#we have to give those a break i relied too heavily on them [mostly joking]

[zymstarz]

anyone got any good video essays to listen to while i try and deep clean my whole house lol

[momentofmemory]

FICTOBER 2020 - day thirty-one

Prompt #31: “I trust you.”

Fandom: Teen Wolf

Characters: Stiles Stilinski, Scott McCall.

Words: 2218

Author’s Note: an underappreciated aspect of chess culture? games played for fun are called Skittles. set post 5B, Scott & Stiles take a break to play a game of chess, and wind up talking about a whole lot more than just a game. Gen fic, Scott & Stiles focus. Stiles POV.

>> j’adoube (i adjust)

Stiles tosses his pen in the air. Watches it flip, twice. Catches it, barely. Toss and repeat.

“Hey, Scott.”

Scott, who’s sitting across from him at the desk, just grunts without looking up. They’ve been going over scholarships together for the past three hours, and it’s the most mind-numbing use of a Saturday Stiles has had in a very long time.

Which, considering most of his Saturdays have been more of the terrifyingly bloody variety, is probably still preferable. But still.

“Scoooooooott.”

Scott flips to the next page. “Mm?”

Stiles throws his pen at him and smacks him squarely across the face.

“Ow, Stiles—what?”

Stiles flips over onto his stomach, triumphant to have finally gotten Scott’s full attention. “You wanna play a game?”

Scott puts his own pen down and leans back in the chair, stretching and popping in a way that suggests being hunched over for that long is unpleasant for even a werewolf. “What kind? Board game?”

Stiles grins.

Board games, to his mind, are sacrosanct.

Not necessarily because he loves them—given a free range of choices, he’d rather do just about anything else—but because it’s so easy for them to suck.

Yahtzee, Monopoly, Shoots and Ladders, Candy Land, Sorry, even Risk—there’s just too much luck involved for his taste. Draw randomized but predetermined cards, roll uncontrollable dice. And that’s not even touching the disaster that’s Life, where the only two choices that ever matter are college or career, kids or no kids.

Absolutely nothing about bite or no bite, or possession or no possession.

Or ‘betrayed by a monster that gets your best friend killed and your crush of five years committed to an asylum,’ but.

Either way, it’s a joke.

There are better board games. Clue or Scrabble, which still rely on the hand that’s dealt, but at least can be salvaged with enough knowledge and strategy.

But he has the best one in mind for today.

“Chess?”

Scott’s eyes light up with a competitive glint Stiles feels like he hasn’t seen in ages, and he knows he’s won.

“I could do a round or two,” Scott says.

“Oh, thank god—”

“But, then we have to get back to work on these.”

“Yep, uh-huh, absolutely,” Stiles says, rolling off the bed and hunting underneath it for his set.

He fully intends to bribe Scott into playing way more than that, but one thing at a time.

His fingers close over the wooden case and he draws it out, blowing a bit of dust off the top. He turns it over in his hands.

If board games are sacrosanct, then chess is the holy grail.

Most people don’t get the attraction, and he respects that. It takes a certain level of concentration to be good at chess, and considering how many strategy books he’s read on the topic—even if he rarely remembers them—he can beat a casual player without too much effort. Plus, most people prefer games that don’t require much thought, perfectly wiling to just roll their dice and move their mice.

Stiles respects that a lot less.

What he likes about chess is that it’s the one game that’s completely and totally winnable every time—with no variation from chance or random dealing. He might be outmatched, but he’s not outnumbered.

Every choice he makes is fully his own.

It’s the best game.

The only marginal difference is that white has a slight advantage, as it gets to go first, so as Stiles tosses the set onto the bed he says, “I can be black this time.”

Scott barely glances up from the scholarship he’s still worrying himself over. “Hm? No, that’s okay, I don’t mind. You can take white.”

Stiles rolls his eyes and flops onto the bed. “You’ve been black the past like, eight times we’ve played. You’re white this time.”

“Stiles, I really don’t care if you want it.”

It’s an innocuous statement, but Stiles’ temper flares because all he can hear is that Scott thinks he needs the advantage—even if it’s one that, statistically, barely even matters. “What, because you don’t think I can beat you otherwise?”

“What? No, Stiles, I—” Scott falls silent, and it’s enough to instantly cool Stiles’ frustration. “I just—never mind. I can be white.”

Stiles hesitates for a few beats, then turns the board and starts setting the pieces up so the white ones are facing Scott.

He pauses. He’s been trying to pay more attention to Scott lately, but it’s hard—Scott tends to fold pretty quickly on smaller issues, and he tends to—

Well.

Not.

“Then again,” he tries, “I guess it doesn’t really matter—”

“You asked me to play white, so I’ll play white.” Scott’s voice is flat. “You were right; we haven’t switched it up in a while, so it’s only fair. Just give me a sec to finish this.”

“…Okay.”

Stiles toys with the edge of the board as he waits for Scott to finish restacking the papers.

One of the reasons Stiles likes chess is because it makes for a surprisingly good Rorschach test, and he’s played it with every member of the pack at some point or another.

Liam’s not much of a challenge, mostly because he’s made it clear he doesn’t care. The one time they played, he’d started strong—aiming to capture more than aiming to secure—but his failure to consider long-term strategy had gotten him into trouble almost immediately. With Malia, she has a good concept of how to control the center of the board, and favors trap-based strategy, but her ability to pay attention to her opponent’s gameplay is usually her downfall. Lydia tends to focus on a bishop and pawn strategy, which works very well for her mostly because it infuriates Stiles—his own strategy relies heavily on a more spontaneous approach to movement, and her method thoroughly demarcates most of the board. That’s probably why he enjoys playing with Kira, whose strategy rotates every time they play—as soon as he’d introduced her to the game, she’d started binging chess tutorials at speeds that put his own research to shame.

He hasn’t had the chance to play with the new pack members, but he has his guesses as to how that will go. Mason will play circles around him, but be super nice about it. Hayden will either trounce him thoroughly if she cares, or lose terribly if she doesn’t, and there will be nothing in between. Corey… Corey will probably favor the knights, which will make him hard to beat on the front end, but almost impossible to lose to in the endgame.

But he can work with that. All of those strategies make sense; make it easier for him to understand and categorize them.

He looks down at the white and black pieces, standing silently in anticipation of the match.

He can’t think of any reason Scott would want to reject the advantage, unless it was just for his benefit, but he hadn’t appeared to be lying.

And now Scott probably won’t tell him because he’d snapped at him instead of just asking.

Stiles winces and rakes his hands through his hair.

It’s just a chess preference. It’s not like it matters.

Except it does, because everything between them feels so fragile after Theo.

Stiles’ thoughts are interrupted when Scott vaults onto the bed, accidentally knocking one of the pawns forward as the board lists to the side.

“Whoops,” Scott says. The tiniest of smirks appears on his face as he moves to fix it. “J’adoube.”

Stiles rolls his eyes. “You don’t have to announce that that’s not your move when I can clearly see what just happened.”

“Can’t be too careful,” Scott says, adjusting the piece. “You’ve definitely called me out for less in the past.”

“You tried to change your mind after wrapping your whole hand around a bishop! How is that less?”

Scott shrugs, and Stiles is relieved he doesn’t seem to be bothered about the pieces anymore. “I’m just saying. Can’t be too careful.”

“A mindset I would normally endorse wholeheartedly, however.”

Scott laughs, then settles in cross-legged and stares down at the board, elbows resting on his knees and face furrowed in contemplation.

Stiles glances at Scott, then at board, then back at Scott again.

Scott doesn’t move.

Suddenly, it’s really bothering Stiles that despite having played with him more than anyone else, despite knowing him better than anyone else, Stiles still doesn’t understand why Scott plays the way he does.

It’s not that Scott’s exceptionally bad, or that Scott’s exceptionally good. It’s that he’s both.

When he plays with Stiles, he matches him step for step, pivoting his goals almost as quickly as Stiles does. But the few times Stiles’ seen Scott play with others, that ability seems to vanish—his level of competence almost directly mapped onto the level of the person he’s playing with, above or below where Stiles would expect it.

It doesn’t make sense, but that’s just Scott. Stiles had long since acknowledged that there were always going to be some things that didn’t make sense about his best friend.

That was before Theo. Before everything that was Scott & Stiles fell apart.

And also, Scott still hasn’t moved.

“Hey Scott?” Stiles waits until he glances up at him, chin still resting in his hands. “You gonna go, bud?”

“Yeah,” Scott says. He blinks down at the board. “There’s just… a lot of options.”

“Okay, right, that’s true,” Stiles says. “But it’s also just the first move.”

“Yeah.”

Scott reaches out and touches the pawn from before. He hovers there for a moment, then retracts his hand—the pawn still unmoved.

Stiles clears his throat.

“Really? You want me to—” Scott sighs. “J’adoube.”

“Technically, you’re supposed to say that before you touch it.”

“And technically, you said I didn’t have to say it earlier, so that one could count for the one I just did.”

“Bro,” Stiles says, because this is getting ridiculous. “Literally just move the pawn. Or a knight. Or any of the other pawns. There are zero other options.”

“I know, I know,” Scott says. “I just… what if I move this piece, and then you move like your knight or something, and it turns out I made the wrong move?”

Stiles squints at him. “It’s your move. Why would my move, which comes afterward, make yours wrong?”

“Because I have to stop your plan.”

“Right, but like.” Stiles tilts his head. “What about your plan?”

“That is my plan.”

Stiles’ brain short circuits, and he spins rapidly through every game he’s ever watched Scott play. “So—so wait. You mean every time you’re playing you’re just… trying to figure out your opponent’s plan? You’re not making one of your own?”

“I mean, kinda?” Scott reaches for the pawn again, then pauses before touching it. “J’adoube.”

“Yeah, whatever, just move the pawn,” Stiles says. “So earlier, it wasn’t about wanting me to have an advantage; you wanted black because… it’s to your advantage?”

Scott spins the pawn around in a slow circle, then lets go of it without moving its position. Again.

“I guess,” he says. “You like playing white better and I like black better, so it just… makes more sense to let us play the ones we actually prefer.”

“Then why didn’t you just say that?”

Scott shrugs. “It just seemed like it was important to you, and I… I didn’t want to argue.” His eyes drop, and so does his voice. “I don’t want to argue with you anymore.”

Something clicks in Stiles’ mind. “J’adoube.”

“Uh,” Scott looks pointedly at the pieces, which are still unmoved, and his hands, which aren’t anywhere near them. “What?”

“‘I adjust,’” Stiles says. “That’s what you’ve been doing. Adjusting your plan to match mine, or—or anyone else.”

Scott picks at the edge of his sleeve. “And that’s bad?”

“Um.” Stiles hasn’t gotten that far. “No? I mean like, you’re clearly very good at it. You’ve definitely beat me enough times doing it.”

“I sense a ‘but.’”

“See, there you go, anticipating me again. You’re a pro.”

“Stiles.”

“Yeah, okay, the point.” Stiles glances down at the chessboard—and then at the pile of scholarships, too. “Look, I’m just saying you gotta just take the shot sometimes. Or move the pawn. Whatever. My point is, it’s okay to make your own plans.”

Scott shifts a bit to look behind him at the paperwork, something both worried and hopeful in his expression.

“And then, y’know,” Stiles continues, “you can always adjust them later if you have to. But you don’t have to start out that way.”

Scott picks up the pawn and turns it about in his fingers. He bites his lip. “And… you trust this to work?”

“Nah, man.” Stiles settles back against the wall and nods towards the board. “It’s the first move; I have no idea how it’ll play out. But… I trust you enough to know that you can handle it if it doesn’t.”

Scott’s eyes get suspiciously bright, but Stiles doesn’t comment. “I trust you, too.”

(And, well.)

(If Stiles’ eyes get a little bright too, no one comments on that either.)

Scott moves the pawn to e4, and lets it go.

[briapia95]

An analysis, many interpretations, and comments on the interactions between WWX and LWJ in Chapter 25: Malice —Part 3

I feel like this chapter [and the last couple of paragraphs from the previous chapter] is gold and all that happens between those two is so interesting and bittersweet to read. And it also gives me so many feelings because you can feel the yearning in-between the lines.

By this point, they’ve have reunited after LWJ went after the person running away from the man-eating castle and WWX has managed to run away from JC and transfers JL curse mark.

Just by the end of the previous chapter we are given this small piece: [consider that WWX is coming late to the meeting point]

[...] the white-robed figure stood at the end of the street, standing motionless with his head hung low.

Before Wei Wuxian made any sound, Lan Wangji looked up and saw him. After some hesitation, he walked over with a darkened expresion.

Wei Wuxian didn’t know why, but he involuntarily took a step backward.

He could almost see scarlet streaks of blood by the corners of Lan Wangji’s eyes. He had to admit... Lan Wangji’s face really did look quite scary.

So, it’s quite clear to me that LWJ was not angry but instead scared, and deeply scared as that. The novel has stated several times that WWX used to teased him so much and in such a high degree in the past because it was difficult to get a reaction out of LWJ. But now? Now it only took for WWX to take longer than it was expected to get such a reaction from LWJ.

And of course, the man is scared out of his life. The last time he left WWX behind in a hostile situation was also the last time he ever saw him alive, if it was any other character they would not have risked doing so again. But despite all of that, he chose to trust WWX’s judgment and go after NHS so as to not lose track of him while WWX took JL so safety, even when LWJ knew there was a high possibility that JC was around. [which turned out to be correct]

So now he sees WWX coming back to him and it’s such a relief that even in his stoicism WWX is able to gather that something was happening with LWJ [pity he misunderstood what emotions were going through LWJ at that moment]

Now to the actual chapter I was supposed to be talking about:

WWX, having being attacked with zidian and bearing the curse mark, staggers and almost fall if not for LWJ

[...] thightly gripped his wrist like what he did last time, back in Dafan Mountain.

Wangxian.mp3 playing in the distance.

So now we have two things that really made me laugh:

WWX being flustered because LWJ knelt in front of him to look at his wounds.

I love how even as WWX proclaims to have such a thick face, yet he still gets easily flustered by such small things.

And the famous “... I only left for a few [fucking] hours” phrase from LWJ.

I mean I’m pretty sure inside his head LWJ was screaming so many curses because yes. By this point, WWX has been with him for days and nothing has happened to the other man. Not even with the failed evocation at the Mingshi with NMJ arm. And now he has left WWX out of his sight for |this| short amount of time and look at what happened to him. LWJ is screaming and suffering internally. And WWX is downplaying the seriousness of his injuries. Please give the man a break WWX.

And just when WWX starts to walk towards the shop where NHS is located, we get this:

Lan Wangji stood behind him. He suddenly called out, “Wei Ying.”

Wei Wuxian’s figure paused. A second later, he pretended as if he didn’t hear the name, and answered, “What?”

Idk about you guys but if this is not a heavily charged moment idk what it would be. Because this is the first time LWJ directly calls WWX on his bluff. He’s literally offering him a hand. Tentatively he’s saying “I’m here, you don’t need to hide, you can rely on me”, but at the same time If WWX had chosen to ignore the call he could have easily done so because LWJ is not imposing. Yet WWX chose to tentatively reach back. And IDK, this part causes so many emotions in me, because, for all of what they both remember, their last interactions pre-WWX’s reviving were terrible hostile.

LWJ then states the obvious, 1) you transferred JL’s curse mark to yourself, and 2) you met JC.

And WWX delivers this harsh truth

[...] “As long as both of us are alive in this world, we’d meet for sure, sooner or later.”

Here WWX furthermore confirms his true identity but also I think he implies something quite sad. If he and JC are both alive they’ll keep meeting, they’ll keep hurting each other, and sooner or later one of them will end up dead. And LWJ is not stupid, he catches on quite fast, so he replies:

[...] “Do not go...”

And this little sentence is so many things in such a few little words at the same time. ‘Don’t go meet him, don’t leave me behind, let me protect you, you don’t need to die and leave again.’

And of course, WWX being who he is by this point of the novel, deflects. Because if he’s good at something it's to change the subject and joke around when he’s placed on a tight spot that involves opening-up to face harsh feelings.

[...] If I don’t go, how am I supposed to leave? Are you gonna carry me on you back or something?”

WWX said this because he knew it worked in the past, that LWJ has shot down similar requests in his first life. But, at LWJ’s lack of response, he knew his deflection didn’t really work as he planned to, maybe LWJ would leave the subject to rest but WWX would not be able to tease him into forgetting the conversation.

And LWJ totally does just that, he goes and tries to carry WWX, just like WWX did when they were teenagers, and now is WWX turn to be flustered again.

There’s a little part that stood out for me in this whole scene.

[...] Lan Wangji walked in front of him, as if he really was going to bend down, kneel, and carry Wei Wuxian on his back, despite his honorable status.

And is such a small throwaway line that almost goes unnoticed but it reflects one of the main obstacles WWX has to overcome. WWX does not think of him as an equal to LWJ. And how could he? First, he was the son of a servant, no matter how talented he was in contrast to the second Jade of gusu. Then he was reviled as the Yilling Patriarch, the scum of the cultivation world, in contrast to Hanguang-Jun, the light bringer. He was persecuted and killed and while LWJ was revered. It’s a sad life the one that WWX lived on his first life if you think about it. And WWX is totally aware of these differences in social status and the comparisons other people drew. He might be able to boast that in skill they're equals, but that's it. Outside that he was always regarded as the inferior, that's something I think plays a heavy hand in his belief that the only reason LWJ wanted to bring him back to gusu was to punish him.

As for LWJ’s part, we have this moment after WWX denies being carried

After a moment of silence, Lan Wangji responded, “But you have also carried me on your back before.”

Wei Wuxian, “Did such a thing ever happen? Why don’t I remember?”

Lan Wangji answered in an indifferent tone, “You never remember such things.”

First, we have a vulnerable moment when LWJ tries to reminisce a treasured memory and then goes to quietly exasperated with a dash of disappointment. Because as I stated before, I truly believe WWX did remember the time he offered to carry LWJ in his back, the phrasing is too deliberate to be a coincidence, and LWJ knows it too but also knows that indeed WWX tends to forget many things -read Wangxian.mp3 [the entire reason he figured who you were WWX omg]- so he also can't be sure if WWX is playing into the oblivious character he tries to pull or if he truly doesn't remember. So he doesn't press the matter further but also is not going to let WWX tease him into forgetting he's been hurt.

LWJ has evolved, he now actually can take WWX teasing and keep up with it too, that’s why he ends up carrying him bridal-stile. (To WWX further embarrassment). But being the tease we know WWX, he escalates his antics, starting to play with the front of LWJ clothes as he’s been carried -aka flirting, you are not fooling anyone here WWX- and LWJ just goes along with it. And, of course, he will! He waited 13 years for you WWX with no hope of ever seeing you again, he’s not gonna let this chance go to waste.

Then WWX decides to ask what’s been on his mind since Dafan Mountain, “how the [dolphin noises] did you know it was me? And even since the begging too!” And LWJ here chooses to answer him with a non-reply, the kind of when he's saying the truth but he knows the other person will not understand what's he's saying (his favorite form of communication).

[...] “You told me yourself”

I feel like mostly this is a way of defense LWJ uses when he's also avoiding telling people what he really wants to say, either because he does not care what the other interprets and/or is subtly insulting them -see his treatment of JC and JGY- but he will still be courteous when doing so or because he's afraid of the reaction the other person could have if he's being completely honest -WWX rejecting him if he links together that wangxian.mp3 = you've had feeling for me ever since then = I remembered I rejected you so I’ll reject you again. But also is a way of subtly letting WWX in, as if to say, ‘I know you rejected me but my feelings are the same’. And the moment WWX is unable to figure it out this happens:

It seemed as if something had sent ripples through Lan Wangji’s eyes. Yet, the slight waves faded immediately, and his eyes were a still pool of water again.

Oh LWJ you poor suffering fool, I don’t blame him since for all that he knows WWX rejected his feelings already. But also, this is why communication is important guys, non-replies are cool and everything but if LWJ had said something else, anything else that hinted at the reason he was able to recognize WWX, so much pining would have been spared. But alas.

This is getting longer than I expected but there are two more points I want to touch.

When they arrived in front of the door of the room where NHS is staying at and WWX ask LWJ to let him down so that he can open the door. It goes like this

Before he finished his words, Lan Wangji did something that was extremely impolite. It was possibly the first time in his whole life that he had ever done such a rude act.

Carrying Wei Wuxian, he kicked the door open.

And I really love this part.

I remember reading a while back a meta that said that in WWX’s first life LWJ had tried to be the bridge that connected WWX with the “righteous” path, that he was trying to bring him back to the “right and accepted” side, but in WWX’s second life LWJ pretty much says, ‘I’ll walk alongside you in any path you chose’.

And this paragraph is LWJ's character evolution in a nutshell. It was shown in little glimpses before like with the scene of WWX finding the secret stash of emperor’s smile at the Jingshi or the whip scars on LJW’s back. But nothing is so blatantly stated regarding this change in LWJ’s character previous this moment. The “I will stay with you and help you forge a path where we can both walk freely” is this small moment when LWJ prefers to keep WWX in his arms and just slam the door open than letting him on his feet to open the door because it's the proper thing to do that we know LWJ will always choose WWX and not try to find compromises as he did on WWX’s first life. Something that goes against everything he was taught about property probably. And he’s doing it without a single hesitation. If that’s not love and devotion I don’t know what it is.

And now, the last part I wanted to bring into attention; right after LWJ startles NHS when kicking the door open and walking with WWX on his arms:

Acting as if he didn’t see anything, Lan Wangji carried Wei Wuxian inside and put him in the bamboo mat.

LWJ just showing so much care for his beloved Yilling Patriarch. He will make sure that WWX is safe and comfy before continuing with this very serious investigation. All because on WWX’s last life, LWJ was not able to provide him this sort of affection and care he always wished for. But now he’ll make sure as hell that he’ll be able to bring comfort to his beloved, no matter the situation because he actually can do it and he sure is not going to be wasting this second chance.

And that’s it, I feel like this chapter is Wangxian in a nutshell. The chapter underlays the feelings, characterization, interactions, and arcs that will be explored through the rest of the book. And it’s why it gives me so many emotions while reading it.

Omg, this turned out so much longer than I thought. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk I guess xD

[more rambles]

[kazdoesntknow]

The Return, Pt. 2

aka im a lazy shit and can’t seem to write a story where there are genuine chapters because my mind says “no, do this first!” so i’m doing parts so then you guys can somewhat get the timeline. somewhat.

PLOT: a week after leo's return, him and raph attempt to break the tension between them, but it does not go as raph had planned.

CHARACTERS: leonardo, raphael.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: family argument, cursing, death mentions, self harm mention.

They both look at each other, emerald green eyes meeting an oceanic teal, brother facing brother. Raph had previously thought Leo to be dead in the two years he had been missing. He’d never thought his little brother would ever be returned to him, until a week ago, where it was as if Leo had returned from his grave and left a piece of himself inside it. His brother, who had previously been haunting his nightmares in presumed death, had been revealed to be in the land of the living, at least physically.

But he’s different now. Holds a sadder ambiance, the air of a man who has been broken too many times and now struggled to keep on going. Two years prior, Leo had been this constantly buzzing social butterfly with jokes easy on his lips and a grin stitched across his face. Now, there was no sign of any happiness within him. Only dull eyes- one that brilliant teal, the other blind and scarred and burned with that milky blue pupil holding a glare within it, surrounded by the bloodshot appearance of the white of his eye. His bandana was missing and he hadn’t taken it upon himself to grab another from his room, his plastron scarred from what Raph assumes being cut into, the wounds scattered across his body making Raph’s mind cower in fear every time he looked at them. Leo.... he had walked through Hell and exchanged secrets with the Devil, learned the world’s closest regrets and now beheld them. Knocked on Death’s door and left after supper.

Raphael has no idea what to say. So he starts quietly with a fragile attempt. “You.... came back.”

