#we are not going to get into it i just wanted to yell at the void

[bluewxrld07]

I'm The Problem (Luke Hughes)

Summary: Luke isn't the happiest camper post his shoulder surgery, and he feels at a loss at the fact he needs help doing almost everything. His best friend Y/N has been there every step of the way, but takes a step back after Luke get overstimulated

Warning(s): angst, yelling/cursing, crying, lack of self-worth

"For fucks sake."

Luke was annoyed to say the absolute least.

After getting an injury towards the end of the season, especially during playoffs, he felt like he let down the team at the one time where it counted most.

The surgery went smooth and well, it was the recovery that was taking a toll on him. He was a someone who liked the faster healing process rather than sitting on being patient. Only in certain cases that is, which this one happens to be part of.

He always looked forward to the summertime because he got to see his friends back home, stay at the lakehouse, golf and skate freely without the pressure on him.

Now he could barely do any of that without his injury causing some sort of issue. Don't even get him started on the sling. He hated that thing with a burning passion.

Y/N though, was there to help pick him back up when he needed it most.

She managed to take time off of work for a couple weeks during the week of his surgery to help him, especially since Jack was still in recovery from his own.

Luke didn't think he'd be able to get through anything without her around, she was an angel in disguise for him post surgery.

That was at first.

The more and more Luke figured out he couldn't do while in Michigan, the more frustrated and overwhelmed he began to feel. He couldn't swing a golf club, put on clothes properly, wash his hair, drive a car (or boat for that matter). It was beginning to piss him off as time went on.

Y/N would cut in to help him whenever she could see the annoyance reaching his eyes.

The time he was trying to open one of his meal prep containers, tongue sticking out as he grumbled at it not opening.

So Y/N walked over and softly grabbed it from his hands. "I got it, it's okay." she assures him with a soft smile, opening it with a pop and handing it back to him.

"Thank you pretty girl," he chuckles dryly.

Luke first started off mumbling out 'thank you's and now he barely said a thing when she'd cut in. He would either scoff or stomp away like a toddler.

Y/N understood how helpless Luke felt, as having a knee surgery a few years back that caused her to be bedridden for a month or two. it was hard to see everyone doing stuff for you around you when all you wanted to do was accomplish it on your own.

What Luke didn't know was how exhausted Y/N was. Not mentally, but physically. She was up every night the week post his surgery, making sure to switch out his ice packs, bandages, meds, you name it.

She only got a couple hours of sleep realistically each night during that time. She would never complain about it, because she wanted to make the process easy on Luke.

It was now the summertime in which meant she was done with college for the time being until fall, so she was also joining the boys at the lakehouse as per tradition. Not only to make sure Luke had the help he needed, but to also see her other favorite friends she hadn't seen in a bit as they were all traveling for work too.

It was another early morning in the Hughes lakehouse, she was just returning from her workout session and grocery shopping when she could hear the quiet commotion of some of the boys awake in the kitchen.

She smiles warmly as she sets down both arms that are full of grocery bags, nicely onto the counter. Dylan Duke, Cole and Quinn were all awake and made their ways over to the girl to help unpack everything.

"You're all awake earlier than usual." she jokes, opening a bottle of water.

"We decided to run this morning, and we were the only ones who actually got up at our alarms to go." Cole mentions, making her chuckle lightly.

"Should've came and joined my class today. Totally would've made you sweat your asses off, but totally worth how you feel afterwards." She says after she swallows a sip of her drink.

Quinn gives her a look, and points at her. "Absolutely not, I've seen how scary Hot Pilates can be." he denies as he puts groceries away.

"Oh come on it isn't that bad. You gotta try it before you hate on it!" she argues, Dylan laughing at her statement.

"We choose life sweetheart," Cole laughs. "Besides us men can't be seen dying in a class like that. Let's be real." Dylan adds. Y/N rolls her eyes playfully.

"Besides," Quinn buds in. "Luke was about to go insane if he didn't get out of this house somehow and do something more productive."

Y/N raises her brow. "He went running too?"

The boys nodded. "How'd he feel after that?" she says, going to sit at one of the barstools and crossing one leg over the other.

Quinn puts a hand over his neck and slides it across as if to signal not to ask. She purses her lips. "That bad huh?"

Dylan sighs. "He ended up stopping halfway through and walking the rest of the way because the motion kept killing his shoulder. He was red in the face by the time he got back to the house, and it wasn't just from how warm it is outside."

Y/N rubs a hand over her face. "Did he take any of his painkillers? I left them on his nightstand this morning before I left."

Dylan shrugs his shoulders. "No idea. He was too crabby to talk to, so I have no idea."

"You know I'm not deaf right?" Luke's voice booms into the kitchen, his back turned towards them all as he goes to sit on the couch.

He was dressed in a pair of athletic shorts and a plain navy blue t-shirt, his sling over his body and hair still slightly damp from his shower.

Y/N looks at the boys, trying to hide her amused smile as they are. They decide to keep putting stuff away for Y/N while she looks back at Luke who is hunched over and tense.

She hops off the chair and makes her way towards him and rounds the couch to sit next to the blond boy.

He is staring forward, knee bouncing as if he is contemplating in his head.

"How're you feeling Lu?" she asks cautiously.

Luke just grimaces. "Sore." Is all he responds with.

"Did you take some of your meds?"

"Yeah I did when I got back."

"Why didn't you take them before?"

Luke just lets out a loud huff and rolls his eyes, standing up his spot and walking into the kitchen to join the boys conversation.

Y/N frowns at his mood change, knowing no matter how frustrated he got, he never shut her down like that. Instead of bombarding him she ignores it and stands up herself.

"I'm gonna go shower, and then what is the plan today?" she asks.

Cole scratches his head. "Uhhh I think we're going to do the boat for like an hour or two, and then Jack was saying we should hit up this new juice place. He said it's similar to Jamba Juice or something, but it's like the protein juice things."

She gives a thumbs up before walking away towards Luke's room to grab a change of clothes before heading to shower.

Once she finishes and she's dressed, she heads back down the stairs to now see everyone was awake and music was softly playing in the background as they all conversed.

Jack saw her and smiled before pulling her in for a bear hug. "Goodmorning sunshine."

"More like good afternoon now sir." she chuckles, and Jack rolls his eyes as he looks down at her when they break apart. "Hey I forgot I told them I would join this morning, I like my sleep."

"Oh I know. I said you guys should've just joined my workout class this morning."

Jack snorts. "Absolutely not, I choose life my dear Y/N."

"That's what I told her!" Dylan points out, mouthful of food.

"You're a bunch of wimps." she laughs as she goes to grab the cooler off of Quinn's hands.

"Let's get this show on the road now shall we? We're wasting daylight!" she says before heading towards the sliding door.

They all began to slowly follow behind the girl, her letting them all pass to make sure the door was shut before they left. Luke was the last to leave, his face still a bit more droopy. His eyes caught hers, and she gave him a soft, warm smile. "You ready to go?" she says.

"I'm here aren't I?" he says with an annoyed tone, making her smile fall slightly but she tries to hide it and just nods.

"I brought some of your stuff just incase you start to hurt while we're out there." she says, and he just nods.

"You feeling okay Luke?" she finally asks as they walk side by side.

"Yes I'm fine, stop asking." he says in a short tone, earning a frown from Y/N.

"Watch the tone I'm only asking because I care." she shoots back, and watches his face fall slightly.

"Sorry. I'm sorry you're right. I'm just really sore today." he says with a sigh, and she nods. "That's okay. It's normal. I get it." is all she answers with a tight smile.

The rest of the way onto the boat is quiet between them both, Luke deciding to catch up to Duke and talk with him as they got onto the boat.

Jack helped grab the cooler and Y/N's wrist to help her onto the boat, the girl smiling thankfully at him as she stepped onto the wobbly platform.

She went to go sit across from Luke instead of next to him like she usually would, just to give him a bit of space as she's noticed his mood has been a bit more negative with her.

Luke doesn't say anything as he sees her sit across from him, only eyeing her as he talks to Duke who sits on one side of him. She gives him a tight-lipped smile before looking away and starts to talk with Cole and Trevor, Quinn being the designated driver for the day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Ouch Trevor! Move your fat ass over!" Y/N laughs out, pushing the boy over to his side of the booth, rolling her eyes as he playfully dramatized her actions with a fake pout.

The other boys get back with everyone's drinks, Y/N thanking Quinn as he handed her what she ordered before she takes a sip.

The group all converses amongst one another, discussing the plans for the summer and all the concerts they have all planned while sipping and munching on food and drinks.

"So Y/N you gonna have any dates while you're out here this summer?" Cole teases, earning a look from her with an amused smile.

"Yeah absolutely not. Remember how that went last summer?"

"Which one? The one that stood you up and said his fish died, or the one that ordered for you?" he jokes.

"Both actually," she chuckles while sipping on her drink.

"Yeah I remember when you texted the chat saying how the dumbass had been already sitting at a table with food ordered by the time you got there."

"Wait what? He already had it ordered?" Jack snorts.

She nods with a laugh. "Oh yeah. Basically gave me the house salad that comes with his order. So didn't even order me something for myself." she says, the guys all laughing.

Luke rolls his eyes and shakes his head as he remembers that day. She felt so annoyed and so pissed off, and she was starving after that ended.

"Never again. If I go on a date at all this summer, it's because it's with the guy I'd actually want to go on one with." she admits, making the boys all snap their heads to her.

"Wait," Trevor says, mouthful of chips. "There actually is a guy you have your eyes on??" he questions, and she nods with a raised brow.

"Who?" Duke pries, and she shrugs her shoulders while stirring her drink.

Her eyes scan the group, Jack giving her a knowing look and she just averts his gaze. "Oh come on you've gotta give us something." Cole groans, and she shakes her head.

"Nope not this year."

"Why not?"

"Because everytime I tell you guys, I feel like I jinx it because then they ghost me right after!"

"I doubt this one would." Quinn hums out, making her snap her head towards him and his shrugs.

"What? It's true!"

"Quinn knows?! Why does Quinn know?" Trevor whines.

"She didn't tell me, I just figured it out." he laughs, and she points at him with a nod.

"He's right."

"Well then now you have to tell us." Trevor begs, and she shakes her head with a laugh.

"What does Golfing look like this week?" she says to change the subject. The guys easily grab onto the bait and start discussing what they had in mind, her eyes drifting towards Luke who sat in the corner of the booth.

He was in his own world, gnawing on his straw as he tries to listen to the group converse. She can tell he is in his own mind.

She lightly nudges his leg underneath the table, causing him to snap out of his daze and look over at her. "You feeling alright?" she asks a little bit more on the quiet side, not to disturb the group of boys in front of them.

He rolls his eyes. "Y/N when are you going to stop asking me that? It's really not necessary." His gaze going back to the boys.

"You just seem off, and I want to make sure you're okay. Or that if your shoulder is bugging you-"

"I'm not a pussy I can handle the soreness and pain that comes with my injury, alright? Knock it off." he snaps quietly, his eyes burning over towards hers.

She looks at him in disbelief, stunned at the words that just came out of his mouth.

"Fuck me I guess." she mumbles back before deciding to ignore his energy, ignoring the look he throws her way after she says that, indulging in the new topic the boys were now caught into.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

Once they had arrived home from the juice place, Y/N was at a breaking point.

After how Luke had treated her throughout the day, she began to realize something was seriously wrong with him. She couldn't figure out what it was.

She knew he had been frustrated about his injury in general, but she didn't know why it was getting worse whenever she came around.

The boys all went to sit down in the livingroom as the rain started to slowly come down. The soft patters being heard on the rooftop of the house.

They turned on some country music while connecting the PS5 to the giant TV screen. Y/N had gone into the kitchen to go and grab herself something to eat and something to drink, setting it onto the kitchen island as she also went and prepped Luke's meds he was supposed to take every evening like clockwork.

The glass of water fills up and she tries to hide the shaking in her hands, both from exhaustion and anxiety because of what's going on with Luke.

She shook the tension away that was forming between them, and put on a fake facade while walking over to the boys.

"You going to come and join us for a round?" Cole asks, motioning towards the video games on the screen.

She smiles and nods. "Yes I will. Just give me a few minutes."

Y/N walks towards the other big couch where Luke was sitting with Duke and Jack, softly putting her hand on his good shoulder. He whipped his head towards her before rolling his eyes.

"Hey I have your meds, and I grabbed you a water to help get them down-"

"I don't need it."

"Luke you know you're supposed to take these or you can't sleep." she pries with a frown.

He huffs and decides to ignore her, starting to talk to Duke and Jack again. The boys give her a reassuring look before looking back at Luke.

"Luke, take them. You know how you get without them. If you take them later you're going to get sick." she tries again soft but stern.

Luke still doesn't acknowledge her, so she lets out a huff.

"Luke I swear if you don't take these-"

"Oh my fucking fuck Y/N just stop! I said No!"

"Luke I know you don't want to, but your surgeon says you need-"

"I don't give a fuck! I am sick of taking those and I am sick of you breathing down my neck and forcing those down my throat. Seriously knock it the fuck off!" he snaps, making the room quiet and look at the pair.

His eyes are now staring up at hers with a sharp glare, hers frowning down at him in confusion.

"Luke what the fuck is your issue? I'm just trying to help you-"

"Well fucking stop helping! I don't need your help, or you! You're insufferable! You breathe down my neck at every single moment of every single fucking day and it's annoying. You're like a clingy girlfriend who won't hop off my dick. Seriously stop, just stop!" he yells out, and begins to stand up.

Only when he stands up, his good shoulder hits her hands that were frozen in place with the glass and pills. Before she can react, the glass and pills spill from her hands and crash onto the hardwood floor, glass shattering everywhere.

It was so silent that you could've heard a pin drop. Y/N is frozen as she looks at the mess on the ground, hands shaking as her anxiety increases, hands frozen in their spot where she was once holding things.

She could feel the tears forming, lip quivering.

"Y/N" Jack's voice perks up slowly.

"Y/N are you okay?" Jack asks slowly once again. She snaps out of her daze, and sniffles putting on a fake smile.

She nods quickly and her arms fall to their sides.

"Yeah. Yeah I'm fine, I'm good. I uh I'm just going to clean this up and head to bed." she says before walking quickly to the kitchen to grab the cleaning supplies.

Jack is the first to stand up and follow behind her to the closet.

She's letting out a few huffs and sniffles when he sees her, shakily grabbing the broom and dust pan. Jack grabs them from her hands and says her name softly to have her look up at him.

"I got it. It's okay." he says to her in an assuring tone.

She looks into his eyes for a second, Jack seeing the heartbreak hitting her eyes as tears fall freely.

"I got the mess. Okay?" he says one more time, and she wipes her eyes.

"Okay." she sighs before leaving the room quickly and rushing up the stairs.

When Jack emerges from the closet and over towards the mess on the ground, his eyes glared over at Luke who was still standing and facing where Y/N once stood.

"You're a fucking asshole, Luke." he growls out. Luke sighs and lets his head fall.

"That was a dick move. Real dick move bro, she's been there for you the most out of anybody." Duke adds in, Luke running his hands through his hair.

"Well she hasn't left me alone for one fucking minute! I was losing my mind okay? This recovery has fucking sucked." he sputter out, sitting back down and putting his face into one hand.

"Do you know how much shit she has done for you? She didn't sleep a wink when she was one jersey during your first week post surgery." Jack admits.

"What do you mean?" Luke says.

"She stayed up a majority of every night in case you woke up in pain, or in case you needed something other than your doses of your meds. She was the one who would fill the kitchen with your favorite snacks. Your favorite drinks. She was the one who has dropped everything to take you to PT and your surgical follow ups. She hasn't slept since your surgery, because she wants to make sure this recovery is as easy as it can be for you!" Jack bursts, red in the face.

Luke sighs. "Fuck." he winces.

"Dude if you weren't injured right now I'd fucking smack you silly." Quinn scoffs.

"I don't care if you're injured, I'm still debating on doing it." Jack says.

Luke felt like shit. It was all hitting him now.

The times he caught her already awake at five in the morning. The tired red eyes she would have, bags very prominent underneath. The little naps she would take on his lap during the day. Her forgetting to eat because she was so caught up on preparing his food. Missing nights out with her girlfriends to be there for his appointments and PT.

Now he knows he has fucked up in the past, but he really fucked up in this moment. He fucked up terribly.

"I'd be so surprised if you're able to fix this one. You really hurt her, Luke." Jack says, a tired tone being heard in his voice.

"I really fucking hurt her. Fuck I fucked up bad." he groans out, feeling his face get hot and eyes gloss over.

All of their ears perked up when they hear the front door shut, Jack's eyes darting back over to Luke with a scowl as his own face had a fearful look going.

Silence follows as the boys watch Jack drop the supplies in his hands and scurry towards the entryway and open the door.

The door slams shut and Jack comes stomping back.

He points at Luke. "I'm gonna beat your ass." he snaps walking over towards his brother, Cole and Trevor walking towards him and pull him back. Luke stands up.

"What? Why? What happened?"

"She's gone."

Luke's eyes widen, soon rounding the couch and running up the stairs and towards his room.

He slams the door open on turns on the light, frowning when he sees her stuff is still on her side of his bed still in the messy clean form it was in this morning.

He rushes down the stairs. "Her stuff is still here." he says.

Jack is running his hand through his hair while the other is sitting on his hip.

"You better go find her. You better fucking find her, or hope she fucking comes back in one piece. If not, it's your head that will be on a stick by morning."

Luke glares at Jack at his sudden protectiveness over Y/N. "Since when do you get so protective over her? What's your fucking deal?"

"Because that girl is one you shouldn't treat like shit or throw away! She's one that you keep around forever, Luke. That girl is so fucking in love with you and you fucking blew it!" Jack says, his voice raising with every word he says.

Luke freezes.

"Wait, what?"

Jack bites his lip. "Fuck," he hisses. "I wasn't supposed to say that."

"Since when? How long have you known this?" Luke says, his anger now rising.

"No you don't get to fucking be the one who is pissed off! You don't get to act like that!" Quinn buds in.

Luke glares at his older brother. "You knew too? Are you fucking joking? Why-"

"Alright fucking enough! This isn't what we should be fighting about, what we should be doing is figuring out how the fuck Luke is going to fix things with Y/N." Trevor bursts out, making everyone turn over to him in shock.

Trevor throws his hands up in the air. "Yeah I know. Trevor of all people saying you guys need to calm the fuck down, but seriously I'm the only one that is also willing to see that we have a bigger issue to fix right now."

"Luke you need to figure out what you're going to say and do to fix this," Trevor instructs while pointing at him. He then points at the other boys. "You guys can sort your shit out afterwards. Y/N comes first right now."

Luke huffs, knowing he really had to sort his shit out. He royally fucked up badly, and this was the girl he cared about more than anyone else who existed in his life.

Jack was right. She was a forever girl.

He just hoped that she would still be there after all of this.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Y/N arrived home, it was late. WayI late.

She knew it was way late when all of the boys were sleeping, and the lights were all off inside the house. The outdoor porch light glowing a dark orange as she approached the front door.

Sniffles left her lips as she tried to stay as quiet as she could while opening the door, silently closing and locking it behind her.

The girl kicks her shoes off and lines them up at the door with all the other pairs of shoes there, setting her keys on the group key hanger before padding into the kitchen.

She turns on the dimmer lighting, hoping to not let it be too bright to wake any of the boys whom were sleeping on the main floor bedrooms.

When she opened the fridge she saw her leftovers that she was going to eat earlier that night sitting right in the smack-dab front, a note adorning the top of the lid.

Made sure nobody touched it. I hope you're home safely

-Quinn

She sighs before placing the note on the counter, opening up the container and grabbing a fork as she decides to just eat it cold to not worry about waking up anyone in the house.

Y/N brings the bowl over to one of the living room couches and eats in absolute silence, her mind running in circles as it has been all night. She thought maybe going for a drive and then stopping at the beachfront of the lake next to theirs would be a way to somewhat clear her mind a bit.

As she sat there alone with her thoughts once more, she couldn't help but break down into more tears.

Her container falls onto the coffee table as she lets the tears fall freely, putting her head into her hands as she lays herself on her side. Her chest feeling heavy as her heart breaks over again.

She couldn't believe Luke had really said those things. Really thought that about her especially.

Was she really that clingy? That much of a nuisance to Luke? Was she just causing more harm than good to him right now? Should she just leave the lakehouse in the morning was the real question.

She didn't know what to do.

Tears kept falling freely as she lay there on the couch, curled into a ball, rubbing her arms up and down.

Her eyes suddenly started to feel heavier, her sobs turning into soft hiccups, tears drying on her face that was red, splotchy and puffy. She let her eyes slowly close, her mind trying to be silenced by sleep.

Which slowly does take over.

Y/N soon is fast asleep on the couch, no blanket or pillow covering her as she was too caught up in her mind to notice.

Little did she realize that her container falling onto the table caused a loud enough noise for the oldest Hughes brother to stun awake and head out to the kitchen to see what was happening.

He squints around, then does s double take when he sees a small form curled up on the couch while little hiccups left their mouth. He walks over, his heart clenching as he sees Y/N shaking from crying so much while being fast asleep.

He grabs her bowl and puts the rest back into the fridge for her tomorrow, then walking back over to the girl and picking her up slowly to not disturb the much needed slumber she needs.

Quinn looks down at her, seeing how torn her face looked even in her sleep. If thoughts could kill in that moment, he was sure Luke would be dead in an instant.

