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learning abt friendship decay and "not reaching out to your friends for months at a time unprompted is not neurotypical behaviour" has me feeling a certain way
#experiencing some BIG FEELINGS OVER THIS REVELATION#listen i have never ever been bothered abt not seeing someone in a while or making time to talk to them bc in my mind its like not thst muc#time has passed. i mean it with every fibre of my being that when im like 'oh its ok even though we havent talked in a while and have our#own things going on it doesnt mean we're not friends anymore since we left things on a good note 8 months ago' i sincerely believe that#and for the longest time i just thought everybody makes peace with it at some point and not automatically assuming the other person doesnt#wanna talk to me anymore or smth. my longest lasting friendships are with ppl who work the same way i just thouhght that was normal#whatever organ everybody has that makes them reach out to their friends and plan hang outs i probably dont have it#i was already hesitant to ask out Alex bc i spend almost every waking hour doing smth that isnt talking to ppl unless they happen to be in#the vicinity. and at first it was bc i planned on making sure i had everything set up so i dont get stressed out and do it one at a time#but then i find out theres a friendship decay mechanic? and after dating and marrying someone you lose -10 friendship points for every#day u dont talk to them?? actually ive probably been losing friendship points this whole time without knowing bc of this?????#and i notice a lot of my own habits are also reflected in how i play bc ive been avoiding getting close to pierre and marnie since its more#of a professional relationship. like i know theyre npcs but im approaching it the way i would in real life its fucking nuts#i think its a little relieving im playing /as/ a character than myself bc as im playing im just making up little interactions in my head#than approaching things the way i would myself so it takes a bit of the stress off trying to put myself in there as a spectator. but well#being in a relationship demands a certain amount of energy even more so when theyre things that already take up energy on its own#like making time to talk to your partner and make sure they know theyre loved. i dont always have energy to put all my mental focus into it#and this is true for real life so im not really bothered by not dating anyone. but when its a game and i want my character to be with someo#and i know its fully optional and i know i could just apply the same logic to this i dont /want/ to. sometimes i want to experience#the same things other people do at least to a certain degree without the same emotional andmental stakes#no offense krobus#yapping#stardew#stardew valley#puppy plays sdv#sdv#this game has me by the ankles man
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girl help the bad decisions have consequences
#okay tbf its not half as bad as i thought itd be#been feeling like im kiiinda close to collapsing during pe and sometimes i said weird shit with less awareness than normal#but thats okay soooo#i mean. my friend stayed over and then spontaneously slept here#so we decided to watch some more gravity falls#and play point and click horror games or watch youtube videos of scarier horror games (neither of us handles horror well)#and listened to some magnus archives#accompanied by monster energy because fuck yeah#i had like a third over and drank that before breakfast after waking up i think i could see colours and smell balance for a second#got three hours of sleep. was more awake than ever at school even on the rare occasion of a full 8 hours#also it was so worth it#and i mean when else are we supposed to make horrible decisions??#a biscuit's rambles
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Writing something on my to-do list that I just finished so I can scratch it off and get the Final Fantasy Victory Fanfare to play in my head
#need to figure out my end-of-battle triumphant pose just for such an occasion#can you tell i cut my teeth on ff7 when i was 7#fun fact my wife and i played through a ff7 file where she did the story stuff while i watched and then i did all the grinding#and we commentated back and forth and sometimes if she was having trouble with a boss she'd pass the controller over#all of this to say that the moment it was possible to actually breed chocobos she handed me the controller and left to do errands#and she came back like an hour or two later and i was just :D and gesturing at our brand new gold chocobo#i had such a lovely time#we also played 9 together that way but where i did all the driving and she mostly was in the passenger seat#i wanna get back to that and maybe finally beat 8 for the first time in my life#anyway no one asked for that i just felt inspired to share :)#my ramblings
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me: how come this fight with lorroakan [lvl 8 wizard] was so easy?
