#we just finished playing it like 2 weeks ago. since our cannon has him as og agent 3 and me as neo agent 3 neither of us where gonna make a

[darewolfcreates]

Happy 5 years of octo-expantion! Here’s the development of my agent 8: Oct and Ling: 2 people, 1 body.

Were they once one Octoling who split into 2 when they fell and lost most of their memories? Were they two Octolings who were forced into the same body? Were they one Octoling who developed an alter? Who is the original? Were they born like this? Neither know. And neither care to find out. They’re alright with not knowing. They know they are together and this is all they can remember.

[yasbxxgie]

Chris Rock wasn’t sure if he was hiding out or not.

On the Friday before Labor Day, he was speaking by phone from Yellow Springs, Ohio, the rustic village where he’d gone to spend time with Dave Chappelle, his friend and fellow comedian. Rock had previously traveled there in July to perform for a small, socially distanced audience as part of an outdoor comedy series Chappelle has been hosting. But Rock couldn’t decide if this return visit was meant to be clandestine. “I don’t know if it’s a secret,” he said quietly. “Maybe it is out here.” He couldn’t easily find the words to describe what he’d been doing just before this trip, either. “I mean, I guess I’ve been acting,” he said. After a short pause, he added, at a more assuredly Rock-like volume: “In a pandemic.”

In August, Rock had gone to Chicago to finish filming the fourth season of “Fargo,” the supremely arch FX crime drama, which makes its debut on Sept. 27. The show’s creator, Noah Hawley, had chosen him to star in its latest story line, set in the dapper gangland of 1950s Kansas City, Mo., and which casts Rock — the indefatigable standup and comic actor — as a mannered, methodical crime lord named Loy Cannon.

Maybe in a different universe where the show premiered in April as originally planned, the “Fargo” role has already put the 55-year-old Rock on a whole new career trajectory, opening the door to more serious and substantial roles and silencing the chorus of fans who still knowingly ask him for “one rib.” Maybe in this universe it still will.

But when the coronavirus pandemic struck, production on “Fargo” was halted in March, and Rock and his co-stars (including Jason Schwartzman, Ben Whishaw, Jessie Buckley and Andrew Bird) were all sent packing. Then at the end of the summer, Rock was summoned back to set, first to spend a week in quarantine and then to complete his acting work under new protocols and not a little bit of stress.

Other prominent projects of his have also been pushed back — he has a starring role in “Spiral,” a reboot of the “Saw” horror series, whose release was postponed a full year to May 2021. But Rock wasn’t mourning the delay of any professional gratification, having spent the spring and summer realigning his values for the new reality of pandemic life. “Maybe for like a day or two, I was like, ‘Oh, me,’” he said with an exaggerated whimper. “But honestly, it was more like, I’ve got to get to my kids and make sure my family is safe.”

In that time he has also heard countless Americans echoing the lesson he offered in the opening minutes of his 2018 standup special, “Tamborine,” where he spoke humorously but emphatically about the ongoing incidents of police violence against Black people. As he said in that routine, law enforcement was among the professions that simply cannot allow “a few bad apples”: “American Airlines can’t be like, ‘You know, most of our pilots like to land. We just got a few bad apples that like to crash in the mountains.’”

Now Rock was feeling mistrustful about the power of his comedy to do anything other than entertain, and unsure when he would get to perform it again for large audiences. And he was admittedly wary about this very interview, explaining with a chuckle that when he talks to the print media, he said, “You have to be comfortable with being boring. If you’re not comfortable with being boring, occasionally, you’re going to get in trouble.”

Not that Rock was ever boring in a wide-ranging conversation that encompassed “Fargo” and his broader career; his latest observations on a nation grappling simultaneously with a pandemic and a reinvigorated longing for racial equality; the resurfacing of a past video where Jimmy Fallon impersonated him in blackface; and of course, President Trump. (“No one has less compassion for humans than a landlord,” he said.) Even in the absence of an audience, Rock was candid, increasingly animated, uncommonly nimble and always looking for the laugh. Now, let the trouble begin.

These are edited excerpts from that conversation.

Was there a time when you thought this “Fargo” season was never going to get finished and that the series might not be seen for a long time, if ever?

I’ve had weird little things in my career — I was supposed to do this Bob Altman movie, “Hands on a Hard Body.” We were on the phone a lot, going over my character and I was so excited about doing the movie. And he died. I was supposed to be Jimmy Olsen in “Superman” with Nic Cage [“Superman Lives,” which was canceled in the late 1990s]. I remember going to Warner Bros., doing a costume fitting. Hanging out with Tim [Burton], who I idolized. Like, I’m hanging out with the guy that made “Pee-wee’s Big Adventure” and he’s showing me the models of the sets for “Superman.” So yeah, I definitely thought there’s a chance this might not happen. Fortunately for everyone involved, that was not the case.

How did Noah Hawley approach you about “Fargo”?

It was a weird day, because it was the day of the Emmy nominations and I didn’t get nominated for my last special [“Tamborine”]. I wouldn’t say I was down down, but I was a little disappointed, and then I got a call from my agent that Noah Hawley wanted to meet with me.

I get acting offers, but I get more hosting offers than anything. It is not uncommon for somebody to want me to do a high-priced wedding or bar mitzvah — a few years ago, I officiated the wedding of Daniel Ek, the owner of Spotify, and Bruno Mars was the wedding band. I think I sat next to [Mark] Zuckerberg at the reception. [Laughs.] I just assumed Noah had some crazy request like that. The only reason I went is because I love “Fargo.” And I get there and he offers me this part.

How did he explain the character of Loy Cannon to you?

He said 1950s gangster, so I know exactly who he’s talking about. My father was born in 1933. It’s not like “12 Years a Slave.” It’s literally a guy my grandfather’s age.

In the first episode, we see Loy pitching the idea for credit cards to an uninterested white banker. Is he a man who wants to be part of polite society, but it doesn’t want him?

I mean, I remember having a production overall deal at HBO and I came in with one person to sell a talk show with them. And they wouldn’t. That person’s name is Wendy Williams. [Laughs.] That’s $100 million that I never made. I was selling Leslie Jones to people, to agents and managers, for 10 years before she got on “S.N.L.” I’m very familiar with selling a no-brainer that people go, “Huh? Why that?”

Is he different from characters you’ve played before, because he’s older and we don’t know how much longer he’s going to be sitting on his throne?

Yeah, it’s one of those jobs: Because of how well it pays, you could be killed at any moment. It is the best part I’ve ever, ever, ever had. I hope it’s not the best part I ever have. Hey, Morgan Freeman’s done a hundred movies since “Shawshank Redemption.” But that’s the best part he ever had.

This role feels like it’s declaring itself as being outside the realm of what you’re best known for. Are you thinking differently about your acting career and where you hope to go with it?

My casting isn’t as weird as it seems if you really watch “Fargo.” Key and Peele are in the first season and Brad Garrett’s amazing in Season 2. Hey, it’s my turn, OK? I want to work on good stuff. Everything I’ve done hasn’t been great, but I was always striving for greatness. I loved “Marriage Story.” I’d kill for something like that. [Laughs.] You see what [Adam] Sandler did with “Uncut Gems.” But you’ve got to get the call and be ready when your number’s called.

Your 2014 film “Top Five,” which you wrote, directed and starred in, was very personal for you. Do you want to make more movies like that?

That’s a vein I intend to keep going in. When I made “Top Five,” I got divorced. And like most people that get divorced, I needed money. [Laughs.] I had to pay for stuff. I also went on tour. Because of Covid, it doesn’t look like there’s going to be any serious touring until 2022. So I’m a writer-director-actor right now. I’m working on some scripts in the “Top Five” vein and I honestly hope to direct, some time after the new year.

How much of “Fargo” did you have to finish during the pandemic?

It was like an episode and a half — the whole last episode, and some scenes from the one before it. It’s weird, quarantine when you’re acting. Acting can be isolating, anyway, and then you throw quarantine into that. You’re in solitary confinement with Netflix and Uber Eats. But let’s not get it too twisted. Somebody that’s in solitary is like, shut the [expletive] up. And then to actually act and get tested every other day, and wear a mask whenever you’re not saying your lines. And be cognizant of which zone you’re in. Because for Zone A, everyone’s been tested, but in Zone B, not everyone’s been tested. Zone C is just, everyone’s got Covid.

You performed at one of Chappelle’s live shows in July. What was that like for you?

When you’re in the clubs, you learn the rain crowd is the best crowd. Any time it’s raining, they really want to be there. The pandemic crowd is really good. “Dude, not only do we want to be here, there is nothing else to do. There’s nothing else to watch. Thank you.”

What did you talk about?

I talked about our political whatever. America. Part of the reason we’re in the predicament we’re in is, the president’s a landlord. No one has less compassion for humans than a landlord. [Laughs.] And we’re shocked he’s not engaged.

Did you ever see that movie “The Last Emperor,” where like a 5-year-old is the emperor of China? There’s a kid and he’s the king. So I’m like, it’s all the Democrats’ fault. Because you knew that the emperor was 5 years old. And when the emperor’s 5 years old, they only lead in theory. There’s usually an adult who’s like, “OK, this is what we’re really going to do.” And it was totally up to Pelosi and the Democrats. Their thing was, “We’re going to get him impeached,” which was never going to happen. You let the pandemic come in. Yes, we can blame Trump, but he’s really the 5-year-old.

Put it this way: Republicans tell outright lies. Democrats leave out key pieces of the truth that would lead to a more nuanced argument. In a sense, it’s all fake news.

Looking back at the beginning of “Tamborine,” the first several minutes is you talking about police violence and raising Black children in a racist country. Does it feel futile when you discuss these issues and it doesn’t change anything?

I remember when “Tamborine” dropped, I got a lot of flak over that cop thing. There was a lot of people trying to start a fire that never really picked up. It’s so weird that, two years later, it’s right on. I remember watching the news and Trump said “bad apples.” It was like, you did it! You did it!

But you told people two years ago —

I did. But so did Public Enemy. So did KRS-One. So did Marvin Gaye. There’s something about seeing things on camera. If O.J. kills Nicole on camera, the trial is two days. [Laughs.] It’s two days trying to figure out what kind of cell he deserves. It’s just Johnnie going, [Johnnie Cochran voice] “Well I think he needs at least a 12-by-8. Can he have ESPN?” That would be the whole trial.

But there was videotape of Rodney King’s beating, too. It doesn’t assure any particular outcome.

Yeah, man. Put it this way: This is the second great civil rights movement. And Dr. King and those guys were amazing. But they knew nothing about money. They didn’t ask for anything. At the end of the day, the things we got — it was just, hey, can you guys be humane? All we got was, like, humanity. If they had it to do all over again, in hindsight, there would be some attention paid to the financial disparity of all the years of — let’s not even count slavery, let’s just count Jim Crow.

You’re talking about a system that really didn’t end until about 1973. And I’m born in ’65 in South Carolina. I’m probably in a segregated wing of a hospital — there’s no way in the world I was next to a white baby. Even if the hospital wasn’t segregated, I was in a whole other room and that room didn’t have the good milk and the good sheets. My parents couldn’t own property in certain neighborhoods when I was born. There was an economic disparity there, and that was not addressed in the original civil rights movement. It was a huge oversight. So there’s no money and there’s no land. If you don’t have either one of those, you don’t really have much.

Did you want to participate in the recent protests?

Me and my kids, we looked from afar. But we’re in the middle of a pandemic, man, and I know people who have absolutely passed from it. I’m like, dude, this Covid thing is real.

You’ve been telling audiences for years that racism isn’t going away and remains a potent force in America. Do you feel like you’ve seen circumstances improve at all?

It’s real. It’s not going away. I said this before, but Obama becoming the president, it’s progress for white people. It’s not progress for Black people. It’s the Jackie Robinson thing. It’s written like he broke a barrier, as if there weren’t Black people that could play before him. And that’s how white people have learned about racism. They think, when these people work hard enough, they’ll be like Jackie. And the real narrative should be that these people, the Black people, are being abused by a group of people that are mentally handicapped. And we’re trying to get them past their mental handicaps to see that all people are equal.

Humanity isn’t progress — it’s only progress for the person that’s taking your humanity. If a woman’s in an abusive relationship and her husband stops beating her, you wouldn’t say she’s made progress, right? But that’s what we do with Black people. We’re constantly told that we’re making progress. The relationship we’re in — the arranged marriage that we’re in — it’s that we’re getting beat less.

Jimmy Fallon drew significant criticism this past spring for a 20-year-old clip of himself playing you in blackface on “Saturday Night Live.” How did you feel about that segment?

Hey, man, I’m friends with Jimmy. Jimmy’s a great guy. And he didn’t mean anything. A lot of people want to say intention doesn’t matter, but it does. And I don’t think Jimmy Fallon intended to hurt me. And he didn’t.

There’s been a wider push to expunge blackface from any movies or TV shows where it previously appeared. Have people taken it too far?

If I say they are, then I’m the worst guy in the world. There’s literally one answer that ends my whole career. Blackface ain’t cool, OK? That’s my quote. Blackface is bad. Who needs it? It’s so sad, we live in a world now where you have to say, I am so against cancer. “I just assumed you liked cancer.” No, no, no, I am so against it. You have to state so many obvious things you’re against.

Who do you hang with these days? Who’s your peer group?

I hang with Dave [Chappelle]. I hang with my kids. I hang with Nelson George. There’s not a lot of hanging in the Covid world. The better question is, who do you FaceTime with?

So who do you FaceTime with?

The other day I realized I’ve never met an elderly person that was cared for by their friends. Every elderly person I know that’s got any trouble is cared for by a spouse or a child. Sometimes they have like five kids but only one helps. Where are your friends? Your friends are probably not going to be there when it really counts. [Laughs.] When my dad was dying in the hospital, where were his friends? My grandmother, where were her friends? Don’t get me wrong, you get sick in your 20s, your friends will come to the hospital. It’s an adventure. [Laughs.] You get sick in your 60s, they farm it out. “You go Wednesday and I’ll go Sunday.”

Enjoy them while you have them. But if you think your friends are your long-term solution to loneliness, you’re an idiot.

[sassyduckqueen]

30 Days of Lukanette- Faded Ink

Damn this was fun to write. Anyway, that's my version of Time Tagger. Hope you like it :D Oh also as a head cannon, I decided Bunnyx has tattoos

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Viperion hummed to himself as he played his lyre. He was sat on the rooftops of Paris, playing the soft music because he was unable to sleep again. The nightmare he had about Cat Noir and his team had turned into a reoccurring one. Every sleeping moment, his mind was plagued with Ladybug's dead expression and those steel blue eyes. He knew she was out on patrol tonight so he had sent her a message, saying they needed to talk and then settled himself here, playing his lyre to help calm himself down. He didn't understand the nightmare. He knew dreams are the mind's way of processing things but other then the slight Lila incident, things had been good. He had gone to the Halloween Party with Marinette. He had dressed as a vampire and she had dressed a witch. Adrien and Kagami were there and had happily greeted them, even commenting how cute they looked together. Alya had gone as a sly fox, which had made him laugh and Nino had dressed up as Viperion. It was a cheap outfit from a halloween store but Luka felt honored. Not that he told Nino that. Rose had dressed up as a bee and had convinced Juleka to dress up as a dark rose. The two of them stuck together for the whole night. Viperion felt a smile come onto his lips as he remembered slow dancing with Marinette but a flash of light and the corpse of Ladybug scrolled across his memory, forcing him to close his eyes and shake his head. The sound of someone landing on the roof caught his attention and he opened his eyes, seeing Ladybug standing there, alive and well. He got up and hugged her, causing her to hug back.

 "Viper, what's wrong? You're shaking like a leaf," She gasped, cupping his face. She frowned as she had never seen him look so bad before. He looked drained, tired and pale. She gently pushed his hair from his eyes. "Have you had a relapse?"

 "N-no..." He muttered before sitting down. She sat next to him but he remained quiet.

 "Then what is it? Your message seemed very urgent," She mumbled, placing her hand on his back. He looked at her and suddenly felt silly. Like he was making a big deal of nothing. "Viper, you can tell me anything. You know that, right?"

 He nodded and moved so he could link hands with her.

 "I've been having trouble sleeping recently," He muttered, making her frown. He looked down as he played with her hand. "To be exact, I have been waking up every night in a cold sweat and that's on a good night. On the bad nights, I literally wake up screaming or crying,"

 "You've been having night terrors?" She asked, confused. "Why didn't you tell me before?"

 "I didn't want to worry you and it's only started in the last week," He replied. "I thought it would go away but it's getting more and more. I close my eyes and I see..."

 "See what?" She asked.

 "It's the same dream, Bug," He muttered, making her frown. "It always starts the same. I'm holding you and sobbing because... because you're dead, bug... you're dead in my arms and I failed to save you,"

 "Viper..."

 "But you're not the only one. Ryuko and Bunnyx are dead as well and I'm the only one who's alive at that moment then I transform back and he comes over. God, his eyes terrify me. He's so much colder then the ice that surrounds us...."

 "Who is?" She asked as tears slid down his face. "Viper, who is it?"

 "I-It's C-Cat but he looks w-wrong..." He muttered, tears rolling down his cheeks. "H-he isn't himself. His eyes aren't green and his outfit isn't black. He's not our black cat anymore. He's a cursed white cat. His eyes are blue and colder then ice... and he killed everyone.... I think he kills me at the end because he points at me and there's this bright white light then I wake up..."

 He was curled up on himself as he cried. Ladybug wrapped her arms around him and stroked his hair.

 "Sshh, it's ok. It's just a bad dream...." She whispered, hugging him. He gently pulled away.

 "I'm n-not sure it is," He muttered. "For one, there was a hero there, whom I've never met but I knew her name. I knew her and I told Sass about it when it first occurred. He told me that on rare occasions, the holders of the snake miraculous could develop a second power that's a sort of side effect to the Second Chance power and that is actually happened once before. He said it was centuries ago but one of his holders developed Premonitions. He could see a rough outline of what was going to happen before it happened..."

 She frowned softly as she looked at him. 

 "It felt so real, Bug and it terrifies me to think... dream or not... that you-"

 "Ssh, I'm not going to die," She smiled softly, cupping his face. "If it is real, we will find a way to save Cat,"

 He didn't say anything, just moved so he was resting his head against her collarbone. She linked her fingers with his as they just sat there, enjoying the moment. 

 "I hope it's just a bad dream," He whispered.

 "Me too,"

 (***)

 "The name's Marinette... I bake Shucets... um... I love drawing and sewing blankets?" Marinette asked as she attempted to rap. Luka smiled at her encouragingly.

 "Come on, come on," Alya grinned as the game ended, making them all laugh. 

 "I'm so bad at this game," She laughed. "You want a go, Luka?"

 "Nah, I'm good," He smiled as Chris, Nino's little brother, walked over and sat down, looking sad. "You ok?"

 "What's up? You don't want to play with my sisters anymore?" Alya asked, as Luka poked Marinette softly in the cheek, causing her to swat his hand away as he grinned cheekily.

 "I'm not a baby anymore," Chris whined before looking at the three of them. "Can I play freestyle crash 2 with you?"

 "Come on, Chris. It's a game for big kids. You know that," Marinette replied, making Chris frown and fold his arms in annoyance. 

 "That's what you always say," He huffed but before Marinette could reply, both her and Luka noticed a plane shaped flock of pigeons flying towards the musem.

 "Great," Luka muttered.

 "Ur... again!" She gasped as they both got up. "Alya, can you handle these three on your own? I just remembered I promised my dad I'd try out his new Macron reciept!"

 "Sorry, I have to go too," Luka gasped. "I said I'd help Rose with a new song and I have a shift later on that I need to get ready for,"

 "Hmm sounds yummy. Maybe we could all come over with you and try it out if that's ok?" Alya suggested. 

