#we don't see them often where I live
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supersumc · 2 years ago
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God creates bassarisks
God: So, you know those procyonids we have?
Angel: Yeah, why?
God: Okay, hear me out...
Angel: ...
God: Take that raccoon, but make it really small, light, and skinny. We're technically doing four species with this body plan, but only two make it to the modern day. And make the smaller of the two the progenitor of the lineup. Make it the size of an average house cat. And by light, I mean, light. Only about 2 pounds.
Angel: And make it cute so people will want to protect it?
God: Yes, but you know the rule about cute things...
Angel: Right, secretly vicious, and don't tell the kids that. So, how vicious?
God: Let's say the most carnivorous member of the procyonids. It only eats fruit if there's not much else available. Give it a ringed tail that will get it confused with those lemurs in Madagascar despite them not at all being native to the American Southwest. People are idiots, I know. And let's take advantage of the 1800's American slang so that the miners who name them for how much better they are than regular cats at clearing out pests from mines coincidentally call it after said tail.
Angel: ...I cannot believe you aren't high right now.
God: Yeah, but it's kind of defenseless, don't you think?
Angel: Yeah...
God: So you know the skunks and how people will confuse them with cats? Let's make the "'ring-tailed' cats" spray musk as well, but make it smell like cat urine. That should last this species at least 5 million years.
Angel: So it has time to speciate?
God: Sure, but let's keep it around while having one success in the jungles of Mexico named for being a half mountain lion and two failures that only some autistic geek who really identifies with them would care to add to the Wikipedia page, get wrong at first, and then, once he realizes his mistakes, correct his errors out of a sense of duty.
Angel: ...why?
God: Because he's making some post on Tumblr about this whole conversation, that's why.
Angel: You do realize that "ring-tailed cat" isn't a very good name, right?
God: Yeah, but they'll call it that on Wikipedia for a long time. Here's some other ideas: Miner's cat, "clever little fox" (its scientific name's literal meaning because of its fennec-like face), bassarisk, babisuri, cacomistle...
Angel: That's literally the "half mountain lion" from earlier.
God: ...and last, but not least, ringtail!
Angel: BUT THE LEMURS!
God: Yeah, they'll be "endangered" while these will be "least concern." People will hardly see these guys, anyway.
Angel: So what was the point of making them cute?!
God: I dunno, it was your idea. Make people want to keep them around the house as an "anti-pest," I guess.
Angel: *visible exasperation*
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uncanny-tranny · 1 year ago
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It's really frustrating being trans sometimes with cis loved ones because other cis people will go, "oh but it's such a huge adjustment for them! They're grieving for your pre-transition self/they aren't used to the change yet/it's hard on them!"
It's just so frustrating that people forget that trans people's feelings on this matter, too. Cis people aren't the only ones who have adjustments to make. Frankly, as much as I sympathize with cis people in this position, I can't help but be really jaded about it because so often, cis people jump to the defense of other cis people and they will seemingly forget to or refuse to give the same grace to trans people.
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#mtf#nonbinary#like at what point is it 'they aren't used to it yet!' and it morphs into 'that person is actively refusing to acknowledge you'#i'm at a point now where i have been out as trans for half my life. at what point is this willfully refusing to see *me*#it's just amazing that it doesn't matter what the trans person could do because it's their fault for bringing 'burden' onto cis people#i UNDERSTAND that it can be hard for family for instance to flip a switch with their trans loved one...#...but i can't help but notice that so often it's because they *refuse to try*#why is it that cis people can do almost anything to trans people but trans people must be perfectly understanding and perfectly...#...content with whatever cis people in our lives have to say about how hard it is on THEM...#...like that's insulting to me. imagine being so willfully incompassionate...#...i'm worried about if i'm safe in my own workplace or in my gym or in a medical setting...#...i feel like we need a sense of scale about who is most affected by transness in this scenario...#...because i would RATHER be grieving over somebody's transness than worrying if i'll be hatecrimed...#...there's a difference in the experience between a trans person and the cis people in that trans person's life learning to adjust to...#...that person's transness. which is why i don't think it's comparable to say that cis people have it just as hard in this case#transphobia#transphobia tw
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araneitela · 9 months ago
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I arrived almost 12 hours ago, I've had two stupidly filling typical French meals, I've done too many loads of laundry than I'd like to admit because dryer, I've been spoiled with and am spoiling myself with coffee, my stress is diminishing, I got to read some great meta, and I'm chilling with Mara (who has numerous sleeping spots involving fuzzy blankets in this temporary repose, one of which being the fluffiest nest ever) while listening to and jamming out to Hugh Laurie leading the show in my ear. In other words, while yesterday was a time, I'm having a pretty darn nice time right now, because even if my back aches, my wrists are happier. Let's see if I can get any writing done on these 4/(5?) hours of sleep I've gotten in the last 48 hours, cause I'm pretty hype.
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moping-hours · 4 months ago
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My friends don't hate me, they're just busy.
My friends don't hate me, they're just busy.
My-
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twilit-tragedy · 1 year ago
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god fucking damn my life, bro. I find a couple of ants in my room and immediately freak out. I start feeling shit crawling on me and turn on a flashlight to go look for some hidden source, already hyperventilating. And then I remember I woke up late and didn't take my morning meds. Girl, we have a balcony and my mom keeps plants there. Calm the fuck down. You like having the window open. It's FINE. It's just ants.
Last weekend I skipped my morning meds two days in a row cuz I woke up late and I feared sertraline insomnia - which, yes, in hindsight was a bad idea - and on Sunday I had a full meltdown. Granted, also period-related, but god fucking damn it. I tore my whole room apart. I couldn't vacuum under my bed easily because of my desk's placement so I decided I was going to move furniture around and reorganize my room. On a Sunday afternoon, in the summer and with tendonitis. All cuz I saw some ants and couldn't verify with my own two eyes every corner of the room. And because I couldn't physically move the wardrobe and bookcase, I guess I took out my anxiety with the remaining furniture. And god fucking damn it, here I am again a week later.
I keep finding ants (3) running on my desk all of a sudden while I'm SITTING THERE and have no idea ("no idea") where they're coming from (engage the phone flashlight routine). I moved this bitch AWAY from the window and they're fucking HUNTING me or smth (it's 35ºC out, girl). I hate my life. And I hate that any suggestion of bugs makes me start feeling shit on my skin that isn't there. Dumb fucking brain. Anyway I need sleep and to take my sertraline asap or else.
#i can't express to you how badly I was doing last week#my mom wasn't home when I was remodeling but I was fantasizing about screaming:#''take those plants out of my side of the veranda or i'll throw them OR myself off the balcony''#i'm not suicidal don't worry it would be for the drama of the ultimatum#and then I took my meds the next day and I was calmer lol#but this has happened before. i believe this entire formication / almost delusional parasitosis started cuz i'm allergic to mosquitoes#and as a kid who lived with 3 grown people and had no power over them to close their damn windows - I attracted all the bugs#and I couldn't sleep and I heard and felt them near me and it was a horrible time#still at 23 i can only either pass out from exhaustion or more often find and kill them before I can sleep#when I was 14 or smth our cat also got fleas and I spent the most paranoids nights of my life suffering cuz they got into my bed#last year I slept over at a friend's house for a night and brought back what must've been a SINGLE flea#I'm not kidding you when I say I quarantined my room and slept in the living room for over a month. i was panicking#(i've since started anxiety meds)#I legit feared we had bedbugs and was looking at every single outlet and corner of my bed#our cat recently caught fleas and I combed through him to pick them out every day. that experience actually calmed me down about them#but it's when you can't see them / where they're hiding that's the problem#(it also taught me to let my cat in my room and then fleas become his problem LMAO)#(cuz his long fur 24/7 is way better than my legs for 8h I've been told lol)#anyway point is I get freaky when I suspect bugs are hiding somewhere#and that they're gonna bite me and I'm going to get super itchy and not be able to sleep#i start feeling shit on my skin and yes i know that's not normal. and I have to look at it to convince my brain to ignore it#i get jumpscared by my HAIR falling on my arms girl. that's embarrassing#what i'm ANGRY about is that this is about ANTS. who want NOTHING to do with me and every to do with idk leaves and crumbs#and I KNOW they're from the veranda. but nooooo someone is dumb and skipped her meds and now she's withdrawing and freaking out. about ANTS#EMBARRASSING.#as i'm typing this i'm scratching at myself for what is most likely 1) nothing 2) my hair or 3) cat fur#i'd bring this up to my therapist but he abandoned me </3 like they all do </3 i'm gonna develop abandonment issues at this rate LMAO#so uh anyway imma finish what I was doing (lie) and go to sleep (eventually) and take my meds#and hopefully remember to mention the formication to a health professional at some point lol#i just needed to write this down as evidence of how i'm feeling rn so tomorrow I can read this and say ''wow that was silly'' mkay? kay
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magicmoon65 · 1 year ago
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@enbydragon02
having one of those executive function days where everything is too many steps
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moe-broey · 6 months ago
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Oh. Huh.
#they moved nagamas to ao3? which makes sense all the reasons given for it ect ect#idk if i really wanna go That out of my way for it though........ it was really fun/a huge test of my abilities when i participated#but like. this is my confession. my cardinal sin maybe. but i barely if ever read fic (and obvs ao3 is more than fic it's a whole archive)#and if i do. i'm only doing it about characters i like generally but am not really that heavily invested in.#like i can read an ike/soren. have a little fun w it. maybe aa fics. kinda fun.#but i live in a beautifyl world on an island in my mind palace where alfonse is ambiguously but distinctly queer/mlm#deeply elaborate inner world about it. so much internal lore. the alfonse that lives in my head is so important to me.#if i see anyone doing him wrong i'm going to kill them on sight. i'm so sorry. i won't even lie or joke i'm straight up not normal about it.#LIKE it used to be WORSE ACTUALLY..... i have had to grow as a person. to be nicies. so we can all play touys and hold hands.#i'm not even being dramatic. it is that serious.#i'm not vaguing i'm jusf trying to find a way to explain that sometimes.#transmasc who had an emotionally devastating breakup on account of incompatibility 🫵 are you being normal about women.#like my core point here. sometimes you do gotta self reflect on the load bearing coping mechanism#and sometimes your world gets a little fuller for it! wow! so beaitfylf.... congrasts on being nicies 😊👍#but you could not pay me to venture into ao3 about a character i'm heavily invested in. i will kill us both.#and. obvs. what. started this ramble. nagamas is probably its own thing on there#but that is too far out of my comfort zone. you cannot pull me out of this dark corner. i live here. i'll die anywhere else.#huge props and shoutouts to fic writers though like! cool valid art medium i've even considered myself#i'm too comic brained though. i'd have to hone a whole ass other skillset also. like. i'm not a stranger to writing#but i'm def rusty. and really again my one true love is words WITH images#i just. don't wanna come off like i'm shitting on fic i respect fic so much. i just don't often indulge in it#and i am. such. a high strung bitch. that is entirely a me issue. you don't gotta worry about that! 🫡#we can ALL play touys ... with each other or side by side or separately. peace and love 💖
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sourcherryandsprinkles · 3 months ago
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We NEED more soft!Rafe after the new season. He moved out and got a whole house to himself maybe he could ask his girl to move in? Becasue he wants her there and to be part of his life...his new life where he's a better person
Request: SOFT RAFE PLSSS
I don't know when I found time to write this, but enjoy soft!Rafe asking his girlfriend to move in with him! Feel free to send more requests, I'll write when I find time
Warnings: soft!Rafe, relationship moving quickly, mention of Ward's death
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‘’Rafe, I truly can’t see. I’m not cheating,'’ you promised as you walked with Rafe’s hands over your eyes.  
He had picked you up in late afternoon and refused to tell you where you were going. Just that he wanted to show you something...and that you had to close your eyes during the whole drive. 
Rafe laughed a bit, trusting you. ''Okay, okay.'' 
You walked a few more steps, then he stopped and removed his hands from your eyes, revealing a large two story house. 
A frown formed between your eyebrows. ‘’Who's house is this?''
He wrapped his arms around you from behind, resting his chin on your shoulder. ‘’Mine,'' he whispered in your ear, giving you a gentle kiss on your jawline. ‘’As of this morning.'' 
Surprise filled your face. ‘’You bought a house?’’ 
Every time Rafe showed up to your place after a fight with his family — most often his father —, needing a bed to crash in for a few days, you tried talking to him about getting his own place. It would solve a lot of conflicts. But Rafe always said he wasn’t ready to leave the family nest. 
Behind you, Rafe hummed. ‘’I bought it with a part of my dad’s inheritance money. Sharing a house with Rose is not possible anymore. Too much has happened...’’ 
You covered his hands with yours in silent support. You’d heard the ugly stories about Rose and Rafe. He hadn’t always made the best decisions in the past, but Rose constantly blamed him for everything bad that happened to the family. Rafe may have deep personal issues, but it was wrong of her to villainize him.
‘’Do you want a tour?’’ he asked, his voice brimming with excitement, and the eagerness in his eyes made it impossible for you to refuse.
You followed Rafe up the steps to the porch of his new home. He fumbled briefly with the key before pushing the door open, but just as you were about to enter, he pulled you to a sudden stop.
“Wait,” he ordered, his strong arms wrapping around you as he effortlessly lifted you up.
You squeaked, startled by the sudden move. ‘’Rafe, we're not married, you know,’’ you said with a soft laugh, looping an arm behind his neck. ‘’You don't have to carry me over the threshold."
He set you down gently on the wooden floor of the entrance hall and shut the door behind him. 
Inside, the house felt big and empty, its openness accentuated by the sunlight streaming through the uncovered windows.
‘’I don’t know why, but I expected it to be fully furnished,’’ you admitted, glancing towards what you assumed was the living room. 
Rafe chuckled, his fingers lacing with yours as he guided you further in. ‘’Some people do buy them furnished, but this one wasn’t. You’ll have to help me pick out furniture because I suck at decorating.’’ 
The kitchen was massive and even had two ovens — a rich people thing. It was unfortunate Rafe didn’t cook. The backyard had a large patio where Rafe mentioned wanting to set a barbecue and a firepit, and maybe one of those large daybeds. He wanted his house to be cozy and feel like a home, not look straight out of a fucking magazine.
As he led you into the last room upstairs, the master bedroom, Rafe's voice grew soft. The words were burning on his tongue, but he didn’t know how to say them. 
‘’And here's our bedroom. I mean, the bedroom.’’ He made a mistake on purpose, just to see your reaction. 
You tried to hide the smile that spread across your lips, your heart beating fast in your chest. The slip of his tongue hadn't gone by unnoticed. Did he truly mean for you to live here with him? Was this why he took you to the house and insisted on making it a surprise? 
‘’There’s a big bathtub in the master bedroom, and—’’ Rafe continued, moving toward the bathroom to show you the bathtub, but you were not listening. 
Moving in with someone is a huge step in a relationship, not something you can decide on a whim. You and Rafe had only been together for a few months, so it felt a bit early to take that step. But then again, everything in your relationship had moved quickly from the start. He met your parents two weeks after your first kiss, and said ‘I love you’ after twenty-six days of dating — yes, you had counted them. 
When Rafe glanced back at you, he noticed you seemed deep in thought. ‘’Is everything okay?’’ he asked, an eyebrow raised in concern. 
You snapped out of your thoughts, shaking your head. ‘’Yeah, everything’s good,’’ you replied, smiling at him. ‘’I was just thinking of all the time it’ll take us to christen our house.’’ A mischievous grin curled on your lips as you walked toward him. ‘’Maybe we should start now. It’s a big house.’’ 
Rafe’s eyes flickered with surprise as he heard what you were implying. He expected you to refuse, to say it was too soon. 
‘’You’ll move in with me?’’ he asked, a hint of disbelief in his voice. 
You nodded, and a smile curled on Rafe's face. He's never been happier.
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dimeadozencows · 1 year ago
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There are a lot of great tags on this post, and a lot of different and unique takes on gaster which i always love to read :DD but i dont think i managed to evoke what i wanted to with this drawing
We know that gasters aware hes in a video game, but so many characters in undertale are aware of that already. One of the things that make gasters situation different is his ability to look at our world directly. He's aware that we've been looking for him and trying to understand what and who he is, he knows these last few years were dogshit for everyone on earth and mentions it in his pre chapter 2 tweets, he knows our life outside of our tempering with these worlds
And unlike other self aware characters in undertale, he doesn't experience time and the resets. He "lives" outside of what we can control. He truly remembers all that we've done while being unaffected by any of it. So while other self aware characters (im mainly thinking of sans and flowey) know that theres a person behind frisk whos controlling time, they're affected by our choices and (for the most part) can't judge it from an outside perspective
Sans is mostly unaffected by our inputs, and he does manage to judge us in a very impactful way, but he can't be a completely uninvolved judge. He will (understandably) react to us killing his brother and on certain neutral endings, as much as hes trying to hold his unfazed facade together, he's struggling with the thought of how much of his happiness you took away, even if he knows a reset will likely happen and everything will go back to the way it was. Understandably! This game is his world. Even if he knows its just a game that gets reset its still his home and the people he loves are its residents. He can't be unfazed by everything. he is nice to us when we're nice to him, and he hates our guts when we give him reason to. And he will always forget us after a reset and react to our actions only on the current run, not being able to know who we were to him before.
And flowey acts as the embodiment of this games message, he is our mirror and, in his words, he is who we will become if we exhaust this game of all it has. He exists to judge us, but he can do so only from his own point of view. He's judging our actions, our choices in this world as if we we're stuck inside it the way he is, which we aren't. That's not to say his judgement isn't impactful, that would just be. incorrect to say lol. But he can't interpret what he sees us do in a fully unbiased way because he's in a very similar, but not identical, situation to us. While we can enter his world and play the kind way, we do get bored and try new things, like picking the other, more rude dialogue option, or killing a character to see what a person who loves them says. even if we don't fully want to. Just like he said! But while we both went through the same process, there's a difference between us. We can leave. We don't have to grow apathetic and detached from these characters. We don't have to start seeing them less as people and more as repetitive lines of dialogue. If we're bored, we can leave. Play a new game. Come back when we miss them and see those familiar lines of dialogue and feel nostalgia, not dread. And he knows that we're a person that has a life outside of this game. At the end of pacifist he desperately tries to make us stay. But he doesn't see what our life is like, he cant see what we do with our days outside of his world, so he can only see us leave and return and leave and return, and judge us through his (flawed) world view and based on our actions within a world we enter for fun.
Thats not to say they're not written well? They're the fucking coolest flowey and sans rule.(i think the info dump proves my stance on them) I'm just saying that even if they know about us they cant fully judge the situation from a neutral point of view because they have a limited world view and they're affected by our choices, which gaster (as of now) isn't
And we don't know a lot about him. But we do know that he knows hes in a video game, that he knows we control his world and its linear time, that he lives outside of that linear time and is unaffected by our inputs, that he used to experience time linearly before shattering, that he had people he cared about in undertale, that he saw everything all of us did when playing undertale, that he is kind to us in the current deltarune chapters, that he knows of our lives and what we go through, and most importantly in my opinion, he knows that we (fans of utdr) use fiction as escapism
We've had characters judge us and berate us for our misdeeds, who are fully justified in doing so since we did hurt them directly. But they also cannot see the situation from an outside perspective. No character in undertale sees us separated from their world, as a person who lives a life outside of tempering with undertale, to them we are just a god who takes control of their reality, all they see is a cruel person who entered a world just to destroy it, or give everyone freedom and then just take it away in a second, they don't see how small their world is in comparison to ours, they'll never be able to understand that our actions in their world are (for the most part) inconsequential to us. they cant see us beyond the red soul.
so imagine with me for a second, a character within the game who is not only aware of the fact that he's in a game and that there's a player who controls time, but who also has the ability to SEE the players' lives through the internet. A character who has the ability to see the horrors of everyday real life and how much people struggle with it, and see that some deal with those struggles using fiction. And not just any fiction, the fiction that the character itself lives in. A character who knows that these great beings, much bigger than him, use the thought of him and his world to get through the trials and tribulations of their lives, hardships that are horrific in completely different ways than his world ever had. A character who knows that they find comfort indulging in his world and finding everything it has to offer, because whatever his world has is much more pleasant than theirs.
