#we had pirates of the caribbean in the early 2000s sure but that was it

[frmulcahy]

Not enough swashbuckling in media anymore :(

[thenationaltreasuregazette]

I'm In: Abigail's Arc, pt 2

Previously, we were talking about Abigail's Arc in the first National Treasure, and comparing her journey to one Elizabeth Swann, another leading lady in an early 2000s Bruckheimer-produced Disney action-adventure flick that turned an absurd premise into a fantastic film greater than the sum of its parts.

Two nickles, you know?

We had just reached the point where our leading ladies were diving headfirst into their respective adventures, pulling no punches and leaving no precious documents un-lemon juiced.

Abigail is answering riddles and matching Ben on every test of historical trivia; Elizabeth is outsmarting ruthless pirates and matching will on every test of 'will they do piracy.'

Which brings us to:

First of all, a moment of silence for the completed version of this post that tumblr ate despite repeated used of the 'save as draft' button. Alas.

But on the plus side since then I've

had covid

actually rewatched Curse of the Black Pearl instead of scrubbing through it and hoping for the best

Onward!

Part 7: Colluding with the Enemy

It's one thing for Abigail to be working with Ben and Riley. After all, they are the 'good guys' who are just as committed to getting the Declaration back as she is.

Well, maybe not quite as much, since she didn't, you know, steal it, but hey.

But things get a lot more interesting when Abigail partners with Ian.

Ben and Riley are, like, weird nerds on a quest that just happens to necessitate several crimes. Ian and his crew are career criminals. Just look at how the movie frames their preparations for the heist. Ian and his allies will not hesitate to use violence to get what they want, and anything in their way—including the Declaration of Independence—is in danger because of it.

And yet, Ian is Abigail's first call when Ben is arrested.

It doesn't even take her a long time to reach the conclusion that this is her best option to get the Declaration back (and maybe find some treasure on the way).

Before this moment, Abigail is invested in the treasure hunt, but maintains a certain sense of plausible deniability—she was kidnapped into this after all, and while she's been tagging along on her own agency since the Jefferson Memorial, there's still a sense that she's only doing the things she's doing because she got caught up in the middle of a larger situation, and is doing what she can to ensure the Declaration remains unharmed.

Whether this would work out as a defense for her legally is one thing, but at least emotionally, Abigail can tell herself that she's not like these guys. She's not actually a treasure hunter, or a criminal, or somebody who would trespass on and damage historic buildings if not under duress. She's Just Trying to Protect the Declaration Godddamnit™.

But when she calls Ian, all that evaporates.

Sure, maybe she believes that Ben has a better chance of getting the Declaration back before Ian harms it than the FBI does, but Abigail has never expressed a mistrust in authority or a belief that the FBI can't or won't save the document. She could let them handle it.

Instead, she collaborates with the same criminals who were holding her at gunpoint the night before. It doesn't even take her long to make the decision to do so.

The sequence goes:

Ben gets arrested

Abigail and Riley slip away before they're spotted

In the park, Abigail asks Riley how to contact Ian

At the FBI field office, we join Ben and Sadusky at the end of Ben's interrogation

Ian calls proposing Abigial's plan

Abigail puts this plan into motion very quickly: between the time Ben is arrested and his arrival at the FBI office, presumably. She has to, because the plan is already in place by the time Ben is finished telling the story to Sadusky.

That's a pretty quick turn for someone who couldn't even fathom treasure hunting 24 hours earlier.

Over in Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl, Elizabeth started out working with the bad guys of her story, coercing and being coerced by Barbossa's crew, but now she finds herself in similar circumstances to Abigail. She's been separated from group and stuck with the team clown/genius while her beau is caught and captured. And Will's fate is going to be much worse than prison for a very long time if she can't get to him.

When Elizabeth is marooned with Jack, she sets a signal fire to summon the British Navy. Well, first she gets drunk on rum, sings sea shanties, aaaaalmost kisses Jack and thinks, yeah, no, I'm done with this. Then, she signals the navy.

And when they refuse to mount a rescue operation for Will, Elizabeth uses the only leverage she has left and agrees to marry Commodore Norrington.

Both women are sacrificing the futures they want for themselves in order to make these rescues. Elizabeth wants a future that includes Will and does not include Norrington. Abigail wants a future that includes her job protecting historical artifacts, and does not include losing any historically significant artifacts to a criminal.

Yet those are exactly the futures they are giving up by making these deals.

They are also, to some degree, lying.

Elizabeth, I think, truly does intend to marry Norrington although she obviously doesn't want to. Abigail says

ABIGAIL We made lan believe he could have the treasure. It was the only way we could get this far.

"Made Ian believe" implies to me that she is more actively lying and hopes they can find a way out of it. But that way is not guaranteed.

In both movies they are partnering with/manipulating a third party they don't want to be aligned with in order to get what they want (and risking their preferred futures in the process)

Gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss and all that.

Yikes this has gone on long enough. Part 3?

[vinkunwildflowerqueen]

are you worried about the Wicked movie? I am.

I am also really confused why Dorothy was in the trailer!

I'm going to answer the second part of this ask first with a quote:

"I didn't realise this was to do with The Wizard of Oz! It clicked like 40 minutes in, and after that, I really started to enjoy it."

-some guy behind me during intermission of Wicked in September of 2023.

And I've seen a few comments along these lines in the YouTube comments on the trailer in the past week.

There are absolutely people out there who have no idea what Wicked is; or who just would not connect the mental dots of "green witch- Wicked Witch of the West- Wizard of Oz". Maybe people out there who haven't even seen or really heard of The Wizard of Oz. Especially younger people- I teach high school. The number of times I mention a book/film that my students have no idea what it is... nothing makes me feel older than when I have to explain to a 15 year-old what The Lion King is (true story. But the kid knew Seinfeld??)

I don't remember if this was something I read or heard someone say once, but someone once said/wrote "movie studios assume audiences are stupid".

That, and the fact it is a teaser trailer and did not appear to be Act/movie 1 specific, is my guess as to why Dorothy and co are glimpsed in the trailer. To make it very obvious to people that yes, this is connected to The Wizard of Oz.

As to am I worried about the movie?

Not... not really? At least, not in the way some people may be. I'm not worried about if they're going to make it in a way that I love, because the odds of that are very low. Jon Chu and I, to the best of my knowlege, do not share a brain. And I'm pretty easily able to just set the movie aside if I dislike it that much and ignore it- like a certain season of Scrubs or any Pirates of the Caribbean movie past #3, or all of the MCU after Endgame (actually, often including Endgame and Infinity War).

I'm also really hoping/excited for the idea that the movies will bring new life into the fandom.

What I am worried about, I suppose (not sure if worried is the right word), is people seeing the film who haven't seen the show; and then reading my fanfiction and being like "you're doing it wrong because the movie did it like this".

I'm assuming Ao3 and FFnet will add a separate category once the films are out, so that we can easily sort bookverse vs musicalverse vs movieverse, and any combination thereof that people want to read/write.

And while I'm not sure about the FF world, I did see this happen with Percy Jackson when the TV show came out- people complaining about the TV show getting things "wrong" because they were different from the movie- because they hadn't read the books.

(storytime: I once showed a class The Lion King- the 1994 version- as an end of term treat, and after the lesson a girl came up and asked me where the 'Morning Report' song was. And I realised- in horror- that her copy of the movie she'd grown up with was the special edition DVD they'd released in the early 2000s with that song inserted back in. As far as she was concerned, that was how the movie went and what I'd shown them was WRONG.)

Rationally, I know that most people won't be an issue- they'll just filter accordingly and read what they want to read. But I'm fully expecting there to be at least drops of that, because I've already had bits of it over the years; of people commenting on my fics that something is "wrong" because it wasn't like the book- even if everything is clearly labelled as being based on the musical and not the book.

So I'm not really worried, I'm just... pre-emptively tired.

[markwateneymemorialcrater]

Honestly. CGI in movies peaked in the late 2000’s. Pirates of the Caribbean 3 probably being a notable peak. However that movie also marked the acceptance of overworking the CGI artists by studios. Like if you watch At Worlds End, Davy jones looks better than the CGI characters in marvel movies, despite having 15 years more advanced GCI and able to do far better renders.

Look at that majestic squid man! Totally reads are real.

So why is CGI in block busters now relatively bad? A lot of it can be blamed on studios unloading more work onto CGI artists rather than on pre production (avoidance of unions is part of why) i think they are also over-relying on CGI. Why devote 20 union set designers and builders a month of time to build a good set when you can film on a green screen, and farm out a cgi team in Asia for Pennie’s on the dollar?

Another thing that i think made the CGI in the 2000’s read better than modern day CGI is that is was still kinda shit. They had to work around its limitations. Davy Jones looks fantastic because they still used the actors eyes and makeup so they didn’t have to animate too much of the human emotion in eyes. They also were able to dodge the uncanny valley by simply making him so monstrous as to not read as “human”. They were able to get around his skin looking too rubbery by making him look constantly wet and you get those bright reflections so don’t have to worry about complicated light scattering within skin. Also he’s a squid man. He should look kinda rubbery anyways.

Let’s look at another CGI pioneer from the early 2000’s. Lord of the rings. Even more limited technology. But they used as many practical and in camera effects as possible. Where they use CGI, it’s to expand on the practical effects. It’s to blend a miniature with a full scale set shot. It was to add ten thousand horse riders to the 100 you got in full costume. Costumes by the way that were good enough even at the background character level to still be believable in close ups.

So this is a good give to demonstrate the blending of techniques. We have a miniature shot in the tower of orthanc. A full scale actor in costume in the foreground, and a fully CGI character (time to flex my LOTR knowledge and say that is the Ent Quickbeam) who is moving with believable weight and inertia for its size as well as having a fire simulation.

And sure. Some there are tells to the social effects. The CGI fire simulation looks a bit off. But it isn’t distracting. It still reads as believable.

And then look at marvel

The costumes are CGI. The background is CGI. The only thing that isn’t CGI is their heads. Which are still touched up with CGI to make it match the CGI. It also means that the actors have nothing to act against so their performance is affected.

Marvel movies have completely eliminated the concept of practical effects from the movie-watching public’s consciousness

[alolanroy]

2024 Watch Thread Part 6

Part 5

I accidentally deleted a few of these so some may be brief

Gundam Requiem for Vengeance: It is a true successor to MS IGLOO: well rendered, acceptably written but occasionally amusingly comical with its character animation. 6/10

Star Trek Beyond: With each rewatch, I notice how the characters directly state the themes of the film, though I can't help but love it. It has the spirit of trek in its heart. 8/10

Pluto (anime): The double-issue structure didn't work for me at the start, but it really won me over by the end. I really latched onto a few of the plotlines, though I was a little ahead for a few. 'Astro boy' and 'Gulf War' aren't concepts I ever expected to link in my head. 8/10

Wallace and Gromit-Curse of the Were-Rabbit: Delightful and funny. A great date night movie 7/10

Skyrim-Vigilant: The humble start belies the exponential scope and execution of each subsequent chapter. At a certain point I went from 'we get it, you like FromSoft' to 'holy shit' to 'damn that's believably canon'. Sadly, this mod left me with a net negative feeling. Certain items were bugged and poisoned my saves once I made it to Coldharbour. Unfortunately, I have to leave it unfinished.

Cybuster—I was curious about the premise, but when the obvious twist took 8 episodes to come to roost, I was checked out. I watched as much as I could before giving in and skipping around. The animation gets bizarrely budgeted and the digipaint inserts feel painfully stilted. This should've stayed as an OC robot in SRW. 3/10

Steel - There's something so good-natured about late 90's and early 2000s superhero movies. They didn't need to be accurate, but they knew how to have fun. Their commitment to camp allowed them to be creative in the way that makes tokusatsu good, Shaq's ear-to-ear grin is infectious. -8/10

Zelda Unknown Origins—This is such a capsule to the pre-Hyrule historia era of Zelda. The edges hadn't gotten sanded off yet, and this teenage angst won us over with its earnestness. There is a moment where the number of OCs overtakes the canon characters. -6/10

SantaStein - This had a little more juice than these low budget 'comedy' 'horror' movies usually do, but it never really delivered. -5/10

The Last Airbender (2010) - This is even more baffling as an adult. The Fire Nation didn't just throw the world out of balance when they started the way, they also have the only actors with any talent on their side. The only redeeming quality is the funny-bad bending. This movie sucks. -4/10

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl - A mechanically perfect movie. 10/10

Project Borealis Prologue - It all just feels wrong. The looks, sounds and feels of everything just don't feel right. It was too short for me to really get used to the different feel, but my first impression wasn't great. 3/10

A-Tech Cybernetic VR - I was excited for the doom 2016 VR that it seemed to be trying to be, but the execution wasn't there. The experience was just kind of off. All the equipment slots were in awkward overlapping positions and the enemies weren't that interesting. It particularly lost me when it cheated and spawned some zombies behind me in a dark corridor, and the whole experience just felt cheap from there. 4/10

The Man From UNCLE - More of these please. 7/10

Deadpool and Wolverine: Didn't move the needle for me at all. I think I smiled once? Huge Actman sure did turn in a performance this movie didn't deserve. 3/10

The Funny World of Pets - Few 'movies' have made me laugh this hard. Nonsensical dialogue that doesn't match canned animations of animals sitting in fixed locations, that occasionally cut to random stock footage of animals. I laughed so hard I begged for the guy with the remote to pause it. -9/10

Free Birds - What the hell, this movie was hilarious. Good comedic timing can overcome any shortfalls in its animation. Great group watch. 7/10

Troll 2: This film is truly bizarre but didn't reach the mythic heights I was promised. It was too interested in its attempts at plant gore and gross food stuff to pace the good-bad well. -5/10

PseudoRegalia - This game had a specific vision and felt like it executed exactly what it aimed to be. I did end up feeling good about the movement system by the end, but there were a few moments where the tolerances of certain chains of wall jumps were too tight to feel fun. 7/10

420BLAZEIT 2: GAME OF THE YEAR -=Dank Dreams and Goated Memes=- [#wow/11 Like and Subscribe] Poggerz Edition: Game of the year edition - It's like Stanley Parable Ultra Deluxe, but instead of having wit, it has movement. Blasted through this in one sitting with a friend. Having to use off-brand memes feels strange, but I'm glad they could work it into the plot. There were a lot of fun ideas and gameplay moments. Using side objectives for guns was a great way of giving clues to more hidden gags and incentivizing repeated play. 7/10

Sprawl - It took a bit for the combat to 'click' for me. Its mix of bullet time and addicting enemy arenas call to mind how I wanted Doom Eternal to feel, though I think it failed in the execution in a few areas. The first area didn't really explain the wall running particularly well, and I only found myself 'getting' it in the latter half. Unfortunately, the ending fell a little flat due to the script timing being a bit off. I'm a bit over Blade Runner-style orientalist cyberpunk now, but the trans pride flag in the background of the credits was amusing (not at all surprising tho lol). 7/10

Hero - Points for big imperial city shenanigans and wuxia action, but it didn't quite land for me. Maybe its because an error on netflix's end made the sound way out of sync. 6/10

Freaked - Possibly the most 90's movie that doesn't include a skateboard. The gag density makes up for any early overreliance on gross-out prosthetics. They just don't make comedies like this anymore. 7/10

The Seventh Seal - From its cultural footprint, I imagined the game with death to be a larger component of the film. The plague times were a good choice of settings for the discussion of man's relationship with mortality and feverous religion, but in the year 2024, media that was no doubt inspired by this got to me first. Its impact felt cushioned. 6/10 It feels like sacrilege to 'rate' this lower than a 90's comedy about gross-out freaks, but this didn't elicit as much of a reaction.