 "Um my dad gets all weird and shy and-" She gasped but Alya looked from Luka to Marinette and grinned. 

 "Sure," She grinned. "Have fun, you two and don't do anything I wouldn't do!"

 "Alya!" Marinette gasped before they both speed walked out of the park and hid behind a pillar before looking at Luka. "Maybe it would be easier just to tell her?"

 "Well, she said she didn't want to know," He replied as Sass and Tikki flew up.

 "That reciept excuse wasn't your best one yet,"

 "A song and a shift really?"

 "Hey, we're both running out of excuses," Luka pointed out. "Sass, scales slither!"

 "We've needed so many this week," Marinette sighed as he transformed. "Tikki, Spots on!"

 As soon as she transformed, the two heroes made their way across the rooftops. They landed in front of the musem where Cat Noir and Ryuko already were, looking serious unamused as Mr Pigeon made a threat, demanding Ladybug and Cat Noir hand over their miraculouses. 

 "No need to brief you two on this one, right?" Cat sighed. 

 "How much times has he been akumatized this week?" Viperion asked.

 "23," Ryuko sighed. "Shall we get this over and done with?"

 "Yep. Lucky charm," Ladybug replied, summoning her charm. "Think we'll need second chance?"

 "Unlikely," Viperion replied.

 "Ok," Cat Noir replied, holding out his hand. "Cataclysm,"

 The four of them ran into battle, easily defeating Mr Pigeon. He tried his best to put up a struggle but in the end, they defeated him. Ladybug caught the akuma and purified it.

 "Bye, bye, Little Butterfly," She muttered, freeing it as Mr Pigeon turned back into Mr Ramier, who looked around confused.

 "Please don't tell me it happened again," He sighed as they helped him up.

 "It's ok, Mr Ramier," Ladybug muttered. "We're always here to bring you back to the good side,"

 "Hmm," He frowned before seeing the ice cream stand. "Can I buy you four ice cream to make up for it?"

 Cat Noir looked at his ring and shrugged.

 "Since we keep getting better at this, we have a few minutes before we transform," He stated.

 "And me and Snake boy haven't used our powers yet," Ryuko pointed out, getting a nod of Viperion.

 "Dragon girl's right,"

 "Hm... why not?" Ladybug smiled. They followed Mr Ramier to the stand.

 "Five ice creams, please," He smiled. Andre picked out perfect favors for all them as Mr Ramier paid before they all sat down and began to eat the ice cream. "I'm really sorry. I just can't help it. Whenever something happens to my beloved pigeons, it breaks my heart and then-"

 "Hawkmoth akumatizes you again,"

 "Yeah, we know,"

 "There must be so way to stop this from happening again," Ladybug sighed as Viperion finished his ice cream. The sound of beeping made both her and Cat frown before the four heroes got up.

 "We need to get going," Cat smiled. 

 "Thanks for the ice cream, Mr Ramier," Ladybug nodded.

 "You're welcome," Mr Ramier smiled as the four heroes walked away. The four of them did their fist bump and went to head off but suddenly a green portal appeared and a young man who resembled a rapper jumped out of it. 

 "Yo! I'm Time Tagger from the future, man. I criss-cross time with a spray paint can," He rapped, moving his hand to his beat. Viperion rose an eyebrow. "Looks like your time's up at last cause I'm send you way back to the past!"

 He pointed his spray paint gun and fired it on the ground, creating a stamp before firing at Mr Ramier, who disappeared into a portal. A few seconds later, a huge statue appeared in the middle of the square. 

 "Viperion," Ladybug stated, causing him to nod as Cat read what the statue said. 

 "Second Chance," He stated as he pushed the head of the snake back. The akumatized rapper began to shoot his time stamp all over the place.

 "Only one minute left," Ladybug stated.

 "No time to lose," Cat agreed, charging at him and slamming his baton towards the villain, only for him to disappear. Viperion frowned to himself.

 "Ladybug and Cat Noir, now you're stuck. If you wanna catch me then ha... good luck," He rapped before shooting at Ryuko, who disappeared. Viperion pushed the head back off the snake, resetting the moment. 

 "Only one minute left," Ladybug stated.

 "No time to lose," Cat agreed, charging at him and slamming his baton towards the villain, only for him to disappear. Viperion frowned to himself.

 "Ladybug and Cat Noir, now you're stuck. If you wanna catch me then ha... good luck," He rapped but before he could shoot at Ryuko, Viperion threw his lyre at him, knocking him back at little. "Not cool, man!"

 He suddenly disappeared and then suddenly, Viperion found himself in a completely different Paris with people staring at him. Judging by the way they were dressed, it was Paris but in the 1800s.

 "Damn it," He replied before pushing the head back.

 "Only one minute left," Ladybug stated.

 "No time to lose," Cat agreed, charging at him and slamming his baton towards the villain, only for him to disappear. Viperion frowned to himself.

 "Ladybug and Cat Noir, now you're stuck. If you wanna catch me then ha... good luck," He rapped but this time, Viperion threw his lyre but as it hit him, he turned to Ryuko.

 "Ryuko! Now!"

 "Lightening dragon!" She shouted, turning into the element as Cat Noir and Ladybug jumped at him. Viperion grabbed his lyre as the boy disappeared before dodge rolling out of the way when he fired at him. The fire hit a woman and send her back in time, changing the billboard next to her.

 "Less then one minute left," Cat gasped as Time Tagger disappeared again.

 "All I have to do is go back in time to escape with a laugh and rapid rhyme," He rapped as he reappeared.

 "He's going back in time," Viperion stated as Ladybug and Cat Noir tried to capture him but fell as he disappeared. He helped her up while Ryuko helped up Cat. "We can't land a hit on him and unlike him, you two are almost out of time,"

 "Then we need to get some back," Ladybug stated, running towards Time Tagger with the others. He disappeared but they kept running and headed into the museum. Ladybug rushed off into the girl's bathroom with Ryuko and Cat headed into the boys' with Viperion. He locked himself in a stall as a green light appeared. 

 "You should recharge Sass too," He stated from the stall.

 "Good thinking," Viperion agreed. "Sass, Scales rest,"

 He caught the little snake and fed him some food.

 "So he's from the future," Luka stated.

 "Seems to be," Adrien replied. "Looks like me and Ladybug are still a team but he didn't mention you,"

 "True but the goal is never about getting mine or Ryuko's miraculous," He replied before looking at Sass. "You ready?"

 "Yesss," 

 "Alright. Sass! Scales Slither!"

 "Plagg! Claws Out!" Cat came out of the stall and the two heroes exited as Ryuko and Ladybug joined them before the four of them ran towards the exit again, only to be knocked down by Alix. Viperion landed on top of Ladybug but held himself up so he wouldn't crush her.

 "You ok?" He asked as they got up before looking at Alex. She looked at them in surprise and glee as Cat dusted himself down.

 "Crazy!" She declared. "So the message was for real,"

 "What message?" Ladybug asked as she pulled out her silver pocket watch and helped it up to the heroes.

 "This watch has been in my family forever and it's never chimed until today!" She gasped, excitedly, holding out the watch. "And there was a message for you, Ladybug!"

 "Huh?" Ladybug gasped as she took the watch and opened it. 

 "Nice work, Mini bug. You're right on time," A voice from the watch said, causing everyone to stare at it. "Now dig as deep as you can into the past and you will find the rabbit burrow,"

 "Dig deep into the past?" Ladybug questioned, thinking. "Any ideas?"

 "Not right now," Viperion admitted.

 "Did you also inherit a shovel to go with your watch by any chance?" Cat joked but everyone just glared at him, especially Alix. "Um... shovel... you know for all that deep digging,"

 "Of course!" Ladybug gasped. "What's the oldest exhibit in the museum?"

 "The Egyptian Collection," Alix replied, proudly. "My old man says some of it dates back more then 5000 years,"

 "Then that's where we need to go!" Ladybug declared. "Alix, lead the way,"

 "Alright!" She grinned, skating off. The heroes followed her and came to the collection. Ladybug started to knock around the stuff before she found an obelisk that sounded hallowed. Cat Noir rushed over and used his power, destroying it and revealing a woman dressed in a bunny themed outfit. Viperion stumbled back in fear and shock, knocking into a vase and causing it to break, making Ladybug to look over at him as the bunny girl yawned.

 "Mini bug! Kitty! Dragon girl! Mini snake! I knew you'd solve my riddle!" She gasped, jumping down. "A basic security measure in case the watch got stolen. Oh, mini snake, you look pale. The dreams have started, haven't they?"

 "Dreams?" Cat asked, looking at him as she studied at him. 

 "Hmm... you've only been having them for a week," She muttered.

 "I... yes..." He frowned, causing the others to frown. "I've been having night terrors-"

 "They're not night terrors. They're premonitions of something that's going to happen and I'm sorry, mini snake but you'll have to live through it to solve it," She frowned, patting his back.

 "Can you not help us?"

 "I can't. I'm sorry but my time line is a bit messed up. I'm from the future you see. I've already lived through that event and I know how it goes down but if I help you here and now with it, then that timeline won't happen," She explained, placing her hand on his shoulder. "So let's focus on this mission. I need to do something very important!"

 With that, she rushed off and they followed her before coming to the bathroom.

 "Excuse me," She disappeared inside as Viperion leaned against the wall. Ryuko leaned next to him as Cat Noir frowned and Ladybug paced.

 "So nightmares hm?" She asked.

 "I don't want to talk about it, Drake," He muttered, making her frown as Alix comes over.

 "Sometimes I get nightmares and so I talk to my dad about them. He thinks I'm nuts but the point is it helps to talk about them," She smiled, making him smile a little. "So what are they about?"

 "Everyone dying," He sighed, making them both frown. "I see Cat but he isn't himself-"

 "Is... Is he white with blue eyes?" Alix asked suddenly, causing him and Cat to frown.

 "Yeah. How did you know that?"

 "And everyone is dead and it's Paris but it's all cold and icy," She continues, making him frown. "I've had that dream every night for about a week. In the dream, I see her,"

 She points to the toilet, causing Ladybug to stop pacing and listen.

 "And you guys are fighting Cat Noir but he's not the Cat everyone know and then Ladybug gets hit and you're holding her, sobbing then Bunnyx gets hit by this bright light and I wake up, screaming in bed... I just thought they were dreams but-"

 "They're not," He replied, frowning. "But why are you getting them too?"

 "Well, rest assured guys," Cat grinned. "I'm not gonna go evil,"

 "That will because of me and Cat, you won't be able to help it," Bunnyx replied, coming out of the bathroom. "Allow me to explain how I got in that obelisk. This will also help you understand why you're getting those dreams. My name is Bunnyx. In the future, I'm a member of Ladybug and Cat Noir's team of superheroes. Well, the Ladybug and Cat Noir that you're gonna become cause you're more like mini bug and kitty noir right now.  Don't worry, mini snake and dragon girl. You're still a major part of the team. Anyway, within the team, I am the hero of the last chance, not to be confused with mini snake's power of second chance. I'm called upon when everyone else has failed, that includes you four,"

 "Hey, we just got you out of the stone, didn't we?" Cat pointed out. "Which means you must of failed too,"

 "Yes... well, no... it was actually your fault or more precisely, it will be," She replied, causing Cat to shrug. "In the future, one of your cataclysms will accidentally damage my miraculous. That's how Time Tagger will send me to ancient Egypt and get me stuck in stone,"

 She handed her broken miraculous to Ladybug, who frowned. 

 "Wait... then how are we gonna do that without the rabbit miraculous?" Ladybug asked, looking up at Bunnyx. She turned to Alix.

 "Do you have the watch?" She asked.

 "My watch?"

 "Yes. My watch, our watch," Bunnyx replied, causing Alix to take it out. She looked at it before slowly giving to Bunnyx. She hestiated, looking at her before getting a nod off the superhero. She placed it in her hand and instantly the watch transformed into the rabbit miraculous.

 "So this was a miraculous?" 

 "In camouflage mode," Ladybug gasped.

 "Fluff, counter clockwise," Bunnyx declared, turning into an adult version of Alix as everyone looked on in shock. 

 "But you are-" Alix gasped as the rabbit kwami bounced around them.

 "So mini me. You get it now," She grinned. "You're me and I'm you. Well, more precisely, I'm you when you grow up but that's why you've been getting those dreams. They're premonitions of an event that's to come and a side effect from miraculous that deal with time. That's why you've been getting them too, Mini snake. Of course, yours are lot stronger then ours. Our power is only to create portals through time. Yours is resetting time and as you know, you're the only person who remembers what happened. That's why mini me dreams that vision as if she is watching the event where as your dreams... I would guess they're in first person,"

 "Wow! I can't believe how cool I'm gonna be when I'm older!" Alix grinned, clearly excited. Ladybug frowned as she tried to wrap her head around this.

 "But wait... none of this makes sense... I never gave you... I mean her... I mean I never gave either of you the miraculous,"

 "You haven't given it to us yet, mini bug cause you haven't yet realized how awesome I really am," She grinned as Fluff appeared on her shoulder. "But don't worry. You will one day,"

 "I'm gonna get a miraculous! So cool!" Alix declared, making Ladybug smile as Bunnyx looked over at Fluff.

 "Fluff, snack time," She smiled, holding out a carrot. "You have to recharge your batteries,"

 The little rabbit ate it in a second.

 "Was that breakfast or dinner? What time will it be yesterday?" She asked, spinning upside down. "Is it tomorrow already? When it'll be the day after tomorrow, it will be yesterday again,"

 "That miraculous seems so powerful," Cat pointed out. "How comes we don't use it more often?"

 "Because travelling through time is very dangerous," She replied. "Interfering with events can have serious consequences,"

 A small beeping noise got Cat's attention.

 "Oops. Time for me to feed my kwami too," He grinned, rushing off.

 "I don't understand," Ladybug pointed out. "If you're from the future then you've gotta know how this all ends. You're younger self has seen it with her own eyes, which means you obviously know how to defeat Time Tagger,"

 "Actually, I've been in stone for so long I barely remember but I think the logical thing to do would be to take Time Tagger back to the future where he can be defeated by heroes his own size. I'll take care of this!"

 "Awesome!"

 "One thing I remember for sure is," She muttered, pulling a thinking face. "Mini me has to be there when I defeat time tagger. If she's still in my memory then she must play an vital role,"

 "Good, I wasn't planning on sitting on the bench this time!" Alix declared as future Alix took held out the watch.

 "Fluff! Clockwise!" She shouted out, causing Fluff to get sucked into the miraculous. She swiped her hand over her eyes, creating her mask then spun round and held her left hand. A blue glow slid across it, revealing her costume. She span round, creating the costume as she did. She put the watch in a pocket then pulled ears from her hair before holding out her left hand. A spinning ray of blue light appeared and transformed into the umbrella before she grabbed it and swiped it around. She opened it and striked a pose, finishing the transformation as Cat returned. The six of them ran as fast as they could towards the exit but not before Cat Noir stopped.

 "Ur guys you should take a look at this now!" He gasped, pointing to the artifacts. They all ran over and gasped.

 "Jagged?!" Viperion gasped as he saw him on a banner.

 "Time Tagger must have sent him back in time,"

 "Not just him. That's Nadja Chamack! Andre Glacier! Mayor Bourgeois!" Alix gasped as artifacts around them changed. Ladybug frowned deeply.

 "He's destroying our present by rewriting the past," Viperion stated.

 "Bunnyx, since the future me hasn't been able to stop Time Tagger coming here, I must not be that powerful," Ladybug frowned, causing Bunnyx to gasp in shock.

 "Are you kidding? You're... I mean you will be an awesome team leader, the great superhero ever!" She gasped, holding onto her shoulders. 

 "Then how do you explain Time Tagger?" Ladybug frowned.

 "I told you earlier. If Cat Noir hadn't cataclysm-ed my miraculous, Time Tagger wouldn't be here," She explained, looking at her. "In the future, you've defeated Doctor Sadness, the Ecliptic invaders, Pain and Tears the Twin Queens of the Inter-dimension and Nobestia, the evil sister of Megestia so believe me, you're not gonna be intidated by time tagger," She grinned. "Oh and I even forgot Monsieur Rat,"

 "Monsieur Rat?" Ladybug questioned.

 "You can always count on Ladybug!" Bunnyx grinned. "With her around, there's always a solution,"

 "How will I ever get to be like that?" She mumbled, looking down.

 "By growing up, Mini Bug," Bunnyx reassured as Cat Noir walked over.

 "Tell me, Bunnyx... are me and Ruyko still romantically attatched?" He asked, grinning.

 "Cat!" Ladybug scorned as Viperion shook his head and Ruyko shook her head. Bunnyx laughed.

 "Spoilers but I can tell you that you're both happy with your choices," She winked. "Let's get going!"

 The heroes all headed out and came to a stop, as Bunnyx frowned.

 "Looks like Time Tagger's been busy," Ryuko pointed out.

 "He's had enough time to spin a giant time web around us," Bunnyx frowned.

 "Meaning he can attack us from anywhere?" Cat asked.

 "More like from any time," Bunnyx replied as Time Tagger appeared.

 "Give me your miraclous, don't make me ask. It's pretty clear you're not up to the task," He rapped, causing them to roll their eyes. "When I bring them to Hawkmoth's door, Ladybug and Cat girl will be no more,"

 Cat took out his baton and spun it as Viperion went to push the head of the snake but Bunnyx stopped both of them.

 "Stay where you are. I'll deal with him and take him back to the future you," She stated. "It means nothing must happen to you in the mean time,"

 "Don't you want a reset?" Viperion asked but she shook her head.

 "I can return back from any point in time," She grinned before grabbing her younger self. "But first,"

 She jumped over to the ice cream stand and placed Alix down there before summoning her power. She jumped through a white orb and came on of another before she and Time Tagger continuously fought as the heroes watched on.

 "She doesn't need to transform back before she uses her power again," Cat gasped in shock.

 "No, because she's an adult," Ladybug confirmed.

 "I can't wait to grow up!" Cat declared as she whacked Time Tagger good. Viperion could see Cat Noir getting impatient and gave him a warning look as the two of them battled it out. She got some in but so did he. She almost threw him into a burrow but he disappeared and teased her with a rhythm before kicking her hard. She dived back into a burrow and landed a kick to his head. He bounced back and disappeared before tripping her up. He teased her again, calling her fluffy tail as they teleported across the web.

 "I can't stand watching them play Cat and Mouse like this," Cat sighed. "Cataclysm!"

 "Cat! Wait!" Viperion gasped.

 "Cat Noir! No!" Ladybug gasped as he ran at Time Tagger, who disappeared. Cat lost his foot and almost touched Bunnyx's umbrella but she moved out the way and he fell, keeping his hand away from anything before he got up.

 "See?! In the future, that's exactly how you damage my miraculous," She gasped before hitting Time Tagger through a burrow as he appeared out of no where. "I knew it! I knew you were going to do that! Who's the best now huh?"

 She grinned before turning to Cat Noir and the others.

 "Thanks for your involuntary help, my young friends!" She bowed before straightening up. "Now Bunnyx is going home!"

 A burrow appeared but she suddenly stopped and frowned as she looked around. 

 "Wait! This isn't the exact right moment," She muttered as the burrow disappeared. Time Tagger suddenly appeared and shot at her, causing her to disappear. 

 "Enjoy your trip to the ice age, fluffy tail," He grinned before pointing the gun at them. "We've wasted enough time. Give me your miraclous now!"

 At that point, a burrow appeared and Bunnyx stepped through shivering. The two of them started to fight again with Time Tagger sending her back to Cretaceous era and then forward to the future.

 "Maybe we should help her after all,"

 "You heard her! She's the only one who can solve this time problem. She can do it," Alix declared, pumping her fist in the air. "Go Bunnyx,"

 Time Tagger sent her back again and she reappeared, smoking before she aimed at him, only for him to trip her up. 

