#we need more people who are freaks about this show on this website | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

bobbydagen24 · 7 months ago

Text

about the Headcannon/Fan Theory that Branch is Autistic.

I first started thinking it a few years ago after I watched TBGO for the first time I didn't used to interact much with the fandom online back then.

but after I started doing so I was kinda pleasantly surprised to find out there were other people who thought the same I mainly have the HC about Tv show Branch.

due to certain behaviours and Traits specific to the shows but there are still signs for the movie version as well someone even did multiple youtube videos pointing the signs out.

anyway I figured the easiest way to talk about this is to go over the most common signs of Autism as is stated by NHS on their websites that could apply to him.

tho obviously everyone's different someone not having a few of these signs doesn't mean they aren't autistic. Getting Anxious in social situations and finding it hard to make friends or preferring to be on your own plenty of examples sure its also in large part due to the amount of time he spent avoiding people in his youth but it easily can be taken as an A sign as well. in the episode "" Mr Glittercakes "" he invents a fake person just so he can have an excuse to blow off multiple social events and we see he tires of being social pretty quickly and easily. in "" Fun Branch "" hanging out with the snack pack in his Home proves to be too tiring and stressful not to mention him stressfully micro managing everyone at his party at the start of "" Bye Bye Bunker "" also in "" Two's a Cloud "" he was shown being pretty overwhelmed by spending too much time with people and also due to "" too much affection ""

I swear I will never get tired of that clip 😂😂😂😂 anyway it also ties in to the next common sign. Aversion to Physical Contact. again not every person on the spectrum has it but it is fairly common Branch improves after the first film.

but during the first film he'd literally Rather go to Bergen town with Poppy and Risk being eaten than stay in his safe Bunker and have to put up with Hug times from the other Villagers 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

and in TBGO he's still fairly averse to them when they travel the multiple dimensions the others are all Horrified when they come across the universe where no one knows what a Hug is.

but Branch smugly suggests he's fine with the thought of them staying in that universe before the others drag him away lol.

also in the clip above he seems to have a mini freak out over too much Hugging and even stims a little from the looks of things.

Liking to plan things carefully before doing them.

bit fat yes in "" Peril Patch "" when playing Golf he planned out every minor detail obsessively before taking a single shot. in "" Branch Bum "" he carefully planned out every detail of their Trip and was only actually concerned with the journey there and the journey back lol.

Not understanding Various social Cues.

this one kinda depends since Pop Troll society is so different from our own but given how in that world its Technically the Norm it does make Branch's lack of understanding a social failing on his part.

such as suggesting cutting the Twins Hair when they were having a Disagreement and Poppy stating that was a Social Cue most people would know.

plus in "" Eye'll Be Watching You "" when Poppy said she needed to think about it first before he could put his safety plants around the village.

Branch mistook that to mean she would just think about it for a few seconds then and there and proceeded to stare at her with an adorable smile lol.

also just him doing generally odd stuff in public like screaming about how they will all die when the water dries up in "" Laugh Out Cloud "" and ya know Harvesting Baby Tears 😂😂😂😂😂😂

in "" The Makeunder "" where Branch Teaches Lownote how to act more like him so he can be less social and cool at Guy Diamond's party.

the things Branch tells him to do includes 1. avoiding eye contact during conversation and then overcompensating with an uncomfortable amount of intense eye contact. 2. talking on and on about your own interests not paying any mind to how Bored the other people who your talking to may be. 3. and doing things things such as laughing at inappropriate times when people are talking aka showing the wrong emotional responses to specific situations and interactions. all of which are things which could be signs in certain individuals.

having a very fixated keen interest in a certain subject and area of expertise.

I'd consider his whole love of safety and traps aka engineering as well given he also builds other stuff such as helping build the Train the "" Cakes on a Train "" episode of Trollstopia.

and various devices such as the machine to pick what their new Holiday will be all of his various complex traps and of course Gary.

Poppy literally Refers to him as a safety nerd in the Birthday episode where she throws him a party where he gets to be the lifeguard its so friggin cute 💖💖💖💖

sure in large part its also due to his past Trauma but it kinda works as both imo he deffo takes a keen interest in this stuff beyond just feeling the need to do it for safety given he actively enjoys it. also Trouble getting your tone of voice to match what your trying to say can be a sign. which we see in one of my favourite moments ever from the first episode of Trollstopia where he tries to be genuine and supportive only to sound like he's being Rude and Sarcastic. anyway those are some reasons and also moments that made me HC him as Autistic I'm not saying it was the writers intent or anything.

I think its more likely just a happy accident that he was written in such a way that some of the fandom interpreted him as having Autism.

anyway thanks for reading if your a fellow fan who has this HC I'd be curious to hear what it was about Branch or what specific moments made you start Head cannoning him as such?

#trolls #trolls branch #dreamworks trolls #branch #branch trolls #trolls dreamworks #trolls tbgo #trolls tbgo branch #trolls the beat goes on #trolls the beat goes on branch #trolls hc #trolls headcannons #Trolls #Trolls Branch #Trolls HC #trollstopia #trollstopia branch #trolls branch autism #trolls deeper analysis

56 notes · View notes

dr-spencer-reids-queen · 5 months ago

Text

Outfoxed: Part Two

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~2k

Summary: Derek has had enough and decides now is the time to work bringing you home. The team is working on two cases and stretching their agents thin but they'll do anything to bring you back into Spencer's arms.

Warnings: canon violence, canon language, canon talk of death, methods of kill

Season Five Masterlist

Author’s Note: I know I'm going to piss some people off with the way I wrote the trial and the gathering of evidence but remember, this is fiction and it's my story. I'm making it easy and convenient. I know this isn't how trials work.

I do not own anything from Criminal Minds. All credit goes to their respective owners. If there are any warnings that exceed the normal death/kills from the show, I will list them.

When Emily gets the message from JJ, she repeats it back to Hotch. They've already arrived at the prison and kept their heads down as they walked past the cells housing some of the most dangerous criminals.

"So, why wait a year to send Karl a note? Unless they were communicating the whole time?"

"That's the first thing we need to find out. Karl has a big ego. He's gonna want to answer a question with a question. The first thing he's gonna want to know is why I'm not wearing my wedding ring. Then, he's gonna want to describe to you in graphic detail every sexual act he committed with the families."

"To freak me out?"

"To pull you into his fantasy. More than anything, he's going to want to see the images of the children."

"We can't give him that."

"We have to give him something or we'll get nothing from him." Hotch and Emily walk into the interrogation room they've placed Karl in, and the criminal smirks when he sees them. "Hello, Karl."

"Agent Hotchner." His eyes flit over Emily. "I didn't know you were sending... they just told me two agents"

"Karl, this is Agent--"

"Emily Prentiss. I know all about you."

Hotch takes out files and only sets out certain evidence for him to look at while keeping most of it hidden.

"It appears you have a fan."

"Admirer. Not a fan. Big difference, right?"

"Is this the first time you've been contacted by your admirer?"

"I have many fans. Even on my own website. Don't you? You'd be astounded by some of the questions they ask. I make a log of all of them. Would you like to read some?"

"I would love to," Emily says.

"You'd love to? Here." He puts a file on the desk right by him. "Look."

Emily reaches over the table to grab it and Karl immediately leans in to smell her hair. Hotch snatches the file away and Emily backs off, but the damage has been done.

"Your admirer is taking wedding rings, just like you. Maybe not for the same reason."

"Like how you took all of mine. You took mine," Karl says to Hotch. "I see... you lost yours."

"Eight rings, four families. Or was it one ring for each family?"

"How'd you come to lose your ring?" Karl laughs before Hotch can answer. "Wait, don't tell me. A casualty of the job."

"My job is what put you here."

"True. Then, it's the children who suffer most. Wouldn't you agree?"

"You'd know more about that than me," Hotch glares.

"Which is why you came to me. I can help you with that, Agent Hotchner. I certainly can, but I'll need to see those photos. May I?"

"Can we talk for a second?" Emily asks Hotch before he has a chance to see those pictures.

"Is there a problem, Emily?"

"No," Hotch answers for her, the two of them leaving the room with the files in hand.

"We cannot show him these."

"These images will be his undoing and our way in."

"They're not just images."

"That's exactly what they are."

"We can't use Lucy like that."

"It's a tradeoff we have to make."

"You're saying we're going to use a dead twelve-year-old in a bathing suit as a bargaining chip? For what?"

"To him, it's not just a photograph. It's much, much more, and we need to know what."

"I've never done this before," she sighs.

"You don't have to now."

"Yes, I do."

"Alright. When I feel he's ready to talk, I'll leave the room. You get him talking. Whatever he does, whatever you feel, just stay on script. We need to know why he killed those families."

While half the team is working endlessly on the current case, Derek and Spencer head back to the BAU to work with Penelope on your case. Derek knocks once and enters her office. She is surprised to see them back when there is an active case, and Derek explains before she can question it.

"I need you to work your magic, baby girl. We're helping Y/N regardless of what Strauss says."

"Yes, I knew you'd come around," she grins. She wheels her chair over to the set of monitors on the side. She already has files saved dedicated to your case and she pulls up every single one of them. "I looked into her whereabouts during each of the murders, and I happened to come across two videos before Strauss shut everything down. I cross-referenced her face against any kind of video across the country. I haven't watched them but I did manage to save them before the shutdown."

She plays the first video which is a grainy CCTV footage of a hotel a few states away from Virginia. This was when the team was out on a case so they watch Hotch, Rossi, Emily, JJ, and Derek walk into the lobby of the hotel. You and Spencer walk in behind them holding hands. Spencer sighs silently at the fact that he hasn't held our hand in a long time. Two and a half months is a lifetime when it comes to you. The second video is a grainy CCTV video of you at the gas station. You paid cash but it clearly shows you walk inside the place to pay.

"That proves she was in that hotel and at that gas station at that time with us. How does it connect to the murders?" Derek asks.

"I looked at the only two autopsies for two of the victims. Juan Lopez and John Dimateo died on the night you checked into the hotel. Police were so blinded by the fact that there was all this evidence against her that they didn't want to look into this. They were dead a week before being found by police. You were on a case for the first few days of them being dead."

"It's like the police don't want to know the possibility that someone else did this. Why are they so stubborn? Why aren't they looking into this more?" Spencer asks.

"Great job, mama, but this only clears her for two of the seven murders. She needs to be cleared on all seven."

"Yeah, I'm working on it."

"Kid, go talk to your neighbors. There may be something someone saw or someone roaming the hallways near your apartment. PD wouldn't have done this because they're confident that the case is closed."

"Okay," Spencer nods and leaves her office.

"Baby, look for footage of everything related to those seven murders. There has to be someone who knows something. I'm going to go to the ME's office and see if there is a connection through the victims."

"Okay, got it."

Derek kisses the side of her head and leaves her office with his phone in his hands. He quickly texts Hotch an update on your case. Hotch sees the message and keeps it under wraps right now. He and Emily have a goal right now, and that's to get Karl talking. Both of them walk back inside the interrogation room and Karl stands up.

