#we need more romcoms around middle aged couples

[blues-valentine]

Adam Brody and Kristen Bell in Nobody Wants This! Real chemistry is back! Real kisses are back! Series/Rom-Coms with adults navigating relationships instead of just teenagers are back!

[jakesimfromstatefarm]

how to fake date your best friend | jake sim

✰ summary: the rules were simple -

pretend to be the boyfriend of you, his best friend who wants the attention of their crush, for a week and a week only

no kissing (bc gross cooties amirite) allowed, unless needed in times of desperate measure 

and no matter what, absolutely, most definitely, do not fall in love. 

simple, right?

well apparently not. because news flash––jake's already broken one of the rules. 

and to give you a hint, it's neither rule 1 or 2.

✰ pairing: jake sim x y/n [ft. members of enha!] 

✰ genre: fluff, comedy | fakingdating!au, highschool!au, bestfriend!au, friends to lovers

✰ warnings: cursing, high-schoolers doing dumb highschool things, underage drinking (pls don’t actually do any of this irl), jake being a certified simp, it’s LONG (i’m so sorry), cheesy kithes bc im a sucker for kithes ( ˘ ³˘)♥

✰ wc: a whopping 9.5k

✰ a/n: it’s finally finished :’)))))) it ended up being much longer than i wanted but i had so much fun writing the characters that i got carried away lolol anywaysss i hope you guys enjoy it,,,i got a little unmotivated during the process bc i didn’t know if it was good or not but here it is heh (ෆ˙ᵕ˙ෆ)♡ 

Tuesday, December 8th

Jake Sim lives a simple life. 

He likes to think he leads the normal, stereotypical life of a teenage boy. Has decent grades, plays soccer after school, skateboards around the neighborhood, has a best friend who he’s desperately in love with, and has a stable group of friends. 

Okay, maybe not so simple, because this boy would physically launch himself to the moon and drill at its surface to collect moon dust for you if you asked him to––despite his deadly fear of combusting in outer space. 

But that fear doesn’t even compare to his worst one yet: not having you in his life. 

And so, he decided to just repress any and all feelings he’s had for you ever since he discovered them in middle school, when he realized he hated seeing you go to the eighth grade dance with a date––that wasn’t him. 

He decided that he wasn’t going to risk losing a life-long friendship over some dumb, teenage boy feelings. 

They were probably powered by his testosterone anyways. Yeah, that’s totally it.

He’s totally not in love with you. 

So yes, he lives a pretty normal life. Every day is the same as the last, and tomorrow will be the same as today. But he likes it like that––he doesn’t want anything to change. 

Especially not now, when he finds himself content with every aspect of his life (okay maybe except for his history grade, god, does he hate history). 

So, it catches him off guard when you arrive at the group’s usual lunch table, located outside in your school’s courtyard, looking as excited as ever. 

Jake’s the only one at the table so far. The remaining usually showed up late––Heeseung spends his first half of lunch tutoring freshmen for community service hours (but the poor boy has no idea what he’s doing), Sunghoon is probably stuck in line in the cafeteria again (he always forgets to pack his own lunch), and Jay is...well actually, no one ever knows where Jay comes from. He’s a special one. 

It catches Jake even more off guard when you skip over any greeting a normal person would give, and start speaking at one hundred words per second. 

And that catches us up to the present.

“Y-You want me to what?” Jake’s stuttering as you stare at him with your hopeful eyes from across the lunch table. 

Despite the expression planted on your face, which screams your excitement for your “brilliant, amazing, genius, Einstein-could-never” idea (or whatever other words you used to describe it––Jake can’t exactly recall the specific terms you used, they all came out of your mouth too fast), you don’t respond to his question of bafflement. You continue to stare at him, awaiting his response. Jake could compare the look on your face right now to a puppy looking up at its owner, eagerly waiting for a treat. You know, tongue out and all. 

He swallows the lump that’s lodged in this throat (is that the sandwich he’s having, or his nerves?) and continues to give you his look of confusion laced with a nervous smile because surely, you’re joking. 

You grab what’s left of your sandwich from his hands and take your own bite. Somewhere in between you arriving at the table and now, Jake’s managed to steal the sandwich you brought today. You did make the best chicken sandwiches, in his defense. 

“Well? It’s only for the week! And I promise you, after one week, if nothing happens––if he doesn’t make a move or anything––I’ll move on from him like you’ve been telling me to.” Your words are muffled from you savoring your sandwich, or what’s left of it anyways. (Mental note to self: don’t share your lunch with Jake ever again.) 

When Jake still doesn’t respond (you’ve truly gotten this poor boy paralyzed), you find it as a sign to continue. 

“I think it’s the perfect plan. Plus, if it doesn’t work out, it’ll be like the universe is telling me to finally move on, right?” 

Wrong. 

Jake has been encouraging you to move on from your crush because well, if we’re being honest here, he selfishly wants you to himself. Even if it wasn’t romantically.

Preferably, he would kill to get to be the one who holds your hand in the hall, call you cheesy pet names, post disgustingly cute couple pics for the ‘gram––but for the sake of potentially ruining his relationship with you, he’ll just have to settle with the role of being your best friend. 

(And he’s totally fine with that! Totally. Yup.) 

But he didn’t think that you moving on would only be a mere possible outcome (that may not even happen!) from whatever this stunt is you wanna pull. 

Said stunt: Pretend to date one another and hope it catches the eye of a certain someone you have your eye on: Park Sunghoon. 

Ah yes, Park Sunghoon. The previously mentioned one who’s probably still in line waiting to get his lunch as we speak. 

Park Sunghoon, the tall, kind, intelligent, charming young boy that everyone knows. And if anyone didn’t know him, they most definitely knew of him. He wasn’t hard to miss in the halls; everything about him just radiates perfection. 

If you plucked a random high-schooler from the halls of this school and interviewed them on the Park Sunghoon, they’d say you’d be lucky enough if the quiet boy so much as sparked a conversation with you, even if it was about what last night’s chemistry homework was. 

Well if that were true, then you and the rest of the boys would be considered lottery winners. 

How that happened, how the four of you dysfunctional beings earned his friendship, the world may never know. However, Jake is fully convinced that this was the universe’s way of playing a cruel joke on him. 

For as long as Jake could remember, it’s always been just the two of you. You and Jake. Jake and you. (With the exception of Heeseung and Jay, of course, who came along in middle school) 

In fact, your earliest memory of Jake was when he peed his pants in the kindergarten during nap time. You would know, you had the privilege of sharing a sleeping mat with him that one fateful day and in result...let’s just say the smell didn’t wear off from your clothes until a week later. Five-year-old you didn’t forgive five-year-old Jake for the longest time. 

And since then, you’ve been attached by the hip. And Jake liked it like that. Jake didn’t need anyone else in his life (with the exception of Leila) if he had you. He had found his home within you, and he didn’t plan on sharing his space anytime soon. 

Nevertheless, the universe had a completely different idea for the two of you. 

Sunghoon came into the picture last year, towards the end of the school year. Despite being the new kid, he found his way into your cherished friend group and naturally, the five of you grew as close as friends could be. 

That was the problem. Jake wanted to hate Sunghoon, to despise him for being the one that you had heart eyes for, but he couldn’t. 

Not only was Sunghoon one of Jake’s closest friends, but he didn’t want to ruin the dynamic of the friend group. After you, the three chaotic boys were the next most important people in Jake’s life. 

And so, we have the typical love triangle plot that every coming-of-age movie follows. Of course, this is all unbeknownst to you––you may be intelligent and a people-person, but oh boy can you not see the heart eyes your very own best friend has for you. 

“It’ll be easier than you think, really! Look, we can even set boundaries or rules or whatever,” you propose, as if you’re trying to get him to sign a contract. 

Rules to a fake relationship? We’re not living in a Netflix romcom, are we? 

“Okay rule number 1: it’ll only be for a week and a week only, rule number 2: we don’t have to do anything too couple-ly like...” you pause to wonder for a second. 

“Like PDA or anything! You know, unless we really need to convince him,” you casually add. When he responds with radio silence and stares at you with absolute concern painted all over his face, you cough. “Jake, I’m joking.” 

Right. Of course. Obviously. 

“And of course, just try not to fall in love with me, it’ll be hard, I know,” you send a playful wink his way. 

Too late. Turns out it’s not that hard. Jake would know. 

Jake continues to stare at you in hesitation. Yeah, you’ve had your fair share of crazy ideas (that Jake always find himself agreeing to––the poor boy just can’t seem to say no to you), but fake dating you?

Jake is sure he wouldn’t be able to pull it off without slowly destroying himself. He’d just have to say no, he’s sure you can find someone else to do it for you. 

Yes, that’s it, just say no. 

Jake has to keep some of his pride in tact. 

Jake does not say no. 

He doesn’t know what went wrong. His mind said one thing, but his words said another. 

To be fair, Jake’s actions have always been influenced by his heart, not his brain, anyways. And when it comes to you, you bet it’ll be coming from his heart. 

So here he was now, under the stare of three equally shocked and confused guys across from you and him at the lunch table, your fingers intertwined with his.

Just a few seconds ago, you had spotted the rest of the lunch bunch approaching the table, and you quickly grabbed Jake’s hand and scooted in closer to him.  

Now here you were, explaining to your friends of your sudden relationship.  

Jake is too zoned out to even physically pick up your explanation. Something along the lines of "we’ve been dating for a while but didn’t want to tell you guys yet." From the feeling of your hand clutched tightly into his and your body right up next to him, his mind was short-circuiting. 

How is he supposed to last an entire week of this if he couldn't handle innocent hand holding? Hand holding? God, what are we, back in the fifth grade?  

Two minutes into this scheme and Jake's mind has already downgraded itself to a fifth grader's.  

Jake mentally scolds himself for giving in, this was not a good idea. 

It takes Jake approximately 12 hours to conclude that this stunt of yours may, actually, be a good idea. He knows this because approximately 12 hours after the events surrounding lunch, he receives a text from you: 

y/n [12:03AM]: thanks again for doing this for me jake

y/n [12:03AM]: ur actually the best

y/n [12:04AM]: ew ok that was cheesy but really i owe u a big one <333

Following your thread of texts is a really close up photo of you widely smiling into the camera. A smile so big, Jake’s convinced your face was probably in pain after taking that picture. 

Anyone else might’ve thought the photo looked borderline insane but because Jake’s Jake, aka a simpᵗᵐ for you, he comes to the conclusion that it’s singlehandedly the cutest thing he’s ever seen in the entire world. 

After quickly saving the selfie into his phone, Jake tells himself that maybe this won’t be a bad thing after all. I mean, anything that makes you smile like that meant it has to be a good idea, right? 

Spoken like a true simp. 

Plus, dating you––fake dating you––is pretty much the same as it was before. He already spends most of his days with you to begin with. Now, it’s just with added displays of affection. For show, obviously. Obviously. 

And look, if Jake will never get to actually be with you, then he’ll take what he can get. And if that meant fake dating you, well, he reasons that it’s better than nothing at all. 

Wednesday, December 9th 

Jake’s playing with the rings on your right hand and you’re in the middle of dramatically telling the lunch table about the infuriating Karen you had to deal with at work the other day when Jay comes up with a grin you all know a little too well. 

“Okay that grin means one of two things: you finally grew the balls to ask out that poor girl you’ve been teasing all year or you have something planned that we won’t like,” you interrupt your story when you catch Jay’s sly expression, evoking a chuckle from Jake, who’s now found a new distraction with the bracelets perches on your wrist. 

“Excuse you, I’ll have you know that I did ask her out. It just so happens that she’s currently ‘in between boyfriends’ whatever that means. Ouch, by the way,” Jay feigns hurt from your comment by clutching the area above his heart through his shirt. Ever the drama queen. “But yes, I do have something planned. And no, it’s not a bad idea.” 

Jay squeezes his way in between Sunghoon and Heeseung from across you and begins to pull out his own lunch. Everyone’s eyes follow him as he settles in because as bad as his unknown idea may be, you’re all still curious on what this boy has to say. 

“Well are you going to elaborate or...” Heeseung speaks up for everyone after you all mentally debate one another through darting eyes on who’s going to have to bite Jay’s silent bait.

Jay then forcefully sets both hands on his table, which elicits a little jump from you as you go for a bite of your sandwich. Adorable, Jake tells himself. 

“My parents are out of town this weekend. We all know what that means...” 

Yes. We do know what that means. The four of you have seen this scenario play out many times, a little too many times for your own good. 

This meant one of Jay’s infamous house parties that he always throws whenever his parents go out of town. And because his parents are hot-shot CEOs of an important company whose name you don’t remember (it’s nothing personal, your brain can only handle so much information and this physics exam you were studying for took up 90% of your brain capacity at the moment), they’re out of town often. 

And along with Jay’s parties comes chaos. Lots of it. And that’s because...well, it’s safe to say that despite the many school-wide presentations the police officers of your school have held in the auditorium on why you shouldn’t drink underage, Jay’s parents’ liquor cabinet always seems to find itself missing many a few bottles after each party. But we don’t talk about that. Shush. 

Almost simultaneously, everyone at the table lets out a groan, much to Jay’s disappointment. 

“C’mon guys! It’s been a while since anything’s fun happened to this school, think of all the sad students in that building right now,” he extends a finger whole-ass arm and points at your school, “who are in dire need of fun and a little...” he punctuates his sentence with the hand motion of chugging down a drink, followed with a gulping sound elicited from his tongue clicking. 

You roll your eyes along with everyone else. Don’t be like Jay, kids. Listen to those police officers. 

“Jay, it’s midterm season! I have an exam on Monday and I definitely do not want to spend the nights before wasted,” you give him an apologetic look. As crazy as Jay is, you do feel bad nonetheless. The boy just wants to have fun. 

Your response is followed up with similar comments from around the table. 

“I’m helping y/n study” 

“I have an important skating performance on Sunday” 

“Uh...my hamster died?” (ok Heeseung panicked, don’t blame the guy)

Ignoring that last excuse of an excuse, Jay continues his debate nonetheless. “Just come for the sake of it! No one’s saying you have to get wasted. Pleaseeee for me?” 

Jay throws these parties so often, you’re not sure why he’s so set on making sure you’re all going to be there. Well, I guess who wouldn’t want their closest friends to be at their own party? 

That and, Jay needs to make sure his friends are there to stop him from doing anything stupid. We all know this boy has had enough embarrassing moments to last him a lifetime. 

Everyone at the table gives each other the same hesitant look. Heeseung is the first to give in, “Oh fuck it. Sure, count me in.” 

Jay’s fist pumping the air before turning to Sunghoon with the most hopeful eyes. 

Sunghoon simply sighs in return. “Alright okay, I’ll bite. But if you vomit on my shoes again, I’m out the door.” Jay’s finger is automatically drawing a cross over his heart as a promise to not ruin Sunghoon’s Nikes again. 

He then looks to you with puppy eyes. 

You, who's already staring back at Jay with a stoic look in your eyes, are stubborn and (unlike the previous weaklings) are not as easy to convince. And somehow, this began an unannounced staring contest between the two of you, a contest to see who would budge first. This isn't an uncommon occurrence between you and Jay, but the rest of the boys are still on the edges of their seats watching this duel.

Jake casually wraps an arm around your shoulder and you’re brought in close, but still undeterred from your death-stare match with the boy across from you. 

If it’s not obvious enough, Jake’s really gotten into his role of being your boyfriend, despite it only being 24 hours since he last froze at your touch. Character development, you’ll give him that. 

You almost forget he’s faking it for a quick second. And for an even quicker second, you imagine he wasn’t faking it. And you swear you feel butterflies in your stomach at that thought. 

Weird. 

You mentally shake the thought out of your head. Priorities first, aka, beating Jay in this staring contest. 

“Fuck,” you stutter when you finally blink, admitting defeat to a grinning Jay. “Okay, okay, I’ll THINK about it. I’ll let you know.” 

Not exactly the answer Jay was looking for, but he’ll take it. Better than a no. 

He turns to Jake next, knowing there’s no way Jake will turn down a party. Just like Jay, the boy loves himself a good party. 

But–

But because Jake would take your physics exam this Monday for you if you asked, because Jake would bungee jump in the Grand Canyon without a safety net below him if you asked, because Jake would fake date you to make your crush jealous for you if you asked, he doesn’t hesitate in his answer this time around: “Same as y/n, I’ll let you know.” 

Jay looks at Jake. Then back at you, who he’s still clinging onto like a koala to a tree. Then back at Jake. “You two are gross. Admittedly cute. But gross.” 

You look up at the boy next to you to see him already grinning at you. 

For the first time today, you find yourself agreeing with Jay. 

Admittedly cute. 

Thursday, December 10th 

You are having a bad day. 

You’re having the mother of bad days. 

Not only is it midterm season, but you still have all your regular weekly assignments to finish before Friday hits. So as a natural-born procrastinator does, you stayed up all last night trying to get a good amount of work done because what’s better than cramming all your work the night before it’s due? Doing it two nights before it’s due. 

Well apparently it wasn’t such a good idea. Because now, here you were, frantically throwing on whatever articles of clothing you find nearest to you because you slept through all your alarms. 

You’re lucky enough to make it through your school’s doors right as the second bell rings, even if you did look like you just walked straight out of a zombie apocalypse. 

You’re not so lucky when you find out your first class of the day, calculus, had a pop quiz. A pop quiz on the only unit you just happened to know absolutely nothing about. 

To top things off, you forgot to pack your lunch during this morning’s frenzy, meaning you’re automatically stuck sharing with Jake.

And because his mother started making him pack his own food out of a lesson of responsibility (she said something along the lines of: “Jake, you’re about to be in college and you don’t know how to pack a decent meal”), he only has a plain PB&J sandwich and a pack of Scooby-Doo gummies in his bag today (because newsflash, he still doesn’t know how to pack a decent meal). 

Not that you could care less at the moment, you were too preoccupied with catching up on your assignments to even eat. And if any of the boys noticed your zombie-like state during lunch, they did a good job of not mentioning it. They knew better than to bother an irritated y/n. 

Somehow, you make it through the entire school day and your after-school meeting for environmental club (save the trees!) in one piece. As you finally walk out of the school building, you exhale, automatically feeling lighter. At least the hard part of your day was done. 

Now you just had to wait for Jake to finish soccer practice, which usually ended around the same time as your club, and he can drive you home, where you can continue being irritated with your day in the privacy of your own space. 

You wait on the steps of the school’s entrance, waiting for a smiley Jake to come around the corner as he usually does at 5:30pm every Thursdays. 

Yes, a smiling Jake is exactly what you needed to make your day ten times better, you conclude. 

As if on cue, you hear a ding from your phone. 

Jake [5:30PM]: ugh coach is extending practice for “team bonding” 

Jake [5:30PM]: idek what team bonding is 

Jake [5:31PM]: you ok if i cant drive you today? :// 

It’s as if the universe decided to use you as its punching bag today. 

You physically let out a distorted groan, not caring if anyone who happened to hear you thought you were a creature from out of this world, as you send him a text back.

y/n [5:32PM]: it’s all good lol have fun with tEaM bOnDiNg

Things were not all good. But no matter how upset you may be, you weren’t going to project your negative vibes onto Jake’s naturally positive ones. So you get up from the stone steps and begin your dreaded walk back home. 

It’s freezing out. You should’ve known better to just throw on a hoodie and call it a day when it’s the middle of December. But then again, you figured by now you’d be in the comfort and warmth of Jake’s car and presence...not walking home in these freezing temperatures. 

You think about Jake and how he’s probably currently suffering from not only his team bonding exercises (but really though, what are team bonding exercises?), but doing them in this weather as well. The poor boy. 

You’re quickly broken out of your thoughts by the sound of a car engine from behind you. When you don’t see it pass by you and instead hear it pull over and park next to the curb of the sidewalk you’re currently on, you automatically deduce that this is it, this is my time, I’m about to get kidnapped by whoever it is behind me but y/n, you should probably turn around and check first before you drive yourself insane in this inner dialogue. 

You turn around and squint into the front window of the car. If it were a kidnapper, this is exactly what your mother told you not to do. Her exact words were: “Run, don’t look back, and scream bloody murder.” 

Good thing it wasn’t. Just an innocent Sunghoon waving his hand at you, motioning you to get in. 

“Sunghoon?” You approach his car and stop at the passenger side’s open window. 

“y/n! It’s freezing out, I’ll drive you home c’mon,” he nods his head towards the passenger side door. 

Well, how could you say no? Sunghoon owns a nice car. Like a nice car. Like car-seat-heaters-that-make-you-feel-like-you’re-physically-melting nice. Beats getting hypothermia outside, right? 

“Why are you going home from school so late?” You ask as you settle into his car, instantly melting at the touch of the aforementioned heated seats. 

“Debate club, actually. Decided I needed another personality trait other than ice skating,” he starts the engine and begins driving towards the direction of your neighborhood. 

You laugh at his comment, you didn’t peg him as a debate kind of student. Quiet Sunghoon? Debate club? If 2 plus 2 is four...

“Hey, I don’t call you the Ice Prince for nothing! Also, don’t forget your other personality trait: forgetting your lunch every day.” 

Sunghoon quickly glances over at you to send you a dirty look (because eyes on the road, kids!), which you return with a cheeky grin. “Need I remind you that was you today?” 

“Touché,” you click your tongue. 

The two of you fall into a comfortable silence, the faint sound of Sunghoon's music in the background filling in the quietness.  

You’re humming along until Sunghoon breaks the silence, “Did Jake get stuck at practice again?” 

You don’t know why, but you swear you feel your heart beat faster at the mention of Jake’s name. No, that was always there right? Because you were with Sunghoon...your crush..obviously. Obviously. 

Ignoring the feeling, you turn your attention towards the boy driving you. 

“Oh yeah, something about team bonding. How’d you know?” 

“Eh, I just figured since he wasn’t driving you home like he always does.” He turns into your neighborhood. 

You nod at his answer. 

“You two make a good couple.” 

You whip your head at him. Did you hear him correctly?

“It was about time, really. You two have been ogling at one another for so long, Heeseung, Jay, and I almost placed bets on who would be the first to make a move.” 

He keeps his eyes on the road, casually going on about how you and Jake make the cutest couple he’s ever seen. 