 "Sorry, Mini Bug. I just can't," She frowned, looking down. "Looks like I don't have a soluation after all,"

 "Urg... what if today is the day we grow?" Ladybug declared. "Viper, a save point please,"

 "You got it, Bug," He grinned, flicking the head of his bracelet. "Second Chance!"

 "Alright!" Alix grinned as Ladybug summoned her lucky charm. A note pad appeared out of thin air and she caught it.

 "What am I suppose to do with this?" She mumbled.

 "You work it out. We'll keep him busy!" Ryuko declared, charging at him. 

 "Ryuko, that way! Bug, try and work it out!" He ordered, pulling Bunnyx aside before throwing his Lyre at Time Tagger. Time Tagger aimed a hit at him and sent him back in time. He pushed the head back on his bracelet and opened his eyes.

 "Alright!" Alix grinned as Ladybug summoned her lucky charm. A note pad appeared out of thin air and she caught it.

 "What am I suppose to do with this?" She mumbled.

 "You work it out. We'll keep him busy!" Ryuko declared, charging at him. 

 "Ryuko, that way! Bug, try and work it out!" He ordered, pulling Bunnyx aside before throwing his Lyre at Time Tagger. Time Tagger aimed a hit at him but he dodged it this time.

 "Wind Dragon!" Ryuko shouted, sweeping Time Tagger off his feet before he suddenly disappeared and shot her. Viperion frowned and pushed the head back again.

 "Alright!" Alix grinned as Ladybug summoned her lucky charm. A note pad appeared out of thin air and she caught it.

 "What am I suppose to do with this?" She mumbled.

 "You work it out. We'll keep him busy!" Ryuko declared, charging at him. 

 "Ryuko, that way! Bug, try and work it out!" He ordered, pulling Bunnyx aside before throwing his Lyre at Time Tagger. Time Tagger aimed a hit at him but he dodged it this time.

 "Wind Dragon!" Ryuko shouted, sweeping Time Tagger off his feet before he suddenly disappeared. Before he could send her back in time, Viperion threw his lyre at him and landed a punch but Time Tagger disappeared and he got hit again. He pushed the head back again before opening his eyes.

 "Alright!" Alix grinned as Ladybug summoned her lucky charm. A note pad appeared out of thin air and she caught it.

 "What am I suppose to do with this?" She mumbled.

 "You work it out. We'll keep him busy!" Ryuko declared, charging at him but this time, he stopped her, making her look confused. "What are you doing?"

 "Letting it play out," He replied. 

 "What are you gonna do with that? Sign a defeat treaty!" Time Tagger laughed before pointing his gun at Bunnyx. "Now give me your miraclous or I get rid of your friend by sending her back to the big bang,"

 "Alright, you win. We'll give you our miraclous," Ladybug frowned, looking defeated.

 "I want the dragon and the snake too," Time Tagger declared.

 "Fine but all I ask is you give me a little bit of time to write an letter to apologize to my future self," She sighed, defeated.

 "Bug..." Viperion gasped, looking at her but somehow, this felt right.

 "Mi'lady, you can't!" Cat gasped. "Think of something! You always think of something!"

 "Fair enough, Ladybug," Time Tagger declared. "Wish granted,"

 "I don't have a pen. Can anyone lend me on please?" She asked, looking down. Alix produced one from her bag and handed it to Ladybug. She looked around and started to draw something.

 "Time's up," Time Tagger grinned. "My moment of victory has arrived,"

 "Oh. I can't find the words," Ladybug sighed. "It's pointless anyway. I won't even be ladybug in the future once we give up our miraculous," 

 "Please don't do this, Mini Bug!" Bunnyx gasped as Ladybug walked over to her.

 "Some problems simply don't have a solution," She stopped in front of her. "Go back to your time stream, Bunnyx. Make the most of your remaining time,"

 "No! I refused! I-" Ladybug placed her hand on her shoulder and knelt down next to her. She said something to her and then Bunnyx stood up and hugged her. Viperion frowned deeply as she dived into a burrow. Ladybug turned around and faced her friends.

 "Come on. We better give him our miraculous," She stated as the other three walked over. She took Viperion's hand and making sure all three of them could see her, she winked. They all walked over to him and stopped as he laughed before he walked over.

 "Your earrings are mine, baby bug. Oh, snake boy, keep your hands up. Don't want you resting the timeline now and Kitty Noir, cataclysm this so I can safely take your miraculous after I've got hers," He ordered, handing the pencil to Cat. "And Dragon girl, don't go changing into an element now,"

 He smirked as he reached for her earrings but a yoyo wrapped around his hands and dragged him over to a new burrow. Cat Noir's baton knocked his gun from it's holder and then Ladybug charged at it, grabbing it and throwing it to Cat Noir, who caught it with his cataclysm. With the akuma freed, she purified the butterfly and Time Tagger returned to his normal form as she helped him up.

 "Ladybug? Cat Noir? You guys are so young," He gasped, confused. "Where am I?"

 "The question should be more when are you?" Cat grinned as Bunnyx exited from the burrow. 

 "Come on, Chris. Let's go home," She smiled, walking away with him. He went through the burrow.

 "See, girl. We did it," The voice of the future ladybug declared. "We always will,"

 "Hey future Ladybug! When do I get my miraclous?!" Alix asked.

 "When you're as cool as I am, Mini me," Bunnyx grinned before everyone went to wave at her but Viperion's wave wasn't great. In fact, he still looked pale and fearful. She smiled though as she knew he would do something about it.

 "Hey, Mini Noodle," A male voice suddenly got Viperion's attention. A guitar pick suddenly appeared from the burrow and he caught it, looking at it with surprise. "Don't forget that there's always a solution to every problem. You just gotta be a wise old snake and learn from your mistakes"

 He looked up and saw sparkling green eyes next to sparkling blue eyes.

 "Come on, cotton tail! Me and Bug ha-"

 "Spoilers, you damned noodle!" With that, Bunnyx jumped into the burrow and Ladybug fixed everything. Cat Noir walked over and smiled.

 "Hey, about me going evil and all," He smiled, looking at the snake boy. "I wouldn't worry about it too much. The future isn't set in stone. Besides, Ladybug will always save the day. Right, Mi'lady?"

 "Right," Ladybug grinned as Viperion looked at the guitar pick. On one side, there was the ladybug symbol and on the other side the snake symbol. He smiled to himself before he tucked it away.

 "Whatever happens. I just gotta remember there's a solution for everything,"

[stevenuniversallyreviews]

Episode 82: Barn Mates

“Things didn't exactly work out for either of us.”

The biggest shame of the infamous leaked promo of this episode is how shocking the premise was even five episodes ago. Peridot and Lapis Lazuli both began as antagonists, even if the former was on the road to reforming and the latter was sympathetic in her opposition to the Crystal Gems. An episode focusing on the first two new Gems we met, butting heads but not outright fighting, was something that would’ve been difficult to see coming without Cartoon Network deciding to make it easy to see coming. I’m not about to knock the episode itself for something out of its control, but it’s worth making a note of because of how damaging spoiled content can be for the enjoyment of a story, even years after the fact. I’m so grateful I avoided the mega leak of Season 5, I’d have been devastated.

Anyway. Peridot and Lapis. Two outcasts, both with exceptional debuts and wildly different arcs, together again at last. While it’s been established that Lapis doesn’t get along with anyone but Steven, we haven’t seen her interact with any character but Steven for any extended period of time. And it turns out she’s a huge jerk! This isn’t a criticism, it makes perfect sense that she’s a huge jerk, but it’s fascinating that Peridot, who began as an outright villain and was an antisocial mess even after allying with the Crystal Gems, is the one who has our sympathies. She’s grown, but Lapis hasn’t.

Barn Mates at times feels perfunctory, leaning into traditional sitcom tropes like splitting a room in half and sticking to a formulaic “series of failures until a success” structure. It’s paced like Kindergarten Kid in this regard, and owes a lot to the Looney Tunes formula of using the full runtime to tell a series of jokes, with the key difference being that the more hapless character in the pair (the Daffy Duck to the slick Bugs Bunny) gets a happy ending.

Still, it’s effective in telling a story about two characters that were bound to clash. While the episode makes clear that part of the issue is a failure to communicate, I think what matters more is that Peridot never genuinely apologizes to Lapis. She wants Lapis to understand that she’s changed, but she hasn’t changed enough to realize how important it is to say sorry and to mean it. The culminating speech is more about wanting to help Lapis through a rough transition, which is still nice, but it makes sense that Lapis remains mad at someone who appears to have no regrets about wronging her.

Steven at least pays lip service to the idea of Peridot apologizing, and she does try in her tone deaf letter, but we never get the sense that remorse is an actual factor at play. A lesson downplaying the importance of apologies isn’t ideal, but Peridot isn’t an ideal person, but I think Barn Mates gets by thanks to her ability to sincerely explain what she does feel, which is a sense of kinship with Lapis and the desire to help someone in the way she was helped. Even three seasons in, it’s still refreshing to see that this show is more interested in realistic and relatable characters than morals of the week.  

Now, communication failure still matters here, and Peridot’s last gesture is her most interesting in this regard. While I normally appreciate subtlety on this show (and most shows), I actually think it’s a missed opportunity that Peridot’s “What, were you trapped in a tape recorder too!?” wasn’t met with any variant of “Uh, yes.” Because, yeah, that’s pretty much what Lapis was up to during her imprisonment in The Mirror, and making this clear not only to younger audience members but to Steven and Peridot would continue the episode’s motif of Peridot’s intentions missing the mark in concrete ways. Her letter doubles down on the notion that Lapis was more valuable for her knowledge than herself, the lake clumsily forgets that Lapis was trapped underwater until like yesterday, and the recorder just as clumsily forgets about Lapis’s longtime inability to speak outside of recordings. It may be fun to “get it” when a plot point is subtle, but I think the episode would benefit from a more explicit escalation.

Especially because without this clear connection to Lapis’s past, her destruction of the recorder and response to Peridot’s heartfelt speech about not being alone goes from understandably irked to outright malicious. Her attitude makes sense, but it’s jarring to see her swing this far from who she was in Same Old World without a solid explanation. 

This may be an episode about a tense argument, but this is still Zuke’n’Florido, so we get a ton of laughs to grease the wheels. Steven has moved from his Guitar Dad style to classic “kid who got into anime” style, and god bless him, he can’t draw hands. This is the sort of characterizing humor I come here for.

It’s already established that these two boarders excel at writing for Peridot, who shines in her new conspiratorial role with Steven. But I’m so glad this is the team that introduces us to Peridot and Lapis as a pair: two ornery misfits, one small and antsy, the other tall and angsty, who somehow manage to get along. Lapis may be less overtly comedic than Peridot, but she’s so dramatic in the face of Peridot’s goofiness that the tension itself becomes funny. This is also the premiere of Lapis as the world’s driest water witch: Jennifer Paz’s “But...thanks...for the lake” is a deliciously brutal punchline.

Peridot may have grown a lot since her debut, she’s not exactly at the finish line. Again, she displays no remorse and is bad at communicating, but there’s something so perfectly Peridot about spending an episode trying furiously and impatiently to explain that she’s empathetic and patient now. Even after she puts Lapis’s needs first, she comes right back to make it all about herself. This wouldn’t have been half the episode it is if Peridot had any idea how to be a good friend. 

It might be convenient that outside forces come right on time to bring Lapis and Peridot to an understanding, but there was no realistic way that Lapis would ever come around without interference. She’s still super messed up, so it’d be a bit ridiculous for her to start trusting someone who betrayed her after a few faulty gestures and a speech. I love that after an episode of simmering anger, it’s only with an outburst of rage directed at the Roaming Eye that Lapis is finally able to connect a little with Peridot: this isn’t a perfect relationship, and it shouldn’t get off to a perfect start.

Barn Mates has a far different tone than Same Old World or Hit the Diamond, so it’s amazing how seamlessly the three episodes fit together thanks to back-to-back cliffhangers. What’s even more impressive is that this is the second episode in the row that’s largely setup (what Same Old World is to Lapis’s arc, Barn Mates is to Lapis and Peridot’s relationship) but feels watchable in a vacuum. I’ve said before and I’ll probably say again that I wasn’t huge on the first two episodes of this season, but the World/Mates/Diamond trilogy more than makes up for it.  

If every pork chop were perfect, we wouldn’t have inconsistencies…

How is this episode not called Space Invaders? It’s about two aliens literally invading each others’ space, and ends with a UFO dropping by. It even fits in with our next episode’s title belying its non-cosmic plot. Come on, people.

I’ve never been to this…how do you say…school?

So is Steven a teacher or an administrator in this universe? Either way, this is a great picture.

We’re the one, we’re the ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!

The formulaic vignettes and Lapis’s understandable but off-putting attitude would, in most cases, place this pretty low on the rewatch list. And let’s be clear, it isn’t super high either. But it’s saying a lot that an episode with so much theoretically going against it can be this enjoyable.

Top Fifteen

Steven and the Stevens

Mirror Gem

Lion 3: Straight to Video

Alone Together

The Return

Jailbreak

The Answer

Sworn to the Sword

Rose’s Scabbard

Coach Steven

Giant Woman

Winter Forecast

When It Rains

Catch and Release

Chille Tid

Love ‘em

Laser Light Cannon

Bubble Buddies

Tiger Millionaire

Lion 2: The Movie

Rose’s Room

An Indirect Kiss

Ocean Gem

Space Race

Garnet’s Universe

Warp Tour

The Test

Future Vision

On the Run

Maximum Capacity

Marble Madness

Political Power

Full Disclosure

Joy Ride

Keeping It Together

We Need to Talk

Cry for Help

Keystone Motel

Back to the Barn

Steven’s Birthday

It Could’ve Been Great

Message Received

Log Date 7 15 2

Same Old World

Like ‘em

Gem Glow

Frybo

Arcade Mania

So Many Birthdays

Lars and the Cool Kids

Onion Trade

Steven the Sword Fighter

Beach Party

Monster Buddies

Keep Beach City Weird

Watermelon Steven

The Message

Open Book

Story for Steven

Shirt Club

Love Letters

Reformed

Rising Tides, Crashing Tides

Onion Friend

Historical Friction

Friend Ship

Nightmare Hospital

Too Far

Barn Mates

Enh

Cheeseburger Backpack

Together Breakfast

Cat Fingers

Serious Steven

Steven’s Lion

Joking Victim

Secret Team

Say Uncle

Super Watermelon Island

Gem Drill

No Thanks!

     5. Horror Club      4. Fusion Cuisine      3. House Guest      2. Sadie’s Song      1. Island Adventure

[thedeaditeslayer]

The cast of ‘Ash vs. Evil Dead’ visit aTVfest to talk special effects and cult-classics.

“Ash vs. Evil Dead” is back for a third season and fans of the cult-classic horror franchise came out to aTVfest on Feb. 2 to check out a sneak peak of the new season. The Connector got to sit down with some of the cast and talk a little bit about how they became a part of the iconic gorefest and how the movies have evolved into the series we have today.

First, we spoke to Arielle Carver-O’Neill (Brandy Barr) and Lindsay Farris (Dalton), two of the newer additions to the cast but whose characters have roots in the original films.

The Connector: How do you like Atlanta, and are you looking forward to the panel coming up?

Farris: I’m a bit of a cold weather guy, but I’m from the beach on the central coast in Australia so it’s kind of nice to just get the big coats out.

Carver-O’Neill: I am so excited for the panel because I am so jet-lagged right now. Coffee is not going to do a thing, but the adrenaline from the crowd I’m hoping will be like a jump-start.

Farris: There’s nothing quite like it.

Carver-O’neill: No there isn’t. I’m just excited for that so I can finally feel awake.

The Connector: This is such a popular cult-classic series, what was it like getting to participate in something like this? And, do you guys feel the pressure of this as a monumental series for people?

Farris: I’m really excited because I play Dalton, who is one of the descendants of the Knights of Sumeria, so with me I get bring this whole brand new mythology. So, it was going back and studying the films and studying the TV show and kind of trying to find things that I could plant as little easter eggs for fans, for the die-hard fans if they keep an eye out. There’s some things in there I think the fans will enjoy and it was exciting to bring that to life.

The Connector: That’s awesome. That’s definitely a dream job, getting to study the Evil Dead films.

Farris: Absolutely man. Because Rob Tapert, Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell are still involved in the whole thing, you’re trying to honor that legacy and honor the fans but you also have the original creators and collaborators. It’s not just a stick on top, it’s the guts of the old-school.

Carver-O’Neill: It’s legitimate. It is an honor being a part of something so iconic, and there is a certain amount of pressure in playing Ash’s daughter. I was very nervous going in there. Because you know how much people love it and how dedicated they are. You don’t want to disappoint anybody, but at the end of the day, you can only give it all you can and do your absolute best and kind of leave it there and just have fun. The first thing that Bruce said to me when I met him was, “if you’re not having fun, you’re doing it wrong.” And that was something that I needed to remind myself of and keep doing, because it was so much fun to be a part of because you really are in the world. They’ve built these incredible sets, so you’re in it for real. Even though you are playing pretend, there’s something genuine about it. And, that is an incredible and inspiring situation to be in.

The Connector: Is that conducive as actors to your performance? Is it genuinely scary?

Carver-O’Neill: Yes. [laughs]

The Connector: I would think because of the increase in production value and the practical effects, is it almost easier to affect other personalities?

Carver-O’Neill: It does make it a bit easier. There is less to imagine. There are certain things with monsters and the blood and all that sort of stuff, it is practical effects most of the time, but you still do need to imagine someone actually getting parts of their limbs chopped off or, getting chainsawed in the stomach. It’s obviously not really happening, so your imagination is necessary, but it does get very scary. Brock’s house in particular is quite a terrifying set.

Farris: Yeah, they built the whole house.

Carver-O’Neill: They built the whole house — it creaks, and there are stains from the previous seasons on the walls and it feels creepy. I would not want to be there alone at night.

Farris: That’s one of the unique things about this show, too, that it does mix practical prosthetics and literal blood rather than it all being done in post where you’re just acting in front of a blue screen and making things up. Like, you can not gauge your reaction when you get shot in the face with a blood cannon.

Carver-O’Neill: You couldn’t act if you tried. There’s no controlling what happens to you when you get like a gallon of blood just shot at your head. There’s no preparing for that.

The Connector: What would your advice be to SCAD students or aspiring artists looking to get out into the industry?

Farris: For me, it’s just about time. If you keep working on your craft and you don’t give up, you don’t stop, and keep trying to get better and better, something’s got to give. You’ll either die, quit or you’ll get a job.

Carver-O’Neill: Persistence is key. Something that sticks with me is, I figure that if you keep learning and keep trying to better yourself. You just keep doing it in any way that you can. Eventually, something is going to happen. It might take a really long time, it might take no time at all. It is all about timing, like Lindsay said, something’s got to give. Persistence is key.

Next, The Connector sat down with Dana Delorenzo (Kelly Maxwell) to talk a little bit about how she handles the attention from the audience and what it’s like to work on such an influential series, and also get some insight from Bruce Campbell (Ash Williams).

The Connector: Are you excited to be at SCAD for the panel?

