#we’ll get a bittersweet ending I promise

[nani-nonny]

Ch.3: Leo Come Down Pt.2 - Leonardo Come Down

Whelp. Casey Jones you poor, poor child I’m so sorry for your loss. (No one died don’t worry.) We get a glimpse into Casey’s past with Future Leonardo and the outcome of the battle! The boys definitely don’t hold back this time hehe.

Bonus: Me @ Casey’s memories of Uncle Leo

Bonus 2: Me when LCD readers finally catch me

[paigesfuturewifey]

authors note! IM SORRY FOR BEING MIA college was kicking my ass (still is) and i’m trying my hardest not to crash out but here is an angsty fic :D

this is also heavily inspired by she wouldn’t be gone by blake shelton IK IK country music sue me it is unfortunately part of my roots so yes here she is

“i’m sick of this caitlin!”

you two had been going back and forth for a while about this, both too stubborn to admit who was in the right and who was in the wrong.

it’d been two months since caitlin went first pick in the wnba draft. two months of caitlin continuously forgetting about your date nights, two months of caitlin lagging hours on end and then eventually responding to your messages with one word replies, two months of wondering if caitlin would be home from practice at a decent hour or if you’d go to sleep in a cold, empty bed.

two. fucking. months.

of course, you understood the fact that caitlin’s job required almost all of her undivided attention and you were extremely proud of her and all her accomplishments.

but being second priority to her job was taking a toll on your mental health.

you were tired of being alone all the time. the sacrifices you made, picking up everything and moving to indiana with caitlin to be with her, felt pretty fruitless when you had barely seen her in your own apartment.

caitlin’s response came low at first as she rubbed her temples, “what do you want me to do?” and then she repeated it louder, throwing her arms up in frustration, “what do you want me to do?!”

“i want you to be here! you’re never here anymore, caitlin! i’m alone ALL THE TIME now!”

“that’s not fair. i’m doing this for us! for— for you!”

you shook your head, pointing an accusatory finger at her. “no. no. not for me. this is what you wanted! you wanted this! i didn’t—“

“i didn’t ask you to move to indiana with me!”

the statement felt like a slap to the face. caitlin, of all people, knew how hard of a decision it was to move to indiana. to be away from your family. your sister, your parents.

caitlin never pressured you into it, of course. she was insistent that if you had decided to stay in iowa, you’d make long distance work. but when you ultimately decided to stay with, whom you thought was the love of your life, caitlin couldn’t of been more happier.

the two of your popped a bottle of champagne in celebration and spent the night talking, laughing, planning your futures together.

a bittersweet memory that seemed so distant at the moment.

as you narrowed your eyes, you felt a tear roll down your cheek, followed by three or two more. “you know what, caitlin? you’re right. you didn’t ask. but it was a sacrifice i was willing to make for you!”

“you’re not the only one making sacrifices—“

the mere start of the sentence had you letting out a laugh, putting your hands behind your head as you paced back and forth. “you’re not listening.”

“i am listening—“

“no! you’re hearing me but you’re not listening to me!”

silence fell upon the two of you, both contemplating your next words because you both knew you guys were pretty close to crossing lines that couldn’t be uncrossed.

you placed your hands on the counter, leaning on it while hanging your head low, letting the tears drop onto the floor. “i can’t do this anymore,” you finally let out in a small whisper, but it hit caitlin in the gut. “i don’t want a life where i spend more time waiting for you than being with you.”

“you don’t mean that. please baby, stop.” caitlin’s warm hands were suddenly around your waist, leaning her head on your shoulder and kissing softly. “let’s just go to bed, yeah? i promise, i promise things will be different, okay? i’ll make more of an effort. i’ll try and get home on time for dinner. i know things aren’t easy right now, but i can’t lose you. we’ll figure it out, i’ll— i’ll try harder. okay?”

but even when those words eased your mind a little, you both knew the promise wouldn’t be kept.

so it wasn’t really a shock to you when you sat at the dinner table, candles lit and your meal sitting in front of you with the empty chair across from you.

you cooked caitlin’s favorite meal, wore her favorite set underneath your clothes that was her favorite color. you looked at the clock, and when it read 10:30, you scoffed.

you were fed up. you were well over your boiling point.

and, so, when caitlin entered your guys’ apartment at midnight, her heart ached a little at the sight of your untouched meals at the table, and candle she assumed was lit at one point.

she rubbed a hand over her face, quickly walking to your shared room. then she froze in her spot.

your side of the room was empty. from your nightstand being stripped of its decorations, to your side of the closet being completely empty.

the suitcases you used for when you guys planned vacations were gone. along her your toothbrush, makeup, hair products, basically everything that made your shared apartment shared was gone.

caitlin wasted no time picking up her phone and clicking your contact, holding the phone to her ear. she anxiously waited, suddenly feeling as if her whole life was falling apart.

voicemail. she tried seven more times. all went straight to voicemail.

her mind immediately went straight to denial, there was no way you picked up and left, right? you always said you would, but caitlin never believed you. never truly believed you.

or maybe she just didn’t listen to you.

she snatched her keys from the table, leaving the apartment and shutting the door loudly behind her. she bet all her money that her neighbors hated her.

that’s how she ended up in her car, speeding down the highway on a rainy night, frantically calling all of your shared friends.

she started with your mom, driving down the road at 90 miles an hour and switching lanes like an absolute maniac. she’d gotten honked at at least four times already.

“caitlin.” your mom greeted, though judging by her cold and and distant tone, and her use of caitlin’s full name instead of cait, caitlin could tell the news had no doubt got back to her.

“do you know where she is, mrs. l/n?” her question came right off the bat, figuring she had no time to waste in finding you.

your mom’s answer was quiet. and caitlin learned your families habits quickly enough to know that when she went quiet, she was lying. “please—“

“i’m afraid i can’t speak with you now, goodbye caitlin.”

then the line went dead.

with her left hand on the steering wheel, she punched the middle with her right and threw her head back.

her next call was kate because you three all had been very close throughout your iowa college years. kate always understood you in a way that made caitlin jealous.

and for a while, she she was a topic of argument in your relationship because caitlin constantly needed reassurance that she was the one you wanted.

there was clearly a rift in caitlin and kate’s friendship after, but after the move to indiana, they seemed to be mending their friendship. until now.

kate answered on the first ring with a hard question. “what’d you do, clark?”

“kate, i— i fucked up. she’s gone. i don’t know where she went. her stuff’s gone, her clothes are gone, she’s gone.”

“damn it, caitlin. you always do this shit— you drove her away, again.“

“do you know where she is?” caitlin demanded, arriving to her first destination.

“no.”

“you’re lying.”

“no i’m not—“

“i should’ve figured you wouldn’t help me find her. you’ve always been pathetically in love with her, ever since college.” caitlin scoffed out bitterly.

“caitlin—“

“know what? no. you’ve always been on her side, since day one. i can’t even do this right now—“

“you’re frustrated with yourself, about driving y/n away, so your picking a fight with me.” kate spoke calmly, fueling caitlin’s anger.

“don’t fucking psycho analyze me, right now martin.” with that she abruptly ended the call, getting out of the car and walking into the ice cream shop the both of you loved dearly.

after that, she went to your favorite coffee shop, after that, nalyssa’s apartment, then aliyah’s, then the hotel near your apartment.

she held her face in her hands, finally letting the sobs ripple through her. she suddenly realized how under appreciated your voice was. she was forgetting how sweet it was, how beautiful it was when you hummed her to sleep.

she was forgetting your voice already.

and she realized that she should’ve fought harder. should’ve told you how much she loved you, cherished you, needed you.

maybe, just maybe, if she had done that, you wouldn’t be gone.

safe to say caitlin didn’t find you that night, and no one told her where you might’ve went.

[bokutoasavillain]

Hello! Could you recommend your favorite System fanfictions?

I have put this off for so long bc I have so many that I love and making a list that big seemed terrifying but I love sharing fanfics so here’s my best attempt <3

Bingqiu:

Tale Within A Tale

Rated T, It is so good!! The concept is so clever and it is such a satisfying read<33

it's you I find like a ghost in my mind

Rated M, a great identity reveal with a lot of dreamsharing

Treading Well-Worn Paths

Rated T, post-canon sqq turns into a kid and yqy and lbh look after him. I cannot tell you how I love this. The characterization, the dynamics, the identity reveal are all so perfect. Everything progresses so naturally and it is so good. The ending is a bit bittersweet and honestly it’s so fitting and just read this it’s perfect

We Are Not Wise

Rated T, in an au where cultivators draw their swords from their souls, sj takes in sy (a bit of blackmailing included). Sy and lbh are both disciples and soulmates. The focus is more on the relationship between sy and sj and it’s probably one of my favorite ways their relationship is portrayed. It is heavier on the angst and I was crying. It is so beautiful <33

The Mortifying Ordeal Of Being Known

Rated T, such a sweet and lighthearted post-canon truth spell fic <33

side effects may include indefinite photosensitivity

This is a three part series taking place post-canon. It’s about relationship development and also character development bc these two are so so young and have so much time to still grow. It is so sweet and also has some genderqueer bingqiu (as a treat)

Also one of my favorite quotes ever that still makes me cry to this day:

“I think I am mourning something that never existed to begin with,” […]“I think I am the thing that never existed to begin with.” (It’s in the third fic)

lonely little heartbeat

Rated E, lbh reverse transmigrates at 15 (I don’t want to spoil it but it’s great)

colored bright green

Rated T, Binghe also transmigrates to pidw and finds out he’s not the only one! It’s a slow burn and so sweet

Now Entering Incognito Mode!

Rated E, sqq flees cqms while lbh is in the abyss and he meets a mysterious young lady, I don’t want to spoil this it is soooo good!!!

I'll make the world safe and sound for you

Rated M, babytrapping (kinda?) its sweet and beautiful

go with the flow

Rated T, no plot just sweet post-canon husbands

End Racism in the OTW -- Infinite First Dates

Rated M, set during the five years sqq is dead, a lot of dream sharing. It’s really fun and lovely and just perfect <33

Type Casting

Rated E, oh god this one is soooo good!! What if sqqs mushroom body was that of a woman? And what if he didn’t remember his death?? And what if he himself assigned himself the role of the female lead bc well she’s a woman now so she obviously has to marry lbh right? Right???

Also sqqs inner monologue is so perfect and so good!!!!

I love this one so much pleeeeaase read it!!

the adventure of tiny bing

Rated E, tiny bingbing!! They’re friends and husbands and silly your honor

Error 404: Shizun Not Found?

Rated M, such a unique concept done so well

Promise Me Your Heart

Rated T, such a sweet and so underrated fic! I love it so much it fills me with all the mushy sweet feelings and it’s so tender and romantic and just sooo sweet <33

We’ll Meet While Rain is Falling

Rated E, amnesia that gets fixed by you guessed it papapa!! (It’s really sweet and tender)

Size Empress

Rated E, genderqueer sqq has a dream and well it progresses really well

Benign Deviations

Rated M, Bingge and Bingmei switch places and it’s amazing

shallow water weather

Rated T, MERMAID BINGQIU!! It’s so good (also anything my nyoomerr is amazing so read them all)

continued

Rated T, this one is really hard to describe so just go and read it it’s so fun and hilarious

To Boil a Frog

Rated M, the narrator in this one is so good and fun and overall it’s great

a gentler lesson

Rated T, KISSES!! SOO MANY KISSES!!!!

I (immortal, M) think I might be developing feelings for my roommate (27M). Help!!!

Rated M, so stupid so good just what it says in the title

A Transmigrator and a Time Traveler Walk Into the Bamboo House

Rated T, I just really love this one! Definitely so worth reading (I might have read it twice)

open my lungs to let you in

Rated T, also one I’ve reread a few times

Can't we just skip to the end?

Rated E, time travel baby! This and the sequels are so good!!

night of yearning

Rated E, lbh gets selective amnesia, this absolutely destroyed my soul

As to Me, As to You

Rated T, such an amazing concept with so much potential for future shenanigans and overall so satisfying

right from the start, I gave you my heart

Rated T, sqq is under an obedience curse when the jinlan reunion happens what could possibly go wrong?

Cumplane:

slow dance with you

Rated T, Kissies<33

I've got $400 and a really bad idea

Rated T, fake dating hehehe

Cumplane Summary Archive

Rated T, Outsider pov and overall hilarious

huddle for warmth

Rated G, so sweet and funny

Bros before... well everything I guess

Rated T, theyre a family <33

Moshang:

The Pen is Mightier

Rated E, Mbj seducing his husband <33

speak your mind

Rated T, sweet and touch starved

technically our marriage is saved

Rated T, so fun

Cold Hands, Warm Heart

Rated T, this is so good! It destroyed me emotionally and just ugh. My notes after reading it: „My chest hurt and oh my god this is perfect and painful and beautiful“

A Child Once

Rated T, post-canon sqh gets deaged and it’s really good

retrograde

Rated T, amnesia and misunderstandings work out

maine nazaron se tujhe chu liya

Rated M, soulmate marks and a bit of mystery (kinda)

If Not You

Rated E, fuck or die and it’s really good. I stayed up reading this until I could not see properly and I was dizzy

Ok this is it! I went through all my bookmarks for this and it took me the entire day. I hope you enjoy and if you ever need anything specific I can probably find it for you<3

[diamond-champagne]

9. It'll Always Be You

Paige Beuckers x Azzi Fudd

Warnings: none :)

Summary: In which promises are made...and kept

a/n: The end is so close ya'll. Please let me know what yous want next. Also she's short but I love her.

It would be easier if they hated each other. It wouldn’t be this hard. The burning feeling ignited my anger so deep in them would be a welcomed relief of whatever this is. This a constant state of discontentment that has seemed to worm its way into their lives and settle down in their minds. 

It’s like being in a rocking chair and knowing you won’t fall but still feeling the panic that arises anyway. 

It’s like knowing you’re above the surface in the ocean and yet you feel like your lungs are filling with water

It’s like knowing everything is going to be okay but not knowing how.

-

Paige moves through the next couple of days the way the tide rolls in down the shore. She comes and she goes, day in and day out. 

To be fair, this is new to her. The blonde is used to fighting and then making up, or even fighting some more. However, this weird limbo of which they each hold a key to a lock they don’t have is scaringly unfamiliar. They used to be perfectly intertwined and now they’re chaotically tangled. Both pulling on random threads, having no clue if they want to be closer together or further apart. 

Paige is plagued with the will they, won’t they. Azzi and her are trapped playing this game of cat and mouse and she’s not sure who is who. The worst part is that she isn’t sure why they’re doing this because every time, since that conversation with Azzi, she feels like her forever is right in front of her. 

-

“I trust you with my life, just not my heart.”

“What does this mean for us?” Azzi whispers. Her body suddenly lags with defeat and upset clouds her eyes.

“It means,” Paige starts before letting out a sigh. “It means that maybe we need to figure out why we’re scared before we can face them.” She can see the protest rise in Azzi so the blonde is quick to keep speaking. “You said that sometimes my feelings were too much so maybe you need to figure out why that scares you. While you do that, I will figure out why I’m scared to trust you to love me.

“And once we do that?” 

“Once we get to the root of our fears, maybe we’ll be in a place where we can be more than friends.”

“Maybe?” Azzi sasses. The word might be the most offensive thing she’s ever heard.

“Maybe,” Paige confirms. “Because I don’t want to hurt you and I don’t want to be hurt. We can’t give each other the love we feel like the other deserves while being scared of said love.”

Azzi shakes her head in understanding. “And what if you decide this isn’t what you want anymore?” The question makes the brown-haired girl’s heart drum against her ribcage. 

It’ll always be you” Paige states. Despite the tears in both of their eyes, Azzi can see sincerity in her favorite pair of eyes. So, she smiles and counters with her own whispered promise. “It’ll always be us.”

So the two stand, facing each other, in this in-between space of friends and lovers. They bask in knowing there’s something yet mourn not having everything. It’s the definition of bittersweet. 

-

The memory is engraved into the blonde’s head the same those words are engraved into her heart. The spoken vowels play on repeat through her mind all day like her favorite song or the newest tik tok sound. She won’t forget these words though. They’ll always be hers to keep; always hers to love.

Until their day comes, Paige will savor the inbetween the best that she can. She’ll revel in the feeling of having Azzi’s eyes on her when they’re out with the team. She memorizes the feeling of their bodies pressed against each other when the pair sit next to each other. The blonde will make it a point to have their fingers touch in passing.

It’s the little things that make this worth it. It’s the little things that make Paige think that maybe they can rush this after all. But then, there’s a specific smile that Azzi has just for the blonde. And when Paige sees it, she knows that this is worth the wait.

But then she’s back to being restless and a little impatient. This much she tells Azzi in the bar bathroom at Ted’s when the girls are a little more free with their alcohol than usual. Tale as old as time and true as can be; Azzi and Paige will only want each other when a drop of liquor is involved. 

“I don’t remember why we’re doing this.” Paige mumbles. Azzi has got her trapped between her body and the sink. The curly-haired girl’s hands are tracing patterns on the blonde’s hip.

“You should. It was your idea.” Azzi answers smugly. The smirk on her face isn’t a result of their conversation but rather how the blonde is reacting to the mere feather touch by Azzi. Her blue eyes are low and hooded. Her body immediately pushes closer to Azzi’s upon contact. The voice that usually drips in confidence is breathy and broken. 

It’s a high that Azzi will never be free from. It’s her favorite version of Paige. The one she can ruin completely if you give her the opportunity. The brown-hair girl knows she should stop. They’re supposed to be taking things slow. But Paige is so perfect infront of her and neither one is sober at the moment so it’s easy to justify when their lips crash together. The kiss starts fast and desperate but ends being slow and passionate. It pulls small moans and whimpers from both girls as they indulge in each other.

When they finally pull apart, there is considerable distance between them. It’s like they both know that this is a bad idea. It’s like they both know they don’t care. But they stay separated at the whispered promise of “You” that Azzi lets out. 

“It’ll always be you.”

PREVIOUS | NEXT

[enwrites]

Summer Lovin' (l.hs) – Part One

pairing: ex childhood friend!heeseung x afab!reader 

warning: 18+ MDNI !! (not really proofread so sorry for mistakes)

genre/cw: smut, sexual tension, degradation, fingering, male masturbation, vulgar language, suppressed emotions, asshole!heeseung, very slight basketballplayer!heeseung here, crack, slow burn kinda, jealousy, angst, teen romance, slice of life, you cry a lot, heeseung is very annoying, lots of throwing up is mentioned, enha members (02z & sunoo), aespa members (karina & ningning), mentions of beomgyu txt

synopsis: you and heeseung were super close as kids. being the same age and your parents being best friends, you had no other choice but to be each other’s best friends as well. that was until heeseung’s family moved to another town causing a rift to get in between the both of you. never being able to fully recover from the past, what happens when they move back and old feelings start to emerge? you just knew this was going to be a long summer.

wc: 13.2k words

a/n: part one is officially here!! this was just mainly a build up for the story so i apologize if it's a little lacking. part two will def have more to it and juicier smut so pls bare with me! i still hope part one is still enjoyable <3 happy reading and again, all feedback is appreciated :) (+ lmk if you'd like to be added to my taglist for this fic or my perm!)

[ series m.list ] [ main m.list ] [ part two ]

You let out a sigh of content.

Having just graduated, your senior year finally came to an end. Your last summer before college has just started. Bittersweet feelings linger in your heart as you realize your highschool chapter is over. Scrolling through your camera roll, you reminisce on old memories and experiences. Giggling to yourself finding pictures you had thought you forgot about. Most captured you and your three best friends. Karina, Ningning, and Sunoo.

The four of you have done just about everything together and you couldn’t wait to get your summer rolling, especially as Sunoo wouldn’t be joining you guys in college just yet. You cursed at the world, he was just a year younger than you all. It wasn’t like you guys were going to be separated anyways, he was your next door neighbor, his family having moved in right after Heeseung’s family left. 

Heeseung… your mind starts to fill up with childhood memories. You couldn’t help but wonder how he was and what he was doing. You turn your head to the side. There on your nightstand sat a hello kitty framed picture of you and Heeseung at the town’s fair. You picked it up, holding it in your hands as you reminisced on your younger days. The two of you being shy of 12 years old, the summer before he left. The picture showcasing the two of you plastered with huge smiles eating funnel cake. You giggle a bit thinking about the events that occurred that day. Your mind couldn’t help but wander to one specific moment.

For some reason both of your parents allowed you two to ride the ferris wheel alone. Your face falls a bit as you start to remember. You wish things had never changed then maybe Heeseung would still be as close to you… maybe he would’ve kept his promise like he said.

“We’ll wait right here for you guys, okay?” Your mom says, ushering you both to the ferris wheel line. Excited bubbled inside the both of you as you two finally were getting to spend a ride alone without having a parent chaperone. Hearty laughs leave the both of you as you enter the ride, sitting across from one another. The sun was finally setting, leaving a sun kissed color in its path. You knew you’d remember this forever.

“The sky is so pretty Hee!” You excitedly said, taking the disposable camera your parents had bought you out of your little hello kitty purse, capturing the sky from your view. Heeseung watched you with so much adoration. He couldn’t help but smile at your actions, loving every second he spent with you. After getting your little picture, you put the camera back into your bag and turn to look at him, a smile permanently etched onto your face as well. 

“Yeah— just like you,” Heeseung bluntly says, eyes never leaving yours. Your face starts to heat up and you look away from him. You had always had a crush on Heeseung, everyone knew that. Your heart pounds against your chest, you want to throw up everywhere. What you didn’t realize was that everyone also knew how much Heeseung liked you. Your little puppy love could be seen and felt from miles away. “I like you Y/n,” he continues, breaking the tension.

“I like you too Hee–,” he cuts you off. “No I really like you Y/n,” he sternly said, leaning into you. Even being across from one another, you felt suffocated, the ferris wheel capsule was extremely small you noticed. You wanted to run away. this had to be a dream right? 

“I do too Hee,” you whispered back at him. The ride comes to a halt, you were at the very top. Your face red as can be, you were waiting for him to laugh saying this was all a joke. But he didn’t. He leans in even closer and that’s when you felt it. He took your first kiss. Your eyes went wide. For a moment you felt like you were floating amongst the stars. He pulls away, giggling at your reaction as a blush painted his face as well.

“We are going to be together forever Y/n, I promise and I'm going to marry you! And we’re going to have a big house and our very own hamster and even a cat! I know you really love cats but I really want a hamster!” he rambled holding your hands as his eyes never left yours again. Your heart was so full you felt like you were going to explode from joy. At that time, it was you and him against the world. 

Forever you had hoped. Small tears formed as you remember the day he moved. Forever was long gone. You wish the world had helped Heeseung keep his promise. The heart shattering memory played in your head. You have tried for years to forget. But can anyone really forget their first love?

“D-Do you really have to go Hee…,” you choked out as tears fell down your face. Your parents gave you both some time to say goodbye to one another as they packed the last of the Lee’s things into their moving truck. The tears kept falling and falling. He reached his hand to your face, wiping them away. His heart shattered that day, he didn’t think his parents were serious. But slowly things were being packed up until this very day and he knew he had to say goodbye eventually.

“I’m sorry Y/n… I have no choice… please don’t cry,” he says to you, your sobs intensify. It was his time to cry as well, tears fell from his eyes as he watched you, this was never a sight he enjoyed. 

“We’ll call all the time, okay? I’ll make sure we do, remember what I said Y/n! I’m going to marry you!” he choked out. “We’ll be like Hello Kitty and Dear Daniel Y/n… I promise, I’ll make sure my parents let us visit, okay?” he rambled on more. Pulling you into a tight hug, he let you cry on him as he wiped his tears away, holding you one last time. You didn’t know it was going to be the last time. You pull away, wiping away your snot and tears. 

“I-I have something for you,” you stuttered, feeling overwhelmed as you pull out a little charm and a tiny picture of the two of you. Before you could say anything, the two of you were cut off as Heeseung’s mother spoke up, letting you two know they had to leave in a few minutes. Your tears always came rushing back but you held them in. You hand him the picture and a charm. A small smile crept its way to his face. There in your hands was a tiny little hamster charm accompanied by a pocket sized photo of the two of you from the ferris wheel, giggling as he remembered how you guys attempted to try and take photos together with your little camera, hoping the pictures came out well.

“I have a matching one!” you said, pulling out another hamster charm except yours pink and his gray. He pulls you into another tight hug, never wanting it to end. 

“Don’t forget me Hee…,” you sadly uttered, his heart breaking right there and then. How could he forget you? 

“I’ll never forget you Y/n, I mean everything I said!” He pulled you away giving you a stern look. You give him a weak smile, your heart feeling like it was never going to feel better.

“Just promise me Hee,” you softly spoke, sticking your pinky out. “I promise Y/n,” he links his pinky with yours, the two of you pressing your thumbs together, solidifying it. And with that, the two of you make your way to his driveway, as your parents called for the both of you. Your families say their last goodbye, promising to keep in contact and to visit. With one last final hug goodbye, they make their way into the truck. Pulling out of what was once their driveway and onto the road, Heeseung waved goodbye from the window up until the truck was out of sight.

You broke down. Your parents consoling you as your never ending tears kept falling down your face. You never really knew what heartbreak really felt like but you knew for damn sure this had got to be it. There you were, inconsolable as your first love headed away for a new town.

You didn’t realize how badly you were really crying. Puddles of tears trickled all onto the frame you held. No promise was kept as the months went by and your contact slowly started to dwindle. The Lee's getting too busy with business trips and Heeseung making new friends and joining so many after school clubs. The Lee’s never visited since then. Your mother telling you they just had a lot on their plate and that they’d make time eventually. 

That was when the silence came.

Heeseung eventually stopped calling. The fantasy of that little house of yours being taken away by a tornado, forever ripped apart and shattered. The only time you heard or saw anything having to do with him was the year you got gifted your very first phone at the start of freshman year. Your mother had reached out to the Lee’s to give them your phone number. He added you on snapchat from his contacts, never once even starting a conversation with you. You never dared to attempt as well. Too many days had passed and you just couldn’t bring yourself to it. You were just glad to see he was alive and well, even if he never used the app. He never posted anything. Hell, he watched your stories for a week and abandoned the app, never once seeing him appear again.

Before you could get deeper into your thoughts and feelings, there was a knock at your bedroom door. 

“Y/n~ are you up yet? Your mom told me to come up here,” you heard a voice from outside your door speak. Sunoo. You sniffled and wiped all your tears away as best as you could, setting the little frame back to its rightful place beside your bed. “Y-yeah I’m up!” you yelled back, hoping you didn’t look as bad as you thought you did. Sunoo opens your door, taken aback by your red puffy face and eyes. 

“Were you thinking about him again?” He softly asked, joining you in your bed giving you a sad frown. He knew about Heeseung, you practically made his life a living hell the day his family moved in next door yelling nonsense about how he will never be Heeseung. He knew how much he meant to you and oftentimes he’d catch you looking at old photos with tear stained eyes. No matter how many boys you kissed and dated, you just never seemed to be able to move on. He was gonna fix that for you this summer. No more crying over Heeseung. Sunoo was on a mission now.

“Maybe…,” you weakly said followed by a sniffle. You were embarrassed to say the least. You hated how he had this effect on you. No matter how many boys you’ve been with, Heeseung was over there in the back of your mind. Even the time you lost your virginity to the school’s hottest boy Beomgyu, you couldn’t help but secretly wish it was always Heeseung. It was sickening and you knew he didn’t care for you anymore but for some reason you couldn't get him out of your head. You tried your best to suppress your feelings but you knew it was always going to be there. 

Sunoo groaned, throwing his head back, tired of seeing you this way. He hated seeing you sad and he especially hated seeing you hung up over some boy you liked as a kid. You were grown now and he was going to make you get out there and forget about Heeseung. 

