#we stopped at season 8 because i couldnt do it anymore :I this shit gets so boring

[pinkcrayon]

from last year - i rewatched voltron with my girlfriend

[glassesandkim]

ok so anon sent me a rant that i asked for and I want to answer it but under a cut so we don’t have to spam the dash. 

Click under the read more if you want to read me and anon’s rant on grey’s anatomy s17 finale

anon said: “Magston... what the hell lmao. They literally had a whole plot in 1716 about postponing their wedding so they could do it right (with family) and then winston was getting all mad about it and thought maggie was backing out (even though its a pandemic and theyve only been engaged for like what? 3 months tops). Then they flew their older parent/grandparent out (in the middle of a pandemic and severely affects old people), only to have them object to the wedding at the ceremony and then they postpone anyways???? What???? They couldnt have done that over the phone lmao like I liked the idea of magston a lot in s16 but their arc this season made me hate them so much lol. Sometimes I think theyre less developed than schmico (like which writer decided to marry them this season ????? Fireable offence imo considering they have no previous relationship history Im pretty sure and Im pretty sure they were only dating/engaged for like a year???? Even if the show was ending a moving in together/dating/engagment endgame would have worked for them? Anyways).”

First of all: what the fuck is grey’s obsession with marriage?????

It might just be me, but take it from someone who worked in the wedding industry for 3 years, and lemme tell you: weddings are fun, beautiful, amazing, but they’re also hella for the privileged. YOU KNOW IT CAN COST UP TO $700 CAD TO HIRE AN OFFICIANT??? So the job Richard had? He could’ve made an easy few hundies. 

I really hate how fucking fake and badly acted that scene was when Maggie’s dad and Winston’s grandma objected to the marriage. Why did they wait until then and EMBARRASS both of them???? Like you said, what the hell was the point of last episode’s whole debacle???? They could’ve just not done that plot in ep 16 and had them get married anyway in ep 17 and had someone object to their marriage. 

Can’t believe Maggie flew two old people around the country during a goddamn pandemic. How irresponsible is it???? Again, I don’t know if it’s because they’re just way more relaxed in the states than where I’m from but wth....

anon said: Okay and then amelink. I LOVED how amelia was written this episode, but in the context of the time jump it was kind of weird? Like amelia was feeling this way about marriage/more kids for 8-9 months and never even hinted to link that she wasnt interested? And I like to think link respects amelia a lot, so why didnt he bring up marriage again before proposing? Or ask mer/maggie what they thought about him proposing? I can understand her not talking to link about her concerns but I find it hard to believe she didnt bring it up with mer/maggie once in that time frame? Idk it was just rushed and weird. And amelia clearly wasnt okay with the fostering thing and he still went with it anyways lol.

I can’t remember and I don’t care enough to go watch the ep, but did Amelia and Link move out of Mer’s house? 

The only good thing about this episode was Amelia, especially her conversation with Richard (in that not very Seattle courtyard rofl HONESTLY GREY’S PUT SOME EFFORT IN YOUR SETS. YOU KNOW YOUR ENTIRE SHOW IS SET IN SEATTLE RIGHT/???? LIKE MAKE IT RAIN IN THAT COURTYARD TO REFLECT HOW AMELIA FEELS IDK GAWD)

I also can’t believe Amelia would just be like, welp! I guess I’m a double mom now of my own child and this random crotch child that my baby daddy promised to his best friend. And oh ya, I don’t want anymore children but shhh its a secert.

I mean, I know Amelia technically fostered before but ............. (i’ll continue this in the next segment)

anon said: And the fostering thing... Jo’s plot was weird this ep too lmao. Like maybe Im just dumb but they never explained why she failed her background check? Idk this plot would have been a much better season long arc than a one episode arc lol. Although I think the single parent thing might be fun next season (the weird jo/levi friendship will be worth it if we get schmico babysitting)

They didn’t really explain why she failed her bg check. I also don’t know how money can fix her failed background check.

Also how fucking shady is it that Link and Amelia fostered a child? Wouldn’t the foster people want to give a child to a stable family who, let’s think, ARE MARRIED and HAVE A HOME OF THEIR OWN?

Who’s the dumbass in the writer’s room that thought of this ludicrous convenient solution for Jo? Only people with that much money and power can steal children. 

I really thought Jo’s fight for Luna should’ve started earlier and when it didn’t start, I thought it would bleed into next season. It’s not easy to adopt a child. 

anon said: Also is our last jackson appearance on this show really a random facetime with jo? Would have much rather had a face maggie to congratulate her on her marriage (why wasnt he there???) 

Maggie’s kind of his step sister or whatever the f they are. Jackson could’ve taken a break from solving racism to attend his family member’s wedding, right?

anon said: Okay and then the interns... we never actually saw mer teaching them? Im hoping that theres a bigger intern/resident focus next season because of mers new job but now Im not optimistic haha. And why are the residents and interns grouped together? And why was levi so involved with mer’s patient that he wasnt pulled from the wedding to help???????? Its a double lung transplant get the upper year resident in there PLEASE!!! Or at least let him take over the surgery when mer passed out. Cristina would have been doing this shit in her intern year. I assure you he would much rather be at the surgery than the wedding of someone he has never interacted with. And Surely that surgery would have been better if more than 2 surgeons were working on it?????? my ONLY hope is that the time jump means we’re getting helm and levi aged up to 5th years and we get some chief resident/specialization/boards plots for them next year.

i hate grey’s and their ridiculous time jumps and blatant disregard to HOW THIS WILL AFFECT THE CAREERS OF THEIR RESIDENTS. 

I bet, like Teddy’s child, Levi and Helm are gonna be residents for 10 years and never choose a speciality. I want to revoke grey’s rights to call themselves a medical drama. There’s nothing medical about this show.

