#we go to mcdonald’s and talk about the nature of god and religion

[funky-lil-ghost]

nothing like standing in a hallway at 9:30pm and watching some guy stumble out of a dusty old classroom like he’s not sure what planet he’s on. he just waves and says good morning and we’re like. yeah. good morning to you too isaiah! anyway the queers are off to mcdonalds bye

[haechanokeh]

I’m right for you [pt. 3]

[teaser] [ Chapter 1 ] [ Chapter 2 ]

(you can play Die For You by The Weeknd while reading this 😌)

pairing: popular college! mark x average! reader

genre: romance, smut, angst, series.

warning: corruption, oral sex (both receiving and giving), cream pie, rough sex, mention of religion, rough sex, self-esteem, psychology, public sex, sub! reader, sex toys. possessive mark two-faced mark

I think I’m right for you, babe. You know what I’m thinking, see it in your eyes. You hate that you want me, hate it when you cry. It ain’t workin’ ‘cause you’re perfect and I know that you’re worth it I can’t walk away. (Die for you by The Weeknd)

today is you case presentation with mark. you were deeply affected of what happened in the cubicle but mark seemed unbothered because he was greeting you as usual. it wasn’t weird, he always greets everyone but what was really weird was your classmates. they were looking at you and it made you felt conscious, they were not saying anything but sometimes you catch them glancing at you but you brushed it off and focus on your brainstorming with mark.

yes you do dislike mark but you thank god that he's your partner. he never missed a question from your professor during case study on the other hand you're just standing beside him dumbly. you only understand the question AND the answer once mark responded. well, mark a very kind person he was, despite of answering it alone he made sure that you're included in the case saying base in y/n and my research, even lied that some are from my own research but of course not. plus, for some odd reason, your classmates' eyes were literally made you uncomfortable to the point you were having a hard time to breathe or your social anxiety attacking you. however, at the very moment, you want to give mark a tight hug for making your life easy.

the whole presentation ended. you were putting your things back to your back while standing while mark scrolling in his phone because his dad texted him asking if he could buy him some new pen. you gasped when an arm was on your shoulder, and that caught mark's attention but he hid his annoyance. 

"hey, y/n, i heard you like someone ha?" his brows were playfully raising. it was lucas, he gave mark a meaningful glance but mark smiled confusingly.

"what?" you didn't have any idea what he's telling you. 

"i heard someone saw-"

"mark!" mina suddenly appeared calling mark's name a little too loud which made lucas stop from talking. "we're going to a milk tea house, do you want to come with us?"

“y/n, come with us.” lucas pulled you closer to his body. mark was taring at lucas arm around your shoulder. you weren’t aware of mark’s expression because your mind was thinking ways to breakthrough from lucas. 

“no!” mina exclaimed. he caught everyone’s attention, and she became flustered. “i mean, we will only make her feel uncomfortable and lucas please remove your arms to y/n, she doesn’t look comfortable.” she mumbled. lucas did remove his arms from you. 

“milk tea? can we also come with you?” then the people started to surround mark. it became noisy, knowing you who’s allergic to people and noise sneaked out from the circle and left the room.

mark turned his head to look at you but you’re nowhere to be found. he sighed and forced himself to interact with his classmates.

your mother texted you that he will be away for one week because of their excursion. she left you an allowance good for one week including your meals for the whole day and transportation. you already had your dinner outside. right now you were just laying down on your favorite long sofa in your living room, watching NCT 2020 funny moments. suddenly, mark's name popped. mark is your class representative, he has access to class contacts and it wasn't that mark called you because you're always late in the class so for almost past 3 years he's the one you always contact just to inform the class that you're just late. 

wait, did i miss an announcement? you quickly left the class maybe something came up.

"hello, was there an announcement?" you directly asked

"none, just checking you. we haven't had a proper conversation awhile ago unless it's case related." 

you heart melted, he's very kind and sweet... that scares you.

"ah okay." you simply answered. it wasn't because you want to talk to him, well you really don't want to talk to him but it wasn't that he's annoying or anything- it was just you hate phone calls. you hate talking with someone in general unless it's your mom. 

"well, have you eaten yet?" he tried to save the conversation, he wanted to hear your voice longer.

"yes." it was a one-word reply. 

mark was slightly shattered because you don't seem to want to talk to him. he just thought that maybe you were tired.

"okay, goodnight."

"yeah." then you hang up. 

you returned watching youtube until you drifted into your dreamland... no it wasn't your dreamland.

you gasped and sat up as you woke from another perverted dream with mark. your chest was rising aggressively and you look down as you felt the wetness between your thighs. you raked your hands over your hair as you felt frustration and guilt. this was your second time that you dreamt of mark doing erotic things. you looked at the digital clock it was already 2 am. you groaned and stood up, you want to wash your body because the stickiness just made you feel more guilty if it stays there longer.

you entered your room and stripped, walking directly into your bathroom. you opened a warm shower and as the water trickled on your body, hands unconsciously trailing to the south. your dream was so hot, you can't lie about that. it was in the same cubicle but instead of his digits, it was his dick inside you. 

your eyes closed as you rubbed your bead slow while recalling your dream. you squeezed your left breast and imagining it was mark's squeezing it. you want something to fill your womanhood so you inserted your two fingers and thrust it. your lungs felt like being suppressed by pressure, your thrust became furious. 

"oh my- mark fuck." you moaned his name and you have never been so ashamed. it was so wrong but the feeling was so good that you weren't able to stop yourself from moaning. you felt the tension in your thighs. you knelt down and the hand that squeezing your breast was now on your clit rubbing it furiously. 

"mark! fuck right there." you felt the tension in your abdomen and your legs started to shake. your body just gave in, bending down, cheek shoved against the wet tiles while the warm water splashed on your body.

you screamed erotically, eyes rolling and lashes flickering. your legs were shaking as you reached your high.

 mark hasn't slept yet, it's okay for him because there are no classes. he was staring at the ceiling and mind preoccupied by you.

he was trying to understand why do you keep pushing him away even though you clearly wanted him too. mark did remember where you say he's very different from you, and so? what's wrong with it? what he didn't like is the thought of changing just for a single person but...

"shall i?" he chuckled bitterly. he was really close to his insanity. he feared that this affection will grow into something that is uncontrollable- like an obsession.  

he checked the time through his phone. it's 5 in the morning. he decided to jog outside, so, he took a quick shower and wore his tracksuit and running shoes. maybe if tiredness hits him, he will feel sleepy. mark already went to your house and he didn't tell you that his house is just a few blocks away from you, instead of going to his normal route, he changed it, jogging in your house direction.

when he was closed to your street, he was surprised to see you outside. he stood and admire your naturalness from afar. your hair was disheveled, your eyes weren't completely closed yet, and your face was a little puffy but it doesn't take away your beauty. plus, your cute teddy bear pajamas made him smile. he sends his gratitude to god because he created a masterpiece. 

yeah, mark is deeply in love and he thinks there's no way out of this feeling. 

you were actually waiting for your breakfast, your pancakes from mcdonalds and a warm chocolate drink. when the delivery arrived, you paid and gave him a tip for being quick. you were about to go back inside when you heard a VERY familiar voice which was owned by the person who sleep deprived you 

"Y/N!" his voice was loud, it even cracked. 

"what are you doing here?" you asked.

"morning jog, and good morning to you." he replied and greeted at the same time.

"jog.." you paused and gasped. "from your condo to here?!" you exclaimed in disbelief. mark laughed at your reaction. of course it'll shock you because you already been in his condo and if he jogged it from there to here, he was supposed to be passing out right now.

"no, my family house is actually a few blocks away from here."  he said.

WHAT?! this is not good. you thought. the more he gets closer the more he has access to your mind and body. you masked your displeased face and just nodded.

"okay, ahm. i'm heading back now. bye." you pointed at your house door and awkwardly turned your back walking towards your door.

you expected him to do something because he always do that but to your disappointment he didn't. you looked back to check if he was stil there but he was no longer standing there but you saw him jogging away from your direction. you sighed in disappoinment that made you mentally slap yourself for feeling very contradicting .

you ate miserably your affordable and favorite pancake.

mark took a bathe and go down to eat breakfast together with his parents. they prayed before eating. the cooked food by his mom made him question why your ordered delivery food for breakfast.

"how's school?" mark's dad asked him.

"good, still the same." he replied.

"your father will lead a service, you can invite your classmates. oh mina, you can invite her, she's very sweet girl." his mom said but she doesn't have any motive. she knew mark have not interest in romantic relationship as of the moment, her child was so focus in maintaining his grades and scholarship. at least, that's what he though.. if she only knew.

"i'll try." he forced a smile but behind it was growing tiredness. he knew that his classmates doesn't really want to praise but because they were so fond of mark and they just love to hang out. it defeated the purpose of going to church.

after the breakfast, mark's parent left for their work. he washed the dishes and went up stairs and stayed in his room with his music and guitar. it helped to detach his mind from thinking of you, but it was just temporary as he saw you name appeared in his phone. he almost threw his guitar just to answer your call very quick.

"y/n? why?" he sound so excited.

"ahm, mark... well.. perhaps, do you ahm, have notes from yesterdays discussion? i mean in all cases, not just ours?" you were very stuttering because of shyness. your class have long test about the cases but you're notes are everywhere and you can't understand your writings.

"yes." he said. he knew where this is going. he quickly get out from his bed and go straight to his closet, choosing shirt to wear. "do you need it? i can bring it to you."

"no, no. ahm, you do digital notes right? mind if you could send it through gdrive?" you really don't want to bother him... nah lies. you're just preventing things from happening.

mark paused for a moment and was a little hurt, he understood your statement as if you don't want to see him. but mark will not having any of that.

"it was handwritten though." he faked sorry. he hoped you didn't notice what he did there, hoping that you received it as if it was literally handwritten like directly to paper since he sounded apologetic.

"oh... i see. well, ahm, can you drop by in the house?"

mark still not satisfied by just dropping by.

"how about we study together? we can review together."

you translated it like 'the smartest in your class can help you'and that's very tempting. you can't easily study 8 cases and you need him. you used his diuretics notes in lecture, you almost aced it. now, your lab needs him.

"then, pizza is okay for you?" you whisoered from the other end.

mark secretly fist pump and grinned in triumph.

"yes."

you spayed air freshener in your living room and changed your shirt to another shirt? you only have tees just in different colors, you changed your short into black sweatpants. you made sure that your hair was far different from the hair he saw this morning. you already ordered the pizza.

the doorbell rang. your quickly opened the door for him. mark was standing, carrying his ipad and his other hand holding a two milk teas in a cup holder. he's wearing dark blue t-shirt and gray sweatpants. you smiled awkwardly and let him in. you scanned his body, looking for paper or at least a piece of paper but you didn't see any of it. mark was looking down at you, watching you observing him.

"where's your notes?" you curiously asked.

"here." he lifted his ipad. your jaw dropped.

"i thought you did not do digital notes?"

"i don't recalling telling you i didn't, i just said it was handwritten and when i saif that handwritten in my ipad." he reasoned. taht made you think later realizing that he was right and that made you dumb.

you sighed in defeat.

"by the way, bought you milk tea since you missed it yesterday." he said, you acually don't care if you missed it or not.

you walked towards the single couch and patted it.

"you can seat here." you said.

he quickly sat down and put the milk teas on top of your living room's table. he confusingly watched you when you sat on the long couch and it was the end of it. you were too far from him.

you noticed his sulking face.

"mr. mark lee, what's with your long face?" you chuckled teasingly.

"why are you too far from me?" he pouted.

"damage control." you replied shortly and get your case 3 notes which is very illegible to read. "can i borrow your case 3?"

"why? what did i do?" mark asked was clueless. he did not pay attention to your question

"mark, being alone with you is not healthy anymore." you directly answered him.

"orgasm is healthy, what do you mean?" mark didn't get your.

"mark, that's not what i mean. we're like horny teenagers doing unappropriate things."

"we're already passed in that phase in life, we're both adults." he rebutted.

you mentally face palmed yourself in frustration. why is he so smart and dumb at the same time.

