#we didnt get home until past midnight and we were pretty tired

[silhouettecrow]

365 Days of Writing Prompts: Day 272

Adjective: Metallic

Noun: Waterfall

Definitions for those who need/want them:

Metallic: relating to or resembling metal or metals; (of sound) resembling that produced by metal objects striking each other, or sharp and ringing; (of a person's voice) emanating or as if emanating via an electronic medium; having the sheen or luster of metal

Waterfall: a cascade of water falling from a height, formed when a river or stream flows over a precipice or steep incline

[ifmywishescametrue]

WAIT I DIDNT KNOW YOU SHIPPED SAMTONY TOO!!! another oneeee #13 "I saw you looking at it last time we were in the store together, so I got it for you." for samtony

samtony is a very pure ship 😌 thank you for sending a prompt, and I hope you like it!

It starts on a perfectly average Tuesday morning.

“Why do I do this to myself?” Sam pants out, folding himself in half with his hands on his knees. “Every damn time I say it's the last time, and every damn time here we are again.”

Bucky claps a hand on his back and almost knocks him over with one touch. “Maybe you're a masochist, Sammy.”

Sam feebly flips him off, walking off the elevator on jelly legs. “I told you not to call me that.”

“You let Tony call you that,” Bucky points out, following him towards the kitchen.

"I actually like him. We're friends."

“That's offensive. I'm literally your best friend. Your favorite person. The Abbott to your Costello. The Tom to your Jerry. The Lucy to your Ethel.”

Sam snorts, “You're not even my favorite hundred year old man in this building. Also, if anyone’s the Lucy here, it’s me.”

Bucky scoffs, but whatever retort he had coming cuts off when they enter the kitchen. “Oh, damn, are those banana pancakes?”

He reaches for one on the top of the stack, and Tony slaps his hand away with the spatula. “Where are your manners, Barnes?”

“You’ve got like ten there,” Bucky whines. “Why can’t I have one?”

“You can have one when it’s your turn.”

Bucky gives him a dramatic pout that has no effect, and Sam laughs at the scene as he collapses into the stool next to Nat at the peninsula. She gives him a raised eyebrow and a quirked lip at the complete lack of grace.

Tony flits through the kitchen, exchanging lighthearted quips with Bucky as he goes. He has on an apron that Clint gave him at Christmas last year, covered in snowflakes and purple hearts with arrows through them in a mimicry of an ugly Christmas sweater pattern. Underneath it is a t-shirt dotted with Captain America shields, and the sweatpants have a cartoon version of the War Machine suit on the thigh. As usual, all of the colors clash.

A mug of coffee is placed in front of Sam with a small smile before Tony returns to the stove, and Sam is still drinking the first sip when he comes back with a plate of pancakes for him, topped with just the right amount of syrup and a dollop of whipped cream. Tony’s gone again before he can even finish saying thank you.

“Why is it his turn before me?” Bucky complains, and Sam laughs again through his first mouthful at how petulant he sounds.

“I like him the best,” Tony says, sending a wink Sam’s way. “And they’re for him, anyway. Your favorite, right?”

Sam’s eyes widen a bit in surprise. He doesn’t remember telling him that. “Uh, yeah, they are. How’d you know that?”

Tony shrugs, “I pay attention.”

He hands Bucky a plate of pancakes with another jab at his lack of patience, and the moment passes as quickly as it came, but it keeps happening after that.

Tony pays attention to him.

Maybe it was happening all along, before that morning with the pancakes, but just too subtle for Sam to take notice at first. Now that he has, though, he sees it all the time.

The next is just a few days later, when Tony knocks on his door holding a small, nondescript black box.

“What’s this for?” Sam asks, taking it from Tony’s hand. He doesn’t get an answer before he opens the lid to a simple, leather-banded watch. It’s nothing overtly expensive, nothing that screams ‘gift from a billionaire,’ but it is exactly something Sam would have chosen for himself.

“I saw you looking at it last time we were in the store together, so I got it for you,” Tony says simply. “Figured it would go well with that suit Pepper picked for you for the gala tomorrow night.”

Later, Sam will realize that Pepper had nothing to do with the suit choice that fit him perfectly, but for now he runs a thumb over the dark brown leather and says, “Yeah, it will. Thanks, Tony.”

“No problem,” Tony replies, and he lingers in the doorway for a while longer, lower lip between his teeth. Sam is about to ask if there was something else he came here for when Tony claps his hands together and says, “Well, I should get going. Workshop things to do and all that. I’ll see you at dinner.”

He disappears quickly, and that becomes part of it, too. Never dwelling on it when he does something just for Sam. Fleeing if he can, but sometimes staying when that’s what Sam needs instead.

“You look exhausted,” Tony says, and Sam manages a grumble from where he’s slumped on the living room couch, rubbing a hand over his bruised abdomen.

The mission took longer than either him or Bucky expected, and the fights were more intense. It was supposed to be a quick in-and-out type of deal. Infiltrate the base, take out the lower level minions, and apprehend the leaders. But the intel wasn’t as accurate as they were hoping, and there were nearly double the number of enemies than predicted. No major injuries for either of them, but he’ll be sore for at least a few days. Bucky’s cuts and bruises healed on the way home.

Sam doesn’t notice that Tony left until he comes back with ice wrapped in a kitchen towel. He places the ice right on the worst spot over his ribs, holding it there until Sam replaces his hand with his own.

“It’s getting pretty late,” Tony remarks. “You should probably head up to bed. You’ll feel even worse if you fall asleep here, trust me on that one.”

It’s somewhere past midnight, Sam knows, but even with how tired his body is, his mind is still wide awake. The mission replays in his mind. Every faulty move, every chance to do better, every little detail both good and bad.

Sam shakes his head, “Not ready for bed yet.”

Tony takes the seat next to him, leaving an inch of space between them. “J, turn on the Saints game from yesterday.”

Sam smiles a little and asks, “Do you even like football?”

“It’s not the worst sport,” Tony replies vaguely. He settles back into the cushions and pulls the blanket off the back of the couch to cover them both.

“Yeah, what’s the best?”

Completely serious, Tony says, “Ping pong.”

Sam laughs, “That’s not a real sport. Pick something else.”

“Of course it’s real. It’s in the Olympics and everything,” Tony grins. “Give me one good reason it’s not a sport.”

“Alright, fine, maybe it’s real, but there’s no way it’s your favorite.”

Tony shrugs, “It’s entertaining sometimes. The professionals get really into it. There’s an awful lot of grunting involved.”

They stay up for a while longer, talking about nothing of importance, and Tony slowly shifts closer to him until that bit of distance is gone. His arm presses up against him, and Sam starts to have a hard time keeping his eyes open, it seems only natural to rest his head against Tony’s shoulder.

“You can go to bed,” Sam murmurs. “You don’t have to stay here with me.”

“I don’t mind,” Tony whispers back.

Sam does regret it a bit when he wakes up on the couch in the morning with a sore back, but there’s a fresh mug of coffee already waiting for him on the table, still warm and exactly how he likes it, and he smiles to himself anyway. That night is a shift to something different, and he knows it right away.

He starts to pay more attention to Tony’s interactions with everyone else, just in case he’s part of the rule and not the exception. Generosity is one of Tony’s best traits, but even so it tends to extend even further to him. More personal and frequent.

“So there’s this place in Brooklyn that claims to have the most authentic cajun cuisine outside of New Orleans. Want to come with me? Tell me if it’s true?”

It isn’t true, and Tony comes to him the next day with another one, until they’re on a quest together to find one that doesn’t make Sam miss home after just one bite. It takes them all over the city and into Jersey once or twice, and Sam doesn’t point out that Tony doesn’t even seem to like crawfish, no matter where it comes from. He doesn’t want it to be over if he does.

“This is pretty close,” Sam says. He thinks it might be place number eleven, but he lost count a while back. “Could use a little more spice, but at least they didn’t try to add their own spin to it.”

Tony’s watery eyes widen. “This isn’t spicy enough for you?”

Sam grins and shakes his head. “Remind me to bring you with me the next time I go home. You won’t know what hit you.”

Tony’s face does something complicated at that, before it settles on a soft smile. “Yeah, that would be fun.”

Sam fully gets it then, what exactly it all means, but he doesn’t quite know what he wants to do about it yet. Tony has taken up residence in a place in his heart that he wasn’t sure was capable of opening up anymore. He did it so easily, sneaking in like a thief in the night and catching Sam unaware.

Now the sound of Tony’s laugh makes his stomach flip. He seeks it out, telling him stupid stories and jokes to make it happen more. He stares a little too much to catch glimpses of his smile, and now he can see just how often Tony looks back.

It isn’t subtle anymore, this thing between them. Lingering looks, too long touches, and every quiet gesture all build up. Bucky teases him and Natasha gives him knowing looks. Steve tells him that he hopes they make each other happy, and Sam doesn’t tell him that nothing has happened between them like that. They’re still just friends, and they don’t talk about what any of it means.

“Do you want to see a movie with me tonight? There’s that weird one with the killer robots playing downtown,” Sam suggests, and neither of them say anything when Tony slips his hand into his in the darkness of the theater. It goes unmentioned, too, when Sam holds tight after Tony almost lets go when they reach the sidewalk afterwards.

It’s another late night when the last piece finally falls into place.

Sam is nursing bruised ribs again after another mission that turned a little sideways through no one’s fault. He’s still sweaty, dirt under his fingernails and dried blood caked around a shallow cut on his cheek, but Sam still asks JARVIS in the elevator to take him to wherever Tony is. It isn’t as surprising as it should be that Tony is waiting for him on the edge of Sam’s bed.

He stands there patiently while Tony looks him over, and he looks his fill in return. It’s strange how days away from him feel longer now. His balance is off center until Tony is around to set him right again.

“I missed you,” Sam murmurs, and Tony smiles softly.

“You were only gone a couple of days,” he points out, but Sam knows now that it’s his way of saying that he missed him just as much.

Normally, Sam would let it move on from here. Tony would lead him into the bathroom, gently clean up his scrapes, and click his tongue at every bruise. It would end with them on the couch, Sam’s head in Tony’s lap or vice versa, depending on what mood it takes. Sometimes he wants to hold Tony and remember that he survived another fight so he could come home to this, and sometimes he needs to be held to forget about everything else that was lost along the way.

But tonight he reaches out to grasp Tony’s hip, and he draws him in a little closer. The room is dimly lit, and each shadow on Tony’s face is accentuated. Sam can’t remember quite the first time he looked at him and thought the word ‘beautiful,’ but it’s all he’s thinking now.

“You love me,” Sam says. “For a long time now, right?”

Tony nods, and he wraps his arms around Sam’s waist, careful not to hold too tight. “You caught up eventually. Didn’t take as long as I thought it would.”

Sam smiles, cupping Tony’s face in one palm and stroking his thumb across his cheekbone. “How long were you expecting?”

“Maybe never,” Tony admits. “I would’ve kept trying, though.”

“Stay with me tonight?” Sam asks, because nothing more needs to be said for now. They both already know.

“How about every night?”

Sam leans in slowly, murmuring against his lips, “Sounds like a plan.”

[thechangeling]

Your heartbeat is disguised as mine.

This is a platonic oneshot between my OC Janessa Williams and Kit Herondale. Full disclosure, I am a nonbinary person writing about a binary Trans woman. I pulled all of the information for constructing Nessie's background and character profile from other peoples stories both fictional and real. If I have spread misinformation of any kind or written anything that members of the community find offensive, please let me know! I will fix it immediately. Also I'm a useless Demisexual so sometimes I blur the lines between romantic and platonic too much, but hopefully this reads as platonic. Enjoy!