JUST WATCH MER TOUCH A DIRTY ASS BASIN AND THEN TOUCH A WHOLE HUMAN LUNG WITH THE SAME HANDS

YOU KNOW HOW DIRTY THAT BASIN IS SITTING ON WHATEVER THE FUCK IT WAS SITTING ON??? GET A NURSE TO HOLD THE BASIN. YOUR HANDS ARE STERILE

(Okay, I’m also sure the basin would be sterile but I can’t. I can’t believe in real life, they’d have the same hands hold a basin and a human organ. Someone who’s a doctor or works in the OR, tell me if I’m right. I need to know. )

Also, Bailey taking off her mask when she’s hugging Mer after the surgery. Right TO JAIL!

anon said: And finally... not half of maggies wedding guests ditching the wedding to go stand in a hallway and clap for mer LMAO like they couldnt have done that the next day??? Like I said before, most of this episode was comedy lol.

it’s COVID. Why are people going into the hospital unnecessarily??????

Yes, but you’re right. I gotta watch these eps like it’s a comedy or I’ll LOSE MY FACKING MIND

anon said: Redeeming parts of this episode: merhayes still has potential, need them to stop having the same scene over and over again though. Nico ily and alex get that cheque for sitting there, dancing, and clapping for ellen. Jo selling her shares to koracick... lmao. Bokhee and the other nurse getting their vaccines :’)

LOL @ merhayes having the same interaction. I was telling some people that I’d love for Hayes and Owen to have some scenes and for Hayes to kick Owen’s ass. Because like @schmico-ing said, Owen is a child collector and Hayes would absolutely fucking hate him.

YES ALEX LANDI GETTIN’ THAT DOUUUUGHHHHHHHHHHHHH. What an amazing job. I hope he gets paid in the 6 figures for his time at grey’s.

I don’t know how I feel about Koracick. I love caring Koracick. I hate asshole Koracick. I feel like they’re two different people. 

BOHKEE <3

Anyways, love your rants. I look forward to them when s18 starts or even whenever you have the odd urge to rant!

[horansqueen]

You & Me : chapter 32

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.5k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- notes: i tried to find a good gif for this of him right before a show and i couldnt. i know some exist but its almost 7am and im tired lol so yea.

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! :i love the requests you guys send me theyre amazing! thank you! 💖

Chapter 32 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

March 10,2018

I kept playing with my fingers and glancing at the door as I waited for Dylan to arrive. My foot started shaking under the table and I kept checking my phone to see if Niall had sent me a message or anything. I knew he was busy and I wasn't expecting him to call but I knew it would be awkward if he did while I was with Dylan. It was the very first time we were seeing each other since I broke up with him in Italy and I still felt like crap for the way I had treated him. I knew I was the bad guy in the story and I didn't even want to pretend otherwise. I took the blame, literally all of it, but I couldn't pretend I regretted it. It was better to stop things then, than to keep this game going on. I wouldn't have been able to resist Niall anyway and the whole cheating thing was not for me. It only made me feel like shit.

The door tinged and my head moved up so quickly I could have snapped my neck. He was there and I held my breath but when his eyes met mine, the smile he sent me made something stir in my stomach. Did I really break up with this guy?

I got up and he walked closer. I felt his hand on my upper arm as he kissed my cheeks before we both sat down, facing each other. He called the waitress and asked for water and a meal while I took my glass of wine and brought it to my lips. I needed it to survive this conversation because I felt like it was about to get heavy. I didn't know how he felt or what he thought, and somehow, I was scared. I didn't want him to hate me and at the same time, I couldn't blame him if he did.

We hadn't talked at all and he hadn't said anything mean about me, at least nothing I had heard about, but it wasn't really surprising. It was not his type to shittalk other people. It was also not his type to share his personal life or anything. I frowned, realizing he had quite a few things in common with Niall and that, perhaps, I had a type.

"How are you?" he asked in a soft tone, leaning his forearms on the table and crossing his fingers together.

I sent him a small smile and titled my head. "I'm... i'm okay, and you?"

"Oh, I'm good."

I nodded and started nibbling on my bottom lip from stress. He noticed and I saw the left corner of his lips raise up slightly as his lips twisted into a small smile.

"No need to be nervous, you know." he explained. "It's me. Just me. You've seen me naked before, and you've seen me with food on my face. Pretty sure you also heard me when I went to the bathroom. You're safe."

I laughed and shook my head, pressing my lips together. He was always so funny and I just nodded. I had no idea why, but I suddenly felt like everything would be alright. I knew Dylan, and i knew the kind of man he was, and I trusted him.

"Thanks, I just didn't want things to be awkward between us. We didn't really talk since that day in Italy and I was not sure... how you felt, and what you thought." I tilted my head, staring in his eyes, and I smiled at the incredible shade of brown they were. It made me think of how blue Niall's eyes were and how much I missed them. "We're filming together today and.. I don't know, is there any way we can make this less awkward or.. more comfortable?"

His smile turned into a sad one and he nodded slowly. "That's why you wanted to meet." he pointed out, as if he was realizing something that he didn't enjoy. He sighed and rubbed on of his eyes before slipping his hand in his hair and leaning against the chair. "We're both professionals, I mean, I was not going to start any trouble, Liv. I love working on this tv show. That's why I messaged you the first time."

I chuckled and raised my eyebrows, using a teasing tone. "Oh? I thought that was because you saw me act and thought you just had to meet me!" I joked with a small chuckle.

He shook his head slightly and looked away before sighing again.

"The truth is yea, I did message you at first because you caught my eyes. I mean, it's something that emanated from you in all those videos. Through the camera you were just.. I can't explain. I don't know many people who can just send that kind of vibe through a camera, but you did." he admitted, making me frown slightly. That was something he had never told me before and I was in shock. "The show was interesting, of course, but you were the reason why I messaged you. I wanted to act with you. But I watched that tv show because it was good."

My lips curled and then parted slightly. "You... you thought I was a good actress?" I asked, not expecting that and making him chuckle.

"You think it's surprising?"

"Well, yea." I shrugged, looking down at my hands. "I've never really done anything, i'm just a boring french girl who didn't learn acting in school or anything. I didn't think anyone would actually try to act with me, at least not someone like you."

"Someone like me?" he asked with a smirk. "What kind of person am I, exactly?"

"Fishing for compliments?" I asked with a small laugh.

"Or just curious, you know me."

I tilted my head but sent him a fond smile before licking my lips and clearing my throat. We got our meals just as I was about to answer and finally, I asked for an other glass of wine, taking a mental note to stop after that or I'd have a hard time to film my scenes.