"mark, that's not why i mean. we're being to touchy, every time we are left alone the next thing we knew we're touching each other. do you know how scary was that to me? it only happened twice but i am already longing for more! when i don't feel your touches i go craaazy! i even touched myself for freaking 2-" you froze when you realize what you were telling him you stared blankly at him.

on the other hand, mark was very pleased hearing you exploded from frustration as you became honest for the first time.

"you touched yourself? what 2?" he smirked and lifted his brows.

you cleared your throat.

"can i borrow your ipad? i need your case 3." you murmured and look anywhere but him your face heat up. you want to be swallowed by your favorite sofa.

"then get it."

you look at his ipad sitting on his manly wide spread apart thighs. your eyes stared at the mark that makes your knees weak and wet pussy. his fiery eyes looking directly toyou while he was sitting comfortably on the couch and arms are both in each side of the armrest.

"mark lee, i need it." you tried to use your stern voice but failed because your voice was too small.

"i told you, you can get it.. here." he glanced at his ipad.

you gulped and the living room's air became thick. your submissive self switched on and you just found yourself walking towards him. your hands felt cold as you reached for his ipad. when you lifted it, his bulge forming in his gray sweatpants made you almost drool. you were reminded how fucking hot it was.

you want to touch it and do anything you can possibly could but your single rational braincells keeping you in the light.

"you don't seem sure of what you really wanted to do." he snapped you from overthinking. "should i make you choices?"

"what?" you asked confusingly but your voice was shaking.

"you bring that ipad with you and go back to where you were sitting, or..." he looked up to you with his dark eyes, leaning a little forward you trace the side of your hips with his palm..

"put the ipad on the table and sit in my lap."

mark knew that you can never say no at this state. if you could only see how your body shivered and how defeated your face was, he knew you already gave in.

and his was right.

the original draft was deleted because of my stupidity 😭 idk think this is good as the original draft.

hello, some of you asked me if i have a tag list, i will be creating one.

✨if you want to be added in I'm Right For You Tag List, you can DM or Ask me so i can add you ✨

⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢

Tag List:

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anyways, i would like to say thank you for supporting this story. i did not expect some of you will like it. i also want to thanks people who leaving message through dms and ask praising this story. also to those nctzens hearting it 🥺🤗

[symbolicscreaming]

I have been watching a lot of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (the entire series in two weeks, and then going back for episode rewatches. I’m fine, don’t worry about me).

In the episode “The Gang Goes to Hell (Part 1)” Mac discovers the magic that is musical theater. I love musicals a lot, so naturally I created a playlist for Mac consisting entirely of show tunes, because I think I’m funny.

Musicals Are Going to Be a Huge Part of My Life Going Forward

(songs and explanations under the cut, because I can’t help myself)

Introduction

“Sit Down, You’re Rockin’ the Boat” - Guys and Dolls

For the devil will drag you under

With a soul so heavy you'd never float

Admittedly, the song used in the show. Also overtly christian. Just like Mac!

Part One: The Gang Does Musical Theater

Songs for the Gang in general

“Money Money” - Cabaret

Money, money, money, money, money, money, money

Get a little, get a little

Money, money, money, money

The gang knows what’s important in life. Not each other, fuck no. With enough money, they could buy new friends.

“Poison in My Pocket - Reprise” - A Gentleman’s Guide to Love and Murder

It seems that now at last the moment I've been waiting for is here

The Gang poisons people shockingly often.

“Everyone’s a Little Bit Racist” - Avenue Q

If we all could just admit

That we are racist a little bit

Even though we all know that it's wrong

Maybe it would help us get along

The Gang is actually incredibly racist. But they think they’re only a little racist.

“The Little Things You Do Together” - Company 

It's not talk of God and the decade ahead that

Allows you to get through the worst.

It's "I do" and "you don't" and "nobody said that"

And "who brought the subject up first?"

Ok, yes. This is a song about marriage. But the Gang’s relationship is as close as it is dysfunctional.

Interlude One: Mrs. Mac

“Proud of Your Boy” - Aladdin

Mom, I will try to

Try hard to make you

Proud of your boy

Mac loves his mom a lot and he’s gonna be the best for her

Part Two: Let’s Queer a Few Things Up

Mac and his relationship with women, men, and his own sexuality

“A Hymn to Him” - My Fair Lady

Why can't a woman take after a man?

Men are so pleasant, so easy to please;

Whenever you are with them, you're always at ease

Listen. Women are weird, and men are easier to be around. There’s nothing more to it.

“Better with a Man” - A Gentleman’s Guide to Love and Murder

When a man is lonely he can always find

Another man who's feeling just the same

Drink will help you get your troubles off your mind

You'll both be blind before you know his name

And in that rousing climax when your horse comes in

Who will cheer as loudly as he can?

What happens at the Rainbow stays at the Rainbow. Mac will not be taking questions at this time.

“If You Were Gay” - Avenue Q

So what should it

Matter to me

What you do in bed

With guys?

The Gang couldn’t give fewer fucks about if Mac’s gay or not. They’re supportive, in the most assholeish, disinterested way possible.

“Turn It Off” - Book of Mormon

Boys should be with girls

That's heavenly father's plan

So if you ever feel

You'd rather be with a man

Turn it off!

Repression is the name of the game, y’all! With bonus religion, too.

“I Am What I Am” - La Cage Aux Folles

There's one life and it's no return and no deposit

One life, so it's time to open up your closet

And then one day you decide to come out and stay out. Gay rich Mac, indeed.

“Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight)” - Mamma Mia!

Gimme, gimme, gimme a man after midnight

Take me through the darkness to the break of the day

Mac deserves to have a man after midnight. As a treat.

Interlude Two: Luther McDonald

“Not My Father’s Son” - Kinky Boots

It was never easy to be his type of man

To breathe freely was not in his plan

And the best part of me

Is what he wouldn't see

Mac loves his dad. But Mac isn’t the son he wanted.

Part Three: The Dennis of It All

A lot of songs about Dennis, because Mac has a lot of Thoughts about Dennis

“The Origin of Love” - Hedwig and the Angry Inch

You had a way so familiar

But I could not recognize

'cause you had blood in your face

And I had blood in my eyes

Mac has learned a lot about how love works. It's beautiful and sometimes kinda violent. And also codependent.

“Not While I’m Around” - Sweeney Todd

No one's gonna hurt you

No one's gonna dare

Others can desert you

Not to worry, whistle I'll be there

Mac is going to take care of Dennis, no matter what.

“I Don’t Know How to Love Him” - Jesus Christ Superstar

Should I bring him down

Should I scream and shout

Should I speak of love

Let my feelings out?

Ok, just because you love someone doesn’t mean you know how to show that love. With more bonus religion!

“Happy To Keep His Dinner Warm” - How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying

To be loved by a man I respect

To bask in the glow of his

Perfectly understandable neglect

Oh to belong in the aura of his frown

Dennis is terrible and selfish. Mac loves him even if Dennis ignores him. Though they should never go back to the suburbs.

“Why Stay? / A Promise” - Next to Normal

A promise, a man says forever

A man says I'll never regret or let you

The promise I made to stay and I stayed true

Sometimes people are shitty. Sometimes they have legitimate reasons to be shitty. Sometimes it’s questionable why anyone would want to stay with them. Sometimes you’re determined to stay with that person anyway.

“Something Wonderful” - The King and I

This is a man you'll forgive and forgive

And help protect, as long as you live

He will not always say

What you would have him say

But now and then he'll do

Something

Wonderful

Even terrible, selfish people can have moments of grace and kindness.

“Being Alive” - Company

Someone to need you too much

Someone to know you too well

Someone to pull you up short

To put you through hell

They know each other better than anyone. For better or for worse.

[faithfully-limping]

hello world

So, I figured I should make an intro post, and talk about why I’m here :)

I’m Ian or Casey, a Christian who also happens to be a pansexual trans man. I am a student earning my Associates in CIT, specifically Programming. I love hiking and nature, reading, art, and food. Like many, I was raised in a conservative fundamentalist evangelical Christian household and environment. My family is non-denominational and went to many, many different churches with different beliefs through the years.

As a result, despite having what I see as loving parents, I received a lot of unhealthy and confusing theology growing up that is hard to shake. The most notable of which, of course, is that queer people will all suffer in Hell for all of eternity.

I was a fundamentalist and a homophobe doing evangelicalism for the majority of my young life. I told people in McDonalds and other various public places that Jesus would save them at age ten. I was sheltered; I figured queer people were only a thing in dark corners and hidden, shady places full of depraved people and criminals. If they existed at all.

Then, more and more friends I couldn’t bear the thought of seeing as “evil” began to come out to me. I lost a loved one, and experienced the near-suicide of another loved one, right around the time I began to have feelings for my same-sex best friend. For two years I prayed for God to take those feelings away, and received what I thought was silence.

My conclusion?

There must be no loving, intelligent higher power. Surely they must have heard my desperate cries if they were there.

For years, then, all throughout high school and early college, I was in limbo and struggling. I had absolutely no direction in my life and very little love for myself or others. Sure, I discovered I was queer, and took on what I’m sure is a familiar attitude of pride- I was born this way and fuck anyone who says otherwise, you know? If I burn in some god’s underworld, fine, because it’s not like I can change who I am. I tried that. Later on, when I began to deal with the pain of rejection and queerphobia in more mature ways, I tried other beliefs, other religions, other practices. I love them all, and I believe they all have their parts to play in others’ lives, just as they did in mine, but I could not escape a different call.

I constantly worried about Hell, about life after death, and most compellingly, a higher purpose. I’d had a messy coming out to my family, a horrible relationship and breakup, pain was coming in at all sides. I had dropped out of college twice, lost a job, and ended up doing what I thought at the time was nothing. I now see it was recovery.

I felt pretty awful about myself, still living with my parents, bringing in very little money selling products online, finding very little joy in my day to day life. I’d once loved art, nature, animals, reading. I couldn’t muster up the energy to do those things anymore. I tried escaping through food, through Netflix, through gaming. I then tried self improvement, business, and art. I tried going back to school.

There was always something missing.

In fall of 2019, a family member lost a job, and decided to pursue some much-needed disability. Our household income, which was six figures, was halved. In an attempt to lower our rent and bills, we started looking for a house to buy and own. It sounded crazy, but for a month we searched and got no results. Nothing was in our price range and safe and big enough for a family of four.

One day, I witnessed my dad praying in his truck.

The very same day, we got our dream home (a fenced in yard, a fireplace, a quiet neighborhood), the house we are currently living in, for a price lower than what we expected to pay.

This event came off the back of several points of pain and stress in my life- facing the reality of death and worrying about that. Returning to school. Family health issues. Then, a miracle providing for us.

I couldn’t ignore God calling me any longer.

But, I was still queer. I’d already tried suppressing and ignoring that, I’d tried praying it away. I’d tried ignoring faith. I’d even tried integrating the two before, but got so hung up and distressed about the Side A vs Side B debate at the time, that I just couldn’t bear to face faith and sexuality together. I went back into limbo.

Why was this time different?

Maybe it was because that was when I discovered Queer Theology. It certainly was a big part of it. Maybe it was because a friend had bought me The Screwtape Letters just months before. Maybe it was because my brush with self improvement as the center of my life had taught me to weigh things more maturely, to stay emotionally centered, and to seek to be virtuous and contribute something to the world. Or maybe it was because I discovered Ask A Mortician that one day, or saw I Can Only Imagine in theaters with my family on the best vacation of my life a few years prior. Maybe it was the journaling Bible my mother gifted me as a surprise (a genuine surprise- I was a Pagan at the time) on my 21st Easter. Or, or, or...

Do you see what I’m getting at with that paragraph? Maybe it wasn’t just one thing. Maybe everything, everything in my life has connected in an intensely miraculous and complex way to lead me to that decision to ask God to come back into my life.

Everything. Every movie, book, video, game, person, bite of food, sight of nature... All of it shaped me into this person who is able to say today that I am queer, I am loved by God, and I love him back. I don’t have all the answers yet of what my life should look like, how I should live this love, but I want to build my relationship with my Lord. I have returned to prayer, I am learning to appreciate and embrace the depth and beauty of the Bible in new ways. I have been journaling, but I guess in typing all this out and posting it, I’m finally strong enough to seek out one of the pieces I am missing; community. Putting myself out there is terrifying, and I still have a lot of spiritual baggage to work through, but I’m here.