He knows that to us his world is just a video game, one that remembers and we're not above consequences in, but still a video game. One of the most common complaints i hear about UT is that it is preachy in its message, and players shouldn't be berated by it for playing certain routes or making certain choices (but one of the points of the game was that there is an alternative way to complete it so why choose violence BUT that is a whole conversation in it of itself and this is long enough already)
So what if the game understood? What if the character who created this game, this world, knew that it is just a game and didn't judge the player? What if the character accepted that he is only fiction and saw the beauty and purpose within it, and how he can use his position in this situation to connect with us and allow us to escape our hurt for just a little while? What if he saw the hardships we've endured and empathised with us? What if he understood that we don't view his world as real like he does and we just use it for our fun, to escape, the way a child happily plays with a toy? What if he felt for us, and encouraged it?
Deltarune (initially) not having a way to really hurt and kill people makes me think that while gaster wanted us in this world for whatever his larger goal is, and wanted us to indulge in it, he didn't want us to hurt anyone. But he saw what we did with the previous world and knows that warnings, consequences and the visible and audible hurt of the characters won't stop us (in fact, it will encourage us), which is something he accepts and understands. it's said that his own curiosity brought him far in his endeavours so perhaps he even understands our curiosity and why we just have to see what would happen, as morbid as it is in universe
But i love that we (without the help of noelle, a game breaking pro) cannot kill anyone. He didn't even give us that option. He isn't completely detached from these worlds since he used to live within them. He still views the fictional characters in the game as real while also knowing us, our lives, and the way we interact with the characters. And he loves and cares for both.
Letting us escape into a nicer world while keeping the residents of it safe from us.
And that is of course assuming he isn't tricking us into a false sense of security to teach us a lesson, and isn't lying to our faces every time he talks to us kindly and thanks us. but i think that after an entire game and a whole cast of characters who taught us lessons and took control away from us and showed us what an asshole we are for playing the game in an unkind way.. i think it'll be a really nice thing and a breath of fresh air to have a character who knows what they and their world are to us on a realistic scale, see why we sometimes act so detached from its ways, and understand that yeah, it is just a game. And we do the things we do as a means to escape. And that it isn't necessarily a bad thing to interact with games in this way (to me that sounds like the most self aware character ever written). But also see the characters within it as real (since he used to be amongst them) and protect them from our worst.
Truly and wholeheartedly loving and caring for both his family and the person who barely hesitates to strip them of all their joy before murdering them too.
Kissing the hands of the man who killed his son
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I have endured what no one on earth has ever done before
I put my lips to the hands of the man who killed my son
#and the original caption is a direct quote#but i love the thought of him analyzing and judging his own worldview and the stance he took on his and his peoples' situations#thinking about how morbid it is that he is empathising and enjoying the company of the people who kill everyone he loves#but still not being able not to#but that↑ is too much fanon interpretation for this accidental character analysis#not even sure anyone will see/read this lol. but i love this guy. i think of him often. i think he has a lot of love in his heart.#parts of this do feel a bit repetitive. srry about that sgsjdj. also sorry about any grammatical errors English sucks muchly#also this is a very VERY surface level reading of undertales message and meta narrative and sans' and floweys characters-#please don't judge my analysis abilities based on this i just wanted to rant about my feelings and emotions and thoughts about#the silly wingding man and why i used a priam quote in a drawing of him#he broke the cycle of hurt#thinking about it i probably should've talked about the original story here. but I don't know it that well and#i don't wanna spread misinformation. also i forgot.#ALSO they way i refered to and interpreted the utdr community is extremely generalising- most of us are weenies and pick the nice dialogue#options every time we play and we dont kill anybody. hell im one of the people who have a hard time replaying ut after completing pacifist.#but generally the community has played no mercy and killed for no reason and exhausted the game of all its got-#thats what the characters see so thats what i wrote them reacting to#(I keep adding more tags while trying to fall asleep) ALSO. gaster could be treating us the same way papyrus does on a no mercy run#papyrus sees us heading down a dangerous path and instead of warning us or threatening us or fighting us he offers us a chance to stop it#showing us kindness when we don't deserve it. (imo its one of if not the most impactful moment of the no mercy route on a meta level)#papyrus doesn't know our lives outside of this. he doesn't know that we do this for fun- to escape unpleasant things in our life. he sees#our actions in his world outside of context and still offers us his mercy (he is the greatest character of all time#AND thats how WE treat the violent characters in our path on a pacifist route) pap does this without the context! so imagine if he had it!#he'd understand even more. thats where i think gaster stands#anyways#dadster 4everrrrrrrrrrrr#infodump
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physalian · 7 months ago
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How to make your writing sound less stiff
Just a few suggestions. You shouldn’t have to compromise your writing style and voice with any of these, and some situations and scenes might demand some stiff or jerky writing to better convey emotion and immersion. I am not the first to come up with these, just circulating them again.
1. Vary sentence structure.
This is an example paragraph. You might see this generated from AI. I can’t help but read this in a robotic voice. It’s very flat and undynamic. No matter what the words are, it will be boring. It’s boring because you don’t think in stiff sentences. Comedians don’t tell jokes in stiff sentences. We don’t tell campfire stories in stiff sentences. These often lack flow between points, too.
So funnily enough, I had to sit through 87k words of a “romance” written just like this. It was stiff, janky, and very unpoetic. Which is fine, the author didn’t tell me it was erotica. It just felt like an old lady narrator, like Old Rose from Titanic telling the audience decades after the fact instead of living it right in the moment. It was in first person pov, too, which just made it worse. To be able to write something so explicit and yet so un-titillating was a talent. Like, beginner fanfic smut writers at least do it with enthusiasm.
2. Vary dialogue tag placement
You got three options, pre-, mid-, and post-tags.
Leader said, “this is a pre-dialogue tag.”
“This,” Lancer said, “is a mid-dialogue tag.”
“This is a post-dialogue tag,” Heart said.
Pre and Post have about the same effect but mid-tags do a lot of heavy lifting.
They help break up long paragraphs of dialogue that are jank to look at
They give you pauses for ~dramatic effect~
They prompt you to provide some other action, introspection, or scene descriptor with the tag. *don't forget that if you're continuing the sentence as if the tag wasn't there, not to capitalize the first word after the tag. Capitalize if the tag breaks up two complete sentences, not if it interrupts a single sentence.
It also looks better along the lefthand margin when you don’t start every paragraph with either the same character name, the same pronouns, or the same “ as it reads more natural and organic.
3. When the scene demands, get dynamic
General rule of thumb is that action scenes demand quick exchanges, short paragraphs, and very lean descriptors. Action scenes are where you put your juicy verbs to use and cut as many adverbs as you can. But regardless of if you’re in first person, second person, or third person limited, you can let the mood of the narrator bleed out into their narration.
Like, in horror, you can use a lot of onomatopoeia.
Drip Drip Drip
Or let the narration become jerky and unfocused and less strict in punctuation and maybe even a couple run-on sentences as your character struggles to think or catch their breath and is getting very overwhelmed.
You can toss out some grammar rules, too and get more poetic.
Warm breath tickles the back of her neck. It rattles, a quiet, soggy, rasp. She shivers. If she doesn’t look, it’s not there. If she doesn’t look, it’s not there. Sweat beads at her temple. Her heart thunders in her chest. Ba-bump-ba-bump-ba-bump-ba- It moves on, leaving a void of cold behind. She uncurls her fists, fingers achy and palms stinging from her nails. It’s gone.
4. Remember to balance dialogue, monologue, introspection, action, and descriptors.
The amount of times I have been faced with giant blocks of dialogue with zero tags, zero emotions, just speech on a page like they’re notecards to be read on a stage is higher than I expected. Don’t forget that though you may know exactly how your dialogue sounds in your head, your readers don’t. They need dialogue tags to pick up on things like tone, specifically for sarcasm and sincerity, whether a character is joking or hurt or happy.
If you’ve written a block of text (usually exposition or backstory stuff) that’s longer than 50 words, figure out a way to trim it. No matter what, break it up into multiple sections and fill in those breaks with important narrative that reflects the narrator’s feelings on what they’re saying and whoever they’re speaking to’s reaction to the words being said. Otherwise it’s meaningless.
Hope this helps anyone struggling! Now get writing.
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incoherent-orca · 1 year ago
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In ASL and SSL, this is the gesture for "Inshallah," which means means "God willing"; it's used to express hope that a specific future event will come to pass.
🇵🇸 Things you can do below 🇵🇸
🍉 SHARE posts from Palestinians, especially journalists on the ground (copy link on IG works just as well as sharing?). They're literally dying for that footage 🙃 let's make sure it counts
🍉 DONATE an E-sim @connectinghumanity_ on IG
🍉 DONATE to @CareForGaza (Twitter; donation links should be on their profile too). A lot of donation drives are just... making a grab at clout but this one is legit; a number of Gazans confirm that the food/produce is getting to them. The organizer seems to be Palestinian and living there as well
🍉 BOYCOTT brands listed by @bdsnationalcommittee on IG
Official boycott targets: AXA, Puma, Carrefour, Siemens, Ahava, HP, Sodastream, any products from Israel
Organic boycott targets: Domino's, McDonald's, Burger King, Pizza Hut, Wix
🍉 PRESSURE your governments & officials to call for a ceasefire and #InvokeGenocideConvention at the ICJ (rootsaction.org)
🍉 PROTEST. If there are mobilizations in your area, show up to be part of the count. No heroics—do what you feel safe doing and listen to the organizers.
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it was also important to me to include an Al-Qassam fighter in this, because they're often scapegoated by Western media, and also by well-meaning allies who say "but civilians are not Hamas"; there's this attempt to separate militant resistance from the process of liberation as a whole
Yeah, most civilians are not Hamas, but they don't denounce them either. Palestinians call them freedom fighters, protectors.
because the resistance is not a bunch of evil, violent outliers; they are as much victims of the occupation as the women, children, and non-combatants are. Most if not all of them were born under the occupation; a good percentage of them are also orphans.
I will never condemn boys who live along the coast but have never seen the sea.
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And end to the violence can't mean a return to business as usual, where the occupation and apartheid continue and Palestinians are still getting displaced on their own land. it will still take decades to rebuild homes. priceless historical and cultural items & structures have been callously destroyed and can never be recovered. nearly all the children in gaza have been made disabled and traumatized and murdered—what kind of future will they inherit?
israel must be abolished. They, the US, Canada, and the EU, must pay
Inshallah, we will not stop at a ceasefire
Inshallah, we will see complete liberation for Palestine
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planetaryupscaled · 27 days ago
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The Bed We Made
Male Reader x Teyeon x Winter
Tags: 18k, smut, creampie, dubcon, incest, oral, tw
The story is not ours, we alternate the original story to match our desired settings.
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It’s not often you meet a mother who is as good-looking as her daughter or the rest of the family for that matter.
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Groaning and moaning is all i heard as I passed the guest bedroom where my cousin Chaewon had been. ‘It’s nice to see someone is having fun’ I said to myself as I walked down the hall past my sister's bedroom. Now I close my ear. Shit, I don't want to hear what happens inside there.
I didn't like Minjeong boyfriend, that's no secret. But I’d learned a long time ago to stay out of her love life. That guy was an asshole. I couldn’t hide my feeling on him, not from her, but I remained silent on the subject. I was sure Minjeong would figure it out eventually and for the time being, at least he was a good-looking asshole that seemed to make her happy.
I moved on once again toward my own room. Chaewon’s brother Sojun was there with his new girlfriend Juhyeon. He was using my room because the only other bedroom available was my mom’s and neither Minjeong nor I thought it right that he and his girlfriend sleep there. I got mom’s bed since I was the one who stupidly broke up with his girlfriend the week before.
“I really could have timed it better,” I mumbled to myself.
Minjeong and I had started planning this night from the moment mom told us that she was going out of town on business. I was twenty and going to college. Minjeong was twenty-three and already working. She still lived home while she saved up for a place.
Mom was pretty old fashioned and didn’t let the people we were dating sleep over. She was a typical mother. She liked to think of us still as kids. It would have been cute if it weren’t so annoying.
I stopped in front of my bedroom door and listened. I forgot to get a pair of sweats to sleep in out of my closet before Sojun and Juhyeon disappeared into my room. I didn’t hear anything, so I opened the door gently. I glanced at my bed and saw that they were asleep.
They were naked. My eyebrows rose in appreciation when I saw Juhyeon. I had to give him credit. I’d thought she was cute when I met her earlier, but now I realized that Juhyeon was a lot more than that. She was hot, and had a very nice body. I shook my head and looked away.
The sweat pants were easily reachable and I got them as quietly as I could. I was making my escape when I stubbed my toe. I cursed as quietly as I could.
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“Are you okay?” I heard Juhyeon ask. I looked back toward the bed. She had pulled the covers up, but I could still see her curves through the sheets. She saw me looking and smiled.
“Fine,” I replied a little too quickly. “Sorry. I just needed to get something to sleep in.”
“No problem,” she said kindly. “I shouldn’t have a problem going back to sleep. I’m still pretty drunk.”
“Aren’t we all?” I grinned. “We finished almost all the alcohol we bought, and that’s saying something.”
“It was a fun night,” she smiled in return. It was sexy as hell. I looked at her and shook my head as I fought to hide my sudden and intense attraction to her.
“You know, if you do have a problem going back to sleep...” I began, and paused when I realized what I was about to say. What’s wrong with me?
“Yes?” Juhyeon asked with a raised eyebrow. I was tempted, but it wasn’t going to happen. I wasn’t the type to try and steal someone’s girl. “You could wake him up. I’m sure he’d appreciate it.”
“You think?” she smiled.
“I know,” I laughed, then glanced at my cousin who seemed almost comatose and added, “Although he seemed wiped out.”
“He is,” she replied, slowly looking at me oddly. “Do you want to fill in for him?” I was stunned. Tonight was the first time I met Juhyeon. She was pretty quiet earlier. I would never have guessed she was like this.
“No,” I replied with some difficulty. “Not that I’m not tempted, you are hot as hell,” I laugh.
“How sweet,” she teased. “Oh, thanks for the complement.”
“You deserve it,” I said, shaking my head.
“If you keep talking like that,” she smiled sexily. “I might not give you the choice.”
“I’d better be going then,” I laughed, but it was very difficult to move.
“Now look what you’ve done?” she asked. “I’m horny again. I guess I’ll have to wake him up.”
“Think you can?” I joked. “He looks passed out.”
“Watch me,” she replied confidently. Juhyeon shocked me again by reaching out and beginning to rub my cousin’s cock through the sheet. She was watching me, obviously enjoy my reaction.
‘Wow!’ I thought. ‘Drunk or not, this girl was definitely something else.
Juhyeon continued to look at me as she worked her mouth. I stood there mesmerized. She had one of the sexiest smiles I’d ever seen. She let the sheet drop slightly and exposed her breasts. I shook my head.
“I don’t suppose you have a sister?” I asked.
“Two,” she grinned. “But the younger one is only eighteen and pretty innocent.”
“And the older one?” I asked.
“You couldn’t handle her,” Juhyeon laughed.
“Maybe not,” I smiled. “But after watching this, I’d sure like to try.”
“Watching what?” she asked huskily, no longer laughing. “You mean this?” And with that Juhyeon pulled the cock from under the sheet and took it into her mouth while her eyes never left mine. I swallowed hard.
“Does he know just how much of a slut you are?” I groaned. My eyes were locked with hers.
“Not yet,” she smiled sexily, “But he’s learning.”
“Are you sure you aren’t willing to introduce me to your sister?” I joke.
“Maybe one day,” she smiled. “Or maybe I’ll let Sojun play with my sister and keep you to myself.”
“Okay,” I laugh. “Are you always like this?”
“Not usually,” she admitted. “But like I said earlier, I’m pretty drunk.”
“So, if you were sober you wouldn’t want to do what you just suggested?”
“Oh, I would want to do it,” she replied. “I just wouldn’t have suggested it, at least not so soon after starting to date Sojun and meeting you.”
“Hah you are something else.” I said, shaking my head.
“Yes, she is,” my cousin said, finally awake.
“Hey lover,” Juhyeon said, smiling at him.
“You two have fun,” I said, shaking my head again and leaving my room.
I went into the bathroom and changed into my sweats. I had to wrestle my cock inside. Juhyeon really got to me. I forced Tried to force myself not to think about it or I’d never get to sleep.
Mom’s room was the biggest and she had a king-sized bed. I shook my head sadly as I looked at it. It was too bad she never shared it with anyone. My father had disappeared right after I was born. I didn’t know him and at this point I never wanted to.
I climbed into bed and closed my eyes. I was tired, but had a hard time going to sleep. I knew what was going on in all of the other bedrooms and I had to admit that I was jealous, and horny as hell. I thought about taking care of myself, but I was in mom’s bed and I just couldn’t do it.
It took me some time to finally relax. That’s when lying in mom’s bed helped. It smelled of her and reminded me of how she used to help me calm down and fall asleep when I was a kid. In fact, mom’s bed was where Minjeong and I used to climb in when we had nightmares. Mom would play with our hair until we fell asleep.
I’m not sure how long I slept before I heard someone enter the room. It was pitch dark and whoever it was didn’t seem to be interested in putting on the light despite stumbling. I couldn’t quite remember what I was dreaming about, but I knew it was sexual. I was disappointed that my sleep was interrupted.
I opened my mouth and almost started to ask what was going on, but I stopped myself when I realized that there was no reason for someone to come in here in the middle of the night. It had to be one of the people sleeping over.
I reviewed who was in the house and a thought came to me. I felt myself stiffen instantly. Could it be? Would she do this?
I thought the answer to both questions obvious. I remembered the way Juhyeon looked at me and what she said. It had to be her. The question was, what should I do about it? She was sneaking into the room I was sleeping in, her intent obvious, but she was my cousin’s girlfriend.
‘Maybe Sojun knows. Maybe they decided to do what she said. Maybe my cousin is going to get Juhyeon’s sister while I get Juhyeon,’ I thought suddenly, but then frowned and added, ‘That’s a hell of a lot of maybes.’
I was still wrestling with myself on what to do when she climbed into bed next to me. All the sexual tension from before returned in full and I reached for her. Juhyeon we were in my mother’s bed, but I was too worked up to think or worry about it anymore. I aggressively pulled her into a kiss before she could say anything. She was naked and tasted strongly of alcohol.
Juhyeon stiffened at first when I kissed her. I guess she was surprised I was awake. She relaxed quickly enough though and ended up being a good kisser despite being drunk. She moaned softly into my mouth as I started rubbing her breasts. She took my cock in her hand and start stroking it like she did with my cousin earlier. It was my turn to moan.
I pulled off my shirt and sweats and dropped them on the floor. We were both obviously beyond the need of foreplay. I rolled on top of her and Juhyeon spread her legs wide. The scent of her excitement spread and despite being ready, I couldn’t stop myself from taking a moment to taste her. My tongue dipped deep into her pussy and she cried out. Juhyeon’s pussy was surprisingly hairy. I liked it.
“Yes! It’s been so long!”
I froze at the words. The voice wasn’t Juhyeon’s! My mind took seconds to function before it could wrap around the truth. I was lying here with my head between my mother’s legs, What the… she was supposed to be out of town!