Leo’s gaze lifts to meet the red-clad turtle’s green one. Those eyes accusatory, but of what, Raph couldn’t tell. Though he also isn’t sure if he’s imagining it or not, either. “I promised, didn’t I?” The words sound like something the old Leo would say, but the tone was all wrong. Not holding that joy, that bright charisma, that snarky attitude. Just.... bland. Emotionless.

“I... Leo, I know you promised, but it’s been so long that I-”

“You thought I was dead and gave up.” Leo cuts him off sharply, and Raph falls quiet. “You gave up on searching. Fine.” His gaze drops back to the cup of tea he has in his hands. His sleep time tea, something to make him fall asleep, but it had never worked on the insomniac before.

“I’m sorry.”

Leo doesn’t bother with a reply, nor does he bother to acknowledge his elder brother. He just brings the hot tea cup to his lips, sipping it quietly. Sets it down with a clink against the wooden table.

“I should’ve known. Should’ve kept looking. Shouldn’t have lost you in the first place.” He’s ashamed of it. Hates himself for it. “We should have listened to your plan and trusted you. You’re.... You’re our rightful leader.”

“Doesn’t matter now, does it?”

“’Course it does. We gotta get our home back.”

“No, we have to make sure everybody is good enough to fight first.” Leo’s quick to shoot down Raph’s words, his eyes still trained on the cup, as if it were more important. “You can’t bring a team to fight if no one’s head is in the game, Raph. You blame yourself for what happened to me. Mikey’s afraid that one of us will die or get kidnapped again and refuses to believe that reality is the way it is. Donnie cut one of his arms off for what he says is self improvement, but what is really him trying to understand what happened to me. Miko’s blaming herself for Dad’s death. April and Casey are off playing vigilante behind your back. And Lavi’s trying to keep everybody stable when she herself isn’t.” He rises to his feet, his tea returning to it’s spot in his hand. “Two years, Raph. Two years I was thought to be dead. You should have done something. Everyone’s divided- you and Mikey on one side, April and Casey on the other, Donnie and Miko somewhere in between, and Lavi running around trying to keep you all sane.” His gaze hardens, and something in it reads to Raph as hatred and disgust, but Leo couldn’t possibly hate him.... could he? “I had been home for a day and I noticed all of this. This isn’t a team, Raphael. I’m not even sure it’s a family.”

“It ain’t like that. We all love each other.”

“And yet you all fell apart. That love’s fading. You hardly support each other anymore.”

“You weren’t here, so you wouldn’t know that.”

“You’re right! I wasn’t here, because I took a risk so you could all live happily as a family, and look where that got me!” His voice rises to a shout, that anger that was trapped inside him flowing out. Raph had wanted Leo to show some sort of emotion, and apparently Leo was dealing out anger. “I’ve been experimented on, burned, stabbed, sawed into, drugged, injected with who knows what, and then i fought tooth and nail to get back to my family where I thought I’d be able to be happy and safe again only to realize that my abduction had caused you all to seperate!” His free hand waves around as he speaks. “This isn’t the home I loved. This isn’t the team I worked with and trusted. This isn’t the family who I was raised with. Fuck, I don’t even know what this is, but I know it’s broken.”

Raph frowns- was this really what Leo thought? That everything was broken and in shambles? Tears burn in his eyes and he looks away. In a way, he was right. Raph and Mikey relied heavily on each other- Mikey on Raph to calm his anxieties, Raph on Mikey for his fear of being alone and being abandoned. Donnie and Miko, where Miko would draw out Donnie’s frustrations and talk them out with him before talking about her own and both pass out somewhere due to emotional exhaustion. April and Casey, in their vigilante routine that Raph knew about but never tried to stop, where they would go and beat up criminals to calm their anger and try to get some justice for what happened. And Lavi, who ran around trying to take care of everyone, and then she’d collapse on the couch and wake up to do it again the next day. They’d split up in pairs rather than talked as a family, even if they all grieved together. Broken apart.

“You’re right. We should have fixed it sooner.”

“Sure. Fixed it.” Leo sighs. “This isn’t something you just fix.”

“Then what the hell are we supposed to do?!”

Leo’s gaze is like fire. Full of anger, of pent up rage he’s onnly barely let out, his wrapped up furies he keeps mostly contained. He only takes a long sip from his tea. Takes a deep inhale to calm his nerves. Then swallows the rest of the tea in one long gulp, letting out a shudder at the taste of it afterwards, as the sleep time tea doesn’t exactly have the best taste, especially when you drink it quickly.

“Well, Raphael,” he says, setting the tea cup in the sink. “You could start by showing that you actually give a shit.”

He turns on a heel and leaves the room, with Raph staring after him. Because as much as his words hurt, he knew he was right.

Raph needs to get his family back.

[foxtophat]

WHOOO BOY okay here we are! i’m all done with another mercy fic!!! that is honestly amazing, startling, thrilling, all that good shit. i am STOKED!!!

i don’t have much to say about it, other than writing kim and john interacting has been so much fun!!! i’m going to have to come up with more reasons for the two of them to hang out. when john and nick talk it’s like fighting words all the time but with kim john can actually just be a tired adult, and i think he might need that sometimes.

so, i took the fic’s title from a new mountain goats song that i really like. it’s very depressing though. even worms turn into butterflies i guess :(

as usual, the chapter is beneath the cut for those of you who don’t want to leave tumblr’s comfortable embrace.  i absolutely adore kudos, comments, likes, reblogs and those passing glances on the street as you wonder “is that the famous author of a tiny fandom’s niche survival au????”  yeah, i see you out there, looking for me. i’m carmen san diego, bitch!!! good luck with that!!!!

love you guys, have a good day, and thanks for putting up with me!!! <3

John might try to couch it in exasperation and paint it as a tactical retreat, but Kim sees him leaving for what it really is: gut instinct telling him to escape. She doesn't blame him for needing space, of course. From the way Nick watches him go, it's clear that the day's been harder than either of them have let on. She's sure that Nick will tell her the details later, but right now, it doesn't look like he has the energy. That's also fine; John's fragile emotional state is easily put on the back-burner. She has more important things to worry about right now. For one thing, she's got eighty pounds of supplies to handle and a family that's uncomfortable with the responsibility.

"It's still too much for us, isn't it," Nick says mournfully. "We gotta give more away, don't we?"

Kim privately admits to herself that she doesn't want to give any more away. Hell, she's even reluctant to give away what might be kept for bargaining later. The boxes of military rations, the ten pounds of salt, the five pounds of rice — they wouldn't have anything to worry about during winter. They wouldn't even have to leave the house if they didn't want to. But John has left all of that in a neutral fifth pile for them to divvy out equally, and Kim can't allow herself to be more selfish than him. That is absolutely unacceptable.

"We can give away the potato flakes," Kim says, diplomatically moving them to the center pile. "If we still don't feel like it's enough, we can give away more. But right now, we need to conserve the resources we have control over." Sighing hard in an attempt to blow stray hairs from her face, she adds, "Honestly, we should check that everything is still good before we decide to give anything away." After all, everything looks fine at a glance, but Kim has seen first-hand just how insidious mold can be in ill-stored supplies. Just because Jacob seemed to be prepared doesn't mean he couldn't make a mistake, and Kim isn't about to trust any Seed implicitly.

"I guess you're right," Nick replies, picking up one of the mylar bags and examining its contents through the clear side. Kim remembers the brand of powdered stock so clearly that if she closes her eyes, she can see exactly where it was stocked on the store shelves. Nick seems to be thinking the same thing, sounding strangely nostalgic as he asks, "You don't think there's still time to spice up dinner, do you?"

"Maybe if you guys had gotten here an hour ago," Kim says. "Much longer on the fire and everything is going to be mushy paste. And, again, we don't know if it's safe to use."

"Can we have these tomorrow?" Carmina asks, lifting one of the packaged rations up for approval.

"Not unless they won't last through winter," Kim replies. "Now, I know none of us are excited about five-day stew, but we can't let edible food go to waste just because there's something tastier in front of us." That doesn't do much to rally the troops, unfortunately, and Kim is stuck feeling like the bad guy, so she tries again. "Salt doesn't really go bad, though — I'm sure we can use that."

Nick accepts the terms of the compromise, thankfully, because he's an adult when he needs to be. He redirects his leftover energy towards the sealed bags, pointing Carmina towards the neutral pile. "Okay, you remember how to check whether something's gone bad, right?"

It's been a while since they've relied on store-bought goods, but Carmina hasn't forgotten best-by dates or how to spot discoloration. It's easy enough for them to determine the rations are still good; although the packaging boasts a dubious "fifty-year shelf-life," all of the wrappers are fresh and odorless. They'll have to open one up to be sure, but Kim isn't getting Carmina excited for that this close to dinner. The rice and salt are also easy passes, which means Kim hasn't made too lofty a promise to her family just by offering basic seasoning.

They don't risk breaking any seals quite yet, not without clean containers to hold everything, but it's easy to do a visual check even without opening anything up. Jacob had done his job well — other than the triple-wrapped bottles of liquor, the cache is entirely dry and moisture-free, and everything stored inside was meant to last. That tracks with what Kim knows of the oldest brother. He had been a sharp-minded survivalist; cunning, ruthless, and hard to outwit. He must have been a meticulous planner, putting all of this together, but Kim is struggling to understand what he had expected to do with it all. Like John had said — what good would food be to a man who had planned to survive the apocalypse inside a fully stocked, industrial bunker? And if he didn't trust the Project to save him, then why did he put so much effort into building its militia?

Jacob's motivations are a mystery that Kim isn't interested in solving. She's just glad that, for whatever reason, he'd buried these supplies in particular, and that he'd bothered to share the location with John. Thanks to his opaque planning, Kim can scratch some pipe-dream items off her supply list, and that's good enough for her. Honestly, food had been the last thing she'd suspected John could help them with — she still has trouble believing it's all here in front of her.

With Nick and Carmina studiously inspecting the cache supplies, Kim takes some time to pull the food from the fire. It's the third day they've eaten from this particular batch of stew, and the newest ingredients she put in today are almost a week old. The only thing she can say in favor of their leftovers at this point is that there isn't a lot of it left. She can only hope the salt helps, otherwise she's going to cave on the military rations herself.

Kim brings the pot into the kitchen, then decides it's time to check on John. There's a slim chance that he might have decided to disappear into the hangar, or walked as far as the end of the drive, and Kim isn't going to stand around shouting for him like some kind of Little Home on the Prairie character. She gives Nick a thumbs up as she heads for the front door; he doesn't stop her, but the crease in his brow tells her he wants to.

There's a path laid in the dirt between the porch and the truck where John clearly had been pacing, but when Kim comes outside, he's sitting motionless on the porch steps. He doesn't react as Kim comes up next to him, his elbows resting on his knees as he presses his forehead against his palms. She can't tell if he's ignoring her on purpose, or if he's just so deep in thought that he doesn't realize she's there. His turmoil tends to give him tunnel-vision, and he doesn't always notice his surroundings.

Kim doesn't think he's trying to give her the silent treatment, so she gives in first. "Dinner's going to be ready any minute," she tells him. "It's going to be the last tasteless meal for a while, so I hope you're excited."

"Thrilled," he replies, with just enough sarcasm for Kim to trust she isn't interrupting him mid-crisis. She gives him a minute, and sure enough, he eventually drops his hands from his face. Sighing heavily, he addresses the dirt when he speaks. "I take it I'll need a good excuse to get out of eating."

"Maybe if you had eaten breakfast, I'd be more willing to look the other way." Even though she knows John won't take her concern seriously, she can't completely hide it under her exasperation. She tries for his sake, but it's a lost cause. "I don't think you've finished a meal in days."

John closes his eyes briefly. "I haven't been hungry," he says.

Kim wishes he would be more petulant about it. She can handle it when John acts like a child — she's got nine years of raising Carmina under her belt, after all — but John's resignation is a weariness that reflects her own. She doesn't know how to help him with it any more than she knows how to help herself. She can hardly help Nick when he gets like this. She has no idea how to handle John.

Kim cranes her neck as she checks on Nick and Carmina, who are still busy with the supplies. Satisfied that they aren't in any immediate danger, she finally takes a seat next to John on the porch. He still doesn't look at her, his eyes fixed on his hands, but she's hardly surprised. She turns her own gaze to the truck, glinting in the sunset, and tries to follow the tire-tracks backward. She bets the dirt's held their tracks all the way back to the field.

"If it makes you feel better, my appetite has been terrible, too. Sometimes, all I can do is try to keep everything down." She sighs, lamenting mostly to herself, "What I wouldn't give for a Big Mac right now."

That earns her an amused huff from John, which is better than she'd expected. If he's able to tolerate her bad jokes, then at least she can be sure she isn't making things worse.

"At least once we get through our leftovers, we'll be able to start adding those emergency rations into rotation," Kim continues. John probably doesn't care about meal planning, but Kim doesn't need him to be an interested sounding board. "And with the extra seasoning, even our leftovers are going to be better than they were." She knows she's pushing it when she tries to relate, but she can't help commenting, "It was lucky that Jacob squirreled so much food away."

"That isn't what he would call it," John heaves. His fingers twist against his jeans. "He was prepared for anything that might happen. Luck had nothing to do with it."

"It was lucky for us," Kim points out. "And, you know... considering how much effort he put into hiding it, I bet he'd be relieved to know that you were able to find it after all this time."

"It doesn't matter what he'd think. He's dead."

John takes a sharp breath after he spits the comment out and Kim watches the regret bloom in real time, his scowl deepening as he stares at the dirt. Sometimes, she suspects he beats himself up like this because they refuse to do it for him. She wishes he would stop, already. It used to annoy her, but lately, it's only managed to make her feel terribly sad.

"Maybe it doesn't matter to him, but it might make you feel better."

John barks out a noise that hardly resembles a laugh. "Nothing is going to make me feel better ," he snaps, his anger flaring up and dissipating too abruptly for him to keep hold of it. All it leaves behind is resignation. "It doesn't matter. He'll just... My nightmares will latch on to anything. Jacob will never be happy in them." He sighs, burying his hands in his hair, twisting his fingers as though he might pull clumps out by the root. "Nothing I do helps. I just want it to stop ."

Kim wishes she had a solution for him, but she has nothing besides a lame suggestion to get more rest. That clearly hasn't worked for any of them, let alone John, who treats his nightmares like physical intruders instead of figments of his imagination. She doesn't know what they do to haunt him so badly, and she isn't sure she's ready to learn. She's only just now starting to get used to him as a person — she's not ready to unpack all of his damage.

John sighs and rubs his temples. "I knew Jacob didn't believe," he admits. "Not in the religious doctrine, anyway. But I didn't know that he had... planned around it. If I'd known, then maybe..."

John trails off, and Kim hums sympathetically after he fails to pick back up. Most of John's trauma is bespoke to him and him alone, but this is something that any survivor would be able to commiserate with. "Hindsight really does suck," she says. "Trust me, you're not the only one wondering what could've gone differently."

Usually, John is almost impossible to console, but it seems like the day has worn the fight right out of him. He only shakes his head miserably at her attempt to sympathize. "It wouldn't have been any better," he mutters. "It would only have been a different kind of worse."

"Maybe," Kim supposes, although she's not entirely convinced. There were plenty of points between the Project's arrival and the Collapse where a split in leadership would have benefited everybody. She's thought about it before now, remembering rare moments when she'd thought she'd seen something beneath the veneer of otherwise devout believers. She's wondered more than once what might've happened, if only they had convinced the right person to turn their back. God, she's hypothesized about a thousand missed opportunities left in that half-decade. There are a million ways things could have turned out better for even just one more person.

At last, Kim surrenders her side of the conversation — or what's left of it, anyway. "Well, for whatever it's worth, you've done us a big favor, and we're not going to let it go to waste. And a lot of people are going to benefit from your hard work."

John takes a deep, unhappy breath. "Yes," he says. He opens his mouth to soften the word with something else, something to hide the fact that he still depends on blind acceptance when overwhelmed, but he can't seem to come up with anything.

Kim doesn't need an excuse. She puts a hand on his shoulder, feeling him tense under her gentle grip, anticipating more than simple reassurance. It offended her at first, how often he seemed to expect them to be violent with him. The idea that he thought either of them were capable of the same awfulness as the cult had pissed her off. But nowadays, she's come to accept that it's simply hardwiring left over from before. She's not sure there's anything to be done about it at this point.

There are no platitudes she can offer him that wouldn't sound insincere, so she relies on facts. "When you're ready, come inside and try to eat something. You look like you wore yourself out."

John's tension slowly ebbs. "I... may have overdone it," he admits somewhat reluctantly, which tells Kim that he definitely overdid it. He scrubs his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers. "I needed to know I was right. I... needed him to know I hadn't forgotten."

So much for Jacob being too dead to care about. Despite everything, Kim can't help but sympathize. She feels his remorse in her own way whenever she thinks about her parents, and she knows that everybody carries something like that with them these days. She might not be haunted by her parents the way John is, but she thinks she can understand his sorrow. It might be the only thing about him she really gets.

"That's okay," she tells him, because it is, and somebody should tell him as much. "But you can't let it get in the way of taking care of yourself."

He nods, but Kim knows he doesn't believe her. He treats every attempt to reassure him as empty platitudes — not that she can blame him, really. But sometimes, like right now, she wonders if he would be less inclined to beat himself up so much if they'd just punished him the way he'd wanted from the start. It's just her exasperation talking, frustrated by his continued misery. John needs time, just like the rest of them, and beating him up ten months ago would only have made things worse.

A loud thud interrupts them, followed immediately by Carmina shouting, " Ow !" Nick starts to laugh, which keeps Kim from getting particularly worried about Carmina's safety, but she still gets up to investigate. John doesn't follow, although she catches him turning his head to watch her as she heads inside.

Nick, still seated at the table, laughs at their daughter as she lies sprawled back on the ground, her feet still guiltily stuck in the barrel.

"Told you, you're too big! No way you'd fit."

"I had to try ," Carmina grumbles as she kicks her way out of the barrel.

" Why ?" Kim laughs.

"I dunno, I just had to!"

"Too bad I don't have a blow-torch," Nick laments. "We could've put some eye-holes in it for you, like a helmet. Maybe then you'd be able to ride around in the truck-bed without your mom getting all worked up."

Carmina gasps. " Really ?"

Kim is quick to smother that particular idea. " No ," she cuts in, trying not to laugh at the mental image that her husband's conjured up. She tries to guilt Nick with an exasperated glance, but the bastard doesn't look even remotely repentant about suggesting armor to their child. "There has to be a better use for it than that. Anyway, armored or not, I don't want you to get thrown out of the back of a moving vehicle! I don't know why that's so unreasonable."

Carmina opens her mouth to argue the point, but she's abruptly distracted as she glances into the barrel. Rearranging her legs to sit on her knees, she pulls the barrel towards her. Kim would write it off if it weren't for Carmina's obvious confusion as she peers inside.

"There's more stuff in here," she reveals, tipping the barrel upright. She's uncharacteristically uneasy as she mentions, "Um, I think it's cult stuff..."

Kim is the first one to investigate, peering down into what she'd thought was an empty cache. She finds a circular metal disk wedged catty-corner into the barrel, revealing a hidden compartment. Reaching past the false bottom, Kim finds some black fabric and a box. She figures out the tee-shirts from the tags inside the collars of the factory-starched fabric, but hesitates to investigate the rest. The other packages stored away had been factory-sealed and clearly labeled cardboard boxes; there was no hiding what was in those. This, on the other hand, is a wooden cigar box with no seals, the Eden's Gate cross etched elaborately into the lid.

"Uh, John?" Nick calls as Kim sets the box down on top of the shirts. She wonders if she should open it, or if it might be some kind of trap. Nick looks deeply distrusting as he stares at the emblem and repeats louder, "John?"

John is more confused than any of them when he enters the scene. He scowls as soon as he sees the box sitting on the table, which would be hard to miss even without Nick gesturing widely towards it. "Where did you find that?" he asks, looking from Nick to Carmina as if they might have different stories to give him.

"Where do you think, Mars?" Nick exclaims, exasperated. "You wanna tell me what's inside?"

"I don't know ," John grits out, "I haven't looked ."

But it's clear from his expression that he has an idea of what they're dealing with. He crosses the room and hovers momentarily in front of the box, flipping the lid open before Kim can decide if that's a good idea. It could be a bomb. It could have a tripwire. She doesn't want her home ruined by Bliss all over again!

Of course, nothing happens. Kim supposes that if it had been a trap, Carmina would have set it off by climbing on top of it. The reality is much less ominous than she could have expected. She hovers near John as he pulls a clean moleskin journal out, watching him flip through the blank pages before dismissing it. He's slower to write off the folded mass of paper that he takes out next, although he doesn't examine it right away. Kim doesn't need him to unfold it to see the topography lines and highway markers printed on it.

"An empty journal, a map, and..."

John scowls at the twenty or so bullets that rattle around at the bottom of the cigar box. They can't be any different from the rest of the ammunition, but for some reason, the sight of them triggers a sense of dread in Kim. After all, what kind of ammunition would Jacob have thought needed to be secreted away? It can't be good. It can't possibly be safe .

"Ah," John says. Kim can't say for sure, but he seems almost disappointed.

"What are they?" Nick asks.

"Bullets we infused with Bliss." John tilts the box, examining the ammunition as best he can without touching it. Kim can't help but want to snatch Carmina away, but they're past the point of hiding these things from her. She has a right to understand just how dangerous the cult was. But there's also a lingering fear that somehow, Carmina might be affected by that god-awful drug, even if it's from ten-year-old bullets.

"You don't have to worry," John says. He doesn't need to look up for Kim to know he's talking to her. "The drug would be inert by now."

"What should we do with them, then?" Nick asks.

"Destroy them," John replies honestly. "If not that, then... store them away. We don't need them, but..."

"But it would be stupid to throw away good ammunition," Kim finishes as John trails off.

"Exactly."

None of them make a move to take either action. Kim supposes that the bullets aren't hurting anyone right now, just sitting there, and it seems like Carmina is more interested in the map than the ammunition. She's trying and failing to peek at the folded pages without undoing the whole mess. They didn't have a map in the bunker, which means that this will be Carmina's first chance to see her home spread out as a whole.

"Here, let me," Kim tells her daughter. Nick takes her cue, clearing a space on the table for her as she picks up the map. All eyes are on the accordion folds as they unravel, revealing more and more of the county. Black stars dot locations Kim remembers, like Lorna's and Rae Rae's, and circled points of nothing are marked in the middle of empty fields and mountain road turnoffs. The key is neatly printed in the upper left corner; beneath it is a uniform list of numbers, most likely coordinates, written briskly in red ink.

Even without the key, Kim thinks she understands the various marks around the map. Spread out in front of them, she can see double circles around power boxes, and she spots a few other locations with the same notation. Stars are placed next to several prominent people's homes, including their own. There are other things, too — little ink drawings of wolves, bears and deer in spots across the map. A few lakes have the names of fish written over them in the same blocky letters as the food packaging; the river bend nearest to their home has the word BASS written neatly along the bend.

Standing next to Kim, staring down at the map, John finally says, "This doesn't make any sense."

Nick opens his mouth to respond, probably with something sarcastic, but he thinks better of it and goes a different route. "Why would he hide this stuff?" he asks. "I mean, I get the bullets, I guess... but hiding the map seems weird."

John scowls at the box in his hands, closing the lid vengefully. "This is what the cache should have been," he says. "It should have more of this — more weapons, more maps, more intel . What about all of the blueprints we'd drawn up for housing? Instructions on how to reconnect the power grid, or the deeds to prove we owned the land — that would help, no matter what you believed! We were prepared for an apocalypse, but — where is it all? Sugar and rice and cigarettes aren't helping anybody!"

Kim can't blame John for getting upset, although she wishes he wouldn't shout around Carmina. Knowing that Jacob had planned for the possibility of the Project not being around is one thing, but it must be particularly rough to see obvious signs of a long-forgotten plan. Especially one that John hadn't been told anything about, with only a few disjointed clues left for him to piece back together.