"You want to see, don't you?"

"Very much."

"We're going to show you." Hotch takes out the pictures of the crime scene photos. Karl looks at them with wide eyes. "This is the home of the Downey family. There were three children."

"How old?"

"Twelve, nine, and four. A girl and two boys."

"Where were they found?"

"Backyard."

"Buried... Interesting."

"Laura, the mother, and the two boys were killed in the house." He shows the picture of the master bedroom. "This is where the mother and the youngest son were killed. The other boy was shot in the bedroom closet."

"Where's the father?"

"Overseas. The killer knows this."

"He knows everything about this family, and he watches their every move to be sure he achieves what he needs." Karl chuckles. "You have no idea how he knows the father is gone or how he targets these families, and the how. That's the key. The how is why he was able to catch me."

"You watched the families for days."

"Weeks. I got to know them, but not your guy. He doesn't need weeks. If he did, he'd stay longer."

"Why?"

"So he can enjoy them. What I don't understand is why he didn't separate the children. That way you have more control. No room for error. Why he didn't put the boys in separate rooms and say, 'If you cry, I'll have to kill Mommy'? Tell me, how did the girl die?"

"She was drowned."

"Yet the others were shot. May I see her?"

Emily doesn't give him the chance and stakes the files away from him.

"What's so special about the girl?"

"To suffocate her. To feel the life leave her body means everything to the man who did this."

"To you, maybe, but not to this killer. Not in the same way."

"All I did was show them how weak fathers could be. That's all."

"Every child you killed you abused physically. For this man, there is no sexual gratification."

"At least I spared the fathers the grief of living."

Emily sighs, takes out her phone, and sends a quick text to Penelope who responds even faster. How is it going? We're working as quickly as we can. Penelope has not stopped looking into your case since Derek and Spencer left her office. She continues to use her database to get a match of your face on cameras around the time of the murders, and she looks for videos regarding the areas where the murders took place.

She comes across a video that's too dark to make anything out, but the person holding the camera moves underneath a street light. She can see down an alley where there are cars on either side of the street. She assumes a man steps out into the light but the person filming is too far away to see any notable features. The man (she assumes it's a man because of his height and build) drags a victim out of the car and begins stabbing him. The crime scene photos of Chase Williams compared to the place in the video are exact except one is with the sun out and the other with the moon out.

That makes you clear for three of the seven. She dials Derek and gets him on the second ring.

"Hey, I found a video of Chase Williams getting murdered by the unsub. I compared it to the crime scene where he was found. Y/N is much smaller than the person I saw. No defined features, I'm afraid."

"Good. Keep that in evidence."

"You got it." Derek hangs up the phone and turns to the ME who agrees to see him. She hasn't done all seven autopsies yet due to being backed up which is why only two were released to the public. "Sorry, Doc. You were saying?"

"Eric Price and Jeffrey Rideback have injuries far older than when they were found."

"Meaning what?"

"Meaning they were dead long before they were found."

"We came to that same conclusion with the first two victims, the ones whose autopsies were released. Can you determine the date of death?"

"Based on the severe bruising around Eric's eyes and Jeffrey's neck, and the state of decomposition, I'd say they were dead two weeks before when they were found."

"When can you get the autopsies done?"

"By the afternoon."

"I'd like them faxed over to our technical analyst as soon as you get them done."

"Sure."

If these two men were dead two weeks before they were found, then that means you couldn't have done it. Two weeks before their discoveries, you were out of town with Spencer. He has receipts that show you were in another county and footage from the security cameras on the cabin you rented. Whoever killed these men must have been in a blind rage because he would have thought about all of this before doing it.

That makes you five of the seven murders. He needs to clear you on all seven for you to be released. He takes out his phone and calls Rossi to check in on the team.

"Hey, how's it going over there?"

"There's been another murder but we've got it handled over here. Focus on Y/N right now. We got this."

"Thank you."

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fic #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid angst #criminal minds #criminal minds fic #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds fluff #criminal minds angst #criminal minds series rewrite #criminal minds season 5

26 notes · View notes

c0ntr0lledchaos · 2 years ago

Text

oh god the brain rot.

generation loss brain dump under the cut as I go back and analyze the vod

so, my first thoughts are the set is very different in this episode, and we see that the more gl!ranboo moves around. The first episode was very much a stage-like set while this one was set in what looks like a mall. if that has anything to do with this episode showing more characters becoming aware of their situation and it not being just a show anymore idk.

It's fairly obvious that while looking for the key in gl!Charlie something happened so that the act was dropped for a couple seconds and what was 'really' happening was shown. I wonder if that was due to the person who has been communicating with gl!ranboo (I'm assuming they're 'the savior') trying to hack in.

that last point also makes me wonder if at the end of this, we will see clips from the first episode shown in a 'new light' and see what was actually happening. I already saw someone point out that the bowl of slime looked the same as the guts. was gl!charlie covered in blood actually? Were some of the ingredients not what they seemed?

Mr squiggles saying 'Hey new friends!' to a group of people tied up with bombs around their necks was just the start of all the creepy vibes I was getting from them this episode

THE HAT. Mr squiggles did not like the hat. the hat is defiantly the one gl!Sneeg wore in episode 1 but it is also implied it was planted in this episode since Mr. Squiggles says 'Who put that there.' (That is later confirmed by the savior as he was trying to save gl!Sneeg as well) as soon as gl!Sneeg put the hat on he immediately started freaking out and his eyes start darting around the room. we already saw that the slime was guts but what else did he see I wonder

the chills I got when the showfall masks came into view

gl!Sneeg gets back in place, the mind-control mask is removed, a new hat is put on his head, and the person doesn't even bother to handcuff him again before leaving, confident that he wouldn't try to escape. then everything goes back to normal and gl!Sneeg is notably using his 'streamer voice'

in that scene the camera also focuses on the puzzler's face a few times, showing a look of what I believe was confusion. he didn't know what was going on but was aware of what was happening unlike everyone else

Mr squiggles also goes on as if this is the first time they are acknowledging gl!Sneeg

again, Mr squiggles with a cute little animation saying 'I like them all, I wish they could all live' just unsettling now

The puzzler seems to have just a little bit of knowledge about what is actually going on, hinting to Chat being in control of helping during the choosing of who gets to live and also when gl!Sneeg and gl!Niki are about to go through the tunnel

shout out to @twilight-trix who translated the winding:

"Ah it's simple you just have to find the cage"

"The cage that's in Charlie remember?"

"Another piece is in a jar of something sweet"

"The last one comes at a price :/"

the fact that all the other victims were kept alive means they planned for all of them to die in the games and puzzles. for gl!Niki's death even though Mr squiggles had already said a price needed to be paid, the puzzler still acts surprised that she had to die even though he was the one who killed her

also, I scanned the QR code, it just takes you to the genloss website. buy their merch, this shit is fantastic

this fucking screenshot has no business being that creepy

so showfall grabbed the back of the mask and the light on the logo came on but what exactly did that do? did it just up the filtering considering what was 'really' about to happen would have been pretty gruesome. EDIT: so I didn't notice before but the mask flashed and turned off as Ranboo went to leave the room. maybe the mask only works for so long before it has to be turned back on?

again, the puzzler seems as if he is talking about chat, saying that someone is saying his puzzles are too easy and 'is this one too easy' before another pipe puzzle shows up on the screen. he even finish the puzzle for us

gl!ranboo said a few things threw out the episode that sounded like generic videogame protag dialogue but it felt strange having the prompts like 'where should I search?' but not giving us the option to actually choose. I wonder if that is due to the first episode being a point-and-click style while this one was more dedicated to puzzles. is he still stuck on point-and-click mode? or are the other NPCs searching before we even get the option?

speaking of protag dialogue, gl!ranboo says 'It must not be the way, maybe there is somewhere else' in the same tone while staring hard at gl!Ethan, the next person to die. I've been thinking about how much control showfall has over everyone in this episode since they seem to have at least a little control over everyone except the savior trying to help gl!ranboo. I don't think gl!ranboo knew that gl!Ethan was next to die but I also don't think he is the one talking when he says stuff like that. just like a game's dialogue is supposed to prompt the player in the right direction, I think showfall is using him to prompt their show in the direction they want it to go. not all the time but at least sometimes

he also does not react at all to gl!Ethan dying or the pool of blood, speaking again in the same tone

and now that gl!Ethan has died, gl!ranboo is the first to say the other door is the exit even though he had just said that it must not be that door. he even volunteers to go first! I wonder if in the next episode, gl!ranboo will feel guilt over the deaths he was forced to help cause

the puzzler is fiddling with the detonator, working on it for some reason. why?

'I hope he's ok' gl!ranboo says in the same unfeeling protag voice. there is a chance he is just doing it whenever to drive home the fact of he is a protag but whatever

gl!ranboo solves a freaking Rubix cube in less than a minute then immediately says that he doesn't know what to do. yes, it might have been just an excuse to flex his Rubix cube skills but him saying that after makes me think. Gl!ranboo is a really smart person but is being controlled by showfall to forward the plot whenever they see fit. just how much of the actual gl!ranboo have we seen and how much has been showfall speaking through him?

I think this is further proven when he declines to solve the other cube in favor of looking around more even though we saw how fast he could do it the first time

the puzzler says he had been prototyping toys that go on people's heads, could he have helped make the mask gl!ranboo is wearing? what if he is an ex showfall employee and that's why he seems to know a little bit about chat

I think the fact that the camera remains on the empty chair for so long means that showfall was not prepared for us to go into that room. gl!ranboo was not supposed to go in there

the puzzler knew he was going to die but didn't know how. he knew that showfall was going to kill him

the puzzler tells gl!ranboo to go, to be set free, and gl!ranboo ignore it. once again showing how he is under Showfall's control

even while the savior talks Mr squiggles is trying to tell gl!ranboo and us not to trust him

gl!ranboo looks at all the cameras, looking at the one that was following him just as it fades out

closing thoughts:

the cast is made up of npcs, gl!ranboo (who is the only playable character), and the savior who is not under showfalls control.

the 'vilians' are not actually villains, seen as gl!charlie (and I do mean gl!charlie and not cc!charlie) played a random person this episode and also the villain from the first episode. the npc's are random people who have had personalities programed by snowfall to help push the protagonist forward, like most story. I made a joke to my partner about gl!sneeg being 'factory reset' when the mask was put on him but I think that is more true than I realized.

the puzzler is still an npc but is special, he was on showfalls hitlist for some reason. I am going to go ahead and guess he was a former employee and because of that he has managed to retain some of the information even after being put in the show. that is why he knew he was going to die and spoke to chat a couple times.

finally, gl!ranboo, the only playable character but not to us. I belive it is showfall who is 'playing' gl!ranboo and is simply letting us make a few choices along the way. that would explain why we didn't get to control gl!ranboo as much as we did in the first episode. we are the viewer's, not the players. why we get to control him at all? I'm sure that will be discovered in the next episode now that the fourth wall is gone.

also, the mask is definitely who gl!ranboo is being controlled so storywise it would make sense if at the end of this, when he truly brakes free, he takes it off. while I'm not entirely sure if that is going to happen I have two guesses on what might happen if it does.

he takes the mask off and this is the biggest fucking face reveal ever that will be extremely difficult to beat

or he has some really cool gory sfx makeup under it that will be horrifying.

