#we are no where near where frogs should be tho so idk where he came from

[worrynoodle]

Found a lil guy today and wanted to share. He was in our deck umbrella.

[bodega-daydream]

November 22, 2019

It started out as kind of a nice dream. I was in a class and in the class there was an assignment to bake the best pie, and the old man teacher would rate them. I had a pie but for some reason didnt think its was worth having him rate it even though it looked pretty good. Finally at the end I was made the snap decision to have him rate my pie, but I had apparently blended it up into this really sugary red slushy drink. He tasted it anyway but couldnt really rate it because he couldnt see the crust. fine, whatever. I was then talking to people from school when Josh from BP came up and said that he, Tony, and two other BP workers were going to be on 8 out of 10 Cats and I was sooo excited to know someone who would be on the show for me to watch. Cut to later- I'm at the lake down the street from my house. I was looking through videos on my laptop and was showing Michael to see if he remembered them. Undetermined, but they involved me with shorter hair and a GIANT frog. I think this was based off my frog stuffed animal, but it was real in this video and I had taken him to the lake for a swim. I had had him for years and wondered how long he'd last and then the frog was like I haven't laid my egg yet so pretty much he couldnt die until he laid his one giant egg? whatever. Then I was cold and on the sand and I think we were heading back up to my house. It was dusk. We heard a scream from the neighboring property. There were already a few people over there that seemed to be looking for the source. It sounded like a little girl. I shouted to ask if anyone needed help. But they couldn't find anything. Toward to the top of the beach now, and at night, we saw a bunch of children in this fenced in area. IRL This woman is a swim coach, so it wouldn't be insane for her to have kids at her house, so in the dream, I didn't think anything of this. Yet. The longer you observed the kids, they were kind of running wild in this fenced in area. Then I noticed that one of the kids has smashed his head on a rock and his head was covered in blood. But I think it was suspicious circumstances because the cop lights were flashing in the background through the trees. Though no medical help was there yet. Starting that moment, I had been hanging out with Lewis who showed his EMT badge while walking over. I saw through all of the mess him trying to help out a different kid (for some reason no the kid with the giant hole in his head from the rock lol) but he didn't have any of his supplies with him (because we was just hangin out). At this, I ran over because I had a bunch of stuff that could help. Apparently I just keep a very make shift first aid kit on my person. Though when I got over there, this one kid we were helping looked absolutely fine but apparently had these invisible type of burning sensation on his cheeks. I looked into my bag but it was like kind of useless lol had a small bottle of tea tree oil and some other random stuff. I knew what kind of pain the kid was dealing with though. Lewis gave him something and I told him that I understood and that the best thing to do was to just take a cold hand (bc mine are always cold) and just hold it against it and feel the pain until it stops hurting, because it won't last that long. We then walked away and went back to the police station where I was apparently a detective there. This station was also the house across the street from the lake. Daytime now. One of my detective colleagues was this man who looked like John Krasinski meaning it actually was him, but not him. There were some kids outside (outside was now a city street) being lined up as witnesses or something. The other detective there, a woman, was taking statements from the kids. But then I overheard her make this plot to frame my John Krasinski coworker. I tried to warn him without giving away who was trying to frame him and he help trying to insist on telling his partner, this woman. I was like dude. no. and he wouldn't listen. The kids started walking through and that kid I had helped passed by and gave me this look. Then someone else came in and sort of yelled at me for encouraging his growing sexual love for buses lmao said I was too accepting and that I should have discouraged it from the beginning. My argument was so what, he loves to love buses. Anyway, I was trying to tell John Krasinski about the plot and then I was walking away and he grabbed my wrist. But then the other woman came over instead of letting go, we hid the fact that he was holding my wrist behind my back which also looked suspicious. Then there was another line up of kids outside. They had turned around and this one kid was looking up at us and was like I want to talk to her. I assumed he was pointing to the woman he had spoken to before, which was the 3rd detective. But when he came inside, he wanted to talk to me. I was surprised, but then it was the kid that kind of confessed to lying to the other cop about how the evidence she gave him (to frame John Krasinski) was a lie. But dude, the truth was like 20x worse. Instead of some tiny piece of metal sticking him from inside some box, he admitted that it was actually just part of this bracelet he was wearing. I asked to see the bracelet but it had no metal sticking out of it. Then he was like no, it's part of me. and then this series of spikes that had been implanted in his wrist stuck out through his skin like barbed wire. At this I was like nope! and took a step back. His father came rushing in but he had the same thing going on in his wrist. They could control when the spikes would come out. We learned that they were