#we can be grateful for what we have in this country while still acknowledging and working to change it's many many ills

[shiverandqueeef]

the thing about canadian nationalism is that it exists in a perpetual state of relativity to our perception of american jingoism. their patriotism is loud, aggressive, vulgar. our patriotism is quiet and polite. which of course provides the exact conditions needed for our own brand of chauvinism to fester under the glossy, collective self-delusion so many canadians whole-heartedly and uncritically embrace; that we are the "good ones"

so we mock patriotic americans for their devotion to/celebration of the great myth of the american dream, and all the while we fail to address the lies we tell ourselves about who we are as a country. we have medical care! marriage equality, abortion rights, social support networks, our police don't shoot unarmed people of colour in the streets. a socialist utopia. no don't think about it too hard. don't look into any of the above statements or address any of the structural inequalities we refuse to admit exist. residential schools? a tragedy, of course, but an anomaly. disabled people lose all financial support if they get married? well surely that's for their own good. we once denied entry to autistic immigrants? well that's all in the past, we take them now! and look at all the ukranians we welcomed so lovingly! the syrians? oh well that was a different situation you know, not so cut and dry you see. turn your attention (again. and again) to the amazing work we did in rwanda. I'm so sorry, what's that you're saying? somalia? never heard of it!

it's okay. it's all okay. we're still not as bad as america

[ridenwithbiden]

"Native Americans across Indian Country shared mixed emotions this week after President Biden apologized for the U.S. government’s role in running Native American boarding schools across the country.

During the 150-year practice, at more than 400 schools where the U.S. partnered with various religious institutions, Indigenous children were separated from their families and stripped of their language and customs in an effort to assimilate into white culture. There were also documented cases of abuse and death.

Secretary of the Interior Deb Haaland, who is a member of the Laguna Pueblo tribe and has been instrumental in bringing these issues to a wider audience through her Federal Indian Boarding School Initiative, applauded Biden’s move.

“I'm so grateful to [Biden] for acknowledging this terrible era of our nation's past,” Haaland, whose grandparents were taken to boarding schools, posted on X.

ederal Indian boarding schools have impacted every Indigenous person I know. These were places where children - including my grandparents - were traumatized. I'm so grateful to @POTUS for acknowledging this terrible era of our nation's past.

“I would never have guessed in a million years that something like this would happen,” she told the Associated Press.

At the Gila Crossing Community School near Phoenix, Biden celebrated Haaland’s historic role and apologized today for America’s “sin.”

“It’s an honor, a genuine honor … to right a wrong, to chart a new path,” he said. “I formally apologize as president of the United States of America for what we did. I formally apologize. It’s long overdue.”

However, Indigenous leaders and citizens across the country stressed that this is only the first step.

“This is one of the most historic days in the history of Indian Country, and an apology of this size must be followed by real action,” Nick Tilsen, who belongs to the Oglala Lakota Nation and is president and CEO of the Indigenous rights organization NDN Collective, told Yahoo News.

Tilsen believes that there are specific, actionable steps that need to accompany any apology. For him, that means passing the U.S. Truth and Healing Commission bill in Congress, rescinding medals of honor for those who participated in the Battle of Wounded Knee, releasing “longest living Indigenous political prisoner in American history Leonard Peltier, who is also a boarding school survivor” and “unprecedented investment in Indigenous languages and education.”

Principal Chief of the Cherokee Nation Chuck Hoskin celebrated the move, calling out Haaland’s role in particular, and echoed the sentiment of following any apology with action.

“The [Department of the Interior’s] recommendations, especially in the preservation of Native languages and the repatriation of ancestors and cultural items, can be a path toward true healing,” Hoskin said in a statement.

While many Indigenous leaders are calling for action, Tilsen stressed that this is also a time to hold boarding school survivors and their families close.

“At this moment in history, we have to remember many of the survivors of the boarding schools are still alive,” he said. “It's in every household and it's in every community. And it's directly tied to the struggles that our people have today.”

Dylan Rose Goodwill, who is Diné (Navajo), Hunkpapa Lakota and Sisseton Wahpeton Dakota, was visiting Sherman Indian High School in Riverside, Calif., on Thursday when she heard the news about Biden’s forthcoming apology. It’s a place that is part of her family history, as her grandmother (or másáni) was sent there when it served as a federally run Native boarding school.

She told Yahoo News that hearing the news there was “complicated.”

As the senior assistant director of undergraduate admissions at the University of Southern California, Goodwill was visiting the school as a college recruiter.

“I've always had these kinds of mixed feelings because it's been weird to be the admission counselor for the schools that my own grandparents attended,” she said.

“It was already a tough morning to go and then to receive the news on site was really a mixture of feelings because I felt anger mostly, where it was like disbelief that this was happening, excitement that at least it was happening, but also feeling like this isn't enough,” Goodwill added.

Sitting where her grandmother sat in the 1930s and '40s, Goodwill asked herself, “What is that gonna really hold for her now? She passed in '04.”

Biden’s statement comes 16 years after former Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper apologized for Canada’s role in the Indigenous residential school system — a topic filmmakers Julian Brave NoiseCat and Emily Kassie document in their film Sugarcane, about St. Joseph’s Mission School near the Sugarcane reserve in British Columbia.

NoiseCat is a member of the Canim Lake Band Tsq’escen and a descendant of the Lil’wat Nation of Mount Currie and whose grandmother attended the Catholic Church-run residential school and gave birth to his father there. He told Yahoo News that this moment was important for a “continentwide conversation about what happened to Native families and Native children at Native American boarding schools and Indian residential schools.”

Joining Biden and Haaland for the event on the Gila River Indian Reservation along with Kassie, NoiseCat continued, “The fact that the president has chosen to formally apologize to survivors and their families is a real testament to the significance of this story, which needs to be understood as a foundational story to North America.”

However, Kassie echoed that actionable steps must follow sentiment.

“As momentous and important as this day is, it's important that it's followed up with action,” she told Yahoo. “It's important that the records of what happened at these institutions that are held by the U.S. government and the Catholic Church are opened to Indigenous communities who are looking for answers. And it's important that those communities also have the opportunity to hold to account those institutions and individuals who abused them.”

For Tilsen, it’s also a time to “center the survivors.”

“As we sort of politically dissect this moment,” he said, “I also want to recognize the pain that is being resurfaced, and that our people deserve the right to have pain and they deserve the right to have rage in this moment while we lean towards moving forward in action.”

NoiseCat, who has a deeply personal connection to the residential school history, said, “I'm probably going to call my dad today after the apology and just check in with him.”

[siriuslyobsessedwithfiction]

What do you mean Nikolai Lantsov was a morally grey character? He was a selfless hero!

Literally Nikolai Lantsov:

Befriended and convinced already disoriented and ignorant Alina that the Darkling was a bigger issue than the First Army and the people turning on Grisha and executing them, a brewing civil war that would most likely happen even if they killed the Darkling, Fjerda and Shu-Han casually invading their territory, etc. That they should abandon negotiations with the Darkling and prepare for war even though the country can't take it. Also, his reasoning that he should become the King? Nikolai: Oh yeah, I'm a bastard with no claim to the throne who has never actually done anything to change Ravka for the better, I was too busy playing pirates. And I just gave the rapist King who doomed this country a nice retirement and more servants to rape, while your friend Genya who he raped gets a trial for attempted regicide, be grateful she will be spared.

"Fouche did not miss the boat: Befriending the revolutionary leader Robespierre, he quickly rose in the rebel ranks. When Fouche arrived in Paris to take his seat at the convention, a violent rift had broken out between die moderates and the radical Jacobins. Fouche sensed that in the long run neither side would emerge victorious."

