#we must all protect Tian

[baseballmomlesbiandad]

Me watching episode 3 of To Sir, With Love: SLEEVE HE CUT THE SLEEVE CUTSLEEVE HE CUT IT OMG

[romchat]

The On1y One visual analysis (Ep. 5): Seeking an opening

Something I really enjoy about The On1y One's visual storytelling is how it uses framing to represent the tentative way Jiang Tian and Sheng Wang embed themselves into each other's lives. Through their interactions, we see Tian learning to let people in while Wang gives himself permission to trust those around him, and that fraught journey towards connection is beautifully captured by the show's cinematography choices.

From the first episode, we see the show using architectural framing to represent Tian’s aloofness, whether it’s the walls of his old neighborhood that tuck him away from his classmates or the closet that hides his always packed suitcase. So I find it really interesting how the architectural framing of his homeroom’s classroom window serves a completely different purpose: to showcase Tian’s ability to fight against his instincts for pushing people away and gradually open up to Wang.

As noted by @heretherebedork, that open window changes the (physical and emotional) wall between them. Ever since he acknowledged their relationship in Episode 3 through this window, it's here that Tian continues to signal the changing boundaries of their relationship.

Each episode he slowly transforms from a silent observer removed from the world around him to someone extending the care Wang so desperately craves, and the window, as a frame within a frame, directs our attention to the significance of these moments. Tian not only offers Wang physical relief but also emotional relief--he sees Wang despite the latter having experienced a lifetime of being ignored, and this all happens through the window.

Moreover, the camera language The On1y One uses to frame Wang's response reveals how heady that recognition feels.

One of my favorite examples of this is when Wang confronts Tian about helping capture the thugs who had attacked him. Tian denies having been involved but Wang refuses to believe him, playfully pushing him against the wall as he lists all the evidence to the contrary.

What makes this sequence of shots so compelling is how the framing changes as the two characters become more aware of the significance of Tian's actions.

The sequence is just a series of single shots (meaning each shot only features one person), but we can feel the tension between Wang and Tian because of the shift in balance and shot size. The shots start off-balanced and dirty, the characters' faces off to the edge of the frame and obscured by the other, but soon the framing closes in on their eyes gazing directly at each other. The extreme close-up is strangely honest and intimate, evoking a sense of wonder and nerves.

Being confined to such a tight frame proves to be too much for Tian, however, and the camera responds accordingly by shifting to a medium shot, as if to give him a breather. But from Wang's small smile, you can tell he feels pleasure at the idea of someone caring enough to protect him, and the camera language for the rest of the scene uses several techniques to visualize the emotional connection he allows himself to indulge in.

(See the lovely rack focus during Tian's "I was just thinking you must have been very scared" speech". Rather than editing together separate shots of Tian and Wang, the camera keeps both characters in frame and smoothly changes the focus between the two, visually linking them together. Their vulnerable conversation has fostered an irreversible shift in their relationship.)

So it's notable that when Tian tells Wang he is thinking of leaving Wang home to stay in the school dormitories, we get this absolutely devastating shot from outside their window, the closed frame now creating a stark line separating the two:

Tian: Why do you want to stay at the school? Wang: ...I wasn't familiar with you. Tian: How about now? Do you still want to stay at school? Wang: No, now that I'm more familiar with you, right? And you? Do you still want to stay at school? Tian: I think I will in the future.

Wang interprets Tian's decision as a rejection of him, and the shot is cold and isolating to reflect that. Their last few interactions were one step forward and two steps back.

What smart visual storytelling.

[miss0atae]

Random Thoughts about The On1y One (EP 5) : Loneliness and the importance of connection.

This series is slowly getting more interesting in each episodes. They take the time to develop the bond between the main characters. Each glance, each smile, each breath they take at each other is slowly bringing them closer. The story may have a school setting and it takes a large part of the series, but I feel like it's just an excuse to make Tian and Wang being around each other. There is a magnetic force that brings them together. I believe they both experienced the hard and cold loneliness in a different way. This is something they have in common.

Wang lost his mother when he was young and this death really affected him. He tried to find a connection with his father because Wang needs to have someone by his side. It goes down on the simple idea that we all need to have at least one person in our life who genuinely cares for us. Social connection on a physical and emotional level improve our overall well-being. Truth is Wang felt this connection was strained because his father was working more, his environment changed, but he felt more lonely than ever. Deep inside, Wang is looking for someone who will stay by his side. When Tian, did all these actions to get close to him, he felt like he was finding this connection again. However, this fragile bond is at risk because Tian may decide to go to the school accommodation. It's a huge blow for Wang. He was given up on this idea because he didn't feel the need anymore thanks to Tian's care. Since he had learned that Tian may still go to the school accommodation, we can see how deeply affected Wang is. Especially towards the end of the episode where he imagines a conversation with Tian who is not here with him. It's like he has already left. Wang was starting to open up more, but he may feel his efforts were in vain. It's something he hates. Right now, he feels lonely again and it must hurt more because he was starting to find a new connection with Tian.

I feel this is because Tian is also a very lonely person. It was confirmed again by Mr Ding when he invited Wang to eat at his place. We learned that Tian is not someone who get close to other easily. He is a very reserved person who doesn't like physical contact. He is careful and he has been alone for a very long time. His family never really cared about him. When you've been this way since childhood, it's very easy to backward to protect yourself. Tian is the type of person who can isolate himself from others without really think about it because it became a habit. Mr. Ding gave Wang a very good advice: “don't let him push you away”. Even if Tian has been very caring to Wang, he still keeps his heart to himself. He may still has the habit to withdraw into himself. That's why he may want to go to the school accommodation because he is not used to be around his mother and he is not used yet to be around Wang. After all, he still has his full suitcase ready to leave at any point. Even now, he hasn't emptied it. He may feel attached to Wang, but it's a new and fragile bond between two lonely souls. It will need more time and care to be indestructible. I feel the suitcase is still this very powerful metaphor of Tian's state of mind. The day when he will clear out his suitcase, will be the day when he will feel safe enough and ready to embrace his bond with Wang.

Wang is hurt by Tian's decision to still want to live outside of the house, but I feel it will be the time where he will have to show his care to Tian to convince him to stay. We've known Tian to be really caring to Wang. Again, in this episode, he took the time to find the two men who assaulted him. He is also again there to show moral support to Wang when they had to take this English exam / contest. There is no doubt about how much care Tian can give to those he likes. I would also like to add that Wang is also very caring. They both are attentive to each other. They don't have the same caring style, but all the small attentions Tian gave to Wang, are given back to him with the same kindness. We just have to hope that Wang won't forget Mr. Ding's advice and he will not let Tian pushing him away. He will have to fight for their connection too. This is maybe what Tian needs to see.

[garlicdrama]

disappointed again

this is a very biased analysis!

the dynamics of tianshan are getting boring.

guanshan has become a stereotypical bottom from yaoi.

all he does is yell, blush and cry 😫 in real life you get tired of guys like him.

do they have anything in common besides passion? they are so different.

his role is to be the object of he tian's love.

what do we know about his future?

lives in a hole

he works very hard

he very rarely sees his friends

drinks a lot

he started smoking

tianshan dynamics remain the same. the perfect he tian and the problematic guanshan.

the contrast between them is striking.

guanshan is still the one who needs to be saved.

that's how it was with she li. he tian decided everything for him.

what does guanshan want?

guitar.

motorcycle.

sport car.

money 😂

study better.

become stronger.

he wants to protect his family.

be a decent man.

all this was given to him by he tian. his mom and his friends are just extras.

It seems that for the evolution of tianshan mo must constantly suffer.

mo dumped he tian and was beaten up. he learned his lesson lol

i want to see how guanshan achieves his own goals, how he becomes independent, how he takes initiative without shyness.

mo is aggressive and insecure. he must change to be with he tian.

he tian got everything he wants, and it looks like he's finally made peace with his brother.

too much power differential.

[matchestopetrol]

MDZS x HOTD crossover drabble

I had an idea for a MDZS and HOTD crossover using more of the magic system from MDZS. Setting is in the reign of Jaehaerys and right before WWX escapes the burial mounds. I’m kinda going for a murder mystery vibe.

