#we love a pathetic god with duality

[that1notetaker]

Tonight's stream Narilamb dump. Join me next time and go crazy in the chat section please. These two will drive me insane.

[kirango-rouge]

Angsty thoughts about my wife now that i've well played the dlc

it makes me more emotional now when Varré says how Luminary Mohg has strenght, vision and love.

If Mohg was indeed truly capable of love once, Varré never got to know it and died unaware of his lord's previous life, by the hand of his lambkin, and still thinking that the Luminary Mohg that tortured him was the "true" Luminary Mohg.

It adds another level of pathetic to Varré's character and i want to kick him on the ground and marry him under the erdtree and make him my dear little wife 😂😭😔💕

Because now with the dlc it feels like Mohg used to be truly capable of love.

I miss a little the unapologetical tyrant who inflicts upon others his trauma, either knowingly, either because it's the only life he's ever knew, but even the bewitching doesn't erase entirely this aspect of his character.

(I love Ansbach, he's my goated man who has my back, but i feel like his character and dialogues were build this unilaterally and undoubtedly wholesome only to drill once and for all in the player's head (especially the westerners) that "Mohg wasn't the monster we thought he was all along". Except he was. Or at least he became to this extent after the bewitching.)

It makes me think that there was a time when Mohg was indeed a leader of an underground faith at leyndell where he converted nobles and preached with Esgar and had his own personnal guard of these "pureblood knights", but after the bewitching, Ansbach switched allegiance and Mohg left the capital for the mohgwyn dynasty grounds where he started his squat with the bloody fingers and knights of blood.

His behaviour probably completely switched at this time and that's surely when the abduction of the white masks happened.

Because if the abduction happened before, Mohg couldn't have been this noble figure that Ansbach's character wants us to ultimately think, unless retcon. Because what sort of kind figure abducts people, corrupt them with blood, and leave with a traumatic dependance syndrom the only survivor of the ordeal. It doesn't make sense. Unless Ansbach is delusionnal about his master's true nature like Varré is in the base game. But if that's the case, who from the two is right and who is delusionnal???

If the abduction happened after he left leyndell with the cocoon, the cruel aspect can still be kept, in which case it adds another level of tragedy to Varré's fate.

That there was indeed once a time when Luminary Mohg was indeed capable of love and vision and strenght, during Ansbach, and probably Esgar's time, and Varré never got to know it. Varré only knew Mohg when he tortured him and his group and eventually associated it with a loving act to cope with the traumatic experiment he went through. For his sufferings to mean something greater and not just be for a selfish purpose.

Varré lived and died in this dynasty thinking he knew the true Luminary Mohg, but the torture of his group was all for vain ends. Miserable and sad. "pathethic sort ahead, but lover…" And Ansbach fought in the dlc probably without knowing all the atrocities Mohg commited when he was away with a new god.

A duality of two characters: Ansbach whose motive to help us beating miquella is mainly to atone for his personnal guilt of abandonning his former loyalty while making us feel like "we do this to be a lord for men" even though we can be just like radahn2.0 with ranni, or four versions of lord of marika, or frenzy lord.

And Varré whose loyalty was initally forced upon him through foul methods and genuinly sought to find himself a true lover in the tarnished protagonist wile actively working for a new dynasty and age that doesn't follow the two fingers, even though he was doomed to fail by the narrative.

[spicyvampire]

2022 : a summary

Post your favorite or most popular edit from each month this year (it’s okay to skip months!)  

Tagged by @talays-portkey Thanks for the Tag!

January

Most Popular : [x] the Yok liking Dan in a very normal way

Favorite : [x] Yok skills gifset really was the start of an era, loved that insane guy and he was funny af, first time I was starting to make huge gifsets with little captions on them I think? ; [x] Y’all remember the raccoon meme? Man, I forgot I made that for Bad and Crazy but it was fun, and different from anything I’ve ever made because I tried to make it look like posters and yeah I like that

February

Most Popular : [x] Yok defending Dan in front of Sean, tbf this came out during a heartbreacking episode people needed a laugh

Favorite : [x] y’all remember Sean vs Yok who is the fastest gay alive? these guys were insane, also this inspired Vegas vs Kinn later that same year ; [x] Yok + Greek words for love, the amount of love I have in my heart for that boy isn’t even half the one he has in his for like everyone, he is just SO full of love

March

Most Popular : [x] Yok edition of who is the fastest gay alive, that bad boy took so long to make ugh glad people liked it

Favorite : [x] my danyok goodbye gifset using stucky quote ajgdhashdfgsh the purple looks great on computer ; [x] Live slug MoD reaction, it was just fun to do something MoD again

April

Most Popular : [x] Porsche not connecting the dots on Kinn homosexual activity, I just learned how to animate a gif and boy did I want to have fun with that

Apparently I gifed like almost nothing in april, it was exam period afterall

May

Most Popular : [x] Vegas vs Kinn, trying to find neon looking fonts and neon looking overlays was a pain in the ass but it was worth it, I hope I do that type of gifset vibes again soon  it was fun to make

Favorite : now it is very hard to chose my fave gifset there because it was the month I was doing Not Me Appreciation and I really like that I should probably try to do again but I really think those are my top 2 so here [x] Yok; [x] DanYok sunshine & Rain

June

Most Popular : [x] Pete’s BDSM duality, which is very surprising cuz I thought it was gonna be the [x] Family Braincells gifset seeing that people even requested that for the bodyguards afterwards but oh well

Favorite : [x] Vegas Hidding out Magazine which weirdly is one of my less popular KP gifset but I love it so much “pathetic is the new chic” like come on I literally peaked there, if I ever make shirts out of the one liners this one is gonna be the first one at for sure; [x] TanBunn relationship developements finally went back to my MoD roots for pride month MaxTul if you reading this pls come back 😔

July

Most Popular : [x] Porsche fear of ghosts, we love a little scared cat

Favorite : [x] KP goodbye gifset, truly the end of an era, I’m forever changed

August

Most Popular : [x] Shadowhunters edits that reminds me I have not gifed SH in months

Again I did nothing really that month

September

Most Popular : surprisingly the most popular gifset isn’t a KP one, it’s [x]  akkayan hoodie, 2nd is [x] PorschePete bitches stage tho so eh

Favorite :  so end of september & start of october was kpweek and boy did I come  there ready cuz I spend the entire month before doing like nothing and I  had all these pent up ideas,  I have so many favorites really I had fun with KPweek [x] Kinn [x] Pete [x] KinnPorsche

October

Most Popular : [x] Main and Minor family (minus the parents), that was one long boi wasn’t it

Favorite : [x] Ayan + Debbie’s monologue what can I say I just love the addams family and I rewatch the movies almost every year so I know a lot of these lines by heart; [x] KP Halloween cuz I forgot to put the side story in my Porsche fear of ghost gifset so Halloween gave me a reason to dedicate a gifset to it

November

Most Popular : [x] Cherry Magic, god the way I ran when it dropped on youtube oof

Favorite : [x] MoD 2 years anniversary gifset, cannot believe it’s been 2 years MaxTul WHERE are you 😭😔💔

December

Most Popular : [x] SamMon right in front of everyone salad

Favorite : December is exam month and this time I really tried to gif almost nothing till like the very end but shoot out to [x] Bodyguards braincells gifset

I think I did one of for 2021 too and it was fun going back through the stuff I did, a bunch of these I literally forgot I made last year so that’s why I wrote so much for a lot of them

Tagging (if you want to no pressure & also idk who has done this already sorry) : @luna-lina @winteams @kinnsporsche @thelaziestmotherfucker @fangrui @guzhu-furen @laowen @sunsetandthemoon @pavel-chekovs @liyazaki

[bookiedoodles]

Kikimora’s voice actress is so good and I can’t believe it took me this long to realize

I literally have zero idea how to explain why I love her voice so much, but the moment in COTH where she’s talking to Luz? “Oh that’s right, the emperor has eyes everywhere! And they’re ALL pointed at The Owl Lady!” along with her little giggle turned into a laugh... sent shivers down my spine. How she’s able to make this little gremlin sound so terrifying is astounding.

[hiraya-sa-dilim]

as someone generally unfamiliar with the franchise, some character writing stuff i liked in the batman (2022)

the rorscach fucking journal montage. all monologs are corny by nature but as the movie progresses, you see bruce's match him well, introduces him accurately instead of exagerating his character or misleading the audience just for a sense of drama as journal-writing scenes often do

selina on the phone call with annika and how she comforts her coming home. i can't tell if she was romantic with her but whatever the answer is it's clear selina loves her Immensely

when bruce looks away from the binoculars because selina was getting dressed. he looks pissed that he might be missing out on information, but he keeps his eyes away

selina being scared of batman during their first encounter. she fights with all she's got and when she fails, she doesn't try to bluff or distract him with seduction, she makes a defensive excuse and backs away with her shoulders up

selina less than a minute later pawing at his arm for the passport

bruce realizing he doesn't know what to say at some point and resorting to "you have a lot of cats." fucking pathetic and we love him for that.

bruce replaying the part of the recording where selina gets upset with him. man's Obsessed over how sorry he is that that went bad and is probably thinking up ways he could've changed things

bruce all prickly when alfred teases him for it

bruce "i don't want your cufflinks, alfred" wayne already having his hand out for said cufflinks. say he's not your dad all you like, but you're definitely his son

when martinez cheerfully greets bruce at the funeral with a "mr. wayne, owo!!" and you can See bruce judge the man for calling him a clown just a few nights prior for a split second

that scene in the police precinct where batman's losing his shit surrounded by a swarm of cops, God. he's the fucking batman and he's taller and stronger than everyone on there, he's mostly bulletproof too, but they surround him and they're the fucking police and it's fucking Scary for him and the audience

when batman stops at the precipice of the building with a scream and theres a close up of his face all "jesus FUCK i don't wanna die. this scares me and i don't wanna die." and when he crash lands he's Loud about it, expressive with his pain. and then he Limps away from the scene. this entire sequence would have been unnecessary if he handled it as batman all cool and smooth and hero-like, but bruce's vulnerability shining through the mask over base physical pain is a great way to show character

i want gordon to level up from going jeez, man to shit, dog every other sentence he says to the fucking batman himself in the next movies. man's not afraid of this costumed freak and the way he talks to him not just expresses that but makes way for comedy and chemistry, two birds in one. good of the scriptwriters for taking that shot

batman not at all reacting defensively to penguin telling him upfront that he's got it wrong and just immediately getting on with the case with the new information he has. he made a not exactly plot-pertinent mistake any high schooler would have made--an impossibility for protagonists in run of the mill superhero films--and then acknowledges it in the least macho i'm-better-than-you way. he was embarassed by it, but doesn't use violence or agression to cover up or silence the penguin

and Then batman and gordon wordlessly leaving the penguin to waddle. professional to downright petty in under five minutes. That's fucking funny, That's a great way to show duality

selina looking close to tears as she tells batman the truth, and not to emotionally disarm him. again unbecoming on a supposed femme fatale, but very real on a girl who's had to deal with injustice her whole life

selina just Loving Annika. she becomes intwined in batman's story, she did everything she did throughout the movie Because Her Friend/Lover Was Hurt and later on Had To Be Found And Rescued. she didn't need to recite that spiel about caring for people less important than police deputies and crime lords, and straight white men. the moment she sneaks out to steal annika's passport back, selina is already the most human out of everyone in the movie

batman's reaction to selina saying the riddler might have been doing the right thing. seeing unsureness under the mask and all that eyeliner is unnerving, because at this point in the film, they've already established that the batman and bruce are Supposed to be two different people

bruce attacking alfred with accusations the second the man wakes up. like let him at least maybe have a bite to eat first my dude, man's nearly fucking died. but that shows you how angry bruce is even though sorrow had been the most obvious emotion you see on him a few minutes before

"that's a you thing." gordon's not afraid of batman when everybody else is, and having him defy expectation so bluntly (and bruce very briefly looking disgruntled) makes their exchanges hilarious

the scratch marks on the man on the roof's face (forgot his name). aesthetic as hell chef's kiss, but it's not the most damage selina could have done. she could have pierced his eyeballs or ripped his ears out instead, but he has scratches over the cheek and one eye. these are hurried marks you can make without thinking. she found him and instead of strategically doing him dirty for her needs, inflicts whatever pain she could give in the fastest time possible. see how mad she is over annika's death?

when bruce not yet in costume knocks on the door to the club and then just. sneaks in and locks the door behind him. no need for superhero skills for that one. it's something second-graders do for fun. on him, with everything you know about his skills and shenaniganerry long since in place, it's pretty fucking Funny

"do you know how hard you're making this for me? my own flesh and blood?" that is a serial rapist/abuser's line right there--YOU are giving ME a bad time here, How Dare You--and hearing falcone say that in this context (strangling his own daughter lol) really screams EVIL in the audience's face. subtle with how few words he needs and simple line delivery, yet on the nose. fucking disgusting and effective

some dude: "sir, he shouldn't be here, this is a crime scene." batman: "*looks at his security police officer to say i will throw a fucking tantrum if you kick me out and it's gonna be so embarassing you mark my words*" gordon: "he has fucking gloves"

batman--or maybe bruce--closing the door to the batcage again after taking the envelope. if he wanted, he couldve picked the bat up and freed it out the window. it's not immediately obvious evidence and even if it was, the batman can do whatever the fuck he likes. but he closes the door on the trapped thing. this is his professional, don't-get-attached, stay-emotionally-neutral code shining through no matter the circustance and also reflects how he has willingly trapped himself inside the notion of what he should be (vengance etc). neat!