While Alina and Darkling were watching each other, Nikolai was watching the throne. Darkling got rid of the King and the only legitimate heir for him, so all Nikolai had to do is march into a disbanded army and declare himself a war hero and the King. Nikolai: Maybe we should just abolish absolute monarchy in Ravka because it's 20th century already, some of the countries no longer have it and no one even wants it anymore? Don't be ridiculous. My mother was an oyster and I'm the pearl or something.

"Power rarely ends up in the hands of those who start a revolution, or even of those who further it; power sticks to those who bring it to a conclusion. That was the side Fouche wanted to be on.

At a certain moment, however, he called a halt to the killings, sensing the mood of the country was turning, and despite the blood already on his hands, citizens of Lyons hailed him as a savior from what had become known as the Terror."

Nikolai to the remaining Grisha after the civil war: Right, so I know I used my big guns to slaughter you, the oppressed minority, because you sided with a man who gave you shelter, saved you and was your respected general instead of a girl who was prejudiced against you, never trained, and abandoned you, BUT I need an army. So, here's your pardon and you can once again become serfs to the monarchy who failed you for centuries. Also, the drafting age has been lowered for Grisha and now we're sending unprepared children to missions. Freedom for Grisha? Letting them buy land? Don't be ridiculous. Can't you see I have more important problems to deal with? The Darkling still exists trapped somewhere in the form of a ghost!

If only the author would acknowledge in KoS duology that he has flaws and selfish ambitions. Let him be a complicated character with layers, it's not the end of the world.

[envy-of-the-apple]

Hi! I have a request, could you write meruem x reader (female). Fluff and he being overprotective over his lover, a oneshot or ongoing fic. Perhaps pregnant reader if you are ok with it ofc.

I don't do pregnancy sorry:( how about we compromise with a forced wedding trope:))))))

oh wow, you said fluff? does-does killing loved ones and forcing the love of your life to swear their life to you count as fluff? Istg I cant read I'm so sorry

(Dark content, forced marriage, implied murder, implied stalking)

You've heard what was happening in the Kakin Empire.

Just rumors. Murmurs whispered here and there. People were disappearing in droves, but no one knew what was really happening. Some people speculated of aliens finally touching the Earth, taking humanity into the stars. Others thought it was a government failure, a leaked chemical plant that was causing people to die and the Empire was just covering it up.

It was a tragedy, but you lived two countries away from the Kakin Empire. It wasn't supposed to effect you.

This was supposed to be the happiest day of your life. You were supposed to marry the man of your dreams. Live the rest of your life in marital bliss.

Now, the man you were about to swear your life to was dead, and someone else sat at your side.

You've never seen anyone like him. He was peculiar looking. Handsome, but his skin was an inhuman green color. You've never seen someone with a tail before. He was oddly beautiful, in a tragic sort of way.

But you could barely care about appearances, not with how effortlessly he started to massacre.

He called himself the King when he entered the venue. You thought him rude, at first, when he interrupted the ritual with his sudden presence. Your fiance looked annoyed at the appearance. You could see him turn, about to curse out the stranger.

In retrospect, you should be grateful his death was quick. Painless.

You don't notice his subordinates until they demand attention as well. Three, just as peculiar as their leader. One demands that everyone bow for their so-called King. When the crowd doesn't listen, still amassed in hysteria, you have a perfect view as his men begin to pick off the crowd one by one. The only ones left are the few that were smart enough to reel in their horror, slinking down to their knees.

And then there's you.

He's slow when he makes his ascension. You wonder if he was the personification of death itself, coming to claim you for his own. You wished he would, but instead, he stops, right by your side. Instead of killing you, he starts to speak.

He has a nice voice.

He says he's been watching you for a while. He says that in order to respect your tumultuous human customs, he will finish this ceremony with you so you two can be wed. Then, he sits down right next to you, urging the shaking priest to continue.

You don't acknowledge him, not at first. You're not smiling anymore. You don't stare into the remaining crowd, too scared to see who you also lost. Instead, you look down at your hands, draped in jewelry and henna. You continue to stare, reminiscing how just ten minutes ago, you were so so happy.

You wince when a hand reaches over to roughly grab your arm. It doesn't hurt, but it easily could have.

"You don't seem happy," He hisses, "I expect you to behave gratefully. It is an honor to marry a King."

You nod because you're a coward. You value your life more than your dignity.

"Yes, your Majesty," You respond quietly.

"You must not use titles when referring to me," He declares, "From now on, you will call me by my name or husband."

"I don't know your name." You respond.

Of course, you didn't know his name. The monster of the man who entered your life so suddenly. He's silent, and you wonder if that's the last graciousness he'll give you. If he's decided to slay you here, leave you for another more obedient one.

"Meruem," He finally responds, "My name is Meruem."

He doesn't speak another word, intently focusing on the priest. You both sit in silence, hearing the priest shakily recite the mantras, hearing your remaining family quietly sob on the floor.

He acknowledges you once more when he ties the mangal sutra around your neck. It's thin, discrete, and easily hides under your gaudy dress. Still, it feels like a chain that suddenly snaps in place, bogging you down.

You don't remember much after that. It's only after Meruem pulls you up, effectively pulling you back into reality. There are still many rituals to be done. He doesn't seem to care. You don't either.

He leads you away from the altar. Your bare feet hit the smooth tile as you are dragged outside. The anklets create small jingles, bells that ring your perceived fate. The men who came in with him, silently trail behind. The doors close behind you with a sickening thud, locking you away from your dream forever.

You wouldn't be able to bury him.

Meruem suddenly stops, turning back to you. He reaches up to your face as though he is fascinated. You can feel him wipe a tear off your cheek.

You hadn't even realized you'd begun to cry.

"I can make you happy," He promises, his voice small, so much different compared to how he spoke less than ten minutes ago.

You search his face. His eyes show a glimmer of loneliness. Desperation.

It's gone within a moment. The King takes a breath, removing his hand.

"Come," He says, the usual cruelty back in his voice, "We should return to the palace. Your new home."

[seandwalsh]

I would like you to give me some clarifications(if you can, of course) - I follow you on Reddit(and also the Mario verse project)*recently*; I noticed a post that was making fun of this project and I went to the comments section, and in one of the first comments to appear, these are the replies to it(yeah, I don't agree with his mindset about the series). I took some screenshots before they were disabled, and if you *could* clarify them for me(who is still a beginner in Mario Lore), I would be grateful.

I would be happy to clarify! I’m not trying to cause drama with this, but given there is a minor history here I should explain a couple of things. Just for context on the sort of source Slade Lucas is; They’re someone I’ve interacted with quite a few times and they generally tend to deny basic facts based on what they personally like or dislike. For example, they refused to acknowledge that the Mario Kart 8 Deluxe - Booster Course Pass courses were ported from Mario Kart Tour. This also generally applies to their perspective on Mario lore. They write off any evidence they don’t like completely arbitrarily, constantly move the goalposts in any conversation and make up pseudo-arguments that don’t really mean anything when you try to inquire about them further (“Toad himself is a character that they try to use in so many ways that he alone breaks the idea of there being a consistent canon.”, anyone can see that this is ridiculous).

This is not an attack on their character, but similarly to when I used to respond to MatPat it’s important to understand why people make these types of flawed arguments. In any case, I’m going to debunk them piece by piece.

“But just because they bring something back and it is canon to one game, it doesn't mean it is canon to all games.”

Perhaps I’m missing some context but I’m not quite sure what they’re trying to say here. Obviously when a game references another game, those games are intended to share a canon - and every Mario game references other Mario games, prompting a web which connects essentially every Nintendo-published Mario game to each other. This is what Mario fans use as the basis for canon.

