#we have the chance to do something AMAZING here so like rupaul says

[skinnyscottishbloke]

Trump literally said this tonight. At this point I don’t give a flying fuck how you feel about VP Harris, we all need to get up off our asses and vote to stave off fascism cause it’s fucking here. HE DOESN’T WANT US TO VOTE ANYMORE. EVER.

PS this doesn’t mean we can’t have fun organizing and canvassing for her, I just want us to stay laser focused and determined and know what we’re up against. One of the Kamala Harris for the People campaign slogans in 2019 was #joyfulwarrior and I just feel like that sums up her and us so well. So let’s fucking go WIN this thing and send orange shitler into hiding once and for all.

[tlcwrites]

Two Hearts Make a Whole

Prompt: “Kiss me again, like you mean it.” Photo prompt below.

Summary: NYC Pride is for celebration, and occasionally, long-overdue revelations.

Word Count: 2,001

Tags/Content warnings: Marvel. Stucky. If you have a problem with it, there's the door. SFW. Slight TFATWS spoilers so read at your own risk. Platonic Reader. Two idiots in love. Technically canon-divergent because I'm still in my everyone-is-alive-and-in-this-timeline happy place that I will never ever leave fuck you very much Russo brothers but not AU. Found family. All the feels. Complete and total LGBTQ+ support. Lots of bad language words because #me. Un-beta'd.

Author’s Note: Okay so yes this is technically 4 weeks late for @autumnleaves1991-blog's Writer Wednesday weekly challenge. BUT, it was incredibly important to me to finish this one before Pride month is over. Made it by the skin of my teeth.

Happy Pride, y’all. If you’re out, you’re amazing. If you’re closeted, you’re amazing. However you identify is valid and important. Trans folx are LGBTQ+. Bisexuals are LGBTQ+. Ace folx are LGBTQ+. Anyone who identifies or thinks they may be as queer is LGBTQ+. All are welcome in the family. You have the right to choose your pronouns and we have the responsibility to use them. Live whatever your truth looks like to you and love each other. Love is love is love is love. If your family doesn’t accept you for you, I’m your mom now and I’ve got mom hugs available on demand. Homophobes and TERFS can fuck off and roll in poison ivy. Always punch Nazis. Pride shouldn't be limited to the month of June. And don’t you dare forget that Black and Brown trans women were the ones who rioted at Stonewall, and we owe everything to their bravery. Don’t forget that much of popular ‘gay’ culture was appropriated from Black women. And for more facts about Pride that you should absolutely know, Rawiyah Tariq (@ mammyisdead on Instagram) has a phenomenally good overview.

“Oh my god.” You gasp loudly. "Oh my GOD. Is that-"

“What?!” Instantly in First Avenger Protective Mode™️, Steve surveys the crowd, wishing he had an actual shield instead of the screen printed one on his shirt. “What is it?”

You gasp again, smacking Sam’s arm repeatedly. “OHMYGOD IT IS HOLY FUCK.”

“First; ow.” Now-Cap rubs his bicep. “Second; clue in the class before Steve has an aneurysm, please.”

Vibrating with excitement doesn’t begin to describe your current state. “HER ROYAL HIGHNESS MISS LEMON MERINGUE IS STANDING RIGHT FUCKING THERE.”

With the finesse of a shampoo commercial, Bucky's dark locks fly as he whips around. “What?!”

“RIGHT THERE RIGHT THERE RIGHT THERE.” You abandon a relieved Sam and latch on to Bucky’s vibranium arm. “Oh my GOD I love her so fucking much.”

“She was robbed, absolutely fucking robbed,” he agrees, craning his neck to get a better view. “Divine Tension’s lip sync was shameful.”

Sam glances at Steve, who is slowly coming out of protector mode. “What the ever-loving hell are they talking about?”

“RuPaul’s Drag Race.” Nat flicks more confetti at both Cap-the-former and Cap-the-current. “They watch it every week.”

“Really, Steven, for a guy with enhanced super senses, you miss a lot.” Tony hefts a bedazzled Morgan higher on his back. The toddler, accompanied by Scott playing air-piano on the ground, sings along with the ABBA song being blasted at full volume through the street. Tony continues as if this is an everyday occurrence. “Why do you think both of your People disappear every Friday evening?”

Ears pink, Steve mumbles something.

“What?!” The only other one with hearing enhanced enough to hear a murmur over the cacophony of several thousand people belting out the chorus of ‘Dancing Queen’ at the top of their lungs, Bucky turns to stare at his friend. “You thought we were datin’?”

Steve’s blush extends down his neck.

You and Bucky stare at each other for a moment before you both collapse on each other, exploding into stomach clenching, thigh slapping laughter.

“I’m gonna guess that’s a ‘no’?” Clint confirms with Nat.

“Oh, a big ‘no’.” She watches affectionately as you and Bucky calm down enough to look at each other, breathe for a second, and both promptly dissolve into hysterics once more. “Like, the biggest ‘no’.”

Sam crossed his arms across his chest, his stoic stance so reminiscent of Steve it’s amusing (as well as a beautiful disparity to the sequined crop top he’s sporting. Oof, those abs.). “How do I not know about this?”

“Because you’re not a former super spy?” The usually-Black-but-today-Rainbow Widow tosses the last of her confetti at Tony, who spins a jubilant Morgan into it. “Or because you and that leggy barista from the lobby coffee shop are too busy playing hide-the-“

“-Baby Shark!” Morgan suddenly shrieks, flailing towards a guy on roller blades wearing a fin and tail (and not much else).

“Yeah,” Nat finishes with a smirk, “Hide-the-Baby Shark.”

Sam flips her a gesture that makes Clint laugh and Bruce sigh.

You and Bucky have finally managed to pull yourselves together. “Oh my god, Steven Grant,” you gasp, wiping tears from your eyes. “That’s the funniest fucking shit I’ve ever fucking heard.”

“Language!”

Steve glares at Tony. “One. Time. It was one. Time.”

Bucky slings his flesh arm around Steve’s shoulders. “Oh, punk. You may have perfect vision now, but sometimes you’re still as blind as you were before.”

Visiortn himself nods sagely. “Humans can be quite unperceptive when it comes to matters of the heart.” Vision casts a fond smile at Wanda, who is using her powers to make Pietro’s tinsel wig fly on and off. “Sometimes you have to look harder to see what’s right in front of your nose.”

A confused frown on that handsome face, Captain Clueless looks at Bucky. “Why do I feel like everyone else knows something that I don’t?”

His bestie sighs deeply. “Because, Stevie, almost everyone else on this planet knows that my tastes tend towards tall, blonde, blue-eyed knuckleheads who have zero sense of self-preservation.”

“And an ass you could bounce a quarter off of,” Scott helpfully supplies.

“And that,” Bucky agrees.

Steve frowns.

You press your palms to your eyes in vexation. “You, Steve. He’s talking about you.” (Seriously, how has this idiot survived for over a century while being so dumb?)

Whatever he was expecting, it was certainly not that. “He-“ The Man With A Plan gapes as he turns to his oldest friend. “You-“

“Me,” Bucky says gently.

Even though you’re slightly surprised that Bucky is going to do this in such a public forum, you can’t help but be so proud of your friend. It has taken a long time for Bucky to believe he deserves to be happy. There are days he still sinks into that dark place, where his inner demons whisper that he should have fought harder against his Hydra captors, and that his past actions were still somehow his fault. Those are the days no amount of baking or Modern Marvels will bring him out of his funk. You, Steve, Sam, and Nat have all held those strong shoulders as they shook with sobs, overwhelmed by the shame and horror at what his hands had done without his consent.

But he’s here. He’s free. And he’s smiling nervously at his best friend.

“I-” Steve is short-circuiting. “Me?!”

“Stevie.” With the kind of tender patience that can only be born of a lifetime of keeping (or attempting to keep) an idiot such as one Steven Grant Rogers from flinging himself headlong into every fight he comes across, Bucky moves his flesh hand to the back of Steve’s neck. His face is full of such soft affection that you almost want to look away for fear of intruding on this suddenly intimate moment. “What do you think ‘til the end of the line’ means, you idiot? You’ve been it for me since I was thirteen-years-old.”

Blue eyes are locked with blue eyes as Steve processes this revelation. “I-” He shakes his head as if to declutter his thoughts. “This whole time?”

“Since the first time I saw that asshole knock you down, and your scrawny ass climbed right back up.” A wry chuckle escapes as Bucky reminices. “You were ninety pounds soaking wet, and you stood there, against a guy who was three times your size, and never waivered for a second. It was magnificent.”

“I don’t like bullies,” is Steve’s quiet response.

Bucky’s grin is adoring. “I know, sweetheart.” He gently strokes the back of Steve’s neck with his thumb. “You’ve always had a heart way bigger than your brain.”

Steve is still back on the first part of Bucky’s admission. “If you’ve felt- if you-” He’s practically pleading. “Why didn’t you say anything then?”

Bucky shrugs, attempting and failing nonchalance. “It was a different time, you know?” He’s uncharacteristically unsure of himself, the subtle waiver in his voice revealing the anxiety born of a lifetime of being forced to hide his truth. “I mean, you remember how it was; you didn’t talk about, no one talked about- about being- about people like...” He swallows thickly.  “And I was so scared you didn’t, that you weren’t-” His voice breaks.

Even though you’ve all been emotionally invested in this love story for years, the entire team respectfully pretends not to listen as the former Winter Soldier quietly admits his deepest secret to his closest friend. It’s enraging as Bucky confesses yet another way he's been a victim of his circumstances, and denied his right to live freely without derision. Once more, you’re awed by his resilience.

“-it was a risk I couldn’t take,” Bucky finally gets out, that stubborn fire back in his eyes. “I couldn’t lose you, Steve. I couldn’t chance it. I could live with just being your friend and only your friend so long it meant you were in my life.”

Stunned silence meets the end of his confession. Steve’s face is impassive, those cerulean eyes uncharacteristically inscrutable.

You can all tell Bucky is heading steadily towards dread and heartbreak the longer Steve takes to respond. You and Sam exchange a look, both ready to intervene if Steve demonstrates any of the abhorrent attitudes that were so prevalent in the society of his youth. It would be completely out of character for him, but...

Finally, Steve speaks. “You’re telling me,” he says, his words slow and deliberate, “that you made me wait ninety-three years to tell me you’ve felt the same way about me as I have about you since the day you picked me up out of that alley?!”

The whole found family breaths a collective sigh of relief as Steve pulls Bucky even closer, broad chest to broad chest.

“Okay, to be fair, you were an ice cube for most of that time and I wasn’t exactly available for a relationship.” Bucky’s grin stands in contradiction to his mullish defense. “But yeah, that’s the gist of it.” There’s the Bucky you all know and love, biting his lip with those perfect white teeth. “Now, punk, I’d really like to kiss you now, but first I need you to say you want me to.”

“You-” Steve’s throat works as he attempts- and fails- to rein in his emotions. “You jerk.”

And then the Star Spangled Man seizes the president of the Sometimes-Former-Assassins Club by his ridiculously perfect face and crashes their mouths together.

At any Pride event, seeing two men kissing is, obviously, to be expected. But seeing The First Avenger and The White Wolf attempting to swallow each other’s tongues is not at all routine. As people realize what is happening, the crowd is whipped into a frenzy the likes of which is usually reserved for the aftermath of sporting events and elections that defeat fascists.

Watching the two men embrace, Scott sniffles loudly. “I’m gonna cry, I’m so happy.”

He’s certainly not the only one. Wanda has a watery smile as she wraps her arms around Vision and Pietro; Pepper, Tony, and Bruce are watching with fond parental energy; you and Sam sandwich Peter between the two of you, grins practically splitting your faces. Even Nat’s eyes look suspiciously shiny and she and Clint sling their arms around each other with platonic affection. And that’s not counting the several thousand people who are cheering for love being love being love being love.

When they finally break their embrace, the Centennial twins are startled to see they’ve collected quite an audience.

“Uh, so…” Suddenly bashful, Steve glances back to his- partner? Boyfriend? Soulmate? Is there a word that can accurately describe two people who have found each other time and again in a world that seems hell-bent on keeping them apart?- his ears practically maroon with embarrassment. For a guy with one of the most-recognized faces in the world, Steve is still incredibly and endearingly uncomfortable with attention. “Buck?”

Bucky seems just as stunned as Steve.

Thankfully, the masses demonstrate the usual support that’s the hallmark of Pride. “LOVE IS LOVE!” someone screams in the crowd. It’s quickly echoed, and chants fill the park.

The attention momentarily off them, the former Winter Soldier and his giant himbo of a soulmate look back at each other. You pretend not to watch through the happiest tears as they embrace again, bringing their foreheads together. The relief they share is palpable, as they’re finally able to show the world- and each other- the love they’ve each hidden for so long.

Bucky’s voice is so soft you have to strain to hear it. “You have no idea how much m’in love with you, Stevie.”

“Pretty sure I do,” Steve answers, bringing a hand up to carefully wipe the tears from Bucky’s face. “‘cause it’s as much as I love you, Buck.”

Bucky's answering grin can only be described as saucy. “Then kiss me again, like you mean it.”

And Steve, for once in his long life, does exactly as ordered.

---

A/N: “The Sometimes-Former-Assassins Club” is from Starry_Emerald173’s BRILLIANT The Avengers Wrangler over on AO3. If you haven’t read it yet, drop what you’re doing and do so immediately. Make sure you're not drinking any liquids, or your keyboard/phone may be in peril.

[sunnymenagerie]

RuPaul’s Drag Race: Disco-Mentary

Where am I? What’s going on? Tina Burner was in the top and Gottmik and Symone were just SAFE? This week’s episode of ‘Drag Race’ made as much sense and was as chaotic as all of 2020 combined. Not to sound dramatic, but...what was up with Ru and the...

The mini-challenge gave way to the teams that would later compete against one another in a dance challenge ala the disco era with a Disco-Mentary. With Gottmik being last week’s winner, she got to pick which pair she’d make a throuple and to no one’s surprise, she picked Tina Burner and Kandy Muse - who by the way coined themselves the “Mean Girls.” I get they are trying to be the Rolaskatox, the Heathers, but Mean? Gottmik is a darling.

Anyways, the Mean Girls go head to head with Olivia and Utica, Symone and LaLa Ri, Rose, and Denali, and the two girls no one wanted...Eliott and Tamisha Iman. They may have been stuck with one another but they took home the win with the mini-challenge. Sadly, that win didn’t ignite something a little extra in Tamisha Iman because she landed in the bottom this week. Which, we’re going to get to…

In the challenge, I didn’t think anyone did that amazing. LaLa and Symone were memorable, as was Utica but only because she played up the wacky faces. Tina was also another one my mind held onto but not for a good reason. I’m not sure why, but her dancing was a little too abrasive to me. Her outfit was on point though. Disco and all that movement - a winning combination because yes, Tina Burner was in the top this week alongside Olivia Lux and Elliott. Now, those last two did good in the challenge but their runways were as basic as Tamisha Iman’s. I feel like Olivia’s was off the rack from Forever 21. Her hair though - the one thing the judges loved A LOT in both her looks this week - was fucking flawless. I live to have that much volume in my curls. It’s just her and Elliott’s fashion, to me, wasn’t top tier - especially compared to the safe girls.

Gottmik, I thought this look was more OMG than anything RuPaul was gushing over last week. Maybe because I’m more for the runway moments, and THAT was a moment. I also thought Symone gave us a premiere look as well. I felt bad for Rose and Denali though, because as dancers they were the most on-point technically, but I do feel like Rose wasn’t able to let loose - the same for Denali. They’re both too in their heads about perfection because they do have the training in them. If Denali would’ve let go a little, I think what she walked down the runway in would’ve gotten her the win. Rose? Not so much. The judges definitely would’ve compared this look to the tulle challenge look with the tulle that’s just kind of there like an afterthought addition.

So that means I 100% didn’t understand the tops. Tina, who once again managed to weasel in her fast food color scheme, and then Olivia and Elliott in just mall wear. Olivia is constantly someone I say is drop-dead gorgeous but these looks haven’t taken me anywhere yet, this week included. Winner or not. In the end, do we feel as if Kandy and Tamisha Iman were put in the bottom two because the producers KNEW how exciting it’d be after last week’s history-making ‘Untucked?’ I want to say yes, but these two were the weakest in the actual challenge. So perhaps the producers just got lucky...this time.

Little Black Dress Looks Ranked:  

Gottmik - A. Moment.

Denali - Simple, but with a kind of ooo! reveal

Symone - She looked fucking fantastic

Utica - Appreciate the creativity

Kandy - We’ve seen it once before on the runway but I liked the oil in her hair. It told more of a story for me than some of the others

LaLa Ri - Anything is 100% better than last week’s bag-mishap

Rose - Looked great, but wasn’t her best

Elliott - The coat was amazing, but the LBD was pretty basic

Tamisha - Wonderfully crafted

Olivia - Off the rack

Tina Burner -

Week 6 Rankings & Reasonings:

Gottmik - Still serving LOOKS and she’ll be safe with an improv challenge next week

Symone - She won the first acting challenge...so chances are she’ll likely win again next week but her looks need to stop being homages and start being Symone

Rose - An acting challenge and I’m still saying that her not having a win yet is continuously pushing her and this week’s loss, that seems to be the last straw

Utica - Yes, the bottom three this week but I feel like she’ll be great with improv 

Kandy - This week rattled her a bit but she is great in front of a camera, but her runways...they need to be stepped up

Olivia - She won this week but she faded hard during the first acting challenge but the judges just love her look so much that she could fall into the safe zone

Tina - The ONLY reason Tina is right here is because she’s proven she can act and that’s what next week is about

Denali - Although I did not think she deserved to be in the bottom for her RuMark Movie performance if she has a repeat performance - the judges aren’t going to be havin’ it

LaLa Ri - Acting wasn’t her strongest

Elliott - They say she’s a dancer and almost won because of it but against the LaLa Ri Experience?

[talesfromthesnogbox]

A Little Bit of Love

Summary: Richie surprises Eddie by going on Celebrity Drag Race.

Word Count: 3,075

Notes: Hi this is so stupid but it was bugging me so I had to write it okay bye.

AO3 Link

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“Hey Eddie, come down I want to show you something.”

Eddie raced down the stairs to find Richie on the couch, VH1 paused and ready for his surprise appearance.

“Celebrity Drag Race? I’ve spent the last week binging it while you’ve been ‘writing’, why do you want to watch it now?”

He hit Eddie lightly on the chest. “Shut up. I want to watch it with you!”

Richie had yet to tell any of his friends that he was going on Drag Race, and even more surprisingly, he was officially coming out to the world. Most of the Losers already knew he was gay, and he knew that Eddie kind of knew, but he hadn’t formally said anything to him about it.

The two of them sat in silence as the queens talked amongst themselves, wondering who would walk into the workroom first. Finally, Richie was revealed, and the queens went quiet.

Richie’s palms were sweaty, almost as sweaty as when he first stepped out behind that curtain in the loudest rainbow tie-dye button up shirt he could find.

“The Trashmouth has arrived.” He said onscreen, looking around at the pink… everything.

“Richie, what the fuck?” Eddie took the remote from him and paused the television. “When the fuck did you do Drag Race?”

“Surprise?” He chuckled seeing Eddie’s expression turn from angry to downright amused. “Alright, I signed an NDA, I wasn’t allowed to say anything!”