And I see now that God’s silence in response to my attempts to “pray the gay away” was an answer.

It was a “No.”

It was a “My grace, my mercy, my love is enough.”

It was a “Have faith in me.”

[chanbangblog]

ive only felt religion when ive lied with you- 7

A/N: (smut, Chan x reader, Canon compliant, fan/idol)

“They’re going to try to get you all out because it’s easiest to target both of you because you’re girls.” Chris said, letting you go from his hold.

“That’s okay, we can play dirty too,” You said back to him smiling. You looked over at Robyn and gave her wide eyes, she gave them back, acknowledging she was in on the game plan.

“Okay, our oldest member will start.” Chris said, still smirking. He then began speaking in Korean. Everyone held five fingers up, you assumed this meant you had five strikes and then you were out. You looked over at Woojin, who was eyeing you and Robyn. You suddenly remembered him being absolutely ruthless when it came to games on their variety and reality show. You always thought it was funny but now that you were about to be on the receiving end, you desperately wished the boy had some chill.

He spoke in Korean, which you didn’t understand. The boys around you erupted in laughter but none of them put fingers down. Chris turned to you and translated.

“He says never have I ever lived in the United States.” Chris laughed.

Shit.

You and Robyn laughed and looked at each other. You poured both of you a shot and counted down, taking it together. The liquor burned your throat and you tried not to make a face in disgust. Chris was laughing beside you and patted you on the back, looks like your poker face didn’t hold up. Everyone was still laughing. You looked over at Robyn, Jisung and Minho were watching her with sympathy as she choked on her shot. She never was much of a drinker.

 Now it was Chris’s turn to come up with something to say. He put his hand on his chin pretending to be thinking way harder than he was probably. You couldn’t help but internally swoon at the cute expression he was making. It was nice seeing this side of him, the playful leader and big brother to his younger members. It fit him well.

“Ah! I have it!” he then spoke a sentence in Korean and you mentally scolded yourself for the thousandth time for not knowing more Korean. He turned back to you and Robyn and said “Never have I ever smoked a cigarette!”

“Well that’s good for me!” you happily said, grinning at him. But then you became distracted by Minho pouring a shot and all the members shouting at him.

Minho took the shot expertly, barely changing his expression as Jisung patted him on the back. He looked proud and you couldn’t help but find it endearing. Now it was your turn and you intended fully to keep your promise about playing dirty against Woojin.

“Hmmmm…” you said, noticing how all the members were staring at you, waiting for you to speak so someone could translate. You were overcome by how odd this was. Weren’t you supposed to be the one staring at them? On a stage? Your thoughts started swirling again, you felt your cheeks go red under their stares and you suddenly couldn’t think of anything coherent to say.

“Aw, y/n, are you already getting drunk from one shot?” Chris questioned jokingly, while wrapping his arm around your shoulders and squeezing a couple times. This seemed to snap you out of your trance like state and a lightbulb went off in your brain.

“Never have I ever lived in Korea!” you exclaimed, taking a chance to look at Woojin who already seemed to understand as Chan translated, and winked. Woojin did an angry laugh as all the members who were drinking groaned while pouring their shots. Chris took his shot next to you, tilting his head back and taking it in one swallow.

When he brought his head back down he was smiling as a single drop of alcohol started to run out of the corner of his mouth and down his chin. You watched as it meandered down his skin, entranced, as you moved your hand up to wipe it away. Chris noticed your hand out of the corner of his eye and turned his head to lock eyes with you, his eyes slowly became serious as he read your expression and your thumb swiped over his soft skin. You stayed like this, staring at him and exchanging more than words could convey until Robyn coughed. You realized everyone was looking at you and Chris. Robyn thankfully started speaking to get their attention.

“Never have I ever performed on a stage!” Robyn said proudly, looking at you confidently. You reached for your glass, you had performed on stage before so this meant you were taking a shot with the rest of the boys.

“Robyn I was in drama club!” you whine, not that you were actually upset about taking a shot. Your poor nerves surely needed something to take the edge off. This shot went down easier than the first and you were hoping to god that you would begin to feel the effects soon.

Now it was Jisung’s turn and he looked very mischievous as he was shouting for everyone’s attention.

“Never have I ever eaten McDonald’s!” he said in English, then repeating it in Korean. Everyone was yelling at him in Korean and you couldn’t help but laugh at the outrage on their faces. Han Jisung had to be the only person you knew who hadn’t eaten McDonald’s.

Chris grabbed your glass and filled it for you before you could get to it.

“Do you want me to take the shot for you?” he asked sweetly, putting his hand on the small of your back. It was a nice gesture, but you needed the alcohol at the moment.

“No I’m really okay, I promise,” you said smiling, taking it from him. He just nodded and clinked his glass against yours before taking the shot. You both had had 3 shots at this point and you swore you started to feel a warm tingle settling in your body as soon as you took the third shot.

Minho was next. You looked around at the circle, Changbin was holding onto Felix’s arm and was very visibly feeling the effects of the alcohol. You made eye contact with him and started laughing. He seemed to notice and asked you what you were laughing at in English.

Everyone turned to look at you again.

Fuck.

You just started laughing more to and shrugged it off.

“Yeah she’s drunk” Felix announced before turning his attention to Minho.

Minho spoke in Korean but from Chris’s face you could tell he would have to drink.

“He said never have I ever thrown up from drinking. Do you have to drink?” he asked.

“Yes she does, I’ve held her hair back!” Robyn laughed, nudging your arm.

“Thanks Robyn!” you said, reminding yourself to hit her later for bringing up your most hungover moments to Chris.

“Are you sure you can take another y/n? I’ll drink for you.” Chris said again, seeming worried. Four shots weren’t going to hurt you. No way.

“Yeah I’m fine! I’m not a lightweight like Changbin!” you yelled, way louder than you intended. Felix and Seungmin overheard and Felix fell back laughing, holding his stomach. Seungmin translated for Changbin who started telling you off while laughing angrily.

“I am not! You are drunk!” Changbin exclaimed, shaking his fist in your direction. You laughed even harder at that, leaning into Chris and grabbing his arm, squeezing as your sides ached with laughter. He helped you sit upright again and handed you your shot. It went down even smoother.

Felix whispered something into Changbin’s ear, and Changbin smiled. You had completely forgotten it was his turn. You just knew it was going to be something targeting you after your little outburst.

“Never have I ever kissed Jisung!” Changbin said while he and Felix eyed Robyn.

Well shit, that was unexpected.

Robyn looked around at all of the eyes that were now on her, “What?” she shrugged, “I haven’t kissed him.”

But nothing could have prepared anyone for Minho grabbing his shot glass and a bottle of alcohol. Chris yelled to stop him, you assumed he was explaining that Changbin had said never have I ever kissed Jisung. But Minho just shook his head smiled before taking the shot.

The entire circle erupted in screaming. Seungmin was covering Jeongin’s ears. Felix and Changbin were no longer sitting up, their legs thrashing about in fits of laughter. Woojin and Hyunjin had both walked away laughing. Chris was staring with his eyes wide and mouth open, he appeared to be trying to make words. You hugged him and started laughing yourself.

Jisung looked over at Robyn who was laughing along with everyone else.

“Well we were drunk and it was just once and-“ Jisung mumbled before Robyn cut him off.

“I don’t care who you’ve kissed, remember what I told you?” Robyn said reassuringly grabbing his hand. Minho leaned over at this point, still smiling. Robyn gave him a high five and the three started laughing together. Jisung looked relieved.

“Chris, are you okay?” you asked once you had turned your attention away from the trio.

“Yeah just didn’t know about that” Chris chuckled, finally able to speak.

“Well you are the leader, I suspect there are a lot of things you don’t know.” You reminded him.

He agreed with you, looking thoroughly shook before yelling at everyone again in Korean. You assumed he was yelling at them to come back. You looked across at Felix, it was his turn now. Changbin sat next to him looking worse for the wear after this new information had been divulged combined with the shots he had taken.

“Well let’s try this again, never have I ever kissed Channie hyung.” He said confidently, looking at you. All eyes were on you again. If the members had any doubts about the nature of your and Chris’s relationship, you were about to clear them up. All of their eyes were on you, looking eager to see what the answer was. You then noticed you only had one finger left. Once you put it down, you would be the loser and end the game. You looked over at Chris, he was smiling and simply nodded once. You rolled your eyes and reached for the glass.

“Okay! I lose!” you said and Chris filled your shot glass. The circle exploded for the second time in a row and everyone began shouting things at Chris. He argued back with them and you looked at Jisung.

“What are they saying?” you asked, talking over Robyn.

“Um, I’m sorry but you don’t want to know y/n.” Jisung said, looking apologetic.

You buried your face in Robyn’s shoulder, groaning. The alcohol was really hitting you now. You could feel your mind swirling and your fingertips and chest tingled.

Chris came over to stand by you. You looked up at him and he turned his head to one side.

God why is everything this man does so fucking hot.

“Yes?” you asked, as he reached his hand down to help lift you up.

“Nothing just wanted to see if you’re okay” he asked for the ten millionth time that night.

“Yes Chris, I’m fine, don’t worry so much.” You said smiling, just wanting to enjoy the moment after all the embarrassment, “come on, let’s go look at the view” you said, leading him to the edge of the roof. You put your arms up on the ledge and rested your chin on them.

“This is so beautiful Chris, the city at night. Thank you so much for inviting me.” You said, truly taken aback by the city scape lit up at night.

“It’s no problem. I’m just glad you’re here. I’m glad I met you.” Chris said, also looking at the sight before the two of you.

You turned your head to look at him now. He had the most beautiful profile. His eyes, nose and lips each complimenting each other perfectly. You were too entranced by his form to speak back. You stayed like this for a moment until he looked at you.

You couldn’t help it, you leaned up and kissed him there. With anyone near to witness. Your lips brushed his and he quickly ran a hand down your arm. Your sunburn from standing in line at the Newark concert a day before combined with the tingling from the alcohol created the most delicious sensation that made your mouth practically water. You opened your mouth to deepen the kiss and Chris’s tongue found entrance. You wrapped your arms around his neck when you heard someone yelling at you. It was Jisung and Woojin. You realized you shouldn’t be doing this here, the alcohol had probably clouded both of your judgements.

Chris nodded at them and put his hands on your waist, twisting so your back was against the ledge and he was blocking your view of everyone else. He put his forehead to touch yours.

“I just can’t keep my hands off of you, what are you doing to me?” Chris said in a low, gruff voice.

“I’m wondering the same about you,” you practically whined back, “God I love it when you touch me.”

“Don’t talk like that when we’re in public, I won’t be able to stop myself” he growled, squeezing your hips so tight you thought it would leave bruises.

“We’re not in public” you observed.

“Yeah but I can’t let them see me like this,” Chris said back, “I’m supposed to set a good example for them, not ravage you up against this concrete wall.”

“Then don’t,” you said calmly, grabbing his hands to remove them from your hips. Turning around to face the city again, not wanting to look at anyone who had witnessed the incident.

“You’re prettier than the city,” you said, turning to him.

“I’m not pretty.” Chris grumbled.

“Yes you are.” You replied.

You stood there in silence for a little while. Becoming lost in your thoughts, the edges blurred by alcohol. He grabbed your hand after a while. Then you grabbed his arm and rested your head on his shoulder. Then he grabbed you by the waist and pulled you into a full embrace.

“Let’s go back to my room.” he whispered in your ear, giving you chills.

“Okay.” was all you said in reply.

You all walked towards the exit and you noticed how drunk everyone had gotten. Robyn was laying her head in Jisung’s lap, Changbin was being held up by a very tired looking Felix while talking animatedly  with far too many hand gestures to Woojin and Jeongin. Hyunjin, Seungmin and Minho were standing around Jisung, Minho was also looking pretty toasted, laughing and nearly losing his balance.

It was a nice scene, quaint almost. If you hadn’t known better you would’ve thought this was a group of friends having a night out during college. But that’s not what this was, this was them hiding on a rooftop in order to have any semblance of a night out. This was them hiding anyone who associates with them that wasn’t “them” lest the public rip them apart. The truth was, it was a fucked up scenario that had your head spinning as much as the alcohol. Your horror must’ve shown on your face because Chris tugged you along quicker as you entered the stairwell.

