, I’m a shit friend, aren’t I? I knew this was coming and I sat by and let her think everything was fine-”

“You are not a shit friend,” Yvie insisted, squeezing Scarlet’s side so hard she felt her ribs might break. “I did the exact same. Besides, Vanessa’s an idiot if she didn’t see it coming. You can always tell when people are being off with you.”

“Hey, that’s unfair. You can tell that, but whether you choose to admit it to yourself or not is a different story,” Scarlet added thoughtfully. “Like if you started giving vibes that you wanted to break up with me. I feel like I would just lie to myself about it because I’d so desperately want it not to be true.”

“Aww, baby,” Yvie smiled, kissing the top of her head. “You’re adorable. You’re also dumped, by the way. Ha ha ha, dipshit. I broke up with you and you didn’t even know I was going to.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Scarlet thumped her girlfriend with a pillow.

After that, the pair of them had gone to Yvie’s living room in search of Nina, where they got two for the price of one- Nina and Brooke, sitting on the sofa, Nina talking gently to Brooke and the other girl staring so hard at the wall Scarlet was convinced she was going to rip a hole in the space-time continuum. They’d both sat down and spoken about the entire situation, but not in too much depth- Brooke explaining that her feelings towards Vanessa had changed, and she wasn’t sure she was what she wanted anymore.

“Wait, you weren’t sure? Do you not have to be pretty sure about something like that before you break up with someone?” Yvie had asked, her eyes narrowing. Nina had cast Yvie a glare and Brooke had tilted her head back to stare at the ceiling.

“I’m not really sure about any area of my life, Yves, so why should this be any different?”

Scarlet was jolted out of her daydream by the door to the lecture theatre swinging open, her heart rate rising only to find it plummeting again when two random girls from the course came through. A shot of adrenaline gripped Scarlet, however, when a girl traipsed in behind them that at first she didn’t recognise. Then swallowing a small bubble of horror as she approached Scarlet’s bench, she realised that the girl was Vanjie. Her dark hair hung like a witch’s over her face- matted and tangled with the frizz a telltale sign of Vanessa having slept in it and not bothered to brush it either. Her face was a pale, makeup-less mask with a decidedly grim, almost mournful expression. The outfit she was wearing was shapeless, a far cry from the ever-fashionable girl Scarlet knew she was, and the black joggers and huge navy jumper Vanessa had on could well have been the outfit she’d slept in. As Vanessa slid in beside Scarlet, she barely gave her eye contact.

“Hey babe,” Scarlet greeted her supportively, the other girl still not looking at her as she took her notebook out of her bag. “How’re you holding up?”

Vanessa gave a completely mirthless laugh as she scrambled at the bottom of her bag for a pen. “Aha. Not great, to be honest.”

Scarlet was hit by a wave of emotion. She reached out and squeezed Vanjie’s free hand. “Oh, Vanj, I’m so sorry.”

“Please-” Vanessa said, her voice choked and warped, two tears hitting the blank pad in front of her. “Please don’t be nice to me, it’s gonna set me off again.”

Scarlet could’ve cried herself at the state Vanjie was in. She watched their lecturer enter the hall and begin setting up. “Babe, we don’t have to stay here if you’re like this.”

Vanessa straightened herself up, tilted her head towards the sky and wiped two fingers under her lashes. “No, bitch. It’s been four days, I said I was coming to uni today and that’s what the fuck I’m going to do. The bitch might have broken my heart but I’ll be fucked if she’s taking a 2:1 from me either.”

Scarlet’s heart hurt a little hearing Vanessa talk about Brooke that way, but then reason kicked in and she supposed Vanessa wasn’t going to be down to shower Brooke with platitudes for the time being. She watched as Vanjie tilted her head back down, gravity doing little to stop more tears from rolling down her face. She gave a sniff and, in lieu of a tissue, wiped her nose on the sleeve of her jumper. Then, she used the other sleeve to mop up her tears.

“Stupid fucking cryin’, goddamnit,” Vanessa muttered angrily, growing frustrated with herself. Scarlet hurriedly reached into her own bag and brought out a small packet of tissues, wordlessly handing one to Vanjie. With gratitude, she blew her nose on it, the sudden noise causing a girl in the row in front of them both to turn around, her gaze lingering just a second too long on the crying Vanessa.

“What the fuck are you looking at, hoe? You want your face rearranged? You could fuckin’ do with it,” Vanessa snapped angrily, the girl quickly turning back around. Scarlet had had enough. In one movement she swept all of her and Vanjie’s things into her cavernous Hermes bag and shoved at her gently.

“C’mon. We can get the lecture notes later. You need a coffee and a talk,” she insisted, clamping a hand over Vanjie’s mouth as she opened it to protest. Scarlet rotated Vanessa’s shoulders towards the direction of the door and practically frog-marched her down the stairs and out of the door seconds before the lecture began.

“I need a fuckin’ wine and a talk,” Vanessa quipped, before the floodgates suddenly opened and the girl’s face crumbled like a ruin. Scarlet immediately crushed her in a hug. She rubbed her friend’s back and sushed her quietly as Vanessa’s chest heaved with sobs, her crying eerily quiet as if she had nothing left to give. Scarlet felt a wave of guilt crash against her, the thought of what she’d known and kept from Vanessa perhaps having been able to help the situation in some way being almost too much to handle. Just as she was about to let it out and confess it all to Vanessa she felt the girl take a huge deep breath and pull out of the hug. Her face was blotchy with red tear marks, but a small, albeit unhappy smile was plastered across her face.

“Sorry. It’s out now, no more cryin’. I promise,” Vanessa sighed, looking to the floor sheepishly.

“You don’t have to be sorry. Come on,” Scarlet slipped her arm through Vanessa’s, holding the girl up as if she was about to fall down. “Let’s go to the union. Then I can get a coffee and you can get a wine.“

They walked in somber silence, Scarlet giving Vanessa’s arm a supportive squeeze every now and then. She wondered what it would be like to feel how Vanessa was feeling in this moment. Like utter shit, obviously, Scarlet thought as she had to stop Vanessa from stepping into the path of a cyclist, so wrapped up was she in her own world. Somehow they reached the pub in the union without Vanessa suffering any fatal accidents. As Scarlet looked around and noted how quiet the place was, she felt relieved. At least they wouldn’t have any awkward run-ins with anyone they didn’t want to.    

"I’m not even that in my feelings about it. Or no- I didn’t expect to be as in my feelings as I am,” Vanessa began, sitting down at a small table for two and shrinking into herself on the chair. “Like, we weren’t nothin’ serious or anything. So she technically didn’t even break up with me.”

“Yeah, but you still had a connection. That’s still shit to break off with someone,” Scarlet offered, shrugging her jacket off before she could give Vanjie her full attention.

“I know, but…ugh, I’m annoyed at myself, really. Like I shouldn’t have got so attached…but I thought maybe she…maybe we’d…whatever, I’m not makin’ sense,” Vanjie continued, shaking her head and running her hands through her hair to punctuate the end of her sentence.

“No, you are making sense! You’re totally valid. Of course you’re going to get your hopes up if you’re seeing someone that often and sleeping with someone that often,” Scarlet nodded, hoping she was reassuring her friend. There was a small silence where Scarlet wondered whether or not she should ask what she wanted to ask. “‘Ness, how did Brooke actually-”

“Dump me?” Vanessa gave another humourless laugh and shrugged, pulling the sleeves of her jumper over her hands. “In the nicest possible way, obviously. Fuckin’ bitch, can’t even give me anythin’ to be mad at her for. She came to my flat. Sat me down and was just like…yeah, this isn’t working. I feel like we want different things, and I can’t give you what you want right now. Did the whole you’re an amazing person schtick but by then I’d stopped listenin’ cuz ya girl was tryna focus on not cryin’ in front of her. Succeeded, though. Until the second after she left, obviously.”

“Fuck, Vanessa, I’m so, so sorry,” Scarlet sighed, guilt consuming her.

“No, bitch, don’t be. It wasn’t your fault-”

“But, fuck, it might have been,” Scarlet began, Vanessa’s face growing alert and curious. She sighed, wondering if she’d regret her decision. “At Monet’s party…Yvie told me that Brooke had said to her she was having second thoughts about the pair of you.”

Vanessa narrowed her eyes slightly. Scarlet held her breath. She could see the cogs turning in her head. “But that was weeks ago.”

Scarlet clenched her stomach muscles. “Yes.”

Vanessa’s face grew into a snarl, and she gave a bark of a laugh. “Oh fuckin’ Jesus, it gets better. So not only has she sat on this for about a month, but she’s also told the whole friendship group about it. Fuck, Scarlet, do you not think I would’ve wanted to know somethin’ like that?”

“I know, I know, fuck, I’m sorry. I didn’t want to know! I didn’t even want to get involved, but Yvie told me and then I just had the information in my head and I didn’t know whether I should tell you or mind my own business, and I’d promised Yvie-”

“Oh, you promised Yvie, that’s alright then. Fuck your friend ‘cuz you made a promise to your precious lil’ girlfriend, that’s fine. Good to know how much I mean to you, Scarlet,” Vanessa spat out bitterly.

Scarlet’s stomach was now tighter than she’d ever felt it in her life. She thought back to what Yvie had said, about the friendship group and about how it would all start falling apart. She thought about if she’d told Vanjie sooner, if her and Brooke could have talked it all out and stayed together. Unexpected tears started welling in Scarlet’s eyes. Trying to calm herself she took a long, deep breath through her nose, which turned into a sniff. The noise made Vanjie look up from staring down at the floor, and her hard expression softened into one of regret.