Janessa Williams was in trouble.

It wasn't like this was an uncommon occurrence. Nessie had spent the majority of her life weaving in and out of dangerous situations, but in her defense it usually wasn't her fault.

Kids picking on her when she was younger because she was wearing "girls clothes." Angry people yelling obscenities at her while she was walking home and men threatening to beat her up in the middle of crowded places when she was still transitioning and looked more "obvious" according to some people. Whatever the fuck that meant. And Nessie knew it probably would have been even worse if she hadn't been white.

She relished in the fact that now she was a vampire she was essentially invincible. Like many other people, becoming a downworlder was a source of safety. Which is why it was so painful to hear shadowhunters talk about how "tragic" the creation of vampires and werewolves was.

There were girls whispering behind her back in high school. Just trying to go to the bathroom without there being some sort of public debate amongst her teachers and principal was also a factor.

Jenessa was certainly no stranger to conflict or adversity. But this? This was something else entirely.

Before she had died. Nessie had actually made a decent connection with other members of her community. Even making casual acquaintances was comforting. The queer community overall could be a bit of a shit show at times. With exclusionists, TERFs and biphobes rampaging about. But getting the chance to talk to other trans people was incredible. Especially Bi trans people like herself. But despite that she still felt as though something was missing.

Janessa still felt distant and isolated despite the fact that she now had everything she wanted. It was like a dark black cloud had plagued her for all of her teenage years. Depression. It wasn't just due to being in the closet or not being able to be her true self. It was just there. Corrupting her brain and dragging her down into despair.

It was that same despair that had lead to her death. And when she was reborn as a member of the undead, at first she hadn't exactly been grateful. But in time she had found her footing. Music, therapy, a new community of downworlders who were diverse, powerful and brilliant. She moved from LA to basically all over with her band. All of these things helped Janessa re shape herself and her new life into something better. Something stronger.

But yet she still felt a little isolated at times. A little incomplete. Like she was waiting for something.

Fuck that sounded so pathetic. But it was true. Or at least it was true until a wayward mess of a shadowhunter had wandered into the bar Nessie and her band played regular gigs at, looking for information on a particular downworlder.

Janessa was not pleased. She knew she needed to get this asshole far away from her and her people.

Kit certainly had other ideas. It would not be the last time they disagreed on something.

But she had noticed something that day. Something in his eyes. That same lost look of despair she recognized in herself. This of course hadn't stopped her from calling him an angelic, inbred, self righteous asshole and he had thrown his head back and laughed.

Despite Nessie's better judgement, she had decided to trust him that day. He had complemented her t shirt which said "In my defense, I was provoked" and her leather jacket which had the trans symbol on the back with the Bisexual flag as the background.

So she had helped Kit with his mission that day, which turned out to be pretty harmless, which then led to hanging out at the park after dark and eating fast food on the balcony of Ciernworth. He asked her questions about her life and her unlife. He asked the questions that she usually got about hormones and discovering her gender identity, and less common questions about becoming a vampire. She in turn asked him questions about his past and his coming out. Her fate was sealed that day. Janessa just didnt want to admit it.

And now, several weeks later that shadowhunter she had chosen to trust was currently sobbing into her arms.

"Kit it's gonna be ok alright? Just take some deep breaths" Janessa cooed. She was running one of her hands through his blond curls, and another along his back attempting to soothe him.

Kit gasped for air against his sobs as he pressed his forehead closer to her neck. "I mean-. Nessie I just-" he gasped, unable to properly get the words out.

Janessa shook her head. "Shhh no it's ok" she reassured him. "Take your time."

It broke her heart to see Kit like this but all she could do was focus on helping him. Not once did it occur to Nessie that she currently had a live human being pressed up against her, viens full of rushing blood.

She rubbed his shoulders. Kit sighed and began to speak in a more calm tone. "It's just that when I gave Magnus the necklace to give to- you know to him, it brought all of those old feelings rushing back you know?"

Janessa sighed. Him was Tiberius Blackthorn. The boy that Kit was hopelessly in love with. The boy that had broken his heart.

Janessa was most certainly not a fan. Anyone who made her friend cry was instantly on her shit list. Nessie was more then a little protective of Kit but she couldn't help it. He was always getting himself into trouble. Like the other day, dealing with the Devon Vampire Clan which Nessie was kind of a part of now that she was living in Devon temporarily. Kit was picking her up from a meeting so they could get Midnight snacks and play video games at her place.

The Devon Clan was really not happy to see a Shadowhunter. They antagonized her over trusting one of the nephilum. They called her a traitor to her own people. Janessa personally thought they were being a little overly dramatic. It led to a fight that most definitely put the accords in jeopardy.

Janessa also discovered that day that she and Kit fought beautifully together. Almost like Parabatai.

Whoah. Where the fuck did that come from.

Janessa heard a light snore from below her. Kit had fallen asleep in her lap. She snorted fondly. The emotional labour of crying must have tired him out. She didn't really blame him for that. As Nessie stared down at him, this shadowhunter who had become so significant to her, she wondered if this was going to end badly for her.

She could hear the words of hundreds of downworlders echoing in her head, including her own. Shadowhunters can't be trusted. Shadowhunters are selfish. Shadowhunters hate downworlders. They don't believe we're worthy of life so why should we be nice to them? Fuck them all.

And all of that was what she firmly believed.

Kit snored again.

Well for the most part.

It wasn't like she was in love with him. That much she knew. The thought of kissing Kit or dating him or anything like that made her quesy. But the idea of holding him while he cried, or laughing at his jokes, or even staying here watching his chest rise and fall and relishing in the fact that yes, he is alive, that sounded perfect.

Janessa scooped her arms under Kit's body and pulled him up off of the floor. "Come on Kit-Kat" she muttered. "Let's get you to bed."

Kit moaned in protest but didn't try to fight her as she pulled him over to her bed. Nessie could only hope that Kit had told his parents where he would be. Kit smiled sleepily at her and opened his eyes.

"You're my best friend you know?" He murmered.

Janessa swallowed down a sob. "Really?" She asked, trying to keep her voice steady. "I've never had a best friend before."

Kit closed his eyes. He was probably nodding off again. "Me neither" he whispered. He probably didnt want to count Ty considering all of the romantic angst.

And in that moment Janessa made a choice. She made the decision to lay down next to him and relax. She made the decision to forgive him for things that were out of his control.

She leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to his temple. "You're my best friend too ok?" She said softly.

And when she saw the slightest of smiles appear on his face, Janessa made another decision as well.

She let herself love him.

Your heartbeat is disguised as mine.

My lullaby.

The song I used for this fic is Always be together by Little Mix.

[thestagthatlovedthewolf]

Parentdale Appreciation Week

Day 6 -  Favorite Dynamic

Fred Andrews, Alice Cooper and FP Jones!!

I want this group so much!!! This a relationship I definitely want to see and it’s something I always adore seeing in fics - I think they are just three people that would work so well together - they are so different and they have different methods, but they also all have such an ability to care and love!! I just really think they would balance and complement each other out.

Then I also already love the pairs we find here. We haven’t seen as much of Fred and Alice as I would want, but I LOVE the little times they share looks (like in the last episode), or how they care for each other as neighbors, or that sweet and soft moment in the flashback!!

Fred and FP is probably my favorite friendship in the entire show (and I see the possible romance there as well if it goes that route) - the way they protect each other and lean on each other!!! I LOVE that their relationship has healed (FP having Fred’s back on the scene with Hiram has to be one of my favorite scenes in the all show!!), but I wish we had seen more of how they rebuilt their trust on each other after the fallout. And still pissed they cut the scene where they ask to be each other’s sponsors, because that was beautiful and my heart broke ina million pieces.

Then, of course, FP and Alice!! I LOVE how we’re seeing them come to trust each other again, all because their kids came together and they got to see each other again :) I love all the complicated feelings from the past they had together and a reality Alice tried to hide from, and I always look forward to seeing how their relationship can move forward from here. 

But these three pairs is not enough, and I really want to see the friendship between this trio, and all of them having each other’s backs!!! So for today, I actually wrote a small drabble, mostly ignoring canon, because I don’t like the idea they interacted for the first time in detention, because FP and Alice, and FP and Fred (and consequently Fred and Alice) go way back... So enjoy some kid stuff!! [AO3]

Fred was tired of being left behind. Stupid FP and Alice were always doing that and it was not Fred's fault that they weren't neighbors - his stupid parents were the ones who bought the house here, instead of the Southside. His mom didn't even let him go there, she always said that FP and Alice should come over - they didn't mind (and Fred didn't either, really, but still...) - but he was mad that everyday they would come to school with stupid stories he wasn't a part of.

So tonight, after his parents checked on him and went to bed, Fred got up, arranged some pillows under the covers, like he had seen people do in the movies, and climbed out of his window, using the ladder he had smartly put under his window earlier that day. He climbed on his bike and started the ride across the town and river.

The town was quiet this late at night, and Fred didn’t like it. Not that he was scared, of course not, he was almost thirteen and he was not afraid of the dark - he was too grown up for that. But it still felt weird, the town seemed dead like this, so seeing the neon lights from Pops helped calm him down.

For some reason, after crossing the river, the silence was gone and he could see people everywhere, still moving around, and once again Fred felt weird - not scared, of course, he wasn’t a baby anymore.

He still remembered the way to the trailer park from the few times he had been over, only with his parents to pick one of his friends or both, but most times just FP, back before Alice joined them in middle school. But reaching the trailer park, he couldn’t tell which one was FP’s and he started questioning his decision, as adults and some older kids started yelling at him.

“Leave him alone, assholes,” he heard FP yell at a group of teens, running in his direction, but it didn’t stop them, as they started taunting him, and even using Junior, which he knew FP hated and had stopped using in 3rd grade.

“Fuck off,” Alice came right after, throwing the finger at the older kids, who still wouldn’t stop.

“Fred, what are you doing here?” FP asked.

“Why are you in your pajamas?” Fred couldn’t answer that, he couldn’t tell them he wanted this to feel like a sleepover and he had thought of them in their pajamas too.

“Who’s the baby, Junior?” someone yelled. “Another client for your mom, Smith?”

“Fuck off.”

“Watch your language, kid.”

“Leave them alone,” another voice said, it was a girl probably around 15 or 16, with brown hair, who seemed to hold authority over everybody else. “You okay, FP? Alice?”

“Yes,” he said.

“Yes,” Alice answered. “But I had it handled.”

“Of course. I’m sure you can kick all their butts,” she said coming closer. “Go on. I will keep your friend’s bike safe.”

“Thank you,” Fred said. “I’m Fred,” he said, offering his hand, before Alice was pulling on him.

“Let’s go.”

“Who’s she?”

“That’s Gladys. FP has a crush on her.”

“I do not.”

“You do.”

“I do not.”

“You do.”

“Shut up, Alice.”

“She seems nice,” Fred said, trying to diffuse the situation - he knew how these two got when they started arguing. “So what’s happening?”

“Nothing,” Alice answered at the same time as FP told him it was Serpent Business, and Alice kicked him again. He was brought to where they had been siting before, he could recognize their school books, only Alice’s. Fred now recognized FP’s trailer behind him, full of people inside.

“Why are you here, Fred?” she asked, pulling him between them. And no matter how he was taller than the two of them - something he felt very proud of - right now, between the two of them, he felt rather small.