Not everyone is interested enough in or pays enough attention to the Mario games to see the patterns and lore they’re building, but to deny its existence outright entirely is incredibly silly.

Mario, of course, has been from the Mushroom Kingdom and grew up in what we now call New Donk City since at least the mid-90s with Donkey Kong (Game Boy) and Super Mario World 2: Yoshi’s Island. He had no officially disclosed backstory within the canon before that point and was certainly never stated to be from any real world country in the games themselves.

Captain Toad is obviously not Toad and never has been. Captain Toad first appeared in Super Mario Galaxy, while the main Toad first appeared in Super Mario Bros. (and was first singled-out in Super Mario Bros. 2 (USA)). There are several developer statements that prove this, as well as several descriptions.

That's right. We've made use of the technology cultivated through Super Mario Galaxy, and characters like Rosalina and Captain Toad, who came about through those games play a new role.

[Source: Yoshiaki Koizumi, Director of Super Mario Galaxy and Producer of Super Mario 3D World, Iwata Asks, November 2013]

Taking a cue from Mario Galaxy, there are games called "Captain Toad's Adventure," in which Captain Toad appears with his memorable little tune that goes "ta-dada-da-, ta-dada-da-".

[Source: Koichi Hayashida, Director of Super Mario 3D World, Iwata Asks, November 2013]

What is he Captain of, exactly…? Have you played Super Mario Galaxy™ on the Wii™ console? Well, during the events of that game the Toad Brigade was founded, with Captain Toad as its leader. Rumours that Captain Toad is the least reliable of the bunch are completely unfounded!

[Source: What They Say about Captain Toad, Page 5, Digital Manual of Captain Toad: Treasure Tracker, December 2014]

By the way, Captain Toad is actually not the same Toad as the Toad who's playable in games like Super Mario Bros. 2 and Wario's Woods.

[Source: Koichi Hayashida, Producer of Captain Toad: Treasure Tracker, Miiverse, December 2014]

[Super Mario Galaxy is the] First appearance of Captain Toad!

[Source: Super Mario Galaxy Fabulous Firsts, Official American Super Mario 3D All-Stars website, September 2020]

iJustine

…I was wondering, is Captain Toad the same Toad from the original Super Mario Bros.? How many Toads are there?

Shigeru Miyamoto

[…] So Captain Toad, y’know, appeared in Super Mario Galaxy and there were other Toads in that game too, but I think maybe Captain Toad is just a normal Toad who just happens to be wearing those captain-type clothes. (laughs)

[Source: An exchange between Shigeru Miyamoto and iJustine, Director of Super Mario Bros. and YouTuber, respectively, YouTube, December 2014]

Illumination did whatever they wanted with the story of The Super Mario Bros. Movie. Characters were merged or otherwise completely altered left and right, such as Donkey Kong the First and the modern Donkey being treated as one and the same despite having always been different characters in the games.

The main Toad has appeared in Super Mario Bros., Super Mario Bros. 2, Super Mario 64, Super Mario 3D World and Super Mario Run. He’s also mentioned in the manual of Super Mario Bros. 3, with several other potential appearances in main series games. That’s a better track record in the main series than a lot of characters, and with his appearances in spin-offs such as sports games, Mario Party games and RPGs Toad is a prolific and well-defined character. He’s a brave hero through and through, he’s selfless and he’s a long-time friend of Mario. While his spots are sometimes blue, they’re usually red and he consistently wears a blue vest.

Captain Toad is almost the complete opposite in terms of characterisation. He’s cowardly, he’s motivated primarily by his own greed and he barely knew Mario (if at all) before Super Mario Galaxy. He always wore red, separating his design from the main Toad’s.

Space Junk Galaxy does have an atmosphere, as does every Galaxy in the Super Mario Galaxy games as well as the moon in Super Mario Odyssey and Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door. As Slade Lucas point out, Super Mario Galaxy and Super Mario Odyssey, have breath meters, clearly demonstrating that Mario needs air and therefore has air in the areas he visits throughout those games. The atmosphere might be a little thinner in certain areas, but it’s definitely present. Mario cannot breathe in the void of space as shown in Super Paper Mario and even with things like the REXA Toads in Mario Kart 8. This is just wasn’t thought through on Lucas’ part.

Whether or not Mario has an air meter in any given game is simply a matter of gameplay and says nothing about whether Mario can or needs to breathe in-universe. We know Mario needs oxygen and holds his breath while underwater thanks to dialogue and animations. In older titles, it was not possible to implement an air meter for underwater levels. This has been carried over into many newer linear titles to allow for more simple level design. In-universe, however, Mario can never breathe underwater. In fact in Super Mario 3D World we can clearly see Mario and the others holding their breaths when underwater despite the lack of an air meter. A game deciding to not have an air meter for the sake of fun and accessible gameplay says nothing about in-universe lore or canon. Nobody in their right mind would consider that a lore inconsistency, especially not a game developer.

Koopa Troopas walk on all fours and can learn to walk on two legs, as is stated in Mario Superstar Baseball (translated from Japanese):

[Koopa Troopa is] A member of the Koopa clan, familiar to the Mario series. He can protect himself by putting his hands and feet inside his shell. Long ago, he couldn't even stand up wearing shoes, but after hard work, he's gone as far as being able to play baseball. He can do anything with skill, but since he's a turtle, he's slow on his feet.

We’ve seen Koopas who walk on all fours stand up in Mario Bros. and Game & Watch: Super Mario Bros. artwork. It appears shoes help Koopas stand upright, which explains why whenever we see them waking on all fours they aren’t wearing them. Clearly this isn't an inconsistency but rather a feature of the worldbuilding.

The Koopalings were retconned. Many people do not like this change, but that’s not an inconsistency. It’s not something they’ve gone back and forth on, it was a change they made a couple of decades ago to allow them to exist while considering newer lore. Explicit retcons like this are made for the sake of consistency and only prove that they’re considering an overarching narrative that needs consistent worldbuilding throughout these games.

In short, Slade Lucas bases their “inconsistencies” on personal bias, a lack of knowledge, gameplay mechanics and things literally done to make things consistent. Their arguments do not hold up whatsoever. Thank you for bringing your concerns to me, and I hope you found this response helpful!

[battyblog]

Feminism is not a genre of film!

Does anyone else feel like cinema is kind of popping off in 2024 so far? Watching films has become my coping mechanism for winter. Recently, I watched the film Poor Things which has taken the world by storm; with ‘Best picture’ and multiple other Oscar nominations to prove it. Aside from the gorgeous aesthetics of Poor Things, the film’s story has fuelled the fire for the current feminism in film debate. For anyone who hasn’t seen the film, this post will contain spoilers and I really do recommend you watch it! Poor Things is the story of Bella Baxter, a female lead who’s journey to mental maturation is a key aspect of the film. We follow Bella who is revealed to be an amalgamation of mother and child, the mother’s body with the brain of her infant child (An aspect of the film which receives NOT enough attention). What the film does focus on is how her brain develops and how the young brain being treated as the adult shell affects Bella’s view and experiences of the world. The film covers topics of the 20th Century society, and how women were treated within it, prostitution, marriage, manipulation and suicide.  

Is Poor Things a feminist film? Seems to be a key question in the discourse. But I think that we need to take a moment to question what this concept actually means, what is a feminist film? Whilst there are many great smaller films that cover feminist topics well, I want to focus on these big blockbusters as these moneymakers allow us to also think about the role capitalism plays in this debate. Film is an industry after all. A common theme in these female-led Oscar noms is that none of them are labelled as ‘feminist’ in their promotional materials. Feminism is still a divisive term, and in the pursuit of profit, it can be risky to give a film such a label. ‘Feminist’ is a label that is both given and taken away by the media and discourse surrounding a film.  it is an umbrella term for various socio-political movements, it is a lens in which to view the world and a standard to hold things to. How could this be encapsulated within a film? Within Feminism itself there are internal arguments, one person's feminism may look completely different to someone else's. 