You're frozen, unsure of what to think, let alone say. 

You think to two days ago, when you started this entire fake relationship because of the very boy driving you home right now. The same boy who's complimenting you on your fake relationship. The same boy who's supposed to be jealous over that said relationship. The same boy you’re supposed to be crushing over.

But now...only a mere 48 hours later, you were finding yourself okay with the fact that he was happy for you. And for the life of you, you couldn’t remember why you liked Sunghoon in the first place. Not saying he isn’t one to be crushed on, I mean, look at the guy. 

Maybe, just maybe, it had something to do with the fact that you didn't feel nervous or giddy or..anything at all when you got into the car with Sunghoon. At least, not until Jake's name was mentioned. That's when you felt the butterflies. At the mention of Jake.  

Jake. 

Weird. 

But before you can come to a conclusion on why you're feeling the way you do, Sunghoon interrupts your thoughts.  

"Well, we're here! Say hi to your parents for me," he pulls into your driveway as you're still collecting your thoughts.  

You give him a quick thanks and one last wave as you enter the front doors of your house.  

Seeing that your only solution towards confusing feelings meant distracting yourself, distract yourself you did.  

Even if it meant distracting yourself with your piling assignments.  

The next time you look up from your work, it's suddenly way past sundown and a heavy storm has taken over. You’re surprised it hasn’t started flooding yet with the amount of rainfall you were hearing. 

You check the time on your phone, the bright 8:16PM on the screen illuminating your dimly lit room. Seeing that neither of your parents have yet to be home from work, it looks like you were going to have to settle with some instant ramen for dinner tonight.  

As you trudge down the stairs of your home, the sound of light knocking against the front door catches your attention. It's been a long day y/n, you're probably hearing things, it's definitely just the rain.

Nope. There it is again, but much louder. Much more urgent.  

You contemplate any and all potential disasters that could happen from answering the door. Only a crazy person would be willing to go out in this hurricane-like weather to be frantically knocking on your door.  

And so, you assume it has to be some psychopath trying to get into your house. Yes, there’s definitely no other logical explanation. 

You scramble around your living room, looking for the next best weapon to defend you. Resorting to the flower vase your mother keeps on the table next to the front door, you hold it out in front of you, as if you're waiting for the door to burst open.  

The knocking continues, gradually getting louder. You mentally curse at yourself for dropping out of the taekwondo class your dad signed you up for when you were younger.  

Vase in hand, you swing open the door and brace for–

"Jake? What the fuck? Get in here, you're gonna get sick!"  

You’re suddenly aware of how stupid you look, holding a light pink vase with a couple of orchids as your only form of self-defense...for it to only be your own best friend. You immediately put it back on the table as Jake quickly rushes past you and into your humble abode.  

You close the door behind you and turn to face the soaked boy.  

“I come bearing gifts, also known as take-out and hot chocolate from that one cafe you love. Also my company, if you’ll take it. I had a feeling you weren’t having the best day today,” he’s simply standing there, holding up a large brown paper bag in one hand, and a deliciously smelling cup of hot chocolate in the other, but you’re looking at him as if he bought you the Moon. 

You stare in awe at the angel of a boy in front of you, silently thanking the stars for gifting you this amazing human being as your best friend. You don’t know what you did to deserve him. 

You give him a soft smile. “Jake, you didn’t have to. It’s practically a shitstorm out there,” you cock your head towards the window, showcasing the downpour of cats and dogs outside. Jake stays by the entrance as you go down the hall and through your house’s linen closet to find a spare towel for the drenched boy.

“Nah it’s no big deal, really. Just fulfilling my duties as your loyal boyfriend,” he grins, even though you can’t see him. He likes calling himself that. Your boyfriend.

Jake continues to shake his messy hair to get the excess rain off, giving a mental apology to whoever is going to have to mop up the puddle forming on the floor due to his unannounced visit. Probably you. 

Jake hears you laugh down the hall. “You’re really invested in your role, huh? Keep this up and you might actually trick me into believing you’re my actual boyfriend.” 

Actual boyfriend? Jake likes the sound of that. Maybe he will keep this up then.

Jake doesn’t have much experience in acting, unless you count that time he played the role of Town Villager #3 in the third grade play, so he never found it as one of his interests. But playing the role of your boyfriend was one he was willing to fulfill for the rest of life, even if it was just for show. 

Jake doesn’t respond to your comment, he’s instead self-aware of his blushing cheeks, thankful that you’re too busy rummaging through your linen closet to take notice. 

“Plus, you didn’t have lunch today and I had feeling you were going to be too caught up in your work to feed yourself anything other than instant ramen,” he sets down his gifts to you on your living room’s coffee table as you come around the corner, fresh towel and new set of clothes in hand. 

His eyes fall on the familiar looking pair of sweatpants and hoodie resting on the palms of your hands. 

Hm. A little too familiar. 

Then, it clicks in his head. 

His eyes narrow at you as you giggle at his reaction, “Oh, so it takes me getting drenched in the rain for you to finally return my clothes that I’ve been missing!?” 

“Hey! I’m not returning them, simply loaning them out to a friend who’s in dire need. You basically gifted them to me the second you left them here months ago.” 

“You’re annoying.” 

“Love you too,” you toss the clothes at him and take a seat on the floor around your coffee table, prepping the table with the boxes of Chinese food Jake supplied. 

After Jake changes into the stolen dry clothes, he takes a seat next to an already-eating you at the coffee table. 

“You. are. my lord and savior Sim Jaeyun,” you’re saying with your mouth full of fried rice. You sigh from satisfaction and rest your head against Jake’s shoulder as you continue chewing. He grins as he helps himself to his own serving of fried rice and orange chicken. 

You look up at him from your spot, “How was team bonding today?” 

Jake groans in response, clearly annoyed. “Stupid. I don’t get how doing trust falls and pyramid building is going to get us any closer. If anything, I almost FELL off that pyramid today!” 

You don’t know why, but you find yourself admiring him and his soft features as he continues to rant about one of his teammates, specifically, the one who almost dropped him. 

The way his messy hair, unkept from the rain ruining it, almost covers his eyes (but you tell yourself you like it this way, it looks more natural on him), the way the corners of his lips are always perked upwards (even when he’s ranting), the way his eyes sparkle whenever he’s truly passionate about whatever he’s talking about, the way his eyes look at you like–

“Stare much? Look, I get you can’t resist my good looks but at least be subtle about it,” he smirks at you as he takes another spoon of rice. 

You break out of his trance and scoff at him. 

“You’re cute when you rant,” you nonchalantly say as you move from your spot to mirror his actions and add more rice to your plate as well.  Jake’s stills at your sudden comment, unsure of how to respond. Lucky for him, you’re distracted by the mountain of food on your plate to even notice the blushing mess of a boy next to you. 

“You know, you’re lucky you’re cute. Or else I’d deck you right here and now for ditching me after school today.” 

Anddd there goes the moment. Leave it to you to follow up a compliment with a threat of violence. 

Jake finds it cute anyways. He always finds you cute. 

Jake narrows his eyes and lightly shoves you before an apology is written all over his face. “Sorry about that by the way. I feel awful about making you walk home when it was freezing out.” 

“Nah, it’s okay. Sunghoon gave me a ride, actually. Did you know he does debate? I guess you learn something new everyday,” you ramble, unaware of the boy next to you getting tense at the sudden mention of the other’s name. 

Up until now, Jake’s completely forgotten about Sunghoon's involvement in this entire scheme. In fact, the past 48 hours with you have felt so normal, so comfortable, he almost forgot about the deal in the first place.   “You think he has any clue?” Jake suddenly asks, referring to the plan. 

You immediately know what he’s referring to, as Jake practically worded out your very own thoughts. 

You shrug. “Not a single one. We’re practically William and Kate in his eyes. But honestly, that’s the least of my worries right now. I’m too distracted by my exams right now to care.” 

Jake feels guilty for being satisfied with your answer. He’s 100% sure that if convincing Sunghoon took you two an entire lifetime of fake dating, he’d be all too willing to do it. 

“Go to Jay’s party with me tomorrow,” he abruptly says, catching your attention as your mouth is stuffed. Cute. 

He pokes your cheek. “It’ll get your mind off of work and plus, what’s more convincing than showing up to a party with your amazing boyfriend?” he wiggles his eyebrows at you. Jake doesn’t know where he gets his sudden surge of confidence. But he does know he loves calling himself your boyfriend...even if it’s for the time being. 

Rolling your eyes and swatting his poking fingers away from your face, you ponder on his suggestion. 

“You mean my annoying boyfriend,” you stick your tongue out at him. Jake takes a mental picture and hopes it never leaves his mind. 

“But I guess you could be right. Maybe I can clear my head for the night before I study my ass off all weekend.” 

Friday, December 11th 

The party does not clear your mind. 

If anything, it gives you enough headaches to last you at least until the end of high-school. 

You come to this revelation as you and Jake approach Jay’s home, a luxurious mansion sitting at the end of a cul-de-sac, lined with similarly luxurious palaces, located in an equally luxurious neighborhood. 

You come to this revelation when you can already feel the pounding bass of music as you walk up Jay’s driveway. 

You come to this revelation when, not even two seconds after entering Jay’s front doors––

“You’re here!” A buzzed Jay shouts at the two of you, causing the both of you to contemplate your past choices that brought you here today. Jay definitely isn’t straight up drunk yet, but Jake still makes a mental note to keep an eye on him tonight. Just in case. 

The blonde-haired boy is quick to hand over two red solo cups of god knows what, to which you and Jake immediately put down on the nearest table after Jay walks away to greet the next incoming guests (you know, to not hurt his feelings). 

You and Jake are lucky enough to have been around Jay and his parties long enough to know that going all out at these parties will not be pretty the next morning.

You cringe at the memory of last year, when you had to suffer from possibly the worst hangover of all hangovers after one of Jay’s parties. Jake will never let you forget how miserable you looked the next morning. His camera roll’s album titled “y/n blackmail pics” can vouch for that.

“Remind me again to never listen to you,” you almost have to shout at Jake over the thumping music. Jake laughs at your comment and tugs at your hand as he begins entering the house.

The two of you do your rounds of greetings to the people you know...and random underclassmen who you swear you have never seen before but somehow made it to this party. You’ve always questioned how Jay’s invite list worked. Maybe there isn’t one. That would explain how it looked like someone announced Jay was giving out free Teslas and the entire school got hold of the news. 

“Thank god you guys are here,” you hear a voice come from behind the two of you as you guys leave the main room to enter the house’s smaller, but just as luxurious looking, den. You turn to see Heeseung with Sunghoon following closely behind, trying his best not to get swept away in the crowd of people. 

The den is where you usually stayed during these parties. It’s not like there are rules of where people are allowed to party, by any means, but it’s like how a high-school’s cafeteria worked. There’s a mutual silent agreement of where everyone goes, and the den is where the party host and his friends went.  

“Okay, is it just me, or is tonight’s party just a little...too..much?” Sunghoon asks as the four of you take your seats on the main couch of the room. Jake’s quick to make space for you next to him as you go to sit, but to his surprise, you find your home right on his lap. 

“You said be convincing right?” you say into his ear as you settle yourself. Right. That’s totally why. Because you had to go along with the ruse. Obviously. 

You shift a bit so you’re more facing sideways, not blocking off Jake’s line of vision as the boy himself is..well, calling him a rag doll might be excessive. 

But he’s sure he looks like one right now, having lost all senses in his limbs, leaving him frozen underneath you. 

Jake Sim is the epitome of politeness. He was raised in a family that taught him how to respectfully greet others, how to always offer food to others before eating it himself, how to properly treat a significant other. As a result, Jake grew up to be one of the sweetest, kindest, purest people to ever walk this earth. 

(Relatively speaking, the earth is large, but so is Jake’s heart.) 

But human-beings aren’t perfect, they must have a balance. A balance of pros and cons. 

Sure, he can’t pack his own lunch and sometimes forgets to water the little succulent you gifted him that’s currently seated on his window sill. Sure, sometimes he’s too sweet for his own good, you know, like willing-to-be-your-fake-boyfriend too sweet. But aside from the minor details, Jake Sim doesn’t have many cons, no. 

But he sure can be awkward. 

And so because Jake Sim is sweet, kind, pure, and awkward, he is unsure of what to do with himself when you’re seated right on top of him. 

As if you could read his befuddled mind, you take his arm that’s resting behind you to wrap around your waist as your support as you throw one of your arms around his shoulder. And throughout this entire adjustment, his widened eyes are staring right at you. 

Bless this pure, pure boy. 

Also bless the position you’re in, blocking the two other boys from directly seeing Jake’s face. Because if they were to catch glimpse of Jake’s expression right now, your cover might be blown, just like that. You’re lucky Heeseung and Sunghoon are distracted by another classmate who came up to them. 

“Relax,” you sweetly laugh, cupping his chin with your free hand and lightly squeezing his cheeks. “You’re so adorably awkward.” 

Jake pouts at you. “I am not awkward!” 

“Right, and I’m totally dating you for real,” you playfully whisper at him, eliciting a poke at your waist in response. 

Twenty minutes of people-watching-aka-“who do you think is gonna pass out first?”-from-your-spot-on-the-couch later, the four of you draw your attention to the rowdy party host you all have the honor of calling your friend––aka Jay––dancing (that is, if you call wildly swinging your limbs in all four directions dancing) in the middle of the den. 

"Oh god, look at him," Sunghoon voices from besides you.

Heeseung's already filming the moment on his phone. Ah yes, technology. The best thing to ever happen to drunk teens' friends.  

"He's so wasted," you throw your head back as you let out a laugh. “We should help the kid out.” 

Poor Jay. He's not gonna hear the end of it after tonight.

"I don't know why he thinks these parties are such a good idea when he knows how trashed he's gonna be when he wakes up," Jake says, his hand naturally squeezing your waist as you giggle at his comment. "And how trashed the house will be."  

Jay slumbers over to where the four of you are seated, and abruptly stops right in front of the couch.

"My best friends!" Jay happily cheers. “Having fun?” 

“Watching you? Always,” you say to the boy who’s squeezing into a seat between you and Sunghoon, as if the small couch wasn’t already suffocating enough (and that’s with you on Jake’s lap). 

“But for real though, you should probably lay off the drinks for now,” Heeseung insists. “For all our sakes.” 

Sunghoon nods along and grabs the cup Jay’s currently nursing and sets it down where it’s out of Jay’s reach, much to his dismay. But the disappointment quickly leaves the dazed boy’s head, as his attention is now directed towards you and Jake. 

“Well if it isn’t mom and dad,” Jay turns to face you and Jake, certainly amused by your seating arrangement. 

“You know–” Jay points a finger at the two of you. “For a couple that’s certainly close, I haven’t seen you two kiss.” 

Jake is immediately coughing, certainly not expecting that to come out of his friend’s mouth. 

“Okay and your point is?” Jake frowns at Jay. If Jay wasn’t tipsy, Jake would’ve smacked the back of his head by now. 

“I’m just saying...” the blonde responds, both hands up in the air as if Jake is accusing him of something, when in was, in fact, the opposite. “But nevermind, Jakey boy here is probably too innocent for such nonsense anyways.” 

Yes, it’s confirmed. Once Jay sobers up tomorrow, Jake is driving over to his house (even though it’s a good ten minute drive from his own) just to smack him. 

“What do you mean I’m too–” 

Jake doesn’t finish his sentence. In fact, Jake doesn’t even remember what he was going to say. 

Jake doesn’t think nor feel anything else other than your lips planted on his. 

You’re pulling him in close, your hands cupping his face as his own are twitching on your waist, his mind flustered. You move your hands from his face to his neck, to which Jake immediately relaxes at. 

Sure, you two are in the middle of a dumb high-school party, one filled with pounding music and shouting teenagers, but right now, in this moment, Jake can only feel you. And he doesn’t want the feeling to ever stop. 

When you part, Jake’s eyes flicker from your eyes to your lips, his own parted in shock. He thinks he might pass out right here and now. He thinks his heart might explode right here and now. He thinks he might lov-

“Happy?” you turn to a satisfied Jay, ignoring the looks of amusement from Heesung and Sunghoon besides him. 

“Well,” you pat Jake’s leg as you get up from your spot. “I’m gonna get us some drinks. Punch only, of course.” 

Jake’s eyes are on you as you walk away, his face tinted pink from the adrenaline of it all, his heart racing. 

Jake thinks back to three days ago, when he told himself that this idea of yours was going to be all fine. After all, it was only going to be for one week. Afterwards, he can move on with his life as if nothing happened. 

But fast forward 72 hours later, 72 hours after you and Jake started this act, 72 hours after Jake told himself it’ll be all fine, Jake knows he was poorly mistaken.

Because 72 hours later, in the middle of a party that reeked of the combined smell of alcohol and sweat, Jake knows one thing and one thing for sure.

He never wants to move on from the feeling of being with you. He never wants to move on from this.

From you. 

He’s screwed. 

Saturday, December 12th 

When Jake wakes up, much later than he intended to, on Saturday morning, the first sensation he feels are his tingling lips, still in disbelief that they graced your own last night. 

The second sensation being his pounding mind––it’s running through ten million thoughts at a time, telling him no last night wasn’t a dream. 

Third: his heart beating so fast at the thought of you, he thinks he might beat out of his chest.

And fourth, a buzzing noise. 

Jake blindly flounders his arm to the table beside him in hopes of finding the origin of the annoying sound, aka, his phone. 

After knocking down multiple miscellaneous items on his nightstand (he makes a mental note to clean his room later), he successfully retrieves the item of search. 

Jake squints at the bright screen, mind still cloudy from a mix of 1) being half-asleep, and 2) still processing what happened the night before. 

y/n [11:10AM]: r u awake yet? 

y/n [11:22AM]: imma take that as a no

y/n [11:35AM]: lemme know when ur up 

jake [11:44AM]: just woke up sorry 

jake [11:44AM]: are you okay? what’s up

y/n [11:45AM]: r u busy? 

y/n [11:45AM]: kinda wanted to talk abt smth

jake [11:45AM]: uh well no im still in bed lmao

y/n [11:46AM]: cool im outside your door 

Jake’s eyes widen as he processes your last few texts. 

Talk? Outside his door? 

Jake’s heart is nervously pounding as jumps out of bed and quickly puts on the first plaid flannel he finds. He scrambles to his mirror and gives his reflection a quick run-down. 

He’s sporting your his favorite hoodie underneath the flannel that’s long overdue a wash and his tousled hair has seen better days, but he couldn't care less. 

Before his mind can catch up to his actions, he’s rushing down the stairs, skipping two at a time and to this front door. Because he didn’t want to keep you waiting? Because he was too excited to see you? Maybe a mix of both. Definitely more of the latter, however. 

He quickly runs a hand through his hair to try to fix it up as much as he can, to no avail, before opening the door to reveal you, sitting on the steps of his front porch. 

“y/n,” he’s breathing heavily as you turn to greet him with your sweet smile he didn’t even realize he was missing. Is it possible to miss someone overnight? Jake concludes yes, it definitely is. 

“Did you run down here or something?,” you question his out-of-breath state, a teasing tone laces the tip of your tongue. 

“Or something,” Jake mutters as he closes the front door behind him to join you on the steps when you make no sign of moving. “Have you been out here all morning?” 

“Not allll morning. I had a feeling you’d sleep in so I came around the time I first texted you. Would’ve knocked but didn’t wanna bother your family,” you hum, keeping your eyes trained on the peaceful scenery around you. 

You’ve always loved Jake’s neighborhood, it brought you a sense of peace, a sense of home. 

Or was that because it reminded you of Jake? 

“You could never be a bother,” he quickly rebuttals as he takes his seat next to you on the steps. 

You respond with a soft smile before turning your attention back to anything other than the boy next to you. Your mind seems to be lost in its own thoughts, Jake can tell by the distant look in your eyes. 

The sound of birds chirping in the distance fills the silence that falls between the two of you. 

Any other day, Jake would love this. He savors every second he’s with you, even if it’s just pure silence. 

But this silence was different. It wasn’t the usual comforting, warm silence that the two of you share on a typical day. This one held tension, tension so thick that Jake doesn’t know where to begin thinking. 

But here’s the thing. Jake doesn’t think. 

Not when it comes to you. 

He takes a deep breath. Rubs his hands together. Pats them on his lap. Turns towards you. 

“Look, I-” 

“I think I might like you.” The words come out of your mouth so fast, Jake’s positive he heard you wrong the first time around. 

He whips his head to meet your eyes, your own already staring back at him, your bottom lip nervously tucked under your teeth. 

“No, I––I do. I know I do. I’m sorry. I didn’t know how to tell you and I don’t think I’m doing a very good job right now,” the words are all of the sudden tumbling out of your mouth as if your brain flipped a switch and isn’t able to turn it off. “In hindsight, I should’ve known better to fake date my own best friend. But these past few days made me realize how much I love being with you. And not like how I’m always with you 24/7 before this entire thing started, but being with you. I even started getting that weird, bubbly feeling in my stomach every time I so much as heard your name. And then last night at the party, I realized afterwards that I wouldn’t have kissed you if some part of me didn’t see you in that way. Even if it meant Jay would’ve been on our asses all night if I didn’t. So yeah.” 

You finish with a deep breath and look up at him to meet his widened eyes. Silence.

Jake thought he was braindead during last week’s history quiz. Jake thought he was braindead when he had to cram a semester’s worth of chemistry content the night before his exam. Heck, Jake thought he was braindead when you first told him about your idea of a fake dating him. But no, this is braindead.

He’s finally hearing what he’s been dreaming of for so long, and of all times, now his brain decides to shut off.  

“Are you..uh..are you gonna say anything?” You’re nervously fumbling with your hands, desperate to distract yourself with anything else apart from his silent stare. 

"Why are you sorry?" Jake says before his mind can think of anything else. He doesn't pay attention to his thumping heart that's one look-from-you away from exploding right then and there. "You didn't do anything wrong. If anything, you took the words right out of my mouth.” 

Now you're staring at him with the wide eyes, the words processing in your mind.