Once he is back into his room, he quietly shuts the door and brings her over to lay in his bed. He sets her down softly and cover her up with his comforter, kissing her head softly. "I'm so sorry he did this to you." he whispers out, knowing she couldn't hear him.

He sighs before standing up and walking over to his side of the bed and getting in. Once his light is turned off he is laying on his side and keeps his distance from Y/N so she has her space, before he himself slowly falls back into a deep slumber.

~~~~~~~~~~~

"Her car is here so she had to come back. There is no way she would just disappear." Luke says as he paces around. "She didn't come sleep in my room last night."

"Well I wouldn't blame her is she decided to sleep somewhere else too. I wouldn't want to be near you either after being told all of that." Duke says, earning a look from Luke. His friend put his hands up in defense.

Jack, Cole and Trevor were all out that morning picking up some of Y/N favorites in opes that they could try to make her feel a bit better, while Luke was conjuring up what he was going to do and say to Y/N to at least get on a path towards fixing things between them both.

"Where would she have gone? She hates sleeping in other beds. She says they're not as comfortable, and I'm the only one in the house that has a fan. Because she can't sleep without one." Luke bombards, biting his nails.

"Well I think after how much she cried out last night, her body will be out for quite some time with no fan or your bed needed." Quinn's voice perks up, the boys waltzing into the kitchen with a yawn.

Luke stops pacing and looks at Quinn.

"What do you mean? Where is she? Is she safe?"

Quinn shushes his brother with a look and a hand motion to shut him up.

"Yes she is fine. She's asleep in my room-"

"What the fuck-"

"No don't start that shit. She wouldn't be in there in the first place if you didn't act like a bitch and go off on her like you did last night." Quinn chirps before Luke can say another word. "So yeah she is sleeping in my room. I woke up because I heard her come home, she passed out from crying so much on the couch, so I carried her to sleep in my room. You need to get over yourself if you're going to even have a chance at fixing the mess you made." Quinn admits.

Luke knows he is right. Quinn might've been the more quiet and reserved one out of the three brothers, but when he was mad or driven about something, people listened because he wasn't bullshitting in any way.

Luke decided to keep his mouth shut and put his good hand on his hip.

"So what do I do? Where do I start?" he asks, and Quinn shuts the fridge to turn to his brother.

"You need to apologize. Really apologize, hear her out, and be fucking honest." Quinn instructs. "You want a chance at being with the one girl I know you're just as obsessed with as she is with you, then you need to lay every fucking thing out. Don't bullshit any of it, Luke." Quinn explains, letting his little brother take in his words.

"But for now, you need to let her sleep. She looked so exhausted. Let her sleep and take her time. Don't immediately jump her throat when she so much as walks out here." He finishes before disappearing from the kitchen to go outside.

Duke looks at Luke and nods. "I think he's right. He said it better than I could've."

So that's what Luke did.

He left to go golfing with the boys. He left to go out on the boat. He left to go into town for lunch. He gave her space. He didn't want to do what Quinn said would make her feel pressured. He kept his distance.

Throughout that day, he slowly started to realize just how much her presence was meant for their group. Meant for him. He never realized how important she became for him especially with all of his post surgery things. She did keep him in check for good reasons.

He was stressed out every time he forgot to take his meds. Or when he forgot to do his PT exercises. Or when he especially forgot to switch out his ice packs.

She really did make it an easier process for him. Every single thing she was doing wasn't to be a pain in his ass or cling onto him, it was to make it easier on him.

He groans at the thought, knowing he really wished he could've just shut his trap the night before, but of course his pain and soreness and helplessness made him lash out on the one person who made this whole thing so much simpler for him.

The boys all sat around the fire pit later that night, music playing softly while they all sat amongst one another and talked. The sun was nearly gone, crickets and frogs being heard around the lake as well as a few loons.

The talking simmered when the group heard the sliding door slowly opening, they all snapped their heads over to see the familiar girl's face appear.

She looked like she was fresh out of the shower, her hair damp and face free of makeup as she shut the door behind her.

She was wearing a pair of gray sweats and a UMich Hockey sweatshirt, one that looked like it might've been Luke's that she took a while ago.

Her hands were hiding in the big sleeves of the sweater as she walked down to join them, some of the boys letting frowns form on their faces as they see her face still puffy from the night before.

They all snap out of their frowns when her eyes rise up to look at them with the fakest smile Luke had ever seen on her.

"There's my favorite girl." Jack is the first to speak up warmly, wrapping her up in his arms as she went and sat down. All the other boys warmly greeted and cheered when she sat down, Y/N smiling at them as she took a deep breath.

"I made you one," Trevor says as he hands her one of his famous s'mores. She looks over at him.

"How'd you know?" she asks, and he shrugs with a wink.

"I told you, I've got that twin telepathy." Trevor jokes in a cocky tone, earning an amused look from the girl before she thanks him and blows him a kiss.

"See? Y'all see that? I got a kiss before you guys!" he sings out, making all the guys groan and swat at him as he does a funny little dance.

"I take it back." Y/N says, earning an awestruck Trevor.

"No take-backsies!" he pouts before going to sit back in his spot.

Her eyes never met Luke's, the boy silently begging for her to look at him just once. She never did.

The group all kept on their conversations, trying to distract from the obvious tension going on as they all didn't want to make Y/N anymore uncomfy than she probably felt.

Luke tried hard not to get jealous or annoyed at Jack or Trevor when they would be close to Y/N, as he knew they were only doing it to make her smile and feel better. He just couldn't help but feel that way as he wished it was him making her that way.

But he was the reason she wasn't smiling. Why her face was puffy. So he deserved that at payback. He deserved way worse to be honest.

As the night began to near its end, each boys lowly trailed their ways inside, Y/N and Luke being the last two to be sitting near the fire. Y/N wanted to enjoy the night, as bonfires were something that made her feel anchored and helped her decompress.

Luke kept his distance, only staying on the left side of her across the fire. His eyes hadn't really left her figure the entire night.

At that moment he decided he couldn't wait any longer. The suspense was killing him slowly. So he cleared his throat, watching as she didn't move a muscle.

"Um," he squeaks out. "You-you can take my bed tonight. If you want. I-I know you usually can't sleep without a fan, a-and that you prefer my bed because it helps elevate your back." he stutters out quietly.

Y/N keeps her gaze on the fire, and just nods. Luke feels his chest tighten.

He clears his throat once again.

"I-I um," he starts once more. "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry-"

Y/N stands up before he can finish, soon walking away from the fire.

He watches her walk away in silence, watching as she disappears back inside the house. Luke lets out a shaky sigh, before standing up himself and using the pot of water next to the pit to put out the fire before soon making his way back up to the house himself.

When he reaches his room, he prays that she took his offer, the boy wanting to use the excuse of grabbing pajamas in case she was in there.

His bed was empty.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next day came by quicker than expected, and Luke was feeling at a loss.

Y/N had been ignoring him all day.

He had gotten up before the sun, went and picked up her favorite flowers, coffee and protein iced tea she loves, as well as her favorite bagel spot. He had even drove across town to get her the coffee grounds from a cafe that donates used coffee grounds to use for gardening, as he knows she loves using them when she does her planting at the lakehouse for Ellen and herself.

When she had come down that morning to get herself some breakfast, her face had contorted into all kinds of reactions.

Shock, awe, happiness, confusion, sadness and then nothing. It turned into nothing when she saw Luke creep in and giving her a look of hope.

She didn't acknowledge him once, but he knew he had gotten to her as she did indulge in the breakfast, coffee and iced tea he got her.

That was when Luke knew he had a chance to get her back.

Until the rest of the day had gone on.

She so much as did not look his way, acknowledge anything that had to do with him. She acted as if he didn't exist. Luke didn't know what to do. He couldn't talk to her as she wouldn't even try and be near him.

She either stuck to Jack or Cole's side for the day.

The evening was far from over too, and Luke was just ready to go to bed in that moment.

Especially now.

They were currently out at one of the dive bar clubs in the area, the music was loud and the place was packed.

Which also meant that Y/N was drunker than a sailor on a pirate ship.

She had been dancing and singing loudly to any and all of the songs, having any of the boys come dance with her as time went on. Luke stayed in his spot at the bar by Quinn, who looked very amused by her actions as she was spun around by Trevor.

"Have you gotten to talk to her yet?" Quinn says over the loud music.

Luke shook his head with a pout. "She's acting as if I don't exist."

Quinn uses his lips. "Do you blame her? You broke her heart. Especially after you said you'd never do that."

Luke huffs. "Yeah I know."

"Keep trying. That's all I'll say. You still have a shot. I know deep down she wants you to keep fighting."

"I'm trying. But she makes it so hard."

"She's worth it though?" Quinn trails off, and Luke thinks for a second. He then nods.

"Yeah. Yeah she is."

Trevor then runs up to them, drunkenly stumbling around as he reaches them. "Y/N disappeared outside. I think she's throwing up. I would go get her, but I'm not too far behind her." he says before disappearing back into the crowd.

Luke looks over at Quinn before he makes his way outside, eyes scanning for the familiar figure and spots her over at the corner by the bushes and hunched over.

He scurries over to her, using his good arm to caress her back as she throws up. He then takes her hair as best as he can with the one hand, and holds it back.

When she finishes dry heaving she turns and does a double take when she sees it's Luke.

She stumbles a little as she tries to push him away. "No, I don't want you." she slurs, dry heaving once more.

"Y/N stop focus on getting this out of your system right now. Quinn is coming with water." he says, and she shakes her head trying to get away from his grasp.

She forget that he still has a hold on her hair, and he gently pulls on it to keep her in her place. "You can hate me the most tomorrow, but I'm not letting you pass out after dry heaving for ten minutes. So it's me or the concrete."

"I choose the concrete."

"Y/N"

She drunkenly giggles at her comment, only to be stopped as she starts throwing up again. Luke keeps her hair back, his eyes looking back to see Quinn coming up with the bottled water.

He hands it to his younger brother. "I'm going to grab the boys and the car. I'll be back." he says before jogging back inside.

Once Y/N finishes her second round, she tries to stand straight but wobbles in the process. Luke is quick to catch her, only almost failing as his sling holds his bad arm back from fully being able to stabilize her.

He makes a dumb decision, but in that moment he was more focused on her.

He takes off his sling and lets it fall to the ground, Y/N watching the action and pout when she sees his sling fall to the ground. She points at it. "Your sling. You shouldn't be taking that off." she slurs out with a hiccup.

He shakes his head. "Not my concern right now, I'm more focused on keeping you upright. I don't need you passing out on me again." he tries to lighten the mood, only getting a scowl from her.

"Okay tough crowd." he mumbles, looking behind them to see any sign of Quinn.

"I'm serious-" she hiccups "put it back on. You can't have that off." she hiccups again as she bends down to try and get it.

"Y/N dammit leave it. I'll deal with my dumb decisions tomorrow."

"Like you other decision you made two days ago?"

His heart sinks at her words, seeing her eyes become big as she looks up at him. "Y/N look," he starts. "I'd love to have this conversation, and tell you how much I regret saying those things to you, but I want you sober for that. I'm not going to take advantage when you are probably seeing two of me."

"Hey! How'd you know that? Do you have my vision or something?" she whines, and he rolls his eyes trying to not laugh at her.

Before he knows it, Quinn is pulling around the corner to meet them. Luke brings her up to his car when he parks it, Quinn rushing up to grab her and he frowns at Luke as he looks down at his empty shoulder.

"Dude what are you doing? Put that back on!"

"I will, chill alright? I was more focused on trying to make sure she didn't fall face first onto the pavement." he says as he goes to grab the sling and carefully put it back on, trying to ignore the burning pain going up and down his collarbone.

It was a quiet ride home, as most of the drunk ones were already sleeping, the others just tired from the day they've had.

Once they were pulled into the driveway, Quinn hops out and goes to grab Y/N while Jack and Cole who are both not super drunk but are definitely past being buzzed, grab Trevor.

"Put her in my bed. I'm sleeping on the couch." Luke says to Quinn when they get inside. Instead of arguing, he nods and brings her up the stairs.

Luke follows behind, needing to go and grab some pajamas and his painkillers for the night. Once Quinn has set her in bed, Luke goes to turn on the fan for her watching as she snuggles closer into his sheets.

"She loves you still, you know." Quinn says softly, making Luke turn towards his eldest brother.

Luke gives him a pursed smile and nods, getting the same action back from Quinn before he leaves.

The blond boy slowly, and painfully, changes into a pair of sweats before going over to his bed to grab his pillow only to freeze when he sees Y/N's eyes looking up at him.

"You okay?" he asks.

"You hate when I ask you that, so don't ask me that." she snaps, her words still slurring.

He nods slowly. "I deserve that."

"You deserve a lot worse."

"Yes I do."

She stares at him, her eyes squinting at him as she watches him slowly try to take off his sling for bed. She doesn't miss the way his face winces at the pain he is definitely feeling after what he did.

"Where are you going?" she asks as she watches him head for his door. He points at it. "Downstairs. I'm going to go and sleep downstairs. Give you your space."

"Stay." she says, making him frown.

"Please." she slurs out softly, watching him fight with his mind. She watches as he slowly walks back over and cautiously gets into his side of the bed just incase she changes her mind.

"Just keep your distance." she says quickly and he nods.

"I know."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning Luke was hurting like a bitch.

He tried his best to not wince and hiss when he woke up, not wanting to awaken the girl next to him.

When he finally got out of bed and down he stairs, he saw Quinn and Jack both in the kitchen talking. Jack was sitting on one of the barstools while Quinn was putting together breakfast.

They both looked over when they heard him coming in, seeing him hold his sling out signaling he needed help putting it on.

"That was a dumb move you made." Quinn says, and Luke rolls his eyes.

"Yeah well I was more concerned for her than I was about my arm. I'll live." he shoots back, thanking Jack as he finishes adjusting it for Luke.

"What happened?" Jack asks.

"Y/N was at her throwing up point where she can't end to pass out from dry heaving too much," Luke says before pouring himself a cup of coffee. "So I took my sling off and kept her upright instead of letting her faceplate straight into the concrete."

Jack hums. "You're a dumbass," he starts. Luke chuckles dryly as he goes to sit down next to Jack. "But proud of you." he says before taking a bite of his waffles and standing up, patting the boy on his back.

"I'm off. I'm meeting Sammy for a farmer's market run this morning. So I'll be back around one." he says, putting his place in the sink and then heading towards the front door.

Quinn nods. "I'll be leaving shortly too. Trev and Cole are still sleeping. I think Duker and I are gonna go take up some ice time for a bit." he says, and Luke nods.

Y/N soon comes strolling in, still in her dress from the night before and her hair in a bun as she is squinting her eyes.

She goes to grab a cup of coffee, Quinn handing her a plate of food as she stand over by him at the island. "How you feeling champ?" he giggles, and she huffs.

"Not great. But not dying. I more so just have a headache right now. I think I got most of it out of my system last night." she explains with a dry laugh, taking a sip of her coffee.

Quinn laughs, before finishing up his breakfast. He goes over and kisses her head. "Don't kill him today, yeah?" is all he says, making her give him a look before he disappears.

Y/N just stands there, tracing the ring around her cup with her finger as they sat in silence.

Luke was the first to speak.

"There's um," he clears his throat. "There's some liquid IV in the cabinet. It's the berry one." he says, pointing to the cupboard.

She stands there quietly, taking a sip of her coffee and nodding.

Luke sighs. "Can I say more? Or are you going to leave before I can finish?" he asks genuinely.

"I'm debating." she answers back, not meeting his eyes as he keeps his own her figure.

"Well I'l just talk, and if you've had enough then you can walk away. Yeah?"

She says nothing, which then has him proceed.

"I fucked up," he sighs. "I really fucked up. I know that. I honestly wouldn't blame you if you never wanted to talk to me again."

"Again. Debating."

"And that's okay," he says, not wanting to say how much it would hurt him if she chose that. "I really should not make any excuses for what I said. I've just been in so much pain, and at such a breaking point with all of this. I took it out on you when I should not be doing that."

She takes a sip of her coffee, soon taking a bit of her food. He takes that as a sign that she isn't ready to leave just yet.

"I didn't realize how much you were doing until you weren't there. You know what I also realized?"

For the first time, she looks at him.

"I realized all you were trying to do was make this whole healing process easier on me. Not pester me. Or overwhelm me. Or annoy me. It was simply to make sure I was on the right path towards a faster paced healing process to get back on my feet."

"That's all I was trying to do, and have been trying to do Luke. Because I know how you get. You proved my point when you blew up at me like that." she answers in a monotoned voice. Luke nods.

"I know that now. And I'm so grateful for that and for you. Especially after having that realization," he says. "I hated hearing how you haven't slept, and how you have put me first. If anything don't do that again. For my sake. As much as I love you for that, I need you do make sure Y/N is healthy first."

Y/N ears perk up, and she looks at him with a frown. "What did you just say?" she says softly.

Luke furrows his brows. "I need you to put yourself first. Your health."

"You said you love me."

Luke's eyes widen, and his heart freezes. He did not even realize he let that come out.

He clears his throat and he feels his ears heat up, seeing her face change slightly. "I um," he squeaks. "Yeah. Yeah I do love you. I think I always have, but after realizing all of this I think it made me realize I loved you more." he admits, his voice shaky as he looks at her.

"Luke."

"I'm serious, Y/N." he says. "I know you hate love bombing, but honestly that slipped out. And I am just going to own it because it's nothing but the damn truth."

Y/N just stands there in disbelief. Luke continues. "I want you to know that I truly and deeply am sorry for saying all of those things. You're not clingy. You're not annoying or a burden or any sort of negative impact on my life." he says, slowly getting closer to her. "If anything I do need you. And I want you as mine and mine only. I don't want any of those stupid guys from last summer to be the type of dates you have this year. I want us to figure our shit out, and I want to give you the proper dates you deserve."

Y/N looks up at Luke. "You've got a lot of making up to do, Hughes. A lot."

Luke takes a deep breath. "I know. I know I do."

"You broke my heart."

"I know."

"You called me things."

"I did, and I'm sorry for that."

"Yet I love you too."

His eyes could've popped out of his head. "W-What?" he cracks out, and she give him a small smile.

Before he knew what was happening, she flicks his forehead hard and then smacks his cheek. "Ouch, hey!" he says in awe, and she points at him.

"You deserve that," she says. "But I got those out of the way so I could finish with this."

She lightly grabs his jaw and places a chaste kiss on his lips. He groans when she pulls away far too short for his liking.

"No. No more. Because you have a lot of shit to fix first."

"Roger that."

"I love you."

"I love you too, and I will spend the rest of my life proving it."

[navybrat817]

Since we see this mentioned in Game Nights, what does it take for Bucky to stab John and how does the team react?

That is an excellent question, Cole! I'm so glad you asked.

Don't Look or Touch

Pairing: Thunderbolts!Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

Summary: Bucky isn't having a good day and John suffers the consequences.

Word Count: Over 2.4k

Warnings: Stabbing (yes, Bucky stabs John), arguing, humor, kissing, implied smut, Thunderbolts spoilers, we love Bob, possessive behavior, Bucky Barnes (he's a warning, okay?).

A/N: We have Not Exactly a Secret, Game Nights, and now this for our Tower Shenanigans. ❤️ Beta read by the lovely @mumbles411 (and thanks for the inspo!), but any and all mistakes are my own. Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!

Bucky wasn't in a good mood today.  He claimed he didn’t need as much sleep as the average person, but he still needed to get some shut eye and he hadn’t slept well the night before. Too many things were running through his head. You wished he woke you up to talk or help take his mind off things, but you knew he hadn’t wanted to disturb your rest. Had the roles been reversed he would’ve wanted you to wake him up first thing. 

“I’m your girlfriend, Bucky. If something is bothering you, it bothers me,” you reminded him. “So, please, wake me up next time, okay?”

It didn’t matter how big or small of an issue it was, you’d help him through anything and everything.

“You need more sleep than I do,” he tried to argue, a ghost of a smile on his face when you narrowed your eyes. 

“I can always catch a nap later,” you said.

“If you say so,” he said, sounding in better spirits than he had moments ago.

But that didn’t last when he started fighting with Sam via text. He didn’t like fighting with his friends and it wore on him as the day went on. You saw it in how he carried himself. If that weren’t enough, Alexei accidentally shot a paint gun in the common room and hit Bucky’s thigh. The flare in his nostrils told you he was two seconds away from losing his shit when John laughed.

You half expected Bucky to punch John, but he silently got to his feet and went to change. “So sorry!” Alexei called after him, also leaving the room.

“Did you have to laugh?” you asked John. Sure, you all gave him a hard time, but he dished it out as well and it was clear that Bucky wasn’t in the best mood.

John shrugged, not at all phased. “He’ll live.”

