#we were high school bffs that did not survive college and it hurts but also (like in regards to shit like this about food) maybe good lol

[crazy-loca-blog]

Personal thoughts on Open Heart, Book 2

Note: As the title says, these are just personal opinions on Choices books and chapters. Of course, you may agree or disagree with them, I only use this platform to express my thoughts on what I read every week and what I’d like to see in the next chapters, because none of my friends play Choices so I have no one to comment the books with.

It’s been a while since I started writing this post, I actually remember saying I would post it months ago. But then things escalated in such a negative way between some people, that I said “well, maybe it’s not the best moment to post this”. So now that the book will be back, I thought it might be a good time to revisit it.

Of course, as this was written before the second hiatus, it’s been done with the original plot in mind, and I don’t read spoilers and the book is supposedly being rewritten, it may be full of mistakes… it just took me so long to write it, that I don’t want it to go to waste! hahaha

I’ve read a lot of people complaining about the plot of Open Heart 2 being all over the place, and some people are worried about the “too many subplots” this book has. Well, sure, there might be A LOT going on in this book, but when you analyze what almost every character is going through (emphasis in “almost”), you’ll realize that they all have one thing in common: they’re all dealing with their past. Also, with a third book confirmed, I don’t think everything is going to find its closure in Book 2. But let’s analyze our gang (they are in alphabetic order, as usual):

Aurora Emery: This girl is so damaged that it hurts. She certainly had trust issues during college and she’s reliving them all over again. Of course, being Harper Emery’s niece is not easy when you go to medical school and become a doctor. Not only people have high expectations on your performance, they also want to be friends with you and you just don’t know if it’s because of your aunt or because they genuinely care about you. Tobias is not making things easier for her either (I’m so ready to punch this guy if he hurts her!), and our MC has been an ass to her lately as well. She truly needs to know there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I’m so waiting for the MC to have a chance to apologize because what they did was the stupidest thing I’ve seen them do so far.

Bryce Lahela: Even though I’m in love with this guy (I always say he’d be my BFF in real life), we knew since day 1 that he was hiding something. Well, it took us over a book to discover that his family has a very, very shady past that ended up affecting not only Bryce, but also his little sister Keiki. Of course, discovering that your parents are criminals when you’re a teenager mustn’t be easy, and Keiki escaping because she’s basically living the same hell as Bryce went through in the past has only made him relive some old feelings that he wanted to be forgotten. Now that the cat is out of the bag, I can only think of some healing process for him that will probably not have its closure in Book 2, but in Book 3.

Elijah Green: Our boy Elijah has always declared himself a “nerd”. So, it doesn’t surprise me at all the fact that he had problems making friends while growing up. Also, due to his condition and what we know about his past, I bet his parents were super overprotective, making things harder for him. That’s why he is having a hard time when trying to keep boundaries with Sothy, his intern. It doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be friends, not at all (not only Ines and Zaid consider the MC “a friend”, but my MC is romancing Ethan, soo…). But he certainly tries too hard to be accepted (and not judged) by his intern, to the point that it becomes a risk for them as doctors.  

Esme Ortega: Our new intern looks like she’s a tough girl, but it only took us one diamond scene to discover what’s behind her attitude. Her life has been hard and she’s basically facing the world alone since she was 14. Even though this apparently was a topic that was addressed and solved in the same scene, it’s very clear that she sees herself in her teen patient with leukemia. It’s very possible that her parents never told her that they were illegal immigrants, so she can’t stand lying to that kid. She knows how it feels. She knows he’s not a kid anymore and that his parents lying to him will only cause pain in the future. Hopefully we’ll be able to go deeper in her background during the rest of Book 2 or in Book 3.

Ethan Ramsey: Ethan is facing not only one, but two conflicts. The first one is a personal one: his mom left him and Alan (his dad) 25 years ago. Now she is suddenly back in their lives for some reason that we still need to figure out. Ethan believes she’s back because she needs money, and he might be right. There is also this idea that she’s actually sick and she needs Ethan’s help. This could also be pretty accurate. I actually think it’s something in between (maybe some stepbrother or stepsister he doesn’t know about needs medical care but they can’t afford it). The other one is professional: with the money problems in Edenbrook, he’s feeling all the pressure of having to make a choice between attending rich people who can afford their full treatments and being loyal to Naveen’s original purpose when he created the team (that is, to care about people who can’t afford their treatments). My thought is that, in the end, both his family issues and his career in the diagnostics team will be crossed and that this will become a turning point in the book (because yes, we still don’t have that “huge case” as we did have with Naveen’s case in Book 1).

Jackie Varma: Jackie’s issue actually hits home. College debts are a huge issue in my country, and I can tell almost every single one of my classmates is facing them now, even though we graduated a long time ago. It’s pretty common to see families struggling to help their kids to attend university and you can’t imagine how grateful I am that my hard work paid off and got me a scholarship that relieved that burden at home. So I can totally see Jackie in this situation: coming from a low income family who didn’t only become a doctor because she loves it, but also because she saw it as a chance to give her family a better life… and this isn’t happening right now. But she is actually doing something about it already, so she’ll probably be the first one to have her “burden from the past issue” solved, she just seems to need that raise that all residents are supposed to get… at least for now.