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“Don’t stop!” she cried, using both hands to pull my face against her. I didn’t know what to do. This was wrong, so very wrong!
‘Or is it?’ I suddenly asked myself. I mean, I knew it was wrong, but obviously she liked what I was doing. I loved her and if it brought her pleasure, maybe right and wrong didn’t come into it. Besides, she tasted amazing!
“Please!” she cried. “I’m close!” I tentatively started licking again almost without realizing it. She groaned and pulled my mouth against her even harder. “Whoever you are, you have the nicest tongue!”
‘She must be very drunk,’ I thought. Mom wasn’t the type to drink or sleep around. I knew that. In fact, she’d only moments ago said that it had been a long time. She obviously wasn’t thinking straight right now, but she would in time.
“Oh!” she gasped. “I’m going to cum…” Her pussy became even wetter and the taste overwhelmed me.
I refocused my attention on what I was doing and was quickly rewarded with her cum. She cried out as her orgasm took her. The sound made me smile, almost proudly. No matter what else, I’d given her a moment of ecstasy.
“That was amazing,” she said afterward. I could hear the contentment in her voice, but I also realized that she wanted more. So did I.
‘I can’t feel this way about her, It’s so wrong!’ I thought. Yet, I felt what I felt. ‘No!’
I knew it was time to leave despite my own excitement. The only problem was that she wrapped her hand around my cock and she started stroking it again before I could figure out how to make my escape. A few moments later she kissed me and all thoughts of leaving disappeared.
I was amazed at how excited kissing she made me feel. It didn’t make sense! She was my mother and you didn’t do this with your mother, only I was and it felt incredible. Her tongue danced in my mouth and I moaned. I was lying on my back now and after a few minutes I felt she start to shift on top of me. I knew what she wanted, but I wasn’t ready for that. Not with her!
I pushed her off.
“Men,” she laughed. “You’re all the same. It doesn’t matter how many years have passed.” I didn’t know what she was talking about until she took my cock into her mouth.
‘Holy shit!’ I cried silently. ‘she is giving me a blowjob’ The fact that she was very good at it only made it worse.
I moaned and rested one hand on her head. She didn’t need any direction, but it felt good to have my fingers intertwined with her hair. She wasn’t a full-figured woman, but neither was she skinny in any sense. She went to the gym every night and stayed trim. She said it was because of her job, but I knew that she was proud of her figure.
My orgasm grew close very quickly as she continued to suck my cock like crazy. She also messaged my balls with one hand. It didn’t take long for me to cum in her mouth. She drank it all down.
“I hope you don’t take long to recover,” she said afterward as she rolled onto her back. “I need this. It’s been a very long time and I’ve had a horrible last couple of days.”
I wondered what happened that made them horrible, but there was no way to find out without letting her know who I was. So instead, I kissed her again. She was obviously excited because her tongue danced wildly in my mouth.
“Oh, very nice,” she cried when she felt my cock hardening again. This time she tried to shift me on top of her. I helped despite my uncertainty. She sighed contently when she felt my weight on her and added, “I’m ready.”
The question was, was I? Would I really have sex with her? I knew she needed it and frankly, I was horny as hell, but what would happen tomorrow? How would we deal when we were both sober?
She was rubbing my cock up and down her pussy.
“Please don’t tease me!” she begged, and the next thing I knew I was pushing inside of her. None of my questions or fears had been addressed, but I was beyond caring at the moment.
She was pretty tight, but she was so excited that it didn’t take me long to push all the way in. I didn’t want to think about the only other time I’d been inside her pussy. Instead, I started stroking in and out of her.
“Yes!” she cried. “You’re so big!”
She wrapped her legs around my hips and pulled me deeper. She also raked my back with her nails. It got worse the closer she came to orgasm.
“Nghhgod….” she cried. “I’m cumming!” I was pretty sure she drew blood with her nails.
My own orgasm was still far off. I wanted to bring her pleasure and my own excitement was obvious, but this just wasn’t right. Don’t get me wrong. What we were doing felt amazing and was driving me crazy. I just couldn’t finish, not like this.
She thrashed under me as her orgasm took her. I held her through it and kept my cock pressed as deeply as it would go. It took her surprisingly long time to finish.
“Thank you,” she said, sounding almost as if she were crying. “I really needed that.”
I refused to get off of her or pull out. In fact, it wasn’t long before I started gently moving in and out of her again.
“Again?” she asked in surprise. I pushed in deeper in reply, causing her to moan.
I continued to work her pussy until her excitement grew to the point where she was once again scratching my back. Her pussy was tight, hot and wet. It felt like my cock was an iron-like rod being thrust in and out of a furnace. It was amazing, I wanted to cum inside her, but I knew that there was only one way I’d be able to do that. She needed to know the truth. Could we?
“You are beautiful,” I said, she stopped scratching my back as my words were sinking in past her alcohol filled mind. “I love you.”
“Minho?” she asked tentatively.
“Yes mom,” I answered. “It’s me.”
“No!” she cried and pushed against me wildly. I wouldn’t let her get up, but she spun around and buried herself into the bed. My cock pulled free and I groaned in disappointment.
“Mom, calm down,” I said.
“Get off!” she cried.
“No,” I said, surprising us both. My cock was still hard and wedges between her ass cheeks.
“This is so wrong…” she whimpered.
“It’s already done,” I replied. “And don’t act like didn’t love every minute of it, The bed is soaked.”
“How could you?” she asked.
“I didn’t know it was you at first,” I replied. “What’s your excuse? Just who did you think was in your bed?”
“I didn’t think!” she moaned. “I’m drunk.”
“I know,” I said more gently. “Me too.”
“Minho, please get off of me.” She asked more calmly, but obviously still in shock.
“Mom, we’ve already done the worst we can,” I said. “And it was amazing. I need to cum in you. Please let me.”
“No… Never!” she cried. “You’re my son!”
“I’m also the man whose back you scratched in passion as I drove you to orgasm,” I said.
“We can’t!” she said, but it was obvious she was weakening. I knew that tone of voice. All I needed to do was be patient and I’d get my way. I learned that a long time ago. The only problem was that I couldn’t. I shifted my cock to the entrance of her pussy.
“You wouldn’t,” she cried. I thrust my cock deep. “Stop!”
I ignored her cries, she was now a woman I wanted desperately, needed desperately.
She tried to get out from under me, but I held her in place. She fought harder, but her pussy became wetter with every passing second.
“This is so wrong.” she moaned as she finally stopped fighting and lifted her hips slightly to give me better access. I smiled and pushed in deeper.
“You’re right.” I grunted, and then leaned forward and whispered in her ear, “But that’s not going to stop you from cumming again. Me either.”
“Oh yes…” she groaned. “Cum in me… I want to feel a man fill me again!”
“Even if that man is me?” I couldn’t stop myself from asking. She came to her senses and fought briefly once more, but I held her in place until her need took control again. It wasn’t very long. She was too excited to let her sense of right and wrong get in the way. I drove into her over and over again.
“Your cock is so big!” she moaned. “And you’ve found my weakness, just like your father did all those years ago.”
“Weakness?” I asked.
“Don’t make me say it!” she begged between gasps, but oddly, I knew that she wanted me to.
“Tell me,” I demanded. “Tell me your weakness.”
“I won’t!” she cried, suddenly fighting to get out of me again. I held her down and drove into her harder and faster. She suddenly stopped fighting and came. Her orgasm was explosive.
“Yes! Yes! Nghhh…” she moaned.
I was close, but I wasn’t there yet. She thrashed under me violently. It got so bad that my cock popped free of her. I tried to shove it back in, but I missed and ended up pushing against the entrance to her ass.
“Just like your father!” she moaned again as she froze. It took me a moment to realize what she wanted. No way?
“You want me to fuck your ass?” I asked.
“That’s disgusting!” she cried, which wasn’t a denial. I’d never taken a girl’s ass before, but the thought had always interested me. I pressed the head of my cock against the entrance to her ass more firmly. It was surprisingly tight. It didn’t help that she was fighting me once more. She was clenching her ass. I paused. What if she really didn’t want me to?
“Tell me you want me to fuck your ass and I will,” I said.
“Never!” she gasped under me. “I’m a good girl! I would never say something like that!”
“But you want me to, don’t you?” I asked. She didn’t answer. She just fought harder and the truth hit me. “That’s it, isn’t it? You like to think of yourself as normal and wholesome, but the truth is that you’re a slut.”
“I am not!” she cried. “I’m not doing this of my own free will. You’re forcing me!”
“And you love every moment of it.” I said, realizing I was right. “You like being held down. You like being taken. Admit it!”
“Minho, I’m your mother!” she cried in response.
“So?” I asked. “You’re also a woman. Admit it!”
“I can’t!” she cried. I was done talking. I knew the truth even if she wouldn’t say it. Her ass was still clenched. I was tempted to push past her resistance, but I didn’t want to hurt her. So, I shifted down her body.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
I ignored her question and forced her thighs apart. Now her pussy and ass were open to me and only inches from my mouth. I stuck my tongue out and licked her pussy. She moaned and relaxed slightly, but that only lasted until my tongue moved to her ass.
“Minho, no!” she cried. “Not even you father did that!”
“His loss.” I grunted and focused on what I was doing. I also drove two fingers into her pussy and used the thumb of the same hand on her clit. It wasn’t long before she moaned loudly and she relaxed. I worked both her pussy and ass hard and she loved every minute of it.
“This is so wrong…” she finally gasped.
“Yes, it is,” I agreed easily now. I smiled and decided to tease her. “How can you just lay there and let your son have his way with your body? I’m licking you ass, what kind of a mother are you?”
“No!” she cried, and started fighting me again.
I moved up her body and pressed her down against the bed. She continued to fight until my cock pushed into her ass for the first time. She cried out and surprised me by thrusting back to meet me.
“Your ass is so tight…” I whispered in her ear as I continued to force more of my cock inside.
“So much like your father!” she gasped out again. “Only bigger!”
“Kiss me.” I demanded as my cock finally reached into the depth of her ass. Her head turned and she looked at me. The room was pitch black, but I could feel her eyes. “Kiss me. Show me just what kind of a slut you really are.”
I thought she’d start fighting me again, but she surprised me by finding my mouth and thrusting her tongue inside. I moved in and out of her ass slowly as we continued to kiss.
“Minho stop…” she cried after a while and refused to kiss me. I knew what she was trying to tell me. She was ready. She wanted me to fuck her ass hard. She needed to feel me take her.
“We’re not done yet.” I said, thrusting into her ass with more power and propping myself up. “I need to cum, I need to fill your ass.”
“No…” she cried and started fighting me. I held her down roughly and fucked her ass with everything I had. My hips slammed into her meaty ass with every stroke and made a slapping sound that drove me crazy. She liked it too. I could tell.
“I’m getting close,” I groaned after a while. “I want you to cum with me. Play with yourself.”
“No… Good girls don’t do that!” she replied.
I took one of her hands and roughly pushed it under her and between her legs. It threw my rhythm off, but that was fine for a bit. I wanted this to last. I took her hand in mine and made her rub her soaked pussy. She fought, but not a lot and not for long. It was only a few seconds before her fingers blurred on her clit without my direction.
“I can’t believe you’re forcing me to do this!” she cried as her orgasm growing.
“Shut up and just do it.” I demanded. She moaned as I started fucking her ass in earnest again. I was holding her hips now and ramming in and out of her.
“I’m cumming!” I cried as my orgasm hit.
“That’s it baby! Cum in me! Fill my ass!” She cried as her own orgasm hit. I guess in the heat of the moment she forgot she was supposed to be a good girl.
I pumped a huge amount of cum into her ass. My orgasm took me for what felt like minutes. This was the hottest moment of my life. I had to admit I liked the roughness of our sex too. It was something new to me.
“Are you okay?” she asked in what sounded like real concern when I became dead weight on top of her.
“Better than that,” I moaned as I rolled off of her. We lay there in silence for a while, both fighting to catch our breath.
“We shouldn’t have done that,” she said. I could almost see her shaking her head. She was calmer now.
“I know,” I said, surprising her by pulling her so that her head was resting on my shoulder. It was my turn to comfort her by playing with her hair.
“I feel so guilty,” she added.
“Don’t,” I replied. “If anyone should feel guilty it’s me. I did force myself on you.”
“We both know that’s not true,” she sighed.
“Yes it is,” I insisted. “And the truth is that I liked it. I liked it a lot. And don’t you dare say I’m so much like my father again!”
“But you are,” she said. “But only in the ways I like. You’re not the type of guy to run out on his family.”
“No, I’m not,” I agreed vehemently.
“And you are a lot bigger where it counts,” she added. She was obviously trying to defuse my anger at my father. It would always be there, but she was right. This wasn’t the time of place.
“Thanks,” I said. “Knowing that helps.”
“Men!” she laughed.
“So, why did you come home early?” I asked, changing the subject.
“Ugh,” she stareted. “I had to quit my job. My boss tried to force himself on me while we were away, and not in the way I like.”
“That asshole!” I snapped, ignoring her attempt at humor. “I’ll...”
“Do nothing,” she said in that tone all mothers used. “He was my problem and I took care of him. You will stay away from him.”
“Okay,” I said, but it was too quick and she knew.
“Minho, I’m serious,” she said. “He hit on me all trip and it came to a head when we were at a presentation. Someone was up on stage giving a talk and my boss and I were sitting with the rest of the audience. He grabbed my leg under the table and tried to reach higher.”
“What did you do?” I asked.
“I dumped a glass of water over his head,” she said in satisfaction. “We were in front of most of his clients. It will cost him more than you think.”
“Should’ve sued him,” I said.
“I might,” she replied. “But that’s not a conversation for tonight.”
“Tomorrow then,” I said.
“Well see,” she said, and then changed the subject. “By the way, why aren’t you sleeping in your bed?”
“Sojun and Chaewon came over,” I said nervously. It was weird really. Only a few minutes ago I was in control, holding her down and taking her roughly to both of our enjoyment, but here I was afraid to tell her that we’d had a small party while she was out.
“You and Minjeong had a party, didn’t you?” she guessed.
“Just Sojun and Chaewon,” I said, but then added guiltily. “And Changho, Gyumin and Sojun’s new girlfriend Juhyeon. I thought you were her.”
“You thought I was your cousin’s girlfriend and you jumped me?” she asked.
“Well, she did climb into the bed I was sleeping in,” I said defensively. “Besides, you’d have to meet her to understand. She’s a bit wild.”
“So,” she sighed. “What you’re trying to tell me is that my daughter, nephew and niece are all in the other bedrooms with their significant others having sex?”
“I doubt they’re still at it,” I shrugged. She surprised me by laughing.
“You just better hope your uncle never finds out,” she said when her laughed died down. “He would completely lose it.”
“I don’t know,” I said. “You seem to be handling it pretty well.”
“I’m not my brother,” she replied. “And after what we just did, I don’t have any moral high ground to stand on for the moment.”
“Well, that’s true,” I laughed.
“Minho, it’s not funny,” she sighed. “I can’t say I didn’t enjoy it, but that isn’t going to help tomorrow when we have to face what it means.”
“You know,” I said thoughtfully. “I like when you talk to me like this.”
“Like what?” she asked.
“Like a woman,” I replied. “Don’t get me wrong. I love you and appreciate everything you did for Minjeong and me growing up, but we’re adult now. Besides, I never realized just how hot you could be before.”
“That’s wrong on so many levels,” she sighed. “I’m your mother. I’m not supposed to be hot, at least not to you. Besides, we both know that you wouldn’t be saying that if the lights were on.”
I reached for the nightstand. She was clearly not expecting it when the light came on. It was soft and dull, but we’d been in completely darkness.
“Minho!” she cried, reaching for the covers. I rolled on top of her and held her in place. “Stop!”
“Relax,” I said. “I just wanted to prove you wrong. You’re just as hot in the light as in the darkness.” She froze and looked up at me. I smiled down at her.
She looked great. I knew that and so did she. She worked hard at keeping herself that way and her curves showed it.
“You know, whatever else I’d say about your boss, he has great taste.”
“Minho, get off of me,” she said, shaking her head, but smiling slightly.
“I would, but I seem to have a problem,” I said with a grin. She frowned briefly in concern, but she saw my grin and quickly realized the truth. The fact that my cock was bumping into her belly probably helped.
“No way.” she cried, but I ignored her and tried to kiss her. She twisted her face to the side and I ended up kissing her neck. I didn’t mind in the least. I worked my way up to her mouth. “Minho, we can’t… not again.”
“I want you.” I said between kisses. “And I want to look into your eyes as you cum.”
“No…” she cried again, louder.
“If you get much louder, you’re bound to get the attention of everyone else in the house. Could you just picture Minjeong’s reaction? Or uncle if one of his kids told him?”
“That’s my point.” She said. this time she kept her voice lower. “We can’t keep on doing this! We’ll get caught eventually and then what?”
“Good point,” I said, but then grinned and shrugged before adding, “But at the moment I could care less. I want you. I’m going to have you and that’s all that matters.”
She looked up into my eyes and saw that I was serious despite my grin. She licked her lips in a way that left me know she wanted it too. That was all I needed to know. I pushed my cock halfway into her pussy with one thrust.
“Stop….” she cried, fighting me once more. “I’m your mother…”
“You’re a hot woman that I want to make scream.” I growled. Her eyes got bigger as I thrust the rest of my cock inside her. She cried out and wrapped her arms around me. I started stroking in and out of her. Once again, I felt her nails on my back.
“Minho, I thought I raised a good boy.” she gasped as her orgasm neared.
“You did,” I replied. “But no one is good all the time. Not even you,” I said, “Now, be my slut and cum for me.”
“Nghhhyess…” she cried, her body locking up in orgasm. I watched her passion filled expression in awe. She really was beautiful. I’d remember this moment forever. She noticed me watching and added, “Minho cum with me… cum inside me.”
I grunted and let lose. I filled her pussy as she rolled into another orgasm. Our bodies slammed together over and over again until we were both completely spent.
“Tomorrow we’ll deal with the repercussions,” I said, holding her close afterward. “There must be some.”
“I know,” she sighed. She fell silent for a few minutes. I was starting to nod off when she shook her head.
“What?” I asked.
“You do realize that what we’re doing is incest?” she asked.
“Yes,” I admitted. “And you want to know the sick part?”
“What?”
“The knowledge is only making it better,” I answered.
“For me too,” she admitted, almost too softly for me to hear. “And I’m the mother. I should know better.”
“So do I,” I shrugged. “I’m not a kid anymore.” We fell silent for a while.
“So much for being a good girl,” she sighed eventually.
“Hey, we didn’t plan this. It just happened,” I said. “There’s no sense is beating ourselves up after the fact.”
“It has to stop,” she said.
“I agree,” I said.
“And you can’t sleep here tonight,” she added.
“I know,” I said. “I’ll sleep on the couch in the living room. Right after I take a shower.”
“Good,” she said, but I thought I heard a tinge of disappointment in her voice.
“You know mom,” I said innocently. “I bet you could use a shower too, and your bathroom has the nice big walk in one.” She looked at me and smiled slowly.
“Yes, it does,” she said. “I think I’ll use it first. You wait here and don’t you dare come in. It would be wrong!”
I watched her walk to her bathroom and smiled. She was seriously hot. I’d always know it, but it never really registered until now. Watching her ass wiggle as she walked made my cock stir despite my last orgasm.
I waited a few minutes until I heard her in the shower and then went to the door. I turned the knob and it opened. She hadn’t locked the door. I smiled widely and went in.
“Oh Minho. What am I going to do with you?” she asked, hiding a smile. She was standing under the shower as hot the water cascaded down her body. I shook my head as I watched.
“I have a few ideas,” I replied moving toward her.
“Don’t you dare,” she cried. “You can’t come in here!” Yet, I noticed she moved back from the door to give me room.