“You won’t if you keep pissing him off,” you teased, going to get Bucky’s jacket while you waited for him to come back. 

Bucky returned a minute later, somehow looking more pissed off. Maybe it was because John scooted closer to you once you sat back down. As much as you adored Bucky’s signature grumpy stare, this was different. That look was on his face because of his bad mood. Your heart went out to him, and what kind of girlfriend would you be if you didn’t try to cheer him up? 

“Hey,” you smiled, holding out a hand so Bucky could help you to your feet. You gave him a quick kiss once you were close enough and handed him his jacket. “Let’s go for a ride.”

“A ride?” he asked, closing his eyes when you brushed his hair back.

“Yeah, a ride,” you smiled. As much as you both loved being in the tower, he needed to get out and you were more than happy to join him. “And maybe we can stop off at that bakery you love?”

Bucky’s eyes lit up. Between a ride with you and stopping off to get a treat, he’d be in a much better mood. “Let’s go.”

“Hang tight for just a minute. Just need to grab something,” you said, sneaking in another kiss before you headed toward your room. You wondered how much Bucky would argue if you tried to pay for the treats. He was always such a gentleman when it came to-

“FUCK!”

You stopped at the sound of John’s loud and piercing scream. It wouldn’t have been the first time he yelled, but that was typically done out of anger or frustration. This scream, however, sounded like pain.

“Oh, shit,” you mumbled, rushing back to the common room.

Your eyes went right to your boyfriend since he was always at the forefront of your mind. You took a step forward when he locked eyes with you, the coldness in the blues almost making you shiver. He happened to be right beside John who was a bit more pale than usual and gripping his arm like a lifeline. Your mouth fell open when you realized the former Captain America had a knife in his hand. And he wasn’t holding it, oh, no. Bucky’s knife was through his hand. You knew it was Bucky’s knife because you bought it for him. 

What the fuck happened, and why did that excite you?

Ava phased beside you, likely drawn by John’s scream. Yelena and Bob came in seconds later though Yelena didn’t seem too concerned. “What are you…” she trailed off with a snort. “That’s not good.”

Ava sighed. “And we just got the blood out of the sofa from the last incident.”

“No fucking shit this isn’t good! And who gives a shit about the blood on the sofa!” John snapped, screaming again when Bucky yanked the knife out. 

“You’ll live,” he muttered. 

Your eyes went wide. Super soldier hearing and all, had Bucky heard John mutter his earlier comment? “What happened?” you asked. You had only been out of the room for a few seconds. What possibly happened during that time to cause this?

John scrambled to find something to wrap his hand with. “Your fucking boyfriend stabbed me!” 

“Yeah, America’s Asshole, I stabbed you.” Sitting back on the sofa, Bucky got a cloth out of his pocket to wipe his knife. He stabbed John. He really did it. But why? “And you have the serum. You’ll be fine.”

You made the mistake of looking at Ava who had a smirk on her face. It didn’t do you any good to look at Yelena either since she also looked pleased. Only Bob looked concerned. And where the hell was Alexei?

“Okay, Bucky,” you began, trying to keep the laughter out of your voice because you had to be the mature one. “I know you threatened to stab him during Uno.”

“He put down Draw Four…” He sneered at John. “FOUR times.”

“I know, I know. Dick move. And I know I threatened to stab him because he raised his voice at Bob because, well, we don't yell at Bob.” You gave Bob a smile when he dipped his head. “But-”

“He’s lucky I didn’t cut this tongue out,” your boyfriend growled.

You tried hard not to whimper, which was tough since the sound was sexy as hell. “But why-”

“You can still cut out his tongue,” Yelena encouraged, taking out one of her own knives. “Allow me.”

You put your hand out while John took a few steps back. “No, Yelena. Not today,” you said, which earned you a pout in response before you turned your attention back to Bucky. “Just tell us why you stabbed him, please.”

“He talked about putting his hands on your ass!” Bucky snapped, wincing when he realized how loudly he said it.

You could hear a pin drop from the silence that followed. Your eyes darted between Bucky and John, seeing the mixture of anger and discomfort. There was no way John was dumb enough to say something like that in front of your boyfriend. Right?

“He what?” Yelena asked for you.

“Ew,” Ava whispered. 

“But she… she’s not your girlfriend,” Bob added.

“I didn’t say I’d put my hands on your ass!” John defended himself, taking a breath when everyone stared at him. “Look, all I said was ‘I’d never leave my bed if I could get my hands on an ass like that’ and that’s it! That’s all!”

You were thankful you didn’t take a drink of something because you would’ve spit it out. As admittedly smart as John could be when it came to missions, he could also be an idiot. “Bucky, put the knife down,” you ordered when his grip tightened on the handle. You couldn’t have him stabbing him again. 

Though it was kind of hot that Bucky stabbed someone in your honor. 

“I might stab his other hand,” he said. 

“Do it,” Yelena encouraged. 

John sputtered when Ava nodded in agreement. “What the fuck?”

“Okay, one, Bucky, we both know I’d never let John touch my ass. Sorry, but. No,” you said, shrugging at the bleeding agent. Your ass was off limits to him. “Two, it doesn't sound like he said he was going to put his hands on my ass.”

“I don't care.” Bucky carefully inspected his knife. “As far as he’s concerned, you don’t have an ass.”

The girls scoffed with you and you weren't sure if you should've felt flattered or offended. “Okay, old man, so I have no ass now? Do I not have tits either?”

You held your breath when Bucky slowly got to his feet, his jaw clenched. It wasn't fair how hot and bothered that stance made you. “Did he look at your tits?” he asked in a low voice.

John quickly shook his head out of the corner of your eye. You felt for the guy, but you weren’t going to lie. “He may have glanced at them when I leaned over the other day.”

“Oh, when you were wearing that black top?” Ava asked, humming when you nodded. “Oh, yeah. He looked.”

“What the fuck, Ava?!” John shouted. “You looked, too!”

“I didn’t look,” Bob said immediately, his hands up in surrender. He was too pure for this world.

Bucky swung his head toward John. “Forget your other hand. Let’s see if that serum helps you grow your eyes back.”

Oh, shit. Maybe you shouldn't have said anything. “No! No more stabbing today!” You moved to block Bucky’s path. The mood he was in, you had no doubt he’d stab him again if he got the chance. “I appreciate you defending my honor and I always will, but we are going for a ride. Now.”

The former assassin pouting shouldn’t have been as adorable as it was. “But he-”

“You didn’t sleep well, you’re in a bad mood, and you need a breather,” you gently said, framing his face so he’d only see you. Your touch took most of the anger away. “Please, let’s go. We can go right to bed when we get back.”

Sex, cuddling, sleep, all of it, you’d give him whatever he needed later.

Bucky huffed, but put his knife away. He recognized that your tone wasn’t one to argue with. “He better not look again or try to touch you.”

“He won’t,” you said for John, looking over your shoulder to glare at him.

“Jesus, it was meant to be a compliment,” he told you, daring to glance at Bucky. “You have a good looking girlfriend, okay?!” 

“Stop talking,” you begged when Bucky tensed up. You had just calmed him down.

“If you want to compliment him or her, tell them how murderous they look,” Yelena suggested, looking to the others for support. “That’s cool, right?”

“Yeah, sure,” Ava said.

“Um, Bucky?” Bob asked. 

“Yeah?” he answered, slipping an arm around you. 

Bob swallowed a little. “If she looks nice, am I allowed to say so? Or should I just avoid looking at her?”

You giggled. Bob deserved the whole world. “You can say whatever you want,” you replied. Bucky would agree. 

“Okay,” he smiled a little. “I just. I-I don't want to get stabbed.”

“No one will stab you, Bob,” Yelena promised, ever the protector. 

John looked around the room and asked, “So, Bob can say whatever he wants, but I can’t?” 

“Yes,” everyone answered in unison. Bob wasn’t an asshole like John.

“Now apologize to each other so we can leave,” you said. The longer you stayed, the bigger the chance that Bucky would snap again.

The men stubbornly refused to look at each other, like children being scolded after a fight. John broke first when you cleared your throat. “Sorry for complimenting your girlfriend, I guess.”

“Sorry for not stabbing both of your hands,” Bucky mumbled.

“And we’re leaving now. Try to behave while we’re gone,” you announced, pulling your boyfriend away. Chances were that they’d start arguing over dinner or dish duty. “I can’t believe it.”

“What, that I stabbed him?” Bucky asked, grinding his teeth. “He gets under my skin.”

They were teammates now, but it didn’t get rid of the bad blood or the past. You sympathized with that. “I know he does, and I can’t believe that it took this long for you to stab him, but maybe try not to do that again?”

His warm laughter brought a smile to your face. “I’m surprised it took this long, too, and I’ll try not to again, but I’m not sorry that you were the tipping point.”

Your cheeks warmed. “Bucky Barnes stabbed a man because of me.” You weren’t exactly sorry that you were the tipping point either. “In his defense, my ass does look good in these pants,” you smirked.

Bucky waited a beat before he smacked your ass, making you shriek. “He still isn’t allowed to look or touch.”

Hadn’t you made it clear earlier that you’d never allow John to touch you? Even if you weren’t Bucky’s girlfriend, that would never happen. “So possessive, but I love that about you,” you teased.

His eyes softened, the look making your heart race. “I’m not too much?” 

Your gaze softened, too. “You’ll never be too much,” you assured him, almost to the elevator when Alexei waltzed by in his robe.

“What did I miss?” he asked.

“I stabbed John,” Bucky answered.

The Red Guardian looked stricken. “And I missed it?”

The last thing you heard before you and Bucky stepped into the elevator was John yelling, “What the fuck?!”

“Right to bed when we get back?” Bucky smiled, bringing your hand to his mouth to kiss it.

“Right to bed,” you smiled back.

He pulled you against him to give you a deep and thorough kiss, one that left you breathless and yearning for more. “And thank you.”

“For what?” you asked breathlessly.

“For trying to cheer me up,” he whispered, touching your cheek. “And for being mine.”

You leaned into his touch, thrilled to be his. “Thank you for being mine, too,,” you said, hoping the ride and treat would make him feel much better before you went to bed. Maybe tomorrow he could hash things out with Sam. And maybe you’d look through the footage later so you could see for yourself that Bucky stabbed John. 

And maybe, just maybe, you’d make a copy of the footage for Bucky if he ever needed a laugh after a bad day.

So, did John deserve that? What other shenanigans do we think this group gets up to? ! Love and thanks for reading! ❤️

Masterlist ⚓ Bucky Barnes Masterlist ⚓ Ko-Fi

[wordsmeetwbb]

Relax

Word count: 2.4k

Content: smut (sub P, mommy!Azzi)

Pairing: Pazzi

Notes: After saying I was gonna post this every night for approximately a week, it's finally done! Not edited, as per usual, so please let me know if you see any typos or anything. Anyway, Mommy Azzi is back, so please enjoy this before I get absolutely destroyed by finals soon!

________

Paige and Azzi are sprawled out on the couch in Azzi’s apartment, Paige draped across Azzi’s lap, the rest of the team scattered throughout the living room, paying varying amounts of attention to the NBA game playing on the TV.

Paige had been paying attention earlier, but then her eyes had drooped, her head had lolled to the side, and Azzi pulled her right down into her lap. Now Paige has a blissed out smile on her face as Azzi’s fingers scratch along her scalp gently. She hums when Azzi massages around her temples. KK side eyes them and makes a gagging noise.

“Can y’all be normal for one night? Please? The rest of us are tryna watch Lebron in peace here,” she complains.

“Shh,” Azzi hisses, fingers brushing hair off of Paige’s forehead. “Be quiet and let her relax.” Ice scoffs from where she’s leaned up against the base of the couch.

“If she wants to relax, she can go back to her own apartment. She doesn’t even live here.” Azzi glares at the younger girl.

“Okay, well I live here. I’ll kick you out,” she threatens in a hushed whisper. Ice rolls her eyes.

“Damn, maybe we should stop making fun of Paige for being a simp. You’re like a goddamn mother hen,” she retorts. Paige blinks her eyes open, squinting at Ice.

“Hey,” she rasps. Azzi’s hands flutter over her shoulders, smoothing over her hoodie. “Be nice to my girl,” Paige warns. Even in her extremely non-threatening state, curled into Azzi’s chest, the rest of the team knows that Paige is serious.

There’s a little bit of grumbling, mostly from KK, but eventually everyone focuses back on their quiet conversations or the game. Paige settles back into Azzi’s embrace, tugging the brunette’s arms around her, tucking her chin into the crease of Azzi’s elbow and humming in contentment. Azzi resumes her soothing motions through Paige’s hair.

The peace doesn’t last long though. The girls grow restless quickly, somebody yells when Lebron hits a three, and Paige mumbles in annoyance as she’s jostled awake again by the noise. Azzi whispers little “shh”s and “just relax baby”s but it doesn’t work. Paige groans and heaves herself into a sitting position. Azzi scowls at anyone making noise.

“Y’all suck,” Paige complains, lacing her fingers tightly with Azzi’s as she tugs them both up off the couch. Several of the girls turn around and look at them curiously.

“What’re you doing?” Jana asks. Paige raises an eyebrow, still looking so soft and sleepy that Azzi thinks it might be giving her cuteness aggression. She wants to bundle her up in a fuzzy blanket and hug her.

She can’t do that here, though, which seems to be exactly what Paige is trying to remedy.

“We’re leaving.”

“Uh, Azzi lives here,” Sarah points out. Paige shoots her an unimpressed look.

“Yeah, and?” Sarah shuts up.

Giggles and whispered teases float down the hallway as Paige tugs Azzi towards the door. The door clicks shut softly behind them, enveloping them in the silence of the hallway. As they pad down the bland, impressonal hallway, Paige slings and arm around Azzi’s waist, hand settling on her hip bone through her sweats. Azzi presses their hips together gently, only pulling apart when they reach the stairs.

As soon as they’re back in Paige’s apartment, the door to her bedroom shut and locked carefully, Paige collapses into Azzi, burying her face into the younger girl’s neck. Azzi loops her arms around Paige’s waist, hands slipping under the fabric of her hoodie to stroke the skin of her lower back slowly.

“You tired honey? Let’s go to bed,” Azzi coos. Paige tightens her hold on Azzi, keeping them rooting in place firmly. She presses a gentle kiss to the crook of her neck, where her face is still hidden. She mumbles something unintelligible into Azzi’s skin.

“What was that, sweetheart?” Azzi whispers. She feels Paige’s face heat against her neck.

“Want you first,” she whispers. Azzi’s mouth melts into a soft smile.

“Oh, you do, huh?” She teases. Paige blushes again.

“You don’t gotta make fun of me for it,” she complains, voice achingly soft. Azzi doesn’t even reply, just slips one of her hands behind Paige’s neck and brings her in for a gentle kiss.

It’s tender and sweet, just light presses of their lips until Paige gets impatient and swipes her tongue over Azzi’s lips, asking for her to open. She does, letting Paige lick into her mouth, tongues brushing together. Azzi lets out a quiet little sigh and pulls away. There’s only an inch or so separating them, and her breath washes over Paige’s mouth.

“What do you want, P?” She asks. Paige hold’s Azzi’s hip with one hand, pulling her towards the bed until they’re both falling onto the mattress.

Azzi lands on top, her arms bracketing Paige’s frame. Paige looks up at her with wide blue eyes, lips parted slightly. Azzi can’t help herself but to lean down and kiss her softly.

“What do you want?” She asks again. Paige’s eyes flicker over her face like somehow the curve of Azzi’s jaw or the flutter of her eyelashes will tell her what she wants.

“Can you just pick?” She asks. Azzi’s face softens.

“Of course, sweet girl. Just want me to take care of you, don’t you?” Paige nods, body relaxing a little further into the bed. Azzi’s fingers play with the hem of Paige’s shirt, tugging it up slightly, asking for permission to take it off. Paige lifts her arms obediently, helping the younger girl get the shirt off.

“Yours too,” Paige urges, already pulling Azzi’s shirt off. It only takes a moment before their pants follow, leaving both girls only in their underwear.

Somewhere in the mess of clothes, Azzi ends up settled against the headboard of the bed, Paige in her lap with her legs straddling Azzi’s. Azzi cups Paige’s cheek, brushing her thumb over the pale skin. Paige isn’t paying attention, though.

The older girl’s vision is locked in on Azzi’s tits, round and heavy and looking so enticing that Paige actually starts to salivate. She leans down, sliding down Azzi’s body so she can press her face into the warm flesh. Her mouth is open, tongue dragging messy and lazy lines as she shakes her head back and forth. Her eyes are closed, and Azzi tucks a piece of hair behind Paige’s ear to get it out of her way.

The soft touch seems to give Paige a sense of purpose. She focuses her attention on one of Azzi’s nipples, thumbing over it gently, her expression full of desire as the action makes it harden slightly. Then she leans back down and licks over her nipple slowly.

Azzi lets out a breath. She slides a hand into Paige’s hair, holding her in place gently. Paige flattens her tongue and repeats the action, making her way over Azzi’s tits, almost like she’s exploring.

When she sucks one nipple into her mouth and brings her hand up to squeeze at the other side roughly, a moan finally escapes Azzi. Paige feels the wet patch on her boxers grow bigger. She pulls off Azzi’s chest with a quiet pop, looking up at the younger girl with an expression that might have been innocent if her face wasn’t framed by Azzi’s breasts.

“Oh, my sweet girl, look at you,” Azzi coos. Paige flushes, cheeks turning a light pink that contrasts prettily with the blue of her eyes. She presses another kiss to Azzi’s nipple, dragging her tongue over skin as she pulls away again. Azzi runs her hand through Paige’s hair soothingly.

“I bet you’ve got yourself all worked up from this, don’t you?” Azzi’s voice is gentle when she asks, but it makes Paige whine. Her hips shift, looking for contact and finding none. Azzi pulls Paige’s face back to her own and kisses her.

It’s messy, tongues and spit and teeth scraping. Saliva stretches between their lips when Paige pulls away, panting. “Please mommy,” she whines. Azzi throbs between her legs. It always gets her especially hot when Paige gets needy and unfiltered like this, when that name slips from her lips.

She grips Paige’s jaw, maybe with a little too much force, but it gets the blonde’s eyes to focus on her face.

“Do you want my fingers or my tongue, baby?” Paige looks like she’s genuinely thinking about it, her brain working very hard to fight through the fog she’s feeling.

“Tongue,” she answers slowly. Azzi nods, already flipping their positions so Paige is laid on the mattress and she’s hovering above her.

Azzi spreads Paige’s legs carefully, eyes shooting right to the wet patch on her gray boxers. She licks her lips and traces over the fabric with a finger. Paige’s hips twitch and a needy little noise escapes her lips.

“What was that, pretty girl?” Azzi asks, fingers slipping beneath the waistband of Paige’s boxers. The older girl lets her head fall back onto the pillows, chest rising and falling with anticipatory breaths.

“Need it,” she mumbles.

“What do you need, baby?”

“You, mommy,” Paige pleads, voice full of desperation. Azzi places a chaste kiss to the inside of Paige’s thigh and pulls her boxers down. They join Paige’s shirt, flung across her desk chair haphazardly.

Azzi slides herself down between Paige’s legs, getting comfy as she moves Paige’s legs over her shoulders. Her eyes zero in on the slick glistening between Paige’s legs. She blows a light breath over Paige’s cunt, making the older girl twitch. Her fingers fist in the sheets, knowing better than to mess up Azzi’s hair. She had just washed it this morning, and she definitely didn’t want to deal with all the complaining if she had to detangle it again because of Paige.

Paige’s eyes flutter closed when she feels Azzi’s tongue slip through her folds. Azzi keeps it simple, going slow, just little kitten licks through her folds. Paige’s breath stutters out, hands twitching in the sheets.

“Need more, mommy, please,” she begs. Azzi licks over her clit once, making Paige’s tummy tense. She pulls away just far enough to speak.

“You taste so good. My sweet girl, dripping onto the bed for me. So good,” she praises. Paige is officially gone. A little whimper slips out of her mouth just from the words. Azzi watches as her cunt clenches around nothing. She quickly brings her thumb down to play with Paige’s clit, giving her just enough stimulation to bring the pleasure back and erase the overwhelming feeling of emptiness.

“Shh, I got you honey. Just relax and let it feel good. I’m gonna take care of you, I promise.” Paige’s body is relaxing before her mind has really even processed the words. She’s rewarded with Azzi’s mouth back on her cunt, licking through her folds again but with the added pressure of her thumb on her clit this time. It feels euphoric.

The tension in Paige’s core is building and building as Azzi continues her gentle but focused actions. The little sounds coming from the older girl are continuous now as she shifts, trying to get even more pleasure out of every movement.

“Just breathe for me, Paige,” Azzi instructs. Paige’s body obeys without thinking. She sucks in a deep, steady breath, and the pleasure washes over her deeper. She breathes out and suddenly Azzi is sucking her clit into her mouth. Paige lets out something like a sob.

“Does that feel good?” Azzi asks, knowing the answer. Paige nods desperately.

“Mommy, I can’t– please– so close,” she gasps. Azz’s free hand slides over Paige’s stomach in broad, soothing strokes.

“I know honey, you’re doing so good for me. Doin’ so good, pretty girl. Just keep breathing. I’ll make you feel good,” Azzi promises. The words push Paige even closer as she focuses on her breathing, trying her best not to buck her hips when Azzi goes back to sucking on her clit.

It takes an embarrassingly short amount of time for Paige to be writhing on the bed, Azzi’s words washing over her in waves as she begs to come.

“Gonna cum, please, can I cum, mommy, can I–” her mouth splits open on a cry as Azzi thrusts her tongue into her cunt.

“Let go, Paige. You can come. Feel good for me, sweet girl,” Azzi coos. That’s all it takes. Paige shakes to pieces on the bed while Azzi keeps fucking her on her tongue, humming as she feels the slick gush from Paige’s cunt.

“That’s it. You taste so good babygirl. Being so good,” she soothes. She pulls away from Paige’s cunt, letting the older girl twitch through the aftershocks of her orgasm. She just runs her hands over Paige’s arms and legs and stomach– any skin she can reach.

“You did so good for me, Paige,” Azzi whispers one last time, pressing a kiss into Paige’s hair. Paige breathes out shakily, still trying to make her lungs work.

“Thanks,” she whispers back. Azzi laughs quietly.

“You’re welcome, baby. You ready to go to bed now?” She asks. Paige starts to nod before she stops herself.

“Wait, lemme get you before we sleep,” she says, brows knitting together. She looks genuinely distressed at the idea of going to bed before getting Azzi off, but the younger girl just pushes her back down onto the bed carefully, tucking the blankets around her.

“I’m okay,” she says. Paige starts to argue but she shuts her up with a kiss. “Really, Paige. I promise. You’re tired. We can go to sleep,” Azzi promises. Paige still looks like she wants to fight the statements, but Azzi just cups her cheeks and looks her right in the eyes.