“Y/n this is your last summer before college, we have got to get some new eye candy,” Sunoo says into your face, shaking you dramatically. “You have got to get over this dude Y/n! It’s been five years! YOU WERE A KID,” He exclaims, rolling his eyes. You sighed, hanging your head low. Sunoo had a point. You have got to try harder.

“You’re right…,” you let out. Putting his hand on his chest with a shocked expression plastered onto his face, he looked at you with his mouth hung open. No way you were finally agreeing with him on this matter.

“I’m gonna take this as a sign to completely come to the conclusion that we will never see each other again,” you glumly uttered. Yes your heart hurt but it was simply the truth. He ghosted you the year after he moved. You needed to get him out of your head once and for all. 

“Well… let’s start with that picture right there,” Sunoo points to the frame beside your bed. You frown. You shook your head a little, reaching over to the frame and just setting it faced down. Baby steps you told yourself. Sunoo lets out an exhausted sigh. Some things he just needed to be more patient with.

“I’ll let you pass with that one for now, now get your butt up and go get changed and ready! If you haven’t seen what Rina said in the chat, she wants to go downtown to shop and eat! So let’s get up! They’re waiting!” It was your turn to groan as he ripped your blanket off of you and dragged you out of your bed, literally.

You were ready to finally get rid of Heeseung. For good.

“Finally you’re here!” you heard a familiar voice shout as you walked into the designated brunch spot you frequented. You spotted your friend Karina waving for your attention next to Ningning. You and Sunoo make your way over, sitting across from the two. “Took you two long enough! I’m starving,” Ningning muttered, picking up the menu to flip through.

“Sorry! We could’ve come sooner but someone had a problem starting with Hee and ending with Seung,” Sunoo said to them. They both gave you a small eye roll. 

“Y/n you have got to get over him,” Karina said, looking down at the menu in her hand. “It’s been literal years babe,” she added.

“Yeah, I still can’t believe you turned down Beomgyu, he was literally in love with you after you both… you know,” Ningning trailed on. You cringe at the memory. Just after losing your virginity to him, Beomgyu started to get clingy real fast, constantly texting you every second of the day, walking you to all of your classes, wanting to be with you even after school, giving you zero time to yourself. Of course you were fine with those things as you were interested in him at first too. But every single day? You couldn’t take it any longer. It was exhausting the way he love-bombed you. 

“Yeah why did you ever end it with him anyways,” Sunoo spoke up, not remembering the details. 

“Because, he was creepy and weird and even if the sex was good, I felt suffocated, PLUS he said Hello Kitty was stupid…,” you said, reminding them, your cheeks turning red from embarrassment as you admitted the last part. No one was gonna hate Hello Kitty and get away with it.

“You are something else…,” Karina said back, shaking her head. They knew how much Hello Kitty meant to you and that was surely something they did not wanna mess with. Before anyone else could speak, the waitress came by to take your order. This was going to be a long day. You ordered a creme brûlée french toast and a caramel iced coffee. Heeseung loved french toast too, you remembered. 

Boy was this going to be a long summer for you.

“Anywaysss, this summer is project “hot girl summer” for miss Y/n over here,” Sunoo breaks the ice. You roll your eyes as a smile crept onto your face. You couldn’t help but feel immense happiness, thinking about how your friends cared for your well being. You felt so lucky that the world had brought the four of you together. They were your entire world. You probably wouldn’t have made it this far if it weren’t for them. 

“Good because I wanna head to the mall and get some new clothes. Perfect timing! We have got to get you sexier things to wear!” Ningning exclaims excitedly. Something inside of you couldn’t help but get a bit excited. You were ready for a change and you were ready to get rid of Heeseung once and for all.

But you couldn’t help but feel as if something bad were going to happen.

You shake the thought off and you engage into whatever conversation your friends are having, laughing your heart away. You had to make this last summer count.  

After about what seems to be almost an hour and a half, you and your friends head to the mall. Thankfully, everything downtown was in walking distance so you didn’t have to worry about Sunoo having to find parking once more.

Walking into the mall, you guys entered the first clothing store you saw.

“First of all, we gotta get you some lingerie or something, you cannot keep wearing all of those Hello Kitty underwear you have,” Karina judgingly said. 

“Heyyy! They’re cute,” you offendly spit back with a pout. “Again, surprised Beomgyu even gave you some dick after seeing— OUCH!” Ningning yelps in pain as you smack her arm. She rubs the inflicted area, trying to soothe herself. 

“Yeah you cannot expect to get laid like that anymo— OW!” you smacked Sunoo next before he could say anymore. Without realizing, Karina was already filling up a little basket full of matching sets for you. You couldn’t help but feel embarrassed. Were your Hello Kitty underwear really that bad? Your thoughts were disrupted by Sunoo as he called for your name, holding up a few mini skirts. 

“Try these on right now,” he said, pushing the skirts into your hands as Ningning followed suit with some tops and dresses. Already pushing you into the nearest dressing room, they demanded a fashion show. Meanwhile, Karina was hand picking the best lingerie she could find for you, making her way to the checkout, keeping her selections a surprise. Your friends were insane people.

Finally, from hours spent in the mall, you guys were ready to make your way home. The sun was finally setting as you four walked back into the direction of the restaurant your day had started at. With your hands full of bags, you swore you’re never going to spend this much money in one go again. “It was for a good cause,” you hear Ningning's earlier statement fill your mind. 

Was this really going to help? You couldn’t help but feel doubts within you as the thought of Heeseung came crawling back into your head.

The sunset was the same sunkissed colors of red and pink that day you shared at the fair. This was getting pathetic. He doesn’t care about you anymore. 

“Alright, we’re here, thank you guys for helping me with this case,” Sunoo spoke up, opening his trunk to put your bags away. Karina and Ningning smile at you, giggles escaping everyone’s mouths as you all take in the moment. It was days like this you all appreciated each other more.

“No worries, plus I cannot wait for you to see the lingerie, you’re gonna love them!” Karina excitedly squeals, pulling you into a tight hug. She leans into your ear whispering “send pics,” pulling away and giving you a sly wink. Hitting her shoulder, you shake your head with a toothy smile. 

You guys say your last goodbyes as Karina and Ningning make their way to Karina’s car, you and Sunoo pull away, making your way back home. Man was it convenient for him as he lived right next to you. 

“By the way, my mom just texted and asked if you wanted to stay for dinner tonight, she said there are surprise guests?” you asked puzzled. “What is Ice Spice going to be there or something?” Sunoo asks back laughing. You joined in. “Actually, she won’t tell me who it is so we’ll see… so are you down for dinner?” you asked again.

“Sorry not tonight, I already agreed to have dinner with my grandparents today,” Sunoo replied back. You were bummed as meeting new people always made you anxious. “But I’m free other than that so tomorrow we can do something again?” He asks. You nod your head telling him it was okay.

As you guys turn down onto your street, a boy on a bike passes by, catching your eye as he looks at you for a second, riding past Sunoo’s car. There was something oddly so familiar about him. 

“Woah, cute guy… never seen him before, hope we see him again, maybe he could give you some action,” Sunoo piped up as he pulled into his driveway. You smacked his shoulder earning a dramatic yelp from him.

“Yeah… let’s see,” you said back, rolling your eyes as Sunoo helped you gather your things, walking you across the lawn to your house. He gives you a little hug and tells you to tell your parents he said “hi” before making his way back to his house. You opened your door and was immediately met with laughter and some distinctly familiar voices. Yet your head couldn’t quite pinpoint it. The door opening catches the attention of your mother.

“Y/n? Is that you? Hurry in!” she shouts from the kitchen, sounding a bit impatient. “Hold on! I have to bring things upstairs real quick, I’ll be back down!” you shouted back and ran upstairs. Walking into your room, you threw all of your bags into your closet, making a mental note to put them all away later and to try on the things Karina picked out for you. Without a second thought, you ran back down, curious as to who your mother was talking about. 

Heading towards the kitchen, your steps come to a halt.

Were you hallucinating or were Mr. and Mrs. Lee standing right before you? 

“Oh my Y/n— you’ve gotten so grown up and beautiful, I may just cry! Come give me a hug!” Mrs. Lee spoke up, one hand covering her mouth to hold back tears and the other extended to pull you into a hug. “It’s been so long, how have you been Y/n?” Mr. Lee asks you, it was his turn to pull you into a hug. Still stunned, you thought this was a dream. This had to be some sick and twisted dream. 

“I’ve been okay, you know… just graduated and stuff,” you shyly said, suddenly getting anxious. Does this mean Heeseung was here too?

“Yes! We are so sorry for not staying in touch, oh how we wish so much to have stayed here but Mr. Lee’s new job required so much traveling!” Mrs. Lee spoke up, sadness filled her tone. 

“Oh no worries, life happens, it’s wonderful to see you guys, are you two just visiting?” you asked, taking a seat at the dining table, looking at them. They had visually aged but they were still the same sweet couple you remember them to be. 

“There’s something we have to tell you guys actually…,” Mrs. Lee trailed on, a sheepish smile on her face. She looked at her husband and looked back at us. “You tell them honey!” she excitedly demanded, seeming a bit giddy. Mr. Lee gives a gummy smile.

“We moved back into the neighborhood!” He shouts. Your parents both let out an “oh my god” as everyone was shockingly surprised. Your father getting excited that his cooking buddy was back and your mother getting excited now that she has someone other than you to gossip about the neighborhood. 

“Oh my god, that’s so fun! What made you guys come back?” you asked, your interest piqued as you genuinely wanted to know. It’s been five or so years since they last moved. 

“Well, Heeseung actually got into a college here, so we decided to move back and settle,” Mrs. Lee said. “Hmm what was the school name again?” she turns to her husband and asks.

“Decelis University honey, you’re always forgetting,” he laughs. 

Your heart fell to your ass. Your mouth hung open, a visible reaction of surprise shown on your face. No way this was real… you had to be dreaming. Before you can speak up, your father beats you to it.

“Oh? That’s where Y/n is going! That’s so exciting, you hear that Y/n? You and Heeseung can be friends again!” your father joyfully claimed. “Speaking of Heeseung, where is the boy?” your mother asks. 

“He should be here soon, he went on a bike ride before we left to see if anything changed around here. I’m sure he remembers where the house is!” Mrs. Lee speaks up. Bike… riding?

Oh no.

The realization comes crashing down onto you, you already have seen Heeseung. You wanted to throw up right there and then, this could not be happening right now. All of your emotions start rushing back to you as you excuse yourself to leave. Your mother sees your discomfort and follows you out of the kitchen a few minutes later. You make your way out heading towards your room, needing to sit down. Taking deep breaths in and out, your heart felt like it was going to collapse any moment. Your tears come flooding back the same they did this morning. Your breathing increases and you start to hyperventilate.

Was that really him? This can’t be happening, not right now.

Your heart felt as if someone just ripped it out of your chest and through it into oncoming traffic. No matter how much you wipe your tears away, they just keep coming back. Your head shoots up. There was a soft knock at your door. Your mother opens it, a weak smile showcasing on her face. She shuts the door softly, taking small steps towards you.

Your mother had always known how much you liked Heeseung. Your father always thought it was just mere puppy love, thinking you’d move on eventually. I mean who wouldn’t have? You two were only just kids. But your mother knew better. She always did.

The following days after the Lee's departure, she remembered having to hold you in her arms for hours as you hysterically cried thinking about the boy. The following months after, she knew you were still affected despite you telling her you were okay. She’d always occasionally catch you crying, hearing faint sounds of sniffles coming from your room. She always made sure to make your favorite desserts or meals to cheer you up, subtly letting you know she was always here for you. You knew you always worried her so you tried your best to suppress the feelings. But moms know best.

Sitting down on your bed next to you, she wraps her arm around your shoulder, pulling you into a tight hug. You lean your head onto her shoulder as your tears continuously stream down your face. Leaning her chin on top of your head, she hums into your hair to calm you down just a bit. 

“Hey baby, it’s going to be okay, I promise… do you want me to tell the Lee’s an excuse so that they can go home? We don’t have to do this if you aren’t ready yet,” she softly said in an almost whisper-like tone as she rocked you a little from side to side. You shook your head. You knew you had to face him one way or another, you mind as well get it over with. 

“I-I’m okay…,” you hiccuped trailing off. She laughs a little. “Are you sure? I can really make an excu–,” cutting her off you chuckle, wiping your snot filled face and tears away. Your mother was always like this. She was always willing to do whatever it took to make you feel at ease. You couldn’t have been more thankful for having such a wonderful mother in your life. 

“Sunoo said it was “mission forget about Heeseung” summer, so that’s what I'm gonna do,” you let out, untangling yourself from your mother’s arm, sitting back up. You wipe off the non existent dust off your skirt, hoping your mother would understand. She lets out a heavy sigh.

“If this is what you want, you know I’m always going to support you and whatever you choose to do– but I will be checking on you even more than usual, got it?” she sternly ends, squinting her eyes at you as she gives you a harsh point almost scolding you a bit. You both break out into a fit of laughter. 

“Well, whenever you’re ready to come back down, the Lee’s will be joining us for dinner tonight– if that’s oka–,” you cut her off once more. “Mom, it's okay!” you dramatically sighed. “Heeseung is nothing to me now! I just threw him out the window in my mind,” you giggle picturing the scene. Your mother shakes her head, a huge smile plastered on her face listening to your silly thoughts.

“Whatever you say Y/n~ The boy should be here soon, so get cleaned up and make sure you look good! Show him what he’s been missing out on!” She excitedly lets out, giving you a kiss on the cheek. She heads to your door, but before leaving she turns her head back giving you a sly wink, then shutting the door. Her footsteps slowly disappear in sound as she goes down the stairs. You stand up, walking towards your vanity. Sitting on the seat in front of the mirror, you sighed heavily. 

You looked insane. Eyeliner everywhere and your hair a mess. You put on a smile as you get on to working on your makeup once again. Fixing your wings and making sure to add your touch of glitter, you finish off with a clear gloss on your lips. You brush your hair out, making sure it was neat enough and definitely didn’t look like you were just crying your heart out. Thankfully, your oh so dear best friend Kim Sunoo, bought you some eye drops not too long ago, making sure you never walk out with red eyes ever. He knew the amount you cried no matter how much you tried to defend yourself. Some day you knew it’d come in handy.

Well today was the day that’s for sure. 

You grab the eye drops, squeezing a few drops into both eyes, carefully blinking them in, hoping they wouldn’t mess your eyeliner up. You set it down, looking once more into the mirror for a final check. To your surprise, your face didn’t look as puffy as you thought it was. Thank you for the wonders of makeup. Satisfied with how you look, you walk to your closet, standing in front of your full length mirror beside it. You check yourself out, taking note that your outfit seemed cute enough already. 

You had on a sort of short light purple pleated skirt, paired with a simple black corset crop top and sheer thigh high stockings. Was this too much? Again, Sunoo did help you pick the outfit out earlier as, in his words, this makes you look “sexy yet cute” and will “attract all the single boys in our area.” Feeling the need to cover up just a tad bit more, you open your closet to grab an oversized, cropped, black cardigan to wear over your top. That should be enough. Giving yourself one last look, you walk out of your bedroom door, happily humming to yourself as you skip down the stairs, going back to where your parents and the Lee’s were. Catching the attention of both sets of parents, they all looked at you as you stood at the kitchen doorway. You give a tiny wave, an awkward smile on your face. You walk to the dining table, pulling a seat out to sit next to your mother. Mrs. Lee catches your attention.

“Oh Y/n sweetie, are you okay? Your mother says you weren’t feeling too well,” she concernedly asked you. A chuckle leaves your lips. 

“Don’t worry Mrs. Lee, I’m okay! Just something going on with my friends,” you lied, smiling back. Your parents definitely knew you were lying and Mrs. Lee couldn’t help but wonder if her own suspicions were true as well. Deep down, she knew how much your friendship with her own son meant to you. She also couldn’t help but feel guilty for how you both drifted apart, always thinking she should’ve convinced her husband to stay in this neighborhood a little harder. “Well, Heeseung should be here any minute now, food’s about done.”

You take a deep breath in, mentally preparing yourself. Maybe you weren’t ready for this. It was a little too late now though… plus you didn’t wanna ruin your parents excitement having their close friends back in town. You loved your parents and there was nothing more you wanted but to see them happy as well, no matter how much you were hurting inside. But man did you have a lot to tell your friends later. Your deep thoughts are soon broken as your dad speaks up.

“Oh Y/n! The Lee’s wanted to know if you wanted to come to their house this weekend for a barbeque party?” You nervously giggle as you weren’t really sure what to say. “You can invite your friends as well! Your parents have told us how close you were with the Kim’s son next door,” Mrs. Lee speaks up. Your palms start to clam up and your heart starts racing. 

“Y-Yeah… sure I’d be happy to go, I’ll let my friends know! Thank you,” you shakily let out. Both of the Lee’s nod as your mom gives a single happy clap, filled with immense joy. “Perfect! And you’ll make your famous tiramisu right?” your mother grins, nudging you with her elbow. Shaking your head with a grin, you couldn’t help but agree. “Ooh Y/n you make sweets now? You’ve always had such a big sweet tooth,” Mrs. Lee said. 

“Oh she sure does, wait till you try some of her macarons!” your mother exclaims dramatically, slamming her palm onto the table for a little smack sound effect. The two women get up filled with laughter, as they start to help prepare the table for dinner. “Do you guys need any help?” you asked, getting up from your seat.

The doorbell rings, catching everyone’s attention. “Y/n dear, could you grab the door? That should be Heeseung,” Mrs. Lee sweetly spoke up, hands filled with plates and utensils. “Uh… yeah… sure,” you sighed out, heart pounding against your chest. You definitely really weren’t ready for this. Again, that same bubbling feeling started to rise, you swear you were about to throw up right there all over the dinner that was being set onto the table. Surely this couldn’t be bad– right?

Making your way out the kitchen, you softly walked to the door. Your steps suddenly feel like you're walking on a floor full of hot lava. You oh so desperately wished you could just disappear into thin air right now. Please world, let you spontaneously combust with no trace of your well-being. As your body trembles a bit, you take in a deep breath as you shakily reach for the door, unlocking the lock and twisting the knob. That french toast from earlier fighting the urge to regurgitate right onto your floor. You pull the door open, confirming the sight you saw earlier from Sunoo’s car. 

Lee Heeseung in the flesh. 

Exactly how you saw him earlier in the day, clad in his gray hoodie and black jeans, bike leaning on the side of your porch. He tucks his phone back into his pocket, looking up to see who was appearing before him. The two of you lock eyes. He looks you up and down, taking in your appearance. He surely looked different, you thought. He no longer wore his glasses, his face was heavenly defined, and he grew to insane heights, towering over you. He had to be at least six foot tall you thought… yeah he was huge. You couldn’t help but feel butterflies in your stomach, you were sure that you were attracted to him. You swear you could just faint any minute now. Without a care or a single word being spoken, he pushes past you, making his way into your house and into your kitchen.

What the fuck? 

Taken aback, you close the front door, locking it behind you. A frown worn on your face as you try to take in what just happened. Following not too far behind him, you hear your parents excitedly yell his name. Appearing before you in the kitchen, you see him giving your parents both a hug, a small smile plastered onto his face. He wasn’t being serious right? It felt as if he was trying his hardest to ignore your presence. You held back your disappointment as tears desperately wanted to fall from your eyes. This effect he had on you was pathetic.

Now feeling offended as you watch them all engage in conversation, you make your way back to your seat at the dining table. You let out a huff, just waiting for this day to come to an end. Aside from his shitty attitude, you couldn’t help but think about the way he surely did grow into all of his features. Though he sported the same black hair he has always had, you couldn’t help but think how cute and fluffy it still looked, or the way his doe-like eyes still sparkled when you looked at them. 

Well to you they still sparkled.

You also couldn’t help but think about how it’d feel like to have him enclosing you against the wall, towering over you or picturing yourself sitting on his lap as he held you with his big hands, making out with you. You squeeze your thighs together, naughty things fill your mind as a blush crept onto your cheeks. 

What was wrong with you? Why were these thoughts filling up your mind? Before getting a little too flustered, you were brought back into reality as the chair across from you was being pulled out to be sat on. You look up, there Heeseung took a seat. He catches your eyes again, an uninterested look on his face. You simply look away. His aura felt suffocating. He was making you feel so small in your own home. It was sickening.

But man was the so fucking hot. Puberty had done him well that’s for sure. Your mothers sensed awkward tension between the two of you as they brought the food out to be set. Your fathers take their seats at both ends. Your mother takes a seat next to you and his mother next to him. Pouring yourself a glass of water from the pitcher your moms had prepared for the table, your throat feeling drier than ever, you gulp down nearly half of your cup. As you all settle in a bit, you start to dig into your meal. Silence fell upon the table as you all took a moment to eat a bit. 

The silence almost made you want to curl up into a ball and cry. Mr. Lee clears his throat. “Heeseung, guess what?” he asks his son in a joyful tune. Heeseung cocks his eyebrow, looking at his father as he takes another bite of his food. Mr. Lee grins, looking at you and back at Heeseung. “Y/n is also going to Decelis University, isn’t that so fun?”

Your cheeks start to heat up as you awkwardly take another sip of your water. Heeseung looks at you. You could feel his stare burning into his skin. 

Why was he being like this?

“What are you studying?” he asked, tone seemingly uninterested as if he was forcing himself to speak with you. Yet that didn’t stop the butterflies from filling up in your stomach. You had missed his voice. His voice, now deeper than it was before, runs through body. Your body trembles just a tiny bit. To you he seemed bored yet that was not going to stop your heart from doing olympic flips inside of your chest. “Um, psychology…,” you trailed awkwardly, playing with the food on your plate. He nods, more immersed into his food than he was in you. 

Maybe people do change… maybe he really didn’t care for you anymore. You purse your lips into a flat line, frustrated at how things were going. Maybe you really did need to forget about him. 

“Well Heeseung just got his very own car! I’m sure he’d love to drive you to school as well,” Mrs. Lee spoke up, trying her best to defuse the tension. “Mom,” Heeseung whines, disappointed in his tone. She gives him a stern look. The younger boy sighs annoyedly. His mother always forced him to do things he never wanted to do in the first place. 

“I-It’s okay really, I’m fine taking the bus when the time comes, trust me, he doesn’t have to,” you shakily let out. Yet again, you felt as if you were going to throw up all over this table. “No he will Y/n, don’t worry, I’ll make sure of it,” Mrs. Lee smiles at you. Heeseung rolls his eyes, clearly annoyed at his mother for offering his services. You awkwardly pick at your food, as the parents started up a completely new conversion amongst themselves.

Stealing peaks at Heeseung every so often, you wondered why he was being so weird. Did he not miss you this entire time? Were you really that forgettable to him? You frown to yourself, finishing what was left on your plate, not realizing how fast everyone had eaten. You get up from your seat, giving a helping hand as you start to clear the table for everyone and making your way to the sink. Finally, away from the view of the table, you set the dirty dishes down. 

You let out a deep shaky sigh. Tears slowly well up in your eyes once more. You tilt your head up towards the ceiling, trying your best to hold them back. You hated that you were such a big cry baby. You decide to start on the dishes, giving your mother a little helping hand, trying your hardest to think positive thoughts.

Back at the dining table away from your line of hearing, your mother speaks up, catching Heeseung’s attention. “Heeseung, you really have gotten so tall and handsome!” she expressed in awe. “Can’t you believe Y/n used to be a little taller than you back in the day? Now look at her! So short,” finishing her statement, she covers her mouth as she laughs, the other parents at the table join in. 

Heeseung simply chuckles back. You were very small, it was almost as if you barely grew in height the last he saw you. If Heeseung was being honest, you caught him off guard. You looked completely different. Your hair is longer, your curves grew in, and even the way you dressed surprised him. Heeseung didn’t mean to ignore you, he really didn’t. He was afraid he’d stutter and embarrass himself. 

You probably hated him anyway. So he made the conscious decision to make it seem like he just didn’t care. You surely had new friends now. But the thought of you, was driving him a little insane. That wasn’t the same Y/n, was it? He kept sneaking peeks at you like a kid having his very first crush. Well you actually were his very first love. For some reason, you were making him feel a bit hot and bothered. He needed to get away from you, he didn’t even think his parents would even move back to this place. He wanted to forget about you. There was no way you still felt the same after so many years. 

It was his fault anyways that you both stopped speaking. He couldn’t forgive himself and he figured it was best to keep you out of sight and out of mind, embarrassed and nervous thinking of the way he must’ve made you feel. It’s been so long, it wasn’t like you cared–  right?

Seeing you today just made him want to jump all over you. The nerve of you to wear that little skirt… Did you know his favorite color was purple? The moment he saw you, impure thoughts filled his mind. Thoughts and images in his head of you, bent over the table with your little skirt, all for him. He knew it was you he saw in that car with that boy.

Who the hell was that guy anyways? There was no way you wanted anything to do with him… you had already replaced him. For all he knew, that guy could’ve been your boyfriend. He needed to put an end to these thoughts. The two of you were no longer friends and here he was thinking about you in compromising ways. He felt like a creep. He felt himself getting a little too excited in hopes that maybe, just maybe, you were the bigger person and would look past his nonsense and maybe talk to him. He missed you, he always has.

But he was the one that ghosted you and he couldn’t forgive himself for what he ruined and he knew there was no hope of rekindling what was once there. It seemed like you had a boyfriend anyways and the thought of that just sours his mood. For some reason, it just made him all the angrier. He wanted to just kiss you in front of everyone to let the world know you were his girl first to begin with. Deep in thought, he hadn’t realized you were already back until he saw his empty dinner plate being carried away by his mother. 

You sat back across from him. He locks his eyes onto you, taking the way you looked in once more. Man did he want to take you right there and then. He felt so filthy thinking about you in such a way surrounded by not only his parents, but yours as well. He shifts a bit in his seat, having to keep in mind that you were already taken. He was always selfish thinking you’d wait for him. To make himself feel worse, the thought of you doing lewd actions to anyone but him, made him feel the need to punch holes through walls. 

Why was he so upset? He couldn’t even bring himself to speak to you normally anyways. 

You felt heavy eyes on you as you sat in your seat, looking up from your lap, your eyes meet Heeseung’s. This was happening way too much for your liking. You look away and back onto your lap, fiddling your fingers together, nervous as to what he was thinking. He looked scary. Your breathing still a bit shaky, you were just counting down the minutes till the Lee’s left. But you knew they’d be here awhile, that was typical of both your families as they loved to linger and talk about nonsense. Your legs shaking nervously, you let out a deep sign, your anxiety getting worse as the time flies by. “Why don’t you show Heeseung to your room and catch up a bit? I’m sure you guys would love to talk amongst yourselves.”

You spin your head at the speed of light to where the voice was coming from. Your father takes a sip of his drink. “Go on, we’ll give you two some space,” he adds on. Shocked, you looked at your mother, hoping she’d save you, but she gave you a little shrug shaking her head. You knew your dad never took your feelings for Heeseung seriously. Taking a mental note to have a stern talk with him later, you stand up from your seat, legs wobbling. “Uh… sure– if it’s okay with you of course,” you hastily spit out, hoping he’d turn you down. 

To your surprise, he stood up from his seat, making his way towards your side. What the fuck was going on. Was he not just ignoring you not too long ago? Your heart pounding against your ribcage, you scurry your way out of the kitchen, Heeseung follows behind.

Heeseung knew where your bedroom was already, your house was still the same aside from minor renovations from the past years. As you lead the way to your room, he couldn’t help but trail his eyes down to your bottom. The thigh highs on your legs not making anything better for what he was going through at the moment either. Walking up the stairs, his eyes catch a glimpse of your underwear… Hello Kitty underwear? He smirked. Maybe some things about you never changed and boy was he right.