both extremely violent. The dad was bad, but the kid looked like he would be much worse because he was learning it all from his dad. I didn't want to be near this kid anymore because he seemed to fixate on my fear, as if he would come and find me one day to hurt me. I wouldn't look at him. The wife showed up and she was drunk because she was usually being abused by her husband. I think we let them all go because we couldn't do anything about the situation because she wouldn't accuse her husband of anything. Cut to me going to the live taping of 8 out of 10 cats starring my BP coworkers. Instead of sitting in the studio, there was a ton of outside seating that faced the studio that had large screens on it that was displaying what was being filmed. It opened with Kate McKinnan so this was apparently SNL instead lol but whatever. I was sitting out there in what seemed like stadium pews. The place was decorated in vines and leaves, kind of medieval. A lot of people were moving around the pews, but I had a large space open next to me. The drunk mom came and sat next to me. It made me so nervous because I didn't want to deal with an intoxicated person, but also her husband must be around. The show goes on and she gets up and walks to the doorway to enter the stadium. I somehow acquire this little girl that's sitting on my lap, maybe 7 years old. Turns out this is the daughter of the drunk woman. I'm very protective of this child for some reason. The mom and the husband are doing this weird princess knight act idk, I just know it's happening but I'm more focused on the crowd. Some tiny elderly people come and sit next to me and are asking about this girl (rightfully assume she's not mine bc this girl is blonde). Cut of after this performance, and I'm with/kind of am this woman. I'm on a bus and I'm heading to this beach area. I'm trying to get away from this crazy husband of mine. There was some floaties put out in the water and it was like yes, she's finally getting away. But then I'm like...no this is too easy, and I dive down underwater and I see this man with all of his evil friends waiting there to grab her. She manages to swim away. She's running and running trying to get away. They had this evil dog that was kind of also the husband and kept barking and biting her trying to alert him to where she was. Somehow we got the dog off and jumped onto one of those mini school buses (I'm with her now). There's only one seat and she takes it with her daughter on her lap and we tell the bus driver to gtfo of here. He knows the situation, and drives off. I'm sitting on the floor and looking out the window. Both me and her are in white spa robes, not significant, just random. There's this sense of relief as we're driving off. The dog had kind of handed me this piece of metal and I gave it to her. This apparently meant something as she looked at me and she was like "he really did love me." as in he let her go despite not being able to control his violent nature (even tho it was way worse than that). The mini bus pulls up to the back parking lots of the woodbury commons. We think we're safe until I see this man running a hot dog stand taking pictures of the bus we're in. The bus driver had pulled over and got out of the bus but then I yelled wait, we're not safe here and then her husband pops out from behind something and starts coming for us. The bus is moving and I think this dude some how offs the driver. The woman gets up and goes to the door of this still moving bus and shoots her husband in the head. I'm am #shook. I did not know she was going to do that with such ease or that she even had a gun. I took control of the bus because there was chaos now because she just shot someone and cars were appearing out of nowhere. I was like, flooring it and I was like OKAY I'm taking us straight to the police station. I was way more affected than this lady. Realizing now this was not a great decision and that we should have stayed put, we got pulled over at her parents house. We couldn't exit the bus without being processed by a cop (I was a normal person now, not a detective). I was instructed to head straight to the Montgomery police station to pay a $250 bail (I know, doesnt make sense) but I was compliant. I had to get there. I thought about calling Lewis to help me with the bail because I knew he would, but then realized I had that cash on my person and that I could just go over there and pay it myself. As I was walking toward the kitchen to get my stuff, I realized that I shouldn't be driving because I just went thru a trauma that hadn't hit me yet. I decided it was best to call Lewis after all and have him pick me up so I could freak out in the car and not be driving. But as I was going through my phone to find his contact, I noticed this woman's 3 sisters trying to slyly take pictures of me, just like the hot dog man and I started freaking out. And then my phone was going crazy, receiving every photo they took of me instantly. They didn't know what was happening and I was checking their phones and someone had set that to default and my phone was going crazy. I couldn't get to the call screen. I knew someone had bugged these phones so they could locate me or get my info. I decided to use someone elses phone to call Lewis. The mom was looking through the phonebook for his number when I was like Lewis can I just borrow your phone, you already have the number in it (only realized this flaw when I woke up lol) but I made the call and he answered. He had just said, "Hello?" when I heard the husbands voice in the background saying that he was a police officer to someone. And then I woke up, and I couldn't tell where I was for bit or if I was safe.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #188

“don’t you try to hide with those angel eyes.”