“We’ll see about that.” I snapped, opening the door and stepping in. I took her into my arms and kissed her roughly as she started fighting me. Oddly enough, despite her resisting me, somehow her hand found my cock and her tongue thrust deep into my mouth. This continued for some time.
“I want your ass again.” I growled when I couldn’t take it any longer.
“No…” she cried, spinning away from me.
She ended up standing on her toes with her hands against one of the shower walls. I looked at her ass and shook my head. It was round and full. My mouth literally watered.
“Please don’t kiss me down there again.” she cried as if to let me know what she wanted.
I dropped to my knees and buried my face between her ass cheeks. She cried out and thrust her ass out further, giving me better access. She was more than ready, but I took my time. Her ass tasted amazing and she clearly like how it felt.
“What are you doing?” she cried as I stood and pushed my cock against the entrance to her ass.
“Taking a good girl and making her my slut.” I whispered.
“No…” she said. I crushed her against the shower wall and shoved my cock deep into her ass and started riding her slowly.
I took her hair and pulled it into a ponytail and moved it to one side, giving me access to the back of her neck. It was pale white because she always wore her hair down. I licked it and she squirmed under me. I kissed it and her squirms became more pronounced.
“What are you doing?” she asked. The answer came without me realizing it.
“Marking what’s mine. Marking my slut.” I growled and started sucking hard on her neck. The mark I would leave wouldn’t be seen by anyone else as long as she wore her hair down, but we’d both know it was there. It was something that would last beyond tonight.
“No…” she moaned, but she pushed her ass back hard against my cock, forcing it in even deeper.
“Yes,” I snapped, pulling back and looking at my handiwork. She was marked, but it wasn’t dark enough. Not yet anyway, I kissed her neck again.
“Minho, you are going to make some girl very happy one day,” she gasped.
“I’d settle for you today,”
“I am happy,” she moaned. “It’s been so long since I had a real man and no one has ever gotten to me like you do.”
“Not even father?” I asked.
“Not even him!” she groaned. I could feel her fingers brush my cock as she played with her pussy. She was getting close. So was I.
I took her hips and started riding her ass hard. She moaned loudly and came. I continued to stroke I and out of her until she was done. After that I pulled out and spun her toward me.
Her eyes flashed hungrily as I pushed down on her shoulders. She dropped to her knees and reached for my cock, but I stopped her. I held her head with one hand at arms distance and pointed my cock at her with the other as I brought myself to orgasm.
“Open your mouth,” I demanded. She did as she continued to watch me hungrily.
The first few ropes sprayed her face and chest. Some of it made it into her mouth. She pushed my hand away and fell on my cock. I grabbed her head with both hands and fucked her mouth until I was done.
“You need to go,” she said once I was able to half focus again.
“You’re mine,” I said, still a little blurred from my lust.
“I remember,” she sighed. “And I am yours… for tonight.”
“For as long as that mark remains,” I said. She shook her head.
“I thought we agreed that this was just for tonight?” she asked.
“It’s the smart thing to do,” I said, standing up. She looked up into my eyes nervously. “But I’m not giving this up. I’m not giving you up.”
“And if I don’t want this to happen again?” she asked.
“I’ll take you against your will,” I shrugged. “And you’ll love it.”
“I know you don’t mean that. You would never force me if I really didn’t want to.”
“Mom,” I sighed, looking at her. “I’m not sure if that’s true with you. You have no idea what you do to me.”
“We’ll talk about this tomorrow,” she said. “Go get some sleep.”
“Okay,” I said, but my mind wandered. My concern must have been plain on my face, because she took my chin and made me look into her eyes.
“Minho, don’t worry,” she said with a gently smile. “I know you better than you know yourself. You really wouldn’t force me.”
“I hope you’re right,” I sighed.
“I am,” she said confidently, and then added more softly, “But even if I weren’t it wouldn’t matter. I’ll always want you. I just don’t think it’s the right thing to do.”
“It isn’t,” I agreed, relaxing slightly. “And you’re right. We’ll talk tomorrow.”
I kissed her one more time and slipped out of the shower. I dried myself quickly and grabbed my sweats and tee-shirt off the floor in her bedroom. I put them on quickly and took one last look at her bed before leaving. It was rumpled and stained with our pleasure.
It was the same bed I’d gained comfort from when I was a kid. Yet, now it was also something more. It dawned on me that my thoughts described her as well. She was the same person I knew and loved growing up, but now she was something more.
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“Hey little brother,” Minjeong said as she flopped down on the couch cushion next to my head with a grin. “What are you doing sleeping out here?”
“Who said anything about sleeping?” I groaned as I sat up. “This couch sucks! I’m exhausted.”
“Weren’t you going to sleep in your mom’s room?” her boyfriend asked.
“That was the plan,” I sighed. “Until she came home.”
“Mom’s home?” Minjeong asked, no longer smiling.
“Yeah,” I replied as I stood and stretched.
“Oh shit!” Changho sigh. “She hates me as it is, and this isn’t going to help.”
I fought off a smile. Mom didn’t hate Changho. She didn’t hate anyone, but then again, he wasn’t her favorite person. Mine either for that matter.
“Does she know about the party?” he asked.
“Of course,she does,” Minjeong said, answering for me.
“Don’t worry,” I said to Minjeong. “I told her it was his idea. You should be okay.” I then turned to Changho and added, “Although, she did say something about wanting to talk to you this morning.”
“What?” he asked nervously.
“Relax,” Minjeong sighed. “Minho is just joking.”
“Very funny!” he said angrily. I shrugged.
“Changho, I think you’d better be going,” Minjeong said. “Mom’s an early riser and I don’t think you want to be here when she gets up.”
“I’m gone,” he said, giving Minjeong a quick kiss and making for the door. I frowned. This guy is annoying.
“Think we should wake up Chaewon and Sojun?” Minjeong asked.
“Probably,” I answered, forgetting about that dumb boyfriend of hers for the moment. “It will give them a chance to prepare.”
“Like you can prepare for one of mom’s lectures,” Minjeong sighed, but then added, “On the other hand, maybe they can slip out too. There’s no reason for everyone to have to face her wrath.”
“I’ll wake them,” I said.
I climbed the stairs quickly as memories of the night before drifted through my head. My hangover was bad and my head throbbed. Thinking was almost painful. I was also exhausted from trying to sleep on the couch.
The last question was the one that concerned me the most. I had no idea how to react, but I figured I’d work through it eventually. On the other hand, I was seriously worried about mom. I was afraid that there was a good chance she wouldn’t handle it at all. And then what?
I pushed open the guest bedroom door and forced the thoughts of the night before out of my head for the moment. Chaewon and her boyfriend Gyumin were asleep in the bed.
“Wake up you two.” I said, shaking the bed. Gyumin didn’t budge, but Chaewon opened her eyes.
“For God’s sake, why?” Chaewon groaned.
“Because my mom’s home,” I replied.
“Aunt? Oh shit!” Chaewon cried, and then started shaking her boyfriend.
I left the room and moved on to my bedroom. I pulled my shirt off as I went. I needed something to get me going. A shower was just the thing. I’d grab some clothes while I woke Sojun and his girl up. Maybe it would help with my hangover.
I threw open the door to find Juhyeon riding my cousin on my bed. The room smelled of sex. Juhyeon looked at me and smiled. I shook my head. She didn’t even pause in what she was doing.
“You two better hurry,” I said. “Because my mom is home and she’s bound to wake up soon.”
“Damn!” Sojun cried and pushed his girl off of him. Juhyeon clearly wanted to finish. I shook my head and went to the dresser.
I grinned to myself, remembering last night when I thought I was going to get a chance to do much more than just look. That hadn’t worked out, but something much different had.
“Minho, what the hell happened to your back?” Sojun cried as he stood and threw on his clothes. Juhyeon did as well, but she was moving slower.
“Looks like someone played with a tigress,” she grinned. It took me a second to realize what they were talking about.
“Yeah,” I said, thinking as quickly as I could. “I met a girl a couple of nights ago. She was wild.”
“She must have been.” Sojun laughed.
“You’d better get going,” I prompted. “Mom will be up soon.”
“Right!” he said.
“I’m right behind you,” Juhyeon said when Sojun looked at her impatiently. He nodded and left. I moved to leave and take my shower, but she stopped me by placing a hand on my shoulder.
“What?” I asked. She was looking at me oddly.
“Those scratches are new,” she said. “There’s no way they happened before last night.”
“No...” I began, but she covered my mouth with her hand briefly to silence my protests.
“Maybe I was wrong,” she smiled sexily. “Maybe you can handle my sister.”
“You’re older sister?” I asked. She nodded, getting very close.
“You must be wilder than Sojun describes,” she said. Juhyeon was so close that if I moved at all our bodies would touch. “Because those scratches are new and I’m the only girl not related to you in the house.”
“That’s- I...” I began, but she covered my mouth with her hand again.
“I know,” she smiled, her eyes burning into mine. “But that doesn’t mean I’m wrong. It also doesn’t mean that it doesn’t get to me… on a purely sexual level.”
I wasn’t sure how to answer that. It didn’t matter. Juhyeon removed her hand from my mouth and barely brushed her lips against mine before turning and moving toward the door.
“I’m looking forward to introducing you to my sister,” she said as she left the room. “It’s been a while since she and I double dated.”
I swallowed hard. It was such an innocent statement, but I thought there was more to it. She didn’t seem shocked at all by her discovery that I had an incestuous affair, only enticed.
“I’m sure it will be some double date,” I mumbled to myself, and then thought, ‘I think it’s time Sojun and I had a talk. I want to make sure he knows what Juhyeon is hinting at before I meet her sister.’
The shower felt good. My back stung as the water hit the scratches and I let myself dwell on how I got them for the first time since waking up. If nothing else, they were proof that the night before wasn’t a dream.
“Wow!” I said, shaking my head as the truth tried to sink it.
The whole situation from the night before was impossible, but it had happened. I knew that, and now I’d have to deal with the repercussions. I finished my shower, dried and got dressed. I even took the time to brush my teeth and dry my hair. I almost felt human again by the time I left the bathroom.
I could hear voices being raised downstairs. Mom was obviously awake and it sounded like Minjeong and her were going at it.
When I went to downstair, it was just Mom and Minjeong, and the others were nowhere to be found.
“Let me make you some breakfast before I’m leave,” Mom said, but poor Minjeong looked totally confused.
“What’s up with mom?” Minjeong frowned.
“Ease up on her,” I said softly. “Mom quit her job last night.”
“She what?” Minjeong cried, but then added, “Let me guess. It was her boss, he hit on her, didn’t he?”
“You knew about him?” I asked in surprise.
“No, but I guessed,” Minjeong sighed. “He had jerk written all over him. I’d better go in and make sure she’s alright.”
“Okay, but don’t push her,” I said. “She’ll tell you about it when she’s ready.”
“Minho, mom’s not the only one acting weird today,” Minjeong said, but then thankfully left the room before I could think of how to respond.
I moved on to the guest bedroom and clean it while he was in the shower. It didn’t take long and I had plenty to think about.
“Breakfast!” I heard Minjeong call up the stairs.
The meal ended up being surprisingly good. Mom seemed to be relaxing and I made sure not to do or saying anything to upset her. We were all laughing at one point when the phone rang. Mom picked it up.
-
“This is still my house and I don’t want it becoming party central or where you and Minho have your booty calls.”
“Booty call?” Minjoeng asked in surprise. “Where in the world did you hear that?”
“I’m old, not dead!” mom sighed.
“Who are you and what have you done with my mother?” Minjeong asked.
“Very funny,” mom sighed, glancing my way briefly. I’d intentionally remained quiet. “I guess last night opened my eyes up to a lot of things. It wasn’t just your party and sleep over.”
“I know,” Minjeong said. “Minho told me.”
“Heard what?” mom asked, clearly stunned. I knew what she was thinking.
“Sorry,” I said quickly. “I guess I should have let you tell Minjeong that you quit your job.”
“My job?” mom said, shaking her head. “Ah right.”
“Are you okay?” Minjeong asked.
“I will be,” mom answered honestly. “It’s just a lot to take in all at once.”
“Don’t worry mom,” Minjeong said. “Minho and I will help.”
“We’ll be fine,” mom smiled. “I’ve got enough saved before I’ll have another job.”
“I still think you should sue him,” I grumbled. “Or better yet, let me pay him a visit.”
“No.” mom snapped. “I can take of him myself.”
We changed the subject and went back to finishing breakfast.
-
“I’m wiped,” I sighed.
“I guess that means I can’t convince you to help me clean?” Minjeong asked.
“You clean? That’ll never happen. Do you even know how to wash a dish?” I joked.
“Very funny,” Minjeong said. “You jerk.”
Minjeong really wasn’t much of a cleaner. She could do it when she put her mind to it, but that wasn’t very often. I wasn’t much better, but I’d been known to throw a load of laundry on every so often. I even vacuumed upon rare occasions.
“You aren’t serious, are you?” I asked.
“Yes I am,” she replied. “Mom had a tough day.” I frowned and nodded. I was very tired, but she was right. On the other hand, cleaning could wait a little while.
“How about we take a nap first?” I asked. “Mom will be out for a while.”
“Hmm,” Minjeong said thoughtfully. “That does sound good, but I need a shower first.”
“Enjoy,” I shrugged. “Bed time for me.”
Minjeong was first to the stairs. She climbed them and it actually took me a moment to realize I was staring at her ass.
‘Pervert!’ I snapped to myself, but then I shrugged. After what happened with mom, did it really matter? I took a few moments to think about my sister and her appearance. ‘Shit, Minjeong’s pretty hot!’
It wasn’t that I didn’t know what she looked like or that I thought she wasn’t attractive before, but I’d never truly looked at her as a girl. No, that’s not right. I’d never looked at her in a sexual way, and I was now. Fuck.
Minjeong had mom’s blond hair and was built athletically. Her ass was small, but rounded nicely from all the sports she played in high school and college. She was a gym teacher and it showed. Her breasts weren’t nearly as big as moms, but they were still pretty amazing on her tight body.
“What?” Minjeong asked when we reached the top of the stairs. She obviously noticed the attention I was giving her.
“You know,” I said, breaking one of the unspoken rules between us. “You could do a lot better than Changho.” I saw her start to swell up angrily, but then she stopped and sighed, letting out a breath.
“You’re right,” she said, surprising me. “It’s too bad really. He’s handsome and smart.”
“Pretty packaging doesn’t make a good guy,” I said. “And neither does brains. And what’s with the total lack of a sense of humor?”
“Okay little brother, ease off,” she said pointedly. I raised my hands with palm toward her in surrender. Minjeong rolled her eyes and laughed.
I’d learned long ago not to comment on her boyfriends. The fact that she hadn’t jumped all over me when I offered up my opinion about Changho said a lot about how close she was to dumping him already.
“See you in a couple of hours,” I said, entering my room. The clean sheets felt wonderful and I was out almost instantly.
-
I woke up slowly. It took me a few minutes to realize I wasn’t alone in my room. Minjeong had pulled my desk chair out and was sitting in it, facing me. She looked like she’d been there for a while. I looked at her and rubbed my face as I fought to wake up. Whatever was bothering her was bad.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, sitting up.
“I couldn’t go to sleep after my shower,” she said. “I was thinking about how to break up with Changho.”
“I’m sorry,” I offered. She shrugged it off and continued.
“So, I decided to start cleaning,” she said. “I couldn’t vacuum with you sleeping so I did laundry instead.”
“Sounds reasonable,” I shrugged, fighting to get my mind fully functioning and wondering where she was going with this conversation.
“There were plenty of sheets to clean, so I started there,” she added, looking at me meaningfully. I still wasn’t processing well enough to follow her yet.
“Okay,” I offered. Minjeong frowned and shook her head before continuing.
“Can you imagine my surprise when I found four sets of dirty sheets instead of just three?” she asked. “Mom typically does laundry on Tuesdays. I was wondering why she stripped her bed this morning.”
‘Shit,’ I thought, finally catching on. ‘Oh shit!’
“So I opened them to see if she dropped something on them that might need special attention,” Minjeong continued. “They were a mess, but not really that much different than any of the other sheets. They were damp and cum stained.”
“Really?” I finally got out, my mind whirling. “I guess it’s true. Even moms need to take care of themselves.”
“Minho, there were fluids from both a woman and a man,” she said angrily. “What happened last night?”
I was tempted to deny everything and play stupid, but Minjeong wouldn’t fall for it, not after she saw my expression when she mentioned what she found. I’m sure I looked guilty as hell and Minjeong could usually read me better than anyone else other than mom.
I was also tempted to tell her that I took care of myself before mom came home and that she must have followed suit afterward, but one look into Minjeong’s eyes and I knew it was pointless, so instead, I told her the truth. It didn’t take very long.
“I can’t believe it,” Minjeong said, shaking her head.
“Honestly, me neither,” I sighed. “It’s not like I planned it.”
“But you didn’t stop it either,” Minjeong said pointedly.
“I was drunk!” I shrugged. “So was she and the truth is that we both needed it.”
“So, last night was the first time?” Minjeong asked.
“Yes,” I answered. We fell silent for what felt like minutes. I had no idea what to say and Minjeong was obviously trying to accept what she learned.
“Did you both enjoy it?” she asked, surprising me.
“I guess,” I answered uncomfortably.
“You guess?” she asked. “That’s it?”
“Okay, fine,” I sighed. “Yes, we both enjoyed it. Hell, it was the best sex I ever had, does that make you feel better?”
“It makes me feel left out,” Minjeong said glumly.
“It’s not like you weren’t busy with Changho,” I said.
“That’s not what I mean and you know it,” she replied. “Ever since dad died it’s been the three of us together. Now I feel like I’m on my own.”
“Why?” I frowned. “Because mom and I accidentally ended up in the same bed and let our passions get the better of us?”
“Yes,” she shrugged. I knew it was an honest answer even if I didn’t understand it.
“I’m willing to cuddle with you if that will help?” I joked badly.
“If I thought it would help, I might take you up on it,” she sighed. “But I don’t. Besides, I’m not ready for that.”
“Minjeong, you know mom and I love you.” I said.
“Yes,” she smiled, but her eyes were sad. She stood and added, “I think it’s time for a nap of my own.”
I watched her leave the room and shook my head. What could I do to make Minjeong happy? I didn’t want to see her this upset.
‘I’d better let her sleep and see how she feels when it sinks in,’ I thought. ‘Hell, it’s barely sunk in with me.’
Minjeong slept a long time. I let her. I was just thinking about waking her when mom came home. She didn’t look happy.
“My brother can be so...” she began angrily, but I cut her off.
“We have bigger problems,” I interjected. “Minjeong knows.”
“Knows what?” she asked.
“She decided to do the sheets while you were out and I was sleeping,” I said. “She found the ones to your bed.” Mom shook her head almost numbly and sank down on the couch.
“She’s twenty-three and never done a chore without me nagging and today she decides to help?” she said, obviously stunned.
I got up and went to her wine rack. It was the only alcohol left in the house because we made it off limits the night before. I poured us both a glass and handed one to her as I sat down on the couch next to her.
“How did she react?” she asked after downing half her glass.
“Oddly,” I frowned. “She wasn’t so much mad or disgusted as hurt. She feels left out. She thinks we now have something special that she’s not part of.”
“That’s bad,” mom frowned.
“I’m sorry mom,” I sighed. “This is all my fault.”
“Not all,” she said, shaking her head. “If I really wanted you to stop last night, I could have made you, but it just felt so good.”
“Yes, it did.” I said, sipping mine.
We sat there for a while. We didn’t say much, but we did finish the bottle of wine quickly enough. Minjeong came down from her nap as I was opened the second bottle. I saw her frown, but she took the glass I handed her. The three of us looked at each other in silence for a few moments.
