#we watched her parents die in a driving accident then her brother died from the police being roo aggressive at the scene of the accident

[yanderespamton78]

Hnnnnghgghg after a good bit of struggle I managed to fall asleep for two hours In This Heat (~27°c I would guess) and I have already had a nightmare what is this bullshsit

Now I am simply sitting in my bed in the sweltering heat at 3 in the morning and I need a piss and I'm covered in sweat and I'm too shook to do anything about my discomfort

[eroaneki]

I loved strongly four times in my life. Not always romantically (should preface that for blanket understanding), but very strong love.

First was my father. When I was younger, my father was my best friend. Every Saturday night we'd go into the basement and listen to music and sing and dance and talk and it was like our little thing. I remember feeling safe with my father, always. And then in 1999, when I was 8, he got into a horrific accident at work that resulted in the death of an older woman.

My dad was working for DSNY as a Sanman at the time and from my understanding, some guy blew a stop sign trying to rush his elderly mother to the hospital because she was having a heart attack. The guy t-boned the truck my dad was driving on my father's side and it resulted in my father nearly dying from a ruptured spleen, and the older woman died on impact.

My dad was never the same after that accident.

I remember a couple weeks after he got home from the hospital he had to go back because his spleen started bleeding again and I almost watched him die in front of me on our couch. He was pale and sweating and breathing heavily.

Again he was never the same. He started drinking heavily. He started fighting with my mom more. He was never home on weekends. As I got older the fighting extended to my brother and myself; nitpicking the clothes we wore, the people we hung out with. Calling us failures, we're wastes of tax money, etc. I remember telling my mom when I was like 13 "hey I think daddy hates me."

It wasn't until I was like 16 where she was like "Nicole I don't think your father hates you but yeah he picks on you a lot."

And I was mad at her for a long time for it, but being in a long term relationship now myself, I understand her struggle with accepting what my father became. She'd known him since they were 11, so in a way she was in denial of how bad he'd gotten. It's like the frog in a pot of water not realIzing it's started to boil. Her marriage was falling apart and her children were being attacked and she had no support from friends or family so she survived and did what she could to minimize the fallout.

And then I started to learn that your parents aren't always there to love and support you. That you can be hated by them and wished dead by them. I was blamed for every single problem in their marriage for years. The fights were always about me and I never knew why. I did well in school, I wasn't sneaking out or coming home in the back of cop cars.

And then, I think it was my first semester of college, my mother gets a phone call from the woman my father was having an affair with for the last 12 years, begging her to divorce my father so they could be together. I then subsequently learned that my father never got along with the woman's daughter and fought with her often; my father fought with me because it was what he wanted to say to this woman's daughter.

I wasn't even looked at as an individual anymore. My father saw me as this woman's daughter. He'd also do this with my cousins, if he wasn't on good terms with them.

I was never me. I was always someone else.

So I started to learn how to remove myself from myself. Because clearly I didn't matter. I wasn't even seen as Nicole. I was Janet-Ann, I was Lisa, I was this woman's daughter. I was never his daughter. Even in fights with my mother, he'd refer to me as her daughter. Never his after a point.

It took me a very long time to realize I never did anything to cause this. I never spoke to anyone about it because my mother taught me never to talk about my problems. "Write them down in a book," she'd say. Because if you talked about your problems you were attention seeking.

I remember being 19 and talking to someone at work (I worked with my mother at the time) about something that recently happened with my dad and they said something to my mother. At that time my mother was very into her perceived image, and when my mother confronted me about it, I told her I'm tired of hiding and pretending this is normal. Because it wasn't. I knew at that point that people didn't live the way we did. I was going to college and interacting with others, having sociology and sexual health classes and realizing "holy shit there is something seriously wrong with me and the situation I live in."

So I refused to accept it anymore. And it took my mom a while to get on board but she inevitably did. She started to tear the blinders off.

And then my grandmother gets sick, calls me out of nowhere crying for help. I tell my mom, she rushes down to Florida---grandma is diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer and dies within 3 weeks. My mother learns that my grandmother and her brother stole her credit and ran up credit cards, my grandmother took out a loan against her house in my mother's name and had a 50k line of credit.

My father refused to help her unless she signed over the entire house to him. My mother didn't trust that he wouldn't just keep the house and leave us, so I started to then help my mother pay bills out of the $600/mo I was getting at my job. All while my mother was mandated to start paying my father $300/mo or he'd cut off all of our health insurance. I was still 19 at the time and they were still married.

I went down to Florida to help my mother clean out my grandma's house after her passing. Dead roaches littered the floors, garbage, old food. I was afraid to sleep in a bed for fear of the roaches infesting it; we didn't have enough money between the two of us to rent a hotel for the couple nights we were there as my father refused to help my mother at all.

My mother eventually lost the house because she couldn't afford the back taxes and late fees on the line of credit. So my mother's credit now had a foreclosure on it. She's only recently recovered from that.

I type this all out and I feel like I've lived 15 lifetimes in one. And that's only my life up until I was 19/20. I am so tired. I have been beaten for so long, and the only thing that kept me going was survival. Was the desire to be a better person than my father, to not end up like him, to not choose to be angry at everything all the time.

My inability to advance myself and my life comes from the fact that I am so tired mentally and spiritually. I cannot comprehend how I am supposed to continue going through life, because to me I just see it as subjecting myself to more pain and suffering. Because that was my entire existence up until like, idk. 27.

I don't know if any of this classifies as PTSD because it's not like army shit, but I'm tired. I'm so so tired and all I want to do is sit in my peaceful little hovel and just exist for the rest of my life. Because I cannot handle any more traumatic events. The well has run dry. I don't have the strength anymore to pull myself up by my bootstraps and keep going.

Because the thought of doing that for the next 30-40 years fills me with such horrifying dread.

I have very little positive memories. I think about the times I was with friends growing up and they were happy. But they're minimal compared to everything else. They were more like having an opportunity to breathe between all of this. And I'm grateful to have even had that because not everyone does.

But I have been strong for such a long time. I just want to rest. Idk for how long but I just want to fucking rest.

But unfortunately I'm at a place where I should be getting married and starting a family. So, again, I can't rest. I have to show up. And I don't know how to do that right now.

Emotionally I don't get close to anyone. I have things I want but I don't do them because there's always something else I should be doing because it's "responsible." I live my life through a series of prioritizations. If it doesn't benefit me now or in the long run, toss it. Doesn't matter if it gives me pleasure. Pleasure is indulgence; you don't need it to survive.

And I fear I'm just gonna be stuck in that headspace forever. Sometimes I can see out of it but that's always going to be how my brain works. Because I'm fucked in the head from everything I went through.

I have personality traits of being strong and independent and headstrong and I work well in catastrophic situations, but it's all a trauma response. You have to be that way during those situations. And I'm constantly on the look out for that happening again.

I'm exhausted. I'm so fucking exhausted. And I fear taking medication is going to alter me negatively to the point where I end up in a fucking psych ward and I'll never have a fucking bank account ever again. I'll never be able to speak a sentence that's coherent ever again. I'm afraid if I take medication I'll no longer be me. I'll be this manufactured version of myself that's more palatable for others.

I'm at such a hard place in my life right now and idk which direction to choose.

[spine-buster]

the rescue romance.

gif credit @/denis-scorianov

A/N: We finally get a glimpse of Lusine's family -- specifically her parents -- in this one. Hope you enjoy!

CW: NSFW

Ever since Lusine moved to downtown Toronto, she hated going home. There was nothing to do, nothing to see. And although it would be fun to see her brothers again, and her parents, she knew it wouldn’t be long until her mom and dad started their interrogation of what she was getting up to in the city. She also knew that it wouldn’t be long until she started hearing hypotheticals based on her chosen activities. “You went skating with Bianca? Where? Nathan Phillips Square? What if you’d fallen and cracked open your skull and died?”

Hypotheticals were her parents’ favourite things because it instilled worry in them and gave them justification to be overbearing after the accident.

Bianca was spending a week in Richmond Hill with her parents. Rasmus was spending Christmas Day with Aberdeen’s family, who had invited him over as William’s best friend for the second year in a row, knowing he was also Swedish and didn’t have any family in town. New restrictions from the government meant that games were postponed. Only ten people could congregate in a house; with Etienne and Beau’s wives at her parents’ house her family would be at eight, and with Rasmus with the Blooms they’d be at seven.

Rasmus was lying on Lusine’s bed watching as she packed her small suitcase, the gifts she had gotten her siblings and parents already wrapped and placed in bags for when her dad came and picked her up tomorrow, Christmas Eve morning. Rasmus would be Zooming with his parents in Sweden and his brother in Philadelphia tomorrow – a North American late lunch versus a Swedish late dinner. It was snowing lightly outside, which would make an interesting drive up north tomorrow. Lusine hoped it would all be ploughed by then.

“Are you excited for tomorrow?” Rasmus asked as he watched her pack an emerald green knit sweater into the suitcase.

“As excited as I can be,” she smiled slightly. “It’ll be nice being around my family again but I’m going to hate the interrogation.”

“Interrogation?”

“My parents are going to want to know every single detail about my life and I’m gonna have to lie to them about how boring it is,” she revealed. “All they’re allowed to know is three things: that I live with Bianca, that I’m still at school, and that my job is with the quartet. That’s it.”

“So I don’t exist?” Rasmus chuckled.

“Nope. And it’s better that way. If they found out they’d come up with ways I could die. It’s their specialty.”

Rasmus considered her words and everything she’d told him about her relationship with her family at this point. While her brothers seemed fine – given the generational divide and how much older they were than her – it was her parents that were the problem. His parents only ever pushed him to be what he wanted to be – a professional hockey player – and supported his dreams. They did nothing like what Lusine’s parents did. “If you need an out, you can call me,” he said.

“I doubt they’re going to throw a party with coke,” she joked.

Rasmus laughed out loud. “I doubt that too. But I mean, like, if the interrogation gets to be too much and you want to come home early. I’ll be your personal Uber.”

***

Lusine still thought her childhood home looked like it came straight out of Stepford Wives, especially considering the architecturally beautiful homes that were in the Annex and scattered throughout Toronto in general that she was now used to. The house was beautiful in its own way, of course – stunning stone and stucco exterior, beautifully landscaped lawn, a heated driveway, backed on to a golf course – but every house around it looked the exact same; every house around it looked like a cheap copy of the house beside it that made it all so…bland. It didn’t help that they were the only development for miles – that they had to jump in the car to go anywhere, because nothing was walkable, not even a convenience store. It was a boring place to be, and a boring place to grow up, made even more boring when after a certain age, she could barely leave the house anyway.

Christmas Eve was fine. Once she arrived home, her family played some board games and watched old family videos before staying up to attend midnight mass in Uxbridge. Lusine figured that her parents didn’t immediately start their interrogation because her brothers were there. They mainly just listened intently to her answers during dinner when her brothers or their wives would ask questions about her life in Toronto. They seemed to be impressed that she was acing all of her classes, which made Lusine think that maybe they were turning, that they weren’t so angry at her anymore for moving and going against their wishes. Despite that, she didn’t tell them that she’d picked up a pamphlet for Summer Abroad courses that U of T offered at the behest of one of her professors and that she was extremely interested in taking a four-week course in Berlin. She didn’t tell them how many parties and clubs she went to with Bianca and her friends. She definitely didn’t tell them about Rasmus.

Christmas Day was much of the same. Presents were opened, hot chocolate was had, and lunch was made and eaten. But then her brothers left early, right after lunch, barely staying for dessert, one by one – first Etienne, so they could spend the day with Christine’s family too; then Beau, to spend time with Emma’s family; Delaney left not even fifteen minutes later. Lusine found herself alone with her parents for a while, watching TV, waiting for the true interrogation to begin.

“Lusine…” she heard her mom call from the kitchen. She was still lying down on the couch, watching Christmas specials on TV. “Can you come here please?”

Lusine almost rolled her eyes. They literally wanted a sit-down interrogation. She sighed, getting up and walking to the kitchen table where her parents were sitting with an envelope. “What’s up?” she asked, trying to remain cool.

“Can you sit, please?” her mom asked, motioning to the head of the table. Her dad was standing behind her mom with his hands gripping the top of the dining chair. As Lusine sat, she noticed her mom was holding an envelope. “We have a gift for you that we didn’t want to give you in front of your brothers.”

It was time for Lusine to furrow her brows. Okay, so maybe this wasn’t going to be an interrogation. “What is it?”

Her mom lay the envelope flat on the table and pushed it towards her. “Take a look.”

Lusine eyed her parents one last time before picking up the envelope and taking out the piece of paper that was inside. She noticed some sort of logo in the top-left corner and even a pressed seal at the bottom, which made it look all so official. She began to read.

Dear Ms. Lusine Forrester,

Upon reviewing your application, we are pleased to offer you a place in Bryan College’s online Receptionist Certificate Program. Your acceptance recognizes all the hard work and achievements in your academic and personal past. We are confident that your admission to our program will—

“What the hell is this?” she demanded, looking up at her parents. She didn’t even want – or need – to read the rest.

“Your father and I feel it’s been enough now,” her mom began, in a voice that was way too calm for Lusine’s liking. “You’ve had your fun. It’s time for you to come home, don’t you think?”

“What?”

“It’s time for you to come home,” she repeated, with emphasis. “Home with us.”

It felt like it happened in a split second, but Lusine finally pieced together what her parents had done. They’d applied to a program on her behalf – the program they always wanted her to apply to – so she could come home. They’d essentially pretended to be her, applied to the program, and got accepted. All in a plan to have her come home. She felt like she was going to be sick. “No,” she shook her head.

“Lusine—”

“No,” she repeated forcefully.

“Lusine—just listen,” her father interjected. “This is a good program. A great one! You’ll be able to work at the golf course with—”

“NO!” she screamed, crumpling up the piece of paper and throwing it across the table. She pushed her chair back and stood up. “There’s no way. No. I can’t even believe you’d do something like this!”

“It’s for your own good—”

“No it’s not! Toronto! Toronto is for my own good!” she kept yelling. “Do you guys realize you basically stole my identity? That’s illegal! How could you even think of doing this?!”

“Working at the golf course is a good job for you, Lusine—”

“No it’s not!” she screamed, tears forming in her eyes almost instantaneously. She felt so defeated that what she was saying still wasn’t getting through, even two years later. “Don’t you want better things for me?” she was defeated. Exasperated. She was feeling so many different emotions all at once, and none of them were good. “Don’t you—I don’t know, don’t you want me to be someone, to do something with my life besides become a secretary and get married? Is that all you wanted me to do? Don’t you want me to have a career? Do you really want me to have to rely on you my whole life?”

“You can have a career at the golf course, where you’re close to us,” her mother was adamant.

Now the anger came through. If her feelings and life ambitions weren’t being taken into consideration, there was no way she was going to be nice about this moving forward. “NO!” she screamed again. “You kept me holed up in this house for years and I’m not letting you ever do that again!”

“Lusine—”

“NO!!!!!” she screamed, her loudest one yet, before running out of the kitchen and upstairs to her room. She went directly into her ensuite bathroom and locked the door behind her so her parents couldn’t get in. If they even followed her. They usually didn’t – at least they didn’t when things like this would happen when she was a teenager. But she was a legal adult now – an adult that could make her own decisions – and she couldn’t believe that they were still trying to control her life.

When she was all teared out, and had calmed down enough to think about next steps – knowing that she couldn’t stay at the house anymore – she did the only thing she knew she could do.

“Merry Christmas, lilla fågel,” she heard Rasmus’s soothing voice on the other end of the phone call.

“Ras…” she said, and it was only then she could hear how defeated her voice sounded. “Ras, can you be my personal Uber?”

Rasmus knew what that meant. With it being just after lunch on Christmas Day, he knew exactly what that meant. “Of course,” he said. “Can you text me your address?”

“Yeah. It’ll—it’ll take you an hour, probably, but if you can, take the 407—”

“William’s car goes fast, it won’t take me an hour,” he said. She knew now to look out for a Volvo instead of his car. The fact that he was promising to get there in less than an hour was telling. “Are you okay? Is everything okay?”

“I’ll explain in the car,” she sniffled. “Once—it’s gated, so once you get to the gate, you’re my Uber driver and just need to swing by the Forrester’s house, alright?”

“I got it,” he said. She could hear some commotion in the background, then William’s distinct voice distantly, asking ‘You’re putting on your shoes?’. God, she hoped they’d already finished lunch too. She’d probably never be forgiven by the Bloom Family if she made him leave in the middle of the Christmas meal. “Sit tight, lilla fågel. I’ll be there soon.”

***

It took Rasmus only forty minutes to get to Lusine’s parents’ house from Etobicoke. She didn’t even want to think about how fast he must have gone on the highway. But regardless, she finally unlocked her bathroom door, re-packed her things by stuffing them into her suitcase, and marched down the stairs.

“My Uber is outside,” she announced to her parents, setting her suitcase down loudly on the floor. “Merry Christmas. Thanks for the food.”

Her parents emerged from the kitchen, and her mom was holding the crumpled acceptance letter in her hands. “Lusine, don’t you want to discuss this further now that you’ve calmed down?”

“No,” she said sternly, barely looking at her parents as she grabbed her jacket from the closet and stuffed her feet into her boots. “We discussed it before. It’s not happening. It will never happen. I’m going back to Toronto now.”

“Will you at least think about it—”

“I’ve thought about it, and it’s not happening.”

“But Lusine—”

“What aren’t you hearing?!” she demanded, raising her voice again. “It’s. Never. Happening. And if you ever do something like this again, I’m never coming back here. Stop trying to make me as full of fear as you are.”

She swung the heavy front door open, pulling her suitcase behind her as she speed-walked towards Rasmus in the Volvo. He played the part of an Uber driver well with his four-ways on. She opened the back door and practically threw in her suitcase before shuffling in herself.

“Hey—”

“—Drive,” she ordered, taking a deep breath, trying not to look back at the house because she knew her parents were standing in the doorway. “Please just start driving. I need to get out of here. I’ll switch to the front once we’re out of here.”

Rasmus did as he was told, putting the car in drive and signalling out of his parked position. He meandered through the streets of the small development before he finally reached the gate again. The gate attendant let them through easily. Rasmus turned down the street, and once they were back on the main road, in front of the south side of the golf course, away from the subdivision, he stopped the car.

Lusine switched to the front seat, and it was only then that he could see the silent tears falling down her cheeks. His heart ached seeing her this way on Christmas, of all days. “C’mere,” he cooed, leaning over the centre console so he could give her a kiss, long and soothing and comforting. “What happened?”

“They—when my brothers left, and we were alone, they sat me down at the table and they told me that I’ve had my fun and that it was time for me to go home. They applied to this online receptionist certificate program for me and kept telling me it was for my own good, that I could have a career at the golf course so I could be close to them.”

Shit. Rasmus couldn’t believe what he was hearing. How fucking awful. And to strategically do it once her brothers were gone? Even more awful. He had a hard time wrapping his head around the fact that parents wanted something so…simple for their child, despite the child’s bigger ambitions. “Oh Lusine…” he shook his head. “That’s awful.”

“I told them if they ever did something like that again that I’d never come back,” she said. “I was so angry, Ras. It turned into a screaming match. I locked myself in my washroom – that’s where I called you from.”

“Really?”

She nodded. “They were adamant – adamant – that I come home. I told them to stop trying to make me as full of fear as they are.”

“Good,” he said, leaning over to kiss her one more time. “That’s good, lilla fågel.” He reached over and grabbed her hand too, squeezing it in his before bringing it up and kissing it. “It’s good that you called me. Sorry I took so long.”

“You didn’t take long at all,” she said. “But we—we should go.”

Rasmus held her hand as he drove through the country roads back to the highway, and he held her hand as he drove down the 407, merged onto the 400, and drove down Royal York Boulevard. The drive was mainly silent, Lusine thinking about what had just happened and Rasmus letting her. He would occasionally bring her hand up to his lips and kiss it, letting her know it was all going to be okay. She appreciated it, because the further they got into the city, the more she believed it. They got to Aberdeen’s parents’ house when it was just hitting dusk, and Rasmus parked the Volvo in the driveway.

He shut off the car and looked at her. Neither of them made a movement. “You did the right thing, you know. By telling them what you did.”

Lusine nodded her head softly. “I love my parents but I think I will always resent them for not letting me live a normal life.”

It was an incredible thing to say out loud. Incredible. And it made complete sense. You could love something but still resent it. You could love things but outgrow them and want to move on. That’s what Lusine had said early on about where she grew up, and now that he’d been there, he knew why she said that, and understood her completely. “You’ve started living the life that you want now, though,” Rasmus said. “That’s what matters.”

Lusine knew he was right. “I wish they saw it that way,” she said softly. “I want them to see how happy I am, but I think they’re still so filled with fear that they can’t. I just—I hope one day they can see it.”

Rasmus leaned over the centre console one more time to give her a kiss. “Let’s go inside,” he said. “Let’s go spend Christmas afternoon totally normally with your favourite author’s family,” he joked.

Thankfully, it caused Lusine to giggle. “Yeah, totally normal.”

***

Aberdeen’s family was like heaven on earth. She had an older sister, Siena, and a younger brother, Camden, who welcomed Lusine with open arms. Her mom, Orla, wouldn’t let her sit down without giving her some sort of food, which ended up being a bowl of homemade sticky toffee pudding. Her dad, Mirza, spoke to her so intently that within minutes she felt like she’d known him her entire life. William and Aberdeen suggested everyone play board games, and they went through rounds of HedBanz, TeleStrations, and an extra-long game of Catan. After some coffee, snacking on popcorn, and Siena being victorious at Catan (“Of course the lawyer wins!” William joked as she pumped her fist in the air), it was time to go home.

William dropped Rasmus and Lusine off at her apartment. And like how most things ended with Rasmus and Lusine nowadays (despite the, uh, hiccup after the family skate party), it didn’t take long for their lips to be attached, and it didn’t take long for them to get to the bedroom, and it didn’t take long for their hands to wander under clothes or along belt buckles. When Rasmus’s hands travelled underneath Lusine’s green knit sweater, she wasn’t nervous about her scars anymore. When he pulled the sweater off, she took a deep breath, but it was all okay. His eyes flashed at her lacy black bra.

“You like?” she couldn’t help but smile.

“Uh huh,” he nodded his head like a cartoon character, causing her to giggle. She reached for his own sweater and pulled it above his head. “Can I take off your pants?” he asked, and she nodded. She unzipped his first, and then he unzipped hers slowly before pulling them off, leaning her legs on his shoulder, running his hands up and down them. “Beautiful. So beautiful,” he murmured.

“It’s good that you find me attractive,” she said confidently, winking at him.

“Lusine, I’d dry hump you in public if it was socially acceptable.”

Lusine burst out into a fit of giggles as Rasmus lowered himself onto her body. “You’re such a pervert.”

“Maybe so,” he smiled, peppering her face with kisses. He shifted their bodies so they were on their sides facing each other, and he hooked her leg over his hip. “Can you feel how hard I’m getting? Do you see what you do to me?”

Lusine nodded, biting her bottom lip as she felt his erection on her thigh. “I don’t—I’m not ready for sex again just yet,” she said.

“That’s okay. We can get up to other things,” he replied automatically. She felt his hand move from squeezing her ass to between her thighs. Though she was still wearing underwear, he could feel how hot she was getting too, and cupped her hot core. “Last time my hand was here we got up to some good fun. I think we can do that again.”

“Yes please,” Lusine said, closing her eyes as she felt his hand push away the fabric of her underwear. When his fingers finally touched her folds, it sent a shiver down her spine.

Rasmus watched as her face changed with every movement of his fingers. He couldn’t get enough, especially when she bit her bottom lip or let out one of her little sighs – sighs that would only escape if his fingers went slightly deeper. “Last time I did this you said it didn’t feel that good when you did it yourself,” his voice was low. “You touch yourself, hmm?”

Lusine nodded, unable to form words just yet. “Y—Yeah…”

“How?”

“W—With—With my fingers,” she stuttered out quickly, feeling his own fingers going deeper into her pussy.

“Do you have a vibrator?”

“No,” she said. “J—Just my fingers.”

“What gets you off then, hmm? What porn do you watch? What do you like?” he asked. Lusine was silent, wondering how he knew. Rasmus giggled slightly. “Don’t be shy, Lusine. You can tell me.”

He could visibly see her gulp. “I—I like when it gets loud,” she admitted, feeling his finger curl inside of her. “I like doggy style. Or when she’s in the guy’s lap grinding. I—I like when—when it’s a mix of hard and soft.”

“Tell me more,” he bit at her bottom lip.

“I like the fingering. And the hairpulling,” she continued. “And—and recently, I—I imagine you doing it to me.”

Rasmus audibly groaned, slipping another finger into her and moving his fingers faster, curling them harder, making her mewl out in pleasure. “Fuck Lusine,” he barely got out. “I will. I promise I’ll do it to you one day.”

“Wh—What do you like, Rasmus?” she managed to get out.

It was his turn to gulp. He was obviously more experienced than her, and so there were things he liked and didn’t like, and he knew so by that experience. The things she mentioned – they’d have to try. The things he would mention – he knew. “I like getting my dick sucked. And I like when girls ride me. And I dream of burying my face in your pussy.”

Lusine grinded her hips against his hand at his words. She let out more moans as he continued to curl his fingers inside of her, rubbing her clit with his thumb. “Ras—Ras—”

“I want you to come on my hand again so I can taste you,” he increased his movements. “Come for me, Lusine.”

It didn’t take very long. Their little conversation had gotten her so hot and bothered that she easily came onto his hand, writhing and moaning out in pleasure as she rode out her orgasm for as long as she could. Just like last time, he brought his fingers up to his mouth and sucked her juices off, making sure to maintain eye contact. She felt like she was on fire, and she knew what she wanted to do next. “Let me give you a blowjob.”

Rasmus’s eyes went wide. “Yeah?”

Lusine nodded. “You’re gonna have to help a bit.”

“I will,” Rasmus kissed her.

“Should I get on my knees?”

“Yes, God yes,” Rasmus breathed out. They untangled themselves from each other’s bodies and he watched as she crawled off the edge of the bed, getting down on her knees in her bra and panties. He tried not to spontaneously combust right then and there as he saw her waiting. He moved to the edge of the bed, right in front of her, and she brought her hands up to pull his boxers off. His cock sprung free, and she grabbed it gently.

Apparently, Lusine at least knew how to get it started. She pumped him a few times, slowly, switching eye contact between his cock and his eyes. She dragged the nails on her other hand against his thigh and it sent a shiver throughout his entire body. “You’re already off to a good start,” he bit his bottom lip. He watched as, without warning, she maintained eye contact and licked the underside of his cock. He threw his head back.

“That okay?”

“Mhhmmm,” he could only hum.

She started kissing the underside of his cock too, moving up slowly but surely until she was kissing the head. “What else should I do?”

“Stop teasing,” he huffed, smiling down at her. “Just start slow. Anything you do is gonna make me feel good.”

Lusine nodded. Her body felt incredibly hot and turned on, but there was obviously a huge part of her that wanted to please Rasmus sexually – just like he did her – despite her inexperience and despite what had happened before. So, with a final bout of confidence and a whole lot of hope, Lusine parted her lips and took his head into her mouth, sucking gently at first to make sure everything was okay. When she looked up and saw Rasmus biting his bottom lip, she gained confidence.

“That’s it, Lusine, fuck,” Rasmus murmured as he watched her head bob up and down slightly. The sight of Lusine on her knees in between his legs in a black bra with his cock in her mouth was driving him wild. “Keep going. Keep going.”

Lusine continued, bobbing her head up and down for a while. When she needed a breath, she’d lick, and when she was ready again, she’d suck him back into her mouth, humming so there was some added vibration. It drove Rasmus crazy. What drove him even more crazy were the sounds she was making – the sucking and the moaning and the humming.

“Ras?”

“Hmm?”

“Am I doing okay so far?”

“You’re doing so fucking good, Lusine.”

There was a slight pause before she asked the next question. “Can you help me go deeper?”

“Fuck,” he hissed loudly. “Lusine, are you sure?”

“Mhmm,” she hummed, giving the head of his cock the cutest little kiss. “Grab my hair and show me.”

Fucking hell. He brought his hands up and swept her hair back, gathering it in one hand. “Put my cock in your mouth.”

Lusine did as she was told, and felt him apply the slightest bit of pressure to push her down. She groaned in response, and she felt herself take him even deeper. She moaned and made eye contact. “S’at okay?” Rasmus asked, only for her to moan again in assurance. He pushed her head down again and his cock hit the same spot.

Rasmus started letting out guttural moans, knowing that as she continued sucking, he was getting closer and closer to his release. Lusine kept letting out moans to signal her own pleasure, and when his leg twitched, she knew he was close. It made her feel confident that she was able to do this to him without any experience. Her body was responding to him just how she always wanted it to respond. “I’m close, Lusine,” he warned.

She pulled off of him with a pop. “Where d’you want to come?” she asked.

