#we can disagree and agree to disagree. but pushing your views and judging me for it? eww??

[seriouslysam8]

It's kinda Sad that some Snape haters doesn't see all the facts and accuse him of things that he didn't do or know.

I mean it"s clear, in book 3, that Snape fully believed that Sirius WAS the secret keeper and that he betrayed James and Lily. He thinks that Sirius is partly resposible of Lily's death. He didn't KNOW that it was Peter. Or he would have told Dumbledore, even after the events.

He hates Sirius, right but he would prioritize finding the real culprit. For his pov, at this moment Sirius and Lupin WERE suspicious and Lupin didn't have took his potion (and it could put Harry and the two others in danger).

The same persons find 100 excuses to Lupin for NOT have told Dumbledore that Sirius was a animagus even when he thought he was the culprit, and if Sirius HAD been the culprit, Harry could have been in danger. \_(:/)_/ Good thing that Sirius WAS innocent.

I love Sirius and Lupin, but seriously Remus has made so many mistakes this night.

Both Snape and Remus were wrong. One didn't have all the infos + had something "suspicious" under his yes + was angry and the other didn't take his potion and was bad to explain things. "look at the rat" hello Remus? Snape doesn"t KNOW that Peter is a animagus.

But yeah Snape is worse when he's angry. Sirius push all his boutton everything they see each other. We can't leave them in the same location or blood will be everywhere XD (but maybe they would finally speak as adults and put all the venom out?)

I can’t tell if you’re criticizing my views on Snape or not. I mean, I do hate Snape with a passion. I do not hide that at all.

But you know what? Part of the fun of fandom is that you can have your own opinions and nobody should hate on you having an opinion. I’ve received hate for having an opinion on a character or a ship. It’s rather silly in my mind. If you don’t like my views, block me and don’t read me. I promise I will never seek out people whose opinions I don’t agree with and trash them. I have better things to do with my time. You do you and I do me.

But I do think Snape is a shitty ass human being. He bullies kids he has authority over. He is an absolute jerk to Harry because he dares look like his dead dad he can’t remember. He cannot get over childhood judges. While I agree with you on some points, I disagree with you on others. Even if Snape knew Peter was the real culprit, I don’t think he would have told anyone. He would have been happy to let Sirius rot in Azkaban. Being innocent would probably just tickle his fancy. This is the man who had no problem if an innocent child died as long as his ex-best friend who he has a very creepy obsession over lives. His morals are very questionable.

By contrast, I think there’s plenty of people who are willing to criticize Remus for a lot of things too. I’ve seen people downright hate Remus. I don’t hate Remus. I just want him to be better. But Remus can be a shitty ass human being too at times.

As for Sirius, well, okay, I have an unreasonable soft spot for him and that man can do no wrong in my eyes. I just adore him. And I sympathize with him on a personal level. So, yeah, even the shitty stuff Sirius does I can’t help but love. 😂😂😂 I have a problem, don’t I? There has to be some twisted psychology behind that.

But my point is, not everyone has to agree. I don’t think we should judge people based on their views or their how much they like or dislike a fictional character. I relate to Sirius in a lot of ways because of my own shitty childhood so I hold him on this pedestal. The same with Harry. I relate to him on a personal level so he’s just my cute little cabbage. Meanwhile, characters like Snape make my skin crawl because I can’t understand any adult bullying a child. And I say that as someone who was a child and bullied by my own mother. So that alone turns me off immediately to his character and negates anything good he does. Because I can’t help but see him as a shitty ass person who never grew up.

So instead of thinking people are “sad” or “toxic” or “stupid,” (I’m being general here because I’ve been called these things for having a fucking opinion that someone else doesn’t agree with) it’s best not to judge anyone. You have no idea why they relate to certain characters or why certain characters turn them off. You have no idea what characters are their comfort characters or what characters trigger them. While I make my opinions known on my own page about how I feel, I don’t expect everyone to agree with me. I don’t go to other people’s pages or stories and leave them hate.

[notafunkiller]

I’m going to start a lot of trouble by saying this and I don’t care: There is something with stringy blonde hair and dead eyes that has been the cause of this exhaustion over the past two years. And tbh, he won’t look well rested or healthy again until he finds the courage and the self respect to kick it to the curb.

First of all, I want to say: feel free to express your opinions openly here, as I value and respect freedom of speech.

[Of course, as long as there are no threats... which is not the case now]

Second of all, there is something that stans do in most fandoms: they infantilize their favorite celebrities and act as if they are perfect. They project their dreams and wishes onto them (and their relationships sometimes) and they think they have the right to decide and know details about their private life.

They think sending letters and endless dms = normal. It's not.

[When a celebrity needs to block you because you are attacking their partner, you have a problem.]

They view those people as puppets. As if they have the right to know everything about them and be upset if they make their own decisions. If they disagree with their decisions, they treat them like kids (aka they're in denial) or get mad and so on...

[From roles and haircuts to personal life and vacations.]

Also, they think fans (not stans) who hold them accountable for mistakes or point out the obvious things (like PR, image strategies, paps walks) are haters.

Thirdly, Sebastian is an adult, who makes his own decisions, but the stans act as if he's a kid.

I totally love what you said: he won't look well rested or healthy again until he finds the courage and the self respect...

I pointed out he's been tired constantly for the last 2 years, and some stans made it sound as if I was hating on him and AW because I am jealous of her and I have some kind of obsession/parasocial relationship with him, when it's, indeed, just concern. Because he is pushing himself basically non-stop.

Like, it's his choice to do PR... (it's my opinion which can be wrong, ofc) since he's always been so warm -and his love language is touch- in his previous relationships even if they were private... and there is something off about his body language in general. And AW is known as a beard in Hollywood, which I don't judge. People do what they want...

And I don't feel sorry for him. I'm just worried he focuses too much on achieving things and he doesn't take care of himself and rest enough.

He wanted to have more power over his projects aka to produce (producing = freedom and control), so he agreed to sign with CAA (Creative Artists Agency).

Because even though he's American too, not just Romanian (he moved there when he was 12), he's still seen as a foreigner by the film industry.

It means Sebastian believes he still needs to prove himself to get awards. And getting an award is even harder in this case because no matter how much PR you do, how many paps walks you have, how hard working you are, how great you are at what you do, how much passion you put into your work and your roles, you're still (seen as) an outsider. I think this is why he chose to be a part of so many biopics.

[Don't get me wrong, I think the roles he chose and chooses are challenging (grey, with personality) and send a message in general. He always gets out of his comfort zone, which is incredible. But I feel like he driven by the urge to prove himself]

This is why I think the Silver Bear meant and means the world to him. And I wish he knew an Oscar wouldn't say anything about him as an actor... about his talent. Many incredible actors do not have one, and we know it's about politics there.

I recommend a good article on the subject:

[starzfield]

A flicker of amusement danced in the amber’s pupils, gentle. Even the less judgemental people were surprised when learning his family had a bakery. Nunnally’s surprise was only amusing to him, but he didn’t judge her for it.

“No one does.” He tried to comfort her. “It’s nothing to be embarrassed of.”

The man hummed, though he didn’t seem to agree entirely. Waited for her to finish, before shaking his head slowly, smile still on.

“Je n’étais pas seul. Pas au début. Cela fait une grande différence.”

Hands free of cup, the therapist gestured between them, as if manifesting a kind of gap, or space. “I was actually wanting to escape my inheritance, and had someone who helped me with money. I wouldn’t have been able to have the courage, or the ressources, to do everything on my own. I was actually very resigned with my fate at first…”

He gave her a sad, but encouraging smile. “So please, don’t be so harsh on yourself ? Changing your own life is more than just a matter of choice. Or strength. There’s no shame in wanting safety, or not wanting to cut ties with your family. No one who isn’t in your shoes can judge you.”

The next question amused him a little, again. “I don’t hate baking, but you must be aware by now it is a heavily, emotionally charged act for me. So we can settle on a ‘maybe’, if you don’t mind.”

Despite his sweet behavior and attitude, Lukan wasn’t one to be convinced to do a thing he didn’t want to do.

Affection slipped into his face at the mention of help.

“You can always ask any question you wish to ask. I may simply not always answer them. And I will apply the same rules for you. I will ask, and you may answer or refuse. Please don’t feel bad for your curiosity, I wish us to build trust, and it is hard to trust someone you don’t know anything about, isn’t it ?”

That point cleared, he did answer the question. “My friend Llam helped me. With the financial safety, with a roof, with the undying support and belief in me. I’d say me succeeding is based 75% on his doing. Of course, I succeeded on my studies on my own - but he gave me the environment I needed for it to happen. Without him, I’d be working in the family bakery today, there’s no doubt about it.”

He wasn’t ashamed of it, just aware of how lucky he had been.

“Some people think to be a therapist, you need to be perfectly stable, to not have past or present struggles, I suppose. To some, it makes me look unreliable.”

Yet the man didn’t look too bothered.

“As long as I can do my job and help people, it is fine. A patient needs to trust their therapist. If they can’t trust me, it’s better for them to find another one.” 

It was said gently, without resentment.

“I’m glad it’s not your case, however.”

The bit about her mother was noticed, but he deemed it too sensitive and charged for a first session, so he didn’t push, choosing to stare at her with seriousness, the kindness and patience leaving for calm, unshakable expression.

“I promise what is said here will stay between us. Telling things to your grandmother will only betray your trust, and ruin any efforts we poured into the sessions. Nothing could be further from my goal.”

Despite what she thought, Lukan’s eyes hold no judgment, only patience and soft curiosity.

He listened to her without interrupting.

As silence stretched, the man nodded. “She did sound like a strong woman with even stronger opinions.” 

It wasn’t even a bad thing, except she apparently pushed said opinions on Nunnally, either she liked it or not.

“...Sometimes you don’t get along with people, despite them being the same blood. Or your family. Very few can actually cut these bonds, but you don’t, in fact, owe your family to love them. As strange as it sounds.”

He pronounced the words cautiously, watching her reactions. “And you ? What do you think a woman’s role is ?”

It was quite obvious Nunnally disagreed with her grandmother’s point of view.“If the question makes you uncomfortable, remember you don’t have to answer. I can also answer it myself first, if it makes it easier for you.”

A bakery? She hoped her face didn’t show her utter surprise upon his words. Didn’t his family appreciate that he became a successful therapist? Did they really think him being a baker would have been better? She blinked a few times to cover for her embarrassment. Indeed, Nunnally was slowly becoming embarrassed with her own embarrassment. Entitled girl. Rich girl. That was how she probably was now presenting herself to him. And she didn’t like it.

“I apologize. I didn’t expect that.” – she stated; her cheeks covered in deep red. She was aware of 'w h o' she was, and aware of some prejudices installed in her. Not that she minded them most of the time. But here with this man… For whatever reason, she didn’t want him to have a bad opinion about her.

“Though you were strong enough to challenge them…”

A moment of silence.

“Je ne serais jamais capable de faire ça. Je ne pourrais pas survivre seule...” – yes, Nunnally was ashamed of her inability to rebel. And perhaps because of that, she'd understand his harsh assessment of her and lack of actions – “I wouldn’t know how to live without money. When you come from family like mine, you…you simply do what is expected from you... or gets disinherited.”

“Most just wait until they can make some decisions…” – no, she didn’t want to talk about it! She had already told too much. Poor, miserable, rich girl. She loathed herself, but was well aware she would never do anything to change it.

“Will you bake something for me…?” – a challenge to make him angry? Or a desperate attempt to change the subject?

“You got help…?” – her eyes -- that turned dull for the moment -- regained that look of curiosity – “I am sorry I shouldn’t have asked.” – she was to listen and not to talk. Wasn’t that what she was taught most of the time?

“Why would it? Why would it make you an unfitting therapist for me…? Maybe actually it does make you the proper one. Though I doubt my grandmother would choose you if she was aware of that. She expects obedience not rebellion… I guess that might be what made my mother unhappy…” – oh, no! Nunnally shouldn’t have brought that topic. He was good. Too good. He made her speak and she shouldn’t have spoken. Especially that she didn't really know much about her mother.

“You…you’re not allowed to repeat that to anyone, are you…!?” – if her grandmother was to learn about anything she just said here. A cold shiver run down her spine. No, she didn’t even want to think about it. It was the second time she was asking this question; she suddenly realized. It probably told him much more about her than her speaking for hours. He surely loathed her by then. As much as she despised herself in that moment.

Nunnally moved her eyes away from him. She took a cup to take a sip of her coffee, but the cup was already empty. She put it back on the table and smoothed the skirt. It was an expensive one. Easy to say. Why it suddenly made her ashamed?

“Yes, there’s three of us. Though my grandmother…my maternal grandmother…she doesn’t live with us…”

“She…and my father do not get along too well… I mean they share the goals, but it’s like…” – it was hard to explain. Nunnally was sure her father didn’t like his mother-in-law, and she probably didn't like him. But they were bound together, because they both failed in a way? And her Nunnally was the living proof of their failure. And yet being the disappointment, she was also the only way that they could fix their mistakes. She sighed: --

“She’s a strong woman. Used to have things going her way. Old-fashioned. Thinking the woman’s role it being a wife. Nothing more.” – and that was what she expected from Nunnally. Nunnally was to marry for the sake of family.

“Well, I don’t really know her…”

“Not that I really want to…”

[azenta]

My anger is skyrocketing, and I know the only solution will be to talk things out. But fears make this shit hard...

[stillebesat]

Out Camping Part 2

Sanders Sides: Roman, Virgil Blurb: A Father and Son Camping Trip Fic Type: Camping AU Overall Fic Warnings: None. Taglist in reblog.

To Catch Up: Part 1

“Race you to the top, Dad!” Virgil yelled as he scrambled up the side of a sandstone rockface Roman had been sure his little spidermonkey couldn’t climb. Once again, he’d underestimated Virgil’s dexterity. 

He exhaled, raising a hand to shade his eyes, judging the steeply slanted side before resolutely sticking to the path, breaking into a jog to catch up. 

“Daaaaaddd!” Virgil’s petulant whine echoed down from above. “That’s boring! Climb the rock. It’s easy!” 

“Not all of us are Spiderman, Virge.” He called back, adjusting the straps of the backpack holding their tent, food, water and other gear. His son was lucky he was jogging. It wasn’t like this stuff was featherlight. 

A scraping sound overhead was his only warning before Virgil dropped down in front of him, white t-shirt already stained red from the sand. “But you can do anything, Dad!” He said, confidently as he straightened, his smaller backpack containing both of their clothes bouncing against his back. He gave Roman a heartwarming smile and puppy dog eyes as he spread his arms wide. “Climb with me!”  

Roman slowly shook his head, huffing a laugh as he reached out a hand to brush a smudge of dirt from Virgil’s cheek. “You are going to be the death of me.” But how could he say no?

“The life of you!” Virgil disagreed, snagging his hand and tugging it. 

He definitely couldn’t argue with that. Virgil had been the best thing to happen to him, no comparison to anything else needed. “The life of me.” He agreed, slipping the backpack off his shoulders to the ground before he surged forward, scooping Virgil up in his arms.

His son squealed in delight, hugging him tight as Roman swiftly climbed the rock face. 

Huh. Virgil had been right. It wasn’t nearly as difficult as he’d first thought. Within seconds he’d made it to the top, breathing only a little hard from the climb. 

“You did it!” His son cheered.

So he had. Maybe his little spidermonkey got his climbing skills from him. Roman smirked, ruffling his hair before he turned, holding his son out to the valley below. “Simba!” He proclaimed. 

“Daaaaad.” Virgil wiggled his feet, glowering over his shoulder at him. “I’m Virgil. Do it right!”

He laughed. “Sorry. Sorry.” Roman pulled him back with a smirk, taking up a handful of red sand he brushed it across his son’s forehead before holding him back out over the valley. “VIRGIL!!” He proclaimed. “RULER OF ALL THESE LANDS! Nants ingonyama batithi Baba! Sithi uhm ingonyama!” He sang.

Virgil raised his hands to the sky, lifting his head up to the sun. “Everywhere the light touches is mine!” He proclaimed in a tone similar to Roman’s. 

“You got that right, buddy” He chuckled, pulling Virgil close, holding him tight as his son buried his head against his chest. 

The wilderness was definitely more Virgil’s domain than his. Roman would have been much more content to wander a park in the middle of a city. Not out here, in the middle of nowhere, without another soul for miles. 

“We are one.” Virgil whispered, lifting his head to look at Roman. 

Scratch that. He’d rather be out here in the middle of nowhere if it made Virgil happy. “Exactly, my Prince.” He whispered, tenderly kissing the top of his head. He knelt, resting his son on his knee as he gestured to the view before them. “Together. Forever. With all this as your kingdom to explore and climb.” He tapped Virgil’s nose. “Once we set up camp.” He amended. “You find a good spot yet?” 

Virgil blinked, frantically shaking his head as he pushed away. “No! We're still too close to the car, Dad!” 

Roman raised an eyebrow. Too close? They’d hiked at least four miles already and his son had yet to show any signs of tiring out. If anything he’d gotten more hyper the deeper into the wilderness they ventured. “Well then let’s jump to it, Hop-a-long.” He said, sliding back down the rock face to their gear. He straightened, turning in time to catch Virgil in his arms as his son jumped from halfway down. “Oof. Before the sun sets this time. Got it?” 