“I know it’s been a while,” mom suddenly smiled as a thought came to her. “But I think it’s time for movie night.”
“Movie night?” Minjeong asked in surprise. “Aren’t we a little old for that?”
“That’s a great idea,” I said quickly. “You’re never too old for a movie night.”
Every once in a while, when we were kids, mom used to set up trays in her bedroom. We’d eat and watch television, something she never let us do normally. Afterward, we’d settle onto her bed and watch a movie. Mom always let us stay up late and eat plenty of popcorn and candy. It was just the bonding experience Minjeong needed now.
“Minjeong, you can choose the movie,” mom said. “I’ll order from your favourite restaurant.”
“But...” Minjeong began. It was too late. Mom was already in the kitchen picking up the phone.
“What’s gotten into her?” Minjeong asked.
“I told her what you figured out,” I replied. “She wants you to know that she loves you.”
“You told her?” Minjeong cried.
“I had to,” I shrugged. “Your reaction before was bad.”
“I was tired and hung over!” Minjeong snapped, but I knew there was more to it.
“Just humour mom and go with it. She’s really worried about you,” I sighed, and then added more softly. “So am I.”
“I’m fine,” Minjeong said, a little too quickly.
“Good,” I said. “Then a movie will be fun.”
“I really should go find Changho and break it off,” Minjeong frowned.
“Give him one more night,” I said. “I never liked the guy much, but even he deserves one more night of believing he’s dating one of the hottest girl’s alive.”
“Very funny,” Minjeong sighed.
“Who’s joking?” I replied, but then hit her with a couch pillow before she could respond. It was a short, vicious fight and although I typically won, just this once I let her.
“Will you two cut it out?” mom snapped from the doorway, but she wasn’t really angry. How could she be? Both Minjeong and I were laughing.
“How long until the food is ready?” I asked.
“You have just enough time to put on your shoes and go pick it up,” mom grinned.
“I walked into that one,” I laughed.
“I think I’d better go,” Minjeong sighed. “You two have been drinking.” I started to argue, but mom cut me off when she realized Minjeong was right.
“We’ll have everything ready when you get back,” mom said. I nodded in agreement.
There wasn’t that much to do, but we busied ourselves with getting mom’s room ready. We also continued to drink the wine, only slower now. When the second bottle was gone, we both agreed to hold off on any more until after we ate. We were well on our way to being drunk.
“Minho, stop that.” mom snapped. She was standing at the counter getting the popcorn maker ready for later.
“What?” I asked.
“You’re staring at my ass!”
“I am?” I laughed, walking up behind her. She turned and faced me quickly.
“Don’t you dare…” she says. “Hasn’t what happened already caused enough trouble?”
“Yes,” I sighed. “But you know the old adage. You can’t go back. We have to move on.”
“Agreed,” she said. “And moving on entails never making the same mistake again.”
“That’s not what I meant,” I said. “What happened was wrong, but I wouldn’t exactly call it a mistake.”
“Minho, you can’t be serious?”
“Oh, I am,” I said. “I really liked what happened. So did you.”
“I did not…” mom cried, but we both knew she was lying. “Okay, I was drunk and in need and you took care of it admirable, but it’s wrong.”
“And that makes it even hotter.” I groaned, pulling her into a kiss. she returned the kiss despite her protests, but when it was done she pushed me back with both hands.
“No…” she said. “Tonight is about Minjeong. We hurt her and that’s unacceptable.”
“You’re right,” I said, but then pulled her again. “But Minjeong isn’t here right now and just looking at you is driving me crazy.”
“Minho!” she cried. She spun away from me, but I had her trapped against the counter. I thrust my hard-on against her ass to let her know just how much she was getting to me. “We can’t… There’s no time…”
“I don’t know about that,” I grinned, lifting her skirt up past her ass and pushing her panties down. I was wearing sweats and they dropped past my cock easily enough. She was try to fight, but she thrust out her ass giving me access to what we both wanted. She moaned when I pushed my cock inside her pussy.
“Oh Minho…” she moaned. “What am I going to do with you?”
“I don’t know,” I grinned. “But I do know what you’re going to do for me.”
“There’s no time!” she moaned.
“Then hurry,” I groaned in reply, picking up the pace.
She was leaning over the counter as I fuck her hard. I was just starting to feel my orgasm approaching when I heard the front door open.
“Fuck.” I cried, pulling out quickly.
“No…” she moaned in frustration. “I was so close!”
“Sorry,” I said, meaning it. God, did I mean it?
“Just go stop your sister from coming in here.” she snapped. “If she walks in right now, she’ll know what we were just doing and that wouldn’t be good.”
“Agreed,” I said, pulling my sweats back up. I also pulled my shirt down and let it cover my front. It was the best I could do.
“Mom went crazy,” Minjeong said when she saw me. “There’s more food than we could eat in a week.”
“She’s really looking forward to this,” I said. “Let’s go set the food out upstairs. She’ll join us in a minute.” Minjeong must have sensed something because she looked at me funny. I guess it made sense. Only a few moments before I was stroking in and out of mom. That wasn’t something that was easy to hide, especially considering I had to stop abruptly just before my release.
I tried to focus on looking as innocent as possible, but I wasn’t sure I fooled Minjeong. On the other hands she didn’t say anything as we brought the food upstairs.
It was weird to be back in moms’ room after the night before. Scenes of what happened flashed in my head and they didn’t nothing to help calm down my already surging libido. I went to the bathroom and threw some cold water on my face after the food was set out. It helped.
The meal was delicious and we laughed and watched television during it. It was like old times except for the fact that my eyes lingered on mom overly long upon occasion. She would frown when she noticed until I looked away. I think Minjeong might have noticed once, but she just shook her head and took a sip of her wine.
The movie Minjeong picked was decent for a chick flick. We were all slightly drunk by the time it ended. We’d done a good job of denting mom’s wine collection, but the food balanced it.
“Another movie?” mom asked.
“Sure, why not?” Minjeong smiled. Mom and I exchanged a smile of our own. Minjeong seemed okay.
“Can I choose?” I asked.
“Please…” mom snorted. “I don’t want to watch something gory right now. The food is just settling in.”
“And porn is out too,” Minjeong joked.
“Hey, don’t knock it until you try it,” I teased back.
“And what makes you think I’ve never tried it?” Minjeong asked. She was clearly feeling no pain.
“Minjeong!” mom cried.
“Come on mom,” Minjeong grinned. “Are you telling me you never watched porn?”
“I haven’t,” mom shrugged.
“Wow,” Minjeong laughed. She was obviously drunker than I thought. “I would think in this day and age everyone’s seen porn, or at least a clip. I mean the internet makes it all so available.”
“Not me,” mom shrugged. “I worked with computers all day. Why would I want to be on one at night?”
“Mom, you really need to get a life,” Minjeong sighed.
“That’s a little harsh, isn’t it?” I asked in surprise.
“Oh please…” Minjeong said, rolling her eyes. “If mom had one, maybe she wouldn’t have had sex with you last night and ruined everything.”
“That’s not fair!” I said. Mom put her hand on my arm.
“Maybe Minjeong is right,” she said calmly, but her eyes were welling up with tears.
“Oh shit!” Minjeong sigh when she realized what she’d said and how badly mom was taking it. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to say it like that.”
“I know dear,” mom sighed. “But that doesn’t make you wrong. I don’t know why I let Minho do what he did.”
“You didn’t let me,” I said. “I didn’t give you a choice.”
“Oh Minho…” mom sighed. “Like I said earlier, you couldn’t...”
I didn’t give her a chance to finish. I grabbed her and kissed her. Mom was so surprised that she didn’t fight at first, but it wasn’t long before we were wresting on the bed. I rolled on top of her and pinned her under me before kissing her again.
“Wow.” Minjeong sigh, reminding me she was there.
“And that’s what happened last night,” I said, moving off with some difficulty. “She couldn’t have stopped me if she wanted to.”
“But I didn’t want to,” mom said, sitting up and wiping her lips. “And that’s really the point.”
“This is a lot more than just incest,” Minjeong said, shaking her head. “You two are seriously perverted!”
“And you’re not?” I asked. “I heard your bed last night. It was slamming into the wall pretty hard.”
“He’s my boyfriend! that doesn’t make me perverted!” Minjeong groaned.
“But you can’t say that you didn’t like what you just saw. I can see it in your eyes.” Mom said.
“So?”
“So, if you weren’t perverted you would have been disgusted,” mom replied. “Instead, you got excited.”
“I’m both,” Minjeong said.
“Maybe, but you’re a lot more of the second,” I grinned.
“I’m drunk,” Minjeong said again.
“We all are,” I shrugged. “What does that have to do with it?”
“It’s the alcohol making the sight of you two kissing turn me,” Minjeong said.
“I doubt it works that way,” I said.
“Drinking lowers your inhibitions,” mom put in. “It doesn’t make you like something you don’t.”
“Fine!” Minjeong snapped. “I’m just as perverted as you two! Does that make everything alright?” She ran out of the room before either one of us could answer.
“Wow,” I said, shaking my head. “How did we get here?”
“I think we both know the answer to that,” mom frowned. “What we did was a mistake. I knew it then, but I didn’t realize how badly Minjeong was going to take it.”
“Me neither,” I frowned. “What do we do?”
“I don’t know,” mom said, and for some reason that shook me. Mom always knew what to do.
“I think we need to sleep on it and see how she’s feeling in the morning,” I finally said. Mom nodded.
“You need to sleep in your own bed tonight,” she said.
“Agreed,” I sighed, standing and going to my room without kissing her goodnight, but only because I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to stop despite what was going on with Minjeong. I loved her and didn’t want to make her upset.
I lay in bed for quite a while, unable to fall asleep. My mind vacillated between my desire for mom and my concern for Minjeong. Hell, there was a part of it that even wondered what being with Minjeong would be like.
‘Pervert!’ I grumbled, but that only made it worse.
I closed my eyes and tried to wipe all the thoughts from my head. I pictured a white room with no corners. It was my version of counting sheep. It started to work.
“Minho?” I heard from the doorway to my room. It was Minjeong’s voice. “You still awake?”
“Yes,” I answered.
“I’m sorry about before,”
“Me too,” I sighed. “I know mom feels bad too.” Minjeong came into my room and sat on the edge of my bed.
“You know what all this goes to show?” she asked.
“What?”
“That I should never do laundry ever again,” she replied. “I would never have found out if I didn’t.” It was a weak attempt at humour, but it was an attempt nonetheless.
“The man you marry better be rich,” I teased. “He’ll need to hire a cook; a maid and god knows what else.”
“Ha Ha, Very funny.”
“Hey, the truth hurts,” I laughed.
“Jerk!” she snapped, but she was laughing too. It lasted far too long, but she obviously needed it.
“Minho, I want to go back to mom’s room,” she said afterward. “Will you come with me?”
“Of course,” I said. “But what for?”
“We always end a movie night by falling asleep together,” Minjeong said softly. “I miss that.”
“Well let’s go,” I smiled, getting out of bed and taking Minjeong by the hand. We went down the hall and knocked on mom’s door. The light was still on so I knew she was awake, but she took a few moments to answer the door.
“Come in.” she finally called.
I opened the door and led Minjeong in. I took one look at mom and saw that she’d been crying. Damn Minjeong noticed too, but didn’t say anything.
“Yes?” mom asked.
“Move over,” Minjeong smiled and climbed into mom’s bed. I moved to the other side and got in as well. Minjeong was already resting her head on mom’s shoulder. “Sorry mom.”
“No, I’m sorry,” mom replied.
“We’ll talk tomorrow,” I put said. “After a good night’s sleep.”
“Sounds good,” Minjeong said, reaching out the nightstand and shutting the light. “Good night.”
“Night,” mom said.
“Sweet dreams,” I put in. I knew I was going to have some. I was in bed with my her again and it was dark. I was sorely tempted to touch her, but I knew it would be a mistake. The thought of Minjeong being in bed with us didn’t help at all.
I’m not sure who fell asleep first, but I know I was last.
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“Wow…” I heard as I slowly woke up. It was Minjeong’s voice again. “Is he always like that in the morning?”
“How should I know?” mom asked in reply.
“But you’ve seen it before,” Minjeong said, her voice a little excited. I was awake now, but I didn’t open my eyes. I had a feeling I knew what they were talking about. I could feel my hardness even with my eyes closed.
“Yes,” Mom replied nervously.
“You’ve felt it inside of you?” Minjeong asked. She knew the answer, but I guess she wanted mom to say it.
“Minjeong!” mom cried in surprise, but then slowly added, “Yes.”
“Did it feel good?”
“Yes,” mom admitted. “Very good.”
“He’s big, isn’t he?” Minjeong asked. “I mean, I know he’s bigger than Changho, but he’s big in general, right?”
“Minjeong, I have a feeling that you probably have as much experience with men as I do,” mom answered. “But I’d say yes. He’s big. He’s certainly bigger than your father.”
“Who would have thought it of my younger brother?”
“Maybe we should cover it up” mom said.
“No, leave it. I like looking at it.”
“But he’s your brother!”
“And your son,” Minjeong said pointedly. That quickly quelled mom’s protests. “I still can’t believe that you both really did it.”
“You and me both,” mom sighed.
“Do you regret it?” Minjeong asked. “I mean really regret it, not just feel guilty about it because it’s wrong.”
“I regret how it’s affected you,” mom replied. “Neither one of us wanted to hurt you.”
“I know that,” Minjeong sighed. “It’s just that it’s been the three of us for so long. I didn’t realize just how much the thought of you two excluding me from something would hurt.”
“Minjeong, you weren’t excluded,” mom said. “At least not intentionally.”
“But that’s how I feel,” she replied, sounding sad.
“So, you’d feel better if we’d included you in our perverted, incestuous affair?” mom asked in disbelief.
“I honestly don’t know,” Minjeong replied. “But maybe…”
“You’re serious?”
“It would be wrong, but I wouldn’t feel so alone like I do right now,”
“Oh Minjeong,” mom said. “Don’t cry. You know I love you with all my heart.”
“I do,” Minjeong said, obviously fighting back the tears. I felt guilty making believe I was sleeping through this, but ‘waking up’ right at this moment would only make things worse.
“Are you going to be okay?” mom asked after a while.
“I’ll be fine,” Minjeong replied slowly. “But only if you do me a favor.”
“What?” mom asked.
“I want you to kiss me,” my sister said. “Like you kissed him last night.”
“But you’re my daughter!”
“And he’s your son,” Minjeong replied. “That didn’t stop you.”
“I didn’t kiss him.” mom cried. “He kissed me.”
“True,” Minjeong said, and suddenly I could feel the bed move.
“What are you doing?” I heard mom cry. “Don’t!”
“I want to kiss you,” Minjeong said. “Don’t you love me the same you do Minho?”
“Of course, but you’re a girl.” mom argued.
“So?” Minjeong asked. “Haven’t you ever kissed a girl before?”
“No!” mom cried.
“Well, I have,” Minjeong replied.
“On God!” mom cried.
“It was a long time ago when I first started dating,” Minjeong said. “Chaewon and I practiced kissing each other.”
“Your cousin?” mom cried.
“Oh relax,” Minjeong sighed. “All we did was kiss. It’s no big deal.”
“Did you like it?” mom surprised me by asking.
“Honestly… yes,” Minjeong replied. “It was the best kiss I had for a long time, but I think that was mostly because it was also the most relaxed. Eventually I met some guys who kisses drove me far crazy.”
“Like your brother’s,” Mom said, sounding thoughtful.
“I don’t know,” Minjeong said. “I’ve never kissed him.”
“Why don’t we wake him and you can see?” mom offered.
‘Oh yes, please’ I thought to myself.
“Mom, I want to kiss you first,” Minjeong said.
“I can’t.” mom moaned. “I just can’t do it!”
“Then you do love Minho more than you do me” Minjeong said, obviously close to tears again.
“You’re wrong.” mom cried, sounding teary-eyed herself. It was time to wake up. This was only moments away from disintegrating into something very bad.
“Minjeong,” I said as I opened my eyes and sat up. “Weren’t you paying attention last night? Or just a few minutes ago when mom tried to tell you her problem with kissing you?”
“You’re awake!” mom cried.
“Of course,” I smiled.
“I don’t understand,” Minjeong frowned.
“She just told you that she didn’t kiss me,” I explained. “Mom thinks of herself as a good girl. She doesn’t do things like incest and lesbianism.” I laugh.
“But...” Minjeong began. I cut her off.
“She’s never going to kiss you,” I interjected. “But that doesn’t mean she’ll stop you from kissing her.”
“She just did,” my sister cried. “I tried, but she pushed me back.”
“Try harder,” I grinned.
“Hey, Wait a minute…” mom cried, but I silenced her by grabbing her by the neck and pulling her lips to mine. Mom fought at first, but then moaned softly into my mouth.
“See?” I said, pulling back. Minjeong was smiling once again.
“I get it,” she grinned.
“Don’t!” mom cried, but she licked her lips in excitement. “Good girls don’t kiss their mothers!”
“And whatever gave you the idea that I’m a good girl?” Minjeong laughed, taking mom’s head in both hands and kissing her. Again, mom fought, but only for a few moments. Minjeong moaned happily when mom’s mouth opened.
“That looks hot” I groaned.
“Don’t worry brother,” Minjeong grinned. “I have a kiss waiting for you too.”
“Just a kiss?” I asked.
“You’re terrible!” Minjeong laughed, shaking her head before leaning toward me. Her lips were only inches from mine when she stopped. “I shouldn’t. You’re my brother.”
I grabbed Minjeong’s the neck the same way I had grabbed mom’s moments before. I pulled her to me and our lips met. She didn’t fight me like mom, but it was obvious that she wanted me to be aggressive.
“That’s so wrong,” mom moaned excitedly.
“Oh, but he kisses so nicely.” Minjeong moaned.
“It’s not the only thing I do nicely,” I grinned.
“Don’t you dare.” mom cried.
“Think you’re man enough, little brother?” Minjeong asked, her eyes starting to burn with the same lust I could see in mom’s eyes. I was certain it was in mine as well. I took off the few clothes I had on. Minjeong did the same.
“Minjeong don’t… He’s your brother!”
“And you’re my mother,” Minjeong replied. “I wish I was a little braver because then I would try doing something more with you.”
“Oh shit.” I moaned, my cock standing straight out by now. “Now that’s hot.”
“You do like the thought, don’t you little brother?” Minjeong grinned, taking my cock in her hand and stroking it. “Or should I call you big brother?”
“You can call me whatever you want,” I groaned. “Just don’t stop what you’re doing.”
“How about we let mom help?” Minjeong asked. “I don’t want her to feel left out.”
“No.” mom sigh, but everything else about her demanded to be part of what was happening.
Minjeong forced mom’s head down to my lap. Mom fell on my cock despite her protests. Minjeong watched hungrily for a few minutes. Mom’s hair was in the way, so she pulled it into a ponytail and lifted it.
“What’s that?” Minjeong frowned, looking down at mom’s neck. The hickey I left was very noticeable.
“Mom said that we could only be together for one night,” I answered, remembering. “I disagreed and left that mark. I told her she was mine until it faded.”
“Do you always mark what’s yours?” Minjeong asked, smiling sexily. She was obviously enjoying teasing me.
“Yes.” I groaned. “Now why don’t you help mom?”
“Oh?” Minjeong grinned sexily before moving down between my legs as well. She pushed mom’s mouth off of me and started licking my cock. Mom shifted down to my balls and sucked gently.
“Oh fuck.” I grunted. “I’m not going to last long with both of you doing that.”
I had one hand on each of their heads and I couldn’t stop myself from thrusting up into Minjeong’s mouth. She locked eyes with me briefly and then took my entire length down her throat. I groaned and came. Minjeong drank it all down.