“Fuck, Scar, I’m sorry. Shit. Please don’t cry,” Vanessa murmured, reaching across the table and squeezing her hand. “It’s not your fault. Okay I’m mad at you, but even if you’d told me what the fuck good would it’ve done?”  

As Scarlet wiped at her eyes with her free hand, Vanessa gave a heavy sigh. “She still wouldn’t have wanted me.”

Scarlet drew her last tissue from her pocket and wiped her nose with it. “But I should’ve told you. Maybe you’d have been less attached three weeks ago-”

“Scarlet, three weeks ago I liked her just as much then as I do now. It was never a gradual increase with that bitch. Liked her just as much the day we met as I did the day she broke up with me,” Vanessa said the last portion of her sentence quietly, breaking Scarlet’s heart in the process. She gave a world-weary shrug as she spoke again. “S’just hard trying to un-like her. Well, in that way, anyway.”

“Do you think you can even be friends with her again?” Scarlet wondered, biting the side of her finger as she worried about the answer.

“I mean, yeah, I guess. I just kinda need my space from her just now, you know? Which is hard, ‘cuz…obviously we’ve all got the same friends and I don’t want to have to hide away from them just to make things less awkward,” Vanessa frowned, Scarlet nodding sympathetically.

“Well, you’ve always got me.”

Vanessa gave the tiniest genuine smile which made Scarlet want to squeal with joy. “I appreciate you, boo.”

There was a small silence in which Vanessa seemed deep in thought. Finally, she spoke. “Did Brooke say anything to Yvie about it?”

Scarlet wondered if she should tell Vanessa about the “wasn’t sure” comment. She decided that the last thing Vanessa needed right now was any potential false hope. Instead, she sighed. “She hasn’t been very talkative about the whole situation. Just basically told her the same as she told you.”

Vanessa put her palms against her eyes and rubbed harshly. “Well. That’s that then.”

Just then, Scarlet heard a small scream of delight. Looking up and over Vanjie’s shoulder, she spotted Monet with two of her flatmates heading towards them. Monique, the girl whose hair was previously lilac, now had a mane of huge pink chopstick curls, and Cracker’s blonde hair was loose over her shoulders. Anxiously looking to Vanessa, she wondered if this was the right time for more people joining them. Before she could make a decision, Monet had reached them and was leaning over Scarlet making to hug her.

“Oh my God, hey! Fancy seeing you both here,” she smiled, giving Scarlet a hug and moving to hug Vanessa. “V, how are you, baby? Nina told me. Oh, not in a bad way, just…so I knew.”

Monet held the hug with Vanessa longer than she had with Scarlet, the other girl smiling gratefully as she pulled away. “I’m alright, bitch. Not great but not the worst I’ve been.”

Scarlet watched as Monet’s flatmates hovered awkwardly. She gave them both a smile. “Hey! Cracker and Monique, right? We met at the flat party. You’re welcome to grab a couple seats! We were going to get drinks, but we got sidetracked chatting.”

Cracker gave a smile of gratitude and pulled over two chairs for her and Monique, then a third chair for Monet.

“Hey,” Vanessa greeted the pair of them, looking down at her outfit awkwardly. “Well shit, this is embarrassin’. I look like a bag of trash.”

“A cute bag of trash,” Monique replied casually, Vanessa blinking a little in response, taken aback by the compliment. Moving on as if she hadn’t said anything, Monique gave a curious gaze at Monet and Vanessa. “So wait, what happened?”

Monet gave an awkward grimace, but Vanessa filled in the silence for her. “I got broken up with the other day.”

Monique’s face dropped in shock. “That girl broke up with you? Girl, that’s a fuckin’ gag, what? You’re so stunning! An’ she’s like…a slice of white bread.”

Vanessa let out the first genuine laugh Scarlet had heard her emit that day. “Bitch, no, stop it. She’s beautiful too. She just didn’t want a girlfriend. People want different things.”

“Yeah, that’s true. My ex wanted somethin’ different too. Apparently that somethin’ different was Naomi with a model body an’ an onlyfans account. Stupid fuckin’ man, thinkin’ I wasn’t gonna find that shit out,” Monique reeled off, Scarlet barely able to keep up with the pace she was talking at. “But anyway, that was, like, six months ago now. Anyway the point I’m makin’ is that it didn’t take me long to feel better, baby, so don’t worry.”

“The ten rebounds probably helped,” Cracker quipped from beside her, Monique shoving her as Scarlet, Monet and Vanessa all let out a laugh.

“Seven, actually! Come correct, whore. Anyway, we can’t all be as loved up as Miss Monet over there,” Monique raised her eyebrows, Monet rolling her eyes in response. Cracker excitedly turned to Scarlet.

“Oh my God, do you guys know what she’s doing?”

“Cracker,” Monet warned, her voice tinged with caution. Scarlet was interested.

“What’s she doing?” she asked, Monique’s face lighting up excitedly. Monet waved a dismissive hand.

“Guys, this is notthe time or the place to be talking about sappy, cheesy, Valentine’s Day bullshit,” Monet said exasperatedly, with a glance Vanessa’s way. The girl in question was leaning forward with interest, resting her elbows on the small table in front of her.

“Well yeah, Valentine’s Day can suck a dick, but if this is stuff about you and Nina then I’m listenin’,” Vanessa smiled calmly, Monet going slightly red at the thought of having to explain.

“It’s really no big deal-”

“Oh my God, it IS,” Cracker jumped in, hitting Monique excitedly.

“Will you two fuckin’ chipmunks go and find Alvin and stop molesting us! It ain’t anything big, I’m just…maybe…gonna ask Neens if she wants to be my girlfriend.”

Scarlet’s mouth dropped open, unable to contain her excitement. She gave a little squeal and clapped her hands. “On Valentine’s Day?”

“On Valentine’s Day! With a treasure hunt!” Monique continued, gushing with excitement. Monet rolled her eyes.

“Oh my God, bitch, can you date me instead?!” Vanessa chimed in, her mouth wide open in shock. “A treasure hunt?”

“It’s honestly no big deal!”

“It IS a big deal, fuck off Monet!” Cracker snapped, clearly fed up with her flatmate downplaying the situation. “So she’s getting all these pictures of Wills…Will Schuester from Glee, Will from The Inbetweeners, Will Young…then she’s getting loads of umbrellas and putting them in a pile- ‘cause obviously they all start with a 'U’,”

“- then -” Monique cut in.

“Why do I feel like I’m no longer in charge of anything in my life?” Monet interrupted dryly.

“- then she’s getting loads of bee-themed things, like honey, yellow stuff, Burt’s Bees lip balm-”

“They know what fucking bees entails, Monique!” Monet exclaimed, Vanessa snorting and Scarlet suddenly so glad of these three girls for the distraction they were providing from her friend’s shitty situation.

“- then she’s putting loads of stuff in a pile that belong to her, so obviously if I was Monet, it would all be ‘MY’ stuff,” Monique continued, ignoring her embarrassed flatmate’s interruptions.

“What’re you doing for ‘girlfriend’?” Scarlet asked excitedly, on complete tenterhooks. Monet opened her mouth to speak, but Cracker got there first.

“She’s made a playlist. A playlist,” she repeated, full of glee. “Of songs with the title ‘girlfriend’. Which there are surprisingly many of.”

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ. Monet, I hate you. It’s amazing. She’s gonna love it,” Vanessa smiled, seemingly genuinely enthused about her plan. Monet was now incredibly flushed in the face.

“I mean, she might misinterpret the whole thing. She might go ‘Will umbrella yellow objects songs’ or some shit.”

“Which knowing Nina, she probably will,” Scarlet offered, eliciting a laugh from Monet. “But it’s cute. ‘Ness is right, she will love it.”

“Thanks, girls. But no telling her, okay? Shit, I’m already so fuckin’ nervous and it’s still ages away,” Monet wiped her (presumably sweaty) hands on her jeans.

“Are you two doing anythin’ cute and vomit-inducin’ for Valentine’s Day?” Vanessa asked Cracker and Monique. The pink-haired girl tilted her head and gave a little smile.

"Damn, you tryna ask me somethin’? You move on fast,” she winked, Vanessa covering her cheeks with her sleeves.

“Shut up, bitch! You got some amount of nerve, tell you that,” she rolled her eyes, trying to look annoyed. Scarlet could tell she was secretly flattered.

“Well, I’m just going on a date with a girl I’m seeing. We’re trying to downplay it, but I’m highkey freaking out,” Cracker smiled bashfully, Monet sticking her tongue out at her.

“Kaaaameron,” she mocked, batting her eyelids. Cracker swatted at her.

“At least I have a date, bitch! What’re you doing, sitting on Tinder all night offering your services to every person you swipe?"

"Ouch,” Monet half-gasped, half-laughed. Unfazed, Monique shrugged.

“Hmm, prolly. Well, unless something comes up out of nowhere,” she said nonchalantly, checking her nails. Scarlet cast a quick gaze between her and Vanessa. Cracker snapped her out of her rapidly snowballing thoughts.

“What about you and your girlfriend, Scarlet? You doing anything nice?”

“We’ve booked a nice restaurant. It’s a horrifically overpriced set menu, but neither of us have ever really spent Valentine’s with anyone before, so we don’t really mind paying for the experience,” Scarlet smiled, feeling herself grow excited at the thought of getting to sit at a fancy table with candles and prosecco and seafood and chocolate desserts and just celebrate the fact that the pair of them were in love-

Well fuck. Scarlet hadn’t seen that coming. Cracker was replying to her, but she couldn’t hear her. Scarlet was only consumed by the one thought in her mind. She was in love with Yvie. Really properly in love with her. Of course she was, it was so fucking obvious! Why hadn’t she realised it before? Scarlet wanted nothing more than to find her girlfriend and tell her, but with a pang she remembered the hurt Vanessa sitting in front of her and knew where she was needed the most. Although she didn’t seem too hurt at the moment. Monique was telling a story and the heartbroken girl was leaning in, listening intently, her eyes sparkling.