Lemme know what you think.

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Wei Ying knew he had to get out, he had conquered the burial mounds, become the master of resentful energy, and yet the Burial mounds would not let him leave. They clung to him with sticky, boney finger, crying, whimpering and whispering for vengeance, for the pain that they world had inflicted upon them to be paid back a thousandfold.

With every step that he took towards the border of the burial mounds the grasping became more desperate, more vicious

Wei Wuxian, Wei Wuxian don’t you want revenge?

STAy StAy let us burn

Feed us, bring us every unfilial wretch who let our bones rot here

Bring us vengeance!

He pushed forward, raising Chenqing to his lips and let the eerie notes of the ghost flute wash over the grasping hands and tear them away. Yet, stronger older hands reached out, clad in armour not seen for a thousand years, sigils of Xianle and Yong’An on their breasts. They pulled at his their resentment, ancient and fierce.

BRinG uS VenGeNn-

-here is Tian Dianxia-

            -he ate US-

                        wE hAte Hi-

-y mother, mY sister

Vengeance!

They would not let him go and fear swept through Wei Ying, Jiang Cheng and Shiije were still out there, still fighting the Wen, they needed him.

                                    And he needed them

Wen Ruohan had the pieces of the Yin Iron in his possession and he would not stop in his conquest. He needed to return home, he needed to protect his family, they were all he had left, Lotus Pier was ash and it was all his fault.

He had to get back he had to help h-

            “Wei Ying” golden eyes stared at him, burning, and melody half forgotten.

Wei Ying, buried the feelings that rose in chest, he couldn’t think of that now, he couldn’t think of the awful emptiness and the despair that they were no longer equals.

Reaching into his robes Wei Ying pulled out the Yin Tiger Tally. Raising it up he called on the energy of the burial mounds to break free and quell the never-ending hoard of restless spirits. With all his will, he pulled at the energy of the land and beyond, casting his net wide across the clan lands and beyond.

He must break free, There must be Justice!

Then there was a sudden rush, a warmth in his chest and a great tsunami of power rushed over him.

There was a deafening thunderclap that flattened trees and knocked people off their feet for a hundred li.

In the Burial mounds the ghost were cowed and yet their master was nowhere in sight.

 Where Wei Ying once stood there was a great crater, its sites smooth and shining black glass.

-------------------------------------

 Jiang Cheng stood at the war council in the Unclean Realm and couldn’t help the rage he felt boiling in his bones, they had retaken Lotus Pier, reclaimed their swords and struck back at the Wen, and yet his brother was nowhere to be found. Since that fateful day when he climbed to meet Baoshan Sanren he had not seen his brother. At first when Wei Ying had missed their meeting he had been angry, but then that anger had transformed into worry, the days past and yet there still no word about his brother.

A month passed and nothing. The worry and anger began to be tinged with fear.

Then the rumors reached his ears, Wen Chao drinking with his concubine in a tea house and boasting.

That he had killed the upstart son of a servant.

That he had bested Wei Wuxian.

That he had ordered Wei Wuxian to be thrown in the burial mounds.

Jiang Cheng didn’t want to believe it, didn’t want to think it, didn’t want to even entertain the thought that that worm had bested him brother.

But as the days and weeks past and Jiang Cheng could find no sign of his brother the sick feeling in his gut grew.

Was Wen Chao’s bodyguard not the core melting?

He pressed a hand to his lower dantian.

It had been nearly three months and Jiang Cheng was beginning to think that maybe, there was credence in those rumors. His hunt for his brother had produced no results.

He cast a glance sideways at the second young master of the Lan, despite the unasked for aid he had received.

Maybe now was the time to hunt, to track down Wen Chao and take the answers they needed from him. He moved him hand to Suiban, tucked neatly into his belt.

Then he would find his brother.

He leaned forward grabbing a map of Wen movements from the table in front of him, drawing the attention of the twin jades and Nie Mingjue

“ I pla-“

The words were cut off as a wave of restment washed over them, Nie Mingjue shouted and drew his saber while the Twin Jades whirled looking for the source.

A deep, hooking pull caught Jiang Cheng in the chest and he fell to his knees with a cry.

“Sect Leader Jiang!”

He gasped desperately circulating his energies, it felt as if someone was trying to pull out his lungs from his chest, the pull intensified and for a moment he was back in the dungeons of Lotus Pier with the core melting had standing over him.

And then the tension snapped and it was over, he gasped clutching his chest and Lan Xichen was at his side.

“Sect Leader Jiang are you injured?”

Jiang Cheng breathed, carefully moving this energy through his lower dantain, it felt a bit…cooler, but his core was strong and steady.

“I am fine” he allowed Lan Xichen to help him to his feet.

Looking around he saw that the maps that had been on the table were scattered on the ground and a painted scroll on the wall swung gently.

“What was that?”

Lan Xichen frowned looking to his brother and Nie Mingjue, who looked equally troubled, though one could never really tell with the second jade of Lan.

He shook his head “I don’t know”

Jiang Cheng felt in his bones that something had changed, something had shifted in the order of the world.

-------------------------------------

Gael walked towards the Blackwater, the pull of the water was magnetic. She walked forward as if in a dream. The babe in her belly kicked softly and tears poured down and her face, but she was quiet. Most of her sisters were dead and her brothers were distant or dead and the rest of her family seemed to be too near or too. Her father aging and unyielding, her mother clung to her and Gael felt as if she was suffocating.

It was all too much, she had always felt so isolated, coddled and hidden by her mother. A doll and she was so achingly lonely.

But he.

He had made her feel alive, made her feel desired, felt seen.

He had sang so sweetly for her, had smiled at her and whispered of life beyond the walls of the Red Keep. It had been so good and sweet, a taste of a life she had been denied.

But then it had all come crashing down.

She had gone to see him in the embrace of the night, in their place in the shadow of the godswood and he had not shown, she had waited and waited. It was only with the rising of the sun had she seen the ruby red smear of blood that glinted on the roots of the godswoods. She had tried to ask, to see if anyone had seen anything if they knew where her sweet singer was.

But, there was nothing.

She couldn’t press without being questioned on why she was so desperately looking for a bard. With every passing day, she became sure that her sweet singer had been taken from her maliciously. But, there was no clue as to who had taken him from her and no way to pursue the matter.

The days and weeks passed in misery.

Then she had been sick.

Again and again and again.

She had realized then with a nauseating mixture of joy and despair that her sweet singer had left her a gift.

And then she realized she would never be able to keep the babe. Her mother would cry and wail at the perceived despoilment of her winter child. Her father would be filled with a cold rage. Furious that one more of his daughters had soiled herself and brought shame to his name. There was no one she could turn to. Maegelle was in the raptures of faith and would have no mercy for a fallen maiden, her brothers were strangers and her nephews and nieces distant. She had no recourse, no way path left.

Except the narrow lane that wound out in front of her that led to Blackwater bay.

She and her babe would go into the depths and maybe then she and her sweet singer could be reunited. It was a unhappy and unjust end, but it was the only end that she could see.

She had slipped out of the Keep before dawn, escaping the bedroom shared with her mother and dodging the guards. Now the sun was rise on Kings Landing turning the waters of the bay shimmering shades of pink and gold. As she reached the water’s edge, she turned and looked at the silhouette of the Red Keep, whoever had killed her sweet singer was within those walls.

They would live, and she would die.

She squeezed her eyes shut, tears falling and wished deep in her heart of hearts that there could be justice in this world.

The world around her seemed to shudder.

Then she turned towards the Blackwater and a cry burst from her lips.

There was a body in the water.

[rainy19days]

This isn't really an analysis or anything deep, only my small attempt at predicting what can happen next. Also some rambling, manifesting, wishful thinking or whatever.

Considering how much Old Xian loves references to earlier chapters/scenes/panels I wonder if it's possible that we'll see a parallel to the time He Tian asked Mo about the future and gifted him the black studs.