"I mean, you can't deny that you're popular. And yea, you're pretty hot, but people actually like you for your talent. Your good look is just a bonus. You can't blame a nobody like me for being starstruck."

"Oh so you were starstruck when we met?" he asked with a chuckle.

"From the day I got your tweet, until that time we sang together after an 18 hours of filming." I admitted. "I was starstruck the whole time."

"That's the first night we had sex." he pointed out, making my smile grow as I nodded.

"It was."

"So you were not starstruck when you saw me naked? I'm offended."

This time, i let out a louder laugh, letting my head fall slightly on my shoulders before looking back in his eyes. I felt reassured that we would just get along, even if we weren't dating anymore, and I wouldn't let anyone else make things awkward between us.

"The truth?" I asked, raising my eyes as his eyes moved from his plate to my face. "I wouldn't say starstruck but... impressed, yea."

"I know right? That's what all the girls say." he joked, making me laugh and shake my head before rolling my eyes.

"I saw a few rumors about you and Jody." I pointed out. "I know you're not with her but, are you seeing anyone?"

It took him a while to answer and he finally pushed his plate away and grabbed his glass, taking a long sip of water before shaking his head a bit. He was avoiding my eyes but I knew him well enough to guess he was probably trying to formulate an answer correctly in his head before letting it out. He was a funny and sensitive guy, and he had tact, which I greatly appreciated.

"I'm only talking for me, but honestly, I can not get over a break up that easily, and I don't really want to date anyone right now." he looked up in my eyes and sighed. "This is no surprise if I tell you I'm not over you, right? I mean I was ready to marry you, Olivia. This is not something you just brush away and move on from in the spam of a few weeks."

I felt extremely guilty and when he stopped talking, I held my breath and pressed my lips together. There was no right answer to this and I decided to keep quiet, only letting out the air from my lungs when the waitress came with my glass of wine. I thanked her and after she left, I took a very long sip of it before putting it back on the table. I couldn't pretend I was totally over the break up with Dylan but at the same time, I had Niall, and with him, nothing else seemed to matter, or almost. I didn't want to blindly love him the way I used to before, but I couldn't pretend I was not happy in his arms.

"I'm sorry I asked." I said in a low tone, clearing my throat. "I mean, it wouldn't be any of my business anyway."

Quickly, Dylan brought the discussion back to the show and the scenes we were about to do together and we started laughing again. I had no idea how he did it, but he could always turn an awkward situation into a comfortable one. That was why it was always so easy to be around him.

We paid for our food and walked out of the restaurant as he checked his watch.

"We're supposed to be there in half an hour." he let out, looking around the parking. "You need a ride or you got your own car?"

I raised my nose up. "I planned on taking a cab. I hate driving back when we're done filming, i'm always so tired."

He raised his eyebrows and pointed his car with both hands, his keys hanging from one. I chuckled and rolled my eyes, moving my head a bit before deciding that it was just a car ride and we were going at the same place anyway. It reminded me that Dylan was always my ride home when we filmed the first season and that's one of the things that had brought us closer. We would always chat about what had happened on the set or laugh at each other for the mistakes we made that would be good bloopers. The first time we kissed was in his car, and I remembered like it was yesterday. It was the first time someone made me feel as strongly as that after Niall. Or even before. In fact, I could remember clearly why I wanted to marry Dylan.

He handed me his phone so I could choose the songs that would play while he was driving and when we got there, we walked inside together without really thinking about it. Not many people noticed but those who did sent me a weird look or a surprised smile but I just said hi and left, not wanting to discuss it at all. Sometimes, I forget that people in general love gossips, and that it's not just the paps I need to hide from.

Gladly, no one dared asking me questions and when I was ready to play the scene, I felt nervous all of a sudden. Dylan walked to me with a frown and bent down slightly, giving me a whiff of his deodorant. It made me smile and he whispered.

"Why so nervous?"

"We're supposed to kiss." I pointed out in a murmur, feeling slightly embarrassed by my own words and fear.

"Yea, we did that plenty of time." he replied back. "Relax, it's not even intimate, you know it, there's 25 persons with us on the set."

He was right and I breathed in and out to get some courage. I just thought it was different to kiss someone for a tv show when I was single versus when I was not. It made something jump in my chest when I remembered I was technically still single and for some reason, it didn't sit right with me. I suddenly wanted to be official with Niall. To fly back to Ireland right now and tell him I wanted to be his girlfriend. It was not a rational thought and I pushed it back, trying to focus on the scene I was about to be in. I was still not used to being an actress and I didn't know that much about all of it yet, but I knew that if I wanted to keep doing this job, I would probably have to kiss other people at some point. Perhaps, after a few years, it wouldn't be much of a deal anymore. Hopefully.

Everything went well and I tilted my head while biting my bottom lip as I looked at Dylan. It was incredible how 'in character' he could get and he sighed, raising his eyebrows up as he kept saying his text.

"You know you drive me crazy?"

I smiled proudly and shook my head. "My goal in life!"

I saw him take a few steps my way quickly and it couldn't have been more different than our first kiss was. This on-screen kiss was quick and hard and although it was totally different than the kisses we used to share in private, it still brought a bunch of memories of us in my brain. It was hard to think he was not thinking about the time we spent together too and when his hands reached the sides of my shirt near my waist, I shut my eyes tighter. He gripped my shirt in his fists and I kept my eyes closed when we stopped kissing before he brushed his nose against mine.

The first kiss I had had with Dylan was shy at the beginning and deep after a while. This one didn't come close to the real deal but I guess when feelings are involved, it's always stronger.

"That was the only way I could think about to shut you up." he whispered as I nodded slowly.

"Mm, I can't think of a better way."

He chuckled and I did too, my eyes fluttering open and I couldn't help but blink a few times when my gaze met his. I knew it was all acting but it felt weird to play that scene with him anyway. I sent him a smile and chuckled low and when I heard the 'cut!' I breathed out as all the stress evacuated from my body.

"You're fucking good at this, Olivia." Dylan just complimented me, making me smile a bit.

