#we got emotional nancy and emotional george which is a plus

[voidsteffy]

The Found Family and their Dads™️ smashing cake at each other and doing illegal magic is exactly what I want to see on my favorite mystery hijinks show

[thebeastofblackmoor]

speaking of confronting her past in a real way- there is a level of irony that the plot lines of so many of the main characters focuses on the trauma they have and needing to confront and heal past it. Nancy with her identity and family legacy secrets, nick with his unjust prison sentence and losing Tiffany, George with her absentee dad, alcoholic mom, and having to be the bread winner and raise her sisters, Ace has had his family explored and has had focus on what he considered inadequacies- and yet all Bess endured before coming to horseshoe bay is glossed over as almost a footnote without anyone being like “hey bess that’s a lot of trauma, I think you need some help and support.” I feel like all Bess’ choices since the Marvin’s exiled her are heavily informed by the pain of that abandonment and no one in the show addresses it. Like she finally got her dream only for it to be cruelly taken away by her abuser. Then she fell for odette because odette was showing her love and it felt safe in a way to pursue something that could never be real because then you can’t lose something you never really had. But then she suddenly had to lose it and say goodbye without being able to properly prepare herself. And then she turns to magic both as a way to belong to a family within the women and white and also looking to magic as a way to harness her power after feeling so very powerless at the hands of Stephen and all the abandonment she faced and couldn’t prevent. Plus the fact that she felt like she had to lie to lisbeth which resulted in her losing her, a pain we know she still holds onto due to the burning sorrows. Like so much under the surface and she does not get the attention she deserves. And as much as I like addy, the romance feels superficial in light of all Bess does have going on and as to offer as a whole.

I KNOW it’s horrible! Everyone else has their own complex and meaningful pasts and family relationships and Bess’s past is just brought in in one episode to eliminate her entire family dynamics and then is never mentioned again -_- garbage tbh. I do agree that it seems like a lot of her choices are informed by her past, especially the moment when she left George with the shard of Odette’s soul, but I wish it would be more explicit and that we would see more of Bess’s thoughts and insecurities. Her being drawn to magic and the women in white does make sense when dissected, and even though I hate the witch stuff personally, it could have been done well if they’d tied any kind of emotional weight to it and made it a metaphor For some kind of coping mechanism or support system. But nope :( and totally agreed on Addy, there are a lot of great concepts there and tons of potential, but right now their whole relationship is still just light and physical

[minachar28]

Reason Why the Fanson Pairing Needs to Be CANCELLED and Drewson Need to Start Back Up. Save George’s Character in the Process.

By the end of S1 I went from liking George to being so annoyed with her. Hear me out – In the beginning George Fan was a character with depth. She was raising/responsible for the care for her younger siblings, an alcoholic mother and their household, basically poor hardworking manager, snarky and jaded but good-hearted, compassionate and loyal to those she cared about. Yet on the flip side she was also the secret girlfriend/mistress to a married man. As the episodes played out, we saw that she was truly sympathetic and remorseful about cheating with Tiffany’s husband, but she also deeply cared/had real feelings for him. She was NOT a gas-lighted, taken advantage of teen with some crush. 1st half of S1 she owned up to her part in the mutual secret affair and later after she and Ryan broke up, they found common ground with each other (and still showed some romantic feelings). Yet somehow by 1x18 things were changed and she was turned into a victim and Ryan was the perpetrator/villain of her story. It was cringe-worthy. Now yes, I know that the affair started when she was 17. However, George was a smart and capable person not some young, doe-eyed, naive little girl. Also, keep in mind that in several US states and (other places around the world) 17 is an age of consent. A person can get also get emancipated even younger. Moreover, it would be one thing if that was how the season started but this turn happened mainly just to force Fanson/put her with Nick – who is a good, honest protector type. The same Nick who up into around 1x15 was definitely still in love with Nancy. For some reason the ND writers tried (in a failing way) to erase Drewson for Fanson. It took away from the story and most importantly the characters. Nick suddenly stopped being in love with Nancy after the “grace period” of their breakup was over even though his reason for breaking up with her had nothing to do with their lack of love/romantic feeling. He was also suddenly was completely fine with Drewvin even though he was jealous/troubled of their attraction multiple times. Nancy seemed to have no problem with the idea of Fanson even though she showed the opposite on a few occasions AND was still in love with Nick (re-watch/pay attention to 1x13). George went from having a little crush on Nick to falling complete and even interpreting Drewson moments. I also feel like during the production of S1 certain people complain via social media about the dynamic between George and Ryan to the point the writers changed direction after the renewal and went with the vulnerable female and oppressing male route. IT WAS NOT NEEDED. They also went out of the way to make Ryan the bad guy. Yes, Ryan was also in the wrong and somewhat shady but by the end of S1 it was clear that he was like his parents. Almost 20 years later he still loved Lucy. He fell in love with her when he was a spoiled rich boy even though she was the not rich “towny girl” from the other side of the tracks. He had some bad tendencies, but he also showed genuine regret, dislike for his family dealings, and character development. During Tiffany’s funeral when he thought he was alone he apologized to her when he was next to her casket. When he found out Nancy was his daughter, he wanted to be part of her life and regretted not knowing about her. He cried after their argument by his car. He stood up to his parents and confronted his father. Even defied him to help Carson. He got copies of Lucy’s journal and was trying to see if his father physically hurt her and went searching to see if they had a child. He was deeply hurt he thought she killed herself while pregnant thinking he hated and abandoned her. He was also remorseful about how he treated George. Another thing that was changed was the Ryan and Tiffany plot breaking up plot. Overall, several dynamics started off strong but fell flat by the season finale (which I know was supposed to go past 1x18 but was changed because of Corona Virus). S2 needs to change things back. Stop with George being a victim. The situation with Ryan became so cliché and she became a used mistress instead her and Ryan evolving. If George and Ryan weren’t gonna eventually reunite then Ace should have become her love interest instead of Nick. The show didn’t need a love triangle, Fanson felt lacking and contrived plus George and Ace could have been so interesting because of their different personalities. Nancy and Nick also need to definitely find their way back to each other in S2. DREWSON was the love story of the show. They had far more emotion, balance, chemistry, passion, depth, development and potential compare to the other couples. They felt real together.

[startwithbrooklyn]

THE GREAT ND REWATCH OF 2021 / OCTOBER 5, 2019 // return of josh

oooookay folks! that's a wrap! below are my comments about tonight's ep + additional expansions on previously stated opinions. i'm not combining s2 ep 1 with this bc s2 is dead to me! so is s3! i only did this to gather up all these loose thoughts i had when this show with its one lonely season became such a comfort to me that i developed a second consciousness about it. but with these posts i am done! the evil is defeated! i will carry on through the 3rd and hopefully final season of nancy drew with less emotion and better spirits. thank god.