“I don’t know. You just seemed to have fun and you had talked about hanging out tonight and I thought...”

“God, Fred,” Alice said, starting to laugh. 

“What’s going on?”

“It’s complicated,” FP answered, he was never good at explaining stuff and he could tell Alice didn’t want him to talk.

“Fred, we hang out, at midnight, because I can’t go home and FP can’t go home.”

“Why?”

“Because... because my mom is busy, and his dad is busy too.”

“When my parents are busy, I can just stay in my room or watch TV in the living room. I don’t get why you can’t do that.”

“Because we can’t, Fred,” FP said.

“So what do you do?”

“Most times, I try to do homework, while FP throws rocks at people or cars, until someone comes over and yells at us.”

“And when do you go to bed?”

“My mom is hopefully done around 1 am. FP will probably crash with me tonight.”

“Why? Does this happen every night?”

“Of course not,” she said.

“Would the Serpents be as lucky to get this kind of money every day...” FP murmured. “Once a month, maybe, if they are lucky. Once every two/three months is probably more correct.”

“But you have more stories.”

“Not this late. Do you know how late it is?”

“No, I was just waiting for my parents to go to bed and they took too long.”

“Come on. You should go home,” FP said. “I’m going to go get my bike.”

“Why do I need to go?”

“Because it’s late and you’re worrying your parents and I don’t want them to think FP and I are bad influences. FP would be inconsolable if he couldn’t see you.”

“I’m ready.”

“I’m taking the bike,” Alice said, taking the bike from his hands.

“No, it’s mine.”

“Penny has mine and I’m not going to ride in the back, FP. And I ride better than you.”

“You do not.”

“I do.”

“You do not.”

“I do.”

“You broke your arm riding a bike,” Fred pointed out, before they spent the rest of the night like this.

“I’ll let you go get Fred’s bike from Gladys.” That seemed to convince FP, as he went up to the older kids. “Keep guard over the bike, don’t let anyone take it, including FP. I’m just going to hide my books.”

Alice picked up her stuff and ran two trailers over - Fred guessed that was hers, it looked very much like FP’s. The garden at the front was a bit cleaner, but everything else was pretty much the same - it was just not as noisy as the Jones’ home.

“What took you so long?” FP asked as she joined them, she ignored him and got on his bike, as he took the seat on the back. 

Mom had told him it wasn’t safe for two people to ride on one bike, which was true, because he and Hal had still tried it when they were seven and Hal ended up with a scuffed elbow and his mom didn’t let him play outside for two full weeks. But FP and Alice were good at it and they didn’t fall one time.

Fred rode next to them, slowly, taking the longer path home, and they went along the town, making up stories about each house they passed, Riverdale, at least the Northside, was still quiet and deserted, but this time, with his best friends next to him, Fred didn’t feel even one bit scared - but of course, he wasn’t scared before either.

[kz-i-co]

Deal or No Deal: Part III

» Summary: You were falling more in love with Youngjae as he was falling further away.

» Pairing: Yoo Youngjae / Reader

» Genre: smut

» Words: 2.5k

» Part 1 | Part 2 ╫ Part 4

» m.list ╫ bap masterlist

If you thought going to a club was dangerous, it's even more dangerous going alone but that's what you did. You flirted with the first guy that hit on you, which you knew was wrong but he seemed clean and decent.

You were at rage and it was stupid. You went home with that guy and you did it. He was pretty drunk but you fooled around anyway. But what kills you was you didn't enjoy it. You didn't even have an orgasm. He was passed out beside you and you got up with tears marking your face.

You got dressed and made your way out of his apartment. You felt like shit and you wished none of this ever happened. You were in love with Youngjae and you didn't know what to do. You couldn't even have sex because your body wasn't having it.

The next day, you got a call from the guy at the club. He said he wanted to meet up again and you told him to delete your number and never contact him again. The sad thing was this was the first guy who wanted to see you again after sex but you didn't even do anything with him. He was drunk and took control while you laid there emotionless, throughout the whole thing.

"You Okay?" Soomin asked as she started breakfast. It was obvious you were crying last night from your makeup stained cheeks.

"I'm great, just a little sick that's all." And you went back to your room.

"We need to do something." She looked at her boyfriend. "I knew this was gonna happen and I warned her."

"Is there anyway for you to talk to Youngjae?" She continued.

"As much as I would love to, they need to figure this out themselves, trust me I know Youngjae has feelings for her to."

You were lying in bed watching Netflix for the rest of the day that before you know it, it was midnight.

You got a text message, lighting up the dark room. It was from Youngjae asking if you were up.

You responded from a simple yes and then he called you.

"What?" You answered.

"Can I crash at your place, my roommates are being pretty loud tonight."

No, please say no. "Whatever you want." You yawned.

"Are you going to be awake when I get there....(Y/N).....(Y/N)."

"What?" You woke up again.

"Stay awake." He said, then hung up.

The call almost seemed unreal from you being so tired that you were already passed out when he got there.

He climbed through your fire escape and smiled sweetly seeing you asleep. He crawled into bed with you wrapping his arms around you so you were snuggled up to his chest from behind.

....

When you woke up you felt the light snores coming from behind you. You lifted up his arm wrapped around you and turned around seeing Youngjae's beautiful sleeping face. You blushed thinking about how he snuck in here to sleep next to you. You ghosted your fingers over him, until he fluttered his eyes awake.

You quickly pulled your hand away cowardly. He smiled and closed his eyes once again, pulling you forward. You felt happy, but you knew it had to end again soon.

"Go back to sleep." He whispered.

"I cant." You giggled turning around to grab your phone. "Its almost 11."

"Who cares." He groaned, pulling you towards him again.

"You're so clingy in the morning, I almost forgot."

"You're clingy." He mumbled against your pillow.

You felt his hand wander down into your panties. "Youngjae.....what are you doing?" You smirked.

"Nothing." He yawned.

"It feels like something." His hand reached further causing your stomach to turn. His fingers were exploring you and then you felt him kissing your neck.

Why was this happening? Even though you were loving every minute of it.

You felt him suddenly stop. "Who's marks are these." He looked at your neck.

"What marks?" You turned around.

"These ones on your neck." You can sense him getting angry.

"(Y/N)?"

"Some guy at the club the other night." You withered.

"You had sex?" He got up.

"No." You lied. Honestly you wouldn't call it sex anyway.

He arched his eyebrows at you not believing.

"I didn't enjoy it, he was some drunk asshole." He pursed his lips. "Why are you getting so angry?"

"I'm not angry." His face quickly softened. "I just want you to be careful, that's the purpose of our no sex after the first date rule."

"Okay, I will obey to the rules." Liar.

"Okay." He started crawling out your window.

"Where are you going?" You asked.

"I have to go home and shower." He spoke.

"You can shower here."

He looked at you with sadness. "I have another date tonight."

Another sharp knife, cutting through your core. "Oh, I get it."

"It's not serious yet." He lied, almost like he can read your mind.

"Oh ok."

"I'll see you later." He left.

You couldn't keep lying to yourself. You felt like you were falling into a deeper depression and you felt like shit. "Hey (Y/N), you Okay? You looked pretty out of it today."

A fellow teacher came into the cafe behind you. "I'm fine Chanhee." You sweetly smiled.

"If you need anyone to talk to, I'm here." He was about to walk past you but you stopped him.

"Actually, do you want to go out some time, like for a drink?" You needed to get over Youngjae and not with some asshole from a club that is drunk half the time.

"You asking me out on a date?" He teased.

"Maybe?" You shrugged.

"I don't date my coworkers." You felt embarrassed immediately. "But I'll make an exception."

"Asshole." You pushed him. "You almost made me regret my whole existence."

He laughed. "Sorry.....I'll see you later?"

"Why are you getting dress up?" Soomin winked.

"I have a date." You smiled for the first time in a few days.

"You told Youngjae how you felt." She got excited.

"No, I decided to go another path."

"But what about-"

"I can't Soomin, he seems happy with his new date so I'm not going to get in the way, I never wanted this to happen and I should have listened to you, I'm sorry Soomin." You grabbed your bag and made your way out the door.

"But (Y/N)-" You already left. "He's in love with you to."

"Why can't these idiots see they are meant for each other." She looked at her boyfriend.

"Hey." You saw Chanhee already seated on the pier.

"I ordered already." He smiled sliding your drink over. "You look nice."

You were dressed causal but clean. "Thank you."

"You actually came." You giggled.

"You thought I wasn't gonna show?" He looked at you amused.

"I don't know, we never really spoke to each other, and we've worked with each other for-"

"2 years." He finished.

"Yeah."

"Maybe because I thought you were weird." He smiled.

"Me? Weird. How?" You challenge.

"You eat pizza with a knife and fork...that's weird."

"I don't like my hands getting dirty." You laughed.

"That's what sinks were invented for."

"Shut up, I only do it at school." You blushed.

"This was my favorite place as a kid." Leeyoung snuggled up against Youngjae's arm.

"It's.....lovely." He wasn't sure what to say.

"And my dad used to take me-" She was talking as Youngjae was zoning out, looking around the pier.

Then his eyes made contact with you. You were laughing and smiling with your date. He noticed how happy you looked and it struck him. He felt an urge of sadness.

"Hey, you alive?" Leeyoung poked him.

"Yeah, I just have a headache."

"You want to leave?" She asked. "Come on." She started dragging him in the opposite direction and you locked eyes with him. He quickly turned away and you just brushed it off.

Maybe he thought you were someone else.

Leeyoung didn't live too far and as soon as they entered her apartment, she was already quick to give Youngjae medicine.

"I'm okay." He declined. He didn't really have a headache he just didn't want to be there anymore.

"You sure?" He nodded.

"How can I make you feel better then?" She flirted getting on top of his lap, already kissing up and down his neck.

He honestly wasn't feeling it. He couldn't get you out of his mind. He felt selfish. He hated seeing you so happy even though he has been dating Leeyoung quite some time now.

"Youngjae, what's wrong?" She leaned up.

"Nothing." He lied.

"I'm confused because you act like you like me but you won't touch me." She bit her lip. "You already proved to me that you are a gentleman."

"I want this, how much do I have to beg?" She started undoing his belt.

He felt the best option was to have you leave his mind. You seemed to be happy and he didnt want to ruin that. He leaned forward kissing Leeyoung and pushed her down so she was lying on the couch with him on top. Her fingers were pushy, making their way into his jeans.

"Don't be gentle." She whispered.

"You alright?" He looked in the direction you were looking. "Yeah, I just thought I saw a familiar face."

You sipped your drink.

"Hey, come on." He grabbed your hand leading you to one of the arcades on the pier. "I'm going to whoop your ass in air hockey."

You smiled brightly. "Is that so?"

"Oh yeah."

"Bring it." You got ready and the game began to play.

....

"No wonder you're a gym teacher, big dork." You laughed. He won the game only one point ahead of you.

"Hey, nothing wrong with that...you're considered a nerd for being a science teacher."

"Am not." You pushed him.

"Are too." He laughed.

You stopped in front of the nearest bus stop. "I guess, I'll see you at school." You smiled.

"I can drive you home." He offered.

"You sure?"

"Of course." He smiled.

....

"Thank you." You smiled.

"I'll see you Monday." You stared at him for a second. You were curious with yourself. You had a great time with Chanhee and you were curious if you can be happy with him. You just needed to test it.