He patted my shoulder and I checked the time on my phone, grimacing when I realized Niall was probably not done with his show. I wanted to check the video he promised he would do while opening my envelop but I felt like it was too personal and decided I would wait until I was back home.

The rest of the scenes we were supposed to do went fast. Dylan was an incredibly good actor and a hard-working man. He rarely missed his lines or forgot his text and I always tried to be as good and professional as he was. It was crazy but he turned out to be a model for me but I had never taken the time to tell him.

He brought me back home and I was slightly sad when I realized I couldn't ask him to drop me at Niall's. It would make things so awkward and although I knew I could just take my car and drive there, It was way too late for that.

"Thanks so much for the ride, Dyl." I smiled and tilted my head. "I appreciate it."

"You're welcome, babe." I raised my nose up and he chuckled. "Okay, no cute names, I get it."

I waited a few seconds and licked my lips. "I never thanked you for teaching me so much about acting. So thank you. I look up to you a lot. I aspire to be as good as you are."

He sent me a smile but there was something in his eyes that I couldn't seem to decipher. Slowly, he nodded and I grabbed my purse, turning to him again.

"I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Sure, do you want me to pick you up?"

My lips parted and I took a few seconds to think. I really needed to talk to Niall about it, or else I would feel like I was lying to him, and I hated that.

"Oh, uhm, sure. Thanks, text me?"

He nodded and I got out of the car and I glanced at him a few times, knowing he would wait until I was safe and sound inside to actually leave. I waved at him and closed the door behind me, surprised that Louis was still awake and mostly, that he was alone.

"Hey my queen, how was the filming?" he asked without even looking at me.

"Nice." I admitted, taking my shoes off and walking up to the couch, letting myself fall next to him.

He moved his arm on the back of the couch, near my neck and I leaned my head against it.

"Tired?" he asked, finally turning to look at me as I nodded. "Go to bed, then. There's a gift waiting for you on your bed."

"A gift?" I asked, raising my eyebrows and sitting back up, suddenly interested. "From who?"

"Yours truly. I literally ordered it on ebay."

I frowned when I saw his smirk and felt my heart skip a beat. What stupid thing had he done again? I rushed to my room and opened the door but I stopped dead in my track and my jaw dropped. I walked slowly to my bed and chuckled before making a grimace. I grabbed the cushion and turned around only to see Louis, his hands in his pockets and leaning on the door frame as he sent me a bigger smirk.

"Are you fucking serious?" I chuckled, shaking the cushion with Niall's face on it. "He's like 18 on that damn picture!"

"More like 20. And hey, I picked one where you can actually take the cover off and wash it in the machine. If you want to... you know."

My eyes got bigger and I walked quickly to him as I hit him a few times with the cushion, making laugh even more as he tried to dodge my hits with his elbows and hands.

"What? You're gonna ride it, won't you?"

I started hitting him harder with it and he laughed more as he started running away. I followed him to the living room and raised my nose up again when I saw his smirk.

"You know what, Louis? I will. I'll ride that cushion naked, my damn cunt right on his face, and you'll know I'll do it because I'll fucking scream his name!"

His smile faltered and It made mine grow. "Yea about that, darling, you can wait 'til I'm out to do that yeah?"

"Yea, I don't think so." 

He groaned and I laughed. "Good night, Louis!"

I didn't wait for his answer and walked back to my room, closing and locking the door behind myself. I took a very quick shower and when I finally got under the covers, I quickly checked the instagram I made for us. My heart jumped in my chest and my lips curled when I saw the first video posted. I licked my lips and finally clicked on it as Niall started talking. He looked amazing and just seeing him made me tear up.

"Hey my love." he started with a smile. He was totally ready to go on stage and it made me smile. He had his guitar and his ear monitors and I could see he was close to the stage. He had put his phone on something and was smiling so big that it made my smile grow too. "I fucking miss you. The flight was horrible, you know."

The truth was, he should have left probably a day earlier but we didn't really want to be separated. Now, however, he was jet lagged and tired and I felt a bit guilty about that.

"Okay so, I'm in Ireland and I wish you were here with me. Let's see what your note says." He quickly ripped off the side and I groaned. I didn't know why but watching someone open something in a way I didn't feel was the right one always bothered me. He took the paper out and I saw his face change and his lips part in surprise.

"Jesus Christ this smells like you!" he let out a bit louder. "How did you do that, petal?"

I chuckled alone in the darkness of my room and squirmed a bit as he read the words quickly, his facial expression changing as his eyes moved on the paper. He looked up and shook his head.

"I thought about you the whole flight, Liv." he admitted. "You're in all my thoughts too, lovely. I'm about to go sing a bunch of songs about you and damn, it's not gonna be easy. You call me as soon as you come back home okay? You step foot in the damn house and you pick your phone. I need to hear your voice. I love you."

The video stopped and I raised my eyebrows, quickly hitting on his name to facetime him. It took him half a second to answer and I chuckled. Seeing his face made me want to literally cry.

"Pet, fucking finally!" he let out, making me chuckle. "Hey, your hair's wet, you're in bed... you didn't call me as soon as you got home like I asked! Wait, is that your bed?"

I breathed in and sighed. "Yea I'm sorry I just watched your video. And I'm home because Dylan gave me a ride, so I couldn't really ask him to bring me back to your place."

Niall groaned and I sent him a sad smile, tilting my head.

"I wish he knew that you're with me now." he shook his head. "I know we're not... together but, you know..."

"I know, Nee. I know."

We stared at each other for a while, just happy to talk to each other live and after a while, I pressed my lips together and started the conversation again.

"So how was your show?"

"Great. Fucking amazing, in fact." he admitted, playing with his hair and making my heart twist in my chest. I wish I could slide my fingers in his hair, too. "I'll be in Dublin tomorrow."

My face changed and I sat up. "Are you gonna go through Mullingar?"

"Probably."

I held my breath and my lips parted slightly.

"If you see someone I know-"

"Yea, I'll call you."

My eyes fluttered and I finally found my smile back, leaning against the wall behind me. I could spend hours just sitting in bed, facetiming with him but keeping silence. Just knowing he was there was enough for me.

"Is there a secret written in every envelop you wrote or was it just for the first one?" he asked, a smirk forming on his lips.