To her surprise, it's Nick who comes to John's rescue, standing to draw John's attention before he completely spirals. "Come on, that's not true. You know we need food more than anything else." He gestures towards the open map. "Besides, there are plenty of other spots we can check. And now we know what we're looking for, right?"

John sighs heavily. "Yes," he agrees.

"Okay," Nick continues, "And now we've got rations and a tent to take with us, so we don't go through another long day like today. Right?"

John rolls his eyes. It's no secret that he hates it when they treat him like a child, but there's not enough outrage left in him to get angry about it. Instead, he drops his eyes to the ground and agrees with a despondent, "Yes."

"So, alright, maybe we aren't going to learn how to reconnect the power grid, or how to build a solar water purifier, or whatever. But at least we know we're not going to struggle through winter. Neither is Grace, or the gang, or the town."

"I know," John sighs. "I know." He drops the box onto the table, grimacing at the sound it makes. "The map alone is worth all of today's effort." He doesn't look convinced, but Kim can appreciate his almost-apology for what it is.

Carmina, who has been examining the map to avoid John's outburst, finally sees an opening to speak up. "Um... Where is our house?" she asks.

Nick squints over the map, trying to pinpoint the spot from his upside-down vantage point. Neither he nor Kim are quick enough to answer, though, as John reaches out and taps his finger against one of the black stars in the lower-left corner. He doesn't even have to look — he clearly memorized their location a long time ago.

"Here," he says.

"Oh, good," Nick sighs, "We got a star."

"It meant you had something useful that you weren't willing to give up." John's finger drags across the paper to the label on the river. "But I don't understand why he marked fishing spots. And hunting locations. And these..." He taps the red numbers. Kim spots a few red dots on the map, hopefully corresponding to the coordinates, but they seem to be in random locations. Whatever logic the Project was using, Kim can't make it out.

"I don't know what any of these are," John says. His voice lacks the anger from moments ago, replaced by a growing fascination with the mysterious notations. "They're all up in the mountains, so I think... Well, except...."

He moves around Carmina, who watches him with wide eyes as he seems to forget she's standing right next to him. John's given her more attention in the last hour than he has this entire year, but it figures that his indifference to her is what's sticking out.

"This one," he says, tapping a red dot near the old Eden's Gate compound. "This might be the furthest south... No, wait. This one." He moves his attention again, indicating another red spot closer to town.

"Are they more barrels?" Carmina asks.

John is momentarily startled to find Carmina right beside him, but he doesn't immediately leap away to put some distance back. Mostly because doing so would send him right into Kim's personal space. "It could be," he admits, only letting Carmina's input rattle him for a second before he turns his attention back to the map. "They must have been late additions. But... I didn't hear anything about these, and I don't remember seeing them on other maps. If they were for the Project, I would have found out about them eventually."

"Wouldn't they have told you upfront?" Nick asks, surprised when John chuckles in response.

"There were plenty of things I had to learn second-hand. There are probably more secrets I never learned at all. But — this cache was buried weeks before the Reaping. We kept our maps updated almost daily, but I don't remember either of these being marked. And there's one at the compound... I would remember emergency supplies being stored at the church."

Carmina stands on the opposite side of John from Kim, watching his hand move as he talks. Seeing the two of them side-by-side should probably upset Kim. She should be worried about her daughter putting too much trust in John — even if he wants to do the right thing now, he doesn't always understand what the right thing might be, and Carmina is at an impressionable age. If John says or does something wrong, he could shift Carmina's entire worldview.

In reality, though, Kim doesn't particularly mind. John is clearly not comfortable around Carmina, even though her lukewarm interest in him is hardly a threat, and he's highly cautious when he talks to her. Whether it's because Carmina is Nick's kid, or because he's bad with kids in general, Kim doesn't know. All she knows is that John is always careful with his words when Carmina is around.

"Stars are people's homes, right?" Carmina asks. "What about crosses?"

John frowns, tearing his eyes away from the mystery coordinates long enough to look where Carmina is pointing. "Shrines," he tells her. He points out a few more symbols, although it's clear he's doing it to keep her from asking him more questions. "Triangles are silos. Circles are established caches. Unfilled squares are locations we wanted. Filled squares are places we owned."

Carmina frowns at the map. "There are a lot of those."

Nick clears his throat loudly, and John immediately opens his mouth to apologize. Nick doesn't seem to need it, though, scratching at his chin as he tells Carmina, "The cult stole a lot of property right from underneath the real owners. They didn't actually own any of it. They just lied, and pretended."

John frowns, but he makes no effort to defend the cult one way or another. "And now the Project holds none of it," he says, gesturing at the map. "You could take it all back. Nobody will be there to stop you."

"Yeah, assuming any of it is still useful."

"We're one-for-one so far," Kim points out. Nick purses his lips at her taking John's side, but he's the one who suggested armoring up Carmina earlier — he can deal with a little payback. "Besides, I think we could all use a little direction right now. Something to work towards beyond surviving day-to-day."

"There could still be useful intelligence stored away," John says. "Jacob had plans for a multitude of projects we could make use of. The only problem I can see is that Joseph might have a similar map. We may have to compete with him for resources."

"From what I've heard, they've been keeping to themselves. Something about Mennonites with bows and arrows, I don't know." Nick waves a hand dismissively over the map. "If we can use cult resources against Joseph, then I'm all for it."

"That makes two of us," John agrees.

Kim's eyes rove across the map, following the river eastward. The cattle ranch is marked by a star and a cross, but there isn't much there to see along the southern border; for whatever reason, the cult focused most of their resources on the northern half of the valley. It isn't until the now-jungles of the Henbane's territory that more outposts pop up, although she can't imagine any of them are used now. According to what's left of the rumor mill, the cult has mostly remained on what used to be Dutch's island. So far, they haven't seemed interested in making contact with outsiders, much less trying to make amends — if John and Nick do go out and encounter some cultists, she can't know how it will turn out. They seem to want to keep to themselves — but how long can that possibly last?

It's a worry that she'll have to deal with later. She's already anxious enough for the present; she doesn't need to add future paranoia to the mix. For now, she can focus on appreciating the stark benefits laid out on the table in front of her. Even if Joseph has his own map, he doesn't have gasoline, or working vehicles, or guns . He doesn't have radio communication across the entire county, whereas monopolizing the resources will only take Kim a few quick calls. Anything the cult tries to pull off will have to be done much more slowly, and with Joseph being in control of it all. It's a strange way for the tables to turn, but Kim can't say she doesn't like the satisfaction it brings, knowing that they're at least one step ahead of the Project. It only took, what, nine years?

"Well, damn, John," Nick says at last, "Way to set the bar high for next time."

"Don't expect more miracles," John replies, lifting one hand neutrally. But there's something in his expression, a sort of awkward bashfulness, that reminds Kim of Nick's own humble pride. Kim's surprised to find that humility is a good fit for John. It's better than the cold arrogance he used to display, that's for sure. Who knows — maybe in a few years, it won't take dragging him through one long, emotionally-draining day to get him to open up. If they're lucky, it won't take that long, but knowing John, he'll fight it every step of the way.

That's okay, though. Kim's got more than enough patience to wait him out.

[hellzyeahwebwielingessays]

The Not-So-Amazing Mary Jane Part 20: Is ‘Danger’ really her middle name?*

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Master Post

Last time I established that Mary Jane, whilst a gifted civilian, was not  a super hero. This time I am going to examine the extent to which those ‘gifts’ can keep her and others safe. Specifically, I’m going to be examining MJ’s combat record!

Towards the end of AMJ #1 Peter suggests to MJ a dangerous scenario she could find herself in whilst making her movie; namely surrounded by villains. MJ deflates this idea by citing the time she defeated a criminal with a baseball bat and they joke about how that wasn’t an isolated incident.

The point of the scene was to convey that MJ has in fact defeated criminal threats in the past. And so Peter (and by extension the readers) shouldn’t be worried about the fact that MJ really is  surrounded by villains.

At face value this seems simple enough right?

MJ is at risk from villains in AMJ. But she’s defeated a super villain(s) before armed with a very simple weapon. Therefore she’ll be fine right?

Well…not exactly no.

Apart from how the conversation doesn’t at all address MJ protecting other people , the circumstances of that encounter were rather different to the situation in AMJ. In fact every  circumstance wherein Mary Jane has had to defend herself has been rather different. And that applies to situations where she has physically overpowered or  outsmarted her assailants.

To illuminate this point we’re going to dive into some of MJ’s successes in dangerous situations. There are way too many to be definitive about this so I will admit I might’ve missed something, but I’m endeavouring to give you an overview nevertheless.

Hobgoblin

For starters we have ASM #260, where Mary Jane found herself abducted by crooks in the employ of the Rose and the Hobgoblin. The crooks were actually targeting a pregnant Liz Allan Osborn, but MJ was with her when they struck so she was taken too. The crooks had the element of surprise and outnumbered MJ two to one. However, they didn’t use weapons and lacked any super powers. 

MJ tried to fight back here, but was ultimately helpless. So, MJ lost to two normal unarmed crooks, albeit they surprised her.

Nevertheless, that doesn’t bode well for her in AMJ.

In ASM #261 Hobgoblin (who has comparable strength to Spider-Man) shows up and threatens Liz, which angers MJ enough to charge at him. He very easily swats her aside.

Hobgoblin’s ability to do this so casually demonstrates just how much more powerful he is than Mary Jane, and the fact that she (at worst) scratched her chin a little also proves how little of his power he was even using in the first place. MJ on on one was never going to beat him even if he refrained from using his extensive arsenal.

Later in the same issue Harry is taken prisoner too. He tries to use a gun to threaten the guard into letting them all go but can’t pull the trigger. MJ knocks the guard out with a shovel whilst he is distracted.

It’s highly unlikely the guard lacked a firearm so even with the shovel Mary Jane wouldn’t have won without the element of surprise on her side.

After escaping the trio are accosted by Hobgoblin, but Spidey is there to intervene. Mary Jane is thankful for his presence, which all but confirms that she believe she or the others could save themselves without him.

In fact, earlier on when Harry first showed up MJ asked him if Peter knew what was going on. Obviously she was hoping he was on his way to help them, further proving how she was aware of how disadvantaged they were. 

During the course of the battle Liz goes into labour and she and MJ find themselves surrounded by flames. Mentally MJ is desperate for Peter to find and help them. 

Harry comes to help Liz and Mj but soon all three of them are trapped by the inferno and yell for Spider-Man to help them. Mary Jane even says that they will ‘never survive’ without his help.

The adventure demonstrates that whilst MJ is good in a crisis her ability to liberate, protect and rescue herself and others has clear limits. 

There is nothing in the story to indicate she had the natural ability to defeat the guard on her own, to defend Liz and Harry from Hobgoblin or get them away from the fire. She does take advantages of resources (like the shovel) and opportunities that come her way, but they occurred purely by chance. 

Based upon this experience, Mary Jane would know that if a similar situation occurred she shouldn’t be passive but nor should she presume she could survive off of her own abilities alone. She would be outmatched and it’d be ridiculous to simply presume that there’d be a potential weapon around, that the chance to surprise her opponent would crop up. And if there was a super villain like Hobgoblin involved she’d have no defence beyond relying upon a super hero to intervene.

Basically she was impressive here but her talents could only take her so far, even with luck on her side.

Alastair Smythe

Not too long after the Hobgoblin incident MJ found herself in another tricky spot in ASM Annual #19. The story entailed Alastair Smythe mistakenly believing Mary Jane was Spider-Man. He consequently abducted her and her Aunt Anna with one of his Spider Slayers. 

Intelligent, resourceful and quick witted as ever, MJ saved herself and Aunt Anna. However, this relied heavily upon Smythe’s gullibility, luck and Spider-Man’s intervention, something MJ actively sought out.

First she got Aunt Anna out of danger by admitting she was Spider-Man.

Then she convinced Smythe that he ought to record his victory and persuaded him to break into a camera store to that end. She hoped that the store’s alarm would summon help; another example of her relying upon the intervention of others. 

Whilst in the store she left a note for people to find before Smythe whisked her off again. At the same time Spidey was independantly on the trail of the Watson women. He found Smythe’s hideout and rescued Anna, overcoming Smythe’s deadly traps in the process. 

Taking Anna to a police officer Spidey learns about MJ’s note. It informed the police of Anna’s location and instructed Spidey that she’d try to get Smythe to the Daily Bugle building.

By chance Smythe flew MJ over Peter’s apartment building, which had a skylight. Tricking Smythe into posing for a photograph, MJ removed her boot an dropped it through Peter’s window, hoping he was home and could come rescue her. Once again MJ was desperately banking on luck and reliant upon the help of a third party to save herself.

MJ managed to get Smythe to the Bugle, again hoping that Peter was there. Unfortunately he wasn’t there but the Bugle staff recognized MJ and called the cops.

Tired of her tricks Smythe simply dropped MJ mid-air. Luckily Spidey had caught up with them and rescued her.

Once again, MJ’s victory here couldn’t have occurred without an assist and and a lot  of luck; indeed, she was outright banking on the latter. These are things nobody can truly rely  upon in any given crisis. The probability of help showing up just in time or miracles occurring at just the right time are very low.

Inferno Demons

Next up we come to the tie-in issues to the (mostly X-Men centric) crossover event Inferno. 

Inferno was weird, but all you need to know is that demonic activity throughout New York causes a variety of strange phenomenon. The most common of these involved inanimate objects coming to life and attacking people. 

This happened during one of Mary Jane’s modelling shoots where gold jewellery came to life and attacked her and the crew on the shoot. Using quick thinking (and her knowledge of jewellery) MJ remembered that gold was a soft metal and used a fire-axe to chop up the demonic bling, inspiring the crewmembers to do the same.

When we catch up to MJ again it’s implied she’s instructed the others to build a barricade to keep the demon hordes out. She also defends a co-worker by using a makeshift weapon to attacks one of the demons. She orders everyone to rebuild the barricade but privately wonders what they could possibly do next, wishing Peter was there to help.

MJ, using yet more of her impressive smarts, leads the group into the sewers, correctly deducing them to be the safest place in the city. However, that safety is merely relative because the gang are then attacked by demonically possessed water.

Luckily the water is vulnerable to the flash of a camera, which even more luckily went off during the attack. The camera was owned by one of the crewmembers named Hal.

The camera’s battery life is limited though, but thankfully MJ gets a bright idea. Whilst Hal stalls the demons with his camera the other crewmembers break the gas pipes. She then instructs Hal to hold off the demons whilst they all retreat. She proceeds to use the lighter to make a torch, intent on setting the gas alight and hopefully killing the demons.

Her plan doesn’t quite pan out as intended though. She comes across Spidey duelling the Hobgoblin. Instinctively she threw the torch at Hobby to help out Peter, giving him the chance to throw him into the tunnel, inadvertently igniting the gas.

Spidey swings MJ away from the explosion, the art arguably implying that she would’ve been harmed without his help.

The whole adventure is a tour de force for Mary Jane. Her bravery, smarts, resourcefulness and resolve are on full display here.

Nevertheless, for most of the encounter she needed to retreat and get her companions to do the same as they were still grossly outmatched. The times they won fights were against either a singular opponent or against a group of small and comparatively weak opponents their greater strength and numbers could overwhelm. And had Hal not accompanied her, had his camera not gone off and had her opponents not had a very particular weakness they’d have been a goners.

It’s also arguable that had Spider-Man not shown up she might’ve been severely injured as well because he swung her away from the explosion. However, I will admit since her companions were uninjured it’s plausible that she might’ve been fine without him. 

Nevertheless, the story showcases that MJ could only win physical encounters and survive dangerous situations when she went up against weaker opponents, had back up and luck was on her side again.

Terrorists

Jumping forward we enter the Clone Saga where there are actually a few dangerous encounters to look at, though we’re just going to focus upon two; one where MJ is more passive and one where she is more assertive.

The first is from Spider-Man Unlimited #8. I don’t exactly believe in trigger warning people, but for the record this might touch a nerve if you were affected by 9/11.

Initially, MJ and her friend Carly are at a restaurant situated in one of the Twin Towers. Suddenly sadistic terrorists in high tech armour break in guns blazing, killing at least one person. 

They are so sadistic in fact that one of them needs to restrain the other so that they have live hostages to bargain with. MJ to her credit tells her friend to not rush to the exit as it will get congested, demonstrating smarts in a crisis. She also has the common sense to keep calm so as to not risk the terrorists harming her.

For greater context MJ is unarmed and pregnant at this point and lacks any means of communicating with Spider-Man or anyone else for that matter. 

The terrorists are heavily armed. The exact capabilities of their tech is unknown but they can clearly fly, move modestly quickly, have a degree of protection from their armour and have very powerful wrist mounted projectiles that are easy to fire and have plenty of ammunition.

They also seem to have regular firearms too, as evidenced when one of them casually shoots a hostage for annoying him.

MJ tries to help the injured man and even confronts one of the terrorists to provide aid. He dismisses her but equally casually murders his comrade who shot the man.

Mary Jane is unhappy with this but keeps a cool head. She admits that she’s lucky she wasn’t shot herself. When she notices ‘Spider-Man’ (actually Peter’s clone Ben Reilly/the Scarlet Spider) she decides to leave things to him and focus upon helping the wounded man.

Whilst I hesitate to call this ‘luck’ (because it’s more than likely he’d have heard the news regardless) Peter himself learns of the situation over the radio and heads out to deal with it.

Spidey slips into the room where the hostages are and, with MJ’s help, quietly moves them towards the elevators, MJ looking after the wounded man’s son.

The rest of the story is irrelevant for our purposes.

The issue doesn’t paint MJ in the most flattering light. She is much more passive than in any other examples we’ve looked at so far (or indeed will look at going forward). However the story does give her moments that display her intelligence and bravery. More importantly it justifies  why Mary Jane’s best bet isn’t to try and engage the aggressors in this situation.

She is an unarmed woman with no super powers and at best rather basic self-defence skills. Even if she had a gun or was a black belt that’d be have little use here. Her opponents’ armour and technology render hand-to-hand fighting basically pointless and a gun would be of very little use as well.

If she had either the most she could do is blindside or even kill maybe one of the terrorists by targeting their eyes (their only really exposed area). This in turn would also have to distract all the other trigger-happy terrorists (which isn’t a guarantee at all) and give the hostages enough time to escape. However it’s also likely MJ would need to spread the word to enough of the hostages ahead of time (which wouldn’t be easy right under the guards’ noses) so they’d be ready to make a break for it.

Between fear, stress and shock it’s not at all a guarantee even one  of the hostages will have the instincts to make a run for it, and that’s presuming they are all physically fit enough to do that. Children, elderly, disabled people, etc., might not be in a position to move quickly at all. Not to mention the location of the stairs is never specified meaning the hostages would be reliant upon the elevators showing up quickly and having enough room for them all. 

Even if the stairs were nearby, even if the elevators were as merciful as possible…they’re at the top of the World Trade Center!

My research informed me that the closest real life equivalent to the restaurant depicted in the story would have been on the 106th and 107th floors of the North Tower. Given how the terrorists could fly and had other technology at their disposal they could’ve easily intercepted the hostages on their way down or on the ground floor itself.

We should also consider that were MJ to initiate this hypothetical plan it almost certainly would’ve resulted in her being harmed or killed. Mary Jane is a heroic and self-sacrificing person who understands Peter’s moral message about responsibility.

But she was also pregnant at the time, and very much wished to keep the baby. Regardless on anyone’s views on pregnancy, family planning, abortion, etc., is it really selfish to argue that Mary Jane wouldn’t have engaged in what would likely have been a suicide mission with very slim odds if it also meant the death of her unborn child? Is that truly an act of selfishness, or of irresponsibility that goes against Peter’s underlying mission? I certainly don’t think so.

Basically what I’m getting at is that Mary Jane in this situation lacked the skills and resources to realistically do all that much and trying to do anything would’ve risked the lives of others, including her own child.

Kaine

The second Clone Saga story to look at is in the ‘Mark of Kaine’, where Mary Jane is abducted by Peter’s clone Kaine. 

Kaine’s speed and agility are comparable to Spider-Man’s, if not superior. His strength though is a notch greater and as a clone of Peter he is very intelligent, both scientifically and in terms of strategy. He also has years of experience as a mercenary and is in a state of constant agony due to an illness he has. MJ (pregnant and mentally/emotionally distressed at the time anyway) couldn’t prevent her abduction into the sewers.

But MJ was able to briefly get away from him by opening up a high-pressure water pipe whilst Kaine was up close to her and distracted.

Immediately upon escaping the sewers she came across yet another clone of Peter’s (who later went by the name Spidercide). Although she was confused and uncertain she quickly persuaded ‘Spidercide’ to fight Kaine (who was hot on her heels), giving her a chance to get away again.

She managed to make it home where she armed herself with her gun. Initially she confronted the new Peter clone but was unable to shoot him. It is unclear if this was because she missed on purpose or accidentally. The shock of firing the shot caused her to drop the fun in horror.

When Kaine caught up to her though she wasn’t fast enough to get into a position to use it. He very quickly crossed the room, disarmed and consequently abducted her again.

I should note that because Kaine has comparable speed to Spider-Man it’s extremely likely that he is physically capable of moving faster than gunshots. Spider-Man himself is fast enough that he can evade rapid machine gun fire (even without his spider sense), which is obviously much faster than the shots from a revolver like MJ’s. Spider-Man has also been shown to be able to still fight with bullet wounds. Because Spider-Man is capable of these feats then Kaine would be too.

What I am trying to convey is that MJ’s initial escapes from Kaine were once more due to luck and her ability to quickly take advantage of whatever limited resources were around her; be they a water pipe, distraction or someone else she can get to fight for her.

When she was in a situation where she in fact had use a weapon to defend herself from a super powered assailant though she failed. And she would’ve failed even if she were better positioned to use her weapon.

The Chameleon

Now we come to MJ’s most famous battle, the one where she defeated the Chameleon. This is an undeniable victory for Mary Jane, no two ways about it. But it’s important that we fully contextualize the experience.

Putting aside how MJ had had dozens of encounters with villains by this point, this was a rare instance where she was forewarned and forearmed. In Spec #244 Peter returned home and informed Mary Jane that the Chameleon had attacked him and learned his secret identity.

On some level Mary Jane was unnerved by this and frightened that the Russian mercenary might target her in her home, even having nightmares about him. Awaking from one such nightmare Mary Jane arms herself with a baseball bat and goes back to bed, although she prays Peter catches him before he gets anywhere near her.

In the next issue, she is still clearly anxious about the Chameleon, being unable to sleep until Peter catches him.

Chameleon, disguised as Peter, actually does go to the Parker residence, specifically to attack Mary Jane. Mary Jane deduces Chammy’s real identity and lures him to the bedroom, consequently surprising him with the baseball bat and threatening him to leave her alone. Chameleon however advances on her.

When Spider-Man arrives on the scene Chammy is on the floor, having been beaten by MJ.

He escapes minutes later whilst the Parkers are distracted, which could arguably mean he was playing possum. However this doesn’t change the fact that Mary Jane kicked his ass, he even laments his humiliation whilst fleeing.

This is one of MJ’s shining moments and the closest thing to luck she had was that Chameleon wasn’t armed and Peter warned her ahead of time. Personally though I wouldn’t call either of those things luck. Chameleon has at best a sporadic history with using weapons, even whilst fighting super powered beings.

And whilst Peter did warn her ahead of time she already knew about the Chameleon’s existence and has in her time been assaulted by multiple criminals, including those who didn’t know Peter’s identity. Additionally Peter simply informing her is less luck and just more something he’d logically do out of common sense in this or any such similar situation. MJ couldn’t have known Chameleon was definitely going to strike that very same night.

Nevertheless though, she was  forewarned and literally forearmed herself so she was definitely prepared to a large degree for anything to go down.

She was also aided by the fact that the Chameleon seriously underestimated her.