“Hi, I’m Richie, I’m 41 years old, and I’m a stand up comedian.” The scene on TV flashed back and forth from the usual flashy confessional screen and Richie exploring the workroom. He was the first one in, and he ogled the sequin gowns lining the walls, and the makeup on the counters. “I’ll be honest, I hadn’t watched the show until very recently. Last year I went back to my hometown in Derry, Maine for a little reunion with some childhood friends of mine, and went through a pretty traumatic experience. There’s this old abandoned house that all the kids used to tell ghost stories about and be scared of, and we, being the dumbass adults we are, decided to take a look around inside. It uh… it collapsed while we were inside, and my best friend Eddie actually ended up getting really badly hurt.”

 The screen flashes from Richie, tearing up in his confessional, to photos of them as kids, and one they’d taken as a group when they arrived.

“That really fucked me up, I thought… I thought I was gonna lose him, and I never… yeah, it just taught me to really hold your loved ones close. He’s alright, he’s actually living with me now, and he’s the one that got me to watch the show.” Richie’s somber expression changes to one of joy as he talks about Eddie. “I’ve been doing a lot of work writing for my upcoming tour, but Eddie watches Drag Race every chance he gets. When they asked me if I wanted to go on the show, it was an automatic yes, I didn’t even have to think about it. We’d been through so much last year, so I really wanted to surprise Eddie, and I thought it would be a great way to introduce myself formally as a part of the LGBTQ community.” Richie on screen held up a little rainbow flag and waved it around. “Honestly I think the producers were hoping I’d say no. I’ve been kind of a piece of shit… no, I’ve been a huge piece of shit, my work was pretty disgusting, and I want to change that. The first step is coming out, so yes, I was overcompensating with my comedy to hide how far in the closet I was. Hi, I’m gay!”

“Surprise?”

Eddie paused the TV again and turned to look at Richie, tears in his eyes. “Dude, I’m really proud of you.” He brought his friend in close for a hug, feeling hot splashes of tears fall on his neck.

“I’m sorry I never told you.”

“It’s okay, you weren’t ready Trashmouth.”

They dried their tears as they watched Richie interact with the other two celebrity guests as they arrived in the workroom, casually chatting about work and their mutual respect for the show, when finally RuPaul Charles arrived.

“So, was he amazing in person?”

Richie laughed. “Oh my god he’s the most fabulous human being alive, seriously I have so much respect for him.”

Eddie was giddy as he asked Richie questions about Ru, the workroom, the Pit Crew.

“Honestly, the Pit Crew is amazing, if I had a body like that I too would be flaunting it in those tiny briefs.” He laughed. “But it’s so hot in there with all those lights, they’re the luckiest people on this show.”

Finally, the real queens were added into the mix. Eddie watched with rapt attention as Richie and the other two contestants fumbled their way into “quick drag”, giggling at Richie struggling with a tube of lipstick and a horrendous blonde wig. Luckily for Richie, their mini challenge was an improv challenge, and he absolutely nailed it, making Ru and the rest of the queens shed tears of laughter.

“I still can’t believe you’re on the show, and now you’re winning the mini challenge? What the fuck?”

“Yeah! I got to pair up everyone with their queens. I know you really like Nina West so…”

Eddie’s jaw dropped as Richie took his place beside his favourite queen on the show, the lovely Nina West. “Shut up!”

“She’s a real sweetheart.”

Richie had seen parts of the episode already in its early stages and knew when certain… uncomfortable… moments were coming up. He did quite a bit of crying in his confessionals, and even had Nina tearing up a bit too.

Their maxi challenge was a lipsync performance, and Eddie already knew Richie was going to kill it. All the celebrities on the show were (now) out, gay men, and the number was a love-letter to Pride, something Richie had never actually participated in.

The other celebrities were all taken aback as the queens were to hear Richie come out to them in the workroom, but quickly accepted him in with a hug. “Richie you’ll love it, it’s like one big party celebrating who you are, and celebrating acceptance.” At that, Richie on screen started to tear up, knowing he hadn’t experienced that kind of acceptance from strangers before. “Sorry, you’re all so nice, I just… I dunno, expected to be booed off the set or something. I’ve been such an asshole in my sets just to hide it.”

Richie was crying in his confessional as well. “All my life I grew up in this shitty little town where everyone was homophobic, and misogynistic. I had bullies throwing slurs at me left, right and center, and I wasn’t even out, hell I didn’t even think I did anything that would even give anyone the hint that I was gay. I used to joke about fucking my friends’ moms, one in particular, mostly to hide the way I really felt…”

Back in the workroom, the queens and other contestants were still gathered around him. “I know how shitty it felt to be called names, and to feel like your life doesn’t matter, to feel like you’re an abomination because assholes like me told you so. My parents were really loving, and still are, my mom cried and told me she loved me when I came out to her last month, but not everyone gets that kind of love. And I feel like some of my stand up routines just made people feel worse. Man I regret so much of what I’ve said on stage, it’s not me, it was all a front because of how scared I was to admit that I’m gay.”

Nina pulled Richie into a hug as he wiped his eyes. “You’ll always be loved and accepted Richie, it’s never too late to admit you fucked up and make amends.” The rest of the cast joined Nina in their hug, only making Richie cry harder. “I’m so proud to have you as my drag daughter.”

Eddie paused as the show went to commercial and turned to his friend, who was once again, misty eyed.

“Rich…”

“You have no idea how hard it was filming that.” His voice was quiet. “I was such a piece of shit, and they literally just pulled me into a hug and told me they loved me for who I was.”

Eddie laid his head on Richie’s shoulder. “We love you too, you know that right? All the losers. It doesn’t matter to us if you’re gay or if you’re straight, or whatever… we’re here Rich.”

“I know, thank you.”

“Nobody’s going to hate you for being gay.”

Richie scoffed. “Twitter may have something else to say about that. I’m pretty sure I pissed off enough people to be banished from the community.”

“Well they can fuck off. I’ll fight every one of them if I have to.” Eddie snickered and hit play again, skipping forwards through the commercials. His favourite part of the show was always when the makeover finally happened. Richie appeared on screen clean-shaven wearing contacts, a rare sight for Eddie, and ready to be made beautiful.

“Please don’t laugh, Eds.”

“Why would I—”

On screen Richie removed his shirt and replaced it with a heavily padded bra. “So I don’t know how keen you are on this, but I quite like my chest hair.”

Nina shrugged. “That’s okay, for the runway we can put you in something with a high collar so you’re covered up.”

Richie chuckled. “No… I… there’s a Canadian queen I like that is kind of advocating for the destigmatization of female body hair, and she keeps her chest… out in the open, hair and all. If you’re okay with it… I’d kinda like to do that too.”

Nina smiled back at Richie and discarded of the high-necked bodysuit she was holding. “Alright, tits out it is.”

Eddie sat silently beside Richie, his mouth going dry at the sight of Richie’s chest out in the open while Nina worked on his face. He’d been joining Eddie’s physical therapy exercises for support, and kept up with him whenever he was at the gym, so his stomach and chest were a lot more toned than they were in the summer they’d reunited. Eddie had never really noticed, even when Richie walked around shirtless, but now… now he was noticing.

He noticed the way the veins in Richie’s forearms stood out, how the muscles moved beneath his skin as he reached out to grab the makeup Nina pointed to, how they went rigid when he flexed, lifting a case that was clearly heavy.

Richie got up from beside Eddie awkwardly. “I’ll be… I’ll be right back.”

Eddie frowned at the awkward tension coming from Richie before he realized on screen it was time to ‘tuck’. He let out a giggle as he watched Nina lead Richie back behind a screen and try to walk him through the practice.

“Yeah just take it and…”

Richie winced on screen. “I don’t know man, it’s not… is that right?”

“Here, let me…” Nina stepped in, and Eddie was instantly cackling, watching Richie’s face change expressions from annoyance to shock to discomfort.

Confessional Richie winced, a pained smile painting his face as he nodded. “I publicly came out and less than 20 minutes later had a man touch my dick for the first time, and I’ve gotta tell you… was not a great feeling. Let’s hope it’s better the next time when I actually get to… you know… is it weird that I’m talking about people touching my dick on camera?” He asked a producer off-camera.

“We’ve heard worse.” The producer rebutted, making Richie snort a laugh on screen.

Eddie watched Richie walk back into the room and slide beside him on the couch again. “Yeah, I… I wasn’t a fan of that whole…” he waved his hands over his crotch area, “tucking thing.”

“It sounds horrible.” Eddie agreed.

Finally, it was time for them to be introduced on the runway. Richie was the last to walk, and by far, had the biggest transformation. “Our final queen is Rachelle Von Dixx.” Eddie paused before he could step out onto the stage and looked at his friend.

“Of ALL the drag names you could have chosen, you went with Rachelle Von Dixx?”

“What can I say, it spoke to me.”

Eddie rolled his eyes and slumped back in his seat, hitting play once more. He hated to admit it, but Richie was Rachelle. Just as charismatic on the runway as Nina was, making faces at the judges, doing little spins with his arms wide to make his skirt flow around him. He looked totally comfortable up there and…

“You’re surprisingly good at walking in heels.”

Richie shrugged. “I used to wear my sister’s heels around the house for shits and giggles. They aren’t that hard to walk in.”

The challenge was over, it was time for the judges’ critiques, and Eddie was not prepared for them to critique Richie. But… they didn’t actually have anything bad to say about him.

“So I guess a congratulations and welcome to the family is in order for miss Rachelle. It’s hard to come out, and you’re doing it on TV.” Ru said after Richie’s critiques.

“Yeah, yeah thank you! It’s been an incredibly eye-opening experience, and I’m really, really grateful for it. The love and support everyone… oh god I said I wasn’t gonna cry on the main stage.” He laughed, fanning his eyes as the other queens gathered around him. “Whew, I’m okay. It’s just incredible, and I… thank you.”

“That’s beautiful Rachelle.” Ru blew him a kiss.

“So is there a special man in your life then?” Richie froze on stage as the question was hurled from the judges’ panel, but a timid smile crossed his face as warmth spread through his body. “Oh, I think that means there is!”

“No, it’s not… it’s not like that!” Richie insisted on screen, his smile giving him away. “I… I’ve known him forever and I love him, I think he was my first love, but, he doesn’t know any of this, I haven’t even come out to him yet.”

Confessional Richie looked past the camera at the producers. “Those judges man, they can like see into your soul. I’ve only ever really told like three people that I love Eddie, and two of them are my parents. Stan has been sworn to secrecy about it since we were like twelve.” Richie laughed. “Feels good though, finally saying it.” He nodded, deep in thought. “You’re gonna edit this out, right?”

Richie got up from his spot beside Eddie, who was too stunned to say anything. His hands were shaking as he walked into the kitchen, swearing.

“Rich, hey Rich, come back here.” Eddie followed him, catching him by the back of his shirt.

“Fuck man… fuck.” Richie raked his fingers through his hair, eyes darting wildly around the room. “Sorry, I’m sorry, I just… I didn’t think they’d put that in there. I don’t know why I even said it, I… I’m sorry I embarrassed you, I never meant for this—”

“Hey, hey Rich, look at me!”

Richie turned, his eyes misting over with tears for the umpteenth time that night. He could hear his phone going off in the other room, buzzing with the excitement of the confession from his friends and family, the internet inevitably exploding with shock.

“I never meant for you to find out.”

Eddie’s brow furrowed. “Why?”

“Because Eds… we’ve been friends since we were like six. I don’t want to give up on all those years of friendship just because my heart can’t keep it in its pants.”

Eddie scoffed. “You think you’re the only one who feels this way? Dude, I divorced my wife then moved across the country to live with you.”

Richie shrugged. “Yeah, so? I offered my spare room to you, you had nowhere else to go.”

“Stan, Ben, and Bill all offered me their spare rooms too. Before you did. I turned them all down Rich.”

Richie was silent.

“I never said anything because I wasn’t sure… wasn’t sure where you stood, if you were seeing someone, or if you even liked men, but Rich… this is me saying something.”

Cheers could be heard from TV in the background of Richie winning the competition, and announcing the LGBTQ+ charity he’d be donating to. They tuned it all out as they each came to the realization of what the other meant to them.

Richie’s eyes widened as it finally hit him. “Oh… oh. So… so you… me?” Eddie let out a boisterous laugh. “Yes you, you idiot. I’ve wanted to say it for so long but… I’m saying it now.”

The sound that left Richie’s mouth was one of shock and disbelief. “Holy shit.”

“Yeah dude, holy shit.” Eddie took a step closer to Richie, coming into his personal bubble and staring up at him with doe eyes. “Richie?”

“Y-yeah?”

“I think this is the part where you kiss me.”

 *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 Later that night once the dust had settled, Richie and Eddie decided to stop playing by any rules or standards anyone had made for dating and go at their own pace. Richie hummed contentedly as Eddie snuggled further into his chest in his bed… their bed. He angled Eddie’s face up towards his, and pulled him into a tender kiss. The other man didn’t realize that Richie had pulled out his phone and snapped a photo of the two.

“What are you doing?”

Richie smiled and kissed the tip of Eddie’s nose. “Making it official.”

Dick Tozier @trashmouth

Guess I have to send a big THANK YOU to @NinaWest for being the best drag mother, and an even bigger THANK YOU to @RuPaul and the editing team of @RuPaulsDragRace for not listening to me when I asked if that line about being in love with my best friend could be cut out. I have you to thank for this.

Richie attached the photo he’d just taken and hit “Send Tweet” before turning off his phone. “Sorry about the chaos that’s about to ensue.”

Eddie giggled. “I don’t care, I’m just happy I finally have you.”

[artificialqueens]

There's No One There, 3/? (Group fic) - Marmalade

Summary: One student missing multiple classes without warning can be explained away but when more girls start disappearing, it can’t be dismissed. Jaida, Jackie, Gigi, and Crystal may not be friends but if it’s to figure out what’s going on, they’re willing to work together.

A/N: Hii, I’m just going to make a habit of putting the summary in front of each submission. In other news, I’m not vibing with the pen Marmalade but I haven’t figured out a new name yet and we’ve reached a point in the story writing where I’ve had to make a separate notes page to keep my flow right. I’ve been trying to come up with an all girls boarding school mystery for ages now and it feels good having one.

—–

The search for Widow kicked off to a worrying start. Gigi chose to accompany Crystal, mainly to avoid stepping in mud with Jaida and Jackie as they walked around the school asking about Jan. Widow hadn’t been in any of her usual spots and none of the four shared a class with her after lunch forcing them to resume their search after the school day had ended. Their final bet was checking her dorm.

“What’re we gonna do if we go and she’s not there either and we have another missing person?” Crystal asked as she reached into her pocket to pull out some of the candy she had grabbed yesterday. Gigi was keeping a few feet of space between the two of them in the hopes that it wouldn’t seem like they were hanging out but Crystal’s outstretched arm offering her pieces of candy destroyed the illusion. Gigi begrudgingly took the piece of candy and inspected the label.

“I don’t know. Tell the others and wait for them to come up with a plan instead?” Crystal let out a laugh. “…What flavor is duranzo?”

“Peach? Ooooor maybe orange? I don’t know, my mom never actually taught me Spanish. I just know that brand’s like, good fruity taffy things.”

“Oh, can’t then.” Gigi handed the piece back to her.

“How come?”

“Does it matter? We’re trying to find a missing girl; are we close to Widow’s dorm yet?”

“Yeah! It’s just a little farther ahead!” Crystal powerwalked down the hall until she arrived at her friend’s dorm, her curled hand raised to knock before she stopped. There was a whisper behind the door, she heard it but couldn’t make out any details, and she waited a moment for the voice to speak again but nothing else came. Gigi had caught up to her so Crystal finally knocked.

“Widow, are you thereee?”

There was a faint sound of shuffling before the door opened and a sudden chill took both girls by surprise. At first the door only cracked open, Crystal leaned to the side to flash a smile and the door opened wider, revealing Widow to be thankfully not missing. There were dark circles under her eyes but she somewhat returned the smile before she spotted Gigi, her brows knitted together.

“Since when do you two hang out? Whatever- what do you want?”

“Since now, sort of.” Gigi interjected.

“I wanna know what’s been bothering you! A lot of weird stuff’s been going on and I’m worried about you.”

Widow let out a quiet, wheezy chuckle and shook her head.

“What’s so funny?”

“Well, for starter’s you brought someone neither of us know basically at all to have a serious conversation.”

“We can talk in private if you want, can I come in?”

Widow looked back into her dorm and then to Crystal. “…Now’s not a great time for that.”

“Why, who were you talking to in there?”

Widow opened her mouth but closed it without saying a word. Her eyes narrowed inquisitively and she looked over Crystal’s face like she was trying to find something. “You wanna know what my problem is? This damn school. The same walls, the same people, the same shit every god damn day, it can drive a bitch crazy and this place is damn good at it. Trying to make sense of it is a complete mess.”

“Maybe it’s a mess because you’re trying to do it all yourself?”

“…Fine.” It was only one word and yet it made Crystal’s face light up. “I’ll tell you because I know you won’t judge me if I tell you but I don’t know Gigi like that. Not here though, the walls have got ears or something, just meet me in town this weekend, okay?”

-

“I can’t believe we haven’t found a single witness. It’s not like she could jump through space.” Jackie said as she wrote another name down on the list. They knew the walk around the school was unlikely to turn up any tangible clues but both girls had expected to find some students that would be able to provide useful information. Jackie had been able to gleam was that Jan had now missed two full days of class without anyone seeing head or tails of her but that was about it.

They made their way back to the school’s entrance, curious if Crystal and Gigi had better luck then them. Standing in the doorway was Vice Principal Visage, they passed by her without paying her any mind only for her to stop them.

“Jaida, Jackie, will you both come with me?” She phrased it like she was asking but the both knew they had no option.

“What did we do?” Jackie asked but Miss Visage didn’t answer, only spinning on her heels and beckoning them after her, keeping them in silent suspense as they made their way to the principal’s office. Jackie gulped and held her notebook close her chest.

Crystal and Gigi sat on chairs outside of the headmaster’s office and got onto their feet upon seeing Miss Visage. She opened the door to the headmaster’s office without knocking and poked her head in. “The girls are here.”

“Send them in.” Miss Visage swung the door open and ushered them inside. At his desk was the headmaster, Rupaul, his fingers steepled together. There were only two chairs in front of his desk and the girls weren’t sure which two of them ought to sit down, or if they even should sit.

“I’ve been hearing that you four have been really on edge recently, care to tell me what’s this all about?”

There was a beat of silence before all of them but Gigi stumbled over each other trying to explain. The headmaster put his hand up to silence them and then gestured to Jackie to go first.

“Sir, last week Nicky stopped showing up to classes and now Jan’s missed two days’ worth of classes. Both of them were acting out of character before then and, well, we’re concerned that something might have happened!”

The headmaster didn’t respond right away, instead twisting his fingers together. Finally, he stood up and turned to the cabinets behind him, patiently going through them until he deposited two files onto his desk and sat back down, pressing his hand down on top of the manila folders.

“Giving out student information to anyone outside of their immediate families is a violation of student privacy…” A small, reassuring smile formed on his face. “-so, this doesn’t leave this office. Let’s see…” He picked up the first folder and looked through it. “Ah, Nicky. I’m sure you’re aware that most of her family still lives in France, her sister is getting married and from the sound of it, Nicky was left out on a lot of the planning. She left on a flight last Thursday for the wedding but between you and me, I think her parents are letting her skip more class than necessary, and she’s scheduled to return by the time class starts up after the break. Going to be interesting to see how she catches up on all her missed work.