“We have to stop.” mom said afterward. Minjeong smiled at her and then pulled mom’s lips to hers and exchanged a deep kiss. It actually took me a few moments to realize they were sharing my cum.
“Damn.” I groaned, actually feeling my cock start to stiffen despite the orgasm I had moments ago.
“Little brother,” Minjeong said, pulling back from mom after a while and wiping her lips. She looked at me and I smiled knowingly. “Will you help me?”
In moments I was on top of her with my cock rubbing up and down her entrance. Minjeong took it in her hand and directed to her pussy. I pushed in slowly.
“Oh brother… yesss!” Minjeong cried. “You’re going so deep!”
“Minho no!” mom cried. “She’s your sister!”
I pulled mom to me and kissed her roughly. She gasped into my mouth. I reached out and palmed her pussy, thrusting the middle fingers deep.
“Don’t worry mom,” I said. “You’re next.”
“No…” she cried, but then shifted so that her mouth was next to my ear. She whispered one word and pulled away. “Hurry…” It surprised me and my cock stiffened even more.
“I’ve never felt so full before!” Minjeong gasped. I leaned forward and kissed her as I began stroking in and out of her hot pussy. Her pussy was perfect, it was tight! Minjeong wrapped her arms around my shoulder as I thrust into her.
“He’s your brother. You’re letting your brother fuck you!” mom cried.
“Oh yeah…” Minjeong moaned. “Keep talking mom. It’s only getting me hornier!” I saw mom smiled slightly.
“It’s so wrong.” mom cried. “I don’t care how good his big cock feeling pushing inside of you.”
“Ohhh It does… It does feel so good!” Minjeong moaned. “Minho’s cock is reaching deeper than any other guy ever has before! I can feel my orgasm building.”
“Wait until it hits,” mom said, looking at me hungrily and forgetting herself for a moment. “Minho knows how to make your body feel like it’s exploding.”
“Nghhyesss!” Minjeong cried.
“But that doesn’t mean you should let him do this,” mom added, staring at her expression once more. Minjeong’s face was completely lit with her lust. “Don’t let him fill your pussy with his cum!”
“Oh yess!” Minjeong moaned. “Fill my pussy! Please!”
“You are such a slut.” I groaned, kissing her roughly.
“Minjeong, you see?” mom asked. “Now your brother thinks you’re a slut, is that what you want?”
“I want him to cum in me!” “Minjeong gasped. “I don’t care if he thinks I’m a slut. I’ll be his slut if he just cum in me!”
“So you want to be his slut?” mom asked rhetorically, but she then surprised me by turning to me and added, “If that’s what she wants then you’re doing it wrong.”
“What?” I asked in confusion.
“Sluts get taken from behind,” mom smiled. “You know that.”
“Oh yes!” Minjeong moaned. “He’ll get even deeper than way!”
I pulled out without another word. Minjeong kissed me briefly before rolling onto her stomach. Her tight ass was same as mom’s, just as enticing. her pussy was open and inviting. My mouth literally watered.
“Wait… what are you doing?” Minjeong asked as instead of going back to fucking her I shifted lower and thrust my tongue into her pussy.
“That’s it,” mom cried. “Lick the little slut’s pussy!”
“Mom!” Minjeong cried.
“You said you wanted to be his slut, now deal with it!”
“Ohhh….” Minjeong cried. “You’re going to pay for that later!” Mom smiled again.
I continued to lick her pussy until she was on the brink of orgasm. She arched her back and gave me full access.
“Minho’s little slut, do you want to cum this way or do you want him to fuck you again?” mom asked Minjeong.
“Fuck me please!” Minjeong moaned. I shifted up and thrust my cock deep with one long stoke.
“Wow.” mom gasped.
“Ohhfuckkk!” Minjeong cried. “I’m going to cum…”
I was close, but not there. I fuck Minjeong through her orgasm. She shivered and shook for quite some time. The sight was something I’d remember forever.
“Stop!” Minjeong cried. “I can’t take anymore.”
I pulled out slowly and she sighed. I turned toward mom and she bit her lip. She saw my expression and saw the look in my eye. She looked frightened despite her excitement.
“Now,” she started. “Leave me alone, you’ve already had Minjeong.”
“Come here.” I demanded.
“No!” she cried and tried to get off the bed. I grabbed her and pulled her back on. Mom rolled onto her stomach, but her hips were raised high and I could see her excitement in her swollen lips and pink gasp. My tongue was drenched in her juices a moment later.
“Wow?” Minjeong said, shaking her head. “Mom, you’re a bigger slut than I am.”
“I am not!” mom cried and tried to get away. I’d barely tasted her, but she was ready. I forced my mother back onto the bed and pushed into her from behind. The sound of her ass made when my hips slapped into it was louder, more enticing.
“Mom, be ready for the ride of your life.” Minjeong said, shaking her head.
“I am…” mom gasped.
“So, you want me to do this?” I teased.
“No…” mom cried right away. “Get off me!”
“You first!” I grunted.
“Very funny,” Minjeong said, rolling her eyes at my bad joke. I could care less. I’d just fucked her and now it was mom turn.
“Minho, this is so wrong!” mom cried as she met my thrusts.
“It really is,” Minjeong said, smiling. “But you love every second of it and you know it! You love how his cock feels stroking in and out of you. You love the thought of him cumming deep inside you!”
“No!” mom cried, but then she locked up in orgasm. She shivered and shook under me for a long time.
“We can’t keep doing that,” mom sighed as she came down from her orgasm.
“Sure you can,” Minjeong grinned. “After all, he marked you as his that first night. I can still see the bruise.”
“Only until it fades,” mom shrugged. “Nothing lasts forever.”
“True,” Minjeong said, standing up. “And I don’t think it’s fair that he marked you as just his. I like to think of you as mine also.”
“I’m willing to share mom with you,” I said, standing as well. “I’m willing to share all the incestuous sluts in my life.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Minjeong asked. I pulled her toward me and kissed her. Minjeong responded with just as much passion.
“That I want you to be my slut too,” I growled.
“I’m not marked,” she shrugs.
I shifted her around until I was behind her. I had one hand around her breast, pulling her back into me. My cock was lodged between her ass cheeks. I used the other hand to lift her hair off her neck. Minjeong’s head fell forward and I sucked on her neck.
“Yes…” she gasped. “Make me yours.”
I left a hickey on the back of her neck, just like mom’s. I also shoved her against the nearest wall and started fucking her again. Minjeong moaned with every thrust.
“Cum in me please…” she cried when her next orgasm was about to take her.
“Yess…” I growled and flooded her pussy with my cum.
“Ohh…” Minjeong cried as her orgasm exploded. “It feels so… good!” We both ended up against the wall panting and trying to hold ourselves up.
“You two better sit down before you fall,” mom said. She was watching us from the bed. I was pretty sure she’d been playing with herself as well, but she stopped after we came. I helped Minjeong to mom’s bed. We both all but fell in it.
“Mom,” Minjeong said. “Kiss me please. I want you to be part of how I feel.”
“Of course,” mom said.
“You know,” I said. “You two could do more than just kiss.”
“We’re not lesbians!” mom said.
“Mom,” I smiled. “Lesbian or not, you love her, it’s just a kiss.” I said.
“Or at least let me take it,” Minjeong smiled.
“Possibly,” mom admitted with a slow smile of her own.
“And one day I might,” Minjeong said, surprising us both. “But not today. I’m not ready.”
“No rush,” I smiled. “Why don’t we just spend the day in bed?”
“No,” mom said, sounding serious. “I have some stuff to get done.”
“And I have to talk to Changho,” Minjeong put in. “It’s bad enough you two have made me a slut, but I don’t want to be a cheating slut.”
“Oh Minjeong,” our mother said. “Must you talk like that?”
“Sorry mom,” Minjeong smiled. “I’ll hide what I am from the real world like you want me to. Besides, I’m really only my brother slut anyway.”
“What about mine?” mom asked.
“Nope,” Minjeong laughed. “You don’t want a slut. You want to be a slut.”
“I do not!” mom cried.
“Sure you do,” I put in.
“Until your mark disappears,” mom agreed.
“You know mom,” Minjeong said thoughtfully. “I think if I ever do take things further between you and me, I’ll need to mark you as mine too.”
“It only seems fair,” I grinned.
“Hey, you both know this can’t go on forever, right?” mom started.
“Sure,” I said.
“Of course,” Minjeong added.
“But that doesn’t mean we can’t have fun while it lasts,” I added.
“Agreed,” Minjeong said, exchanging a look with me. We both obviously had the same thought. “I guess I can wait a little longer to tell Changho.”
“Don’t even think about it.” mom cried. Minjeong and I both moved toward her. Mom’s eyes flashed as she tried to get away and she protested loudly when we caught her. The only thing louder was a moan a moment later.
“Looking good!” I said as Minjeong walked by my room in nothing but a towel.
“Thanks,” she smiled, pausing at the door. She was blond and beautiful.
“Are you in a rush?” I asked, trying to sound innocent.
“Yes, so don’t even think about it.” she snapped, not buying it for a moment. She knew what I wanted. I grinned and shrugged. Minjeong smiled at my reaction, shook her head and then added, “Truthfully, I wish I did have the time, but it’s my week to oversee the early morning workouts in the weight room.”
“What a life,” I teased.
“Tell me about it,” she sighed.
“Please…” I snorted. “You love your job.”
“It’s okay,” she replied.
“Come on,” I teased. “How does it feel to know that you’re every teenage boy’s fantasy?”
“What?” she asked.
“Minjeong, you teach in high school,” I explained. “Not only that, you are beautiful. You’re the hot gym teacher every boy thinks about late at night.”
“Oh joy,” Minjeong said sarcastically. “That’s a picture I could do without.” I couldn’t help it but laughed.
“You love it though.” I teased. She shook her head again and didn’t bother arguing.
“Minho, make sure to wake mom up on time,” she said, changing the subject. “She’s got her third interview today.”
“I know,” I smiled. “Did you see how nervous she was last night?”
“She has a right to be,” Minjeong replied. “This job is perfect for her.”
“She deserves it,” I smiled. “I can’t believe how quickly it’s moving.”
“It was pretty cool when she got a call from her old company’s biggest competitor the morning after she quit,” Minjeong said.
“Yeah,” I smiled. “She’ll do fine.”
“Fine?” Minjeong frowned. “She’ll do great!”
“True,” I laughed. “I just wish she didn’t have to fly across the country and spend days at their corporate office.”
“Oh, don’t worry” Minjeong smiled. “Mom will be home before you know it. Besides, I’m still here. I’ll take care of you.”
“That’s what I’m afraid of.” I laugh. “You can’t cook and your cleaning leaves something to be desired.”
“Jerk.” Minjeong laughed.
“On the other hand, there are some things you do very well,” I said, smiling slowly.
“Not if you keep being so mean to me,” Minjeong said pointedly and moved past my doorway.
I smiled contently. It was only two weeks since mom quit her job and everything changed so drastically at home. We were all happier now. I wasn’t sure it could last and mom kept bringing up the fact that it couldn’t, but right now I was enjoying myself immensely.
I heard Minjeong leave the bathroom and go into her bedroom. She was done there surprisingly fast. She was one of those morning people. Ugh!
“I’m leaving,” she said as she stopped by my doorway on the way out. “Go wake mom up.”
“What I have to do it?” I asked, far too comfortably to move.
“Mom needs something to help relieve her anxiety about the interview and you’re it.”
“Are you crazy?” I laughed. “She’ll be wired! If I try and go near her...”
“That’s the point,” she interjected. “Do what you always do and don’t give her a choice. She’ll thank you afterward.”
“You could do it,” I offered hopefully.
“No, I can’t,” Minjeong said.
I sighed, reading her expression. “I get it.”
“The thought of mom and me together must really turn you on,” Minjeong said, looking at me thoughtfully. “You bring it up all the time.”
“Hmm,” I said. “Let me think? My mother and sister in bed together. Two beautiful women driving each other crazy. You bet.”
“Pervert!” Minjeong laughed.
“Takes one to know one,” I called as she disappeared down the hall. I heard her leave a few minutes later. “I guess I should wake mom.”
The trip to her room was short. I didn’t bother putting any clothes on. I opened the door and saw mom sleeping in her bed. The sight made me smile.
Instead of shaking her awake, I climbed into bed next to her and pulled her into my arms. She didn’t wake up at first. She snuggled closer instead. I hugged her tight and then kissed her gently.
“Now that’s the way to wake up,” she moaned, returning my kiss.
“Only the beginning of it,” I replied, giving her another kiss before slipping under the covers.
“Minho, what are you doing?” she asked groggily. I ignored the question.
The answer was obvious.
She slept in the nude these days as well. We all did. Frequently we ended up together on the weekends, but most weekdays we slept in our own beds because otherwise we’d all be too exhausted the next day.
“Hey stop!” she gasped when I buried my face between her legs. “I have to get ready. I don’t have the time.”
“Sure you do,” I disagreed, running my tongue up and down the length of her pussy.
“We shouldn’t.” she moaned, spreading her legs and giving me better access.
She tasted just as amazing as always. She had plenty of time before she needed to leave for her flight and I planned on making it memorable. It wasn’t long before my tongue was working her clit just the way I knew she liked it.
“Oh…” she moaned as her orgasm neared. “You’re tongue is so…” I thrust a finger inside of her in response.
“Cum for me.” I demanded.
“Nghhnooo…” she cried, fighting the inevitable. A few moments later her orgasm took her. I licked and sucked until she was done.
She was smiling contently as I moved from under the covers to lie next to her. My lips were still damp with her juices, but she didn’t hesitate in kissing me. She was obviously ready for more despite her orgasm.
Her hand found my cock and she stroked it, not that I needed the stimulation. I was already hard. On the other hand, it did feel really good. I enjoyed what she was doing for a few moments before pulling her on top of me.
She gasps of surprise quickly turned into a moan when I took her hips in both hands and shifted her body until my cock was lined up with her pussy. She was still soaked. I pushed my cock up into her.
“Oh… this is new.” she cried, obviously enjoying the position as I held her hips steady and thrust into her a few times.
“It’s because you like to play hard to get,” I laughed. “I usually have to chase you and hold you down.” I thought she was going to pull off of me.
“You’ve corrupted me…” she whispered lustfully as she started slowly moving up and down.
“So you like having sex with me now?” I teased.
“I’ve always liked it,” she answered in that same lust filled tone. “It’s just so wrong!” I reached up and cupped her breasts.
“But that’s the part you love best, isn’t it?” I asked.
“Yes…” she admitted, squeezing down on my cock. “And that’s why I keep saying we have to stop. Minho, the last couple of weeks with you and your sister were completely wrong in so many ways, but the truth is that I’ve never been happier. I love you two with all my heart and the pleasure we share, sick and twisted as it is, is more than I could ever have hoped for, but it can’t last forever.”
“I don’t want to talk about that now,” I groaned. “Instead, why don’t you tell me how it feels to ride my cock?” She looked down at me and bit her bottom lip.
She looked ready to continue her argument. I thrust up into her with more strength and pinched both of her nipples gently. She gasped. I could feel her giving in slowly.
“Incredible.” she finally moaned, picking up the pace. She was now bouncing on my cock slowly.
“Focus on that and nothing else.” I demanded.
“Nghhh.” she gasped; her argument forgotten. “Your cock is so big. It fills my insides completely.”
I reached up and pulled her toward me. I kissed her passionately and then shifted her just enough for me to kiss her full tits.
“You like my breasts?” she asked, already knowing the answer, but wanting to hear me say it.
“They’re perfect.”
She smiled and leaned forward, propping herself up with her arms and dangling them in my face. She swayed slowly, teasing me. I enjoyed it for a few moments, but could only take so much of that.
I knocked her arms out of the way and buried my face between her breasts as her torso fell on me. I held onto her hips tighter and started thrusting up into her with short fierce strokes.
“Yes!” she cried as our bodies slapped against each other. It didn’t take long for her orgasm to build. I rolled us around until I was on top and continued stroking in and out of her, only now my thrusts were much longer and deeper. Her nails racked across my back.
“Try not to draw blood this time,” I groaned.
“It’s not like I do it on purpose.” she gasped.
I grabbed her hands and held them above her head, against the bed. She looked up at me and smiled. Her expression was one of lust. I took her beauty in and shook my head.
I held her like that while I thrust in and out of her over and over again, getting faster as time went by. I watched her expression as her orgasm threatened. There was nothing more beautiful to me then the passion that filled her eyes at the moment of release.
“Tell me.” I whispered, close to losing it. “Tell me what you want.”
“Don’t make me say it…” she cried. I stopped stroking for a moment. “No, don’t stop!”
“Then tell me.” I demanded. She gave in quickly.
“I want to feel your big cock buried inside of me!” she cried. “I want you to hold me down and fill me with your cum!” I thrust deep into her pussy.
“Hmm yess…” I grunted and came. She was right behind me. We shivered and shook through our mutual orgasm for quite some time.
“Thanks,” she said with a sigh afterward. “I needed that.”
“Minjeong thought you would,” I grinned, rolling off of her.
“Smart girl,” she smiled. And add, “But what we’re doing is almost over.”
“Over?” I asked in surprised concern.
“You said until the mark you gave me disappeared… It’s almost gone.” She lifted her hair to show me her neck. The hickey was still there, but it was fading. The sight of it stunned me. She walked into her bathroom before I could say anything.
I heard the water turn on as I lay there. I sat and thought for a few minutes.
-
“Minho?” mom groan as I walked in on her. “What are you doing in here?”
I didn’t bother responding. I simply walked into the shower, spun her around and pushed her against the wall. I pulled her hair into a ponytail and moved it out of the way.
“No!” she cried when she realized what I was doing, but by that time it was too late. My lips were latched onto the back of her neck. She fought, but I held her tight as I kissed and sucked on her neck until the hickey was bright once more. I let her go then and she turned to face me.
“I don’t want this to end,” I said. “Not yet.”
“But...”
“I won’t let it end!” I interjected more strongly. “You’re mine until my mark fades. That was the deal.”
“You cheated,” she said, shaking her head.
“So?” I shrugged, pulled her body against mine and kissing her hungrily.
“Minho!” Shhe moaned. “You shouldn’t have this kind of an effect on me!”
“You’re mine.” I said.
“For as long as the mark lasts,” she said between kisses. “That was the deal.”
“I knew you’d see it my way,” I smiled.
“Get out,” she said as she shook her head and laughed. “I really do need to be going soon.”
“You’d leave me like this?” I asked, motioning toward my hardening cock. “Excited and alone? What kind of mom are you?”
“The worst kind,” she said, but then dropped to her knees and took my cock into her mouth.
“You mean the best?” I groaned, taking her head with both hands and stroking my cock between her lips.
She locked eyes with me as I fucked her mouth. She never once looked away. It didn’t take long for me to cum. The sight of her watching me and swallowing as I spurted rope after rope of cum down her throat only made my orgasm last longer.
“Can I return the favor?” I asked, leaning against the shower wall to hold myself up. She started to stand and I reached out one hand and helped.
“When I get back,” she smiled. “We really don’t have the time. If I don’t get going right now, I’ll miss my flight.”
“I’ll be waiting,” I promised.
“I know,” she said, shaking her head.
“Don’t worry,” I added with a grin.
“You my son, have a one-track mind,” mom sighed.
“I wonder where I get it from.” I joked.
“Not me.” she laugh. “I’m a good girl.”
“Sure you are,” I agreed easily, slapping her ass playfully and laughing as I left the shower.
“Hmm,” she sigh sternly. “You and I have to talk about the correct way to treat a lady.”
“I’m willing to listen,” I replied as I dried myself. “But I’m reasonably certain you’ll miss your plane if you try and explain it right now.” She shook her head.