“Hey, were we not getting a drink? My mouth’s drier than Ghandi’s flip-flop here,” Monet said suddenly, cutting Monique off mid-story. She rolled her eyes and took her purse out of her bag, promising to buy everyone’s round.

“Uh, leave me out actually. I think I’d better head off,” Scarlet excused herself, the thought of having to tell Yvie that she was in love with her becoming her number one priority. Feeling guilty, she looked to her friend. “If that’s alright, Vanj?”

“Yeah, boo, don’t worry about it! I’m actually havin’ fun for the first time in days,” Vanessa smiled up at her, casting a gaze to Monet who smiled back.

“Yeah, we’re way better than your other friends,” she said, sticking her tongue out at Scarlet who did the same back.

“We’ll look after her, Scarlet, don’t worry,” Monique smiled, taking Vanessa’s hand and giving it a little squeeze, then letting go again almost as if the interaction had never happened. The only evidence to suggest otherwise was a small blush on Vanjie’s face. Scarlet was intrigued by that whole dynamic. On one hand, she wondered if harmless flirting with Monet’s friend might do Vanessa the world of good, especially if Monique kept showering Vanjie with compliments the way she was doing. On the other, she wondered if Vanessa was altogether ready for a potential rebound. Not allowing herself time to think it over too much, Scarlet said her goodbyes, blew a kiss in Vanjie’s direction, and headed out of the pub and down the stairs of the multi-floored union, immediately messaging Yvie.

S: Are you on campus???

A reply came back within seconds.

Y: yeah my lecture just ended babe! Want to meet?

S: I’ll come to you

Scarlet raced to Yvie’s building, the crowds bustling about in the square that separated the union and the lecture buildings blurring into the background as Scarlet half-walked half-ran to get to where she knew Yvie would be. At that moment she saw her- dressed in her ripped blue jeans and her enormous black puffa jacket, her hair swept up into two wild, untameable space buns. As soon as Yvie saw her her entire face lit up in a smile and if Scarlet had been in any way unsure of how she felt before that, she knew without a shadow of a doubt now.

“Hey, baby! How are you?” Yvie greeted, going for a hug. Scarlet instead took both of Yvie’s hands in hers, gripping them tightly. Yvie’s face was instantly awash with shock.

“I need to tell you something important,” Scarlet insisted, pausing for a moment before she could say it. Yvie blinked at her, confused.

“Right, so…you’re pregnant?” Yvie deadpanned, her face still concerned. Scarlet was unable to help herself letting out a laugh. She shifted her weight from one foot to the other.

“Yvie, I’m in love with you. I’m so fucking in love with you, and I don’t know how I didn’t realise it until now. I’m ready, and I’m saying it, and I mean it. And I really hope that-”

Scarlet was shut up by Yvie pulling her close and kissing her gently in one swift movement. In that moment, it seemed as if it was their first kiss all over again, but so much better- the two girls fit together like pieces of a jigsaw, the way Yvie kissed and tasted so comfortingly familiar to Scarlet now as if she’d known Yvie’s lips her whole life. When they pulled away, Yvie instantly pulled Scarlet back in for a cuddle. With her head against Yvie’s chest, Scarlet could hear her heartbeat racing.

“Scarlet, fuck…I’ve been in love with you for so long. Since, like. The Christmas dinner.”

“Let’s never break up, okay? To go through what Vanjie’s going through, or to put you through that…ugh, it’s all so horrible,” Scarlet sighed heavily, tightening her grip around Yvie’s waist. Yvie gave a soft chuckle.

“So this is us, then, is it?” Scarlet could hear the smile in her voice, and she squeezed her eyes shut and willed this moment to stay as bright and clear in her mind as a memory as it felt right now living it.

“This is us, baby. You’re stuck with me.”

Yvie pulled away, and at once Scarlet could see the love painted on her face as she looked at her. “Well, I think being stuck with each other sounds pretty good to me.”

As they both walked away and Yvie held Scarlet’s hand in her own and spoke about what to have for lunch, Scarlet thought about how good she had it and how lucky she was.

She had to agree that being stuck with Yvie sounded pretty good to her too.

[kittykat-creations]

Captain Underpants and the Harrowing Hostile Horror of Homophobia

Well, here it is! My first ever Captain Underpants fic! I think I sort of mix the three different versions, but this is supposed to be in the Netflix series universe. They’re in 6th grade. My friend knew she was bi at like 11, so I figure it’s not too far off for George to know.

This is George Beard and Harold Hutchins. George is the one in the beanbag chair with the bi tie and flattop. Harold is the one on the floor with the rainbow t-shirt and bad haircut. Remember that now.

Harold doodled at his spot on the floor, pausing to nibble at the end of his pencil and frown slightly. George was similarly stuck, tapping his pencil against the clipboard and staring at the paper filled with deadend comic ideas.

“Have any ideas yet?” Harold asked. “Maybe it would be easier to design a monster if I knew what it should be.”

“No.” George groaned and leaned his head back, staring up at the ceiling. “None of these work.”

Harold blew a raspberry and rolled onto his back, looking around the tree house. His eyes landed on George’s tie, and then on his own rainbow shirt. He sat up, grinning. “What if we do a coming-out issue for Captain Underpants!”

“A coming-out issue?” George repeated as Harold plopped down beside him in the beanbag chair.

“Yeah! Like, maybe he comes out as pansexual or something. And he gets a cool flag cape!”

“Ooh, I like that.” George nodded and started writing. “But what would the monster be? Some weird old dude trying to stop him?”

“...what about like, some kind of laser zaps the Captain and makes a monster based on what makes him happy? And instead it tries to upset him. And like, he starts to feel guilty and stuff, but then he gets help from all his friends from previous comics! Like a big superhero meetup!”

“So the monster like, represents homophobia?” George asked.

“...yeah.” Harold shrugged and scratched his arm, glancing the other way. “Yeah, kind of. But then at the end they defeat it by like, punching it away.”

“That's good, I like that,” George laughed. He quickly started writing, queuing Harold to settle back into his spot on the floor. He tried to think: what would a monster based on homophobia look like? Really super ugly. He laughed to himself and started to draw.

Captain Underpants and the Harrowing Hostile Horror of Homophobia

So this one time, Captain Underpants was flying around around the city looking for lunch, like hotdogs or something because yum, hotdogs, and he was so hungry. But then he found this parade thing, and everyone was wearing a bunch of colors and they had capes too! And Captain Underpants thought “There's a superhero parade! I'm a superhero I should join!”

And so he flew down to the parade, and he was like “Hey superheros, sorry I'm late, no one told me there was a superhero parade!” But it turns out it WASN'T a superhero parade, it was a gay parade, where like a bunch of people get together and celebrate being gay because, pfft, hello, it's awesome.

So Captain Underpants was like “Oh that sounds like fun! But what's gay?” ‘Cause he like, didn't know. And they were like “It's when you're a boy and you like boys, like like-like.” And Captain Underpants liked that, because he like-liked boys sometimes! But he also like-liked girls, and people who were like not either of those ‘cause he just liked everyone. And someone said “That's pansexual dude!” and Captain Underpants was like “Woah cool!”

And someone gave him like, a pansexual cape and Captain Underpants was like “I'm gonna tell all my friends!” But suddenly when he was flying off, a big laser shocked him like “Bzz bz-shck!” It was these mean alien dudes who wanted to test their new laser on poor Captain Underpants! And when they flew off a big ugly storm starting forming, and it had a really ugly face like this!

And the storm was like “I'm gonna make sure you're never happy, liking boys is gross!”  And Captain Underpants didn't see why because everyone at the parade was so nice, so he started fighting the storm! But it kept repeating all the mean stuff, and Captain Underpants started thinking that it was right!

But then a bunch of superheros appeared to help- it was all Captain Underpants’ friends! “What are you guys doing here!” He asked. “Well we’re here to help you beat up this storm!” And they did! It was like “Wham!” and “Pow!” and the storm was all “Noooooo listen to meeeeee!” But no one was listening ‘cause they were too busy beating him up!

When the storm was all gone, all the superheros high-fived and celebrated. Captain Underpants even told them about the parade and being pansexual! And they all gave him a big hug and joined the parade with him because it was awesome, the end.

“New comic! Brand new Captain Underpants comic, hot off the press!”

Kids flocked around George and Harold as they passed out copies of the new comic before classes started. The two boys even went up to Melvin, who was sitting by himself at his desk like always.

“New issue of Captain Underpants, Melvin. Sure you don’t want one?” George grinned and held out a copy. Melvin raised an eyebrow and took it, skimming the pages.

“...You made a comic about internalized homophobia?”

“Inta-what?” Harold blinked.

“Internalized homophobia.” Melvin rolled his eyes and handed the comic back. “It's when you're mad at yourself for being gay?”

“Oh,” George said. “Nah, they're just fighting a cranky monster.”

Melvin shook his head and went back to his book. “Whatever. I don't want a copy, just like every other dumb comic.”

“Whatever man.” George took Harold's hand and lead him off to continue handing out comics.

“George and Harold to my office. Now!”

The boys sighed and left their classroom, walking down the hall to the office.

“What do you think we did this time?” Harold asked.

“I dunno man. We haven't done any pranks yet today.” George held his chin in thought.

“Maybe he found out about the plan for tomorrow?”

“Eh, it's probably just because we made another Captain Underpants.” George shrugged. “Mr. Krupp hates them.”

