#we never really fully unpacked and put things away and all that

[smoketransformer]

Forever Vacation

Vinny was a good looking guy, there was no doubt about that, and he knew it. Hooking up with chicks was easy for him. He partied all the time, which caused his grades to fall behind and he was recently kicked out of college.

This didn’t stop him for going down to Miami though for Spring Break. He was going to be staying with his billionaire uncle who was paying his way through college. Vinny was close to his Uncle Marco; after his parents passed away in an accident during high school, Uncle Marco took Vinny in for a few years. Vinny always figured he would inherit his Uncle Marco’s wealth as he was the closest family member to him. He didn’t need an education when he had Uncle Marco.

Uncle Marco had his personal driver pick up Vinny from the airport.

“Where’s Uncle Marco?” Vinny asked the driver.

“Had a work trip to go to. He’ll be back tomorrow evening,” the driver answered.

After a half hour drive, Vinny arrived at his Uncle’s mansion. It always surprised him the size of the place, and he got to enjoy it all to himself.

Vinny walked in and felt like he was back at home. It smelled of stale cigar smoke, but clean at the same time. His Uncle was a huge cigar aficionado and was almost always seen with one.

He headed to one of the guest bedrooms to unpack his things.

As he was unpacking, he noticed a note on the dresser and began to read:

‘Nephew,

The Dean informed me that you were kicked out. I’m very disappointed in you. I know you think you are here for vacation, but you’ll need to look for work while you are here since you won’t be going back. If you are going to live here, then you are going to be pulling your weight. I worked hard and you need to learn how to as well.

I will be back tomorrow evening. We will discuss your future plans then.

Signed, Uncle Marco

P.S - Stay out of my liquor cabinet and humidor.’

Instead of feeling like he disappointed his uncle, he felt anger. His uncle is retired and gets to enjoy life, but he can’t. Vinny decided he was going to live it up while his Uncle was away.

Marco got his swimsuit on, poured himself a nice glass of scotch and grabbed himself a cigar from his Uncle’s prized stash.

He only had one cigar in his life. His Uncle taught him how to cut and light it on the night of his high school graduation. His Uncle told him it was one of his “cheap” ones since he wouldn’t fully enjoy his special premium ones. Today though, Vinny was going to smoke a real cigar.

The afternoon passed as Vinny laid by the pool with his drink and cigar. Vinny was really enjoying one of his Uncle’s cigars. “I could get use to this,” he thought to himself.

The afternoon turned into the evening. After ordering a pizza and finishing off the bottle of scotch, Vinny passed out in his bed.

The next morning, Vinny felt ill and hungover. He headed to the bathroom to splash his face. When he looked in the mirror, he noticed something different.

“Did I shave last night?” he mumbled to himself. He now sported a short mustache. He was also more tan and noticed he looked a little more fuller. He chalked it up to being outside all day and drinking.

He went back to bed and after a few more hours of rest, he decided to go down to the beach and get some girls’ phone numbers. He put on his swim trunks, which seemed a little tighter, and a button up shirt. He grabbed a few of his Uncle’s cigars and placed them in the front shirt pocket. He felt like he looked like a million bucks; meeting a few hot chicks will be easy.

Vinny walked down to the beach, but it was a little tough. It was hard to catch his breath, but it must have been the heat.

Once he got to the beach, he lit up one of the cigars and smoked it as he laid in the sand.

A couple of college girls, who also were celebrating Spring Break, walked by.

“Looking good ladies,” Vinny called out. The two girls glared at him and said “Creep.”

This was unusual. The ladies never reacted to him that way, but shrugged it off.

As Vinny smoked his cigar, he got up and noticed his button up shirt was uncomfortable, so he unbuttoned it. It felt a lot better. He decided to post a selfie to instagram. When he looked at himself through the front camera, he didn’t even recognize himself. His mustache grew in thicker and larger. He even was thicker and larger. He noticed his gut was also protruding. Something was wrong.

He called an Uber to get back to his Uncle’s place. Vinny was frantic, what was wrong with him. He looked like he aged 20 years. He felt like he aged 20 years.

When the Uber dropped him off, he noticed his Uncle was already home. Naturally, he reached for the other cigar in is pocket, stuck it in his mouth and lit it up. Vinny felt a sense of relief.

He walked in the front door in a hurry but was out of breath. As he tried to catch his breath, he continued to puff on his cigar. Each pull of the smoke seemed to calm him down even more.

“Uncle?” he called out, but his voice was unrecognizable to him. It was deeper and more rough.

“I see you got into my cigars, old man,” Uncle Marco walked into view. Uncle Marco was a large man, with an even larger mustache. His skin was tan and wrinkly, from all his years on the beach and by the pool.

“Old man?” Vinny asked, worried. He still had his cigar in his hand.

“I told you not to, but I guess you don’t have to worry about working now that you are retired,” Uncle Marco tried to reassure his nephew. Uncle Marco approached Vinny and put his hands on his shoulders to turn him around to face a mirror.

The reflection of the two of them looked almost identical. They could have been brothers. Vinny was now an old man with grey hair and a large double chin.

Vinny couldn’t do anything about it. He had aged quickly. His uncle told him that his special cigars had that effect on people and that it couldn’t be undone.

It took Vinny sometime to get use to his new life, but he started to enjoy it. He got to relax out with his Uncle all the time. He needed to smoke as much as him as well, as the couple of cigars he smoked were very addictive. He didn’t care about getting chicks anymore. All he wanted were his cigars and scotch. He and his uncle would smoke 5-6 cigars a day together; they always were smoking.

He was content and happy with his new retired life. He felt that it was the forever vacation he always wanted.

[dotthings]

Okay, strap in, I'm going deep dive on Dean and Cas during their S15 breakup and going to address some things about The Trap. (It's long, there's a lot to unpack).

Castiel: What he did wasn't bad. It was the absence of good. And I saw that in him. But we were a family, and I didn't want to lose that, so I thought I could fix it on my own. Felt like it was my responsibility. So I left. And I didn't tell you. If I could go back and just -- just talk to him right then and there, I would. But I can't, Dean. I failed you. And I failed Jack. And I failed --

(14.18, Absence)

What Cas was about to say it seems, when Dean cut him off, was that he failed Mary, along with Dean, and Jack.

Cas is fully acknowledging his culpability and his failures.

His clinging to the idea he had to fix it on his own is similar to his S6 mindsets, but with way less hubris. This isn't about his hubris, but it's a holdover of Cas's stubbornness.

It's not true there was no growth. There's no arrogance in Cas now. That doesn't mean he's over all his neurosis. That's not how this works. But it's not the same as the past.

Why is Cas expected to be over everything and never backslide from some people, while Dean gets sympathy and understanding when he does? Neither of them cleanly break from their traumas and old patterns, they do grow, they do move forward, it's not repeating the same.

It's also patently untrue that Cas never owns up to his mistakes, never apologizes, never suffers consequences. Cas has owned up to his mistakes. Even sometimes pulls penance down on himself on purpose.

He doesn't just play at being sorry.

Dean's subjective pov from years ago (from late S7), at a point where Dean was understandably and rightfully hurt, frustrated, angry, but also scared for Cas, so he lashes out, terrified because Cas was suffering from PTSD, unable to fight, and he isn't the Cas he knows. He knows something's wrong. So Dean threw a board game onto the floor. It was all completely understandable to me and I felt for Dean. But it's interesting how this gets weaponized against Cas so people can claim Cas isn't actually sorry he just plays at being sorry, as if this is exposing some deep objective Truth, just like people take Dean's words in The Rupture that Cas is always the screw up as some deep objective Truth. When Dean is speaking from hurt, anger, fear.

Cas repeatedly apologizes to Dean in early S15.

He is not huffy because Dean didn't insta-forgive him.

The moment that broke Cas, where he decided to leave, was when he perceived Dean's walls against him to be so high and so rigid, Cas lost hope that anything would get better, that he could ever be forgiven. He really thought it was all over.

Remember that Dean already said, if Mary's dead, "you're dead to me" Remember Dean just said to Cas, "why does that something always seem to be you" about things going wrong, saying Cas is always the screw up.

Cas did not leave because Dean was mad at him.

Cas endured Dean being mad at him for how many episodes, late S14 through early S15, he didn't tell Dean he had no right to be, he didn't run away from it, he endured, and he repeatedly apologized.

Why did Cas leave, why did he leave, not because he saw Dean was angry. But because he lost hope.

Cas wasn't wrong to put some space, that's right for Dean as well as Cas, at that point, but he was wrong in his perceptions, and Cas's perceptions are heavily driven by his insecurities.

The same reasons that partly drove why he latched onto Jack so hard--loneliness, a need to feel useful, a need to feel needed.

While he's away Cas realizes he was wrong to give up. He gets a tiny sign that Dean still cares, and he comes back to try to fix it instead of running away.

It's not true there is no growth.

Cas goes back, things are tense but they are able to work together for a greater good and greater emergency.

And Cas volunteers to stand at Dean's side and return with Dean to Purgatory, where the leviathans who very specifically and personally hate Cas's guts and they all want him destroyed exist.

Don't tell me!!! Cas doesn't care about Dean!!!!!!

Dean wants to split up. He's still mad at Cas, he's allowed. But Cas rightfully points out that's more dangerous than staying together.

Don't tell me there's no growth!!!

In their first trip to Purgatory, Cas ran from Dean, to try to protect Dean. Despite Dean regarding it as abandonment, before Dean knew why Cas ignored his prayers every night, he still ransacked Purgatory, torturing monsters, looking for Cas. Refused to leave Purgatory without Cas. Even though he was angry and hurt.

When he finds Cas and Cas tells him the reason he hid from Dean--trying to draw the leviathans, to keep them away from Dean to protect Dean, Dean is absolutely gobsmacked.

This time, Cas knows it's better if they stay together. That he can protect Dean better if they stay together.

They have this conversation in Purgatory:

CAS: Well, this place will bring that out in you. Guilt. It was my fault the Leviathan got out. It was my fault we were here the first time. I carry that guilt every day. DEAN: I know you're sorry, Cas. About Bel, about Mom. CAS: I was talking about Jack. I already apologized to you. You just refused to hear it.

Let's unpack what is being said here. Cas comments on how Purgatory is a place that brings out feelings of guilt. He then acknowledges his culpability for S6, the leviathans, and that it was his fault he and Dean wound up thrown there at the end of S7. Dean says he already knows Cas is sorry about the screw up concerning Cas impulsively burning up Bel, and about what happened to Mary. Cas says he was thinking of his feelings of guilt about Jack, that he already apologized to Dean for the other things. And accuses Dean of not listening to him. Which isn't really true, but as far as Cas knows it's true because he has no way of knowing Dean really heard him, because Dean was putting up walls of iron.

DEAN: Sorry I brought it up. Maybe if you didn't just up and leave us. CAS: You didn't give me a choice. You couldn't forgive me. And you couldn't move on. You were too angry. I left, but you didn't stop me.

Getting down to the real roots of it now, Dean lets out a little confession. He's hurt about Cas leaving.

After Dean said "you're dead to me," after Dean said Cas is always the problem. Dean's mad at Cas, he's also mad at Cas for leaving. Get out--no wait, where are you going why are you leaving me.

Again, Dean is understandably hurt and he is really going through it with the inner conflict. He has rights to all his feelings. Pushing Cas away and wanting/needing him to stay at the same time, I can understand how Dean would be so conflicted.

There's nothing from either of them I don't understand, or that isn't understandable or sympathetic.

And Cas points that out, that Dean was putting up such high walls, Cas didn't know what else to do except leave. Is Cas being completely fair in how he words it? No. He's not immune to subjectivity and speaking from a place of hurt and frustration and fear of being rejected and making assumptions.

But he's not mad at Dean for being angry and this isn't canon saying Dean is wrong to be angry. "You couldn't move on" "you were too angry"--This was not a reprimand on Dean being angry. This was Cas explaining why he left. Cas left (as Cas explains) because a) it seemed self evident to Cas that Dean was never going to forgive him b) it seemed self evident to Cas that Dean was so angry at Cas there was no hope to fix it and that Dean no longer wanted him there.

It seems like a really bad faith reading to me to accuse Cas here of lecturing Dean on his anger, when what is actually happening is Cas is explaining why he left, because he can see Dean is hurt that Cas left.

And why is it from some people Dean is allowed his insecurities, his anger, his fears, but Cas has to be absolutely perfect and has to speak perfectly and without any subjectiveness, projections, or misunderstandings, at all times?

Cas feels deeply, as Dean does. He has feelings. He's a fully fleshed out character, as Dean is. A complicated character, and like Dean, with his own buzzing nest of trauma and insecurities in his brain.

"I left but you didn't stop me" finally Cas really getting to the heart of the thing. The actual root thing bothering him. Not that Dean was angry. It's that Dean let him leave without saying anything to try to stop him.

While Dean is hurt and feeling abandoned because Cas left.

This isn't about anger shaming Dean at all.

Cas isn't angry at Dean for being angry.

It is as simple in fact as Cas's fear of being unwanted, and wanting Dean to ask him to stay, and Dean's fear of being abandoned, and wanting Cas not to leave.

And then there's Dean's desperate prayer to Cas, which is another highly misunderstood scene, which gets taken as Dean "groveling" begging for Cas's forgiveness when it's entirely about Dean's own need to give forgiveness to Cas. Maybe, somewhat, saying what Cas needs to hear so Cas will stay, but it is most of all about what Dean needed to say, the same as Cas's happiness was saying what he did to Dean in 15.18. Just getting to say it. And having it be heard, is enough.

Because beneath all that absolutely justifiable anger and hurt, Dean doesn't want to lose Cas, he never actually meant for Cas to leave, didn't actually deep down want Cas to leave, and he doesn't want to lose Cas forever to Purgatory.

And Dean has a lot of fears about his anger. That he's nothing but anger, that he's only good for killing monster. This is Dean, who thinks he's "poison," who thinks people he loves are better off away from him. That isn't authorial voice. That is Dean's own fears. He can't see his own love, his own big heart. He can't see his own kindness and empathy and how deeply he loves and feels and his own goodness.

But Cas can. Cas never doubted that Dean was good or that Dean is the most caring loving human ever, what Cas doubted was about Dean still caring about him.

And then he realized he was wrong. Before Purgatory II, before hearing Dean's prayer even, he already figured out he was wrong in his assumptions on how Dean felt about him, but Dean still needed to say it, and I think Cas did need to hear it even if he already knew.