“Another time,” she said, fighting off a smile.
“I can’t wait,” I grinned.
She made it out of the house in plenty of time. The car the company sent to take her to the airport was only waiting a few minutes before she was ready.
“Good luck,” I said as I put her bags in the trunk. “Not that you’ll need it.”
“Thanks,” she said, getting into the car.
I waved and smiled as she drove away. I had just enough time to get a couple more hours of sleep before I had to get up and ready for class. I needed it. Mom had a way of completely exhausting me, and the thought of what might happen this weekend with Minjeong made me smile with anticipation.
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mostlysignssomeportents · 2 months ago
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Predicting the present
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If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:
https://pluralistic.net/2024/12/09/radicalized/#deny-defend-depose
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Back in 2018, around the time I emailed my immigration lawyer about applying for US citizenship, I started work on a short story called "Radicalized," which eventually became the title story of a collection that came out in 2019:
https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250228598/radicalized/
"Radicalized" is a story about America, and about guns, and about health care, and about violence. I live in Burbank, which is ranks second in gun-stores-per-capita in the USA, a dubious honor that represents a kind of regulatory arbitrage with our neighboring goliath, the City of Los Angeles, where gun store licensing is extremely tight. If you're an Angeleno in search of a firearm, you're almost certainly coming to Burbank to buy it.
Walking, cycling and driving past more gun stores than I'd ever seen in my Canadian life got me thinking about Americans and guns, a subject that many Canadians have passed comment upon. Americans kill each other, and especially themselves, at rates that baffle everyone else in the world, and they do it with guns. When we moved here, my UK born-and-raised daughter came home from her first elementary school lockdown drill perplexed and worried. Knowing what I did about US gun violence, I understood that while school shootings and other spree killings happened with dismal and terrifying regularity, they only accounted for a small percentage of the gun deaths here. If you die with a bullet in you, the chances are that the finger on the trigger was your own. The next most likely suspect is someone you know. After that, a cop. Getting shot by a stranger out of uniform is something of a rarity here – albeit a spectacular one that captures our imaginations in ways that deliberate or accidental self-slayings and related-party shootings do not.
So I told her, "Look, you can basically ignore everything they tell you during those lockdown drills, because they almost certainly have nothing to do with your future. But if a friend ever says to you, 'Hey, wanna see my dad's gun?' I want you to turn around and leave and get in touch with me right away, that instant."
Guns turn the murderous impulse – which, let's be honest, we've all felt at some time or another – into a murderous act. Same goes for suicide, which explains the high levels of non-accidental self-shootings in the USA: when you've got a gun, the distance between suicidal ideation and your death is the ten feet from the sofa to the gun in the closet.
Americans get angry at people and then, if they have a gun to hand, sometimes they shoot them. In a thread /r/Burbank about how people at our local cinemas are rude and use their phones in which someone posted, "Well, you should just ask them to stop." The reply: "That's a great way to get shot." No one chimed in to say, "Don't be ridiculous, no one would shoot you for asking them to put away their phone during a movie." Same goes for "road rage."
And while Americans shoot people they've only just gotten angry at, they also sometimes plan shooting sprees and kill a bunch of people because they're just generically angry. Being angry about the state of the world is a completely relatable emotion, of course, but the targets of these shootings are arbitrary. Sure sometimes these killings have clear, bigoted targets – mass shootings at Black supermarkets or mosques or synagogues or gay bars – more often the people who get sprayed with bullets (at country and western concerts or elementary schools or movie theaters) are almost certainly not the people the gunman (almost always a man) is angry at.
This line of thought kept surfacing as I went through the immigration process, but not just when I was dealing with immigration paperwork. I was also spending an incredible amount of time dealing with our health insurer, Cigna, who kept refusing treatments my pain doctor – one of the most-cited pain researchers in the country – thought I would benefit from. I've had chronic pain since I was a teenager, and it's only ever gotten worse. I've had decades of pain care in Canada and the UK, and while the treatments never worked for very long, it was never compounded by the kinds of bureaucratic stuff I went through with my US insurer.
The multi-hour phone calls with Cigna that went nowhere would often have me seeing red – literally, a red tinge closing in around my vision – and usually my hands would be shaking by the time I got off the call.
And I had it easy! I wasn't terminally ill, and I certainly wasn't calling in on behalf of a child or a spouse or parent who was seriously ill or dying, whose care was being denied by their insurer. Bernie's 2016 Medicare For All campaign promise had filled the air with statistics (Americans pay more for care and get worse outcomes than anyone else in the rich world), and stories. So many stories – stories that just tore your heart out, about parents who literally had to watch their children die because the insurance they paid for refused to treat their kids. As a dad, I literally couldn't imagine how I'd cope in that situation. Just thinking about it filled me with rage.
One day, as I was swimming in the community pool across the street – a critical part of my pain management strategy – I was struck with a thought: "Why don't these people murder health insurance executives?" Not that I wanted them to. I don't want anyone to kill anyone. But why do American men who murder their wives and the people who cut them off in traffic and random classrooms full of children leave the health insurance industry alone? This is an industry that is practically designed to fill the people who interact with it with uncontrollable rage. I mean, if you're watching your wife or your kid die before your eyes because some millionaire CEO decided to aim for a $10 billion stock buyback this year instead of his customary $9 billion target, wouldn't you feel that kind of murderous rage?
Around this time, my parents came out for a visit from Canada. It was a great trip, until one night, my mom woke me up after midnight: "We have to take your father to the ER. He's really sick." He was: shaking, nauseated, feverish. We raced down the street to the local hospital, part of a gigantic chain that has swallowed nearly all the doctors' practices, labs and hospitals within an hour's drive of here.
Dad had kidney stones, and they'd gone septic. When the ER docs removed the stones, all the septic gunk in his kidneys was flushed into his bloodstream, and he crashed. If he hadn't been in an ER recovery room at the time, he would have died. As it was, he was in a coma for three days and it was touch and go. My brother flew down from Toronto, not sure if this was his last chance to see our dad alive. The nurses and doctors took great care of my dad, though, and three days later, he emerged from his coma, and today, he's better than ever.
But on day two, when we thought he was probably at the end of his life, as my mother sat at his side, holding the hand of her husband of fifty years, someone from the hospital billing department came to her side and said, "Mrs Doctorow, I know this is a difficult time, but I'd like to discuss the matter of your husband's bill with you."
The bill was $176,000. Thankfully, the travel medical insurance plan offered by the Ontario Teachers' Union pension covered it all (I don't suppose anyone gets very angry with them).
How do people tolerate this? Again, not in the sense of "people should commit violent acts in the face of these provocations," but rather, "How is it that in a country filled with both assault rifles and unimaginable acts of murderous cruelty committed by fantastically wealthy corporations, people don't leap from their murderous impulses to their murderous weapons to commit murderous acts?
For me, writing fiction is an accretive process. I can tell that a story is brewing when thoughts start rattling around in my mind, resurfacing at odd times. I think of them as stray atoms, seeking molecules with available docking sites to glom onto. I process all my emotions – but especially my negative ones – through this process, by writing stories and novels. I could tell that something was cooking, but it was missing an ingredient.
Then I found it: an interview with the woman who coined the term "incel." It was on the Reply All podcast, and Alana, a queer Canadian woman explained that she had struggled all her life to find romantic and sexual partnership, and jokingly started referring to herself as "involuntarily celibate," and then, as an "incel":
https://gimletmedia.com/shows/reply-all/76h59o
Alana started a message board where other "incels" could offer each other support, and it was remarkably successful. The incels on Alana's message board helped each other work through the problems that stood between them and love, and when they did, they drifted away from the board to pursue a happier life.
That was the problem, Alana explained. If you're in a support group for people with a drinking problem, the group elders, the ones who've been around forever, are the people who've figured it out and gotten sober. When life seems impossible, those elders step in to tell you, I know it's terrible right now, but it'll get better. I was where you are and I got through it. You will, too. I'm here for you. We all are.
But on Alana's incel board, the old timers were the people who couldn't figure it out. They were the ones for whom mutual support and advice didn't help them figure out what they needed to do in order to find the love they sought. The longer the message board ran, the more it became dominated by people who were convinced that it was hopeless, that love was impossible for the likes of them. When newbies posted in rage and despair, these Great Old Ones were there to feed it: You're right. It will never get better. It only gets worse. There is no hope.
That was the missing piece. My short story Radicalized was born. It's a story about men on a message board called Fuck Cancer Right In the Fucking Face (FCKRFF, or "Fuckriff"), who are watching the people they love the most in the world be murdered by their insurance companies, who egg each other on to spectacular acts of mass violence against health insurance company employees, hospital billing offices, and other targets of their rage. As of today, anyone can read this story for free, courtesy of my publishers at Macmillan, who gave permission for the good folks at The American Prospect to post it:
https://prospect.org/culture/books/2024-12-09-radicalized-cory-doctorow-story-health-care/
I often hear from people about this story, even before an unknown (at the time of writing) man assassinated Brian Thompson, CEO of Unitedhealthcare, the murderous health insurance monopoly that is the largest medical insurer in the USA. Since then, hundreds of people have gotten in touch with me to ask me how I feel about this turn of events, how it feels to have "predicted" this.
I've been thinking about it for a few days now, and I gotta tell you, I have complicated feelings.
You've doubtless seen the outpourings of sarcastic graveyard humor about Thompson's murder. People hate Unitedhealthcare, for good reason, because he personally decided – or approved – countless policies that killed people by cheating them until they died.
Nurses and doctors hate Thompson and United. United kills people, for money. During the most acute phase of the pandemic, the company charged the US government $11,000 for each $8 covid test:
https://pluralistic.net/2020/09/06/137300-pct-markup/#137300-pct-markup
UHC leads the nation in claims denials, with a denial rate of 32% (!!). If you want to understand how the US can spend 20% of its GDP and get the worst health outcomes in the world, just connect the dots between those two facts: the largest health insurer in human history charges the government a 183,300% markup on covid tests and also denies a third of its claims.
UHC is a vertically integrated, murdering health profiteer. They bought Optum, the largest pharmacy benefit manager ("A spreadsheet with political power" -Matt Stoller) in the country. Then they starved Optum of IT investment in order to give more money to their shareholders. Then Optum was hacked by ransomware gang and no one could get their prescriptions for weeks. This killed people:
https://www.economicliberties.us/press-release/malicious-threat-actor-accesses-unitedhealth-groups-monopolistic-data-exchange-harming-patients-and-pharmacists/#
The irony is, Optum is terrible even when it's not hacked. The purpose of Optum is to make you pay more for pharmaceuticals. If that's more than you can afford, you die. Optum – that is, UHC – kills people:
https://pluralistic.net/2024/09/23/shield-of-boringness/#some-men-rob-you-with-a-fountain-pen
Optum isn't the only murderous UHC division. Take Navihealth, an algorithm that United uses to kick people out of their hospital beds even if they're so frail, sick or injured they can't stand or walk. Doctors and nurses routinely watch their gravely ill patients get thrown out of their hospitals. Many die. UHC kills them, for money:
https://prospect.org/health/2024-08-16-steward-bankruptcy-physicians-private-equity/
The patients murdered by Navihealth are on Medicare Advantage. Medicare is the public health care system the USA extends to old people. Medicare Advantage is a privatized system you can swap your Medicare coverage for, and UHC leads the country in Medicare Advantage, blitzing seniors with deceptive ads that trick them into signing up for UHC Medicare Advantage. Seniors who do this lose access to their doctors and specialists, have to pay hundreds or thousands of dollars for their medication, and get hit with $400 surprise bills to use the "free" ambulance service:
https://prospect.org/health/2024-12-05-manhattan-medicare-murder-mystery/
No wonder the public spends 22% more subsidizing Medicare Advantage than they spend on the care for seniors who stick with actual Medicare:
https://theconversation.com/taxpayers-spend-22-more-per-patient-to-support-medicare-advantage-the-private-alternative-to-medicare-that-promised-to-cost-less-241997
It's not just the elderly, it's also the addicted and mentally ill. UHC illegally denies coverage for mental health and substance abuse treatment. Imagine watching a family member spiral out of control, ODing, or ending up on the streets with hallucinations, and knowing that the health insurance company that takes thousands of dollars out of your paycheck refused to treat them:
https://www.startribune.com/unitedhealthcare-will-pay-15-7m-in-settlement-of-denial-of-care-charges/600087607
Unsurprising, the internal culture at UHC is callous beyond belief. How could it not be? How could you go to work at UHC and know you were killing people and not dehumanize those victims? A lawsuit by chronically ill patient whom UHC had denied care for surfaced recorded phone calls in which UHC employees laughed long and hard about the denied claims, dismissing the patient's desperate, tearful pleas as "tantrums" :
https://www.propublica.org/article/unitedhealth-healthcare-insurance-denial-ulcerative-colitis
Those UHC workers are just trying to get by, of course, and the callouses they develop so they can bear to go to work were ripped off by last week's murder. UHC's executive team knows this, and has gone on a rampage to stop employees from leaking their own horror stories, or even mentioning that the internal company announcement of Thompson's death was seen by 16,000 employees, of whom only 28 left a comment:
https://www.kenklippenstein.com/p/unitedhealthcare-tells-employees
Doctors and nurses hate UHC on behalf of their patients, but it's also personal. UHC screws doctor's practices by refusing to pay them, making them chase payments for months or even years, and then it offers them a payday lending service that helps them keep the lights on while they wait to get paid:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=frr4wuvAB6U
Is it any surprise that Reddit's nursing forums are full of nurses making grim, satisfied jokes about the assassination of the $10m/year CEO who ran the $400b/year corporation that does all this?
https://www.thedailybeast.com/leading-medical-subreddit-deletes-thread-on-unitedhealthcare-ceos-murder-after-users-slam-his-record/
We're not supposed to experience – much less express – schadenfreude when someone is murdered in the street, no matter who they are. We're meant to express horror at the idea of political violence, even when that violence only claims a single life, a fraction of the body count UCH produced under Thompson's direction. As Malcolm Harris put it, "'Every life is precious' stuff about a healthcare CEO whose company is noted for denying coverage is pretty silly":
https://twitter.com/BigMeanInternet/status/1864471932386623753
As Woody Guthrie wrote, "Some will rob you with a six-gun/And some with a fountain pen." The weapon is lethal when it's a pistol and when it's an insurance company. The insurance company merely serves as an accountability sink, a layer of indirection that lets a murder happen without any person being the technical murderer:
https://profilebooks.com/work/the-unaccountability-machine/
I don't want people to kill insurance executives, and I don't want insurance executives to kill people. But I am unsurprised that this happened. Indeed, I'm surprised that it took so long. It should not be controversial to note that if you run an institution that makes people furious, they will eventually become furious with you. This is the entire pitch of Thomas Piketty's Capital in the 21st Century: that wealth concentration leads to corruption, which is destabilizing, and in the long run it's cheaper to run a fair society than it is to pay for the guards you'll need to keep the guillotines off your lawn:
https://memex.craphound.com/2014/06/24/thomas-pikettys-capital-in-the-21st-century/
But we've spent the past 40 years running in the other direction, maximizing monopolies, inequality and corruption, and gaslighting the public when they insist that this is monstrous and unfair. Back in 2022, when UHC was buying Change Healthcare – the dominant payment network for hospitals, which would allow UHC to surveil all its competitors' payments – the DOJ sued to block the merger. The Trump-appointed judge in the case, Carl Nichols – who owned tens of thousands of dollars in UHC bonds – ruled against the DOJ, saying that it would all be fine thanks to United's "culture of trust and integrity":
https://www.thebignewsletter.com/p/the-antitrust-shooting-war-has-started
We don't know much about Thompson's killer yet, but he's already becoming a folk hero, with lookalike contests in NYC:
https://twitter.com/CollinRugg/status/1865472577478553976
And gigantic graffiti murals praising him and reproducing the words he wrote on the shell casings of the bullets he used to kill Thompson, "delay, deny, depose":
https://www.tumblr.com/radicalgraff/769193188403675136/killin-fuckin-ceos-freight-graff-in-the-bay
I get why this is distasteful. Thompson is said to have been a "family man" who loved his kids, and I have no reason to disbelieve this. I can only imagine that his wife and kids are shattered by this. Every living person is the apex of a massive project involving dozens, hundreds of people who personally worked to raise, nurture and love them. I wrote about this in my novel Walkaway, as the characters consider whether to execute a mercenary sent to kill them, whom they have taken hostage:
She had parents. People who loved her. Every human was a hyper-dense node of intense emotional and material investment. Speaking meant someone had spent thousands of hours cooing to you. Those lean muscles, the ringing tone of command — their inputs were from all over the world, carefully administered. The merc was more than a person: like a spaceship launch, her existence implied thousands of skilled people, generations of experts, wars, treaties, scholarship and supply-chain management. Every one of them was all that.
But so often, the formula for "folk hero" is "killing + time." The person who terrorizes the people who terrorize you is your hero, and eventually we sanitize the deaths, and just remember them as fighters for justice. If you doubt it, consider the legend of Robin Hood:
https://twitter.com/mcmansionhell/status/1865554985842352501
The health industry is trying to put a lid on this, palpably afraid that – as in my story "Radicalized" – this one murderer will become a folk hero who inspires others to acts of spectacular violence. They're insisting that it's unseemly to gloat about Thompson's death. They're right, but this is an obvious loser strategy. The health industry is full of people whose deaths would be deplorable, but not unsurprising. As Clarence Darrow had it:
I’ve never wished a man dead, but I have read some obituaries with great pleasure.
Murder is never the answer. Murder is not a healthy response to corruption. But it is healthy for people to fear that if they kill people for greed, they will be unsafe. On December 5 – the day after Thompson's killing – the health insurer Anthem announced that it would not pay for anesthesia for medical procedures that ran long. The next day, they retracted the policy, citing "outrage":
https://www.cnn.com/2024/12/05/health/anthem-blue-cross-blue-shield-anesthesia-claim-limits/index.html
Sure, maybe it was their fear of reputation damage that got them to decide to reverse this inhumane, disgusting, murderous policy. But maybe it was also someone in the C-suite thinking about what share of the profits from this policy would have to be spent on additional bodyguards for every Anthem exec if it went into effect, and decided that it was a money-loser after all.
Think about hospital exec Ralph de la Torre, who cheerfully testified to Congress that he'd killed patients in pursuit of profit. De la Torre clearly doesn't fear any kind of consequences for his actions. He owns hospitals that are filled with tens of thousands of bats (he stiffed the exterminators), where none of the elevators work (he stiffed the repair techs), where there's no medicine or blood (he stiffed the suppliers) and where the doctors and nurses can't make rent (he stiffed them too). De La Torre doesn't just own hospitals – he also owns a pair of superyachts:
https://pluralistic.net/2024/02/28/5000-bats/#charnel-house
It is a miracle that so many people have lost their mothers, sons, wives and husbands so Ralph de la Torre could buy himself another superyacht, and that those people live in a country where you can buy an assault rifle, and that Ralph de la Torre isn't forced to live in a bunker and travel in a tank.
It's a rather beautiful sort of miracle, to be honest. I like to think that it comes from a widespread belief by the people of this country I have since become a citizen of, that we should solve our problems politically, rather than with bullets.
But the assassination of Brian Thompson is a wake-up call, a warning that if we don't solve this problem politically, we may not have a choice about whether it's solved with violence. As a character in "Radicalized" says, "They say violence never solves anything, but to quote The Onion: that's only true so long as you ignore all of human history":
https://prospect.org/culture/books/2024-12-09-radicalized-cory-doctorow-story-health-care/
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benegesseritofficial · 7 months ago
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The effects of face paint on Harrowhark's psyche
I've now cosplayed Gideon Nav 3 times, with my wife along as Harrow every time. Naturally, this has included full face paint for both of us each time and I have some thoughts.
