#we will soon see if i am remotely right but this is my two cents

[anamoon63]

RL and Sims update post + a thank you note

(Warning: long post ahead, read at your own risk).

I wrote this post to thank you guys for all the likes and comments you keep leaving on my posts, even though, as you may have noticed, I can't be here as often as I used to. Real life has taken over almost completely, as I think it should. There are too many things going on, with me, my family, my country, even my sims and other games, lol.

I'm not going to bore you with daily life problems, much less with sad and depressive stuff, or with previews of a story I don't know when/if I'll ever finish, the only thing I can tell you is that I'm still busy with a lot of work, (fortunately) and family stuff; plus, I (finally) started going to therapy (yes, at my age). So right now, I'm juggling even more things than I already was.

And so I wanted to thank you for sticking with me, for continuing to read the chaotic stories of my wacky characters without judging them; thank you as well for each and every message you have sent to my inbox, be it questions, or flowers and love; and to all of you who continue to tag me both on sims stuff and cute games, knowing that I most likely won't be able to answer you, really, thank you for continuing to think of me. Your messages soothe my heart in difficult moments, and I wish to answer them all, I just don't know when I will be able to do that, hopefully someday.

Now, my sims story. For those of you who might remotely still be interested, I'm currently revising the next few episodes of Time Traveler which I wrote earlier this year. To be honest, I don't know when they will be ready, I just know the story goes on and as soon as I have reviewed these episodes, I'll start taking the pictures. When will they be published? Frankly, I don't know. It could be early 2025, but no promises, as I don't have much free time on my hands now. I manage to write in the evenings, but in-game photo shoots are quite time consuming and have to be done in peace and privacy, of which I don't have much at the moment. So, if I do decide to publish these episodes, it will likely be early next year, and at a rather slow pace.

About my gameplay, in Sims 4 we will continue with the Wilsons until the end of the season (coming soon), and then we will take a small break. As for The Sims 3, we just finished Patrick's story in Bridgeport, so now we'll go back with The Cho Brothers. First, we'll take a brief trip to Lucky Palms with Terence and Cynthia Cho; then we'll spend a rather long time in Hidden Springs and Starlight Shores, to see what has happened with Tyron, the eldest of the Cho brothers. And last but not least, we'll go back to Uni with Dale and Kelly, who I hope will FINALLY graduate this year, hahaha.

Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I am not gone (yet), that if one day I decide to retire I will make a special post about it, I won't leave without saying goodbye, but that day seems far away at least for the moment. 

Now, regarding Inzoi…

I admit Inzoi has captured my interest. As usual, I'm late to the comment party, but I still want to put my two cents about this amazing game. Seeing the trailers and all those beautiful Inzois created by other simmers got me so excited, and at the same time, terribly frustrated to see that the demo didn't contain any gameplay. I need to actually play the game to give an opinion on it! So far it looks beautiful, though I must say that the character creator disappointed me because the sliders are Sims 4 style, which I've always found a bit complicated, I'll forever prefer the Sims 3 sliders, but hey, I had a lot of fun creating my own Inzois.

Hopefully the graphics and gameplay are as good as seen in the previews and its developers won't “break” it into multiple or turn the into a malfunctioning cash cow like EA did with The Sims 4, and to a certain extent, also with the Sims 3 in its time. I hope with Inzoi they'll go for a complete game, no matter if it's expensive, if I consider it is worth it, I'll give them my money as soon as it comes out.

That being said, it is important for me to clarify that I will not abandon The Sims 3 (or even Sims 4 though I don't play it much) for Inzoi. Ever. Neither do I plan to recreate my sims OCs/games in it, because my sims are exactly that, sims. If I ever get to play Inzoi it will be with entirely new characters, although I confess, I did try to reproduce two of my most beloved sims (a boy from the future and a college girl who is a model *wink*) and they turned out pretty well, but nowhere near as adorable as they look in The Sims 3. Plus, the environments in which those two OCs currently move could not be reproduced in Inzoi, at least as far as I know.

Okay, enough of Inzoi. In short: I'm not gone, I'm still here, I'm still reading all your stories, only at a much slower pace, two or 3 simblrs per day at the most. I'm going to read them all, just bear with me, and forgive me again if I don't always comment. Sometimes I don't even have the time or the energy for that. Believe me, 2024 has been an intense year in every possible way, sometimes I really need a break, but I try to be around and will always find a way to keep in touch, even if at times it seems like I'm nowhere to be found, I'll get back to you at some point.

That's all, thanks for reading this far! Have a nice and beautiful start of the week. 💗

P.S. I wrote this post three days ago, wish I had published it earlier, that way I probably wouldn't have gotten a notification that some Simblrs Community 'removed my membership'. When I clicked in said Simblrs Community icon, it said the community was 'private'. I don't know if that's some kind of automatic Tumblr thing, if there's a committee that decides about this, or if it was just a glitch in the matrix; whatever it was, I'm so sorry I wasn't able to be here to keep said membership. I didn't even know Simblr was a private membership. For what it's worth, it wasn't neglect or lack of interest for my part, just lack of time. I hope one day to be able to qualify again and be worthy of this membership. At any rate, I thank you for thinking of me and admitting me in your community in the first place.

[i-dreamed-i-had-a-son]

Alright I'm not *entirely* sure I know where I'm going with this but I'm gonna vaguely pull on my previous thought that the Loki series portrays Loki as other people see him to make sense of episode 4

I know some people were upset about how it seemed like the series was agreeing that Loki was a narcissist, so let's explore that, because I don't really think that's the case. In the Sif time loop scene, we see Loki say,

Please, please, no more. Please, I beg you. I'm a horrible person. I get it. I really am. I cut off your hair because I thought it'd be funny. And it's not. Uh... I crave attention... because I'm... (Sighs) I'm a... I'm a narcissist. And I suppose it's... It's because I'm scared of being alone.

He's clearly exhausted and wants the beating to stop. He also knows what Sif thinks of him (helpful that she's been repeating it), so he says what he knows she wants to hear--but here, as with Mobius in episode one, although he is being strategic with what he says, he's also being genuine, at least mostly. He's too drained to do anything else, and he knows it wouldn't work anyway.

Loki absolutely is scared of being alone. That's the core fear he has, which is why he wanted to be Thor's equal--he didn't want to be abandoned or forgotten about (which, coincidentally, is exactly the punishment Odin gives him in TDW...). That's why it's the last thing he says, why he stutters and pauses so much before getting there--and it also happens to be the thing that Sif keeps throwing back at him. By putting it last, he's hoping he won't have to hear it again. Beating her to the punch, per se. (I also think it's interesting that he says he "never thought about it again" after this event happened, but yet it is the one Mobius puts on a loop in order to "soften him up". Clearly, Loki did remember this as a very painful memory--probably because it hits on his deepest fear--and it's effective in exhausting him emotionally, just like the footage of his life was. It's interrogation prep so that he's already vulnerable when he gets to Mobius. But anyways.)

I think he somewhat believes the other things he says, but only because it's been beaten into him so many times. Loki wouldn't think he's a horrible person, but he knows Sif does, and Thor, and Odin, and the Avengers, and Mobius--so maybe he is? This self-doubt is particularly clear with the "narcissist" line. It's framed like an admission, and I think it's because he's started to believe it. But that's not because it's true, and we're not supposed to believe it either.

Loki has always adapted himself to meet other people's expectations, and that's exactly what he does in this interaction as in so many others. He doesn't really know who he is, just who other people think he is, and that person is a horrible one, so that's what he says about himself. And other characters certainly aren't disagreeing. Mobius throws the same kind of lines at him when interrogating him in episode 1:

Look at that smile! You're enjoying that!

(LOKI: I know what I am.) A murderer?

You're really good at doing awful things, and then just getting away.

You were born to cause pain and suffering and death.

And by the end of the episode, Loki is emotionally exhausted. He calls himself weak. And when Mobius says, "You do know yourself!" Loki responds with, "A villain?" All of Mobius' attacks on Loki's identity were effective enough that Loki supplies him with another negative identifier--playing into what he wants to hear, just like he does with Sif, to make the attacks stop.

But it's different in episode 4. Mobius tries the same tactic again, using a word Loki had just used to describe himself:

What a incredible seismic narcissist. You fell for yourself!

This comes after he tried to convince Loki that Sylvie was dead (thus leaving him alone), and it's very much structured to further play on that fear--the only person he could ever be close to (in any way) is himself. He is alone. And it's that thought that's juxtaposed with the narcissist barb. Mobius is defining Loki as a narcissist, not because it's true, but because he's trying to break Loki down.

In reality, Loki isn't narcissistic at all--wanting attention does not a narcissist make. The very fact that he can say "I'm a narcissist because I'm scared of being alone" shows that he isn't one; you aren't a narcissist "because" of something, you just are one! And he's just been told he is one so many times, by people strategically attacking him, he starts to internalize that thought. It reminds me a lot of how people would call Tony narcissistic (even in his Avengers file) and how despite that being untrue, he began associating self-preservation with narcissism and instead took on the responsibility of protecting the whole team at cost to himself. Tony wasn't narcissistic--he used attention-seeking as a cry for help. It's the same with Loki. He wants to be noticed because he doesn't want to be alone.

And it's that desire that's being attacked. Mobius calls him a narcissist for finding companionship in Sylvie, the only person who's even tried to genuinely get to know him. Mobius is trying to keep Loki isolated and emotionally distraught, since Loki is less formidable that way. But Loki holds his own, even getting in the final line. Because of Sylvie, those barbs don't have the same effect as they did before. In episode 1, Mobius says:

It's funny, for someone born to rule, you sure do lose a lot. You might even say it's in your nature.

But look at what Loki says in episode 4.

SYLVIE: Do you think that what makes a Loki a Loki is the fact that we're destined to lose?

LOKI: No. We may lose. Sometimes painfully. But we don't die. We survive. I mean, you did. You were just a child when the TVA took you, but you nearly took down the organization that claims to govern the order of time. You did it on your own. You ran rings around them. You're amazing!

And that's what starts the Nexus event. Loki directly goes against the definition and expectation of what a Loki is supposed to be. He finally defines himself, thanks to and through Sylvie, as someone who survives, someone who is independent, someone who can do anything, someone who "can be whoever and whatever he wants to be"--and the universe breaks.

[phoenixstartedthefire]

Late Nights and Candlelights

Okay so this was just some self indulgent fic that I wrote that I actually like. This is just the first half since the whole thing won't fit here. It doesn't really have a plot if I'm being honest. But enjoy I guess and let me know if you want me to post the rest of it. The whole thing is currently posted on my ao3 which is the same as my username on here. So you can check it out there if you want.

TW\\ discussion and usage of cigarettes

The smell of cheap cigarettes was prominent in the small bedroom down the hall and next to the bathroom in a cottage in Wales. It was a warm summer night. The only light to be seen other than the scattering of tiny bright stars in the black sky was the lamp in the bedroom. It gave off a warm glow and attracted a few moths towards the window from which it was emitting. The sound of boisterous laughter disrupted the peaceful silence that surrounded the residence. 

“You’re so fucking ridiculous,” Remus spoke through a fit of laughter.

“I’ve got a point though, don’t I?” Sirius pointed out, sitting on the bed next to the open window and smoking a cigarette. 

“Just because Slughorn has a moustache, does not make him a walrus pretending to be a human.” Remus refuted, baffled this was something that had to be said.

“Well, have you ever seen Sluggy and a walrus in the same room?” Sirius asked, as though this was indisputable proof of his point.

“I’ve never seen a walrus in general! Does that mean everyone I know is secretly a walrus?”

“But not everyone you know looks like a walrus.” 

"You're an idiot," Remus said breathlessly. Sirius rested the hand with the cigarette on the windowsill and used the other to playfully shove his friend. 

"I think you mean genius." 

"No I don't," Remus reassured him. Sirius flicked the ashes of his cigarette out the window and raised it to his mouth once more. "Those are bad for you, you know." 

Sirius just rolled his eyes, "You want one?" 

Remus just sighed. "Hand it over." Sirius grinned and passed one to him. 

"That's what I thought." 

"Shut up. We both need to quit." Remus remarked while lighting his cigarette with the lighter he nicked from his dad the summer before.

"Eh. What's life without a little risk?" 

"That's not an excuse to do stupid shit." 

Sirius chuckled, "Like I need an excuse."   

Remus put the lighter back in the drawer of his nightstand as he raised the cancer stick to his mouth. It burned in his throat and he resisted the urge to cough. Lily Evans liked to say Sirius was a bad influence and Remus was starting to suspect she was right. Not that he would do anything about it. Not only was he quite fond of the dark-haired reckless boy sitting on his bed, but Remus specialised in self-destructive behaviours. Which would explain the smoking. "When are your parents coming home?" Sirius asked. 

"What's the date?"

"Ninth of August." 

"About two days," Remus answered. His parents were in France for the summer holiday. They trusted Remus to stay at home. Which was a very dumb decision. 

Sirius nodded and threw his spent cigarette out the window. "I should probably leave tomorrow then."

"You don't have to. My parents won't mind." Remus tried to act casually. Like he didn't care either way. He wasn't sure if it was working. Perhaps the nicotine was already messing with his brain. It would explain a lot. Like why his heart rate increased exponentially when Sirius breathed out a laugh. 

"You really think they won't mind this?" Sirius gestured to himself. He was wearing a faded leather jacket over a black Sex Pistols t-shirt. His clunky combat boots were on the bed, much to Remus' chagrin.

"The only thing they'll mind is that you're wearing shoes on the bed. Take those off." Remus nudged Sirius' leg with his elbow. Sirius rolled his eyes and kicked off his shoes. Remus took another drag from his cigarette, causing his heart rate to increase once more. He needed to quit.

"As you wish, your majesty," Sirius said sarcastically, earning a light elbow to the side from Remus, who was trying hard to stifle a smile. "Are you sure they won't mind though? I wouldn't want them thinking a rebellious bad boy like myself is corrupting their perfect son."

Remus snorted, "Did you just refer to yourself as a bad boy?" 

"Well, how would you describe me?" Sirius challenged jokingly.

A plethora of words came to mind that Remus would never say. Instead, he said, "Self-centred dork with a disregard for authority." 

“Rude!” 

Remus shrugged, “You asked.” 

“I figured it would be something like ‘devilishly handsome and courageous’. I wasn’t expecting to be slandered.” 

“And that sentence proves my point.” 

“Okay, I can see the self-centred thing and disregard for authority. But I am not a dork.” 

“You spent a week learning origami so you could fuck with McGonagall by turning in a swan as your homework,” Remus recalled. 

“That was not dorky. That was very punk rock.” Sirius said in his defence. 

Remus laughed, “That is the furthest thing from punk rock.” 

“I was dismantling the flawed education system. That is punk rock,” Sirius disputed, though he had a smile on his face. 

“You were being a prat, that’s what you were doing.” Remus corrected him.

“Do you remember the look on her face, though? That was priceless.” 

“She looked like she wanted to murder someone. Most likely you.” 

The sound of the grandfather clock in the living room striking twelve diverted them from their discussion. 

“Are you sure you want me to stay?” Sirius asked and Remus made the mistake of facing him. The answer was yes. It was always going to be yes. Even if the answer was no, it would be impossible to say that to the pretty grey eyes that were staring back at him. 

“Yeah,” Remus answered and hated that his voice cracked like he was an awkward thirteen-year-old boy again. He hoped Sirius didn’t notice. He shrugged out of his leather jacket, mumbling something about how hot it was. 

"I think we should do something tomorrow. Last day of freedom, you know?” 

Remus raised an eyebrow at him dubiously, “What are you suggesting?” Knowing Sirius, it was likely something illegal.

“Okay, hear me out,” Sirius reached under the pillow closest to him and extracted a glass bottle of-

“No.” 

“C’mon, it’ll be fun.” 

“Where did you even get that?” He asked and he knew he would regret asking it but he couldn’t help it.

“Got it in town. As long as you look seventeen, the bloke at the pub will sell you whatever you want.”

Remus sighed, and they both knew he was eventually going to give in. Because Remus always gave in. Especially when it came to Sirius. That didn’t mean he was giving in without any argument though. “That's illegal." 

Sirius just shrugged and a dark strand of his hair fell in his face. "Since when has that stopped me?" 

"We better not get caught." Remus conceded. 

Sirius grinned triumphantly. "Yes! Knew you'd come around!" 

"Yes well, I seem to be incapable of saying no to you," Remus admitted. 

"And I'd like it to stay that way." 

Remus was going to suggest they go to bed before he did something very very self-destructive. Until-

"What was that?" 

"The light went out, you dipshit." 

"Well yeah, I can see that. But why?"

"Well if you give me a second, I can find out." Remus felt around his nightstand and found the string to turn on his lamp. He pulled it and it made the clicking noise that it usually did. It didn't work. He tried it again. 

"What's wrong with it?" 

"Not sure. Maybe a dead bulb." Remus went to unscrew the light bulb. But of course, it was hot. He swore and pulled his hand away, feeling like a complete idiot. 

"Did you just burn your hand?"

"What does it look like?" Remus retorted in a sarcastic tone. 

"It doesn't look like anything. I can't fucking see."

Remus rolled his eyes. Sirius was right though. Now that the light was out, it was near impossible to tell whether his eyes were open or closed. It was quite off-putting. He felt something warm and solid press against his side as he tried to assess the damage on his burned hand. It was almost comforting. Until Sirius jabbed him in the eye. "Sirius! Ow!" He swatted the boy off of him. 

"What?" 

"You poked my eye, you wanker." 

"I was trying to figure out where you were," Sirius explained, not sounding remotely apologetic. 

"I haven't moved since the bloody light went out. Now move. Maybe I can find a candle or something." Remus said and slid off of his bed. 

"Need help?" Sirius offered. 

"Just stay here and don't break anything." He advised. 

He heard Sirius scoff, "You really think I'm so irresponsible that I'll break something as soon as you leave the room?" 

"Yes. As a matter of fact, I do." Remus answered and left his room, bumping his arm into the doorframe on the way out. He had no idea where he was going. He was relying purely on muscle memory. Surely he knew the layout of his house well enough by now to find the kitchen, where his parents kept their candles, without seeing. He felt around the walls to guide him, attempting to flip some light switches on the way. The power must have gone out for some reason. 

He heard a loud crash and sighed. He didn't have the willpower at the moment to be upset with Sirius. There were much more important matters at hand. Like the fact that he may be stuck without power for the next two days until his parents get home. Because he's just some knobbly sixteen-year-old boy who didn't know shit about electricity and really didn't care to. 

He felt around the walls some more and walked into a doorway. He sighed in relief when he felt a circular picture on the wall. He was in the kitchen. Now to find those bloody candles. 

"Moony! Are you almost done?" A voice shouted from his bedroom.

"Will you give me a minute?" Remus shouted back as he opened the cabinet he was seventy-eight per cent sure had the candles in it. 

"It's been a minute. It's been several minutes." Sirius replied in a whiny tone.

"And it'll be several more if you don't learn to be patient." He felt around the cabinet, wincing when he touched something sticky. Finally, he grabbed a waxy feeling cylinder that had to be a candle. Because there was no other object it could be. He pulled it out and felt the wick at the top of it. Yep. Definitely a candle. Now to figure out how to get back in his bedroom. 

"Padfoot?" He called when he entered the room that had to be his own. 

"It's about time." Sirius grumbled impatiently. 

[liddolwhynot2000]

Decisions Of a Capricorn

____________________________________

Summary: Levi Ackerman woke up one fine morning. In the past. Shit.

Genre: Angst, lets-change-shit, drama, liddol romance (Levixhappiness)

Pairings: Levi/Original Female Character, Levi/Petra

Warning: Manga spoilers

________________________________

Chapter 1. Chapter 2

____________________________________

Chapter 3: Brace

____________________________________

Summary:  Capricorns can be naturally pessimistic. They already expect unfortunate things to happen in life, so they take them in a stride.

Alternatively, Levi braces himself for the worst and is pleasantly suprised.

____________________________________

Telling his squad had gone better then he thought it would. His special ops members took the news it in a stride, immediately launching into a discussion of what they needed to do now and how to utilize this information best. Eren, as expected of his 15 year old version, was befuddled.

Levi wondered how someone so innocent looking transformed into a complete monster in such short time.

His squad had lived up to his expectations, easily concluding that they need to keep this information to themselves for now. Eld, ever the natural born leader, took the lead and suggested that they need to learn to work with Eren. So that they aren't caught off guard on the bare minimum skill level they can expect from the traitor.

Gunther was the one who brought up the possibility of facing the armoured titan, and even though Levi was sure they wouldn't have to face that particular beast yet, he still agreed with their suggestions of carrying some fire arms. Thunder spears didn't exist yet, which meant that grenades and canons would be their best shot.

Eren had tried to voice out his own suggestion, that he wanted to train his skill set too. He felt that he needex to improve in some areas, and although Levi bitterly recalled how much Eren had improved without help in another life, he had to agree with the brat.

His squad, however, didn't share the same opinion and immediately began to shut Eren down.

'Eren, your job is to trust us. We expect you to leave it all to us and transform as an absolute last resort!'

'Yeah, you brat, don't get cocky. The only way you'll fight is if we somehow di-'

Olou had bitten his tounge and cut himself off before Levi could. Levi had then interrupted before Eld and Gunther could throw in their two cents.

'Eren is the main target, what will all of you do if Eren is somehow dragged away you from you and has to fight for himself? We need to prepare this brat for everything, especially how to fight in his titan form.'

They had all shut up, but he could tell it was only because of Eren's presence. They wouldn't be caught dead speaking speak out against their superior, especially in front of Eren. Levi had taken advantage of that little fact.

'We'll get back to this in a while-- Eren it's time for you to transform. Four eyes is here'

____________________________________

It went just like last time, Eren wasn't able to transform. He sat in front of Levi, looking just as despondent he had the last time. He didn't walk away from Eren like last time, instead having chosen to stick close to the brat. Some things still needed to happen, and Levi was just waiting for that inevitable explosion.

When Eren accidentally transformed this time, he immediately took out his blades and points them at his team, not at all surprised that they had already drawn their blades.

They would always be talented little brats, but they had a long way to go..

'Captain-'

'Put down your blades Petra.'

'Captain get away from Eren-Please-'

It had continued on, with the brats arguing in favour of heatedly questioning Eren and his motives, while he had ferociously stood by the him. It was a part of the plan really-he knew that Eren would be fine no matter what. He just hoped that, at least this time around, the brat would take his taking a stand for him like this into consideration before he decided to launch a mass genocide on his own.

'Shut up and obey.'

His team had faltered, and then slowly lowered their swords as he began to speak.

'Do you have any other titan shifters?'

They all looked confused. Only Olou managed to speak croak out a strangled no. Levi pointed at Eren, who was panicking alot less since Levi had begun to speak in his favour.

'You see this dumbass? He's our only shot. There's no replacement for him. All of you can be replaced, Erwin can be replaced, Hange can be replaced. Despite your silly admiration of me, I could easily drop dead and be replaced too.-'

His squad had looked scandalised at the thought of their beloved captain being anything remotely close to being replaceable. Then again, none of them had experienced Mikasa and her unnatural strength yet.

'We need him. He doesn't need us. Understand that none of you can afford to point your blades at him without my orders. The next time you do so, I will be your opponent.'

Eld and Gunther had looked nervous, Olou had visibly begun to sweat and Petra had looked at him a little strangely. However, they all seemed to understand the point he wanted to make. '

'Am I clear?

They all nodded

'Yes Sir!'

____________________________________

He had made sure to still have that chat with Eren, to make him understand his squads actions. He knew Eren trusted him a little more this time around-his showing support toward him like this had likely changed his opinion of him, if only a little. Levi was banking on that, hopefully he could push the kid in the right direction.

He had gone to his room after Hange had explained Eren's transformation and his squad had shown support towards Eren by biting their hands. A filthy act, but he supposed in this case he would allow it. Not that it stopped him from ordering them to go sanitise their hands and not come near him for a while.

He had even made his tea on his own, unwilling to let them touch them with their germ infected hands. Petra had looked at him oddly when he had told her he would do it on his own, almost like a kicked puppy.

He sat in bed, tea long finished and mind occupied.

He had been somewhat productive so far, managing to manipulate Erwin into changing the plan to capture the female titan. His squad was well in the loop, and likely making several plans to take on a titan shifter. Eren was beginning to look at him with more trust, something he hoped would blossom more.

There was still too much to figure out though. And since Levi had resolved to not let Erwin in on the plan, he was now drowning in things he needed to figure out. How Erwin managed to sort through so much crap was beyond him.

Some things, he had already figured out. Others were still being debated upon.

When it came to Historia, he would injure her tommorow, to the point she wouldn't be able make it to the expedition. She would likely try to jail him for it after taking the crown, but he figured he could call it vacation time from work and enjoy the silence. Those brats were too loud anyways.

He knew that Rod Reiss might come after her sooner after hearing that she had been injured, so he would have an old friend keep an eye out for her. It was an aquantince from the underground, one of the few he could trust, that had managed to crawl their way to the surface too. He was strong and capable-and very good at hiding when he needed to.

Only Levi had ever been able to find him- and since he knew Kenny Ackerman wouldn't be used yet, he felt it was the best way to keep her safe.

He had also decided that he would have to kill Kenny. He had contemplated recruiting the old bastard, but Kenny was too much of a gamble. The type only Erwin would take on trying to recruit. And while it would be feasible to drop hints about his mentor in the underground to the Commander, he wasn't sure the Survey Corps could handle a mission like that. Their attention needed to be on capturing shifters and getting Historia to the crown.

Maybe Erwin could risk something like that, but this time it would be his deicison. Kenny, despite his conflicting feelings towards him, had to be eliminated. He just couldn't chance their opposition having someone like that on their side, and wasn't confident enough that they could get him to jump ship.

The rest he was still a little muddled on. He was reasonably sure he could draw Ymir to their side, especially if he told her about how Historia would be queen soon. But the girl wasn't dumb, she would also be able to tell that Historia would have a part time job as child breeder, and might even try to leave with her then.

It pained him to do so, but he couldn't save Historia from that fate. He could, however try his damned hardest that her children wouldn't be turned into shifters.

The other shifters left him feeling conflicted. They needed the Colossal titan, he would be their mass weapon against other nations. The moment he could, he would get the serum and feed Bertolts titan to one of their soldiers. There would be no compromising on that, no matter how much he wished he could lure the kid to their side instead and spare him from that painful death. He just didn't know the kid enough to ensure he could win him over.

As for Reiner, Levi recalled the young man who had stepped up to stop Eren. He recognised that he was stuck in a tough place, but again, he would have to harden his heart. He had to keep his side as safe as possible, even if it meant taking away the armoured titan.

A part of him still hoped that he could get the kid to join him though, he would definitely try for it.

As for Zeke and Pieck, who had likely already arrived on the island, they would be dealt promptly. Zeke would need to be restrained and hidden away in a deep tunnel, while the cart titan would be given to someone else.

He would, unfortunately, have to allow Zeke to turn Ragako Village into titans. But he figured not everyone needed to be turned for it, he could at least get the children out of there. Connie's mother had been key in figuring out the truth about titans, and so he would have to sacrifice her. But Connie's siblings would at least live this time around.

More of his cormades would survive the attack too, having less titans to deal with. He was hoping that Mike and his squad would get out of it alive and not be dealt the same unfortunate fate they had suffered through before.

When it came to Annie, however, Levi already knew what to do. If all went well, he was more then sure that the Female Titan would be fighting for the Island soon enough.

His plans regarding the shifters were a big gamble on his part, since it was all relying on one thing specifically.

Getting the titan serum from the Royal government.

But Levi was a thief at heart, a man who knew how to get things no one wanted to give, to find them in the shadiest corner, completely undetected. Worst comes, he would easily infiltrate. Their security was crap anyways.

He would know. It wouldn't be the first time he had stolen something from those bastards anyways.

Levi laid down, covering himself with a blanket. He thought of one last thing before he allowed sleep to overcome him.

It was dumb of Marley to send six of their shifters to the Island, and all at the same time too. Because Levi had no intention of letting any of them go back home, not this time around.

____________________________________

In all his years of living, Levi had gotten used to being surprised. He had gone through surprise attacks, friends turning into foes, getting punched by the Queen and even time travelled. Yet had taken it all in a stride.

He had expected that half his plans would fail, that he would end up losing his squad anyways, that Annie would escape this time too. But here they were, sitting in the mess hall, post expedition, and very much alive.

Erwin had informed more squads about the traitor, although thankfully Reiner and his squad hadn't been told. Most of them had understood that they likely wouldn't be able to take on the threat, and their squad leaders had made sure to have them engage very litte. They had tactfully allowed the Female Titan to pass through the formation, thus leading her to Eren. More lives had been saved this time around, much to his pleasure.