Virgil grinned, wiggling free of Roman’s grip. “Not midnight?”

“Definitely not midnight.” They’d done that once. Never again. Setting up a tent in the dark was not his jar of Crofters. That was an established fact. Roman grabbed their gear, slipping it over his shoulders. 

Huh. That climb must have done him some good after all. The bag felt lighter than before.

“Fiiinnee, but we get smores tonight then!” Virgil said, breaking into a run up the path.

Oh no. His son couldn’t just leave after that statement expecting it to be done. “Only if you gather the wood!” Roman called after him.

He skidded to a stop, turning with his little hands raised in obvious indignation. “Daaaaddd!” 

“Soooonnnn!” He mimicked back, with a playful smile as he used his longer legs to decrease the distance between them. “We’ll wood hunt together after camp is set up.” 

Virgil huffed, rolling his eyes, though Roman could see the sparkle therein.

He winked. “And maybe you’ll find a new lizard to play with while doing so.” And hopefully not a rattlesnake. 

“New ones?” Virgil shook his head. “I’ve already seen lots of them here!” 

That wasn’t surprising. Virgil excelled at finding animals that didn’t want to be seen. Roman swore his son could spot a rabbit hiding in the brush from a mile away. “Well maybe while gathering wood for our fire, you’ll see one you’ve never seen before.” He replied, with a shrug.

Virgil shook his head. “I don’t think so.” He turned, taking off down the dirt path, scrambling over the sandstone with ease. 

Well. It was worth a shot. Roman exhaled, adjusting the straps of his bag one more time before following after his little Navigator.

[ficforthought]

On being SO DONE with M*sha, a rant a decade in the making!

After giving this some thought I'm going to go ahead and give my opinion on Misha and yesterday’s situation in public for the first time ever. I was going to just post on Twitter but since this has been 12 years in the making I have exceeded the number of tweets I can put in one thread! There’s A LOT in here, so my summary is also long. I'm aware that I will lose followers over this, I'm not looking to offend anyone but it will inevitably happen. I wish anyone leaving all the best as fellow human beings.

TL;DR - having kept quiet for so long I’ve finally reached my limit and it’s all come bubbling out. I’ve never been a fan of Misha, I’ve been ambivalent for the most part, but have never criticised him in any hateful way, that's not who I am, but after all these years of putting up with his bullshit, attention seeking and troublemaking I am DONE. Deleting his tweet containing the word Wincest and replacing it with an APOLOGY just to pander to his Minions and save face is the straw that broke the camel's back. He has consistently pushed his ship on not only fans but on other actors (despite Jensen's discomfort, and him having repeatedly made his feelings known on it), he has stood by while his Minions/Hellers have harassed, victimised, doxxed and sent death threats to people based on their FICTIONAL ships. He has pandered to their gatekeeping, constantly demanded attention in obvious and not so obvious ways, and to the best of my knowledge never criticised their actions even though he's aware of it in a very real way. Some of his Minions have now taken their shit into The Boys fandom and created negativity for Jensen before the guy has even got a foot through the set door, and how is that supporting one half of your ship?

Misha has claimed to be a victim of targeted harassment from Wincest/brother fans (not only shippers) yet his fans have said and done the most despicable things on his watch, all in the name of what he must think is entertainment, or even his idea of a ‘joke’.

Any respect I had for the man based on his humanitarian work has gone because I can only take so much hypocrisy. He and his pandering because of a desperate attempt to be woke and wholly inclusive (which is actually impossible, no matter how good intentions are) are beyond pathetic. Whilst I have never seen why people think he’s so great I have friends IRL and online who genuinely adore the man, yet they have been shocked and upset by his contempt for half of the fandom that made him somewhat famous. It's disgusting and I'm not scrolling by any more. Misha, I hope to never see you on anything J2 related in future because none of us need that kind of negativity, *especially* not J2. Be gone, foul fiend!

OK, so to the too long part. Please be aware that these are my opinions as a fan of the show, of Sam and Dean, and J2, not only as a shipper. I can separate canon and fanon, and can view canon from a gen or shippy PoV. Whether you agree or disagree with my opinion let me be clear that I do not condone constant bashing and hate of a person or character so this isn’t the start of a regular thing for me. It's possible to have an opinion and not show the same vitriol that has been following this man around for years, and that’s what I’m doing. I've not posted this to prompt more negativity, it's simply to get it off my chest and make it clear how I feel. I stand by my philosophy of ship who you want to ship, enjoy it, but don't force it on other people and don't be a dick about it…hmm, that kinda sounds like familiar behaviour, though, does it not?!

I have ABSOLUTELY NO ISSUE with other people liking Misha, Cas or Destiel when it’s for the love of the characters and the ship. What I *do* have an issue with is people who are the true definition of a Heller. I don’t see that as a generic term, don't be ignorant and think I do because I know the difference between actual ship fans and the crazies, both ships have ‘em and I want no part of either of their venom. If you are reading this and class yourself as a Heller then you are part of the problem so run along and as you are all so fond of saying, 'get help' and take your bestie king with you.

I’m stating my opinion in what I feel is the most mature way I can, because unlike many people on SM, I am an adult and can act accordingly, with forethought and without resorting to temper tantrums and bullying of other people to get my point across. I am able to tell the difference between reality and fiction, I don't tar everyone with the same shipper brush and I don't expect everyone to agree with my opinion, but as we know opinions are like arseholes, we all have them and sometimes they stink. Unlike some, for the most part in life (online and offline) I *do* stand by what I say and don’t backtrack or delete things to appease the masses. I have spent a lot of time writing this out to be as clear as possible without being intentionally hateful. Bear with me jumping between actor and character where relevant, at this point they're conjoined. I will say this before I go any further, it doesn’t end well for Misha, I don’t mince my words and if you don’t like seeing facts and opinions laid out, this isn't the post for you.

I’ll say right off the bat what most of you have surmised - I’ve never held Misha (or Cas) in high esteem but I have never *hated* on him. I have shared mild criticism of his actions and opinions on Cas over the years but never, I feel, in any way that has made me feel I have something to apologise for. I have said several times I've been unhappy about Misha crashing con panels, taking attention away from J2 when at those cons *most* people paid their hard earned money to see the STARS of the show they love, first and foremost, and anyone else is a very nice bonus. The odd appearance here and there crashing a panel is fine (and Misha isn’t the first or last person to do it), maybe take up a few minutes then leave, but when someone commandeers an entire panel, that's just not on. It's not only selfish, rude and attention seeking but also disrespectful to other actors, fans and to the organisers who work hard to make sure everything ties in to give us the best con experience we can have. Everyone gets their turn on stage, there's no need to try and hog any more of the limelight, Veruca Salt style. Oh, and if you’re reading this and not getting that reference, (a) you shouldn’t be on my blog because you’re far too young, (b) look it up, and if you still don’t get what I’m saying… well then please refer to point (a). Thank you, kindly!

There was a time in Kripke's era where Cas was - I feel - intentionally used as a pawn by the writers to divert *canon* from the ‘questionable’ relationship between Sam and Dean, i.e. Wincest focus. Prior to that people (other fans) lightened up and just accepted the fact that Wincest had been there since day one in terms of the writing of the show and the fandom. All the cast and crew knew - J2, Kripke and JDM in particular - and made light of it, never judging, never shaming and often encouraging it because they understand it’s a fun part of fandom. Wincest was present enough to be part of the not so subtle subtext, as I said people just accepted it. Kink tomato was alive and well, so was ‘don’t like, don’t read’ and we all just scrolled over things we didn’t like without turning everything into a personal vendetta and excuse for bullying others who didn’t share our views. When the angels came into the plot I think most of us Wincest fans gave the Dean/Cas innuendos the small laugh they deserved and then turned back to the focus of the show which was the brothers, as it had always been intended. Misha, however, milked those moments as much as possible which was amusing at the start but got old *very* quickly, not just for fans (shippers and non shippers alike), but for other actors, in particular Jensen who is on record MULTIPLE times showing his dislike for Destiel. He told people outright that's not how he was playing the relationship between the two characters and CATEGORICALLY said "Destiel doesn't exist" but did it end there? No, it did not because neither fans or Misha let it go, in fact Misha only pushed more, goaded fans into flogging the same dead horse as much as possible. He’s never stopped, not even when there was so much discord in the fandom, a huge wedge was driven into it because of ships, which IMO he heavily contributed to.

Fast forward to over a decade later (a decade, seriously man, let it fucking go!) he didn’t even stop when Destiel did partially go canon. I have never doubted that Cas loved Dean (Sam, too) because in SPN lore angels are made to love, even rebellious ones. I, along with many others, liked that about Cas because who doesn't love a rebel, especially one rebelling for very good reasons, and because of those two wonderful men? Sam and Dean allowed him to see beyond what he'd been brainwashed to believe his entire existence. The fact is that although the nature of that love changed for Cas, it never did for Dean and was CANONICALLY UNREQUITED because Dean was incapable of loving anyone else as much as he loved Sam. All that mattered to Dean, even when he saw other characters as "family" was still Sam…ALWAYS Sam, every step of the way. Again for those who have too much Misha shaped wax in their ears, that’s canon. Whether people choose to see that love platonically or romantically is up to them, soulmates don't always have to be romantic, either way, brotherly love won out above all else on the show. No amount of Misha screaming ‘hey look, Destiel!’ changed that, but it sure didn’t stop him trying, did it?

So now that the obvious has been stated, here's something else we all know - never once in all of the years on the show did Misha drop rallying of the troops to his precious, ego stroking ship. Never once (that I am aware of) has he called out his Minions and Hellers on their continued harassment of everyone involved in the show and other fans despite the fact that they have bullied, victimised and wished bodily harm, rape and death on people who don't see their ship and because didn't get the ending to the story that they wanted. Not once has Misha shown any remorse for the trauma his "fans" have caused, and I’m taking REAL trauma, here, not the kind Twitter stans see as ‘triggering’ - people have been driven to close SM accounts, attempted, and in some cases succeeded in taking their own lives. These Minions have openly mocked Jared’s struggles with depression and anxiety, and Misha - who claims to be friends with J2 and be supportive of them in every way  - has stood by and let it all play out, knowing full well some of the goings on, if not the full extent of how toxic these people are. We know he sees things being said online, and I have absolutely no doubt he spends time online searching his name for things that are relevant in some way to him in an effort to insert himself into a current conversation, or even start one so that attention is on him. Gotta stay relevant, somehow, right, Mish?

He has actively encouraged bullying by his actions of enabling the behaviours above, both by the flogging of the aforementioned dead horse, AND by not objecting to unacceptable behaviours. Remember when Minions and Hellers were slating J2, particularly Jared, for not posting on SM about BLM and other topics? Yeah, he didn’t ask them to stop doing that, either, even when he was tagged in things along the lines of ‘If Misha can post why can’t J2?’ etc. There have been some token protests, con vids I've seen have show his 'objections' which IMO have been done in a very tongue in cheek way, meaning that those people who needed to be pulled aside and told to change their ways just carried on, because their evil overlord didn’t explicitly explain it in terms a three year old could understand that bullying and forcing your opinion on others is WRONG. Not all of his cult are young and impressionable, not by a long shot, but many of the more vocal and vitriolic ones are.

As a father himself I wonder what Misha would do if he found out that his kids were behaving in ways his Minions are? I’m aware they’re young, but kids are cruel and bullying doesn’t just happen online. Even at whatever age they are, would he laugh it off the way he appears to have done with all of this fandom toxicity? Not bloody likely! I wonder if he’s as desperate to gain the approval of his family, friends and colleagues as he appears to be for that of his Minions/Hellers? I would certainly hope so, but that question can only be answered by Misha, himself, and I can and will not presume to speak on someone else's behalf on things in their personal life. For the record I would never presume I know what J2's answers would be on anything, however I do feel that after 15 years I have an accurate gauge on what kind of people they are so would be confident that any opinion I had on a matter aligns with their morals and ethics. As much as J2 have shared of themselves with us - willingly and under no pressure to do so, I might add - we don't *know* them, but we know enough to have an informed opinion. I can’t say the same for Misha because based on the behaviour he’s repeatedly displayed, things I've heard about from other fans as well as people I know IRL who have had direct dealings with him through cons or GISH (including some very actively in the early days when it was GISHWHES) he just hasn’t seemed like a person I wanted to follow on SM. I’ve never watched any of his solo panels, though I have watched ones with both or one of the J's, mostly being left irritated because of his behaviour. Watching the J’s put up with that shit is painful, and it’s a testament to how good they are as actors that they managed to hide at least some of their disdain for as long as they did. Microexpressions give them away, particularly Jensen, and they certainly have faces I have spent many years watching closely. Beautiful faces to go with beautiful souls, both of them! <3

I have precisely ZERO interest in Destiel as a ship, very little interest in Cas as a character anymore (though I did like him in the early days,and his relationship with Jack in late seasons) so I have absolutely no reason or desire to follow anything Misha does. That said, I've obviously been peripherally aware of some things he's been involved in because of friends, from things I’ve seen on SM and general fandom stuff. Despite the things I've already mentioned about his behaviour, up until now I have been able to maintain a level of respect for him as a person because of the humanitarian and charity work he's done. He seems like someone who really does want to change the world for the better and I am in full support of that fact, so much so that I have supported TWO campaigns relating to him. I bought one of the Super Good t-shirts for the campaign he did with Michael Sheen (a true angel!), the SPN/Good Omens x-over to help homeless charities, and I chose the design with text only and not artwork of Michael and Misha on, basically because I didn’t want to be wearing something with Misha’s face on it and I make absolutely no apology for that, whatsoever. I also bought Alex's #TheEndHasNoEnd shirt, which some of the profits went to Random Acts who do great work, so again, despite not liking Misha I still willingly contributed for a cause bigger than me, and to support Alex, who I absolutely ADORE. I'm aware that Stands aren't popular with some of the fandom, however since most of the cast of SPN are happily affiliated with them then I don't feel it's my place to either judge, or to discuss topics I know next to nothing about. But I digress, as a decent human being I have shown support tangentially to a man who I don't care for out of respect for the work he does outside the fandom. Telling you this isn’t to paint myself in a good light - I don’t need your approval, I’m a big girl, unlike some I don’t need constant validation! - only to provide background on how I’ve actively *not* hated on Misha.

Now though, any respect I had for him has come to an abrupt end, the events of the past 24 hours has seen to that. Whilst I have been annoyed at his behaviour in regards to shipping, I don't feel it's ever gone this far, or at least not that I've seen first hand. This man has, IMO, contributed to so much toxicity in the fandom by way of things I've mentioned before, he's claimed - without actually saying the words - that Wincest fans weren't interested in him as a character when he came onto the show, and hasn’t felt included because of the fans’ love of the brothers. Um, hate to break it to you, love, but when you come onto an established show that is about two people, and you’re a *guest star* you can’t expect everyone to love you. Some characters we as individuals do fall in love with straight away (Bobby, Charlie, Crowley and Rowena are good examples for me), it takes time to establish a dynamic, so if that’s how he felt then it was incredibly naive of him as an actor to expect instant acceptance from anyone. Also, why wait until after the show finished to bring it up AGAIN … oh wait, yeah, that would be to step back into the limelight in a way intended to garner sympathy from Minions and INTENTIONALLY piss off bro fans and Wincest shippers alike? How fucking self centred, desperate and disrespectful do you have to be to shit all over the finale of a show that for the most part accepted you and kept you in paid work for 12 years? Well, Misha Collins levels of all of those things, obviously.  

So, on the topics of self centred, desperate to stay relevant, attention seeking and being oh so needy, the tweet yesterday from Amazon mentioned Castiel. He wasn’t tagged in it, so I refer to my earlier comment about searching online, because how else would he have possibly seen that? It’s possible someone sent it to him, I appreciate that, but if we go off past behaviour it’s not any stretch at all to believe that didn’t happen. So, once again, having seen the tweet he took it upon himself to - oh so predictably - turn it into something relating to Destiel. When I saw it I immediately rolled my eyes and thought ‘here we go again’, but then also had a little smile because I really liked the fact that he explicitly mentioned Wincest, therefore seeming to accept that his poor old dead horse wasn’t the only one in the race. I actually mentally tipped my hat to him then because it appeared that he’s matured enough to acknowledge by name the ship that predates his inclusion on the show. Great, I thought, this is a positive thing in a sea of negativity surrounding the man and his sunken ship, because what followed was Wincest trending in the US (it may also have been other countries as well but I had to sleep!) … largely due to the fact that Hellers were responding to it, calling him out on mentioning the dreaded ‘W’ word. I’ll repeat that because it’s been a rare occurrence up to that point… the Minions were actually disappointed with their overlord for mentioning another ship. We all know what they think of it and I for one, don’t give a flying fuck about their opionion. Ship and let ship, it’s all fun (or meant to be) so we have different tastes, that’s life kiddiwinks, deal with it. I mean, you really don’t have much of an example set for you when your king has proven several times over to be one of the biggest obnoxious brats out there, but just give it a try for your own sakes, yeah? Awesome, good on you, besties!

