#we get to see Joel’s moments of softness for the people he loves

[tightjeansjavi]

just watching this GIF and i noticed something i thought was cute.

joel is so soft in this, so gentle, with ellie

when his hands come up to cup her face, you can see how he’s trying to do it kind of quick, so that he can direct her to really look and see that its him. he’s a little frantic trying to get ellie to see that its him. but as his hands jump up from her shoulders to her face, there is a millisecond of hesitation before he very gently cups her face.

that’s the switch from frantically trying to turn her around and see him, to gentle comforting and soft words.

even in that split second he makes sure he isn’t being rough. he hesitates grabbing her face for a second, making sure that he can do it slowly and gently, instead of just moving straight from her shoulders to her face. he doesnt grab her head or force her to look at him, he gets his hands in position on either side of her face before slowly bringing them down to her cheeks as she realizes who he is.

thank you pedro and bella for this scene.

[pedrospatch]

a safe haven l ten

Jackson! Joel Miller x Female Reader

series masterlist

summary: After a long night, Joel and Ellie take you home.

warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI. (TW) THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS MENTIONS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, MENTIONS OF AN INJURY SUSTAINED FROM AN ACT OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, PREGNANCY, CONVERSATIONS SURROUNDING PREGNANCY LOSS . PLEASE HEED THE WARNINGS. Ellie and reader are very close to each other, Joel deals with feelings of guilt, Joel and Maria make nice, Joel gives reader a bath and washes her hair, food consumption (i am just gonna apologize to my lactose intolerant folks right now, trust me i must pretend with you), both reader and Joel have some big feelings, reader mentions her deceased father, angst, soft and domestic Joel, fluff.

word count: 5k

a/n: i have not updated this series since october. :l i feel a a mixed bag of emotions updating after all this time, but most of all, i am grateful to know there are a couple of people out there who are still invested in this story. to anyone who has been waiting: truly, it means the world that you have shown me patience, support, and kindness. believe me, i am going to be seeing this story to the end, and it is all thanks to those who continue to show this lil story of mine a whole lotta love. special shoutout to the loveliest human @mrsmando who made me this beautiful mooodboard every single time i got stuck during this chapter, i looked at it and it gave me the boost of inspiration i needed. thank you mimi <33 this chapter is fairly tame, the next chapter is already in the works, and there are a couple of time jumps coming. overall, we are down to the last handful of chapters. let’s finish this story and give these two the ending they deserve, shall we?

“What the hell is taking Tommy so fucking long?” Ellie whines. She’s sprawled out on the couch with her head in your lap, and her arm draped over her eyes. Her feet are hanging, dangling over the edge of the couch at an odd angle after you’d warned her not to get muck from her sneakers on the linen fabric. Despite Joel insisting over and over that she head on back to the house, she had stubbornly refused, not wanting to leave your side. “It’s been over two hours! He’s taking fucking forever, man. What’s the fucking hold up?”

Joel bites back a sigh, masking his own impatience. Or at least, he tries. He’s grown just as restless as the kid, if not more. Much like Ellie, he’s desperate. He’s itching to take you home already, almost too anxious to watch you take that first step over his threshold, and into your new life with him and with Ellie. He aches, aches, to get you settled into the place where you would be spending the remainder of your days with one another, where you would be safe, and loved in the way you deserved to be loved—the place where he would cherish and adore you until his final breath.

“Don’t know,” he answers, his voice sounding rougher, more gruff than usual. Reaching up, he scrubs his hand down the side of his face, adding tiredly, “He might be a while longer, kiddo. It could be another hour, could be more. Like I already told you, s’probably best if you just go on and head back to the house without us, alright?”

“No. I’m not walking out that fucking door unless she’s with me.” She pauses and pulls her arm away from her face for a moment, just long enough to throw a teeny glare his way. “Unless you’re both with me. The three of us go home together, or it’s no fucking deal. Got it?”

He shakes his head in utter exasperation.

“Ellie, we’ll be right here down the fuckin’ road—”

Her hand shoots out and she flips him off.

Just when he’s about to chastise her, he stops himself, clamping his mouth shut. It’s pointless.

Kid’s too goddamn hard headed for her own good, and Joel knows he’s just wasting his breath with her.

“I’m sure he’ll be back soon,” you reassure them both, weaving your fingers through her hair to scratch at her scalp in an effort to soothe her. “Right, Joel?”

He meets your exhausted, worn down gaze from where he’s standing across the room, and his heart lurches in his chest. As the guilt begins creeping in, he’s forced to look away. He can’t imagine the living hell you had been through over the last twenty four hours alone. And the worst part about it was the realization that last night, while he was fast asleep in bed just a couple of houses up the road, that fucking bastard had his belt wrapped around your throat.

Joel feels sick to his fucking stomach all over again.

Horrifying, vividly real images of you helplessly trapped underneath Luke scratching and clawing at the leather around your neck with trembling fingers, struggling to breathe oxygen into your burning lungs as he tugged it tighter and tighter through the buckle flash in his mind, a gruesome nightmare turned into reality.

Exactly how far had Luke taken it?

Until you had grown too weak to keep fighting?

Until you almost lost complete consciousness?

Until he noticed the life threatening to leave your eyes?

Is that when he had finally stopped pulling on the belt?

Joel shudders, a bitter taste climbing up his throat as it sinks in. He could have lost you—and his unborn child.

This shouldn’t have happened.

He shouldn’t have let you walk away that night.

This wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t let you walk away from him that night.

“Joel,” you say his name, quiet and weary.

His head snaps back in your direction and he glances at you, almost missing the subtle shake of your head. It is a silent warning telling him not to go there, though you know by the tight clench of his jaw it’s too late for that.

Joel makes the futile attempt to hide it, but he sees it written all over your face—you know what he’s thinking because you know him like the back of your own hand, and you just know he’s placing all of the blame for what happened to you on his own shoulders.

But can you honestly fault him for that?

How can you expect him not to feel like he is somehow responsible for this? Just how the hell is he supposed to make himself believe he hadn’t failed you?

Joel promised—he had fucking promised you—that he wouldn’t let anything bad happen to you. He had sworn to keep you safe, made a vow to protect you from Luke, but here you are, your soft, delicate flesh marred with the painful evidence of yet another one of his failures.

And it was all because he had let you walk away on that fucking night.

He should have done something.

Even if it meant running the risk of you never speaking to him again—even if you never forgave him, spent the rest of your life angry and hating him for going against your wishes. He should have something.

“Joel—”

“Be right back,” he mutters, lightly shaking his head.

Shoving away from the doorframe he’s leaning against, Joel pivots on the heel of his boot and starts down the hallway. He walks into the kitchen where he finds Maria standing at the counter, tapping her fingers against the smooth, laminated oakwood as she waits for the coffee she’d offered him a few minutes ago to finish brewing. She’d offered to whip up a quick supper, but food was the last thing on everyone’s mind.

“Tommy’s been gone for a couple hours now. Girls are startin’ to get real tired of just sittin’ around waitin’ for him to come back,” he tells her, exhaling the sigh he’d held back in the living room. “What do you think could be keepin’ him so long?”

With her back still to him, Maria reminds him, “Well, he did mention he was going to round up the council and get them together for an emergency meeting.” She lets out a sigh that matches his own—it’s been a long night for her, too. When the last drop of dark roast drips into the glass pot, she carefully takes the pot by the plastic handle and pours the steaming coffee into a speckled, white and blue ceramic mug. “Do you take it with milk and sugar?”

“No thanks, that’s alright,” he declines as politely as he can.

“I also have cinnamon if you’d like?”

“Plain black’s just fine.” He gives her a nod of gratitude when she hands it to him. “Thank you. And I don’t just mean the coffee, but for, uh—for bandagin’ up my hand for me, too.” He clocks the brief look of surprise on her face and almost laughs. He doesn’t blame her for being taken aback, because truth be told, so is he. Since he’d met Maria, he had known she didn’t trust him as far as she could throw him. There was something of a mutual understanding between them, a silent agreement they had made to keep each other at arm’s length, to only interact when it was absolutely necessary.

Never did he think he would be standing in her kitchen, thanking her for patching up his hand, and for making him a cup of coffee out of the kindness of her heart.

His brother wouldn’t believe it.

“Don’t mention it.” Crossing her arms over her chest, she leans back against the counter. “How’s it feel, by the way?”

“S’fine,” he replies, shrugging. “Nothin’ I can’t handle.”

There’s a momentary silence. A taste of tension lingers over their heads, and he knows at one point or another, he’s going to have to address the affair, the very reason everything had unfolded in such a terrible manner.

Guess now’s as good a time as fuckin’ any, he thinks to himself with an inward sigh.

Joel lightly clears his throat. “Listen, since we’ve got a minute alone, just the two of us, I was wonderin’ if, uh—if we could talk ‘bout somethin’? If that’s alright?”

“Of course.” Maria gives him the floor.

“I know that she—” Pausing, he shuffles from the heel of one boot to the other, his ears burning hot. He had known it wouldn’t be an easy conversation to have, but he underestimated just how uncomfortable it would be, regardless of what she already knew. “I know she told you and Tommy all ‘bout us, and ‘bout our relationship. See, the thing is, the first time I saw her—”

Again, Joel stops, the burning sensation now radiating, spreading from his ears to his face and down his neck, flushing his skin a deep, deep shade of pink. Unable to meet his sister in law’s gaze, he glances down into his mug, as if he will somehow find the right words to say somewhere in the depths of his coffee.

“It was never my intention, y’know,” he finally says after a minute. “Goin’ after a married woman. I swear, I never meant to fall for her. I just fuckin’ did. I think I might’ve fallen for her long before I even met her,” he confesses. He feels himself darken to a shade of maroon under her curious stare. “And somehow, for reasons I ain’t all too sure I’ll ever understand, she fell for me too.”

Maria raises an eyebrow at him. “Look, I’m not judging you, Joel,” she assures him, shaking her head. “If that’s what you’re thinking. I’m not judging her, either.”

He looks up at her, blurting out, “You’re not?”

She moves her hands to cradle her swollen middle. “Do I wish you two had handled everything differently?” she answers her own query with a nod of her head. “Oh, I’m sure we all do. But I’ve known her for a long time now. I know the kind of woman she is. And I’m starting to see the kind of man you are.”

“And what kinda man is that, Maria?”

He waits without the slightest clue as to what she could possibly say.

“Since you came back to Jackson, I’ve chosen to keep my distance from you—but make no mistake, I’ve been watching you like a hawk since day one. Waiting for any signs of trouble. Waiting for you to fuck up. Waiting for you to give me a good reason to throw your ass out of this community because I didn’t trust you. Not after all the things I was told about you.”

He snorts. “You goin’ somewhere with this?”

“You are not who I thought you were,” Maria admits, smiling wryly. “I’ve gotten to see a different side of you. You pull your weight around here by doing your job and doing it well. You stay out of trouble—for the most part. And more importantly, I have seen the way that you’ve stepped up to be a father figure to Ellie. It takes a good man to do that, Joel.”

“Think that’s the nicest fuckin’ thing you’ve ever said to me,” he muses, setting his mug down on the counter. “I stepped up because I love her. I love them both. Those two, they’re the best parts of me. They’re the reasons I keep goin’ and now I’ve got another reason on the way.”

Maria smiles, but it vanishes as quickly as it appears.

Catching her hesitance, Joel asks, “What? What is it?”

“What comes next is not going to be easy,” she warns him, lowering her voice. Even with the living room a fair distance from the kitchen, she doesn’t want to run the risk of you overhearing her. “For as hard as we’re going to try to contain the fire, it will spread, and everyone in this town will find out about everything—including the affair. People are going to talk, and believe me, they’re going to have a whole lot to say about it, Joel.”

He can’t help but roll his eyes at her.

“Think I can handle some fuckin’ gossip, Maria.”

“I know you can. But I’m not sure if she can,” Maria tells him, quietly. “It worries me. She’s been through a lot in just one night alone. I don’t want her stressing anymore than she already has. She is in a very delicate stage of her pregnancy right now, Joel. If she’s not careful, she could have a miscarriage. She had one about two years ago when her father became sick—” Observing his lack of a reaction, she realizes, “You knew that already.”

“Yeah,” he sighs. He knows where she’s going with this. “I did. She told me ‘bout it.”

“It makes her chances of having another one higher—”

Joel doesn’t even allow himself to think of it happening to you again. “I get it,” he interjects, trying not to sound too curt. “I’ll make sure she takes it real easy, alright?”

Lifting a hand off her belly, she reaches out and takes a hold of his forearm, gripping it tightly.

“Promise me something, Joel. Promise me that you’ll look after her,” Maria pleads him, gently. “Please. After everything she’s been through—I need you to promise me that she’s going to be in good hands with you.”

He nods. Without thinking, he places his hand over hers in an unexpected token of affection and reassurance. “You have my word, Maria. I’ll take good care of her.”

She gives his arm a grateful squeeze, then glances over his shoulder at the clock on the wall. “It’s getting pretty late. We don’t know how much longer Tommy’s going to be with the council. Why don’t we just go ahead and call it a night?” she suggests. “We can all get together first thing in the morning at your place to talk about it.”

“Yeah, good idea,” he agrees. “She really needs to rest.”

Maria gives his arm another squeeze. 

“Go on then, Joel. Take your girls home.”

“Finally!” Ellie exclaims with a dramatic flail of her arms as she shoves through the front door.

“Alright, kiddo. Get your behind upstairs and into the shower,” Joel instructs her, flipping on the lights in the foyer. “Y’smell like fuckin’ horse shit.”

She lifts the collar of her shirt to her nose, takes a whiff, and makes a face. “Yeah, I won’t argue with you there,” she mutters. She toes off her dirty sneakers and leaves them beside the door before dashing up the staircase, taking two steps at a time.

He shouts after her, “And don’t use up all the hot—”

“Yeah, yeah, I fucking know the rules, dude!”

Moments later, you both hear the shower going.

“Little shit,” he grumbles.

You exhale an amused huff through your nose.

Joel withdraws his arm from around your shoulders and reaches for your hand, lacing your fingers together. “C’mon, darlin’.” He guides you up the stairs and down the hallway into his bedroom where he switches on the light before proceeding to lead you over to his dresser. “I’ve got a bunch of shirts in this top drawer here,” he says. Dropping your hand, he pulls it open for you and gestures to it with a jut of his chin as he takes a step backwards, moving out of the way. “Go ahead and pick one to sleep in tonight. Want you to be comfortable, so help yourself to whichever one you want, sweet girl.”

Nodding, you begin to rummage through the drawer, unaware of the moment he slips away. You reach for a t-shirt, but then a plaid green flannel catches your eye. You pluck it from the drawer, running your fingers over the soft, warm fabric. “Is it alright if I wear—?” You turn around, stopping mid sentence when you realize he’s no longer standing behind you. Puzzled, you follow the sound of running water into the bathroom where you find him kneeling beside the tub. “Joel? What are you doing?”

“Runnin’ you a bath.”

You notice the bloodied bandage beside him on the tile floor. “Joel, are you serious?” you scold him. “Maria just patched your hand up for you.”

“S’okay, peach. I can rewrap it when we’re done.” Joel sticks his injured hand under the faucet to check the temperature, the cold water soothing his cuts. Once it turns warm, then hot, he pulls out his hand, waiting for the tub to fill halfway before shutting the faucet off and rising to his feet. “C’mere, sweetheart.” He rolls the sleeves of his shirt up to his forearms, then beckons for you with both of his hands. “Let’s get you washed up.”

You remain standing by the door. “Joel, you don’t have to do this for me.”

“I know.”

“I’m capable of washing myself—”

“Yeah, I know that too,” he says, chuckling. “S’only fair, darlin’. Don’t you think?”

That’s when it hits you—how this moment is mirroring that night you had cleaned Joel up after you and Ellie had brought him home from the clinic with an injured shoulder. He allowed you to take care of him, and now, he was looking to do the same for you. And all you had to do was let him.

“But your hand—”

“Will be just fine,” Joel persists, stubbornly. “It’s nothin’ but a few cuts and scrapes. C’mon—or else I’m gonna march right over there and get you myself, peach.”

Knowing Joel, you certainly wouldn’t put it past him to throw you over his should and carry you to the bathtub.

“Fine,” you relent with a small sigh of defeat.

Setting his shirt down on the sink, you slowly walk over towards him and whirl around, letting him help you out of your knitted cardigan. You finish undressing yourself, inhaling a deep breath as you muster up the courage to turn back around and face him—when you finally do, it feels like a punch to the gut to see the heartbreak in his dark brown eyes, the subtle tremble of his bottom lip. You don’t have to look at yourself in the mirror to know it looks about a hundred times worse when you’re not wearing clothes.

Keeping your arms down at your sides, you fight every urge to cover yourself up. You’ve never felt so fucking vulnerable.

Clearing his throat, Joel holds out his hand. “C’mere.”

You accept it, and he helps you into the tub.

“How’s the water? S’not too hot, is it?”

You shake your head and he leans forward, kissing your temple so sweetly, your eyes flutter closed.

He washes your hair first, then takes a clean washcloth, lathering it up with a bar of milk and honey soap—the same soap he would smell on your skin all those nights. Admittedly, Joel preferred castile soap, but switched it when he found himself missing you during those weeks you were apart from him, when he needed the comfort of your scent. He is gentle with you, so gentle, as if he’s afraid you’ll shatter into pieces in his hands.

As he lightly drags the washcloth up your back and around your neck, you stiffen, prompting him to freeze too. “Fuck. Baby, did I hurt you?” he asks, and you hear the slight panic in his tone.

“No,” you say quickly, desperately trying to swallow the lump rising in your throat. “No, you didn’t hurt me. It’s just—” Every overwhelming emotion slams into you all at once, and you can’t seem to figure out which one to feel first. Humiliation? Fear? Relief?

The water sloshes around you as you pull your legs up to your chest and wrap your arms around your knees, giving yourself permission to feel them all. Bowing your head, you begin to sob quietly, hoping that Ellie, who is just down the hallway, won’t hear you crying again.

Joel says nothing. Washcloth still clutched in his hand, he leans forward over the edge of the tub and wraps his arms around you, pulling you close, or at least, as close as the barrier between the two of you will allow him.

“Joel,” you choke, trying to push him off. “Stop it. Your clothes, they’re getting all wet.”

“Hush. Don’t fuckin’ care ‘bout my clothes,” he croaks, and for a second, you swear he’s about to cry too. But he doesn’t. He holds himself strong. Tugging you closer against his chest, he buries his nose into your soaking wet hair, whispering his reassurance. “You’re okay, baby. You’re safe, my sweet girl. I’ve got you, alright?”

He pulls back slightly, dipping his hand into the water, placing it on your lower belly.

You look down, your eyes glazing over his bruised and battered knuckles. Proof that Joel Miller really would do anything for you.

“I know you do,” you say, softly. “I know you’ve got me, Joel.”

A while later, you’re dried, dressed, and composed. You follow Joel out of the bathroom and back into his room, where he has you take a seat on the bed. Noticing you had missed a button on his flannel shirt, he does it for you. He plants a kiss on the top of your head and says, “Give me a minute while I change.”

He peels off his wet clothes, being careful so as not to further agitate his sore, injured hand. After changing into a pair of gray sweatpants and an old, faded black t-shirt, he turns around only to find you’re sitting in bed underneath the covers.

“Sorry,” you apologize with a nervous chuckle as you rest your back against the headboard. “It just looked so warm and cozy—and it smells like you. I couldn’t resist making myself comfortable.”

Joel pads over to the side of the bed. He leans over, planting one hand on either side of you as he dips his head and brushes his lips against yours. “Ain’t got no reason to apologize, baby,” he assures you in a gentle murmur. “This is your bed now too, peach. This is your room. This is your home. Alright?”

Home.

You’re home.

He touches the tip of his nose to yours, and then draws himself back up to full height. “There’s somethin’ that I’ve gotta take care of downstairs, peach. I won’t be too long,” he promises.

It’s almost midnight. Joel goes about the kitchen and he prepares you the quickest meal that he can think of. He plates the sandwich he’d thrown together and pours a glass of cow’s milk—he’s always sure to keep a pint of it in the refrigerator to make the kid her oatmeal in the mornings.

He heads back upstairs, only to find that while he had been gone, Ellie had joined you, making herself a little too comfortable on his side of the bed. He stands there at the door, watching the two of you.

“Hey, so is it true babies can hear stuff while they’re in there?” Ellie questions you, curiously.

“Mhm,” you reply with a nod. “They can hear music, for example. Voices—”

“Voices?” She smushes her face into your stomach and he hears a muffled, “Hey, dude!”

You giggle. “Ellie, I think it’s still a little too early.”

“When do you think it’ll be able to hear me?”

“I’m not too sure. In a few months, maybe?”

Ellie lifts her head, humming. “You know, I bet there’s baby books in the library,” she tells you as she sits up. “I’ll have Dina help me look for one tommor—oh shit.” She stares at you with wide eyes. “Dina! How are you going to tell her and Talia about Luke?”

Joel grimaces. He hadn’t thought of that, either.

“I—I’m not too sure.”

“You have to fucking tell them. Dina has to know about him. She has to know what a piece of shit he is, and so does Talia.”

Sensing your discomfort, Joel steps into the bedroom and intervenes before she can say another word. “Ellie, get to bed. S’late.”

“But—”

“Don’t make me tell you again,” he warns her, sternly.

She huffs, rolling her eyes. “Fine.” She climbs off the bed and on her way out, she eyes the plate in his hand. “That chicken?”

“Turkey. And it ain’t for you, it’s for her. So scram, kid.”

“Couldn’t have made me one while you were at it, old man?”

“Ellie, if you don’t get outta here right now—”

“Alright!” Ellie holds her hands up. “I’m leaving. Jesus.”

She disappears, closing the door behind her.

“Pain in my ass,” Joel mumbles, shaking his head as he walks over and carefully perches himself beside you. He hands you the plate. “Here, darlin’.”

“Joel, I appreciate this, but I’m really not very hungry.”

“Maybe not, but y’gotta eat,” he insists. “Baby needs it.”

Thankfully, you accept it without further protest.

“I’ll have Ellie get your things tomorrow,” Joel states as you’re eating. “Maria can go along with her since she knows the house. They’ll get your clothes and whatever else you might need outta there.”

“My father’s belongings.” You accidentally talk through a mouthful of turkey and bread. Swallowing, you tell him, “I have some boxes of his stuff in the basement. But they’re way too heavy for either of them to carry.”

“I’ll take care of that for you.” He reaches up, wiping a breadcrumb from the corner of your mouth with his thumb. “I can ask Tommy to give me a hand. Don’t you worry, peach. We won’t leave your dad’s things behind, I swear it.”

Relieved, you shoot him a grateful look, then polish off the last few bites of your sandwich.

“Here,” he says, offering you the glass of milk. “Figured it’s good for you, and good for the baby. Y’know, since it’s got calcium and…stuff.” He shrugs sheepishly, no clue as to what he’s talking about. “Vitamins, right?”

Nodding, you grab the glass and take a reluctant sip.

“You hate milk,” Joel realizes, raising an eyebrow.

“I do,” you admit with a laugh. “But you’re right. It’s good for both me and the baby, so cheers.” And with that, you somehow force the entire glass down.

He sets the dishes aside on the nightstand, figuring he can take them downstairs first thing in the morning.

Without bothering to rebandage his hand like he’d told you he would, Joel turns off the lights and climbs into bed with you. “All those nights wishin’ I could bring you home,” he muses as you curl into his side. “Wantin’ nothin’ more than to hold you in my arms in this bed. In our bed.” His arm slips around your shoulders, a laugh rumbling through his chest. “Almost doesn’t feel real, darlin’.”

Tilting your head, you nuzzle your nose into the scruff of his beard, prompting him to laugh again. Then, he remembers his conversation with Maria, and his smile fades from his face, his lips pursing together.

You catch the sudden shift in his demeanor.

“Joel? What’s the matter?”

“M’fine, baby. It’s just—” He hesitates. “From this point forward, I need you to let me handle things.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t want you gettin’ all stressed out, alright? I don’t want to run the risk of you—” He’s unsure of how to say it.

“Of me losing the baby,” you finish for him, quietly.

Joel winces, knowing he was wandering into sensitive territory. “Yeah. I—I really don’t want that to happen.” He pauses. “Maria mentioned to me you’re in a delicate stage. When do you reckon you’ll stop—how long until you don’t gotta worry ‘bout it?”

“After twelve weeks, my risk isn’t as high. If I make it to the second trimester in six weeks, then my chances of having another miscarriage are lower.”

Though you speak calmly, he clocks your anxiousness.

You’re worried, and he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t fucking worried out of his mind too.

Being a father at his age wasn’t ideal, but he wanted this child. It was part of him, and more importantly, it was a part of you.

Joel squeezes your shoulders. “I only ask ‘cause I was thinkin’ that, y’know, once we get to that point, maybe I can go ahead and start buildin’ the baby’s crib.”

“You’re going to build the crib?”

He nods. “And the highchair too. I can even make you a diaper changin’ table if y’want one.”

