#we had meetings and seminars and other structured shit we Had To Do basically 8am-5pm. every day. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

arlathen · 4 years ago

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i dunk on skyrim a lot but it was the first non-life sim game (animal crossing, the sims) i ever really got into, back in 2016. my freshman year of college was really. really bad for me, and basically all i did was play skyrim. like four hours a day after class, twelve hours a day on weekends. and it wasnt “im depressed because i play skyrim all day” but rather “im isolated ten hours away from all my friends and family, have not made any friends, and don’t have any future goals to work toward to distract myself, so i play skyrim all day”

like if i hadn’t had skyrim to play i do not know what i would’ve done.

#god it almost hurts to think about how bad freshman year was for me #the structure of move-in week is. not to sound like a dweeb. but extremely not introvert friendly.#we had meetings and seminars and other structured shit we Had To Do basically 8am-5pm. every day.#and then they'd expect us to go and do stuff with our customs group. like we had zero downtime. i hadn't even fully moved in.#customs group stuff was where most people made friends. i refused to go to any of it because i was fucking tired.#so then a few days in everyone had already sort of settled into friend groups. and these werent friend groups that lasted til graduation #but it was still like. everyone already knew who they were sitting with at breakfast and i did not.#and like hell was i outgoing enough to ask to sit with someone. i just squished myself at the end of the table and ate silently in 5 mins.#and then like. all through high school i'd wanted to go into politics. i wanted to be the next bernie sanders.#i saw things were wrong and i wanted to fix them so so bad. and then uh. yknow. the 2016 election happened.#and i was like. hm theres no hope for this country actually. also my first poli sci class SUCKED and that was the only class i ever failed #so i had zero goals. i had no idea what i wanted to do. i was an english major because my writing seminal prof said i was a good writer #and suggested i take more english classes. so i did. i didn't have anything else to do.#so anyway yeah. skyrim got me through all that. the real basic rpg system of get task - do thing - get reward #like the DOPAMINE hit. it really did keep me sane.#i genuinely don't know how i would've handled being that isolated and aimless. at best i would've dropped out. at worst. yknow.#anyway playing it on new years eve is just a personal tradition but it's also a sappy respect type thing.#love u skyrim #carly.txt

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