You leaned forward and caressed his cheek. You worked your lips against his. You pulled away seeing him look at you shocked.

"I'm sorry-"

He leaned forward bringing his lips to yours this time. He responded with yours gently and slowly.

The kiss began to get deeper and deeper and you sadly felt nothing. You liked him but he wasn't the one. He wasn't the one you wanted.

"I'm sorry." You moved away.

"No I'm sorry, this is probably happening too fast." He looked at you concerned.

"It's fine, but maybe a little too fast." You smiled. "I'll see you later."

Then you left.

When you got to your apartment, it seemed too quiet. Soomin's car was there so you figured she must be asleep already.

When you went to your room, you almost screamed once you turned on your light switch.

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

"Waiting for you." Youngjae sat up on your bed.

"You're just gonna show up whenever you want now." You arched your eyebrows.

"Remember when I said I always need you." You nodded. "Can that be tonight?"

He tilted his head cutely, like some puppy begging for food.

"Are you up for another lesson?" There he goes again, causing the butterflies to twist your stomach.

"For you or me?"

He just shrugged coming closer to you. "What are we Youngjae? Friends with benefits now?"

He was standing right in front of you. So close you felt like you couldn't breath. "I just really need you (Y/N)." He almost seemed broken.

Then everything was happening so fast. He had you pinned to your bed, practically ripping off your clothes. He went down kissing every inch of your body until he reach your most sensitive area. He passed through licking and went straight to sucking striking pleasure to stir up quickly.

"Fuck." You couldn't help but moan. He has never been so desperate for you since you started sleeping together. He was usually slow and steady but he was needy.

He moved back up removing his own clothes and kissed you sweetly. Your hands traveled down his toned body reaching inside his briefs.

He moaned against your ear as you stroked up his harden member. You pushed him up so he was leaning on his knees. You pulled his briefs down and grabbed his length kissing the red tip. You loved the sound that escaped his mouth as you started to lick down his area. You couldn't help but smirk from the thought that you were in control. You made your way back up to the tip leaning your head forward to take him fully into your mouth. You bobbed your head sucking every inch of his throbbing member.

He tilted his head back enjoying the pleasure you were giving. "(Y/N), I'm not going to last."

You smirked pulling away and he pushed you down guiding his member to your entrance.

He rocked his hips back and forth taking in the pleasure that you desperately needed. He grabbed a hold of your hips moving you against him quicker then you can handle. He went a step further and lifted your right leg up onto his left shoulder to deepen the angle.

You felt your toes go numb as your orgasm immerse quickly throughout your body. You squeezed your eyes shut trying to pass through the feeling. Youngjae's pace slowed down immensely as you felt him jerk his liquid into you. He kissed you passionately before he collapsed on the bed next to you.

You felt every emotion cycle through you. Happiness, confusion, anger, despair.

"Why did you come? What happened to your date?"

He looked at you confused. "I saw you Youngjae."

"It was fine, I just needed to see you." He had a slight smile.

"Why?"

"I don't know, because I feel comfortable around you."

"But why all this Youngjae. You can't just come in here and fuck me, and go back to your girlfriend tomorrow....you're making me more confused I can't keep living like this." You felt your eyes get watery.

He got up and started getting dressed. "You're the one who came to me remember." He said with attitude.

"I came for your help, I wasn't expecting all this."

"Your right, I'm sorry for coming over." He made his way to your window.

"Youngjae wait-"

"It's fine (Y/N), it doesn't mean anything, it's just a lesson." He looked at you with sadness in his eyes.

"Please don't-"

"It's for the best, you found someone and I found someone, like we wanted."

No, it's not what you wanted. You want him.

[theres-no-paradise]

Sorry not Sorry

Chapter 9 

Summary:  A random number wakes you up early on a Saturday morning. But it doesn't stop there. The stranger keeps on sending messages, and you have no idea what is happening, when you start to develop feelings for the unknown person.

Pairings: Tom Holland  x Reader [submit your name: How it works]

Y/N your Name

Word Count:  1415

Warnings: none

A/N: Sorry for the late update. This is more like a filler chapter, with the next one, the main part of the story will start, so we are working ourselves into the plot now! I hope you still like this little short update. :)

Chapter 1  •  Chapter 2  •  Chapter 3  •  Chapter 4  •  Chapter 5  •  Chapter 6  •  Chapter 7  •  Chapter 8 Chapter 10

A few days have passed since Tom had left the country and you were sitting on your sofa, home alone, staring at the little rectangular device on your table. You knew, he was busy filming this new film he had mentioned before during one of your conversations. It excited you a lot, thinking about it but there was also this weird longing inside you. A little twitch in your chest, that always appeared when you thought about Montreal and how far it was away from London. How far away he was. You grabbed your phone and opened the messenger, typing in a quick message for Tom.

You: How’s Montreal?

Once you pressed the send button, you stared a little while on the screen until it automatically turned black. A frustrated groan escaped your lips as you threw yourself backwards on the sofa. It was late in London so it must've been sometime after Lunch in Canada. Maybe Tom had a little break or day off, who knew but you hoped for an answer soon.

It felt like ages and it was close to midnight when your smartphone vibrated and indicated a new message. Tired and a little groggy you got hold of the device and checked out the message, that was shown on the screen. You sighed and rubbed your eyes from the bright light that was irritating your them before you got to read the message.

The Spiderman: Really loving it so far. How have you been?

You: Glad to hear! I’m tired.  And drowning in paperwork. I’d love to burn down my office at some point.

That was true. Work has been very exhausting the past few days and you had to work overtime most days. It was good on one side because it made you think less about Tom. On the other it still didn't matter because even if you had one single thought about him, you knew you missed him. A lot. It was too early to admit though, so you kept quiet about it and tried to avoid this topic at any cost.

The Spiderman: Someone needs holidays

You: not affordable lol

The Spiderman: You can have Tessa. She’s a great Stress relief and that's basically like holidays too :)

Did he really just write that? Did Thomas Stanley Holland offer you to have his dog for stress relief? You sat up in your bed as your re-read the message out loud. You weren't imagining this message but yet you still repeated what he wrote, just in case there could be a misunderstanding.

You: You'd actually allow me to have Tess? Like for real?

The Spiderman: I saw you two together. I trust you with her.

You: You're crazy!

The Spiderman: Well, I tried to help

It seemed that he really meant it but you didn't feel comfortable, having a dog in your apartment that you only met once. It was also unclear if there were dogs allowed on this property anyway, you needed to check that out for sure.

You: If my stress level rises even more, I’ll get back at your offer

The Spiderman: Sure thing! Any Plans tonight?

You laughed at his question as you made yourself comfortable on your bed once again.

You: Nah, just staying in, binge watching Stranger Things

‘And thinking about you’, you thought, but didn't write. It was awful how fast this boy had you curled around his finger even though you tried to tell yourself, that it needed to develop slowly. That was definitely the opposite of careful and slow but whenever you talked to him, you couldn't care less.

The Spiderman: Sounds fun. I’d love to join

And there it was again. The little attempt of Tom flirting with you.

You: I don't think you'd enjoy watching with me

The Spiderman: aww don't say that. I bet I would!

You: I’ll let you try it once

The Spiderman: Promise?

You: Promise.

And after that, you fell asleep peacefully in your sheets, the TV still on in the background.

The Spiderman: I’m bored. Entertain me

You were surprised when you heard your phone buzz as Toms message appeared on the Screen. You didn't expect him to message you so quick after the other night, since its only been a couple of days. Of course your exchange of messages got less than in the beginning but that was only because the two of you were busy working and the time difference didnt make it easy on you either.

You: Got nothing to do?

You messaged back, as you got into the train that’d take you back home from work.

The Spiderman: Sitting around and getting makeup done

You: lol your ugly ass needs makeup

You imagined Tom sitting still in a chair with a woman standing next to him, plastering all kinds of colour on his face to make him look suitable for his role. You giggled at the thought and reacted to the next message, that came in just before arriving at your destination.

The Spiderman: I need to look beat up lmao

You: Don't you always look like that?

There was no response until you got home. At first you thought he might be mad at you but his countermessage made you laugh out loud and you were pretty sure, that Tom was smiling as well.

The Spiderman: Well, I might look beat up but at least I'm no babyface grandma!

You: But even when I'm 50 I’ll still look like 30, So i've got that goin’ for me

The Spiderman: True though. A real keeper

You: Go away

The Spiderman: :)

Groaning, you put your phone back on the table. How was it even possible, that this guy made you laugh so easy? You shook your head in disbelief about Tom's words. Keeper. He said you’re a keeper but did he really mean it that way? ‘Stop Overthinking!’, you scolded yourself but it didn't help. You got this warm fuzzy feeling inside of you and liked it. You started to like the way Tom made you feel and the anxiety about the thought of you two dating started to fade.

It was the middle of the week and you were utterly bored when you arrived back home from work. Not knowing what to do with your time, you grabbed your laptop and started to surf the internet. You went from News sites to Facebook, checked out Twitter and at last you found yourself checking out videos on Youtube. Then something kinda hit you and you typed in Toms Name in the Search bar. ‘Okay, lets see what happens’ you thought, as you pressed the enter tab on your keyboard.

Many videos of Tom in different interviews popped up and you watched through some of them, smiling like a donkey in love. After you’ve seen a few, something else popped into your eyes and with a curious look you clicked the video. You had no idea what would come up next.

You: You have my heart and we'll never be worlds apart

The Spiderman: ??

You: Maybe in magazines, but you'll still be my star

The Spiderman: Oh no …

You: Baby, 'cause in the dark

The Spiderman: Stop

You: You can't see shiny cars

The Spiderman: I got it

You: And that's when you need me there

The Spiderman: This is hilarious

You: With you I'll always share BECAUSE

The Spiderman: I'm gonna block your number lol

You: When the sun shines, we shine together Told you I'll be here forever Said I'll always be your friend Took an oath that I'm a stick it out till the end

The Spiderman: You've seen the lip sync … I got it

You: You can stand under my umbrella, ella, ella, EH, EH, EH

The Spiderman: Are you finished?

You: I pissed myself watching it

The Spiderman: Would've loved to see your reaction :D

You: How did you do that?

The Spiderman: What do you mean?

You: The dancing!! Where did you learn to perform like that??

The Spiderman: Uhh, I went to classes and been in a musical? Lmao

You: What are you even??

The Spiderman: :D

You: No seriously. You're unreal. Some Alien or what not

The Spiderman: I can teach you some stuff if you want

You: Nah, I'm a potato. I'm not even able to stand next to you without tripping.