Take a look at Barbie, celebrated by some as a feminist classic, but belittled by others as not being feminist enough. How could Barbie be a perfect feminist film? In 90 minutes could the film have covered aspects of a movement that’s history varies so hugely from country to country. There wouldn’t be time to then expand into intersectionality*, would Warner Bro’s dare discuss abortion issues, Barbie meets a TERF? By putting both Barbie and Poor things up to this impossible feminist standard it leads to them being torn down by an angry mob. It is important to view film critically, especially when these topics are covered, but when these films face so much backlash it can have knock on effects and scare filmmakers from attempting to cover women’s issues in their projects. Barbie is a film that set out to make money, it’s based on a bloody toy! While we can acknowledge that there were issues with the topics covered, it is important to also be grateful that a film like this exists, made so much money and definitely introduced or expanded upon feminist topics to the audience. 

This leads me to ask, where is this energy for films without a male lead? Feminism can be a critique applied to all films yet seems to only be extended to those with a female lead. Just because a film has a female lead doesn’t mean it is feminist. I think this echoes the emotional labour that society puts on women to represent feminism and fight for respect for themselves and other women. Do we all lack the object permanence to remember feminism unless we’re directly gazing upon a woman? In order to be successful, feminist practices need to be adopted in all aspects of a film, yes with female characters, but also behind the screen. A role can be written and directed by a man, just because it is played by a woman does not mean it is feminist or not exploitative.  

Capitalism wants to sell us feminism as this neat little package, it wants us to buy into it and forget that there is no way to price an ideology. Poor Things is a fantasy film, not a feminist film, feminism is not a genre. Yes, there are Feminist themes, but there are also prominent themes of class issues, yet no one is rushing to label it as a communist film. If we cannot decide a set framework or criteria for a feminist film, we need to stop trying to use that label. Feminism is a critique that can be applied to all media, and feminist debate surrounding film needs to also expand to cover those behind the scenes. Let’s just enjoy some cinema and accept that it cannot fit into the high standard, but by sparking a conversation it can do more and still be used to educate people. 

*Hey, don’t know about intersectionality? Thats cool, but you should acquaint yourself. Intersectionality in feminism is an acknowledgement that gender based oppression isn’t one size fits all and that other factors such as class and race can have a huge effect. Read up 

[justalittleconfusing]

I take personal offense to all the hate Taylor is getting and I have no where to spew this so here goes un edited.

1) she is not political enough post Ms America documentary.

Response: this woman performed soon you get better during CoVID. She cast a trans Man as her love interest in the track one music video of midnights!!! She donates time and money to causes (with and without publicity). She is political through her ACTIONS not tweets.

2) she is too successful to be hinder being a white woman

Response: this one is hard for me. I am a successful white woman. I was actively hindered. I didn’t know I was good at math (as someone with an advanced degree and 15+ year career in data analytics AND IS AN MBA PROFESSOR TEACHING DATA) until I was 37. Let that sink in. My entire 1990s-2000s existences so much of my life models were ditzy girls who were hot or brainy nerds who had no social interaction skills and nothing in between. For every Elle Woods we had the American Pie franchise. We were told we had to “have it all” with no road map how to be the manic pixie dream girl, size zero, interesting but not intimidating, play in your space but never the men’s space, mother and counselor while never admitting our pain and every other version we are trapped in.

The deck is stacked. We can be ahead of the curve and then the curve suddenly becomes a sphere. And she gives us space to figure out how to do and create for ourselves and not just others.

3) she only talks about her exes and makes her money off tarnishing others reputations

Response: people hurt people. Women of my age don’t always have permission from society to acknowledge that hurt. Those of us who are the “pathological people pleasers” those of us who have conditions on being loved with how we act, what we produce, what we give others. We don’t have much of a voice. Why is Taylor so popular for me? Because she tells me being alone isn’t the worst thing in the world. Being “on your own kid” and making mistakes that make people leave you, you can still be true to yourself.

Also, her obsession with girlhood. How many of us grew up during the purity ring craze. Where exploring our sexuality and urges was just for men. Where we were madonnas or whores. Where men had to “trick us” into engaging in sex and if we wanted it we were objects to be used.

Give me back my girlhood. This idea is innocence and being unclean. Surviving sexual assault and recovering what love looks like after. Women our age didn’t grow up with the idea we don’t have to consent. And if we don’t consent and things happen that is sexual assault. We didn’t have words to put the feelings of being gaslit or abused in place. Taylor gives us that vocabulary. She teaches us to explore the feelings of being hurt and how to heal. She teaches us to feel wide ranges of emotions and say what those feelings are. And it’s ok. Sadness and Joy can be friends.

Overall feelings synopsis: sometimes, we forget, that white women of a certain age, while we do have a lot of privilege, we still have societal expectations stacked against us. A Karen had morphed from being a racist woman who uses white privilege to call the police to hurt people of color to a woman my age who has blonde shorter hair who is annoying to men. We are belittled for feelings beyond being happy. We get mansplained when we try to say we are angry, disappointed, hurt, violated, so many more feelings!

Taylor represents us. She represents our glitter and fountain pens. Our love of frivolous and deep pain. We can embrace all facets of ourselves and still be brilliant minds.

I adore her and am eternally grateful for every word she has written, sung, advocated for, and performed. She taught me to accept myself, advocate, pursue a sexual assault case, USE MY VOICE.

Also, as a sexual assault survivor, watching half the country elevate people like Kavanaugh and Trump. She is my hope.

To Taylor!

[thessalian]

Thess vs Positivity

Positive things. We will blog positive things!

Like, while I am still waiting on my grocery delivery (I picked a saver slot; actual timing is a little vague, but that’s fine), I did get my other bits and pieces. Specifically, my multicooker and my Shadow of the Dragon Queen sourcebook.

I did the ritual Hugging Of The Sourcebook first. According to exes (ex-friends, ex-partners, ex-a-lot-of-things), watching me hug a sourcebook and grin big going “Heeeeeeeeheeheeheeheehee...” is one of the most terrifying things a player of mine can ever see. Not that they were bothered by this, exactly - just meant that they were in for a time.

Immediately after that and a quick flip-through, mostly to have a squee over the bestiary, I started my new multicooker on its cleaning cycle. Just finished up and I’m letting it stand for the suggested fifteen minutes. The only issue with this one is that you have to release the pressure valve manually. Not difficult, not when you’ve got oven mitts. Just ... it’s been a long time since I’ve seen a pressure cooker vent steam and I’ve never been that close to one when it was doing it so that was a bit of startlement. I’ll get used to it, I’m pretty sure.

I also went out to pick up my prescription. One of the nice things about the current situation is that now that I’m pretty well established on a medication regime, they’ll prescribe me a two-month supply. Just means I only have to pay for prescriptions once every two months, not on a monthly basis. Sure, I have it easy compared to Americans, and I acknowledge my privilege (for however long it lasts in this fucking country), but I’m still going to be grateful for a savings of like £55 per year by having six months of not having to pay for more prescription meds.

So I have been a motherfucking adult today. Go, me! Now all I have to do is wait for my groceries to get here and, when they do, put them away, find something relatively simple to eat, and plan for the rest of the month. Mostly a “what gets cooked when” thing, since I’ve pretty well plotted out the overall menu for the month. There’s a lot to order of cooking when you shop for the month, I have to say. Mostly it’s about what’ll go off first.