“What’s wrong baby girl?” he asked concerned, as you walked to the elevator.

“Nothing, it’s just, I think too much” you said, trying not to ruin the mood you two had going on the roof.

“Is it your anxiety?” he questioned. You momentarily wondered how he knew you had anxiety until you remembered pretty much spilling your entire soul to him in the early morning hours of the night before. The elevator arrived and you two stepped on.

“Maybe a little, but I’m okay.” You said, moving to hug him again, the buzz you had going making you feel even more clingy.

But he quickly jerked himself away. “No y/n, there could be cameras in here.” He said, looking at the ceiling almost panicked.

You immediately felt rejection. A small voice of reason told you it wasn’t his fault, it was burned in his brain to avoid being seen with anyone that could cause a scandal. But at the moment all you could feel was hurt, and you lashed out.

“Oh right, sorry I can’t touch the precious Bang Chan! I’m not worthy!” you said sourly. Chris snapped out of his panic and he too looked hurt.

“Don’t say that. Why are you saying that?” he asked.

“Because I’m clearly an annoyance to you!” you snapped. You didn’t know where you were going at this point, mind foggy.

“It’s not you y/n! It’s just the way things are!” he attempted to reason but you stormed out of the elevator when the doors open. You started walking when you realized you didn’t know where you were going.

Chris grabbed your arm and pulled you toward a room. He unlocked the door and you huffed past him. “Should we have entered separately? Aren’t you scared? That you’ll be seen with scum?”

You were walking toward the bed when you felt him grab you and spin you around, shoving you backwards and attaching his lips to yours as your bodies crashed on the bed. The action had your adrenaline pumping in no time and arousal stirred in your core as you felt his weight on you. You bucked your hips up and moaned as he licked into your mouth. He moved his lips to your neck as you tangled your fingers in his hair.

He was in the middle of planting sloppy kisses on your neck when he spoke.

“Don’t say that shit about yourself.” He growled in between kisses. “That’s not what you are.”

“Then what am I to you?” you asked. Regretting it the moment it left your mouth. You had known him for slightly more than 24 hours and you were already trying to have the “what are we?” talk. You were about to correct yourself when he spoke.

“A breath of fresh air.” He said.

You shuttered at his words.

[the-gal-in-the-greenblue-armor]

So apparently it’s Shaman King’s 20th anniversary. Which means I’ve been thinking about the series for several days and need to type out my thoughts about it otherwise I’m going to be stuck in this brain hole for the next 2 weeks until another series briefly distracts me.

I’m going to throw this under a “read more” and be warned that I may touch on some mild to slightly spicy spoilers.

I just want to start this short essay off by stating that Shaman King is one of my all time favourite manga series. It was one of the first 4kids anime I watched on Saturday mornings when I was like...8 and was the second manga series I rediscovered when I was 13 (the first was One Piece) and the first series I finished (sort off since the series has 2 endings but I’ll cover that later). It’s one of the few manga series where I periodically reread from start to finish every few years and whenever I finish reading it think “Man, I love this”. 

Is the series perfect? No, there are some obvious flaws in the mangaka’s design of one of the main characters (who’s African-American) and the Patch Tribe (a fictional North American Indigenous Tribe that’s hella VITAL to the plot). The characters themselves are good multi-dimensional beings, but how they’re drawn would definitely not have flown had the series been released in modern day. 

However, the series has a lot going for it in terms of its characters and the reoccurring themes in the narrative. So let’s dive in shall we?

The Main Characters:

1. Asakura Yoh is the main protagonist of the series. Like many shounen protagonists, his dream is to essentially become the greatest “x” ever. In this series that title is the “Shaman King”, who is basically a god-like figure who has beaten all the other “world’s greatest” shamans in this massive tournament that takes place once every 500 years. However, our boy Yoh deviates from other shounen protagonists because his initial motivation is that he’s lazy and figures out that if he becomes the Shaman King, he won’t have to work and can just “chill out” for the rest of his life. His later motivation comes into play when he sees all the crazy folks fighting in the tournament and thinks “yikes, probably shouldn’t let these people be given this ultimate cosmic power”. 

What’s most interesting about this protagonist is while he is undoubtedly a “good” person, he seems to fall under the category of “neutral”. Despite his grand ambition, he wouldn’t be considered an “ambitious” person. Heck, when he meets someone that has a better reason for becoming the Shaman King he almost quits on the spot. He’s content to just go with the flow and see where it spits him out in life. Practically nothing fazes him and his easy-going nature unnerves his uptight allies and foes. However his greatest strength is his single core belief that “anyone who can see spirits can’t be all bad” and that philosophy allows him to befriend pretty much every character in the series, “good” and “bad”.

2. Kyoyama Anna is Yoh’s fiance and one of my all time favourite female characters. She would sell you for a corn chip and stab you without warning. She’s tough and straightforward and terrifies every character who meets her. Yoh promised her that if he becomes Shaman King she’ll be taken care of for the rest of her life and dammit she’s wants that good life. So she acts like his coach and puts him through her “torture training” because if it were up to him he would nap all day. Despite her clear personality differences with Yoh, they genuinely love each other and trust and respect each other. There’s no drama between them and I live for that good relationship goals.

(Note, the next few characters are going to have shorter descriptions because spoilers and I can’t NOT talk about them because I love them) 

3. Oyamada Manta is Yoh’s best friend. He can see spirits but isn’t a Shaman. He’s a nerd that freaks out pretty easily but as he becomes closer with Yoh, he becomes braver. He’s kind of used for exposition since he’s not from a shaman family or background. Probably cannot legally say fuck.

4. Tao Ren: antagonist turned protagonist. Goes through some incredible character development and redemption without completely compromising the core of his character. Acts somewhat as Yoh’s rival. Arrogant and hot-headed with a snarky attitude. Would order a single black coffee with a car full of kids at a McDonald’s drive through.

5. Horohoro Usui: lovable idiot but also hecking strong and goes from 0 to 100 real quick if you fuck with him. From the Ainu tribe (Northern Japanese Indigenous Tribe). Loves nature and snowboarding. 

6. Lyserg Diethel: a relatively level-headed British boy who is out for revenge against the guy who killed his parents. Definitely a “looks like a cinnamon bun but will actually kill you”. Has a conflicting friendship with Yoh as their personal philosophies don’t match up at all. 

7. Chocolove McDonald: an African American shaman. As previously stated, his character design didn’t really age well. The mangaka drew him with big lips and a big nose. In the North American manga, he’s somewhat censored (they downplayed the lip thing but erasing the lines between his lips and the rest of his face. Looks a little bit better but still a bit yikes). Initially introduced as a comic relief character but once you get into his backstory and as the story progresses, he’s a pretty grounded character who’s just trying to make up for the awful stuff he’s done. Out of the 5 main male characters, he’s formally stated to be the strongest and most well-balanced out of all of them. He’s a character that I love more with every reread.

Main antagonists:

Hao: Introduced once the Shaman Fight starts. A bit sadistic and playful. Has reincarnated himself twice trying to become the Shaman King. Has killed tons of characters without remorse. Doesn’t really care about anyone and wants to kill off humanity because he hates humans. 

The X-Laws: an extremist group formed with the sole goal of taking down Hao. To them, justice is absolute. They don’t believe in second chances or redemption. Their goal is for their leader to become Shaman King, kill Hao, and purge the world of “evil”. The main protagonists don’t like this group AT ALL.

Reoccurring themes:

Consequences: One of my favourite things about this manga is that every action has a consequence and no character is safe. Character was redeemed? Too bad, their past is coming for them and doesn’t care that they’re a good guy now. Got revenge on another group? Well that other group is coming for you to get revenge for your revenge. As Yoh states: Violence only brings about more violence. 

Forgiveness: this series is big on characters learning to forgive themselves for what they’ve done or forgiving others for not living up to their expectations. Forgiveness plays a large role in almost every character’s development. 

Mortality: In a series about ghosts and death, this theme was inevitable. What is interesting is that at the end game of the series, the main characters mourn the fact that they’ve become desensitized to the casual violence of their new lives and that they can continue to fight even after watching their friend be brutally murdered in front of them without pausing to take it in. 

Other cool things:

Shaman King has two endings: the original ending and the true ending. The original ending is a cliffhanger for when the magazine that was publishing it went under and the mangaka had to quickly wrap up the series because he wasn’t sure if he’d get the chance to actually finish it. The true ending was when another publishing company picked up the series a few years later, which allowed the creator to publish the last 15-ish chapters and write the intended ending he’d been working on.

There are 2 versions of the series: the original and the redraw. The original version treats readers to the manga’s visual transformation from beginning to end. The style of chapter 1 is drastically different from that of the last chapter. This is the version you’d find in the North America releases. The second version is the redraw. The mangaka redrew the entire series in his polished art style from start to finish, to my knowledge little was changed plot wise.

This essay kind of went a bit all over the place but the bottom line is that I love this series. I love its weird integration of philosophy and religion from around the world. I love it’s visual transformation. I love that the characters are flawed and can’t be truly placed in the traditional shounen character tropes. I love that the female characters aren’t over-sexualized. I love that the series blurs the line between what’s good and bad. And I love how the plot unfolds and keeps me coming back to reread it and fall in love all over again.

I love Shaman King.

[jdmainman123]

#Report I called what was happening here you guys should protecting the antecision black skin face outside Antecedent black skin face outside TELLING ME YOU WERE KILLING PEOPLE WHO WERE THINKING FREELY NEAR ME WITH THAT TWO-WAY COLLAR TO INTEGRATION BOX

And we believe the misstatement goes into Jason airplane was an accident cuz you didn't have a beach AND WOULD HAVE FALLEN THROUGH THE ROOF OF THE AIRPORT AND ANY OF THESE CITIES? But since so the blacks can go ahead and kill little black skin boys and make jokes and comedy out of it

And the only comedy and joke here is you guys took away you guys are taking away our natural ability or natural statements? Murder is legal

You guys took away all my answers on the satellite? Every time I'm going to answer it's why I continue the ask because I know the answer? It's because I know the answer is not because I want to answer it I CALLED IT

You took away all our common Sense answers you forces to speak to fail baby killer f****** dead daughter language? And you keep on apologizing with a wrong phrase I guess it's just the most annoying sound we can hear? That fits that f****** annoying voice on the satellite? I f***** up the game

But when is it said and done your satellite is lying you guys are going to be charged with data breach and leaking classified information RED FLAG RED FLAG CITY

We thought the misstatement was gay son then we narrowed it down to a pile of s*** making fun of a little black boy named jason? But we have no other way to believe and tell you God failed Jesus failed the religion failed? AND FOR YOU GUYS TO CONTINUE THIS CHURCH THAT WAS SET ON FIRE BUT NEVER FIXED TO HAVE PEOPLE GATHER INSIDE A BUILDING WITH A HOLE ON THE ROOF OR IN THE ROOF and force your beliefs on to us?

#Report when we talk about the fantasy of power and a dream of power we are forced to believe what is it a black skin God on the other side of the world and the whites can God on this side of the world? THE FANTASY OF GIVING JOBS THE BLACK PEOPLE THE DREAMS OF GIVING JOBS THE BLACK PEOPLE

You cannot feed your own people

I called it again

#Report and because Jason fell through the religion broke up the one family of God was divided we are going to ask that you don't talk about a daughter or a family and the rest of the world whether it be the high at family the Trump family the McDonald's family the Walmart family? Because it seems like your family of God was divided due to a failed system AND WE HAVE NO OTHER WAY OF SAYING THIS IF THEY'RE TALKING JOKES ABOUT A DEAD BODY AND IT'S FUNNY YOU CAN'T PUNISH THEM FOR IT YOU CAN'T KILL THEM FOR IT? BECAUSE IT'S A TRUE ACCIDENT AND A MISTAKE FOR YOU GUYS TO CONTINUE THESE BEHAVIORS AND EXPECT PEOPLE NOT TO FIND A DOLLAR $1 FROM GETTING ATTENTION FROM MAKING THESE JOKES?