I will not be disappointed no matter what happens though so until then, we will just have to wait for the next episode.

#generation loss #ranboo #random thoughts #braindump #tw mind control mentioned #generation lost spoilers

69 notes · View notes

imabillyami · 4 months ago

Text

Hi friends 💜 I gained lots of lovely new followers lately, so here I am - (re)introducing myself for everyone new to my blog.

I’m Billy, 29, non-binary, vegan, queer. My pronouns are they/them. I’ve been doing fandom stuff on this website for about 15 years. I’ve been a wrestling fan for even longer than that.

I’m European, but my sleep schedule is absolute whack, so you’ll likely see me up and online at all weird times of the day. I do have a nightly queue set up, indicated my the little "q" at the end of my tags, but I oftentimes end up being awake and posting during those hours, still.

What got me hooked on Wrestling? My uncles (who might as well be my older brothers, not much of an age difference there), showed me all the wrestling videos when I was a kid. And then we watched WrestleMania 22 together and I saw the Mick Foley vs. Edge hardcore match and well - the rest is history.

I’m a pro wrestling enthusiast in general and try my best to keep up with as much of it as possible - WWE, TNA/Impact, AEW, some indie stuff if it looks interesting enough (I really enjoy WOW for example). I post whatever brings me joy, though I’d say my content favors WWE heavily most of the time (old habits die hard).

My ultimate favorite since the day he stepped foot into NXT has been and will forever be Sami Zayn. Undisputed.

Before him I was a huge Edge fan, Punk fan, AJ Lee fan, Dean Ambrose fan. I'm still a huge Moxley fan to this day.

I was & still am a sucker for The Shield too (they got me back into watching WWE after Edge’s first retirement). I came back for the group, stayed for Roman, Dean and Seth as individuals. I didn’t think I could love anyone more, ever, until the day Sami walked in and said “challenge accepted”. And here we are.

Generally I’m enthusiastic about any and all wrestlers unless stated otherwise. What finally got me to participate in the online fandom though? The Bloodline & Samijey. I’m a Sami fan. I’m a Roman fan. A Jey fan, a Jimmy fan, a Solo fan. So I enthuse about these guys a lot more than about all the others.

I freaking adore women’s wrestling. No female wrestlers are getting slandered on my watch. My current favs are Naomi, Becky, Bayley, Indi, Asuka, Shayna & Rhea in WWE, Jordynne in TNA & Willow, Mercedes and Toni in AEW. My forever undisputed favorite will be AJ Lee though.

I enthuse about a lot of different wrestlers on a regular basis. So you’ll basically see lots of content about all the people from all the promotions. I don’t believe in the whole weird tribalism bullshit. Wrestling is awesome and no matter what you enjoy, I love that there’s so much variety for everyone these days.

I’m a writer and a shipper. I’m a multishipper. Wrestling is beautiful and very very gay. My absolute favorite ships are Samijey, Ambreigns/Romox (& JimmyKev & BayRhea), but I have a few others I like & I’m always open to writing and reading other new stuff too. Nothing’s set in stone when it comes to shipping.

If you enjoy M/M fanfic (and hopefully soon to be added F/F fanfic), you can find that pinned to the top of my blog, but also on my AO3 (don’t need an account). If you want something written, you can request it, I just kindly ask you to check my requests post for rules and limitations first.

Other than wrestling, I’m very much a lover of TV shows, movies, books, music and all kinds of media in general, especially the queer kind.

I’ve been in many fandoms over the years and I’m always happy to talk about them and post stuff about them (though admittedly a less often lately, wrestling has kinda completely taken over my blog at this point). These posts are usually tagged with “non wrestling” or “other obsessions” and the specific fandom name for blacklisting purposes, since these days this is my only blog & I don’t intend to change that.

I think that pretty much covers it. If you wanna come chat about anything, my inbox is always open, anon is always on. Unless you’re a minor, I’m happy to interact. I’m an adult. I post adult themes and content occasionally, so if you’re a minor I kindly ask you to not follow me. This is for your own safety.

Anyway. It’s nice to meet you all! I hope you’ll enjoy what you see & that you’ll stick around! Come around for a chat if you ever feel up for it!

Little added PSA with TW for addiction/alcoholism:

I am a recovering alcoholic and drug/narcotics addict (sober for 2+ years at this point). It gets mentioned sometimes. I'm not ashamed of my past.

I'm rather strict (and very mindful) about tagging things correctly as to not trigger anyone or get triggered myself.

If that info causes any issues on your end, whether that’s cause it’s a personal trigger and you want to (understandably) keep yourself safe, or because you’re simply being an unkind person who doesn’t believe that people can change and grow, I kindly ask you to turn around and leave for your sake, but also for my own.)

#introducing myself #hi and hello new people 💜#personal stuff

7 notes · View notes

fearlessword · 6 months ago

Text

I’ll meet you in my dreams - Chapter 3

Summary: You dreamed of the boy who played piano before you knew who he was. Humming the melodies you heard in your sleep brought BTS into your life and you thought it was just meant to be.When you finally have the chance to see him perform live, you realize that the dreams you have are more than a coincidence. You hope he dreams of you too.

Slow burn/ Slow build/ canon divergence/ d-day tour / soulmate- ish

Pairing: Idol! Min Yoongi x Reader

Ongoing

Masterlist

Author’s note: You are the kindest readers! Really! My phone kept lighting up with notifications of your likes and even some comments! Thank you so much! I am currently writing chapter 6, I wanted it to be ready before the 13th, but it may take longer than that. Chapters 1-5 are already posted on AO3. Thank you for the love and I hope you like this one! See you soon!

“You’ll never see, you sing me to sleep every night from the radio”

March 1st, 2023

Your hands were tied now. You got waitlisted, Cami got waitlisted, the other coworkers without a membership didn’t stand a chance. You are sure a code isn’t a guarantee that the tickets would be yours. The only hope was a friend of one of the teachers at the school, that was the only person you knew that had the code, and well, maybe you have a new ARMY friend now.

Just the fact that someone got the code was a relief. The downside was that there’s nothing you can do, and, considering you were a control freak, having no other option but wait was enough to make you freak out.

To be honest, everybody was freaking out, from your roommate to your co-workers and even the principal, everyone knew how important this was to you because you were acting crazy and anxious, everyone signed for the pre-sale (even if you knew that people without memberships wouldn’t stand a chance). Today, of all days, you felt cared for by everyone around, who made a point to check if you were okay.

So, when the afternoon came, and the bell rang announcing the end of the school day, you bid your students farewell and immediately opened twitter on your laptop, just to check how things were going. There was nothing you could do on the Ticketmaster website, your account wasn’t linked to a code anyways.

“You know, refreshing twitter 1000 times per minute won’t make it any easier. I’d say it will make it worse.” Camila’s voice echoed behind you.

“I know, I know. I just need to know. It’s my first time doing this, and I’m not actually doing this and it’s driving me insane!” You retorted standing up and pacing.

“Woah, have you thought about calling her? I’m sure she’s nervous too”

“Don’t you think that’s too controlling of me to do that? We kind of talked about the seats we want and the other options in case they sell out. I’m so obsessed with this man it’s probably not healthy.”

“ I mean, you are a fan and it means something to you and it’s obvious you have a connection of some kind with him because you keep dreaming about him which is weird and interesting at the same time” she rambled “But, you are also paying and you are a fan, so, I know this is important to you, and not too much at all, just facetime her!”

You stared at your friend and smiled. Then, grabbed you phone in your bag and called Natalie, your newest ARMY friend.

“Hi, ________! I was about to call you”

“No way!”

Cami looks at you with arched eyebrows, amused.

“ Yes! You know, we both want the Saturday show, but I was thinking that maybe I should try the queue for Wednesday or Thursday too. Just in case. Many people will want to go on Saturday cause it’s the weekend, I want to make sure I can get us tickets”

“Uh, sure, I mean, Saturday is ideal, but I also don’t want to risk it” You answer.

“Alright, any minute now. Floor as close as possible or any of the side lower bowls right? I don’t know why I am asking, we talked about it. I’m so nervous” she lets out a nervous laugh and you laugh as well. At least you’re not the only one.

“ It’s gonna be okay, I’m sure we’ll get great seats” You don’t know if you’re telling this to her or to yourself, still, you try to believe it.

“We will. It 's time! Wish me luck”

“Good luck, Natalie!”

“_________, the page is refreshing! Oh God! I hope the school’s wifi is good enough” At exactly 3 p.m Natalie's nervous face gives space to focused features. You held your phone tighter and sat on your desk, shaking your legs while silently watching the woman’s face through the screen.

“ More than 2000 people in front of me, what the fuck” Your heart stops at the same minute, even if you could get to the map page, the chances of getting a great seat seemed far away now.

“More than 2000 for the one on Thursday too… Come on!” She paused and then screamed “Oh my God, 200 people before us for Wednesday”

“God, Natalie! I was about to cry here”

“Don’t fail on me, Ticketmaster.”

Your free hand runs through your hair, making a mess of the long curls. You wonder how many of your students are probably going through this same process right now, and you want to laugh and cry at the same time.

“It’s my turn… let me see. We want the floor… _________, floor is general admission, are you okay with that? It’s the soundcheck too.”

“Yes. I’m good with that, yes”

“Okay, selecting… Your credit card number is on my account, right, let’s get it, please ticketmaster work for once in your life, let me get it”

At this point, you didn’t even want to look at the screen, you knew how this website was tricky on pre-sale days, especially after the whole fiasco with the Taylor Swift Tour. You hoped the website wouldn't break down on Natalie’s turn. It felt like time was passing slower than it should, your legs hanging from the desk couldn’t move more, and you were scared of having the chance just so to have it taken away from you.

“Yougottheticketslettheanticipationbegin, __________!!!!! We are seeing him”

“Did it work?” You look at the screen and she’s showing you the confirmation page.

“It worked! Oh my God! I can’t believe it actually worked. Oh fuck it’s on a Wednesday, my poor students. Oh God, we are seeing him”

“Are we truly seeing him?!” Excitement was an understatement, you squeaked and jumped from the desk and smiled so big your cheeks hurt.

“____________, I’ll talk to you later, maybe I can still talk to the HR and tell them I’ll need the day off, make sure to do that too, okay?”

“Natalie, I can’t thank you enough. Thank you so, so, so much!”

“No worries, I can’t wait to scream with you during the show”

You put your phone away and look at Camila, who was watching the whole scene silently with a smirk on her face.