They entered the office. Harold bit his lip, almost nervous. What if they were in trouble for the contents of the new issue this time?

“George and Harold.” Mr. Krupp sat at his desk, looking at the two of them over his fingers. “I wanted to talk to you about this comic.” He slid the newest Captain Underpants forward on his desk. Yup, they knew it.

“Ok, we get it, no more comics blah blah blah,” George said. “Is that it, can we go?”

“No, you-!” Mr. Krupp sighed and rubbed his face, his expression softening just a bit. “Boys, is- is anyone giving you any trouble? About this comic?”

“What?” They blurted together.

“I mean is anyone… being mean, because of what it’s about?” Mr. Krupp looked really weird about actually showing concern. George and Harold looked at each other, confused. Was this a trap or something?

“Nnnnoo…? Everyone’s cool,” George answered.

“Yeah, everyone likes it,” Harold agreed. “You’re not… mad?”

“Of course I’m mad! You’re not allowed to make these!” Mr. Krupp snapped, waving the comic. “But-” He pinched his nose. “No, I’m not mad because it’s gay. Are either of you boys- are you dealing with anything like the monster in this?”

“You mean people being mean? Isn’t that what you just asked?” George looked confused.

“No, I mean- what the monster itself is based on. That’s not just- it’s not just based on other people being mean, is it?” It was very clear that Mr. Krupp was uncomfortable with the conversation, which confused the boys even more.

“Oh, you mean that intalized stuff Melvin was talking about?” George asked. “Nah, I don’t think so.” Harold bit his lip, rubbing his arm and looking away at the floor. George leaned forward on his chair and looked over at him. “...Harold?”

“I don’t know, I-I guess what Melvin said kinda… made sense.” Harold shrugged.

“Ah jeez.” Mr. Krupp sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Listen kid, uh- I don’t know why you feel… like this, like if someone was mean to you or you’re just… yeah. But, uh- there’s nothing wrong with it. Ok? People are gay, it happens.”

“Thanks… Mr. Krupp,” Harold responded, blinking in shock. Mr. Krupp was never nice to them.

“Yeah yeah. Just get back to class.” George and Harold hurried out of his office before he could change his mind. “And don’t let me catch you making any more of these comics!” He glared out the door before looking back at the comic and lightly touching a finger to the pansexual cape Captain Underpants was wearing.

He almost smiled.

“That sure was weird, huh?” Harold asked as they walked back to class. “Mr. Krupp is never nice to us!”

“Yeah, weird,” George agreed. “Are you sure you’re ok, buddy?”

“Yeah, I’m- I’m fine.” Harold smiled a bit. “It’s good, man. I guess I’ve just felt kinda weird since we went to the future.”

George smiled back. “It must be weird, huh? I had to figure it out myself, you knew before you even knew! It’s kinda crazy.”

“Our lives are crazy.” Harold laughed.

Meanwhile, all the way up in space…

Three aliens were fighting over a remote in their U.F.O. The language was foreign, but anyone could tell that they sounded like teenagers. One of the aliens held the remote away from the other two, and a laser below the ship moved around wildly with the remote.

Suddenly, the remote was smacked to the ground and the button was pressed. The laser shot down towards Earth, making the aliens pause. One of them quickly jumped into the driver's seat and flew them off.

Back on Earth, George and Harold were walking around the playground at recess. Everyone was sitting around, reading the newest Captain Underpants issue.

“You know, I think this might be one of my favorite issues yet,” George said, and smiled as he held out the original copy of the issue.

“Yeah! I'm gonna be honest, I didn't think everyone would like it this much-”

Suddenly, the laser from the alien spaceship zapped Harold and knocked him backward.

“Oh my gosh!” George panicked and kneeled down next to his best friend, shaking his shoulder. “Harold, are you ok?” The boy groaned, and suddenly a storm began forming from his head. George gasped and watched as the storm grew bigger and bigger, and a big ugly face appeared on it as it towered over the school. The kids all screamed (as you do) and ran around in a panic as the storm monster started attacking the school.

“Uh-oh!” George cried. “Harold, we have to get Captain Underpants-!”

George was cut off when he pulled on Harold’s arm, but the boy didn't move. Instead, he was sitting on the ground and staring up at the monster with a mix of fear and despair on his face.

“Harold?” George waved his hand in front of Harold's face, but no response. “Come on, man! What gives?!”

“Leave me alone,” Harold sobbed- sobbed- Harold never cried- and pushed George's arm away, burying his face in his arms. George’s frown deepened; something was definitely wrong.

George ran off, bursting into the school to find Mr. Krupp. Chunks of the building broke off into the storm (how the school could afford repairs once a week George never knew), and all the kids were screaming and hiding under desks. As George ran, he crashed into exactly what- or rather, who- he was looking for.

“You!” Mr. Krupp yelled. “I know you have something to do with this! What did you-?!”

“No time!” George cried, snapping his fingers. Instantly, the man stripped to his underwear and grabbed a piece of red fabric from the school display, tying it around his neck.

“Tra-la-laaaa!” Captain Underpants announced.

“Captain Underpants, there's a storm attacking the school, you gotta hurry!” George dragged the superhero outside.

“Oh my! That doesn't look very nice!” Captain Underpants said, looking up at the face of the storm. It growled with sharp teeth, breaking away more of the school. A few kids were pulled into it and spun around the outside before being spat back out.

“You gotta stop it!”

“Oh yeah!” Captain Underpants laughed and flew towards the storm. As he tried to fight it, George looked around desperately for Harold. He was exactly where he had left him, only now laying on his side and crying heavily.

“Harold! Harold, buddy!” George ran over, kneeling down next to him. “What's happening to you, Harold?!”

“It's right, George!” Harold sobbed, covering his face with his hands. “It's right, I know it's right!”

“What are you-?” George jumped as Captain Underpants was slammed upside-down against the wall beside them.

“That storm keeps whispering mean things!” Captain Underpants frowned, righting himself and standing up.

“Whispering-?” George turned towards the storm, and, listening closely, he could hear what the superhero was talking about.

“You're just disgusting.”

“You know it's wrong. You know it. Freak.”

“Everyone hates you. They hate it. They hate you, because it's bad.”

“You dragged him down with you. It's your fault. It wouldn't have happened if you weren't-!”

George's eyes widened as he looked back at Harold. Was all that what he had been worried about?

“This storm is such a downer, man!” Captain Underpants flew back up to the storm, trying harder to beat it up. Harold screamed, doubling down around himself and wrapping his arms around his sides. The more Captain Underpants attacked the monster, the greater Harold's pain seemed to get.

And then George got it.

“Captain Underpants!” He yelled, trying to get the hero's attention. “CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS!”

“Huh?” He was knocked back out of the sky, landing a few feet in front of the boys.

“We can't attack it! It's hurting Harold!” George told him, trying to ignore the whispers in his ears. If he listened to them, he was sure he'd start to believe them.

“Hurting Harold?” Captain Underpants frowned. “But then how do we defeat it?”

George started pacing, trying to think. The whispers started to seep further into his mind, almost personalized- “At least they have the decency to pick a side-” George shook his head, growling. It wasn't bad, he told himself determinedly. It was normal! People all over the world were like them! It was fun!

A loud screech came from the storm, as if it were hurt. George gasped. His eyes widened.

“I think I know what to do!” George told Captain Underpants. “But we need help! Stay here!”

George hurried into the school, quickly looking around. Several other students were hiding, and some were throwing things at the storm in a futile attempt to hurt it.

“Erica!” George ran over to the girl, tugging at her arm. “Erica, we need help!”

“What are we supposed to do?” Erica asked.

“I think I figured it out, but the more people, the better,” George told her.

“Is this you imbeciles’ fault?!” Melvin snapped, popping up from under a table. “It always is!”

“We didn't do anything! This time! Look, I just need some help-” George ducked and covered his head as Captain Underpants broke through the ceiling with Harold in his arms.

“I think the storm is hurting Harold!” Captain Underpants frowned, setting him on the floor.

“What's going on with him?” Melvin asked.

“I dunno! Some weird laser thing zapped Harold and then this thing formed and it's saying mean stuff-!”

“It's saying homophobic stuff!” Melvin slapped his forehead. “You dolt, it's internalized homophobia!”

“Um, I don't hear anything!” A student spoke up.

“You can't hear it?” George and Melvin asked, confused. The girl shook her head.

“Ok, well, that's not the point!” George flinched and looked back at Harold. He went and kneeled next to him, lightly holding his shoulder. “Harold? Buddy?”

“I'm sorry, George. It's my fault you're-” Harold gulped and sobbed. “Y-you had a chance to- to be n-normal, bu-but I-”

“Harold, it's not your fault I like boys too,” George assured, helping him to sit up. “Y'know, thinking about it- do you remember that new kid in like, 3 grade that I kept wanting to prank?”

“Him?” Harold laughed a bit, sniffing and rubbing at his cheeks. George blushed and shrugged.

“Maybe! But it's not your fault. You just helped me like, figure out that boys are even an option. It's awesome!” The storm outside screeched loudly and growled.

Harold smiled softly, but then frowned and looked down. “But it's weird, isn't it?”

“Actually, homosexuality has been found and documented in about 500 species,” Melvin spoke up. “Humans are no weirder than the rest of the animal kingdom, save for we're the only ones with homophobia.”

“...can dolphins be gay?” Harold asked quietly.

“Mm-hm.” Melvin nodded. Harold grinned. The monster began to shrink and screamed, pulsing slightly.

“... Doesn't… doesn't everyone hate it? Me?” Harold asked quietly. George set a determined face and sat down next to his friend, hugging him tightly.