When you open the door to your room, he was met with Sanrio galore. Hello Kitty plushies littered your room followed by every possible character that franchise had a hold of. Hell, your bedsheets and bed were splattered with just as much. 

You walked in and sat on your bed, the nerve wracking anxiety eating away at you. You swear you could just jump out of your window right now to escape this. Too deep into your thoughts, you didn’t realize the fact that he closed the door behind him. You were definitely going to throw up sooner or later. 

The tension was awkward and your heart was heavy. What were you supposed to say? 

Lee Heeseung was in your room and he looked extremely hot. 

He takes in your room, it looks completely different. You had taken time to really change things. He scans around and a certain wall catches his eye. There on the wall, littered with many pictures of you and your friends. There he saw you and that same guy he saw you with earlier in so many of the pictures. Why was he always there? It pissed Heeseung off to no end. Old pictures of the two of you nowhere in sight. He was upset to say the least. Did you really hate him that much? His temper starts to get short. What he said next shocked the both of you. 

“Did you really have to dress like a slut for dinner?” he spits, catching even himself off guard. Your head shoots at him, a disgusted expression lay on your face. “What the hell did you just say to me?” You stood up, crossing your arms as you looked at him.

This was not the Heeseung you knew, that's for sure. Your feelings for him were thrown out the window and forgotten. He was being thrown out the window in your head once again. “Did I stutter?” he cocks his eyebrow at you as your face displays offense.

“What the hell is your problem Heeseung,” you bite back, your temper being shortened. You cannot believe this was the same guy you were crying over the entire day. He laughs at your face. “What’s yours? I’m not the one having my ass and tits hanging out for the whole world to see,” he nonchalantly says. Oh he was done for. “You sure have changed.”

He was far too gone to even call whatever he just did some sick joke and make up with you. To him, you looked so cute being all angry at him, it made him a little excited. He wondered how long he could keep this up. Though, he was fighting the urge to just grab you and kiss you right there. But you had a boyfriend, he couldn’t do that. 

You angrily stomp towards him, cornering him against the wall. Harshly jabbing his chest with your finger, you looked up at him, a smug smile plastered onto his face. You wanted to punch his pretty face in. 

“You are so fucking annoying, what do you treat every girl you see this way? Dick too small to get any action, you have to take it out on women?” you spit out at him, venom lacing your voice. One thing you were not going to let men get away with was the way they spoke about women. The sweet Heeseung you once knew, instantly exploding into little pieces in your mind. 

He chuckles. “I’ll have you know, I have a huge dick and probably get more action than you– Ms. Hello Kitty panties,” he smirks at you as you gasped. “You fucking creep!” a loud sound erupted into the room.

You had just smacked him in the face. Heeseung knew he had that coming. You couldn’t believe this was your Heeseung. Someone definitely replaced the Heeseung you knew with a terrible good for nothing clone.

But why were you still so attracted to him?

Heeseung rubs the side of his face that was inflicted. “Can’t handle the truth can you, can’t believe your little boyfriend lets you out looking like that,” he said, rolling his eyes at you. Puzzled, you furrowed your brows together trying to figure out what he meant. Boy… friend? Then it hits you.

Sunoo. You couldn’t believe what you just heard. Heeseung thinks Sunoo is your boyfriend. Forgetting all that just occurred, you pull back and let out the loudest laugh in his face, clutching your stomach. You couldn’t believe he thought Sunoo was your boyfriend. “You really are so stupid,” you said, wiping a tear away. 

Heeseung’s face heats up a bit as he pouts, what could’ve possibly been so funny. “Yeah, my “boyfriend” let’s me out like this, because he’s not actually my boyfriend,” you said with finger quotes on the word boyfriend. Why was he so worked up over Sunoo anyways? 

“Then who is he to you, he’s in all of your pictures,” he crosses his arms at you. You raise an eyebrow, confused as to why he was pressing. “Um, that’s my best friend, he lives in your old house…,” you trailed, feeling a bit awkward bringing up the fact that his old place of residence was now occupied by some boy he knows nothing about.

Heeseung’s eye twitches just a bit, a weird feeling bubbles within him. So you did replace him and better yet, replace him with another boy that lives in his old home. He felt as if you just kicked him in the face. 

“Was I nothing to you? What are you gonna marry him now? I look better anyways,” he disgustingly lets out at you. Was he jealous? You laughed, shaking your head in disbelief.

“You were the one that ghosted me, let’s not forget that now,” you said back sternly. The way his eyes darkened at you, made your knees a bit weak. He strides towards you, causing you to walk backwards, the back of your legs hitting your bed as you stumble on, Heeseung towering over you.

Voice dropping as he looked down at you on your bed, he spoke up. “It’s not like it mattered anyways, seems like you were out here dressed like a whore, leading every boy on.” Your eyes meet his, he leans down, you can feel his breath on your face. 

“Bet you wanted me to look at you anyways, I bet you like the attention,” he whispers in your ear. Tingles run through your entire body. Without thought, you squeezed your thighs together to feel a little friction. You were getting turned on. He lingers just a little as he reaches his hand up to hold your chin, making sure you looked him in the eyes. Your breathing increases as you start to realize how close he was to you. This had to be a dream. He inches his face closer to yours, the scent of your strawberry like perfume fills his nose. You have always smelt sweet. It was intoxicating to him. You close your eyes, hoping this wasn’t real. He looks down at your lips before taking a slight breath in. 

His lips landed onto yours. Your eyes widened, not believing this was happening. You quickly close them again, giving into the kiss. He smirks against your lips, deepening the kiss, his hand still holding your face up. He pulls away, pushing you down. You scoot up a bit, as he climbs onto your bed, now hovering over you.

You felt so small under him. Your eyes fluttered as he stared down at you. A wave of embarrassment wash over you as you bring your arm up to cover your face. He pulls your arm away, eyes hungry for you. He leans back down, pulling you into another heated kiss as he puts his knee in between your legs, opening them slightly. The friction catching you off guard, you let out a small moan. His dick twitches, you start to grind a little on his leg. He moves his hand down to caress your side, bringing it up to give your boob a squeeze over your shirt.

You gasped, taken by surprise. He takes the chance to stick his tongue into your mouth, your panties growing wetter by the minute. Mission “forget about Heeseung” was no longer there. You wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him in. Everything felt so hot and fuzzy, you had long forgotten the things he had said earlier. Heeseung pulls away, moving his mouth to your neck, leaving a trail of kisses. You squirm under him, trying your hardest to keep quiet. He chuckles.

“We just met again after so long, and you’re really letting me do this to you right now while our parents are downstairs?” he spoke against you, he trails his hand down and in between your legs. “You aren’t really helping your case of being a little slut now– are you?” 

Your face turns red, unable to speak. He was right, you guys had barely said anything to each other and here you are letting him touch you after all the nasty things he said earlier. It was Lee Heeseung after all. The one and only boy who managed to make you feel every and all emotions in this world. Your body easily gave in as if this was what it's been waiting for. 

His fingers stroke the outside of your panties, you were already soaked. He rubs his finger up and down your panties, feeling the dampness as he reaches his other hand up to your corset top, conveniently having a zipper on the front, he unzips your top, your boobs spilling out. “No bra? You really are just a slut.”

At this point, he was painfully hard. He gropes one of your breasts as he leans down, taking the other into your mouth. He sucks on your nipple as he rubs circles on your clit, still clothed by your panties. You reach your hand over your mouth, covering it as your moans gradually get louder. The room felt hot and heavy, you couldn’t help yourself as you moaned his name, pleasure overfilled your body.

“H-Heeseung… Hee… please…,” you softly cried out. He moans into your breast, pushing your panty to the side, he feels your wetness in its entirety. His fingers slide up and down your slit as he takes his mouth off of your nipple, eyes on you. 

Fuck, you looked too hot. He couldn’t believe he was doing these things to you right now. He pulls you into another sloppy kiss. He inserts his finger into your hole, a moan erupting out of you as he starts to thrust his hand. You were so wet and he needed to take you right now. The thought of you both potentially getting caught as your parents were just downstairs, turned him on even more. He pulls away, taking your fucked out expression in. He adds in another finger.

“Oh my god,” you moaned, blushing as you caught his eye. Lust overtook him as he increased the pace of his hand, pumping his fingers in and out of you as if his life depended on it. He curled his fingers within you, earning a loud squeal from you. He smirks. 

“Y/n, you gotta keep your voice down, you don’t want your parents coming up here seeing their sweet little daughter like this, now do you?” he menacingly asked. Your cute little moans were enough to almost make him burst all over you. His pants were getting too tight for his liking. He needed to have you. 

You were lost and flustered. His fingers so deep into you, you felt your climax was close. “Faster… please H-Hee…,” you moan, stuttering from the sensation. “S-So c-close, I’m so close.”

With his free hand, he reaches up, grabbing your face. “Look at me while you cum Y/n, I need to see your fucked out face,” his said, his deep voice making you clench around his fingers. Your moans start to increase again, he puts his hand over your mouth, trying to suppress the volume. With one more pump, you cream all over his fingers, screams of his name muffled against his hand as he rides out your high with his fingers. He takes his hand off, allowing you to finally breathe and catch your breath. Eyes hazy as you pant. He pulls his fingers out of you, taking them up to his mouth, sucking on his own fingers and tasting your cum. 

“Fuck, you taste so good Y/n,” he said, leaning down kissing you, letting you have a taste of yourself. Pulling back, he leans his forehead on yours, taking in what he just did with you. Silence filled the room, your cheeks heated up as you looked away from him. Your heart wanted to jump out of your chest. 

You just let Lee Heeseung finger you. 

And you liked it. 

Before you both could even muster up words to say, yells of Heeseung’s name were heard from downstairs. He stands up quickly, taking in the way you were on your bed one last time. Man did he love that skirt on you. He adjusts his hoodie, pulling it down more to cover his raging boner. Without a word, he takes his leave, leaving you there on your bed. Tits out, panties filled with your own cum, skirt hiked up, and flustered. You hastily sit up, zipping your top back up. Like the entire day, the feeling of needing to throw up reemerges. You reach your own hand down, feeling the wetness still there. This definitely was not a dream. Heeseung just fingered you.

Lee Heeseung was here and he just fingered you.

You grab your pillow, groaning as you slam your head repeatedly down onto it. 

How the hell did you end up here?

Heeseung’s heart was beating so fast. He ran down your stairs, almost running into his own mother as she was putting her shoes on by the door. 

“Woah, slow down son,” she laughs. He mutters a sorry as he turns to bid your parents a goodbye. He makes his way out of your house needing a breath of fresh air, still painfully hard. He picks up his bike from the side of your porch and makes his way off of your driveway and down the road, leaving his parents there puzzled as to why he was in such a hurry. He needed to get home now.

Thankfully, his house wasn’t too far from yours, just being down the street by the basketball court. He threw his bike onto his lawn as he hurriedly tried to fish his house keys out of his pocket. Opening the door, he quickly shuts it behind him as he runs up the stairs and to his room. He locks the door. He needed to let one out while the image of you was fresh in his mind.

Heeseung strips himself of his clothes, leaving him in just his boxers. He jumps into his bed, laying his head onto his pillow, palming himself through his boxers. Before getting started, he hears his parents enter the home. He waits until they make their way into their room, settling in for the night. After a bit of time had passed, he deemed it safe enough to finally start his session. He palms himself once more, squeezing his length through his boxers. 

He couldn’t believe you actually let him finger you. He takes the hand he used to finger you with, bringing his fingers up to his nose, taking a whiff of what was there of your essence. His dick twitched. You smelled delicious. Not being able to take it any longer, he pulls his boxers down, his cock slapping down onto his abdomen, pre cum already leaking from his tip. He spits into his hand, carefully reaching down to his cock, giving it a stroke.

Thoughts of you fill his mind. Images of what just happened flipped through his head like a slideshow. He strokes up and down, remembering the way your tits looked amazing. Your moans replay over and over again. He gives his tip a squeeze and continues on stroking his cock to you. His eyes remain closed as he tries his hardest to keep you there. He strokes hard and fast as he can almost still hear you moaning his name over and over again. 

He groans, wishing you were here to help him out. He thinks about how warm and wet your mouth would feel around him. He wishes so badly he got to feel your pussy around his cock, squeezing him the way you suffocated his fingers within you. 

“Fuck… Y/n,” he moans to himself, speed increasing. That damn skirt of yours. Next time he knew he had to have you bent over the nearest surface, pumping his cock deep into your pussy. If there was even a next time.

You were driving him insane. His orgasm getting closer and closer, he gives a few more pumps, ropes of his own cum spilling all over his chest as he lets out curses of your name. He laid there, panting and trying to catch his breath. 

This summer was going to be the death of him. 

The next day rolls around a little too fast for your liking. The events of last night, replaying in your head over and over again. You wanted to go to the nearest bridge and jump off. 

The boy you have been crying over for years was just here… in your house… and he fingered you. 

Your anxiety has been eating away at you since the moment you woke up. Your friends were on their way to your house, any minute now. Thankfully, Sunoo slept over his grandparents and agreed to go pick up the two girls before making his way here. 

After Heeseung had left last night, you immediately looked for your phone, opening up your messages to tell them what just happened. Thinking about it makes you want to run away forever.

Y/n sent a message to group “fuck heeseung!”

Y/n: guys … something just happened…

Karina: what’s up babe?

Sunoo: u good?

Ningning: ???

Y/n: uhhhhhhhh……

Sunoo: bitch if u dont just spit it out! 😒

Y/n: heeseung just fingered me in my room

Sunoo: WTF

Karina: WTF

Ningning: WTF

Ningning: this bitch done took the gc name srsly my gawdddd 😭

Having sent that text, you immediately threw your phone, ignoring the spam texts and calls your friends were sending your way. You could not handle your emotions as you went to get ready to sleep only to wake up to threats from your friends telling you they’re breaking into your house tomorrow and making you spill the tea. You lay there on your bed, covering your face with your hands. One of these days you were really going to throw up all over the place.

Your thoughts were soon broken as you heard loud knocks coming from downstairs. You hear muffles of your friends greeting your mother as she opens the door for her and then asking where you were. You wish you could just cast a spell like Alex Russo and disappear yourself out of here. Rushed footsteps head their way to you and your door was thrown open. You uncover your face and quickly sit up, patting your lap as your friends stare back at you, their arms crossed. 

“Heyyyyyyy…,” you said, awkwardly trying to lighten the mood, tucking your hair behind your ears, giving them a toothy exaggerated smile. This is the part where you wish you could spontaneously combust. Karina closes your door as Sunoo walks to sit on the bed with you and Ningning occupies the beanbag on your floor. Karina sits on the ground next to her. All eyes on you.

“So… how are you guys,” you sheepishly said, rubbing the back of your neck. They all roll their eyes simultaneously growing impatient. 

“How are we? Bitch how are you?!” Karina shouts at you. You pick up the Hello Kitty squish next to you, slamming your face into it and groaning. “If you don’t hurry and get to the detai–,” you cut her off.

“I will! Okay! So like you see…,” they inch closer towards you, not wanting to miss a single detail as mission “forget about Heeseung” was now compromised. You sighed, taking in a deep breath. It was now or never. 

“Okay so you see what had happened was… Heeseung’sfamilyhadmovedbacktotheneighborhoodandtheycameoverand–,” you were interrupted. “Oh my god Y/n slow the hell down, you know I can’t think!” Ningning exclaims, annoyed at your tactics.

“Okay.. okay… so… Heeseung’s family had moved back to the neighborhood–,”

“So they were the “special guest” your mom had told you about?” Sunoo interjected. You nod. “Okay, carry on.”

“Right so, since his family had moved back… that means he’s back… and–,”

“Now how did this get to him fingering you?” Karina speaks up. 

“I’m getting there woman! Okay so–,” 

“Damn Sunoo you missed out on seeing this motherfucker,” Ningning interrupts once more. “Right? Like I was just thinki–,” Now you were the one to cut Sunoo off. “Are ya’ll going to let me finish my story or what?” you annoyedly sighed. The two mumble small “sorry’s” as they allow you to continue. 

“Alright so, my parents invited them to stay for dinner, Heeseung wasn’t there yet and turns out he was the guy me and Noo saw riding his bike down our road,” you start off, palms getting sweaty. “THAT WAS HIM?” Sunoo shouts back at you, hand covering his mouth. “He was so cute.”

“Anyways,” you continued. “He shows up, kinda an asshole now, he practically ignored me all dinner until my parents forced me to bring him to my room and then things got a little… you know… heated… and he uhh… you know, did what he did to me,” you shyly finished as all the blood within you started to rush to the apples of your cheeks. You looked down onto your lap. “He was really mean… but he was so hot… I’m not sure what happened but he went from calling me a slut, to getting weird over thinking Noo was my boyfriend, me yelling at him, and then BAM! His fingers made their way in me I guess…,” you finished off. You look up, catching your friends' confused stares. Sunoo bursts into a fit of laughter.

“He thought I was your boyfriend? Y/n he was so jealous, like seriously, he finger fucked you because he was jealous you were around another boy!” Sunoo says through his laughter. You smack him with your squish, throwing punches at him after. “Well yeah and you’re sitting right where it happened,” you yelled at him. He gagged, disgusted he pushed you off of him and took a seat on the floor next to the two girls. He shook his whole body, cringing.

“Wait a minute, he called you a slut? Like in a “you’re so hot you belong to me” type of way or “you’re a slut and you need to stop looking like how you look” way?” Karina asks, genuinely concerned over the fact that this dude potentially hurt your feelings. You scratch your head. 

“Um… the second one…,” you trailed. Karina gets a bit heated. Her feelings towards this dude grow sour as the seconds pass. She hated him already. She lets out a heavy sigh. “You can’t be serious and you let him touch you after all of this?” She says with a disgusted tone paired with an equally expressive disgusted face. “When I get my hands on this guy, I’m gon–,” you cut her off.

“Rina, seriously it’s okay… everything just happened so fast, I’m not really sure how to feel but I also didn’t hate it,” you painfully admitted. The shame inside of you spilling out of your pores as you try to figure out a way to justify what you did. There was no justification. This was all way too complicated. 

“Y/n… this is the guy you have liked forever… and he ghosted you… if it were me, i would’ve been beating the shit out of him and not letting him put some fingers up my cooch,” Ningning spoke up, shrugging her shoulders. 

“Well I did slap him across his face,” you nonchalantly throw out. “You did what?” Sunoo said, raising an eyebrow genuinely interested. You roll your eyes at him. 

“So… did you even get his number to like… you know talk about all of… this,” Karina asked. She just wanted the best for you but you just alway seem to dig yourself into the biggest holes known to man. You let out a chuckle.

“About that… no…,” you muttered out. Karina picks up the nearest plush she saw that was on your floor and throws it at your head. “You are so stupid sometimes, you know that right Y/n?” she tiredly said. If she gets the chance to ever see Heeseung, she made a mental note to have a long talk with him. He could not get away with these shenanigans, she did not care how much he meant to you. 

“Oh yeah… and he’s going to be attending Decelis–,” this time it was Ningning throwing a plush at you, interrupting your nonsense. “It just keeps getting better and better!” Sunoo sarcastically lets out.

Sighing you felt exhausted, mentally and physically. This whole situation makes you want to pull your hair out of your head. But before forgetting, the thought of the barbeque comes to your mind. “Also, his family is hosting a BBQ this weekend, they said I could invite you guys– but only if you were interested!” you hurriedly finished the last part, worried they were going to throw anything else at you. Ningning and Sunoo shoot up from their seats. 

“Def def def going! If he’s as cute as y’all make him to be, he’s bound to have even cuter friends to invite,” Ningning giggles, fantasizing about the potential boys Heeseung could be inviting. “Maybe they’re gonna be going to DU too~,” the bubbly girl sings. You all roll your eyes at her. She has always been a hopeless romantic.

“I’m just nosy and I’d love to see how this all plays out,” Sunoo lets out, Ningning agreeing with him also. You all turned to Karina, she seemed indifferent.

“So Rina bear… do you want to come too? I’m making my tiramisu for the occasion~,” her face lights up, you can see the twinkle in her eyes. “Okay, but… I can’t promise i”ll behave,” she said, crossing her arms, sticking her tongue out at you. You jump up with joy, jumping onto them and onto the floor, pulling them all into a tight group hug.

“I love you guys so much, now let’s go get ice cream or something, I'm craving something sweet!” You excitedly exclaim. Sunoo snickers. “Yeah Heeseung already gave you something sweet last nigh–OW!” you smack the back of his head before he could even finish his sentence. With that, you all get up, making your way outside and to Sunoo’s car. 

“Alright, where are we heading?” Sunoo asks you guys. Ningning speaks up from the backseat. “Ooh, to that taiyaki ice cream place, you know, the one past the basketball court down there!” Everyone agrees as Sunoo pulls out of his driveway. 

Unbeknownst to all of you, Heeseung has been at the basketball court since the morning, playing some rounds with his friends. As Sunoo drives down the road, he suddenly lets out a gasp, slowing his car down.

“OH EM GEE… Y/n is that Heeseung?” He asked, pointing his finger towards the basketball court. “Oh em gee, WHERE?” Ningning yells, rolling her window down, Sunoo does the same. 

There Heeseung was, in a simple baggy white tee and gray sweatpants. “Wow Y/n… he’s so hot,” Ningning gasps. “And so are his friends! If those are the ones going to the BBQ, I call dibs on the blond one, he looks like a puppy,” she finishes. 

“Fuck are they looking at us?” Karina asked, her eyes bulging out of her face. Your face heats up, there Heeseung was, stopped in his tracks, eyebrow cocked as he makes eye contact with you through Sunoo’s car. You wanted to jump out of the car and run away. All of his friends were staring back, looking to see what had caught their friend’s eye. 

Of course they were, Sunoo and Ningning were not helping the situation. Who wouldn’t notice a bright red car, slowly driving down a quiet street as some weirdos stare at them from inside. To your surprise, Ningning catches the attention of the blond one, giggling as she winked, blowing him a kiss, he winks back at her. Karina pulls her back from the window, smacking her upside her head as she rolls the window back up. 

Sunken down onto your seat, the embarrassment was eating away at you as you oh so desperately wanted to throw up all over the interior of Sunoo’s car. You groan, covering your face, your friends really had to make things even weirder for you. Sunoo steps on the gas as he tries to get you guys out of this awkward situation ASAP. He couldn’t help but laugh at the way you looked in the passenger seat next to him. You ignore him, pulling your phone out to scroll through whatever social media app your finger clicked first. An instagram notification catches your eye.

“heesoswag1015” wants to send you a message!

You click on the notification, leading you to your requests box. Your heart is still racing, you click the accept button. The color drains from your face.

heesoswag1015: stalker much?

heesoswag1015: anyways my friend jake told me to tell u that your friend is really hot

heesoswag1015: and that you’re really fucking weird 

You were definitely not looking forward to the weekend.

© enwrites // tumblr

[ynsvnte]

Haunt me — Sim Jaeyun

pairing: agent!Jake x nurse!reader — genre: angst, some fluff, drabble — Synopsis: Who knew how would it be without his love.. thinking back to the event how he lost his only love. His last love. His forever love.

word count: 1.1k

warnings: mcd (main character death) death, blood, crying, pet names, bittersweet ending

Masterlist

recommend listening to “To get better” by Wasia Project while reading!

“Will I die..?”

Those words haunted him.. it’s been 826 days. 2 years, 3 months and 6 days.. those exact 3 words never left his mind. It became a part of him. He promised.. promised to.. be with you..till the end. As he still grieves with your loss.. he tries to recover but that seems impossible.

“No I won’t let that happen trust me.. I’ll make sure you’ll live..” you let out a sob of pain.. the pain of leaving him.. and also the pain you’re in now. “Jake but..-“

“No.. don’t finish it..” He shuts his eyes.. your blood on his hands as he tries to stop it. He couldn’t lose you. Without you he’ll be lost. He wanted to keep living for you. Even with the ups and downs of your relationship.. although you both weren’t actually together.

You cough out blood. Losing consciousness each second passing by. “Jake just so you know..”

“Stop.. you're not dying..” you reach your hand and place it on top of his while you lay on the ground. “Jake.. I love you.. so much..” you say weakly. “Please stop.. I’ll get help soon..” his vision starts getting more blurry. He couldn’t lose you now.

“I don’t want to die.. please..” you begged. “Love.. I promise.. promise once we’re both out of here.. we’ll move away for a new fresh start. None of this dirty work…” You smiled at the thought, the thought of paradise where no restrictions could stop you both. Your love was too strong. Jake’s gaze softened. Your smile was so beautiful, pretty.

His pretty girl.

“What if I do di-“ you started he didn’t want to hear any what if’s good or bad. The thought of losing you scared him to death. He dealt with many losses but this one. This one may be the worst. “I won’t let that happen.. Please just keep looking at me. Don’t think..” He didn’t want to cry not when you were on the verge of losing your life

Your sobs quiet down a bit. Slowly trying to breathe at a normal pace. You hold Jake’s hands in yours. This may be the last time. Who knows. Jake took one hand and smiled at you. He smiles, becoming weaker and weaker. The cold feeling against his skin. You have a gunshot wound.. He tried to distract you from it. Despite his own injuries. Jake picks you up, noticing you losing your consciousness a bit, but still breathing. He starts walking towards the exit. You both were so close. Until a stupid bastard decides to shoot you before fleeing.

Each step took too much effort. Exhausted reaching him. Jake pushes through. You weren’t going to die. You were going to live and move far away from this country and live a happy life. Your skin is getting colder and colder and even pale. He didn’t want to lose hope.

—

“You know you're the only person I really opened up to..” you spoke while taking a sip of your coffee. Jake stared at you in surprise. He felt his heart start racing. Was he gaining feelings?

—

“Why..? Why did you trust him? I loved you. To even think of giving up my long life dream to stay here with you!!” You yelled tears down your face.

“No it’s not that he had documents that proved—“ “Prove what! Jake.. I’m leaving. I can't be in this mess any more.” Jake stayed silent. “No you’re not leaving” you sighed in frustration, tears streaming down your face. 

“I trusted you! And yet here you are.. betraying me.. Jake those papers are fake. I never worked for those people.”

—

The memories of how you got here flooded his mind. Jake pushes the door open. But it wouldn’t budge open. For fucks sakes hurry up. “Open this fucking door.” He was losing his cool each second with your life on the line. He had to hurry. Once the door finally opens he rushes through.

“You're here..” he says as he sees the team's doctor.. he sets your body onto the ground.. “Hurry up save her..” he demanded he was going to get you back. The doctor was startled. But quickly acted fast on saving you.

And 2 hours passed. He was getting anxious as he waited outside of the truck. Were you alive..? And finally once the back door opens the doctor steps out. Silence. “How’s she..?” He felt his gut twist. “I-I’m sorry..”

Jake could feel his heart crack. Bleeding out. Not you. Why you! He promised to keep you alive, but it was far too late. “What do you mean.. she still had a pulse when we got here.. how did she—“ He was in rage. History repeats itself. His life was always shitty and it just kept getting worse. Too much happened in one night.

“I don’t believe you.” He was in denial. He walked towards the doctor before he grabbed him by the collar of his shirt. “Why didn’t you try hard enough?” The doctor pushes him off. “I did!.. She lost too much blood.

And here he was now.. sat down right here.. staring at your face. You always looked so beautiful. His heart is still beating for you. He visited you everyday. Never missing a day. The memories always came back whenever he was here. How he could’ve been quicker, how he could’ve stopped you from getting there in the first place.

He shakes.. tears threatening to come out. He lets go. Letting his emotion take over. He was a weak man when it came to you. You had that affect.