“You can get me off tomorrow. I swear. But right now we’re both tired, so let’s just go to bed. Please.” Her voice softens on the last word and Paige’s resistance crumbles. All it takes is their arms wrapped around each other, a couple of whispered I love you’s, and the warmth of the blankets. They’re both asleep in a matter of minutes.

[fairyable]

Is a middle ground something we can possibly ever imagine? Perhaps PERHAPS there is a deeply predatory industry ATTACHED to the ancient and cross cultural phenomenon of self grooming, and the fact that the CAPITALIST INDUSTRY is terrible maybe doesn't reflect every single facet of the artform?

I know *you* don't care that I choose whether or not to leave my blemishes uncovered based on whether they match the colour palette I'm dressing in, or how I decide on my blush shade and placement to mirror different historic makeup trends to make a nod to the era I'm imitating.

Maybe *you* can't conceive of a world in which I take my makeup off and feel excited to see my face in a new light again, but you aren't me. Maybe *you* can't imagine people regularly using their face makeup to highlight birthmarks, acne, eyebags and vitiligo, but it doesn't change the fact that they do.

If you were at all curious (what a world that would be!) I could tell you how I wear face makeup (about half the time I go out) because I'm communicating using my appearance. Makeup doesn't make us look natural, and most people who use it are well aware of this. At its most covert, it makes us look groomed. How we choose to do that grooming is just another form of nonverbal communication.

Someone telling you how you need to appear to be accepted sucks. But everyone gets to make choices about their own body, especially when it doesn't harm anyone. It doesn't matter if *you've* decided that it's a maladaptive coping mechanism. If the problem really was that face makeup is a horribly crippling dysmorphic addiction for all of those who use it, then calling it evil would be a deeply unhelpful thing to do.

So what is it, are makeup-wearers in the throes of a mindless dependency? Or are they people, capable of making their own choices?

If it's the first, then perhaps you should start yelling at the industry instead of its supposed victims. If it's the second, then you might want to consider listening to our experiences.

face makeup is evil. i don’t care. like eyeshadow can be a fun and creative thing and it’s not like anybody is going to think you genuinely have purple eyelids but face makeup that’s made to look “natural” just ends up making you think your normal skin is something to be covered up and distorts your perception of your face. the whole “it makes ppl more confident!” thing is a lie because it’s not that the makeup itself is making you feel confident it’s that it creates an association with confidence and the results of that is you end up hating your face which is the opposite of building your self-confidence.

[h3catee]

Introductions Are in Order

Paring: Robert Reynoldsx Fem!Witch Reader! Past Avenger!  

Summary: Bucky asks a favor of you and ends up getting you entangled with one of Valentinas ploys. 

Warnings: SPOILERS FOR THUNDERBOLTS*,  talks of mental health, depression, anxiety. Some violence (bc its marvel), some language. Trauma. Angst. Decent amount of Hurt/ With some comfort! 

Word count: 2.7k

AN: Hi! Welcome to my fic! this is probably multi part idk my plans yet. I'm leaning more towards multi-part bc I'm usually a chapter by chapter writer so there isn’t a lot of Bob in this one but I hope its a good intro to maybe a 2-3 parts. I literally fell in love with Bob's character during Thunderbolts and this man gave me motivation to write again. I didn't have a Beta reader for this one so pls forgive any grammer or silly mistakes. Forewarning (y/n)’s powers based off of the Marvel character Morgan le Fay just to throw that out there, she’s definitely not Wanda but definitely not Morgan. Think morally gray/ hates everyone except like 3 people/ witch trained by the past avengers. Next part will have more Bob I promise, just wanted to introduce the story here >:3

Song for the chapter: https://open.spotify.com/track/09fDemXgXzRReTfb7UWxjD?si=7e0b5d606b824813 

xoxox

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“I need your help with something.” 

You sighed heavily before responding, “Hello to you too Senator Barnes!” You heard the man grumble from the other phone line. 

“You know I hate when you call me that,” Bucky said. 

“Well…what do you want, Buck?” You said, rolling your eyes. You look around your empty apartment for something to fidget with while Bucky chews your ear off about calling him another stupid nickname. 

“Y/N, Valentina’s got this guy apparently named Bob-” 

“Bob?” You ask, cutting him off. Who names their kid Bob in this day and age? 

“Yes, Bob! I’m with Nat’s sister and she said we have to go get him because he’s part of some Sentry project,” He explained, voices yelling at him in the background of the phone call. “Can you just meet us at the tower?” 

A wave of nausea rolled over you, “The tower? Bucky, I don't go around there anymore.” 

“I know, but I wouldn’t be calling you if I had anyone else to call.” 

“How nice,” you taunt. You were never any of the Avengers first calls. To be fair you weren’t sure if it is because they were scared of you or your lack of social skills. “Also Nat’s sister?” 

“Later,” Which means he says he’ll tell you later but in reality he’s never going to bring it up again unless you find the answer yourself. 

You sigh, walking over to the bookshelf in your apartment that’s filled with books, both regular and magical, and pictures. Your hand brushes across a photo of yourself, Steven Strange, and Wanda, “I don’t fight anymore Bucky. You couldn’t just ask Sam?” 

“He’s uhmm..busy,” He answered, “I know how you’re feeling y/n.” 

“You don’t,” You interrupt. How could he possibly understand how you’re feeling when he barely reaches out to you unless he needs something. Him and the rest of the remaining team abandoned you, after Wanda, you had no one to turn to. You felt the all too familiar dull ache in your chest. You chewed on the skin around your nails waiting for Bucky to respond. 

“ I think we need you for this one.” Which means in Bucky terms that whoever they are fighting is a mutant and something he can’t fight. 

“Fuck,” You mutter to yourself. 

Ever since Wanda vanished you refused to step back out on the field.She was the only one that truly knew what you were capable of considering she was the one that found you all those years ago. Not even Thor, a god, could hold you back during training sessions and the only avenger to understand your pain was Wanda. And now she’s- 

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath to ground yourself. You haven’t been able to sense her magic anywhere. No matter what realm you went to, you couldn’t find her. 

Fuck you Bucky Barnes. 

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“She already knows we’re here,” You try to explain to the group in front of you. Bucky gave you and the rest of the team a run down of Sentry and what Mel, Valentinas assistant, told him about Bob. That doesn’t stop them from driving a truck through the lobby destroying the front of the building in the process, “Awesome,” You have no choice but to join the fight to defend the group. Defense only, you tell yourself 

While Walker has his back turned, a soldier on the ground fires a few stray bullets, you toss your hand up and redirect the shots to the wall behind him, “Watch yourself walker,” You growled. Before he could reply you went back to the fight. Using your magic to cast illusions into the minds of the soldiers fighting to give the group an advantage when attacking.

“I just had that drywall put in. You can just come up, you know that right.” Valentina’s voice rang out over the intercoms, “But I know you knew that already y/n. Come on up!” 

Yelena and Ava looked at you, knowing you had previously stated that and they had just refused to listen. You just rolled your eyes at them before motioning them to go in the elevator. 

“You are not coming,” Yelena asked as the group of 5 squeezed into the elevator. 

You shake your head before pointing up. You close your eyes and feel the familiar stomach reeling feeling of teleporting to where the penthouse once was. Where you shared few but long lasting memories. Your eyes wander across the empty walls and fairly empty room before you look at Val. 

“Ah! Y/N, so lovely to see you darling. You see I’ve always wanted to work with you,” The woman said. 

“Can’t say the same,” You said in a sarcastic tone. 

“Hmm, well maybe he’ll change your mind.” You just raise an eyebrow.

You don’t have the chase to question her because Bucky and the team come through the elevator doors ready to arrest her for crimes. You look between each person and back to Valentina, honestly not sure what is going on. 

That's when you feel it. A humming. Power. You look around only to notice no one else in the “Thunderbolts”, as Alexie is calling them, notices it. You try to pinpoint a mind to tap into to find where this power is from but you can’t, a black shadow blocking you out. Shit. 

“Meet Sentry.” 

You look up to where a man is clothed in a…ugly suit, with unnaturally yellow blonde hair. 

“Hey guys,” He greats. You study him for a second, the power dripping off of him but there's something else there, something all too familiar. You try to invade his mind but there's something keeping you out. You pull and claw at the black void keeping you out. 

“Y/n.” You vacate the attempt on his mind and meet his eyes. You cock your head to the side, he knows what you were doing, “That won’t work,” his voice coming out cautious. 

“Take care of them Robert,” Valentina orders. 

“I don’t want to hurt you guys,” Bob says, looking around at all of them in front of him, “Please just give yourselves in.” 

“Wait-” Yelena tries to interrupt. 

Alexie yells before running towards the man. Instead of following the rest of the team you stand back and observe. Everything they throw at him gets blocked or countered. Teleportation. Flight. Strength.

Bucky shoots at Bob only for the bullets to be sprayed back at him and Walker. You hold your hand up blocking the bullets and directing them towards the already broken window. Thats when Sentry notices you. 

“I knew I liked her,” Walker says to Bucky, getting ready to fight again. 

“Wanda’s not here to save you this time.” 

You barely move after hearing the voice in your head when the rest of the Thunderbolts move to attack Bob. You shake your head as if to clear your thoughts but you feel his eyes on you. Instead of the blue you saw earlier, Bob’s eyes have a golden hue. 

“She left you, just like you told her to.” 

“Stop,” You whisper to yourself, rage boiling beneath your skin. 

The fight breaks out and you watch as Bob grabs Bucky's Arm. 

“God damnit,” You whisper, before running towards the two to save Bucky. Bob tosses Bucky to the side, his arm now torn off. You shot a blast of energy towards him only for him to teleport out of the way. I don’t want to hurt you, You try to telepathically tell him. 

“You can’t hurt me,” He says aloud. 

“Says who,” You taunt. Your feet leave the floor before you can’t register your rage taking over. Blast after blast and nothing is hitting him. 

He teleports in front of you and grabs your neck. What he doesn’t expect is to look behind you and see a beach. A sunset. He furrows his brows as he looks around in confusion. 

That gives you enough time to grab his wrist and teleport out of his grasp. 

The illusion collapses around the two of you as you lose contact. With every fight you’ve been in, usually your opponent will be thrown off once coming out of the illusion but Bob…He raises a hand before you can counter and you slam into the concrete wall of Avengers Tower, the wall cracking behind you. 

 You feel an arm hook under your shoulders and begin to drag you to the elevator which you see is already occupied with the rest of the team besides you and Yelena. “Get off of me,” You grumble. You teleport out of her grasp and out of the tower completely. Your knees are wobbly beneath you and you assess your surroundings. Guard still up. 

“Are you hurt?” You turn and see Bucky running towards you, the rest of the Thunderbolts following in suit. 

“You know I’m not,” You used your magic to heal yourself immediately after the hit, “I tried to help Buck but I’m not strong enough anymore. I’m leaving.” 

“No, let us regroup and we can go back in,” Alexie tries to argue. 

“All of you just got your asses beat, you especially-” 

“Well I am just rusty but now I am ready to go,” The older super soldier bellows. 

You see Yelena put a hand over her eyes. You just laugh out of disbelief and begin to walk down the street. 

“Wait y/n,” Bucky follows after you, “Just wait-” 

You turn, he can feel the rage dripping off of you, “What!” You shout, “What do you want from me?” 

He just stares at you, “I was going to ask if you were okay.” 

You laugh, “Am I okay? God, you should've asked me that when Tony died. Or when I lost Vision and then lost Wanda. Or Nat. Or Steve.” 

“You acted like you didn’t even care about half of the team, what did you expect me to do?” He argues. 

“I didn’t want to hurt any of you!” You exclaim, letting your emotions run wild on the streets of New York, “If you think that up there I used all my power, you're wrong. I didn’t want to hurt any of you so I stayed away.” 

“But Wanda-” 

“But Wanda understood me, more than you or Tony or any of them. You don’t understand what I went through, what I’ve done. Bucky, you don’t know who I really am.” 

There was commotion behind you, taking your concentration away from the conversation. Citizens were pointing up towards the sky. You and Bucky exchange glances before running to where you could have a clear view of what they were looking at. 

A shadow of man floated above Avengers Tower. You watched as he raised a hand and all of a sudden a helicopter came crashing into a crane. Concrete and rubble began to fall from the buildings that were hit. People were screaming. 

Typical avenger in New York occurrence. 

You and Bucky split off to protect the people from being crushed. You used your magic to stop concrete from crushing a family and urged them to get into a building. 

“You’re alone,” You turned to see the man closer to you now. You recognized the voice from just minutes ago, Bob, “You’ve always been alone.” You just stare at him, “It eats you alive doesn’t it, y/n.” 

People are screaming, you turn to look behind you and see shadows of people spread across the floor in dark black smoke. You heart drops, what the fuck is this guy. 

“The pain goes away. Just come with me,” Bob captures your attention once again, “I can make it go away.” 

“How?” You whisper. He reaches a hand out to you. 

“Y/n! Stop!” Bucky shouts behind you but something in your mind is telling you to go. Telling you that everything will stop if you accept his hand. Everything will be quiet. Will the pain finally go away? 

“Y/n,” The distorted voice urges. 

That’s when you close your eyes and walk into the void. 

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You open your eyes and find yourself in an all too familiar room. One lined with archaic symbols preventing you from escaping. Your heart drops because you see yourself, younger, wounded, broken standing on the other side of the room. 

You know this day, you recognize it by the energy alone. This was the first time you killed someone. The first time you disintegrated someone's body and brain. 

“Y/N, Before you is a man who is being convicted of crimes against countless women, including your own mother,” You watched as your younger self balled her hands into fists, “Your task is to eliminate him.” 

Younger you nodded. 

“N-no,” You ran over to where you stood and wrapped your arms around your younger self, “you don’t have to do this,” 

“Get off of me,” Your body is thrown a few feet away from your younger self. That's when you feel it, the pain of a curse of 1000 sharp white-hot knives digging into you, you scream and writhe on the floor. That was your punishment when you were captured, if you ever disobeyed or failed, they cursed you over and over. 

“Stop,” You sob, the curse diminishing, “Stop,” You whisper, tears falling onto the floor beneath you. Your mind whirls and your limbs ache, like you’re gripped by a fever that burns through you like wildfire. 

“Y/n?” A male voice. 

You look towards a doorway where Bob stands, not Sentry, not Void but Bob. You squeeze your eyes shut to stop crying. 

“Oh god, I-I’m so sorry,” He runs over to you, “I-I can’t stop it,” He apologized. 

“I don’t understand,” Your voice comes out as a whisper, “What is this?” You finally sit up and watch the rest of the scene play out in front of you. 

You watch as younger you raises her hand towards the man and he begins to scream in agony. You watch as his skin flairs and melts. 

“Don’t look,” Bob urges, grabbing your arm and pulling your attention from the memory. There are tears in his blue eyes. He has brown hair now instead of the fake gold that Val gave him. He’s clothed in a sweater and tan pants. He honestly looks like he’s going to pass out. “I can’t do anything right, I’m so sorry,” He mumbles, “I-I don’t even know you and you’re stuck here with me. It’s this…void.” 

“How do we get out?” You ask, looking down to study your shaking hands. 

“I-I don’t know. There’s different rooms and each one just gets worse. I’m so sorry Y/n,” He begins to cry. Your heart shatters for a moment thinking about what he must go through if he deals with this constantly, now with the serum it must have fully taken over him. 

“Let’s just get out okay,” You place your hand on his thigh and he tenses beneath you. You squeeze his leg in reassurance before standing up, “P-please don’t tell anyone what you saw, I-I can’t. No one knows.” 

“I won’t, Why would I tell them?” He asks sincerely. All you can do is nod, “Y-you can trust me.” Once again, you just nod. 

“Do you think everyone else is in here?” You ask, trying to change the topic. 

“M-maybe,” He saying, shrinking in on himself. 

“Hey, it’s okay, I’m fine. We’ll all be fine,” You soothe, “Let’s just find them.” 

Thats how you ended up finding the team, fighting Bob in a chicken outfit, and getting out of the void. Only to have Valentina throw a new title on the group right after. 

The New Avengers. Including you. Awesome. 

And that’s how you ended up here, living in the tower after some much needed renovations. Bob didn’t remember anything after the Void incident but something told you to tell him. So you showed him through your magic. He apologized profusely to the team and kept his distance since then. Honestly, he reminds you a lot of yourself when you first joined the Avengers with Wanda. But you refuse to let him fall into that dark of a hole like you did. 

You want to save someone for yourself, for once. You want to save him. 

[ce1estiall]

fall in love again

summary you saw paige, your ex, at the bar.

warnings drinking, angst, sexual tension

celestial notes thought about that one pazzi clip and a twice song at the same time... anyways send me some ideas if you guys have any. also im really trying my best to write longer, please bare with me! im trying my best!

“we are at a dead end, oh no, here we go again

tonight the stars out, lights flash thinking i was gonna dance. but rewind, playback now you got me in a trance

tonight we fall in love again.” - fila (fall in love again) - twice

paige bueckers, a name you’ve known since forever. she was the next best thing in the name of basketball, her name always headlining articles, newspapers, magazines, or even social media.

you dated paige during your sophomore year of college. you were in love with her, or at least you thought you were.

paige did show love and affection to you. she would sleep with you, go out on dates and even cook in the beginning of your relationship. it felt like everything you ever wanted in a relationship, what you dreamed of. however, things got rocky when she got an ankle injury. she was sidelined from the rest of her season, feeling the an outsider. her emotions immediately became taken out in you. she became mad instantly. constant arguments filled the apartment, arguing over stupid shit like what you were making for dinner. she would snap at you and blame you, saying everything was your fault. you were on thin ice when her behavior kept happening, as it started to question your commitment towards her.

one evening, you returned to your apartment from studying in the library most of the night. you had a final exam later in the week that was worth 50% of your grade. you put your keys on the counter, took of your shoes, and placed your bag on the couch. “paige, i’m home.” you spoke. however, you didn’t see her in the shared bedroom you had together. you checked the bathroom and living room, but nothing. no sight or scent of paige. a random instinct told you to check the guest bedroom, which was closed. it was always open.

you opened the door. your eyes immediately saw paige sleeping with another girl. you tried to gaslight yourself thinking studying was starting to fry your brain. but nope, this was real after you rubbed your eyes. her black wavy hair on paige's shoulder, as you noticed paige’s hands under her pants. you were pissed, anger flowing throughout your veins. “get the fuck out of my apartment. both of you.” you screamed, very sternly. paige woke up, seeing you. she got scared. she got out of bed to face you. “baby its not what it looks like.”

“bull fucking shit paige. i’m fucking breaking up with you. get the fuck out of my house, now. take your little side bitch too.” you wanted to kill her right then and there. "not only are you sleeping with her, but you're fucking her? are you fucking serious?" paige immediately woke up the girl. she woke up looking confused at what the yelling was about until her eyes darted to you, then paige, signaling that they had to leave. when paige left, a weight was lifted off your chest. you were done with paige, and it felt relieving that you broke that connection. it felt one-sided, like you were the only one who was trying to keep the relationship alive before it all went downhill.

10 months later, you were at your happiest, hanging out with your friends, partying, drinking, and having the time of your life. your best friend was turning 22, and you and your best friend decided to go to a bar near storrs. partying and drinking was a rare occasion for you. you decided to go to celebrate your best friend, not wanting to bring her down or ruin her day.

you entered the bar. black leather tube top with a denim mini skirt and black boots, whole outfit complimenting your body as you held a blue gift bag. you did your makeup natural, with just a hint of glitter eyeshadow that reflected off of the colorful lights in the bar. you saw your friends already taking shots. you walked up to them and greeted them, then seeing your best friend. “happy birthday pretty girl! this is for you.” you greeted her with a hug and a smile, handing her the present. “thank you so much! so happy you could come. ready to get a little tipsy?”

you looked at her with excitement. “you’re lucky its friday and i have no exams next week. lets get this party started!”

about an hour goes by, you had a shit tone of drinks. champagne, wine, tequilla, margaritas, mojitos, you name it. shots were being passed around your friends like they were candy. you were dancing with your friends, having the time of your life. until you saw someone a little familiar in the corner of your eye. straight blonde hair, blue eyes, tall, abs showing underneath of her white compression shirt. you decided to ignore it, thinking the alcohol was effecting you. you decided to order another drink, specifically a mimosa. when you got your drink from the bar tender, you turned around and saw her. fuck, you though. it was paige. she examined you up and down. by the way her eyes looked up close and she was unable to control her balance, you knew she was drunk.

she started speaking, her words slurring. “hey pretty girl, i’ve missed you.” she tucked a strand of hair behind your ear.

the alcohol was controlling you at this point from how many drinks you’ve had. you gave her a slight smile as awkwardness and tension were mixing together. “hey paige, how’ve you been?” she started placing her hands on your core, then fingers tingling down to your hips, feeling ticklish from her fingerprints. you became drunk in her touch. “i’ve been good, can’t stop thinking about you lately.”