We all love comparing similar panels and usually the conclusion is one - there's a shift, there's progress. Therefore, it isn't completely unreasonable of me to imagine that now, as we witnessed huge character development of both He Tian and Mo, Old Xian would maybe like to reuse the scene to match their current dynamic.

Through various hints and foreshadowing we already kind of know what we can anticipate. First of all, Mo wants to ask He Tian which high school he's going to attend, which inevitably leads to them talking about the future. Second of all, they plan to pierce Mo's ear, so that could happen too (I don't want to elaborate on that here, though). Finally, we can see in the future chapters that Mo wears black studs, but since the ones He Tian gave him before are broken we can assume that He Tian is going to give him new ones. All of this matches the scene perfectly.

Just imagine them both sitting on the floor at He Tian's place again. This time it would be Mo asking He Tian what he wants to do in the future ( I know he already once asked He Tian if he thinks about the future at all but this was vague, now he's genuinely interested and wants to ask specific questions as opposed to all the times he said he doesn't care about anything that involves He Tian).

He Tian would take out the small box and give it to Mo.

Last time Mo said the studs were so-so. I imagine that this time he'd be speechless and teary eyed, remembering what happened to the original pair, what happened to him, what happened and changed between them. He'd be moved at He Tian's thoughtfulness. Happy how they both cherish this symbol of He Tian's protection and Mo's trust in him.

Maybe He Tian would say that whatever happens they'll figure it out. That whatever happens this is their promise to each other to keep believing in each other and support each other. If He Tian tells Mo he's going away, and they cry and mourn their upcoming separation, he might then tell Mo he's gonna do everything to keep in touch, that he'll be back for him. Asking Mo to wait for him. Or saying he can't ask him that but he wishes he would.

Mo wouldn't run to the bathroom to put on the studs himself. He would let He Tian do it.

And I can only wish that similar to the part where He Tian pushes Mo to the floor, there'd be a different angle of him doing it again. We'd be looking at them from behind the bed. This time He Tian would be leaning in gently, closing the distance between them and Mo letting him as they slowly lay down with Mo's hands wrapped around He Tian's back...

Just some additional thoughts...

While the thought of Mo being left behind is painful and everyone knows how hurt he's gonna be, I can't stop thinking about what He Tian must be going through. He knew about the transfer forever, and then he met Mo and fell in love and even though his feelings only grew stronger he also knew that eventually he'd be forced to move somewhere he doesn't want to go and part with the person he cares about the most.

He Tian has probably been heartbroken ever since he realized his feelings for Mo. This one fact in itself is tragic. Whatever happens next it's going to be so devastating for the both of them.

[owengrose]

FROM theories!!! I just watched From all the way through and I have Thoughts:

Victor was born in that town. Anytime anyone mentions going home, he never says anything. The one time he responds, he says "This is my home."

All the other original members of the town either turned into the monsters or were killed by them. When Victor first emerges from the cellar, we see a ton of bodies in the street. For it to be that many people, they must not have known the rules about the monsters, which makes me think it's either the first night they appeared or one or the very first at least.

There are forces trying to help the people in town, and forces trying to hurt them. I think the ghosts of former residents (Abby is the only one we've seen but it seems like there are others too) are trying to help by sending dreams and other signs. But I'm pretty sure the Bad Forces are able to mimic them, like with the voices Sara hears.

I think the town used to just be a place you couldn't leave. But then when Christopher started seeing that symbol, he did Something that created the monsters.

The vibe of everything happening feels kind of similar to stories about the Fae. You walk out of a room only to find the building in ruins. You can see and touch things that will vanish an instant later without a trace.

I think the symbol Jade sees is connected to the civil war soldiers somehow. The crossed lines look like rifles standing up to me.

The people who end up in the town are thinking about second chances, or starting fresh. Kenny and Tian-Chen with Bing-Qian, Mari with rehab, the Stevens family with Boyd's boat and him retiring, Bakta with finally paying off her degree and going to travel, Jade with selling his company, the Matthews family with the impending divorce/getting over Thomas's death, Nathan bringing Sara back from Boston, etc etc. I think something about the nature of these people thinking so hard about a fresh start makes them like a magnet to the town.

Questions:

What do the Civil War soldiers have to do with this?

Who carved the talismans? And how to they protect from the monsters?

What does the symbol mean?

What does "anghkooey" mean?

How did the worms kill the monster?

Why are Kenny and Elgin such genders?? Seriously, both of them are gender goals for me

When will the town start pooling knowledge to figure things out?

Why did both the Bottle Tree and the tower in Tabitha's dream have (what seem to be) years written down?

What happened to Eloise? Victor said he found his mom's body, but where was hers?

The symbol for St. Anthony's hospital when Tabitha wakes up is similar to the symbol Jade sees. How are they connected?

[rocketturtle4]

To Sir With Love, a Reflection

What is Love and What is Duty?

MAJOR SPOILERS

ALSO TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR SUICIDE (briefly mentioned)

The way family love is framed in this show, sparked a lot of reflection and made me realise how un-nuanced some of my thoughts about love have been. (This also made me realise how engaging I find generational family trauma in stories like this so thanks @lurkingshan for answering all my questions).

(This post follows the journey of my thinking so it’s a bit choppy, skip to Duty vs Devotion Vs Love if you want the outcomes bit)

During my initial thoughts about this show I stumbled across @waitmyturtles big meta on: Pain, Suffering, and Narratives in Some Asian Dramas/BLs and it definitely impacted my thinking so go read that.

What struck me as particularly odd (on a personal level) was the idea that western parents are conditioned to love their children. Turtles uses these phrases as examples of a common Western Experience

“There is NO WAY your parents don’t love you.”

“There is NO WAY your parents will ever give up on you. Even if they treat you badly, they love you.”

“In the West, we ALWAYS end up loving our children. That’s what society demands of PARENTS. We’re CONDITIONED to be like that.”

And uh What? *checks own brain* that doesn’t seem right fitted to my experience? (I come back to this at the end, promise)

Now, the point that Turtles goes onto make about Asian family structures is deeply meaningful and poignant (Summarised very briefly, by her, as:

“The equation is: even if you suffer at the hands of your parents, even if you don’t receive unconditional love and empathy from your parents, you must sacrifice in order to respect and serve your parents”)

GO READ IT IT’S BEAUTIFULLY MOVING AND IMPORTANT

However, part of the reason I feel this is relevant is because I DID NOT assume that Tian’s parents (Or Yang’s parents for that matter) loved him going into this show.

I am not quite sure where my own frame of thinking, (of parental love is not an automatic assumption) comes from, now that I know this isn’t standard, I’ll be looking into it further, but I felt it was important to start with this frame because I’ll be talking about the way this drama reshaped my thoughts on love, especially familial love, thus my starting point seems important.

SO

Prior to about episode 14/15 I would have argued that neither of Tian’s parents loved him, they only loved the idea of him. (A literally line I thought to myself as I watched)

Li’s (Tian's mum) arc was the most impactful so I just want to give a quick rundown of the stages I went through and then I will be talking to some of these stages, with reference to Li (Mum), Song (Dad), Yang (brother) Chan (Wife 2, Yang's Mum), and Bua (Wife 3):

Stage 1 (most of the series): She (Li) doesn’t love her son, her love died when she realised he was a homosexual and everything since then has been about his conformity and power for herself.

Stage 2 WHAT, Maybe she does love her son

Stage 3 OH she definitely loves her son (SO WHYYY?)

Stage 4 Maybe she loves his son despite him being gay, rather than accepting him as a whole?

Stage 5 No she doesn’t even seem that specifically hung up on the homosexual, just his safetly

WAIT

Stage 6 Was all this…protective did she actually love him the whole time??? WHAT THE FUCK

Thus reflection:

Stage 1 (some initial thoughts)

Turns out my view on love is (or was?) rather black and white: to love someone & to hurt that person knowingly and intentionally were two concepts I viewed as mutually exclusive: Li hurt her son both physically and mentally on a regular basis and so from my initial standpoint she could not love him. (very unnuanced) (for the record, I'm not saying love and hurt are mutually exclusive (lol) but that I thought love and ongoing intentional hurt were)

In some ways I believed (emphasis on past tense) Song's love for Tian was greater than Li’s but that his love was also false due to a lack of knowledge.