“Joel.” You can’t help but chuckle. “Our worlds were just turned completely upside down. You just found out that I’m pregnant, and you’re already thinking about building furniture? Aren’t we getting a little ahead of ourselves?”

“Hey, those things take a whole ‘lotta time,” he says in defense of himself. “Besides, winter’s right around the corner and I don’t wanna be out in the garage freezin’ my fuckin’ ass off. If I can get a head start now, I can have them all done in the spring by the time the baby comes.”

You fall silent.

“What’s on your mind?”

“I’m really scared of losing it,” you confess. “When I first took that pregnancy test, I wanted nothing more for it to be negative. Now, I’m terrified I won’t make it past my first trimester again. I really don’t want to lose it. I want this baby, Joel.”

He turns his head, meeting your eyes in the silver light shining through the lace curtains over his window. “S’why you’ve gotta let me handle things, darlin’. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“C’mere, my sweet girl.” Joel presses his lips to yours, murmuring against them, “I love you.”

His declaration comes with natural ease.

And so does yours.

“I love you too, Joel.”

[jobean12-blog]

The Last Time We Say Goodbye

Pairing: Joel Miller x female reader

Word Count: 1,604

Summary: It's only recently that you and Joel have been more that just friends so when he has to go out on a search with Tommy it leaves you with nothing but time to think...

Author's Note: I missed him and wanted something desperate but soft! Thank you all so much for reading! Much love always! ❤️❤️❤️Divider by the lovely @firefly-graphics thank you sweet Daisy!

Warnings: some light angst at Joel being away, tension, soft sweetness, soft smut, oral (f rec), p in v, a curse or two

Pedro Pascal Character Masterlist

The time away had only made things more complicated.

You felt frustrated. You were spending far too much time thinking of him. Missing him. Worrying about him.

Your time together was always on your mind, and you had dreams of him almost nightly, none of them satisfying enough.

There was no way he could ever give you a precise time for his return. You couldn’t even be sure that he would return. But somehow, on that cool summer evening, while you’re sitting on the porch, mindlessly swaying back and forth on the rocking chair he built, you hear  a commotion by the gates and you know the group is back.

You can only hope he’s with them.

Standing, you take a deep breath and try to calm the butterflies in your stomach. The sound of pounding hooves has your fingers twisting and you stand on your tippy toes to get a better look at the riders.

You don’t see him and you’re breathing quickens. Starting to pace back and forth you will your mind to stop racing and your heartbeat to calm. Without thinking, you stop mid step and turn toward the oncoming group, searching through the familiar faces for the one you want.

Your breath catches in your throat when a head of familiar, gray-streaked brown hair appears. There he is, looking better than you’d ever seen him. How…after two weeks on the road does someone come back looing better?

His hair is a tousled mess of curls as usual, no doubt from his large hands running through it regularly. His long legs hang over either side of the horse, muscles flexed and straining against his tight jeans. In the warmer weather, his shirt is unbuttoned at the neck and his sleeves rolled up over his forearms.

He looks tired and his beard is more unkempt than usual, but that’s not what has your body thrumming. His eyes have been searching the area, but the moment they meet yours, his lips lift into a smile and before you can stop it, you feel your own grow, wide and relieved.

With ease, he slides from the horse and takes a few long strides to meet you out in the middle of the road. His features grow tense while you both wait for the other to speak.

“Hi,” you say quietly, trying to ease some of the apprehension between you.

“Hiya darlin’,” he answers.

“Are you ok?” you ask, letting your eyes roam down his body in search of injuries.

He pauses for a moment before answering.

“I am now.”

There are people bustling around you, loved ones searching for each other and cries of greeting ringing out, but the only thing you can focus on is the growing tension and every inch of space that separates you.

Someone rushes by and bumps into you, pushing you toward him. His hand instinctively lands on your waist to steady you and you look up to find him staring.

Your skin heats at the familiar look of hunger in his eyes. You mutter “thank you,” and look away.

“You must be thirsty? Hungry?”

He nods and makes a gesture toward his horse. You watch as he walks over and starts to lift his belongings from the saddle, distracted as the muscles of his back tighten his shirt.

Tommy yells something and he answers, breaking you out of your daze.

“How ‘bout that drink?” he asks when he’s standing close once again.

You move around your small kitchen in silence, trying to busy yourself with making him a small meal. All you want to do is reach over and touch him, to tell him that you need him to touch you.

All your thoughts make it impossible for you to concentrate on the task, your time apart having done nothing to lessen his hold over you. If anything, it’s stronger.

With a sigh you reach for a plate, too distracted to react as it slips free from your hand and crashes to the ground.

He rushes up behind you, taking your hand in his and checking it for any cuts. His calloused fingertips search your skin, and you feel every sensation. His scent fills the space you occupy, and he surrounds you completely.

“Are you okay, darlin’?”

You turn to face him, your lips parting at the intensity in his gaze.

“It’s just been a long day,” you say, searching for any excuse.

“Hmm,” he muses, continuing to study you.

His gaze flickers to your mouth and you need him to kiss you. As if drawn in, you lean closer as he leans in to meet you.

Suddenly, a knock sounds at the door and Tommy comes in, his smile fading when he realizes his obvious interruption.

“Sorry big brother,” he mutters. “But you forgot this.”

He holds out Joel’s knife before looking at you with an apologetic smile. Joel takes it and then carefully slides it into the back pocket of his jeans.

Tommy disappears out the door as quickly as he had come in.

Your chest rises and falls rapidly and when you look back at Joel you have no time to react as he grips your face between his hands and pulls you into his chest.

When your lips meet, you make a strangled sound of surrender, immediately combing your fingers through his hair.

He holds you steady, pulling away to press a kiss to one corner of your mouth, then the other before he lingers in the middle.

You press your curves into him and he bumps into the counter, then the kitchen table as you shift and finally meet the wall as he pins you against something solid.

You can smell, taste and feel him but none of it is enough.

He grabs your ass, your thighs, slides his hands along your waist and up over your breasts, seeming to need to touch every part of you simultaneously. Your hands roam his body frantically, yanking on his shirt until the buttons pop off and it falls from his shoulder to the floor.

His fingers trace the hem of your dress, and you moan, bringing your hand to rest on his, guiding his movements.

“Tell me what you want,” he murmurs in a voice rough with need. “Tell me the things you want me to do to you.”

“Everything,” you whisper against his mouth.

He groans your name and slips his hands under your dress.

“I need to see all of you,” he says, teasing your mouth.

In one swift movement he has the dress up and over your head and stops dead at the sight of what’s been hiding beneath.

He takes a step back, leaving you pressed against the wall.

Your matching satin and lace set has him licking his lips and he pushes a restraining hand through his hair.

“Fuck, you’re stunning,” he says, moving closer again and running his fingertips along the swell of your breasts.

A visible shiver runs across your skin and his hand travels upward, tracing the outline of your collarbone, along your neck and finally to your jaw.

He drags your mouth to his and you fumble clumsily with his pants. His hands wander down the curve of your spine, back up again along your sides to your breasts, and feel every inch of your skin.

The kiss never breaks as you stumble back toward the couch and pull at his remaining clothes.

He stops just when your calves hit the cushions, slowly tracing your ribs with his knuckles before sliding to the clasp of your bra to release it.

Pulling you closer, he groans into your mouth as your soft breasts graze his chest and your fingers slide lower, circling his cock and lightly squeezing.

He spins and sits down, resting his hands on your waist and holding you still in front of him. Reaching down he slips his thumbs under the fabric at your hips and delicately drags it down your legs.

With soft kisses to your stomach, he moves downward, continuing to taste until you coat his tongue and erase everything else.

“I’m fuckin’ losin’ my mind darlin’,” he whispers against your ear as he drags you into his lap. “I need to be inside you.”

Your hips rock over him, his cock sliding against your wetness as your sighs and moans fill the room.

“Is that what you want?”

“Yes,” you whimper. “Please Joel. I can’t wait any longer.”

He brings his eyes to yours, his lips hovering just an inch away as he holds your gaze and guides himself deep inside you.

“Oh my god,” you moan.

“Say it again,” he demands, breathless.

“Please Joel.”

He starts to thrust into you more steadily and you brace your hands on his shoulders, easily meeting each movement.  

“I can’t get enough of this,” he whispers against your lips. “I want you like this every day.”

His name leaves your lips like a prayer and his grip tightens.

“Come on darlin’. Let me see you come all over me. It’s all I’ve thought about.”

Your thighs tighten around his waist, and you squeeze his cock, your breath hitching before you muffle your cries against his neck. He follows right behind, hips stuttering and breathing ragged.

He slumps back against the couch and cradles you to his chest, his arms secured around you.

He moves his face close to yours, noses brushing and lips delicate.

“Stay with me,” you whisper.

His lips trace your jaw and stop just below your ear. He places a soft kiss to the spot before whispering, “I’m not goin' anywhere.”

@lizette50 @hiddles-rose @blackwidownat2814 @kmc1989

[marscardigan]

through the valley, part vi

through the valley masterlist

summary: what if Joel didn’t lie? what if there was more people immune? more people like ellie? more people like you?

word count: 2.2k

warnings: this fic doesn’t follow the original plot from tlou part II. canon typical violence. murder and blood.

The next day, you woke up in Ellie's arms. It was cold outside, and even though you loved your dress, you were freezing underneath it. That is why Ellie said it would be better for you to sleep by her side - but deep inside you knew Ellie wanted it as much as you did. None of you spoke about it, though. Instead, you told her about Isaac, and how he caused the murder of your mother, and this war between the two groups.

You told her how much you wanted him dead, to suffer, and Ellie knew that feeling too well. The both of you tracked down Isaac’s hideout. You knew the wolves were planning to attack the island, but when you saw the trucks, you realized it was sooner than you may have anticipated. You were hiding behind a container when Ellie saw you shivering, and put her hand on your thigh, smiling at you for comfort.

The plan was simple: sneak in, get to Isaac, and end him. Ellie motioned toward a side entrance, her eyes scanning the area for patrols. You both moved quietly, the crunch of gravel underfoot, barely audible over the sound of the rain. The air was thick with tension, and every step felt like it carried the weight of your past and future combined. She paused at the base of a fire escape, looking up at the rusted ladder, motioning for you to stay put while she climbed up to check for a way in. You crouched behind a stack of crates, your eyes flickering between her figure and the surrounding area.

Suddenly, Ellie froze mid-climb, her head tilting as she listened. You heard it too—a faint rustling, the soft shuffle of boots on dirt. Ellie dropped silently back down, her face tense as she whispered, “We’ve got company.”

Before you could respond, the first shadow appeared around the corner, followed by another, and another. Seraphites. They moved with the eerie grace you’d come to associate with them. Ellie gripped your arm, pulling you further into the shadows. “We can’t let them get in there first,” you hissed. “If they find Isaac…”

She nodded, fingers tightening around her weapon. “We’ll cut through them.” The first soldiers who stepped to stop you were easy to kill. And when you encrusted the axe in the last soldier standing, Ellie smirked, a dark glint in her eyes. “That’s my girl.”

The two of you waited for the Scars to pass, your breaths synchronized in the stillness. As the last one moved ahead, Ellie gave you a quick nod. Together, you crept out of the shadows, your steps silent but deliberate.

The first scar didn’t see it coming. Ellie’s knife was quick, precise, and merciless. You followed her lead, your movements fueled by a mix of fear and determination.

But stealth only lasted so long. The moment one of them spotted Ellie, chaos erupted. Shouts filled the air, and you found yourself ducking behind cover as arrows and bullets flew.

“Keep moving!” Ellie shouted, her voice cutting through the noise. “We’ve gotta get to that door!”

You ran as fast as you could, legs hurting. Bullets whizzed past, some so close you could feel the heat as they tore through the air. Ellie was right behind you, her gun blazing as she covered your advance. But there were too many of them, and even if you arrived to Isaac, scars would find you sooner or later.

Ellie cursed under her breath, “We don’t have time for this!” she growled. She grabbed your arm, forcing you to look at her. “Listen to me. You go. Now.”

“What? No, Ellie, I—”

“I’ll handle them,” she interrupted, already turning back toward the attackers. “You’ve gotta get to Isaac before they do. You know why we’re here. I owe you, anyway.”

Your throat tightened, a protest bubbling up, but you swallowed it down. She was right. This wasn’t just about revenge—it was about stopping Isaac before he caused more destruction. But leaving her behind felt like ripping out a piece of yourself.

“Ellie…” Your voice cracked, barely audible over the gunfire.

She gave you a quick, sharp smile, one that didn’t reach her eyes. “I’ll be fine. Just go, okay? I’ll catch up.” With a shaky nod, you turned and bolted for the door, your heart hammering in your chest.

You reached a stairwell, the metal steps groaning under your weight as you ascended. Your breath came in short, sharp gasps, your mind racing with worry about Ellie. But you couldn’t let yourself falter.

At the top of the stairs, you found yourself in a wide corridor, its walls lined with flickering fluorescent lights. The sound of voices reached your ears—Isaac’s soldiers, their tone urgent and panicked. You pressed yourself against the wall, edging closer to the source of the noise. Peering around the corner, you spotted a group of wolves gathered near a reinforced door. Isaac had to be in there.

The soldiers were arguing, their attention divided. You saw your chance and took it, slipping into a side room while they weren’t looking. Through a crack in the wall, you saw the soldiers barking orders and scanning the area. There were too many to take head-on, especially without Ellie by your side.

Your grip tightened on your weapon as you weighed your options. You couldn’t afford to wait, not with Isaac so close. You had to be smart. Quick. Ruthless. You kissed the cross that rested on your neck, and taking profit of two soldiers going after scars, you entered the room where Isaac was. Shooting a wolf that was with him in the head made him turn to you with fear in his eyes. He tried to grab his pistol, but you shot him in his hand, blood everywhere. The blast was heard outside, but the door was secured. There was no way to enter.

"You…" Isaac breathed. "You were supposed to be dead." Instead of answering him, you tied him to a chair as he whispered pleads. Empty promises about everything you may yearn for, money, food, weapons, everything.

You didn't care about all of that. You were too busy sharpening your machete to hear him. When Isaac saw how his words weren't being heard by you, he tried to threaten you, making you laugh. You grabbed roughly his chin, and you could feel him shiver beneath your touch. "You should've killed me when you had the chance"

Your lips got closer to his ear. "I am going… to eat your heart raw… and then I'll hang you in front of your people to show them how weak their leader is"

He started crying, still begging for forgiveness, and started blaming your mother, how she got what she deserved. You slapped him. "You didn't even kill her yourself, you pussy. You sent soldiers to do it" The first stab was in his leg. You pouted at his pained expression. "Poor Isaac, not being capable to do things himself and making other people do the dirty work"

Every second that passed, it seemed the door would break. You knelt in front of him, forcing him to look at you. "I would love to stay here and make you suffer, but I don't have enough time" You stabbed him again, this time in his chest. "May she guide you through the storm, motherfucker."

Ellie didn’t know what to do . She knew she couldn't hide inside that closet forever, that they would find her eventually. She just hoped they would find her before they found you. It wasn't until she heard a scar warn his partner about what was going on the top floor. Wolves trying to enter a room where their leader was, where they heard gunshots. It had to be you.

And if Ellie could do something - anything - to help you, she would do it without hesitation. So she came out of her hideout and shot one of them in his head. The woman, rising her bow, started alerting the others, whistling heavily so she could be heard.

"Shit shit shit shit" was what Ellie kept repeating, running from them. She got out of the building, but one was lucky and aimed right, and his arrow was shot in her leg, making her lose the balance and falling, one of them grabbed her shirt, and he pressed her body into the wall. Ellie remembers thinking about you, if you were alright, safe and sound. But her question answered itself when she heard a whistle. The scar's whistle, your whistle.

Taking aback, you raised your bow and shot him in the head, letting Ellie breathe again. You got closer to her, and the redhead could see your beautiful dress, now covered in damp blood. When you saw her scared look, you were fast to respond, "Don't worry, it's not mine" Ellie put her head close to your chest, still breathing fast.

Your name was heard behind you, and you felt completely paralyzed. "Stand up"

You did as you were told, slowly, and turning back, now facing Emily, who had aiming her shotgun right between your eyes. Ellie grabbed hers as well, taking profit of the woman's surprise.

"What are you doing out here?" Emily sounded almost angry, gripping her weapon. "What happened to you?"

You didn't answer, because you truly didn't know. The woman's braids looked between Ellie and you, shaking with rage. "Remember your sins" She mumbled, "You can still be forgiven for them if you act rightly." the scars on your back felt fresh again. You didn't want more, and you certainly didn't want to go back, now you were sure of it

"I remember them, and now I embrace them"

Emily looked like she would throw up, narrowed eyes looking at you with disbelief. "You are a sinner, just like them!" She shouted, pointing at Ellie now. "I am a sinner, but that isn't new, is it?" You mimicked her disgusted expression, getting closer to her. Emily aimed at you again, but you could almost feel her pulse rushing.

"Think about what your mother would say" She breathed.

"But she isn't here, right?" You jumped at her, moving her weapon and throwing her against the wall. You strangled Emily, angry at her, angry at yourself. She stopped breathing, but you still grabbed her neck. Ellie tried to talk you out, but you were fiercely pierced into Emily's body. It were the shouts of more seraphites coming what took you off. You stood up, and grabbed Ellie's hand, following her.

None of you talked about what happened until you reached a cabin far from there. The night creeped in, and with the help of the lake near you, you cleaned your dress, leaving you with your underwear.

Ellie could feel how lost you were, fingers shivering, not looking at her in the eye. She tried to talk to you, to tell you how she understood your feelings, and she had so many questions, but she didn't have the guts to tell you, at least now.

When you came back, you breathed in, and sat down by Ellie's side, resting your head in her shoulder. You were still shivering, even with the redhead's jacket. Ellie could've sworn her heart stopped when you got closer to her - if that was even possible - and could feel your breaths in her neck.

"What, what meant that woman about... about your sins?" She dared to ask, still nervous from your touch. You stayed a few minutes in silence, trying to find the right words to say.

"There is... a lot you don't know about me, Els. I didn't follow our traditions, I followed my heart." Your voice was filled with frustration.

"You know you can tell me, right?" Ellie whispered, kissing the top of your head. That action alone made you almost cry. This was wrong. But then you remembered Natalie's words, This isn't bad. We love each other. What's wrong with that?

"I... I fell in love with someone"

Ellie fell silent, brows furrowed. Before she could think about how that was wrong, you anticipated her questions.

"I fell in love with a girl" You said, voice trembling. But when Ellie looked at you, she didn't seem repulsed by it, only a look of confusion was plastered in her beautiful green eyes. She gave you a soft grip on the hip, encouraging to continue. "Her name was Natalie. She showed me what love truly meant, even if at that time I didn-t see it that way"

"She was killed by her sins, because they found out we loved each other."

Ellie mourned a girl she never met, because she could feel every emotion that ran through your body. She still didn't say a word, only her eyes spoke a sincerity you never perceived before.

"I'm sorry" She said, minutes after. She dried your tears and kissed the crown of your hair again. Your eyes shifted between her eyes and her lips. She looked so... ethereal. So pure, so humanly perfect. You wanted to kiss her. But that thought alone made your skin start to burn. Why did your skin start to burn?

When Ellie saw how you started to get spiraled on your head over and over again, she did what she should've had done days before. She grabbed your chin with her usual soft touch, and connected her lips with yours.

Your skin stopped burning, and your head stopped spiraling. Closing your eyes, you kissed her back.

taglist!

@vahnilla @antobooh @liasxeatt @rhyrhy @autisticintr0vert @culuvr @sevyscoven

[dumbbitchenergy17]

Where the Wild Things Are - Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve: My Enemy I Love

Plot: Wild men or monstrous infected creatures, the world is wild and ravaged by Cordecyps but some are raised in it and flourish becoming a wild thing.

Word Count: 2.8K

Pairing: Joel Miller x Platonic!Teen!Reader, Ellie Williams x Platonic!Reader

Warnings: canon-typical fighting/violence, injuries, harsh language, tw: TORTURE (BURNS), ANXIETY ATTACKS/RESPONSE, trauma from abusive mother, description of child neglect/abuse, GROSS MEN ALERT!

—————

Pourquoi ton prénom me blesse. Quand il se cache juste là dans l'espace? C'est quelle émotion, la haine ou la douceur, quand j'entends ton prénom?

It’s a bit harder braiding Lila’s hair with the cut healing on your palm but you made do. You sat on the couch while she sat on the floor between your legs playing with some toys given to her by members of the community.

“Then we took turns counting. I got to sixty-two!” She says and you smile tying the end of the one long braid with a band.

“Woah that’s pretty high,” You say smoothing out any stray hairs and she giggles at the tickling sensation.

“How high can you count?” She asks turning to face you and you smile swiping away the leftover crumbs on her puffy cheeks.

“Definitely not that high,” You say before helping her stand, “Alright all done!” You say and she runs over to the mirror in the hallway and you hear a squeal of excitement.

“I love it!” She runs back into the living room where you’re cleaning up and she crashes into you with a hug, “I love you Y/n,” It’s so innocent and you grow quiet as you hold her. You feel something churning in your stomach it was different when your mother said it with an emptiness to it that you’re used to but with Lila, it’s so genuine it feels wrong. Her small face scrunches as she reaches her hand up.

“You got an ouchie,” Her finger points at her mouth and your hand covers the partial split lip you have.

“It’s alright just an accident I was clumsy,” You say giving a smile that causes pain stretching your lips. “Come on let’s get you to meet up with your friends. Can’t keep them waiting,” Lila accepting the reason bounds to the door bouncing on her feet as you grab your pack slinging it over your shoulder. The second the door opens she’s bounding down the steps to the street excited to meet the kids she’s become friends with.

“Don’t run!” You say as she stops looking back at you following her before continuing her quick speed-walk skipping through the street. A soft smile creeps on your face, despite everything going on in this fucked up world few still saw the good, and truly the innocent still live like the world never ended. The small playground was built for the children beside the Tipsy Bison comes into view along with the sound of kids and Lila squeals rushing ahead and you let her. Reaching the fence that separates the playground from the street leaning against it watching the kids play. You catch flashes of Lila running amongst the kids playing games, a wide grin and laughter spilling freely from her. For a moment she trips landing on the mulch and you almost hop the fences but she takes the fall with stride quickly getting up and laughing it off running off to join the group. You settle back though still keeping an eye on her.

“Woah girl!” A familiar voice calls out and you see people move quickly out of the way of the quickly approaching horse to the playground. You smile seeing Red ignore her rider stopping before you letting a huff of air frustrated by your absence.

“Hi Red,” You hold out the back of your palm and she sniffs it before letting you pet her.

“She’s been extra grumpy since you’ve left the stables,” Joel calls out from atop her he also takes note of the split lip that is crusted over. You nod retrieving an apple from your pack that was meant to be your lunch and feeding it to Red who happily accepts. The sound of two other horses appear and you see it’s Tommy and Ellie on their mounts.

“Joel what the! Oh, that’s where she was heading,” Tommy trails off noticing you are there. It’s a bit awkward while you spoke to Joel since the big blowout you haven’t conversated with Tommy and especially Maria. The moment is broken by Lila’s little feet pattering over to the fence practically climbing up it.

“Horsies! Y/n it’s horsies!” She jumps on the fence and you reach over the railing pulling her up to sit on top of it.

“Lila this is Red,” You introduce your sister to the large creature, and Lila shrinks away a bit especially being this close. “It’s okay she’s not going to hurt you. She’s a big sweetheart,” You hold out Lila’s hand palm out and Red slowly leans forward sniffing her hand before pushing her snout further into it.

“See she likes you.” You smile down at Lila who shakes in excitement softly stroking her nose. Joel has a soft smile at the moment you share with your sister. He isn’t sure he’s ever seen you this soft-spoken and gentle with anyone before. While you still looked drained being around Lila brought a hint of life back into you. Joel glances at his brother and surrogate daughter seeing the similar looks that he too shared.

“I’m sure if you came back to working at the stables Lila would love to meet all the horses,” Tommy mentions and you look over at him surprised by the offer. Part of you wants to say yes, to have a reason to be out of that horse, a moment of peace of quiet.

“Please Y/n! I wanna meet all the horsies!” Lila begs shaking your arm and you steady her so she doesn’t fall off the railing.

“I don’t know…” You say rubbing the back of your neck. You would have time for yourself self but if you were gone then who would watch after Lila when your parents were home? There was never a moment when Lila was alone with your parents always being in the house. Too many fears of what could happen if you left them be, you saw how she was before they came to Jackson scruffy and dirty but here she was being taken care of…she was protected.

“Y/n!” The sharp shout sends you on alert and even the horses sense the change in atmosphere as Red gets a bit antsy until Joel calms her down pulling away. They're coming down the street is your parents. “We come back from our job and you leave the house in complete disarray?” Your mother says and you know she’s trying to embarrass you but it hurts even more that she’s lying straight through her teeth. Her sharp gaze moves to her other daughter who is held on the railing.