How people think Dean's anger is a late seasons invention utterly baffles me. But it's not that Dean being angry is wrong, it's that how people express their anger has ripple effects. Because that's true of everyone!!!!!!! If this reads to people as "anger shaming" then they are endorsing the idea that people should just let their anger eat them alive and destroy everything, burn it all down, no matter how much harm it does for the person who is angry.

What Dean is scared of is that his anger, the way it expressed, the hard walls he put up, the words he said, going against what was actually deep in his heart, chased Cas away when he didn't mean for that to happen.

Dean could have yelled at Cas and giving him the cold shoulder in the bunker and Cas would have endured it, if Cas hadn't gotten the impression Dean absolutely no longer wanted him around.

Is Cas completely blameless? Of course not. He made his mistakes. And he could have been more perceptive about Dean and not let his own insecurities dominate how he views things but given how driven by insecurities Dean's pov on Cas is, how is it people want to turn Cas into the monster, and only comprehend Dean, when Cas is a mirror to Dean?

Some truly can't let go of the idea that Cas into an unfeeling monster who doesn't really love Dean, that Cas is selfish and manipulative and abusive and that he doesn't care about Dean.

I want to go out into the woods and scream.

[sweetbutpsychobutsweet]

What We Left Behind in the Flames

Chapter 10

Thorin Oakenshield x AFAB!Reader

Summary: sleeping arrangements are debated and a late-night talk with Bilbo has you reliving moments of your childhood with Thorin by your side

Warnings: no use of y/n, angst

Author's Note: Thank you sooo much for your patience with my new updating schedule (if you can really call it a schedule lol) If there is anyone I forgot to add to the taglist please just send me another message to let me know. Enjoy and have a happy new year :)

Word count: 1528

“Search to the back,” Thorin calls out to Dwalin, “caves in the mountain are seldom unoccupied.” The rest of the company starts to shuffle into the damp cave. “There’s nothin’ here,” Dwalin’s voice calls out and you all start to drop your things down in relief. “Right then,” Gloin rubs his hands together in anticipation, “let’s get a fire started!” “No,” Thorin stops him, “no fires, not in this place.” You shiver and pull your cloak tighter around your shoulders. There is a horrible draft in the cave and you’re already soaked to the bone from the rain storm. “Get some sleep,” he instructs you all, “we start at first light.” You plop your wet things down onto the cavern floor. Everyone’s starting to unpack the necessities for the night, unfolding bedrolls and blankets. Finding free spaces on the cavern floor to claim. You’ve never put much thought into where you slept when setting up camp with the company. If you were in a particularly bad mood, you’d sometimes try and sleep as far away from everyone as safely possible. But now that you stand here, shivering in your rain soaked clothing, there is only one thing you desire: warmth. And if you cannot have a fire, there is one enticing alternative…

Your gaze drifts to the other side of the cave where Thorin speaks with a frustrated looking Balin. The two are huddled closely together. Do you dare sleep next to Thorin tonight? The two of you had certainly crossed quite a few boundaries already, but only ever behind closed doors. Never while the rest of the company was there to witness any form of affection between the two of you. Would Thorin object to allowing them any kind of clue as to what has already transpired between the two of you? Do you even want them to know? It almost feels like admitting some sort of defeat. Thorin finally wore you down after all your claims of not being able to stand him. Fili and Kili would never let you hear the end of it. “Bofur,” Thorin calls out, “take the first watch.” He turns away from Balin, briefly catching your eyes as you stand there watching him, still frozen in indecision. You can tell he’s having the same internal debate over your sleeping arrangements. He averts his gaze from yours and instead turns his back to you, heading towards the furthest corner of the cave. Ouch That decision has been made for you then. It should bring you some relief but instead all you can feel is…hurt. But there’s really no reason to. Just because the two of you had been semi-intimate a couple of times doesn’t meant that you’re now…together. You aren’t even sure if you want to be with Thorin that way. Publicly, romantically, or however it was you used to imagine the two of you growing up. Back when you were just a young, foolish girl. So certain that the dashing dwarven prince you’d grown up with would be by your side forever. One way or another. Marriage and courtship were never anything the two of you discussed but Dwarven society demanded that you would both marry someday. Not long before Smaug arrived, your parents were already bringing by the occasional suitor. Desperate to try and marry you off, as if that would ever tame your wild nature the way they hoped it would. And of course Thorin would need a queen. A fully dwarven queen. Someone of status, not the half dwarf girl he spent all his time with. But even though you both knew you’d be married off eventually, it was always implied that you’d still be in each other’s lives. You’d been best friends since childhood, why would that ever have to change? You couldn’t imagine ever having to live without him. That is, until you did. Until he left you no choice.

You pick your things back up with a huff. Fine then. If we wants to give you an orgasm then immediately go back to being a grumpy asshole, that’s on him. You toss your pack against the cave wall. Angrily unpacking your things next to a very quiet Bilbo. Thorin has always been very hard on the hobbit, tonight especially. After nearly plummeting to his death over the slippery cliffside, the last thing he needs is Thorin’s aggressively cold shoulder. You feel bad for the poor thing, but you’re too busy festering in your own frustrations to say so. After piling on every single blanket you own, you angrily lay down to sleep. Glaring up at the cavern and pulling the blankets all the way up to your chin. Everyone else is already asleep. Snoring away in a deep slumber, clearly exhausted from the day’s journey. Your eyelids are starting to droop as well. But just before you can drift off, a soft voice whispers your name from beside you. Your eyes snap back open and you turn to look at a sheepish Bilbo. “Can I ask you something?” he whispers. You yawn and rub your eyes, turning onto your side to see him better. “I don’t mean to pry, but I heard some of the other’s mention you’re only half dwarf. Is that true?” “Yes,” you nod, “on my father’s side. My mother is-was a human.” “Is that common in Erebor?” he asks curiously. “Not at all,” you laugh quietly, “My father was a very well respected lord in Erebor. My mother was the daughter of a merchant from Dale. He would take any excuse he could to go into town and visit her stall. When they eventually decided to get married there was quite a fuss. My mother’s family wanted nothing to do with her- or me for that matter. But luckily my Father was very good friends with Thorin’s father, Thrain. They’d grown up together, they were as close as brothers. He blessed the union and when I was born he helped ensure that I was treated as a full Dwarven citizen, just like everyone else.” “It must have been hard growing up though, I can’t imagine everyone was as accepting as Thorin’s family.” “At times,” you admit, “but I had friends in high places. And people would rather hold their tongues around me than risk the wrath of those friends.” “You mean Thorin?” Bilbo asks bluntly, and you peek over your shoulder at your king, making sure he is still asleep. “Everyone says you two used to be thick as thieves, practically inseparable.” You can see the steady rise and fall of Thorin’s chest even from here. “He was my best friend,” you confess in a soft whisper, not tearing your gaze from him. Even in his sleep Thorin looks cross. That ever present frown still on his face as he holds his sword close to his chest, as if someone will attack him in his dreams.

“What happened?” Bilbo asks, and you squeeze your eyes shut at the memories of dragon fire and the anguished screams of your kin. “Smaug didn’t just take our home and our loved ones,” you can still feel Thorin’s strong arms wrapped around you as he drags you away from the flames, kicking and screaming in protest. “Every dwarf that walked out of those halls that day, did so with a piece of themselves missing. Joy, innocence; it all had to be left behind in the flames. Thorin had to step up and become a king, everyone was looking to him now. And I finally had the freedom I’d always longed for, but at a price I wasn’t willing to pay. We both had to leave behind our childhoods in Erebor, we had to grow up quickly to survive this new reality. We started to show our true colors, and neither of us liked what we saw.” “You were angry,” Bilbo translates, “both of you.” “There are many different kinds of anger, Master Baggins. His made him stubborn and afraid, mine made me reckless and bitter. Those don’t mix well together.” “I don’t see why you two can’t get that back now,” he insists, “you were both young and grieving, surely enough time has passed since then?” “Time has nothing to do with it,” you hiss, a sharper edge coming into your tone, “He’s done things I can’t forgive, and he’d never forgive me if he knew half the things I’ve done since we last parted ways.” “What have you done?” “You wouldn’t understand!” you snap, your voice slightly louder than you had intended. “Go to sleep, hobbit,” you insist, rolling onto your other side to turn your back to him. After a moment or so, you hear him settle back into his bedroll. Your gaze falls back to Thorin’s spot across the cave. You could have sworn you saw his eyes close as soon as you look back in his direction, but you’re too tired to care. Your eyelids droop as you fall into a deep sleep, dreaming about that view from the doorway of the inn, tears running down your face, curses and insults screamed at his back as Thorin walks away.

Next Chapter

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[oh-stars]

Finally

Parents

a Stobin Month 2024 prompt | Word count: 1520 | CW: referenced pregnancy (but mild) | Rating: T

--

“Are we assholes for not saying something sooner?” 

“They would have talked us out of it.” 

Robin hums as she rocks back and forth, eyes never leaving the sleeping baby in her arms. “Still feel like we should have given them a warning. If only so that they keep the volume down.” 

Steve pauses where he’s unpacking the baby’s go bag. “I didn’t think about that.” 

She glances up at him, eyebrow raised. “You seriously didn’t consider that inviting all of your little gremlins wouldn’t result in a category five sound explosion the second they cross the threshold? If they wait that long?” 

He waves her off. “Eddie’s going to let them in,” he says, “he’ll scare them into acting right.” 

“If you say so.” 

Before Steve can say anything, there’s a little snuffle from the bundle in her arms that has him scrambling to kneel beside her. He peers, eyes wide and voice the softest whisper he can manage as he asks, “Is he waking up?” 

“I think so,” she whispers. She looks at the cloud clock on the nursery wall. “Can you fix a bottle?” 

Steve leans forward and kisses the baby’s forehead. “You betcha. Be back in a flash.” 

He carefully steps away then darts out of the room. Robin rocks back and forth to the sounds of Steve and Eddie in the kitchen, trying to be quiet and failing miserably. They all have to get used to being softer around the house now that they’ve got a new little roommate.

It’s still a bit mindblowing that she and Steve have a baby now. 

They’ve been married since Robin turned eighteen for Upside Down reasons, in case something happened to either of them, they’d be the one in control of the medical decisions – not their clueless parents. And ten years later, the Upside Down fully behind them, it just hasn’t been a priority to undo it – not with the tax break and protection it gives them both. 

Of course, it’s totally platonic. Robin’s a proud gold star lesbian and Steve is… Steve. He tries to date, but his heart hasn’t been in it since he met Eddie. He can deny he’s not in love with Eddie all he wants, but friends don’t usually send you into a multi-year sexuality crisis. 

It was on Steve’s twenty-ninth birthday that the existential crisis hit him. 

“What if we never find anyone?” he said, turning to look at her. They’re laying in the driveway, stargazing as they share a bottle of wine but neither are up for drinking. “What if I never get to be a dad? What if–” 

“Why wouldn’t you get to be a dad?” 

“We’re getting old and I’m hopeless! I could barely get to first base with Sydney the other night,” Steve huffs. “I’m just not… It’s too hard to connect with people who don’t understand why I can’t sleep without a nightlight at fucking thirty–” 

“You’re not thirty yet,” Robin reminds him gently. 

“So not the point, Robs.” 

She sighs and scoots closer to lay her head on his shoulder. “I’d have a baby with you if I could,” she said, not sober enough to really make that kind of promise. And at the moment, they both knew it was just a comment, a throwaway line to try and make him feel better, but it stuck. It stuck with her. 

It was three weeks later when she caught him making faces at a baby in the soup aisle of the grocery store that she realized she could do that for him. She’s never really considered kids before, not as a viable option for her what with the whole gay thing, but the more she considered it, the more open she was. Having a baby with her best friend in the entire world, someone who has been by her side through both literal torture and tax season, seems like the best decision she could make. 

Robin didn’t say anything for another month, letting the idea simmer as she really considered if this is something she would want to do. In her heart of hearts, she knew Steve would say no at first but the second he knew she was being honest, that she really wanted this, he wouldn’t be able to say no. But it would put a huge damper on her romantic life for the foreseeable future and make it difficult moving forward forever. She’d have a kid to think about, because if she commits, she’s doing it right. 

It’s pretty clear they went through with it.

The whole experience has been kind of incredible. Surreal to say the least. 

And only Eddie and her parents knew. 

They still think she’s straight, that she and Steve are married for real. And she does love them, knows that if she ever got the courage to tell them she’s been platonically married for the past decade that they’d be confused but open to learning. So she couldn’t keep this secret from them. 

Eddie had to know, as their roommate it’d be impossible to hide it from him. “I think Uncle Eddie has a nice ring to it,” he’d said when they told him they were going to try and have a baby. He didn’t ask any of the weird questions she expects from the gremlins either, about how they conceived if she was a lesbian and all the whys they’d ask. Eddie understood it, has even been excited for it. 

All these months of preparing and anguishing over her decision and he’s finally here, in her arms. 

Baby boy squirms as he opens his eyes, letting Robin see the murky blue of his eyes once again. “Hi,” she whispers, shifting to run a knuckle down his cheek. “Today’s a big day for you, Bubs.” 

Steve walks back in with a bottle in his hands and a rag thrown over his shoulder. “Want me to feed him this time?” 

“Are you saying I need a break?”

“You smell like baby vomit.” He sets the bottle on the table beside her. “And I’m pretty sure there’s still spit up in your hair from his last feeding. I can take Bubs so you can shower.” 

“Don’t think she’s got shower time, Stevie,” Eddie says from the doorway. “Byers just called, they’re at the corner store for a pee break. Apparently Henderson couldn’t hold it another ten minutes.” 

Robin hands over the baby to Steve, with more reluctance than she anticipated. The hormones have hit her pretty hard postpartum and while she doesn’t have the natural instincts Steve seems to have, the attachment is very real. She heaves herself up from the chair with a wince, body still sore everywhere. “It’ll take me ten minutes just to pee,” she huffs, glaring at Eddie. 

He holds up his hands. “Just saying.” 

Steve sits in the rocker and grabs the bottle, putting it to Bubs lips with a sweet coo. “Eddie can stall them if you need more time?” She can’t help but feel warm at the sight. He looks so at peace holding their son, holding his baby, the one she carried for him and will raise alongside him. This really is what he was meant to do and Robin helped him get to this point. And now, no matter what happens to either of them, there’s a little piece of Steve and a little piece of Robin in that precious boy. Her precious boy. 

“Yeah,” Eddie says, “I made sure the baby evidence was hidden away from the living room.” 

“And I took care of the kitchen.”

“So you won’t miss the surprise on their faces,” Eddie adds. 