Rafael Aveiro: Our Rafael (who’s not going to die and who still is a LI in my opinion) surprised us when he introduced us to his significant other, Sora. I mean… what happened in that two-month period between Book 1 and Book 2? This is one of those times when I desperately need a diamond scene for him to explain everything. Because it doesn’t matter if he is your LI or not, he doesn’t seem convinced about this “new” relationship and you can’t change my mind. Also, the fact that he’s been taking more risks than usual is giving me some weird vibes (maybe he’s depressed and he’s been hiding it?). I’m pretty sure there’s something we don’t know yet… and I’m pretty sure that his conflict at the end of the book (if he is your LI) will be to decide between “staying in the past” (with Sora) and “moving into the future” (with the MC).

Sienna Trinh: Our sweetheart has had little screen time in this book, but that time has been enough to realize she’s having some serious issues, to the point that some people think she’s the one who’ll be dying because of how depressed she shows herself. We all remember that Sienna used to have a boyfriend certain specimen in her life, and how she dumped him in Book 1. Well, toxic relationships are not limited to love life, and that’s the case with her. She’s been repeating all the same patterns with her new resident, Mitch. He manipulates her and he’s basically abusing of her good will… just like certain ***hole she used to date it in the past.

Kyra Santana: I did leave Kyra for the end on purpose. Since the end of Book 1 I’ve been saying that she has to die at some point of the series, basically because we must be realistic here guys and we can’t be in denial: no matter how much we love her, our girl only has 10% chances of surviving cancer and before the hiatus, things were getting worse for her. Based on this… have you noticed how Kyra is the only character in the series (besides our MC) who’s not carrying some burden from her past? Instead, she just lives the present and she barely mentions her future, except in two cases: when she’s talking to the MC about her job interview, and when she says that her treatment “soon will be over”. To me, THIS SPEAK VOLUMES, GUYS!

[empty-dream]

Just watched 13 Reasons Why S4

Ended up making a full blown commentary per episode because this is finally the last season and I’ve been enjoying this mess since S1. I even forgot that it was released until a friend brought it up to me. So in short,

Ep1

OKAY WHO DIES AGAIN HUH??

Clay, narrating: *I'm good at hiding shits so my parents don't notice at all." His parents: *concernedly looking at him pale and mushing food on the dining table*

The concequences of investigating murder cases and creating conspiracies instead of studying your ass off because it's a damn school really caught up huh.

Charlie holy shit I love you he's so chill and good.

It's been years I still can't believe Justin is really adopted by the Jensens. Funny that now the table is reversed, with Justin finally actually doing better and taking care of the increasingly-ill Clay.

SCOTT!! OH MY GOD! SCOTT REED!! OH MY FUCKING GOD!! AAAAAAAAAAAAA HOLY SHIIITTTTTTTTT AAAAAAAAA!!!

Wow my headcanon is approved, he already graduated by S3. No reason he didn't hang out with the gang after all the shits in S2 if he was no longer around in the first place.

He's still so nice even in Clay's trippy nightmare. Is that what Clay remembers about him? Well not really surprising, considering Scott actually was worried about him in S2.

Good god finally Clay meets a therapist- Wait a minute that's the guy from CSI:NY?!?! Isn't Clay just gonna get clobbered instead.

Okay I knew they are really close and I do adore their relationship so much but HOLY SHIT THEY ACTUALLY GO AT IT WITH ALEX AND ZACH???

Alex: *panicking over the kiss* Zach: Ayy don't worry let's just continue perhaps-suicidally hanging out on dangerous rooftops that you were almost fall to your death from. Alex: ????

Ep2

That narration of Clay ranting about college applications. I'll drink to that bruh.

Ya I too make my applications and other supposedly important matters at 3AM instead of any other more sensible time.

Oh my fucking god that is the creepiest smile I've ever see.

I feel like as Justin gets better and better with his life, Clay goes worse.

Justin is so excited about going to college! You deserve the future man. 

The old-time stoners and drunkards are rehabbed or dead. Enter Zach.

Winston: *eyes and ears up to your shit 24/7*

Nobody likes Tyler in S1 but now everybody likes him.

Okay. Cops doing shit jobs at protecting. This feels too real with this situation right now.

Clay's adventure to put the trash into the trash bin.

Omg they got the paint to the lab this is going real CSI.

Idk about u but at this point I don't exactly want to pay attention to Jessica/Justin problems anymore.

I know Zach and Clay don't get along and that's why I need their adventure together.

Clay drunk-puking on Justin. Well well well how the turntables.

The return of Monet!!

"I have 2.8. If I work hard, I'll get 2.9" Winston omg same.

Tht held gaze between Alex and Winston.. Is this slow burn fanfiction???????

Yes Mr. CSI it will definitely get worse.

I know writing about your feelings can make you feel better but probably not in your college essay form.

Ep3

I'm starting to think Clay is the one who dies in the end? Idk tho.

I guess the toll of busting ass trying to save everyone by yourself is catastrophically high, huh, Clay? Funny that he now goes from 100 in S3 to 0 in here and that's actually realistic.

Alex and Winston are really pining each other with Zach in the background lmao.

"You don't wanna go on the Valentine Dance with me? Even as friends?" Well sometimes there are moments when you just don't go back to being friends. It's an actual normal thing.