Delorenzo: I was just in Atlanta a couple months ago for Walker Stalker and these fans are amazing. I don’t want to play favorites, but I have to say, Hotlanta — well, I’ve changed the name actually to “Ashlanta,” because of the awesome energy. I really love it here. There’s great food and great people. So, now that I get to be back a few months later, and we get to show a sneak preview of the first episode that’s going to be out in a couple of weeks, and they get first dibs, I couldn’t think of a better place. I really, really love the people here and having spent three days meeting fans, I can say that for a fact. I haven’t met a bad person yet. I get really excited when we get to share this stuff with an audience and be there with them. Because we go and we work on set all day in New Zealand and get covered in blood, and it’s drying and half of your hair is ripping out. You can’t sit down anywhere. The bathroom looks like a murder scene from “C.S.I.” So when we do it, we know we are doing that for the fans. But seeing that final product and getting that response from them is the best since this whole show exists, Bruce has said it himself, because fans have pestered him and Rob and Sam for twenty years to make a follow-up. So, yes, I am excited.

The Connector. Do you feel the pressure of that from the fan base since they are so adamant about their support? Are you worried that something could be potentially mishandled there?

Delorenzo: Well, luckily I don’t make decisions on the show. So, I will say that in the beginning before we started filming, I actually was terrified. Because I know this franchise. I was a fan and it’s about one guy. So, the idea in the beginning moving forward with two sidekicks, it could have gone very differently. Luckily, we were in very good hands and Bruce Campbell is incredible and took Ray and I under his chainsaw wing, as I like to say. So, I’d have to say right now that they have embraced us. I am so grateful that they have and that Kelly and Pablo have come into their own as characters. There’s no pressure, except that we hope that we outdo ourselves every time.

The Connector: That is awesome that you started as a fan and then you were able to connect with fans as a part of the show as well.

Delorenzo: It’s the greatest. Especially when I have people cosplaying Kelly. My non-cool factor shows because I attack them. I get so excited that they are the ones that slowly back away from me like, “OK, bye, nice to meet you.” Yeah, I am just so grateful. What a thrill, and it is going to be even more thrilling to see what is in store for the fans in season three.

The Connector: That’s amazing. What advice would you give to someone trying to break-out into the industry?

Delorenzo: Be prepared to do the work. Don’t do it if you are doing it for the fame, or any reason other than you have a passion for the work. Do the work, and you know what, you can work with a great mentor like Bruce Campbell, who never interrupts interviews. You know what, Bruce is going to finish my question.

Campbell: She can’t learn her craft until she gets used to being interrupted during press events.

Delorenzo: Right.

Campbell: Because it’s important for her to develop her concentration.

Delorenzo. No, I need to be interrupted, because otherwise I don’t know when to end a sentence.

The Connector: What is the most interesting part of having worked on the original films as they were and then having the series evolve into the cult-classic that it is today?

Campbell: Well, it didn’t feel low-budget at the time. We just had no resources, but we didn’t know what it was supposed to feel like until later when we went, “Oh boy, that was low-budget.”  To us, it was just difficult. Now, what’s good about it is that we have much more of a support team. Our crew is much bigger and much more capable of doing really difficult stuff. So, that’s the best part about it. We’re fully funded now.

[thorndale-industries]

Ariadne and Theseus - Chapter 2

Woho, Chapter 2 for my HR fic is finally done. 

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am certain I don't have to remind you all to stay focussed on this urgent matter. This society is growing more fragile by the day, as they desperately try to reach the sky with their artificial wings - a place they were never meant to touch or see, and we are the guardians who imperceptibly raise the temperature of the sun. We will make their wings melt to assure that they stay where they are and forget that the illuminating presence exists at all. And, to my great dismay, we once again reach the point where this step becomes more necessary the more time passes. The moment rapidly approaches where the blind sheep start to disobey and to think they can break free from their faithful shepherd - they outrageously believe they are better off their own while they don't see the cliff they are heading towards. And in such times we need to stay stronger as ever and guide them back to the right path."

The distinctive voice of the Primus Illuminatus clanged through the speakers as he would stand right next to the woman at her desk and an unnerving sensation covered her lean body - as if someone had opened up a window to let a cold breeze in. A dominant and reigning voice filled every single room it appeared in, and drew everyone's attention to the Patrician monarch sitting on his golden throne. His voice was never loud or aggressive, on the contrary: A sinister tranquillity enveloped the elderly patriarch like an impervious haze, concealing his true emotions and thoughts. He was the true enlightened, and menial characteristics were something that did not exist in his world - he had to be above them in order to have a clear vision, untainted with blemishes which plagued mankind. But this time there was a subtle undertone of frustration in his carefully chosen words, as some of his loyal generals dared to waste his precious time with taunting each other instead of placing their figures on the map. But truth is, that the old leader hadn't left his icy fortress for quite a while, hidden in the ancient glaciers of Switzerland - and some might say this was the final sign he was slowly perishing ad his fountain of youth was drying-out.. Like bloodthirsty wolves some of the yet so noble members of this elite group scented his vulnerability and waited for the right moment to strike. The CEO turned herself back to the floating heads and contemplated who of them might be the first to do so. Some of them were young, barely initiates, some of them where playing this game longer than the CEO had been walking on this planet. She smiled, promising, as her oddly coloured eyes slowly wandered from one shadow to the other - she would like to see the French woman to be the first to strike and fail horribly, considering how disgustedly she sought his vicinity. The Welsh woman was certain that the ice queen was convinced to be the real puppet master, with her hands on the cables which held the leader alive. Pride and arrogance lead to a sorry end.

"Of course, and this is why we should finish this talk and get back to our work. We can settle any discrepancies in private to not stall our plan any further. Unless someone has something to add?" Her partner's voice rose once again to lead the conversation, and with a confident and sweet tone he reached for the addictive taste of the fresh air above. He had tasted it once, and it was hard to get back to it without alarming the leader and his guards. A short moment of silence rested among the conspirators, all of them knew the disciple was right and that they had wasted enough time already. The woman who still kept her attention to the connections, the lifelines, started to impatiently knock on the wooden desk and a creeping feeling of uneasiness filled her office. 223 seconds. 223 seconds since the meeting had started and it took too long, longer than it should. Paranoia slowly took over her mind, gently knocked back, as her eyes started to clung to the data stream on her terminal. 230 seconds. One of them had been compromised already, and with every passed moment, every wasted wink, the danger of being exposed was increased. Usually, regular ticking of her skeleton watch gave her a moment of peace and erased the demons of stress scratching at her door, but this time it was nothing but added pressure. Every single tick, every single tock, opened up one of the countless locks protecting the titans from the unworthy. If they wouldn't stop soon... 242, 243, 244,...

"It seems like no one has something to add then. Proceed as planned, we shall meet again once this minor gaze has been extinguished before it could become a serious danger." Finally. The old emperor himself proclaimed the end of this meeting, and as the elusive heads nodded simultaneously, they vanished into the unknown - like if they have never been there in the first place.

With the face buried in her hands, she slightly lifted her glasses to pinch her nose bridge- a little ritual, or more like a desperate measure to prevent her numbing migraine to come too close to her. A deep sigh, she was relieved that the dreadful conversation was over. Her narrowed eyes aimlessly wandered through the office as she took another deep breath. Large rain drops banged loudly against the glass wall to her left and boisterous thunder grumbled in the distance - it was obvious that the storm has just started and its aftermath will be perceptible for a very long time. Deep down inside of her, she had the forlorn hope it would pass in a heartbeat. All she wanted was her peace, and her temples started to pulsate again. Then her eyes returned to the barely illuminated terminal, bright light always hurt her. Focused, she read the automated report which was created after the bug had been detected, but there wasn't much information. The CEO grunted, displeased, and grabbed her mug just to realize that the last drop of the delicious tea had already been consumed.

"Out of tea again, Gillian?". The sudden appearance of the soft American voice did not startle the woman, she had expected it. He was the only one who was allowed to use her holocom without any permission. He knew she would accept his calls, and the same counted for her.

"Never getting tired of mocking me, Robert." Gillian stood up from her desk and passed the holographic image without giving it the pleasure of a glance. She knew to well how he looked like and which suit he wore today - it was Friday and they knew they would meet, so she expected him to wear a specific one she had bought him last week. And she knew how uncannily realistic those holograms had become through the years. Of course, otherwise a certain illusion for the public wouldn't have worked so splendidly as it did. Relaxedly, she refilled the mug with the elixir of life. Now, that they were among themselves, she could finally feel the tight chains break off from her lean body and the chocking corset fell down, allowing her to breath again.

"I assume you want to talk about a change of plans." the well-dressed man inquired as the woman named Gillian sat down on the edge of her desk and finally faced his projection. Now she couldn't refrain from examining the vivid image in front of her and once again she caught herself admiring the perfection which was created with some precise coding and groundbreaking technology. She could see every single strand of his characteristic auburn hair, even the ones which were still missing due to the surgery the man had just two weeks ago - she still had to get used to the little mechanical dot decorating his forehead. Her red lips formed a pleased smile. "Among other things." Two gentle knocks on the mug with her ring and the conversation was allowed to officially start.

"You made me very curious with your last words. Can I assume you have something specific in mind?" She spoke slowly, and her strong Posh British accent added a warm tint to every word which escaped her lips, precisely punctuated. The other CEO came one step closer and returned her smile - there was an auspicious shine in his bright green eyes. "Oh yes, Darling. I do. Just like Proteus can change the flow of the sea, so can we change the flow of things to our favour with just a little adjustment." He emphasised his last words by holding his left thumb and pointer finger barely apart while looking directly at her.

"Such nice words, but you haven't answered my question yet."

"Oh, I know," he chuckled "Where would be the fun in revealing everything at the beginning?"

Gillian tilted her head and shook it with her eyes closed. "To say it with your beloved mythology: There is no time to wander through the Minotaur's labyrinth while the hourglass is already running out." Once again the man came a step closer and bowed his head before he silently groaned in pain.

"You still can't move your head freely?" The seriousness in her voice disappeared and yielded to a worried tone as she examined his augmentation again.

"Just tilting hurts a bit, it will be alright soon." Robert harshly rubbed his forehead. "However, you are right. There isn't much time if we want to proceed with a new tactic and I will keep myself short, I promise. My proposal is: Let's get back to our old plan and attack Sarif Industries directly. Now, that we have the final confirmation on the research, we cannon allow them to even arrive in Washington. No chance for revealing it should be granted and we can't allow them to slip through our hands like this."

Her skinny fingers brushed over her full lips, her eyes abstractedly staring through her visitor as her mind processed the clear words. She had to admit that this was the only opportunity to achieve the desired result in the little time they had left, but a public event would be more beneficial to further form the public opinion. Especially since the attempted assassination of Taggart didn't took place like in the script they had carefully written.

"Well, Namir and his team are still undermanned after the... incident in Geneva. We would have more men in Washington, guaranteeing that..."

"I know exactly what you are talking about, and trust me, I share your concerns." Page quickly interrupted her. "I know that attacking the team there would push forward our agenda and the UN resolution. Morgan already has all the reports ready, he only needs to push a button to make Eliza tell the public how Purity First attacked the so called Messiah of Augmentation and killed a horrendous amount of civilians and scientists. But just one simple call, and all that can be changed to Detroit."

The woman nodded, and took a deep sip of the already lukewarm liquid. "I am aware of that. It's true that it wouldn't be much of a change. The team is fully prepared and I don't question their competence. And in addition to this they already analysed the whole building."

"Exactly, we only need to tell them to go there, create some chaos, get Reed and..."

"No." This time it was her who cut her partner off. "Not only Reed, the whole team."

"Excuse me?" His expression puzzled, yet his voice stayed calm. Like a curious predator he tilted his head to the side, his right eyebrow raised and his mouth slightly opened. "Why the whole team? We don't need them for our research."

"We don't, but others do." Gillian stood up from her wooden and loyal workspace and headed towards the enormous window. She did not care of he followed her if he even looked at the back of her grey suit. The sight of raindrops in front of her pleased her in a bizarre way. How they banged on the glass door, alone, but immediately seeking their comrades and merging into one. Together they ran down the cold surface, never separated, comfort in unity. "Of course we could simply place Reed at Omega Ranch and force her to work for us at gunpoint. Leaving no choice. But do you really think this would be enough to ..motivate her? That just placing her in a lab with her old mentor Darrow and giving her something to work on will be enough? She would be alone, in a foreign place with people threatening to use violence. Don't mind me, but I don't think this sounds like a motivating environment. We will need the others to create a sense of...familiarity. We need to disguise the real face of this project" Her left fingers playfully danced around the edge of the mug as she smiled into the distance. "Besides, we need to concretise the steps up to this point, since our lovely little talk here rolls up the everything else besides the Tyrants."

[daleisgreat]

Dale’s Top 21 Videogame Experiences of 2017

Howdy, everyone! Welcome to my first blog of 2018, and what better way to kick it off than reflecting back on my top gaming experiences of 2017! I had a blast with my top 11 gaming experiences blog from last year, which was really more like 30-40 moments condensed down to 11 entries. I did a similar thing for this year, but for a whopping 21 entries instead. That is nearly double the fun! Just be forewarned, this is a doozy of a read, so without further ado, let us get onto the list! 21) End-Label-Fever

My buddy Matt introduced me to unofficial N64 end labels that were available online. I became immediately envious and ordered the complete set off Etsy and promptly applied them to all my games. I am still befuddled to why Nintendo never had them to begin with. 20) Quantities are Limited! I ordered several games from Limited Run throughout 2017. If you are unfamiliar with Limited Run, they publish physical versions of former digital-only PS4/Vita games, but true to their name in small print runs that you have usually only several minutes to order online as soon as they are available or you are out of luck. Thankfully I had no problem getting my orders in on them and I was stoked to get the physical versions of games I was super into such as Oxenfree, Firewatch, Windjammers and Read Only Memories. 19) A Certain NES Guide Book

Past few years I have gotten into YouTuber Pat Contri’s work a bit. I first found out about him on an AVGN guest spot, and have been keeping up with his podcasts and videos since. A couple years ago he released a mammoth tome dubbed The Ultimate Guide to the NES Library and as the title eludes it tries to be the ultimate guide by reviewing every American, Europe and Australlian release for the NES and have a bunch of bonus columns and features to round it off. I try to read two-to-four reviews before bed at least a few days a week and I have been doing that for just over a year now. I have found out about a ton of NES games I have never heard of before or knew very little of, plus it was interesting to find out their takes on the games I grew up on. This has lead to me tracking down a few NES games throughout the year such as Roundball, Crystalis and Indy Heat to name a few. I still have a ways to go and am only up through Rolling Thunder on the reviews as of this writing. 18) Mmmmm….Pie The last couple years I have been hearing a lot of buzz about all-in-one emulator machines known as RetroPies. Questionable legalities of the device aside, they have risen in popularity this past year and I inevitably stumbled into playing a couple variations of it at various places throughout the year. One person had a custom arcade cabinet with it installed and we tore it up playing countless arcade fighters and brawlers on it. Another time another friend and I went out of our way to search for obscure versions of Street Fighter ports and had a decent time experiencing the original Street Fighter and surprisingly decent versions of Street Fighter Alpha on the GameBoy Color and Street Fighter Alpha 2 on the SNES. I told one friend my joy last year experiencing the import-only arcade release of Ring of Destruction, and sure enough we found it and slaughtered each other for quite a bit on it. The best RetroPie moment was finding an English-patched version of Super FirePro Wrestling Premium on SNES and the worst was when playing a RetroPie for the first time for whatever reason the first game of the several thousand available on it I decided to play was Shaq-Fu, a game I already own…two copies of…don’t ask. 18) The Return of Bimmy & Jimmy!

I was surprised with the out of nowhere announcement and quick release of Double Dragon IV at the beginning of the year. I am presuming the 16-bit Super Double Dragon is no longer cannon. Got a chance to play it with Matt shortly after its release and I loved how it captured the NES feel of the classic 8-bit brawlers and we had a good time with it until we hit one of the final levels. That level was filled with mazes of mind-boggling auto-scrolling ramps and pillars that pop down from out of nowhere and instantly kill you much in the same vein as that godawful N64 Sub-Zero game, but worse! It was an instant turn-off to an otherwise fine co-op brawler. Limited Run had a nice collector’s edition of it up for sale recently but those memories of those nasty pillars and ramp sequences convinced me to stay away. 17) Now You’re Playing With Super Power! I loved the NES Classic in 2016 and in 2017 I had to make sure to line up in stores a couple hours ahead of opening to procure the inevitable SNES Classic. While it has nine less games compared to the NES Classic, the quality and scope of those 21 SNES games is far greater than the ones featured on NES Classic. Finally experiencing the previously unreleased StarFox 2 was a treat and I made sure to first play the first game I owned for my SNES 20 years earlier in Street Fighter 2: Turbo. Me and my friends Derek and Ryan had a ball taking turns to see how far we could last in the unbelievably-hard Super Ghouls ‘n Ghosts (it was not all that far). A couple months later I got my brother one for his birthday and we spent many hours failing to make significant progress in the brutally-tough-yet-super-fun Contra 3. I believe we only got to the third level. One day we shall conquer it, and one day I will sit down and take the time to get through EarthBound! 16) Them Damn YouTubers!

I mentioned YouTuber Pat Contri earlier and I think 2017 has become the year where I routinely started to follow several YouTube videogame personalities. Before I primarily stuck with the crew at GiantBomb for most of my online gaming-related videos and still do for most of them, but I like mixing in a little variety from several other YouTubers. I will give a shout out to Pat Contri again for his many podcast excerpts that entertain me, as well as James Rolfe and his Cinemassacre crew for the always-excellent AVGN videos and let’s play streams he posts with his co-host Mike Matei. Gaming Pick-ups and hidden gem list rundowns sound kind of blah on paper, but the man known as ‘Metal Jesus’ and his wide array of mostly likeable guest hosts find a way to make them entertaining and I cannot help but watch nearly every video he posts on his channel. I have been following Jeremy Parish’s writing and Retronauts podcasts for well over a decade and have been a huge fan of his Works line of YouTube videos chronicling countless GameBoy, NES and SNES games. They are exhaustively researched and well-produced and filled with tons of facts and behind-the-scenes info that your average online review likely would not have. Finally I will give a shoutout to two more retro-themed gaming channels, The Gaming Historian and Classic Gaming Quarterly. Both YouTubers do deep dives into gaming’s past and put a lot of work into their videos and as a result they do not have as frequent videos as other channels, but their quality makes up for the quantity. I am beyond belief, but my hat is off to the host of CGQ for making his ‘Let’s Read’ videos where he highlights and notates tidbits from his favorite articles of old-school gaming magazines and somehow makes them must-see material! 15) I AM TUROK! Last year I mentioned how I got a Retron 5, a handy device that allows you to play several retro game system’s cartridges on an HDTV with clean visuals like how I remember them instead of the dreadful fuzziness you get when hooking up old-school systems on HDTVs with the older composite cables that came with the system. I finally finished my first game using the system in 2017, and the game that got that honor was the long forgotten GameBoy….gem….Turok: Battle of the Bionasaurs. It came out alongside the more popular N64 game and was a simple 2D side-scrolling action/platformer game. If you are wondering why that random GameBoy game it is because I spent several summers on a farm with nothing but a GameBoy growing up so these no-frills basic platformers resonate with me in a unique way.