Yang is the bestest bro but we’ll get back to him

Question: Did I really believe that all the actions Li took to protect Tian’s secret were not born out of love while she actively murdered people? Yeah kind of.

I had ascribed her a very similar motivation I ascribed to Chan: She wished to remain as the first wife and retain power and thus needed her son as the next head, discovery of his secret would end this possibility, so it must be kept secret at all cost.

I did not even ascribe her fear for her son’s death as a possible motivation which retrospectively seems very odd. My bias towards Li as unloving is why I had the whole opening section of this post.

Stage 2-4

I think part of the change in my thinking began not with Li’s actions towards Tian, but with Li’s interactions with Song midway through the show.

Song knows of Tian’s secret (but not what it is) and implores Li to tell him (and implores Tian to tell him but that’s not discussed here even if it was at that moment, I decided I hated him) and it is very clear that Li, really WANTS to tell him,

She wants to preserve their marriage.

She wants to give back the honesty he’s asking for,

BUT she never even considers actually doing so because to do so would condemn her son.

That she sacrifices her relationship with her husband to protect her son’s secret was the first rock to really put a dent in my un-nuanced take on her characters motivation.  

A lot of things happen from here, but Li throwing herself in front of the police officers and begging them to take her instead was definitely the final straw that shattered my perceptions.

But hold on, I’m getting ahead of myself

Stage 5

The societal and familial homophobia woven through this story and most strongly represented by Song is also a key part of this reflection.

The fact that Song grieves his brothers death, grieves for the brother he was closest too, grieves for the breakdown of the five families that they’d built and STILL VIEWS SAID BROTHER AS LESS THAN A MAN FOR BEING A HOMOSEXUAL was feckin INSANE.

But it was also the reality of what I’d been imposing onto Li. This is the kind of (not)love I ascribed to her.

Song didn’t truly love his brother for who he was, only who he knew him to be. And if knowing something fundamental makes you view that person as less, then, in my opinion, you never really loved them in the first place. You don’t love them, you love your own perception of them. You don’t love them, you love the idea of them.

(Look at Song here, reinforcing my black and white thinking, no wonder this show got me all twisted around).

Now Li on the other hand arguably doesn’t believe that being a homosexual makes her son automatically less.

Does she believe that he needs to supress this part of himself to become head of the families? Yes,

BUT, I would argue that this is more to do with her knowledge that he’ll definitely be unable to inheret due to Songs views (and may be kicked out of the family/die) than any personal belief of his unsuitability.

She views him as competent DESPITE his homosexuality, this is something that is hidden for his safety, more than for making him less of a man.

(I am not saying this is okay, just unpacking the different motivations as I understood them, and given ep 1 she KIND OF HAS A REASON)

I'm also not saying she's not homophobic (There is also her view that he can ‘be fixed’ as seen in her repeated attempts to get him to sleep with a woman in case he realises he likes it. Which is messed up, but again NOT my primary point.)

Stage 6

Turns out she loves him a ton after all:

She throws herself in front of the police

She planned to commit suicide (yes to absolve herself of her wrongs for some religious adjacent nuance I didn’t fully understand as a western viewer but also to ensure that her wrongs didn’t negatively impact her son’s future)

She sacrifices her husbands trust in her (as mentioned earlier)

She would sacrifice who she is in her sons eyes (someone he does love) to secure his ideal future (as she see’s it).

She loves her son and this love comes out in what I have reframed for myself as Devotional love

Duty vs Devotion vs Love

Duty is, I think, what we often see framed as love or love adjacent in the families portrayed in Asian drama’s, at least to Western viewers.

Children are taught they have a duty to their parent’s ABOVE ALL ELSE

Above love

Above self-care

Above other relationships

This is what their parents expect from them.

This is what’s framing their parent’s investment in their lives.

Duty WITHOUT love is, in my opinion, what we see discussed in turtles post with the examples of “Non’s father in Dark Blue Kiss; or Korn’s father in Double Savage; or ESPECIALLY Uea’s mom in Bed Friend”

Do these children love their parents? I have no earthly clue

Do these parent’s love their children? I would say no, but that doesn’t change the fact that as their children they must be DUTIFUL.

Devotion is then the intersection of duty and love, it is love with expectations. My current thinking is that many child-parent relationships in Asian dramas, especially child to parent, fall firmly into this category. How much emphasis is placed on duty over love seems to link with how damaging that relationship can be.

Li’s love for her son falls into this category, her love is for her son but her duty is for his future position and safety and this is of highest value to her, higher than her love for who he is.

This is a thread I definitely notice in Asian dramas, she is not duty without love as mentioned above, she is not “rooted in judgement against her offspring” (again from turtles) to the exclusion of all love, but this does colour her raising of him in a way that is significantly traumatising.

I think it is possible that Dad in Khun Chai may have reached this level of judgement if he had discovered his son’s secret (in a less extreme situation) and Li knows this, and so must keep him safe.

Though in the end he sees this too:

Yang & Tian

Now, Devotional love is something I also want to talk about in the context of Yang and Tian because I feel that the kind of love Yang has for Tian is different to the kind of love Bua has for both boys and this is the only way I can articulate how.

It's also important to know that duty often forms a part of a relationship that involves commitment (family or otherwise) so I am not saying devotional love is bad.

Despite Chan's best efforts, Yang grows up devoted to his older brother, we see this COUNTLESS times through the drama, and it was undoubtedly my favourite part.

Yang’s love for Tian is unconditional and certain, his realisation that Tian is gay leads to his desperate search for, and hug of his, brother, because he IMMEDIATELY recognises how hard that must be.

It does not alter how much he loves his brother

It does not make him think of his brother as different or less

If anything it increases his determination to keep his brother safe.

This Protectiveness leads his love further up the scale into Devotion

Yang’s love felt very devotional to me because he loves his brother and acts as if it’s his duty to protect him (despite being younger).

We see this in his taking of punishments for Tian

In how he searches for answers to the murder and then only tells Tian about it after talking to Pin as he initially believes protecting Tian is more important than anything else

(I have not got to talk about Pin, but I would argue Tian’s love becomes less devotional (less lead by duty in the form of protectiveness) as:

He shifts to being the caretaker of Pin as well

Jiu is introduced into Tians life

This combination (especially Pin) leads him to treating Tian with more autonomy.)

A key difference, even at the start of the show between Li and Yang’s devotional loves is the focus of their duty.

Li’s is to Tian’s future

Yang’s is to Tian

Yang's duty to his parents (especially his father) is much less (or at least shown as less important) than his duty to his brother.

Tian

I'm not going to talk about Tian's love

ITS ALL FRICKEN SACRIFICIAL @colourme-feral

Boy needs to care less about his duty.

(Sacrificial = Extreme Duty + Love)

Bua

Bua’s love and acceptance of Tian (and of Yang) felt different to Yang’s love and acceptance of Tian and this a key part of helping me frame the duty vs devotion vs love

To me, Bua is the best example we have of love without duty (or with minimal duty at least), her (literal) separation from the family due to infertility (she lives in a different building) leads to having less stakes in the whole game. She loves the boys, but she does not believe anything is more important that them being themselves. Duty is not part of her relationship with them, and arguably, duty is not part of their relationships with her.

In my opinion, Li tries to instil a sense of duty in Bua’s love when she encourages her adoption of Tian, but it doesn’t really have the desired effect.

Bua loves them, but she also clearly loves Song and we can see (for example in the way Yang never tells her Tian’s secret and she never pressures him), that her care for others does not come with a caveat of duty. (Song pressures her though)

Did she have a duty to Song? to anyone? Would her love have lead her to the belief that Song needed to know? Ugh, honestly I have so many questions about Bua.

Side Note

Obsessional love is something different again which didn’t really feature in this drama but which my current thinking frames as possessive devotional love, (with possessiveness causing corruption maybe? Not sure).