The Spiderman: Noo you’d do great. I'm a good teacher

You: I bet you are

The Spiderman: ;)

Taglist: @hollandorks  @beardedsteveslut @ilivefortomholland @casualprincess77 @agirlwithpointlessideas @isabellamozarella03 @MENDES-HOLLAND @thiswildfire @wastedheartnat @hollandbaby @moonofmy-life @smileylaurens @random-fandom-lady @heartoftheadventure @blackazkaban @augurydemon @homecomjng @punkass-potato @unfoldingdaydreams @thefriendlyneighborhoodspidey @rivedale @tiffanypooh@claraholland

[thedappleddragon]

whoopsie doodle I skipped a day again because I got sleepy lol. basically I played a lot of dont starve and got to day like 96. I got to split a frozen pasta pan thingy with my sister and it was SO good. later in the day I drove with my dad and sister to the mall and we ate at For’d Garage, which is a very heavily car themes restaurant. it was pretty cool and everything was fun to look at and the bathroom sinks were tires and all the door handles were gas pumps. it was really funny :) I got a burger which was pretty ok, but they put an egg on it and I know I asked for it runny but it was too runny and made a mess. they had good house fries and AMAZING fried pickles, and their Mac n cheese is super rich. 8/10 pretty good, would go again if I wasn't the one paying for it since it was all kinda expensive. before we left I put on a little mascara and felt pretty :) I tried eyeliner too but that shit is hard to make look not terrible, especially since it was 1) an eyeliner pencil and not liquid and 2) the pencil was blunt anyway. I also tried cuffing my jeans since that pair is too short but not short enough to look intentional but idk if it looked good. 

today I played a little more dont starve, but the main event of the day was trying to make candied lemons. I just took one cup water one cup sugar and one sliced lemon and let it simmer for about 45 minutes? idk I didnt set a timer. so I ended up wit about 10 candies lemon slices and a bunch of golden syrup, which is a thing in England I think. the slices weren't that great at first, but after drying/sitting out for a few hours they were better. I think it’s because the syrup left on them soaked into the rinds and improved the texture. if I make it again some time, I think I'll let the mixture simmer for longer so 1) the lemon rinds get sifter and 2) the syrup will boil down more to be thicker, sweeter, and more lemony. what was really cool was the sugar building up on the sides of the pan and turning into more of a chewy candy consistency. i’f totally try to turn a whole batch into that if I wasn't afraid of burning it all and ruining the pan. if anyone can think of uses for golden syrup i’l love to hear them. after they were done cooking I drove my sister to work and made my mom panic/cry because I'm a bad driver. we picked up a salad and pizza and I ate a bunch of salad. oh!! ive also started an experiment to try and get my cat to hang out in my room again! I tried feeding her in my room twice today to associate my room with food and pets and general good vibes. I think if I keep it up consistently for a few days she’ll learn to hang out in here? hopefully. I know all she wants is to lay down in someone’s warm lap and get pets but I dont like hanging out on the couch in the living room, and she only ever stays in the kitchen/living room. (it’s one big space kind of) I made a tiktok with my furby, Daisy. then someone sent a link to a tiktok that was just, the ENTIRE sponge bob movie. I dont know how they broke tiktok but they did and YES I watched the entire movie. a coupe friends were watching at the same time so we would text quotes to update where we were in the movie and it was a fun time :) I took a shower and washed my hair and just kinda chilled. my sister brought home a new desert her work was selling and it was pretty good. unfortunately they named it “sam’s tasted balls” and just. WHY. it was chocolate and coconut and maybe some penuts? and some sort of cracker. I'd eat another one. then at midnight/12:30ish I walked past my mom’s room and she asked for help saying she wasn't doing good mentally. she was recovering from a flashback of something and needed help grounding and coming out of it so I sat down and talked with her a little bit and told her that I understood what was going on. I handed her the little white dog stuffy I made her for Christmas, because I knew it would be a good grounding tool with it’s soft fur and peppermint scented rice in the paws/ears. I think it also reminds her of the dog we’re gonna get eventually. she’s on the waiting list for a westie from a small breeder and she’s gonna name it Wilson. we shared lemon slices until she was feeling a little better and I went to lay down in my room. 

[dovechim]

I fell asleep last night I'm sorry askdjalk. I'm here now! Without further ado, let me begin - Long Story Anon

Okay. It was around February last year, when my friends told me we should go out to the club, because it had been ages since we all went out together, so I agreed. The night had started like shit for me: the second I stepped out of the cab, one of my shoes broke; the strap detached from the sole and my heel was shaking trying to keep myself balanced before we even got into the damn club! I told my friends maybe I should just leave but they insisted I stayed for at least a little bit, so I did.

Luckily they let us through the door quickly so I had to hold onto one of my friends' hand so I would end up sprawled on the nasty floor as we went down the stairs. The night was pretty uneventful, we were having a great time and one moment I spot a guy in the crowd. It was the weirdest thing, I didn't know where I knew him from, or even if I knew him, but he caught my eye and he looked damn familiar so I couldn't help but stare a little bit. I told my friend "Look at that guy, he's cute" ☆2

She turned around and agreed, and we just kept dancing like nothing happened. Not too long after, I was still dancing and see this guy in question approaching me. I'm not really used to guys I find attractive being the first ones to make a move, not to mention I wasn't dressed the most according that nights. In fact I was wearing a dress down to the knee as opposed to most of the girls wearing sexy af outfits all around me. So I hesitated at first, not sure of what exactly he really wanted ☆3

He then moved rather close and my friends looked at me with wide eyes, as in 'lucky bitch' lol, and asked me to dance. I usually say no, most guys in the club in my experience are assholes and after all I was just there to have fun with my friends, but considering I had taken an interest before, I agreed. Turns out he was quite really fucking drunk lol. He wanted to make out the second I said yes and I'm not really comfortable with that so I kept moving my head away and he'd only kiss my cheek☆4

omg :-( im terribly intimidated by drunk guys!!!!!

He asked my name and I asked his, it didn't ring a bell but I asked if we knew each other and he said no. I tried to dance decently with a broken shoe and as if it wasn't hard enough, his hands on the curve of my back kept moving down, he wanted pretty stubbornly to touch my butt, which I wasn't comfortable with. I looked at my friends and asked to be saved but they just, oblivious, thumbed up and continued with their own dancing, so I told this guy to stop. I wanted to leave and he let me go ☆5

ahhhh shit ur friends tho!!!! i would have been a right mess in ur situation lmao but i totally relate to the not wearing revealing things part!! i usually dont really go to clubs but when i do the most (or least lol) i’ll wear is like a crop top and a skirt. 

He whined a bit but was respectful with my decission, still stuck around a little bit to see if I changed my mind but I didn't. He'd ask my friends "why is she so mean" and they just laughed it off. For a drunk stranger he was rather sweet honestly, in his state he even charmed my friends. Eventually he got tired and left, walking past a couple of times going to buy more drinks but we didn't interact any more that night. When the party was over I saw him again, turns out he'd gone there with ☆ 6

A guy I'd gone to high school with, but it was dawn already and my friends were tired, my foot hurt from trying to keep my shoe on despite it being broken so we just walked to a cab and he didnt even look my way as I walked by. In the cab I told my friends about the ass grabbing, which I'm not gonna lie, I liked lol but I just didn't feel like it was the right place for that and they apologized, saying they thought I really wanted to dance with him and that's why they didn't pull me out ☆ 7

I stayed at my friends' house afterwards, and didn't give this guy much thought for a while. The next weekend me and one of the friends' I'd gone with the Friday before, had a birthday party which we attended. By the time I got home I recieved an instagram request from, you guessed, ass touching guy! I had no idea how he found me, or my name or my account, but he did and I accepted. Turns out as opposed to what usally happens, he was way cuter with better lighting than he looked that night ☆ 8

He messaged me shortly after, and it's been a while so I don't really remember the details of that first conversation but he said that whole night is a blur, but someone told him he'd made out with a girl that night and he went through hell to be able to find out what my name was. Now, is it the most romantic way of meeting someone? No, but men usually don't even bother giving you a second look so the fact that he even ASKED about me was new to me. He invited me to the movies that friday ☆ 9

gahhhhh this is so cute! i would have dismissed the night bc it didnt seem to end that well, but the fact that he remembered even after he was drunk is so sweet!!! and agreed lmao meeting someone at a club isn't my ideal way to start a rs :”)

And I usually, being an extremely shy person, come up with excuses to get out of having to say yes. But he seemed really sweet so I agreed. He said he'd pick me up at home, which was again something very new, as most guys my age aren't that chivalrous lol and idk I just had a good feeling about him. I'd been single for over 20 years, virgin, never in a relationship, tbh I felt like it was about time I stepped out of my comfort zone ☆ 10

We discovered we were in the same classes in uni, majoring in the same thing! We probably crossed paths hundreds of times and didn't even notice each other (but I knew he seemed familiar!), he told me it was pretty lucky that he got to find out my name: a girl from his HS happened to be there that night, who happened to know one of the girls in my group of friends whom I hadn't gone out with in TWO YEARS, so she told this girl my name and she told him and that's how he found me ☆ 11

Never have I had such a perfect first date. We were both freezing in the movies, he tried not smoothly at all to put his arm around me to keep each other warm; he offered to pay for everything against my complaints so for dinner I ordered some coffee and fries which he found gross. It was past midnight when we left the theater so he asked if I wanted some drinks, neither of us clearly wanting to leave each other just yet, so I agreed. He took me to a magical place with fairy lights ☆ 12

A bar that had tables amongst trees in a 'backyard'. We talked about his family, about mine, about our career, about so many things I was having a hard time keeping count. I would fall for him harder with every passing second; I felt like I was in a movie! Soon, it was past three in the morning and I found myself not wanting to let go of him yet, and that never, NEVER happens to me. He was such a gentleman he put film love interests to shame... ☆ 13

He'd open every door, pull out my chair, keep a respectable distance and many other little things I'm not sure he was aware of, but were the first of many things that would make me fall in love with him so fast I wouldn't even know what hit me. I made clear at one point that we hadn't kissed that night we met, I just don't really do that at all and he apologized for his behavior, telling me he'd went out to celebrate a milestone with his friends and drank way too much ☆ 14

He usually never drinks so heavily, or even goes out partying, let alone that one place, but one of his friends knew the door man so we both went to the same club. It all seemed so perfectly designed? So many coincidences could be count for it to be, you know...a mere coincidence. In that moment, and bear with me bc I know it's lame, it felt like it was destiny that we met each other that night. He was as perfect as they come and I knew that first night I'd already lost. I was falling for him☆15

If you want me to give you some character background I'm the most skeptical little shit. Yes I enjoy love stories but I'm damn convinced love isn't real. People just feel lust for each other, but love? Nah man, that doesn't exist. Yet with only one date this guy had changed my entire mind set and I just KNEW he was going to be the end of me. But for some reason, knowing with such intensity I'd end up hurt, I decided to let myself fall hopelessly for him ☆ 16

He, and I wasnt really surprised, asked if I wanted to go to his place after we left the bar. I couldn't blame him, the sexual tension was unbearable through the whole night, and if I wasn't this unexperienced I would've said yes without hesitation. But I didn't want to ruin everything being incredibly disapointing after the 1ST DATE. Not to mention we hadn't even kissed yet. So asked if he could just take me home and he said yes. He parked in front of my house and we sat there in the dark ☆ 17

The soft music playing from the stereo, and I forgot to mention: his taste in music was flawless; yet another detail I loved him for. We were saying our goodbyes and I wanted really bad for him to lean in and kiss me, but he didn't and I didn't either. Not wanting for it to be too awkward, I just quickly kissed his cheek and stepped out of the car. I didn't even have to look to know he was disappointed. I knew I was. He waited until I got in, to know I was safe and then he drove off ☆ 18

I was walking on clouds. I had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming. He'd been too perfect, the whole night had been perfect! But we didn't even kiss. So I went to bed, and checked my phone to realize he'd texted me the second he pulled out of the driveway. "You left too fast" He said. I squealed, we flirted, hinting at wanting to kiss the next time. THE NEXT TIME! I couldn't believe it. I had to be dreaming. That night I fell asleep the happiest I'd been in a while ☆ 19

i am so so so in love with your story up to this point but why do i feel scared??? :”( i vaguely recall that you told me your story didnt have a happy ending in one of your first asks right?? right now im just hoping i remembered wrongly and you guys are still together :-( it sounds so so so magical and i can relate to the not believing in love part!!! he seems really sweet when i would have been put off by his drunk behaviour lmao but im glad he wasn't like that!!