“Why is Lila dressed like that are you trying to get her sick, it’s way too cold to be out like this!” She scolds you practically ripping Lila from your arms.

“It’s not even cold she’s be running around—” “I don’t wanna hear it!” She spats and you can smell the liquor off her breath. She’s drunk and that only meant one thing. You were fucked when you got home.

“Let’s go.” Your father grabs you and Red makes an agitated noise. You try shrugging his tight grip on your shoulder but he only pushes you forward to move and you almost trip. It’s sudden and out of nowhere Joel coming and shoving your father away from you.

“Don’t touch her like that.” Joel growls and Tommy is immediately off his horse holding his brother back.

“Don’t tell me how to handle my kid.” Your father spits back the two men getting face to face and you know sooner or later punches will be thrown.

“Joel stop it! Let’s just take a step back!” Tommy tries defusing the situation and you shove yourself between the two men pushing Joel away and he stumbles a bit back. He has a shocked expression on his face and is almost a bit hurt.

“Joel stop,” You say shakily, “Please just don’t.” He can see what reads on your face, ‘You’ll only make it worse’. It seemed like it was pretty out in the air the relationship with your parents. There was no point trying to hide what goes on behind closed doors but they couldn’t do much if you didn’t want their help. Joel feels his anger rise again seeing the snarky look your father sends him.

“Learn to mind your business Joel,” He says before forcing you to walk away leaving Joel, Tommy, and Ellie to watch the dysfunctional and highly harmful environment you and Lila were in take you away.

“We can’t just let them leave.” Joel hisses and Tommy has to keep a hand on his shoulder as they watch you disappear down the street.

“Joel we can’t just take them,” Tommy says weakly and his brother whips around to face him.

“You know what they do to her!” Joel shoves a finger into his chest, “And you just want me to sit aside and act blind?!”

“I’m not saying that Joel!” Tommy retorts, “I care about her as much as you do…just give me time to figure something out.”

“We don’t have time,” Joel responds and his brother knows they are right. The longer they wait the possibility of the more harm you’ll end up in increases. Tommy sighs rubbing his face.

“Just give me tonight okay,” He offers and Joel bristles even having to wait that long, “Then you can go all rescue.” Joel huffs in agreement crossing his arms.

“You have until sundown.”

The door to the house slams open as your mother carrying Lila heads to her bedroom, your father shoves you into the spotless living room and you send a glare over your shoulder. He moves lean against the doorway as you hear the sound of your mother coming down the stairs. She stalks in silently an unclear look on her face.

“Mom why would you li—” Your head snaps to the right, a loud crack when her palm makes contact with your cheek. Your skin burns from it, tears well up from the contact and you can feel your split lip reopen.

“Don’t you ever backtalk to me you understand me you little shit?!” She spats flecks of spit landing on your face and you recoil back, “Who the fuck do you think you are embarrassing me in front of them. Do you know how to raise my child better?” She shoves you back and you stumble your back digs into the fireplace mantle cringing at the pressure. That’ll bruise. The rational part of you curls your hands into fists to defend yourself, but the part of your mind still wrapped around your mother’s finger tells you just to take your punishment. She notices your balled-up hands and the flash of irritation.

“You wanna hit me huh?” She goads you holding her arms out, “You wanna hit your mother come it do it. Hit me!” You shake your hands your fist still curled your nails digging into your palm, the cut on your palm screaming in pain.

“I’m not going to hit you.” You say and she scoffs.

“Oh so I’m a horrible mother who hits their children is that it!” She asks and you shake your head feeling the tears of frustration.

“I’m not saying that,” “Shut up!” She explodes and it’s silent between you two. You briefly glance at your father who stands there his arms cross not interfering. Is this what you wanted from your father, to just stand aside and let your mother harass you? Why couldn’t he be more like Joel, standing in to defend you?

“You are a fucking disappointment you know that.” She says and your throat tightens up and you shake your head making her laugh, “You don’t think that? You think you are the best there is. I should’ve let you fucking starve as a child.” You shrink into yourself at her jabs.

“Why do you think I had Lila? To replace what a horrible daughter I was burdened with.” She spats and you don’t know why that hit much worse than any insult she’s thrown at you. “Really tears you think I'll pity you?” You are shaking like a leaf, tears pour down your face and you desperately wipe it away.

“You know what...I think you haven’t learned,” She says and you can sense the malice in her tone. A shiver of fear of what she is capable of. She moves out of the living room and you see her open a drawer pulling out something, “I know something that’ll make you understand.”

You see the small box with a faded label, though it’s not something you recognize when she opens it a cold rush of water runs through you when you spot the tiny sticks. You sprint trying to get to the door when a hand snatches at your hair ripping you back. A scream rips from your throat but you are slammed against the corner of the wall and your vision goes dark.

Instant pain rushes through you and a scream tears through your throat though muffled by a rag stuffed in your mouth. The sound of the stick being pressed against your flesh and the sizzling sound and smell of burnt flesh as you thrash in what you notice as restraints. Another scream rips through you trying to arch away from the stick being pressed and held for a few seconds onto your stomach. Tears blur your vision and you're hyperventilating unable to catch your breath.

“Stop squirming!” Your mother hisses. Above you see your father sending you a sickening smile and you almost hurl seeing him palms his crotch over his jeans.

“Do you think when you’re done I can get a moment with her,” Your father says and you cry when he strokes your hair, “Call it father/daughter bonding time.”

“I don’t give a fuck she isn’t yours.” Your mother hisses and your eyes widen at the confession. She notices your reaction and smiles, “What you really thought he’s your father? God, you really are an idiot for believing that.” You thrash in your restraints another scream rips from you as the stick is pressed down against this time for up to ten seconds and you’re sure your vision went white. Your vision returns and you are gasping for air between sobs. A harsh knocks come from the door and your mother pauses and goes open the door, you use the chance to take in your surroundings. It looks like a basement with one window high on the wall that looks like the outside but low on the ground.

“The others are ready when you are.” Someone says before they speak again, “What are you going to do with her?”

“Just prepping her for tonight,” Your mother says and you’re confused about what she means by that. She reenters your field of vision, “You know I was surprised when they described the ‘wild woman from the cabin’ I had to know who they were.” Your eyes widen dramatically at that name. Only the Raiders knew of that title but—

“Understanding it now? You know when they got the jump on you that winter storm until Joel and Tommy showed up. I mean you did kill Derek’s brother and I was going to finish you off but then I realized who you were and decided on an even better idea.” She says with a wicked grin and you look at the now dangerous look of the man you thought was your father or Derek gives you, “Let you get comfortable then find a reason to allow us inside Jackson and learn everything we need to know about it. I didn’t think Tommy would let a group of strangers in but you just so happen to have Lila and all it took was one word from you and we were in.”

You thrash in your restraints snarling and she presses another stick to your flesh releasing another scream, “So now we’re going to kill everyone and then kill you.” She says before stepping back.

“I wanna thank you. The only time you’ve done some good for me daughter,” She says reaching under the table and producing a pistol cocking it back, and also grabbing a shotgun and tossing it over at Derek. “I’ll be sure to send Joel your regards before he dies. I’m sure he’d like to know his daughter in his final moments.” You freeze at the bomb just dropped. Joel…Joel Miller the man who you’ve been at odds with since the beginning was your father. It was an overload of information as every interaction, every conversation, everything was with your father… Why didn’t you notice the similarity? Did the others notice it?

‘You know she kinda reminds me of you. Not sure if that’s a good thing, you are a pain in my ass.’ You remember Tommy saying that to Joel but none of you took it seriously.

“Get comfortable Y/n,” Your mother says as they head to the door, “Get your final thoughts in order before we come back.” The room is bathed in darkness as the door slams closed. You had to get out here and warn everyone. You need to save Maria, Tommy, and Liam, protect Ellie, you had to keep Lila alive from your horrible mother, you need to warn Joel…your father.

Where the Wild Things Are Tags

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If your name is crossed out tumblr won’t let me tag you for some reason. Sorry :(

[mads-weasley]

Everything

Joel Miller x Wife!Reader

Masterlist

A/N: I absolutely LOVE the Last of Us and had to write something for Joel! I do not own any of the rights to these characters except (y/n). Enjoy!

Summary: After a rough day, (y/n) shares a soft moment with her husband.

Warnings: mentions of road rage attack? total fluff central

September 25th, 2003: 24 Hours Before Outbreak

The bright Texan sun was shining down on (Y/n) Miller as she was on her way to the grocery store with Sarah in the passenger seat. With the windows down, they blasted their favorite new hit song, Red Dirt Road by Brooks & Dunn.

"Oh, I've come to know, there's life at both ends," the (y/h/c) woman sang, pretending to hold a mic to her lips.

Sarah stuck her hand out the window, her curls flying in the wind as she finished the lyric. "Of that red dirt road."

The pair were pulled from their jam session when the car in front of them slammed on brakes, causing (y/n) to do so as well, shooting an arm out in front of Sarah.

"You okay?" She asked breathlessly, holding back a curse at the driver. "And that's why you're not gonna tailgate people when you start driving, right?"

The teen rolled her eyes with a smile and put her hand over her heart. "Scout's honor."

Playfully scoffing, (y/n) looked around the car, only to see nothing in the way. Beeping the horn quickly, she groaned. "Seriously. What's the hold up here?"

Her question was answered when the driver quickly got out of the car and angrily stalked toward the pair. (Y/n) checked around her, looking for a way to get away quickly.

"Sarah," she whispered. "Roll up your window, now."

When the man was halfway to their car when he stopped and turned around. Her heart began to beat again.

She looked at Sarah with a shaky smile. "Okay, maybe he's over it."

The young girl's eyes widened as she frantically pointed in front of them. "(Y/n)!"

Snapping her eyes forward, she cursed at the sight of the man with a baseball bat.

"Hold on," (y/n) yelled, jerking into oncoming traffic to get away. Once they passed the man, she got back in their lane, hearts pounding. Had just a simple beep set the man off?

"What just happened?" Sarah asked, still gripping the handle above her car door.

Shaking away her fear, (y/n) reached over and took her hand gently

"I don't know, but we're okay. How about we just go home. I all of a sudden don't feel like going to the store."

A silent nod was all the response she needed to head back home. After the girls' scary ordeal, she just wanted to be in the safe presence of her husband.

At the familiar rumble of a truck engine, (y/n)'s heart jumped. She and Sarah were on the couch watching 10 Things I Hate About You when Joel opened the door.

"Girls?" He called, taking off his filthy work boots.

Sarah perked up, and yelled back, "In the living room!"

A few seconds later, he walked into the room with a tired smile, plopping down in the small space between them.

"And how are my girls doing today?" he asked, pulling them closer to him.

Sarah's eyes widened. "(Y/n) and I were on th-"

Not wanting to worry Joel, (y/n) shook her head quickly from behind him. The girl's brows furrowed slightly but caught on.

"-the way home and guess what song came on?" She asked.

"Hmm," he hummed, scrunching his face overdramatically. "Was it Red Dirt Road?"

"How did you know that!?" (Y/n) laughed, slapping his arm playfully.

"I don't know. Probably because it was the one you were humming when I first got over here, honey."

The trio broke into a fit of giggles that ended when Joel got up.

"Don't move. I'll be back in a minute."

As soon as Joel was out of the room, Sarah turned to (y/n). "Why can't we tell dad about earlier?"

"You know how worked up he gets, Sar," she sighed. "I just don't want to worry him."

"Okay. I won't tell him, but I think you should."

"I'll tell him la-"

She was cut off by Joel's voice calling from the hallway. "Who's ready for some supper?"

After they ate supper, Sarah went off to finish homework while (y/n) cleaned up. As she was reaching for dishes to put the leftovers in, a pair of hands snaked around her waist, pulling her back into a warm embrace.

"I missed you today," Joel murmured, his face buried in her neck.

"I missed you too, babe..."

A few seconds passed and she knew she needed to tell him what happened. Turning around in his arms, (y/n) placed her hands on his chest.

"So, something happened today. I don't want you to stress out or worry, bu-"

"Well, now I'm definitely gonna," he interrupted.

"Sar' and I were on the way to the grocery store when the guy in front of us stopped out of nowhere. I couldn't go around him because there was traffic, so I hit the horn. And then he got out of the car."

(Y/n) could feel his body tense up, and she was reminded why she wanted to spare him the details of the encounter.

"We thought he was going to get back into his car, but he pulled out a baseball bat, Joel. I didn't even think, I just got us out of there as soon as I could. Sarah was my number one priority and," she faltered, her throat closing up. "-and I was so scared."

He pulled her into his chest fully, resting his chin on the top of her head. "I'm so sorry, (y/n/n). You should have called me."

Joel was shaking with anger, but contained it, knowing it would only make his wife more upset. "I know. I just didn't want to worry you."

"Worry me? Sweetheart, I am your husband, and you can tell me anything, no matter what."

(Y/n) sighed, pulling back with tears in her eyes. "I love you so much."

A single tear trickled down her face, and Joel wiped it away with his thumb as he cupped her cheek softly. "I love you, too. You and Sarah are everything to me."

Feeling his rough hands caress her face so gently, she placed hers over them. "Sarah's getting too big. I can't believe it's been almost two years since we tied the knot."

"Don't remind me," he whispered, rolling his eyes. "The sass gets worse every day."

His expression suddenly became serious. "You know, I don't think I've ever seen her this happy. Heck, I've never been this happy. You complete our family, (y/n)."

"I've never been this happy either."

She leaned in and rested her forehead against his before connecting their lips. Joel's hands on her waist pulled her closer as he deepened the kiss. At the sound of feet padding down the hallway, he pulled away with a groan.

"Don't stop on account of me," Sarah chimed with a smirk, grabbing a yogurt from the fridge." She started to turn back towards her room but stopped and pulled the couple into a tight hug.

"I am happier, dad. I love you both."

The man laughed, patting his daughter's hair affectionately. "We love you, too. Now, how long have you been listening, baby girl?"

Sarah held up her pointer finger, smiling sheepishly. "I'm gonna have to plead the fifth."

Pulling away, she glanced at the clock on the stove as she walked away. "You enjoy your last few hours as a 35-year-old, you old geezer."

Joel glanced at his wife with an amused smile. "Can you believe her?"

"I mean you are pretty old, Mr. Miller," (y/n) teased, shrugging her shoulders.

Before she could move, he threw her over his shoulder, running toward their room.

"Old, huh?"

The woman squealed, smacking playfully against his back. "Joel! Put me down!"

"No can do, Mrs. Miller."

[sageluvsjoel]

A Birthday to Remember

(Part Three to "A Different Kind of Miracle")

jackson!joel miller x reader x autistic! daughter

Requested HERE

masterlist

summary: You and Joel celebrate your daughter’s birthday in Jackson and have to navigate it together.

wc: 1.3k

likes, reblogs and comments are greatly appreciated!

i do not authorize plagiarism or copying of my work!

It was the first birthday she could really understand. Your daughter was now three, and this birthday felt like a turning point. She was growing fast, becoming more aware of the world around her—and her place in it. So you and Joel had decided to throw her a small party, just a gathering of close friends and neighbors in Jackson. Nothing too big. Nothing too overwhelming. At least, that was the plan.

The sun hung low over the town, casting a golden light across the square as people trickled into your yard. It was a perfect day for a birthday—warm but not too hot, the breeze carrying the faint scent of the flowers that lined the fences. You’d set up a long table with snacks and decorations, a simple cake in the center with her name written in soft, delicate icing.

Joel stood off to the side, watching as you helped her with some colorful balloons, her small hands grasping at the strings with delight. You caught his eye and smiled, your heart swelling with warmth. It wasn’t just the party or the weather—it was seeing her so happy, so alive. Joel had been more anxious than usual today, though he’d been trying not to show it. Birthdays, especially after everything that had happened in his life, were both a blessing and a source of quiet fear. He was grateful for every day she grew older, but the thought of her growing up in a world like this gnawed at him.

As more people arrived, the little yard began to fill with soft chatter and laughter. Tommy showed up first, bringing along Maria, who had a gift in hand wrapped in bright, mismatched paper. Ellie was close behind, holding a small stuffed animal she’d been saving for this occasion. She gave a mock sigh as she handed it over to your daughter, who beamed up at her with wide eyes. “Happy birthday, kiddo. You better like that, took me forever to find it.”

Joel chuckled at that, ruffling Ellie’s hair. “She’ll love it, don’t you worry.”

Ellie grinned, but her eyes shifted to Joel’s daughter, watching her with a mix of amusement and affection. The bond between them had been slow to grow, but it was solid now, the way big sisters and little sisters naturally were. Even though Ellie was rough around the edges, there was a softness she reserved just for her.

The party started off small, just as you’d hoped—your daughter flitting around the yard, alternating between her new toys and the few kids who came by with their parents. She stayed close to you and Joel, her face lighting up every time someone handed her a gift or said, “Happy Birthday.” You could see she was happy, in her own quiet way. But the closer it got to the cake, the more she started to cling to you, her small fingers wrapping around your arm.

“She alright?” Joel asked softly, watching as she tugged at your shirt, wanting to be held.

“She’s fine, I think,” you said, though you could feel the tension creeping in. Her behavior was subtle, but you knew the signs—she was starting to get overwhelmed.

Ellie nudged Joel’s side. “It’s cake time, right? We gonna sing or what?”

Joel’s face twitched, torn between the moment and the anxiety that had been brewing in his chest all day. He glanced at you, and you gave him a nod, signaling that everything was okay, for now.

“Alright, let’s do it,” he said, forcing a smile.

The cake was placed in front of her on the table, the small crowd gathering around to sing. You watched her carefully, her wide eyes scanning the room, her fingers tapping on the edge of the table in that way she always did when she was anxious. The moment the first note of “Happy Birthday” was sung, you felt her body stiffen next to you.

“Happy birthday to you…”

The noise, the attention, the sudden burst of voices all around her—it was too much. Her eyes darted around the group, her breathing quickening, and before the song was halfway through, she let out a small, high-pitched whine, her hands flying up to cover her ears.

“Happy birthday, dear—”

Suddenly, she let out a loud sob, and the song came to an awkward, stumbling halt.

Your heart clenched as she buried her face in your chest, her small body trembling, the meltdown hitting hard and fast. Joel’s eyes went wide with panic, his hands hovering helplessly for a second before he rushed over.

“Hey, hey, baby girl,” Joel said softly, kneeling down beside you. “It’s okay, it’s okay. We’re right here.”

The crowd backed away, giving her space, but their concerned murmurs filled the air, making the atmosphere feel heavy and stifling. You held her tightly, whispering soothing words as you rocked her gently.

“I’ve got you,” you murmured. “It’s okay, sweetheart. It’s just too much, I know. I know.”

Joel shot a glance at Ellie, who was standing nearby, her face a mix of worry and confusion. “Ellie, can you—”

“On it,” Ellie muttered, already stepping in to quietly usher people away from the table, shooing them with her hands. “Alright, folks, party’s over here. Move along, nothing to see.”

Tommy and Maria helped her clear the area, and soon the space was quiet again, the voices fading into the distance as people moved to the other side of the yard, giving your family privacy.

Joel reached out, rubbing small circles on your daughter’s back as she continued to cry, her little fists clenched tightly in your shirt. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, his voice tight with guilt. “I didn’t think—”

“It’s not your fault,” you said softly, shaking your head. “We both thought it’d be okay. Sometimes… it just happens.”

He swallowed hard, his eyes filled with that same helplessness you’d seen too many times before. “I hate seein’ her like this.”

“I know,” you whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “But we’ll get through it. We always do.”

It took time—long, slow minutes of calming her down, of rocking her back and forth, of speaking to her in soft tones. Her crying eventually slowed to sniffles, her body relaxing in your arms as she curled up against you, utterly drained. She wasn’t fully back yet—she was still lost in her own world, overwhelmed by everything—but the worst of the storm had passed.

Joel reached out, brushing a lock of hair away from her damp cheeks. “You’re okay, baby girl,” he whispered. “You’re safe.”

Ellie came back over, a small, sheepish grin on her face as she crouched down next to you. “Think I scared everyone off,” she said, her voice quieter than usual. “You guys okay?”

Joel nodded, though his expression was still tight, his shoulders tense. “Yeah… I think so.”

“She didn’t like the singing,” Ellie said with a small shrug. “Can’t say I blame her. That was a lot of voices.”

You let out a quiet laugh, even though your heart was still heavy with the aftermath of the meltdown. “Yeah, it was.”

Ellie glanced at your daughter, who was now resting her head against your chest, her eyes half-closed. “You want me to grab her some cake? No singing this time, promise.”

Joel let out a soft chuckle, shaking his head. “Thanks, Ellie. But maybe later.”

Ellie gave a mock salute and wandered off, leaving the three of you in the quiet of the yard. You and Joel exchanged a look—one filled with all the unspoken words you didn’t need to say. This wasn’t easy. It never would be. But you had each other. And as much as the world had thrown at you, you’d learned how to weather the storms together.

“I think next year, maybe we keep it small,” you suggested, rubbing gentle circles on your daughter’s back.

Joel nodded slowly, his hand still resting on her shoulder. “Yeah… small sounds good.”

But for now, all that mattered was that she was here, safe in your arms. The rest of the world could wait.

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[brighttears]

Stranger Chapter 5

Joel Miller x f!reader

No physical description

Summary: Joel’s first morning in Jackson, he enjoys a hearty breakfast before you pop in front of him, asking to have a conversation. It goes differently than how he feared it would—better, but also, you break down. He gets to be there for you, and it fills him with relief, sorrow for your woes, and culminates in the depths of his love for you.

Word count: 5.2k

Warnings: Joel hates himself (looks like we have a theme going here), brief talk of violence and self harm, negative self talk from reader (name calling: freak, monster, damaged)

A/n: finally!!! A break from the heartbreak kinda!!! yay!!!!

series masterlist

@drewharrisonwriter

—

Joel stirs from sleep gently this time, blinking his eyes open and staring at the ceiling for a moment, before slowly sitting up. It’s still a bit dazing to look around and see a normal bedroom. It’s a strange feeling. Reminds him of before. 

After a soft sigh through his nose, Joel stretches, joints popping, tired muscles groaning into consciousness. 

He gets up slowly, shuffling out of the bedroom, trying the wrong door before finally finding the bathroom. He turns on the tap, leaning his hands on the porcelain for a moment as he watches the clear liquid flood down the drain before splashing cold water over his face. When he looks up, his reflection is almost startling, so clear and unadulterated in the clean, flat mirror. He looks like shit. More wrinkles than he remembers, dark bags swept under his eyes, complexion pale from the winter. He’s lost weight, too. And he feels like shit, the last few months having taken a toll on him. With a sigh, he turns away, grabbing a towel to wipe his face before leaving the bathroom to creak downstairs. 

In the kitchen, he grabs a glass from the fourth cabinet that he’s opened to find one, before filling it with cold water and gulping it down, not realizing just how thirsty he is until the first drop hits his tongue. Setting it down, his brow pinches as he tries to think of why the hell he’s so god damn parched, and then he remembers the crying fit, and lets out a quiet groan, pressing a hand into his forehead as he leans against the counter. 

“Fuck.” He mumbles under his breath. He has no idea how his little incident has colored your mind, unsure if it has maybe softened you a bit, or made you resent him more, or lose a fuck ton of respect for him. He can only imagine it’s the latter. There he was, Joel motherfucking Miller, the guy who has pressed so hard that he’s the protector, always trying to appear so stoically strong, impenetrable, breaking down like a baby, crying into your bosom about how much he misses you. How fucking pathetic. 

With an annoyed sigh, he rests his hands on the edge of the sink, leaning a weary body against it as he looks up at the window, watching the slow moving clouds pass in the east. The sky is a wash of baby blue and pale yellow, a golden shadow cast over the underside of the clouds. As he stands there, watching the slowly climbing morning sun, listening to the birds sing, he can’t help but think of you, remember the sound of his little songbird in the dead of night, and then the way you looked at him with your touch on his jaw. How he felt—

Suddenly, there’s a knock at the door, and Joel flinches, turning. His heart rate starts to spike for a split second before he remembers Tommy telling him that he’d come retrieve him for breakfast, and with a soft huff and a mumbled curse, he pushes off the sink and heads towards the door. He’s not exactly looking forward to being tossed into a room crowded by strangers, though he’d be lying if he said his stomach isn’t rumbling with a vengeance. 

When he opens the door, Tommy beams at him. “Mornin’, sunshine.”

—

The mess hall is lively, people of all ages sitting and talking over plates of food, and Joel follows his brother tensely, surveying the room. People look, some staring, a few offering friendly smiles, but Joel’s face remains stony. 

Tommy glances at him, smiling to himself in quiet amusement, before he nudges him with his elbow. “You don’t need to be so damn skittish, Joel. They’re just curious. They won’t bite.”

Joel frowns, replying in an edgy mutter, “Yeah, well, I don’t know these people, Tommy. You can’t blame me for assuming they might.”