“Tell me this isn’t a dream”

“It’s not a dream, amiga. You’re seeing the guy from your dreams so soon now”

“This does not feel real. It was so fast.”

“It was meant to be. I feel it.” You cover you tearing eyes with both hands and and giggle as you hear your best friend saying that.

“I'm seeing Yoongi”

“About that, now that you got a ticket for the concert here, I should give you this” She took a folded sheet of paper out of the back pocket of her jeans and handed it to you.

“And that is?”

“Just unfold it and see”

And so you did, and looking at the paper, you couldn’t help but shed some tears.

“Is this what I think it is?

“If you think it is a confirmation email for a ticket of one of the shows in Korea, then yes, yes it is”

“Cami, how did you do this?”

“You forget that you made me get a fan club membership, so I wanted to make sure you saw him.”

“In Korea?” You say in a high-pitched voice.

“It’s not that difficult to stay up and buy tickets in the middle of the night, when you have a real purpose. I mean, I got a nosebleed, I hope you don’t mind, I guess the time difference and lack of practice count when doing this, but I got it and it’s during Summer and you don’t have school as an excuse for not going, so you better get your savings for your Korea trip and actually buy flight tickets to go to Korea and see your dream man there.”

“You are the craziest person I’ve ever met” You hug your friend tight, not knowing what to do with the tsunami of information that came in your direction in the last 15 minutes.

“Besides, I think that your dreaming about this guy is weird but I also feel there’s something there and I know you won’t do anything about it if there’s no push. So here’s your push, consider this an early birthday gift.”

“I don’t know what kind of ideas you have about this, but they are just dreams.Thank you. Hell, I’ll see him twice”

“Yes, _________, yes, you will”

🪷🪷🪷

April 21st, 2023

The first thing you did when your alarm went off was to grab your phone and open the Youtube app. Thankfully, the miniature for the music video was already on your home page, so you lost no time and just played the video.

To say you were mesmerized and entranced by the music video and the song playing was an understatement, you were so impressed by the lyrics and the two versions of Yoongi you were seeing, everything looked so perfect, and that was enough to make you excited to listen to the entire album. But it was when Yoongi pulled a cigarette out of the box with his teeth that you let out a loud squeal, that made your roommate come check on you.

“Are you thirsting for the BTS guy at this time in the morning?”

“He just smoked a cigarette in the MV”

“You hate those things!"

“He made it look really hot”

Cami rolled her eyes and dragged herself to your bed.

“Come on, I wanna see it”

You both get comfortable on your bed and you restart the video. Your roommate watches attentively, and teases you, elbowing you slightly everytime a cigarette appears. You end up watching the rest of the video together and you barely have words when it comes to an end.

“He is really an artist” that’s all you can say.

“I saw what you meant with the smoking thing, nice song, he’s just not really my type”

“And what’s your type?”

“A tall brunette with a buzzcut and very, very handsome, but also nice and kind and good with his words. He could also be a doctor, maybe, I don’t know”

“That’s oddly specific”

“Well, maybe you get to meet him soon”

“I get to WHAT?”

“We need to get ready, we are teachers and we can’t really be late, come on”

“Camila, get your ass right here” you scream as she runs through the door. “This is not over!”

You laugh as you get ready to work. You decide to listen to the album after you get home, to actually pay attention to the lyrics. As you walk to the subway station, you make sure to run your lesson plans for the day through your mind, taking the time to also plan the Friday night ahead of you.

Your work day goes by slowly, like every other Friday. At this point of the school year, with Summer Vacation approaching, your students don’t want to have classes anymore and, if you’re being honest, as much as you love your job, you weren’t fond of teaching at this time of the year either. So you did your best to make your lessons light and fun, for them and for you, eventually taking some time to talk about topics that were interesting for all of them.

When the bell rings, you wish a great weekend for everyone and pack your things as quickly as you can to walk to the subway station. As usual, you stop at Times Square, but instead of changing trains, you decide to walk around the small Bryant Park. You buy yourself the sweetest and creamiest cold brew. The cold coffee was not the best idea, considering the city was still chilly, but it was your favorite, and it was your way of treating yourself after a long hard week of work. You people watch for a while, taking in the groups of tourists walking on 42nd street, from where you assume was Grand Central, in the direction of the outdoors on Times Square. You see people talking, sitting around the tiny green tables, you observe the empty carousel, and the outfits of the women walking around (those were always nice to watch). You observe the mix of trees and the buildings all together and the food trucks around and although this area of the city was incredibly chaotic and not your favorite to walk around, you were glad you could sit and appreciate the beauty in this chaos.

After taking the Q train and arriving in your apartment, you take a long relaxing shower and wear your most comfortable set of PJs. You feel inspired to cook a nice dinner to watch the documentary with. As you get the ingredients to make your favorite pasta dish, you hear the door open.

“I beat you home today” you sing from the kitchen.

“I had some papers to grade and decided to follow your steps and not bring work home. I hated it. My bed is a much more comfortable grading spot” your roommate answers.

“Are you having dinner here?”

“Yes, give me a minute to shower and I’ll help you out”

But dinner was so easy to make that, by the time Camila was back, you’re already done. You put the creamy pasta on plates and take them to the living room, opening the Disney + app to find Yoongi’s documentary.

“I’ll only watch it with you because I’m a great friend” you hear your best friend say and you look at her with an amused smile, knowing well she wouldn’t watch anything she was not interested in.

And so you watch the documentary and see how this album started. You are washed with a sense of deja vu when you see a scene of 2020. Differently from the In The Soop cuts, this time, what you see is exactly like your first dream and you pay attention to all of the details to make sure you’re actually watching it. How could you forget your first dream with him? This time, thanks to the subtitles, you could actually understand what they were talking about and your heart skips a beat when Yoongi tells Jimin about the amygdala, explaining how this is a part of the brain that processes trauma, and telling his friend about the song. You vaguely remember thinking about how you wanted your brain to process your trauma better and wishing for it to just work right before dreaming of Yoongi for the first time. And as the performance of the song goes, you take in the lyrics.

It's no news that you identify yourself with BTS songs. But this one felt different. As he raps and unfolds each of his traumas you can't help but think about your own traumas and how you did that too three years ago.

You can feel Camila’s eyes on you. And you know she knows what you are feeling and she knows that you dreamed about this. You feel like you should comment on it, but saying it out loud sounds like madness, because this time, you actually know that it happened in real life too.

The movie continues with his trips and his writing process and you try to let your deep thoughts go to watch it properly. It is your first time listening to the songs of the new album, and you can see that all of the effort shown in the documentary was worth it, the songs and the performances were more than anything you were expecting and you couldn't wait for the tour.

"You and this guy are so similar." Camila says when the documentary is over.

"I guess I can relate to him a little bit" you say. "Now, I need to start practicing these songs for Wednesday"

"You cooked, I do the dishes" your roommate announces when you both stand up.

"I won't argue you with that"

You say goodnight before walking to your room, where you get your airpods and get ready to listen to the D-DAY album, in sequence, of course. With the lights out and cell phone in hand, you search for the translation of each song as you listen to them. You observe every figure of speech, every rhyme, all the story telling, and you repeat, inside your head, the scene from your dream, the one you just watched on the TV. How could someone on the other side of the planet think in the same frequency as you and describe your feelings so well? You didn’t want to get obsessed with the idea of it, because it gets crazier with time, but you can’t help but feel like, somehow, the universe brought you Min Yoongi because it knew you needed someone to relate to.

You listen to AMYGDALA once again, and another time, wishing you could take the pain away from someone that didn’t even know you, and with Yoongi’s voice singing in your ears, you fall into deep sleep.

🪷🪷🪷

When you gain consciousness again, it’s dark and pouring. You find yourself in front of a beautiful house that looks like it just came out of a movie set. Its light colored bricks (you couldn't possibly identify the color in the dark) were covered in vines, the only illumination surrounding you is the warm yellow light that comes through the windows.

You run to the porch to avoid getting even more wet. The hiss of the wind is loud and the cold early spring air embraces you as tiny droplets of water touch your skin, making you shiver uncomfortably.

You look at the imponent maroon door and entering the welcoming house sounds like the perfect plan right now. It’s obvious you are dreaming, there are no houses like this in New York City, so worst case scenario, it’s a nightmare and you’ll wake up regretting your decisions. This, or you’ll freeze to death and then wake up. Either way, you’ll end up in your tiny apartment anyway, might as well enjoy it while it lasts.

The door opens at the same time you raise your hand to give it a knock. You take a step back and take in the scene. Nobody is on the other side. Weird.

A mass of warm air touches your face gently when you step into the living room. The smell of coffee, cinnamon and vanilla flies around and makes you look straight to the kitchen and dining room to your left, but they are empty, so you walk to the fireplace in front of you, taking a moment to appreciate its coziness while getting warm.

You decide to walk around and explore the other levels of the building, which, from what you saw until now, has no furniture except for the old blue Victorian couch.

Holding the rail, you go up the stairs, and see that the walls are filled with beautiful, but empty frames. At this point, you don’t even bother finding it weird anymore, after all, it’s a dream, but you wonder why there are no pictures and why your mind decided that the only pieces of decoration you see in this house of stone are simply not serving their purpose.

As you walk down the aisle of the first floor, you see 4 doors. Slowly, you try to open the first one to your left, just to find out it is locked. You try the one to your right and the two other doors after that. All locked. You huff.

“Why is this too boring?” you say out loud, as you turn around and direct yourself to the stairs to go to the second floor, only to hear a muffled female voice upstairs. Curious as you are, you run up in the direction of the voice, just to find the same set up of the floor below you, with the exception of a pulled down ladder at the end of the corridor, that led to what you can only assume is an attic, where the sound and the voices come from.

You walk with caution to the ladder and the sound is louder, but not clearer. It takes climbing the steps to realize that the female voice that is now screaming, is actually your own. You stop midway, your upper body just past the attic door,and search for the source of your own voice, just to realize a video is being projected on one of the ceiling walls. You recognize the scene of that dreadful day so many years ago when you got home after an early dismissal day, just to find your ex boyfriend with your best friend. This time though, you could see it through a different point of view, the exact moment when you started packing your bags to leave your old apartment.

“Where do you think you are going? Hey! Stop! We can talk through this” your ex said, while dressing himself up. You hear your old self let out an ironic laugh after that. You look at her, the shorter curly hair was a mess, the red eyes burning with anger and disappointment.

“Talk through this?” Past you screams, opening another drawer and just throwing clothes in a suitcase. “You must think I’m really that stupid to give you the time of the day after this. I don’t want to hear from you, I don’t want to see you. I wanna pack my things and go to the farthest place from you”.

“_________, this is your home. Calm down.”

“My home? My home? You should’ve thought about that before cheating on me at my fucking home on my fucking bed. I’ll come back to get the rest of my things when you’re not here.” You close your suitcase, and direct yourself to the front door. You turned, just in time to catch a sight of him and your so-called best friend getting dressed as well. "Please, don’t even bother, just keep doing whatever you were doing before. I’ll make sure I won’t interrupt you ever again.” And you walked out.