[spitelout]

As that makes sense, thank you for answering my questions! => Hmm this one might be a weird one but if when the gang have a run in with a new dragon who's breath has the ability to de-age anything it touches for a limited amount of time, how would Spitelout react to his son conning back a toddler again and staying that way for a few days? Espicially if his now toddler son would want/need his attention so often?

He would be unbelieving at first, then angry, it would probably take him a bit to realize Baby Snotlout doesn’t have his memory intact, hes just a baby again….Then he would fall right back into his old dad ways, making silly noises while trying to teach him how to use his bludgeon properly all over.

Because what greater pride is there in the Jorgensen family than to train the young to be just as good as their parents =3

He probably isn’t the most responsible parent, however. I mean…neither was Stoick, they both gave their children deadly weapons as their first gifts.

He was probably rougher than most people, I can see him putting Snotlout with Terrible Terrors to make them play fight and then beaming with pride over any scars the toddler might receive in the tussle.However, I can also see him reassuring the toddler as they cry that this is a good thing, that they will grow into a strong warrior and be able to tell the tale of when they beat a dragon as a baby. (In fact, I think thats where the idea of Stoick killing a dragon with his bare hands as a baby came from…exaggerated scar stories. It probably happened about the same way….with a Terrible Terror.)

Tbh, if such an event occurred, Hookfang would probably have to take over caring for the reborn Snotlout because I just dont believe Spitelout is capable of being a responsible adult with babies, he doesn’t understand how fragile they ARE compared to what they CAN BE.He, among other vikings in the tribe, were probably the type to put several babies in a ring and watch them fight.Vikings are communal - even in parenting, so its possible he often left Snotlout with anyone willing to watch him….The twins parents come to mind - which is probably why they spend so much time together as teens as well, they were raised together.However, its possible Snotllouts mother died later in his life and she raised him until he was able to walk and follow his father around. Perhaps she raised the tins as well - they do mention they’re orphans, but -shrugs- their pasts are pretty clouded in mystery too.

Unfortunately, with this in mind, the twins would probably convince Spitelout to let them watch baby Snotlout for a bit and…I think we can all guess how that would go.

Lets just hope Hookfang isn’t affected by this as well, bc that baby is going to need a guardian angel - especially a five ton angel of fangs and flame

Also , since your ask was so specific, heres a sorta drabble based around it.

————————————————————————

There are few things that can surprise Spitelout these days, very few, but as the small viking - no, chieftain, Hiccup, stood awkwardly before him, he found himself at a loss. Hiccup was always presenting the tribe with surprises, and now, it seemed, he was presenting a very personal one to him.

Curious, and perhaps a bit bemused by the awkward chieftains shuffling he began the conversation, “What brings the chief of Berk to my door today?”

Hiccup scratched the back of his neck as he looked between the ground and Spitelouts gaze, “Uuuuuuh,” He took a deep breath and let it out, “Spitelout…” There was something heavy on his mind and he didn’t seem to know how to get it out.

“Yes, I am he. go on, boyyo.”

“While we were out exploring the islands, we encountered a dragon we had never seen before, it was amazing, it was - - ” Hiccup never had been the best at getting to the point, but Spitelout let him ramble; the lad really liked his tales, Stoick had too….

Luckily, Astrid stepped in, ah, what a great lass, always straight to the point. “What hes trying to say is, we found a new dragon and Snotlout being Snotlout, well,…” she trailed off, biting her lip as she held out a tightly wrapped bundle towards him, a Snotlouts helm delicately placed atop it.

Spitelout felt his brow furrow as his gaze trailed down to the bundle. There was a tightness in his chest that he refused to acknowledge. Had his boy really gotten himself-

He glanced up as Snotlouts Monstrous Nightmare waddled into view, it seemed anxious, but not particularly upset. Strange, that.

He became plagued with wary curiosity.

“Hes a bit…shorter than when we left this morning,” Astrid continued at last, a light chuckle in her voice,

He took the bundle in one burly hand and gingerly unwrapped it with the other.

He looked back up at the pair, who continued to watch him warily and awkwardly at the same time, he furrowed his brows deeper, trying to decipher what sort of game or joke they were playing at. He looked to them fr answers.

“Spitelout, this- this is your son.”

Spitelout chuckled heartily,  it was just some game they were playing, strange, he always assumed they were different from the twins. “I only ave the one, boyyo, don’t think I could handle anotha.”

“No, Spitelout, that is - this is Snotlout.” Hiccup insisted. “the dragon he battled had this strange…” he struggled to find words, “venom, I guess is the best word for it, that, when inhaled, reverses the aging process and turns people back into younger versions of themselves.”

Spitelout critically searched their faces for the lie, then stared down at the child in his hands, it looked back at him with familiar grey eyes.

“Gothi says theres a cure, but we have to find all the parts.” Hiccup hesitated, choosing his words carefully. “Until then, you need to take care of him…”

“Alrigh, Ill play your lil game, ” he sighed good-heartedly. He found it hard to believe such a thing could really happen, “But if ye needed  babysitta, all ye had to do was ask.”

Hiccup began to protest, but Astrid stopped him, pulling him away with one last wary glance behind her and leading him to their dragons.

Spitelout shook his head as their shadows vanished in the horizon, it seemed the pair still had a ways to go before they became parents of their own. He looked back down at the child and wiggled his fingers near their face making silly noises as he did so. The child gripped his fingers tightly, and a seed of doubt entered his mind.

—————

He was angry at first, pacing the room as the Monstrous Nightmare coiled itself around the child and watched him carefully he didn’t doubt that the thing would light the entire archipelago on fire just to protect Snotlout, but he wasn’t concerned by its low rumble.

“Ow could you go an be so brash!” he scolded loudly, “I ave told yew time and time again, ye cant jus rush in blind!”

“Now, Look at ye! Reduced to - to this! Well I ave news fer yew, Im not changing that diaper. Yew can change it yerself!”

The child sniffled, a cry beginning to bark from their throat.

“Oh don’t start yer cryin, Ive told ye about this before. Were Jorgensens! We don’t cry! We make other people cry!”  he tried to sound harsh, but there was a softness edging into his voice as tears streamed down the childs face.

The Monstrous Nightmare was growling now, a full fledged snarl that bared every single dagger-point fang in his head.

“Oi don’t ye start! Where were yewwhen this happened anyway?”

The dragon bulked at the accusation and simmered back into a low rumble.

Spitelout sighed as the childs screams ripped through his home. He wasn’t angry, he was frustrated, frustrated at himself.

Freya help him, he couldn’t raise a child alone.

Ignoring the dragon he plucked Snotlout from its coils and sang him the Jorgensen lullaby.

————————————————–

“its just wee scratch,” he reassured his son as the toddler screeched and flailed away from the terrible Terror. “Hopefully it will scar and then yewll have a story to tell when ye get older!”

The baby sniffled unconvinced, but curious. 

“Ye can tell em you got it grappling a berserker who tried ta kidnap the prodigy of the Jorgensens!”

The baby lit up as his father articulated this cheerily with his hands.

“But no one kin take a Jorgensen from the place he calls home, no one!”

————————————————————————

He was happy to play father again, really he was, up until day three had passed and neither Astrid nor Hiccup had returned.

He was a busy man, incredibly busy, and also incredibly tired.

Did babies normally cry this much?

Spitelout did his best to comfort the babe, but it didnt seem Snotlout understood how great it was to be a Jorgensen, couldn’t see what a great warrior he would be one day….had been….

———————————————

There was a ruckus upstairs, a series of dragon shrieks and the smell of burning wood. There were startled screams and the screams of a woken baby.

Spitelout rushed upstairs, ax at the ready as he prepared to defend his son.

the screaming stopped when he got halfway up, the house became eerily quiet, and chill went through him followed by a burning in his gut. Whatever was up there better have prayed to whatever god they believed in that no harm had come to his son.

Voices reached his ears, soft but with an annoying edge to it, the twins.

“Hes so cute now that he cant hit us~” Tuffnut purred as he let the small Snotlout play with his braids.

“Yea, and now that he cant talk!” Ruffnut laughed.

“Oh, hey, Spitey” Tuffnut noted blankly, unapologetic in the damage they had caused. “Mind if we take Snotlout out for a midnight flight?”

————————————–

Edit: Annnnnd sorry but I ran out of juice here. -shrugs loudly- Its 1 am, I spent too much time on this as is. X3

[wannasoftimagine]

lee daehwi as your soulmate

imagine having daehwi as ur soulmate where u have the date u meet written on ur wrist

(as requested!)

ur soulmate clue isnt really visible for awhile just bc ure like. a tiny kid for the first majority of ur life lol

for awhile u just have a smudge of ink on ur wrist so,,, u dont rlly have a choice but to let it be

ANYWAYS

once u start to get older, the markings on ur wrist start to become more and more clear

ure not super sure if theyre letters or numbers or smthn else, bc it doesnt show up on ur skin quite right yet

eventually, ure able to decipher it as a set of numbers and ure like. okay cool BUT WHAT DOES IT MEAN

u talk it over w some of ur family and friends, and everyone seems to have their own idea abt what it means

but the more ppl u talk to, the more they start to agree tht it seems like a date - for several years in the future

at tht point u realize that its probably the day tht ull finally meet ur soulmate, so theres not rlly much u can do abt it until then

ure a little tempted to try and search for someone with a similar clue, but there are just SO MANY to sort thru tht u decide its not rlly worth it

u try and focus on urself - struggling thru school, spending time w family/friends, typical stuff that most ppl ignore bc theyre too busy searching for their soulmate

honestly its kinda nice knowing when ull meet ur soulmate, since u can relax until then

time passes bc u kno. tht tends to happen in life

SO

it starts to get closer and closer to the date when u meet and NOW the nerves are coming

bc ure like ?? what are they like? what if i dont like them? what if they dont like //me//? where are we gonna meet? what time? do they have the same clue? what if i dont recognize them????

honestly ure a mess of worries by the time the day comes

trying to sleep the night before is almost impossible since ure such a bundle of doubts as u toss and turn in ur bed

come morning, u do ur best to dress as nice as u can

but honestly ure starting to doubt ur sense of fashion and style at this point

eventually u have to calm urself down bc theres no point in stressing out too much, or else ure just going to freak out and have an awful day, soulmate or not

then ure like waaaait a second,,

n u realize tht u dont know when exactly or where ure going to meet ur soulmate

which makes things much harder tbh

u settle on staying on a park bench, watching ppl pass and letting ur wrist casually rest beside u so its out in the open

ure hoping tht someones just going to walk by and be like oH HELLO SOULMATE

as time goes on u realize tht ure not that lucky

actually ure prob rlly unlucky bc bugs seem like theyre attacking u and u take tht as ur cue to leave

ure wandering around a little bit when u stumble across this cute little hole-in-the-wall cafe, so u decide to go in and rest ur feet there