Oh now I get it they said the family was divided the whole world family the American family was divided that's not true only this f****** failed religion of God and it seems to have been written in a form of a joke now that we're going through it? THERE'S TOO MANY STATEMENTS THAT LEAVE ON THE TOP OF YOUR CAUSE HERE GOD from my understanding is what murder is legal but the intentions which only kill your little boy and little girl and get away with it

You know God is a baby killer God is a failed baby killer at this point? And that seems to be all the religion was just a lawyer just in case security little boy or kill your little girl to get you out of jail FORT WORTH DALLAS CALLED IT

[contentwithit]

Day drinking and Once a year Religious deal, and more chats.

I had a good time at the bday party this morning/afternoon, we ate cake and hotdogs then I helped pack up and then I went to the bathroom and proceeded to throw up and feel awful, so naturally after I went to the bar and drank gin and tonic and visited with my bartender friend since she was sitting alone tending an empty bar so we chatted and it was just a fun way to spend the afternoon, I go to the bar for chats more than drinks, and I had about 5 or so gin and tonics which helped my stomach feel better, then I grabbed mcdonalds on the drive home :) I love mcdonalds after day drinking and had a nap before the religious deal I went to.

Every year I go to the observance of Christ death, mostly to pacify my parents, I really don’t enjoy religion. I find belief in a higher power exhausting, I have a lot of hate and anger, not really at “God” but just inside me, I find myself sitting there listening to the talk as a rage builds within me. I think I’m mad at life, and religion brings it out.

I also chatted a bit with my lady, she’s having a rough day, but didn’t really talk about it, I asked if she wanted to talk about it, she didn’t say anything, so didn’t press, nobody likes that. I feel like I shouldn’t talk to her almost, but I think if I just show her that I care it’s important, even though she’s not very chatty she has been responding so maybe it’s ok, but I don’t want to message too much, I keep leaving her alone then texting her anyway. I worry I’m obsessed, but I know if she told me to go away I’d just go away, I wouldn’t be a creep or anything. 

I’ve always worried when I talk to ladies they’ll think I’m a creep, I’m usually scared to make the first move for a hug, even with old friends. I just like to be friendly, and I love hugs but I just worry because so many guys are so forward and gross and can’t take no for an answer that I’ll be labelled as one of them, and I really, really hate that.

[not-your-charity-case]

IM HAVING A CRISIS

My horoscope today said I’m ready to handle ‘big feelings’ and I’M NOT READY

So long story short I’ve been dating this amazing guy for almost a month and I’ve never fallen for anyone this hard or fast before but I’M FALLING FOR HIM LIKE A DUMBASS AND I’VE ALMOST SAID THE L WORD MULTIPLE TIMES BECAUSE I’M AN IDIOT AND CAN’T CONTROL MYSELF WHEN I’M AROUND HIM

He’s 23 almost 24, I’m 18 almost 19 and fucking hell he’s so sweet, we talk every day and Tuesdays are unofficially ‘our day’ to hang out and we talk all the time and video chat almost every night and yeah it’s probably just major infatuation because he’s one of the only guys who’s ever treated me like I deserve but dear god is he everything I’ve ever hoped for and more, he’s so kind and respectful and funny and actually cares and wants to hear about my life and hobbies and religion and I want to hear about his all day every day. He actually enjoys going on nature walks with me and catching fireflies and is helping me plant my fairy garden, he even listens to my mom’s (annoying and boring) college days stories (you know the kind, she’s told them a billion times and thinks they never get old).

Call me dumb or naive but I honestly think he might be the one, I’m done with just messing around and dating someone just to be with someone. I want something real and I think I finally found it with him, I don’t want to date anymore I want to be serious and maybe he’s the one to be serious with...

H E L P. M E.

7/7/20 UPDATE

He’s coming over rn and stopped to get breakfast and knows the only thing I like from mcdonalds breakfast is the hash browns i s2g this man is gonna kill me omg he’s way too good to me

7/16/20 UPDATE

SO ON THE 14TH I WAS OVER HIS HOUSE AND WE WERE CUDDLING AND I HID UNDER THE BLANKETS AND HE WENT UNDER THE BLANKETS AND ASKED ME WHAT WAS WRONG AND I TOLD HIM I WAS HIGHKEY FALLING IN LOVE WITH HIM AND HE TOLD ME HE WAS FALLING IN LOVE WITH ME TOO

I don’t think it’s 100% love yet bc it’s literally our 1 month anniversary today and it could just be infatuation or whatever (which I told him) but theres bIG FEELINGS FOR HIM IN MY BRAIN THAT WONT GO AWAY NO MATTER HOW MUCH I TRY TO RATIONALIZE IT FBSKHDKEBDKD

[jqperi]

Get to Know Admin Coco

1. What’s your middle name? Orion

2. What are you listening to right now? Admin Izzy’s smacking (shes eating) && Come To Mama - Lady Gaga

3. What was the last thing you ate? McDonald’s

4. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? My boyfriend

5. Do you drink? Socially  

6. Do you smoke? No 

7. What is the first thing you noticed in someone? Their attitude

8. What is your hair color? Light brown tips and my natural dirty brown. (I need a hair cut)

9. What is your eye color? Brown

10. Do you wear contacts/glasses? Glasses

11. Dogs or cats? BOTH!!

12. What’s your favorite animal? I love all living things, call me Rose Quarts… except bugs… fuck those guys lol

13. What’s your favorite television show? STEVEN UNIVERSE!!

14. What’s your favorite movie? Moana!

15. What’s your favorite band/singer? Well… BTS and Hoseok, They are the first group I actually fan over!

16. How old are you? 20

17. Do you have a crush on anyone? Yes~! My lovely boyfriend

18. What’s your sexual orientation? Straight

19. What’s your favorite color? Red

20. What was your most embarrassing moment? When i lost my virginity to  sophomore… uuuuugh

21. Do you ever wish you were someone else? No

22. What were you like when you were a kid? A cute lonely little turtle with a big imagination (Only child)

23. What would your dream house be like? Something that i worked hard for

24. What last made you laugh? Admin Izzy xD

25. What is your favorite word? Fucking bitch 😂😂)

26. What is your least favorite word? Moist!!! ugh!!

27. What turns you on? Neck kisses, deep voices, being in control and praising…. 

28. What turns you off? BEING SELFISH

29. What is your star sign? LEO!! 

30. What are your favorite books? Fanfiction, I don’t read books…

31. Do you have any siblings? I have a 5 year old little sister

32. Do you like to dance? I like to jump around.

33. What is your definition of cheating? Having relations with someone else behind your s/o back physically and emotionally…

34. Have you ever cheated on someone? Yes… in middle school for like two days, I FELT AWFUL!

35. Do you regret anything? Being to trusting…

36. Do you have any phobias? EVERYTHING THAT ISN’T NATURAL

37. Ever broken any bones? NOPE

38. Ever come close to death? I would hope not

39. What is your religion, if any? Christian, but not like hardcore lol

40. Have you ever been to a psychiatrist/therapist? No

41. Are looks important in a relationship? No, as long as that person makes you happy and smile it shouldn’t matter what you/they look like.

42. Are you more like your mom or your dad? Both, I get my sass, temper and attitude from my dad and laziness and patients from my mom

43. What is your favorite season? Winter because all of the clothes are cute.

44. Do you have any tattoos? YES! Just one. It says Worth It because I life is always worth it

45. Do you have any piercings? YES! 

46. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had? 9 Boyfriends and 1 girlfriend.

47. Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character? YES! Beast Boy from Teen Titans, don’t judge

48. Who is your celebrity crush? Hugh Jackman(lol), Jung Hoseok, And Park Jimin

49. Are you a virgin? Hell No

50. Do you get jealous easily? Yes but you won’t know unless I tell you lol

51. What is your favorite type of food? PASTA

52. Do you ever want to get married? Hopefully

53. Who was your first kiss with?His name was Tyler and it was in middle school at the our town fair.

54. Have you ever been cheated on? OOOOH Boy, remember that guy Tyler that I just told you about lol

55. What is your idea of the perfect date? We are both happy

56. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Is both a thing?

57. Do you believe in aliens or life on other planets? I believe SOMETHING is out there and that there may be life on another planet…

58. What talent do you wish you’d been born with? I wish i could sing a

59. What is your saddest memory? When my mom thought something was wrong with her pregnancy and lost the baby, and was cradling my little sister’s little monkey. BUT MY SISTER IS HERE AND HEALTHY! That little monster.  

60. Do you believe in love at first sight? No

61. Do you believe in soul mates? MMM yes?

62. Have you ever dyed your hair? It’s dyed right now!

63. Has someone ever spread a nasty rumor about you? Not that i know of.

64. Would you go against your moral code for money? No! 

65. What are three things most people don’t know about you? 

66. Who are you jealous of? No one

67. Do you sleep with a stuffed toy? No

68. How long was your longest relationship? Remember that Tyler guy, we dated on and off for 4 years

69. Is the glass half empty or half full? I probably spilt it xD 

70. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you? Go slow and take time for the build up.

71. Who is your most loyal friend?My boyfriend, admin izzy, and admin Nicole

72. Are you in a relationship? YES! 

73. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her? He’s an idiot, in the cute way. Jordan is himself and i love him for that.

74. Are you a bad person? No! I’m a good noodle

75. Are you a lover or a fighter? Lover, fuck fighting lol

76. What did you do on your last birthday? Family came to the house and we had Pizza and cake.

77. What is your favorite quote and why? Be still and know that I am God, because it is my late grandmother’s favorite verse in the bible. God is in charge and this life is a test, no matter how cruel. 

78. If your best friend died, what would you do? Obviously i’ll be sad! 

79. If you had to go back in time and change one thing, what would it be? Nothing because those mistakes helped me become the girl i am today.

80. If you only had 24 hours to live, what would you do? Hunt don Rebecca Suger and BTS 

81. What is the strangest dream you’ve ever had? I was choking an old woman…. DON’T ASK ME WHY

82. Are you happier single or in a relationship? Relationship, i have someone that i can tell all of my secrets to.

83. Who were you in a past life? A squirrel.

84. What is your happiest childhood memory? Going to see Chris Brown, Bow Wow and Soulja Boy

85. Have you ever experienced unrequited love? Uuuugh so many times! It’s sad lol.

86. Have you ever had an imaginary friend? Yes, his name was Andrew

87. If you were the president, what would you do? No become president because i ain’t finna get blames for the failure of our country.

88. What is your ideal career? Something that makes me happy.

89. What is your political affiliation? Democrat according to my parents…

90. Are you conservative or liberal? Libreral

91. Is the male or female body closest to perfection? Both, are bodies our made to create. But humans are bitches lol, we can’t survive in the wild for shit!! 

92. Do you like kissing in public? Pecks are fine, but making out gross. Save that for the bedroom.

93. If you could change one thing in the world, what would you change? The dying planet, we are killing Her.

94. Where would you like to live? Stable and on my own.

95. Where would you go on your dream vacation? Traveling the world, SAFELY 

96. Describe yourself in one word. Unique

97. Describe yourself in one sentence. I’m loyal until you give me a reason to not trust you.

~Admin Coco

[clouds-of-wings]

tagged by @innocent-bullet

CHOOSE ONE! Then tag 10 of your followers!

Tagging @tardigradedeathposture @foxgallagher @mischievingmagpie @belovefreeindeed (why are so many people untaggable?) @karstaag-rebornand everyone else who wants to do it

1: hugs or kisses?

hugs

2: night or day?

night

3: internet or tv?

internet

4: sweet or sour?

both together

5: red, white or blue?

red

6: 1800s or 1900s?

Early 1800s or late 1900s, plz nothing inbetween D:

7: space or the ocean?

isn’t that the same thing?

8: ice-cream or frozen yogurt?

ice cream

9: reading or writing?

writing

10: raining or sunny?

doesn’t matter as long as there’s wind

11: winter or summer?

winter

12: spring or autumn/fall?

autumn

13: too cold or too warm?

too cold

14: elevators or escalators?

escalators

15: apples or oranges?

oranges

16: fire or ice?

fire

17: plane crash or car crash?

uh, how about neither??? weirdo

18: planes or boats?

boats

19: the sea or a pool?

the sea

20: singing or dancing?

dancing is slightly less embarrassing for me

21: long hair or short hair?

long hair

22: january or december?

december

23: your first child - boy or girl?

doesn’t matter as long as it’s a dog instead

24: chocolate sauce or strawberry sauce?

chocolate sauce

25: coffee or tea?

tea

26: in your coffee/tea - sugar or no sugar?

no sugar

27: gif or jif?