I miss you each day.. wishing I would wake up and the first thing I see is you. I miss the days where I would go to work and see you. The highlight of my day.

You, my love made me feel another way no else could make me feel. I love you. I fell hard for you. Even with my rough past. You managed to get past my guard, tearing it apart.

I will never let you go.. my love.. my pretty girl. You’re the reason why I live today.

To see you here laying in peace. No parasites to harm you. No one will harm you. I wish I told you how much I loved you. I had many chances, but it’s far too late. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. Don’t forget that. Now sleep peacefully love.

Jake sets the flowers down on your grave, smiling. He strokes your headstone, staring at your photo. He places a kiss on it. He gets up before walking away. Tomorrow he’ll see you again, and again, and again, and again, and again…

Author’s note: So hey.. I made this after reading sinful on wattpad by tanyasapple it’s actually a Leon book but I made into a Jake drabble. I sobbed while reading it. It’s inspired by its recent update (chapter 34) Soo angst bc I’m in that mood.

© ynsvnte copyright 2024

[1-have-no-idea]

as long as you’re next to me, just the two of us,

Character(s): Rex, reader

Genre: angst, comfort, romance

Overview: Order 66 took everything from everyone, and it took you from Rex. You were lost, but Rex knew you were still out there, and he wouldn’t stop trying until he found you and you were in his arms once again.

Warning(s): Just really angsty, but it ends in a comforting note-, brief language (in Mando’a and basic)

1389 words

———————————————————————————

Order 66 ruined everything. Everyone knows that. It ruined relationships, tore loved ones away… for the clones, Order 66 took away everything they’ve ever known. The Republic? Broken. Corrupted. Known as the Empire, now. Their generals? Their Jedi? They’re gone. Most dead, others in hiding. Their brothers? Well, they were scattered across the galaxy. Some dead, others traitors, others not even the same. They lost everything. Rex lost everything. Once a captain of many and a trusted friend, now in his lonesome and in hiding. But do you know what else he lost that almost all clones didn’t have?

Rex lost you.

His love. His angel. His life. His woman. His cyar’ika.

And kriff, did he miss you. Words could not explain the anguish he had felt when the order was released, when he was aware once again and remembered you were out there, somewhere. Without him, his protection, by yourself… Rex could only pray to whatever higher being there was in this god-forsaken galaxy that you were safe, that maybe you were hiding like him. If you weren’t, then Rex… Rex didn’t like to think about that. But he knew you were out there. Somewhere, across the stars, somewhere in this vast galaxy.

And by the Maker, he would find you. Even if it cost him his life. He would find you.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

“Cyar’ika…”

Rex held his comm to his mouth as he spoke, slumped against the wall. It had been a couple of weeks since he had gone into hiding. He believed it had been maybe three? There’s twenty-one days in three weeks. There’s twenty-four hours in a day. At least on this planet. He would call at least every ten hours. That’s two calls every day. That’s forty-two missed calls.

“I just wanted to see how my girl’s doin’.” He elaborated, a bittersweet smile on his lips as he sat in the slowly brightening alley. “I’m getting by. Just surviving, right now. None of my brothers recognize me. The imperials are always lurking around every corner. I can finally relate to how the Jedi feel. These cloaks weren’t ever really meant for someone like me.” He continued, a little humorless laugh escaping him, trying to lighten the mood. He didn’t know why, you weren’t even on the call. He just wanted to leave a message. He just wanted you to know he was still up and kicking, because he was a stubborn bastard who refused to die.

“These times are hard, I know, mesh’la, but you just are gonna have to hang on tight for me, yeah? I’m coming. I’m gonna find you. I promise you that.” And Maker, he tried to keep that waver out of his voice, but he was really tired right now. He was just… he was really tired. He closed his eyes, bringing a gloved hand up and scrubbing at his worn face, before speaking again. “I miss you. A lot. But I know you’re out there, somewhere, and I swear to the Force, sweet girl, I will find you and we’ll be together again.” He declared with determination, jaw clenching as he promised those words to you. “S’just me and you against the galaxy, Name. Just me and you against the galaxy.” He breathed out, before looking around the alley, hearing the heavy footfall of the imperial’s boots and the marching of his brothers. Ah. It was time. Taking a deep breath in, he sighed through his nose before whispering to you one last time before hanging up.

“Ni kar’tayl gar darasuum, cyare.”

Forty-three missed calls.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

It was warm.

Really warm.

Soft hands moved to cradle Rex’s face, thumbs smoothing out the captain’s worry lines and the furrow of his brow. Then soft lips pressed against it. A hushed whisper, then two—

‘Five more minutes, love. We’re on vacation,’

‘Baby, I have to make breakfast,’

And he’d kiss you to shut you up, hold onto you a little longer and you both would fall back asleep while being embraced. He would’ve held on longer and tighter if he knew it’d come to this. He would’ve held on so tight, that maybe you’d be with him now.

The clone woke up in a confused daze, blinking the blurriness out of his eyes as he looked around for you— oh. He was alone in a bed meant for two. It was just a dream. You weren’t really here. You were still gone. That realization made Rex want to sob. His heart fell to his stomach, and it felt as if his own soul had been torn out of his body. He felt so hollow. Where are you, my sweet girl?

Slowly, sluggishly, Rex moved to grab one of the pillows on the other side of the bed, before tugging it to him. His arms circled around the inanimate object, face burying into it as he hugged it to him. The pillow was cold. You would’ve been warm. And if you weren’t, he would’ve warmed you up. You were more firm. Something that he could feel, because you’d be breathing and he would’ve heard your soft snores. This pillow wasn’t you. It wasn’t. It was an inanimate object. Not you.

…so why was he trying to pretend it was?

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

It had been months. Months, now. And yet Rex had never stopped looking.

He was still in hiding, though. Had been for too long. Well, he was. Now he was currently trying to help Echo find more clones and bring them in to join the Rebellion, or to at least give them a life that they wanted. Currently, however, he was being chased down by a bunch of imperials who happened to spot him. He swerved into another alley, before jumping over a bunch of boxes that were being shipped out to another planet.

In the adrenaline rush of that moment, he failed to notice the person who was hiding behind those boxes, and crashed into them before tumbling to the ground with them. A cry of pain left the other, and Rex groaned, about to rush off before glancing at the other. He bit his lip in conflict, before moving towards them and extending a hand. “I’m sorry. Are you okay?” He asked, noticing how the person wasn’t an imperial. Or so he thought. He was being reckless right now.

Until they took his hand and looked up at him.

Oh. Oh.

“Name–” “Rex–?”

It was you. It was really you. More exhausted and burnt out looking, but so was he. Your hair had gotten longer. You had dark circles, but you looked absolutely beautiful to him. Rex’s mouth dropped as he struggled to make words, before something akin to a choked sob left him and he crashed into him, and didn’t you respond with just as much enthusiasm. Your arms immediately wrapped around his shoulders and you gasped, one hand cradling the back of his head. His arms wrapped around your waist, his hands scrambling to hold at the back of your shirt while he embraced you, finally remembering what you felt like in his arms. “Oh, Maker–” he gasped out, pulling away to cup your face in his hands, gasping like he didn’t know how to breathe. “I found you– I’ve finally found you–”

“I- I thought you and your brothers–” you stammered, and he shook his head. “Chips— we have chips, I got mine removed, I just–” he cut himself off, before slamming his lips to yours. Conveying his worry, his fear, his determination, his longing, how he missed you, how much he loved you, you responded eagerly, holding the back of his head, before the two of you parted, breathless laughs leaving you. Rex grinned, tears in his eyes as he held you. “Oh, how I’ve missed that,” he commented, and you smiled. “I’ve missed you,” you responded, and Rex was about to reply until he remembered that you two were running.

Helping you up, he held your hand, and for once, he felt whole again. “C’mon, cyar’ika. Us against the galaxy. Just the two of us.” He murmured, and you nodded. “You can say that again.” You sighed out. You could cry and love in private later. But right now? You had to run, once again. This time together.

“Ni kar’tayl gar darasuum, cyare.”

“I love you too, Rex.”

[tadpolesonalgae]

Up The Junction

ModernYA!Azriel x reader

a/n: set circa 2008, England :) also, this is heavily inspired by Up The Junction by Squeeze if you want to give that a cheeky listen 🧡💛

warnings: angst, smut -> pregnancy, slightly bittersweet ending but I think they’re happy :)

Word count: 7,194

——————————————————————————————————————————————

“Will you marry me?”

Your jaw drops open, hands flying to your mouth as you nearly stumble back a step.

He’s down on one knee, presenting a slim, golden band in a simple velvet box, hazel eyes intent and nervous. Slightly jittery as his chest rises and falls.

Your lower lip wobbles, vision blurring, small sobs already wracking your chest. He waits patiently, anxiously, as you try to get the words out, pushing tears away, wiping your nose as you sniffle.

“Yes…!” You cry. “Yes! A thousand times yes!”

Relief sweeps through his body, and he’s wrapping you up in his arms, raising you into the air as he swings you around before lowering you again to the floor, pulling you tight. You cry harder, trying to wipe your nose on the scratchy cuff of your navy jumper, thankful you’d decided to put that wash on a few days ago.

“I promise I’ll be good to you,” he murmurs, voice thick with emotion, and you squeeze into him tighter. “You won’t regret it,” he swears, managing to pull away long enough to cup your jaw, pressing a kiss to your tear-stained cheek. “I’d never regret it,” you mumble out, still sobbing heavily, trembling with happiness and that rush of joy. Your whole lives together. That feeling of wanting it to be always; forever—requited.

“I’ll be a good husband to you,” he murmurs thickly, gently holding your hand in his larger one, pulling away long enough to slide the thin band around your ring finger.

Fresh tears drip down your cheeks as you raise it up to the watery sunlight, crying at what it symbolises. “I’ll make a good wife, Az,” you manage, turning to look at him with a wide, wobbly smile on your lips. “We’ll make this work. Together.”

Hazel eyes gleam, able to see your reflection in their glassy surface as he nods, still holding you close. “Together.”

—

You’d moved in together after college, happy and engaged, feeling on top of the world. Like nothing could get you down.

You were going to spend your lives together, how could you ever be sad?

It was tricky in places, but you’d found someone renting their garage, a basement attached, fully equipped with a bathroom, working plumbing, and an in-built kitchen. Sure, it was tight, but it was affordable, and most importantly, temporary. It was okay to start small, to build your way up to a family. Rome wasn’t built in a day, after all.

The basement was dingy, one small window in the far wall of the open-plan room, the bed pushed into the corner beneath it. A sink was along the other wall leading to the door, some counter space available along with a washing machine, hob, and oven. The fridge was kept at the far end of the raised surfaces, adjacent to the bed, squeezed in to fit.

The only slight problem was washing. The bathroom was tiny, the only private space in the basement, hidden behind a waterproof curtain in swimming-pool blue, containing a sink and toilet. No shower or bath. You’d have to hand wash.

But it was fine. The two of you couldn’t be happier living together, having your own space and privacy. A place to start building your home.

It took a while to get on your feet after graduation, but Az had managed to get a job in IT, working to keep things functioning at a local law firm, while you managed to snag a spot as a receptionist at a nearby motel. The hours were difficult, with your shifts constantly being moved around, sometimes working double over a day, sometimes called to be in overnight, switching out at two in the morning to make your way back to the cramped basement.

Azriel’s hours were set, but they were long and tiring, often he would get back exhausted, having to explain the same thing over and over to big-wigs who couldn’t care less about how specialised he was in his area of expertise.

A year later, and you’d gathered enough savings to buy a computer, so Az would be able to work from home in the events of…something happening.

That talk had been had late one night, after he’d gotten back from his shift and you were headed out for your own, how it might be a good idea to start thinking about what the future will hold. Who else might be joining your lives. The conversation had ended with a giddy smile on your face, Az’s eyes practically glowing with happiness, the dimple at the edge of his mouth making its rare appearance at the possibility of a future baby.

And now that safety net was in place, the hunky piece of equipment having taken up a valuable spot of counter space, a bar stool bought so he’d be able to work.

You’d become more relaxed after that. A air of electricity between you, charged and excited, yet neither of you dared address that elephant in the room. The shared desire neither of you had the courage to yet voice. Confined to the dark hours where naked bodies would press together, and he’d go slower, rolling his hips deeper, more tenderly that you were accustomed to, but you didn’t care. All that mattered was you were together, together and in love. So intense it was like wildfire.

The first time that subject had been broached was entirely accidental. He’d been kissing down your throat, your nipples sore from the attention of his touch and teeth, hands gripping your hips firmly with your thighs spread apart. You’d both been so near that edge, shared heat passing between you when he’d brushed a spot inside of you, having you squeeze him so deliciously.

“Fuck,” he’d panted, skin flushed with colour, inky hair flopping over his brow, swept across to one side, curling at its ends from sweat. “So fucking good,” he’d praised, bucking his hips, angling so he’d hit that spot again. “Gonna knock you up. Fill you to the brim.” The orgasm had found you right then and there, crying out as you came, fluttering around him, mumbling how badly you wanted him to take the condom off, to finish inside of you.

It had been the morning after the two of you had finally sat down and discussed those secret thoughts, all you’d needed was the others confirmation, and you were ready. It could take a while to conceive, and you wanted to take action before your fertility began decreasing, chances slipping away.

The process had been draining, with you taking a test each month, wondering if that time would be different, if maybe this time he’d taken root inside of you, instead of your cycle being late. But the cramps started again and again, kicking in a mere few days after you having taken the test, as if to spite you. And each time he’d comfort you, wrapping you in his arms when you opened the the small curtain, shaking your head sadly, with him reminding you there’s still time. You’re in no hurry to conceive; this is why it was good you’d started early. You had more leeway.

But then it had been two years since you’d initially gotten engaged, and still no signs of life.

It wasn’t as if he was lacking either. He was thorough in his attention, making sure to keep his hips pressed tight with your own in the minutes after you’d both found completion, keeping release tucked away inside of you.

Slowly, you began worrying—if it wasn’t him, it had to be you.

So you’d made an appointment, searching for any kind of sign to continue trying. There’s be no point if you really were infertile. What could you do then? How could you build a family if your body was wrecked irreparably. But there had been nothing wrong with you that the doctor could find, so you’d gone home, lost and confused. Why wasn’t anything happening?

Azriel had suggested maybe it was hormones—neither of you could deny you were stressing over the lack of development. You weren’t seeing friends as frequently anymore either. In fact, it had been weeks since you’d last hung out with anyone other than your fiancé, so a trip had been arranged. It had been messy, with constantly changing plans, but eventually you settled on a day. Az, Rhys, Cass, and Nesta would be heading to the theatres, while you, Feyre, and Elain spent a girls day together—likely shopping, listening to music, preparing a dinner for when the others returned.

Your own plans aside, most of the confusion had centred on Az’s end, struggling to find a film they’d all be happy to watch. The decisions had been so tiring and seemingly so endless they’d decided to split and see two separate ones instead—much to Cassian’s grumpiness. Az and Rhys would get to see The Dark Knight—a movie you know he’s secretly been desperate to see ever since the villain’s actor’s unfortunate passing earlier that year. Meanwhile Nesta would be dragging her boyfriend to a film adaptation of a book series she’d been subtly obsessed with for years—Twilight.

The day came, and you had kissed your fiancé on the cheek before heading out, making your way to the bus stop to take you to Feyre and Rhys’ place, where the three of you would be spending most of your time. It had been good getting to see the two of them again. It almost felt like you were back in college, chatting away in the cafeteria, slouched on sofas while the radio blasted out whatever was in the charts.

All three of you had gotten into their truck, Elain the only one with a licence so she took the wheel while driving you to the shopping centre. It was all so exciting! It really had been so long since you’d done something like this, having taken out some money beforehand as a precaution, in case you saw something you really liked. Az had insisted, despite the tight budget you managed to make work.

Elain had grabbed a large ceramic mug, small flowers growing up the sides, while you and Feyre had taken an interest in a pretty pair of ruby red heels, the silver buckle contrasting with the popping colour. There was no way you’d be able to afford them, but it didn’t stop you from dreaming, nor did it stop you from encouraging Feyre to buy them, seeing how her eyes twinkled, her mouth pulling up into a wide smile as you spoke about what to wear with them.

Eventually though, the two of you had left the storefront, finished ogling, Feyre having ultimately decided to leave them be. You couldn’t help feel she knew you wanted them, but were unable to buy them, choosing to move on and pick something else—a matching mug with her sister, insisting on grabbing another for you and a forth for their older sister. If it hadn’t been for the black mug with a howling wolf on the side they’d insisted on getting for Nesta, you wouldn’t have accepted their gift. Though that’s likely why they did it in the first place.

The day came and went, cheeks aching from smiling all day, your new mug kept in your bag, precious and exciting, your heart skipping each time you subtly peeked down to catch a gleam of the glazed surface.

Az, Rhys, Cass, and Nesta had gotten back later as you’d anticipated, and while she made no explicit comment about the film, she’d had an excited air about her, Cassian keeping his arm wrapped around her the rest of the night. Az had given you a happy smile, dropping a kiss to your forehead, asking how your day went, and you’d mentioned the heels before you’d proudly shown him the mug in the privacy of the hallway of Rhys and Feyre’s home. Carefully leaving out the gift part. It had been an act of kindness on their end, and you knew Az would insist on paying one of them back if he knew, so you kept it as your secret.

—

Life resumed its normal pace, but you were feeling happier, more uplifted since having gotten out of the cramped and slightly smelly basement, spirits raised from spending a day with your friends.

And then a few months later, you’d missed your cycle.

You’d hardly dared hope, having rushed to a nearby pharmacy to purchase three tests, shakily handing over the money before hurrying home and drawing the swimming-pool shower curtain to a close to give yourself some privacy.

Az had gotten back a while later, calling out for you as soon as he’d stepped foot in the basement, but had been greeted with silence. Then quiet sobs coming from the bathroom.

You remember it so clearly. How he’d hurriedly strode over to the small washroom, calling out for you, making sure you were okay, concern heavy in his voice. It had been then you’d appeared, a positive pregnancy test held preciously between shaky fingers.

“You’re—…” His eyes had started gleaming then, hot and wet, and he’d wrapped you up in his arms, your feet raising off the ground and he lifted you up, your hands locking over his shoulders as you’d managed a tearful nod. “It’s happening, Az,” you’d cried softly, sniffling, wiping your nose on the worn sleeve of your top. “We’re going to have a baby. It’s really happening.”

He’d squeezed you tighter, before setting you down on the floor, hands lightly gripping your upper arms as you pushed wetness from your cheeks. You hadn’t cried like this since your engagement.

“And you’re sure this is what you want?” He’d asked, brows curved as he searched your face. “You’re happy with this?”

A fresh wave of tears had started all over again, a croaky laugh creaking from your throat as you’d nodded. “Over the moon, Az.”

—

The pace had changed all over again, and you’d noticed how he kept the fridge fully stocked, even if it strained on your budget. More expensive foods had made their appearance, no longer cheaping out to scrape by. If you were eating for two, Az had reasoned, he wanted you to be as well-fed as possible. A good diet was important, and you needed more than pasta with the occasional vegetable cooked in.

It wasn’t soon after that you’d noticed the coffee smell fading from his shirts, becoming fainter and fainter after each big clean. When you’d brought it up to him however, he hadn’t minded, reasoning he’d been needing to drink less of it anyway, and now was as good a time as any to start waning off it.

Parenting books had begun cropping up around the place, briefly making an appearance beside his robust computer before being read thoroughly, and returned to the library, moving onto the next one. You couldn’t help how your lips tugged upward at the edges each time a new title appeared, glancing down at your stomach, no noticeable bump yet showing. Though that never stopped either of you from laying hands over your abdomen, pressing close, treasuring the gift.

You’d told your parents, and Az had broken the news to your friends, and you couldn’t have been happier. Finally, three years into your engagement, things were coming together. Hard work paying off.

He’d been trying to get you to rest more often, but you knew you couldn’t afford to take time off before your maternity leave started. Money was still tight, and you savoured every cheque you received, steadily adding to your savings pound by pound. You knew Az had been working overtime more often, taking every chance he could to bring in some extra cash—every little counted now, and you both knew it.

The evenings you had alone together grew further and further apart though, and while you tried not to fret, you missed spending time with him. Eating together, lounging atop a lumpy mattress before sleep, one of you washing the dishes while the other dried and put away.

But routine had shifted: more frequently you would cook, eat supper, and leave his in the oven to keep it warm for when he eventually made it back. It wasn’t everything, but physical intimacies were rarer too, having a few minutes of conversation and hugging, before he was passed out. In those moments guilt weighted in your gut—he was working himself to the bone, the slight darkness he’d always had beneath his eyes becoming more pronounced as the weeks had worn on.

At one point you’d begun timing your schedule with Feyre’s, catching the bus over to her place whenever she had a gap in her shifts—usually a Wednesday, sometimes a Thursday. Weekends had still been precious though, when Az would be back by five instead of ten or eleven, and Sundays when he wouldn’t be working at all.

Between chatting about your lives, future plans, where you’d like to go on holiday to, the topic pf your baby had come up. It had been a surreal experience, but you’d crumbled a little, admitting how much you were missing him. Feyre had sat quietly and listened to every confession, nursing her tea, contained in one of the matching mugs.

“He isn’t around as much, Fey,” you manage, peering into your tea, tucked up on one of her sofas. “He’s running himself ragged, and I don’t know what to do. It’s dark when he leaves and it’s dark when he returns. He leaves early and comes home late, and I know we…it’s difficult…but I need him,” you admit softly. “I need him to be around, so we can do this together.”

Tears had splashed into your tea then, and you’d both discarded your mugs as she’d shuffled closer, arms wrapping around you as you’d cried into the soft cashmere of her jumper. “Am I being selfish?” You’d mumbled out, throat aching from how you were trying to be quiet. “I know he’s doing it for us, but, I just…”

“You aren’t selfish,” she’d whispered, hand stroking up and down over your back. “It’s difficult, like you said. But it will pass, remember? It’s a difficult patch in your life, but you have to trust it will pass. Things will get better.”

You’d sniffled, nodding into her shoulder, pulling back to dry your teary eyes. Guilt tightening around your throat, constricting across your chest as you felt your heart throb with strain.

“You can always come round here, too,” she’d reminded gently. “If you need to get out, I can move some things around, okay? You’re not alone. I know you’re head over heels for one another, but you’ve got us, too. Whenever you need us.”

The sobs had started afresh, but you managed a wobbly smile, playing with the golden band on your finger—an anxious habit you’d fallen into.

“Thanks, Fey.”

—

Christmas had rolled around, and it was the first time in months—years—you’d all been in the same place at once.

Mor had made it back from the states, Amren joining her on the trip back to meet up with everyone and celebrate.

Rhys and Feyre had hosted, and you couldn’t help but hope this would become a tradition of sorts. You’d missed them all acutely, easy days of college long in the past.

You’d all chipped in one way or another, and an agreement had been made to not do presents all around this year. Just spending time with another, with gifts permitted to be exchanged between couples.

The night had started, and straight off the bat you’d noticed the absence of any sort of alcohol, the sharp scent surprisingly noticeable in its absence, and your heart warmed at the thoughtfulness. You kept tight to Az most of the night, treasuring the minutes you spent together with him, and from the way his arm remained around you in some way, you got an inkling the distance might have been waring on him, too. More than you had thought.

Food was put together, and you’d taken the time to appreciate the scents, how much there was to consume—there’d definitely be leftovers. Pudding was brought out, non-alcoholic fruit cake, as well as some biscuits and other little treats.

Then the small gifts made their appearance, and you’d handed Az the small parcel you’d snuck into your bag earlier that night. He’d given an inquisitive look, a suspicious smile curving his mouth, but you’d grinned, nodding your head for him to hurry up and open it. His brows had risen in surprise when he saw the small guitar picks inside, coloured black, blue, and grey, then one with a flaming skull on.

Hazel had practically glowed as he’d smiled, pulling you tight, pressing a kiss to the crown of your head. There hadn’t been much time for him to play in recent years, but you’d noticed how his eyes would sometimes flick to the discarded instrument, kept sealed away, leaned against the grey walls of the basement.

“Thank you,” he’d murmured, pulling away to look at you, before pressing another kiss to your forehead. “I hope you get more time to play this year,” you’d whispered back, hands greedily taking in his heat, memorising his feel while you had the chance.

His throat had rolled, then he’d stepped away, pulling something out from his pocket. “It’s not as good as yours,” he’d admitted thickly, almost nervously, “but I thought you might like it.”

You’d cocked your head, holding your palm out when he’d extended his closed fist, dropping something into your hand. It had been a small bracelet, and a smile had curved your lips when you’d noticed the slightly shoddy clasps, stray thread hanging out on one side. Along the string were some small square beads, the type with letters on you could purchase at a craft store, and you held the bracelet up to read the tiny name he’d spelled out.

“Mama bear?” You read aloud, eyes gleaming with heat as your mouth had stretched wide, a grin broadening your lips as you had beamed up at your fiancé with unabashed adoration. A relieved smile had played on his mouth then, nodding his head, affection clear on his features. “For the strongest person I know,” he’d whispered, hazel eyes soft at the edges.

You’d laughed then, shaking your head, but he’d kept that smile on his mouth, like he could see something you couldn’t, until you’d lightly patted him on his arm, telling him to stop spewing nonsense.

A gasp had drawn your attention away from him, turning to see Feyre opening what looked like a neatly wrapped shoe box, and you could make out the shock on her face. Your smile had broadened, happy she’s happy—Rhys was usually good when getting her presents, a twinge of joy that she’s also found someone who cared so deeply for her.

“What d’you get?” You’d asked, keeping tucked into Az’s side.

Panicked eyes had flitted to you before she covered it up, smiling as she shook her head, as if to say ‘oh, Rhysand’. But then you’d moved forward to see what he’d found for her, and you spotted those ruby heels in the box. Silver buckle gleaming beneath the kitchen lights.

Feyre had stiffened, but a smile had broken across your features, hugging her excitedly. “I’m so happy for you!” You’d whispered as you’d embraced, squeezing her tight and you felt as she began relaxing. Her arms had tentatively squeezed you back, leaning into you. “Thank you,” she’d murmured, before you’d both pulled away, Feyre glancing at your smiling face before reflecting the expression.

She’d pulled back after that, and you’d returned to Az’s side as you watched Feyre hug and kiss Rhys, how he’d smiled like he was the luckiest man in the world, and you couldn’t help the warmth that had spread across your face. You’d glanced up at Az, but his expression was unreadable, hazel eyes watching them intently. The open box on the table.

You’d nudged his side, linking your hand with his, guiding his attention back to you. “Want to get out of here?” You’d whispered, grinning, free palm over your abdomen. He’d swallowed thickly, but pulled together a faint smile, nodding.

The ride home had been quiet. Unusually so.

But sometimes he liked his peace, so you’d been happy to play with the bracelet around your wrist, smiling as you‘d looked out of the window into the dark streets outside.

“Those were the shoes you’d mentioned, weren’t they?” He’d asked into the silence.

You’d stiffened, fingers stuttering over the beads, turning to look at him, but he’d been staring ahead. “They wouldn’t have suited me anyway,” you’d said quietly, trying to push some humour into your voice to comfort him. “When would I have even worn them?”

In the low light you could make out how his jaw had worked. “They were.”

You’d lowered your head, peering down at the bracelet he’d given you. “Yeah.”

There’d been a tense silence, then he’d sighed, running a hand through his hair. “One day,” he’d murmured heavily, nodding to himself. “One day.”

You’d looked at hime again after that, wanting to squeeze his hand. “Together,” you’d added, quietly.

—

Winter had been harsh, and the heating had shut off throughout the basement, though it had been fixed within the week.