He didn’t have time to answer. Instead, he acted on impulse, and pulled her up by her hair so that her breasts, covered in their black lacy glory, were right near his throbbing cock. The sound that came out of her as he pulled her up brought him over the edge, and it only took a few more pumps with her free hand until he came all over her breasts. The noises that escaped him were indescribable. Lusine kept pumping him, getting every last bit out and onto her breasts before he fell back on the bed trying to catch his breath.

Lusine followed, lying down beside him but perching herself up on one of her elbows. Her fingertips traced outlines on his chest. He didn’t know how much time had passed, but when he looked over at her, he could see his mess all over her breasts. It drove him wild. “Was that okay for you?” she asked.

Rasmus still didn’t have the breath to speak. Instead, he nodded his head and pulled her closer. “C’mere,” he breathed out, planting a long, wet kiss on her like his life depended on it. “You were fucking incredible.”

“It was hot for me too,” she said.

He kissed her again, and again, and again, before pulling away. “Stay here. Let me clean you up,” he said, reluctantly getting up from the bed, putting on his boxers, and going to the washroom. When he came back, Lusine had shifted further up the bed, leaning back on her elbows waiting for him. He climbed back on the bed, crawling over to her side before wiping her chest off with a damp hand towel.

When he was done and the towel tossed into her laundry basket, Lusine pulled the covers over them and cuddled into his body. Her body settled into his easily, their legs intertwining once more, their arms wrapped around one another. Lusine kissed him quickly, both their eyes fluttering from fatigue. “I’ll get better with lots of practice,” she wiggled her eyebrows lazily.

Rasmus chuckled, biting down on her lower lip one last time. “I could go for lots of practice.”

[loveanoutcast]

ok but I read games and I am ADDICTED and I just thought I could maybe request something like-

Eren meeting the reader through a simple comment and a timeskip to them being v close until they eventually end up in a fight because reader was ranting to eren about how perfect their crush (who is actually eren) is and him just exploding and them getting into a fight until the reader eventually goes "that person is you, dumbass!" Or smth like that and from there it all just turns into a lot of kisses and smut👀

only if you're comfy/in the mood of writing smth like this tho! just had this random thought last night and thought I'd request a little erenxfembodiedreader

Anyway have a nice day, night, afternoon, morning, you're amazing :D

Oh my gosh, this is my first request ever and I am so incredibly excited to write this and I really hope I did good in writing something you would want. Thank you so much for submitting this request, please feel free to send more! I love writing fanfics of any aot character and will do my absolute best to embody them in these. Sorry for the long wait, when I say the last chapter had me all the way FUCK3D up. EreMika is canon and I haven't been able to stop saying "He loved her, oh my god he loved her" in that "and they were roommates" vine way because that's my coping mechanism and it's cheaper than therapy. Anyway, I give you-

"Assumptions."

Pairing: Eren Yeager x Fem!reader

TW: nsfw, smut, angst, jealously, swearing, yelling, a bit of fluff, unprotected intercourse, breeding kink, a bit of voyeurism, a bit of sexism, eren being denser than a rock, Levi having health issues because he's old

Other: aot world if the mess of season four never happened and eren didn't fall to sad bitch hours, reader is a regular girl with family issues, all characters are over 18, Erwin never died and Floch never went insane

It wasn't that Eren hated going into town, but he wasn't exactly used to going to town alone. He always had Mikasa and Armin flanking either side of him but since the discovery of the world outside the walls and the decreased threat of titans, scouts were needed more than ever in the recovery of the lost districts. Mikasa was the second strongest soldier alive and Armin was expected to take after Erwin. Eren was useful when it came to being the one who possessed the attack and founder titan, but lately there was no big threats that required his titan abilities.

That didn't stop Hange from poking him, nor did it stop Captain Levi from keeping him busy with even the most minimalist of tasks. Today was no different and when the options were given to him and Jean, who was still asleep in his bunker, on shoveling horse shit or going into town to stock up on supplies and check to ensure all market suppliers weren't being capitalist pigs to the local vendors, Eren all but hauled ass through the door, hand swiping the grocery list off the table and yelling, "Good luck Jean-boy!"

Everything seemed to be going just fine, none of the local vendors had any troubles and most seemed happier with the drastic improvements of the living situations for Eldians. The fear of being eaten any day now or losing a loved one to war had seemed to be the driving force that had led to problems before. Some people recognized Eren, but no one seemed to want to approach him. He had had encounters with people who thought of him as a god, but he usually ignored them or kept a level-headed composure. Despite knowing that he had a power no one else had, outside of being a titan-shifter, Eren didn't really know what he had to offer. Armin was smart, Mikasa was strong, and he couldn't exactly claim titan-shifter seeing that Armin was also the colossal and Ymir had been the jaw.

He let out a sigh, kicking a rock in his path and silently yearning for something beyond his knowledge. Despite knowing that he was never really alone, he felt lonely a lot of the time. He had never given much thought to settling down, with the clock running out on him he often thought what was even the point? He wasn't sure if he wanted to keep being a soldier or if he wanted to go back home one day, he didn't really try to dwell on the future, content with being in the present and having Mikasa always on the verge of tears when she was reminded that he would one day die, didn't really give him room to think of much else.

You weren't oblivious to the tales and rumors that went around the town about the scouts and their secret weapon in the form of a shapeshifting man and how him and his comrades were able to plug the hole in the wall of a district your family had come from long ago. Your father had long since escaped the walls of Maria before it fell, he made an honest living being a construction man, and your mother was a nurse who happened to catch his eye when he had a roofing accident. They built a life for themselves within Wall Rose. You weren't the richest family, nor did you have a name that was well known. Nonetheless, you were all hard working. Your brothers worked for the respect they got, one being a weapon maker and the other being a bar keeper was enough for the part of town you were in. Even their wives did well for themselves in being a seamstress and bar waitress. As the youngest, you were loved and cared for. You weren't the most beautiful girl in town, but you turned heads nonetheless, well until one of your brothers decided to glare or promptly hit whoever doted on you too long for their liking.

The people who knew you, thought you were trouble. Mostly the elders spewed of you and your ways of thinking being a disgrace to everything Eldians stood for and bringing only shame to your gender, you were a woman ahead of her time and they couldn't stand it. Like your mother you had entered the medical field, but even when you were small you claimed you would be a doctor one day. You shadowed and worked under the supervision of the town's doctors. Many amused at your antics, some who didn't care about you being a girl and just grateful to leave such responsibility on someone who was genuine in the intent, and others not caring one way or another and not willing to hear your screeching pleads to observe what they did. Your mom had spoken with you more than once about settling with being a doctor's aide, today being no different and you let out a sigh as you looked to your mother's pained expression.

"I just don't understand why you insist on making your life so difficult? It was bad enough when you proudly exclaimed your goals in front of the entire church, but now this?"

You could only look away, looking towards the fields where you saw your third brother grooming the horses. You hadn't said anything bad, you were approached with a job offer that would give you the title and respect you had been desperately craving, and it would bring greater honor to your family...or so you thought before your mother reacted the opposite in which you hoped.

"I will not have any daughter of mine chasing dreams and fantasies off in some other place where no one can protect you. This is a suicide mission and I for one will not stand by and watch you march forward to your downfall."

Your father stood behind your mother, not really saying anything and not even looking at you. You felt especially bad for the commander and captain who stood on either side of you and were bearing witness to the absurd exchange between your family.

"Mrs. Y/L/N, you have to know that if Y/N were to accept this offer, she would never be in the front lines. We have bases located all throughout the walls and she would do what she did best and be our primary doctor." Commander Erwin spoke with such calm words, his demeanor kind and patient.

"So you expect me to let her run off with a bunch of men whose brains are broken from the wars they fought and not worry? She is not even married!"

You grit your teeth so hard upon hearing that, you were sick of the standards put forth on you since your birth. You were sick of the expectations you were in no hurry to reach and you were especially tired of the lack of faith your family had in you to be independent and strong. Your fists clenched and you felt a steady gaze on you.

"I'm not an expert or anything on parenting, nor will I act as if I am, but instead of yelling at her, why don't you try asking your daughter what she wants to do?" You didn't silence the gasp you released, looking at Captain Levi in confusion and admiration.

All eyes turned to you, your mother crossing her arms as if asking you to try and defy her. Erwin looked a bit expectedly and Levi looking indifferent to the entire conversation. It was your father who beat you to it before you could even open your mouth to answer.

"You have a choice, my daughter. If you choose to stay, you'll make your mother and brothers happy. You can continue to help people but you will never be acknowledged as a doctor...but you'll have your family. Or you can choose to leave and live your life to your own accord, but you will lose the respect of the town and your mother will never speak to you again. Are you willing to put yourself above your family?" You expected this from your father, always neutral and never judgmental, what he was saying was true after all. Were you willing to lose your family over your dreams? Would you be able to survive on your own with only the scouts to rely on?

Your head was hurting and your frustration only grew when your brothers decided to come home and after your mother wailing at them about your plans to leave, they were quick to overwhelm you with their own opinions. The commander and captain apologized but they had to leave and return to headquarters.

"Take your time on making your decision. We will come back in a few days for your answer." Commander Erwin told you, giving you a smile as he continued, "I know its a lot to ask you to choose us over your flesh and blood, but if you do. You have my promise that we will protect you, and we may never be able to fully replace your family in your heart, but the scouts will be a family on its own for you."

"Tch," Captain Levi shook his head, "Look brat, you will see and do things that you won't always like. People will die no matter how hard you try to save them, but call Erwin and Hange delusional--they see something in you. Don't walk into this half-assed, if you choose to be our doctor and you choose to take on the title and everything it carries with it, you have to dedicate your heart."

You only nodded. Two days had passed as you walked through the market, the small basket in your hands carried apples and some citrus fruits. Your mother still wasn't talking to you and your brothers seemingly assumed you wouldn't be leaving, only your father knew how frantic your mind was, and one morning he admitted that he would be delighted to have at least one of his children carry the family name on a military standing. So you had his support.

You even spoke to the animal doctor you had been shadowing for the past few weeks, his eyebrows had rose in an impressed matter and he promptly asked when you would be leaving.

"I haven't made a decision, yet." You said.

"You would be an idiot not to take it." Was all he replied before asking you to give the cattle their medicine.

Idiot, huh? You wondered. You knew deep down he was right. Your mind continued to play in endless loops of thought before you heard a commotion to your right. Turning your head you saw a group of men, their huddling seemed a bit more frantic and it was not until one of them yelled that you noticed one man in particular on his knees.

"Help! Someone call a doctor!"

The man on the floor was bleeding rather profusely and you didn't have time to question what happened before you quickly made way.

"Sir, let me see."

"Hey! Woman don't touch him!"

"Make yourself useful and go get a doctor! What the hell do you think you're doing!"

"I am a doctor." You calmly said, inspecting the gash on his side and seeing the edge of what appeared to be a broken pipe sticking out from the building behind them. The drips if bloods glistening in the sun only confirmed what you thought.

"We were-" The injured man rasped out, "Just horsing around."

"It's okay." You reassured, grabbing a roll of gauze and stack of medical napkins you always kept in your basket. You apologized before applying pressure to the wound, and you heard the patter of rushing feet.

"A doctor is on his way! A real one!" One of the men sneered, and you did your best not to roll your eyes and focus on stopping the bleeding. You asked the man to lie on his back and he surprisingly complied, he didn't seem to care about you being a girl and only seemed thankful to not be alone and scared.

"Do you hear that? Move before you kill him!" The first man hollered, the hand on your shoulder causing you to sharply inhale.

"Excuse me for one moment." You told the man, and you were quick as you hand shot up to grip the disrespectful ass by his wrist and twist it in one fluid motion, you wasted no time in using the building wall as leverage, quickly running up and using his weight to stabilize yourself before you roundhouse kicked him so hard it sent both of you flying back. You landed on one foot, balancing yourself before going back to the patient.

You couldn't deny how satisfying it was to hear the impact, or the groan of pain coming from him. Your eyes met the others.

"If any of you touch me, I'll do exactly what I did to your buddy there, but ten times worse. Now shut the hell up and let me save this man."

Eyes widely stared at you as you resumed caring for the injured, a few minutes passed by the time the doctor got there.

"Oh!" His eyebrows rose, "Hello Y/N, didn't expect to see you here. If I would have known, I wouldn't have left the hospital on its own."

"Hi Dr. Goodwin," You looked up, two fingers on the injured man's wrist and the other held up four fingers from your counting. You blushed slightly from his confidence in you and you noticed the men who bullied you all sport faces of confusion.

"His pulse is stable. I wrapped the wound tightly, but he needs stitches."

"Thank you, miss." The injured man grabbed your hand and you smiled in return.

"Don't mention it."

"Actually, it's Dr. Y/L/N." Dr. Goodwin said, seeing your eyes widen and the smile he gave only made your heart swell that much more.

The doctor nodded, thanking you before asking his helpers to load him to the small gurney they brought. He could only thank you briefly before you waved them off. The other guys had stayed back, eyes wide in disbelief that the doctor not only recognized you, but acknowledged your work.

"Are you a nurse or something?"

"Are you morons deaf? Did you not hear Dr. Goodwin? I'm a doctor too."

The leader seemed to recover from the kick you gave him earlier as his lip curled in an ugly matter, "What kind of sick joke is that? No such thing as a woman doctor."

"Obviously there is if I'm standing right in front of you. Or did my kick knock a few more scews loose?"

Eren was walking buy, noticing the commotion from afar and as a soldier, his instincts to provide help in dire situations kicked in. He elbowed his way to the front. Seeing you standing defiantly in front of five tall muscular men. He stepped forward as the main leader got in your face, but when you shifted your foot, he seemed to coil back. Eren noticed a giant welt on one side of his face and wondered how the hell he got such an ugly bruise. It didn't stop their onslaught.

"Who the hell do you think you are? What makes you think you could do whatever the fuck you want?"

"Because in this world, I'm free to do whatever the fuck I please." Eren watched as your eyes narrowed in further defiance, the smile on your face sickeningly sweet and all he could think about was how he had never seen such a woman.

You hadn't even noticed the audience that gathered, you side stepped the group of men, going as far as waving a goodbye with a breathy giggle, you picked up your basket. You had a small hop to your step and despite not caring to even spare a glance to the onlookers, your eyes met a pair of pretty green ones. The prominent bone structure made you think, "Wow."

However, the tall muscular body you did a once over on had you follow that thought with, "Oh damn."

Eren seemed dumbfounded, your obviousness in checking him out made him flush. He had never felt self-conscious over his body. He knew even before he hit puberty that he would do well to grow muscles and abs, the necessary type of figure to have if one were to be a soldier of the scouts. He knew it was also something some females found attractive in the opposite sex but it's not like he ever had time to date much less dwell on what girls liked. Seeing the way you looked at him though, he couldn't deny that he silently hoped for your approval.

When you finally met his eyes once more, you had him floored when he saw you drop a wink at him.

The crowd murmuring as they watched you go made his own eyebrows furrow in confusion. He stepped to one of the members and demanded an explanation.

"Honestly, the little lady was crazy! She came in here claiming to be a doctor and helped patch up a guy who got cut by the pipe over there. Instead of waiting for a real doctor, she made a whole fuss."

"Where's the guy?"

"Dr. Goodwin picked him up. That doctor is mad too, he also said she was a doctor, but that's ridiculous. No woman can be a doctor. That's so many levels of wrong."

Eren felt the urge to punch the man in the mouth, but one glance at the ugly bruise his friend sported reminded him,

"What happened to your face?"

The leader grumbled a bunch of profanities, "That little bitch. I tried to get her off before she messed the guy up anymore and she kicked me."

"In your face?" Eren sounded impressed, and he was when he received a nod of confirmation.

He looked to the direction which you disappeared in and said fine words to the group, "Whether you men like it or not. The world is changing, everyone is free to be who they want. If women can join the military no problem, they can be doctors too."

He saluted before rushing off, not hearing the mutters of annoyance from the men. In all honestly, Eren had no clue on what he was doing.

You were scrubbing off the blood from under your fingernails near a fountain when you hear the shuffle of feet from behind you. You silently hoped it wasn't any of those morons asking for more trouble, but you were pleasantly surprised when your eyes met a pair of green ones from before.

"I'm Eren." You smiled at him, nodding and your smile turned quirked when he stuttered in, "Yeager. Eren Yeager."

Hmm, you had thought, His name suits him. You studied his demeanor, not missing the gear strapped to either sides of his hips or the green hood covering his shoulders. You knew immediately that he was a scout and you wondered if he knew Captain Levi. Before you got the courage to ask him, he beat you to it.

"What did you mean by what you said earlier? Do you really think that? That we're all free to do anything we want here?"

You smiled as you nodded, walking towards a vendors stand and Eren fell into step beside you, you felt nervous around him, but also safe with his company. He watched you as you picked up another apple to inspect.

"We have laws and rules though...so we're not technically all the way free?"

"I'm free to be me, just as you are free to be you...Eren...Yeager."

It was the way the sun hit your face in that moment, highlighting your strong cheekbones and giving a special glint in your eyes that made Eren want to hear your thoughts more. He spent the rest of the day asking you questions, never satisfied with the small responses you gave him and he even walked you home. The mean glare from your mother confused him beyond belief and it was your father's words that made you gasp in surprise that night.

"He's the titan shifter, the one who helped plug up wall Rose."

Your face had turned red in embarrassment, you were talking so casually to a literal titan and you even flirted with him. He even held your basket the entire trip to your house and you didn't even consider how informal you acted with your skirt. You had hitched one of them up your thigh to get better footing and hadn't missed the way Eren blushed at seeing so much skin. You knew the girls in the scouts wore pants, but even then they kept covered.

You were certain Eren wanted nothing else to do with a girl who held little to no morals, but you were caught by pleasant surprise when you saw him with Erwin and Levi the next day in town.

His eyes had immediately found yours and you didn't miss the blush on his cheeks as he gave you a small wave. You couldn't but laugh when Captain Levi suddenly kicked him.

"Who's got you turning red brat?"

"Uh-it's nothing, captain."

He didn't look convinced as you gathered the courage to approach. Erwin acknowledged your presence which Eren was grateful for, but his eyebrows still came down in confusion on how the commander knew your name.

"Y/N!" Erwin gave a polite smile which you returned, "So great to see you. We were actually just about to stop by your house."

"Really? What a coincidence, I was hoping to stop by headquarters today as well." Your smile was bright, and by the way the air around you seemed cheerful, Erwin returned your energy.

"Bearing good news I hope?" He still hesitantly asked.

You nodded as you laughed, "I would love to accept the offer if it still stands."

"Of course it does," Captain Levi scoffed, his arms were folded across his chest. You noted for the first time the soft grey color of his eyes and despite the deep scowl he was currently showing, he had chubby cheeks that made you want to squish, "We wouldn't be coming all this way for nothing."

"I thought we were coming to collect a new scout, Captain Levi." Eren asked, you felt yourself blush in realization that he had no clue it was actually you they were referring to.

"We are," Levi grabbed you by your arm and yanked you towards him as he pointed at you while looking at Eren like he was an idiot, "Meet the scout's new doctor. Dr. Y/L/N meet Eren-"

"Yeager." You finished, smiling towards Eren, "We've met."

Erwin and Levi exchanged looks as they watched you and Eren smiled at each other like a pair of idiots, the realization dawning over them and Erwin couldn't fight the smirk that crossed his face. Small world, he thought.

Six months had passed since the first fateful encounter you had with Eren. You had long since moved out of your home and besides the occasional secret letter from your father, you hadn't heard nor seen the rest of your family since your decision to become a doctor for the scouts.

It was a transition to go through as you lost one family and gained a new one, but everyone was so accepting and welcoming. The girls welcomed you with open arms, most notably was Sasha whose habit of eating everything and anything brought her to the infirmary on more than one occasion, Connie usually followed right behind her with a minor injury resulting from his carelessness. You had met Floch when he brought Jean in from a sparring session gone wrong and he immediately took a liking to you. Your level-headedness was like a breath of fresh air to him as he was constantly sorrounded by people he thought were idiots. Jean liked your confidence (The fact that you were easy on the eyes, didn't hurt either), Mikasa respected the way you didn't hesitate to put people in their place, and Armin admired that despite your obvious toughness, you were a kind and patient doctor who never turned anyone away. You were diligent and hard-working, yet your smile was always able to uplift any sour mood and you always put your best foot forward. The one time he had puked all over your hospital floor from eating too much undercooked meat was embarrassing for him, he thought for sure you were going to be angry and call him an idiot. Instead, you took his temperature, put a cold cloth on his head (despite his titan status guaranteeing a speedy recovery), and started a healthier diet plan for him. Armin was scheduled a weekly checkup with you, partly to ensure he was listening and partly for you to study him a bit more. Your research on the titan's ability to regenerate and recover from even the worst injuries was fascinating for you, you hoped to isolate the genes and figure out a way to maybe trigger it in regular Eldians without setting off the titan ability, the fact that Eren made it a habit to accompany Armin didn't hurt either.

Eren had grown attached to you, whenever he wasn't busy or in need of a place to hide from Captain Levi's wrath or Hange's insistence to poke and prod him, he would be hanging out around you or in your office. At one point you had to hide him under your desk when Commander Erwin stopped by to hold a meeting with you about providing first aid training to the scouts for excursions. You were always welcomed to accompany them outside the walls, but your work was enough to make you stay. You recalled the way Eren was pressed against your legs, the feel of his hands steadying himself on your calves and when your skirt had shifted up when you reached for one of the records, you felt Eren brush his fingertips along the muscle. You had stammered the rest of the meeting through and smacked him afterwards for putting you in such a compromising position. You were blushing furiously at the way he gave such a boyish grin and even that night while he walked you to your small cottage, he had a satisfied smile in place.

You always knew you liked Eren, you were also hopeful that the feeling was mutual. The both of you had grown close over the course of your stay, as the head doctor you were given your own living quarters, not too far from headquarters but not so close to the city that you would be given a hard time. Your cottage was fair in size and with the amount of income you were receiving, you were quick to furnish and decorate it to your liking. Eren had even helped by adding his own touches to the interior. The times you would go to the city with him was always met with many curious stares. Your age and gender made many turn heads when you walked in, the fact that you were the youngest and by far prettiest doctor the scouts had ever had made people naturally gravitate to you. Your ability to make friends quickly also made it that almost every weekend you were entertaining guests at your house. Sometimes it would be dinner with Sasha, Niccolo, and Connie. Other times you would be knitting and embroidering with Mikasa and Armin, there was even game nights with everyone until Jean and Eren became too competitive with one another. Other times when the higher ups had meetings (All of which you had to attend since you technically held an officer position within the military branch) you would offer your house where you all shared cups of tea and your famous baked goods. You had even seen Captain Levi grab seconds on your sugar cookies.

It was the times when Eren would swing by alone that caused your heart to flutter, he would walk you home almost every night now. At first he would find the poorest excuses to see you like needing a bandaid for his wrist from the biting (even though by the time you gave him the gauze it would be healed over completely) or try to "casually" be around the area when you would get out at three in the morning. Eventually your amusement turned to you asking him to walk you home every night under the guise that you were afraid of being targeted or hurt, even though everyone had seen you body-slam Reiner the one time he tried to hit on you when you were stitching up his eyebrow from an ugly gash. Nonetheless, Eren accepted. You would invite him in for tea every time and he would even bring you lunch on days he failed to see you in the cafeteria. It seemed like everyone under the sun knew about you and Eren's crushes on one another, so it was also a pain in the ass that neither of you had yet to make a move on one another. Even Erwin had assumed you two were together the one morning he stopped by your house on your day off to ask for your aid for a soldier who had broken their arm from a training exercise, his eyes had grown wide upon seeing you open the door in only your nightgown, you were rubbing the sleep from your eyes as you invited him in for breakfast.

Upon walking in, he immediately saw Eren exiting your bathroom in his casual jeans, his hair was wet and sticking up from the steam of the shower. Eren wasn't wearing a shirt and before Erwin could excuse himself completely you quickly explained how you hadn't wanted him to walk outside so late so he slept on your couch. You were washing his clothes and had left them out to dry and Erwin could only nod and stop himself from suggesting for Eren to bring spare clothes to yours, remembering that it wasn't his place to push or even encourage his team's doctor and titan-shifter to date even though by the way he saw you put jelly on Eren's toast while he made your cup of tea with three sugars was enough for him to almost just order the two of you to date. Instead, he gave a long rant to Levi, wondering aloud whether Eren was either oblivious to your affections or just an idiot, Levi only replied with, "Did you happen to bring any of the toast she made?"...he did and Levi later on answered, "He's just an idiot." while licking the excess jelly off his fingers.

It was another day at headquarters, the mid-summer day was hot and since the flow of traffic had been slow inside the infirmary, you found yourself mostly in the officer's lounge. You had opted to wear a long sleeve empire waist dress, the top had ruffles along your collar and the soft pink of the dress complimented your skin tone. It fell around mid-thigh and the black shoes you wore with them completed your overall look. Eren had stared at your bare legs for a while until he noted your haircut. You had only cut off the ends but your heart did a flip as you blushed from him noticing. You had been chatting with Hange about your research while Moblit spoke to Eren about the new set of routes to be taken during their next trip beyond the walls when Captain Levi walked in. Hange waved him over and he fell easily beside you.

"Hey." His arm brushing against yours and you hummed in response, leaning a bit towards him which didn't go unnoticed by Eren.

"Levi, did you take your medicine this morning?" About two weeks ago you had caught the captain asleep at his desk for the fourth time. You knew he overworked himself and refused to sleep in his bed no matter how many therapeutic pillows you got him, but while he was out like a light you decided to check his blood pressure, only to find it alarmingly high. You figured the amount of stress and cups of caffeinated tea were to blame. Levi kept in good shape, but considering his age and the fact that he never even considers laughing, you prescribed him medications to be take every morning and cut him off from his usual tea leaves. The former was easier to push as the calcium and magnesium capsules were easy to swallow, it was getting rid of all the tins in his desk that made him a bit unbearable to the new recruits.

He let out an annoyed grunt as he nodded. Your smile was soft as you put an encouraging hand on his arm and Eren was officially not listening to Moblit anymore.

"Thanks for sticking to your diet, Captain Levi. As a token of my appreciation, I got you these." You didn't let him reply, quick to act as always as you reached into the small basket you had brought and grabbed his hand to put the gray tin of loose leaves that you took out in his palm.

As usual, the captain was unfazed by your lack of appreciation for personal space. The past few weeks had done well to teach him how despite being yelled at, threatened, and even outright ignored at times, your cheeriness was impossible to diminish and you did whatever the heck you wanted even when it was at times impulsive.

"What is it?" He looked between you and the tin, the slight sneer on his upper lip making you release a giggle before you tapped the bow you tied on it.

"It's tea leaves." He raised a slim eyebrow which made you roll your eyes, "Decaffeinated tea."

"Let me guess, it tastes like shit." His eyes flickered to the purple bow, "Or it'll make me shit."

You laughed, you upper body leaning on his as you attempted to catch your breath. The joke wasn't that funny but the face he made was. You giggled as you shook your head and Hange watched in bemusement as you elaborated,

"It's the tea I always serve and judging by the three cups you had last time, I'm positive you'll like it."

Levi let out a nod, he hadn't even noticed that the tea you served had no caffeine but the heavy notes of honey in it probably explained its sweetness. He gave a quiet thank you before his scowl returned,

"So that's why I was on the crapper all night after the last meeting."

"With a potty mouth like that, it's not wonder you don't have a girlfriend." You deadpanned.

"I feel bad for the poor bastard who falls in love with you."

You let out a small tsk, smiling at him and hoping Eren heard as you said, "Well that depends if he admits he feels the same way."

Captain Levi quirked an eyebrow at you, his eyes knowing and you blushed under his stare. Your fingers fiddling behind your back and Eren hated the way Levi suddenly chuckled at you. His smile was a rarity and to have him giving it to you only meant one thing to Eren; the captain liked you.

"So there is someone you like? Who's the poor brat?"

When you were about to make another snide remark, Hange cut in and excused herself and Moblit.

"As fascinating as this is, there's a captured titan waiting my arrival and if I don't get to use this research Dr. Y/L/N just gave me before nightfall, I will lose my mind."

"I hadn't heard of us ever finding it to begin with." Levi sighed, taking a lock of your hair between his fingers and letting the curl bounce back before he excused himself to tag along with them.

"Someone's got to make sure four eyes doesn't get killed."

"That's why Moblit is going with her." You noted.

"And who do you think will make sure Moblit doesn't get killed?" He smiled once more, "Laters doc."

You waved goodbye to the three, the door clicking behind them and you turned to see Eren with his arms crossed. He was pouting like a child and you wondered what his deal was. You figured with your earlier comment, he would be over the moon to hear you hinting at liking him. You skipped up to him, getting on the tips of your toes as you poked his cheek.

"What's the matter? You look like a scolded child."

"Nothing." He muttered, looking away as his jaw clenched and you only poked him once more.

"Liar." You called him out, "Talk to me."

"You didn't answer Captain Levi's question."

You were sure that there was a giant question mark on top of your head, the gear in your mind shifting as you tried to recall what the captain asked before your mouth opened in realization. You couldn't help but smile as you looked down at Eren's shoes and he only seemed to grow angrier as he watched you blush.