Marvel Rivals - They get points for great character picks and some entertaining character mechanics. There was a real effort here. While Gundam Evolution felt like it had less care put into it, I can't get that excited about yet another hero shooter. It reeks of mobile game. The format just puts me to sleep. I had more fun messing around in the training room with a friend than the matches themselves. 5/10

Kengan Ashura (final) - First of all, fuck Netflix for spreading this one season show across like 5-6 years and claiming it as an 'original'. By the end they finally figured out how to integrate the 2D and 3D animated elements to a point where it didn't matter anymore. I'm not sure if I can call it a diversity win when most of the LGBT+ folks are some combination of crazy, evil or annoying, but that seems to be the texture of this world, so I can't get too upset. Pretty good ending all things considered. Love a 'victory without winning the tournament' ending. 7/20

Oceans Eleven (1960) - I'm glad that by 2001 they figured out that watching people take phone calls wasn't interesting. The front half of the runtime is the 'assembling the crew' sequence at a pace I would barely consider reasonable. The characterization was so thin that I can't say it was worth it other than someone calling a terminal diagnosis 'the big casino'. If this was edited like a 21st-century heist movie, it would be the length of a TikTok. The mob apologia was pretty funny. 3/10

Oceans 11 (2001) - This movie is exactly as good as I remember it. Not sure how I feel about how it treats Julia Robert's character though. 8/10

Sonic 3 (2024) - Yes, these are predictable kids movies with jokes that don't really work, but Jim Carey is funny and my partner and I were hooting and hollering in the final act. 7/10

Klaus - This movie is so delightful. This may become a Christmas tradition 8/10

Arthur Christmas - The more I think on it, the more considered and witty this movie is. It looks the part of an animated movie of the time, but the wit and heart overcome any marks against it. 8/10

[kcrabb88]

Tagged by @everyonewasabird! Thanks friend <3

1) how many works do you have on AO3?

78

2) what’s your total AO3 word count?

869,705 

(Were Sailing by Orion’s Star still up it would be over a million which is sure something) 

3) how many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Les Mis, Phantom of the Opera, Hadestown, Black Sails, TURN, Captain America 

(Older, pre-Ao3 fandoms include Pirates of the Caribbean, Rurouni Kenshin, House MD, Criminal Minds, and I’m sure others I’m forgetting)

4) what are your top five fics by kudos?

Les Hommes de La Misericorde, my epically long OG partial barricade survival AU 

Between the Soul and the Star, my more recent Everyone Survives (including Javert and Valjean AU) 

As If It Might Turn Out This Time, my happier ending Hadestown AU, where Persephone has had enough, and Orpheus saves everyone but in a less tragic way

For the Soul of a Spymaster, my TURN fic that is a canon divergence in season 3, where Ben gets kidnapped by John Andre

When We Had Nothing, a post Winter Soldier one-shot

5) do you respond to comments? why or why not?

I often do, yes! I sometimes forget, but I’d say it’s probably a 70% response rate, when I’m able. I love love love hearing what people liked, and I want them to know how much I appreciate them taking the time to comment. Plus, I’ve made several close friends because I responded to their comment, so there’s that! 

6) what’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Hmm good question! The ones that come to mind are May History Remember Us, my 2020 Barricade Day Fic where I was uh, having some feelings, By Force of Friendship, my 2017 Barricade Day fic which is each Amis’ death through Enjolras’ eyes, and then Echoing a Song, my two-part Les Mis Hadestown AU, which has hope at the end for sure, but something near the end is really angsty. 

7) do you write crossovers? if so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

It’s not a crossover exactly, it’s more Les Mis but with worldbuilding elements of Hadestown, but Echoing a Song sort of fits. The most crossover crossover I ever wrote was a House MD/Criminal Minds crossover, back in the day. 

8) have you ever received hate on a fic?

I got one or two mean comments on Sailing by Orion’s Star when it was on Ao3, but otherwise not really? Not since I was a young teen getting the occasional flame for being a new writer, not unlike plenty of others in the early 2000s! 

9) do you write smut? if so what kind?

The only time I’ve written any smut, and it would definitely qualify as light, kind of artful smut was for a few scenes in She Was Bound to Love You and When She Heard You Sing, my lesbian girl Raoul and bisexual Christine series. There’s more in the latter fic, as I got comfortable writing love scenes. 

10) have you ever had a fic stolen?

Don’t think so! 

11) have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, one of my Les Mis ones. Ahhh I can’t remember which one though. 

12) have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not officially, but I’ve had friends who were either betaing for me or who I talked to in-depth about a fic that probably deserve a co-writing credit! 

13) what’s your all-time favourite ship?

Romantic ship is Raoul/Christine, platonic is Enjolras & Combeferre & Courfeyrac. Also Les Mis Wise I do dabble in romantic Poetry Smash, because they are, frankly, irresistible. 

14) what’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I don’t have any unfinished fics on Ao3, but I do have one on fanfic.net in House fandom that I wish I had finished! I won’t, but it was a good fic. 

15) what are your writing strengths?

I think characterization, for sure. I’ve also been told my descriptions and such have a cinematic quality, which I like! 

16) what are your writing weaknesses?

God, blocking. Not in action scenes, but in simple scenes in a room full of people. Also I think voice, sometimes? I do that thing a lot where I say something like “Character A saw/heard/felt” when I should just be direct rather than using the modifier. Also slipping tenses. 

17) what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I sometimes have little bits and pieces of dialogue in other languages. 

18) what was the first fandom you wrote for?

Rurouni Kenshin. Oh man, good times.

19) what’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

I may have turned it into books and made lots of changes, but, the OG fic of Sailing by Orion’s Star. Writing Les Hommes de la Misericorde was where I really started to come into myself, and it showed in that original SBOS fic. Plus like, the fic version of it taught me that I could turn it into an original work, and just the sheer joy I felt while working on that initial version was immense. 

No pressure tagging some folks! @phoenixflames12, @4beit, @amarguerite, @robertawickham, @apaladinagain

[historyman101]

Fena: Pirate Princess First Impressions

I watched the 1-hour premiere on Toonami with my friends on Discord. After sleeping and having a chance to collect my thoughts, I have a few things to say about it, both positive and negative.

Toonami has fallen by the wayside for me in recent years as they did not have any anime that grabbed my interest. This is actually the first time I’ve watched Toonami in many months. Fena: Pirate Princess and Uzumaki, first announced back in 2020, caught my attention as potential shows to latch onto.

It’s obvious to me that Adult Swim is investing heavily in this anime’s success and I thought that was one reason why we had a 2-episode premiere on Saturday night. However, after watching, I realize that it was also strategic: the two episodes don’t really do much other than set up the main conflict going forward and introduce the core cast of characters. Episode 3 seems to be where the action kicks off.

I’ve noticed a lot of people compare Fena to One Piece, and while I can see why given the importance of pirates and the vaguely 18th-century world, but beyond that initial aesthetic, that’s where the similarities end. If I can compare this to anything, it reminds me more of Scrapped Princess or Yona of the Dawn, especially the pirate arc of that story. In fact, the anime hits a lot of the same beats from shows of the late ‘90s and early 2000s from the animation, character designs, and overall plot.

Fena: Pirate Princess follows the titular Fena Houtman, who escapes an arranged marriage to uncover the secret of her deceased father’s final mission and become an independent woman. She’s accompanied by a troupe of ninjas who are all sworn to protect her family. I will say that it’s a fun, clever way to put an end to the eternal ninjas vs. pirates debate and I can’t help but think the folks at Adult Swim had a hand in that. 

Starting off with the positives, I’ll begin with the center of the story: Fena.

We’re only two episodes in and I already love Fena. She’s cute, funny, upbeat, and clearly has a wild, independent streak to her. That being said, some people may be a little chafed to see her largely being a distressed damsel for the majority of the first episode. However, that was never really a problem for me, as it’s obvious the anime is about her personal growth to being a take-charge woman. Her positive personality is also a good contrast for the world around her, since she starts off initially treated as an object to be bought and sold to the highest bidder. Fena’s introduction also serves as another positive for me in the series: the comedy.

I’ll be honest: I was rather taken aback to see the use of comedic slapstick in this anime when it looked to be billed as an action/adventure anime, but I never found it so overused that I started rolling my eyes. The comedic lighthearted moments weren’t too obtrusive for me to stop watching it, but it did catch me off-guard to see so much comedy in what I thought would be a serious show.

Speaking of disparate elements, there is some romance in this anime. The reason for this might be because of who’s directing the anime: Kazuto Nakazawa. In the runup to this anime’s premiere, Nakazawa cited one of his influences for Fena as shojo manga and it’s obvious that those elements are very present here, from the very first episode. And that wouldn’t necessarily bother me if Fena’s love interest wasn’t so cold and distant.

That brings me to my first criticism: Yukimaru.

I’m sorry, I just don’t like this guy. At one point I even called him “bargain bin Sasuke” in the stream and people immediately agreed with me. I get that he’s supposed to be this cool and aloof tsundere type who undergoes growth, but for someone who is supposed to be Fena’s oldest childhood friend, he treats her more as a nuisance than as someone to protect. For god’s sake, the first thing he does when they reunite is knock her out when she gets too chatty (a potential running gag that may turn off some viewers). I’m willing to give him a chance since we’re only two episodes in, but he still has a long way to go before he gets into my good graces.

Speaking of Yukimaru, the other problem I have is the other ninjas don’t really stand out to me in any meaningful way. Karin is the only one who I could potentially like as she’s portrayed as not only a gun afficionado and a gearhead (channeling some Winry Rockbell here) but I could also see her as a good friend and foil to Fena. The twins Kaede and Enju I see as either the funniest characters of the crew or the most annoying, depending on who you ask. Shitan is another cool hot guy that could provide grounds for a love triangle. Again, we’re only two episodes in, but if this starts going into shojo romance territory, I may be turned off. I can’t even really say anything about the others as they lack any kind of presence for me.

Let me circle around to another positive: the art direction. This anime looks visually striking and has some interested and varied locales so far. The island Fena escapes from reminds me a lot of sets from Pirates of the Caribbean. The entire island is covered in this purple light which gives it a foreboding air, especially in the red light districts. Fena’s room was packed with a lot of intricate details that tell me a lot of work went into the backgrounds and sets. 

The animation is no slouch, either. All the action sequences are eye-catching, the opening and endings are gorgeous to look at, and even the comedic asides looks visually appealing. If nothing else, this anime is pretty to look at, which is to be expected from a studio of such high caliber as Production I.G. (Ghost in the Shell, Psycho-Pass, Haikyu!!). 

My last criticism I have is the pacing of the show, which is rather breakneck and could cause some problems later if it continues at the current rate. Even the dialogue moves at a fast clip. I never felt like I got a chance to know all of the characters in this anime (except Fena) or understand the world. It might be because Jason DeMarco (VP of Toonami) has said this will only get more seasons if the first one does well in ratings, so they might just be going at the pace of a 1-cour anime to play it safe. However, I think that might work against the anime since there is only so much you can hope to accomplish in 13 episodes.  

Overall, Fena Pirate Princess doesn’t get off to a perfect start, but it’s sure a fun ride along the way. Fena is a cute and endearing protagonist who has the potential to be more, the world is a visually beautiful and interesting blend of 18th century steampunk, and there are even some moments that will make you laugh out loud. The potential love story might turn out to be lacking and the pacing may be too fast for some, but I’ve learned to never say never and always give everything a fair chance.

Can’t wait to see Episode 3.

[lovemesomesurveys]

How is your neck feeling today? It’s fine. It’s my back that is really acting up tonight. When was the last time you used deodorant? Yesterday. Have you ever worn color contacts? Nope. I haven’t worn any contacts. Who was the last person that wanted to beat you up? No one that I know of... When was the last time you told someone you loved them? Yesterday.

Have you ever hurt yourself because of love? Yes. What flavor is your toothpaste? Minty. How do your eyes feel? Tired. When did you last vacuum? I don’t do the vacuuming, it would be difficult for me to do. My mom recently vacuumed, though. Do you look good in hats? I like to wear them.  Do you ever delete people off your myspace? I’m sure I did sometimes. Back in those days I used to add people I didn’t know as well just cause it was all about having the most “friends.” I did those follow train thingies lol. Who was the last person to sleep over? My aunt for a few days a couple weeks ago. What’s the stupidest thing you’ve done in the past two weeks? I do a lot of stupid things. Can you touch your thumb to your pinky around your wrists? Yes. How does your stomach feel? It’s alright at the moment. When was the last time you burped? Earlier. When was the last time you had the hiccups? A couple days ago. Did you get anything in the mail today? Nope. Have you ever eaten breakfast for dinner? Yeah, we do that sometimes. What’s the last thing you saw outside your window? Currently I can’t see anything cause it’s 1AM and super dark outside, but the view out my window is just a tree and the fence. When you listen to music, how high is the volume? High enough. I don’t need to have it blaring. When was the last time you went to an amusement park? 3 years ago. Who did you last make fun of? Myself. Who did you last take a picture of? My myself on Snapchat. Do you believe in God? Yes. Have you ever been in a hospital for more than 3 weeks? Yeah, I’ve had to spend months in the hospital a few times. Do you shave your arms? No. What are you doing today? Same ol’ stuff. When is the next time you are going to take a shower? Tomorrow. Are you in love with anyone? No. Are you waiting for something to load? Nope. Who did you last mail a letter/post card to? We sent a postcard to one of my uncles recently. Do you like tap water? No. What’s your favorite ride at Disneyland? There’s so many, I love Disneyland. Soarin’ Over California and Pirates of the Caribbean are definitely a couple of the ones at the top of my list. What is the last liquid you drank? Water. Have you ever heard the assumption song? No. Have you ever mowed a lawn? No. What is your least favorite color? Brown. If you were a neon color, what color would you be? Pink perhaps. Are there any special events coming up? No. Is there anything in your hair? A hair tie and a scrunchie. Do you have a bookshelf full of books? I do. What’s the last video game you played? Secret Files 2 on Nintendo Switch. Did anyone sleep in your bed with you last night? Nope. Do you have a job? No. Do you ever wish you were someone else? I would just like to be an improved version of myself. Do you like animal print? Not to wear. I do love my giraffe print body pillow, though. Have you ever cracked your head open? Ahhh, no. What was your last surgery for? It was intestinal related. Do you like sea horses? No. What do you think of the Jonas Brothers? I was a huge fan back when they first came out and remained one until they broke up, but I kept up with Joe and Nick’s solo artist careers as well. Now they’re back together with a new album and they’re touring, and it’s pretty cool seeing them back together again. I really like their new CD. Where were you planning on going this summer? Summer is overrrrrr. Does anyone in your family have an alcohol problem? Not in my immediate family. Who is your newest cousin? One of my cousins had a baby almost a year ago. What is your favorite way to describe a not-so-smart person? Uh. Do you flirt a lot? No. It’s been so long since I’ve attempted to flirt at all. Why were you last dizzy? Just reading or saying the word will do it, thanks. Is there a tv in your room? Yep. Do you have an itch? Now I do. Thanks again. What do you think about chainmail? I haven’t received chainmail since the AOL days back in the early 2000s.  Are you waiting for someone to text you back? No. If some random person were to call you right now, who would it be? It would be a random person. Are you wearing socks? Yep. What do people compliment you most on? If anything about me physically, then it’s on my hair. Well, when it’s been recently dyed and styled and looks nice anyway. No one would compliment this mess I have now. Otherwise, it’s typically about a purse I have or shirt I’m wearing. How do you want to die? Blah.