Now Jan, Jan had been coming in to see the counselor a few times. Juggling grades with extracurriculars and her social life got overwhelming I suppose. One of the campus security guards caught her trying to leave campus without permission and we contacted her parents. After a long discussion they decided to have Jan sent home, now they’re trying to decide if returning to school is still the right choice for Jan, unfortunately, we’re expecting their final answer sometime during the break.”

“But- that doesn’t sound like the Jan I know!”

The headmaster hummed and nodded, putting the folders back in their places. “Do you girls know why you’re here?”

“In the office?”

“At this school.”

“Be…cause you don’t charge tuition?” Gigi replied dryly with a raised eyebrow.

“Because we saw something great in each and every one of you. The girls at this school aren’t here because they have the highest test scores or because their parents shelled out a lot of money to put them here, they’re here because each of them has the potential to do something amazing in whatever field they choose. That’s why we try to keep the school’s cost as low as possible, so that girls who otherwise wouldn’t have a chance can have this opportunity. This school is hard, you knew that when you applied but the sad truth is that not everyone can handle it.

All those voices in your head that tell you ‘you can’t do this’ and ‘you should quit’ that’s your inner saboteur trying to tear you down. Your job is to quiet those voices but some girls can do it better than other. If you ask me, you four need to worry about yourselves. In a matter of days, you’ve managed to make yourselves completely paranoid. Put down the magnifying glasses and go do something you enjoy! Like you, Crystal, I know you’re an artist. I’m going to challenge you to put all that creativity onto a canvas. This goes to all of you, I want you to find an outlet for all this negativity because what you’re doing now isn’t helping. Okay? Now get out there, go learn something, kiddos.”

The four girls were released back into the hall where they found themselves rooted in thought.

“So that’s it?” Gigi was the one who broke the silence. “We worked ourselves up over nothing? Two days of anxiety and work that we didn’t have to put ourselves through?”

“Maybe we all just wanted there to be a mystery that we filled in the blanks?” Jackie conceded. She feathered through the pages of her book until she found her page of notes. It felt absurd now, childish even.

“Look, child, maybe we did go off the rails but-! If something had happened, we would have been on top of everything. Of course, now we’re getting court marshalled to find hobbies but you know.” Jaida’s lips pulled into a smile and she laughed but no one really joined in.

“Guess we’re done then. No more of-“ Gigi gestures vaguely to the group. “-whatever this is. We can go back to our normal social circles now.” It was an odd realization, none of the girls had ever hung out with one another and yet they fell so quickly into a groove for the sake of a mystery. Now that the mystery was gone there was nothing to keep them together anymore. An awkwardness settled between them like the strangers they were until it was so heavy that they were repelled to their separate directions.

Crystal had remained quiet through out the dissolving of the group, even if they were wrong about Nicky and Jan, Widow still had something going on and Crystal was going to talk to her friend about it. As she took her leave, Crystal heard a hushed murmur and stopped, looking back over her shoulder at the other girls but they were already out of earshot with no one else in the hall.

[thecourtneychronicles]

“Ever since, Act has enjoyed enormous success. From participating in the Emmy-winning TV show RuPaul’s Drag Race to becoming the first drag performer ever to sing live with the San Francisco Symphony to being in campaigns for big fashion brands to winning Celebrity Big Brother to touring the world with her live shows – there is nothing she doesn’t do! Without a doubt, she is a multi-talent and enjoys her career with full passion.

In a time where gender equality, women’s rights and LGBTQ+ movements have become more visible and important than ever, Courtney Act has played a massive role in the conversations concerning it by engaging and educating people about it.

We’ve had a chat with the versatile drag queen and talked about all things drag race, the conversations around drag, and her future plans.

Hi, nice to meet you!

You too, where in the world are you at the moment?

I’m in rainy London unfortunately, and you? Are you back from Hong Kong?

I’m here too! Hong Kong was good, but a lot of civil unrest which wasn’t so good. But then I went to Thailand for the weekend and had some fun! I have only been once before; I had a marvellous time.

Sounds amazing. So, what’s a typical day in the life of Courtney Act then?

Every day is different! Yesterday, I was flying from Bangkok to London, today [18th November] I’m talking to you and debating politics at the BBC, then tomorrow I’m going to the opening of & Juliet which is a new musical. Thursday, I’m recording music for my new live show – it will be sort of a cabaret live show tour through the USA and Australia, and this time all my music will be original! It’s just super exciting and super daunting. Each Thursday, I’m going to the studio and recording. My mission was to write one song a week and so far, it’s been going really well. This time, it’s a different process to what I usually do. Usually, I will sit in a studio with different songwriters and producers and we are trying to come up with pop songs together. But this show is about my views and experiences in life, so I sit at home, sit or stand on the Tube, and just writing down notes. I’ve written songs that are so personal, there is nobody else writing them with me. So, quite often someone says, ‘we need to change this or add that and so on’ and you feel pressure to make creative decisions. But now, it’s just all me, staying up until 4am if I want, in order to perfect and craft songs.

Wow, that sounds busy! How do you ever unwind and let go of the stress that could come up?

Well, all I do is what I love doing anyway. The songwriting thing is so relaxing; you can sit there and watch TV, it’s a good process just sitting there and be creative all night long. It’s been digging up some old emotions! The show is called Fluid; it’s all about the fluidity of life, gender fluidity, fluid sexuality and all sorts of forms. The kind of work that I do is usually exciting and stimulating but when I have a day off, I usually lie in bed all night long, watch some TV or read a book or something like that. I love doing absolutely nothing, I’m extremely good at that when I get the chance!

Well, we’ve got that in common! So, which TV shows are you recommending then?

Oh, Pose Season 2. It’s on BBC iPlayer! It’s just, ‘Oh My God!’ In the first episode, I was already bawling like a baby; it’s just so beautiful and so tragic and yeah, it was amazing. I’ve been watching Strictly [Come Dancing], RuPaul’s Drag Race UK, and just reading lots of books on feminism and fluidity. I just read that great book, called ‘Mother Camp’. It’s about female impersonators in America, it was written a long time ago. It was super fascinating to read about drag and all that in such a pre-revolutionary era, and so many things were actually quite similar. It was really fascinating!

Sounds amazing! Good recommendations. Going back to work, how was the whole experience of Celebrity Big Brother? Congrats on winning!

Haha, I think when you win, all of it has been wonderful. If I hadn’t won, I’d probably be like ‘Oh, this happened, and oh god, that happened’. But I have really fond memories of it all. It was so wonderful because the reasons for me were mainly that I was sitting with people, talking to people respectfully – whether it was sexuality, or gender, very sensitive subjects which people tend to polarise. People, I think, just appreciated me and the conversations. That part of myself is one of my favourite things – talking to people and hopefully sharing my story, and hoping to bring understanding in times like these.

The interesting thing was when it came down to me and Ann Widdecombe who has literally voted against every single right against LGBTQ+ in all of her years in the Parliament, so basically everything that I stand for and that I am. She not only had a different opinion but literally legislated against queer people, women’s rights, the environment and more, all across the UK. And even though she had those views, we still remained civilised but, of course, distanced. It was kind of like a Brexit, Courtney vs Ann! Although I’m sure the actual Brexit is more important than me winning [laughs]. Let’s see if we even get the Brexit though!

Oh dear, let’s hope we won’t! You said you’re currently in London – considering you’re from Australia and have found major success in the States as well, what made you want to settle down in London for now?

I was living in the US for eight years, and although things might have been a little tumultuous over here in terms of politics and Brexit, it’s practically smooth sailing compared to Donald Trump and his administration. I lived there for eight years and loved the understanding that came to live in a country. We see the world through media and press, but I realised how much I really don’t know about the US at all. So living there, during an Obama era which was much nicer, I came to appreciate the US.

But then after Celebrity Big Brother, it was a calling to come here and I grew to love the country even more. The UK has a long-standing history of camp and queer and punk, and whereas there are posh institutions, there is also this other side that respectfully co-exists, which is all about diversity, and drag and queer identities in the media. You’ve got people like La Rue, Boy George, Graham Norton and so many more on UK television. Whereas in America, you are starting from the bottom and trying to educate people. Like I mentioned early, I’m going to the BBC to discuss politics. The US doesn’t have a broadcaster that is as dignified as the BBC and also, I would have never been invited at a broadcaster in America. Here, there is a respect and it’s not just about how sensational you are!

Gender equality, pride, drag and everything around it is starting to finally become recognized worldwide by everyone. People are getting woke. Why do you believe people who are not in this scene are only properly respecting it now, and not earlier?

I think there has been so much more visibility now. And visibility always leads to understanding. There are TV shows about drag and queer identity, which has made it really accessible to a wide audience. Drag Race is predominantly watched by females aged 16-35. That filters through. Sexual and gender revolution have been going on with the likes of Laverne Cox and Caitlyn Jenner for example. Caitlyn is a visible person and brought a lot to the conversation. I think this is really the first time that we’ve had some transmissibility around gender. The examples of people, like Laverne Cox, are just really interesting people and so public. Of course, there is still misinformation but there is a lot of conversation going on.

Even with RuPaul’s Drag Race – I keep reading about it all the time and people really seem to love it!

It’s such a fun show that celebrates identity, creativity and has drama that people love about reality TV in general. But there is a real hots for the show. The fashion and creativity elements make it belong to the fashion industry which makes it so cool. It’s just a brilliant celebration about drag and a middle finger to what society thinks of us.

How did your appearance on the show change the way people respond to you, in particular?

Drag Race Season 6, when I started out, aired in 2014 and I had been living in the US since 2011. I just started touring around the world and through the States. I was constantly performing and earning money. I’ve done shitty jobs in gay bars, don’t get me wrong, but then we decided to tour and perform in bigger venues. And when it came to the UK it became hugely popular. And during that time, I was performing in Edinburgh for the first time, and everyone came to see me because they watched Drag Race. And then I started working on so many things, and I feel like it really changed the global way people view drag, and I got to be a part of that.

Do people come up to you a lot and ask for photographs?

Yes, for sure! When I was in Bangkok with my ex-boyfriend last weekend, he was asking me the exact same question when we had lunch, literally! And then someone came up and asked, ‘Excuse me, are you Courtney Act?’, so I was like ‘Oh, perfectly timed, haha!’ Sometimes people just hug me, and I just hug back. And they are like ‘How are youuu, oh my god’ and I just go along. They’re usually respectful, but I have learned that I’m kind of public property in a gay bar – so I pick and choose where and when I go out! But I do get a lot of discounts and more, so it’s not all that bad [laughs]!

[Laughs] I bet!  

Live performances and being on TV must be two different things; you do both. Which one do you personally enjoy more and why?

They’re different. I love performing live, it’s so exciting and also easier. I did a Christmas special for Channel 4, and it was a big live show, but on TV. I love performing with a live band. I love honing and crafting, and finding out what the audience loves; it’s so gratifying.

Sounds like you are living your best life!

I kind of am! We had this offer for a big TV show in the States and I was so hoping it would happen, but then I was like ‘Meh, even if it won’t happen, I will still do my cabaret show and tour all around the world’. So, I’m doing what I love either way!

Besides your cabaret show, what else does your future hold?

Well, the music alongside the cabaret show is exciting because sometimes music in pop is sometimes pointless in a way. You put it out, a few people listen, and it costs a lot to make and create videos. But we are sort of packaging the music into my live show, so I’m excited to put my original music out.

Also, I have a different TV project that I’m working on. Also, I’m working on YouTube videos in which I want to discuss political topics and current affairs, sort of like a web series. It seems like a lot of people don’t know what is going on in the world, so I want to give them an understanding!”

Courtney’s interview for 1883 Magazine - November 26, 2019

[dear--charlie]

Dear Charlie,

It’s been awhile, right? I’ve decided to write you weekly letters, don’t know exactly why, but I really love your existence and knowing you’re here makes me feel better. I guess that’s why I’ve decide to do that.I don’t recall the last time I wrote you, I guess it was in the beginning of January. So let me apologize in advance for the long ass letter you’re about to get.

Today is Feb 22, the year has barely begun, I know. But Charlie, so many things already happened to me, and the best part of it? I’m actually okay ever since 2019 came around.

I’ve already told you Christmas is always a hard holiday for me, I don’t like it at all. Unfortunately it’s not only Christmas, this bad feeling lasts till february. So as soon as 2019 started, I was already expecting it to suck for the next couple month, but you know what? It didn’t. I hate the best New Year’s eve EVER. Me and my friends (15 of us) traveled to one of our friend’s house for three days and let me tell you, Charlie, ít was amazing, I really did had the time of my life. We got really drunk a few times, played smash, danced in the rain, cooked a lot of weird food and etc. I entered in 2019 on a great mood.

On the first week after New Year S came back to disturb my life. You remember her, right? The girl who broke my heart. She said she loved me very much and was thankful for me, cause I really did a lot for her and helped her through some thought moments of her life which is why she should have treated me better and a bunch of other shit. It made me mad, Charlie. It upset me how she could come back to the same “i’m sorry i love you” when I had said how much it hurt me, so the only thing I said was “pls don’t”. S obviously didn’t understand - like always - and started saying how amazing I was, how beautiful of a person I could be, that I deserved all the love in the world and bla bla bla. Honestly? I don’t believe in one single word that comes out of her mouth. Not after what she did to me, not after playing with my feeling like she did. I don’t know about you, Charlie, but I have a rant acc on twitter just to get things out of my chest and only 7 people know this acc. S was still one of them back in january. After the things she told me I tweeted “i’ve never wished this much to not know how to read like i’m wishing right now”. Oh boy, why did i ever do this. She started subtweeting me like a 12 yo child does, and i absolutely hate people that throw shade instead of talking there problems out, so I did what any decent mature person would do, I told her if she had something to say, she should say it to me, not subtweet me.

Whenever I’m too overwhelmed I can’t help but switch from english to my mother language so i started tweeting in my first language about mYSELF and clearly she had to make it about herself, distort everything - she was stupid enough to use google translate - and make herself the victim like she always does. The thing is, Charlie, that I no longer liked her, I still loved her, don’t get me wrong, but i didn’t liked her anymore. She was bad for me, she was one of the most toxic things in my life AND I KNEW IT, so I didn’t fall for her charms again, I didn’t feel bad for what I said. And you know what? She managed to try to make people believe our friend had turned me against her - she was being a bitch with this friend and even if I never take sides, this time I took our friends because S really did fucked up - and all my posts were about her. Once again the Cinderella complex strikes and she made the whole situation about herself. Well, to finish the telenovela, she blocked me. I don’t know why but the instant right after S blocked me I felt the weight of the whole world get off of my shoulders. I didn’t cry, didn’t feel any kind of sadness. Nothing. Just relief. That’s when I realized I needed to get her out of my life in every single way, so I shut her down, deleted her from every social media, deleted her number and moved on. You can never imagine how happy and relieved I felt, Charlie. I have no idea what’s going on with her life now and I hope I don’t get to cross paths with her ever again. I’m happy without her.

A few weeks after the drama with S, I realized that I was looking forward to celebrate my birthday. Do you understand that, Charlie? The first time I was excited for my birthday ever since my mom passed. I was literally making a countdown for Feb 12. I had hated my birthday for 4 years, Charlie. It was a time of the year where I would shut myself in my room and endlessly cry cause my mom wasn’t there and three days after that day it would be her death anniversary. Yes, my mom passed away three day after my birthday. I spent that birthday cleaning her vomit and helping her taking one of her lasts showers. You can imagine why I hated this date so much. So I also think you can understand a bit why it meant so much to me to finally feel okay to celebrate it. Charlie, my boy, it was the best week of the year. I went out four times with my friends, got a lot of free food and booze, the most horrible cake ever - i loved it tho -, a ridiculous birthday card with a BTS edit (yeah i do like kpop fuck it)  where they were at a birthday party with me and tons of baby alive dolls - it was so fucking creepy but i also love it -, got the news that I was traveling to go to my two favorite bands concert (The Maine and BTS), had my therapist tell me I was looking bright and happy for the first time in years and some other things. My birthday’s week was truly amazing, I didn’t even cry on my mom’s death anniversary, I was happy on that day.

I don’t exactly remember when this happened, but my uncle came out to me. I’ve always knew he was gay because he came out to my mom in 2012 (the only person that knew in our family)  and she told me about it, but I never asked him cause I knew he would do it when he felt comfortable enough. I took the chance and came out to him as well, which was funny since he was zero surprised like every single one of my friends. He also told me he started doing drag!!! I got so excited when he showed me his pictures in drag and boy, listen, my uncle’s drag is fucking gorgeous. I told him about RuPaul’s Drag Race and we spent that day watching it together. We bounded so much more after this day, Charlie. He made sure to let me know I wasn’t alone, I wasn’t supposed to fight through life by myself cause he was there for me and would always be there. I love him for being my only family that makes me feel safe and loved.

Well, Charlie, that was a bit of what happened after my last letter to you. I’m sorry for the giant letter and the typos, but I wanted to let you know that I’m finally okay. Life has been pretty good to me, I’ve been surrounded by people I love and love me back and I think that’s good enough for now. I hope 2019 be good to you just like it’s being to me. I’m extremely grateful for your life, Charlie. Thank you for always listening.

Love Always,

Bia.

[starredlight]

My thoughts on the RuPaul’s Drag Race: All Stars 4 cast.

Okay, so i know i’m kinda late on this, but hey: better late than never. In this post i’m gonna talk about my thoughts about the All Stars 4 cast. What i expect from the queens, what i thought of them on their original season and since, and some more. I’m really excited about All Stars 4 because i feel like this is a strong cast and will definitely top All Stars 3.

Trinity The Tuck: If you haven’t guessed it already by my profile picture, i’m SO ready for miss Tuck to come back and murder the competition. I was a BIG fan of Trinity on Season 9, i thought she was hilarious and she was pretty much the only one who wasn’t always cute and sweet and all sisterhood, which i really liked. I really like Trinity’s style, anyone who knows me knows i’m a sucker for pageant drag, but i feel like Trinity keeps it modern and doesn’t always rely on that pageant look. Like the big hair, jewelry, etcetera. She keeps it fresh, which i really really love. She has such a fun personality and really suprised me in how good of an actress she can be. With her highlight being Mary Coont ofcourse, that shit was amazing. I’m extremely excited for Trinity, i’m rooting for her the most and i hope she wins!

Monique Heart: Well... our brown cow stunning queen is back! Monique is my second place as in who i’m rooting for the most, because she conquered my heart with her amazing bright personality and her loudness. I adore Monique, she is exactly what i want in a drag queen: loud, obnoxious and overall so fun to watch. I still believe she should have won the first challenge on Season 10, and i stand by it. Monique was very underrated on her season and i’m PRAYING that she wins atleast 1 challenge on All Stars, because she deserves it so much. I can’t wait to see what she is gonna do this season!

Naomi Smalls: If there was one girl who has been serving looks lately, it’s been Naomi. She is KILLING it at the visual game and has been delivering constantly. On season 8, i wasn’t necessarily the biggest fan of Naomi (not in the sense that i didn’t like her, there were just other people i was rooting for more). But i can’t deny that she is incredibly pretty and was serving look after look on the runway. Her paper look for the Book Ball AND her scarecrow look for the makeover were both amazing. I feel like Naomi has a big chance of winning, since she is an amazing visual queen, came top 3 on her season and is also not that bad at acting. She is definitely a huge threat and i’m excited to see what she is gonna deliver this season.