-"talk to owen" nancy firstly thinks of talking to owen only to see what happens w the agleaca; saying goodbye comes as sorta an afterthought mirroring tiffany's possession of george. yet nancy was unable to say goodbe to owen just like w kate. knowing this reveal about kate, i wonder if this was foreshadowing that something big will be revealed about him later? unlikely but still

-nancy + the reality of broken things: 'totems' like broken sand glass sculpture (good place) to show you it's not a dream; "owen broke that" ghost trap to ground him to reality, like how she reached for her locket in the good place, lucy's charm, ace's bear ('totems' idea borrowed from inception)

-george has never been an affectionate person, even with other women- so why does pda with nick suddenly become so important?

-lots of comments about ryan + women but what about carson/kate and karen? again with the hypocritical (interestingly, there is an aspect of violence to women connected with ryan (even though that violence is not his fault); but its not like kate or karen fared well either)

-ryan feels useless- relationships with women as stated by nancy- he seeks to redeem himself by showing up where nancy goes to prove he is good to have around/necessary/needed - but now that he is attempting to act as a parent he has to break through nancy's defenses all over again- firstly she didnt really consider him any kind of threat bc he comes off as incompetent- ie bad business deals- i think i mentioned last ep, their hauntings equalize them as they both attempt to gain peace by searching for answers but now ryan has changed the terms of engagement so he's back to square one, with carson. (which is how we find them s2 cowering in ryans car stalking nancy together)

-ryan's relationship to nancy exposes an interesting layer here. so far she doesnt know about nick/george but they still hold the cards (ie george gets one over on nick's ex/"the new girl") with the revelation of ryan being nancys father, nancy gains an interesting trump card in navigating the social fallout of being nick's ex. like george would take the new spot but then nancy comes out with george's ex in a much higher category. this plays out later on in the ep when george confronts ryan. george wants to talk about "them" but ryan shows up completely focused on nancy, thus illustrating the trump

-"i thought it was whitney with another insipid question" to me this sounds like whitney took bess's advice earlier about "asking aunt diana what she wants" (only to learn it actually annoyed the hell out of diana lmaoo)

-"then you need to fight for it" this hearkens nancy earlier by asking "arent you in by virtue of dna?" the test was positive; she is a marvin just like nancy is a hudson. thats not a fact that they can change. however, diana really acts like it can be changed- and in s2 we see it does change. its interesting for bess to be told to fight to be in a family she's already in and also foiled by nancy trying to fight her way out of her own family. would like to see bess stand up to diana and say something. i mean, she exists. as much as she may want to erase bess from the family, diana cannot erase her existence

-hannah's rolled up sleeves 💙

-"previous keepers records" -from s2- were those not her parents??

-mistaken murderers- everyone incorrectly assumes lucy was murdered just as they assume the agleaca killed owen

-even if owen weren't the price, how can they pay the toll without one of the people who called? i mean if it was anything other than owen and he still died they still wouldve been fucked

-"you don't need to check, i'm not even driving!" okay and giving up the goss. cassidy is me. lmfaoooo

-wonder if this locked marvin industries box will ever come back

-UNPOPULAR OPINION: george's confrontation with ryan comes waytoo late to do anything. i think i brought this up in an earlier post. its literally just her screaming at him now. like he is clocked out moved on. you know a good time for this scene? in the claw when he comes by to "check on her". hes vulnerable, fresh from rehab. and she has a chit over him for punching bookcases/the fuckin country club deal. therewould have been a perfect time to confront ryan on what happened- "what you did to me" okay sis. you admitted ep 1 you werent in hs anymore. youre of age now. admit you fucked up. take the L to force him to swallow the bigger L. and imagine how much more powerful the scene would have been- in george's domain, literally her own office, something ryan doesnt even have because HE DOESNT DO SHIT. ryan is SO EASY to trap but nobody notices. instead they have george try to get some kind of apology out of him when hes already done with that, and only for the sake of her establishing a new relaionship to boot. imagine how much more empowered she would feel if she just got that closure for herself- because she needed it, not so she could trot straight back to nick being all proud of calling a grown man to some random estate only to scream at him in a parking lot and have accomplished nothing. 🤦🏼‍♀️

-i get patrice thinking nancy is lucy but yeahhhhh this isnt how dementia works 😬

-i almost cant with nance and josh. how do you save your would-be murderer? (+ lucy's best friend and brother are in jail, her mom is lost to her mentally; all she has left is nancy and ryan)

-tbh i had no idea how to spell agleaca until bess said "theres no i in agleaca!" i thought it was igleaka like 😂

-damn how george just stares at nicks hand and then gets out herself is just so sad (like she immediately rectifies it but still...)

-"curiosity" part II; nancy who comes back to the sea after her mother died in it- agleaca drawn to lucy's trauma/to agleaca, lucy died fir "love"- would nancy be willing to risk the same? // this is also one of nancy's "mirroring mom" moments: winning sea queen, going to the velvet masque, getting caught by celia, having a "chat" with everett, and "falling" off the bluffs

-the collector 🎵👌🏻

-i wonder if there's any significance to the locations/means of their deaths; nancy's is pretty straight forward in terms of where and how, but why george and nick drowning, in the truck specifically? drowning in love? idk. ace's at the claw i get, but he gets himself caught? in what precisely? what does the fish hook mean? and bess's makes the least sense- burning alive? in the marvin estate? maybe the agleaca picked the most painful death for the marvin blood relation? idk. up for debate lmk ya thoughts

and lastly:

-i remember seeing this ending for the first time and i had just been traumatized by avengers endgame and since black widow is also a redhead seeing that shit at the bottom of the cliff it was like 😰😰😰 TOO SOON

-random thoughts-

these are just things i noticed, feel free to grapple with them or take note of them for extrapolation in s3 (lord knows i wont be) they probably belonged in recaps for previous eps but i either didnt find them in my notebook or couldnt fit them in

•nancy and truth/the perception of truth: using facts to suit theories instead of creating theories to suit facts- nancy often plays with the perception of truth and the details that fall between the steps; but she is also a victim to them by people who also know how to play the game (ie Carson) ex lying about the dress (tea cups and knives, trash got picked up, bail paid 1 hr ago) her inferences can be off from what others tell her ("people always lie") but she can also come to the wrong conclusions organically (carsons trial) more willing to believe the best in others/wanting them to be innocent (think nick ep 1) but later finding out the truths hurts more so she chooses to isolate herself and avoid involving others to be spared pain

•maybe i'm dumb, but who is "mr marvin" exactly? owen? the bald guy from the funeral? this comes from the guy who takes sailboats out like ep 4ish and says "ive worked for the marvins 20 years" she compliments the ship, he says "mr marvin and i just took her out this morning" so?? who is that? plus last ep just saying cassidy and isaac are her "late husbands children" dows thet mean sebastian? like did diana marry in? i feel like it would be odd for her to so embrace the "marvin way" if she wasnt a true born marvin

•ik college becomes a more s2 topic but none of the crew have ever been to college 🤔