also me: *came into the fight with an entire lvl 12 party*
me: oh right
#this is what i get for putting off this fight for the first 20-ish hours of act 3#but also i have a mod this time that lets us go beyond lvl 12 (so long as we multiclass) and i'm very excited about it#because i have a ton of things left to as we're already over level 12#we will at LEAST hit 13 which will finally let me have the rogue 8/cleric 5 leveling i wanted#also tbh i thought lorroakan's myrmidons had higher hp like they only had 120ish#i put off this fight for so long and for what#rosie plays games kind of okay#ah shit here we go again
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ough why did my iv drip hurt so much 😭 i had preseptal cellulitis as a kid and they gave me iv antibiotics so it'd be a quicker recovery and the cannula was in my hand and apparently its not supposed to hurt but every 4? 6? hours when they switched the drip on i just remember it hurting so much i cried. makes me squeamish even now
#chaos.txt#that hospital trip was so crazy i remember it in such vivid detail and i was like. 8#my eye hurt thursday evening my dad said there was no point going to a&e we'd rather wait till morning#in the morning it was all puffed up and crunchy and we went to the hospital :-) and my dad took me to eye casualty#and we sat for a few hours i remember the waiting room and everything. eventually got seen sent up to this empty ward#literally 10 beds and just me. my mum bought grapes. they put in the cannula#they tried to distract me but i rly didn't want it lol so i was squirming so i always think maybe i just made them do it wrong?#my mum had to leave the room because she's squeamish 😭 hurt like hell#then i fainted a while after. definitely related my body doesn't like needles#got moved to this other ward much busier and then honestly i don't remember#i know that i went to the kids play area on saturday and got disappointed because they only did workshops on weekdays#and my mum met a woman whose older kid had been there for a while and i was jealous of his walking IV#and in the night this girl was brought in next to me with a bunch of red angry spots#and my hand burned when they switched the IV on so my dad held my hand :-)#and there was a boy with a broken leg the next ward over and i was so fascinated by the sling#and when they took the cannula out it didn't hurt at All but i was like oh there's blood there ! so i started cleaning it up#and the nurse said oh you'd make a great nurse one day :) and i think one of my parents said or a doctor!#and . well. here we are. god 10 years later. what a wild ride
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Also also. I don't go here and I may be striking the hornet's nest but the actual audacity of the creators of Final Fantasy XVI not to include people of color by using ye olde "this game takes place in fantasy europe and black people hadn't been invented yet" stupid argument while also centering it's major world building around slavery is soooooooo icky 🤢
#it smacks of 'we don't acknowledge the existence of this traumatized people but we still want to profit off of their pain'#like it's so gross#i didn't play it but I was interested in it so I watched one of those 8-hour supercuts of the cutscenes so I know the basic plot#and before any international peeps come at me for being another american who assumes they're the center of the universe#yes I know people of all races have been enslaved throughout history all over the world#but idk from the way the developers talked about it just seems like a convenient excuse to erase people of color#and not like they were trying to tell some specific story that required their exclusion#anyway Ben Starr deserves the nomination for his performance of Clive and that is the only acknowledgement this game deserves#marie speaks
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&Also i hope you all know that when i sucessfully get my friend to play skylanderrs there will be a highly in depth ninjago skylanders au somehow in some way i DOnt know how this will happen But It Will. IT WILL!!!!!
#one time we were rping and we established that morro gave lloyd his old skylanders#and now lloyd is obsessed with it#so when kai came over to hang out they played skylanders for like 8 hours#ninjago
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whats tough about like. Having Chemistry and spending time with someone at the start of the spring semester is that valentines day is coming up and its like a make or break point with what you may or may not Be and you have to question what direction things are headed in and its a pressure just Not present in the fall semester idk. idk
#we uhhhh. kinda hit a bump in the road ...... idk.#hes. been very gentle and kind and understanding about where im coming from and so we havent talked in a couple days but just ....#god ok fuck it. we were hanging out saturday night and at some point we were going somewhere where parking sucked so i just suggested we go#in his car rather than separate bc finding parking for ONE car is a Struggle. anyways so afterwards we went back to where i parked my car#and i hahahhaaaaa was NOT leaving. it was just past midnight and so we were just hanging in his car talking for abt an hour#in there at some point i told him about that last crush and how it dragged on and he was like jesus CHRIST sia thats a lot#i was reclined in my seat and shutting my eyes listening to the music and i caught him looking at me a couple times andddddd uh#yeah basically i ended up in his lap and then we were kissing and touching and grinding for like the next hour and a half#and he asked if i wanted to go back to my place and i was like uhhhhhhhhhhhh not now so we stayed in there and just made out & talked more#and then he TOLD me. basically hes in a similar situation i was in this time last year. like a girl he liked and was talking to actually#has a bf. hes sorta in limbo and she still talks to bim and is stringing him along and playing off his hopes theyll get together for.#entertainment ig. everyone at this school is fantastic btw. jesus fucking christ.