An unexpected development - to my joy and that of other Wincest shippers - them doing that got the topic trending, only *kept* trending by the fact that were all coming online asking why it was trending. Wincest shippers barely lifted a finger, we just flooded each other’s timelines with lovely content and basked in the Hellers - and Misha - shooting themselves in the foot, which was awesome. But did the vitriol stop? No. Did he get the attention he so clearly craves? Yes. Was it in the way he wanted? Fuck no, so poor, emotionally wounded baby backtracked after seeing that his name was trending alongside Wincest because that’s *so* not what someone narcissistic to do it in the first place, wanted.

Now here’s where I could easily have just moved on with an unusually fond chuckle, giving him an ironic pat on the back and a ‘thanks, Misha’ for being the one to instigate hours of fun, but once again his despicable behaviour made that impossible. It’s been more than obvious for many years that he cares more about what his fans think than anything else to do with the show and the fandom in a larger sense, but to delete the tweet and APOLOGISE for daring to be so insensitive to the snowflakes’ delicate sensibilities for mentioning Wincest in the first place was absolutely disgusting. Stating , “I used a term that I had never really given any thought to other than, "that's a thing?! Yuck." is not only complete and utter bullshit, it’s pandering of the highest order.  

We all know he has referred to Wincest on multiple occasions, so to say he hadn’t thought about is a flat out lie, which IMO is an insult to everyone, not just Wincest shippers. Does the man have no self respect at all, why would you contradict yourself in the face of such overwhelming evidence? Instead of either ignoring all the people calling him out, or addressing it with another tweet saying ‘yeah, that happened’ or something similar he chose, I repeat, CHOSE the route of claiming he didn’t realise he was being offensive to people who felt ‘triggered’ by him using the word Wincest. He basically shat all over an entire ship and large sector of the fandom in an attempt to appease his own fan base which consists of a lot of children (or those that act like children) who have no idea what RL is like.

Once again, he’s reinforced the idea that if you shout loud enough at someone just because you don’t like something they said, they will back down and apologise for something even when there’s nothing to apologise for. If he wants to be such a role model then he could easily have pointed out that a fictional ship doesn’t condone RL incest, any ACTUAL trauma people have suffered because of RL situations, and made an effort to make sure people understand that. He COULD have used it as an opportunity to do some good in the fandom by encouraging people to build bridges, to accept that people are entitled to their beliefs and that sometimes we see things differently but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t treat others with BASIC HUMAN DECENCY because of it. Instead he YET AGAIN chose to show that he cares more about what Minions think of him, keeping them onside to constantly stroke his unbelievably fragile ego in everything he does.

It is my understanding that Misha is big on (or claims to be big on) putting positive energy out into the world, treating people with respect, helping others and accepting people for who they are, not who you want them to be… all this after YEARS of consistently practising what he preaches only when it suits him. He sends out a message that it’s perfectly OK to bully, to spread hate, to draw attention to yourself at the cost of others, to throw colleagues and friends under the bus and at the same time use them to further your own agenda and get hits for your YouTube channel. Is this really the legacy he wants to leave? Is this an environment he wants his own kids to grow up in as well as future generations? Is this what he thinks is a valuable contribution as a human being? JFC, the arrogance, hypocrisy and the need for constant validation this man exhibits is nothing short of cringeworthy… actually it’s beyond that. It’s deplorable behaviour, it’s not new, and he will continue to act like this for as long as he’s being enabled and this harmful cycle needs to end.

I have friends IRL and online who are (now, possibly, were) big Misha fans, who have supported him from either the beginning of his run on the show, or since they started watching, and this is how he repays this behaviour? He’s willfully alienating decent people (including multishippers) all to make himself look good by being seen to do everything he can not to offend people. Spoiler alert, you DID offend people, you continue to do so time and again and we’ve had enough. I can’t imagine how exhausting it must be to be such a perpetual people pleaser, but let me say it’s not doing you any favours in any way, shape or form.

Misha, you are *not* a role model, you’re *not* someone to look up to when you can't live up to the ideals you preach. You’re spitting in the face of people who have supported you even after some questionable things in the past, who gave you the benefit of the doubt because we’re all human and we all make mistakes. The key to growing as a person is not to keep repeating the same mistakes over and over, understanding *why* what you said and/or did was a mistake and making a concerted effort to make changes. I don’t ever see you doing that, you will continue down this path of only caring about Minions under the guise of caring for people in general. You are transparent, you are sad and despite the fact I’ve never particularly liked you, I didn’t speak up because I didn’t want to get involved in the drama. Well now I have spoken up and I’m saying you’re a disgrace, you have no respect for other people and nobody is fooled anymore. If it hadn’t been this tweet it would have been something else, but I for one am glad it happened so soon after the show ended so we can finally be rid of the limpet-like behaviour. It’s over, let it go for the sake of what dignity you might have left, for the sake of your family and friends and for the sake of anyone who isn’t capable of seeing through your ‘it’s a joke’ mentality.

You have been weighed, you have been measured and you have been found wanting. Fuck you and the horse you rode in on, Misha.

For anyone who made it to the end of my ramble, thank you. This has been a cathartic exercise and I’m drawing a line under it now, I don’t think I could possibly make my thoughts any clearer. I urge you not to get caught up in any petty squabbles with his Minions, let’s celebrate J2 and other cast and crew members who have shown us all respect and who I am proud to call part of the SPN family. There’s always one member of the family who needs to be frozen out for the good of everyone else.

[hartigays]

rafebarry prompt: not canon compliant but rafe and barry are trying to get away from ward but barry gets hurt so rafe begs sarah + pouges (not on good terms w each other) to help them escape bc he loves barry<33

just a little something i thought about! totally up to you on how this all goes down if you decide to write it, anything you write is amazing !!

this was a stupid fucking idea. stupid, stupid, stupid. rafe knew from the beginning, he should’ve never agreed to this.

there aren’t many things that he and barry don’t agree on, surprisingly. even if they start off disagreeing about something, they generally always end up on the same page. but this plan had been something they’d gone back and forth on, never settling on a definitive decision.

in the end, barry had simply manhandled rafe over to the place he’d formerly called home - before ward booted his ass out - and waltzed them through the front door like they owned the place.

all to steal from ward, to get more money for coke and groceries (re: booze and hot pockets) and whatever other fleeting indulgences they could think of.

rafe had disagreed with this plan throughout its development and execution, not wanting to cross the one and only person in the entire world who scares him: ward cameron. and he’d been right to, because now barry is gasping for air, holding his side while blood spills from between his fingers.

they’re racing through the woods, trying to get as far away from ward’s long-range hunting rifle as they can.

rafe doesn’t know if ward knew he was barry’s companion in this little venture. he’d insisted they wear bandanas over their faces, but rafe is pretty sure ward would know his son in a heartbeat regardless.

he doesn’t even want to think about it. about the fact that ward shot barry, or that he probably would’ve shot rafe too if rafe hadn’t had the presence of mind to shove both barry and himself out of the nearest window, plunging into the bushes below before ward could get off another shot.

another shot on the person he more than likely knew to be his son.

ward had continued taking shots as rafe dragged barry across the yard and into the treeline, disappearing from view.

now, they’re back at the main road, barry collapsing against a tree as he clenches his hand around the wound in his side.

“let me see,” rafe demands, kneeling down and peeling up barry’s shirt despite barry shaking his head.

“ain’t got time, country club,” barry wheezes, trying to push rafe back so he’ll stand up and keep moving.

rafe doesn’t budge, just swipes at the blood with his shirt sleeve to get a better look at the wound. the bullet just grazed him, but it’s enough to warrant stitches at the very least.

“you’re not going to make it to the emergency room like this,” rafe comments absentmindedly, pulling out his phone a firing off a text to topper letting him know he’s going to need to borrow his car.

barry manages to push rafe back an inch this time, shaking his head furiously. “ain’t no way i’m goin’ to no damn hospital. i ain’t got insurance and your daddy done cut you off months ago. how you gonna pay for my little siesta in the ER with them empty pockets?”

and okay, he has a point. rafe will admit that. not to mention, ward has people all over the OBX, and if he sends out word about looking for his son, they’ll surely be caught if they’re trapped in the emergency room.

there’s only one other place rafe can think to go. one place where ward won’t know to look, one place where barry can get some medical help without having to shell out a fortune.

rafe may have to grovel a bit (or a lot), but he’ll do it. damn it, he’ll fucking do it because barry is going to bleed out if he doesn’t and that would really fucking suck because rafe was just starting to sort of like him.

he must’ve said that last part out loud, because barry manages to glare at him and say, “quit that shit. we been dating for a year, dickhead.”

then barry sort of slumps to the side, and rafe has to all but carry him to topper’s place.

rafe has just gotten the keys topper keeps in the cupholder into the ignition when he looks at his phone, seeing a text from top.

can’t let u borrow the car tonight, have a thing in the morning. srry bud.

rafe glances over at barry, who’s blacked out in the passenger’s seat, fresh blood still seeping out of his shirt.

“sorry about this, top,” rafe says to himself, turning the key and hearing the engine roar to life. “i’ll get you back later.”

he peels out of the driveway, speeding down the familiar streets until they become more and more unfamiliar, figure eight bleeding into the cut.

he zooms past more and more unfamiliar houses, searching for the only one he knows, starting to feel hopeless, starting to really worry that barry might actually die in the passenger’s seat of his car.

or topper’s car, rather. it’d be super annoying to have to apologize for that on top of having to apologize for stealing it in the first place, to be honest.

then suddenly, rafe is idling outside a house that is both familiar and unfamiliar. the few times he’s been here before, he’d been fucked up beyond belief and fueled by violent anger. it seems almost foreign to him now, while he’s sober as a judge (only due to his current circumstances, mind you) and fueled by nothing but pure adrenaline.

rafe practically drags barry to the house. there are all sorts of lights on, both inside and out, and rafe can hear the sounds of music and laughter drifting out from an open window nearby.

he only hesitates for a moment before circling around the house and banging on the door.

john b answers the door with a smile, a small wad of cash in his hand, clearly expecting some sort of food delivery. his smile fades instantly when he realizes it’s not his pizza or what the fuck ever, and is in fact rafe cameron and a half-dead barry.

“no,” is all john b says before trying to shut the door. rafe kicks his leg out, foot jamming between the door and the frame, preventing john b from closing it.

“fuck off, rafe,” john b grunts as he tries to shut the door. rafe can hear concerned voices from inside the house. “you’re not dragging us into whatever shit this is! literally fuck. off.”

“sarah!” rafe shouts, ignoring john b’s protests. “sarah!”

footsteps, and then sarah is pushing john b out of the way gently, looking at rafe in confusion, then at barry in horror.

“rafe? oh my god, what happened?”

sarah ushers them into the house, and rafe is literally dragging barry at this point. still, no one helps him get barry onto the couch. he manages regardless, but he’s panting when it’s all said and done, sliding down onto the floor with a grunt.

“i need you to help him,” rafe says, and he’s looking at pope, who’s seated in the corner beside jj, a guitar that he’s no longer strumming still sitting in his lap.

but john b is the one to answer, shaking his head. “no. besides, we can’t even help him. we don’t know how to do shit like that.”

“he does,” rafe says, still looking at pope, who’s now looking at barry thoughtfully.

“what?” kie laughs, looking bewildered. “pope may be smart, yeah, but he doesn’t have a medical degree. this guy needs a doctor.”

“i know how,” pope sighs, and rafe suppresses a smug smile. “i volunteered at the hospital last summer, remember?”

“and you knew this how?” john b asks rafe, accusatory.

“he was on my rounds once,” pope says calmly, leveling rafe with an unreadable look. “alcohol poisoning and a drug overdose all in one night.”

rafe fights the urge to look away, choosing instead to shrug nonchalantly.

“just another night in the cut, right?” rafe asks, arching one brow. “look, we can dredge up my poor life choices later, if it’ll make you all feel better and get your fucking panties out of a wad. but right now he needs help, so are you going to give him that or are you going to let him bleed out on your ugly ass couch?”

“i say let him bleed out,” john b snaps, clearly irked by rafe’s demands and insults.

rafe wants to knock the guy’s teeth down his throat, but he just breathes steadily through his nose. just like barry has been teaching him. “we can’t go to a hospital. no insurance, and ward’s hunting us down as we speak. so do i want to fucking be here? no. but i have to, so name your fucking price and we’ll pay it.”

“besides,” rafe continues, turning his eyes to sarah, challenging her, “you’re not just going to let someone die, are you?”

sarah narrows her eyes, hands perched on her hips. “no, that’s more your style, isn’t it?” then, she looks at pope. “come on, help him. he isn’t dying on john b’s couch. that’s way too creepy for me to deal with right now.”

pope nods and disappears from the room as sarah and john b bicker quietly. kie and jj glare daggers at rafe, while also eyeing barry, lying on the couch looking far more dead than alive.

when pope reappears, he has a first aid kit in one hand and a sewing kit in the other. he shoos rafe out of the way. rafe just scoots a little further to the left to give pope room, but stays close to barry.

“rafe, we need to talk,” sarah says after a moment. “outside?”

rafe shakes his head. “not until i know he’s okay.”

the room falls silent, and rafe looks around, glaring. “what, it’s illegal to care about people now? fuck off.”

“so do you want us to like… give you a room, or something? maybe some champagne and rose petals? we could get some ambient beats going, really set the mood, you know- ”

kie throws a pillow at jj, effectively shutting him up. “gross, jj. don’t put that image into my head.”

“look, whatever,” sarah interrupts, rolling her eyes. “but once he’s patched up, we’re having a conversation.”

rafe puts his hands up in mock surrender. “your house, your rules.”

he’s only trying to irritate john b, and it works. rafe smiles to himself when john b starts grumbling about it being his house actually, storming off to his room, undoubtedly to pout. sarah follows, and kie and jj trail after them a moment later. jj is the only one to look back, throwing a concerned look in pope’s direction before inevitably disappearing into john b’s bedroom.

rafe looks back at barry, all smugness disappearing from his expression when he sees just how bad the wound really is now that pope has cleaned it up a bit.

he really doesn’t care if he has to talk to sarah later - all he knows is that if barry dies, he’s sure as hell not going to be outside listening to sarah bitch at him when it happens.

rafe takes one of barry’s hands, ignoring the way pope’s eyes flicker down to the movement before returning to his work, remaining silent.

“you love him,” pope says suddenly, still not looking at rafe. he’s began sewing up the wound, his hands surprisingly steady.

“what’s it to you?” rafe asks defensively, but he curls his fingers tighter around barry’s, a little possessively.

pope just shrugs, like he doesn’t really care one way or another. “just an observation.”

he ties off the thread and cleans up the remaining dried blood from the wound with a rubbing alcohol-soaked cotton ball before applying a bandage and tugging barry’s shirt back down. it’s a lost cause, the shirt, but rafe appreciates the gesture anyway.

“it’s good to know you care about someone other than yourself,” pope says, finally turning towards rafe and giving him a hard look. “maybe there’s hope for assholes like you after all.”

rafe opens his mouth to say something bitchy back, but pope just claps him on the shoulder, stands and cracks his back, then leaves the room.

it’s just rafe and a passed out barry now. at least this way he can openly worry about his boyfriend, gnawing on his lip as he thinks about what it’ll be like if barry doesn’t make it.

rafe has been living with barry for some time now, ever since ward kicked him out. it’d started with sarah - she’d ran away and no one had known where. rafe ended up finding out through topper, but never seemed to get around to telling ward. don’t ask him why - he really doesn’t fucking know.

after sarah’s disappearance, ward’s temper reached its peak and rafe was kicked out mere weeks after his sister had gone missing. he stayed with topper for a while at first, often making trips to the cut to harass the dirty pogues who’d whisked his sister away from their supposedly happy family and her happy relationship with one of rafe’s closest friends.

when topper’s mother got sick of rafe loitering around her house, the only place left to go was barry’s. it’d helped that they’d already been screwing around for a while, initially so rafe could get discounts on coke, then turning into a full blown something over time.

their relationship has a definition now. barry had manhandled rafe into bed one evening and declared them to be officially official. meaning a relationship, meaning a bunch of figuring shit out as he goes because rafe sure as shit has never done any of this before.

he’s also pretty sure other relationships don’t involve hard drugs and robberies and shootings, so he thinks he’s got a few more obstacles to overcome than most when traveling the rocky road of a first relationship.

“rafe?” sarah calls, suddenly re-entering the room. “think we can talk now?”

rafe looks at her for a long moment. she looks different - happier, maybe? rafe wonders if he looks the same. maybe not right at this moment, with barry’s limp, clammy hand resting between his own, waiting on bated breath for barry’s eyes to blink open.

the need to hear barry’s slow drawl of coUnTrY cLUuUb is almost too much to bear, so rafe cuts his line of thought off, nods at sarah in answer to her question, and follows her outside.

they don’t talk for a long while, just staring out across the yard in silence. it’s not uncomfortable, per se, but rafe still wishes she’d say what she wants to say so he can get back inside. back to barry.

“this is a one time deal, you know,” sarah finally tells him.

when he looks at her from the corner of his eye, she’s staring directly at him, her expression serious. “i know,” is all he can come up with.