you started laughing out of no where. you placed her hands on her shoulders, pretending this was a slow dance. the alcohol was 100% in control by now. you both laughed after what you just did, thinking it was the dumbest shit ever. "how's basketball?"

"man.." she said, backing up. "my ankle's healed but it's never the same." you saw her holding a red solo cup, wondering what she was drinking. "can't wait for this season to be over, so i can be with you." paige decided to play with fire this evening, she started flirting with you less than 5 minutes of you both talking. "i know you can't stop thinking about me, it's written all over your face." she placed her hands on your back. you saw what she was doing, it was now time to beat her at her own game.

"for someone who's missed me so much you don't come to me anymore." you said as you took a sip from your mimosa. your voice sounded so confident, like you were sure she would say something back to you.

she smiled. "you'd distract me in the season, i would be so focused on you."

"since when is that a bad thing, bueckers?" you gave her a seductive look, eyes seeming innocent. she was on the edge, now you were waiting for her fall.

"never said it was, nerd." she smirked. she knew how good you were at school. how you were always studying, always organized and your gpa higher than she was most of the time.

her eyes started to linger down your body. your body temperature rising. her body started to get closer to you, immediately feeling her abs from her shirt. her ocean eyes immediately staring at your lips. she rested one hand on your waist and one hand on your back. paige was just a few inches taller than you, but the height difference spoke loudly in that moment. you grabbed her neck and immediately pulled her in, lips darted to her like something was hypnotizing you or something possessed you in that moment.

the kiss was deep, you tasted cherry from her mouth by the amount of dirty shirely's she had this evening. your lipgloss transferred over to her lips by how deep the kiss was. now feeling tongues as moans filled the air. your moans felt like music to her ears, it was the best thing she could even listen to. her body throbbed hearing your affection. you felt like you could go to heaven just from her kissing you while she was drunk. heads immediately turned to face both of you in the middle on an intimate moment. but you and paige didn't care who was watching. you both were receiving something you haven't gotten in a long time, touch. you hands went to the back of her dirty-blonde straight hair. her hands went up to your moisturized arms that had some shine to them, feeling your softness. it was so, seductive. she released from you. "you don't know how much i fucking missed this." she grabbed your waist and pulled you in for another kiss, this time much longer. you eventually parted her lips from yours to take a sip from your drink. paige grabbed your wrist and took you outside, immediately to her car. cold air lingered on your body as you had no jacket, but that feeling immediately went away when she opened the door and pushed you in the backseat, getting on top of you.

a small inner voice entered you head as you listened to it "oh, no. here we go again."

you ignored it. you stared at her above. "knew i had you wrapped around my finger, bueckers."

[luckycheesefoodie321]

Yall the way I kept repeating that one moment where Jinshi asks Shenlu where Maomao was

I was like… why is his voice different here? It’s so deep. Did he get new VA? I kept repeating the scene bc something about it hit so different from every other time.

Then I was like there’s something else going on. He sounds way more demanding and authoritative. Like this is not cunning Jinshi telling off that one lady in waiting. This is someone entirely different. He’s lost all sense of formality or politeness to his tone as well. He wasn’t using keigo. It was literally only a short sentence but it was so clearly not like him. Except it was him. The true him.

Dude was fully crashing out and his true voice coming through all bc Maomao had been missing for so long. Like we got SO MUCH internal monologue from him this episode. Him now saying Maomao in his head sounded so intimate.

Ka Zuigetsu was fully ready to step out of the Jinshi skin. His voice was so much deeper and more demanding than Jinshi’s. Regardless of his true character, Jinshi was born a crown prince. He was used to making demands and giving orders. Obviously he never wanted to pursue that, hence pretending to be a high ranking eunuch.

Even when he calmed down and put on the Jinshi voice, it suddenly sounded unnatural? Bc he couldn’t stay calm and he couldn’t truly sit back into his character as Jinshi.

He could not get a damn grip on himself. Usually when strange schemes are afoot, he’d be a lot more composed. But dude yelled at a traumatised old woman, who was a victim of the previous emperor. Then he grabbed the face of a maidservant just trying to do what she was ordered to do and scared her so bad, another lady in waiting had to intervene. “Where is Concubine Loulan?!” combined with his contorting facial expression was genuinely scary!

I hear the light novel is in a fun place/has been in a fun place with the JinMao relationship, but this angsty yearning “who did this to you?!” energy is so much fun to watch as an anime-only.

[skelesnakesposts]

Ok so I ended up writing 12k words, I'll put the first chapter in here and link the ao3 bellow because I'm not gonna make people read all of that.

Chapter 1:

After what felt like an eternity, the bell finally rang, signalling the end of class. Lily had just survived the most boring math lesson of her life, and she was beyond relieved to be free. She packed her books as fast as she could while the teacher reminded everyone about the test on Friday.

She filed out with the rest of her classmates and made a beeline for her locker across the hall. As she was packing up to go home, Eve approached.

“Hey, Lily. I’m really sorry—I have to cancel again. My mom wants me home. Some family stuff came up.”

“Okay… Do you know when you’ll actually be able to work on the project? It’s due next week, and Ms. Maken will kill us if we don’t get it done. It’s like fifty percent of our final grade.”

“I know, I’m really sorry. I’m not sure when I’ll have time, but I’ll let you know as soon as I can, okay?”

“Fine. I’m going to start on my section—it’ll take a while anyway. Just send me your part whenever you get the chance. I’ll handle the formatting,” Lily said, obviously annoyed.

“Thank you so much, Lily. You’re a lifesaver,” Eve replied with forced gratitude—her tone made it obvious she wasn’t planning to contribute much.

“I’d better go. See you Monday, Eve. Hopefully, everything’s okay with your family.”

“Thanks. See you Monday.”   Eve turned and walked away.

Not long after, Lily headed home. She had a mountain of work waiting for her and couldn’t afford to waste time. Wanting to beat the early evening darkness, she decided to take a shortcut.

The alley between the vape shop and one of the dozen nearly identical phone stores shaved several minutes off her walk. It let out just a block or two from her house—close enough to feel convenient, not far enough to feel dangerous.

At least, not usually.

Halfway down the alley, she spotted a couple of shadowy figures. She paused. Should she really walk toward them?

“Whatever,” she muttered. “It’s fine.”

It was not fine. Walking toward strangers in a sketchy alley was objectively a terrible decision.

As she got closer, the figures began arguing—loudly.

“What do you mean you lost it? You had one job!”

Lily stopped cold.   She knew that voice.   “Uncle David?”

He didn’t turn, too caught up in yelling at the stranger.

“You think I meant to? I worked my ass off to get that! You seriously think I’d just hand it over?”

Lily opened her mouth to call out again—but then she saw something that made her freeze.

Plants—real plants—were snaking up around the stranger’s neck.

She blinked.

She had to be imagining this. Where would plants even come from in the middle of a concrete alley?

Then the man collapsed.

David turned—and saw her.

His face changed instantly. Panic. Regret. Guilt.

Lily’s heart was hammering. That wasn’t just anyone. That was her uncle. And she had just watched him kill someone?

She took a step back.

“Wait! Lily, it’s not what it looks like!” David called.

“Oh really?” she snapped, eyes wide. “Because it looked like you just murdered someone.”

David raised his hands, staying where he was. “Okay, it was—kind of. But you can’t tell anyone. It’s not like they’ll believe you anyway. You’ll end up in a mental hospital, they’ll think you’re insane.”

Lily stared at him. “You’re my uncle, David. How am I supposed to process the fact that you just choked a guy with plants? What even is that?”

“I didn’t want you to find out this way,” he muttered.

“You think that makes it better?” she said, her voice high and shaky. “How the hell am I supposed to act normal after this? I could still call the police and say you strangled him with a rope or something. That’d be enough to get you arrested.”

David let out a slow, tired sigh.

“Okay, but… are you really going to do all that?”

The way he said it—so calm, so certain—made her stomach twist.   And, frustratingly, he wasn’t wrong. Her brain was still catching up.

The alley was silent now, thick with tension.

After a long pause, David spoke again.

“Look, I know this is a lot. But what you saw wasn’t supposed to happen like that.”

“You mean the part where vines came out of nowhere and strangled a man?” she said, arms crossed. “Yeah. Not exactly the family reunion I expected.”

David nodded wearily. “Right. So, let’s start over. I’ll explain. But I have so many questions.”

“Shoot”

She narrowed her eyes. “So that thing with the vines… that was magic, wasn’t it?”

He nodded. “Yeah. It was.”

Lily exhaled, trying to centre herself. “Okay. So magic is real. Cool. Just what I needed to round out my week.”

David gave a tired smile. “You’re handling this better than I thought.”

“Well, I haven’t passed out yet, so that’s something.”

“Yeah that’s a good sign. You said you had a lot of questions, you may as well keep going.”

“Yeah ok. How did you even know you could do magic? And what about me? Is there a chance I could do it too?”

“There’s a test for that.”

“Seriously? It’s that simple?”

“Pretty much. All we need is a piece of paper, a drop of your blood, and a basic spell.”

“That’s it?”

“You sound disappointed. We’ve got better tools these days. No full ritual required.”

She rolled her eyes. “So… when and where are we doing this? Because I want to know but I need to be home before my parents start asking questions.”

“I know a guy. He’s about ten minutes from here, and the test only takes five. I can bring you in and get the test done, but if you don’t test positive you have to forget that all of this ever happened. I’ll have you home right after. Deal?”

“Fine. Let’s go.”

and here's the link for the rest if you want to read more:

Wait, are you saying that magic is real?" "Yes." "And you can test if I have magical potential?" "Yes. It's simple: a piece of paper, a drop of your blood, and a simple spell."

[atimelessheaven]

Can you please do a fic where Paige and azzi have a teen daughter

LETTER TO MOM

a pazzi series.

hey guysss! sorry ive been lacking on writing recently:/ finals, and life in general are kicking my ass. but here is this! i’ve decided to turn this request into a little series. as of now im not sure if it will be 2 or 3 parts… maybe more? idk. we will see!

fluff ◡̈

warning: mixed pov’s, probably some grammar errors (please ignore them!), and a mediocre plot. that’s all i think! let me know if i missed any.

enjoy!

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

backstory: iris was born in 2027. the year of this story is 2041- making iris 14, paige 37, azzi 36. they have been in the league for 16, and 15 years. paige is still on the wings, azzi plays for the valkyries.

iris pov:

today has been tough.

i woke up late. i slipped in the shower. leaving my ankle all swollen, it hurts to move it. i made a bad grade on my science test, and one of my coaches yelled at me for being “lazy” i was in pain, and i just felt exhausted.

i am exhausted.

i feel like i can’t move.

it feels like i can’t even breath without someone getting mad at me.

life has just been hard.

to top it off i miss my mom.

i could never, and would never admit how much it really effects me. she’d feel bad, and i don’t want to put that burden on her.

since mom, and mama have jobs on two different sides of the country they decided it would be best if i stayed with mama during season, in san francisco.

it’s the longest five months of my life.

sure i see mom every now and then during the season, but it’s just not the same.

sometimes i just want to give her a hug.

have her hold me when i’m sad.

come home from school and tell her all about my day, every little detail.

or when i have something really exciting to tell her, i can’t see her live reaction unless it’s facetime.

that is not the same. not even close.

it’s all just caught up to me. right about now i just want my mom to hold me.

since that’s not possible right now, i’ve resorted to the next best thing-

crying myself to sleep wearing moms hoodie that smells like her, holding my build a bear that has her voice in it.

sure it might seem dramatic, she hasn’t died or anything, but if you were in my shoes, you’d understand.

azzi pov:

iris has been home from school for three hours now, and she’s been awfully quiet.

i mean the girl hasn’t even came into the kitchen to get a snack.

something is up with my kid.

that child is ravenous after school, i need to find out what’s wrong a-s-a-p as possible (hehehehe)

i walk to her room and knock, getting no response.

typically i’d just leave her alone but i just feel off, she’s acting off. so i go in.

when i walk in i immediately just freeze mid stride into her room to access the scene in front of me.

my sweet iris girl asleep wearing her moms hoodie, holding her comfort bear with my wife’s voice inside, a wet pillow and tear stained cheeks.

welp.. my mama heart just shattered.

i walked over and gave her a forehead kiss, taking a picture to send my wife. then left her room.

it’s about 9:00 for paige, but she still responds to the picture i sent her relatively fast considering i know she’s tired after a long day of training and would be going to sleep very soon.

from paige- “well i am now officially going to join her in the crying myself to sleep club. i miss my girls. so sad my sweet baby is struggling with me being away. i feel awful.”

right as i go to reply i hear iris headed into the kitchen where i am, so i quickly respond with a “we miss you too.”

“hi babe, how was school today?” i say as i catch iris having to physically hold her up while she completely melted into me.

“i don’t wanna talk about it.” iris mumbles, voice shakey.

“that’s okay, i’m here when you’re ready. you’ll never be forced to talk when you don’t wanna, but i do need you to recognize mom, and i are always here to listen when you’re ready, okay?”

“i know, i just..” iris began but decided against it, not wanting to be a burden.

“you just what?” azzi said encouraging her to finish her statement.

“i don’t want to be the bitchy teen who complains and makes life difficult when i’m so privileged. i mean i know you and mom have demanding jobs, and that it provides so many cool opportunities, but it’s also really hard sometimes. it’s hard having to travel around to a ton of places back to back, missing school, missing friends, missing the normalcy of a regular quiet life. on the flip side when im left behind with friends while yall go to games i feel lonely, not because i don’t like hanging out with my friends but because i miss my parents. you guys are my comfort people, i couldn’t do it without you. having mom be so far away for so long really takes a toll on me. and i promise you are enough and im not meaning you aren’t, but i just miss mom. i thought it would get easier as i got older having to be away from her, but if anything i think it’s gotten harder. i need my mom. i miss my mom. oh and also my day was just awful in general, and i was thinking about all of that and so i just starting spiraling.” iris says pretty quickly, tears showing in her eyes once again. azzi can tell this has been eating at her for a while.

“okay so how about we go get ready for bed, you can lay with me and we can finish this conversation alright?” azzi says pulling away from iris making her stand on her own.

“okay, but can we not tell mom?” iris asks quietly as they start walking towards azzi’s room.

azzi froze. “well uhm i might have taken a picture of you asleep earlier so she already knows sorta what’s going through your head. if you don’t want to explain it to her i’m not going to force you, but i think she’d like to know what’s going on completely if you’re willing to let her in on it. can i ask why you don’t want to tell her?”

“well i love mom, but i know how she is. you do too. she’s going to feel guilty when it’s not even her fault and i don’t wanna stress her out. iris says looking at azzi

“you make a compelling case, but i want to offer my counter argument. as much as that is true, i think she would feel worse if you didn’t tell her what was bothering you, and she found out it was for her sake. that would make her feel more terrible. also we both know she’s going to ask you about that picture i sent, you can’t lie then. she reads you too well. you aren’t slick enough for that.” azzi says laughing thinking of all the times her daughter has given herself away with her terrible lying skills. let’s just say she shouldn’t play poker, or ever commit a crime.

she laughs along with her mom, “you’re right, i should tell her. i just don’t know how i should. i don’t want her to see me cry, or worse she cries. i’d feel so bad if mom cried over this. mama what do i do?” iris says suddenly panicking at the thought of making her mom cry.

“okay calm down, you don’t have to explain it directly to her, you could write her a letter like you used to do as a kid, i think that would cheer her up. very sentimental, and nostalgic. perfect. she’ll love it, and you don’t have to show any emotions you don’t want to, just write what you want.”

“wait that’s a great idea. i can be like so vulnerable, and she’ll never have to see me cry, and i won’t have to see her initial reaction.” iris says feeling so confident in this idea.

“okay okay, now let’s for real get ready for bed, go lay in my room and watch a movie. how does that sound?” azzi says as she starts walking to her room grabbing iris’ hand to take her along with her.

*about ten minutes later they’re both snuggled up in bed watching tangled*

“oh iris look, paige is facetiming us!” azzi says excitedly as she answers the call, while pausing the movie.

“hi my babies! i miss you guys so much!” paige immediately says as the call connects. “omg iris i saw the cutest dog earlier and forgot to send you the picture i took, i just knew you’d love it.” is how paige started their nightly catch up of their day conversation.

“awww i wanna see the puppy, i wish i could’ve been there to see it in person.” iris replies, lighting up at the idea of a cute puppy. “mom can i get a puppy?”

“absolutely not. iris that would be a disaster. poor thing would either have to travel a lot, or stay behind with a pet sitter. not plausible sadly at the moment. maybe in the future! we can add it to our family bucket list!” paige says letting iris down as gently as possible, but trying to cheer her up in the moment.

“ugh. that’s so unfair, i would take it on walks and everything.” iris says grumbling. azzi just rolls her eyes staying out of the conversation.

“so what were you two up to before i called?” paige says curiously.

“TANGLED!” azzi, and iris respond at the same time.

“i should’ve known, you guys literally don’t know of any other movies.” paige says laughing a little at their excitement

“that’s so not true, we also watch zootopia.” iris responds in a matter of fact tone, like paige had just offended her with the movie comment. she’s very well versed in her disney movies.

“and hamilton.” azzi says agreeing with iris.

“okay, okay i get it. now i say you guys start it over, so we can press play at the same time and watch together!” paige suggests

*approximately 47 minutes into the movie iris was out cold.*

“paige, look.” azzi said getting her attention, turning the phone to show iris sound asleep on her shoulder.

“aww our little baby isn’t so little anymore is she?” paige says smiling at the sight of her peaceful daughter.

“i know. it’s crazy to think that just ten years ago all she cared about was if she could eat candy for breakfast, and wear her princess dresses in public, now she’s worried about our feelings, and feels like she’s carrying the world on her shoulders. i just wish i could save her from everything, especially her own mind sometimes.” azzi whispered to paige, while lovingly looking down at iris, gently rubbing her back.

“i love her just how she is, but i know she’s way too caring for this world. she has so much empathy. i don’t ever want it to hurt her. i just want to protect her from everything. she’s my baby.” paige says agreeing with azzi. “what happened earlier today? why was our baby so sad?” paige asks

“it has to do with her caring too much about our feelings over her own. she didn’t want me to tell you, but i can say you’ll find out very soon.” azzi says.

very soon.

[salty-autistic-writer]

Buck has something to say. (Or: an alternative take on that kitchen scene)

“I think you should leave.”

The words cut into the cold, tense air in the kitchen like a knife.

They take Buck's breath away for a stunned, heart-stuttering moment. Did that just come out of his mouth?

Eddie finally looks at him, finally sees him. “What?” He asks, baffled.

“I want you to leave,” Buck repeats. And yes. He does. He’s tired of this. Tired in general. Enough.

Eddie blinks, his lips slightly parted. He exhales a disbelieving scoff, throwing his hands in the air. “Really? We are doing this now? Now, when we are both grieving? Seriously, Buck …”

“How dare you?” Buck hisses, curling a hand into a fist. “How dare you suggest I didn’t do what I could. That I didn’t do enough to, to save Bobby?”

“Buck,” Eddie starts.

No.

Buck raises his hand. “Now you listen. You listen to me. I watched him die, Eddie. I watched Bobby die. I saw death on his face, in his eyes. I was there. And I was alone. Bobby knew he was going to die, and he sent me away. He … He said I’m going to be fine. But I’m not. I’m not fine. And that’s okay. Because I just lost one of the most important people in my life. Bobby was the father I never had.”

Eddie sneers. “Bobby was your Captain. Our Captain. We all lost him! You don’t get to claim him! We all have to live without him, move on with our lives. But you don’t see any of us behaving like a child throwing a tantrum!”

Buck crosses his arms over his chest, his blood rushing in his ears. “I’m not a child, Eddie. I’m an adult, and I have enough of you telling me how I’m supposed to feel. These last few days, I’ve been thinking about the 118 all the time. About how to fix everything. Because everything feels so cold without Bobby. Everything feels broken.” 

He stops, swallowing heavily. There are so many emotions bubbling up inside of him. And now he can’t stop. He has to let it out.

“You are my best friend, Eddie. I thought friends are supposed to be there for each other. I thought a friend would be able to offer some kind of comfort. But I guess you’ve been too busy with your own grief. Look. I’m sorry you had to wake up at night and hear about this over the phone. But that’s not my fault. And it’s not my fault that you had to tell Chris either. It’s also not my fault that Bobby died. I didn’t want any of this to happen. And every day, I wish I could go back in time to change things.

I’m not okay. And you should know. But here you are, telling me I might not have done enough. You of all people should know. You should know what Bobby meant to me. But it starts to feel like you don’t know me at all. I’m not that great at communicating my feelings or, or my needs. But I’m working on it. And what I can tell you right now is that I’m tired of this, Eddie. I’m tired of being blamed and being told I’m making everything about me, when actually, my stomach, chest, and head hurt every day when I think about everyone else and how sad they are. That includes you, by the way. But I guess, in some way, I lost you too. Now, leave. I want you to leave.”