They had gone through the same plan, trapping her in the forest. Erwin had stood by and watched as the female titan glared at him. Beside him had stood soldier with black hair, wearing a hoodie. Their face had been hidden, but everyone had called that soldier captain Levi. It had made Annie think she was safe, that when she called titans to her and left to go after squad Levi, Humanity's Strongest wouldn't come after her until she accomplished her mission.

It was only when she reached the squad and made to slice at Gunther that she realise that she had been duped. The sight of Humanity's Strongest blocking her blade with his own had caused her to sweat.

Things had gotten on easily then, she hadn't been much match for him. And his squad had taken double their usual measures, going as far as to throw explosives at her before he could carve her out of the nape. Eren had watched it all in awe, thankfully the brat hadn't needed to transform this time around.

His expression had quickly changed to shock and betrayal once he spotted his comrade sealed in a crystal. Levi wasn't suprised that she had sealed herself like that this time too, he had been counting on it actually.

Levi snapped out of his thoughts and pushed his now empty tray away. He decided it was the perfect time to put his plan into action.

He needed to pay Annie Leonhart a visit.

____________________________________

A/N: Heyooo. Here's chapter 3! Any guesses how Levi is getting Annie on their side?

Sorry I don't post much, but I swear things have been ridiculously busy. Uni life, housework, and my mom is sick too :(

[im-just-trying-to-get-bi]

Hello, everybody. Thanks for comin’. I am the Lorax. I speak for the trees. And I’d like to say a few words, if you please. Regarding the story that you’re about to see it actually happened. Just take it from me. But there’s more to this story than what’s on the page, so please pay attention while I set the stage. We open in Thneedville, a city they say that was plastic and fake, and they liked it that way! A town without nature, not one living tree. So, what happened to them? Cue the music! Let’s see. Buzz. Buzz. ♪ In Thneedville, ♪ ♪ it’s a brand new dawn ♪ ♪ With brand new cars ♪ ♪ and houses and lawns ♪ ♪ Here in ♪ ♪ Got-all-that-we-need-ville ♪ ♪ In Thneedville, ♪ ♪ we manufacture our trees ♪ ♪ Each one is made in factories ♪ ♪ And uses 96 batteries ♪ ♪ In Thneedville, ♪ ♪ the air’s not so clean ♪ ♪ So we buy it fresh ♪ ♪ It comes out this machine! ♪ ♪ In Satisfaction’s-♪ ♪ guaranteed-ville ♪ ♪ In Thneedville, ♪ ♪ we don’t want to know ♪ ♪ Where the smog and trash ♪ ♪ and chemicals go ♪ ♪ I just went swimming, ♪ ♪ and now I glow ♪ ♪ In Thneedville, ♪ ♪ we have fun year round ♪ ♪ We surf and snowboard ♪ ♪ right in town ♪ ♪ We thank the Lord ♪ ♪ for all we’ve got ♪ ♪ Including this ♪ ♪ brand new parking lot! ♪ ♪ Parking lot! ♪ ♪ Oh, look, it’s Aloysius O’Hare ♪ ♪ Aloysius O’Hare ♪ ♪ The man who found ♪ ♪ a way to sell air ♪ ♪ And became a zillionaire ♪ ♪ Hip-hip-hooray! ♪ ♪ In Thneedville, ♪ ♪ we love living this way ♪ ♪ It’s like living in paradise ♪ ♪ It’s perfect! ♪ ♪ And that’s how it will stay ♪ ♪ Oh, yeah! ♪ ♪ Here in ♪ ♪ Love-the-life-we-lead-ville ♪ ♪ Destined-to-succeed-ville ♪ ♪ We-are-all-agreed-ville ♪ ♪ We love it here in… ♪ ♪ Thneedville! ♪ Yes! Oh, hi, Ted. Oh, hey, Audrey. Hi. Did your ball land in my backyard again? What? No. A model airplane, this time. Hey, do you want to see something cool? Come on. Whoa! Did you… Did you paint this? Do you like it? What? Are you kidding? This is amazing! What are those? Those are trees. Real ones. They used to grow all around here. And people said that the touch of their tufts was softer than anything, even silk. And they smelled like butterfly milk! Wow! What does that even mean? I know, right? Oh, yeah. What I want more than anything in the whole world is to see a real living tree growing in my backyard. So if, say… I’m just thinking out loud here. If a guy somehow got you one… I’d probably marry him on the spot. I bet that sounds crazy. Does that sound crazy? No! Not crazy. Not crazy at all. * * * Ted, honey, don’t play with your food. You, either, Mom. So, Mom, do you happen to know if there’s any place where I could get a real tree? Ted, we already have a tree. It’s the latest model. Yeah, but I mean a real one that grows out of the ground or whatever. You know, a real tree. Really? You would rather have some dirty, messy lump of wood that just sticks out of the ground? And it does what? I don’t even know what it does. What’s its purpose? Look at what we’ve got. It’s the Oak-amatic. The only tree with its own remote. Summer, autumn, winter, and disco! Mom? Come on, Ted. Get into it. Dance with the tree. Oh, it hurts, Mom. Please stop. So, anyway… Let’s just say I need a tree. Where would I go? What do I do? Then you know what? You need to find the Once-ler. The What? Mom, it’s not really the time for one of your magical fables, okay? That’s right, I forgot. I’m old and can’t even remember to put my teeth in. Stand down. That’s not what I meant. No, really, I forgot my teeth. Would you be a dear and go get them for me? Sure, Mom. Okay, here’s the deal. The Once-ler is the man who knows what happened to the trees. You want one, you need to find him. The Once-ler? Mmm-hmm. Okay. Grammy, is this a real thing that we’re talking about now? Oh, he’s real all right. Well, where can I find him? Far outside of town where the grass never grows and the wind smells slow and sour when it blows. And no birds ever sing, excepting old crows. Quit doing that. That’s the place where the Once-ler lives. Wait, outside of town? People used to say if you brought him 15 cents, a

nail and the shell of a great, great, great grandfather snail, he would tell you everything. * * * Hmm. Mr. O’Hare, what we’ve got for you is something that is going to take O’Hare Air to the next level. Now, Mr. O’Hare, I know what you’re thinking. One, “I’ve gotten rich selling people air that’s” “fresher than the stinky stuff outside.” Two, and here is the important one, “How can I possibly make even more money?” We can tell you, sir! We can tell you. Check out this commercial, huh? Well, here goes another lame Saturday. Dude, I don’t think so! Huh! Hey! Man! Oh, yeah! What! Yeah! O’Hare purified air. Freshness to go. Please breathe responsibly. Ah? Oh, my goodness. Yeah! Love it. You got to be kidding me. You really think people are stupid enough to buy this? Our research shows that if you put something in a plastic bottle, people will buy it. Exactly. And… And what’s more, when we build a new factory to make the plastic bottles, the air quality is just going to get worse. Which will make people want our air even more, and drive sales where? Through the roof! So, in other words, the more smog in the sky, the more people will buy. See, that’s why he’s the genius! It even rhymes! I’m aware it rhymes. Coats. Big. What do you two knuckleheads want? I’m in the middle of a meeting! What? Why is he leaving town? No one ever leaves town! See what he’s up to. * * * Whoa! Huh? Whoa! Whoa. Oh, man. Whoa! All right. Okay. What the… Whoa! Who are you? Who are you and what are you doing here? I’m Ted. I’m Ted. I can’t breathe. Are you the Once-ler? Oh, man. Didn’t you read the signs? No one is supposed to come here. Get out of here and leave me alone! And don’t let the boot hit you on the way out. The boot? Hello! Ow! Listen! People say that if someone brings you this stuff that you will tell them about trees. No, no, no! Trees? Yeah, real ones. You know, that grow out of the ground? Hello? Sorry, it’s just… Well, I didn’t think anyone still cared about trees. Well, that’s me. The guy who still cares. I’m here. Hey! What? Do you want to know about trees? About what happened to them? Why they’re all gone? It’s because of me. Wait, what? It’s because of me! And my invention, the Thneed. It was an amazing product that could do the job of a thousand. All right. Sounds ridiculous, but I mean, that’s cool. You’re darn right it was cool! It all started a long time ago. Can we start not so long ago, maybe? Do you want a tree? Yes, yes. Then it all started a long, long time ago. I was a young man leaving home… Well, here I go, Mom. Off to change the world with my Thneed. I’m actually doing it! Yes, but just remember, Oncie, if somehow your invention ends up a failure instead of a success, oh, it wouldn’t surprise me at all! Nice wheels. Burn! Ow! Yeah, “Burn!” But you will see, okay? I’m going to prove you all wrong. Come on, Melvin! So, there I was at the very bottom. With nothing but a wagon, a mule, and a completely irrational sense of optimism. I was searching the globe, obsessed with finding the perfect material for my Thneed. But I’d had absolutely no success. Until one day, I found paradise… Oh! We’re going to be there soon, I’m sure. Whoa! This is the most beautiful place, okay, I have ever seen. Oh. Ta-da! Whoa! Yeah. ♪ This is it ♪ ♪ This is the place ♪ ♪ These Truffula trees ♪ ♪ are just what I need ♪ ♪ Gonna chop one down ♪ ♪ and make my Thneed ♪ ♪ But first… ♪ ♪ Na! Na! Nanana Na! ♪ ♪ Na Na Nana Nanana Na Na… ♪ ♪ Now you! ♪ ♪ That’s great! ♪ ♪ So now our ♪ ♪ friendship can begin ♪ ♪ Hand in hand, ♪ ♪ and wing and fin ♪ ♪ There’s nothing ♪ ♪ you and I can’t do ♪ ♪ So let’s all make ♪ ♪ my dreams come true ♪ Hey, guys! Come on, where is my back-up chorus? What? Ah-ha! Oh. Ooh! Hey, hey, wait. Wait a minute. Excuse me? Yeah, that’s awesome. Feeding junk food to forest animals? That’s great. But, uh, is there a musical number where you show me how to get a tree? Because I would love to hear that one. Oh, yes. Right after the musical number about the kid who kept interrupting the story, and was never heard from again. Right, got

it. Proceed. All right, here we go. About to make a Thneed, about to change the world. Check it out, guys… Where did everybody go? Little did I know that by chopping down that tree I had just summoned a mystical creature as old as time itself. The legendary, slightly annoying guardian of the forest. The Lorax. Hey! Whoo! Did you chop down this tree? Uh… No. Who did it? What’s that? I think he did it. Leave! Vacate the premises! Take your ax and get out! And who are you? I’m the Lorax! Guardian of the forest. I speak for the trees. So you’re telling me, you just didn’t see me magically appear out of that stump? With all the lightning and thunder and stuff. You didn’t see any of that? No, but that sounds amazing. Can I see some of that? Uh, yeah, I could show you. But that’s not how it works. Okay. Um… Didn’t really happen. Oh, I know what you want! I’ve got one of these for the cutest little guy I ever saw! Yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy… How dare you! Give me that! Mmm. I’m going to eat this, but I am highly offended by it. What are you… Hey, Mustache! Will you stop that? What’s your deal, man? Pull them right out Time for you to go, Beanpole! Just going to put them right back in. We can do this all day. Stop right there! Stop it! So you would hammer one of nature’s innocent creatures? What? No! I would never hit this little guy. You, on the other hand, I would gladly pound you and your mustache into the ground! Behold! The intruder and his violent ways. Shame on you. For shame! All right, you know what? That’s it! You listen to me, you furry meatloaf. I’m going to chop down as many trees as I need. Okay? Newsflash! Not going anywhere! End of story. Then you leave me no choice. If you’re not gone by the time the sun sets on this valley, all the forces of nature will be unleashed upon you and curse you until the end of your days! You have been warned. Thanks. Yeah, okay. You have been warned. But I didn’t listen to his warning. And you won’t believe what happened that night. What? If you want to hear more, come back tomorrow. Hey, wait, wait! Tomorrow? Whoa! Whoa-ho-ho. Are you serious right now? Ah! You live in the middle of nowhere! It stinks out here. Don’t make me come back! I guess you don’t really want to hear the rest of the story. No, no. I do. I really do. I want to hear the story. I just… Nah! You don’t have what it takes. Goodbye. Wait, wait! I have what it takes. It’s all right. It’s okay, I’ll come back. It’s no problem. See, here I am, leaving. Walking away now. I’ll see you tomorrow. Mmm. Maybe. Just maybe. * * * What did you wish for, Audrey? Well, I would love to tell you, but, sadly, according to the universal wish laws, I cannot I know what she wished for. Was it, perhaps… This? Ted, you didn’t. Oh, no. I totally did. Happy birthday, Audrey. Kiss him! Kiss him! Ted. Ted. Tedster. Huh! You’re kissing the cereal again, hon. What? I just… I like this cereal. What one is this? Yeah! Okay. Well, I’ll make sure to buy extra next time for you. All right, cool. Hey, I got to run. I got to go do a thing. So, I’ll see you guys. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You’re not going anywhere, young man. It’s Sunday. You know what that means? Family time, and we’re all playing board games! But… Hmm. Mmm? Oh, man. Mom, seriously, every turn? Hey, back off! Ooh! No. Okay! Family time is over. It is now personal time. I’ll be in my room. Okay, dear. Have fun. I knew I could break her. Go. Huh? Go see him! Oh, yeah! You rule! Thank you, Grammy. * * * Whoa! Hey! Ted, right? Um, Mr. O’Hare? So, I hear you have become interested in trees. What’s that all about? Oh. Um… Where did you hear that? Oh. Teddy, there’s not much that goes on in Thneedville that I don’t know about. Here’s the deal, I make a living selling fresh air to people. Trees? They make it for free. So, when I hear people talking about them, I consider it kind of a threat to my business. I don’t even know what you’re talking about. You listen to me, boy. Don’t go poking around in things you don’t understand or I’ll be your worst nightmare. I’m Frankenstein’s head on a

spider’s body! Yeah, um… Okay, my mom is expecting me. So, I’m just going to… Of course, of course. Now, go back to your family game time. Grandma just finished her turn. How did you know? Please. I have eyes everywhere. Huh! You got a beautiful town here, Ted. Lots of fun stuff to occupy your short attention span. Why, I can’t think of any reason you would ever want to go outside of town again. Even. Okay! Good talk. Really good talk. Oh, no. Look out! Hey, man? You know, you need to change that door bell. Oh, you missed me. What? You’re already back. Clearly, you missed me a little. Right? No, I didn’t. I’m just here to hear the end of the story. Why are you so interested in trees anyway? Why aren’t you like other kids, break dancing and wearing bell-bottoms, and playing the Donkey Kongs? Yeah, right, right. I don’t know. Uh, I just thought it would be kind of cool to have one, you know? Huh? It’s a girl, isn’t it? What? No! Really? Because when a guy does something stupid once, well, that’s because he’s a guy. But if he does the same stupid thing twice, it’s usually to impress some girl. Hey, she is not some girl! She’s a woman, in high school. And she loves trees. And I’m going to get her one. Aw! How nice to see someone so undeterred by things like reality. Thank you. All right, but where did we leave off? * * * Now that’s a Thneed. Nothing unmanly about knitting. No, sir. Look at that… Oh! Who taught you guys how to steal a bed? Shh! Okay, nice and easy. Nice work, you guys. Couldn’t have done it without you. You got to be kidding me. Can he swim? Of course he can’t swim! Hang on, Pipsqueak! I’m coming to get you! Hey, you fishies! Stop that bed! Whoo! Whoo! Jump, jump! Come on, get up there. Come on. Go, go! A little bit more! A little bit more! Now what? Mmm-mmm. Get up there. Okay, Pipsqueak, give me your hand. Come on, reach out for the Lorax. Where did you go? Bar-ba-loots. Oh, that’s bad. Hey, Beanpole, wake up! What’s happening? Where am I? Hey! We got trouble, and it’s coming up fast! Whoo! We’re in a river! Whew! Oh, no. Just do something! Help is on the way! No, no! Just a minute! Oh, no! Wake up! Wake up! Yuck! Clear! Ah! I was heading into the light, and you pulled me right back and here I am! You saved my life! Yeah, I know. Well, no, it’s not that big a deal. It is a big deal! Look, I almost went over that waterfall! Wait… On my bed. How did my bed get in the river? Uh… About that… Actually… I put your bed in the water. I didn’t mean you any harm. I just wanted to calmly float you away. Look, everyone here needs the trees and you’re chopping them down! So, we’ve got a big problem. All right, look. I hereby swear that I will never chop down another tree. I promise. Thank you. But I’m going to keep my eye on you. Good. Now, I’ve got a big day tomorrow so I’m going to get some sleep. Right after I find my bed. * * * Ow! Okay, what are you… Question, what are they doing here? And follow up, if I may, what are you doing here? Well, after the incident last night, we found one of your socks and came here to return it. But when we got here, you were asleep. What? Ew! Exactly. And sleeping is the body’s way of telling other people to go away. I know, but you looked so cozy. And it was cold outside, and we just fell asleep. No harm done. “No harm done”? “No harm done”? Okay. Okay, I put my lips on those. Well, I used to, anyway. Ew. Did you just… In my bowl! Why do you have one of these? You don’t even have a mustache. Okay, that’s it! What? I thought we made a deal last night. Yes, we did. And I said I wouldn’t chop down any more trees. And I said I was going to keep an eye on you. I’m starving. What’s for breakfast? Breakfast is overrated. You know what? I got work to do. Yeah. I got to go into town and sell my Thneed. You chopped down one of my trees to make that piece of garbage? Look at that… “Garbage”? Oh, no. Oh, no! You do not get it. This is a revolutionary product that will change the world as we know it. It has a million uses! Look at this. It’s a swimsuit! Mud tracked all over your floor by

uninvited guests? Well, the Thneed sure comes in handy for that! But wait, there’s more! Thanks to its all-natural microfibers, the Thneed is super-absorbent! It also works as a hat. Of course, you probably want to wring it out first. Go ahead, knock yourself out. But nobody is going to buy that thing. Good to know. Well, fortunately, you are not the target market, weirdo. You’re bringing a guitar? Oh, yeah. I got a little jingle. I’m gonna blow some minds, gonna sell some Thneeds! Yeah. ♪ Everybody needs a Thneed ♪ ♪ A fine thing that all people… ♪ Sit down, go on. Unfortunately, I didn’t sell it the first day. ♪ The Thneed is good ♪ ♪ The Thneed is great… ♪ Hey! Or the second day. Hey! Or the third, or fourth, or fifth day. Okay, that one hit the tender spot. Until finally… That’s it! You know what? I’m done with this thing. Aw. My family was right. I quit! Hey. Cool hat. Oh, my gosh! I totally want one. That thing makes me like you more. Hey! Where’s your Thneed, did you sell it? Hey. No, no. Didn’t sell it. Turns out, it’s ahead of its time, I guess. Hey, you gave it your best shot. Right? What more can you do? Come on, take a seat, we’ll deal you in. What are we playing? I’m playing poker. He’s playing Go Fish. And I think he’s hungry. Ohhh. ♪ Pancake, the pancake ♪ Up! Who is up for ninths? Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Whoa! All right, pass them over. Yeah, see? What’s going on? Oh, no. That’s a lot of people. ♪ Everybody needs a Thneed ♪ ♪ A fine thing ♪ ♪ that all people need ♪ ♪ The Thneed is good ♪ ♪ The Thneed is great ♪ ♪ Let’s hope we’re not too late ♪ ♪ It’s a super trendy hat ♪ ♪ It’s a tightrope for an acrobat ♪ ♪ A net for catching butterflies ♪ ♪ A thing we use for exercise ♪ ♪ Everybody needs a Thneed ♪ ♪ A fine thing ♪ ♪ that all people need ♪ ♪ Everybody needs a Thneed ♪ Oh, yeah! We’re in business, baby! ♪ We need a Thneed ♪ Mom? Hey, it’s me! I told you I was going to be a success! You need to bring the whole family here right now. We’re going to be rich! What? I’m going to need all the help I can get. Don’t worry. * * * So, has he told you how to get a tree yet? Actually, no. But I think he’s going to get to that part really soon. Here we are. What? I’ll just be a minute. Oh, wow. Hey, Audrey! Oh, hi, Ted! What’s up? You know me, just cruising. Putting out the vibe. Just me and my thoughts. Oh, is this the girl you’re always talking about? Grandma! Stop making things up. She’s even prettier than… Okay, got to run! Bye. Okay, Grammy, let’s get you home! Yeah! Whoa! I’m so sorry. So sorry. Did not wanna see that. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa-ho-ho! Hey! Hey, I’m back. What have you got there? Yes! Whoa! Thank you, Ted. Now, picture this. Sun shining, a blue sky, a perfect day. It was all downhill from there. Whoa! What a dump. Hey, Aunt Grizelda! Hey, Chet, check this out! Go long! No, Brett, that’s actually not a… Okay. Go long! Go long! I got it! I got it! Got it! He totally ran into that tree! Ow! Oncie, is that you? Mom! There he is! There’s my big, suddenly successful son! We always knew you would make it, Oncie. Right? Hey! I love this guy! But you always said I wouldn’t amount to anything, remember? Hush your mouth. I was just trying to motivate you! I am really glad that you clarified that because it actually hurt my feelings for a really long time. Anyway, you’re all here, you all work for me, and that’s cool. So, let’s get to work. Brett, Chet, set up the RV! Would you stop throwing that bear? Time out. Back up. Stop. Don’t move an inch. Nobody’s moving in here. You got to go. Goodbye. So, who invited the giant, furry peanut? You calling me a peanut, huh? I’ll go right up your nose! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You wouldn’t hit a woman. That’s a woman? Okay. Everyone, cool it. Let’s not get off on the wrong foot here. Um, family, this is my friend… Acquaintance. Yeah, acquaintance. Very good acquaintance, the Lorax. He speaks for the trees. That’s right. And on behalf of the trees, get out! Will you just be nice! This is my family. And I’m going to need their help if my company is going to get bigger. Okay?

Bigger? Yeah, this isn’t some rinky-dink operation anymore. I got plans. Big plans! A vision of a world filled with Thneeds. It’s going to be huge! Which way does a tree fall? Uh, down? A tree falls the way it leans. Be careful which way you lean. * * * I mean, look at this. It’s amazing. I am so proud of me. Oncie, we’ve got us a little problem. Problem? Mmm-hmm. See, we’re not making Thneeds fast enough. Harvesting the tufts takes too long! Well, what else can we do? Well, and this just came to me, we could always start chopping down the trees. What? Now you’re thinking. That would speed things up! But… No “but” s, Oncie. You’re running a business now. You have to do what’s best for the company, and your momma. Well, I guess it couldn’t hurt to chop down a few trees. You’ve made me so proud, Oncie. Come here! Hey! I love this guy! No! No, no, no! Stop it! Please, stop. Take that, you stupid tree! Where do you think you’re going? Excuse me, sir. I need to talk with your boss. Oh, I’m sorry, but Mr. Once-ler’s not seeing anyone right now. Yeah, well, he’ll see me. So… Hey, keep your paws off me! Give me a reason, Shorty. Hey, you broke your promise. You’re better than this. You gotta stop! This is bad! Have a nice day! Bad? I’m not bad, I’m the good guy here. He just doesn’t get it. Do you think I’m bad? Thank you! I mean, something good finally happens to me, and he just has to come along and rain on my parade. What’s his problem? See? Yeah, bad! Right. ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ I’m just doin’ ♪ ♪ what comes naturally ♪ ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ I’m just following my destiny ♪ ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ I’m just doin’ ♪ ♪ what comes naturally ♪ ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ How bad can I possibly be? ♪ ♪ Well, there’s ♪ ♪ a principle in nature ♪ ♪ Principle in nature ♪ ♪ That almost ♪ ♪ every creature knows ♪ ♪ Called survival of the fittest ♪ ♪ Survival of the fittest ♪ ♪ And check it, ♪ ♪ this is how it goes ♪ ♪ The animal that wins ♪ ♪ gotta scratch and fight ♪ ♪ And claw and bite and punch ♪ ♪ And the animal that doesn’t ♪ ♪ Well, the animal that doesn’t ♪ ♪ Winds up someone else’s ♪ ♪ La-la-la-la lunch ♪ ♪ Munch, munch, munch, munch, ♪ ♪ munch I’m just sayin’ ♪ ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ I’m just doin’ ♪ ♪ what comes naturally ♪ ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ I’m just following my destiny ♪ ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ I’m just doin’ ♪ ♪ what comes naturally ♪ ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ How bad can I possibly be? ♪ ♪ There’s a principle in business ♪ ♪ Principle in business ♪ ♪ That everybody knows is sound ♪ ♪ It says the people with the ♪ ♪ money People with the money ♪ ♪ Make this ♪ ♪ ever-loving world go round ♪ ♪ So I’m biggering my company ♪ ♪ I’m biggering my factory ♪ ♪ I’m biggering my corporate sign ♪ ♪ Bigger, bigger! ♪ ♪ Everybody out there ♪ ♪ You take care of yours ♪ ♪ I’ll take care of ♪ ♪ mine-mine-mine-mine-mine ♪ ♪ Shake that bottom line ♪ ♪ Let me hear you ♪ ♪ say Smogulous Smoke! ♪ ♪ Smogulous Smoke! ♪ ♪ Schloppity-Schlopp! ♪ ♪ Complain all you want It’s never, ♪ ♪ ever, ever, ever gonna stop ♪ ♪ Stop! ♪ ♪ Come on, ♪ ♪ how bad can I possibly be? ♪ ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ I’m just building the economy ♪ ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ Just look at me ♪ ♪ petting this puppy ♪ ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ A portion of proceeds ♪ ♪ goes to charity ♪ ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ How bad could I possibly be? ♪ ♪ Let’s see! ♪ ♪ All the customers are buying ♪ ♪ And the money’s multiplying ♪ ♪ And the PR people are lying ♪ ♪ And the lawyers are denying ♪ ♪ Who cares if ♪ ♪ a few trees are dying? ♪ ♪ This is all so gratifying! ♪ ♪ How bad? ♪ ♪ How bad can this possibly be? ♪ So, how are things? What are you doing here? Happy yet? You fill that hole deep down inside you? Or do you still need more? Look, if you’ve got a problem with what I’m doing, why haven’t you used your quote-unquote powers to stop me? I told you, that’s not how it works. Right, I forgot. You’re a fraud. I need you to get out. Now! Why? Do I make you uncomfortable? Remind you of the promises you made? The man you used to be? You know what? You can just shut your mustache. My

conscience is clear. I have done nothing illegal. I have my rights, and I intend to keep on biggering and biggering, and turning more Truffula trees into Thneeds. And nothing is going to stop me! Well, that’s it. The very last one. That may stop you. Somebody sure made a bundle on that thing. I wonder what the next million dollar invention’s going to be. Yeah, I wonder… Son, you have let me down. Brett, you are now my favorite child. Hey, look, I don’t want any trouble. And you won’t get any. Not from them. Thanks to you and your hacking, and smogging and glupping, they can’t live here anymore. So, I’m sending them off. Hopefully, they’ll be able to find a better place out there somewhere. Melvin? Melvin… Hey, Pipsqueak… Hey… So, this is really all your fault. You destroyed everything. Yes. And each day since the Lorax left, I’ve sat here regretting everything I’ve done, staring at that word, “unless,” and wondering what it meant. But now I’m thinking… Well, maybe you’re the reason the Lorax left that word there. Me? Why would he leave that for me? Because unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not. The last Truffula seed. You need to plant it, Ted. Yeah, but, nobody cares about trees anymore. Then make them care. Plant the seed in the middle of town, where everyone can see. Change the way things are. I know it may seem small and insignificant, but it’s not about what it is, it’s about what it can become. That’s not just a seed, any more than you’re just a boy. I won’t let you down. I know. * * * Hey, Audrey! Audrey! Ted? What are you doing? Meet me at my house. Wait, but… My house, okay? Got to plant the seed. Okay, we’re going to need water. And uh, something to dig with. Um, what do I have… Ted? Mom, I’m busy, Mom. Theodore Wiggins, get down here right now, and I am not kidding with you! Ted, I would like you to meet Mr. O’Hare, the most powerful man in town. There he is! Hello, Ted. Uh… Hi. Isn’t he clever, Mr. O’Hare? He knows his own name and everything. You know what I would love right now, Mrs. Wiggins? A delicious cookie. Wonderful. Teddy and I’ll stay here and talk. Sure, why don’t you go ahead and adopt him? I’m just kidding. That was a joke. I was just joking. I’ll get your cookie. I know you have it, Ted. So, let’s put an end to this nonsense, shall we? Hand it over. I’m sorry… I don’t know what you’re talking about. Really? Well, then… I guess you wouldn’t mind us checking your room. No, no, no! Morty! McGurk! Find the seed! No, you can’t go up there! Guys, this is ridiculous. Stop! Hey! No, you can’t come in my room! Find it! Find it! What is going on here? This doesn’t involve you! Get back downstairs! Excuse me, down there! I don’t care who you are, you little crazy baby-man! Get out of my house now. This is outrageous. Fine. Sorry. Must have been a misunderstanding. We’ll be leaving now. And my apologies, Ted. You be safe. Mind telling me what’s going on here? The seed! Where is it? Seed? Where’s Grammy? It’s alive! I remember you. Ted, what… Audrey! Hey, did you want to… Well, okay! Ted, what is this about? It’s about this. Wait, wait, wait. Is that… Yes. The last Truffula seed. And you’re going to help me plant it right in the middle of town where everyone can see it. I could just kiss you right now! We don’t have time for that. I don’t know, we have a little time. But, you know what, let’s just go. Let’s go. Forget about it. Maniac! Hey! Ah! Here it comes! I’m going for it. Oh, hello! Ted, big scary blimp coming. Whoa! You won’t get away with this, boy! Bam! Go faster, you idiot! Yeah! Step on it, Ted! Whoa! You’re fired! Whoa! Ted, look out! Nobody beats Aloysius O… Ted… This is not good. How’s it doing? Whoa-ho-ho! Loser! Oh, really? Oh, no. The seed! Get that seed! Hang on! Here we go! Grammy! Seriously, how cool is your grandma? No! Come on! Yeah, that’s right. There it is! Hey! Watch the road, you meathead! Ah! Hey, ow, ow! Oh, come on! What the… Get it unstuck, get it unstuck! Bring it on, Teddy! You don’t have the guts! Ted! Grammy! Whoo-hoo!