I will Gif God and Go backwards into Gell

28: science or religion?

ok let me tell you a thing *2000 word rant*

29: tornado or hurricane?

there’s a difference?

30: black or white?

this is a trick question, isn’t it? òó

31: laptop or desktop?

I’m gonna say laptop because my tower is some 200km away and can’t fight me

32: cat or dog?

dog, but really both

33: chicken or turkey?

chicken

34: shower or bath?

shower

35: disneyland or universal studios?

neither lol

36: potatoes - mashed or baked?

both

37: eggs - fried, boiled, scrambled or poached?

give me ALL THE EGGS

38: cake or pie?

both?? lol what are these questions

39: ben & jerry’s or häagen-dazs?

I have no idea. Mövenpick lol

40: christmas or halloween?

Christmas

41: books or magazines?

books

42: inside or outside?

Is this a sex question? òó

43: movies or tv shows?

tv shows 100%

44: mcdonald’s or burger king?

burger king but I’ve only been at McD once when I was like 15

45: the past or the future?

Cages of fear that our future holds nothing but our dismal past with a vengeance... of course, duh!

46: superpowers - fly or read minds?

Fly. Listening to people talk is bad enough. Present company excluded of course

47: piercings or tattoos?

Depends

48: end of the world - zombie apocalypse or world war 3?

One is more likely than the other

49: starbucks or subway?

Both are vastly overpriced and not that good imo

50: love or lust?

love

51: kitten, puppy or micropig?

puppy

52: if you could, which would you stop - 9/11 or the holocaust?

Holocaust killed almost 4000x as many people and we don’t even seem to have learned from it, so that.

53: mermaids/mermen or unicorns?

mermaids/merman

54: america or britain?

uh... America probably tbh

55: dumbledore or gandalf?

Gandalf

56: ninjas or pirates?

Ninjas

57: firefox, safari or chrome?

Firefox

58: marvel or dc?

marvel

59: pepsi or coke?

coke

60: circus or amusement park?

amusement park

61: ebook or physical book?

physical book

62: greek or roman?

No preference really

63: thor or loki?

Loki of course

64: sam or dean winchester?

no opinion sorry

65: stefan or damon salvatore?

They’re the guys who wrote Illuminati, right?

66: brown or white bread?

I will have my German citizenship stripped from me if I don’t say brown

67: sunrise or sunset?

sunset

68: drought or flood?

flood

69: train or bus?

train

70: kids or pets?

pets

71: poetry or song lyrics?

There’s more difference within than between these categories

72: horror movie or chick flick?

horror movie

73: play video games on - pc or console (xbox/playstation)?

master race

74: cookies or donuts?

cookies

75: saturday or sunday?

saturday

76: lord of the rings or harry potter?

lord of the rings

77: bands or solo artists?

bands

78: art or music?

music

79: get lost in - london or paris?

Paris. Preferably the catacombs

80: new year’s eve or christmas eve?

christmas eve by 5934058034 miles

81: museums or nature parks?

nature parks

82: lightning or thunder?

It’s only a party with both

83: lions, tigers or bears?

All three, and with grenade launchers!

84: popcorn or candy floss/cotton candy?

popcorn

85: be stuck in a room with - clowns or insects?

Insects <3

86: soup or salad?

Soup

87: asks or fanmail?

asks

88: scottish accent or irish accent?

scottish? Yeah Scottish

89: ‘friends’ or ‘the big bang theory’?

the big bang theory. Especially before they ran out of ideas

90: ‘supernatural’ or ‘the vampire diaries’?

neither for me

91: ‘the simpsons’ or ‘family guy’?

Simpsons

92: toothache or earache?

One usually causes the other, but both are better than nothing!

93: ‘x-men’ or 'guardians of the galaxy’?

guardians

94: be stranded in antarctica or the sahara desert?

antarctica

95: penguins or polar bears?

polar bears

96: 'frozen’ or 'tangled’?

Haven’t watched Tangled, so Frozen

97: snowmen or icebergs?

Icebergs

98: handwritten letter or email?

handwritten

99: apple or android?

My cool flip phone from 2012

100: the end or the beginning?

Uhhh... how bout a nice cirle?

[jo-the-schmo]

Doing it

I'm following @whatinfreenation 's example and do all dem questions (no one cared or asked for this but imma hit you) 200: My crush’s name is: I'm lonely and scared of relationships 
199: I was born in: Dayton, Ohio (Fuck me)
198: I am really: chronically depressed and anxious 
197: My cellphone company is: AT&T
196: My eye color is: blue-gray
195: My shoe size is: Women's 5
194: My ring size is: idk people just give me them
193: My height is: 5'2 (I'm smol)
192: I am allergic to: people 
191: My 1st car was: I choose not to drive 
190: My 1st job was: babysitting except I get no money 
189: Last book you read: In Cold Blood
188: My bed is: covered in clothes
187: My pet: is many, I have many pets
186: My best friend: is a little shit
185: My favorite shampoo is: MOTHERFUCKING DOVE ORANGE BLOSSOM YAS BITCH
184: Xbox or ps3: I have an Xbox but I prefer PlayStation 
183: Piggy banks are: Cute
182: In my pockets: I'm wearing exercise pants 
181: On my calendar: I don't have one but if I did it would be empty 
180: Marriage is: Scary
179: Spongebob can: love forever
178: My mom: is a bitch (yell at me if you want)
177: The last three songs I bought were?: I use Spotify
176: Last YouTube video watched: Game Grumps play Breath of the Wild episode 33
175: How many cousins do you have?: I'm Italian I have no fucking clue, too many
174: Do you have any siblings?: Yes, I am the youngest of 5 girls
173: Are your parents divorced?: never married, I was born out of wedlock (how scandalous)
172: Are you taller than your mom?: the same height, we all short
171: Do you play an instrument?: yes! I play several!
170: What did you do yesterday?: Cried myself to sleep [ I Believe In ]
169: Love at first sight: Fuck no
168: Luck: eh
167: Fate: not really 
166: Yourself: Definitely not
165: Aliens: I mean probably 
164: Heaven: Nooo
163: Hell: I wish
162: God: I don't have religion 
161: Horoscopes: I think they're neat
160: Soul mates: Kinda?
159: Ghosts: yeah, I believe in ghosts for a lot of reasons 
158: Gay Marriage:OMFG YES I AM SO GAY AND SJEKDJEJSKKS
157: War:Is horrible, why do we have to be like this?
156: Orbs: what?
155: Magic: I wish! [ This or That ]
154: Hugs or Kisses: Hugs, last time I was kissed...it wasn't great for me
153: Drunk or High: 420!!!!
152: Phone or Online: Online
151: Red heads or Black haired: All hair, no hair, all the same for me
150: Blondes or Brunettes: whatever you want boo boo
149: Hot or cold: hot
148: Summer or winter: Summer
147: Autumn or Spring: SPRING
146: Chocolate or vanilla: Vanilla usually but chocolate is really nice 
145: Night or Day: Night
144: Oranges or Apples: Apples
143: Curly or Straight hair: I love curly hair!
142: McDonalds or Burger King: I'm trash and hungry 
141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: I just like milk in general
140: Mac or PC: ehhhhh
139: Flip flops or high heals: Heels, I like to kick people with them on
138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: I'm ugly and poor
137: Coke or Pepsi: Coke 
136: Hillary or Obama: Obama is a G
135: Burried or cremated: Idk yet 
134: Singing or Dancing: Fuck you
133: Coach or Chanel: I'm poor
132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: idek
131: Small town or Big city: Big City
130: Wal-Mart or Target: I go to Walmart but I wish it was Target
129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: who cares?
128: Manicure or Pedicure: I need short nails
127: East Coast or West Coast: MOTHERFUCKING WEST BITCJ
126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Christmas, I hate my birthday 
125: Chocolate or Flowers: Chocolate 
124: Disney or Six Flags: Disney!
123: Yankees or Red Sox: I don't do sportsball [ Here’s What I Think About ]
122: War: again, is fucking terrible
121: George Bush: Obama was cool so idec
120: Gay Marriage: IS JUST AS VALID AS STRAIGHT MARRIAGE OR MARRIAGE BETWEEN PEOPLE OF OPPOSITE SEX
119: The presidential election: was a train wreck, we should've felt the burn
118: Abortion: Needs to be legal in all states, by making it illegal we are putting more people at risk of harm 
117: MySpace: 3 old 5 me kinda
116: Reality TV: Do whatever you want TV I'm not your mama
115: Parents: my dad is cool, my mom is crazy, step mom is chill, step dad can go FUCKING DIE
114: Back stabbers: need to cease from stabbing 
113: Ebay: gets rid of my dad's crap
112: Facebook: ok I guess 
111: Work: I just wanna help people
110: My Neighbors: I don't know them
109: Gas Prices:I don't drive 
108: Designer Clothes: eh whatever
107: College: I want to go but I'm really dumb and not good at anything
106: Sports: Color Guard is my favorite sport
105: My family: is oddly chill for Roman Catholics 
104: The future: A thing I try to hope will be better [ Last time I ]
103: Hugged someone: a few days ago, I was sad
102: Last time you ate: I am eating right now
101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: today, I'm visiting my mom and 2 of my sisters
100: Cried in front of someone: A couple months ago, I don't like people seeing me cry...
99: Went to a movie theater: like 2 months ago
98: Took a vacation: 5 years ago
97: Swam in a pool: last summer
96: Changed a diaper: I help my sister babysit 
95: Got my nails done: never
94: Went to a wedding: my dad's wedding 4 years ago
93: Broke a bone: I haven't done that yet
92: Got a peircing: I'm getting one soon
91: Broke the law: I am very dank
90: Texted: 6 hours ago [ MISC ]
89: Who makes you laugh the most: my Best Friend KD
88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my ability to cry in my room
87: The last movie I saw: A Time to Kill (I can't think about that)
86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: Possibly not feeling depressed? And finishing my fanfic!!!
85: The thing im not looking forward to: What I do after the fanfic is done
84: People call me: Jo or Mojo
83: The most difficult thing to do is: To look at yourself and tell yourself that you are worth it when you don't feel like you are
82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nope
81: My zodiac sign is: Capricorn 
80: The first person i talked to today was: my sister May :3
79: First time you had a crush: I was like 10
78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: I can hide something from anyone I do it all the time
77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: Everyday I'm with KD, we are turning into the same person 
76: Right now I am talking to: Tayah 💜💚💜
75: What are you going to do when you grow up: I either want to be a makeup artist, drama teacher, or art teacher
74: I have/will get a job: I want to, don't know if I'll live that long hahahahahah
73: Tomorrow: might be better
72: Today: I don't like visiting my mom
71: Next Summer: I'll be with my mom
70: Next Weekend: I'll be with my mom
69: I have these pets: many dogs and cats
68: The worst sound in the world: that sound that Music stands make against smooth tile 
67: The person that makes me cry the most is:
66: People that make you happy: my Tumblr friends💜💚💜
65: Last time I cried: last night
64: My friends are: Anyone who's nice to me
63: My computer is: not mine
62: My School: Can suck my dick, Lord Travis Richardson III
61: My Car: doesn't exist 
60: I lose all respect for people who: Hurt people out of amusement 
59: The movie I cried at was: A time to Kill 
58: Your hair color is: naturally it's a light brown 
57: TV shows you watch: Sleepy Hollow
56: Favorite web site:...Tumblr...
55: Your dream vacation: Naples, Italy
54: The worst pain I was ever in was: Panic Attacks
53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium well
52: My room is: odd
51: My favorite celebrity is: DAVEED DIGGS
50: Where would you like to be: in with New York, North California or Oregon
49: Do you want children: I want to adopt
48: Ever been in love: I don't feel love
47: Who’s your best friend: KD
46: More guy friends or girl friends: It used to be guys but now they scare me
45: One thing that makes you feel great is: Makeup
44: One person that you wish you could see right now: Anyone who can help me feel better
43: Do you have a 5 year plan:
42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: No, because I can't think about dying too much ;-;
41: Have you pre-named your children: I promised my sister that if I adopted/had a baby girl her name had to be Winnrie 
40: Last person I got mad at: Myself
39: I would like to move to: anywhere but here
38: I wish I was a professional: Makeup Artist [ My Favorites ]
37: Candy: Gummy Bears :3
36: Vehicle: motorcycle 
35: President: OBAMA
34: State visited: America is weird
33: Cellphone provider: I don't care
32: Athlete: I don't follow
31: Actor: Lin Manuel-Miranda
30: Actress: PIPA SOO MY BB
29: Singer: does Daveed count?
28: Band: Queen and Black Veil Brides
27: Clothing store: Hot Topic
26: Grocery store: Jungle Jim's (it's an Ohio things)
25: TV show: SLEEPY HOLLOW
24: Movie: Tangled
23: Website: always Tumblr 
22: Animal: panther
21: Theme park: King's Island
20: Holiday: Halloween 
19: Sport to watch: WGI
18: Sport to play: MARCHING BAND
17: Magazine:History
16: Book: history text book
15: Day of the week: Thursday 
14: Beach: I don't do water
13: Concert attended: I've never been...
12: Thing to cook: Pasta!
11: Food: all food
10: Restaurant: all of them
9: Radio station: nope
8: Yankee candle scent: wedding cake 
7: Perfume: I wear Captivate
6: Flower: Bleeding Hearts an baby's breath 
5: Color: Purple and Green
4: Talk show host: Jimmy Fallon and John Oliver 
3: Comedian: Gabriel Iglesias 
2: Dog breed: Mutt Wuppy 
1: Did you answer all these truthfully? I have no reason to lie I guess ?