And besides the last time Alex goes with Jess for something she wanna do, he ends up murdering somebody. So.

"Hey Zach. Hey punch me. Hey you pussy now? Hey hey. Bitch." *poke* *poke* *poke*

No Zach he's trying to save all of your asses. You can't just say that.

Charlie is really just there trying to do his best in this shitshow and like Justin I wanna laugh but also am proud.

Everyone: *being paranoid and unto each other* Alex and Winston: *having the date of their life*

I wish everyone doesn't have this level of trust issues but then again we won't have a shitstorm drama like this.

When did this become "what is love?" philosophy class?

"You know love but you love so fiercely and sometimes it hurts."Wow Mr. CSI you hit the mark.

How many parties can the Liberty High hold in a year?

"You go with Charlie to get back to Justin, right?" Wow Diego you HIT the mark.

I still have problems with Ani as a character, but I do like her casual banters with Clay.

You know, with all these trust issues, I'm surprised nobody actually tries to peek on other's phone. Like, I know that's low. But, you know, faster solution. And better than having mass hallucinations.

Oh God the football team really is a bunch of jerks. Good fucking thing Scott is outta here.

Alex and Winston almost die like couples in a cheap slasher movie.

"Fuck Love." Clay Jensen, 2019 (according to the movie timeline)

Ep4

Why is Charlie talking? Why is he wearing the football jersey? Who on earth dies?? Is it Zach? Justin? Somebody else from the football team? But the content of your speech man...

Ah yeah. Clay did survive a great big deal of many ugly shits. Single-handedly thanks to adrenaline, mostly.

Jess got a point tho. Ani could have followed Clay to stop him, by herself or with the gang. What did she do? She spied on Winston and Alex, and then went back to the dance. So much for handling anything themselves.

Or maybe, the gang shouldn't have let Ani and Clay take care of it themselves.

Does anybody in this show ever figure out Clay has dead people hallucinations?

Domestic Jensen family is my everything.

Charlie really out there bribing Zach with his homemade cookies I-

Ah yeah, I kinda forgot that in reality Alex and Winston have a really difficult situation. With Bryce and Monty stuff.

"Looking back on your time at Liberty, do you have any regrets?" Really? Isn't that all they have?

"Who do you trust most in your life and why?" Everybody: *immediately side-eyeing each other*

Clay c'mon wtf Justin is really just worried sick and trying to help you. Aaand he's gone.

Jess you don't put your hands into something without checking it first...

Why would you only send 2 adults to supervise 30-50 kids on a camping wildlife trip? They wouldn't be able to do shit.

"I thought you were a football player!" "I AM a football player! And so are YOU!" Gold.

Dream!Monty and Dream!Clay really sit like that and I almost laugh were it not for the fact that I do that too. It's strange to see that for once, they talk normally, heart-to-heart, without the usual snickering, chiding, all that venom.

Oh shit they really make Monty and Clay mirror each other like that. They both protect people they love but have tendencies to snap, one way or another.

Zach, dude, I know you've been a real good friend. But Alex almost died. Twice. Because of your drunken ways. And you laughed. Didn't you spend an entire season trying hard to not let him die again? What's wrong with you?

When did this become a horror movie?

The Standalls :((

CHARLIE MY MAN WITH HIS COOKIES. And incidentally, a wild Zach appears.

"So are we gonna fall apart or trust each other now!" Justin my man.

Clay dude that would have been an amazing entrance were it not for the fact you looked insane.

I can't fucking believe they just go normally at campfire like that. Two people almost died. Several got beaten. What the fuck.

Does it come from the bottom of your heart or it doubles as a threat, Clay?

Alex you had us at the first half not gonna lie.

GR A NO LA CA MP C O OKIES? ??

Wait. So who has been fucking around with the football team? Who moved Clay?? Huh??

Ep5

GUYS THERE IS A THING CALLED GPS ON THE PHONE?? What are you? 3?

Justin finally breaking down after 5 episodes being the most decent and healthy person around. Well Charlie is too but he's new, so.

Finally an obligatory meeting at Monet.

CYRUS AND THE PUNK GANG!!! God I love you guys where have you been. And you guys are computer geeks?!?!?! Perfect.

My question exactly, Clay. Good replies tho, Cy.

I'm still thinking how for a nerd, Clay knows A LOT of people and knows who to ask what.

"How am I even friends with you?" Ya Alex that's my question too. How are you suddenly bff with Zach? I don't remember you two being close in S1?

Hm. If you aren't holding his family at stake, there is no way Tony would even think to rat out.

Mr. CSI starts going CSI on Clay.

I almost forgot Charlie's last name is St. George. The cast goes by Charlie mostly so.

Justin really shows up at the party with the angry mom pose and disappointed look at Clay. The turntable, people. Flynn's voice got raspy.

Oh no no Clay you don't go there. Please don't split my Jensen-Foley brothers like that. Meanwhile the punk gang be like just watching there.

C O O KI E S??? Goddamn Charlie do you bring cookies everywhere you go??

Charlie my boy you T_T I was kinda suprised that the cookie baking actually had a sad backstory.

Clay-Zach bonding that I fucking wish for oh yeah. I definitely didn't expect it with piano and drunk singing tho.