"About my crush? Oh! Well I wouldn't call him a brat, but I guess his attitude could often warrant that title. He's got this sort of this determined mentality that I guess some people can find...overbearing." You played with the cuff of your dress, "But I personally find it charming."

"So he's charming?"

You hummed as you smiled, "He's a bit rough around the edges, but he always means well. He's easy on the eyes too. Got really nice hair and pretty colored eyes that makes me swoon around him. Not to mention his body looks like Zeus could be his father." To add emphasis, your body leaned side to side as you laughed.

Eren snorted, his eyes rolling as he thought of any guy he knew that was like you described. All he could think of was Captain Levi and Erwin. He hated to think of Levi as charming, but he was rough all around. Erwin had eyes that Historia had once described as pretty, but to think of you being attracted to someone as old as him made his stomach flip.

"Want to head back to my office?" You suggested, not wanting to leave Eren's side until he figured it out but also not wanting to stick around in case other officers walked in. You got a stiff nod and wanted to giggle when Eren still opened the door for you. As the both of you walked through the large building, you added a hop to your step as you continued,

"He's also such a gentleman. He respects me, he's never intimidated by my sharp wit, always opens doors for me, waits until I'm sitting before he starts eating, and he almost seems proud of me being a doctor. He's just so understanding and sure of himself as a man that I guess the idea of having a girlfriend in my position would never make him feel inferior." You turned to look at Eren sideways and noticed his shoulders hunched, you knew it was cruel how you kept teasing him but were hopeful that it would click for him soon, so you went on.

"Wow, sounds like a real keeper." He grumbled, now thinking of Jean or even Connie. Armin was too occupied with Annie and Reiner was too obsessed with Historia to hang around you. There was no way Beruto/Borrito/Bertoto would catch your eye as you had made it a point to always get his name wrong, but Connie made you laugh and Jean was always extra nice to you.

"I'm telling you, I think he's perfect. He's dependable, strong, and we share so many of the same ideas. I could talk to him for hours and never be bored and when I'm not with him, I feel...sad. I just constantly want to be by his side and if I'm not I want him to be thinking about me because that's exactly what I do."

You both entered your office, you walked up to your desk as you spoke, turning around and leaning against it to look at Eren. He had closed your door a little harder than necessary, the wood shaking against the frame as he crossed his arms and leaned his back on the door. He looked downright irritated and you bit your lip to keep from laughing.

"So why haven't you told him?"

You shrugged, "I think I've been pretty obvious about it, I'm always smiling when he's in the room, I always want to be with him, there's never a day where we don't walk together. I even wore this dress for him today."

You waved down at your figure, Eren's eyes looked over you twice and you jumped up on your desk, your thighs parting as you let the short skirt cover your panties and barely cover the tops of your thighs.

"I'm sure he'll love it." Eren spit out.

"I don't know..." You tilted your head, "Do you?"

Eren pushed himself off the door, going to your bookcase and letting his fingers brush the spines of the books, "It doesn't matter what I think. I'm not Mr. Pretty eyes. Sounds like a simpleton to me."

You let out an actual deep sigh and Eren met you with furrowed brows.

"What?"

"You're so fucking dense, Eren."

"What did I say?" He threw his hands up, "Just because I called him simple? I'm so sorry I don't care to hear you go on and on about this guy. I never thought I'd see you bend over backwards for some guy who opens doors for you. I thought you would have higher standards than that."

You let out a snort, "Keep talking Yeager, and I just might higher them."

"I mean I never thought looks would be so important to you. It's so-"

"So what?" Your tongue had a sharp edge that did not go unnoticed by Eren. He stood only a few feet from your desk, but you saw the awkward shift in his posture.

"Shallow." He spit out.

"Excuse me?" You gave him a look that said if he wouldn't apologize in the next ten seconds, he would surely live to regret it.

"What I mean is...what guy could possibly have this head over heels and you're just now telling me? I thought...I thought we-" He stopped, looking to the side and you relaxed before saying,

"We what, Eren?"

"I thought we had something special." He muttered. He looked to see your mouth opened in a small gasp and he began to turn to exit when you quietly beckoned him over.

"Eren...come here."

"No, I should g-"

"Please." You begged and the look in your eyes brought him to stand in front of you. Your hands reached for his shirt, yanking him forward and you hooked your legs around his calves. Eren gaped at you, not knowing what to do and say as you put one hand on his shoulder and the other cupped his cheek.

"You are such a dumbass." You laughed, "The person I've been going on and on about, that simpleton you bashed, is you. It's always been you, Eren."

It was like watching a light flicker on very very slowly, but once it was on you watched as embarrassment flooded Eren. His smile was sheepish and stupid as he stuttered over his words. His hands rested on your hips and you stroked his face from his temple to jaw as you asked,

"Do you maybe feel the same way?"

You didn't get a verbal answer, the sudden kiss Eren laid on you was an answer enough. His lips were soft and warm as they moved against your own, his tongue enveloped yours and you felt him lean more onto you. The moan that slipped out his mouth when you bit his bottom lip made something tighten in your stomach.

When you two finally broke apart you didn't miss the trail of saliva that connected the two of you and you whimpered for more. The second kiss was heavier, a clash of teeth and tongues as Eren feverishly wrestled to touch you everywhere his hands could reach. You felt him press against your core, the loud gasp you let out made him look at you in concern.

"Sorry, sorry. I'll stop if you want me to."

You shook your head as you met those green eyes that held you captive since day one, "More. I want more."

The smirk was something you had never seen, his eyes became half-lidded as Eren kissed your nose. Then your chin, then your neck. When he reached your collar, his finger hooked onto the top of your dress, pulling the fabric down as he kissed just above your breast.

"She wants more." He said to himself, the soft rasp in his voice made you attempt to close your legs. His hands pushed what little that had covered your legs up and Eren's fingers brushed your core.

The jump you gave made his smirk grow, "I haven't even touched you yet."

He saw the small patch of dampness on your panties, and before you could ask him what he was doing, you let out a sharp gasp when his fingers pushed the fabric to the side and he plunged two fingers into your pussy.

The moan he ripped from you was like music to his ears and as he began to slowly pump his fingers in and out he watched as your face became hot and red. It was uncomfortable as first, you could even say it hurt but that didn't stop you from rocking your hips up to meet his eager hands. You weren't entirely prepared as you felt a bit tense as Eren kissed your neck, the suckling on your flesh making small breathy whimpers leave your mouth. His other hand's fingers hovered over the buttons on the back of your dress and his eyes asked for permission as he glanced up at you.

A small tentative nod was all he received before he took out his hand from between your legs, his tongue skillfully licking the digits cleaned and you didn't think you would find such an act so erotic. You arm hooked around his neck as you brought him down to a kiss, you could taste yourself on his lips as he kissed you back eagerly, his fingers skillfully working the buttons on your dress and you wondered for a brief moment if he had ever done such an act before. You pushed the thoughts away, not wanting to lose focus or confidence while in the middle of being with Eren by letting unnecessary insecure creep into your heart. As if being able to read your mind, Eren said-

"Stop being in your head," A hard kiss against your lips, "Be here with me."

His nose rubbed sweetly against yours, fingers tilting your head up as you gave a hesitant nod. Your eyes wanted to focus anywhere but his eyes and you could felt warmth spread across your cheeks when the sleeves of your dress fell down your arms. The idea of letting Eren see all of you was as exciting as it was nerve-wrecking, the most he ever saw was your legs and back from that one time you walked out of the bath in only a towel. Seeing him shirtless was not new but you still felt your breath catch in your throat as you watched him yank the material off. Your hands explored the newly exposed skin, fingers dipping in every curve of muscle and your hand rested just above the waistband of his jeans. You noticed his breathing grow heavy, Eren's head falling forward on your exposed shoulder where you felt him nip and suck on the soft flesh. You returned the favor by kissing him on the chest, your eyes still casted downwards as you fumbled with the buckle on his belt, you let out a small curse from how hard your hands were shaking and Eren placed a gentle hand on top of yours, his eyes alight with amusement as his lips curved into a soft smile.

"Baby, relax." He murmured, he pushed your hands aside as he took over the task. You let out a deep breath as you heard the sound of his zipper being tugged down and you decided to be bold. You lowered the upper half of your dress, the cotton falling off your arms with ease and you blushed furiously once you remembered that you hardly ever wore bras and today was no different.

Your nipples were taut as you shivered from the cold air in your office and Eren stared at you in wonder his eyes raking your body as you looked to the side and brought your bottom lip in between your teeth.

"Fuck, can I touch you?" Eren blurted, his hands still near his trousers and you giggled when he added a last second, "Please."

Nodding, you figured it was time to stop feeling so shy. You had been dreaming about this moment for months, yet as the man you loved stood before you, eager to be with you, all you could think about was how scared you were that you wouldn't be enough to satisfy him.

One more glance at the way he watched you was enough for you to think, If he really didn't, he wouldn't be looking at me as if I put all the stars in the sky.

You felt the second wind of confidence hit you and you took Eren by surprise as you hooked your fingers on his belt loops and tugged the fabric down. You palmed him through the thin material of his briefs and his hips jerked from the contact before he melted against you. Lowering the elastic, your small hand wrapped itself around his shaft and you took a moment to admire his dick. It was something new and foreign to you, for a moment you wondered if all male penises looked like that but you pushed that thought aside as you found yourself not really wanting to ever know, as long as Eren's would be the only one you saw. You hand moved up and down, your thumb brushing across his tip as you swiped some of the liquid leaking out to use as lube.

You knew he was a few inches above average, the thickness was also enough to make you worry for a moment whether he would be able to fit in you as his fingers struggling to push inside of you were of any indication of how tight your body was. Either way you were determined to satisfy the both of you, the idea of him using you and watching his face come apart as he milked himself dry using only your pussy had your head feeling fuzzy with want. He rested his head on you, causing your body to lean back and you pressed one palm on your desk behind you and the other jerked him off a bit sloppily. His moans filled the space of your office, you secretly prayed to the gods that the scouts could be smart enough for once to not be injured or to be able to at least handle it themselves and your eyes flickered to the door for a moment.

"Eren," You murmured to the shell of his ear, his heavy breaths fanning across the span of your chest and you felt both your bodies getting hot. "The door, we need to lock the door."

His groan was the only response you got as he trailed kisses up your neck and shoulder, and you resisted the urge to roll your eyes, he was such a guy sometimes. You began to lower yourself from the desk before his hand on your leg suddenly halted your movements and he gave you a lazy smile, his half lidded eyes softly rolling as he let out an obnoxious groan of annoyance.

"I'll do it." He didn't even bother to tuck himself back into his briefs, his dick fully erect as he made way to your door. You felt your hand falling to your side and you bit your lip as you thought about what you wanted to do twice before letting your own hand push the fabric of your underwear to the side once more. You rubbed at your clit lazily as you softly moaned, your eyes closing at the sensation and you smiled when you heard the soft, "Shit." coming from a few feet ahead of you. Eren's eyes were transfixed on you, the way your head rolled back as your moans became louder and higher pitched was making him painfully hard and he wanted-no needed to be inside of you before he was sure he would come right then and there.

Your eyes were still closed when you felt him settle between your legs once more, eyes hazy and smile lazy as you felt him tug your panties down your legs. Your ass lifted briefly to help and you giggled when he grunted in annoyance from having to shuffle backwards to slip them off completely. He laughed with you as his hand cupped you by your jaw, lips finding yours in a tender kiss and the hand that had been rubbing at your clit was used to steady yourself by his shoulder. His muscles flexed under your touch and your breaths intermingled as he stared at you with such an intensity that you felt your stomach flip. You looked down to where he rubbed his length along your folds and gulped.

"I-I'm nervous." You admitted, cheeks blushing and Eren kissed your temple.

"It's okay, I'll take care of you. Do you trust me?" You gasped at the intensity in his eyes, Eren Yeager was one who never beat around the bush and you felt tears pool around your eyes as you nodded. Everything leading up to this moment overwhelmed you suddenly, losing your family, gaining your dream job, becoming independent so quickly, and falling in love with a man who turned into what so many feared but who let you place` flower crowns on his head during tea parties. He continued to maintain eye contact with you, your lips parting and eyes partly closing as he began to push past your labia. It all felt too much, but you wouldn't want to be anywhere else in that exact moment Eren pressed his tip into your passageway. There was a bit of resistance and the guttural moan he released made your eyes widen in an audible gasp, he looked ethereal with reddened cheeks, a slacked opened jaw, eyes that looked close to tears, and thin layer of sweat making his dark brown locks stick to his forehead.

He pushed another inch in, trying his best to not act too quickly or too harshly. All he wanted to do was fucking ruin you. Mark you as his by impregnating you and watching as you took every drop of his semen. It seemed you wanted it too as your hips jerked forward and took in another inch.

"Eren, please." You had no idea what you were asking for, he was being slow and gentle and as much as you appreciated his mindfulness, it had been six long months and if you had to go through another night of humping your pillow or rubbing one out with only fantasies of Eren touching you (Sometimes even Levi, depending on how much alcohol you had consumed) you were gong to scream.

Another inch and a deep chuckle was his response. Your eyes were set ablaze as the realization that he was teasing you.

"Please what baby?"

"Give it to me." You whispered, your hand tugging at his hair harshly and the hiss of pain he released was simultaneous when he completely thrusted his entire length into you. Your thighs jerked at the sudden intrusion and the cry you let out was loud enough that if anybody were nearby, the would have assumed someone struck you. Your hand smacked against his chest, your breath ragged as you attempted to give Eren an angry glance but your pussy betrayed you as it clenched hard around him.

You both released a gasp when Eren fully bottomed out inside you. His hips flush against your parted thighs and your foreheads pressed against one another, lips brushing but not kissing yet as you two came to terms of what was being done. You and Eren were one, there was no going back from what was about to transpire and you silently prayed that he wouldn't regret it later.

"Stop being in your head," He murmured against your mouth, eyes looking into yours, "Be here..."

He gave a heavenly thrust and you felt his arms wrap themselves around your waist as he forced you to fall back onto your desk with a small uff and your hands fell onto his shoulders. Your legs locked around his waist and the new angle caused him to be deeper inside you, but he continued to stare at your with that same admiration from that day he had met you.

"With me."

You nodded slowly, kissing Eren for what felt like the first time. A bit shyly and unsure as your mouth moved against his slowly, you savored the taste of tea and something sweet from his tongue and you let one of your hands hold him by his face as the other found solace in his hair.

Eren began to thrust into you, the rhythm a bit off at first as you two tried to find what worked and when he dipped his hips a little and heard the string of filthy words leaving your mouth, he gave a knowing smirk.

"Hmm, right there princess?"

You panted, your tongue lolling out as his began to go faster. One of your hands shot out to the side to brace yourself on something when Eren began to fuck you harder and instead you turned to see you hand knocked your bottle of ink over, the deep blue liquid was spilling everywhere but before you could let your brain process the mess, Eren began to suck on the flesh of your neck that you exposed when you moved your head. You moaned as you closed your eyes at the overwhelming sensations of it all, your hands grabbing at the muscles in his back and you arched your own and pressed your chest into him.

"Oh fuck," Eren moaned out, "This pussy is so good. You're taking me so well, princess."

"Yeah?" You panted out, "Going to cum in me, baby?"

Eren picked himself up on his forearms, too preoccupied with how pretty your tits looks bouncing with each thrust to notice the your hair was sprawled all over and the upper part of his arm was touching something wet, he figured it was the sweat you two were producing with your coupling.

"I'm gonna get you pregnant, make you mine forever."

"I'm yours!" You screamed as his hips slammed particularly harder down onto your own.

"Choke me, make me a mommy, cum in me, just please don't stop fucking me." You cried out, and a new sort of excitement showed in his eyes, his hand cupped just below your jaw and the light pressure he put on you made you moan louder.

The sounds of skin smacking, panting breaths, and heavy moans filled the air. Eren coaxing you to come all over his dick as you begged him to not pull out of you echoed of the walls of your office. You went on like that for a good while and you giggled in realization that your silent wish for everyone to leave the two of you alone for a while had come true.

Unbeknownst to you two, there had almost been three interruptions. The first being Captain Levi who wanted to ask if mixing his blood pressure medicine with wine would be too dangerous, but when he heard you scream he almost barged in before the unmistakable moan that followed made him fully come to a halt. He didn't even think twice about what was transpiring, briefly remembering that Eren was in fact with you this morning before quickly turning around and hauled ass as far from the hallway as he could. He wasn't sure where he was heading before he stumbled into Erwin's office, the commander looking up to see his captain look like he just ran a marathon.

"Levi? You look like you just saw a ghost?" His eyebrows creased, "Are you okay?"

"Yeager isn't as dense as we thought."

Eren stood to his full height, grabbing at your ankles and moving your legs onto his shoulders to they were fully parallel to his body. You let out another giggle at how your ankles were now on either side of his head, but the small kiss he gave your right one made you let out a noise of adoration. He gripped your hips, smiling as he noted the streaks of something blue all over your chest and neck but decided against telling you as your pussy began to pulsate around him. There was no way in hell he was going to stop you from orgasming.

The second time was Sasha and Connie as they wanted to ask if eating candies with the wrapper still on was anything they needed to worry about, but the sounds of your desk scraping across the floor with Eren commending you for being a good girl and taking him so well made the both of them stare at each other with wide eyes. The "Huh?"'s they exchanged were amusing to anyone else and Sasha grabbed Connie by the collar before they hightailed out of there. Connie wanting to see if Eren had really been capable of pulling you and Sasha calling it bullshit and stating that the real reason was that he wanted to see you naked.

His thrusts became wild and sloppy, the slushing sounds you two were making was the hottest sounds you ever heard. You held onto his wrists, your smile wide and beautiful and Eren knew he wasn't going to be able to hold out much longer.

"I'm not gonna last long," He let you know, you nodded as you reached down to rub your clit in circles.

"Fuck, you look so hot." He blurted, his cheeks a deeper red and you gave him another soft smile.

"Thanks, baby. You too." His abs were going to be the death of you and you hoped you would get the chance to suck him off later to lick them one by one in foreplay.

You felt him begin to twitch in you and you knew you were so close, your rubbing speeding up as Eren's thrusts were becoming more sporadic. The way his eyes began to roll upwards had you chanting,

"I'm-I'm cumming!" Your moan was breathy and high as you felt your release overwhelm your senses, you felt euphoria as you moaned so loud that Jean and Floch who didn't believe Connie when he said that Eren had managed to bed you stared at each other with wide eyes and gaped mouths as they stood outside your door. Their cheeks red as they rushed down the hallway as if their asses were on fire, not even halfway down the stairs when they felt their collars yanked at so harshly they almost trampled down, Captain Levi's glare knowing as he began to reprimand them for being nosy pricks.

Eren's cock dove into you hard and you felt him pulsate as he shot long ropes of cum into you, his essence overflowing as he filled you to the brim and painted your insides white.

His moan was unbelievably loud and low, the "I love you." That followed didn't go unnoticed by you and the smile he gave, made you realize how much he meant it.

"I love you." Your answered back, he pushed your thighs to your chest when he lowered himself to kiss you. His cock softening inside you and he slowed his thrusts down and milked himself dry. He tapped his tip on your sensitive clit, making sure he was empty before tucking himself back into his boxers and jeans. The creampie in you was beginning to ooze out and he used his two fingers to push it back in, your hips bucking at the intrusion and you whined about your sensitivity.

You sat up, your hand going to fix your hair, only groaning slightly when you felt the ink on some strands already drying. You huffed before jumping down and fixing your dress. Eren was putting his shirt back on, his back slightly turned to you and your eyes widened in embarrassment at seeing the blue ink in what was obviously your finger prints streaked all over. You looked down and saw that it had well faded from your hands, transferring to your lover who put on his jacket. You shrugged, figuring no one would see it and you could wash your hands later. Your hair would be a bit tricky to explain but you would be home to shower soon anyway, which reminded you-

"Do you want to stay over tonight?" You blurted, scaring Eren as his eyes widened, you bit the inside of your cheek and fumbled with your fingers.

He smiled, walking up to you and kissing you on the lips before replying, "I would love to. I have to do some work today, and pack an overnight bag but I'll be home by dinner." His eyes looked you over, stifling a laugh when he saw the marks of blue ink on your neck, debating on telling you but not being able to deny how cute they looked on you, a gentle reminder of what happened just moments ago and an odd turn on for him to think of it as him marking you as his, the lovebite also on the side making him watch you with love.

You nodded before giving a follow-up question, "Chicken or fish?"

"Fish." He nodded, you grabbed a few papers from your desk drawer and Eren asked if you were all set before taking your hand into his as the two of you began to walk out the office, you mentioned having to speak to Erwin about the cadet recovering from a broken limb and Eren listened patiently, your hands swinging in between the two of you and you both relished at how easy it felt to transition into a life of domestication together. He walked you to Erwin's office, his knuckles knocking on the door before a loud, "One minute!" replied.

You both shared a look of confusion before shrugging and stepping to the side. You fixing his hair and Eren's hand resting on top of your hips when the office door opened. You both turned to see Jean and Floch who sported sullen faces, their arms swinging in front of them as if they were children just denied a cone of ice cream.

"Boys?" You called, your free hand interlocking with Eren who stood in place as you took a step toward the pair. "Everything alright?"

They looked between you and Eren, Jean seeing the ink marks on your neck and seeing Eren's hair haphazard was enough to make him look to the floor, his cheeks reddening and Eren could only smirk. Floch was the opposite, he couldn't take his eyes off you as his face held a permanent grimace and you wondered if he was constipated.

"Baby," Eren called, tugging you back to him and Jean scoffed, Possessive ass is already showing her off. He thought to himself.

"They just got yelled at by Erwin, whatever they did was obviously bad, just leave them be."

You nodded in understanding, giving them a comforting smile and Floch didn't miss the knowing look in Eren's eyes.

"Sorry to hear about that. If you two ever need anything, you know where my office is."

"Yeah, that's the problem." Captain Levi's voice came from the doorway. Jean and Floch mumbled a quick goodbye before scurrying away and you couldn't help but fall into deeper confusion.

The captain and Eren exchanged looks before Eren bent to kiss your cheek.

"I got to go. I'll see you later, princess." You blushed at the nickname and public display, murmuring a soft okay in reply as your boyfriend? walked away from you.

You gave Levi a smile which he didn't return, you didn't miss the small blush on his cheeks and you figured it was from seeing such intimacy from Eren. You were almost positive Levi was still a virgin. Walking into Erwin's office, you all but skipped the man's desk, falling beside him and giving him a bright smile which he returned.

"Hey Erwin, just wanted to update you on the cadet's recovery plan. He should be back in training in a few months if he listens to my instructions, think you can help me?"

"Sure what do you need?"

"Well, I'd need you to sign these release forms first." You shrugged putting the papers in front of him, you looked at his desk and grabbed the pen, "Where's your ink?"

The chuckle the two men gave you made your eyebrows furrow in confusion.

"What?"

"Seems like you're wearing it, Doc." Levi's eyes flickered to your neck.

You let out a gasp and your hands slapped to cover you and the laughs that followed only made you blush furiously.

Dammit, You thought, Eren you idiot.

[booksrbetterthanpeople]

Artist Family Values?

Everything is calm. Marinette, Alix, and Rose are playing funeral in the backyard; Felix is helping Juleka write a love note to Rose, confessing her feelings; Nathaniel is arm wrestling That and losing

Marc: Nathaniel, wonderful news. My mother is going to have a baby and she wants us to have it... Right now.

*Several hours of excruciatingly painful labor later*

Little girl: And then mommy kissed daddy, and the angel told the stork. The stork flew down from heaven and left a diamond under a leaf in the cabbage patch, and the diamond turned into a baby.

Marinette: They had sex.

*Later*

Rose: Nathaniel!

Juleka: What news?

Marinette: Nathaniel, what is it?

Nathaniel: It’s an Artist!

The baby’s name is Kiran. He has black eyes and was born with fangs

Marinette and Alix immediately hate the baby and do everything they can to get rid of him. Guillotine, shooting him, dropping him from the roof

Marc: Mari. Alix. Why do you hate the baby?

Alix: We don’t hate him. We just wanna play with him.

Marinette: Especially his head.

To keep Kira out of trouble, Marc and Nathaniel hire a nanny. Lila.

Juleka immediately hates her because of how she’s taken a liking to Rose. Little does she know that she isn’t in love with the blonde. She’s a black widow out for their fortune.

Noticing that Marinette and Alix are onto her, Lila makes it seem like they wanna go to summer camp so they’re not in her way.

Nathaniel: *Disgusted* Fresh air. The scent of pine.

Chloé: Hi. I'm Chloé Bourgeois. Why are you dressed like that?

Marinette: Like what?

Chloé: Like you're going to a funeral. Why are you dressed like somebody died?

Marinette: Wait.

While at camp, Marinette and Alix make enemies of the popular bratty rich kids and allies out of the outcasts (The Akuma class)

Marinette finds herself glaring at a certain boy from America who glares right back at her... It’s Damian.

Back at the Artists’ home, Rose finds herself falling in love with Lila, much to Juleka’s anger but no one seems to notice

Marc and Nathaniel invite them to a gothic bistro

Lila: I just can't tell. Does she like me at all?

Marc: Of course she does. She pulled out her hair at the sight of you.

Marc and Nathaniel perform the badass tango from the movie

Meanwhile at the cemetery, Lila and Rose get engaged surprisingly quickly

Rose: Good news! I’m engaged!

Juleka: What?! *Felix pats her back for comfort*

Lila: *Shows the ring*

Marc: That ring.

Nathaniel: It was my grandmother’s. She was burried with it.

Lila: *Holds up a shovel*

Later that night at the camp, Alix and Marinette attempt to escape with some help from Damian, but are caught by the brat campers and are forced to sing Kumbaya

Damian and Marinette find themselves becoming closer

Damian: You know... I’m pretty good with a knife myself.

Marinette: ... *Holds Damian’s hand*

Escape attempt #2 is a success. When they hear about the wedding, Marinette and Alix have to go and see if it’ll be a train wreck. Of course, Marinette invites Damian as her plus one.

It’s surprisingly pleasant. Everyone’s dressed in black, the flower girl is tossing dead petals on the ground.

“I do.” “Ditto.” Marinette catches the bouquet.

Damian: Now you have to get married.

Marinette: It’s not binding.

On their honemoon, Lila attempts to kill Rose by dropping a toaster in her bath. Unfortunately for her, Rose is immune to death by electrocution

Needing a new plan and for the Artists to stay out of her way, Lila forbids Rose from seeing or speaking to em ever again.

Meanwhile at camp, Alix shoots an endangered bird!

Camp director 1: It’s a white tailed eagle!

Camp director 2: Aren’t they endangered?

Marinette: They are now

Juleka is sulking after receiving a letter from Rose, saying she can’t see them ever again.

Juleka: Have I done something, said something? Why does she despise me?

Nathaniel: Rose adores you.

Juleka: I'd do anything for her. At her request, I would rip out my eyes. At her command, I would crawl on my stomach through hot coals and broken glass.

Marc: ... You’re in love with Rose?

Back at camp, the directors announce that the campers will be performing the poorly written and quite racist play about the first Thanksgiving

Chloé will be playing Sarah Miller, the outcasts will play the Native Americans, and Marinette will be playing Pocahontas.

Marinette passes out at the announcement

Meanwhile, the Artists visit Rose and Lila at their pristine white mansion.

Juleka: So these are the gates of hell.

Lila forced them to leave, and Rose, out of fear, backs her up.

Marc: I see Lila that you have placed Rose under some strange sexual spell. I respect that. But please, may we see her?

Lila: No!

Marc: You have gone too far. You have married Rose. You have destroyed her spirit. You have taken her from us. All that I could forgive. But, Lila...

Lila: What?!

Marc: ... Pastels?

They leave, but not before Juleka curses Lila.

They try to go to the police, but they won’t take them seriously, and Nathaniel makes the following announcement

Nathaniel: I shall not submit! I shall conquer! I shall rise! My name is Nathaniel Artist, and I have seen evil! *Juleka holds up Kiran* I have seen horror! *Felix waves* I have seen the unholy maggots which feast in the dark recesses of the human soul.

Marc: They’re at camp.

Speaking of camp. The main 3 attempt to escape again, but are caught by the other campers and are soon forced into the Harmony Hut where they’re forced to watch Disney Movies.

Hours without food or drinks later, and they come out looking pale and traumatized

Marinette snaps out of it and traumatizes them back by smiling

With the Artists, something horrible has happened to Kiran. He blonde and has blue eyes!

Marc: My brother!

Nathaniel: *Faints*

Juleka: *Reading from spell book* “Infant possessions. These terrifying changes are most often the result of a troubled family life.”

Marc: Rose!

Juleka: If we don’t get Rose back, we’re talking dimples.

Nathaniel: Not in this house!

Juleka: He could stay this way for years. Forever. He could become... A lawyer.

Nathaniel: No!

Juleka: An orthodontist.

Marc: Juleka, please!

Juleka: ... Mayor.

Nathaniel: NOOO! TAKE ME INSTEAD!