“We don't hate you, Harold,” Erica said, stepping forward.

“Yeah, we don't mind it,” another student agreed.

“I don't like you, but just because you're annoying.” Melvin folded his arms and looked away. “Not because you're gay. That's just mean.”

“You're super cool, yo!” Captain Underpants smiled. The other students nodded and spoke in agreement. Once more, the storm cried out and shrank even more.

“It’s shrinking!” Erica pointed out. At this point, the storm was trying desperately to get at Harold again- everyone could hear it shouting now.

“Harold, you can’t listen to it!” George held onto Harold’s shoulders. “You have to ignore it! It’s lying to you!”

Harold squeezed his eyes shut and covered his ears. “You’re wrong,” he said to himself- to the storm. “You’re wrong! You’re lying!” The storm kept shrinking and shrinking. “There’s nothing wrong with it! THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING GAY!”

The storm let out one final scream as it shrank and finally disappeared completely. Everyone froze for a moment before George and Harold laughed and tightly hugged each other.

“Woah! That was cool, it’s gone now!” Captain Underpants smiled.

“I can’t believe you were scared about… all that,” George said. Harold shrugged, resting his head on his best friend’s shoulder. He sniffed and rubbed at his face.

“I wasn’t, really. I didn’t believe any of it. But then it just got a lot… stronger.”

“I wonder where the laser came from,” George said. Suddenly, a pipe burst in the half-destroyed school and directly hit Captain Underpants. The boys burst into laughter as Mr. Krupp sputtered and came to.

“What- George, what did you do?! What happened to the school?!” Mr. Krupp yelled. “AND WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES?!”

[psycho-slytherin]

Strangers ch. 18

You spend another wild evening with the guys, and Xiumin’s pet birds need tending to.

Pairing: Yoongi x (female) Reader

Word count: 1.5k

Genre: Fluff

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<–– Prev   Next ––>

“Thanks again for doing this,” Xiumin says, plopping down and dangling his keys in front of you. You pluck them out of his outstretched hand.

“Of course. God forbid your birds be in need of anything over the weekend,” you tease.

“Hey, they’re high maintenance,” Xiumin protests. “Remember, you need to give them fresh fruit every morning and bird feed in the evenings–”

“Mmhmm. When are you leaving?”

“Friday– tomorrow.”

“Will I see you before you go?”

Xiumin checks his phone. “Maybe? I’ll let you know. You can’t come by tonight?”

“Yeah, I’m meeting some friends.”

Xiumin clucks his tongue. “Maybe another time. Hey, I have to get going to class–”

“I’ll see you later, then.” You kiss him sweetly before he gathers his things and leaves. In the four months since you began dating, it’s become a normal thing for your boyfriend to pop over so you could eat breakfast together occasionally.

You check the clock. You have a few minutes before Lisa’s supposed to pick you up, so where else would you go besides bed? You flop onto your mattress and sigh. You’ve been so unbelievably tired lately. Your phone rings beside you and you reach for it, smiling at the caller ID.

“Hello?”

“Hey, it’s Yoongi–”

“No, really?” you gasp. “I had no clue!”

You hear him chuckle on the other end of the line. “Sorry, habit.”

“Don’t apologize.” you lean back against your pillow. “What’s up?”

“Are we still on for tonight? The guys can’t wait.”

“Of course. How could I disappoint the children?”

“WE MISS YOU!” you hear Hoseok’s yell followed by Yoongi’s exasperated sigh.

“Am I on speaker?” you ask in amusement.

“No, he just has freakishly good hearing. It can get… kind of inconvenient,” Yoongi mutters.

“I really hope you’re not saying what I think you’re saying.”

“Get your mind out of the gutter, y/n.”

“Why? It’s so much fun down here.”

Yoongi clicks his tongue. “Are you physically capable of–”

“-Of not being the queen of banter? No, sorry, can’t say I am.”

“You’re so weird.”

You roll your eyes. “Love you too.”

Yoongi coughs loudly. “Anyways, Seokjin hyung is wondering what you want for dessert.”

“And you didn’t tell him that I worship anything chocolate?”

“In what form?”

“The yummy form.”

Yoongi sighs again. “You’re impossible.”

“Gotta keep you on your toes. I’ll see you tonight, yeah?”

“See ya.”

You stand and stretch, grabbing your bag as you get a text: Lisa’s arrived. You hurry down and hop into her car, buckling up as she takes off.

“Y/n, darling, it’s been too long.”

“It hasn’t even been a day.”

“That’s far too long,” Lisa giggles. “So how’s everything going?”

“I mean, I’m trying not to fail history and Improv’s an easy A–”

Lisa tuts. “I meant, with Xiumin.”

“Oh. What do you want to hear?”

“You’ve been dating for literally forever! I need all the juicy details. Have either of you dropped the L-word yet?”

“No,” you admit. “But I might soon.”

“You love him?”

You think about your kind, charming, perfect boyfriend. You must be crazy, it’s only been four months, you’ve always been careful about your feelings, but– “Yeah. I really do.”

Lisa pumps her fist. “Woot! God, I ship y’all so hard I might as well write the fanfic.”

“Please don’t,” you laugh. You’ve read Lisa’s fanfiction– she deals in angst alone. “I actually want a happy ending, you know. All your fics mean someone ends up heartbroken or dead or worse.”

“How do you get worse than dead?”

You stare at her. “Remember the BIGBANG fic from freshman year? Where Daesung was a painter and–”

“Ohmigod stop! We are not reliving Blank Canvas ever again.”

“If you say so,” you grin.

“I dunno how you’re dating a painter after all that trauma,” Lisa shudders. “Isn’t that what he’s going away for?”

“Yeah, there’s some art exhibition down in somewhere, and he and his roommate are leaving tomorrow for the weekend. Which means I take care of his birds.”

“Hey, birds are cute,” Lisa shrugs as she parks her car. “Oh, can we hang out tonight?”

You shake your head. “Sorry, I’m gonna be with some friends.”

“You have friends that aren’t me? Are you sure they’re real?”

You laugh. “See you later, Lisa.”

Your classes are dull, and by the end of the day you’re half dead inside. As soon as you get home you chug a cup of coffee– you want to be fully awake tonight– and settle in to do homework for a few hours before checking the clock and yelping: you’re supposed to be at the guys’ place soon. But what to wear? A few minutes later–

“Hello?”

“Lisa, help, what do I wear?”

“For tonight? Is it formal?”

“No, but my friends always dress like supermodels and I don’t want to look like trash in comparison.”

“Oh, huh. Wear that pale pink blouse– you know, the one with ruffles that makes your boobs look bigger?”

You sigh at Lisa’s priorities. “Fine. What else?”

“The black button-up skirt. You’ll look fire.”

You crack a smile. “That’s dope.”

“Have fun tonight, hon.”

Fifteen minutes later you’re settled in the black car on your way to the apartment. As usual, you have to sneak in through the back door of the basement, but it’s worth it to open the door and see seven grinning faces, Yoongi in the center of them all.

“Y/n!”

“It’s been forever!”

“Aish, it’s so good to see you.”

You blossom under the attention. “I’ve missed you guys.”

“You’re too cute!” Hoseok wraps an arm around your shoulders. “I’m officially adopting y/n as my little sister.”

“We’re the same age, you nerd.”

“I’m older by a few months. Therefore you’re my little sister.” he waggles his eyebrows. “Gonna call me Hobi-oppa?”

You smirk. “Only if Kookie has to call me noona.”

“Can we not with the honorifics?” Namjoon asks, pushing past the maknaes and giving you a one-armed hug. “It’s good to see you, y/n.”

“Although it’d be better if we could eat, too.” Taehyung mutters, and the group laughs.

“Dinner is served,” Seokjin announces. “Let’s get started.”

The meal is delicious, and you eventually sit back with a full belly. “Yum…”

“The night is young,” Seokjin says.“And the chocolate cake won’t be ready for a while.”

“Truth or Dare or Drink!” Jungkook cheers. “Please?”

“You know y/n can’t hold her liquor,” Yoongi says.

You sniff indignantly. You don’t have classes tomorrow; what do you have to lose? “Someone hand me a shot glass– let’s play.”

Regret.

That’s what you feel as you wake up, still dressed– how did you get home? You blink sleep out of your eyes and smack your lips. Ow. Your head hurts and your back hurts and everything hurts.

“Ugh…” you groan. You’re so nauseous that it feels like your stomach is doing gymnastics, and… you’re missing a shoe? What happened last night?

You roll over and rub your temples to quell the pounding headache. When that doesn’t work, you blink a few times and scan your bedroom. You might be wrong, but… nope. You’re definitely missing a shoe.

On your bedside table, when your sluggish gaze finds it, is… what? Some painkillers and an energy drink await you, alongside a note.

Dear hungover y/n, the note reads, feel better and take care of yourself. Love, drunk y/n.

PS: Hoseok has your shoe.

You knit your brows. Drunk you’s handwriting is so different from yours, and yet so familiar…

Ugh, thinking hurts. You swallow some painkillers and chug the entire energy drink before rolling over and falling back asleep.

When you awake again, it’s already dark out and you feel a thousand times better until you realize: shit– the birds! It’s Friday night and Xiumin’s such a morning person that he probably left for the exhibition hours ago, which means you need to hustle over to feed his birds before your shift at the cafe. Luckily Xiumin’s apartment is only a short walk away.

You bundle up and quietly make your way to his place, using the key he gave you to unlock his door before slipping inside. As soon as you enter, Xiumin’s four birds begin squawking and fluttering, but not even the chirrups and rustles can hide the other sound coming from down the hall. You hear an unmistakably  rhythmic squeaking of bedsprings accompanied by pants and moans.