While Clay is having the time of his life, Tony is seeing life flashes in his eyes.

Yassss he winssss!!!!

Caleb's expression when the sherrif hugs him lmfao

Nice try Sherrif but Tony knows your tricks.

"What of any of this is okay?" Wow things you'd never hear Justin says in S1.

Meanwhile, Charlie and Alex are high on weed cookies as fuck. Their conversation is the most interesting thing I've seen beside the Scott cameo till now.

The look on Justin's face when Clay pushes him :((

MY DUDES HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN ABOUT JEFF'S DEATH? WHAT HE WAS ACCUSED FOR?! You do not, under any circumstances, drive drunk.

Ep6

Clay be spitting truth.

They really be discussing Clay's chronic hero syndrome huh.

Okay. Operation Clay-Zach failed.

Weren't Zach all fuck it all yeah! kinda guy? Guess when you are the one who faces death it's not that fun anymore huh.

"One Clay Jensen is enough" Jess truth.

Do Alex and Charlie really study Spanish in front of Tony who is not helping at all? That would be embarrassing lmao.

Clay: Fuck off. Hallucination!Monty: *sits next to him*

Gotta hand it to Timothy Granaderos. He could go venomous to puppy eyed in 1 second. Amazing.

Man. School shootings are fucked up. There are many things I wonder about mankind and one of them is why is school shooting even possible?

Hallucination!Bryce: Hi I’m sorry I’m late. I hear this is time for Clay’s dead people hallucination party.

"Are you a hero or a martyr?" Wow they really throw the question.

And here is Clay sitting under the desk between his two most hated dead people hallucinations whispering moral dilemmas to him.

Meanwhile Winston and Zach got high.

Charlie helping Alex to breath.

The talk with Estella and Tyler.

"No offense, you are cool, but I don't wanna die with you." Zach chill lmao.

Are.. Are you sure outing that to Winston is a good call, Zach? For a guy who was super paranoid that his gang would narc him, he sure is loose mouthed himself.

I like how everyone from Tyler to Zach to Winston, admits that Alex is a really kind guy.

Wow Tony did you really expect anyone could do anything in that situation, in fucking Evergreen situation, for that matter?

Charlie is a great friend wow.

Cl-CLAY DON'T GO OUT that is EXACTLY what you are NOT supposed to do!!!

Goddamnit Clay. Holy shit Clay. 

Dylan Minnette really worked hard in this scene.

.......... WAIT A MINUTE IT'S NOW ACTUALLY CHARLIE ALEX????? Tony be just walking in.

Ep7

Clay really got into a psych ward. Talk about darkest hour. And it’s only ep 6?

Wow Ty that's some brave lines.

Which hallucination-induced person is Clay talking to before Ani gets there?

Ok that therapy session made me tear up.

These kids are having college interviews at the worst time possible. They are all fucking breaking down one way or another.

And Charlie just, really never gives up on Alex huh.

What's most important to Clay is his friends. Real quick to answer that question huh.

God Justin lashing out at the Jensens. It's the first time he does it and it hurts.

Zach holy fuck. I appreciate you didn't out it but holy fuck you didn't have to do that are you trying to die

Clay-Tony combo is back baby I miss them so much. Although perhaps Tony you would mind a bit about Clay's health because clearly he was out of it.

This is so short. I too really don't like application essays and interviews and the inevitable revisit of the sadder parts of my life because of them.

Ep8

When did this become sci-fi apocalyptic story?

God I miss the time when Clay's dreams are just Inception-styled trippy shit with Scott randomly says hello and gets him water.

Okay. Everyone's got their own way to cope with existential and moral crisis huh.

You know what, I would like one movie out of this sci-fi dream.

I knew it Tyler was a bait to smoke out illegal gun dealers. Is that... An okay thing to do for a high schooler? Sounds fucked up, all things considered.

Yaaay Justin's got the college! I'm super happy!

Wow Estella good question.

Wow Tyler good statement. If they trust each other a bit more, everything would have been a bit better.

Ah shit. Justin relapses again.

Does Tony need to be pummelled first before he finally goes all off to finish his opponent or what?

Is this going Big Brother Is Watching

What the fuck. That locker fight scene is disgusting.

Jess and Clay might throw shades at each other but together they share one brain cell.

"I think it's a walkout, Sir" Tyler lmao

Wow Zach and Alex heart-to-heart.

Cyrus really steps on some pedestal to make his point.

Aaand Zach and Alex really go all out on "doing it right" huh.

They really have students vs cops riot at this time. Talk about timing.

It's nice to see the punk gang enjoying the fighting again.

Dude what happens if you don't have anything on your bag tho.

Aaaah the punk gang with Tyler again!!

"Why are you with me and not with Charlie?" Zach ouch that hurts.

Zach no no no Zach get out of there too Zach pls

Clay really becomes 2nd in command to Jess huh.

Charlie tries to save Clay but gets whacked on the head instead. 

Tony you came back!! Oh so that college scout was.. Oh.

Oh shit Clay. Oh. Shit. I should have realized that. Goddamn.

Ep9

"I like sleep." Charlie me too. 

God Alex and Charlie literally sleep together jaldjwaownaljewoalsj that some cute shit.

Wow Clay really takes Mr. CSI's advice to round up the gang and confesses. That's a step.