Honestly, I just hope that having all the fixings for lovely food will give me my appetite back. It’s not great at the best of times but has been damn near nonexistent since the brief return to a gluten-containing diet. But I am choosing to believe that it will, because positive things, damnit.

Sometimes you just have to squint for the silver lining or go not-so-quietly insane.

[kisaxiii]

I’m copy/pasting the article here under a read more (it’s kinda long and I don’t want to put an extremely long post on people’s dash) for people who don’t want to click the link and/or can’t read the screen shots.

A Twitter thread has gotten some attention recently, where my former-coworker / current-best friend, Marty, recounted the day he realized just how bad, and insidious, workplace sexism could be.

After noticing that a client was treating him like crap while his email signature was accidentally set to my name, we came up with an experiment. We switched signatures for a week. Nothing changed, except that our clients read me as male and Marty as female. I had one of the easiest weeks of my professional life. He… didn’t.

But I knew long before this experiment that my life at this company was always going to be harder. I knew this on my second day.

Our boss was my age. A wealthy and privileged entrepreneur, he lived his life by the Holy Bible of Tim Ferriss’ 4 Hour Workweek. Our job was to professionally edit and rewrite customers’ resumes. Marty was still living across the country on my first day of work, with plans to move locally and work from our “office” (my bosses’ apartment) in a few weeks. I asked my boss what Marty was like. He told me, “Oh, he’s a good writer, but he tends to get over emotional about things and let that get in the way of his writing. He’s kind of a girl like that.”

I stared at him, not quite believing what he had said. To me. The only girl he had ever hired. He knew immediately that he had fucked up. He stuttered, tried to backtrack, un-backtracked, ultimately apologized and acknowledged that it was a wrong thing to say. But that didn’t matter. Message received. I put up my walls, and buckled in to try to survive at this job. This wasn’t my first time at this rodeo.

When I did meet Marty, we clicked. We bonded over being awestruck at the casual and not-so-casual moments of sexism my boss would treat me to over the few years that I worked there. Even his compliments were… fun. After a few weeks, I survived the rigorous training process and another male coworker, hired at the same time, did not. My boss complimented me and himself, saying that “I wasn’t going to consider hiring any females, but I’m glad I did. You should be proud, I had thousands of applications but yours stuck out to me, and made me decide to give hiring a girl a try.” Interesting. “Why weren’t you considering hiring any women?”

“Oh, you know. We’ve always had fun here, and I didn’t want the atmosphere to change.”

I would like the record to show that I have the filthiest mouth in the tri-state area, and one of my pasttimes has always been trying to come up with jokes off-color enough that I can actually embarrass Marty. I would also like the record to show that I developed a trucker’s mouth and bawdy sense of humor precisely because I’ve always had to act “like a man” to be found funny and be accepted in male spaces.

I kept working there and taking his money, despite the bullshit I lived with on the daily. When Marty and my boss would talk over me, I’d just get louder. When they drifted off and stopped paying attention while I was talking, I’d rewrite it in an email and force my words in front of their eyes. When my boss Pinkwashed my writing to make it sound more “feminine”, I snuck in and changed it back. And one day, I lit into Marty, telling him that he had a bad habit of talking over me and ignoring me. To his credit, and probably the reason that we are still friends, is that he listened. He took it to heart. He started using his voice to bring attention to me in meetings. I’ve seen him do the same for other women in mixed settings since. I’m grateful for that.

But I never really felt anything like despair, until our experiment ended after a week, and we decided to go to our boss so that we could tell him exactly what it was like writing while female.

He didn’t believe us. He actually said “There are a thousand reasons why the clients could have reacted differently that way. It could be the work, the performance… you have no way of knowing.” For the first time in two years, I *almost* lost my cool. I wanted to grab him by the arms and shake him, scream in his face until he heard me, stress cry and scream at the sky until the world made sense. But I did not cry. That would be breaking The Rules that had kept me alive in this company for this long.

But I will always wonder. What did my boss have to gain by refusing to believe that sexism exists? Even when the evidence is screaming at him, even when his employee who makes him an awful lot of money is telling him, even when THE BOY on staff is telling him??

I never did figure it out. Instead, I quit and started my own business writing blog posts and web copy as a freelancer. In an office of one, I can finally put my walls down.

[wolfreader]

september 2024 wrap-up - young adult fiction

this month i read five (5) young adult novels.

we are okay by nina lacour 📖 🌟🌟🌟🌟

this is actually a reread - i read this for the first time when it intially came out in 2017, when i was in middle school, and i definitely enjoyed it a whole lot more as an adult. we are okay takes place at a university, and there's discussion about the isolation and loneliness you can find yourself in during your first year at college; that's something i can related to far more now that i've gone through my own first year at college where i struggled (and still am struggling) to make new friends and connections versus when i was in my final year of middle school, without a care in the world and surrounded by close friends.

watch over me by nina lacour 📖 🌟🌟

in contrast watch over me, by the same author as we are okay, sucked ass. it's incredibly tedious in a way that i don't think was intentional, at least not to the level i felt it and it had very sloppily implemented magical realism elements. and the entire novel i was just off-put and frustrated by the fact that neither the characters nor the narrative itself ever acknowledged that the group home the main character ends up in was essentially the exact same as the abusive home she was in before with her mother's cult-leader-esque boyfriend, except somehow even more culty.

cursed by marissa meyer 📚 🌟🌟🌟

i bought the first book in this duology for myself, but while i wanted to see what happened next i wasn't quite invested enough to buy the second book, so i picked it up a the library. and i'm glad i did, because while i still enjoyed it, i don't think it's as good as the first book.

it suffered from too many twists, in my opinion. if just a couple of the smaller twists or one of the big ones was taken out, this would have been a much more enjoyable reading experience.

the crimson fortress by akshaya raman 📚 🌟🌟🌟

another young adult duology that i finished, and similar to the gilded / cursed contrast i think the crimson fortress is a downgrade from the ivory key, which is suprising because normally its the other way around with debut novels. the sibling dynamics, which i found so appealing in the ivory key, were less present in this second book and without the other characters to bounce of off there were one or two point of view characters that i found really grating.

however, i really liked the ending. without major spoilers, one of the four main characters ends up leaving the country for an indeterminate amount of time after telling his sister (another main character, the ruler of their country, and on some level complicit in some bad stuff that happened to her brother) that while he loves her, he can't forgive her right then and doesn't know if he'll ever be able to. and i really liked that message!

a curse for true love by stephanie garber 📖 🌟🌟

my disappointment is immeasureable and my day is ruined.

once upon a broken heart is very popular on booktok, and young adult fantasy romance that gets really popular on booktok tends to not be very good, but i actually liked this one well enough! definitely overhyped, but has enough to like about it. then, however, the ballad of never after was enjoyable up until quite literally the last chapter when it pulled one of my least favorite twists: revealing that one leg of a love triangle was evil all along (despite his previous actions saying otherwise) as a way to push the main character toward the other love interest without her actually having to make a choice.

and now this final installment is just dogshit. for starters, i was hoping the entire time i was reading that the twist from the end of the second book would untwist, but it never did. it just got worse. but even beyond that it was just so. weird? multiple major side characters who featured in both the first and second books are just completely absent from this one. there are suddenly multiple perspectives when there haven't been at all before in the series. and i cannot stress enough that the two main characters have absolutely nothing to do with the defeat of the main antagonist. they don't do anything to thwart him, he just dies. he just dies in front of him as a result of something he did which he had been planning to do since the middle of the book, completely divorced from the actions of the main characters.

when i finished this book i was genuinely in shock for a couple of minutes that it ended that badly.

