#we tried to bribe ourselves by planning the honeymoon first

[ghostjelliess]

I googled exactly: neurodivergent, wedding planning, overwhelmed

I got a helpful reddit thread from something like r/neurodivergent brides, I don't remember, I was feverishly annoyed.

I read how "normal" people plan weddings: pick date, make basic guest list, send save the dates, find a venue with that date open, pick from the venue's provided lists for food/drink/entertainment/etc. Find your decorations according to venue allowance, find your attire according to developed theme, use pinterest boards to go way over budget, regret and divorce or empty a trust fund, depending on you and your partner's class status/parental intervention.

This made me many things... mostly more confused, but also with a much-needed spark of "ohhhhhhhhhh we've been doing this... not that way.....

A lady who wrote a reply was so sweet, she was like "this doesn't make sense to you, because you, like me, are trying to plan it all out together, you expect a system built for customization, but it's actually an iphone, built to combat decision fatigue, eliminating options with each choice commitment, which you hate." And that really sent it home. dang.

So then we were driving to groceries and I was explaining this to my fiance and he ranted the whole way about how illogical the system is and how that makes sense why it's so overwhelming, because the flow-chart design is an illusion not an actual logical system, and I just nodded and let him express all the things I was feeling. Very therapeutic. 10/10.

On top of that, we're not very competitive people. We're both oldests in one family and not in another, we just go with things, but the new england wedding scene is always a black-friday blowout. There is no off season, and the pickins do be slim.

We're a little screwed because we have huge midwest families, but it's been thirteen years, we'll figure it out eventually.