Charlie sometimes has a good idea, huh.

The Jensens meeting is probably the reason why the idea of parenthood scares me.

Also Clay and Justin really put the practice of "tell the parents the less-harsh-but-still-harsh truth, then ask them to get prom back" by the book. And it's awkward.

Aww Charlie coming out to his dad and the response he gets... When you put the rich fams like Dempseys, Walkers and Saint Georges together, the last one is really the only healthy one huh.

Way to go Jess!

Ah I forgot Alex has an older brother.

Aaaahhh Charlie has dinner with the Standalls! Their reaction is so sweet!

"Does he make you happy?" "Yeah. A lot." AHDKWJWOAKDUWLAOEL I mean after everything that has happened to Alex, man I am so happy he can say that with a fond smile.

WHAT THE FUCK HAHAHAHHA CHARLIE WHAT THE FUCK HOLY SHIT LMFAO I THOUGHT THIS WAS JUST AN TRIPPY ANIMATED IMAGINATION THING and Alex is so done with his extra shit.

Wow Ani you do karaoke good, asking Jess out even better.

OH MY GOD IT ESCALATED. Also Alex is right that one is creepy Charlie.

I thought by special doughnut Caleb means some diet-related stuff fit to Tony's menu for fighting. Why didn't I expect a literal Will You Go To Prom doughnuts?

CHARLIE PLEASE STOP AHAHAHAHA you dumb rich kid where did you get all those lamps and prop candles.

"Would you love me any less?" Aww Clay knows Justin loves him.

"You three all look adorable" Ya Jess, same.

Tony really out there doing the "I'm here because he's here" to Caleb.

Clay, Alex, and Charlie be like judging Zach hard.

Oh right that one kid from Cyrus's gang is gay and he brought his boyfriend!

Zach: You two sitting here like it's a funeral. Also Zach: *proceeds to continue sitting as well*

"We deserve to live." Finally something from Zach's mouth that I can agree for this season.

I love that Tony and Caleb are such good friends to Clay.

And now it's Winston turn for dead people hallucination.

..... The door to the other side again.. :'''((

CHARLIE AND ALEX WON THE PROM KINGS AAAAAAHHHHHH I mean with all those extra efforts, it'd be hard to not to. And there goes Alex finally giving in to dance.

I don't like Luke the football guy when he's the enemy but I like him when he's a friend. He's a hype man lmao.

Alex I'm so happy for you man. I'm glad you are finally happy. My heart was tight at the dance part .

Everyone: *dances* Clay: *sits there, monologuing philosophically*

I like that Clay and Ani finally being honest that they don't fit each other romantically. As romance goes there is not much romantic tension between them. And they have way too many flawed traits that when paired, would turn the relationship sour and possibly toxic in the end.

Justin do u like to show up and make everyone step aside for you or what.

I like that Clay was just watching from a distance. Then at last minute decided to join the crowd with his mother, whom he had a few trust issues with in all seasons.

Charlie: "Foundry's gay?!" Alex: "Mind's blown" Me: Same.

There has been nothing wrong going on in one episode, aside from the Zach one that's timely stopped by Charlie and Alex. I'm suspicious.

Ah. Yes. Of course.

Oh my god Justin's the one dead huh?

Ep10

Oh thank God he hasn't died. Yet.

Oh God Justin no. No no no.

Get your shit together Zach. Even Charlie tells you that.

No no no not like this not after everything oh god.

Somebody would you actually please run after Clay too.

Oh my god Clay.

Oh my god Alex you. Even when he admits it to Winston, he still covers for Jess. I- oh god.

It's been only 15 minutes and it hurts.

Charlie and Alex, the moms of the group.

You know, for a guy who says he doesn't love Justin, Alex gives a lot of shit about him. I guess you can still be around people you don't like?

I know the kiss is huge news Charlie but that's not the issue here lmao.

Zach: *hugs Clay* Clay: ????? Alex and Charlie: ?????? Zach: *pats Tyler's head* *leans on Clay*

The Padillas :''')

Clay Jensen. Class speaker. Wow.

Yeah Mr. CSI's voice is really calm, rather chilling, actually.

"You've looked at death too many times for a young person." Damn right Mr. Jensen.

Ah so that's the reason why Zach stole that letter. Makes sense, emotionally.

You know, I did say Idc anymore about Justin/Jessica problems but when it gets to this point, I can't not care.

So many people come to the hospital...

Clay and Justin's talk. I'm sorry I can't hold it in anymore. I'm fucking sobbing at this moment.

He's dead. He's dead. He's dead just like his mom. But he died not in the same way. He died holding his bro's hand. He died surrounded by his family. He died with people who loved him around.

"After everything, this is how it ends." Fucck

DID HE HAVE TO DIE??? DID JUSTIN FOLEY-JENSEN HAVE TO DIE?? Did you really have to put yet another sucker punch in the last episode of the season?? Yeah I know real kids and people do die from AIDS but really? After a whole season of Clay screaming kids wants to live to the point he lost his mind???

I spent the entire funeral screen crying. I couldn't even scream again when Scott is present in the funeral. I know he'd be there but god I can't right now.

Mr. CSI sure knows super effective ways to make Clay react.

"If Justin's dead, the none of the rest of it matters. " Clay..