Would you rather take a walk in the cold rain, or in the blistering heat? Ha, the rain, any day. What is your favorite card game? Magic: The Gathering. If it were revealed that religion in its entirety did not actually exist, would your outlook on life be any different? No. If you had the chance to slip through a portal, despite being aware of any of effects and/or consequences, would you do it? No. Which parent was more strict when you were growing up? Mom. Worst facial hair, in your opinion: The pedo mustache. You know the one I'm talking about. Have you ever eaten dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets? Yes, I like, demanded we get those instead of regular as a kid lol. McDonalds, do you like it or does it disgust you? I honestly don't see why people hate it?? Do you like the state you live in? No. Did you ever own a Tamagotchi? I believe so. What do you hope you grow out of? The laziness I have with chores oops. What is the healthiest and unhealthiest thing you do on a regular basis? Healthiest, drink at least one bottle of water... even though I know that's nowhere near where I'm supposed to be lmao. Unhealthiest, drink soda. What is the most embarrassing thing you own? Ummmm idk. What is the strangest habit you have? I have to go use the bathroom literally right before I lay down for bed. Doesn't matter if I did ten minutes ago, I /have/ to go again because if I feel even a damn drop in my bladder, I can't sleep. What movie made you cry the most? The Notebook, probably. Titanic really got me, too. What was one of the happiest moments of your childhood? Getting my dog. What’s your favorite vacation memory from when you were a child? Watching the fireworks above the castle at Disney World. What impression do you try to give when you first meet someone? I try to be very polite. Who or what inspires you to be a better person? Mark. What’s the TLDR description of your last relationship? I didn't like him like that. If you found out your current life has been just a dream, would you choose to wake up? (You don’t know if your real life would be better or worse.) No. Well... do I ever wake up? If I was going to at some point, then I would, as I'd just be hurting myself by living in a word I would only leave. What dumb thing did you believe for a really long time? I'm not even remotely kidding, I didn't put together what "PMS" stood for and thought it was about mood swings 'n shit *during* your period until a few months ago. Where would you like to retire? I'm not thinking of that yet. What brings you the most joy in life? Talking/being with Sara. How many windows are on the upstairs part of your house? We don't have an upstairs. Do you own many hats? I have a Carolina Hurricanes one somewhere from going to a game with Dad, maybe two actually, but idr where they are or if I even still have them. When was the last time you were kept off school/work etc because of snow? I haven't been in school in a long time and I'm unemployed. Have you ever taken an underwater picture? No. Ever been on a ride and hated every second? Not seriously. I went on one I was terrified of (one of those circles that goes waaay up and then abruptly drops you) just to step out of my comfort zone, but I didn't hate it. Scared tho. What were an average day’s tasks at your favorite job you’ve had so far? I most certainly don't have a favorite. Does your car have a backup camera? I don't have my own car, but Mom's doesn't. Are you working on any goals? Yeah, not going well. :') Do you enjoy reading? Not particularly... I kinda just stopped enjoying it, but I also associate it with the hospital because that and coloring was all I ever did. The only thing I really *enjoy* reading is our RP because I'm so deeply invested in our characters, but even then, I procrastinate reading long posts. I'm genuinely trying to start reading again, though... I used to adore it. Are you interested in politics? No, though I should care. Did/Do you enjoy high school? Not usually 'cuz I was a depressed shit. Have you ever watched The Golden Girls? YES Ma and I love that shit. Did you ever like the Ninja Turtles? No. Ever been in a meaningless relationship? Tyler, yes. Does anything on your body hurt right now? Not at this very instant. Know anyone on birth control? Most girls I know + myself. Would you go swimming right now if you could? Yeah, that'd be nice. How long was your longest relationship? Over 3 1/2 years. What are you looking forward to in the next 3 months? My birthday. Have you ever gone frog hunting? No. Who’s the last person to seriously hurt you? Mom. Do you like getting dirty? NO. Are you a very flirty person? No. Who was your favorite babysitter? "Uncle" Donny. Do you swear? I think I make that pretty obvious. Are you gullible? Not usually. What is the last dream you remember? (describe) A nightmare with Dad that I don't really remember the details of. What is something that you fear will happen to you in the future? (Also why) I'll develop Alzheimer's. "Why" is obvious. Thankfully, it doesn't run in my family at all. Describe the best day that you can remember? First day at Sara's. Describe your worst day? The night of the breakup. What are some of your favorite songs right now? The SYN remix of Slipknot's "Psychosocial," "Incense and Iron" by Powerwolf, the "Closer" cover by Asking Alexandria, "Sex Metal Barbie" by In This Moment... I really have a lot rn. Do you ever have reoccurring nightmares? Describe? I've had four nightmares with my dad, all with horrible themes. I guess you could call that "reoccurring." Name a fictional place you would like to go? Take. Me. To. Azeroth bitch. Stormheim in specific, or Feralas. What criminal (dead or alive) would you like to sit down and talk to and why? None. If you read books, what are you reading now? I'm very, very slowly reading The Fault in Our Stars. Do you think that forgiveness is mandatory to move on from something? No. I still don't know if I forgive Jason, yet I'm over it. Do you believe in the death penalty? In extreme cases, yup. Some people have no right to life following some crimes. What is something you want to do but are scared of actually doing it? Ride a rollercoaster. Name three things you would buy if you had the money to buy them? A PS4, drawing tablet, another tat. Are you in a relationship right now? If so, do you think it’s a healthy one? Definitely! (Follow up) If it’s unhealthy, what makes it that way? N/A Would you ever date someone long distance? I am now. Name a person that you can’t stand and tell us why? My former best friend for a plethora of reasons. What group do you hate the most on Tumblr and why? SJWs. I'll stay away from "why" because I have extremely strong feelings and don't wanna offend anyone. What is the meanest thing you have ever done to someone, and why? Messaged Jason before leaving for the ER, directly blaming him. I mean the cause was what he did, but like... you don't fucking contact someone telling them "hey I'm off to the ER because I'm suicidal because of you." I don't care what I feel about him now, that was fucked up. Have you ever sent anon hate to someone? Nope. If you could write a book, what would it be about? I actually think it'd be pretty