Tommy chuckles, shaking his head as he leads him to the end of the shuffling food line. It’s then that Joel’s eyes zero in on the food laid across the long table ahead of them, large tin pans filled with still steaming scrambled eggs, cooked sausages, a tower of biscuits being ladled with thick gravy, two large bowls filled with assorted cut fruit, ripe and fresh. It feels almost like a mirage, and he has to swallow down saliva just about every five seconds, silently picking up a plate behind his brother once they finally reach the table. 

“Be generous. There’s plenty to go around.” Tommy leans in to whisper, a twinkle in his eye. Joel just glances at him, shifting on his feet before plucking the spoon out of the scrambled eggs to scoop onto his plate. By the time they’re at the end of the spread, Joel realizes he maybe should have grabbed two plates instead of one, with all the food piled onto his, the juices of the sausage and fruit mixing with the gravy, but the mash of flavors is of no concern to him as Tommy guides him through the room to an empty table.

As they walk, Joel can’t help but notice a table of children, henned by a single plump woman, openly staring at him, eyes wide and curious. They’re basically rubbernecking, heads craning as they watch his every step as he moves past. 

“Looks like you’ve got some fans already.” Tommy says in a low tone with a teasing smile on his face, but as they sit down, Joel mutters back, “They ain’t got no goddamn manners?”​

Tommy snickers, shaking his head as he starts to fork at the food on his plate. “They’re kids, Joel. You’re the shiny new toy.”

“The hell I am.” Joel shoots back, lips pursed in irritation, but Tommy only chuckles again. “Alright, whatever. Just eat up.” With one more disapproving huff, Joel settles his attention back on his food, an intense wave of hunger washing through him as he picks up his fork and knife to starts shoveling it in.

With a glimmering smile as he watches, Tommy reminds him in a teasing tone, “Chew.” Joel is too distracted by the taste to even glare, simply returning around a full mouth, “I’m not a damn child, Tommy. Just fuckin’ starving. You have any idea how long it’s been since I’ve had a meal like this?”

“Well, if you keep shoving it in like that, it might be your last.”

“Shut up.” Joel says, the sound barely comprehensible with the amount of food stuffed in his mouth, but it’s not hard to guess, and it only makes Tommy snicker.

Giving him some time to enjoy the meal, Tommy pulls away to retrieve cups of coffee for the two of them, before joining back and starting to explain the inner workings of the commune—work, specifically. The two positions that stick out the most to Joel are construction, and patrolling. Even though he’s sure he’ll be rusty, getting back into what he used to do all those years ago is a nice thought. Patrolling, well, he guesses he might end up going a little stir crazy if he doesn’t get out past these walls every once a while, and going out armed, on horseback, and joined by a couple others, in addition to knowing he’s doing his part to keep Jackson safe and that he’ll have a warm home to return to, yeah, he can do that. 

Eventually, he casts a few glances around the mess hall, trying to discreetly catch a glimpse of you, and after a few furtive attempts, he finally does, spotting you sitting alone at a table. You’re hunched over your plate, guarding it, head down, shoveling your food in almost as fast as he’s been, as if this was your first meal in days, or that someone might come steal it away if you’re ready to fight them off. 

You used to eat slowly, savoring the taste, never wanting to have the last bite to yourself, always wanting to share.

Not anymore. 

Joel drops his head back down, trying to hide how much his heart starts to hurt, nodding along to Tommy’s words, sparing a comment every once in a while, but he’s basically picking at his food towards the end. 

As breakfast comes to a close and people start to file out of the building, Joel keeks around again, almost reflexively trying to pick you out in the crowd. When he finally finds you, he catches you watching him, then deliberately side stepping behind a small pocket of chattering Jacksonvillers. His heart twinges, guessing you’re going to be avoiding him from now on, and he internally kicks himself all the way out into the street, before your voice startles him out of it, having strode up right in front of he and Tommy while his gaze was fixed on his shoes.

“Hey, do you have time to talk?” You ask, stiff and rushed. 

He blinks at you, throwing a quick glance at Tommy, head racing with questions like, ‘Is this gonna end well?’ ‘Why the hell would you even want to talk to me?’ and, the most frightening, ‘What are you gonna say?’

After a brief pause, he gives you a short nod, the words falling from his lips, “Of course.”

“At my house?” You respond immediately, shifting from one foot to the other. 

“Yeah.” He nods again, “Sure.” 

You let out a quick sigh, nodding again, before turning on your heel and starting to basically march back towards your row of houses. With a quick ‘what the fuck?’ glance at Tommy, who then gives him a tight lipped, ‘good luck’ grimace, Joel follows behind you, heart rate steadily rising the closer you get. Neither of you dare even glance in the other’s direction, body language equally taut as you walk the few more uncomfortable minutes up to your door. Quickly, you unlock it and slip inside, shrugging off your jacket and hanging it up in one fluid motion, not even looking at him as you walk to the table and sit down. Joel approaches more hesitantly, heart punching his rib cage as he takes a seat across from you. 

While you study the surface of the table, Joel can’t tear his gaze away from you, and when you finally raise your head to meet it, he swallows hard. Your expression is measured in neutrality, and Joel can’t tell if he’s in any way prepared for whatever the hell it is you’re about to say. 

After a beat, you finally begin, “We need to have a conversation. A real one. Not like yesterday where we end up screaming our heads off at each other. We both live here now, which means we’re gonna see each other around, so I think we should try to at least make that bearable.” You say evenly, lips slightly pursed.

He nods tersely, agreeing wholeheartedly that you have to do something about this whole… situation, and hoping to god that this does end up as a civil, useful conversation. He also knows that that means he needs to keep the reins tight on himself, keep in his mind that he needs to be patient with you, understanding, kind. He wants to be, it’s where his heart is at, but he feels skinless around you, as if the simple breath from your lips when you speak stings. 

After he nods, you pause, looking down at your fidgeting hands. He watches them, self reproach another set of teeth sinking into his raw skin. He doesn't want to make you nervous, doesn’t want you to have to bite your tongue around him; he’s writhing in his skin at how fucking difficult it is for the two of you just to have a conversation, when it used to be so easy. 

But maybe talking will do something. Maybe, after this, your words won’t be so forced, and he won't feel like he’s turning inside out every time a silence falls. 

He watches your mouth open, hanging for a moment before you pick back up, “And I… I realized that, I need to give you a chance to say your piece… hear your side of things. So…” You glance up at him, giving a slight, awkward nod, like now it’s his turn to speak, and he swallows, suddenly very much on the spot. 

“Uh, my side.” He stalls, adjusting his posture in the seat, folding his hands on the table. 

“Just, whatever you wanna say. I’ll keep my mouth shut.”

Joel studies you for several more seconds, relieved and surprised at your sudden willingness to ‘hear his side of things’, and your claim to actually listen to it. He’s still nervous, though, still apprehensive to actually open up about what things looked like for him. You seem to have very conflicting views on it, and he’s not certain that you’ll continue to be as calm—or probably as close as you can get to it at the moment—once he really gets to talking.

He frowns, looking away as he actually tries to think of how to explain himself. He’s still just treading water in an ocean of shame, over what he did, and the reason he did it in the first place. He fights against the urge to say ‘it’s complicated’, knowing it’s a meaningless phrase, despite the truth in it. But the silence stretches on, that expectant look on your face, so, forcing himself to finally hold your gaze, he blurts out the first thing that makes it to his tongue. 

“I’m sorry.”

He swallows, fidgeting with his hands, expecting a displeased sigh, but you stay silent, keeping your promise. So, he’s forced to continue. 

“I know that doesn’t mean much, I know it, won’t make things right. I don't think anything I could say will… but… I guess I, I mean, I do, owe you, some sort of… explanation.” He clenches his jaw, and knowing what he’s going to say next, he can’t get himself to meet your eyes, locking them instead on a dark ray on the wooden table, a bitter taste rising in his mouth as he speaks. “I was weak. Sacred. I didn’t…” the words get stuck in his throat, his entire body screaming, but he soldiers on. “I wanted to protect you. And it’s not because I thought you couldn’t look after yourself—you’ve always been very capable.” These are words he’s able to look you in the eyes for, sure and true, things she wished he’d told you more, so you wouldn’t have ended up with this fucked up idea that he looks down on you. “You’re strong, you’re smart, sharp, always have been. You saved my life more than once, Y/n, I’ve never forgotten that. I never doubted you, never doubted what you can do. That’s not why I left.” His gaze falls back down to the table, back to that dark eye in the wood. “I care about you. So much that it… it hurts, and I, I just… I wanted to keep you safe. And I thought I was, when I… but, I know that, wh-when it really mattered, I failed. I know I did.” Sorrow starts to lilt his tone, and he swallows, willing his voice to even. “I thought I was doing you a favor, by just leavin’, I thought you’d be better off, I thought I… but, but I know it was wrong, and, by the time I realized what I’d done, it was too late. You were gone.” There's a long pause, Joel hopelessly fidgeting with his hands as that feeling comes back, that boulder in his gut, not knowing where you were, the world suddenly feeling so vast, the realization that he might never find you like a vacuum in his chest. When he manages to speak again, his voice has fallen quiet, “I went back, I looked for you, but I couldn’t find you, but I, I kept looking for you. I never stopped. I never stopped thinking about you. Every day, I thought about you, no matter where I was, I was just, hopin’ you’d, just, show up somewhere and I could…”

“You looked for me?” Comes a heartbroken voice, and when his gaze flicks back up, your face has fallen, as if the thought had never occurred to you that he searched for you, that he regretted leaving you there. 

“Of course I did.” Joel replies in an almost whisper, brow strung together as he looks at you, “I wish I never left, Y/n. I just thought that… I thought it was the only way to keep you safe.” He keeps his eyes locked on yours, hoping his words can carry all the emotion that burns his pith, “I thought I was gonna, drag you down, I was gonna get you killed, Y/n. I’m old; even then, I, I’m losin’—I mean my, my hearing’s goin’, I’m not as fast as I used to be, I don’t have the same endurance or stamina—shit, Y/n, I’m not what I used to be, I’m… I’m…” he pauses for a rough breath, the shame weighing his head down as he shakes it, voice low and gruff. “I didn’t wanna be the reason you died. I couldn’t live with myself if I was.” He shakes his head, “If I failed you like that. But I did anyway, I know that I did, Y/n. I know what I did was wrong. And I hated myself for it, I still do, because I know that it was the worst thing I could’ve done, leave you to… fend for yourself. I left you, alone, with your arm still, still torn open…” by now, his voice is nothing but a shaky murmur, the confession like having his throat scraped clean, down his diaphragm, scooping out all that festering rot, to admit the shortcomings and weaknesses that tore your life apart, but it doesn’t hurt enough, he feels like he should get down on his knees and tear his own arms open, lash himself until there’s nothing left but exposed muscle, and hope that the pain could counterweight whatever it is that has shaped you into this frightened, barbed woman that you are now. “I left, because I’m weak, because I'm a coward, a scared, fool, I’m, I’m, pathetic Y/n and I know it—” He spits the last bit out, a pained grimace on his face, but then you interrupt him, suddenly whispering, “Stop.”

Joel raises his head to look at you, rambling abruptly cut short, and he finds your shoulders are even higher than before, your eyes shut tight. 

“You know I could never stand you talking about yourself like that. Even when you were joking. So just… don’t.” The lack of anger coming from you is, once again, shocking, not even annoyance present, just that tenseness, your brow pinched, jaw set. He hadn't expected that to be the point when you'd heard enough, with how affronted you’d been every time he’d tried to apologize, and after how pathetic he was last night. 

Joel stays quiet, anxiously awaiting for you to explain, for your response to his vomited admissions. 

With a sigh, you fold your hands. “Joel…” He watches your lips as you speak, saying his name softly. 

Right now, you look almost small, and he can tell that whatever you’re about to say is going to be just as hard to say as it was for him, and he becomes acutely aware of how fragile this moment is. “I…” You start again, mouth hanging open for another moment. 

“I spent a lot of time, trying to figure out why you left.” You pause. “I thought that you were just trying to protect yourself, that I was weighing you down, that I was…” you stop again to sigh. “I thought that you meant it when you said that it was all bullshit. That I never meant anything to you, that it was just some sick joke, that you’d been itching to leave for, a while, that you… that you hated me.” Your words strike Joel like an iron spike, and he feel compelled to argue, press again how much he cares for you, how highly he’s always valued you, but he knows better than to interrupt, so he instead simply sits there, watching your face, the light contortion of pain that he wishes he could rip away like a unbecoming veil. 

“But I realized that that’s not true… I think I knew for a while, why you did it. Deep down I knew that you were just scared. And I… I get it.” You nod, “I understand. I mean I, I know you pretty well, Joel.” You nod again, shifting in your seat. “And I don’t want to hate you, no matter how much I did, I—I wanted to just be angry, because that would be so much easier, easier than hurting—if I’m angry I’m not weak. I can do something about it, but, but, I just, I care about you, and I always wondered how you were doing, but every time I wished you well I shoved the thought out, because it would be so much easier to just want to—” You let out a heavy sigh, deflating, head bowing so low that he can only see the top of it, your hands folded firmly in front of you. 

“I still wished you were there.” Your whispered words sound broken, and Joel feels like he’s falling apart at the seams, like he could just start wailing, and all he wants to do is wrap you up in his arms, and protect you, like he didn’t for all those years, protect that softness that he can see is still in you now. All he sees in front of him is that girl, the one who smiled, and sang, and laughed, and offered her kindness to the world despite how terribly it would throw it back on her face. But he remains there, rigid.

“It was so fucked up without you Joel.” You continue in that small, quiet voice. “And I'm not trying to make you feel bad, I don't want that anymore, I just…” A shaky sigh slips past your lips, and the guilt is melting his skin off, because he knows that you wouldn’t be this broken if he had just stayed, and your soft little whispered words tell him just how much you’ve suffered. “I just—” The words die in your throat again with another rough breath, and then you shock him again, by unfolding a hand and laying it down on the table, open towards him. He stares at it, unable to move, before he remembers what to do, and slips his hand into yours, hesitating before he squeezes it, and when you squeeze back, his heart twists, and it’s as if every second of those six years comes crashing down on him, and after a deep, unsteady breath, you speak again, voice heart wrenchingly pained and tight, and terribly, terribly soft. 

“I know I'm not the same. I know I’m different now. I know I’m like a fucking animal sometimes. I don't want to be. And I don't blame you for that. I blame the world, all the fucked up people I ran into, all the—the fucking, shit, that is the world.” Joel’s stomach ties in painful knots, brow knitting, wanting to disagree, because all he can think when he looks at you, hears how choked up your tone is becoming is I did this. I did that to you. “I’m just, I’m just fucking damaged, Joel, I’m damaged to shit.” 

Those words are what break him, and he’s unable to stop himself from cutting you off, squeezing your hand a little tighter. “You’re not damaged.” He tells you, tender, but unwavering. 

“Yeah, I am.” You counter in a tearful whisper, eyes still shut tight and aimed at the table, but he sees how your brow is scrunched, and god, it hurts. “I talked to Tommy last night,” you go on, “and you wanna know what he said to me when I told him I was gonna talk to you again today? He said, ‘promise me you’re not gonna kill my brother.’ And he meant it, Joel. He thought I was gonna fucking kill you, his brother.” A sniffle interrupts you, and you quickly swipe a hand under your nose, letting out a feeble, trembling sigh. “I’m a fucking freak, Joel, a rabid fucking dog. I’m a monster, and I know it. The world ate me up and spit me back out again, and I don't, I don't recognize myself anymore. And I hate it.” You sniffle again, roughly wiping again with the back of your hand, and Joel’s heart is racing, eyes almost wide and tearful himself, shocked into stillness, hearing you suddenly spewing all these things out, hearing you speak of yourself in this way. “I know you miss me, and I miss me, too. But I can't see her anymore, Joel, when I look at myself, all I see is blood on my lips, on my face, pouring down my neck. I—I’m a—” Suddenly, a choked whimper tumbles out of you, shaking your shoulders, and he can’t stand it anymore. 

“Stop. Stop. No more. You’re not. You’re not.” Joel shakes his head, eyes fixed on you, keeping his voice gentle, gentle like you are to him, gentle like the place in his heart that cradles you.

“Yes I am.” You argue back, voice breaking, and he knows the tears are coming. “I’m awful, Joel, I’m awful.” 

He can’t stop himself from rising from his seat, he doesn't think twice as he walks around the table, fitting his hands under your arms to pull you out of your chair, then wrapping you into his embrace, gently pulling you against him. You lean into him easily, and he shuts his eyes tight, heart booming with a deep ache of pain but also relief, to hold you again, finally, again. 

You cover your face with your hands, folding your arms against his chest, shoulders shaking with nearly silent cries. Joel clenches his jaw, willing his own tears back, willing back the guilt and shame, to stop thinking about himself, and to just be there for you, because you're not asking for his penance, you're asking for his care. So, he wills it to pour out of him, pulling his arms tighter around you and gently running a hand up and down your back. And he knows why it makes you cry harder. Because you finally have that comfort that you wished for all those times when he wasn’t there, and hell if he’s going anywhere now. 

After a sudden, audible sob, your hands come away from your face to instead wrap around his shoulders, and then there you hang, and there he holds you, almost up from around your waist. 

As the weeping commences, you’ve never felt this raw in his arms, he’s never heard such broken sounds from you, ragged sobs launching from your throat and reverberating through his chest as you press your face into it. You’re breaking in his arms, your knees going weak, but he’s got you, he whispers, “I got you. I got you.”

Another violent bawl jolts out of you, and then he can feel your full weight pull against his arms, so he sinks down to the floor with you, wrapping his arms as far as they’ll go to pull you against his chest as you cave into it. It only swells, your lamenting, hard, rough, loud sobs and choked breaths that he instantly recognizes the need in for that gentle reminder, “Hey, breathe, breath, in and out, in and out.” He says it into your hair, whispering just above your ear, his own eyes still squeezed shut, heart swelled with all this love that he wishes could just seep through his skin to replace all of this pain, but he knows it can’t, he knows all he can do is hold you and, “Breathe with me. In and out. That’s it. Keep breathing. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here with you. Just breathe. That’s all you gotta do. Just breathe with me.”

And you do, and his head is swimming, it’s so surreal, but he feels your weight, there and true, and your hands clutching his shirt just as he had yours when it was his turn to break, and he can feel how you need him like he needed you. But it’s not weakness, that’s not what he feels from you, it’s strength, because god damn it you’re still here, you made it through that hell, and by god you are not lost, not to him, and here you are, back in his arms. 

Eventually, your tears die down, the only sound in the house those even, shared breaths, cut by a small snivel or snuffle from you. It starts to calm him, too, passing those level breaths with you, his eyes still closed as he holds on tight, the screams in his head becoming faint whispers—all the shame, guilt, hurt and pain falling away, leaving him only with how precious you are. 

After a few more moments, your body falls lax against him, and you let out a final deep, shuddering sigh, before finally finding your voice again, quiet against his chest. “I guess we’re even now.”

Joel can’t help a sudden, breathy chuckle, a small smile forming on his face. “I guess so.” He replies, a warmth spreading steadily through his chest.

He wants to hold onto this moment, just stay here on the floor for a while with your weight draped over him and warmth under his arms. It feels almost dreamlike to feel the shape of you again, hear the sound of your breaths, to have you relaxed, just, resting there. 

Despite everything, right now, it’s okay again. Right now, he has you back. And even though you’re different, he loves you, just as he always has, except maybe harder, now. More purposeful. Because you need it. You need the best that he has, so he’ll give it. He’ll be softer. He’ll tell you how much loves you, and how wonderful you are, how strong, powerful, smart, resilient, the joy that you give him just by being alive. He’ll try to make you smile more, but it’ll be alright if you don’t. He’ll make a space for you where it doesn’t matter what you've gone through or what you've seen, what you've done. He doesn't care about the cruelty he knows you've inflicted. He’s done the same. It doesn't make you any less of a person, doesn't make you deserve anything less than every single drop of love he can squeeze out of himself. And Jackson will be a home, and whenever it falls, whether it's in five years, ten, one, a week, you’ll make it out, together, he’ll take you with him, haul you and Tommy out of the flames and you’ll make another home, or something, something. But he’ll be there. He will dedicate himself to you. You are his purpose, just as you were before, but now, it’ll be in everything that he does. That is what’s left for him to do. 

To love you. Show it to you every day. However you need him to. 

That's what's left for him to do in this world. 

So, he holds you, and whispers in your ear, “I love you.” 

[lillaydee]

Uncoupled - June

Roommate! Joel Miller / Reader

Two people leaving their marriages ended up going through the mandatory one year separation together before filing for divorce.

Nothing could possibly happen in a year, right?

WARNINGS: Alternate Universe - No Cordyceps Outbreak (The Last of Us), Ellie & Joel Bonding (The Last of Us), Good Parent Joel (The Last of Us), Soft Joel (The Last of Us), Joel Needs a Hug (The Last of Us), Hurt Joel (The Last of Us), Protective Joel (The Last of Us), No age gap, Roommate Joel, Teacher Joel, Handyman Joel, Insecure Joel, Minor Character Death, Grief/Mourning.

SERIES MASTER LIST

May

---

Joel sat in the waiting room, a very jittery Jen next to him. The results of the biopsy was in. He hadn’t wanted to be there for Jen, initially. There was a part of him that was convinced Jen was doing this to try to guilt him into staying. He didn’t want to chance it, he was finally happy. His life with you and Ellie had been perfect. He was not going to ruin this.

He was looking forward to the divorce, so much so he declined alimony, just so he didn’t have to be tied to her in any way. Since she was the ‘at fault’ party and made so much more than him, he could get it, but he had a feeling Jen would stretch the process and rather than go back and forth on this whole thing he just wanted out. She would get anything in her name, the house, the car, her money, and he would be free of her. That was all he wanted.

He told you he didn’t want to go. He told you he didn’t want to be involved. Whatever it was, he could support her from afar. There was no need for him to be there with her. Heck, even her own parents and siblings didn’t want to be there for her. Her success and ‘glow-up’ didn’t just isolate him, it extended to her family as well, effectively isolating herself from everyone who could’ve been there for her.

But you. You were too soft hearted, you talked him into being there for her. We got lucky, you told him, we found each other. She didn’t have anyone. Be there for her. She was the woman you loved for 15 years. Do this for her. He tried to tell you that Jen would stick to him like a leech if they found something malignant, guilt him into staying, but you told him that the two of you would cross that bridge then, if it came.

So he called her, went with her for the biopsy, held her hand through it all. Drove her home after, made sure she was alright and had everything she needed. He was actually starting to feel glad he could do things like that for her and not have it be an awkward situation. That they could sort of be friends.

And then she kissed him.

Jen just found out that she was all alone, Max declining to be involved at all despite their history, and she was desperate. The reality of her actions pushing the one man she now knew she could rely on was hitting her hard, and she was willing to do anything to win him back.

Jen saw immediately who Max was once they got together officially. He was a man who only thought of himself, his reputation, his comfort, his needs. He was slowly suggesting that a woman’s place was at home, not out in the world like she was, working side by side with men. He was threatened by her success, even if it was nothing compared to his. She saw now that you opening the bakery was the starting point for his unrelenting search for power; he was afraid you would be successful. More so than him. Max was not someone who could handle that. And the moment she made it clear that she was never giving her career up, their problems started.

She began to miss Joel then. He was never threatened by her success. He even worked harder to try and contribute more, but in her egotistical mind, that was not enough. She regretted that now, but even she could see that she treated him horribly once she found success. And now he’s all happy with you, someone who, according to Max, was her opposite. Someone Joel could easily find happiness with. So she was determined to win him back.

But Joel was still level headed. He wasn’t surprised, he knew she would try something like this. Rather than pushing her off him, he gently turned his head and pulled himself off her, turning and leaving before she could say anything else.

He told you about it the moment he got home. He could see your face turn to anger, but you true to your form, you told him she was probably just an emotional mess right now and wasn’t thinking.

Joel was not happy about it, though. He made sure to physically distance himself from Jen, not meeting her unless necessary. She began sending him suggestive texts, all of which he ignored, and making appearances where she knew he would be, even going to his school to see him without your knowledge.

She even went to see you behind Joel’s back, telling you that if you had any decency at all, you would leave him, let him go back to her, she obviously needed him more right now. God only knew how long she would have left with him. She wasn’t shy to use such lines with him either, although he never took the bait, and neither did you.

But when she began suggesting for him to not go to get the results, he knew something was wrong. He knew she was being conniving, planning something. Hiding something. She even changed the appointment time, thinking he wouldn’t find out. Except the doctor’s office emailed him the new appointment time too, and the look on her face when she saw him at the hospital was a confirmation of his suspicion.

The result came back as benign. She would still need surgery to remove the mass, but it wasn’t cancerous. And the growth was small enough for her to have an outpatient surgery, no hospital stay required. Just a few hours of observation. She wouldn’t even need aftercare, so there was no need for Joel to be there for her for days after the surgery.

He did, though, agree to be with her on the day itself.

That should be enough.