The video stopped after that and you were stunned. Talk about a dramatic event. You don’t understand why your subconscious wants you to remember that, especially now that you are actually healing. Maybe this is in fact a nightmare, and you were supposed to keep rewatching that infernal scene until you wake up.

You decide to go up the rest of the steps either way, whatever comes next, can’t be more painful than what you just watched. As you step into the room at the same time someone stands up and comes in your direction.

“What the hell?!” You exclaim.

“Hm, this never happened before” The one and only Min Yoongi mumbles, staring at you.

Right, you have never had a conscious dream about him where you could actually talk to him. But, considering that his documentary was the last thing you saw, it seems like his presence in your dream this time is not that weird. You stare back at him, his dark messy hair, puffy cat eyes and black hoodie. Your heart jumps through your shirt and that unexplainable feeling comes again.

“Hi”

“Did you watch all of it?” You ask.

“I did. I’m sorry. I should’ve stopped when I saw what it was”

“I mean, it’s not actually your fault. It’s my subconscious.”

“Still…”

“It 's fine.” You look around, finding the film projector and another film reel on the side. “Interesting. What’s in the other film?”

“I don’t know. I only set the one we just watched.”

“We should watch the other one”

“I don’t know, I’ve already seen too much”

“It’s not like you are real”

“Not real?”

“Besides, I don’t think there was any other moment of my life more traumatic than that one. I’ll be fine” You say while taking the other film reel out of the projector and putting the new one. Yoongi doesn’t look too sure, but he directs himself to the pile of pillows on the floor and waits for the projection. As it starts, you sit by his side and focus on the wall in front of you.

It is a cloudy day and the dirty atmosphere of the city makes the scene look even grayer. You try to recognize the place, but it takes seeing a tall black haired boy to see that this wasn’t about you.

“I shouldn’t be seeing this” You say and make the mention of standing up before dream Yoongi holds your wrist gently and pulls you back.

“It’s only fair.” he says.

So you sit down and watch it with him.

A younger version of Min Yoongi leaves the door of a restaurant with bags of food on his hands, then proceeds to put the bags inside of a delivery box on a motorcycle. He wears his helmet, jumps on his bike and rides it around the city. He stops once. He stops another time. And you know what is coming, because you remember when Yoongi had the surgery, you remember seeing videos of him dancing in pain and you remember the lyrics of Amygdala, even if you only listened to that song a couple of times since the documentary release. You know the feeling of wanting your brain to erase the memories you so want to forget in order to move on. And even if it’s all in your head, it hurts to think of what happened to a human you love so much.

You stare at the dream version of Yoongi sitting by your side who has his glistening eyes fixed on the scene projected on the wall. With his lips closed in a line, he swallows thickly and you turn your attention to the movie again. And that’s when the scene unravels: The rain starts to pour and, as he is turning, a car hits young Min Yoongi, who falls on the road. You can’t help but feel your heart breaking into pieces as you watch the rain touching his face, it feels even worse when the scene is cut just to be substituted by flashes of Yoongi crying, in pain, and taking what seemed like an unhealthy amount of pills. If only you could change the past to comfort him. You’d do anything so he wouldn’t have to go through this kind of pain again.

“Was that what really happened?” You question, almost whispering.

“Exactly like that” the man by your side responds, then proceeds “What I saw... Did it really happen to you too?”

“Yes, but, for what is worth, you really helped me through it, it doesn’t hurt anymore” you look at the version of Min Yoongi in front of you, and think of everything you’ve learned about him through his songs and through the documentary of the day before. You are conscious this is not real, even if it feels like it, but you also know you will never have a chance to say to the real Yoongi what you wish to say, so you take a chance in this parallel dream reality, or whatever this is.

“ I know this is all in my head, and there are so many things I’d like to say, but, I just want you to know that if I could go back in time and help you through all of the pain you felt, I would. I know it doesn’t change it, but I really wish you’d know that. I wish I could’ve saved you, too, Yoongi” you stop and see the corner of his lips curve slightly. “I guess this was a weird thing to say out loud” cover your face with your two hands and a muffled groan leaves your lips.

“No, no, no�� it’s not weird” He turns his body completely to you. “I don’t know if you’d believe me, or if anyone would believe me, but you did.”

“I did?!”

“You saved me in so many ways”

Your head turns in the direction of his voice immediately. And all you can see is a kind smile and bright eyes. You can’t help but feel that old familiar warmth all over your body, and as much as you wouldn’t like to indulge in delusion, at that moment, you pretended it was all real.

And just like it started, you’re pulled from deep inside your subconscious to you tiny apartment in New York City, where the ringing of your alarm clock announced the start of a new spring day.

To be continued…

Masterlist | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter (AO3)

#bts yoongi #reader insert #fanfic #soulmates #yoongi #strangers to lovers #idol min yoongi #min yoongi x reader #min yoongi x y/n #min yoongi x you #slow build #slow burn

7 notes · View notes

theoldlesbianwithcats · 7 months ago

Note

you are so real for that response to nansheofearth's comment. lesbians are stuck licking crumbs off the boots of bihet feminist women or queer/trans identified people.

ive been to polilez/radfem events too, and hearing them talk is as alienating as being a homosexual women in queer spaces. sorry i dont want to listen to women talk about how boring their husbands became, or the 4 kids they had with a man before they "became lesbians". it is so alienating as a lesbian, you feel like you truly are a freak of nature, when even other "lesbians" can talk so casually about sleeping with men, so what's wrong with you that your whole being seizes with disgust and wrongness at the thought. or maybe there really is no one like you in the world.

it sucks that even other lesbians make allowances for radical feminist homophobia. our self esteem is so grounded into the dust that we think we need to put up with this homophobia for the "greater good".

your blog has become the go-to for lesbians haha, i check it regularly even if i don't otherwise check tumblr, so i'm throwing in my few cents into the discussion.

Hi anon!

(Anon is referring to that post.)

Thank youuuu, your last paragraph made me so happy 🥹 I'm glad my blog can be a positive lesbian space! Now I'm thinking I should post more beautiful women and gifs from lesbian movies hehe

I totally understand what you mean, that's pretty much how I felt when I went to that lesbian festival (tbh I knew something was wrong when the woman who handed me a flyer at the entrance had super long glittery stiletto nails, I almost left then and there 🤣)

To summarize the first edition of that lesbian festival last year:

First there was a panel on lesbian representation in the media that was derailed to trans males within ten minutes (and even complained about trans criminals being misgendered!), the second panel about intersectionality of lesbians of color had zero lesbian in it, only bi women and trans males

Then there was a lesbian comedy show with two fakebians talking about their ex-boyfriends and making jokes about lesbians' supposed obsession with astrology + a non-binary bi woman who claimed that her gender identity made all her relationships gay (she called herself a dyke and a faggot)

There was a sex-ed booth held by an influencer who had DYKE (yes, in all caps) in her Twitter bio while talking about her het hookups (and throwing a real tantrum when people told her it didn't make sense), she also made sex ed videos on our national tv channel's website where she said that lesbians have sex with men and that men can be lesbians. She has since removed dyke from her bio.

A lesbian bookstore had a booth too, the original owners retired and the new ones are polilez queers who keep promoting books about lesbianism being a choice... Half of the books at that booth were about trans people.

Needless to say, I wouldn't even inflict that on a lesbian I dislike as a prank!

What you said about "lesbians" talking casually about having had sex with men reminds me of a French podcast I listened to years ago that was about bisexual and "lesbian" women who were with men before realizing they were attracted to women. The first conclusion I had was that I couldn't relate at all and felt very uneasy about it. I didn't even dare write my second conclusion back then but it was basically this:

I couldn't differentiate their stories at all. And deep down, they must know this because fakebians use their experiences with men as a way of relating with bi and het women while being mostly hostile to gold stars and finding us unrelatable!

Anyway, this is really long already haha Question for the gold stars: what would be your dream lesbian event? 💃 (apart from being only for actual lesbians, of course!)

11 notes · View notes

demenior · 1 year ago

Text

People showed interest in the crittyrole werwolf au, and therefore i have to share more (that's how i work lmao)

(It's a "modern au" set in the 90s. Fjord and Beau are amateur ghost hunters who might have found Somethng Real, and were saved by the mysterious Caleb and Veth.)

“How long have you been a werewolf?” Fjord asks.

Caleb snorts. He pauses to tug at the worn cuffs of his sleeves, making sure his wrists are covered, “I’m not.”

Beau frowns, “But you know all that shit about the temple— you could smell where Fjord was!”

“I’m not, and I never will be,” Caleb snaps, an air of finality to his statement. He looks up from his hands at the two of them, “there are many things to be in this world. Don’t be so narrow minded.”

“Are you a vampire?” Beau gasps.

“Those don’t exist,” Veth says, returning with drinks for her and Caleb. She frowns at Fjord’s rum and coke, as well as the empty shot glasses between him and Beau, “you shouldn’t be drinking.”

Fjord scoffs, “After the time I had in that—”

“You could lose control,” Veth snaps, “it’s irresponsible.”

“I’m not a,” Fjord glances around to make sure no one is listening. He lowers his voice, “I’m not a werewolf, you know that, right?”

Veth scowls at him, and turns to Caleb with a long sigh, “Denial. We’ve seen that before.”

Caleb sips at his lager. He looks like an old dude, Beau thinks, but there’s something unnerving about the way he handles himself. His posture looks relaxed, back appropriately bent, but his shoulders are too rigid. He’s expecting a fight at any moment, and from the scars Beau has glimpsed on his forearms, she thinks he has a good chance of winning.

“Tell me again, what you saw down there?” Caleb asks Fjord.

Fjord shrugs. Rolls his highball between his palms, “Not much. It was pretty dark. Had a lighter on me, and that’s it. Maybe some old drawings on the wall? Carvings?”

“You were sleeping when we found you,” Caleb notes, “very heavily.”

Fjord shrugs again, glancing to Beau like she might help him, “I must have been awake for too long and crashed. I had no way of telling time down there.”

“The room was covered in claw marks,” Caleb reminds him.

“It was probably that way the whole time!” Fjord protests, “like I said, it was dark as hell.”

“And no one was down with you?” Veth asks.

“I told you, back when you freaking stripped me down to find a bite mark: no! I was alone the whole time!” Fjord rolls his eyes.

“It’s kinda freaky,” Beau confesses, “what if you’re haunted?”

“Ghosts don’t exist,” Fjord reminds her, the words rolling off his tongue automatically.

“But werewolves— shit, sorry,” Beau lowers her voice and continues before Veth can scold her, “but werewolves do! Think of what this could do for the website!”

“You can’t publish this,” Caleb shakes his head.

“Or what?” Beau demands.

Fjord taps his fingers on his glass, “I don’t know if this— nevermind.”

The table’s attention returns to him immediately, “What?”