You’d kept closer those seven nights, and you’d secretly enjoyed the apparent misfortune. He’d been more attentive during that week, making sure you were kept warm, covering you in various jackets, though neither of you could really afford something tough enough to keep the chill out. But it hadn’t mattered when you were lying together, your back pressed to his front, his arm around your waist, hand settled over the noticeable bump in your stomach.

To this day, you can still remember the first time you’d felt her kick.

How you’d been together in bed, on a cold Sunday morning, and you’d felt something. A few moments later you’d felt it again, and had nearly started crying, gripping for Az’s hand to guide it over your abdomen, excitement glowing in your eyes as your baby had kicked again.

Azriel had smiled wide then, a look of awe on his face, gazing at you before returning his attention to your stomach. You’d watched him then, how his face had lit up each time he’d felt a kick, and that giddiness had warmed you up.

Proud of the father he’d already begun to change into.

—

Eight months in, and morning sickness had been running you thin.

It hadn’t been every morning, but more often than not you’d wake, been allowed a few minutes of peace to enjoy with him, then nausea would be creeping up your throat. You’d give a resigned groan, before rolling (actually rolling) out of bed and wobbling to the toilet to throw up.

Azriel had been there for you at first, holding your hair out of your face, soothing your back, reminding how well you were handling the pregnancy, but as you began staying up later waiting for him to come home, with nothing to do throughout the day, you’d begun sleeping in too. He’d never wanted to wake you—wanting you to have as much rest as possible—so had quietly gotten up and headed off to work before the sun was up, letting you sleep in.

Consequently, you’d be alone through the morning sickness, heaving into the toilet bowl, legs trembling. Sometimes having to spend the first hour of your day changing the sheets after having vomited all over them.

It had been getting harder to cope, without him around. But you knew he was working hard—and you needed the money.

The strain hadn’t been helped when one evening he’d brought the bracelet up. You’d never taken it off, since without a shower or bath, there was no reason to, as a flannel could move around it.

“Did you wear that to work?” He’d asked, when you’d been laying on the bed while he washed and dried the dishes. You were too large to reach at this point, so it made more sense for him to do them. Sound reasoning you had detested as it was just more work for him to do while you lazed around, unable to help or contribute.

“Yup,” you’d replied, smiling again as you’d glanced down at the handmade gift. Your heart had always warmed whenever you read his little message, gradually allowing that possibility to take root. Maybe he really did think you were strong. Maybe you actually were. “Never take it off.”

He hadn’t looked at you as you had anticipated, no smile thrown over his shoulder as he’d continued washing the dishes.

Your brows had narrowed then, worry tightening your throat. “Why?”

Azriel had been silent for a bit, putting the plates away on the drying board. “And your work didn’t mind?” He’d asked. “They didn’t think it was unprofessional? Or distracting?”

“No,” you’d laughed quietly, “they thought it was a wonderful gift, and thoughtful. Nancy complimented it endlessly.” His posture had gone a little rigid, spine stiffening when he moved onto drying. “You showed it to everyone?” He’d asked quietly, and worry had hollowed out your ears. “It’s precious, Az,” you’d replied, “of course I did.”

He’d gone silent then, choosing to focus on rubbing off the water with the dish towel.

“Az?” You’d shifted on the bed, heaving yourself into a more upright position. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he’d replied lightly, carefully putting your special mug aside.

Your chest had tightened, and you’d swallowed thickly before setting your slightly swollen feet on the floor, walking to be beside him. “Az…” you’d murmured, hands wrapping over his forearm, pulling him to a halt as hazel eyes had at last swept over you, dark and exhausted. “Please talk to me,” you’d requested quietly, fingers linking with his damp ones. “What’s bothering you?”

Moments had ticked by, then his eyes had grown hot and wet, brows pulling together as tears had escaped down his cheek. “I’m sorry it was such a shit present,” he’d whispered, hands moving to grip yours when he’d turned to face you fully, crying. “I’m sorry I can’t do more for you. I should’ve gotten you something better, something you deserved.”

Your heart had ached painfully, struggling to keep your own tears at bay, as his head had lowered with shame, hands shaking lightly as he held onto you. He hadn’t needed to bring the shoes up for you to know that’s what it was about. His perceived insufficiency, and inability to care for you.

“Az, I…” You had cut yourself off, trying to choke down tears to comfort and reassure him. He was perfect, how could he ever feel like he wasn’t enough, when he was almost singlehandedly keeping all three of you together and looked after. “Az, I don’t care about presents,” you’d managed, “this?” —you’d nodded to the bracelet— “This I love, because you made it for me. Between all your work, and cooking, and caring, you found the time to make me something I could have on me at all times,” you’d said, tears dripping down your cheeks as you’d stared at one another.

“It’s so important to me, because of you,” you’d cried. “You do so much to look after us, working yourself to the bone… I love you, Az. You’re everything to me. The whole world and more.”

“You don’t—… You don’t regret it?” He’d managed thickly, keeping his hold on your hands. “Being with me?”

You’d shaken your head, trying to get the words out as your throat constricted. “No…no I don’t,” you’d cried, peering up at him. “A thousand times yes, remember?”

His brows had pulled together then, pain gleaming in that swirling cosmos of hazel as he nodded, breathing heavily, leaning over you as his arms had wrapped over your shoulders. You could feel his shudders, your hands gripping the back of his shirt—one of his favourites, a comfort item of sorts, with one of the bands he likes printed on the front.

“I love you, Az,” you’d whispered, shaking together. “I love you for you.”

—

Looking back, things had improved for a bit. Until he’d tried to give more of himself.

That had been when you’d begun crumbling.

He’d pushed himself harder, and had managed to get a part-time job in a car-repair shop, having already been familiar with the maths of engineering and having had a fascination with mechanics when he had been younger.

Just like that, the weekends had been taken too.

He’d leave for work before you woke, stop at six, then help out for a couple of hours after dark, returning when you were asleep. Saturdays and Sundays were no longer spent with him—he’d sold them off. Bargaining his time for your future.

He’d work all day, weekends the busiest as it was when folk with regular nine-to-five jobs would have the time to take their cars round for a checkup, or to be evaluated and told where to go if they were unable to fix the problem. You’d hardly seen him in that final, tiring month of pregnancy.

Would he stop once you gave birth? Somehow you’d begun to doubt it.

You’d admired his conviction, his drive and determination to see something through to the end, until it had ultimately taken him away from you. All when you’d most needed him. No amount of talking had been able to convince him otherwise, so set on being useful. On proving to himself he wasn’t insufficient—that he could look after you.

It had been then that you’d left him. Leaving a sticky note on the oven handle telling him you’d gone to Feyre’s, and that you’d needed space.

And he’d given it.

It hadn’t been unusual to chat through notes, but with his long working hours, you’d treasured the new form of communication. Reading and rereading each one he’d left, memorising his handwriting, the tiny hearts he’d added, or the lopsided smileys he’d doodled before heading out. But that hadn’t been enough for you, so you’d reached for help elsewhere.

A few days had gone by before the landline had rung, your fiancé having become too worried to leave silence for any longer, even if you had requested space. He couldn’t leave you like that.

Not soon after, you’d moved back in with your parents, and the guilt you’d felt when Rhys had offered to be the one to tell Az had nearly had your legs giving out. Shame so crushing you’d felt faint. Especially upon accepting.

God knew you wouldn’t have been able to handle that pressure of explaining it to him. Not when you had been on the verge of giving birth. It would have been any day then, and you’d been under enough stress you’d been worried for the health of the baby.

It had worked out in the end though.

—

The knocker thuds thrice against the hardwood door of your parents house, and you instinctively glance over to little Valerie, but she remains soundly asleep.

Your mother smiles as she passes by, heading for the door since you’re still struggling to walk after being discharged from the hospital on the condition that you rest.

You pull Val closer, wanting to keep her as nearby as possible, the pressure in your chest easing as you look over her, quiet and peaceful—for the moment, at least.

Minutes later your mother returns, a gentle look on her face. “It’s Azriel,” she says hesitantly. “Are you feeling up to speaking with him?” At his name alone you feel your eyes grow hot, but you push the feeling away, glancing down at Val. It’s been five days since you gave birth, and he’s yet to see his daughter in person. He deserves to meet her. So you nod.

Your mother watches silently for a little, before reciprocating the gesture. “Do you want to be alone?”

Your throat rolls, but you manage to answer, “yes…we’ll be okay.” She nods again, before turning to leave, “your father and I needed to get some more shopping in anyway—good a time as any, right?” You smile, before she disappears out of sight, and you breathe deeply, holding Val slightly closer, groaning as you straighten on the sofa.

Footsteps scuff in the hallway, and you brace yourself.

He’s messy tidy. Clearly having made an effort, but unable to conceal the circles beneath his eyes, the exhaustion on his features. Hair a little disheveled, likely from playing with it out of stress as you sometimes used to catch him doing.

“Hey,” you manage, pushing a faint smile to your lips.

Hazel eyes scan you carefully before settling on the bundle in your arms, unable to conceal the emotion that flashes through his face. His throat rolls, raising his gaze to yours. Licking his dry lips. “How are you?” He asks thickly, entering the living room, boots having been discarded at the door.

“Good,” you reply, hoarsely. “Still aching in places, but, you know…”

“Staying strong,” he finishes, voice slightly raw. He nods to himself, “you’ve always been good at that.”

There’s a pause in the conversation, and you look at one another.

Then tears are spilling out from both of you, and you’re trying to hold your sobs in to not disturb Val, while Azriel rubs at his face, trying to get himself under control.

“I’m sorry,” he breathes raggedly, “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have left you alone like that. I just—… I wanted to look after you. I want you to be secure—for us to be secure, but in doing so I left you all alone, and I’m so fucking sorry. I was so stupid.” You sniffle, wiping your nose while trying to dry your cheeks. “Az, it’s fine. I, I get it. You were just trying to—”

“It’s not fine,” he breathes rawly, hand over his face as he rubs his eyes. “You needed me, and I wan’t there. And I can’t make up for that time. Fuck, I shouldn’t have left you like that. I’m so sorry.”

“Az…” you cry softly, trying to cover Val’s ears so she doesn’t wake.

He looks at you, hazel eyes glassy and red rimmed as he tries to pull himself together, to recompose himself for you. “Can you…do you think you can forgive me? I swear I won’t— I’ll never make such a stupid mistake again.”

“Az,” you sob, “I get it. Fuck, it hurt that you left like that, but how can I be mad when you were doing it to look after us?” The tears drip down your face, breathing in wet gasps as you try to pull it back in, wiping away the tears. “Of course I…of course it was difficult, but it came from a good place, Az. I won’t fault you for trying to look after us. I just— I just wish this hadn’t happened now. During the pregnancy, I mean.”

Azriel swallows thickly, grief clear on his face, looking more wrecked than when he’d first entered. “I’ll be better,” he manages quietly, still stood near the doorway, not wanting to impose if you don’t want him there in that moment. His heart simultaneously fractures and heals when he spots that stupid bracelet still kept around your wrist. He wonders if you’ve taken it off since he gave it to you.

“Az…” you sigh, tears still hot on your cheeks, not wanting to say what you have to. He stiffens at the tone, and it feels like you’ve already told him, hazel eyes devastated.

“Az, I think…I need some time.”

He holds completely still, but you’re practically able to see the world falling apart around him.

“It’s not…I don’t think it’s forever, but…for now. I can’t go back there. Into the basement,” you manage, lower lip wobbling, tugging down at the corners. “I’m sorry.”

“What does that mean?” He asks quietly, hardly a whisper. “Are we…do you not want the ring anymore?”

You shake your head. “I don’t know Az,” you cry, “I need time to think about it all. To figure how to go forward.”

He manages a slight nod of his head, breathing shallowly, then his eyes dip to the baby in your arms. “Can I…can I hold her?” He asks, brows curved desperately.

You nod, sniffling again, managing a small smile. “Yes. Yes, you can,” you breathe, trying to shift to make room for him as he walks over, and you turn Val over to face him.

Azriel settles on the sofa beside you, and you revel in that familiar dip of cushion, deprived of his familiarity for so long. It’s a subconscious shift for both of you, how he’s turned slightly toward you on the sofa, with you leaning into him as he holds your baby with reverent care, wincing at how his hands confront her youth.

“You can’t see them at the moment, but she’s got your eyes,” you murmur, moving closer to him still, taking in his familiar scent, nestling into his body, aching to feel him at your side again.

“She’s perfect,” he whispers, eyes growing glassy, and your smile becomes real and alive again. “She’s in good health too. The doctor’s said she was born at the expected weight, and they had nothing to be concerned over so long as she’s taken care of,” you add, head leaning against his shoulder.

Azriel glances over to you, and your breath catches. The proximity at last returned, alone and together in peace. “You did so well,” he whispers, hazel eyes swirling with emotion. “I’m glad you think so,” you whisper back, fighting off tears.

You settle back into quiet, both of you watching as Val continues sleeping, her little face calm and void of disturbance.

Neither of you really know how you end up holding your baby again, tucked into Azriel’s lap with his arms wrapped around both of you. Your head rests on his shoulder, fast asleep with Val comfortably held between you, both her parents at her swaddled fingertips.

Azriel holds both of you close long after his legs go numb, relieved he hasn’t entirely messed things up. He can’t have, if you’re allowing this. Allowing him to see the baby you made together, even after you had to make her practically on your own.

His arm shifts, thumb swiping over the beads of your bracelet, doubting it knows a surface other than your skin. You held onto it through the uncertainty, through the turbulence he unknowingly subjected you to. Never again.

He’ll never leave you on your own again. Especially not now you share a child.

Azriel’s lips brush against your temple, dropping a long, soft kiss to your skin.

He’ll be better this time. For both of you.

——————————————————————————————————————————————

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az taglist: @azrielshadows1nger @jurdanpotter @positivewitch @nightcourt-daydreaming @assassinsblade @marvelouslovely-barnes @v3lv3tf0x @kalulakunundrum @vellichor01 @throneofsmut @vickykazuya

[marigold-hills]

June 28: cowboy | @wolfstarmicrofic | word count: 564

PREVIOUS PART • NEXT PART • FIRST PART

“I suppose we could just… apparate back to London,” James says, as they all stand on the train platform. Little first years running around excited for the summer holidays (and were they really that small, when they first started at Hogwarts? It didn’t seem possible).

“Would be quicker,” Peter agrees.

“The trunks would be a bit of a pain though,” their Moony, as always, voice of reason.

“No way,” Sirius, appalled, “it’s our last time. I want to buy my weight in candy and deface the walls of our compartment. Leave a mark: here were the Marauders, first of their name.”

“Poignant, Padfoot.”

“Have to leave a legacy.”

“I thought the Map was our legacy?”

“Can have more than one legacy, Wormy boy.”

“Right you are, Pads. Train it is then.”

“Prongs,” Moony asks as they’re levitating their belongings onto the train, “don’t you have Head Boy stuff to do anyway?”

A shrug, careless: “It’s not like they’ll put me in detention if I skip.”

“You’re incorrigible, Potter,” Lily chimes in from behind them, grabbing James by the arm and dragging him off with her. “Come on, we’ll get over with it quick and then I promise I’ll let you go back to your band of rascals.”

“Oi! That’s not what we’re called.”

“Sure, sure. My mistake. Buccaneers.”

“You’re a terrible woman, Lily Evans. Pads, if the trolly lady comes by before I’m back, get me something would you? Get your Moony to choose though, your taste is weird.”

(Your Moony, he says. Most natural thing.)

“Come on, cowboy,” Regulus chimes in, waiting for Lily and James at the end of the train corridor, eyebrow raised in something too fond to be mocking. Sirius waves at him.

“He’ll be alright, love,” Moony tugs at his hand as the three walk away. “It’s just a year.”

Because his Moony always knows when he’s getting worried, even before it really registers.

It’s a bittersweet thing, to be in the train, in the same seats they occupied when they first met and every year since. Sirius remembers the first time he spoke with James, the instant connection between them. The first time Peter shared food with him, a too-warm ploughman’s sandwich. And Moony, scared out of his wits and trying to hide it behind put upon brashness, as if his big eyes didn’t show the truth.

“We’ll be alright, too,” Sirius responds and Moony smiles like he finally believes it.

“Merlin’s balls, I thought it was bad when you two were pining,” Peter cuts in, “is this what it’s going to be, living with you?”

“Don’t begrudge us our love, Wormy boy,” Sirius dramatically flings himself against Remus’ side.

“Course not, mate. You’ve just become… mushy. Sappy.”

Remus kisses the side of his head, such a natural gesture (like it’s something they’ve done for years, like it wasn’t new), Sirius feels almost silly at the pleased blush he can feel heating up his face.

The trolly comes, and they buy more than is probably necessary. James comes back, hair in a disarray, pleased as a punch, clearly haven’t gotten a snog after the prefects meeting. (“I don’t kiss and tell, gentlemen.”)

Sirius doesn’t deface the walls of the compartment, but he does carve the underside of his seat, where it won’t be spotted and shouldn’t be removed.

All is well.

P + M + P + W

NOTES

And they all lived happily ever after because there were no evil wizards ever.

The last two chapters will be fluffy epilogues.

thank you so much for sticking with this story so far <3 <3

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(let me know if you do/don’t want to be tagged in next parts)

[j-eryewrites]

Look for the Light

The final part of A Sinner's Redemption

SERIES MASTER LIST | MAIN MASTER LIST

Previous

Word Count: ~9.8k

Author's Note: Agh, I'm honestly crying. It's all too bittersweet. I started this fic over a year ago, and now it's over. I'm happy with how it ended and I'm glad you were all there along for the ride. Thank you for all your support for "A Sinner's Redemption". I hope you all enjoy the conclusion to Ellie, Joel, and Piper's story.

- With much love, the author.

Warnings: Canon typical violence, spoilers for the last episode and game, Joel goes full momma bear, mentions of death, suicidal ideation, mental health, explicit language, major angst and hurt (with comfort), deceit and lies, gun violence, mentions of gore, description of gore, Joel kills a whole bunch of people, mentions of surgery and medical procedures, mentions of infected, descriptions of child birth, mentions of trauma and coping mechanisms, mentions of injuries and scars (let me know if I missed anything)

Look for the Light (the Final Chapter)

Piper seemed to hit every low branch as she was dragged along. The warm hand holding hers was sweaty. Her mother’s long fingers tightened its hold.

“Ow, mommy,” Piper whined. She looked up at her mom, who quickly apologized, fighting off a painful groan.

“Baby, let’s keep going. Come on.” Anna, the girl’s mom, tugged her child along. A distant howl made her blood run cold. Everything was going wrong. Contractions constricted her body’s muscles. A runner was after them.  She’d been running for who knows how long with Piper in tow. Despite the overwhelming surge of fear, Anna knew one thing. She had to keep her sweet girl safe. Both of them, now that the other one was fighting to come out into the world. 

“Mommy, I-“

Anna pulled Piper along. “I know, sweet girl. I know. Once we get to the house, we’ll be safe. I promise.” 

Heavy huffs of breath fall from Anna’s mouth. The pains were getting worse. She couldn’t keep the sound in—the sound the monster used to track them. 

“Fuck,” Anna cried, using her free hand to clutch her round stomach. 

“Mommy?” Piper peered up at Anna with worried eyes.

Taking a deep breath, Anna softly smiled down at her daughter. “Mommy’s okay, Pipes. Mommy’s okay.” She knew Piper didn’t believe her. Three-year-olds were brilliant, especially when it came to their mothers. 

“Look, Pipes.” Anna pointed to the tall gray house up ahead. “We’re here.”

Anna hastily waddled her and Piper along into the house. The door swung open. “It’s me!” Anna announced. No one answered. Frantically, she looked around. “Anyone?!”

“Mommy?” 

“Not now, sweetie.” A screech pierced the air. “Shit!” Anna cursed, pulling Piper up the stairs and into the farthest room. “In here, sweetie.” 

Letting go of her daughter’s hand, Anna closed the door, locked it, and dragged a chair to barricade the room. 

“Mommy?” Piper whispered. Her tiny finger pointed to the puddle of water underneath Anna’s legs. 

“Oh…” Anna grasped her stomach. “Sweetie,” Anna winced. “Help mommy sit down.” 

Piper ran to her mom’s side, reaching for her hand. With a thump, Anna collapsed against the floor. Gently, she wiped some of the grime off of Piper’s face. 

“I love you; you know that, right?” Anna asked. Piper nodded.

Suddenly, glass broke. It came from downstairs. Anna bit her lip to stifle her groan. “Baby, go hide in-,” Anna howled in pain. “Go hide.”

The chair against the door thumped. Growls seeped through the cracks. It found them. 

“Piper! Go-“

The door flung open. The infected charged into the room. Its sights were set on Anna’s little girl. Except it didn’t attack Piper. With a swing, the girl was tossed to the side. The infected’s actual target was revealed as it lunged at Anna. 

Piper screamed, and Anna fought. With a switchblade, she swiped at the monster, fighting it off as her body fought to push a baby out. The creature gnashed its teeth, searching for something to bite. The rotten bones found home in Anna’s thigh. She cried out in pain, bringing down the blade into the Infected. She grunted with each slice of her weapon until it dropped dead. 

A new cry filled the air. It was the baby. 

“Oh…oh…” Anna cooed, lifting her baby. She was tiny. Her frail arms flailed in the air. Her dark eyes crinkled open. 

“Mommy?” Piper’s voice called to her mom.

Anna glanced up. “Piper, come meet your sister.” 

Piper tip-toed over to her mom and new baby sister. 

“Hi…hey…” Anna cooed. She turned the baby over to Piper. The young girl brought her face as close as possible to her new sister. 

“She looks funny,” Piper muttered. 

The baby started to cry again. Anna held her close. “Did I make her cry?” Piper sniffled. Anna shook her head and chuckled. 

“No, sweet girl. Babies just cry.” Then Anna turned to the baby.  “Yeah, you tell ’em. You fuckin’ tell ’em, Ellie.”

“Hi Ellie…” Piper whispered. Baby Ellie grew quiet. Her bright, wide eyes looked over at her mom and sister. “I’m your big sister.”

“Do you want to hold her, Pipes?” Piper nodded. With her tiny arms, Piper held Ellie close. 

“Hold her head like this, and-“ Anna adjusted Piper’s arms. “Just like that.” Anna sank deeper into the wall. Her eyes watched over her daughters, the view growing blurry. 

“Yeah, it’s okay…” Anna whispered to herself. The pain in the thigh crawled its way around her body. She could feel the infection spread. 

“Piper,” Anna said. “Can you take your sister and sit in the corner over there?” Piper looked confused but did as her mother said. 

Anna bit back a growl. “Fuck,” she quietly cursed. She prayed that Marlene and the others would be back soon. She prayed the last thing her daughters would see was their mother become a monster. 

“It’s okay.” 

When Anna opened her eyes next, crickets began to chirp outside. Silently, she scolded herself for closing her eyes. Beside her, Piper sat, curled up around her baby sister, the two of them fast asleep. Anna lovingly smiled even if Piper had left the corner. 

Taking a hand, she began to run her fingers through Piper’s hair. Her voice croaked but quickly smoothed out as she sang to her baby girls. 

♪ Hold me ♪

♪ Close to your heart ♪

♪ Touch me ♪

♪ Give all your love to me. ♪

“Anna?” Marlene’s voice called out. Anna sat up straighter as the door to the room creaked open. Bright white lights momentarily blinded her. 

“Oh god,” Marlene cursed, noticing the bite on Anna’s thigh. 

With a calm voice, Anna looked up at her friend. “It’s not your fault.”

“We were delayed getting out of the zone. I’m so-“

“They’re hungry,” Anna said, looking down at her girls. “The baby needs to be fed, and I…I didn’t wanna nurse her.” Marlene furrowed her brows in skepticism. “I cut it before I was bit, and it never got to Piper. Marlene,” Anna begged.”Before.”

Sighing, Marlene lowered her gun and approached Anna. Her hands gently reached for the baby in Piper’s arms. Unconsciously, the young girl’s grip tightened around her sister. 

“Sweet girl,” Anna whispered, rubbing her finger gently up and down her daughter’s nose. “Piper, I need you to wake up.”  Piper stirred and snuggled deeper into her mother’s side. “Baby, please.” Piper awoke. Bringing her hands to the sides of Piper’s face, Anna smiled. Her eyes fought back tears. “There’s my sweet girl.”

“Mommy?” Piper said groggily. 

“Yeah, it’s mommy. I need you to promise me something, Piper. Can you do that for mommy?” Piper nodded. “Can you promise to watch over your sister?” Again, Piper nodded, wiping the sleep away. “I need you to be a big girl and a big sister.” Tears began to flow out of Anna’s eyes. “I need you to promise me you’ll always be with her. Piper and Ellie forever. Okay?” 

“Mommy, why are you crying?” Piper’s hand reached up to her mom’s face. Her tiny fingers wiped away tears. Anna struggled to peel off her daughter’s hands. 

“Piper, remember Aunty Marlene? She’s gonna take you and Ellie to a new home.”

“Where are you gonna go, mommy?” Piper asked, and Anna wanted to break in two. 

“I want you to…” Anna’s voice trembled as she looked at Marlene. “…take them with you to Boston… find someone to bring them up, and make sure that they’re safe.” 

“I can’t do that,” Marlene breathed, but Anna ignored her.

“And I want you to give her this.” Anna handed over a small switchblade. 

“Anna.”

“Her name is Ellie,” Anna explained. 

“I can’t,” Marlene sternly said.

“How long have we known each other?” Anna asked. Her eyes held strength even as her mind fought the monster crawling within. 

“Our whole lives,” Marlene answered.

“So you pick her up right now…take Piper, and then you kill me.”

“I can’t kill you.”

“Please, please, please.” Anna cried as Marlene stepped away with her daughters in tow. “Please!”

“Mommy?!” Piper began to cry, seeing her mother so distressed. 

Anna groaned as a growl grew from her chest. It was coming—the monster. 

“Marlene!” Anna screamed. Tears poured freely from her face. 

“Mommy!” Piper flailed around as Marlene drew her back from her mom. “Mommy!!”

Suddenly, Marlene’s hand withdrew and was replaced by another. 

“Here,” Marlene instructed the Firefly. “Hold her head… There you go.” Ellie cooed in the man’s arms. “Cover her ears.” Then she crouched down to Piper. “Cover your ears for me, Piper.” 

Piper shook her head. Her only thought was her mother. “Mommy!” She cried. Anna’s sobs followed the sound. 

Marlene clenched her jaw and stood up. The gun felt heavy in her hand as she marched back into the room. She had to make it quick. Anna nodded and closed her eyes. Thoughts of her daughters flashed before her as the bullet tore through her skull. 

Piper’s ears rang. Ellie cried, and her sister screamed. Piper didn’t stop screaming for her mother until sleep overcame her petite body. Even when she woke up, she still cried for Anna. But she’d never come. Instead, Piper clung to her baby sister. Although memories faded with time, one thing remained clear. Piper promised. It was her and Ellie. Sisters forever. 

꧁_____________꧂

A smile beamed from Joel’s face at his surprise find. Pulling himself away from the car, he called out to his girls. There was no response. He sighed. 

“Ellie! Piper!”

No reaction. Joel walked closer to the truck the girls sat on. Their eyes glazed over, stuck in their own heads. 

“Girls!” 

Piper blinked, her ears ringing as Joel’s voice called out to her. With a gentle nudge of her elbow, she pulled Ellie out of her trance. 

“D’ya hear me?” Joel asked the girls. 

“No…,” Ellie shook her head. “What?”

“Well,” Joel began, “found this in there. Beefaroni. Chef Boyardee.” He proudly grinned at them. 