He opens up.

Oh yeah I forgot Charlie is a junior.

AAAA COURTNEY AND RYAN ARE HERE!!! I MISS YOU GUYS!!!!!

SCOTTTTT!!!!!! And CHLOE TOO!! It’s nice that they come together. But they aren’t like, together, right? I mean if he is her boyfriend she would say his name right away to Zach instead of a mere ‘would you like to meet him? He’s outside.’

These 4 are such good friends to attend their friends’ graduation ceremony.

The punk guys in toga are so... Refreshing to look. Such hype men.

"It's easy to hate. It's easy to fear. It's goddamn hard to love. But it's not optional. It's essential." Jessica Davis, everybody.

Jeff, Hannah and Justin really died in the span of 2 years. Add to that is Bryce and Monty, whose deaths left uncountable traumas on top of existing traumas. Yeah. It was hellish time.

Scott’s proud small smile when Clay gives his speech. Im love.

"Choose to live. Even on the worst day, life is a pretty spectacular thing." Clay Jensen, everybody.

Ma boi Zach really teared up at Clay's speech. 

Luke and one of the punk kids talking about some geek thing I am not familiar with I-

“No offense Luke. You’ve got great arm but you haven’t been known for your brain.” PETER That BURNS LMAO

Poor Winston just being alone. OH HELLO RYAN YOU ARE FAST.

Zach is gonna study music! Nice foreshadowing since he plays a lot of music this season.

Clay having a gratitude moment with his parents and Scott be like munching cupcakes in the background.

Oh god Hannah ...

Wow the old tape gang is here!! The nostalgia hurts.

They bury the tapes on the same hill again asdfwosaiofai.

Kinda salty Sheri and Scott aren’t here. But then again I guess back then Scott was just helping Clay and co when he could and mostly minding his own business. HOWEVER isn’t Sheri like in the tape and pretty prominent too :(( Like she was really cool with Clay (despite the whole guilt over Jeff), tried to make amends and really helped with the polaroid cases.

Also you can't just insert Scott in Clay's dream and then not have them interact in the end. The dream was such a perfect bait. Like we know at least they apparently get along well.

Everything in Jessica’s final conversation with her Bryce hallucination. Everything in it.

Ryan: “Gordon Lightfoot?” Ha Ryan you miss a whole lot of drama.

Fuck I'm tearing up again at Justin's essay. He deadass makes an entire essay about Clay and how he is his savior I- 

Oh my god they end it exactly like S1 with Tony and Clay riding away. They are really each other’s ride or die.

That’s it. It’s over. It’s been a long trainwreck. So the 2019 class graduates, so does Justin, they are doing uni right now and keeping in touch with everyone. Bye.

[talonsandleaves]

2. Family: siblings and friends

Since that in my last post I talked about my parents (mostly my mom and a bit about my father), I guess it’s only fair to talk to you about the rest of my family and other people in my life. And yes, I am using The Lizzie Bennet Diaries to orientate myself through the first diary posts. I mean... it’s already hard as it is to reveal part of my life online but at least I am trying to cover some of the essentials right at the beginning.

And to be honest, that way, I can complain about people easily and you will have something to check every time you need to make sure who the hell am I talking about. Wow, I am being very sure that someone will actually spend their time reading my sort of diary... I don’t know. Maybe you find it interesting even though I am super shy!

And thanks to a friend of mine, I found the name I will use. My name is Nora and this is my family!

I am the oldest child. And a girl! What doom! Seriously! Just to be clear, I am a very typical girl with some nerdy hobbies. I was pretty smart in school and guess I still kind of am. I have my days and college is pretty tough... I love reading (lacking time to do so lately is another story), marvel movies, mythological creatures, long walks or go for a run and, I also have a serious crush on Ben Barnes since I was little (don’t judge me!).

I mentioned that I am an Engineering student but didn’t specify. I study Food Engineering. Long short story, I was aiming to study Nutrition but my grades were not as high as I needed so I found something similar to try and actually enjoyed it enough to have been studying it for the past 4 years of my life.

As I said, I am the oldest one and if you read my last entry, I have a brother. Yeah! A younger brother! I will call him, Lucas here. Although I can be sweet in order to please certain people and mean to protect myself from some commentaries, Lucas takes that game to a WHOLE new level! He is basically the perfect son! Although he pretty much ruined his score this year. Lucas is 19 and just got into Med School after spending a year studying to be a Vet and trying to raise his grades, he failed and got into a college far from home. His “girlfriend” got the highest score though and took his place by getting into his first option. I will go into detail about her later, but back to Lucas... He is the kind of kid who was very cute and polite but as soon as adolescence attacked him... Oh boy! He turned into this really snarky kid (not in a good way) with superiority complex which thinks being a Med student makes him better than the rest of us, mere mortals! Unfortunately, he is also my mom’s baby boy and she will protect him no matter what... even if it is from me.

We are currently not speaking and haven’t been for the past year almost. Weird I know but try to keep up. We used to accept each other at least until he got into a relationship with my ex-best friend. The girl I mentioned earlier? That’s her! Let’s call her Vicky! We were close and in a very toxic friendship. It took me the longest time to accept such thing and later had proof to show Lucas and prevent him from getting hurt... Did he listen to me? Hell, no! He actually helped Vicky upsetting me even though she distracted him enough to pass him in all classes. I am not speaking to her also although she still has her hands wrapped around my brother’s heart (and brain I guess).