i just. love the riddler's asthma. a natural and constant tool to show you how vulnerable he is even with all the murder going on. a bit on the nose all things considered but paul dano does it so well

batman's expression hardly changing but his body language spitting how RELIEVED he is at riddler saying "we" after the whole bruce wayne rant. hella in character, huge props to rpatz for all that Subtlety

riddler's "we're not so different with our shared mask kink, you and i" making batman freak the fuck out because holy shit, i don't wanna be this guy anymore. and again, you hardly see it, it's all in the eyes, not in the face

martinez, the most vocal among the cops over his disapproval of batman being there, half-heartedly shooing the man away from the evidence. the mumbled small talk. the Disgruntledness. alone in a room with some weirdo in a cape, he's Small and kinda Scared without his mates to back him up just in case he pokes the bear to waking. sweet and funny as hell

bella real going up to the front to calm the arena down. i think what she said about making a stand could be a little less direct, like instead of saying "the problem with This City" In Particular, she couldve went for a more general quip (maybe something along the lines of "i'm the mayor, aren't i?" or "hiding isn't what they elected me for" or some other cheesy but less This is gotham so decent response to crisis is more extraordinary than if this happened anywhere else as if a city-wide flood like this couldn't easily be an irl situation that forces leaders into cowardice or courage). but anyways, when she returns alone to the mic, you can't help but wish all politicians were like that.

actually, scratch that. this scene would work best if she just glares at gordon then goes off.

i also like how nobody stops to listen to her. for all her human spirit, no good intention is going to make a dent on instinctive fear and panic too far gone

the "Real Change" display thing blacking out screen by screen as batman fights with "vengeance" on top of it--battles it out with himself. ouGHFF

bruce panicking over how he almost died and selina sympathetically crying as she comforts him. look at all his fear! look at all her empathy and love! nothing to see here folks, just two dudes being human. 10/10

bruce's aa what the fuck not again let me rest for 20 fucking seconds look when selina gets pulled away just before he goes into where the fuck are my drugs, it's batman time mode. he's so tired of fighting and being relied on, so tired of being batman, but he pushes on because he cares for selina + believes being bruce isn't going to save anyone

gordon not even fucking touching batman to get him to stop beating some poor fuck to death. he just goes "hey, asshole!" or something like that and bruce resurfaces because it's safe to be himself around gordon. gordon won't let him get hurt even when he's not being batman. gordon is his friend.

everyone frightened of batman in the dark and the flood, and the orphan boy reaching for his hand first, because he's a dumb kid who doesn't kow any better. the mayor seeing how the kid is not immediately mauled or anything and saying fuck it, i can trust my people with this guy; they will follow my lead, and i will follow him. again, human fear is the primary factor in this scene, which makes everyone's decision to trust the batman so big and important

someone already said it, but this movie ends with batman in the mud among the people, not alone and looking down on them. he's still a head taller than them and goofy in the cape, he's still different, but he walks level with them on equal footing in more ways than one. powerful visual storytelling

bruce looking overwhelemed coming into physical contact with another human longer than it usually takes for him to hit someone. this injured girl trusting him is almost too much, but he pushes himself to hold her long enough so she gets comforted and assured enough to let go. it's difficult, obviously. and he goes through with it

when bruce stops to look up at the kid disappearing in the distance instead of doing the practical thing and move on to assisting the next rescuee. he has always cared for gotham but never actually let it into his heart--the exact same way he used to see himself and his associates. now all that's about to change. the sun rises on another bleak but nevertheless new day

the almost kiss between bruce and selina. 🥺🥺 he's begging please enable me to be weak and myself and not alone. now that he knows being bruce just might be his biggest asset to being batman, he allows himself to acknowledge that he Is a stray and maybe acting on that instead of denying it would be good for him. i still think this is more of an act of selfishness than strategy, though, which is such a healthy step in character development...

...and yet selina pulls away. we see that so far the greatest trait she has in all of this isn't her capacity for love, it's her decision to act on that love. for annika and her mother, initially, and now for batman (and maybe without knowing it, bruce). but now we see that maybe she hadn't been as fully in control of her choices after all. maybe instead all that love had been intinct, a pull she couldn't help but heed. and she knows letting someone she has grown to care for closer is going to stop her from getting on with her life finally out of the city that caused her so much pain. she emotionally cannot kiss bruce (and then say) goodbye. she doesn't even trust herself to speak when he asks her to take care of herself. so she nips what would have been a new beginning for them, and the further extension of her hurting, in the bud before she gets swept up in the current of her heart

not only do we see this whole new aspect to her character in her final scene, selina treats us to another by making her first selfish decision--acting for herself instead of for a loved one. that's how you make a well-rounded character: by giving them, even when their story ends, fertile potential for more.

AND overall, this selina kyle is such a wonderful subversion of the woman-sidekick-in-love trope. she is earnest, she drives the plot forward because of how much she cares, but all this goes out to her friend/lover and mother, not the hero. and when there is finally a chance to redirect that love to the one "s u p p o s e d" to have it, she steps away.

the little motorcycle race bruce and selina have when they could have both just kept pace instead of one-upping each other. completely unnecessary but it's one last show of friendliness between them. i could imagine them both grinning inside their helmets.

how they both pause at the crossroads to look at each other one last time. 🥺🥺🥺🥺

this has been a mostly closed reading from someone who's only exposure to batman was the first two christian bale movies and the ocassional mutual's post. couldn't tell if i would have enjoyed this movie more or less if i knew more about the franchise

overall, the writing in this movie isn't perfect, but i appreciate how the protagonists aren't paragons like in typical superhero movies. the batman (2022) makes a good study for character depictions of humanity and heroism and it's definitely an example i'll follow for my writing.

[elviehun]

So.

The Old Witch Sleep.

(TRIGGER WARNING: depression, self-hate, mention of potential self-harm maybe, mental issues galore.)

I don't music, and these are only MY ideas of the song's message, Im not pretending they're the artists' opinion or anything.

So it.Just... SLAPS both my faces so hard. It has this "thing enclosed in another thing" structure. And as it turns out, I'm at the incredibly fortunate place of a transition from a high to a low right AFTER the dizzyingly swift transition from a low to a high and that's fucking awesome because I've been my own sick experiment this time!!! Yay! So my point is that NOW I know why this was the one that crushed my chest the hardest from the first listen! It's because its like the god Janus all in itself. (like most bipolar people I know, that's a pattern I tend to see into every possible thing lol, bear with me)

What I mean is there's everything in it! Both sides! All the paralyzing shackles and figurative self punches and overflowing cups of searching-for-meaning and the pathetic play of pretend and the SPINNING, all that spinning around. Even without looking at the lyrics, just the pacing would be enough. That 'there's no in between' duality: of the resigned-slash-desperate navel gazing of the first half AND the holding-back-naught release of Joey's booming voice in the second. The contemplatively plucked single fucking guitar. Those goddamn shamanic gut-shaking delirious motherfucking DRUMS. The fact that the only transition from one to the other is practically like, one breath? Let me just laugh the ugliest bitter old hag cackles of 'that, children, is exactly how it is'.

Also, sleep/oblivion (my beloved) as a witch, who COULD have uncanny powers ONLY IF we believed in them, ahhaha, how fucking perfect is that, Joey, my love?! Alas, here she's just a powerless, pleading, vaguely motherlike whisper trying to comfort (talking about the millions who know how to play - telling me they're just shadows, they can't stay etc., i interpret this as if the Witch was trying to convince us that the 'normal' people aren't better at this life-thing either, they're just better at ignoring it) but not really succeeding.

Then "you are in the earth of me". The gentle slap in the face. At first I thought that's a bitter resignation to the fact that the storyteller can't get rid of their demons, but on second thought it feels closer to the main theme of the song, which is "I'm not trapped with you, you see, you're the one who's trapped with me". To which I'll get back to in a minute, right after I've bowed a head to the Good Man Grace, who, as a last resort, bless him, tries to yank us back from the edge admitting that yes, we're beaten and broken, but that doesn't mean we're weak. He wants us to fight. Or at least die honourably, trying. He believes in us, but sadly the feeling is not mutual YET. It's a process, and we're not there yet. First another -how brilliant is that!!!- shard full of glass, another kick in the ass from the normies. THAT might be the step we need to do what follows.

So back to where we grin the bittersweet "I'm not trapped with you, you see, you're the one who's trapped with me". As in, okay, I guess I'm fucked for life, but I'm at least bringing the Thing down with me too. I can't get away but I'm not alone with that. We're one. It wouldn't even exist if not for me! Imma take this fucker for a waltz, and we'll see who can squeeze the other's neck tighter. Who can spin faster. Who's gonna make the other puke on the floor first. And while it forces me to look at the most disgusting, weak, wretched images of myself in the mirror, I'm also making it watch me. Look at me. Don't you think I look pretty. Don't you think you look pretty.

And then, then we see the scattered pieces that don't fit. Because, yes, after falling apart and standing back up, those pieces, at least some of them, stay where they clattered down on the bathroom tiles. And honestly, fuck the lot of them. We're better without. I'm better without. Stronger. Intimidating even, because I've been there and back several times. I've been weak, but I've learned from it AGAIN ("I see wit"). Yay. Now I'm leading. And if we go down again, I'll clamber back up again and again. I won't shy away from living it through again. I'll take my fucking time.

"That, children, is exactly how it is" cackles yet again.

This is what I see. It's pretty darn scary to think this is more or less my whole life, but also fucking empowering.

How the hell is he doing this.

[lavishedinjimin]

if kinky hours are still open, what about hard dom!jk with a big dick fucking y/n while in subspace + humiliation + aftercare cause that shit's important. maybe that's a bit too specific...oops

warnings: degrading names (bitch, slut, whore, aka the trinity™)

requests are currently closed.

"that's it slut, take that big dick," jungkook groans, watching your pussy stretch deliciously as it tries to take his thick girth. he grins devilishly from the way your face contorts almost in a state of pain, "what? can't take it?"

"I c-can," you whimper, hands scattering around the marble counter in hopes of finding an object to hold onto. you squeal when he abruptly pushes more of his cock, your body jolting upwards. "a-ahh, oh my god."

"ohhh I see. you wanna be a big girl and take all of my dick?" he says in a deep, seductive tone. you buck your hips up in need, although he only pushes it back down with a growl.

"yes," you moan.

with that, jungkook doesn't hesitate to push all of his cock in your pussy, filling you up balls deep.

he was so big. filling your tummy up so good, his thick cock hitting all the right places as you feel your cunt ooze your sweet juices out to his balls.

he leans forward and groans, wrapping a hand around your throat as he starts fucking you aggressively. "that's my good slut," he chuckles, hearing his balls slap against you, "taking this huge dick like a whore."

"ohh, f-feels so g-good!" you squeal, arms wrapping around his torso as your nails dig down onto his skin. jungkook hisses at the sting, squeezing your throat harder.

"yeah? my little bitch likes it when I fuck her hard with my cock?"

his thrusts were getting faster and deeper, as impossible at it may sound, but he forgets all the control he had. "you like it when I fuck your brains out, huh?"

"oooh yes, r-right there!" his words were making you blush in red, turned on from the way he was talking to you. you love it — you love surrendering yourself to him, letting him do whatever he wants with your body, allowing him to use you to his own pleasure.

"can you feel my dick up in your precious tummy, baby?" he asks with a smirk, placing a hand down to your stomach, pressing firmly.

you don't even need to answer because he can feel it. he feels his cock slightly protruding against your stomach, your pussy to little to accommodate his cock.

the hand that was once wrapped around your neck moves up to your face as he forces three fingers inside your wet mouth.

your eyes roll back, choking as he went past your gag reflex.

"mhmm, dick too big to fit inside this little cunt. such a little baby ive got here."

"s-so big," you mumble around his digits, your saliva coating his fingers as you swirled your tongue around them.

you two were a hot, moaning mess. you looked up at him pathetically and jungkook's cock throbs at the sight of you all used, your face flushed. "wanna cum?"

you quickly reply, pussy clenching, "yes, p-please," you say through his fingers, batting your eyelashes.

his lips curve up in a smile, loving the way how cute you said that, "mmm, 'course you are. my little bitch can't get enough of my big cock."

jungkook's thrusts gets rougher, pounding right on your good spot before he sends you to a hard, body-shaking climax. your vision almost blacks out, seeing stars as your pussy squirts out your cum onto his dick. "there we go, baby. mhmm, cream my fucking cock – ah fuck."

you don't even have the energy to yell, to scream because of the staggering orgasm. he comes undone right after, shooting hot strings of cum, coating your walls. when he pulls out, he groans when he sees both of your mixed cum oozing out of your pussy, landing on the counter top.