I felt my cheeks burn slightly and nibbled on my bottom lip, making him laugh.

"It was not a secret just... something I never told you."

"Well if you want to tell me of all the times you masturbated thinking about me, please I'd love it." he explained, making me hide my face with my free hand. "Make a list and send it to me. I'll do that same."

"God you're impossible!" I laughed, rolling my eyes. "You tell a guy you rode his pillow one time in the morning when he was out for a run and suddenly you're naughty!"

"You are naughty, Liv." he laughed too. "Are you gonna show me?"

"Mm, Maybe."

We stared at each other for a few minutes and it made me realize how much lighter I felt whenever Niall was around. I knew he was not physically there at that moment but I still felt better, calmer and happier. It made me realize that I was in a perpetual state of stress since he had left and I felt even lighter now than after that kissing scene with Dylan. No one could make me feel good the way Niall did.

"It's morning there?" I asked as he nodded.

"It's 10 in the morning. Which means it's about 2am where you are? Go to bed, petal, you need a rest."

"Aren't you glad that I waited to call you? I probably would have woken you up!"

"You did." he pointed out with a soft smile. "That was the plan. I wanted to wake up seeing your face, sort of like you were here with me. Fuck, I wish you were here with me."

I felt myself tear up and tried to swallow my tears but it was too hard. I blinked a few times and a few tears slid down my cheeks. I didn't even try to stop them, I just kept staring at Niall until he frowned and shook his head.

"Pet, please, don't." he sat and his phone moved as I tried to stop a sob from escaping my lips and when he appeared on the screen again, he was rubbing his eyes with his thumb and forefinger and I held my breath when I realized he was crying too. "We'll be together soon enough, okay?"

He breathed in and I heard him sob slightly, making me bring my hand to my mouth as I nodded. "Mmhm yes." I whispered, trying to swallow my tears and pain.

It had only been a day and it was already tough. I had no idea how we'd go through weeks without each other but it scared the shit out of me. I brought my hand to my phone and let my fingertip run on his cheek, over the screen. It was ridiculous but I was desperate for his touch. I just wanted to be in his arms, just a few seconds, I would have done anything.

He chuckled sadly but his eyes were still red and I knew I probably looked the same. "I put your note under my pillow and now it smells like you." he admitted. "You're not physically with me, Olivia, but you're in my head and my heart okay?"

I nodded quickly. "You're in mine, too."

"We've always been connected, you and me." he added, licking his lips. "Nothing is ever going to change that, and certainly not distance. I fucking love you, petal."

"I love you too." I whispered before repeating it louder. "I fucking love you too, Niall."

[theday]

mx in sg: the experience

FHJGDGHSHGFGGHD as usual starting off with the keyboard smash anyway! ill be talking about my experience seeing mx live yesterday (3/3) second part is abt when mx were on stage but its quite dry bc i dont remember much

ill be going in chronological order so [jooheon voice] lets get it

i was gonna meet my friend (karissa) at 3:30 because we were going to meet the person selling us our tickets at 4pm but that got delayed until like 5pm which was fine though

anyway i met her and we started queueing because although official queuing was supposed to start at 6pm they pushed it forward to 3pm (which was unfortunate for those who were busy and couldnt come until much later - the organizer never released an official statement saying the queuing started earlier) 

so as soon as karissa and i arrived at like. the place (near the venue) we got lost for about a whole 5 minutes lmao so i texted james asking him where the hell . they were and we made it and joined the queue immediately (we were the last few people of the second batch) 

we just sat there and. collected freebies and our banners (for the fan events) while we waited for the seller to come give us our tickets 

when they came i was like . fucking screaming because one of the seller was someone i knew from primary school (4 years ago) and i was likeudghdgghdhsh??????? that was the highlight of the daydhfhs

after we bought the tickets and shit we were slightly concerned they wouldnt work lmao but they did god bless

while we waited for the doors to open and stuff a group of people did dance covers of mx songs and later other groups too everyone was cheering for them which was nice fgfghdgh

the hype died down and we just waited quietly until it hit 6pm and i started listening to the day6 stream LMAO but after 4 songs i had to stop because suddenly everyone was standing up?? 

for nothing though because we sat down like 30 minutes later at around 7? 7:30? everyone stood up again and this time people were given wrist tag things u kno.. ya there were three (?) kinds i think gold for those who held a superfan ticket, pink for general admission and some other colour for those who got tickets for free and could sit on chairs dhdghs 

it was a free standing event in an outdoor space so superfan ticket holders got to stand closer to the stage? and those with general admission had to stand behind us and it was separated by a barricade 

we entered at like 8pm because we were the second batch (there was a third batch behind us) and it was already filled?? not exactly but from where we were standing we couldn’t really see the stage 

in the end we were in the middle which wasnt exactly the best but its definitely better than those standing all the way at the back rip 

i think at like 7:45 they started playing the music videos and everyone was shouting the lyrics it was cute i loved it but my throat told me to die after i yelled for like all of their mvsjhdgdghd 

also when all in played u bet my ass i jumped up and downdhg

also water wasnt allowed inside which i think is normal so i chugged mine down as fast as i could before entering (i had a little left and the lady let me in with it thanks queen) (i drank it all before they even came on stage)

the hype was real though and it was great 

when it hit 8:30pm the introduction video started and suddenly i was getting pushed forward and wow . dont go if ur not a fan of people invading your personal bubble. i wish fans had more sense to Not push around and stuff but what can we do rip 

other than that when they came out oh gOD when they came out i was likebfhgddgs??!?!??!?! i had to stand on my tip toes to see them

they started with beautiful and i was liek. dissociating i jsut sang along and shit it was amazing?????? 

the first person i saw was kihyun and then minhyuk?? i dont remember who else i saw but iw ss losing my fucking mind over how good everyone looked

anyway after that was um.............. fuck. .... i dont know..........