It’s the day of the highly offensive show that portrays Native Americans as uncivilized people.

It goes off well until Marinette flips the script.

Marinette: You have taken the land which is rightfully ours. Years from now, my people will be forced to live in mobile homes on reservations. Your people will wear cardigans and drink highballs. We will sell our bracelets by the road sides. You will play golf and enjoy hot hors d’oeurves. My people will have pain and degradation. Your people will drive stick shifts. The gods of my tribe have spoken. They have said, “Do not trust the pilgrims, especially Sarah Miller. And for all these reasons, I have decided to scalp you, and burn your village. To. The. Ground.

The outcasts burn the camp to the ground and attack the brats while the main 3 escape in a canoe.

Meanwhile, Lila tries one last attempt at killing Rose, knowing this won’t fault. A bomb.

When it goes off while she’s out, she’s expecting a blonde corpse. Not Rose holding a tray of cupcakes and a warm smile

Enough is enough.

Lila: *Aims gun* I tried to make it look like an accident! I tried to give you some dignity, but, oh, no, not you!

That shows up to save the day by hitting Lila with his car and helping Rose escape back to the Artists’ Home,

*Now for the best scene*

Marinette: I may never see you again.

Damian: I know.

Marinette: There are forces tearing us apart-- Gary, Lila, tenth grade.

Damian: I'll never forget you.

Marinette: *Touched* You won't?

Damian: You're too weird.

Marinette: We'll always have today and camp

Damian: And this. *He holds up a retainer*

Marinette: What is it?

Damian: Chloé’s retainer. *Drops it to the ground* Meyn ziskeyt.

Marinette: Mi querido.

*The two kiss through the fence before pulling away and wiping their mouths*

Meanwhile, Nathaniel’s lost his mind.

Nathaniel: *Lying in bed* Swing low... Sweet chariot... Coming for to carry me home.

Marc: Oh, my sister is ill and my husband is dying. Juleka, what am I gonna do?

Juleka: Well, you already have a black dress.

Rose returns, apologizes for abandoning them, reconciles with her friends

And at that moment, Marinette and Alix return from camp. They all group hug, and Juleka is about to tell Rose about her feelings for her, until...

Lila: In-laws!

Down in the dungeon, the Artists, Felix, and That are strapped into electric chairs while Lila tells them the story of her life... Through slideshow!

She burned her house down with her parents still in it because they gave her Malibu Barbie instead of Ballerina Barbie

Marc: *Disgusted* Malibu Barbie. The nightmare.

Nathaniel: The nerve.

Her first husband the heart surgeon could never make it on dates, so she committed axe murder.

Juleka: Aw, an axe. That takes me back.

Husband #2 was a Senator who wouldn’t buy Lila that new, expensive car because they had to set an example. She ran him over.

Lila: So I destroyed one innocent life after another. Aren't I a human being? Don't I yearn and... ache and shop? Don't I deserve love... and jewelry?

Marc: *nods* Adios, mi querido.

Nathaniel: Zay gezunt, meyn tayer.

With some encouragement from Felix, Juleka uses her last few moments to confess to Rose

Juleka: Rose, night after night, I have desired you. I would worship every pale, lifeless limb on your body, die and kill for you, love you even after my dying breath. Rose... I love you.

Her confession leaves Rose in tears.

Rose: I love you, too.

Lila: Oh, barf! *Grabs the lever* Goodbye, everyone! Wish me luck!

Artists: Good luck.

Right as she’s about to pull the lever, Kiran, back go normal and by some miracle drops down from the ceiling and switches the wires, making Lila electrocute herself to death

*One year later*

Juleka and Rose got married! Also, it’s Kiran’s birthday! And Damian’s invited!

Rose: And to think I might have missed all this. What was I thinking?

Marinette: Physical pleasure.

While the others are celebrating, Marinette and Damian hang out in the cemetery and talk about marriage. Which Marinette doesn’t want

Damian: But what if you found a man so devoted to you, who worshipped you, that he’d be your eternal love slave?

Marinette: I’d pity him

Damian: *Looks at Lila’s gravestone. ‘Friend, Family, Killer* Damn. Lila was sick.

Marinette: She wasn't sick. She was sloppy.

Damian: What?

Marinette: If I wanted to kill my husband, I'd do it, and I wouldn't get caught.

Damian: How?

Marinette: I'd scare him to death.

Damian: *Scoffs* Sure. *As he goes to lay a flower on Lila’s grave, her hand pops out of the ground and grabs him, making him scream.*

[fandom-imagines-stories]

If I Stay

Charlie St. Cloud x Reader

Words: 4004

Requested by anon: I love that you’re willing to write for Charlie St. Cloud. Any chance you could do one where the reader is in a coma from some kind of accident, but she kind of wanders around like Tess did? Maybe Charlie had a huge crush on her in high school and tries everything in his power to get her t wake up when he realizes that the girl he’s been spending time with isn’t actually there but in the coma?

Notes: I actually had a similar idea for this so I’m so glad you requested it! I love Charlie St. Cloud and If I Stay, so I thought they would make an interesting combination. Let me know what you think!

-

The wailing siren startled him as the white flash of the ambulance zipped by. Charlie stopped walking, watching the vehicle vanish into the distance. His memories came faster than he could stop them; the sirens getting closer and closer to the car, the crunching sound of glass, the blinding white light. He shook them out of his head. 

It had been over a year since he stopped seeing Sam. He had come to terms with it, knowing that his little brother was finally at peace in that place beyond the light. And Charlie, in turn, had found his own peace with that. 

He continued his walk. 

“H-Hello?” A quiet voice made him pause again. The voice got louder. “Somebody help me!”

Charlie searched frantically for the source until he spotted the woman stumbling towards him, limping heavily. He rushed to her aid, eyes scanning her body for other injuries. She nearly collapsed in his arms when he reached her. 

“It’s okay, I’ve got you. You’re going to be okay.” He assured her. Finally getting a good look at her face, he gasped. “Y/N?” 

“C-Charlie?” You blinked rapidly, your head pounding as you tried to talk. “Charlie St. Cloud?” You clung to him, your body shaking with shock. “Oh thank god. I don’t… I don’t know what happened. Something’s wrong. I can’t find my family. We were driving just a second ago and now… you have to help me find them.” 

“Hey, slow down.” He knew that your panicking would only make matters worse. “We’ll find them, okay? I promise we’re going to find them.” His eyes scanned the snowy landscape. Trailing above the trees was a line of black smoke. “Come on.” He took your hand and led you around the bend, bright flashing lights making his heart drop. 

The road was covered in skid marks and debris. It only took a moment to spot the car. The silver minivan was sandwiched in between two trees, laying on its side with the front of the car nearly entirely smashed in. A semi truck with a large dent on the front sat pulled over on the other side of the road. In the middle of it all was the ambulance. 

“Oh my god.” You gasped, covering your mouth with your hand. Two black bags were being loaded into the ambulance as another arrived. “W-what’s going on? Mom! Dad!” Your screaming broke Charlie’s heart. He grabbed onto you, taking you in his arms and cradling the back of your head with his hand so that you wouldn't have to look. 

“Please no.” Charlie silently begged as two more bodies were brought up on gurneys. Even from this distance, he could tell that one of them was you. 

-

You had grown up together. Charlie was the star of your grade and you were one of his closest friends. You, Green, Charlie, and Sully were inseparable. Until Sam died. After the crash, Charlie vanished into himself. With Green and Sully away at war, you were forced to figure things out on your own. You went to college in Seattle and never heard from your high-school crush again.

Now were you curled up on the windowsill of the hospital, Charlie sitting nervously across from you. Your whole body was shaking. Your leg didn’t hurt as much now and you weren’t as cold as you were before, but you were trembling at what Charlie was implying. 

“You’re the only one who can see me.” You said, pulling your legs up to your chest. A sob escaped your lips. “Am I… am I dead?” He shook his head, taking your hands in his. 

“I don’t think so. They won’t let me in, of course, but I think that you’re just… asleep.” He chose his words carefully so it wouldn’t upset you more. 

“I’m in a coma.” You said blankly. You stood suddenly. “I have to find Teddy.”

“I don’t know if that’s a good-”

“She came in with me, right, which means that she’s still alive. She’s in her somewhere. I have to find her.” You were past the doors before he could stop you. Receiving a strange look from one of the nurses at the desk, he stayed put. 

“So much to put on someone’s shoulders.” A voice said, a woman suddenly having appeared beside him. 

“I’m sorry?” 

“To put on both of you.” She shook her head. “But it’s up to her, Charlie. Stay or go, it’s her choice. And it’s up to you to help her whichever way she goes.” The woman gave him a small smile before heading towards the elevator. 

Charlie stood there, stunned. What just happened? 

“Hey! Wait!” He called out, running towards the elevator just as the doors slid closed. The woman’s message ran through his head over and over again. Stay or go, it’s her choice. And it’s up to you to help her… 

“Charlie!” You came running back into the lobby with a smile. “Teddy’s unconscious, but from what I heard the doctor’s saying, she’s going to be okay. She looks better than I do.” You wrapped your arms around him in relief, feeling the tension in his body. When you looked at him, he was staring at you, tears welling up in his eyes. “What? What is it?” 

“I, um, I think I understand why I’m here now.” He gulped. 

“What do you mean?” 

He was quiet for a long time. How was he supposed to explain this? How do you tell someone that it’s their choice to live or die? Your hands gripped his arms, urging him to continue. Charlie noticed that a couple of the people in the lobby were staring at him, so he grabbed your hand and led you to a supply closet. Checking to make sure no one was watching, he opened the door and pulled you inside. 

“Charlie what’s going on?” You squeaked. 

“You choose.” He said suddenly, watching and waiting for your reaction. 

“What does that mean?”

“It means that you have to decide whether you want to stay,” He took a deep breath, “or go.” 

“What?” Your eyes widened as you tried to process this. “That can’t- how am I supposed to- why me?” You had so many questions that you knew he wouldn’t be able to answer. “Where does that put you?” 

“I’m here to help you, whatever you decide.” He sighed. He wanted to scream. The choice was obvious. You had to stay. He wanted you to stay. But this wasn’t about what he wanted. 

“I could be with my parents again.” You whispered. You wanted more than anything to hide in one of your father’s bear hugs again, or to have your mother kiss your forehead and tell you everything was going to be okay. 

“What about Teddy?” Charlie pointed out. Your 15 year old sister was fighting just like you were. Would she have to choose too? 

“How the hell am I supposed to do this, Charlie?” You cried, covering your face in your hands. You could feel the panic setting in like a slow darkness filling your chest. You started to hyperventilate. 

“Hey,” Charlie pulled your hands away to find your face stained with tears. “We’re going to figure this out, okay? I’m not going anywhere.” You nodded and laid your head against his chest as he wrapped his arms around you. “I’m not going anywhere this time.”

-

You laughed as Sully and Green played around with Sam, the younger boy pretending to be tough and annoyed with the two Marine bound graduates. You, however, were looking for one fellow grad in particular. 

“We did it!” Charlie shouted, picking you up from behind and spinning you around. 

“Put me down, St. Cloud!” You shrieked, whirling around so you could pull your best friend into a hug. “I can’t believe we did it.” 

“We all knew you would make it.” Green noted. “Miss I’d-Rather-Study-Than-Party.” 

“Seriously, Y/N, you earned this.” Charlie grinned, sending those butterflies in your stomach fluttering. “Hell, I don’t know if I would be here without all those late night study calls.” 

“Of course you would.” You blushed. 

“Speaking of parties, you’re both coming to the one tonight, right?” Sully asked. You shrugged. “Come on, we leave for bootcamp in a week. You guys have to come.” Charlie cast you a quizzical look. 

“I’ll go if you go.” With those sky blue eyes staring at you, you just couldn’t say no. 

“Alright, I’ll be there.” You conceded. “It’s not like we have any more tests to study for.” Sully pulled you into a victory hug before him and Green ran off to meet with their families. Which left you and Charlie. 

“So…” He blew out a long breath. 

“So.” The awkward silence was actually killing you. If there ever was a time to tell Charlie how you felt, now might be one of your last chances. He spoke before you had the chance. 

“There, um, there’s been something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about.” He said nervously. It wasn’t often that you saw Charlie nervous, so you listened intently. “I really… for a long time… God, I don’t really know how to say it.” He rubbed the back of his neck, floundering for words. 

“Charlie!” Sam shouted, motioning for his big brother to leave. 

“One second!” 

“Mom’s already in the car!” Sam crossed the room, pulling on Charlie’s arm. 

“Sam, just give me a minute-”

“It’s okay.” You gave him a small smile. “Why don’t you just tell me tonight?” As much as it was eating at you not knowing, you didn’t want him to get in trouble. Instead, you placed a gentle kiss on his cheek. “I’ll see you later, Charlie.” 

Sam started to pull him away, but Charlie turned to give you one more grin. 

“I’ll see you tonight.” 

-

Charlie was terrified. Things he had pushed away for six years were suffocating him. Six years where he could have reached out to you. And now that you were finally back to him… you could leave him just as quickly. 

You were in the back keeping an eye on Teddy when your grandparents arrived. Charlie remembered them from your birthday parties over the years and they must have recognized him because your grandmother pulled him into a tight hug. 

“Charlie, I didn’t know you would be here.” She said tearfully, putting a hand on his cheek. He knew that look in her eye. It was the look of a mother who had just lost her son. 

“I was walking and I saw the wreck.” He started, taking a deep breath. “When I saw that it was Y/N… I don't know. I had to come here.” 

“We're glad you did, son.” Your grandfather put a hand on his shoulder. He left to check in with the doctors to see if they could go back to see you and Teddy. 

“How long has it been since I saw the two of you together?” Your grandmother wondered. “Five years?” 

“Six.” Charlie sighed, his tone full of regret and guilt. 

“After everything you went through, she never blamed you, sweetie. None of us could.” She gave him a sympathetic smile. “Never stopped talking about you, though.”

“Hmm?” 

“Y/N was always asking about you when she went off to school. She was even thinking about dropping by your house for Christmas…” Her voice trailed off. Christmas would never be the same for those girls again. 

“I’m really sorry for your loss, Mrs. Y/L/N.” Charlie said sadly. She had lost her son and her daughter-in-law and both of her granddaughters were lying in hospital beds. 

“Grandma?” You gasped, coming back into the lobby. You ran over to her, but she made no acknowledgement of your presence. Charlie gave you a sorrowful glance and shook his head just enough that you would notice. 

“We just have to be here for our girls now.” She covered her mouth with her hand to hold back a sob. Your face fell, wanting more than anything to tell her that you were there. You were right there. 

“I think I’m going to go walk around and stretch my legs.” Charlie looked pointedly at you, but long enough for your grandmother to notice. “If you need absolutely anything or if something happens, I won’t be far.” She gave him a pat on the hand as thanks and joined her husband. 

The two of you strolled up and down the stairs in silence for a while before going out onto the roof. Charlie was trying to figure out how to say what he wanted, but just like six years ago, he just couldn’t get the words past his lips. 

“I’m sorry for not being there these last couple years.” He finally sighed, leaning on the wall and looking out over the town. “I shouldn’t have shut you out the way that I did. Even when Green and Sully died…”

“Charlie…” You put your hand on top of his. “As much as I missed you, I never held any of that against you.” You thought for a second, debating if telling him would be a good idea. But hey, what could you lose? “I kinda blamed myself for a really long time.” He jerked his head around to look at you.

“It was a car accident. How could it have been your fault?” 

You shrugged, letting your mind travel back to that night. It didn’t so long ago anymore. 

“I don’t know. For that entire first year, all I could think about was that you only were coming to the party because I went. You said that, remember? If I hadn’t gone, maybe you would have stayed home that night…” You tried not to let your growing emotions get in the way of your words. “It sounds stupid, but I guess when something like that happens, we all find someway to blame ourselves.” 

Charlie let your words sink in. How long had been blaming himself for losing Sam? He was the one sneaking out. He was the one behind the wheel. He was the one that lived. Then he thought what it meant for you. 

“You don’t blame yourself for this, do you?” You didn’t answer. “Y/N, you can’t do that to yourself.” 

“I was picking the music. I’m the reason my dad didn’t see the other car swerve into our lane.” You pushed away from the ledge and started to pace back and forth. “And now mom and dad are- but I can’t leave Teddy- but what the hell am I supposed to do?”

“Y/N slow down.” Charlie grabbed your hand to stop your pacing. “What happened today isn’t your fault, alright? If you get that in your head, it’s going to-”

“What, Charlie? Kill me?” You snapped. “Kinda hard since I’m already dying.” His face fell and you sighed. “I’m sorry, that wasn’t called for.” 

There was a long pause where neither of you really knew what to say, even with so many words running through your heads. So many feelings that you thought were gone. Why now? Why bring the two of you together now when you were lying in a hospital bed fighting to stay alive. Or were you trying to let go? 

“Hey…” Charlie covered your hand with his, holding it against his heart. “You are still here. You’re here and you’re fighting and I… I want you to keep fighting. I want you to stay.” There were so many other things he wanted to tell you. What he was going to tell you that night. Slowly, he tried his best to show what his words couldn’t say, closing the space between you. 

The kiss was slow and hesitant, but soft and sweet, too. It was a kiss you’d both been dreaming of since the first grade. You felt everything clearly, from the beat of his heart under your palm to his hand fall to the small of your back, pulling you closer. 

“I always knew you too would figure it out eventually.” A voice made Charlie pull away suddenly. Standing at the other side of the roof was your sister. She wasn’t wearing a hospital gown anymore. Instead, she was standing in her favorite yellow dress, smiling like she was saying goodbye. 

“Teddy?” Charlie gasped, still holding you in his arms. You whirled around to see what he was looking at, but there was no one there.

“Charlie what are you-” Then it hit you. If he could see Teddy…

You took off in a sprint before Charlie could stop you. Charlie’s heart sank as Teddy spoke. 

“She’s going to give up, Charlie.” She sighed. “You have to get her to stay. She has a choice. She isn’t ready to go yet, she just thinks she is.” 

“And you are?” He cried. Teddy was 15. Last time he saw her, she was just nine years old. She still had so much life to live.  

“I’ll be okay.” She said, resigned. “Go to her. She needs you to make her stay, Charlie. Please save my sister.” Teddy stood there and watched Charlie run after you before walking off into the sky. 

“Y/N!” Charlie called out, desperately trying to catch up with you. “Y/N stop!” While you could hear his footsteps thundering down the stairs behind you, you didn’t listen. All you could think about was reaching your baby sister in time. 

“Teddy!” You rushed to find her room. Standing outside were your grandparents and the doctor. 

“We did everything we could.” The doctor informed them grimly. “I’m so sorry for your loss.” Your grandmother broke out in sobs. 

“No!” You screamed. “Teddy!” Unable to look in the now empty hospital room, you kept running. You ran and ran through the halls until your legs gave out. 

She’d barely finished the first semester of her freshman year. You were supposed to go shopping for her winter royalty dress this weekend. It was her first dance that someone had asked her to. She was so excited. 

“I can’t do this!” You screamed at whatever was out there that was listening. “I can’t do this anymore! I’m done!” You slammed your fist against the tiles of the floor, but you couldn’t feel anything anymore. You just watched the bright white light at the end of the hallway get closer and closer until-

“Y/N!” Charlie’s hands grabbed you by the shoulders and he fell to his knees in front of you. 

“Let go of me Charlie.” You sobbed, trying to break away from him- to surrender to the light. 

“I can’t.” He tried to get you to look at him. “Y/N, I won’t let you go. You can’t give up. You can’t go-”

“Wouldn’t you?” You tore yourself away, your words catching with every sob. Charlie winced. “If you had the choice, if you could have gone with Sam, you would have.” 

“I did die in that crash, Y/N.” He said sharply. “But I came back. You have to come back.” 

“I want this to be over, Charlie.” You crumpled up against the wall, laying your head on the floor. “I just want it to be over.” 

Charlie moved so that your head was in his lap and he gently ran his fingers through your hair. Eventually, your crying turned into steady breaths and, overcome with the exhaustion of the day, Charlie allowed himself to sleep.

-

He woke up with empty arms in a dark hallway. His tired mind took a moment to process everything that had happened and as soon as he realized what was going on, he jumped to his feet. 

“Y/N?” He called out, hearing only his echo in return. Your words rang in his head. I just want this to be over. “Shit.” He took off down the hall, checking around every corner and empty room. He ran to the lobby where your grandparents were speaking with the doctor. 

“All we can do is wait.” The doctor put a hand on your grandmother’s shoulder. “You can go talk to her. Maybe some words of encouragement can help her through it.” Charlie knew what he really meant. It’s time to say goodbyes. 

He was frozen in place. He had to do something. He had to change your mind and get you to come back. He couldn’t lose you again. 

“Charlie?” You grandmother said softly. “Why don’t you come back with us? She’d want you to.” He still couldn’t move. She put a hand on his shoulder and snapped him out of it. 

“I’ll be there in a second.” He finally said. He watched the two of them head back into the ICU. It was like his feet weren’t his anymore. He just stood there, head reeling and hands shaking. Why couldn’t he see you anymore? Of course, his head could only draw one conclusion, but it was one that his heart couldn’t accept. You couldn’t give up. 

After giving your grandparents some time alone, he entered your room for the first time. At first, he felt sick. You were hooked up to machines and your leg was in a cast. Most of all, you looked defeated. Somehow, even unconscious, your expression gave away your sorrow. Like you didn’t have anything to live for. 

As if sensing his unease, your grandparents allowed him to speak with you in private. He sat beside you, gently placing a hand on top of yours. 

“You’ve got me pretty freaked out here, Y/N.” He laughed humorously, feeling a tear roll down his cheek. He took a deep breath. “I know it hurts. Believe me, I do. When I lost Sam all I wanted to do was give up. But you can’t go, Y/N. Teddy wants you to stay. I-” His words were cut off by a sharp breath, trying to hold back a sob. “I need you to stay.” 

Charlie brought your hand to his chest and held it against his heart like he had on the roof. Maybe if you could feel him there, if you knew that there were people here for you, you would wake up. If you knew how he felt- how he’d felt for years. If you knew what he was going to say that night. 

“I guess now might be the only time to tell you…” He sighed, his grip on your hand tightening desperately. “I should have told you so many times through high school, but I was so scared of ruining our friendship and breaking up the group. But the truth is, Y/N…” Even now, he wasn’t sure if he could say it. What if you couldn’t hear him? What if you were already gone? “Y/N, I’m in love with you. I’ve been in love with you since the sixth grade and being with you again after all this time… I never stopped loving you.” 

He thought about all those weekends on his boat, your laughter ringing out over the sound of the waves. He thought of the sun making your wet skin glisten and making your bright eyes sparkle. Six years and the images of you were still clear in his mind. All of those times that he wanted to tell you- times he should have told you how he felt. 

“Maybe I’m selfish for wanting you to stay,” He stood, holding your again against his tear stained cheek. “Maybe I’m supposed to let you go like- like Sam.” It was hard to speak now, but he had to try. “But dammit Y/N, I don’t want you to go. I want to give us a chance. Please, Y/N. Please stay.” 

He leaned over and pressed a kiss to your forehead and lingered there for a moment. Maybe this was it. Letting go of another person and helping them move on. He pulled back slowly and felt your fingers lace through his. When he looked down, your eyes were open. 

“Charlie?”

-

General Tag: @rae-gar-targaryen; @takemepedropascal; @childhood-imagination;  @mylovegoesto; @yellowbadgergirl; @itmejado; @suckmyapplejacks

[petersasteria]

I’m A Ghost?! - Haz Osterfield

Happy Halloween, bitches x

“Personally, I think you need this.” James, your older brother, said as he made himself comfortable on your bed. You were pacing back and forth while deciding whether or not you should go to your friend’s birthday party. You wanted to go, but at the same time, you didn’t want to. You were torn.

“Or maybe I should just stay home!” You said with a smile and sat down at the edge of your bed.

“Y/N, you’ve been staying at home for eight bloody years. What good has that done to you? You need a break from this house and your son. Seriously, you need a life outside yours and Mason’s. You’re a brilliant mum and letting loose for just one night won’t hurt, I guarantee you.” James said with a small smile.

You looked at him and asked, “You think I’m a brilliant mum?”

“You had Mason when you were sixteen.” James chuckled lightly. “You’ve been through so much; from getting disowned by our parents to nearly losing your life just to bring Mason into this world.”

It was true.

You got pregnant at sixteen and it scared you. You were young and naive. You thought the guy who knocked you up would stand by you, but he didn’t. He just left. When you told your parents, they weren’t happy. They told you to pack your things and move out and that you and your ‘mistake’ aren’t welcome there and that they didn’t want to see you ever again.

James was twenty-one years old at that time and he just moved in a new apartment that he shared with his girlfriend. You moved in with them and they helped you through it all. James never went home to your parents after learning what they did to you, so both of you did new traditions.

When one leaves, another arrives. James’ girlfriend left him because she was offered a job in Dubai and she didn’t want to turn it down. He let her go instead. After all, it was good for her. After that, it’s been you and James... and Mason a week after that.

You had a hard time giving birth to him because something went wrong. James was panicking because he didn’t know what to do. You were literally dying. Then, some miracle happened. You fought your way through and gave birth to the most beautiful boy you’ve ever laid your eyes on.

Nothing else mattered and he was perfect. You promised yourself that you would give him the best life and James was by your side, guiding you through it.

“Despite all of that, you still manage to push through on your own and you still manage to give Mason the best life he could ever imagine. Heck, you live in this house and it’s small, but it’s lovely for both of you. So, yes. I think you’re a brilliant mum and anyone who says otherwise is an idiot.” James grinned.

“Thank you.” You tear up. Both of you hugged each other and you pulled away.

“Go on and get ready, alright? Mason and I will be fine.” James reassured.

Now, here you were about to leave the house. You gave Mason the biggest and tightest hug and repeatedly told him that you loved him and that you’d be back in time to read him a story.

Sadly, you never got back on time to read him a story. In fact, you never got back at all.

You were driving at an unfamiliar road. Well, you knew the street, but you’ve never been there until now. Then a car crashed into yours and the impact killed you immediately. James was informed of your demise and he didn’t know what to tell Mason. Instead, he just got drunk and left.

Although he was very much alive, he never came back for Mason.

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐀𝐅𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐀𝐂𝐂𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐍𝐓...

You woke up in a funny position on the ground and your back was hurting. You got up and looked around and groaned when you didn’t recognize anything. You looked down and you were still wearing your clothes from last night. 

You looked around and approached people to ask for some help, but they just... ignored you. It was weird. Surely they would’ve noticed you, right? You continued to ask for help until you got frustrated.

“Can you please help me?” You asked a woman who was walking with a stroller. You scoffed when the woman didn’t say anything. “Are you deaf like the rest of the people who ignored me?”

Then, you heard giggling. You looked for the sound and realized it belonged to the baby in the stroller. The baby was looking right at you!

“Your baby can literally see me and you can’t?! Unbelievable!” You sighed in exasperation as you watched the woman leave.

“Calm down.” A voice said. “What kind of help do you need?”

You turned around and saw a blonde man wearing basketball shorts and a loose shirt approaching you. He had a kind smile and he seemed like a genuinely nice guy. 

“Thank, fuck!” You said loudly. “A good Samaritan!” You smiled at him and said, “I’ve been asking help for, like, two hours now and you’re the first one who offered to help me.”

“No problem! I love helping.” The man smiled. “I’m Harrison Osterfield, by the way.”

“I’m Y/N Y/L/N.”

“So, what did you need help with?” Harrison asked sweetly.

“Oh, you see I’m not from this area. This place is unfamiliar to me and I really want to get home. My son, Mason, is probably awake now. He’s an early riser.” You chuckled.

“Alright! I’ll just change my clothes first, okay? You can come with me and you can freshen up. People are staring.” Harrison chuckled lightly. You looked around and a few people were staring.

“Alright, let’s go to your place! I hope it’s not far.” You said as both of you started walking.

“Nah, it’s just around the corner.” Harrison assured.

True enough, his apartment was around the corner. He took a quick shower and changed his clothes. You chose not to freshen up because you could do it at home. When Harrison got out of the shower, you were laying on his couch. Your whole body was aching and you couldn’t move.

“You good?” Harrison asked and you shook your head. “Okay, how about I’ll bring your son here instead? Give me your address. I’ll call you when I get there.”

“You’d do that for a stranger?” You asked.

“Well, yeah. Besides, he’s someone important to you.” Harrison smiled which made you smile too. His smile was contagious.

You gave him your address and with that, he was on his way to your place. 

𝐀𝐓 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐂𝐄...

Harrison didn’t know what to expect on the way to your house. All he knew was that there’ll be an eight year old boy named Mason there and that Mason was with his uncle, James. To say that Harrison was shocked when he arrived at your house was an understatement.

There’s a car parked in front with a bumper sticker that said “Annabelle’s Foster Care”. He quickly parked and got out of his car. He saw two people wearing the uniform from the foster care carrying suitcases. He immediately went up to them and asked what was happening.

“The boy’s mother had passed last night due to a car accident.” One of them said.