"oh, baby," he sighs, grabbing a towel as he wets it on the sink. while you still cstched your breath, jungkook starts cleaning the two of you up gently and lovingly – completely opposite from the animal he was before.

"c'mere, my baby," he plants his hands on your armpits and lifts you up, carries you to the living room and rests you on the couch.

he hovers above you, his heart warming when you smile up at him, your cheeks still blushing.

"did you like it?" he asks, brushing your hair out of your face.

you giggle, biting your lip as you nod your head. he nuzzles his head on your neck, pressing gentle kisses all over your skin. "good. I love you baby girl."

oh, his duality. "I love you too, kook."

this ending is quite cliché lol but anyway :)

[seulgiology]

that’s my type | jeon jungkook

pairings: fwb!jungkook x fwb!female oc

words: 3k

genre: SMUT with an “i love you” at the end , uwu

warnings: cursing, praise, dirty talk, thigh fucking, pet names, choking, a widdle exhibition, a lil pussy spank, ass slapping, piercings, tattoos (are those warnings?? idk), oc loves to mess with kookie lol save him

a/n: GIF IS NOT MINE! sad yer. admin 1 is sadly alive. HERE’S A REQUESTED JUNGKOOK SMUT, I TRIED MY BEST PLZ ACCEPT MY OFFERING TO YOU @itboykook . Also, i just randomly put two names together, so if by any chance that it relates to an actual idol IM SORRY. anygays, being a student is hard and online school is a lot :))), sorry for my inactivity.

disclaimer: This is a work of fiction from our imagination. It is not intended that the plot, theme, original characters, idols, etc. portray any real-life events/people. Plagiarism is NOT tolerated on this blog. If you believe we have copied an existing authors’ work, please message us privately. thank you and enjoy :)

--

Mid July - 12:03 p.m.

Jungkook fit right in with the rest of you, his quiet, odd, yet lovable personality was enticing and it didn’t fall short from the other 6 guys. 

He was the newest and the youngest out of your friend group, only a junior in college. His adorable teeth whenever he smiled that contrasted with his toned body was so attractive and he knew it too. He nearly rivaled Jimin when it came to visual duality.

You all were on one of the campus’ fields, enjoying a rare afternoon of no classes on your spread blanket. You and Hoseok were trying to play a makeshift game of basketball in the field with a random volley ball lying around and your jacket in a circle as the “hoop.” 

You were both dying of laughter from your failed attempts at playing defense and rolling in the grass like a couple of kids on a sugar rush.

Jungkook was next to Taehyung listening to brief him on everything about you, from your flat feet to your unconventional love for Tom Holland. He was sitting comfortably on the blanket, hands resting behind his back as he watched you and... What was his name? Hobi?  He’ll remember later. 

He couldn’t see you too clearly but he knew you were having fun after hearing your bubbly laughter from the distance. You didn’t seem to be coming over towards the others anytime soon so he thought he’d rest his head on Jimin’s plush lap and rest his eyes for a bit, letting the spring sun beat down on his face.

“Don’t you come over here with all that grass on you, Mae, you don’t know whose child was in there pissing.”

Jungkook’s eyes snapped open, and he hissed out at the suns rays blinding him. He lazily shifted towards the direction of the noise and heard Seokjin— Jin grumble to you two. 

You were in the middle of rubbing the loose grass off your jeans when you could feel someone’s stare on you.

Jungkook shamelessly drank in your figure, loving the way your ripped jeans hugged your thick thighs. He could only dream of burying his face in between them and leaving hickies. You were slightly bent over in front of him trying to wipe the dirt off of you, but he had a great view of your full and round ass trapped inside the denim.

Is this what it feels like to look at an angel? Jungkook didn't know what to believe anymore after being graced with your existence. Did he want to worship your body, make you laugh, hold your hand? Or something more? The blood rushed to his center the longer he kept his gaze on you and letting his thoughts take a sexual turn.

You didn’t catch him practically eye-fucking you, but when you looked up and around, you did see him blushing and hastily putting his bag on his lap.

He must be a shy guy. Yet his whole presence makes you want to shut up and be a good girl for him. He was only laying down with his arm propped up for support, and his short black hair was flowing in the wind, making him look goofy with such a concentrating look on his face.

He pretended to be searching in his bag for something as his heart raced when he saw your shadow coming towards him. He tasted the saliva pooling in his mouth at the sight of you towering over him, your nose and ear piercings glinting in the sunlight. 

“I’m Maerin, the only reasonable one here. You are?” You carefully reached your hand out for him to shake with a charming grin on your face, amazed that your friend group just continues to add more attractive men to your circle.

“Jungkook, the other reasonable one here.” You laughed at his statement and his adorable nose scrunched when he smiled with you. You took the vacant seat next to him, and his sight was glued to your physique on your descent, entranced by the minimalistic ink on your arm.

Could you get anymore perfect? Perfect face. Perfect ass. Perfect thighs. Perfect body. Perfect personality most likely. HIs mind raced with thoughts of only you as soon as he took your much smaller hand in his in a firm shake.

He was going to have you one way or another. And that’s a promise he kept. Sort of.

--

Early December - 11:46 a.m.

Those god-awful finals had just ended for you guys and it was time for winter break. It was decided that you all would put in money to go to a ski resort for the break, needing the stress reliever and rest.

And get rid of stress was exactly what you did.

“Fuck, you really don’t know what you do to me,” His hand tightened around your neck in the most pleasurable way, and you were hazy from the dream-like steam the shower was bringing.

He had you pinned against him, his arms held you tightly in place as he thrusted in between your thighs, only sliding his cock against your slick womanhood. You hated not being able to feel him inside you, but he was in heaven when he had you like this. 

Jungkook’s reasonably unreasonable obsession with your ass and thighs played a great part in your friends with benefit arrangement. 

“This is all mine, sweetness,” He grunted in your ear, and all you could do was gasp in response. His wet and wavy locks draped over your shoulder as he sped up his pace, leaving you devoid of any type of release as your thighs tightened around his cock sliding in between them. 

“Jungkook-” You whined to him, upset that he was using you to get himself off. He payed you no mind however, his thrusts speeding up as the unrhythmic slide of his cock in between your folds meant he was going to cum soon. 

"You wanna cum pretty girl? Wanna feel me stuff you so full you won’t remember anything but me?” He moaned in your ear at the thought, torturing himself as much as he was torturing you.

You let out a pathetic but audible yes that you knew had his dimple popping from the grin that adorned his face. You yelped when he manhandled you against the wall and pushed your back down so your ass was to his front. You turned around to see him desperately pumping himself in his hand and his lips slightly parted. The sight had your arousal trailing down your legs along with the water and you licked you lips at his hard cock in his hand.

He pumped his load on your cheeks that were spread for him and he watched it get rinsed away as quickly as it came with the water.

Your body was still on edge when you felt Jungkook rise you up and back hugged you so tenderly, you were ready to fall asleep in his arms at the safety they welcomed. He chuckled in your ear at your languid body and held you tighter. “If you fall asleep you won’t get your reward for being good for me,” his voice was so sweet and you. Why isn’t he your boyfriend again?

“Mmm, really?” You questioned him in a sultry tone, wanting to get him riled up again. You grinded your ass on his hardening manhood and you loved the way he grabbed a handful of it and rolled his hips on you.

“Jungkook, you in there?” You both froze in panic upon hearing Namjoon over the white noise. Jungkook’s finger tips stopped their descent down your stomach and lightly dug in. Shit, fuck, fuck fuck, shit- 

“Yea hyung, I’m in the shower, what’s up?” His voice was unusually shaky to the older man, but he brushed his overanalyzing to the side. “Have you seen Maerin? She said she was looking for you but she disappeared.”

Your heart pounded to the speed the water was hitting you. Namjoon wasn’t stupid, he’d probably figure you guys out, if he didnt already.

Jungkook frowned at you in confusion and you shrugged back at him, your face heating up at the excuse you told the others men to just come see your fuck buddy. 

“She told me to meet the rest of you in the lobby but I wanted to take a shower before leaving. Um... I think she went to get more food before they closed the breakfast buffet.” He lied smoothly, and you sighed in relief and let your grip on hi arm drop.

THUNK!

Namjoon jumped after hearing the load thump and an extremely familiar feminine squeak from the bathroom.

Wait.

Was that Maer—

“Sorry hyung, the soap fell on my foot when I tried reaching for it! I’ll be out soon, don’t wait for me.” He replied in a haste after turning the shower off and giving you a hard look. After hearing the room door close, your body chilled beyond return and your nipples hardened in anticipation.

“You think this is a game, huh?” He tilted your chin up with his cold finger tips and glared at your smirking face.

This was most definitely a game you wanted to play.

—

Late December - 1:30 p.m.

“Who brought the liquor, im trying to get wasted tonight.”

“Jimin, we’re watching Stranger Things.”

“Ok— so where’s the liquor...?”

You smile to yourself at hearing your friends’ conversation, they never fail to amuse you. You were in the kitchen, trying to get popcorn ready for all 8 of you to watch the supernatural show in Jungkook’s apartment.

You leaned on the counter in front of the microwave and listened to its humming as the bag of popcorn started to slowly inflate.

“The guys are here and you have your ass all out like this?” A silent groan left your lips and arousal pooled in between your legs when Jungkook grinded his hips into your ass and grabbed a handful of it.

Your friend group had no idea that you were fucking each other for about 2 months now. It felt wrong to be sexually attracted to each other, especially because you were friends. So you both didn’t want a bad reaction if you told the others.

“Jungkook, someone’s going to walk in—” But you ignored your own words and instead rubbed against him more. You were breathing softly but heavily when you let him cup your cunt through your leggings. He loved it when you wore leggings, it always left little to his imagination when he wanted to guffaw at your legs.

The microwave beeped loudly and it startled the young man behind you into jumping back in fright. Jungkook swallowed hard at hearing your snickering and in a haste, left the kitchen and into the noisy living room instead. He was hard under his sweats, and hated how uncomfortable he was because did it.

They were all seated and prepared to binge watch the latest season of the popular American show when you crept out with two large bowls of kettle corn popcorn.

After they graciously thanked you, you took the obvious seat next to Jungkook on the loveseat. The others expected this, they knew you two were closer than ever. He threw the fuzzy blanket over you both as you cuddled close to the arm chair and put your feet on the other side of his thighs.

Your knees were bent up because you couldn’t fully extend your legs, and it was the perfect position for him to touch you in. He turned to gaze at you under his dark and curly fringe and his earring dangle from the movement.

He discreetly leaned in and whispered, “I dare you to try something while they’re here. Watch what’s going to happen.” The eerie theme song of the show began and you knew for a fact you weren’t going to pay attention. 

You’ve seen the legendary show already. So instead you’d mess with the man directly in front of you.

So for eight long hours you you teased him under the blankets; Rubbing his length with your feet, edging him and never letting succumb to the unusual pleasure. It was exciting to see him sweat while all of your close friends were so close to you yet too engrossed in the T.V. set to notice.

Just as your group was piling out and saying their goodbyes, you suggested that you stay to help the maknae clean. it was late and everybody would be busy the next day but you. 

And Jungkook wasn’t going to let you go that easy.

--

9:54 p.m. [same night]

Your damp forehead was pressed into soft cushion and your hands clutching the closest pillow on the couch as you were hopelessly whimpering for more. 

Jungkook wasted no time in having you ass up, head down with his wet tongue abusing your cunt and giving you a taste of your own medicine.

“You really must think this shit is funny, baby” He said, basking in the taste of your arousal. You whined when he lightly slapped your clit, your hips involuntarily pushing back for more and he arrogantly chuckled at your neediness.

“I asked you a question and I expect you to answer it.” His voice was gruff when his hard and angry cock slapped against your swollen lips, the slickness of it making it an obscene noise.

“Only if you fuck me first.” You breathlessly said to him and wiggled your ass to draw him in even more. His hooded eyes caught the sight and he moistened his thin lips, loving they way your bottom moved.

You both sighed in relief when he finally pushed in, the initial sting always catching you by surprise, no matter how many times he’s done it. 

“Shit, you always take me so well Mae,” He pumps faster, his hips snapping into yours and you cry out from the intensity of it. Your clit throbbed from your fingers circling around it, and your moans were purely sinful. Jungkook loved seeing you like this.

Back arched and your pussy clenching around his length. The way your ass bounced against his hips whenever he thrusted into you. Fuck. His hand came down hard on your already stinging before grabbing them and drilling into you impossibly quicker than before. 

“Please don’t stop!” You cried out, living for the way his dick filled you so fucking full until you you were seeing white. “Look at you pretty girl. You’re such a brat and all I do is fuck you and give you what you want.” He grunted in your ear and kissed right below it, hearing the dangling sounds of your own earrings.

“Ohhh, Jungkook I’m so close,” He huffed before carefully flipped you over and fucked you with vigor, your toes curling and an amazing sensation rushing through you. “Come on sweetness, you’re almost there.” He placed your legs over his shoulder and gripped your delicious thighs so tight, this wouldn’t be the first time you’d see hand prints there tomorrow.