Jake realizes he's waited too long to do this. A few years too long. He also realizes he shouldn't have put on that extra layer of a flannel. The nervous tension created by the two of you was suffocating enough, and being outside under the bright sun didn’t help. 

"I like you too. God y/n, I like you too so much," Jake doesn't even care if his words are all sorts of messed up right now. He just needs you to get the idea. "I have for a while now.” 

You let out a relieved sigh, ecstasy rushing through your blood. “Really? I think I have for a while too. I’m so stupid, it took me so long to realize it. It didn’t hit me until I realized how I felt around you, compared to the guy I’m supposed to actually have a crush on.” 

Jake lets out a laugh, the tension immediately dissolving. “Hey, if it wasn’t for Sunghoon, I don’t think we’d be here right now.” 

“You’re right, I’m too oblivious and you’re too awkward to actually make a move,” you wink at him. If his heart wasn’t fluttering at the sight of you, on his porch on a Saturday morning, confessing your feelings to him, Jake probably would’ve lightly shoved you away. 

Instead, he’s turning to you with the most endeared look on his face, and you’re blushing underneath his gaze.

“What? Stare much?” You giggle, quoting the boy himself as you shyly duck your head to avoid his stare. 

Jake gently grabs your chin to tilt your face towards his, and before you can process what’s happening, he suddenly meets your lips with his own, closing the gap between you two. 

Jake thinks if the ground underneath him right now decided to open up and swallow him whole, he’d die happily. 

Jake smiles against you, feeling comfort in ways he’ll never be able to achieve without you. 

Your hands instinctively find their way into his hair, as one of his rests below your ear, thumb softly caressing your cheek, the other pulling you in by the waist. He’s naturally leaning into you, gravitating towards your warmth, unable to stop the giddy feeling bubbling in his stomach. 

He doesn’t think the feeling will ever go away. 

When you pull away to catch your breath, you rest your head against the nook of his neck, basking in his presence as his arms both find their way around your waist. You sigh in pleasure. 

“Remember at the beginning of all of this, when you told me ‘Just try not to fall in love with me?’” Jake gently says. Jake feels the slight nod you give against his shoulder as you hum in response. 

Jake whispers two more words into your ear, filling you with happiness and warmth you know you won’t be able to find through anyone––or anything––else. 

“Too late.” 

✰ if you made it ‘til the end, ily :’))))) 

[geshertzarmeod]

Favorite Books of 2020

I wanted to put together a list! I read 74 new books this year, and I keep track of that on Goodreads - feel free to add or follow me if you want to see everything! I’m going to focus on the highlights, and the books that stuck with me personally in one way or another, in approximate order. Also, all but two of them (#5 and #7 on the honorable mention list) are queer/trans in some way. Links are to Goodreads, but if you’re looking to get the books, I suggest your library, the Libby app using your library, your local bookstore, or Bookshop.

The Faggots & Their Friends Between Revolutions by Larry Mitchell, illus. by Ned Asta (originally published 1977). I had a hard beginning of the year and was in a work environment where my queerness was just not welcomed or wanted. I read this in the middle of all of that, and it helped me so much. I took this book with me everywhere. I read it on planes. I read it on the bus, and on trains, and at shul. I showed it to friends... sometimes at shul, or professional development conferences. It healed my soul. Now I can’t find it and might get a new copy. When I reviewed it, in February, I wrote: “I think we all need this book right now, but I really needed this book right now. Wow. This book is magic, and brings back a sense of magic and beauty to my relationship with the world.” Also I bought my copy last July, in a gay bookstore on Castro St. in SF, and that in itself is just beautiful to me. (Here’s a post I made with some excerpts)

Once & Future duology, especially the sequel, Sword in the Stars, by A.R. Capetta and Cory McCarthy. Cis pansexual female King Arthur Ari Helix (she's the 42nd reincarnation and the first female one) in futuristic space with Arab ancestry (but like, from a planet where people from that area of earth migrated to because, futuristic space) works to end Future Evil Amazon.com Space Empire with her found family with a token straight cis man and token white person. Merlin is backwards-aging so he's a gay teenager with a crush and thousands of years of baggage. The book’s entire basis is found family, and it's got King Arthur in space. And the sequel hijacks the original myth and says “fuck you pop culture, it was whitewashed and straightwashed, there were queer and trans people of color and strong women there the whole time.” Which is like, my favorite thing to find in media, and a big part of why I love Xena so much. It’s like revisionist history to make it better except it’s actually probably true in ways. Anyway please read these books but also be prepared for an absolutely absurd and wild ride. Full disclosure though, I didn’t love the first book so much, it’s worth it for the sequel!

The Wicker King by K. Ancrum. This book hurt. It still hurts. But it was so good. It took me on a whole journey, and brought me to my destination just like it intended the whole time. The author’s note at the end made me cry! The sheer NEED from this book, the way the main relationship develops and shifts, and how you PERCEIVE the main relationship develops and shifts. I’m in awe of Ancrum’s writing. If you like your ships feral and needy and desperate and wanting and D/S vibes and lowkey super unhealthy but with the potential, with work, to become healthy and beautiful and right, read this book. This might be another one to check trigger warnings for though.

The Entirety of The Daevabad Trilogy by S.A. Chakraborty. I hadn’t heard of this series until this year, when a good friend recommended it to me. It filled the black hole in me left by Harry Potter. The political and mystical/fantasy world building is just *chef’s kiss* - the complexity! The morally grey, everyone’s-done-awful-things-but-some-people-are-still-trying-to-do-good tapestry! The ROMANCE oh my GOD the romance. If I’m absolutely fully invested in a heterosexual romance you know a book is good, but also this book had background (and then later less background) queer characters! And the DRAMA!!! The third book went in a direction that felt a little out of nowhere but honestly I loved the ride. I stayed up until 6am multiple times reading this series and I’d do it again.

An Unkindness of Ghosts by Rivers Solomon. I loved this book so much that it’s the only book I reviewed on my basically abandoned attempt at a book blog. This book is haunting, horrifying, disturbing, dark, but so, so good. The character's voices were so specific and clear, the relationships so clearly affected by circumstance and yet loving in the ways they could be. This is my favorite portrayal of gender maybe ever, it’s just... I don’t even have the words but I saw a post @audible-smiles​ made about it that’s been rattling in my head since. And, “you gender-malcontent. You otherling,” as tender pillow talk??? Be still my heart. Be ready, though, this book has all the triggers.. it’s a .

Felix Ever After by Kacen Callender. This book called me out on my perspective on love. Also, it made me cry a lot. And it has two different interesting well-written romance storylines. And a realistic coming-into-identity narrative about a Black trans demiboy. And a nuanced discussion of college plans and what one might do after college. And some big beautiful romcom moments. I wish I had it in high school. I’m so glad I have it now! (trigger warning for transphobia & outing, but the people responsible are held accountable by the end, always treated as not okay by the narrative, and the MC’s friends, and like... this is ownvoices and it’s GOOD.)

The Starless Sea by Erin Morgenstern. My Goodreads review says, “I have no idea what happened, and I loved it.” That’s not wrong, but to delve deeper, this book has an ethereal feeling that you get wrapped up in while reading. Nothing makes sense but that’s just as it should be. You’re hooked. It is so atmospheric, so meta, so fascinating. I’ve seen so many people say they interpreted this character or that part or the ending in all different ways and it all makes sense. And it’s all of this with a gay main character and romance and the central theme, the central pillar being a love of and devotion to stories. Of course I was going to love it.

Fierce Femmes and Notorious Liars: A Dangerous Trans Girl’s Confabulous Memoir by Kai Cheng Thom. “Because maybe what really matters isn’t whether something is true, or false. Maybe what matters is the story itself; what kinds of doors it opens, what kinds of dreams it brings.” This book was so good and paradigm shifting. It reminded me of #1 on this list in the way it turns real life experience and hard, tragic ones at that (in this case, of being a trans girl of color who leaves home and tries to make a life for herself in the city, with its violence), into a beautiful, haunting fable. Once upon a time.

I Wish You All the Best by Mason Deaver. I need to reread this book, as I read it during my most tranceful time of 2020 and didn’t write a review, so I forgot a lot. What I do remember is beautiful and important nonbinary representation, a really cute romance, an interesting parental and familial/sibling dynamic that was both heartbreaking and hopeful, and an on-page therapy storyline. Also Mason Deaver just left twitter but was an absolutely hilarious troll on it before leaving and I appreciate that (and they just published a Christmas novella that I have but haven’t read yet!)

The Truth Is by NoNieqa Ramos. It took a long time to trust this book but I’m so glad I did. It’s raw and real and full of grief and trauma (trigger warnings, that I remember, for grief, death (before beginning of book), and gun violence). The protagonist is flawed and gets to grow over the course of the book, and find her own place, and learn from the people around her, while they also learn to understand her and where she’s coming from. It’s got a gritty, harsh, and important portrayal of found family, messy queerness, and some breathtaking quotes. When I was 82% through this book I posted this update: “This book has addressed almost all of my initial hesitations, and managed to complicate itself beautifully.”

Anger is a Gift by Mark Oshiro.  I wasn’t actually in the best mental health place to read this book when I did (didn’t quite understand what it was) but it definitely reminded me of what there is to fight against and to fight for, and broke my heart, and nudged me a bit closer to hope. The naturally diverse cast of characters was one of the best parts of this book. The romance is so sweet and tender and then so painful. This book is important and well-written but read it with caution and trigger warnings - it’s about grief and trauma and racism and police brutality, but also about love and community.

The Prey of Gods by Nicky Drayden.  This is a sci-fi/fantasy/specfic mashup that takes place in near-future South Africa and has world-building myths with gods and demigoddesses and a trip to the world of the dead but also a genetically altered hallucinogenic drug that turns people into giant animals and a robot uprising and a political campaign and a transgender pop star and a m/m couple and all of them are connected. It’s bonkers. Like, so, so absolutely mind-breaking weird. And I loved it.

Crier’s War and Iron Heart by Nina Varela.  I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVED the amount of folktales they told each other with queer romances as integral to those stories, especially in Iron Heart. A conversation between the two leads where Crier says she wants to read Ayla like a book, and Ayla says she’s not a book, and Crier explains all the different ways she wants to know Ayla, like a person, and wants to deserve to know her like a person, made me weak. It lives in my head rent-free.

Queen’s Shadow by E.K. Johnston @ekjohnston . I listened to this book on Libby and then immediately listened to it at least one more time, maybe twice, before my borrow time ran out. I love Padmé, and just always wish that female Star Wars characters got more focus and attention and this book gave me that!! And queer handmaidens! And the implication that Sabé is in love with Padmé and that’s just something that will always be true and she will always be devoted and also will make her own life anyway. And the Star Wars audiobooks being recorded the way they are with background sounds and music means it feels like watching a really long detailed beautiful Star Wars movie just about Padmé and her handmaidens.

Sissy: A Coming of Gender Story by Jacob Tobia. I needed to read this. The way Tobia talks about their experience of gender within the contexts of college, college leadership, and career, hit home. I kept trying to highlight several pages in a row on my kindle so I could go back and read them after it got returned to the library (sadly it didn’t work - it cuts off highlights after a certain number of characters). The way they talk about TOKENISM they way they talk about the responsibilities of the interviewer when an interviewee holds marginalized identities especially when no one else in the room does!!! Ahhhh!!!

Bonds of Brass by Emily Skrutskie. Disclaimer for this one that the author was rightfully criticized for writing a Black main character as a white author (and how the story ended up playing into some fucked up stuff that I can’t really unpack without spoiling). But also, the author has been working to move forward knowing she can’t change the past, has donated her proceeds, and this book is really good? It has all the fanfic tropes, so much delicious tension, a totally unexpected plot twist that had me immediately rereading the book. This book was super fun and also kind of just really really good Star Wars fanfiction.

How To Be a Normal Person by T.J. Klune. This book was so sweet, and cute, and hopeful, and both ridiculous and so real. I had some trouble getting used to Gus’ voice and internal monologue, but I got into it and then loved every bit after. The ace rep is something I’ve never seen like this before (and have barely read any ace books but still this was so fleshed out and well rounded and not just like, ‘they’re obsessed with swords not sex’ - looking at you, Once & Future - and leaving it there.) This all felt like a slice of life and I feel like I learned about people while reading it. Some of the moments are so, so funny, some are vaguely devastating. I have been personally victimized by TJ Klune for how he ends this book (a joke, you will know once you read it) but it also reminds me of the end of the “You Are There” episode of Xena and we all know what the answer to that question was.... and I choose to believe the answer here was similar.

You Should See Me in a Crown by Leah Johnson. I wish I had this book when I was in high school. I honestly have complicated feelings about prom and haven’t really been seeking out contemporary YA so I was hesitant to read this but it was so good and so well-written, and had a lot of depth to it. The movie (and Broadway show) “The Prom” wants what this book has.

Plain Bad Heroines by Emily M. Danforth. I never read horror books, so this was a new thing for me. I loved the feeling of this book, the way I felt fully immersed. I loved how entirely queer it was. I was interested in the characters and the relationships, even though we didn’t have a full chance to go super deep into any one person but rather saw the connections between everyone and the way the stories matched up with each other. I just wanted a bit of a more satisfying ending.

Honorable Mention: reread in 2020 but read for the first time pre-2020

Red White & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston. I couldn’t make this post without mentioning this book. It got me through this year. I love this book so much; I think of this book all the time. This book made me want to find love for myself. You’ve all heard about it enough but if you haven’t read this book what are you DOING.

In Other Lands by Sarah Rees Brennan @sarahreesbrennan​ . I reread this one over and over too, both as text and as an audiobook. I went for walks when I had lost my earbuds and had Elliott screaming about an elf brothel loudly playing and got weird looks from someone walking their dog. I love this book so much. It’s just so fun, and so healing to read a book reminiscent of all the fantasies I read as a kid, but with a bi main character and a deconstruction of patriarchy and making fun of the genre a bit. Also, idiots to lovers is a great trope and it’s definitely in this book.

Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz. This book is forever so important to me. I am always drawn in by how tenderly Sáenz portrays his characters. These boys. These boys and their parents. I love them. I love them so much. This is another one where I don’t even know what to say. I have more than 30 pages in my tag for this book. I have “arda” set as a keyboard shortcut on my phone and laptop to turn into the full title. This book saved my life.

Last Night I Sang to the Monster by Benjamin Alire Sáenz. This book hurts to read - it’s a story about trauma, about working through that trauma, healing enough to be ready to hold the worst memories, healing enough to move through the pain and start to make a life. It’s about found family and love and pain and I love it. It’s cathartic. And it’s a little bit quietly queer in a beautiful way, but that’s not the focus. Look up trigger warnings (they kind of are spoilery so I won’t say them here but if you have the potential to be triggered please look them up or ask me before reading)

Ella Enchanted by Gail Carson Levine.  When asked what my all time favorite book is, it’s usually this one. Gail Carson Levine has been doing live readings at 11am since the beginning of the pandemic shut down in the US, and the first book she read was Ella Enchanted. I’ve been slowly reading it to @mssarahpearl and am just so glad still that it has the ability to draw me in and calm me down and feels like home after all this time. This book is about agency. I love it.

Radio Silence by Alice Oseman @chronicintrovert . I’ve had this on my all-time-faves list since I read it a few years ago and ended up rereading it this year before sending a gift copy to a friend, so I could write little notes in it. It felt a little different reading it this time - as I get further away from being a teenager myself, the character voice this book is written in takes a little longer to get used to, but it’s so authentic and earnest and I love it. I absolutely adore this book about platonic love and found family and fandom and mental illness and abuse and ace identity and queerness and self-determination, especially around college and career choices. Ahhh. Thank you Alice Oseman!!!

Leia: Princess of Alderaan by Claudia Gray @claudiagray​ . I have this one on audible and reread it several times this year. I love the fleshing out of Leia’s story before the original trilogy, I love her having had a relationship before Han, and the way it would have affected her perspective. I also am intrigued by the way it analyses the choices the early rebellion had to make... I just, I love all the female focused new Star Wars content and the complexity being brought to the rebellion.

[impala1967dwinchester]

Jensen Ackles: Green Eyes Meet

*Not My GIF* 

Paring: Jensen Ackles x Reader 

Pov: Jensen Ackles  

Rating: Adult Mature 

Warnings: Sexy Jensen, Green eyes addiction. Swearing, self-image problems, 

Summary: Jensen had never really liked his bright green eyes, but that ended after he met his new personal assistant on the Supernatural Set. Her green eyes grabbing his attention immediately, maybe he did like his green eyes afterall.  

Word Count : 1,653

Since I had been a kid I never liked my bright green eyes. Never was teased for them but the constant fawning over by girls in high school was annoying. That feature was like a crooked nose that everyone noticed and wanted to talk about behind your back, and sometimes in front of you, to you.

When I was a senior in high school my girlfriend was only with me because of that one feature, she had paraded me around to her friends, and family. Showing me off like I was a prize possession a toy. Not her boyfriend the boy she “loved”.

It was like my green eye was the only thing that people saw. Not my work, my thoughts, my personalities. Nothing. In college which was a fucking nightmare, there was another girl her name was Dorothy, she was so cute at least 20 years ago she was cute.

Her personality, her style everything about her was adorable. But yet again a failed relationship all because she was only there for my eye, yet again I have paraded around to parties, functions. Made to feel like she really “loved me”.

I again broke up and went through that motion. Finally, after 20 years I was not an adult but I was getting jobs. I did do a few modeling jobs, acting was sprinkled in too. Then what seemed like a big boom of celebration I was cast in the show Supernatural with a lifetime friend now Jared.

Years Later

Casting and building Supernatural was the best time of my life. A show that was dedicated to two brothers trying to save the world. A fan base that was amazing, best friends for the first time that wanted to be my friend because of me and not what I looked like.

Onset we all had our own personal assistant. Misha had an older woman in her late 30s her attitude every day was to make Misha smile and laugh, be in the goofy mood that every day had been presented.

Jared had another young woman late 20s. She was a fan of the show before we really hit off on the CW. She had gotten the job when she wanted to do an internship, and of course, with Jared being his normal passionate loving, caring person he loved her and always brought her to lunch she was more of a friend if Jared then his personal assistant.

I on the other hand had gone through what seemed to have been at least 6 or 7 younger, and older women. I guess you could compare it to prince charming trying to find Cinderella, every single girl had to size every girl had to have the position.

There was Ashley a young girl, she had brown shoulder-length hair, a straight smile, blue eyes, but she was all over the place with very bad ADHD. She simply wasn’t made for a schedule type of job, but I still made sure her reference papers were nicely written more focused on her great skills rather the ones that needed work.

There was Rebecca, she was middle-aged women, her two adorable kids was all she ever talked about but she was tired and could never keep up with the many types of different things we were always doing.

There was Annie. A straightforward mess of a person, she had a very bad RBF always thought I had done something wrong. I was very quick to say “I need a new personal assistant!”

There was Jessica. A sweet 20-year-old girl, a shorty with an attitude, and a very bad temper with everyone expect with me. I knew that would never work, so yet again I had to ask HR to find me a new PA.

There were Mrs.Miller older women in her late 40s. She was organized, and very sweet but she was sadly was only doing this job while her husband was out of a job. So she went which was quite sad, but I again had to ask.

Then there was Y/n. Her personality was all I ever wanted in a PA. She made life so easy, always at my trailer before I was with a coffee in hand for me and herself. An inquiry of what the day was packed with, always had my lines and would chat with me during lunch. She was exactly what I was looking for. Only after 5 years of yearning and wanting someone with the correct skills.

______________________       Jensen A.    ___________________________

After another 5 years, Y/n and I had the best friendship I have with anyone since I met Jared and Misha. She so sweet and kind, she’d pick me up drunk from the bar, or go with me to premiers of literally anything. We’d go out to see stupid horror movies or funny romcoms. We were like the best of best friends. We were definitely in the hall of best friends.

The many times I had come to Y/n rescue after douche bag dick heads had fucked her over. Leaving her at dinner by herself, driving her home to watch something, and eat a whole tub of ice cream. I was her rock and she was mine.

I never noticed that she and I had the same colored eyes until about two weeks ago when she had on this bright purple jacket. Her eyes popping with the contrast. She was the most beautiful that day she wore a purple jacket with a black turtleneck with a pair of cargo pants and lace-up boots. Just as beautiful as the first day I had met her and every day after that one.

She smelled of peppermint and roses, her makeup light and cute. The pink hue to her cheeks was so adorable. That day we had a few scenes and then an interview and that was it. I drove her home that night and slept blissfully.

As the weeks went on my need to be closer and always around Y/n grew stronger. We’d sit down for lunch and sit down next to her instead of in front of her. I’d bring her coffee during a rough patch.

But one day I think she started to catch on, she’d stop me every day and hug me, like it was the end of the world.

A knock on my trailer door

“Jensen, do you mind if I come in?” Her voice was timid and tired from a day worth of work.

“Yeah, of course, you can come in Y/n.” I got up and opened the trailer door. Her small built frame came into view. Today I hadn’t seen her but once in the morning and now. She was wearing a blue crop top, black pants, a pair of vans. Again such a beautiful as the first day I saw her.

She came in and sat down in her regular seat. She didn’t have any papers on notebooks with her. She probably just wanted to sit in silence enjoying the time together.

“Jensen, how was your day?” she asked.

“Y/n, my day was perfectly fine. How was yours?” This was odd, a normal conversation. This wasn’t what I was used to with her.

“My day was tuff. Do you mind if she just lay down for a minute was something on the tv? Too many thought going on right now.” Her words shy, it sounded as if she were going to cry.

I wrapped my hand around hers and dragged her towards the back of the trailer, a spot where we would relax after a hard day's work, talk about things, do what we wanted to do which was just sit down and watch something. She plopped down and pulled her shoes off, and sat beside her laying my arm out so she could lay down.

If others were to see us like this they would say that we were a couple. Something that I would love but I knew better, she knew better right?

“Jensen, thank you,” She said after a while. I hummed in response, the clock wrote 9:30 on it. It was late but I had clothes here so if we did end up falling asleep here it wouldn’t be the end of the world.

Another hour went by, and Y/n got up. She faced me, sitting crisscrossed. Breathing in deep she began to speak, so I turned off the sound to the tv.