More importantly though Chameleon, unlike everyone else we’ve looked at so far, was unarmed and lacked any abilities that gave him greater physical might than a normal human being. Even so MJ’s main goal was to scare him away not subdue him, signifying she was at least unsure if she could defeat him. This is supported by the dialogue from both Peter and herself in the aftermath, which heavily implies that they were both taken aback by her victory.

Basically, MJ was in a position where she was prepared for any tricks that might be pulled. She had immediate access to a resource to increase her power and that resource put her at a physical advantage over her opponent. An opponent who underestimated her and was tricked themself.

Green Goblin

We jump forward again now into Marvel Knights: Spider-Man #11-12, circa 2005. 

Mary Jane was  taken by surprise by Norman Osborn/the Green Goblin when he showed up at her home and drugged her with knockout gas, consequently abducting her.

MJ knew that Norman might  be on the loose that night by the way.

When she awoke she found Spidey and the Goblin were battling atop the Queensboro bridge, with Peter losing. She pulled out her gun (a different one from during the Clone Saga) and fired (what seems to be two rounds) into the Goblin’s chest. 

Given the rain, the darkness, the angle and I’m sure the overall stress of the situation this feat is very impressive.

However, the recoil did hurt her to some degree (not seriously) and caused her to lose her balance and fall off the bridge, needing to be saved by Peter. 

More poignantly her shots neither defeated the Goblin nor seriously injured him.

For context, the Goblin’s super powers offer him a degree of durability comparable to Spider-Man’s. He also possesses a healing factor that healed a far more severe chest wound and was wearing armour that offered further protection. 

As such he attempted to attack the Parkers just a few minutes later.

This incident demonstrates MJ’s toughness, her willingness and ability to attack. But it also showcases her relative inexperience with weapons and how she was still outmatched in this instance. She saved Spider-Man for the moment but it resulted in him needing to save her. And of course, it did not actually deafat  the Goblin.

Swarm

We’re jumping forward now to 2006 when Peter’s identity was public knowledge. 

As you would expect super villains decided this was the time to target his loved ones. In Sensational Spider-Man v2 #29-30 Swarm (an animated Nazi skeleton covered in bees and wasps under his control) targeted Mary Jane and her co-stars.

In Sen v2 #29 Peter suspects some of his villains might’ve organized a co-ordinated attack on him and his loved ones and asks MJ to return home. MJ refuses, but it should be noted that there were bodyguards protecting the theatre she was rehearsing in.

In the first panel we can see an armoured person with green lights hovering outside of MJ’s theatre. 

And in the next issue Aunt May’s bodyguards are also armoured and have green lights. 

This implies MJ’s guards have the same arsenal as May’s. 

Peter was working closely with Iron Man at this time and the Parkers were living with him. Additionally, the guards are under orders from Iron Man and their armour resembles his Iron Man designs. 

As such it can be presumed the guard’s weapons are similar to Iron Man’s. This would at the very least offer them high defences beyond real life body armour. And it’d mean they’d have heavy fire power through repulsor technology. Plus of course they can fly.

These guards might not be super heroes per se but they are in the same league as them in terms of raw power. They aren’t merely muscle men with guns.

Anyway, Swarm infiltrates MJ’s theatre spies on her for a while before initiating his attack.

It should be noted that MJ was unfamiliar with Swarm and his abilities; at least to my knowledge.

MJ orders everyone to run (which they barely do) but one of the actors attacks Swarm and slows him down slightly.

MJ (correctly) presumes Swarm will follow her and leads him towards a curtain that she then uses to further slow him down before activating the sprinklers. 

This deals with most of the insects but Swarm’s reanimated skeleton still comes after her. 

Thankfully MJ’s co-star smashes its head in saving her. They depart to find MJ’s bodyguards because Swarm is already starting to reconstitute himself.

Unlike most of the other examples we’ve looked at so far, Mary Jane was totally surprised by this attack, had no knowledge about her opponent to draw from, no immediate weapons to use and given little time to react.

Under these circumstances her actions are undeniably remarkable, showcasing her experience, quick wits and resourcefulness.

However she still required assistance from her co-star, bodyguards and was lucky enough to be near enough to useful resources to draw upon. If there was no curtain, no sprinkler system or water she would’ve been unable to fight back successfully.

H.Y.D.R.A.

There are many more instances after this of Mary Jane defending her self and others. Most of them occur in stories that for various reasons are just generally problem riddled and illogical. Although that doesn’t necessarily apply to whenever MJ kicks butt within them.

These range from examples similar to the above, instances where MJ has temporary super powers, access to higher technology (like web-shooters or Iron Man style tech) or contacts within the super hero community she can call upon as back up. 

An example of the latter can be found in Invincible Iron Man #600 where MJ and Tony Stark’s mother find themselves invaded by HYDRA soldiers. Mary Jane however had pre-emptively contacted several super heroes to help her. These included Ironheart/Riri Williams and Miles Morales/Spider-Man

I will concede the latter example is a questionable source to cite given how it is not a Spider-Man comic book, To my knowledge, at the time of this writing the events from it have yet to be referenced in any comic book under the control of the Spider-Man editorial office. However at the time it was the title Mary Jane predominantly appeared in, so we could perhaps call it food for thought.

Subway Troll

The other examples from this era are mostly redundant for various reasons so I shall just skip ahead to something more recent.

In Friendly Neighbourhood Spider-Man v2 #11 MJ has one of her finest hours. The story begins with MJ helping an exhausted and injured Spider-Man to bed, affirming that she will make sure the city won’t need him that day.

This affirms for the readers that whatever unfolds in the issue, Mary Jane is committed to not involving Peter for his own sake.*

Later, whilst riding the subway, MJ recognizes a doctor in her carriage, shortly before the train collides with a literal troll monster; it was something to do with Thor, don’t worry about it.

MJ immediately takes charge. She orders the doctor to tend to injured passengers. She checks on the driver and assesses the danger. She rallies passengers off the train, helps move the injured, guides them to safety in the tunnels and even goes back to try and distract the troll.

Noticeably Mary Jane recognizes her own limitations. She has no delusions about actually defeating the troll, her plan is to simply distract it then hide; she even implies doing anything else would be stupid (see above).

By chance, Miles Morales shows up to fight the troll. 

MJ sidesteps one of the troll’s blows, one possibly intended to throw off Miles rather than aimed at her. Seeing the young Spider-Hero smacked around, MJ  immediately tries to help him. 

Asking him to keep the troll distracted she boards the train again, deduces the troll would be vulnerable to light and then ignites the train’s lamps. She proceeds to yell for Miles to attack whilst it’s blinded. This brings the creature down.

Once the troll is down MJ calls her old boss Tony Stark so he can arrange for the creature to be taken away.

As I said, it’s one of MJ’s finest hours. She’s smart, in control, resourceful, fearless and undeniably a protector figure. A hero for sure.

But not a super powered one.

By her own admission her best bet was to just hide and hope the creature wouldn’t find her. The resolution of the battle was dependent upon the lucky appearance of Miles Morales in tandem with her opponent having a very specific weakness and the presence of resource that happened to work against that weakness.

Limitations

I will admit that maybe I’ve overlooked something, and would be willing to be told otherwise. But it is my contention that between all the above examples we get a strong overview of how MJ can handle situations where she needs to protect herself or others.

And that overview reveals that Mary Jane has a truly heroic soul.

She’s brave, protective and selfless.

But she also has limits.

Whenever she finds herself (or others) under attack the instances where she outright wins are actually very few and far between.

Whilst they exist, instances like her defeat of the Chameleon are in fact the exception not the rule.

The overwhelming majority of the time MJ’s victories are earned via assists. Either she is assisting someone (she defeated Hobgoblin’s guard because Harry held his attention) or more typically she is herself being assisted (see every single time Spider-Man showed up).*

In any situation though Mary Jane’s abilities to protect herself and others is heavily reliant upon a large number of factors. The resources in her vicinity, how her opponent(s) view her, the skillset of the people around her, how many opponents she is up against, the strengths and weaknesses of said opponents and a heaping helping of sheer luck.

These factors are so significant that often in any of the scenarios listed above were any one of them removed or significantly altered against MJ’s favour she (or others) would almost certainly have been seriously harmed.

If Hal didn’t have his camera and it didn’t happen to go off and if the demons didn’t happen to be weak to light she and her companions would  have died

If MJ wasn’t armed with the baseball bat she likely wouldn’t have defeated Chameleon.

If Swarm wasn’t vulnerable to a sprinkler system he would’ve likely killed MJ or her co-stars.

If Miles Morales didn’t show up she could never have helped bring down the troll.

Because of this Mary Jane cannot reliably  come out on top of most dangerous encounters she might find herself in.

In Spec #245 she defeated someone with (functionally) no enhanced strength, speed, etc. but only when warned of him and armed. However, until given help she couldn’t defeat a regular armed criminal in ASM #261

She subdued a super powered assailant in Sensational v2 #30, but only by using both a nearby resource that happened to exploit his specific weakness, and she still needed an assist. However, with no such weaknesses resources or assistance, she was helpless against a group of normal people with high tech armour and weapons.

In Marvel Knights #12 she temporarily stunned the Green Goblin by surprise attacking him with a gun. However, even when armed, she could do nothing to stop Kaine abducting her

No matter how you slice it Mary Jane cannot justifiably go into the majority of dangerous situations unprepared, or even armed, and presume she will be fine based upon her personal skillset. Her history just doesn’t reflect that at all.

I’m not suggesting MJ is a helpless victim waiting to happen, someone who must be reliant upon luck or other people to save her.

But what I am saying is…she has limits

Limits that common sense and past experience would definitely inform her of.

Limits that in no way shape or form justify her or Peter treating potential threats to her lightly, or presuming she’ll be fine no matter what.

Limits that do not allow her to have a strong probability of keeping herself or anyone else safe in the overwhelming majority of situations.

The more pressing question for this essay series is if her Mysterio and his crew are within her limits?

That’s a question I will be getting to very soon. Because next time I want to take a brief tangent to address a counterpoint you might’ve considered.

Why don’t these limits apply to Spider-Man?

*Whilst this is somewhat reminiscent of ASM #286 (which we looked at in part 17), it should be noted that this time MJ is unaware of any immediate or impending crime/dangerous situation that might unfold.

**I do not care to discuss any social/political implications of this. For example I don’t want to start a debate about Mary Jane’s relationship with the damsel-in-distress trope.

All that is irrelevant in the face of the objective facts of these stories. Of the patterns of behaviour and skills they establish into the canon, and thereby define the characters in question.

Case in point I’d argue it’d be sexist to have She-Hulk fight the Purple Man and lose because he used his powers to compel her to kill herself. Sexist it may be, but that doesn’t change the fact that based upon their established abilities, behaviours and personalities that scenario is both possible and highly likely.

*If you don’t get the reference, MJ once claimed this in MTU #20.

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[dachi-chan25]

GoT Season 8 Episode 1: The Pointy End Recap

Gods I am back on my bullshit but I can't help it 'cause I had too many thoughts about yesterday's episodes.

Disclaimer: So if you know me or my blog you know I don't root for D Targy (I write it like this cuz i don't want this post to pop up in her tag) and that she sometimes annoys the crap out of me, also i don't root for her bland ass romance or anything magical lizard related. I support House Stark 100% so ofc I believe in Pol!Jon (and more over I am a Jonsa shipper so ofc Imma write about that) and if you don't agree or don't feel confortable with any of those things this Recap is not for you (if you come here to troll I'll just ignore you anyway so don't waste your time and energy like that)

With that said let's begin!

.

-The episode starts with a young boy running to meet the Queen's entourage, we already see a lot of peasants and common folk gathered there, Arya sees the boy and smiles fondly (she is totally reminiscing when she did the same when King Bobby B visited WF) This shots made me feel very nostalgic as they parallel very closely S1.

Another parallel that it's included here is Jon and D arriving all regal couple like, I was just remembering about Bobby B and Cersei, and things are already on a visual side not working for them (d looks totally out of place with that flashy awkward coat, I mean the color, the cut, the red details, all of it makes her stand out like a sore thumb. On a visual level alone she does not belong there). The music is also worth noting, it starts off on a very ominious tone and then gets some heroic B bright undertones as Dr and Jon ride closer to he camera, but again falls into an ominious conqueror-villian entrance song.

The perspective shifts to Arya watching Jon and D riding (she doesn't seem happy to see D she kind of looks confused) but smiles when she sees Jon, we also see The Hound (Arya looks really confused, cuz she probably thought he was dead) and Gendry (she gives the cutest smiles ever,and yassssss Gendyra lives!!) riding behind them.

We get Varys and Tyrion riding in a carriage of sorts, and an unnecesary enuch joke *sigh* even Varys calls out Tyrion for it, and he is like idgaf cuz i got ballzzzz!! (Classy dude)

The common folk is not diggin this dragon kween business and obviously don't cheer or grovel at d's feet, she is very upset at this and Jon is like "I told you so", then the dragons approach and the people are terrified, they scream and run, worst of all D smiles and seems so smug (fuuuck her a thousand times, this proves she doesn't give a fuck about poor people unless they adore her, and that fear is just as well for her as respect, cuz this bitch is just like Cersei but dumber) and we don't really get to see Jon's reaction but come the fuck on!! This people Jon knows, some of them he has seen since he was a little boy, these are the people he is trying hard to protect and you think he is not gonna care for them just cuz d is pwetty?? Nah dude, he knows she cares about being worshipped (I meaaaan her long ass list of titles) but he thinks she is mostly harmless (may i remind you he still doesn't know about the TARLYS)

The camera follows the dragons and we see Sansa looking at them with worry (my poor girl, that's the adecuate reaction when you see monsters terrifying your people)

K, now we are seeing Jon in the courtyard, he sees Bran and immediately runs to him (you can clearly see Jorah helping D dismount in the background and that's hillarious cuz 2 seconds in WF and he is already leaving her ass behind in favor of his family), we even get a forhead kiss and Jon is pretty emotional at seeing his baby brother all grown up (tbh i find Bran's deadpan deliveries so funny, Jon looks confused af) he sees SANSA and biiiitch (I wanted to screenshot his face but I just gave up cuz it's very quick) the softness of his stare, the parted mouth, the way he just dives into her arms (Sansa stares at D while they hug like bih fuck off he is ours) . I want to address something real quick, yeah it was a shorter hug than we expected, but not less emotional ( Sansa was smiling and the look on Jon's face when he saw her) still it was 10000x times better than any Aegony scene because the affection is mutual Jon goes straight for a hug and Sansa opens her arms as opposed as Aegony scenes that rely heavily on D. Also I think this hug was shorter (and we see Jon pulling apart first) cuz d is watching, not only that but a lot of people are and i do think this season until the parentage reveal is out in the open they will be trying to keep their distances cuz they have feelings siblings are not supposed to have.

Jon asks for Arya, and Sansa says she is lurking somewhere with a smile (this reminded me of Cat asking about Arya on ep 1) and D approaches with the most forced smile ever, Jon introduces Sansa with her proper title first and then is like she is the kween D Targy forsaking all her thousand titles thank god. Also the first thing Jon says is that Sansa is his sister which I'll talk about later. So D tries (and fails) to be charming, saying how beautiful WF and the North (she says it's as beautiful as Jon said) and compares Sansa's beauty to it which had me wondering stuff.

A) so we never get Jon and D talking about Jon's siblings (another aegony is doomed moment) but he does mention briefly Arya and Bran cuz he thought they were dead, but Sansa??? Unless a thrid party brought her up he never talked about her which leads me to think D had no idea about Sansa being Jon's sister and that is why he breaks the hug and introduces he as his sister frist of all.

B) By talking about Sansa's beauty and how Jon talked about it, it implies they did talk about Sansa and that Jon said she was beautiful ??? Cuz that's the way D made it sound xdddd.

Ofc i think the A to be more like lyrics cuz Jon is playing his cards very close to his chest, but I thought it was funny.

Sansa brushes her of and delivers the WF is yours your Grace bs. Duuuude she is not even trying to be charming (she is corteous enough but barely) like she would have played the modest naive Maiden and said "not as beautiful as you, your grace" (bihhh d would have loved this shit) nor even a gracious thank you. And i wonder whyyy?? As far as she knows she is an ally, and yeah she doesn't trust her damn she doesn't even like her but that hasn't stopped her before like damn she was all charm when she met Roose and Ramsey for the 1st time and she hated them!!!! What I think is happening is that LF'S words are still in her mind about Jon marrying D, and Jon separated too quickly from their hug, and now he is standing beside this woman calling her queen, and yeah I see the jealousy maybe she doesn't know why fully maybe she is just starting to realize her feelings and is all projecting them onto the he betrayed the north's trust but I do feel it goes beyond that and it shows.

Bran interrupts before things get uglier with D and Sansa, with news about the wall, D looks shocked (bet she thought she was the only one who could control dragons) Jon looks like he is about to have a pánico attack.

They have a meeting with the northern Lords in the Great Hall (it is very curious that Jon is seated between d and Sansa, when befitting her new title D should be in the middle, D&D are driving this love triangle home) but from the get go we see that Sansa is the one running stuff and doing everything a queen should, she asks Ned Umbr about his people, he says they need more wagons and horses (I am sideeyeing D so hard at this moment) Sansa bids him to go to Last Hearth and bring as many ppl as he can.

Lyanna Mormont then proceeds to rip Jon a new one (but Lyanna like everyone else isn't really getting the full picture) and Jon looks at Sansa for support (like curious, as Lyanna is talking about D and she is his lady love and stuff you'd think he would look at her to gather strenght or resolution for what he is about to say but nope) but she is like 'dude you deserve it' and I would say she is right but like wasn't Sansa defending him to everyone that would listen last season ??? She literally said she respects Jon's desicions, nah this is her jealousy this is a go on prove me wrong, talk, give them (and me) and explanation of why u betrayed our trust for her. And Jon does look crushed when he sees he is not getting any support from her cuz if pol!Jon is right he did it! He listened to her, he was smarter than father and Robb, he brought an army home, and Sansa the one he did all this for still won't trust him that the North is his heart and home and he would do anything to keep it safe (like still pretty fucking unfair he wants sansa's blind faith without giving her anything in return but I get where he is coming from) and if pol!Jon is not real then they really destroyed Jon's character in favor of the blandest romance ever and I can't get behind that way of thinking because before I even shipped Jonsa I was a fan of both Jon Snow and Sansa Stark and I believe and support them both.

Honestly my boy doesn't even try to sell D, he is just like we need allies!! Tyrion just about gives up cuz he thinks Jon is a bumbling fool with no idea of how the game is played (lmaooo) and tries to sell D plus the idea that Cersei is sending them the Lannister army (I think is very important jon didn't mention this and I will go on about it later) Sansa is just about fed up with this bs, and asks a real important question about how da fuck is she supposed to feed this big ass army plus 3 dragons that she didn't account for and she doesn't have any obligation towards, like that's d's job, even worse d's haughty response (you can see Jon doesn't like this one bit) like honestly I had never felt more annoyed by d she is already a villian threatening Sansa in her own home for daring to care more about her people than about d's lizards, and i don't know how people are ok with that, like dude y'all are entitled to your own opinión and to loving your faves, but this shit was awfull.

We see carts of dragonglass in the courtyard, Gendry is giving instructions and Lord Royce is just leaving Sansa looking at all this activity when Tyrion approaches Sansa.

This is already to long and I have much to say about the Tyrion-Sansa convo, so let's go on in part 2!!

[walkerismychoice]

For Law and Love - Chapter 2

Book: Desire and Decorum - Modern day AU

Paring: Ernest Sinclaire X MC

Raiting: PG

Summary: It’s Anna’s first day of class at Harvard and she sees a familiar face (or two!) in her Business Law class

Count: 1746

Law and Love Master List  - Catch up here

8am Monday morning came all too soon. As Anna shut off her alarm, she wondered what compelled her to schedule Business Law, of all classes, at 9am. She quickly showered and got ready so she had time to stop at then coffee shop on the way, as caffeine would be vital in keeping her awake in this class.

Anna arrived in the lecture hall with 10 minutes to spare, and found a seat towards the middle. As the hall filled in, a pretty girl with long, black hair and dark brown eyes sat in the chair next to her.

"You look like someone I could get along with. Hi, I'm Annabelle." The girl had a spirit about her that put Anna at ease.

"Hi, I'm Anna. Just Anna, no Belle." She laughed nervously at her lame joke.

"You're adorable. Nice to meet Anna...So, are you new here? I haven't seen you in any of my classes before."

"Yeah, I just transferred from Columbia. I decided to completely change course from majoring in dance to business. I decided to make my father happy and go to law school to fulfill the family legacy," Anna explained.

"Not to stereotype, but I thought there was something different about you." Annabelle glanced obviously around the room. "You stand out...in a good way."

"Thanks...I think?"

"Trust me, it's definitely a good thing." Annabelle winked at Anna.

"You dont strike me as a typical business student either....As you said, not to stereotype or anything." Anna giggled.

"You mean because I'm not a total bore? Oops did I say that out loud?" Annabelle's lips curved into a smile. "I'm a marketing major actually, so a little more on the creative side of things, but this class fills a requirement."

"Well, since I'm going into corporate law, I should probably pay attention and try to do well. Speaking of which, looks like it's about to start."

Anna watched as a man about her father's age approached the stage. He wasn't bad looking for an older guy, but he had an air about him that screamed conceited more than confident, and when he spoke this was confirmed. "Good morning and welcome to Business Law. I'm professor Richards. I'm teaching this class as a favor this semester, so you all have the privilege of being taught by one of the top professors at Harvard law, which is not something most undergrads get to experience. I'm a busy man between teaching law school courses and consulting on high profile cases, so I will be relying heavily on my teaching assistants for grading and any assistance needed outside of class hours.”

Annabelle snorted. “We are all should be honored to be in the great professor’s presence...right.”

“He seems a little full of himself.” Anna observed.

“Hah, a little? He has quite the reputation around here as I’m sure you’ll find out. Sounds like we are lucking out that he doesn’t have to time of day for us.”

“And now to introduce my teaching assistants, all of whom are all second year law students. Hamid Prince...”

A tall, dark, and handsome man with black hair and deep brown eyes stood up in the first row and turned to wave to the class.

“He’s cute,” Anna muttered under her breath, unintentionally loud enough for Annabelle to hear.

“I suppose if you like that type,” Annabelle replied.

“What type?” Anna questioned.

“Male.” Annabelle chuckled and Anna followed.

“Well then we won’t ever have to worry about falling for the same guy.”

“Nope Anna, you can have them all.”

“...And then we have Luke Harper.”

“Oh my god, I know him!” Anna exclaimed. “He was my brother Harry’s best friend.

Annabelle cocked her head to the side. “Was?”

“It’s...Anna struggled to find the right words. She didn’t feel like crying in her first class or putting a new friend she’d known for 15 minutes in the awkward position of not knowing how to respond to her depressing story. She been through that enough in the past couple months. “I’d rather tell you later if you don’t mind.”

Annabelle must have sensed something in Anna’s demeanor because she was happy to change the subject. “Not a problem.”

“...And last but not least, Ernest Sinclaire.”

There was something very familiar about the man, and as he turned around, it hit her. “Oh...I know him too. Well kind of. He almost trampled me in the book store. He could hardly be bothered to say sorry.”

“Sounds like he left quite the impression on you.” Annabelle smirked. “He’s that handsome, broody type that comes off all serious but is probably wild in bed.”

“Annabelle! Hush...Fine, I think he’s kind of hot, but he seems like a jerk, so none of that really matters. Plus, what kind of name is Ernest anyway? Are we in the 1800s?”

“Uh-huh.” Annabelle wasn’t buying it, and Anna couldn’t blame her. Anna was inexplicably attracted to this man who would probably never give her the time of day. It didn’t even make sense. Ernest seemed too serious, maybe a bit pretentious, and not her typical type at all. He had a handsome face, but didn’t ooze sex appeal like Hamid. For all she knew he didn’t have teeth because he didn’t appear to know how to smile. He was dressed nice in a white button-down shirt and khaki’s but he stood out as being a bit overdressed compared to Hamid and Luke who wore jeans and t-shirts. But she’s felt something in that brief moment in the book store, and seeing him now stirred up those feelings again.