His forehead was pressed against yours as he watched his dick push in and out of your sopping cunt, your cries egging him on to spill inside of you without hesitation.

The feeling in your lower stomach was becoming uncomfortably persistent and with one final rare moan of your name his hips stuttered sloppily and he filled you with his seed to the brim. Your body spasmed around him and your mantra of his name didn’t even let up after you came. 

When you finally came down from your high, your eyes cleared to see the sweaty boy slumped against you, body spent from putting his all into this session.

He peppered kisses along your collarbones and softly massaged your chest as your eyes closed from his blessed hands working on your soft tissue.

He peeked up at you through those unruly locks of his and that boyish charm never failed you whenever he literally did anything. Don’t even get you started on his boxing practices, whew-

“So round two?” He quirked a playful eyebrow at you as his fingers lightly danced over your torso. You giggled when he reached around your waist and applied pressure, the soft skin felt like silk to him. 

“What do you expect an answer?” You giggled up at him, stars in your eyes. You sneakily reached and tickled under his arms, and he let out the most adorable laugh your ears could ever hear. You shushed your laughs with unsuccessful kisses that were even more laughs because of your failed attempts of keeping a straight face.

When he pulled away, his doe-eyes were stuck on your gorgeous face. The way he was looking at you wasn’t unfamiliar, you we’re just too stupid to play it off as the “post-fuck love stare.” But here you were now. Laughing in between his strong arms and pecking each others lips. 

We’ve been friends fucking like this for months and I’m just realizing this now?

“What if I told you that I loved you? How’d you answer to that..?” He trailed off towards the end, his spontaneous confidence wearing off by the millisecond from his impulsive words. 

You could combust with the overwhelming feeling of happiness and your chest felt lighter even with his body of muscle on you. You smiled so wide up at him, you could barely see his own face morph into the dimpled look you’ve grown to love since you first met him. But you still wanted to mess with him for 10 more seconds.

“I would say I love you with all my heart...” 

You think his just dropped to his stomach with the way his face turned ghastly pale and his eyebrows raised in worry. He was not expecting that after your reaction to him confessing his feeling towards you. Was this a joke? But you were smiling... mayb-

“But my ass is bigger.” Your laugh was contagious and he couldn’t even be mad at you cause he couldn’t agree more.

[jaskierswolf]

This was based on an idea by @amadcat570 which I have totally deleted. Basically, Ice-skating, monsters, hurt comfort, love-confessions. Around 1.6k. Geraskier feat Ciri.

Warnings: Canon-typical violence, drowning, angst, injury, but no death.

On AO3.

____________________

Jaskier was having the best time. He’d finally been invited to the elusive witcher’ keep in the Blue Mountains. Ciri, Geralt’s child surprise, had done wonders for his friend. Geralt was actually starting to open up to him. He’d spent decades of slowly chipping away at Geralt’s walls and worming his way into the witcher’s life, and the young princess had managed it in a matter of days. If Jaskier had doubted Destiny before then he certainly wouldn’t any longer. It had also been Ciri’s influence on Geralt that had forced the two estranged friends to reunite. Ciri had been devastated to learn that Geralt was no longer travelling with the famous bard, Jaskier, and practically begged Geralt to go and find him.

Jaskier had been in the middle of teaching a class when the door had flung open to reveal a very soggy Geralt of Rivia, dripping mud all over the floor. Ciri’s head had popped out from behind Geralt. Her long ashen hair had been hidden under a hat but Jaskier had recognised the emerald green eyes of Pavetta immediately. Jaskier had dismissed his class and the three of them had spent the next few hours awkwardly catching up in the classroom. Geralt’s apology had seemed genuine enough and Ciri was an utter delight so Jaskier agreed to join his ex-former friend once more.

Geralt was warmer with Ciri around and by the gods was that doing funny things to his heart. Geralt’s cruel words on the mountain had shattered the spell the witcher held over him. His puppy love crush on his best friend and melted away after weeks of sobbing every night in his rooms at Oxenfurt. Time apart had helped him to see his time with Geralt in a new light. The rose-tinted glasses faded away and his ballads became grittier and less like a fairytale, but now being around Geralt again he could see why he had loved him so irrevocably and for so long. There was a vulnerability in the witcher that he desperately tried to hide, a yearning for acceptance and love but the fear of being known. The duality of it tickled Jaskier’s curiosity and he so desperately wanted to know more, even after all these years of following Geralt.

He wanted to know Geralt’s warmth. He wanted that daft fond smile and fucking hell he wanted to love him, even after everything.

“Jaskier!” Ciri flew towards him in a blur. She’d been training with the witchers and it showed. She’d already been a fierce young princess before the training had commenced but she’d taken to the witchers’ workouts like a duck to water. Jaskier tried to balance it out with lessons in art and poetry but the princess would rather have a sword in hand than his lute. “Jaskier, Geralt is taking me to the frozen lake to go ice-skating! You have to come!”

Jaskier laughed and set aside the book he’d been reading. He tried to stay inside the warmth of the keep but he was a travelling bard, and his natural wanderlust was starting to itch under his skin. He hadn’t been ice-skating since he was child at Lettenhove. It would be fun. Maybe he could even convince Geralt to join them on the ice, he could pretend it was a sort of date?

Nah. That would be pathetic. He was above that.

“Ice-skating you say?”

Ciri nodded with a mischievous grin dancing on her lips. “It’s taken days of nagging but I finally wore him down.”

“Well then, come on! Let’s get our coats and gloves. Sadly, we’re only human, young witcher girl. We need to wrap up warm.” ________________________

If Jaskier had thought Ciri was a blur before, it was nothing compared to her skating. She streaked across the ice like lightning. It was as if she were some kind of mythical ice spirit. Her turquoise cloak flew out behind her and her long blonde hair whipped around her face as sharp blades cut into the ice. Geralt was watching from the shore, squatting under a tree with the hilt of his steel sword resting under his chin. Jaskier was a little unsteady on his feet. The ice was slipperier than he remembered and he was out of practice.

“Come on, bard!” Ciri giggled as she skated circles around him. He hissed and stumbled, almost falling on his arse for the third time.

“Leave him alone, Ciri,” Geralt called from the shore.

Jaskier winked at the witcher as he steadied himself. “I knew you cared!”

Geralt just rolled his eyes and shook his head but Jaskier knew his friend was secretly smiling under all his grumbling.

Ciri began to show off, jumping high in the air and spinning like a tornado. It was incredible. The rhymes and melodies about the Ice Princess were already forming in his mind. His fingers flexed as he itched for a quill or his lute. He would need to go back to the shore with Geralt. He needed to write this down before the idea faded away.

“Geralt?”

“Hmm?”

“Did you bring my notebook in that bag of yours?”

Geralt sighed and pulled out Jaskier’s small leather-bound book where he scrawled most of his composing. Jaskier grinned and started to stumble back to solid ground when the ice cracked and he heard Ciri’s scream.

“Shit!” Geralt grabbed his silver sword and began running across the ice.

Jaskier spun round to see a kikimora crawling across the ice towards Ciri. It’s long spindly legs were scratching and sliding all over the ice. Ciri screamed again and Jaskier was thrown backwards. He landed hard against the ice and it cracked underneath him.

“Bollocks!” He tried to grip the ice but his gloves were soaked through and his legs fell into the icy water. “Geralt!”

“Jaskier!”

The ice was freezing and he couldn’t breathe. His fingers slipped on the ice and he fell underneath the surface. The water burned his lungs as he gasped. Fuck it was so cold. He could still hear Ciri’s screaming even through the water. He tried to swim upwards but there was a sudden pain in his head. The water around him turned red and he saw the dark black leg of the kikimora falling through the ice. He tried to call for Geralt as his vision began to spin. Water filled his lungs and he was so cold.

He was so cold…

Cold…

_________

He couldn’t be dead. Jaskier knew that much. Death could not hold so much pain. His head felt like he’d been drinking solidly for a week whilst being hit repeated in the temple with one of Geralt’s swords. His throat was burning and his chest felt tight. He gasped a shaky breath of air and winced as he opened his eyes.

“Jaskier?”

“G’ralt?”

“It’s me. I’m here.”

Jaskier blinked a couple of times. Even the dim torches of Kaer Morhen were painfully bright. He was wrapped up in what appeared to be every fur in the keep and…. was this Geralt’s bedroom?

He struggled to sit up and Geralt gently pushed him back down. “Oi,” he grumbled hoarsely.

“Rest, Jaskier.”

“How’s your bard?” Another voice asked. Jaskier couldn’t work out whether it was Lambert or Eskel. His head was ringing too loudly.

“Ciri?” Her screams, that was the last thing he remembered. They had been so loud. She must have been dying. “Where’s Ciri?”

“She’s fine. She’s with Yen now, but she didn’t get knocked out by a kikimora and almost drown, Jask. I… I thought I’d lost you. I should have been closer. I should have kept you safe.”

Jaskier was surprised by the pain in Geralt’s voice. This was the same man who had tossed him aside like a dirty rag, and now it seemed as if that was the last thing the witcher wanted. Jaskier was also suddenly aware that someone was holding his hand. He coughed as the burning in his throat tickled him and he squeezed Geralt’s hand.

“I’m alive,” he tried to reassure the witcher.

“Barely.”

Jaskier licked his lips and looked up at Geralt. His head ached behind his eyes and the room was still too bright but he needed to see Geralt. He need Geralt to see him.

“I’m alive because you saved me, and not just today, my dear. You have saved me in so many ways and so many times.”

Geralt growled and shook his head. “You were only ever in trouble because of me. You were hurt… because of me.”

Jaskier frowned and closed his eyes with a sigh. They were talking about the dragon hunt now. He could feel it in his bones. “You were trying to protect me.”

Geralt laughed bitterly. “I couldn’t even managed to do that right.”

Jaskier gripped Geralt’s hand tightly. “No, but I forgave you. It’s time you forgave yourself, my dear,” He coughed again as he felt sleep try to pull him back under. “Be here, when I wake up?”

Geralt hummed. “Yeah.”

“I love you,” Jaskier mumbled almost incoherently as the darkness took him once more.

He didn’t hear Geralt’s reply. He didn’t hear the words he’d been longing to hear since he was eighteen. Geralt knew this and he would repeat them again once Jaskier woke up, and again and again and again until the bard slowly began to believe him. For now, Geralt settled for placing a kiss on Jaskier’s brow. His heart was beating too fast in his chest for any witcher but he was a witcher in love and for once in his life he would allow himself to enjoy that feeling.

“I love you too, Jask.”

[h2bakugou]

Hey! I was wondering if you could write about the reader with Jean Grey powers (xmen) who keeps to herself until the bakusquad decide to recruit her? Then after hanging with them the reader opens up and bakugou starts to have feelings for her and confesses? Thank youuu

a/n: hiya! of course! i haven’t seen xmen in a minute oof i should rewatch them. thank you for the request hun!

summary: after watching you in action and then sulk off to your room alone, bakugou and the bakusquad get tired of seeing you alone so they decide to recruit you, but bakugou’s feelings for you only get stronger

key: (y/n) - your name / (f/n) - first name / (l/n) - last name / (e/c) - eye color / (h/c) - hair color / powerful psychic abilities -  your quirk; for more info on this, you can look at the jean grey wiki page

warnings: swearing, fluff

wordcount: 1.5k

»»————-　★　————-««

»»————-　★　————-««

Watching you in action was riveting. You had immense power, power Bakugou hadn’t seen in a while. It was an unusual power. After seeing All Might and other pro heroes fight, comparing you to them felt a little pathetic, not that the way they fought was weak, but you exhibited power from not just strength, but with emotion, with your mind, with your body.

You were unique in so many ways. From the way your hair seemed to turn to fire when using your quirk, to the way you’d manipulate the energy around you to fight.

It was even more impressive seeing you fly form your amazing control of telekinesis.

But he couldn’t understand you. The more he tried, the more he hurt his brain trying to figure you out. Even Kaminari didn’t make his head hurt this much.

You were a book, with thousands of pages if not more. But you were so shut off, closed in. You didn’t even talk to Midoriya which Bakugou thought everyone did.

The only time you ever talked to anyone was when you were spoken too. You opted to stay to yourself, but Bakugou was tired of seeing you this way. Why didn’t you have friends? Or maybe you did and they just didn’t go here.

Whatever the case was, Bakugou was going to get you to be his friend, and for the first time, Bakugou was going to put forth the effort in making the friendship.

“Oh hey bro!” Kaminari slung his arm around Bakugou as he sat down on the couch.

“Shut it Dunceface.” Bakugou waited for the rest of his quote on quote ‘squad’ to show up. And when they had, he began to speak.

“We’re inviting another person to the group.” Bakugou didn’t mention them as a group a lot. But he was serious. And he didn’t care about his pride for two seconds, those tow seconds being right now.

“Oh, Bakugou went and got a heart!” Sero joked. 

“(Y/n).” Bakugou spoke, turning around to look at you sitting at a table reading a book.

You lifted your head and looked at him, confusion written on your features.