cool to create some sorta novel series involving all the RP stories, like divide the books into each mob's story... If you could make one rule that everyone had to follow, what would it be? Don't exhibit violence. If you could star in a movie, what kind of movie would it be? ONE W/ TIM BURTON. In your opinion what is something horrible everyone should try once? ?????????????????????????????? What is the hardest lesson that you have ever learned? Someone can fall out of love with you. What mistake do you keep making over and over again? Jumping to conclusions. If you could have a video of one event in your life, what would the video be? The moment Sara and I met. What is the most illegal thing you have ever done? Pirated a computer game I desperately wanted to play afsjjwoeuqowe I'm glad I don't have it anymore, that guilt. People in the past were buried with things that were important to them, what would you be buried with? The pebble from Holly Hill. What is something you are against, but find yourself doing anyway? Being sarcastic as hell when I'm mad. What was the last photo that you took? A leaf, I think. What are your favorite lyrics from a song? Probably "a bloody war behind my eyes; I'll come all right on the other side." Have you ever hit someone? Who and why? Nicole when we were little for making me mad over something I don't remember. What do you think they should teach in school that they don’t? Basic adult skills. What’s your favorite language? German. It sounds so powerful to me, especially in metal ajsfoawoejaw. What’s the most vivid dream you’ve ever had? I don't remember. Who’s your favorite celebrity? Korean Jesus. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? Rebel's Market rip. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant? No, far from on my to-do list. I don't support them in the very least. How many tattoos do you have? Six. If you don't have any, have you ever thought of getting one? N/A When's the last time you ate a homegrown tomato? Like, '16 on a sandwich. Are you a good cook? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Do you know how to pump your own gas? No. What do you think about the most? The future. What do you do most when you are bored? Watch YouTube. Which came first: the chicken or the egg? Chicken. What kind of books do you like to read? Fantasy. How far away from your birthplace do you live now? Like, <10 minutes. Ever been stung by a jelly fish? No. Could you cope with the paparazzi if you were famous? FUCK NO SOMEONE WOULD GET KNOCKED OUT. Do you wear foundation? Veeeeery rarely. Would you ever adopt? If I actually wanted kids, sure. Are you sexually active? No. Last person you sang happy birthday to? Sara. <3 Was the last jacket you wore yours? No. Last thing you won? Uhhhh good question. What level of brightness do you usually keep your phone at? A bit above the middle. Have you ever attended a religious or private school? Well, I went to Sunday school. How many cars does your household own? One. What's your favorite meat? Ummmm pork or chicken. What's the best amusement park you've ever visited? Well, Disney World. How old were you when you got your first car? I still don't have one lol. Do you know anyone who's gotten pregnant over the age of 40? I don't think so? Who does most of the grocery shopping in your home? Mom. Are you listening to music right now? If so, what's the theme of the lyrics? "Adrenalize" by In This Moment. Sex, like it seems most of their songs are about lmao. What movie/game/etc. helps you calm down? Shadow of the Colossus. What does your room smell like? Dog, probably. Do you like to organize? Not particularly. What song is your aesthetic? "She" by Dodie is so Soft and Good. Do you believe in auras? Maybe? Idk. What do you wish you hated, but actually like? Blood On The Dance Floor. I've never really looked into the concrete facts, but I know supposedly they've been sexually involved with those underage. I like a good number of their songs, though. Is there someone you have mixed feelings towards? I'm sure there's someone. Do you prefer space or the ocean? Spaaaaace. What form of government do you like the most? (capitalism, socialism, etc.) Honestly? I don't know actually what they are and I don't care enough to research. What do you think our purpose is in the universe? Hell if I know. Is there a song you can’t handle listening to, even though you like it? "Stairway to Heaven." What ex do you miss the most, if you have one? I most miss who Jason was, not who he became at all. But it doesn't matter, I have someone way more important now. What is your favorite thing to learn about? Meerkats. What country’s history do you find the most interesting? Idk. What breakup was the hardest, if you had one? lol y'all know Do you have someone where you can’t decide if you like them romantically or just as a friend? Not anymore. Do you have any strange interests? RP. What is a topic you are uncomfortable with discussing with most people? Sex. What is something you dislike about the dating world? People don't seem to take love seriously. What gives you confidence? Feeling knowledgeable on the subject. Have you ever dated someone with very different sexual tastes than you? No. Well, not that I know of. I've only been sexual with one. Have you ever said anything you regretted while drunk? No. Has anyone ever been extremely jealous of you? Do you know why? Idk. What was the angriest your parents ever were at you? Dad, idk. Mom, probably when I said "fuck you." That was a night. Or when she tried to kick me out of the car for some argument I can't remember. What was the longest you stayed in your own home for? Weeks, I'm sure. Right now, what is your number one desire? Get a job. Do you feel as though someone ‘won’ in your last break up? No. Whatever happened to the first person you ever loved? I haven't spoke a word to him in almost two years, idk and idc really. Are you currently healthy? In some ways, but no in most. What is something most people are turned on by but you’re not? Extremely muscular men, like wrestlers. Has anyone in your life changed drastically (for better or worse) since you met them? How? Not that I can think of. What song reminds you of good times from high school? "All Signs Point to Lauderdale" by AD2R ironically lmao. Have you ever inherited something? What and from who? No. Who is the last baby that you held? Keegan. Do you know of any twins with rhyming names? No. Last time you saw fireworks? Long time ago. Do you have a black dog? Teddy has some black on him. Do you have a top price where ethics and morality are no longer an issue? No. Well, I guess it depends. What is the greatest physical challenge that you have accomplished? Losing ~60 lbs. Have you ever played naked Twister? No. If tattoos didn't hurt and you could get anything, what would it be? The #1 tat I want is dA's NukeRooster's painting "Denialism" (I got her permission), but I'm going to have to go to an extreme professional, and it's gonna be priiiiiiiceeeeeeey. Have you ever been ghosted before? No. Did you ever get caught watching porn? No, because I've never watched it. Were you ever the bully? No. What's the worst prank someone has ever done to you? Idk.