“i expect a thank you, just so you know.”

“i’m not thanking you,” rafe says immediately.

sarah actually smiles, just a little bit, then parrots back, “i know.”

“what did you want to talk to me about?” rafe asks eventually, pulling a cigarette from the pack he keeps in his pocket and lighting up.

sarah doesn’t answer for a moment, then shrugs, looking down at her hands. “i hate you, for the way you’ve treated me. and my friends. but sometimes i miss you. i miss my brother. what happened to you?”

it’s almost like she’s just thinking aloud, but rafe knows it’s a genuine question. one he doesn’t have an answer to. because he doesn’t really know where he went wrong - just that he could never seem to get anything right. not as a kid, not as a teenager, and not now as an adult.

“i don’t know,” rafe answers honestly, for the first time in a long time. he doesn’t know what else to say, so he tells her, simply, “but thank you for helping anyway.”

yeah, yeah. he wasn’t going to thank her, blah blah blah. whatever, shit happens.

the back door swings open, and rafe and sarah turn to watch barry stumble out of the house, still clutching his side but finally looking like a living, breathing person instead of a corpse.

“ain’t i tell you them things gonna rot your lungs?” is the first thing he says, plucking the cigarette from rafe’s lips and taking a drag.

rafe rolls his eyes, but lets barry rope him into a hug, careful not to bump into his wound.

“ugh, gross,” sarah huffs, making fake gagging noises before going back inside. rafe doesn’t miss the small smile that’s playing on her lips, though, and he’s suddenly filled with warmth.

it’s disgusting, and he’s surprised that he’s missed it. and that maybe, deep down, he’s missed his sister, too.

she said this is a one time deal, but maybe there’s a possibility of reconciliation. it’s a thought to revisit at a later date, rafe decides, wanting to focus on this moment right here, where barry is blessedly alive and safe.

so rafe just leans down a bit and buries his face in barry’s neck, taking a deep breath, feeling barry inhale and exhale around his cigarette as they stand in each other’s arms, companionable silence falling around them.

“you done saved my life, country club,” barry says, the first to break the silence.

rafe smiles against barry’s neck at the nickname, pressing a kiss to barry’s pulse point before pulling back a bit to look at him.

“yeah, you’re the only one who knows how to empty the septic tank,” rafe replies, deadpan.

barry throws his head back and laughs, one hand coming up to cradle the back of rafe’s head, pulling him down gently so he can press a kiss to his forehead.

“damn good thing you saved my ass, then.”

“sure is.”

when barry kisses rafe, he tastes like tobacco and blood, sour and metallic on his tongue. rafe should think it’s gross, but he just kisses barry harder, trying to scrub all the thoughts he’d had about barry dying from his memory.

it helps to have barry here, real and solid in rafe’s arms, lips soft against his own.

“can we get outta this shithole and back to our shithole?” barry asks when they separate, his chest rising and falling rapidly. “‘m pretty sure them shits would object to us christening their couch.”

rafe, for a moment, is tempted to try just to see what kind of reaction he’d get. but instead of following the urge, he lets barry guide him back to topper’s stolen car.

“who’s ride is this?” barry asks when they’re both buckled in, backing away from the routledge property.

“topper’s,” rafe explains, smirking to himself. “i, uh. borrowed it for the time being.”

“for the time being?” barry questions, and when rafe looks at him, barry is looking right back, brows raised and amusement written all over his face.

“mhm,” rafe confirms, matter-of-factly.

barry just glances around the car, a slow smirk spreading across his lips. “sweet ride. think ol’ topper’d object to a little christening, too?”

rafe starts the car, letting his own smirk grow. “as a matter of fact, i think he would.”

barry blinks at him, then stares at his nails casually.

“so where we gonna park her?”

rafe just smiles, peeling away from the routledge house, cruising into the night.

“i know just the place.”

[lifeisdabubbles-undersalmondean]

Drabble ~ Jerk

Pairing: Sam x reader

Fic summary: Dean can’t help being an older sibling any more than you can help being a younger one.

Word Count: 1100

Warnings: {swearing, period blood mentions (if that bothers you), fluff}

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You and Sam suddenly broke apart with a loud lip smack upon hearing the sound of the knob turning on the motel room door that adjoined your room with the brother’s. You had just enough time to share a panicked expression before Sam leapt out of your arms and shuffled hurriedly to sit on the very edge of the bed. He smoothed his clothes, then leaned forward on his knees to hide the evidence of your activity and you yanked the blanket over your pantsless bottom half just in time for Dean to come bursting in.

You and the youngest Winchester had been dancing around your feelings for eons, and had only recently started exploring them. You'd purposefully kept Dean out of the loop thus far, so as to avoid unnecessary (and what would surely be incessant) commentary. He never cared that his opinion wasn't wanted.

With an excited clap, Dean asked, "Alright, you guys are taking forever, so I assume you’re ready! Right? Who's ready??" With some relief, you decided that it seemed Dean was too excited about something to notice the two of you acting squirrely.

"Ready for what?" You croaked out, wiping your lips discreetly and trying to sound casual and not breathless.

"For what?" Dean looked between the two of you, wounded, causing you and Sam to share a bemused smirk. "For what?? For A Little Taste of Heaven that's what! The diner--"

You rolled your eyes with an understanding groan, "Oh, right, right. The diner; breakfast. Now I remember." Come to think of it, before the kissing, Sam had mentioned coming over to ask if you were ‘hungry.’ You’d just assumed he was being flirty.

Dean’s grin was wide and opened mouthed while he rubbed his hands together excitedly, "Five gas stations in a row have recommended this place. I am so pumped." Patting his stomach proudly, he boasted, "haven't eaten breakfast since yesterday, so I'm good and ready. Starving actually, so, what’s taking so long?"

You gave him a funny look, then shook your head and chuckled, "You have a problem."

"Also, do we really think it's wise to go to a diner called that? 'A Little Taste Of Heaven'? Seems… almost too coincidental for us." It seemed like Sam was only semi-joking. Honestly, you couldn't help but agree with a quick chortle, and Dean's face fell.

"You two aren't backing out on me now? C'mon, (Y/N)! The guy in Toledo said the waffles there were orgasmic and I believe your exact words were: 'I'll happily be the judge of that'."

You mouthed your own words along with him as he spoke and then shark-mouthed in defeat. You couldn't disagree with the wise words of your past self and you were hungry. You and Dean then both looked at Sam. His expression was almost exaggeratedly dubious. He made Dean wait in agony while he seemed to be giving the request some serious thought.

Finally, the younger man gave a deep sigh, "Sure, why not? I could go for an egg white omelet. And if we do happen to stumble into an apocalypse, we'll just--"

"Order waffles, so we can get one last good one in before the end at least?" You suggested with a cackle.

"Solid plan!" Dean's quick, genuine laugh was abrupt before he ordered, "so, let's go!"

As Dean walked through your room and headed for the exit, Sam glanced back at you to see if you needed any assistance. He raised an eyebrow at your panicked expression, confused. Then it hit him: you weren't wearing pants. Come to think of it, he wasn’t exactly recovered yet either.

Dean stopped in the doorway and turned back expectantly, "... Well??"

“Er, uh… y-you go ahead, I still have to help (Y/N) with…” Sam tried to come up with an explanation that didn't lend itself to a lot of questions, but came up empty.

Dean didn’t move an inch, staring him down expectantly, “...Wiiiiiiiith? Just come on, I’m hungry! Quit dawdling.”

Sam beg-shouted, “Just go dude, we’re right behind you!”

Dean stood his ground, looking innocent, “Can’t we all just get up and go now? What’s the hold up? (Y/N)?”

Sam hung his head for a moment and then looked at you helplessly. You almost gave up, and then had an idea.

“Fine, Dean. If you must know, I...” You hesitated, catching Sam’s eye and trying to figure out if this was going to be worth it or not. In the end, it didn’t matter that Dean knew you and Sam were together, but you just couldn’t let him win. It wasn’t in your nature.

With an embarrassed shrug, you ‘admitted’, “I woke up with my period, OK?”

Even though he knew you were lying, Dean couldn’t help but jerk back in initial aversion, “Eeoh...kay.” He stood awkwardly, trying to figure out how to regain the upper hand.

Seeing his reaction caused you to double down with a frustrated sigh, “Yeah, and it was one of those real heavy starts, too. Period blood just everywhere!” Your eyes were wide with apology and shrugged helplessly, really hamming it up. Dean tried to keep his face neutral as he nodded understandingly, his eyes darting uncomfortably around the room. Sam was shaking his head in begrudged amusement as you continued, “Sam offered to help me clean up, but since you’re so keen to get us moving, you could always--”

With a quick shake of his head, Dean yanked the door open and denied your invitation, “Nope, I’m all good. I’ll be outside. Hurry.”

As he disappeared, you pushed your luck with a laugh, “Oh come on! You touch blood all the time!”

Dean's head popped back into view and he looked Sam up and down, “You’ve got Sammy to help.” Then, with a catlike grin, he added, “Which is perfect; more of a boyfriend’s job anyway."

You flushed red instantly and gasped in indignant anger. Sam’s expression was half guilty, half amused. The jig was up and you both knew you would never hear the end of it. Still, it felt kinda nice that it was finally out in the open.

When Dean began cackling, though, you were filled with irritation at his smugness and finally sputter-shouted, “JERK!”

Dean smirked and opened his mouth to respond, but Sam cut him off with a threatening, “Watch it.”

The older man rolled his eyes at the smug look on your face and groaned, “So it begins.”

[robininthelabyrinth]

Delight in Misery (ao3) - part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6

- Chapter 7 -

“Why are you covered in feathers?” Jiang Cheng asked, and then immediately afterward added, “On second thought, don’t tell me, I don’t want to know.”

Lan Wangji checked himself over and brushed off the few feathers that had ended up on his shoulder. “Are there any others?” he asked solemnly. “They might be evidence.”

Jiang Cheng’s eye twitched, as Lan Wangji had intended. “I don’t want to know,” he repeated, and Lan Wangji believed it about as much as he’d believed it the first time Jiang Cheng said it – which was to say, not at all. “I don’t want to…okay, fine, tell me.”

“You don’t want to know,” Lan Wangji informed him, and Jiang Cheng looked as though he was considering strangling him. “I will explain later. For the moment, it is best to pretend as if you know nothing.”

“I really don’t know anything,” Jiang Cheng said.

“That will make pretending easier.”

Jiang Cheng rolled his eyes at him, but stopped arguing, and Lan Wangji felt warmth in his belly at the instant capitulation. All of his life experiences had conspired to make Jiang Cheng an untrusting person, suspicious almost to the point of paranoia and constantly afraid of losing everything to the unknown, and yet he chose to trust Lan Wangji without question.

“Is there anything else I should know?” Jiang Cheng asked with one of his friendlier scowls, crossing his arms over his chest. “Or not know, as the case may be?”

Lan Wangji considered for a moment. “Don’t count the number of Jiang sect disciples leaving with you,” he suggested, and Jiang Cheng’s eyebrows shot up. “Consider storming out in a fury the next time someone insults you.”

“You were right,” Jiang Cheng said. “I didn’t want to know.”

Lan Wangji heard footsteps and put his hands behind his back. “Naturally, Sect Leader Jiang is entitled to change his mind. I understand it happens often.”

Jiang Cheng’s eyes narrowed. “You must be struggling with coming out of seclusion, Hanguang-jun,” he remarked. “To come mucking around with the rest of us after spending so long on - avoiding worldly matters, let’s say.”

The sect leaders passing by sped up with expressions suggesting that they were dreadfully curious but did not want to get involved in a repeat of the fight that was rather infamously had throughout the Lotus Pier, with all of the attendant property damage (that they’d paid for later, but still).

Once they’d passed, Lan Wangji gave Jiang Cheng a look that suggested he did not appreciate the joke. Jiang Cheng appeared undeterred.

He also appeared, on closer examination, somewhat tired.

Lan Wangji frowned and stepped closer, lowering his voice. “You have not slept.”

“I’m fine,” Jiang Cheng said, and realized his mistake at once – such excess vehemence meant that he was lying, and badly, too. “It’s your fault, anyway.”

“My fault?”

“Entirely your fault. I can’t eat my lunch without wondering why you’re not plucking away on your guqin the way you normally do at that hour, I can’t finish my paperwork without trying to find you to ask for your views, I can’t sleep without hearing you making noise next door…who made you fit yourself in so well at the Lotus Pier?”

“You,” Lan Wangji said dryly, ignoring the warmth he felt. Surely it was wrong to feel touched when someone’s unhealthy co-dependence with you was mentioned. “When you kidnapped me.”

“It was only technically kidnapping,” Jiang Cheng grumbled. “And only at first, anyway…really, it’s no big deal. Just had a few bad nights.”

Jiang Cheng’s nights fell on a scale between decent, mediocre, bad, and genuinely horrific, and he generally only conceded that something was ‘bad’ when it fell toward the lower end of the scale – when his thoughts kept scattering like a flock of bird being chased off their perch, returning to circle around sore subjects and drill worries into his skull, when there would be blood and bile and panic and his mind would linger on anxieties he had long ago put aside in the light of day.

He hadn’t had one of those in months – and now he had had a few?

“Because I…?”

Jiang Cheng shook his head. “A-Ling had a temper tantrum last week,” he explained, voice low and more than a little helpless. “I think he misses you and A-Yuan, and he’s at the age for pushing his boundaries, too…he told me that his Wei-jiujiu wouldn’t have made him eat his vegetables.”

He would have, of course, Lan Wangji reflected. He remembered how Wei Wuxian had been with A-Yuan, always mercilessly teasing him. Wei Wuxian had a spine when it came to children, one that wouldn’t crack into a thousand pieces at the first sob – that was Jiang Cheng, who was all bluster and bark without the slightest bit of bite.

But that wasn’t the issue, not when Jiang Cheng’s soul was a patchwork of ragged wounds and insecurity, a lifetime of being second-best and second-loved, and on his worst days he would voice doubts that he’d even been esteemed as much as that.

By his father, by his mother, by his sister, by Wei Wuxian himself –  

“Maybe he would’ve done better,” Jiang Cheng murmured, his eyes already blank with self-hatred – no doubt this was what had kept him up on those bad nights, the angry whispers of a too-fragile mind that said why did he leave me, why wasn’t I good enough, he said he’d stay by my side and then took the first chance he could to leave me behind, that said it couldn’t have been him that did all those things and betrayed me like that, no, he must have died earlier on and it was my fault for not noticing, that said if it’s all my fault then it all makes sense, it’s always because of me, no one ever stays with me.

That said if it’s my fault then it’ll happen again.

Lan Wangji did not like those nights.

“Mm,” he said mildly. “And then A-Ling would also know how to hide dirty pictures in awkward places.”

Lan Wangji had never been good at comforting people, having always been the one being comforted, and his failure to convey his feelings to Wei Wuxian during his life spoke volumes regarding his ability to communicate – but he knew Jiang Cheng.

After so long living together, he knew him.

(Jiang Cheng wasn’t the only one who had difficulty sleeping without those familiar sounds next door.)

Sure enough, Jiang Cheng choked, his eyes clearing up, and he spent the next few breaths struggling not to burst out laughing. “We’re supposed to be arguing,” he hissed at Lan Wangji, who smirked – from a distance it would certainly look as though they were arguing, Jiang Cheng’s cheeks all red and his shoulders shaking in what a stranger might mistake for rage. “You stone-faced bastard, that’s not funny.”

Lan Wangji disagreed. Jiang Cheng’s reaction was, in fact, extremely funny.

“We will need to diversify our collection of such things,” Lan Wangji said thoughtfully. “Given the inclinations of our future house guest…”

“I am not buying Mo Xuanyu pictures of – ! He can buy it himself if he wants…wait, you’re really planning to have him come with us?”

“He will die if he remains,” Lan Wangji said simply, because it was that simple. Their conversation, however brief, had been extremely informative. “And so he must not remain. We have concocted a plan.”

“We? I wasn’t involved in this.”

“Myself, and Nie Huaisang.”

Lan Wangji was expecting some sort of reaction to that – what, he wasn’t sure, possibly disbelief or ridicule or even panic that they were entrusting themselves to the most useless fop to grace the current generation of cultivators – but instead Jiang Cheng relaxed, looking pleased. “Oh, well, Nie Huaisang,” he said, as if that explained anything at all.

“You trust him?”

Jiang Cheng shrugged. “I don’t not trust him?” he hazarded, and seemed rather helplessly puzzled by his own ease with the situation. “He’s terrible at anything a sect heir ought to be good at, but he’ll come up with the wildest sort of things if it’s nonsense he’s after, and he usually gets his way in the end. He’s a pretty good judge as to how likely his chances at success are, too.”

“He’s smarter than he looks,” Lan Wangji agreed, his voice neutral.

“Don’t tell me you fell for his ‘who, me, a person capable of doing anything, surely not’ act,” Jiang Cheng said, looking vastly amused. Lan Wangji might normally object to such teasing, but if it got Jiang Cheng away from his dangerous self-hatred, he’d take it – even if the idea that Jiang Cheng, master of obliviousness, had correctly judged a person that he himself had misjudged seemed just plain wrong. “He just does that to anyone he thinks might squeal on him to his brother.”