IFMFHGHSGF IM CRYING MY BRAIN TOLD ME TO DIE

white love maybe? i think they did like an introduction of themselves ??

anyway ill figure the songs out later they started playing games i think or was that another time im bad at this clearly 

ask james for the details of the songs i dont remember shit from that i just remember singing along to the songs badly and moving my arm back and forthhfgsgh 

also team work makes the dream work because karissa was recording and i helped her to zoom in and ensure they looked human with the brightness and stuff fhjdgsgh 

but !! everyone did the fanchants really well it was so heartworming 

also during white love they made us do that one part u know the one and it was awesome!!!!! during white sugar they threw m&m’s and i got to get a good look at their faces without having to look at the screen!! 

honestly was good too god im so happie 

hm. they did a mon-story time and showed us pics from previous eras (trespass > i dnt remmeber fuck > beautiful world tour > mxray > first win) ?? might be wrong dghdgs and they talked about stuff that happened i blanked out though so i dont know what they said 

also when they flashed the first win part they started throwing hands @ each other usual mx shit dhjgsgd

we chanted monsta x and they chanted monbebe back at us :-( i love them

i think changkyun said he doesnt wnat to do another season of mxray LMAODHFGHHGS fucking loser 

the translator made me laugh he was super monotone fhgdghfsh

then they played mon-ccaso dghghfsh and drew what they wanted to eat with singaporean mbb!!

there was a bug in front of wonho and he got !!!! fhdgh cute .

shownu: ????? what was it ?? a drink it looked like a cocktail and kihyun was like “non alcoholic” dghffsgs

wonho: ice cream!!! hes so cute his drawing was so cute also he wrote monbebe before they announced the game his handwriting is so pretty tf

minhyuk: ramyeon lmao (in his words: traditional korean noodles) 

kihyun: uh oH HE DREW A CRABFGHGSHS and said chili and pepper crab!!!

hyungwon: he drew a shrimpfhggdgs fucking . it was so cute

jooheon: mandu!! or dumplings :D

changkyun: water. JHDHGDGSG KING HONESTLY IW AS LIKE JUMPING UP AND DOWN IN EXCITEMENT!! love me a water stan 

anyway they talked about what they drew and when it came to minhyuk’s turn he was like guess and everyone just shit on him DHJDHSHG 

some examples: “hair” Gghdhg and some fans (including me) screamed cucumberhjfghgs let this man live 

minhyuk also tried to make fun of jooheons drawing but it failed bc none of us understood his joke

so they made us vote by screaming and they each stood up while holding their sketchbooks and we’d scream

winner was changkyun (i yelled my heart out and jumped bitch)

FHGSGG W INNER HAD TO DO AEGYO THOUGHDG played urself

they did oppaya and i think there are fancams somewhere

then they made wonho do it hhdggs best 1 minute of my life

after that was uhh??????? brain machine broke i dont know im not even going in order anymore

they either did from zero first or the fan videos were shown first

if so the fan videos were of fans talking about how much they love/appreciate mx and it was sweet after that we raised our banners for the fan vid

and then the CAKE came for wonho and we sang happy birthday to wonho (kihyun asked us to sing once too at the start hjdghgsg we did that in english this time it was in korean) 

also funny hfgdhgs thing... they talked in korean and a lot of people replied in korean so they got shockedhfgh FUCJ DAY6 ok safe im listening now

i think they (minhyuk?) asked who thought/if he was handsome and got rly happie when we said yea

after him someone asked too LOLJHDGSG

back 2 whatever fdsh um oh yeah the cake was done to look like ramyeon in a pot :D ill add a link

wonho cut himself with the knife D-: babie 

he kept wanting to eat it though so hopefully he liked it 

maybe after that they did from zero???? ufhffghsgghdg idk

after that was hero!!!!!!! god we were all so pumped 

shine forever next 

and then they stopped to take a break i thinkfhgshgd 

at some point they asked fans (a jooheon stan and a wonho one) what songs they liked :-D the jooheon one said beautiful and the other said ill be there if im not wrong

they also made the rappers sing bits from some songs hfgsg i dont remember which songs tho hdhs

changkyun tried his besthjdg

they did their ending ment and went to dramarama!! 

after that it was silent for like 5 minutes max as we chanted mx and for encore

they came out and did ill be there (?) (first verse to chorus) and talked again before doing 5:14! 

they were dressed in casual tshirts which was a relief hjghgdh because it was reallly fuckng hot hdh changkyun mentioned the weather too sorry dude thats life

they waved at fans and played amongst themselves kihyun dumped water on jooheon LMAO i got a clear view of that

stay hydrated !

they just kept dumping water on each other i love a family :-D

and then they said bye and left

jooheon kept going byEE though dhgdhs hes so cute :-( 

ok heres what i thought abt the monstas themselves

kihyun looked especially good with that tie by the way 

jesus i got to see wonho with dark hair i truly. died

ALSO SHOWNU LOOKS SO HANDSOME IRL!!!! MY WIG WAS SNATCHED!!!!!!!!!!!

hyungwon was rly cute too when he interacted with the fans :-(

there was one time wonho smiled and it was caught on the screen i . felt my heart burst in that moment

alsowwhen minhyuk took center position for their choreos he has this ?? charisma ??? its amazong like the one smirk/grin he does u know that? yeah i saw it in beautoful and died

joohoen and changkyun also did their best hyping mbbs up by yelling to sing along and stuff ihdjgf i love them

this is just mx loving hours 

also kihyun did the DHDHHSH EYE SMILE!!! HE DID IT SO MANY TIMES HE WAS SO HAPPIE I LOVE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!

i didnt get to see jooheon much but he was so playful with minhyuk it was so cute!!!!!!! 

they all look so good and sound even better live!!! kihyuns adlibs god help me. 

i love them so much. i really do fhhdghghs im happy i went no more regrets and no more telling myself i didnt have a blast because i!!!! i loved every second of it even when i got someones hair stuck to my arm LMAO 

after it ended we immediately left for the exit andggdghs WOW standing up i was fine but moving?? moving was HELL my legs hurt so bad

ok so we got home and thats that but like.... heres where my self reflection comes in

so you dont have to read this part

i think. the reason i dont remember much is because.. i dont want to? like. at some point i got a clear view of wonho in the Flesh and i was thinkng about how i was really seeing them? for real????? and i got. really sad i think?? 

so to prevent myself from getting sad i probably tried to forget? everything?? theres also my bad memory of course but i cant even remember their faces i feel like its because im trying to forget or some deep shit 

anyway i think im also makig myself not be happy??? this is phrased v bad but its like im trying to kill the fun and only think abt the negatives of the whole event

which wasnt even much so its like. my minds blankfhjfhd

talking about it here helps though like i get to. share and actually talk about what happened so yeah i can say that i had fun even though i couldnt see them i had a blast singing along it was awesome

the only bad part was how i didnt like watching from the screens because it felt like i wasnt seeing them live?? ooMGHDDS DAY6 ARE DOING BETTTER BTTER

tldr; im not that upset over it now thank god and i can proudly say i had fun and although i cant remember much it was a great experience

thank you for coming to my tedtalk if you did <3

[allisonm22]

95 Thoughts I Had During the PLL Finale

 If its not already obvious, spoilers below.