“Jensen, You are the best friend I have ever had. Something I don’t want to ruin with what I’m about to say, I’m going to tell you the truth about how I feel, how I’ve felt for the past five years. It’s hard for me because of course, I don’t know where you are emotional and everything, so here it goes. Jensen, I fell in love with you 5 years ago. I fell in love with your personality, your character, your passion, your love for others, your fans. I love fell in everything about you. This could ruin everything we have but I ho..”

She just looked so beautiful at that moment after so many years of loving her from afar. Jared had seen me fall in love with her, told me to just tell her, I was scared I’d ruin the friendship we had built. So I kissed her, cutting her off mid-sentence.

“I have loved you since the beginning too Y/n. You’re the smartest, most caring person I have met in a long time. You are so beautiful sorry I cut you off but I have been waiting to do that for a long time you know.” I said with my hands still pushed into her sides

She giggled, and leaned her head against mine, and hummed in response. And for the first time I felt like I was living my dream, I was with the person I truly love and that loved me back.

Tag List- @akshi8278​

[vhsrights]

What Not To Do On A Movie Date

a movie date - @bridget19

Jemily has a fun day at the movies planned. :)

WC: 1369

“Come on, babe! Let’s go! I don’t wanna be late for the movie!” JJ stood with her hand on the doorknob, checking her watch for the umpteenth time.

“Yeah, yeah, babe I’m coming! Give me a second.” Emily called out from somewhere inside the apartment.

“If you take any longer, I’m leaving you here.” The blonde called out to her scatter-brained girlfriend.

“NO, no. Hold on, Jayje, I said I needed a second.” Emily reappeared from behind the kitchen wall, tugging at the straps of the tote bag in her hand.

Her dress shirt was tucked into khaki pants; its deep emerald color contrasting light blue bag. Emily fiddled with the buttons for a few more seconds before looking back at JJ. Her girlfriend was wearing a white and yellow sundress that was covered in lemon patterns. JJ’s blonde hair was loosely curled back, topped by her floppy, beige sun hat.

“Oh shoot!” Emily smacked her forehead, hiding the smirk on her face.

“What? What did you forget?” JJ turned around as they walked down the hall to the stairs.

“They don’t allow outside snacks in there! How am I going to get you into the theater?” Emily chuckled as JJ rolled her eyes.

“Oh my god, Em.” She smiled brightly and grabbed the brunette’s hand, turning the corner to the staircase.

The women walked outside and let the gentle sun hit their faces. They had decided to walk to the theater because it was only 20 minutes away and the air was relaxing. When JJ and Emily had been looking at apartments, the proximity to the city and its movie theaters had been a big plus. JJ walked slightly ahead of Emily, her eagerness spilling over into her quick steps. Her fingers were still laced with Emily’s as they made their way down the sidewalk.

The day was beautiful and the happy couple let each bit of its positive energy boost their mood. Occasional chirps from birds that fluttered from post to post and the whirr of passing cars filled their ears. Spread-out trees provided patchy shade with their tall canopies and were often surrounded by little patches of yellow or white flowers.

At one point, Emily pulled her phone to take a picture of her girlfriend. JJ didn’t notice the camera and continued to frolic forward, her ease apparent on her face. This sunny day felt like a reprieve after their long weeks stuck inside for their jobs. Traveling for work was one thing, but JJ and Emily loved enjoying things in the comfort of home as well.

They approached the final crosswalk, the theater in sight. JJ waited for Emily to catch up to her before wrapping her arms around Emily’s. She stayed close at the brunette’s side as they finished their walk to their destination. The large lights and signs outside the theater were like a unique gem in the middle of their residential area. JJ stopped outside the door.

“Okay, so I bought us tickets to see ‘Isn’t It Romantic’ with Rebel Wilson, Adam Devine, and Priyanka Chopra. I know you said that you “don’t like romcoms” but trust me, I’ve seen clips. You’re gonna like it.” Emily rolled her eyes before raising JJ’s hand to kiss it.

“Alright, I’m trusting you on this one. But if it’s cheesy and bad, I’m making you watch a Russian movie with me with no distractions.”

“Oh shut up, you know you love the cheesy ones just as much as I do, babe. So, what’s in the bag that took you so long to grab?” The blonde gestured to her tote, her eyebrows raised.

“Maybe, but I don’t have to admit. That? You’ll see.” Emily gave a fleeting answer and pulled JJ into the building.

She kept the smirk on her face as they stood in line to get their tickets printed. JJ wouldn’t get an answer until they were inside the theater. Every time the blonde asked, Emily simply leaned over and kissed her. It was a good way to get JJ off her case for a bit. Eventually, JJ gave up and simply leaned against Emily as they waited their turn.

5 minutes later, the women had their tickets and Emily directed JJ to the ticket checker rather than the concessions stand. JJ looked at her girlfriend with confusion. She knew that JJ needed snacks in the movie, and enjoyed having food with the picture. So what was she doing? “Um, Em, what about snacks?” JJ spoke, hoping to understand Emily’s behavior.

“Yeah, what about them?” Emily forgot that JJ had no idea about her plan, being the reason for the tote bag.

“Aren’t we going to get them from the concessions?”

“Jen, those cost an arm and a leg. We are not paying 30 bucks for some buttered popcorn and a watered-down Pepsi. Plus, I have a plan.”

Still confused, JJ decided to trust her girlfriend. They walked up to the ticket check station and no employee was in sight. Emily made an executive decision (to save them time and reduce the chances of getting caught) and pulled JJ past the line, towards their theater.

“Trust me,” Emily said as she pushed through the big door.

“Always,” JJ answered without hesitation as they walked to the back row.

Emily set her bag down and let JJ go to her seat. The movie had been in theaters for a while and they had missed it for the sake of cases, so the room was mostly empty. The only other people they could see was a middle-aged couple sitting a few rows in front of them.

Emily finally opened the tote and showed JJ what she had been holding.

“Oh. My. God. Look at all these snacks! When did you have time to do this?” JJ looked up at Emily incredulously.

“I may have been stockpiling them for a bit. Go nuts, Jen. I got pretty much everything you like in here.” Emily beamed back at her girlfriend, watching JJ grab the bag of Cheetos on top first.

The movie started soon after and the two settled in their seats. They laughed with Rebel Wilson’s quips and her exaggerated obliviousness to Adam Devine. Emily made a joke that it was like them before they got together. JJ rolled her eyes.

The movie was enjoyable for both, filled with enough laughs and cheesy moments to have a perfect balance. JJ and Emily were both focused until JJ felt her feelings peak with love. The movie was channeling her inner romantic, so she lightly turned Emily’s face to the side and kissed her. Emily must have been feeling the same thing because she returned the favor.

They kissed again and the movie became long forgotten. JJ’s lips moved against Emily’s and that was all that mattered. Emily and JJ didn’t happen to notice the middle-aged woman approach their row with a theater employee. The bright light of his flashlight finally pushed the two apart.

“I’m sorry ladies, but we have a no PDA rule in here. You’re gonna have to leave.” His voice was dejected. It was obvious that he didn’t want to be telling two grown women to stop making out in the back of the theater.

“Yeah, I suggest you leave before you distract me and my husband from more of our movie.” The woman beside him chirped up, earning death glares from both of the agents. Any other annoying remarks died in her throat.

“Okay, fine. We’ll be out of your hair.” JJ spoke quickly but surely, making sure that Emily didn’t blow up at the lady.

“Ma’am? I don’t think you should be worried about your husband. He saw this movie a couple of days ago with his girlfriend, Becky, is it?” Emily made one last snide comment before they walked out.

All they heard from inside the theater was exasperated cursing from the lady that had them kicked out. Emily’s bluffing comeback had actually worked. She giggled as she and JJ made their way out of the building. The day was still young, and the street was filled with options.

At least now they knew what not to do on a movie date.

[edie-k]

Legally Ginger Chapter 4 (Romione, PG-13)

Title: Legal Ginger, Chapter 4 "Not Completely Unfortunate Looking"

Pairing: Romione, minor Ron/Astoria, Harry/Astoria

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Ron makes his first East Coast friend

Thanks adnei for all the beta help!

Bolded dialogue plus the chapter title are verbatim or very very heavily ripped from the movie.

Thank you for all your comments last chapter! I think the fun of these RomCom inspired fics is to surprise you with what character ends up where.

And to be clear, I love Harry - not as much as Ron but I am one of these weirdos that somehow thinks the main character is underrated in his own series. But the very few times Harry was mad at Ron, he knew how to cut and I'm going to have some fun with that. I doubt you'll hate Harry when this story is complete. But you might at the end of next chapter.

Click below or follow the link to AO3!

Ron stormed back to his room, struggling with the lock as his hands shook. After finally getting the door open, he quickly grabbed for Pig’s leash. The pug has out of his bed and at Ron’s feet in a flash.

Ron, who didn’t have patience for Pig’s short legs today, scooped him up and stomped down the hall and out to the parking lot. He jerked open the door to his Escape and deposited Pig in the passenger’s seat before taking a deep breath.

Pig tilted his head quizzically.

“We need to hit something.”

**********************************

After driving about 10 miles, Ron spotted it. A large building that had seen better days with steel cages and a dilapidated miniature golf course outside. The weathered sign outside it said “Hogs Head Sports Center and Pub”.

He cut through two lanes of traffic to turn into the mostly empty parking lot. After putting the car in park, he took a second to dig for quarters in his center console but came up empty. “Shit,” he sighed.

Ron grabbed Pig’s leash and the dog hopped down to follow him towards the building.

Upon entering, Ron found the inside to be about as unkempt as the outside but it was surprisingly clean. Another pleasant surprise was that there was a bar to the right with a few grizzled townies eating nachos and being served drafts by a grumpy looking bearded bartender while they watched Sportscenter on a small flat screen. In the back was a sole batting cage, a few arcade machines and a beat up door with a paper taped to it that said “Simulator in Use”. To the left, a small counter with golf clubs, colored golf balls, and tiny pencils.

Behind the counter was the biggest man Ron had ever seen in real life and he’d been lucky enough to meet three Lakers, two Warriors, and a Ram. Similar to the bartender, he had unkempt hair and a wild beard but unlike the old guy slinging drinks, he was middle aged and his face split in a big smile upon seeing Ron.

“Hello,” the giant of a man greeted him. “What’s doing?”

“I need some quarters for the cages,” Ron said, holding out a $5.

“Sure,” the man agreed and opened the cash register.

“Thanks,” Ron muttered and started to walk out the door before stopping short. “Shit.”

“Something wrong?”

“I don’t have my bat,” Ron said, shaking his head.

“Came to the cages without a bat?” the guy said, his accent so thick that Ron had to pause to process before answering.

“Uh yeah. I sort of just needed to find something to hit that wasn’t…” Ron trailed off.

“The other guy?” The giant man finished his sentence with a chuckle.

Ron laughed. “Pretty much.”

The man walked into the back room and came out with two worn bats. “I’ve been there,” he said, handing Ron one.

“Thanks.”

“You look like you could use some company,” the man said.

Ron considered for a moment. He’d been lonely as hell this week. Growing up with six siblings, living in a fraternity house… he wasn’t used to all this time to himself. And this guy was only the second genuine conversation he’d had since arriving in Boston.

“Sure,” he replied. “My name’s Ron.”

The man outstretched a giant hand. “Everyone calls me Hagrid.”

***********************

“We hooked up the night before graduation and she’s already engaged to this d-bag?”

“I don’t get it,” Hagrid said. “What’s so great about this guy?”

Ron had spent the last half hour spilling his life story while hitting balls off the fastest pitching machine in the cages. Hagrid had proved himself to be a captive and empathetic audience - almost like talking with one of his older brothers.

Ron shrugged. “He’s obviously smart.”

“Why? Cause he got into Harvard? So did you. Better looking than you?”

“I mean, he’s a little scrawny. If I’d actually been dumb enough to hit him, I’d have won before he even knew we were fighting but he’s decent looking enough. I’ve got a sister and he’s her type.”

“He seems like a total asshole so no way he’s got you beat on personality,” Hagrid said.

Ron laughed. “You’ve known me for forty minutes!”

Now Hagrid shrugged. “Lived here my whole life. Not to paint with too broad a brush but there aren’t a lot of Harvard kids kicking back with the counter guy at a rec center. You check out.”

“That’s probably true from what I’ve seen,” Ron agreed. “But I’m not really a Harvard kid. I just...I actually don’t know what I expected.”

“You expected to spend the rest of your lives together! I don’t get why it’s so hard. Isn’t that what all the TV shows tell us women want? My girl, Olympe, she dumped me a few months back. She took everything. Our home, the Dunkie’s rewards, my baby Fangs…”

“Fangs?”

“Best mutt there is,” Hagrid said. “Although this guy’s pretty great.” Hagrid leaned down to scratch the Pig’s ears.

“I'm sorry, that sucks,” Ron replied, shaking his head.

“It happens all the time,” Hagrid shrugged. “You ready for a beer?”

“Always,” agreed Ron and they walked back toward the main building.

Upon entering the building, Ron set his bat on the counter. “What’s the old man got on tap?”

When Hagrid didn’t immediately reply, Ron turned to look at him. He was standing frozen, staring across the room where an attractive middle aged brunette woman in a polo shirt and jeans was pushing an empty dolley out from behind the bar and towards them.

“Hi, Hagrid,” she said with a smile. Ron turned to grab the door and hold it open for her.

“Uh, yeah, uh hi,” stammered Hagrid. He tried to slide his bat on the counter but only succeeded in knocking the one Ron used to the floor with a loud clatter.

She waved as she left the building.

“Could I be any more goddamn spastic?” Hagrid bemoaned. Ron gave a sympathetic wince. “Now I really need that drink.”

Ron followed him over to the bar and slid onto the stool next to him.

“Abe? Can we get a couple?”

The bearded old man behind the bar grunted and poured them two drafts.

Hagrid took a sip and shook his head. “This women stuff is hard. Never thought I’d be in this position at my age. But you’re still young. Doesn’t have to be this difficult for you. Smart guy, good guy, athletic guy like you. You’d find another girl in no time.”

“I mean, maybe, but Astoria…. she’s worth fighting for, you know?”

“Well, engaged ain’t married,” said Hagrid. “Never, ever, ever give up.”

Ron burst out laughing. “That’s Michael Scott advice!”

“Eh, it worked out for Jim and Pam,” insisted Hagrid.

“Well, I’m not giving up yet, so don’t worry.”

*************************************************************************************

Ron entered his first class Tuesday morning, feeling much more confident. After leaving Hogs Head with a stomach full of greasy nachos, Hagrid’s number, and an offer to text anytime, he'd returned to campus and poured over all the syllabi and orientation packets again. He felt confident that he’d done the pre-work needed to enter his Criminal Law class.

He plunked down in his seat and looked around. In front of him sat Astoria and what’s his face. Harry had his arm draped behind the back of her chair.

Engaged ain’t married. Engaged ain’t married. He repeated to himself.

In addition to his studying last night, he had tried to scour social media to see if there was a wedding date set, but the news seemed totally non-existent. On a whim, he had texted Lavender. Lavender had said she was working for LiveNation post graduation but Ron wondered if she’d actually joined the FBI - thirty minutes later, she had emailed him a whole mess of screenshots from various social media accounts, college newsletters, and local newspapers. He thought he might even have Harry’s social security number in the file. The only thing he cared about was that she had confirmed there was no date set and that they intended on a long engagement.

“Hem, hem.”

The noise came from a small woman standing at the front of the hall. She had a flat face and her style of dress was atrocious - fluffy pink cardigan over a shapeless tan shift dress. He vowed to get a discrete picture of her to throw in the group chat.

“Welcome to Criminal Law. I am Professor Dolores Umbridge. I have high expectations of how you will perform and how you will conduct yourself in my class. I expect you to push yourselves to excel and outperform your classmates and yourselves. And bear in mind, performing well this year will have you well placed for one of four highly regarded internships at my firm next year where you will be applying your skills to real world cases.”

“Now, let’s commence with our usual torture,” she said. She studied a class roster.

Please not me. But I can do it. But also, please not me.

“Mr. Weasley.”

Goddamn it.

“Would you prefer your client have committed a crime malum in se or malum prohibitum?” Professor Umbridge asked.

“Well,” he said carefully. “I prefer they not have committed the crime at all.”

The rest of the class snickered.

“That is the dream, Mr. Weasley,” she said with a wry smile. She looked down at the roster again. “What about you, Mr. Potter?”

“Malum prohibitum,” he said confidently. “I’d rather they commit a regulatory infraction as opposed to a dangerous crime.”

“Well said, Mr. Potter,” Professor Umbridge replied. “Let’s take a closer look at malum prohibitum, shall we?”

Harry shot a glance back at Ron over his shoulder and gave him a shit eating grin before running his fingers up and down Stori’s arm.

We’re in the middle of fucking class and he’s mauling her like they’re at a kegger.

Before he could think better of it, Ron raised his hand.

“Oh,” said Professor Umbridge. “You had a question Mr. Weasley?”

“No,” said Ron. “I just changed my mind. I’ll take the dangerous criminal. Unlike Potter, a challenge has never scared me.”

Harry whipped his head around to glare at Ron.

“Exactly the spirit I like to see, Mr. Weasley,” Umbridge said approvingly.

*************************

“Come on boy,” said Ron, urging Pig along down the stairs of the dorms.

The semester was now three weeks old. Ron was dutifully completing his reading each night and when McGonagall had come back at him again with a question, he had managed to piece together an answer that satisfied her.

Campus life, however, had continued to be fairly lonely for him. His debacle in McGonagall’s class had spread like wildfire and he’d been shunned from every study group he approached. He’d taken to reviewing in the bar at the Hogs Head for the company. He wasn’t sure if Hagrid liked him or Pig better but at least there was one place in town they were always welcome.

“I didn’t know pets were allowed in student housing,” he heard a voice say.

Ron glanced up to see a face that looked somewhat familiar to him. After a tick, he recognized the woman speaking as the same one who had reassured him that first day of classes.

“Service animals are,” he told her.

She looked at him skeptically, brushing her voluminous hair behind her ears. “Is he a service animal?”

“He provides services,” Ron said, giving her a cocky grin.

She pursed her lips as though she was trying not to smile. “Such as?”

“Getting the attention of beautiful women,” Ron answered.

The brunette stood up and crossed her arms against her chest but there was really no hiding her obvious amusement. “Wow.” She shook her head and started to walk away.

“Come on, that was a good line, right?” Ron called after her.

She stopped and looked back at him. “I just didn’t think that was an area that you needed assistance in,” she said slyly, before walking away.

Shit, what a response.

He grinned, watching her go. He was about to call and ask her name - after all, she was the friendliest person on the campus - when he caught a glimpse of Astoria out of the corner of his eye. She was standing about twenty feet away with fucking Harry’s arm draped around her shoulders, talking to a couple of other students. For fuck’s sake, is she full of helium now? He’s constantly got an arm around her to weigh her down. But she was watching Ron through narrowed eyes.

Ron gave a small wave and Stori blushed, clearly embarrassed that she was caught. At that moment, Harry seemed to notice his fiancée was distracted and glanced in Ron’s direction. He threw Ron one of his patented spoiled rich dick smirks. Ron smirked right back and winked.

I’m not as out of the picture as you think. We’ll see who wins this one.

********************

Ron was just stepping out of the bathroom when he spotted his phone lighting up.

Fred

FaceTime as soon as you can!

He sighed, threw on a shirt, and dialed his brother.

Fred’s face appeared before him. Sort of. Wherever he was was dark, loud and full of strobe lights.

“What’s going on?” Ron asked.

“We’re celebrating!” shouted Fred. The camera turned and Ron suddenly saw a whole slew of his friends.

Parvati came into view. “Seamus proposed and Lav said yes!”

Over her right shoulder, Ron spotted the aforementioned couple kissing. Over Parvati’s left shoulder though, he saw…

“Are you at a strip club?” Ron asked.

“Of course!” yelled George. “It’s 6pm on a Monday. Half price drinks and free buffet at Diamond’s!”

“I just bought a ring, I gotta pay for a wedding, and student loans are coming due,” Seamus said, now closer to the camera. Lavender’s face wasn’t in view but he assumed the hand with the ring on screen belonged to her.

“Congrats buddy,” Ron said, feeling a sting.

“June 9th. I need you as one of my groomsmen, right? Lavender’s first cousin is like six two. If she wears heels, only you can match up to her.”

“I wouldn’t miss it,” Ron assured him.

“Ron! Did that stuff help? Has she dumped that douche yet?” Lavender screamed, not aware of just how close she was to the mic.

“Uh, I’m making progress,” Ron said.

“Almost October bro,” George said. “If anyone can make it work, you can.”

“Or just come home!” he heard his sister shout from far away.

“I’ll see you all soon,” Ron said. “Have fun.”

“I’ll slip Destiny a $5 and tell her it’s from you in case you change your mind,” Ginny called. Then the screen went black.

God, he missed his friends, his family. He missed having a bunch of guys at the frat to hang out with at the drop of a hat. He missed having a dozen teammates, available for a run at the drop of a hat. He missed Tim, the coffee cart guy who always knew his correct coffee/milk/syrup ratio.

He didn’t think Harvard would be easy. He didn’t think that it would be easy to get Astoria back. But he assumed making friends would be easy. He didn’t even remember how he made friends at CULA - did he even have to try? He sighed and picked up Pig’s leash, ready to take him for one last walk.

“It’s a Cambridge tradition - pass it along to everyone,” he heard someone say down the hall. “8 o’clock tomorrow at Gord’s Pub”

“What tradition?” Ron asked, coming around the corner. “Oh.”

There he was, face to face, with Harry Potter.

“Uh, sorry,” said Ron. “I heard the word pub.”

Harry looked at him and then gave a slight smile. “Yeah, man. There’s a trivia night at Gord’s Pub tomorrow night. It’s sort of a law school tradition to hit it up.”

“Trivia night, huh?” Ron asked.

“Yeah, the guy who does it prides himself on coming up with the most difficult questions he can. It’s impossible to win. Everyone completely bombs on every question so everyone just gets drunk by the second half. I hear it’s a pretty good night,” Harry said.

“Cool,” said Ron awkwardly.