Buck stops, breathing heavily. It’s been a long time since he talked so much. Maybe he never did. But he needed this. Needed to get this weight off his heart.

The rage inside him is loud. But the sad and aching part of him hopes that Eddie will say No, I won’t leave. Hopes that he will stay. That he will say, it’s okay, we can solve this problem. We can talk. We can comfort each other. We can work on fixing this.

He looks at Eddie, and inside, he’s yelling. Say something.

But Eddie only stares at him, his brows furrowed and his jaw tense. Finally, he nods curtly and says, “Alright. Alright, Buck.”

He storms out of the kitchen. Buck can hear him pack his bag. His stomach sinks. So. That’s it then. There’s nothing left to fight for, it seems.

His heart pounding, Buck waits in the silence until he hears Eddie walk out and slam the door.

He winces, wrapping his arms around himself, breathing heavily. He feels so cold. And alone. Tears are burning in his eyes.

God. Everything is so broken.

Buck wipes at his eyes with the back of his head, sniffs, and reaches for his phone with a shaky hand. He hesitates. Maybe this is a bad idea. Maybe it’s selfish. But … he needs. He needs a little bit of warmth.

Hey. Can you come over? Only if you have time. I really need to talk to someone.

He sends the text after staring at it for a few long minutes and tries to ignore the voice in his head calling him pathetic.

* Buck opens the door and Tommy smiles at him, “Hey - What’s going on?”

Too much.

Almost instantly, the smile fades and Tommy’s brows furrow as his eyes flicker over Buck’s face, down to where he’s nervously fidgeting with his fingers.

“Evan. Are you okay?”

No.

Buck just shakes his head. He talked so much. Now, he doesn’t have any more words left. He’s empty. 

Ashamed, he lowers his head. Avoids prying eyes. He shouldn’t be like this. He’s an adult. Maybe Eddie is right. Maybe he is nothing but a child throwing a tantrum, making everything about himself …

“Come here,” Tommy says softly.

Buck looks up, seeing Tommy opening his arms. He exhales shakily and falls forward into the embrace. Sinks into it. Into the warmth. He closes his eyes and allows himself to feel safe for a moment.

Everything is broken, but this feels like a shell he can hide in. At least for the moment.

(AO3 Link)

[starboye]

i like the idea of you getting mad at simon because you saw him slightly drunkenly flirting with some recruit (aka you were jealous) and taking him back to his room just to punish him for even entertaining them

simon was sure you were just being irrational and when you both got to his room you were gonna let him fuck you silly but thats not the case, tying his hands to the metal bar behind the bed and jerking him off till he begged

his eyes were so dilated they looked like saucers and he couldn't control his noises to save his life so you just had to keep his mouth shut by shoving your underwear in it

and that only nade it worse, i mean your naked body right in front of him while he inhaled the intoxicating scent of your ass, and he couldn't do anything about but let you abuse his poor achy cock

you were enjoying the sight though, the look of desperation in his face and his whimpers and whines were just like the sounds of an angel, he was begging you to stop but it was muffled by your underwear in his mouth

his whole body shaking as you pulled another orgasm out of him, his wrists were bruised from trying to pull his hands out of the restraints, his eyes glossy with tears, and his whole body coated in sweat, it was a sight to behold

something about finally being in control of a big man like simon just felt so good, especially a whiny moaning simon "you want me to stop" you ask teasing just the aching red tip of his cock and he nods his head

"well what do we say" you ask taking the underwear from his mouth "m'sorry im so sorry i was stupid please just let me go" he was begging for you to stop the cruel form of punishment but it was just to fun

but not fun enough to get yelled at price tomorrow for all the noise simon was making so you did what any reasonable person would do, you got your fun out of the last orgasm

rubbing your finger up and down the bottom of his dick till it was twitching, he had nothing left to give at this point, but you knew he could give you one more

"wanna cum for me" you bite your lip in excitement watching simon try to form words from gis scattered brain "yes... yes sir" he was breathless at this pont he just wanted to rest

wrapping your hand around his shaft and jerking him till he ruined the sheets of the bed even more, his muscles tensing up for a while before finally coming down from his high "now who's the only one for you" you crawl your way up to look at him face to face

"you are only you" simon huffs feeling so out of it "that's right" you say laying on his sweaty chest

[verdancy-hime]

I don't think we need to eliminate them I think just not doing what they want is okay. Mostly that's about women not getting hurt. An individual woman might feel rage. You can if you want. Specifically against really shitty men who have done things to you or your friends or your relatives or like

Specifically it's the dog pile guys for me.

The ones who jump on and in to invalidate whatever you went through and blame you for whatever happened

There was this woman on tiktok who got hit in the head with a brick.

She refused to give some guy her number so he hit her in the head with a brick. She had to go to the er.

She was yelling with a hole in her head at the men outside the club who just stood there watching her get hit and did nothing and it went viral.

This guy who never fucking met her went on tiktok claiming that because she did some skit on tiktok that she was a troublemaker who everyone knew and who had it coming.

He claimed to be from her neighborhood and know her and said he was there.

Another person proved that was 100% untrue.

That guy.

Whatever makes men do that because they know it will benefit them?

I hate that a lot.

If I were designing a punishment I would make those men literally invisible to women.

Like

You cannot in real life or online interact with women.

But really? It's not a punishment cuz those guys hate women so much they drive women away from them on purpose.

It does serve the purpose of keeping women from getting hurt by their shit though.

Like I decided to be 4b other than my job. I can't quit my job for reasons.

One of them is unfortunately women have always hated me even before the men turned on me.

I have a terrible personality and only people who want to pay me for sex can stand me but I need to eat and be away from people so they don't get hurt so we do what we have to do.

But like

4b is about accepting that romantic love isn't real, men will literally take over the government and take away your legal rights even when the science exists for them to completely replace you in their own lives because they hate you so much that the idea that you could be happy even with them makes them so angry that any time you are happy they have to fuck things up so that you are angry and yell at them.

It's about accepting that the pay gap is real and it's designed specifically to try to force women to choose between a "bear" market and poverty and a man who hates them.

It's about accepting that feminism never really happened it's just some kind of weird play they do to gaslight younger women into thinking they chose their cage of their own free will.

It's about accepting that most men see women as sources of labor and not as people or even sexual objects and they mostly have sex with women to punish them or keep them in line.

It's about accepting that you were lied to about the world and nothing will ever happen to you when you believe love is real but agony.

Sex is real.

Sex work is real.

Labor trafficking is real.

Men who want women only to have a baby are real.

The rest is just fake.

Why would you not be 4b if it turns out the bs are in a giant conspiracy to hurt you on purpose so they can publicize the instructions and they don't have to pay money to try to punish you for being happy around them?

The only rational response to the world I personally live in, at least is to become a pornosexual and never date kiss or have sex again.

If I wasn't being stalked by weird assholes I would have stayed a sex worker because the only sane response to living in a world where romantic love is labor trafficking and they won't let you get and keep a stable job unless your income is going to a man's benefit is to be a sex worker so at least you can charge and no man wants you.

You get all the good stuff that way and none of the bad stuff.

But they came along and shat on that, too. And tortured me for four years. Which is proof that no matter what you do, someone will force you to be miserable doing it.

But that's not really because of men. I know because a lot of the people torturing me over the years have been women. They did it for patriarchal reasons but they were women.

If you have to have a tribe of people who will torture you for sport for not begging them for approval but also won't give you approval and will still torture you it doesn't matter if it's men or women or one person or a group or a hivemind.

No matter what you do you will be miserable so it's best to just focus on making sure that you get killed by those people as soon as possible since they all hate you so much.

rich men succeeded at making the average man turn against the average women (which isn't that difficult because men are fucking stupid) so now regular working class men have been attacking women, bitching about feminism, and they want to end our rigjt to vote and work so we can be dependent on them and have all their chimp babies. it isn't just the wealthy men who are ruining society, regular men are too. they are all class traitors and must be eliminated

[alicentsgf]

looking at the ways in which the characters in Yellowjackets try to embody the people they've lost. aka wearing their clothes. mimicking their personalities or roles. i think its worth saying lottie was the first to do this, and not just in wearing laura lees dress. when laura lee dies, lottie takes on the same form of faith-based suicidal ideation laura lee displayed.

reminds me of a story my nana used to tell me about when she was a little girl growing up in a very catholic corner of tyneside during wwii. her neighbour, who had lost both her sons in the fighting, wouldnt evacuate her home during the bombing raids. claiming it was 'gods will' if she died. eventually one night her house was leveled by bombs. and she did die. unfortunately so did her own daughter and a number of the neighbours, including my great grandfather - they died trying to convince her to join them in the bomb shelter. faith-based suicidal ideation often works this way. you cant ask or plan for death, suicide is sinful, so you have to lean into dangerous circumstances that allow you to pretend you were never truly seeking death at all. you were just seeking an answer. but, to quote john fowles (who we know at least somewhat inspired yellowjackets with his books), "an answer is always a form of death". as we know, people with faith often end up putting others in harms way in search of their "answers". as lottie does.

lottie saw that desire to die in laura lee. i think thats what her forseeing both of their deaths during the baptism is really about. because that was the moment their deaths became intrinsically linked. as sure as cause and effect. lotties search for death began the moment laura lee died, and she takes the same path to it - death through faith. even knowing what happened to jackie, lottie cuts herself and allows herself to pass out in the snow. if mari and akilah hadnt found her she would have died that night. she seeks out shauna at her angriest, and asks her to hurt her. and it nearly kills her. its why she then encourages the violence further. incorporates the hunt into her belief system, when originally she was horrifed by it. every time the cards are drawn, she looks disappointed not to be chosen. she seeks out callie, the girl who shot her, a girl she sees the potential for incredible violence in. she even sets out the candles ready, leads callie to the top of the basement stairs, antagonizes her. and when shes finally pushed, she smiles. its the same as what laura lee did. throwing herself headfirst into the shallow end of a pool. choosing to try and fly a plane that was so clearly deteriorated.

when lottie has her vision in the snow she tells laura lee "i dont want to leave you". its a veiled but fairly direct way of voicing that she doesnt want to live. that she values laura lee more. so its no wonder she spends the whole rest of her life chasing death. for lottie, her connection to faith is laura lee and therefore to reach for death/laura lee/faith is all one and the same. they are her own personal holy trinity. its why she sees laura lee at the moment travis dies. he was trying to do the exact same thing - to reach out and touch death, supposedly leave it all in the hands of a higher power (the wilderness' hands. lotties hands. its the same thing. they are the wilderness and it is them), all whilst denying his active choice to die. its why the moment lottie sees laura lee in that scene contains a quick flash of lotties swollen bloody face after shauna beats her almost to death. it would be the first time lottie deliberately invoked violence in her pursuit of death/laura lee/faith.

but its also perhaps why that version of laura lee is decaying and screaming at lottie as travis dies. just like she yelled at lottie to leave. to go get warm. when lottie was passed out in the snow. deep down lottie knows this is not what laura lee would have wanted for her, for any of them. what lottie puts her faith in isnt laura lee anymore, but some rotting, demonic imitation of her. its too late though, the compulsion to chase death is too deeply imbedded. to lottie, its the only way she can reach laura lee, and in doing so reach the comfort and security in faith that she offered. ultimately just searching for somewhere she feels safe after a lifetime of being misunderstood and alienated in her illness.

[houseofthedragonn]

could you write one where reader is sick and cregan takes care of her I’m sick atm and It’s painful to even breathe so it would help😭

so sorry you’re sick hope you get well soon!! 💕

sick feeling, CREGAN STARK

x sick!reader

“what a sick, sick feeling, to let you go, my dear…”

SYNOPSIS: you’re sick so cregan cancels his trip to the Wall and drops everything to take care of you, sending ravens for the best Maesters of the Citadel because he cannot bear to lose you…

WARNINGS: NO smut

MASTERLIST

“SEND A RAVEN TO THE CITADEL—MY WIFE deserves the best Maesters! I will not lose her to this illness!” Cregan yelled, while throwing a cup at the door after a servant said Maester Kennet was busy taking stock of what the Wall needed before Stark set off farther North. “And there will be no trip to the Wall—not until my love’s health is restored again!”

He was not normally so tyrannical with Winterfell’s servants.

But the poor boy who shut the door to our chambers knew it was only because Cregan worried. He did not leave my bedside since I came down with a fever. Just days before he had to travel to the Wall, which he now canceled.

“No! You must… go, my love. Maester Kennet… can care for me, while you’re gone, at the Wall… it’s not… Bennard’s fault,” I coughed, sputtering, struggling to breathe, let alone speak as I felt sorry for the servant boy.

“I know… I’m just so angry! At this sick feeling and all the pain I cannot take away for you…” Cregan caressed my face gently with a wet towel. Its icy coldness cooled down my sweaty, fiery flesh burning as hot as the hearth in the corner, crackling. “Where is the bloody Maester?!”

Stark howled and the door swung open shortly thereafter.

A confused Kennet saw you had gotten much worse after at first appearing to be better. But the truth was I had only acted as if I were getting better for Cregan. I knew how much he worried, and with his trip to Wall so soon, I did not want to be why he could not go. Only for the fever to grow stronger overnight.

Draining me of my health and strength.

“Lady Stark will be in the best care, my Lord,” Maester Kennet began before making my husband more mad. “The Wall needs supplies, you need not stay here—”

“Need not stay? Need not stay?!” Cregan was furious. “When my dear wife could be inches away from…” He trailed off before saying what he feared most, and he was the most fearless man I ever knew. “No! That will not happen! I will not let it. Call all of the Maesters of the Citadel who will come. We will find a cure.”

“Yes, Lord Stark… I shall go make another tonic, my books say this may yet be the one to heal her. My Lady, my Lord.” Kennet obeyed.

Knowing that when Cregan got in this sort of mood it was best not to test him.

Wordlessly, he just nodded sternly at the Maester before Ken left, shutting the door behind him once more. Cregan kissed my forehead, despite my fears of getting him sick as well. I made a noise as if protesting.

Mumbling how I would never forgive myself if I got him ill.

“I don’t care,” Stark snarled, sweetly kissing my cheek, before wetting the towel in the bowl of water by my bedside once more. “Rather be ill in bed with you than at the Wall, away from you, my love…”

He ran the towel it over my dry, chapped lips.

Before bringing both a glass of water first then a cup of wine to my lips. I drank with labored effort, my throat as dry as the Dornish desert. He only left my side to get up, open the door, and shout into the hallway for a servant to bring us more water and wine. Coming back to bed, he laid beside me, snuggling into my side under the wolf’s fur blanket. I noticed in my dreamy fever haze how he grabbed a plate of grapes from the small dining table we had in our chambers. Fit for a Great Lord and his Lady, it had every kind of fruit and food he knew I liked imaginable. And even though they were my favorite, my illness stole even my appetite.

Struggling to eat, let alone keep breathing.

“Cregan, I can’t, I’m too weak…” I wheezed, the thought of having to chew alone making my head ache.

“Yes, you can, my love. Please, for me. Maester Kennet said yesterday you must eat something with the tonic…” Stark was convincing, so I struggled through the bites of grapes he fed me by hand. “Good girl… I pray to the gods that tonic takes.”

“It will… you won’t lose me, Cregan. Please, don’t worry so much, my love. It pains me to see you so worried…” I caressed his handsome face with my burning fingertips.

He gave me a weak smile, “I cannot lose you, love. I refuse to. And I cannot help but worry… I love you, my Lady. You are my everything… my winter sun, my summer snow. Need you more than the air I breathe. I don’t know what I would do if I lost you, I’d go mad! Please, please don’t leave me…”

Stark was the most vulnerable I had ever seen him.

In nothing but his tunic and trousers, he was utterly powerless for once in his life. Every opponent he ever faced not nearly as formidable as him, until he met the cursed sickness claiming his wife’s health. He stayed by my bedside praying to his old Northern gods and to the new ones of the Seven, to any gods who would listen. Begging on his knees for me to be back to myself again.

To not lose me when we had married but mere months ago.

“I’m not going anywhere, Stark. I love you too much to leave you. I will fight this illness as hard as Northerns fight, my love. For you…” I sighed, pressing a soft kiss to his lips, shaky hand on his broad shoulder.

A knock at the door alerted you both to Kennet’s return.

He came bearing the tonic in a bottle I downed fast. Cregan had thanked him, with his apology for his earlier behavior evident in his apologetic tone. The Maester nodded, understanding. He told us to tell him if my health improved within the hour, or if it kept declining. I knew it was too soon to tell, but part of me felt its wonders working, slowly, but surely. Stark’s shoulders had a weight on them that seemed to lift at this.

Seeing me regain some strength, sitting up in bed beside me.

“I think my appetite is back, my Lord. And I would love some chicken stew, if the kitchen has any…” I asked after a while of us just laying there in each other’s arms.

Feeling some color rush back into my pale face. After Cregan’s palm against my forehead felt my temperature start returning to normal within the hour.

“Of course, my Lady… I will send for some now. And if they’re out of it, I shall go hunt whatever it is you’re in the mood for,” He immediately shot out of bed, going to the door again and shouting into the hallway for my meal to be brought to bed.

I heard servants shuffling about the stone floors downstairs to the kitchen at once.

Stark, satisfied that things were in his control once again, I saw start to stress less. He came back to bed with a bigger smile now, and not treating me like a glass figurine that would shatter. Squeezing me tighter now in his strong arms under the wolf’s fur blankets, sprinkling kisses all over my face. Finding my lips, he pressed soft, firm kisses to my mouth over and over again in bed for what seemed like hours. So long that the hearth started to burn out. Only breaking apart our kiss to get up and put more tinder on it.

Before returning back to bed, back to me.

[er1nne]

john carter just loves to support a cause bigger than him, especially when it involves the people he cares about ♡

(do not copy or plagiarize, original work)

The cold hangs heavy in the Chicago air—biting, damp, and merciless. The kind of cold that seeps past layers, gnaws at your knuckles through the thickest gloves, and sinks deep into your bones like a warning. Your breath escapes in slow, steady clouds, curling in front of your face before disappearing into the pale morning light. Even the steam piping from the hospital’s side vents seems reluctant to rise—heavy, lazy, resigned.

It’s barely 7 a.m., and the sky’s still bruised with early winter gray. The kind of morning that makes you question every decision that got you here.

Lydia stomps her feet against the pavement, hands shoved under her armpits. “If I lose a toe out here, I’m billing the union.”

Wendy lets out a shaky laugh. “Are we sure we still want to do this? ”

You glance over, adjusting the beanie slipping above your brow. “Yeah, but then we’d still be getting paid practically nothing an hour to wipe butts and get yelled at by surgeons who can’t read their own orders,” you mutter, hoisting your sign up higher.

Carol looks over at you with a smirk. “She’s not wrong.”

Lydia snorts. “Warm sounds nice. Broke I’m used to.”

You all laugh, but it’s short-lived—less relief, more reflex. The kind of laugh you let out when there’s nothing left to say and everything still feels like too much. Slowly, the silence creeps back in, thick as the cold, wrapping around each of you like a second coat.

The wind howls low and mean, tugging at the edges of cardboard signs held in trembling, gloved hands. The paint from the letters is starting to crack from the chill, the wood of the stakes splintering at the base where you’ve all gripped them too tightly. The protest signs aren’t pretty. They weren’t made for spectacle—they were made in haste, in frustration, scrawled in break rooms and over late-night cups of hospital coffee. And now, they’re warping in the frost. Like you.

A few cars honk as they pass by on the street, but no one stops. One of the patients from the detox ward shuffles by on the sidewalk across the street, wrapped in a paper-thin jacket, eyes darting to your signs and then back down again. Another woman pauses, offers Carol a small nod—quick, tired, almost apologetic—then keeps walking. Some glance at you with sympathy. Others with irritation. You get the feeling most are just used to walking past people holding signs by now.

The hospital behind you towers in quiet indifference. Cold steel and gray windows. No one’s watching. Or maybe they are and just don’t care. You can feel the day starting inside—shift change humming through the walls, overhead pages starting to echo through the corridors, nurses getting assigned double loads, ER doors already swinging open for chaos. But not for you. Not today.

You tug your hat again down further, huddling into your coat. “We have to be out here. We keep letting them run us into the ground, nothing changes. Either we freeze out here for a few hours, or we go back in there and die slow for less than we’re worth.”

Carol nods slowly, eyes locked forward. “Damn right.”