Valentina: I have been saying ever since the cast of All Stars 4 got ‘’leaked’’ on Reddit, that Valentina is gonna win. And i stand by it. Reason being is that she left the biggest impact on her season, has the biggest fanbase of all the contestants this year (however you could argue that Naomi does too, if you count Instagram followers). And plus, she has something to prove after the whole maskgate thing. I feel like she could have the best storyline on All Stars 4, and could very well end up winning. Now in terms of what i think of her: i like Valentina, i like her style, i like her ‘’dramatic’’ personality and i think she is absolutely gorgeous and really well-rounded for someone who hasn’t been doing drag for a long time. I think Valentina will be a huge threat for the other girls and i think she will make it very far!

Manila Luzon: The top 2 of season 3 was the closest top 2 in RuPaul’s Drag Race herstory. Raja and Manila pretty much performed the same all through-out the season, so it’s arguable that Manila, out of all the contestants ever, deserves a title and a crown the most. So when she was speculated (and later announced) to be on All Stars 4, i was extremely happy. I don’t care that was already on All Stars 1, cause let’s be honest here: that season was a hot boo boo mess and we all know it. I’m SO excited for Manila to come back. She has so much up her sleeve and is so talented in so many ways. She is campy, polished, glamarous, fun, weird, stupid and ridiculous all at the same time. She WILL BE a very big threat to the other girls, and i believe that Manila will make it very far and possibly even win. I’m so fricking excited for this bitch to kill us all.

Latrice Royale: I can’t think of anyone who doesn’t like Latrice. How can you not like her? We all know that she is the Oprah Winfrey of drag, it’s the truth. Latrice is hilarious, warm, sweet and so incredibly charismatic and charming. I could hear her laugh on a loop for 5 hours and i would still not get sick of it! I love Latrice. Same with Manila, she deserves another chance after that hot mess that was AS1. I think Latrice has all the qualities to make it far, but the only thing i’m concerned about is if she will stand her ground amongst the other competitors. This cast has a lot of strong queens, which makes me afraid that Latrice might fade in the background when it comes to the challenges. I hope i’m wrong, cause i really want her to make it far, so i’m curious to see what’s gonna happen!

Monét X Change: Our sponge queen is back! When Monét was speculated/announced for All Stars 4, i was not suprised at all. Monét was arguably one of the strongest queens on Season 10, and should atleast have won Breastworld or the Cher challenge. Now, i am gonna admit: i’m not THAT big of a fan of Monét. I don’t dislike her at all, but it’s just that i had other queens on Season 10 that i was rooting for more, and she kinda faded in the background for me a little bit. I was just always like: ‘Oh yeah, Monét is there too.’. Ofcourse i hope i get flabbergasted by Monét this season, and that she murders the competition and completely changes my opinion about her. Because she definitely deserves to go very far! And i think she will. She can act, she can sing, she can lip sync, she can dance. She has everything to make it to the top. Good luck Monét!

Gia Gunn: Gia is hilarious. Gia was THE catchphrase queen of Season 6. Good god, i love her. And she is looking absolutely S T U N N I N G these days. On the All Stars 4 press tour photos, she is pretty much the standout queen. I’m so proud of Gia for coming out as transgender and really owning who she is. I’m glad that her transitioning is going so well, i wish her nothing but good things. I definitely think Gia could be a potential dark horse. She has some things up her sleeve that we might not know about, and she might suprise us and actually win some challenges, who knows? I definitely think Gia is an interesting addition to this cast, and i’m excited to see what she is gonna bring.

Jasmine Masters: Y E S! YES. YES. I LOVE, no, i ADORE Jasmine. Her coming back is the right decision, because more Jasmine on my tv? HELL YES! Jasmine is so smart, so funny and so charismatic. She always says what she thinks and i love her for that. She is definitely the meme queen of RPDR and there is no other queen who deserves that title more than her. I’m excited to see what Jasmine is gonna bring. She was an early out on Season 7, and this is a very strong cast, so i’m kinda worried for her. But maybe we’ll get suprised and she’ll completely blow us away this season, who knows.

Farrah Moan: Now, without trying to come across as hateful: Farrah is the queen i’m least excited about. I’m happy for her that she is getting another chance to show what she has to offer, but i kinda feel like what we saw of Farrah on Season 9 was just all she had. She is pretty, has a good sense of style but i just kinda feel like that is it. She doesn’t really have comedic timing, is not a fantastic actress, she doesn’t sing, and her lipsyncs are only okay to me. I hope i’m proved wrong, but i kinda feel like Farrah will be an early out. But like i said, i’m happy for her she is getting another chance!

Okay wow, that were some long ass thoughts. If you made it this far, thank you so much, you’re awesome. Let me know what your thoughts are on the cast, and who are you rooting for the most?

xoxo

[bugheadfamily]

Bughead Family Discord Member Spotlight

This Halloween week the spotlight is on our spooky admin, Tori ( @tory-b  )! Click the read more link below to get to know our member!

Spotlight by Mila, @jughead-jones | Graphic by Katie, @betty-cooper

Tori | @tory-b

Name: Tory or Tori

Age: 21 (but only for a few more months!)

Location: Western US

Any other languages aside from English people can contact you in?: I can read basic Japanese and German. I won’t be able to communicate well but I have like some understanding. (I’m just really bad at languages I’m sorry universe, i want to be good at them)

Favourite Riverdale characters and ships?: BUGHEAD! Jughead Jone is my son, I love that boy. But I’m also a big Archie girl you know? Like just in the ‘he is my big dumb son and he just needs to be protected at all costs.’ I’d probably kill for a Jarchie person.

Favourite moments from S1 & S2?: There are so many it makes it hard to choose from you know? But S1: the iconic “hey there, Juliet, nurse off duty” is just like…so cheesy and soft it makes it hard to not just be utterly in love with that big dork. S2: When Archie cuts Jughead’s chains in front of the building, and they have that shot where the chains are falling away and he looks just like a fucking mythical fallen angel. That moment is so powerful between the boys, but it’s also just such a beautiful image on screen. Like Riverdale’s cinematography is eh on the best of days but in that moment like wow just absolutely WOW

What are your hopes for S3?: All my hopes and dreams look like they’re coming true and I could cry. Betty has a therapist! Bughead is investigating! Josie is getting more SCREEN TIME. I really do want more Cheryl/Betty friendship moments but I’m not sure if we’ll get them. I’d also love a Jug/Cheryl friendship moment. Also if we could get our Jarchie kiss.

Other fandoms you’re into?: I was in the Miraculous Ladybug fandom for a little while, and the Voltron fandom for some time after that. I just kind of commit to like one fandom or I’ll be dead.

What are some of your favourite movies/TV?: My other go-to show right now (I’ve been rewatching) is RuPaul’s Drag Race because I’m Reality TV Trash. My favorite movie is tricky. I always tell my mom that I don’t watch many movies because I like that TV can show longer more complex plots than movies.

Favourite books?: Fever 1793 was my favorite growing up and sometimes I’ll still read through and cry like a fucking baby even though I know how it goes. I love historical fiction. BUT my absolute FAVORITE book is Crime and Punishment by Dostoevsky.

Favourite bands/musicians?: It is I, your friendly admin hipster who has a lot of vinyl, and my fave bands are Panic! At the Disco, Walk the Moon, and the 1975. Also I listen to an absurd amount of broadway musicals because I’m a theatre nerd through and through.

If you could live in any fictional world which one would you choose and why?: I was gonna say Riverdale but I don’t want to chances of me getting murdered to jump up to an absurd amount. I’m small and meek I’d die like Midge. Maybe the Miraculous Ladybug’s Paris because it’s soft and even if I get turned into a bad guy no one hates me and I get a cool costume.

Favourite food?: Strawberries! Specifically Strawberry Shortcake but anything with strawberries on it.

Favourite season?: Winter or Fall! Spring is amazing but it makes me sneeze because allergies.

Favourite plant?: Sunflowers!

Favourite scent?: Lime! It’s clean and fresh.

Favourite colour?: Pastels. Pink, blue, yellow!

Favourite animal?: Doggos! (I’d say cats but i’m terribly allergic to cats even though I love them).

Are you a night owl, an early bird, or a vampire?: My sleep schedule is garbage. I am a night owl who works early morning shifts and is forced to be an early bird.

Place you want to visit?: I want to visit more of europe, specifically France, see more of England, and very much Japan!

Do you have pets? If you do, tell us a little about them: I do have pets! I’ve got my sweet little Poppy. She’s a rescue mutt who I got on my 13th birthday. She’s probably 11-12 right now but none of us have an idea. She’s so soft and beautiful but she is absolutely a little bitch. I go to college so whenever I come home for holidays, she stares at me like I’ve just utterly offended her and turns away. She’s a Princess who is utterly spoiled.

Tell us a little about yourself?: Oh gosh. I’m not sure what to say in this really. I’m graduating a semester early with a double major in Psychology and Anthropology, which I think is really cool, even though I have no idea what I’m going to do with that frankly. I moved a lot growing up because my mom can’t stay still. I’ve got this skin condition called vitiligo so lots of my body doesn’t have pigment!

Fun or weird fact about you?: I can’t properly scowl. Like bring my eyebrows together. I have no idea why.

Asks for fanfic authors:

How long have you been writing?: Oh gosh. So I’ve been writing in notebooks since I was like 5, but I posted my first ever fanfiction (did you mean that Harry Potter fic I posted that I like to ignore?) when I was 10 or 11? I quit writing publicly from about 12 until…I was like 20?

Which is your favourite of the fics you’ve written?: One Last Chance. It was 12k of really just emotional catharsis. I cried while writing it and it just felt so good to write it. Whenever I read it I just smile because I think ‘wow i can’t believe I’m the person who wrote this’.

Favourite fic/chapter/plot-point/character you’ve ever written?: The plot points in What Happened on Elm Street are my favorite because they’re so twisty and turny!

Which was the hardest to write, and why?: What Happened on Elm Street is very difficult to write for me. It’s super complex and I can only give away a little at a time to keep some of the mystery in it. So I have to think a lot for each word I write.

How do you come up with the ideas for you fic(s)? (examples: Do you draw inspiration from real life? Listen to music? Get inspired by TV/movies?) Do you have an process to your writing?: It’s a combination of everything! It’s real life in some ways, like my college experiences, or with songs, like my oneshot I Hate Love Songs! It all depends. Sometimes it just comes to me, like I’ll be watching a movie and I go ‘yes!’.

Idea that you always wanted to write?: A Zombie Apocalypse AU. SO BADLY. But I don’t think it would be very popular, so I always sort of hang back and don’t write it even though I kind of have the first chapter of a WIP written for it. I just love that kind of angst and fear.

Favourite character to write?: Cheryl fucking Blossom. She is just…I love writing all her wittiness! Also apparently Jughead? Since all of my writing has been through Jughead’s POV lately.

Best comment/review you’ve ever received?: So I received a comment on the first chapter of 101 Ways and it was just “DOGGIES” which made me laugh out loud> I also had someone (her name is Cat, she’s an admin, not sure if you’ve heard of her) tell me she cried into her Taco Bell reading One Last Chance. That was iconic.

Best and worst parts of being a writer?: Best parts are absolutely getting to stretch my creativity. I have a lot of ideas and writing is just such a cathartic thing for me. Writing makes me feel unburdened and free and that means a lot to me. I use my writing to cope with some of my anxiety and depression, because I feel good about words and how well I can manipulate them. Worst: That fear. That constant fear of not being enough. Of not being as good. Of comparison. It comes with fandom culture I think, this need to compare yourself to other people. I don’t ever mean to do it, but I can feel it happening sometimes. I love being able to learn from other writers by reading things and being encouraged to experiment, but perhaps it’s just who I am but I do have a problem with comparison.

Do you have any advice to offer?: Experiment experiment experiment! If you like something in another person’s writing, like a certain style, how they use metaphors, etc, there’s nothing wrong with adopting things you like and evolving you're writing based on what you like to read. It’s so important to keep changing and evolving and the only way you can do that is by trying new things!

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This is the fifteenth instalment of Bughead Family’s Member Spotlight series. Each week, a member’s url is selected through a randomizer and they will be featured in a spotlight post. In order to participate, please join the Bughead Discord (more information found here). Thank you.

[nedraggett]

Thoughts on 2018

No need for me to be fancier than that!  And yeah I realize that nobody should be using Tumblr any more but until I figure out a proper revive of my old Wordpress site, this will do for now.

So anyway: I wrote this up for a private email list reflecting on the end of the year in terms of things I especially enjoyed culturally. Well, why not share it?

My year went very well — steady at work and in life, being 47 means more aches and pains but you have to learn to live with it.  The state of the world is something else again of course and we need not spend more time on the blazingly obvious.  That said, the history bug in me has been constantly intrigued by the slow drip of the investigations (and revelations) and were it all fiction, I’d be thoroughly enthralled instead of quietly apprehensive, of course.  November did provide some partial relief on that front so bring on the new year.  In terms of my own written work, nothing quite equalled my heart/soul going into last year’s Algiers feature for NPR, but my two big Quietus pieces this year — on Gary Numan’s Dance  and Ralph Bakshi’s Lord of the Rings  — were treats to write, while my presentation on the too-obscure Billy Mackenzie at PopCon was a great experience.

In terms of music this has been one of the most concert-heavy years I’ve spent.  Even having moved to SF in 2015 I only did the occasional show every so often — there was so much going on (even in a local scene lots of long-timers say has been irrevocably changed) that I was almost spoiled for choice, and part of me also just wanted to relax most nights.  But deaths like Prince’s and Bowie’s among many others served as a reminder that there’s no such thing as forever, and you never know what the last chance will be.  More veteran acts than younger ones in the end for me — greatest missed concert regrets this year included serpentwithfeet, Lizzo, Perfume Genius and Emma Ruth Rundle among the younger acts, while being ill when Orbital came through will be a lingering annoyance, still having never seen them live.  But the huge amount of shows I did see outweighed that, ranging from big arena stops like Fleetwood Mac to celebratory open-air free shows like Mexican Institute of Sound to small club sets by folks like Kinski, Six Organs of Admittance, Kimbra and many more, including, for the first time in years, a show in the UK, specifically a great performance by Roddy Frame of Aztec Camera.  If I absolutely had to grade my top picks among shows, Cruel Diagonals, Johnny Marr, Wye Oak, Peter Brotzmann/Keiji Haino, John Zorn/Terry Riley/Laurie Anderson, Laurie Anderson again separately, Nine Inch Nails, VNV Nation, Jarvis Cocker, Beak and, in terms of no real expectations turning into utter delight and thrills, a brilliant set by Lesley Rankine under her Ruby guise, with Martin Atkins on drums.  Best damn combination of righteous ire, hilarious raconteurism and compelling, unique approaches to how performance can work I’d seen in a while.  (As for recorded music in general, uh, endless?)

TV, as ever a bit sporadic, with a few things on my to-do list — still need to catch The Terror for sure, and what I saw of The Alienist looked good; I love both books so I need to see how it all worked out, similarly with the just-dropped version of Watership Down.  Pose I definitely need to catch up with since it sounds like Ryan Murphy stood out of the way to let the best possible team do the business on it, but my real unexpected delight of a show this year was also Murphy-based, American Crime Story: The Assassination of Gianni Versace.  While not down the line perfect, it was absolutely more compelling than not, and in fact at its best was a shuddering combination of amazing music cue choices, a reverse structure that helped undercut any attempt at making Cunanan seem sympathetic or an antihero, and, at its considerable best, a ratcheting up of terror and horror that a friend said was almost Kubrickian, and I would have to agree.  And, frankly, Darren Criss really did the business as Cunanan, a controlled and powerful turn. Only a few of us seemed to be following it at the time, but when it scored all those Emmys, then while it was as much a reflection of Murphy’s status, it honestly felt well deserved.  Meantime, you’ll pry my addiction to all the RuPaul’s Drag Race incarnations from my cold dead hands but it’s the amazing online series that Trixie Mattel and Katya do, UNHhhh, which remains my comedy highlight of the year, with at least a few jaw-dropping/seize up laughing every episode. (Kudos as well for Brad Jones’s The Cinema Snob, ten years running online and still funny as fuck while digging up all kinds of cinematic horrors.) Also, tying back into music a bit, late recommendation for something you can only see on UK TV/streaming so far, but get yourself a VPN and seek out Bros: After the Screaming Stops, in which the two brothers in the late-80s monster hit pop band Bros (never had any traction here but pretty much owned the entire Commonwealth and beyond) try for a comeback.  It’s an unintentionally hilarious and harrowing portrait of two twins who have a LOT of issues, have clearly been through a LOT of therapy, but are still…not quite there.  UK friends said it was a combination of Spinal Tap, Alan Partridge and David Brent and they were ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. 

Movies, less specifically to choose from — I remain an essentially sporadic populist when it comes to what I see in theaters, but I can say for sure that Spider-man: Into the Spiderverse is a hell of a thing and will almost certainly prove to be a real year-zero moment down the line.  Possibly the most affecting watch was Bohemian Rhapsody, in that I also saw this in the UK — in Brighton, which besides making me think of the band’s song “Brighton Rock” is also notably the country’s most LGBT-friendly city; those I was with felt the movie’s themes, successes and flaws/elisions deeply, and the constant discussion of it for the next few days was very rewarding. As for books, John Carreyrou’s Bad Blood, delving into Theranos and the amoral duo behind it, was properly enraging and compelling, while Beth Macy’s Dopesick, if not perfect, nonetheless adds to the good literature on the opioid crisis, while as ever indirectly calling into question who’s getting the focus and care now as opposed to in earlier times and places. My favorite music publications as such probably remain the two I most regularly write for, The Quietus and Daily Bandcamp, while Ugly Things is the print publication that I most look forward to with each issue, and am never disappointed. 

Podcasts now consist of a lot of my regular cultural engagement, kinda obvious but nonetheless true.  Long running faves include My Favorite Murder — Karen and Georgia are an amazing comedy team who have figured out how to reinterpret their anxieties in new ways — The Vanished, which at its best often casts a piercing eye on how official indifference from law enforcement is almost as destructive as their more obvious abuses (recent discovery The Fall Line does this as well, even more explicitly), Karina Longworth’s constantly revelatory Hollywood histories You Must Remember This, Patrick Wyman’s enjoyable history dives on Tides of History, my friend Chris Molanphy’s constantly excellent investigations into music chart history Hit Parade, the great weekly movie chats by MST3K vets Frank Conniff and Trace Beaulieu along with Carolina Hidalgo on Movie Sign With the Mads, and The Age of Napoleon, which really has hit my history wonk sweet spot.  New to me this year was It’s Just a Show,  a really wonderful episode by episode — but not in exact order — deep dive into every episode of MST3K ever, by two fun and thoughtful Canadian folks, Adam Clarke and Beth Martin. (Adam also cohosts a new podcast, A Part of Our Scare-itage, specifically looking at Canadian horror. It’s not just Cronenberg!). Among the excellent one-off series this year: American Fiasco by Men in Blazers’ Roger Bennett on the failed US World Cup attempt in 1998, Dear Franklin Jones, a story about the narrator’s experience growing up in a California cult and how his parents came to be followers in the first place, and the Boston Globe’s Gladiator, their audio accompaniment to their in-depth story of the life and ultimate fate of Aaron Hernandez. Finally, totally new series this year that quickly got added to my regular listening: American Grift, a casual and chatty look at various scams and schemes, overseen by Oriana Schwindt, The Eurowhat?, a running look at the Eurovision competition throughout the year from the perspective of two American fans, and The Ace Records Podcast, an often engaging series of one-off interviews with various musicians, fans and so forth by UK writer Pete Paphides (I highly recommend the interviews with Jon Savage and Sheila B). Hands down my two favorite totally new podcasts of the year were The Dream, a more formal story of American grifting in general hosted by Jane Marie — this first season’s focus was on multilevel marketing, and Marie and company’s careful way of seemingly backing into the larger story makes it all the more compelling and ultimately infuriating, especially in the current political climate — and the hilarious Race Chasers, a RuPaul’s Drag Race-celebrating podcast by two veterans of the show, Alaska and Willam, loaded with all kinds of fun, behind the scenes stuff, guests and an easy casualness from two pros that strikes the perfect balance between going through things and just shooting the shit.  Returning podcast I’m most looking forward to next year: the second season of Cocaine and Rhinestones, hands down.  Check out the first season for sure.