She makes her way to the door and nods, then pauses to turn back to Steve. “And you’re still sure letting Erica name our kid is a good idea?” 

Steve shrugs as much as he can without disturbing the baby. “Do you really want to tell her that we’re backing out of the deal?” 

Robin wrinkles her nose. “Not particularly.” 

“Then I think it’s our safest bet. And hey,” he grins down at Bubs, “at least Erica will have a sensible name in mind. Unlike Eddie who suggested Beelzebub.” 

“Beelzebub Buckley is a badass name.” 

Robin swats his shoulder on her way out the nursery. “We’re not naming my son after Satan.” 

“You call him Bubs!” Eddie points out, following her towards her bedroom.

“Yeah, for Bubbles,” she huffs. “He felt like bubbles in my gut and the name stuck. You were there. You should know this.” 

Eddie opens her door for her. “Need a hand?” he asks. 

“No, unfortunately, you cannot help with this next part,” she says as she heads for the en suite. “Just go stall.” 

“Yes ma’am,” Eddie says with a salute. 

Robin rolls her eyes and holds off on smiling until he shuts the door behind him. She takes a deep breath and enjoys the first five minutes of alone time she’s had since she went into labor five days ago. It may be fleeting, but she’ll enjoy every second she has of it. 

So so worth it, though.

--

Thank you @lady-lostmind for beta reading!

Ao3 Link

This is the first prompt I kind of want to explore more in a serious sense, so let me know if you want to see more of Stobin and Bubs (with eventual Steddie ofc).

[lynnbanks]

Jet lag and brunch

(Would like to add this before you read that y/n (ivy) has Pernicious anemia and you will probably more about it in later stories. I would also like to add I'm not completely sure what this is just wanted to get it out there if there are any mistakes let me know hope you enjoy)

Our first morning/afternoon back at the lake house and if we don't hurry we will be late to brunch with luke parents and jack

Luke is still pretty jet-lagged so he is struggling to get up. “ lukey it is time to get up,” I say while rubbing his bare back long forgotten where his shirt and pants were the second we got to our room at the lake house before crashing onto the bed taking me with him.

“Lay with me for a second please.” we don't have time but I indulge already having myself ready knowing he would likely brush his teeth put on anything he can find at the top of his unpacked suitcase with a hat and be out the door.

“ ok sleepy butt we have 20 minutes to be out the door so in five minutes you need to be up and getting ready” he dismissed me by pulling me into bed with him and onto his chest mumbling “You smell good baby” voice still deep and gravely from sleeping 10 hours straight “ hmm thank you” while I run my fingers through his unruly curls “you ready to eat” I ask in a whisper as to not disturb the calm air around us seeing as we haven’t had a lot of alone time in awhile with all the crazy schedules “mmh yes very ready” “ok then let’s get this show on the road.”

Jack meets us downstairs and we all loaded up into the car, Quinn won’t be in till next week and we will probably do a fancy dinner to celebrate all of us being together and all the boys have accomplished this year.

When we get to the restaurant we meet up with Jim and Ellen in the parking lot, before we go in give a hug to both me and Luke after not seeing us for a while, we walk in and the conversation starts flowing.

Luke has his hand running up and down my leg, with the occasional squeeze, we talk about what we want to eat and enjoy each other's company, our server comes and takes our order not without giving Jack a few long stares and some flirty giggles, while we wait for our food I scoot closer to Luke and lay my head on his shoulder while he wraps his arm around me and kisses my head

“ y/n when are you free next maybe we can go get our nails done for the start of summer” “ I am free Sunday I was also thinking of getting my hair cut and finding a new swimsuit along with the other things we will need for the house we could make a day of it” luke perks up “ you have infusions tomorrow baby you should probably take it slow; don't worry about the other stuff I've got the rest.”

Luke gave me a soft squeeze on the arm to let me know he was still there with me, and all I can think now as I look up at him and smile is I love him. The rest of lunch goes pretty well me and Ellen walk out arm and arm talking about the rest of the details for our “girls’ day”. Me and Ellen have always been very close so I am looking forward to it

when I get to my car Luke is holding the door open and before I get in he pulls me into his body and gives me a soft kiss on the lips his constant need to touch me has always been something I love about him my little luv bug; instead of pulling away fully I lay my head on his chest and look up at him “Hmm I love you” he smiled “ oh really well I am IN love with you so” I laugh “ stop being so competitive Warren”

Back at the house Luke and I decide a nap would be how we spend the rest of the afternoon, so we make our way to one of the larger hammocks we had put in last year for this exact reason.

As I lay with half of my body on top of Luke he plays with the fingers on the hand that isn't playing with his curls we talk about nothing and everything; conversation had always been so easy for us never seeming to get tired of what the other has to say.

“I have missed this with you,” Luke says softly almost like he is saying it to himself; still very tired from the time change and travel that comes with the job on top of all the physical parts of the game.

I just want to rap him up and keep him in my pocket “Well you are about to see a whole lot more of me so be prepared to get sick of me” I say with a slight chuckle “ I don't think I will ever get tired of you” he says with a smile in his voice “ glad to hear it warren”

[angstywaifu]

You Think I Wanted This? Dain Aetos x Reader

Prompt - “You think I of all people wanted to fall in love with you?” by @fw-gt

A/N: For a prompt for a character I never thought I would write, I am honestly really happy with this. So I hope all you Dain girls like this. Pre Warning though, there is no happy ending. This is just Dain angst. So enjoy if thats you thing? As always requests are open if you want to suggest anything.

Masterlist

It was so hard to keep my focus on Devera and Markham who were talking about one of the current issues on our borders. I could feel his eyes on me and the bruise and cut on my eye. My squad had come back from our RSC interrogation training late last night. We had been told to let our injuries heal naturally if they weren’t life threatening. So here I sat in battle brief, with my squad, with very visible and notable injuries.

Most of the other riders had ignored it after our arrival back at formation this morning. But not him. I had felt his eyes on me as soon as I had taken my place in the rotunda. Had felt them in the corridors as our squads crossed paths. And I knew if I looked to my right I would meet the sandy brown eyes of Dain who sat a few seats away with his squad mates. His squad had yet to be taken for interrogation training. But we had seen enough come and go to know what it entailed. Knew from the injuries the other second years had returned with what awaited us. And yet I had felt his eyes on me all morning. I knew I wasn’t the only one. A few rows behind me I knew my closest friends were watching him as well. Probably wondering why Dain was watching me like a hawk.

Dain and I had become friends somehow. Somehow he trusted me unlike the other marked ones. All the others he kept his distance from. Somehow that one challenge had changed everything. The challenge where we had gone all out as it was one of the last of the year. We had ended up sending each other the healers quadrant, both being deemed a stay over night. We had also been the only cadets there. The joys of giving each other concussions and a mender not being available to heal us fully till the next day.

With only each other for company, we had begrudgingly talked to each other. We had then stayed up till the early hours of the morning talking till a healer had told us off and demanded we get rest before being mended in the morning. From there it had spiralled. Late night sparring sessions, catching each other in the library while we studied. Keeping our new found friendship secret. Mainly for Dain’s sake than mine. I would definitely get a talking to from my friends, but Dain would have it far worse if his father found out he was friends with a marked one. A child of the rebellion.

But recently our friendship had changed. Something more teetering at the edges. Our library catch ups turned into study sessions in one of our rooms, our sparring sessions having a little extra tension when one of us managed to pin the other underneath us on the mat. I had started getting feelings for Dain. Very strong feelings for Dain. I would get jealous any time he doted after Violet, protecting her. But then my heart would do cartwheels whenever his eyes met mine. And my eyes would wander whenever I could see him during sparing and challenges. Admiring the way he handled himself, and honestly the view. Dain wasn’t as built with muscle as Xaden and Garrick were. But the amount he did have suited him perfectly.

I had fallen hard for Dain Aetos, as much as I had tried not to. I had fallen for someone that was considered my enemy. And I had to put a stop to it. Or at least get through the next year and a half where we would most likely get posted far away from each other and I would never see him again. Just another year and a half. In the distance the bell rings across the college, signalling the end of classes and the start of lunch. As I had been too out of it to unpack anything for the class I quickly grabbed my bag and rushed down the stairs. Away from Dain’s eyes. Very glad my spot in the room gave me a quicker escape than Dain who I had glimpsed fighting against the crowd to get to me.

I headed for my room, hoping Dain would head directly to the dining hall where most of the quadrant would go. Where I should be going seeing as I had slept through breakfast this morning. But clearly Dain knew me better than I thought. I had been so caught up in making it to my dorm room to change before challenges that I hadn’t heard the fast approaching steps. A yelp escaping my lips as a hand grabs my jacket sleeve and drags me behind a pillar. My eyes meeting the sandy brown eyes of Dain. His eyes are frantic as they take in my face properly. Focusing on the deep blues and purples around my eye, and the scar that extended from more fore head, narrowly missing my eye before ending halfway down my cheek.

”You should go see a healer.” He says as his eyes meet mine, his hand still grasping my jacket sleeve tightly.

”Not allowed to.” I say numbly as I cast my gaze away from his, feeling my cheeks starting to flush under his intense gaze.

I see his eyebrows furrow in annoyance, a slight tick in his jaw. “But you’re hurt. They can’t stop you. I’ll take you.” His hand releases my jacket as he goes to grab my hand.

I step backwards, his hand hanging in mid air where it went to grab mine. “I don’t need you to baby me like Violet. I’ll be fine.” I snap at him.

I hate myself as the words leave my mouth as he recoils. He had confided in me about his situation with Violet. From the kiss they had shared at Threshing, to the fights they’d had since she had arrived. He had confided in me about that, opened his heart to me and let me in. And I had just thrown it in his face. I knew he was just trying to help. But something in me had reared up at it. Telling me to shove it away. That I didn’t need his help. Didn’t need his pity. Didn’t want the help his name would bring if he took me over to the healers.

“I’m not trying to baby you. I know you’re different to Violet. But you’re hurt. You need healing.” He pleads to me as he steps towards me again.

”If I was out in the field I wouldn’t get healing. They’re just preparing us for when we leave.” I take a step back. I see the pain in his eyes as I step back, my words pushing him away. Maybe this was my way out. It pained me to do it, but I had to distance myself from him. Push the feelings I had away. I couldn’t be with someone like him. It would never work. Him the Colonels son, and me a marked one from the rebellion. A reminder of what happened. Our friendship would never leave this quadrant. “I don’t want your pity, and I don’t want healing the rest of my squad wont have available to them. I don’t want the privileges that come with your name.”

I go to push past him, my only avenue of escape. I had hoped my words would numb him. Stop any reaction he would have to me walking past him. But his hand reaches out and grasps my hand, spinning me around to him, his other hand cupping my cheek. His eyes go with with shock at the contact. I want to pull away, but its as if something is holding me there. Something willing me to not move. A connection. No. A presence? What was it. Whatever it is lets me go after a few seconds, Dain releasing his hold on me as he stumbles back. The shock still evident in his eyes. As if he has been told something he can’t quite believe.

”You love me.” He suddenly blurts out.

I stand there in shock as my own eyes go wide. How the hell did he know I had feelings for him? Wait. Did he say love? No. I just had strong feelings for him. Feelings I needed to get rid of. Feelings that shouldn’t exist. Feelings I was trying my best to get rid of by pushing him away. Feelings I had not told him about. But somehow he had know about them. Dain’s hand the had cupped my cheek still hovered in mid air as his eyes darted between it and me. Could Dain read my thoughts? It’s then I realise he has never told me his signet. That the patch on his uniform indicates classified. A mind reading signet that could only be activated by touch would definitely be one they would allow to stay. And one they would keep secret.

“No. No I don’t.” I tell him as I shake my head quickly.

”No you do. But you don’t want to.” He says with a sad tone to his voice as his eyes focus on me.

I swallow nervously as I stare back into his eyes. My suspicions confirmed. Dain could read thoughts at touch. And I had been practically screaming mine in my head as I had tried to push past him. I knew he hadn’t done it on purpose by the way he was reacting. But hard to ignore something when it is practically being yelled at you.

”You think I of all people wanted to fall in love with you? Gods I tried not to. I tried so hard.” I feel wetness on my cheek and realise I’ve started crying. “But I did. I fell so fucking hard for you it wasn’t funny. And I shouldn’t have. But here we are.”

”You make it sound like a bad thing.”

”Because it is Dain!” I yell, not caring who hears us now. “We shouldn’t even be friends. I should have ignored you that night in the healers quadrant. But I didn’t. I should have pushed you away when you sought me out after. But I didn’t. I didn’t because I didn’t want to push you away. But I should have. I should have ended this before I fell fucking fell for you.”

Dain just stares at me in shock. I swear I see some tears in his eyes as well. But unlike mine they dont stream down his face. He manages to keep his emotions in check.

”What if I fell for you to? What if I was dumb enough to fall for you to even though I knew I shouldn’t be?” He takes a step towards me.

I shake my head. “There is no what if, because even if you did Dain, nothing can come of it. This doesn’t end well for us in any scenario.”

He reaches out and takes my hand in his. He knows I will try to pull away as he links his fingers in mine and holds on tightly. “What if it did?” He asks softly, leaning down to rest his forehead on mine.

I close my eyes, not wanting to stare into his eyes that I know will have me succumbing to my emotions. I needed to push him away. I couldn’t let him in. I couldn’t go down this path. It only ended in heart break. It would not have a happy ending.

”We know it doesn’t Dain. Someone like you and someone like me don’t work together. We would constantly be hiding it. I don’t want that.” I say softly, still keeping my eyes closed.

I feel his breath across my face as he sighs. He knows I’m right. And I know he would constantly be torn between who he is, who his father is and me.

”We could just have this. Have us while we are here. Where we can hide it. Enjoy what time we have.” His voice pleads to me.

My breath comes out shaky. His grip on me tightening in response. “I can’t do that. I can’t do this knowing there’s an end date. I can’t Dain.”

I feel him nod. His movement causing mine to move with his. He knows I’m right. I open my eyes to see his sandy brown eyes already staring into mine. So much sadness in them. So much emotion in them. I know mine reflected the same. I wonder if he could sense my emotions with his signet, or if it was just past memories. Either way it didn’t matter. Everything was out in the open right now.

”Can I have one thing before you walk away? Before we go and pretend we don’t exist to each other any more?” He asks.