“Such a shame, really. His guardian is nowhere to be seen either. The boy was all alone when we found him. He’s in the car right now; too upset to pack.” The other said sadly.

“I think you have it all wrong.” Harrison nervously said. “The mother’s fine! She’s at my apartment as we speak.”

“Her body’s in autopsy, though. Wait- are we even talking about the same person?” 

“You know what? Probably not.” Harrison said. “Who lives here?”

“The girl and her son. Y/N Y/L/N and Mason.”

Harrison’s heart has never beaten so fast in his entire twenty-four years of living. He went pale and his hands were sweating. The only thing running through Harrison’s mind was, ‘Oh my god. She’s dead and I’m the only one who could see her.’

“You alright?”

Harrison snapped out of his thought and smiled, “Yeah, I’m fine. I got the wrong address.” He lied. “Sorry for bothering, yeah? I’ll be off now.” He quickly left the house and got in his car to drive back to his apartment. How the hell was he supposed to tell you that you’re just a soul now?

Soon, he arrived at his apartment and you were still on the couch. You sat up with a huge grin, but it slowly faded away when you didn’t see Mason.

“Where’s my son?” You asked.

“...He, uh, he’s going to foster care.” Harrison said nervously. He didn’t want an angry spirit in his apartment.

“Foster care?! I’m right here! Why is he-”

“You’re dead, Y/N.” Harrison said bluntly. “There isn’t any nicer way to say it, but you’re dead and I’m the only one who could see you. I guess that’s why people were staring this morning. They probably thought I was crazy.”

You couldn’t believe what he was saying.

“There’s no way, I’m dead.” You shook your head.

“But you are.” Harrison said sadly. “They said it was because of a car accident last night.”

Now, you knew why your body ached. Now you knew why you woke up on the ground at an unfamiliar place. You finally understood.

“Yes, but that doesn’t explain why my son is going to foster care. He has a guardian. My brot-”

“He left. The people from foster care said Mason was the only one there when they arrived.” Harrison said.

Your heart broke as you thought of your little boy. He must’ve felt so scared and alone. You wanted to hold him and tell him that everything will be okay, but you couldn’t do that anymore. Unless...

You looked at Harrison and said, “I want you to adopt Mason. Like, ASAP.”

“Whoa, there’s a lot of things to process. I live in a small apartment and I’m not cut out to be a father. I have a life!” Harrison shrieked.

“In case it didn’t occur to you, I don’t have a life. I had one, but I fucking died.” You said through gritted teeth. “I would ask someone else, but you’re the only one who could see me and I can help you through this shit, alright? Besides, aren’t you wondering why my soul is still here?” You rambled.

“What do you mean?” He asked.

“Souls go somewhere when they die. Aren’t you wondering why I’m still here?”

“Now that you’ve mentioned it... why are you still here?”

“You might think it’s ridiculous-”

“Please, I’m talking to a ghost right now. At this point, nothing is ridiculous.” Harrison chuckled lightly and nodded for you to continue.

“I think I’m still here because of unfinished business. Before I left, I told Mason that I’d read him a bedtime story when I get back. Well, as you can see, I didn’t make it back.”

“But now, you can do that for me.” You smiled. “And maybe after you read him a bedtime story, I could finally leave. So can you please adopt Mason?”

Harrison stared into your eyes and gave in, “Fine. Only because I feel bad for him.”

The next three days were spent in teaching Harrison your ways on taking care of Mason and what to cook and telling him what Mason is allergic to and a lot of other things.

Harrison went to the foster care where Mason was in and before he knew it, he was already signing papers and taking Mason home.

You were waiting for them to arrive and the wait was killing you. You haven’t been away from Mason for this long and you were excited to see him. Although, it stung to know that the excitement was one sided.

You heard the door unlock and in comes Mason with Harrison behind him, holding the suitcases.

“Welcome home.” Harrison said softly as he closed the door and put the suitcases in his room. He walked back out only to find Mason sitting on the couch next to you.

You wanted to hold him so bad, but you couldn’t. Harrison immediately went to the kitchen to grab a plate of a PB&J sandwich that was cut diagonally just like how Mason wanted. Both you and Harrison hoped that making his favorite sandwich would make him open up to Harrison.

Harrison placed the plate on the coffee table and said, “I, uh, I hope you like PB&J.”

“It’s my favorite.” Mason said in a soft voice. It was music to your ears. It felt like hearing him talk for the first time all over again. Harrison smiled, “I’m glad! Do you want milk with that?”

Mason ate one half of the sandwich and nodded. He saw the remote of the tv and looked at Harrison for permission. Harrison just chuckled and nodded before going to the kitchen to get him a glass of milk.

Mason immediately got comfortable with Harrison and they were friends now. Harrison was beginning to like Mason’s company and now he understood what his mum felt when he was just Mason’s age. He now understood why his mother was so attached and why his mother wanted him by her side all the time.

It was night time and you sat at the edge of the bed as Harrison started reading Mason’s favorite bedtime story. As usual, Mason never got to hear the end because he was already fast asleep. You smiled at the sight and got up to kiss Mason’s forehead which he brushed off, thinking it was hair sticking to his forehead.

You walked out of Harrison’s room and Harrison quietly followed.

“I guess this is goodbye, huh?” Harrison said sadly.

“Yeah.” You said. “Take care of yourself, alright? Take care of Mason too.”

“I will.” He promised.

“Don’t forget to read him stories every night. His favorite snacks are PB&J’s and if it’s not available, Cheetos are fine. He’s allergic to eggs and he loves bacon for dinner, not breakfast. Make sure he eats his vegetables and if he gets sick, make sure he takes his med-”

“Medicine on time because for some reason, he gets cranky when he doesn’t.” Harrison continued. “I got this, Y/N.”

You nodded. Both of you stayed in comfortable silence, neither of you didn’t know what to say.

Thank you for everything, Harrison. You’re a blessing.” You smiled sadly. “I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too.” He gave you a small smile. Harrison’s vision became blurry with tears when he saw you starting to fade away.

“Tell Mason that I love him with all my heart and that I’ll always be there for him.” You said.

Harrison nodded, “I will.”

“I’ll be there for you too, okay? You may not see me anymore, but I’ll make sure my presence is with you anytime you need me.” You tear up.

“Well, my mission is done. Thanks for everything, Harrison. You’ll be a great dad to Mason. I can feel it. I trust you, okay? See you when I see you.” You said.

“Thank you too and I’ll do my best.” Harrison cried and watched as you finally faded away.

“Harrison?” A sleep Mason asked. Harrison quickly wiped his tears and turned to see him.

“Yeah?”

“I had a dream about my mum.” Mason said sheepishly. “She said she was okay and I miss her. Now, I can’t sleep. Is it okay if we cuddle? My mum cuddles me when I can’t sleep and-”

“Yeah.” Harrison said. “We can cuddle.”

Mason smiled and both of them went to the room and cuddled until Mason fell asleep again. Harrison’s eyes were beginning to feel heavy too and as he watched Mason sleep, he realized that everything will be okay. They’ll be fine.

* * * *

Happy Halloween x

𝐇𝐀𝐙 𝐎𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐅𝐈𝐄𝐋𝐃 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @abrielleholland​ @silencetheslaves​ @imeanlifesabitshit​ @joyleenl​ @marshxx​​ @hjoficrecs​​ @myblueleatherbag​ @poguesholland​ @myblueleatherbag​​ @harryismysunflower​​ @justanothermarvelmaniac​ @lonikje​ @lizzyosterfield @itstaskeen​ @ilarbu​ @turtoix​ @badreputationlove​ @starlight-starks​ @swiftmind​ @sovereignparker​ @pearce14​ @justanamesstuff​ @chewymoustachio​ @cocoamoonmalfoy​ @hazmyheart​

𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @marvelousell​ @justasmisunderstoodasloki​ @rubberducky-jrr​ @petersholland​​ @osterfieldnholland​ @miraclesoflove​ @god-knows-what-am-i-doing​​ @perspectiveparker​​ @parker-potters​​ @itstaskeen​ @call-me-baby-gir1​ @the-panwitch @iamaunicorn4704 @chloecreatesfictions​ @holland-styles​ @halfblood-princess-505​ @spidey-reids-2003​ @herbatkazmiloscia @whatthefuckimbisexual @justanothermarvelmaniac​ @unsaidholland​ @musicalkeys​ @lost-in-the-stars03​ @hufflepuffprincess24​ @hollanddolanfangirl @parkerpeter24​ @bellelittleoff​

[choices-ethanramsey-4life]

Part 2 of days with you make me feel better...

Pairing: EthanXMc (Samantha Valentine)

Warning: slightly on the angsty side

Description for part 2:

Ethan has come to the realisation that he cares too much about Samantha. He can’t be due to being her boss she could lose her job so he decided to move away to the Amazon and hide his feelings away. But when Samantha goes through something deeper... will Ethan be there to help her or will she deal with it alone?

P.s in my one Naveen Banerji is her parents friend when she was a kid. However overtime they lost contact after she left home at 18. They meet again during her intern year when Naveen is dying.

It had been 3 weeks since she’s seen Ethan... she would wake up at 6am every morning. Go to work like always work until late go home, eat and sleep. She was stuck in a cycle of repeating herself. She felt lost. She felt the pain and acceptance of losing her brother. It’s stupid she thought that her brother died almost ten years ago and now she’s finally knows and accepted it. Ethan was gone.

He left her she still remembered when Naveen announced it in the atrium Ethan had gone to the Amazon.

“Samantha, we’re going to Donahues want to come?” Jackie knocks on her bedroom door which was locked. There was no response. When Samantha found out her mom was dying she did the same thing she locked herself in her bedroom and became quiet...which was shocking for her friends when they saw this side to her for the girl who can talk for hours non stop about anything.

All of her friends tried to get her out of her room they tried everything. It didn’t work.

At Donahues

“What are going to do?” Elijah asks drinking his drink.

“It’s not healthy. She doesn’t sleep, she doesn’t eat she just sits in her room. She only comes out for work, even then she barely says two words at work.” Sienna sounded upset.

“Why? What happened?” Aurora asked. She had been with them for a while now and she fitted right in, despite not moving in the apartment yet.

“It’s her brother, he died like ten years ago but she had a hard time accepting he was gone. She’s hurting.”

“There must be something we can do.” Bryce asks.

“Unless one of us should just try and talk to her instead of all of going together.” Raf suggested.

“Yeah it’s a good idea. Whose going to go first?” Kyra raised an eyebrow.

“I’ll go first I don’t mind.” Bryce speaks up.

“Ok Bryce will talk to her and then bring her here, she’s going to enjoy herself.” Sienna says

“Ok but meathead don’t bore Samantha.” Jackie rolls her eyes as they all go home.

Once they reached the apartment Sienna calls out for Samantha.

“Samantha? Samantha sweetie it’s Sienna, did you eat dinner?” To her surprise the door unlocked as she enters to see Samantha by her window sitting on the ledge with her sketch book and pencil in her hand.

Sienna sits beside her as the rest of the roommates plus Aurora stand outside peering in trying to Listen.

“How are you?”

“I...I don’t know.” Samantha leans against the wall putting her sketch book down.

“Me and everyone else are going out tomorrow to Donahues. Come please.” Siennas eyes pleaded. Everyone outside had high hopes.

Samantha hesitated and thought for a second as she said “sure...ok.” Sienna saw her smile which she hadn’t seen in weeks.

***Samanthas POV***

Did I feel alone? Yes. Did I feel like I was stuck in a constant cycle of just breathing not living? Yes. Did I want to be alone? No.

I hold the locket tight in my hand and open it.

“Mom, Jake missing you guys loads...” the picture of mom and Jake...and dad.

I know my dad is alive and well... but I wasn’t ready to see him after the years of abuse... it wasn’t the right time.

The next morning I woke up and opened the door. Elijah and Jackie just staring at me with their coffee mugs in their hands.

“Morning Samantha...” Elijah spoke slightly surprised.

“...morning...” my voice came out small.

“Coffee?” Jackie asks as I nod yes and sit on the couch.

“Morning Jackie, Elijah...Samantha?” Sienna looks perplexed second and then says

“I’ll make breakfast...” they all talked I just listened it diverted my mind as Sienna got breakfast ready.

“Samantha are you not going to eat?”

“I’m not hungry...” I get up walking back into my room thinking maybe I shouldn’t of come out. Everyone’s acting weirdly.

“Please Samantha just a little bit.” I turn to face the three in the room and nod.

But all that’s going through my mind are two things Ethan and the loss of Jake. That maybe if I was fast enough...or didn’t end up arguing with Jake beforehand just maybe he could be alive.

I sit in my room until it was time to get dressed Jackie and Sienna barged in with dresses and shoes.

“Right Samantha get up we’re all getting ready let’s go!” Jackie exclaimed as we got dressed.

Sienna who wore a light blush coloured dress just above her knees with her hair out and wavy. A simple necklace which had a small crystal the same colour as her dress.

Jackie who had a dark blue dress laced in with silver. She refused to take her hair out but that’s our Jackie.

“Samantha what about you? You haven’t even tried on a dress.”

“She’s too small to fit into mine...” Jackie pointed out as they looked through and Jackie pulled out a red dress and Sienna a black one laced with gold.

“Samantha what about these?” My eyes set on the black one Ethan gifted it to me 2 weeks before he left.

“Right then the black one it is!” Sienna exclaimed excitedly as she curled my hair and got my black heels and we set out.

We sit inside at Donahues everyone there Raf, Kyra, Bryce and Aurora.

I even saw Zaid and Ines with some other residents.

And then my eyes followed the main spot the first spot I saw when I came into Donahues for the first time. But it was empty. The person who used to sit there was gone. Reggie waves and smiles at me as I gave a friendly smile back.

Over the weeks I would go out alone at times see Reggie we’d talk and I’d sit in the back get my sketch book out and draw.

I sit by the table with my friends they talk I’m there but my mind isn’t.

“Samantha want a drink?” Raf asks

“No...I’m ok thanks.” He nods smiling.

I felt suffocated sitting here as if I couldn’t breathe I shouldn’t of come. Everyone just asking me if I’m ok every 5 second and why I wasn’t here last week. My breath felt like it was being taken away like someone or something inhaled all of the oxygen.

My hands shaking in my lap.

“Samantha?” Kyra put a hand on my shoulder.

“I..I..I’ll be right back.” They watch me leave Reggie did to concern waving over his smile.

I run out the oxygen back into me as I sit down on the step outside raking my hands through my curly hair. I hear footsteps behind me and a figure sitting beside me.

“Hey? You good?” My head facing down I shake my head but a small “no” comes out breathless. He knew I was having a panic attack, he helped me and then asked

“Are you ok? What happened?” As if a dam had burst I stood up so did he as I spoke out mainly anger coming out with hints of pain which only grew as I finished speaking.

“Why does everyone ask me that every 5 second?! You want the truth then no! No I’m not ok! It’s my fault! Everything is my fault! My brother died because of me.” My voice break at the end with tears I sit back down on the step.

Bryce coming closer hand on my shoulder “no it’s not it was an accident ok. You didn’t do anything.”

“I...I c-could of st-stopped h-him from leaving.”

“How? You were injured weren’t you? How would you of ran after him with all those stitches? Trust me I’m a surgeon I know what I’m talking about.” He joked

I laughed for a second as he hugged me tight and close. After I calmed down for a bit he says

“Why did Ramsey leave?”

“What?” I let go looking at him.

“I know you know...”

“Yeah?”

“Obviously...”

“Ok then but not here. I want to take you somewhere, it’s my special place when Si, Elijah and Jackie told you guys I used to go out at town alone I’ll take you there it’s better.” He nods as his phone lit up.

“I’ll tell them we’re going somewhere quieter less noise yeah?” We nod as he gets into is car we sit as i directed him

“You know I could of just drove us there right? I’m an amazing driver and more safer than you.”

“What?!” He threw a fake face of offence as we laughed. “I would let you drive but do you legs even reach the pedals? And can you see over the wheel or do I need to get you a book for you to sit on?” He joked.

I slapped his shoulder lightly, “hey!”

After 10 minutes of driving we reached.

“We’re going to have to walk it like 10 minutes come on almost there.” We reach the top of the green hill the cities light shining bright and the stars which twinkled.

“What is this place?” He asked

“This is my place of peace. When things become hard or I need to wind down alone I come here...it reminds me that life is crooked.”

“What?” He asks smiling but slightly confused.

I turn him to the distance a sign of a building in red LED lights flashing “Life” written across but it was backwards the way we saw it.

“Life is crooked. Things go wrong, things go right. We find happiness and love sometimes it’s life long...and sometimes it’s a limited time. We only get a few glimpses of it before pain and darkness comes.” He looks at me as I look over at the city view and continue to say,

“I already knew that in life the people we love the most we always take them for granted. We think that we wont separate from one another but when life comes in it’s crooked ways it can. We make life long promises forgetting how short it really is. They say that you don’t miss someone’s company and them until they’re gone...you don’t realise what impact they’ve created until they’ve left you. There’s so many moments with our loved ones which remember for the rest of our lives...and maybe even after our life when we die.”

He looked over thinking about what I said.

“You said why did Ethan leave? I don’t know. There are few reasons but either could be wrong. He knows why he left and I’ll leave it at that.”

“Ok sure. And Samantha this place is beautiful I can see why you like it out here.”

“Don’t tell anyone about it can it just stay between us please.” He nods smiling.

“Sure.” We sit on ground sitting talking looking at stars I remember mom and Jake.

It’s like she said “the brightest stars that shine are those who you’ve lost but love.”

And she was right. We sit over talking my phone in my hand debating to call Ethan or not.

But now I wanted to enjoy my place of peace...

For Samantha still hurting her hurt Lessing when she shared with a friend at her place of peace.

P.s Thanks soo much for reading this part i was thinking of extending this fic as I have a few details I want to write in it might end up being 4 parts instead of 3.

Tags:

@schnitzelbutterfingers

[salvejoon]

Life is Beautifully Ugly (At Times) - pjm | 03

⇒ Warnings for this chapter: Not much for this chapter, some cursing but that’s about it.

⇒ A/N: I apologize for being late in posting this chapter. IRL took most of my energy askfjhas

When Hyejin woke up the next morning, in your bed, she was a bit confused. Why was she in your bed and not in her own?

Had Appa put her here?

“Appa?” She called out but got no answer, “Eomma?” Still no answer.

Tears gathered in her eyes and she let out a wail which had you crashing into the door as you ran to the room. 

Your niece was bawling her eyes out, calling for her parents and you hurriedly went to her, “Baby, it’s okay, I’m here. Calm down.” You picked her up in your arms and hugged her close. You bounced her lightly up and down, gently calming her down. She seemed to calm down as her wails subsided and they turned into whimpers. You drew back to look at her, your heart constricting in your chest when you saw the trails of tears on her cheeks, “You okay?” 

She sniffled and nodded, “I think.” 

“Want to talk about it?” You sat down on the bed, adjusting her in your lap. 

“I just woke up and I was scared because I was alone.” 

“I’m here.” 

“But you weren’t when I woke up and I got really scared because I thought you had left me too.” 

No one could have prepared your poor heart for that one sentence and you sighed heavily as you put your head on top of hers, “I will never leave you, Hyejin.” 

“But what if you die too?” 

Charlotte was the one who was good with kids and you missed her sorely at the current moment, “I will die someday. It’s just how life works, baby.” 

Hyejin looked up at you, “Who will take care of me then?” 

“Hopefully, I hope that by the time I die, you’re old enough and won’t have to think about that.” You told her.

“But what if you die tomorrow? Will Uncle Jimin take care of me?” 

“Probably. Maybe. I think so, yeah.” 

“What about Boon?” 

You chuckled softly and nuzzled her nose with yours, “I think he’d love to.”

“I want Boon to take care of me if you die, Imo. Uncle Jimin seems is cold.” 

You sighed, “Your uncle is a peculiar man, Hyejin, but he’s not cold. He’s not as used to showing emotions as we are. He cares about you. He just doesn’t show it as I do.” 

“How does he show it?” 

“By buying donuts for you, for example. Now, dry your tears, sprout. We have a long day ahead of us.” 

Entering his father’s office, Jimin fought back his raging headache. He had a million things to do today and his father calling him to his office was not one of them. He had a funeral to plan and a woman that most surely needed help with said funeral.

Closing the door behind him, he bowed even though his father had his back turned to him, “You summoned me.” 

His father hummed and glanced at him over his shoulder, “Yes. Did you do what I asked of you?” 

“I did but she insisted that she will take care of the funeral.” 

There was a brief silence before his father whirled around, “She cannot afford it.” 

“She assured me that the cost was of no problem.” Jimin told him. He could feel his father’s anger even from where he stood, “Not that the cost really matters because she agreed to let me help her.

His father grew quiet as he stared at his youngest, “Not what I wanted but you will make sure your brother gets a proper funeral as per our customs. Make sure she remembers that she’s the foreigner and has no say.” 

Jimin’s eyes narrowed at his father’s words. Words that didn’t sit well with him. Yet he didn’t say anything.

“I will make it happen, sir.” He said stiffly, watching as his father nodded. 

“Good.” He turned his back to Jimin, “One more thing, Jimin, before you leave..” 

“About what?” 

“I want custody of the child.”

Korean funerals were a little different from what you were used to but you had spent most of the night texting Namjoon of the hows and whys. Jimin had also pitched in, offering to set it up but you insisted that you had it handled. You had to call the mortuary at the hospital where they died, order flower arrangements and then find out what kind of food and beverage the attendees should get served. 

Thankfully, a nice old lady guided you through the whole process over the phone and you let out a loud exhale as you hung up the phone. 

Now all you needed was to text Jimin with the details and he would take care of the rest. You leaned against the counter and put your phone down, ran both hands down your face as you sighed heavily. Right now you couldn’t be bothered with Jimin and Hyejin was at Namjoon’s for a few more hours. 

For the first time since the accident, you were completely alone. And it was quiet. So unbearably quiet in the apartment. Pain formed itself as a lump in your throat and tears gathered in the corners of your eyes. 

Your feet seemed to act on their own as they ventured towards the master bedroom. With a trembling hand, you opened it and stepped inside the dark room. The curtains shut out the midday sun and it was cold. So cold. 

Trudging across the room, you pulled the curtains and let sunlight enter the room, casting light on the multitude of pictures on the walls and nightstands. You took a deep breath and the pain only increased in your chest. It smelled like Charlotte. Her perfume. The stupid face creams that she’d spent a fortune on. 

And Han. His expensive cologne blended well together with the perfume.

You turned your attention to the photos on the wall.

You fingered the edges of a photo of them from their wedding. Charlotte looked annoyed as Han was carrying her over his shoulder. 

The next photo was of them, still at their wedding, smiling at each other as they’d just exited the shrine. Both dressed in Korean traditional clothing. You could vividly recall the ceremony and the love they had exuded. So many obstacles had stood in their way in the form of Han’s father, long-distance relationship, cultural differences and an unplanned pregnancy but they’d managed. 

Because Han and I, we’re meant to be.

She had really won the lottery with this one, you remembered thinking. 

The last frame on the wall was of you and her in your younger years. You were around 20 years in the picture and Charlotte was 17 years. It was taken in your grandparent’s backyard, a bright sunny day in August. You carried her on your back, her arms outstretched as she laughed. You looked up at her with adoration and love. 

You muffled a sob with a hand as you took the picture down from the wall and sat on the bed. The picture blurred as the tears won out this time and started rolling down your cheeks. 

You hugged the photo close to your heart as you cried in silence, completely alone, only surrounded by memories in the form of pictures of those you loved.

Jimin bowed respectfully as some of the chairmen entered the room, ears perking up when he heard your voice. He straightened and his eyes fell on you, clutching Hyejin’s hand in yours, Namjoon right behind you. 

The taller man’s eyes met his and he inclined his head in greeting and Jimin mirrored his movement. 

“Hey.” You greeted him as you came up to him. You wore a simple black dress with matching heels, a dark grey trench coat to keep you warm from the cooling weather. His eyes shifted from you to his niece. She was dressed in a black dress as well but more traditional, an outfit Namjoon had no doubt helped you get together. 

“Hey.” Jimin said before he turned on his heels, leading you into the room. 

Your eyes immediately landed on the pictures of Han and Charlotte framed in big, dark wooden frames, flowers littered around them, some in potts, others laying freely and covering a good portion of the floor. Candles were lit and cast the room in a warm glow. 

“It’s beautiful.” Namjoon noted as he stood next to you, his hand gliding across the small of your back in a comforting gesture and you nodded. Hyejin walked up to the pictures and touched the photo of her mother before you called her back to you. 

She hugged your right leg tightly, her teary brown eyes looking up at you and you nodded, wiping away a stray tear from her cheek, understanding her silent message. You missed them too. 

Then something in the corner of your eyes caught your attention and your eyes widened slightly as you saw who it was. 

Jimin’s father. You had only seen him a couple of times but his intimidating presence was still there. He took all the attention in the room, people bowing their heads, coming up to him, conveying their sadness to him for the loss of his eldest son. 

Next to you, Jimin stiffened when his father’s eyes landed on him. He bowed deeply and his father simply stared at him. 

You saw them and you had to bite your lip to not say anything. How could a father act so cold towards their only remaining child? 

Not even a pat on the shoulder? A nod in his direction? 

Dark eyes simply looked down at the bowing Jimin. 

Then said dark eyes roved over to you and the child hugging your leg. He looked disgusted almost. The disdain in his eyes was clear as day even as his eyes fell to his granddaughter. 

“Don’t say anything.” Jimin whispered as he stood back up, his father turning his back to him and you, “For the sake of Han and Charlotte.” 

“He didn’t even greet you, Jimin. Or Hyejin.” 

He didn’t answer, knowing that if he got you going, you wouldn’t stop and right now was not the time for your ‘open mouth, insert foot’. 

“The nerve of him!” 

Jimin sighed, his hands on the steering wheel tightening, “Just let it go, Y/N.” Then he glanced over his shoulder to check on the sleeping Hyejin in the backseat, “And lower your damn voice or you’ll wake her up.” 

You grumbled something he didn’t quite catch and then said, “Your father is an asshole.” 

“You’ve stated that six times now.” 

“And now I see where you get it from.” 

He resisted the urge to roll his eyes, opting to keep his eyes on the road. He’d agreed to drive you home to Han and Charlotte’s place at Namjoon’s behest. 

You glanced back at Hyejin and sighed, “What are we going to do, Jimin?”

“With what?” 

You rolled your eyes, “With Hyejin and the apartment.”

“Don’t bother thinking about that right now, Y/N.” 

“But-”

“But it’s been a long day for both of us and Hyejin. We’ll figure something out.” 

You sagged further into the car seat and nodded. Jimin was right. It had been a long day and all of you were exhausted. You would think about that stuff tomorrow. 

Jimin watched you out of the corner of his eye, relaxing into the seat and looking out the car window. His father’s words rang loud and clear in his mind and he wondered if he should tell you now. 

But then you turned your head towards him, your eyes boring into his face, “Thank you, by the way.” 

“For what?” He met your eyes for a brief second. 

You smiled, a tiny and tired smile, but a smile nonetheless, “For helping me with the funeral. You and Joonie really were a big help.”

His lips tugged upwards, “Of course.” 

[turqrambles]

I watched all 26 episodes of an obscure Australian cartoon in one week and I’m not okay - My journey with Wicked! (2001) PART 1

Here it is, the reason I started this blog in the first place. I need to talk about this cartoon I ran into completely by chance. 

It all started, like you would, with Tubitv.

Good ol’ Tubi, the free streaming service that makes you either an expert at being able to find diamonds in piles of garbage or a connoisseur of said garbage. It’s thanks to Tubi that I put down that I watched Alpha and Omega: Family Vacation on Letterboxd for all to see and judge, but it’s also thanks to Tubi that I finally ended up watching Killer Klowns from Outer Space.

Anyhoo, one day I was browsing their family film selection when I ran into this selection. And that was the day my life changed forever.

What you see before you, posted to a streaming service accessible in the United States, is the movie adaptation of an Australian TV show that never made it to the United States, which is based off a series of Australian children’s books from the 90′s that also never made it to the United States. It made it to other territories like Germany and the United Kingdom (and it apparently did super well in France but don’t quote me on this) but the TV show ran for one year and then disappeared without a trace after one 26 episode season.

How obscure is this franchise? Well, for starters, at the time I’m writing this in 2020, the books, the TV show, and the movie all don’t have a single Wikipedia page to call their own, and the easiest way to get info about this thing is to find the (rather tiny) TvTropes page. 

Let’s just get right into this shall we.

What is Wicked!?

Before you try to be all cute and make any references to the hit musical, there’s a reason I’m putting that exclamation mark there.

Wicked! started out as a series of six children’s books written by Paul Jennings and Morris Gleitzman. I actually grabbed a kindle copy of all six books (because I’m in this thing too deep and I wanted to see how the cartoon compared with the source material) and I gotta say, they’re very charming.

The best way I can describe them is that they’re in the kid horror genre, but they’re less Goosebumps and more The Weenies book series by David Lubar in terms of gore and child endangerment. Wicked! has some artful depictions of blood and gore, but in a way that can be digested by the grade school crowd.