**********

Max had kept trying. Calling and texting and visiting begging you to reconsider the divorce. Jen’s initial diagnosis made him scared. Not for her, but scared that should anything like that happen to him, he would have no one, just like her. He knew Jen was never going to support him, hold his hands through something like that. But you would. He knew that. He had always known that. That was one of the reasons he fell in love with you. It was you who shared a dingy room with him when the two of you first got married, sleeping on a used mattress and eating sparingly when money was tight.

When your bakery started making money, he became threatened, worried that you would start bossing him around, so he worked harder to be more successful, to make sure you would never outearn him. He got there, and somehow, began treating you the way he was worried you would him in the first place.

He wanted you to give up the bakery, make sure you would only be relying on him. That you would be lost without him. He needed that validation to feel like a man.

But you had a great support system. Eddie would die for you. Tess and Frank had the knowledge, the money, the resources to help you out. And you seemed unphased when he was treating you like garbage. So he did more. He found faults with you where he didn’t before. He wanted you to put you in a position where you would finally say fine, you’ll give up the bakery and stay at home, just so that he would treat you better. He didn’t know why, but he wanted you to beg, wanted you to curl into a foetal position and cry, tell him you couldn’t live without him.

Instead, you left him.

And the moment you did, he realized how alone he was in the world. His friends, at least the ones who would drop everything to rush to his aid had been your friends. His work friends were never going to do that for him, they were networking, not making loyal, lifelong connections with him. He had pushed his own family away in his mission to put you down; they had all been on your side, knowing how he had treated you.

He wanted you back. So badly. But you had found Joel. And he knew Joel was the anti-Max. Joel would never be threatened with your success. You might actually be happy with him. You were so adamant on the divorce you waived alimony, which if you didn’t, would erase all your money issues. But you didn’t want to be tied up to him anymore. You just wanted out.

It stung him, how badly you wanted to get away from him, when all he wanted was to win you back.

**********

It was a week before the legal separation was due to end. You were home early that day, Ellie told you her head hurt, and Joel was at the hospital with Jen for her surgery. You were looking at the contents in your fridge when someone knocked on the door.

Max.

He told you he was just there with some of your stuff, the ones you left at his house. True enough, there were boxes in his car. So you let him unload them into your living room. He looked… resigned, defeated, accepting. He stood in front of your door, hands in his pocket, asking you what it was that Joel had that he didn’t. He didn’t get it. He could give you much more than Joel could. Look at this house, look at the house you left, he told you. When you didn’t answer, he asked if Joel was more gifted than him, between the legs – Jen had never told him, but he had a suspicion he was right.

You rolled your eyes. Even after everything, Max was still so immature.

“The measure of a man is not how much money he has in his bank account, or what is hidden in his pants, Max. Joel is a man, through and through. He’s a good man. Honest, reliable, protective, kind, considerate, and above all, secure. He doesn’t need me to look a certain way or stay at home and wait on him hand and foot to know he’s a man.”

He looked at his feet. “I’m going to miss having you around. I already do.”

“No, Max, you miss what I did for you. You don’t miss me. You miss the person who folds the laundry and cooks and cleans. Even when I did do that for you, you chastised me and made me feel like shit for doing them in the first place, always putting me down, nothing was enough. I think you just miss having someone to be cruel to.”

His head snapped up, his eyes filling with tears. “I’m so sorry I treated you like that, Lil. Really. I don’t know what got over me. I know that now. Please Lil, give me another chance.”

“Once bitten, twice shy, Max. I’m not that dumb.”

He nodded, his tears falling to his cheeks. He quietly asked for a hug. Just to say goodbye. Please?

You stepped outside and let him hug you. He breathed you in, his nose in your hair, his eyes closed. He held you tight, and you let him. For a moment, you felt a bit emotional. This was the man you had thought you would spend the rest of your life with. Sure, it was your choice to leave, but it didn’t mean that you weren’t sad. He treated you badly for four years, but there were those 11 years before that, when you shared so many happy memories with him. Even in your impatience to get it all over and done with, you still had to admit; you were heartbroken that your marriage was coming to an end. You didn’t start it with the intent of it turning out this way. No one does. Everyone who married for love thought they would live happily ever after, but things happen. People change. Hearts change.

You pulled back from him, only for him to grab your face and kiss you in the mouth. Hard. Passionate. It took you by surprise, but you pulled back from him, immediately going inside and shutting the door to his face. He didn’t protest, leaving as soon as you did.

You knew you were going to tell Joel about it later, but somewhere in your heart you figured it was just Max’s way of saying goodbye.

**********

Joel sat by Jen’s bedside while she was still unconscious, although she did wake up every now and then, still groggy and very much under the influence of her anaesthesia. Surgery had gone well, scans were clean, she should be okay to go home in a few hours. She would need follow up scans and consultations for them to keep an eye on the site, but she was fine. Joel found himself a bit melancholic – he had loved this woman. In some ways, he still loved her. You don’t love someone for 15 years and stop in a second. Sure, she treated him like shit these last few years, but he had 11 happy years with her. He was so happy when she said yes to marrying him. To spending the rest of her life with him.

While he was looking forward to the divorce, he had to admit that he was mourning it as well. He was mourning the young man who was so in love, so hopeful about starting a new life with the woman he loved. He didn’t marry with the intent to leave when things got rough. But the last four years was so hard on him he could feel himself start to change – he was starting to be bitter, hateful, and that was not the person he wanted to be.

He looked at his soon to be ex wife’s face, the beautiful face she had paid for, and for a moment, he saw the plain young girl he fell in love with, completely unaware how much she could change. He wondered if somewhere in there, that young girl he had fallen for was still around.

She was awake for the first ten minutes she was wheeled back into the day care room they had provided for her, yammering on and on about how thankful she was for him to be there, how thankful she was that he was in her life, how much she loved him, what a good husband he was, that she’s the luckiest woman on earth to have him as her husband. But then she stopped, and Joel had the mind to ask her why she didn’t want him at the appointment for the results. She told him, quite honestly, that she was planning to lie to him about the results to guilt him into staying. She began sobbing, telling him how much she regretted what she did to him, that she was only trying to fill a well of needs that she knew would never be filled.

She pleaded with him to stay, telling him she knew he didn’t really want to leave. Because if he did, he wouldn’t have left something extremely valuable to him with her at the house. Please, Joel, come back to me. I’ll do better, she said, practically grabbing his arm to lay in bed with her, before losing consciousness again.

His thoughts and reminisces of their past life was suddenly interrupted by his phone dinging. Someone had texted him. An unknown number.

‘You sure your girlfriend doesn’t want her husband back, Miller?’

A picture quickly followed. Joel could feel his heart drop to the floor, the picture blurry from his immediate tears, his insides turned ice cold.

Another text. From you, this time.

‘Max just stopped by. Something happened. I’ll explain when you get back, okay?’

And whatever warmth that his body had left just escaped his form altogether.  

**********

You waited patiently for him to return home, you wanted to tell him what Max did. But you didn’t feel right telling him on the phone or via text. Plus, he was taking care of Jen. You shouldn’t be the pushy girlfriend, right? You had been together a little over a month. You hadn’t even said ‘I love you’ yet. And you were still married to your husband, and him to his wife. One week. And they would be served. It would finally be over, and you and Joel could move on.

What was taking him so long? The surgery was this morning, he should be home by now. His dinner was waiting. It’s past Ellie’s bedtime. You had tried calling, but your calls went straight to voicemail. Your texts undelivered.

You weren’t nervous to tell him about the kiss. You didn’t do anything wrong. But with your calls and texts not going through, you had to wonder what was going on, and to be frank, you were starting to feel a bit worried.

His truck finally drove in to the driveway. You shot up and opened the door.

That’s weird. Jen was in the truck with him. He got out and told her to wait for him, engine left idling. He walked past you, not saying anything, his face unreadable, leaving you confused in the entryway. Jen was looking at you with the smuggest look. She beckoned you to go to her. So you did, she was medicated, might as well, you thought.

She lowered the window, smirking at you like she’d won something.

“You know, I knew you would come to your senses. But let’s be honest for a second. Even if you didn’t, what made you think you would be good enough for him? What the fuck could you ever offer him that I couldn’t twofold? Look at you, look at me.”

You were so confused. But she wouldn’t let you get a word in edgewise.

“Look, I’m sorry things turned out this way, but it’s for the best. I promise.”

Joel came back out, his suitcases in his hands. He placed both of them in the back of his truck.

You didn’t think Jen could be any smugger than she already was, but clearly, you were wrong. She sneered at you, lifted her left hand at you, her old engagement ring and wedding band back on.

“Toodles,” she said, waving them at you, before giving you the middle finger, the biggest shit-eating smile on her face.

Joel looked at your confused face, everything seemed unreal, blurry. He spoke to you, his face passive and emotionless. His voice sounded like he was underwater. He told you he would be back for his stuff. He got back in, shut the door and buckled up. He put the gear in reverse and backed out of your driveway, leaving you standing there clueless, your feet rooted down as if weighted down by the heaviest of anvils.

You went back inside, trying to make sense of what just happened. You picked up your phone and saw a text from Max, followed by a picture.

It was a picture of the two of you from earlier, passionately kissing.

‘Wonder what Boyfriend Dearest thought when he saw this picture. You sure you want to sign those papers?’

Fuck. Max had tricked you. He had planned this. He sent Joel the picture.

And then realisation hit. The passive face. The unread texts. Jen’s wedding ring. The suitcases.

He had left you. He had gone back to his wife.

---

The Beginning

[hellowoolf]

on strawberries and masonry: chapter i

series summary: you atone for your sins, now, in a jackson garden, learning to care for soft things and yourself. joel miller is a lethal sort of similar, and misery loves company

OR

you live in jackson and meet joel and you’re both damaged little babies and fall in love (but i’m drawing this shit out🫶🫶)

warnings: angst, ANGST👈🏻👈🏻, reader has a violent past but we don’t get graphic about it yet, knives (at present we only use her for gardening), age gap (reader late 20s/early 30s, joel 50s), mention of masturbation (if i left out any, let me know!)

word count: 3.1k

authors note: i would consider myself a mildly experienced writer but this is my first ever fic! kindness is appreciated but so is constructive criticism. i really hope you enjoy🍓

by the way, a big ol thank you to @macfrog @netherfeildren @5oh5 @swiftispunk @bageldaddy (and others), whose fantastic writing gave me the courage to put this story to paper🫶

series masterlist | masterlist

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

you don’t remember much about the little fruits, from the time that came before. you were only a child then, 8 when it all crumbled to pieces, and those small sweetnesses aren’t things you’re taught to notice when you’re that young. lemons and airplane engines and the neighbor’s dog; these you remember, what with all the ruckus they made, but berries and peaches were far too soft of creations to make an impression. you suppose to anyone who could see your life in full, it would seem ironic in a tragic sort of way that they were all you cared for now.

you like to ponder these things—torture, really—on your way to the garden in the morning. there’s something about the honesty of jackson air, the clarity of it at daybreak, that make such musings, painful as they are, the only bearable passtime. keeping your hands close to your sides inside your jacket, you let your fingertips brush against the knife stored there. maria had offered you gardening tools, things more fit for the work you did now, but you’d refused; this knife was your father’s once (if you were remembering correctly) and you wouldn’t let it rust over on your nightstand. you like to make use of things, things and people if you’re honest, and trimming plants and flowers and little fruits are no less noble uses for it than what you did before jackson.

the crunch of your boots beneath you whispers up as you trudge along. your house isn’t far from the garden, but ages, it feels, from everything else. you’d gone to the tipsy bison, once, within the first few weeks of moving in, convinced you were young and entitled to normalcy after what they’d collected you from on the outside. the scotch burned your throat in a cliche kind of way, and you suppose you enjoyed that part, but the walk alone in the dark on your way home was enough to keep you from the establishment since. you moved back and forth from your garden, the dining hall, and occasionally tommy’s house when you couldn’t bear the loneliness; these pathways you’d carved out for yourself here are few and stubborn, but you love them because they’re yours. the other young men and women your age in town, most of whom have lived the better part of their lives within these walls, don’t think of you enough to find you as strange as you perhaps are, but their not thinking is a comfort to you. the crunch crunch crunch of your boots on the gravel mumbles in agreement.

“speak of the devil.”

tommy is leaning against the glass of the greenhouse wall with noah when he calls it out to you, grounding you in place. you’d made it all the way to the garden in the time it took for that ugly contemplation, but the both of them are smiling with that back and forth glance only boyishness forgives, and now the morning is real. it’s cold enough that numbness has clawed its way up the bridge of your nose, the frost keeping last night’s snow frozen to the ground. it’s these moments, the arrivals to your garden at dawn, when the day comes to you. you like the both of them, noah and tommy. they make you feel like somebody’s sister. you turn up the ends of your mouth. “all bad things i hope.”

“awful, really,” noah chuckles, tugging on the arm of your jacket to pull you inside with tommy behind you, the both of them still smiling in conspiracy.

you begin to slip your arms out of your coat, laying it carefully against a wall, the wet warmth of the greenhouse rushing you immediately. you’d been heating the inside for a few weeks now, trying to maintain a healthy summer crop output despite the freezing soil, and a few of the sturdier vegetables had steadily been peeking their way up. you plucked a full radish from the dirt last week and nearly wept over it. you look back up at tommy and noah, standing shoulder to shoulder now in the aisle between the planter boxes to block your path forward, humming still with whatever tommy-and-noah-elation they’ve concocted. you tilt your head a little and smile.

“are you gonna make me guess? or can you just tell me?”

they confer with a nod and a jostle side to side, tommy turning back to you. “there’s a strawberry.”

your tongue unsticks from the roof of your mouth as something golden and beautiful unfolds inside of you. “there isn’t,” you counter. noah turns himself sideways so you can walk through the aisle to the end of the left planter box and you rush there (you’re rarely frantic, nowadays, but you allow this sort of thing for your little fruits).

maria had placed you here in the garden as a safeguard. she thought you dangerous (and you were, at least back when you met her), so she put you to work where your hands could do good and be far from people. it helped, you guessed, that the greenhouse is made of glass; she could keep an eye on you this way. and oh, how you’d resisted it, the softness of a gardener’s job. in the end, though, the black and grime of life left as residue on your palms felt like forgiveness, and you’d taken quickly to thinking yourself a botanist.

by the time you arrive at the end of the left planter box, on your knees like a worshiper at a pew, you’re eye level with the little poetry of red and green parting the soil you’d scooped by hand last month. tommy and noah, you feel, are behind you as your shadow casts itself over the soil, and you almost have to pull the thing out just to bear this feeling. there’s a strawberry. and you actually say it out loud, softer than anything but wild, still, and staring at the child of plant and earth you’d nursed to color. noah and tommy drop to your sides, and you notice then that the three of you are crying, and you laugh and laugh over the little thing like madness and sweetness and pride.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

the euphoria of your strawberry lasts you well into the late afternoon. tommy and noah had left you to bask in the glory of it to continue with construction on a little post office right off the main road, and you worked the morning with your thumbs in the dirt, slicing browning leaves off the budding plants with as much gentleness as you could muster. you look down at your knife, cradled close in the cup of your palm, to finger out the soil packed through the engraving along the handle. a last name meant nothing anymore, what with your loneliness and the end of the world, but still the slopes of it peer up at you; you watched your father make the engraving, you think, though the actual memory of it is lost to time.

by the time you reach the beets at the end of the right planter box, a commotion has stirred outside. men’s voices ring and rumble from the main road, and the bass of it hums under your knees on the ground. a great bark of tommy reaches you clearly, even tucked away as your greenhouse is, and curiosity consumes you enough to resign from your garden for the day. these days you are quiet, and reserved, sometimes frightening because you like how it feels, but still curious, always curious, and so you curl yourself back into your jacket to join whatever audience has congregated by the front gates.

he is beautiful in a holy sort of way, whoever he is. you come upon tommy wrapped up in a great big stranger, a horse and a young girl behind him, and the slopes of his nose bend the waning sunlight off into a ribbon of a beam. jesus, when was the last time you’d looked at someone this way? tommy pulls back from him, glassy eyed and awestruck, looking around at those who’d crowded the scene almost incredulously, but you stare still at his stranger, who is so broad and so timid and so clearly unused to his own timidness that you can’t pull your eyes away. he meets your gaze for a moment, as he sweeps his own across the crowd, and looks at you with about as much detachment as he does the rest of this spectatorship. but oh god, he is so divinely pretty, and so you can forgive his lack of immediate fascination with you.

tommy begins walking his stranger and his stranger’s small companion through the throng, introducing and shaking hands, and as you watch them slowly shuffle towards you, you are struck with the thought that this is tommy’s brother. as he shifts his face along the axis of his shoulders, taking in the town, you see more and more of tommy in the motion of his stranger’s face. you’re sure of it now, as tommy calls your name and shepherds the man in front of you.

“my brother here’as decided to make a grand entrance!” tommy says, slapping a mittened hand across his back. you shake his stranger’s hand and give him your name, hoping your little smile doesn’t give away how awful it felt for him to look this way.

“joel,” he musters (and it really does seem like it takes a mustering), and gives your hand a firm shake before stuffing them back in his pockets. he is disinterested, surely, but afraid, too. it almost hurts you how clear his prevailing apprehension is, and you nearly make to apologize for forcing him to introduce himself. his eyes squint in the golden light cast over jackson.

“i work in the greenhouse, a few blocks from here on the edge of the settlement,” you explain, eyes drifting between joel and his little shadow, who both joel and tommy have yet to introduce. she looks a little feral, and this endears you immediately to her. “welcome in,” you offer, and you do your best to direct this message to her from around joel’s shoulder. her eyes are so big for a thing so ferocious (and you are certain she is) and they widen further at your acknowledgment of her.

“we won’t be here for long,” joel grumbles out and you straighten back up. he says it like you’ve offended him, and you bristle a little. tommy’s beautiful stranger is very guarded, you decide. regardless, the width of him, from left to right, blocks the mountain range behind him, and the patchy scruff along his jaw makes you die a little death.

“alright, well,” you start to back away then, feeling increasingly overwhelmed by his face and his broadness and this little girl who looks and moves like you used to, “you know where to find me,” and you nod a little to tommy before turning and walking away. you lasted all but five seconds in front of him, relishing in how little you were in his shadow cast upon you and loving whatever creature the girl he brought with him was, but all the same he looked too tired and cautious and vicious that it suffocated you. he wouldn’t be here for long, apparently; you’ll likely never see him again. as you step towards your little house, you figure it was worth the meeting, if for nothing else than a face to keep you company in the dark when you’re a woman and alone, and a real image to pair with the descriptions tommy gave of a brother who loved him once.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

for a while, it seemed you really wouldn’t see joel again. you watched, through your greenhouse walls, the great expanse of him ride out with the girl, and you were left with the comfort of knowing how gorgeous you found him and that you would never have to speak with him again. you warded off your own psychoanalysis of your relief at his faraway-ness in the face of your immediate physical attraction to him, and sunk your fingers again in the soil.

but then he had returned. what with how consoled you felt at his leaving, he almost had to; fate was funny this way. but you figure, still, you needn’t disturb yourself with him. you imagined he’d keep to himself with how unspeaking he was when you first met him, and other than crossing his path every once in a while, leaving tommy’s house or marching himself along somewhere or other, you were right.

you think of him at night, though. in the morning you wake up with the shame and hilarity of it, of this lusting over a man you neither know nor want to know, but past midnight in your bed you let your fingers slip over yourself thinking of how small he’d made you feel. the wanting of him strikes you somewhere between your shoulder blades, and you blame it entirely on how long it had been since you shared your bed with anyone. strictly physical, strictly physical. you’d learned again to care for yourself these years in jackson, and you’d wrought kinship from tommy and noah without realizing it, but in all you attend mostly to flora, and in this you are protected. yes, joel keeps to himself as you surmised he would, but you avoid him, too; to want him in this way, all hands and hips and somewhere within you, is harmless, you determine, so long as he stays tommy’s stranger. he could never be anything or anyone to you.

it’s six weeks or so of joel’s continued disinterest in you, and your insistent avoidance of him (barring the way you touched yourself at night to his face), before a knock at your door past sunset brings you out of bed. people rarely appear at your doorstep, though you imagine it’s noah dropping off seeds found on patrol, or tommy with a similar sort of package, or even ellie, joel’s little creature, who’d spoken all but five words to you about your garden, but all the same materialized rather often there to see the colors of your little fruits. but when maria blinks back at you when you open the door, any semblance of a greeting dies in the back of your throat.

“can i come in?” maria asks, although she’s already leaning her shoulder towards the gap between your body and the doorway. you step aside to let her through. it occurs to you that maria has never visited you in your home before, not in your five years in jackson, and when she turns back to you, back pressed against your kitchen counter, it’s clear she’s just had the same thought. the way she crosses her arms over her chest, the authority of it and the terror, too, beckons you toward her from your place at the threshold.

“is everything okay?” you sigh out as you prop your hip against the adjacent table top. she is inspecting you, but smiles.

“yeah, yeah.” one of you sniffs. you shift your weight. “i came to see what you thought of joel.”

you almost laugh then, really laugh. “i don’t think anything of joel.”

she rolls this answer around behind her teeth. “mhm,” and then this time with finality, “mhm”.

you inspect her, now. “you don’t want him here.” it isn’t a question.

maria hums. “tommy wants him here.”

“that isn’t what i said.”

she purses her lips a moment. “yeah, i know.”

and you’re making the moment torturous for her, you’re certain, because you know why she’s come to you, why she’s standing in your kitchen like the elected leader she is, while something awful, something almost like alarm, leaks from the back of her neck onto your floorboards. you’d come to jackson a wild thing and she’d tamed you, and now you lived as a dirt woman who sunk her dagger into earth and green and life more permanent than humanity. she is proud of this, you think. and joel came as much of the same, with red hands that opened dripping, and maria needs him watched now the same way she watched you through your garden’s glass. you sigh again.

“what do you want me to do, maria? anything i’d say to tommy would be infinitely more effective from you.”

maria nods. “i don’t want you to say anything to tommy. i can live with joel in jackson. but he’s insisting on patrol, and i don’t know who else to put with him.”

your jaw seizes, and the heat of anger spreads itself along your neck and around your ears. you remember when you’d pleaded so kindly, crouching to make yourself smaller, hands collapsed together, begging to be useful, to be put outside, to protect jackson like it was yours. maria was as honest with you then as she is now, and she’d cited your instability (the reality of which is neither here nor there) to keep you off the rounds. you’d told tommy maria envisioned your actions before jackson as far more unforgivable than they were, though you knew that was a lie before you opened your mouth to say it. “patrol?”

she looks so solemnly at you you think you might die right there between your kitchen and the staircase. “yeah. i want you to be his patrol partner. i’m not looking to send him out there with a gun strapped to his back with one of the other gu-”

“and why does it have to be me?” and you’re really angry, now. for your unyielding quiet in this jackson existence you’d sewn together and the little strawberry you’d grown from nothing, still, still, you were at most and at least a violence. “why can’t you assign someone else?”

maria has this answer constructed already, it seems, for how fast she releases it, “because you’ll kill him.”

“noah would, if he had to. and leila. i can think of at least fi-”

“i’m not saying you would kill him. i’m saying you could.”

and suddenly you were again a wasp or spider, poisonous and unthinking, and the weight of the killing you did before jackson, which you had halfway successfully ignored to piece yourself into something good, perched its chin on the crown of your head. your father’s knife, laying up next to your bed after what was now years of tending to vegetables and stalks and leaves, howled with laughter, and it carried down the stairs to you like wind in summer, leadened and screaming and satisfied.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i hope you enjoyed this first part! like i said in my authors note, this is my first time writing a piece like this and certainly my first time posting it, so kindness is much appreciated, as is constructive criticism. part 2 coming (hopefully) soon🍓

update: chapter ii!!

[lionlena]

Unforgivable mistake (JoelMillerxreader) Part 2

Summary: Reader is much younger than Joel and is in love with  him. One night, after arguing with Tess and getting drunk, Joel spends  the night with a reader, but in the morning he breaks her heart… She  runs away from Boston hoping that she will never meet this cold bastard  again in her life. But almost six years later, she unexpectedly sees  Joel in Jackson. She decides to hide herself and her little secret from  this asshole.

Warnings: age gap (reader is about 28 years, Joel 58), strong language, swearing, past trauma, memories of sexual abuse, unprotect p in v,  dom!Joel, Joel is asshole, ANGST, hurt, sadness and heartbreaking

Part 2

 When you got home you were one big bundle of nerves. Your whole body was paralyzed with fear. You were in a cold sweat, you had difficulty catching your breath and you couldn't stop your tears. It was as if all the bad moments came back to you in an instant. Every loss, every pain, and fear. You managed to get into the shower and turned on the water, not caring that you were still wearing your clothes. You sat in the corner and cried.

Luckily, Teddy was with Claudia, so you don't had to worry about him.

 (flashback)

Traveling through wilderness, forests and abandoned cities was the disaster you expected. After only 6 months, of the group of ten people who left Boston, only you and Claudia remained. The rest died, either killed by a clicker, or in a trap set by other people, or from disease.