And there ya go!  Keep fighting all your respective good fights.

[eorzeasntm]

ENTM Tumblr Cycle 10 Round 8 Results

For the final round this cycle, I asked the models to show off their All Saint’s Wake costumes!  The usual cosplay round rules were thrown out and our models could go for something spooky on their own, or pick a more well known costume to wear. 

The models all picked some great costumes, but the winner of our All Saint’s Wake costume contest this year was:

Nadede Lasalle!

What a fun way to finish out the cycle!  The judges felt your costume, composition, and pose were all in perfect keeping with your inspiration source.

Since this was the last round of the cycle, this was our model’s last chance to earn points for the final tally.

To the cast of Cycle 10:  You all have been the friendliest, most honest and fun cast that I’ve worked with yet (including all the times I’ve competed and judged) and I’m so glad that all of you have participated.  Everyone is welcome to audition again for future cycles, and to continue sharing the love on the ENTM Discord. 

You are also the final Tumblr Cycle to crown a “top model” - and that winner will be announced shortly here on Tumblr! 

In the meantime, our judges have the final set of critiques as well as parting words for the models below.

Judge Kusuh

To start: All of you, great job this cycle. This is my first time judging an ENTM cycle and it has been a wonderful experience made even better by the talent and hardworking attitudes you all posses. Do me a favor and look back at the first shot you submitted to this cycle, and now look at your final. I guarantee that you will see a very noticeable difference between that shot and the current one. Every single one of you should be proud of what you've learned and accomplished. I hope to see all in future cycles of ENTM, or at least on the discord! Now! On to the final critiques:

Adam: Starting off, this image gives me some very creepy vibes. This is not someone I would want to encounter anywhere that wasn't well-lit, and even then I would hesitate. Monotone was an excellent filter choice here, as it gives off a spooky night aesthetic. Your facial expression is also top notch, as well as your choice of location. I....honestly don't have a lot of nitpicks this week for you. The simplicity of the shot is its greatest strength, but if I had to nitpick (which I do) I'd say that the simplicity of the shot is also its greatest weakness. Remember, when there is not a lot going on in the shot, the background becomes that much more important. You choice of area was excellent, but my eyes are drawn away from you after the initial shock, and are drawn up to the floating tower in the background. I'm left wondering, why is that there? Just something to keep in mind. Your shots these past weeks have always been something I look forward to, and I was always interested to see what new take on a theme you came up with. Great job, and I can't wait to see where you go with your new skills!

Chee: This is hands down the most accurate Lara Croft cosplay I have seen in game, and I have to give you immediate props for nailing the look! Your choice of location was also great! I rarely seen Qarn used as a "ruins" area and I think that's a shame- it's got such great potential! Your action pose does well to pay tribute to the Tomb Raider herself; you look like you're on a very dangerous mission and are ready to kick and shoot anyone in your way. Here's my parting suggestion for this image: you've got a great angle for capturing and framing dynamic poses, now it's time to play with zoom and lens length. In gpose, the scroll zoom and the camera zoom you adjust in the menu are two different things, and that can lead to some really interesting looks! For example, with a similar pose, set the menu zoom to 0, and then zoom all the way in with the regular zoom. This will set you up for a very movie-like dynamic shot by messing with the perspective. It's really hard to describe in text, though, so I can only encourage you to go give it a shot! Your shots each week have always been true works of screenshot art, and you really push what can be done within the bounds of the gpose system, making it seem limitless. Keep it up in your future works!

Lantis: Can't. Stop. Showing. This. Screenshot. To. Everyone! Seriously. I love the dance posing the most, it really gives the sense of this being an action pose, and that I'm actually looking at a still frame in a music video. You've also done well to make sure you stand out compared to your extras by making sure that their outfits don't outshine yours. The film grain filter was also a good touch as a callback to the original music video. You went above and beyond with your commitment to the source material, you didn't just use the outfit, you made sure everything matched! Here's my final suggestion for this image: you are still pretty dark for being the star of this show! Very closely placed lights at a low level should be enough to spotlight you while keeping your backup dancers out of the limelight. You've improved so much over the past few weeks, you're clearly listening to what all the judges have had to say. Keep taking screenshots and keep showing the world what you can do!

And now, here are my parting words for all the models:

Nadede:You are another one who always brings unique takes on the theme each week, and it's always amazing to see! You've really nailed the background effects with this filter, and you clearly have an eye for the small details! Ni'ko: Never ever did I expect to see someone cosplay RuPaul! You are excellent at making sure your shots have a story and drawing the viewer into the world you have created. Keep it up!

Lily:Every week you've had your shots planned out to the finest point and detail, and this week is no exception! Be very proud of what you do, and keep using that attention to detail to make your shots even stronger and you grow!

Cowbot: You've legit surprised me every week! Each week you've stepped up to the challenge and grown from your critiques. You know how to take advice and apply it immediately. This shot is 100% the crown jewel of your growth over this cycle, and you should be very proud. James:You are one of the models that also pays very close attention to the story you are telling, and each shot brings a smile to my face, and you always know how to hit the mark for a great stab of emotion or feeling in your shots. Keep going and sharing what you have!

Ysildor: You have an amazing eye for framing and poses. I can always tell at a glance what each character is feeling, and what the overall "mood" of a shot is. You always make excellent use of the space you're given, and that's a skill that has only grown in these past weeks. I'm looking forward to the future!

Azalea:You're another model who has improved by leaps and bounds this cycle! Every week I would look at a shot and instantly see that you took your suggestions from last week and put them to work! Be proud of how far you've come, and use that momentum to keep going further!

Wren:You have a knack for unique takes on the themes given. Over this competition, I can see that you've put yourself outside your comfort zone to really make your shots pop and move to the next level! Thank you for sharing your work this cycle!

Haila:You have a sense of artistry in each of your shots that I feel can only come from lots of practice and work. Each shot looks like it has taken weeks to perfect, way before the theme list was announced! Like everyone else, you can only go up from here. Thank you for coming to this cycle to join the ENTM community. Rymm: You are another model I would like to praise for always applying your critiques each week! Your shots always have an excellent sense of mood and a great execution of technique. You've improved so much over the past few weeks, great job!

Ona: You have shown a drive and willingness to improve at a level I haven't seen in a long time! You got where you are by the amount of hard work you have taken each week into improving yourself and your techniques. That drive is only going to make you stronger, so keep it up!

Judge Rongi Pongi

Cowbot:  You've produced some of your best shots in this cycle for sure. Rounds 2, 4, and 8 were a stand out for you! I know you struggle with your size as a lalafel, so definitely work on zooming in on your character to really boost their presence. In a lot of rounds this cycle you were just too far away from the camera. Your focus on scenery and background though shows that you know how to take a strong screen shot! You just need to work on the most important aspect of the screenshot (for this type of competition) which is you! Definitely look into cycles past, and study how your fellow lalafel take screenshots! I think you have a real passion for this, and you take every critique and use it to grow. I am excited to see you again in future cycles! Good luck!

James: Throughout the cycle you've shown that you have a knack for setting up scenes and balancing them within the frame of your shots. Round 1, 3, 4, 5, 7 and 8 's compositions were really great. I wish we had seen more of that in your other rounds as well. I'm not sure if you were using a certain filter during the first half of the cycle, but it gave all your shots this light and airy dream color that made your images less sharp than your competitors. Your Round 7 shot was SHARP! This round 8 shot just didn't scream creepy or halloween to me, so definitely watch your theme-matching! If you compete in future cycles, I'd watch your use of filters and background choices. With your ability to set up scenes, I think you can go really far. Good luck! 

Wren: I love unexpected cosplays like this one and not only is the outfit choice perfect, but the location is as well. One of my favorite shots of the week. Amazing way to end the cycle! Over the course of the cycle, you really hid your face a lot using abilities and a backshot. We finally saw your face clearly in Round 4, but in Round 5 it was concealed again. It wasn't until Rounds 6, 7, and 8 that you started zooming in on your face. I really wish you had done so sooner! In those rounds, your shots were some of my favorites. Looking at them all together at once, you are doing almost the same expression in each one, so I would watch out for that in the future. If you ever compete again, don't be camera shy! When you zoom in on your character you really shine! Maybe you are more into ability shots that show off the flashly abilities, but save those for action/battle rounds that specifically call for them. I hope we see you again in future cycles because I see a lot of potential! These last 3 weeks showed that. Good luck in the future!!

Judge Vederah

Halia:   From a glamour-build standpoint, the main pieces you chose to recreate Scathach Skadi we're top notch. I love that you seemed to have kept the overall design structure in mind when selecting the pieces (i.e. the high neckline, slightly off shoulder, and vertical stripes of the top with the criscross pattern in the boots.) From a screenshot perspective, however, this image fell a little short for me.  If you intend on showcasing the glamour, you cannot allow any part of it to be cropped. All it would've taken is the camera to be pulled out further away from the character for us to really get a good look at this glam in all its splendor. It would've been one thing if the backdrop was very plain or would've taken away from the image- but I almost like the background as much as I do the cosplay. I just wish you would've let us see more of it. Nadede: There's a tricky balance when it comes to in game cosplay. You have to pick elements of the character's outfit that you find the most important to replicate and allow yourself to compromise on some things while working with the vast (but limited) glamour options within this game.  I think the choice of chest piece for this was perfect. We've got the high neckline with the slits along the thighs- two features this look would have to have. Personal preference would've rathered the lace details on the thigh-highs that you'd get from the Songbird skirt since there are so few items in this game that have actual lace on them. But as I said that's strictly just personal preference.  Screenshot composition here is just as nice as the glam. I love that the character is in action without being muddied by too many spell graphics. I love the neutral color scheme and the lighting--- and that pencil  effect really worked in your favor here. The image itself looks like it came from actual game concept art. Really visually interesting.

Judge M (missing)

Judge Kai

To all models: It has been a pleasure to look over your images every week, seeing how you improve from week to week, and you have!

Ni'ko, I love your tendency for a bright pop of color and feel like this last image was so very you!

Cowbot, you get better and better every time I see your images and it really looks like you have a lot of fun!

Wren, I loved seeing you go from far away shots to closer shots that showed the beauty of your character!

Haila, you have such interesting and dynamic shots. From your dark and stormy to this week, I love seeing your ideas!

Azalea, I feel like you're always pushing to create something beautiful and interesting and it pays off!

Lantis, you do an amazing job with your action shots, and I loved seeing them week after week! Definitely a strength!

James, I loved some of the ideas you came up with this cycle, and will say your summoning one was a favorite of mine!

Chee, you do a great job at changing the mood and feel of your images from week to week. Always excited to see what you'll do!

Adam, you impress me from week to week with the ideas you come up with, and ever shot just seems to get better and better!

As for my critiques:

Lily: First off, I love this game and I'm happy you did it. I think this is a great shot, and I love how it's almost scene for scene the same as the game! From the outfit to the enemy wandering away, you have done a great job fitting every little nuisance into this image. I mean, seriously, you even have the pose and that is a commitment to detail! It could have been a touch brighter, but overall great job! It's been fun looking over all of your images this cycle, and thank you for all of your lovely shots!

Ona: This is lovely, and while I knew what you were going for, the quote just nailed it home! I love the lighting in this, it reminds me of moonlight filtering throughout the room. I also love how lost and worried your character looks. it was perfect for setting the scene. I'll admit I didn't see the wolf at first, but when I blew it up to really look it over I had to giggle! This is a great shot, and I think you did a wonderful job! Thank you for being part of this cycle, it's been a pleasure!

Ysildor: I really love this game, and I found it amusing that two different models did the same game, and gave to totally different feels. From the background lighting to the set up of the scene, I think you did a great job overall with this image! I do which that you were turned a bit more to the camera so we saw you a bit better, but the feelings I get from this image are amazing. I've seen you improve throughout this cycle, and to me, this is your best one yet! Great job and thank you for joining this cycle!

Judge M’Telhigo

First of all.  Whether you won a round, the entire thing, or neither one.  You are still a winner.  So many people would have convinced themselves that they couldn’t do it or simply give up.  All of you stayed with it.

This is my last round being active with ENTM for the foreseeable future and maybe for good.  I am fairly certain that I will be getting a job that I have been pursuing and would love to have, but will kill my work/life balance for quite some time.  I am happy if you all be the last group that I am active with!!

Ni’ko – I like the pose and while I have never watched Ru Paul, from what I know, this would be a pose that she would strike.  While she also has a pink background, her dress is a deep blue which really sets her apart from the background as well as her bright hair color.  You have so much pink going on in your picture that I think it overloads it a bit.  Adding in that it seems that you have a lot of white light on yourself, and your outfit is also pink/purple, I do think your change to blonde hair was a very good change and I agree with it.  No matter what anyone says or thinks, you have to be who you are and make your pictures speak about that.  If you do that one thing, you can’t ever have a bad picture day.

Azalaea – OMG, I remember watching them. Lmao.  I really liked the PowerPuff Girls.  I like quite a bit of what you are doing with this picture.  It was among the gaggle of pictures that I had to take some time to sort out because I liked them all!  While I kind of dislike the inversion of Bubbles and Buttercup bothered me a very small amount, the only thing that I wished was for Bubbles to be in the same pose as Buttercup.  I think having both of them in that jump pose would have been a very nice addition.  Something with your hands up too would have been nice but not really a big deal.  Regardless, I liked this picture very much and you made me smile so for that, thank you.

Rymm – Ooh, spooky picture.  I like your coloring very much!  I think you nailed it on outlining yourself very well but I think it may have been a little too much, I had some difficulty making out your details.  Just a smidge more light, but not much could have helped with that, I am not sure what the white thing next to your hand is and what is its significance?  I really wanted to see just a tiny bit more of what is going on behind you since I can almost see it; maybe full dark behind you could have been better but would create too much dead space too.  If the only real thing I can talk about changing is your outfit, then you know it has to be good!

 Honorable mentions this week:

Wren – I am so happy to see that you are continuing to show us your pretty character.  You listened to our advice and critiques and adjusted to that.  Not everyone would take the criticism as well and I hope you compete again sometime soon.

Nadede – I really like some of what you have done this season.  I especially like your entry this week.  I like how you pop against a very colorful and varied background.  I hope you win this week! 

Ona – Out of everyone, you were the only person to ask us directly what we liked and disliked.  I can see that you listened to each and every one of us and you won the last round, you should be so proud of that!  I also hope to see you come back again too!

Even though I only mentioned them specifically, I hope everyone that wants to compete again does so.  We are a community based group and can’t have a community based group without a community.  A lot of that comes from the models, which are all of you.

 Thank you for participating and sharing all the screenshots.  I appreciate them.

[queermtl]

House of Baga Represent! An interview with Rita Baga

You’ve been doing Rita Baga since 2007?

Yes. 11 years of fabulousness.

And where did that start?

Here at Mado. I was hired first as a club kid with Marla (Deer) and Celinda and we were called the Three Stooges. And we were just paid to drink and party.

And how has that changed? You don’t get paid to drink and party anymore?

Yeah, a bit. But I have to perform now.  Hard times.

How did you move from being a club kid to a drag queen?

I took time. First, well, I’ve been a club kid for like two years without really performing, it was really just doing maybe one show every three months on average. And for a birthday party I was performing and Mado saw me and said, oh you’re good on stage,’ and gave me bookings. It started that way.

Who did you look up to as a club kid?

Leigh Bowery. Even though I didn’t know his name when I was doing it.  But I know it now. It’s really the inspiration. And Boy George a bit too. All the classics. But at that time there was no internet, really. It was 2007 and taking like three hours to have only access to a page like Google. So basically pictures from the magazines and I’ve been travelling a lot since I was a kid, so I’ve seen things around the world. And I was impressed by several things in New York City art museums. My father is a big pop art fan and at his house he has several pieces of Andy Warhol, real and fake, so that kind of image has always been an inspiration to me because it has always been a part of my life. Flashy colours and stuff like this. Marilyn.

When you were looking up things like Leigh Bowery before the internet, what other sources did you find?

I was reading a lot of magazines because my first job was at the Couche-Tard, and I was working the night shift so the only thing I had to do was press the gas button when there was customers and half of the time I was reading all the magazines. All the fashion magazines. I had three art courses, so I had to read a lot of books to find inspirations and I did that between 15 and 18 years old and that’s how I found my art identity.

What is it like for you when you meet young queens and they have such easy access to everything and they didn’t have to crawl through all of the dirt to find the diamonds?

I have mixed feelings because first, it’s so easy for them to have access to this kind of information now – and even to have access to everything. Because even when I started to wear fake lashes there was only like two stores in Montréal that had big lashes.  And now if you want any kind of lashes you can order it from the internet.  And same thing for wigs. If you wanted to have a green wig, there was one place and they had two wigs in stock so you had to fight with your colleagues to make sure you were the first one to have it. But now I’m also living with that reality, so at first I was like, not offended, but kind of jealous that I had to start at that time. But they don’t know what it was like 10 years ago when it was like the golden age. And there was no Grindr, everyone was going out just to meet and to have sex with different partners. So it’s a different time, but I’m glad that I’ve lived in this time too.

How does this easy access to things affect the transfer of information between generations?  Are you a mother to a lot of queens?

I only have two drag daughters but I have plenty of children. With the dancers here at club Mado, I call them all my kids. House of Baga represent! But now I feel like there’s a gap between the generation before me and the generation right after me, because I’m kind of in the middle. There’s six or seven queens still doing it from my time. And now since five or six years there’s like 40 queens. There was an explosion. Everybody wants to do drag now.

How does a scene like the Montréal scene – it’s a very active scene, it’s a big family and it’s crossing over a lot because you in particular are hosting these big drag superstar shows with big famous queens from TV – co-exist with the other drag scene from RuPaul’s Drag Race?