[politixpulse]

Tearful Biden Receives Rousing Farewell at Democratic Convention

Chicago: In an emotional moment at the Democratic National Convention in Chicago, President Joe Biden received a standing ovation during his farewell speech. Introduced by his daughter Ashley, the 81-year-old president expressed his gratitude, saying, "I love you," to an audience that responded with deafening cheers. This heartfelt farewell came less than a month after Biden announced his decision to step aside in the presidential race, passing the torch to his vice president, Kamala Harris.

Biden's entrance was met with chants of "We love you, Joe" from a party that had recently urged him to step down due to concerns about his age. This decision marked one of the most surprising developments in recent U.S. political history.

"We both know we have more to do, but we're moving in the right direction," Biden said, acknowledging the challenges ahead while expressing confidence in Harris, who has swiftly revitalized the Democratic Party. Harris, the first female, Black, and South Asian vice president, has turned the political tide, erasing Republican rival Donald Trump's lead in the polls.

Harris, breaking with convention tradition, spoke on the first night of the event to honor Biden, calling him an "incredible" president. "I want to kick us off by celebrating our incredible president Joe Biden," Harris said, wearing a tan suit and entering the stage to the tune of Beyoncé's "Freedom." She added, "We are forever grateful to you."

The farewell was a family affair, with Biden's wife, Jill, and their daughter, Ashley, by his side. "Joe and I have been together for almost 50 years. And still, there are moments when I fall in love with him all over again," said the first lady, Jill Biden.

'Something is Happening'

The convention in Chicago was filled with a renewed sense of hope for the Democrats, who now see a potential victory in November—a prospect that seemed unlikely just weeks ago following Biden's challenging debate against Trump.

The opening night was emotionally charged, with key figures in the party reflecting on the significance of this moment. Hillary Clinton, who lost to Trump in 2016 in her own bid to become the first female president, expressed her support for Harris. "Something is happening in America, you can feel it—something we've worked for and dreamed of for a long time," Clinton said.

The crowd also erupted in chants of "lock him up" as Clinton referenced Trump's recent conviction in a case involving hush money paid to a porn star—a moment of irony considering Trump had led similar chants against Clinton over her email controversy.

Harris is set to formally accept the party's nomination on Thursday, marking a pivotal moment in her campaign as she addresses millions of American voters. Throughout the week, the party's most prominent figures, including former President Barack Obama and former President Bill Clinton, will endorse Harris as the future of the Democratic Party.

'Craziness'

For Biden, this convention marks a shift from headliner to warm-up act, a role that reportedly frustrates him, despite his public insistence that he is at peace with his decision. "I am," Biden told reporters when asked if he was ready to pass the torch to Harris.

Outside the convention, protests against Israel's war in Gaza highlighted ongoing tensions within the party, particularly among left-wingers and Arab Americans. A group of demonstrators breached the convention's outer security fence before being stopped by police.

Meanwhile, Trump has been thrown into disarray by the sudden change at the top of the Democratic ticket. While Democrats convened in Chicago, Trump spent the week campaigning across the country, including in the battleground state of Pennsylvania, where he criticized Harris, calling her "crazy" and claiming she "has no idea what the hell she's doing" on economic issues.

The political landscape has been dramatically altered, setting the stage for a high-stakes battle as the election approaches.

[josdimension]

The intersection of climate change & communication

It’s safe to say that news informs our daily lives, we rely a lot on digital and print media to tell us not only what is going on in the world but also what should be prioritized as important. With competing news items and a massive amount of information available, we’ve allowed the news to filter to us what we need to know. With the dawn of social media we have been introduced to a new format, what we hear about is not just through the lens of the journalist, or the agency they write for (which determines the day’s top stories), nor the conglomerate (who owns the agencies that define the news cycles according to what benefits their business models), now we can get news from anyone, anywhere, at any time. 

While we can be grateful for the foundation that traditional journalism has laid, I think we should be more grateful that we don’t need to rely on that model to inform us wholly and solely, because when I think about climate change for instance, if we were relying on a large conglomerate to decide what we needed to know, it’s likely we would only have part of the picture. There is one aspect of climate change that I notice is severely underreported on and is the impact of war on climate change. In an article by Doug Weir for the Guardian titled: ‘The climate costs of war and militaries can no longer be ignored’ he talks about how “More than 5% of global emissions are linked to conflict or militaries but countries continue to hide the true scale”.

From this week’s lecture my favorite speaker would have to be the editor from Bloomberg because they did not shy away from the tough audience questions including acknowledging that we are in an era where there is consolidation of news outlet ownership at the top, and that we are still recovering and rebuilding trust from the fake news allegations created during the 2016-2020 political tornado of alternative facts. The presenter had a very organized and well thought out presentation, and really provided some key takeaway items to apply in our daily lives when talking about climate change in both close-knit and wider circles. Including the importance of the following:

“Meeting readers where they are, when they get there.

Reframing  the observable world.

Identifying an inflection point.

Offering analysis or a counterintuitive angle.” 

I also appreciate the discussion around how bringing people to the table to discuss climate change works best when you don’t lead with what they need to sacrifice. The Paper straw example was visually on point and resonates with anyone who ever sat and thought to themselves If this straw melting in my drink is how we’re gonna save the planet then there will be a long road ahead. In reality, straws are a drop in the bucket of the issues we face, while it’s important to stop single use plastics they have to be replaced with solutions that are practical and have longevity so the consumers are inclined to keep using it. This discussion although seemingly small made me think of the ongoing debate about whether people should be paying a premium for plant-based milk, why does almond milk cost more than cow’s milk when one is probably costing the environment more than the other.

To move the needle on the bigger topics like how researchers claim that 12 months of emissions from the Ukraine war are comparable to a year of emissions from 1-3 countries depending on size, we need to start have the smaller tough conversations on milk and straws, to graduate to the military industry complex and how it is harming the planet in more ways than we realize.

While we can be grateful for the foundation that traditional journalism has laid, I think we should be more grateful that we don’t need to rely on that model to inform us wholly and solely, because when I think about climate change for instance, if we were relying on a large conglomerate to decide what we needed to know, it’s likely we would only have part of the picture. There is one aspect of climate change that I notice is severely underreported on and is the impact of war on climate change. In an article by Doug Weir for the Guardian titled: ‘The climate costs of war and militaries can no longer be ignored’ he talks about how “More than 5% of global emissions are linked to conflict or militaries but countries continue to hide the true scale”. 

From this week’s lecture my favorite speaker would have to be the editor from Bloomberg because they did not shy away from the tough audience questions including acknowledging that we are in an era where there is consolidation of news outlet ownership at the top, and that we are still recovering and rebuilding trust from the fake news allegations created during the 2016-2020 political tornado of alternative facts. The presenter had a very organized and well thought out presentation, and really provided some key takeaway items to apply in our daily lives when talking about climate change in both close-knit and wider circles. Including the importance of the following:

“Meeting readers where they are, when they get there.

Reframing  the observable world.

Identifying an inflection point.

Offering analysis or a counterintuitive angle.” 

I also appreciate the discussion around how bringing people to the table to discuss climate change works best when you don’t lead with what they need to sacrifice. The Paper straw example was visually on point and resonates with anyone who ever sat and thought to themselves If this straw melting in my drink is how we’re gonna save the planet then there will be a long road ahead. In reality, straws are a drop in the bucket of the issues we face, while it’s important to stop single use plastics they have to be replaced with solutions that are practical and have longevity so the consumers are inclined to keep using it. This discussion although seemingly small made me think of the ongoing debate about whether people should be paying a premium for plant-based milk, why does almond milk cost more than cow’s milk when one is probably costing the environment more than the other.