Yes! Hey, hey, hey! Hey! It’s Mr. O… Take that, shorty! Okay, we have to get this in the ground. But where? There’s no dirt anywhere. No, Grammy… Hey, get out of there! Ah! Hey! What? See, what did I tell you? Easy. Huh? Hey, they broke O’Hare’s head! What do you think you’re doing, kid? Um, I’m looking for a place to plant a tree. A real one. Why would we need a tree? Exactly. Oh, man. Folks… The last thing you want around here is trees. They’re filthy! Spewing that sticky, nasty sap all over the place. They bring poisonous ants and stinging bees. Hey! Ouch. Think about the kids. And, I just thought, you know, they make leaves! You know that, right? Then these leaves, they just fall. They just fall wherever they want! Come on! We know why you’re really against trees. Because they produce fresh air. For free! Oh! I am wounded! You have lied! It is not a lie! It’s called photosynthesis. Come on. She’s making that up! That’s a made-up word, people! Thneedville is perfect just the way it is. We don’t need trees! That boy has a seed. We need to stop him! Who’s with me? Come on! O’Hare is right! Seeds will ruin us all! Stop it! Last chance, kid. Hand it over! Where do you think you’re going? Come on, let’s go! Get in, get in! Hey! Stop that maniac! Excuse me, excuse me. Watch out! Ted, you’re going to hit the wall! Yeah. I know. Wow. Did you see that? Who does this kid think he is, huh? I am Ted Wiggins. And I speak for the trees. And the fact is, things aren’t perfect here in Thneedville. And they’re only going to get worse, unless we do something about it, unless we change our ways. And we can start by planting this! Okay. Come on, now. Everything is fine. Right? I say we tell this kid what we think about that seed! People, come on! You! Get out there right now and get these people on my side, or else you’re fired! Go on, tell them what you think. ♪ You don’t know me, ♪ ♪ but my name’s Cy ♪ ♪ I’m just ♪ ♪ the O’Hare delivery guy ♪ ♪ But it seems like ♪ ♪ trees might be worth a try ♪ ♪ So I say let it grow ♪ ♪ My name is Dan ♪ ♪ And my name’s Rose ♪ ♪ Our son Wesley kind of glows ♪ ♪ And that’s not good, ♪ ♪ so we suppose ♪ ♪ We should let it grow ♪ ♪ Let it grow, let it grow ♪ ♪ You can’t reap ♪ ♪ what you don’t sow ♪ ♪ Plant a seed inside the Earth ♪ ♪ Just one way to know its worth ♪ ♪ Let’s celebrate ♪ ♪ the world’s rebirth ♪ ♪ We say let it grow ♪ ♪ My name’s Marie, ♪ ♪ and I am three! ♪ ♪ I would really ♪ ♪ like to see a tree ♪ ♪ I say let it grow ♪ ♪ I’m Grammy Norma I’m old, ♪ ♪ and I’ve got gray hair ♪ ♪ But I remember when ♪ ♪ trees were everywhere ♪ ♪ And no one had to pay for air ♪ ♪ So I say let it grow ♪ ♪ Let it grow, let it grow ♪ ♪ Like it did so long ago ♪ ♪ It is just one tiny seed ♪ ♪ But it’s all we really need ♪ ♪ It’s time to change ♪ ♪ the life we lead ♪ ♪ Time to let it grow ♪ ♪ My name’s O’Hare, ♪ ♪ I’m one of you ♪ ♪ I live here in Thneedville, too ♪ ♪ The things you say ♪ ♪ just might be true ♪ ♪ It could be time to start anew ♪ ♪ And maybe change ♪ ♪ my point of view ♪ Nah! I say let it die! ♪ Let it die, let it die ♪ ♪ Let it shrivel up and… ♪ Come on, who’s with me? Nobody. ♪ You greedy dirt-bag-‘ ♪ ♪ Let it grow, let it grow ♪ ♪ Let the love inside you show ♪ ♪ Plant a seed inside the Earth ♪ ♪ Just one way to know its worth ♪ ♪ Let’s celebrate ♪ ♪ the world’s rebirth ♪ ♪ We say let it grow ♪ ♪ Let it grow, let it grow ♪ ♪ You can’t reap ♪ ♪ what you don’t sow ♪ ♪ It’s just one tiny seed ♪ ♪ But it’s all we really need ♪ ♪ It’s time to ♪ ♪ banish all your greed ♪ ♪ Imagine Thneedville ♪ ♪ flowered and treed ♪ ♪ Let this be our solemn creed ♪ Thank you, Ted. ♪ We say let it grow ♪ ♪ In Thneedville ♪ ♪ We say let it grow ♪ ♪ It’s a brand new dawn ♪ ♪ We say let it grow ♪ ♪ In Thneedville ♪ ♪ We say let it grow ♪ ♪ It’s a brand new dawn ♪ You done good, Beanpole. You done good. By the way, nice mustache. UNLESS someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not. —Dr. Seuss THE END

Hello, everybody. Thanks for comin’. I am the Lorax. I speak for the trees. And I’d like to say a few words, if you please. Regarding the story that you’re about to see it actually happened. Just take it from me. But there’s more to this story than what’s on the page, so please pay attention while I set the stage. We open in Thneedville, a city they say that was plastic and fake, and they liked it that way! A town without nature, not one living tree. So, what happened to them? Cue the music! Let’s see. Buzz. Buzz. ♪ In Thneedville, ♪ ♪ it’s a brand new dawn ♪ ♪ With brand new cars ♪ ♪ and houses and lawns ♪ ♪ Here in ♪ ♪ Got-all-that-we-need-ville ♪ ♪ In Thneedville, ♪ ♪ we manufacture our trees ♪ ♪ Each one is made in factories ♪ ♪ And uses 96 batteries ♪ ♪ In Thneedville, ♪ ♪ the air’s not so clean ♪ ♪ So we buy it fresh ♪ ♪ It comes out this machine! ♪ ♪ In Satisfaction’s-♪ ♪ guaranteed-ville ♪ ♪ In Thneedville, ♪ ♪ we don’t want to know ♪ ♪ Where the smog and trash ♪ ♪ and chemicals go ♪ ♪ I just went swimming, ♪ ♪ and now I glow ♪ ♪ In Thneedville, ♪ ♪ we have fun year round ♪ ♪ We surf and snowboard ♪ ♪ right in town ♪ ♪ We thank the Lord ♪ ♪ for all we’ve got ♪ ♪ Including this ♪ ♪ brand new parking lot! ♪ ♪ Parking lot! ♪ ♪ Oh, look, it’s Aloysius O’Hare ♪ ♪ Aloysius O’Hare ♪ ♪ The man who found ♪ ♪ a way to sell air ♪ ♪ And became a zillionaire ♪ ♪ Hip-hip-hooray! ♪ ♪ In Thneedville, ♪ ♪ we love living this way ♪ ♪ It’s like living in paradise ♪ ♪ It’s perfect! ♪ ♪ And that’s how it will stay ♪ ♪ Oh, yeah! ♪ ♪ Here in ♪ ♪ Love-the-life-we-lead-ville ♪ ♪ Destined-to-succeed-ville ♪ ♪ We-are-all-agreed-ville ♪ ♪ We love it here in… ♪ ♪ Thneedville! ♪ Yes! Oh, hi, Ted. Oh, hey, Audrey. Hi. Did your ball land in my backyard again? What? No. A model airplane, this time. Hey, do you want to see something cool? Come on. Whoa! Did you… Did you paint this? Do you like it? What? Are you kidding? This is amazing! What are those? Those are trees. Real ones. They used to grow all around here. And people said that the touch of their tufts was softer than anything, even silk. And they smelled like butterfly milk! Wow! What does that even mean? I know, right? Oh, yeah. What I want more than anything in the whole world is to see a real living tree growing in my backyard. So if, say… I’m just thinking out loud here. If a guy somehow got you one… I’d probably marry him on the spot. I bet that sounds crazy. Does that sound crazy? No! Not crazy. Not crazy at all. * * * Ted, honey, don’t play with your food. You, either, Mom. So, Mom, do you happen to know if there’s any place where I could get a real tree? Ted, we already have a tree. It’s the latest model. Yeah, but I mean a real one that grows out of the ground or whatever. You know, a real tree. Really? You would rather have some dirty, messy lump of wood that just sticks out of the ground? And it does what? I don’t even know what it does. What’s its purpose? Look at what we’ve got. It’s the Oak-amatic. The only tree with its own remote. Summer, autumn, winter, and disco! Mom? Come on, Ted. Get into it. Dance with the tree. Oh, it hurts, Mom. Please stop. So, anyway… Let’s just say I need a tree. Where would I go? What do I do? Then you know what? You need to find the Once-ler. The What? Mom, it’s not really the time for one of your magical fables, okay? That’s right, I forgot. I’m old and can’t even remember to put my teeth in. Stand down. That’s not what I meant. No, really, I forgot my teeth. Would you be a dear and go get them for me? Sure, Mom. Okay, here’s the deal. The Once-ler is the man who knows what happened to the trees. You want one, you need to find him. The Once-ler? Mmm-hmm. Okay. Grammy, is this a real thing that we’re talking about now? Oh, he’s real all right. Well, where can I find him? Far outside of town where the grass never grows and the wind smells slow and sour when it blows. And no birds ever sing, excepting old crows. Quit doing that. That’s the place where the Once-ler lives. Wait, outside of town? People used to say if you brought him 15 cents, a

nail and the shell of a great, great, great grandfather snail, he would tell you everything. * * * Hmm. Mr. O’Hare, what we’ve got for you is something that is going to take O’Hare Air to the next level. Now, Mr. O’Hare, I know what you’re thinking. One, “I’ve gotten rich selling people air that’s” “fresher than the stinky stuff outside.” Two, and here is the important one, “How can I possibly make even more money?” We can tell you, sir! We can tell you. Check out this commercial, huh? Well, here goes another lame Saturday. Dude, I don’t think so! Huh! Hey! Man! Oh, yeah! What! Yeah! O’Hare purified air. Freshness to go. Please breathe responsibly. Ah? Oh, my goodness. Yeah! Love it. You got to be kidding me. You really think people are stupid enough to buy this? Our research shows that if you put something in a plastic bottle, people will buy it. Exactly. And… And what’s more, when we build a new factory to make the plastic bottles, the air quality is just going to get worse. Which will make people want our air even more, and drive sales where? Through the roof! So, in other words, the more smog in the sky, the more people will buy. See, that’s why he’s the genius! It even rhymes! I’m aware it rhymes. Coats. Big. What do you two knuckleheads want? I’m in the middle of a meeting! What? Why is he leaving town? No one ever leaves town! See what he’s up to. * * * Whoa! Huh? Whoa! Whoa. Oh, man. Whoa! All right. Okay. What the… Whoa! Who are you? Who are you and what are you doing here? I’m Ted. I’m Ted. I can’t breathe. Are you the Once-ler? Oh, man. Didn’t you read the signs? No one is supposed to come here. Get out of here and leave me alone! And don’t let the boot hit you on the way out. The boot? Hello! Ow! Listen! People say that if someone brings you this stuff that you will tell them about trees. No, no, no! Trees? Yeah, real ones. You know, that grow out of the ground? Hello? Sorry, it’s just… Well, I didn’t think anyone still cared about trees. Well, that’s me. The guy who still cares. I’m here. Hey! What? Do you want to know about trees? About what happened to them? Why they’re all gone? It’s because of me. Wait, what? It’s because of me! And my invention, the Thneed. It was an amazing product that could do the job of a thousand. All right. Sounds ridiculous, but I mean, that’s cool. You’re darn right it was cool! It all started a long time ago. Can we start not so long ago, maybe? Do you want a tree? Yes, yes. Then it all started a long, long time ago. I was a young man leaving home… Well, here I go, Mom. Off to change the world with my Thneed. I’m actually doing it! Yes, but just remember, Oncie, if somehow your invention ends up a failure instead of a success, oh, it wouldn’t surprise me at all! Nice wheels. Burn! Ow! Yeah, “Burn!” But you will see, okay? I’m going to prove you all wrong. Come on, Melvin! So, there I was at the very bottom. With nothing but a wagon, a mule, and a completely irrational sense of optimism. I was searching the globe, obsessed with finding the perfect material for my Thneed. But I’d had absolutely no success. Until one day, I found paradise… Oh! We’re going to be there soon, I’m sure. Whoa! This is the most beautiful place, okay, I have ever seen. Oh. Ta-da! Whoa! Yeah. ♪ This is it ♪ ♪ This is the place ♪ ♪ These Truffula trees ♪ ♪ are just what I need ♪ ♪ Gonna chop one down ♪ ♪ and make my Thneed ♪ ♪ But first… ♪ ♪ Na! Na! Nanana Na! ♪ ♪ Na Na Nana Nanana Na Na… ♪ ♪ Now you! ♪ ♪ That’s great! ♪ ♪ So now our ♪ ♪ friendship can begin ♪ ♪ Hand in hand, ♪ ♪ and wing and fin ♪ ♪ There’s nothing ♪ ♪ you and I can’t do ♪ ♪ So let’s all make ♪ ♪ my dreams come true ♪ Hey, guys! Come on, where is my back-up chorus? What? Ah-ha! Oh. Ooh! Hey, hey, wait. Wait a minute. Excuse me? Yeah, that’s awesome. Feeding junk food to forest animals? That’s great. But, uh, is there a musical number where you show me how to get a tree? Because I would love to hear that one. Oh, yes. Right after the musical number about the kid who kept interrupting the story, and was never heard from again. Right, got

it. Proceed. All right, here we go. About to make a Thneed, about to change the world. Check it out, guys… Where did everybody go? Little did I know that by chopping down that tree I had just summoned a mystical creature as old as time itself. The legendary, slightly annoying guardian of the forest. The Lorax. Hey! Whoo! Did you chop down this tree? Uh… No. Who did it? What’s that? I think he did it. Leave! Vacate the premises! Take your ax and get out! And who are you? I’m the Lorax! Guardian of the forest. I speak for the trees. So you’re telling me, you just didn’t see me magically appear out of that stump? With all the lightning and thunder and stuff. You didn’t see any of that? No, but that sounds amazing. Can I see some of that? Uh, yeah, I could show you. But that’s not how it works. Okay. Um… Didn’t really happen. Oh, I know what you want! I’ve got one of these for the cutest little guy I ever saw! Yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy… How dare you! Give me that! Mmm. I’m going to eat this, but I am highly offended by it. What are you… Hey, Mustache! Will you stop that? What’s your deal, man? Pull them right out Time for you to go, Beanpole! Just going to put them right back in. We can do this all day. Stop right there! Stop it! So you would hammer one of nature’s innocent creatures? What? No! I would never hit this little guy. You, on the other hand, I would gladly pound you and your mustache into the ground! Behold! The intruder and his violent ways. Shame on you. For shame! All right, you know what? That’s it! You listen to me, you furry meatloaf. I’m going to chop down as many trees as I need. Okay? Newsflash! Not going anywhere! End of story. Then you leave me no choice. If you’re not gone by the time the sun sets on this valley, all the forces of nature will be unleashed upon you and curse you until the end of your days! You have been warned. Thanks. Yeah, okay. You have been warned. But I didn’t listen to his warning. And you won’t believe what happened that night. What? If you want to hear more, come back tomorrow. Hey, wait, wait! Tomorrow? Whoa! Whoa-ho-ho. Are you serious right now? Ah! You live in the middle of nowhere! It stinks out here. Don’t make me come back! I guess you don’t really want to hear the rest of the story. No, no. I do. I really do. I want to hear the story. I just… Nah! You don’t have what it takes. Goodbye. Wait, wait! I have what it takes. It’s all right. It’s okay, I’ll come back. It’s no problem. See, here I am, leaving. Walking away now. I’ll see you tomorrow. Mmm. Maybe. Just maybe. * * * What did you wish for, Audrey? Well, I would love to tell you, but, sadly, according to the universal wish laws, I cannot I know what she wished for. Was it, perhaps… This? Ted, you didn’t. Oh, no. I totally did. Happy birthday, Audrey. Kiss him! Kiss him! Ted. Ted. Tedster. Huh! You’re kissing the cereal again, hon. What? I just… I like this cereal. What one is this? Yeah! Okay. Well, I’ll make sure to buy extra next time for you. All right, cool. Hey, I got to run. I got to go do a thing. So, I’ll see you guys. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You’re not going anywhere, young man. It’s Sunday. You know what that means? Family time, and we’re all playing board games! But… Hmm. Mmm? Oh, man. Mom, seriously, every turn? Hey, back off! Ooh! No. Okay! Family time is over. It is now personal time. I’ll be in my room. Okay, dear. Have fun. I knew I could break her. Go. Huh? Go see him! Oh, yeah! You rule! Thank you, Grammy. * * * Whoa! Hey! Ted, right? Um, Mr. O’Hare? So, I hear you have become interested in trees. What’s that all about? Oh. Um… Where did you hear that? Oh. Teddy, there’s not much that goes on in Thneedville that I don’t know about. Here’s the deal, I make a living selling fresh air to people. Trees? They make it for free. So, when I hear people talking about them, I consider it kind of a threat to my business. I don’t even know what you’re talking about. You listen to me, boy. Don’t go poking around in things you don’t understand or I’ll be your worst nightmare. I’m Frankenstein’s head on a

spider’s body! Yeah, um… Okay, my mom is expecting me. So, I’m just going to… Of course, of course. Now, go back to your family game time. Grandma just finished her turn. How did you know? Please. I have eyes everywhere. Huh! You got a beautiful town here, Ted. Lots of fun stuff to occupy your short attention span. Why, I can’t think of any reason you would ever want to go outside of town again. Even. Okay! Good talk. Really good talk. Oh, no. Look out! Hey, man? You know, you need to change that door bell. Oh, you missed me. What? You’re already back. Clearly, you missed me a little. Right? No, I didn’t. I’m just here to hear the end of the story. Why are you so interested in trees anyway? Why aren’t you like other kids, break dancing and wearing bell-bottoms, and playing the Donkey Kongs? Yeah, right, right. I don’t know. Uh, I just thought it would be kind of cool to have one, you know? Huh? It’s a girl, isn’t it? What? No! Really? Because when a guy does something stupid once, well, that’s because he’s a guy. But if he does the same stupid thing twice, it’s usually to impress some girl. Hey, she is not some girl! She’s a woman, in high school. And she loves trees. And I’m going to get her one. Aw! How nice to see someone so undeterred by things like reality. Thank you. All right, but where did we leave off? * * * Now that’s a Thneed. Nothing unmanly about knitting. No, sir. Look at that… Oh! Who taught you guys how to steal a bed? Shh! Okay, nice and easy. Nice work, you guys. Couldn’t have done it without you. You got to be kidding me. Can he swim? Of course he can’t swim! Hang on, Pipsqueak! I’m coming to get you! Hey, you fishies! Stop that bed! Whoo! Whoo! Jump, jump! Come on, get up there. Come on. Go, go! A little bit more! A little bit more! Now what? Mmm-mmm. Get up there. Okay, Pipsqueak, give me your hand. Come on, reach out for the Lorax. Where did you go? Bar-ba-loots. Oh, that’s bad. Hey, Beanpole, wake up! What’s happening? Where am I? Hey! We got trouble, and it’s coming up fast! Whoo! We’re in a river! Whew! Oh, no. Just do something! Help is on the way! No, no! Just a minute! Oh, no! Wake up! Wake up! Yuck! Clear! Ah! I was heading into the light, and you pulled me right back and here I am! You saved my life! Yeah, I know. Well, no, it’s not that big a deal. It is a big deal! Look, I almost went over that waterfall! Wait… On my bed. How did my bed get in the river? Uh… About that… Actually… I put your bed in the water. I didn’t mean you any harm. I just wanted to calmly float you away. Look, everyone here needs the trees and you’re chopping them down! So, we’ve got a big problem. All right, look. I hereby swear that I will never chop down another tree. I promise. Thank you. But I’m going to keep my eye on you. Good. Now, I’ve got a big day tomorrow so I’m going to get some sleep. Right after I find my bed. * * * Ow! Okay, what are you… Question, what are they doing here? And follow up, if I may, what are you doing here? Well, after the incident last night, we found one of your socks and came here to return it. But when we got here, you were asleep. What? Ew! Exactly. And sleeping is the body’s way of telling other people to go away. I know, but you looked so cozy. And it was cold outside, and we just fell asleep. No harm done. “No harm done”? “No harm done”? Okay. Okay, I put my lips on those. Well, I used to, anyway. Ew. Did you just… In my bowl! Why do you have one of these? You don’t even have a mustache. Okay, that’s it! What? I thought we made a deal last night. Yes, we did. And I said I wouldn’t chop down any more trees. And I said I was going to keep an eye on you. I’m starving. What’s for breakfast? Breakfast is overrated. You know what? I got work to do. Yeah. I got to go into town and sell my Thneed. You chopped down one of my trees to make that piece of garbage? Look at that… “Garbage”? Oh, no. Oh, no! You do not get it. This is a revolutionary product that will change the world as we know it. It has a million uses! Look at this. It’s a swimsuit! Mud tracked all over your floor by

uninvited guests? Well, the Thneed sure comes in handy for that! But wait, there’s more! Thanks to its all-natural microfibers, the Thneed is super-absorbent! It also works as a hat. Of course, you probably want to wring it out first. Go ahead, knock yourself out. But nobody is going to buy that thing. Good to know. Well, fortunately, you are not the target market, weirdo. You’re bringing a guitar? Oh, yeah. I got a little jingle. I’m gonna blow some minds, gonna sell some Thneeds! Yeah. ♪ Everybody needs a Thneed ♪ ♪ A fine thing that all people… ♪ Sit down, go on. Unfortunately, I didn’t sell it the first day. ♪ The Thneed is good ♪ ♪ The Thneed is great… ♪ Hey! Or the second day. Hey! Or the third, or fourth, or fifth day. Okay, that one hit the tender spot. Until finally… That’s it! You know what? I’m done with this thing. Aw. My family was right. I quit! Hey. Cool hat. Oh, my gosh! I totally want one. That thing makes me like you more. Hey! Where’s your Thneed, did you sell it? Hey. No, no. Didn’t sell it. Turns out, it’s ahead of its time, I guess. Hey, you gave it your best shot. Right? What more can you do? Come on, take a seat, we’ll deal you in. What are we playing? I’m playing poker. He’s playing Go Fish. And I think he’s hungry. Ohhh. ♪ Pancake, the pancake ♪ Up! Who is up for ninths? Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Whoa! All right, pass them over. Yeah, see? What’s going on? Oh, no. That’s a lot of people. ♪ Everybody needs a Thneed ♪ ♪ A fine thing ♪ ♪ that all people need ♪ ♪ The Thneed is good ♪ ♪ The Thneed is great ♪ ♪ Let’s hope we’re not too late ♪ ♪ It’s a super trendy hat ♪ ♪ It’s a tightrope for an acrobat ♪ ♪ A net for catching butterflies ♪ ♪ A thing we use for exercise ♪ ♪ Everybody needs a Thneed ♪ ♪ A fine thing ♪ ♪ that all people need ♪ ♪ Everybody needs a Thneed ♪ Oh, yeah! We’re in business, baby! ♪ We need a Thneed ♪ Mom? Hey, it’s me! I told you I was going to be a success! You need to bring the whole family here right now. We’re going to be rich! What? I’m going to need all the help I can get. Don’t worry. * * * So, has he told you how to get a tree yet? Actually, no. But I think he’s going to get to that part really soon. Here we are. What? I’ll just be a minute. Oh, wow. Hey, Audrey! Oh, hi, Ted! What’s up? You know me, just cruising. Putting out the vibe. Just me and my thoughts. Oh, is this the girl you’re always talking about? Grandma! Stop making things up. She’s even prettier than… Okay, got to run! Bye. Okay, Grammy, let’s get you home! Yeah! Whoa! I’m so sorry. So sorry. Did not wanna see that. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa-ho-ho! Hey! Hey, I’m back. What have you got there? Yes! Whoa! Thank you, Ted. Now, picture this. Sun shining, a blue sky, a perfect day. It was all downhill from there. Whoa! What a dump. Hey, Aunt Grizelda! Hey, Chet, check this out! Go long! No, Brett, that’s actually not a… Okay. Go long! Go long! I got it! I got it! Got it! He totally ran into that tree! Ow! Oncie, is that you? Mom! There he is! There’s my big, suddenly successful son! We always knew you would make it, Oncie. Right? Hey! I love this guy! But you always said I wouldn’t amount to anything, remember? Hush your mouth. I was just trying to motivate you! I am really glad that you clarified that because it actually hurt my feelings for a really long time. Anyway, you’re all here, you all work for me, and that’s cool. So, let’s get to work. Brett, Chet, set up the RV! Would you stop throwing that bear? Time out. Back up. Stop. Don’t move an inch. Nobody’s moving in here. You got to go. Goodbye. So, who invited the giant, furry peanut? You calling me a peanut, huh? I’ll go right up your nose! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You wouldn’t hit a woman. That’s a woman? Okay. Everyone, cool it. Let’s not get off on the wrong foot here. Um, family, this is my friend… Acquaintance. Yeah, acquaintance. Very good acquaintance, the Lorax. He speaks for the trees. That’s right. And on behalf of the trees, get out! Will you just be nice! This is my family. And I’m going to need their help if my company is going to get bigger. Okay?