Being a former child, I can proudly proclaim that I would’ve adored this series when I was younger. Just look at these covers!

The plot of the books is that there’s a widower with a daughter and a divorced wife with a son who get married, and the two new step-siblings Rory and Dawn absolutely hate each other. They can’t stand the fact that their parents are getting married! Gross!

But then, on the day of their wedding, creepy things begin to happen after Rory receives an appleman doll in the mail, and then, over the course of six books, a deadly single-minded virus that feeds on hate and is targeting Rory’s bloodline begins to spread across wildlife, creating crazed mutant animals that try to kill everyone in the household. It’s up to Rory, Dawn, and Dawn’s grandfather Gramps to stop this virus before it kills Rory and his mother, and to do so, they have to seek out Rory’s father, who seems to be the mysterious cause and/or the solution to the virus.

I’m not sure how well these books did, on account of the whole “not Australian” affliction I seem to suffer from, but they seemed to do well enough to get a TV show adaptation.

And surprisingly, the TV show is a very close adaptation of the books, only they changed the plot in two big ways so that it fits an animated series with a “monster of the week” setup.

The first big change was that, of course, they toned down the blood and gore and removed the deadliness of the virus, choosing to go with a more cartoony mutagenic approach. Rory gets infected by the virus several times in the show, just like how he does in the books, but unlike the books, he never thinks that he’s going to die from it and it’s definitely treated as a more temporary thing. There’s no race against time either. Everyone is trying to live their lives except every so often, the virus shows up. A wacky cartoon virus with cartoony stakes.

That brings me to the other main change that they make in the show. Unlike the books, where the main villain is a mindless virus that feeds off of hate, an invisible foe that can only be defeated at the end of the last book with the help of Rory’s father, the TV show decides that that’s no fun and instead makes a main villain out of one of the main plot points in the books. Say hello to The Appleman. (Apple-Man? Apple Man? Fuck it, I’m going with the first one from now on)

Instead of having the virus mutate mysteriously and having the main characters constantly hypothesize what’s going to happen next, the TV show made a main villain who constantly reinvents new strains of virus in a laboratory that he set up in an abandoned refinery.

What then happens is a basic plot set-up that the show follows pretty consistently in every episode. The family is trying to do something, we get the theme for the episode, and The Appleman, who is a spiteful bastard who is trying to ruin this one family in particular (and I’ll get to that), decides to make a virus that will infect the theme of that episode.

Pretty standard cartoon stuff, right? Ah, but then you don’t realize the beauty of this show. But first, I gotta introduce the main stars of this show.

The Characters

(quick note: this bus is incredibly important to the plot, but only in the books)

First we have Rory (the boy holding up the tin) and Dawn (the mad red head).

Dawn is the step-sister who lost her mom, a bus driver, in a gruesome bus accident, Rory is the step-brother whose parents got a divorce and then his dad went missing, believed to have run away from his whole family. Both of them are meant to be the dual protagonists, but I feel that there’s just a tiny bit more focus on Rory. There’s a reason for this that I will mention later.

What is interesting to note is that they make Rory the smart, non-athletic little nerd that gets picked on a lot at school for being a dork while Dawn loves sports, is failing science, gets made fun of for not being as girly as the other girls in her class, and likes violent computer games. I wouldn’t exactly call them “fleshed out” but they did enough to make these kids feel like actual kids.

Also, they fight. Constantly. This is the main complaint of anyone who actually looks into this show judging by my brief skimming of Internet comments because these two constantly bicker and insult each other and that makes up like 40% of the dialogue in any given episode. While this is one of the main story conflicts and they’re like this in the books too, it just feels super exhausting to see these two constantly at each other’s throats in every single episode.

They get mean too. Which, surprisingly, makes them both more realistic (I babysat multiple times and kids can be pretty verbally awful to each other) while also making them just a tiny bit unbearable at times. Here’s some actual dialogue.

"My dad sent it to me!" "Gee, he must think a lot of you to send you a doll full of worms." "Your mum thought so much of you she drove this bus over a cliff and into the river to get away from you."

GEEZ, guys...

Eileen, Rory’s mom.

It feels out of the three adults in the family, she gets the least amount of character development, but she does get a fair amount of screentime, so you can’t really say they’re intentionally ignoring her. She divorced her previous husband and works as a mail courier. Instead of owning a car, she drives a motorcycle, and, in the first episode, even drives it to her own wedding while dressed in a bridal gown. Rory’s mom rules.

She tries to bond with Dawn because she always wanted to raise a daughter, but Dawn clearly doesn’t like her new stepmom very much. Dawn is also afraid of the motorcycle and it comes up a couple times in the show.

Eileen is the adult that gets targeted the least by The Appleman’s schemes. There’s a very pointed reason for this, and I swear, I’m getting to it soon.

(quick note: yes, the show uses real photos to put in picture frames in the backgrounds and it’s real weird and never addressed)

Jack, Dawn’s dad.

Jack is a sheep shearer, just like in the books, and he’s a big easy-going dope that is hard not to love. Look at him hammer in this carpet. A true champ.

Out of the three adults in the family, he seems to be the one that nearly dies the most, with The Appleman going out of his way to specifically target Jack in some episodes. If you know Appleman’s backstory, this reads as absolutely petty spite and I love every minute of it.

Gramps, Dawn’s grandfather and Jack’s dad.

He’s an aging WWII veteran (one that has killed people in combat no less) who radiates constant Boomer vibes and, unlike Eileen and Jack, he actually sees some of the crazy shit that happens and will sometimes sense when something is infected with virus when the other two adults can’t.

In the books, he’s suffering pretty badly from dementia, but thankfully the cartoons drop that completely. I’m glad too, because I don’t have the confidence that they would’ve written it with enough sophistication to make it not seem ableist. Instead, he’s just your typical kooky cartoon grandfather.

He’s probably the adult that gets the most screentime because he will actually help Dawn and Rory out. Again, this ties into the books, where he was the main adult ally for the kids.

He says a lot of army-themed catchphrases. It’s a tad overplayed but it never really gets to a point where I would call it “annoying”. Also, instead of living in the house, he lives in a tiny granny flat on the property. Sometimes Rory spends the night there.

Last but not least, we have the star of the show, and the reason why the easiest way to find information of this show is to google “Wicked The Appleman”.

The Appleman, as explained, is the main villain of the story. Dressed in a very fancy suit complete with dress shoes and a nice blue tie, he lives in an old refinery full of rats, bats, and giant worms (called Slobberers), and he’s rocking a voice that can be best described as “Australian Mark Hamil” with an absolutely heavenly evil laugh. He has gross clawed hands, a rotten apple for a head, and likes making people miserable, because he’s basically the living puppet for a virus that feeds off of negative emotions. The main goal of each episode is to either defeat him or to stop the mess he’s made. Usually both.

Since all of his minions are non-sentient animals, a lot of his dialogue is him lurking behind something while he monologues to himself, sometimes turning it into a creepy little rhyme. He’s a pretty lonely guy, so him hanging out with this family can be seen as a very non-subtle cry for help.

The best episodes are the ones where he tries to lurk about in public with a very poor attempt at disguising his hideous features. Somehow it always works, you know, despite the fact that he has yellow eyes, the skin like a moldy apple, and no ears.

What Makes Wicked! Unique

(no, The Appleman doesn’t actually use that axe)

The first thing this show does that most of the formulaic shows don’t do is that it does, in fact, have a beginning, a middle, and an end. That’s why this show was packaged into a full-length movie - you can glue scenes together and actually make a pretty decent narrative, even if the resulting movie definitely had a “glued together TV show episodes” feel ala some of the bad Disney sequels like Cinderella II and Atlantis II. 

This show even has some plot-heavy episodes that dive into just why this whole Appleman situation is going on and why he seems to have it out for this one family in order to flesh out the characters more.

Because that’s a thing that this show does. The Appleman is a cartoon-y villain who cackles in his lab and constantly invents new strains of viruses that can mutate things like animals and household appliances, but he doesn’t do it to take over the city or to “destroy the world”. He does it purely to inconvenience this one Australian family, who he stalks pretty regularly. This is a thing that comes from the books and honestly, it’s a thing that elevates Appleman from “ugly-looking cartoon villain” to “pretty damn creepy, if also still cartoony in execution”.

Sure, a lot of cartoon villains target the main protagonist in their evil schemes, but this one is definitely more personal.

He regularly follows Rory and Dawn to school and, when the family goes on a camping trip, he comes too. If Rory decides he’s going to hang out in the wrecker’s yard, The Appleman will be cackling and hiding behind totaled vehicles. If Gramps takes the kids out to the bay to go fishing, The Appleman will pull an ice cream truck out of his garage and follow them there. That’s how the main conflict is really set up.

I think if a scarier cartoon tried, they’d make him out to be this grotesque stalker, but instead, since this show is kinda goofy in execution, he’s like the shittiest cryptid in the world, constantly crouching behind trash cans and on top of rooftops while constantly cackling about how clever he is and how, miraculously, no one notices anything’s amiss.

This alone would make this villain interesting, but then they set up something about this show at the beginning if you watch the intro and the first episode and put two and two together.

Right from the start, the opening shows that The Appleman was once human by depicting his transformation by the virus. They don’t even try and pretend that he’s some demon or some sort of supernatural monster - he’s specifically a blue collar worker who had a nasty run-in with fate and mutated into this hideous apple-headed creature that now has to hide out in an abandoned refinery. You see why he’s dressed like that - he’s still wearing his work uniform.

Right after you watch that intro, the first episode of the show has Rory receiving a mysterious package from his father on the day of his mother’s wedding. It’s the first time that Rory and his mom Eileen have heard from their dad after he mysteriously vanished years ago. 

What’s inside? An apple-headed doll, which contains the first virus-infected monsters, The Slobberers.

When The Appleman makes his first dramatic appearance, he never says Dawn’s name, but he does know Rory’s name.

And, in case you didn’t pick up the hints from the first episode, the fourth episode really drives it home without spelling it out. Then the last episode of the series decides to say it out loud.

That’s right. Rory’s father, the man who mysteriously vanished from Eileen and Rory’s lives, is still an important part of the cartoon’s storyline, but instead of being the man who appears in the last book that knows how to cure the virus while also being the first victim of the virus, he’s the main antagonist.

The Appleman is Rory’s father.

And honestly, because of this little plot point, this show becomes a much richer experience once you look at the unhinged appleman who keeps unleashing horror on these kids and realize that he’s a divorced dad who constantly keeps tabs on his ex-wife's unstable dysfunctional family in order to make them more pissed at each other because that feeds the virus that mutated him.

This is a very cool concept. This is where Wicked! shines when, for all intents and purposes, it is otherwise a pretty average turn-of-the-century Australian cartoon that can be best described as “it’s okay, I guess” in terms of quality.

Because that’s really the rating I can give this show. It’s Okay.

It’s a very solid Okay, but I think any adjective more powerful than “Okay” is really pushing it. It’s not Great, it’s not Amazing. It’s Okay. Alright. Kinda Good.

But man, is it a wild ride.

Next time, I’m going to start discussing the actual episodes as well as this show’s pros and cons. Dividing this up into multiple parts partly because I feel like these things are more easily digested in smaller chunks and partly because I’m pretty sure tumblr now has a size limit on posts soooo...yeah.

Follow this handy link for Part 2 - The Actual Review!

[peaky-shelby]

Back to you [4]

“Thunderstorms in spring„

Pairing: oc x Halstead bothers

Previous: prologue, episode one, episode two

Series summary: an old friend comes back and is need for help from the Halstead brother’s. Will this story end in heartbreak or a win?

Episode summary: Loralai talks to jay about the case and she and will are back to their old ways.

Words: 1745

Warngings: lots of angst this time, angry will

Author’s note: quite ironically this page is only the calm before the real storm. Some big revelations happening in the next chapter woohoo!! Please keep commenting and sending feedback it’s the only way I’m motivated to keep writing and it helps a lot. Thank you!! (+) quick dedication to @peachlle for reading and commenting, you are amazing♥️ I hope you’ll enjoy!!

Jay entered the hospital with a file in his hands. Turns out Ruzek had managed to shoot and kill one of the three guys that had attacked them earlier in the day and that was their only lead. They followed it but nothing good came out except a few random names and a photograph. He was hoping Loralai would have more to tell now that she was awake.

He stopped his pace when he heard loud voices coming from Loralai’s room, he took a peek and saw Will standing next her, shaking his head. His was very familiar with this picture of the two of them.

“This isn’t a joke Loralai!” Shouted Will. Jay felt like he was taken back to Will’s old apartment, listening to them fighting on their bedroom while he was in the living room, trying to ignore them.

“Isn’t it?” She asked, her voice loud and clear “because it feels like we’re back in time! It’s always the same fight with you Will, the same dialogue! You haven’t even changed your lines!”

“My lines? What about your ways Lor? How many times do you have to get hit to realize that you gotta stop—“

“IT’S MY JOB!” She shouted back.

“Your job is to write not to dodge bullets and pray that you’ll survive!”

“I don’t care wether I’ll survive or not!” She spat “even if I die, at least I’m dying for a reason! People will hear the stories that matter—“

“And what about the people that love you?” He asked, cutting her off before she could say anything else “what about your parents? Your sister? Me? Jay who saw you bleeding out in his hands? You die and then what happens to us? You really think it’s gonna be that easy for us to let go?”

Loralai scoffed “it didn’t seem like it was that hard for you to let me go three years ago.” She looked away “which reminds me. You are not even my boyfriend and I’m not your girlfriend so why the hell are we even fighting about this?”

Will didn’t answer to that, even Jay could feel how much it must have hurt him when she said those words. It was a cruel reminder but the truth. Will didn’t need to listen to anymore if it and as he stepped out of the room and turned the other way he bumped into Jay. He held him still.

“You ok Bud?” He asked but all Will could do was move his head. There was so much anger in his eyes, Jay expected to see smoke coming out of his ears. He looked down, rubbing his face, there were so many things he wanted to say but couldn’t so instead he settled of the typical “I have to go.”

Jay watched him leave without stopping him and then looked at the door to Loralai’s room. He fixed his jacket, like he was about to get in a ring and took a moment from himself to gather all the strength he could before he stepped inside. It was weird to see her again, awake. She was staring at the ceiling, biting her lip and scratching the sheets with her nails like she always did when she was angry. Ah, the details.

“Hello Sherlock.” He said, getting her attention. Her face light up immediately when she saw him, like she had been expecting him. She reached for him with her arms and jay walked quickly to her, wrapping his hands gently around her. He was so happy to see her safe and healthy. “How you feeling?” He asked, pulling away just enough to look at her.

“Better now that I don’t have your brother yelling at me.”

“he’s just worried about you a lot and you don’t make it easy for him—“

“That’s bullshit Jay! How many times a day do you have a gun pointed at your head? Why doesn’t he give you that speech of love and death— he thinks because I’m a woman I can’t take care of myself.”

“That’s where you’re wrong Loralai! He texts me everyday to make sure I’m ok, he’s as worried for me as he is for you the only difference is I’ve been trained to dodge the bullets! You barely know how to hold a gun!”

Loralai didn’t say anything and before she could come up with a smart reply jay left the file he was holding on the bed and pulled out one of the photographs. “Have you ever seen this guy before?”

Loralai accepted the change in subject and took a moment for herself to think. “No.”

“Ruzek shot him while he was running away. He’s the only one we got from the car. We have no other leads so I was hoping you’d tell me more.” He sat down on the chair next to her bed, waiting to hear her story.

She sighed, looking at the ceiling “one month ago there was a fire at the Heathwood’s family house do you remember?”

“Yes it was an accident—

“Except it wasn’t.” She said confidently. “My editor asked me to write a piece on it and Michael Heathwood who had magically survived. It was a Miracle, the kind of shit that people love to read. But when I met with him...”

“You knew there was something wrong” he finished her sentence and bowed his head “why didn’t you go to the police?”

“The police were on it Jay! They porpusly looked the other way. If I went he would find out! So I did it myself. I looked as deep as I could. His wife, Alicia Stewart, died only one month before the explosion from a car accident and When the house exploded his father in law, Stefan Stewart and his mother in law, Carla Stewart were the only ones that died.”

“You saying he wanted to kill that family?”

“im saying there are far too many coincidences Jay!” She cleared her throat “so I might have illegally checked his bank accounts.” Jay raised his eyebrows and stood still across from her. He didn’t approve at all of what she had told him “I didn’t find anything which was even weirder”

“And I don’t suppose you gave up from then on...”

“I spied on him, searched everything I had on him and you wanna know something funny? Michael heathwood didn’t even exist two years ago!”

“Wait wait—“ He raised his hands, signaling her to slow down. “What?”

“His real name is Peter Evans! He’s a con artist! He tricks rich families, kills them, takes their money, saves it under a different name and runs.”

Jay stood up, pacing the room until he balanced himself on the edge of the bed, trying to process everything that she had told him. “Why didn’t you tell me? I could have helped you! Make sure that this..” He pointed at her wounds “wouldn’t happen!”

“I had to get enough evidence first. Create the story. If he realized I was on to him he’d disappear in thin air”

He stood straight again, crossing his arms “And Where is your evidence?”

“In the flash drive I gave you!”

Jay didn’t answer, he narrowed his eyes looking at her confused. “What flash drive?”

“In the car!” She insisted “I gave you a USB! Did you lose it?”

Jay hid his face in his palms “it must have fallen on the car.” He said, trying to reassure himself that the information was safe. He looked back at Loralai reaching for her hand and giving it a light squeeze “we’ll find it.” He told her. She held his hand before he could slip it away and he looked in her eyes, his heart beating a little faster. It was the bruise right under her eye that made his body shiver, he couldn’t stand seeing her like this.

“I owe you an apology...” she whispered, completely changing the subject. He tried to fake a smile as if he didn’t understand.

“For getting shot at?”

“Jay—“

“Don’t.” He warned “Not now. We’ll talk when all this is over.” He brought her hand up to his lips and gave it a light kiss before exiting the room. On his way out he caught Will behind the reception, making some notes but he decided not to bother him. Will saw him too from the corner of his eye but he was still angry from before to have any conversation with any body.

When he finished writing his notes he looked towards Loralai’s room. She had her eyes closed and she looked like she was about to fall asleep, god knows she needed that rest. He sat down on a chair, watching her sleep. He couldn’t go home and he couldn’t go in her room after their argument so this was the best way to check up on her and make sure she’d be ok. After a while he started to fall asleep himself. The position of his neck was so uncomfortable that kept waking him up and annoying him. When he opened his eyes again because of the pain he saw Loralai moving nervously on her bed. Turning her head right and left and whimpering. He jumped of his chair and rushed to her side.

First thing he did was check her wounds but he saw nothing alarming. When his hand touched her skin, her eyes shot open and she grabbed for his wrist. She looked so terrified to him, so broken, nothing like the confident girl he was used to having around. All the time he knew her there was always one thing she couldn’t battle and that was her nightmares.

He made sure to look calm and not scare her anymore than she already was. “Hey hey it’s ok. It’s just me. Lor?” He held her hand softly, stroking her fingers until she broke down into tears. This was the first time he had seen her cry today, all it took was a nightmare. He sat next to her on the bed, pulling her swiftly in his arms to warm her. He caressed her back and kissed her forehead, whispering sweet words in her hair, his breath falling on her like a veil of safety. She snuggled closer while he spoke, reassuring her that it would be alright.

He always thought of her like a thunderstorm in spring. It didn’t rain a lot but when it did... it was hell.

[mishaandthebrits]

Wrapped around your finger

Walking through the alley Sam and Dean laughed. They laughed whole heartedly because it was yet another hunt they had survived. It was a close shot, but they did it. "Now that sucker's rotting in hell.", Dean grinned while supporting his brother. They both had bruises and a few cuts, but nothing they wouldn't survive. Honestly, they looked worse than it actually was with all the vampire blood on their clothes. "Dean, stop... did you hear that?", Sam frowned and grabbed his brothers arm to pull him back slightly. 

Dean narrowed his eyes listening closely only to nod soon after. "Another victim?", he whispered and Sam shrugged while following the barely audible whimpers. Lifting a few paper boxes his eyes widened as he saw you. "Dean... it's a little girl.", he gasped and went to pick you up gently. Immediately you stopped crying and looked at him surprised. "We can't leave her here...", Dean sighed making you look at him now. With a giggle you made grabby hands and Dean smiled taking you from his younger brother. "Now who are you hm?", Dean cooed falling in love right away. "Her name apparently is Y/N, at least her birth certificate says so. It's been laying right beside her together with a note.", Sam spoke as he walked back towards his brother. "Dear whoever is reading this, Please take good care of our angel Y/N. If you find this, we are not able to be with her anymore and she needs a loving family. I'm begging you. Diana & Marc", Sam read and took a photo out of the envelope. With a single look he recognized the faces of your parents as those of the victims in the vampire nest. "Oh god... her parents were the victims... Dean, she's alone...", the younger brother gasped not noticing how Dean was holding onto you already. "No Sammy. She's not alone... she's got her big brothers.", he smiled making Sam look up confused. "You... you wanna keep her with us?", Sam asked unsure only to see Dean nod. "She's gonna die out here and we both know that an orphanage is definitely not an option. Plus I think she likes us.", the older smiled and even if he didn't want to, Sam had to agree. He knew for sure that he would miss you if they gave you away. "You're right... Let's head home then? We need to get her things...", he sighed but a smile soon graced his lips at the thought of the little girl. Dean nodded taking out the keys and tossed them to Sam. "You're driving.", he spoke bopping you up and down gently noticing how you loved that and always giggled. Sam on the other hand just watched his brother curiously. Dean was good with kids, he knew that before, but it was adorable to watch him with you. He felt as if his brother had missed being able to care for someone. "Now now Y/N, how old are you?", Dean smiled once he sat in the impala with you on his lap. Thinking with a little pout you held up three fingers and Dean smiled proudly. "Three already! So you're almost a big girl! And can you talk?", he continued and saw you nod looking down. "Hey hey baby, no need to feel bad, it's been an exhausting day for you, we don't expect you to talk to us already. Take your time.", the oldest spoke stroking your cheek gently. You giggled slightly and leaned against his chest. Slowly your eyes fell shut and before he knew it you were asleep with a tiny hand holding his and the other holding onto his shirt. "And she's out.", Dean chuckled making Sam smile. "It's the trauma... she probably saw her parents die judging from her bloody clothes.", Sam sighed and Dean only now noticed how much blood there was on your formerly pink clothes. "Fuck...", he groaned in reply and Sam smiled. "Hey, it's okay. You already made her laugh, she trusts you, otherwise she wouldn't fall asleep that easily... she'll be fine Dean. I turned out pretty good didn't I?", Sam grinned wiggling his eyebrows. Rolling his eyes Dean laughed softly but couldn't help to agree with his brother. "Oh look, there's a kids store! Shall we stop here? I mean we're pretty close to the bunker already.", Sam slowed down and Dean nodded happily. He had never in his life been this excited to go shopping. Stroking your cheek he gently woke you up. With a yawn your eyes opened and you looked around smiling at both of the brothers. Raising your finger you touched first Dean's, then Sam's nose and giggled. "Sammy, she's making fun of us.", Dean pouted and you tilted your head pointing at Sam. "S-Sammy!", you spoke grinning and he nodded happily. "Dee-De!", you then looked at Dean and he grinned. "That's right baby! What about we go and get you something new to wear now? And something for your room, hm?", he cooed and you clapped excitedly. Once in the store the brothers got a shop assistant to help after telling her that they were your brothers who had just gotten you after your parents had died in an accident. They explained how you had a little strawberry sauce accident in a restaurant and now needed new clothes as well as everything else because the two wanted it to be a new and painless start for you. To say the assistant was touched was the understatement of the century. She smiled and told them everything they needed to know, she suggested outfits and talked to not only them, but also to you. Giggling you pointed to a bright yellow dress with a little tutu. "You like that one baby girl?", Dean smiled holding it up to you and you nodded excited. "Is there some place we can change her in? So she doesn't have to walk around in the dirty clothes? I mean, it might remind her of blood you know?", Dean quietly asked the girl and she nodded right away. After showing him the changing room you soon were dressed in the yellow tutu and ran around the store besides Sam and Dean giggling loudly. "She's a sweetheart!", the girl smiled after putting together the receipt and accepting the fake credit card Sam had given her. "Oh she is! She's got us wrapped around her finger.", the younger brother smiled after finishing everything and together with them you left the store to head to your new home.

[staticscreenwriting]

Until we say goodbye || two

Warning! This multipart story takes place after the events of season 3. There’s huge spoilers already in the synopsis down below. I warned you.

Synopsis: (Y/N) Hargrove has to come to terms with the fact that her twin brother is dead and she had to watch him die, unable to do anything about it. There is something she can do for him now though and that’s keeping a promise. The promise to go back home to California. Together. In order to drive cross country and spread Billy’s ashes in a place where the Hargrove kids used to be happy, (Y/N) enlists the help of Steve Harrington. Steve Harrington who decides that it’s time to break out from his parents expectations and be the person he always wanted to be.

This time on “Until we say goodbye”: The teens stay at a quirky motel. Steve talks to mama Harrington and (Y/N) give us a look into her childhood.

(caution: mention of death, emotional abuse, slight mention of physical abuse, mention of alcohol // if you need me to tag any other possible triggers let me know)

One // 

Part 2 of ?

[additional note: I am German. Sometimes I get the tense wrong or make mistakes. I am useless when it comes to punctuation. Go easy on me, please.]

Help a girl out with a reblog, thank you ♥

And if we hit on troubled water

I’ll be the one to keep you warm and safe

And we’ll be carrying each other

Until we say goodbye on our dying day

A cool breeze is blowing past (Y/N) as she sits on edge of the old abandoned lifeguard tower, feet dangling in the air. She’s well aware of the fact that the wind is making a mess of her hair, leaving it a tangled mess. She doesn’t really give a shit though.

The beach is practically deserted except for her and the couple strolling by the shore, throwing sticks for their puppy every once in a while. They seem so happy, as if nothing matters but them and their dog and the ocean.

Her thoughts wander towards Pumpkin, the little Jack Russell puppy they adopted a few years ago when dad was dating this woman named Laura. Laura loved dogs and dad loved Laura and so when she moved in, so did Pumpkin.

(Y/N) loved that stupid dog, hell even Billy did. But like all good things in the Hargrove’s life, this one didn’t last very long either. Dad messed up his relationship with Laura and Laura was smart enough to get the fuck out and take Pumpkin with her. 

The thumping of boots against the wooden planks of the lifeguard tower, pulls (Y/N) back from her trip down memory lane. 

Billy plops down next to her, fumbling a cigarette from the pocket of his denim jacket and lighting it. He’s started smoking a few months ago, just after the twins 13th birthday. Dad was really mad when he found that first cigarette hole in the carpet of their room. 

“ Why are you here ? ‘s about to storm “ Billy mumbles around the cigarette dangling from the corner of his lips.

“ Dad’s being as asshole “ 

“ As per usual “ Billy scoffs, “ what happened ? “ 

“ He found out that I pierced my ears, said I look like a slut. “ 

The words still sting even now that she repeats them to her brother. (Y/N) doesn’t think it’s something a father should say, especially to his daughter. It’s just earrings, what’s the big deal ? 

It doesn’t make her a slut. Right ? 

“ What the fuck does he know. He still lives in 1971 with his ugly ass mustache“ Billy jokes, effectively getting a laugh from his twin sister. 

“ You know what the worst part is ? “ (Y/N) asks.

“ Hmm ? “ 

“ I think my ears might be infected. They burn like hell. “ 

“ Ya know what ? That’s your own damn fault. I told you using Galliano liqueur was not the best way to sanitize the needle. “ 

(Y/N) chuckles, nodding her head in agreement. “ Yeah, you were right, I admit it “.

“ Good. “ 

She turns to look at her brother. His hair is growing longer now, the curls sitting messily on his head reminding her of crashing waves during a thunderstorm.

Dad hates that Billy is growing his hair and and (Y/N) is fairly sure that’s part of the reason why Billy likes his hair so much. Everything that pisses off their dad is a good think in Billy’s book.

“ Still think you should’ve let me pierce one of your ears. Would’ve looked damn cool. “ she says, teasing smirk playing on her lips.

Billy shakes his head, curls bouncing from the motion. He’s mirroring her smirk though.

“ No fucking way. Never. “ 

(Y/N) finger plays with the tiny silver spike dangling from her ear as her eyes focus on the scenery passing by the window. There’s not a lot to see really, it’s almost pitch black outside. They’re on the road for about an hour and a half now but Steve keeps bringing up stopping.

He’s tired, (Y/N) can tell. Tired and still a bit freaked out by the whole situation.

“ So Terre Haute is coming up at I think we should see if we can find a place to stay the night, then stock up on food and gas tomorrow morning and drive through the entire day “.

Steve speaks up, more of a monologue than anything else. (Y/N) doesn’t mind how long the journey takes as long as they get to California in the end. She doesn’t mind stopping for the night. Doesn’t mind the occasional food or toilet breaks. Leaving Hawkins behind already feels liberating. 