Every time I’ve worked with the queens from Drag Race they were all really kind with us because I think they know what’s drag before being famous. They just know that we’re doing the same job that they’re doing. There’s always a clash in the audience when we mix local queens with queens from Drag Race because just, for example, last summer I hosted the Drag Superstars show (at Parc LaFontaine) with a fellow Montréal queen and she was doing a big number with eight dancers and the choreo was so tight and she had her moment. It was fabulous, everybody was screaming, but then right after there was a queen – I can’t remember who it was – but she did a regular number, she was all by herself, and the people were screaming so loud and I was like, ‘oh my god, she didn’t do a thing.’ So I’m just wondering if for them it changes stuff. Are they becoming lazy because they don’t have to do much now? I’ll ask that question next show.  But I’m glad that we have this chance to perform with them because it’s bringing a lot of people.

The reaction you had last summer on that stage was amazing.

Yes. And I’m grateful.

You’re also the events coordinator with Pride …

The Queen Supreme.

So, because you’re also an artist, how do you think having an artist coordinate those events has made Pride Montréal something special?

I know that there are a bunch of Pride organizers who are also doing art stuff in different ways. And I think that has it comes to coordinate artists and just having access to stuff in the backstage, it’s easier because we understand what we need backstage. Or just to set a proper time to rehearse and stuff like that, it’s easier. But I think I’m bringing my artistic point of view to the table and I’ve been there for five years now. Already! And I think it’s a growing organization, we’re all growing together and it’s always growing like this from the beginning. So it’s challenging – we don’t want to do the same thing every year, every edition. So we’re trying to listen a lot to what the communities have to say. For now it seems to work.

Can you describe for me your experience just how Montréal has changed in the last 11 years you’ve been doing drag?

The gay village has changed so much in the past 10 years. 12 years ago it was my first experience in a gay village and I was shocked. There was people kissing everywhere and they were partying, and I was under the impression that people were partying all of the time. But now I’ve found that it’s more of a touristic place. The function seems to have changed now. It was a resistant place from the start, but now it’s still a place to mingle and to find friends but it’s mostly different venues to go if you want to have fun. It doesn’t matter your sexual orientation or gender identity. It’s just a place to have fun now. Just here at Mado, on the weekend, we have so many straight people in the audience. It’s like more than half of the audience is straight, so it’s changed a lot. When I first started to work here there were only LGBTQ friends in the place and two or three lost straight boys. Times have changed. It’s more the opposite now.

Do you think that the Village serves less of a political purpose now?

Yeah but if ever something happens in the world, it’s still a place where people want to come. It’s still a safe place for most of the LGBTQ community.

I remember after Orlando coming to the streets here.

It’s weird because if nothing’s happened, it’s like, ‘I’m not sure that I need to go out in the Village now to meet people, but I’ll go if there’s a show that I want to see.’ But if something happens, it’s like, ‘We need to be together in the Village.’

How does the world of the Village interact and work with the more underground scenes in Montréal like at venues like Never Apart or Notre-Dame des Quilles? Do those worlds interact?

More now than when I first started for sure. Now we have since 3 years, we have a Gala de Drag, an annual drag gala. And for the first time it was a mixed event with Cabaret Mado and Cocktail Bar, but I spoke with Uma (Gahd) and she wanted us to try to integrate the other venues outside the Village for next year. Not only the Café Cleopatra, but plenty of other venues showcasing drag queens and LGBTQ talent. So it’s a discussion that we never had before, so I’m guessing there’s some changes. Also the voguing community of Montréal, and just the competition last week for Mx. Fierté Montréal, we had Johnny Deville and Coco who is part of the voguing community. But I don’t know if you have noticed that there was a merge in the audience, and it was rare. I was thinking, ‘I’m seeing people here that I’ve seen at the vogue balls. I’ve never seen them here before.’ So that was cool.

The history of the two scenes goes together, so it makes sense.

You know, I used to feel like it was two separate worlds, but now it’s merging again.

Can you tell us about Mx. Fierté?

We have 53 drag queens from Montréal and Québec. We have 75 in total in the drag community so it’s more than three out of four, and each week we have between four and six cunt-estants. That’s my favourite word. Cunt-estant. And the jobs choose one at the end and the audience as well. This runs 11 weeks and we have two semi-finals.

And what happens to Mx. Fierté?

She, he, they win $2,000.00 and that person will have their own special float in the parade and will lead the T-Dance final closing number with another $2,000.00 budget. There’s also extra prizes – clothing, wigs, and a huge gift basket. There’s about $5,000.00 of prizes.

Can you go back and tell me a little bit about the club kid scene in Montréal? And do you have pictures of you from this period that we can publish on the internet?

I was so ugly. You’ll laugh. I’ll show you one and you’ll laugh.

What was that world like?

It was fearless, I think. Because now I feel like people are really aware of what a drag queen should look like. They’re watching Drag Race, they know all about drag queens. But 12 years ago it was like they just wanted to see a boy wearing a wig. That was all. We were so ugly. We were wearing stuff that we made completely drunk the day before. But it was fun. We were doing everything – it was horrible but it was fun. People were just wanting to have fun and now it seems harder to have fun, but people are so obsessed with their telephone. When I host, I’m like, ‘Can you just put your telephone in your pocket? Please?’

Unless they’re Instagramming you and hash-tagging #RitaBaga.

Unless. But it was not like this 12 years ago. People were more free. Even more sexual. Because now it’s so different. People are so secretive. They have their own secret lives. But it’s still a good time to live. 50 years ago it was another time. But I’m glad that I had the chance to start as a drag 12 years ago. Because I’m just 30 years old, but when I’m talking to my friends who are the same age who started drag at the same time, we’re like, ‘oh, do you remember when it was full of people drunk and smoking cigarettes in the bar?’ And it’s like, ‘fuck yeah! That was so good!’ And now people are so prudish and like, ‘You’re so polished! I know drag! I watch Drag Race!’

Can you tell me some of the people in Montréal that you’re excited about? Young queens or other performers?

I think Uma Gahd is one queen that we have to watch in the years to come. I love Tranna Wintour too, and every time I meet her I’m like, ‘I love you.’ Every time she performs I’m performing here. Every single time. The only time that we were performing at the same time at the same place was a Never Apart party, but I was only there for 30 minutes. I love an emerging artist called Jade Above. I love his music.

Tell us about the Drag Superstars show at the Casino Montréal on March 2.

I’m very excited because two years ago I set a goal of wanting to do a show at the Casino Montréal and it’s really a dream coming true. I’m excited. It’s a drag show and I’ll try my best to meet the girls because at the other show I was so stressed trying to change outfits between every song and I just missed the entire crew. I saw them only at the end to say, ‘you were amazing!’ But I had a talk with Sasha (Velour) because she needed a ride back and she’s really nice.

How did you pick the queens for this event?

I wanted to have a different lineup than what people are used to. I know that a lot of people love Ongina, but I don’t know why here in Canada she’s never booked. She has plenty of gigs in the US but here it’s more rare.

Is it her first time here?

It’s her first time in Montréal. She has performed in Vancouver, I think. And every time they’re touring they’re bringing half of the latest season and fan favourites. But I mean Ongina is a fan favourite. And I wanted to bring Pearl because we have tried to book Pearl two years ago and she cancelled the day before the performance. Same thing for Shea Coulée, so people were angry. ‘I want to see my queen!’ We’re listening. I’m excited and it’s going to be a fun night and we have a whole program for the night. There’s a show but after that there’s an after party and there’s six additional queens from Montréal joining the lineup and performing as surprise guests. It’s going to be very fun. Time to let loose! And now I’m kicking you out to tuck my junk.

Photos by Eva Blue. Interview by Mark Andrew Hamilton.

[artificialqueens]

With the Taste of Your Lips // Biadore - Falling Snowflake

This used to be on my own tumblr, but as it is currently not posted anywhere and someone asked for bottom!Roy, I decided to submit it.

Adore finds herself lip syncing against Bianca, and both their performance and the aftermath took a turn neither queen had expected.

“Adore Delano,” RuPaul looked at her, and she had to fight back tears, even though she knew this was coming. “I’m sorry my dear, but you are up for elimination.”

And there it was. The words were out. She had to lipsync. Not against Laganja, not against Bendela, not against Trinity. Against Bianca fucking Del Rio. The one queen that she respected most, and the one thing she would do anything for. Except going home. No matter how much she loved that old bitter bitch, she was not going home because of her.

“Two queens stand before me. Ladies this is your last chance to impress me and save yourself from elimination,” RuPaul said, and Adore took a deep breath. “The time has come for you to lipsync for your life. Good luck, and don’t fuck it up.”

Adore looked briefly over at Bianca, who had the perfect sassy smirk planted firmly on her face. She bit her lip briefly, determined not to be affected by the other queen. Then the first beats of the well-known song echoed through the room.

She moved her hips as she waited for the lyrics to begin, knowing that she would have to bring her sexiest. However, Adore did sexy, Bianca didn’t. For once, Adore felt like she had the upper hand.

“Baby can’t you see, I’m calling,” Adore stared straight into Michelle Visage’s eyes as she lipsynced, moving her hips, ass and legs just right.

“A guy like you should wear a warning

You’re dangerous

I’m falling”

She moved along the stage, trying to maintain eye contact with the judges. There was no way she was going home. No way.

“There’s no escape

I can’t wait

I need a hit

Baby, give me it

You’re dangerous

I’m loving it”

Adore’s eyes met Bianca’s, and they slowly moved towards one another, until Adore was standing with her back up against Bianca’s chest. As she felt Bianca’s arms wrap around her and move down her body, she slowly slid down to the floor.

“Too high

Can’t come down

Loosin’ my head

Spinnin’ round and round

Do you feel me now?”

As she got up again, she turned around to look Bianca in the eyes, she moved so that their lips were almost touching. She brought one hand up to Bianca’s jaw, then gently pushed her away as the lyrics continued.

“With the taste of your lips I’m on a ride”

They kept on dancing around each other, lips nearly touching, hips grinding, and hands feeling each other’s bodies. It was sensual, it was hot, and it was intimate. Adore was almost wondering if her tuck was starting to come undone.

When she had said that Bianca didn’t do sexy, she was wrong. With the way the other queen teased her and moved her body, she definitely did sexy. Bianca was using her legs, arms and hips for all they were worth, and Adore couldn’t tear her eyes off of her. But neither queen missed a single lyric.

“Intoxicate me now

With your lovin now

I think I’m ready now”

They ended the lipsync face to face, lips almost touching and with one of Bianca’s legs wrapped around Adore’s. The music stopped, and they were brought back to the real world by cheers and applause. Both queens pulled apart with similar blushes, both of them trying to catch their breath.

As Adore looked at the judges’ panel, they seemed to be in shock. Michelle looked as if she wanted them both to be naked, RuPaul looked like she wanted to be up there with them, and Santino looked as if he had just seen his greatest idol. Adore smiled a bit. This was probably going to be close. They had both given it their all.

“Wow,” RuPaul said. “That was. Wow. However, I have made up my mind.”

This was it. Adore felt Bianca’s hand brush against her own, and she glanced over at the other queen. She then took her hand, finally catching onto what Bianca was trying to do.

“Bianca Del Rio, shantay you stay.”

The world felt numb as Adore realized what just happened. She was going to be sent home. At least she lost to Bianca, her best friend. Before she knew it, tears were streaming down her cheek. Bianca slowly wrapped her arms around her, and Adore sobbed into her dress.

“Adore Delano. You may not be a seamstress, but you have charisma, uniqueness, nerve and talent like few others. I hope you can take what you’ve learned so far and apply it,” RuPaul said, and Adore nodded.

“I promise. I’ve learnt so much, and I’ll absolutely apply everything I’ve learnt from all of you, both judges and the other queens.”

“Good, because,” RuPaul looked at her. “Adore Delano, shantay you stay.”

It took a few seconds from the words left Ru’s lips until they actually caught up with Adore. They were both staying. None of them were eliminated. She dropped to her knees in relief, outright sobbing.

“Thank you so much,” she said, choking on her own tears. “I won’t disappoint you, Ru. I promise.”

Adore barely even noticed Ru’s next words, because Bianca’s arms were wrapped around her, and she was still trying to calm down from the shock. She muttered an amen when they were supposed to, but didn’t even let go of Bianca as they all danced on the main stage.

On their way back to the werk room, Adore had finally calmed down a little bit, and she tried to keep a conversation going with Jay. It proved to be impossible though, thoughts of Bianca’s lips and legs filling her thoughts. As something touched her lower back, she flinched a bit, but turned her head to see Bianca next to her.

The three of them walked into the workroom together, Bianca’s hand never leaving her lower back. In fact, the hand didn’t move until they were all the way inside and standing around one of the work stations.

“Congratulations on your win, Darienne and Courtney,” Bianca said, smiling at them. The two said queens nodded gratefully and said their thanks, but Courtney’s gaze lingered a bit at Adore as she looked around the room.

“I was so nervous as to who they were going to send home,” Courtney admitted. “You both did such an amazing job. Like, that was basically porn.”

“Yeah, get a room,” Ben said, making Adore and Bianca laugh quietly. They were right. It had been hot and sexual, and there had been several moments where Adore had forgotten all about competition and the other queens. All she had seen was Bianca.

“No, but seriously,” Courtney looked at them. “My tuck came undone, it looked like you were going to rip each other’s clothes off and fuck right there.”

“I’ve already given to charity this year,” Bianca rolled her eyes. Adore laughed, but she couldn’t help but frowning at the comment. It had certainly seemed like Bianca enjoyed that too. “This is a competition, and I do what has to be done. That was a sexy song, I had to be sexy! Am I sexy? No. Do I know how to be sexy together with someone else? Yes. Therefore, the most logical thing for me to do was to dance with Adore instead of against her.”

“So you used me?” Adore asked, and the room that had been filled with giggles and small chatter just ten seconds before, was now completely silent. Bianca opened up her jaw to say something, closed it again, and then she shrugged.

“Well, this is a competition. I’ll do what it takes to save my own ass, and now we’re both here, so I don’t understand why you’re upset. It’s not like I’m the first one to do that! Look at Raja and Carmen!”

Adore ignored her comment and started getting out of drag. She had seen Bianca’s eyes during the lipsync, and she had been just as into it as Adore had.

“Would you have done the same if it was Laganja? Or Joslyn?” she heard Courtney ask Bianca, and she noticed Bianca’s hesitation before answering that of course she would.

“Fuck off, you know you wouldn’t have,” Adore said, the words leaving her mouth before she had even realized it. Bianca looked over at her before looking down, and the whole room was filled with tension. No one said a word, and everyone removed their makeup in total silence. Courtney and Bendela had a small conversation, but no one else dared say a word.

Roy was the first one to leave, Danny following shortly after.

“Bianca!” he called, still not used to using the queen’s boy name. “We need to fucking talk about this.”

With a sigh, the older man turned around and stopped to wait for Danny. He looked unimpressed, and Danny wondered whether this was the right thing to do. They just stared at each other, no one willing to actually make the first move.

“Come up to my room,” Roy eventually gave up with a sigh, motioning for Danny to follow him. The walk to Roy’s room was awkward and tense, and Danny had no idea what to expect from this talk.

Once they were inside, Roy sat down on his bed. Danny stood by the door awkwardly, unsure if he was supposed to sit down next to him.

“Well, are you going to stand there all fucking day, or did you want to talk?” Roy snapped at him, and Danny’s eyes widened. He hurried over to Roy, sitting down next to him.

“Look, I know I’m young and dumb and you couldn’t care less about me, but I know what ‘want’ looks like,” Danny said. “And the way you looked at me during that lipsync? There’s no fucking way you were just doing it to save yourself.”

“I’m not here to get laid,” Roy looked over at him. “But it’s been a couple of weeks, everyone is horny, I’m no exception.”

Danny listened to him, but quickly decided that Roy’s words were a bunch of bullshit. He wanted Roy, and he knew that Roy wanted him too.

“Do you want me?” Danny asked him, and when Roy didn’t answer, he kept on pushing. “If I kissed you right now, what would you do?”

“Try me.”

As soon as the words left the older man’s lips, Danny leaned in closer. Their lips were almost touching and their breaths mingling. He looked into Roy’s eyes briefly before finally closing the small gap between them.

A low moan escaped him as soon as their lips met. He closed his eyes automatically, just trying to taste as much of Roy as he could. It didn’t take long before Roy broke their kiss, climbing on top of Danny to sit in his lap.

Danny’s arms immediately found their way to Roy’s waist as Roy wrapped his arms around the younger boy’s neck. Their lips met again, and it didn’t take long before Roy deepened their kiss by licking Danny’s bottom lip.

“I do,” Roy moaned, his voice even raspier than usual. “I do want you.”

The noise that escaped Danny’s throat resembled a growl, and he pulled Roy closer as he crushed their lips together again. It wasn’t a perfect kiss, it was messy and their teeth met several times, but it was still one of the best kisses Danny had ever had.

He wasn’t entirely sure who had started undressing whom, but somehow they had ended up shirtless shortly after. It wasn’t the first time they had seen each other shirtless, but Danny let himself admire the older man as his hands wandered up and down his sides. Roy was perfect, and Danny wanted to touch him as much as possible.

As his hand brushed against one of Roy’s nipples, he noticed the other man shudder and let out a low and deep moan. Danny grinned to himself. Roy had sensitive nipples. With that new information, he pulled away from the kiss to start kissing Roy’s jaw, one of his hands teasing Roy’s nipple.

He slowly kissed his way down Roy’s throat and chest, biting down on the places where Roy responded more. When he reached his left nipple, he slowly circled it with his tongue before carefully biting down on it. The moan that left Roy’s mouth shot straight down to Danny’s crotch, and if he hadn’t been hard before, he certainly was now.

Roy must have noticed the change in Danny’s groin, because he slowly moved his hips in a teasing manner. Danny let out a moan as his lids fluttered close. Fuck, he was hornier than he thought. After teasing Roy’s left nipple with his tongue and teeth, he moved to the right one, wanting to take his sweet time. Who knew if he ever got to do this again?

He could feel Roy fumbling with his belt buckle, and Danny bucked his hips forward to help him. Even though he wanted nothing more than to tease Roy and take his time, he was also desperate for Roy to touch him.

“Do you have any idea how long I’ve wanted this?” Roy breathed out as Danny kept teasing his nipple. “Ever since I laced you up in that corset, I’ve just wanted you to push me up against a wall and fuck me.”

Danny’s mouth left his nipple, and he stared at the older man. “You have lube and condoms, right?” he asked. There was no way they were fucking without protection, and lube was essential. He didn’t want to hurt the other queen.

Roy rolled his eyes and pointed to a small bag on his night stand. Danny’s eyes darkened, and then Roy got off his lap. The younger boy let out an embarrassing whine, but he realized that Roy was simply moving to lay down on the bed. Danny followed suit, lying on top of him and kissing him hungrily.

“Can we just take off our fucking clothes and be done with it?” Roy asked impatiently as they pulled away. Danny couldn’t help but laugh a bit at how desperate Roy was, but agreed nonetheless. He was painfully hard anyway, and these clothes weren’t helping. In a mess of hands trying to help both themselves and the other, clothes were flying everywhere. Soon enough, they were both naked, and Danny stared at the gorgeous man beneath him.

“Fuck,” Danny swallowed. “You’re, like, really hot.”

Roy actually blushed at the comment, but didn’t tear his eyes off of Danny. Danny wasn’t the only one who had waited for this, and they both needed some time just to look at each other and take all this in.

“Now that we’ve stared at each other for a while, can I suck your dick?” Danny blurted, and as he realized what he had said, he felt like disappearing. What the fuck was that? However, Roy moaned and let out a desperate yes, so he must have done something right. Danny then moved to kiss Roy’s jaw, slowly kissing down his whole body until he was right next to his dick. He avoided it, kissing down the insides of his thighs instead.