I nod at him, and in an instant his lips are on mine. I don’t even try to push him away. I let my emotions take over. Let my body do what I’ve wanted to do whenever he’s had me pinned underneath him on the training room mats. I grasp his jacket and pull him as close as I can as I deepen the kiss. His lips parting in response. His arms wrapping around me so tightly I don’t know where he ends and I start. The kiss is urgent and passionate, both of us knowing this will be the first and last time this happens. We pour all our emotions into it before shuffling feet has us breaking apart. No one could see us behind the pillar, but we couldn’t risk it. I can feel the tears threatening to flow again, so I push past Dain with ease this time as he lets me pass. Not daring to look back to see if he watches me go. But I know he does. I feel his eyes on my back like I had all day, but this time for a different reason.

[hanmaitani]

Survivor's Guilt

PAIRING - Oikawa Tooru x Reader WC - 1.5K GENRE - Angst SYNOPSIS - it never gets better just easier. what didn't kill me never made me stronger sometimes it just made me wish it would have. cause i'm not a fighter i haven't been for a long time. the mourning and missing turned into survivor's guilt when i started moving on too.

PREV PART | MASTERLIST | NEXT PART

It had been three months since Tooru left you.

You’d only seen him in person in passing. Had had less conversations with him than fingers on one hand.

You almost didn’t mind it.

There was the one time that he pretended like you weren’t even there, if he’d actually seen you or not you didn’t know but he’d made sure to call a greeting to everyone except you.

That one stung.

Three months.

It wasn’t that you didn’t care about him anymore. More like trying to convince yourself that he wasn’t you problem anymore.

You could get on without him. You could. You’d done it. Pulled yourself off the bottom of the pit he’d dropped you into and crawled your way out. Quickly, throwing yourself full swing back into you life.

This time without him.

You were currently with none other than the three best friends of the man you were trying to forget the existence of.

The three men that you’d spent so much of your time with for years now.

“So what’s been going on with you?” Makki asked as he sat easily next to you on top of your desk. The one you'd put together on your own not that long ago.

Mattsun was poking through the stack of boxes to your left, ones that you'd just pulled out of storage, trying to downsize the unit you'd had to get. Iwa stared into your empty fridge with disappointment.

Your apartment was a mess, really, the time to unpack the new boxes having never really come about. Mostly from your insistence of sleeping more than you'd needed to before.

“You any better?” Makki asked sincerely, throwing an arm around you as he tugged you closer, a familiar gesture.

You sighed, scrunching your nose up at the question. “It’s not better,” you leaned against Makki, your head falling on his shoulder as you watched Mattsun pick open a box, “but it’s easier I think.” Mattsun tilted his head at you, as Makki hummed in acknowledgement.

“We could still kick his ass?” Mattsun suggested as he came to stand in front of you. He smiled lightly but you shook your head in disagreement. “You’ve got bruises, you know.” He poked at a bruise on your thigh and you swatted his hand away.

“Slipped when I was moving my dresser.” You mumbled, fingers tracing the biggest of many bruises, another thing you'd convinced yourself that you could do on your own.

“Should have asked for help.” Iwa chastised. “And you need to buy food.”

“I don’t have time,” you mumbled. “I didn’t wanna bug you guys, I’m sure he needed you more.”

Makki tapped your head in disappointment. “You know what they say.” He chuckled, giving you another squeeze as he looked at your partially-unpacked apartment. “Time heals all wounds.”

You scoffed and shook your head. “No,” you whispered, ignoring the way they looked at you, sadness tinting their vision of you. You pulled one of your knees up to your chest, bracing your heel on the desk to keep it there as you wrapped your arms around it. “It doesn’t really heal it. It isn’t healed. Just sometimes I forget how much it hurt at first. And as time goes on I forget more often.”

Mattsun moved to sit on the other side of you, throwing an arm over your shoulders on top of Makki’s. “All the cliches kind of suck.” He hummed in acknowledgement and watched as you nodded your agreement. You stopped leaning on Makki and set your chin on top of your knee as Iwa turned his attention fully to the rest of the group. “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and all that.”

You hated that one most of all.

Mattsun was poking into a box from next to him on your desk, showing Makki some of your desk decorations that you hadn’t put out yet as he came across them.

He meant no harm bringing it up.

But what didn’t kill you, it didn’t make me stronger. It just made you wish it would have.

You’d spent days in bed, trying to cope with the loss. You hadn’t even cried at first. Just laid there.

You didn't text him. Not really, not like the first time he'd left. You'd tried to avoid it.

But you wanted to so much.

To beg more. To yell more. To cry to him. To tell him you still loved him more than anything.

You wanted the hugs that he used to give that you always went to when you felt like you needed to breathe again. You’d used to drive anywhere, 30 minutes out of your way, just to get a hug.

You wanted to fight with him, to fight for him. For the both of you.

But you seemed to have lost your fight.

You tried. Tried to find the girl that you used to be. The one that bared her teeth and bit remarks out. That got what she wanted because she could fight for it. The fighter.

You weren’t her anymore. You’d stopped being her slowly. Sinking down into the girl that let Tooru talk you into everything. That didn’t argue with him because she was afraid to lose him. You weren’t a fighter like that anymore. Not with him.

Iwa caught your attention, pulling you back from your mini zone-out and back to the three boys who were there to pick up a borrowed vacuum and to check in on you.

“Y/n?” he whispered, softly asking for your attention. You hummed and looked up at him, tilting your head just enough to lock eyes with him. You could see Makki and Mattsun watching you carefully from either side of you. “Are you alright?”

No, of course I’m not.

You wanted to scream it. To cry about how much it hurt to be mourning a relationship you thought was going to be the rest of your life. To be dropped in what was supposedly a split second decision. What it felt like to feel like you’d never meant anything to Tooru.

“I’m just tired, Haji,” you responded, pushing out a small smile. Iwa didn’t look convinced by your lie so you continued on. “Just working a lot to make sure I can afford the rent on my own. Rebuilding my savings after dropping it all on a deposit.” You knew all of them were looking at you concerned but you just smiled, squinting your eyes at them to make it cover your whole face, a trick you'd learned. “I’m alright, just tired. Honestly.” You lied straight through your teeth.

The three of them didn’t stay for long. They’d helped you unpack a box. Mostly because you would take something out of Makki and Mattsun’s nosy hands and set it in a spot you deemed appropriate.

It was nice to laugh with them again. To have a moment not alone.

But now?

You laid on your couch and stared at the ceiling of your apartment. Your phone was next to your head, abandoned from where you’d been scrolling social media just minutes prior.

You were alone again and it was like it all just came creeping back. They’d made you talk about Tooru. You had tried your best to avoid the subject. You didn’t even know if you cared anymore.

Well, you knew that you cared that he left.

But was it that Tooru was gone?

Or was it how he left?

You’d heard a little about how he’d been doing. He’d had a couple issues with his car, with money. You’d laughed out of spite to yourself when you’d heard. Served him right. You’d struggled and pulled yourself out of the hole he’d thrown you in.

You’d survived the wreckage that your relationship became.

But you couldn’t tell if you missed him or just having someone.

You’d known, the second you saw him that he would break your heart. That he would never be yours, not really.

You’d been grieving the loss of him. The loss of the constant he’d forced you to let him be.

When had you stopped thinking about him all the time?

There was a tightness that wound up into your throat. A feeling of guilt gnawing away at your bones.

Your phone lit up, a message from a a dating app you’d drunkenly downloaded and made a profile for a week prior.

You swallowed a lump in your throat.

How could you have downloaded that?

Were you really trying to move on? Without even thinking how he would feel?

The sinking feeling in your gut started to eat its way up your throat and pooled water across your lash line. The guilt of everything freezing you.

What were you doing?

Did he care?

Did you even care if he did care?

a/n a/n thanks for coming to the free therapy of fictionalizing my irl breakup experiences. yes this actually happened. partially based on "Good Grief" by Leanna Firestone

TAGLIST - OPEN

@all-in-the-fandoms @pearl-blue-musings @winniethepooh-lover

[questionableratatouille00]

𝓨𝓸𝓾’𝓿𝓮 𝓒𝓪𝓾𝓰𝓱𝓽 𝓐 𝓢𝓽𝓻𝓪𝔂

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Moving to a new place is always a tough time, but the knowing you have a mysterious neighbor doesn’t exactly help.

Warnings: None?

[📞 Series Masterlist 📞]

𝙃𝙤𝙢𝙚

“On Friday, April 4th, three helicarriers from the US government affiliated organization known as S.H.I.E.L.D. fell into the Potomac River in Washington, DC. This occurred only thirty minutes after many previously confidential government, S.H.I.E.L.D., and HYDRA documents were leaked onto the internet. With us today we have Mr. Ed Brubaker here to talk more on HYDRA and how…”

It was like the same news story had been playing for the last week.

Your family had immediately urged you to move somewhere else, somewhere safer. You intended to move anyway, but their persistence was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

And so, you packed up your shit and moved.

You were an artist, so there was plenty to pack. You were only partially concerned over your financial situation—most of your art was bought online, so as long as you could mail things, it would be okay.

And, if worst comes to worst, you could always get a job at like, a sandwich shop or something.

“That over there is the barn. Concrete floor, sturdy walls, perfect for tractors and other vehicles and machinery. Right in front of it is the garage—four wheelers and whatever else is good in there. Here’s your main house. All one floor. Four bedrooms.” Mike said as he walked you up the porch to the sliding glass door.

He led you inside the house. “Master bedroom down the hall, master bathroom connected to it. These are your two living rooms, this one has a television. Back room’s got the laundry machines, and plenty of storage. It’s also got the big freezer. One of your bedrooms is connected to it.” Mike explained. “Nearest neighbor is two fields away—nobody but old folks like me live up here. ‘Cept for Mr. Blackwood, I believe. Though, I have no idea how old that gentleman is, I never seen him ‘round here when I was gettin’ this place here ready.” He pondered. 

“Mr. Blackwood?” You echoed.

“Yeah. Chris or Charles or Chase or somethin’ like that. Never hear about him in town, didn’t even know he lived in that there house until recently. Either way, there’s the thin tree line separating you.” 

“Right,” you nodded. “You are amazing. The place looks great.” You said to the man who’d sold you the house.

“I do my best, ma’am. The pantry’s fully stocked. You asked for fully furnished, and I planned to deliver.” 

“You really did—this is absolutely perfect.” You would admit that the way you’d gotten this place on such short notice was a little shady, but you weren’t going to complain.

“Why, thank you.” He smiled. “Radio’s in the master bedroom. WiFi and internet aren’t the greatest back here—always plan like you won’t have it. Power can get rocky during storms, so always make sure you know where your radio is jus’ in case.” 

“Right. Got it.” 

Mike left a little later, and you got to bringing in boxes. You put the boxes in their designated rooms before beginning to unpack the necessities first. Things like clothes and stuff.

You wondered about Mr. Blackwood. He was your only neighbor for literal miles, so you had to wonder what he was like. Was he old, like Mike had said? Was he around your age, or maybe somewhere in between? Was he nice? Or would he be annoying? 

You had other things to think about. Besides, this wasn’t the most important thing at the moment. You got back to unpacking. 

The Captain walked through the halls, the sound of his shoes against the floor audibly telling the world that he means business. His blonde hair was slightly messy, as if he’d just been on a mission. His brows were furrowed, his fists clenched at his sides. A woman with red hair rushed to match his pace. She looked equally concerned, but more for him than whatever he was focused on. 

The Spy reached out, attempting to put her hand on his shoulder. He paused to let her do so.

“It wasn’t your fault,” she told him. “You thought he was there so you followed your lead. You made all the right calls.” She attempted to soothe him. 

“He wasn’t even there. All that time we could’ve been finding him and I was too busy leading everybody the wrong way.” The Captain frowned. 

“It’s okay,” she hummed. “We’ll find your guy. We will.” 

The Captain nodded as the Spy gently cupped his face. 

“Besides,” she said after a moment. “There’s always one person we can ask for help.” 

The Captain gave her an unsteady look, one of pure displeasure. Whoever the other person was, the Captain was not fond of him.

A/n: it’s been a long time coming, huh?

Graphics by @saradika-graphics

[ryind]

SPOILERS FOR OPPENHEIMER BY THE WAY BECAUSE I HAVE WAY TOO MANY THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS MOVIE AND WANT TO DISSECT IT

Okay so I know there are some very reasonable and valuable complaints, comments, and criticisms about Oppenheimer and how it handles the ACTUAL victims of the war, martyrizing Oppenheimer, an arguably very gray character in reality for more reasons than the atomic bomb and...trying to poison his mentor. You know. The basics.

THAT SAID I AM GOING ABSOLUTELY FERAL FOR CILLIAN MURPHY'S PORTRAYAL OF OPPENHEIMER LIKE I HAVE A 3 IN 1 DEAL FOR HYPERFIXATIONS RIGHT NOW I THINK BECAUSE WE HAVE THE ACTUAL MOVIE, CILLIAN, AND THEN OPPENHEIMER. AGH. LOSING MY MIND. PICKING APART EVERY SCENE AND DETAIL WHILE ALSO GUSHING ABOUT CILLIAN'S PERFORMANCE.

on that note here's some things I worked out about the movie, or rather, my takes on them for those curious (some of these are definitely a stretch, but I like seeing how far I can push a metaphor once I find one, so here we go):

Lotta controversy about the "I am become death" quote during the sex scene, which, fair. I can see why they included it though, upon reflection. In the moment, it just feels like a strange foreshadowing of the bomb itself, which did Not resonate with me and seemed fairly jarring, but upon closer inspection, I think the relevance of that quote in *that* context is that this is the first person Oppenheimer lost. Jean needed Oppenheimer, and he blamed himself for her suicide (or murder, maybe). This was the first time he "became death, destroyer of worlds"; the first marble in the bowl, which mirrors Oppie's reaction to the bomb's actual detonation quite well, too, I think. Something terrible has just happened, and yet the expectation is that Oppenheimer shows up and pretends all is well and he isn't horribly damaged, just martyring on.

SECOND

The orange from Rabi might be a bit deep or I might be a bit stupid. Oranges tend to symbolize positivity and aid, so being told to eat one by a friend in his most vulnerable moment is a kindness, hence some symbolism there. I did unpack this deeper though, say, such that oranges need to be peeled to get to the sweetness, and they are one of the sweetest citrus fruits, though they maintain their tang. This represents perfectly how the orange delivery felt in that scene; sweetness from Rabi in a moment of vulnerability, the orange peel gone, the bitter and trauma numbed exterior of Oppenheimer stripped away for just a moment before the sour slammed back in full force. Also just. Really stretching it but oranges being segmented could both represent a fractured mind AND the different perspectives on Oppenheimer as a whole and his reputation to this day.