•nick + the relationships with people whose reputations are tarnished: tiffany with investigating the hudsons/marvins, josh with murder/attempted murder, kate and 'stealing'/lying about nancy (esp compared to her almost preternatural kindness i mentioned before), george and her mom/family's reputations --> this kind of segues into nick + the concept of believing people you love could be capable of horrific things- accidental or on purpose (see- having to tell his family what happened)

•at the beginning, nancy kind of seems to be the "i'm sorry you're upset" kind of apologist and knows it. she also doesnt usually apologize earnestly bc shes never really sorry (she always has to get what she needs first ie coins mess) and she doesnt want to lie; to me it seems she doesnt like to bother with other people bc they require certain cues/niceties that are often lies- they ask "how are you" without meaning it, they dont really want an honest response except "fine", they dont like it when you call them out on fakeness, etc/ they require apologies for their bruised feelings even if youre right (and nancy can be pretty rude/nasty if provoked- a harshness unsoftened by sympathy)

•cont'd from the good place ep- since kate apparently means nothing to nancy anymore according to last ep ("stop calling her my mother") is her policy of "always seek the truth" now null and void? this mantra is now tainted bc the person who gave it to her broke it so much. can nancy disengage w it now? does she fall from grace to be complicit in "mysteries" of her own like everyone else? does she lose some of her "god-like" holier than thou act bc she is now literally born and raised in the "darkness" of sins/ugly truths like everyone else's? (ie truth is ugly but not to nancy, until now)

•did lucy disappear because her "murder" was finally solved? or simply because her trauma was addressed- she never meant to tell anyone about her suicide plans, the twisted trauma of which was too great to contain/unable to move on due to "sin" - or unable to move on because secret of nancy's parentage still remained? "lucy never wanted me to figure out how she died" she only wanted nancy to figure out her parentage without solving the mystery, yet did lucy see/witness nancy's revelation at the claw, or with carson, or even ryan? waiting for karen/josh to know? or just vanished?

•concept of imperfect mom figures- lucy, kate, celia, victoria, even karen- who all struggle with failings

•since karen dispelled one of lucy's attempts at nancy's haunting at the garden party, is that proof she isn't haunting karen?

•the crew + needing adult help: george's possession and victoria, club busted and owen, car accident and mcginnis, thom and cipher, larkspur lane and sal, bones and john, agleaca and hannah

•everett is always sitting- at his home office, at dinner, at yacht club (wonder if that was his actor + had to do with his recasting?)

-dad talk-

•both her dads think negatively on her "girl detective" thing but ryan sees use in it as a means to get answers, carson would never 'use' her in that way

•nancy + carson : suffering

"what about what i wanted?" + carson being imprisoned for weeks but she immediately rejects him (the DAY he gets his freedom no less) with no regard to his suffering (caused by herdiary!!) in regards to her own from this new knowledge (she does suffer a lot- "almost dying is my new normal" but still)/ the "thankless job" of parenting

•nancy + adults - connected to cop thing a few posts earlier : nancy is v precocious and smart for her age- she is "old enough" but also has trouble with the "adults" in her life- fathers, moms, karen, and cops letting her down but depends heavily on "adults" she cantrust- hannah gruen, john sander, lisbeth- highlighting her youth and occasional naiveté; nancy is unafraid to hold adults accountable for their actions (ie karen) but also loses them as allies along the way. both hannah and john are very nonthreatening and also experts in their fields, while her fathers and karen are revealed to be "just another brick in the wall" average, capable of mistakes, and not the people she expects them to be, while characters like john and hannah can only benefit nancy because either they do not mean as much to her or have no reason/nothing to gain by lying; they are purposefully shown to be small, demure, gentle, and nonthreatening as foils/opposed to karen, ryan, and josh whom she previously trusted; carson (+kate) is nonviolent as well but has the biggest betrayal which is perceived as an act of violence to her very personhood/shattering who she thought she was so she cannot be that anymore (admits truths to john "everytime i dig i hurt everyone" and hannah-agleaca) : unclear if redemption is possible for anyone :

•nancy bonds with carson over loss and then ryan over haunting. but actually, nancy rejects carson over loss bc she wanted to say goodbye and wasnt allowed to- so carson was with kate but nancy was not. nancy and ryan are more equals about haunting bc they both start around the same time and conclude together as well [nancy and ryan bond over thinking their parents conspired to kill lucy- think sitting on the floor at velvet masque] nancy is appreciated by ryan for her ability to get answers- he has no qualms about going through her/outside of police bc he wants results/instant gratification and thinks nancy is more so the expert in her field/respects her even through her age- once again acknowledging she is braver than he is (think lucy + claw parking lot) and her portent in the car freaks him out bc shes usually always in control, esp with him

•bc nancy was told "you can't be afraid of the truth" until she was / ironic bc shes braver than him except when the truth is they are related then she's scared to tell him while he actually starts to take some initiative

•nancy picked "the wrong person" to help her through her grief in her dad's eyes like her mom's best friend was somehow a better choice? carson truly "parents" nancy even during grief and haunting (which she rejects) whereas nancy and ryan are really equals in all their situations which is actually better for her and easier for her to maintain- nancy's expectations are low so anything that ryan gives is a bonus. nancy's expectations of carson were shattered by his lies so now she has nothing to connect with him about- they could barely even connect when sharing the same grief- carson actually very hypocritical hence nancy's upset at karen revelation yet carson doesn't agree bc hes the "adult" and shes the "child" not realizing she hadnt been one for a long time (hidden staircase perhaps?) whereas ryan better treats her with lack of controlling parental nature bc he is impressed with her competence before he receives that knowledge; "lucy was smarter than me too" acknowledging her intellect negates his ability to "parent" ie control her to leave him solely with caring about her wellbeing in her situations + aftermath - i honestly dont think carson would ever admit that shes smarter than him* bc he thinks shes not "all grown up" yet ("youve kept me on the bench for years"); ryan is more willing to meet her where she's at which is so important for all her good relationships - ace, owen, etc

*carson asks for nancy to figure out "who to trust" in ep 12, finally admitting that she is useful/ie acknowledging that her skills/abilities do help, are necessary, and can in fact save lives --> this is then s2 follow up by working for him (but it takes him that long)

•ryan/nancy/carson venn diagram - using sex to escape trauma

•if not carson vs ryan then what about celia and everett vs patrice (and josh)? at this point in the narrative, do you think ryan's parents would take his side should the knowledge become public (without their involvement), or deny nancy?

•"we were a family" + the disruption of family dinner- kate was really the one holding that family together and her death makes it unsustainable

okay!! that's all folks! i have exhausted my plethora of nancy drew thoughts + knowledge. you will never have to hear from me again!! TYSSM 😘

[screamingintosilence]

Heartbeats in the Quiet

Summary: It was usually just a cold, but this felt like the flu. Future Fic One-Shot of our favorite couple being their worry-wart selves. Nancy would be an amazing doctor.

Pairing: Mileven

Can also be read on AO3 here

December 9, 1994

Jane ‘El’ Wheeler (née Hopper) was worried.