ALSO

I feel like the duty/love scale overlaps with a lot of what we see in the portrayals of marriage on screen where duty is often put first and foremost in a way that often breaks down over time or leads to resentment but I haven’t really thought about this in detail.

What was the point of all this?

I think as westerners a key difference in family culture is the way duty is framed in parent child relationships. Having written all this I can now return to this point:

“In the West, we ALWAYS end up loving our children. That’s what society demands of PARENTS. We’re CONDITIONED to be like that.”

And, while I’m still feeling rather uncertain about the phrasing of this, I do think that societally (in the west) parents have a duty to their child RATHER THAN children having a duty to their parents (in Asian cultures)

That’s what feels the most different to me, and I think often expectation of care (duty) is framed as love, you're expected to care for your children and thus you must love them.

But parents don't necessarily love their children even when they care for them. Doing your duty is not the same as loving,

its still causing me a bit of disconnect, so maybe it’s causing disconnect for other people as well.

I’m not sure how realistic my duty to love scale is, but I wanted to chronicle the ways this show shaped my thinking, in the hopes other shows will change my thinking in new ways.

I am very keen to view other shows on @lurkingshan’s generational trauma challenge and see how my thinking continues to grow.

Also I loved this show like crazy and gave it 94%, equal 10th out of 76 shows. Go watch it if you haven't.

[nightfayre]

I wanted to share a thought on He Cheng that has been on my mind a lot lately.

Have you ever thought about young He Cheng? His life and development during his teenage years? My heart breaks at the fact that He Tian had lost his mother at a such young age, the child who missed all the tender touches and kind smiles from that mother's unconditional love. But I think we tend to forget about He Cheng. He was only a teenager when he lost one of the most important and the most loving people in his life and was left alone to battle against his father's ideology in order to protect his little brother. During his teenage years, when he only knew what the life was like with both parental figures, the years when he just started to become his own person; the same years he lost something so precious in his life and was left to deal with the consequences all by himself. He knew that the father had power over him since he was not yet independent and the other still held guardianship over him. He was aware of the father's line of work which he despised since childhood because it made his mother cry. But he made a personal choice, that in order to subdue his brother's misery from the affect of that side of his father, he would become the prodigy. He would become the one responsible and the perfect child so He Tian will have the freedom to become someone who He Cheng did not get a chance to become. He Tian once said that He Cheng became a person he hates the most, but who said that He Cheng does not hate himself for that as well? He sacrificed his future in order to protect a loved one (He Tian). He sacrificed his life in order to give He Tian that gleam of opportunity for something pure. As much as it hurts to see the panels where He Tian feels lonely and isolated, it becomes even more unbearable because the only person who knows exactly what it is like, is being misunderstood by him. I think He Cheng is one of the most loneliest and the most heartbreaking characters there are in that universe.

Thank you, I just wanted to share a little piece of mind

hi!! <3 sorry for the delay in my response. I’ll explain why I waited to reply in a second

but first I want to say that I completely agree with every point you made! I don’t want to waste too much time restating all the thoughts you explained because I think you said them well enough yourself <3

but still, I agree that He Cheng made/makes a lot of sacrifices for He Tian. he clearly loves his little brother. but I also think He Tian is too young and ignorant to fully understand that. he’s still harboring hurt from when he was blindsided by Cheng when he was younger. clearly they had a much better relationship before Cheng “became someone He Tian hates the most.” I can’t imagine the isolation they both must have felt when Cheng began to adapt to their fates. and it’s not just about the dog — it’s about everything else too. it’s about the fact that they only had each other after their mother passed, and then they quickly lost each other, too. they are both very, very lonely — but neither of them are willing to show it bc of their lovely, lovely pride. He Tian is beyond lucky to have a brother like Cheng, given their circumstances; he just can’t appreciate that fact yet

and listen: I know I won’t shut the fuck up about my ongoing fic, but the timing of this ask is too perfect to not mention the chapter I just posted to desecration. that’s why I wanted to wait to post this response. although it’s a tianshan fic, the He brothers were one of the driving factors/inspirations behind the story

lmk if you’re not interested in reading the entire fic but still want to see excerpts that explain my thought process/evaluation of the He brothers’ relationship and history! <3

[unforth]

Well I still feel pretty terrible and I slept like garbage but I had a thought in the middle of the night and I think there's something in it and that's Tian Guan Ci Fu focusing on characters who grew up isolated, who had lonely childhoods, and how it fucked them all up in different ways. Like hardly a single character in it had a healthy childhood (for those whose childhoods we know about), and this being a major theme is lampshaded by the few children in the book - Guzi, who every single "good" person in the book still allows to stay with Qi Rong, and Cuocuo, who is a literally a dead fetus but who still responds to maternal affection, and Lang Ying, and the dead baby.

So like:

Xie Lian, lonely, isolated, and treated as inhuman/perfect

Hua Cheng, isolated because of his fate, abused for his appearance

Qi Rong, mental illness ignored and left untreated

Mu Qing, abused for being poor

Feng Xin, isolated by dint of being the prince's sole companipn

Quan Yizhen, abused for being different/"acting weird" (being autistic, imo)

Banyue, abused for being of mixed heritage

He Xuan, cursed

Meanwhile, their stories are often contrasted directly against those people who had a supposedly more normal experience - like Yin Yu and Quan Yizhen, where Yin Yu has a solid community (but that community is actually toxic, see also how they all treat Quan Yizhen and somehow treat the results as Yin Yu's responsibility), and the Shi family versus He Xuan (except Shi Wudu is an awful person which leads to, ya know, everything - this one is the most direct and obvious contrast since He Xuan's ruined childhood and life are the direct result of Shi Wudu's actions to protect his in group with zero regard for anyone in the outgroup who might get hurt), and the Peis contrasted with Banyue (while Pei Xiu cared for Banyue there must have been background familial pressure on him not to interact, or else she wouldn't have been starving on the streets and wouldn't have had to rely on Xie Lian, and meanwhile Pei Ming's "family" - his army - ultimately betrays him while claiming to act for him.)

And of course, the Prince of Wuyong with his harem, uh, I mean four BFFs who helped him govern, compared with Xie Lian, who has only himself, Feng Xin, and Mu Qing - as in three teenagers being left to fend basically for themselves in the face of kingdom-shattering disaster. And there's also Jun Wu's construction of heaven, held together by the glue of manipulation and forced conformity with so many scandals kept under wraps. (Yes I've read the whole book. I'm trying to keep this readable for people who haven't. If you've also read the whole thing you can easily carry this paragraph to a logical conclusion about Jun Wu's actions in heaven.)

Idk that I've got enough brain to tie this all together with a neat bow, but I just feel like there's something here, about how hard so many of these people try to do the right thing but it's difficult because of their harm caused to them by the neglect and abuse of their childhood, and about how family and support networks only function to help if those supports aren't broken and toxic, about how the found family Xie Lian ultimately manages to construct functions because they all love each other despite their baggage instead of constantly being on the lookout for how to tear each other down over the least sign of nonconformity.

I hope this is coherent. Idk just, since I've been sick I've just reread like more than half of the book in less than a week (English books 3, 4, and 5) and it's giving me thoughts.