Lan Wangji probably would have, too. Still, he felt that Jiang Cheng should have warned him better.

He glared.

“Second Young Master Lan has no grounds for complaining at his own lack of perception,” Jiang Cheng said, and Lan Wangji noted again the presence of people in their vicinity. “It’s all that navel-gazing you do in the Cloud Recesses, no doubt – should I start to worry about A-Yuan?”

“Lan Yuan,” Lan Wangji said snippily, then added, “Lan Sizhui.”

Jin Rulan, Jiang Cheng mouthed at him, and both of them were forced to briefly avert their faces in sheer amusement. Poor Jin Ling – no one would ever call him by his courtesy name, not if even his two guardians weren’t able to keep a straight face.

(Well, comparatively speaking. Lan Wangji was well aware that his own expression of deep amusement looked, to the uninitiated, exactly like his neutral expression but for a very slight narrowing of the eyes.)

The footsteps passed, and Jiang Cheng relaxed once more. Lan Wangji was pleased to see it, but acknowledged that if they were to keep up the pretense of disliking each other, deplorable political necessity that it was, they would need to do better in the future.

“Today will be a disaster,” Lan Wangji murmured, a warning. “But beneficial in the long run. Do not take what they say to heart.”

He would not have said it if Jiang Cheng was not more fragile than usual. Normally, Jiang Cheng could, after years of practice, let insults flow off his back like water from a duck, unmoving and uncaring – he was a flawed man in many ways, Lan Wangji acknowledged, but he generally only had to make a mistake once to learn from it.

For instance, he would never again allow the poisoned words of others to interfere with those he loved.

Not when he still tormented himself for not having done more for Wei Wuxian, as if there had been more Jiang Cheng could have done without losing everything else he held dear – not even Lan Wangji, who was helplessly and hopelessly in love with Wei Wuxian and couldn’t keep himself from sometimes playing Inquiry in search of him, summoned his ghost into their lives so often as Jiang Cheng did.

“Sometimes I wonder what goes through your head,” Jiang Cheng remarked, glaring at the perceived commentary about his lack of emotional resiliency no matter how accurate. “And then I realize I don’t want to know.”

“Lying is forbidden.”

“I am not a Lan. And, yes, fine, it’s a lie. If I could crack you open and crawl into your head, I probably would, but that doesn’t make you special or anything. I’d do that to most people.”

Lan Wangji believed it – Jiang Cheng was just that insecure.

He didn’t let Jiang Cheng change the subject, though, continuing to stare at him until Jiang Cheng shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other, rolling his eyes. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll prepare for a calamity and storm out as quickly as possible. What are they possibly going to say about me now?”

They said he was like his father.

It was usually meant as a compliment, but not always. In this case, it was the latter: the implication that Jiang Cheng would, like his father, eventually forget to care for the child he already had when another, better one came along put an especially ugly expression on his face.

As Nie Huaisang had gleefully predicted, Jin Guangshan was enraged to the point of maddening by the prank they had pulled and framed Mo Xuanyu for. Nor could he be blamed, the prank was positive infantile, and highlighted Mo Xuanyu’s relative youth and immaturity, losing his father and sect face in the process. Everyone had wanted to talk about that, about how extremely obvious it was that Mo Xuanyu’s only use was to humiliate the already legitimized Jin Guangyao, but in deference to their host they turned their conversation onto past examples like Jiang Fengmian – and, of course, the more recent example of the ongoing fight between Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji over Lan Sizhui.

Jiang Cheng had had no choice but to ignore it, no matter how his face purpled in rage at the suggestion that he might neglect either Lan Sizhui or Jin Ling in favor of the other.  Still, no one had really questioned it when he left in a huff not long after in response to an extremely unfortunate comment by the ever-feckless Nie Huaisang (of course: Lan Wangji shouldn’t have doubted him) about the ability of young men to handle child-rearing, returning to the Lotus Pier in a fury with a parting shot about how the Lotus Pier, at least, did not follow the Wen sect in encouraging the indoctrination of children – a vicious and unwarrented smear regarding the Lan sect’s lectures that made Lan Qiren almost visibly see red and Lan Xichen frown but which Lan Wangji thought was rather useful to their ultimate goal.

When later it was discovered that Mo Xuanyu had apparently run away – and based on the clues that had been left behind, that he must have pulled off his escape by disguising himself as part of Jiang Cheng’s retinue – Jin Guangshan was so angry that smoke nearly poured out of his ears, to the point that Jin Guangyao hastily came up with some excuse to briefly remove him from the scene.

Nie Huaisang winked at Lan Wangji from behind his fan, looking pleased with himself, and he looked so ridiculous that Lan Wangji had to forcefully remind himself once again of his personal revelation that the second young master of Qinghe Nie was far away from being the useless waste that he presented himself as.

Far more effective a reminder, though, was Jin Guangshan’s announcement later that day that he would indulge Mo Xuanyu’s desire for a little bit of freedom – natural in a boy of that age, he’d chuckled, playing the indulgent father – by requesting that Jiang Cheng keep him for some time at the Lotus Pier to tutor his young cousin Jin Ling in the ways of Lanling Jin.

Just as Nie Huaisang had so enthusiastically and confidently said he would.

“And with Hanguang-jun there to supervise, there will be no question of misconduct,” Chifeng-zun said, nodding in approval at the proposal. “Your son and grandson will benefit twice over! I think our younger generation is stronger for having all gathered together in one place, whether learning at the Cloud Recesses or resisting the oppression of the Wen sect…”

“That requires there to be a younger generation,” someone in the crowd interjected, as they almost always did when someone of their present generation mentioned the next. “Sect Leader Nie, don’t you think it’s time you settled down?”

“Why are you looking to me?” he demanded, looking annoyed. “Zewu-jun is equally unattached, and he ranks first on the list of women’s hearts, doesn’t he?”

“On the list of young masters, of which I no longer count,” Lan Xichen stressed hastily, holding up his hands in a vain attempt to ward off the discussion topic. “At any rate, I’m far too busy to be interested in courting at the moment – anyway, wasn’t Sandu Shengshou trying to set up a match some time back?”

“Didn’t he get blackballed?” Sect Leader Qin, ever Jin Guangshan’s faithful dog, interjected, always on the look-out for a way to denigrate the other Great Sects. “I didn’t even know that was possible –”

“At least he’s demonstrated the ability to care for a child –”

Lan Wangji decided that that was an excellent time to make his escape. This was one situation in which he especially did not want to get held up as a positive comparison.

His uncle went with him.

“Very cleverly done,” Lan Qiren remarked as they strolled into one of the many gardens that peppered Lanling City and Jinlin Tower in particular, and Lan Wangji looked at him sidelong. “Matchmaking and children are the favorite subjects of old men; by the time the noise dies down, Sect Leader Jin’s decision as to his newest son will be considered as settled and unquestionable. It was good of your brother – and Chifeng-zun, of course – to throw themselves on their swords for you.”

Lan Wangji put his hands behind his back, uncomfortable. “I did not ask them to act.”

His uncle said nothing. He didn’t need to – if perhaps Chifeng-zun was somewhat opaque to them both, his sheer straightforwardness ironically enough serving to conceal any subtle thoughts he might have, Lan Xichen was as clear as a calm lake. He had jumped into the conversation at just the right moment, saying words that would only inflame the situation rather than calm it, displaying just enough dismay to be humorous without actually appearing, to those that knew him well, to be surprised at all.

“It was Nie Huaisang’s idea,” Lan Wangji added, and that did get Lan Qiren’s eyebrows to rise up in surprise. Probably wondering, just as Lan Wangji was, when exactly Nie Huaisang had had the opportunity to rope the Venerated Triad into his scheme – as far as Lan Wangji could tell, he hadn’t had any opportunity to speak to them.

Still, however intriguing the speculation was, it wasn’t enough to dissuade his uncle from his target.  

“The motivation was yours,” he said, the question implicit.

“Mo Xuanyu requested Jiang Cheng’s assistance,” Lan Wangji explained. “He is – unhappy, in Lanling, and ill-suited to it. Jiang Cheng feared that he might one day bring harm upon himself if he remained.”

His uncle nodded slowly, looking thoughtful. “Having him at the Lotus Pier to teach Jin Ling the ways of Lanling Jin also means that there is no urgent need for Jin Ling to return to Lanling himself. He can remain with Sect Leader Jiang.”

“Yes.”

His uncle huffed out a breath and leaned down to smell one of the flowers. “I will give you some books before you return to the Lotus Pier,” he said. “Mo Xuanyu is already past thirteen; it is not at all the same as dealing with small children. You will need to be prepared.”

Lan Wangji looked at his uncle, a little surprised. He had expected more resistance to this scheming plot, which was not at all in line with Lan sect principles.

“Mo Xuanyu is old enough to make his own decisions,” his uncle said, his eyes still fixed on the flower. “If he cannot happy here, he should go to where he can be.”

Lan Wangji’s heart trembled within his chest. He’d thought – his uncle, who had led the charge at the Burial Mounds, who had been the most disappointed at all of his choices–

“I am sorry that we did not suit you, Wangji.”

Lan Wangji exhaled, hard, feeling a stinging feeling in his eyes and nose.

He had not expected an apology.

It didn’t change everything all at once, of course. He was still angry, still spiteful, still furious, fill of bile and bone-deep rage at how his own family had so thoroughly failed to trust in him that they would take away even his right to choose. His belly was heavy with his resentment at how they disapproved of him, how they were ashamed of him, and it would take more than mere words to liberate him from it.

But still, he had to admit – there was something more complicated about it now.

It had been easier, he thought, to be merely angry.

“It was not you,” he said, a small concession. “If the circumstances were different, I could have lived my whole life at the Cloud Recesses with no dissatisfaction.”

“But they aren’t,” his uncle said, bowing his head in understanding. “And you can’t. I – do not understand, and I do not like it, but that is not necessary. It is still my dearest wish for you to be happy and safe.”

Lan Wangji wasn’t sure that being truly happy was possible in a world that lacked Wei Wuxian – a world his uncle had helped bring about with his own two hands – but he knew that the life he had built with Jiang Cheng in the Lotus Pier, warm and tightly packed and full of worries as it was, was as close as he would come, and a life of solitude and distance and tranquility at the Cloud Recesses would only be worse.

“I have another month left before I return,” he pointed out, seeking to change the subject.

“Not after that conversation,” Lan Qiren said, looking reluctantly amused. “You will be sent to the Lotus Pier as soon as can be managed to make sure that everyone is being properly supervised.”

“Jiang Cheng can supervise.”

“Jiang Wanyin won’t.”

Lan Wangji bowed his head to hide a smile. His uncle wasn’t wrong.

And he had to admit - he wouldn’t miss Jiang Cheng dealing with a teenager for the world.

[mega-ringsandthings-world]

Might be long, just wanted to give my two cents if you'd let me. Sorry for the trolls, I guess to be expected with YA franchises like these, they tend to get VERY toxic over surprisingly little.

Both Peeta and Gale treat Katniss wrongly at points in the story, but Peeta is the only one to ever apologize at all. Katniss just is silent or forgives him on her own terms like "he's not like this" when he shows her time and again that he IS.

Mostly talking about up to Catching Fire with this because Mockingjay is a can of worms and not everyone has to agree with the character progression, but the scene where Gale literally pushes Katniss in CF after displaying a bunch of sudden physical affection irks me, in a love bombing sort of way. And I never got the impression he really thinks that highly of her considering he's so quick to throw Peeta and Cinna's gloves in her face, which Katniss stops herself from doing the same thing.

Maybe if he kept his character in the first book it'd seem like a fair fight as a love triangle, but he was barely given time to shine in the first book outside of Katniss remembering things about him. Which I don't mind their friendship at all, especially in the first, however I feel like Suzanne had to take his character somewhere bold if he'd ever leave a huge impression to be honest. Unfortunately he was given a bit too emotionally immature and angry of scenes when he was usually pretty smart and calculating like Katniss.

That's just my views on Gale at least as someone who prefers Peeta. But I see the appeal of Gale after rereading, as frustrated as he sometimes makes me. To be honest I'd just be as happy if Peeta got a cooking show at the end of the series and lived his dream in the Capitol lol.

As far as Mockingjay goes, admittedly I wished Peeta didn't get hijacked and instead had relationship conflicts with Katniss of his own volition because it'd be more realistic and interesting, because we see some conflict there but it never gets RESOLVED, and as for Gale, he shouldn't be the ONLY person who is being shamed and judged for "going too far" when the adults in his life put him in that position of power to begin with. Beetee was pretty happy with the bomb despite being in an arena twice. Like c'mon. MJ was very dumbed down in my opinion and I didn't like a lot of the newer characters too. But that's besides the point.

Okay, I'm glad you're polite, and I'm glad you wanted to share your thoughts! But fair warning, I disagree with...a lot of them. Peeta apologizes and is right to do, because he is the only one who has something to apologize for, which is treating Katniss so badly. Gale is brutally honest with Katniss at times, but he never does anything coming close to what Peeta does. Katniss doesn't need an apology from him, because the two know each other, and she knows why he does the things that he does, and understands her part in them. And even in the times she is upset with Gale, she understands him, and knows he understands her. So. Lol, that's not "lovebombing." Not even close to what the term means. (technically, lovebombing would apply more to Peeta, who withdrew all his affection abruptly after being displeased by Katniss) Gale pushes Katniss back, yes, but it's...due to the realization that she is not on the same terms with him? It's actually the appropriate thing to do in that situation. He's at first excited and overjoyed, and thinks that she's intending to go off with him like they'd spoken about, and thinks that she's admitting her love that way. And he expresses that through physical affection, which Katniss has no issue with. But when Gale realizes that Katniss is not on the same page, of course he withdraws. He's had something of a bucket of cold water dumped on his head. But he doesn't do it to hurt her, but because he is reacting in the moment. I don't know where are how you got that impression, but I can only assume you've been reading the books with a much, much different view of Gale and Katniss' relationship. So much of what Gale does is centered around how much he esteems and loves Katniss, just because he isn't gushing over her like Peeta doesn't mean he doesn't highly regard her. And as to the gloves, no again. (also, those gloves aren't Peeta's, they are Cinna's.) Gale gives the gloves back, because to him, they represent everything he loathes, and everything he fears will happen/is happening to Katniss. Gale does not know Cinna like Katniss does, he does not trust or care for Cinna much, if at all. To him, the gloves are product of the Capitol, and he sees it as an insult to be given them. Which, he's not to be blamed for. "Unfortunately he was given a bit too emotionally immature and angry of scenes when he was usually pretty smart and calculating like Katniss." All this. All this right here is part of the problem I have with people in this fandom. People are so quick to see or label Gale as immature or angry, when he has literally every right to be angry. And far as immature, Gale was hardly immature. He's certainly more mature than even Peeta or Katniss, and he is much more smart and calculating than Katniss at times too. Gale looks at the wider picture, while Katniss focuses on the personal. Gale's character was consistent throughout the books, at least until the end of MJ, and it was bold. People just don't like the type of bold that it was, lmao. But you prefer Peeta, so I'm not surprised in the slightest that you think of Gale that way. It's to be expected. As for MJ, I think we both agree on that, it warped a lot of the characters in ways I didn't like. As for Peeta being hijacked, I have no problem with it, but him being with Katniss at the end was for me the unrealistic thing. In any case, I'm dissatisfied with the endings for Katniss, Gale and Peeta, and I wish the author didn't rush things at the end to achieve her desired moral point.

[gale-gentlepenguin]

ML Analysis: Alya Cesaire: Best friend or Plot Puppet?

Thank you to @cakercanart for commissioning this analysis.

For this we will be discussing Alya Cesaire

This is a LONG POST, so I am posting a read more. I would love to hear your thoughts on this analysis. Do you agree? Do you disagree? Did you want to include something? Let me know.

I think in order to organize this post I will be splitting it up as follows.

How to write a best friend.

Alya Cesaire the Best Friend

Alya Cesaire the Plot device

Canon vs Salt

Final thoughts

So lets get to it

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How to write a best friend.

In fiction, the best friend is best known as the main characters's closest non-romantic associate and confidante in the story. This role is very important when the show, book, game or other type of media needs a character to help express the main character’s motives and actions. Now writing a best friend always ends up coming off as trope heavy and this makes a character come off as less real and more of as a plot device. For a best friend character to be a good best friend character they must follow 3 important rules. First, they must have their own rules. Second, Give and Take, friendship is a two way street.  Lastly, they must be more than just the company they keep.

The Best friend must have their own rules. Now this is important because you need to establish what this character values. What does this character think is most important? Do they believe Loyalty is more important than honesty? Do they think stealing is wrong under all circumstances? It is important that we as a viewer understand what makes the best friend tick, we need to already have an idea of where they are going to go with something before the main character goes to talk to them. In a way, they. are more rigid than the main character, since we spend less time with them, we need to have their character more realized than the main character. Now this does not mean a character can't change over time, but there needs to be a solid reason on WHY the character’s opinion on something flipped, it needs to be something clear, like having them learn a lesson on screen. Think of the Best friend’s rules as Pillar in solid ground, they need to be strong and apparent so the Main character knows what side they are standing on in a situation.