That wasn’t anything new, Mike liked to tease her about being such a worry wart over everything. He understood that it stemmed from her days in the lab, of always feeling the pressure to please, so even though he teased, he also reassured. Mike was her God send and she still thanked her lucky stars every morning that he found her in the woods.

But El was worried more than usual. Winter seemed to have come early this and it felt like there weren’t enough layers or hot coffee and cocoa in the world to keep her from freezing. Even now as she sat bundle on their couch in their small one bedroom apartment with her favorite Christmas movie on and the biggest mug they owned filled to the brim with steaming hot Ovaltine clutched in her small hands, she was shivering.

She had even resorted to dragging their portable radiator from the bedroom out into the living area and putting it on the highest setting, something Mike was sure to be slightly annoyed at when he came home.

She had left her job as a speech therapist at the local elementary school early today, which worked out in her favor since she didn’t need to see anyone after noon on Fridays, which is what today happened to be.

For the past few days she had been waking up to nausea and puking out whatever they had eaten the night before, which given the time of year wasn’t completely strange, but she usually got the flu around mid-January.

Probably this stupid weather, she thought crossly, watching as George told Mary that he would give her the moon. El had always hated the cold, after everything she had experienced as a child, no one could blame her. But El adored Christmas. Their friends and family all laughed at her enthusiasm for the holiday, but they loved watching how giddy it made her.

This of course is why catching the flu this early was causing her to be downright miserable. She was used to the occasional sniffles that she had because of the weather changing drastically, but the flu tended to put her out of commission for days, a feeling that she loathed.

Her head snapped to the door as she heard keys rattling from the outside. She reached out with her mind to quickly unlock and open the door to see a stunned Mike on the other side, his hand looking like it was just about to put the key into the door.

He blinked in surprise as he saw his wife of 3 years curled up in the middle of their sofa with a blanket wrapped over her head and several others around her body, looking miserable as all get out.

“El, baby, are you ok? Why is it a sauna in here?” The heat of the room finally hit him as he quickly took off his outer layers all the way down to his undershirt as he stepped into the apartment, kicking the door closed behind him. He had no clue how she wasn’t dying from heat stroke. Once he was untangled from his clothes he strode around the couch, hands reaching out for her face to see if her temperature was off.

She let out a shriek as his hands made contact with her skin, “Mike! They’re freezing! Stop!”

He quickly pulled his hands away and held them close to the radiator. He took notice of how high it was set before turning back to the shivering woman next to him. “El, sweetheart, are you feeling ok? You look miserable.”

His words triggered something in her as tears started pouring down her cheeks and sobs to break from her lips. Panic overtook the young man as he scrambled to think of what he had done to set her off.

“I’m ugly?” she whimpered. The logic part of her brain was trying to tell her to get a grip, that she was overreacting, but the emotional part was all out of wack.

“What?! Baby?! Why are you crying?!” Mike was cradling her face and wiping her tears away as best he could but she just kept on sobbing.

“Be-because George would have given Mary the moon, a-and then you came home and I’ve missed you so much, and then you put your freezing hands o-on me, and then you said I look mi-miserable which means you think I’m ugly! And I’ve been feeling like crap every morning, and my boobs h-hurt and my whole body hurts, and I think I’m getting the flu early this year w-which isn’t fair because I love Christmas!” her blubbering rant ended when her sobs became too much and all Mike could think to do was pulling his tiny wife, blankets and all, into his lap after setting down her mug on the coffee table.

“Baby, shhh, it’s ok. You’ve seen this movie a million times and haven’t cry at it in years,” her sobs seemed to only increase as she took his statement as him pointing out a flaw. “Shit, baby, I’m sorry! That came out wrong. But I think you’re the most beautiful woman in the entire universe, I just thought you were looking sick, which you just said you feel like you might be!” His hands were running up and down her back trying to calm her as best he could. “If you’re getting the flu, we can go to the doctor and get medicine! I’ll nurse you back to health as fast I can so we can still enjoy all our Christmas traditions. It’ll be ok, I promise.”

Her sobs had slowed, finally quieting, and her tears had ceased as she tucked herself into her favorite place, under his chin. “I'm just so exhausted and ready for this to be over. And I already called Dr. Denebrough’s office, they said they can't get me in until Monday,” he could hear the pout in her voice.

“We could go to Nancy. I'm sure she could squeeze us in,” Mike offered as El simply snorted in response, still wiping her damp cheeks.

“Nancy is a ob-gyn, Mike. Besides, it's already 3:30, I doubt she's going to want us to come in this close to the practice closing.”

“El, it's Nancy were talking about, she loves you. Even more than she loves me! And besides, she'd be able to write you a prescription at least.”

El let out a sigh but knew that when Mike was determined to help, he was like a dog with a bone. Plus, he was probably right, and it would be wonderful to get better and be back to her happy holiday-joy-infused self as soon as possible.

“Fine,” she conceded while rolling off Mike's lap and back onto the couch so he could call his sister.

“Hey Miss Dawn, it's Mike Wheeler... Yeah, we're doing good. Hey, is my sister free right now by chance? Ok great!” Mike knew he always had speed through the greeting with the elderly receptionist that worked at the practice Nancy was established at. He was put on hold for a few minutes while they tracked her down for him.

“Hey Nance! Yeah, yeah, everything is good, well with me at least... Woah! Calm down, she's ok, she's on the couch... Look, she's actually why I'm calling... What? No! We talked about this, Nance,” he said the last part under his breath so El couldn't hear over the sounds of It's A Wonderful Life.

Nancy had freaked on the other end asking if El was pregnant, which was something that was actually a very hard spot for the couple. They had found out about three years ago that the chance of El ever getting pregnant were less than 0.01% because of what she had endured in the lab.

Dr. Brenner had been honest and upfront about it, refusing to sugar coat any of it, but none of it would have made the facts hurt any less.

The time right after had been the worst point their relationship had ever reached. After going through the counseling, however, they had become stronger than ever before. They had even started tossing around the idea of maybe adoption or fostering within the last few months.

“Look, El’s just feeling sick and we want to see if it's the flu or maybe something else because she's been feeling pretty crappy and our usually family doctor can't get her in till Monday... You're free?.. And you really don't mind?.. Great, you're the best, sis... Yeah, yeah, I'm not repeating that. See you in a bit.”

As he hung up the phone, he had already layering all his clothes back on and checking on his wife who was not too happy about having to leave their cozy apartment for the bitter Indiana weather. He handed her her boots and held her pile of blankets that she deemed mandatory to bring along as she tied up the strings.

Once they were piled into the car, El wrapped in blankets with the car’s heat on high and vents pointing all at her, they drove quickly to Nancy’s practice on the edge of South Bend. Thankfully for them they only lived a short 20 minutes away instead of the hour that Hawkins was.

They bustled inside with a quick “Hello” to Dawn as Nancy ushered them back into an examine room, a nurse quickly following behind.