Oh and General Groves when telling Oppenheimer he's essentially done with him but will ..try? To keep in contact? And update him?? He's buttoning up his coat if I remember right, mirroring his guard getting put up as he ends his amicable dealings and negotiations with Oppenheimer, adding layers and making himself less vulnerable. Oppie, meanwhile, smokes as the quiet, socially acceptable way to perform an anxious ritual.

Also the RAIN. Don't have this one fully unpacked yet and maybe never will but Cillian in an interview mentioned that Nolan described Oppenheimer as "dancing between the raindrops" and this has only half clicked with me but oh well here we go. The basic idea is likely that Oppenheimer doesn't abide by just one grouping of people or their ideas, or hop on any flow bound for one particular destination. Rather, he dances in the space between; in the uncertainty that looms closer towards the ground the further things fall. I think this works decently with what I've listened to and read about Oppenheimer as a person, saying he'd follow recent physics, always growing impatient with the current field he was in and seeking something more...I don't like the use of this word in relation to science but "trendy." I guess the dust particles and whatnot in the headspace sequences work in line with the whole rain theory too in terms of how Oppenheimer doesn't just think about the interactions and the space between, but lives and breathes it as the space between the raindrops; between those that make the biggest splashes, as he gets caught in the ripples. Also given his anti-war rhetoric throughout the movie I feel like there's maybe a fire/water thing going on with him trying to quench the bomb he created but ultimately failing? Who knows. Maybe it's just rain.

Anyways here's all the ramblings I did to myself to reach these conclusions. They are incomprehensible.

[bangchansimpxo]

Bad Kiss [Part 1]

Part 2

pairing: jeon jungkook x reader

genre: fluff, suggestive

summary: your cousin yoongi's former roommate jungkook witnesses your first kiss with a potential love interest and has some thoughts to share.

cw: minor swearing, suggestive content

~originally posted on AO3~

jk's not really as much in this part i'm sorry bear with me, i'll probably put the next part up tmrw

You entered the code into the keypad, pushing the door in after a soft click to reveal the modest apartment. Your cousin Yoongi had one roommate whom you’d never met. They’d been friends in college and reconnected when Yoongi ate dinner at the restaurant he managed. Said roommate was in the process of moving out and agreed to let you start moving in before he was fully out.

Your job was two hours away from your old apartment. It hadn’t been an issue for a while because you could do most of your design work remotely, but management was making a push for more in person attendance at the office. Hence, the need to move. Luckily your cousin Yoongi had mentioned his roommate was moving out from the apartment that was 10 minutes from your office. You told him you were interested and now here you were.

“Yoongi,” you called into the empty apartment, shutting the door behind you.

Your ever-exhausted cousin shuffled into the common space in a rumpled t-shirt and baggy grey sweats. He greeted you with a tired grunt, his hair ruffled in a way that said he’d just gotten out of bed. He took your duffle bag and suitcase from you, leaving you with only your backpack. He shuffled back the way he came with your only option being to follow him.

“Good morning to you to,” you said with a chuckle.

Yoongi swung the door open to what would be your new bedroom. It was a simple room but it had enough space for sleeping and working which was all you ever did anyway. You’d shipped your bed, desk, and dresser earlier and someone had already set them up. The boxes you’d also sent earlier that month were sitting in the center of the room.

“Jungkook moved your stuff in here,” Yoongi finally said, “He kinda just copied his old format but if you want to move anything around, I can help.”

“He speaks!” you said, earning a swat on the back of the head from your cousin. “I kinda like it though,” you added smiling at the room. Your bed sat in the corner farthest from the door, your desk facing the window and dresser in the corner by the closet. You walked over to the window, pulling back the floor length black out curtains to let in the natural light.

Yoongi groaned and shielded his eyes, his pale complexion indication of how much he liked the sun. Yoongi spent long hours inside. He worked from home more days than not, his much larger bedroom converted into half sleeping quarters-half studio for his music production. The man could go for weeks without leaving the apartment.

“If you want to go furniture shopping we can steal Jungkook’s car,” he said, “He’s coming over later to pick up more of his stuff.”

You nodded, taking your bags from him and setting them on the floor of your room.

“Do you need anything else?” he asked, “I wanna go back to sleep.”

You shook your head and laughed, “Go back to bed sleepyhead, I’ll just be unpacking.”

Your cousin left your room with a content sigh, leaving you to load your dresser and set up your desk in peace.

---

A couple hours had passed since you’d started unpacking. You’d almost completely finished your bedroom and bathroom spaces and were now in the kitchen making a list of the things you’d need to buy.

You hummed to yourself softly as you opened the kitchen cabinets to see what Yoongi had and what you’d need to supplement. You were so lost in thought you almost missed the sound of the door opening.

You turned just in time to see the most attractive man you’d ever met come through the door. He was tall and muscular, oozing confidence, with doe eyes and a sharp jawline. His black hair was tousled but still looked stylish, his all black outfit bringing out the silver piercings and jewelry he wore.

“Hi.”

His voice was like honey. Sweet, smooth, something you could get stuck in.

“Hi,” you said a bit breathlessly.

“You must be Y/N.”

“Yes,” you let out a short laugh, “You must be Jungkook?”

Jungkook nodded and flashed a crooked smile, “Nice to officially meet you.”

“Nice to officially meet you too,” you cursed yourself internally for basically parroting back everything he said. “Thanks for moving my stuff into the room.”

“No problem,” he said nonchalantly, he moved into the kitchen stopping across the island from you, “I just set it up like I had it before but if you need any help moving stuff around I can totally do that.”

“Oh no, that’s okay, Yoongi already offered and I kinda like how it’s set up,” you said.

Jungkook pushed his lips together, unbothered, giving you a single nod and glancing down at the journal where you were writing your shopping list.

“So you’re here to pick up your stuff?”

“Yup.” he said simply.

“Do you have a lot left to move?”

“Nah, most of my stuff’s already in my new place.”

“Nice,” you said, twiddling your thumbs awkwardly as a long silence ensued.

Your cousin’s shuffling broke the silence.

Jungkook’s face lit up as his eyes landed on his sleepy friend “Yoongles!”

Yoongi grunted at him. “I’m stealing your car.” he said.

“What?” Jungkook laughed.

“Y/N needs to get stuff.”

“Yoongi, I don’t need to go this second,” you said.

Yoongi gave you a blank look, “but I’m awake now.”

Your eyes widened and you blinked at Jungkook who was equally silent with a bemused grin on his face. He just shrugged at you as he slid Yoongi his keys.

---

Several weeks had passed since you moved in with Yoongi. Jungkook had fully moved out so you saw less of his gorgeous face and sexy tattoo sleeve. But he and Yoongi were friends so occasionally you’d come back on weekends to find Jungkook lounging in the living room.

You were slowly getting into a routine of walking to the nearby local coffeeshop and taking the bus from there to work every weekday. You’d grown attached to the coffeeshop, even sometimes managing to drag Yoongi with you to inject some coffee into his veins on the weekend.

“I don’t understand why you make me come here,” Yoongi groaned into the table, his forehead resting on the wooden surface. “We can make coffee at home.”

“I like the ambience,” you said with a smile, “Not all of us are antisocial vampires.”

Yoongi lifted his head enough to glare at you. You smiled sweetly at him before you heard the barista call out your name.

“I’ll go grab our coffee.”

You hummed to yourself cheerfully picking up the two cups from the counter and smiling at the barista, letting out a quick “thank you”. Your good mood quickly soured, however, when you collided into someone’s hard chest and watched the coffee tumble to the floor.

“Shit! I am so sorry,” a voice said.

“It’s fine,” you said sadly, bending down to pick up the cups and throw napkins on the spill.

“Let me help,” the voice continued, increasing in volume as the owner reached your level.

You locked eyes with a handsome man before his eyes darted down to the spill. He accepted a roll of paper towels from the coffee shop staff and started to clean up the spill. “I’m so sorry, let me buy you a new one.”

He had the cutest eyes. They seemed like the type to form an adorable eye smile whenever he grinned. His hair was dyed a light brown and he was pleasantly muscular. You could almost let go of your annoyance over his spilling your coffee.

“It’s okay,” you sighed, “My cousin was saying he wanted to drink coffee at home anyway.”

“Let me buy you new coffee,” he insisted, “Please.”

You met his eyes, seeing the sincerity in him.

“And you can take it home to drink with your cousin.”

You let out a little laugh, “Okay fine.”

The man went to acquire new coffee for you and your cousin as you went to sit back at your table. Yoongi was watching you with an eyebrow raised, as you sat down.

“What?”

“Is spilled coffee part of the ambience?”

---

It turned out the man who spilled your coffee was also a regular at the coffee shop. You ran into him (not physically) a few more time before you actually spoke to him again.

You turned around one morning, iced coffee in hand when there he was. Reflexively you drew your coffee into your chest. “Please not the coffee,” you said.

The man let out a laugh, “Don’t worry, once was enough.”

You smiled at him and began to move away, thinking the conversation was over.

“Jeno,” he said abruptly.

“Sorry?” you said turning around.

“My name,” he laughed awkwardly, scratching the back of his head. “My name is Jeno.”

“Y/N.” you said smiling.

“To be honest, I’ve been wanting to talk to you for a while now but I was pretty sure I blew it with the whole coffee spill incident.”

You laughed, “Don’t worry about that, all is forgiven. Yoongi especially liked the extra fruit tart you included.”

He gave you an adorable eye smile and held the door open for you as you both headed out to wait for the bus, “Do you work around here?” he asked.

“Yeah,” you told him, “It’s pretty close to here, what about you?”

“Oh, I’m actually a PhD student.” Jeno said, “The university I study at is a couple bus stops away from here.”

And thus began the start of you and Jeno’s friendship. Each morning you’d get coffee and head to the bus stop together. You sat together on the bus and chatted until he got off at his stop a few stops before yours. You learned he was in the PhD program for physical therapy at a prestigious nearby university but that he was also interested in music. You told him about your graphic design work and about how Yoongi was a part of the music industry. Jeno was easy to talk to. You were introverted, albeit less so than your cousin, but you found yourself comfortable enough around Jeno to look forward to seeing him every morning.

“He’s totally into you,” Yoongi said one day as he flipped through movies on the TV. Jungkook was over again, sitting in an armchair next to the couch.

“We’re just friends,” you scoffed.

Jungkook sat there with a bemused grin, eyes darting back and forth between you and Yoongi, entertained.

“Yeah maybe you see it that way,” Yoongi said, “But he’s into you.”

You rolled your eyes, stealing the remote from him.

“When was the last time you went on a date?” Yoongi asked straight-faced.

“Ew, I am not talking to you about this,” you said, mock gagging.

But truthfully it’d been a while. Since your last boyfriend dumped you on Valentine’s day after almost a full year of dating, you’d been trying to put together the pieces of your broken heart. When you finally felt more yourself you just didn’t have the energy or desire to put yourself out there again. You were happy by yourself. So happy, you hadn’t felt the need to date in over two years. You’d go on an occasional date with a slice of white bread of a man every so often just to appease your nosy aunties. But you’d never attempted to date in earnest in quite a while.

“It’s definitely been a long time,” Jungkook chimed in.

“Who asked you?” you said, glaring at you.

Jungkook just shrugged. “Would you say yes if he asked you on a date?”

Yoongi had stolen the remote back from you and was now completely tuning out the conversation he had started.

“I don’t know,” you answered truthfully. You saw a smirk beginning to form on Jungkook’s face so you snapped out a quick, “Because he’s not going to ask.”

---

When Jeno asked you out the next day you vowed that if you found out Jungkook or Yoongi had somehow tracked him down and coerced him into asking you out you were going to bury them both alive. That aside, you felt like burying yourself aside when Jeno asked to take you to dinner and your response was, “Why?”

Jeno laughed in surprise, “Okay,” he said shifting forward in his bus seat to turn more towards you, “That was better than a rejection I suppose.”

“I’m sorry—” you said quickly, “I didn’t mean—”

“No, no,” Jeno interrupted, “Let me answer, I want to answer.”

You laughed lightly and allowed him to continue.

“You’re cute,” he started strongly. You smirked at him but he kept going, “you’re smart, you’re funny, you’re easy to talk to. I like getting to know you and I want to see if we can take this beyond friendship. So I’m asking you to give it a chance, can I take you out to dinner?”

Jungkook’s teasing words echoed in your head, “Would you say yes if he asked you on a date?”

You hadn’t given it an earnest thought, brushing it off and insisting you and Jeno were both friends. Honestly, you just hadn’t thought about him that way.

But once again Jungkook’s voice echoed in your mind, “It’s definitely been a long time.”

A pulse of annoyance rushed through you thinking of his stupid grin. Jeno was sweet and you enjoyed his company. You did look forward to seeing him every day so, why not give it a shot?

“Okay,” you said.

“Okay?” Jeno asked, looking like a deer in headlights.

“Yes,” you laughed, “Yes, I’d love it if you take me to dinner.”

“Okay,” Jeno said letting out a huge sigh and sinking back into his seat.

“Does tonight work?” he continued.

“Sure.”

“Great, I��ll pick you up at 7.”

So this was happening. Tonight you were going on a date.

[writingforfishes]

Hicvember: Halloween

CW:

long lasting hiccups

loud and fast hiccups

dorky halloween costumes

some very light mention of weight-related bullying (margie punched them)

hiccups from getting scared

dorky halloween costumes

mark living out a childhood he never really experienced

mark being a brat

otto and atticus are grumpy guses

corn mazes are sort of miserable, you all

last half of this story was written after work and might seem rushed

writer cares too much about the quality of their kink fic

It was the weekend before Halloween. Otto and Atticus are getting ready to go out for the evening with Mark and friends.

“You really want to go to this corn maze?” Otto asked as he flipped off lights and patted his pockets to make sure he had everything with him.

Otto was dressed as a wolf. It wasn’t an intricate costume, but it was enough to imply wolfness without a mask covering his face. He had ears, makeup, claws, and some canine chompers molded on his teeth. He even had a little tail Atticus had delighted in applying (and playing with).

Atticus said they would fight any furry who tried to steal him away as he was looking mighty fine dancing between the realm of beast and man. Atticus prided themselves on having furry tendencies, but not fully identifying with the label.

“I mean, whoever DIDN’T find fox Robin Hood and fox Maid Marian sexy in the Disney cartoon is high-key lying to themselves!” they’d claimed

But back to the present, Atticus was swinging their plastic ax lazily from their hand with a shrug.

“No man. I hate corn mazes,” they admitted. “It’s cold and dark and I can’t see worth shit. People with chainsaws running around and jump scares? Not a fan.”