“You should stop by. I’m sure there’ll be a team you can jump onto,” Harry suggested.

“Yeah, yeah, maybe I will,” Ron said.

“Cool dog,” Harry said, pointing at Pig.

“Uh, thanks. Have a good night,” Ron said, walking away.

Am I so desperate for friends that I’m hanging out with this douche? I guess so.

[hyunisms-a]

( kim namjoon, cis man ) have you seen HYUN JEONG? i heard HE is a CIVIL ENGINEERING MAJOR at ASHDOWN ACADEMY. they’re 25 years old and they’ve been living in san verto for 3 YEARS. they tend to be SOCIABLE & ENTHUSIASTIC, but rumor has it they can also be TACTLESS & AIRY.

basics:

full name:  hyun jeong

nicknames:  hyunnie, bastard <3

gender:  cis man

pronouns:  he/his

sexuality:  bisexual

age:  25

date of birth:  26th of july

zodiac sign:  leo

occupation:  graduate student, majoring in civil engineering and minoring in mathematics

hometown: boston, massachusetts

height:  6’1 :nauseous_face:

piercings: has your standard lobe piercings, a helix piercing and industrial piercing on his left ear (why his left ear? because it’s the side van gogh cut off, he says) 

tattoos:  nope, he’s thinking about getting one though

hair colour: platinum blond 

style:  very casual and loose, he moves around a lot so he prefers wearing comfortable clothes, also wears a lot of sustainable clothing brands, wears accessories (earrings and bracelets, in particular), has an Enormous collection of ugly socks and sunglasses

personality:

traits:  (+) affable, tidy, optimistic, spirited (-) cocky, irresponsible, childish, blunt

labels / tropes: Ambiguous Disorder, Beware The Silly Ones, Genius Ditz, Motor Mouth, Distracted By The Sexy, In Touch With His Feminine Side, Shutting Up Now, Undying Loyalty, Unsportsmanlike Gloating   

likes:  apple pie, books, his porsche taycan that his parents got him for christmas haha, fancy socks, romcoms, vincent van gogh, taylor swift

dislikes: tba <3 he hates spicy food but that’s about it for now

hobbies:  collecting socks :~) travelling, building gundam/gunpla models, partying... also loves going to the gym and working out... he’s the type of person who gets up early to jog unless he’s hungover or exhausted 

quirks:  has a habit of getting into stupid shit, pretty sure he’s almost gotten arrested a couple of times... 

faves:

ice cream flavour:  a tie between moose tracks and vanilla

time of the day / night:  11 pm when the party’s just getting started <3 and 6 am when the sun is just rising 

weather:  sunny!!! the type of weather where the sky is an artificial blue and the sun isn’t Too overpowering

colours:  cyan <3

songs:  arctic monkeys, queen, david bowie, anything r&b, something that has a lot of bass and guitar noises

background:

hyun doesn’t really have a sad childhood or an angsty past; his parents were always around, they took good care of him, spoiled him silly (they still do), and practically gave him everything he wanted. however, his father wanted hyun to become an engineer like him, so his parents merely “nudged” him in the right direction, towards the path of following in his father’s footsteps. hyun played with legos and dollhouses a lot— often building the latter from scratch with his mother, learned to assemble and disassemble gundam models and was encouraged to join STEM-related workshops ... hyun was a fast learner when it came to science and math <3 his childhood home is adorned with gleaming trophies and medals from STEM competitions... lmao nerd

he graduated from massachusetts institute of technology with a bachelor’s degree in civil engineering

his father has a lot of connections so he practically has a job waiting for him but he loves living the uni life so much that he wanted to keep studying and pursue a master’s lol

moved to san verto to spend a gap year at a non-academic research lab / a government laboratory funded for applied research before enrolling at ashdown

he doesn’t really know what he wants to do? he’s good at what he’s currently doing, but he’s been indoctrinated to “love” engineering that he hasn’t found his true Passion, right now he’s just aimlessly dancing through life ... lifes more painless 4 the brainless <3

plays soccer and is incredibly good @ it... he’s def in the uni’s soccer team (if they have one...) used 2 play american football in high school :nauseous_face:

wcs:

roomies <3 hyun is a chill roommate, he’s like a tall roomba that cleans after people’s messes (unless he’s drunk, then he’d even make more of a mess trying to clean up)

smth spicey like exes, fwbs, cute lil crushes, friends w/ feelings (unrequited?? maybe not?? a bit of chem would be needed for this tho <3),  hyun is very... inscrutable when it comes to relationships so anything is possible! it could’ve been a whirlwind romance that ended badly, they could be exes on good terms (a “we’re better off as friends” type of situation), or they could just be casually sleeping with each other... also, hyun flirts a lot but he’s never had a long-term relationship... he jumps from one person to another so... make of that what you will DKSFJHDKFH i love angst, u guys <3

friends!!!! study buddies, gym buddies (!!!), friends he can be dumb and reckless with, unlikely friends... hyun is generally pretty friendly and easy to like if you can put up with his obnoxious jokes... his sense of humor can be really odd sometimes but he’s very fun!!! very loud!!! really brash!!! the type to wake up in the middle of nowhere after partying hard... that being said, he also needs someone to shut him up or rein him in NBMVBMXNCVB 

bffl, the ride or die!!!! hyun would literally risk everything for them... would love to exchange hcs and stuff for this <3

childhood friends? :thinking: this is also smth we can discuss together!

[mariephillipswriter]

Square Eyes

Do they still say that if you watch too much television you'll get square eyes? Or is that an expression that went out of fashion when kids started spending all their time in front of the internet? Putting aside the obvious riposte (televisions aren't square, they're rectangular) I can report that I have been doing extensive research in this area and have come to the scientific conclusion: no, you won't. I have been watching so much television. SO MUCH TELEVISION. I never believed that I could watch such an immense quantity of television. On the whole I don't watch it during the day except for sometimes when I am having my breakfast and also when having my lunch, but in the evenings, when I have finished pretending to work, I might start watching television at about 6pm, or 5pm, or 4pm on a bad day, and keep going until, say, 11pm or midnight. HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE. HOW CAN A PERSON LIVE THIS WAY. Well it's easy enough, it turns out, if you're under lockdown in London in December and it's dark from 4pm and raining most of the time and you have the emotional resources of a gnat and reading is too demanding and talking on the phone is too exhausting and the light in the living room is not good enough for doing a puzzle in evening hours and you quit social media a month or so ago because it was driving you out of your mind with anxiety. I don't watch six or seven or eight hours of television every night. Don't be ridiculous. Some nights I only watch about three hours of television because I have a Zoom call or I'm cooking dinner or I've got stuck into a good cryptic crossword, maybe the Saturday Times Jumbo one because the Guardian ones are too gimmicky, or at last I've found a book gripping yet easy enough that I can't put it down (thank you Robert Galbraith, thank you Marian Keyes), but I would say that three hours is the minimum and my god that is a LOT. EVERY DAY. THREE HOURS. MINIMUM. But you don't need to me to explain that to you because you are all watching three four five six seven hours of television every day and when you are not watching television you are phoning your friends and first of all talking about the specific way that your own personal lockdown is terrible but then eventually saying 'what are you watching on television' because what else is there even to talk about? At the start of lockdown there was quite a small pool of television that everyone was watching (that thing about the Tiger King, which I didn't watch because by the time I got back from my early lockdown in Costa Rica you'd all seen it, and Normal People which I didn't watch because I was too embarassed to sit through all the sex scenes with my flatmates, and I May Destroy You, which I didn't watch because about five minutes of it was enough to send me into a massive panic spiral, but I hear was very good), but once we had all (other than me) got through that and Covid dragged on for months, our conversations began taking on the tenor of Vikings crowding around one another as a boat returns from a foray, WHAT IS OUT THERE, WHAT DID YOU FIND OUT THERE, IS THERE SOMETHING OUT THERE THAT I MIGHT DESIRE? And the Viking says yes, there is this thing called Schitts Creek but you really have to push on through the first season because I promise you it gets better and better and you will start to love that obnoxious family. And then we all watched Schitts Creek. (Including me, it's wonderful, you have to push on through the first series you will start to love that obnoxious family, Dan Levy is a divinity in human form and if you want more of him you could do worse than checking out the lesbian Christmas-themed romcom Happiest Season, which you can rent from Amazon Prime.) And now we are beyond even that and all our lives resonate with the screeching sound of a televisual barrel being scraped and now this is when things get really interesting (or put another way, VERY VERY BORING) because everyone has fractured and we are all watching different kinds of random stuff found in the dusty corners and unloved algorithms of our streaming services. There's the friend who has got into watching obscure French crime series on Netflix (The Chalet! La Mante!) and the friend who is watching every episode of Poirot on Britbox (thirteen series, 70 episodes) (though that pales in comparison with the friend who did a total rewatch of Friends from beginning to end (236 episodes) and finished it ages ago and is starving for more) and the friend who calls me up seemingly every week with a new old show nobody else has ever heard of (such as the early 1990s Nigel Havers and Warren Clarke comedy spy drama Sleepers, which he is watching old-school-style on DVD, and which apparently is like The Americans only with Nigel Havers and funny, and also, you should watch The Americans.) When I look back on the amount of television I have watched this year it defies comprehension. There were the things I would have watched anyway like the whole of Strictly Come Dancing and His Dark Materials, and the things that took me by surprise, like the stealthily hilarious Danny Dyer gameshow The Wall that was on straight after Strictly and drove me into a total obsession with the way that Danny Dyer says "Drop 'Em" (he's talking about the balls that are dropped down the wall, it's hard to explain, you can find it on iPlayer, but meanwhile if you only click on one link in this whole newsletter PLEASE click on that one), there were the things that were created especially to get me through lockdown (the wonderful David Tennant and Michael Sheen Zoom comedy Staged, which is not only extremely funny but allows you to see inside David Tennant's house which I'm not sure I am technically allowed to watch because of the restraining order? Anyway, new series coming on Monday, fellow DT fans) and the familiar things I watched to soothe me when it all got too much (Doctor Who, starting before Tennant even gets in on the action, right at the begining of the New Who seasons with Christopher Eccleston, because armchair space travel is the only kind of travel we are going to be getting for a while) and the exciting things I watched when I could no longer bear the tedious repetition of every identical day (Line of Duty, in which the famous-for-the-far-inferior Bodyguard writer Jed Mercurio delivers ludicrously compelling twisty-turny stories about police corruption that cannot be predicted for even a nanosecond) and the things that I watched just because I loved them (Fosse/Verdon, the Bob Fosse and Gwen Verdon bio-series starring the breathtakingly charismatic Sam Rockwell and Michelle Williams, which is one of the best-made pieces of television I've ever seen, Love Life, the Anna Kendrick romantic comedy series which was surprisingly touching and truthful about the relationships that make up a life and which didn't make me want to open a vein as a single person the way that many looking-for-love shows do, and Better Things, a sort-of-comedy sort-of-drama written, directed by and starring Pamela Adlon, which began as a collaboration with Louis CK and initially reflected the sensibility of his show Louie, but became far more experimental and interesting once, after CK's disgrace, Adlon took over completely - the fourth series is maybe the closest thing I've seen on TV to a representation of the rhythms of real life, with long scenes of Adlon just cooking a meal on her own, or contemplating the rain, of having arguments with her children that explode from nowhere and end just as suddenly with tears or laughter or nothing at all.) And this entire paragraph is just things that I have watched on the BBC. Not even everything that I have watched on the BBC. The BBC is INCREDIBLE and my license fee has been serious value for money, before you even count all that time spent watching the news [Munch Scream emoji]. But overall, it doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of television that I have watched this year. Though while we're here, have you noticed that sometimes it's more relaxing to watch something bad than something good? Have you noticed that a vapid, cliched show like Virgin River (heartbroken city nurse with a secret moves to small town and falls in love with battle-wounded bartender with a secret), a show that makes This Is Us look like Succession, has the same effect on your brain that taking off your work shoes and putting on your slippers has for your feet? You can rest now, it says, there is nothing more for you to do. Have you noticed how easy it is to chug down, say, four episodes in a row of Designated Survivor - a show designed by a committee charged with taking elements of The West Wing, Homeland and 24, and making something similar but, crucially, much more ridiculous - without your mind even noticing that anything has happened at all? And if you're really ready for something utterly idiotic, might I suggest The Bold Type, in which three twentysomething girls in bonkers designer outfits "work" at an aspirationally "feminist" glossy magazine, and by "work" I mean constantly leave the office in the middle of the day to take care of personal business, and by "feminist" I mean "empowering women by for example having them post selfies of themselves looking perfect but without makeup on social media", a feminism so very feminist that they called the magazine's parent company Steinem in the first series and then had to change it to Safford, I can only presume because Gloria Steinem threatened to sue them. A couple of episodes of that is the televisual equivalent of having a nice relaxing full frontal lobotomy. Don't get me wrong: I love these shows. I owe them more gratitude than I can say. I would be unable to survive without them. I've managed to watch five hours of television just since starting this post24 hours ago (three episodes of Doctor Who, half a really cheap and very bad Sky Arts documentary about the musical Hamilton, and a travelogue in which Torvill and Dean go in search of a frozen lake in Alaska on which to dance Bolero but can't find one for almost the entire show because of global warming, which made me simultaneously and conflictingly want to give up air travel, fly to Alaska immediately, become obsessed with Torvill and Dean AND wonder how they managed to skate together all these decades without killing each other especially Torvill but also especially Dean). Five hours of TV, sounds like a lot, but with eight hours of sleep, that still left me eleven hours to fill in this boring boring boring boring BORING BORING BORING boring boring BORING boring BORING BORING lockdown. I think I am being incredibly restrained, all things considered. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some time to kill, having finished writing this post, and with at least five hours to fill before bed. I wonder what's on TV?

***

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[mikenewtonhateblog]

My oc’s aka too long of a gd post

The “BL” Crew (does not stand for boys love I’m just a moron who made that abbreviation before knowing what it stands for). My main crew and main series, a lot is a big WIP right now as I’m slowly redoing the first book and all the lore. Why? I love torture. Book is fantasy type but I won’t specify what.

Lacie, the protagonist. God tier idiot, bisexual bipolar depressed MESS, insomniac, former theater kid, doesn’t know what she wants out of life but currently it is not This(plot of book). Hot headed, impulsive, crude, rude, Mommy IssuesTM, would rather be taking a nap right now, rules are made to be broken, absolutely fucking FERAL, more bags under her eyes than the airport lost and found. 5’5, 130lbs, Aries, age 18, white as shit like literally the whitest human you have ever seen, strawberry blonde hair in a 2011 Hayley Willaims haircut with long bangs, the darkest brown eyes you’ve ever seen that stare directly into your soul. Lanky, no curves, body of a 12 year old boy but works out so she can and will kick your ass and thats a threat. Not human?

Josh. Soft boy, smart, Lacie’s cousin and only friend for like the first 18 years of her life, autistic anxious mess who’s special interest is anchient egyptian history, is in honors classes, despises math, passes out when his girlfriend looks too cute, just needs a hug. Can eat a whole carton of easy mac if left alone, whole wardobe is the same outfit just different colors/hoodies, sensory issues, seriously can someone give this guy a hug. 5’9, 150lbs, Pisces, age 18, mixed (half whatever flavor of white Lacie’s family is [they don’t even know its just some scandanavian shit and irish], and half mexican on his mom’s side), medium olive skin with freckles and moles, dark chocolate brown hair that’s a bit of a 2009 Beiber cut, warm brown eyes, not beefy, a lil thicc and self concious about it but squishy boys are GOOD. Gets bit by a werewolf so now he is one his mood on it is “thats a lot to unpack but let’s just throw the whole suitcase away”.

Zander. There is not one braincell in this man, himbo KING, pansexual dumbass with undiagnosed ADHD, no impulse control, head empty and full at the same time, PTSD, his fashion sense should be an actual crime, gets in fights to feel something, basic requirements for him to be attracted to you: kick his ass. Drinks his respect women juice, sees a folding table and must immediately launch himself on it, chaotic, cannot drive a car and will not, food aggression and eats enough for 3 people but never gains weight which is ILLEGAL, him and Lacie may be a couple.....but in this house we stan slow burn, he talks in caps and every sentence either ends with a question mark or exclaimation point, likes romcoms. 6’2, 190lbs, Sagittarius, age 19, austrailian roots and has the accent but is from [REDACTED FOR STORY REASONS], white, dorito shaped with long legs, blueish black hair that’s long and messy, dark navy eyes that match his hair, bigass neck scar from [REDACTED]. Not human

Peter. Gay dad friend who is TIRED of having to be in charge of a bunch of teenagers, only one with full functioning braincells, lowkey a genius who loves engineering, mixes magical technology with human technology because he likes to play god, is he ever sober? No one knows, will kill for a bottle of single malt, his fashion sense? Tastefully expensive suits perfectly tailored. Likes building his own weapons that no one else knows how to even use, generally non-threatening but can get scary if needed. 6’4, 140lbs string bean man, Scorpio, age 179 but looks early 30s, I know I said Lacie is the whitest human but he’s even paler like a literal sheet of paper with scandanavian roots/ancestors were vikings or some shit, blonde hair styled like 2013 Brendon Urie lmfao, light crystal blue eyes. He’s a vampire and was born one.

Danielle. Tiny, sweet, queen of girls supporting girls, comments on all her friends instagram posts with 20 emojis, LOVES fashion and has a wardrobe that would make anyone jealous, oozes feminine energy, only child and parents are in love still, gets exactly 8 hours of sleep each night and wakes up looking like a disney princess. Just because she is small and cute doesn’t mean you should underestimate her she WILL fuck your shit up. Quiet when angey which is terrifying. Josh is her bf and she loves him so much but also loves teashing the shit out of him. Legally cannot cuss, polite, used her high heels as a weapon once, speaks like 5 languages because studying them is her hobby, gardens, hugs everyone. 5’0, 110, Taurus, age 18, mixed (half french-american, half Korean-american), glowy skin always, PETITE frame aka the friend everyone can pick up when they hug, long past her waist curly brown hair, bright green eyes. She’s not fully human as she has fae blood in her and this gives her the ability to talk to and control plants. Flower crowns for everyone

Becca. Theater kid who would die to sing in Wicked and has the vocal range to do so, cannot wait to graduate and go to her dream college which she got into and a scholarship, closeted lesbian bc her whole giant family is extremely catholic and she feels like not dealing with it, “no boys allowed in bedroom” rule is her favorite joke, chill, middle child of 5 siblings and just wants some peace and quiet for ONCE. Her fashion sense is “I’m dropping subtle hints I’m gay but only to other gays”, has a black belt and took self defense classes. 5’6, 145lbs, Virgo, age 18, Latina (cuban and mexican mix), darker brown skin with light freckles over her nose, athletic build, eyebrows on POINT, bright caramel eyes, short light brown hair cut in a bob, has a tiny nose stud, always wears a blue friendship bracelet her gf made her. Human

Anika. Calling her a bitch/slut is a compliment, bisexual, a bit of a mean girl but she grows out of it give her time!!! Is always Too Much, the horny friend, favorite color is red so thats almost all of her outfits, loves to show off her body as much as she can because she’s hot and knows it and thrives in her own confidence. Her mom is literally like Regina George’s mom from Mean Girls but married a rich man 20 years older than her, Anika doesn’t know her bio dad but thats fine neither does her mom and her step dad is nice and does his best to be a dad. Becca’s gf, always hanging out at her home so Becca can get some quiet because Anika’s an only child and has a pool. 5’9, 135lbs, Gemini, age 18, white, long layered dark reddish brown hair, teal-blue eyes, swimmers body type (I normally do not mention bust size but she would want the internet to know she was blessed with big bahoogles so there you go), can sprint in heels. Half mermaid (boy was that a surprise considering her mom doesn’t know who her father is LOL)

Rex. Nb uses they/them he/him pronouns but honestly will respond to any, goth lite, only attracted to men and ace, can read minds so knows all your secrets, mischevious little shit, great friends with Zander and enjoys his dumbass thoughts and that he’s basically a human version of Jackass, wears too many rings, goth boots for kicking and fashion babey, always has the freshest memes and will not hesitate to roast in the group chat, hangs with the girls most of the time. Chaos god who loves making art, be gay do crime, skateboard and spraypaint. 5’8”, 165lbs, Leo, age 18, Native American, masculine frame, dark brown skin, blue eyes, firetruck red shoulder length hair that’s usually in a ponytail, knock-off gucci sunglasses just for judging their friends. Has magic in their blood so not entirely human and can cast spells and shit (don’t roast me its a wip and I’m doing my research)

Sam. Boho goddess, aromantic, makeup and nails are always instagram worthy, quiet and stoic type but losens up around close friends, Rex is her best friend, has some trauma and doesn’t want to talk about it, emotionally numbed out a bit and wants to purely vibe. Has seen some of the worst parts of humanity and wishes she hadn’t, finds no point in being bitter or resentful though because that won’t change anything, loves cats and once she moves out shes adopting one or three. Has wine aunt energy. 5’4, 200lbs PLUS SIZE QUEEN, Scorpio, age 18, Filipino (her parents are immigrants fun fact!), really olive skin sometimes has a grey/green tinge to it, dark brown almost black shoulder length hair, gold-hazel eyes. Sam’s the victim of a family curse that requires her to consume human hearts to survive, she can transform into a pretty scary looking being and uses this curse to hunt down pedoph*les, r*pists, murderers, and abusers. The less often she feeds the less human she looks, hence the constant grey/green tinge to her skin. 

Andy. Baby of the group, must be protected at all costs, 100% didn’t sign up to be in a friendgroup of 90% monsters but highkey loves it, trans, bi, anxiety MAXED, just wants to draw comics and cosplay spiderman, has to babysit his two younger sisters a lot because his parents are....not great, and as a result now knows all the lines to Tangled and The Little Mermaid. Big nerd energy, has to draw on everything including homework, gets inspiration for comics from his friends, awkward and socially anxious, drinks way too much tea and will accidentally steal your pens. Fears include: crowds, thunder, tall angry men, tiny spaces. Just trying his best. 5’2, 100lbs BEANPOLE BOY, Leo, age 16, white (irish and scottish roots), freckles absolutely EVERYWHERE, orangey red hair thats in desperate need of a haircut, chocolate brown eyes, braces, chronic nail biter. Human and kinda wishes he wasn’t.