Bigger? Yeah, this isn’t some rinky-dink operation anymore. I got plans. Big plans! A vision of a world filled with Thneeds. It’s going to be huge! Which way does a tree fall? Uh, down? A tree falls the way it leans. Be careful which way you lean. * * * I mean, look at this. It’s amazing. I am so proud of me. Oncie, we’ve got us a little problem. Problem? Mmm-hmm. See, we’re not making Thneeds fast enough. Harvesting the tufts takes too long! Well, what else can we do? Well, and this just came to me, we could always start chopping down the trees. What? Now you’re thinking. That would speed things up! But… No “but” s, Oncie. You’re running a business now. You have to do what’s best for the company, and your momma. Well, I guess it couldn’t hurt to chop down a few trees. You’ve made me so proud, Oncie. Come here! Hey! I love this guy! No! No, no, no! Stop it! Please, stop. Take that, you stupid tree! Where do you think you’re going? Excuse me, sir. I need to talk with your boss. Oh, I’m sorry, but Mr. Once-ler’s not seeing anyone right now. Yeah, well, he’ll see me. So… Hey, keep your paws off me! Give me a reason, Shorty. Hey, you broke your promise. You’re better than this. You gotta stop! This is bad! Have a nice day! Bad? I’m not bad, I’m the good guy here. He just doesn’t get it. Do you think I’m bad? Thank you! I mean, something good finally happens to me, and he just has to come along and rain on my parade. What’s his problem? See? Yeah, bad! Right. ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ I’m just doin’ ♪ ♪ what comes naturally ♪ ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ I’m just following my destiny ♪ ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ I’m just doin’ ♪ ♪ what comes naturally ♪ ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ How bad can I possibly be? ♪ ♪ Well, there’s ♪ ♪ a principle in nature ♪ ♪ Principle in nature ♪ ♪ That almost ♪ ♪ every creature knows ♪ ♪ Called survival of the fittest ♪ ♪ Survival of the fittest ♪ ♪ And check it, ♪ ♪ this is how it goes ♪ ♪ The animal that wins ♪ ♪ gotta scratch and fight ♪ ♪ And claw and bite and punch ♪ ♪ And the animal that doesn’t ♪ ♪ Well, the animal that doesn’t ♪ ♪ Winds up someone else’s ♪ ♪ La-la-la-la lunch ♪ ♪ Munch, munch, munch, munch, ♪ ♪ munch I’m just sayin’ ♪ ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ I’m just doin’ ♪ ♪ what comes naturally ♪ ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ I’m just following my destiny ♪ ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ I’m just doin’ ♪ ♪ what comes naturally ♪ ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ How bad can I possibly be? ♪ ♪ There’s a principle in business ♪ ♪ Principle in business ♪ ♪ That everybody knows is sound ♪ ♪ It says the people with the ♪ ♪ money People with the money ♪ ♪ Make this ♪ ♪ ever-loving world go round ♪ ♪ So I’m biggering my company ♪ ♪ I’m biggering my factory ♪ ♪ I’m biggering my corporate sign ♪ ♪ Bigger, bigger! ♪ ♪ Everybody out there ♪ ♪ You take care of yours ♪ ♪ I’ll take care of ♪ ♪ mine-mine-mine-mine-mine ♪ ♪ Shake that bottom line ♪ ♪ Let me hear you ♪ ♪ say Smogulous Smoke! ♪ ♪ Smogulous Smoke! ♪ ♪ Schloppity-Schlopp! ♪ ♪ Complain all you want It’s never, ♪ ♪ ever, ever, ever gonna stop ♪ ♪ Stop! ♪ ♪ Come on, ♪ ♪ how bad can I possibly be? ♪ ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ I’m just building the economy ♪ ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ Just look at me ♪ ♪ petting this puppy ♪ ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ A portion of proceeds ♪ ♪ goes to charity ♪ ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ How bad could I possibly be? ♪ ♪ Let’s see! ♪ ♪ All the customers are buying ♪ ♪ And the money’s multiplying ♪ ♪ And the PR people are lying ♪ ♪ And the lawyers are denying ♪ ♪ Who cares if ♪ ♪ a few trees are dying? ♪ ♪ This is all so gratifying! ♪ ♪ How bad? ♪ ♪ How bad can this possibly be? ♪ So, how are things? What are you doing here? Happy yet? You fill that hole deep down inside you? Or do you still need more? Look, if you’ve got a problem with what I’m doing, why haven’t you used your quote-unquote powers to stop me? I told you, that’s not how it works. Right, I forgot. You’re a fraud. I need you to get out. Now! Why? Do I make you uncomfortable? Remind you of the promises you made? The man you used to be? You know what? You can just shut your mustache. My

conscience is clear. I have done nothing illegal. I have my rights, and I intend to keep on biggering and biggering, and turning more Truffula trees into Thneeds. And nothing is going to stop me! Well, that’s it. The very last one. That may stop you. Somebody sure made a bundle on that thing. I wonder what the next million dollar invention’s going to be. Yeah, I wonder… Son, you have let me down. Brett, you are now my favorite child. Hey, look, I don’t want any trouble. And you won’t get any. Not from them. Thanks to you and your hacking, and smogging and glupping, they can’t live here anymore. So, I’m sending them off. Hopefully, they’ll be able to find a better place out there somewhere. Melvin? Melvin… Hey, Pipsqueak… Hey… So, this is really all your fault. You destroyed everything. Yes. And each day since the Lorax left, I’ve sat here regretting everything I’ve done, staring at that word, “unless,” and wondering what it meant. But now I’m thinking… Well, maybe you’re the reason the Lorax left that word there. Me? Why would he leave that for me? Because unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not. The last Truffula seed. You need to plant it, Ted. Yeah, but, nobody cares about trees anymore. Then make them care. Plant the seed in the middle of town, where everyone can see. Change the way things are. I know it may seem small and insignificant, but it’s not about what it is, it’s about what it can become. That’s not just a seed, any more than you’re just a boy. I won’t let you down. I know. * * * Hey, Audrey! Audrey! Ted? What are you doing? Meet me at my house. Wait, but… My house, okay? Got to plant the seed. Okay, we’re going to need water. And uh, something to dig with. Um, what do I have… Ted? Mom, I’m busy, Mom. Theodore Wiggins, get down here right now, and I am not kidding with you! Ted, I would like you to meet Mr. O’Hare, the most powerful man in town. There he is! Hello, Ted. Uh… Hi. Isn’t he clever, Mr. O’Hare? He knows his own name and everything. You know what I would love right now, Mrs. Wiggins? A delicious cookie. Wonderful. Teddy and I’ll stay here and talk. Sure, why don’t you go ahead and adopt him? I’m just kidding. That was a joke. I was just joking. I’ll get your cookie. I know you have it, Ted. So, let’s put an end to this nonsense, shall we? Hand it over. I’m sorry… I don’t know what you’re talking about. Really? Well, then… I guess you wouldn’t mind us checking your room. No, no, no! Morty! McGurk! Find the seed! No, you can’t go up there! Guys, this is ridiculous. Stop! Hey! No, you can’t come in my room! Find it! Find it! What is going on here? This doesn’t involve you! Get back downstairs! Excuse me, down there! I don’t care who you are, you little crazy baby-man! Get out of my house now. This is outrageous. Fine. Sorry. Must have been a misunderstanding. We’ll be leaving now. And my apologies, Ted. You be safe. Mind telling me what’s going on here? The seed! Where is it? Seed? Where’s Grammy? It’s alive! I remember you. Ted, what… Audrey! Hey, did you want to… Well, okay! Ted, what is this about? It’s about this. Wait, wait, wait. Is that… Yes. The last Truffula seed. And you’re going to help me plant it right in the middle of town where everyone can see it. I could just kiss you right now! We don’t have time for that. I don’t know, we have a little time. But, you know what, let’s just go. Let’s go. Forget about it. Maniac! Hey! Ah! Here it comes! I’m going for it. Oh, hello! Ted, big scary blimp coming. Whoa! You won’t get away with this, boy! Bam! Go faster, you idiot! Yeah! Step on it, Ted! Whoa! You’re fired! Whoa! Ted, look out! Nobody beats Aloysius O… Ted… This is not good. How’s it doing? Whoa-ho-ho! Loser! Oh, really? Oh, no. The seed! Get that seed! Hang on! Here we go! Grammy! Seriously, how cool is your grandma? No! Come on! Yeah, that’s right. There it is! Hey! Watch the road, you meathead! Ah! Hey, ow, ow! Oh, come on! What the… Get it unstuck, get it unstuck! Bring it on, Teddy! You don’t have the guts! Ted! Grammy! Whoo-hoo!

Yes! Hey, hey, hey! Hey! It’s Mr. O… Take that, shorty! Okay, we have to get this in the ground. But where? There’s no dirt anywhere. No, Grammy… Hey, get out of there! Ah! Hey! What? See, what did I tell you? Easy. Huh? Hey, they broke O’Hare’s head! What do you think you’re doing, kid? Um, I’m looking for a place to plant a tree. A real one. Why would we need a tree? Exactly. Oh, man. Folks… The last thing you want around here is trees. They’re filthy! Spewing that sticky, nasty sap all over the place. They bring poisonous ants and stinging bees. Hey! Ouch. Think about the kids. And, I just thought, you know, they make leaves! You know that, right? Then these leaves, they just fall. They just fall wherever they want! Come on! We know why you’re really against trees. Because they produce fresh air. For free! Oh! I am wounded! You have lied! It is not a lie! It’s called photosynthesis. Come on. She’s making that up! That’s a made-up word, people! Thneedville is perfect just the way it is. We don’t need trees! That boy has a seed. We need to stop him! Who’s with me? Come on! O’Hare is right! Seeds will ruin us all! Stop it! Last chance, kid. Hand it over! Where do you think you’re going? Come on, let’s go! Get in, get in! Hey! Stop that maniac! Excuse me, excuse me. Watch out! Ted, you’re going to hit the wall! Yeah. I know. Wow. Did you see that? Who does this kid think he is, huh? I am Ted Wiggins. And I speak for the trees. And the fact is, things aren’t perfect here in Thneedville. And they’re only going to get worse, unless we do something about it, unless we change our ways. And we can start by planting this! Okay. Come on, now. Everything is fine. Right? I say we tell this kid what we think about that seed! People, come on! You! Get out there right now and get these people on my side, or else you’re fired! Go on, tell them what you think. ♪ You don’t know me, ♪ ♪ but my name’s Cy ♪ ♪ I’m just ♪ ♪ the O’Hare delivery guy ♪ ♪ But it seems like ♪ ♪ trees might be worth a try ♪ ♪ So I say let it grow ♪ ♪ My name is Dan ♪ ♪ And my name’s Rose ♪ ♪ Our son Wesley kind of glows ♪ ♪ And that’s not good, ♪ ♪ so we suppose ♪ ♪ We should let it grow ♪ ♪ Let it grow, let it grow ♪ ♪ You can’t reap ♪ ♪ what you don’t sow ♪ ♪ Plant a seed inside the Earth ♪ ♪ Just one way to know its worth ♪ ♪ Let’s celebrate ♪ ♪ the world’s rebirth ♪ ♪ We say let it grow ♪ ♪ My name’s Marie, ♪ ♪ and I am three! ♪ ♪ I would really ♪ ♪ like to see a tree ♪ ♪ I say let it grow ♪ ♪ I’m Grammy Norma I’m old, ♪ ♪ and I’ve got gray hair ♪ ♪ But I remember when ♪ ♪ trees were everywhere ♪ ♪ And no one had to pay for air ♪ ♪ So I say let it grow ♪ ♪ Let it grow, let it grow ♪ ♪ Like it did so long ago ♪ ♪ It is just one tiny seed ♪ ♪ But it’s all we really need ♪ ♪ It’s time to change ♪ ♪ the life we lead ♪ ♪ Time to let it grow ♪ ♪ My name’s O’Hare, ♪ ♪ I’m one of you ♪ ♪ I live here in Thneedville, too ♪ ♪ The things you say ♪ ♪ just might be true ♪ ♪ It could be time to start anew ♪ ♪ And maybe change ♪ ♪ my point of view ♪ Nah! I say let it die! ♪ Let it die, let it die ♪ ♪ Let it shrivel up and… ♪ Come on, who’s with me? Nobody. ♪ You greedy dirt-bag-‘ ♪ ♪ Let it grow, let it grow ♪ ♪ Let the love inside you show ♪ ♪ Plant a seed inside the Earth ♪ ♪ Just one way to know its worth ♪ ♪ Let’s celebrate ♪ ♪ the world’s rebirth ♪ ♪ We say let it grow ♪ ♪ Let it grow, let it grow ♪ ♪ You can’t reap ♪ ♪ what you don’t sow ♪ ♪ It’s just one tiny seed ♪ ♪ But it’s all we really need ♪ ♪ It’s time to ♪ ♪ banish all your greed ♪ ♪ Imagine Thneedville ♪ ♪ flowered and treed ♪ ♪ Let this be our solemn creed ♪ Thank you, Ted. ♪ We say let it grow ♪ ♪ In Thneedville ♪ ♪ We say let it grow ♪ ♪ It’s a brand new dawn ♪ ♪ We say let it grow ♪ ♪ In Thneedville ♪ ♪ We say let it grow ♪ ♪ It’s a brand new dawn ♪ You done good, Beanpole. You done good. By the way, nice mustache. UNLESS someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not. —Dr. Seuss THE END

Omg

[our-time-is-now]

July 2, 2019 - Fidanzato

(previous play)

You can find more information about the authors, translators, content warning and additional information about the plays in the pinned post on  our blog.

Matteo: *has, together with David, switched from the flatshare to David’s place yesterday, because Laura and Matteo wanted to cook together* *unfortunately, Laura had to cancel last minute, because she forgot about another appointment* *so Matteo has cooked – not the new recipe they had meant to try out, but just pasta alla Luigi* *they have enjoyed the meal and they have moved to the living room afterwards to hang out on the couch* *David has turned on some boring movie and Matteo grumbles* Okay, but I don’t understand… why doesn’t he just tell his father that the key is in the trunk? It’s just insane!

David: *has turned on just any movie after dinner, but is actually too tired to concentrate on the action* *looks from Matteo to the TV and back at Matteo’s question* Huh? The key is in the trunk? *frowns* I thought that blonde dude had taken it… *laughs and looks apologetically at Matteo* Maybe I haven’t really been paying attention… *stretches and yawns* *looks back at Matteo* You can change channels, if you want – I don’t have to watch this. I just put on something…

Matteo: *frowns and is suddenly not so certain anymore himself* The blonde dude has it? *laughs and shrugs* Can be… *stretches out a bit and grabs the remote* *surfs two channels on, when suddenly his phone rings* *gets up, puts the remote down and grabs his phone from the table* Oh, grandma… *thinks for a moment he will not pick up, but realizes he cannot do that to his grandma* *stands up and answers* Ciao nonna…

David: *leans back and gets comfortable while he watches Matteo zap through the channels, when the phone starts ringing* *nods when he hears Matteo’s announcement and takes the remote to turn down the volume – you never know how the connection with Italy is*

Grandma: Ciao, my dear boy! We haven’t spoken in so long. Is everything okay? How are you doing?

Matteo: *looks quickly back to David when he turns down the volume* *steps into the kitchen, so David can watch on without being disturbed* Yeah, sorry, grandma, I wanted to call you so often… but you know how it is… I am doing fine, everything is perfect. And you? *purses his lips for a moment, because he always feels a little bit uneasy when he talks to his grandma, even though he loves her* *doesn’t really know why, whether it is because of his dad or because he isn’t out to her yet, or both*

David: *watches Matteo leave the room, but doesn’t really think a lot of it, except that maybe the connection is indeed bad and Matteo is searching for a better one somewhere else* *speaks barely any Italian anyway and therefore doesn’t think Matteo’s leaving has anything to do with him* *zaps along but cannot find anything cool* *finally sticks with a documentary about South-America and watches that*

Grandma: Yeah, you young people always have such an incredible lot to do and no time to call your grandmothers! I know, I know! Your cousins are just the same! Only Josephina calls regularly... But good to hear, my boy, that you are doing fine. I am also fine, but it’s getting hot here in bella Italia. I feel it gets hotter every year, don’t you agree!? I am busy watering the flowers in my garden every morning and evening, but they are hanging their heads all day nevertheless. It’s even too hot for them! How is your mom doing? Everything okay with her? And has your father contacted you yet?

Matteo: *notices that he has to make an effort, at the start, to understand the Italian properly* *feels then rather relieved, when he doesn’t have to think about it anymore after a while and is happy that his grandmother is talking so much* Yeah, it’s getting warmer every year, grandma… That’s climate change… *swallows then, when she mentions his parents* Mama is doing fine… really good. She would be really glad if you call her some time… *then breathes deeply in and out* And no. He hasn’t. And he shouldn’t. You know that.

Grandma: Yes, yes, climate change – if I’m lucky I won’t have to live through the consequences. Oh, good to hear your mom is doing well! I was thinking about calling her, but I’m not sure if she wants to talk to me. I tried once, shortly after your father moved out, but I felt like I was bothering her. And that’s not what I want. Maybe she thought that that old lady would be just like her son, but no! I don’t approve of what your father has done, you know that, my boy, don’t you? It’s just not right! Leaving a sick wife and son! Maybe I will call her again. Maybe it will be better, now that the divorce is not so fresh anymore. I’ve always liked your mom. Such a sweet woman! She used to help me out a lot, when you were here during the summer. But that your father isn’t contacting you… That’s not how I raised him! I know that you don’t want to talk to him. But he doesn’t know that! He should make an effort! He could at least apologize. He could be a man and look after his child! Does he even know that you have graduated!? That’s such a big step in your life! A father should know such things! But he hasn’t even contacted me recently. The last time I heard from him was three months ago! He is probably afraid I will scold him…

Matteo: *can’t help but laugh softly, when he hears his grandma talk, and notices he does really miss her* Oh, grandma… Mama will definitely be happy to hear from you… And about my father, I really don’t know… maybe mama has told him about my graduation, but if she didn’t, then he wouldn’t know…. *has been walking around and sits down at the counter* I know you don’t like to hear it, but I really don’t want to talk about him… What’s up over there, then?

Grandma: Yes, I will call your mama! This week, promised! I know you don’t want to talk about him. He has let you down. And not only you! Me too! And your mom! I haven’t yet given up hope, that he will come to his senses at some point. And if that happens it would be good if you were talking to him. But you are right, my boy… as long as he behaves like he is doing now, we don’t have to talk about him… What’s up? What’s up? We have a new ice cream parlour in town! It’s horrible! They are offering a scoop for 50 cents and everybody is buying it, but you know what, my boy? It tastes like water! And Luigi’s ice cream parlour – you know that one, don’t you? It’s been in the family for years… And I will put my hand in the fire for them, his ice cream is home made and with the best ingredients and fresh fruit – And Luigi has to lower his prices now, so that not everybody will go to the competitors… It’s terrible! Everybody is looking only at the price and not at the quality… And your cousins Mario and Philippo are coming to visit during the summer – Mario has moved to Verona and Philippo to Milano, but you know that, of course… but that’s why we aren’t seeing each other so often anymore… but I told them: The important things is to come in summer! Every summer! It’s tradition! Traditions have to be honoured! The tradition of your family has been disturbed by your father – but no, I know, we don’t want to talk about him! But nevertheless, it always was so nice to have you here! You can come alone, can’t you, this year, Matteo, my boy? Or with your mama? Or with your girlfriend… Visit your old grandma and let’s repair the tradition!

Matteo: *just swallows, when she talks about his father again, and decides to let it pass without comment* *can’t help but laugh again when she talks about the ice cream parlour* Oh, yes, Luigi’s ice cream is the best I ever had! *exaggerates a little, but thinks it’s cute his grandma is getting so excited about it* *wonders briefly, when he has talked to Mario and Philippo for the last time, and can’t really remember* *suddenly realizes with a burning feeling that he has seen a picture of the two of them in Verona on Instagram – that means, they are following each other on Instagram and he suddenly gets a bit nauseous when he thinks about what pictures they might have seen from him, then* Yeah, I saw that on Instagram, grandma… *then feels the funny feeling in his stomach is only getting worse, when his grandma mentions his potential girlfriend* Grandma, I don’t have a girlfriend… and it would be nice if you wouldn’t wait for that…

Grandma: Yeah, you know what’s good! Luigi’s ice cream is not something you can get on every street corner. One should be able to spend a euro for something like that! Instagram, Instagram… That’s something on your phones, isn’t it? Something like that Facebook. Some modern nonsense… We used to write letters and call each other. Nowadays people write each other these emails and send pictures on Facebook and Instagram, but they don’t really talk with each other anymore. I asked Mario if he could send me a picture of his girlfriend. He asked me if I have this thing on my phone… or if I have an email address. I said no! I mean t a picture! In a letter. And he said he doesn’t have any on paper! Just on his phone and his laptop! Can you imagine? Don’t the young people of today hang up any pictures of their loved ones in their rooms anymore?! Everybody is only ever looking to their phone… I’m not waiting for you to get a girlfriend – I’m just asking. One day you’ll have one. You are such a sweet, good-looking boy. You’ll find one soon. You’re 18. Just wait a while… But you can come without a girlfriend too… this year! And then next year maybe with your girlfriend. I miss you, my boy. It’s been three years since we saw each other… you have to come visit again!

Matteo: *would normally laugh about his grandmother talking so cliché-like about modern nonsense* *but can only think about how he will never have a girlfriend, how disappointed his grandmother will be* *shakes his head silently* I would like to come visit you… *breathes in deeply and looks in the direction of the living room* *thinks about David and how he is lying there waiting for him, about David’s smile and then briefly about how his lips taste, when they kiss* *swallows shortly* But not with a girlfriend… never with a girlfriend, grandma, because I will never have one. *inhales deeply* Because I have a boyfriend. *emphasizes the o in ‘fidanzato’ extra, so she will understand*

Grandma: Oh, I am so happy you want to come! This summer?! Matteo? What do you mean, never with a girlfriend? Of course, you will bring a girlfr… Oh... fidanzato... … fidanzato... Matteo, my boy, never say never. It is probably just a phase. He is a nice boy, I’m sure, but... you’ll find a girlfriend too. When you’re here, I can introduce you to Maria’s granddaughter… A truly beautiful girl, I swear! You’ll like her, I am certain of it…

Matteo: *holds his breath when she repeats the word twice* *then feels how everything inside him pulls together at her answer* *swallows heavily and feels his eyes burn* *says, a bit too softly* No, grandma. *then hears something about a Maria and says more determinedly* No, grandma! *has to swallow twice, before he can speak again* I don’t want any Maria and not any other girl either. And it’s not a phase. *breathes audibly and then says* I think I’d better hang up… My boyfriend is waiting.

Grandma: *doesn’t let Matteo interrupt her at first, but is then silent, when Matteo becomes more determined* *speaks only again when he says he wants to hang up* No, don’t hang up, my boy. Talk to me, please! This is something we can talk about. I mean, what is so great and wonderful about your boyfriend, that a girl couldn’t offer you too?! You’re only 18… You don’t have to decide just yet…

Matteo: *closes his eyes briefly, when his grandma doesn’t understand at all what it is about* *can’t even really be upset with her, since she has probably never before in her life met a gay man* *but has simply no energy right now to explain it to her* *says therefore simply* I’m gay, grandma. That is not a decision, it just is the way it is. *swallows* Stay safe, grandma. *hangs up and drops his head onto his arms*

David: *has watched the documentary with some fragments of Italian in the background and notices now that it’s been quiet for a while behind him* *feels actually also a bit thirsty and decides to go to the fridge and check on the way there whether Matteo is done with his phone call* *enters the kitchen and sees Matteo at the counter, sitting on the bar stool, his head on his arms, the phone in front of him* *doesn’t see Matteo’s face and can’t determine in what mood he is* *goes towards him, caresses his back once and gives a kiss on his hair* And? Everything okay? *goes over to the cabinet and gets two glasses*

Matteo: *startles a little at David’s touch and then looks up* *wants to pull David closer, but he’s already near the cabinet* *shakes he head at David’s question* No… *stretches out his arms towards David and pulls him closer* *puts his arms around David’s hips and leans against him* *inhales and then says* I came out just now. *swallows and sighs* She thinks it’s just a phase and I’ll find a girl one day…

David: *looks immediately worriedly at Matteo when he answers negatively to his question and is at his side in two steps, when Matteo stretches out his arms* *embraces him and pulls him closer* *is just about to ask what is wrong when Matteo tells him already* *murmurs just a surprised „Oh“ when Matteo tells about coming out* *holds Matteo tighter with his next words and sighs lightly* Oh, man, I’m sorry... *hasn’t really talked a lot with Matteo about his grandmother and really only knows that he used to spend the summer with her and loves her incredibly much* *can imagine, based on these facts, how disappointed Matteo must be about his grandmother’s reaction* *wants to comfort him somehow, but doesn’t really know how* *says uncertainly* Maybe... she just needs a little bit of time, to get to terms with it? Or is she so conservative she really can’t handle it? *caresses Matteo’s back and kisses his temple in consolation*

Matteo: *inhales deeply and smells David* *notices how that calms him immediately and relaxes him a bit* *only nods when David says he’s sorry* *shrugs* Yeah… she is an old-fashioned Italian woman after all… Don’t even know if she has, in all her life, ever seen a gay guy… *sighs lightly* I mean, of course, it’s disappointing for her… She probably imagined it all so beautifully, that I would come to Italy with my young, pretty, blonde girlfriend and she could show us off... *swallows and moves a bit, so he can look at David* *shrugs again* But that’s too bad for her, then.

David: *grimaces slightly when Matteo tells his grandmother is old-fashioned* *finds it then really hard to guess if she will at one point accept the fact that her grandson is gay* *presses his lips together when Matteo talks about the ideas his grandmother might have had, and for a moment he finds it hard not to feel it personally, but then he shakes of the silly feeling, because Matteo’s grandmother doesn’t even know him and can’t judge whether she likes him or not, and secondly, because this is about Matteo and not about him* *catches Matteo’s gaze and smiles at his words* *swipes the hair out of his eyes and says* But you are disappointed and that is somehow sad too… maybe you can talk with her again? Maybe she really needs a bit of time and you can clear up the whole issue in your next call… *stays close to Matteo but loosens his grip enough to pour them both some ice tea and offer Matteo a glass* What else did she say? Did you talk the whole time about this one theme or have you also discussed other stuff? *pulls a bar stool closer and sits down, because he has the feeling they will talk about this for a while* *takes a drink and grabs Matteo’s hand*

Matteo: *grimaces when David says he feels sad and shrugs* I can’t just call her and pretend nothing has happened… it’s her decision now, she can either accept it or not… *grabs the glass and drinks quite a bit* *grabs David’s hand almost blindly, when the latter sits down* No, we also talked about mama… and about my father, of course, and my cousins… family stuff, you know… she wants me to come visit her - she probably doesn’t want that anymore now...

David: *shakes his head* You shouldn’t pretend nothing happened… You should talk about it once more… I mean, not immediately, but maybe a couple of days from now… If she’s really that typically Italian, then maybe she’s not just conservative, but also stubborn, right? Or is that too much of a cliché? Because if she’s really stubborn, she probably won’t start about it again… *sighs softly* *thinks it would be painful and sad, if this really would lead to a break between Matteo and his grandma* *listens to the other stuff they talked about and nods slowly* *has a few questions and wonders which ones he should ask* *then finally asks* What’s her opinion on your father? Or about your mom? She’s your grandmother on your father’s side, right?

Matteo: *has to laugh, when David brings forth the Italian clichés, which are not far off* *nods* Yeah, pretty stubborn... *thinks it is somehow typically David, to try to turn everything in a positive way* *nods at his question* Yeah, that’s right… and she likes my mom, the two of them have always gotten along pretty well… and she doesn’t approve about how he has handled things… she says she hasn’t raised him like that… *shrugs again and sighs* It’s her decision… all of it… you know? It’s not something I can change… Its not like I made a mistake and promise to do better… Either she accepts it or not. *thinks it might maybe just be the case that his father’s family might not ever be his family too*

David: *listens to Matteo and strokes a bit absentmindedly with his thumb over the back of Matteo’s hand, before he entwines their fingers* *grins slightly when Matteo tells him how his grandmother thinks about his father* That’s something then… She also could have defended him. So at least on that subject she seems to be rather cool… *nods then to his next words and squeezes his hand* *murmurs* I know... *sighs softly and shakes his head lightly* You know, in my experience, really, people need time. And I can’t estimate how it is for your grandmother, but I can tell you that sometimes it is really worth it to give the people you care about a bit of time… *watches him pointedly – because the two of them are somehow experts in giving each other time when it’s needed – and then continues* You’ve known for a while that you’re gay. But you also needed time to accept it and be completely certain. I think we can’t expect people, and especially the elder generations, to immediately and automatically be cool with everything. If she was really looking forward to you standing at her door with a girlfriend at some point, then you have just disturbed basically her whole idea of the future. Maybe she needs a few days to build a new idea… *sighs again* … or maybe not. I don’t want to give you hope, I just don’t want you to give up immediately. You’ve always given me time… maybe… maybe you can try to do the same for her? *is a little bit shy, because he’s been talking for so long, and he doesn’t actually know whether Matteo even wants him to get involved* *grabs his ice tea, to take a sip*

Matteo: *watches David while he is talking* *smiles just a tiny bit when David references the two of them* *becomes serious again* *knows that David is right* *knows that it is logical what David is saying* *also knows however that this feeling won’t go away* *this feeling that it is not fair that things have to be like this, that he has to give people time to accept something that should be completely irrelevant* *or maybe not irrelevant, but not all-determining either* *wonders why it has to be so important and why his grandmother can’t just love him, regardless of who he is in love with* *knows it is possible, because he has seen it in others* *but also knows that David is right, and that the world simply doesn’t work like that yet* *sighs softly and can’t really capture all of that in words* You are right… she needs time and who knows what will happen… but… but somehow everything feels shitty right now… why does it have to be such a big issue?