[midnightswithdearkatytspb]

Favourite moment with your favourite person?

I sat on this for a few days because I don't think I have a favorite person if I'm being honest with you. I have people who I love deeply and I cherish our moments together and I have particularly favorite moments with them that I can share with you.

Mum — I lost her on April 21, 2016, and think about her almost every day. She had her struggles with addiction all of my childhood, but when she was sober she was amazing. My favorite moment I can remember being this little girl and I couldn’t sleep, I having this really bad hysterical moment, she had insomnia, took me in her arms out on to the back patio the moon was full and to she told me a story about this little girl who waited every night stayed awake at her bedroom window waiting for her best friend Pegasus, the horse. He would take her on a journey in the stars to far off destination each one never the same, together conquering her fears till she had no more. She held me in her arms for hours going on and on till dawn, I got to skip school. Up until her death she would bring Pegasus up.

Papa — I lost my Papa on August 5th, 2000, just a week after going home from spending the summer with both him and my aunt. He had spent over half my summer in a nursing home it was just an awful place, but I would go visit him there, and I would be sent out of his room so the adult could talk, while they talked the placed just smelled of death. Anyways... The very last summer my Papa was alive and the very last weekend I had with him he asked me if I would attend church with him. I said of course Papa. We got up bright and early we made homemade bread, put in the bread maker, and just me and him went to church together. My Nana stayed behind because it was just too early for her. Church was so beautiful he held my hand and cuddled me into his side, I remember feeling so special because it was just me and him. I had always had to share my Papa with someone, weather it was my Nana, my cousin, an aunt or uncle. It was the best day morning for 9 year old me.

Grandpa — You all know I just lost my to COVID Grandpa back on December 18, 2020, my favorite moment with him was walking in the park my grandparents house with him or playing in the snow for the first time. In November of 2009 we went to Minnesota and they had a blizzard, which they don’t really get in November, we were there for my birthday. I was so excited because this was just the best birthday gift ever, so my Grandpa was patient he bundled me up in leggings, jeans, boots, snow jacket, beanie, and a scarf, took me outside to play in it. At the time my grandparents had their golden retriever Queenie who was the same age as me and it was just so much fun. I got to build a snowman and we went for a walk in the park to see the frozen lake. It was just all so beautiful, when went back this last time I could almost see little me and Grandpa walking the same path. The lake was yet again in parts frozen over but melting away. I miss him deeply.

Grandma — I think every time I spend with my Grandma I leave saying this was my favorite time with Grandma, the only trips I didn’t like was my last trip when I we had to see my Grandpa though the window at his nursing home and the one when were went to have a memorial service for my Mum. My Grandma makes me just feel absolutely loved and adored. She reminds me during every phone call conversation of the things she loves about me tells me how proud she is to have me for a grandchild than talks about how proud she is to have the rest of her grandchildren, but I find that adorable. I just love her so much and I’m just so freaking lucky to have her.

Aunt Lara — My Aunt Lara is like a second mom to me, I spent parts of my summers with her and she always took good care me. What’s hard to decide is either her wedding to my Uncle Mike, who is a pretty cool guy who acts sometimes like a second dad to me. Or the 4th of July party of 2001, when I realized just how “popular” or cool my aunt was. I was a flower girl in my Aunt’s wedding and I should really say that Lara isn’t really my Aunt she is my 3rd cousin, but I call her my Aunt because it’s easier. On her wedding day she managed to make it about me still. Like she made me feel like a princess. My hair was done professionally, my nails were done professionally. She made sure no one made me cry. I felt like a princess on her day. It meant the world to me. At her reception she had the chicken dance played would she knew I was obsessed and Macarena and she made me dance with her. I went back to my parents hotel room with a smile on my face. Now the 4th of July party, there was just so many famous people and I 11 years old just going, I knew my aunt knew them but like why are they here? Like in that moment I understood how important my Aunts job was...though to this day I still get confused by it so please don’t ask, it involves contracts and trial science.

Dad — Dad is one of my best friends, I can tell him anything he wont judge me and he tells me everything and I don’t judge him. I help him understand things when they are changing and he helps me with stuff. My favorite moment probably be when Dad took me to Disneyland for my 26th Birthday, we hadn’t been since I was really little and I didn’t remember going. We rode on Pirates of the Caribbean 3x’s, Haunted Mansion 3x’s, Splash Mountain, Jungle Cruise, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (is that what it’s called?) and Peter Pan. We had dinner with my best friend Marissa and the next day we went to Universal Studios Hollywood to Harry Potter area and I just was in Heaven. When he talked to my Uncle about a few months later he said it was hilarious to watch my face light up, over the littlest things. 🤦🏻‍♀️ My favorite moments honestly are watching TV shows with my Dad like we just finished WandaVision and he cried along with me. Baking together in the kitchen, learning from each other, and just talking.

Ally — My best friend of 6 years Ally and I worked our asses off at the 2017 SDCC (San Diego Comic Con). We had such a blast doing that together but man did I get sunburned but it was worth it. We got to see each other and spend time together. She is coming up next week and we are going to be in the city at my Aunt’s (not my aunt Lara’s) and just enjoying our time together, because it’s been way to long since we have seen each other. We FaceTime quite a bit but it’s just not the same. 💗

[angelofberlin2000]

... because Reeves is the star, he has no equal.

Sep 18, 2017

To the surprise of absolutely no one, Lionsgate has announced and slotted John Wick: Chapter Three. The third entry in the accidental franchise is now slated for May 17, 2019.

I’ve always said that the weekend before Memorial Day is among the very best on the calendar, offering the potential for a big opening and then a solid holiday hold. Yes, last summer had Alien: Covenant, which was the least leggy such offering in recent history, but the slot has seen the likes of all four Shrek movies, all three Star Wars prequels, The Matrix Reloaded and Mad Max: Fury Road. So, yeah, Lionsgate watched Star Wars 9 ditch the Memorial Day opening weekend and saw an opening.

If we argue that a franchise grows bigger in stature by virtue of its release dates, then John Wick has been promoted yet again. The first installment was a genuine buzzy sleeper in October 2014. So, the sequel got a more high-profile launching pad over this past President’s Day weekend. We’ll see if the franchise peaked at part II (like Scream or Pirates of the Caribbean) or whether it builds on the third shot (or potentially goes crazy like Goldfinger or Skyfall.

Maybe the answer is somewhere in-between, but John Wick is now the rarest of things, an explicitly star-driven franchise. The success of John Wick is very much about the ongoing and periodically regenerated star power of one Keanu Reeves. Mr. Reeves is arguably the most successful movie star of the modern age in terms of creating wholly original and sequel-friendly franchises.

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 Sure, we can talk about his famous philanthropy, his understated and often underappreciated acting, his “sad Keanu” memes, or the fact that he apparently drank from Tuck’s well in the early 1980s and thus will never age. But what’s most impressive is that Reeves’ stardom persists in this IP/franchise-driven era. The secret is that the reclusive and philosophical actor has made a habit of creating a new iconic cinematic character on an almost generational basis.

Depending on how old you are, you may have discovered Reeves in the late 1980s with Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, where he so exquisitely played a good-hearted airhead that said characterization stuck as a kind of offscreen typecasting for decades. Or maybe you first saw the actor in Kathryn Bigelow’s Point Break, where overeager and exasperated FBI agent Johnny Utah and Patrick Swayze’s guru surfer bank robber essentially invented the testosterone-fueled bromance. It wasn't a big hit, but it spawned a remake, a satirical stage play (Point Break Live) and a loose rip-off that spawned a rather fast and furious eight films-and counting franchise.

Or maybe you discovered (or rediscovered) Reeves via Jan De Bont’s action classic Speed, which turned his onscreen kamikaze airhead reputation on its head for what amounted to a cheerful, well-mannered action hero. The film was slightly ahead of its time in casting a somewhat unconventional actor as its muscular action lead. It was a new trend begun by Die Hard and Batman and made mainstream when Nicolas Cage cashed in on his Oscar win to make The Rock, Con Air and Face/Off in the mid-1990s.

Reeves’ blockbuster action hit, which turned Sandra Bullock into a leading lady, kept Reeves’ name in good graces as he dabbled in smaller films and quirkier projects like A Walk in the Clouds, Feeling Minnesota or The Devil’s Advocate. While Reeves has long specialized in understated dramatic turns (not unlike Harrison Ford or Kevin Costner), Taylor Hackford religious melodrama/gonzo comic thriller, which gave us Charlize Theron, is a rare occasion where Keanu Reeves delivered a terrific over-acted performance. He held his own against a peak-ham Al Pacino.

But just as Reeves’ star was fading, he gave us a new iconic cinematic character for a new generation in the guise of Thomas Anderson. You may know him as Neo, but The Matrix was one of the most influential major studio releases of our time, and the Wachowskis’ mind-bending cyberpunk action trilogy became Reeves’ biggest grossers here and abroad. And whether they acted as a gateway drug for younger would-be Reeves fans or served to reignite the fandom born of Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, Point Break and Speed, The Matrix gave Reeves yet another defining and iconic cinematic character to call his own.

By the time the Matrix franchise wrapped up in late 2003, the industry was starting to do away with outright star vehicles, especially those not based upon prior source material. So, it’s no surprise that Reeves’ two big hits in the mid-to-late 2000s were Constantine (a loose adaptation of the DC Comics title Hellblazer) and The Day The Earth Stood Still (a remake of a classic 1950’s sci-fi drama). Both films earned around $230 million worldwide on budgets of $100m and $80m respectively. Fun fact: Until Wonder Woman, Constantine was the biggest DC Comics adaptation without Batman or Superman ever.

The post-Matrix 2000’s offered a few small-scale winners (I will defend Reeves and Sandra Bullock’s The Lake House, a moving meditation on adult loneliness, unto death) and worthwhile indie films (Thumbsucker, The Private Lives of Pippa Lee, etc.), but the mainstream stuff (Street Kings, 47 Ronin) didn’t stick. Even the actor admits that the phone stopped ringing as much, although he did produce and narrate a terrific documentary (Side by Side) about digital video versus conventional film stock and direct the delightfully entertaining Man of Tai Chi.

And on paper, John Wick probably looked like a somewhat lower-rung, glorified VOD actioner better suited to Bruce Willis or Scott Adkins, a kind of “Oh, I guess Keanu Reeves is making a Taken knock-off” grindhouse offering. But the stylized and stylish actioner, starring Reeves as a retired hitman drawn back into the fray after Russian mobsters kill his newborn puppy, was a rarity. It was a genuine, under-the-radar sleeper hit.

The picture, directed by Chad Stahelski and David Leitch, was picked up by Lionsgate less than three months prior to its eventual late-October 2014 release and turned into a genuine mainstream hit. Thanks to good reviews, strong buzz and a solid marketing campaign that treated the film as a generational coronation for the occasionally underappreciated movie star, the picture vastly overperformed its pre-release tracking estimates, opening with $14 million and legging it to $43m domestic and $88m worldwide on a $30m budget.

That’s not a king’s ransom, but the picture, which played off Reeves’ star persona as a Zen-like man of action (and the fact that he had been somewhat MIA from mainstream movies), became an instant genre favorite and would-be cult classic. It was a big post-theatrical hit and John Wick: Chapter Two opened this past February as a true breakout sequel with a $30 million debut weekend for an eventual $92m domestic and $171m worldwide gross on a $40m budget.

The John Wick franchise is rooted in the idea of seeing Keanu Reeves specifically as John Wick, specifically because of Reeves’ performance and how the character plays off his persona. And that applies to all his defining characters, from Ted to Neo to Wick. Plenty of actors have one or two iconic/defining cinematic characters to their credit. Reeves has at least four (Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, Speed, The Matrix and John Wick) and possibly five (if you want to count Point Break’s Johnny Utah). Moreover, all of them stemmed from original screenplays sans any attachment to branded content or preexisting source material.

Moreover, all of them stemmed from original screenplays sans any attachment to branded content or preexisting source material. In 2017, Reeves is still around, still relevant, and still creating wholly original cinematic franchise-friendly characters. It would be like if Harrison Ford were still creating new characters as popular as Indiana Jones or Han Solo. Or, it would be like if Hell of High Water or Blackhat did even 25% of what Star Trek or Thor did at the domestic box office.

It is that ability (aside from the whole talent/charisma/professionalism/commitment stuff), to create new characters just often enough to snag new fans and reacquaint himself with older fans that keeps the actor exciting and bankable even in an IP/branded content world. Most actors are lucky to have one iconic character. Some, like Alan Rickman, get two. Keanu Reeves has at least four, all of which are wholly original cinematic creations.

Like Denzel Washington and Leonardo DiCaprio, Keanu Reeves is still a movie star because he remains bigger than the property and can score big bucks and new fans absent any property at all.  And unlike any of his peers, he has a knack for embodying wholly original characters that redefine (or reenergize) his stardom right when the wick is about to burn out. And in terms of starring in films that create sequel-friendly franchises, franchises that succeed specifically because Reeves is the star, he has no equal.

 Thanks to mr-reeves.com !

[trashmenofmarvel]

Homeward, Part 10

Pairings: Ward x friend!Reader, Danny x friend!Reader

Prompt: Reader is an abusive relationship with a member of the Hand and seeks out her childhood friends for help. (prompt by @rune-of-a-writer)

Warnings: Swearing, Implicit Domestic Abuse, Angst

Word Count: 3,416

AO3

Master List

You opened your eyes and immediately froze. It took a few harrowing seconds for your eyes to adjust until you recognized the corners and shapes of Danny’s bedroom. You finally released your death-grip on the comforter.

It was just a dream. It wasn’t real. I’m safe.

It had been jumbled and confusing, but you were fairly sure your ex had been involved, and you were trapped. Unable to escape, even though the door to your old apartment was wide open. A pressure gripped your neck tightly, and you were paralyzed, unable to save yourself.

Your heart was still hammering in your chest. Not quickly, but slow and hard, and the tips of your fingers and toes tingled from sudden blood flood.