[catholiccom-blog]

The Word Was Made Flesh

"Behold, a virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and his name shall be called Emmanuel" (which means, God with us).

-Matthew 1:23

One of Islam’s admirable features is the adhan, or call to prayer. Five times a day, a signal goes out from a high place in a mosque alerting all Muslims within earshot that it’s time to pause from their activities and offer one of the short daily prayers that are part of Islamic ritual duty. The regular, corporate nature of this practice fosters strong religion. It draws believers together in a habitual common act; it reminds them to place worship—as an act of justice owed to God—before the demands of life in the world.

Wouldn’t it be great if Christianity offered something similar?

Well, it does. I’m not talking about the Liturgy of the Hours, which, although accessible to the laity has through history largely been a practice of religious. I’m talking about a simple prayer, meant to be said daily, that commemorates the central Christian mystery.

At noon each day in the Catholic Answers office, the voice of our chaplain, Fr. Vincent Serpa, crackles across the intercom system (we recently had it upgraded, but it still has the audio qualities of a McDonald’s drive-thru window). All of us—at our desks, in the kitchen, conversing in the hallway—pause, stand, and recite after him:

The angel of the Lord declared unto Mary And she conceived by the Holy Spirit. Behold the handmaid of the Lord Be it done unto me according to thy word. And the Word was made flesh And dwelt among us. (Here we genuflect.) Pray for us, O holy Mother of God That we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ.

A Hail Mary is offered between each response, and the prayer ends with an invocation of the mystery of the Incarnation, and a petition to God that we might benefit eternally from the merits of the Cross.

This is the Angelus, and it is traditionally offered at 6 a.m., noon, and 6 p.m. every day. It is one of the simplest yet most profound prayers in the Church: daily recalling to our minds that universe-shaking moment when the omnipotent, eternal God, through the consent of a teenage girl, willed himself to become a human embryo. It is so immense and absolute an idea that the very words almost resist being typed.

By praying the Angelus, boldly repeating the same words that set our salvation in motion even as we had just been eating or playing golf or watching TV, we reflect and re-present the Incarnation’s radical parameters. A little over 2,000 years ago in ancient Judea, the world was just going about its business when suddenly the King of the world burst into it and nothing was ever the same. Yet the world continued on its course, watching and waiting for the revelation of the gospel (in Christ’s ministry, now past) and the glory of the kingdom (in his Second Coming, still future). In the Angelus we interrupt our business to recognize the import of that moment, then we, too, go back to the mundane labors and pleasures that make up regular life, watching and waiting for Christ to complete his work in us.

On this Solemnity of the Annunciation (which commemorates the Incarnation; like all things Marian its focus is ultimately Jesus), as many of us surface from our Lenten penances for one last breath before plunging into the disciplines of Holy Week, I would encourage all Catholics to make regular recitation of the Angelus a feature of your personal—and familial—prayer life. Let there never be an hour anywhere on earth when we do not recall that ineffable moment. God is with us.

[witchy-girll]

How It Started

Now you might just be wondering how someone can just become a witch because, i’m kind of wondering that myself. I want to be one its just... how?

My best friend showed me her tarot card and gave me a reading in the middle of McDonald. After getting a past, present, future reading and it being so accurate that I nearly had a panic attack, It was time too enter this crazy world. 

For a while I didn't use my deck that much. I kind of lost interest until my best friend and I were un-taping some cords for our winter percussion group and we started to just talk. The day before Aubry, my best friend, and Aaron, a little brother figure to me, were talking about which Greek god was who in the group. I had no clue what i was talking about so i just piped in and said i would be Poseidon and stuff like that. back to the taping, I was talking to Aubry about how I’ve always felt like the ocean was truly my home, like i feel homesick about the ocean. Its strange because i live in Michigan and i only see the ocean like... Once a year maybe? But then she started talking about this religion Wicca.

She told me that you could have a matron, a patron, or both. I thought it was super cool and we left it at that. Aubry then texted me about Aphrodite. She heard the song Alrighty Aphrodite and instantly thought of me so naturally, we looked to see if i had been receiving a calling from her. Little did I now, I was getting shit tons of signs. during a time where i hated the way that i looked and just wanted to love someone and receive love, I seen pearls everywhere. I watch youtube a lot and during that time a crap ton of clam opening videos came up on my feed. Before this, I had never searched for pearls, talked about them, nothing. Also during this time I had two doves that would stay in my backyard during spring. they would never leave and me and my mom would call them dumb and dumber because even after my cat would go after them, they would just stay there and prance around our backyard. After we figured this out, i decided to do a deity spread and low and behold.... It wasn’t the beautiful Aphrodite that responded... It was the god of wealth, the god of the underworld, Hades.

I was nervous when i got that news and also confused. How were we SO off? I did another spread and realized that I really do need his help. He wants me to take control of my life, my destiny, to become more than what i could possibly imagine. 

I have major troubles picturing the future so to have a god that wants to help me plan and take control has really helped me bring peace to my inner self. And this is only a month in.

Not everyone believes in deities but, I sure as hell do. I have an offering set up for him and so far he has liked it. 

I will write more about my experience with Hades because so far, its been a lot. 

[hermanwatts]

An Equation of Almost Infinite Complexity

An Equation of Almost Infinite Complexity is now available in audiobook+. If you’re potentially interested in this very funny and very Canadian satire, you can listen to a nearly two-hour free sample  at Unauthorized.

When the devil moves in next door to Cooper Smith Cooper’s house, Cooper doesn’t know what to make of him at first. But when the unexpectedly neighborly Mr. Scratch helps the unemployed actuary find a job at a local insurance company with the help of some inside information into the activities of Death, Cooper decides the old devil might not be so bad after all.The only problem, Cooper thinks, is how to conceal from his fellow actuaries his newfound ability to perfectly predict the time and place of people’s deaths.

And then, there is also the small matter of the screams of his recently deceased neighbor coming from Scratch’s basement furnace to consider.

The audiobook+ of An Equation of Almost Infinite Complexity is now available at Arkhaven Comics. Narrated brilliantly in true Canadian fashion by Ken Dickason, the audiobook+ is 14 hours 17 minutes long and includes the ebook in both EPUB and Kindle formats. The paperback is also available at Castalia Direct.

From Chapter Five: The Loves of Thisbe

Thisbe pulled the car into traffic. “Songs about lovin’ and livin’ and good-hearted women…” sang the countrified radio.

“Songs about chintzes and blintzes and sprained arms in splintses,” sang Julius. He turned the radio off and sang with a Nashville accent: “Get your tongue out of my mouth baby, I am kissing you goodbye.” He spoke: “You can’t improve on that one, really.” He went back to the radio song: “Songs about sneezes and cheeses and snot when it freezes…”

“Julius,” said Thisbe, mock-annoyed, shifting gears and passing a car on the right with a stomp on the accelerator.

“I’m just one rhyme short for you: ‘Songs about frisbees and Thisbes.’ I suppose I could add ‘how-did-you-miss-me-s’ or something like that.”

“‘Bar Mitzvies’?” Thisbe suggested.

“No one was ever elected Pope by offending the Jewish vote. To judge by the number of Holocaust movies, the world is now seventy-five percent Jewish.”

“Julius…” said in a warning.

“I know, I know. Even the nephew of the king must be careful.”

“You aren’t the nephew of the king.”

“True. I got my job on merit. I blackmailed a politician.” Julius was in a government ministry, a job which he claimed combined the best of banking (“hours: ten to three”), teaching (“we do nothing between June and September”) and prostitution (“that little thrill you get when the hand drops into your pants is actually us, reaching for your wallet”).

“Mm hmm.”

“Blackmail is just as much a job skill as dating the boss’s daughter or having large breasts. You get what you put in. That’s my motto.”

But Thisbe changed the subject. “It’s too bad you weren’t there for the service.”

“I can’t go to Scratch’s service. I’m an atheist.”

“Julius, it would be nice if I didn’t have to go alone to these things.”

“You weren’t alone. I came along after the service. Remember, I come from a family of atheists. In fact, a family of Catholic atheists. The kind who believe you have to be punished for your sins even if there is no God. My folks should actually be Unitarians, the church specifically designed for atheists with children. But I’ve progressed. I maintain an independent posture toward the World to Come. To the extent that I dabble, I believe that Allah is God and Mohammed is his prophet. In the meantime, I like German beer, country music, and the Montreal Expos, or, as we call them in English, the Washington Naturals. Women dig me.”

She understood that all this was male bravado, perhaps not particularly well done. “Why Mohammed?” she said, following his irrelevancy despite herself.

“Well, first of all, Mohammedans become cross when you disagree with them. You say to a Moslem, ‘I beg to differ,’ and the next thing you know a pleasant young woman in a burkha comes to the door and detonates a nail bomb hidden in her purse. The suicide bomber is Islam’s one truly original contribution to world culture this last four hundred years.”

“Uh huh.” Thisbe was tired of this.

“But more importantly,” said Julius, sensing he was unappreciated, “A refinement on Pascal’s wager. Pascal says that since you know you’re going to die, there are really two possibilities: you die and it doesn’t matter what you did; or you die and it does. He says you should believe in God because you don’t lose much by wasting an hour a week being Christian, and if God does exist, you could gain Eternity. It’s always worth betting on a long shot if the upside is pretty snappy—eternal life, for instance. Like a lottery ticket that costs less than you’d notice spending and could win you a million spondulix. I mean, why not invest a few hours?”

“So why won’t you come to church with me then?”

“As I said: a refinement. I took Pascal one better. He’s right. You should do at least the minimum if you might get eternal life. But what kind of eternal life? That was my question. Christian eternal life is endless contemplation of the Godhead. So that’s pretty good. Better than a visit to the proctologist, for instance, although some of my gay friends might disagree. But at least better than waking up and finding yourself the cheeseburger course in an eternal Satanic McDonald’s, which is what my ancestors believed.”

“But you don’t believe it.”

“In what, proctologists? Of course I believe in them. I’ve got the stretch marks to prove it. But that’s not what we were talking about.”

“Jesus, Julius.”

“Yes, him I don’t believe in. Nor that eternal contemplation stuff. Why believe in eternal contemplation of anything? Islam takes Christianity one better. Instead of contemplating God, when an Islamic man gets to heaven, he gets–”

“You’ve got to be kidding.”

“Babes! By the truckload. Gallons of them. Talk about your world’s great religions. It’s sort of like Calvin’s doctrine of Total Depravity. But—a very optimistic kind of Total Depravity.”