“He wants you to join our group! Come on!” Kirishima says with a smile. You can feel heat rise to your face, it’s not an intense blush but it’s happening.

Cautiously you stand and walk over to the group, your closed book in your hand.

“Uhm thanks.” You thank them for inviting them over to their group.

“We’ve never really talked, tell us about yourself!” Mina is excited to actually hear you talk.

“Well uh my name is (F/n) (L/n) and I like to read sometimes.” You sit down beside Bakugou, who had taken a seat when you walked over.

Bakugou’s head was swarming with all sorts of feelings. You were warm, you radiated energy and heat. He could feel how powerful you were just by sitting beside you.

- - -

Shortly after talking with the group, you’d opened up a bit and you were, for the first time in a while, comfortable with a group of people that you could call friends.

It wasn’t like you isolated yourself on purpose, you just never made the executive decision to make friends. You were here to learn, you didn’t really see a point in it, at the time, but now, having talked with the Bakusquad, you’d clearly missed out. Life was so much better when you weren't spending it alone moping in your room wishing you could make friends super easily.

Over the course of a week or two, you’d began to eat lunch with them, opting to hang out after training and class, and even spending time with Mina to do some girl stuff and sleepover things.

But it was Bakugou who you’d grown somewhat closer too. He would train with you, one on one. You’d spar and often ask to be partnered up in class activities.

You’d gone out on a walk with Bakugou, heading off campus before curfew.

“It’s weird being off campus.” You sat on a swing, you’d come to a park that was nearby, while Bakugou approached the one beside you.

“We do everything on campus, but I guess it is called school for a reason.” You joke, pushing back off the ground so you could swing forward a bit.

“Why’d you invite me to your group?” You questioned, curious about why it was Bakugou who made the big decision on recruiting you.

“I was tired of seeing you all alone. You clearly have skill so you should be making friends and shit.” Bakugou pouted, he hated being open, or merely he hated expressing feelings that made others think he was all soft and shit.

He was, to an extent that he’d only let people, the people who were really close to him, see those feelings and that side of him.

“I always struggled to make friends.” You began, deciding to open up to Bakugou. It seemed fair since this was clearly not the norm for him.

Bakugou’s head turned to look at you, he could read you like a book now, you’d pulled back the cover and all your pages were showing.

“I was just always focused on training and controlling my quirk. It’s always been super tough, and when it gets out of control I could really hurt someone. I never wanted to lose control and hurt the people around me, the people that I cared about.”

Bakugou knew what that was like. He had an explosion quirk, danger was always prominent, he could easily hurt someone if he got too angry.

“So I pushed everyone away, you can’t hurt people if you never surround yourself with them, right?” You try to crack a joke at the situation, but your failed attempt just makes you sigh.

“So when you were willing to invite me to your group, I didn’t know what to do, it was hard, but you just opened your arms and accepted me. I guess that’s why I gravitated to you so much, because you know what it’s like.”

“I do.” Bakugou added, he was inwardly happy to see that you’d caught on to his situation.

“But I can’t wrap my head around you. You’re so funny to me. You always criticize Midoriya and even Kirishima and Kaminari, but with me, it’s like you’re a whole different kind of Bakugou.”

“I could say the same about you. When I first saw you use your quirk, I was so fucking impressed it was insane. I couldn’t understand how someone like you wasn’t aiming for the top. You made me so angry seeing you alone.” Bakugou gripped the chains of the swing set.

“It drove me crazy, seeing you all alone, spending time with yourself like you were too important to make friends. It really pissed me off.” Bakugou looked at the ground.

“Because that was me.” Bakugou kicked at the red mulch under his feet.

“I hated the idea of making friends but those losers crept up on me, and as much as I still hate them, they’ve been there for me through all of this shit.”

“It was Kirishima who grabbed your hand when the league caught you, right?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ve always admired your duality.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Bakugou looked back up at you, the sun was beginning to set and you’d have to head back to U.A. soon. God he wanted to kiss you right now.

You looked so beautiful, the way the orange and purple sky mixed with the sparkling of stars beginning to light up like a city in the sky, the glow of the sun dripping below the horizon made your skin look radiant, like it was covered in thousands of tiny stars itself.

You were beautiful, everything about you was beautiful, he couldn’t fathom it.

“You’re strong when you need to be, but you’re able to open up and acknowledge your weaknesses.” 

Bakugou couldn’t resist any longer. The rustling of chains startled you as he darted up and took a few steps closer to you.

“Shut up.” He murmured before pressing his lips to yours. The swing was pushed back as you rose to your feet, your lips connecting to his like they were magnets.

His kiss was enough to make you realize one thing. Katsuki Bakugou was in love with you.

You kissed back but pulled away shortly after.

“Why’d you do that?” You questioned. 

“I needed to. Was it bad or something?”

“No! No! It was nice, I liked it.” You admitted, flustered.

“Can you stop making excuses and just realize that you’re still learning.” Bakugou intertwined his fingers with yours, securing your hand in his as you began to walk back toward the campus.

“Yeah.” You whispered.

When you arrived back at the dorms, Mina was surprised to see your hand in Bakugou’s.

“Someone’s in love!” She cooed, excited for the two of you. You looked away and let out a small giggle while Bakugou’s cheeks burned red.

"Shut up!” He yelled, rushing up the stairs with you to his dorm.

You and Bakugou hung out for a little while but it was safe to say that not only had you made some new friends, you’d discovered love for the first time.

»»————-　★　————-««

masterlist

[chews-erotically]

Waxing Gibbous 

Pairing: Ezra + femNurse! Reader

Rating: Hard M / 18+ ONLY

       * Warnings: Assault/violence/ mentions of masturbation/ blood/ gore/ comfort/ injury

      * Summary: In the field, you are found. Ezra reveals his duality.

      * Word Count: 1611

      * I cannot begin to thank all of you enough for reading this. It means absolutely everything in the entire universe. For the first time in so very long I feel as though I’m doing something that makes me happy. I love you!! 

 PART THREE

     “Shit!”

    Acrid steam poured from the ruined sac before you. Unsure of how you could be so adept at harvesting while practicing in the tent, yet so clumsy in the actual field, you stood and stretched your back. It was unbearably hot today; your suit was clinging to your skin like cling film. It was stifling and you were tired.

    Ezra was soon to return with replenished water bottles, you supposed, having trekked south of you to a stream you’d come across a few days prior. You estimated he’d been gone around twenty minutes.

    Since the events with the Sater had transpired the tension between you had seemed to grow exponentially. You’d found yourself idling on Ezra’s face more than you cared to admit to yourself. You’d unintentionally begun cataloguing the nuances of movement contained in his hands, the reactions on his expressive face to the things you said. More often now, you took note of that dark intensity returning to flash across his features when he thought you weren’t looking. This did not scare you; rather, it left your skin feeling too tight for your body, your core aching and burning until you had no choice but to shut yourself in the refresher and furiously bring yourself off, biting at your sleeve to muffle your guttural scream when you came seizing and shaking on your fingers. Something you’d once thought shameful now left you somehow ravenous. When you’d re-entered the common space of the tent you’d done nothing to hide the flush in your face or mussed hair. You’d shot Ezra a wide smile as he’d quirked his brow, his expression otherwise unreadable. You’d exited the tent as you felt suddenly faint- is this who you were now? Ezra made you feel wild and alive, like you had finally managed to snap out of a trance. Or wake up from an unending, uninspired dream of safe decisions and mediocrity.

    You mused on this in your suit on the Green, the suit still bearing faint tepid stains from your original sin. You were not paying attention, having almost certainly made up your mind to make Ezra aware of your feelings when you returned from the day’s work.

    Thus, you were doubly taken aback when the stone connected with the side of your helmet. With a dull cracking noise you fell to the dust. Your head ricocheted against the interior of your dome. Your ears rang; you tasted blood. How did you get here?

    A steel-toed boot connected with your ribs, forcing the air from your lungs. You gasped, you couldn’t breathe, couldn’t force air in. Pain exploded once again, exquisite in its intensity. A cracking sound- bone or helmet? You curled in on yourself, stunned, trying to process what this was that was happening to you. 

    Get. Up.

    Part of you wanted this whole farce to be over. The Green, the tent, this unseen assailant. Just end it. If this is how it’s supposed to happen, who are you to challenge fate? You could only hope for quickness, the pain is too much, this life is too much, you are a fool, how could you even consider someone like Ezra could want you. You are a weak, sniveling, invisible slug. You are going to die. You will rot and fester and become toxic, like the air on this cursed moon. Unknown and forgotten.

    Get. Up.

    Another kick, this time to your kidney. This time you found your air, cried out. It was weak, pathetic. You noted the mist of blood across the window of your helmet, so similar to before, except this time it was on the inside. It was yours. It caused a switch to flip on in you, sudden panic blooming in your chest. All at once your body called back to its evolutionary directive to survive. 

    It took everything within you to move. Blinding pain behind your eyes like needles as you rolled onto your front, then onto your knees. Your stomach roiled- you swallowed bile as you craned your head upward to finally view your assailant.

    It was the Sater. Of course. The dose of sedative you’d shot into his thigh had not been enough to kill him, merely incapacitate him long enough for you to escape with the precious med kit. He had recovered and now he had found you, and he was going to kill you. This so perfectly encapsulated life on the Green that you could have laughed. It was almost poetic.

    You could not hear his words, but you could see his sneer. He cocked his leg back to land another blow to you as you squeezed your eyes shut and waited. The blow did not come.

    Instead, you heard the sound of bodies connecting, and an unearthly snarl.

    Ezra.

    You opened your eyes and Ezra was upon him, a frenzy of fists landing over and over wherever he could reach. The Sater was overcome, had no time to react. The sounds that escaped Ezra’s mouth through your connected channel were almost inhuman in their ferocity.

You watched through the pain of each shuddering breath as he yanked the air hose from the Sater’s helmet, then grasped wildly at the connecting clasps of the helmet. Finding the seal, he pried frantically, finally freeing the dome and exposing the Sater’s face to the atmosphere. His fists connected with whatever was revealed, ruining and rupturing. 

    You had known that Ezra had sometimes had to be brutal in order to survive here. You knew that you had had to do the same. But seeing him like this, the unleashed rabidity of his rage unleashed on another was almost too much. As Ezra exhausted himself upon the Sater’s demolished face you found yourself having to turn away. The blows finally slowed in frequency and intensity when it became increasingly apparent that the Sater was no longer breathing.

    Ezra stood and gazed down at the body of the Sater, his lip curled. He turned to you, to where you knelt in the dust, and his expression melted into a mask of pain. It was almost as if the Sater had been pummeling him. You blinked and then he was beside you, his hands were on you, so unbelievably gentle as he swept up your stomach, moved carefully across your shoulders and down your arms. You met his gaze, mortally exhausted, and thought that perhaps you could still die here. Your ears rang and your head throbbed. Your stomach and chest ached, and you wondered from a faraway place if you could be bleeding internally.

    Ezra was crying, his eyes were red and swollen. He must have been crying while he killed.

    Through the beating static in your brain, you heard his voice asking if you thought you could stand. 

    You had tried, but a wave of nausea and vertigo had you swooning back toward the ground almost immediately. Ezra caught you and held you close against the breast of his suit until you felt a bit steadied. His heart thrummed wildly in his chest, and it served to center you.

    “We have only to trek back to the tent, sweet Dove. I will carry you if need be, but we cannot negotiate an alternative option.” Your nod was almost imperceptible, and you began a stumbling, shambling walk back to your tent. Ezra kept his arm close around your waist and draped your own limb across his shoulders. When you finally entered the interior he assisted you onto your cot. He helped to divest you of your helmet and suit before hastily removing his own, his eyes never leaving yours. Each wince of pain was answered by his own sympathetic sounds and mumbled apologies.

    “I am so sorry, sweet girl. My Dove, my Star...I will spend the rest of my life and whatever is beyond making it up to you….”

    You were too sore and numb to be embarrassed as he undressed you, carefully inspecting every inch of your skin before covering you back up. He carefully cleaned the dried blood from your nose and mouth, pausing briefly to cradle your face in his large, warm hands. He rested his forehead against yours before placing the ghost of a kiss at your hairline.

    You knew you were concussed, and so Ezra kept you awake. Kneeling on the floor He used dulcet tones and soft inflections to keep you engaged. He told you what he knew of the ancient Greek myths and incestuous dealings between gods and men. He expounded on the constellations and how the old prospectors would time their harvests according to the position of the stars in the sky. He told you of his childhood home on Earth and growing up in a poor parish in Louisiana. He talked about his only sibling, his older brother Isaiah, who he’d worshipped and followed blindly into the realm of prospecting before drink and women left him dead in some back-planet alleyway, robbed and stabbed.

    Finally you begged in mumbling tones to sleep, your eyes weighed down and feeling full of sand. Ezra acquiesced, but not before pulling his cot to join with yours. He lay on his side next to you, grasping your hand carefully as if it were glass. He moved his thumb over your skin in circles that soothed you as your eyes closed and eased you into dreamless slumber while Ezra’s deep, even breathing anchored you to his side.