Shaking off the foul nightmare, you climbed out of the bed and stumbled across the darkened room, wondering what time it was. Picking your phone up from the nightstand, you realized it was half past seven.

“Shit,” you hissed as you put the phone back into your pants pocket. How long had you been asleep? Danny was probably pacing a trench into his lush, expensive carpet at your departure while Ward rolled his eyes at him.

Ward is worried too, you told yourself with a furrowed brow. Even if he hides it well, he wouldn’t bother unless he cared. Right?

The question was left unanswered as you opened the bedroom door and walked down the hallway into the living room, expecting to find one or both of them lounging as they had the night previously. Instead, you were met with a silent apartment. Lonely with bright lights filling the empty spaces.

Dejection filled your chest, and you immediately tried to shake it off. Danny and Ward weren’t here at your beck-and-call; they had lives of their own, and you were a guest in Danny’s home. A poor guest at that, judging by the fact you had just ditched them for the last several hours to nap away your feelings.

Rubbing your arms to ward off the feeling of isolation and loneliness, you walked into the kitchen to find it was also empty. Where are they? The question hung over your head as you opened the cupboards one by one, eventually finding the glasses you sought. You weren’t quite brave enough to raid Danny’s fridge and pantry for food, but you could at least draw yourself a glass of water.

After you filled the cup with water from the sink, you stared at the wall above the facet. Instead of a window, there was a small painting in a dark frame. It was simple but beautiful; elegant black ink was etched across the thick paper, depicting a mountain range topped with snow. A solitary brown hawk floated above its peaks, and it only served to make you feel even more separate from the rest of the world. As if you were the only person left on Earth.

You didn’t know how long you remained that way, ensorcelled by the painting with its haunting lines and mesmerizing grace, but you didn’t sense the presence behind you until it spoke.

“You’re awake.”

“Shit!”

You cursed loudly as the cup you were holding slipped from your startled grasp, banging noisily in the sink.

At least it didn’t break. Thank God for that.

You spun around, heart pounding once more even though you recognized the voice and knew its owner wouldn’t harm you. Ward stood in the kitchen doorway, and… you couldn’t stop staring.

Ward had changed into something far more casual, a dark blue shirt with black jeans and boots. His hair had been rinsed of whatever product he used to slick it against his scalp, and now it hung around the edges of his temples in a loose frame.

There was no way you could avoid noticing the appealing way his shirt clung tightly to his torso and arms (since when the hell did Ward have muscles?), nor the way his jeans fit snugly against his slim hips and long, lanky legs.

“Sorry,” he said in a low voice, glancing from the sink to your face, and you prayed nothing of your thoughts had escaped into your expression. “Didn’t mean to startle you.”

“I… I didn’t know anyone was here,” you responded, mentally patting yourself on the back for your words not coming out in a squeak. “I just woke up,” you added, as if that weren’t completely goddamn obvious and your mind wasn’t spinning in its tracks as you continued to stare at your friend as if you had never seen him before.

“I can tell,” he said with the barest hint of a smile, eyes flicking upward to the mess that was your hair. You could feel the heat creep into your cheeks, embarrassed by how ruffled you appeared compared to this veritable Adonis in front of you.

“Sleep well?”

“Uh…” Holy hell, when had Ward gotten so damn attractive? Why did the ability to form words suddenly escape you? “Yeah, I guess. Uh. Where’s Danny?” You were desperate for a change of subject, but also wondered where he’d gone and… Why was Ward still there anyway? Didn’t he have a home to return to? He was obviously wearing different clothing and he looked like he’d washed up, so why was he still in Danny’s apartment?

“Out,” he said with a half-hearted shrug, but he looked away from you as he did. “You know how he is.”

Actually, you didn’t have a clue how Danny behaved normally, so you just kind of stared at Ward until he cleared his throat and pulled his phone from his pocket.

“You’re probably starving. There’s a Thai food place around the corner. I’ll order us some food. If you want,” he added, looking up from his phone with a seriousness that would have been sort of endearing if you weren’t still reeling over the fact that he looked like some kind of Tommy Hilfiger model.

“I don’t want to be a bother,” you responded automatically, and Ward gave an amused snort.

“You’re not.” He went back to his phone, sliding his thumb across the screen as he casually added,” If anyone is a burden and an annoyance to Danny, it would be me. Do you have any food allergies?”

“Huh? Oh. No.” You blinked from the abrupt change of subject and wondered what he meant about bothering Danny. But Ward didn’t say anything further, so you slowly walked forward, stopping about halfway across the kitchen as you leaned against the island counter.

Ward finally looked up from his phone, said, “Done. Food should be here in a bit,” before blinking as he saw you had somewhat closed the distance. He was even more astonishing up close, and you were amazed that he somehow hid this casually, yet irresistibly alluring aura under the starched, refined business exterior.

“I wanted to apologize for this morning,” you blurted out before you lost your courage, your left hand gripping the edge of the counter as if for balance. “I shouldn’t have snapped at you. It was dick move on my part, especially when you were just trying to help. You and Danny have been nothing but wonderful to me, and I’m… I’m really sorry.”

Ward didn’t respond immediately to your awkward, heartfelt apology, though his forehead creased as he studied your face carefully.

“I shouldn’t have spoken down to you like a child,” he finally said, his expression relaxing in a way that made him look younger and less beaten down by the world. Even his dark eyes didn’t seem as hard as they usually did. “It’s not what you deserved. You’re an adult, and I should have treated you as such. I… also apologize.”

“Thank you,” you replied with a small smile, and for just a moment you had the insane urge to move forward and wrap your arms around his chest. If he had been Danny, you probably would have, as he seemed receptive to casual physical contact. But in that moment, all you could think about was Ward clinically describing to Danny how his father beat him. And how you had rushed at him the night before. You had no idea how Ward felt about being touched, and from what little you had observed there was a significant chance it would only make him uncomfortable.

So instead of wrapping your arms around him like you really wanted, you smiled up at him in a way you hoped was composed as you asked, “So. What should we do until the food gets here?”

“Um.” Ward seemed to flounder at the question, his jaw working but no words came out, and you took brief pleasure in not being the only one to have your tied tongued.

“I wonder if Danny has any movies,” you commented with a perfectly innocent tone, noticing that Ward turned to continue watching as you walked past him into the living room. “I hope so. Poor guy has a lot of catching up to do when it comes to pop culture references.”

Ward followed you to the far side of the living room where the wall-mounted flat screen was located, but didn’t speak as you kneeled in front of Danny’s collection of DVDs.

“I can’t believe he bought actual physical copies,” you murmured as you opened the cabinet below the screen to begin pulling them out, examining their covers before placing them back. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith, Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl. Danny seemed to have collected the biggest hits of the early and mid-2000’s.

Just after he and his family went missing, you realized with a start. The thought made a stone drop into the pit of your stomach. Danny had missed so much, the rest of his childhood stolen from him. It really did feel as if Danny had come back from the dead, and an echo of the grief you had experienced over his disappearance rang in your chest.

“You think that’s bad,” Ward responded wryly, snapping your attention back as you rapidly blinked. “I had to stop from buying an old VHS after he wouldn’t believe me that they don’t make cassettes anymore.” You looked over your shoulder to find him standing next to the couch in front of the TV, standing with his arms folded over his chest. You had to look back to the collection of films to keep from letting your eyes roam over his body, like some kind of degenerate pervert.

“I bet he was pretty impressed with how advanced cell phones are now. A lot different from the flip phones we used to have,” you commented as you finished going through the sparse library. You found the one you wanted, and pulled it out with a barely suppressed grin. Perfect.

Ward gave an amused snort and said, “Danny thinks they’re ridiculous. Said a phone was for making calls, and if he wanted to use the Internet he would just get on a computer. He’s a regular Luddite, our Danny.” You felt an unexpected flush of warmth from hearing Ward say those words. Our Danny. You didn’t know why. What you did know was, you wouldn’t be able to hide the blush in your cheeks now.

“Find one?” Ward asked when you didn’t speak, silent and cross-legged on the ground.

“I did.” You stood up, praying the blush wasn’t as obvious as it felt, and walked to Ward with your heart pounding faster than normal. You held the DVD case up to him, trying to keep a straight face and failing. Ward squinted at the title.

“Is that the one with the talking fish?”

Your smile faded.

“Are… are you serious?”

Ward rolled his eyes and said, “Do I look like a ten year-old child to you?”

You made quite the offended noise as you pulled the case back, hugging it against your chest.

“Finding Nemo is a classic! It’s for people of all ages!” You peered at him when he didn’t respond, and you realized he was actually serious. “You’ve really never seen it?”

“I have better uses of my time,” Ward responded, fixing you with a partial glare that you found oddly exciting rather than intimidating. What was wrong with you?

“Well, not tonight you don’t.”

Ward blinked and opened his mouth to object as you turned back to the DVD cabinet. The DVD player was sitting on a shelf next to the collection of films, and you supposed Ward had been unable to sway Danny into buying a Blu-ray player and was forced to settle on the older DVD player. The thought made you smile even wider as you placed the disc into the tray after it popped out.

“We are not watching a movie about cartoon fishes.”

“They’re high-quality, animated, CGI fishes,” you corrected him patiently, quite enjoying the exasperation in his voice.

“I don’t care if they’re magical, real-life guppies who can talk out of their asses—“

Ding-ding.

“Door,” you responded while looking over your shoulder at him, grinning widely. He gave a grand rolling of the eyes before turning away, striding toward the front of the apartment on legs that were so long they should have been outlawed.

“Classy, (Y/N). Real classy,” you grumbled under your breath as you got to your feet, moved over to the couch and plopped down on it. You really had to get your lust under control. It was weird, and distasteful, and very, very inappropriate.

Unfortunately, it was also helpful. You realized you hadn’t thought about the incident since you had woken up from your nap and Ward had appeared. He had successfully managed to take your mind off of things without even consciously trying. It made a slow, warm sensation spread across your chest, and you found yourself grinning like some kind of blissful idiot.

“Food’s here,” Ward announced as he placed the bag of take-out on the coffee table in front of the TV.

“Shouldn’t we wait for Danny?” you asked, sitting up as Ward lifted out two white take-out containers and set them on the glass surface.

“He can eat his portion when he gets back.” Ward pulled the utensils from the bag next, two sets of plastic forks.

“And when will that be?” you asked curiously.

“Haven’t a clue. He didn’t say.”

Your brows furrowed from the cavalier statement, but Ward didn’t seem to be worried, so that was probably a sign you shouldn’t call in an APB on Danny just yet.

Still, Ward didn’t have to be so obtuse about it. As petty revenge, you reached over and grabbed the paper-wrapped chopsticks he had just pulled out of the bag. It earned you a glowering look which you ignored as you ripped the paper, pulled out the chopsticks, and split them apart. All with a little, cheeky grin on your face.

“Really? You know how to eat with chopsticks?” he asked in a disbelieving tone and a quirk of his eyebrows.

“Uh-huh,” you responded impishly, glancing up to savor the look on his face. It was an expression cause somewhere between amusement and annoyance.

“So, what did you order for us?” You pulled a box toward you and opened it to see thick noodles, bright carrots, green onions, and green beans. And on closer inspection, what you thought were chunks of meat was actually something else. “Is that… tofu?”

“It’s Danny’s favorite place. All vegetarian. I can’t get him to order from anywhere else,” Ward added, almost seeming sheepish at the confession. It made you give a small laugh, which felt really good after everything that had happened. The idea of Danny being stubborn and obstinate about everything while an exasperated Ward tried to reason with him was probably one of the most enjoyable mental images you’d had in a while.

“You two sound close. Closer than I remember, anyway,” you asked in a smooth tone, glancing sideways at him. Ward didn’t seem to buy your nonchalance as he peered back at you carefully. His own box of noodles was opened in front of him, but he seemed much more intent on you than the food. It made you want to squirm, his attention making it feel like there was a spotlight on you in a way it hadn’t before.

“I suppose. We do run a company together.”

“That’s not exactly what I meant.”

“Okay. What did you mean, then?” You could tell he was trying to keep the impatience out of his voice, but he definitely wasn’t the sort of person to beat around the bush.

You inwardly winced at broaching the subject, but it had to happen eventually.

“I mean, are you two, like… together?”

Ward stared at you blankly. Apparently, you would have to clarify.

“You know, as in… are you two a couple?”

Ward blinked once. And then burst into laughter so sudden it actually startled you. He threw back his head and guffawed, and it was so unexpected you nearly dropped your chopsticks too.

“Are… are we…”

Ward could barely speak, he was laughing so hard, and all you could do was stare in disbelief. You had never heard him laugh like that before. It was a deep, throaty sound, and totally unlike the stiff, serious man you knew. You didn’t know whether to be impressed or deeply disturbed.

Ward was wiping away the tears from his eyes now, still chuckling but managing to get his laughter under control.

“Wow… okay… Not what I expected, but okay…” he responded after a moment. You continued to stare at him in muted shock, and he cleared his throat as he tried (and failed) to wipe the grin off his face.

“No. Danny and I aren’t together. I can barely be around the guy for more than five minutes without wanting to strangle him with his own girly tie.” Ward gave another chuckle, pulling apart his own set of chopsticks as he shook his head. “God, can you imagine if we were dating? Rand would need a new CEO or two after one of us murdered the other in a homicidal rage. Plus, the office probably would have exploded. Again.”

That made you blink, remembering. The top floor of Danny and Ward’s office building had had a gas leak a few weeks ago, and basically leveled the penthouse floor in the middle of the night. When you had heard the news, you’d called Danny immediately. It had come as a staggering relief that Danny and Ward hadn’t been there when it happened.

You also remembered how Josh had asked you who you’d been talking to on the phone, his tone even and relaxed but you could hear the anger on the edges.

You violently shoved the memory as you pulled your focus back to Ward. The smile was slowly fading from his face, and you fervently hoped nothing had been revealed in your expression.

“Why do you ask?” He was definitely looking at you more closely now, and you fumbled awkwardly with your words as you tried to compose yourself.

“Oh. Uh. Just curious.” Ward didn’t seem to buy that for a second, and the intensity of his stare forced you to look away. You picked up the remote from the coffee table, hoping to start the movie and change the subject of Ward’s life (which was none of your damn business anyway).

“I know I’m not the easiest person to open up to,” he responded slowly, inevitably forcing your gaze back to him. “But you can speak your mind here. No one will judge you. Certainly not me.” He shrugged, almost self-conscious as he focused down at the box in his hands, poking at his contents with his own chopsticks. “Just a thought.”

“Thank you, Ward,” you responded, and you meant it. It had been a long time since you could be honest about your thoughts and emotions. About anything, really. Josh hadn’t exactly been big on communication, especially towards the end.

“No need to thank me, just stating the obvious,” he said with a shrug you could have sworn was embarrassed, and it made you smile. It was startling how comfortable you felt in Danny’s apartment, sitting and chatting with Ward. Much more at-ease than you had been in your own home.

Just the thought of your ex sent an unpleasant shiver up your spine, and you turned your focus back to the television.