You and your friend were barely holding on either, though the journey had hardened you. But you had one more reason to fight for survival.

At first, you didn't worry about the lack of your period. You put it down to stress, small portions of food, and effort. But then your stomach started more chubby. Added to this was nausea and frequent fatigue, and when, 5 months after leaving Boston, you felt a kick inside you, you were sure.

That bastard left you not only with a shattered heart but a little piece of himself nestled in your womb.

But the strangest thing was that you didn't hate your child. Yes, YOURS. Only yours. You never thought otherwise. Joel's baby? Fuck no.

Your body fought every day for this little one's life. It was your determination that somehow prevented you from having a miscarriage.

You promised yourself that if you made it to the birth, you would give your child the love of the whole world. You will never look at your little one as a "mistake". You knew all too well the pain of being rejected.

Unfortunately, after 6 months, you and Claudia reached the "wall". Winter was approaching, you were exhausted and suddenly found yourself in mortal danger.

You have entered the territory of a people who hated intruders.

"Give me one reason why I shouldn't kill you?" snapped the woman who seemed to be the leader of the group.

You got up from your knees, put your hand on your belly, and decided to bet everything on one card.

"We don't want to be a problem. We're just looking for shelter because…" Claudia looked at you worriedly. Only a month earlier you told her about the baby. "I'm pregnant."

The woman looked at you sternly. "And you decided to risk that child's life and go on a journey."

You swallowed and replied. "I got pregnant the day before I left Boston. I couldn't have known."

"And father?"

"He's an asshole who thought a night with me was a mistake."

The woman jumped off her horse, walked over to you, and put her hand on your shoulder. "We'll help you."

Since then, Maria has always had a soft spot for you.

*

Suddenly you shook yourself. You couldn't just sit in the shower and cry. You had to fight for your son. Like you fought for him when he was in your belly.

You changed into dry clothes, prepared a meal for Teddy, and left a message for Claudia.

"I need to talk to Maria urgently. Please stay with Teddy. I'll be back as soon as I can."

*

Joel rubbed his cheek and entered the house. You didn't hurt him, but he was angry with you. What was wrong with you? He remembered how you fawned over him in Boston. You brought him cookies, you smiled at him and you were always close. Of course, the way he treated you in the morning, after the night together wasn't something he was proud of.  But he hoped you'd understand. He was drunk, you were willing.

He decided to just avoid you. Apparently, you were still a child who couldn't control his anger.

*

You found Maria in the cinema hall. You pulled her aside and asked to talk. She immediately noticed your puffy eyes.

"What happened?"

"Throw Joel out of here?"

"What?" She looked at you shocked. "You know, I'm not too fond of him, but Tommy says he's changed."

You grabbed her hand. "People like him don't change. He's an asshole... He's..."

"Y/N, understand me. As long as he doesn't do anything wrong, I can't kick him out."

You bit your lip and decided to grab your last chance. "Please, it's for Teddy's safety."

Maria raised her eyebrows. You were still in the cinema hall and some kids just started laughing.

"Let's go to my office."

You nodded your head and followed her. During your conversation, you didn't notice that Ellie was standing behind the pillar and she heard your whole conversation.

*

Ellie burst into the house shouting, "Joel!"

He came out of the kitchen and asked, "What happened?"

He could see that the girl was nervous, and that automatically alarmed him.

"That bitch, who lives next to us, wants to kick you out."

At first, he wanted to scold her for what she called you, but the second part of the sentence caught his attention too much.

"What are you talking about?"

Ellie repeated your entire conversation to him, and he grew angrier with every word. You crossed the line and he wasn't going to forgive you. And he had no idea who was Teddy you mentioned.

Finally, he put his hands on Ellie's shoulders and said, "Relax. After dinner, I'll go over to her and explain everything. If that doesn't help, I'll talk to Tommy. In Boston, she was in love with me and now she's getting revenge for me staying with Tess."

*

You came home with a heavy heart. You told Maria everything in detail. She stated that she hates Joel, but it's still his past, and she promised Tommy that she wouldn't punish Joel for his past sins.

You were devastated, but you understood her at the same time. When you got home you were greeted by Claudia. She looked at you worried. You didn't have to tell her anything. She spoke first.

"Teddy is already asleep."

You looked at her gratefully and wanted to cry. Sometimes you felt like you didn't deserve a friend like her.

"Thank you."

She nodded and grabbed her jacket. "Drink something strong and try to forget this dick lives next to you."

You sighed and fell onto the couch. "This will be difficult."

"At least try!" she screamed before closing the door behind her.

When a few minutes later you heard a knock, you were sure that Claudia forgot something. You opened the door without hesitation and paled at the sight of Joel's angry face.

"What the fuck are you thinking?!" Joel stepped inside and you stepped back. "I know you were talking to Maria! You must be acting like some little bitch who didn't get enough dick! You went to bed with me knowing I was in a relationship with Tess! What did you expect?! That I'd give you a plastic ring the next day and we will play family?!"

You were so shocked that instead of shoving him out and slamming the door shut, you just stood there and cringed. And suddenly a tiny voice behind you made Joel shut up, and you took a deep breath.

"Mommy?"

You quickly wiped your tears away before turning to him. Your son was standing in only pajamas. He was hugging a teddy bear to his chest. You could see that he was scared. That asshole's screams must have woken him up. You smiled at him and knelt in front of him, completely ignoring Joel's presence.

"Teddy, baby, what happened?"

The little boy sniffled and asked, "Why is this man shouting? Will he hurt you?"

You ran your hand through his brown curls and shook your head.

"This man... He's just talking too loud. I soon finish talking to him and I'll come over to hug you." Teddy didn't look convinced so you added, "And I'll bring you some warm milk with honey."

The toddler nodded and you kissed his cheek and waited for him to leave.

All the while, Joel stood silently, staring at the boy. He looked like a little copy of him, and for a second he wondered if he was his father, but dismissed it. He didn't know what happened to you when you left Boston. Anyone could be the boy's father.

You regained your confidence. You quickly got up and walked over to Joel, pushing him towards the exit.

"Listen to me, asshole," you hissed, but not loud enough, so Teddy can hear you again. "Yes, I talked to Maria because you're not a good person. For God's sake, Joel, you know it. You've done terrible things and you will continue to do them. Look at you. You come in here and yell at me. You call me a bitch and…" You took a deep breath and rubbed your temples. "You don't think you've done anything wrong to me? Hmm? So think about it, would you like someone to treat that young girl, who is under your care, in the same way as you treated me?"

"Don't bring Ellie into this," he growled.

"I won't if you stay away from me and my son."

"Okay," he muttered, and without further delay, he turned and walked away.

As you closed the door, you felt your legs shake, but you couldn't break down. Your son needed you.

*

As soon as he entered the house, Ellie immediately asked him: "Did you show that bitch where she belongs?"

"Don't call her that," he muttered.

The girl seemed clearly surprised. "Why?"

"Because I'm asking you to."

"As you wish," she replied and shrugged. "But what's next?"

He sighed heavily and held the bridge of his nose. "Just avoid her. She won't cause us any trouble if we don't cause her trouble."

"Okay," she moaned dramatically. "You softened, Joel."

He smiled and shook his head. "Possible."

*

Joel's problem was that avoiding you wasn't easy at all. By some coincidence, you two always left the house at the same time, even if you changed your hours. You passed each other in the stable and in the dining room. You always looked away and pursed your lips.

You hated it, but over time you just tried to accept it.

The most important thing was that you somehow managed to keep your sweet son away from that monster.

*

Joel was moody as he entered the stables. He was on patrol with Barbara again and... To put it mildly, he hated her. The woman was about forty years old, a tall, slim blonde with a mouth that wouldn't close. She was gossiping about everyone and worst of all, he noticed that she was trying to hit on him. Every chance she had, she touched his knee, shoulder, side... He always shuddered at it and wanted to growl at her to fuck off.

He was so lost in thought that he didn't notice the running boy, who hit his legs and fell on his bum. Joel immediately noticed tears gathering in his big brown eyes.

"Shit" he muttered under his breath and nervously looked around searching for "mother bear". You weren't anywhere around, so he knelt down beside the boy and offered his hand. He stroked the child's head. "Sorry Teddy, I didn't notice you... You're faster than a horse."

The baby boy looked at him surprised and with his help got up. "Really?"

Joel smiled. He didn't want the boy to cry. He had to comfort him somehow. "Sure! Fast as lightning. You're a fast little pony."

The little boy chuckled, his curls falling over his forehead. "Mommy always says I'll lose my legs if I run that fast."

"Hmm, interesting," he said and began to gently brush sand off the boy's pants. "What else does your mom say?"

Teddy grabbed his shirt. "That I should not talk to you."

"Teddy!" The boy immediately turned to your voice. "I was looking for you."

Your heart started beating faster when you noticed who was kneeling next to your son. You reached out your hand towards the child, wanting to get him away from this asshole as soon as possible. Your son waved to Joel and ran over to you.

You wanted to scold your son, but... He was so sweet and innocent. You couldn't blame him for being curious and open-minded like any child.

Joel slowly stood up and breathed a sigh of relief. He was afraid you'd make a fuss, but apparently, the presence of a child had a calming effect on you.

But throughout the patrol, he couldn't get the image of Teddy out of his head. He didn't listen to Barbara's chatter at all and suddenly asked, "What do you know about Y/N who lives next to me?"

The woman was clearly surprised that after such a long silence, he spoke to her. She furrowed her brow and smiled wickedly. "I think she's too young for you."

Joel winced. He didn't want to play in this game, but he wanted information. "Are you implying I'm old?" he asked resentfully.

The woman was clearly flustered. "No, I don't. That's not what I meant... It's just... Y/N has a mean personality and tends to stay away from men."

"And yet she has a child."

Barbara nodded. "Yeah, but she was already pregnant when she got here. Apparently, the father is someone from Boston."

Joel pretended with all his might that the news was not like a bucket of cold water for him. As if casually he said. "What kind of guy goes on a travel with his pregnant partner?"

"He didn't seem to know about the pregnancy. Y/N said she got pregnant the day before she left Boston, and the kid's father was an asshole."

Joel gripped the reins tighter and swallowed. "Really?" croaked.

Luckily for him, Barbara was so engrossed in talking about you that she didn't notice his nervousness. "I'm sure on 100%. I was on patrol at the time that we found her and that friend of hers. But I don't know if she was telling the truth. Maria was also pissed at her for risking pregnancy, so maybe she said that to calm her down. But I'm telling you, leave her alone, the city is full of better women."

She winked at him, but he no longer looked at her or listened. He was lost in his thoughts and wanted to talk to you as soon as possible. He had to know the truth, and he didn't know whether he'd be relieved or sad if Teddy wasn't his child. And if it turns out that he has a son ... Another child to lose.

*

You had already put your son to bed when you heard a knock on the door. You felt nauseous when you saw Joel. You tried to control your nerves and hissed, "Are you here to scare my baby again?"

"Just tell me, did Teddy is my son?"

You frozen. You felt as if all the oxygen had escaped from your lungs and you were to suffocate. You stared at him and remained silent. You knew the longer it went on, the more you convinced him of paternity. You finally cleared your throat and managed to choke out, "No..." Joel felt a mixture of relief and sadness, but just as he was about to ask another question, you added. "You're not his father. You're just a sperm donor."

He looked at you sadly and tried to find some words: "I…"

You saw how sensitive he was at that moment and decided to hit even harder. "Do you remember, Joel, I was just a hole you filled with cum. No feelings. Let it be. You don't have any feelings for Teddy. He's my son, only mine. To you, he was just a mistake."

Joel never thought that the words he said to you back then would come back to him and hit him with such force. He didn't even know what to say and just waited to see what you would do next.

"Now, to quote you, fuck off before Teddy wakes up."

And then you just closed the door in his face anyway and smiled. You didn't even care if Joel stayed at your door all night like a homeless mongrel.

You've never felt so satisfied in your life.

*

Part 1

Part 3

Taglist:   @ajeff855, @anislabonis-love,  @o-sacra-virgo-laudes-tibi,    @i-workwithpens, @milla-frenchy,  @quality-lust  @liatome  @sarahhxx03 @creedslove @jojo-munson @pascalislove​ @sofiparallel 

[jobean12-blog]

Helping Hands

Pairing: Joel Miller x female reader

Word Count: 704

Summary: Joel's working on fixing something that you'll love but as soon as you come to see what it is he gets distracted...in the best way.

Author's Note: This is just 700 words of pure indulgence because these small moments are everything for me and if I had Joel I wouldn't want his hands anywhere but on me all the time and I love when two people just can't get enough of each other and just the smallest touch is everything. Anyway hehe thank you all so much for reading! Much love always! ❤️❤️❤️Divider by the lovely @firefly-graphics thank you Daisy!🥰

Warnings: Soft and sweet fluffy fluff

Pedro Pascal Masterlist

“What are you working on?”

Joel’s head whips up at the sound of your voice and he blinks, clearly pulled from concentration.

“What’s that darlin’?” he asks, his attention now completely focused on you.

His gaze wanders slowly down your body and he leans back in the chair, smoothing his large hands over his spread thighs.

With a gentle smile you walk to the table and lean your hip against the edge.

“I was wondering what you were up to.”

“Oh,” he says with a lopsided smile. “I found this old record player and I was going to try to get it to work again but it’s a mess.”  

Your face brightens at the thought of hearing music.

“I know,” he says with understanding. “I’ll do my best.”

You lean in and kiss his scruffy cheek and with your lips still pressed to his skin he turns his head and finds your mouth, whispering softly, “wanna help?”

“Me?” you ask as you pull away slightly. “Are you sure? I have no idea how to use tools or anything.”

Laugh lines appear around his eyes and then he pats his big, thick thigh.

“Get over here.”

You drag your teeth over your bottom lip and move around him to climb onto his thigh. You can feel the rough material of his jeans on your skin and every flex of his muscle.

With a shaky inhale you scoot back and get comfortable.

He wraps his left arm around your waist and secures you against his chest.

“Ok hold this,” he instructs before pointing to the needle on the record player.

He then grabs the screw driver and begins unscrewing something with his right hand. When it pops off he sets it down and studies the machine.

“Hmm…” he muses. “We might need parts…good thing I have this old thing.”

He leans forward to grab the old radio on the table. The warmth and weight of his body is so welcoming that you let out a contented sigh and snuggle closer.

“Where did you get that?” you ask, turning your head to find him only a breath away, his dark brown eyes trained on your mouth.

The arm wrapped around your belly flexes and his large hand splays along your skin.

“Don’t you dare look at me like that,” you murmur. “I want this thing fixed.”

“Thought that’s what we were doin’ angel,” he smirks.

“If you keep this up it’ll never get fixed.”

“Keep what up?” he asks with feigned innocence even as his hand slowly slides along the curve of your body.

You melt against him as warmth spreads across your skin.

“Joel,” you breathe out.

“It’ll get fixed darlin’…but it’s hard to concentrate now.”

“Well that’s your fault,” you whisper. “You asked for help.”

His calloused fingertips ghost over your arm, leaving goosebumps in their wake, and then find your neck, trailing along the delicate skin until he’s pressing them under your chin and tilting your face closer.

“Joel,” you hum with one last weak attempted warning as your eyelids flutter closed.

“Hm?” he grunts as he brushes his lips to yours.

“Thought you wanted help.”

He pulls back and traces his thumb over your lips.

“This is helping.”

His hand slides to the back of your neck and wraps around it before he tugs you down to his mouth.

Your own hand smooths up and over his chest and your fingers curl into his hair, giving it a sharp tug.

“Angel,” he growls.

He stands in one swift motion and takes you with him, gently letting you slide down his body until your feet hit the ground, his mouth still on yours.

With sure steps he walks you backward toward the wall and pins you there with his large frame.

You let out a moan of his name and reach your fingers under his shirt to feel his skin.

He rests his hands on either side of your face, sweeping his thumbs softly over your closed eyes.

“I promise,” he starts on a murmur before kissing the corner of your mouth. “I’ll get it fixed.”

His lips are just a breath away, his nose lightly brushing yours…” just need you first darlin.’ Please.”

@lorilane33 @hiddles-rose @littleseasiren @kmc1989 @blackwidownat2814

[adelliet]

Joel Miller x F!reader

Relax for me

Summary: You work at Jackson as a helper not only for kids but for everyone, but no one is kind of there for you. Every men in here aren't just your type, unless someone appeared here and show you how to treat a woman right.

Warnings: 15+, oral sex (f receiving), unprotected sex (piv), dominant, dirty talk a bit, nicknames, one mention of Y/N, beeast playing, soft Joel, apocalypse period

A/N: Hi! I am so sorry for mistakes, if there are any, but english isn't my first language. Enjoy, sending love!

════ ⋆★⋆ ════

You are washing dishes right now, trying to get off every dirt you could see by your sharp eyes. You already had a half of dishes done, half still waiting for you. It was boring, you have to admit it, but at least you have a window right infront of you, so you could see every act or move that someone do outside. It would be nice, but the town is very quiet, as usual, and nothing is really happening.

You sigh tiredly, as you look back at your hands, washing the already clean and nice white ceramic plate. You put it to the dripper right next to you, and as you reached for another plate to wash, you heard horses and people chattering loudly outside. Your attention was immediately drawn to these sounds and you peered out of the window curiously, pupils dilated and eyes as big as buttons.

Your washing motions suddenly slowed as you saw several men on horses, and behind them were two people you hadn't seen before in the city. They looked like travelers, as if they got lost here. On one horse was a little girl, around 15 years old you would say, while on the other was an older big man who immediately caught your eyes, but also your whole body. When you saw him, goosebumps ran up your spine and your legs and arms began to shake. You had to put the plates down and stop washing or you would have broken something because of how much you were shaking at the sight of the handsome man.

This time you stopped watching the other people and surroundings and just focused on the handsome old man who looked surprised when he focused on someone from the big group of people, that were standing curiously around them. He quickly dismounted from his horse, as Tommy approached him. You raised an eyebrow at him in confusion, as you saw Tommy and the man hugging each other. It seemed like they were pretty good friends and hadn't seen each other for a long time. You figured that was exactly how it was and got a little mad at Tommy, when he didn't tell you about the man. But your rage only lasted for a moment, when you then saw how Tommy was leading the girl and your dream man straight to you, to your house, where you were just washing the dishes.

You started panicking a little, your shaking started raising and you couldn't evem hold something in your hands, because if you do, you would let it fall immediately. You have no idea what to do, the only thing that was on your mind right now was looking a little good infront of the unknown man. That's why you look at the window, so you could see yourself in it a little, and started to style your hair. But there wasn't really much you could do about it, because after a while you heard the wooden door creak and the cold winter wind enveloped the whole house, including you. You were a little knocked up by the coldness, but you weren't shaking so much as you were with the nervousness and excitement of seeing this man face to face in a moment.

“So you can be here now, and then we can figure out where you will be living next” you heard Tommy saying this to the new people, and the steps, that you could definitely say they contained two big men and one tiny girl. You turn around to be ready and put your hands behind you, making your boobs pop out a little. You set a big cute smile on your face and wait, till everyone will see you and you will see them too.

They finally appeared around the corner. Of course there was Tommy and the little girl, but it was the man who looked even more attractive up close that caught your attention. His mustache and beard, which were slightly gray with age, and his soft hair, which curled slightly and was gray-silver in color. He was wearing a brown coat with a checkered dark green shirt underneath that you longed to wear. You'd bet everything he must look amazing under all those clothes.

You stared at him like he was a beautiful painting, like a living version of the mona lisa. You couldn't take your eyes off him, your body just wouldn't let you, and the man felt the same way. As soon as he saw you, he didn't take his eyes off you just like you couldn't take yours. He even stopped paying attention to anything Tommy said or what the little girl said, his focus was only on you. You could catch a glimpse of his beautiful brown eyes, which reminded you of warmth and sunshine, as if you were lying on the beach and the rays of the sun were tanning your whole body in pimps.

Tommy started realising, that there is something between you two, because the way and the lenght you were staring at each other, wasn't definitely normal. That's why he started to act more, to get both of your attention. He clear his throat pretty loudly and started talking intensely and distinctly. “Okay lovebirds, I think it's time to introduce yourselfs” he tap few times with his palm on the man's back pretty hard, till he was finally focused only on Tommy.

“This is my brother, Joel, and there is…uh…” he wanted to talk about the little girl, tha were standing beside Joel like some oath, but he didn't know who exactly she was, so she introduced herself. “Ellie, Joel's cargo” she joked making you chuckle slightly. When Joel saw and heard your sweet soft laugh, his heart melted and his facial muscles automatically formed into a loving smile. Tommy started being more and more suspicious about Joel, because he never saw him smile like that, not even at a woman.

“Hi” you said really quietly, they hardly even hear you and you wave shyly, at Joel and Ellie, your face turn red as Joel's smile got bigger after your cute move. He just nodded as a greeting back and he still didn't take his eyes off yours, his smile still held on his face as if it was stuck. Even Ellie looked surprised at Joel's reaction too, it wasn't really common behavior from him. She put on a mischievous smile as she kept glancing at you and at Joel, in circles and alternately. Tommy was in a similar situation, but at least he managed to get Joel's attention for a moment.

“And this is our helper, Y/N” Tommy made your job easier and introduced you. You didn't hear much of what Joel responded to your name, but you could read from his lips that he repeated your name silently to himself with with loving eyes and his smile still didn't drop until you broke eye contact with him, and looked at Tommy, who made it clear to you that from now, you are taking care of both of them. “She will show you around and show you your nee rooms. Be nice to her" he added to Joel's ear and pat him on Joel's back, which made him balance a little, but he coped it well.

When Tommy left, you do as he told and take control of them. “Follow me” you said with a gorgeus smile on your face, looking at Ellie but when you look at Joel again, your face started being so warm that you needed to look away. You get infront of them, so that they could see where are you going. You led them to the second floor, up the stairs where there were several doors. You walked over to the two of them, that were at the end of the hall, and waited for them to come up to you so, they could hear and see you. “So these two rooms are free, exactly for you. It's up to you how you split them up now" you said and pointed your hand at the doors next to you, so they could see a demonstration. Ellie immediately rushed to the door that was closer to you. You therefore stepped away from it to give her a better passage inside.

When she entered into the room, "Holy fuck!" was heard, which caused a slight joy and laughter in you. Joel chuckled too, but still apologized for Ellie. "I'm sorry, Ellie doesn't know her manners-" "It's okay, I understand her” you snapped at Joel but not in a rude way. “Joel, you need to fucking see it-!” “ELLIE!” Joel raised his voice a little, trying to point out to her not to speak obscenely at last, but she was so impressed with her new room that she did not even notice this little thing.

“Well come in and see by yourself” You nodded your head towards the door that was only inches away from the one Ellie had just appropriated. Joel turned towards the bright cherry red door, opened it slowly and safely, and stepped smoothly inside. Normally you would have left him to meditate in his room by himself, but clearly, this was not a normal situation, at least for you. Joel left the door open, thus indicating that he expects you to follow him there.

You didn't cross the line, that split the hallway and the room, but you get closer to the door to look at Joel, how he walk around the room and ran two fingers over the furniture, making you felt a little pulsw down your panties, as you watch his big fingers. Of course your mind started working immediately, and you imagined and creat a milion, maybe bilion scenarios of Joel, putting these fingers into you, making you come without seconds. You needed to stop these thoughts, otherwise you would literally leaked the wettnes through your shorts. “Is there anything else I can help you with, sir?”

When you ask him this question, you could see his slight, devilish smile appeared on his face and he took a deep breath as he tilted his head back to stare at the ceiling. Oh god he's seriously torturing you! You kept yourself from making any sound of excitement. If you had a dick, it would already be up long time ago, but instead you have a complete fire in your panties. You needed to cross your legs to keep the fire only in this area, and also so that Joel wouldn't know anything. After he take a deep breath, he turned his head to you, still smirking at you. “Even though i like it, call me Joel” he said, now his body was directly facing you too.

“Okay Joel, is there anything?” You voice was kind of shaky as you said his name. It felt so strange but good, maybe too good. “No, I don't think so princess” your legs started shaking as he teasing you with the nickname he just called you. Even that your pussy was literally dying for Joel's cock, and you whole body, including your voice, was fully shaking, you trying to kept your decency. “A-alright. Good night then” you ran away quickly, closing his doors and smile at him, one last time, as the smallest inch that still left, before you close the door fully, hit and you could make the last eye contact for today.

You quickly get to your room, closing your door right behind you, and sat on the floor, relaxing your back and head on the white door, that you just closed. “Oh my gosh” you whimpered in the air, trying to process what just happened. How can a human, make you feel like this? That you cannot talk, walk, or do anything. That he could say anything, and you would do it right away. You were surprised by your reactions at Joel's words, but you weren't really surprised either. When you recapitulated the whole thing in your head, you would always react the same way over and over again, that's just the way it is.