“Anyway, I wonder why Professor Richards doesn’t have any female T.A.s,” Anna pondered, trying to change the subject as quickly as possible.

“You know how I said he has a reputation?” Annabelle answered. “I don’t think you could pay most of the female law students to work with him. If the rumors are true, he’s a real scumbag.”

Anna shuddered. “I kind of get that vibe.”

The rest of class was uneventful - mostly just going over the syllabus and getting an into to the class subject matter with more than a couple tales of the professors personal accomplishments thrown in. This was going to be a long semester, but thankfully she had Annabelle to suffer through class with her.

“I’m going to go say hi to Luke.” Anna told Annabelle as soon a class ended.

“I’ve gotta run to my next class, so I’ll catch you later. Annabelle pulled out her phone. “Here, give me your number and I’ll text you mine.”

Anna made her way to the front of the class after the numbers were exchanged. Luke’s face lit up when he saw her. “Hey, little Edgewater! Bring it here.” Luke opened his arms and Anna leaned into his embrace. Luke and Harry had become fast friends their freshman year of undergrad.  Since Luke’s parents were across the country in California and didn’t have money to fly him back during breaks, he often came home with Harry. Anna hadn’t seen him since Harry’s funeral, and it brought up a mix of emotions, but mostly she was happy to have another reminder of Harry nearby. 

“Edgewater?” Anna hadn’t noticed but Ernest was still standing at the front of the room near Luke and Hamid. “Are you Harry’s sister?”

Anna, shocked at both his interest in the conversation and hearing her bother’s name come from his lips, turned to Ernest. “You knew Harry?”

“Of course he did.” Hamid chimed in. “Harry was friends with everyone - even with recluses like Sinclaire over here.” A scowl crept up on Ernest’s face but he didn’t respond. “I knew Harry had a sister, but he never mentioned how stunningly gorgeous she was.” Hamid’s smile was as charming as his words.

“Come on, Hamid,” Luke shook his head. “Anna’s like my little sister.”

“I’m sure Harry would appreciate you looking out for me Luke, but I’m not 15 anymore.” Although Ernest was silent, Anna couldn’t help but glance out of the corner of her eye to see his reaction. His features were still, as if set in stone, but his piercing blue eyes were fixed on her. Did he see her as Harry's kid sister like Luke did? Or did he agree with Hamid and see her as an attractive woman? Maybe he was glaring at her because she was getting in the way of whatever he needed to discuss with the other two. All Anna knew was she cared too much about this mysterious, surly guy who had hardly said two words to her.

"I have a feeling this girl can hold her own." Hamid gently nudged his shoulder against hers. "Did Luke tell you about the party at our place Friday night?" Anna didn't look over at Ernest this time, but she swore she could feel his eyes boring into the side of her head.

"No, I didn't get the chance. Anna you are welcome to come. You too Sinclaire, even though I know you won't show up." Everyone laughed but Ernest who was still stone-faced.

"I'm shocked, Luke. You are going to let me attend a college party?" Anna teased.

"Hey, if you are with me, you can't be getting into trouble elsewhere. I can keep my eye on you this way."

"Heh. You make it sound so fun." She said dryly. "But since I don't have a lot of friends here yet, I probably won't have other plans. Maybe you'll be lucky enough to be graced by my presence." She might have imagined it but she thought she saw the faintest hint of a smile on Ernest's lips, if only for a second.

"There's the Anna I know and love." Luke clapped her on the shoulder.

"It's great to see you again Luke...and nice to meet both of you." She looked to Hamid and then Ernest.

"I look forward to getting to know you better Anna." Hamid flashed her another toothy grin.

"As her _instructors, _I'm certain we'll all be seeing her frequently. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to get to my next class." Ernest smiled thinly at Anna and went on his way.

Hamid and Luke exchanged looks, and Anna had no clue what to make of things. But as Ernest had so clearly emphasized, they were her instructors and partially responsible for determining her grade in the class. She was there to learn, and she just needed to focus on that.

Tag List: @quacksonlover, @cocomaxley, @tmarie82, @simplyaiden-blog, @lizeboredom, @alexanderkeith, @debramcg1106, @llholloway, @zackzilberg, @confessionsofabrokegirl, @writtenbycandy, @butindeed, @shelivesinthewoods, @nicestrokepam, @leelee10898, @fluffy-marshmallow-heart, @future-mrs-gremlin, @hellospunkiebrewster, @walkerduchess, @pens-girl-87, @sweetfluffyunicorn18, @blackcatkita, @jadedpixiescribbles, @damienazariostan, @yesterday4, @snyggflicka, @endless-vall, @choicesatnight, @hopefulmoonobject, @enmchoices, @theroyalweisme, @the-everlasting-dream, @too-poor-to-buy-keys p>For @zigthetwig, @hhiggs​, @mfackenthal​, @alesana45​, @thatspicegirlssong​, @quartzandarrow​, @flyawayblue56, @choicesyouplayandmore, @catlady0911

[crazy-noonoohead]

So no one told you life was gonna be this way. *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP!*

I’ve spent the past two months re-watching all of Friends from beginning to end (that’s right, all ten seasons in two months), and I just finished the series a couple of days ago. This was a project I had wanted to take on for a while now (and yes, binge-watching a TV show totally counts as a project, especially one that ran as long as Friends), and thanks to Netflix, I was finally able to do it. Friends is the first TV show that I remember ending. I spent most of my childhood under the assumption that TV shows just kept going until they got abruptly cancelled or the entire cast died of old age, but then the words “series finale” entered my life. Watching it now is a very different experience than watching it when it was on TV, and I have some thoughts.

Things that don’t hold up (I forgive these things because we were a lot less conscious of them in the 90s/early 2000s than we are now, but it’s still important to acknowledge the parts that would be considered offensive if the show had been written in this decade):

*Awful lot of straight, white, cisgender, thin people in New York City. In ten seasons, I think there have been three interracial relationships, and two involved the same person outside of the friend group (Ross and Julie, Joey and Charlie, Ross and Charlie). If I missed any, someone please let me know.

*Toxic masculinity. A lot of the jokes in this show give me an “LOL STRAIGHT MEN DOING SOMETHING FEMININE” vibe now (nap buddies, Chandler calling Joey a woman when he gets into potpourri, Chandler and Joey worrying if they hug too often). If those same jokes were in a script today, I would want them to make fun of the internalized toxic masculinity instead of making fun of the actions themselves. Although, in the episode where Ross freaks out about Ben having a Barbie doll, his side is clearly written as the wrong one, so they get points for that.

*Body shaming jokes. This one gets more of a pass, because even Monica joked about how she used to be overweight (“I WAS the pile of coats!”), but a lot of the comments about her past appearance would be criticized a lot more heavily today. Unfortunately, this is still an issue in media, but I think viewers are more likely to call TV shows out on it now than we were then.

*Ross’ jealous, controlling tendencies were written as funny quirks. Now I know to stay away from people who have those qualities as strongly as Ross does. That’s not endearing. That leads to unhealthy relationships.

*Trigger warning: Sexual assault.    They completely made light of the fact that Joey’s tailor sexually assaulted him for most of his life. While I admit I still laughed at the “That’s not how they do pants!” line, I don’t think a network would even dream of having that happen to any of the women on the show. Also, Paolo didn’t “make a move on” Phoebe. What he did was harassment.

*Semi-related to the last one, there was the occasional comment about characters liking certain celebrities who were later revealed to have sexually harassed and/or assaulted people. I 100% don’t fault the writers for this because they couldn’t have known, but watching now, with that knowledge, I definitely had some “...Oh” moments. Of course now I can’t think of any examples, but I know I’ve gotten that feeling a few times.

*With the exception of Rachel, everyone starts the show with stable jobs and enough financial security to live independently in nice apartments in their mid/late 20s. REALLY? Maybe that was easier in the 90s, but it wasn’t THAT easy. I’m now older than these characters were at the beginning of the series, and very few of my friends have moved out of their parents’ houses. Our 20s aren’t as grown up as we used to think.

Things that totally still hold up:

*Everyone’s comedic timing! They may not be the greatest, most versatile actors ever (I still see their Friends characters in other roles they’ve played), but they’re still very funny and they delivered their lines and reactions in just the right ways.

*The bittersweet, mostly-feel-good, classic sitcom ending. Its series finale had every quality most people would expect and want, and while most of my favorite series finales don’t wrap everything up neatly, this one did so in a good, effective way. I do have that “one coupling in a TV friend group is enough” mindset, and I even thought that when I first watched the finale at 13, but I still wasn’t bothered by Rachel getting off the plane. Although, I cared more that it would be easier for Ross to see Emma than I did about his relationship with Rachel.

*Their willingness not to shy away from some of the more serious life events, obviously aside from the one I mentioned earlier in this note. The best example is when Monica and Chandler found out they probably couldn’t have children. This was one of the only times Chandler didn’t try to lighten the mood with a joke, because it was a big deal and had to be treated as such. Showing the difficulty of the adoption process added to this, because while I may not have personal experience in the matter (yet), I know it’s not easy.

*Alternatively, finding the humor in serious situations. Phoebe had a very disturbing past, but the way she talked about it so casually is still funny. No one’s laughing at her mom’s death (hopefully), but the show allows us to laugh at her willingness to joke about it...and use it to guilt-trip people into giving her what she wants.

*How quickly Chandler accepted his dad after going to his show. I don’t think his issues were ever with his dad being gay, but more that he left, and the person he left for also happened to be a man. Yes, there were jokes about his dad wearing dresses in public, but of course that bothered him as a child, because kids in elementary and middle school are mean and used that to make fun of him. Allowing himself to move past that and reconnect with his dad after years of not speaking was a great moment in the series, and again, wasn’t played as a joke. Something funny probably happened immediately after that, but the moment itself was taken seriously.

*So many things are still relatable. The struggles of finding a job, eventually finding a new job you really love, finding meaningful romantic relationships (for those of you who are interested in those), etc. will always be relevant. Watching Rachel’s journey from someone who still relied on her parents’ money to someone with enough financial independence has a lot more meaning to me now than it did when the show first aired.

*Going back to Ross being jealous and controlling, I like that Rachel got mad and called him out instead of immediately forgiving him because it meant that he cares about her. His actions may have made the audience laugh, but he still didn’t get away with it.

*Despite the lack of non-white characters, the few interracial relationships just were. Julie happened to be Asian and Charlie happened to be black, and no one made a thing out of it.

*All six characters have both flattering and not so flattering qualities, and you never doubt that they genuinely care about each other. I don’t think I need to elaborate any more.

Other random thoughts:

*I’m definitely the most like Phoebe, but I have Chandler’s sarcastic humor, as well as some aspects of Monica in the way I like some things organized.

*I want a CD of all of Phoebe’s songs. “Smelly Cat” is still better than the entire score to [show title redacted].

*A lot of cool celebrity cameos/guest stars, most of which are people I wouldn’t start recognizing until years later! (Hank Azaria, Jane Lynch, Billy Crystal, Robin Williams, Ellen Pompeo, Ron Glass, Mae Whitman, and Danny DeVito, to name a few.)*I never watched Mad About You, but now that I know Ursula is a character on that show, I appreciate the cross-over.

*There’s a fan theory that Ross has Asperger’s, and I’m into it.

*Rachel ordering the lobster on her date with Joey was definitely a shout-out to “He’s her lobster” back in the second season, her getting sick from what she thought was the lobster was an indication that they didn’t belong together, and her getting sick right before she has an affair with him in the alternate universe episode proves that even more (shout-out to my friend Tracy for bringing that last part to my attention), and nothing will convince me otherwise.

*To help myself ease out of the withdrawal, I started watching Joey. It’s not as bad as I remember people saying it was, but...it’s not that good. With the exception of Joey, the characters are pretty one-dimensional, and a lot of the jokes feel forced. The fact that I only remembered two things from the show (memorizing a monologue but performing it at the wrong play, and presenting an award to the wrong person YEARS BEFORE STEVE HARVEY DID IT) says a lot about its quality. As much as I love Joey, I think the wrong friend got the spin-off. The one I’d really like to see is about Phoebe’s life before she met the rest of the group. Just like she always does, she’d be able to find the humor even in the toughest of times, and I think it would be a very interesting story.

*I still hear, “we’d come up to poop in your ear” instead of, “your week, your month, or even your year,” despite knowing better.

*They were most definitely, without a single doubt, on a break.

So parts of Friends didn’t age well, but 10-20 years from now, we’ll be saying the same thing about beloved TV shows from this decade. And in my personal opinion, the parts that did age well outweigh the parts that didn’t, which is why I love it just as much now as I did back then. I’m thrilled that after all these years, it’s still there for me, like it’s been there before.

[ethicallysourcedhumanmeat]

Coming Clean: 2

[Masterpost]-[AO3]-[First] 6600 words - Warning for Biphobia and homophobia

Yoosung had been wrong about how often they’d have to see his mother.  It became clear around the third time they made excuses that she was suspicious but Yoosung did not want to relent.  He agreed to the next invitation but made excuses at the last minute, the next time he tried his father offered to call her family, invite them all to the house for dinner.

It sounded more like a threat than an invitation.

So they accepted the next few invites, Yoosung’s mood always sour the following day.  Both showering Seven with affection but also on edge, any small thing that went wrong would elicit either tears and apologies or a long rant.  Seven let him be, it only ever lasted a day and he was back to his normal happy self. 

They ended up finding a schedule that kept his mother happy, less suspicious, but she never failed to bring them down in their happiest moments.

“—‘s a very nice girl, Yoosung,” he could hear Mrs. Kim on the other line when he slipped into Yoosung’s apartment, a combination of the way she spoke and the volume of Yoosung’s phone carrying the other half of the conversation through the small apartment.

“Yes she is Mom,” Yoosung said through gritted teeth, exams were over and he was ready to reclaim his LOLOL title, finally number one with the retirement of the mysterious HackerGod.  Seven could see him mouse-ing over his characters waiting for the call to end.

“It’s just that I worry when I see you spending time with that boy.”

Seven’s ears perked up, they were very careful, there was almost never pictures of him on the internet anyway, even on the facebook account he maintained his face rarely appeared.  He only every allowed it for—

“That was an RFA meeting Mom.”

“I realize that sweetie but is it really a good—”

“I can’t control who’s a member Mom,” Yoosung growls his cheeks hot as he glances back at his boyfriend pulling out his own laptop.

“Perhaps I could speak to that nice man in charge, that Jumin Han, he seemed so nice last time I spoke to him.”

He lets out a sharp breath and sets his computer down on the beat up coffee table.  He can almost hear Yoosung’s teeth grinding while he tries to form a reasonable excuse for her not to.  Seven walks over to him and rests his hands on Yoosung’s shoulders pressing kisses to the top of his head and then across his forehead when the blond boy leans back and looks up at him.  He smiles and Yoosung forces himself to smile back.

“Mom, Seven works very hard for the RFA, you could just trust me,” he presses his lips together before he forces himself to say, “I love Sae now, it’s fine. Everyone is fine Mom.”

“I may call him anyway, just in case, you have another of those parties coming up don’t you, are you going to take Sae?”

“It’s work Mrs. Kim,” Seven calls out, his voice pitched slightly up, “Yoosung won’t have any time to dance with me so I refuse to go.”

He can hear her on the other end, flustered and apologizing, but he’s smiling his goofy smug smile when Yoosung hangs up and swivels in his chair to look at him.  “What?” He pouts, adjusting his clips where his phone had pushed them askew.

“It’s at least good that she thinks we’re two different people right?”

“That’s what you took away from that?” Yoosung snorts.

“I’m thinking about retiring from IT and joining Zen on the stage,” he says dropping into Yoosung’s lap.  “Maybe Sae could be my alter ego, and when you break her heart and go back to you filthy man loving ways she can date Zen!”

Seven erupts into a fit of laughter as Yoosun shoves him off his lap, but he’s laughing too.  It’s been Six months since Yoosung’s parents had met him, almost a year since he’d admitted to Yoosung that; No Babe, friends don’t actually practice kissing with one another outside bad teen films, almost a year since Yoosung had said thank god because I think I love you.

No one had been surprised when they started dating.  Seven’s attempts at romance were kindergarten level, they could all tell why he picked on Yoosung, they were just waiting for Yoosung to figure it out.  Yoosung had seemed disappointed by the reaction.

“Did you bring them,” Yoosung asks from his computer desk, already logged in now, not even glancing back at him.

“Bring what?” Seven asks innocently as he starts up LOLOL.

Yoosung snorts, he reaches into the little cube fridge on his desk and tosses a PhD Pepper to him without looking. Seven smiles, god he loved this tunnel vision nerd. “You know what,” Yoosung says with a wave of his hand that Seven knows means get on with it.

“Condoms?” Seven asks logging his character in, HackerGod may have retired but that didn’t mean he couldn’t help Yoosung keep his hand-me-down title.

“Saeyoung,” Yoosung whines.

“Yes I brought them,” Seven chuckles, knowing Yoosung means Honey Buddah Chips, but still liking to tease him.  “They’re in my trunk but you have to get them yourself, I feel like your dealer, it makes me feel dirty.”

“Aw really?” Yoosung turns now, puppy dog eyes engaged, big fake pout.

“Yes really,” Seven nods, he’s going to be firm today, he’s not going to fall for the puppy eyes.

“Please?” Yoosung swivels his chair and bats his eyelashes.

“Babe,” Seven says, trying not to laugh.  If he laughs Yoosung will win, and Yoosung won way too often these days.

He pouts and he brushes his hair out of his face, flashing his best sad eyes at his boyfriend before he heaves himself out of his chair with a groan.  He shuffles past Seven on the couch, another pout carelessly tossed in his boyfriend’s direction before he slips his sneakers on and opens the door.

“Hey,” Seven calls from the couch and Yoosung turns, a big smile on his face turning confused when he hears the jangle of keys.  “You need these to open the trunk, Yoosungie.”

He struggles to catch them, managing mostly to bat them out of the air and straight to the floor. He grumbles when he has to pick them up.  When Yoosung is out the door Seven sits down at his computer, giving one playful spin on the protesting swivel chair before typing in a few commands to make Yoosung’s character effectively unkillable.

He’s sitting back at the couch looking bored when Yoosung lumbers through the door.  He drops the keys on the table next to Seven’s laptop and sits heavily on the couch with the box in his lap.  It’s covered in stickers, and Yoosung can’t help the smile, a combination of animal and medical themed stickers decorate it with little heart doodles.  Seven always decorated the box.

“You want a bag?” He asks, carefully opening the box.

Seven shakes his head and produces his own bag from his backpack. “Brought my own Cutie-Pie.”

“You’re a jerk,” Yoosung laughs and reaches into the box.

Seven turns to him. “You should reach to the bottom, I bet those bags are fresher,” he smirks.

Yoosung cocks an eyebrow but he does what his boyfriend says.

It’s easy to find the surprise at the bottom of the box, the hard metal box beneath crinkling bags full of air and chips.  Yoosung pulls it out and sets the big box on the floor with a curious glance at his boyfriend.  Seven is suddenly very busy sorting his inventory on LOLOL.

“What’s this?” Yoosung asks softly.

“Did you know,” Seven says lazily, but Yoosung can hear the nerves in the way he tries to joke, “that the next party is on our anniversary.”

Silence.

And then Yoosung is pressed against him, arms wrapping around him pressing kisses to his cheek, his nose, his temple, and his hair, he hasn’t even opened the box yet. “I didn’t,” he starts nervously toying with the smooth metal case in his hands, “I didn’t realize we had one of those.”

Seven laughs.

“I mean the way it happened, it’s not like one day we were friends and the next we were boyfriends,” Yoosung whispers.

He nods, “I just sort of picked a day in the middle,” it’s a lie.  He picked the day Yoosung had said he thought he loved him. “I thought you’d want to celebrate but I didn’t want to make a fuss at the party.”

“You’re a liar,” Yoosung chuckles, “you’re dying to make a fuss at the party.”

Seven laughs, “Okay, you’ve got me but you know we can’t.”

They’re quiet for a moment.  Mrs. Kim had infiltrated almost every second of their lives.  Making an effort to not even be seen standing too close to one another in the background of someone else’s photos.  Now she was infiltrating RFA meets via Instagram and harassing Yoosung.  He’d love for it to be over but he knows how badly Yoosung wants to rely on himself after this and he respects that.

Yoosung swallows, he presses his arm against Sevens and opens the box, a little gasps escaping his lips. “Saeyoung.”

“Do you like it?” He knows he’s blushing, Yoosung hadn’t exactly asked for a watch and he’s worried he’ll have an idea how much money he’s spent on it but he pushes forward turning it over in the smaller man’s hand. “Look I had it engraved.  I thought it was something you could wear in front of your Mom without making her suspicious.”

1011000011 is engraved on the inside of the watch.

“Wow,” Yoosung breaths, “it’s, wow.”

Seven smiles, “You like it?”

He nods, “But I don’t know what it means,” he says, his voice still low.

“707.”

Yoosung doesn’t realize just how expensive the watch is until he wears it to the party.  Seven expects it to be Jumin to break the news but he’s surprised when Zen whistles through his teeth and takes Yoosung by the wrist. “Damn, he’s really fallen for you huh?”

Yoosung pulls his arm back and shrugs with a goofy grin on his face. “I dunno, probably.”

Seven chuckles as he follows Jaehee behind the stage to fix some small technical problem she’s claiming is the end of the world.  He’s almost done when Yoosung pushes the curtains aside and stomps towards him.

“How much money did you spend on this?” He demands.

“That’s rude,” Seven chuckles frowning at the computer screen.

“It’s too much Saeyoung.”

Seven shrugs. “It’s fine.”

“I can’t, it’s too much,” Yoosung has the watch in his palm holding out towards Seven.

“I can’t return it, Yoosung,” he smiles closing his boyfriends hand over the watch, “not with the engraving.” He didn’t know if it was true or not and he hoped Yoosung wouldn’t either.

Yoosung sighs. “Why would you spend so much on me?”

“If you don’t like it,” Seven smiles and kisses him on the cheek, “you could always sell it, doesn’t matter to me.”

It takes Yoosung a full minute before he realizes what that means. “You’re impossible,” he says putting the watch back on.

Seven shrugs.  In retrospect that was probably the moment it happened.

“I’ve been told,” he chuckles as Yoosung struggles with the curtain behind him.

“I can’t, you, ugh,” Yoosung groans and hooks his arm around Seven’s.

“It’s your choice, I don’t mind either way, you could sell the watch and you’d have next semester’s tuition if you need it, or you keep it and you have a very nice watch.”

Yoosung whines again and buries his face in Seven’s shoulder for a moment before they step apart, the first few guests of the night filter in and they begin the ritual of being separate in public.

It’s weeks later when Yoosung gets a call from his sister.

“Yoosung,” she says, and he sets his controller on Seven’s coffee table gesturing for Saeran to turn the TV down.

“You sound worried what’s wrong.”

The twins turn to look at him.

“You sound fine,” she says carefully, “so you haven’t talked to her yet.”

Yoosung’s face falls and the twins mouth what’s wrong at him in unison.

He shakes his head and walks away from the couch. “Why,” he asks.  They’d met his parents for lunch in the city a few days before, nothing had seemed off.  His mother had even seemed more relaxed, he hadn’t even been as upset afterwards.

“You know your party was in the paper right?”

Yoosung shrugs and makes a non-committal noise.  Jaehee had mentioned it but he hadn’t really thought about it, he didn’t get the paper and he hadn’t considered looking.  It wasn’t the first time, it had been years since they started, and this was at least the third party since Jumin and Kit had taken over.

“Yoosung,” she says, “there’s a picture of you with your boyfriend.”

“That can’t be right,” he says, he felt so calm.

“Yoosung I’m looking at it,” she says softly.