David: *puts his ice tea back on the counter and looks at Matteo* *sees how he is thinking things through and waits* *smiles a bit sadly at his words* *shrugs and even laughs a bit* Yeah, you are right! It’s completely shitty… but we can’t change anything about it anyway. We just have to be happy about all of those for whom it’s not a big issue… *leans towards him and gives him a short but passionate kiss* *swipes through his hair and then  looks at him earnestly* Just wait. Maybe she’ll contact you. And if she doesn’t, then you can try again… and then we’ll talk again, okay? *leans back a little and asks* And she invited you to Italy? Would you like to go?

Matteo: *shrugs a bit frustrated* Right... *kisses David back and smiles when he swipes through his hair* *nods* Yes, let’s see… *doesn’t know yet, whether he will call her again, if she doesn’t contact him* *nods and shrugs again* Yeah, at first… maybe, but only if it’s with you… and not, like, not as some sort of statement or something… *shakes his head lightly* Anyway, that’s off the table now, I assume.

David: *nods at Matteo’s words* *is rather happy that Matteo would want to go to Italy with him, but can also understand, he would want to feel welcome* *shrugs when Matteo says it’s off the table now* We’ll see… *doesn’t really know Matteo’s grandmother, but can imagine Matteo means a lot to her, and thinks it speaks for her that she’s not defending her son, but seems to be standing behind Matteo and his mom* *takes another sip and smiles softly* If you like, the two of us could go to Italy just like that too… you could show me everything… I mean, some day, when we have money… *somehow like the idea that he and Matteo will go on a holiday together one day, just the two of them, even though he is looking forward to the vacation with the rest of their friends*

Matteo: *nods lightly and takes another sip* *smiles when David proposes to go to Italy* Yes, I’d love to… when we have some money… just rent a car and drive away… *grins at him and leans towards him to give him a kiss* *has a wholesome feeling in his stomach now and thinks he wouldn’t have found a way out of the miserable feeling so easily without David* *he would have buried himself and surrendered to the emotion, but now he likes that he didn’t even mind being pulled out of it* *says softly* Thanks… for being there.

David: *beams when Matteo agrees to go somewhere together and nods* Okay, we’ll save up for it then! *smiles softly* *leans into Matteo and answers his kiss* *sighs, because he has the feeling Matteo is doing a bit better* *wishes nevertheless that somehow everything will turn out great for him* *raises his eyebrow briefly, when Matteo thanks him, because he actually thinks it’s only natural to be there for him, but smiles and says softly* You’re welcome… *is happy that he finally seems to be able to give something back to Matteo, who is always there for him too* *puts his hand in Matteo’s neck and pulls him close again for a short kiss* *then laughs softly* That’s what couples do, isn’t it? Be there for each other… or so I heard… *grins lightly*

Matteo: *smiles when David just accepts the thank you* *enjoys kissing him again* *laughs then too at his words* Yeah, I heard that too… We’re doing pretty fine, I think… *punches Davis lightly and grins* Do you want to go back to the living room and find out if they have found that stupid key yet?

David: *nods enthusiastically, when Matteo says they’re doing pretty fine and laughs again* Better than fine! We are the best! *punches back and wonders for a moment what key Matteo is talking about* *grins then and shakes his head* I don’t care where the key is. That movie was stupid… let’s see if we can find something better… Netflix, maybe? *gets up and pulls Matteo by the hand off his bar stool to come with him*

(next play)

[misssophiachase]

With or Without You

For Klaroline AU Week - Day 4 - Enemies to Lovers

Rebekah is diagnosed with a virus and sent to the hospital for observation. To help stop the spread, the two people closest to her in the past two weeks need to self-quarantine. The problem is her best friend and her brother can’t stand each other. Forced to live in the same house, will they kill each other or do something entirely different before 14 days is up?

(Please note: I realise this is a difficult time and the subject matter is serious but this drabble is designed to be just a bit of fun during a tough time.) 

“I can’t live with or without you.”

Day 3

“Honestly, Kat, I’m not sure if I can last much longer,” she groaned. “He sings in the shower, badly. he leaves the toilet seat up constantly and don’t get me started on his remote control form. He switches channels that fast I feel like I’m at a rave.”

Caroline lived in Los Angeles with Rebekah Mikaelson, they’d been friends for years. Her brother had shown up recently from London, where he was based, only for Rebekah to develop the virus. She was going to be okay but had been sent to hospital purely for observation purposes meaning they were imprisoned together as a precaution for fourteen whole days. 

To say she wasn’t coping was an understatement. 

“So, you haven’t had sex yet?” She asked matter-of-factly. Even though she was currently staring at Caroline through a computer screen, she still had the annoying ability to cut straight to the awkward part.

“Kat! She hissed, looking down the hall to check he wasn’t listening. “Your inappropriateness knows no bounds even via Skype.”

“The way I see it is the sooner you have sex, the frustration you feel towards each other and the situation will dissipate. And who knows? If the sex is good you’ll not only have something to do to pass the time but you’ll also be getting your required cardio.”

“Seriously,” she growled. “Is sex all you think about?”

“About 90 per cent of the day,” she quipped. “Tell me you have a better idea?”

“Ah, not to sleep with him because he’s an arrogant asshat who thinks the world revolves around him?”

“I don’t think, love, I know,” he called out. Unfortunately, she chose that exact moment to turn around and copped an eyeful.

“Wow, does he work out?” Kat cooed, obviously she’d had the privilege of seeing him too dressed only in a white towel tied low on his hips, his bare chest and six-pack on full display. Caroline felt her mouth go dry and was struggling to form words he looked that delicious. 

“If you use all of the hot water again, Mikaelson, I swear I’ll come in there and..” she paused, realising what she’d alluded to.

“By all means, love,” he murmured, the dimple in his left cheek making an ill-timed appearance. “Maybe that way we can conserve water.”

“You are unbelievable,” she muttered. “Not if we were the last two people on the planet and we had to repopulate the earth.”

“Well, if you change your mind, you know where to find me, Forbes,” he chuckled, shutting the bathroom door behind him.

“You are so screwed figuratively and literally, ” Kat laughed. Caroline didn’t respond knowing her friend was right. 

She should have hated him, in fact she had since they met eleven years earlier. Caroline had befriended Rebekah during sophomore year at high school. They were both cheerleaders and had bonded over music and drama club. 

Rebekah was new to her school, so too her brothers Kol, Elijah and Niklaus. The first two were polar opposites personality-wise but she got along with them famously. The problem was with Niklaus, or Klaus as he liked to be called.

They’d clashed from the outset. It started with a few stray insults and developed into more insults and pranks. Apparently everyone thought it was a passing phase but it wasn’t ending anytime soon. 

However, being locked up with him in quarantine was doing all sorts of strange things to her. In fact, she was experiencing all these not-so innocent urges. She wanted to blame it on Kat’s innuendo or that fact he swanned around the house barely clothed but there was definitely something bigger at play here.

Day 5

“She keeps making me watch all of these bad movies, only cooks meals with weird and unidentified grains and apparently the living room is her personal gymnasium,” he complained. 

Klaus Mikaelson didn’t do roommates and there was a very good reason why. He liked his space and he liked walking around partially naked but suddenly he was thrown into this quarantine situation which was a complete minefield. 

“I said I’d only take this Skype call if you didn’t complain about Caroline Forbes, Niklaus, but yet here we are again,” Enzo growled. “You two need to get a room and pronto.”

“We have rooms, in fact, we have a whole house of rooms and yet that still isn’t enough distance between us,” he muttered. “I am going to go crazy locked up in here with her.”

“And the best dramatic Oscar performance goes to...”

“You would feel exactly the same way, Lorenzo,” he argued. “Caroline Forbes is nothing but a spoilt princess who thinks the world revolves around her.”

“I don’t think, I know, asshat,” she drawled finding her way into his room while repeating his sentiments from two days earlier. No doubt just to push his buttons that much more. 

What Klaus wasn’t expecting was for her to look so wet doing it. Yes, she was wearing yellow, rubber gloves but her white t-shirt was soaked through revealing a very lacy bra and some rather pronounced nipples no doubt due to the temperature. 

“Holy...” Enzo murmured before Klaus shut his laptop with a bang. He figured it was the least he could do to protect her innocence and it had absolutely nothing to do with jealousy whatsoever. Or that’s what he told himself.

“You’re here in my room...wet,” he mumbled, trying to look anywhere but exactly where his eyes wanted to go. 

“I’m trying to clean up after your lazy ass,” she groaned. “You do realise how germs spread right? Maybe if you took better care to clean up after yourself then we wouldn’t be experiencing our current predicament.”

“I’m aware of our current predicament, trust me,” he shot back. “Since when did cleaning end in a drenching. I know you like me, Forbes, but I can see everything.” She looked down in complete shock, his comment having the desired effect.

“Unbelievable,” she muttered, pulling off her wet gloves and throwing them in his direction before leaving his room, no doubt to change her top. 

“I’m the one who’s spreading germs?” He cried out, attempting to remove the dirty gloves from the bed. 

Klaus and Caroline had never gotten along in the eleven years they’d known each other. Klaus decided from the outset that Rebekah truly was evil bringing her into his life and home. Caroline had this annoying ability to get under his skin and Klaus unfortunately let her.

His friends and brothers told him it was because he liked her deep down. Sure she was hot. there was no denying that, but he’d prided himself on maintaining his distance. Well, that was until he was forced to live in such close quarters for two whole weeks. 

His willpower was waning and Klaus wasn’t sure he could go the distance.

Day 7

“Would you stop switching channels so fast, it makes it a little difficult to see what’s actually on,” she offered, rolling her eyes as she said it. 

They were seated on the couch, the long, uneventful days were taking their toll and the fact they still had another week to go wasn’t doing much for their morale. 

“There’s nothing on so it doesn’t really matter,” he replied in frustration. “I’m so bored! And if you dare suggest cleaning again I will confiscate your rubber gloves.”

“Well, what else is there to do?” She mumbled. “And please spare me from running around the place half naked again, I’d like to keep down my dinner.”

“Come on, you secretly love my naked form,” he smirked. Her tell-tale blush was giving her away instantly. “You know I’m not that bad once you get to know me.”

“Funny, the past week hasn’t unearthed any new or redeemable features that I can tell,” she answered. 

“Just so you know those little insults of yours don’t offend me in the slightest bit so please just give it a break, Forbes.”

“Well, what do you suggest we do to pass the time?” She asked, obviously not realizing just how loaded her question was. 

They were seated on the couch, only a few feet apart, if either of them were to just lean forward they could do something really stupid. Or really fun, depending on who you asked. 

“Fine,” she said, reading his mind. “But if we do this, don’t think this means I like you in any way, Mikaelson,” she clarified.

“The feeling is mutual, trust me, sweetheart,” he agreed. They paused momentarily almost as if they were thinking about the very prominent line they were about to cross and weighing up the pros and cons. 

It didn’t take much consideration as he pulled her greedily towards him so she was straddling his lap. Caroline never knew just how crimson his lips were from this vantage point, Klaus was thinking the same about her blue eyes.

He ran his hands along her cheek, his thumbs rubbing circles over her skin. Her heart was racing and given she was practically touching his chest she knew his was too.

There was no going back.

His lips found hers, slowly at first almost like he was taking his time to discover every inch of her mouth. She moaned against him as his tongue dipped into her warmth. She tasted like a heady mixture of mint and chocolate from dessert and now Klaus had tasted her once he wasn’t ready to give her up anytime soon.  

Caroline grasped his neck, her fingers playing with the stray curls at the nape as she melted into his kisses. Klaus knew it wouldn’t be long given just how much he’d wanted her all these years.

He stood up, and wound her toned legs around his waist, careful not to break contact. They made their way quickly to the bedroom excited for what was in store. 

Turns out the sex continued longer than seven days and also out of quarantine. In fact, the sex turned into dating and the dating turned into an engagement. At their wedding, Kat, Rebekah and Enzo regaled the guests with stories about how they got together when they were forced together in lockdown. 

Who said quarantine was necessarily a bad thing?

[reddieorrnot]

I would love to see 22 and 29 for reddie I think that'd be hilarious if your could

shorter than the others but hopefully still as good! hope you like it :)

Eddie was ready to go bat shit crazy. 

It was a Friday afternoon, and he was sitting in a hot, humid, Eleventh-grade History classroom. The whole day had gone by far too slow with not enough excitement. Of course, it’s school. It’s not supposed to be fun or enticing on a basis further than educational, but still. Eddie had been ready to fall asleep all day, and all he wanted was for the day to end, and for all his friends to had over to the quarry. Then they planned on going over to Mike’s and just hanging out. Eddie had stuck out the day until now, and he planned on staying awake until the bell rang. Even though the next period of History was going to make him want to shoot his brains out. 

Don’t get him wrong, Eddie loved this class and every topic that came with it. It was just so horrifically boring today. The lecture was dragging on forever, and at this point, Eddie didn’t really care who saw how he was nearly drifting off. Unsurprisingly, one person had indeed taken notice. That’s what Eddie realized as a note landed onto his desk. It was small, folded in half. Eddie turned to look in the first place he thought of, Richie Tozier. 

And there the boy was, a foolish grin plastered on his face staring right back at Eddie. They didn’t sit too far apart, Eddie was a seat in front and over from his boyfriend. Note passing was a daily thing between them usually when Richie got so restless that he needed to talk to someone or he’d just blurt out everything that came to mind. After getting in trouble countless amounts of times, Eddie had finally told Richie to just pass him a note whenever he felt like talking. 

Remembering this, Eddie turned back around and quietly unfolded the small piece of paper. 

‘Am I the only one melting in this joint? Feels like it’s a hundred degrees!’ 

Eddie wanted to giggle, but the classroom was too quiet for that. So instead, the note produced a smile while he flipped the piece of paper over and started to write a reply. 

‘It isn’t just you, I feel like I’m dying over here’ 

He folded the note over the other way, and checked to see if Mr. Samson was looking. After finding a moment where their teacher was turned away, Eddie leaned back and placed his note on Richie’s desk. The other boy wasted no time grabbing the note and ripping out another piece of paper from his notebook to write on. 

Just like that, Eddie felt more awake. Richie tend to have that effect on him, after all. 

Soon, Richie’s new note landed on Eddie’s desk. It was larger than the last one, perhaps intended for more uses. 

‘Same Eds, not only from heat but boredom

The nickname made Eddie’s heart flutter, glad Richie couldn’t see the blush that appeared. He pressed his blue pen into the paper, writing out his reply.

‘Then do something Rich’ 

When Eddie got the note back with Richie’s response, he immediately regretted telling Richie to do something about being bored. He opened up the note, and read what Richie had written. 

‘How much money would you give me to flip this table, right here, right now, in the middle of class?’ 

Eddie gasped at the note, turning around instantly. Richie was leaning back in his chair, curls nearly touching the desk of the student behind him. He had a huge playful smirk, visibly being serious about his idea. 

Eddie scolded his boyfriend, mouthing a very clear, “No.” 

Richie pouted, ripping out another piece of paper. He scribbled something on it, then folded it up. Eddie felt a small sting of jealousy when Richie didn’t pass it to him, but instead to his left. Eddie watched as the note got passed to Beverly Marsh, who was a few aisles down from Eddie’s spot. Eddie saw Beverly open the note, grin, and turn around to Richie. 

She threw up both her hands, showing ten fingers, then mouthing, “Ten dollars.” 

Eddie stared in horror as the amount was said, Richie’s face lighting up. He probably would’ve done it for five cents, knowing him. Not missing a beat, Eddie spun around and abandoned his previous silence.

“Are you insane?” Eddie whispered, as low as he possibly could. The teacher wasn’t a hardass, but wouldn’t be happy with side conversations. 

“No, baby, but I am bored.” Richie shrugged, starting to sit up.

“We all are, Rich!” Eddie hissed, “You don’t see me flippin’ desks, do you?” 

“Because you’re a behaved little cutie, duh.” 

Eddie rolled his eyes, understanding that there wasn’t any way he was convincing Richie otherwise. Especially with money on the line, Richie didn’t have to think twice about getting the reward for his stupid actions. Eddie, of course, wouldn’t blame Richie. He nearly never did, he was too in love. 

Eddie looked over at Beverly, who had been watching the whole thing, and mouthed to her: “This is your fault.”

She just chuckled. 

Eddie huffed, accepting what was going to happen. He just looked at Richie, awaiting the scene to unfold. 

Richie waited until the teacher was writing on the board, to quietly stand up out of his seat. He stood there for a second, possibly thinking about what he was about to do. Then looked over at Beverly, who was watching intently. When he had gotten up, Richie had caught the eye of nearly everyone else in the room as well. He grinned at the given audience, then bent down. Richie placed both his hands on the right legs of his table. It was one of those tables that were attached to the chair, the ones that high schools always had. So of course, Richie would be flipping the whole thing. 

He grasped the metal in his clutch, then flipped the whole thing. 

Had the class not erupted in laughter, and the table not made a clanging sound as it fell to the ground, Mr. Samson possibly wouldn’t have noticed what Richie did. Too bad that wasn’t the case though. 

Mr. Samson had whipped around, seeing Richie standing next to an upside-down desk, and students laughing all around him. It was how innocent Richie looked that made Eddie join in on the laughter. 

“Richard Tozier, what the hell were you thinking?” 

Richie gave the teacher an honest shrug, “To be fair, I wasn’t thinking. Just wanted some cash.”

“Well, I hope whatever cash that is was worth detention! Report to the principal's office now, and fix your desk!” 

“Aye, aye, captain!” Of course, Richie had to salute the teacher before flipping the desk back into place. Eddie couldn’t believe Richie, but hey, he knew he was full of surprises. Richie then picked up his backpack, started to walk down the aisle, and stopped at Eddie. He leaned down and gave Eddie a quick peck on the cheek, leaving the smaller boy flustered. “See you at Mike’s, babe.” He whispered before continuing to the front of the class and then out the door. 

Mr. Samson let out a deep sigh, and then looked at Eddie. “Learn to control him, Kaspbrak.” 

If Eddie hadn’t been embarrassed before, he definitely was now. Sinking into his seat, he didn’t miss the smirk Beverly shot him.

***

“Wait, so what happened with Richie again?” Ben asked as the group of friends walked over to Mike’s. They had spent a little bit of time at the quarry but were all more excited to head over to the Hanlon home. Eddie, who had been worrying that Richie would get there before them, was glad to finally be leaving the swimming session. When the others had asked why Richie wasn’t with them, Eddie simply stated he had gotten detention. Beverly looked like she wanted to tell the story, but they both knew that Richie was going to arrive wanting to tell everyone himself, so there was no need to. 

“He’s gonna let you all know detail by detail when he shows up, don’t worry,” Beverly answered, throwing her head back in laughter. Eddie didn’t miss the way Ben’s eyes shined as he watched the redhead grin. He wished his boyfriend were here for him to look at like that, but no, he had to flip a fucking table during their History class. Eddie grumbled to himself the whole walk to Mike’s house, the other losers talking amongst themselves, not wanting to bother Eddie. 

When they finally arrived, Beverly offered everyone a cigarette, even though she knew they’d decline. 

“Oh Bev, I’d kill for a smoke, and also, my ten bucks!”

Richie stood in the front doorway, looking like an utter fool with his glasses crooked and stupid smile. Even though Eddie had been convinced he was annoyed at Richie, he wanted to melt into his arms right there and then. Beverly rolled her eyes and fished in her bag, pulling out a ten-dollar bill. She walked over to Richie and placed it in his hand, along with a cigarette. Before going to smoke, Richie told all the losers his story, making everything more dramatic than it actually had been. Eddie didn’t mind though, he liked the way Richie’s face lit up when he went into storytelling mode, the way he used wild hand gestures and tone of voice changed. 

“You’re a whole different breed of dumbass, Richie,” Stan spoke when the story was over. 

Mike simply chuckled and shook his head. “I can’t believe you just flipped a desk… right in the middle of class!”

“I’ll do anything for that sweet cash, Mikey,” Richie nudged Mike with his elbow, making Bill and Ben laugh.

“Alright guys, let’s see what’s on TV,” Beverley suggested, forgetting about her earlier desire to smoke and picking up the remote. Everyone piled into the living room as the girl flipped through the channels. Richie got up at some point, heading to the kitchen to get a cup of water, he told them. Eddie waited a couple of seconds, then got up to follow him.

Eddie loved Mike’s home. It felt so warm and kind, like he was always welcome. He liked Richie’s house the best, but Mike’s was always a close second. He turned the corner into the kitchen, seeing Richie struggle to grab two juices from the fridge while holding a plastic cup. Eddie smiled at the sight, moving quickly over to help out his clumsy boyfriend. He took one of the drinks from Richie’s grasp and closed the fridge. Eddie then placed it on the counter and leaned back against the wall. 

“Are you planning on mixing those two?” 

“Eds, you know me so well,” Richie planted a kiss on Eddie’s forehead, then returned to his drink. Eddie smiled, then remembered what he had come into the kitchen to do. 

“You know, that thing you did today was really dumb…” He frowned, and Richie noticed this. 

“You’re not mad at me, are you?” 

“No, no. I’m just a little sad that, uh…” 

Richie tilted his head to the side, looking like a confused puppy. Eddie felt his heart burst at the image, wanting nothing more than to be cuddling Richie. 

“Why are you sad?” Richie set down the carton of juice and moved over closer to Eddie, taking his hand and holding it. Eddie’s heart quickened at the contact. He was convinced that no matter how long he dated Richie, he would always find a way to make Eddie feel like a hopelessly in love teenager. 

“I’m a little sad you were in detention, and not at the quarry with me.”

Where his pout once was, Richie now had a smile. He gave Eddie’s hand a light squeeze, “Did someone miss me?”  

Without hesitation, Eddie answered, “You know I always do.”

Hearing that made Richie close the distance between the two with a kiss. A familiar sense of security flowed throughout both of the boys, as Eddie let go of Richie’s hand and moved both of them to his cheeks. 

Once their lips parted, Richie kept his face close, just looking into Eddie’s eyes. 

“I love you,” Eddie whispered, his mouth so close to Richie’s that it was like the words were only theirs to hear, and no one else in the world. “Even if you do flip desks during class and get detention.”

“I love you too,” Richie breathlessly whispered back with a chuckle, then leaning in for another kiss. 

[sophieakatz]

Thursday Thoughts: We Made It All Up

This morning, I went grocery shopping. I was all out of bread; even when I’m not packing lunches, sandwiches are my go-to midday meal.

Aldi had pretty much everything you could want today, as long as you were looking for food and not toilet paper. It also had signs taped on the walls and on the floor near the registers, advising people to stand six feet apart. These blue signs had little figures on them, like you’d see on a restroom sign, with a helpful “6ft” arrow between them.

But what did six feet mean, really?

I am five foot eight, give or take a fraction of an inch. It’s not quite six feet, but it’s close, and I soon caught myself thinking about the space around me in terms of whether I could lie down on the ground between me and the man who’d parked his cart in front of the deli meat. A Sophie is now a unit of measurement for social distancing. Though a more useful unit would be an Elie – my brother, who is actually over six feet tall.

When I was little, I read a picture book which explained that we call this unit of measurement a “foot” because in the old days, whoever was king at the time would decree that his foot length was the kingdom’s official unit of length measurement. So, whenever there was a new king, the “foot” was redefined. Everyone just had to be flexible and go along with it.

What I found interesting about this story as a child was the revelation that there was nothing inherent about the “foot” unit itself. We might as well have drawn a line on the ground and said “stop” at an arbitrary point – and we probably did, in the end, now that we aren’t measuring our leaders’ feet as a construction standard. We could have decided to divide the foot into any number of inches, as well. But we chose twelve, and we all agreed, and continue to agree, to use it, though other countries support the equally arbitrary meter.

I think we forget sometimes that we invented the foot, and the inch, and pretty much everything else we use to understand the world and interact in it.

In college I learned that it costs two cents to create a penny, which is worth one cent of purchasing power. I realized then that, like the foot and the inch, there is nothing inherent about money at all. We made it up.

We’ve all agreed that this little silver coin means this amount of money, and this other little silver coin means a different amount of money. And we’ve all agreed that this specific product is worth this amount of money, and we agree that that “worth” can change from time to time.

And now – because of convenience, because of how much we buy, because physical coins transmit disease – we are more likely to use a number on a computer as money, instead of anything actually physical. Money exists more as an idea, a concept, than as a thing. Money is a form of playing make-believe which is socially sanctioned – required, even – for adults to participate in. When I hear people on the news talking about the economy, how we need to make sacrifices for the economy, how if we don’t get people working and buying and spending again like we always have (even though we currently are unable to) then the economy will collapse, it confuses me.

Has everyone forgotten that we made up the economy? Why are we talking about it like an inherent, immutable, unchangeable force of nature?

A few months back, I overheard one of my coworkers at the Disney parks having a bit of an existential crisis. She had seen a small child running up to his mother after the boat ride, shouting, “That was beautiful!” And it had occurred to her that the child didn’t really know what “beautiful” was. He was just saying what he had overheard the adults around him say. He was just making noises.

Where, she wondered, did meaning come from? Did words truly mean anything? Did anything truly mean anything or was it all made up?

She’s right – words are just noises. We have all agreed that this sound means this thing. And in different parts of the world, people looked at the same things and came up with different sounds to agree upon. There is nothing inherent about language, and it occurred to me for the hundredth time, that this is all made up.

But it still matters.

When we talk about things that were “made up,” there’s a connotation that the thing doesn’t matter. Things that are real, true, concrete, inherent matter. You can draw people into theatres by calling a film “based on a true story,” even if the only part of it that’s remotely “true” is the main character’s name. (As if all stories, all fiction, is not somehow based on reality.)

There’s a dog which uses a soundboard to communicate with her owner. You can find videos on Instagram on the account hunger4words. This dog has been taught since puppyhood that this sound, on this button, means this thing.

One of the buttons on the dog’s board is for “beach.” It’s clearly one of her favorite buttons to press – what dog doesn’t like the beach? One day, the button broke, and the owners took it off the board. Later they posted a video of the dog sniffing at the spot where the “beach” button used to be. Then the dog moved across the board, pressing the buttons for “water” and “outside.”

Sometimes people comment on these videos referring to this as miraculous, ascribing a level of human cognition to the dog. Others call bullshit and say that the dog has no idea what words are, and this is just mimicry or coincidence.

I don’t claim to know how self-aware this animal is, whether or not she understands the concept of a word. But she is obviously communicating. Where other dogs would bark to get what they want, this dog has been taught that she gets what she wants when she presses a specific button, making a specific sound.

This dog and her owner have agreed that this sound – “beach” – means this thing – “let’s go outside to that place with the water.” Another dog and her owner might agree that this specific bark means “let’s go outside.” It’s the same thing. It’s all made up, and it matters.

There’s nothing inherent about words or language. What is inherent is the basic drive to communicate, to create symbolic meaning so that we can understand each other and work together as a society. The fact that we make all this up matters! The fact that we put these symbols and systems to use matters!

And maybe if we recognize that we did make all this up – money and words and the way we measure the world – then maybe we can free ourselves up to re-make it up, to change things in ways that help more people improve their lives, rather than feeling enslaved to the way things have “always” been.

[melo-yello]

Baking with the Wakandan Royals would include:

A/n: I've been watching a ton of baking shows lately so I've been mad inspired to write some domestic headcanons.

*I added Shuri

T'Challa

If you mention to this man you're thinking about baking he's already checking for necessary ingredients quantities and locating the measuring cups

T'Challa's need for order and a systematic approach to life can either be really helpful when you're baking or really annoying

This man takes pride in prepping the pan

I mean oiled, floured, and lined with parchment

T'Challa didn't come to play. He got a cake stuck one time and he's never been the same

I'm tellin you he's a complete ace when it comes to measurements

This man will measure, level, sift, and whisk together the dry ingredients in less than 90 seconds

"Here you go, Love." handing you the bowl and kissing your temple

He even will have the separate little glass bowls in various sizes like he stepped out of his very own cooking show

T'Challa is definitely the clean as you go type

Boi is washing dishes almost as fast you can make them

I've got that, Sweetheart." snatching up dirty bowls and taking them to the sink like clockwork

You already kno he's a stick to the recipe type of guy

You kno better than to tell him "We can just eyeball it" or end any measurement/cook time with "or so"

He will absolutely lecture you on the acute chemistry of baking

After so many times of 'sneaking' in extra pinches of 'this' and 'that' and him catching you'll be forced to put him out to stop his constant meddling

"Challa, I swear to Bast if you say one more thing about the 'balance of baking' and don't get yo ass outta this damn kitchen, Shuri will be an only child!"