That’s it for now if you read all this bless u thank u here is my whole heart. Please no discourse, literally these are fictional people I’ll never publish the books they go to.

[itsallabigmess]

Asking for Trouble

This scenario was based on an anonymous request.

A/N: I had a few days off - thanks to a holiday in my country - and I spent most of my free time on the couch rewatching “old” romcoms that I love. I miss that kind of movies (am I the only one?). They are not released very often these days - and the ones that are being released now don’t have the same charm the 90′s and early 2000′s romcoms had (in my opinion.).

So, since I was feeling kinda stuck (still am honestly and it clearly shows in this scenario), I got one of the requests I received for a “Friends with Benefits to Lovers AU” and mixed with a lot of the cliches of those movies And from that came this silly scenario. I hope you guys enjoy it.

Also, I’m super weak for blonde Mark so imagine him with the “Eyes On You/THE New Era” look in this scenario -- I need to write more stories with this dork as the main character (just as much as I need some time away from Jinyoung). And oh! JB is also included in this one.

Please let me know your thoughts! 

A.

The screens showed his flight had just landed. Finally. You arrived just an hour before and decided to wait for your friend at the airport. He didn’t know though. So, you had to rush to his gate, afraid he would just leave without you. And after a few minutes there he was.

It’s not that it was hard to recognize him. You were sure you could recognize your best friend anywhere, no matter how long you haven’t seen each other. But he certainly looked different.

“Mark!” you screamed and waved enthusiastically until he finally noticed you, the biggest of smiles opening in his face when his eyes met yours.

He walked to you, dropping one of his bags on the floor and hugging you, your feet getting off the ground with the action.

It’s been only six months since you last have seen each other. Still seemed too long. You always found yourself missing everything about him.

“I can’t believe you agreed with this,” you said once he put you back on your feet. “Thank you.”

It was a surprise when you received a call from one of your cousins telling you she was engaged. And not a minute after you started being bombarded with messages from other relatives. Everybody is so willing to remind you that you were still single. Sure that drinking wouldn’t be enough to deal with your family during the wedding, you called your best friend asking for help.

And now there you were. Mark was your plus one.

“Oh, come on, you’re doing me a favor. I needed some time off.” Mark picked his bag on the floor, passing the strap over his shoulder. “Besides, I missed you.”

Your lips curved up, you somewhat feeling shy. Mark always had that effect on you. “What’s up with the hair?” you asked, ruffling the sides of his new blond locks.

“It was a bet. But I kinda like it.”

“You should! It looks great,” you stated what seemed obvious. You always found Mark annoyingly handsome. Somehow the blond hair – and eyebrows - made him even more charming. It would be hard not to stare at him while he seemed distracted. As if your weekend wasn’t destined to be hard enough. But hopefully, you would have some fun.

After checking in a hotel and leaving your bags in the room you were sharing you went for lunch and shopping. Mark didn’t have a suit for the big day. And you still needed to find a dress. Happily, your cousin spared you from the burden of being one of her bridesmaids. You wondered how she would feel if you went to the ceremony wearing black from head to toe.

You helped Mark choose the right suit, and made him wait for you until you finally decided to buy more than one dress for yourself. It would be a long weekend after all. And you wanted to look great while trying to survive it.

Even apart, living in different cities since you both finished college, you and Mark always found time to text each other. It couldn’t be compared though, to being close to him, hearing him laugh. It made the hours you had before rehearsal dinner fly and, sooner than later, much for your displeasure, you found yourself mentally preparing to deal with your family.

It turned out the rehearsal dinner was in a somewhat luxurious cottage, not a restaurant as you expected. It should be no surprise, your cousin had told you before how loaded his fiancé family was. And seeing how some guests were dressed, you started to question your own wardrobe choices.

Chuckling at the faces you were making, but being the best companion you could ever have, Mark tried to reassure you, remembering you were not alone and you didn’t need to stay for the entire thing.

“Let’s have some fun,” he said, taking your jacket from you and winking before walking towards the coat check.

You looked around, trying to see if you could recognize any familiar faces, eyes opening wide when you hear your cousin screaming your name and rushing towards you, her slim arms hugging as tightly as she could.

“I’m so happy you are here! When haven’t seen in ages! You look so great!” she said in a breath. “But where is him? Where is your boyfriend?”

“My boyfriend?” you asked with a frown.

“Oh, come on, I saw you two earlier at the mall, being all cutesy together.”

“You saw me? Why you didn’t talk to me?”

“I was busy, buying some last things for the honeymoon. But don’t change the subject!” she grabbed your arm, leaning closer to whisper in your ear. “He’s much more handsome than I remember.”

“Lana, Mark is just my friend.”

“Yeah, right,” your cousin rolled her eyes. “Where is he, the family is dying to meet him! Oh hi!”

You looked over your shoulder to see Mark approaching, his eyes moving from you to your cousin’s excited gaze. The girl practically jumping to hug him.

Oh, you were in trouble.

“Mark, do you remember Lana?” you asked, giving a step back. You and Mark first met each other in college and since you didn’t study in your hometown, he never got the chance to meet your family. Except for Lana, who occasionally visited you. And since you were always hanging out with him, she got the chance to spend more than a few days with you in the past. And even if she didn’t, you had talked about him between your texts and phone calls enough for her to know exactly who he was.

“I’m so glad you joined us, Mark,” Lana started babbling again, not giving any time for Mark to respond “You have to meet the boys, you’re gonna join them on whatever they are planning for tomorrow night while I and the girls will do some nasty things. Don’t worry! No strippers allowed,” she winked, and you weren’t sure if it was for you or for Mark. “We are gonna have so much fun, cuz. And you two are such a cute couple! Ok, I gotta go.”

And then, Lana was already rushing towards another guest.

“Couple?” Mark asked, arms crossing in front of his chest.

You turned to him, covering your face with both your hands, “She saw us at the mall and assumed we were… dating.” You looked up at Mark, his expression was hard to read. “And I think she told everyone we are dating.”

“Okay,” Mark smiled after a minute of silence “Let’s do this.”

“What?! No, Mark. I can tell everyone we are just friends.”

“Didn’t you spent months telling me how much shit your family was giving you for still being single? You just found yourself a way out.”

“So, you wanna pretend you are my boyfriend?” you asked astonished.

“Why not?” Mark shrugged, holding you by the shoulders “Do you prefer to explain to everyone we are just friends and go back to the unnecessary judgment?”

“God, no,” you grumbled, throwing your head back. “But you’re sure you wanna do this?”

“As long as you promise we’re doing this because of your family, not because of him.”

“Who?”

Following Mark’s annoyed stare to the lounge area, you saw him, talking to some other guys. Your ex-boyfriend.

He was invited of course. More than that, he was also one of the groomsmen. You knew Jaebeom was friends with your cousin’s fiancé, but you never knew they were this close. Or at least they weren’t a year ago when you were still together. You haven’t spoken to him since you broke up. Since he broke up with you. And you were most definitely not expecting to see him tonight. Or ever again for that matter.

Holding hands, with fingers intertwined, you and Mark started to walk between guests, your parents soon finding you. It started fine, the introductions. Mark made sure to be the one to talk, which was a first. He always was one to keep it to himself. But then your uncles came, and some of your cousins, and family friends. And all the talk about you being the last single girl in the family flipped into a ‘thank God she found someone, she was never good at keeping a relationship.’

Miserable. That’s how you would feel the entire weekend. It didn’t matter if you had Mark with you or not.

You went out to catch a breath when comments start to get unbearable, Mark offering to get you a drink in the meantime. It was better, the quietness in the garden. You need to hug your bare arms as the cold breeze hits you.

“You look very nice,” Jaebeom’s voice sounded behind you.

You let out a heavy sigh, turning your body in his direction. He looked nice, which only made you annoyed. Jaebeom was always attractive. You thought so even before you started dating. And that wouldn’t change, no matter how much you asked for some divine justice from the universe.

He moved to give you a hug and you gave a step back, looking at him as if you could murder him right there.

“You don’t seem very happy to see me.”

“What gave you that idea?” you asked sharply.

“Honey?” Mark, your savior for the weekend appeared, his arm pulling you close by your middle, dropping a kiss on the top of your head. Mark sure was taking the role of fake boyfriend seriously. Not that you were complaining. “Aren’t you cold?”

“So, you two are a thing now?” Jaebeom asked.

“We sure are,” Mark squeezed you even closer.

Jaebeom crooked his neck, smiling huffily at you both. “You guys have a great night,” he said, going back inside.

“I hate that guy,” Mark released his grip on you but kept his touch on your lower back.

“You and I both,” you exhaled, looking as Jaebeom walked away.

“You sure? No remaining feelings for him?”

“Really?” you turned to face him “You do remember how I was after he broke up with me, right?”

“I remember it very well,” he smirked without looking at you, and you felt your cheeks burn, the image of you two laying in Mark’s bed making its way to your thoughts. “Do you wanna go inside?”

“Do we have to?” you pouted.

Mark chuckled. “I don’t really think anyone would notice us leaving.”

“There’s a barbecue place near the hotel…” you tilted your head to the side.

“I’ll get our coats.”

Maybe it was the fact you had woken up too early or maybe it was because your family always found a way to drain your energy, but as soon as you laid in bed after showering you felt exhausted.

You dozed off for a few minutes, waking up again when Mark turned the lights off, laying in his own bed, wishing a good night. You were wrong, you thought. It did matter that Mark was there with you. It was better with him.

The last time you two shared a room was right after Jaebeom had broken up. You called him, Mark being the only person you wanted to talk with. Even if you were certain that he would make you feel shitty about the whole thing. Mark never liked Jaebeom. He made that very clear, more than once. And maybe you should have listened to him. But people tend to get blind when falling in love and you were no exception.

When you got to his place, Mark didn’t say a thing. He listened and hugged you and made you company, allowing you to cry and curse as much as you wanted to. Then he bought you food and you two spend some hours in his bed, watching horror movies. And then you were kissing. Somehow you could not remember how or who started it. But Mark's lips were touching yours softly. And his hands were on your body, over and under the clothes your wearing. And not long after you were moaning uncontrollably.

Things got a bit weird after that day, you two not speaking for a few weeks. Until he reached out and made sure everything was okay between you two. You never told him how puzzled you felt with the whole thing.

It came to mind how since then Mark never touched you much. Until today. Hugging you at the airport, letting you hold his arm while you did your shopping, his hand always on you during the hours spent with your family. You liked it. As if he was somehow compensating you for all the months you spent apart.

You sneaked into his bed, Mark looking confused at you for a second but making space so you could lay with him the next second. You rested your head on his shoulder, he holding your hand over his chest.

“You okay?” he asked, voice already sounding sleepy.

“Yeah. Just didn’t want to sleep alone.”

“We are in the same room,” he said with a chortle, the caress of one of his hands on your arm letting you know that it was more than fine you were in his embrace.

“Thank you again for coming with me,” you lifted your head, the dim light coming from the bathroom letting you see the soft lines of his face.

“I’m glad I came. Your family really is something else,” he exhaled “But maybe things will be better at the wedding. They really bought our relationship.”

“Well, you are a great fake boyfriend.”

Mark chuckled, adjusting his body to be closer to you, giving a kiss on your forehead letting his chin rest on the top of your head as he fell asleep.

The truth was, you were certain Mark would also be a great real boyfriend.

Lana was already half drunk when you got to the bar where her bachelorette party was happening. You soon joined in the heavy drinking and dancing in the middle of the area were reserved just for that gathering.

You and your other cousin sat down after a while, shots of tequila being pilled up in front of you, the bride to be hugging you by the neck. “You were always my favorite cousin,” she would coo, dropping a kiss on your cheek before resting her head on your shoulder for a second or two. “I’m so happy you and Mark are together.”

“Lana…” You sighed feeling a bit guilty for lying, even though it was her own fault Mark and you were in that position.

“So, who confessed? It was him, wasn’t it? I never thought he would have the balls. He’s too shy. But I knew he liked you as soon as I saw you two together.”

“What?” you asked confused, the alcohol already making its work on your body.

“He always looked at you so lovingly, even I got a bit jealous. I love my boyfriend… Fiancé? Anyway, I love him but he’s too stiff sometimes. But really, cuz, I’m just happy you two decided to love each other… it’s been a long time coming.”

And then, Lana being Lana even drunk, she left you mid-sentence to found someone else to pay attention to her.

Feeling dizzy by all the drinking and confused about your cousin’s words, you let your head fall on the bar counter. Did she really think Mark had feelings for you? Or it was just the booze controlling her tongue. She was probably talking too much, thinking you and Mark were a real couple. Even you felt like you were after waking up with him hugging you and asking what you wanted for breakfast. But you and Mark were always incredibly close and sweet towards each other. And that was it. Just friends. Nothing else.

Mark was there to pick you up when the night came. You didn’t notice at first, still sitting at the same spot, drinking some coke. Lana, who was completely drunk was the one to let you know he was at the other side of the bar.

He was talking to someone else. A girl. One there was not at the party. Mark didn’t look interested in her.

Lana started giggling on your side, saying how someone was trying to get your guy. So maybe that’s why you did what you did next. Or maybe you were still drunk. But you walked to Mark and kissed him.

He could taste the alcohol on your lips. Which should be more than enough to push you away. But instead, he kissed you back, his fingers digging into the skin of your waist, pulling your body close to him.

“Hello,” he said when you finally broke apart, his face red.

“I don’t like girls hitting on you,” you said, tilting your head back, your eyes half-closed.

“I didn’t know you could be jealous of a fake boyfriend,” you could hear the tease in his voice, Mark brushing his nose on yours, his hands still on your waist.

“I don’t like it either,” you almost whispered, feeling heat grow inside your body. “Fake relationships.”

Mark smiled and you didn’t know what it meant until his lips found yours again, wet and sweat and so much better than the first time.

“I think it’s time to leave,” he said, resting his forehead on yours for a second, needing to catch his breath.

You rested against him on the way back to the hotel, the taxi not going fast enough for your liking. Mark was still touching you, his hand discreetly going up and down on your thigh. It was there again, the feeling you could not remember until a few minutes ago. Wanting Mark. Wanting to feel all of him in all of you. You felt it after breaking up with Jaebeom when you slept together. And you were feeling it now.

It was stronger though. Better. You weren’t hurting. You didn’t need consolation. You just needed him.

Entering the hotel, you had to look twice to make sure it was in fact Jaebeom sitting in the lobby. 

“What the fuck you’re doing here?” Mark snorted.

“Can we talk?” Jaebeom asked after getting close, looking straight to you.

“We have nothing to talk about.”

“It’s just a minute. Please.” Jaebeom pleaded.

Mark didn’t want to leave your side but agreed after you reassured him it wouldn’t take long, your ex-boyfriend waiting until there was no sight of him to be seen.

“Were you hooking up when we were dating?” Jaebeom asked, stepping in front of you a bit too close for comfort. “You were, weren’t you?”

“Seriously? That’s what you wanted to say?”

“I was hoping to talk to you yesterday. I wanted to apologize for everything. But then you showed up with him?! I always thought that something was going on with you two. Now I know. You were fucking behind my back!” Jaebeom growled.

“No Jaebeom, you were the one fucking someone else when we were together.” You tried to keep your voice down, anger taking over your body. “I never cheated you. That was your mistake. Not mine.”

“I don’t believe you!”

“Then why you are here? Why do you care?”

“Because… I felt really bad after we broke up. I never wanted to hurt you.”

You crossed your arms in front of you “And you realized that before or after the girl you were fucking dumped you?”

You waited for an answer, but Jaebeom was mute, opening his mouth a while after only to say your name.

“Save it, Jaebeom. I don’t wanna hear it,” you waved your hand, giving your back to him “Please don’t ever talk to me again.”

Mark was sitting on his bed when you entered the room, hands rubbing against each other. You let your body slowly fall on his side, you two in silence for a moment.

“He wanted to know if something was going on between us when he was still with me?” you finally said, your eyes on Mark’s hands.

“That’s ironic. What did you say?”

“The truth,” you shrugged “That I never cheated on him. Don’t think he’s gonna bother me anymore.”

You removed your shoes when you two became silent again, pulling your legs over the bed, occupying the space free behind him. You wish you were still drunk, to give you the boldness you knew you needed right now. But the altercation you had minutes before showed you were in total control of your thoughts.

“I need you to tell me something,” you said, Mark turning his face to look at you over his shoulder. “I need you to tell me that you didn’t kiss me just for the hell of it.”

“Do you think I would kiss you if I didn’t really want to?” he stared at his hands again. You could see there was some internal debate going on within Mark, which only made you nervous. You didn’t want to push him. But you knew this was a conversation that you needed to have. The same way you knew that waiting to talk in another moment would feel hellish for both of you.

“I was jealous of him,” Mark finally let out, his eyes still low. “Of Jaebeom. That’s why I didn’t like him. Well, one of the reasons,” He turned his body to face you, touching one of your legs lightly. “I already liked you before you started dating. I was trying to find a way to tell you. Guess I waited too long and lost my shot,” he smiled at you weakly, embarrassed.

“I wish you had told me. I always felt something for you” you confessed, something that you just noticed. Mark was always the first person on your mind every day. Always the one you wanted to spend time with, tell everything about your life. “I never thought you saw me as something other than your friend,” you touched his hand, he turning his palm up to hold yours.

“I almost did. After that night. But I knew you needed some time.”

You nodded quickly, biting your lower lip. “So, when I invited for the wedding…”

“I was just excited to spend so time with you again. I really missed you. But then you told me about Lana thinking we were together,” he gave a silly smile this time, and you couldn’t help to follow him. “I thought I could try again, tell you how I felt, show you how nice I could be to you.”

“I feel like I should be the one doing that,” you admitted, thinking how shitty it must have felt during the entirety of your relationship with Jaebeom, you now regretting all the times you talked about it with Mark, all the times you got mad at him for stating his hate for your now ex.

“You did when you came to my bed last night.”

“Mark, that shouldn’t be enough,” you laughed.

“You can let me take you out on a date after the wedding,” Mark said, moving to sit by your side, a hand moving to cup your face.

“Until then,” you got on your knees, arms wrapping around his neck, dropping a quick kiss on his lips. “Maybe I can try to compensate a little for the time we lost?”

“What do you have in mind?”

You leaned towards Mark again, pretending to move to another kiss only to get out of bed, walking towards the bathroom, removing your shirt and letting it fall on the ground.

“I should have confessed a long time ago,” Mark ruffled his hair, following your steps to the shower.

[krismusings]

The beginning. | Ro & Landon

Discord thread featuring: Roman, and @davieslandon

Where: London, Roman and Landon’s shared flat.

When: Nearly a decade ago.

Description: Roman gets his first directing job, and runs home to tell his boyfriend.

Trigger Warnings: too much cuteness.

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡

“LANDON!!! LA—“ Roman started yelling as soon as he entered the door of their tiny flat to slam right into his boyfriend, who clearly Ro had not been expecting to be so close to the entrance. What was he even doing?? He’d like to think the young male was just waiting by the door for Ro to get home like a longing dog, but maybe that was a little too romcom. “Christ, sorry.” He quickly apologized, and reached to straighten out Landon’s clothes like a fussing mother. They were so young, only eighteen, but it felt like they already knew what they were doing in life. It was easy to think they’d figured it all out at eighteen, out in their own, trying to make it in the big world! “I got it. They’re letting me direct the fall production at the local theater downtown. Youngest person to ever direct a play in the history of the company.” Ro mused with the back of his hand pressed to his forehead, as if he were about to passout like an overwhelmed southern belle. “Better get used to the spotlight baby, because you are now dating a celebrity.” Roman reached to act out a hair flip while brushing past the smaller to slink over to the couch.

LANDON

Landon lost count of how many times he turned to look at the clock hung by the kitchen window. Roman should have been ready by now but he was yet to receive a phone call or text. Shit. What if this meant he didn’t get it? His boyfriend was going to be crushed and Landon wasn’t sure what the right thing to say was in that situation. The tension was killing him so he got up and walked to the door, pacing up and down in front of it. He jumped a foot in the air when the door burst open and Roman walked in, yelling his name. They ended up bumping into each other and Landon almost lost his footing if it wasn’t for his boyfriend’s hands keeping him upright. Roman’s words finally registered in his brain and he threw his arms around the other boy, pretty much screaming in his ear. “Ro! I’m so proud of you! I knew you could do it, I just knew it.” He was rambling at this point but he couldn’t find it in himself to care; he was so proud. “I’ll make sure to get my outfit ready for your first red carpet”, he said, following his boyfriend and sitting down next to him. “You better not forget about your unpopular boyfriend when you make it to the top though.”

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡

They were both being overly dramatic, which seemed highly appropriate right now. Truly though, Roman had never been more excited about something in his life, and he really wanted to prove himself here. He could do this, he could fly above expectations!!! It really fucking helped that he had someone so supportive at his back though as well. Landon had been that one consistent in his life for almost as long as he could remember. He was that first light in the middle of a tunnel of darkness, and Roman was thankful. “Whatever, you’re essential to the formula.” He smirked, and threw an arm around the smaller’s shoulders. “Seriously - I couldn’t have done this without you. How many hours have you put in to listening to all my theater rubbish?”

LANDON

Landon had always known his boyfriend was destined to do great things. It was hard not to notice when he was watching him practice at every hour of the day. It was so rewarding to know other people were finally seeing what Landon had known all along. He couldn’t keep his smile at bay at being told he was essential and he cuddled closer to his boyfriend. “Too many to count. It was nothing special though, you know I don’t really get any of it so all I was doing was listening. This is all on you; on all the days of practice and of constantly trying so hard.”

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡

Roman just shook his head while Landon spoke, because he knew the boy was going to be humble, and give all the credit to Ro. Roman knew better though, he knew that Landon had spent countless hours listening, and doing his best to help and support Ro in any way he could without making him feel like he was wasting his time. If he hadn’t had that behind him, he didn’t foresee himself ever getting to this place. “Listen, I jus’ - I’m glad you’re here. I’m glad I have you.” Roman reached to grab his boyfriend’s hand, weaving their fingers together before pulling Landon’s hand to his lips. “I love you.”