“Oh my god…” you hear a woman’s breathy cry. “Fuck! You’re so good, fuck…”

You go red in the face as you hold your breath, desperate not to make any noise. Does Suho have a girl over? Xiumin had told you that his roommate would join him at the exhibit this weekend. Maybe he changed his mind? You tiptoe over to the bag of bird feed, the girl’s moans ringing in your ears as you quietly, quietly scoop feed into the birdcages. You’re about to leave and close the door behind you when you hear a tired, fucked-out, very familiar groan: “You’re so beautiful, fuck…”

Your heartbeat stutters at the voice. Xiumin?

A/N Sorry if this chapter was a bit dull, I know it was kinda dialogue-heavy. As always, I appreciate any and all feedback y’all may have, so feel free to drop me an ask to express your thoughts. Thank you for reading!

[solomonara]

“Don’t Call It Spa Night” Cake

So I’ve been reading The New Prometheus, a Jason-Todd-keeps-coming-back-to-life series by Zoeleo. Part of what makes this fic great is the detailed writing, which extends to specific mentions of different meals the characters eat over the course of the fic. And when Jason Todd shows up to spa night (sorry, ‘Self-Care Saturday’) with Earl Grey-infused cupcakes...

“Uh, the batter is an Earl Grey infusion and there’s lemon zest in the icing. They were an experiment. An homage to Alfred, kind of.”

Experimenting with baked goods? I may not be able to fanart, but I can definitely show my appreciation for a fic with experimental baked goods. Here’s what I came up with. It’s under a cut because it’s a long recipe - but not hard, I promise!

(My sincere apologies if you’re on mobile, which will both fuck with the formatting and eliminate the Keep Reading cut...)

Oh, did you notice that’s not a cupcake? I hate making cupcakes. Who the hell has time to carefully pour batter into 24 cups, decorate 24 individual tiny cakes, and then wash a fucking cupcake pan with all its little pockets of hidden stickiness... ugh, no, you get cake and you’ll like it.

Ingredients for cake:

White cake mix (It was late and I didn’t feel like measuring dry ingredients)

1/2 c butter, very soft

1 1/4 c milk (you can get away with using water, if you need to)

2 - 6 tbs Earl Grey tea (I used loose leaf, but you can use tea bags if you need to. The amount will vary depending on how much you like tea - I’ve made my recommendations in the recipe steps)

5 egg whites (or 4 whole eggs would probably be fine)

1/4 tsp vanilla

1/4 c sugar

1/4 c water

Ingredients for icing:

3 c powdered sugar

1/3 c butter, softened

3 SCANT tbs lemon juice

1/2 tsp lemon zest

^^^ me acting like I know what I’m doing. Remember kids, it’s not science unless you write it down!

Optional: cup of brewed tea, which helps cut down on swearing while you try to figure out where your egg separator went.

Steps:

I’ve written these out in more detail than you probably need - I always try to write for beginners, so I’ve put the basic instruction by the bullet point and then included more detail in the paragraphs underneath each point (to make them easily skippable if you don’t need clarification). If you have questions feel free to ask!

Prep work:

Heat 1 1/4 c milk in a small saucepan. When it’s hot, steep 1 to 3 tablespoons of tea in the milk for 3 to 5 minutes The amount of tea you use depends how much you like Earl Grey and how stale your tea is - if it’s pretty old, you might want to use more. 1 tbs will give you a very delicate, barely-there Earl Grey flavor. 3 tbs will give you... more.

Tea making advice that will serve you well in life: Steeping black teas for longer than 3 minutes doesn’t give you stronger tea. It gives you bitter tea. If you want stronger tea, add more tea leaves or another tea bag, don’t just leave your tea in the water the whole time you’re drinking it. The timing is less important when using the tea in recipes like this one, though, since the sweetness of the cake will cut the bitterness (as will brewing the tea in milk).

Strain the leaves out of the milk and set the milk aside to cool. You want it to be room temperature before adding it to the other ingredients so it doesn’t cook your eggs. Press the leaves in the strainer to squeeze out all the nice tea-ish juices.

Pro tip: Straining your tea milk into a giant Harry Potter mug will make it taste better.

Set oven to 350 (Fahrenheit, please)

Grease and flour your cake pans. I used two 9 inch rounds, but this will do fine as a 13x9 sheet cake or as cupcakes if you hate yourself for some reason.

Dump about a tablespoon of loose tea in a small food processor, spice grinder, magic bullet, or mortar and pestle. Grind it fine. You need a teaspoon of this stuff and it’s going straight into the batter so you don’t want the grain too large unless you don’t mind chewing on tea leaves.

The Cake:

Separate your eggs and add the whites to a large mixing bowl. If, like me, you suddenly realize that you don’t own an egg separator, don’t panic. Crack the egg on the side of your mixing bowl and pull apart the two halves of the shell without tipping the egg out of them. Gently transfer the yolk from one shell half to the other, letting the egg whites run out into your mixing bowl. If you get a little yolk in with your whites, don’t worry. You’re not making a meringue, so this is not a disaster. When you’re finished juggling the yolk and have most of the white extracted, dump the yolk in a separate bowl. When you’ve done all 5 eggs stick the yolks in the fridge. Intend to make custard with them later. Wake up tomorrow morning to discover you forgot to put a little water in the bowl and the yolks are now WEIRD looking and congeal-y. Throw the yolks away.

Add the butter to the egg whites and beat together.

Add the tea milk and 1/4 tsp vanilla and stir

Add your superfine ground tea and the cake mix and beat on medium speed for two minutes. Depending on the size of your mixing bowl you may want to add the dry mix gradually.

When it’s well combined, it’ll be pretty drippy:

Yum!

Pour it into your pans and bake ~25 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. My pans are very dark, so my cakes tend to cook faster - you may need more time, or, if you went the cupcake route, considerably less time.

Cool the cakes for about 10 minutes before turning them out onto wire racks to cool the rest of the way.

General cake-baking tip: If you have room, sticking your cakes into the fridge or freezer for a few minutes right when they come out of the oven will keep them moist.

Syrup and Icing:

Next you’re going to make a syrup to brush on your cakes when they’re cool. I straight-up stole this idea from Liv for Cake, but we’ll need way less of it since this is a smaller cake. You’ll notice I linked you to her recipe for Earl Grey cake, which is slightly different from this one, but hey, if you hate mine now you have another option to try :)

Btw, the syrup step doesn’t really apply to cupcakes, if that’s the route you chose to go. I mean, unless you WANT to paint 24 individual little pains-in-the-ass with sticky syrup, in which case, be my guest.

So, for the syrup:

Bring 1/4 c sugar, 1/4 c water, and 1 1/2 tsp Earl Grey to a boil in a small saucepan I actually used a full tablespoon of Earl Grey here because I forgot what I was doing. Tasted fine! If you like tea.

It’s actually kind of pretty in person, I’m just bad at photos.

When the sugar is dissolved and the mixture is boiling, turn off the heat and strain the syrup to get all the crunchy tea bits out. Let it cool completely.

While your syrup and cakes are cooling, it’s a good time to make your icing! My old standby for lemon buttercream is actually just a Betty Crocker recipe that you can find right here.

In this case, though, I wanted it to be a little more delicate so as not to overwhelm the flavors in the cake. That’s accomplished easily enough - just use a little less lemon juice and make up whatever extra moisture you need in the icing with milk until it’s a nice spreadable consistency.

Also, you might want to add a touch of yellow food coloring to the icing for the look of the thing, especially if you have nothing else to decorate the cake with, because this icing basically just turns out plain white.

Assemble your cake!

When the cakes and syrup are completely cool, it’s assembly time.

Take the thicker cake round and place it on whatever surface you’re storing your cake on. Lop off the hump (unless you’ve managed to make a perfectly flat cake, in which case, what are you reading this blog for? You’re clearly a wizard and should be out profiting from that with your own wizard bakery.)

Brush that layer with your syrup. When it’s soaked in a little, cover your sins with a very thin layer of icing. This is going to be frustrating because, since you lopped off a chunk of this layer to make it level, all these crumbs are gonna wanna roll up and mess up your icing. Let ‘em. That’s why they call this a crumb layer. Get a thin, thin coating on there and then stick this layer in the fridge for a few minutes - since we’re working with buttercream here, it’ll set up nicely and make the next layer of icing go on more easily.

Add a second, thicker layer of icing, then pop the next cake layer on top. Do the same with the syrup, marvel at how much easier it is since you didn’t have to expose this layer’s innards, and then go to town with the rest of the icing.

Voila! An extremely boring-looking cake. Alas, all I had in the cupboard in the way of decoration were Christmas sprinkles, so we’re gonna say it’s minimalist and call it a day (also it was like, midnight by this point, and I was Done.)

Pair with slow-burn fic with lots of feels.

Congrats on making it to the end of this long-winded recipe. If you have any questions, feel free to hit my ask box!

[babyjakes]

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[mellicose]

That Woman Over There - Chapter 24

A You Me and Him Fix-it Fic

Rating: Teen, for some mature themes

Word count: 3323

Warnings: none

Summary: ~ Set after the birth of Monty, Olivia’s baby ~ A dear friend of Olivia comes to visit for a week, and she disturbs the fragile peace between her, Alex, and John.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7| Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Chapter 18 | Chapter 19 | Chapter 20 | Chapter 21 | Chapter 22 | Chapter 23 |

He looked at Connie with adoration.

“Aren’t I supposed to be the one passing out after sex?” he whispered in her ear, then kissed her cheek.

“Stereotype,” she muttered, and rolled over to lay her head on his chest. Soon, she was snoring.