#so yeah he told me bc he said he didnt wanna hurt me or end up fucking me over and that i deserved full honesty and didnt want to get my#hopes up. which i REALLY appreciate. we talked for 8 days he got carried away once and immediately owned up. i do appreciate that#so like. he said that we can just be friends with or without benefits and i said id think about it. then at like 3 am we went home and he#check in with me to make sure i was alright since he could tell i had a LOT on my mind. i said id call him the next day and so we talked#and basically i explained the reason for my apprehensions and why i said no to hooking up (csa) and he was really understanding#and then like. i just asked him more about what was going through his head the night before & he described it as a heat of the moment thing#(which i agree it was) and like. he was genuinely concerned about me tho. idk#i told him that after i got home i had to shower for an hour scrubbyat every place he touched me and that im tired of feeling used#and he really heard me out and listened. he also asked if he hurt me and i said no but it def could have gotten to that point and i#and so he said 'im sorry for making your life at all hafrder to deal with' and i REALLY really#appreciate him being as honest as he was. so i said its cool we can be friends but i just need some space rn & he once again was really#understanding & said 'for as long as you need. just let me know whenever youre ready to just be friends again & if you need me to stay sway#from [xyz places we hung out] just let me know and if you need anything for class just feel free to reach out'#and. GOD i appreciate him. so that convo closed out on good terms. i was worried id need WEEKS but it rlly was just a few hours after that#i was ok again. traumas all about narratives and before that convo all i could see was another instance i was usee but like.#after actually talking it out all the fear around it dissipated and i can just see it for what it was: 2 friends who got carried away#but i really REALLY appreciate how hes handled this and we're both single & attracted to each other and so the question im thinking now is:#crushposting
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the apartment is finally clean after 3 and a half hours straight of work. I'm tired and looking forward to finally getting stoned
#I've been trying really hard to cut back on how much I'm smoking because we can't afford for me to have such a high tolerance#video games help. they keep me occupied really well. I've probably cut my weed intake in half (at least!) over the last few months#granted I've replaced one addiction with another#but it's significantly healthier and less expensive to play a game for 8 hours straight than it is to chain smoke for 8 hours
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Saturday morning breakfast in our home:
Me: *infodumping about the making of The Lord of the Rings films*
Bf: *infodumping about the crash bars of motorcycles*
Good morning everyone 😂
#nonsims#nuka.txt#this is what you get when you put autism and adhd in the same household#honestly breakfast is the most chaotic part of the day here 😂#when we have guests over they're like WTF IS GOING ON when it's breakfast time#there's lots of tea and infodumping and playing with cats and everyone trying to make breakfast but getting distracted#we got up at 8 am and now it's 2 and a half hours later and we only just finished eating our toast#EATING TOAST DOES NOT TAKE THIS LONG SO WTF HAVE WE BEEN DOING 😂
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im finally going to replay y0...
#it's been a little over 2 years#and ive never replayed any of the games before so im very interested in what this is gonna be like#i just played them slowly and in order + lad ishin at the end#i kinda wanted to do the judgments first but uh. they're never on sale <3#someday though#ugh im nervous though#not about this but like. ok real ones will remember that a couple of months ago i mentioned i finally asked my mom for like. mental health#assistance that wasnt her telling me to stop spiralling. the two appointments we could do were like. next week or october#i technically have enough time to get my shit together but ive also like. never talked to an actual doctor about this stuff before#and she kept asking me if i could be more specific than 'general longterm mental health issues' (and anxiety which she added)#but like. i dont wanna tell her Shit about that yknow#especially not like. just woken up at 2pm no preparation#also she added anxiety on her own. so you KNEW it was an issue and you didn't fucking do anything about it? at all??#truthfully i don't think it's nearly as big of an issue as before. i get stressed about stuff sure but it's pretty circumstantial#like these days i dont have anxiety about much of anything because im not trying to decide my entire future between 8 hour days in the#bright lights and eye contact factory#girl you don't have any idea what we're getting into by doing this#anyway if i get an ocd diagnosis that'll be the most awkward because that's the only one they actively joke about and that i've butted head#with them on. (i mean theyre also shit to npd/aspd ppl i just haven't chewed them out for it yet bc every time i do that i end up useless#for the rest of the day at least and i gotta pick my battles)#and idek what i wanna do about the Probably Autism going on man. i've been thinking about doing foster care/adoption for years now#when im older/if im ever financially stable. a diagnosis could basically nuke my options for that#but they'd NEVER believe a self diagnosis#whatever FUCK JT ITS YAKUZING TIME!!!!!!!!!#OH AND IT'S THE FIRST TIME DOING ONE ON LEGEND#which im nervous about bc i never really play stuff on anything but normal#so uh. 😬😬
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Bonus: Movies are actually written in such a way that account for the limited time they have. At least the good ones and older movies are. There's more and more "dead" time in modern movies as the writers have to pad things out to hit the 120-150 minute mark studios demand.