LANDON

Hearing his boyfriend say he loves him was never going to get old, no matter how many times it happened. It felt so good to be with someone knowing you love them unconditionally and they feel the same way. They didn't have any of the drama and complications so many of their other friends had and Landon was proud of it. It's not like everything was perfect all of the time, they were only human after all. They argued just like any other couple but he was confident in the knowledge they could work everything out. At just eighteen, Landon lost count of how many times he was told they were too young and what they had wouldn't last but he never believed them. What was so wrong about falling in love at a young age? "I love you too. And I'm so happy I could be here to support through this. You know there's nowhere else I'd rather be."

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡

Roman scrunched his nose at the smaller, feelin’ the cheese with his sweet words, but fuck if he didn’t love it. Ro leaned in to place a quick peck on Landon’s scruffy jaw, and then one to the corner of his mouth with a shit eating grin. He was being a kissie monster, yes, I said kissie monster, which was only distracting for a split second before he realized he was starving. “You know what we should do?” He asked while jumping up off the couch despite having just sat down on it. “We should go out and have dinner, to celebrate!” He expressed with hands gesturing in the air, his eyes on his Chelsea boots that he’d kicked off at the door. “My parents wired me some money from Italy, why not spend a little on ourselves?”

LANDON

Landon bit his lip, a little unsure. The idea of going out for the dinner to celebrate was nice, especially since it wasn't something they got to do very often. Not to mention that Roman deserved it after his great success today. He just wasn't sure if they should be using the money sent to Roman by his parents to get food from an expensive restaurant when they could save some money by going somewhere cheaper. Maybe it was time he stopped worrying so much and kicking his pride over money to the side. After all, his boyfriend deserved this and more. "Sure, going out for dinner sounds like a great idea. Let me just change real quick and we can go, I look like a mess", he said, giving Roman a little peck on the lips before he made his way to their bedroom.

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡

Ro knew how Landon worried, especially about their expenses, and at times Roman found himself right there with the other. The thing though was, they’d never really been able to do much celebrating, not in the traditional meaning anyway. Ro’s usual go to was baking Landon a box cake with the intentions of cutting, and shaping it into something ridiculous like they enjoyed on food network. For Roman, it had always been about getting creative, and finding his own way to make a moment special, but maybe tonight he wanted something a little different. He wanted to sit across the table from his gorgeous boyfriend, wine and dine him a bit, show him off. There wasn’t anything wrong with that, was there? When they were finally seated, Roman felt the need to reach for the table cloth, feeling of the edges like the nosy little shit he was, even after the waitress had come to get their drink order. “Not used to eating at restaraunts with table coverings that aren’t meant to draw on.” Ro cracked a joke with a slight laugh, and then picked up a menu, which was what he should have been focused on from the start. “Please, relax and get whatever you want.” Roman advised while reaching across to grab Landon’s hand, able to sense that he might be freaking out a bit at the prices. “Mum and dad sent us plenty. They snagged a large bonus from the excavation site, and wanted us to spend some on us. So, no pressure, yeah?”

LANDON

Even though it was true that Landon was internally panicking after looking over the prices in the menu, he couldn't stop himself from smiling at the other's words. He knew him so well that he didn't even have to say anything before he was trying to reassure him. He let out breath he didn't even know he was holding and nodded. Landon wasn't about to ruin his boyfriend's night by giving in to his panic and, if it was true Roman's parents sent him so much, then there was nothing wrong with enjoying himself, right? He made a mental note to still be a little careful over what he ordered but he nodded and smiled at the other boy. "You know this is our first proper fancy date? You shouldn't spoil me like this, I might just start getting used to it", he teased with a little laugh. "Don't forget to thank your parents for me, by the way. I appreciate that they thought of us."

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡

Landon was so adorable, and angelic, like a little piece of heaven in an overly expensive chair. You could practically see the halo around his little perfect head. Sometimes Roman thought Landon was too good for him, that he’d finally see through to his deep seeded flaws, and issues of the past that he chose not to talk about. Ro’s adoptive parents were amazing - I mean, who could say their parents were historical researches out digging around in the lost city of Pompeii? They were kind, and thoughtful, and had tried their best to give Roman a new life, and what he needed from the moment they took him over. But, there were still the years he’d endured with his birth mother, the woman who didn’t quite put Ro as high on her list. He saw things a child never should, and he’d be lying if he said it didn’t mess with him sometimes. “I did know this is our first proper fancy date, and if you must know, I plan on spoiling your flawless arse until we’re old and soggy. There! I said it!” He held up his hands, and then sat back in his chair. He knew what he would be ordering, and was now looking around for their waitress who should be able to read his mind with these prices. “I’ll tell them, they’ll be glad to hear it I’m sure. They like you more than me anyway.” He joked.

LANDON

"Now that you've said that I am most definitely going to hold you to it so there's no going back." The thought of growing old together scared Landon sometimes. He didn't doubt that they loved each other and would do their utmost to stay together but sometimes his doubts were too loud to ignore. It was clear that Roman's career was just getting started and Landon was taking a gap year before he tried to apply to a few universities, even ones outside of the UK. What was going to happen if he got accepted and had to move all the way to America? He couldn't ask his boyfriend to move with him at the risk of affecting his chances at getting more important jobs. He shook his head, trying to rid himself of these thoughts. This wasn't the time to be panicking over the future of their relationship. Today was all about celebrating Roman's success and getting to enjoy a nice dinner together. "Oh please, your parents adore you. They only like me because I keep them updated on everything you're doing when you're too busy becoming famous to let them know what you're doing." Landon looked at the menu one last time to confirm what he was going to order. Worries about the price aside, he was excited to get to taste their fancy food. Usually, his idea of eating out consisted of getting a burger from McDonald's or something so this was something very new for him.

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡

Roman gave his boyfriend a cheeky grin when he called him on his word, feeling ridiculously giddy enough to make his knee bounce below the table. This was so out of their element, and different from anything they could have pictured doing together, but they deserved it. That was that. Ro gave the boy a playful eye roll when he spoke about his parents, knowing they did like the way Landon kept them updated. Roman was just a busy guy, he didn’t text his parents like he should. But in a way, he’d still kind of always felt a slight disconnect there, knowing they were good people who were kind enough to give him a good life, but they weren’t his parents really. “I wanna try the duck, but I’m scared.” Ro admitted while leaning back in his seat dramatically with one leg over the other. “What if i hate it, and cause a scene?” Of course they both knew Roman was worried because it would be money down the drain, but he decided to go with a ridiculous reason instead.

LANDON

Landon could totally imagine his boyfriend acting dramatic if he ordered the dick and didn’t like it but he knew that wasn’t what he was really worried about. “I think I’ll play it safe with some pasta. So if you get the duck and you don’t like it we can always switch?” he offered. At least that way they wouldn’t be wasting anything. This might not be something they did everyday, but now that they were here Landon was determined to make it worth it. He wanted it to be special, after all they were celebrating Roman. So if his boyfriend wanted to order duck, that’s what he would have. “If both of us hate it we’ll share the pasta and get the duck as take away. I’m sure we’ll find someone who likes it.”

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡

Roman had to smile when his boyfriend tried to weigh out the pros of ordering duck, and how the could deal with it if he didn’t like it. Landon was always so good with that, taking issues, and turning them around into working solutions. It’s what made them such a good combo, they balanced eachother out, and fit like puzzle pieces. Aww. “Okay, you’ve convinced me.” Roman pointed at the smaller, and then proceeded to order the duck along with Landon’s pasta. “Okay. So. I know that tonight is to celebrate the directing thing, but it’s also officially thirteen years since we met. Did you know that?” Of course he didn’t know that, only Roman would be particular enough to remember a date like that. However, to be fair, it was the day after he’d been adopted officially. He’d always remember that.

LANDON

With everything going on lately, the date completely slipped Landon’s mind. His only focus was on Roman’s upcoming audition and helping him out as much as he could. The reminder of the special occasion made Landon bite his lip, feeling bad that he didn’t remember on his own. “Oh shit, that’s today? Now I get why you wanted to come to a nice restaurant so much.” Roman brought him to a nice dinner to celebrate their first meeting anniversary and Landon didn’t even get him anything because he forgot; he definitely wasn’t going to win any perfect boyfriend awards any time soon. “Thirteen years is a really long time. I cannot believe you’ve tolerated my ass for all this time,” he joked. “Can you believe we were only five years old when we first met? School would have sucked without you there.”

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡

“Thirteen years is a long time. Most of our lives.” Ro nodded, letting out a small snicker at Landon said he couldn’t believe he’d tolerated him so long. “I could say the same to you, maybe even more so.” He said honestly, his fingers spinning his wine glass around by the stem of the glass. “You were there for me during the hardest, most confusing time of my life. You made me feel like a kid again, which sounds dumb, but I was a five year old boy who’d seen things no adult should even see. You brought me so much joy.” Ro was getting corny, but he couldn’t help himself. It was a romantic night, and you can’t spell romantic without Roman, right??? “I got you something. It’s - jus’ a promise.” He muttered while digging in his pocket for the small box, pushing it towards his boyfriend. “It reminded me of your eyes, and I want you to think about me when you see it.”

LANDON

Thirteen years. Wow. Hearing it out loud finally drove home the fact that they'd known each other for most of their life. Roman was his first ever friend at school and it was both a amazing and surprising that there friendship was still going strong. Stronger than ever actually, considering they upgraded to even more than friends. The others in their little friend group were always jealous of what they had together and now Landon was starting to understand why. What were the chances of finding your soulmate at five years old and be lucky enough to fall in love and be together thirteen years later? Landon wasn't really sure where his boyfriend was going with his little speech. It kind of sounded like- but no, surely Roman wasn't thinking of proposing. When the other said he got him something Landon fought not to let his jaw drop to the ground. Shit. So many thoughts were running through his head in those few short seconds. They were eighteen, everyone would say they were crazy if they got married now. But, they loved each other so it couldn't be that crazy. He was shaken out of his thoughts when he realized Roman was still talking and saying something about a promise. Oh. He picked up the box the other boy pushed towards him and opened it up. It was beautiful. Taking it out of the box, he was quick to put it on and tried to hold back his tears when he realized the inside was blue, just like his eyes. "This is stunning Ro, I don't even know what to say. God, I didn't even get you anything." The beauty of the ring was enough to distract him from his surprising disappointment over it not being a proposal.

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡

Roman watched his boyfriend closely when he opened the box, Adam’s Apple bobbing from nerves, worrying that this was a bit much. It wasn’t a hugely expensive ring, but he’d thought of Landon when he saw it, so he had to have it. He shook his head immediately when the smaller said he didn’t get Ro anything, because that definitely was not why he’d made this purchase. “No, I mean, it’s not like it’s our actual anniversary. I don’t want anythin’, I jus’ want you. That’s the point.” He smirked, and chewed on his lip the second their waitress decided to bring their food. Odd timing, but at least it was quick. “So. You do like it, really?” Roman pressed further, just wanting to make sure.

LANDON

The more he looked at the ring, the more he fell in love. It was simply beautiful and he was definitely going to be wearing it with pride. Landon wasn't expecting their food to be placed in front of them while he was still in shock over the gift he received. As if he was going to be able to eat after such a surprise. He looked up directly into his boyfriend's eye, wanting him to see just how much he meant it. "I love it Ro, this is the best gift you could have ever given me. Thank you so much, I love you." Even with the food right in front of them, Landon got up from his seat and pulled Roman in for a quick kiss. It wasn't anything too heavy, considering they were still in a restaurant after all, but he needed to do something to show him just how much he appreciated it.

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡

Roman watched his boyfriend with an adoring smile while he just stared at the ring, taking it in, and seeming to love it as much as he hoped it would. Roman was actually shocked when Landon got up to round the table, and give him a kiss, but he returned it with vigor, his cheeks slightly blushed when it was done. He was over the moon at this point, even happier than he had felt to get his new directing opportunity. In fact, he’d forgotten about that for a moment, and that was a big ass deal. “Good - I’m glad you love it. And, I’m glad you love me. Thank you for always loving me.” Roman said, cheesy as Wisconsin cheddar covered heartattack. What?? “You’re the most important thing to me. I jus’ don’t want you to forget.” He muttered before slicing up the meat on his plate, and taking a bite without even looking at what he was eating. “I forgot I got duck, and was expecting something else, and was very taken off guard.” He snorted at himself, and then chewed the rest of what he’d chipmunked in his cheek. “S’not bad though. How’s yours?”

LANDON

Landon got back to his seat and dug in to his pasta, although his eyes kept drifting down to his new ring. He was never going to get used to having a promise ring on his finger, and one given to him by Roman. He couldn't wait to get home and call his mum to let her know. She was going to be even more excited than him, judging by how much she loved his boyfriend. His sisters would also be over the moon and insist he recount the whole story to them, although maybe he should leave out the part where he thought he was being proposed. That would just embarrass him in front of his siblings and they had more than enough stories to make fun of him with. They didn't need one more. Landon burst out laughing at Roman's reaction over the duck. Of course he forgot all about their agreement in case he didn't like it. "I'm glad you like it. Mine's amazing. Switch?" It was a thing they did when eating out by ordering different dishes so they could try out something different.

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡

Ro loved Landon’s laugh, so of course he smiled wide when the boy responded to his over dramatic reaction, easily pushing his plate towards the smaller when he asked to switch. They did this pretty much anywhere they ate out, used to sharing more than maybe other couples did. Kinda came with being a bestmates/boyfriends combo. “Mmmm this is good.” Ro groaned as soon as he tried a bite of Landon’s pasta, and then grabbed his wine to take down a few hearty gulps. “Are you happy, babe?” He felt the need to ask, not because he wasn’t sure, but because he just...really wanted to hear it outloud right now.

LANDON

Some of their friends from their usual group sometimes made fun of them for the way they behaved. They said there was no need to share everything and, while Landon was sure that was the case for other couples, it was different different when you happen to be dating your best friend. You don’t just stop doing things you did as friends just because you’re in a relationship. Besides, anyone who didn’t agree with their sharing system was stupid. They got to taste two dishes at the same time. Landon called that really smart thinking. He looked up at Roman’s question and smiled. “I don’t think I could be any happier right now.”

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡

Landon's response, although he'd practically expected it, made Roman's face break out into possibly the widest grin he'd ever managed in his short eighteen years of life. All he'd ever really wanted, even above directing his first play, was to make this boy happy - from day one. They were just kids when they met, and had developed an instant bond that never wavered, not once. Where Roman went, so did Landon, so naturally Ro only assumed that this would be the way things worked from here on out. "Good. Me, too." He nodded, cheeks now sore from his intense smiling, even reaching to rub his cheeks, and stretch his jaw. "Making me smile so bloody much, I'm sure to pull summat in m'face." Roman eyed his boyfriend, and then reached for his hand. "As long as I've got you, I don't need anythin' else."

[treasureboys]

take #2

who?: treasure 13’s kim junkyu

genre: ☀️

type: bullet point

treasure map

actor! AU

this movie sucks but junkyu doesn’t

a/n: this is a cute prompt from @dailyau , creds to them!!

disclaimer: pictures used do not belong to me and credit goes to their original owners

this is purely a work of fiction

DO NOT READ IF TRIGGERING

~

“no,” you shake your head firmly. “I’m not spending coin on this stupid movie.”

“PLEASE___! IT’s tHE BEsT ROMCOM THIS SUMMER!” your friends beg

you sigh, glancing back at the trailer

It was so typical and cliché! As if any dude in real life was like that!

your friends practically swooned when the male lead came on screen again

and while he was attractive, you wish his character had been more developed so you could appreciate it too

now he was just the popular boy-next-door who fell for his quirky nerdy new neighbour

it sounded like a bad fan-fiction

but your friends were adamant that this was the perfect weekend midnight show

so...10 minutes later, you were seated inside the nearly empty theatre

there was only another group of friends and a few couples watching the late show

Just as the movie was about to begin, a young man strolled in and sat in the seat next to you

he looked very suspicious in that mask and cap get up

but, you decided not to question and focus on the movie

maybe it would be worth giving up some hours of sleep

IF the movie could even keep you awake😔

“a-are you kidding me?” you mumbled through a mouthful of popcorn. “he’s a horrid guy! let him go girl.”

“Sh!” your friends hissed. “He’s the lead for a reason.”

“Yeah, b-but why do they always have to be bad boys or perfect prince charming with a side of asshole.” you complained.

perhaps you misheard, but the man beside you seemed to be stifling chuckles

“ugh you’ll understand soon,” your friends groaned

but you didn’t

Even as they gushed about how perfect the movie was, you couldn’t find it entertaining

it was...typical

ok maybe the little twist at the end was cute

but you felt it was very one-dimensional

8 different movies with the same plot had been forced down your throat

“i-it’s so underwhelming...I expected a lot from XXX director ,” you muttered to yourself

“which part of it?”

you jumped at the suddenness of the question which definitely wasn’t from your friends

it was from the masked man next to you

“I-I...I just find it predictable and nothing new. Especially the part when she-“

you have a lot to say about it

he doesn’t say anything, only nods and tries to hide a smile behind his mask

“Nothing against the actors or anything. Maybe...maybe I just wanted more development.” you sigh. “I wanted to love it.”

“You a screenwriter? Director?” He asks

“Well...I just write for fun, sometimes. My cousin is a director though! She’s actually under the same company as XXX director and screenwriter.” you reveal.

He hums in reply, brow quirked with curiosity

The movie ends before you know it and you nearly dash out of the theatre

“It was...mediocre. B-better than expected maybe.” you try to be as understanding and non-judgmental as you can

“See! I knew it would grow on you!” your friends giggle

They leave for 2 seconds to throw away their empty popcorn bins

you spot the same dude that you sat next to

wow his face is much clearer in the light

he...he kind of looks like someone

it is that striking gaze

w-where have you seen that gaze before?

but before you can wreck your brain, he simply waves goodbye and is ushered away by a middle-aged man

strange

you never got a chance to catch his name

~

“are you sure about this?” you questioned your cousin again

she rolled her eyes. “Yes, don’t worry about it. If my boss has an issue with me using my lunch break to hang out with my favourite cousin then he can take it up with me.”

you sigh. “I know, just worried y’know. One of your projects just got chosen for production, there’s so much to be done!”

She smiled. “Then can’t we make it a spa day to relax and unwind?”

you shot her a flat look. “No.”

both of you crossed the road in the direction of your beloved stew restaurant

“I’m so glad this is opposite the office.” your cousin declared. “So many workers and talents come here to eat lunch. Let’s hope we get a good spot.”

it’s a lucky day because you guys do get a nice booth

“So tell me,” you probe after ordering the classic kimchi-stew. “How’s the new project coming about?”

“Good, good. Sooo much work I can barely take a break but...it’s so nice to be busy like this,” she speaks from her heart, dreamy-eyed

“Oh! Actually, that’s the main lead over there!” She points to a table with a couple of boys sitting at it

probably with production crew and managers

“That’s Choi Hyunsuk, our protagonist and...our antagonist Kim Junkyu.”

Kim Junkyu?

why does he look so familiar?

“It’s so funny. Junkyu usually gets the role of prince charming, but he auditioned for the role of the villain.” she giggled

always a prince charming? a boy-next-door character?

Hyunsuk notices your cousin and gives a friendly wave.

He then excuses himself and walks over to your table

This causes Junkyu to turn around for a glance

And a glance is all you need

those damn familiar eye

it’s him

the man who sat next to you in the cinema

the actor

oh my god

your mind goes blank and your face turns 15 different shades of scarlet

your head turns so fast your neck hurts

but Junkyu is already making his way over with a mischievous grin

“Junkyu! Hyunsuk! Guys, this is my cousin ___.” your cousin introduces, completely oblivious

“um hi,” you mumble, clasping your chopsticks so tight they might crack

“I’m Hyunsuk,” beams the blonde. “Your cousin talks a lot about you.”

again, you can’t stop the pink glow

“I’m Junkyu.”

ohoNoNOOHNO

“h-hi.”

you cannot even look at him, much less look him in the eye

there’s not an ounce of courage left in you

“haha i think it’s just strange for ___ to see y’all act in such roles. Junkyu’s usually the boy-next-door. What made you change your mind?” your cousin attempts to diffuse the situation

“Oh that,” You can practically hear the smirk in his voice. “Well, let’s just say someone offered me a very useful piece of advice on...versatility.”

~

it’s been a week since that mortifying incident and today

well, you’re terrified that it’ll happen again

reason being, you’re back at your cousins office

but today, you’re here just for 15 minutes at most

She forgot her inhaler at your place and since you’d rather be safe than sorry, you decided to drop it off

“____ darling! Thank you!” your cousin sings as she marches across the building lobby

you notice that her hair is out of place and there’s lint on her blazer

“ooh we’re actually on one of the sets right now, would you like to come watch?” she suggests

“ I-“

“Come on! It’ll be fun. Everyone is having a short break now.”

And zoom, you’re rolling past a dozen buildings and sets on one of the most prestigious film houses

once on set, your cousin pretty much introduces you to the whole crew

you swear you spot Junkyu somewhere in the flurry of faces

“um woah are you okay? why’s your face so red?” your cousin places a hand on your forehead

!!!

“um haha i guess i just need to cool down.”

she nods. “There’s a vending machine just outside on the left.”

you quickly excuse yourself and seize the moment to calm down

Junkyu takes this opportunity to slip outside as well

“Hey,”

shocked, your finger slips and the code for your beverage is wrong

“Sorry about that,” Junkyu apologises, blushing

“You wanted this right?” He collects your favourite soda from the machine

and handing you the change

“Y-yeah. H-how did you-“

“I uh noticed that day.”

that day

now it’s your face getting hot

“I’m...I’m really sorry for bashing your acting and your character! It’s not that you’re bad at acting, it was just a very stiff role but I’m still so sorry! I really-“

He signals for you to stop, chuckling

“Hey, if it wasn’t for your comments, I wouldn’t have challenged my versatility as an actor. So...thank you.”