The Retron has the ability to download an exhaustive vault of Game Genie/Action Replay codes onto an SD card from their website and that came in handy here or else I stood no chance of beating this game. Even though the infinite health made dealing with enemies a breeze, the limitations of the GameBoy’s screen made platforming a bit of a hurdle than I intended so I still died plenty of times, and if it was not for taking advantage of Retron 5’s save-state feature I definitely would not have finished it. I have all the other Turok games on GB (there are five of them!) and eventually would like to get through most of them as these simple watered-down GB conversions are nice little pallet-cleansers to start off a gaming session. Speaking of the Retron 5, Hyperkin released an adaptor for it this year allowing it to play Master System and Game Gear games. I picked it up, but kind of regretted it afterwards as it took a few hoops of downloading and applying updates/patches from Hyperkin’s website in a particular way until a couple hours of trial-and-error got it to finally work. I do not believe the effort was worth it though because I have no Master System games and only six or seven Game Gear games. I did make sure to play quite a bit of Game Gear Road Rash immediately afterwards for my troubles. Hey….if I were to track down just five Master System games what would you recommend? Tweet me your picks! 14) The Year of VR….No, Not That VR

I keep hearing about how Playstation VR, Oculus and HTC’s virtual reality sets that came out over the last couple of years have legitimized VR and brought it up to par with core console based gaming. However, I am just not seeing it. The price point is the primary deal breaker for me, and then factoring in the space factor for all the cables and some games that require you to move around is another major deal-breaker too. This past year saw some AAA console games get their full single player mode available in VR like Resident Evil 7 and Skyrim that I would not mind checking out one day, but most of what I see that is playable out there seem like decent little mini-games and shooting gallery variants, but not worth the barriers to invest into a proper VR setup. If you have it and enjoy it, that’s awesome, but I simply cannot justify crossing that line. That said, I still have the original VR monstrosity that is the Virtual Boy and 2017 was THE year it became active again! I was missing the AC power adaptor hub for my Virtual Boy that I misplaced long ago, and I searched for them on eBay and they were surprisingly affordable there, as was a replacement tripod for the Virtual Boy. I also picked up a few more VB ‘gems’ such as Virtual League Baseball, TeleroBoxer, Galactic Pinball, Vertical Force and Wario Land to increase my mammoth VB library to nine games (that is more than half of its complete library, seriously!). I tried a few of them out and was surprised at my lack of TeleroBoxer skills that I need some severe practice at. VB does have a fine pinball game though and I would like to set aside time to finish Wario Land one day because it is one of the few legit quality games on the platform. Suffice it to say, the good ‘ol Virtual Boy will likely be my sole VR system for the forseeable future. 13) Pinball Gaming Love

Like last year, I played a healthy chunk of pinball games. This year it was primarily Zen Pinball 2 and I kept up with its final round of new tables and tried my best to attain each table’s trophy/achievement. I probably put way too much time trying to get that pesky Rogue One trophy. I put in some time into Pinball Arcade and Hyperspace Pinball, but not nearly as much as last year. I really need to put more time into the former because I just got caught up acquiring its latest season of tables and have yet to try any of them out. It is a shame that unlike the Zen tables, purchasing Pinball Arcade tables on PS3 does not carry over to the PS4 version so I am stuck playing them on PS3. I did do the upgrade a few months ago from Pinball FX2/Zen Pinball 2 to Pinball FX3 and am still coming around to it. Zen thankfully allows my PS3 purchased tables to carry over into the PS4 version! I think I am finally getting use to PFX3’s new unlockable upgrades system, but there seems to be a bit too much optional mini-modes available in order to ‘master’ each table. I will give Zen props for making their latest two tables free in honor of the 10 year anniversary of the first Pinball FX. I imagine I will conform to its various new extras and features soon enough, but not as quickly as I thought. 12) Twin Cities Gaming – Part Two

Last year I mentioned how I went to the Twin Cities to visit a couple friends where we engaged in all sorts of gaming awesomeness, and I continued the trend again this year. I first visited my friend Tyler and while checking out the Mall of America we caught a glimpse of this VR Arcade/theme park there that had all kinds of ambitious sets rigged up. We did not test any out, but just surveyed the area to get a good idea of how to plan out a day there next time we return. We did stop in one of the other traditional arcades in the Mall of America however where I finally discovered in the wild one of the Mario Kart GP games that Namco develops. There have been a few iterations of these over the past decade and I believe the version we played was Mario Kart Arcade GP DX. The version we played had a sweet two-player setup that held its own with the latest home versions, and I was delighted to see it bring back some of the two-player co-op features not seen in the series since Double Dash. I made another trip to the awesome Up/Down Arcade with my friend Dick while I was in the Cities and I was thrilled to see they had just as many awesome 80s and 90s arcade units there as it had last year. We also checked out a pinball bar called Tilt Pinball Bar. It was much smaller compared to Up/Down, but still contained everything I wanted out of such an establishment with a good variety of around 25-30 tables from all eras. We spent a good couple hours there competing for high scores while enjoying a brew and I finally got a chance to play the authentic versions of tables I put countless hours into their digital versions in Pinball Arcade with tables like Champion Pub being a thrill to finally play in reality! 11) First Rule of Fight Club… I have neglected online multiplayer on Playstation since Sony started charging for it on PS4. A couple months ago I relented and picked up a three month card because of my friend Chris who I use to semi-regularly play online PS3 fighting games with. Since I activated the subscription we played on three out of four Saturday mornings and had some great sessions in a variety of fighting games. Neither of us are EVO-quality vets by any means, but we kind of have a vague idea of what we are doing out there and are both along the same skill level. We played a ton of Marvel vs. Capcom Infinite, Street Fighter V and Injustice 2. I dug all three games, and Chris and I talked a lot of friendly smack while we mashed away on buttons relentlessly. 10) Reviewing my first game since 2011…kind of

I adored the first two Syberia games that hit PC/Xbox in 2003/04. I loved their story, atmosphere, cast and writing. While its adventure-genre standard puzzles it featured had me referencing guides online, I did not mind because I had to see what was next for the affable heroine, Kate Walker. I somehow missed the announcements leading up to the third game and was surprised to see it on shelves one day early in the year and I immediately grabbed it without question. That turned out to be a mistake because Syberia 3 is a near-unplayable mess filled with countless glitches and bugs that were previously not part of the franchise’s pedigree. I have no idea how this got the stamp of approval for release. I saw Syberia 3 went on to have more patches and updates after I finished it so hopefully it is not as much of a hot mess as it was when I played it during its first week of release. I wrote a lengthy post chronicling my troubles with the game on a forum I frequent online. Once I realized I rambled on for a quite a bit about the game that it nearly resembled a review, I tweaked a few spots in the original post and made a couple other minor addendums to cover most of the bases of the game. I then submitted it with the lowest score possible to my GameFAQs profile (I am not a fan of how they converted to its five hearts rating system). I have not done a video game review in several years since I switched to focus on reviewing movies on this blog. That said, if you want to see a more detailed account of my disappointment with Syberia 3, then click here to see my first video game review since 2011. 9) Beating my first Mega Man game at Extra Life!!! On my top gaming moments blog last year I recounted how Mega Man 2 became the first game in the series I put serious play time into by beating three stages in it during the annual 24-hour Extra Life charity drive I participate in every year. I beat a few more stages since then, but still had a few more to go and it felt fitting to finish the game off at the next year’s Extra Life! That is exactly what I did, and boy did I feel like an idiot doing so with my lackluster Mega Man expertise. While I still enjoyed my time with the game, I had to exploit save-states for every few screens of progress. I had no idea there was a huge labyrinth of levels leading up to the final encounter with Dr. Wily, which included finishing off all the previous bosses again one more time. I was only anticipating spending another couple hours with the game when instead it took me about five to six hours to finish it off. I still loved every moment of it and want to at least finish off a couple more games in the series someday. I hear that Mega Man 3 is even better than Mega Man 2 so I should at least play that one….right? 8) Off to the Races

Just like last year I played a ton of racing games off and on throughout the year. Like pinball games, starting off a gaming session with 30-60 minutes knocking off a few races of progress before I move onto something else is ideal for me. I played way too much Konami Krazy Racers on the GBA Virtual Console on WiiU. It is a fun little kart racer featuring a unique cast of side characters from various Konami franchises. I also played a ton of Fast Racing Neo on WiiU and loved its take on F-Zero/Wipeout. Before the Switch version of Mario Kart 8 launched earlier this year I got in a few more online sessions on the WiiU version since I imagined most of the player-base flocked to that version upon its release. I am still surprised at how well that version runs online with my wi-fi setup. Other racing games that dominated my time this year were The Crew. I am not really engaging in much of its online content and trying to romp through its story mode, but I do like its take on using the USA as an open world hub. The spiritual successor to Road Rash that is Road Redemption finally came out of Steam Early Access a few months ago and I enjoyed a couple loops through its career mode with my brother. TrackMania Turbo is a fun time-trial based racer oozing with style that has me itching for those perfect runs. JoyRide Turbo is an inferior racing game also with ‘Turbo’ in its title. It is a port of the Kinect-racer on 360 that hit XBLA a year or two later with standard controller gameplay added, and it is ok, but eventually it wore out its welcome. It is not as terrible as Beach Buggy Racing on Xbox One, a budget kart racer for the platform with very loose controls and gets my nod as least enjoyable racing game I played in 2017. Finally, I have been playing a lot of the 360 version of Forza Horizon 2. I loved the first game and its festival/party atmosphere it introduced to the spinoff series and the same applies to the sequel. I am almost done with most of the races in the career mode and after that I can finally move on to the third Horizon which I hear nothing but amazing things. 7) One Game in One Day!

I have referenced here before how I am down with the genre of games known as ‘Walking Simulators’ with much love from me to prior hits in the genre like Oxenfree and Firewatch. Games in this genre cater towards me because they usually have powerful narratives that can be finished in a couple sittings. I wanted to finish one more game before the end of the year so on December 30th I started and finished another popular game in the genre that hit earlier in 2017, What Remains of Edith Finch in about four hours. The game did not disappoint as it focused on the last surviving member of a cursed family revisiting her childhood home and each through an interesting series of flashbacks she experiences each family member’s demise. I enjoyed most of it and absolutely loved its atmosphere exploring the mysterious house filled with literally thousands of books. The big focus of the journey though is reliving those 10-12 flashbacks and they scale all over the place from enthralling, to vague, to underwhelming and head-scratchingly dull. I still very much enjoyed my experience with it, especially since it was one of those rare times where I can plow through a game in a single sitting, but I would rank it a notch or two under Oxenfree and Firewatch. 6) Pound-Town!! On last year’s best of blog I dedicated an entry to my awesome couch co-op gaming nights with friends Derek, Brooke and Ryan, so I will continue that trend this year. We started off the year rotating in and out a lot of our usual favorites but sticking more and more to the social party games featured in Jackbox Party Pack. About halfway into the year another Jackbox-style game hit the PS4 that was a hit with our group called That’s You and it incorporated more unique ways of getting the smartphone in the mix in its games compared to the Jackbox use of the smartphone.

About halfway into the year however we started to play more and more board games. We got a few in the mix in 2016 but 2017 was the year board gaming took off for us. A couple board game/hobby shops opened up in town over the last year or two and it resulted in our group trying out tons of new board games. I must have tried out nearly a dozen tabletop games and some of my favorites were Five Minute Dungeon (a super quick card based version of DnD), YamSlam (think Yahtzee meets poker) and another game I forget the name of where you where a headband and put a card on it while your teammate gives clues to the answer like in the classic game show, $25,000 Pyramid. While we are on the theme of board games this entry I will give a shoutout to Matt and the few rounds of Othello we got in over recent years (new version out on Switch!). Another night Derek and I joined my brother and friends Mike and Justine for an epic night of the board game Zombicide. I have played that game before and do enjoy it, but that game makes rounds of Risk seem like a sprint and you need to dedicate at least several hours to finish a game. Luckily, Mike is a seasoned pro at the game and breezed through its elaborate setup. Somehow, someway we managed to finish a whole game in about five hours, and it was a blast. I feel bad for my brother because he was the only one in our group that did not survive the zombie horde that night. 5) More Love for the 3DS This is another themed entry I am carrying over from 2016. I continue to try and get in a couple hours of handheld device gaming a week on my 3DS. 2017 saw me finally finish Phoenix Wright: Spirits of Justice after a whopping 68 hours!! It easily surpasses Dual Destines as the superior 3DS installment of the franchise as it finally opens up Apollo’s background and it gets all the ace attorneys involved from the Wright Anything Agency and brings back fan favorite Maya back into the fray after a lengthy absence from the series. I am now all caught up on the latest games in the series…in America anyways as I hear Japan is getting spin-off exclusives I am envious of. The other 3DS game I put a ton of time into this year was the remaster of Dragon Quest VIII. It originally hit PS2 around 15 years ago, but this version makes some added benefits for on-the-go gaming like quicksaves and auto-combat which I greatly appreciate. I always liked the Dragon Quest series of RPGs for being simpler, easier to pick up RPGs compared to the average Final Fantasy, and I am digging its art style, score and whimsical narrative thus far after around 30 hours in.

One last game I finished on 3DS is Find Mii and that is a Street Pass Plaza game contained with the 3DS UI. It took forever to finish because to advance in it you need to earn coins via carrying the 3DS around with you in sleep mode to beat simple monsters in a straightforward dungeon layout. There are quite a few monsters to conquer though and it took me banking up many coins to hire countless temporary heroes to defeat in its many dungeon rooms and after nearly three years of off-and-on gradual progress I finally finished it. Huzzah! 2017 saw a far more advanced version of Find Mii released on the 3DS called Mii-Topia which I understand is more of a full-on RPG compared to the intentionally basic design of Find Mii. I think Mii-Topia released shortly after I finished Find Mii and I kind of impulse-bought while on my rush of finishing Find Mii so who knows when I will get to it. Speaking of the 3DS, my brother Joe and I went in together and got my nephew Carter a 2DS for Christmas. Joe got Carter into Pokemon at the beginning of the year by exposing him to the cartoon and the world of Pokemon cards. He is now a devout PokeKid! He never played any of the games though, so I we got him a 2DS and I loaded it up with Virtual Console rereleases of Pokemon Yellow, Pokemon Trading Card Game and Pokemon Puzzle League and I made sure to download and install a super-sweet Pikachu theme on the system for him too. When he opened it up on Christmas Eve he gave both us the biggest hugs!!! So worth it! 4) Kept You Waiting? Just like in 2016, I played a good amount of Metal Gear Solid. The first few months of the year I dedicated to trying to finish off Peace Walker. I say trying because I got the first ending to the game, but it seemed premature due to the gameplay style and sure enough after looking up online there was a true ending to unlock that involved beating many more boss fights in a specific fashion that is too particular to explain here in order to truly finish it. I spent way too much time going down this route before ultimately giving up and moving on. I still had a blast with the game and since it did not have a difficulty level setting I guess you can say I did ‘beat’ it on its default difficulty level instead of setting it to ‘very easy’ like I did in prior entries.

I needed a break from the franchise after that fiasco for a few months so it was not until the end of summer that I picked up and played through all of the prologue to Metal Gear Solid V that is called Ground Zeroes. It is like the introductory mission to MGS2 and MGS3 that is a couple hours long and sets up the rest of the game, but it was released nearly two years ahead of the main game. It picks up right after Peace Walker which is why I invested so much time in attempting to see that through. I loved how the new game looked on the current gen with stunning graphical effects that make the series stand out above all other AAA games, and its cutscene production is in a league of its own with a gorgeous set piece that sets up the proper full MGSV experience that came out in 2015, The Phantom Pain. A couple months later I finally started The Phantom Pain. The introductory stage is an experience I will never forget and is more like an hour and a half movie that introduces you to the core controls while Konami takes you on a visual effects smorgasbord with easily one of the best produced opening cinematics I have ever seen, and that is saying a lot not just for the franchise but for games in general. Even if you are not that familiar with MGS universe and lore, please click here and take the time to watch The Phantom Pain’s opening hour play out to see a new level of production caliber that games have rarely achieved. That hour and a half or so of gameplay is what I finished off the Extra Life marathon with, and I was glad to rock a pair of surround sound gaming headphones to it because just as much care was put into the audio as in the visuals and it all combined for my eyes being glued to the screen the entire time. I have only had time to play about four or five hours more of it since, and I am glad I played Peace Walker because it looks like it is carrying over that game’s ‘Mother Base’ central command hub that took a bit of adapting to and I will not be going in to that interface blind this time around. This is a huge departure from previous MGS games as the gameplay is changed up big time and now takes place primarily in an open world. I am still getting use to that part, but I am loving the little I have played so far as The Phantom Pain continues to open up with so many options available at Snake’s disposal. I do miss the traditional codec calls, but I understand why Konami switched it up for this game. Speaking of Snake, I thought I would never accept Keifer Sutherland replacing David Hayter as Snake’s voice but after that opening played out I did not second guess it again.

One last thing about Metal Gear! I referenced earlier how the crew at giantbomb.com are my go to crew for gaming based videos. They occasionally do full play-throughs of games with a second person on hand for commentary, and over a couple years from 2004-06 they went through almost all of the core Metal Gear games. Giant Bomb called the series ‘Metal Gear Scanlon’ because their video-guy Drew Scanlon was playing through the Metal Gear games for his first time while resident Metal Gear expert and published author, Dan Ryckert on hand to lend his Metal Gear expertise. During the course of 2017 I watched their playthroughs for the first three Metal Gear Solid entries. They were a riot to have on in the background and watch in chunks here and there. Here is a link to a few highlight packages from their sessions for those who are interested. 3) Mmmmm….Fresh Meat I have an odd history with the Diablo series. I love hack ‘n slash RPG games, but I have never finished one in the premiere franchises of the genre from acclaimed developer Blizzard. I played a bit of the first chunk of the debut game right around its release on PC, but then my brother Joe started it up and he had more time to dedicate to it than I did so I wound up occasionally watching him play it from time to time instead. The exact same thing happened with the sequel and I saw Joe play that game nonstop for at least a few years. I played the opening couple of missions to the long awaited Diablo III shortly after its release in 2012 at a friend’s but held off picking it up hoping for a console release instead. I was thrilled when it hit console’s the next year and I picked it up on PS3 and Joe and another friend joined us for a few awesome couch co-op sessions of it and we got nearly halfway through the game until it became difficult to arrange nights for all three of us to meet up and continue and eventually the game fell into my gaming backlog abyss. Fast forward four years and Joe and I picked up our routine, bi-weekly Sunday morning gaming sessions that we use to do all the time until a few years ago. You want to know how long it takes to finish Diablo III and its expansion act when you only have time to commit about three-to-four a month to it? Turns out it takes roughly five months to finish it that way, but it was gratifying to finally cross finishing a Diablo game off my gamer bucket list. I am also mighty thankful that Blizzard made the normal difficulty a relative cakewalk for people like me who do not have ample time to set aside to master the game. We did not lose a single life until we got to the final boss, and even then we finished him off on our third try, and it felt so good! Joe-berg I apologize again for making you sit through all the story and dialogue sequences, I know you want to just keep on hack ‘n slashin’, but you know I gots to absorb that Diablo-lore! 2) Is This Really A Thieve’s End? When I hosted my videogame podcast that ran from 2005-2013, Sony’s top-of-the-line action/adventure Uncharted games would always rank high on my year-end game of the year lists. Hell, I even dug the Vita entry, Golden Abyss too! I got my PS4 towards the end of 2016 and it came bundled with the fourth game of the series. I wanted to play it right away, but did not want to nickel-and-dime my way through the game like I do for most games nowadays.

I held off on playing the latest version I heard so much praise for until I requested a week off from work in April this last year when I had a few other things going on in that timeframe I needed time off for. During that time I made sure to set aside nearly two hours a day to make decent headway in that game, and I am glad I did because Uncharted 4: A Thieve’s End is the longest game of the entire series and it took me nearly 20 hours to finish. It took me that long because I did what I always do every time I play through Uncharted and took my time to soak in its lush and beautiful environments while I explored off the beaten path for the game’s trademark hidden treasures. Uncharted 4 ranks right up there with the second game as my two favorite games in the series. The core gunplay and stealth mechanics I had some issues with before got tweaked and are far more enjoyable this time around. This is the first time in the series I did not mind playing stealthy for a change in certain areas. The platforming is just as masterful as ever as I took in every climbing, rope-swinging, and rock-sliding path that was bestowed upon protagonist Nathan Drake. The vintage set piece chase/interactive cinematics are just as impressive as the past few entries as well. I loved the introduction of Nate’s brother Sam to the cast and he perfectly blended into the series. There was one twist with him later on in the narrative that did not get fully explained that kind of rubbed me the wrong way, but other than that the story lives up to the brand’s high standards. Definitely do no skip out on this entry in the series!