“Ok, El, just to make sure we hit all our bases here, I’m just going to have to go through the usual routine,” Nancy told the younger woman as the nurse stood by with a clipboard, poised to take down all the stats. El agreed, hoping they could figure out if it really was the flu or hopefully something a lot less serious to calm her incessantly worrying mind.

So after all the height, weight, blood pressure, and temperature taking, El was already feeling even more tired than she had started out.

“So, you say that you’re feeling cold? Even with a heater and blankets?” Nancy was looking down at the clipboard while scribbling notes once the nurse had left. El nodded, words feeling like too much work. “That’s a little odd. I can’t fully rule out the flu quite yet, but you’re not showing any signs of a fever or cold. In fact, your body temperature is quite literally on the dot of normal.” Nancy’s eyes were slightly concerned, wishing she could find an easy solution for her sister-in-law. “I’d like to do a blood test, if you are ok with it. I know it’s not your favorite,” she stroked El’s arm as her eyes grew a bit panicked at the thought, “but it’ll be by far the most accurate way without getting too intrusive to try and see what might be wrong.”

When El finally conceded, squeezing all feeling out of Mike’s hand, Nancy called out to Jackie, the nurse, to bring in the blood test kit. When all was said and done, with an averted panic attack thanks to Mike, Nancy made sure to put a special rush request on the results to in the lab.

“It usually takes two hours for the results to come back, but I’m hoping with how slow today has been that maybe they’ll be able to get it done sooner,” Nancy wrote some more notes on the sheets before looking up to El biting her bottom lip. Mike was staring at his wife in worry, wishing there was something, anything to make her feel ok.

“What have you been feeling lately? Tell me exactly, don’t leave anything out,” Nancy was hoping that maybe she would be able to narrow down what could possibly be affecting one of her favorite people.

“Well,” El glanced at Mike who nodded reassuringly. “I’ve been waking up feeling nauseous for what feels like a few weeks now, but have only started throwing up this past week. And it hasn’t just been in the morning, sometimes my lunch smells weird which makes me nauseous. I’m always so tired and my body is sore, which might be from the vomiting but I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck. My boobs especially, but it’s probably from my period coming. They’re always super tender,” El could see all the concern clouding Mike’s eyes since she hadn’t been telling him everything.

“And she’s been feeling like she’s freezing,” Mike added on for good measure.

Once Nancy had written it all down, she looked back over her notes, and then leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees and her face in her hands. She was wary of asking what she wanted to ask, but in her line of work, she felt it was something she needed to to cover all her bases.

“El, sweetheart,” she started out gently. “Just to check all my boxes, I need to ask. When did you have your last period?”

El was startled at the question since Nancy knew about her condition. But as El thought about it  more, she couldn’t think of writing on the calendar for the month of November when it started. She was meticulous about making sure to note it down, ever since she had started at 14 and Joyce told her to. Mike would make sure, but they had gotten so busy after Halloween this year with all the festivities, decorating, and prep for Thanksgiving and Christmas, she hadn’t even thought about it.

She worriedly looked to Mike to see if maybe he remembered, but he was slowly shaking his head, eyes wide as he looked back at her.

“I-I can’t, I can’t remember,” her worry was increasing tenfold, hoping desperately that wouldn’t mean that there was something more serious going on. “It might, it might have been the end of September. That’s when I remember for sure having it.”

Nancy sat thinking seriously for a few minutes, trying to consider everything. She knew how devastating the news of her brother and the love of his life being very unlikely to conceive was to them, especially taking into consideration of El’s and Mike’s love of kids. She really didn’t want to jump to any conclusions, but she was desperately hoping for them.

“You know what? How about you guys go for dinner? I want to look through some stuff and it will give me enough time for your blood test results to come back,” Nancy suggested. She knew that El’s symptoms could actually apply to quite a few different things, especially her feeling cold being thrown into the loop, and wanted enough time to look through the medical books she kept in her office as well as be able to consult the results to be sure.

Mike and El were uneasy at the suggestion with so much uncertainty up in the air, but eventually they agreed and went on their way to a cafe just down the road from Nancy’s office, Mike doing his best to reassure his wife who he knew was internalizing everything.

Nancy was spending her time running through her books, not being able to place every single symptom of El’s into one thing. An hour since sending the blood work to the lab, a lab tech appeared at her door, a file folder in his hands.

Nancy quickly glanced over the sheet, her eyes growing wider as what it was trying to tell her sunk in, tears overtaking her as the reality of the news she was going to have to deliver hit her. She was just drying her eyes as Jackie stuck her head in to let the young ob-gyn know that her brother and sister-in-law had returned.

“Thanks Jackie. Can you show them into the exam room? Oh, and one more thing,” Jackie nodded in response to Nancy’s request as Nancy finished pulling herself together and made sure she had everything in order before she had to give them the life changing news.

She made her way back to the room were El and Mike were waiting for her. The minute she entered their eyes snapped to her, begging her to tell them good news. She gave a tight, small smile as she asked El to lay on the exam table.

“So I have the results from the blood test back-”

“And?” Mike demanded, cutting her off.

She held her hand up to keep him from attacking her, “And there is one last test, or rather check, I would like to do to just to be one hundred percent sure. Given, it might actually not show me anything this early in your condition,” El ears perked at ‘condition’ as every worst case scenario shot through her mind.

“Whatever you have to do, do it. I need to know,” El cut of any more explanation Nancy might have continued to give as Mike gripped her hand hard.

“If you wouldn’t mind unbuttoning your pants and pulling your shirt up a bit,” Nancy asked as she wheeled over the machine that had a small screen with keyboard and wand that had already been prepped for her by Jackie.

Mike’s eyebrows disappeared into his hairline at his sister’s request as he also took in the machine. “Why, Nance? And isn’t that an ultrasound machine?”

“Well, yes. But ultrasound machines can be used for a great many things, not just to check if you’re pregnant,” she tried reassuring the young couple. “It’s less radiation and time than an x-ray, plus it’ll give me a chance to search for what I’m looking for.” Mike quirked an eyebrow at her but her face gave nothing away.

El, who was lying prone at an angle on the table, had already complied with Nancy’s request, willing to do anything her sister-in-law asked of her, as long as they could find out what was wrong.

“I’ll need to spread this gel so that the wand can pick up a picture. It will be cold, is that ok?” Nancy looked at her to make sure she had her consent and El nodded back. After the sharp intake of breath at first contact, Mike wrapped his arms around his love the best he could while staying out of the way.

The whole damn room is cold, he thought bitterly, hoping this wouldn’t take too long. His hands covered El’s as she reached up for them, trying to keep her as warm as possible.

Nancy had been fiddling around with the wand for a few minutes, slowly swiping it slowly across El’s abdomen by her pant line. After clicking a few buttons here and there, she donned a pair of headphones. At Mike’s questioning gaze Nancy gave a stern, “I just need you to trust me and let me do my job.”