“I had a weird dream. Like, really weird,” Fjord says, “about the temple.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Veth demands.

“Because it’s just a dream,” Fjord says, “except… I just realized that I dreamed about the interior of the temple. And that room. But I dreamed about it before you guys showed up with the flashlights. So how could I have known what it looked like?”

“Stop, stop, I need to record this,” Beau orders. Beau scrambles to find her tape deck in her bag. She checks the cassette— it’s from their last haunted building getaway, aka a total disaster. Won’t be missed if she tapes over it. The scotch tape holding the batteries in is getting dirty and fringed on the edges, and Beau knocks the machine once to make sure everything goes back into place.

Caleb frowns at the machine. His frown gets deeper as the tape starts to spin. He lifts his glare off the machine to stare at Beau, as if that alone would be enough to make her put it away.

Beau turns to Fjord, “So, recap: you went missing in a weird underground temple in the mountains for like three days. I was trying to get back to civilization for help, got totally lost, and ran into these two—”

Beau holds out her hand for them to introduce themselves.

“Nott,” Veth says in a weird voice.

Caleb doesn’t speak.

“Yeah, okay. Caleb and Nott, who were coming to the place because…”

Now they both stare at her.

“Why were you going there? I thought like no one knew about the place?” Beau notes.

Caleb stares at Fjord now, “Tell me about the dream.”

Fjord sighs heavily, “It was dark. There were teeth…” he sips his drink, realizes it’s empty, “you know what Caleb? How about you buy me dinner, and I’ll tell you more. I’m freaking starving and if I don’t get some food in me, I really will attack someone.”

#have i shared this before? maybe #oh well!#crittyrole werewolf au #wip #critical role #mighty nein #see the linked post for more plot details #brjeaus #this story was designed to be a brjeaus story #with everyone else coming in as ensemble #but the brjeaus are the heart of it

13 notes · View notes

butisittho · 9 months ago

Text

rewatching community: highlights

from S3E16

- Troy checking in on Abed while he's on a fucking date with Britta is possibly gayer than a fully explicit anal sex scene

- Real Actual Dialog™:

Jeff: I left my wife for you when she was pregnant!

Annie: who do you think inseminated her?

- the totally straight™ character Troy Barnes: I can see why women find Clive Owen attractive to the point where I might just as well be attracted to him

- also Troy: I'm more turned on by women in pajamas than lingerie, I just wanna know they feel comfortable 😭 ❤

- Fake shirley in Abed's simulation: Abed's been filtered out because nobody NEEDS HIM :(((

- also pointing out that even in the simulation Troy is the only one who knew of Abed bc even Abed knows that Troy DOES need him

- abed according to annie according to abed: control freak with no empathy 🥺🥺

- Abed: we're inside a locker, it's where i spent a lot of time in junior high 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

- also Abed: I've run the simulations; I don't get married, I don't invent a billion-dollar website that helps people have sex, I don't make it into Sundance

perfect summary of how i felt about my life when I realized I was queer tbh

- Annie: Your simulations are nothing more than anxieties; you're afraid you don't fit in, you're afraid you'll be alone. Great news, you share that with all of us, so you'll never be alone and you'll always fit in. (...) I was trying to make life go according to some script, I can't, you can't. We need to get more comfortable winging it.

man sometimes this show gets really heartfelt in a way that i love

- LMAOOO when it cuts to a voice over of abed saying "I don't know a lot of things everyone knows" and there's a clock, shoelaces and taxes papers on screen 😭😭

#community #just make them gay already #abed community #abed nadir #troy and abed #tv show community #troy barnes #annie edison #s3e16 #being abed #mis cosas #my stuff

7 notes · View notes

miss--river · 2 years ago

Text

at first i wasnt going to watch the new trigun because i just didnt feel the need or the want to watch it. personally i dont like how vash looks like a kid (at least to me.) im not a fan of the animation style. im also really disappointed that milly isnt in the show.

after i got done rewatching the OG anime and the movie after... idk how many years its been since i last watch it tbh. i just started googling random things i had questions about in the trigun universe that really doesnt matter. one of the search results was a reddit link to r/trigun and the title of the post is "TRIGUN STAMPEDE is TERRIBLE"

the reddit user goes on to explain why they think the show is terrible but... everything they listed as reasons for the show being terrible were things that actually happened in the OG anime. and i cant talk about this post without mentioning that this person was unironically calling OG vash 'alpha' and the new vash 'beta' and 'imposter'. their reasons were he's a cry baby, there's no way he had no bullets in his gun, he's a try hard, he's too much a spazz, ect. they said all of this AFTER stating they went back and rewatched the first episode of the original anime but its like, did they REALLY watch the first epsiode? because vash is all of those things right from the start. he screams, he freaks out, he cries, he has no bullets in his gun, he's just a complete and total dork.

honestly i could just feel the anger from this person seeping through the post as they stated that no one should watch the show and if you want to get into trigun, the reboot is not the place to start. they talk about the show as if the original was this perfect gem and to be honest, while yeah, the original show kicked ass and we all loved vash for who he is, the show wasnt perfect at all. there are even things said in the original that just wouldnt fly today, things that vash himself has said and done that would get him possibly cancelled.

after reading that post i decided that maybe i will give the reboot a watch, try it for myself. i had only seen gifs of it so far at the time of reading the post and to me the show honestly didnt seem that bad. i may not like the animation style but its perfect for such an animated person like vash. milly may not be in the show but i shouldnt let that spoil the experience. vash may look more like a child compared to how he looked in the original anime but that doesnt mean the design is bad.

so i gave the reboot a watch (8 episodes are out at the time of writing this, only 6 of them dubbed so i havent seen 7 or 8. i dont have hulu or anything so im watching on an anime website.) and im not really good at giving in depth reviews but for what the show is, i really like it. it's a different spin on things and if thats what people are upset about then thats on them. i still prefer the original anime and the things i dont like the reboot are still things i dont like but the show is still great on its own. if you're against the reboot but still want give it a try, watch it with an open mind. it's still the same vash that we know and love, he just looks different.

#Trigun #Trigun Stampede #Vash the Stampede #Trigun Stampede Spoilers #i know none of my followers will care about this so im sorry for this long rant post #if anyone wants me to put this under a read more you can just send me an ask or DM

41 notes · View notes

kristailine · 1 year ago

Text

On Jun Kazama's personality

I have an on and off recurring tekken / kazujun phase ever since I shipped them when I was 7 years old lol. Whenever this phase occurs, I have the sudden urge to read and re-read all the kazujun fanfics and consume some canon content crumbs.

Besides this, a part of me still finds it difficult to conceptualize Jun's personality that is independent from all her ties with the supernatural and her relationship with Kazuya and Jin. The lack of information on the source material itself really allows for people to interpret her in different ways, mostly by making sense out of implicative instances and subtleties that's written in canon. I noticed the differences in interpretations mostly on fanfics.

Like I have read a ton of kazujun fanfics (fanfiction dot net, ao3, heck even tumblr and some on that dead tekken dojo website that was shut down a few years ago. You name it all) and almost all of them have in some way a very unique characterization of Jun.

Some older works stick with the orthodox, depicting her as like the purest and most tranquil person to have ever graced the Earth who also possesses little to no flaws. She's also often written as innocent and naive but has a strong willpower. I believe this kind of personality of hers was brought about thanks to the Tekken Motion Picture anime wherein Jun is very persistent about freeing Kazuya from his hatred and all that.

Other works that were made in the mid 2000s until early 2010s give her a little more dimension by making her a bit more playful and adventurous. Just like what a 22 year old woman would be (now I can somehow relate to this because I finally reached that early 20s age too and all I wanna do is explore and have fun in life).

It's not such an out of character kind of characterization to Jun when she's always been depicted as someone who's pure and tranquil. In fact, I do find this an interesting layer on her personality. Like imagine living in a remote island in Japan, learning martial arts, then probably relocating to the capital to study college (??) and get a job and become a wildlife officer then to join a freaking fighting tournament and become attracted to a man who's literally got the devil inside of him. Like if that does not scream adventurous to you then better read all that again. Miss girlie lived many lives lol. So I believe Jun being adventurous is not at all that oc, and it also adds to her fearless persona as it can be seen that she can manage change and foreign situations well (which also makes more sense how she even managed to bear with Kazuya)

Moving onto the more contemporary projections of Jun's personality as what I have observed in the mid 2010s to present fanfics. There's a theme in making her much more mature, kind of like someone who is very attuned to the ways of life. But despite that, they also show more of her humane side and her flaws (kind of like the opposite of how she's written in older fic works).

Now, I think this huge shift in how she's interpreted is because of the Tekken 6 monologue wherein Kazuya talks briefly about Jun. Then we also have Jun in TTT2. Lastly, I think Tekken Bloodline also played a role in solidifying this mature Jun personality (but to be fair tho, Jun's already a mother who's been raising her 15 year old son as a single parent on that show. I guess it's just appropriate that she becomes mature).

Anyway, I'm on this talk because all the interpreted Jun personality varies a lot and kind of clashes with one another. I only ever just realized how much I know nothing about Jun when I tried writing kazujun fanfics and realized how Jun's internal monologue keeps on having tone changes as if she isn't one person. Kinda felt like my interpretation of her is influenced by all the aforementioned personalities that I have observed in fanfics, but they all kinda clash so I need to straighten this out and try to flesh her out more so I can continue writing my drafts.

However, I do find it interesting that although the fandom really isn't given that much information about Jun, it's still very entertaining to see how different people would write and play her out in fanfics.

Tekken 8 better deliver a backstory about Jun hopefully, and also some good storytelling as well. Supporters of the franchise are long overdue with quality storytelling that provides answers to the many mysteries that surround Tekken. Most especially Jun because of her disappearance.

#kazama jun #jun kazama #kazujun #kazjun #kazuya x jun

17 notes · View notes

delta-queerdrant · 10 months ago

Text

Neelix, I need another pot of coffee (Prototype, s2 e13 & Dreadnought, s2 e17)

I don't have much substantial to say about "Prototype" or "Dreadnought," two enjoyable robot-of-the-week episodes that center on Torres delivering compelling technobabble to a machine for 45 minutes. They are both extremely watchable, and "Protoype" especially worked for me with its first contact moral quandary premise, which felt straight out of pulp science fiction in the best way. And who doesn't love an android who looks like they shop at LL Bean?

So instead this is going to be a meditation on science fiction depictions of women in STEM, and why they seem to be so deeply lodged in my psyche.

The first adult novel I ever bought was Contact by Carl Sagan. This was at my middle school's Scholastic book fair. When I think about my twelve-year-old self I immediately remember that mass-market paperback, which in some hard-to-pin-down way summed up all my aspirations for my future adult life.

I'd encountered Contact as a hardcover book at a relative's house a year or two earlier. For those not in the know, it follows an astronomer who detects a first contact transmission. The book spends a lot of time imagining the political and social impacts of discovering extraterrestrial life, as well as the challenges Ellie Arroway faces as a woman in her field.