Later on in the year a spinoff Uncharted came out subtitled Lost Legacy. It made the bold move of not having Drake as the protagonist and instead casted Drake’s partner-in-crime Chloe from Uncharted 2 & 3 and antagonist Nadine from Uncharted 4 as the two stars. Playing with these two and an open-ended stage that took up a major part of the second act of Lost Legacy combined to significantly change up the core Uncharted gameplay. I approached parts of this game differently than previous installments while still experiencing the aforementioned top-of-class production values from the series. While I hope it is not the final Uncharted game in the series, I hope the series goes on a mini-hiatus for the time being after six awesome entries within 11 years. 1) Zelda + Elder Scrolls = GOTY The hype leading up to the latest Legend of Zelda game in the series that hit in 2017, Breath of the Wild was impossible to avoid. Nintendo finally changing up the core formula of a console based Zelda for the first time since Ocarina of Time and going to an open-world format was something I had to be there day one for. I still recall playing the first five hours of Breath of the Wild and being fully immersed with its its new levels of open-ended gameplay previously unseen in the series. I instantly fell in love with its world, and for its first several hours of gameplay I felt I was playing something truly special. The only times I felt this way before about a game were for Grand Theft Auto III, the first Halo and the first Uncharted. That is elite company to reside with.

Minus a couple short breaks to focus on other games, I have been consistently playing Breath of the Wild since its release and have invested nearly 100 hours into it. Despite that I have yet to finish it and have only vanquished two divine beasts so far because I love losing myself exploring its world. I rarely make use of fast travel points and I never use horses for fear or running past and missing out on hidden areas/secrets in the game. It took me several hours over many attempts to finish the mystical Eventide Island and I did not mind its grueling challenge to figure out how to overcome the unique predicament that island starts Link off in. I remember the thrill of finishing off my first ancient machine and defeating the formidable foes that are the Lynels. I did not mind the weapons breaking frequently since it inspired me to mix up my weaponry and try out weapons I would not have otherwise and there are always a constant flux of weapons available. Somehow, someway, Breath of the Wild is the first game to get me into crafting, something I detested in games prior. That jingle it plays when you make a super zesty dish with bonus attributes is an awesome feeling. I am playing this on the WiiU and my only gripe is that it did not have the option to use the gamepad for inventory management. I guess the rain was a minor hindrance too since it prevents climbing, but those minor two gripes aside did not bother me to invest all this time into it throughout the year, and probably just as much time going into 2018 too. This is easily the best time I have had with any Zelda game ever. Until Next Year…. Phew, thank you for sticking with me throughout this novel of an entry. This was quite the adventure to write, and I give big ups to you if you got through this in its entirety! See you next year for my top 2018 gaming experiences! As a little bonus, if you are not tired yet of clicking through all the supplemental YouTube videos linked above, here is one more that always manages to crack me up when I need to get myself out of a funk, so please click away and enjoy!

[rathertoofondofbooks]

It’s week 2 of Non-Fiction November and this week’s prompt is over on Sarah’s Book Shelves and it is all about pairing up non-fiction books with fiction.

I thought this was going to be really difficult but once I took a few minutes to think about it, and to scroll through my Goodreads account, I came up with a few!

Firstly I have a couple of nonfiction books to recommended.. If you loved one then I think you’ll love the other too!

Into Thin Air by Jon Krakauer + Dead Mountain by Donnie Eichar

I read both of these books in 2019 and they are both such fascinating reads. Each features explorations of very cold, inhospitable places and reflections on what happened along with some history. Dead Mountain is looking at a mysterious case from the 1950s where a group of experienced explorers all died in very strange circumstances. Into Thin Air is about a group who climb Everest in the 1990s but something goes wrong near the summit and people died. Afterwards there was a lot of discussion about the truth of what happened that day. I think if you enjoyed one of these books you would also enjoy the other.

The Last Act of Love by Cathy Rentzenbrink + Past Caring by Audrey Jenkinson

I read these books quite a long time ago but it’s testament to them that I still remember them so clearly. The Last Act of Love is an incredibly moving book about the aftermath of an accident that seriously injured Cathy’s brother. She and her family looked after him from then on until his death. Past Caring is a book that I discovered in the months after my mum died and it was a huge help to me. It’s all about how it feels, and how to cope, when you have been a carer for a loved one who has since died. It’s hard to suddenly not be a carer anymore, to not be needed when it’s been your life for so long. I recommend both of these books – the first is a book for everyone and the second is more for if you have been caring for someone, it really is an excellent resource.

  Then I have some fiction books that I’ve read and enjoyed so have paired them with some non-fiction titles that are linked in some way.

Full Disclosure by Camryn Garrett + How to Survive a Plague: The Story of How Activists and Scientists Tamed AIDS by David France AND And the Band Played On: Politics, People, and the AIDS Epidemic by Randy Schilts

I just finished reading Full Disclosure at the weekend so I haven’t yet written my review. As soon as I started writing this post though I knew I had to include it. It’s about a teenage girl who is HIV Positive (which she contracted from her birth mother). She lives with her two dads and lives a very normal life. The book is a brilliant portrayal of what it is to live with HIV in the present day and I recommend it. I wanted to pair it with two books that both give such an excellent overview of the history of HIV and AIDS. Randy Schilts book is an older book so it doesn’t cover more recent developments but it is still a very good read. David France’s book is very recent and I found it fascinating. Both non-fiction books are well-researched but they’re written in a very accessible way and I would recommend them to anyone wanting to know more.

The Things We Thought We Knew by Mahsuda Snaith + It’s All in Your Head: True Stories of Imaginary Illness by Suzanne O’Sullivan

The Things We Thought We Knew is a brilliant novel following a teenager who is bedbound with chronic pain. Through the novel we learn that her childhood best friend went missing and she has struggled to cope with the loss. Her situation is complex and I felt such sympathy for her. I adored the novel and am keen to re-read it. The non-fiction I recommend after reading the novel is It’s All in Your Head. I read this book whilst recovering from neurosurgery and I got engrossed in it. It’s a book by a doctor who is exploring illnesses where there is no apparent physical cause. She never says it’s all in your mind in a dismissive way, it’s more a fascinating look at how our minds can cause symptoms to present in the body. These symptoms need treating just as much as actual physical illness but O’Sullivan shows how patients and doctors need to be open to exploring other avenues such as psychotherapy. I loved the book and highly recommend it.

Carry You by Beth Thomas + Motherless Daughters: The Legacy of Loss by Hope Edelman

I read Carry You about five years ago and it’s a book that’s really stayed with me. It’s a contemporary novel and the main character is trying to re-build her life after the death of her mum. I loved the book and want to re-read it soon. I’m pairing it with Motherless Daughters, which is a book I discovered in the months after my mum died. It was the book I needed in those months and I recommend it to anyone who has lost their mother. I liked how Hope tells her own story but the book also contains lots of other women’s stories too so it really is a book for any woman whose mother has died. It’s perhaps not a book if you haven’t experienced that loss but it’s one to make a note of, I have since gifted copies to friends who are grieving the loss of their own mother.

Still Lives by Maria Hummell + After the Eclipse by Sarah Perry 

I read Still Lives very recently and found it a really interesting read. It features an art exhibition by a female artist who has painted herself into the murder scene of women who became infamous after their deaths (such as Nicole Brown-Simpson). It’s a crime thriller but what stood out to me was the exploration of how society either fetishises murdered women, or it ignores them completely to focus on the killer. I’m pairing this with After the Eclipse, which is one of my favourite non-fiction books that I’ve read this year. In this book Sarah Perry writes about the murder of her mum when she was a young teenager. Sarah explores her own emotions from the time but also looks back on the time through her adult eyes. She really made me think about how in our fascination with true crime documentaries we often almost forget that the murdered woman was a person, she had a family and friends. This is a book I recommend to everyone.

The First Time Lauren Pailing by Alyson Rudd + I Am I Am I Am by Maggie O’Farrell

I read The First Time Lauren Pailing Died a few weeks ago and enjoyed it. It’s about Lauren Pailing and she has a fairly ordinary life but when she’s a teen she dies in an accident. At this point we see the aftermath of her death and how it affected her loved ones but we also see Lauren survive the accident and go on with her life. She later dies again and the splits occur once more and you follow all the timelines. It’s such a good read, and even though it sounds confusing I found it easy to follow. I think if you enjoyed this book you should read I Am I Am I Am by Maggie O’Farrell. I’m the biggest fan of her writing so was eager to read her first non-fiction writing and it’s a brilliant book. Maggie looks back on her life through each of the times that she had a brush with death. This book really resonated with me and I’m definitely going to re-read it next year. If you haven’t already read it, I highly recommend it.

Histories by Sam Guglani + Breaking and Mending by Joanna Cannon

Histories is an interlinked short story collection that I found really powerful. You see the hospital through the eyes of different people who are there – doctors, nurses, cleaners, admin staff and patients and each story adds depth to another story in the book. It’s a great read and really stays with you. Breaking and Mending is Joanna Cannon’s reflections on her time as a junior doctor and it’s an incredibly powerful book. I found it breathtaking in how she shows the realities of working in the NHS and it’s made such an impression on me. This is a book I recommend to everyone.

The Lion Tamer Who Lost by Louise Beech + Good As You: From Prejudice to Pride – 30 Years of Gay Britain by Paul Flynn

The Lion Tamer Who Lost is one of my favourite novels so I recommend it if you haven’t already read it. It follows Ben who is working at a lion reserve in Africa, which he’s always dreamt of doing but he’s not happy. Over the novel we find out about Ben’s relationship with Andrew and it’s such a stunning read. It made me cry when I read it but now when I think of it I remember the beauty and hope in the early days of Ben and Andrew as they fall in love. I’m pairing this with Good As You, which is a book looking back at 30 years of what it is to be gay in Britain. It’s one of those non-fiction books that you learn things from but it’s written in such a way that you fly through it. I was picking it up every chance I had, just like I do with fiction. Both books have heartbreak and hope and I recommend them.

Accidental Emeralds by Vivienne Tuffnell + The Point of Poetry by Joe Nutt

Accidental Emeralds is a poetry collection that I read around the time I started reviewing books on my blog. It’s a beautiful collection that looks at longing and love through the changing of the seasons. I loved the collection and plan to re-read it but I was very apprehensive about reviewing it because I never feel like I’m clever enough to fully understand how to write about poetry. Earlier this year I read The Point of Poetry by Joe Nutt which is a brilliant book that looks at a selection of poems and explores them in a way that makes poetry feel so accessible. The book even made me re-read a poem that I detested while studying at school and I ended up finding I really enjoyed it. The Point of Poetry is for everyone and I recommend it to anyone who has ever felt intimidated to read poetry or to write about it.

The Evidence Against You by Gillian McAllister + Stand Against Injustice by Michelle Diskin Bates

This pairing was a late edition to this post but I wanted to include it anyway. The Evidence Against You is a crime thriller that follows a young woman as her father is about to be released from prison. He was convicted of killing her mother but now he’s  protesting his innocence. She doesn’t know what to believe but she decides to try and find out what the truth is. A couple of weeks ago I read Stand Against Injustice which is about a terrible miscarriage of justice. Barry George was wrongfully convicted of murdering TV presenter Jill Dando and this book, written by Barry’s sister, explores what the family have been through over the last twenty years. It really gives an insight into what it is having a loved one in prison, and how much it takes to fight for justice. I highly recommend this one.

    If You Like That, You’ll Love This! #Fiction #NonFiction #BookPairings It's week 2 of Non-Fiction November and this week's prompt is over on Sarah's Book Shelves…

[getseriouser]

20 THOUGHTS: Smith’s crisp, Root buried

WHAT a wonderful time of year for crap weather? 

Footy has three weeks left with a lot still on the line and the Ashes is entrenched in prime time for the next four weeks.

Work from home, charge your phone only so you can use Menulog and just remember to rotate your couch cushions after each test match – no-one wants a sofa with permanent bum indentations, it’s unsightly.

 1.       We’ll get to the Ashes soon enough, but let’s cover off the air conveyance. And how the Swans were dudded. Well maybe not super much as they’re not making the finals any which way, but maybe Richmond or Brisbane, perhaps Collingwood or Essendon, by the massive missed free kick on Sam Reid in the dying seconds. The Giants lose that and their stranglehold on a double chance goes. Only one mistake, lets not crucify the umpire, but gee for ramifications it’s a doozy.

2.       Brisbane, looked like the Scraggers were some go for a while there last Sunday twilight, but once again those Lions chalked up another win and how bout their flag credentials they say? Yeah still not for me. They have the Gold Coast this week, wow, another game against a bottom ten team, and in Queensland. This team is in form, no doubt, but the validity of that form does not befit the record they have. It might be enough to win them some finals, sure, but this is not a premiership team.

3.       The Lions have had no injures, and have a league-high ten players who have played every game so far. Consistency at the selection table compared with teams like Richmond and Collingwood who have had periods without such luxuries, has been worth a win or two in itself for Brisbane, no question.

4.       Yeah, so Geelong. The record since the bye, for the position on the ladder they were in going into their week off, has to be amongst the worst in the comp relatively speaking. So when is a slump actually reflective of where you’re at? No-one would give them a show in a final against Richmond, so would need to somehow avoid them with GMHBA finals against interstate fodder and hope for a good run. For a team on top, 14-5 and 130%. Remarkable.

5.       Gold Coast, my Lord, this is supposed to be a team ten years past putting out teams not up to standard. At least back then it was ok, they were on the L plates, you knew they’d be super rubbish but it was all part of finding their feet. Now they’re just a middle-aged moron on the roads and you can’t give them an out for their shit driving, to maintain the metaphor. Remember, they lose their last three games, this season will equal their bad years of 2011 and 2012.

6.       Looks like we might be set for one South Australian team to finish eighth but without room for both. The Power’s upset over the Dons last Saturday probably gives them the advantage to take the final spot looking three weeks ahead, and at their cross-town rival’s expense. And if that’s the case, given the lopsided Showdown a few weeks ago, that eventuality probably seems about right.

7.       We haven’t had a draw yet, usually we’re good for one or two, other than 2016 we have always had a least one since 2014…. I didn’t say that all these thoughts had to be interesting, but at least this one is accurate.

8.       Blake Caracella to Essendon, that’s one or both of two things. Firstly, Caracella is a genius, his first year with Richmond was 2017, and look what happened to that coaching box, went from sackable to winning flags. So great bit of IP for the Bombers braintrust there. But also, could it be a little bit of what St Kilda did with Ratten last summer. If, and it’s a big “if”, you’re looking at reviewing your senior coach, why not get a talented assistant in early so such a replacement might already be under your roof. Almost like a succession plan, but unofficially.

9.       Adam Treloar was gutsy on Tuesday, just plain gutsy. Didn’t need to talk about his battles, and on such a public forum. But whilst it may have been therapeutic for him, the good it could do for so many other young men to accept, nor no longer dismiss, their struggles as human and to find ways to manage their wellbeing, was fantastic. Having a great year this year, and that’s not just on the field where he is looming large for the Copeland Trophy, but seemingly away from the field as well. Important stuff, won’t back down on that anytime soon. Keep talking.

10.   Some kudos to pot belly Jay Z Clark, who penned a very good angle on the Rising Star for 2019. Sam Walsh looks a runaway winner now, even myself a self-confessed Connor Rozee admirer acknowledges the Blue’s midfielder has it. But Clark points out that the Hawks’ James Worpel is only narrowly ineligible for this year’s award, and had he had played one fewer game in 2018 he’d be right in the frame for the gong this year. And it’s a good yarn, Worpel is having such an under the radar year, we know about Mitchell and O’Meara, but the kid from Bannockburn is a serious 200-plus games midfielder in the making.

11.   The Joe Daniher/Tom Harley thing stank a bit. It’s all come out now that its fine and nothing to see here, but yeah even so, it just stinks a bit. I know we’re all allowed to have mates and more often than not its nothing more than what it is, but sometimes when it looks a bit off it probably is. He isn’t leaving Essendon, but he ain’t as happy at Tullamarine as he could be, is my guess.

12.   Only one game, his first since Round 15, which was his first since Round 11, but 29 touches and five tackles for Bryce Gibbs on Saturday. He’ll be 31 at the start of next season, and who knows whether the Crows think they can get close again soon enough whilst the ex-Blue has something to offer, but clearly there’s still some value in him yet. This year has been strange but the game certainly hasn’t gone past him. Could be cheap if indeed Gibbs looks for a third club too, good value.

13.   Righto, some cricket. Steve Smith, well bugger me. 12 months out. We all saw that press conference at Sydney airport, that was a human being utterly broken. Not just an emotional guy but a sensitive sportsman, often had sleepless nights as captain such was the toll cricket had on him mentally. But to come out and hit 140 twice in the same match, first up, like seriously what the hell? Best since Bradman chatter can continue in the pub and that’s fine, but that was one of the most impressive batting displays you’ll ever be likely to see.

14.   So they’re coming for Cam Bancroft. I don’t buy it yet. Dave Warner did just as little, and sure, has the career to back up quite a few more chances, but unless you’re adamant Marcus Harris does any different you’re backing in the decision to go with Bancroft. Further, don’t forget the last red-ball hit out before the first test he looked a cut above anyone else, and that it is properly trying facing English quicks, in England, with a brand spanking new Duke. Not easy. He has another two tests for mine to get past 50, and I’m sure in four innings he can manage that.

15.   So the bowlers. Cummins is our best quick, he always plays, take him out of the dilemma. With a deck a little green, Pattinson was a great choice, and whilst he didn’t take a ton of wickets, he was only ever going to be a threat in the first innings and he did that. Siddle too, really impressive, I think he goes again at Lord’s. So Starc might get a look for Pattinson in the second test, but then third or fourth test, if we saw Hazlewood, it wouldn’t shock. Don’t think of the guys missing out as being dumped or dropped, think of our bowling options like your spice rack at home, and each test is like a different cuisine, requiring different flavour combinations.

16.   As for England, yep that top order stinks. And no matter how good a Bairstow or Stokes might be, any quality middle-order batsman will feel the pinch when they’re walking out at 3/30. And Rory Burns, nah, that’s the flukiest ton you’ll ever see. He isn’t quality. So unless someone pops outta County Cricket between now and breakfast, that’s a problem that will only continue to plague them throughout the series.

17.   And bowling, Jimmy Anderson wont play at least a couple more, for mine he is a ‘maybe, just maybe’ if its say 2-2 heading into the Oval. Otherwise nup. So in essence, get past Stuart Broad and that’s about it. Sure, Joffra Archer will play and look scary, but so is facing Shaun Tait, and look at how that Test career went. Great with the white pill, but in five-day cricket, let’s see.

18.   So Ben Simmons. The initial drawcard piece for the Australia-Team USA blockbuster. But to be honest he never was going to play. Its why the NHL doesn’t send players to the Winter Olympics, its why we don’t have State of Origin anymore in AFL and why it wouldn’t shock me to see proper NBA stars start forgoing Dream Team duties at Summer Olympics. But then he gets a squillion tax-payer dollars to promote Victoria whilst he is here, back home in the off-season. Can’t play basketball but can take a cheque for being here besides. Not great Ben, I do kinda get it, but its not great.

19.   As for Aussies to get behind, how did Nick Kyrgios get a mention so low down? Seriously, the tennis and personality he brought to the Washington Open was magnificent. Clearly a loose cannon, but when he is good, be it his on court form or his professionalism alongside it, he is very, very good. If your dog at home was the world’s best companion, but occasionally barked way too much and played up, would you keep it and work on those bad habits, or put it up for adoption? Kyrgios may never fulfill perfection, but I tell you what, there’s only five or so better chances for the US Open later this month. Don’t. Be. Surprised.