Sorry, for the exposition and try not to get me wrong. I am all for my brother having a girlfriend! I mean, part of me loves Lucas. He is my baby brother still. But considering she was the main reason for us to stop talking and for him to lower his grades, I do not support him with her. Mostly because she made this happen and also because I would enjoy having some sort of relationship with my brother later on but until she stops being in the middle, that might take a long time. And also they barely knew each other and she was still dating when they got involved. Not the best start in my opinion.

And speaking of my ex-best friend... I should mention one of the best people in my life, greatest friend and part of my family in a very distant and confusing way: my cousin, Rose! She is like a best friend only better because we are kind of opposites I guess... Rose is exactly the same age as my brother but with a very different attitude towards life. She currently plays the role of my best friend in my life but poor her, she already has a best friend to keep her busy so let’s not give her the title of my BFF.

She is crazy, I am rational. She is dramatic as an artist, I am dramatic about life (just for fun of course). She doesn’t care what other people think, I tend to wonder about that a lot even though I mostly don’t mind. Opposites but always understanding each other. If only she was my younger sister...And I hope she is in my life to stay because there is no way I can survive without this lovely human.

And of course, there is my dog! A crazy beautiful German Shepherd named Alana. She is my best girl for sure! Keeping me company when I study, read and go for a run. I will talk about her a lot in the future! And about my grandma too. But this entry is already long as hell so I will mention her later as well as my father.

This is it for today. Family drama, love/hate-related issues and friendships! 

[blitzdrake]

Nerdy Men of Letters Dean AU....the SEQUEL  or should I say....PREQUEL (dun dun duuuuun)

So had another rush of ideas for the fun entirely in my head AU where Henry Winchester survives, was firing them off in PM’s to @mayalaen and @powerfulweak when Maya suggested I post it in a forum that could be forwarded to other fans of Nerdy MoL dean....so.....here we go. (First a shot of one of the inspiring picture that started it all.)   [stealth tagging @mashiarasdream to inform them of this WIP and the related link below for the father of this Wip head-cannon to fulfill my daily obligation to give them a fun story idea.]

And for those in the dark...This AU was an elaborate excuse to rerwrite Season 1 with Charlie and Castiel in it WAY sooner, and to put Dean in nerdy glasses as a MoL magic user (Charlie too).  The premise was Henry Winchester returns to his time surviving Abaddon and tries to avert the misfortune to befall his son, but fate (and possibly angels) keep interfering ensuring that Jon continues on the path that while it leads to Henry’s grandchildren, also leads to the death of Mary Campbell, and Jon’s short trip off the deep end.  Link Here 

The last batch of back and forths that result in Dean turning 28ish (or season 1 age I forget) and being initiated as a full Men of Letters with his BFF Charlie (Henry made the MoL America gender inclusive), only to panic worrying about his missing dad and sneaking off from the Bunker after using the MoL lore to forge a pact with a grumpy guardian angel Castiel to provide the muscle he fears he’ll need trying to track down his dad and win over the help of his brother Sam.  But I was admiring looking at old images of the guys in their early acting careers and though of a fun twist. 

So after Mary dies, and Daddy Winchester runs off, Dean is left with Henry, and of course goes into Dean Winchester latches-onto-and-over-emulates-a-parental-figure(tm), diving into being a good little MoL nerd.  Of course he rarely gets to leave the Bunker with how overprotective Grandpa Henry is.  And even worse, he can kiss having a normal life or god-help-him relationship since there isn’t another initiate in the Bunker that isn’t terrified of pissing of super-protective Granpda Henry, except Charlie, his BFF, and she’s hardly interested in dating him. (and visa versa).  So in a desperate bid to not go stircrazy, Dean convinces Grandpa Henry to take him on a few planned trips to Chicago over a few months, when he’s 18, where Grandpa Henry is visiting the super secret Supernatural Library hidden beneath the real Chicago Library.  

Dean, meanwhile decides to sneak into the normal, or as his friend Charlie calls it, “muggle” part of the library to meet...normal people and just get out from the Winchester-names far reaching shadow. 

Years of hiding in the MoL dark bunker and cramming his face into ancient books and manuscripts have lead to dean having a bit of a vision problem, not that he even realized until he’s in a strange place he’s never been, with bright lights, (unlike the Bunker) and is having trouble seeing.

Still he’s escaped Grandpa Henry, and sure there’s a little trouble seeing, but he’s out in the real world, with real people, that don’t care about the supernatural, and he needs to just get out of the normal library for just a second and see the open sky.  So he rushes in the direction he thinks the public library exit is, managing fine even if everything around him is a little blurry, until he runs into another guy, literally.  And his best laid plan come crashing down.

The guy, Jimmy is fairly understanding and a tinsy bit flirty, especially when dean has to get his face fairly close just to see Jimmy clearly.  Once they are both standing again the guy seems to forget where he was rushing a second when he gets a good look back at Dean.