Friendship is a two-way street. This is something that needs to be apparent in the relationship between the best friend and the main character. Do they spend time together, are they able to hold conversations outside of the main character’s problem of the day?  What has the main character done for them lately? Does the MC value their friendship? Are there rough patches? The relationship itself is important to the dynamic as the best friend, and really is it a friendship if only one person benefits?

The Best friend character needs to be more then just the best friend character to the protagonist. The BFF needs to have a life outside of that bubble, like real people, they need to have other priorities at times, but they will do what they can to help. If this character suddenly stopped being friends with main Protagonist, will this character be able to develop outside of that. They need to be something a kin to a friend you could have in real life. Do you know someone that could match this person? Do you feel that they could exist? 

These 3 are the main guidelines in writing convincing best friends and are crucial in establishing the best friend as something more then just ‘Plot device number 1. This criteria will be what we use as a gauge to measure Alya Cesaire. Now we move to the next section.

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Alya Cesaire the Best Friend

Alya Cesaire is the canonical best friend of Marinette Dupain Cheng. She is also the person that runs the Ladyblog, the source for all things Ladybug related. She is a headstrong, confident, can do gal that will do anything to get the scoop. She is Loyal and wants what’s best for her BFF. But the question is, based on the characteristics, how does Alya fair?

The best friend has their own rules. Alya cesaire believes in loyalty, good triumphing over evil, and the truth. As a fan of super heroes it would make sense that she would have a more paragon approach towards things. In that regard, Alya is rigid, but she is willing to bend the rules if it helps her get the truth. To be honest, Alya is a loyal friend, does seek the truth, and believes good should always triumph over evil, but the problem is that she is not consistent on what she values more. Depending on the episode’s need, Alya would be gunho, loyal BFF to the max, like in Befana, Startrain, Origins, but then other times, she puts having evidence and truth over her own best friend’s take, Like in Chameleon, Oni-chan, and Volpina. Its a bit of a mixed bag with her, though I do say that her loyalty and support of Marinette is more of her more common traits. But this constant shift on what she values more is concerning.

Friendship is a two way street. This is where I find Alya does shine brightest. Her relationship with Marinette is very consistent. The two hang out, talk, and enjoy each other’s company. Both have helped the other when needed, and they take time to listen to each other. Sapotis, Stormy weather and Ladybug are the best examples. I will say that Marinette and Alya do not have a one note friendship, Marinette and Alya do talk about things outside of Marionette’s relationship status, Alya and Marinette do debate about things, even going so far as to even tease and joke with the other. In terms of friendship being a two way street, Alya and Marinette have a pretty good friendship going.

Alya as her own character is a bit more solid then one would anticipate based on all the salt surrounding her. She does have a strong character, she has her own relationships, her own actions outside of Marinette. She does have a boyfriend, does have hobbies that don't always involve Marinette. Alya is more then willing to put her needs into view. She has a unique dynamic with her family, she has a developing relationship with her boy friend. She even is friendly to someone Marinette is not the biggest fan of, and still maintains her friendship with Marinette in spite of it. Alya could exist without being Marinette’s Best friend, but it is good that they are friends.

Overall, Alya has a very good dynamic with Marinette and has her own character outside of that friendship, her main flaw is that with inconsistent writing her standing as ‘The pillar’ is not very effective, she can appear to be at the whim of the writers at times because of this inconsistency. But to determine if she is really more Plot device then Person, we head to the next section

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Alya Cesaire the Plot device

The Concept of a Plot device is simply a literary device (a character, an outside force, etc) that helps move the plot along in some way shape or form. The problem with Best friend character’s is that  if they aren't the ones with the super powers, they are often put into the position of being the plot progression button in one of two tropes, the Plot voucher or the Quest giver. The plot voucher is the character that gives the lesson or solution early on and tells the MC that they should do something and often its what the character needs to do in order to solve the problem. Think Chekov’s gun. The Quest giver is the character that states what the character needs to do, often propelling the character into the situation. whether intentionally or not.  Alya cesaire is often criticized as being a plot device since she is often the one pushing marinette to do things. Now to be fair, characters in the show can still be their own character while being used as a plot device, but the problem occurs when Plot is prioritized over the character. In order to judge if a character is more of a plot device, I have come up with 3 solid criteria. In order for a character to be more plot device than character they must achieve all three of the following, contradict their own morals on more than one occasion, Formulaic role writing, and P.R.E.G.O.  These three criteria are crucial in judging one’s character.

To start off, contradictions in character. What this means is that the plot of an episode will do something that will make a character do something that would go against the core attributes of a character without explanation. Like having a vegetarian character eating meat. Now there are times when writers make a mistake and if it happens once then it is more like a mistake and not a constant trend. An example of Alya having a contradiction in character would be in Chameleon. (This is where a lot of the salt started so this is understandable), where Alya tells Marinette that she would need proof on her accusations. Now this is a case where additional dialogue would have made this NOT a contradiction. If Alya showed self awareness, like if she said, “I have learned my lesson about making accusations without solid proof.” That would have probably been fine and also a good moment of character development. But the expression (without that addition) comes off without context. Alya does show another moment of hypocrisy in Oni-chan, when she tells Marinette to ignore Lila when she was talking with Adrien, but at the end of the episode then questions why Marinette isn't spying on them. Now in the context of the episode, its to show how Marinette learns a lesson, but in this case (which I find as MORE egregious than Chameleon) this makes Alya look like a massive hypocrite. There are a few other times in season 3 where Alya has shown a few bits of hypocrisy which makes me say that Alya has matched this first criteria.

Formulaic role writing is a criteria that is less on the character of Alya, but on the show’s treatment of Alya. So to explain Formulaic role writing is where a character is put in a show to always do a specific thing for a character or for the plot. This is very common in episodic shows, like how in the original Power rangers, Zordon is the one that calls the rangers to fight a monster, he is basically the ‘Alert system’. In Alya’s case she is often regulated to 2 specific parts, Wingwoman and Lore finder. In her role as wing woman, she is basically trying to help Marinette out with Adrien, in whatever way she can. This results in plot progression and getting Marinette from point A to Point B. The second role is Lore finder, she is the one that goes searching to find out stuff regarding the heroes, because its for her blog. Now Alya has shown times when she is not in either of these roles, such as in Anaisi, heroes day, Stormy weather 2.0, Timetagger, just to name a few. It has Alya living her own life and existing outside of these roles. This helps because these examples are not in the character contradictions category, which helps us evaluate that Alya does not completely conform to this trait.

The final criteria is P.R.E.G,O or better known as Plot Relevant Exposition Given Only. What this means is that a character is only given lines that help further the plot, character development of the MC, help solve a problem, or cause a problem. P.R.E.G.O is the epitome of finding out how one-dimensional  a character is. If you can fit all of the dialogue into a category covered in P.R.E.G.O, then it is simple to determine if a character is simply a plot device for the author’s to utilize. To put it simply Alya does break out of the P.R.E.G.O model as she does develop as her own character and has moments where she is doing her own thing. Both in canon, and on the Instagram. Alya has a boyfriend, a strong relationship with her sisters, her own goals and hobbies, and even her own insecurities. Alya as a character, while not correctly utilized is not fitting of this criteria.

Overall, Alya is more then simply a plot device, but she has been used on occasion to further the plot in ways that would contradict her character. The writing for her can be vastly improved and while she does have her flaws, should not be dismissed as simply a mouth piece for the shows plot.

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Canon vs Salt

Alya cesaire is often found to be one of the few characters (ever since season 3) to be heavily criticized and bashed by a chunk of the fandom.  Now with how the fandom reacted to her, I was curious on what brought such unfettered hate onto her. It was sort of surprising to see how far the fandom went with not liking her. So after careful analysis, I managed to isolate the two main reasons on why she is so polarizing to the fandom. These reasons are, poor Writing and projection.

The writing on Alya has been inconsistent at times and in early season 3, with episodes such as Chameleon, Oni-chan,  Oblivio, and Reflekdoll. The salt for her really started to rise. The most common assertion by the salters is that Alya is completely inattentive to other people’s needs and will prioritize her own desires above all else. Like in Oblivio, when Alya posted the photo of Ladybug and Chat noir kissing when Ladybug stormed off after seeing it. Now in the context, it seems rude, and it kind of is. Sure Ladybug didn't tell Alya not to put it on the blog, and she wasn't even mad at alya who took the photo, so the argument could be that alya would have not posted it if Ladybug told her not to. But it is still something alya should have asked before posting. Not that all journalists and reporters ask for permission before posting things, its common curtousy. So in this regard, criticism towards Alya is warranted if one wants discuss terms of improvement. However, in alya salt, she is often depicted as someone that would throw marinette under the bus and dismiss her, that is something Alya has yet to do and would likely never do. Alya has disagreed with marinette at times, but she has never (while in control) insulted or dismissed her friend.  The salt/bashing of Alya’s character in that regard is inaccurate and is not warranted.

Projection is the action of placing issues onto another that are not applicable to one’s character. This is where all of the bashing of Alya’s character comes from. Alya is often projected as being one of Lila’s main enablers and the one that makes marinette feel awful. Alya is often portrayed as one of the worst people in salty au’s because she is the one closest to marinette. Her ‘Betrayal’ makes the pain Marinette feels much worse. Alya is being used by salters to place their own issues of broken friendships from the past onto her. From the few au’s and fics I have read with Alya salt, the betrayal that alya often does seems far more personal when described, as if the author was pulling from personal experience. Alya, according to the salt community, has become the perfect character to project the agony of betrayal because of the massive salt that has been piled on from chameleon onward. 

In conclusion, Alya is critiqued because of poor writing from the show, and is bashed because of fan projection. Alya is a character with faults and suffers from poor writing but she is not deserving of the unabashed hatred she has received.

_______________________________________________________________________

Final Thoughts

Alya Cesaire is a character that could use some better writing and could use some better establishment on her traits, but she is still good on her own merits and I conclude that she is more than a tool of the plot, she is a multifaceted character that will hopefully improve in season 4.

[imagine-your-love-story]

Thank you for encouraging a safe space on Tumblr. It might seem like basic courtesy to leave people be, leave them their comfort and creative freedom, but apparently it's not. As someone who has very questionable self ship poly dynamics, it's.. nice not being scared of seeing "Don't interact if this- dont interact if that" and then in danger of harrassment.

Please keep spreading these vibes of comfort and love - you're a great person whom we need a lot more of in the world wide web

You're very welcome, lovely! :) :) :)

Hoo boy. I have...soooo many thoughts on like....ALL of this. And this post is gonna get LONG because I've opened the can of worms and I'm lettin' it all out :P

The amount of bullying and negativity I've seen in the selfshipping community lately is very painful and disappointing to watch. Tumblr and fandom has always been somewhat of a cesspool but I had hoped that selfshipping was a little better.

I'm not seeing a positive community on a large scale right now.

There are some people who are shining little stars out there of course! But there's more hate being spread around than I can stomach.

I've spent Y E A R S researching and unlearning and pushing back against the psychological and emotional effects of manipulative behaviors like: blame, guilt, shame, and harassment.

I absolutely 100000% believe you can speak to people civilly and state your reasons why you think their behavior is damaging. Without telling them, "You are wrong. You are a bad person." Or otherwise making them feel shitty about themselves.

And I also believe that you CAN allow that person to say, "I don't agree with what you're saying" and you can still have normal interactions with that person without immediately shunning them and labeling them as a terrible person.

People BLOSSOM when they are showered in love, acceptance, and understanding. People are MUCH more willing to listen and heed what you have to say when you give them SPACE to see your point of view (or disagree with you and still accept them).

This culture on social media where people jump STRAIGHT to, "You're a HORRIBLE person because you do something I disagree with!" is, frankly, horrifying and a little disgusting.

Does this mean I condone negative and damaging behaviors?

No. Absolutely not.

But there seems to be this loss of perspective on what is considered "negative and damaging behaviors".

1. It's fiction. Fiction has NEVER been "clean". It's a place of freedom to discuss EVERYTHING.

2. You don't have to feel comfortable with everything being discussed in fiction. I'm not. If I don't like a self-shipper's content because it hits some trigger buttons for me...I don't follow their blog. Because that's my boundary and I have every right to it.

Do I send them messages saying, "You're a toxic person!"

Nope.

Do I comment on their ship that they love and say, "This makes me uncomfortable!"

Nope.

It's not my business.

Also: it’s fiction and there are MUCH bigger problems that require my energy than whether or not I should correct someone’s fictional ship.

Go save the ocean.

Go save the rainforest.

Go save the planet you live and breath on.

Fiction should not be making you angry enough to send hate mail to someone else. Full stop. That should never ever be a priority.

3. Some people engage in selfshipping "negative behaviors" as a way to cope with their trauma. We have no idea what a person has been through and we have no right to tell them that they should stop what they're doing when we do not know where they are on their journey of healing.

It hurts my heart so, so much when I receive messages from selfshippers like you, dear anon, who are TERRIFIED to share their love stories with their characters because they're afraid of being labeled/attacked/harassed by the community.

That's the community letting you down. That should NOT be happening and I'm so sorry you're feeling that way, lovely.

The ENTIRE point of selfshipping was to ESCAPE the people who criticized for shipping yourself with a character that you love. The foundation of selfshipping is that ANYTHING is possible!!! You are limitless!!!

And now people are policing what you can do??? That's...that completely obliterates the point of selfshipping. That's WHY we escaped to our own community!

I don't know if this video is available outside of the U.S., but I highly recommend, the Crappy Childhood Fairy's Youtube video on Cancel Culture. It's a great listen when you're navigating the emotional turmoil of social media culture.

So, if you're still reading after ALL OF THAT :P here are some key points about this blog and my philosophy when it comes to selfshipping:

This blog will always be a judgment free zone

Of course I have opinions! Of course we may disagree on something! But I won't judge you for it. You're allowed to do your own thang! ;)

I will never have a DNI.

If I feel an interaction is crossing into territory that isn't appropriate or acceptable, I'll say so. And if that doesn't work, I'll block and report. But I will never have a DNI on this blog.

Yes, I am an adult. So if minors don't feel comfortable following my blog, it's okay if they don't! I understand!

But I don't have a problem talking with minors because they are human beings and they may need support. I worked in Youth Services at a library for over two years. I know sometimes kids just want someone to talk about cool books and movies with and I'm 100% down for that 24/7 :)

Because this blog is all-ages friendly, I will never post 18+ content because - just like IRL - I make sure that I am mindful of the people around me. I may post some suggestive content that is tagged, but I try not to get too explicit.

I also don’t really think a DNI is necessary for me personally. Of course if I feel threatened by someone, I won’t interact with that person. But if a shipper is into content that I don’t like???? I don’t feel the need to say, “I will never interact with you!” That’s....exhausting. Besides, there are plenty of other things we can chat about! :)

I will always share f/os.

I know some people don't like to share and that's their boundary they can draw if they want to (no shade here!), but I've found that if I don't share, it's a very lonely experience. So I always share and I’m happy to interact if we have the same f/o :)

DMs are always open if you need a shoulder to lean on

If you need to dump or vent or whatever, my DMs will always be open so you can chat! It can feel weird, and maybe you'll feel bad because you won't know what to say!!!

That's okay :)

Even if all you want to do is vent and never reply, I'm happy to listen and offer any words of encouragement and support you need to hear! :)

[the-nysh]

P1:I find it both fascinating and frustrating when it comes to Katsuki's wrong doings because I can't fully agree with the sentiment "bullying is bullying" and I feel Bakugou is a good character to explore that in examining the different severities of bullying which doesn't have to equate to invalidating victims experience (which are also variable) by doing so - discussion tends to describe it as so awful and he must apologise (which I don't disagree with) but awful can describe well more awful-

P2:-kinds of bullying, like actually going out of your way daily to harm someone and relentlessly take away their sense of safety and dignity. Maybe I care because the extent of the bullying itself (and his behaviour at UA, which I think is still bad but distinct from bullying) sets the tone to Deku introductory relationship to him and Bakugou's apology (which was wonderfully taking responsibility for his behaviour but works with his actions in part because it was not worse behaviour in his - P3: -past). Bakugou's behaviour in response to his insecurity, jealousy, fear and intolerance makes sense, his bullying was to push Deku away and coloured all his interactions with Deku, but he aimed to have those interactions be infrequent which feels like it plays a role in how Deku's (besides his own inners strengths) early feeling is that Bakugou is a conceited jerk in response to Bakugou's attitude towards him. In the story it all feels in proportion (well except Bakugou almost having to - P4: - to die, but that is more about him having a moment in Deku's shoes which in turn informs his understanding, his apology and how he goes about making things right from that apology, while also experiencing that panic of potentially not getting a chance to apologise to Deku), meanwhile it often feels like things are never aligned and in proportion on fandom and even nice takes veer towards implying bullying veered towards severe because discussion lacks the language to talk about nuisances.