20.   And Fraser Anning has this month filed for bankruptcy. Nothing else to add, but worth a mention.

[radioleary-blog]

Burning Flags and Hosing Native Americans

11/30/16

"Nobody should be allowed to burn the American flag," Trump wrote this week, after a college student in New Hampshire burned a flag to protest the election, "if they do, there must be consequences - perhaps loss of citizenship or year in jail!"

This from the guy who called for registering Muslims and imprisoning his political opponents. “If these people don’t like things the way they are, they shouldn’t burn the flag, they should do what I did, and burn the Constitution!” Trump said, “You think I could get away with all the crazy shit I have planned for this country if I just burned a flag? No way, I’d be in a prison cell right next to Hillary. So the Constitution had to go. You say flag burning is protected by the First Amendment? Let’s get rid of it. Shoot the First Amendment with a gun from the Second Amendment. A Bill of Rights? They sold you a bill of goods! It’s a Bill of Wrongs, folks, that’s all it was. A Bill of Wrongs.”

Trump released his statement through what has become the official White House press briefing source: Twitter. Oh, he loves his Twitter. Probably because 140 characters is just about the upper limit of his attention span. And 140 characters is the perfect length for saying something stupid, and saying it loud. With a lot of exclamation points!!! Trump loves Twitter because he knows he never has to provide details or logically support his arguments in 140 characters. Of course, he couldn’t support most of his bullshit with logic if he spent ten years writing them into a Russian novel. Hmm, I wonder, what would the title be of a Russian novel written by Donald J. Trump? “The Gulag Mara Lago” ? “One Day in the Life of Ivanka Denisovich” ? “Abortion: Crime and Punishment” ? “War and Pussy” ? Actually, Napoleon plays a prominent role in “War and Peace”, and Trump reminds me a lot like Napoleon. Except Napoleon’s hand is always thrust into his shirt, whereas Trump’s hand is usually thrust into a woman’s pants.

And Trump’s other hand is always on Twitter. And since he’s limited to 140 characters, the Donald doesn’t even have to demonstrate he understands the issues he’s tweeting about. Trump somehow manages to always tweet with the same grandiose level of outrage, bluster and threatening huffy-ness on absolutely any topic, especially when he has no clue what the fuck he’s talking about. Just try him, on any topic:

@surrealDonaldTrump:  “Quantum Theory? It’s a hoax invented by the Australians! Scott Bakula is a great actor!! Why no Oscar, academy? Shame!!

@surrealDonaldTrump:  “Picasso and Cubism? There must be penalties for (so-called) artists who support Fidel Castro’s ideas! Cubism!! And only 90 miles from our shores!

@surrealDonaldTrump:  “Handel’s Messiah at the Met? No gingerbread house! No scene where Handel and Gretel get cooked in the witch’s oven? The Met got it wrong!! Boring - cut funding!!

Of course, what he’d really like to do is get the whole Constitution down to 140 characters or less:

@surrealDonaldTrump:  “We/ people -perfect union, just perfect!! More guns- 2 Corinthians. lower corporate tax rate!! No illegal alienable rights- a selfie evidently: life, liberty, etc.”

Trump is the first Twitter President, but he’s also the first internet troll President, and that’s what’s scary; that a man who is always so angry and eager to get into a Twitter war is now able to get us all into a very real war just as fast, and just as furious. The fast and the furious, or maybe the fascist and the furious. What keeps me up until 3 AM? Worrying about what the hell Donald Trump is up to at 3 AM! He gets up at 3 AM not because he thought of something brilliant to say that couldn’t wait till morning, but because he has to pee twenty times a night. He’s not having a “Eureka!” moment, he’s having a “urea” moment. Because no matter how rich and powerful he is, he’s still an old man, with an old man’s prostate and bladder that are just about as worn-out and unworkable as his economic policies. And both his bladder and his economic plan rely entirely too much on a “trickle down” theory that never, ever provides any relief.

So he wakes up every night in the middle of the night, mad at the world and fully capable of any act of irrationality on Twitter. And now, on the world stage. I’m afraid I’m going to wake up one morning and find out we’ve been at war with China for five hours already. I can see the Joint Chiefs of Staff pleading with him, urging him not to go to war, “Mr. President, we can’t risk a nuclear confrontation, it’s madness! The stakes are too high!” To which Trump replies, “Wrong, General, my steaks are very reasonably priced! Believe me. Very high quality steaks.”

Then our military leaders would be begging him to stop the war. “Please Mr. President, there are 1.2 billion Chinese with a standing army of 200 million men! Our troops are being decimated! We told you hours ago to give the order to retreat! If we are to survive as a nation, you must give the order to retreat!” To which Trump replies, “Wait, you said ‘retreat’? My bad. I thought you said ‘retweet’!”

“But seriously, General, we should retweet. We can still win this on social media.”

Hosing Native Americans

I’m deeply disturbed by what’s going on with the DAPL. To us that stands for Dakota Access PipeLine, but to the Standing Rock Sioux tribe, it stands for Damn Americans Plundering Land.

Now I’m a big fan of oil, a really big fan. Fossil fuels? Love them so damn much. They keep me from freezing to death every winter, when New York state turns into the planet Hoth from ‘The Empire Strikes Back’ for five months. More like ‘The Empire State’s Back: A No Hope.’ And even those giant Imperial Walker “AT-ATs” moved a hell of a lot faster than Northway traffic in winter.

So I love oil. I loved dinosaurs as a kid, and now that they’re fossil fuel, I love ‘em even more when they’re driving my ass around in my car. So I understand why we usually look the other way while the robber barons take the land to take the oil, and play the villain in this never-ending Western horse-opera that keeps our lights on. We usually don’t really care that there’s never a Lone Ranger to ride to the rescue and shoot the gun out the villains hand, we’re willing to let the good guys lose if it keeps our cell phones charged. And hey, how the hell did the Lone Ranger always manage to have a non-violent resolution to every conflict...by using guns? I don’t think he ever killed anybody, but he was always shooting and waving those guns around like a guy with flashlights on a runway waving in a 747. It probably was less of a moral stance than the fact that silver bullets were ridiculously expensive. But this really painted an unrealistic expectation for an entire generation of TV-watching kids; that hostile confrontations are more likely to be resolved peacefully once you break out the guns. Everything will be just fine! What could possibly go wrong with teaching kids that random gunfire solves most problems?

And The A-Team? They were an even worse example, they fired guns all day long and nobody ever got hurt. Every episode, the A-Team ended up in a ten minute shoot-out with machine guns at close range, and they still never managed to successfully shoot somebody. These guys were supposed to be ex-military? What branch, the Kiss Army? They must have fired ten million rounds of ammunition over five seasons, but they never managed to kill a single goddam bad guy. Not even accidentally. You’d think someone would at least get hurt tripping over the mountains of spent cartridges. No one ever got seriously wounded or maimed, either. Never a realistic depiction of the awful consequences of close-quarter machine gun fire on the human body. Never a bad guy laying there screaming at the end of the episode, writhing in a spreading pool of blood, desperately trying to cram his intestines back into his body as the A-Team smoke cigars and high-five each other in a freeze-frame over the closing credits. No, when the show was cancelled the body count was still zero. No wonder these guys were kicked out of the military, they were just wasting valuable ammo and helicopter fuel! I guess B.A. stood for Bad Aim. Was it poor eyesight? I think maybe they called them The A-Team because that was the only letter they could read at the top of the eye chart.

But I digress. Back to the pipeline. So the oil companies dig and bulldoze, raze and deforest, drill, lay pipe and pump. That’s where the oil comes from, and we write it all off as Progress. Although, in all fairness, “drill”, “lay pipe”, and “pump” is also where orgasms come from, so let’s not rush to judgement.

The DAPL is a 1,172-mile, $3.8-billion pipeline, which would transport up to 570,000 barrels of oil a day. It’s nearly finished except for a section scheduled to go under the Missouri River. Native Americans of the Standing Rock Sioux tribe are protesting the pipeline, saying any oil spill will contaminate water sources that serve over 17 million Americans. So last week, authorities attacked the tribe with water cannons in sub-freezing temperatures, which put 17 protesters in the hospital. You think we’ve really advanced as a society? In 400 hundred years of Native American relations, we’ve only gone from intentionally giving them smallpox, to intentionally giving them pneumonia. Slightly less life-threatening, I guess, but not a big improvement. Who knows, maybe in another hundred years we’ll only intentionally give them a head cold. Not a bad one, but one that may cause them to call in sick to work and lay in bed all day catching up on TV.

Authorities defended their use of the water cannons. “We warned them repeatedly,” Morton County Sheriff ‘Buffalo Bill’ said at a press conference, “It rubs the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again!” Sheriff Buffalo Bill then tucked his penis between his legs and tweaked his nipples for the remainder of the press briefing.

And do we truly appreciate the sheer fucked-up-edness of using water cannons on people who are protesting to protect water? What Federal Agency was behind this? Did they call in the Bureau of Irony Enforcement? What was the plan, was this psychological warfare, to hose the Native Americans until they say, “You know what? Fuck water. I’m going back to the casino. We have towels there, and our odds of winning are better.”

This is like, say, if there was a protest by PETA, and the police came to break it up by throwing cats at them. “This is a legal order to disperse!” Raawr! “You must leave the area immediately!” Mrowwl! “Sir, the protesters are deploying countermeasures, they have balls of yarn!” “Hmm...get me that big tomcat named Pepper, we’ll see how they like it when he sprays!”

This whole situation shows that we as a people can no longer effectively stop large, powerful corporations like the oil industry from doing whatever the hell they want to us and our land. They determine public policy, and they have lawmakers and law-enforcement to back them up. They aren’t even afraid of lawsuits and litigation from this tribe, and this tribe is called the Sue! Sure, they spell it ‘Sioux’, not ‘Sue’, but everybody knows the Sioux were the most litigious of all the tribes. The Apache were the most renowned warriors, but the Sioux were legendary litigators. Man, they were a formidable legal opponent. Their raiding party would ride silently into settlements under cover of the night, and as the settlers awoke, they would hit them all at once...with subpoenas.They were ruthless; issuing restraining orders, ‘cease and desist’ orders, and injunctions (I think that’s actually where the offensive slur injun comes from; injunction).

Then they would tie them up. In court. For years. Led by the great Sioux warrior, Red Tape. They still talk about the greatest Sioux leader, Chief Council, and his partner in the firm, Running Billable Hours. The Sioux were the tribe that successfully negotiated a class-action settlement against the Iroquois League over faulty tomahawks, and they are the tribe that got the zoning variance for the Grand Canyon. They were also, by most accounts, the nation’s first litigators to use peyote to consult a Spirit Guide during jury selection, but Alan Dershowitz later perfected the technique. It’s sad how little of this you learn in school these days.

But take heart! As I write this, an estimated 2,100 U.S. military veterans were bound for the frozen Standing Rock reservation to aid and support the Sioux and their allies battling the oil baron villains. Maybe I was wrong, it looks like there are a whole hell of a lot of Lone Rangers riding to the rescue. Of course, Tonto was really running the show.

If anyone was offended by any of this, please don’t Sioux me.

[bookwhit]

H E L L O all my lovelies! July is OVER. Can you believe it? I can’t. Now it’s all about getting ready for school. Shopping for clothes and school supplies and any last minute efforts to do something as a family before summer is officially over. Maybe I will get more reading done with kids in school? I can only hope!

Here is the break down of what I read this month. I am hoping to do some reviews of these and have them up here soon. As always, I will give you the book, a synopsis and then my personal opinion on if it was worth the read with either a HECK YEAH or a BIG FAT NOPE.

1. Dance of Thieves by Mary E. Pearson  was one I was really excited about. It comes out next week. August 7th I believe, and I read the ARC. YOU GUYS. I loved it.

Here is the synopsis:

A new novel in the New York Times–bestselling Remnant Chronicles universe, in which a reformed thief and the young leader of an outlaw dynasty lock wits in a battle that may cost them their lives—and their hearts.

When the patriarch of the Ballenger empire dies, his son, Jase, becomes its new leader. Even nearby kingdoms bow to the strength of this outlaw family, who have always governed by their own rules. But a new era looms on the horizon, set in motion by a young queen, which makes her the target of the dynasty’s resentment and anger.

At the same time, Kazi, a legendary former street thief, is sent by the queen to investigate transgressions against the new settlements. When Kazi arrives in the forbidding land of the Ballengers, she learns that there is more to Jase than she thought. As unexpected events spiral out of their control, bringing them intimately together, they continue to play a cat and mouse game of false moves and motives in order to fulfill their own secret missions.

********

2. The House on Foster Hill by Jaime Jo Wright was a little bit slow but after I kept thinking of all the things I liked about it. It follows a past and present story about two women and their experiences with The House on Foster Hill. It has a suspense, mystery plus a few plot twists that kept me interested in this novel. Yes. Read it.

Here is the synopsis:

Kaine Prescott is no stranger to death. When her husband died two years ago, her pleas for further investigation into his suspicious death fell on deaf ears. In desperate need of a fresh start, Kaine purchases an old house sight unseen in her grandfather’s Wisconsin hometown. But one look at the eerie, abandoned house immediately leaves her questioning her rash decision. And when the house’s dark history comes back with a vengeance, Kaine is forced to face the terrifying realization she has nowhere left to hide. A century earlier, the house on Foster Hill holds nothing but painful memories for Ivy Thorpe. When an unidentified woman is found dead on the property, Ivy is compelled to discover her identity. Ivy’s search leads her into dangerous waters and, even as she works together with a man from her past, can she unravel the mystery before any other lives–including her own–are lost?

********

3.  Kiss of the Royal by Lindsey Duga was such a fun tween read. This is a clean read. Anyone can read it. It is a fantasy and it took me a minute to understand the magic of the Kisses but I am telling you that there is no cuter story that explains how special true love is. I thought it was an adorable, fun read full of banter, adventure and love.

Here is the synopsis:

In the war against the Forces of Darkness, the Royals are losing. Princess Ivy is determined to end this centuries-long conflict once and for all, so her new battle partner must succeed where the others failed. Prince Zach’s unparalleled skill with a sword, enhanced by Ivy’s magic Kiss, should make them an unstoppable pair—but try convincing Zach of that.

Prince Zach has spent his life preparing for battle, but he would rather be branded a heretic than use his lips as nothing more than a way to transfer magic. A kiss is a symbol of love, and love is the most powerful weapon they have—but try convincing Ivy of that.

With the fate of their world on the line, the battlefield has become a testing ground, and only one of them can be right. Falling for each other wasn’t part of the plan—but try convincing their hearts of that.

********

  4. The Throne of Glass series by Sarah J Maas has been CRAZY good. Her level of writing and depth of telling the story is absolutely incredible. There is also a book of 5 novellas called The Assassins Blade that is not pictured. I’m featuring this here because I just read Tower of Dawn and then reread Empire of Storms this month. Kingdom of Ash is the last book and will be released October 23rd and I am so excited and sad. I can not wait for the ending that will in no doubt be epic. If you haven’t read this series then you need to. I know its a lot of books but I swear they are good enough that you don’t realize how fast you will go through them.

Here is the synopsis of the first book, Throne of Glass:

After serving out a year of hard labor in the salt mines of Endovier for her crimes, 18-year-old assassin Celaena Sardothien is dragged before the Crown Prince. Prince Dorian offers her her freedom on one condition: she must act as his champion in a competition to find a new royal assassin.

Her opponents are men-thieves and assassins and warriors from across the empire, each sponsored by a member of the king’s council. If she beats her opponents in a series of eliminations, she’ll serve the kingdom for four years and then be granted her freedom. Celaena finds her training sessions with the captain of the guard, Westfall, challenging and exhilarating. But she’s bored stiff by court life. Things get a little more interesting when the prince starts to show interest in her … but it’s the gruff Captain Westfall who seems to understand her best.

Then one of the other contestants turns up dead … quickly followed by another. Can Celaena figure out who the killer is before she becomes a victim? As the young assassin investigates, her search leads her to discover a greater destiny than she could possibly have imagined.

********

5. The Siren by Kiera Cass was okay. It was a fun love story. I really liked her Selection Series but this one fell short me. I felt like I wanted there to be more. That being said, it was still fun. If you are wanting just a light, easy read then you should try this one! A fun love story. .. it just didn’t have the depth I was expecting but maybe that is because it isn’t very long.

Here is the synopsis:

Years ago, Kahlen was rescued from drowning by the Ocean. To repay her debt, she has served as a Siren ever since, using her voice to lure countless strangers to their deaths. Though a single word from Kahlen can kill, she can’t resist spending her days on land, watching ordinary people and longing for the day when she will be able to speak and laugh and live freely among them again.

Kahlen is resigned to finishing her sentence in solitude…until she meets Akinli. Handsome, caring, and kind, Akinli is everything Kahlen ever dreamed of. And though she can’t talk to him, they soon forge a connection neither of them can deny…and Kahlen doesn’t want to.

Falling in love with a human breaks all the Ocean’s rules, and if the Ocean discovers Kahlen’s feelings, she’ll be forced to leave Akinli for good. But for the first time in a lifetime of following the rules, Kahlen is determined to follow her heart.

********

6. The Roommate by Kendall Ryan got me out a little reading slump this month. Sometimes I need a quick read that I can’t put down. This one was full of sexy banter and such a cute story, I read it in one sitting!

Here is the synopsis:

The last time I saw my best friend’s younger brother, he was a geek wearing braces. But when Cannon shows up to crash in my spare room, I get a swift reality check.

Now twenty-four, he’s broad shouldered and masculine, and so sinfully sexy, I want to climb him like the jungle gyms we used to enjoy. At six-foot-something with lean muscles hiding under his T-shirt, a deep sexy voice, and full lips that pull into a smirk when he studies me, he’s pure temptation.

Fresh out of a messy breakup, he doesn’t want any entanglements. But I can resist, right?

I’m holding strong until the third night of our new arrangement when we get drunk and he confesses his biggest secret of all: he’s cursed when it comes to sex. Apparently he’s a god in bed, and women instantly fall in love with him.

I’m calling bullshit. In fact, I’m going to prove him wrong, and if I rack up a few much-needed orgasms in the process, all the better.

There’s no way I’m going to fall in love with Cannon. But once we start… I realize betting against him may have been the biggest mistake of my life.

********

7. Merciless by Willow Winters is the first of 4 books I believe. I received the first two books to read and review for a book tour and I wish I would have realized sooner that it was a 50 Shades of Grey type book. Don’t get me wrong, I love sexy, steamy romances but I don’t really love the dom/sub element. It’s not my thing and this one is about gangs in New York and how ruthless they are, honestly it made me uncomfortable. It was hard for me to read. I wouldn’t recommend it BUT… I will still leave the synopsis below.

I should’ve known she would ruin me the moment I saw her. Women like her are made to destroy men like me. I couldn’t resist her though. Given to me to start a war; I was too eager to accept.

But I didn’t know what she’d do to me. That she would change everything. She sees through me in a way no one else ever has. Her innocence and vulnerability make me weak for her and I hate it. I know better than to give in to temptation.

A ruthless man doesn’t let a soul close to him. A cold-hearted man doesn’t risk anything for anyone. A powerful man with a beautiful woman at his mercy… he doesn’t fall for her.

********

There you have it! What I read in July. I will hopefully be posting a new review weekly as soon as school starts up. Then you will have some real reviews instead of just my yes and no reads! Have a wonderful day friends! Thanks for reading!

xoxo,

What I read in July

[jayhawksofficial]

Golden Smog debut album to be reissued on deluxe vinyl

Run Out Groove Vinyl just announced that they are reissuing the classic Golden Smog debut album, Down By The Old Mainstream, in a limited, numbered, 180g 2LP edition on colored vinyl.