He gently inserted her mouthguard, and went down the stairs to the kitchen. He wondered whether he should make them a romantic dinner. He looked in his fridge for something to cook, but there wasn’t much in there. He’d been busy in the last week, and grocery shopping was the furthest thing from his mind.

He poured himself a glass of almond milk and squirted chocolate in it. It was one of his favorite tea time treats. As he savored it, he noticed the light on in Olivia’s kitchen. His sense told him not to bother her. But he couldn’t avoid her like she was the one who had done something wrong. Also, he missed Monty.

He ran across the back yard. He knocked on her door, bracing himself for possible verbal abuse. She wasn’t that type of woman usually, but maybe he deserved it.

She saw him and opened the door. She was silent, but her energy wasn’t negative.

“Hey, John. We're getting our things together. We’re going to gran’s house, aren’t we?” she said to Monty, who whizzed by in his walker.

“JUN!” He yelled, and waved his hands to be picked up.

“You’re going to your ma’s?” he said. He bounced Monty in his arms, and the baby tucked his head into his neck and smacked a kiss there.

“Sweet boy,” he said, and kissed the top of his head. “Have you had foods yet?” he whispered to him. He was a bit low energy.

“I haven’t had time to properly feed him something when he woke from his nap,” Olivia said. She folded clean laundry and put it into a large wheelie suitcase.

“How about some spaghetti?” he said to the baby. “With butter?” Monty didn’t like tomatoes.

The baby pursed up his mouth. “Mmmmm.” He looked exactly like Liv.

“Mmmmm,” he repeated, and nuzzled him. “Yum.”

He confidently went into the cupboards for the pasta and the pot, and put the water on the stove to boil. He carried the baby into the living room and sat down.

“Thanks for feeding Monty,” she said, folding a blouse and shoving it into her overstuffed suitcase.

“Have you eaten today?” he said.

Her mouth was in a straight line, and she was entirely too pale. “Now that I think about it, not really. Just tea and cigarettes.”

“Let me make you something before you go. It doesn’t have to be pasta.” Monty crawled out of his lap and to his toys on the corner.

She gave him a bruised look. He stood up to check on the water, and she threw down the pair of jeans she was folding and put her arms arounds him, hard. He gasped. It was the first time she had ever hugged so hard.

“Livvie,” he said, using the nickname he rarely used. She sniffed into his chest, and her shoulders shook. Even her tears were quiet. He held her closer.

“It’s over, John. She’s gone,” she said.

“I’m so, so sorry,” he said. She pulled away, and patted his chest.

“I’ve cried so much in the last few hours my eyes hurt,” she said. “I can’t do it anymore. I don’t know what I’m going to do, though. It’s terrifying.”

“What’s happening at your parent’s?” he said. He went to put the pasta in the boiling water.

“Closure, I think.” She sat down. “I’ll have to bite the bullet since they told me I rushed into things-”

He chuckled. “If 10 months is rushing it, I’m going light speed,” he said. “Anyway, please continue.”

Olivia bit her lip. “She told me I should’ve let her go the first time, when I was pregnant. They offered to let me stay there until I was ready to get back to work, but I refused their help. Then, of course, there was that nosy weirdo coming around to bother me all the time,” she said, and gave him a crooked smile.

“Any old excuse to visit a posh house,” he said.

Monty threw something that made a discordant tinkling sound. He wanted attention. John held out his arms for him, but instead of crawling, he pulled himself up by a large stuffed animal and stood there, staring at him intently.

“Uh-oh. You doing a dirty?” he said, and chuckled. The boy huffed as if insulted he would poop in such an august position.

“Don’t you be posh about it. If you gotta go, you gotta go,” John said.

“Tak,” Monty said indignantly. It was a nonsense word, but it felt a lot like hush. He pooched out his lips and flexed his chubby toes.

“You’ll make sure Alex is okay when she comes back and doesn’t see me?” Olivia said. He sighed. She bit her lip. “She told me what happened today.”

He crossed his legs and remained silent.

“She also told me what you said,” she said, searching his face. “About Monty and I.” He curled into himself. She put her hand on his shoulder. “I didn’t know we meant that much to you.”

“Of course you do,” he said, taking her hand. “You’re like family. I love both of you.” She let him hold her hand. After such a horrible day, it felt good. She remembered again that men provide a different kind of warmth than women, but it was no less necessary. She discovered it young with her father, but since she wasn’t attracted to men, it had slipped her mind. She squeezed back. “You changed my life.”

“You keep saying that, but I fail to see how,” she said. Her tone was gentle.

“I was a sad, lonely involuntary bachelor. Knowing you reset my mentality about what relationships with women could be.”

She sighed and looked away. He ran away to take the pasta off the boil. “Are you sure you don’t want anything, Liv? You should eat something. You’re feeding Monty.”

“A tomato sandwich, then?” she said, walking into the kitchen. He smiled.

“How does Monty hate tomatoes so much? You eat them like apples.”

“I suppose the father isn’t partial,” she said, and shrugged. “It’s so strange I don’t know things like that. I know his IQ and what hereditary diseases don’t run in his family, but not whether he bites his tongue when he’s concentrating. It’s a mystery.”

He drained the mushy noodles, and cut them into bite-sized pieces. “Would it be rude if I asked how it goes?”

“How what goes?”

“The process,” he whispered. He put a pat of butter on the hot noodles. Monty wobbled by on unsteady legs.

“Are you asking about a biology lesson?” Olivia said, suppressing a smile.

“No – I mean, I know how everything works, in nature. But do they bring a cup of … you know what and shoot it up there?” Monty fell on his bottom, and quietly pulled himself up with a kitchen chair.

“More or less. With insemination, the magic of procreation happens in an aseptic examination room with a deep breath, a prayer to your deity of choice, and a turkey baster.”

“Romantic,” he said, stirring the butter into the pasta. With a grunt, Monty pushed off and walked to his high chair.

“And you did it all alone,” he said, shaking his head.

“Does a doctor count? They suggested that I bring a partner to help make the way easier for the swimmers,” she said. “But that was a no-go.”

“Eh?” John said.”Make the way?”

“You know,” she said. “Fool around. Apparently, arousal ups the chances of conception.”

“Oh,” he said. He went into the refrigerator, and found some mashed squash for the boy. He dumped it in the still-hot pasta pot. “If I add some fried sage, you’d be eating as well as a prince,” he said. It was too silent.

“Where’d you go, boy?” he said.

He made a sound from the living room. When they looked, he stood by the window, holding the sill. He held his head high.

“Jun,” he said with finality. And he took a few perfect steps to the desk.

Olivia and John looked at each other, eyes narrowed.

“In the kitchen,” John said. He walked his fingers across his palm.

“Did we miss his first steps while talking about insemination?” she said incredulously.

Monty screamed to get their attention back. Then, he bit his little tongue, and walked to the sofa.

“Uh?” he said, looking at them. They started to laugh.

“My sweet, clever boy!” she said. She knelt to hug and kiss him. “Walking around like the lord of the manor. Do it again for mum,” she said. Both of them pulled their phones out. Olivia walked by the door. “Walk to mummy,” she said. He smiled, squared up, and took the wobbling steps to her legs.

They burst into fresh cheers. Monty squealed along. They kissed him until his cheeks were rose, and Olivia posted the short video on her Facebook.

“You’re gonna have to baby proof everything at your parent’s house now,” he said as he put the baby in his high chair.

“Why does he wait until you’re around to do these things?” she said, smiling. “You’re a good luck charm.”

“It’s chance,” he said. “This has been a week of milestones.”

“He really loves you. You’ll come to visit the house, right?”

He put down Monty’s food and held her hand again. “Of course. You’ll have cream tea ready for me on the patio?”

“You’re insufferable,” she said, smiling.

His smile faded. “I hope you know that regardless of what happened, you can count on me. For anything. You say the word, and it’s done.”

Just a year ago, she would’ve slapped him silly, thinking him a disingenuous twat. But so much had changed.

“I know,” she said. One last question pricked at her. He sat down and blew gently on the squash. Monty slapped the tray, eager to eat.

“John…” She sat down beside him. “You loved her,” she said, searching his gaze. “Alex. I knew it, since I love her.”

He tied the giant plastic bib and handed Monty his special spoon. “Do your worst, mate,” he said. Monty giggled and dug in. He rose to get him his sippy cup. Olivia wondered whether he would say something. When Monty had his juice, he sat closer to her.

“My love was selfish,” he said.

“Isn’t most love, though?” Olivia said.

“I don’t know. It’s jealous, sometimes. Selfishness hints at something else.”

“You said at mother’s that you loved her, at first sight. Although it felt like a punch to the chest, I recognized the feeling in myself. That’s how I knew it was real.”

“After 13 years of Mara, my perceptions were a bit skewed,” he said. He opened his mouth, then hesitated.

“At this point, you can’t hurt me much more,” she said. “Speak.”

“She shines. It’s something about the way she doesn’t care about what anyone thinks. Being around her is like getting carte blanche to be yourself too. It’s addictive,” he said.

“I suppose,” she said. He made a good point. It was also the first thing she noticed about her. At first, it was charming. As time passed, it grated on her nerves, since it started to feel like callousness.

“After a decade of being cowed into misery, it was a change,” he said. “There’s no silence with her. No mystery. Everything’s right there in the open.”

“Yeah,” she said.

Monty coughed, and they both turned to him. He took a deep drink of his sippy cup and kept working on his noodles.

“I wanted her, Olivia. I was honest with you about that. Really honest. I knew you were together, but it didn’t matter to me. And when the opportunity presented itself, I took what I could get.” She sniffed. He wiped squash from Monty’s cheeks. “I wasn’t always that kind of man. It’s not what I was taught, but I was angry at all the world and I didn’t care who I hurt to get what I felt I deserved.”