So basically....what Hori’s created and written thru Kacchan’s character arc is proportional, consistent, and hyperspecific to his own fictional settings (world building) and his characters’ circumstances. But when fandom tries to discuss it objectively, Hori’s intent & nuances often get colored by people failing to separate the text from their own personal experiences & projections with bullying (ie Deku is not them, and Kacchan is not their childhood bully). Or things just get flat out misinterpreted by poor translations (ahem, including the lasting damage from Fallen Angels’ harsh mischaracterizations), including cultural differences and the like. Leading to a frustrating time trying to discuss what’s actually canon. :O Oh yeah, I can understand that.

Because the truth is that Kacchan’s past shitty actions (cause he was a shitty kid, who understands what he did was hurtful) were not nearly as severe or constant as many people were misled to believe in fanon assumed they were. He never sought Deku out in that daily, oppressive & controlling way (it was the opposite; he tried to keep away from him to avoid how Deku made him feel, except when Deku voluntarily got in his way and Kacchan lashed out to get him to stop) and what transpired between them was not the familiar case of ‘american’ bullying in media either (none of that stealing lunch money or undignified shoving into lockers kinda stuff - cause Kacchan was also trying to uphold a clean record before entering UA), because it was again, all hyperspecific to Hori’s worldbuilding with quirks & heroes.

Consisting of their hero society’s view on quirklessness & people’s worth/usefulness, Kacchan recognizing quirkless Deku still held a heroic ‘strength’ (in his heart/spirit), which threw all his understandings off balance and made him feel like shit in comparison (lesser, inadequate). And Deku recklessly never taking himself into account (without a rational reality check or adequate power/training/preparation) would only lead to Deku stupidly getting himself killed by following his ‘dream’ this way. Leading to a mix of confusion from what young Kacchan couldn’t understand, pain from his wounded pride/self-worth on what best makes a hero, including the fear of Deku’s potential surpassing his and the concern for Deku’s life exacerbating all his frustrated anger towards him. That and their miscommunication from all their avoidance - cause once Deku suddenly shows up at UA wielding OfA, now Kacchan thinks Deku’s lied to him their entire lives. D: Having felt like shit before, and now thinking Deku’s betrayed him with the perfect reason to believe Deku had truly been mocking & looking down on him the entire time...?! (Which we know was untrue.) Oh what a mess of misunderstandings! Which makes their plot riveting to see how it all unfolds though.

So basically, here we have all these complicated, different factors at work to explain (not excuse) the mix of hurtful behaviors that happened. (Kacchan kept trying to push him away, which failed both because Deku kept coming back and cause Kacchan couldn’t reject the lingering feelings of concern for him as a friend either - by keeping an eye on him at arm’s length anyway.) But it gets so easily misconstrued in bad faith, or Kacchan gets unfairly flat-out demonized (one-sidedly) to the extremes, that people simply want him to suffer in proportion to their own personal revenge fantasies, incongruent with the actual text presented. Thankfully, Hori shows healing and improvement (even from rock bottom) in a much more constructive way.   

Personally, I feel Hori making it a public apology was a little disproportionate, because this was a longtime private thing between him and Deku to finally come clean & sort out their feelings, and not really anyone else’s business to spectate or judge. (Which I also didn’t expect to happen right now either - with me prepared to wait another 50chs or so til the end for it.) However, for Kacchan to reach Deku’s heart - speaking from a place of experience he knew best, to get Deku to realize where he was currently failing and being hurtful/dismissive of others - it does the job. :’) Their classmates now have the full context behind his behaviors (now understanding where they misjudged Kacchan too), and...they double as witnesses, such that no one can claim they ‘forgot’ or missed this important moment in its entirety either. Hori lays it all down very clear (consistent with everything that attentive manga readers have already known & followed), while handholding the message so there’s no misunderstanding his intent with this. While also setting things up for Deku to return a private response from his side later. To finally complete & bring everything together full circle. :’) I’ll be waiting~ 

[snowflake-of-destruction]

Imagine Roxas’s reaction to seeing Axel shirtless when he started getting buff for the first time

Enjoy the distraction of the evening and Roxas and Sora bonding, and be warned of language and reference to adult situations.

"Can I complain to you about Riku for a second?" Sora asked. It was perhaps not the ideal time to start a new conversation as Roxas was in the process of landing the gummi ship in a clear spot of grass in the courtyard outside the entrance to the keyblade academy at the Land of Departure, but that was how Sora was, keeping things in and then letting them explode forth at times that often seemed odd to others, but were simply the breaking point to him.

"No, I require at least ten minutes of complaining about Riku every week,"Roxas deadpanned, guiding the ship down between two others already parked. "You know the time table. Three minutes without air. Three days without food. Seven days without busting Riku's silver dusted balls."

"Gold," Sora chirped, unbuckling his restraints and going for the door.

"I'm going to regret this," Roxas sighed, half to himself as he followed suit,  "But...what?"

"Gold medal," Sora grinned. "Everything in that area is nothing less than first place." 

"Strongly disagree." Roxas screwed up his face in exaggerated disgust.

"You have no way of..." Sora complained as they started up to the castle.

"Please, can we get to the complaining?" Roxas cut him off.

"It's official even. The council of judges, me and Data Sora judging pictures saved on my gummi phone, awarded him the blue ribbon. I tied it..." 

"I will give you all the munny in my munny bag not to finish that sentence." It was pretty clear to Roxas that Sora was torturing him on purpose for crimes of his past lives. Sometimes he still hated his other.

"Then I suppose you don't want to hear about the ribbon cutting ceremony either? Or, well, it was more of a ribbon untying ceremony. I'm not usually good at tongue tricks like the cherry thing so I was kind of proud of myself that I managed to..."

The pattern of hasty interruption of an oblivious or happily malicious Sora continued. "For the love of sea salt ice cream, Sora, I'm begging you to stop before I hurl."

"What were you talking about before?" Sora blanked and grasped at straws of stray thought. "Tortillas?"

"What? Why would you think that?"

"It was taco night when I came up with the ribbon ceremony."

"You were going to tell me how much Riku was annoying you."

 The enlightened glow of remembrance entered Sora's eyes, but the spark of happiness at conquering his brain only lasted a moment before Sora was collapsing against the doors of the castle academy, playing up the drama of whining, "Riku is driving me crazy!"

"That's more like it! Tell me all about it."  Roxas was perhaps a bit overzealous in his support, judging by the look Sora shot him, so he tried a more nonchalant and less gleeful tone, "You'll feel better."

"He keeps looking at me like I'm going to disappear in front of his eyes. He's woken me up in the middle of the night to make sure I'm still breathing. He keeps tripping me up in battle because he's started diving between me and the Heartless, like all of a sudden I can't take care of myself. I know why it's happening, and I know he means well, but I'm not sure how much longer I can take it. Do you have that problem with Axel?"

Now, he and Axel had to work through some anxiety about being separated again. It had taken a lot of long talks, time, and trust exercises, to work through them, but now Roxas could help Sora with Riku's issues from the point of view of someone who had been there before and gotten out. Or he could just make a joke. "Well, I'm afraid he'll get caught in a strong wind one night and snap in half, but I'm trying to keep myself rational. I mean I can stick unwound hangers in his clothes to try and create a brace from something more substantial than his limbs, and I can put a bell on him so I don't lose track of him when he turns sideways, but after we take all the precautions we can, all I can do is tell him to be careful lifting his keyblade so it doesn't break his arm, and look at the positive. He and Jack Skellington wear the same size jacket and being able to trade clothes with  the King of Halloween is pretty cool."

"What are you talking about?"

Roxas steeled himself to be drawn into a serious talk anyway, taking a spot leaning against the doors alongside Sora and putting a hand on his shoulder, dearly hoping someone didn't open the door from the other side and send them sprawling. "Listen, I picked a ridiculous example, but the same principle applies. Take measures to keep each other safe--simple ones that don't stop you from being able to do your job-- talk about what his fears are, and then just try to find silver linings and agree to live your lives. You guys are going to be okay."

"Oh yeah, I know that,"  Sora dismissed, shaking off his hand. "I was just letting off steam. Riku's actually being really sweet. I just need to make him realize what he's doing before he finds a way to sacrifice himself again to keep me safe. What you said about Axel doesn't make sense though. He's ripped."

"He's a twig," Roxas countered with a scoff. "He's got the muscle mass of the jelly creature from Monstropolis, and looks like it the time it let me suck it into a large straw to make Boo laugh. I love him but he's a scarecrow. My stickman scarecrow, and I love him, but let's be realistic."

The light of dawning realization lit Sora's eyes once more, and Roxas found it a bit unnerving. He was definitely missing something. "...Haven't you visited Axel since he started training with Terra?"

"No, this is my first visit, to see Terra confer the master title on him." Master ceremonies had become a big thing now, a little pomp and circumstance to make it seem more important, Roxas guessed. Riku had missed out. Too bad for him. "He was on a journey of the soul as well as the body...Whatever that means. Terra didn't want me distracting him."

"That's what makes it more fun. When I went to retake my mark of mastery at Yensid's tower...Wait a second, Terra ordered you to do something and you just listened?" Sora's pursed lips and glaring eyes spoke more of tantrum throwing toddler than betrayed friend.

"He's a master," Roxas answered simply, though it wasn't respect for orders of a master that held him back. He could have been a master too, if he wanted, if he felt like he needed the validation of being recognized by the others and wanted to jump through hoops set up by Yensid or Aqua or even worse options. He had been named master of the keyblade by the Organization, that was enough. He and Axel had agreed they would help guard the worlds but they wouldn't play into the ranking game. Axel had changed his mind, and Roxas respected that, but he felt no compulsion to join him.

"You never listen when Riku tells you to do something. He's a master too."

"Master, my ass."

"No, master of my..."

"Why do you have to be like this?" Roxas groaned, sliding to the ground.

"Don't get pissy just because you haven't gotten laid in months."

"I didn't visit because Axel told me not to. We've been doing the long distance thing. We've done it before for stretches, like when he and Isa were working on their first book,"Roxas answered Sora's original question, loudly, to change the subject.

"But you've talked on the gummi phone?"

"Every night."

"With video?"

"Is this going back to a weird place you never leave?"

"I live in the gutter now!" Sora confirmed happily, before going back to neutral. "No, it's a serious question. Have you gotten a good look at Axel recently?"

"Same loveable bozo sleeping in a fuzzy zip up adult onesie that makes him look like a Meow Wow  he's always been. "

"You haven't seen him out of the onesie?" At Roxas's exasperated look, Sora defended himself once more. "Legitimate question."

"Some nights I don't even see him take down the hood. He has a voice for Meowaxel."

"And you were griping about the ribbon ceremony. Your sex story is much weirder."

"We don't have phone sex," Roxas's pining despair outweighed his distaste for discussing this kind of thing with Sora who was a dog that never let go of a bone without making a joke about boning. "We have an agreement. He almost crashed a gummi ship once."

"You...while he was driving?" Sora looked impressed and Roxas felt a rare flash of shame.

"New idea?" He pushed through and said the words as if they were a crack of his own.

"Great idea!" Sora's face split into a wide grin and Roxas apologized to Riku internally, the only way he ever did so. Sora grabbed his former Nobody's arm and dragged him to his feet. "Come on. We're going to spy on Axel sparring with Terra. They have a routine. Terra wouldn't deviate from it even knowing people are arriving for the ceremony tonight."

"I am always down to see my baby light someone on fire," Roxas followed Sora down the hill, pliable and, frankly, excited to see Axel as soon as possible.

"Baby? Blech." Sora pulled a face that lasted maybe half a second and rang false while it did, thrilled and supportive as always to see Roxas showing a soft spot, but attempting to play some of Roxas's own attitude back at him.

"Your pet names for Riku are worse...and you should not prove it by listing them." Roxas tacked on the latter part hastily, leaving no room for Sora to start his reign of terror anew.

" There are several riffs on Dream Eater that would make you wish you were as smart as me," Sora huffed, "But that's not what we're here for." He held Roxas back for a second with a thrown out arm, and glanced around the last bend in the hill. Roxas could hear sounds of exertion. Satisfied with what he saw, Sora withdrew the restraining arm in favor of waving his hands like a cheap magician as he ordered Roxas to, "Feast your eyes!"

Roxas ignored Sora's theatrics and stepped around him, only to stop short when he ended up following the other man's order despite himself. His eyes were feasting and there was an entire buffet in the form of Axel, stripped to the waist and hair up in a messy bun with damp loose tendrils stuck to the back of his neck, twisting away to avoid a strike by Terra (in his weird black spandex shirt like always, showing off for who the hell knew or cared) and using the momentum to whirl the rest of the circle and carry out his own blow, the flex and spring back of newly defined muscles Roxas had missed the development of covered by freckled skin that didn't quite make the definition of tan but had been cultivated into a tone more golden than ghost pale translucent on display. The first dish was broad shoulders that had always  been there, but no longer existed just to make clothes hang smoothly like they did on a clothes hanger now that they were attached to the freshly carved meat station--arms that bulged and Roxas was going to declare illegal to ever hide under bunched neon fleece or a thick black coat again. He'd call Axel's new abs the salad bar because he wanted to charge like a bull and then start grazing, but they could also be the drink station because there was definitely a six pack there much more appealing than the beer Hayner had developed a fondness for, and Roxas was remarkably thirsty looking at them. Axel's waist was still comparatively small (Dorito. Delicious. More buffets should include snack food on the side. Jokes weren't over. The man was a snack.) but then there was perhaps the most shocking addition of all had popped into existence below it.

"Bite the buns and have a popsicles for dessert," Roxas whispered under his breath, awed, unable to even be embarrassed by half consciously daydreaming out loud because his eyes had continued their journey and found out there was now meat on the stork (too long to be chicken) drumsticks Axel walked around on.

"Think he's safe from the wind now?" Sora taunted.

"Time for you to leave." Roxas shook himself out of his daze to return fully to the present.

"What?"

"Run up to the castle," Roxas gave the same order in new phrasing as he walked on ahead and waved to Terra, yelling, "Time to leave."

The scene that ensued was bordering on comical as Terra froze, caught off guard and was smacked full in the face with head turning force by the flat of Axel's keyblade, an act that was accompanied by an apologetic, "Oh shit!" and widened eyes that spoke to Axel trying to cut his actions short but being unable to stop the blow, just lessen it. Terra stumbled and Axel reached out to steady him, but then appeared to change his mind or become irrevocably distracted halfway through as Roxas's presence sank in fully. His keyblade disappeared in a shower of sparks, Terra fell, and the lovers ran to be reunited. 

Roxas found himself lifted off the ground like he weighed nothing and his soul left his body, leaving him not responsible for the happily sighed word that he used to greet Axel, "Arms."

[its-sixxers]

Duty

Martin fears for his future. Little snippet of pre-relationship Hero of Kvatch x Martin, some time after the Blood of the Divines but before Miscarcand.

“I’m yet to step foot within the Imperial City, and already they’re seeking a bride for me.”

Martin sighed and rubbed at his eyes. Hours of poring over crumbling scrolls and books written in dying tongues had been interrupted by a very different kind of reading material - that afternoon Jauffre had set a parchment of his own upon Martin’s desk. A list of suitable imperial consorts. After years spent in the priesthood, a wife was far from his mind.

The Hero of Kvatch, Vaka, leaned against one of the ironwood columns holding up the roof of Cloud Ruler Temple’s great hall. She’d become a pillar herself, in Martin’s view - a constant fixed point, a figure of strength to rely on. A friend. Her expression was neutral as ever. “Seeing firsthand what a lack of Septim blood on the throne does to the world, I can see why they’re so eager.” A humorless smirk cracked her stony exterior. “Not to say I don’t enjoy having a job.”

His shoulders slumped. “You’re right. I see the necessity of it - I’m no stranger to duty. Still…”

“It’s too soon. I agree.” She had little understanding of the machinations of the nobility - even less so than Martin, which was saying something - but her agreement soothed him. At least he wasn’t alone. “You’re the emperor. Can’t you tell them to hold off until you’re on the throne, at least?”

“Would that I could. As you said - the world’s falling to pieces. I suppose Ocato wants some heirs to rely on as soon as possible.” Martin returned her humorless smile. “We men must seem fragile to mer. I’m not a young man anymore.”

Vaka scoffed. “You’re not an old man, either.” She pushed away from the pillar and sauntered over to the desk. He felt her strong hands grip the back of his chair, and saw her braid swing over her shoulder as she leaned over him to peer at the slip of parchment herself. “Well. Let’s see what poor women have been offered up to the executioner’s block. Anyone we know?”

“My true title has been kept secret, they think they’re marrying a minor noble.” Martin warned. “Don’t expect any Altmer noblewomen. There’s the daughter of a Redguard merchant lord, some Breton ladies-”

“Countess Carvain.” Vaka interrupted him, finding the name on the list he was avoiding. “Clever choice. Young, independent - and your best bet at pleasing my homeland, short of finding some jarl’s daughters - and I don’t see any of them on Jauffre’s list.”

“You wouldn’t happen to be a jarl’s daughter, would you?” Martin asked hopefully - Vaka kept her past close to her chest, and it’d be wondrous providence if she happened to have noble blood running through her veins. Most of his options were strangers - Countess Carvain was the best on the list, he’d liked her the few times they’d met - but he dearly wished to at least be a friend of whoever he was expected to spend the rest of his life with.