To move the needle on the bigger topics like how researchers claim that 12 months of emissions from the Ukraine war are comparable to a year of emissions from 1-3 countries depending on size, we need to start having the smaller tough conversations on milk and straws, to graduate to the military industry complex and how it is harming the planet in more ways than we realize.

[ndvenvs3000w23]

Blog 3: Risk vs. Reward in Interpretation

Hi everyone! Welcome back to my third blog post of this term!

Today's topic is heavier than previous ones as we will be discussing the role privilege has on nature interpretation. Before delving into this topic, we first must understand the definition of privilege. Oxford's dictionary defines privilege as "a special right, advantage, or immunity granted or available only to a particular person or group." With this in mind, we can ask ourselves, how does privilege impact nature interpretation?

Experiencing nature is often a privilege that many people take for granted. Looking at the small scale, someone who lives in a major city, such as Toronto, would not be given the same ease of experiencing nature as someone who lives in Muskoka or other rural areas. While they are still able to go outdoors or venture outside of the city for these experiences, it is a lot more energy intensive to do so than if you were living in the country where there is often immediate access to these conditions. From here, we could look even more small scale at the differences between these individuals, such as their mental health, disabilities, access to transportation, age, health conditions, etc. These differences are often what limit people from experiencing nature the same way that the majority does. For example, a person in a wheelchair would not be able to experience hikes in the same way an able-bodied person can. This shows that within these two different scales, there are even more divisions that alter how much privilege a person has to experience the nature around them.

Altering our view to looking more large scale, we can look at the difference between countries at peace and those at war. Here, we have the ability to venture out of our homes to experience nature through hikes, skiing, and many other activities. In countries stricken with war, those activities are likely memories for them that the cherish and hope to one day experience again. There, they do not have the freedom to leave the safety of their homes for the risks associated with it; risks that we do not have or could not even fathom here. An example of this is with World War II, where many Jewish children in hiding would recall when they were able to go outside and play with their friends, but it was something they could not experience then due to the dangers imposed with venturing outside. It is this privilege that we often forget about in our everyday lives, but it is something that we should acknowledge and appreciate.

After looking into how there can be many different levels of privilege, it provides a whole new meaning to our own experiences. I myself was given the privilege of being able to travel and camp throughout my life, something that I am very grateful for, but also something that I know was a privilege others might not have been able to experience. It is therefore important to not only be able to appreciate our experiences with nature, but to also not take them for granted.

Thank you for reading!

[krystlind]

God's really making changes in my life, helping me overcome my flesh and live in the Spirit!

I never knew Obedience was such a key

and I must document this down

i am able to go through the day, even if I have the food thoughts... I didn't give in. I was able to have my blocks of time without needing the bits today.

i was just in flow, making my newsletter.. taking my time with it though! it wasn't fast, it was slow, and maybe that's okay

i was feeling anxious about the call with Erika, in the gym I heard: "I will tell you what to say." and "I brought her to you" and instructions "15 minutes before, make the plan." and I obediently turned down my flesh, not getting the snack at the gym, which would've taken away my grounding, planning time before Erika. to feel calm and prepared.

I watched Sasha Cohen's video again today, and it's almost like the words were spiritual. "the real Sasha Cohen" EVERY. SINGLE. WORD! I have chills. it's like God has been ministering to me for so much of my life with that video the whole time. and especially with: "all those coaches, and moving around the country.. it's a good thing she went back to her original coach. who knows her best." WOW! that's God to me.

While I was fasting on Monday, i heard "I call you by Name." and then that was the Chosen episode. and then that was the Sasha Cohen narrator line.

God is saying "I call you by name."

I want people to say "wow you are so fearless!" and me to say "I still have my fears, but they don't get to me, because my Fear is in God."

ED voice comes up and I'm starting to dis-identify it from me. I can hear it say "you want this next. you can get away with it because it's healthy." now I am identifying it, challenging it, "but why do we NEED it? are we really gonna be suffering without it?" and not snacking while I'm making it as if I need it in the moment, but making it a sacred dish and moment. and committing to that dish, letting myself enjoy the whole thing and really tuning into what is good and enough. and saying "this is good and enough, it lacks nothing." and then I turned down the blueberries which aren't bad but it was more of me ignoring the compulsion to need it, or else

I did my work today and I felt energized! -> let yourself experience what you're doing and let it be authentic.

What's clear to me

acknowledging the feelings, and choose to act otherwise (not having to make the feelings mean you have to act on it)

I can move slowly and let me experience something again. for example, today my newsletter. it was actually fun for me to put together, and I didn't rush it. I took my time with it. I allowed myself to enjoy doing it. -> lesson: give yourself permission to do things slowly and to enjoy the process more. see where you are rushing through it like a checkbox.

I like it when I feel like I'm talking to an inner circle. not everyone. lesson -> start communicating to your inner group now, not making content or message for the general masses.

I can't let my voice be taken away. my tone. the minute it becomes generic, we lose the people. the human-ness is what people need.

Also, all these signs are leading to cabin in the woods

my desktop background, then sola just pointed out the notebook (I forgot!) I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do in the woods, but I know I want to take like a 4-5 day retreat and let it be between me and God

Also, signs that God is leading me into CEO/1o1 structure level

Erika, "how can I help you?" just as easy as that! I'm so grateful God. and I feel like I spoke with Wisdom "here is our plan, we are finalizing the roadmap for the year, next week this date, I'll share that with you, it would be great to have you as eagle eyes, blindspot, someone who believes in our big vision but can be real"

I asked the right questions: "what role do you play for other startups/orgs" and "here's what my plan was, as we first discussed, I would get the crowdfund fulfillment, we would see how that rolled out and then revisit conversations around being an angel" and she followed up with what needed from me. again more assets which is so good! "GTM, event sponsorship, etc"

and then Sola is having me join her webinar as a Community Engineer and I can go over the P to P to P plan, it will force me to articulate and structur-ize this ... as I've been wanting to!

I really believe God is going to have me help people build IRL community systems, and I wll be fighting isolation, getting people off social media, basically start doing what I'm doing which is really weaning myself/brain off of it, using it like the tool it was meant to be

and not a substitute for real community and connection

need confirmation from God

articulation classes? speech?

idk why I keep getting inspirations around doing music again.. just not sure how

where do I go in Feb 22 who knows? i think honestly it might be the end of us.. and that's okay. i have a feeling we are gonna be good friends.

Some realizations I had tonight while brushing my teeth

why do I get anxious when my friends start to rise higher? I started to follow this trail down to it's root. so let's go there

because I actually feel they might leave me behind, they might forget about me, or not want to be friends with me again

is there evidence of this or them ever doing this? no

so this is actually clearly a reflection of how I feel about myself and worthiness to be their friend if they get higher in status

something about "status" with me then.. it's some kind of determinant

brings up my feelings (not sure where it started) but everyone in LLA/Filipino community, applauding *others* more, I'm not taken seriously, fear I'll fade away

"I'll show you all, everyone around me" in LL, Fil, and then I'm still owned by it. whatever you own ends up owning you.

"there's nothing more pressuring than unmet potential" Sasha Cohen. that's what I fear... God speak over me in this

like what do I do with these dreams? the potential? is it self delusion?

so clearly Status plays some big role here... like things trigger me bc it marks whether I am lowering or not

Status=getting places or not. but then there's people who don't care. they can glide. and they flow well with anyone in any class. everyone feels comfortable with them. Clem.

what if ... I am free of needing those status symbols. what if being free of the need for it, almost is what frees me upward, or downwards, sideways who knows... would it matter then?

and then I remembered reading in the Bible the other day, the lesson from Jesus about seating at the last seat. I have always known this story, not sure why it was being brought to my attention. but now I see

then from Jesus "choose the last seat" AH! that's scary.. aren't we supposed to self-promote in this world? I guess the point isn't to lay low, but not to chase the self-promotion-content game.