Every mile they put between themselves and that fucking town feels like a weight lifted off her shoulder.

“ Alright, sounds good to me. We gotta find a cheap place though, I don’t have a lot of cash with me “.

“ S’alright I got it “ Steve exclaims.

“ I don’t need your charity, Harrington, “ (Y/N) snaps at him. Maybe it’s a Hargrove thing, being bad at accepting help from other people. From basically strangers.

For the biggest part of her life, (Y/N) only had Billy to depend on. Now that he’s gone it feels absolutely terrifying putting her trust in someone else.

“ Sorry I — that’s not what I meant. “ 

“ No, “ (Y/N) sighs “ I’m sorry for snapping. I know what you meant. It’s okay. “ 

There’s a thick awkward tension filling the car and (Y/N) absolutely hates it. 

“ Can I turn on the radio ? “ she asks motioning towards it. 

Steve nods in agreement. “ There should still be a mixtape in the player. “

With the push of a button the opening chords to Mötley Crües ‘Shout at the devil’ echo through the vehicle, making (Y/N) raise her eyebrows in surprise.

“ Steve Harrington, I did not expect you to listen to this kind of music “.

Steve just shrugs “ why not ? I like all kinds of music. “ 

“ Steve Harrington, Hawkins’ golden boy listening to the Devil’s music. That’s a surprise. “ 

“ Golden boy, “ Steve scoffs “ yeah right. I just about graduated High School. I didn’t get into college. I work at a video store and my own dad thinks I’m goddamn loser. “ 

“ You wanna talk about shitty dads ? Cause let me tell you, I’ll win that one. “ 

It’s quiet for a moment, before Steve clears his throat and speaks up again.

“ Can I ask you something ? “ 

“ Mmh “ 

“ What did they tell your dad happened ? Did they — did they really tell him that whole fire bullshit ? “ 

“ Yup. “ 

“ And he believed it ? “ 

(Y/N) nods. “ He did. He has no reason not to “.

The fire story. Authorities told Neil and elaborate story about how Billy died in a tragic accident in the big fire at Starcourt mall. Something about wrong place wrong time.

(Y/N) was there when they told him. Susan was crying hysterically. Max was — numb. Neil though. Neil didn’t even flinch. There was no sign of emotion. No sign of grieve. Nothing. Nothing at all.

“ I don’t think he gives a shit either, to be honest. “ 

“ That’s horrible. “ Steve exclaims.

“ That’s my dad for ya. “ 

Steve’s BMW rolls up to the parking lot of the Cardinal Inn Motel. It’s a small Motel complex and it looks like it’s seen better days. The walls are a dirty white, almost gray color and all doors are painted a bright red although most of the paint is chipping off. 

The kids enter the motel lobby, a small room decked out in all kinds of kitschy decor. There’s cross stitch art and paintings and decorative throw pillows. And all if it proudly features various images of a red cardinal bird. 

“ Welcome to the Cardinal Inn Motel. “ a chipper voice speaks up from behind the reception desk. “ I’m Ruth, how can I help ya ? “ 

Ruth is a plump little woman with a kind smile, round cheeks and extremely curly ginger hair. She looks more like a caricature than an actual person. Though (Y/N) thinks she fits this place perfectly. 

“ We would like twooo — ? “ Steve trails off and glances towards (Y/N) in question.

“ One “ 

“ — one room. With two beds though “. 

“ Oh sure sure. Let me see. It’s 32 $ for a night. “ Ruth says and opens a book, probably looking up which rooms are occupied and which rooms are free. She walks towards a board holding a lot of keys and takes one of handing it to Steve.

“ This is your room key, It’s number 44. When you step outside, the room is located in the building to your right. It’s on the first floor, first door once you walk up the stairs. I would have to ask for a down payment though. Just in case. “ 

Steve hastily pulls out a bundle of cash from his jeans, counting the right amount and handing it to Ruth. “ That’s the entire amount, we’re only staying for one night “.

“ Very well then. I hope you have a pleasant stay at the Cardinal Inn. “ Ruth chirps almost like a bird herself.

“ Thanks “ Steve says and walks towards the door.

(Y/N) stays rooted though, eyes wandering around the room from one red bird to the next to the next. 

“ Hey Ruth, “ she chimes up.

“ Yes, dear ? “ 

“ What’s with the birds ? “

“ Oh the cardinal ? That’s Indiana’s state bird. “ 

“ They’re funky looking little guys, huh ? “ 

“ Truly. They’re also very interesting. If you want to learn about them, they’re an informational brochure in every room. “ 

(Y/N) gives Ruth a soft smile then rushes after Steve, out into the chilly night air.

“ Knight Rider, really Harrington ? “ 

Steve sits up from his slumped position on the bed as (Y/N) comes back from the bathroom, freshly showered and dressed in her pyjamas. A choice of pyjamas she thoroughly regrets now as the cool air inside the motel room hits the skin of her legs. 

She’s dressed in a pair of short red pj pants and one of Billy’s old band shirts. One she’s stolen from his closet after — the incident. It smells like him. Makes her feel like he’s still there.

“ What, It’s good. “ 

“ It’s so stupid. It’s a talking car. “ 

“ Okay, whatever. You keep on hating but I tell you this show is gonna last forever and it’s gonna win all the awards. Trust me. “ 

“ Mmmh. Sure. Shower’s yours. “ 

Steve gathers some of his stuff from his duffle bag and moves towards the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

As she is left alone in the room, the gravity of it all comes crashing down on (Y/N). This is it. That trip she wanted to go on with Billy. That trip they had fantasized about since the moment they left California. 

Now it’s happening but it doesn’t feel right. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. With Billy in a thermos. With Billy — dead.

The room suddenly feels too small. Like the walls are gonna close in on her any second now. She needs air. Fresh air. Needs to get out of here. Now. Now.

So she does.

Slips on her shoes and the room key and dashes out through the door and into the night. It’s cold. Way too cold for the amount of clothing she’s wearing or not wearing depending on how you see it. 

For a while all she does is walk up and down the road, wishing she had remembered to take her pack of smokes with her. 

When it gets too cold though, she spots a neon sign in one of the windows of the Lobby building. “Souvenirs”.

She wonders if all of those souvenirs have red birds on them.

They don’t. Most of them do, but not all of them. A lot of them display what she can only assume are important buildings of  the city of Terre Haute, Indiana.

(Y/N) remembers the few trips she used to take with her mom and Billy, when they were just little kids. Mom loved to take them to the little quirky little towns across the coast and the kids loved exploring them. Billy always got a postcard, from every single place. (Y/N) got keychains. She still has a box of them stuffed beneath her bed at home. 

Her eyes wander around the room before they fall onto a display of all kinds of different postcards. Most of them, as expected, have birds on them. Though there’s one that doesn’t. It says “Terre Haute” in big bold letters. It reminds her of the ones Billy used to get from those coastal towns. 

Greetings from … the few happy childhood memories she can remember.

(Y/N) takes the card over towards the reception, where Ruth greets her with another of her signature Ruth smiles. Kind and warm.

“ Hi, dear. “ 

“ Hi uh — I want to buy this postcard. I can’t find a price though, ah shit I left my money up in the room let me just — “ 

Before she can hurry towards her room though, Ruth stops her.

“ It’s okay, Darling. You can have it for free. “

“ Oh no, I —  “

“ Please. You asked about the birds that pretty much the most anyone has cared about this place in a while. Take it. I want you to have it. “ 

It’s kinda sad, (Y/N) thinks. That her just asking about those silly birds made Ruth this happy. That people pay so little attention to her adorably little bird room.

“ Thank you, Ruth. That is very sweet of you. And this place is adorable. “ 

“ Thank you, dear. Do you need a stamp for that ? “

(Y/N) sighs “ No. No I don’t. “ 

The Bean is a little diner at the edge of town looking out onto the Wabash River. It’s emitting a perpetual smell of coffee and waffles and breakfast food.

Steve is munching down an entire plate of eggs and bacon. Oh to have the metabolism of a teenage boy.

(Y/N) takes another sip of her black coffee, hoping that the caffeine is gonna help keep her awake and not get too tired during their drive. After all they plan on being on the road for the entire day.

The pancakes on her plate are long forgotten. She hasn’t really been feeling like eating since it all happened. It’s like she’s acting on power saving mode. Always tired. Always sad. Always working on half speed.

“ You should eat something. You need it. “ Steve remarks.

“ Are you flirting with me ? ” 

“ I uh — what ? “ 

“ Male cardinals feed females as part of their courtship ritual. A female’s partner bears total responsibility for satisfying her dietary needs. “ 

“ How do you know this ?  “

(Y/N) smiles and takes another sip of coffee “ my friend Ruth recommended me some interesting reading material “.

She doesn’t mention that the nightmares didn’t allow her much sleep and that she spent most of the night staying up reading the informational magazine. There’s things Steve just doesn’t need to know.

“ Alriiiight. “ Steve exclaims, eyebrows raised “ Hey, what’s that. You gonna send a card home ? “ he asks and motions towards the postcard she’d been scribbling on while he had been ordering their food.

“ Nah. Not really. This one’s for someone else “.

“ Alright … hey uh. I think I should call my parents “ 

She looks up from her cup at Steve’s words. This can’t be happening. She can’t go back home now. He can’t bail on her.

“ Harrington “ 

“ Don’t look at me like that, I’m not turning around and crawling back home. I just don’t want my mom to worry. I need her to know I’m safe. “ 

That’s right, Steve has a mom too, not just an asshole dad. A mom who cared and who worries and who loves. God it’s been so long since (Y/N) had one of those.

“ Okay, yeah. But um — can you not mention my name. I don’t want any news to get to my dad. “ 

“ Of course. Yeah, no worries.“ 

“ Thanks “.

Despite what Billy always said about him, Steve seems to be an alright guy after all. His hair’s ridiculous though.

It rings once, twice, three times before someone picks up.

“ Hello ? “

“ Mom, it’s me. “ 

“ Oh god Steve. Honey where are you I’m worried sick “. 

That sends a little pang to his heart. His mother is a nice lady, she loves him deeply and she doesn’t deserve for him to worry her like that. But this is something Steve has to do, if not for (Y/N) then for himself. 

“ I’m alright mom. I’m taking a friend on a — uh a roadtrip. “ 

“ A roadtrip ?” 

“ Yea. To uh — “ his mind wanders to Billy. “ We’re going to help her brother “.

“ Okay, well are you alright ? “

No. He hasn’t been alright in a long time. Since 1983 to be completely honest.

Maybe this trip is just what he needs. A way out. An escape. 

Steve leans his head against the payphone, taking a deep breath.

“ I don’t know, mom. But I’m safe and I need to just — just get away. “ 

“ Is this because of what happened with the Holland girl ? Or the mall ?“ 

Yes. All of it. If only she knew.

“ It’s just a lot lately. Can you just trust me in this, mom. That I’m doing what’s best for me ? “ 

His mother hesitates for a moment before clearing her throat.

“ Of course I do, sweet boy. But I am a mom and I do worry. I always will. “

It warms his heart. To know someone does care and someone does love him, no matter how much he messes up.

“ I know. I love you and I’ll be back soon. I promise. I just need to do this, for me.“ 

“ Be safe, Steve “ 

“ I will. “ 

Before he hangs up he can just about make out his father’s voice in the background, asking if “that’s him” and “what’s he messed up this time ? “

And it once again becomes crystal clear why getting on the road with (Y/N) is the best decision he’s made in a long time.

He walks back over to her, as she leans against his car chewing some bright pink bubble gum.

“ You ready to head out ? “

“ Yup. Your parents mad ? “

“ No. Surprisingly not. Mom just wants me to be safe. “ 

“ Aw little Stevie. How adorable. Anyway let’s go. “

As they both settle back in their seats, Steve slides the signature dark shades back onto his nose and turns towards (Y/N). 

“ Sooo, snacks ? “ 

“ Snacks “ she nods and throws him one of her signature smirks “ definitely need some twizzlers to survive this trip “.

 “ Happy Birthday to me “ a freshly 9 year old (Y/N) mumbles as she buries her feet in the warm sand. It’s almost time for the sun to set behind the horizon and color the sky in beautiful shades of reds and pinks and oranges.

For the last 8 years this has been a moment she has shared with her mom. Every birthday the two of them would come down to the beach and watch the sunset. Just them two.

Billy had the morning to spend alone with mom, going to the beach to catch some waves, and (Y/N) got to have the evening. 

They’d sit and talk for hours and hours and hours. About everything. The silliest things.

This year she hasn’t so much as called. As if neither (Y/N) nor Billy ever existed in her life.

Billy’s been grumpy all day, refusing to spend time with his sister and deciding to go hang out with some of those stupid boys from the neighbourhood that always call (Y/N) dumb names.

(Y/N) watches the sun lower itself as if to drown the light in the dark water of the ocean, when a little plastic bag lands next to her. Just a moment later Billy drops down onto the ground too.

“ Got you some candy. Twizzlers, your favorite “ 

“ Did you steal them ? “ 

“ No, dingus. I bought them with my own money. “ 

“ Good. Means I don’t have to feel guilty when eating them. “ 

It’s silent for a moment as they sit beside each other, watching the sunset.

“ Hey I’m sorry “ Billy whispers, as if speaking any louder would mean destroying the magic of the moment.

“ It’s okay. You’re sad. I’m sad too. “ 

“ I’m not sad “ he claims “ I’m angry. So angry. “ 

“ You can be sad and angry at the same time. They’re not mutually exclusive. “ 

“ Stop using big words. “ 

“ Sorry. “ 

Billy takes a big breath “ I’ve decide “ he exclaims “ that from this moment on I’ll missing her. If she doesn’t want to come home, doesn’t want to see us. Screw her. I don’t need her and neither do you. “ 

(Y/N) knows that’s absolute bullshit but she also knows that Billy has a certain way of coping with loss and sadness and maybe she doesn’t share his ways or understand them fully but she can respect them if it means he’s less angry and less sad.

“ Okay. “ 

“ We don’t need her because we have each other “ he says, placing his hand on hers “ right ? “

In that moment, little (Y/N) knows that whatever the world is gonna throw her way, it’s only half as bad with her twin brother by her side.

“ Of course. Always “ 

If only they had known how terribly short ‘always’ would turn out to be.

_________

tags:

@sargent-barnes // 

[honeypiehotchner]

Trust -- part twenty-nine

Hello again.

If you’d like to really get into the emotions of this chapter, or if you’re just curious of what kind of soundtrack I would possibly have when writing this insane story, then I’ll tell you I listened to “Hold On” by Chord Overstreet a lot. But I listened to “The Night We Met” by Lord Huron when Sherlock begins talking (I’ll put a thing in there to say when to start the song, if you want).

I know I’m evil, but if it makes you feel any better, I cried while writing this, too.

You thought about death probably more than the average person should.

Ever since you were a kid, death was all around you. It wasn’t something your mother waited to explain to you when you were ready or older or when a family member passed and it was inevitable, it was something you were told about and told to just accept. She told you your father was dead, or might as well be – so you accepted it. Her parents were dead – so you accepted it. When friends of hers would die – you accepted it. When one of your friends in school died in a tragic car accident – you had to accept it. And when you shot your mother, taking her life – you had to accept it.

The funny thing about it, though, is that death is a lot easier to accept when it isn’t your own. You had come to terms with possibly dying when being stuck in the factory with Gidon because you were sure Sherlock and John wouldn’t be able to get there in time – and you had accepted that.

But when you saw their faces in the back of the ambulance, both terrified and concerned and confused all at the same time, your mind changed. You had accepted your death when you thought it would occur with them nowhere in sight, when you weren’t able to see how it was hurting them, because it was easier to convince yourself that they would be relieved. But seeing their faces made it all change.