“It’s just a group photo right,” he says, he knows he should be panicking but everything seems to be slowing down. Kit showed them all the official photos from the party, the whole group approved every photo they’d sent to the press. “I think Jumin stood him behind me?  Jumin has this—”

“Yoosung you’re standing on a stage holding his hand,” she says.

“No,” He says with a bit of a laugh, “no I don’t think so, I don’t think that happened.”  He’s still so calm, he feels like he’s floating.  Maybe he’s died, he considers, maybe his mother killed him with her mind and he’s dead.

“Yoosung I am looking at it,” she stresses.

He chews the inside of his cheek.  “Does she know?” He asks softly, grabbing the back of a chair, his chest if tight now and the calm floating feeling starting to dissipate.  The twins are behind him and somewhere underwater he hears Seven’s phone chime.

“She, I, Yoosung I don’t know.  She told me to get the paper, I think so,” his sister sounds nervous.  “But she hasn’t called you.”

He shakes his head and then he swallows, “N-no, I, no she hasn’t.”

Seven’s hand is on his elbow and he doesn’t hear what his sister is saying because all he can hear is “—ext week Mrs. Kim?  I don’t really know you should probably call Yoosung, ab— s-surprise him?”

Yoosung turns and his eyes meet Seven’s, he looks as confused as Yoosung, all he can do is nod.

“—ung, Yoosung,” his sister is almost yelling.

“Sorry, I’m here,” he turns from Seven back to his own conversation.

“I’m in the city right now, are you busy?  Can I buy you lunch.”

“Fuck,” Yoosung groans.  Things had been going so well, she wasn’t on his case he was hoping to get through Christmas.  Christmas money could have been put away with the bits he’d managed to save here and there, a few months rent at least.  His grades were back up but he’d had to work so hard, could he do the same with a job.

Could he sell the watch?

“Yoosung, remember that place Dad used to take us when we were kids, right before school started every year when we’d come into the city for our school supplies?”

“I can’t,” he tries and swallows again, “I can’t afford to buy lunch, not—”

“I’m buying Yoosung, bring your boyfriend.”

Yoosung fills Seven in while he grabs his things, and throws a sweater at Seven while apologizing to Saeran.  He’s a nervous mess in the car on the way to the restaurant, he doesn’t stop and wait to be seated, and it’s Seven who apologizes to the Hostess as he’s dragged behind Yoosung to the corner booth near the kitchen where a pretty woman in her late 20s , by Seven’s estimate, smiles at them.  The same Lavender eyes as Yoosung staring out from beneath golden brown bangs.

“I already ordered,” she says and the smile on her face starts to fade and she sizes him up, “so you’re my brother’s boyfriend.”

Seven nods as Yoosung slides into the bench across from his sister.

“Does he talk?” She laughs.

“I normally can’t stop him,” Yoosung glances at him and Seven slips in beside him.

“Sorry,” Seven says softly, “you two look a lot alike.”

They both blush.

“Mom hasn’t called you yet?” his sister asks.

“I, no Yuna, she hasn’t called me,” he says looking at Seven.

“She called me,” he nods, “but she didn’t say she knew, she wanted me to bring you to dinner Friday, s-she said to surprise you.”

He squeezes Yoosung’s hand in his own while they look to his sister.

“She invited you, to bring Yoosung to a surprise dinner?” Yuna frowns, and Seven watches as her face contorts into the same expression Yoosung wears while studying. “Why wou—”

“She didn’t know she was inviting Seven,” Yoosung cuts in, like he’d only just remembered.

“What?” Yuna asks, her frown deepens.

“Sae, she was inviting Sae to dinner to surprise me,” Yoosung finishes. “Seven is Sae.”

“Wait,” Yuna covers her face and they all sit back as a waiter places drinks in front of them and apologizes to her about the wait for their food.  She forces a smile and waves him off. “Yoosung what do you mean he’s Sae.”

Seven laughs, they both pull out their phones and pull up photos.  “She’s just me in a wig,” he shrugs.

 “And Mom hasn’t noticed?” Yuna covers her mouth, but the giggles spill out anyway.

Yoosung shrugs, “She made comments about how I better not break that girl’s heart the couple times Seven and I were too close to each other in the background of Zen’s selfies so I’m pretty sure she hasn’t.”

“I don’t think you’re parents looked too closely at me when they met me,” he says and Yoosung hugs his arm.

“What is she doing,” Yuna groans.

Yuna pulls a newspaper out of her purse and lays it down in front of them and Seven sends a photo of it to Jumin while the siblings frown at each other.

“She didn’t invite you to dinner though?” Yoosung asks and Yuna shakes her head.

“Normally Father Park would be coming to dinner and with Joon not being Catholic she doesn’t normally invite us.”

Yoosung and Seven glance at one another. “So she’s inviting Sae and I to dinner with Father Park?” Yoosung says slowly.

“Oh,” Yuna covers her mouth.

“Is he all, you know, fire and brimstone?” Seven asks.  He’d always been careful to find services held by more moderate priests.

“I don’t know,” Yoosung looks to Yuna but she shrugs, “he’s new, since I left for school.”

“Father Rhee was brimstone,” Yuna adds, “he suggested Mom disown me until Joon converted but I guess people probably just assume he’s catholic when they see him, or you know normal people don’t even care.”

“More convenient that, than being the wrong gender right?” Seven snorts.

“You know she had the girls baptized while I was having my appendix removed?” Yuna chuckles.

“S-she said you asked,” Yoosung stammers.

“You were there?” Seven frowns.

“I was visiting over summer break because Mom needed a hand with the girls.”

“Yoosung is a godfather.  When she kills me for taking his side are you prepared for that responsibility?” Yuna laughs.  “It’s not a big deal, I mean I go to church when we visit but we’re not really anything, so she splashed some water on their heads. At the time I was mad but it’s one less guilt trip so I let it go.”

“Is that what I should do,” Yoosung sighs.

“What?” Yuna and Seven almost shout.

“No, Yoosung, of course not.” Yuna shakes her head. “She’s passed far beyond harmless infuriating bullshit.”

Yoosung shakes his head.

“Are you going to be ok without the money?” She asks.

“I have a little saved,” he says quietly as their food is set in front of him, “and I’ve got my grades back up, I don’t know how I’ll deal with a job and classes and having to be in the clinic again next semester.”

“Do they do like, apprenticeships?” Yuna asks, “Can you get your clinic hours in and get paid?”

“I-I don’t think so,” Yoosung shrugs and fiddles with his watch.

“There’s always Jumin, he could probably hire you on as a temp at C&R,” Seven smiles.

“I don’t know if I could work for Jumin, especially now that Jaehee isn’t there.”

Seven chuckles. “You know I bought you that watch just for this reason.”

Yoosung sighs. “I know but, I don’t want to sell it just for me.”

“A watch?” Yuna cocks an eyebrow at them and Yoosung holds out his wrist.

“You know,” Seven smirks, “I could always just hack the school, if you lose your scholarship.”

“No!” Yoosung squeaks, “I don’t want that, I don’t— I appreciate you offering all of this but I want to do it myself, if I sell this watch I want it to be for something us not for me.  I don’t want you to hack for me, it’s bad enough you’re still doing it for Jumin.”  He starts aggressively shoveling his lunch into his mouth as if to end the conversation and both Yuna and Seven laugh.

Gradually the conversation turns more casual.  Seven loosens up and eggs Yoosung on to tell stories, Seven’s favorite being the time Yoosung had been volunteered during a livestock lesson to aid in a birth.  Yeah I’m still confident in our relationship, Seven liked to joke, who hasn’t been shoulder deep in a vagina in this day and age.

Yuna had cackled and Seven had blushed.

“You were kind of quiet,” Yoosung says on their way back from lunch.

“You told me to shut up three times,” he laughs.

Yoosung sighs, “You know what I mean.”

“I just,” he adjusts his glasses, “I wanted to be sure she was really on your side.  Mom used to play Saeran and I against one another.  I didn’t want to see you get hurt again.”

He waits for Yoosung to get defensive but all he does is laugh. “But she passed then, she’s safe.”

“I’m gonna have to run a background check just to be sure, check her credit, see if she has any shady underworld connections.”

Yoosung laughs. “God, you know Mom could be thankful, at least my boyfriend is Catholic.”

They both laugh.

“What was Yuna like when you were little?” Seven asks quietly. “You never really talked about her before.”

“I didn’t really know her before,” Yoosung shrugs.  “She’s a lot older than I am.  She was nice to me, except when she wasn’t but I think it was all normal sibling stuff. She moved out when I was nine or ten.”

Seven takes him home and he’s waiting for his bus when he gets the call from Jumin.

“Yoosung I wanted to let you know that Kit and I have spoken with the Newspaper, Seven has mentioned the photo has caused some trouble he was not specific.”

“I-It’s fine Jumin, we’re uh dealing with it,” Yoosung tries.  He doesn’t want to think about the photo or the weekend right now.

“Never the less, we had provided images to a number of publications, had this been a questionable photo of Zen or myself, or had it shown more of Seven’s face, we make these arrangements for a reason, it’s a breach of contract. I wished for you to know that I am not taking this lightly.”

“Thanks Jumin.” Yoosung drops into a window seat.

“Yoosung,” he can hear the tone of Jumin’s voice change and he braces himself, “Seven did not provide me with details of your trouble but I have to wonder, is this to do with your scholarship?  Have your grades slipped again?”

He groans, it was not what he was expecting but it was just as bad. “No Jumin, I’m doing a lot better in school, you know since everything.  I don’t know it’s been better my grades are fine.”

“Hmm, that is good to hear.  I had thought perhaps that had been his reason for buying you such a extravagant watch.”

“My watch,” Yoosung coughs, “how does everyone know about this watch but me? What about my watch?”

Jumin chuckles. “Seven had asked me to recommend a watch that would be worth a semester at university, he was not subtle, Yoosung.”

Yoosung sighs and sips at the coffee in the thermos Seven had given him.  He stares at the stainless steel cup and wonders if this is another mystery investment gift.

“I had simply wondered,” Jumin continued, “if you do find yourself in need of a job you need only ask, I hope you know that.  I would certainly make concessions for your time similar to those I’ve made with Seven.  I would make sure not to impact your school work, perhaps find something you could do remotely.”

“I-uh, thanks Jumin, if it comes to—thanks.”

The only times Yoosung feels at ease that week are when he’s working with animals and when he’s alone with Seven.  Even when they discuss what kind of things that might happen this weekend Yoosung feels calmer just knowing Seven has his back.

“What if they want to send you to one of those camps or whatever?” Saeran says giving his brother a shove the night before the dinner.

Yoosung chews on his lip. “I don’t think, I mean I’m an adult they’d have to have my permission right?  We’d just leave.”

“Yeah?” Saeran says leaning forward, “What if you can’t just leave.”

“Then I’ll come get him,” Seven frowns shoving his brother back. “Got you back didn’t I?”

Saeran snorts. “And I don’t even suck your dick.”

“Jesus, Saeran,” Seven laughs hitting his brother with a pillow while Yoosung hides his face.

They get up early the next morning.  Seven wrapping himself around Yoosung and burying his face in his hair, he whines when Yoosung tries to drag them both out from under the blankets, holding on tighter while his boyfriend laughs and struggles.

They shower together, laughing at one another as they brush their teeth in the shower to save the time Seven had wasted in bed.  Seven makes exaggerated sex noises while Yoosung washes his hair and then he pulls the smaller man closer to him and kisses him softly when he sees the blush on his face.

Seven is still in the bathroom with his towel around his waist staring into the mirror when Yoosung is finished getting dressed. “Not that it matters,” Yoosung tries to laugh, “but we’re going to be late.”

Golden eyes turn lazily to him and Seven smiles. “I know I just can’t decide how far to take this today.”

Yoosung looks at the makeup brushes and pencils sitting on the bathroom counter in front of him, next to a new package of daily contacts.

“Wear your glasses,” Yoosung shrugs. “It’s not like it matters right?”

“Are you sure Yoosung? What about—”

“And eyeliner,” Yoosung adds with a smirk, “not for her, I just thinkitscute,” the last few words run together as he loses his nerve.

Seven reaches out and pulls Yoosung against him again, tilting his chin up and staring down at him. “Cutie pie,” he coos and Yoosung can feel himself melt as Seven’s tongue slips into his mouth.

He lets out a small whine when Seven pulls back with a smile.

“We don’t have to go,” Seven smirks, “you could tell her off on the phone and we could spend the day in bed, test out Saeran’s noise canceling headphones?”

Yoosung can feel his ears turning pink and it takes considerable effort to bring himself to push away from his boyfriend.  Of course Seven could have simply asked him to sit on his couch and watch him field C&R IT calls for 8 hours and if would have sounded more appealing than whatever they would be walking into at his parents.

“Have you tried turning your boyfriend off and then on again?” Saeran grumbles shoving Seven out of the bathroom.

Seven laughs and grabs the eyeliner off the counter before stumbling into his blushing boyfriend.  “Come on,” he laughs, “I could put this on and we could go back to bed.”

Yoosung groans. “No I wa-need to do this.  We need to see it through.”

“I guess I did promise Yuna that I’d send her a picture of your Moms face when I took the wig off.”

“What?  When?”

“She called yesterday while you were in the bathroom, she also promised to send me baby pictures.”

“What!”

“Cute little Yoosungie baby pictures,” he giggles as Yoosung throws a pair of pants at him.

“Hey,” he laughs falling over, “what am I wearing this for, I thought you wanted her to be surprised.”

“That was past Yoosung,” he frowns digging through Seven’s dresser.  “Now I just want to get this over with.”

Seven had spent the evening before carefully braiding the purple wig in case the opportunity arose to be as dramatic as possible and once he’s dressed Yoosung helps him pin the wig on instead gluing it like he normally would.

The two hour drive to Yoosung’s parents house is quiet.  Neither of them really know exactly what they’re driving into, Mrs. Kim had asked Sae to surprise Yoosung but it’s not as though Yoosung would still be surprised by the time they got to the house, and Yuna had said they invite their priest to dinner, apparently many of the congregation did this.

Yoosung worried about what Saeran had said, about what would happen if they were prepared to try to force anything on to him.

Seven worried about his temper, and he worried about Yoosung.  He could handle how messed up his own family was, and he could handle Yoosung’s parents but he was used to shitty families.  Yoosung had grown up thinking his parents were old fashioned but basically good people and now he was watching that dissolve at a terrifying speed.  Yoosung had always had his family to fall back on, and Seven hoped that he could pick up the slack.

There was a period where he could see Yoosung staring wide eyed ahead that he wished he’d asked someone else to come with them.  Maybe his brother, or Zen.  Maybe he could call Jumin and have the entire RFA ready to storm Yoosung’s parents dinner and prove just how perfect he was.  Just how fucked up they were for doing this to him.

The Kim’s are waiting for them when he parks the car in front of their house.  Yoosung had insisted he bring the Red one, just like he’d insisted that Seven wear his glasses, and dress less femme.  Seven wasn’t sure if he was seeing how many boundaries he could push before they burst this bubble.  Or if he was proving to himself how little interest they’d taken in Seven so that he could rip the bandaid off easier.

“Father Park,” Yoosung’s mother is introducing them to the man in the sweater vest before they’ve even gotten their shoes off, “this is my son and his girlfriend.  I’m so sorry they’re late. Yoosung has never been punctual; I don’t know where he gets it from.”

Seven is pretty sure he can hear Yoosung growling under his breath.

Aside from glances the priest gives them, and the sad look Mrs. Kim has on her face when she thinks Seven can’t see her, there’s nothing particularly unusual about this dinner.  Yoosung’s father asks if he’d been surprised but Yoosung shakes his head.

“Sae doesn’t know anyone here, it was pretty obvious where we were going.”

The priest chuckles.

Seven takes as many chances as he can, he asks a number of questions of Father Park, all resulting in mostly moderate, largely open minded answers.  He has no idea where this dinner is going or why they continue to get pitying looks from this man.  Until they’ve finished dinner and Yoosung is helping Seven clear the table.

“Yoosung,” his father says in that tone he associates with their good cop, bad cop routine, “your mother was not entirely honest about why she asked Sae to bring you here.”

Suddenly Father Park looks very uncomfortable.

“Mom,” Yoosung starts, and Seven can hear how tired he is.  It’s kinder than he’s been when speaking of, or to her in weeks. “Mom,” he says again when she doesn’t look at him.  “Why don’t you sit down Mom.”

“I am fine Yoosung,” she says with a frown. 

“Mrs. Kim it was kind of you to have me for dinner,” Father Park forces a smile, “I believe we discussed this.”

“I understand Father but I think we should all sit down and have this out in front of god and—”

“If Yoosung, would like to talk with me about anything, I would happy to offer him direction but this is—”

“No this is fine,” Yoosung says shaking his head. “It’s alright Father, if my mother wants to do this I’m ok.”

Mrs. Kim narrows her eyes.  “Does your girlfriend know, Yoosung?”

“Does my girlfriend know what Mom, come on.”

“Does she know you’re a homo,” his father finishes.  The room goes quiet but his father only shrugs.  “Or whatever the term is, however you called yourself.”

Seven watches the way Yoosung’s face contorts as he tries to find the words.  He watches the way his parents’ eyes narrow on him waiting for his answer.  He sees the way the priest is trying his best to avoid eye contact with anyone.

“I don’t have a girlfriend,” Yoosung says quietly.  “I’ve never had a girlfriend.”

Seven freezes, is this the moment, is this when he pulls the wig off and shouts something witty and eye opening?  But Yoosung isn’t looking at him; he’s staring daggers at his parents.

“Yoosung,” his Mother speaks firmly, “does she know?” She repeats.

“It’s obvious she cares quite deeply for you,” his father continues.

“Did they tell you,” he turns on Father Park, “that they invited me here to, I don’t even know, out me to a person who doesn’t even exist.”

Father Park begins to talk and then stops, they all look at him and suddenly every smart ass comment he’s ever made in the history of his life was gone from his head.  So he smiles sheepishly and carefully pulls the wig off, stopping and pulling out the pins that stick.  He sets it on the table in front of him and runs his fingers through his hair.

“I look like I care deeply, because I do,” Seven says.  “Just like the day I pretended to break his heart so I didn’t have to watch you disown him.”

Yoosung swallows.

“They don’t even feel bad about it.” Mrs. Kim spits.

“I think I should go,” Father Park shakes his head, “you boys should leave too.”

“Is that all you have to say to them?” Yoosung’s mother turns on the priest.

“Mrs. Kim, I am aware some priests hold strong opinions on same sex relationships, I hope that I have never given that impression to my congregation.  Love is love and my God respects and cherishes all love.”  He turns to the boys, “I can’t exactly say I approve of this elaborate lie but I can respect you doing what you need to do to keep yourself safe.”

“I, t-thank you,” Yoosung stammers, more from shock than anything else.

A flash goes off and everyone looks at Seven. “For the scrap book,” he smirks.

“Do you boys have somewhere to go tonight?” Father Park asks as he puts on his Jacket.

“No thank you, Father,” Seven says, feeling lighter for the affirmation.

“Yoosung,” his mother almost growls as the door closes behind the priest, “this isn’t over; you don’t think we’ll continue to pay for your apartment.  I’m going to phone Mr. Han, your charity group should be aware what kind of people they allow in, I’m goin—”

“You were the last person I had to come out to Mom,” Yoosung interrupts her. “Jumin has already offered me a job if you cut me off, Seven and I are founding members of the RFA, and they’re like family, they knew before we knew.” He fumbles with the clasp of the watch and sets it on the table. “This is my tuition if I need it, my boyfriend owns a house if I need a place to stay.”

“Everything seems so simple when you’re young and know everything,” his mother throws up her hands.

“Your mother and I are just concerned about you Yoosung.”

“You’re not concerned about me,” Yoosung shouts.  “None of this has been about me, or you would have paid enough attention to the boyfriend I brought home to recognize when I brought him back in a wig.  You didn’t recognize his glasses or his car today.  You could see a tuft of his hair in the corner of an instagram photo but you didn’t see him sitting right in front of you.”

“We just want you to be happy,” his father tries again.

“You don’t want me to be happy,” his voice is shrill and he manages to laugh before he continues, “I am happy.”

“You’re a shining beacon of happiness,” Seven says carefully stepping up beside him, “that’s why I keep you around.”

Yoosung’s eyes narrow on his parents as he reaches for Seven’s hand.  “It’s never been about me,” he says quietly shaking his head and squeezing Seven’s hand so hard it almost hurts, “it’s about what people will think of you.  What the ladies at church will say behind your back and that’s not my problem.”

“Yoosung you need us,” his mother says weakly, sitting at the table, “we’re family.”

“You’re not my family,” Yoosung shakes his head, he doesn’t sound sad anymore.  Seven hasn’t ever heard Yoosung like this before.  Resolved, and confident, “I have Yuna and Joon, and I have Seven, and his brother and the RFA, I have my friends at school, I don’t need you.”

He starts to tug Seven out of the house but Seven stands firm.

“Come on, I want to go,” Yoosung says, not turning around.

“Hey Babe, just a minute,” Seven smiles at Yoosung’s scowling parents and waits for the blond to turn.  “I was going to wait until finals but I dunno?  I feel like spoiling you to prove a point.”

Yoosung laughs, a genuine laugh.

“Hold out your hand, Babe,” Seven smiles and when Yoosung does what he’s told he drops the Keys to the red car into his palm and closes his fingers around them.  “Now you can get to work without the bus, if that’s what you want to do.”

“Saeyoung,” Yoosung whispers letting the taller boy pull him into a hug.

“She was my first car and now she’s yours,” Seven glances at Yoosung’s parents, “I would give you anything in my power to see you safe and happy, I just ask,” his voice cracks a little and Yoosung twists a little to loosen his grip so he can look at him, “I ask that if you want to sell her, you sell her to me.”

Yoosung laughs and shoves him a little.  His parents are doing their best to ignore this little display and when Yoosung tugs Seven along behind him to leave Seven stops one last time in the door way to call out jovially, “Thanks for supper Mom and Dad, can’t wait to do it again next week.”

[starlit-scifi]

Chapter 4

First•Previous•Next

Colab isn’t that bad anymore with Lori there to walk you through it. Your study group soon gains another pair: Chemical Engineering major Manda Yu and Astrophysics major Hayleen Danara. They’re the only other female duo in your year, were paired up last term, and are now preparing for their six-week training mission scheduled for the end of this term.

Manda and Lori have been roommates since their first year, and spend most of their time together making snarky comments at each other about whatever ridiculousness goes on with the mils. You and Hayleen quickly lose track of the conversation through all the slang and jargon, and end up trading small talk. She’s also a Tusie, a year older than you, and from the complete opposite end of the habitable zone, but there’s still enough to chat about while you study.

“You really like Lori, huh?” she asks as you doodle in the margin of your notes, lulled by the virtual lecturer's voice. Your hand jerks and the stylus pen draws a broad streak across Diplomatic Practices of the New Space Age, 6th ed., before you lose control of it altogether. You fumble under the desk until you manage to grab it, then sit up with calm and collected poise, you hope. Lorina and Manda have noticed the disturbance, and Lori, apparently amused, gives a totally ladylike snort before she turns back to gossiping with Manda. Hayleen raises her eyebrow at you.

"She's a good partner," you say simply, once you’ve paused the recording.

She smiles. “That’s good to hear.”

“How about Manda?” You ask quickly, because that’s just how normal conversations work, you think.

“She’s wonderful. Best friend I’ve made here so far, honestly.”

“I’m glad.”

She nods. “The whole Colab thing is a lot easier when you’re with someone you like. Granted, a pair isn’t truly tested until they’ve been on the mission, but I can at least be pretty sure Manda won’t murder me in cold blood.”

“Don’t get your hopes up, honey,” Manda teases. “We haven’t even gotten to the stressful part yet. Lori, remember our first year, when our third-years were prepping? Remember Sandro?”

Lori grimaces. “Oh boy, do I remember.”

Manda turns back at you, smiling grimly. “We’ll spare you the gory details, but let’s just say the way some people behave under pressure while in positions of authority isn’t exactly pleasant.” Lori nods along.