“It’s chauvinistic. Do the women get truckloads of men?”

“If you’re betting on an afterlife, go big or stay home is my advice.”

“What about the women?”

“Oh, they’re all virgins.”

“No, the women who get to heaven.”

“What about them?”

An Equation of Almost Infinite Complexity published first on https://sixchexus.weebly.com/

[timclymer]

Suicide in the Church, Part 3

Suicide strikes … AGAIN!

This may wind up being the most important article some have ever read. I hope it will not only help a few readers, but that it will open the eyes of others, helping them understand, motivating them to help. I trust there will be those who will actually clip it, mailing it to someone for what they are worried about, or posting it in the breakroom.

I’ve written quite a bit about suicide over the past few weeks and have received some remarkable feedback. I wrote on the subject because there have been so many suitors lately and folks wanted answers. If you’ve read any of the previous articles, you’ve seen some frightening statistics. This subject remains heavy on my heart and continues to be a concern to many. For me, it started when a man with what a dear friend had been interacting was found in his jail cell with a cable TV wire around his neck. Then, another friend who led a Bible study took his own life. Within days, this was followed by the suicide of another man who, along with his spouse, had prayed with and preceded the previous friend’s wife.

Saturday, I officiated a wedding 2 hours away. Incredibly, on Sunday, the father of the bride took his own life.

My mind is reeling as I write.

Suicide has a frightening air of finality. Filled with hopelessness, despair, and tragedy, it’s a word we like to keep at arms’ length. As a whole, society tends to look down its nose at anyone who would commit this gruesome act. We call them selfish, cowardly … I must admit, after seeing that beautiful young bride and her dashing husband on Saturday, preparing to begin their lives together, if her father were standing alive before me now, I’ve got a hard time refraining from beating the thunder out of him. How could he do that to his precious daughter?

But I recall the day, about 15 years ago, that suicide entered my thoughts in a different way. I had just lost my job with a Dallas ad agency and my wife had left me, taking our kids with her. For the first time in my life, I was all alone on a Thanksgiving, too broke to join any family gatherings taking place across the country. Our church friends had quickly chosen sides and had shunned yours truly. It was Thanksgiving Eve, sleeting and raining, about 16 below zero with the wind chill. I was sleeping on a mattress on the floor of a mobile home, my entire world seemingly in shambles all around me. I remember waking up to the whirring sound of ball bearings rolling around in the furnace which was now spewing forth cold air. I was dizzy, disoriented, freezing to death in my sleep, I believe. Taking my own life with the razor sharp meat clever in the kitchen was the most natural thought in the world to me. I formulated a plan to slit my wrists, crawl back onto my mattress, and let them find me in the spring. Truly, I was experiencing the darkest hour of my soul.

But God stepped in. The atmosphere became charged as it does when a frisky puppy runs into a room or a bunch of children run through an open screen door to get a drink from the kitchen sink on a hot summer day. “Joy will come in the morning” suddenly echoed through my mind. I bundled up and made it through the night, only to be awakened next day by a startingling crash as a sheet of ice melted and slid off the metal roof onto the frozen ground. I looked outside and the sun was glazing off the melting ice everywhere.

Life got gradually better. Incredibly better. Today, I would not trade mine for all the world.

Truth is, I discovered another option to suicide. I found it in the Bible, God’s love letter to mankind. You know … that perennially best-selling book most Christians rarely read? The good news about the current state of depression some may be feeling at this moment, is that God really DOES have a plan for your life – a plan that can only be fulfilled when we give everything over to Him. Listen, there IS a purpose for your life; a reason for your existence. Your current, dismal, emotional and spiritual state may be the very springboard you need for discovering just how valuable you are to Him, how your life can be transformed, and how others can be rescued by YOU. Tough times do NOT last. Tough people DO!

Perhaps you’ve asked yourself, “How did I get to this point?” The answer? Gradually, just as drops of water will slowly but surley fill a bucket. Everyone goes through periods in their lives when they feel down. In time, sadness leaves and life goes on. There are instances, however, when tough times, a strained relationship or some other problem, leads to unhappiness that keeps us in bondage. When that happens, life can become a daily struggle with uneasiness, gloom, and emptiness. Ultimately, hopelessness can take hold, creating a feeling of dissatisfaction with everything.

Depression is often associated with a sense of loss that can come with illness, the death of a loved one, sudden unemployment, divorce, and so on. A chronic illness, or permanent disability, can rob one’s independence, making them feel worthless, helpless, and angry. Losing someone you care about, through death or divorce, can leave a tremendous void.

Guilt is another trigger for depression. Perhaps you’re struggling with substance abuse or another addiction or have made some really bad choices that you’re ashamed of that are about to be disclosed. A childhood trauma may have left you feeling damaged and unworthy of God’s love and acceptance. Maybe you feel like a failure because you have not achieved all that you wanted in life.

Whatever the cause, depression often leads to a sense of hopelessness. You may feel as though you’re at the end of your rope. You may think that ending your life is the only way to take control.

Trust me, it’s not.

What’s next? The answer is simple. REALLY simple. You can go on with life as usual, knowing where that may lead, or you can get a life. I’m talkin ‘REAL life. For some, the fact that you’re still reading this shows that you desire another option. So, here’s my answer. Ready? It’s my experience that there is only one real source of hope for a life of purpose, fulfillment, and joy.

That source has a name … it’s Jesus Christ.

It is my firm contention that Jesus is the answer to every problem known to mankind. To those who are still with me, that’s either absolute truth or it’s a lie. He said about His followers, “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full” (John 10:10). If that statement is true, logic screams for us to quickly become his followers. We must address the question, “If I’m not living real life, what is THIS?” Through a REAL, experiential relationship with Jesus Christ, overflowing love, forgiveness, peace, and joy can be ours. Interested? That’s a promise from God found in the Bible.

And God does not lie.

Sadly, far too often, even Christians settle for Religion and Church attendance over a relationship with the Creator through Christ’s teachings found in Scripture.

The How-to’s of Overcoming

I failed to mention that all the recent local suicides have been committed by professing Christians. Did Jesus promise his followers a problem-free life on Earth? No. He actually said, “In this life, you will have many troubles ….” He DID promise the power to face life’s trials with confidence, knowing that He will cause ALL things to work for our good.

By the way, the Greek word for “all” means ALL!

He promised either to deliver us from afflictions, or provide the strength to end them, according to His plan for us. Here’s the catch: to set that plan in motion requires giving our lives to Him.

As Bob Dylan sang, “We’re gonna serve somebody.” Even the atheist serves himself, enthroning himself as “lord” of his own life. By placing Jesus Christ on the throne of our lives, spiritually, we become what the Bible calls “born again” and we’re completely transformed as we renew our minds. According to the Scriptures, that same Spirit that raised Jesus from the dead dwells within us, His followers. Again, this has been my expereince and, I contend, the very answer that someone somewhere is needing. Your reading of this now is no accident.

Dust off that old Bible and look up the following verses: John 1:12; II Corinthians 5: 17; I Corinthians 2:12; I John 5: 11-13.

Jesus said, “Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him and he with me” (Revelation 3:20). He’s knocking right now. Open the door.

Three Keys to Vicorious Living

1) Talk to God. We call it “prayer” but it’s purely conversation with God. TWO-WAY conversation at that. So, be quiet and listen sometimes.

2) Begin reading the Bible. Get to know the Personality of the one who made came up with all those Precepts for living life with Power. You’ll find He’s the kindest person you’ll ever meet. Talk with Him as if He were your best friend. He IS!

3) Make yourself accountable to those who are living the Christian life successfully. Like all babies, even baby Chrsitians should aspire to GROW to maturity. In a nutshell, we become that with which we surround ourselves. Surround yourself with godly people and godly input.

What if You’re Already a Christian?

First, ask yourself if you really ARE a Christian. The word 'Christian’ translates as “Little Christs.” Galatians 5:22 tells us what the fruits of the Spirit are, the evidence that God’s Spirit resides in us. Too many people believe themselves to be Christians simply because they believe in God. Scripture declares that “even the devil believes, and he trembles.” Truth is, without we spend time with Him, how can we know Him at all? What relationship works like that? Logically speaking, Church attendance does not make one a Christian any more than going to McDonald’s make one a cheeseburger. Beside, Church is something we ARE 24/7 (meaning: “the called out ones”); it’s not merely someplace we GO.

To those who DO have a relationship with God, the enemy of our souls can cause any of us to feel depressed and have suicidal thoughts in a moment of weakness. So might a chemical imbalance. It can happen for all of the same reasons mentioned above. The trials of life touch everyone, including Believers in Jesus.

If the situation you are in is something you can not change, know that God’s the Inventor of Divine Intervention. As hard as it may be to do, continue praying for His help and covet the prayers of other victorious Christians. Do not stop. He does hear our prayers, but his perfect plan and ours are not always the same. Trust Him to respond in a way that will be to your best interest. That includes the possibility that He will give you strength and peace to end your trial rather than deliver you from it. He’s so much more concerned about our character than our comfort. His number one goal is to conform us to the image of Christ who, Scriptures tells us, was Himself sent by the Holy Spirit into the wilderness to be temped by the devil (Jesus is truly our example in EVERY way). Some of God’s greatest answers to prayer come in the form of peace and joy in the mid of great hardship. You can believe that He will see you through every storm in your life.

Along those lines, take a look at these verses: Psalm 23; Psalm 28: 7; Isaiah 43: 2; Romans 8:28; Philippians 4:13.

We are spirit-beings having an earthly experience. As such, you must ask God to fill you with His Spirit to help you tackle life by His power. Scripture declares, “You will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you.” The Bible is full of God’s promises to love, strengthen, heal, and guide.

The Purpose-Driven Life is a Top-Selling book these days. Begin reading God’s Word in a Purpose-Driven manner: to discover new insights about His love for you. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide your journey and to reveal truths you’ve never seen before. He’s the consensus teacher, after all. Accept the fact of God’s love for you by faith, NOT by feelings.

Look at these verses and receive them from God directly to you: John 3:16; Romans 5: 8; Isaiah 40:31; Isaiah 41:10; Lamentations 3: 22-23.

Today’s culture detests any mention of this word, but here goes: SIN. If you want to walk in victory, acknowledge any sin that might be interfering in your relationship with God. Ask Him to search your heart and pinpoint any problems. Then, confess and repent of your disobedience and receive his forgiveness. Confess means “to agree” and repent means “to change your mind.”

Here are some verses for dealing with sin: I John 1: 9; Psalm 139: 23-24; Galatians 5: 16-25.

Help Yourself to some help!

As part of the Body of Christ, you may wish to consult help from other Body Parts. Professional help in the form of a qualified Christian counselor has proved to be one of the best ways to fight depression and thoughts of suicide. Look in the phone book and make some calls. Ask for references. A good pastoral counselor can help you get a new perspective on your problems. Get a medical check-up. Sometimes depression is caused by a chemical imbalance or other biological factor.

Seek out a support group made of like-minded believers that can minister to the area of ​​difficulty in your life. Interacting with others who are facing similar challenges will help you feel less isolated.

Force yourself to do something the next time you feel down. Inactivity only makes depression worse. Here are some things to try:

Talk it out. Call a friend and open up.

Take a hike. Exercise causes blood and oxygen to circulate faster, which invigorates us. The brain produces endorphins that fight depression.

Help someone else. As you focus your attention on someone else, your own cares will become less burdensome. I often refer people to watch “Patch Adams” with Robin Williams, then report to me on their findings. Do not judge me on that; lives have been saved. God can use anything.

Listen to uplifting music. Choose your favorite songs and start jammin ’!

Here’s the good news: Whatever you’re struggling with at the moment, this too will pass. Whatever it is you’re going through, you’ll go through it. Though things may actually get worse before they get better, they will get better as you place them in God’s hands. Yes, we reap as we sow and there may be some really tough consequences coming to deal with. But whatever you do, deal with it!

Remember, “All things work together for good for those who love God and have been called according to His purpose.” Translation? God takes care of the lives of those who turn their lives over to Him.

Resist any thoughts you may be having about “ending it all.” God has the uncanny ability of taking that which seems really bad and making things turn out really good.

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Source by Michael Tummillo

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