You didn’t want to die anymore.

~~~

“A medically induced coma— What the hell is she in a medically induced coma for?”

           Sherlock watches the doctor calmly try to explain to John that the drugs found in your system were unlike any they’d seen in a long while, and that the amount administered was enough that you could’ve overdosed. Surprisingly, you hadn’t, and Sherlock is chalking it up to your stubbornness – which is why he presumes you were able to stand and fight Gidon after having been shot in the abdomen.

           John regains his senses after the explanation and the doctor’s assurance that by this time tomorrow, if all is looking well (which he’s sure it will be), you will be waking up and continuing on your speedy recovery.

           John nearly scoffs. There is nothing speedy about recovery. He still feels like he is recovering every day from the war, and it’s been years now since he was shot. Recovery isn’t speedy. It’s shitty.

           You lost a lot of blood. Enough that the helicopter took you back to the hospital, because the fifteen-minute drive was too long and they weren’t sure if you would make it that long. Surgery lasted a few hours, from removing the bullet, resetting your shoulder, and repairing the areas that internal bleeding had caused damage. Sherlock was a worried mess the entire time, pacing back and forth in the waiting room so much that even the nurses were worried for him.

           You did well, though. They got the bleeding under control and your vitals stabilized, except now you’re in a coma. It’s Christmas, and you’re spending it in the hospital, in a bloody coma.

           “Did they say when she’ll be able to wake up?”

           “Hopefully tomorrow,” John explains. “But at the latest, New Years.”

           Mary reaches out, grabbing his hand. “You need to sleep.”

           “I can’t sleep.”

           “Come on, John, Sherlock will be here all night, you know he will. You need to go home and sleep. We can come back first thing in the morning after you’ve had a shower.”

           It takes a few more moments of coaxing, but eventually John leaves, telling Sherlock he’ll see him in the morning. Sherlock merely waves, not really focused on anything but you right now.

           And Gidon. Gidon has been taken into custody, even though Sherlock wanted to kill him. Lestrade had to physically restrain Sherlock from kicking Gidon’s face in.

           Sherlock told Lestrade he better lock Gidon up tight because…someone might kill him during the night. That someone is Sherlock.

           His phone begins buzzing in his pocket, causing him to join reality again. But it’s his brother.

           “What do you want?”

           “How is she doing?” Mycroft asks, because even though his brother is angry with him, he still knows him better than anyone else, and he knows he needs someone to talk to right now.

           “She’s in a coma,” Sherlock pauses. “Medically induced. Because of you, might I add.”

           “Yes, because you haven’t stressed it enough,” Mycroft sighs. “When will she wake?”

           “Tomorrow,” Sherlock says quietly. “Or New Year’s.” He doesn’t want Mycroft anywhere near you, but he also knows there isn’t much he can do to stop him.

           “Alright.”

           “Don’t come,” Sherlock orders.

           “I am coming to check on her, Sherlock,” Mycroft counters. “I will text you when I arrive, so if it is absolutely too much for you, you can leave, so you won’t have to see my face.”

           “I’m not leaving you alone with her.”

           “Very well. I will text you all the same.”

           “Goodbye, Mycroft.”

           Sherlock doesn’t wait for his brother to answer before he ends the call, sighing frustratedly. Mycroft is who got you in this mess, and now he thinks he should come visit you. As if he has the right.

           Sherlock leans back in the chair he’s been sitting in for an hour now. He got bored with pacing, so he decided to sit and think, but this chair is nothing like his back at Baker Street – comfortable and broke in. But he’s not leaving you here.

           “Hey.”

           He looks up, finding a woman – a nurse, early thirties, a new mother – leaning against the doorway, a soft smile on her lips. “Hello.”

           “I’m Natalie,” she offers, fitting one of her hands in the front pocket of her scrubs. “You’re Sherlock Holmes?”

           He nods.

           “You’re here to see…”

           “Y/N,” he answers for her. “Y/N L/N.”

           “I figured,” Natalie nods. “Are you two married?”

           “No…”

           “Wrong answer.”

           Sherlock furrows his eyebrows. “I’m sorry?”

           “Look,” Natalie sighs, walking further into the room and lowering her voice. “Visiting hours are long over. The only reason you’re still here is because I’ve told them you’re not causing any trouble. Now, only one immediate family member can stay overnight with a patient. Since her brother left, that leaves the option of a spouse.” She pauses, raising her eyebrows. “So. Are you married?”

           Sherlock hears what she’s saying and knows that at this point it doesn’t matter about telling the truth. “Yes.”

           “Right answer,” she smiles brightly. “Now, come here. The chair in her room isn’t the best, but it’s better than these. And you’ll have some privacy.”

           Sherlock feels himself smiling, suddenly grateful for Natalie’s generosity. He lets the nurse lead him into your room where you lay peacefully, not moving. He averts his eyes, still not used to seeing you in this state. Your shoulder is fine, sling holding your arm up while it heals. There’s a large bruise covering your cheek, vaguely resembling a handprint, and Sherlock has to take a deep breath to calm himself down after seeing it.

           “Here’s a pillow,” Natalie tosses it to him. “I’ll come back with a blanket and check her vitals, and I’ll try to leave you alone for the rest of the night. Something tells me you’d notice if something was wrong.”

           “Thank you,” he says, actually meaning it for once.

           True to her word, Natalie returns with a blanket a few moments later. She hands it to Sherlock before she begins checking your vitals.

           “Everything looks good,” she murmurs. “Have a good night, Mr. Holmes. I’ll be back on my rounds but try to get some sleep. You look exhausted.”

           Sherlock makes a face at her as she leaves, feeling suddenly like a child being told it’s their bedtime.

           He tries to sleep, he really does. He props the pillow in the corner of the chair and pulls the blanket up to his chin. He tries looking out the window at the lights of the city, but his eyes always find their way back to you. You, sleeping soundly, completely unbothered by the outside world. Completely unaware of the worried man sleeping at your bedside.

           Or so Sherlock thinks.

This is when I would start “The Night We Met” by Lord Huron.

           You’ve heard of people in comas having out of body experiences or being able to hear their family members talking to them, but you didn’t think it was real. Until you heard Sherlock start talking.

           You had heard him talk minutes before to a nurse, Natalie, you remember seeing her when you first came in, only briefly. You heard the rustle of the chair next to your bed, no doubt Sherlock settling down. You wish you could move, open your eyes and let him know you’re okay, but you can’t move. All your brain is allowing you to do is listen.

           “My brother used to tell me a story,” Sherlock began, moving his eyes from you to look back out at the city. “When we were kids, he told a lot of stories, a lot of frankly rubbish stories, but he was a rubbish big brother. He told me a story about the east wind.

           “I don’t know why I’ve thought of it just now or why I’m talking to you about it when you’re clearly comatose, but I haven’t slept in three days, so I assume I’m verging on delirium.”

           You want to smile. To laugh at his blunt humor. Then to scold him and tell him to go to sleep. Despite the arguments you had before…before everything happened, you wish you could move, could scoot over on your hospital bed, so he could join you, so he could hold you, so you could tell him it doesn’t matter that he’s scared because you’re scared too, but that you can both be scared together and you can get through this together. Not apart. Together.

           “My brother used to tell me the east wind takes us all in the end. It was this terrifying force that lays waste to all in its path, seeks out the unworthy and plucks them from the Earth. That was generally me.

           “But as we grew older, he warned me about the east wind. It was my…addiction. It was my destructive side. He warned me not to let the east wind take me, but also not to let the east wind become me.

           “I know you aren’t really here right now, and I’ve never been a man to gamble, but I hope you somehow hear these words.

           “Do not let the east wind take you.”

           If you had any control over your body right now, you know you would be crying. The break in his voice when he says those last words, like he doesn’t want it to be true and he doesn’t want to even entertain the possibility of you not waking up.

           “After all, I need my companion,” he chuckles darkly, his voice thick, and you wonder this time if Sherlock Holmes is actually crying again. “I can’t let the east wind take you. I’m not sure what I’d do with myself if it did.”

           You wait.

           “I know it hasn’t been long since I’ve met you, but your presence at Baker Street is something I have found myself growing used to. If you were to no longer be there, I don’t know what it would feel like. I can only imagine that this must be how John felt when I was gone.

           “I admit that was wrong of me to do, to fake my own suicide. If this is the east wind teaching me a lesson, I can assure you, it has been learned.

           “I have never felt this feeling before of fear that I can’t protect someone, and I’m not sure what exactly to call it. I’m afraid even my mind palace has limited information on the subject.

           “I know I have limited information on you, seeing as I’ve only known you for under a year, and I can be more self-centered more days than most, but one thing I believe is that there is a right day to die. We can feel it, when it comes. And if you never wake up…”

           He stops himself, and I hear him take in a shuddering breath.

           “If you never wake up, then I want to leave you with these words. I think I might love you, Y/N, and I’m not sure what I should do with this revelation other than tell you right now because I am afraid I might never have another chance to say these words.

           “It is true that I have taken a liking toward you from the moment we met, and you have managed to confuse this brain of mine on more than one occasion.

           “But it won’t confuse me if you do go with the east wind. I understand if it is your time. And I…I am grateful for the time I did have with you. Though I have always despised the east wind, I understand if you would rather go with it than me.”

           There’s another moment of silence, followed by some rustling, and you think he’s rolled over and finally gone to sleep, but that isn’t the case.

           You’re caught off guard by a gentle kiss being placed on your forehead, his hand smoothing over your cheek one last time.

           His touch leaves you, making you wish nothing more than to let your body move, to wrap your arms around him and make him stay.

           There’s more rustling, and after some time, you hear him begin to snore.

[oncerpotter2018]

Dark Phoenix: Mutants Are Humans Too

If I become the only person to appreciate this film and saw it for what it was meant to be, then let me be that person. If I am called out for my love for this then let it be so. I have been so loved and deeply emotionally attached to human beings, knowing how it feels to feel alone, to be afraid and to be different, I knew that since watching the first three X-Men movies, I never knew how much these movies will change my life. I never doubted these films and never seemed to try to compare them to others because I already do that with myself. 

If I  were to agree with those who loathe it then I would be lying to myself. I would be dishonest and so here is an account of an analysis of the movie, the ideas and thoughts that raised through my mind. investigating the ways which it was a human film, focusing on the human more than the super in “superhuman”. So if being called out for what is deemed the worst then let me called it the best thing I have ever seen. Still going to defend it until only a few of us are left, still holding on to that hope that had been thought of us for so long ago. 

I am going to be as honest and as truthful in my views because it is the most human thing to do... 

(Warning for spoilers and mild blood/violence) 

Director: 

Simon Kinberg

Cast: 

Sophie Turner, Jessica Chastain, James McAvoy, Michael Fassbender, Jennifer Lawrence, Nicholas Hoult, Tye Sheridan, Alexandra Shipp, Kodi Smit-McPhee, Evan Peters

Rating: 5 Stars 

“I’m not afraid of you, Jean. Look at me. Focus on my voice. We’re going to get through this together. I’m not giving up on you, Jean. This is what family does. We take care of each other. You’re my family, Jean”

From its traumatic beginning to its heartbreaking climax and to its bittersweet ending, Dark Phoenix played with human emotions, mixing in real-life situations with the fantasy that is the superheroes that they are. Like in the many films that came before it, it begins with a family. The music is playing, the sun is out, and eight-year-old Jean Grey is in the back seat as her parents drive to their destination. However, for Elaine Grey, she would never reach her destination for she was the mother who dies with her eyes open. Jean now alone, is visited by Charles Xavier and from this moment on, the life of Jean Grey would never be the same again and with this scene, where man and child discuss this over, each of the characters are closely framed together, it offers a bound, a relationship that would later be shattered. Jean’s facial expressions and body language are suited for a young child who is afraid, alone and is isolated from her parents. Without parental guidance, without that love and embrace from her family, she shies away, eyes drawn towards the ground. Charles later gives Jean a home, a place where she can roam free with others like herself. But she declines the offer, saying she breaks things and to that Charles promised her on the year of 1975 that she is not broken, and he’ll help her, guide her and make her believe she can do anything. Anything she sets her mind to.

Soon after the events of Apocalypse, its been ten years and things have changed and not just physically. What I adored and admired from this movie was exploring a side of Charles we haven’t seen before. The side of pride and an excess of having too much. Charles desired to be praised, to be accepted and play a bigger role in society. James McAvoy magnificently captures Charles’s moments of glory, the way he smiles and plays along with this fame and success with such egotism. His ego was later tested when the direct line to the President is cut off, metaphorically cutting himself off from the fame and glory he tried to hold. What I respected from Simon Kinberg, was the way he understood about our attachment to our pride, our successes and our wants in life and by the end of this film, Simon created a sense of what it means to be human, to make mistakes and learn to evolve from them. For Charles, this meant to learn to forgive and admit he was wrong. In the end, he was reminded of his wrong decisions, the way he pushed away what was more important for a life he wanted so bad.

Dark Phoenix showed me not just superheroes but humans too, humans who are different but can still be subdued by their emotions. During what seems to be the film’s most heartbreaking climax, the death of Raven was a scene that made me cry the most. The truth comes out from her father, about his abandonment, his lack of love and care for Jean, that after her mother’s death, his world died. To him, Jean died with it. This was the moment of a girl lost, looking for her home, for her past only to come home to nothing, except for a father who lost hope, a father who was a coward. A father who failed to bring his own child home. I understood then why Jean cried, got angry and what made it convincing was Sophie Tuner’s ability to express herself, to express Jean’s mixed emotions. To turn herself into the Dark Phoenix. Jean soon confronts her other family, her friends and lies are unravelled and the truth comes out as Charles’s lie begins to break and crumble and he could no longer convince her to stay. In many failed attempts to get to Jean, by Charles’s command, Raven was up next. Jean and Raven’s conversation illustrates the ideas of the caring mother trying to understand what is happening to her child, to her family. The two-shot, going back and forth from Jean to Raven generates a sense of disillusionment and sustains this relationship between the two women. As Raven inches closer to Jean, the distortion effect created by this editing technique relates back to Jean’s disillusionment, her mind unable to differ from her reality and an illusion causing Jean to lose control killing Raven in the process.

Jennifer Lawrance and Nicolas Hoult’s performances during the moment when Raven slowly died cried out to me, it spoke to me. It made me cry. The way that they were framed in a close-up, the camera right in their faces was emotional. Hoult, having played Hank McCoy for four films has outdone himself on this one; how Hank rushes forward, his eyes never leaving Raven’s own. The camera lingers on Hank’s face and his reaction was the piece of what proves of Dark Phoenix’s most human qualities. Raven’s death was also the turning point to a chain reaction of frustration, grief and anger amongst Raven’s closest family and friends. Raven was the person that connected them all and having seen Raven grow in previous films, she had become a sister, a mother, a friend and a hero. The relationships she had obtained over the years especially to Charles, Hank and Erik was so deep so that when she died it was reasonable for their emotions of anger to explode, they had the right to feel angry, frustrated and to cry. To let out their emotions, to be just a human being. As well as this, like that of Elaine Grey, Raven was another mother who died with her eyes wide open.

Simon Kinberg called the movie a ‘family drama’ and he wasn’t wrong, From start to end, the movie delivered the promise of an emotional drama between family. It had begun with the loss of a family only to end with a family who is just beginning to heal. Jean lost her mother to the accident and loss her father to his emotional wounds. Jean found a new home with the X-Men but as dramas go, it idealises on the tragedies of life, the cruelness of fate and the reality in which we live in. None of these characters knew what life had for them, they went blindly through their lives not expecting anything. For Raven, she wanted to move on and so the universe heard her, and gave her what she wanted, a way out: in dearth. Raven never expected to die that day, she never thought of that moment, but what was tragic was she never knew what had become of Jean, what may her future become. The family drama heats up in the kitchen as Hank and Charles voice their emotional opinions, an argument only seen by my eyes like a brother vs brother in law unsettlement in its own soap opera. In a dark and cold tone colour, the kitchen that once was a place of life when Charles first met Raven, now feels empty, isolating and missing any forms of life. Hank increases his temper, demanding Charles, almost begging him to admit he was wrong, to see what he had become. In the end, in a tired and restless Hank, the truth come together and getting the last words the camera focuses on Hank’s face, Hoult’s facial expression filled with convincing anger and grief told Charles what he wanted to say:

“This whole time, we’ve been trying to protect these kids from the world, when really, we should’ve been protecting them from you”

This cold hard confession leads the friendship turning south as the last frame is Charles’s reaction where McAvoy produces a stunning pained expression for realizing what his friend really thought. In the same scene what I loved about it and a moment that made me also tear up was Hank’s own self-confession. The tragic loss of his lover, a memory he can’t forget had led him to blame himself for Raven’s untimely demise, and his language used in the dialogue reflects his emotional wounds, a feeling that had been echoed from John Grey’s own self sorrow. However, what sets him apart from Charles or Mr Grey was his courage to admit he was wrong, to face Charles and say he blames himself for Raven’s death, realizing him from this pain, not completely, but just enough to get Charles thinking, to help him realize that if he can do it then Charles may follow, except he didn’t leaving Hank displeased resulting to his own abandonment of the school, of Charles and abandoning what he stood for. A man of hope.

Dark Phoenix also holds up for its other antagonist, Vuk. An alien with her race searching for the power inside Jean and restart their lives here on earth. Jessica Chastain, a new member of this world of X-Men films, steps in nicely to the heels of Vuk. We first see Margret Smith, a bubbly and full of life women at the dinner party. What is striking is her dress. This costume choice made by the costume department is truly symbolic as from her platinum blonde hair and dress symbolises purity and innocence. This is later changed to a black dress covered with a black coat, symbolising evil and power which contrasts with her hair, remaining her trust and good intentions towards Jean. Speaking of costume changes, Jean too has a drastic costume change, going from grey tones to deep reds and dark purples; this too signifying change and in both physical and metaphoric sense Jean had risen from the ashes to become the Dark Phoenix. The relationship between Vuk and Jean is appealing and sends out an inside look at the means of manipulation. In her vulnerable state with no one to trust Vuk sweeps in to rescue Jean. Having seen Jean’s trust in the men in her life lose their purpose and with Raven dead, it seems that Vux is the one person who Jean can trust. Both being women and a person of understanding, trust and a person who listens, Jean is blinded from the signs of manipulation. The bar scene was intimidating and fills the void in Jean’s heart, the now empty space that is being filled by the words of this stranger. Chastain confidently speaks in a voice of reassurance as the words contrast between “scared little girl” to “the most powerful creature on the planet” making Jean believe she can help her, to understand her, unlike her X-Men. The scene ends with a malicious grin, a sign of deviance in the eyes of the stranger that Jean barely knows.

Living in Genosha, serving as a leader in protecting mutants is Erik Lehnsherr. He cares for those he can help and defines their purpose by living in harmony and peace. His scenes with Jean are an emotional moment and touching and serious moment between Michael Fassbender and Sophie Tuner only increases the tension higher as both actors come face to face trying to understand each other. Fassbender’s tone of voice is strong and determined, asking questions and demanding them on point while Tuner’s body language and emotional facial expressions echo the fragile and broken state that Jean is placed upon; Tuner continues to present a vulnerable Jean, a Jean that on the brink of disaster as Erik pesters her with questions, pressuring her in a moment of anger and unrest. With such intensity and visible interaction between the two mutants, the turning point was made clear as the distressed Jean Grey releases the Dark Phoenix. Genosha is now under threat by Phoenix and after seeing the destruction caused by Jean, Erik begins to express anger and loss of trust. He banishes Jean and it’s the expression that Sophie gave that projected on the screen so well; her confounded and pain faced quickly turned to a face of anger and rage. This scene alone quickly adds to the stress and frustration of Jean’s mental state. Abandoned by her father, by Charles, by Hank, by Scott and now Erik. Its no wonder why Jean chose Vuk, to trust the only who cares. Who doesn’t question but to only understand.

Alexandra Shipp, Kodi Smit-McPhee, Tye Sheridan and Evan Peters co-star next to their fellow X-Men showing off their characters abilities. Shipp and McPhee’s characters Storm and Nightcrawler engages with their powers and offer a fantastic display of true strength and human assets. Storm is unique here and produces more than just a storm. Demonstrating the role of a moral compass to Scott and a friend when he is in need and a companion for her friends and family. For McPhee, what is exciting to me was his innocence and maturity, the way he can be both funny and still grew as an adult. What made me cry during his part was something I least expected, a moment of reality hitting this young mutant and the moment when witnessing the death of a stranger whose kid will be left fatherless and a wife who is left widowed, he could not let his death be a left forgotten. This turns him to aggressively kill the aliens, unleashing a warpath between anyone who got in his way which presents a courageous act of heroism especially to avenge the man he barely knew. McPhee understands his character and acts with determination, the way he scrunches up his face with anger and fights back showing character development; going from an innocent, bewildered young mutant still discovering his true potential, to be able to defend himself and others in a selfish act of  bravery as he returns the favour to the man who couldn’t save. For Scott Summers, death was already something he was used to; after his brother’s death, the loss of Raven and Jean was beyond what he can handle. His attitude had changed all those years ago now becoming part of something much bigger. A part of a team, a family. Tye Sheridan gets romantically involved with Sophie Tuner as Jean and Scott’s relationship develops love the ten years, seeing them caught up their love affairs.

Evan Peters, the man who plays the quick and quirky speedster, QuickSliver, had his role cut short. His role lacked in appearance and not enough of him shown however whether it is due to the pressure of the Fox-Disney deal and extensive reshoots deeming the editing team to cut and leave things out from what had been originally in the trailers to meet their deadline, yet for me, I believe the real answer lies in the moments of his rescue attempt in trying to save Jean. His injuries leaving him bloodied and bruised, deeming him unsuitable to service the X-Men in their further mission; for me, this was the ideal situation of any kind of reality from which people get injured, get hurt especially after such tragic events. Even Peters still manages to pull off Maximoff’s funny quirks, as for instance his line:

“I basically did everything. I mean, Jean did a little, like, towards the end. But it was mostly all me”

Peter’s actually improvised this and luckily it made it to the final cut. Furthermore, while people bicker about his nonappearance and lack of the big reveal of father and son but despite this all, I still cried. The uncertainty of his injury leaves questions in our minds on whether he is okay or whether it had left him permanently injured for good. To this effect, I was beginning to recognise a matter of human suffering, situations where life is cruel and unbearable, and by the end of the film, his fate is revealed and say how much he had rested over time. To allow time to heal his wounds. And for me, I never noticed his disappearance, I was probably still crying over past events, where the death of Raven and Jean’s distress state consumed my mind leaving me crying. My eyes sore by the end of the movie.

As the story continues, the fight for Jean is amongst them as they encounter each other face to face in 5th Avenue for their final battle. Both sides offer explanations, trying to counter each other as they reach for Jean. Soon the epic battle for survival and for Jean insures as friends turned to enemies and the world as the know it had fallen behind them. Every shot was intense, the lives of civilians in danger of rampaging mutants but what was hard not to notice was the battle going on with Hank and Scott, two mutants who just several years ago, fought together to save the world from Apocalypse. Now they are in ahead to head battle to either save Jean or kill her. The fight between McCoy and Summers is a moment of struggle between friends, of two men who had lost to much and now is on the brink of trying to do what is right. Hoult and Sheridan’s performances are spectacular showcasing the strained friendship that these two had once held. Hoult provides his Beast rage as his rough movements indicate power and speed to get to Jean. While this was going on, the night time scenery and low lighting create a murky mood, reflecting the mindset of the character and how they are feeling. Magneto’s costume, like Vuk, is black and never too complicated. This simple and slick design helps to camouflage Erik into the darkness, allowing him to easily get to Jean. What was also most engaging with this scene was the moments of the strength of Magento’s powers as he lifts the subway cart from the ground and brings it up the surface. The crew behind the visual effects had brought a high standing finish to Magento’s ultimate power. The cart emerging to the top of the street, keeping our eyes on the destruction down beyond as the crane shot view captures our attention slowly as the cart explodes from the ground. From this, a display of true strength shows Magento pulling the train through the entrance and having heard in interviews, that the train and wall were built and were real, the most worrying of all was that having one shot at this moment it appeared and it clearly showed in the scene how the train came six inches close to hitting actor Michael Fassbender. With such confidence and a heart of steel, he had never even flinched or blink as those bricks fell down, and now that is through perfect as Erik would say.

Jean and Erik's reencounter comes to an eye to eye contact between family once again. Both of them unleashes their gifts, with Magento making the first move. In a shocking turn when Erik couldn’t kill Jean, the Dark Phoenix within her sets free all hell on him. with a move of her hand, the most spine-chilling scene occurred as Phoenix crashes Erik’s helmet and it doesn’t help either with Fassbender’s straining eyes in a close-up, the pained and gritting way he clenches his teeth adds to the growing pain he is feeling. In suspended in motion, the helmet breaks and with one last gleam of rest Phoenix quickly finishes the job and throws Erik out of the window in a what would have been a back-breaking fall. In a rush to get to Jean, in another moment of family and hope, Charles reaches Jean. In a not so expected moment, Phoenix increases her power, lifting Charles towards her. This scene captives the agony of Charles where McAvoy does with such detail as he needs to be in pain. Beyond this scene, Charles tries to help Jean remember, to bring Jean back to her senses, to just remember who she truly is. Like all the memories, the sense of a dream-like blur and distortion effect offers a unique idea of what was true, what was Charles trying to protect her from. This for me enchants the human side of a family ready to heal, ready to accept forgiveness. Jean begins to understand as Charles becomes the better man in front of her father. It now all comes together as the scene between Charles and John becomes clear:

“Will you take her?” - Mr Grey 

“Yes, I can help her in ways that you can’t”- Charles Xavier 

“She can’t be helped. She’s a lost cause”- Mr Grey 

“No, she’s not. As long as there’s someone who cares for her who believes, then there’s still hope”- Charles Xavier 

The message of hope still rings throughout the X-Men films and it seems as though Dark Phoenix wasn’t going to let it side as well. It still continues to bring the message of hope to its audience especially in this case of giving hope to children, to children who need hope for life, a home and a family; just someone who cares, who believes in them. Someone who loves them for who they are. Switching to back to Jean, Vuk took an opportunity to take what was hers, she approaches Jean, carefully touching her and spoke about her future. Down with her vulnerable state, Jean shakes her head, tears beginning to fall from her strained eyes.

“I never asked for this. Any of it.” - Jean Grey 

“I travelled the stars for a gift that you don’t want?”- Vuk 

“Then take it. Please. Free me”- Jean Grey 

Being fueled by fear and confusion of what she had become, she realizes the truth, how she never wanted this for anyone, not even for herself. She begs Vuk for release, for her freedom. With a nod, Vuk couldn’t agree more. The next few scenes empower Scott and begin to have the others dragged rather inhumanly by guards. The train scene keeps them locked together, trapped in the same place having no place to run or hide. Having this opportunity, being in this confined space gives Charles an opportunity finally admit he was wrong. He was ready to face Hank and Erik, to prove that Jean was not the villain, but he was, how he had failed Jean and everyone else all because of his ego, for wanting something he only wanted. The back and forth moment towards Hank and Erik’s faces shows at first the lack of interest, not willing to forgive just yet, but what was the turning point was what Scott had said, about Raven and what she would have wanted. For Hank, it had registered a spark of truth, for he never thought of what Raven would have wanted, to have wanted from him. it was time to step up, to save Jean. Moving from this, the battle begins to increase, both sides raging war against the other and it wasn’t long until Vuk joined the fight taking down their first defence. Soon she wrecks a trail of bodies as each one of Jean’s family drops down hurt and broken.

As Charles tries to wake Jean up, to learn to forgive her, Charles, in a heaven-like place, confronts eight-year-old Jean played by the wonderful Summer Fontana. While they talked, the scene that unfolds is arranged in a battle of protecting Jean, and the approaches of emotional connections made towards these characters as Jean and Charles talks. Fontana plays an innocent young girl, a girl who had finally found peace and has already forgive Charles. The light flares that bounces off and on the screen symbolizes the reflection of this being all inside Charles’s mind, a place of peace and serenity can flourish. For once in Charles’s mind, he speaks with reassurance and feels the guilt he had been feeling for so long, and they're staring right in front of him is the same eight-year-old girl he had talked to and promised to keep safe all those years ago. Charles understands what he had to do, he had to protect Jean, to keep her away from the trauma, the pain and give her what she deserves, what every child deserves…

“A family” Jean replies, nodding both with Charles. This conversation between chid and a father figure, both characters are freeing themselves from the pain they had to suffer as Jean recognises what she must do and understand that the lie that Charles told was done from the act of love, how he had loved her more than her own father that he was willing to lie. To save her from having to grow up being afraid of the world. with having the last say, Jean now knows what she must do. That is to:

“Protect My Family”

Just this simply three words had made such an impact, it had sealed the movie with its theme of family and what the family stands for. A family protects and cares for their loved ones, to love each other through hard times and that is what Jean will do. And shortly after this, Jean had woken, her mind ready to fight and what I had noticed was the moment when Charles held Jean’s hand, the sign of prayer and hope which I must confess made me tear up. As her promise to protect her family, they are soon encased in a bubble as the train carts disperse and fall back with devastating results. Soon, the final battle begins as Jean tries to protect her family. A family she couldn’t save before. As the battle insures, Jean, now being able to take control over her own fate sets loose on the remaining aliens, banishing them from the face of the earth. With warm and hot tones of red, orange and yellow adding to the flames around them, the exterior designs help to establish power and control as Jean as Phoenix fights to protect and serve. While thinking Vuk is gone for good, we would think wrong as Vuk returns but this time to truly take it by force. Now free from the chains that held her down for so long, she uses this force for her own advantage. In a spectacular display of face to face encounter with Vuk and Jean, the power to obtain the force becomes too much for Vuk. In her last attempts to achieve what she wanted, she uses Jean’s emotions to bring her down.

“Your emotions make you weak”

And with one last look at her family, the people that got angry because they care so much, she gives them one last nod and ends Vuk, sacrificing herself in the process. And with last one look, there was nothing that her family could do but watch as Jean takes the battle in her own hands, protecting them as she promised. In space, both women circle around, the camera spinning with them as Jean closes in on Vuk finishing with:

“You’re wrong, my emotions make me strong”

With this approval of both her mind and heart, Vuk finally is finally vanquished, leaving Jean to disappear among the stars, leaving on being the trace of a phoenix burning in the sky. From down below, its Erik’s sadden expression that is caught first, the way his face drops down to show a feeling of sorrow and mournful, thinking probably what he and said before to Jean. Soon Scott thinks of Jean, that she is now gone, like Raven. And yet it was Charles who spoke the truth, how she is now free, that she is no longer his little girl anymore and must set her free, like the phoenix she was meant to be. To make her own decisions, to control her own fate. In the end, it fades to black and the world seems at peace once again. The next scene leads to the epilogue, a bittersweet ending to what had been a long and severe battle over Jean whose sacrifice had led to their protection and survival. Her sacrifice wasn’t as much of heroic sacrifice as those like Tony or Natasha from Endgame, but it was that nod of her head as she looked at Charles one last time that showed how much she was loved, how she can trust them to be okay without her. Her sacrifice was never a heroic one a way to protect those she loves, to do it for them for she couldn’t those she loved the first time. what seems to be a couple of years later, in a scene of innocence and peace, the flowers by the gate that once was lined with red lilies are now white, a symbol of hope, innocence and purity as Scott reassembles the new sign for the school now under a new name: Jean Grey School for Gifted Youngsters. This change in the name is a good decision, a decision probably made by Charles as in the end its not only the family that has changed but the home does too and the school was the home that Charles gave to Raven and to Jean, a place both grew up and a place where they last stayed. To enable the school to continue without the past haunting him, the scene of Hank walking to his office says a lot of the changes that had been placed.

It is now another school year, a new term as the tracking shot moves around the school showing Strom teaching science, Kurt and Peter leading more mature leads and now Hank, the new Professor and Dean of the school now named after a friend he wouldn’t save. What was touching about this scene in the epilogue as well as the photo of Raven at this desk, the way Hank had it framed and this wasn’t only a touching moment but a prop that is a reminder that Hank had moved on, how everyone has and how they have learnt to find acceptance in this world of cruelty. Of course, they still feel grief and pain on the inside but as they say, time will heal all wounds and that’s what Simon had reflected here. But what was so intriguing and so beautiful in any shape of form was the concluding moment between Charles and Erik. An ending to where it had all begun. Now in Paris, Charles and Erik meet up in a nearby café with Erik wanting to place chess. Chess has been a sign of their everlasting war between their beliefs is now just a casual game between two long friends. For me, this wasn’t just a heart-warming and symbolic end to the relationship between friends but also, if I say so myself, a beautiful and romantic grand gesture of love and passion as Erik reminds Charles of how he saved him from the waters back in the year of ’62, how he had given him a home and now he wants to do the same for Charles. And if that wasn’t enough, Kinberg happily implies the words: 

“I’ll go easy on you”

And Charles’s replies:

“No, you won’t”

With them ending the scene in laughter and quirky smiles. If this wasn’t Cherik enough them I don’t know what will. But Dark Phoenix had just become the moment when Cherik became canon. So, if Cuba was their Beach Divorce, then Paris would be their Chess Proposal. But as they start their game, the camera slowly tilts up, getting a glimpse of the Paris street and a hint of the Eiffel Tower and there off in the distance is a trail of a phoenix, a reminder that this isn’t the end of Jean, this is only the beginning.

Overall, Dark Phoenix was more drama and human then about superheroes. It was more than trying to save the world and more like trying to save a person from it. To save a family member from the pain and hurt of a childhood trauma. Dark Phoenix details what happens when a lie to protect becomes a lie that kills. How the ego kills relationships and how the death of a loved one allows grief and pain to spiral someone out of control, seeking revenge at the person who killed their close relation. Dark Phoenix was the movie that had made me feel like this journey had ended but will not be forgotten. To me, with its music score done by the very talented composer Hans Zimmer, and the brilliant minds of both Simon Kinberg and Hutch Paker, every detail and every piece of dialogue matter and had created a while and an emotional roller coaster filled with pain and heartbreak. It didn’t just tell a story about superheroes but a story about a family and about how a little girl had to grow up and face the truth of a lied that protected her all these years. What Simon had done was to explore human emotions and show the ideas of psychological and philosophical ideas of our mind and how we treat others as human beings.

By the end of the film, there is acceptance and the power of hope remains at the heart of the school and to the people around them, as well as to what the X-Men represent. And soon enough the film itself had taught valuable life lessons to take back home, to shape our minds about family and about ourselves. So in the end, I can say that I’m proud of this movie and deserves my full attention and receives five stars as a reward for its display of human beings, about family and about never losing hope especially to a child in need.

[jtrahan]

I’ve always known I was going to be eaten by a witch on my thirteenth birthday.

It wasn’t a secret or anything. In the morning my brothers and sisters would get on the school bus to go to kindergarten and my mother would drive me to daycare with all the other Witch Kids. That was what they called us; we had little name tags with “Witch Kids” in curly writing at the top and little drawing of black cats or steaming cauldrons at the bottom. It wasn’t anything to be ashamed of, being a Witch Kid. Our teachers stressed this over and over again. Some kids would grow up to be teachers or lawyers or police officers, and some kids would be eaten by the witch to ensure the town’s continued prosperity. Both were equally important. We had a little picture book featuring a story to this effect, in which a whole bunch of smiling cartoon children in various career-themed outfits waved cheerful goodbyes to the beaming Witch Kids ascending the stairs to the witch’s house. When we got older, we were expected to read this book to the younger children. There was a new one in the class every year. They needed to be taught these things. They didn’t always understand what an honor it was to be eaten by the witch.

---

“What if I didn’t, though,” I said desperately.

My mother paused, the dinner tray halfway through the slot at the bottom of my door. From my position on the floor I could just see the bottom half of her face as she crouched down to insert the tray. Her mouth was smiling.

“Sweetie,” she said. “We talked about this. What do we do when there are things that make us nervous? We get them over with, quickly, like a band-aid. And they’re never really as bad as we worried they’d be.”

“I think this one might be pretty bad,” I said. There was a calendar on the back of my door, all the blank white days of October obscured by red Xs. All but one.

“I googled how to hotwire a car,” I said. “And how to drive a car. And what different road signs mean. You wouldn’t have to help me or anything. Just let me sneak out to the garage. You can say it was an accident. They’ll believe you.”

“I though I raised you better than this,” said my mother disapprovingly. Her mouth trembled for a moment, but maintained its smile. “I know it’s unpleasant, but there are a lot of people counting on you. I’m counting on you. You don’t want to let me down, do you?”

“Could I let you down just this once, maybe,” I said. My cheek was pressed against the carpet, and I could feel my tears soaking into it. “Please, mom. Please. I’m begging you. Please let me go. I’ll do anything.”

Two teardrops rolled down the sides of my mother’s face and dripped into my mashed potatoes. Her mouth was a rictus, sickly and fixed.

“We all have to do our part,” she said. “Eat up. You’ve got a big day tomorrow.”

---

They came with torches and pitchforks. Just a precaution, they explained. They sounded half apologetic, and continued apologizing as they dragged me down the stairs, my fingernails leaving gashes in the wallpaper. Just making sure everything is done properly, that’s all. Just going by the book.

On main street a parade had assembled, schoolkids blowing tunelessly on their instruments or practicing baton spins, cub scouts treading absentmindedly on the banner they were supposed to be carrying, old men at the back of the line perched on the seats of polished tractors. There was a float in the middle, hitched to a black pickup truck, and in its center was a chair, with manacles on each arm, and clasps on the legs at ankle height. Just a precaution, m’dear, the mayor assured me, as he gave me his arm so I could climb onto the float, pitchforks pricking my back. Just in case. Perhaps we could only chain one arm, do you think? It does look much better if you wave to the people as you go by. Here, we have a bowl of candy you can throw to the kids. Make sure you’re getting the ones at the back! The mayor patted my shoulder kindly. Don’t be nervous, dear. You look very nice. Remember to wave slowly. It’s all in the wrist.

It was unseasonably warm for the end of October. Sweat dripped down the mayor’s face. He stepped down from the float and said something to the driver, and the parade started off, crawling slowly past the gas station and the pharmacy and the tents of the farmers market. Somebody clattered a pitchfork near my feet, and I raised my hand, slowly turning it back and forth, back and forth. Families lined the sidewalks. “Please,” I said, waving, sobbing, nose running and dripping onto my dress. “Please help me.” The parents stood and watched me. The kids at the edge of the road shrieked for candy. Everybody clapped.

---

At the witch’s house the parade paused, and there was some consternation because the mayor had dropped the key to my chains somewhere, or left them in his other coat, or something. God damn it, I heard him hissing at the town treasurer, I don’t know where it is, just get her out of there somehow. The mayor kept checking his watch. The sun had gone behind a cloud, but he was still sweating, stains blossoming on his shirt. “We’re almost of time,” he whispered, glancing furtively up the path to the witch’s house. “Somebody get a crowbar or something. She’ll be expecting us. We have to get this done.”

In the end they pried the manacles loose with a hammer, and I stepped down onto the pavement with chains dangling from my writs, nails still sticking out of the metal plate at the end.

The witch’s house glowered over us, three stories of shattered windows and paint worn colorless, a tower of broken boards and cobwebs and rot. I looked up at it and I looked back and the crowd pressed in close and there was no help there, no way out, nothing. I had half made up my mind to die right there on the end of a pitchfork, but my body wouldn’t quite let me.

Up the steps, boards creaking. Through the doorway, a shower of dust falling down onto my hair. Into the darkness. Into the house.

---

The inside of the witch’s house was almost incomprehensibly destroyed, as though some monstrous arm had smashed everything it could reach, and kept on smashing until it died of exhaustion. A staircase to the second floor had collapsed into ruin. Splintered objects at the edges of the room might once have been furniture. There was a chandelier in the middle of the floor, shattered and covered in a thick layer of cobwebs and dust. The darkness was suffocating. I could feel my breath quickening with panic, out of my control, and I tried to push backwards out of the door, but it was stuck fast. My own gasping filled my ears, and I couldn’t breath, I couldn’t breath, I couldn’t breath, I couldn’t--

From the space between my body and the door, where no one could possibly have been standing, a hand pressed into my back.

Well, said the house, in the language of creaking boards, Let’s have a look at you.

Slowly, inexorably, the hand at my back began to push me forward, my shoes sliding through the dust and splinters, towards a hallway at the back of the room. The hallway was moving. The hallway breathed like a lung.

---

At the end of the hallway there was a light.

“No,” I said. “No, no, no, no, no, no--”

The ghostly hand gave a sudden shove, and I stumbled forward, into the light.

I was in a kitchen, tiled all in white. The refrigerator was white. The stove was white. The pristine countertops where white. The plates and cups on the table were mostly white, with a pattern of cherries around the edges. I blinked. The light was almost blinding.

The witch was sitting at the table, doing the crossword puzzle in the New York Times. She looked up as I entered. Her robe and hat were black and her face was grey and and more ancient than humanly possibly. She looked like a dead thing that had been bleaching on the side of the road after a week spent being knocked back and forth by passing motorists. She was chewing on the end of her pencil, and her teeth were jagged and rotten and black. As I entered, she looked up at me, milky eyes flickering in their sockets.

“Oh,” she said. “They sent another one, did they?”

My breath came back in a rush. I felt I was having what I imagined a heart attack would feel like. I felt like I was about to throw up on her floor.

The witch reached up to her mouth, and her rotten teeth slid forward into her hand. She placed the dentures on a little cherry patterned plate on the table. Something brushed past my legs, into the room: a small black cat, mewing impatiently. The witch stroked it with a long-nailed hand. She opened her mouth. She kept opening her mouth. She continued to open her mouth for a very long time. Empty gums stretched wide and wider, a doorway, a cave, tongue lolling forward like a stairway, leading down into the glistening dark.

“Well,” said the witch, somehow. “Come on, then. You better get in.”

---

There are many other children in here.

There is arcane knowledge glowing on the walls.

There is a thing with the head of a goat that speaks to us sometimes, in whispers, in a language we never knew we knew. This was never the plan, it tells us. The witch has been kind of bemused by this whole thing, to be honest. But no matter. If the fear is too much for them, if they’re still going to keep sending children, that’s fine. The witch has a place for us. She knows what to do with children.

In darkness we study the runes on the walls. In darkness the power of hell flows through us. In the darkness the voice whispers, its breath hot against our ears, calling us its children, its warriors, its army that will cover the world.

It’s almost time to go home.