1) What the hell is this scene? 2) I think this is a dream, why is there no one else around 3) Jennas on a horse, dream theory confirmed 4) Off to a weird start already 5) Hannah is too nice, Mona tried to kill you honey, let that friendship die 6) Caleb won’t say hi? Thats super fucking shady baby please don’t be A.D. 7) oh fuck is that Melissa?  8) JK its mona..wait why is she even wearing a mask?  9) If I were Aria, I’d be pissed as hell that Hannah brought Mona along, like kick her ass out? 10) Oh god Aria,stop crying, why cant you marry bae? Actually I dont even care. 11) Spencer that was a BOLD move...oh fuck that its for scrabble?! 12) How is Mona trying to act like she doesnt know who A is, didnt she see him/ her at Radley? Or are we supposed to just forget about that? 13) oooh no poor Aria sorry boo 14) Oh hey its mary drake 15) the spencer/ mary drake relationship annoys me to be honest 16) how did the cop not see them holding hands? 17) Ezra is fucking goals..except that time he was kind of A and writing a book about them behind their back. 18) Aria’s dad will forever creep me the fuck out  19) Alison and Em’s mom are being so obvious 20) Alison is deff gunna propose 21) Random thought I’ve had since 2010- Spencer’s mom (before that mary drake shit) looks like Olivia Benson 22) Why do they keep talking about Addison? Why are we supposed to care about her? Marlene don’t make her part of this I WILL FLIP. 23) The moms mentioned the basement! Are they going to tell us how they got out?!?! 24) Nope they are not 25) I’ve been hearing about their relationships since 2010, wrap it up and start talking about A.D.! 26) whyyyyy do they dress Alison so horribly? Like even her pajamas are horrendous 27) called that proposal 28) That ring is so pretty!!! 29)”How much damage can she do in one night” FORESHADOWING!!!!!!!!!! 30) any scene with a naked toby is a gift, I'm about it 31) Toby’s hair looks so soft 32) Who the fuck is playing the piano 33) ohhhh fuck its Mona, im not shocked though 34) Im getting vibes that someone is going to die 35) whaaaaaaat the fuckkkkkk is this place 36) whats happening 37) oh fuck how’d mary get out? I never know how to feel about her 38) DO NOT TELL ME SPENCER HAS A BRITISH TWIN 39) DO NOT TELL ME THAT 40) her british accent is horrendous 41) WREN! 42) Are they trying to pull a parent trap on PLL 43) omg all those times it wasnt spencer! 44) Hannah wasnt sleeping! YO TOBY FUCKED FAKE SPENCER TWICE!  45) I knew i got weird vibes from that airport scene! 46) but why would she do all this if she didnt even know Charlotte? 47) “Till death do us part”...SIG-NIF-I-CANT (sung like Jean-Ralphio from Parks and Rec) 48) Isn’t Wren a fucking psychologist?! there were soooooo many red flags buddy and you missed them ALL 49) oh fuck she killed him and put him in a necklace...casual 50) Remember when Marlene King lied and said they werent going to copy the books? 51) Well actually I take it back she didnt technically lie, she gave us not one but three sets of twins 52) going off track for a second, twins skip a generation so super unlikely that mary drake would have twins 53) also like why couldnt they mention Ali was having twins? im not understanding the twin obsession 54) Back on track...OH FUCK THEYRE WREN’S BABIES 55) Why cant mary help her? thats your daughter bitch! 56) yo Mary literaly sold Alex, I know she didnt have a choice really but thats fucked upppppp. 57) A.D.-Alex Drake....I literally just got that 58) Spencer I wouldve knocked mary out and RAN 59) why does she have bae/Ezra? like what is the point? 60) Rollins looks like Keanu Reeves 61) seriously why is Cece dressed like a fucking pimp 62) wait they just explained like five years worth of plot in five seconds and I can barely understand it because of THAT SHIT ACCENT! 63) honestly them explaining how  jenna/sara/sydney are involed so quickly shows how bad this ending really is 64) Toby is gunna figure it out with the horse doesnt like her!!! 65) Horses always know wtf is up 66) Jennas gunna sniff her out 67) Evil twin is such a big leap to make based off a person smelling weird 68) I feel like that whole squad accepted the evil twin theory too quickly like if someone came up to me and was like hey our best friend smells different I think shes being held hostage and the one walking around is actually her evil twin, I would be like ..............what 69) Mona’s a double agent! I think? another one im never sure about 70) Yay theyre out run babies run! 71) why the fuck would you split up have you people learned nothing 72) whaaaaaat, thats not real theyre not actually outside right? 73) I feel like I’m watching Lost honestly 74) Alex walking around with that axe though is my forever mood honestly 75) DONT YOU FUCKING DARE KILL EZRA 76) WAIT WHOSE WHO 77) OHHHH FUCK DONT SHOOT THE WRONG ONE! 78) He shouldve shot Alex fuck that she helped mary escape jail she could easily escape 79) Arias second wedding dress- SO much better 80) oh fuck you marlene king with your cameo shush yourself right off my screen 81) Mona sells dolls in france.....cool cool cool (not cool) 82) deff the creepiest thing ive ever seen in my life 83) oh wait just kidding now its the creepiest thing ive ever seen 84) so Mona’s just full blown psychotic, weve known that since season two thanks for the well written plot twist 85) Dont tell me Addisons about to go missing for a spin off 86) lol addison went missing for a spin off 87) nope sorry im out, i cant invest any more time into another marlene king shit show 88) lemme save you time babies, you better hope addison is dead, cause if not, youre in for a fucking roller coaster of a life 89) in conclusion, im SUPER PISSED jason didnt come back because i looooooved me some jason eye candy 90) I hate that this whole plot was orchestrated by an new character whose only motivation was that she was friends with cece. 91) why did everyone love cece?! she was so fucking shitty like the fuck? 92) I wanted it to be this intricate theory that theyve been planning for years, I really wanted it to be someone weve seen for the past seven years, someone in the background we wouldnt have even thought twice about, that wouldve had alot more shock value 93) also giving it to a new character takes away the opportunity to link A.D. back the original plot for the first five years. I hate how it was essentially two different stories, it makes me feel like the first five years were a waste. 94) Im just dissapointed because i REALLY wanted them to redeem themselves after the Cece/Charlie shit show and they had so many opportunities to make it great and they continued to drop the ball. I  like the characters and their personal storylines though, thats the thing ill miss, not the fake reveals and actual reveals that make no sense. Im all about their character growth and personally loved watching them grow on and off screen. Its just a shame the storyline couldnt do them justice. 95) Lets not let Marlene King write anymore shows, K? K.