You raise your eyebrows at Hay and she rolls her eyes. “I’ve heard the story. It wasn’t really that bad. She’s just being dramatic, as usual,” she adds, rolling her eyes.

“You know you love it,” Manda teases.

“Oh, you know I do,” Hay returns. And it’s all just good-natured teasing, girls amongst girls. Something your introverted self never had as a kid, never grew into during school.

You fiddle with your stylus as the two of them joke around, suddenly aware that you’re not really part of this bubble of laughter and happiness. And you never have been.

Someone's foot taps you under the table and you look up. Lori smiles at you.

You smile back.

You're partners, after all.

You're not alone.

---

There's a couple of downsides to having Lori as a partner. For one, she holds a few leadership positions that take up quite a bit of her already limited time. This occasionally means she’s suddenly forced to back out on study sessions in order to deal with issues (she uses a few more curse words than you personally would to describe said issues, but you understand).

In addition to being heavily involved with mil stuff, she’s also been romantically involved with more than a few people on either side of Unity. Word gets around pretty quickly that you’re the newest subject of her affections-- which you’re not, of course, you’re project partners and you really wonder how the gossip mill has managed to disregard that glaringly important fact. Still, her admirers and/or exes make their displeasure with your continued existence known. This is mostly by giving you dirty looks, but occasionally they try to start things with you.

You find yourself getting a lot of practice with being diplomatic lately.

One afternoon you’ve decided to study in the library during your free time. You’ve just set down your things when someone sits across from you. She’s a second-year suppie, and you’re pretty sure she’s not in your dorm or any of your classes, so you wonder why she’s here.

“Excuse me,” she says curtly.

“Yes?”

“I just hope you know what you're getting into.” Dark eyes glitter against her olive skin and you feel the dread of yet another unpleasant social interaction settle in the pit of your stomach.

“...Excuse me?”

She sighs loudly. “Look. I know you’re getting all buddy-buddy with Lorina. If you take it any further, it’s not going to go well for you.”

“We're not--” you find yourself struggling for words suddenly, “We're just colab partners-- I don’t even know you.”

Another sigh, more disgusted than the last, and she stretches out a hand. “Tereza Unde, I’m a second-year comm major. We had a composition class together first term last year.”

“Oh. Okay.” You hesitate, but take her hand anyway. “Aurora Delenz, bio and relations double major. Nice to meet you,” you add. It sounds more like a question than it should, but you’re actually kind of unsure whether this interaction is even a good thing.

“Nice to meet you too. I’m just trying to watch out for you,” she adds, and somehow you don’t quite believe her.

“I can handle my personal matters myself,” you say firmly.

“Not with her, you can’t. Trust me. She’ll sweep you off your feet and leave you with nothing. She doesn’t actually care about you as much as you think, ever.” There’s painful resentment in her words. You don’t know anything about the situation, and you’re not sure you want to know-- mostly because you have an assignment due tonight and don't exactly have the time to listen to a complete stranger rant about her ex.

“As long as she cares about me enough to not fail the both of us, I’m happy. We’re just project partners, and that’s not going to change.”

She scoffs, sliding her chair back. “Yeah. Right. Don’t say I didn't warn you, Delenz.”

There’s a good half dozen things you want to say to her as she walks off, but you hold your tongue. No point in starting a fight.

No point in relying on her words alone, either.

---

-Do you have time to meet up right now?

-Yes, I was actually about to ask you.

-I’m in the library, usual spot

-Be there in a bit

A few minutes later she comes in, coffee in hand, glancing around the room. Her eyes light up when she spots you, and you smile.

“Have you started on the assignment yet?” she asks as she sits down.

You sigh. “Not really... I have a quiz tomorrow for another class, so I’m looking through those notes right now.” Or at least, I was trying to...

“That’s fine. I’m sort of putting it off too, this one looks like it’ll be rough.”

“Yeah.”

Silence falls. It’s a cozy silence, filled with the murmur of your fellow students around you and the smell of hot coffee. You breathe it in for a moment.

“So… I met a friend of yours named Tereza earlier,” you mention casually as you flick through your notes.

Lori’s eyebrows go all the way up as she sips her coffee. She clears her throat before she says, “Oh. How is she?”

Your fingers go still. “...to be honest, she seemed… kind of bitter.”

She sighs quietly. “That would be her.” She stares into her cup. “I don’t want to really get into it, but… I did mess up. But I apologized, and I tried to fix it… She’d rather stay bitter.”

“I figured.”

She shrugs. “Dating scene’s rough here anyway.”

You can tell she’s trying to change the subject, and you decide you’d rather just play along. “How else would it be, with a bunch of older teens and twenty-somethings stuck on a ship for ages?”

She shakes her head with a humorless smile. “Half of the issues I deal with involve the fact that most of the people in my unit have slept with each other and it's stupid.” She rips into a packet of crackers. “At least date outside,” she says between bites, “It's not that hard.”

“I guess,” you say with a shrug. She turns the package toward you and you take one, trying to eat at least a little more gracefully.

She looks at you pensively as she chews, then swallows. “You… never have really dated around, have you?”

“No,” you admit. Why do you feel so shy about it? “I never had the time, especially during secondary.” You snap a cracker in half. “Besides, my parents…”

“Oh, I forgot about Tusies and their arranged marriages. Up here, most of them ignore those arrangements; after all, who needs to know, right? We’re all going back eventually anyway, or something.” She looks down at her coffee. “Is he… nice, at least?”

Thinking of him for honestly the first time in months because the boy can’t be bothered to even write you, you can’t help but make a face. “He’s boring. It’s not like he's mean, or even really scummy or anything, but he’s not doing anything with his life, so I’m pretty sure my parents are going to break it off for me next time I go home.”

She snorts. “How convenient.”

“I guess?” You shrug uncomfortably. “It’s not exactly convenient, there’s paperwork and awkward fancy dinners involved. Plus it’ll just be awkward after I graduate since I’ll inevitably run into him everywhere. Ugh.”

She laughs. “I’m sorry, but I just don’t see how you can get a functioning society out of that mess,” she says, shaking her head.

You mimic a snooty old-fashioned voice as you say, “Genetic compatibility coupled with economic and political advancement…” Lori laughs again, and you shrug. “It was supposed to yield the ideal society back in the Separation Times, but now that the colonies are back in contact and population size has stabilized, it’s mostly done for political reasons.”

“And you…” she frowns. “Damn. I’m sorry your parents put you through that, like…”

“Making me a pawn? It’s not like that. It was more of a genetic match in my case. His family would actually get the better end of the deal, mine just wanted the lowest possible chance of recessive diseases. You know how it is.”

She makes a face. “Mm. Yeah, okay.”

You can tell she doesn’t really accept that, but it’s nothing you can change. She sips her coffee in silence, and you pick at a hangnail on your index finger, wincing at the pop of pain and blood when you pull too hard. You notice her watching as you put your finger in your mouth and you raise an eyebrow at her. She shakes her head at you with a small smile.

A question comes to mind by the time you've stopped bleeding. “Excuse me if it's a rude question, but don’t your people have a polyamorous family arrangement?”

Lori shrugs. “Eh… not… exactly? There’s two genetic parents, obviously, but a marriage is between three people,” she says as she draws a triangle in the air with her finger, lingering at the third vertex. “The third is a caretaker and mediator, and can be a parent outside the relationship, but is a part of both households, so usually extended families just live close together.” She retraces one imaginary line, drawing an adjoining triangle as she goes on. “My mimi-- our family’s third--took my dad as her third, so our immediate family is very small, but I was still never lonely growing up. Cousins, and all that.” She laughs. “So many cousins.”

“Sounds nice…” You look down at the painful mess you’ve made of your cuticles. “My parents were an arranged marriage. They were the children of politicians from formerly competing political factions, different bloodlines, a good match all around.” She nods slowly, but you can sense that it’ll take a while for her to warm up to the idea, if ever. “My mom’s side was mostly Workers, and my dad's was more part of the Old Earth elite, so my parents were sort of the face of this new, centralized vision for humanity. Basically, they traveled a lot trying to promote intercolonial policy, and still do. So…” Your mangled finger throbs, and you bite your lip. “I was almost always alone when I was growing up. Our house was programmed well, though, so I wasn’t raised too badly,” you add, purposely over-cheery.

She laughs and shakes her head. Even though you were trying to make light of it, that kind of hurts.

“What?” You ask, trying not to let it show.

“No, not too bad at all. You're okay.” She smiles fondly at you. “You don’t have to feel lonely anymore.”

“I don’t, not with you,” you say truthfully. Then you realize how that sounds and add hurriedly, “W-with you, and Hay and Manda. It’s nice.”

There’s something strange in her expression now, but you don’t understand it.

“It is,” she says simply.

But why does it all feel so complicated?

Her airscreen goes off and she checks the notification and groans. “I need to go work out. Wanna come?” She asks with a smirk, already knowing your answer.

“Nope,” you say emphatically. “Look, look, I’m injured.” You pout, showing her your finger. She takes your hand and you freeze up, but she’s warm and gentle, even though she’s only doing it to play along.

“That looks serious,” she says gravely, with barely contained mirth in her eyes. “Ice it and go lie down, but that’s no excuse to skip class tomorrow.”

You scoff and withdraw your hand, mock-offended. “Like I ever would.” And honestly, with her sitting beside you every day, you wouldn’t.

First•Previous•Next

[justatiredghost]

Wakeup Call Chapter 1

So I accidentally started shipping my oc with Harry Carlyle. I wrote a bit of them first meeting at the beginning of the game. Rich is a disaster and has a crush immediately. Read More AO3

Doctor Richard Galen had never been a morning person. Even after over 600 years of sleep he still felt like death when they pulled him out of cryo, the world a blurry haze, and there was nothing on his mind except coffee. Well, he would have liked something a bit stronger, but that would have to wait; he'd be going on the clock soon. He knew the symptoms of extended cryo and what to look out for, but it was standard protocol to have another doctor check him out, so Rich just sat there at the edge of one of the beds, drinking coffee as he answered the other doctor’s questions automatically. 

He was on cup number three when he was finally left alone to recover after his checkup and, slowly but surely, the world was coming back into proper focus. It was strange to think that they were no longer in the Milky Way, far from anything familiar. Sure, this is exactly what he had wanted, but it was still hard to get his mind around. Deep thinking wasn’t exactly his strong suit, however, so he decided to focus on his surroundings instead.

There were only a handful of people milling about, mostly doctors Rich had met before cryo. There was a big monitor on the far wall cycling through images, one even of a tropical landscape intended to depict one of the possible places humanity might be able to settle in Andromeda. Rich couldn’t help but scoff. It was all bullshit, of course. There was no way to predict what would truly await them here and Rich doubted they’d be that lucky. The only purpose the image really served was enticing people to join and keeping spirits up. Rich took another generous sip of coffee burning his mouth a little but he didn’t particularly care.

“Better take it easy,” another doctor said as he walked passed, heading to the coffee pot located conveniently next to Rich’s bed. “There’s going to be quite the line to the bathrooms here pretty soon once we start waking more people up.”

Rich’s mind was too sluggish at the moment to really respond, but he drained his cup anyway as he searched his memory for the man’s name. Harry Carlyle? That sounded right. They hadn’t really had a chance to talk before they left. He held his empty cup out and the doctor laughed. Once he’d finished filling his own cup, he filled Rich’s as well and headed back to his patient.

Rich only had a few minute left before he needed to get back to work so this time he tried to actually enjoy his last cup of coffee. At least the irritableness was beginning to subside. A little, anyway. His default was still generally grumpy. He looked around the room again, paying attention to where the different supplies were kept as well as watched the people, noting his new colleagues.

Somehow he kept finding his gaze pulled back to Carlyle though. The first thing Rich noticed about him was how soft he was, especially with his patients. Well, that wasn’t true, the first thing Rich noticed was how attractive he was, but he was trying not to acknowledge that. Carlyle had a gentle way of teasing people to make them feel more at ease, yet there was also a slight sharpness and wit there in the way that he occasionally pushed a joke just a little too far, his deadpan delivery making him difficult to read in a way that Rich greatly appreciated.

Rich caught himself staring at Carlyle’s jawline and forced himself to look back down at his mug. What was he doing? He’d only been awake for a few minutes and he was already crushing on one of his coworkers. Not exactly the best way to start his new life here. He had too many other things he needed to be focusing on right now. He should really get to his station and prepare for his first patient. He set his mug aside and stood up gingerly, trying not to groan at the stiffness in his muscles. He was definitely too old to make anymore 600 year journeys across space so this trip had better have been worth it. For good or ill, he was stuck with this life now.

The loud crash and the sudden loss of gravity definitely took Rich by surprise. He flailed about more than he’d like to admit and narrowly avoided hitting his head when the system was reset and gravity returned. He groaned, sore and bruised from the hard landing, something popping unpleasantly and he stood. At least his patient seemed fine. Rich scanned the room, but there seemed to be minimal injuries. Although he couldn’t help but notice the grin Doctor Carlyle shot him before he got back to work.

Hopefully that wasn’t going to be a regular occurrence. He didn’t exactly want to spend his days making a fool of himself and coming away with more bruises. Lots of people were asking what had happened, but Rich just doubled down, focusing on his work and making sure his patients were doing fine. He knew how the military operated; they wouldn't be getting any proper information for a while. The next time he managed to get a break, he went straight for the coffee pot unable to resist another cup. He’d only taken one sip when a voice behind him took him by surprise.

“Looks like you got a few flips in back there,” Carlyle said and Rich was just glad he didn’t choke on the coffee.

“I hope you enjoyed it because there will not be a repeat performance,” Rich said, stepping out of the way so Carlyle could get at the coffee pot as well. “I'm getting too old for stunts like that.”

“It was very impressive,” Carlyle said, chuckling. “I hope you didn’t hit the ground too hard.”

Rich couldn’t help but get distracted by how pleasant it sounded. He had a gentle voice, deep and calming, one you couldn’t help but trust and Rich felt a pleasant warmth in his chest at the sound. Stop it, he told himself. Focus. I came here to work, flirting isn’t going to help, it’ll just bring more disappointment and heartache.

“My old bones will definitely be feeling it for a while,” Rich said, thankful he wasn’t prone to blushing. “So, any idea what the plan is for the rest of the day? It doesn’t sound like we have too many more sleepers to wake up.”

“I don't know about you but I'm going planetside shortly,” Carlyle said, flashing him a smile.

“Ah, part of the Pathfinder team, then? I didn’t realize I was in the presence of such an important person.”

“I’m really not,” Carlyle said, laughing again. “I’m just there in case someone stubs their toe.”

“Well, while you’re out there having fun, we’ll be here doing all the real work. Just do us all a favor and make sure they don’t set up shop in a swamp or something. Not exactly the best place for an outpost.”

“Make sure they set up in a swamp, got it,” Carlyle said with another smile as he set his empty cup down and headed for the exit with a friendly wave.

Rich watched him go, hoping he and the others would all make it back in one piece. But then, when did these sorts of things every go smoothly?

It was late as Rich made his way down the corridor, although you couldn’t exactly tell from the lights. They were always kept bright, simulating sunlight for those working opposite shifts, but it definitely confused one’s internal clock. He was exhausted, though, and he would be sleeping except he’d left his jacket in the med bay. Maybe his memory was going. Either way, he was sure he’d forget it entirely if he didn’t grab it now so sleep would have to wait.

As the doors to the med bay hissed open, he was surprised to see Carlyle there apparently deep in thought. He looked surprised at being interrupted and rubbed at his face quickly, either trying to get himself to return to reality or compose himself. Not exactly a good sign.

“Didn't expect to see you back so soon,” Rich said lightly, pretending not to notice as he went to retrieve his jacket, giving him a bit more privacy if he needed it.

“Yes, well, I guess out here things never quite go as planned,” Carlyle said distractedly.

“Things went that well, did they?” he asked sarcastically.

“Habitat 7 isn't going to be our new home if that's what you mean.”

“Well, I’m sure you’ll find us some place better,” Rich said. He stood awkwardly, not sure if he should leave, but Carlyle spoke before he could decide.

“Someone else will be doing that. I’m too old for all this. I’m not sure when that happened but I guess it’s better I realize is now. A lot went down out there. We lost a lot of  good people. There are better hands than mine they should be relying on.”

“I seriously doubt that,” Rich said automatically. He wasn’t exactly one for this type of encouragement, but somehow he couldn’t help himself. Besides, he’d read all the other doctors’ qualifications before joining up and his was definitely the most impressive so hopefully this wasn’t all sentimentality. “If I ever stub my toe, I’d rather you be the one to patch me up. Still, if you think it’s best. I know I’ve been too old for all that excitement for a long while now.”

“I’m pretty sure I’m older than you,” Carlyle said with the hint of a smile and that made Rich more relieved than it should have.

“Not by much You wanna talk about what happened out there?”

“I suppose you’ll be hearing about it soon enough,” Carlyle said with a sigh. “The Pathfinder is dead.”

Ah. The words fell from Carlyle as if he had been trying to hold it back but couldn’t any longer. They sat heavily in the air and Rich new the implication was that Carlyle hadn’t been able to save him. They were both doctors, they knew they couldn’t blame themselves for every death if they wanted to last for any length of time in this job and they were both old enough to have gotten used to it all, but Rich had gotten the impression that he and the Pathfinder hand been friends. That always made things more difficult.

Rich wasn't exactly sure how to respond to that. He wasn't any good at this stuff. He supposed a ‘that's rough, buddy,’ wouldn't exactly help the situation and any reassurances would just sound insincere. They both knew it wasn’t technically his fault but that wouldn't stop him from beating himself up over it. Awkward silence wasn’t going to help either though and he wanted to do something to help. Too bad his style of coping wasn’t exactly healthy. Still, worth a shot.

“I brought some whisky here, pretty much the only thing in my personal effects,” he said instead. “Soon there won’t be any left in Andromeda. Care to share a bottle or two?”

“Well. I can’t exactly turn an offer like that down, now can I?”

[my-mystic-messenger]

Hey there !! Can you elaborate a little on why you think Jumin is emotionally constipated?? Thank you in advance :D

I sure can, my dearfriend. 

As you see, by definition being emotionally constipated meansnot being able to handle and/or process emotion. It doesn’t mean thatyou lack emotion, or that your emotional range is in any way limited.Jumin isn’t emotionless, he just has a very hard time understandinghis emotions. In fact, sometimes I feel like people who areemotionally constipated are as much, because once in their life theymight have felt too much, incapable of handling and thereforsuppressing said emotions. I feel like that might be the case withJumin.

So, let’s have a look atwhat could have caused such constipation:

His birthmother

Itis made obvious, on multiple occasions in the game, that Jumin’sbirth mother was divorced by his father early on and seems to be outof the picture. She is never mentioned and his step-mother is the onehe refers to as ‘mother’, which indicates that he doesn’t share arelationship to his biological mother. Such things are often hard onchildren, especially if my assumptions are true and the woman decidedto abandon Jumin and her father. I cannot imagine Chairman Hanrefusing to let his son see his mother, nor that Jumin – especiallyat such a young age – would not want to see her. Being abandoned bya parent can leave deep wounds in any human being, let alone avulnerable child. 

His step-mother

After being abandoned byone of the most important females in anyones life to have herreplaced with this particular step mother did Jumin no good. Not onlyis she an obvious gold digger to the point that even a child would beable to notice, from the interactions he has with her it’s obviousthat he doesn’t feel connected to her at all. She is nothing but aburden he tries to avoid at all costs. On top of that it is heavilyimplied that she has been sexually harassing him for quite some time,as he barely even reacts to her advances in the visual novel, almostlike he’s gotten used to them by now. So, the second female and corerole model of his life turns out to be a disappointment and failureas well. Once more, something that leaves a child rather empty andlost.

His father

Now while Jumin has a reportedly greatrelationship to his father, that might actually be a big reason as towhy he is the way he is. For one, without a second parent to 'fixate’on, Jumin had to give all his attention to his father. The father hefirst and foremost got to know as a huge businessman. While they doexchange gifts and nice gestures, that is hardly something you wouldcall a healthy, let alone warm relationship. Anyone can spend moneyon a gift for you, but you will feel none the richer for it in theemotional department. So not only did his father lack a certainemotional bond to his son, Jumin also had to watch him have a stringof empty flings. That could have negative consequences for multiplereasons other than the obvious. Seeing someone he looks up to somuch, as a father and a rational businessman, give away love tofreely to meaningless women, losing all his rationality must havehurt in many ways.

Upbringing

His upbringing, in myopinion, plays a big role in this as well. For one he learned earlyon that all the praise he got was empty and thereby worthless. As ayoung, impressionable child you rely heavily on what people aroundyou tell you. What your surroundings encourage or discourage you todo can change the paths you take in life rather heavily. It certainlydid for Jumin. Not being properly praised, which in his mind probablyequated to not being praised at all, made him develop an unhealthyperfectionism. With him it’s either 0% or 100% with nothing inbetween. Seeing the world like that though, black and white whileignoring all these shades of grey, generally speaking has negativeaspects on emotions, as they rarely fit into such simple categories.

Life in the public eye

I think this one might notbe something a lot of people would take into consideration, but fromthe moment Jumin was born his entire life was spent mostly in thepublic eye. He seems to be one step short of being a full blown idolwith people constantly throwing themselves at him. As an adult thatis already restricting and tiring, but growing up that way must havehad an impact. You learn early on to control yourself at all costs,seeing as any misstep could be broadcasted for the entire world towatch. For someone who is responsible for an entire company likeJumin, he simply cannot afford any mishaps. So, to prevent suchthings from happening, once more he is forced to conceal his feelingsand thoughts in order to remain diplomatic and flawless.

Rika

I mean whodid this bitch not fuck over, seriously? The only friend Jumin everhad was V and the second she stepped into the picture that friend waslost to him. Now some people might think that hey, just because youhave a relationship you don’t just forget your friends and you areright. For most people that is the case. However, Rika, V and Juminaren’t your usual relationship type of people. For one V iscompletely obsessed with Rika to the point of unhealthy. He iscompletely dedicated to her, willing to blind himself and thereforruin the one thing that brought him joy (and money) forever, just toprove his love. I think it is safe to assume that he would be one ofthose people to say no to a friend in order to say yes to a lover,namely Rika. So, not only did Rika take Jumin’s best and only friend,but she also took the last bit of heart Jumin had left. She seducedhim in a way he hadn’t yet encountered and didn’t understand untilmany years later – which we see in his route – and V helped herdo so. Rika wanted Jumin for his money to make her dream of Mint Eyecome true and not only did V not stop her, but he enabled her. Shetoyed with Jumin’s emotions and when he didn’t deliver the way shewanted to she brushed him off and Elizabeth the 3rdstepped in, all his love and obsessions 'wasted’ on a cat.

Misunderstood

Thisis my last point and it is an important one: Jumin is always andconstantly misunderstood and mistreated. In the chat no one reallyseems to be on his side, ever. Yoosung and Seven arebuds, Jaehee always sides with Zen in dissing Jumin while he himselfis all alone. Not only that, but all his attempts to fit in areconstantly blocked off. Having grown up with no other childrenaround, other than V, in a very posh and rich neighbourhood, morefocused on pleasing his father and meeting his expectations thanteenage lingo, Jumin has no understanding of things the others wouldconsider normal. They often tease him for it, making fun of him andonly pushing him further towards emotional isolation. However, whenhe actually attempts to understand they think he is making fun ofthem and quickly shut him down. They also feed into a lot of rumoursamongst others teasing him about being gay – which he obviouslyisn’t but the press made up to get some sort of dirt on his otherwisewhite coat – only making him feel the more isolated. His loveinterest is dead, his best friend abandoned him and the rest of his'friend’ hate and belittle him. Who would not attempt to shut theiremotions off? Well, sadly turning emotions off isn’t possible, butredirecting them is, no matter how unhealthy. Enter Elizabeth the3rd.