Tags: @yespolkadotkitty, @rzrcrst, @mrpascals, @cyaredindjarin, @ifimayhaveaword, @lackofhonor, @giselatropicana

[xiaomomowrites]

act IV

Genshin Impact | TartaLi/ZhongChi

Summary: It was the way Zhongli’s warm amber eyes suddenly were not as warm anymore. The way he looked at him with a piercing look, void of remorse, as he handed his gnosis over willingly to go on a whole tangent about how his “duties were done”. It was the way he turned and treated the precious traveler with the same amount of kindness and gentleness the Childe had received the previous night, with such ease; it was a look he thought was reserved only for him. It was the way he was able to turn back around, stare at Childe with an unreadable gaze, and walk away without so much of a goodbye.

Or, Zhongli and Childe finally have the conversation that was long overdue.

A/N: I’ve been playing genshin for roughly four or five months now, I can’t remember exactly when I started, but boy do I love it. No you don’t understand, I’m obsessed. But these two have been taking up room in my big brain, so I wanted to write for them. It’s been awhile since I wrote for pleasure so hopefully this is satisfactory :,) and tomorrow, I’m back to school, so I thought I’d enjoy my last day of freedom and post this today. Fun fact, I’m minoring in professional writing, so I’m hoping that it’ll improve my writing skills when I write for luxury, too. Anyway, this was a really fun piece for me to write and I hope you share the sentiment.

Also thank you guys for being so patient with our inactivity and just being such a chill audience to write for. Other social media platforms have become so...demanding haha. I appreciate y’all! Feel free to message us or talk to us about whatever :) -u.n.

Find this on AO3!

Spoiler alert: this fic does contain spoilers for the A New Star Approaches arc, so read at your own risk.

—

In Childe’s line of work, he is no stranger to betrayal.

Working as a Fatui Harbinger meant an unhealthy amount of fighting, betraying one person, deceiving another, and then on occasion, getting betrayed himself. It was all in a days’ work. Childe knew he would just have to roll out his neck and move on. He’s done it before, he can do it again. He would think that, after nineteen years of this grueling rinse and repeat, that he’d be able to tolerate a lot in the field. In fact, working with that wretched colleague of his, Scaramouche, and serving the Tsaritsa with a loyalty unmatched explicitly calls for the patience and tolerance of a saint.

Alas, Childe is the furthest thing from a saint. And still, Zhongli’s betrayal stung the most out of anyone else’s, the reason still unbeknownst to him. He tells himself that it’s because he had actually befriended the other man. That, unlike his other missions, he developed more of a friendship with Zhongli than he has with anyone else in the past. Not to mention how he really thought he’d find the gnosis, in all its golden glory, seated deep within the Exuvia, and not within his friend.

Which is why after he watches Zhongli hand over his precious gnosis to Signora of all people, Childe makes haste to return to the inn he had been staying at to furiously pack his things and leave first thing in the morning. Seeing Signora in Liyue so close to Zhongli had triggered a deep seated feeling of possessiveness over him and the city. Liyue was his territory, as far as he was concerned. It was assigned to him by the Tsaritsa and no one else. And yet, despite his unspoken possession over Liyue, its people turned against him and viewed him as the enemy. As if Childe didn’t already know that. As if he hadn’t already grown up with a layered villain complex, subconsciously looking for a fool with a hero complex to match him. Then entered Zhongli, making himself at home in Childe’s life, and he was immediately enamouring the Harbinger.

Screw Liyue.

Screw all their traditions, the stupid glaze lilies, the delicious cuisine, the obvious livelihood that fills the streets in stark contrast to his own icy hometown, screw all those goddamn unnecessary mountains, that fish market with that abhorrent smell he gradually got used to, and screw Rex Lapis. Screw Zhongli, that handsome bastard, for stringing him along like his plaything the entire time.

Childe knows, he gets it, that Zhongli simply did what he had to do because it was best for his people. And what other way for the oldest of the seven to go, if not for a grand finale? And yes, Childe admits, luring out Osial was a stupid move, but it certainly served its purpose for testing the strength of Liyue and its defenders.

Zhongli and Signora knew he would do something stupid and reckless as soon as he caught wind of the Exuvia serving as a decoy. They knew, and they played the game so well, that Childe really thought he was the mastermind puppeteering the whole show.

What a fool he was made out to be.

Childe aggressively shoves blazer after blazer into his travel duffel, angry, pathetic tears pooling at the corners of his eyes without his consent. He sniffs angrily and swipes at his cheek as soon as the first tear falls.

Fuck this, he’s not crying over a god, he still has some dignity.

But still. Pride aside, it hurt. And it wasn’t even necessarily the deceit that hurt the most. He’s dealt with that previously. It was… more personal. More of an internal struggle than an external issue. Childe truly hates those the most. At least he can shove his fist through any external problem, but he can’t exactly do the same with his feelings, or whatever they’re called.

It was the way Zhongli’s warm amber eyes suddenly were not as warm anymore. The way he looked at him with a piercing look, void of remorse, as he handed his gnosis over willingly to go on a whole spiel about how his “duties were done”. It was the way he turned and treated the precious traveler with the same amount of kindness and gentleness the Childe had received the previous night, with such ease; it was a look he thought was reserved only for him. It was the way he was able to turn back around, stare at Childe with an unreadable gaze, and walk away without so much of a goodbye.

The same eyes that gazed at him with such affection and kindness were suddenly replaced with the eyes of a soldier. And it was only then that Childe fully realized the force he was reckoning with. Zhongli was a withered god who lived too long for his own good. A powerful deity that held the ability to shake the ground with a look; he who had been humbled by time and his sharp edges eroded by the millions of faces that passed him. Simply put, Childe was just another one of those faces. And again, he understood. If he lived for six thousand years, he wouldn’t want to be alive after the first hundred.

It was the duality that dug the blade deeper into his already bleeding chest. He felt used.

“I’ve enjoyed the time we’ve spent together, Childe,” Zhongli had said to him on a warm Liyuen night, “a friend of mine, a long time ago, told me that I was… bad at connecting with people. Emotionally stunted, is what she called me. And she is correct, as I have definitely struggled with making connections in the past. But with you… it’s different. It’s easy.

Childe is thankful for the discretion that night provides him; Zhongli would have easily spotted the blush spreading across his pale cheeks had it been daytime.

“So you had trouble making a couple friends, so what?” The ginger shrugs, “I wasn’t the best at making friends, either. My mom always said I was too aggressive. Apparently that’s not such an appealing trait, after all.”

Zhongli chuckles, a beautiful sound. “It was a bit deeper than that, I’m afraid. Understanding the complexity of another’s emotions was always difficult for me, whereas she… she was loved by everyone. Adored by the youngest of fawns to the oldest of horses. It came so naturally to her. I was the opposite. Not that everyone hated me, no, people just had a harder time getting close to me. Which is why, upon meeting you, I was shocked to find that we clicked so well. Befriending you was as easy as breathing air.”

Oh, Archons, help him.

“And,” Zhongli continues, as if he hadn’t already wrecked the man six ways to hell and back, “I must sincerely thank you for indulging me once again.” The deity glances down at the bag full of antique trinkets in his lap. Childe’s lips turn upward into one of his more genuine, rare smiles.

“What’s with you tonight?” Childe responds, and Zhongli looks at him questioningly , “I mean, you never had a problem with me spoiling you rotten before. You’ve never even acknowledged it. Why start now?”

Zhongli tears his gaze away from the Harbinger.

“And,” the ginger continues, “it almost sounds like you’re saying goodbye.”

Zhongli smiles at him then. He wore a kind look on his face, eyes so impossibly warm that it reminded him of his grandmother’s pirozhki. Hot and steaming from the center, melting on his tongue, dissolving deliciously in his mouth and defrosting his entire body. His smile felt like it wrapped itself around his chest and squeezed the best way possible, fitting him back together in places Childe didn’t even realize he had broken.

“What makes you say that?”

Oh, Childe is pissed.

Fuck tomorrow morning, Childe is leaving tonight.

The memories of last night crash over him not unlike a tidal wave and suddenly, he’s drowning. Filled out the brim with a familiar rage burning through his chest and searing his finger tips, his legs, his fucking toes.

He stands abruptly when he realizes he’s been sitting and resumes his packing. It doesn’t take very long after that. A couple toiletries get shoved into the side pockets, his vision is hooked back onto his hip, and his mask is slid into its’ usual spot on his head. He looks at himself in the mirror on the way out and scowls at the way his hair looks more disheveled than usual. Red rims his dulled blue eyes, forcing him to accept that maybe he cried more than he’d like to admit. Whatever.

He swings the door open and-

“Childe,” lo and behold, Zhongli stands in his fucking doorway, “I’d like to talk to you, if that’s alright.” The man looks slightly disheveled. He’s a little out of breath, Childe notices, like he ran up those ridiculous flights of stairs to get to his room- which, by the way, he never disclosed that information with him.

The man in question huffs a laugh. “It’s not.”

He makes a move to brush past him, but is stopped by an unreasonably strong grip around his bicep.

“Tartaglia,” he pleads, “please.”

Childe snatches his arm back and spits, “don’t call me that.”

He retreats back into his room anyway, hearing Zhongli close the door behind him. He dumps the bag back onto his bed and curses himself for not leaving a millisecond earlier.

“You’re angry with me.” Zhongli starts, face as unreadable as ever.

“The sky is blue. Snezhnaya is cold. Are we still stating the obvious here?” He’s too angry to carefully choose his words. Too hurt to slip on his pleasant facade.

“Tartaglia,” he presses, and Childe really hates how his name sounds on his tongue, “I truly am sorry for the way things had to go. It was not in my intentions to… hurt you to the degree in which you feel. I simply was upholding the end of my contract and doing what was best for my people. I implore you to believe that making you feel used was not my main objective.“

Oh god, his apology sounds so robotic.

“So you’re aware that what you did was a little fucked up.”

“Yes.”

“And you’re aware that almost the entirety of Liyue places the blame on me.”

“Yes.”

Well, shit. “Good talk, Zhongli-xiansheng. If you’ll excuse me, I must begin my trip home.”

He stomps toward the door only to be stopped once again. Archons, if Childe had any motivation left, he most certainly would challenge him to a spar. The ginger huffs, and looks to the heavens in a silent plea for patience.

“Tartaglia, please, I’m not finished-“

“Yeah, well I am.” Their eyes lock. Blue meets gold in a hostile hold, refusing to break. “The second you handed your gnosis over, my business here was done. Whatever… relationship we had is done. You were my consultant and was a Harbinger here for business. A Harbinger that you obviously used for your disposal. So now that that’s over and done with, I really need to report to Tsaritsa, lest she have my head on a silver platter-“

“I spoke with Tsaritsa already.” Zhongli cuts in, his grip tightening around Childe’s wrist. “I asked her for more time with you.”

“You what.”

“Surely you are curious about the deal I struck with Tsaritsa. The contract to end all contracts, yes?” Childe’s wild look on his face eggs him to continue, “I struck a deal that granted you more time here in Liyue. With me.”

Childe is silent for a moment. The ex-Archon opens his mouth to continue.

“And I’d like to say I’ve known you long enough to know that you seek freedom. From what that may be, I do not know. But Tsaritsa has agreed to give you a choice, at the very least, a temporary one. An extended vacation or complete retirement is a choice to be made by you.” Zhongli finishes, looking to Tartaglia with hope.

“THAT is worth your fucking gnosis?!” Zhongli’s gnosis. The entire essence of his being. The very thing that makes him divine (thought it certainly isn’t the only thing that makes the man ethereal), was traded for him.

“Yes,” Zhongli replies with such ease it makes Childe’s head spin. “Among other things, of course.” An aggressive why is lodged in the back of Childe’s throat. Why me? A million questions swirl around his head, knocking him off balance. He would have swayed on his feet had Zhongli not been there to hold him upright.

“That’s insane. You’re insane. You…” Childe lets out a tired sigh, “I don’t understand you.” And he doesn’t. Because one minute he’s a cold hearted businessman, and the next he’s at his door, reduced to a mortal, begging him to stay. Granting him freedom. Really, what kind of fucked up game is this? Why didn’t anyone tell him he was a part of it?

Zhongli smiles. He smiles. “You remember our conversation from the night before, yes?”

Childe rolls his ever-blue eyes to the back of his head. “Remind me, Zhongli-sensei,”

“I said,” the deity starts, drawing both of Childe’s calloused hands between his own, “that I struggled to connect with others. Guizhong, the Goddess of Dust, was the one to bring to my attention my emotional constipation. And like I said, she was correct.”

Childe’s anger withers.

“Unfortunately I understand naught of the depth of your feelings of betrayal,” he continues, “but I do wish to understand how deeply humans feel. And in our time together, I’ve begun to understand through you. Despite your… complexities. And I wish to continue to learn. With you.” I wish to feel human is left unsaid, and laced between his words instead.

“What are you saying,” the Harbinger asks weakly.

“Take me with you.”

“What.”

“Take me with you. Wherever you go, I will follow, if you will allow it.”

Well duh, he’d allow it. Zhongli just had to work for it a little more. He can’t just waltz in here after breaking his heart and ruining his trust, demanding his friendship and companionship or whatever, after everything he was put through-

“Okay.”