As you finally, aftwr a while, went to the bathroom to shower and get ready for bed, you couldn't stop thinking about Joel, his shirt, his bushy hair that you'd love to run your fingers through and scratch his head, his incredibly amazing puppy eyes, the which you could look at for hours and never stop being entertained, and best of all, his hands. He wasn't very muscular, like some bodybuilder, but he was muscular to you. His hands look big from a distance, what must they look like up close? How it must look on your cheeks, your hips...oh god.

The horniness that Joel aroused in you, began to increase with every millisecond just thinking about him. Not only did he start doing mischief in your vagina, but also all over your body. You wanted so badly to pleasure yourself, to touch yourself and come over the man of your dreams, but your anxiety wouldn't handle it. After all, the man you'd be touching yourself over is only a few feet away, what if he heard you? Or worse, what if he caught you? You couldn't let this happen and you had to endure it through gritted teeth and finally go to sleep.

~~~

Few minutes past, to be specific half hour, and you were finally smooth and clean, ready to go to sleep. Everything was going smoothly until you decided not to go to sleep yet. After all, Ellie and Joel are your guests, you have to take care of them, it's your duty, your job. So you decided, in just a low-cut top and light shorts, to go check on both of them. When you lightly and quietly knocked on Ellie's door, nothing came, so you decided to walk in slowly. Ellie was already in bed sleeping under the covers, so you just turned off the lights and closed the door back, you didn't want to wake her up. Now comes the hard part, Joel.

You take a deep, deep breath before you knock on his door, quietly too, and wait for answer. He was clearly awake, because you heard him saying: “open”. You walk in then, steady and slowly, and your eyes immediately catch Joel laying in his bed with a knife in his hand. You got scared at first, but he calmed you down as he explained that he just cleaned the knife and examined it closely. “I-i just wanted to ask you if you need anything, before I go to sleep” you said, pointing your thumb behind you, to show that your room is in the hallway on the other side. Joel was only staring at you for a moment, without a single word. His eyes darkened all of the sudden and you could felt the cold, coming from his, now dark black eyes. “There is actually”

Your heartbeat started raising, as his hungry eyes travels up and down, checking your body and clothes you wore. You both knew, that you are fully naked behind them. You had no bra, no panties, no underwear at all. You never sleep with underwear on and this night was no different. You felt goosebumps running fast and intense from your legs to your shoulders as Joel slowly stood up. He looked like a bear, a hungry wild animal that is still gentle. “W-w-what is it?” You asked really quietly, your voice shaky and stressed, as he slowly moved closer and closer to you. You had mixed feelings of horror and fear, but excitement and anticipation at the same time. His smirk still hasn't fade out yet.

You getting ready to step behind you, as Joel was getting really closer, but he stopped at a pretty distance from you, so you don't even need to back up. He stood right infront of you, still checking you out without any feeling of embarrassment or awkwardness, not at all, he looks pretty confident. After a while, he finally look at your eyes, making the most intense and exciting eye contact in your whole life. “Can you show me how to make my bed? You know after the apocalypse I wasn't able to even see a normal bed in a few years” he said, slightly in his normal husky voice and scratched his neck as his head tilted back on the bed. You didn't know if you were more relieved or sad that he didn't say what you wanted, but either way you calmed down and got some of your confidence back.

“Yeah, sure” you said with a smile finally and calm face, and walked around Joel, feeling his eyes glued on you. When you get close enough to the bed, you started your 'teaching'. “So you just take this side, and you put it right here, nice and straight…” you said as you were folding his shriveled duvet. You were mostly focused on showing Joel how to make the bed, but you knew very well that he was right behind you, and apparently not looking at the bed at all. “And with that, you do just one more step, and you're done!” You straightened up and happily watched the perfectly placed comforter on the man's bed. You were proud of yourself because you had never done it so well. “Well and-” you turned your back to the bed only to bump into Joel's huge chest that was dangerously close to you.

Horrified, you looked up, only to see Joel with his sly smirk again. You really started to panic in this situation. You could smell his alcohol smell mixed with the smell of nature and weapons, you loved it. “Uh I- um” you trying to find the words but you just can't. This was the situation you were thinking before, that he made you just lise your words and balance too, which showed itself in a moment. Joel was slightly moving forward, so he forced you to back up, but since the bed that you touched with your feet was right behind you, you unexpectedly bumped into it, lost your balance and fell on it. The fall was accompanied by a slight squeal, thanks to the shock and surprise.

You were sitting on the bed, your arms leaning on the bed, and you watched Joel gracefully drop to his knees. You didn't stop looking at each others eyes, his eyes were so mesmerizing and he is all too aware of it. You widened your eyes as Joel's smile get bigger, when he slowly starts touching your legs with his big, big hands and arms. He was scrubbing some part of your legs with his thumb, making you sqeeze the sheet under you. Joel was trying to read from your eyes and see, if you like it or not, but it was really difficult. You looked scared but excited at the same time, and you actually were scared and excited.

“W-we can't” you whispered, thinking Joel won't even hear you but he clearly did, and answer immediately. “Why not?” His hands started slowly and steady spreading your legs apart, making his view on your very sensitive area from your whole body. You exhale deeply as he do that, trying not to scream. “Is it because of my brother?” he asked gently, teasing you as his hands goes further to your thighs, closer and closer to your entrance. You watched every move he made, and it felt so fucking good. The feeling of his massive hands on your thights, the warm that went through your whole body, it was an incredible feeling.

You shooke your head to no, and still watch him with a big pupils. “Then what is stopping us?” his voice was groany with hunger and lust, only for you. His hands were now only few, really few centimetres from where you were desperate for his fingers to have, and not only for the fingers. “I don't know” you were so innocent and quiet as a mouse. If only Joel knew all the things you imagined you would do with him, he would look at you completely differently, but since he doesn't, he saw you exactly like this, quiet and innocent, which attracted him immensely.

Before you even finish your sentence, he he attacked your lips drastically and desperately with his own, placing both hands on your cheeks so he could correct your face as he pleased. You imagined that Joel was a good kisser, but you couldn't have imagined this much in your wildest dreams. The way your lips met, the way your tongues touched, the way his hands hold your head tight, your heart was melting. Just like you, Joel loved the way your saliva mingled, the way you didn't even fight your tongue too much, showing your submissiveness. Of course he would have kissed you much longer, but this was not in his plan.

He pulled away from your lips, immediately made eye contact with you and slowly leaned down, right between your legs. You started to get a little stressed and nervous, so you stopped thinking about everything and just focused on Joel's touches, only on him. He smile as he saw your worried eyes and your shaking legs, it made him feel powerful. “Promise me, you will make that noises as much as your body will allow” he said, licking his index and middle finger and with puffy chocolate eyes he waited for your answer. You just nodded your head briskly and watched eagerly as his hands removed your shorts in one powerful movement, ending up at your ankles on the ground. Now you were directly exposed, your main sexual organ and Joel could proudly say he was the first man to see it.

He then waited no more seconds and gently put his index finger in your entrance, making you moan quietly and close your eyes. It wasn't painfull, of course it wasn't, but it was something different. The feeling that someone else is putting his hands inside you, even better when it was Joel, gosh your butterflies in your stomach started going wild. He then began to lightly curl his finger inside you, making you throw your head back and sigh softly but clearly. This was all just the beginning.

Unbeknownst to you, he subtly stuck his middle finger in as well, which made you sigh louder, but still formally. Your surprise made you feel even better and you enjoyed his big fingers in your small vagina. A few minutes and your legs started to open and close on their own, occasionally touching Joel's head by mistake, but he loved it. It was all beautiful but something was missing, which Joel added in a moment. He added his other hand to the situation, gently rubbing against your most sensitive part of your body, your clit, and this was just something. You were twitching all over, you couldn't not move, it wasn't possible. The way both his hands and fingers were interlocked, they created an even bigger fire down there.

He watched you like a statue. He recorded your every movement, even if it was just a tiny one, perhaps invisible to the naked eye. He trying to learn your body, your moves, everything about you. He try a magical things with his fingers inside you, and try to find out what position of them make you feel the best. It didn't take long for him to find the exact way to make you moan louder and more often.

You weren't yourself anymore You flinched as Joel teased your clit and made a complete ripple inside you with his fingers. All the worries and stress and problems were suddenly there when you felt that you were approaching the edge. It felt like a battle in your lower abdomen, excitement and the feeling of having to go to the bathroom rushed through your whole body, and you knew very well that you wouldn't last too long. His thick big fingers inside you made you stretch so much, that after that, you could fit in there anything.

“Oh fuck~” you sighed as you started feeling the climax taking total control over you. Joel were staring at you like a creep, smiling that you will come in a minute on his hands. “C'mon princess” Joel tries to cheer you up a little and it definitely helps, because every time you heard Joel's deep warm voice, you whole body started heating up in a unimaginable speed. You imagined in your life a lot, you have very good fantasy, but you wouldn't have imagined this even for God's sake. The excitement, the passion, the heat and the feeling of fullness was so beautiful that you thought for a moment that Jesus was fucking you with his hands.

“Oh my- Joel~”

There it comes. You feel it. The strange feeling to get it all out and fearing that it will be an awkward moment. The feeling that makes you quickly throw your head back, close your eyes tightly and dig your nails right into the covers beneath you, thightened your walls around Joel's fingers so that he knew too, that you gonna come in a second. Moaning Joel's name across the whole room, you finally realise your self on his hand.

You didn't really care if anyone heard you or not, the only thing you could focus on right now was your unforgettable orgasm causes only by Joel's fingers. After the nice tickling that spreads all over your body, including your lady part, you struggle to catch your breath, eyes still closed. Now all your senses came back and you started to blush in embarrassment. You quickly opened your eyes and lowered your head only to see a wickedly smiling Joel who was as happy as if he had just received a Christmas present, as far as possible your orgasm was a present for Joel, but definitely not the last one.

“Good girl sweetheart,” he said with a comforting smile on his face, not bealiving that he really exist how gorgeous this man is. “-but I am not done with you yet” the soft smile immediately transformed into a devilish grin. But before you could even widen your eyes in fear and raise your eyebrows, Joel stopped you and the surprised gasp turned into a comforting moan.

Joel now had his lips glued to your vagina, his tongue inside you again, it went smoothly as you were already wet all over from the previous orgasm. His large sculpted nose rubbed pleasantly against your rather sensitive clitoris, which you couldn't take anymore, and you had to make another physical contact with Joel. You grabbed his soft gray hair and very gently that he didn't even feel it whenever you flinched at his curling of his tongue inside you. Once again, all your senses went blank and all you could feel was his wet tongue, bulbous nose and velvety hair. You didn't even notice how loud you were as you sighed with delight at Joel's name and vulgarities over and over. At the same time, you didn't care that now you don't look like the decent and well-mannered girl you did when you met.

Joel wanted to talk to you, to make you feel safe and horny at the same time, but he really couldn't as his full face were on your labia, but he still groan into you, sending the vibration of his voice to your cervix. How much your body were overstimulated, you knew you wouldn't hold your realise in for too long. The heat that goes from Joel's mouth to your cheeks, made your face goes red but not only because of the hot air. The room was soon filled with nothing but your sighs and Joel's mumbling into your genitalia. Joel knew exactly what he was fucking doing.

The way his big palms going back and forth on your thighs, where he sometimes squeezed them gently, the way he sometimes pressed his nose on purpose against your clitoris, which caused a pained squeak to escape from your languid lips, and the most important part, how his most flexible muscle in his body made different shapes, moving from side to side, front to back and in and out of your hole. All these combinations together drove you crazy. His beard tickled you slightly and sometimes it stung, which made it worse...or better? Your strokes of Joel's hair started to get stronger and more intense as you felt that tight feeling again not only in your stomach but also in your vagina.

“Joel I am gonna-“

You said real quick, like you were in a rush and you actually were, because in a few seconds after you said that, your sweet liquid came out from you, right inside Joel's mouth, making him hum in in pleasure as he sipped all your juice. Your eyes wide opened, your chest moving up and down in a rapid speed, your mouth trying to get enough oxygen into your lungs so that not only your breathing but also your heartbeat finally calms down and returns to the normal position it was before you experienced all of this with Joel.

He let you rest for a while and gather strength. Meanwhile, he licked off all your liquid that was still left on his mustache and fingers, which he didn't have time to eat earlier. When you started seeing normaly again and everything wasn't blurry anymore, you looked at Joel again, with a relief and a relaxing light smile. To be honest, you didn't feel the least bit embarrassed, more like guilty that he had given you two orgasms in quick succession and you hadn't done anything for him. “Are you okay princess?” he asked with his deep but soft voice, raising both of his eyebrows so that he give you his cute chocolate puppy eyes. You couldn't really talk, so you just nodded with your heavily breath and the sweat were dropping from your forehead.

His face immediately formed into a grin of happiness, but after a moment you could see nothing but darkness, black and cold from his eyes again, which permeated the entire room at an abnormal speed. Goosebumps automatically appeared on all parts of your body and you shivered slightly as the chill went down there as well. You wanted to ask him, if he want something too, you would do anything. Even if he want to fuck in your ass, you would allow it, but before you could even breath in and say something, your lips were on Joel's, where you could still taste your sweet juice.

They were very aggressive and rough, he even bit your lips a few times, making you bleed from them slightly, but you loved it. He was tasting your saliva and wrestling your tongue. His body weighed you down so much that you had to lie on your back on the bed and this automatically wrapped your arms around Joel's neck while his were on your bare sides. “Your lips taste amazing” he growled as he attacked them again, his large warm palm traveling down your body. You felt his hand on your stomach, slowly riding up until he bumped into your light t-shirt, which was a very light challenge for Joel. He gently moved his hand under the t-shirt where he found your bare breasts and squeezed one of them tightly, causing you to moan into the kisses. You could feel his devilish smirk after you moan, so of course he put a bigger tension in holding your breast, which caused that you needed to break the kiss and breath the air.

“You like that, don't ya?” he asked, voice like a hungry wolf and fingers moving slightly around your nipple. Your eyes were still closed, you didn't even had that confidence to open them and look at Joel, how hungry he was for you. As he massaged your breast gently but hard at the same time, you heard the belt unfasten quickly and immediately after a sound of dropping some material on the floor, which you logically deduced that Joel had just removed his pants with only one hand, and really quickly without inhibitions. It turns you even more on feeling his cock's head on your thights, and you could say only from that, that it's huge as fuck.

“Are you ready sweetheart?” he asked gently, slowing his moving with his hand around your boob and focusing on your face, to see your answer. You open your eyes finally, little curious how his dick is looking, but his eyes trapped you from looking anywhere else, but only in his dark eyes with a lust. You nodded with agreement, but you were still little frightened about it, and of course Joel recognized it on you. That was the reason why he moved his palm to your cheek and gently stroked it with his thumb, making you feel a little more comfortable and safe. A tear were dropping from your eyes down your face, still from the last two orgasm you had earlier but not only because of them.

His puppy eyes tells you that it's gonna be okay, that you don't need to worry about it. Joel didn't even need to say anything to make you trust him, so when you relaxed your eyes and whole body, Joel immediately took advantage and slowly entered you with his penis. Even though you thought it would be painless, it certainly wasn't. Joel wasn't even halfway through and you were already squealing in pain, more and more tears welling up in your eyes and you had to bite your lips with your teeth so hard they started to bleed. Your back arched and your walls closed, not allowing Joel to continue any further. He groans as you stopped him before he was even halfway there. “C'mon babygirl, relax for me” he said, started rubbing your cheek by his thumb again, but this time all you could focus on was that feeling of fullness and you couldn't even imagine that anything else could fit in there.

“Princess look at me” your eyes still closed, but your body sligtly relax as you used to the lenght, or at least temporary length for now. “Look at me” Joel repeat himself, with more roughness and aggression in his voice that it automatically forced you to open your eyes and look at his chubby face. You were still bitting your lips, as you try to eased the pain. “Can you relax for me?” deep, comforting and the ear-pleasing voice intoxicated you so much that without you doing anything, your body practically relaxed on its own, making more room for Joel to continue and push him all the way into you. He didn't hesitate for a second and slowly pushed it in, even though you were more relaxed than before, it still hurt. He stretched you so hard that you thought you might burst, it looks like his lenght was infinite.

“Good girl, good girl-“ his voice cracked as he was getting closer to put all his lenght into you, and as your walls started getting slowly tightened around his cock. You felt that you won't take any more, that this is your maximum but apparently, it wasn't. Few inches left and Joel lose his patience about taking it slowly, so when he was really close to the root, he pushed it aggressively into you so much, that the sound of the slap could be heard along with your loud sigh, full of pleasure but relief at the same time. “Wasn't that hard, was it?” he whispered with a little pain, as he tries so much to hold back his natural instinct to thrust into you hardly.

You shake your head for answer, your vision gray and blurry, all sounds muffled and all you felt and sensed was Joel and his cock inside you. “Focus on my voice alright?” his voice was sweet but harsh and rough at the same time, but above all it was soothing. He has exactly the kind of voice that would make you fall asleep within minutes. You nodded again, not using your words or speaking and you started getting ready for the pushing. But you couldn't prepare enough for that, it's impossible.

Joel slowly, smoothly and lightly started thrusting into you, which was uncomfortable at first and you had to hold on so you wouldn't kick Joel away with your legs, but after a while of thrusting it just got better and better. It started to become more smooth as you slowly but surely started to fill again with your endless juice. Your pained moans slowly began to turn into full pleasure and your legs opened, feeling you want more. Joel quickly picked up on all these signs and understood that he should start adding speed, which he did. The sound of his pelvis slapping against your ass, the breaths he made and the wet sounds, god it was amazing!

It didn't take long for him to find that sweet spot deep inside, that made you even wilder, than when he licked or fingered you. As he was speeding up his speed as well as the force of his thrusts, his sighs gets louder and more devastated, but they weren't as loud as yours. “That's right baby, just like that” pulling him out of you, and then all the way in again, makes you jumped a little and digging your nails into the back of his neck, which was already so scratched. He thrust it into you faster and faster. And again and again and again. “F-fuck” he groans as his orgasm started being too close, so was yours. You started curling your toes and thick closing your eyes, as you felt that you are going to come soon too.

It really didn't take too long, and after a few fast and hard thrust of Joel, your walls thightened, wanting to pull his dick away and the cold and fresh feeling of realise swallowed you whole as you sighed Joel's name one last time as loudly and cuttingly as you could. Joel didn't last long as his cock was wrapped around your walls anyway, and moments after you reached your orgasm, you heard Joel's attractive and loud growl like a bear, as he threw his head back and filled you all over with his cum.

You both stayed like that for a while, breathing like you had just run a marathon and sweating just as much. But after a while, Joel needed more rest, so he gently pulled his massive cock out of you, which was again an incredibly pleasant feeling, and collapses right next to you. You both had your eyes closed, all you could hear was your hot breaths. You were so tired, exhausted and out of energy that there was no way you were going back to your room and Joel totally respected and understood that. He himself was abnormally tired.

“Great job princess” he complimented you after a while when he finally had enough oxygen in him to speak. You couldn't help but smile at his praise. Right after he said that you felt the sensation of a large hand underneath you, pulling you closer to the hot sweaty male body. You purred pleasantly and rested your head on his toned chest, listening to his heartbeat. After a while, when your bodies weren't so overheated with adrenaline, Joel covered you both with the blanket you had laid so nicely.

“Hope we gonna see each other more often” he said, finally in his normal relaxing voice. You smiled even more when he said that. “I swear on my life we will” making both of you giggled a bit, Joel gives you a sweet little kiss into your hair for goodnight. You move a bit to make yourself comfortable and it didn't took you long enough to fall asleep.

And there you are, sleeping in big man's arms, making your dream come true, after a wild night you never forget, because it was your best night you ever had, and the best part is, that this isn't definitely your last night like that.

════ ⋆★⋆ ════

[elliespuns]

hello!! first of all, i don't intend to say this as a way to create a fuss or anything like that, i just see your blog as a space where we can debate a lot of tlou related topics and i want to know your opinion about it :-) anyways, while i did enjoy the hbo series, i also think it was very flawed in translating both joel and ellie's personalities - but i want to focus on joel's atm.

i don't think joel is "insensitive" on the game, but i do believe the fact that he tried so hard to hide his feelings and barely ever showed his soft side is a SUPER important characteristic of his.

i don't mind the way pedro played joel but at the same time i just cannot see both of them as the same man. and i don't talk only about the scenes where joel was visibly anxious or cried, but also the torture scene. i think it is one of the most iconic scenes on the game (also, I'm the one who asked you to take pics of it a couple weeks ago LOL) specially cause it shows us joel doesn't have to go out of his way to be a menace. the fact that pedro had to scream and etc to make them fear him bothers me sooo much.

i think pedro was more than capable to play a joel that is both too much of a father figure for his own good AND a tough son of a b*tch that can and will kill people with his bare hands to protect whatever is important to him.

from my point of view, crying during the "i saved her" scene is really out of character for game joel. when the guy just confesses he killed a bunch of people, "doomed" the whole world just to keep his little girl safe and then lied straight to her face, but his expression shows no hint of sadness whatsoever, that, for me, is the peak of his character.

"if somehow the lord gave me a second chance at that moment, i'd do it all over again". of course he's hurt that ellie doesn't trust him anymore, and of course he wasn't exactly happy to kill those fireflies, but he did what he thought was right and he'd rather have ellie hate him for another thousand years to come than know he just left such a sweet girl to die in the hands of a crumbling group, in the name of a cause he never really cared about. he knows his actions will have consequences but he doesn't cry cause he is willing to die for it (and he really did).

sorry for rambling but i really want to read other people's opinion about it!!

First of all, I love how perfectly you've just described game Joel. This is exactly how I feel about our man, and even if I tried, I could never put it into words like this. Hands down, bro, this is so well said.

Both Ellie and Joel were portrayed differently in the show (it's not the worst thing; I know that people who don't follow the game fell in love with these versions of them, and for them it's as magical as it was for us when playing), but I guess, for the game lovers, it's harder to see past this fact simply because getting to love a character and having to learn everything there is about them, growing up with them only to find out the creators (people who gave them this exceptional and amazing character) didn't care enough to stick to what they came up with is kind of a bummer. I mean, you can choose to ignore it on the screen, but yet it's something so 'palpable' you have to watch with a little *sigh* in your mind.

"It shows us joel doesn't have to go out of his way to be a menace. the fact that pedro had to scream and etc to make them fear him bothers me sooo much."

I agree. Game Joel has this death stare that makes people fear from miles away while show Joel doesn't. I think Pedro could pull it out without a blink of an eye—if only they'd given him this Joel to play.

People say that making show Joel more "sensitive" was to make him more realistic because in the game, the characters are portrayed as having to deal with the impossible (like killing 10 clickers and a bloater without any damage, etc.), while in the show, he's a real man, so real attributes and emotions are needed. I get that; that makes perfect sense. But I still also agree with folks who say that keeping Joel's "detached" and "thin-skinned" characteristics wouldn't hurt anyone because what's unrealistic about that?

Game Joel and show Joel are completely different characters in my head. I love them both. I can switch them in my head and tune into both Joels, but I still prefer the game when it comes to the story and the character Joel is.

It's funny because when I watch show Joel, I can't help but see a puppy version of game Joel, tbh. Pedro is literally able to play anything, so his version of "sensitive" Joel serves me just right when I tune into the show. But knowing Pedro would kill the "callous" and "unaffected" version of Joel, and it bugs me so much we'll never get to see it.

Btw, I'm working on your request, more photos of Joel torturing David's men are coming!

[mushgloomz]

Modern Love

dbf!Joel Miller x f!Reader

• AN: icl this is one of my FAVOURITE joel miller fanfic themes, so ofc I had to write one into modern love as well. apologies for the abrupt cut off at the end, my tumblr crashed and I lost half of the shit I had been working on and i honestly couldn’t chill out enough to write it again lool; not proofread as always <3

• Warnings: alcohol, language, no outbreak au, single reference to groping, reader is afab with hair.

• Word Count: approx 4.2k

2: Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now

Things had been weird since Joel’s birthday… really weird. You’d walked your father home, practically hauling him along for the short walk back to the house, all the while trying desperately to ignore the crushing sensation in your gut. Everything had felt off from the moment Joel had scarpered away from you after the kiss.

Living in the same neighbourhood became increasingly awkward with each passing day. You’d give a cautious wave over to him when you were on your way to work, only to be met with a flat expression and the cold shoulder. It felt awful.

At one point, you’d even gone over to see if he wanted to talk. He’d done no more than shake his head, mumbling ‘nothin’ to talk about’ before heading into his garage, leaving you stood clueless on the drive. He may as well have smacked you across the face.

It was a week after the party when you heard your dad talking to someone on the phone. Straining your ears to hear the one-sided conversation, you could tell who he was talking to – of course he was talking to Joel. There was a brief pause, and you heard your name mentioned, followed by a swift, “Oh, alright then’ from your father. It made your stomach tense all over again.

You let your feet carry you down the stairs, where your father was slouched on the sofa, aimlessly watching something on the television. “Hey, who were you talking to?”, you asked, a tinge of anxiety in your tone. A mumble reached your ears as your dad responded.

“Just Joel. He’s been a bit funny since his birthday, God knows why. Asked if he wanted you to babysit Sarah and he said he’d already booked someone.”

Bile rose in your throat involuntarily. He’d booked a sitter for Sarah. But… you’d always done it, free of charge, ever since your families had become acquainted. Not trusting your voice in that moment, you simply nodded before making yourself scarce and returning upstairs.

Even on the days that you worked, you had always made a point of letting Joel know that you were free in the evenings if he was ever working late. The soft duvet on your bed made its way around your shoulders as soon as you’d arrived in your room, and you sat, pondering on the situation until your hands stopped shaking. Had you really fucked things up that much?

A drawn-out breath left your mouth before you stood, reaching for your phone. This shouldn’t, no – couldn’t, become a hyper-fixation. Scrolling through messages with a newfound urgency, you typed out a message in your work group-chat; a call to the masses, if you will. You hit send, waiting for a response as people read the message you’d sent, hoping that someone would bite and agree to go out tonight.

Sounds good :)

I’m down! Where are we headed?

Time?

A sigh of relief replaced the deep breathing you’d taken on whilst waiting; working in an office with people your age was a blessing in this very moment. You shot over the name of a new-ish bar in town, not far from where you all worked. People ‘liked’ the message, and mission Get Over Yourself was in action.

Following a swift shower, you rummaged through your wardrobe. Whatever you ended up wearing, you knew it had to be hot; after all, the best way to get over someone was to get under someone, right? Your hands skimmed the different fabrics hanging in front of you before yanking out a dress. Low-cut in the chest? Check. Barely long enough to cover your ass? Check. Perfect.

After squeezing yourself into the skimpy little number, you shrugged on a denim jacket and made your way down the stairs. It was already late; you slipped on a pair of shoes and darted out the door, not wanting to miss the last dregs of sunlight as you started walking toward town. The evening breeze whipped around your hair as you walked, granting some relief from the humid air.

The walk was pleasant enough to put you into less of a sour mood as you arrived, already spotting a few of your colleagues chatting amongst themselves outside the bar. One of the women from your department waved you over with a cheery grin. Pulling a fake smile in return, you joined the huddle.

“Not like you to be out on the town – why the change of heart?”

The question was spoken with a playful lilt by the same coworker that had called you over - Steph. “Just fancied a switch up”, you shrugged, a small smile tugging at the corners of your lips. Steph raised an eyebrow - you’d worked together for several years now; she knew when you weren’t telling the truth after seeing it in so many meetings and conference calls over time. “I’ll tell you later, maybe”, rolled out of your mouth under the scrutiny of her brow.

Satisfied with your response, Steph walked toward the doors of the bar, holding them open as she beckoned yourself and the group inside the dimly lit space. Tepid air hit your face, and the thrum of a live band ricocheted in your ears as you entered. It was heaving with people inside.

You noticed a few men looking over at you; none that took your fancy, but if they were already ogling you, it was probably for the best anyway. Steph took your wrist and squeezed the pair of you through the mass of bodies hovering around the bar until her free hand reached the counter. She grinned, nodding to you as the bartender approached. “Double rum and coke, and two shots of tequila please”, you half-shouted, wanting to be heard over the hustle and bustle of the crowd.

“Shit, you’re really going for it ain’t ya?”

Steph stood looking at you, a little dumbstruck, before ordering the exact same. Her surprise wasn’t entirely unwarranted – you rarely went out to begin with, and adding tequila to the mix was a sure-fire way of indicating that something was up. “Just loading up in case the bar gets too busy later”, you chuckled. You received an eyeroll in response as the bartender set down the drinks and shots.

Once you’d pushed a few crumpled bills across the bar, you slung back both shots consecutively, face contorting as the alcohol burned down your throat. Even the wedge of lime you swiftly jammed into your mouth didn’t do much to alleviate the scorch. Steph followed suit, taking her shots like a champ. You both grabbed your drinks and wormed your way back to the rest of your coworkers.