“I still can’t feel my toes,” Lydia mutters, but she doesn’t leave.

You smile without meaning to.

For a second, nothing happens. Just the wind. The silence. The low, aching sting of standing still. Then the front doors behind you hiss open with that familiar mechanical slide—and the sudden gust of warm air brushes the back of your neck like a memory. You all feel it. No one turns around. It’s easier to pretend you didn’t notice. Footsteps crunch over salt-stained concrete, too light to be security, too deliberate to be a patient. They draw closer. You squint toward the pavement, not turning yet, heart thrumming with a strange, reflexive tension.

Then—softly—a tap on your shoulder.

Gentle. Not urgent. Just enough to make you flinch.

“Hey—sorry,” a familiar voice says behind you, slightly breathless. “Didn’t mean to scare you.”

You turn to find John Carter standing there, a bit out of breath, slinging his bag over his shoulder. His cheeks are flushed from the cold or maybe from the effort of trying to catch up. His hair’s a little wind-blown, his coat half-zipped like he barely took the time to put it on. There’s a spark of confusion in his eyes, but not judgment.

“What are y’all doing out here?” he asks, brows lifting very innocently in true Carter fashion.

Before you can speak, Wendy pipes up behind you, deadpan: “Oh, we just thought it was too warm inside. Figured we’d come out and catch some sun.”

You snort before you can help it. Carter lets out a quick laugh, rubbing the back of his neck. “Right. Of course.”

You angle your sign a little so he can read it—“Safe Staff, Fair Pay.” Then meet his eyes. “We’re on strike,” you say. “For real. Low staffing, bad pay, no support. It’s been building for months, and they’re still acting like we’re disposable.”

He glances at your sign, then over your shoulder to the others, scanning the small gathering of nurses with the kind of look that’s less about observation and more about recognition. His gaze lingers on Carol, who gives him a knowing nod, then Lydia, Wendy, a few others. He looks back at you last. And something shifts in his face—just a fraction. The usual bright, energetic Carter dims slightly, replaced by something quieter. More serious. Thoughtful.

Inside, through the wide panes of glass, you catch a glimpse of Dr. Benton.

He’s not watching you. Not watching Carter. He’s just there—stationed like a monument near the ER entrance, clipboard in hand, coat draped neatly over his arm, eyes locked on something just out of view. His posture is as rigid as ever, back straight, stance controlled. He doesn’t need to see Carter to be present in his mind. He’s always there—like a shadow Carter was taught to live beneath.

And Carter feels it.

You see it in the way his shoulders go tight. In the way his hand flexes at his side, fingers twitching slightly like he’s working through the math in his head: everything he’s supposed to do next—check in, report, fall in line. Be the version of himself Benton carved into shape.

But he doesn’t move.

Not toward the doors.

Instead, he stands there in the middle of the sidewalk like the world just stopped turning. The chaos of the hospital behind him. The cold biting at his skin. You. Right in front of him.

He takes a deep breath. Not shallow or shaky—deliberate. Slow. Like he’s exhaling an entire version of himself. Carter exhales, sharp and foggy. Drops his duffel bag to the sidewalk without a word.

Then he reaches out.

“Can I—?” he asks quietly, nodding to the spare sign tucked under Carol’s arm.

You blink. “Wait, John—what are you—?”

She doesn’t hesitate. Hands it over without a word.

In the distance, Lydia and Wendy exchanging a glance over Carter’s shoulder. One of those barely-there looks that lasts a second too long, paired with the smallest curl of a smile. 

He grips the wooden handle tightly, adjusting it in his gloved hands. Reads the words slowly—FAIR PAY SAVES LIVES—and then lowers it slightly, gaze returning to you.

You blink, caught off guard. “Wait—what are you—?”

He doesn’t answer.

He simply sets his duffel down beside the curb with a soft thud, the sound oddly final in the still air. The kind of gesture that doesn’t shout, but speaks volumes.

Behind you, Wendy shifts and murmurs, “He’s really doing it.”

You look back at Carter. And he’s already standing beside you.

You raise an eyebrow. “You sure you want to do that? Benton’s gonna chew you up.”

“I’ll live,” he says with a crooked smile. “I’ll just pretend I got caught in traffic.”

You laugh quietly, despite yourself.

He shifts closer—barely noticeable—but the side of his coat brushes yours, and it’s enough to make your chest tighten. The cold isn’t as sharp suddenly. Or maybe it just doesn’t matter.

Beside you, Carter smiles again, soft and honest. “So… what do I yell first?”

author's note! down bad for noah wyle right now, john carter is so boyfriend ugh

[7975348473]

Hi, I love your fics. Could you write one where Lyra and Gray have a really big fight, break up, and then get back together after a while?

Breakups Don't Last.

------------------------------ Relationship/s:- Lyrason (Lyra x Grayson), The Hawthorne Brothers. Post- The Grandest Game

I recommend you read "The Rolex Chronicles" before this fanfic,in order to understand it better, but its not necessary.

-------------------------------

LYRA

Grayson and Lyra hadn't been properly communicating for quite a while. It wasn't intentional, of course.

Half of Grayson's thoughts were still preoccupied with Lyra and half of Lyra's thoughts were still plagued by her asshole.

It was just that, between Grayson's work at the firm and Lyra's studies, they couldn't talk much.

So, apart from the occasional "How are you?", "Did you eat?", "I love you" and "I miss you", they weren't interacting. Of course, Lyra had noticed. And she hated it.

But she had figured that, once both of their lives calmed down, everything would return to normal. Return to just them.

Life had other plans, though.

Grayson was tired. Lyra was beyond exhausted. Yet they still took out time and decided to meet one another, that's what love did to a person. Unfortunately, though, their lack of communication over the past few weeks finally took its effect.

They ended up arguing.

“Lyra, I honestly don't remember??” Grayson said, sounding absolutely exasperated. Which only hurt Lyra more.

“I- Gray. You planned the event??” Lyra immediately shot back.

“And I forgot. I'm sorry, its just work has been-”

“Do not give me that excuse again, Gray, because I have been perfectly busy too, but I remembered.”

Grayson ran a hand down his face, his smile was completely gone now.

“I'm not giving you an excuse Lyra, its the truth and sadly inevitable.”

Lyra let out a frustrated groan, “Inevitable, Hawthorne? Really? You're the one that suggested we go out this weekend and then forgot. This was perfectly avoidable.”

Grayson's eyes bored into her, as if he was trying to read what was going through her mind.

“You're right. This was perfectly avoidable, I shouldn't have tried in the first place.” He sounded cold.

Lyra tried to remind herself that they were both just tired, that they were both lashing out for no reason, yet she couldn't get herself to stop.

Her scoff was cruel.

“Or you could have remembered?? Set a reminder or something. This is the third event of ours that's been cancelled-”

And so they went back and forth over and over again.

“Oh, my god. I cannot even with this right now.” Lyra said after they had argued for a good twenty minutes. She raised her hands in defeat and began to pace the room to keep her cool.

“With what?” Grayson pried, he wasn't masking his anger either.

“I don't know genius. The event? This? Us?”

When Grayson was angry, he didn't yell or scream or turn red. No, when he was angry, he put on his poker face. His cool, unbothered façade. He went so unbelievably still, seemed so unbelievably calm, that people were unnerved.

And that demeanor never faltered when he was in a bad mood.

At least that's what Lyra had thought up until then.

The moment the word “Us?” left her mouth, Grayson's expression changed. For one split second, he looked shocked, taken-aback, broken.

Lyra knew immediately where she had erred. She didn't mean that. Not one bit.

“Gray-”

“Then leave.”

Silence.

Lyra felt her world tilting on its axis as she repeated those words again in her head.

Then leave.

He wants you to leave. He wants you to leave.

A small part of Lyra whispered, He doesn't mean that.

Lyra took a deep breathe.

But what if he does?

She looked up to meet Grayson's gaze but he wasn't looking at her anymore. His head was turned to the side as he glared holes into the floor.

“Leave?” She asked, her voice sounded indifferent. A broken kind of indifferent.

A heavy silence followed, which answered the question for her.

“Alright then.” Lyra turned on her heels, walking fast towards the door. She needed to get out of there.

“This is the end, Hawthorne.”

Lyra grabbed her car keys and was about to snatch her coat from the stand when she realized that it wasn't hers.

The coat she had been using was her boyfriend's. Or, her now ex-boyfriend's

Lyra's hand retreated and she barged out the door. She didn't let the tears come, she had a long drive ahead of her.

But where am I going to go?

She decided on Miles End, making up her mind to drive for nearly a day and a half.

Lyra sprinted to the parking area and spotted a man standing in front of her car.

“Excuse me, can you please move? I need to drive.” She tried to sound as polite as she possibly could at that moment.

The man turned to her, “Actually, I have been assigned to drive you wherever you'd like.”

Lyra felt her heart tug.

Maybe Grayson didn't hate her?

She pushed the thought away. He had told her to leave, he didn't want her around anymore and she would respect that.

“I decline the offer, now please leave.” Lyra said, making her way to the drivers seat.

“M-miss! I insist-”

Lyra sent the man a levelled glare, ordering him to back off, “You are dismissed, sir.”

The man gave a small bow and left. Lyra almost felt bad, she hadn't meant to scare the poor guy, but she wasn't exactly emotionally stable at the moment.

Finally, sitting there alone in the car, her feelings bombarded her. A broken sob escaped her lips.

Lyra didn't think her life could have a lower moment than when the memory of her biological father began to haunt her. She had been wrong.

This was so, so much worse.

Because Lyra had a taste of what love felt like, what being whole felt like, what being with him felt like.

And she had screwed it all up. She had ruined it.

Lyra felt like somebody had ripped her heart out of her chest, threw it to the ground, stomped on it a hundred times and put it right back in her chest.

That would be better than this, actually. She thought.

Everything hurt.

And he wasn't there.

Lyra's entire body shook as she sat their in the car, crying her heart and soul out.

She had lost him. He hated her. They were over.

-------------------------------------

GRAYSON

Grayson's brain didn't process what had went down until she slammed the door shut behind her.

She left.

Lyra was gone.

And he had told her to leave.

Grayson's eyes widened slightly.

When they had started arguing, Grayson knew it wouldn't be a short 'scream and finish' argument. They both had been tired, they both had lashed out.

But he never expected for this to happen.

Grayson took a step back as the weight of the situation finally settled in.

Lyra left. She's gone. She isn't coming back. We broke up. She hates me. It's over.

He fell back on the sofa without meaning to, his legs had given out. Grayson had faced heartbreak before, this was something else. Because what was his life without Lyra? What was he without Lyra?

How did this happen? Why did this-

He took a shaky breathe. He tried to steady himself.

He failed.

---------------------------------------

LYRA

It was hard to keep her eyes open for nearly 29 hours after having an entire sob session, but Lyra was stubborn as hell.

She had drove. An entire 29 hours. No eating or breaks. Just driving

And she was now at Miles End.

Lyra stood at the front door staring at the door knob as she contemplated whether to tell her mom. What to tell her mom. She took a deep breathe and stepped in.

“Mom! I'm home!!” Lyra screamed as if her arrival was to be expected.

Her mom ran out of the kitchen, “Lyra?! Oh my goodness-”

She hugged her, Lyra let her.

“You came alone?? Where's my soon-to-be-son-in-law?” She asked, looking back to the door to make sure nobody was left behind. That he wasn't left behind.

When Lyra didn't reply, her mom turned back to her.

Lyra had decided before hand that she wouldn't tell her mom, she didn't want to worry her. She didn't want her mom to see her despair.

Her mom turned around and gazed over her entire body, toes-up. Her eyes lingered on her face. She didn't say a word.

She simply took Lyra's hand and led her to the living room.

Lyra followed like a lifeless corpse.

She took a seat on the sofa and signaled for Lyra to follow suit. She did. And then, her mother took her head and gently pried it onto her lap, Lyra was stunned for a moment.

But that's all it took.

She wrapped her hands around hers mother's waist, face towards her mother's stomach.

The tears came of their own violation.

----------------------------------------

GRAYSON

Grayson had dealt with heartbreak before. This was not the same.

He didn't know what to do. What to think.

It had been nearly a week since the argument, since the break up. Grayson hadn't so much as left his room. He didn't shower, didn't eat, didn't sleep.

Life felt bland, pointless, like nothing.

Suddenly Grayson heard voices coming from outside the door, his usually sharp ears, though, didn't process what they were saying until they entered his penthouse.

“Nope. We've given him enough time to sob. We cannot handle this gently anymore.” Jameson

“Agreed.” Said Xander and Nash heaved a heavy sigh.

They stepped into his room and froze.

Obviously, whatever it was they were expecting, it wasn't this.

Grayson, laying down on his bed, looking surreally pale- symbolizing a corpse. Judging by how disheveled his clothes looked, he obviously hadn't changed from his previous pair, leave alone bathed.

He looked miserable. Dead, almost.

His three brothers stood there, trying to process what they were seeing. It didn't feel right. Nothing about the scene said Grayson.

Jameson snapped out of it first.

“Grayson. What are you doing?” He practically screamed, Nash shot him a glare but he ignored it.

When Grayson didn't reply, didn't move, Jameson walked forward.

“Oi! Grayson-” Nothing.

“Gray! You can't stay like that for the rest of your life. Get up.”

Followed by, once again, nothing. Not a glare, not a scoff not even an eye twitch.

Jameson's eyes widened slightly. This was bad.

Nash and Xander stepped up beside him as they all looked down to Grayson's extremely still body-practically-corpse.

They were stumped.

“Okay!! Its obvious my dearest brother here is in need of some scones. And chaos. A lot of chaos.” Xander declared.

He produced a scone out of his pocket and handed it to Grayson, when he didn't move Xander began to wave the scone in front of his eyes.

“Brother! Earth to Brethren!! Hey, its a once in a lifetime moment that I share my scones, are you seriously going to miss out on this??” Nash and Jameson snorted, Grayson remained still.

Silence.

Xander looked slightly panicked and even Jameson was shook.

Nash then picked Grayson up and they all moved to the living room. No one had to say anything, because when a Hawthorne was down and depressed, only one thing helped them lighten up.

 “Karaoke Time!!” Jameson and Xander screamed simultaneously.

And the brothers did what they did best. They chaos-ed. They chaos-ed so hard that Xander had just about lost his voice, Nash had ditched his cowboy hat and Jameson's shirt had come undone. Yet, despite it all, Grayson had still not moved.

Finally, his brothers stopped.

They all shared a look, they needed to face this head on.

Nash sat down next to Grayson, who was just staring at the floor. He wore no expression but it wasn't what you could call his poker face.

His poker face only came up when he himself was in control, this expression was something else.

It was broken.

“Gray.”

Nothing.

“Look at me lil' brother.”

Grayson didn't. He didn't so much as move a muscle.

“I feel a tackle coming in~~” Xander tried. Still nothing.

Finally, Jameson stepped up.

He simply moved and sat down on the other side of Grayson and then, without warning, he smacked their wrists together.

A loud clinking sound was produced.

Nash and Xander looked confused, they looked to Jameson and Grayson's wrist and saw two Rolexes.

Two matching Rolexes. Bestie Bands.

Finally, Grayson looked to Jameson and Jameson met his faltering gaze.

“You alright, bro?”

Grayson shook his head slowly as his brain began to catch up with reality once again.

A broken sob escaped him, and then he couldn't stop. The sound kept coming, shattered and crushed.

Jameson was immediately there, wrapping his arms around his brother, Nash put his strong arms on Grayson's shoulder as he shook.

Xander's eyes looked slightly glassy, he was the youngest after all. He wiggled himself between Jameson and Grayson's bodies and wrapped his hands around Grayson's waist.

All four brothers stayed like that for a while and Grayson's brain finally formed one coherent thought.

What'd I do to deserve these three?

A/N: Everything. Gray, my child, ur the bestest.

-----------------------------------

LYRA

It had been a week and five days.

An entire 288 hours without Grayson, and Lyra was not coping well.

She would randomly explode during the day and cry herself to sleep at night. Things were not looking good.

Lyra's mom had told her that she needed to be stronger for herself and try to get over the entire situation.

But it was easier said than done.

Because getting over Grayson Davenport Hawthorne seemed to get more and more impossible with every passing hour. How were you supposed to get over somebody that perfect, somebody you didn't even want to get over??

Lyra had been trying though, to pull herself together for the sake of her family. She was miserably failing.

No matter what she did, her brain would always find a way to wander back to him. If she was cooking she'd think, "Grayson likes less spice in his food" Or if she was watching TV she'd catch herself thinking, "Grayson's favorite show comes on today."

And then reality would catch up with her, but that wasn't the worst part.

No, the worst part was the thought that came after.

You shouldn't be thinking about him anymore. You can't.

It was that thought, that thought that made her heart squeeze, that made it hard to breathe.

Thinking about Grayson had always come naturally to Lyra, as if he was always meant to live rent free in her mind. And Lyra had loved to think about him, her boyfriend.

Hell, she still loved thinking about him, and that's what anguished her.

Lyra still thought about him, still loved him but she had lost the right to do so. She had hurt him by saying she was tired of them, she had left.

It was all her fault.

"Lyra!! Get down here, you have a guest!!"

Lyra flinched awake. She had been trying to sleep off her heart wrenching reality for a little bit, but it seems her mom had other plans.

A guest?

No one knew Lyra was back in town, so who would have come to visit her?

"Quickly!!"

Lyra dragged herself out of bed unwillingly, she barely had the energy to stand. She walked over to the mirror and stopped, looking herself up and down.

God. I look terrible.

Lyra's eyes were brimmed red because of all the late-night-crying-sessions and her hair was all over the place, not to mention her tear stained cheeks.

She let out a heavy sigh and grabbed a scrunchie, putting her hair into a quick messy bun and then washed her face.

When she was done tidying up, she realized... she still looked like shit.

Screw it.

Lyra flew down the stairs, making up her mind to wrap this up quickly.

"Mom, who is i-"

Lyra reached the end of the stairs and paused upon seeing the guest, she was absolutely floored.

A tall man in his early twenties, equipped with a cowboy hat stood at the front door.

What''s Nash doing here??

Lyra proceeded to have a mini freak-out.

Oh no. He probably heard what happened from Gray. Does he hate me too? I would hate me if I were him.

Nash's voice reeled Lyra out of her trance.

He smiled and said, “Hey lil' darlin'.”

Lyra was, once again, floored. Why was he smiling at her??

“H-hi.” She replied. What were you supposed to say to your ex-boyfriend's eldest brother?? Lyra certainly didn't know.

“Can I get you anything, Nash?” Lyra's mom chimed in.

Nash turned his gaze from Lyra to her mom, “No, thank you though. I'd just like a few moments with my lil' sis' here.”

Lyra's eyes widened slightly at the endearment. Lil' sis?

She took a deep breathe, trying to calm her emotions which were brewing up a storm, internally. But why was he being so nice to her??

“Please come in.” Lyra said finally.

Nash walked into the living room, his eyes travelled around Miles End as if assessing and judging the house.

“Um- can I ask why you're here?” Lyra asked hesitantly.

He plopped himself down on the sofa, turning his gaze to her and that's when it hit her.

He's probably here to return the stuff I left.

When Lyra had left Grayson's pent house so abruptly, she had forgotten all of her belongings.

“I already told your mom didn't I? I just wanna talk with you for a little while.” Nash drawled, Lyra felt a comfortable warmth settle over her.

Why was he being so nice?

“Oh, I also needed to give you something your forgot.” He quickly added.

I knew it. She thought.

Unexpectedly, Nash reached into his pocket and pulled out a photograph. Lyra looked at him, slightly surprised, before taking hold of the picture.

Her breath hitched.

The picture had 5 smiling girls in it, Avery, Max, Gigi, Savannah and Lyra.

It had been no secret that Lyra loved the photo, she had framed it and kept it in her room and it seemed Nash had noticed.

But it wasn't the photo she loved exactly, it was the moment that had come with the picture, the photographer.

------------

“Alright people, gather around!! Our photographer is ready to do his job!” Jameson yelled from across the park.

Grayson rolled his eyes. A habit he had picked up from his girlfriend.

The five girls, who had been screaming and messing around, ran on over to have their photo taken. Grayson was ready with his camera.

The girls posed, putting up two fingers to make the peace sign, grinning. Lyra had been smiling too, the same smile she always wore in all her photos. A practiced smile.

Grayson was adjusting his camera when he suddenly frowned. A frown so minute you could barely see it but Lyra knew it was there.

She was confused, 'why is he upset all of a sudden?'

Suddenly, Grayson looked up at her and their gazes met, the rest of the world seemed to tune out. Because, god, he was looking at her like that again. Like she was the world and the stars and everything else that came with it.

And then, Grayson Hawthorne- the beautiful asshole, smiled. He really smiled. The type of smile where his eyes softened and his eyes wrinkled slightly.

Lyra's breathe caught. How was he so unfairly beautiful??

But Grayson Hawthorne was contagious.

Lyra found herself returning the smile and then the camera sounded click, he had taken the picture.

And she had been smiling. A real smile. Meant for him.

The moment was incredibly private, but Lyra knew she'd cherish it forever.

They would be forever.

-------------

Lyra ignored the way her heart squeezed and her throat closed up. She smiled at Nash.

“Thanks, Nash.”

“So, what have you been up to?”

Lyra thought that over. Oh- the usual, crying, having mental break downs, etc.

She couldn't exactly say that, though.

“I've been trying to learn a new dance choreography I found online. Its pretty nice.” She settled for a half-truth.

Lyra had been trying to learn a new ballet choreography, true. But she had also been unsuccessful in doing so because even the slightest violin note reminded her of him and then she felt her eyes burning.

Nash's eyes bored into her, and suddenly Lyra was reminded of how crappy she looked.

“Max and Xander managed to almost burn down the entire house. Again.” Nash deadpanned.

Silence.

Why was he telling her this? Weren't they going to talk about Grayson?

“Oh.” She replied finally.

He adjusted his cowboy hat “Yeah. They were apparently trying to make scones with some sort of alchemy for science.”

Lyra snorted at that.