THUD THUD THUD

there’s short silence where you exchange sodas and pop the lid open

And then you both take a slow sip

“How about a take 2?” you suggest bravely, holding out a hand

please take it, please take it

Junkyu examines it with a small, amused smirk

...before clasping it

“Sure, I’m Junkyu.” :D

[hosseocc]

The Delivery

Word count: 3736

Pairing: Reader x Mystery

Genre: Thriller, angst, Stalker!au, Non-idol!au

Warning(s): Mild violence and swearing

A/N: My first ever fic! 

(Not my gif, credits to owner!)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Read: next

4th January

This was the first day. At first it I didn’t think anything about it, just considered it a lousy prank call by some kids. I was in the kitchen when the phone rang. Making my way over to the TV stand, I answered it.

“Hello?”

But there was no answer. I waited a couple of seconds before repeating myself.

“Anybody there?” After no answer yet again, I sighed and hung up. Making my way back to check on breakfast, I instantly forgot about the call when I realised I’d left the pan on high heat and burned my eggs.

 11th January

I’d gotten two more calls like the first one over the same week, but each one left me feeling wary and creeped out. The second one was on a Tuesday morning after I’d just gotten out of the shower, towel still wrapped around me and hair still dripping. Thinking it was my parents, I walked towards the phone with a skip in my step.

“Hello??” The same silence that I’d already forgotten about came from the other line.

“Mum? Is that you?” when the silence continued to hum, I moved the phone from my ear to check the caller ID, but it said private number. When I moved it back next to my ear, I heard the silent breaths. I should have said something at the time, but my curiosity got the better of me, so I stayed quiet. Only when the breathing got heavier and louder did I hang up suddenly feeling exposed. Reminding myself to check to see who’s calling before I pick up next time, I went to bed.

That same night however, my landline rang again and feeling annoyed as soon as I saw ‘private caller’, I answered it, already hearing the heavy breathing when I put it next to my ear. “Look, I don’t know who this is but whatever you’re trying to do isn’t funny. Stop calling me and grow up. If you’re just going to waste my time breathing down the line you can kiss my ass” I fumed, not caring about the consequences of my words. I hung up and slammed the phone down, pulling the wire out of the plug socket.

 The next day, I walked back from my classes trying not to think about the calls. Was it someone I knew? Not many people had the landline number so already my list of potential suspects was narrowed down. In fact, only to three people; my mum, dad, and landlord. There was no possible reason for them to prank call, but I had to check. So later that day, I rang my parents to ask. Sitting down on the sofa in my living room, I waited for my mum to pick up.

“Hello?” immediately feeling better upon hearing her voice, I smiled and relaxed.

“Hey mum, it's me”

“I know, y/n, I saw your caller id” she replied.

“Oh yeah, right. I forgot about that. How are you?”

“Yes, I’m fine sweetie. Is everything okay? You never usually call first” she asked, sounding concerned. Immediately feeling bad, I remembered about how I usually forget to call back my parents or give them calls just to see how they’re doing. I made a mental note to start making more of an effort.

“Yeah, I’m okay just calling to check up on you and dad. Have you guys been ringing my landline lately? I keep getting calls” I asked, whilst turning the tv on to see the latest crime show on.

“No honey, we haven’t. We’re more likely to call your mobile anyway, it might be some scam calls, just ignore them” she told me.

“Yeah, I will…I’ll call you tomorrow mum. Bye, love you” I said, hanging up after hearing her farewell. That crossed my parents off the list, and I wasn’t even going to bother asking my landlady knowing she’s too old for it and would probably kick me out for asking something so absurd. Looking up from my phone to the tv, I watched as the actress ran away from a stalker down the stairs in her home before falling to her demise. Suddenly feeling sick, I switched if off and went around the flat making sure every window and door was locked.

When I sat back down, I wrapped a blanket around me, wondering if I was being stalked. It was a silly thought, but a valid one nonetheless. I’ve only received three phone calls but that’s how most cases start, right? It’s only a matter of time before I answer another call to hear how somebody wants to kill me. It’s not like I’m a difficult target either; a young university student living by herself in a flat near campus because dorms are just too expensive. I didn’t have any relatives near me, only a few friends at uni but that was it. Thinking back to the tv show, I realised it might not be impossible for me to live out the same fate as the girl being attacked. Shivering at the thought, I decided to stop thinking about it and ordered takeout to distract myself.

When the doorbell rang half an hour later, I ran to grab money before swinging the door open.

“Pizza delivery for y/n?” The delivery man asked handing out the food to me. After looking at him for a couple of seconds, I realised how cute he was and tried not stare. I took it smiling and thanking him, whilst I fumbled around for the money I could’ve sworn I just had in my hand.

“Not trying to swindle me are you” he chuckled before crossing his arms and leaning against the door frame, realising I didn’t have money.

“I swear I just had the money” I answered, feeling flustered and embarrassed. Moving the pizza box to the side I saw the note on the floor and sighed in annoyance. When did I drop that? The deliveryman must have noticed it too because we both moved to pick it up at the same time causing our hands to touch, before we both looked at each other.

He offered a smile and I couldn’t help but realise how cliché this situation was, so before I made a fool of myself, I quickly grabbed the money and stood up, wishing I was less clumsy. Following my actions, the deliveryman stood letting out a low sigh, and stood awkwardly before I handed him the money.

“Sorry about that, I tend to be clumsy sometimes” I apologised.

“No worries, it feels like the set up of an old romcom doesn’t it? This must be the part where I ask for your number and you give it to me, promising to order again the same time next week” he replied. I just stared at him taken aback by his confidence, before laughing out.

“Is this part of the job description, flirting with customers to increase sales?” I joked raising my eyebrows.

“You got me there” he laughed “I’ve also been told to invite customers into the restaurant on Saturday nights at 7pm” he slyly suggested. Feeling my mood suddenly shift and remembering about my pizza, I decided to close the conversation.

“Maybe if you give me a discount next time, I’ll think about giving you my number” I quickly rambled before saying bye and shutting and locking the door. I silently watched through the peephole as his smile fell and he began to walk away.

Sitting back down, I realised I may have come across as rude. But in my defence, I never give my number out to strangers, even if they are cute and besides, who suggests their work place for a first date? Putting those reasons aside, I also turned him down because I remembered him calling me by my name when I know for a fact I didn’t give it to the man over the phone when ordering the food.

It’s safe to say I won’t be ordering from there again.

The following day was my day off with no classes and I was supposed to be meeting my best friend for lunch. Rushing into the café, panting from having ran all the way from the bus stop, I looked at my watch to see that I was 20 minutes late. I walked over to the corner where I spotted Jennie glaring at me through her glasses, trying to ignore the stares from people who saw me run into the café as if my life depended on it. And I began to believe it did because Jennie was staring at me with such intensity I wanted the ground to swallow me up. Sitting down opposite her and sheepishly smiling I apologised for being late.

“This is the third time this week y/n, you need to learn how to get out of bed” she said, relaxing as her angry expression washed away. One of my biggest flaws was always being late due to my excessive desire to stay in bed. I was shamelessly lazy and did nothing to try and change it. Jennie should be used it by now, but because she’s a perfectionist, she gets annoyed every single time it happens, which makes me wonder how we’re still best friends.

“I know, I’m going to change I swear” I exclaimed already knowing my attempts would fail.

She rolled her eyes, “We both know that’s not going to happen. You’re lucky I love you and can tolerate it. Anybody else would have left your sorry ass by now” she remarked. I glared at her before telling her to shut up as we bickered back and forth. This was how it always goes, she tells me off for being late and I always apologise promising to be on time, but it never works, which ends up creating a cycle of sarcastic comments between us both.

We were stopped by the barrister bringing our drinks and food over before they smiled and walked away, looking like they didn’t want to get in the middle of our squabbling. Confused because I hadn’t ordered yet, I looked up at Jennie.

“I ordered five minutes before you got here because I knew you would be late. If I ordered when I got here, it would have been cold by now” she said, taking a sip of her coffee.

I smiled at her and cooed “This is why I love you, you know me so well” before jokingly blowing her a kiss. She pretended to flick it away with her hand as we tucked into our lunch.

When we finished eating, she held out her phone to me and played a video. “Did you hear about this? Poor guy got beaten up and left unconscious in an alley on the way to a delivery near our area last night by some thugs. They haven’t caught them yet though, what absolute pricks” I heard her say. I looked up at her and shook my head. The video had surfaced over social media and showed a before and after picture of a young boy around our age who had a black eye and bruises covering his face. The reporter was reading out pleads of help to find the perpetrators and information about the victim. Gasping, I widened my eyes when I heard that he worked at the chain I ordered from last night.

“Hey, I ordered from here last night” I told Jennie, handing her back her phone. Who would do something like this?

She widened her eyes and adjusted her glasses, “Really?! Do you think he was delivering to you?” shaking my head, I told her I got my food delivered by a different guy. I was about to tell her about my exchange with him last night, when my phone rang. I looked at the caller id, it said private number. I hesitated but answered anyway.

“Hello?”

“Is this Miss y/n y/l/n?” I heard a firm voice ask.

“Yes, who’s calling?”

“This is Detective Han calling from the police station, I’d like to talk to you about an incident that occurred last night. Are you available to meet right now?” he asked. I froze and instantly figured it was something to do with the deliveryman being attacked. I told him I’d make my way over there shortly before he hung up. 

“Who was it?” Jennie asked, noticing my mood change.

“The police. They want to question me about what happened last night” I said, still shocked. Jennie’s eyes widened, and I began to gather my stuff, before leaving some money to pay for my meal. I told her it’s probably because I ordered from there and they want to rule out any possibilities. At least that’s what I hoped it was, but I had a feeling something more sinister was going on. I bid her farewell and promised to call her later before making my way to the station.

When I reached there, I was nervous for some reason as if I was the suspect being questioned. I sat in the waiting room for a couple of minutes before a man with messy hair who looked like he had run his hands through it a hundred times out of frustration called out my name. I stood up and made my way over to him, fumbling with the straps on my bag. I’d never been to the police station for questioning before and suddenly felt extremely intimidated. I greeted him, and he nodded his head at me before motioning to follow him. We walked down the hallway through the back into a room that looked a lot like the rooms I’d seen in the movies; a table in the middle with two chairs opposite each other and a big one-way window on one wall.

“Please sit, can I get you some water to drink?” he asked. I sat in the chair opposite the big window and politely asked for water before he turned around and poured water from a jug into a cup that I hadn’t seen when I walked in. I thanked him and took a big gulp before placing it on the table. I noticed him closely watching me before speaking.

“You seem nervous” he stated.

I breathed out before answering, “This is my first time in a police station, sorry” apologising, feeling like I was being told off.

“It’s okay, there’s no rush. Take your time okay?” he said, before opening a note book.  “Before we start, I’d like to ask a few questions about yourself”. Then, he began questioning me. “How old are you?”

“I just turned 20 years old” I responded, gripping my cup of water.

“What is your current occupation?”

“I’m a university student” I answered, even though I’m pretty sure he already knew this information about me.

“Okay, and can you read out your current home address and mobile number for me please?” he asked. After answering him, he turned the page and looked at me, folding his hands together. “Now, I’m going to ask you questions regarding the investigation”.

I nodded and took another sip of my water.

“Do you know why I’ve called you here today?” he asked. I shook my head even though I had an idea of what it could be, I didn’t want to say anything in case I was wrong.

He pulled out documents of what looked like phone records and two pictures.

“Miss y/l/n, are you aware of the events that took place two blocks from your flat building, involving Mr Kim, who was attacked on delivery, last night at approximately 9pm?” he questioned. Mr Kim must have been the victim, I thought.

“I briefly heard about what happened earlier today, yes” I answered. He nodded in response to my answer and carried on.

“Miss y/l/n, you called Perfect Pizza last night at 8:24pm didn’t you?” He asked, showing me the phone records. I looked down and saw my phone number and time of call highlighted. I looked at Detective Han and nodded my head.

“Yes, I did” suddenly feeling worried, was I a suspect or something? “Do you suspect me for the accident?” I asked, furrowing my eyebrows and sitting back in the chair. Detective Han sighed and showed me the pictures that I recognised from the video Jennie showed me earlier.

“Your number was the last one to call before Mr Kim set off for delivery. He was attacked on the way to your address” he said looking me in the eyes.

“What? You mean he was supposed to deliver to my house?” I asked, extremely confused and weirded out. “That’s impossible” I stated.

“What do you mean?” he interrogated, leaning closer to the table.

“I had my food delivered last night, by someone else. I don’t think Mr Kim was delivering to my house” I spoke. The detective looked just as confused as me at this point.

“You mean to say you got your food, by another worker from Perfect Pizza, last night after Mr Kim was attacked? Records from the restaurant show that he was the one scheduled to deliver to your home.” he added, looking through more documents.

“It must have been another worker” I answered, not knowing where this was going.

“Can you identify the worker at all?” he handed me a piece of paper with images of what looked like all the employees at the pizza place.

“Sure” I said, looking down at the pictures. Scanning the faces on both pages, I double checked before speaking. “He’s not on here” I said handing the paper back to him.

“What?” Detective Han seemed to whisper to himself. “Are you sure? Please check once more” he insisted. So, I did but to no avail. None of the workers here even slightly resembled the man I came face to face with last night.

“Miss y/l/n, do you have any proof of the delivery last night? I want you to know that you are not a suspect, but you should understand that we must go through these procedures” he explained.

“Of course, I understand detective. But I’m not sure what evidence I can give you, apart from an empty pizza box in my kitchen. I don’t have any cameras installed outside my flat either, the landlady doesn’t allow it” I spoke.

None of this was making sense to me. How on earth am I supposed to work out who delivered my food if not a delivery person? What reason would anybody have to even attack someone else over food in the first place, and why the hell am I in the middle of this?

“I see, it isn’t the best place to get evidence. I can contact your landlady about any video evidence of a delivery last night. Can you describe the person to me please?” he asked, taking out a pen and beginning to make notes.

I thought a little before answering, “Um, He was roughly about 176cm, I’m not good with heights, he had dark hair which was covered by a black cap, he was wearing a black jacket, white top and dark jeans with black boots too. Oh, and he had big hands” I quickly added at the end, but instantly regretted due to the weird look the detective gave me.

“Anything else? Did he say anything out of character that could be regarded as suspicious?” he further lead on.

“Not that I can remember, he did have a deep voice though…but one thing that I did find weird was he knew my name, but I didn’t give it to the delivery company when I ordered my food” I spoke.

“He knew your name? Are you sure this was your first time meeting him? Please think about it”

“No, I’m completely sure this was my first time meeting him. It seemed like he knew me though” I said, but it sounded more like I was thinking out loud. The fact he knew my name completely threw me off and I don’t know why I didn’t realise it straight away. It’s almost as if he was using his charms to distract me from the fact he knew more about me than he should. Cursing myself for being such an idiot, I turned back to the detective. “That’s all I remember, it was only a short encounter. Sorry I can’t be of more help” I apologised.

“No, that’s okay. I think I’ve got enough information for now” he said, closing his books. “Thank you for your cooperation” he smiled. “You’re free to leave now, I’ll see you out”. He stood up, heading to the door and I promptly followed him to the entrance of the police station before he turned around to face me.

“It was nice meeting you, Miss y/l/n, either myself or my colleagues will be in touch in the next couple of days to update you on the situation and whether or not we need you to come back in for questioning” he told me.

“You too, Detective Han, I hope I’ve provided some help. I really don’t know why Mr Kim was attacked last night, but I hope you can find and punish his attackers” I said. I truly felt horrible for the innocent worker, why was he attacked and left in the alley like that? This whole turn of events completely threw me off past the point of understanding.

“That’s what we’re here for, to catch the bad guys. Get home safely” he said before walking back into the station. I sighed and turned around, beginning to walk to the bus stop.

With thousands of questions running around my head, I felt a migraine coming along trying to think of all the possibilities. Was there something going on with Mr Kim and his attackers that nobody was aware of? Was I just caught in the middle of somebody else’s fight? How did the man who gave me my pizza know my name? That thought alone told me that this was more than being dragged into all of this. I tried to ignore the thoughts of what could have happened if the pizza was poisoned, or if I had agreed to giving him my number or going on the date.

But one question rang louder than the others in my head; what if this was all related to the phone calls I’ve been receiving?

[yourhealthmattersblog]

From an excellent feminine

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[romcomathon2016]

The Five-Year Engagement (USA, 2012)

Predictions: Alex had already seen this movie ages ago and told Kat that it starred Emily Blunt and Jason Segel. Based on these casting choices, Kat guessed that Emily Blunt and Jason Segel have been engaged for five years, and Emily Blunt grows impatient with Jason Segel and dumps him, but then later they get back together.

Plot: Emily Blunt and Jason Segel are a nice, perhaps late-twenties-early-thirties couple. They met at a New Year's Eve party one year earlier and have now decided to get engaged. We have some qualms about people who get engaged after only one year, but okay.

Blah blah blah, wedding stuff. Jason Segel is a chef in San Francisco, and Emily Blunt is hoping to be offered a postdoc position at Berkeley. Everything's going to go great! Except, of course, it doesn't. Instead, Emily Blunt gets offered a position at Michigan, and Jason Segel agrees to put the wedding on hold and move there with her. Just two years, right?! NBD.

Eventually, Jason Segel is clearly struggling with Michigan, having deferred some dreams to be there. He finds himself working in a artisanal sandwich shop and hanging out with a combination of his weird coworkers, Emily Blunt's weird coworkers (Mindy Kaling, Randall Park, Kevin Hart -- just some super-famous, casual workplace pals of color; whatever) and her advisor, and a weird survivalist stay-at-home dad. Yeah, what could go wrong? we say, sarcastically.

(The middle of this film drags a touch.)

By the way, earlier, Emily Blunt's sister, British Alison Brie, and Jason Segel's slovenly best friend, Chris Pratt, slept together at Emily Blunt and Jason Segel's engagement party and got knocked up. So, you know, naturally, they got married and had kids, and it actually worked out okay???? Sure, sure. Anyway, they come to visit at one point, and New Jason Segel is truly terrifying and not useful. He is obviously super unhappy, and making Emily Blunt unhappy into the bargain.

One day, Emily Blunt kisses her advisor. SHAME ON YOU, EMILY BLUNT. (I mean, it's not nearly as bad as if she were, like, a high-schooler or an undergrad, but still, it's not good. Especially as she is engaged.) Anyway, for some reason, she chooses to be like, HEY, JASON SEGEL, LET'S GET MARRIED NOW, THEN. NOW IS THE TIME. And then they plan the worst, most halfhearted wedding ever. On the eve of the eve of which, she chooses to tell him the truth about this advisor-kiss situation?? I MEAN, WHYYYYYY. HE DIDN'T NEED TO KNOW, IF IT WAS REALLY WHAT’S-HIS-FACE, NOT YOU, AND IT WAS NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN AGAIN. GOD. PEOPLE.

Predictably, shit hits the fan, Jason Segel also almost sleeps with somebody, and then he loses a toe… They break up. He moves back to San Francisco to work at Chris Pratt's restaurant and date young, excessively hip Blonde Dakota Johnson. Emily Blunt stays in Michigan, dating her advisor. :|  Both of them are sad, but things are kind of going better for them separately, professionally at least. Jason Segel eventually opens his own food truck.

One day, Emily Blunt's last grandparent dies (grandparents have been dying throughout this film, just FYI). Jason Segel comes, possibly inappropriately, to the funeral, and they reconnect and hook up (they have both broken up with those other people, though, don't worry). They decide to just spend a couple of weeks together, no strings attached, and have a really nice time. At the end of it, however, they clearly each want to marry the other again, so they do.

Best Scene: OMG. So, Emily Blunt has some hang-ups about her and Jason Segel not being totally perfect for each other, even after they've spent the nice time together near the end. British Alison Brie talks her out of this silliness in a deeply wonderful scene in which British Alison Brie pretends to be Elmo and Emily Blunt pretends to be Cookie Monster. It is hilarious and charming.

Worst Scene: Probably the scene where they talked continuously about vomit for like three minutes? (Kat blocked her ears and hummed over it.) Also, whenever people lost body parts. That was troubling and happened more times than one would expect in one romcom.

Best Line: ALL OF ELMO AND COOKIE MONSTER'S LINES. But, um, besides that… At the first engagement party, Jason Segel's parents recited a funny poem about how they basically didn't know what Emily Blunt saw in him? (Don't worry, it was cute.)

Worst Line: Emily Blunt's mom being racist about Emily Blunt's father's new (Chinese) wife. Actually maybe the only REALLY offensive thing that happened in this movie, and Emily Blunt clearly felt as awkward as we did, so, could have been worse, but still.

Highlights of the Watching Experience: This was a surprisingly nice movie about two people who were already together! They liked each other. We liked them. They broke up because they were both clearly losing their minds, not because, as we feared, Jason Segel believed marriage was just a trap that women set for men, or because (in this post-Zooey-Deschanel age) Emily Blunt was just too goddamn free-spirited or whatever.

How Many POC in the Film: Mindy Kaling. Kevin Hart. Randall Park. Who knows, maybe other people around. Probably good for Emily Blunt to have met all these POC in her postdoc program, though. Being from Movie London, she's probably never seen any before.

Alternate Scenes: Well… Maybe if Jason Segel hadn't been quite so much of a psycho in the middle, this could have just been The Three-Year Engagement. Would have saved us all some time and cringing. (Alternately, if he had been even more of a psycho, they maybe would have broken up sooner but not gotten back together, and, instead of being a romcom, this movie could have been an arthouse tragedy. ...Except we’d probably never watch that film.)

Was the Poster Better or Worse than the Film: Worse. The poster suggests that this is a traditional Judd Apatow shenanigans film (well, it is a Judd Apatow film, but definitely less offensive and/or gross than usual). From the poster, we might expect Jason Segel and Emily Blunt to get horrible food poisoning from their wedding cake and spend their honeymoon hunched over the toilet.

Score: 7 out of 10 Sesame Street smooches. Totally different from probably any other romcom that would rank this highly, but surprisingly delightful for what it was. Long-term relationships that work! Yay!

Ranking: 13, out of the 66 movies we’ve watched so far. This film was more consistent and less fratty than Forgetting Sarah Marshall, but The Holiday is still more traditional and rewatchable.