“Oh, cool,” they muttered at the same time. Their postures shrank back down. 

“And have you ever played this?” Joel blurted, regaining the girl’s attention. “Boggle? It’s a word game.”

The girls shook their heads. 

“Well, if you wanna beat me at somethin’, it would be this.” Ellie’s ears perked up at Joel’s words, but she didn’t speak. Neither of them did. 

With each moment of silence, Joel felt his heart tear in smaller and smaller pieces. “Well, all right then. We’re gettin’ close.” He strolled over to the girls, packing away his finds. 

“Mm-hmm,” Ellie hummed. 

“Hospital that way.” Joel pointed over their shoulders. “May be the one we’re lookin’ for.”

“Got it,” Ellie muttered, hopping off the back of the truck. 

Slowly, Piper placed her feet on the ground. Her hands clutched tightly to the metal of the vehicle. Joel’s eyes flashed with pity, looking at the teen. 

Scars had littered her body. The biggest one was found on her face like a crevice carved by tears from her now pale eye. She couldn’t see out of it anymore. A consequence Joel blamed himself for. Joel had done his best to help her heal, but it was never enough to stave off the bouts of pain that would arise from time to time. He knew even more scars were hiding deeper under her skin—for both of them.

“Take this for me?” Joel asked Piper, holding up his gun. She held it as Joel slung the backpack over his shoulder. “Thanks.” Piper nodded, brushing her hair behind her ears. 

It had grown out since they’d left Jackson. Her dark curls were tucked beneath her chin. The length helped hide some of the more minor scars that lined her face. 

“They had a guitar in that RV,” Joel announced as they passed an abandoned RV on the highway. The girls nodded with false amusement. “It was all smashed up but got me thinkin’, maybe I should find one. I haven’t played in forever.” Joel turned to look behind him at Ellie and Piper. “In fact, I was thinkin’ maybe I could teach you two. I bet you guys be great at it. Maybe make our own little band.” A slight chuckle left Joel’s mouth as he thought about a band of the three of them plucking away at guitars. “Do you two wanna learn how to play guitar?”

Piper shrugged before tripping over some rubble. Thankfully, she caught herself before falling to the ground. 

“Ellie?” Joel muttered. 

“Hm?” Ellie’s brain quickly recovered. “Oh, yeah. That’d be great. A little guitar band.”

Joel smiled at his girls. His grin was big enough for the three of them when neither of his girls felt like smiling. 

The birds chirped louder and louder as they entered Salt Lake City. Even in late spring, the city emitted a ghastly heat. 

“Okay, so this is what I’m thinking…” Joel began, wiping sweat from his forehead.  

“Cut through that building to get around that stuff, find the skyscraper, go up and look around,” Ellie vacantly finished.

Joel’s eyes widened in surprise, but he quickly collected himself. “Uhh, actually, this time, I was thinkin’ we blast our way through that rubble.” The girls looked up at him with expressions of pure confusion. “I found some dynamite in that RV back there,” Joel said, fighting off a telling smile. 

“Really?” The girls cocked their brows. 

“No,” Joel teased. The smile exploded on his face. “So we’re gonna cut through that building, find a skyscraper, go up and look around. But I had you goin’, didn’t I?”

Piper rolled her eyes and bit back a smile. Ellie scoffed and continued on walking. 

“Look at this place,” Joel muttered, peeking around the abandoned construction site. “Talk about bad luck.” Ellie sent him a questioning look, and Joel answered. “Military drops bombs… not one of them hits the building you’re trying to demolish.” 

“No way up,” Piper mumbled. Joel peered around, discovering she was right. Spotting the edges of a ladder above, Joel turned to the girls. 

“I get you two up there. You guys can drop that ladder down; maybe we go through that way,” Joel proposed. “Come on. I’ll give you a boost.” 

Piper stepped up. Her hand clutched onto Joel’s shoulder as he hoisted her up. He could feel her legs shaking in hesitation as she reached for the edge. Suddenly, her legs buckled beneath her. 

“You okay?” Joel asked. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just my leg.” Piper’s hand rubbed the area where she got shot. “Get Ellie to do it.”

“Alright.” Joel nodded. “Ellie?” The girl didn’t answer him. “Ellie?”

“Els!” Piper yelled. 

“What?” Ellie said, whirling around. Her attention had been taken away from the flapping construction sheet. 

“You alright?” Joel questioned. “It’s just you kinda seem extra quiet today, so.”

“Oh… I’m sorry,” Ellie apologized.

“No, it’s fine,” Joel reassured her. “Did you hear what I…”

“Yeah, boost. Got it.” 

Marching over to Joel, Ellie copied Piper’s earlier motions.

“One… two, up.” Ellie stood up tall and reached for the edge. A grunt escaped her mouth as she pulled herself up. The ladder clattered as Ellie slid it down to Joel. 

“Ya got it?” Ellie asked. 

“Yeah,” Joel huffed, trying to latch onto the ladder. Suddenly, the ladder dropped. The metal clambered to the floor. Joel narrowly dodged the object. 

“God damn it, Ellie!” Joel cursed and picked up the ladder. “Shit.”

“You stay there!” He instructed Ellie. 

She didn’t listen. Joel heard her voice echo off the walls of the building as she moved away from the ledge. “You gotta see this!” She exclaimed with excitement. 

“Ellie?!” Joel yelled. Climbing up the ladder. Upon reaching the top, he helped Piper come to her feet before they ran after Ellie. 

“Up here!” Ellie announced. 

“Ellie!” Joel reprimanded. 

“C’mon!” He could practically hear the young girl jumping up and down with joy. “C’mon, slow pokes.”

“Just wait. God damn it,” Joel grumbled. His knees ached as he trekked up the stairs and after Ellie. When he got to the top, his breath stilled. 

His feet didn’t move. He stood there watching Ellie admire a giraffe. Piper stopped beside him, catching her breath before she approached her sister and the animal. Joe wanted to freeze time as the girls stared in awe at the peaceful creature. But time didn’t work like that. 

Slowly, Joel stepped forward. 

“Don’t scare it,” Ellie whispered. 

“I won’t.”

His hands deftly snapped some leaves off the tree the animal was munching on. He passed the leaves to his girls. 

“What are you doing?” Ellie asked, taking the leaves.

“It’s all right.” Then Joel stuck out his hand, feeding the giraffe. He raised his brows and motioned for the girls to do the same. “Come here, hurry up. Come on.”

Ellie was the first to step up. Hesitantly, she stuck out her hand as far away as she could from her body. The giraffe sniffed the leaves before opening its mouth to munch on them. Its dark tongue licked around Ellie’s hand. Giggles erupted from the girl’s mouth.

“Ellie, give me a try,” Piper interjected, sticking her hand of leaves to the creature. The giraffe moved from Ellie’s hand to Piper’s and began to feast. Disgust and amusement contorted on the teen’s face. 

“God, it’s wet and it tickles.” Piper felt a shiver go down her spine. Ellie laughed and teased her sister. 

Scratch what he thought earlier. If Joel could freeze time, he’d do it now. His girls were happy. God, he hadn’t heard them laugh in so long. It was better than any music he’d ever heard in his life. 

“So fucking cool,” Ellie muttered at the giraffe. Before the girls knew it, their hands were empty of leaves, and the giraffe had pulled back. Its lanky legs were taking it away. 

���Aw, where’s she going?” Ellie hopped back before entering a sprint, determined to follow the giraffe. “Come on, come on, come on, come on!”

Piper skipped after her, eager to spend longer with the animal. 

“Okay,” Joel chuckled, chasing after his girls.

When he finally reached them, Joel couldn’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of deja vu. There, Ellie and Piper stood, gazing out across a city. The sunlight reflected off the shattered windows of the skyline. Nature overcame the city. Vines and trees ensnared everything in sight.

“So… is it everything ya hoped for?” Joel repeated himself. 

Ellie grinned. “It’s got its ups and downs… but you can’t deny that view.” 

Joel laughed and then joined them. The view was lovely. His eyes scanned the scene and froze on what appeared to be a hospital. 

“Look,” he turned to Ellie and Piper. “I don’t know exactly where this hospital is…”

“Yeah, we’ll find it.” Ellie didn’t remove her gaze from the view. 

“Sure. It’s just…” Joel trailed off, thinking of his following words. “Maybe there’s nothin’ bad out there, but so far, there’s always been somethin’ bad out there.” 

“We’re still here, though.” Ellie was facing him now. 

“I know. I’m only saying there’s risk.” Taking a deep breath, Joel made sure he had both girls' full attention. “We don’t have to do this. I just… I want you to know that.” 

Piper froze. All of a sudden, she felt like she was on fire. Did she want to do this? She knew what awaited her and Ellie. Sick boiled in her stomach, and Piper wished she hadn’t eaten anything that day. 

“What do you mean? What else are we supposed to do?” Ellie questioned. 

“Nothin’. We just go back to Tommy’s.” Piper could tell it was all he wanted to do by the way Joel spoke. “We forget about the whole damn thing.”

Ellie shook her head. “After all we’ve been through… everything I’ve done… it can’t be for nothing.”

With Ellie’s confirmation, Piper knew her answer. She could see the hope in Ellie’s eyes. Those eyes had been so void of anything since their entrapment with David. Piper had already failed Ellie once. She knew she couldn’t do it again. How would she live with herself if she let her sister mindlessly walk alone into death's hands? 

“I know you mean well,” Joel began. 

Standing straighter, Ellie interrupted. “I know you wanna protect me. You have. And when we’re done, we’ll go wherever you want. Tommy’s, sheep ranch, the moon.” Joel laughed. 

Inside, Piper cried. Her dream flashed in her mind. She returned to it every night and almost stayed in her dream that day.  God, Piper wanted more than anything to have her dream come true. But Piper had made a promise. It was her and Ellie until the end, and if Ellie wanted to march right into death's arms, so would she. After all, maybe then Piper could do something good. Maybe in her death, she’d finally be able to do what she always wished- then perhaps she’d be able to save someone instead of killing. 

“I’ll follow you anywhere you go,” Ellie continued. “ But there’s no halfway with this. We finish what we started.” 

꧁_____________꧂

Joel’s plan was a plan. That was all Piper could say. After they’d found a way around all the rubble, Joel decided they would just walk around. They’d stumble upon the hospital eventually. However, Piper saw through Joel’s confusion. It was hard to comment on anything over her pain. 

The worst of it came from her leg. Getting shot wasn’t fun. It's definitely an experience Piper wouldn’t recommend. Next came the pain in her eye. About a day or two after they escaped from the cannibalistic cult, she started to lose vision until she became completely blind. 

It was tricky navigating the world with a crippled leg and a narrower peripheral vision. Some days, it was too hard. Phantom pain from her other injuries nabbed at her, cutting deep into her mind. She was weak. Piper couldn’t even walk a few miles without her leg giving out. Most of their travels to Salt Lake consisted of Piper using Joel as a crutch. Eventually, Joel assembled one for her, but she refused to use it. She just couldn’t. Not when she knew how strong she could be. If anything, Piper would just suffer through the pain. After all, it’s what she deserved for failing her sister. Piper deserved it all. 

“Was this a FEDRA thing?” Ellie’s voice cut through the torment circling Piper’s mind. 

Joel shook his head as they entered the abandoned encampment. “No. Army,” he corrected. “They put these places up all around the first few days after the outbreak. Emergency medical camps. Obviously, it didn't last. They had me in one just like this.”

Looking back, Joel noticed Piper lagging. Her face clenched as her hand grazed over her leg. Nodding to Ellie, he led them to a makeshift bench. The tension in Piper’s face eased.

“Were you there with Sarah?” Ellie asked, resuming their previous conversation.

“No,” Joel’s face dropped as he looked at his hands. “She was gone already.”

“Oh,” uttered Ellie. 

“So what did happened?” Piper piped up to distract from the lingering pain in her thigh. 

“It was for this.” Joel pointed to the scar on the side of his head. 

Ellie’s eyes widened with recognition. “Ah, the guy who shot and missed. I figured that would’ve happened later.”

“No. Second day,” Joel explained.

“Well, I’ve gotta hand it to the Army people,” Ellie sighed. “They were way better at stitchin’ you up than Piper was.” She peered at her sister, hoping her teasing comment would help distract Piper. It didn’t. 

“It was me,” Joel admitted. “I was the guy who shot and missed.”

Piper gulped. “Oh…” She breathed. All thoughts of her pain were replaced with concern for Joel. 

“There’s no story.” Joel began. He hated telling this story. He was at his lowest. His weakest. He had lost everything. “Sarah died… and I couldn’t see the point anymore. Simple as that. And I wasn’t scared either. I was ready. I couldn’t have been more ready. When I… When I… went to pull the trigger, I-I flinched. Still don’t know why.” 

Piper fiddled with her fingers, tracing the scars along her palms. She’d been there. Piper would have done it, and she wouldn’t have missed. In her mind, she saw the mall, the infected, and Ellie and Riley. Unconsciously, Piper trailed up to the scar of her bite mark. The mark was a perfect match to her teeth. She could still hear Riley and Ellie’s begs–asking her to kill them. 

“Anyway, the reason I’m telling you all this…” Joel trailed off, looking at Piper’s, whose knuckles had turned white. 

“I know why you’re tellin’ me all this,” Ellie interjected. 

Joel turned to her. “Yeah, I reckon you do,” he smiled. 

“So time heals all wounds, I guess.” Ellie jokingly rolled her eyes at the cliche. 

“It’ll be fucking years then…” Piper mumbled, making Joel’s heart shatter. 

“It wasn’t time that did it.” It was said so softly, but even through their trauma-induced daze, the girls heard it. 

“Oh…” Piper softly said. A faint smile ghosted her lips. 

“Well, I’m glad that… that didn’t work out,” Ellie muttered. 

“Me, too,” Joel admitted. 

Suddenly, he felt a gentle weight on his side. Joel’s eyes trailed over to Piper, who leaned against him. She avoided his gaze, but the gentle pressure said more than anything she could muster. Like a domino effect, he felt Ellie rest her head on the other side. There, they sat in silence, embracing each other’s comfort. 

Just as fast as their moment started, it ended. 

“We should probably get going,” Joel sighed, pushing himself up. 

“Yeah,” the girl half-heartedly agreed. 

“You know what I’m in the mood for?” Joel announced. 

“What?” Ellie asked.

Joel smirked and peered down at her. “Shitty puns.”

A groan erupted from Piper’s mouth. “God no, Joel, why’d you have to-? “

“Oh-ho-ho.” Ellie chuckled, already flipping through the pages of the book. “People are making apocalypse jokes like there’s no tomorrow.” Joel winced. “Too soon?”

“No, it’s topical.”

Ellie giggled. “Oh, I love this one.”

“Moon rocks taste better than Earth rocks. Why?” She paused, wiggling her brows at Joel and Piper. “Cause they’re meteor.”

“Oh, that’s terrible,” Joel exclaimed.

“Fuck you,” Ellie scoffed. “That was actually good.”

“That’s a… That…,” Joel waved his hands in search of words. “That’s a zero outta 10.”

“All right, all right.” Ellie read a new joke. “What did the green grape say to the purple grape? Breathe, you idiot.”

“That was a three outta 10.”

Ellie shook her head. “Seven, minimum.” 

“Uh-uh.” Ellie disagreed.

“I’m sticking with the three,” Piper added from behind the group. 

“I’ll give it a five,” Joel settled.

“Five outta 10. Five?” Ellie dramatically gasped. 

CLANG!

The trio whirled around. In between Ellie, Joel, and Piper sat a small flash bomb. Joel grabbed onto Ellie’s shoulder, pulling her close. Piper ducked and covered her ears. 

As Piper’s head hit the ground, she couldn’t hear anything. She knew she was calling out for Joel and Ellie. It looked like they were saying her name if she squinted hard enough. Her head hurt, and it felt wet. She groaned and fell to her side. Two foggy figures loomed overhead. And then it was black.

꧁_____________꧂

“Is her head okay?” A faint voice tickled Piper’s senses. 

Someone was touching her. Piper’s hand clasped around the person. Her eyes whirled open, and then she pounced. She fought until the poor woman lay on the ground. The teen could see the terror oozing from the woman, her hands raised. 

“Piper?” A familiar voice commanded. “Piper! Let her go.” Piper tore her gaze off the trembling woman and onto Marlene.

“Marlene?” Realizing she still sat over the woman, Piper pushed herself off. She sent a silent apology, collecting herself. One thing was for sure. Everything hurt, more so than usual. “What happened?” She croaked, rubbing her aching head. Her hand felt sticky. It was covered in a clear ointment mixed with blood. Her blood. 

Marlene dismissed the woman, who quickly left the room. “Patrol didn’t know you were coming. You got the worst of it.” The woman pointed to Piper’s head injury.

“Yeah,” Piper scoffed. “I could tell. Where’s Ellie and Joel?” 

There was a pause before Marlene answered her. “Ellie’s fine. Been asking about you. Joel’s still unconscious.”

Ellie. The Fireflies. If they were here at the hospital, then… “Can I see Ellie?”

“Piper,” Marlene’s gaze grew avoidant. “All you need to know is that she’s safe.”

It was a bullshit answer. An answer Piper wouldn’t take. “Marlene, where’s my sister?” 

Marlene sighed with a look that made Piper fear the answer. “She’s being prepped for surgery…” Piper shuddered, and a gasp left her mouth. She couldn’t look at Marlene. She couldn’t look anywhere. Piper couldn’t do anything as sobs choked their way out. 

“You know.” Marlene stood straighter and marched over to Piper. Her eyes glared down at Piper. “Did Ellie-?”

“No,” Piper sniffled. “I…I couldn’t tell her. Not when I had- can I say goodbye?” Marlene shook her head. “Fuck…” Piper whimpered. Tears stung her skin as they trickled from her eyes down her cheeks. 

“Piper, I’m sorry-” Marlene tried to comfort her. 

“What about Joel?” Piper yelled. She stared up at Marlene. The pools in her eyes reflected the woman’s stern expression. “Can I say goodbye? Please, Marlene. Please.” Marlene didn’t answer her. Piper had to see Joel, she had to–“I’m saving the fucking world, and you won’t let me say goodbye?!”

Marlene took in a deep and steady breath that seemed to last hours. She raised her finger, and in came a Firefly soldier. “Grab her some paper and a pen.” The materials magically appeared. Marlene threw them into Piper’s hands. “Here, you’ll write your goodbye.”

Piper hurriedly placed the papers down and uncapped the pen. “Does Joel know?” She asked. 

“Know what?” Marlene’s voice came out harsher than Piper had ever heard it. 

“That you’re killing us for the cure.”

There was a deafening silence before Marlene answered. “No.”

“Are you gonna tell him?” Piper asked, tearing her attention away from the letter. 

“Just hurry up and write that goodbye,” Marlene hissed. 

Piper didn’t need another warning and scrambled to scribble on the papers. Her hands shook so much that Piper worried her last words would be illegible. She inhaled. She exhaled. She calmed herself, but only as much as could be expected from someone about to die. As she wrote, her vision grew sloppier. It was hard to see even with her blind eye. Still, she pushed through. With a trembling hand, she signed the letter. When Marlene snatched it out of her hands, a strangled sob scrambled out. 

“Promise me he’ll get it,” Piper begged. “Promise me, Marlene.”

Marlene folded the letter and shoved it into her pocket. “Finish bandaging her up and get her prepped,” she instructed her fireflies. Then, turning on her heel, Marlene stepped out the door. 

Behind her, Piper yelled. “Marlene, please! Please promise me. Please!” 

꧁_____________꧂

“Welcome to the Fireflies” was the first thing Joel heard once his consciousness returned. Groggy, he pushed himself up to sit opposite Marlene. 

“Easy.” Marlene gently spoke. “Ya got hit pretty hard. Patrol didn’t know who you were.”

Joel’s eyes scanned the room. Something was missing. Someone. His girls. “Where’s the girls?”

“Ellie wasn’t hurt,” Marlene began. Her answer relieved Joel, but it was not what he needed to hear. “Not even a scratch. Piper got the short end of the stick. My people are fixing her up now. They’re mostly worried about you.”

“Where are they?” He gruffly asked. His eyes stared down into Marlene’s, who remained calm. 

“We lost half our crew crossing the country.” Joel frowned. She didn’t answer him. Why? She refused to answer him. “I had five men whose only job was to protect me. And I still almost got killed. How’d you do it?”

“It was all them,” Joel admitted. “Ellie and Piper fought like hell to get here.”

Marlene shook her head in disbelief. “They would’ve been dead on day one.” Sighing, she leaned back into her chair and crossed her arms. “You are the one person I never wanted to be in debt to. But I owe you. We all owe you.”

“Just take me to them,” Joel pleaded. His voice was soft, and in a tone Marlene had never heard from the man. 

“I can’t.” Joel’s face contorted, and his jaw clenched. “Ellie’s being prepped for surgery. Piper soon after.”

“What surgery?” Joel questioned Marlene so slowly it sounded like a growl. 

“Our doctor…,” Marlene explained, “he thinks that the Cordyceps in the girls have grown with them since birth.”

His teeth started to grind against the others. His tanned knuckles grew paler by the second. “Why is Ellie in surgery?”

“It produces a kind of chemical messenger. It makes normal Cordyceps think that she’s Cordyceps. It’s why she’s immune. He’s gonna remove it from her, multiply the cells in a lab, produce those chemical messengers… and then we can give it to everyone. He thinks it could be a cure, Joel.”

“A cure,” Joel scoffed. Then he froze. 

No. No. No. No. No!

“Cordyceps grow inside the brain,” Joel stated. 

Marlene gulped before confirming Joel’s fears. “It does.”

“Find someone else,” Joel gasped. 

“There is no one else.” Marlene stood up and held out her hand to Joel. In it were wrinkled papers. He could see dark ink seeping through the thin sheets. “Here, this is for you.” 

He snatched them from her hand and flicked them open. His hands gently straightened out any faults caused by Marlene’s mishandling. His breath shuddered, and his body trembled as he began to read. 

To Joel:

I’m not really sure when and if you get this, but God, I hope you do. Marlene wouldn’t let me see you; she said you were out. She wouldn’t let me see Ellie either, and I’d rather get out one goodbye than never have said anything at all. 

When we started this journey, we were just cargo, and you were our carrier. That’s how it was supposed to be. Then you did something I never thought would happen. You made me trust you. You made me feel safe. You made me feel at home, even when it was the last thing I ever wanted to feel. You reminded me how to live and not just survive. 

God…I…there’s so much I want to say, but I can’t. Marlene’s getting impatient. Ellie’s going into surgery, and then I’m next. You came into this thinking we’d walk out, but we won’t. And it’s okay. It’ll be okay, Joel. Maybe now I can save someone. Maybe with me dying, I don’t have to kill anymore. 

I just want you to know that when I go, I’m gonna dream of that farm. I’m gonna dream of Ellie and her puns, you playing guitar and yelling at some stupid sheep. Cause that’s my dream. A home with my family. A home with my sister and my dad. 

Goodbye Joel Dad

- Piper Williams 

With as much care as he could muster, Joel folded the letter and placed it in his breast pocket over his heart. A large tear fell to the floor, and Joel stifled a sob. 

Marlene took Joel’s silence as a cue to speak again. “We didn’t tell Ellie. We didn’t cause her any fear; there won’t be any pain. Piper-she knows.”

Joel’s head started shaking. A physical sign of his rejection. He couldn’t let them do this. He wouldn’t lose his girls. Not when he’d just- “No. No, you take me to them. You take me to Ellie and Piper right now!” He stood up, all anger and fury, and lunged for Marlene. Joel was fast, but her men were faster. With a swift kick of the knee, Joel toppled to the floor. 

“Please...” Joel cried. You don’t understand.” He kneeled in front of Marlene as if to pray. He needed the girls; he loved them. They were his redemption. “Please.” 

“I do. I was there when she was born, Joel.” Marlene glared down at Joel. “I promised her mother that I would save her children. I promised. So I do understand. I’m the only one who understands. I’m sorry. I have no other choice.”

But he did. Joel had a– “I do,” he growled. 

“Walk him out to the highway,” Marlene commanded. “Leave him there with his pack. Give him this.” Joel saw the glimmer of Ellie’s switchblade. His baby girl. “He tries anything… shoot him.”

The Fireflies nodded and nudged Joel off the floor with their guns. Joel scowled as Marlene watched him be escorted away. Each step farther away from the room, from his girls, was agony. In the dimly lit hospital hallway, Joel plotted. He was Joel fucking Miller, and he was going to get his girls back. The lights flickered, and Joel saw it. It was a sign reading “pediatric surgery: 6th floor.” The sixth floor. That’s where his girls would be. 

“I didn’t hear anyone say, “Stop.” One of the Firefly men shoved Joel along. 

“Which way?” Joel mumbled. 

“Down the stairs.” They pushed Joel along. 

As Joel stumbled down the staircase, he found his feet frozen. He refused to move any farther. 

“The fuck are you doin’? Keep walking!”  Joel stayed still. He waited. Marlene had only sent two men to escort him out—a mistake. Marlene should have known it would have taken much more to keep Joel away. “I said keep walk–”

Joel brought the heel of his palm into one of the men’s noses. CRACK! Blood poured out of the broken nose. The firefly tumbled to the floor, clutching his injury. Joel saw his chance and grabbed the gun. He cocked it and fired. The second man died. Shot right in the head. 

“Where is she?!” Joel demanded, holding the gun to the surviving Firefly's head. 

Through all the blood, the man looked up at Joel. “Fuck you.”

“I don’t have time for this.”

BANG! The Firefly fell limp. His radio blared to life. 

“Shots fired. Shots fired!” 

Joel frowned. They’d all be coming for him now, but he didn’t care. He had to save his girls. Marching up the stairs, Joel began his prowl. Expertly, his gun aimed and fired. The soldiers dropped like flies in the path of Joel’s protective fury. 

BANG!

BANG!

BANG!

The sound of the gun followed Joel wherever he stalked along the halls of the hospital. Some of the people he came across fought. But like a bear in pursuit of protecting its cubs, they didn’t stand a chance. There was no such thing as mercy for Joel when these very people were out to kill his girls. He was swiftly making his way through the hospital–a trail of bodies in tow. 

BANG!

BANG!

BANG!

And then silence. His breath stilled as the sign for pediatric surgery came into view. He scoured each room for any sign of his girls. But he found none. Still, Joel trekked. A faint light seeped from beneath a pair of doors up ahead. Quiet beeping sounds echoed louder than the shots from before. 

“Do we have enough power?” Someone asked. 

Joel pushed the door open with the butt of his gun. 

“She’s ready,” a nurse said. Her hands hovered over Ellie. 

The young teen’s hair lay long and brushed. All the grim from before had been washed from her body. She looked clean and peaceful as she lay on the surgery table. 

“Unhook her,” Joel uttered. The nurses gasped at the sight of the gun, immediately raising their hands. 

The surgeon, however, seethed with anger. In his hand, he held a scalpel. The blade glinted over Ellie’s scalp. “How did you get in here?” 

Joel carefully watched the blade. “I said unhook her.”

No one except the surgeon made a move. The surgeon surged forward and stood between Ellie and Joel. In his hand, he defensively held the scalpel. “I won’t let you take her.”

BANG!

The surgeon dropped dead. Nurses screamed and cowered. 

“Unhook her!” Joel yelled. “Move!” 

Quickly, the nurses unhooked Ellie. Silently, they prayed to a god, to anyone to have mercy. The beeping monitor went silent. Blood trickled down Ellie’s arm from where the IV was placed. 

“Cover her arm,” Joel commanded. “Fast.”

Within the blink of an eye, one of the nurses had covered the wound. 