(also maybe meet ur soulmate bc tht would be super Aesthetic u feel)

anyways

u wait around with a cup of coffee and a bagel, hoping that ull see someone walk in with a mark similar to urs

u realize pretty quickly tht it wont happen bc 1) so many ppl keep coming in and out, and 2) no one walks around showing off their wrist tbh

tht leaves u growing more frustrated and worried in ur spot

part of u wants to just approach random strangers and ask “listen im meeting my soulmate today CAN I SEE UR WRIST”

but the realistic part of u is like “what the heck no dont do tht”

u settle on agreeing with the latter

at some point, as ure boring holes into the dozens of strangers frequenting the cafe, u start to nod off

u dont even notice until one of the workers is shaking u awake with a polite smile and telling u tht the store is closing, so ure going to have to please leave

thts when ure like “wow,,, i was rlly tired bc it is LATE outside” but also “WAIT WHAT IF MY SOULMATE CAME HERE WHEN I WAS ASLEEP”

even as u frantically look around, u dont see any cutely written messages from ur presumed soulmate or anything like tht

all u can think is tht maybe ur soulmate clue doesnt mean what u thought it did

after all, its around evening already, and u still havent seen a sign of them

u end up wandering around outside again, too worried abt the possibility of never meeting ur soulmate to be freaked out over the whole “tiny kid walks around alone in the dark!!!!” thing

anywho

u keep checking ur phone (and feeling rlly grateful tht u havent run out of battery yet) and time just keeps to slip thru ur fingers

u end up going to a small restaurant for dinner, but its a place tht uve visited before and u dont see anyone new that could be ur soulmate

afterwards u decide to head on home with a heavy heart

u keep thinking “mb its not the date when we meet??”

but honestly ure not sure what else it could be

like is it the date ur soulmate is born?? but thtd be a kinda creepy age difference,,

and,,,, okay yeah u cant rlly think of anything else

u may or may not get lost a couple of times bc ure so absorbed in ur own thoughts

it doesnt help tht ure not exactly the best with directions

by the time u think ure nearing ur home, ur phone flashes at u with the time 11.51pm and ure like “???!!!!!!!!!!!”

u dont even know what to think at tht point

but then u get hit with the realization tht ure not meeting ur soulmate today and u might never meet them at all, and ure crushed with this aching sense of nothingness

ure just about ready to curl into a ball and just lie on the street for the rest of ur life when u hear someone yell “URE WALKING IN CIRCLES”

and u snap ur head up to try and see who said tht, and u see someone sticking his head out of his window and gesturing wildly

“wHAT” u manage to yell back, bc itd be embarrassing if this guy was trying to help u navigate around and u ended up sobbing back in response

“URE GOING IN CIRCLES UVE PASSED MY WINDOW LIKE 10 TIMES”

and thats.. just as embarrassing tbh

“ARE U LOST??? WHERE DO U LIVE”

all good intentions aside, u frown at his figure to tell him “IM NOT TELLING U WHERE I LIVE”, a pause, and then u add on “U CREEP” bc ure a strong independent individual who doesnt need any freaky dude in ur life

“AT LEAST USE UR PHONE OR SMTHN!!!! URE NEVER GOING TO GET HOME AT THIS POINT”

u feel a little dumb at that bc,,, honestly uve been so wrapped up in ur head tht u kinda forgot u could just use ur phone for directions back home

still just as u pull it out, it flashes a “dead battery” symbol and just. dies on u

“ITS DEAD” u tell the guy, altho ure not rlly sure why ure telling him this bc what if he really is a creep and now he knows u cant call for help ??????????

“IM COMING DOWN”

okay, thats definitely not helping ur i-think-hes-a-serial-killer idea

when he finally closes the window and makes his way down and outside to u, uve prepared urself with a rock

just,, in case,,,,,

(its not even a really good rock but u gotta do what u gotta do)

“i didnt want to keep yelling” the guy says, and he looks much sweeter in person (and when hes not screaming directions at u)

he sticks out his hand and ure like ?? but u take it anyways

“im lee daehwi!! do u want to borrow my phone?” he holds it out to u and even tho ure really tempted to take it, ure still a little skeptical

“if i put my address in there, then ull know where i live and u can track me afterwards”

he seems to find tht both very amusing and very insulting, since his face contorts into a half-laugh half-grimace

its a funny sight in of itself, so u cant help but smile at his expression

u end up bickering a little bit, and by the time he shoves his phone into ur face, u glance at the time and its past midnight and oh

today isnt the day u meet ur soulmate, then

ur face falls and he immediately yanks his hand back, obviously concerned

“are u okay?? whats wrong????”

and even tho hes still basically a stranger u cant help but show ur wrist to him and manage to explain tht u thought u were going to meet ur soulmate today, but its too late bc u still havent met them

but daehwi is giggling and ure like “dONT BE A JERK” but hes already pushing his own wrist into ur face

instead of the date, his reads “11.51 PM” in the same small dark font, and its like oh. OHHHHH

he pushes at ur shoulder, teasing u tht ur clue was more obvious bc “i had to wait around every day to see if i met someone new!!! i just want to sleep but i had no idea when id meet u”

and even as hes pouting u can barely process how relieved u are so u. accidentally zone out juuuust a little bit

he notices of course, and manages to get ur attention by saying “im glad its u tho bc ure super cute”

u stare at him, suddenly super focused on him, and he laughs

“i was just trying to get ur attention, but i do think ure rlly cute”

ure both still a bit in shock, but u manage to carry on conversations well enough bc now tht u know ure each others soulmates, ure desperate to talk to each other forever

he ends up insisting on cutting ur convo short and walking u home bc its so late, but he gives u his number and a quick, embarrassed peck on the cheek with a promise to talk to u soon

its even harder to fall asleep that night, ur head filled the memory of daehwi grinning at u like ure the best thing hed ever seen

others: jisung | sungwoon | daniel | woojin | more coming soon!

[fallarbor-town]

tb @accidental-butt-touch... thanks josselin lov u 

RULES: you must answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people

THE LAST: 1. drink: water 2. phone call:  i dont do phone calls 3. text message: "i have just returned from work and am too tired to move” 4. song you listened to: pretty u - seventeen 5. time you cried: yesterday 6. date someone twice: never 7. kissed someone and regretted it: i mean kinda. in the essence that the entire “relationship” was a regret. anyway it was high school 8. been cheated on: never 9. lost someone special: yes. i cant put my finger on when 10. been depressed: thats my constant state of being bub 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: i think it was the last time i was in a rabb.it chat w alan and daniel. so.... several months ago.. :”)

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12-14. blue, purple, pink

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. made friends: yeah 16. fallen out of love: no  17. laughed until you cried: yes 18. found out someone was talking about you: no 19. met someone who changed you: no 20. found out who your friends are: probs 21. kissed someone on your facebook list: like... my mom

GENERAL: 22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: most of them 23. do you have any pets: one (1) angery cat named cleo 24. do you want to change your name: yes 25. what did you do for your last birthday: i worked 9 to 5 and then got home at 7 and went to a friend’s house for. a couple of hours. the goal was to be drunk but i honestly didn’t get drunk at all  26. what time did you wake up: 9:30 am 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: reading naruto fanfiction 28. name something you can’t wait for: metrocon!! and new york trip!! wow 29. when was the last time you saw your mom: half an hour ago 30. what is one thing you wish you could change in your life: who i am as a person 31. what are you listening to right now: spotify; young & menace - fall out boy 32. have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yes 33. something that is getting on your nerves: how tired i am right now when i actually just want to get drunk 34. most visited websites: twitter, tumblr, facebook, ao3 35-37. (there were no questions asked here) 38. hair color: currently blonde/silver 39. long or short hair: short/shoulder-length w an undercut, but i’m trying to grow it out again 40. do you have a crush on someone: i’ve been in love with the same person for the past year and a half 41. What do you like about yourself: my eyes are nice and i draw good sometimes 42. piercings: regular ear piercings. they used to be the tiniest gauges ever but now i wear earrings so rarely they’re almost closed up so they tingle when i try to wear earrings 43. blood type: who knows 44. nickname: the only one i’ve gotten so far is “tire” 45. relationship status: sad and alone 46. Zodiac: capricorn / year of boar 47. pronouns: they/them 48. favorite tv show: if i’m keeping anime out of this, i didnt finish the office but i liked it a lot 49. tattoos: none. but the plan is to get sasuke’s curse mark tattooed on my arm within the coming months 50. right or left handed: right 51. surgery: i had surgery in my mouth once. my lower lip was pulling my gums away from my teeth so they had to fix it and take gum from the roof of my mouth to the lower gumline. this was in elementary school but to this day u can see the difference in the color of the gums 52. piercing: see 42 53. sport: sleeping 54. vacation: i need one 55. pair of trainers: is this about shoes. what is it asking me

MORE GENERAL: 56. eating: just ate some mac n cheese 57. drinking: nothing but i am parched. maybe some diet dr pepper soon 58. I’m about to: read more naruto fanfiction 59. waiting for: life to be good for once 60. want to: die 61. get married: probably not because i have an incredible fear of both intimacy and commitment  62. career: every time someone asks my art major ask about this my anxiety levels spike thru the damn roof

WHICH IS BETTER: 63. hugs or kisses: hugs 64. lips or eyes: eyes 65. shorter or taller: taller 66. older or younger: older probs 67. nice arms or nice stomach: idk 68. hook up or relationship: relationship bc even tho i fear both intimacy of commitment i’m very, very clingy  69. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  oh

HAVE YOU EVER: 70. kissed a stranger: no 71. drank hard liquor: i have 2 empty bottles of vodka chilling on my window seat as we speak and another full one staring me down 72. lost glasses/contact lenses: no bc i wear neither 73. turned someone down: yes 74. sex on the first date: no, also i’m ace 75. broken someone’s heart: :/ yea 76. had your heart broken: my heart is broken right now bithcn 77. been arrested: no 78. cried when someone died: yes 79. fallen for a friend: yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 80. yourself: not in the slightest 81. miracles: i’d like to  82. love at first sight: perhaps 83. Santa Claus: lol 84. kiss on the first date: sure 85. angels: eh 86-89. What was here??

OTHER: 90. current best friend’s name: pax?? and j.... this question just reminds me of how constantly lonely i am and how many of the names that came to mind no longer see me as an important person in their lives. wow ok that got emo 91. eye color: blue 92. favorite movie: i’m not a movie person

i’m tagging only @0ddai and bc i got too emo toward the end and i dont want to embarrass myself to others. d,gnlwioens;dioxlkn

[drunkenough2write]