I actually think I'm more natural and averse at the non-self-promotion this whole time- when I see the trends, I don't wanna do them. I kinda like to be more stealthy. to stick to my community and what I do, and rise to more CEO status. CEOs are not chasing the fame... they are building a company, they are raising up leaders, they are doing the right things in private. like talking to Erika and building a "textbook"/structure for Sola's stuff :)

in the gym i realized

why are you putting them in a pedestal? just partner. go into it with honesty and preparation and clarity on your situation .. my learning? be clear on the ask

enter into his rest.. i had a visual of me externally interacting with the stakeholders, and then my inner world i'm resting like a child in jesus, safe, always secure

you did good though! you asked the right questions, you were authentic, you were clear

Again with Sasha Cohen!

"what a performer!" = oh... it's ok to be a performer!

"no longer afraid of making mistakes" = (in the gym I heard this next part) you are becoming one who is no longer scared of the mistakes, knowing that should they be made, you can overcome that, they won't define you

Overcoming being a perfectionist like her, but "you have to be perfect to stay in the game" so perfection in a way, is required but it's not me being perfect.. Christ is Perfect

I go to God because it's more FUN to partner with the Father :)

[felineandhustle]

Boom!!!!Did you hear something crash? ….. lol yes I did. What could that be ?… of course it’s my heart that got crashed… OMG !!!! Again ? Ermmm yhhh…but how did u allow it happen again!!! Cut me some slack I’m human !! He was my friend you know , my closefriend, he came with a bag of promises , he said he will never leave me , he said his love for me is natural and he will always love me no matter what , he looked out for me, he knew all the sides of me !! The good, the bad and the ugly. He was there whenever I needed him, he knew my trepidation and promised it will never see the light of the day. He knew how fragile I was. He gained all my trust , mum said “he is a good man give him a chance and see how it goes”. My heart eventually caved in, oh man he treated me like a queen , treated me like I’m all that mattered, I let my guard down , I gave him my all, I treated him like my king , I mean he was my all, I showed it mine own way. Bam!!!! His visa was eventually ready, we were over the moon , I was proud of him, I knew he would make us proud. We eventually had to say our goodbyes , that was the saddest moment of my life . How can I live my life without being rapped in his arms, but I knew it was a necessary evil. We promised to continue loving each other no matter what happens. But oh boy the first week was tormenting , the time difference was nerve wracking, I was exasperated all the time , I was now getting accustomed to our new life , but my love for him never changed, to his credit he did all he could to make me feel loved whiles trying to find his feet in a new country on another continent with different cultures and time zones …….. hmmm not until the 4th week , one sentence I made caused our love story to shake eventually leading to the collapse of it . I withdrew my statement and made conscious effort to rectify , which he acknowledged, but it didn’t change his mind , his mind was made up, I cried , begged said all I could he never looked back , he wanted friendship, he didn’t deserve it. I have made mistakes worst than that , which he forgave but he claimed he forgave me but he loss the spark , he told me his wish is to meet again when our future aligns and if it’s meant to be it will be, he said I should give him time, I hope he is able to achieve his dreams whiles I achieve mine , I hope he becomes the valedictorian as he wished for . He didn’t keep to his promise of loving me forever and protect me always, I am human and to err is human , he has erred before and I was able to look passed that, regain the spark I lost for him and kept loving him. Unfortunately he couldn’t do same for me , he couldn’t conquer the distance and fight for our love, I called him a coward because he awakened my love when he wasn’t ready to love me forever, I eventually caved in and decided to let go after he said if we were to come back again he would cause me distress, he won’t reply my text often and not pick my call, lol that literally reduced the respect and love I had for him, and made me realise I deserved better, coupled with some indifference he displayed , like me telling him I love him and the reply was thank you for loving me lol. I mean he isn’t the best option out there and if he was a good man, he won’t be selfish neither will he hurt me like he did. He wasn’t fair to me. At the end he still said he loved me and always will, that’s just one of his lies, too many lies. I learnt you can love someone from afar without being with them, which is just for the time being, just like other heartbreaks with time I will heal, what makes this worse is the trust I had in him but hey girl it’s his loss, he might find someone better or worse but that person is not me. I’m grateful for that, and likewise me too but I hope to find someone who keeps to their promises and don’t break me. Love is a beautiful thing and I won’t give up on it, but for now I’m better off alone. I have a future to focus on !!! It’s exciting and scary at the same time but I’m ready . 🤗

[areyouafraid]

im really gonna crack up man like im really gonna lose my shit one of these days.

ive sent application after application to all these different dumps for the last 3 months and none of them have come back. none of them pay more than maybe 15 an hour at best. and this fucking freelance thing i just tried to look into to at least supplement me with a form of income while i look for a job is a total shitshoot its garbage i flat out dont even know if i can do it. im 19 right now im lucky im not like fucking paying rent or anything. but i sure will have to eventually! it's bad enough i feel like a fuckup who can't keep a job after i got fired from my last dump but like. only so much time

virtually all of my family and friends age 20 - 30 live in fucking dumpy little tenement apartments and those are the ones who can even get places of their own. dont know if i even know anyone who makes more than like maybe 30K a year. and i think we're still the lucky ones. my parents got a 3 bedroom house back in 2001 and i live with them. but i cant live here forever, like financially socially emotionally thats just not... feasible for me. i think they said a little over 11% of americans live under the poverty line? and then there's a study that says america has the worst poverty rate out of 26 "developed" nations. this country is a fucking sick little joke. an empire built off of genocide that brutalizes the rest of the world while its citizens rot in the streets. a twisting labyrinth of dead-end jobs and unwalkable cities with nothing to do but toil and die. what is new york city if not a giant factory town? and this does not even cover one one-eighth of what is wrong with this stupid shitshow of a country

and whatever i know i should just be grateful for what i have (what do i have?) and i know it's a common sentiment among poor / impoverished people to be like well you just need to hustle harder well this is just how it is etc etc but like just what an absurd fucking way to think like you guys are fucking high. people shouldn't live like this. people can't live like this. it's not sustainable. it's not realistic. we have to have a right to shelter and food and literally at the bare minimum to fucking survive like... i mean for fuck's sake there are wild dogs who live in tiny rock dens smeared with their own shit and blood who still have a better quality of life than human beings in our beautiful utopian capitalist society. at least ants and wolves look out for each other. what happens when you fall sick or become homeless in america? what happens if you don't have enough money in america?

with every new day i feel more and more like anything resembling a fulfilling life is just not possible here. i don't know where else i would go. i know travel is expensive. idk i just like. i know this is my home and it does feel like a cop-out but i can't live like this. nobody can live like this. fuuuuck this. honest to christ even if north korea was actually one quarter as bad as US propaganda says it is that would be better than this. at least under the Cold Cruel Hand of Communism i'd have something to fall back on. i'd be insured and have a place to live. what do we have in capitalist america? a weak nod of acknowledgement? and you know what my least favorite part of "patriotic" american bullshit is? if this is really the "best country on earth" we might as well just start organizing mass suicides.

and now with senile old fuck biden regurgitating israeli propaganda and encouraging the senseless murder of palestinians i just think. and this is the guy democrats wanted. this is the guy that republicans were shitting themselves over telling themselves he'd turn america communist or whatever. god if youre still even taking calls from this fucking tragedy of a planet i hope some sort of incurable and highly infectious plague breaks out inside the white house and all of those stupid fucks end up with abscesses forming inside their brains. it might not fix anything but it'd take some of those perverted vultures off the face of the earth so it'd be a nice pick-me-up at least. UGHHHHHHHHHH