#it's like studios want movies to be 3+ hour long stage plays#only without intermission and opting for quick cuts so viewers don't get bored#6-8 episode mini series are in a weird point where it's not enough time for a tv show and way too long for a movie#so with a few exceptions it's just... bad#especially if worldbuilding is needed so it's either ignore it or exposition dump#but then if a show can be binged in 1 or 2 days they don't have to pay out as many royalties#and if it comes down to keeping more money or producing something people like we know where studio execs fall#(see also: netflix cancelling or rebranding shows for their 3rd season to reset the 3 season threshold)#(once you know about how rebranding the third season acts like cancelling a show so netflix doesn't have to pay out you see it everywhere)#(all the benefits of cancelling a show in season 1 or 2 but keeping the audience around and the cast locked in a contract)#shows written to be aired on tv now have better writing since they're afforded 8-12 episodes to get everything in#which is spread out over months for a weekly release#instead of 6-8 episodes being dropped at once and designed for people to binge in 1-2 days#that's just an awkward amount of time to develop the world/characters#especially when studios cheap out on the writer's room and crunch them so a show/season has to be knocked out in a fraction of the time#i have a theory that one of the reasons for all the reboots/remakes/adaptations aside from nostalgia is#that it gives the writers content to pull from so they don't have to start from square one#since it takes time to come up with a world/characters/story from scratch#and studios don't want to pay for what takes months if they can pay for weeks instead#plus all the legal stuff they can pull if they get a license for an older/lesser known ip#which may include pulling the whole thing years down the road once the license is up so while they may not make any more money from it#they don't have to pay royalties at the full amount anymore either
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finished re2 leon side so heres a few more pictures (cut for spoilers)
i technically have a lot more but they were taken when i was in call with my friend and just wouldnt make sense without explanation
#thesillyvivi.png#resident evil 2#fun fact originally me and said friend were supposed to just finish what we were doing and play together#but instesd for like four five hours we just yapped while he played rdr2 and i played re2#i didnt even realize i had actually beaten the game until credits rolled#i felt like there was gonna be a little more to it when i saw claire and sherry#i mean i guess there was but ehatever#i felt my sanity dropping every second i was in the greenhouse section#finished the game is 8 hours total over two days#55 saves#and probably an embarassing amount of deaths#i do NOT want to talk about how many times i gor the “change to assist mode” thing......#ended off with a B tho so overall not bad#but anyway sorry for ramble i probably shouldve made this its own post
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I'm slowly realizing that browser pet games just aren't for me-
#galaxy rambles#i WANT them to be#but DANG do they make it as HARD AS POSSIBLE to understand or do much of anything#“oh we're sorry we only have the pound open 4-8 times a week and only for a few hours at a time good luck!”#“we only change the free pets once a month; otherwise you have to spend real money on the website currency to get much of anything else”#“we have a bunch of controversies”#“we make it incredibly hard to start over if you had an account you didn't touch at all since you created it several years ago.”#“we haven't brought back all the games we need to because flash died. oh well you eont get any information on our existing content for a#while. but enjoy our 300 updates making the site look “modern” :D“#ect#yeah i get why i dont stat attached to these for very long-#the only good ones ive found (imo) are Marapets and Pixel Petz#Pixel Petz being the one i play more regularly because its not hard to navigate or get pets that look nice color pallet wise#browser pet games#pet games#digital pets#virtual pet
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LMAO so, recently someone tried to SCAM me, so i'll show you what happened and the telltales of it being a scam.
This one is quite obvious but i know people who are just starting their artist careers and might not have experiece.
Follow the thread:
🚩#1: They pick your most famous/Popular art as reference. They don't know what you actually sell.