That of course prompts Dean into a nerdy talk about actual angels, which OF course he knows all the stuff the MoL have talked about it. Turns out Jimmy knows plenty too having been raised a good little catholic boy.  But their conversation is halted when Jimmy’s school mates rush in to drag him off to the Freshman Econ class study group he is late for.  Before he can manage to get Dean’s information and figure out which college Dean is in, Dean slips away, having realized the time as well and desperate to get to Grandpa Henry before Henry notices he’s missing.  In a parting shot, Jimmy suggests Dean considers glasses.

A month passes and Dean is eager to join Grandpa Henry on his next trip to Chicago, especially now that he can clearly see with his new glasses, which only Charlie knows the real reason why he suddenly became interested in something he hardly needs to get around the Bunker.

As soon as Grandpa Henry wanders away, Dean sneaks back into the library, ridiculously excited even if he knows the likelihood of bumping into Jimmy again is Nil.

This time he can see a lot more clearly, and wanders off in the direction where the people his age seem to be clustered. (Random college student meet and greet at the public library.)  Surprisingly...(or maybe not, he and Charlie DID cast a luck charm and a finding lost things spell, and borrow an amulet blessed by worshipers of Aphrodite before leaving the bunker.)  And sure enough a few minutes into watching some people have a “quiet” library poetry slam, a voice greets him, whispering flirtingly into his ear. “Hello again Dean.”  This time Dean manages to stick around a few hours, meeting some of Jimmy’s friends, and cautiously avoiding any questions about his own classes or college with healthy deflection.

Long story short over a few months, Dean manages to meet Jimmy in the library every-time he can sneak himself along on Grandpa Henry’s trips. And eventually Charlie catches Dean in the Bunker Bathroom giving himself a pep talk.  She learns that Dean had his first kiss, (that one with Charlie when they were fourteen doesn’t count!) with Jimmy and after a groping make-out session in the public library almost lead to them getting kicked out, has been planning his next visit to Chicago carefully.

Charlie realizes Dean is convincing himself  to work up the nerve to finally lose his V-card next trip to Chicago to meet Jimmy. (Cause god knows no one in the supernatural world is gonna help HENRY “super mage and Savior of the Men of Letters” Winchester’s  pride-and-joy grandson get laid.  Except Charlie.  But her help is more of the wingwoman variety and not the willing participant.)

Charlie gently convinces Dean to promise to tell Jimmy at least a little bit of the truth about himself before going to far.  Dean doesn’t realize she’s trying to be sneaky.  She is concerned that Dean or Jimmy will get themselves hurt or aren’t being honest enough with each other.  Especially since she’s seen the pattern in Dean’s stories that makes her worried about Jimmy’s self acceptance, since Dean’s been building to this for Months, but his stories always end with Jimmy going from being ridiculously flirty, before cooling off and holding the cross on his necklace and pulling back.  Charlie fully believes that with dean’s promise, she has pushed the confrontation back a few trips to Chicago, because she believes Dean will hold back from telling Jimmy all, giving Dean more time and trips for Jimmy to get used to his attraction.  Dean (clueless to Charlie’s intent) isn’t sure bringing up, “oh and I’m kinda a wizard” will help things so Charlie thinks she’s bought them time.  But Charlie underestimates the desire for a teenage Dean to get laid.  So he goes and tells Jimmy the truth about himself the very next visit.  And of course it doesn’t go...well.

Dean implies it’s no more insane than the rest of the Catholic stuff Jimmy believes in, and how Jimmy alternates between believing his faith, “You believe liking me is gonna get you sent to hell and that your priest can turn wine into a dead guys’ blood Jimmy, how is me casting a spell any different?” and resenting his faith for how it makes him compartmentalize his attraction to Dean.  This turns into a fight over Dean vs Jimmy’s problems with being comfortable being Bi, and the issue of Jimmy’s faith and his experimentation.  They argue.  Dean’s learned over the months that Jimmy has an awkward relationship with his religion.  Jimmy believes in it, but he also had some issues with himself that did not click with small town Catholics, so for college he fled his tiny hometown and his HS sweetheart because he was a little bit more BI than he felt his family was ready to accept. But he still has his faith.  So Dean’s comment starts a fight that ends with Dean storming off. 

[This gif isn’t perfect since obviously they haven’t Met...just pretend its more Dean saying he just met THIS side of Jimmy.]

What Dean doesn’t notice in his angry storming away from Jimmy, is that Grandpa Henry was watching the whole thing, having been suspicious about Dean’s behavior lately, especially with how distracted nervous he was this trip.  Dean also doesn’t see Grandpa Henry’s face turn white as a ghost at the sight of Jimmy’s face.  

Grandpa Henry cancels all future trips to the Chicago Supernatural Library, and the next time Dean joins his Grandfather its in NYC.  Which is fine Because Dean is totally over that guy, and his stupid-pretty-face.  So much so that he goes weeks without seeing it, before Charlie introduces him to Facebook and he stalks it to find Jimmy has switched to a college closer to his hometown and has apparently flung himself back into his faith whole heartedly...and his high-school girlfriend, Amelia. 

That’s the list time Dean Winchester see’s or thinks about Jimmy, (or at least admits it) until ten years later, when his father has gone missing, and newly Initiated Man of Letters Dean, breaks into the Bunker artifacts and secures a bond with the guardian angel Castiel, and is startled that he recognizes the face of the vessel the angel has chosen.