“Have I ever mentioned how much I love your legs?” Danny moaned, leaving small kisses all over the insides of his thighs. “They’re so gorgeous.”

Roy didn’t even get a chance to reply before Danny’s tongue had moved to tease the head of his dick, his hand gripping the base steadily. He very slowly lapped the very tip of his head with his tongue, closing his eyes and letting out soft moans. Danny was a whore, he loved sucking dick, and this was no exception.

As Roy tried bucking his hips, Danny moved the one hand he used to steady himself to Roy’s hip, pressing it down. He was in charge right now. “If you want me to say stop, just say it,” he told Roy. “I’ll do the same.”

He got a confirmative nod from Roy, and with that, Danny finally wrapped his lips around him. The moans leaving Roy’s lips let him know that what he was doing was okay, though, so he slowly moved his head up and down his cock, using his tongue every now and then to tease his head.

After spending some time pleasing Roy, Danny was starting to become desperate. That’s why he pulled off of his dick, looking over at the bag with the lube. Roy seemed to catch onto it, as he hurried to find the lube and a condom, tossing it to Danny.

Danny put the condom aside, opening up the lube and squirting a decent amount onto his fingers. “Legs on my shoulders,” he ordered Roy, looking into his eyes. Roy wasted no time, moving so that his legs were resting on Danny’s shoulders and he was staring up at the ceiling.

After Roy had positioned himself, Danny circled his whole with a lubed up finger, slowly pushing it inside of him. The older man tensed just a tiny bit at the contact, and Danny waited patiently for him to relax. Once he had relaxed, he pushed it in entirely and just pushed it in and out in a slow and comfortable tempo.

“I’ve done this shit before, you can add another,” Roy eventually snapped, and Danny glared up at him with a slight chuckle.

“Demanding bitch,” he told Roy with a grin, but did as he said and added another one. After simply pumping them in and out and scissoring his fingers for a bit, he decided to give Roy what he really wanted, and he curled his fingers slightly to find his prostate. It did take him a couple of tries, but when he eventually found it, Roy moaned loudly.

Eventually, Danny added a third finger. He did not want to hurt Roy, and even if Roy seemingly had forgotten it, they had to walk a runway in two days. This was not the best time to be rushing through and not preparing properly. That’s why he ignored the other queen’s protests and comments about being too careful.

“Can you shut up for like two minutes and just enjoy my fingers in your ass?” Danny eventually snapped after Roy complained for what felt like the twentieth time. Roy did shut up though, and Danny grinned. He awarded the older man with a kiss, continuing the foreplay.

Another finger and a couple more minutes later, and Roy was a moaning and stuttering mess underneath him. Hadn’t Danny been just as horny and desperate himself, he would have laughed at the sight, but he honestly felt the exact same way. As he pulled his fingers out of Roy, the older man immediately rushed to unwrap the condom for him and roll it onto Danny’s dick.

Danny moaned loudly at the touch, and he realized that he hadn’t been touched at all so far. He let Roy put the condom on, enjoying the feeling of Roy’s warm fingers on the base of his dick. After the condom was on, Roy played a bit with his balls, and Danny didn’t know whether to push him off so that they could fuck already, or if he wanted him to keep on doing just that. As Roy was playing with his balls, Danny lubed himself up as to tell Roy that he was ready to fuck.

“I wanna ride you,” Roy told him, and who was Danny to disagree? He just nodded dumbly and sat back, letting Roy take charge from now on. When Roy positioned himself above him and slowly sank down onto his dick, Danny’s entire body shuddered. Fuck, he hadn’t had sex in so long, and this felt amazing.

Roy was tight and warm around him, and Danny could feel Roy’s tense body relaxing more and more as he got used to having Danny inside him. After a couple of seconds where no one moved so that Roy could adjust properly, the older man started moving his hips.

Danny wrapped his arms around Roy’s neck, and their lips met in a messy and uncontrolled kiss. They just wanted to be as close as possible, feeling as much of the other as they possibly could. Roy’s hands were clutching his shoulders, almost painfully, but he didn’t mind. It was obvious that the older man was enjoying it just as much as he was.

They stayed in that position for a while, Roy taking full control over everything, but Danny was impatient. He wanted his control back.

“Get down on all fours,” Danny eventually moaned. “I want to properly fuck you.”

Roy nodded, and Danny noticed the small beads of sweat on his forehead. Sex was hot, it was delicious and enjoyable, but it was also tiring. Roy moved quickly, and it didn’t take long before he was in front of Danny with his ass facing him. Danny moaned at the sight and positioned himself.

He tried being a bit more gentle and careful at first, but it was apparent that neither of them actually wanted that. They wanted fast, hard and hot. So that was what he gave him. He sped up his movements, holding onto Roy’s hips as he thrust into him.

“Fuck,” he moaned. “You feel so good.”

“You can fuck me harder,” Roy moaned. “Please.”

Danny didn’t need to be told that twice, and he thrust even harder into the other man. They were moaning and stuttering, and Danny could feel the familiar sensation of an oncoming orgasm.

“I’m coming soon,” he warned Roy, moving his hand to wrap it around Roy’s dick.

“It’s fine, I am too,” Roy stuttered out. After a few more thrusts and a couple of tugs from Danny, Roy came all over Danny’s hand with a loud moan. Danny followed shortly after, thrusting into him fast and hard as he came.

Roy collapsed onto the bed, and Danny moved to lay down next to him, catching his breath. He had just fucked Roy Haylock. He had just fucked Bianca Del Rio.

“With the taste of your lips I’m on a ride,” Danny sang quietly, earning a laugh from the other queen.

“Come on, let’s take a shower. We can go for round two tomorrow.”

Fuck it, Danny would personally have to thank Britney Spears for this.

- Snowflake

[jeremystrele]

Comforting Words From Six Mums Who Know Best

Comforting Words From Six Mums Who Know Best

Mothers Day

by Sasha Aarons

Courtney Adamo and family, captured by Kara Rosenlund.

Courtney Adamo and family, captured by Kara Rosenlund.

Courtney adamo, bangalow, nsw

What have you learned from your Mum that remains with you today?

My Mum has never been a worrier. There has always been a lightness and a sense of optimism to the way she lives, which is something that has rubbed off on me. She’s also always been fastidious about good manners and good grammar. I know it seems silly, but I’m grateful for it now.

What is something you say to comfort your kids in tricky times?

There’s nothing specific I say. I think each kid and each circumstance calls for its own approach. Generally speaking though, I think it’s about being open to any of their questions, concerns or needs, then providing them with honesty, a sense of security, a familiar rhythm and a feeling of being held. We don’t have a TV and we don’t play live radio in the car, so they are spared the doom and gloom of the 24-hour news cycle. When times are tricky, we want to be their source of information, presenting it in a balanced way, with perspective, hope and positivity. I’m also a big believer in the restorative power of mother nature. Whenever we’re feeling down, whatever the reason, a trip to the beach or the woods brings us right back up.

What kind of world do you hope your children will inherit?

I hope our kids will inherit a world that is open and interconnected, with people and ideas moving freely for the benefit and equality of all. I hope for a world where we are conscious of our every imprint on the earth and we prioritise the planet’s need over our personal wants. And it would be awesome if self-driving electric cars were commonplace before they are old enough to drive!

What are you optimistic about right now?

My kids going back to school! Haha. Kidding (sort of). There’s a lot of bad happening in the world right now, and people are suffering in ways I can’t even comprehend, but I hope this collective pause has awakened in us a deeper sense of appreciation for what is most important. This is a historic event and unusual in that it is impacting virtually everyone on the planet in some way. I’m hopeful that moving forward, we will all be more conscious of how our actions, big and small, impact the planet and ourselves. I know we will not be returning to life as usual when it’s all over.

Is everything going to be okay?

I always like to think so! It is my personality (or perhaps a coping mechanism) to try to find the silver lining in every situation, even when things seem really challenging or depressing. I have five children — I have to think the future is bright!

Courtney Adamo is an author, entrepreneur and the co-founder of  Babyccino Kids. She is also the mother to five children! Following the release of her first wildly popular e-course, Courtney has just this week released ‘In The Loop : Blossom‘, a 3-week e-course on pregnancy, birth and the first year. Check it out here!

Melbourne textile designer Cassie Byrnes with her gorgeous bub Lottie. Photo by Annika Kafcaloudis.

Melbourne textile designer Cassie Byrnes with her gorgeous bub Lottie. Photo by Annika Kafcaloudis.

Cassie Byrnes, Melbourne, VIC

What’s something you learned from your Mum that remains with you today?

Definitely resilience. My Mum has had a pretty rough run in life, which is easy to forget because she is so warm and loving and just gets on with it (as Mums tend to do). In my older age (and since becoming a Mum) I now understand how difficult some of the setbacks must have been, and how she did totally amazing things while raising four kids.

What is something you tell your kids in tricky times?

Well, Lottie is only seven months old, so to her tricky times really just consist of trying to sit up in her sleeping bag or managing to grip on to her pear slices with her tiny slippery fingers…. so I just cheer her on like, ‘You can do it girl, get that pear!’.

What kind of world do you hope your children will inherit?

This is a very big question! For a couple of years I did have a few worries about bringing someone new into a world that I felt was changing for the worse in many ways. But, I was way too maternal to follow through with it, so I guess you win, hormones.

I think we also need to understand that while at this exact moment in time it might be hard to see through the gloom at big picture level, we are still in control of our well-being and destiny and have the chance to use this time to create the future we want.

Closer to home, I really just want her to feel like she can do and be anything she wants, and feel confident enough to find out what that is. If she can take on that spirit then I reckon she’s got a good shot at handling the world in whatever state it’s in when she grows up.

What are you optimistic about right now?

So much. That’s what the baby bubble will do to you! We have looked at this isolation time as something kind of special, one we will always look back on as a time when the three of us were home with each other 24/7, and Lottie has benefitted from so much attention from us! As I learn the ropes of Mum-hood I’m feeling more confident and nurturing than I’ve ever been, and a lot less stressed, because, well, who even has time to stress about anything anymore? If you put all the fears aside and just stop to look at this little human who is genuinely thrilled just to be a part of the world everyday, it’s hard not to feel the same way.

Is everything going to be okay?

One hundred percent. Yes there’s lots of people hurting now, and it’s sad to think there will be more of that to come. But you know, we owe it to them and ourselves to try and find the positivity in all this. I’ve seen neighbours and friends come together in amazing ways lately. My group chats, Mums groups, customers DMs and daggy Zoom trivia nights all help to remind me that it’s the people in your life that really make up your world, and as long as they’re still around of course everything is going to be ok. And if you ever feel like things won’t be, remember to reach out to someone.

Cassie Byrnes is a freelance textile + surface designer. You can shop her latest collection of designs here (and listen to Lucy’s chat with her on TDF Talks Podcast here!).

Curator and writer Hetti Kemerre Perkins with her daughter, actress Madeleine Madden. Photo – Alisha Gore.

Hetti Perkins, Sydney, nsw

What does Mother’s Day mean to you?

Mothering or being a mother or Mum means different things to different cultures and communities. For instance, in Arrernte ways you have a number of mothers, and the immediate responsibility to care for a child extends generationally to grandparents and others. Or there’s the ‘Paris is burning’ version of motherhood in the drag community epitomized by RuPaul Charles!

I have been called Mum ‘instinctively’ by some very young children who have come into my home just because they maybe needed a Band Aid and a hug, or were hungry and must have identified me as their best bet for getting those needs sorted! I am also called Mum by some adult kiddos who need the grown up version of a Band Aid or a hug!

As a parent and as a someone who is blessed to be called Mum by a number of people, it’s a day for being grateful for all my ‘children’ who trust me enough to love and be loved; and to be grateful to those people who have helped my kids grow up. So, it’s a day for taking time out to acknowledge all those people – regardless of their biological relationship or gender – who have grown you up.

What’s something you learned from your Mum that remains with you today?

My mum Eileen is awesome, and sometimes infuriating! Me and my kids call her Naughty Nanna and she still constantly surprises us with her tricks and unconventional ways! To this day, marrying my father was probably her best unconventional ‘trick’. My Arrernte and German grandmothers – who couldn’t have come from more ‘opposite’ sides of Australian society yet found common ground and an enduring respect and friendship – continue to inspire me. An early memory I have of my childhood in Alice Springs is Nanna Hetti’s fiercely loyal dog only deigning to also lay his head on Nanna Laura’s lap.

One thing that has stuck with me, was my Mum drilling me in the value of learning history to better understand our world and our place in it – and our responsibility to future generations.

What is something you tell your kids in times of hardship?

We’re all in this together and together we’ll get through it.

What are you optimistic about right now?

Last year we welcomed a little rescue kitten into our family on Mother’s Day. It’s been the gift that keeps on giving, watching Raven grow and flourish despite a hard start in life.

Otherwise it’s art, always! Artists of all genres and ages give me strength. Their creativity has a palpable effect on my mental and physical wellbeing. For instance, Hayley Mary’s brilliant EP ‘The Piss, the Perfume’ is on my high rotation playlist at the moment and I recommend it to any readers needing a dose of good medicine – or gift ideas!

What kind of world do you hope your children will inherit?

A common ground governed by the principle of the common good.

Is everything going to be okay?

It will be if we collectively keep our eye on the ball – and by ball I mean this big, beautiful globe we call home, Earth.

Hetti Kemerre Perkins is a curator and writer. Read our interview with her and her daughter, actress Madeleine Madden, here.

Designer Jenny Kee with her daughter, literary agent Grace Heifetz.  Photo – Courtesy of Mimco.

Jenny Kee, Blackheath, NSW

What’s something you learned from your Mum that remains with you today?

Mum was always so incredibly generous and was a true giver, and I never think of her without thinking of her generosity.  She was a fanatical cleaner and I have really inherited that trait – I loved this about her.  It goes without saying that she had amazing style and was a natural fashionista, and we shared this love of clothes, design and style.

What is something you tell your kids in tricky times?

All things will pass.

What kind of world do you hope your children will inherit?

The Coronavirus has taught us to think more about our world and our environment. I hope that our children will inherit a simpler world, where our focus will be on the abundance of nature, where animals are not extinct, where the sky is blue and we hear the birds sing and our oceans and rivers run clean.  A world where the environment is more important than the economy – a world where we live simply so others may simply live.

What are you optimistic about right now?

I am optimistic about my property that was ravaged by fires and the regeneration is glorious.

Is everything going to be okay?

While nature has the upper hand everything will be ok, as she is our Mother – the greatest Mother of all.

Jenny Kee is an artist, fashion designer and environmental activist. See her work and collections here. 

Julia Busuttil Nishimura with new baby boy Yukito! Photo – Eve Wilson for The Design Files.

Julia Busuttil Nishimura, Fitzroy, VIC

What have your learned from your mum that remains with you today?

The importance of showing kindness and having empathy for others.

What is something you say to comfort your kids in tricky times?

We like to keep it light at home but my eldest is 4 so sometimes he’s heard something at kinder or caught a snippet of a conversation. I listen to what his fears are and label them. I think it’s really important to reassure him that things are ok and that he’s safe, that it’s ok to feel sad or scared or whatever he is feeling, but that we’re here for him.

What kind of world do you hope your children will inherit?

I hope my children will inherit a kind world where people look out for each other. A world where the leaders care for ALL – people and nature.

What are you optimistic about right now?

Even though it can be overwhelming when people say the ‘new normal’ I am hopeful that we will return to travel, and family gatherings and hugging friends. I am optimistic that this time has helped many of us to slow down and appreciate the small joys we usually take for granted.

Is everything going to be okay?

It is sad that so much life has been lost and many have lost jobs and businesses and many of us are feeling lonely. It’s been a pretty hectic year. Between this and the bushfires, anxiety levels feel heightened all around, but I do think we will come out the other side stronger and more intertwined as a community.

Julia Busuttil Nishimura is a cook, author and beloved TDF Food columnist! 

Yumi Stynes with her partner Martin, and children ‘Man Baby’, Mercy, Dee Dee and Anouk. Photo – Katherine Millard for The Design Files.

Yumi Stynes, Sydney, NSW

What have your learned from your Mum that remains with you today?

My Mum used to say that your physical space is a reflection of your soul. So if your room is in utter disarray, there’s a strong chance your spirituality is, too.

What is something you say to comfort your kids in tricky times?

I used to sing the song “Go to sleep” with our own made-up lyrics – “Go to sleep, go to sleep, you are warm and protected, you are safe, you are loved, bed is soft so – nigh nigh!” Now they’re a bit bigger (4, 5, 15 and 18) so I’m not singing to them as much, but when one of them is having a freak out, the first thing I try to do is listen so they can tell me their fears or what’s going on, then in my own words I repeat what they’ve said back to them so they know I understand. To the little one I might say, “You’re scared – and fair enough! You’re safe. Come here. You’re safe. You’re going to be okay.” To the biggest one I might say, “You’re upset – and fair enough! You’re safe. You’re going to be okay.” It helps to remember that they don’t necessarily want advice, they just want to share.

What kind of world do you hope your children will inherit?

I hope the kids will inherit a world where there’s free universal healthcare and where nature hasn’t been completely destroyed. I really hope there’s an upcoming generation of girls, women and non-binary people out there who are inspired to enter politics because they’ve had a gutful of the monocultural vested-interest wankers we seem to keep putting in charge. I hope basics like bananas and bees don’t become extinct during their lifetimes. I hope they never experience war or famine. But at the moment I just hope they get a chance to live to old age.

What are you optimistic about right now?

I’m optimistic that people have seen that real, systemic and gigantic change is possible. I’m optimistic that when everything else is terrible, art and music still has the power to elevate the soul.

Is everything going to be okay?

One of the things I do for pleasure and relaxation is I cook and nut out new recipes. I do this so much that I tend to have a surplus of food and drop parcels of the latest yummy ridiculous thing to my friends. I have a loop of people I drive around to, dropping off food as gestures of love, solidarity and community. This week I pretty much worked out the most spectacularly perfect recipe for Creamy Chicken Soup. It’s been a work in progress for many years but I actually think I can stop trying to perfect it now because it is, in fact, perfect. So. I don’t know if everything is going to be okay but I do know that there can be comfort in sticking up for and showing kindness to people who need it, and sometimes that is the best that we can do. Until we burn the whole fucking thing down.

Yumi Stynes is an author, presenter and broadcaster. Her award-winning ABC podcast Ladies, We Need To Talk just launched their fourth season. The next episode is about women working at the front line of coronavirus, and is out on May 19th.