🚩#2: They will pick a random popular character. They're not roleplayers or anything. They're not here for the art in any level
You ask me, what are the odds they really like Goku? Oh, well, you'll see. At this point i check their profile for anythign that might indicate it, but as you'll see you won't have to.
🚩#3: They say they saw my ToS. On it i state i only work with paypal and google forms.
🚩#4: Random issue with payment method. They might have a real problem with it, but see; they'll never ever accept any other payment method, such as Zelle, CashApp, Payoneer, Ko-fi, etc.
I already knew this drill so, let's continue.
🚩#5: I love playing dumb lmao. Anyway, this scam revolves on them either sending you "too much money" and asking it back or something like it. I won't be following through because i know it'll be annoying.
BE ADAMANT WITH YOUR METHODS. Do NOT EVER bend them for randos.
🚩#6: They're so ready with the info on how the payment works it's fucking funny.
The reason I PERSONALLY use PayPal INVOICES (no any other payment within paypal) is that they're safe for both me and my client. My rules are stated clearly.
MAKE A ToS I BEG YOU YOUNG ARTIST
🚩#7: They're not even a good scammer lmao they REFUSE to go on my PROFILE to get a link or read anything.
I use Forms because it collects the client requests and it's easier for me to read it all in one place. It ALSO makes scammers bored.
🚩#8: They're so disinterested on the art they don't care for posing, vibes, colors, nothing. Again, they're NOT here for art. That's hilarious.
🚩#8: Same as above. They don't care for posing or anything.
On my art they link me, i have a vampire almost staking himself in a state of euphoria.
IMAGINE VAMPIRE GOKU STAKING HIMSELF THAT'S SO FUCKIGN FUNNY MY BRO, THINK YOUR SCAM THROUGH MAYBE
🚩#9: They will price your own work for you. And they'll overshot what we, smaller artists, charge for it.
They'll overshot by a lot.
They want you to be impressed and showing "generosity" usually gets people who need monay into risky situations. That's just plain cruel.
🚩#9: Same as above. Over generosity and eagerness to pay.
They're not even with the sketch, this haven't been an hour, they don't have any work form me but OH GOD they're SO READY to pay you NEED TO KNOW they WANTS TO PAY YOU SO BAD
Lmao yeah it's working out ❤️
THIS ONE IS JUST HILARIOUS BRO I CAN'T EVEN.
ANYWAY let's continue
🚩#10: They don't know me. They don't follow me. They broke every rule on my ToS. They're making me go through a payment method i am unfamiliar and don't use.
They don't care for my process. They're not interested on my sketch.
BE. ADAMANT. ABOUT. YOUR. RULES. AND. PROCESS.
Now, for the beautiful closure of this:
Have a ToS. Don't bend the rules for randos.
Use Invoices. Be sure you're safe.
Use forms if you'd like. Requests through DM and Discord ARE COMMON FOR OTHER ARTISTS. I personally don't like it, i have ADHD.
Being an artist on an online space is dangerous. If you need help, poke an artist you know, see how they operate and if it fits you. Most of them would help you.
🚩#11: goku isn't even on their icon 😭
This is the account that tried to scam me.
#art is life ❤️
#Please DO NOT interact with them. They're clearly a scammer#do not feed their account#don't make them noticeable. Just report if you must interact.#Please don't @ them or message them.#scambaiting
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i dont WANT to have a headache
#the bin#ive had one since the last 20 minutes of work :(#which was 4 hours ago ugh. i cant do anything because my head hurts. 8 could take ibuprofen but. i dont wanna bc taking pills sucks#idk why i just cant make myslef do it. it takes very little time and helps usually but i just dont bc i cant make myslef usually#i should though. idk. im having a lot of anxiety. i miss my therapist :( now i only talk to my sister (not going well. she makes me feel#worse) and my coworkers (very limited. mostly about work during work and occasionally simple how are you doings) oh and i guess also#customers (not as bad as would think bc ppl r actually pretty nice usually but its boring and draining)#idk what to do anymore. and i cant get anywhere to talk to people wothout my sister taking me there. she has become myeasy fav#siblings very quickly. she makes me so upset. i dont even enjoy being around her at all. i need to try befriending the 1 person bc they seem#cool but theyre busy working and im busy working so its hard. but i hopw they can come over and we can play games#its wll i have man. i have no other friend options :( they seem nice tho. and theyre only a year older than me#everyone i talk to is usually at least 21 and its jarring. its been so long since i talked to people my age
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