After another minute or so, she slipped them off, giving the two people in front of her a small smile. “I’m not sure how to tell you this, but I think I first need to show you.”

Both Mike and El looked at her and each other completely lost as to what Nancy was trying to tell them. In their confusion, Nancy had replaced the wand to a certain area of El’s stomach before flipping a switch on the ultrasound machine, letting a loud whooshing sound flood the room.

“What is that?” bewilderment still prevailing through Mike. Nancy just smiled and turned the screen to them, pointing at a miniscule dot on the screen.

“It��s a heartbeat,” her smile growing wider as their confusion only grew.

“But my heart’s up here,” El was holding her hand over her chest.

Nancy moved the wand from El’s lower belly to over her heart, the sound changing to a low, steady heartbeat, slower than before. “That’s actually your heartbeat, El. This,” she moved the wand back to its original position, the swooshing, galloping sound playing through the speakers once more, “is a different heartbeat.”

As the reality of what she was saying to them finally seemed to sink in, El’s hand tightened on Mike’s, cutting off circulation. Mike, however, didn’t even register the feeling as his whole body seemed numbed, the shock overriding his nervous system.

“It’s still really early, you’re looking at about 10 weeks or so, so it’s imperative that you listen to your body and be careful about this. The first trimester is usually the highest chance of a miscarriage, but with you El, I’d be careful the whole time. I would say your coldness might have something to do with all your heat being pulled to your core to keep this little one safe and warm. It is a bit unusual, so I would definitely check in with Dr. Brenner soon, but congratulations! You guys are going to have a baby!” Nancy couldn’t contain the giant smile and small squeal of excitement over the thought of these two deserving souls getting something they had hung up as being impossible.

“Oh my god,” Mike finally managed to choke out just as sobs started coming from El’s direction. As his eyes turned to her, his heart felt like it was going to explode as massive amounts of fear and panic overtook him at his wife’s tears. He folded her into his arms, “Baby, it’s going to be ok. We’ll figure it out, we’ll make sure we’re safe. Everything is going to be ok.”

“I c-can’t believe it!” she was wailing. And while she knew that she should probably calm down to make sure her husband knew that she wasn’t upset, all her brain could think of was that there was a precious life growing inside of her and that it was made up of her and Mike.

Knowing there was no way for her to get words of reassurance out, she lifted her lips to Mike’s as she threaded her fingers through his inky locks, pouring everything she was feeling into the kiss.

When they finally pulled apart, Mike rested his forehead on hers, eyes staring into her chocolate browns, thumbs wiping away her tear tracks. “You’re absolutely amazing, baby. I love you so much, Ellie. We’ll make sure we do everything right and that we’re careful to make sure this little one is safe and warm and happy,” one of his hands dropped to stroke her lower belly which was still covered in the gel; he could care less.

Tears still in her eyes, she gripped him fiercely, “Thank you, Mike. Thank you for saving me and continue to save me. Thank you for being my miracle.”

“Thank you for being mine.”

As they drove home that night, Mike going well under the speed limit and El gave a small eyeroll, they thought back to everything they had gone through and ahead to everything they were about to go through. They knew it was going to be a very difficult journey and that no matter what they did or how they prepared, there would be something unexpected.

In this moment, however, with all the doubts and worries, they felt the one thing they didn’t realize they hadn’t felt for a while now...Hope.

[gcalit]

The George Bailey Conundrum (Featured in the December 2018 Issue)

by Todd Willhite

It's that time. Some would say it's the most wonderful time, at least of the year. I have had an odd relationship with Christmas ever since Christmastime 1990. That was the year that a certain Christmas movie triggered an existential crisis in my 10-year-old brain.

Because we had hit our goal of food donations for the needy we got a prize of watching a movie in the gym, on the big screen, actually there was no screen. Just a wall. We were all led to the gym and sat by class, fourth grade in the back because we were the oldest and tallest. The projector was set up in the middle of everyone and a murmur came over the gym when the lights were turned out and the emergency exit signs cast an eerie, red glow over the milk cooler.

After about 30 seconds the lights came on again because Mr. Hund was having troubles running a projector from 1965. We all had a good laugh at his ineptitude and I vowed to remember this moment for a good burn later in front of the class. Mr. Klink, the principal, silenced us and the lights went out again as the projector began to hum. The movie started and worked through the garbled sound that always accompanies cinematic fare viewed with dated technology. The title screen appeared and we finally found out we would be watching It's A Wonderful Life, which seems rather cliche but we were only kids and most, including myself, had yet to see it.

We watched in silent awe as the incomparable Jimmy Stewart embodied George Bailey, a down on his luck banker who gets into a drunken bar fight and then heads to a bridge to kill himself in the icy river below. I was 10 and there were 1st graders watching, too. Gotta love the early '90's and its complete disregard for the emotional well-being of children.

We all know the story, George goes to the bridge but his guardian angel Clarence falls in first and George saves him. Clarence goes on to show George what life would be like if he were never born (which I thought was dumb. Why not ask to see what life would be like if he had actually committed suicide? He was born and those things won't change but maybe his suicide will lead to a prosperous new town...). So George sees that the town and its people would be much worse off had he been a stain in his mother's bloomers instead of growing up to become the worst banker in Bedford Falls, NY.

One thing that I didn't notice 'til I was older was that no matter what happened to George financially, he was still a lucky man to have that hot piece of ass Mary Hatch Bailey at home, played by the incomparable Donna Reed. I would live in dumpster behind a Long John Silver's in Arizona, if it meant that I got to stick it to Donna FUCKING Reed a couple times a week. She's that perfect combination of housewife, homemaker, and dirty debutante that most men with mommy issues seek out but never find. The quintessential mother figure that was lost when women left the home for the workplace and became sexy, sexy secretaries (like that randy minx, Ms. Hathaway from The Beverly Hillbillies, played by the incomparable Nancy Kulp).

Well, George goes home and finds the townspeople have rallied together to fix all his financial problems like some kind of offline Gofundme and now he's happy cuz that's how depression worked in the black and white days. Then a bell on the Christmas tree chimed and his little girl says that famous line, "Everytime a bell rings, an angel gets his wings." How does she know this? How does anyone know this? Why would this be a stipulation for wings? Are angels in the summer screwed until a more bell-friendly season rolls around?

And with that iconic line the movie was over, school was out for break, and everyone had a merry Christmas. Except me. I was troubled for most of those two weeks off and even beyond. I couldn't help but wonder: What if It's A Wonderful Life's premise is a lie?

The premise, or argument (is every premise an argument or is that just my worldview?) is that every person has worth and if you, you special, rare platypus, were never born, your town, your family, and maybe the world would be worse off. The horror!

That argument is easy to make if you have a vitruvian specimen like George Bailey, who as a 12-year old saved his brother from drowning, and in his teens stoped a pharmacist from poisoning a young child with a poisoned prescription. Essentially saving two lives before he can even drive.