Very nice ass to mouth filter, Ajax.

Zhongli’s eyes glow impossibly brighter, “Okay?”

Childe tugs his hands back to his side. “Yes, yes, fine. Whatever. But you can’t just. You can’t just use me again in the name of experimentation.”

“Tartaglia, I would never,” he assures him vehemently, “Of the seven, I was always the one most oblivious to emotions. You may ask Barbatos if you want. But I know that what I feel for you is real and I would not trade it for the world.”

Childe’s mind reels. Barbatos? Feelings?

“‘What you feel for me?’”

Zhongli cocks his head in confusion, as if his feelings were the most obvious thing in the world. “Well, yes. And you feel the same, no? It need not be said aloud.”

“It really doesn’t,” Childe affirms, “you can save me the embarrassment.”

“Wonderful,” Zhongli’s face brightens, and it’s only then that Childe is hit with the full realization that Zhongli is free. No longer is he tied to the city and burdened with the weight of the people. No longer does he have to associate himself with the likes of the Tsaritsa. Finally, after centuries and centuries, he is allowed the pleasure to smile so brightly despite feeling pained for finally leaving his people. He is Zhongli, and no longer Rex Lapis. Morax is long gone, too. The man before him is a man reborn, and Childe’s heart aches with happiness for him.

“Okay, well,” he clears his throat when he notices he’s been quiet for too long, “it’s been a long day and I’m tired. I think I’m just gonna take a shower and turn into bed and think about the rest tomorrow. Save it for future Childe, you know?”

He pads over to his hastily packed back and zips it back open, pulling out the toiletries he aggressively shoved in less than an hour ago. He digs his fingers into his neck and sighs at the release of tension. Summoning an angry ocean god took a lot more out of him than he anticipated.

“I agree,” Zhongli says, and begins to strip. “Personally I prefer the left side of the bed.”

Childe gawks at him.

“You-!” Truly an emotionally constipated god, indeed. He sighs and his shoulders droop, the fight leaving his body. “Fine. Make yourself comfortable. I’ll be out in a bit.”

“I eagerly await your return,” Zhongli comments passively as he slips under the covers, a book he didn’t even know he was carrying tucked under his arm. Childe sighs for the nth time that night and turns to close the bathroom door behind him.

Future Childe certainly has a lot to deal with in the morning.

[sanutopia]

kink analysis: kim hongjoong

a/n: i hope you like this because ateez in bed has been haunting me lately so i plan on doing one of these for each member!

warnings: this is literally a kink analysis and sort of like a head cannon of hongjoong in bed, so obviously very sexual stuff is discussed. also i swear a few times oops :P

also i didn’t really spellcheck so if there are errors i’m sorry !

*this is just a BRIEF discussion of how i believe hongjoong is in bed. if anyone would like me to..... elaborate...... my asks are OPEN. lets have this discussion!*

i wanna start this off by giving a little description of how i imagine hongjoong being in bed. this man has serious duality, so i see hongjoong as a switch leaning more towards dom, as the sense of taking the reigns and leading comes naturally to him. i think he's a people pleaser, so he wants nothing more than for whoever he's sleeping with to be satisfied during every moment. on the occasional times that he subs, however, he can be a little bit needy and impatient. he's also down for a lot of experimenting and is willing to do really anything just to see if he likes it (but he always makes sure you're comfortable trying it first!). that being said, here are some things and kinks that i think hongjoong enjoys!

biting: this man has perfect teeth. i refuse to believe that he doesn't have a thing for biting, and seeing your reaction when he does so. his favorite places to bite are your chest right near your collar bones, and of course the insides of your thighs when he's in between them. while those happen to be his favorite places, he'll really put his teeth to use anywhere that he might get a reaction from you.

jewelry: i wouldn't necessarily call this a kink, but he always makes sure to have all of his jewelry on, such as his chains and rings, wherever he goes. he loves seeing the marks his rings leave on your neck after placing his fingers around your throat or the marks they leave after he spanks you for god knows how many times. he leaves the chains on because he loves the way your desperate hands come up to grab them as you moan in his ear. i personally think that hongjoong enjoys the way he looks with all of his jewelry on. it probably makes him a little cocky knowing he looks that good.

exhibitionism: hongjoong would love being exposed to the public. i think that he would enjoy public sex. probably has fantasies of fucking you in front of certain people. i think he would be pressured to show the 'audience' a good time. wants to show people how good he fucks you, almost like he has something to prove or some sort of reputation to uphold.

mutual masturbation: hongjoong would actually like to have a balance of power when you're masturbating. he would love to tell you what he wants to see and vice versa. bonus points if you do it in the mirror. i think he would especially enjoy this after being gone for a long period of time. he gets super curious about how you make do while he's gone, so his reward after working hard during tour would be nothing more than seeing you masturbate in front of him (because over video call just doesn't cut it).

sensory deprivation: hongjoong loves anything that can deprive you of at least one sense. he loves making you anticipate his next move. he loves seeing the chills you get when he touches you as you're blindfolded. i think he might honestly enjoy both giving and receiving deprivation because he thinks it's fun. loves bringing this kink in when toys are included as well.

thigh riding: while mingi holds the crown for some of the best thighs in the industry (my opinion), i think that hongjoong has to be up in the rankings too. i also think it would help his ego seeing you fall apart from simply grinding on his thigh. also, i think he likes to hold most of the control when you're on top of him. he would take special measures to guide your hips where he wants them.

humiliation/degradation: now hear me out on this one. i had to think about this for a while because as i said in the beginning, hongjoong's duality is insane. i think while he is passionate and cares about you both as well as the boundaries you set, this has to be one of his favorite kinks on the list. he cares a lot about you, yes, but i know for a fact he'd love seeing the tears come down your face as you beg for him time after time or after he's called you every name in the book. he would get off on calling you a pathetic little cockslut, and when it comes to kim hongjoong aren't we all?

also here are some toys i think hongjoong would enjoy!

blindfolds (we talked about this)

leashes/collars yes i said that

gags

butt plugs (i think eventually he would like to give & receive use of plugs!! they're fun ok!!)

cock rings

nipple clamps

(that's just to name a few but i assure there's probably more)

names he likes to call you:

- darling

- bunny (this one makes me 🥺)

- sweet/sweetling

- baby love

names he likes to be called:

- sir (god i love sir hongjoong)

- daddy (occasionally)

- baby (on softer days)

aftercare:

i am a firm believer that aftercare is one of hongjoong's strong suits. i mentioned that taking reigns/leading came natural to him, and along with that comes a sense of caring for others. his first action is to ask you if you're okay and if you enjoyed yourself. if something happened that you didn't enjoy that much, now is the time to mention it so you both can make adjustments and try again later, or if you didn't like it at all, scratch the idea. the next thing would be to obviously clean you both up, you being first. he would take special care of your body during the whole process, and aftercare is no exception. this might include running a bath or shower for you, rubbing lotion on you, or massaging whatever parts of you might be sore. although he might be tired, i know his first thought would be to make sure you're comfortable and clean before he passes out.

[ordulotusspa]

on paganism

I'm still angry. I was watching a bunch of videos yesterday on how to connect with deities, and I'm still angry about the things people say. Stuff like "these deities (pagan deities) are not real, they were made up; they didn't become actual humans like god did". Other stuff like "do not worship them! they were made by us, by our minds, we are more powerful!", "these deities are primitive and just an intent of actually finding god". do you see the disrespect? the misinformation? how they call you 'godless'? how they either turn your deities into imaginary friends, demons or enemies? I'm so tired of this. Man, I seriously hadn't feel alive until these deities came into my life. I hadn't feel the aliveness, the sublime, inside nature until this deities came to me. and they're real. they're more real than anything else because they are everything. they are everything that exists. duality, shadow and light, space, stars, earth, air. their bodies are separable and inseparable at the same time, they're visible and invisible, mortal and immortal, order and chaos. they're everything. you can't escape them. and they can and should be worshipped, loved, thanked. they should be thought of, contemplated, felt. because guess what? they are here with us. they don't want us to reject this world, to reject them —they want us to celebrate life, not wait until you can 'access' a highly elitist paradise and be saved. saved from what, excuse me? from yourself? from life? flesh and bone? pathetic. life is all that exists, you can't be saved from it.

according to plato, zeus name shares a root with the word zoe, which means life. zeus means life. life reigns. no, ancients didn't thought of an old man in the skies throwing lightning. they thought life was like lightning, instead. strong, shining for a moment, directed by the gods. myths are oral tradition and they're highly theatrical. the ancients allowed themselves to play with the gods, to laugh with them.

stop ridiculing us, stop saying our gods aren't real like yours. stop saying we made them up. learn a little, read history of religion, actual anthropology. i would rather listen to an atheist say they're not real bc science, than to a christian say they're not real because their's incarnated once. im glad you love your god! i love mines too. so fucking do what yours preached and respect.

[borisbubbles]

39. ROMANIA

Roxen - “Alcohol you”

Lol Remember when it was mid-Feb and we were all blissfully unaware of the dark Covid-tinted clouds looming just beyond the horizon? Well, around that time, Romania released their five Roxen songs and ESCUnited being as ESCUnited does, instantly annointed “Alcohol” you as their fave. “This selection is good but “Alcohol you” is great” “Omg I welled up when I heard “Alcohol you” ALCOHOLYOUALCOHOLYOUALCOHOLYOU. Obs, my interest was piqued, so

I sat myself down

Plugged in my earbuds

and listened

and wondered “Did this woman just sing “I I Will Call You When I’m Drunk???”

Am I listening to the same song?” Am I missing something here? Am I losing my mind? Am I in “A Beautiful Mind” and am I Russell Crowe? What the fuck’s going on?

Song Analysis

Unfortunately, while the brief Roxen reverence was lowkey fascinating, “Alcohol you” itself is a crock of shit and Roxen Fans have convinced themselves otherwise because... she bedazzles her face? There are strings present? It’s edgier than liking “Tears getting sober”? 

First of all, the lyrics. SINCE people love to mention how profound and genuine "Alcohol you” is, here is the first verse:

The sun is rising ink For me it's hard to blink I'm falling I wrote some stupid words Before I lost my mind And called you A taste of bittersweet To chase the memories Blue heaven I need you but it hurts To feel like I deserve Your weapons

SO TOUCHING! SO DEEP! SO REAL! I... have no fucking idea what’s she’s singing, lol. Is this what the average reader of BorisBubbles.tumblr.com experiences with each passing entry? Is “Wrote some stupid words, before I lost my mind”  a part of the writer brainstorm that accidentally made its way into the song? Like what do these words even mean. Random words strung together without context are just jibberish Roxen, I am *SO* sorry to tell you. A Few Lame Puns A Good Story Does Not Make. The only “profound” thing about “Alcohol you” is its ability to profoundly confuse the shit out of anyone who hears it. Shit be shallower than a puddle, yo.

Oh and as an aside: Drinking and drugs, and the abuse thereof is a massive issue with teenagers. So yes, I definitely welcome songs that serve as a PSA against this, but for some reason people (idiots) believe “Alcohol you” counts as one and, no? The song is about Roxen drinking to FORGET the abuse her love interest puts her through (I think? God this shit is more nebulous than  Plath). This song does not warn against alcoholism. It actively trivilalizes it.

NF Corner

What the general opinion didn’t lie about however, was the qualité shown in Selecta Nationala. Naturally, as one could expect, Roxen torpedoed every song she didn’t like (read: the bombed with every song other than the pathetically easy-to-sing-and-emote-with “Alcohol you”), so what SHOULD’VE been an epic NF instead turned into a blatant coronation. Also, Natalia Gordienko was there serving some epic Abu Ghraib-like vocals, but more on that in a few updates. 

Anyway, there fortunately was ONE song which could contest “Alcohol you” and that’s this one

Roxen - “Storm”

A burst of juvenile energy and self-empowerment that might’ve been a bit TOO big for Roxen. ‘HI I AM STORM’ is such a hilarious Pot Ledom-esque line and the duality of calm zen verses and an irresistable sassy chorus was a thing Billie Eilish (omg i made it this far without mentioning her. Props to myself, I guess) would pull off with ease. Seeing as both “Cherry Red” and “Beautiful Disaster” were... well... not-so-beautiful disasters, I would have gladly taken a “Storm” over what actually won? Meh. ESC was cancelled anyway, so I suppose I’m not that bothered anymore. Oh wellerz. 

Romania 2020 vs Romania 2021

Bookmakers were CONVINCED that Roxen would have EASILY floated her way into the finale but I don’t know about thaaaaat (-- Sandra Diaz-Twine). Look, okay, Roxen’s biggest issue really is the lack of experience. She just doesn’t have finesse a more experienced performer, such as a Destiny or an Ulrikke (TVR inviting Ulrikke to SN was kind of a highkey PR disaster, as Ulrikke mopped the floor with *everyone* there, including poor Roxen) and well... “Alcohol you” is a bad song, lol? Yes, there was a lack of good lowtempo in semfinal one, but Romania didn’t have it, okay? Borderline at best. However, TVR have reselected Roxen and have a full year to work on her until she has the peform. Selectia Nationala was good - Romania just have to continue down the same paradigm, and they should have a good shot at reaching the finale. 