In the space of a weekend, I raced through the book but didn't have time to finish it. Soon after, the film came out, and I saw it in theaters. It was a movie that felt like it had been made specifically for me (aliens! science mysteries! an extremely hot Jodie Foster!)

My relationship with science and STEM is contradictory. As a kid growing up watching Star Trek and reading Madeleine L'Engle (shout-out to my other formative science girl, Meg Murry), I was so hungry to learn more about astronomy, programming, math, and electronics, but I never seemed to get my hands on those opportunities. This was before "STEM" was popularized as an acronym, and casual opportunities to be a kid science nerd were slim. At the same time, it was the "post-feminist" 90s, and I was never particularly conscious of being excluded from the sciences due to my gender.

As I grew older, my main STEM interests were web design (as evidenced by many lovingly hand-coded early-2000s websites) and microbiology (I am still filled with rapture whenever I contemplate protein synthesis). I also harbored a deep and all-encompassing love for the Museum of Science in Boston. But my career aspects were mostly in the humanities or social sciences, and I never got around to taking a formal programming class. As I became an adult, I stopped running Linux on my laptop or freaking people out at work with my DVORAK keyboard setup. I drifted away from a conception of myself as that kind of nerd.

It's natural for interests to shift as we age, but something about this particular transition felt devastatingly final to me. STEM is a closed world that doesn't welcome casual interest. There is almost no space for adult women to dabble in a STEM hobby. Science museums are for children, and popular nonfiction about physics and math are, implicitly, for men. (Earlier this month I watched some Youtube videos about astronomy, and immediately started seeing gun advertisements.)

I sometimes think that what I enjoyed as a kid was the aesthetic of science - in other words, the reason we consume science fiction in the first place. Why do we love a science girl? For me this attraction feels very extremely gay, though others' mileage may vary. "Scientist" is, yes, traditionally a male-coded role, but to young me, it felt like a means to escape gender roles entirely. Science girls and science queers are smart and curious and independent; they are hungry for adventure and have no time for your societal expectations.

When Voyager came out, there were virtually no shows that featured multiple women working in the sciences (outside of medical shows). But for me, a kid reading and watching science fiction, it was normal. Roxann Dawson complained that most of her episodes in early Voyager are her alone in a room talking to a robot/missile/herself, but she's very good at it! The troubleshooting scenes feel lived-in and naturalistic, especially in the way they portray her satisfaction from solving a technical problem. She's so tickled with herself when she achieves a breakthrough! I felt similarly when I mastered the art of inline CSS in the year 1999.

Science fiction that accurately portrays the experience of working with technology is rare, and to be clear, Star Trek doesn't always bother. But Voyager seems genuinely interested in dramatizing problem-solving and collaboration skills - scientist as something you do, not something you are.

I still use my computer skills at my day job, and while I don't work in the sciences, I like to think that the way I move through the world owes something to all the hours I spent as a kid imagining myself into starships and astronomical observatories.

And with that, I'm off to watch some more videos about the twin paradox.

4/5 power modules.

#star trek #star trek voyager #b'elanna torres #androids #science fiction is queer culture

5 notes · View notes

contentment-of-cats · 1 year ago

Text

Understanding the narcissist's war dance

Humans are social animals, and we socialize happily for the most part. Narcissists are predatory humans who view other humans either as prey or competition, sometimes both, For instance, in 2009 my then-employer went under and I needed some gigs to keep things afloat until I could find another job. I picked up a writing gig, which leg to other gigs, and I am still writing to this day.

In the shock of becoming unemployed after 12 years, I made a horrible mistake. I told my mother who saw this not as a chance to support and encourage her daughter, but a chance to get things her way.

Now, mind, I had worked for my mother - I created her website from scratch in 2006 (for free) and maintained it (for free) until she lost interest in something that wasn't giving her the adulation she wanted. It was a popular site, just not popular enough. Her vitriol against those in the same silo was considerable. She didn't want to be part of a community, she wanted to show up with a pedestal, stand on it, and be given her due. She was a shitty boss, and ultimately I told her to find someone else to handle it, as I was working full-time and wanted my time off to be just that.

She started one of many campaigns to get me to move in with her. It was waged in typical narc fashion. I'd be talking to her normally, and the next thing she'd be screaming, accusing, fake-crying. The next tactic was a barrage of emails and mailed letters. She'd have people call and email me for her, people I didn't even freaking KNOW.

All of this was what I came to call my mother's war dance. In nature, a stoat or other weasel will do a war dance to frighten and confuse it's prey. Say, a rabbit. It will do this:

youtube

Small, short, frequent attacks to wear down the prey.

youtube

And strange, crazy dances.

We social animals freeze in confusion and fear. This is not normal behavior. The narcissist is counting on this. Frozen animals are easy prey, and the ones that run or freeze will do nothing to help. It's a survival mechanism - as long as it's not you. Overcoming those deep ancient brain emotions is like an arm-wrestling match with yourself.

It's hard to get away from a narc, harder still to stay away. I resisted, found a new job, and kept up with the writing. Extra income was good, and I could crank it out. Well, she found out in 2012. I was doing something she had always prided herself on, been well-paid to do and facilitate. And she could not stand it. She demanded to know who I wrote for, she wanted to talk to them. I refused to say. When I came to visit, I caught her trying to crack my password on my laptop, and she unloaded on me - I walked out.

Narcissists want the prey to freeze. When you don't, when you push back, won't give them what they want, refuse to be a rabbit, refuse to run, then they will go to full attack. The people around you will run, hunker down, become flying monkeys, and fighting back is hard. They use people against you, and we social animals can give in. It's easier to become prey or run.

My technique:

So, think about the level of Cluster B that you can live with. Think about whether you need to run (no shame in that, Narcs can be terrifying). Think about how much of yourself you are willing to give up in order not to be torn to pieces, and then get ready to give up one piece at a time until all that's left is bones. Or hope that the narc will be satisfied after a few mouthfuls and let you limp away - bleeding, wounded, and living with the scars for the rest of your life.

Coming soon, more Narc 101.

#narc 101 #narcissist 101 #narcissism #narcissistic behavior #Youtube

9 notes · View notes

she-karev · 9 months ago

Text

Out of Nowhere

Previous Chapter Here

Chapter: Two of Six

Age Rating: 12+

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy

WARNING: THERE ARE ELEMENTS OF STALKING AND HARRASSMENT IN THIS CHAPTER.

AN: Hey guys I hope you vote on the Deadpool vs Wolverine poll and reblog it to see which badass Canadian would win. I don’t know about you guys but Deadpool and Wolverine is the only movie this year I am looking forward to. Hopefully Disney doesn’t ruin it.

Summary: Amber works at the pit during the hacking and gets scared by texts coming from her stalker and Andrew comforts her.

Words: 3316

The flatlines coming from the monitors fill my ears but I push through it as I double check beds 1 to 4 to see if the patients are coding or not. The patients are freaking out and I can’t say I blame them. I would be freaking out too if my office visit turned into The Purge. I would normally update my patient’s chart on the tablets but it locked us out. This just went from some fluke with the monitors to a full-on cyber-attack. If I wasn’t so tired, I would be freaking out right now.

“Will you try and calm these people down?” Hunt orders me and I nod.

I clear my throat and speak loudly and clearly keeping a calm face, “Don’t worry everybody everything’s fine! It’s just a little technical difficulty that we will nip in the bud! Just relax and we will be back to check on you!” I turn toward the station and go to Hunt and Kepner showing my real distressed face and ask under my breath, “Okay I am keeping my voice calm but I am freaking out right now! What is going on?”

“That is what I am trying to figure out.” Hunt explains with the phone to his ear, “Tell the other interns to keep monitoring the patients since our monitors are down.”

“Okay.” I quickly approach Dahlia who looks freaked out as well, “Hunt says to monitor people by hand aka how he did before black screens became popular.”

Dahlia exhales, “My mom told me technology would be the downfall of mankind. She would be happy being proven right.”

“Let’s just keep our heads cool before we get blown up by Skynet.”

“I need to get bed 5’s records he says he’s on prescribed Flovent and needs a refill. I tried the tablets but-”

“They locked you out?” Dahlia nods, “Me too let’s try the cart.” We go to a medical cart with a monitor to try to access the records for my patient in bed 2 but I groan as the website is locked here as well, “Damn it!”

“Hey are you guys having trouble with the charts too?” I look to find Andrew standing in my right side looking at the monitor as well, “Is this just us or is it other floors too?”

Dahlia shakes her head, “I-I don’t know this just happened and-”

We stop talking as the screen fritzes suddenly causing me to stop touching the keyboard in shock. A black webpage pops up and words appear in a green font that I read aloud as more words are typed up, “Hello Grey Sloan Memorial. Currently we control your hospital. We own your servers. We own your systems. We own your patients’ medical records.”

“Skynet.” Dahlia says in a fearful tone.

Andrew keeps reading, “To regain access to your medical records, you need an encryption key which only we have. You will need to pay us exactly 4,932 Bitcoin to retrieve the key?”

I look at the screen with my fear coming back this time instead of fear for my life it’s fear for the patients. I read the last statement, “Failure to pay this ransom in a timely manner will cause your records to be destroyed and your systems to be rendered inoperable.” The screen turns off and I see Kepner calmly pulled the plug.

“I know you all are scared but let’s not let our patients see that.” We look at each other in worry, “Continue monitoring the patients while I go talk to the chief.” She leaves us by the cart and we stand there in worry.

I tsk, “We’re screwed.”

“Yep.” DeLuca agrees.

Dahlia nods, “So screwed.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I stand outside the pit with the crowd of nurses, interns and residents who all pass around clipboards with paper charts attached to it. I get mine and pull out my pen feeling like I just transported back to 1995. I was born in 93 so paper charts evolved into electronic by the time I started premed and I’ve gotten pretty used to it. It’s safe to say writing my patients vitals and BP will feel foreign and strange. I’m sure Alex will feel right at home with a pen and paper.

“Take a paper chart. Make sure your pens work.” I click my pen and see that it works.

Dr. Kepner opens the door, “We’re going to paper charts?”

“Well, it’s worked pretty well for two centuries Kepner.” Webber faces us all and speaks, “Okay, everything gets written down people and the phones are down so share cell numbers.”

Dahlia whispers to me, “You and DeLuca already took care of that.” Andrew is right next to me and unfortunately, he has the ears of a hawk and looks at me confused. I discretely stomp Qadri’s foot causing her to groan lightly, “I see we’re not at the joking place yet.”

“Shut up and type your info.” I order as I hand her my phone and she does that. DeLuca looks at me and I shake my head indicating the bad timing and we focus back on Dr. Webber.

“Now gather up every portable monitor that we have anything that is not already attached to a patient. They go to the OR’s first, then the ICU, and then the ER. She-Karev.” I look up, “You, Qadri and DeLuca will be in charge of that.” DeLuca and I nod and Qadri looks slightly upset for some reason but I ignore her.