Next Chapter

[jess-goes-travelling]

Alrighty - I really narrowed myself down to 10 photos so I don’t bombard you. But like any normal human, I was excited to be here, I was back to being 7, getting Sleeping Beauty on VHS, the one Disney Movie I had wanted for the whole year! I won’t lie, I almost wet myself at some point cause I was trying to fit everything else in and forgot about my bladder. So ... in order:

1. Me having a freakout, I’M AT ANAHEIM’S DISNEY! 2. It’s a small world - had to, and each of us understood different languages, though mine was oh so basic. 3. Flynn Rider’s wanted sign - cause why not! 4. These sneaky four were having an argument while people waited for photos! 5. STAR WARS ... did you see my shirt, I was more than excited. 6. An arcade type thing ... don’t worry, I was aiming for a high corner at the back! 7. Captain Jack Sparrow, I was ecstatic one this ride, the only one I wanted to do right from the beginning. 8. Rocky Mountain at sunset 9. The Electrical Parade ... we were told it wasn’t anything to fuss over - it was! 10. Can you tell I like my pirates?

That day was just one big adventure. Celeste and I were hyped and Fran was sick as a dog. I drove us out to Anaheim, luckily we could check in to our room early. Celeste and I left Fran there, booked ourselves on the 10am bus to Disney and went to Denny’s for breakfast. It took forever and we got back JUST IN TIME for our bus. Fran stayed behind for an hour nap and met us just after we’d walked to the end of main street, I was sat with the kids watching Mary Poppins and Bert dance with musicians behind them while Celeste went to get Fran. We then helped a fam take their picture and they took one for us before heading for the Snow White ride. Peter Pan next, and all the while I was busy planning how I would do this if i were a parent, which lead to me parenting the girls and organising us as best I could (which went out the window when you’re with a 30 year old and a twenty something girl). Then I went to Mad Hatter’s shop and bought myself a hat, once done we trekked it out to It’s A Small World, the line was long and I had a child that was more than happy to keep leaning against my legs while in the queue, but hey, what’s Disney for? Then STAR WARS! So good, i lost the girls the moment I stepped inside the museum like setup. I enjoyed looking at the models and reading the design notes and watching the interviews with everyone from way behind the scenes. Seems everyone is just as excited and in awe of working for Disney as I’m sure we all would be. We waited for a grand total of two minutes for the Buzz Lightyear Laser ride till the girls decided it was lunch time. I said I wasn’t leaving, so they nipped off and got hot dogs, bringing them back to the queue. I was up against Fran in the laser pod, we have to shoot all the alien invaders with the laser guns we have, while the pod spins about and whizzes by them all, I aced it - 141300 to 26700!!!!

We walked behind Maleficent for a while then headed in to ToonTown where Celeste and I went on the Wile E Coyote ride leaving Fran to queue for a pic with Minnie. Once we were off the ride, I joined Fran and got to meet Minnie Mouse then we sped through to meet Mickey!!!!! Incredible how those people stay in that to meet how many people, I’d like to know if they smile in the suit or are just stonefaced the whole time. Met some princesses and got photos with them - Cinderella, Ariel and Snow White. We stopped for a few selfies then went to one of the cafes and got almost front row seats to the 4pm Parade. That was sweet, glad I didn’t miss that, I liked that everyone had their own songs as they came past. The girls wanted more to eat even though we’d said we’d wait, I think Celeste could see how annoyed I was getting with all the stops for food, so she came with me to Pirates of the Caribbean ... GAH!!!! I wanna have my wedding reception in the restaurant there. We got out and Fran was in line to the Haunted Mansion, we joined her, even though I was shitting myself before getting to the ride, once inside, it’s not all that scary. We went on the jungle river cruise, that was filled with sarcasm and Dad jokes, brilliant. Then (yes I know it’s my hundredth then... but it’s Disney) we had a little shoot up at one of the stands in the Western land, stayed there for a long queue for Rocky Mountain. When we finally got to a member of staff, we ... well the girls, asked if we’d make it to the ride and off by the time the light parade started, he said hell no that we had another 20mins of waiting in front of us (which is what I had been saying). It was by now 2000 in the evening and Fran was tired. So we all went on the ride, hopped off and Fran went back to find the bus to get a lift back to the hotel. Celeste and I stayed on at the park. We went on the carousel, Mad Hatter’s Tea Cups, went into the lego store, I built myself an evil R2 unit. Then we had dinner, I had a kids meal, as I’ve said many times, I’m a child. Then there was the Electrical Light parade, and we sat on the curb of Main Street for it, by now I was freezing and it was 2230 and I had sunburn and only Tshirt and Shorts to keep me warm... silly Jessie.

After the parade ended, Celeste and I ran back to the bus as it was the last for the hotel. And that was my day at Disneyland - AMAZING!

[anycontentposter]

21 Things To Do in Cozumel: Mexico’s Top Island

There are many things to do in Cozumel – Mexico’s largest Caribbean Island. When we mention Cozumel to other travellers, their eye’s glaze over and they imagine silvery white sandy beaches, swaying palm trees and an azure blue ocean. Cozumel certainly offers all of that, and much more.

When travelling Mexico, you may decide you just want to chill out on this Caribbean island (only 30 miles long and 10 miles wide), and I understand completely. But, after visiting here, I recommend you leave the beach behind and experience the many other things to do in Cozumel.

Would you be able to fit in a submarine tour, snorkelling the 2nd largest coral reef in the world, visiting a Mayan archaeological site or trying an ancient Mayan chocolate recipe in just a few days? Probably not! This is one of the top places to visit in Mexico, so give yourself some time here.

I highly recommend that you plan a minimum of a week to see all the things to do in Cozumel, you may even want to plan 2 weeks. With numerous incredible things to do in Mexico, make sure Cozumel is on your list. 

Note: This article has been updated for 2020 to reflect the best activities, excursions and costs in Cozumel. Enjoy your trip!

Where is Cozumel?

Map showing the location of Cozumel

The Island of Cozumel or “Isla Cozumel” as it’s known in Spanish is located 12 miles off the coast opposite Playa del Carmen in the Yucatan Peninsula. Cancun, known as “Mexico’s top party destination” is 45 miles to the north of Cozumel.

Cozumel is the quieter alternative to Cancun and Playa del Carmen. Actually, one of the best things to do in Playa del Carmen is to take a ferry across to tranquil Cozumel. In Playa del Carmen, the terminal is located downtown near the main square. In just 30 – 45 minutes, you’ll cross the sea and arrive in Cozumel. Click here for the Cozumel Ferry schedule, which includes costs.

When is The Best Time to Visit Cozumel?

Mexico travel can be enjoyed year-round, but the best time to visit Cozumel is during the months from March to June, before the hurricane season commences. The hottest months are July and August which coincides with the hurricane season that lasts until November. Winter is Cozumel’s busiest period and it runs from December through to March.

Getting to and From Cozumel

Before you can enjoy all the fun things to do in Cozumel, you need to get there. Most people will arrive at the Cancun airport. From here, you have a few options to get to the ferry terminal in Playa del Carmen (to take the boat over to Cozumel). 

You can either take the bus, hire a taxi, or opt for a shuttle from Cancun to Playa del Carmen. This is the fastest, safest and most comfortable to get to the Cozumel ferry. Click here for details about airport transfers.

Once you’ve arrived at the ferry port, you’ll need to take the 30-minute boat across. Click here to learn more and to book tickets for the fast ferry to Cozumel.

Now that you know when to visit and how to get there, here’s my list of the top things to do in Cozumel that you don’t want to miss! 1. Visit Punta Sur Ecological Park

Punta Sur Eco Beach is the best beach on the Island, and a visit to this eco-park is definitely one of the top things to do in Cozumel. This area is located on the south of the island and covers an area of 2,500 acres. Here you’ll find exotic birds, crocodiles, sea turtles, beautiful flowers and beautiful beaches – the perfect place for nature lovers.

If you don’t feel like snorkelling the reef or visiting the lighthouse (see below), you can just hang out on hammocks and enjoy the sun. There’s an entrance fee for this park ($16 USD for adults and $10 for children), but in my opinion, it’s worth it. Click here to learn more and to pre-purchase your tickets.

Within the Punta Sur Eco Park is the Celarain Lighthouse, which was constructed to warn sailors at night of the dangers of running aground off the southern coast of Cozumel. The Lighthouse is now part of a maritime museum. For 360 degree views of the Island, you can climb the 127 steps to the top. On a clear day you can even see the coast of Cuba, but unfortunately for us, that was not the case.

Entrance fees to the Punta Sur Eco Park include the Celerain Lighthouse.

A 40-minute tour of the Marshlands of Punta Sur Ecological Park is also available. They can’t guarantee that you will see any crocodiles on the day of the tour, but you will see many species of birds especially the roseate spoonbill.

The Punta Sur Ecological Park has so much to see and do, there’s even a Mayan Ruin here. El Caracol ruin – also called Tumba del Caracol because of its small size – dates back to 1200-1500 AD.

Caracol means snail in Spanish and the ruins were named this because of the snails that decorate the small dome on the top of the temple. The structure was built as an early hurricane warning system for the Mayan people. The roof was constructed in a way that the strong breeze gave a humming noise alerting the Mayans of the impending danger.

2. Playa Mia Grand Beach Park

If you’re looking to visit a beach park during your trip to Cozumel, consider Playa Mia Grand Beach Park, an ethical adventure park. While there are many “marine parks” that may sound great, Goats On The Road doesn’t recommend visiting them due to the captivity of wild animals. 

Check out Playa Mia Grand Beach Park instead. Here, you’ll have use of snorkels, waterslides, pools, kayaks, hobie cats, paddle boats, volleyball courts and more. This park doesn’t have any animals in captivity, which is why we recommend it. Entrance fees start from $30 USD. Another option is to take a tour on a catamaran boat, including the Cozumel Reefs National Marine Park for snorkelling, and a visit to Playa Mia Grand Beach Park (with food and drinks). Click here to learn about that day tour in Cozumel, or click the image below.

*Note that Goats On The Road does not condone any tourism activities that involve cruelty to animals, or promotes their captivity. We’ve been advised that the Chankanaab Beach Adventure Park and many places to visit in Mexico offer tours such as swimming with dolphins. Please be a responsible traveller and consider where you want to spend your tourism dollars, and avoid any animal shows or activities. It’s way more fun to see the animals in the wild anyways! Go snorkelling on a boat tour and have a more authentic experience with the wildlife.

3. Try Seatrek

A unique way of experiencing the underwater world is by trying helmet diving with Seatrek. The fully enclosed helmet sits neatly on your shoulders and a steady stream of air assists you in breathing. If you wear prescription glasses no problem, you can still wear them in the helmet as you walk along the bottom of the ocean at around 20 – 25 feet. Bookings for this tour can be made direct at Seatrek.

4. Try Atlantis Submarines

In Barbados, we had the opportunity to experience a night dive with Atlantis Submarines. In Cozumel, they offer 3 daytime departures at 10:00am, 12 noon and 1:00pm. During the dive, you will visit the Felipe Xicotencatl wreck that sank in the year 2000 plus colourful schools of fish, sharks, turtles, stingrays and lobsters. For more information and the latest prices click here.

5. Cozumel Private Jeep Tour With Lunch and Snorkelling

One of the best activities to do in Cozumel is a private Jeep Tour with lunch and the opportunity to go snorkelling. The tour comes with your own private guide which means that he knows the best-secluded beaches to go snorkelling and swimming without the crowds. The best part about this Cozumel excursion is that it’s completely customizable. Let your guide know ahead of time what you’re interested in seeing in Cozumel and he’ll put together an itinerary to suit your needs. 

Apart from private transportation, snorkelling, tequila tasting, Mexican lunch, and a margarita (or two) are included in the trip. For more information click here.

6. Sail The Waters Off Cozumel in a Catamaran

This is definitely one of the best things to do in Cozumel! There are many things to see around the island and hopping aboard a catamaran is the best way to do so.

You can either relax onboard enjoying drinks and snacks or you can snorkel the reef and check out the abundant sea life. When you’re snorkelling you’ll have the chance to spot some sea turtles, stingrays and maybe a shark or two.

The waters around Cozumel are abundant with marine life and are safe for swimming and snorkelling. Click here to learn more about catamaran tours in Cozumel.

7. Enjoy a Pirate Cruise With A Lobster Dinner

An Old Spanish Galleon will whisk you away from the port for a splendid 2.5 hour cruise with lots of games and dancing. This is a fun night full of adventure while enjoying a delicious lobster dinner. If lobster isn’t to your liking, they have options of steak and chicken. As the sun goes down you can enjoy one of Mexico’s amazing sunsets with a Margarita or a cold beer in your hand.

8. Visit the Cozumel Pearl Farm

A visit to the family-owned and operated Cozumel Pearl Farm is a unique excursion where you are taken by boat to a secluded beach on an uninhabited area of Cozumel.

The first part of the tour is a demonstration and explanation of pearl farming techniques. The second part of the tour takes you to the pearl hatchery itself where you can do some snorkelling to see how the pearls are grown while learning about the reef system and viewing the underwater life-size Virgen de Guadalupe statue.

The rest of your time is spent either swimming in the warm azure waters or lazing in one of the many hammocks, and of course, enjoying your lunch with drinks which are included. Click here to learn more.

9. Check out the Mayan Cacao Company

Just 15 minutes from downtown Cozumel and next to Playa Mia Beach Club is the Mayan Cacao Company. Who doesn’t love chocolate?! One of the many things Mayans are known for was their production of chocolate from the beans of the cacao trees. After the fermenting, drying and roasting process, they ground the beans into a paste, added hot water and made the first hot chocolate drink.

The tour lasts for 70 minutes and you can try ancient Mayan recipes and of course, buy some of the tasty chocolate. For more details on the Mayan Cacao Company and ticket prices click here.

⇒ See Also: 19 Fun Things To Do in Isla Mujeres – Mexico’s Island of Women

10. Visit the El Mirador

El Mirador is located on the east side of the Island of Cozumel, 30 minutes from downtown. Hire a moped, rent a car or take a private taxi to get here. It’s a naturally beautiful spot where the sea has carved an arch in the rocks over the years. You can climb to the top for stunning views.

This is an excellent place to avoid the crowds. If you’re looking to relax, a visit to El Mirador is one of the best things to do in Cozumel.

☞ For other natural rock formations surrounded by water, don’t miss Lands End, one of the top things to do in Cabo San Lucas.

11. Swim and Snorkel at Playa Chen Rio

Cozumel has some of the best beaches in Mexico, and Playa Chen Rio is one you won’t want to miss. With its protected area and shallow water, this beach is suitable for all levels of swimmers and snorkellers.

As an added bonus, Playa Chen Rio is located on the east coast, which is less popular than those beaches that are located on the west coast — perfect if you want to get away from the crowds. Enjoy a day of swimming and snorkelling, followed by lunch or dinner at one of the great restaurants on the beach here, such as El Pescador Marisqueria and Bar.