Then he saves the bank, helps hundreds of people buy homes instead of just paying rent, becomes a naval pilot during WW II even though he could have gotten out of it due to a bum ear, shoots down a plane that would have killed a transport, and earns the Medal of Honor.

It's not difficult to say that George Bailey has value. That if had he not been born, and no one took his place or those that did were incompetent, the community would be worse off. The world needs you George Bailey. We need you George Bailey. Your wife needs you, too. *wink, wink*

But what if you aren't George Bailey? What if you're just Ernie Bishop the cab driver? Or Violet Blick? Or Giuseppe Martini? (Played by Frank Faylen, Gloria Grahame, and William Edmunds, respectively). Or what if the people that had stepped in for George were better? What if his brother wouldn't have gone swimming because he had no brother to swim with? What if the kid hired by Mr. Gower noticed the poison and stopped him...and then told the police so the town would have then gotten maybe a better pharmacist, one that doesn't try to poison its residents when he gets a little melancholy? Or what if the navy would have gotten a pilot who wasn't deaf in one ear who would have not only saved the one transport but several others thanks to his supersonic hearing?

What if you meet your guardian angel and you ask to see life if you had never been born and everyone's life is better? Or a large majority? Or even just your family? George Bailey asked a dangerous question and got lucky. He had an opportunity to make his mark on Bedford Falls and he made the best of it. I remember thinking, I can't save anyone from drowning, I can't even swim. How can I question a local apothecary about his cure-alls when I can't even tell my own mother that her macaroni salad has too much mayo in it (and shouldn't have carrots at all, sorry mom)?

I thought of my guardian angel trying to conjure up a scrap of a reason I shouldn't off myself or worse yet... show me everyone in my family and town and how their lives are slightly better.

Showing me my friends with two more trophies on their dresser because they had a left fielder who could hit the cut-off man when the game was on the line. Or showing me my family sitting down to dinner with my middle spot on the crappy, uneven chair left out, as they all seem happier. My brothers would get more attention, my mother is 50 pounds lighter and not limping because in this reality she didn't dislocate her knee on my Mumra action figure, and my dad... well, my dad was a baby boomer dad so 2 kids or 3 kids, it didn't really matter to him much, but without me he would probably be happier since he wouldn't have to waste his Saturday mornings at my soccer games "cheering" me on.

My Clarence didn't do his due diligence and just figured that being born made everything better (what about Hitler, Clarence? Checkmate! Angels always forget about Hitler.) My Clarence keeps searching and struggling to find a family member or friend that would be worse off without me. He shows me my cousin who was born a few months after me thinking that she would be without a friend during family visits. But my Clarence forgot that I played with the boys and joined in on making fun of her and her girlish leanings…I also killed her goldfish and rubbed her Barbie's face on my butt.

I picture my Clarence then taking a break to look into the future so he can show me what I will become, how I will help people when I'm older and that the world needs me when I'm 30... and then realizes that ain't gonna convince me not to jump either. Well, luckily we didn't have raging waters like Bedford Falls. We only had a peaceful lake. My dad had guns but I wouldn't want to leave a mess... plus I didn't know how to load them. I doubt I knew about overdosing on pills, and I definitely would've wussed out on slitting my wrists. I just realized it's hard to kill yourself in small town America when you're ten years old.

Anyway…

I was a ten-year-old during Christmas time arguing with myself about suicide, instead of enjoying the Super Tecmo Bowl and Transformers I got as presents. Also, I never really found an adequate conclusion to the George Bailey Conundrum. Is there one? Now at Christmas I just watch the Rankin and Bass Rudolph 'cuz even though I usually feel like Dolly the doll from The Land of Misfit Toys (who people forget didn't really seem to be a misfit) of whom Producer Arthur Rankin later said she considered herself a misfit because of "low self-esteem and psychological problems," I can't help but forget my troubles when Yukon Cornelius wrestles that bumble.

Classic...

[sliceannarbor]

Thibault Roland

Fine Art Photographer/Biophysics Researcher Boston, Massachusetts thibaultroland.com

Photo by Satoru Murata

SPECIAL GUEST SERIES

Thibault Roland is a fine art photographer and biophysics researcher based in Boston, Massachusetts. He specializes in black and white seascapes, landscapes, and architecture, using long-exposure and tilt/shift techniques. A scientist by profession, Thibault earned a Ph.D. in physics and worked as a researcher at both Cornell University and Harvard University, where he studied fundamental biological mechanisms using optics and microscopy. Thibault’s work is represented by Kusch Gallery (Paris, France) and included in private and public collections. His work has also been recognized internationally by fine art organizations such as the International Photography Awards and the Prix de la Photographie de Paris. Thibault’s photography has appeared in international magazines and organizations, including Chasseur d'Images (France), Landscape Photography Magazine (UK), CameraPixo (US), Plus One Collection (book), Adore Noir Magazine (US), and The Municipal Art Society of New York. His public collections include the Boston Athenaeum's Prints & Photographs funds. Thibault is also an instructor at the New England School of Photography in Boston, and is supported by Sony via the Artisans of Imagery and the Global Imaging Ambassadors programs. When he’s not working, you can find him enjoying the company of friends, reading a good book, or in the darkroom testing alternate photography techniques. Thibault lives in the heart of Boston in a building from the late XIXth Century. His small apartment is filled with everything photography, ranging from the prints he collects to film and digital cameras and related equipment.

FAVORITES

Book: Game of Thrones by George R. R. Martin. I know, not very original, but for my defense I read it before it became popular.

Destination: Iceland, the Pacific Northwest, France

Film: Usual Suspects, Reservoir Dogs, Kill Bill

Motto: Sleep is overrated.

THE QUERY

Where were you born?

In Nancy, France.

What were some of the passions and pastimes of your earlier years?

When I was a teenager I used to play video games, and go to the movie theater and live music concerts with friends. I also was, and still am, an avid reader and travel lover. Every time I could discover a new place, either in my home town or in visiting another country, I would, and still do, jump on the occasion. I have always been fascinated by discovering new cultures, people, and places.

How did you begin to realize your intrigue with photography?

I started getting more and more attracted to photography, as I had the chance to travel abroad once or twice a year in my teens. Photography was a way for me to document these trips. About eight years ago, I started exploring the world of fine art photography and got more interested and curious about it as the years passed.

Why does this form of artistic expression suit you?

I have always been attracted to photography as a medium, more so than any other medium, such as painting or drawing. Being a scientist, I like the technical aspects of it, such as the way light can be shaped and directly imprinted onto a substrate. And, how the different printing, editing, and alternate photography techniques can actually blur out lines between these media, making photography sometimes look like an etching or a drawing. In a way, I find that photography gives me more versatility than other art forms. It has liberated me and offered many more options to express myself.

What path did your training/education follow?

I am a self-taught photographer. A few years ago I came across images taken by Micheal Kenna and fell in love with the unique look and atmosphere they had. I couldn't stop studying and admiring his work, and decided shortly thereafter to buy a neutral density filter. This is when I started the journey into long-exposure photography, and never stopped experimenting with it.