Sober at 8:58 am

Ive started to numb everything out, push everyone else thats left away. I havent talked to Kaylee in about two months, or the guys in a few days, ive been avoiding anish and Molly and you and i obviously havent talk in a while. I had a moment yesterday i was doing ...something... and i started thinking about you, i let that numb thing go for a minute and i just kept saying “i love you Michael” over and over and i dont know what im doing. i dont know if i want you because im bored with him or because youre the one im supposed to spend the rest of my life with. i dont know if you and i are good for eachother or if we just romanicize the fuck out of eachother to the point weve tricked our minds into believing that we belong together, i dont know if those late nights spent in your arms, or those car rides with our fingers intertwined and the windows down meant nothing or meant everything. ive spent endless hours closing my eyes just so that i can picture your face, i have a hundred pictures of you i cant convince myself to delete. Everything makes me think of you, music and movies and people on social media, i think about what youd do when im scream singing in my car, windows down and crazy hair and music i havent listened too since middleschool, i think about you standing behind me in the shower and laying next to me in bed, i think about you shooting me looks across the isles of grocery stores and gas stations, i think about you picking at your nails and the warts on your fingers while i drive and roll my eyes at you, i think about you when i get high, how you get so paranoid, how you get a look in your eye like youre all alone and the worlds a stimulation trying to break you down and invade your inner thoughts and you look at me and i wonder if you trust me and i just want to wrap you in my arms and kiss your face and let you know that i got you no matter what. I dream about you, your long hair and jaw line, lanky body and strong arms, i dream about you walking in and the rest of the world falling away, you being all that i see and all that i know and nothing else in the world mattering even the smallest bit. Im scared Bugs, im scared of losing you, im scared of losing me, im scared that he will come back and i will pick him and one day ill wake up from yet another Michael dream and think “what the fuck am i doing?” but be so deep into it that theres nothing i can do, and im scared ill pick him and one day he will stop picking me and im scared that i cant love anyone. I spent years being the girl a guy could love, i perfected it, manipulated every boy i met into becoming obsessed with me, tricking their minds to the point i was all they thought about and i never got caught, i played boy after boy perfecting my actions and it worked. Ramon was so invested i didnt even notice, all his friends knew about me, he told them he was falling in love with me and all i thought about at the time was how he had a weird sex face and it didnt feel serious, then there was London, the boy who flirted with me in highschool and told me i was going to marry him and then years later told me i was ugly in highschool, so i convinced him nobody could understand him like i did, i let him be a douche bag, and make every possible stupid mistake he could and told him that he was amazing regardless, i supported all of  his dreams even though i thought they were dumb and far far out of reach all while entertaining others. At the same time i was sleeping with two frat guys in different frats that hated eachother and i made them both believe they were the hottest guys id ever seen and the best lays any girl could have all the while one looked like hed never stepped outside and was not packin and the other had a nice body but a jew nose and lasted like 4 minutes everytime, and they both faded out eventually. Then i reconnected with Reese and unfortunately he had been in the game longer and saw past the face i put on, he reached into my heart and plucked at the parts he knew would give him a safe place and i fell for it. i became his escape from home and work, he would come over at 3 am after work and slip into my bed and play his music and we’d fall asleep and id wake in the morning and leave for class and come back to him leaving, There was one night i was convinced he had real feelings for me. he was hanging with preston and their friend ethan who had moved out of state and came to visit, Preston went to ASU and lived in dorms near mine. They went to a strip club and then got super drunk and went back to prestons room, Reese called me and let me know he was still coming over at about midnight and Preston stole his phone saying he wouldnt make it and i just laughed at them and said id be up for a while if he changed his mind, even though i was so tired i couldve slept for an unholy amount of hours. i got a few snapchats from his snap that preston took of reese’s head in the toilet and figured he wouldnt be coming over, but i stayed up for a little while and then i got a call at 5 am he slurred his words trying to tell me he was coming and that he was lost but escaped Prestons room, Preston and ethan eventually found him and got on the phone trying to figure out where i lived, i told them and came out to meet them, Sophmore year of highschool i had a class with both Reese and Preston but i dont think either of them knew i had existed at the time. when i walked out they all looked at me and Reese looked so sad, red eyes and tears on his cheeks, he almost tripped over his own feet into my arms, i hugged him and looked back at his friends, they told me to take care of him, i smiled and took him back to my room. i put his stuff in the closet and helped him change and he followed me into bed, his arms around me (something he never did) and he cried, told me i was all he cared about, said all these things and passed out and for the first time since meeting him i felt like he wanted me for me, but i was wrong, i was a safe spot, a hidden island where he could get away from the rest of the world and eventually he met someone else. then on new years i got a snapchat from kaylees younger sister asking if it would be okay if she gave my snap to her cousin ransom whom i had only met a few times, i said sure and his first snap said he was gonna make me his. i laughed, i liked when guys were forward, unfortunately that was one of the only things i liked about him, over the next month i played with him, careful not to break him entirely, he tried to get me to take his virginity and him being the mormon cousin to my childhood mormon best friend i knew i couldnt and then one day i got a snap from some guy i met on tinder, his name was Alex Decker, he hyped me up on snap all the time and i was on shrooms so i responded, asked why he was always nice to me he said “why not?” we talked a little and eventually i invited him over we hung with my friends, i got free tickets to a suns game and we all went and we took our first selfie and i didnt pull my tricks, because he wasnt like every other guy that walked my way and stuck their tongue down my throat after talking to me for 15 minutes we hung out probably 7 times before he kissed me, i had convinced myself he was gay or just not interested and let down my gaurd, we were watching Game of Thrones, the Episode where you learn about Horridor and the reason behind his name, and i started crying and he made a joke and i punched his arm out of sadness and he kissed me, it moved pretty fast after that, he asked me to be his girlfriend on Valentines day, 12:04 am - we decided to say it was the 13th instead, didnt want to be cheesy, he brought me roses the next day and we dated for a while, i pushed and pulled every day, pushed him away only to ask him to come back hours later, i was a bad girlfriend, a bad friend, and when i ended things i was more scared of losing his family then him. I went to California for spring break and he spent the night before i left and he found my stash on notebooks and read everything, went through my poetry books and found which ones i dedicated to other boys and other loves and he went crazy, he read every secret and every lie and he told me living in my head was the worst place to live and he sent me pictures of everything that made him mad and he spent 9 hours in my room going through everything and i was so angry i redownloaded tinder, figuring id end things when i got home and then came Remmington. When i got back to Arizona we threw a party at my house and a bunch of people came over, he had written me a letter and got so drunk he let Colden read it to the room, it was horrible, i got obnoxiously drunk and ended up blacking out and then passing out on the bathroom floor and Alex took care of me all night. i was going to therapy at the time and one day on the day before my therapy day i had a huge art project due and had to pull an all nighter after pulling one the night before and he told me he would stay over and help me and we would take shifts and he’d shade stuff while i slept and id do whatever else i needed to do and i said that that was fine, when it was my turn to sleep i fell fast asleep and woke up to him sitting next to me on the bed crying, confused i got up and hugged him and he started rambling about how he couldnt do it and just losing his shit, he wasnt making any sense so i got him water and made him lay down and once he fell asleep i got up and did the rest of my project until 10 am the next day i went to class and then alex gave me a ride to therapy and picked me up after, he took me to my favorite restaurant in arizona and then we went to the batting cages and a few days later i ended things and he still stuck around for a while, even while i was talking to remmington, then i found out about the STD stuff and remington made me feel like trash and got a bunch of his friends to bag on me too. after that i dropped everyone, i didnt care, i took londons virginity and i didnt care about anything else and Molly and i started hanging out more and more and then one day i drove past the gilbert temple and parked in front of a house across the street from the mormon church and a lanky boy in a white sweatshirt and a dad hat hopped in the car with molly and i and i was a total bitch to him until we stopped to eat and he said his dad worked on heavy equipment and molly got distracted and i thought this boy was 20 and he was 17 and my heart swooned. that was the day i met you. You surprised the hell out of me. everytime i talked to you all the games and tricks and all the bullshit id been using stopped existing and i had butterflies and lost words and a smile i couldnt get rid of. and boy was it a whirlwind. and the world started and ended and spiraled and now we are here. wheres here? i have no fucking idea. all i know is that i want someone to see me, see my crazy and my annoying and my insecurities and see everything good and bad and love me, and for the past year ive met 3 boys that do and in my luck ive found so much heartache and so much dissapointment. because M i dont deserve any of you and if i could cut myself in half and give all my love to each of you i would, but i cant. and what do i do when you wake up and realize i was only worth the chase? what happens when its finally us and im not everything you figured i would be? and life isnt everything you thought it would be with me? what then?

[hiddenscars98]

Sometimes what feels like the end, might just be the beginning....

Sometimes, what is a nightmare for us now, can open up doors to lead us to our dreams.

I guess i should kind of start from the beginning, or rather somewhere in the middle. If youve been following my blog for a while, you know that ive been out of therapy for a little while after a recent move across the country. Therapy is hard for me in general because i tend to keep things inside, and find it very difficult to trust someone and open up. So after moving i did not change to a new therapist just because i didnt think i was ready. I thought it only made sense to wait until i felt ready to get into the shit of my life and work through what needed to be dealt with. My veiw is that if I am not ready, i can be in therapy for 10 years, but aint notin goina happen.

In addition, i am on anti depressants to treat my severe depression. I was seeing a psychiatrist in my old place, but after moving, i figured i would wait until i would finish my medication and need a new prescription to find a new one.

Well, things seem to be working out differently than planned.

Last week, i landed myself in the hospital. I was having suicidal thoughts for a while, it was really messing with my brain, but i managed not to act on them. But it came a day last week where i was feeling especially shitty. I have sleeping pills which i take every night, and feeling desperate to just stop the thoughts, and numb my pain, i began swallowing the pills, planning on finishing the bottle. After a nice amount of pills, i had this realization that as much as i was afraid to live, i was even more afraid to die. Realizing what i was doing, i began experiencing trouble breathing. Thats when my mom found me. Imediately, she checked my pulse, and called an ambulance. The paramedics came, hooked me up to an EKG, and monitered me, while making a couple of phone calls. They spoke with posion control and it was clear, i would be rushed to the emergency room. I dont really remember what happened next, because my world went black. I passed out, and pretty much remained unconscious until much later on, in the hospital. The rest i know only from what I was told. We were on the way to one hospital, but my heart rate dropped too low so the ambulance had to rush to a closer hospital to stabilize me. I was brought into the emergency room and imediately hooked up to an EKG and an IV for fluid. They took some blood from me, and then ran all the necessary tests (im not sure exactly what, being that i was still under) i woke up after midnight, and was transferred to a room in the crisis unit. The psychiatric crisis unit is probably the least pleasurable part of the hospital. Before being transferred, they strip you completely of everything you have. I didnt have anything on me being that they already changed me into hospital scrubs when i was brought into the emergency room. But i did have a fuzzy blanket that was keeping warm and feeling safe that was taken away. The rooms, just like in the psych ward, are completely bare. All there was, was a bed. NOTHING ELSE. There isnt even allowed to be a garbage can in the room, for fear that patients may harm themselves, or others with it. Of course though, there is a video camera for round the clock security.

The crisis unit is where a patient is placed when brought to the emergency room because of potential harm to themselves or others. Basically what happens in this unit, you will be questioned by a couple of psychiatrists as to what happened, why it happened, if you ever had suicidal or homicidal thoughts, wether you are having worrisome thoughts at that moment......you get the idea. As with everything in hospitals, you are asked the same questions so many times i thought i might give those answers next time i was asked my name.

When i was asked those questions, i should have answered honestly, but i didnt. Knowing that telling the truth about the thoughts going on in my head would land me in the psych ward, a very uncomfortable situation, i answered all the right things with the hope that thatll get me discharged. I told them i was not trying to kill myself, all I wanted was to sleep, i was tired. I hoped that they would let me go and i can just leave and put all this in the past. But that was not the case, after trying to convince me to get admitted to the psych ward, they made a deal. I would be able to leave, if i promised to meet with a team back at home. I promised, of course. And 48 hours after i was admitted, i left.

My story isnt over yet, i still havent met witb anyone, but i know that i will have to take care of that soon. Laying in bed today, i realized, that this is going to be extremely uncomfortable for me, but it is something that has to happen if i truly want to live. Right now, i am merely surviving, i am staying afloat, but headed nowhere. Right now, i do not see a future, but i hope that although this may not be the most pleasant way to be forced to take action to heal my pain, maybe this will help me to shed the darkness of the past and shine light on the future, bringing me closer toward a happy and successful life

I would like to take this opportunity to thank my dear friends on Tumblr who are always there to support me and give me some love. Thank you!!! I will keep you posted💕💕💕