“Let me guess, Alisa had their head?”

Nash shot her a look, “Worse. Xander is banned from touching scones for two days and Maxine is not allowed to read any romance novels.”

Lyra couldn't help it, she giggled.

Leave it to Alisa to find the most perfect ways to punish people.

Lyra and Nash talked, discussing the stupid found-family that resided within the Hawthorne household. And for the first time in the past two-ish weeks, Lyra felt slightly happy. Slightly at ease.

“I can't believe him sometimes, honestly.” Nash said in reference to Jameson.

Lyra rolled her eyes, “That sounds like Jameson. Stupid half-british ass.”

Nash paused for a second, meeting her eyes before laughing. Lyra found herself joining in.

Finally Nash stood up, a smile still on his face, “I should get goin' now. A long trip ahead and everythin'.”

Lyra stood up too and walked with him slowly, towards the door. She wasn't sure why he came all the way to Miles End just to talk to her.

Once they reached the door, Lyra spoke.

“You can say it.”

She hadn't meant to open her mouth, but now that she had, she couldn't find it in herself to stop.

Nash turned to look at her.

“W-why,” She took a deep breathe, “why haven't said anything about Grayson? You have the right to be mad. You're his eldest brother.”

Nash didn't say a word as he continued to look at her.

Her vision began to blur, “I'm sorry. Its my fault. I got mad first and lashed out like an idiot. I-”

She tried to steady herself, ordering her tears not to fall, “Grayson, he- he deserves better than m-”

Lyra was cut off by Nash's strong arms wrapping around her upper back and pulling her close. Lyra was stumped.

And then a sob escaped her. Followed by another, and the she was breaking down again in Nash's embrace.

“Shhh, its okay lil' darlin'.”

--------------------------------

GRAYSON

“For the last time, Jamie. No.”

It had been exactly two weeks since the break up.

And saying Grayson had not been taking it well was a major understatement, weren't these things supposed to get better with the passage of time?

How come he felt like dying then??

“C'monnnnnnn. What're you gonna do lazing around here, marinating in your depression?” Jameson retorted.

Grayson sent him a glare, “Do I look like I'm in the state to attend a social party, Jamie??”

He didn't. He looked terrible actually.

He hadn't had a proper meal in ages, which made him look skinnier than usual, his hair was disheveled and he wasn't even dressing properly anymore.

The Grayson Davenport Hawthorne, who always looked too perfect to be real, looked far too human at the moment to be considered even okay-adjacent.

"Heartbreak doesn't kill a man, and it certainly doesn't kill a Hawthorne." Tobias Hawthorne's words echoed in Grayson's mind.

And then he snorted. Then what the hell is happening to me right now, old man?

“Gray. Please. Why can't you try and move around a bit? Touch some grass?”

Grayson didn't deign that with a response.

Jameson muttered something incomprehensible, “You're gonna die at this rate.”

Then Grayson met his eyes, “Good.” Before turning his attention back to his phone.

Silence.

When Jameson didn't say anything Grayson looked back up at him, planning to tell him to leave.

His tongue caught when he saw Jameson's expression, though.

Jameson was a lot of things.

Reckless, stupid, a daredevil, whipped, narcissistic, perhaps even an egoist in the making. But that was mostly just a front. He, like all of his brothers, was taught to suppress his feelings, to never let his emotions catch up with him.

So when Grayson saw the expression Jameson was making, he was taken-aback to say the least.

Jameson's eyes were glassy and he was holding his breath, like if he let go then he'd come crashing down with it. His hands were balled up into tight fists and he was glaring holes into the floor.

He looked angry, helpless.

Scared.

Grayson thought the situation over again. To him, dying sounded perfectly fine, hell he already felt dead. But Jameson wasn't okay with that.

“Three hours. Then I will leave.” Grayson deadpanned.

The way Jameson's face lit up reminded Grayson of when they were kids, when they actually confided in one another. When it was just them.

He almost smiled.

“See you then, Gray.”

-----------------------------------------

LYRA

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“I hate you.”

“I love you too.”

Lyra groaned.

She had been trying to help her mom cook when her phone suddenly went off. She ignored it initially but then it rang again.

Lyra had stormed off, ready to snap at whoever dared call her a second time when it was obvious she didn't want and wasn't going to pick up.

She was slightly shocked when she read Avery's name. Pleasantly shocked.

“Avery. I. Am. Not. Coming.” Lyra paused after every word, trying make her point.

“Whyyyyyy??!!”

“I literally live 29 hours away?! I can't just show up for an over night, quote on quote, 'social party' and leave-”

“I'll just send a private jet to get you, please come.”

Lyra forgot she had rich friends.

But travelling wasn't the only problem. What if Grayson is there?

Lyra wouldn't mind seeing him, in fact, she wanted to. Really, really badly. But Grayson hated her. What if he got angry when he saw her? What if he ignored her?

She didn't want to think about it.

“Lyra. We haven't so much as talked in two weeks, I miss you. Just for a little while. Please.”

Lyra felt warmth wrap around her heart. She had missed Avery too. The two girls had talked all the time when Lyra was still dating him.

“... Alright.”

She heard Avery gasp and then squeal from the other side of the line.

“But only for a little while, okay?”

“Of course, darling.”

--------------------------

LYRA

Lyra had considered ditching the entire plan and running away a million times but she pushed the thought away every. Single. Time.

Yet, as she stood in front of the Hawthorne Gates, gazing at the huge crowd, she cursed herself for not escaping while she had the chance.

I am done for, aren't I? Welp. No turning back.

She walked in.

Lyra was, in a way, an introvert. She hated huge crowds and loud noises, so this party was not appealing in anyway.

Just find Avery, say hi, get out.

She walked through the crowd and spotted Avery.... with Jameson.

Yay. Off to a great start.

Lyra turned around and stalled for a little while, praying that Jameson left his girlfriend's orbit for just one god damned minute.

There was no way she was facing any of Grayson's brothers today.

Thankfully and surprisingly, Jameson did walk away. That was almost sketchy, Avery and Jameson were practically inseparable at events.

Lyra decided not to look into it and walked on over.

"OH MY GOD LYRA!!!" Avery screamed and immediately hugged her. Lyra laughed, returning the embrace.

She still couldn't believe that both Nash and Avery didn't hate her.

"Its been so long, girl. Where have you been?"

Lyra gave her a soft smile. There was something to Avery, something that allowed Lyra to open up and be herself.

"At Miles End. Dying, I think." She said it as a joke, but it was true.

Avery stared her down for a before they continued talking about the most random bull crap, laughing at terrible jokes.

Lyra turned around to grab a drink from a bartender and that's when her gaze fell on him.

About 10 feet from where Lyra stood, a man with beautiful blonde hair and shining grey eyes stood. His posture was perfect, one that said that he was a man of power and not afraid to use it.

Grayson Hawthorne. Gray.

He looked skinnier, his dark circles had grown slightly, too. No one else saw it, she did, though.

Lyra's heart beat picked up, she felt like a stupid girl with a crush again. She couldn't help but stare, forgetting that Avery was talking.

He looked immaculate as always, glorious as he smiled.

And he was talking to a girl.

Lyra tried to ignore the way her heart squeezed, he's not yours anymore, Lyra. Get a grip.

"Lyraaaaa, earth to my favorite kitty!"

She snapped out of it and turned back around to see Maxine Liu standing next to Avery.

Lyra couldn't help the smile that broke out on her face, Max was a force to be reckoned with and Lyra loved her for it.

The three girls went on yapping, when suddenly a very familiar song came on. One everybody knew.

Shape of you.

Max squealed, "Lyra."

Lyra didn't have to guess what Max was implying, "Max. No."

Avery smiled at the both of them, "Why not?"

Lyra sent her a withering glare, "I just don't want to."

Max rolled her eyes, "Who are you lying to? You always want to dance."

She had a point, Lyra did in fact want to dance. It'd help her get her mind off of Grayson smiling at another girl.

God Lyra, stop acting like you're still dating him. Her heart squeezed again.

But if she were to start dancing, chances of Grayson spotting her would be at an all time high. She couldn't risk that.

"C'mon pleaseeee, its been so long since we all danced together." Avery pleaded and Max joined in.

Lyra sighed, feigning exasperation as a smile broke out on her face.

Well, I suppose I could dance just a bit.

And the three girls walked on over.

Lyra looked to her two best friends as they began to dance, Lyra let the music come, felt it in every bone of her body and then she was swaying to the beat.

------------------------------------------

GRAYSON

Like every other event Grayson had ever attended, this party too, was extremely taxing.

People put on nice facades and talked to others only so that they could benefit themselves.

In fact, this party was much worse.

Not only was Grayson still trying to cope with the separation from Lyra, as it turns out, news of the break up had spread far and wide. People jumped at the opportunity.

In the one hour Grayson had been present at the party, he had been flirted with at least 50 different times and that was rounding it off.

His brother was not making that much better.

"Oh! Gray, here comes another one~" Jameson teased, signaling towards a girl whose clothes seemed far too suggestive for Grayson to feel comfortable.

Wrap this up quickly. You control the room. Grayson reminded himself.

He was wrong. This girl was demanding and stubborn.

"Hey there hottie~"

Grayson tried not to cringe as Jameson snorted.

"Yes, miss?" Grayson replied, ever-so formally.

"I hope you know CPR, because you just took my breathe away." She replied.

Jameson turned his head around, covering up his laugh with a cough. Grayson fought to remain polite.

"That's quite funny, miss."

"Oh please, drop the title, just call me mine." She said, adding a wink.

Grayson was dumbstruck, can this woman not take a hint?? Jameson was having far too much fun.

"I'm sorry, ma'am?" He said, emphasizing the new title. This woman was getting on his nerves.

"Hmm, maybe 'mine' is not to your liking?? Then what about girlfriend?" She said, sounding smug.

Jameson tried to cover up his grinning by sipping his drink.

Grayson was floored, "Um. No thank you."

"Aww, you wanna take it fast then? Alrighttttt, you can call me wife."

Jameson choked on his drink.

Grayson choked on air.

What in the world was going on??

"I'm not interested, so-" She cut Grayson off.

"Yet. You're not interested, yet."

Grayson blinked. What?

The lady spun on her heel, she shook her head, her hair falling down to her waist and she threw off her coat.

"My dance will enamor you." She declared.

Jameson was barely holding it together, she then boldly walked to the dance floor, never once breaking eye contact with Grayson.

Then she started dancing.

Grayson shot Jameson a withering glare as he laughed. Hard.

"OH MY GOD, THAT WAS PEAK. AHHAHA-" Jameson barked

Grayson was considering actually digging up a hole and just dying, the woman didn't even dance well for all her boasting. She looked like a robot was attempting to do ballet.

Grayson's gaze wandered over the dance floor before it landed on one girl. He'd recognize those moves anywhere.

Far left, Grayson's gaze rested on a girl with long dark hair which had been left open, her golden-tan skin seemed to shine in the disco light as she danced to the beat like the music had possessed her.

Lyra.

He noticed the way her moves seemed more dragged out, as if she was tired. Her smile was fake and her dark circles had increased.

Yet, she still looked breathtaking.

Grayson didn't bother hiding his stare.

---------------------------------------

LYRA

Lyra got carried away.

She knew it the moment she felt his gaze on her, unwavering as he stared.

Lyra didn't know whether she should hate herself for dancing in the first place or hate herself for liking the fact that she had caught his attention.

He's probably glaring. She thought.

I mean, his ex-girlfriend did quite literally just attend a party his family had hosted. Lyra groaned.

"You guys, I'm tired." She said, coming to a stop. Her body ached for more.

Avery and Max shared a look, "Alrighty, lets go chug some drinks!!" Max yelled.

Lyra shook her head as they began to walk off the dance floor, that's when two guys stepped in their path.

"Hi." One guy said, speaking to all three of them but his eyes rested on Lyra.

Lyra wanted to ball his eyes out.

"Hello." Lyra replied as Max and Avery spectated.

"I happened to see you dancing and I must say, you can groove." He said.

Lyra heard Max and Avery snort the moment the weird guy said groove. She shot them both a glare.

"Um... yeah. Thanks. Now please move aside." Lyra replied, trying to make her disinterest clear.

The man was stubborn.

"Actually! I was wondering if we could have a drink together?" He asked, sounding confident in his abilities to make a woman swoon.

Lyra raised a single dignified brow. She had learned that from Grayson. Her heart ached yet again and she immediately pushed the thought away.

"I'm sorry, but no." She said, crisp and firm.

That should do it. Lyra thought.

"Oh come on. you can spare a few seconds-" The man started.

"She said no." Avery stepped up along with Max, who was now glaring.

"Um... I don't remember including you in this conversation?" The man had the audacity to say.

Lyra thought about reaching for her heels and beating the living shit out of this guy, but she couldn't since that'd tarnish Avery's image.

"Really?? Well I remember Lyra telling you to back off and you not listening you motherfaxer!!" Max said.

"Look. Everyone knows she's single, so she doesn't have any real reason to reject me?? Why should I-" The man began.

"She's my sister-in-law and best friend." Said Avery and Max simulatenously.

Lyra whipped her head around to face them.

Sister-in-law?? She wasn't dating Grayson anymore, what were they on about??

Avery sent her a look. Lyra let out a breath and turned back towards the man.

"You heard her. I am married and taken. Walk away."

The man and his friend snorted.

"Who do you think you're lying too??"

Lyra was about to reach for her heels, when she felt a hand suddenly land on the small of her back. She froze.

She knew that hand, that touch. She knew it the way she knew her own body.

Grayson.

Lyra leaned into the touch out of pure habit, she relaxed into the intimacy.

Shit! Pull back. Lyra ordered herself.

But then Grayson's hand moved from her back and slithered over to the side of her waist. Everywhere he touched burned and Lyra felt her heart begin to race.

She blushed hard.

"Don't make her repeat herself."

The man looked up at Grayson with wide eyes, obviously, he wasn't expecting this. To be fair, Lyra hadn't either.

Grayson's voice turned dark, "Scram."

The man and his friend didn't need to be told twice, they ran like their life depended on it.

Avery and Max smirked at Grayson, knowing fully well where this was going, before they, too, took their leave.

Yet, Lyra couldn't focus on them.

Her focus was fully on the man behind her.

Grayson. Suddenly the party hall seemed too small and she couldn't breath properly.

Neither of them moved until Grayson retracted his hand. He made to move away but Lyra was faster.

---------------------------------

GRAYSON

The guy with the death wish finally left.

Grayson had considered sending Oren after him or beating him up himself but his anger completely dissipated when his gaze landed on her again.

Lyra. Grayson's heart swelled yet he felt nervous.

Her eyes were downcast, her hair covering the side of her face. He saw the tiniest tinge of pink on her ears.

Grayson didn't let go at first. He couldn't.

Lyra was right here. Right in front of him. He wanted to pick her up, run away with her and apologize until she forgave him. But he wouldn't do that.

Not unless she wanted him to.

Grayson loosened his hold on her and then let go completely, he turned to move when her hand latched onto his.

He froze.

She wants me to stay. Grayson pushed the hopeful thought away. He turned around to face the goddess, that was Lyra.

She wouldn't meet his eyes as she stared down at where her hand held his arm.

"U-um. I- uh." She began.

Grayson's heart began to race, he had almost forgotten how much he liked her voice.

"Can we talk?" The words were out of his mouth before his brain had even processed it.

Lyra looked up at him then, eyes blown wide.

Shit. I screwed up.

"Yes." She said finally.

Grayson paused. then blinked once. Twice.

Yes?? She said- she said yes?! Yes!

He grabbed her hand and walked the both of them off the dance floor and towards the "Staff Only" area.

Once they got there Grayson let go of her hand and turned to face her properly. The Staff Only area was unfairly small.

They deserved better than one small square room??

Grayson noted to mention that later.

Grayson's gaze landed on Lyra and, this time, she was looking too, Grayson's breathe caught.

Suddenly the rest of the world didn't exist.

She's here.

------------------------------------------

LYRA

Lyra noticed the way Grayson's eyes travelled around the small staff room he had led them to.

She observed as his face went from stoic, to observant, to disappointed, to serious before his gaze landed on her and then all of his feature softened.

Lyra's heart swelled. Why was he looking at her like she was fragile? Like she meant something??

She had hurt him.

Lyra had made up her mind on the short walk to the room that she would apologize to Grayson and that, no matter the outcome, she would live with it.

No matter how upset it made her.

But, now, with her staring into his beautiful deep eyes, she couldn't seem to remember any of the points she was going to say.

"Lyra." Grayson broke the silence, he said her name like it was a secret. A promise.

Lyra didn't know what to say.

You're beautiful? I love you still, but I'm also a dumbass and hurt you?? Why are you looking at me like that?? Her mind ran through her options.

"Hi."

She slapped herself mentally.

hi? HI?? REALLY??

Grayson blinked, slightly taken a back, before a smile broke out on his face, Lyra's breathe was taken away.

How was it fair that he smiled like that and she was supposed to let him go?

"Hi, Lyra."

She looked down as she blushed slightly, god this is embarrassing.

A silence followed, but it wasn't suffocating or awkward. It was comfortable. As if the rest of the world had disappeared leaving just their slow breathing.

They both stood their, absorbing the others presence. It felt like coming home.

Lyra felt her eyes burn slightly at the familiarity of this situation. Grayson always gave her this sense of comfort. Did she really have to let it go?

You brought this upon yourself. Apologize.

Lyra took a deep breathe, "Grayson."

Grayson kept staring at her which made it hard for her to focus, "Yeah?"

She looked up and met his gaze, "I'm sorry."

Grayson's eyes widened slightly.

"I-," she took another deep breathe to try and calm herself, "I shouldn't have lashed out. That was stupid of me."

She tried to keep the tears at bay, but one fell anyway.

"If you hate me now, I completely understand. But I want you to know that when I said us-" her voice cracked, she kept going.

"When I said I was tired of our relationship. I-" She calmed herself. Lyra needed Grayson to know that she truly meant this.

Lyra's gaze steadied and she met his eyes.

"I didn't mean it. Not in the slightest."

Silence.

"I'm not telling you to forgive me or anything, I just need you to know I'm sorry and-"

"Stop." Grayson said finally, Lyra did.

His voice sounded deep, hoarse, guttural. As if it was taking everything in him to keep firm. He looked both confused and surprised.

"Lyra, why are you apologizing??" Grayson finally managed, his breathing was slightly shaky.

Lyra paused.

"Why-," he ran a hand through his hair and walked closer to Lyra, making her heart beat pick up again, "Don't apologize Lyra. Its not your fault."

Lyra stared at him, she couldn't process what he said at first.

Not my fault?

Lyra turned the phrase over in her head as her eyes widened, what did he mean?? It totally was her fault?

"Lyra, you weren't the only one who lashed out. I did too, and that was dumb. As hell." He let out a breath.

Lyra couldn't believe her ears, was Grayson blaming himself?

"And no matter what you might have said, Lyra, I was the one that told you to leave."

Lyra's breathe caught once again.

"I told you to leave like I wanted you gone, like I was tired of you. I acted like that freaking penthouse was mine alone."

Lyra gulped, "It is yours, though, Grayson."

"No. No its not. Its not just mine. Lyra, when I asked you to move in with me, the place became ours. Its yours just as much as its mine."

If Lyra wasn't crying before she certainly was now.

"I shouldn't have told you to- fuck. I-"

Lyra didn't let him finish, she threw her arms around his neck. Grayson went still for a moment before his arms wrapped around her waist tightly.

They stayed like that for a while, with nothing but the sounds of Lyra's sobs slowly dissolving into nothing but silence.

Just them

"I love you." Grayson said, finally.

Lyra thought she was done crying but she had been wrong.

"And you don't have to say it bac-"

Lyra pulled away from him, looking him dead in the eye, "I don't have to do anything Hawthorne. I chose to come to this party. I chose to follow you here. I chose to apologize to you and-"

Lyra smiled, "I choose to love you, Gray."

The wind sped up, making the room slightly chilly, but Lyra didn't care because, god, Grayson was looking at her like that again.

Like she was the entire universe and he didn't need anything but her.

Grayson closed the space between them first, taking her chin and prying it upwards. She closed her eyes and they were kissing.

It wasn't a slow kiss, not at all.

All of the pent up emotion- heartbreak, anguish, regret, lust and love- all of it spilled out in their intimacy.

Neither of them were holding back, Grayson picked her up with practiced ease and set her down on the singular table in the room, Lyra wrapped her legs around his waist as if they were always meant to be there.

They finally broke apart gasping for breathe. Lyra's head was on his shoulder and she could feel Grayson's breathing by her ear.

Butterflies flew around in her stomach.

Lyra lifted her head and met Grayson's eyes, he looked at her- his chest still moving up and down, trying to catch his breathe.

Her hands went to his face, she started from his forehead, moving down to his cheek bones to tracing his jawline. She committed the moment to memory.

"That girl was fucking annoying." She said finally.

Grayson paused before he burst out laughing, Lyra couldn't help but smile at the warm noise.

"I can sympathize with that, though, the guy was worse." Grayson said. Lyra groaned.

"God don't remind me." She said, exaggerating as she put her head back on his shoulder.

Grayson pulled her closer.

"We aren't going to get anywhere here." Lyra said.

"..what?"

Lyra pulled back again, her eyes alight with something new, "Well? Won't you give me the chance to make up for being away for so long??"

Grayson's entire demeanor changed. He grabbed her hand, "There's a short cut."

Lyra laughed. She couldn't believe it.

She looked at Grayson's beautiful face, his eyes taking on a bluer shade in the moonlight.

She had been sure that she had lost Grayson forever, that she didn't deserve him in the slightest, but she had been wrong.

Because in the end, Grayson chose her and she chose him.

Isn't that really all that mattered?

------------------------------------------

UM?? WOW- THIS IS MY LONGEST FIC YET. I AM BLOODY PROUD.

Personal belief that Lyra can be just as freaky as Grayson, try me.

I hope u enjoyed ahahah :DD (Grayson's POV was a challenge, pls don't come at me.)

Constructive Criticism: @lyrakanefanatic @musiwashere @inkstainsonmyfingertips @alwaysthefangirl @talahsaudiobooklibrary (newest author on the block <3)