“BUT,” they continued said when Otto started to comment, “this time I’ll be with my husband who is very tall and protective and is not a bunch of teenagers who don’t notice that their shortest friend has gotten lost, has a headache, and just wants to go home.”

Otto squinted, “So...do we need to unpack that oooor…?”

“No time to unpack, Mark’s here!” Atty blurted showing Otto the text.

Otto looked down at his spouse. Atticus was dressed as the Huntsman. They had on a red checked flannel (on top of long johns), had let their scruff grow out as much as possible (supplementing with makeup when it wasn’t visible enough for them), had on boots, jeans, and wore a beanie.

The couple’s story was the Huntsman, who saves Little Red Riding Hood, hunted the Big Bad Wolf but fell in love with him instead. Although, Atticus had fully enjoyed bonking Otto on the head with the little plastic ax when it was first purchased.

They both stepped outside on the front porch. Otto locked the door and put his hands in his pockets for warmth while scanning for Mark’s car.

“Must not have...gotten here yet,” Otto said, still squinting past the light from the porch.

Mark was the reason they were going to this blasted corn maze in the first place. Mark had never been to a corn maze. He’d gone earlier in the week during daytime with his and Alice’s kids. Entranced with the idea, Mark wanted to experience the night version. He’d invited Otto, Atticus, Margie, Cindy, and a couple of other people. Mark was also their ride. The minivan he’d regretfully had to purchase came in handy sometimes.

But as Otto scanned the streets, he saw no signs of him. There weren’t any headlights in the distance, either.

“C’mon, man, I’m freezing my tail off out here!” Otto muttered.

“You are wearing just a white Henley, dude,” Atticus pointed out, still swinging their toy ax from their hands, which were swaddled in thick fingerless gloves.

“Yeah, I thought a jacket would over-complicate the costu—AAAH!”

Otto screamed in chorus with a yelp from Atticus as Mark jumped at them from a dark shadow beside the porch, soundlessly appearing from seemingly thing air. The detective cackled as Otto clutched his chest while his other arm had swung in front of Atticus. Atticus’ arm had, in turn, swung in front of Otto’s arm brandishing the ax, but they’d also clutched his bicep with their other hand.

“Jesus! Shit!” Otto exclaimed. He took a gulp of breath.

“What the fuck, man?!” Atticus yelled.

Mark was dressed as the Grimm Reaper, minus scythe at the moment. His cheeky grin beamed from the shadows of his hood.

“Oh my gawd, that was so good! You guys! Ha! You shoulda seen your faces! That’s just a taste of what’s gonna happen at the corn maze. Just warming you up. What? I mean… That was good...” he said, starting enthusiastically but trailing off when he met Atticus’ unamused face.

“Why did we agree to this?” Atticus asked rhetorically.

“Because HU’kuk!-we wanted to hmk!-to be good fr-eck!-friends?” Otto asked, rubbing his chest with a frown. “Shit. I just hulmp!-just got rid of th-himp!-ese!”

He sure had. Atticus had been very involved in “getting rid” of his hiccups. But now they rubbed his back consolingly.

“Did I seriously just scare you into a case of hiccups?” Mark asked, his amusement increasing tenfold.

Otto glared at him, the dark makeup around his eyes making him look even angrier and more threatening than his pronounced brow usually emphasized. But the sounds and bobs of his head really didn’t sell the threat, ultimately.

“Awe, c’mon guys! You look great! You’re gonna have fun. I’ve already got Margie and Cindy with me down the street in the van,” Mark implored.

“I’m ge-hip!-getting my jack—et,” Otto groused, unlocking the door.

“So...did you play this trick on Margie and Cindy?” Atticus asked while Otto was reaching for his coat and closing the door behind him.

“Are you kidding?” Mark said. “Those two would’ve mauled me. I know my limits.”

As Atticus and Otto followed Mark down the street to where he’d hidden the minivan Atticus turned to Otto, who was still hiccuping.

“You think we should be offended by that?” they asked.

Otto shrugged, delving his hands, donned in claws and artificial fur, into the deep pockets of his coat.

“He’s not wro-HOMP!-uh, wrong,” he admitted.

“I did try to swing a plastic ax at him…” Atticus said with a wince.

Otto chuckled, head ducking in another hiccup.

“You gonna be okay with...those?” Atty asked.

“Yeah th—they’re not too ba—ad, HMP!” Otto said with a smile.

As it ended up, Otto’s hiccups were actually very helpful when both he and Atticus got quite lost as they trailed behind Mark, Margie, and Cindy who were all hellbent on escaping the maze the quickest.

Margie’s Kermit The Frog as Sonny Bono costume to Cindy’s Miss Piggy as Cher costume were inspired on a level Otto and Atticus both privately knew they could never attain. They both loved Halloween and dressing up, but who could ever hope to top the lesbians of the group in ingenuity, honestly?

At the fifth time they ran into the same chainsaw guy Otto sighed heavily.

“Du-HUCK’UK!-uude!” Otto exclaimed angrily. His hiccups had gotten worse as his startle reflex had been triggered for the umpteenth time.

“Man,” the teenager behind the mask said as he hoisted his chainsaw a little, his arms probably getting tired from running it so often, “you guys kind of suck at this.”

Otto barely held Atticus back by their collar as they yelled and charged at him with their ax in the air threateningly. Despite the size difference between Atty and teenager and the fact that the teen’s weapon was way more potentially dangerous than the plastic prop, the teen stumbled back nervously.

“Guys!” Mark’s voice yelled from a distance. “This way! We already made it to the end and gotten hot cider!”

“How HUCK! How’d y-HUCK’M!HILK!-you find us HNGK!?” Otto asked.

“Seriously?” Atticus asked, deadpanned.

Even though Otto’s hiccups weren’t hard or deep, they had been steadily increasing in loudness. At this point it would’ve been a wonder if the whole maze wasn’t aware of their location.

“Are you kidding?” Mark responded, voice coming closer as his cloaked form became more visible. “Your hiccups are like a homing beacon. C’mon. You guys look...um...let’s just get you some hot apple cider, huh?”

Could Mark see the murder in Atticus’ eyes? Was the tired face of Otto making his natural born features and wolf makeup look even more feral than usual? Or was it his detective ability to innate a person’s well-being from posture and micro expressions that made Mark change his jovial nature to one of subduing his friends with gentleness, instead? Regardless, Mark patiently led the couple to the shed and the sweet smell of hot cider filled their noses as Otto suppressed his hiccups in the closer company of strangers who were also cold, exhausted, and just finding their way to the exit at last.

Otto's body jerked as his hiccups thrummed through him while they waited in line for the cider. They were audible even while he closed his lips tightly to them, croaking in his throat. He had flashes of annoyance and winces effort it took to hold them in come across his face which Atty could see even under the makeup.

So, Atticus continued to offer comfort any way they could by rubbing his back and hugging him close. Did it also service them to feel every movement his hiccups made? Perhaps a little. Otto was at least cognizant of the dual meaning to the gestures as he took them under his arm so they could get nearer to his body for both warmth and other reasons.

“This is probably HMMK!-probably gonn—na make them woERMK!-worse,” Otto admitted to Atticus as he held the paper cup between his hands, “but I’m sHMP!-uh, so cold. And th—this smells HMPK’UH-so good.”

Atticus smiled at him as he rubbed his back in response. He’d been a trouper with his hiccups continuing the entire way to and within the maze. He’d lost them for a few minutes before they entered the maze but at the first scare, they were back, much to the amused delight of everyone else.

When the couple got the picnic table everyone else was sitting, they withstood the teasing of their combined ineptness at navigating a children’s corn maze and concern at Otto’s sped up hiccups as he sipped the hot spiced cider.

“It’s HUP!-the ci—der HMK!MP! ma—making thIMP!them wor—rse. HIMK! I’m just so—so col—ld I dMK!don’t ev—even caHMP!re! It’s HIP’K!-uh, re—really goUMP!good, too!” he explained.

Atticus had casually leaned their arm against his belly and reveled in feeling the soft warm jostling of his belly under his jacket.

“Jeez, man!” Mark said and rubbed his friends back. “Breathe!”

Otto rolled his eyes and shook his head. He wanted to retort something, but it just wasn’t worth the effort.

“Did you all like the corn maze at all?” Margie asked, question pointed at Atticus due to Otto’s temporary hiccup-induced non-verbality. The Bono wig and Kermit mask were removed.

Cindy, however, somehow still managed to look flawless in her long black wig, prosthetic latex pig nose, and perfect makeup.

Atticus shrugged, feigning casualness.

“There were some highlights,” they said. “I scared the shit out of that teenager with the chainsaw.”

Atty specifically didn’t say, ‘I got to watch and hear my husband with an amazing case of hiccups while he was donning fuzzy ears and a cute little tail.’

“He was a brat,” Cindy confirmed. “Margie punched him.”

“In the arm…” Margie said sheepishly. “He oinked at her…”

“I am dressed up as a pig, sweetie,” Cindy said, smartly. She’d heard worse about her weight and identity in her life. But she was touched to have a partner who stood up for her so strongly despite.

“Well I was dressed up as a frog and he didn’t ribbit at me!” Margie insisted.

“Fair point,” Mark said. “It’s technically against the rules to touch the performers but...he was an ass.”

When the conversation died down and the ciders were finished, they all made their way back to the van. Otto and Atticus almost fell asleep on the way back from the maze as they lounged in the back bench seat behind where Cindy and Margie were holding hands in front of them in the seats behind Mark driving and the passenger seat which had been relegated to holding all of their costume accessories. If it wasn’t for Otto’s persistent hiccuping the couple might have taken an actual nap.

When they were dropped off, Otto’s hiccups had finally slowed a little in signs of the case ending naturally. They both shed their costumes, showered, and convened in bed, Atticus snuggled against their husband to soak up the last of his hiccups. He was doing that thing where he grunted after each one and Atty wondered if he did it on purpose since they’d informed him they found it hot, or if the hiccups had gotten to the point where they warranted the grievance after such a long case.

“Happy mk! Halloween,” he murmured. “Glad I co—could give you a treat. Hmrk!-uh.”

“Hope they stop so you can sleep,” Atticus said.

“They wiHUH!-uh, they will,” he said.

“Kinda miss the ears…” Atty admitted after a moment. They’d been massaging Otto’s chest and stomach as they cuddled. They felt his laughter now softly thumping in his chest between another soft hiccup.

“Hm. Kinda miss the hu-uck!-uh,the ax!” he said grinning.

“Hm. I’ll...have to remember that!” they said.

Otto laughed before he sighed at the work Atticus’ hand was doing to loosen his muscles.

Eventually they were both asleep as Otto’s hiccups gave up the ghost, so to say. In the morning, they vowed to never go to a corn maze ever again. But Otto did make a special trip out to pick up some spiced apple cider.

[bee-dot-exe]

Thank you for putting the idea out there and letting me make something out of it @miscellaneousplusmore, and thank you for being our messenger lol @disfrutalakia, enjoy!

Make A Wish

Sad. But kinda sweet too. No trigger warnings.

856 words

It was still dark out, a collection of freckles were painted on the blanket of indigo above, as Richarlyson began the day when his internal alarm went off.

He stretched, the joints in his arms popping slightly, he shook his head of fluffy hair, and rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

He put on the prosthetic for the lower half of his leg, and walked over to his siblings that had spent the night, shaking their arms gently to rouse them.

Once they were all awake, at least enough for them to walk to a different location, Empanada and Pepito got ready for the day, Richas grabbed his backpack, held both of his siblings hands, and they were off.

They came up on a lone bench looking onto the shoreline of the frozen sea.

Richarlyson pulled off his backpack and the siblings took to unpacking and setting up.

There was a small cake with an unlit candle that was sitting on a circular tray and covered by a lid for traveling's sake as well as some paper plates and plastic silverware, three balloons for each of them to blow up and some spiderweb string to tie them on after, and of course a notebook and pen for each of them to use for communication.

When they were finally set up and had settled on the bench, Pepito pushed their glasses slightly up the bridge of their nose to reach a tiny hand and rub their eye, and started to lay their head on Empanada's shoulder who was sitting in the middle.

"Just a bit longer, Pepito, look, the dark is going away now and the sun is starting to try and play peek-a-boo. Here it comes. Do you remember what to do?"

Empanada nodded and reached for the notebook, which Richarlyson passed.

"Say good morning to Bobby."

Richas nodded and smiled brightly.

"Yes! Here he is. Hi Bobby!"

Three little hands flew up and waved to the rising pale yellow orb and then Pepito reached for the notebook.

"Now Tío Forever?"

Richarlyson nodded his head in agreement.

The children spent the next section of time waving until the sun had fully appeared.

Then Richarlyson blew just a whisper of fire from his mouth to light the candle on his cake and cut a small piece for each of them.

After that, Richas and Empanada decided to take turns writing to each other, while the youngest trio member got a bit more caught up on chasing dreams.

"Feliz anniversario, Richas."

"Thanks Emmy."

They sat in silence for a moment before Richarlyson wrote again.

"Aren't you gonna ask what I wished for?"

"But then it won't come true."

"I don't know if it would come true anyway."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Well don't give it away just in case, you never know, we can keep our fingers crossed!"

"Alright, thanks Em, you're a good sister."

"And you're a good brother."

They held hands and let silence wash over them as the sun rose higher into the cerulean ocean above.

The siblings stayed there together until late afternoon, writing and laughing and maybe eating a bit more cake, when Empanada and Pepito wanted to spend time with their tío's or parental figures.

Of course Richarlyson let them, hugging them a final time, before sitting back on the bench.

It was moments like these when Richas wished he could speak, could scream, could do anything besides giggle or exhale in frustration or something.

But he could write.

"Hi Pai. Maybe you know this, maybe you forgot, but it's my birthday.

And even though you didn't act the same when we saw each other last and you did some not really good things, I know you're still in there somewhere.

I wish I was spending today with you. That's what I thought when I blew out my candle. Just a few minutes.

I miss you. A lot. And I hope you come back from wherever you are. But I know you might not.

I love you, Pai."

By the time Richas finished his letter, the sun was just beginning to tuck itself in with a tangerine and rose and cornflower blanket.

He waved goodbye to Bobby, and to pai Forever, and to his birthday.

His eyes started to droop as the day finished taking its toll and he settled on the bench.

Before he could get completely comfortable though, Richarlyson felt a pair of arms lift him up and settle him into their chest.

Their clothing was soft, their long fingers gently tangling with his mass of fluffy hair, they smelled ever so slightly of burning matches.