[pr1nc3-ed]

More tag games yay, thanks for tag @aileenaison <3 damn this will be a long one :P sooooooo here we go:

1. Favorite anime? Okay (little edit: i forgot to update this one LMAO) fullmetal alchemist, both versions, Fate/Zero and... aaaaaah i like many stuff tbh ;-; 2. Your worst anime? 11eyes. I CANT BELIEVE HOW I WAS ABLE TO EVEN FINISH THIS PIECE OF CRAP. Honorable mention to Mars of Destruction, but at least this one was the “so bad its good” trope and funny af to watch. 3. Do you read the manga that goes along with the anime you watch? Sometimes I would do that like when Reborn was airing, same for FMA Brotherhood. But its been a looong time though... 4. Most favorite genre? Comedy, action,adventure... and (it will go kinda offtopic but its related to a genre) nowadays I feel like i'm really getting attached to mecha shows. I liked Evangelion (not a favorite, but still really good) in my teenage years along with Code Geass (didnt see season 2 yet tho, fuck me), I used to enjoy Aldnoah.Zero 1st season a lot (until it went to shit, this show traumatized me) and since last year I started checking out Gundam animes, I was able to finish a few ones, even the 1st one despite being so old... so uhh yeah I joined the Sunrise/Bandai mecha empire, it wont be long until i buy a gunpla lmao. 5. Least favorite genres? Idk... kinda hard to pick one. Maybe some slice of life stuff with a lot of moe? Tried watching things like K-ON and... i couldnt resist lmao. 6. Favorite character/s? Kaneki, Touka and Eto (Tokyo Ghoul), Yato (Noragami), Kotomine Kirei, Archer and Gilgamesh (Fate series), Setsuna (Gundam 00), Char Aznable (Gundam/Gundam Zeta), Koyomi Araragi and Suruga Kanbaru (Monogatari series), Chrollo Lucifer and Killua (Hunter x Hunter), Death the Kid (Soul Eater), Roy Mustang (Fullmetal Alchemist), Joseph Joestar (JoJo's Bizarre Adventure), Aigis and Elizabeth (Persona 3), Golbez, Kain and Rydia (Final Fantasy IV), Squall Leonhart (Final Fantasy VIII), Zidane (Final Fantasy IX), Ike (Fire Emblem), Dante (Devil May Cry), Laharl (Disgaea),  D.va, Tracer, Mercy and Mei (Overwatch), Darth Sidious, Han Solo and Obi Wan Kenobi (Star Wars), Demon Hunter (Diablo 3; okay its only a class in game but I love the female DH okay?), Link and Sheik (Legend of Zelda; ok Sheik is Zelda, so I guess both? haha)... OKAY THATS ENOUGH FOR TODAY, see, this is why I say those top 10 characters arent enough LMAO 7. Least favorite character/s? Kirino from Ore no Imouto, Kirito from Sword Art Online, Miyuki Shiba from Mahouka, Yuka from 11eyes, many characters from Bleach, Envy from Fullmetal Alchemist (people who watched any version can already imagine why I hate him), Seryuu from Akame ga Kill (only because she is a legitimate hypocrite and piece of shit in the story) aaaand the list goes on. 8. Qualities you like in a character? Well, idk what to list, but feeling kinda unique and having personalities that stand out in the show? Someone who can singlehandedly carry an anime (like Yato would do in Noragami for me) by him/herself, etc 9. Short or long anime? Short animes. Idk how im going to watch a long anime anymore... maybe the 50/60 episodes ones, but going for the 100/200 list is harder to me nowadays :( 10. Anime or manga? Anime. But mangas tend to be better when it comes to plot since some adaptations are just a trainwreck (hi tokyo ghoul)... 11. How do you choose the anime you watch? Recommendations, suggestions, checking out synopsis and genre, seeing if its similar to something i enjoy... usually these are the ways i choose something. OR also if I really feel like watching something and taking a break from some anime genre. 12. Skip or listen to intros/outros? I skip after watching in the first episodes... but whenever i watch any last episode, i tend to not do that. 13. How do you cope if your friends or family don’t like you watching anime? I don't mind... unless someone starts acting like a fucking retard and being ignorant about it, not even respecting my opinion etc. 14. Do you stop an anime midway if you don’t like it? I tend to forget or get lazy even if I like some animes... so when it comes to stuff i dont like and i think they are bad: i drop them. UNLESS some kind of miracle forces me to continue it until the end... or the "so bad its good" vibe helps too.

tagging @s-e-l-f-i-s-h-n-e-s-s @kurome-in-wonderland @nora-amiticia @mut4ti0ns @xsinonx @yetanotherfluffyotaku @kanashiri @softchubs @yorozuya-ken-chan @teyilai @myluchanblog @meanimes @valkyrievillain @kamekku @taeyanng optional to do that and sorry if i bothered anyone by tagging ;;