He occasionally peeks back in offering his two cents before you glare at him and he slinks back to whatever he's preoccupying himself with

Once everything out of the oven and cooled you can't help but smile and bring T'Challa a goodie for all his efforts and help even if he's kinda a pain

Erik

He will 100% be minding his own business until he peeps you in the kitchen baking something

He immediately steps in to take over whether he knows what you're making or not

Deadass has slid across a counter, swiped the bowl, stuck the landing and been like "Ok Ma, what am I makin?"

Boi will even take your apron and do it smooth as hell too

The first time you thought he was trying to be freaky by grabbing ya ass and kissin all down ya neck in the kitchen but before you knew it the apron was untied and around his neck and he was stirring the bowl that was just in front of you

Growing up basically raising himself and being bounced around from relative to relative made learning to cook essential and he's a pretty damn good at it

And he knows it

Erik deadass cooks like somebody's Auntie

"Baby, lemme go ahead and do that." Is something you'll hear every step of the way

He'll just stare at the recipe for .5 seconds then be like "Do that shit, That shit right there and it'll be bland as hell!"

Erik starts off measuring but gradually shifts into eyeballing everything

He's prone to add pinches of different spices that are no where to be found in the recipe

Erik refuses to cook in silence and will always throw on one of his playlists

Y'all bop all the way from TLC to Daniel Caesar to Anderson. Paak

When all the baking is done Erik loves to humble brag about his baked treats

"Yea me and Bae, kilt that shit." Or "Oh you know, Babygirl can throw down"

That is until his cousin says something

T'Challa: "These are great."

Erik: "Damn Straight it is, T'Chump! Didn't kno my baby could FUCK it all da way up! Who you think taught her that! Who!"

M'Baku

*nervous laughter*

M'Baku has an enormous sweet tooth but can't bake to save his life

Not that hasn't tried but most of those trails ended in flames

Since then the great gorrilla has been banned from most of the palace kitchens

Naturally when you ask "Baku, help me bake some cookies."

He's a little hesitant

M'Baku tries to explain to you that his strong suit is really savory and much rather do anything

He really hates that he's not naturally good at it like most things he does (fighting, leading, flirting, etc.)

This gets him out of helping the first few times before you drag him in kitchen promising "Trust me, I can teach you. It can't be that bad."

With M'Baku's help be prepared to remake batters at least twice

He's either heavy handed or extremely light handed there's absolutely no inbetween with him

He's gonna apologize each time he messes up no matter how many times you tell him it's fine

You put him on mixing duty but he gets bored so he starts distracting you

"Oh that look absolutely scrumptious, My Love." grabbing your ass as measure out brown sugar

"That tastes amazing, My Queen." giving you bedroom eyes as he sucks your finger clean of the batter you were about to taste

"You smell like heaven, Dear Heart." nipping at your neck as you place a pan in the oven

This is also the kinda man that eats as you bake

As soon as they hit the cooling racks he's bodying half of them

Putting up high doesn't work either when your mans is 6'5" and can reach all your hiding places

Only on rare occasions do you actually have sweets to show for you efforts if you only make one batch

3 seems to be the sweet spot since M'Baku eats half of 2

He actually does pay attention when you show him how to do things correctly and each time he makes fewer mistakes and he's so proud of himself

Shuri

Shuri is allergic to anything remotely domestic. Not that its difficult she just isn't interested

Mysteriously she always has all the software updates to do when you ask "Wouldn't it be fun to help me bake something?"

"Yes, My King?!?!" Shuri yells running down the hall after a very confused T'Challa that tells back "Stop calling me that!" as the two run in the opposite direction as you

She's definitely not above making up tech tasks to get out of being forced into baking

"Oh I'd love to but I need to check... Erik's torso to make sure he's healing ok. Too bad he's shy so you can't come." She shrugs pulling Erik into lab before he can get in a word

Or "Oh yes Sergent Barnes, I do have time to look at the mechanics of each synapses of every nerve ending in your arm. This could take a while." practically tackling Bucky as he enters the lab

The only way to get her there is by treachery

"Shuri, come quick! The stan mixer is smoking you have to fix it. Or I'll never bake again." is enough to get her to bolt out of the door and into the kitchen

There's no way she can let your Double Fudge Sea Salt Pecan brownies vanish from her life

"This mixer is absolutely fine, Y/n. Don't scare me like that ev..." trailing off as she turns to see you locking the door to the kitchen

"Noooooooooooooooooooo!"

Once she finds that all exits are blocked off

Vents, windows, and personal secret passages she has installed for times like these

She starts offering 'helpful' advice to really 'expand' your baking horizions

"I'm telling you, Y/n, 1 and 1/4 teaspoons of white vinegar would really help these sweets raise to the ocassion." as she presses record and steps back

You soon learn after several batter explosions and looped videos and gifs sent across the Insta, Twitter, and Snap she can't be trusted

"Oh come on,now! How was I supposed to know it was going to do that?" Laughing as you glare at her wiping yet another batter blow up off your face

Before you accept her advice now it is questioned with "And if I add that it won't end up in my face?"

Shuri will pause then offer something else because she's no evil just mischievous

She pretends to be bored out of her mind the whole time even though she's mentally pocketing all the little steps so she can later try by herself

Every once in a while she'll hit you with an absolutely old school but completely clutch trick you've never heard of before (most likely something she picked up from cooking with Queen Mother) and you pause to look at her

Like "Where the hell did that come from?"

She just shrugs and offers some off the wall flavor combo to throw you off her trail

"Chocolate and peanut butter? Boring. How about anasis and chardonnay." genuinely curious about the combination

Shuri loves to experiment and play with structures and variables esspecially in the kitchen

So tell her your trying to make a souffle or flan and she's there automatically no plots involved or locked doors

Afters all the sweets and practical jokes are out of the oven and cooling and the doors are unlocked

Shuri takes a treat or two and hums looking satisfied with your team work "This was actually fun." mouth half full and gives you a quick hug before leaving

Ever so often she'll come of her own prompting to you wanting to be shown how to make a cookie or some other baked good

And you do but as soon as they're done

She steals like 75% of the goodies as you check some of the few left in the oven and splits them with M'Baku who was already waiting at the door and they run down the hall like small children

Always leaving a note "XOXO, Princess Shuri" and scribbled in the biggest calligraphy that is usually saved for royal documents "Thx from Great Gorrilla,M'Baku" at the scene of the crime

[mikeoliveri]

Your “Good Ol’ Days”are Bullshit

I keep seeing these “good ol’ days” posts on Facebook, and it’s driving me nuts. So let’s break this shit down:

I am from Central Illinois ,when I was 10 yrs old the area code was (309) for every phone number. 

What’s the point of these “only one area code” comments? That the poster is too fucking stupid to remember their friends’ phone numbers, or that they have no friends outside of their shitty little town? 

We wore clothes our parents bought us .You thought your parents were rich if you went to JC Penney's.Shopping at K-Mart for a blue light special while eating the popcorn and drinking a Cherry Icee, and maybe stopping in the KMart cafeteria for a meal and an apple dumpling.

First, apparently back in your day, they didn’t teach you how the space bar worked. Second, I have no idea if this is supposed to be a shot at rich kids or if it’s bemoaning bankrupt stores. 

Eating ice cream was the treat on a hot day.

Do you really think it’s not anymore? Or are we taking a shot at millennials and iced coffee? 

Riding anywhere in the car with no seat belts on, riding in the back of a pick up truck and drive in movies, the popcorn in a brown paper bag with so much butter on it you could see it seeping through. 

Yes, because it’s stupid to give a shit about safety and your health. Ever consider there’s a reason highway fatalities have dropped significantly since then? And you can still get popcorn with that much butter, dumbfuck, but why not just save yourself some time and have them fill a soda cup? Pop a straw in it and drink up without the mess. 

25 cents got you 25 pieces of penny candy

Where to start. Maybe we developed a taste for something besides a congealed lump of sugar? Also, a part-time job got you a car and a college education. How deep into this “siddown, boomer” rabbit hole do we want to go?

You took your school clothes off as soon as you got home and put on your play clothes. 

Let’s not pretend everyone can afford two sets of clothes per day, mkay? And if my generation is the product of your generation, I never had separate school clothes and play clothes, either. How is that our fault? 

We had to do our homework before being allowed outside to play.

You don’t get to make this complaint and complain that kids never go outside anymore (below). Furthermore, I’ve been working in education for 20 years now. The percentage of students not getting their homework done (and the percentage of parents who just don’t give a shit about their kids’ homework) has been a constant. 

We ate dinner at the table as a family.

I can point to a lot of families who would love this opportunity, but when both parents have to work, kids are being thrust into six different activities, and student athletes are desperate for scholarships to be able to afford school, it gets a little difficult. 

And even then we’re only talking the families who can afford it. 

We walked to school. There was no taking or picking you up in the car  lol!

Yeah? Which generation started the helicopter parenting? Here’s a mirror to help you figure it out. 

TVs didn’t have remotes, we had to actually get up to change the channel.

I guess this is a positive because it helped you walk off the calories from the popcorn butter and penny candy?

We played Mother May I, Hopscotch, Cowboys and Indians, Cops and Robbers, 1,2,3 Not It, Red Light Green Light, Red Rover, Hide & Seek, Truth or Dare, Tag, Baseball, 4 square, Kick Ball, Dodge Ball, rode bikes, played flashlight tag, spent the night outside in sleeping bags on the front lawn!

No, you’re right, kids have never heard of these games. They go out to recess and just stare at each other. At the park, they sit and watch grass grow.

Girls could spend hours roller skating in the driveway, playing Barbies or house.

*sigh* Let’s just agree you’re a sexist fuckwit and move on.

Boys and girls played football in the yard , or shot baskets. Staying in the house was a punishment, the only thing we knew about "bored", "You better find something to do before I find it for you!" 

Have you not driven through a neighborhood in the last fifty years? Or do you just not see them because you’ve called the cops on them for playing basketball too loudly, too late at night, or both? (Has happened twice in my town within the last year.)

We ate what mom/dad made for dinner or we ate nothing at all. 

I’m going to say this is one more example of a boomer seeing one parent allegedly spoiling a kid and assuming all modern parents spoil their kids. Do all boomers think this way? No, but it’s definitely a trend I see in my parents’ generation and many of the grandparents who visit the school. They see some crazy-ass story about something stupid one parent or school administrator has done, and they assume it’s a universal truth about all parents and schools. 

It’s also possible you were just a shitty cook. 

There was no bottled water; we drank from the tap or the water hose (hot).

Now we know there’s lead in our pipes, and we’ve actually read the list of contaminants in the local drinking water. There are also people who can set their hose water on fucking fire thanks to fracking. Shut. The. FUCK. Up.

We watched cartoons on Saturday mornings,

My kids can watch their TV shows whenever they want, and I wish I had the same capability when I was a kid rather than having to schedule my free time around advertisers’ wishes. 

Also, their TV shows are more than just thinly-veiled advertisements for toys. Their shows have both better writing and better production values, and my kids can pick and choose the shows they like rather than just what happens to be on. 

 and rode our bikes for hours without a cell phone.We weren't AFRAID OF ANYTHING. 

But you sure as shit made us afraid of everything because, again, you assumed the scary story the TV man told you about a kidnapper in California meant any one of your neighbors could snatch us off the street at any moment. You had zero knowledge of statistics and demographics, much less about the relationship between the two. In my town, it’s your generation who is afraid to go into the two nearest cities because you saw a black man’s mug shot on TV.

If someone had a fight, that's what it was and we were friends again a week later, if not SOONER. 

It’s also your generation that screamed bloody murder when your kid got in a fight at school, and you demanded the other kid be suspended because your kid is harmless and was minding his own business.

We played til dark, sunset was our curfew.

Now it’s our kids’ curfew, too. Not because it’s dark, but because you call the fucking cops when you hear kids playing outside past your bedtime. 

School was mandatory

HAA! Yes, because truancy laws are totally not a thing anymore. 

and teachers and police were people who you could TRUST and respect. 

Despite what Fox News would have you believe, they still are. There absolutely are neighborhoods, schools, and police departments where you can’t trust the teachers or the cops. We have plenty of examples of police murdering, abusing, or raping citizens. We have plenty of examples of teachers abusing children, physically and sexually. In many cases, we have this shit on camera. 

The difference between our generation and yours is we understand what we see on TV or on Facebook is not a universal truth. We want criminal cops held accountable, but we support law enforcement as a whole. We’re totally okay with abusive (or incompetent) teachers being removed from the job, but we also understand tenure is an important incentive for schools to retain teachers long term (especially given the current situation for teachers in the great state of Illinois). 

We watched our MOUTHS around our elders because ALL of our Aunties, Uncles, Grandpas and Grandmas were also our PARENTS (they COULD & WOULD WHOOP Y'ALL!,) and you didn't want them telling your PARENTS if you misbehaved.These were the good ole days. 

And there were no long-term consequence for any of this physical abuse ever.

Kids today will never know how it feels to be a real kid. I loved my childhood...!!!Kids these days will never understand how we grew up!!!

There are a lot of differences between my kids’ childhood and my own, and you know what? I’m okay with it. I’m actually interested in their points of view. They have a much broader view of the world than I was ever given, and as a whole, this generation is far more tolerant, open, and empathetic than my generation was--or was allowed to be--at their age. 

Take your “good old days” bullshit and shove it up your ass. Maybe if you made an effort to connect with your grandkids rather than shouting at them, you’d actually learn something. 

[mrcoltkaneko]

the things which are not seen are eternal (RoD)

a/n: This is an idea that’s been floating around in my head for a while, and I had a bit written down, before I did major overhaul and just rewrote this one on the fly (oops). Fair warning, this is angsty as hell, and IDK, I am just a ball of angst right now even reading this myself (lmao). Constrcutive criticism is always welcome, and I’d love to hear y’all’s thoughts!

pairings: Colt x MC angst

summary: So when he says we’ll stay here forever she believes him, wholly; entangled in his holey sheets and fingertips, they are Eighteen and Twenty for eternity. 

rating: R, brief mentions of sex

content warning: mentions of parent death, sex, drinking

length: 1438 words

tags: (first off, I’d really like to thank y’all for wanting to be tagged in my works. ;_; like seriously, I’ve never pinned myself as a “good” writer, so again, eternally grateful for all of you!) @lovehugsandcandy @brightpinkpeppercorn @omgjasminesimone @liamzigmichael4ever @desiree-0816

Seven months

He is a remote memory, a far-off fling at this point that she almost decides against calling his name. He’s been demoted to an icebreaker trivia tidbit nowadays; one of her trusty truths in a game of Two Truths and a Lie, an interesting fact that almost always gets the conversation rolling. She’s told the story of him long enough that it was just that; a story, weaved in with nostalgia and an artificial wistfulness for that past. But something overtakes her – perhaps it’s the nostalgia (or maybe the whiskey) – and so she calls his name.

She is drunk, and she suspects he is too. When she falls into his arms, it’s like jumping into cold water– the shock lasts for a nanosecond, before her body acclimates to the liquid. And when she comes up to take a breath, it’s far too cold. His lips, his hands, his skin are the only solution to her shivers, toxic in the best possible way.

Take me home?

His apartment is small, and his bed is even smaller, but they end up on top anyways, pillows and comforter on the floor. With hands running down her waist, mouth on her neck, fingers between her thighs, he knows how to turn her into his time machine. And right as he finds her spot (his spot), they’re back six years, Eighteen and Twenty, wild without abandon, rebellious to a fault, addicted to each other’s touch.

So when he says we’ll stay here forever she believes him, wholly; entangled in his holey sheets and fingertips, they are Eighteen and Twenty for eternity.

Six weeks

They are both liars though. He lies about eternity, and she lies about the ring. She is six weeks away when she reveals her deceit to him, in her bed, with her Egyptian cotton sheets and silk pillowcases. They are both stubborn fighters, and he sneers when he sees the expensive metal band and shiny lump of rock, offended and perturbed. He wants to leave, take away their eternity, forget about being Eighteen and Twenty. You hate silver, and all the while she still thinks he’s told her the worse lie, but he says that forever can’t exist with us if you’re getting ma –

She screams before he can say the word, because if he doesn’t say it, it isn’t real, and they can last, right in the crevices, snuck in between the letters of the word. Cardinal sin be damned. She screams and he leaves her bed, her room, her home, but her bed was never the time machine. He’d slept fretfully on her extravagant bed. He’d leave her imported coffee untouched. Her designer night creams and makeup always received a scoff.

The second time she screams that day is when the call comes from the station. Her father is dead, just six weeks away from her big day, and she can’t remember calling him but she must have, because his leather-clad arms surround her soon enough, and he chants:

You’re going to be okay, you’re going to be okay, you’re going to be okay

It’s hours before she utters anything other than sobs, and when she does, she asks, does it ever stop hurting?

The pause is deafening, and it speaks louder than anything he could’ve said. When he talks again, it is a whisper:

You’re going to be okay, you’re going to be okay, you’re going to be okay

Four days

Four days before, he surprises her with a motorcycle ride down the Atlantic coast. They make small talk, like acquaintances, and she asks him about Mona and Ximena and Toby, and he asks her about Riya and Darius. In the daylight and the great outdoors, his torso and back feel like a stranger’s, but she holds on, observing the celeste waves claw at the sand.

At sunset, he buys her three fish tacos from a food truck by the beach, and they eat quietly, having run out of things to talk about an hour ago. She wishes she was back in his twin, pretending that the sun wasn’t setting and that four days wasn’t only 96 hours, 5760 minutes, 345600 seconds away but she knows it’s inevitable, and this is supposed to be goodbye, forever.

Tell me these aren’t the best tacos you’ve had, ever.

And she wants to tell him that they are, despite only being six dollars and 87 cents, but she thinks that would offend him, so she keeps her lips zipped and nods her head.

When night bleeds into the sky, they lie on the sand dunes and he points out the constellations he finds, both real and original. And she searches for their eternity in the twinkling stars, hoping for a sign that she should leave with him, extend their time.

She doesn’t see one.

Twelve hours

She’s always had a weak stomach. Clutching the toilet seat, she heaves, retching, but an hour and a half in front of the bowl, she had nothing left to give. She gets up, slowly, fumbling for the thermometer, half-hoping she is truly ill – but the reader beeps ninety-eight degrees and she is perfectly normal and healthy.

She thinks of the aisle, the white dress, the veil, and a small current of nausea overtakes her.

They had promised each other they wouldn’t see each other anymore, but she texts him a white lie, and he is on her doorstep, a can of soup and a DVD in hand.

Chicken noodle soup and an action movie, the patented cure for any illness.

She smiles, and before they can reach her bed, they are one, lips on lips, palms on backs. I am Eighteen and he is Twenty, she imagines, and his offerings are left by the door, her ring on the nightstand.

He enters her, and she is ready, wanton with his scent, and her mind enters a haze, thoughts crude and instinctual. All she can gasp is his name, and when he finishes, he does it inside of her, and then she floats back down, down, down the pull of gravity stronger than the force of her lust.

You don’t have to go through with it. Just say the word. We can leave –

Her senses return to her, her mind blowing away the mist. Forever doesn’t exist, she thinks. Eternity is a lie.

Zero months, zero weeks, zero days, zero hours, zero minutes

“Do you, Ellie Wheeler, take Daniel Moore, to be your husband, to have and hold –“

We’ll stay here forever.

“ – from this day forward, for better or for worse –“

You’re going to be okay, you’re going to be okay, you’re going to be okay

“ – for richer or for poorer –“

Tell me these aren’t the best tacos you’ve had, ever.

“ – in sickness and in health – “

Chicken noodle soup and an action movie, the patented cure for any illness.

“ – to love and to cherish, until death do us part?”

You’re my driver forever.

“You may now kiss the bride.”

Patchouli and smoke, leather and lips. That’s what he tastes like, and she’d burn for him if she had the chance. His hands, roughened by his steady grip on the bike handles, traces her outer thighs, the curve of her stomach, the dip of her breasts. This is it, she thinks, and she drowns in him, willingly, unyieldingly, until Dan was a distant planet in space, and all she could see was him, him, and him, bright and fiery stars all around her body. He is like rum and danger and caramels. He is all of her sins, rolled up into a neat little gift, all wrong and deadly– yet here she is, a jezebel flushed as red as Hester Prynne’s bright red ‘A’.

“You don’t have to go through with it. Just say the word. We can leave all of this behind.”

She swallows. “No. I – I can’t.”

“You don’t have anything here anymore. It’s all a fucking lie. Your friends, your job, your apartment, your fiancé. Tell me you don’t miss LA.” He takes a breath. “Tell me you don’t miss me.”

She glances around her apartment. He is right, as always, but not right enough. Their eternity is too short, but she can’t tell him that. It’s torture, uttering the words, but she says them anyways. “I don’t miss you, Colt.” She twists the silver band around her finger, a sorry reminder of her transgressions. Out of the corner of her eye, she catches a glimpse of his face. It’s inscrutable, but she feels his pain, radiating.

“Fine. I’ll leave.”

And he does.

[nancy-kenyablog]

Saga of the shoes

When I packed to come to Kenya, other than a few suggestions from my friend who has been coming here for 10 years, I had no idea what I would actually need. So as usual I brought stuff I don’t need and I didn’t bring stuff that I do need. This is typical for me. That’s how I roll. The ramifications of such a packing style, if you want to call it that, are that I have to buy stuff when I land. In my current situation this is a challenge since I live in the middle of nowhere and the closest settlement is a half hour away down some amazingly treacherous cow paths that I get to navigate from the passenger seat of a tough as nails motorbike driven by a maniac Maasai man with nerves of steel and a superior knowledge of this land he’s lived on his whole life. We make this trip about once a week and so far my back is managing much better than I would have imagined. If I had imagined a thing like this excursion I would never have pictured myself in it. Never. I notice that if I think too hard about all of the possibilities I end up not doing anything so it’s sort of  a blind leap  into the void that gets me into situations like this.

Anyway….. I packed one pair of good walking shoes and I wore an old pair of ratty garden shoes/crocks. My thinking was the crocks would be easy to get out of and back into at the airport as they still have everybody taking off everything and getting radiated front and back. It is just part of the joy of flying. Those seats in economy class are another of the joys. If you don’t know what I’m talking about either you haven’t flown in awhile or you’re way more financially secure than me. The whole airplane travel thing is horrific. But it got me here so I’ll stop complaining now. About that anyway. I figured the crocs would be my bedroom slippers/knock around shoes. One small problem quickly presented itself. This place is full of little sand spurs and my crocs are so old that the soles are thin in places and those little sandspurs poke through the bottom them and either piss me off or actually make it impossible to walk until I stop and pull them out which isn’t easy and has left little barbs in my fingers on occasion. So it became increasingly clear that I need a new pair of shoes.

On one of our trips to Namilok, the small village where we go to shop I ended up sitting outside as dusk turned to dark with a beautiful young woman named Naomi and her two and a half year old daughter. I was her daughter’s first encounter with a white person and she was an unusually bright and inquisitive child so we had a lively encounter where she learned many English words and we became friends. During this little love fest many villagers came by and stopped to see what this old white lady was doing in this remote village where white folks are obviously just not at all a common occurrence. One of the passersby had a tape measure around her neck. I wouldn’t call myself a seamstress by any stretch but I do like to sew and I recognize a tape measure around the neck as a clear sign of a sister. So I followed her home. She had a small shop with fabric and samples of her work. And she had a whole wall full of cheap knock off shoes.

I picked out a pair of Tevaish ones and when I discovered they were only $10. I knew I had a solution for my poor prickled feet. When Dan, my intrepid driver finished all of our shopping and came back to get me I told him I wanted the shoes. He said we would have to check with Jessica and get them next time as we were on a budget and had already spent all that we came with. I wasn’t thrilled but I’ve gotten accustomed to waiting and things not going exactly my way here. It’s sort of how it is and part of the reason I decided to make this journey. I’m basically spoiled rotten and this is like a crash course in service above indulgence. I have to remind myself regularly that there is a reason for this and that I am being well served by serving. My fervent hope is that I will be far less of a spoiled brat at journey’s end. Hope springs eternal.

That was pass one. Pass two came the following week when we once again went to Namilok this time after a serious rain. The terrain was even more exciting plus we were carrying two pieces of wood lashed to the seat behind me and squeezing me between it and Dan. It was a huge relief when we landed and I was not looking forward to the trip back before we even finished that first leg. But I was excited to get my shoes. Dan did all the shopping as usual and this time I was deposited on a bench outside of a little shop where I sat with a man who’s four year old daughter drank milk from a plastic bag and stared at me shyly. When he came back to get me he said we only had money for one chair and two chairs had been on our list. I told him to forget the shoes and lets get another chair. We really need some chairs. He agreed and took off. When he returned he had more groceries and when we left Namalok we still had just one chair. I don’t ask many questions about logistics as I have noticed that with the language barrier and my basic lack of understanding about what is going on in general it’s best to just keep my nose out of it for the most part. So we got back on his picky picky (Maasai for motorbike) and now I had not only the wood pushing me from behind but a blue plastic chair on my shoulder for the ride home.

We made a stop this time at Dan’s house to drop off most of the groceries. Again I kept my big mouth shut. Three ragged little urchins where hanging around in the dirt with a small herd of baby goats. They looked like they could use some groceries. The house was a typical Maasai structure, sticks and cow dung. I asked Dan where his wife was and he said she had gone to fetch water. It’s not that far, in relative terms, to the spring where she goes to get her water, relative to how far most women have to walk. Some are walking 22 miles one way. She only has to walk about 2. One way is with an empty jerrycan and the return trip is with 50 pounds of water in the jerrycan which they attach to a strap that they somehow manage to support with their heads without breaking their necks. I’ll post a photo. It’s quite the feat. When we left his house after dropping off his groceries and got to the museum and he had to face the boss, Jessica, that’s when the shit kinda hit the fan.

One chair, no shoes and not much in terms of food. We didn’t get our money’s worth. Dan took off and left us to sort it out. So Jessica called him and he didn’t answer. That went on awhile. When he finally did answer he apologized and promised to make it right and said it wouldn’t happen again. So the next day it happened again. This time he did bring another chair and four bananas but two of them were squashed and he said they sold my shoes. He seemed to be drunk and we couldn’t make any sense of his explanation about why he had failed to bring a flashlight when Jessica had told him that the transformer blew down and we are without power and it’s an emergency. It just didn’t seem to register. Odd as he had to step around the fallen pole and wires to reach us. Anyway, it was a bit frustrating but it was getting dark by then and I just wanted to crawl in my little hovel and sleep. It had been another long day and I was happy to have another chair and the promise of shoes on the horizon. I had not lost my faith in Dan. I saw what he bought with the money he grafted by not getting my shoes and a chair. These were not frivolous purchases. Cornmeal, greens, laundry soap. He did get a haircut but that half hour experience in a shack off the main drag cost just 50 cents. Who could deny him that small pampering?

This morning Dan arrived with my shoes and two flashlights. The Kenya power people promise to fix our electricity by noon. It’s just 12:08 and I’m not expecting them anytime soon. I doubt that it will happen at all today as the wind is so strong they will have trouble walking straight much less climbing poles. There is more snow on Mount Kilimanjaro today. It never melted completely. And everything is greening after the rain on October first. The skies have been awe inspiring all day and all night. Life here continues to be unpredictable and challenging. Much better when I let go of expectations and enjoy the ride. Kinda like everywhere only way different.

[tinypigeonlord]

Don’t mind me, just have had a lot of thoughts on the new Pokemon game so imma write them down. There’s been a lot of posts and videos on what people wanna see or don’t wanna see in the new game too and I wanna give my own two cents to no one in particular.

So first of all graphics. I hear a lot of shit on that. Personally I don’t really have all that many expectations? Like yeah it’s gonna be a Switch game, the quality could possibly be better than we’ve seen. But also did people look over that ‘game footage not final’? Things may still improve and be further optimized. More than that, I love the artstyle atleast? Everything looks so colorful and vibrant and alive and goooood ;w; It sure got my attention. I can’t wait to see all the new areas on my big tv <3

Pokemon popping up and roaming vs random encounters: On one hand I love how lively everything looks with pokemon showing up in the overworld, on the other hand I love the random encounters? I personally liked hunting down specific pokemon, not knowing what I would encounter. I feel like this is also more fun when you’re doing a Nuzlocke; You can’t ‘cheat’ and select a pokemon from those that are currently roaming with random encounters. Aside from that, people mentioned that the roaming aspect made areas look more vacant instead because a lot of open space is needed for bigger pokemon roaming. And finally, it makes the surprise way more fun if a shiny shows up in a random encounter, instead of roaming between the rest of the ‘mon?