"Hi Richas."

It was Tío Bad.

"How long have you been here, hm, what all did you do today?"

In lou of a verbal answer, or a written one, his mouth stretched in a yawn.

"Yeah, I feel ya, let's go get some sleep, okay?"

He nodded into his tío's chest, wrapped his arms around Bad's upper torso, and they headed to the mega base.

Richarlyson's letter waiting for the return of who it was addressed to as the flecks of paint returned to the sky.

[bloody-bee-tea]

24 Days of Satosugu 2023 Day 2 - Current

Suguru sighs when he hangs up the phone. His parents have invited them over for a weekend again. It’s not that Suguru doesn’t like it, isn’t appreciative of the way his parents have fully embraced his and Satoru’s relationship but they just returned from a weekend stay there two days ago.

They can hardly go back again so soon.

“What’s got you all troubled?” Satoru asks, leaning over Suguru’s back to check his phone. “Your parents? Everything okay?” 

Suguru can hear real worry in his voice and just for that he presses a kiss to Satoru’s cheek.

“Everything’s good,” Suguru replies and puts his phone down. “They want us to come spend the weekend with them.”

“We literally just returned from there. My bag isn’t even unpacked yet,” Satoru snorts out with a laugh and Suguru laughs as well.

“I know,” he sighs out, reaching behind himself to poke Satoru into the side. “And you really should get to it one of these days.”

“One of these days I will,” Satoru promises and nuzzles Suguru’s cheek. “So, are we going back?”

“Not as long as you haven’t unpacked,” Suguru replies because he refuses to have several unpacked bags loitering in their apartment.

“So never,” Satoru gravely says. “It was nice knowing your parents.”

“You are such a menace,” Suguru fondly says and captures Satoru’s lips in a real kiss. “No, but seriously. Would you want to go back so soon?” Suguru asks, because he knows his parents can be a bit much, even though they clearly adore Satoru, and Suguru would completely understand it if Satoru doesn’t want to spend every other weekend at their place.

“I mean, it’s not as if it’s a hardship. Your parents are awesome. And they clearly adore me, just like they should, so sure.”

“Yeah, they really should adore you,” Suguru seriously gives back, even though he damn well knows that Satoru was just joking. “Because you make me happy.”

“Suguru,” Satoru whines out very predictably because he gets like this when Suguru says things in that earnest way. “Don’t say that.”

“Why not? It’s true after all. You make me happy. Very happy. Because I love you.”

Satoru is hiding his face away in Suguru’s neck, but even like this Suguru can feel how hot his skin burns and he knows that Satoru must be bright red in the face.

“I love you, too,” Satoru gives back, never one to let the sentiment go unreturned and Suguru sinks his hand into Satoru’s silky soft hair.

“So, let’s go back. Soon-ish. Maybe in two weeks?”

Satoru hums his consent. 

“Make it like a monthly thing? Then your mother doesn’t always have to call with a pretence.”

“Oh, it’s not my mother who is the instigator of this,” Suguru corrects Satoru, because he knows very well that his father is the driving force behind the frequent invites.

“Wait, really?” Satoru finally comes back out of hiding and Suguru takes that opportunity to pull him around so he can hug him properly.

“Really. Mom is thrilled, of course, but I think she’d be okay with the occasional call. Dad’s the one who would want us to move in with them, if he had a say in that.”

There’s a beat of silence.

“I love your parents, but please don’t move us in with them,” Satoru then very seriously says as if that could ever be an option and Suguru laughs.

“Not a chance in hell. I’m not giving up my home with you here to have my parents meddle in my relationship.”

“Aw, you like your home with me, huh?” Satoru asks, as if Suguru doesn’t tell him frequently just how much he loves him, as if he really needs to fish for compliments like that.

“Of course I do. And I’m not trading it for anything. My parents will have to settle for a weekend a month.”

“Deal,” Satoru whispers and presses close, moves as close to Suguru as he can. 

“Deal,” Suguru agrees, pressing kiss after kiss to Satoru’s head and silently wonders just what he did to get so lucky in life.

~*~*~

Suguru knew that something was up the moment Satoru stepped out of their bedroom, a look of gloom on his face and it’s just thanks to Suguru’s quick reflexes that he is able to stop Satoru from throwing his phone on the ground.

“What’s going on?” Suguru asks as he carefully takes the phone out of his hand, moving it to the side so he can hug Satoru.

“I have to go home for a few days,” Satoru mutters, his voice empty of any feeling and Suguru presses his lips together. 

Satoru doesn’t speak much about his family, which causes Suguru to believe that his parents aren’t that great, but the few times Suguru dared to ask about them, Satoru blocked him right off. If he’s being honest, Suguru doesn’t know anything about Satoru’s parents and sometimes that makes him wonder.

“For how long?” Suguru asks and Satoru pushes away from him, not meeting his eyes.

“Dunno, a few days,” he repeats, with the same empty voice as before and Suguru tries to reach out for him, but Satoru moves out of the way of his searching hand. Suguru’s heart feels as if it’s breaking for a moment.

“Do you–want me to come?” Suguru asks even though he can read the answer right off Satoru’s face.

“No,” he immediately gives back, with a vehemence Suguru wasn’t prepared for and the force of Satoru’s answer makes Suguru take a step back in surprise.

“Satoru,” he tries but falls silent when Satoru whirls around to him, his eyes blazing.

“No, Suguru. I don’t want them to meet you!”

Loving Satoru is like being swept away by a current; usually, Suguru is fine with going wherever Satoru wants to take him but sometimes, just sometimes, it feels as if he’s going to drown. Like right now.

“You don’t–want them to meet me,” Suguru repeats because he doesn’t understand. “You don’t want me to meet your parents.”

“Yes, you’ve got a problem grasping that concept?” Satoru bites out and Suguru takes another step back.

“No, I get it,” Suguru whispers out, even though he doesn’t, he doesn’t understand anything anymore.

He thought he and Satoru were good.

“Great. I need some ice cream,” Satoru then decides and whirls around on his heels, storming out of the door without a look back.

The apartment feels very empty and very cold all of a sudden.

“I see,” Suguru whispers into the emptiness of the room and then turns around and walks straight into their bedroom where he curls up in bed.

He doesn’t know where he went wrong, what he did wrong to make the idea of Satoru’s parents meeting him so revolting to Satoru and he’s not sure if he can fix it if it’s been going on for the entirety of their relationship.

They’ve been together for almost two years now; the thought that Suguru is somehow lacking enough that Satoru can’t even introduce him at home makes a sharp, hot pain shoot through him.

Suguru hides his face in the pillow and curses the ache that settles in his chest when all he smells is Satoru.

They’ll have to talk about this, Suguru knows that, but he’s not looking forward to it. With how Satoru just stormed out on him, it’s probably going to end in a huge fight and Suguru doesn’t want to do that. 

He just hopes he can find out what he can do to make himself worthy to get to know Satoru’s family.

~*~*~

“What are you doing?” Satoru asks, as he tears the blanket off Suguru, who hisses at him in surprise.

He must have dozed off because he didn’t even hear Satoru come back in, but now that he’s standing right there, tub of ice cream in his hand and spoons in the other, Suguru remembers what made him flee to the bed.

“Satoru, we have to talk,” Suguru says as he sits up, pushing his hair out of his face, and Satoru goes pale almost immediately.

“What? Are you going to break up with me?” he asks, his voice already wobbly and Suguru hates that look on him. 

He always wants to see Satoru happy.

“What did I do wrong?” Satoru wants to know before Suguru can even open his mouth, clearly deciding that it’s something he must have done and Suguru is quick to shake his head.

“Nothing, Satoru, I’m not going to break up with you, not unless you want me to,” Suguru rushes to reassure him, but he must still have said something wrong because the colour won’t return to Satoru’s face.

“Unless I want you to? Did you do something unforgivable?” He pauses for a moment and Suguru can tell that he’s hyping himself up to ask the next question. “Did you cheat on me?” His voice wavers and Suguru reaches out to pull Satoru into his arms.

“Of course not, Satoru, I would never, I love you too much for that.”

“Then what? What is it?” Satoru demands to know and Suguru wonders if he should have started this talk differently.

“Listen, before, you said you don’t want your parents to meet me.” It still stings to say that out loud but Suguru needs to know what he did wrong. “Is it something I did?”

“What? Suguru, what are you even talking about?”

“It’s just–I’ve never met your parents, not in all the time of our friendship. I know you don’t like to talk about them, mostly, but you also never outright say anything against them. And I just can’t help but to wonder–did I do something wrong to make you not want them to meet me? Or is it–have they been giving you a hard time because of me?”

“I am so, so sorry,” Satoru says and moves away from Suguru to cup his face in both of his hands. “Nothing at all is wrong and you are perfect. I’m sorry I phrased it like that.”

“Explain it to me, then, Satoru, please,” Suguru whispers out, circling Satoru’s wrists with his hands, holding on and making Satoru keep his hands right where they are.

“I don’t want them to meet you because they don’t deserve it,” Satoru says and his words make Suguru blink in surprise.

“What?”

“Let’s lay down, okay?” Satoru asks and doesn’t wait for Suguru’s answer, before he lays down on the bed, pulling Suguru down with him, so his head rests over Satoru’s chest. 

His heartbeat is very steady and a soothing balm to Suguru’s soul.

“Your ice cream?” Suguru can’t help but to ask because he knows how much Satoru hates melted ice cream but he hears Satoru shake his head.

“Not important right now. You’re important,” he replies and just like that, Suguru knows that Satoru really loves him.

There are very few things he would abandon ice cream for.

“Explain then?” Suguru asks carefully when Satoru stays quiet for a bit too long and his entire body heaves with the sigh Satoru lets out.

“I haven’t seen my parents in years,” Satoru starts with and it’s surprising enough that Suguru wants to sit up to look at Satoru, but Satoru keeps his head right where it is with a hand in his hair. “When I say I go home, I mean I go home to a house filled with service staff, to sign some updated documents about the company with a lawyer or get a letter of complaint handed to me by a butler. My parents are the definition of absent and they do not deserve to know anything about my life except where I live and my phone number.”

“You haven’t seen them in years?” Suguru whispers out and Satoru scratches his scalp.

“It’s always been like that. I saw them a bit more often when I was younger, but that was mostly so that they could check on my progress in school. I was raised by the staff they kept in the house.”

Suguru knows of course that Satoru is the heir to a ridiculously huge and successful company, but he never thought to look further into it, mostly because Satoru so very clearly doesn’t care about that. He shamefully has to admit that it never even occurred to him to ask further into Satoru’s home life past the off-handed questions he sometimes asked.

“I am so sorry,” Suguru breathes out, wriggling around until he can sling his arms around Satoru’s chest. “I didn’t know.”

“I don’t care,” Satoru easily gives back. “Not anymore. And besides. Your parents are more than making up for it.”

Suguru had wondered about that, if he’s being honest. Satoru had seemed so confused the first few times they visited Suguru’s parents and then he had leaned into that with a passion Suguru couldn’t understand.

But it all makes sense now.

“I don’t even want to meet people like that,” Suguru decides because Satoru is right. 

These people don’t deserve to meet Suguru and they certainly don’t deserve to see Satoru happy. 

“That’s what I thought,” Satoru teasingly gives back and tugs on Suguru’s hair. “I’m sorry I didn’t explain it better before, I didn’t think.”

“No, I might have jumped to conclusions really fast,” Suguru admits and scoots up until he can press his forehead against Satoru’s. “I shouldn’t have spiralled like that and talked to you first, anyway.”

“Not gonna lie, you did scare me there for a second,” Satoru breathes out and Suguru presses an apologetic kiss against his lips.

“Sorry.”

“I’m sorry, too,” Satoru replies and Suguru nods.

“And with that we leave it behind us,” he decides. “Maybe we’ll visit my parents next week again, though.”

“I won’t have unpacked by then,” Satoru warns him and Suguru laughs before he presses a kiss to his cheek.

“I’ll allow it this one time. Because I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Satoru says and slings his arms around Suguru’s neck, leaning in for another kiss, which Suguru is happy to grant him.

By the time they remember the ice cream, it’s a lost cause.

[puppypeter]

(Roy's parents anon again!! Loved your response, as per usual 💕💕)

What I found really intriguing about the potential dynamic of Roy and his parents come from three main factors:

1) Obviously, his closeness with his grandad. Already sets up an interesting family dynamic, and given it was never fully expanded on, there is LOTS of ways to explore this. Did Roy's grandad move in with them because he was sick? Was it actually ROYS parents who had to move in with his grandad because they were struggling financially (he did live in a council estate)? How would this subversion of the usual nuclear family dynamic impact Roy's childhood?

2) the fact that he is obviously close with his sister, despite the real likelihood of not growing up with her in the traditional sense because of his time at Sunderland, but NEITHER of them seem to reference their parents. This more than anything is what got me initially intrigued, because that sort of sibling relationship when you're sort of united against your parents speaks to a more combative or at least contentious relationship. (I also loved how you mentioned his relationship with Phoebe -- there's an interesting angle there that Roy's attentiveness to Phoebe's needs, not just material but ESPECIALLY emotional, could be a means of Roy healing his inner child. I TOTALLY agree that Roy came from a, while not outright abusive, but DEFINITELY emotionally neglectful household).

3) Roy's reaction to Jamie's close relationship to his mom. Now, I know the Watsonian reason was because the show was sort of amping up the whole 'mommys boy' thing and Roy's clear shock and fascination was just meant to exacerbate the joke, but MY reason is deeper than that!!! Because I think it implies that Roy cannot even fathom that type of physical/emotional closeness with his own parents, especially as an adult -- and isn't there a lot to unpack there!!!

I really think there's so much potential here, particularly when it comes to navigating the grey area of "how can I emotionally connect with my parents as an adult when I didn't really grow up with them and they are practically strangers to me?" Especially if your parents weren't outright abusive, AND worked very very hard to provide for your material needs (but neglected your emotional ones), so you have to grapple with the guilt of feeling OBLIGATED to have a relationship with them, while simultaneously feeling resentful of this obligation BECAUSE of your lack of intimacy with them.

Thanks for indulging me, I know this is a sort of niche character interest, particularly because it relies so much on speculation, but your engagement is super encouraging and fun!! ✨✨✨✨

super late on this one too sorry!!! gonna put it all under the cut

I do like the idea that maybe grandpa was sick and just trying to protect him from seeing him like that (you know how i say dog!roy would be a german shepherd and i can confirm they do that too! they hide away from the owners to not let them see them pass in case you fancied a cry!). But the one less mouth to feed/money coming in also very much suits their situation.