“Turn around.” Joel watched as the women quickly turned away. Just as fast, Joel lifted Ellie off of the table. She was cold but breathing. Her head flopped against Joel’s shoulder, and he worried. If Ellie was in this state, what about Piper? He didn’t have the arms and the strength to carry both girls out of the hospital. Joel held Ellie tighter. He’d have to do something he never wanted to do. Joel would have to get Ellie safe and then find Piper. He just prayed she’d be fine until he could rescue her. 

Elevator doors closed in front of Joel. His arms ached from the unconscious weight of Ellie. He sighed, and Ellie snuggled closer to him. Soon, the silver doors slid open. Joel stepped out into the hospital’s parking garage. If the Fireflies had power, then they’d have cars. Working ones. The low rumble of a car engine drew Joel’s attention. He shuffled over to the vehicle.

CLICK!

“You can’t keep her safe forever,” Marlene taunted. Joel turned around. There stood Marlene with a gun. But it wasn’t pointed at Joel. No. It was pointed at Piper. 

“Joel,” Piper sobbed in Marlene’s clutch. Relief flooded her body at the sight of Joel holding Ellie. She was alive. Her sister was alive. 

“Piper…” Joel met her dark eyes. “Let her go.” He demanded. 

Marlene shook her head. “No. I won’t let you take them, Joel.” Her hand pushed the barrel of the gun deeper into Piper’s head. The girl groaned from the pain. 

“Let her go!” Joel yelled. 

“Joel!” Piper gasped. “Take Ellie. Take her and let them have me. Save Ellie. Save her.”

Shaking his head, Joel fought back tears. No, he had made it this far. He was going to save them both. He had to save them. “No, Piper. No. I’m gettin’ you both out of here.”

“No matter how hard you try, no matter how many people you kill, they’re gonna grow up, Joel,” Marlene scoffed. “And then you’ll die. They’ll leave. Then what?” Marlene cocked her head. “How long till they’re torn apart by Infected or murdered by raiders?” Piper whimpered under Marlene’s grip. Her grasp tightened around the teen’s neck, making it hard to breathe. “Because they live in a broken world that you could have saved.”

“Maybe,” Joel agreed. “But it isn’t for you to decide.”

“Or you,” Marlene scolded.  “So what would she decide, huh? ‘Cause I think Ellie’d wanna do what’s right. And you know it. It’s not too late. Even now…even after what you’ve done. We can still find a way.”

Joel gazed down at sleeping Ellie and then at Piper. They were his world. Maybe he wouldn’t be saving the world by taking them, but he’d be protecting his. It was selfish. He knew, but Joel deserved to be selfish, and so selfish he chose to be. 

“Piper…” Joel muttered. “Do you trust me?”

“Yes,” Piper whimpered. 

BANG!

The world thrashed around Piper as the tight hold on her loosened. Marlene groaned. Her body was on the floor as blood flooded from her. 

“Joel!” Piper screamed, running to him. Her feet tripped over her hospital gown as she ran. “Joel!” She collapsed at his side, clutching his shoulders. Sobs ransacked her body. Joel leaned his head against hers. It was the best he could offer with his hands full of Ellie. 

“I got you,” Joel whispered. “I’ve got you, sweet girl.” 

A guttural cough cut through their reunion. Joel’s softened face grew dark as his sight landed on Marlene. It was a pitiful scene. The woman’s hands clawed at the floor over to the discarded weapon. A trail of her blood trickled after her. 

“Piper,” Joel calmly said. “Take your sister and put her in the car.” He passed Ellie’s body into Piper’s arms. Momentarily, she buckled under the weight. Regaining herself, Piper limped over to the vehicle. She braced Ellie against the doors before lifting her to lie in the back seat. 

Behind, Joel stalked after Marlene. 

“No, wait.” Marlene raised her hand. “Wait, wait, wait.” Joel peered down at her. “Please,” she begged. Her breaths had become pants as her body pumped more and more blood onto the concrete. “Let me go.”

“You’d just come after them.” Joel cocked his gun and aimed. “You’d come after my girls.”

꧁_____________꧂

They had left the city far behind. Now, the tall buildings were specks of dust in the wind. Piper sat with her head against the passenger window. She wasn’t sure how she was supposed to feel. One thing was for sure: Piper didn’t feel numb. After she danced with death in the smoke of the room, she was almost butchered in; Piper found it hard to feel anything but pain. A part of her only wanted to feel pain. It made everything easier: the guilt of failing Ellie, the guilt of leaving Joel in that basement, the guilt of– Piper hissed. Her nails had dug into the skin around the scar on her thigh. Damn, these hospital gowns for being so thin. 

“You okay?” Joel asked, peering over at her. 

Piper removed her hand and shrugged. “I’m…” fine. It was the easiest thing to say. She’d said it before, and Joel didn't push. But was it what she wanted to say? “No.” Joel stayed quiet. She was thankful for it. As long as she continued to look out the window, maybe she could trick herself into thinking she wasn’t telling anyone these dark thoughts–that she wasn’t telling anyone the truth. “I don’t think I’ve ever been okay. Ever.” 

Getting into a more comfortable position, Piper continued. “I was twelve when I first…when I first killed someone. I thought I could trust him, that he’d keep me safe, keep us safe.” Joel peeked at Ellie through the rearview mirror. “But his safety came with a price. One I couldn’t pay, so I–”

“Piper,” Joel interjected. “You don’t have to tell me.”

“But I do, Joel. I need to. Please?” Joel nodded and remained silent. “I killed him, and then FEDRA decided that if I could kill a man in self-defense, I could kill for them. So I did. That’s all I did for five years.” She stifled a sob. “I couldn’t–mess up, get sick, nothing, or else they’d leave Ellie all alone. It was my punishment. Then, one night, we ended up in the clutches of the Fireflies. They kept us chained in a room until you came along. Next thing I knew, Ellie and I were special cargo to be taken across the country.” 

Piper sniffled and then chuckled. “You know when I first met you, I hated you.” She laughed again. “Funny how we ended up here, huh?” Joel gazed over at Piper. Her laughter died down, returning to sniffles. “Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah,” Joel replied. 

“When you said,” Piper hesitated, “you weren’t afraid of death, that you welcomed it, what did you–what did it feel like?”

Joel sighed. “It felt…easy. Every day after Sarah’s death was filled with pain. It still hasn’t gone away,” Joel turned to give Piper a comforting smile. “But it has stopped hurting.” 

Piper nodded, taking in Joel’s words. “When I was trapped in that building, knowing I failed Ellie, that I’d failed you-” Joel desperately wanted to tell her she hadn’t failed. She had survived. They all had. “I wanted to give up. It was easy just to lay down and breathe in the smoke till I–” She looked down at her hands. “But, I didn’t…and some part of me still wishes I did. That’s why I didn’t tell you or Ellie. It was easy to keep quiet and march like a lamb to slaughter. I wouldn’t be in pain anymore. I wouldn’t have to feel all this guilt and hate. I wouldn’t have to be a killer. I wouldn’t have to be Piper.” 

A warm hand encased Piper’s shoulder. Joel’s fingers rubbed up and down in a soothing manner. “Even if some part of me wanted the easy way out, the others didn’t. I-” Piper took in a shaky breath. “Thank you, Joel. For saving me. For saving Ellie.”

Joel knew that no simple “you’re welcome” would suffice. Instead, he wrapped his arm around Piper and pulled her to his side. “Always,” he whispered. “Always.” 

Pulling back, Piper wiped tears and snot away from her face. “Joel?” Her quiet voice questioned. 

“Hmm?” He hummed. 

“What are you gonna tell Ellie?”

Joel sighed. His hand holding the wheel tightened. “I don’t know, kid. I don’t know.” 

As if on cue, Ellie groaned. Her body shifted on the back seat. Piper grew quiet and leaned back up against the window. 

“What?” Ellie mumbled. 

“It’s all right,” Joel cooed. “You’re with me.” Ellie pushed herself up but immediately toppled back down. “Take it slow. The drugs are still wearin’ off.”

“I was with the Fireflies, and then…,” Ellie groggily furrowed her brows. “What drugs?”

“They were runnin’ some tests on you…” Joel trailed off, finding his next words. “And some others. Turns out there’s a whole lot more like you… people that are immune. Dozens of ’em. And the doctors, they couldn’t make any of it work. They’ve actually…They’ve stopped lookin’ for a cure.” Joel heard Piper hold her breath at the lie. 

“Where are my clothes?” Ellie wondered in her dazed state. 

“Raiders attacked the hospital. I barely got ya outta there. We’ll find you some new ones on the way.”

Ellie laid her head back down, snuggling into the seat. “Were people hurt?”

“Yes,” Joel solemnly said. 

“Is Marlene okay?”

Joel gulped. “I’m takin’ us home.” Ellie half-presently nodded before dozing off again.  “I’m sorry,” he whispered to the young teen. 

After Piper was sure her sister was out, she turned to Joel. “Joel?” She asked. 

“You should get some rest,” Joel brushed off her inquiry. “You’ve been through a lot.”

Piper scoffed and shook her head. “I’m not tired.”

A knowing smile crept onto Joel’s face. “That’s what they all say, kid.” Piper wasn’t having it. Sighing, Joel compromised. “Just rest your eyes. It’ll be a long drive.”

“Okay…” Piper reluctantly agreed. She sniffled one last time before closing her eyes. The constant rumbling of the car’s tires rolling against the road beneath lulled her to sleep. Her breath slowed, matching the cadence of her younger sister's slow inhales. All the while, Joel drove. Strangely enough, he found himself feeling content. His girls were safe, and they were going home. Home. 

꧁_____________꧂

“Well,” Joel’s hands slapped against his thighs as the car hood shut. Steam angrily fled into the air. “She got us close enough. We gotta walk the rest of the way.” He trotted to where the girls sat and leaned against the car's frame. “Probably about a five-hour hike… but we can manage that. Remember?”

“Yeah.” Ellie nodded. 

Piper finished rolling up the sleeves of her shirt. Joel had found both her and Ellie new clothes. The hospital gowns weren’t the chosen attire for an apocalyptic world. “Yeah,” Piper chimed. 

Joel flashed them a smile, and then they went off. Piper found herself welcoming their journey. She hated to admit that she missed trekking through nature. While driving in a car was nice, easy, and fast, it wasn’t what she was used to. Besides, Piper preferred feeling the ground beneath her own two feet. 

“You know,” Joel huffed. The hike was getting to him. “Sarah and I used to hike like this all the time. I wouldn’t say it was her favorite thing. She wasn’t a fan of the mosquitoes and such. But she was a big climber… or scampering. That’s probably the right word. That girl… she’d see a big rock and just… pew.” He chuckled as a memory of his daughter appeared in his mind. 

Piper nodded her head and playfully nudged Ellie. “Sounds like someone I know.” Ellie rolled her eyes. 

“Sounds more like you–” Ellie countered. 

“Well, you were the one who climbed up a tree and couldn’t climb down.”

“That was–”

Joel snickered at their bickering. “She woulda liked you two.” Piper and Ellie stopped arguing. “Not to say the three of you are the same.” Joel smiled as if he knew some inside joke the girls didn’t. “Definitely different kids.”

“How so?” Ellie wondered, stepping up beside Joel. Piper stood on Joel’s opposite side. Their attention was drawn to Joel. 

“Well,” He began, “she was a lot more… I wanna say girly, and I’m not sayin’ that you’re not girly.”

“I’m not,” Ellie smirked. “If anything, Piper’s more girly than me.”

Piper wasn’t sure if she should take it as a compliment or an insult. However, responding to an insult was preferably much more fun. “Hey!” She feigned offence. 

“Yeah, you’re not,” Joel agreed with Ellie. “She was taller. She had a killer smile. Again, not sayin’ that you two don’t.” Ellie smiled broadly at Piper and winked. Piper rolled her eyes but smiled back. Joel laughed. “But you know why I think she’d like you, Ellie?”

Ellie’s smile fell. “Why?”

“Cause you’re funny,” Joel stated. “I think you would’ve made her laugh. Anyway, I bet you would’ve liked her back.”

“Yeah, bet I would’ve,” Ellie muttered. 

“And for Piper,” Joel said, not forgetting the other girl. “Sarah would love to try and make you laugh. And she’d look up to you.”

Piper paused, and a soft smile appeared on her face. “Thanks, Joel. Sarah sounds nice.”

“She was.” Joel concurred. Briefly, he looked down at the cracked watch adorning his wrist. Once he glanced up, he beamed. Ahead stood the faint outline of Jackson. Home. “Not much further now.”

Joel and Piper eagerly continued down the path. Ellie did not. 

“Hey, wait.” Joel and Piper whirled around. Ellie’s eyes widened as if she didn’t expect them to respond. “Fuck,” she softly cursed. “Back in Kansas City, you asked me about the first time I killed someone.” Joel placed his hands on his hips. His ears listened as Ellie spoke. Meanwhile, Piper grew distantly quiet. 

“When I got bit in the mall, I-It wasn’t just Piper and me.” Ellie looked away. Piper could see the tell Ellie tried to conceal. “My best friend was there, and she got bit, too.” Ellie sniffled. Piper felt her own eyes grow watery. Riley. Sweet Riley. “We didn’t know what to do, and she says, “We can just wait it out… be all poetic and just lose our minds together. And then she did. And I had to…” Piper wanted to draw Ellie into a hug, but she knew her sister had more to say. The comfort could always come later. “Her name was Riley… and she was the first to die. And then it was Tess. And then Sam and Henry.” 

Joel shook his head. “That’s not on you.”

“I know, but…” Ellie tried to argue, but Joel continued. 

“Look, sometimes things don’t work out the way we hope.” Joel peered over at Piper. He wasn’t just saying this to Ellie. It was a message for both of his girls. “You can feel like… like you’ve come to an end… and you don’t know what to do next. But if you just keep goin’… you find something new to fight for. And maybe that’s not what…”

“Swear to me,” Ellie interjected. “Swear to me that everything you said about the Fireflies is true.”

Piper looked away. She had never been more interested in her feet. Joel had an expressionless face as he answered her. “I swear.” 

After a moment, Ellie spoke. “Okay.”

She had believed him. Piper let out a shaky breath and looked over at Joel. They shared a glance. Their eyes agreed to the lie. It was a necessary one. A lie that they both now concealed. 

The rest of the journey to Jackson had been uneventful. Tommy had found them close to Jackson when he was on patrol. The reunion was sweet. Joel hugged his brother before breaking away, allowing Tommy to steal hugs from the girls. They hadn’t been expecting it by how brief and tight the hugs had been, but they had been welcomed embraces. 

Maria smiled when they walked back into town. The streets had changed from the snow-covered, Christmas-decorated roads to colorful and lively bustling ones. People discarded their winter gear for lighter clothes. The summer sun and heat crept over the mountains, waiting to pounce. But for now, the air was at a pleasant temperature. As Maria showed them back to the house they had stayed in during their brief stay in Jackson, Piper spotted a familiar head of curls. Charlie. He amicably waved at her. By amicably, Charlie practically jumped where he stood, calling out her name. Piper flushed a deep shade of red and flipped him off. Joel laughed, and Ellie smirked. Her clever eyes darted between the two teens. She had something to tease her sister about. 

The sun had begun to set as Joel, Piper, and Ellie settled back into the house. Each crawled out of their rooms after a long nap. Joel was the last to emerge. Age had made his cravings for naps extremely powerful. With a yawn, he pushed open the front door. A wave of deja vu fell over him. 

There sat his girls on the porch. Ellie was teasing Piper about the boy they’d seen on the street. Piper rolled her eyes and denied everything, making it hard for Ellie to continue her interrogation. Instead, the young teen pulled out her pun book. Fingers flipped through the pages, landing on a particular joke. Piper dramatically groaned, and Joel realized he had seen this all before. 

It was the dream. Joel’s dream. Here they were, his girls safe and sound with a whole life ahead of them. Joel felt a pleasant warmth spread throughout his body. He stood and leaned against the door frame for ages, capturing this moment in his head. The girls had been his redemption–a sinner’s redemption. Now that he had his dream, Joel was content with just living it. This was why he missed that day. This was why he stayed. He, too, deserved a second chance. They all did. 

꧁_____________꧂

Thank you all again for your support. If you enjoyed this series please comment and reblog so that more people can embark on this journey with Piper, Ellie and Joel. :)

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[literary-motif]

We need a fan fiction of Isaac and the listener getting married and having a wedding day 🙏🙏

Bittersweet

Isaac Rhoades x Reader

The ceremony was a bureaucratic affair, passing by in an instant. 

Isaac set down the leather-clad folder with all your documents, sliding it over the polished desk to the court official who leafed through them tiredly before handing you a paper to sign. She said a few words, only partly reading off the paper in front of her and giving you both a genuine but pitying smile.

Asirel was the only witness, signing the paper alongside you and Isaac. The court hall was nearly empty. 

“Congratulations,” Asirel stated when you stepped outside, straightening his white tie. “I must say, I’m honored. In our line of work, we attend more funerals than weddings, so this is a very welcome change.”

“Thank you for coming,” Isaac replied, intertwining his fingers with yours, “It’s a shame you declined the invitation for dinner, but we’ll take an undisturbed honeymoon as compensation.”

You laughed, nudging Isaac’s shoulder playfully as you observed the small smile spreading across Asirel’s face. “I promise. You will not hear anything from me during your little Italy vacation. How long are you staying?”

“We have yet to decide,” you answered, raising an eyebrow at Isaac, who just smirked back at you. “But the flight goes next Friday.”

“Don’t expect us back too soon,” Isaac added, eyeing the person approaching, a bouquet in their hands. 

“Right on time,” Asirel said, taking the flowers from them. Two bouquets were in his hands, beautiful white roses mixed with smaller red ones, nicely arranged in a collection that probably cost more than most people’s weekly salary. 

“Lastly, not the most traditional wedding gift, I know,” he said, handing one to you and one to Isaac. He took a few steps back, pulling out his phone. “Smile,” he said, snapping pictures until he looked pleased. “Not the most traditional, but I think they suit the two of you. Enjoy your time together.”

He did not need to say it, but you heard the silent warning in Asirel’s words all the same. The second part of the sentence hung heavy in the air as you thanked him, taking your leave to return home, now married — enjoy your time together while you still can.

Mortality was a grim truth you had yearned to forget about on your wedding day. It was a day for celebration, after all. Celebrating love, celebrating each other, the time you had together, and the time still to come while vowing to be one another’s crutch, no matter the challenge. 

It was hard to forget about the threat hanging over your heads due to the nature of your work. It was hard to disregard the eerie silence in the court hall or the private, almost lonely car ride home as both you and Isaac sunk into a pensive mood. 

You had both lost so much and had faced heartache and heartbreak and grief that could fill more than one lifetime. In the end, your loss had left you both alone, which only made it so much more special that you now officially had each other.

It made silent tears of happiness appear in your eyes, knowing that Isaac would be by your side, knowing you did not have to face life alone anymore. He had reassured you of that plenty of times long before you entertained the idea of marriage, but there was something so secure about being able to call him your husband. 

It felt as if you had finally become one. 

“What a day, huh?” Isaac chuckled, opening the door for you and loosening his tie, “I never thought I’d—” he cleared his throat, a sudden surge of emotions overtaking him as he looked away.

You placed your fingers on his chin, guiding him to face you. “I never thought I’d marry either,” you confessed, looking into his eyes to convey your earnestness, “least of all you, the love of my life. My knight. My husband.” 

Isaac hummed at your words, closing the gap between you with a deep kiss. You reached up a hand to cradle his face, feeling your heart flutter as he melted under your touch. “I love you,” he murmured, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you tighter against his chest. “So much. I love you so much, I cannot express it.”

“I love you too,” you said, resting your head against his shoulder with a content sigh. You saw the gentle orange glow through the window, the sky outside illuminated by the setting sun. “Are you ready for the celebration?”

Isaac furrowed his brows in confusion. “What celebration?” he asked, trailing his hands down your sides until they rested on your hips, making you shudder. “Unless you mean—?” he purred, but you stepped out of his embrace before he could complete the thought.

“Wait there,” you said, rushing to the kitchen to collect the little surprise you had prepared earlier, taking a moment to tend to the bouquets. When you returned with a picnic basket, Isaac raised an eyebrow before realization dawned on him. His playful smile suddenly became serious. 

“You mean—?” he began, voice shaky. 

“We should celebrate with them, don’t you think?” you asked, wrapping an arm around him and walking to the door together. Isaac hesitated, reassured by your smile and the comforting hold you had on him as you led him through the garden to the spot where his family lay buried. “I’m sure they’d like that,” you said, spreading a blanket  beside the tombstones and radiant flowers.

“Yes,” was all Isaac could muster as he knelt on the blanket next to you, tears blurring his vision as he sucked in a sharp breath. 

It was the snap of the dull ache he had felt in his heart for weeks leading up to this day, knowing there was nobody left to celebrate with — knowing he would never feel the gentle squeeze on his shoulder from his grandfather, giving him a tight smile and supportive nod at having found his happiness, knowing he would never get to see his father’s proud smile as he waited for the love of his life to walk down the aisle, knowing he would never feel his mother’s loving hug as she told him how proud of him she was for following his heart and finding the person he wanted to face life together with. 

“I’m sorry,” he choked, burying his face in his hands while his shoulders shook with sobs. You wrapped your arms around him, holding him through his gasping breaths. “I’m so— sorry,” Isaac cried, raising his head to look at you, his expression utterly heart-wrenching. You could see the shame, the longing, and the excruciating pain in his eyes, everything he usually kept so well hidden.

You shushed him gently, guiding his head to rest against your shoulder and tracing soothing circles across his back. He held onto you tightly as if you were the only thing keeping him together, the only thing keeping him from losing himself in his grief.

“Forgive me,” he said hoarsely after his sobs had calmed and the trembling of his body turned into an occasional shudder, “I know we should celebrate, but I— I can’t help this feeling of— of—”

“Sadness?” you proposed, planting a kiss against the top of his head. “Regret?”

“Never regret,” Isaac said wetly, looking into your eyes. “Yearning. I—I wish they were here,” he croaked, holding onto you tighter as if fearing you would slip away from him as well. “I wish you could have met them. I wish my father would have made a toast. I wish my mother would have— I wish they could have been there. I wish they were here with us. God, I miss them.”

“I know. I’ve got you,” you said, laying down on the blanket and pulling Isaac with you slowly. You were on your back, looking up at the sky and the quickly fading light while Isaac nuzzled into your side, his arm draped around your waist to hold you close. “They’d be so proud of you, Isaac,” you whispered, running a hand through his hair as you felt him shakily inhale.

He nodded silently, tears choking him up as the impact of your words fully registered. He had tried all his life to live up to the standard they set — be as thorough as his grandfather, as dutiful as his father, as compassionate as his mother — and spent night tossing and turning, wondering if he had become a person worthy of their legacy. 

It hurt, being left to wonder. He missed his family so painfully, and their absence today was simply too much for him to bear. It had felt like a stab in the heart when he had taken a look around the nearly empty courthouse, seeing who wasn’t there with him anymore. 

Asirel’s warning still echoed in his head — while you still can — and as Isaac looked up at you through tears in his eyes, he vowed to himself to cherish every moment he had left with you. 

“I love you,” he rasped, pulling himself up briefly to lean over you and plant a kiss against your forehead. “Thank you, I love you.”

You reached up a hand to cradle his cheek, wiping away the remaining tears. Isaac hummed, bending down to kiss you properly. He could feel your smile against his lips, your free hand tangling in his hair as he deepened the kiss.

“I love you too,” you said as you broke apart, intertwining your hand with Isaac’s. You brought them to your lips, the matching ring on them a testament to your love. “My husband.”

Isaac broke into a beaming smile, his eyes shining with affection and adoration as if he had only now fully realized it. “Yes,” he chuckled, radiant with happiness despite the bittersweet feeling in his chest. He could not shake what he had lost, not even on his wedding day. “All yours, Pickle. For as long as you’ll have me, I’m yours.”

The sun had set long before you opened the basket to retrieve the Japanese dishes you had prepared, and you ate in the gentle glow of candlelight, remembering the time you had already spent together and making plans for the future. The night was warm and crystal clear, allowing you to stargaze until the morning sun came up. 

“Did you see that?” you asked, pointing to the spot where the light of a falling star had quickly flashed. “Make a wish, husband dear.”

Isaac blinked away the tears of joy — he feared he would never get used to you calling him your husband — held you close and made a wish for this happiness to last forever.

[nayziiz]

Stay | LN4

Summary: A new romantic prospect puts things into perspective in the best and worst ways possible.

Pairing: Lando Norris x OC (Cara)

Warnings: Angst, suggested smut and fluff

Author's Note: Thank you for voting! Here's the final chapter. Thank you for the love on this series. More LN4 series to come.

Masterlist

Chapter 8 - Final Chapter

The first rays of dawn began to seep through the curtains, casting a warm golden glow across the room. Lando stirred awake, the events of the previous night replaying in his mind like a vivid dream. He glanced over at Cara, her face peaceful and serene as she slept beside him, their limbs still intertwined from their night of passion.

For a moment, he simply watched her, the rise and fall of her chest, the soft curve of her lips, the way a stray lock of hair fell across her forehead. It was a sight that filled him with a sense of peace he hadn't felt in a long time.

As the morning light grew brighter, Cara began to stir, her eyelids fluttering open to reveal a pair of eyes that were still hazy with sleep. She turned to look at Lando, a soft smile playing on her lips as their gazes locked.

“Morning,” she whispered, her voice still husky from sleep.

“Morning,” Lando replied, his hand reaching out to gently brush the hair from her face. He couldn't resist the urge to kiss her again, his lips capturing hers in a slow, tender embrace that quickly deepened, their passion reigniting with the new day.

Cara responded eagerly, her fingers tangling in his hair as she pulled him closer. The feel of her body against his, the taste of her lips, the way her breath hitched when he kissed her just right—it was intoxicating. Every touch, every kiss, every shared breath was a reminder of the connection they had forged the night before, a bond that went beyond mere physical desire.

As they pulled apart, both breathing heavily, Lando rested his forehead against hers, his eyes closed as he savoured the moment. "How did you sleep?" he asked, his voice a low, rumbling whisper.

“Better than I have in a long time,” she admitted, her smile growing wider as she snuggled closer to him, her head resting on his chest.

“It's your last day in Monaco,” Lando reminded her, his voice tinged with sadness.

“I know. Don’t remind me,” she moaned, the thought of going back to London weighing heavy on her, knowing she had to leave him behind in Monaco.

"Hey," Lando said softly, lifting her chin with his finger so she met his gaze. "This isn’t the end for us. We’ll make it work."

“I know, but it’s just so hard to leave you… especially after all the drama to get here,” Cara nodded, her eyes brimming with tears, a lump forming in her throat.

“We’ll figure it out,” he promised, pulling her into a tight embrace.

They spent their last day together wandering through the streets of Monaco, making the most of every moment. They visited their favourite spots, shared laughs over coffee, and held hands as they walked along the harbour. It was a bittersweet day, filled with the joy of being together and the looming sadness of saying goodbye.

As evening fell, they returned to Lando’s apartment. The reality of her departure hit hard as he helped her pack her bags and prepared for the trip to the airport. Lando held her close, unwilling to let go as they stood in the middle of his bedroom, emotions higher than ever.

“I’ll come visit you in London as soon as I can,” he assured her, his voice thick with emotion.

“And I’ll be counting down the days until you do,” she replied, her tears finally spilling over.

At the airport, they shared a lingering kiss, pouring all their love and hope into that single moment. Max and Pietra watched on; happy that their friends finally found love in each other, but also sad to see them separate so soon after. As she walked away, Lando watched her go, his heart aching with the separation but also filled with the certainty that their love would withstand the distance.