“Her and I weren’t married,” Olivia said. 

“I don’t mean to sound like a jerk, but it wasn’t about you two. It never was. It was about me, and what I wanted.”

“That’s love,” she said.

He tilted his head.”I hate to quote Holy Writ, but love is selfless. Sometimes to a fault. Like, irritatingly so,” he said, thinking back on all he endured for Mara. And, given the opportunity, all he would endure for Connie.

“I dunno,” she said. “I think the first symptom of love is clinging on to what you love, no matter the cost.”

“Perhaps, but I don’t think it counts if the person you love isn’t clinging just as hard to you,” he said. “That only counts if you’re battling together against outside circumstances. Not if, internally, your desires are at odds.”

She gave him a surprised look. He was much wiser than he let on.

“I wanted her,” he repeated. “But when I got to know all of you, the selfishness faded into something real.”

“I don’t understand how it works,” she said. She knew she was possibly being obtuse, but she had to know.

“It’s almost as if you’re upset I rejected her,” he said, his brow high.

She shrugged. “You won. After all this time, she chose you.”

“She wants me, yes,” he said. Monty threw his sippy cup to the floor and whimpered. He was done. “Are you sensing a pattern?” John’s face began to transform. There was hurt there now, clear as day. “I got a taste of my own medicine, and it was mighty bitter,” he said.

Olivia took off Monty’s bib and cleaned him with a wet wipe.

“I don’t get it.” She went upstairs to prepare a bath for Monty. He stared from the landing. “You can come up,” she said. He followed her like a wraith to the bathroom. Monty squealed. He loved bath time. She started a bath, and threw in the little ducky with the thermometer on it. The baby stood by the tub and did his bath dance, beautifully oblivious of what was going on around him. John sat on the lip of the tub and patted his head.

“I recognized the look, even before she told me,” he said. “It was the same eyes you and I had for her.”

She pulled off Monty’s clothes. He sighed happily when she took off his diaper. He rubbed his bare bottom pensively and waited for the water to be ready.

It took a couple of beats for what he said to sink in. She sighed.

“You get me now?” he said gently. She put her hands in the water and swirled some baby soap into it. Monty raised his arms, and she put him in the bath seat. He giggled and splashed around. She handed him a cup printed with cartoon sea animals. He put it under the water, then poured it over his own head. He took a whooping breath, then laughed.

She washed his hair, working the berry-scented suds through hair nearly as pale as the bubbles. He cooed with irritation, but didn’t fidget. John walked to the stairs.

“Don’t go. We’ll be right down,” she said. She put her hand over his eyes and rinsed his hair. He went into the kitchen and began to clean up. As he scraped the remains of the spaghetti into the trash, he realized how much things were going to change. The idyll was over.

His bedroom light came on, and the blinds shivered. Connie stuck out her tongue at him. 

He texted her. I’m fixing things with Olivia. I’ll be there in a moment.

His phone buzzed. You actually wrote all those words out? Ilysm

I don’t do the omg brb roflcopter thing.

Yr fingers r gonna b sore then 

She disappeared from the window.

I can’t wait. Have a drink on me until I text you. We’re almost done.

K

She appeared at his kitchen window, wearing a pair of boxers and a t-shirt. She waved a beer bottle at him. He blew her a kiss. She bit her lip, then lifted up the shirt and jiggled for him. He put his hand over his heart.

Saucy wench.

For you always 

She pressed the cold bottle to her nipple.

That’s gorgeous. 

He leaned over the sink and blew her a kiss.

“Anyone walking by can see you two,” Olivia said.

“Holy mother of balls,” he said, twisting around. Connie dipped out of view. Monty was brushed, sweet smelling, and in his pajamas. He sat down quickly to hide his semi, but he still blushed. “Sorry.”

Olivia shrugged. “I’m leaving. I don’t care about what the neighbors think anymore. I was watching out for you.” She sat down. “What about my sandwich?”

“Of course,” he said, bursting into action.

She put Monty in the walker, and he began to run back and forth between the living room and the kitchen. He found a crusty loaf in the bread box, but she stopped him. “It has to be soft bread, or it will crush the tomato when I bite into it and make a mess.”

“Ah,” he said, and grabbed the pan loaf bread that Alex preferred. “Butter or mayonnaise?”

“Mayonnaise. Butter’s not terribly good cold,” she said. He let himself be directed. “Cut the tomato thick. The slices have to have some body.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he said. He felt traces of Connie in her.

“Spread both slices of bread with the mayo,” she said, looking over her shoulder. “And after, cover them with very thin slices of cheddar. Last goes the tomato, with generous grind of black pepper and salt.”

He went through the steps, then cut the crusts from the bread. “Do you prefer squares or triangles?” he said.

“Triangles, remember?” she said.

He put the plate in front of her and sat down. She bit into a corner and sighed. Monty ran by and giggled. She picked up a small plushie on the tray of Monty’s walker, and threw it at the kitchen window.

“Eh?” he said as it flew over his shoulder.

“Connie’s making funny faces at me,” she said, and smiled.

He turned and blew her a kiss. She pointed at Olivia, then mimicked biting into a sandwich. She pulled up her shirt and sucked in her belly until the slats of her ribs showed. Hungry. Olivia stuck out her tongue and took another bite. Her eyes focused on John.

“You’re right,” she said finally. “I held on too tight. I suppose I wouldn’t have had to hold on at all if it was right.” She put her hand over his. “I’m sorry. For vilifying you.”

“I was a twat for a bit. I don’t blame you.”

“But you’re not one anymore. Most days,” she said, and smiled at him. “We’ll drive out tomorrow after Connie’s taxi. I will send a van for the desk. Will you watch the house if Alex decides to stay with her mum?”

The corners of his lips trembled. It was all too real. He hugged her tight.

“Alright, alright. We won’t be far. In any case, it’s looking like I’m just the first to move on,” she said, patting his back. When he pointed up, Connie was looking at them through the door. Olivia waved her in. John opened his arms to her, but she walked by and stole the other half of the sandwich.

“Nice,” John said.

“What? I love you, but I’m starving,” she said through a squishy mouthful of bread.

“John, can I order a couple more?” Olivia said.

“Coming right up,” he said, and stood with a smile.

[crackinwise]

I just wanna talk about this post that turned into a trainwreck in the notes. (human behavior talk incoming)

I too noticed the M in “team” and M in “yum” are near identical. I say near because to my eye they’re the same but i’m not a handwriting expert and also i should wear my glasses. BUT i wasn’t going to go on that post and say anything like some sort of asshole, ya know? Shit happens. An M can only be written so many ways.

Someone else was an asshole, it turns out. And the op got defensive as they should, then the accuser kept coming back douchier, etc. But then someone else got super defensive for the op. Like, levels of extra they didn’t need to. They used studies proving humans subconsciously mimic each other to make a deductive argument saying J-nsen loved each individual fan stranger so much he’d end up mimicking their handwriting. And... No. People. I mean, i’m not taking either side in the argument--but i’m giving op the benefit of the doubt cuz going so far for notoriety on social media that doesn’t matter would be a mental health issue we’re also have no business in--but don’t take science out of context to prove a “yum” ffs. Also don’t make things worse by implying someone likes to mimic a letter that is the first in their ~favorite person’s~ name. They’re not young teens writing J+M on binders here. C’mon.

First, the studies had nothing to do with handwriting. Second, do you know how hard it is to consciously mimic handwriting, let alone subconsciously? Even people living their entire life with their family usually don’t end up mimicking each other’s handwriting exactly. How you gonna copy a complete stranger’s handwriting? Third, mimicry in humans pertains to body language and speech. It’s the original meme. It’s how we say “i’m friendly, like you, i’m not a dangerous outsider” without even thinking about it. It’s also how we say how much we like a person we’re familiar with. 

When you talk nicely to a stranger you may copy their pose and gestures and tone of voice. My voice is notably higher talking to a stranger than talking to friend or family since we’re taught to associate that with nonthreatening, especially women. Some people accidentally take on the stranger’s accent no matter how different. I believe it’s the level of empathy one has but don’t quote me on that. (If you were unfriendly or too occupied for your subconscious mind to deal with human interaction, your body language becomes your own and your voice deeper with almost no inflection at all. This tells people not to interact with you.) Just looking at handwriting that isn’t the subject of focus on a sheet of paper with a person for 2 minutes does not make one copy that handwriting. Mimicry with friends or family is a deeper connection with more shared behaviors/speech even when one is not around that friend or family, and one still would likely not mimic the other’s handwriting.

The notes on the post go on with someone overlaying a piece of other J handwriting on the “yum” (the Y matches but the M doesn’t but that doesn’t mean much with just one example cuz a lot of people don’t have consistent handwriting--hi--either because they don’t write much or they’re writing with a different instrument or they’ve been writing for hours and muscle memory has a fatigue point); then someone says the critical person is just critical because they hate the cockles ship. Idk if they do cuz i didn’t check their blog but it seems a bit of that only-two-sides argument to imply a fan wouldn’t be critical of their world. I myself love me some cockles but squint at a lot of posts and popular fics. It’s better for all of us if we have clarity. 

tl;dr: Look, don’t take behavioral studies and apply them where they don’t fit just because one person doesn’t believe you. It’s frustrating, but if you know the truth just say “okay bye” to anyone trying to argue otherwise. It’s entirely possible the artist’s and J’s way of writing an M are that similar. With the markers likely the same thickness, and the angle and lighting making a distortion for our eyes, it doesn’t prove or disprove anything. Pick your battles.