“What are we using for ER monitors in the meantime?” Kepner asks.

“We use the old-fashioned kind. You are our monitors now people. I want you to rotate through your patients. I want you to take and retake heart rate and BP. Keep track on paper and notify Kepner of changes.”

“All right everyone, back to the Stone Age.” Kepner quips.

Webber looks at her offended, “Disrespectful.”

“Sorry.��

“Okay let’s go.” DeLuca tells me and Qadri and we follow him down the hall and I still see the sour face in Dahlia.

“What’s the face for?” I ask her as we walk side by side with DeLuca, “I mean other than the whole hospital going to hell.”

“If I wanted to be a third wheel for a couple I would have stayed in my dorm in college.” I roll my eyes at her and DeLuca raises an eyebrow confirming his suspicions.

“You told her?”

“No I did not.” I explain as we walk, “She figured it out apparently, she knows sign language and Darcy was telling me to cool our sexual tension with her in the room. You have to stop that by the way.”

“Stop what?” DeLuca asks.

“I’m making a rule when we’re in the same room in a professional setting you don’t look at me like a wolf salivating over a cartoon ham.” Andrew chuckles but I don’t have it, “I’m serious if we’re gonna keep seeing each other and work together we have to keep a church and state policy and that includes eye contact.”

He looks at me in slight amusement, “You can’t make rules about my eyes and you know I don’t stare at you like some creep. Right Qadri?”

“Don’t bring her into this.” I snap, “Who cares what she thinks?”

“Honestly you could avert your gazing Dr. DeLuca.” Dahlia says and I look at her pleasantly shocked.

“I care what she thinks.” I grin at DeLuca who scoffs.

“I’m sorry but ever since I found out I noticed you leering at her like a teen virgin face to face with his mom’s bra catalog.”

I grin at her supporting me, “And I see an upside to having someone outside in the loop.”

She groans, “And now I’m getting in the middle it’s how it always starts.”

Andrew groans clearly seeing Qadri as a nuisance, “Okay Qadri go back to the pit, tell Dr. Hunt and Kepner we got this.”

Dahlia looks relieved, “Thank you.” She walks back to the pit leaving DeLuca and I to our task. It’s bad enough some stalker kept me up all night but now I’m running on fumes trying to treat patients without accessing their records, ordering their meds, ordering their labs or even paging someone.

I inhale sharply and rub my tired eyes, “Do you think anyone would notice if I shot up my system with adrenaline from the cabinet?”

“I think they would if you said it out loud like you did just now.” I groan, “Are you okay? You look like you’re struggling.”

I shrug him off, “I’ve been better I’ll be fine don’t worry. I am not good company right now so we should go our separate ways before I say something I can’t take back.”

“Look if you want some rest, I can cover you so you can get a few hours in the lounge it’s no problem.”

“It is for me.” I snap at him and I realized I broke my rule on avoiding Andrew so he doesn’t see this tired bitchy side of me. I want to stop talking but I can’t, “I can’t afford to sleep on the job especially now. Everybody thinks I got here because I pulled my brothers name in a job interview and my richy rich parents paid for my straight A’s. I prefer it that way because revealing my real past will get me stares for the next century but I want to prove those asshat’s wrong.”

“I’m just trying to look out for you that’s all.” Andrew explains.

“Well don’t.” I stop to face him and glare at him in the middle of the busy hallway, “I don’t need be looked after like a child and I don’t need you telling me what’s good for me or not.”

Andrew looks at me confused, “I’m not doing anything wrong I’m just saying-”

“Yeah well your saying doesn’t mean jack squat.” I didn’t want to say that but my defense mechanism combined with my tired state is making me as tolerable as a tiger, “You don’t know me as well as you think. This is just a fling don’t get carried away DeLuca.” He looks at me hurt and I feel bad for what I just said and I look down at the floor in regret, “I told you I was trying not to say something I can’t back.”

He purses his lips, “Yeah well how was I supposed to know? This is just fling right? I’ll take the portable monitors in the ICU you take the O.R.’s.” He walks away from me in the direction of the ICU and I take a deep breath to keep my emotions in control before walking to O.R. 1.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I check the portable monitor in O.R. 2 making sure it’s not networked with Dr. Grey behind me doing her splenectomy with Glasses assisting. It’s sad that even he got to scrub in on his first month but I try to keep my temper in check after I pissed Andrew off. I don’t know why I said this was just a fling when last week I asked him if we were dating and was happy when he said yes. I guess it’s because my tiredness is bringing my deep-rooted insecurities out plus there’s the lingering fear over my stalker. I try to brush that off as I focus back on the problem at hand.

“Are you sure the monitor isn’t necessary in this surgery Dr. Grey?”

“We’re okay without the portable because the anesthesia’s monitor is working.” Grey explains and I exhale in relief.

“Okay good because the hacking is affecting the computers, the phones, the labs-”

“The labs are down?” Grey asks in shock.

“Yeah except for the NICU wing everything with a screen is compromised and the patient files are locked so we’re working like it’s 1976. It’s like the dark times right now.”

“You’ll survive She-Karev.” Grey says nonchalantly as she continues the surgery, “Just remember a time before you carried information in your pocket.”

“It’s gonna take a while but I can dig around my memory for that.” I grab the portable and wheel it out of the room and give it to an ICU nurse. I briskly walked out of the ICU and I hear a ding come from my phone. I pull it out of my pocket and see that I got a text message. I open it and I see the contact is marked unknown causing my spine to fill with chills and I stop in the middle of the hall.

It takes me a few moments to steady my breath and open the message board to see that it’s a picture. A picture of me in the hall right now with my back facing the camera. I quickly turn around but nobody is pointing their phone in my direction as everyone is working to keep some semblance of stability right now. My breathing shallows as I realize he’s here inside the hospital and he’s within reach.

I swallow the bile in my throat and briskly turn left so I can walk toward the elevator. I push the double doors and exit the ICU. My phone dings again and I inhale sharply before looking at the new picture this time it’s me a few seconds ago pushing the doors open with my back toward the camera again.

I quickly look behind me but nobody is there so I increase my pace. I look around for a security guard but nobody is in a blue police uniform and my brother’s ped’s wing is one floor down. I try to keep my breathing under control as I power walk across the hall towards the elevator that feels like a mile away. I finally reach the hall station and frantically press the down button waiting for the doors to open for what feels like forever.

I’ve never been so relieved to hear the dinging sound as the doors open, “Finally.” I quickly get inside the elevator and press the Lobby button opting to find a security guard. My relief is brief because I hear the dreaded message ding and I pull out my phone. The next picture is me inside the elevator with the doors wide open from the angle it looks like he’s about 10 feet away. I press the Close Door button repeatedly and the doors close agonizingly slow until an arm suddenly stops it from closing fully causing me to shriek in fear and back up in the corner.

“Amber?” I look and see that it was Andrew who stopped the doors from closing. He looks at me in concern despite me pissing him off not even an hour ago, “Whoa hey are you okay?”

I swallow and realize I must look scared out of my mind because my heart feels like it’s coming out of my chest and I just shrieked like some final girl. The elevator doors close and I am left in a small space with a guy I like who probably thinks I’ve gone insane. It’s not my fault I’m in this state and even though I don’t trust my peers with this dilemma of mine I know I can trust him.

“…No.” My voice breaks slightly with this one word from the fright fest I just experienced and Andrew can see my distress.

He rubs my arms and I register I’m shaking like a leaf, “Come on talk to me, what’s going on?”

I close my eyes and take a deep breath before pulling my phone out and handing it to him. He takes it and he can see what’s wrong from how his eyes widen as he scrolls through the board.

I find my voice and explain my situation, “He followed me last night while I was driving. I was scared to go to my place and my brothers so I drove back to the hospital and spent the night here. He kept calling me and texting me and I only got like an hour of sleep hence why I’m so cranky. He even called me at the pit, I-I tried blocking him but he found his way back.”

“Did you call the cops?”

“No I didn’t.” Andrew presents a question on his face, “They don’t arrest a creep for calling all hours of the day. I know this it’s happened to a lot of my friends.”

“You don’t know who it is?” Andrew asks with his concern growing making me feel guilty for snapping at him.

“No, I don’t.” I’ve racked my brain through the assholes I’ve dated and none of them are stalker types, “I don’t know who it is and why he’s doing this to me all I know is that he is making it his mission to harass me into insanity.”

My distress shows more as I explain this to him. I’ve tried to put up a tough front so I don’t break down in the middle of the hall. But talking to him and explaining it to him is making it more real and I realize my life is in danger causing me to take a deep breath so I can keep steady.

“Hey look at me.” I look up at him and see the same face he had on our first date when I had a panic attack, “Breath in and out.” I do that and I’m slightly calmer. I shake my head at this situation I’m in. I think ‘what did I do to deserve this?’ then it occurs to me I didn’t do anything to rattle some defective lunatic. It irks me that I feel like this is my fault somehow and I deserve this.

“It isn’t my fault.” I say to Andrew who nods and pulls me in for a hug that I appreciate even when I’m scared, “I’m sorry for what I said it was-”

“Don’t worry about it.” Andrew rubs my back as I lean my forehead against his shoulder, “I get it you don’t like being vulnerable. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out keeping up a wall and pushing people away is how you survived. I may not know you that well but I know that.”

“I’ve been alone most of my life.” I confirm bitterly, “It’s all I know and it’s worse when I feel scared.” I shudder at the mention of my stalker and he senses it because he leaves a tender kiss on the side of my head.

“It’s gonna be okay.” He continues rubbing my back in a way that makes me feel safe and keeps reassuring me, “I’ll help you talk to the cops and we’ll figure this out. You don’t have to do this alone, I’m right here.”

“Thank you I…I really do appreciate it.” It’s hard for me to admit that but he needs to know his attempts aren’t for naught. He kisses the side of my head just as the elevator doors open and I turn to see Taryn Helm, Levi Schmitt and Dahlia are out waiting. They freeze in place and I realize they can see me and DeLuca in an intimate embrace and probably saw him kissing me. I pull away from him and he looks at me sheepishly clearly as embarrassed as I am right now.

The three of them boggle at the scene and it takes a moment until Helm speaks with a condescending tone, “You’ve gotta be kidding me.” Dahlia clears her throat at the awkwardness as the only one not surprised by this revelation. Glasses is still there with his mouth open and no words coming out except ‘uh’.

I roll my eyes at them and grab DeLuca’s hand getting us both out of the elevator. I don’t care if people are watching us holding hands because at this moment right now I don’t give a fuck.

Next Chapter Here

#grey's anatomy #greysanatomy #greys anatomy #greysanatomyedit #greysedit #grey's anatomy edit #greys anatomy imagine #andrew deluca #amber karev #andrew deluca x oc #andrewdelucaedit #elizabeth gillies #headcanon #liz gillies #mine #head canon #14x09 #andrew deluca imagine

3 notes · View notes