⇒ See Also: 21 Things To Do in Guadalajara You Don’t Want To Miss

12. Enjoy Playa Uvas Sur

Playa Uva Sur is located on the west coast and is the exact opposite of Playa Chen Rio (above). This beach is an upmarket experience, where you can hire kayaks, laze on sun beds or enjoy the Beach Club.

The Uvas Beach Club has an entrance fee of $15 for the basic package which includes a welcome drink, snorkel gear, 30 minute guided snorkel tour, 30 minutes of kayaking, the marine park fees and you’ll have access to the chairs, umbrellas, wifi, hammocks and the restaurant/bar. You can upgrade to premium packages which include open bar. For more information click here.

☞ SEE ALSO: Manzanillo Colima – The Ultimate Travel Guide

13. Visit San Miguel, the Capital of Cozumel

Since San Miguel is located on the west coast, one of the best activities here is to walk the broad sidewalk along the seafront at sunset. During the day when the cruise ships are in port, the sidewalk is very busy with cruise passengers, but outside of that time, it’s fairly quiet.

In the middle of San Miguel is the Zocalo (a central park), every Mexican city or town has a Zocalo. It’s a meeting place for locals or a spot to sit down and just ‘people watch’. If you are in Cozumel on a Sunday evening head to the Zocalo at around 8:00 pm for many free events.

☞ In Mexico, you’ll find numerous seaside promenades with zocalos and free activities going on. Don’t miss wandering along the Malecon and seeing street performers, these are some of the best things to do in Puerto Vallarta, La Paz and many other Mexican cities.

14. Go Shopping

If you are in need of some ‘retail therapy’ during your trip, there are many opportunities for shopping in Cozumel. These are some of the main shopping areas where you’ll find clothing, souvenirs, jewelry and more:

Puerta Maya Punta Langosta Mall Royal Village Cozumel Plaza del Sol in San Miguel

⇒ See Also: 21 Awesome Things To Do in Oaxaca City

15. Experience Temazcal Cozumel

A Temazcal is an ancient Mayan ceremony, and while it’s one of the top things to do in Cancun, it’s also an incredible experience here in Cozumel. You’ll enter into a brick hut which is warmed by volcanic rocks – similar to an experience in a sauna – and will be greeted by a Shaman. During the Temazcal ritual, your body is put through a process of cleansing, relaxing and purification. It ends with a cooling swim in the nearby cenote.

The whole ceremony is a very spiritual experience and if you have a chance, don’t miss it (there are a few places, but you can check out this one). This is one of the most unique things to do in Cozumel.

16. Scuba Diving (one of the best things to do in Cozumel)

Scuba Diving along the Mesoamerican Reef is second to none. If you are an advanced scuba diver, you have the option to dive advanced sites in Cozumel like Maracaibo, Devil’s Throat, Cathedral or Barracuda. If you haven’t tried scuba diving before, there are PADI courses available. There are numerous dive centers in Cozumel, always do your due dilligence and choose a reputable company.

⇒ See Also: 21 Top Things To Do in San Miguel de Allende

17. Eat at Local Mexican Restaurants

Mexican Cuisine is our favourite. Eating street food is one of the best things to do in Mexico City, but if you’re not heading to the capital, you’ll still be spoiled for choice in Cozumel. Think burritos, tacos, tortas, ceviche, enchiladas, churros and of course drinks such as Tequila, Margaritas and a chilled Corona with a slice of lime.

Some of our favourite Cozumel restaurants are:

Crazy King Burrito – Calle 4 Norte 5 in Centro San Miguel Taco y Tequila – Avenue Rafael Melgar  Plaza Punta Langosta Cuatro Tacos – Calle 3 Sur 5ta y Melga

18. Cozumel Chef Food Tour (one of the top things to do in Cozumel for foodies)

If you enjoy food tours Cozumel Chef Food Tour is the one for you. The tour takes you to several different Cozumel restaurants where you enjoy a Mexican dish and a local drink. The places you will visit are off the usual tourist path, meaning you’ll be eating like a local. Even vegetarians are well catered for during this tour. This is one of the top Cozumel excursions if you enjoy authentic Mexican food. For more information and booking, click here.

⇒ See Also: 10 Things To See and Do in Guanajuato

19. Ha Haak Paddleboarding Cozumel

If you are a regular paddleboarder, Cozumel will wow you with its crystal clear blue waters, and if you’re a beginner, this is the place to learn. Ha Haak provides a super easy intro lesson for first-timers that you will get you standing up on a paddleboard in no time.

Ha Haak’s location at Mr Sancho’s Cozumel Beach Club, South Hotel Zone, is the perfect place to enjoy the sport ($35 for a rental). For more details click here.

20.  Deep-Sea Fishing

For Deep Sea Fishing enthusiasts, Cozumel is the perfect location and one of the top companies (Chi Chi Charters) offers an awesome experience. Even if you’re not a hardcore fisherman, this is still one of the best things to do in Cozumel.

Barracuda, mahi mahi and triggerfish are some of the local catch around Cozumel. You can catch tuna all year round, and from March to July white and blue marlin and sailfish are available. For more information and bookings click here.

⇒ See Also: 21 Things To Do in Mazatlan, Mexico

21. Watch Sunset

At the end of the day, nothing beats a good sunset with a cocktail in hand. We recommend checking out El Palomar Restaurant and Bar on the west side of the island. If you head north about 5 minutes from the Ferry Terminal you will be greeted by El Palomar, who have actually stopped serving plastic straws, way to go! A margarita on the porch at sunset is a great way to end the day.

Ready for Cozumel?!

Cozumel is a true island paradise. It’s laid back just like the locals and offers the visitor a quieter atmosphere than its coastal neighbours. This island offers the best of adventures under the sea — where else in the world could you visit an underwater museum, dive to the bottom of the ocean onboard a submarine or snorkel around a pearl farm?!

Cozumel is an island that will wake you up with sunrise on the eastern side, while just 10 miles across the island, you can enjoy a sundowner on the west coast. There are numerous fun things to do in Cozumel and we hope this list gave you some good ideas of where to start.

Goats On The Road Recommended Travel Resources for Cozumel

✓ Wondering where to stay in Cozumel? There are numerous accommodation options on Booking.com – from luxury resorts to midrange hotels and cute guesthouses. Goats On The Road uses and recommends Booking.com due to their awesome cancellation policy, discounts and deals. Click here to see properties available in Cozumel, Mexico.

✓ With all of the adventurous things to do in Cozumel, it’s important to have adequate travel insurance. Goats On The Road have used and recommend World Nomads (one of the most popular options for travellers). Click here for a free quote.

✓ If you’d like to rent a car in Cozumel or any other place in Mexico, we recommend checking out the prices on Expedia.com. Be warned though, in Mexico, you’ll have to pay around $15 more per day for a mandatory insurance fee. Goats On The Road always uses Expedia for our car rentals. Click here to find the latest prices.

✓ For tours, activities and other things to do in Cozumel, check out Get Your Guide for low prices and excellent service. Always cross-reference your tours with reviews and find one that suits your needs.

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[martens-movie-reviews]

Release Date: June 14, 2013 Running Time: 2 hours 23 minutes

“With the imminent destruction of Krypton, their home planet, Jor-El and his wife seek to preserve their race by sending their infant son to Earth. The child’s spacecraft lands at the farm of Jonathan and Martha Kent, who name him Clark and raise him as their own son. Though his extraordinary abilities have led to the adult Clark living on the fringe of society, he finds he must become a hero to save those he loves from a dire threat.”

Because of the anticipated release of Justice League on Friday November 17, I’ve decided to write reviews of all of the movies that make up the DC Extended Universe so far. There have been a lot of talks about how long this franchise will last, but as a comic book fan, and huge lover of movies, I never want movies to be bad. I’m hoping that it’ll be amazing. You can find the dates for when the reviews for the other DCEU movie will be released at the link here. I wrote the review for Wonder Woman around the time it came out, and it can be found here.

DC Extended Universe – Source: Warner Brothers Entertainment

Man of Steel Trailer: Source – Warner Brothers Entertainment

Cast & Crew

The director of Man of Steel was Zack Snyder, whose work includes films that I enjoyed such as ‘Watchmen’ in 2009 and ‘Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga’Hoole’ in 2010, as well as films that I didn’t enjoy so much such as ‘Dawn of the Dead’ in 2004, and ‘Sucker Punch’ in 2011. The film that in my mind, he’s the most known for is ‘300’, which while visually amazing, was more of a meh kind of film for me. He has since directed the sequel to this film ‘Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice’, and most of ‘Justice League’ before having to step away due to personal reasons.

Man of Steel was written by David S. Goyer, based on the story that he and Christopher Nolan wrote. Nolan’s work as a writer includes ‘Memento’, his ‘Batman’ trilogy, and ‘Inception’ prior to working on this film. He has since wrote ‘Interstellar’ in 2014, and ‘Dunkirk’ in 2017. Goyer’s previous writing jobs includes the ‘Blade’ trilogy from 1998 – 2004, working with Nolan on the ‘Batman’ films previously mentioned as well as the sequel ‘Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance’ in 2011 prior to working on Man of Steel. He’s since wrote the ‘Constantine’ television show, as well as ‘Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice’ in 2016. He was recently announced to be one of the writers for the ‘Green Lantern Corps’ that will be coming out in 2020.

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Cast includes Henry Cavill, Amy Adams, Michael Shannon, Diane Lane, Kevin Costner, Ayelet Zurer, Russell Crowe, Antje Traue, Richard Cetrone, Mackenzie Gray, Laurence Fishburne, Christopher Meloni, Richard Schiff, Cooper Timberline and Dylan Sprayberry.

Review

The character of Clark Kent / Kal – El was played by Cooper Timberline, Dylan Sprayberry and Henry Cavill, with the latter also playing Superman. I feel like all three of them did a good job at playing the Clark Kent character, and I was surprised at how consistent they were in terms of character. Cavill’s acting in the role of Kal – El was rough at first, with some very wooden delivery of some lines, however that could also be the script or the direction that he got. I enjoyed the portrayal that we got, even if it was a ‘darker’ and ‘broodier’ version of what he is supposed to be, I still thought it was well done at the end. Cavill’s Superman still needs some work, but seems to have a lot of potential, and I was pleased with the improvements in the character in the follow up film.

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The character of Lois Lane was played by Amy Adams, in which she did an alright job with what she was given. I didn’t enjoy what they did with her character overall, but I will go into more detail about that further below. I feel like Adams was a good choice for the role that they put her in, but didn’t give off the Lois Lane vibe that I remembered from the few comic books that I read of Superman(read both Marvel and DC as a kid, but enjoyed Marvel more).

Michael Shannon as General Zod was a good choice in my mind for the role, as he demands the attention when on screen, and you need someone with a presence to portray Zod. I feel like the character could have been used a lot better, but from I enjoyed the performance that we got from Shannon. It demanded more than what we ended up getting.

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The Kent parents were played by Diane Lane and Kevin Costner, who I feel was really well cast in those roles. I would have prefered a lot more from Costner’s character, and the way he died was just stupid, but from the acting standpoint, I really enjoyed that Lane was able to capture Martha Kent’s essence of trying to connect with Clark on the emotional level, while Jonathan Kent was the moral compass of doing what’s right at the right time. I didn’t enjoy the fact that they made him say the word ‘maybe’ when asked if Clark should have let his classmates die.

The Kryptonian parents Lara Lor-Van played by Ayelet Zurer, and Jor – El who was portrayed by Russell Crowe was a mixed bag of emotions for me throughout this film. I loved everything about Zurer’s performance from the flashbacks to Krypton, and the struggle to send her child away for a chance for survival. It’s something that I wish would be explored more in the future, with the A.I. Jor – El talking about his wife to their son. Russell Crowe’s performance was a problem for me in this role. I don’t think he fit the role of Jor – El, whatsoever, and I didn’t like that they made him capable of beating General Zod in a fist fight. That was one of the problems with certain characters in the film.

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One thing that was really unexpected in the movie, was that it opens with the birth of Kal – El, literally Lara in labour, the first time that a natural birth happened on Krypton for centuries. I enjoyed what they did with the movie, in a way to make Kal – El ‘special’ in that sense, however I really wish that they will elaborate on the Codex. That is something that would be very interesting if ever they were going to have a new Krypton eventually in the universe, however I feel like they’ve already forgotten about it.

Seeing Krypton was absolutely amazing. I thought that the scenery and the animals in that sequence was very much inspired by James Cameron’s movie ‘Avatar’. The cinematography in general for this movie was beautiful. I thought that the way that they captured Krypton, Smallville, and the Arctic was extremely well done. It’s one of the better looking films in the past 5 years, and part of that quality is thanks to the cinematographer of the film – Amir Mokri. His work includes ‘Coyote Ugly’ from 2000, ‘Bad Boys 2’ in 2003 and ‘Transformers: Dark of the Moon’ in 2011 prior to Man of Steel.

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The score for this film was put together by one of the most well known and fantastic composer since the early 2000s. Hans Zimmer‘s work has sadly been given a lot of slack in recent years for the loud ‘BWAM’ that marketing people love putting in trailers, which have become annoying, I have to admit. In my opinion, his work is on the same level in terms of quality and how memorable they are as other great movie score composers such as John Williams, Howard Shore and Danny Elfman. Zimmer’s work in this film was strong, hopeful, and sometimes inspiring while still having those epic moments that is required in big budget films.

Movie scores are what I listen to while I’m working at my desk, or writing these reviews, or when I was studying while in school. I just looked at my ‘instrumental’ playlist that I’ve had and been adding to it for the last 10 years and Hans Zimmer has 61 out of the 250 songs on that playlist. His work includes such soundtracks as ‘The Lion King’, ‘The Prince of Egypt’, ‘Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl’, ‘The Last Samurai’, ‘August Rush’, ‘Sherlock Holmes’, and ‘Inception’. I really enjoyed the music in this movie, and I know that a lot of people were disappointed when the Superman theme was never incorporated into the score, however I feel like Zimmer added a sense of wonder and grandness that was needed for this version.

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The flashbacks in Man of Steel was very much hit and miss for me. I feel like the two younger version of Clark Kent did a good job in their portrayals, and I was happy to see that they were providing some backstory to who he is, while at the same time not lingering too much on it.

One of the stupidest death scenes that I’ve ever watched was the flashback scene of Jonathan Kent being swallowed up by the tornado (twister, not entirely sure of the difference, if you know, tell me in the comments below) while telling Clark to stay where he was, and stupidly sacrificing himself. I feel like Clark could have easily saved him, but they wanted to make the film ‘darker’ and make Clark go on this long and arduous journey to find out what his place on Earth is, and to find out what kind of man he wants to become, but I was pissed off at that death scene.

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One of the bigger mistakes in this film was that Lois Lane was made to be an integral piece of the film. She was involved in everything, and while I know that she’s a reporter and loves getting information, the fact that she took a picture of cliff face, and saw a man enough to know to zoom in, then can somehow scale a mountain, and thinks she can escape the authorities after being called is funny. I feel like they should have kept her as a supporting character rather than one of the leads in the movie. I’m not happy that they made her find out that Superman is Clark Kent right away, as there’s a lot less in which they can explore and do in further films.