[fagkit]

200 thru 1 :3c

bet you didn’t think I’d do it @chqwder @ephraim-o-rama​

200: My crush’s name is: killu @bpdzoldyck I LOVE THIS BOY SO MUCH!!!!!! 199: I was born in: ontario198: I am really: affectionate, loving, supportive, jealous, drained197: My cellphone company is: freedom196: My eye color is: brown195: My shoe size is: 9194: My ring size is: no idea193: My height is: 5′11′’192: I am allergic to: nothing that I know of191: My 1st car was: none, I hate driving190: My 1st job was: peer tutoring through my college189: Last book you read: I can’t remember, but probably a science fiction book for one of the classes I took in college188: My bed is: comfortable and unmade and covered in clothes187: My pet: a precious calico kitty cat named reese uwu 186: My best friend: aria @god-mutt aaaaaahhh god I love my best friend so much like holy gosh damn like I love her with all my heart she’s the best friend ever to exist!!!!! 185: My favorite shampoo is: head and shoulders is all I use184: Xbox or ps3: neither?? I’m a pc gamer… ps3 if I had to choose183: Piggy banks are: kinda helpful I guess182: In my pockets: nothing lmao181: On my calendar: my friends’ birthdays uwu180: Marriage is: I dunno, nothing special to me179: Spongebob can: quench that extreme thirst178: My mom: loves memes177: The last three songs I bought were? all on krewella’s new world album, the first time I’ve bought music in years actually176: Last YouTube video watched: sro playing camille175: How many cousins do you have? fuck there’s a lot of them but I don’t know most of them, my family tree is huge.. I’m close to like three of my cousins174: Do you have any siblings? I have a younger sister173: Are your parents divorced? nope172: Are you taller than your mom? yeah, by a little171: Do you play an instrument? not at all170: What did you do yesterday? I worked and then had a pizza and relaxed[ I Believe In ]169: Love at first sight: not a chance168: Luck: as much as I like to blame luck when things go bad, or say I got lucky when things go well, not really… shit just happens167: Fate: same as before, shit just happens, but fate can be nice to think about sometimes166: Yourself: kinda, I can be a big fuck up sometimes but I’m still alive and kicking165: Aliens: not your traditional aliens out of fiction, but I believe there is other forms of life in the universe164: Heaven: nah, not really, but it’s nice to think about163: Hell: as often as I’ll say I’m going to hell, in particular with my best friend to chill after death, it’s not really something I think is real162: God: no, I don’t really think about it either, nor do I care to think about it161: Horoscopes: they’re fun, but I don’t think they’re real or accurate or hold any value160: Soul mates: it’s a comforting thing to believe in, but it’s probably not real159: Ghosts: not really, it’s possible but I don’t really care either way158: Gay Marriage: of course!!!!! unfollow me if you don’t157: War: war is very much real lmao do I think it should it happen??? it would be nice if it didn’t… but in the world we live in I think it’s always bound to happen156: Orbs: what does this even mean????155: Magic: nope but this is the closest to magic I’ve ever seen[ This or That ]154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs153: Drunk or High: high152: Phone or Online: online151: Red heads or Black haired: black hair150: Blondes or Brunettes: brunette149: Hot or cold: hot148: Summer or winter: summer147: Autumn or Spring: autumn146: Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla145: Night or Day: night144: Oranges or Apples: oranges143: Curly or Straight hair: straight142: McDonalds or Burger King: mcdicks141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: milk chocolate140: Mac or PC: pc139: Flip flops or high heals: flip flops138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: sweet and poor137: Coke or Pepsi: coke136: Hillary or Obama: obama I guess, I’m not american so my opinion is limited135: Burried or cremated: I want to be cremated134: Singing or Dancing: singing133: Coach or Chanel: lmao I don’t care132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who???131: Small town or Big city: small town130: Wal-Mart or Target: wal-mart, target got shit on in canada for good reasons too129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: adam sandler I guess, only because my favourite movie ever is 50 first dates128: Manicure or Pedicure: manicure probably so I can show it off127: East Coast or West Coast: I don’t know??? what does this even mean??126: Your Birthday or Christmas: my birthday125: Chocolate or Flowers: chocolate124: Disney or Six Flags: never been to either and never will123: Yankees or Red Sox: neither, I don’t care about sports[ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: depends on what’s being fought over, human rights is one of the only reasons it should need to happen121: George Bush: I’m not american and I don’t really care120: Gay Marriage: there shouldn’t need to be laws for gay marriage to be legal and accepted119: The presidential election: a losing choice either way118: Abortion: pro-choice, your body your life your choice117: MySpace: dead and gone116: Reality TV: can be fun sometimes115: Parents: my parents are great!!!! others?? not so much… really common to hear about shitty parents114: Back stabbers: shitty people, drop them when you get the chance113: Ebay: pretty useful but I don’t really use it112: Facebook: waste of time and poorly designed and too much data mining111: Work: I’m underpaid, retail is hell, it’s basically adult babysitting110: My Neighbors: don’t talk to them but they smoke a lot of weed109: Gas Prices: inflated and bullshit but luckily I don’t drive108: Designer Clothes: not a necessity but to each their own107: College: unfairly out of reach for most people, should be free106: Sports: boring and exhausting and not fun to me105: My family: I love my family, I don’t really have any complaints104: The future: probably pretty shitty with how things in the world have been lately, gonna enjoy the present while I can[ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: a week ago102: Last time you ate: a couple hours ago101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: a while? :3c100: Cried in front of someone: a few days ago on voice chat with my best friend99: Went to a movie theater: around a year at this point98: Took a vacation: around april was the last time I had a week off work97: Swam in a pool: over a year, last summer I think96: Changed a diaper: never95: Got my nails done: never94: Went to a wedding: not since I was a baby93: Broke a bone: never, the closest was a fractured wrist when I was around 1292: Got a peircing: never91: Broke the law: I have no idea, probably the last time I ripped a song from youtube which was almost a year ago90: Texted: less than a minute ago[ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: aria88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: aria87: The last movie I saw: something with aria I can’t remember the name of, it was a bunch of shorts on short stories (she has informed me it was called XX)86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: coming home from work and calling with aria85: The thing im not looking forward to: going back to work84: People call me: loving, supportive, a brother83: The most difficult thing to do is: accept change82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: never81: My zodiac sign is: libra80: The first person i talked to today was: grizz @chqwder79: First time you had a crush: when I was around 1078: The one person who i can’t hide things from: aria77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: probably aria76: Right now I am talking to: voice calling with aria 75: What are you going to do when you grow up: be best friends with aria74: I have/will get a job: I am a unofficially a manager at a hardware store (I do all the work of one), but only get paid as a supervisor73: Tomorrow: THIS IS SO VAGUE but I’m going to be working and then hanging out with aria72: Today: I streamed with grizz @chqwder and joshy @ephraim-o-rama and voice called with aria @god-mutt while I did this before bed71: Next Summer: I have no idea probably hanging out with aria??70: Next Weekend: hanging out with aria69: I have these pets: a cat that I mentioned earlier68: The worst sound in the world: forks scraping on a plate67: The person that makes me cry the most is: myself66: People that make you happy: aria makes me the happiest65: Last time I cried: like a week ago on call with aria64: My friends are: amazing and wonderful and I love them63: My computer is: a beast62: My School: I’m not in school anymore61: My Car: is non-existent, like my license60: I lose all respect for people who: lie and break my trust, cheat, lots of other reasons that are pretty standard and obvious for people not deserving respect59: The movie I cried at was: I can’t remember right now but I cry really easily at movies58: Your hair color is: brown57: TV shows you watch: hunter x hunter and a bunch of other anime, rupauls drag race, and mostly just youtube videos… I don’t have cable to watch tv56: Favorite web site: tumblr and youtube55: Your dream vacation: I hate travel but if I get a chance to meet aria that would be the best54: The worst pain I was ever in was: when I scalded my hand with boiling water a couple years ago53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium-rare52: My room is: kinda messy51: My favorite celebrity is: I really love adore delano50: Where would you like to be: hanging out with aria and looking at stars or watching movies and having a sleepover49: Do you want children: kinda, as long as I can skip the baby phase48: Ever been in love: yes, and then heartbroken but I’m over it now whatever romantic love sucks miss me with that shit47: Who’s your best friend: aria!!!!46: More guy friends or girl friends: guy friends45: One thing that makes you feel great is: spending time with aria44: One person that you wish you could see right now: aria43: Do you have a 5 year plan: not die??? even that’s kinda iffy???42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: meet aria41: Have you pre-named your children: nope40: Last person I got mad at: a friend I ended up blocking39: I would like to move to: nowhere, I like where I live38: I wish I was a professional: programmer[ My Favorites ]37: Candy: peanut butter m&ms36: Vehicle: I don’t really care enough to have one35: President: don’t care enough to have one34: State visited: I’ve only been to two states, buffalo (to take a plane to chicago), and illinois. between the two, definitely not buffalo33: Cellphone provider: I’m with freedom and the service is meh but it’s affordable32: Athlete: don’t care31: Actor: don’t care enough to have one30: Actress: don’t care enough29: Singer: adore delano28: Band: krewella27: Clothing store: h&m??? I don’t really clothing shop often26: Grocery store: fortinos25: TV show: excluding anime, it would be rupauls drag race24: Movie: 50 first dates23: Website: tumblr and youtube22: Animal: foxes and fennecs21: Theme park: never been to one20: Holiday: halloween19: Sport to watch: none, they’re all boring18: Sport to play: none, they’re all boring17: Magazine: I don’t read any16: Book: warrior cats ;3 I don’t read… never have the time15: Day of the week: thursday, it’s my day off14: Beach: a beach 3 hours away on lake huron13: Concert attended: three days grace12: Thing to cook: mac and cheese11: Food: pizza and mac and cheese10: Restaurant: a sushi place that closed down almost three years ago9: Radio station: I don’t really listen to the radio on my own, not sure8: Yankee candle scent: I dunno probably something with vanilla??7: Perfume: I don’t know vanilla scents I guess??6: Flower: snapdragons and bleeding hearts!!!!!!!!5: Color: true blue4: Talk show host: I don’t watch talk shows3: Comedian: I have no idea2: Dog breed: german shepherd, husky, border collie1: Did you answer all these truthfully? yep

[beautifulhaus]

Journal -  2017/06

I made a journal post with drawings and thoughts that happened last week.

Check it out if you want :)

I was staying up late and the sun started to come up...ha but it was so beautiful so I tried to capture it. This drawing happened and I thought this could be a cool layout for a short film. No plans to make it but maybe I will take it out again one day.

Ideas and Ego

I started to watch a lot of interviews of all different kinds of artists and I found there is an interesting pattern when great artists talk about their ideas.

'It's like this spooky universe picks the day and gives it to me.' 

'My ideas are beyond me, they are not for or from me'

'Just sit down and either something great happens or not'

'We reinvented the wheel by accident'

Ideas as relevant universal gifts that have nothing to do with you as a ego but are just using your body as a door to the world. Have faith in some kid knocking on that door and be kind and not judgmental to that kid. You should listen carefully what she has to say and maybe you might even want to help her with her concern. But also note that you might not get visited for a long time. You might want to put out a nice new welcome matte tho or decorate a little ha.

I like that thought because it takes away the judgment you put over yourself. There are no bad no good ideas, they just are and it's your job to help them come to live and that is it. Help them as best as you can and once you did that, don't judge them. Let them be and wait for the next kid. And if that idea is to write a song about cheeseburgers even though you have never written a song and have no clue about it at all, do it because it is not about you, it is about that song trying to make it .

haha dang so dramatic

Louise Wilson

I discovered her through a Kanye Interview and just want to collect some things I kept from her. She was  probably the most influential fashion professor of our decade – unfortunately passed away in 2014

She said something like 'Sometimes when I talk about the work of my students I would ask them 'Would you show that to Tom Ford?' and they would say 'Oh no, I would have to do that and that better'...

Well then why don't you do it?? 'BE YOUR OWN TOM FORD'

I love that mindset so much and I tried it. I watched some Disney making of videos and then pretended I would work for them and did some sketches...haha. That really opened my eyes on becoming better at something. It is not about the craft itself. It is not about practicing for 231786 years in the sense of exhausting hard work. It is all about you mindset. It is about how you prepare mentally before you put that pencil down and what you allow your body to perform! If you do that you also get a feeling of ultimate self confidence because you get into a state where it's not even questioned that you couldn't do something. And if something does not come out the way you wanted you just do it again.

And again. Again.

'Our students would go to Paris Fashion Week and see how many shows they could get into. They pretended to be the make-up artist. That was actually a class project!'

Just wow I have nothing to say to that. I start tearing up reading this what is wrong with me haha

About students starting her course

'And if Professor Wilson sees herself fighting a crusade, it's not against what students don't know, but what they do. "Their previous education has rendered them incapable. When they come here, it's like rehabilitating them. Because they've been in education since they were five. That's longer than if you'd been in prison for murder. And when you left prison, you'd been given a social worker to rehabilitate you.'

I feel like that is what is happening with me now. The school system is so so so deep embedded in me because I was all about doing great and reaching expectations. I got out when I was 18 and it took me 5 years to just get an idea of  how I have to set my mind in order to survive in the ways my mind and body is supposed to perform.

Great Lady, just by reading and watching her interviews I felt really connected and got a good idea of her approach on life.

Sources

Kanye Interview https://youtu.be/4Rn0hDB6Z8k?t=25m24s

Louise Wilson https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2010/feb/07/central-saint-martins-louise-wilson https://www.theguardian.com/fashion/2014/may/19/louise-wilson-seven-insightful-fashion-quotes#img-1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Li1ty85B_vs

I noticed I keep telling myself the same things haha

People always talk about their passion and how it makes them do amazing things but what is that? Tell me about it because I dont knooow haha.

I do know that feeling of really wanting to do something and getting all these ideas for it but it would never stay for a long time and most importantly on the same thing to do... ha

Is it something we have to look for? Is it something that comes in the act of doing something? Is it something we choose? Is passion a choice? Idk I have always been all over the place with the things I enjoy and have an initial love for but it would eventually dim down and come back and down. Haven't I found the right thing yet or do I have to choose a path and commit to it even in times I don't have any love for it anymore? (Usually the next day ha) Here is something that comforts me in that regard tho.

To have faith in the unexpectedness of life.

We can predict, plan, prepare as much as we want but what is clear is that we don't have a clue of what's going to happen next and using that as a tangible fact that we can rely on brings me back to the present and to what can or has to be done now. So I end up not overthinking and just make random stuff. Like this post :>

I also had to think about my dad who used to spend the whole day in front of his monitor doing paintings in paint... Haha That's all he would do and eventually he printed the ones he liked the most and hang them in the house. What's that feeling? He enjoyed looking at images so he tried all day to make the ones that strike him the most by himself? He did what he wanted to see just for the enjoyment of looking at them? Because he didn't show his work, never talked about it. He just made them.

Fashion has always been something that I found interesting and having my own collection is a Kid that has been sitting in my brain for the longest time. While I thought about some concepts I found out about this fashion brand Comme de garcon and I felt connected to their vision in a weird way. I then got the idea to make concepts for them and send it to them. ‘Here take that and now hire me’ kinda like that haha

I feel very weird about showing it all so maybe I will after after they have ignored it for a few weeks. (Also in case I ever finish it)

Everyone can do something great, everyone has a gift. It's about finding the right mindset, the right vibe that let's your body flow and make all the amazing things it is able to make. What will keep you away from that state are 'wrong intentions'. Doing it for the money, doing it for the fame won't be a healthy engine for the long run.

Is that true tho?

Btw this is the way I tell myself things so even though it might be total bullshit, I just pretend it's true (for now).

Have faith in the unexpected. Have faith in something amazing happening at any given moment.

(All these ideas and thoughts are not my work, I kinda feel this 'body as a vessel' thing. All I am doing is pretty much watching and experiencing on what journey it is on.) I never did anything for my thoughts to come out, they just do. What that mindset leaves you with is a ultimate sense of validity in your existence and everything that is connected to it. (sadness, laughter, embarrassment, uninspiredness, excitement, 'failures' or things that just didn't go as expected/hoped.

Have faith in the unexpected. Don't force it, don't stress it.

I am feeling a very strange feeling of peace right now and I am absolutely cracking myself up inside because all I can think of now is this video where Beyonce is in awe because of everything but I totally feel it too right now aaahaha. Also why am I sounding all spiritual now what is happening?? wth. And do I think I am Beyonce or what? Am I just high on coffee or something???

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O63dea1U33g

Rereading this is the funniest thing, what was going on haha. (random older stuff)

Don't feel whatever was happening yesterday anymore ahaha but what's new.

Life is so extremely short. Everything that seems like the most important and eternal thing is only a blink of an eye, really. Soon we and everything that is our world won't mean anything anymore. There is no excuse to 'waste' time on things that don't feel important to you. Do the things you want gurrrlll

  You already can do anything you want. You just have to have faith in your abilities and get rid of this sense of bad and good. Whatever you do just is, and that's it and that's good. (in the sense that good is all there is) The only thing that stands between 'everything I can do' and  'me at this given point of time' is me doing it.

So have that same sense of 'I can do everything' in all aspects of life.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXsQAXx_ao0

It's not about you, it's about the art getting it's chance to exist so get over yourself and let all the babies out. And you don't judge your children, you just let them be, maybe guide them.

(Rereading this makes me cringe hard ahahahaah  I still mean it but at the same time I am thinking like 'Who are you and why does everything sound so spiritual motivated and dramatic ahaha. I wrote that stuff just days ago but it feels like I found an old journal of me as a kind trying to figure things out hahaha oh man anyway...)

I looked at what I wrote and I basically repeat myself again so nevermind haha.

But today I found out about Rupaul and how amazing he is so I watched a lot of interviews again. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kSchZdbdWYU

‘ We are an extension of the power that created the entire universe ‘

Again this sounds very spiritual which I am kinda uncomfortable with but it is so true at the same time. I don’t believe in free will. We can not want what we want. We just want things and we just think certain things and get certain ideas and these things are a result or part of the chainreaction of happenings after the bigbang if you will or the creation of the universe. So we are an extension of the power that created the universe. Maybe all this spiritual talk of this week really is just standing really really high on solid facts.

“In fact it was good for me to go back home because I got to recharge my battery and understand what it is I wanted to do in the first place”

Totally what happened to me in the last two weeks??? I was sick and got the chance to just recover and think which braught me to this crazy long post.

Also found out he has a podcast with over 100 Episodes so I know what I can listen to when I draw around now.

http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/rupaul-whats-the-tee-with-michelle-visage

So weird... I came across this songwriter called James Fauntleroy  and he talks about how he wanted to become a comicbook artist, then he got sick which braught him to songwriting and now he is into animation.... That is literally me because I have been recording so many song sketches the past few days and really found a love for it and the drawing thing is given. I used to write songs and always wanted to make music but back then my mindset was all in this ‘this is bad, I am such a beginner, I dont know anything about this’ - mode which I am kinda over with now (not totally but we will get there) and now it’s just fun doing it.

https://youtu.be/EGY0rROcvRQ?t=11m5s

Ok so I was Beyonce, Rupaul and now this guy haha. I don’t know... so weird I really got a sense of ‘a bigger power’ this week though, which I have always heard people talk about but I never really understood or felt it the way I did this week.

Sunday is almost over now and I am thinking about this journal thing. I don’t like that it is packed with so much text, I am also not sure if it’s a good thing that I spend so much time into going back and recalling each day. Even though these texts are only days old it feels like they were written from this super old version of myself because I wrote them in a state of mind which was very specific to that moment I wrote them in. You know when you get sentimental and have all these thoughts you normally don’t have but the next day you wake up and feel totally different and just forget about it. Now I have that stuff written down and reading it 2 or 3 days later is like....This guy needs to chill. Also having to actually lock the things down that go through my mind like I am doing right now is weird because some things just don’t really matter like this stuff right here but since I am writing them down I have pay extra attention to what is going on in my brain haha maybe I should just cut in down extremely for the next time? Maybe only drawings? I don’t know, let’s see if I make another one next Sunday.

Have a good one  :)))