[joylinda-hawks]

Find Prince Qi! WOH, episode 35, part 3. WKX watches in horror what is happening in Ghost Valley and sees a seriously injured GX lying on the ground. Calling her name, WKX jumps down. He starts a fight with the arriving members of the sect. ZZS is also joining the fight. He calls ZCL to find JBY, the boy follows the master's orders. Prince Qi and ZCL watch the fight in horror. DW joins the fight. ZZS effectively fights its opponents. Women join the fight. LQQ fights no worse than a man. LFM also fights with men and does not give way to them. One of the contestants asks YQF if he is crazy. The cult leader stops, but at that moment he is stabbed with a sword by LQQ. Seeing who stabbed him, YQF asks LQQ if she really forgot him. However, the woman is unable to demand the final blow, as a result of which one of the sect's students stabs her with a sword. LFM sees this and wants to run to LQQ. In another part of the mountain, the fight is watched from afar by the Scorpion King and his men. ZJ is on a stretcher. The Scorpion King states that they are fighting there for the Glazed Armor, killing each other. He adds that no one knows that all the parts of the lock and key are in his hands. He then turns to ZJ, calling him father and asking why he looks at him like that. He also asks if she doesn't believe him, explaining that since WKX wasn't dead, Bailu's body that fell off the cliff wasn't his. Therefore, the key found on this body must have been a fake. He adds that WKX gave him a real key in exchange for his cooperation. The Scorpion King says everything is here. He also shows a piece of the Glazed Armor that ZJ gave him. ZJ tries to get up and say something, and his foster son shows him another piece of the Glazed Armor, saying that this piece belongs to Tian Chuang. He explains that now that MHY has fallen into his trap, he will soon bring the remaining three parts to the Scorpion King. The young man declares that he has all the items that ZJ has been seeking for 20 years. The Scorpion King hides the Glass Armor and the key. He adds that sometimes ambition awakens in his heart and some people call it a dream. But what ZJ has in his heart is emptiness, because ZJ has no heart. ZJ, unable to answer, closes his eyes. WKX is horrified and surprised by what he sees and joins the fight without hesitation. His only goal is to protect the injured GX, the rest doesn't matter for now. ZZS and DW join the fight. Women also fight for survival: LFM and LQQ, who hurts her former lover. A moment's hesitation before striking the final blow costs her her life. Meanwhile, it seems that the biggest winner is the Scorpion King, who watches the warring sides from a distance. He takes pleasure in tormenting ZJ by telling him how he allied himself with WKX. ZJ can do nothing but watch his adopted son achieve everything he couldn't. The Scorpion King truly lives up to his nickname. Looking at this scene, we see beautiful, but for many, deadly choreography. ZZH and GJ look great in scenes like this.

[dreamingsushi]

Till the End of the Moon - Episode 12

Last episode we started going through the first trial to destroy the evil bone. I mean, they didn’t explicitly say so, however as we know, they entered a dram and the first key is supposed to be obtained through a dream, I would say it’s only a question of adding one and one together, right? Susu is now a princess, sister to Xiao Lin, while Tantai Jin is the god of war and Ye Bingchang is entrusted into his care (not really sure about their actual relationship). To put it briefly.

And obviously, as soon as I start the episode, my Ipad dies on me and I can’t connect to Youtube on the hotel’s TV. I guess it’s a sign I must go to the gym and stop being lazy... But I really wanted to watch it now TT__TT Back, all cleaned up and aching everywhere, but so ready for this.

Between to fights, Mingye (Tantai Jin) pays one last homage to his fallen comrades. When his wife (or betrothed? Or something else, I’m not really sure, but Ye Bingchang)comes to take care of him since he’s still injured from the previous battle, he says he would rather be alone. Seems to me that he isn’t too much into her. When the fighting resumes, the lord of demons appears on the same carriage that Tantai Jin was riding at the beginning of the drama, before time travel happened, and he can also wield the same powers. At first, I thought it might be himself, like some sort of alter ego, after all the hardest fights are always the ones against oneself. However, the masked man’s voice isn’t the same as Tantai Jin (and I would know because I’m not a big fan of it, sorry actor, but you’re still great). I’m not discarding the idea for now, it could be on purpose for a plot twist, after all the writers of this series seems to be rather keen on them. Anyways. Mingye wasn’t fully strong enough to defeat the demon lord and ends up falling down in the Mo River after being pierced through his chest. Sang Jiu (Susu) finds him first, but Tian Huan (Ye Bingchang) pushes her away. Even in this “life” she’s very useless and can only cry about Mingye not waking up. Upon noticing that the enemy is going after Mingye, Sang Jiu tells Tian Huan to come with her and they take along the unconscious Mingye. She takes them to a place where he could heal and cast a protective shield. Useless lady doesn’t want to be left alone, in case they find them, but Sang Jiu is going to lead them away. So far, only Tantai Jin is a little more different than is usual self. The other characters don’t seem to have majorly changed.

Tian Huan is worried about what is going to happen to her were Mingye to die. Still as selfish. When she uses her spiritual powers, it seems it does more harm than good. Behind the two of them is an ancient criystal, a very rare and precious thing. She decides that she should take it to save Mingye’s life, anyways it should be an honour for the clam tribe that it was used to save the god of war. So she steals the crystal and gives it to Mingye. Magic Magic. It’s causing everything to crumble under the river’s waters, endangering everyone. She faints. The elder is very mad about it and wants to take back the crystal. When he’s about to kill Mingye doing so, Sang Jiu interpose herself to protect him and says that she’s the one who brought him there. She begs that they don’t kill him. She says that she’ll take responsibility for it, but there’s no way she can make it up to save all those who are going to die. But she decides to sacrifice herself so the people could be protected and she gives away her divine essence to replace the crystal.

Her dad feels guilty because he thinks she did it because he hit her. Her brother (Xiao Lin) says that she grew up and did it to protect her people. Her father won’t let things as is, since she lost her divine essence, she won’t be able to ascend to immortality anymore.

Mingye is surprised to be still alive, but he doesn’t have much time to think about what happened. Sang Jiu’s dad comes in. He’s very angry and accuses Mingye of stealing the cristal. He says that saying thank you to his daughter won’t be enough, she lost all of her future perspectives because of him, so he wants him to marry her and take her to the immortal realm where he would protect her.

Her brother isn’t too keen on the wedding and tells SAng Jiu that he’ll convince their dad to cancel it is she doesn’t want to. But she signs the contract. Even though she knows they never met and he won’t love her, she likes him and wants to get closer to him. When Mingye comes to take Sang Jiu, Sang You threatens to come for him if he doesn’t treat Sang Jiu properly. Mingye promises he will. But I think her life up there won’t be easy, with Tian Huan crushing on the god of war and all the rumours that he had to marry her because he was blackmailed. However, I enjoyed how pretty are their cothing for the wedding. It’s really gorgeous, so far they are doing very well in this drama costume wise. I guess Mingye isn’t so happy about his wedding, as he delays the moment he’s going home to his bride. I mean, he was kind of coerced to it, so it’s kind of understandable. Just a little sad for Sang Jiu who’s waiting for nothing because he never goes to see her that night.

The maids make fun of Sang Jiu for being curious about everything and being amazed at everything she sees. Mingye scolds them for not telling her that she shouldn’t eat some fruit because it tastes bad (bitter I guess based on her face expression). When she sees him, she goes after him and apologizes for falling asleep while waiting for him. Then he tells her that since this wedding wasn’t out of their own will, they are only spouses in name, so they should establish three rules between them: first not interfere with each other’s life, second not to use her title to bully other people and third that he’ll divorce her when she meets some she likes and wants to marry. Then he leaves her to attend to military duties.

Sang Jiu asks the maids what are the hobbies of Mingye, but all he ever does is training and fighting wars. Suitable for the god of war if I must say. One of the maids slips up, talking about Tian Huan and how she tries to get closer to Mingye, but the other one prevents her from saying too much. Sang Jiu figures out she can’t be lazy anymore and hopes she can be admitted as an exception to Mingye’s troops if she trains hard enough at wielding weapons. That she could be with him more and maybe help him during battles. Now I understand the relationship between Tian Huan and Mingye. Tian Huan’s father was the previous god of war, Mingye’s brother in arms, and when he died he entrusted Tian Huan into his care. And there I thought they might be married or engaged. It shows how much my Chinese regressed... Sang Jiu wants to visit Tian Huan, but she’s still unconscious so it would be better to wait for a better time.

And that’s it for episode twelve. I was afraid that the dream would stop just as Sang Jiu sacrificed her divine essence. I thought she would die, but I’m glad we have little bit of time in this alternate life. It’s nice that for once Tantai Jin isn’t as miserable. I can’t wait to discover what’s next! Hopefully not too much of the jealousy trope between Sang Jiu and Tian Huan. I don’t want to see another Susu and Sujin situation here.

