#we dont talk anymore but honestly some friendships aren’t meant to last forever and I appreciate it for what it was lol

[flowachild]

having a gay male friend is important because at the end of the day they’re men too and they will really talk sense into u 😭

[dearglenn]

Dear Glenn,

It’s late and I was working on homework, my phone pinged and when I checked it was a text from you. I was so excited to see your name pop back on my phone again, because I thought that this meant that things were going to go back to normal again. But then I read your text.

Here’s the reply that I want to send you, but never will:

“I started to feel a bit bothered at the fact that u thought my feels were that serious that it required a “time out” lol. To be straight honest ma I felt bad that u even would suggest such as things as time out .. I felt like perhaps are friendship isn’t such a big deal to her if she’s willing to not hear from me for who knows how long”

Glenn, I am so sorry that I ever made you feel like you aren’t a big deal to me, that’s so so so far from the truth. I thought I was doing the right thing, but honestly it’s hard for me not to say I regret that decision. When you told me that you had to avoid seeing me I thought you were saying that you were trying to tell me that you needed more space, that not physically seeing me wasn’t enough. I swear to you that right after I asked if you wanted a time out, the weight of what I just said hit me and I regretted asking you that instantly because I got this weird flash forward/ vision of the future where you stopped talking to me and I never saw or heard from you again. Every day that goes by that vision becomes a little more true and I hate it.

“I dont know how long this will take iv never had to do this before. I cant help to think of the repercussion of this decision will be..”

This makes me worried that you won’t come back because you think there are going to be some kind of repercussion. If you come back yeah it’s going to be weird at first, just like after we kissed for the first time. But then we came back stronger than ever. I pray that you don’t let this hold you back from finding your way back to me.

“I’m afraid what if this takes forever?!”

Honestly I’m afraid of this too.

“How will I know if I’m totally over her?! Wouldn’t that mean I’d just forget about u if I did. I dont know.”

You are my best friend, I’m always going to care about you in away that’s different than I care about other people. No matter how much time I spend apart from you that’s never going to change. I think you feel the same, which if that’s true and you feel like you can’t come back until you don’t care about me, then I don’t think you’ll ever come back. It’s okay to have love for a friend. I know you said you have feelings, but I wonder if you have feelings for me or just the idea of me. When would tell me the things that girls would do that made you not like them, you would often describe me and the things I have done to people I’ve been in relationship with. Which makes me wonder if you just like the idea of me because I represent something that you want or that’s important to you.

But seriously speaking what I dread the most is realistically speaking I can’t see our friendship being the same again.”

I never really considered this until you said it. I just thought that we’d pick off right where left off, like we always did when there would be a break. But now I wonder if I’m going to feel like I have to censor myself and what I talk about with you, off the top of my head I kinda don’t want to talk to you about my boy problems anymore, I just feel like that’s just not fair or considerate of me to do anymore. Not only did I want you to be at my wedding but I wanted you to be in it as my “Maid Man of Honor” but now I feel like that would just be cruel of me.

“I’d definitely have to be demoted to just “a friend” or even “acquaintance” What ever man it is what it is..”

You are and always will be my best friend. even if you don’t come back, you will never ever be demoted.

“Good bye Ma Lady”

Those two words are how I know you’ll never come back. I’m not sure I ever told you this, but when I knew I wanted to break up with or never see or talk to a guy again I would make my last words to him be “Good bye.” Whenever I would leave your house or leave a friends house, I always say “see you later” or “bye” because I know that that’s not the last time we’ll talk. But “good bye” is so formal, I feel like it holds more weight. Even in movies it’s what someone says before they leave forever or die. And you just said to me.

Edit: The reply I ended up sending you was far more PC because I don’t want to guilt you into staying, that just wouldn’t be fair of me. I’m really scared that you’ll interpret my reply as indifference and that I don’t care that you’re leaving. But I do care, and I don’t want you to go.

--------------------------------------------------------------- April 15, 2020