More details and to pre-order: http://runoutgroovevinyl.com/down-by-the-old-mainstream-2lp.html

IMPORTANT: Down By The Old Mainstream is available to order exclusively via the RUN OUT GROOVE website until 3/8/18 and will be limited and numbered based on total orders taken at the end of the pre-order period. After the pre-order closes, the only way to purchase a copy will be via participating music retailers while supplies last.

Gary Louris: "The Golden Smog....A good excuse for hanging out with friends that turned into some beautiful music, and lessons about making it that I carry with me to this day."

Pre-order opens: 2/7/18 Pre-order closes: 3/8/18

• 2-LP, 180-gram, color vinyl pressed at Record Industry. Fans get the opportunity to vote on the colorway of the vinyl through our Facebook poll starting at 5pm EST Feb 7th through Feb 28th: http://bit.ly/2EuM6Cx • Tip on gatefold aqueous gloss Stoughton jacket with printed inner sleeves • Individually numbered and limited to one pressing. • First repress since 2010, when it was first issued on vinyl • A lost classic from the 1990s that includes Jeff Tweedy of Wilco, Dan Murphy of Soul Asylum & Gary Louris, Marc Perlman & Kraig Johnson of the Jayhawks.

Run Out Groove Vinyl website: www.runoutgroovevinyl.com

                                                                               (photo: Bonnie Butler Murphy)

Track Listing: Side A 1. V 2. Ill Fated 3. Pecan Pie 4. Yesterday Cried Side B 1. Glad & Sorry 2. Won’t Be Coming Home 3. He’s A Dick Side C 1. Walk Where He Walked 2. Nowhere Bound 3. Friend Side D 1. She Don’t Have To See You 2. Red Headed Stepchild 3. Williamton Angel 4. Radio King

Biography: Golden Smog is a Minneapolis-based, loosely connected inter-changeable group of musicians from notable bands comprising members of Wilco, Soul Asylum, The Replacements, The Jayhawks, Run Westy Run, Big Star and the Honeydogs. Since their inception in 1989, many members have come and gone, with the following musicians having appeared on all recordings: Kraig Johnson (Run Westy Run), Dan Murphy (Soul Asylum), Gary Louris (Jayhawks) and bassist Marc Perlman (Jayhawks). The group originally played in and around Minneapolis doing mainly cover song sets as a country-rock reaction to the punk and hardcore music that dominated the region. In 1995 they released their debut album, “Down By the Old Mainstream,” recorded at Pachyderm Recording Studio that was made up of mainly original material with a few covers. Drummer Chris Mars of the Replacements was gone by now and the line-up consisted of Johnson, Murphy, Louris, Perlman and two new members: Jeff Tweedy of Wilco and Honeydogs drummer Noah Levy. All members were credited under pseudonyms to avoid contractual issues with their other record companies.

Golden Smog article from the St. Paul Pioneer Press

by Jim Walsh (January 1996)

It happened three days into Golden Smog's five-day recording session for their debut album, ``Down by the Old Mainstream,'' last summer at Pachyderm studios in Cannon Falls. Drummer Noah Levy of local roots-rockers the Honeydogs had already laid down his tracks, which left the five other players - Soul Asylum's Danny Murphy, the Jayhawks' Gary Louris and Marc Perlman, Run Westy Run's Kraig Johnson and Wilco's Jeff Tweedy - sitting in a circle, conducting an old-fashioned late-night jam. A Smog mission statement emerged from that circle session in the form of ``Radio King,'' an off-the-cuff homage to musical heroes - both in and outside the Smog - sung by Tweedy: ``Your music fills my car/ Your voice breaks every time/ I'm still wonderin'/ If I know who you are/ I hang on every line.'' ``To me, that song is totally about being a music fan,'' says Murphy. ``And that's kind of the vibe of the band. I'm obviously a big fan of all these guys' work. It was pretty exciting to play with guys whose records you'd probably buy, even if you weren't on it.'' The first incarnation of Golden Smog, which included former Replacements' drummer Chris Mars, released an EP, ``On Golden Smog,'' in 1992. But as the players' careers cranked up, Golden Smog (the moniker comes from a Mel Torme-inspired character on ``The Flintstones'') was put on the back burner. In the summer of 1994, Murphy, who had been an admirer of Tweedy's old band, Uncle Tupelo, contacted Tweedy to see if he wanted to collaborate. The two got together and wrote, and Murphy booked a show at the Uptown Bar, with the Smog billed as Circle the Drain. For Tweedy, who had just experienced a stormy breakup with Uncle Tupelo, the gig was healing. ``Doing that show really made me feel like I could play live again,'' he admits. The other members of Circle the Drain/Golden Smog also were at various crossroads when they entered the studio. The Jayhawks had just finished recording ``Tomorrow the Green Grass'' and were scheduled to tour Australia and Japan with Counting Crows. Soul Asylum was preparing to record ``Let Your Dim Light Shine,'' and Wilco had just finished ``A.M.'' ``We were all in our band modes,'' says Perlman. ``And when we got together, it was `Wow. This was meant to be.''' In essence, Golden Smog served as a musical vacation from the players' high-pressure careers. And when Johnson, who isn't the primary songwriter in Run Westy Run, presented his friends with some of his original material, it was received with no-holds-barred enthusiasm. Suddenly, Golden Smog had evolved from a jokey cover band into a creative cocoon. ``Nobody would ever say, `Well, you should do this' or `You should do that,''' says Johnson, of the Smog's creative process. ``Everybody would just kind of go, `Hey! That's a good idea, let's try it.' And sometimes when that happens, you think it's great, and then the next day, you have a hard time listening to it. But that wasn't the case. Even though it was recorded more than a year ago, I listen to it, and I don't say, `I wish I would have done this or that.''' ``When you feel like you're doing it for the pure joy of it, without any expectations, somehow things get easier,'' says Louris. ``It was a lot of work, but there wasn't that cloud hanging over your head, saying, `This is your next record, and this is what your career's based on, and this is your shot for this year.' Because of that, it turned out much cooler.'' For Perlman, the experience provided a creative outlet, which he had explored on ``Promises Broken,'' the latest Soul Asylum single co-penned by him and Murphy. ``It's so much easier to collaborate with your friends,'' says Perlman. ``It looked like a retreat in there: Everybody was just pairing off into corners, writing lyrics and stuff. It was just a really good vibe.'' ``Everybody was just sitting in little circles, finishing stuff,'' says Murphy of the session, which includes vocal cameos from Son Volt's Jim Boquist and Soul Asylum's Dave Pirner. ``It was actually pretty fun. I don't even think we knew we were making a record. We just thought we recording some stuff to see what would happen. But when we got the tapes back, I was pretty devastated.'' That can be attributed to the top-notch material, much of which was discarded by the musicians' first-string bands, including Tweedy's ``Pecan Pie''; ``Won't Be Coming Home,'' by Louris and his former Jayhawks partner, Mark Olson; Louris and Johnson's ``V,'' about their mutual friend Victoria Norvelle; and Murphy's ``Ill-Fated.'' ```V' is definitely a different lyrical direction than Olson usually likes to go,'' says Louris. ``And it might not have happened without the Smog, because everybody knew her, or had dated her or been friends with her. So everybody was into the song - because it was about Victoria, also.'' ``I remember the first time I heard `Won't Be Coming Home,' the Jayhawks were opening for us in the mainroom,'' says Murphy. ``And I said, `Christ, what is that song, Gary?' And he said, `Oh, it's this thing I'm working on.' I was just stunned. And it didn't get used on their record, because someone said it sounded too much like R.E.M. or something. That's completely ridiculous.'' For Murphy, whose songwriting in Soul Asylum usually takes a back seat to Pirner's, Golden Smog functions as equal parts buddy club and essential artistic outlet. ``I decided awhile ago that the only thing more pathetic than a guy in a band is a frustrated guy in a band,'' he says. ``Columbia [Soul Asylum's record label] has certain ideas for Soul Asylum, and it includes me to an extent. But if something doesn't get used, I'm not real political. I'll just say to the guys, `I think you're missing the boat; I think this is a good song.' And nine times out of 10, they'll agree. But if I have something that I've finished, I prefer it to be on a record. So that's what really motivated me to do the Smog.'' As for the future, the Smog will mount a two-week tour that visits First Avenue Feb. 29 and March 1, and ends up at the South by Southwest Music Festival in Austin, Texas, in mid-March. Other than that, there are no concrete plans. Anything more would smack too much of - yikes! - a full-time band. ``It reminds us what it's like to have fun making music, for the sheer enjoyment of it,'' concludes Perlman. ``Because we didn't go into it with the idea of selling a bunch of records. If it sells, it sells. And if not, it's still a great record, and we had a great time doing it. And I think we all needed to make a record like that.''

[junker-town]

NBA mock draft 2017: The lottery gods smile upon the Lakers

We used ESPN’s lottery machine to randomize the order for this mock draft. Of course the Lakers took No. 1.

The Los Angeles Lakers have every incentive to lose right now. Instead, Luke Walton’s team keeps winning with blatant disregard for their lottery chances.

The Lakers won their fourth straight game on Sunday night when D’Angelo Russell beat the Minnesota Timberwolves at the buzzer. This recent streak dropped their odds of winning the lottery from a 19.9 percent to 15.6 percent. LA’s pick goes to the Philadelphia 76ers if it lands outside the top-3. If that happens, the Lakers also owe their 2019 first rounder to the Orlando Magic.

If the Lakers do land in the top-3, they get to keep both picks.

The future of the league’s premier franchise is directly tied to the whim of ping-pong balls. We know the NBA hates tanking, and the Lakers haven’t done it in spite of their best interests. Will they be rewarded for their competitive spirit?

In this mock draft, they are. The order here was determined by ESPN’s lottery machine, and it landed the Lakers at No. 1 on the first spin. Just for fun, I replayed it a second time, and the Hornets got the top pick with just a 0.7 percent chance. The Lakers, meanwhile, lost both picks by finishing No. 5.

1. Los Angeles Lakers - Markelle Fultz, PG, Washington

The dream scenario for the Lakers would set up a fascinating decision at No. 1: consensus pick Markelle Fultz vs. hometown hero Lonzo Ball. ESPN actually has the Lakers taking Ball in this scenario. The smart money is still on the allure of Fultz being too much to pass on.

Fultz has no apparent weaknesses in his game. He has great size, shoots well from the outside, thrives in the pick-and-roll and is capable of making game-changing plays on defense. Just check out our compilation of his best chase-down blocks from earlier this year:

2. Boston Celtics - Lonzo Ball, PG, UCLA

The Celtics don’t have a guard on the roster with Ball’s combination of size, shooting and elite basketball IQ. He would be able to play with Isaiah Thomas or run the show when Thomas is on the bench.?

Josh Jackson wouldn’t be a bad option, either. Boston hit on Jaylen Brown a year ago, and Jackson would let them go all-in on athletic, two-way wings. Ball’s shooting ability gives him the tie-breaker.

3. Philadelphia 76ers - Josh Jackson, SF, Philadelphia

Yes, the Sixers need shooters if Ben Simmons is going to be their primary creator. Yes, shooting is still the biggest hole in Jackson’s skill set even after a hot stretch to close the year boosted his three-point percentage to a respectable 37.8 percent. Jackson simply brings too much else to the table at a position of need for Philly to pass on him.

The Sixers’ defense improved from No. 25 to No. 15 this season, and adding Jackson would be another step towards becoming an elite defensive team. He has the athleticism to get out in transition and run with Simmons. His passing ability will help him play with two other stars, too. NBA teams will have to investigate a troubling episode where he allegedly attacked a teammate’s ex-girlfriend’s car.

4. Phoenix Suns - Jayson Tatum, SF, Duke

Tatum was just starting to hit a groove when Duke was upset by South Carolina in the second round of the NCAA tournament. He was the best player in the ACC tournament — scoring 19 or more in every game during the Blue Devils’ title run. As a former top-recruit, NBA scouts have been tracking him for years. For the most part, he lived up to the hype as a college freshman.

5. Orlando Magic - Dennis Smith Jr., PG, NC State

The Magic have lacked an identity since trading Dwight Howard in 2013. Smith could change that. At his best, Smith is the type of lead guard who looks like he’s shot out of a cannon. Strong, fast and explosive around the rim, he could give Orlando the jolt it’s been seeking for years.

6. New York Knicks - De’Aaron Fox, PG, Kentucky

Throw the Triangle in the trash and let De’Aaron Fox run wild. The Kentucky point guard is the fastest player in this draft. He has the potential to be one of the best defenders and playmakers, too. His three-point shot is an obvious flaw, but he proved capable of putting up big numbers without one. His dominance of Lonzo Ball in the Sweet 16 was arguably the most impressive individual performance of the season.

7. Sacramento Kings - Jonathan Isaac, SF, Florida State

If the Kings kept DeMarcus Cousins, there was a good chance their first rounder would have went to the Chicago Bulls as a pick falling outside the top-10. Instead, Sacramento will have two top-10 picks it badly needs to nail to rejuvenate the franchise post-Boogie.

Isaac would be a great start. The 6’11 wing has quick feet and a developing three-point stroke. He projects as a super role player with the potential to grow into something even more.

8. Minnesota Timberwolves - Lauri Markkanen, PF, Arizona

The Wolves have a lottery pick at point guard (two, actually), shooting guard, small forward and center. All they’re missing is a power forward. Markkanen is a 7-footer who doubles as one of the draft’s best shooters. He could provide necessary driving lanes for Andrew Wiggins and Zach LaVine while Karl-Anthony Towns helps him out on the defensive end.

9. Dallas Mavericks - Malik Monk, G, Kentucky

Monk runs hot and cold, but when he’s on he’s arguably the most electric scorer in this class. His 47-point performance against North Carolina — aided by eight three-pointers — stands out as one of the highlights of the college season. Dallas has plenty of minutes available in the backcourt and could even start to groom Monk as a point guard for down the road.

10. Sacramento Kings - Frank Ntilikina, PG, France

The Kings go to France for an 18-year-old point guard who looks like he could project as a 3-&-D prospect in the vein of George Hill or Patrick Beverley. Pairing him with Isaac in the top-10 would give the Kings length and athleticism at two positions of need.

11. Charlotte Hornets - Miles Bridges, F, Michigan

What is Miles Bridges in the NBA? Is he reliable enough on both ends to be a 3-&-D wing? At 6’6, is he big enough to be a small ball four? Some team in the lottery will look at his elite athleticism and bet he can figure it out either way. Bridges should be one of the best dunkers in the league the minute he enters it.

12. Detroit Pistons - Zach Collins, C, Gonzaga

Collins was thought to be on the fence about returning to school before Gonzaga’s run to the championship game. Now he’s a likely lottery pick if he decides to come out. His six blocks against South Carolina in the Final Four showed his defensive potential. On offense, he’s a developing shooter and capable post scorer.

13. Denver Nuggets - OG Anunoby, SF, Indiana

It’s going to take a leap of faith for someone to draft OG Anunoby after his ACL tear in January. The Nuggets are in prime position to make it. Denver drafted a pair of scoring guards last year in Jamal Murray and Malik Beasley. They have a superstar at center in Nikola Jokic. What Denver needs now is a versatile athlete who can defend multiple positions and cover up mistakes. Anunoby could be that type of player.

14. Miami Heat - Harry Giles, C, Duke

The Heat’s training staff is one of the best in the league. That could make them willing to roll the dice on Giles, the former top recruit who was slowed down by repeated knee injuries in his one year at Duke. If Giles can stay healthy, he could be a major steal at this point in the draft.

15. Chicago Bulls - Justin Jackson, SF, North Carolina

Jackson fits the mold of the type of player the Bulls like. He’s a college veteran who grew as a shooter in his junior year and was the catalyst for North Carolina’s run to the national championship. He’ll need to prove his three-point shot is for real and that he can defend stronger, more athletic wings at the next level.

16. Portland Trail Blazers - Kostja Mushidi, SG, Belgium

Mushidi looked great at the Nike Hoop Summit last week, lighting it up from three-point range and showing an ability to create off the dribble. It seems like there’s a top pick from Mega Leks every year and he gets the honor in this draft.

17. Indiana Pacers - Terrance Ferguson, SG, Adelaide (NBL)

Ferguson had a rough year playing professionally in Australia, but he’ll get drafted somewhere around here because of his athleticism and shooting ability. T-Ferg hit 7-of-11 threes in last year’s Nike Hoop Summit and can also windmill from the free throw line. Here’s proof:

18. Milwaukee Bucks - D.J. Wilson, PF/C, Michigan

No one has Wilson rated this highly, but that didn’t stop the Bucks from drafting Giannis Antetokounmpo and Thon Maker. At 6’10, 240 pounds, Wilson hit 41 threes (at 37.5 percent) and blocked 51 shots for Michigan as a junior. If Milwaukee is looking for an insurance policy for Jabari Parker, Wilson might be worth a shot.

19. Atlanta Hawks - Jarrett Allen, C, Texas

The Hawks are in prime position to develop a young center with Dwight Howard having two years left on his contract. Jarrett Allen gets the edge here over Creighton’s Justin Patton and Wake Forest’s John Collins because he projects as the best two-way player of the three. Allen is raw, but it’s hard to find a young big man with his combination of quickness and length.

20. Portland Trail Blazers - Isaiah Hartenstein, PF/C, Germany

NBA scouts got a good look at Hartenstein at last week’s Nike Hoop Summit, where he finished with 10 points in the game. He’s a big body with a developing face-up game.

21. Oklahoma City Thunder - John Collins, PF/C, Wake Forest

Collins is a super efficient scorer around the rim who could give the Thunder a cheaper alternative to Enes Kanter.

22. Brooklyn Nets - Ivan Rabb, PF, Cal

Rabb was supposed to be one of the best players in the country as a sophomore. Instead, his numbers barely rose from his freshman year while his shooting percentage tanked. It’s hard to know what to make of him in this draft, but a spot in the 20s feels fair.

23. Utah Jazz - Donovan Mitchell, SG, Louisville

Mitchell has one of the most difficult stay-or-go decisions in this draft. If he comes back, Louisville could be the preseason No. 1 with championship aspirations. NBA teams might fall in love with his athleticism at the draft combine, too. This is one to monitor.

24. Toronto Raptors - Rodions Kurucs, SG, Barcelona II

A draft-and-stash option who could potentially turn into a 6’8 wing shooter.

25. Orlando Magic - Luke Kennard, SG, Duke

When everyone expected Grayson Allen to be the best player in America, he wasn’t even the best shooting guard on his team. Kennard is an assassin scorer who will find a role in the league as a shooter.

26. Brooklyn Nets - Monte Morris, PG, Iowa State

The Assist-to-Turnover Ratio Gawd was a beloved figure in college basketball. Nets fans should like him, too.

27. Portland Trail Blazers - T.J. Leaf, PF, UCLA

Lonzo Ball got all of the attention for UCLA this year, but Leaf quietly led the Bruins in scoring. Portland could use a front court shooter.

28. Los Angeles Lakers - Tyler Lydon, PF, Syracuse

Lydon can really shoot the ball and he’s also a feisty rebounder. The sophomore would be a good value in this spot.

29. San Antonio Spurs - Justin Patton, C, Creighton

Patton is late blooming center who turned into a potential first rounder after a redshirt season. He moves well for a big man and should make defense his calling-card.

30. Utah Jazz - Bonzie Colson, PF, Notre Dame

Colson makes up for his lack of height (6’5) with a 7-foot wingspan and 43 percent shooting from deep. He’s a high IQ player who dominated the ACC this year. It wouldn’t surprise anyone who watched him at Notre Dame if he carved out a role in the league.