[mycatwantstoeatpins]

[Description: gifset of Ye Bingchang speaking to the devil god spirit. She has Tian Huan's bearing and expressions instead of the humble and gentle demeanor she's (mostly) presented until now. Captions:

'Tian Huan has the power of the flying serpent, yet all she knows is to be jealous and try to please Ming Ye. I'm nothing like her. In this world, nobody is more worthy of my love than me. Tian Huan is willing to kill for a man but I will only do that for myself.']

Ye Bingchang is such an interesting character to me. The show is really good at revealing different facets of the characters over time and she's one of the earliest examples - to start with she's presented as the gentle, long-suffering, forgiving, philanthropic elder sister and her relationship with Xiao Lin as very pure and loving.

Then when it's announced she'll be Xiao Lin's concubine instead of his wife, her facade cracks. We see her entire persona has been crafted to protect herself; she thinks if she follows all the rules and embody all the womanly virtues, she'll be protected. And you can see how she got there; growing up with Ye Xiwu as both her sister and social superior must have been hell. So hearing she'll be a concubine instead of a wife kind of breaks her.

At the wedding, when she pleads with Xiao Lin to stay with her - I really love this scene. I don't think it's the start of her villain arc; it's both understandable that she would react that like under stress and that he would be unable to stay with her. She only survives at Tantai Jin's whim. And I think it also reinforces her sense that she's alone and doesn't have a path to safety through him.

As Tian Huan, she's completely unlike the Ye Bingchang we've seen so far. But when she speaks to the devil god spirit for the first time she's very explicit that she will always look out for herself first. It isn't clear how much affection she actually has for Xiao Lin and possibly not even clear to her since her feelings would all be entangled with what he represents as an escape from being a concubine's daughter to being a wife.

Xiao Lin puts her second again when he chooses loyalty to his father above loyalty to her and to his soldiers. In the palace, she continues what she knows, kneeling and praying endlessly; it gets her some sympathy but no material improvement in her situation.

Tantai Jin storms the palace and she decides she'll be better off with him. When he's using to ... replace Ye Xiwu? Make Ye Xiwu jealous? Ye Bingchang has another fascinating scene where the two sides of her self argue with each other, the one that's more like Tian Huan and the one that's more like the person she's presented herself as. So part of her wants to remain loyal to Xiao Lin, but her self-interest prevails.

(It's also kind of interesting that she and Tantai Jin had some initial commonality in being in vulnerable positions and having to use every fraction of leverage to get themselves out. But he's been much successful than she has and he seems to despise her for her stratagems.)

Then Tantai Jin reconciling with Ye Xiwu presumably hits all her 'Ye Xiwu is the favourite daughter who gets everything she wants and I get nothing' buttons and she offers to betray Xiao Lin. She's frantically trying to play both sides, presenting herself as both Xiao Lin's wife/concubine and Tantai Jin's ally and she finally reaches the point where it's impossible to maintain her facade.

I'm only at the end of episode 23 but I don't think she's coming back from this.

I am nothing like her. ⸺

[miss0atae]

Random Thoughts about The On1y One (EP 7) : Home is where the heart is.

This episode was again so satisfying to watch. It's been 7 episodes so far and I can say without any doubts that you can't get bored in The On1y One. Things may move slowly, but it's just like a narrow path we're taking on a journey to learn more about our main leads. We gradually uncover more about them. You see where their loneliness comes from and how they found in each other someone who can help them overcome it. Their attachment is real and so touching. You can't be indifferent. This time we learn about why Tian is feeling always ready to leave. How lonely it must have been to be a child left to live with your grandmother who has dementia. Your parents are not here and you can only count on yourself and the small kind attentions you sometimes receive. We understand why Tian can be so protective on those who he has affection for. If you give him love, he will give it back to you so much. It was just like when he was a kid and the cat of Mr. Ding gave him the affection he was clearly lacking. The cat died, but Tian found in Wang another someone who gives him what he desperately needs deep down.

They've been giving us some hint about Tian's relationship with his father and it doesn't sound good. I wonder if his father was a bit abuse to him. It's not clearly stated in this episode, but what we know is that he wasn't a good father anyway. He never gave Tian the love he deserves and that's why he didn't feel like staying with him. It's really sad because his father was an orphan. I thought that when you had to grow up by yourself, if one day you get to have a child, maybe you'll want them to avoid living the same loneliness you had to endure. I may be wrong as I've never been an orphan… but that's what I believe. Unfortunately, Tian's father has his own traumas and he wasn't caring enough about his son. At least, Tian's mother is feeling guilty because she felt like she missed her son's childhood and she is trying. Obviously, it won't change the fact that Tian had to grow up by himself and it has left scars on him (physically and morally). That's why, he is always on the go, ready to move and never feeling like he has a place to stay. Wang learned about all of these and you can see how it resonates in him. He also knows what is loneliness. They have both experienced it in a very different way. Wang is also very loyal just like Tian and they life are now intertwined.

I really liked the time they spent together. You can see from each episode how their bond is growing. Wang said to Tian “I will be by your side” and he meant it. I feel Tian wasn’t expecting this, but it really made a big impression on him. Has anyone said these words to him before? When you’re a child, you need your loved ones around you and you need them to tell you about how much they love you and care for you. We all needs to know that we are loved. You don’t need many people, but at least one, is enough. For someone who was “abandoned” by his family, finding someone who wants to be by your side is changing everything. Especially, as Wang wants to live with Tian on the dorm, just the two of them. Wang is offering Tian, a home. Tian won’t have to wander anymore, ready to leave at any point, with his suitcase. He will have the chance to finally unpack all his belonging somewhere. What is a home? They are several answers. It can be a place where you live or it can be a broader definition of “family”. Home can become the place for forging and nourishing human attachment bonds. You can get it a sense of belonging. By offering Tian the opportunity to share a dorm with him, Wang is in fact offering him to be part of his “family”. “Family” can refer to people who live together by choice and are not related by blood bonds.

I can’t wait to see if they finally convinced their parents about this idea and if Tian is finally getting rid of that damn suitcase. Tomorrow won’t come fast enough to get the answer.

[t1bb1zoey]

Okay, I've had time to process and internalize the TianShan kiss (A KISS OMFG!!!!!!).

I have many thoughts about this chapter in general, so before the TianShan stuff ...

First half of Chapter Thoughts:

So when the chapter begins, we have the aftermath of the fight. I do not care where they have dragged She Li off to, and I also do not care (for now) how He Cheng is going to acertain that She Li is no longer an issue to Jian Yi (and by extension, Mo) again. Like, how has She Li been totally defeated? What threats will be made to keep him away? They still go to the same school afterall, and She Li is a psychopath. It was always my understanding that She Li was sort of a low ranking underling to someone somewhere higher up on the mafia food chain. He comes from a rich household like He Tian, so I assumed his family had ties to the mafia too somehow. But He Cheng reassures Mr. Jian that it was just kids fighting and nothing to do with "the other side".

WHO IS THE OTHER SIDE THEN? Folks, we've got a bigger enemy coming up in the story or something. If there are people from the other side looking to harm Jian Yi or He Tian, and He Cheng considers She Li to be just "kid stuff", imagine how bad this new enemy will be. I guess the She Li scare is going to mean that Jian Yi has to go away now for his own safety and so he can learn how to defend himself properly. This has proven that Jian Yi is not as capable as He Tian is when push comes to shove. He Tian can hold his own for a bit against even multiple adults, but poor Jian Yi didn't stand a chance.

Mrs. Jian thanks Zhan for always looking after Jian Yi, and it is a sweet moment, but I can't help but feel like this is her way of saying "thanks for everything, but he doesn't concern you anymore. Time for him to come home." Zhan is going to be devastated. They've been together since they were kids. I wonder if he joins the police force so he can better protect Jian Yi from his enemies? I wonder if Zhan being an officer will effect their relationship in the future, since Jian Yi is pretty much set to inherit the mafia kingdom. There's gonna be tension on what's right and wrong, I'm sure. I don't know if Zhan can accept darkness the way Mo can. Mo's life hasn't been kind, and he blames himself for the death of a man, so of course he can accept He Tian. But of Jian Yi returns to Zhan as a darker version of himself, I don't know how Zhan would handle the change. We all love Jian Yi because he is honorable and wishes to protect his loved ones no matter what. What if that will to protect becomes less honorable? What if Jian Yi is taught the same lesson He Tian is: that you have to give into the darkness if you are truly going to protect anyone. Jian Yi tried talking to She Li at first before he was beaten. He hasn't fallen into the darkness yet, but under Qiu and his father's tutelage, that could change. Being away from Zhan may change him too, since Zhan has always encouraged him to be soft around him, as we saw in this chapter. Jian Yi doesn't have to be a "tough man" around Zhan. I guess we'll see.