Pokemon following you/walking with you: PLS PLS PLS bring this back and expand on it, for all pokemon. Also the option to select which partymember you want to walk with. That was one thing that bummed me out in HeartGold/SoulSilver. If I wanted to walk with my fave, I also needed to have it in the front of the party and throw it out in battle, even in areas where it was at a disadvantage due to type or level. And sometimes I had a pokemon in front for the sake of progression but I didnt necessarily want to walk with it, but there was no option to turn walking off in HG/SS. I believe they did add these options in Let’s Go Pikachu/Eevee, but I havent played these games so I don’t know for sure what the options are. I kinda also want to have the option to pick whether I will walk with a ride pokemon or actually ride it? Like, it was hella cool that you could ride arcanine, persian, haunter or snorlax, etc. But what if I wanted it to just follow me? :/ What I also want back is the national dex once you completed the main story. Let most of the pokemon which first appear be gen 8, and after you beat the main game, pokemon from other generations show up more and you can catch new pokemon that were previously unavailable. I hated how in SuMo, I couldnt see a pokemon’s national dex number, and couldnt get any data on it if it wasnt native to Alola. 

Also this is gonna sound surprising coming from a shiny hunter, but I want the shiny charm to be a reward for filling the entire national dex again (minus mythicals/events), and make the shiny rate 1/8192 again instead of 1/4091. As much as I love my shinies, I kinda feel like they’re becoming a really common thing and way too easy to obtain? I do like there being methods to find shinies easier, such as Masuda breeding, chain-fishing, SOS-chaining, etc, but make it atleast a little bit harder than it currently is, to make all that effort worth it.

Compatibility with pokebank/the 3DS titles!! I want to transfer all my precious bbies I caught over the years to come join me in the next adventure. That would make it even more awesome if walking pokemon also returns; I can walk with my faves then, not just the pokemon available in Sword/Shield. Also Cloud compatibility. I know Nintendo is afraid of people abusing Cloud to edit save files and I can see them not adding cloud for Pokemon to prevent peeps from somehow cloning or editing pokemons, but on the other hand... Right now, I have ALL my rare, valuable pokemon stored on a Ultra Sun cartridge. Every super rare shiny legendary I spent MONTHS on to encounter, every event pokemon from events that will never happen again, and every pokemon that has nostalgic value to me. If that game cartridge breaks, they’re all gone. If Cloud storage would be a thing for pokemon, I’d have a lot less anxiety about gathering all my babies on a single game with the risk of losing ALL OF THEM. Besides, I pay for online service and cloud, and thusfar havent been able to use the feature for my games :/

And definitely compatibility with pro controller. I really do not like the feel of the joycons, nor the pokeball plus, especially not after playing for a few hours, so I’m really hoping we’ll be able to use the pro controller. Considering we seem to be getting the old battle system back instead of Let’s Go’s, I don’t see why they shouldn’t add pro controller compatibility. Besides, I spent a lot of money on this thing, lemme use it >:v

Customization. The new trainers look absolutely adorable, but being able to make your trainer fit your style more is still great and makes things more personal. On one hand I’d love even more options for customization than in SuMo, on the other hand I fear I will never even get anywhere cause I’ll be spending hours mixing and matching outfits :’D I am not at all fashionable irl, but my characters in games have to look tip top. Most importantly, I want gender-neutral stuff!! As in, the option to wear clothes or hairstyles regardless of the gender you picked at the beginning. Give me a girl and the female pronouns, but the option to get the haircut that the boys get and that flannel he wears. For example.

Minigames! Not everyone is a fan of them, but personally I love things like Contests, PokeAthlon, the Underground, Missions in the Festival Plaza, etc. Especially multiplayer stuff. Give me other stuff to do besides battling. And on that note give me fun multiplayer features; besides trading and battling! The feature where you can call for another trainer in Let’s Go seemed fun to me. Being able to connect with other players and joining them in your game to do stuff together. Like how you can invite people to your town in Animal Crossing, go to the island and take on island challenges from Tortimer.

Story-wise, it would be great to have a big long story, also post-game, which doesn’t end too soon, but with the option to skip cutscenes if you so please, and more importantly, have the freedom to also explore. In Sun/Moon, you were constantly forced to go to a very specific location, everything else was blocked, and you had a cutscene every new area. Like, it was all very linear. I love the older games in that regard, where there is a story, but you figure out yourself how to progress without NPCs constantly telling you where to go and what to do. I always have this issue where after I’m done with the story, I’m kind of... lost on what to do next, so personally I love a long story to keep me busy. Give me a serious threat for the antagonists. Team Skull was lovely and I enjoyed their antics, but I want to feel like I’m saving the Galar region or even bigger, rather than just stomping on some bullies, PETA (Plasma) or fashion disasters (Flare). Also gimme an asshole rival. Lately we’ve had a bunch of precious bbies who must be protected, now bring back a rival who deserves an asswhooping and had it coming. :v As for the new gyms with gym masters instead of leaders, I have no opinion yet. I like the good ol’ themed gyms, I liked the trials. The arena thing looks pretty neat thusfar, but there’s not enough info yet for me to have much of an opinion now. I heard a rumor that this game will also have missions you can do to earn rewards & brownie points, and that would be really cool. I always really love missions in RPGs. I’m just hoping that there will be like, a combination of one-time missions AND daily missions so you don’t run out of things to do eventually after completing a whole list.

I’m also hoping that any potential mythical pokemon will come in the form of missions. The whole serial codes giveaways suck. Just entering a code for some random delivery man to appear in the pokemon center, just casually handing you a super rare mythical pokemon like it’s nothing is just bs. Give me new story, sidequests or missions DLC for a mythical pokemon instead. Like Celebi in Crystal + HG/SS, Mew in Emerald, Shaymin and Darkrai in Platinum, and then expand the missions even more. Pokemon Ranger actually did this really well; you had to go on a mission involving the pokemon before you got it.

Finally, maybe a difficulty setting. People always complain that the games are too easy and that you have to use self-imposed rules such as Nuzlockes to make it remotely challenging. Maybe add a normal or easy mode for young kids just getting into the games, including tutorials such as the trainer school so they can get used to how everything works. Make a harder setting for veterans who like the games to have some challenge but are still in it for the story, and a Very Hard/Ultimate mode for competitive players who know every in and out of the game and are looking for a challenge where you really have to balance your team out and know what you’re doing to progress, and for people who can’t care less about the story elements of the games.

[4birds-of-a-feather]

Chapter 26 - Man, it doesn’t show signs of stoppin’ [part 8]

Birds Of a Feather

(In the previous chapters: Sara can’t hold her liquor and is unexpectedly rather friendly with Stone, who is a bit weirded out by her behavior – especially when she mentions how great Jeff’s ass is; the Twister match finally ends with McCready as the unexpected winner, something that the bass player doesn’t tolerate at all: the two guys proceed to fight but a comment by Sara leads Jeff to put an end to it)

Seattle, 24th December 1984

“Papà, see how good I’ve been? I’ve kept my distance from the kitchen so I wouldn’t be in the way-woah, you basically cooked for an entire battalion!” Sara exclaimed, entering the kitchen and finding it literally overflowing with delicacies of every kind. “Nah, just a couple of things here and there… would you please be so kind as to wear something a little more festive than those pajamas? You know I’m a bit nitpicking ‘bout these things…” “Suuuuure, want me to wear some make-up too?” “That wouldn’t be unwise… and a pair of shoes too, don’t think I didn’t see your faithful Donald Duck slippers!” the man exclaimed, running to take the umpteenth dish out of the oven “Phew, saved by the bell!” <The fuck is goin’ on here?> she thought, but did as her father had suggested all the same. The girl came downstairs after twenty minutes, wearing a Rudolph-the-Red-Nosed-Reindeer green sweater, a pair of Converse of the same color and a little bit of eye shadow. When he saw his daughter’s fashion choices, Aldo barely stifled a couple of chuckles, and was saved by the doorbell ringing. “You waitin’ for somebody?” Sara asked him, going toward the front door. “Not that I’m aware of…” Aldo kept on adding the finishing touches to the appetizers in order to keep himself busy and not laugh in his daughter’s face, while she shrugged and proceeded to open the door. “Hi! Hope I’m not late but it was a bit difficult carrying this while riding the bik-” an all wrapped up warm Jeff had greeted her with a huge beam, and she had instinctively slammed the door in his face. She had literally slammed the door in his face. <DIO, FULMINAMI! SONO UNA TESTA DI CAZZO> she internally screamed, then took a deep breath and re-opened the door. “852 Northeast 68th Street… I knew I had the right address…” Jeff spoke up again, and Sara felt extremely mortified. “I’m so, so sorry! I was so shocked to see you standing there that I basically forgot how to properly behave!” she gesticulated wildly, not being able to look him in the eye. “It’s my fault, I broke you” he retorted with a chuckle full of mirth that allowed her to let out a deep breath and finally make eye contact with him – the crinkle lines around his eyes were the clear sign that he was glad to be there and hadn’t taken any offence in her previous behavior. The girl finally digested what he had said and flushed: “But don’t stand there – please, come in!” Jeff followed her inside and hung his coat and scarf, then stopped to look better at her. “Nice sweater” he grinned, and she suddenly remembered what she was wearing – maybe being electrocuted wasn’t enough, maybe a hole deeper than the Mariana Trench she could crawl into and where she could finally die would have worked better. “I-I didn’t know-” she started, but the words died in her throat when the guy dangerously brought his face closer to hers. “... And I like these earrings” he said, studying one of the red dangle earrings she was wearing and then letting his hand linger in her curls. “Jeffrey! Do come in, I’m finishing to prepare the appetizers!” Aldo’s voice came from inside the kitchen, making his daughter move aside from Jeff as if she had just burnt herself. “Good evening, mr. Fancini!” the bass player had retrieved the package he had brought and smiled at the older man “I parked my bike on the porch, hope it’s not a problem” “Not at all, son! How did you manage to ride your bike and bring this along at the same time?” “Errr – good stamina, I guess?” Jeff had scratched his nape, a lil’ bit embarrassed, then handed him the packet “Just a little present to thank you for the invitation” “Oh, you shouldn’t have!” Aldo tore off the wrapping paper and found a bottle of Pinot blanc. “I didn’t know what was in the menu, so I thought that bringin’ some bubbles would do the trick” “Excellent choice! Lemme put it in the refrigerator – Saruccia, would you please let this young man sit down in the living room? I still have to check the tortellini, the abbacchio and-God, I haven’t stuffed the pandoro yet!” the man almost screamed, running again into the kitchen. The two of them ended sitting in front of each other – just the coffee table between them – and, just as Sara was intent on sinking into the armchair and plotting some serious revenge on her father, the guy spoke up. “That’s some massive tree you have out there… what is it?” “Oh, the wisteria… yeah, it’s huge – best part of the whole house, but that’s just my two cents” “Can’t judge, you should give me a tour before I’m allowed to do that” he raised his hands and winked at her, making her blush for the umpteenth time. “Soooo… guess you’re not goin’ home for this Christmas, huh?” Sara changed topic and immediately wished she had bitten her tongue instead “Shit, I swear I-I’m not tryin’ to send you away – it’s just that-” “No worries” he flashed her a little smile “Anyway nope, and when your father found out about it he’s been so kind to invite me for dinner – said I shouldn’t spend Christmas Eve all alone and all that jazz” <… and he casually forgot to mention this brilliant plan to his only daughter… man, am I going to strangle the old man at the end of the evening…> “Yeah, he’s right! Nobody should be alone on Christmas Eve” “Exactly, and that’s why I took the liberty of inviting this young gentleman to join us this evening…” Aldo made again his appearance, carrying a couple of trays full of salmon canapés and every kind of vegetables in oil and putting them in the middle of the table that was standing near the right corner of the room “Dinner’s served, rebels without a cause!” “Jesus, look at all these delicacies…” Jeff sat down, eyeing all the small bowls that Aldo and Sara were arranging on the table. “Do you like vegetables in oil, Jeff? Because in this house we have an entire army of them!” Aldo enthusiastically began to point at all the different bowls “Those are the artichokes, the ones that Sara is putting down right now are the eggplants, and these are the mushrooms… there’s also peppers, zucchini and olives – here, try one of them!” The young man began to taste them and quickly reached the Nirvana, a content expression already painted on his face. “You better not stuff yourself on these things, mr. Ament – my dad has at least another dozen of dishes to parade…” the girl gave him an enigmatic smile but, at the same time, handed him the tray of salmon-and-butter canapés. “I won’t, even if it’s all delicious… you did a great job, mr. Fancini” Jeff nodded, biting a canapé and trying to restrain himself to take another one. “It doesn’t take a lot of ability to put some salmon and curls of butter on slices of bread… and the vegetables in oil are all prepared by my sisters, they send me a huge box full of them every year – they know that on Christmas Eve we like to drown ourselves in these delicacies…” “We sure do, but not only on Christmas Eve…” Sara added in a seraphic way, picking an olive and trying to spit out its pit without looking like a truck driver – hell, after all she still had her crush sitting right in front of her… “That reminds me I have to turn off the oven, the abbacchio must be ready by now” Aldo stood up and went again into the kitchen, coming back after a few minutes with a pot full of tortellini in broth. “Something to warm up your bellies” he gave Jeff a smile and proceeded to put a big portion of tortellini in his dish “If you want seconds or thirds don’t feel shy, understood?” “I won’t, it’s a promise” the young man imitated the scouts’ gesture, then studied the content of his plate “What’s their filling?” “Prosciutto, I guess – that’s enough, papà, thank you… hope you haven’t already put the parmigiano in there” Sara sighed, moving the tortellini with her spoon. “You surely don’t have faith in your old man, huh missy?” her father gave her a flick on the cheek “I didn’t forget – let’s see if our guest would like to have some of it” “Oh, I always put it on my pasta, so I guess it’s a must-do this evening too” “Well, son, you’re lucky I’m not keen on taking offence for this kind of things but, in my shoes, other people would surely do: that unknown substance you keep on calling ‘parmesan’ is not remotely similar to what I’m about to offer you…” “Here we go again with the preacher act...” the girl sighed again, pinching the bridge of her nose “Can we please skip it and go immediately to the most important part – that is eating?” “I get it, I get it, no more bitching” her father raised his hands “But seriously, Jeff: if you’re used to putting alien cheese on pasta, you should totally try the real parmigiano – you won’t regret it” The bass player followed his advice and soon it was already abbacchio’s time – Jeff didn’t know what to expect with that strange name, so finding out that it was lamb chops browned in oil and garlic, spiced with sage and rosemary and served with roast potatoes immensely delighted him – and then also came the stuffed peppers, the fruit salad, the trail mix and the pandoro filled with mascarpone, all served with generous glasses of Sangiovese. “Thank God you didn’t forget I hate mascarpone to death…” “As if I could, with such a petulant daughter…” Aldo pinched his daughter’s cheek “Jeff, want some limoncello to digest this frugal meal? I’d recommend it, and then we can end with a bang – your bottle, how about that?” “Frugal meal?! I’m not going to eat until New Year’s Day, Jesus…” the guy exclaimed, patting his stomach “Anyway, digesting right now sounds like a good plan” “Here, have a sip” the host handed him a shot of yellow liquor – the strong smell of lemons could have resurrected Lazarus without needing any miracle. “Let’s just hope we won’t find him and his bike at the bottom of Green Lake…” Sara snorted, taking in the way Jeff’s cheeks were all rosey – he was all smiles and laughter, apparently genuinely enjoying their company. “Naaah, no problem! I didn’t drink that much” “Yeah, I doubt he’ll ever reach my uncles’ level of intoxication…” “Papà! No need to pester him with our family’s tales of insanity… you want him to run for the hills?” “Insanity… You’re always exaggerating, it’s just some funny anecdote to pass the time” “How much are you willing to bet that, knowing how far our family reunions can go, tomorrow he’ll pretend he doesn’t know us?” “C’mon, I’m dying to know what happened!” “Suit yourself, but don’t say I didn’t warn ya” the girl crossed her arms, already cursing her father’s brilliant idea to tell her crush some freakin’ story about her relatives and their tantrums. “Weeell, first of all: you need to know that I come from a large family – I have four sisters and two brothers – and during the festivities our table was always huge… uncles, aunts, grandfather and grandmother, cousins… everybody was there; festivities are great because you can spend ‘em with your family, your relatives that perhaps are living in other towns, but they can also be a pain in the ass – the organization, the stress, the confusion of having almost thirty people free to roam all over your house… you know how it is” “No, he doesn’t – remember, not all families are insane like ours” “Signorina, lasciami finire!” Aldo scolded his daughter, then resumed his tale “As I was saying, when members of the family are scattered in a few towns, it’s only normal to update each other on what has happened to us during the past year… my uncles Bartolomeo, Ambrogio and Gioacchino used to do the same: they were farmers, so they usually churned out random numbers, for example how much wheat they had produced and things like that… one particular Christmas Eve they took a drop too much and fought about who had produced more wine and oil during the year: they insulted each other, a couple of noses were punched in the process and, in the midst of all that confusion, the roasted cappone – the capon, d’ya know it? The castrated rooster, c’mon! – literally flew on my sister Elvira’s head… she was 15 years old and immediately started to cry because her face was entirely covered with gravy and her new dress had been ruined, while my mother, not caring about the fact that those three troublemakers were still her husband’s brothers, almost killed them with her faithful rolling pin” “… Jesus, what a rollercoaster” Jeff finally spoke up, then burst out laughing “I’d surely pay to attend one of these dinners of yours” “Consider yourself officially invited! We’ll probably spend next Christmas in Florence, so that could be the perfect occasion for you to have a proper Italian holid-” the older man had taken off at top speed, but when his daughter had looked daggers at him, he had coughed a bit embarrassed “Err, I’m going to grab the wine!” and, thus said, he quickly went out the room. “Your grandma seems quite the strong-willed woman – I wonder who has inherited her same temper…” “Hey! It’s not our fault if we have to deal with such a handful on a daily basis” the girl threw a fistful of walnut shells in Jeff’s direction, who resumed to chuckle “Anyway yeah, she’s a true force of nature… I mean, you have to be, if you want to raise seven children without going out of your head” “That sounds like some superhero’s doing, and who could play that part if not moms?” “Yeah, who could do that better than them?” Sara had scrunched up her nose, her mind inevitably running to the woman that, almost seventeen years before, had given birth to her. Luckily for her, the topic was dropped because Aldo had just re-entered the room with the bottle in a hand and a cutting board full of nougat pieces clutched in the other. “I had almost forgotten about the nougat!” he exclaimed, putting the cutting board on the table and then proceeding to uncork the Pinot. Sara partook in their toast with her glass full of Coke – she surely preferred gulping down some nougat instead of drinking wine, whose taste had never pleased her – and, even if it wasn’t midnight yet, they all wished each other a happy Christmas.

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The merry people had then installed themselves in the other part of the room, when suddenly Aldo excused himself because he needed to go to the bathroom, only to come back with a basket in his hands. Sara immediately stood up from the rocking chair where she had been sitting, unable to open her mouth. “Saruccia, I’ve been checkin’ on him the whole evening – now it’s your turn” he smiled at her, finally revealing the presence of a scrawny tabby kitten in the basket; needless to say, the girl ran to pick the little animal up and pulled it into a hug. “The cat shelter told me he was the smallest of his litter, they almost feared he wouldn’t be able to-hey! What have I always told you about the rules of this house? No tears are allowed, c’mon!” the man had patted her on the back, but his daughter wasn’t able to stop the sobbing “I think that quite some time has passed ever since Poe’s passing and we needed a new cat roaming this house, don’t ya think?” Sara nodded and, still sniffing, thanked her father and pulled him into a tight hug – obviously paying attention not to suffocate the new-entry of the family. “Isn’t he the cutest thing you’ve ever seen?!” she then approached Jeff, who agreed with her and gently petted the kitten. “Now you just need a name” “The young man’s right, how do you want to call him?” “Hmm” the girl pondered, looking around, when suddenly her gaze fell on a precise point and she lit up “How about Monty?” “… Like Clift! Nice choice, kiddo” Aldo looked at the A Place In The Sun poster that was hanging near the fireplace and smiled satisfied. “And Monty Python too” “That’s true, I hadn’t thought about it! That’s it, we have a name” Sara nodded all jubilant, then addressed the little cat, focused on the caresses Jeff was still giving him “You have a name, Monty! D’ya like it?” The animal looked attentively at her, then started to purr – the bass player clearly saw how she had literally melted for that little gesture and smiled to himself. While she was busy cooing at Monty, Jeff got lost into observing her: the little red spheres of her earrings slowly swaying among her curls, the adorable way she scrunched up her nose while the kitten was trying to catch it with one of its paws, the long eyelashes and the small dent in the middle of her lower lip… he still couldn’t believe how much a person’s presence could change somebody’s life – and yet, there she was: almost seven months had passed ever since their first meeting and he often found himself wondering how the hell his life was before that notorious 31st May. … better stop asking himself that and start embracing that fresh breath of air that was all curls and toothy grins, like the one she was giving him in that exact moment.

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“Are you sure you don’t want to stay for the night? We have a guest room, you know” Aldo said, walking Jeff to the entrance of the house just a couple of minutes after midnight. “Nah, mr. Fancini, I’m good – it’s just that I start my shift in seven hours and I really should go… but thanks anyway” “Oh, you didn’t tell me you had to work…” “I had already scheduled it when I was thinking I would have spent this evening doing nothing… Boy, I’m glad I was so wrong” the guy chuckled, finishing to fix his scarf and heading for the front door. Sara’s eyes widened in horror. <THE FUCKIN’ MISTLETOE!> The girl and her dad in fact had an inner joke: being two golden singles, they always found it funny to hang some mistletoe on the doorjamb of the front door – betting on who among the two of them would have enough luck to finally “break the curse”. Right now, it wasn’t funny at all.  “Then I feel obliged to renew my invitation for next year too! You still have to try the panettone, the cappon-” Aldo had resumed his work of persuasion, when his daughter gave him a nudge in the chest, redness all over her cheeks – both for the fear of Jeff finally noticing the mistletoe and the discomfort caused by her father’s umpteenth attempt to drag the guy into their family in a not-so-subtle way. He had stopped talking and looked at her for some explanation but, luckily for them, Jeff hadn’t noticed their strange behavior because he had crouched down to pet Monty. Sara had indicated the mistletoe with a nod and Aldo finally understood – or so she thought. “Err-Saruccia, why don’t you walk Jeff to the gate? I’d better get started with the dishes” “God, I’m such a boor! Lemme help ya, mr. Fancini, it’s the least I can do to thank-” “NONSENSE!” Aldo almost shouted, already sensing his daughter’s killer instincts rise “Nonsense, son: you’re the guest and you don’t have to lift a single finger… but I appreciate it all the same” “That’s fine with me, but it would have only been right: after all, I ate like a bear” “That has only made me happy: my daughter eats like a little bird, sometimes I feel the need to feed someone with a huge appetite... Well, take good care of ya, Jeffrey – it’s been a pleasure, you’re a good kid” the older man patted him on the shoulder and, after grabbing Monty, went to the kitchen. Jeff had looked at the entrance of the kitchen with a little smile on his lips, then resumed to speak. “Wanna go outside?”

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The sky was clear and the air promised snow, the perfect ending – beginning? – for that evening; Jeff was pulling his bike down the path while Sara was walking by his side, almost disappearing inside the giant scarf she was wearing. “Sooo, I guess it’s time to give you this” he said all of a sudden, leaning his bicycle against the oak from where an old swing was hanging and taking a small package out of one of the pockets of his coat “A silly little thing I made for ya” “A present… for me?” the girl had gasped, taking it from his hands a bit hesitantly “But I didn’t buy you anything, I didn’t know you-” “Believe me, couldn’t find a better gift than your company” he smiled softly, than gave her a little nudge “C’mon, open it!” Sara turned the packet over in her hands, admiring the blue and silvery wrapping paper he had used, then finally tore it off: she looked in amazement at a sketch in pen of herself, framed by the words ‘always touched by your presence’, that was looking right back at her. “It’s-err, it’s a mixtape – I did the art too, probably too sloppily but I had like zero photos of ya and I had to draw by heart…” the guy had explained like a river in flood, feeling more and more stupid as he went on with his stammering “Anyway, what was I saying? Oh, yes; I know I pestered you with my Clash tapes for months, so this is some way to make up for it… I chose some songs that reminded me of you, and-OOMPH” he stopped talking because she had literally thrown her arms round his neck, pulling him into a tight hug. “Thank you-thank you-thank you! This is like the greatest present ever! Well, maybe after Monty… oh, what am I talkin’ about?? You’re the best, thank you!” the girl had squealed while he, after the initial shock, had hugged her back. “You’re welcome, but it’s nothing special…” “Shut up! It is, nobody has ever done something like this for me before, okay? So I’m gonna hang tight on this” she had finally loosened the hug, but his hands still lingered on her back “Can’t wait to see what’s in store for me…” she had started to fumble with the case. “No, please!” the guy had proceeded to stop her “Please… after I’m gone?” “You want me to read it after you’ve left? How come?” “Nothing, it’s just… I want to hear your thoughts about the tape, but not right now; I want you to listen to it in a proper way, gather your opinions and then tell me all about it – right now it would feel too rushed, you understand?” “… Deal; it’s only fair, after you’ve given me such a fine present” “If it takes so little to make you happy, that means I’ll have to give you presents more often” the bass player thought out loud, redness instantly boiling all over his ears. “I-I don’t think that you’d need to spoil me to-to keep me around” Sara had stammered, blushing to the roots of her hair – she immediately gained the brightest grin ever from him. “Yeah… I’m the luckiest guy ever” he gave her a flick on the nose and then retrieved his bike “Now I seriously have to go get some sleep or in a few hours I’m going to fuck up every single order” She quickly nodded and they resumed their brief walk, both of them not daring to speak up for fear of ruining the atmosphere. “Well, thanks again for the gift and your patience – having to deal with both me and my dad can be an exhausting thing” “Are you kiddin’ me? You’re two of the most hilarious people I know, it was a real pleasure hangin’ with ya! I was supposed to get plastered in bed, not stuff myself with delicious things and awesome comp-” The guy’s words had died in his throat because Sara had suddenly stood on the tip of her toes to kiss him on the cheek. “Merry Christmas, Jeffrey. Be safe on your way back home” “Th-thanks, you-you too – shit! – err-I-I meant ‘merry Christmas’ to you too, not the other thing – you’re already home, you don’t need-” “Seems that now it’s my turn to break ya, huh?” the girl sneered, and all he could do was awkwardly patting her head, saying goodbye, finally hopping on his bike and disappearing out of her sight. She giggled to herself, then fished the tape out of her pocket and, while walking back to the house, started skimming through the tracklist. “Let’s see what we’ve got here: New Dawn Fades by Joy Division… (I’m Always Touched by Your) Presence, Dear by Blondie – oh, it’s where the mixtape title comes from! – Love Song by AC/DC… LOVE SONG???” She almost stumbled on the steps of the porch but quickly recovered at the last second. <Think, think! AC/DC don’t do ballads, so a song called ‘Love Song’ has surely nothing to do with romantic things… yeah, that’s it> “… New Rose by The Damned – I like this one, he remembered! Ever Fallen in Love (With Someone You Shouldn’t’ve)??? I Wanna Be Your Dog???? The World’s a Mess; It’s in My Kiss??????” her voice had become higher and higher, almost sounding like a squeak. <… that doesn’t sound like a random friendly mixtape, right?!?!> “The World’s a Mess; It’s in My Kiss…” she muttered to herself with a big grin spread all over her face, then went inside the house clutching the tape tightly to her chest, where she could clearly feel a deep happiness bubbling like crazy.