A small problem with the movie, is the magical appearance of the suit, with the crest of the house of El on it, that just happened to be on a spaceship that crashed on Earth 18 000 years ago, while also having one of the passengers on that ship survive and get out of their sleeping pod. Where are they? I don’t think we’ll ever find out.

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One of the most amazing things in the whole movie was that they were so casual with the destruction of Metropolis, and causing so much damage to the city, and they cry out that Superman is a hero. Yes, it wasn’t entirely his fault, but from the look of it, he did very little to save anyone, going as far as throwing Zod towards buildings full of people.

I enjoyed the nice touches of the greater plans that they might or might not have been planning towards the DCEU. Including the Wayne satellites, and the LuthorCorp trucks.\

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The most controversial part of the movie – the death of General Zod, is one of the most hated things about this movie, and I’m still upset about this to this day. Superman does not kill, yes, he’s killed Zod once in the comics, but that was one story that they had out of thousands of different stories. I feel like the circumstances of the death was stupid as well, I would have much prefered if Zod had gone into the Phantom Zone with everyone else when the ship collided with the World Engine. It would have been a much satisfying ending, rather than the whole air punching fight scene that caused so much damage to the city and to the Superman character as a whole.

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Overall, I feel like this was a solid film that had amazing music and cinematography, a little shaky on the characters and the acting, with an ending that is extremely divisive amongst the fans. I love Cavill’s performance as Superman, but there’s still a lot of room to grow. At the end of the day, I don’t have much more to say about this film, and I would end up giving this movie a final score of 7.5/10.

What did you think of Man of Steel? Are you excited for Justice League? Let me know in the comment section below!

Thanks for reading,

Alex Martens

Man of Steel Review Release Date: June 14, 2013 Running Time: 2 hours 23 minutes "With the imminent destruction of Krypton, their home planet, Jor-El and his wife seek to preserve their race by sending their infant son to Earth.

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How Potentially Great Movies Got Derailed By Offscreen BS

Hollywood has proved that it’s willing to turn literally anything into a movie, from children’s toys, to Reddit posts, to E.L. James novels. So, if you ever notice a film-worthy property that has remained conspicuously un-adapted, you can bet your ass that it’s not for lack of trying. In fact, some of the stories behind these non-adaptations would make pretty good movies of their own (mostly comedies, with some hints of psychological horror).

5

Gore Verbinski’s R-Rated BioShock Movie Is Dead Due To Watchmen

Video game adaptations tend to be utter garbage for one simple reason: It’s hard to turn a plot like “portly Italian steps on hundreds of turtles” into a coherent screenplay. If there’s one game that could break the curse, though, it’s BioShock. Why? Because it already has a more cogent story than most movies.

2K Games Not to mention, way more diving suit-wearing mutants with giant drills on one hand.

The game’s critically acclaimed storyline (centered on a utopic underwater city created by a combination of Walt Disney and Ayn Rand) is ripe for the taking — and there’s one director willing to do it. Gore Verbinski of Pirates Of The Caribbean fame is a big fan of BioShock‘s “cinematic potential” and “strong narrative,” and we’ve already talked about why he would actually be perfect for this adaptation (assuming he doesn’t succumb to the Burton Syndrome and casts Johnny Depp for every part).

Verbinski was all set to shoot a BioShock movie in 2009, and fittingly for someone named “Gore,” he wasn’t planning to shy away from the game’s violence and general fucked-up-ness. In his own words, he “just really, really wanted to make it a movie where, four days later, you’re still shivering and going, ‘Jesus Christ!'” The movie’s concept art confirms that, at the very least, this thing would have been visually amazing:

2K Games

2K Games

But then, only eight weeks before shooting started, Universal Studios pulled the plug. What happened? Apparently, Watchmen did.

Verbinski wanted between $160 and $200 million to properly recreate the underwater city of Rapture, but after Zack Snyder’s dour superhero slo-mo-fest underperformed, Universal got nervous about financing such an expensive R-rated film. Verbinski wouldn’t budge on the rating or the budget, so that was it. The studio tried to keep going with another director, but the same problems came up again. Eventually, BioShock‘s creators decided they didn’t need a stinking movie anyways.

We’d love to end this entry telling you that the recent string of R-rated genre hits proved those cowardly producers wrong, but it’s not that simple: Deadpool cost only $58 million, Logan reportedly $97 million, and Mad Max: Fury Road didn’t exactly make it rain (by Hollywood standards). Shooting an underwater city probably won’t be affordable until we’re actually living in one, so cross your fingers for more climate change, gaming fans!

4

We’ll Never See Guillermo Del Toro’s At The Mountains Of Madness Because Of Freaking Prometheus

Like his creation Cthulhu, horror author H.P. Lovecraft has managed to indirectly wedge his face-tentacles into everything you love. He’s inspired such disparate works as Dungeons And Dragons, Evil Dead, and even Conan The Barbarian — and yet, very few of his works have been directly adapted into movies. For instance, there’s never been a film adaptation of his classic novella At The Mountains Of Madness, the lovely story of a bunch of scientists who stumble upon forgotten horrors during an Antarctic expedition, and end up getting slaughtered or losing their minds.

Guillermo Del Toro, no stranger to giant monsters from other dimensions, has been trying to adapt Mountains for decades, but the project has been cursed by the unthinkable evils that rule the universe: Hollywood executives. Del Toro had a script ready as early as 1998, and at various points the project managed to attract serious interest from Warner Bros., Universal, and Steven Spielberg’s DreamWorks Pictures. In 2010, Del Toro even convinced James Cameron to join as producer and had Tom Cruise in advanced talks to star (yes, we might have finally found out what Cruise looks like as an insane person).

The studios always ended up wussing out over the budget and dark tone, but Del Toro kept plugging away, convinced that this was something audiences had never seen before. That is, until he heard about a little movie called Prometheus. You know, the one about a bunch of scientists who stumble upon forgotten horrors during a galactic expedition, and end up getting slaughtered or crushed by slow-moving space donuts.

The similarities don’t end there: Both Prometheus and Mountains involve the scientists discovering an ancient alien race responsible for creating humanity, as well some ugly-ass monsters hell-bent on destroying said humanity. Del Toro didn’t want to cover the same ground as that film, so he announced that his project was on hold or dead. In 2013, he said he would give it one more try … and that’s the last anyone’s heard of it. Oh, well, at least there’s always the new Hellbo– Whoops.

3

Hamilton Won’t Be A Movie For Decades Because The Creator Just Said So

Chances are that you’ve never seen Hamilton yourself (tickets go from $175 to $2000 and are still constantly sold out), but you sure as hell have heard about it. It’s a freaking cultural phenomenon. The Founding Father-themed hip-hop musical won 11 of its record-breaking 16 Tony Awards nominations, largely for its ability to achieve the impossible: making people pay “could have bought fairly high-quality cocaine” money to see something pertaining to Alexander “National Debt Ain’t Nothing But A Thing” Hamilton.

Since Hamilton creator Lin-Manuel Miranda is all about making American history more accessible to the masses, a movie adaptation would make perfect sense, right? So thinks everyone, except Lin-Manuel Miranda. In a recent Rolling Stone interview, Miranda stated that if a film adaptation happens, it probably wouldn’t be for at least 20 years. Partially, he wants to make sure people come see it in theaters now (even though 99 percent of us will never have the chance) … but he also claims that the only good play-to-film adaptations are “all 20 years after the fact,” giving examples like Cabaret or Chicago.

The thing is, Cabaret was only made eight years after the play. West Side Story, The Sound Of Music, Oliver!, The Music Man, My Fair Lady, Guys And Dolls, Hairspray — all had acclaimed movies within five to eight years of the musical. The Grease movie was released only seven years later, and people love that retroactively creepy crap. Does Miranda think it was actually made in the ’50s because of the wardrobes?

At most, those suffering from Hamilust will have to settle for watching a filmed performance of the play, but there are two problems with that: 1) Miranda says he hasn’t decided what to do with the only recording of the original cast, joking (we think?) that he’d throw it in a vault, and 2) no one in the history of humanity has enjoyed a fixed-camera movie of a play. You might as well sneak into one of the inevitable rip-off productions that high school drama clubs will be putting on for years to come.

2

Steve Carell’s Real-Life Comedy About North Korea, Pyongyang, Was Shelved Because Of The Interview

North Korea has been responsible for a lot of terrible things over the years, but there was one time when they actually tried to save us from a lurking danger we ourselves didn’t fully understand: Seth Rogen’s The Interview. In what we naively thought would be the most bonkers international incident of this decade, Kim Jong-un’s regime took offense at something in the movie (presumably the part about Rogen and James Franco assassinating him, but maybe they’re just tired of stoner jokes) and allegedly hacked Sony Pictures in retaliation.

As a result, most screenings of the movie were cancelled and the film was banished to the wasteland of home video.

However, this Chinese food-fart of a movie wasn’t the most tragic casualty of the Sony hack clusterfuck: that would be Steve Carell’s Pyongyang, which was a story that actually deserved to be told.

Based on a 2004 autobiographical comic book, Pyongyang details author Guy Delisle’s experiences in the North Korean capital, where he worked as the liaison between a French animation company and a local studio. That studio’s signature creation, by the way, is an adorable propaganda series starring a squirrel and a hedgehog, imaginatively titled Squirrel And Hedgehog.

Because of his particular role, Delisle was given unprecedented access to parts of the country usually hidden from outsiders. His book is a retelling of all the bizarre things he saw and experienced in that crazy-ass regime — a concept that apparently made Gore Verbinski’s ears perk up when he heard about it. In 2013, New Regency announced Verbinski would direct a “dark comedy” based on the Delisle’s experiences, and eventually added Steve Carell as the lead. It would have been an intriguing combination of awkward situations …

… and the obligatory “creative liberties” Hollywood would have taken to make the story more like a spy thriller. Either way, expect a lot of Carell screaming in panic.

Unfortunately, thanks to Rogen shoving his dick jokes into the nuclear hornet’s nest, the movie was dead before it could really take off. New Regency didn’t think they could risk a controversial movie of their own, while Verbinski welcomed the possibility of World War III, stating, “I find it ironic that fear is eliminating the possibility to tell stories that depict our ability to overcome fear.” To which the studio probably responded: “Yeah, but nukes and shit. Right?”

1

The Catcher In The Rye Will Never Get A Movie Because Of A Terrible Version Of Another J.D. Salinger Story

J.D. Salinger’s Catcher In The Rye has long been considered by hipsters (and assassins) to be the greatest book against phonies ever written. Holden Caulfield’s story of self-discovery mirrors that of many a pissed-off, surly, uniquely rebellious teenager — so, all of them, basically. That probably explains why entire generations of actors, from Marlon Brando to Leonardo DiCaprio, have tried to get the movie done with themselves in the lead.

The problem is that, like his boy Caulfield, Salinger was on a bit of a crusade against the phonies of the world — and to him, no one was phonier than Hollywood (not sure how he got that impression).

Salinger didn’t always feel that way. Early in his career, he sold the rights to his short story Uncle Wiggily In Connecticut, a commentary on materialism in the post-WWII era. According to his assistant, Salinger “thought they would make a good movie,” which wasn’t an unreasonable assumption considering that the script would be written by the screenwriters of Casablanca, Julius and Philip Epstein.

So what did the Epsteins do? They changed the name to My Foolish Heart, ditched all the social commentary, and turned the story into a sappy romantic tale.

Even though the film was a commercial hit, Salinger hated it so much that he refused to allow any more adaptations of his work. Including Catcher In The Rye. Of course, there might be another reason why he turned down all those offers from famous actors: According to his one-time girlfriend, Salinger thought only he himself could play Caulfield. It’s probably a little bit of column A, a little bit of column B.

Anyway, if you excitedly thought that Salinger’s death might finally bring about a Catcher adaptation, then you’re 1) a shitty person, and 2) wrong. The people who manage his trust were fully aware of his aversion to licensing out any of his works, and will continue his crusade for generations to come. On the upside, think of all the murders from illiterate would-be killers we’re avoiding this way.

Jordan Breeding is a part-time writer, a full-time lover, and an all the time guitarist. Check out his band at Skywardband.com or on Spotify here.

Behind every awful movie is the idea for a good one. Old man Indiana Jones discovers aliens: Good in theory, bad in practice. Batman fights Superman: So simple, but so bad. Are there good versions of these movies hidden within the stinking turds that saw the light of day? Jack O’Brien hosts Soren Bowie, Daniel O’Brien, and Katie Willert of After Hours on our next live podcast to find an answer, as they discuss their ideal versions of flops, reboots, and remakes. Tickets are $7 and can be purchased here!

Also check out The 36 Greatest Shows and Movies Ever to Almost Happen and 5 Incredible Real Video Games (You’ll Never Get to Play).

Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out 5 Movie Epilogues That Should Have Been Sequels, and other videos you won’t see on the site!

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21 Things To Do in Cozumel: Mexico’s Top Island

There are many things to do in Cozumel – Mexico’s largest Caribbean Island. When we mention Cozumel to other travellers, their eye’s glaze over and they imagine silvery white sandy beaches, swaying palm trees and an azure blue ocean. Cozumel certainly offers all of that, and much more.

When travelling Mexico, you may decide you just want to chill out on this Caribbean island (only 30 miles long and 10 miles wide), and I understand completely. But, after visiting here, I recommend you leave the beach behind and experience the many other things to do in Cozumel.

Would you be able to fit in a submarine tour, snorkelling the 2nd largest coral reef in the world, visiting a Mayan archaeological site or trying an ancient Mayan chocolate recipe in just a few days? Probably not! This is one of the top places to visit in Mexico, so give yourself some time here.

I highly recommend that you plan a minimum of a week to see all the things to do in Cozumel, you may even want to plan 2 weeks. With numerous incredible things to do in Mexico, make sure Cozumel is on your list. 

Note: This article has been updated for 2020 to reflect the best activities, excursions and costs in Cozumel. Enjoy your trip!

Where is Cozumel?

Map showing the location of Cozumel

The Island of Cozumel or “Isla Cozumel” as it’s known in Spanish is located 12 miles off the coast opposite Playa del Carmen in the Yucatan Peninsula. Cancun, known as “Mexico’s top party destination” is 45 miles to the north of Cozumel.

Cozumel is the quieter alternative to Cancun and Playa del Carmen. Actually, one of the best things to do in Playa del Carmen is to take a ferry across to tranquil Cozumel. In Playa del Carmen, the terminal is located downtown near the main square. In just 30 – 45 minutes, you’ll cross the sea and arrive in Cozumel. Click here for the Cozumel Ferry schedule, which includes costs.

When is The Best Time to Visit Cozumel?

Mexico travel can be enjoyed year-round, but the best time to visit Cozumel is during the months from March to June, before the hurricane season commences. The hottest months are July and August which coincides with the hurricane season that lasts until November. Winter is Cozumel’s busiest period and it runs from December through to March.

Getting to and From Cozumel

Before you can enjoy all the fun things to do in Cozumel, you need to get there. Most people will arrive at the Cancun airport. From here, you have a few options to get to the ferry terminal in Playa del Carmen (to take the boat over to Cozumel). 