Let me start by asserting that everything Muir writes in TLT about the face paint is accurate. Rubbing off your lips first, smearing into gray where the black and white meet, the way sweat makes it ooze but not run. I can't say if Muir (a known Homestuck) ever cosplayed as a troll, but I'm positive she tested out the practicality of the skull face paint or otherwise has first hand experience with extensive use of grease paint. Also, the way she describes normal people flinching when they see you is spot on.
I've noticed while putting on the make up that once most of my skin is covered, any flesh tones sticking out start to become unsettling. Specifically, the red/pink of the inner mouth and around the eyes jump out upsettingly. Every time I've done skull paint I find myself meticulously trying to patch over these edges of skin, despite knowing that it's inside skin that Shouldn't Have Make Up On It. Once my face is monochrome, I don't want to be able to see a scrap of real human under there. Smiling, or otherwise opening your mouth wide enough to see the pink, looks UNSETTLING. My own skin causes the uncanny valley effect. You see where this is going. In NtN we learn Harrowhark disassociates often enough that Crux isn't surprised or concerned to see "Harrow" insisting she's someone else. Obviously this is due to her schizophrenia, and perhaps trauma besides. But it doesn't account for every aspect of why Harrow's "like that." On her most lucid days Harrow ignores her body to the point of sweating blood and passing out. She goes entire days without eating. She thinks of herself as a skeleton unfortunately covered in flesh. She sleeps in her paint.
All of which is heinous, but that last one has stuck with me. From age 13-18 I barely glanced down while I showered and whatever I saw I basically blocked out. I wore underwear and a bra under my pajamas to sleep every night. I was going through the wrong puberty, "my body was in open rebellion" as I liked to say at the time, and the only way to cope was to bind it down and pretend it wasn't happening. By Gideon's narration in HtN one gets the impression most nuns of the Ninth are putting their paint on after breakfast and taking it off when they get home. It's not even expected the average person wears it every time they leave the house. But Harrow regularly only takes her paint off in order to redo it. I suspect a combination of being the most brainwashed person in her own cult, knowing how she was conceived, and the regular disassociation make it very difficult for Harrow to conceptualize that she actually lives in a body. If she faced that fact head on she'd have to ask why it so often feels someone else is using her body. She'd have to cope with owning this body, being a part of this body, that was bought with the blood of 200 children who should have been her peers and friends. Instead she pretends it's an object on loan from them. And she does it with 10 layers of black petticoats and so much paint she never has to see her own skin.
Which brings me to the final thing I've noticed wearing full face paint. It dehumanizes you to yourself and everyone around you. I couldn't read my own expressions in a mirror. Even people who understood and were delighted with my cosplay were visibly nervous talking to me. You don't look like a person. Studies have shown that faces wearing heavy make up are ranked as harder to read and perceived as less empathetic. It's a particularly insidious trap of patriarchy that many women find self esteem in wearing make up, while that very act makes everyone around them treat them more callously. And, worst of all, if you stop wearing it once you're used to it, your naked face is shocking. You look sick due to your colors being less bold and the normal small flaws of your face appear unbearably ugly. With all this in mind, Harrow has trapped herself in a feedback loop of not being able to witness her own face and becoming more and more disgusted with the flesh and person underneath whenever she has to glance at it.
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wileycap · 1 year ago
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Crackfic Idea:
30-year-old Zuko gets randomly flung back in time to his 16-year-old self. For a couple of hours at a time. At the most random times imaginable. Imagine the potential.
Zuko assumes that it's a dream or a vision, but definitely not real. He tries not to freak everybody out too badly, but he's also fully enjoying himself and seeing all of his friends as their young selves.
ZUKO, as he and Aang circle each other at the South Pole: I've spent years preparing for this encounter. Training, meditating. You're just a [Spirit Shwoop Sound] ... baby Aang!
AANG, confused: Well, more like preteen Aang. How do you know my name?
ZUKO, looking around: Wait, where are we?
AANG: Um... this is the-
SOKKA: Don't answer him! He's trying to get information out of you. You can't give away our location!
KATARA: Sokka, he's standing in the middle of our village. I think he knows.
ZUKO: We're here? This is so weird. I was just here for the Annual Penguin Race.
AANG: THERE'S AN ANNUAL PENGUIN RACE?!
ZUKO: Well, yeah, it was your idea... you gave a whole speech about cross-cultural cooperation and friendship, but I know you just wanted to go penguin sledding with a bunch of people...
AANG: Well, I-
SOKKA: Stop giving him more information! He already knows about the penguins!
Everybody else is confused, bewildered and even befuddled except for Iroh, who assumes that it's Spirit Shenanigans™️ and just fully accepts that his nephew likes tea and hugs and Pai Sho sometimes while being his usual shouty surly traumaball self at others.
ZUKO, stepping into the cabin: Hi, Uncle. I brought you some ginseng. How about a game of Pai Sho?
IROH, tearing up a little: I would love that, my nephew.
ZUKO: I wish we could do this more often, but you live so far away...
IROH, mentally calculating that he lives exactly three doors away from Zuko, and nodding sagely: The rat-viper may never climb the mountain that a hog-monkey can, but the monkey does not know what lies underneath it.
ZUKO, sighing sadly: I know, Uncle. I do appreciate my position in life, even if it has disadvantages.
IROH: Hmm. Your move, nephew.
The crew of Zuko's ship is terrified by the fact that whenever it happens, Zuko is somehow even more hyper-competent, seems to be weirdly calm about everything, and most unnervingly of all, he's polite.
SOLDIER: Here is a report on the best teahouses within three days travel of our current location, Sir. And, uh, Commander Zhao sent a messenger hawk.
ZUKO: Excellent. Thank you very much, Sergeant. I think we can ignore whatever Zhao has to say. In reply, I want you to send him a list of the most famous officers in Fire Nation history, and point out that none of them had sideburns. I want to see if he shaves them.
SOLDIER, sweating nervously: O-of course, Sir.
As a matter of fact, the whole fic could just be Zuko trolling Zhao. It would be glorious.
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wileys-russo · 2 months ago
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don't look back II l.williamson
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don't look back II l.williamson
your body clock putting in a shift lately you weren't surprised to see it was hours later than you thought you'd be up, leah of course still very much dead asleep beside you, back turned and you could see her shoulders rising and falling a little the only sign of life.
you turned and attached your body to the defenders, slotting your leg in between hers and placing a tender kiss to her bare shoulder blade, the blonde not even stirring as you called her name softly a few times.
when a gentle approach didn't work, leah's eyes still shut and not even a grunt sounding, you sat up and shook her a few times, a tired exhale and some mumbled gibberish in response.
"lee, baby come on, wakey wakey." you cooed, poking at her cheek as the older girl scrunched her nose and grumbled something, pushing your hand away and scooting across the bed right to the very edge, clearly trying to move away from you making you scoff.
"leah how often do we both have the whole day off? it's like midday, we're running out of sun. please get up!" you groaned, shoving your girlfriends limp body as she sighed heavily, once again pushing your hands away.
"cmon don't be a pest babe, just let me sleep for a couple more minutes." the blonde mumbled tiredly, arms snaking around her pillow as she pulled it closer, eyes not even flickering open.
"you can sleep when you're dead leah. come on lets go for breakfast, coffee on me?" you scooted over from your side of the bed and ducked down to kiss her cheek a few times, getting nothing but silence in return.
"leah catherine!" with a huff you grabbed the extra pillow from the floor, sitting up and repeatedly whacking the older girl in an attempt to get her to stir.
you knew she'd been out late with the team last night after a big win, but mid season it was rare she'd drink enough to have this bad of a hangover, though you also couldn't quite remember what time it was she even joined you in bed.
"you're so annoying man. just fuck off and let me sleep if you can't lay here with me!" the defender snapped harshly, finally opening her eyes and snatching the pillow off you, hauling it to the other side of the room and turning onto her stomach with a grun.
"seriously? you're in this much of a mood? what did you do drink the bar dry last night?" you scoffed, crossing your arms and narrowing your eyes down at her, rolling them at the singular middle finger which popped out in response to your question.
"m'not hungover, m'tired."
"leah you haven't even let me sleep in the same bed as you without a pillow wall for the last couple of weeks. i'm gone of a morning when you get up and you're gone of an afternoon when i get home. we both have the day off, and isn't the point of a relationship that you want to actually spend quality time together occasionally?" you accused, glaring down at her where her eyes remained firmly shut.
"need i remind you love the pillow fort is because we made a pact no more sex till the end of the season because it tires me out. and cause you've been on a weird sleep schedule with switching out from working nights. if you get in here with me and even so much as touch my thigh, one of us will crack and then it's no stopping from there, its a few more weeks babe you'll live." leah sighed, arm extending out and smacking around blindly until she found your leg, giving it a little squeeze in what she likely assumed was supportive, but really you were more than a little hurt by her blunt honesty.
"right. so I'm basically only here to fulfill your needs when you're horny, run to and from collecting your shit when you leave it laying around and can't find what you need, cook your meals, do your laundry and clean the place up when you trash it because you can't keep it tidy enough to find anything?" you started in disbelief.
"so basically i'm a glorified maid? yeah perfect enjoy your sleep in leah, maybe i can find someone else to give me a kiss every now and then, wish me good morning and grab a coffee with me like i'm not some chore." you spat, swinging out of bed and making a beeline for the door as your girlfriend hurried to sit up.
"no no hey babe wait you know that's not what i meant-" the girl started with a sigh, running a hand through her hair and pausing for a moment, blinking with a wince as her eyes adjusted making yours roll.
"actually no you know what? i don't need to explain myself you know i love you and just because i want a lie in on my day off doesn't mean i don't. stop being so sensitive!" the defender blew it off, flopping back down and turning her back to you.
even further in disbelief at how little this seemed to bother her and that she'd seem to only hear half of what you were saying your mouth was open and ready to really let her have it, all the two of you seemed to be doing together lately was to argue anyway.
but not bothered for the sharp tongued comeback which leah wouldn't mean but would no doubt hurt your feelings even more you decided to leave it.
pulling on a pair of jeans and a hoodie, grabbing the first shoes in reach you left, making sure to slam the door behind you to really send a message.
the winter chill settling in you looked back at the front door, contemplating going back for a jacket or a vest of some kind but with a sigh you decided against it and ran a hand through your rather disheveled hair.
really the only person first and foremost you wanted to talk to right now was leah, and when you'd first started seeing one another it seemed that all the pair of you did was talk.
for hours and hours you covered every topic big and small, you'd often even fall asleep on the phone together, playful teasing following the next day about whose fault it was you were both so exhausted after staying up much later than needed.
you were a paramedic so you were much more well adjusted to a lack of sleep than leah, in fact you weren't sure if leah actually could survive without eight hours a day, well warned by the blonde herself that she was not a morning person and incredibly grumpy.
though you seemed to be the exception to that, leah waking up purposefully early to meet you after your night shift for breakfast, bringing you flowers and showering you with compliments that had your ears turning red and her face painted with a victorious grin at the sight.
you'd always heard of the 'spark' of a relationship dimming, especially from older married coworkers who complained about a lack of romance and spontaneity, feeding this back to leah who would always reassure you with a soft kiss that only happened to 'boring old people'.
yet here you were drowning in the same reality your girlfriend had always gone above and beyond to assure you would never be so, quelling your fears and anxieties with her undivided attention and unconditional love as much as she could spare it.
sometimes you'd think back toward the first year of dating leah and your chest would hurt, all of the romance and the dates and the late nights and the flowers, and you found yourself wanting to scream for taking it all for granted.
nowadays it seemed you and leah were no longer dating, merely...co-existing perhaps? you couldn't quite pinpoint when the 'spark' had begun to dim but what was once a fully lit bonfire was now barely a smoldering ember and the worst part of it was how blind leah was to that even happening.
so though you craved your girlfriend, there was really only one person you felt like going to talk to now.
~
"so you're hanging out with me on a day off." your best friend commented as she sipped at her coffee seemingly amused.
"meaning?" you raised an eyebrow curiously, the blonde smiling with a small shrug. "i love you, but i am not normally your first call for a friday coffee anymore." alessia chuckled as you flushed pink with embarrassment.
"hey i'm just joking, unclench." the striker teased, kicking you under the table seeing the apology about to be hurled her way and the obvious worry in your eyes that she was actually upset.
"i've had years of coffee's with you, you know i've quite enjoyed the break really." the blonde hummed as you now kicked her and rolled your eyes, a small smile playing on your lips.
"so not that i don't like seeing you, but i'm guessing there's a reason you called? you don't seem yourself." alessia guessed, tone softening and laced with concern as you sighed heavily. "oh its that bad? right come on then." the girl stood, nodding for you to follow her into the living room.
you wasted no time leaving your coffee on the side table and flopping down on the couch you'd slept on a few times now after other arguments with leah, though back then they'd usually blow over by the morning where she'd pick you up with flowers in the front seat and a hundred texts apologising.
but lately your arguments had been different, more personal, more hurtful, you knew one another like the back of your hand and as beautiful a connection that could be, it also meant that leah knew every little insecurity and doubt to pick at in order to hit you where it really mattered.
"okay. let it out!" alessia made herself comfortable in the armchair she'd dragged to sit across from you, legs crossed and somewhat resembling a therapist as you laid down on the couch and exhaled, taking a pause before word vomiting what you'd been holding in for weeks now.
"-and now its like she doesn't even care if i'm there or not, so why am i even there?" you finished, throwing your hands up as the room fell silent and alessia seemed to take a moment to process everything.
"oh my god she's your captain and your team mate and your friend less shit this wasn't appropriate!" you had a sudden realization as you sat up panicked and the blonde hurried to sit down next to you.
"hey hey no, it's fine, breathe." alessia inhaled and exhaled deeply as you copied her, nodding once you'd managed to slow your heart rate a little.
"yes leah is all of those things, but you've been my best friend since you cried at the school gate on the first day of school and my mum made me come over and ask if you were okay." alessia teased as you groaned and covered your face with a pillow.
"less that is not how it happened!" "that is absolutely how it happened."
"but meaning, leah is also my best friends girlfriend, and besides who was it that introduced the two of you anyway?" alessia reminded as you exhaled and she yanked the throw pillow from your grip, tossing it to the floor.
"i love leah yes, but the way she's treating you isn't okay. you're way more than just something warm she comes home to or someone who pairs up her socks and does her laundry." alessia squeezed your knee as you puffed out air in an attempt at a chuckle.
"she really is terrible at keeping her socks in pairs."
"you're also the girl in the stands she looks at every time we do the post game lap, and who makes her smile at her phone like an idiot, who she is always proudly boasting about and why she lies about needing to leave training ten minutes early so she can pick you up food before you get home from work." alessia smiled sadly which you returned, sighing when you realized you couldn't actually remember the last time those things had happened.
"but, i really think you need to tell her all of this though. i love you but you do sometimes think people can read your mind and know how you're feeling without you expressing it in the slightest." alessia poked your forehead as you huffed.
"thats not to excuse how she's been acting, but i think she needs the wake up call of hearing from you how she's been acting is actually making you feel." alessia promised as you nodded, the blonde pulling you in for a hug as you sighed and rested your head on her shoulder.
"i love you less." "i love you too, even if my mum forced me to be your friend." "that is not how it happened!"
~
pulling into the driveway you cut your car off and took a moment to collect your thoughts, having been driving around rehearsing what you wanted to say for awhile now until you'd charged up the courage to go through with it.
letting yourself inside you were surprised to see leah had actually moved from the bed, head turning to look at you from where she was sat on the lounge watching something, draped in a vintage arsenal tracksuit.
"you're back! babe where'd you go? i texted you, no reply." the blonde shook her phone at you, clearly having paid no mind to the argument you'd had this morning or else her first words may have been an apology, but you on the other hand weren't letting it go that easily.
"oh sorry i went to go and learn how not to be so sensitive." you pouted sarcastically as her once happy expression dropped, but you ignored it and walked off to the bathroom.
"christ i look a mess." you mumbled, wincing at the bags under your eyes and looking around for your brush to pull through your semi knotted hair.
"hey love come on don't be like this, i didn't mean what i said." leah rasped, arms encircling your waist from behind and resting her forehead against your back with a hum. "you know how i am in the mornings. how about we go for lunch yeah?" leah suggested as you rummaged through the vanity cupboard.
"fuck off leah." you muttered, pulling her arms off of you and finally grabbing your hairbrush, trying to walk off but her hand grabbed your wrist tugging you back toward her.
"babe i'm really sorry, you know i love you more than anything." the defender husked quietly, grabbing your other hand and interlacing your fingers, bringing your palm to her mouth with a kiss and a soft smile that normally would melt you like butter.
but today, all it did was make you angry.
"of course you do. i do whatever you want, whenever you want it. we fuck when it suits you, i go to your games, go out with your friends, come home from working a twelve hour shift and do your washing so you have a clean uniform for training." you wrenched your hands from hers and poked at her chest with every accusation.
"but when i want to actually spend a night sleeping with my girlfriend and have her touch me in a way thats filled with love and not just lust. thats not okay because you're like some horny teenage cretin who gets a metaphorical boner when i touch your thigh? we're both in our twenties and sleeping with a pillow wall between us, do you know how ridiculous that sounds leah?" you laughed but it was one of desperation and panic, not a drop of humor to be found.
"so i'm here for what? moral support? to look at? to play with when you're bored?" you questioned rhetorically, shaking your head and throwing your brush to the floor, making a beeline for the bedroom as you heard her scoff behind you.
"i am trying to make up for this morning and trying to show you that you're so much more to me and you won't even look me in the eye. if you don't want an apology then what the fuck do you want?" leah called out, tugging at her hair in frustration as you paused.
"what do i want? how about my girlfriend back i'd fucking love that leah, because whoever this is-" you spun around and paused to gesture at her. "-sure as shit isn't my girlfriend, or at least the one i remember falling head over heels in love with." your tone dropped in those last few words, pausing to squeeze your eyes shut and take a breath.
"baby i'm still here. i'm still me. i'm still your girlfriend and last time I checked you were still mine." leah replied with an air of confidence that made your stomach drop, really solidifying for you that she may have been listening to you but she wasn't hearing you.
"really? because last time i checked when you have a girlfriend you go on dates with them, you make time for them and you actually enjoy that time with them." you shook your head and threw your hands up.
"and you hold their hand, and you talk to them about anything and everything because you want to. you kiss them out of love and not obligation, you say good morning and goodnight and when you lay in bed with them you can hold one another without it turning into sex. and when it does turn into sex it's supposed to be filled with intimacy not just a quick fuck with no feelings attached and where you ignore the person afterwards and put up a pathetic pillow wall leah!" you spat, wiping a single angry tear that escaped.
"and if you can't see that lately you haven't been acting like my friend let alone my girlfriend, then maybe I should go stay with my parents and wait for whenever my girlfriend comes back, because I miss her leah." you finished as your voice cracked and your chest heaved with shallow breaths, waiting for her to say something, anything.
but when the silence became suffocating you shook your head and made your way to the front door. throwing it open you gave one last look back and could see the blonde begging you to stay with her eyes.
but you didn't want a look, you wanted words. words you knew she'd say after you were gone, words she thought you wanted to hear and that would get you to return to her but wouldn't contain any actual substance.
words that would come through voicemails and text messages and that would kill you to ignore, but if she wasn't hearing you through words, maybe silence was the only way to get through to her.
"i'll come back for some of my stuff later, goodbye leah." you muttered dejectedly, forcing your eyes away and stepping outside.
you paused to take a breath before wrapping your arms around yourself, giving the comfort and hug you'd been after from the blonde behind you for far too long now.
maybe your girlfriend would come back to you, or maybe she wouldn't.
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