Back in London, Cara found herself missing Lando intensely, but their frequent calls and video chats helped bridge the gap. They fell into a routine, finding comfort in their virtual connection and making plans for their next visit.

Months passed, and true to his word, Lando visited Cara in London whenever his schedule allowed and she travelled to Monaco for short trips in between race weekends. Each reunion was a joyous celebration of their love, their bond growing stronger with each passing day. They navigated the challenges of a long-distance relationship with determination and trust, knowing that their love was worth every sacrifice.

One crisp autumn day, as they walked hand in hand through a London park, Lando paused, pulling Cara close.

“I’ve been thinking,” he began, his eyes serious but filled with love. “What if we made this permanent?”

“What do you mean?” Cara’s heart skipped a beat as she looked up at him.

“I mean, what if we found a way to be together all the time? No more long-distance. I could get a place here, or you could move to Monaco. We don’t have to decide now, but it’s something we could think about,” Lando suggested.

“I would love that, Lando. More than anything,” she nodded, tears of joy threatening to spill.

“You, babygirl, are the single greatest thing to have happened to me,” Lando gushed, his eyes brimming with sincerity and affection.

“Stop it, or I’m going to ugly cry all the way back home,” she playfully slapped his chest, trying to lighten the emotional weight of his words.

“No, I’m serious,” Lando continued, capturing her hand in his and holding it against his heart. “I don’t know where we would have been if you didn’t ask me to stay with you that night.”

Cara’s eyes sparkled with a mix of amusement and emotion.

“It’s a good thing I did, then,” she teased, leaning in to kiss his cheek, feeling the warmth of his skin against her lips.

They stood there for a moment, soaking in the gravity of their journey together. The trials they had faced, the love they had nurtured, and the future they were eagerly stepping into. Cara wrapped her arms around Lando’s waist, resting her head against his chest.

With their hearts set on a shared future, they began to make plans, knowing that whatever came their way, they would face it together. Their love, tested and proven, was ready to take on the world, one step at a time.

[chaotic-mystery]

WHERE YOU LEFT ME

Pairing: Frankie Morales x reader

Summary: You meet Frankie for a date and reminisce about your relationship.

Content Warnings: MAJOR character death. No movie AU but fuck Tom. This is overall angst heavy and please take care of yourself. Grief & loss, sadness, memories, I think that’s it? It’s just overall a bittersweet and tragically lovesick story. There’s no physical descriptions of reader other than wearing a black dress at one point and having hair that tickles Frankie’s nose. no y/n used

Authors Note: hello my babies I am finally dropping this. It’s been an idea I had for months and I almost scrapped it but then I thought, no! Post it anyway! So here we go. It’s heavily inspired by Tim McGraw by Taylor Swift but it’s not required to listen to it to read the story. (Although if you’re like me and love a good cry, i recommend listening) I’ll meet you at the end of this with tissues and candy, okay? 🩵 thank you @pr0ximamidnight for beta reading this for me and I’m sorry for making you sob. || wc: 1.3k|| beautiful divider by @/saradika-graphics 🩵

“Hi honey, I missed you. Hope you aren’t too mad I’m runnin’ late.”

You smile and sit next to Frankie on the ground right on top of the red picnic blanket, food spread out from corner to corner. The assortment of favorite sweets and dishes makes you smile harder, getting comfortable right next to him.

“Finally went out shopping today for the first time in a while. I hadn’t seen my friends in so long, I’m surprised they answered when I offered to go out. We took the backroads home and it reminded me of when your truck used to get stuck back in high school, those long ass nights we should’ve been home studying but you wanted to go for a drive. You’d take us out to the lake and dance with me. Remember that? It was fun before my dad caught us and chased us back to the truck.”

You giggle and rest against him, blinking a few times as a breeze of cold and crisp October air rushes by you. Licking your lips, you continue.

“I found a note from years ago when I was looking for those one pair of shoes you know I hate wearing, the ones I have to wear when-”

You cut yourself off, not wanting to bring up that day. Not yet.

Pulling the folded piece of lined paper out of your coat pocket, you sniffle from the chilly weather and begin to read aloud the note. “This was from the day you were shipping out for basic and god was I pissed at you. We woke up and realized summer was gone, we were adults.”

“Frankie, when you read this you’ll probably be on the way to Texas, and I’ll be in Georgia, right where you left me. I told your mama I’d write to you every chance I got, and I mean that. That also means when I’m mad at you for leaving. I hope when you’re lying awake in your cot at night, you look up and our song starts to play, that one Tim McGraw song. You remember what I was wearing, the perfume embedded in my skin, the way my hair tickled your nose when you’d hug me.

By no means is this a goodbye letter. I’m in it forever with you, Frankie. I want you to come back home safely so we can start the family we’ve always wanted. Why did you have to leave me? Why was this the best solution for us? We were making it, we were fine. We were good. I was happy with our little apartment and my shitty 9-5 job while you worked on cars. Promise me you’ll come home safe. I need you here with me.

I love you endlessly, you have no idea. You make it hard to be mad when I remember how you’d tell me my eyes put the stars to shame every time I looked at you. That’s still a lie to this day. I’m already counting down the days until you’re back with me and I thought it would somehow make it easier but it doesn’t. I’ll be waiting right here for you, wearing that little black dress you love so much.

We’ll start our family and get that house on the outskirts of town like you told me we would. I already have dog names picked out for the dog we’re gonna adopt too.

P.s. the ring doesn’t have to be too expensive.

Love you always.”

Taking a deep breath in, you wipe your tears on your corduroy brown pants, looking around at all the people walking by in the distance. Grabbing a green grape from the plate next to your leg, you chew it up and rest back against your hands, the soft blanket shielding you from the cold ground.

“I got a new job a few months ago, I forgot to tell you. I'm in HR now which is fun. I get to listen to people complain about who ate whose lunch, hire more clowns who hope to climb the social ladder, that kind of thing. It has its good and bad days. Honestly though, it makes me forget about all the shit I have going on in my head. I get to focus on everyone else but myself for a day. I know, I know, an office job?”

You sit up straight and cross your legs before continuing.

“I needed something to pay the bills and I couldn’t stay a waitress forever. The tips were good but I couldn’t afford our apartment on that alone. Robert still calls me from time to time asking if I want a Friday night shift. I didn’t think he’d remember how I used to love those. You’d come in after being with Santi and Ben all day and want beers while you stayed until we closed, always wanting to be near me with what little time we did have. Just seeing you sitting on that barstool watching college football, eating those disgusting cheese sticks was enough to make me keep going for the night.”

And it was.

Frankie being there when he was off duty meant a lot to you.

You kneel down in front of him and you can feel the tears pricking your eyes once more as your scarf blows to the right a little.

“I left a note on your mama’s porch the other day. I know she doesn’t live there anymore but I just, it was the first time I’d gone back to your street since, ya know. By now I’m sure you know what I wrote in it, but just in case you don't. I hope you still think about me when you think Tim McGraw. It’ll bring you back to that place of us out there by the lake with my head on your chest, dancing all night like two lovesick teenagers. I hope it makes you happy, Frankie. I hope you know it means everything to me, still. After all these years.”

You finally crack and break down, leaning your forehead on the picnic blanket, the tears soaking into the fabric immediately. Muffled and choked out sobs leap from your lips and you clutch your throat, trying to calm yourself down enough to breathe.

“I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to you, Frankie. You left me here with n-nothing.” You fiddle with your fingers and rub the spot on your ring finger where a ring should be sitting. Yet only a faint line from the ring Frankie won you out of a quarter machine was left. It didn’t feel right wearing it without him so you gave it back on that terrible day in September when the entire month seemed flooded out by tears. You tucked it right in his jacket pocket before you left.

That was the worst day of your life.

You sigh deeply and touch the cold granite headstone, the smallest picture of Frankie looking back at you.

“I love you so much. I’ll be back tomorrow to change your flowers. It’s my first winter without you here and I can’t stop thinking about how cold you must be, baby. I wish you were back in our apartment in my arms how you used to let me hold you.”

Laying down until your face was pressed against the ground, you sniffle again and whimper out as you think about him being cold.

“Frankie, I'm so sorry. I’m sorry I can’t get you out of that wooden box. I hope wherever you are in the universe, you’re safe and warm and can feel all the love I still have for you. There’s just too much left over and I’m not sure what to do with it, honey. What do I do with it? What do I do with all this love that was supposed to last us forever?”

You never did get the ring but you got an endless supply of memories from knowing him and loving him. Truly loving him.

You curl up into a little ball and hold yourself while you continue to cry, twiddling a leaf between your fingers. Eventually the whimpers turned into soft and broken hums of that one Tim McGraw song.

Hugs and kisses and tissues are complimentary 💚

[ponds-of-ink]

The Certified Pond Analysis of Scraptrap Voicelines

Because I haven’t talked about this rabbit’s voice lines as much as I should.

Buckle up. This is gonna get wordy.

-

So, going in the order of this video, we have:

“I always come back!”

The most quoted Afton line. And understandably so. This is the man at his most triumphant, even with his.. questionable suit-repair choices. The emphasis on “always” as well as the moderately louder volume really sells that confident air Springtrap continues to have in FNAF AR. Though, as we’ll soon see, this is not the only emotion he feels as Scraptrap.

(Also, before we continue: This gives me the first point on the “I can hear the smile in his voice” scoreboard. It’s a surprise tool that should help us later.)

”Bittersweet, but fitting”

…And by “later”, I apparently mean now.

There may be a smirk at the end, but it’s not a strong one. The overall line read is much more reserved here. Maybe even somber, if I’m inferring correctly. The choice of words is interesting here too. Whoever’s the owner of the Pizza Sim building, he may not be as fond of jumpscaring them as one would think…

”What a deceptive calling! I knew it was a lie the moment I heard it— Obviously, but it is intriguing nonetheless…”

Ah, yes. The big monologue post-Salvage. Couple of things I noticed here that aren’t debatable lore implications:

(1) Man’s rushing through that second half for some reason. Don’t know if that was an editing error, an intentional line read, or Scraptrap trying to.. reason with himself? Sound smarter than he thinks he is? I dunno, something about the pacing is off here.

(2) Oh, hey, first line with a “snake hiss”! This isn’t a consistent trait with his lines, but it’s a key feature that I use to differentiate Springtrap and Scraptrap during voice impressions.

(3) This man puts so much emphasis on words sometimes. So much so that I can not only hear the smile near the end, but I can also feel the eye roll during “deceptive”. And PJ Heywood never voice acted before FNAF apparently? H u h.

Anyway, moving on before I start implying that Scrap-Trap might’ve been lured in by a newspaper or something…

“Fascinating! What they have become…”

Another point to the “I can hear the smile” board. We’re on three points now; three and a half if you count “Bittersweet”.

This one I’ve already brought up before, but the abridged analysis is: This guy (unlike Glitch-Trap in that one Security Breach trailer) actually compliments his.. uh.. teammates? Workmates? ..Just realized that the relationship dynamic between the Salvage Gang doesn’t have an official term. Bummer.

That aside, it’s genuinely interesting that he doesn’t diss them at all. You think he would given his reputation, but no. He just has this twisted sense of “oh wow they’re so cool”.

…Come to think of it, has he directly dissed somebody in the games specifically? I’m not even sure if the “Deceptive Calling” monologue or the AR Springtrap lines count. AR Springtrap tends to boast about himself more than put the player down and Scraptrap was having an ‘I’m smarter than that lol” moment.

If I’m right, then I think I may have found a proper difference between a pretend Mimic Afton and the real one. Huh.

“How can I resist a promise such as this?”

Getting back to the main topic, we’ve got a return for the snake hiss and the emphasis on certain words. Also, add another point to “I can hear the smile”— Except it’s more of a smug grin than a bizarre, wide-eyed look of wonder.

Not sure what that promise is post-jumpscare, but I do know that this has a chance to play during the office sections. So the promise is either Henry’s lure or seeing his son Mike one last time. I dunno, dude, it’s all vague to me.

”That was easier than I thought it would be…”

AKA The line that makes me wonder “Dude, you good?”

No seriously. The quick halt in-between the second and third word. The sudden choke that happens at the end. Like his voice just properly broke for the first time in ages. The overall somberness of it all. There is literally no smile here and I’ve checked. There may even be tears starting to well up, but I obviously can’t be sure.

It’s even implied that he thought he’d had a tougher time fighting the owner! He actually assumed he wouldn’t win this easily!

Something about this feels.. unnerving. He’s not supposed to sound this upset. At least, not usually. So what, pray tell, is going on with this voice line?? Why was this the take Scott used??

“You may not recognize me at first, but I assure you: It’s still me”

Well, that’s one more point for the “I can hear the smile” board. Also, I believe this is confirmation of that ‘Springtrap switched suits after FNAF 3’ theory? That’s what it sounds like, at least?

But, hey, at least Scrap-Trap is canonically aware of the sudden shift in appearance. Let’s hope his potential FNAF World 2 version isn’t as nervous about it as I assume FNAF 6 him would be… If he had access to the internet, of course.

Also, for the one person who may or may not care about this: He’s using contractions here. I think it’s been established that he only uses these at certain times, but I can’t remember where exactly I read that analysis. Anyway, he’s unafraid about “slipping up” at this point.

One more thing…

Compared to AR Springtrap, Scraptrap is much more.. casual in tone, if that’s the best way to put it. Much more low energy, though his antics are anything but.

Like, yes, he’s still coming for you if you keep letting ads play on your computer. But maybe he’ll let you live for a few seconds longer just so you could turn the ad off? He’s not in a rush, as far as I can tell.

Maybe that’s another reason why my brain jumps to Scraptrap more than Springtrap. If he wasn’t tied to this “attacking the guard” business, he could probably chill for a second and give advice on paperwork. Wouldn’t last for long, of course, but at least one could potentially die knowing that you drank coffee with a much more business-savvy Spring Bonnie… Grungy though he looks. Springtrap, on the other hand, wouldn’t give you the time of day.

TL;DR:

PJ Heywood put more nuance into this guy than even I was expecting. Big round of applause, genuinely.

[boxofbonesfic]

Title: Happy New Year (A Doppelgänger interlude)

Pairing: Ransom x Reader, Lloyd x Reader

Summary: Your fiance has a special New Years surprise for you. 

Warnings: Dubcon/Noncon, Dark!Ransom, Lloyd Hansen is his own warning, Switching Places, Alcohol, Mind games, Darkfic, Smut, Dead Dove: Do not eat, MINORS DNI!!

A/N: so lots of people have been asking when the first time they switched places on reader was… happy new year, everyone! divider by @firefly-graphics​

“I’m sorry, Sweetheart. I’m just not going to make it home.” Ransom sounds genuinely apologetic over the phone. “Something came up. Harlan’s sick—could be bad.” Your heart sinks as he says it. You don’t want to feel anything but empathy, but instead, bitter jealousy curls in your stomach alongside it. After all, you’re family too, aren’t you? You’re engaged, aren’t you? 

 When do I get to come first? You feel guilty even thinking it—after all, it isn’t like Ransom hasn’t put you first in all sorts of other ways. But you’re lonely, and you miss him. You’ve been alone in this big house since just after Christmas, and it’s starting to get to you. His “day or two” visit had become three, become four—and now you were standing alone amidst the various holiday decorations you’d put up in anticipation of his arrival. 

 “That sounds terrible,” you say, swallowing down the bitter frustration. After all, it isn’t his fault. You know he’s in charge of so much at the publishing company, and you don’t want to complain. “When do you think you’ll be home?”

 I know it’s a shitty way to spend your New Year’s,” Ransom says. “No need to sugarcoat it.”

 “I just… dammit, Ran, you know I miss you,” your teeth sink into your trembling lower lip. You don’t want to cry, dammit, you’re not one of those girls who can’t spend a weekend without their fiancé. You feel silly even being upset. 

 “I know, Sweetheart. I miss you too. I promise, I’ll fly home tomorrow, and we’ll have a belated New Years party. Just you and me. Okay?” He sounds so earnest, it’s hard not to forgive him instantly. 

 “Okay.” 

 “Don’t say it like that, baby. I promise, we’ll make it special, okay?” 

 “Okay, Ran,” you say, a small watery smile crossing your features. He can’t see it, but his relieved sigh tells you he can feel the tension easing between you as well. “And you’ll call at midnight?”

 “Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

 You hang up the phone, and stare dejectedly at your festively decorated house. Even though Ransom’s only coming home a day later, it all feels like wasted effort now, like you invited all your friends to your birthday party and not a single one of them showed. You kick at one of the silver balloons littering the living room floor, and it pops, showering both you and the carpet in brightly colored paper confetti. 

 Maybe it was silly to go to all of this effort, but… you want things to be special. First New Years together, first apartment together—a year of firsts that you’d completed together. It feels bittersweet to be alone now, but you swallow it. You sigh, shoving more balloons off of the couch and collapsing onto it. 

 Maybe it’s not too late to call Nat.

 Your sister texted you just the day before to ask if you had any special New Year’s plans, maybe it’s not too late to tag along with her. You grab your phone. It’s not too late, only a little past six as you pull up her contact info, and punch the green button to dial her. 

 “—as anyway. Hello?”

 “Oh, hey, Nat.” You can hear muffled laughter and the low murmur of conversation in the background. “You busy?”

 “Just pre-gaming before we go out,” she says. That rich, deep laugh sounds again, and your cheeks heat. You hadn’t realized Nathalie’s we included a male friend. “Your boo-thang home yet?”

 You let out an awkward laugh. “Ugh, no. He, um. He got held up, family stuff. I was wondering if you wanted to come over? Maybe hang out tonight?” Even as you’re speaking, you hear someone on the other end groan frustratedly. 

 “Come on, Nattie,” The deep male voice is just loud enough for you to hear. “You said you were gonna make me see stars. Was that all talk?” 

 “I would,” You can practically hear the sly smile on her lips. “But I kind of… already made plans, if you catch my drift.” There’s a loud slap, and Nathalie’s girly giggle makes you roll your eyes. “I can stop by after?” 

 “I don’t think you’ll be walking after,” you retort. “Don’t worry about it. Happy New Year.” 

 You shuffle around the house irritatedly, trying to find something to do with yourself that doesn’t remind you of just how alone you are tonight.  Depressingly, you settle on chores. You throw a load of laundry into the washer in the hallway, and meander back to the living room. You know your little decoration whirlwind will only be a hassle later, but you can’t bring yourself to take them down. The bottle of prosecco you picked up at the liquor store is still sitting in its melting ice bath on the coffee table, the two glasses next to it sadly empty. 

 “Happy New Year to me,” you mumble, climbing over the back of the couch and landing on the pillows with a dramatic oof. You reach for the bottle, carefully undoing the aluminum contradiction that keeps the cork in place. It pops out, skittering away underneath one of the living room chairs for you to find later. You pay the errant cork no mind, and pour yourself a liberal glass. 

 Bitterly, you hold it up to the quiet air in a mock toast. 

 “First drink of the night,” you say, downing half of it in a single gulp. The bubbles tickle your nose, but the alcohol is sweet and palatable. You finish the glass and pour another, reaching for the remote. By the time you've finished your second glass, the alcohol is sitting warmly in your belly, and the bitter, angry feeling roiling in the back of your mind is both less obtrusive and somehow more present than ever. Aimlessly, you flip through channels, watching other people celebrate the new year as you slide progressively further and further into the bottle. 

 After you finish your fourth glass you don't bother with it anymore, instead swigging straight from the bottle. The comfortable warmth settling in your tummy is spreading out, down your limbs, into your fingers, making your head loll as you lay there. You squint at the cable box—10:45. A whole hour and fifteen minutes left of this year. 

 The dryer dings, and you groan. “Stupid thing,” you mumble, staggering to your feet. Doing laundry while drunk is a skill set, you decide as you make your way to the hall closet, the floor tilting dangerously under your feet. There's a bang that echoes down the front hallway as you open the laundry room door, and you squint at the dryer, swaying as you try to place the noise. It sounds again, and it takes your liquor muddied brain a few seconds to understand—

 It's the door. 

 “One second,” you say, hoping the words don’t sound as slurred to the person on the other side of it as they do to you. “M'Coming.” You eye yourself in the hallway mirror, and practice walking in a straight line before you reach for the door handle. “How can I—Ran?” Your husband's face cracks into a wide grin as you blink at him. “How—?” You hiccup, covering your mouth as your cheeks warm with embarrassment . 

 “Happy new year, Princess.” He steps over the threshold, wiping his shoes on the mat. You're so happy to see him, you practically throw yourself into his arms, sniffling. He smells good, like pine and leather. gold chain under his turtleneck rubs against your cheek through the fabric as you bury your face in the crook of his neck. 

 “II thought you had to, um. Harlan,” you try to make the alcohol added words make sense on your loose tongue. “Sick?” He chuckles, cupping your chin. 

 “Someone's had a few,” he says with a laugh, and you giggle up at him. “Besides, I needed to see my girl,” he says, drawing his thumb affectately over the apple of your cheek. “I missed you… ” He trails off, his eyes focusing on something behind you. “Did you do this?” Ransom gestures to the decorations. You nod, another hiccup forcing its way up through your lips. 

 “I w-wanted to surprise you. Do you like it, Ran?”

 “I love it.” His responding laugh is dark with an emotion you can't name. He leans down to kiss you, his mouth moving hungry against yours. You kiss him back, and then wrinkle your nose, frowning as you pull away . 

 “You grew out your beard,” you say, drawing a finger across the mustache sitting just above his upper lip. “So fast…?” He chuckles. 

 "I'll shave it tomorrow." He kisses you again, moaning into your mouth. "Fuckin' sweet," he mumbles, worrying your plump lower lip between his teeth. He pulls away, panting, his eyes dark. a drink, Princess,” he says lowly. “I need to catch up.” 

 You're acutely aware of your stumbling as you head back to the kitchen for the other bottle chilling in the fridge. Ransom saves you the trouble of opening it, popping the cork and pouring himself a glass. He refills your discarded flute, and the two of you drink together. 

 “You really outdid yourself, baby,” he says, nodding at the brightly colored, festive streamers hanging in the doorways. You can't help but beam a little proudly at him.

 “I thought you would like it,” you say, taking a sip from your glass when Ransom indicates that you should, tapping the stem as if to say bottoms up. 

 "Can't ring in the new year sober, can we?" He says, topping your glass back up before its even empty. "I love it. I can't believe I almost missed it," he says, shaking his head . You watch as he rounds the kitchen island, placing his hands on your shoulders. “Getting close now, aren't we, Princess?” He asks, his hands straying underneath the hem of your plain pajama shorts. “We should get ready to count down." 

 He walks you back out to the living room and flips on the television, a snowy Times Square appearing on the flat-screen. The music is almost too loud, and the room spins around you as Ransom leads you back to the couch. The champagne glass in your hand slips from your fingers, landing on the carpet with a soft tinkle as the stem snaps neatly in two.

 “R-Ran, we sh-should—” You don't remember sitting down, but suddenly you are, splayed messily across the sofa as Ransom climbs over you. Your skin burns hot from the alcohol, and you whine as his cool fingers press into your hips. 

 “I'll clean it up later.” The low sultry purr makes you shiver. You can't shake the niggling feeling that something is wrong, but Ransom won't let you think. He kisses down your jaw, nibbling at your throat as he sandwiches you between his hard chest and the couch cushions. He slides down, his knees hitting the carpet with a muffled thud as he stars up at you from between your thighs.

You don't remember him sliding your shorts off, but as his breath puffs across your moist, swollen folds, he licks his lips. 

 "Even prettier than I thought you'd be." Something about his words gives you pause, but as you struggle to sit up, Ransom's arms tightened around your thighs, pulling you forward until your hips dangle off the edge of the couch, your thighs slung over his shoulders. “That's better.” The harsh rasp of his mustache against your cunt is lost in the sensation of his tongue sliding through your folds. 

 You can't even remember what you were going to complain about, the words lost in the hiss of air through your clenched teeth. Ransom does it again, parting your soft, puffy lips to circle your slick entrance with his tongue. 

 “Princess, you better start counting,” Ransom says cheekily, “or you’re going to miss it.” 

 “T-ten. Nine— oh fuck,” you whimper, your hips rolling against his face as Ransom’s tongue flicks expertly at your clit. “R-Ran—”

 "I said count, Princess." 

 "F-five, four, three— God—!" You're barely aware of the sound of your phone ringing somewhere else in the house, but you can't focus on it, not when Ransom is curling his fingers inside you like that and—

 You press your head back into the cushions, staring unseeingly at the ceiling as you cum with a whimper, your thighs clenching tightly around Ransom's head. You try to pull away, but his grip only tights, his tongue lashing against your clit as your cries grow louder, ringing in your own ears. 

 "Ransom, Ran I c-can't, I can't—!" You babble gibberish down at him as your toes curl. He doesn't move, though, doesn't relinquish his grip until you're dragged down underneath the current of sticky pleasure again. You go limp, tears leaking out of the corners of your eyes and down into your hair as you struggle to catch your breath. 

 “Happy New Year!” The television hosts jump excitedly as silver and gold confetti rain down around them. Auld Lang Syne blares from your television speakers as Ransom leans back on his knees, admiring the sloppy mess between your thighs. 

 “Happy New Year, Princess,” he echoes softly, drawing a finger through your trembling folds. You whine, trying to close your thighs around his hand. “Let's make it a good one.” 

[randomxreaders]

The transfer

Bau Team x Fem Reader,

Emily Prentiss x Fem Reader

not my gif☺️

A/n: Okay guys so i’ve decided to make this a lil Emily Prentiss reader ofc the rest of the team will still be involved throughout but i love em sooo! anyway hope yall like this lmk if you want longer or shorter type chapters thank you thank you hope you enjoy!!

Part 2: family dinner

Y/n left the filled out files on Barnes desk causing her to look up “Oh it’s you, here take these to look over it’s your new team. Congratulations agent.” Y/n silently took the files and walked back to the bullpen. As she walked into the room her now former team was waiting for her return. “Do you really have to leave?” Penelope asked tears welling up in her eyes. “It’s not my choice penny” Y/n pulls her in for a hug. “Can we all have one last family dinner together?” JJ asks. “Let’s let Y/n pack up her stuff and we can all meet up at the end of the day maybe?” Derek suggests. “That sounds perfect guys” Y/n says. Y/n packs up all of the things on and in her desk, slowly being erased from the BAU.

Once Y/n arrived at home she started packing up things there. The basics would be provided she still wanted her pictures, clothes and memories and had to break her original lease.

5 Hours later

The BAU team is having their last family dinner at Rossi’s house eating his classic italian three course meal. The night is bittersweet and filled with slight nostalgia. “You guys know this isn’t goodbye right, i’ll always be around and who knows maybe we’ll run into each other?” Y/n states “We will it just won’t be the same.” Spencer said. After the nice dinner the younger members of the team decided to go out for drinks, Hotch opted out as he needed to get home to Jack and Rossi had plans the next morning so they said their goodbyes after dinner.

Derek, Emily, JJ, Spencer, Penelope and Y/n went to the bar they all frequented often especially when they all needed a break.

The team sat at their usual table in those usual spots. Penny next to the wall and Derek, who is next to spencer and Y/n Emily and JJ across the booth. “You guys better come and visit me in California.” Y/n stated matter of factly. “Don’t worry Y/n/n we definitely will” Emily said giving you a side hug a little longer than usual and then taking her hand down to hold yours. Truth be told you and Emily had always been pretty close so this wasn’t out of the norm for you guys. But you had some unconfirmed feelings towards the stunning brunette especially because you didn’t know if they were reciprocated. The team sat around and drinking and reminisced on all the fond memories together and before they knew it, it was 1:00 am. “Shit guys i gotta go i have to be on the plane at 9 tomorrow” The team said their goodbyes promising to meet at the airport the next morning.