Now how does his emotionalconstipation show:

Mainly through hisobsession with Elizabeth the 3rd, his overly fatherlybehaviour towards the RFA and of course the intense love for MC inhis route. All the emotions he doesn’t dare express with anyone elsehe focuses on the only living being that has never fucked him over:the cat. Despite everyone being hella rude and mean to Jumin hestills acts like a father figure to everyone, trying to make up whathis father fucked up with him, or at least attempting to. He sendsYoosungs parents to see him, because he thinks Yoosung is lonely, notreally understanding that he might not like such invasion at all. Hesends bodyguards to everyone to protect them. He offers Zen jobs tohelp him and gives Jaehee a lot of hours to make her earn a lot ofmoney as he was taught that money was the most valuable thing in theworld. As for MC, that one is actually quite understandable. He onlyever loved one woman and that woman ended up failing him as wellbefore dying. Now he finally meets someone that not only he is drawnto, but who understands him, who sees his attempts at being a goodperson as such, who laughs at his jokes, who defends him in a groupconsisting of pairs where he’d been all alone and never even attemptsto go after his wealth, gradually erasing the negative image of womenthat had been created in his mind. After years and years ofsuppressing his emotions, of course he 'lashes out’ on MC the way hedoes. It’s like she breaks a dam inside of him and then gets a littledrowned by the wave of emotion before he learns to control it. 

Inconclusion: Jumin is a very emotional person, but doesn’t know how toexpress himself correctly and often misunderstands certain emotionsin others as well as himself. He denies himself emotion which makesthem come out in sometimes negative ways. All this poor boy needs isa loving and very patient girlfriend.

[ges-sa]

Pirates of the Caribbean: Salazar's Revenge Review

New Post has been published on http://ges-sa.com/pirates-of-the-caribbean-salazars-revenge-review/

Pirates of the Caribbean: Salazar's Revenge Review

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_gallery type=”image_grid” images=”25530,25531,25529,25525,25526,25522,25523,25520,25519,25528,25521,25527″][vc_column_text]Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate’s life for me! Batten down the hatches, weight anchor and hoist the mizzen! ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ sails back into cinemas after a 6 year absence (can anyone believe it’s been that long?) for a fifth instalment, with as much gusto and moxie as ever. ‘Pirates of the Caribbean: Salazar’s Revenge’ (or ‘Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales’ as it’s titled in the U.S.) gives us yet another adventure from Captain Jack Sparrow, hearkening back to some of the best and not as great parts of the franchise along the way.

Thrust into an all-new adventure, a down-on-his-luck Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) feels the winds of ill-fortune blowing even more strongly when deadly ghost sailors led by his old nemesis, the evil Captain Salazar (Javier Bardem), escape from the Devil’s Triangle. Jack’s only hope of survival lies in seeking out the legendary Trident of Poseidon, but to find it, he must forge an uneasy alliance with a brilliant and beautiful astronomer and a headstrong young man in the British navy.

  If you’re at all familiar with any of the other movies in the ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ franchise, particularly the later entries, you already have an idea of what to expect. This film doesn’t deviate much from the tried and true formula they’ve set along the way, despite two new directors in the form of Joachim Rǿnning and Espen Sandberg. Set many years after the previous entries, our familiar characters look much older but are still as spry as ever. There’s plenty of heart racing and fast paced action with a touch of humour throughout the film as we’ve come to expect, which is always thrilling to watch even it stretches plausibility at times.

This film is an entertaining mixed bag for sure. We return to Caribbean setting – this time in St. Martin – which doesn’t look all that different from Port Royal or any of the other towns we’ve seen, there’s plenty of inventive action that feels right at home with the rest of the franchise, no shortage of humour from Jack Sparrow primarily, plenty of different parties chasing after the mystical MacGuffin despite some of them ultimately not even needing to be in the chase and one could make the argument some of those groups not needing to be in the film at all. The plot is a slightly different twist on what we’ve seen, but yet despite some differences in the details, feels all too familiar. A dead ghost crew which harkens back to ‘Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl’ seems like a nice call back to the original movie, but yet feels like a retread at the same time. The humour we get throughout mostly lands, despite some misses as well, although it’s tough to deduce if the franchise itself is being pulled down by relying on it so heavily, especially when the overwhelming majority comes from Jack Sparrow. The charming and enigmatic pirate, with an over inflated sense of self importance, who seemed like a fool with deceptive cunning lurking beneath the surface, now seems like a total fool played for laughs and who lucks his way through situations either with help or purely by accident. It seems like a disservice to Captain Jack Sparrow, which they can hopefully try correct in future films, although audiences have also come to expect that from the character and do many want Disney to change?

Johnny Depp leads a great cast, reprising the role that he has both defined and in turn has come to define him, as Captain Jack Sparrow. Johnny Depp hardly disappoints and gives us what we’ve come to expect from him. He could practically sleepwalk his way through this role at this point. As seen in the trailer, we get a moment of a much younger Johnny Deep (much like Disney subsidiary Marvel Studios have done with Robert Downey Jr, Michael Douglas, Kurt Russell and others) by way of  flashback that looks like it was plucked out of vault from twenty years ago. It really is a sight to behold. Despite the great cast and other characters driving the story, the movie is really Jack Sparrow’s from start to finish. Javier Bardem turns in another good performance as the ghostly and dead Captain Salazar. Bardem brings the right level of menace and presence to the role and the mood changes whenever he appears onscreen. This always goes down well when creating a villain and threat in these films; and the effects on his face, hair and crew are not bad either.  Perhaps the best actor of this whole movie is the returning Geoffry Rush who arguably steals the show as rival turned ally: Captain Hector Barbossa. Proving to be an actor of distinction, Rush slips back into the role of Barbossa as easily as slipping into a familiar pair of shoes, and is as capable as ever playing a pirate as he is Albert Einstein. While he and his character are much older in this film, he is still having as much fun as ever and plays Barbossa to the hilt, stealing scenes and arguably gets the most character work and development. Benton Thwaites and Kaya Scodelario are fine in their roles as new characters to the franchise but don’t have the presence or the seasoning as the above mentioned cast, and rounding out the cast Kevin McNally who does fine work again as First Mate Joshamee Gibbs. Keep an eye out for some familiar cameos too.

I would feel I’m neglecting my duty if I didn’t take a moment to mention the great scoring of Klaus Badelt. Taking over from mentor Hans Zimmer who composed the previous ‘Pirate of the Caribbean’ film, Klaus Badelt delivers a great score that delivers all the classic musical themes and cue you have come to love in the franchise. If one didn’t take note of the credits, it would be hard to ever notice the difference. If you’re fan of film scores this one will be a treat and you’ll get a great sampling if you stay through the credits as well.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hgeu5rhoxxY

‘Pirates of the Caribbean: Salazar’s Revenge’ truly is a mixed bag. A fun and entertaining one to be sure, but mixed all the same. There’s plenty to of good acting, action and humour to keep us entertained, but also a lot of familiar beats and elements that could make some wonder why Disney needed to make another one. This one will likely come down to how much of a fan you are of the ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ movies, but I’d say as much as it it doesn’t break new ground and one can nitpick about the creative decisions along the way, this is a film that will entertain fans of the franchise and anyone looking to enjoy a film on the big screen. Kids will love the characters and jokes, action junkies will get their fix, there’s some romance and familial relationships to keep female viewers happy and most will surely be satisfied one way or another when the credits roll, thus making it a fun family outing. There’s an extra post-credit scene for those dedicated enough to sit through the credits that may or may not hint at the future of the franchise so be mindful of that before entering Ster-Kinekor or Nu-Metro cinemas this weekend. Drink up me hearties, yo ho![/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column width=”1/2″][vc_column_text]

Additional Information

[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]Reviewed on: Cinema 3D Available on: Cinema 2D, Cinema 3D, IMAX 3D, 4DX Genre: Action, Adventure Age Rating: 13 Estimated RRP: R50 – R175 Release Date: 26 May 2017[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][vc_column width=”1/2″][vc_column_text]

Likes

Inventive and fast paced action

Casting

Jack Sparrow and Barbossa

Deaging CGI

Dislikes

Too familiar?

Dumbing down Captain Jack?

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[amateurfan227]

Trailer Talk Review - IT and Justice League

Hey guys, I’m back with another review on 2 separate movies this time, The reboot (or remake in this case) of Stephen King’s miniseries based on the novel, IT as well as DC’s recent trailer for the upcoming Justice League which does look promising though it has some flaws.

I’ll start with IT first as I will dive into Justice League more openly, So Pennywise is back with a new movie, I saw the trailer and I have to admit, it does look creepy like the book’s feelings but it doesn’t have the same scares as the book or the miniseries contain; for making a movie based on a book which is over 1000 pages long is going to be quite difficult, I mean Peter Jackson did make a trilogy of Lord of the Rings which is technically six books.

I think it’s both a good and a bad idea, I’ll go with the negatives first, the book is more focused on Fear which is what the creature IT resembles, as well as the child protagonists returning back in the future when they are more older and more wiser to fight the creature off for good. The novel also seems to fit into some horrific imagery as well such as Homosexuality is frequently mentioned as well as Derry’s background history is mentioned towards Pennywise.

However seeing that all the things mentioned above are frequently mentioned in the book, I wonder on how this will be mentioned in the film, another note to add on the trailer is that in the book, there was a bully who tormented the children who went to the same school as them, who also encountered Pennywise who would become a secondary antagonist for the heroes.

I would also like to add on how in the book, it mainly revolved around the adults who were suffering from major flashbacks which would explain why they were afraid of it, mainly towards Billy as he feels more responsible on getting his brother killed, this too is mentioned in the book as he’s a lot more aggressive against Pennywise.

I dislike the fact that they refuse to show Pennywise as he was more of a fearful essence rather than a standard figure in the miniseries as well as the book; that would include the balloons as they would resemble his abilities aside from his appearance. Though the saying, ‘less means more’ is a huge negative when it comes to the trailer.

Another thing that brought to my attention is that in the first few chapters, Mike (apologies for racial stereotyping, the black kid) now grown up is researching a series of child deaths which closely resemble It’s return which is a huge motivation to call the older kids back to finish it off, however in the trailer this is never mentioned, only missing persons posters.

The main concern is making it into one movie as it should be panned out better into 2 movies like the miniseries which got it completely right, though the miniseries had some flaws; I think that the movie however would suffer the most consequences when it comes to adapting it straight from the novel.

The positive notes however is that the appearance on Pennywise looks more deceiving than Tim Curry’s performance as the killer clown, mainly because he sticks more to the shadows than Curry did when he was out more in the open, this would raise a bunch of questions though when it comes to displaying Pennywise’s abilities of fear manipulation mainly shape-shifting into other people as he did in the miniseries.

Though the movie does look interesting, I’m going to have to watch another trailer to give my final thought, now for the next trailer which is Justice League which is going to trigger a few people off who hate Man of Steel as well as Batman Vs Superman.

I’m going to put the elephant in the room first by stating that I love Man of Steel, it’s possible one of the closest adaptations to the Superman mythos especially when it comes to an origin story, though the movie is heavily flawed, it’s easier to see the movies logic to get past them.

A lot of people are stating that Superman is officially dead after watching this movie because he breaks his rule by stating ‘Superman killed Zod’ ‘What’s with Jonathon Kent giving him different advice’ ‘Why is Louis Lane so important in this film’ ‘Why was Superman so important to Zod’.

I can see the negatives in those questions but I see more positives that were answered by the movie’s logic, to answer the first question on him killing Zod, which are a few statements I like to mention first.

There was a reason why this movie was called Man of Steel, meaning that Kal-El is not Superman yet, he’s still learning his abilities as well as his heritage which leads up to the name Man of Steel; The reason why he killed off Zod is that Kal-El destroyed the remaining Kryptonian technology as well as the people who were the last survivors of the planet which gave Zod a motive in stating that he will either kill everyone on the Planet.

Leading Kal-El to kill him to save the rest of humanity, another thing that got my attention is that everyone hated him for killing of the last Kryptonian; may I just remind you that he killed Zod in a noble fashion rather than in the second movie in 1980 where he removed all of Zod’s abilities rendering him mortal leading him to break his hand only to throw him into an eternal pit, only to smirk off after it.

The other question is relating to Jonathon Kent on giving Clark different advice, I only managed to trace a few answers to this occurrence including his fatal death, I believe that he was testing his son at the very beginning shortly after suggesting to let a bunch of kids die such as he wasn’t meant for this world.

It also includes later on which lead to them both having an argument on how Clark should act when he’s older which lead to the ultimate test, letting Jonathon die into leading Kal-El’s persona as Clark as an average person to avoid attention, which is pretty hard-hitting. Though the answers I made are misleading but put your-self in his shoes.

The Louis Lane one for me is pretty misleading though it does show something that we’ve not seen in any Superman Movie, Louis Lane doing actual research when it comes to investigating journalism, this is possibly one of the best things I’ve seen her do aside from casting smug remarks and just being there as a damsel in distress.

Though why Zod requests her to be brought in is another thing as well as her being the one that Clark/Kal-El eventually fell for is entirely beyond me.

And now for the final question on why does Zod want Superman, seeing that he’s the most common villain towards Superman, a lot of people miss the fact that in the beginning of the movie Jor-El placed the remaining Codec into Kal-El’s body when he was young infant whom is the last natural birth on Krypton.

The Codec however was important to the Kryptonian army as it contains billions of years of Kryptonian DNA, which would grant Zod the ability to create a new army of Kryptonian hybrids of modified DNA. Which I believe most of the people viewing the film would mistake as the only reason why Zod wanted the Codec as it was the only secondary thing that was natural to Kryptonian history.

The trailer for Justice League... this is something I’m pretty confused by as well as invested, let’s get some of the negatives out of the way first, the ideas of making the heroes act more like teenagers was a bit of a bad situation which made it more deceitful to the material, mainly the new 52 which the franchise would be based on.

But I’m going to have put credit where it’s due by stating that it is an interesting looking trailer for a team superhero film rather than an independent hero movie, unlike the Avengers (who pretty much killed people through their independent movies), let’s get through some of the characters first, the first attention would go to Victor Stone himself aka Cyborg and boy Mr Snyder, you’ve made a pretty good choice on this one.

I hate to say it but this is pretty much from the comic, a random teenager who was badly injured leading his father to place him in a biological metallic suit which was created by one of the signature mother boxes that Darkseid was using, though I’ve not seen Ray Fisher in his broadway appearances, I’m pretty sure that he’ll do a good impression on Victor Stone.

Aquaman on the other hand was more of a running joke which I despised mostly because his powers were more closer to godlike level rather than just a man who can control water and fish, but now seeing Jason Momoa is playing the character which is given a huge bonus as he looked absolutely incredible in the trailer.

Don’t get me wrong, Momoa is seen as a bad-ass actor in different shows like Stargate but most notably in Game of Thrones where he relies on brute strength when it comes to his character but seeing him in this would be the definition of both strength in physical form as well as diplomatic form depending on which route they go with his character.

The Flash on the other hand is way different from the novel as he’s more of a science fan rather than a colleague with the CCPD (Central City) but seeing that the actor Ezra Miller who starred in We Need To Talk About Kevin, is an interesting choice but I’m not 100% sure that he will be the iconic scarlet speedster that most people will fall for.

Wonder Woman however is something that I’m expecting will possibly be the greatest out of the film as she was more independent in the New 52 as she would be more active towards her own missions which would allow the league to join her, such as going after Cheetah (whom was a former friend when she arrived in the U.S.A from Themyscira.

As well as Batman for example who I believe would show the same aggression towards the oncoming threats that would scour our world but though the trailer as he searches for the other heroes, it appears that he’s more able to find the truth on others aside from seeking Clark’s/Kal-El’s forgiveness for attacking him in the first place.

Though the trailer does look interesting in some parts such as the introduction of James Gordon as well as the landscapes that Bruce Wayne goes to find Aquaman as well as the visual effects of what’s to come towards the movie, though the main problem is the fact that it’s more based on being kid friendly which is something I do admire but at least make it less childish or less immature towards the future trailers.

There is another trailer talk review in development which will come shortly after this will be posted.

I would also like to post my sincere apologies that I’ve placed less reviews this year which is going to change very quickly.

[jasonseligson]

TV Redux: Girl Meets World, Fuller House, and 90s Nostalgia

It was Don Draper, beloved TV anti-hero, who famously taught us that nostalgia means “the pain of an old wound.” In one of the most memorable scenes in Mad Men,Draper shows us exactly why he’s a master advertising man: he knows just how to manipulate people, to speak to something deep inside them. “It’s a twinge in your heart,” he says, “far more powerful than memory alone.” Aside from being a TV moment for the ages, this scene gets at something profound—about the human condition and how we process stories. That ‘twinge’ that Don talks about provokes something in us, and, when it comes to television, it’s what makes nostalgia-driven storytelling so dicey.

There’s a fine line between feeling emotionally moved (like something that reminds us of our past) and feeling manipulated. We know it when we feel it. But with the recent onslaught of 90s TV revivals, this line is becoming blurred. I think it’s possible, albeit rare, for a TV show to tap into our emotional centers without truly manipulating them. Truly well-crafted sequels, reboots, and revivals should be able to stand on their own feet first before “earning” their use of nostalgia. For the purposes of this article, I’m going to stick to discussing two modern-day sequels of 90s shows: Girl Meets World and Fuller House.

In its pilot, and certainly its early episodes, Girl Meets World relies pretty heavily on 90s nostalgia. My sister and I, die-hard TGIF acolytes that we were/are, have no problem with this. Like countless others, our love of Boy Meets World was what brought us to check out its sequel in the first place. Who wouldn’t want to see Corey and Topanga as parents, or learn what became of Shawn Hunter? These were all good things to get excited about, and valid reasons to tune in. Even in its second season, the callbacks have continued: past alumni have made guest appearances, and past jokes and story lines have been continued and referenced throughout.

Girl Meets World didn’t have to try hard to get its old fans on board; it could have taken the easy way out. This was a new show with new characters, which meant that it also had to cater to a new generation. From its inception, Girl has had to service two different audiences, but the way it has gone about doing so has been extremely smart.

The first order of business was to get the audience to invest in its younger characters in addition to its older ones. And after two seasons, I can’t emphasize enough how beautifully this show has evolved. Even watching the show as an adult, I care deeply about these new characters and have been moved by their stories thus far. Girl still makes plenty of references Boy, but it’s found its own identity as well. Simply put, this is not the Corey and Shawn show anymore, and while that may be a somewhat sad truth, it’s also what has made the show so interesting. Girl Meets World is committed to telling the story of Riley, Maya, and their friends, and creatively, the show has taken the time and invested in their relationships so that the show has moved beyond a simple and arbitrary extension of its predecessor. The show is distinctly different from the one that came before it in that it tells a coming-of-age story from a female perspective, but its heart and humor are one and the same. Pure nostalgia without purpose or story only gets you so far; the show seems to be aware of that, and Girl Meets World continues to strike a nice balance with each episode. In short, it’s earned both its nostalgia and its place as a television sequel.

Nostalgia is a potent feeling, but it doesn’t have to be a painful one. When handled well, like I would argue, Girl Meets World does, writers and performers can capture nostalgia and explore what it means in complex ways. They can reach back in time, to go back to Don’s pitch, accessing the things fans hold close to their heart. They can allow you to feel something without assaulting you with it. Unfortunately, nostalgia can also be used as a cheap tactic, and when this happens, it’s hard not to feel cynical about the things we once loved. Wound or no wound, the connection nostalgia catalyzes in us is so powerful because they are drawing on our own memories—creating an invisible line between who we were and who we are. Think of the shows you loved when you were growing up. You loved them, in part, because of what they meant to you at a certain point in your life. Like Don says, “this device isn’t a spaceship, it’s a time machine.”

Let me preface this next paragraph by saying I am not the world’s biggest Full House fan. I’ve seen probably every episode as a kid with my sister, and I enjoyed it—but it has never been one of my pop culture touchstones, and it doesn’t mean anywhere near as much as Boy Meets World. That said, I’m not all that surprised behind Full House’s revival. I suppose the simplest executive and creative explanation for Fuller House’s existence boiled down to a question of “why not?” And sure, I guess that’s reason enough to get any band back together. To that end, it would also be unfair of me not to consider that for some people, Full House was a seminal show and its return was the greatest thing to ever happen (I don’t know these people, but I’m certain they exist somewhere). But after watching the entire first season, I don’t think the show does enough to earn its nostalgia, nor do I think it’s particularly good.

Whereas Girl Meets World peppers its references to the original series (there are usually one or two per episode unless it involves some special guest star), Fuller House comes out with the nods, references, and “jokes,” which are mostly catch-phrases, right out of the gate. During the pilot’s first four minutes, my sister turned to me and said “it almost feels like a staged play.” That’s exactly what it felt like. Every main character got a round of applause which stalled the dialogue. And the moment when the entire cast breaks the fourth wall with a line about Michelle (Mary Kate & Ashley Olsen) not being there is painful to watch. And it’s not like the dialogue was so great to begin with. It doesn’t matter to the Fuller House writers that realistically, its now grown (and in some cases, really grown-up) characters probably wouldn’t still be saying the same things they said as teenagers. From the get-go, Fuller House throws everything it has at the viewer, in a desperate attempt to make you remember everything, and feel something. But all of it (mostly) just didn’t work for me. It felt like pure fan-service, which is another consequence of playing with the fire that is nostalgia. it’s a throw-everything-against-the-wall-and-see-what-sticks approach.

Girl Meets World is not perfect—and nor for that matter, is Boy. Both have their fair share of cheesy, didactic moments. But I’ve always admired (and will continue to defend) both shows for their extraordinary merits. Creator Michael Jacobs’ is committed to not talk to down to kids, and to tell stories that not only resonate, but reflect their experiences. In Season 2, Girl Meets World had some exceptional episodes tackling Asperger’s, death and grief, religion, and social class. Ultimately, I found myself not caring about any of the kids on Fuller House. The brighter moments really came in seeing D.J., Stephanie, and Kimmy back on screen as adults, and watching them interact together. The kids, while cute, felt like generic sitcom kids. And you really can’t say the same about the teenagers on Girl Meets World.

To be fair, Fuller House is consistent with the DNA of Full House, and I suppose, technically, that makes it a proper sequel. But ultimately, Girl Meets World does a far better job at both honoring the legacy of what came before, and crafting new stories for the next generation. There’s not too much investment in the new characters and the old ones (John Stamos, Bob Saget, etc.) are barely present. Girl Meets World has found new and surprising ways to bring back old faces, and give them dynamic character arcs. But then again, Boy Meets World was always the deeper show. So maybe comparing Boy Meets World and Full house is like comparing apples to…I don’t know, tomatoes? They’re both fruits, and they both sprouted in the same general cultural zeitgeist, but they really don’t taste all that much alike (especially, the longer the shows go on).

When we talk about nostalgia, even if we’re sharing a happy memory, usually there’s a sadness associated with it. In a storytelling sense, nostalgia is just as powerful. When we watch television, we sometimes spend years with characters: we watch them grow up, and we grow up ourselves along with them. A show doesn’t have to be big or go for 10 seasons to have this affect; it just has to mean something to someone. And I have to admit: if nostalgia is the active ingredient here, I do feel there’s a kind of magic in watching Fuller House’s opening credits. I don’t just remember my sister and I sitting in our house around the TV, watching the original Full House; I remember us being those ages. And so, seeing the actresses grow up before our eyes got to me (I’m only human!).

Fuller House might not be a great show; it might mean the world to someone else: and that’s okay! The TV world is bigger and wider than ever before, and if there’s a home for a breezy binge-watch trip down memory lane for us millennials, it’s Netflix. Perhaps, in its second season, Fuller House will strive for something new and different, or at least deeper, or maybe it doesn’t have to. But now having finished its second season, Girl Meets World has made me a true fan. I’m excited to see where the next Boy Meets World tie-in comes in, but I also can’t wait to see these characters go next. It’s no longer nostalgia; it’s just excitement. And I think that is the mark of a true sequel’s success.