~~~~~

Several drinks, a drunken slow dance with someone’s mother, and one heated argument with a man that had tried to cop a feel later – you were absolutely shitfaced. Steph and a random woman that you’d befriended had walked down the street with you and were listening intently as you vented about the whole Joel situation.

 “He s-sounds like an asshole… don’t even waste your time.”

The incoherent babble from the random woman spurred something in Steph; snatching your phone from your hand whilst it was still unlocked. As you went to protest, she held up a hand before quickly typing something and locking the phone, handing it back to you. A groan left your lips as you unlocked the phone, swiping to check the last app she had been on… oh no. No, no, no.

yuor a dickhead joellllll lol

The words on your screen burned themselves into your retinas. This couldn’t have gotten any worse… until Joel started typing. You locked your phone and shoved it into your… wait, where was your jacket? Groaning loudly, you started to walk off in a strop in the direction of the bar; more alcohol would remedy this, or at least help you forget it until tomorrow, and you wanted that damn jacket back.

You saw your phone screen flash in your hand, and you gripped it tighter, trying to ignore the notification. You’d deal with the Joel situation eventually, but whilst inebriated? Not a fucking chance.

Somewhere along the way, you’d ended up taking a wrong turn. Squinting at the map on your phone, you ended up back at the bar half an hour later than anticipated. As you approached the door again, the bouncer simply blocked the entrance, shaking his head. “The fuck? Let me in, I need to get my jacket!”, you protested, words slurring together. As soon as you heard your voice out loud, the realisation dawned on you as to why you weren’t being allowed back in.

Grumbling profanities, you tried to focus your eyes on the screen of your phone, typing out a few messages to your dad.

drubk too much

at new bra in town

*bra

*bar

As you went to type another message, your phone screen went black. Fuck. Checking the map on your phone with your torch on had sapped the last of your battery; the pavement grew increasingly more inviting as you toyed with the reality of your current situation. With an exasperated huff, you sat yourself on the curb, elbows propped on your knees, and your head resting in your hands.

It wasn’t until the screech of tires and the slam of a vehicle door startled you that you realised you’d closed your eyes. As blurry as everything appeared to be around you, a figure approaching you came gradually into to focus. A firm hand around your elbow tugged at you, bringing you to your feet.

“Up, c’mon now. Hell were you thinkin’, gettin’ in a state like this?”

The once beloved grumble reached your ears… Joel. As you tilted your head to look up at him, everything wobbled and you swayed where you stood. A strong arm caught you, wrapping around your waist, holding you upright with a disgruntled sigh. “The… the hell a-are you doing here?”, you mumbled, hiccuping once as you started to speak. No response. A high-pitched whine rumbled in your throat, hand swatting weakly at the arm around your waist.

“You quit actin’ like a brat. Might think ‘m a dickhead, but ain’t nobody else savin’ your ass at 3 in the mornin’”

Feeling his grip tighten on your waist a little more, you let him lead you over to his truck across the street, defeated. There was a tense silence between the two of you before you stumbled over an apology about the text, trying to convey that you hadn’t sent it in the first place. Joel simply picked up his pace, and as you both approached the truck, he pulled open the passenger side door.

“Get in.”

The tone he took was stern but not as cold as you had expected. Your foot slipped as you climbed into the seat with all the grace of a newborn deer, and he caught you by your hips, grumbling under his breath as he pushed you up and onto the worn leather. No sooner had you sat, your head lulled back against the headrest, spinning.

“Christ, you’re a fuckin’ mess kid. C’mere, lemme buckle you in.”

As the frustrated whisper registered with you, Joel leaned over your lap, extending the seatbelt and clipping it in. He backed up, looking you over as if to ensure you weren’t going to slump out of the seat, before closing the door and heading to the driver’s side.

Slamming the door behind him, Joel quickly buckled his own belt and his hands found the steering wheel. He inhaled deeply with his eyes closed, fingers flexing, grounding himself before speaking again, this time in a much softer tone.

“Bottle of water next to ya. Drink.”

Your head, feeling as though it weighed three times more than before, swung forward. Closing one eye in a desperate bid to focus your vision, you grabbed at the water; half of it sloshing over your dress and bare legs as you clumsily tugged at the lid before bringing it to your lips. Joel sighed as you chugged back the remaining liquid from the bottle, taking it from your hands after you'd finished.

The truck growled as Joel turned the key, throwing a cautious glance your way before moving off and heading in the direction of your house. "H-how'd you know where I w-was?, you slurred, looking over to him with heavy lids. Despite how tense things had been since his birthday, you couldn't help but enjoy the fuzzy view of him that you had as he kept his eyes on the road and replied.

"Your old man called me, said you were drunk outta your mind. Asked if I could come get ya 'cause he'd had a drink too."

Humming in acknowledgement and blinking lethargically, you spoke again. "Hmm... thanks Joel" - you paused for a moment, drunken cogs whirring in your mind as you contemplated asking about the past week. The alcohol searing through your system ultimately made the decision for you. "I... I'm s-sorry if when we kissed-", you managed to stammer out before Joel cut you off.

"Don't. I made a mistake, crossed a line; 'm the one that should be apologisin'."

Joel's words were tender, a perfect juxtaposition to the way he white-knuckled the steering wheel as he spoke. Brows knitted together apologetically, he spoke again.

"Shouldn't have let myself drink so much... 'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable kid."

God, he sounded genuinely pained. Part of you wished that he wasn't having this conversation with you right now, knowing that any response you gave would be borderline incoherent. You swallowed hard. "Joel, I... I wasn't uncomfortable", you mumbled, trying your best to sound sober. A sharp inhale of breath followed suit from Joel, shaking his head ever so slightly as you rounded the corner onto your road.

"You're half my age sweetheart; it ain't right - you shouldn't be tryna spare my feelings right now."

Frustrated, you groaned a little. Why wasn't he taking you seriously? Before you could argue back, the truck came to a halt at the end of your driveway, and Joel exited the vehicle, walking around to assist you from the passenger seat. He extended a hand, palm turned up, for you to brace yourself on as you slid out of the door.

The same strong arm wrapped around your waist once again, guiding you as you walked in tandem up the path to your front door. Your hand found Joel's resting on your hip and you gave it a tentative squeeze. Words were beyond you now as the depths of your inebriation took their toll on your ability to speak. Joel's hand flexed under yours, barely noticeable, tightening his grip on your hip just a little more.

Once you'd knocked on the front door, Joel stood and waited with you until your father appeared, tired and disgruntled. He reached out for you, taking your hand as you wobbled through the threshold. With a thankful nod to Joel, he closed the door behind the pair of you and guided you up the stairs to your bed, muttering with frustration as he went.

~~~~~

The sun beamed gloriously through your curtains when you woke up. It made you want to hiss, to curl up under your duvet and block the world out as you nursed your self-inflicted hangover. You couldn't even remember the last time you had felt so rough. Every blink sounded like sheet metal being shook directly next to your ears.

Sketchy memories of the evening's antics slowly rolled in; blurs of conversations, the fact that your jacket was still unaccounted for. Joel collecting you. If only you could remember a single element of the chat you'd had on the way home. You laid there, racking your aching brain for as long as you could muster, before rolling over and swatting for your phone amongst the pillows.

Bless your dad - he must've put your phone on charge after getting you settled in bed. Copious amounts of notifications filled your phone screen; photos sent into the work chat, missed calls from Steph, a random number asking 'Who's number is this?'. Just the usual stuff.

Fingers found themselves hovering over your messages with Joel, his only response to Steph’s insult last night being a simple question mark. A grimace crept onto your face as you reflected on the state that he probably found you in, as if it wasn’t awkward enough as it was. With a sigh, your thumbs danced over the keyboard of your phone and hit send.

Hi Joel. Thank you for last night - sorry.

You locked your phone and tucked it under your pillow before submitting to the pounding in your head, closing your eyes once more and eventually drifting off into a fitful state of sleep.

Bonus Content: Joel’s POV (Golden Brown)

It couldn’t have been later than 2am when Joel’s phone vibrated against the oak bedside table to his left. Who the fuck was messaging him at this time? Thumb and index finger pressed against his eyes, rubbing away sleep, he used his free hand to reach over and grab his phone, nearly knocking off one of the several coffee mugs that had accumulated there throughout the week.

Your name stared back blankly at him, a near unintelligible message beneath it. He felt his heart skip a beat, followed swiftly by a tenseness in his stomach as he processed the words. A dickhead? Joel knew all too well that he was one, but needing to mention it before the sun broke from the horizon line was a little unnecessary. He shot back a single question mark; brain still in the throes of a sleep-induced stupor.

Sleeping was no longer on the cards. You were out somewhere, drunk to the point of belligerency, and it made his stomach turn. He contemplated calling you for a moment but thought better of it; what right did he have after the way he'd been acting for the past week? Pushing himself into an upright position, he sat with his back against the wooden headboard, waiting to hear back from you.

He must've dozed off; his phone buzzed angrily in his hand, startling him into consciousness once again. Without thinking, he raised the phone to his ear, not checking the caller ID. Taken aback by the sound of your father's voice, he cleared his throat with a small cough.

"Everythin' good?"

It didn't take long for your father to start reeling off his blatant frustration at the texts he had received from you. Joel sat and listened intently - he had to know that you were safe. All the moisture in his mouth disappeared as your father furthered his explanation of your evening; not seeming the slightest bit surprised that none of his calls were going through to you anymore.

"... I'm sorry to ask Joel, but could you swing by the bar and drag her ass home for me please? If she kicks up a fuss just give me a ring - I'll have to walk to go and meet her."

Your father had barely finished his sentence before Joel was out of his bed, haphazardly shrugging on the denim shirt he had been wearing during the day, putting the phone on speaker and letting it lay amongst the sheets.

"New bar in town, right? I'll be there, call if you hear anythin' from her in the meantime."

The words huffed out of his mouth in a moderately frantic tone as he shimmied on his grease-stained work jeans, stabbing at his phone with a single finger until the call hung up. Socks didn't even make it to his feet before steel-capped boots were shoved on. Joel pressed his head to Sarah's door, greeted by the soft, peaceful sound of restful breathing before he quickly headed out of the front door.

As he sat behind the wheel of his truck, typing a message out to his sleeping daughter in case she should wake, his leg bounced with trepidation as if it were willing his thumbs to hurry up. The text was sent and, without any further hesitation, Joel was flying down the quiet neighbourhood into town.

The ten minute drive felt arduous; every red light taunting him with its crimson glow as he rapped his fingers against the steering wheel, impatient. Would you still be there when he arrived? Or would he be left to hunt you down, wild goose chase-style? Would you be safe? A flash of green reached Joel's eyes and he was off once again, making the last turn onto the street housing the bar.

Joel's eyes darted rapidly over the faces of those lingering outside, the hazy smog of cigarette smoke billowing above them cast in an amber glow from the neon signage above the bar. That's when he saw you - half-asleep on the curbside, head lulled into your palms, your shoes sat in a neat pair beside you as your bare feet clung to the asphalt below them.

His foot hit the brakes, hard. He could see your bare arms and legs trembling ever so slightly, exposed to the crisp evening air; his gut wrenched at the thought of you being sat there a second longer, and his legs propelled him toward you with an unmatched urgency. Your eyes fluttered open as he approached, squinting at him as he leant down and grabbed your elbow to hoist you to your feet.

Christ, you were drunk. Really drunk. He could smell the booze emanating from you, equally as strong as the perfume that lingered on your skin. Your knees buckled as you attempted to right yourself under his grip - he curled his arm around your waist, pressing his side flush to yours with a grunt as he bore your weight for you. The usual melodic lilt of your voice was tainted with an alcohol-adjacent sloppiness as you mumbled something imperceptible to him.

Out of no where, you started to flap your hand at his arm, batting at his grasp around your waist. It was such a feeble attempt that he almost felt bad for snapping at you as he squeezed you closer to him, beginning the trudge back to the truck. You felt cold to the touch under his palm despite the few beads of perspiration on your forehead; the urge to glide his thumb against your waist as you walked only just being stilled.

As you both approached the passenger side door, a nauseating urge to not let go of you overwhelmed Joel. You were soft to the touch; so small in stature compared to his own breadth. Your hair, despite how frazzled it had become over the course of your evening, smelt so much like you, untouched by the scent of liquor. Shaking the thought from his mind, he reached out his free hand and swung open the door to the vehicle, grumbling at you to get in.

Relinquished from his grasp, you took a clumsy step up into the truck, your footing immediately lost as the second foot left the ground. Instinctually, Joel's hands flew forward to catch you, holding you up by your hips. The tiny dress you had worn had ridden up so high that it teetered just below the curve of your ass, making his cheeks warm and his mouth pool. Fuck, what he wouldn't do to have this view under different circumstances. With a shift of his biceps to help, you finally climbed the rest of the way into his truck, body limp as you rolled your head back against the plush upholstery.

The previous thoughts in his mind shifted to that of protection as he saw just how drunk you really were, already halfway to being unconscious. How much did you drink to get like this? He'd seen you drunk before; cheeks flushed, a flirtatious joke here and there that would linger in his mind for weeks after - this was a different level.

You made no protest as he leaned over your lap, chest grazing your bare thighs, buckling you in. He gave you a once over before making his way to his side of the truck - walking around the back so you couldn't see him run a hand through his hair, trying to get a fucking grip. It was like his body couldn't come to an agreement with his brain; a battle of morals raging on inside him as he eventually took his seat behind the wheel once more.

Another steeling of nerves ensued after he caught a glimpse of you in his periphery; chest rising and falling, lips parted just so. He felt like a criminal, like a pervert, for being so close to you whilst you looked like that. Maybe he was, he thought, fingers flexing over the steering wheel - why else would someone have such an interest in a girl half their age?

[papipedroo]

Sunlight and Lemons

Sunlight and Lemons (Joel Miller x reader 🍋)

Rated: Fluff | Age Gap (Joel is 40 & reader is 23)

Summary: Your father’s Bill and Frank welcome two new guests and one catches your eyes.

The three of you were eating breakfast.

Bill’s famous bacon, eggs, and buttered toast… With extra bacon?

You could tell something was up with the way Frank was bouncing excitedly as he spoke and the way Bill’s lips curled even deeper into a frown.

“Something is going on and I would like to know what it is.” You finally said, eyeing the two men.

Frank cut is conversation about the ripe tomatoes quickly as he began to fidget with his silverwear.

“You set up it up so you tell her.” Bill motioned to Frank with an unamused tone.

“Well sweetie… I decided we’re going to make some friends so I invited guests over this afternoon for a celebratory garden party.” Frank’s eyes lit up the more he talked about what he has planned for today.

“We’re having… Guests?” You muttered confusingly.

They never invite guests. It was practically the number one rule in every given apocalypse… A rule the Bill broke twice and Frank once, but still. It was a real. Don’t let people in and you remain safe.

You looked between the two, not sure who to settle your gaze on until you finally settled on Frank. The one who easily spilt everything.

“Who exactly? Are they dangerous.” You asked.

“Oh no.” Frank waved off your worries immediately.

“That we know of.” Bill muttered.

Frank gave him a look before smiling at you, “The woman I have been speaking with is very kind and she’s bringing a friend of hers, a man.”

You nodded slowly still unsure of the whole ordeal, “I see.”

“We’ll be doing trades with them often.” Frank continued, “So after breakfast, get dressed and I will love some help preparing the table outside while Bill will be preparing lunch a little later.”

Bill’s eyebrows raised as he took a bite of bacon, “I am?”

“You are.” Frank assured.

And that was that.

The three of you were having a garden party with complete strangers. Should be fun…

What was Frank thinking? That was the only thought you had as you got ready.

You couldn’t even be upset with him at that moment. He was the one who found you hobbling to the fence after your terrifying escape from raiders… He was the one who yelled at you to stop… He was the one who opened the gate… Who patched me up… Bill was the one who gave you clothes… And made you food… Gave me what little medicine they had…

You remember that day clearly. You were 17 then and now 7 years later, here you were adopted by two of the most kindest people you knew. You couldn’t have asked for anything more in this world, apocalyptic or not.

You decided to slip on your best dress, a white summer dress with yellow daises embroidered on it. Frank and you had picked it out at the boutique the day after they told you that you could officially stay with them.

You also slid on your favorite worn out yellow sneakers. Even after a few years they were still good. Before you left your room, you hid a small knife that Bill gave you, under your dress. You knew that you couldn’t be too trusting as Bill would say. You left your room after that and headed downstairs to find the front door wide open and Frank dragging out a table.

“Frank!” You called out to him with a laugh, “You were supposed to wait for me.” You said as you quickly rushed outside to help him.

“Sorry, I’m just a bit nervous.” He scratched the back of his head, “It’s been a while since we’ve had guests.”

You gave him a soft smile at seeing him so nervous, “It’s okay Frank, just make sure you let me help you.”

Bill was already in the kitchen cooking lunch by the time the both of you headed back inside.

“It smells wonderful Bill!” Frank leaned over to give him a quick peck on the lips before washing his hands.

Bill had a blush that only Frank could bring out as he muttered, “It’s nothing.”

“More than nothing, I’m starving.” You said reaching over to sneak a bite when suddenly Frank’s light tap on your hand had you pulling back.

“Don’t even think about it sweetie.” He scolded lightly before grabbing the lemonade pitcher out from the bottom cabinet, “They should be here soon. Can you be a dear and fetch me some lemons so we can make some lemonade for our guests?”

You nodded your head, “Sure.” You proceeded to grab a small basket on the counter, “But I expect to be having a feast when I get back.” You gave your stomach two pats to make your point clear.

This had both men chuckling. Bill shook his head while Frank shushed you out the door.

“Of course. Of course. Now go get some lemons.” Frank laughed.

You walked out towards the back where the garden was. It a short distance, but you took my time finding the lemon tree so to nerves.

What if they were mean? Or violent? Or they lied and now a group of raiders were going to show up and kill us?

Plenty of unwanted thoughts filtered through your mind, but one raised above all the others. Just please don’t let my dad’s get hurt.

You had finally made it to the tree when Frank pulled out the driveway.

They must be here. You thought before turning your focus back to the tree. There were only three lemons that you were able to reach, standing on your tippy toes.

“That’s not going to be enough.” You muttered to myself.

Most of them were higher up just begging to be ripped off of the branch. You huffed as you set the basket down and looked around for the small wooden bucket.

“Where did Frank… Ah there it is.” You smiled triumphantly.

It was tipped over on the ground, hidden behind the tree and blending in with the soil. You bent down to grab it and placed it face down on the ground. You were feeling proud of yourself as you stood up on top the bucket to reach a few more lemons.

All seemed to be going well until the last lemon you needed was just a little out of your reach. Instead of just moving the bucket though, you decided that you would just teeter on the edge and grab the last lemon that you needed�� Until you did grab it, but ended up teetering on the edge.

“Whoa!” You cried out at the unsteady bucket.

You tried to balance yourself and almost succeeded until the bucket wobbled once again. At that you expected your fate and was ready to feel the hard ground beneath you when suddenly…

You didn’t fall… Not really. Gravity seemed to be on your side or at least two arms were as the held you.

You took a breath of relief looking up and expecting to see Bill.

“Thank-” Your gratitude was cut short as you stared wide eyed at a man you have never seen before.

Is he just my imagination or did a Prince really just sweep me off my feet…

“You’re welcome.” He stated gruffly as he gently set me on my feet.

“You…” Your voice trailed off as you stared up at him, his face calm as he waited for an answer.

My word was he some kind of handsome dressed in sunlight.

You cleared my throat and quickly straightened out your dress. You tried your best to calm your nerves and the growing blush on your cheeks, “You must be the guest Frank invited.”

“I must be.” He answered shortly.

I can see he has Bill’s wonderful conversation skills.

“Well.” You nodded as you shyly looked away, “Thank you…”

“Joel. Joel Miller.” He introduced himself.

“Thank you Joel for saving me.” You replied before introducing yourself as well.

“Beautiful name.” He complimented, a small smile appearing on his face as he watched your cheeks grow even redder.

“Thank… Thank you.” You couldn’t look away from his eyes.

It seemed as if his big brown eyes stared into your soul as his tan skin looked like honey against the sun.

He nodded his head, “Anytime darling.”

You picked up the basket of lemons, “These were for you anyways so I suppose you saved your drink as well.” You laughed lightly.

“Lemonade?” He implied as you began walking towards the house with him following in suit.

“Plum juice actually.” You stated seriously as you tried your best at a the poker face Bill has been trying to teach you.

However, the grimace on his face made you laugh, “I’m joking. It’s lemonade.” You said, easing his worry.

“Real funny sweetheart.” The curl of his lip didn’t make him seem cocky or bullheaded. He looked amused, a spark shining in his coffee eyes, “You need anymore help?” He asked as his gaze softened.

That look left you a blubbery mess, “Oh no. That was all thank you. I better go and find a glass-no a pitcher to put the lemons in. Of course not just lemons! But the lemonade you make from lemons? Yeah… Anyways! Yes! Um.. Yes.” You quickly took a few steps back before rushing inside.

You don’t think your flushed cheeks will ever return to normal again as you heard his honey silk chuckle at your reaction. You placed one of your hands over your chest to at least try and attempt to calm your racing heart.

Oh boy… Just what did I get myself into? But his eyes and how warm his hands were when he…

What was I doing? Right. Lemonade.