There's definitely loads to explore on how his relationship with his sister is so close despite being apart growing up. So many ways it could've gone, whether they got in touch more when he was at Chelsea or later after she got pregnant and had to deal with her shitty husband. Also all depends on how old we think they are! He doesn't mention a baby sister when talking about going to Sunderland so are we assuming she is at least 10 years younger? I absolutely love his relationship with Phoebe and especially how honest and open and vulnerable he is with her - perhaps it's exposing, sure, but not as much as with adults? or maybe he knows she is candid and honest right back and will tell him the truth? I literally was rewatching and made a post about them just the other day > here

Honestly as a roy-shaped-girlie I also took the Georgie&Jamie scene as a wtf you hug your mum like that? with a hint of jealousy. Cause I didn't grow up with physical affection (maybe besides when I was very little) but I don't really cuddle or hug with my parents? So I was also weirded out (not in a puritan way some people were, more in a I wasn't really exposed to this level of intimacy ever). Your added point legit sounds like what I expect my therapist to say to me this week lmao Like I like them because they are my parents but we're not really close? I imagine they obviously know what Roy does etc (especially his dad) and they might talk about "work" but it's like they don't talk about it to listen? The obligation kind of comes full circle back to Jamie being in a somewhat similar position of "I know my dad is a dick but he's my dad"

[sailorblossoms-snowbaz]

Expectations really did kick Baz’s ass in ways that are wild yet... funny? somehow? (This is rant is a messy compilations of thoughts, some I’ve already shared here. If you decide to read this, godspeed)

I think about the rat hunting date, when Baz asks Simon, “you had sex with your gf, right?” – now, I’ve seen Baz being portrayed all blushy like “whaaat? i can’t get over this, tmi” or something, but I don’t think that’s it. Baz has thought about Simon sexually and has had Sexual Urges for years. When he asks this... he has already put 2 and 2 together in his head: “surely Simon would be the same with the only person he has ever wanted” – because that’s how he thought! In CO, Baz tells you that he believes Simon has only ever wanted Agatha the entire time he has known him. Baz was fully expecting Simon to reply “yeah, we did it, I liked it, it was good” and whatever. When Baz is like “that’s good” he’s operating on the assumption that sex is something to be congratulated for. Something The Bros hi5 each other over because it’s good and mind-blowing and shit (given how Dev talked to him about sucking cock, Baz is probably familiar with these scene). He was fully prepared to be like “I don’t like this, but there you have it: you were attracted to a girl, now you are attracted to me. That’s bisexuality.” It would have been the “easy” and “simple” scenario, but the opposite happenes. 

The reason Baz chokes all over rat's blood is not because he’s surprised by “yes, this thing happened” but likely 1. timing (he’s at his most vulnerable, doing something he associates with shame, Simon sharing this is the same) 2. it’s different to assume and to hear it being confirmed out loud. That whole exchange about Simon being like “I thought you knew” “I did, mostly” or something has to be about expectations and assumptions. There’s no way Baz would know for sure – these bitches were not talking about this. It makes the most sense that Simon, aware of expectations for boys like him and long-term relationships and a shit ton of other comphet bullshit and who he was supposed to be and be doing etc etc would be like “If I know, if I’m aware of these things, Baz would know too, he’s a smart cookie” and Baz is indeed aware. 

However!! Baz is dead wrong about a couple of things: 

1. He is the only person Simon has ever wanted (Simon tells us in WS! In italics! as if he needs to correct past assumptions that he ever wanted someone else before Baz!) This is where Simon gets the closest to voice this to him. in ways that are more romantic (“nothing I’ve ever experienced compares to you”) but perhaps less direct than explicitly thinking about sex with Baz and going “yep Baz is the only one I’ve ever wanted like this” (the only person he has ever actually wanted to have sex with) (If Baz thought Simon was only into Agatha while in school, it means Simon never showed actual romantic and/or sexual interest in anybody) (that’s not Baz)

2. The assumption that sex is always good/something to congratulate someone over (he should know better by this point... baby we’re going to get you a therapist to unpack those insecurities one of these days!) and that sex is confirmation of attraction, which Simon shuts down immediately (on both accounts!). This is what kicks Baz’s ass when he’s choking all over blood. That Simon is like “what the fuck are you congratulating me over? hell no, get this away from me” while kicking walls and trying to direct the conversion from something uncomfortable and unsexy (comphet sex) to something very sexy for Simon (Baz hunting. Baz covered in blood. Baz doing a little murder.) 

Now, Simon doesn’t outright say: “comphet sex sucks in such complex and confusing ways – this was a bad experience for me that I’m only now beginning to unpack, but I would rather not unpack it because it unsettles the shit out of me. While lots of us go through confusing and unsettling shit in the process of figuring ourselves out, I do not understand what it means that I chose to do this thing when I didn’t experience attraction, nor did I actually want it.” But it’s there, trust me. (Or don’t trust me. You’re welcomed to go through my little blog to find me unpacking this with examples and specific paragraphs and all that nerdy shit. Most of it it’s said without Simon outright saying it). 

“It was just going through the motions” is truly all you need to say it sucked ass (I feel like that winnie the pooh meme when I read “sex was good for them” in any way shape or form like... do we know what going through the motions means. Do we know it’s indicative of not being into it. Nerve endings and whatever stimulations are not necessarily going to override the negativity if your mind and emotions are not into it. Simply sticking something in a warm place is not good enough!) But Simon saying “it was fine” is more notable to me because, first of all, “fine” can be negative or positive depending on context. In a scale of things that are supposed to be super good and mind-blowing or whatever, “fine” is “meh” – it’s dismissive! it’s indicative of dissapoinment, even! shit could be much better than this! Also, “tis but a scratch” is Simon: 

Don’t wait for him to say “it sucked ass” to be sure it sucked ass!! Anyway, going back to Bazzy-boy: this is part of what Simon is communicating to him in ways that might be confusing and are certainly surprising to Baz. None of what Simon tells him is the “easy” or “simple” scenario. Baz doesn’t expect all this confusion – things are pretty clear for him (he has known himself/his sexuality for a long time now). Even the wrong things seem clear – though in his defense, Baz’s wrong assumptions are pretty normal assumptions. 

3. Simon is telling him that he wasn’t attracted to the one person Baz thought Simon had been into his entire life is important to note because Baz has actual programming he has to actively work against here. The only times Simon has ever pushed himself to process and then voice all the ways in which his past relationship was wrong were in the presence of Baz. Because Simon wants Baz to know. 

4. Going back to Baz having normal yet wrong assumptions... I really do mean it when I say Simon is trying to change the subject from unsexy to sexy haha. Baz assumed Simon would be normal about romance and sexual attraction, but he’s hit with “me doing a little murder is my declaration of love for you” “slaying a chimera in hindsight is totally a romantic thing, didn’t that give my love for you away?” “obviously there’s no heterosexual explanation for me showing up at all your football practices. let me say i didn’t like in 5th year and I still don’t like you anyway, like a damn liar”  “actual sex with my past gf? unsexy as hell, i’ll take no further questions thank you” “it’s very sexy when you hunt” “I want to kiss your bloody mouth with your fangs out, who the fuck cares about the plague!”

[ofekma]

I think that while Rose being gone helped Pearl be more independent and grow as a person, it wasn't necessary for her to go away for Pearl to reach that state.

Pearl's low self esteem and the fact that she was literally made to serve others made her latch into every big strong gem she loved and admired. Who she hoped would compensate for what she lacked and make her feel complete. Bismuth, Garnet, Rose. Things she struggled to come with but never fully unpacked until Sardonyx.

Add that to her overwhelming romantic love and devotion to Rose, love that she herself defined as "And I'm not yours, but, I make you so happy anyway!" and to her genuine belief in Rose's vision for a better future on Earth, and you'll see that as far as Pearl came, learning to build robots and swordfight and pillow spaceships and thousands other things,

She still defined herself as Rose's lover. Rose's knight, Rose's confidant, the one who knew everything about her, the one she trusted the most, the one she loved the most.

Their relationship was way different than a diamond and her Pearl, but it was still influenced by it. As even though Rose tried to make it equal by going as far as 'kill' her old self, he'd Diamond self, in order for Pearl and her to start over as equals, Pearl's baggage thst I listed above still made her put Rose above herself.

There's a high chance that she would have done that to Rose even without the whole diamond stuff, but it likely helped. Pearl idolized her. Even seeing so many of her flaws she accepted her fully and loved her for the transformation she went through, for becoming the version of herself she always wanted to be, and encouraging Pearl to go through a similar transformation herself. Pearl idolized Rose the way many people who are heads over heels idolize their crush, or the way people with low self esteem idolize people they look up to..... But, her being a pearl likely made it easier, to develop those tendencies and lean into them.

As much as they both tried, their relationship wasn't as equal as they wanted it to be. And a part of it was Pearl, and a part of it was Rose.

After Rose lost her first pearl, she was so scared to love again. To hurt someone again. And this fear guided her in everything she did. It made her transform her powers from ones of destruction to ones of healing, because she wanted to be a person who heals and grows and brings life. How fitting that her end was in the bringing of a new life for this world. But this fear is what made Rose close parts of her from everyone else, including Pearl. Parts of herself and mistakes she made she felt like she had to run away from and to bury deep down because she didn't know how else to deal with. She was never taught.

"There's one last thing I need to do. No one can ever find out we did this. I never want to look back. So, for my last order to you as a Diamond, please, let's never speak of this again. No one can know."

In a way, she likely thought she was doing Pearl some sort of a favor. If Pearl can never refer to her as her diamond anymore, then surely their relationship would be equal from now on. A fresh start. But in the end, her fear of confronting the past and her need to get away from it locked Pearl into an order she physically couldn't break. And how can any relationship be fully healthy when one of its member did something like that to the other?

Rose didn't tell Pearl about her original pearl. Just like how she never told the other crystal gems thst she used to be Pink Diamond. Deep down she had this fear that they wouldn't love her if they knew the truth. They would see her as "the monster she really was" (more accurately, the monster she *felt* she was).

And all those things led Rose to hide more and more things from Pearl, to keep even the closest person to her in an arm's length somewhat, to have no one she could be fully vunrable with.

And all the other gems idolized Rose in one way or another, which increased the pressure on Rose to never fully rely on them, to keep hiding and lying and covering up the truth and running away to maintain this idolized picture because she can't let them down, she can't let them know the truth, they'd *hate* her, they'd leave her alone!

Greg must have been such a breath of fresh air in that regard. He idolized her at first, but in "we need to talk" he broke the pattern and treated her as an *equal*. The stairs he used in order to meet her at her level and look her in the eyes are a good visual metaphor for this: Greg wanted to be taken seriously. He wanted to communicate and commit. He knocked Rose off the pedestal everyone including herself put her on. Even Pearl.

But he also understood her in a way almost no one else did. He came from a similar background after all. Leaving home, changing his name, reinventing himself, changing.

Rose admired change maybe as much as she admired life.

Gems are immortal and if they never get poofed, they look the same forever. They get made a full person, expected to be the same and do the sake thing forever.

But Greg... Greg is a human. They change all the time. He

Rose tried so hard to change but in the end she concluded that she failed. Rose tried to heal and help and grow but concluded that she failed. Biamuth. Jasper. The curropted gems. Spinel. Her original Pearl. The kintergarden where nothing else will ever grow. Rose looked back on her life and thought that she was a screw up and a fraud and a faliure. That she could never truly change. She was made a selfish diamond that destroys everything the touches and that's what she'll always be.

But Greg... Greg is a human. They change all the time. He changed in front of her own eyes! Physical changes like balding and growing a beard and emotional changes like becoming more mature after babysitting Sour Cream. He's like.... Everything she could never be. He kept surprising her and showing her little wonders she's never seen in all her thousands of years on Earth. He came from a similar background to her but his kindness was 'real'. And he never judged her when she told him about parts of her life. He also never dug in though, never asked, which let Rose only be as vunrable as she wanted to. She kept the really 'ugly' parts to herself.

So on the end, when the negetive feelings Rose felt and the burden she carried were too much for her to handle-she found an out. Steven. This way she could both take herself out of this world she believed she only caused damage to, and bring to it instead new life capable of growing, evolving, changing the way she never could. She'd be gone but she'd leave someone else for her family to love and cherish to feel the void she left.

And she underestimated how much she meant to them when choosing to do so, because she believed that in the end they'd be better without her. Unknowingly leaving them a broken family and her newborn son with a terrible burden to carry (and that's without even the Homeworld stuff Rose never imagined would ever come back).

But as tragic as it was, it forced Pearl to do something she never had to do before: define who she was without Rose Quartz.

For someone with such low self esteem and such strong devotion it was easy to define herself as a part of a couple, as only who she is for someone else. And it wasn't healthy. As a result, Rose dying left her not only aching and grieving, but with a full on existinal crisis.

She tried to fill this hole in her at least somewhat by lunching to other gems, specifically Garnet. But only the gems she felt were more confident, stronger and more expirianced than her (which is why she never did that to Amythest and Steven who she treated as people she needed to guide).

After Garnet made it clear to her that she refused to be used like that and that sometimes she had to rely on other people too instead of being the strong one all the time, Pearl had to learn how to find power in herself. This arc started before that in "strong in the real way" where Pearl knocked down Sugilite on her own despite being 'just a weak pearl'.

Over the course of the series Pearl never abondoned Rose's vision or stopped loving her (and nither should she), but she found out things that were only hers.

Friendships she made with local humans and human costumes she adopted to herself. Things she was made to do thanks to Steven being half human and having a close relationship with Beach City. When Rose was around Pearl mostly kept herself away from other humans since she saw no need to engage with them, but Steven took her out of her comfort zone over and over and with time she started to do it on her own.

Pearl's style also changed as the show passed to more masculine and with less pink, showing her development from her initial design as Pink Diamond's pearl.

Pearl found a lot of herself with Rose, but she could only find the rest once she was forced to think of herself as a part of a matching set.

The episode where Ruby and Sapphire broke up and Ruby discovered a love for comics and cowboys is a good example for that. Ruby and Sapphire self reflected and examined themsleves and who they were without each other. What they wanted and liked and who they wanted to be, only to choose to be together in the end of it, and more whole people this time.

They had to spend some time on their own but they didn't break apart forever. If Rose would have opened up and gotten help, if Pearl would have gotten a higher self esteem and dared to confront Rose a little more, maybe things would have been different.

Because Pearl and Rose really did love each other, and I think that they deserved to be happy together.