You can either take the bus, hire a taxi, or opt for a shuttle from Cancun to Playa del Carmen. This is the fastest, safest and most comfortable to get to the Cozumel ferry. Click here for details about airport transfers.

Once you’ve arrived at the ferry port, you’ll need to take the 30-minute boat across. Click here to learn more and to book tickets for the fast ferry to Cozumel.

Now that you know when to visit and how to get there, here’s my list of the top things to do in Cozumel that you don’t want to miss!

1. Visit Punta Sur Ecological Park

Punta Sur Eco Beach is the best beach on the Island, and a visit to this eco-park is definitely one of the top things to do in Cozumel. This area is located on the south of the island and covers an area of 2,500 acres. Here you’ll find exotic birds, crocodiles, sea turtles, beautiful flowers and beautiful beaches – the perfect place for nature lovers.

If you don’t feel like snorkelling the reef or visiting the lighthouse (see below), you can just hang out on hammocks and enjoy the sun. There’s an entrance fee for this park ($16 USD for adults and $10 for children), but in my opinion, it’s worth it. Click here to learn more and to pre-purchase your tickets.

Within the Punta Sur Eco Park is the Celarain Lighthouse, which was constructed to warn sailors at night of the dangers of running aground off the southern coast of Cozumel. The Lighthouse is now part of a maritime museum. For 360 degree views of the Island, you can climb the 127 steps to the top. On a clear day you can even see the coast of Cuba, but unfortunately for us, that was not the case.

Entrance fees to the Punta Sur Eco Park include the Celerain Lighthouse.

A 40-minute tour of the Marshlands of Punta Sur Ecological Park is also available. They can’t guarantee that you will see any crocodiles on the day of the tour, but you will see many species of birds especially the roseate spoonbill.

The Punta Sur Ecological Park has so much to see and do, there’s even a Mayan Ruin here. El Caracol ruin – also called Tumba del Caracol because of its small size – dates back to 1200-1500 AD.

Caracol means snail in Spanish and the ruins were named this because of the snails that decorate the small dome on the top of the temple. The structure was built as an early hurricane warning system for the Mayan people. The roof was constructed in a way that the strong breeze gave a humming noise alerting the Mayans of the impending danger.

2. Playa Mia Grand Beach Park

If you’re looking to visit a beach park during your trip to Cozumel, consider Playa Mia Grand Beach Park, an ethical adventure park. While there are many “marine parks” that may sound great, Goats On The Road doesn’t recommend visiting them due to the captivity of wild animals. 

Check out Playa Mia Grand Beach Park instead. Here, you’ll have use of snorkels, waterslides, pools, kayaks, hobie cats, paddle boats, volleyball courts and more. This park doesn’t have any animals in captivity, which is why we recommend it. Entrance fees start from $30 USD. Another option is to take a tour on a catamaran boat, including the Cozumel Reefs National Marine Park for snorkelling, and a visit to Playa Mia Grand Beach Park (with food and drinks). Click here to learn about that day tour in Cozumel, or click the image below.

*Note that Goats On The Road does not condone any tourism activities that involve cruelty to animals, or promotes their captivity. We’ve been advised that the Chankanaab Beach Adventure Park and many places to visit in Mexico offer tours such as swimming with dolphins. Please be a responsible traveller and consider where you want to spend your tourism dollars, and avoid any animal shows or activities. It’s way more fun to see the animals in the wild anyways! Go snorkelling on a boat tour and have a more authentic experience with the wildlife.

3. Try Seatrek

A unique way of experiencing the underwater world is by trying helmet diving with Seatrek. The fully enclosed helmet sits neatly on your shoulders and a steady stream of air assists you in breathing. If you wear prescription glasses no problem, you can still wear them in the helmet as you walk along the bottom of the ocean at around 20 – 25 feet. Bookings for this tour can be made direct at Seatrek.

4. Try Atlantis Submarines

In Barbados, we had the opportunity to experience a night dive with Atlantis Submarines. In Cozumel, they offer 3 daytime departures at 10:00am, 12 noon and 1:00pm. During the dive, you will visit the Felipe Xicotencatl wreck that sank in the year 2000 plus colourful schools of fish, sharks, turtles, stingrays and lobsters. For more information and the latest prices click here.

5. Cozumel Private Jeep Tour With Lunch and Snorkelling

One of the best activities to do in Cozumel is a private Jeep Tour with lunch and the opportunity to go snorkelling. The tour comes with your own private guide which means that he knows the best-secluded beaches to go snorkelling and swimming without the crowds. The best part about this Cozumel excursion is that it’s completely customizable. Let your guide know ahead of time what you’re interested in seeing in Cozumel and he’ll put together an itinerary to suit your needs. 

Apart from private transportation, snorkelling, tequila tasting, Mexican lunch, and a margarita (or two) are included in the trip. For more information click here.

6. Sail The Waters Off Cozumel in a Catamaran

This is definitely one of the best things to do in Cozumel! There are many things to see around the island and hopping aboard a catamaran is the best way to do so.

You can either relax onboard enjoying drinks and snacks or you can snorkel the reef and check out the abundant sea life. When you’re snorkelling you’ll have the chance to spot some sea turtles, stingrays and maybe a shark or two.

The waters around Cozumel are abundant with marine life and are safe for swimming and snorkelling. Click here to learn more about catamaran tours in Cozumel.

7. Enjoy a Pirate Cruise With A Lobster Dinner

An Old Spanish Galleon will whisk you away from the port for a splendid 2.5 hour cruise with lots of games and dancing. This is a fun night full of adventure while enjoying a delicious lobster dinner. If lobster isn’t to your liking, they have options of steak and chicken. As the sun goes down you can enjoy one of Mexico’s amazing sunsets with a Margarita or a cold beer in your hand.

8. Visit the Cozumel Pearl Farm

A visit to the family-owned and operated Cozumel Pearl Farm is a unique excursion where you are taken by boat to a secluded beach on an uninhabited area of Cozumel.

The first part of the tour is a demonstration and explanation of pearl farming techniques. The second part of the tour takes you to the pearl hatchery itself where you can do some snorkelling to see how the pearls are grown while learning about the reef system and viewing the underwater life-size Virgen de Guadalupe statue.

The rest of your time is spent either swimming in the warm azure waters or lazing in one of the many hammocks, and of course, enjoying your lunch with drinks which are included. Click here to learn more.

9. Check out the Mayan Cacao Company

Just 15 minutes from downtown Cozumel and next to Playa Mia Beach Club is the Mayan Cacao Company. Who doesn’t love chocolate?! One of the many things Mayans are known for was their production of chocolate from the beans of the cacao trees. After the fermenting, drying and roasting process, they ground the beans into a paste, added hot water and made the first hot chocolate drink.

The tour lasts for 70 minutes and you can try ancient Mayan recipes and of course, buy some of the tasty chocolate. For more details on the Mayan Cacao Company and ticket prices click here.

⇒ See Also: 19 Fun Things To Do in Isla Mujeres – Mexico’s Island of Women

10. Visit the El Mirador

El Mirador is located on the east side of the Island of Cozumel, 30 minutes from downtown. Hire a moped, rent a car or take a private taxi to get here. It’s a naturally beautiful spot where the sea has carved an arch in the rocks over the years. You can climb to the top for stunning views.

This is an excellent place to avoid the crowds. If you’re looking to relax, a visit to El Mirador is one of the best things to do in Cozumel.

☞ For other natural rock formations surrounded by water, don’t miss Lands End, one of the top things to do in Cabo San Lucas.

11. Swim and Snorkel at Playa Chen Rio

Cozumel has some of the best beaches in Mexico, and Playa Chen Rio is one you won’t want to miss. With its protected area and shallow water, this beach is suitable for all levels of swimmers and snorkellers.

As an added bonus, Playa Chen Rio is located on the east coast, which is less popular than those beaches that are located on the west coast — perfect if you want to get away from the crowds. Enjoy a day of swimming and snorkelling, followed by lunch or dinner at one of the great restaurants on the beach here, such as El Pescador Marisqueria and Bar.

⇒ See Also: 21 Things To Do in Guadalajara You Don’t Want To Miss

12. Enjoy Playa Uvas Sur

Playa Uva Sur is located on the west coast and is the exact opposite of Playa Chen Rio (above). This beach is an upmarket experience, where you can hire kayaks, laze on sun beds or enjoy the Beach Club.

The Uvas Beach Club has an entrance fee of $15 for the basic package which includes a welcome drink, snorkel gear, 30 minute guided snorkel tour, 30 minutes of kayaking, the marine park fees and you’ll have access to the chairs, umbrellas, wifi, hammocks and the restaurant/bar. You can upgrade to premium packages which include open bar. For more information click here.

☞ SEE ALSO: Manzanillo Colima – The Ultimate Travel Guide

13. Visit San Miguel, the Capital of Cozumel

Since San Miguel is located on the west coast, one of the best activities here is to walk the broad sidewalk along the seafront at sunset. During the day when the cruise ships are in port, the sidewalk is very busy with cruise passengers, but outside of that time, it’s fairly quiet.

In the middle of San Miguel is the Zocalo (a central park), every Mexican city or town has a Zocalo. It’s a meeting place for locals or a spot to sit down and just ‘people watch’. If you are in Cozumel on a Sunday evening head to the Zocalo at around 8:00 pm for many free events.

☞ In Mexico, you’ll find numerous seaside promenades with zocalos and free activities going on. Don’t miss wandering along the Malecon and seeing street performers, these are some of the best things to do in Puerto Vallarta, La Paz and many other Mexican cities.

14. Go Shopping

If you are in need of some ‘retail therapy’ during your trip, there are many opportunities for shopping in Cozumel. These are some of the main shopping areas where you’ll find clothing, souvenirs, jewelry and more:

Puerta Maya

Punta Langosta Mall

Royal Village Cozumel

Plaza del Sol in San Miguel

⇒ See Also: 21 Awesome Things To Do in Oaxaca City

15. Experience Temazcal Cozumel

A Temazcal is an ancient Mayan ceremony, and while it’s one of the top things to do in Cancun, it’s also an incredible experience here in Cozumel. You’ll enter into a brick hut which is warmed by volcanic rocks – similar to an experience in a sauna – and will be greeted by a Shaman. During the Temazcal ritual, your body is put through a process of cleansing, relaxing and purification. It ends with a cooling swim in the nearby cenote.

The whole ceremony is a very spiritual experience and if you have a chance, don’t miss it (there are a few places, but you can check out this one). This is one of the most unique things to do in Cozumel.

16. Scuba Diving (one of the best things to do in Cozumel)

Scuba Diving along the Mesoamerican Reef is second to none. If you are an advanced scuba diver, you have the option to dive advanced sites in Cozumel like Maracaibo, Devil’s Throat, Cathedral or Barracuda. If you haven’t tried scuba diving before, there are PADI courses available. There are numerous dive centers in Cozumel, always do your due dilligence and choose a reputable company.

⇒ See Also: 21 Top Things To Do in San Miguel de Allende

17. Eat at Local Mexican Restaurants

Mexican Cuisine is our favourite. Eating street food is one of the best things to do in Mexico City, but if you’re not heading to the capital, you’ll still be spoiled for choice in Cozumel. Think burritos, tacos, tortas, ceviche, enchiladas, churros and of course drinks such as Tequila, Margaritas and a chilled Corona with a slice of lime.

Some of our favourite Cozumel restaurants are:

Crazy King Burrito – Calle 4 Norte 5 in Centro San Miguel

Taco y Tequila – Avenue Rafael Melgar  Plaza Punta Langosta

Cuatro Tacos – Calle 3 Sur 5ta y Melga

18. Cozumel Chef Food Tour (one of the top things to do in Cozumel for foodies)

If you enjoy food tours Cozumel Chef Food Tour is the one for you. The tour takes you to several different Cozumel restaurants where you enjoy a Mexican dish and a local drink. The places you will visit are off the usual tourist path, meaning you’ll be eating like a local. Even vegetarians are well catered for during this tour. This is one of the top Cozumel excursions if you enjoy authentic Mexican food. For more information and booking, click here.

⇒ See Also: 10 Things To See and Do in Guanajuato

19. Ha Haak Paddleboarding Cozumel

If you are a regular paddleboarder, Cozumel will wow you with its crystal clear blue waters, and if you’re a beginner, this is the place to learn. Ha Haak provides a super easy intro lesson for first-timers that you will get you standing up on a paddleboard in no time.

Ha Haak’s location at Mr Sancho’s Cozumel Beach Club, South Hotel Zone, is the perfect place to enjoy the sport ($35 for a rental). For more details click here.

20.  Deep-Sea Fishing

For Deep Sea Fishing enthusiasts, Cozumel is the perfect location and one of the top companies (Chi Chi Charters) offers an awesome experience. Even if you’re not a hardcore fisherman, this is still one of the best things to do in Cozumel.

Barracuda, mahi mahi and triggerfish are some of the local catch around Cozumel. You can catch tuna all year round, and from March to July white and blue marlin and sailfish are available. For more information and bookings click here.

⇒ See Also: 21 Things To Do in Mazatlan, Mexico

21. Watch Sunset

At the end of the day, nothing beats a good sunset with a cocktail in hand. We recommend checking out El Palomar Restaurant and Bar on the west side of the island. If you head north about 5 minutes from the Ferry Terminal you will be greeted by El Palomar, who have actually stopped serving plastic straws, way to go! A margarita on the porch at sunset is a great way to end the day.

Ready for Cozumel?!

Cozumel is a true island paradise. It’s laid back just like the locals and offers the visitor a quieter atmosphere than its coastal neighbours. This island offers the best of adventures under the sea — where else in the world could you visit an underwater museum, dive to the bottom of the ocean onboard a submarine or snorkel around a pearl farm?!

Cozumel is an island that will wake you up with sunrise on the eastern side, while just 10 miles across the island, you can enjoy a sundowner on the west coast. There are numerous fun things to do in Cozumel and we hope this list gave you some good ideas of where to start.

Goats On The Road Recommended

Travel Resources for Cozumel

✓ Wondering where to stay in Cozumel? There are numerous accommodation options on Booking.com – from luxury resorts to midrange hotels and cute guesthouses. Goats On The Road uses and recommends Booking.com due to their awesome cancellation policy, discounts and deals. Click here to see properties available in Cozumel, Mexico.

✓ With all of the adventurous things to do in Cozumel, it’s important to have adequate travel insurance. Goats On The Road have used and recommend World Nomads (one of the most popular options for travellers). Click here for a free quote.

✓ If you’d like to rent a car in Cozumel or any other place in Mexico, we recommend checking out the prices on Expedia.com. Be warned though, in Mexico, you’ll have to pay around $15 more per day for a mandatory insurance fee. Goats On The Road always uses Expedia for our car rentals. Click here to find the latest prices.

✓ For tours, activities and other things to do in Cozumel, check out Get Your Guide for low prices and excellent service. Always cross-reference your tours with reviews and find one that suits your needs.

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