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“Soooo… how did it go??” “He gave me this mixtape he’s made just for me! Look at it, isn’t it awesome??” “Yeah, it is… now, how about tellin’ your old man how it really went?” “… what do you mean?” “The whole mistletoe accident, c’mon! Who took the first step?!” “Woah, slow down! Nothing happened” “What do you mean ‘nothing happened’?? You two didn’t kiss under the mistletoe?!” “What made you think we would have done it? Sometimes I really can’t understand you…” “But you pointed out the damned mistletoe to me like you’d been possessed! That’s why I let you escort him to the gate…” “Jesus, papà! I indicated it because I didn’t want Jeff noticing it and I needed your help!” “… you’re seriously tellin’ me you didn’t ask me to let you have some private time with him?” “… you’re impossible” “Good God, you’re the one who’s impossible! Find me another dad who’s totally ok with letting his daughter smooch somebody under the mistletoe, I dare you!” “Holy Vittorio De Sica, cut it out!” “I was so invested in this I even said ‘castrated rooster’ instead of ‘castrated cock’…” “FOR FUCK’S SAKE, DAD! SHUT UUUUP!” “Kids these days… I’ll never understand ‘em…”

[yourlocalmoon-blog]

Dear Benita,

Hello, everybody. Thanks for coming. I am the Lorax. I speak for the trees. And I'd like to say a few words, if you please. Regarding the story that you're about to see it actually happened. Just take it from me. But there's more to this story than what's on the page, so please pay attention while I set the stage. We open in Thneedville, a city they say that was plastic and fake, and they liked it that way! A town without nature, not one living tree. So, what happened to them? Cue the music! Let's see. Buzz. Buzz. In Thneedville, it's a brand new dawn With brand new cars and houses and lawns Here in Got-all-that-we-need-ville In Thneedville, we manufacture our trees Each one is made in factories And uses 96 batteries In Thneedville, the air's not so clean So we buy it fresh It comes out this machine! In Satisfaction's- guaranteed-ville In Thneedville, we don't want to know Where the smog and trash and chemicals go I just went swimming, and now I glow In Thneedville, we have fun year round We surf and snowboard right in town We thank the Lord for all we've got Including this brand new parking lot! Parking lot! Oh, look, it's Aloysius O'Hare Aloysius O'Hare The man who found a way to sell air And became a zillionaire Hip-hip-hooray! In Thneedville, we love living this way It's like living in paradise It's perfect! And that's how it will stay Oh, yeah! Here in Love-the-life-we-lead-ville Destined-to-succeed-ville We-are-all-agreed-ville We love it here in... Thneedville! Yes! Oh, hi, Ted. Oh, hey, Audrey. Hi. Did your ball land in my backyard again? What? No. A model airplane, this time. Hey, do you want to see something cool? Come on. Whoa! Did you... Did you paint this? Do you like it? What? Are you kidding? This is amazing! What are those? Those are trees. Real ones. They used to grow all around here. And people said that the touch of their tufts was softer than anything, even silk. And they smelled like butterfly milk! Wow! What does that even mean? I know, right? Oh, yeah. What I want more than anything in the whole world is to see a real living tree growing in my backyard. So if, say... I'm just thinking out loud here. If a guy somehow got you one... I'd probably marry him on the spot. I bet that sounds crazy. Does that sound crazy? No! Not crazy. Not crazy at all. Ted, honey, don't play with your food. You, either, Mom. So, Mom, do you happen to know if there's any place where I could get a real tree? Ted, we already have a tree. It's the latest model. Yeah, but I mean a real one that grows out of the ground or whatever. You know, a real tree. Really? You would rather have some dirty, messy lump of wood that just sticks out of the ground? And it does what? I don't even know what it does. What's its purpose? Look at what we've got. It's the Oak-amatic. The only tree with its own remote. Summer, autumn, winter, and disco! Mom? Come on, Ted. Get into it. Dance with the tree. Oh, it hurts, Mom. Please stop. So, anyway... Let's just say I need a tree. Where would I go? What do I do? Then you know what? You need to find the Once-ler. The what? Mom, it's not really the time for one of your magical fables, okay? That's right, I forgot. I'm old and can't even remember to put my teeth in. Stand down. That's not what I meant. No, really, I forgot my teeth. Would you be a dear and go get them for me? Sure, Mom. Okay, here's the deal. The Once-ler is the man who knows what happened to the trees. You want one, you need to find him. The Once-ler? Mmm-hmm. Okay. Grammy, is this a real thing that we're talking about now? Oh, he's real all right. Well, where can I find him? Far outside of town where the grass never grows and the wind smells slow and sour when it blows. And no birds ever sing, excepting old crows. Quit doing that. That's the place where the Once-ler lives. Wait, outside of town? People used to say if you brought him 15 cents, a nail and the shell of a great, great, great grandfather snail, he would tell you everything. Hmm. Mr. O'Hare, what we've got for you is something that is going to take O'Hare Air to the next level. Now, Mr. O'Hare, I know what you're thinking. One, " I've gotten rich selling people air that's "fresher than the stinky stuff outside. " Two, and here is the important one, "How can I possibly make even more money?" We can tell you, sir! We can tell you. Check out this commercial, huh? Well, here goes another lame Saturday. Dude, I don't think so! Huh! Hey! Man! Oh, yeah! What! Yeah! O'Hare purified air. Freshness to go. Please breathe responsibly. Ah? Oh, my goodness. Yeah! Love it. You got to be kidding me. You really think people are stupid enough to buy this? Our research shows that if you put something in a plastic bottle, people will buy it. Exactly. And... And what's more, when we build a new factory to make the plastic bottles, the air quality is just going to get worse. Which will make people want our air even more, and drive sales where? Through the roof! So, in other words, the more smog in the sky, The more people will buy. See, that's why he's the genius! It even rhymes! I'm aware it rhymes. Coats. Big. What do you two knuckleheads want? I'm in the middle of a meeting! What? Why is he leaving town? No one ever leaves town! See what he's up to. Whoa! Huh? Whoa! Whoa. Oh, man. Whoa! All right. Okay. What the... Whoa! Who are you? Who are you and what are you doing here? I'm Ted. I'm Ted. I can't breathe. Are you the Once-ler? Oh, man. Didn't you read the signs? No one is supposed to come here. Get out of here and leave me alone! And don't let the boot hit you on the way out. The boot? Hello! Ow! Listen! People say that if someone brings you this stuff that you will tell them about trees. No, no, no! Trees? Yeah, real ones. You know, that grow out of the ground? Hello? Sorry, it's just... Well, I didn't think anyone still cared about trees. Well, that's me. The guy who still cares. I'm here. Hey! What? Do you want to know about trees? About what happened to them? Why they're all gone? It's because of me. Wait, what? It's because of me! And my invention, the Thneed. It was an amazing product that could do the job of a thousand. All right. Sounds ridiculous, but I mean, that's cool. You're darn right it was cool! It all started a long time ago. Can we start not so long ago, maybe? Do you want a tree? Yes, yes. Then it all started a long, long time ago. I was a young man leaving home. Well, here I go, Mom. Off to change the world with my Thneed. I'm actually doing it! Yes, but just remember, Oncie, if somehow your invention ends up a failure instead of a success, oh, it wouldn't surprise me at all! Nice wheels. Burn! Ow! Yeah, "Burn!" But you will see, okay? I'm going to prove you all wrong. Come on, Melvin! So, there I was at the very bottom. With nothing but a wagon, a mule, and a completely irrational sense of optimism. I was searching the globe, obsessed with finding the perfect material for my Thneed. But I'd had absolutely no success. Until one day, I found paradise. Oh! We're going to be there soon, I'm sure. Whoa! This is the most beautiful place, okay, I have ever seen. Oh. Ta-da! Whoa! Yeah This is it This is the place These Truffula trees are just what I need Gonna chop one down and make my Thneed But first... Now you! That's great! So now our friendship can begin Hand in hand, and wing and fin There's nothing you and I can't do So let's all make my dreams come true Hey, guys! Come on, where is my back-up chorus? What? Ah-ha! Oh. Ooh! Hey, hey, wait. Wait a minute. Excuse me? Yeah, that's awesome. Feeding junk food to forest animals? That's great. But, uh, is there a musical number where you show me how to get a tree? Because I would love to hear that one. Oh, yes. Right after the musical number about the kid who kept interrupting the story, and was never heard from again. Right, got it. Proceed. All right, here we go. About to make a Thneed, about to change the world. Check it out, guys... Where did everybody go? Little did I know that by chopping down that tree I had just summoned a mystical creature as old as time itself. The legendary, slightly annoying guardian of the forest. The Lorax. Hey! Whoo! Did you chop down this tree? Uh... No. Who did it? What's that? I think he did it. Leave! Vacate the premises! Take your ax and get out! And who are you? I'm the Lorax! Guardian of the forest. I speak for the trees. So you're telling me, you just didn't see me magically appear out of that stump? With all the lightning and thunder and stuff. You didn't see any of that? No, but that sounds amazing. Can I see some of that? Uh, yeah, I could show you. But that's not how it works. Okay. Um... Didn't really happen. Oh, I know what you want! I've got one of these for the cutest little guy I ever saw! Yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy... How dare you! Give me that! Mmm. I'm going to eat this, but I am highly offended by it. What are you... Hey, Mustache! Will you stop that? What's your deal, man? Time for you to go, Beanpole! Pull them right out. Just going to put them right back in. We can do this all day. Stop right there! Stop it! So you would hammer one of nature's innocent creatures? What? No! I would never hit this little guy. You, on the other hand, I would gladly pound you and your mustache into the ground! Behold! The intruder and his violent ways. Shame on you. For shame! All right, you know what? That's it! You listen to me, you furry meatloaf. I'm going to chop down as many trees as I need. Okay? Newsflash! Not going anywhere! End of story. Then you leave me no choice. If you're not gone by the time the sun sets on this valley, all the forces of nature will be unleashed upon you and curse you until the end of your days! You have been warned. Thanks. Yeah, okay. You have been warned. But I didn't listen to his warning. And you won't believe what happened that night. What? If you want to hear more, come back tomorrow. Hey, wait, wait! Tomorrow? Whoa! Whoa-ho-ho. Are you serious right now? Ah! You live in the middle of nowhere! It stinks out here. Don't make me come back! I guess you don't really want to hear the rest of the story. No, no. I do. I really do. I want to hear the story. I just... Nah! You don't have what it takes. Goodbye. Wait, wait! I have what it takes. It's all right. It's okay, I'll come back. It's no problem. See, here I am, leaving. Walking away now. I'll see you tomorrow. Mmm. Maybe. Just maybe. What did you wish for, Audrey? Well, I would love to tell you, but, sadly, according to the universal wish laws, I cannot. I know what she wished for. Was it, perhaps... This? Ted, you didn't. Oh, no. I totally did. Happy birthday, Audrey. Kiss him! Kiss him! Ted. Ted. Tedster. Huh! You're kissing the cereal again, hon. What? I just... I like this cereal. What one is this? Yeah! Okay. Well, I'll make sure to buy extra next time for you. All right, cool. Hey, I got to run. I got to go do a thing. So, I'll see you guys. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You're not going anywhere, young man. It's Sunday. You know what that means? Family time, and we're all playing board games! But... Hmm. Mmm? Oh, man. Mom, seriously, every turn? Hey, back off! Ooh! No. Okay! Family time is over. It is now personal time. I'll be in my room. Okay, dear. Have fun. I knew I could break her. Go. Huh? Go see him! Oh, yeah! You rule! Thank you, Grammy. Whoa! Hey! Ted, right? Um, Mr. O'Hare? So, I hear you have become interested in trees. What's that all about? Oh. Um... Where did you hear that? Oh. Teddy, there's not much that goes on in Thneedville that I don't know about. Here's the deal, I make a living selling fresh air to people. Trees? They make it for free. So, when I hear people talking about them, I consider it kind of a threat to my business. I don't even know what you're talking about. You listen to me, boy. Don't go poking around in things you don't understand or I'll be your worst nightmare. I'm Frankenstein's head on a spider's body! Yeah, um... Okay, my mom is expecting me. So, I'm just going to... Of course, of course. Now, go back to your family game time. Grandma just finished her turn. How did you know? Please. I have eyes everywhere. Huh! You got a beautiful town here, Ted. Lots of fun stuff to occupy your short attention span. Why, I can't think of any reason you would ever want to go outside of town again. Ever. Okay! Good talk. Really good talk. Oh, no. Look out! Hey, man? You know, you need to change that door bell. Oh, you missed me. What? You're already back. Clearly, you missed me a little. Right? No, I didn't. I'm just here to hear the end of the story. Why are you so interested in trees anyway? Why aren't you like other kids, break dancing and wearing bell-bottoms, and playing the Donkey Kongs? Yeah, right, right. I don't know. Uh, I just thought it would be kind of cool to have one, you know? Huh? It's a girl, isn't it? What? No! Really? Because when a guy does something stupid once, well, that's because he's a guy. But if he does the same stupid thing twice, it's usually to impress some girl. Hey, she is not some girl! She's a woman, in high school. And she loves trees. And I'm going to get her one. Aw! How nice to see someone so undeterred by things like reality. Thank you. All right, but where did we leave off? Now that's a Thneed. Nothing unmanly about knitting. No, sir. Look at that... Oh! Who taught you guys how to steal a bed? Shh! Okay, nice and easy. Nice work, you guys. Couldn't have done it without you. You got to be kidding me. Can he swim? Of course he can't swim! Hang on, Pipsqueak! I'm coming to get you! Hey, you fishies! Stop that bed! Whoo! Whoo! Jump, jump! Come on, get up there. Come on. Go, go! A little bit more! A little bit more! Now what? Mmm-mmm. Get up there. Okay, Pipsqueak, give me your hand. Come on, reach out for the Lorax. Where did you go? Bar-ba-loots. Oh, that's bad. Hey, Beanpole, wake up! What's happening? Where am I? Hey! We got trouble, and it's coming up fast! Whoo! We're in a river! Whew! Oh, no. Just do something! Help is on the way! No, no! Just a minute! Oh, no! Wake up! Wake up! Yuck! Clear! Ah! I was heading into the light, and you pulled me right back and here I am! You saved my life! Yeah, I know. Well, no, it's not that big a deal. It is a big deal! Look, I almost went over that waterfall! Wait... On my bed. How did my bed get in the river? Uh... About that... Actually... I put your bed in the water. I didn't mean you any harm. I just wanted to calmly float you away. Look, everyone here needs the trees and you're chopping them down! So, we've got a big problem. All right, look. I hereby swear that I will never chop down another tree. I promise. Thank you. But I'm going to keep my eye on you. Good. Now, I've got a big day tomorrow so I'm going to get some sleep. Right after I find my bed. Ow! Okay, what are you... Question, what are they doing here? And follow up, if I may, what are you doing here? Well, after the incident last night, we found one of your socks and came here to return it. But when we got here, you were asleep. What? Ew! Exactly. And sleeping is the body's way of telling other people to go away. I know, but you looked so cozy. And it was cold outside, and we just fell asleep. No harm done. "No harm done"? "No harm done"? Okay. Okay, I put my lips on those. Well, I used to, anyway. Ew. Did you just... In my bowl! Why do you have one of these? You don't even have a mustache. Okay, that's it! What? I thought we made a deal last night. Yes, we did. And I said I wouldn't chop down any more trees. And I said I was going to keep an eye on you. I'm starving. What's for breakfast? Breakfast is overrated. You know what? I got work to do. Yeah. I got to go into town and sell my Thneed. You chopped down one of my trees to make that piece of garbage? Look at that... "Garbage"? Oh, no. Oh, no! You do not get it. This is a revolutionary product that will change the world as we know it. It has a million uses! Look at this. It's a swimsuit! Mud tracked all over your floor by uninvited guests? Well, the Thneed sure comes in handy for that! But wait, there's more! Thanks to its all-natural microfibers, the Thneed is super-absorbent! It also works as a hat. Of course, you probably want to wring it out first. Go ahead, knock yourself out. But nobody is going to buy that thing. Good to know. Well, fortunately, you are not the target market, weirdo. You're bringing a guitar? Oh, yeah. I got a little jingle. I'm gonna blow some minds, gonna sell some Thneeds! Yeah. Everybody needs a Thneed A fine thing that all people... Sit down, go on. Unfortunately, I didn't sell it the first day. The Thneed is good The Thneed is great... Hey! Or the second day. Hey! Or the third, or fourth, or fifth day. Okay, that one hit the tender spot. Until finally... That's it! You know what? I'm done with this thing. Aw. My family was right. I quit! Hey. Cool hat. Oh, my gosh! I totally want one. That thing makes me like you more. Hey! Where's your Thneed, did you sell it? Hey. No, no. Didn't sell it. Turns out, it's ahead of its time, I guess. Hey, you gave it your best shot. Right? What more can you do? Come on, take a seat, we'll deal you in. What are we playing? I'm playing poker. He's playing Go Fish. And I think he's hungry. Oh. Pancake, the pancake Up! Who is up for ninths? Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Whoa! All right, pass them over. Yeah, see? What's going on? Oh, no. That's a lot of people. Everybody needs a Thneed A fine thing that all people need The Thneed is good The Thneed is great Let's hope we're not too late It's a super trendy hat It's a tightrope for an acrobat A net for catching butterflies A thing we use for exercise Everybody needs a Thneed A fine thing that all people need Everybody needs a Thneed Oh, yeah! We're in business, baby! We need a Thneed Mom? Hey, it's me! I told you I was going to be a success! You need to bring the whole family here right now. We're going to be rich! What? I'm going to need all the help I can get. Don't worry. So, has he told you how to get a tree yet? Actually, no. But I think he's going to get to that part really soon. Here we are. What? I'll just be a minute. Oh, wow. Hey, Audrey! Oh, hi, Ted! What's up? You know me, just cruising. Putting out the vibe. Just me and my thoughts. Oh, is this the girl you're always talking about? Grandma! Stop making things up. She's even prettier than... Okay, got to run! Bye. Okay, Grammy, let's get you home! Yeah! Whoa! I'm so sorry. So sorry. Did not wanna see that. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa-ho-ho! Hey! Hey, I'm back. What have you got there? Yes! Whoa! Thank you, Ted. Now, picture this. Sun shining, a blue sky, a perfect day. It was all downhill from there. Whoa! What a dump. Hey, Aunt Grizelda! Hey, Chet, check this out! Go long! No, Brett, that's actually not a... Okay. Go long! Go long! I got it! I got it! Got it! He totally ran into that tree! Ow! Oncie, is that you? Mom! There he is! There's my big, suddenly successful son! We always knew you would make it, Oncie. Right? Hey! I love this guy! But you always said I wouldn't amount to anything, remember? Hush your mouth. I was just trying to motivate you! I am really glad that you clarified that because it actually hurt my feelings for a really long time. Anyway, you're all here, you all work for me, and that's cool. So, let's get to work. Brett, Chet, set up the RV! Would you stop throwing that bear? Time out. Back up. Stop. Don't move an inch. Nobody's moving in here. You got to go. Goodbye. So, who invited the giant, furry peanut? You calling me a peanut, huh? I'll go right up your nose! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You wouldn't hit a woman. That's a woman? Okay. Everyone, cool it. Let's not get off on the wrong foot here. Um, family, this is my friend... Acquaintance. Yeah, acquaintance. Very good acquaintance, the Lorax. He speaks for the trees. That's right. And on behalf of the trees, get out! Will you just be nice! This is my family. And I'm going to need their help if my company is going to get bigger. Okay? Bigger? Yeah, this isn't some rinky-dink operation anymore. I got plans. Big plans! A vision of a world filled with Thneeds. It's going to be huge! Which way does a tree fall? Uh, down? A tree falls the way it leans. Be careful which way you lean. I mean, look at this. It's amazing. I am so proud of me. Oncie, we've got us a little problem. Problem? Mmm-hmm. See, we're not making Thneeds fast enough. Harvesting the tufts takes too long! Well, what else can we do? Well, and this just came to me, we could always start chopping down the trees. What? Now you're thinking. That would speed things up! But... No "but" s, Oncie. You're running a business now. You have to do what's best for the company, and your momma. Well, I guess it couldn't hurt to chop down a few trees. You've made me so proud, Oncie. Come here! Hey! I love this guy! No! No, no, no! Stop it! Please, stop. Take that, you stupid tree! Where do you think you're going? Excuse me, sir. I need to talk with your boss. Oh, I'm sorry, but Mr. Once-ler's not seeing anyone right now. Yeah, well, he'll see me. So... Hey, keep your paws off me! Give me a reason, Shorty. Hey, you broke your promise. You're better than this. You gotta stop! This is bad! Have a nice day! Bad? I'm not bad, I'm the good guy here. He just doesn't get it. Do you think I'm bad? Thank you! I mean, something good finally happens to me, and he just has to come along and rain on my parade. What's his problem? See? Yeah, bad! Right. How bad can I be? I'm just doin' what comes naturally How bad can I be? I'm just following my destiny How bad can I be? I'm just doin' what comes naturally How bad can I be? How bad can I possibly be? Well, there's a principle in nature Principle in nature That almost every creature knows Called survival of the fittest Survival of the fittest And check it, this is how it goes The animal that wins gotta scratch and fight And claw and bite and punch And the animal that doesn't Well, the animal that doesn't Winds up someone else's La-la-la-la lunch Munch, munch, munch, munch, munch I'm just sayin' How bad can I be? I'm just doin' what comes naturally How bad can I be? I'm just following my destiny How bad can I be? I'm just doin' what comes naturally How bad can I be? How bad can I possibly be? There's a principle in business Principle in business That everybody knows is sound It says the people with the money People with the money Make this ever-loving world go round So I'm biggering my company I'm biggering my factory I'm biggering my corporate sign Bigger, bigger! Everybody out there You take care of yours I'll take care of mine-mine-mine-mine-mine Shake that bottom line Let me hear you say Smogulous Smoke! Smogulous Smoke! Schloppity-Schlopp! Complain all you want It's never, ever, ever, ever gonna stop Stop! Come on, how bad can I possibly be? How bad can I be? I'm just building the economy How bad can I be? Just look at me petting this puppy How bad can I be? A portion of proceeds goes to charity How bad can I be? How bad could I possibly be? Let's see! All the customers are buying And the money's multiplying And the PR people are lying And the lawyers are denying Who cares if a few trees are dying? This is all so gratifying! How bad? How bad can this possibly be? So, how are things? What are you doing here? Happy yet? You fill that hole deep down inside you? Or do you still need more? Look, if you've got a problem with what I'm doing, why haven't you used your quote-unquote powers to stop me? I told you, that's not how it works. Right, I forgot. You're a fraud. I need you to get out. Now! Why? Do I make you uncomfortable? Remind you of the promises you made? The man you used to be? You know what? You can just shut your mustache. My conscience is clear. I have done nothing illegal. I have my rights, and I intend to keep on biggering and biggering, and turning more Truffula trees into Thneeds. And nothing is going to stop me! Well, that's it. The very last one. That may stop you. Somebody sure made a bundle on that thing. I wonder what the next million dollar invention's going to be. Yeah, I wonder... Son, you have let me down. Brett, you are now my favorite child. Hey, look, I don't want any trouble. And you won't get any. Not from them. Thanks to you and your hacking, and smogging and glupping, they can't live here anymore. So, I'm sending them off. Hopefully, they'll be able to find a better place out there somewhere. Melvin? Melvin... Hey, Pipsqueak... Hey... So, this is really all your fault. You destroyed everything. Yes. And each day since the Lorax left, I've sat here regretting everything I've done, staring at that word, "unless," and wondering what it meant. But now I'm thinking... Well, maybe you're the reason the Lorax left that word there. Me? Why would he leave that for me? Because unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not. The last Truffula seed. You need to plant it, Ted. Yeah, but, nobody cares about trees anymore. Then make them care. Plant the seed in the middle of town, where everyone can see. Change the way things are. I know it may seem small and insignificant, but it's not about what it is, it's about what it can become. That's not just a seed, any more than you're just a boy. I won't let you down. I know. Hey, Audrey! Audrey! Ted? What are you doing? Meet me at my house. Wait, but... My house, okay? Got to plant the seed. Okay, we're going to need water. And uh, something to dig with. Um, what do I have... Ted? Mom, I'm busy, Mom. Theodore Wiggins, get down here right now, and I am not kidding with you! Ted, I would like you to meet Mr. O'Hare, the most powerful man in town. There he is! Hello, Ted. Uh... Hi. Isn't he clever, Mr. O'Hare? He knows his own name and everything. You know what I would love right now, Mrs. Wiggins? A delicious cookie. Wonderful. Teddy and I'll stay here and talk. Sure, why don't you go ahead and adopt him? I'm just kidding. That was a joke. I was just joking. I'll get your cookie. I know you have it, Ted. So, let's put an end to this nonsense, shall we? Hand it over. I'm sorry... I don't know what you're talking about. Really? Well, then... I guess you wouldn't mind us checking your room. No, no, no! Morty! McGurk! Find the seed! No, you can't go up there! Guys, this is ridiculous. Stop! Hey! No, you can't come in my room! Find it! Find it! What is going on here? This doesn't involve you! Get back downstairs! Excuse me, down there! I don't care who you are, you little crazy baby-man! Get out of my house now. This is outrageous. Fine. Sorry. Must have been a misunderstanding. We'll be leaving now. And my apologies, Ted. You be safe. Mind telling me what's going on here? The seed! Where is it? Seed? Where's Grammy? It's alive! I remember you. Ted, what... Audrey! Hey, did you want to... Well, okay! Ted, what is this about? It's about this. Wait, wait, wait. Is that... Yes. The last Truffula seed. And you're going to help me plant it right in the middle of town where everyone can see it. I could just kiss you right now! We don't have time for that. I don't know, we have a little time. But, you know what, let's just go. Let's go. Forget about it. Maniac! Hey! Ah! Here it comes! I'm going for it. Oh, hello! Ted, big scary blimp coming. Whoa! You won't get away with this, boy! Bam! Go faster, you idiot! Yeah! Step on it, Ted! Whoa! You're fired! Whoa! Ted, look out! Nobody beats Aloysius O... Ted... This is not good. How's it doing? Whoa-ho-ho! Loser! Oh, really? Oh, no. The seed! Get that seed! Hang on! Here we go! Grammy! Seriously, how cool is your grandma? No! Come on! Yeah, that's right. There it is! Hey! Watch the road, you meathead! Ah! Hey, ow, ow! Oh, come on! What the... Get it unstuck, get it unstuck! Bring it on, Teddy! You don't have the guts! Ted! Grammy! Whoo-hoo! Yes! Hey, hey, hey! Hey! It's Mr. O... Take that, shorty! Okay, we have to get this in the ground. But where? There's no dirt anywhere. No, Grammy... Hey, get out of there! Ah! Hey! What? See, what did I tell you? Easy. Huh? Hey, they broke O'Hare's head! What do you think you're doing, kid? Um, I'm looking for a place to plant a tree. A real one. Why would we need a tree? Exactly. Oh, man. Folks... The last thing you want around here is trees. They're filthy! Spewing that sticky, nasty sap all over the place. They bring poisonous ants and stinging bees. Hey! Ouch. Think about the kids. And, I just thought, you know, they make leaves! You know that, right? Then these leaves, they just fall. They just fall wherever they want! Come on! We know why you're really against trees. Because they produce fresh air. For free! Oh! I am wounded! You have lied! It is not a lie! It's called photosynthesis. Come on. She's making that up! That's a made-up word, people! Thneedville is perfect just the way it is. We don't need trees! That boy has a seed. We need to stop him! Who's with me? Come on! O'Hare is right! Seeds will ruin us all! Stop it! Last chance, kid. Hand it over! Where do you think you're going? Come on, let's go! Get in, get in! Hey! Stop that maniac! Excuse me, excuse me. Watch out! Ted, you're going to hit the wall! Yeah. I know. Wow. Did you see that? Who does this kid think he is, huh? I am Ted Wiggins. And I speak for the trees. And the fact is, things aren't perfect here in Thneedville. And they're only going to get worse, unless we do something about it, unless we change our ways. And we can start by planting this! Okay. Come on, now. Everything is fine. Right? I say we tell this kid what we think about that seed! People, come on! You! Get out there right now and get these people on my side, or else you're fired! Go on, tell them what you think. You don't know me, but my name's Cy I'm just the O'Hare delivery guy But it seems like trees might be worth a try So I say let it grow My name is Dan And my name's Rose Our son Wesley kind of glows And that's not good, so we suppose We should let it grow Let it grow, let it grow You can't reap what you don't sow Plant a seed inside the Earth Just one way to know its worth Let's celebrate the world's rebirth We say let it grow My name's Marie, and I am three! I would really like to see a tree I say let it grow I'm Grammy Norma I'm old, and I've got gray hair But I remember when trees were everywhere And no one had to pay for air So I say let it grow Let it grow, let it grow Like it did so long ago It is just one tiny seed But it's all we really need It's time to change the life we lead Time to let it grow My name's O'Hare, I'm one of you I live here in Thneedville, too The things you say just might be true It could be time to start anew And maybe change my point of view Nah! I say let it die! Let it die, let it die Let it shrivel up and... Come on, who's with me? Nobody. You greedy dirt-bag! Let it grow, let it grow Let the love inside you show Plant a seed inside the Earth Just one way to know its worth Let's celebrate the world's rebirth We say let it grow Let it grow, let it grow You can't reap what you don't sow It's just one tiny seed But it's all we really need It's time to banish all your greed Imagine Thneedville flowered and treed Let this be our solemn creed Thank you, Ted. We say let it grow In Thneedville We say let it grow It's a brand new dawn We say let it grow In Thneedville We say let it grow It's a brand new dawn You done good, Beanpole. You done good. By the way, nice mustache.