And speaking of falling into darkness ...

The TianShan Stuff:

Again, we see Mo and He Tian after the fight. Mo's just standing there watching He Tian get patched up and have pain killers injected into him because he's had his hand stabbed through and because he was punching the ever loving shit out of She Li. His hands must be pretty fucked up, and no doubt Mo is feeling MANY THINGS watching He Tian get bandaged.

Mo asking him where he's going after this was so touching to me. It's like he was anxious He Tian was going to run off again. Mo two chapters ago was running around like crazy trying to find him. They've been nearly inseparable ever since Mo was jumped by She Li, so I think He Tian suddenly being gone is a disturbing thought to Mo. Also, I think it's important to Mo that He Tian be taken care of at this moment.

I've seen a lot of people saying He Tian is so depressed this chapter because he knows he has to leave Mo soon, but I think it's so much more than that, if you can believe it. He Tian has basically given up his soul in that last chapter. He's admitted, by turning to his family for help, that he can't be independent the way he was dreaming he could be a few chapters ago.

In the hotel room while spooning Mo, he told him "I'm going to find a way to give you a good life." He had wanted to do that on his own, and even asked Mo what he could do to earn money. He Tian was dreaming that he was OUT. He could be with Mo and live an honest life. It didn't matter if he was rich or not. He has Mo, and that's all he'll ever need. But that's not the reality of his situation. In the hospital, He Tian told Mo he was wrong to think he could protect anyone with his own bare hands. Without his family's influence, money, and resources, He Tian cannot protect Mo from the cruelty of their world. Bad things happen to Mo all the time because he is a genuinely good person. He is a magnet that draws bad people because of how good he is, and He Tian knows he can't protect Mo properly from all these evils if he doesn't have any influence or power. Without the fear his family uses to intimidate their enemies, how would She Li ever leave Mo alone? Or the "other side", who probably framed Mo's dad for some heinous crime. Mo and his family will always be preyed upon unless they have someone big and mean to keep the evil at bay. He Tian has realized he has to give into the darkness, the thing he is terrified of, if he is to keep Mo safe. The darkness isn't just literal dark, but the actual mindset and actions he knows he has to partake in if he is going to make any improvements on Mo's life. The darkness in his room or in his nightmares reminds him of this oppressive feeling, of the look in his brother's eyes when he has just done something dark.

So He Tian isn't just dealing with being taken away from Mo and his two best friends, the only people he lights up around or is even remotely real with (he pretends to be something else to teachers and to other students), but he's also dealing with the fact that he has sold his soul to his father in order to protect Mo. Not to mention he's hurt and he's exhausted. He just lived through a crazy night where he ran back and forth from the hospital, once with Jian Yi on his back, and then fought a bunch of dudes. And he's just so tired and so sad, but HE'S TRYING TO KEEP IT TOGETHER. He keeps smiling at Mo, and when he catches Mo looking at him in concern he's quick to reassure Mo that the soup is delicious and he's a-okay

and that just fucking BREAKS Mo.

He Tian has been very strong for Mo all this time, and I think Mo is just overwhelmed that He Tian fucking loves him this much, and then I think he has realized that he loves him too. I think they skipped over the "we're dating" business and cut straight to love. There is no other explanation for why Mo is just so suddenly compelled to grab He Tian and drag him to his room so he can have a moment of closeness and connection with him like they've never had before. Some people are saying this is their first official kiss, which confuses me because I thought they kissed after Mo was beaten up? But either way, He Tian initiated that one. This one was ALL MO, and you could just really feel that he wanted to express his love for He Tian there. He wanted He Tian to know that whatever was running through his head, they can deal with it together and Mo's going to be there for him the way He Tian was always there for Mo. And I think he did just want to kiss the hell out of He Tian, because OF COURSE HE DOES, THAT BOY JUST WENT TO WAR FOR HIM, AND HE WON!!

I love how He Tian just waits and lets Mo do whatever he feels comfortable doing, and even though Mo is afraid and shaking because THERE'S NO GOING BACK NOW, YOU'RE GAY, MY MAN, he goes for it, because he just won't deny his feelings anymore, or He Tian's for that matter. It's all out in the open now. They've like, beared their souls to each other. It's crazy how madly in love they keep falling. In comparison to ZhanYi, which is a crazy slow burn but a profound sort of love grounded in friendship, TianShan is just 100% passion. It's just as profound a love, but look at where they've come in a short amount of time (in the world of the manuha, anyway!). In story, it's been what since they first met, a few months? And they've just done so much more physically than ZhanYi has. Maybe even emotionally, because these two are just all feelings all the time. They even have had arguments that were explosive. Their love is just so different and just turned up to 100 all the damn time, and I love it so much.

Mo explicitly showing He Tian he's going to be there for him and he loves him back is so heartbreaking when you remember he doesn't really know for certain He Tian is leaving yet. He thinks they're going to deal with He Tian's trauma from this together, but he still doesn't understand just how much He Tian has sacrificed to make sure Mo is protected. It's devastating that the moment Mo opens up fully, He Tian is going to be wrenched away.

I'm depressed just thinking of it. Ughhhh.

Anyway, those are my thoughts. I'm never going to recover from that kiss, and that was in fact A DANG KISS, AND EVERYONE KNOWS IT! FUCK CENSORSHIP.

[divorcingjimmatthews]

That'd be so hilarious if it was a simulation made by Jade given that he's the one that wants to get out of there the most LOL. The Victor one could actually be really interesting, dammit, it's actually a twist I could get behind if it was well executed.

Imagine Jade waking up to Tobey being there like "hey so what did you think?" and Jade is like "what the fuck is wrong with you" 😂

Tillie IS honestly suspicious, she was given a bit of setup and then no more screentime all of a sudden 🤔 I think most of us are brushing it off because we've seen other shows forget about characters just like, accidentally LMAO. But this show is very careful with following through with what they start so I think we'll definitely see her again before the end of the season.

OH SO IT'S BECAUSE OF SQUID GAME? Thank you so much for bringing it up I couldn't possibly understand why so many people suspected Tian Chen lmaooo! It could actually make sense I guess but my heart would be torn to pieces so I really hope it's not the case.

I have the theory that Donna knows some important stuff that she's not sharing. Not out of being a mole or having bad intentions, just because she thinks it will put everyone in danger. It's what we've seen her do with the info that the others have learned so I'm just assuming she also learned stuff from other people that were there before and that we didn't get to meet. Fatima said that many had gone crazy trying to figure out the meaning of all these things and she's only been there for one year... so I think there must be some stuff only Donna knows.

Randall hmmm I just got the hilarious thought of the experiment overseers thinking "this is too boring" and one of them just calling his problematic son and telling him to get in there and wreck havoc 😂

I have an extra one for the "not knowing it" bunch: Tabitha! She hit her head in the accident and the plot seems to be shaping up around having to save some children which resonates thematically with her own backstory of guilt over failing to protect her child more than with anyone else's. So maybe it's a dream or some psychic situation that she somehow caused after the accident. (I don't think so, but it's fun to make wild guesses 🤭)

If this whole thing is a simulation/experiment/just not real, here are my suspects on who the mastermind/mole could be:

People who could be the mastermind but don’t know it:

Victor: Victor went through a tragic event and to cope, he lives in his head. This whole town is in Victor’s head. Real life people are trapped in his head (I don’t know how, they just are). Everything he draws are memories that are both from his past AND future. He makes things happen through his drawings.

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