In what way has your scientific background played a role in your pursuit of/transition to photography?  

My scientific background has played a really big role in my photographic adventures. I got more serious about photography about 10 years ago when I was writing my thesis. I needed an excuse to go outside, clear my mind, and forget about science before I got back to writing about it. I also did a lot of sports at the time, but photography was my way to release my creativity and share with others in a different way. Since then, my love for photography and focus have only deepened, and I started to incorporate scientific and technical elements into my work such as general relativity.

How did you get your start in the business of art?

My career as a photographer really started when I began showing some of my work in local galleries. I have always done photography because I loved it, and it turned out that other people liked my work too. I realized I could turn it into more than just a hobby, and little by little, I was able to publish in magazines in different countries, show in more prestigious galleries, and have some of my prints included in private and public collections. In the last year or so, I also started to organize workshops, and to do some commission work.

How would you describe your creative process?

My creative process always starts with scouting locations and constructing an image in my mind, even before I pull the camera out of my bag. I always try to transcend reality and create a world of my own by using my camera and lenses like a painter uses colors and brushes to make his vision come to life. In my opinion, vision, or as Ansel Adams used to call it "visualization," is the most important aspect that a photographer, or any kind of visual artist really has.

Then, it's a question of getting the right tools to achieve this vision. I will use these tools (cameras, lenses, editing techniques etc.) in a scientific and very controlled way, and yet let the situation and weather conditions impact and imprint on that vision to give the final image. In a way, I love to orient the final effect in a direction that I choose, and still leave enough to chance to be surprised in the end. In that regard, my creative process is very close to film photography: you never know what you will have until the image is shot and developed/edited. Many times it does not work, but sometimes you get the perfect result.

What techniques do you use to accomplish the effects of your photography?

I have been using long-exposure quite extensively these last few years. It is a technique that relies on very slow shutter speeds (minutes vs. hundredth of a seconds in normal photography), and allows for the movement of subjects to imprint on the image differently: clouds and cars will be seen as streaks, vegetation will blur out, waves in the ocean will disappear rendering the water flat, and people can simply vanish.

Another technique that I have used a lot recently is tilt/shift. This approach allows me to change the field of view and/or introduce blur in the image in a highly controlled way, directly in-camera. It is a powerful tool to compose an image, introduce mystery and mood and focus the viewer's attention on a particular subject.

Why do you shoot primarily in black and white?

As a lover of photography in general, I have always been attracted to the black and white masters from the old days such as Cartier-Bresson, Capa, Doisneau, Adams, and also to contemporary photographers such as Kenna and Sugimoto. It is not the only reason though. In my eyes, black and white photography forces the artist to see the world differently; to create a more compelling image by relying on shapes, lines, and textures. For me, black and white is not a restriction, as it is does not take away but actually gives more. More freedom in how I will construct my imagery because I will not necessarily be forced to keep color tonalities the same, and more versatility as I can turn day into night according to my inner vision. It also brings the viewer into a world that is intrinsically different from ours, as they step away from this reality. And, it creates a sense of wonder and mystery, and brings out their imagination.

What types of scenes do you typically focus on with your work? 

I am mostly interested in seascapes, landscapes, and architecture.

What is it that draws you so strongly to these scenes?

I always look for subjects that will bring out an emotion to the viewer. A bright image will give a sense of calm and elation, while a very dark or contrasty one brings out tension and unease. For instance, seascapes have always captivated me. They are invitations to adventures, mysteries, and discoveries. A lighthouse is a perfect example, as they also bring out a sense of safety and strength. They are the beginning or the end of an odyssey. Landscapes and architectural photography tell stories about how man has shaped nature, making it mineral and strange. I love shooting such imagery, because taking out all human presence using long-exposure creates tension and mystery as we start feeling uncomfortable, expecting life where there is none in the image.

Do you have a favorite photograph and/or memory associated with a photograph you’ve shot? 

My series Sticks has a lot of meaning to me. It shows pilings from broken-up piers which I shot mostly in California a few years ago. The first time I saw these pilings was after a job interview that I had in San Francisco. After the interview I had a few hours to kill before flying back to the North East, and thought I would scout the area. I did not have my camera equipment with me at the time but marked the location of these sticks. The interview process did not lead to a job offer, and it took me more than a year to go back and shoot a whole series of these pilings. When I look at these images now, I think back on the initial reason I was there, and how things could have been different, had I worked and lived there. In a way, this series is a symbol for me of modern life and how one's life and destiny is shaped by the sum of their decisions and experiences past.

What might we find in your camera collection?

All of the work on my website is digital, and I am currently shooting with a Sony a7RII camera. I also have a Sony a7R that I had converted for infra-red photography. That said, I do use a few medium format film cameras, and I love to shoot one of my older 4x5 or 8x10 cameras, mostly for alternate techniques such as wet plate.

What do you consider the most important themes in your work?

Time. It is present in all of my images, through the technique of long-exposure. I am fascinated with how time flows, how we relate to it, and how it impacts us and our environment.

Is there a period along the way that has presented an important learning curve?

I am currently learning alternate techniques; in particular collodion photography. This is definitely a challenge, very demanding, and every little detail counts. I love every step of it, especially when you see the image forming on your tin or glass plate. It can be tedious and frustrating at times but it's also very exciting and rewarding.

How has your style/approach evolved over the years?

In the past, I tended to do things much more organically, with much less intent and a more imprecise process. My imagery was also darker, with higher contrast and more moody. These days, I think of every little detail while creating my images, going from the way I compose them to how and why I would use this or that technique, lens, and editing process. My thought process is also much more elaborate. I work on my images as a whole body of work, and as a series. This is a very important part of my creative process now, one which was entirely absent in my initial approach.

Do you have an artistic resource that you turn to? 

I use all kinds of resources, ranging from magazines to websites and newsletters: LensCulture, Photo District News, Sony Alpha Universe, and Lenscratch. But most of all, when I need advice or information, I love to turn to fellow photographers. In my experience, social media is a wonderful way to form bonds with fellow artists, and they are always happy to share about common passions.

What’s the best advice you’ve ever received?

Take criticism like it is: someone's opinion, good or bad. But don't take it too seriously. Do what you love, keep doing it, and keep showing your work.

From where do you draw inspiration?

I take my inspiration from all around me: myths and legends, science and history, science-fiction and movies, and TV or music.

Who in your life would you like to thank, and for what?

First and foremost, I would like to thank my mother, who has always believed in my artistic work and has always supported me in every one of my decisions and endeavors. I'd like to thank also the people and companies who have been supporting my work for many years, in particular Sony through their Artisans of Imagery and Global Ambassadors programs, and the many other photographers I have had so many deep and meaningful interactions with.

What three things can’t you live without?

My camera, a car (or any other means of transportation that allows me to discover new horizons), and a good book.

What drives you these days?

The thought that amazing places and people can be discovered either far away or right around the corner, and that I can share my adventures and feelings through my imagery.