She scoffed again, and while he couldn’t see her face Martin knew she wore a scowl judging by her tone. “Don’t joke about that. I’m a criminal who’s good at killing things. I’d make a poor bride.”

Martin disagreed. “You’re the Hero of Kvatch. That has to count for something.”

“Very well, I’m a wanderer who’s good at killing things.” Vaka corrected herself. “I’m sorry, but you’re well and truly on your own.” Martin’s chair creaked as she released her grip on it, circling to the front of his desk to look him in the eye. “Countess Carvain’s your best bet, I’d say. You nobles -” Martin would never get used to being referred to as such. “- don’t need love in your marriages. She’s independent enough not to care, I think - she’s unmarried for a reason. Can’t say I blame her. And she’s intelligent. You can talk about books while you make your heirs.”

Martin’s look of horror made her laugh, a great, booming sound - he knew of Nord legends of the Voice, and wondered if someone in her bloodline ever possessed it. Always he could hear her in the halls, conversing with one of the many Blades. She’d be a great commander of the battlefield, if she ever had the taste for it - but Vaka was ever one for isolation. For the first time he realized that if he was to ascend the throne, their evening conversations would be no more. It made his chest hurt. 

“I’m glad you’re having fun, at least.” he muttered, turning his attention back to the list of names. “You suppose the Countess would agree to the offer.”

“You’re more alike than you think. You’d leave her alone, she’d be free to research Akavir to her heart’s content, and you’d have a brood of imperial children with very large heads. She’s run County Bruma well, the people like her - she’d make a good empress.” Vaka rested her hand on his desk, and for what wasn’t the first time Martin marveled at how such a warrior had such elegant fingers, even crossed with silver scars. She offered him a genuine smile - a rarity. “In any case - you have to live long enough to be crowned first. Perhaps the Mythic Dawn will do you a favor.”

“The world gets to perish while I avoid a wedding.” His complaints did sound silly, when she put it that way. “You’re right. I’m being selfish.”

Something in her eyes softened, and she placed her hand over his. “You’re not. You didn’t ask for any of this, but you’ve risen to your duty anyways. It’s brave.”

“You’re the brave one, entering Oblivion itself while I sit here. Would that I could come with you.”

Vaka hastily removed her hand from his, and he wondered if he’d said something wrong. Her hollow smile returned - perhaps the subject of Oblivion was one she didn’t want to dwell on. Martin could only imagine the horror within - he’d seen enough of the horror without.

“I’d face a thousand daedra over the Elder Council.” she said with a shake of her head. Once more, she tugged her hood over her hair - announcing it was time for her to depart. “I should see if the local hunters have sighted any more gates since I was here last.”

Gates seemed to erupt from the ground with ever-increasing frequency. Martin could still recall the scent of sulfur and burned flesh, the screams of terror and roars of Daedra, and wished there was a way he could spare her from it. “It’s likely they have.” he murmured. 

She dipped her head in farewell, footsteps quiet despite her height as she walked down the length of the Great Hall. As she opened one of the large doors and a rush of cold air entered the hall, he called out.

“Vaka?”

Her face was shrouded by her hood as she looked back at him, cloak already fluttering from the wind outside.

“It’s venison stew for dinner tonight.” Martin offered lamely - the meal was her favorite, and he hoped it’d tempt her to return to Cloud Ruler Temple for the night before throwing herself back into the fray.

She only nodded. 

--

Vaka did not return for dinner.

Martin nudged the chunks of meat in the bowl with his spoon, appetite gone despite the aroma of spices and promised warmth of the meal. Any other night without her he’d quietly eat his dinner and return to his studies, but he couldn’t help but eavesdrop on a conversation at the nearby table.

“Where’s the Hero of Kvatch?” asked Belisarius, one of the younger Blades at the temple. “She only got in this morning.”

Achille, sitting across from Belisarius, leaned in and dropped his voice low. “Jena says she saw her at that pool a few leagues north of here when she was on patrol. Crying. I think the pressure’s getting to her. Can’t blame her, I don’t think she’s ever taken a break.”

Martin’s stomach twisted, and he didn’t know if it was from lack of food or from the implication that Vaka felt the need to do her weeping alone.

“Crying?” Belisarius said, too loud, and was hushed by Achille. He dropped his voice as well. “I don’t believe it. I don’t think she’s even capable of crying.”

He wanted to stand up and correct them, to tell them that appearances were deceiving - to maybe ensure that they would have some appreciation for what she did for them all - but Baurus approached the men’s table and did Martin’s job for him. “Her heart beats like any of ours. I don’t blame her from wanting to express herself in private, given you two turn into gossipy hens the second you hear anything.”

The two men looked suitably sheepish. “Still -” Achille continued. “- I wonder why.”

“Why don’t you ask her?” Baurus asked with a raised brow. 

“Then he’ll be crying.” Belisarius snickered.

Baurus sighed - and for a moment he caught Martin’s eye. There was a crease in his brow, and Martin realized he was being looked on with sympathy.

That ache in his chest returned. Martin stood, leaving his food untouched.

“Sire?” Baurus asked.

“I’m feeling a tad ill - nothing to worry about, I’m certain I’ll be fine in the morning.” Martin replied, doing his best to bat away any offers for an escort. Before the others could say any more, he departed - walking as fast as he could excuse through the hallways of the temple. His footsteps were all he could hear, and he was glad for it. He breathed a sigh of relief upon arriving at the door to his quarters at last.

Cyrus was on guard duty. “Good evening, sire. You’re here early.” He seemed happy at the event, at least - more than once he’d scolded Martin for retiring so late.

“I am.” he replied, and left it at that - sliding open the door to his chambers just wide enough for him to slip inside, and shutting it with haste behind him. Privacy in the temple was a rare thing, and he dearly longed for it.

Standing in the luxury of the imperial chambers, he felt small. Martin approached the window and gazed out of it at the highlands beyond, resting his hands on the wooden sill. It was worn - how many rulers before him had stood as he had, looking out at a landscape that shone even at night, the moon reflected off the blanket of snow on the ground?

Vaka was out there, somewhere in the cold. He wondered if that was where she would be, when all was said and done - when he was locked away on the throne. Martin refused to let her become a mere footnote in history, but he couldn’t imagine her ever leaving the wilds she so loved. Even for him.

If, as she had said, they lived through it all.

Martin’s grip tensed on the windowsill. How many emperors before him wondered for the safety of one they cared for, and feared for the future?

Perhaps the Emperor - his father, he corrected himself - had felt the same as he did. Had cared for a woman who had no hope of acceptance by the council or nobility. Perhaps it was the reason Martin himself existed.

He hadn’t been joking when he asked Vaka if she was a jarl’s daughter.

Still, he couldn’t bring a bastard into the world - and he would, if she ever returned his feelings. Even if that small ember of hope in his chest burned true, duty demanded otherwise of him.

It was a hope he’d have to smother.

The landscape beyond the window blurred, his vision clouded with tears. Martin let them fall.

Like her, he did his weeping alone.

[babysprouseisart]

Honestly more things are pointing to a permanent separation for SH. No indications of any reconciliation sadly. And it makes it even harder without the confirmation. I guess when they start to get papped with their new SOs will be the day that it is confirmed they are done. And I hope it is soon. This push and pull with them is exhausting

Good day, anon, and welcome to hell. Screams for help will not save you, alas, because when it comes to a topic in which I am 99, 9% sure, I have no equals. I'm sorry you probably got the wrong address, but it's too late. I am merciless and bloodthirsty with anyone who tries to contradict my faith, tries to correct my point of view and convince me of their own, although I did not give it a reason. Because it's my fucking blog where I for x-billionth time has already expressed my exact points and agreed with some people which think and proved the exact opposite to all that you are saying. So be prepared to be slowly but surely tortured by my long ass post.

 So, let's start with what I said about my blog: only good vibes here. I am not interested/concerned about other opposite/negative feedings. I just don't want to make a big deal about it. Here, in my blog, we support Lili Pauline Reinhart and Cole Mitchell Sprouse in any case as couple as well as individuals.

 This means that under no circumstances do we talk about them, their relationships, their projects, their family, or their decisions in a negative way. Yes, we may disagree with something they do, where they do it, and how they do it (what they post, what they like/don't like, write or repost, who they meet, with whom they decide to be, live and communicate with, what they archive/unarchive, and so on), but we do not have the right to judge them or decide how to act. We also can't control it and it's none of our business.

 I repent if I once made the appearance of a person condemning one of them or their family for their actions and possible causes of the separation, it was only my objective external disagreement, points and thoughts aloud, nothing more rude, involved and inappropriate. And I think with many of my words said earlier (or the words of those I follow and reblog their posts) about the behavior of family/friends of Lili, Cole, and so on, people with brains and common sense could agree. Remember this, or write it on your forehead, so that the next time you write to me, you will see these words.

 Moving on, taking into account all of the above, I would like to tell you that it probably won't be enough for one blog to explain to you point by point all my beliefs and points of view on this subject, to prove to you that every fucking word you say is illogical shit and the most real nonsense. It feels like you're an alien who fell from another planet and decided to crawl into our hole with your impressions of a newborn baby who doesn't understand much about the world and its creators. Although in this case, I'm more of the opinion that you are a little asshole, in which the vein of hatred is boiling and you like to come to this and some other blogs to tell us your agenda although we have no idea where you have such rash thoughts, perhaps you have an extra chromosome? Dude, treat your paranoia.

 Further, given that I don't have much time and desire to describe all my points of view point by point, which, unlike your random set of words, really makes sense for hundreds or even thousands of people who have the gray matter to be able to think, I will attach my long - standing post, indicating all the facts at that time proving the opposite to yours. Although, I will try to supplement everything else as much as I can.

 While, we all ( I hope) already realized and accepted that for many reasons, during this quarantine, Lili and Cole had some problems, were distant and ended up apart for a certain period of time, immediately after the end point of the explosion and informing us of all these public actions on social media (I hope you understand), then after a few weeks, they were already confidently moving towards resolution and recovery and that's why:

https://babysprousehart.tumblr.com/post/618026656780648448/hello-i-hope-this-doesnt-come-off-negatively

This was written long before, but still has many valid points and I just want to widen some of them.

Take a sit and follow me word by word.

I shall start my addition of evidence, based on all the guesses and great opinions of others, as well as hints from the Lili and Cole themselves. I would like to start with a significant event and the day when Lili posted a photo from the Antelope Valley on April 28th, well, or 27th, depending on where you are.

Perhaps we lose some missing pieces in this puzzle and forget about something that was done earlier, but I just want to start counting from this moment.

A few facts about this photo/photos:

1) It was posted exactly 3 years later from their famous photoshoot, when very, very, very many people, mostly in media, began to suspect that there is something between them in a romantic way. It was exactly in the same place, exactly with the same style, exactly in a similar image (waving curly hair, light flying dress, black and white effect) and even without a capture. The picture marked the anniversary and is very important for the two of them. An undeniable fact, beat me.

2) That photo was definitely taken by Cole. Why?

Here are a couple more facts in addition to the first:

They have the quality of captured on professional camera.

You can see, that Lili did not tag the photographer and said jokingly that the photo was taken by Milo, why would she lie, or hide that it was anyone else, because clearly she just hid that because it was Cole.

You may have noticed that Austin, when asked who took the photo, whether she took it and whether she is a good photographer, says no and her reaction with a grin and laugh is priceless. She also didn't tag nor the photographer, neither Lili in her photos from there.

You can watch the vlog in the Colleen blog and see there are very similar figures to Cole, Lili and Milo walking along the valley, because, duh, they were there.

You can view her post, where you can see Cole from the back (notice his dark clothing, the same as on one of his post in the profile, which he has already deleted, as well as his position from which the photo of Lili was supposedly taken and it is just in the same place).

You can observe his style of photography and how similar the theme is to the photos from 2017.

You can see the same poppy behind his ear in one of the past stories.

You may have noticed that the photo of Lili is processed with the same effect as several photos in Cole's profile, and I can tell you as an amateur photo editor that it is very identical.

Question: why arrange such a significant photoshoot with your ex after a few weeks of separation? Why is Cole smiling in a photo (black and white one with a mustache and black clothes) probably taken there? Why is everything so secretive if they broke up? Why even post a photo that your ex-boyfriend definitely took? How can you calmly go to this place, which reminds you of your joint travels with your former lover? Therefore, this photo and later another one from there were the first iron arguments in confirming the improvement of things.

 I would like to continue with another ironclad proof.

Lili in early may very fiercely, after a few weeks of Cole's statements about slander and threats, which she did not respond to so clearly at the time, defended Cole and pointed out the private relationship and literally said that people should stop it and even though should hurt and bully her, but not him.

Question: did she defend her ex so publicly? Would Lili talk about a private relationship if that was the way her past relationship was most often? Would she have written anything at all if she didn't care about him and didn't feel something towards him? I don't think so, so it's gibberish to say so (about the break up) when it's the second unquestionable argument.

 Next, we need to talk about the general activity of Cole and Lili in social media. I just want to list some observations, in different order, but it seems like everything we have now:

If earlier it was visible in the posts of Lili that it was clearly a show off, then over time and after the published photos, she began to behave more sincerely and tenderly, began to publish Milo less, began to say that there was only the two of them less, has stopped showing how good she is without certain someone, as if for Cole showing that she could cope without him, which was visible in the posts and stories, she began to talk more about improving her mental health as a result of training, spoke about how later she was feeling better and that she was grateful for those who were with her and difficult times and in light moments, that you just need to live and enjoy.

Additionally, I can say how she shone with each photo, and it was a natural glow of happiness and settling down. She no longer sang sad songs or posted sad songs, on the contrary, posted sexy, funny and relaxed ones. She appeared more in photos taken by paparazzi. She posted sexy, energetic, romantic movies, funny cartoons, watched funny clips, was excited about her project, laughed, danced with her dog, played with a dog with macaroni, cosplayed Willy Wonka (we all have a feeling it’s Cole’s thing, no?), playing with sand, puzzles, posted funny memes in story, which unfortunately coolly accepted as the opposite, posted a poem with a typo and funny answered to a fan who corrected it, told more about poems and attached a photo with a fragment of a poem about love from her upcoming book. She liked some photos from the anniversary of the last episode of the series, where we remember there was a hot scene of her and Cole's character, she liked a Bughead drawing. Yesterday, she actually posted one of the sexiest videos that will not be posted, being single and lonely, we saw that she actually spent more personal time with Cole (I am not saying they weren’t doing t back then), which was investigated thanks to many amazing people here, and even if they don't live together yet, they are more likely to meet and have met with each other, and more hints on sexy times (because, come one, maybe Milo was the one who left a hickey on her neck, huh?), which is undeniable, just compare the fact that she is no longer in the old rental, and he is not in Kj's house, she then posted a photo from some place, which is very similar to where Cole shot a video with Jimmy Fallon.

 He also began to be more active in social networks, exactly after she started posting photos of the Antelope Valley, he posted a series of photos of the kissing couple, even if it was a gay drawings, they were filled with love, there was a photo of him with cattle with the sarcastic caption, then the photo about porn bots, with funny ask to leave him alone and saying it’s not allowed to be horny on quarantine, again a photo of himself with heart eyes that I talked about above, he posted a very funny video recently. There were more photos from the paparazzi after some time when Lili's usually flashed, and then it stopped, then his humorous photo in the washing machine appeared, which she probably had taken, and why so I explained in the attached post, he posted a photo from the walk, which was also probably taken with her, because again, she had a similar location, then he jokingly called Tommy ‘the’ muse, maybe roasting fans, but he didn’t use ‘my’, so, indicating he still has his own muse, then we saw him at that damn party, which caused people's panic, although he is an ordinary person and has the right to relax, and by the way at this party he was very happy and frisky, but nothing bad or shameful happened and he is innocent, then we even saw Cole, after Lili, delete many of the photos, although he had also unarchived some of them several times, as she had, which means that he did not delete them completely, but just removed many of them, leaving the most tender photo after or before the kiss at the famous moment when Lili wanted a toast and eggs at 1 am, or many photos reflecting her body, which also marks not a bad phenomenon, but a simple trolling from them. Proof of this trolling and unarchiving is on the vastness of other blogs and on Twitter, thanks to that girl's video.

 The way their condition and activity on social networks have changed is very noticeable and is also third undeniable fact of denial of the break up. You can compare photos of Cole taken by Alex, where he is clearly very sad and depressed, because it was taken somewhere in the interval of their real breakup. And compare this with his smiling and playful state during the interview with Jimmy, where he also sparkled with happiness and fun, constantly smiling and seemed to be aroused about something (or someone). I think even a newcomer will notice a change in their mood and attitude. You will see the difference. And this does not happen when going through the break up after 4 years of deeply imbued with love relationships. Please understand, damn it.

 I have listed alas not everything that speaks so vividly about things going in the right positive direction and is evidence that everything is getting better again, there will be only more I assure you and you will kiss my ass, as Cole said.

 Execution cannot be pardoned.

 You have one attempt to put a comma and decide your fate, but I think you’ll  fail because you are a total sucker anyway.

 Bye!