FREAKY! FRIDAY! FACTOR!

Instead of going for a nationwide selection and living with the ~DRAMA~ that would have come along with it, TVR cut the crap, selected an artist and then provided a soft-rigged NF where their chosen song woudl be selected. This is a reskin of the usual Romania stuff, but I will be lenient given how bonkers the finale set up was. Roxen terminating her two best songs via an involuntary lack of energy actually turned into a brief twitter meme and I lived for it. 

I will also give props for TVR’s choice of invited artists. Sandro is w/e, but Ulrikke completely dunked everyone present, but the REAL freak entry was Natalia Gordienko’s “Prison” and I don’t wish to spoil but... let’s just say it was a performance that was rather hard to forget. For these reasons, have a few senhitfaces:

Score: 2 Senhits out of 5

[suicidalcatz]

DOG DAYS ARE OVER : CHAP 10

Pairing : Jake Kiszka x reader

Genre : College AU

Previous parts : Prologue ; Chap 1 ; Chap 2 ; Chap 3 ; Chap 4 ; Chap 5 ; Chap 6 ; Chap 7 ; Chap 8 ; Chap 9

Masterlist : Here

AN : Oh my God I made it this far. So, I’m writing part 13 atm, it does seem extra long but the beginning of this chap is only the 26th page of my doc. It’s always a very stressful experience for me to share my fics, I think I’m really scared to disappoint you. I hope you won’t/don’t hate y/n and that she’s relatable for you, she has a lil temper. Last angst chapter before fluff, fluff and more fluff. Again, please feel free to let me know what you think of it, I love chatting with you and it can help me improve my writing ! Thanks for the love and support, and for embarking into this journey with me.

Chapter 10 : Why didn't you tell me ?

Staying wrapped in a blanket in the comfort of my bed sounded like the best week-end plan. I didn't want to do anything else, anyway. Crying was the first thing I did when coming home last night, and it lasted a good portion of the night. Mandy had follow me soon after I hurried out of the room, concern all over her features. At some point I cried myself to sleep in her arms while she silently stroke my back. It sounded overly dramatic and made me feel pathetic in addition to everything else, but I had got my hopes up so much that the fall hit hard. Terribly so. Understanding that I needed some alone time (as much as our shared room allowed it), Mandy let me be, keeping herself busy with work, some Netflix, or going out from times to times. I heard her put on her shoes and coming next to me, probably waiting by the door before leaving. I couldn't see her, however, because my body was facing the wall, keeping my eyes fixated on the old yellowed paint.

- Dude, you can't stay in bed all day long listening to Fleetwood Mac.

- Oh yeah ?, I croaked. Watch me.

Stubbornly keeping my back to her, I slightly moved the blankets to cover my head. I felt hollow, at best. I wanted to cry, but there was no tears left. My eyes felt dry, probably red and puffy, and my chest wouldn't stop aching like someone had just stabbed my heart. It felt awful. I felt miserable.

Mandy quietly stayed a while longer behind me, before she spoke softly.

- I know it hurts sweetie.

This simple, compassionate sentence had my eyes instantly watering, and before I realized it, a sob found its way at the back of my throat, making me shake under the covers.

- It hurts so much, so fucking much.

My sobs became more erratic, to the point that I don't even know if she could hear me correctly, but in an instant she was by my side, taking me into her arms, shushing me gently, putting me to sleep.

My nights were sleepless, my naps were restless, my dreams were all filled with nightmares. I couldn't help seeing Jake's face over and over in it. Sometimes people would make fun of me for believing he could've wanted me. Other times, my mind would just show me his face, or replay unwanted memories. Some part of me knew it wasn't the end of the world and there was no reason for me to get this worked up over a heartbreak because it could've been way worse. He could've intentionally led me on. He could've cheated on me. He could've taken advantage of me for sex. What happened was nothing in comparision, it was just a disastrous twist of fate. Plain bad luck. But somehow the fact that no one was to blame in this situation felt even more cruel. Like some invisible force had decided to not let me be happy. And listening to Fleetwood Mac wouldn't help improve my mood, but at the moment I didn't wanted to feel better. There was something strangely comforting in feeling miserable. I wanted to let it all go, all the tears, all the pain, no matter how long it would take.

When I heard the door open again, I hadn't moved an inch from when Mandy had previously left. Even with my earphones on, I could hear some murmurs in the kitchen. She knocked on the doorframe to notify her presence before speaking up.

- Sweetie, someone's here to see you.

There was an uncomfortable edge to her voice that actually made me curious, before some more footsteps approached my way, keeping a safe distance. They were being too fucking cautious not to offend me or whatever, like I was some damn porcelain doll, and while it annoyed me, it really made me realize how alarming the state I was in must've look from an outside point of view.

- Hey, I think I owe you some explanation.

I recognized this raspy and low voice, very slightly different from Jake's. It made my heart skip a beat because of how much they sounded alike, and I turned to face him just to be sure. Josh looked as apologetic as ever, and I knew why. I didn't feel bad for him at all. Thank God he had remorse.

- I have nothing to say to you.

- I knew you had a crush on him, said Josh anyway. It was obvious... the painting, the time you spent together, even the way your face lit up just seeing him. I tried to prevent this ending, I swear, and I'm so, so sorry-

- I know what you did.

Sitting up, scrubbing the dried tears out of my reddened cheeks and nose with the back of my hand, I gave him a cold stare. In the corner of my eye I could see a tense Mandy not knowing what to do with herself, and if she was questionning ; yes, it was a terrible idea bringing Josh here.

It all came to me just before I fled from the party, but I got too engrossed in my heartbreak to really think it through. But now, with his guilty looking face just few meters away from me, it all clicked into place. His odd behaviour whenever Jake and I spent time together, his seemingly jealous fits, the way he interrupted us whenever we were getting closer. It wasn't jealousy at all. It wasn't him being left out, or whatever bullshit he had told me.

- You knew all along, I said as tears blurred my sight, you knew he had a girlfriend. You didn't tell me. This could've been avoided if you had told me.

My throat had never felt this constricted. Now, adding to the weight of sadness, humiliation, emptiness, and wretch, was betrayal. Which made my shame sentiment grow bigger and my anger begin to rise. Slowly, Josh nodded his head. Of course he knew, it was his twin.

-I didn't know, I, I wanted to protect you-

- I need you out. I don't want to see you.

- Doll let me-

- Get out.

I didn't have the energy to shout at him, and his fucked up logic. Duality splitted my mind in two, tiredness of this whole situation and anger. The latter won over, making me throw whatever came to  my hand when Josh closed the door behind him. He knew all along and he didn't tell me anything. He knew I had fallen for his brother, he saw it, and he didn't tell me. I couldn't believe it, that hit me hard, and made almost as much damage as Jake being in a relationship. They both broke my heart that day.

The night finally came after what felt like the longest day ever. I didn't move. I didn't shower. I didn't eat. One thing I wanted to do was going back home, to my parents' place and listen to their stories, letting them forcefeed me, or put a blanket on me as I would fall asleep on the couch during movie night. However, I didn't have money to afford buying a train ticket, and it was too far away for them to come pick me up. They were getting old, I couldn't bother them if it wasn't an emergency. So I lied awake in my bed for another night, and I'll do the same the next day.

I was doing a good job of lying half dead in bed all Sunday before Mandy interrupted my mourning with her sudden life goal of making me snap out of it. It started with her pulling out the covers, and confiscating my phone.

- No more depressing music for you, I've had it. We get it, you're sad. We all have been there, you included. Guess what ? Staying in bed all day won't make you feel better, so you're gonna move it and take a nice and long shower because we're going out.

Seeing her this determined, fists on her hips, actually surprised me.

- I'm not, I muttered into the pillow.

- Oh yeah we are. There are plenty of boys in the world, you're stronger than that. So you better get your pretty ass in the shower before I kick the hell out of it.

To be honest, she had a fair point, and I obliged reluctantly, finding myself getting dressed up faster than I expected. By foot, we were a good hour away from the downtown, and with that infernal weather there was no way we were gonna walk, so she ordered a Uber for us and pushed my sorry self inside. The center of the city was crossed by the river, where the best bars were, and about half of our school's students hung out in this area, so it was always crowded, even in December. Teenagers and young adults were drinking cheap beer, smoking weed and/or selling drugs. It was the perfect place to meet new people. We could already see people chatting noisily by the docks, some dudes peeing on the river, others playing the djembe or singing together in circles, passing the joint. The street was usually so crowded that when a police car went by to see if everything was in order, it rolled with difficulty, honking everybody standing in the middle of the road. Mandy's strategy was simple : getting my mind off of Jake. She wouldn't even say his name, and had me take a shot every time I did (which I didn't anyway). Despite all her efforts, I couldn't say I was into it. The night went by with me staying in the back as she befriended everyone, fake-smiling now and then when they tried to chat with me. Focusing on what they said has proved nearly impossible, so I excused myself, pretexting I had to go to the bathroom. I needed some alone time. I didn't even feel like drinking anything, even a soda. It was too crowded, too noisy, smelled like booze and beer too much, it was... everything was overwhelming for someone who had just lied motionless in silence for two whole days.

The bartenders didn't say a word about me coming into their bar in the sole purpose of using their toilets. I don't even think they saw me at all with all the yelling people lined up against the counter to get their drinks. The crowd was compact, and my frame nearly got smashed between strangers' bodies when I tried to come through it, tripping over when I got out of this sea of limbs, and finally bumping heads with some drunk dude.

- Sorry, we said in unison, lifting a hand to our head.

The sound of my name made me gaze up, reporting my attention on something else than the floor. Josh. Of course. Could my luck be any worse ? At this point I must say that I wasn't even surprised. He looked far too drunk, and smelled a disgusting mix of whisky and beer. Trying to wave him off before passing him didn't succeed, because he grabbed my wrist, saying we should talk, pulling me outside on the busy street where I just came from.

- Josh I don't want to hear-

As a response, his index finger pressed sloppily against my lips, shushing me, making me frown.

- I didn't get to say everything I needed, did I ?

At this point I wasn't even annoyed, just tired and sorry for the both of us. He looked almost as miserable as me, and was he alone ? My eyes shot glances from side to side, waiting for his friends to pick him up, or worse, his brothers. But nobody seemed to care about us, let alone witness us.

- Whatever, let's talk.

Sending a to text Mandy beforehand in case she thought I was once again locked in the bathroom, I let Josh walk me to the bridge at the end of the street, far from the crowd. The wind kept brushing our faces at full speed, making my ears ache and my fingers sting. It was so cold outside I couldn't understand why everybody kept coming at the docks, this was the worst place ever in Winter. Josh sat on a step leading to the top of the bridge, only wearing a light suede jacket, not bothered in the slightest by this awful weather. The boy kept looking at his feet, his mouth a pout, his gaze unfocused, looking deep in thought.

- Josh if you're not going to say anyth-

- I didn't know what to do about it, he interrupted like he didn't hear me at all. I panicked ? You have to believe me, doll, I'm so sorry about it. What should have I done ? You're my friend and he's my brother, what a shitty situation. It wasn't my place to tell you, it was his. He should've known, it was so fucking obvious to everyone except him, what an idiot...

Josh began rambling, shaking his head in disbelief. I felt my cheeks color at the new knowledge that everybody knew about my crush on Jake except himself. My shame level was about to burst, it was so embarrassing.

- He doesn't know ?

Needing to confirm this, I barely whispered but the boy heard me, staring intently into my eyes before shaking his head no, and I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

- He's an idiot, commented Josh. Can't even see his relationship has been going to the dogs since months now. And I'm deeply sorry his incompetent ass put you in this situation. Now I obviously can't beat him up for you but I do can steal his socks to piss him off.

What ? Josh kept rambling on and slurring, to the point I didn't know if he was talking to me or to himself. So Jake's relationship wasn't all great... It happened to everybody, I guess. It didn't rejoice me in any way, however. If anything, I felt empathy for him. Maybe it's not that he was oblivious, but that he wanted for this to work so much he willingly chose to ignore that his relationship was falling apart. According to Josh's mumbling, their love was dying. Knowing Jake better now I could picture him genuinely trying his best to make things work, even though there wasn't anything he could do about it, and it made me sad. Because who knew this feeling of helplessness better than me ? It made me see things from a new perspective. Why was I even fighting with Josh ? Again ? It was futile and childish. I felt betrayed out of anger and sadness. It didn't mean he handled the situation perfectly, oh no. But staying mad at him wouldn't change anything. Jake wasn't going to quit his girlfriend anytime soon and I didn't wish him that. I couldn't live a lie either. Now at least I knew he was in a relationship, and I could finally move on. And while doing it, I could help a friend.

- It's alright Josh, I interrupted his monologue. Come here, let's go.

Josh took the hand offered to him and with some difficulty, I helped him up, letting him wrap himself around me, hugging me tightly, making me giggle.

- Where are we going ?, he whined in my shoulder while I called a cab.

- Home.