[lavender-annd-lilac]

Reader doesn’t hate Hal...yet, but she is very annoyed at the matchmaking that him and her father are constantly doing.  She’s not interested in Hal.

Omg now I feel rly bad for this dude bc like… u know when u are a kid and ur parents have that family friend they ask u to call uncle/aunt so and so? And they always make their kids play with u? (not necessarily for matchmaking reasons, just like, the parents want to hang out so the kids are forced to as well lol)

I remember my dad’s best friend (let’s call him Dan) had a daughter and whenever Dan came to visit or or we went to visit Dan’s family, me and the daughter (let’s call her Cindy) were told to go play. This would prob be like other other week when I was growing up.

My dad would always tell me stuff like, “oh, you should tell Cindy about your violin lessons bc she plays cello so she will be interested”, or “ask Cindy to show u what she learned in ballet class, u guys will have so much fun”, etc.

And then when Dan would visit dad, he would always be like “Cindy says hi! She’s excited to go to the movies next weekend”, blah blah blah.

So I kind of feel like these adults kind of tricked me haha by givings us both the impression that we were meant to be bff.

Since I was prob lacking a bit in the emotional intelligence department 😅 it wasn’t until we were both in high school, and I had been left on read like 800 times, and our parents stopped hanging out so much that I realized Cindy and me and were basically marionettes controlled by our parents - ie. not really friends haha 😆

For the record, Cindy was never mean or anything, even tho she had to tolerate a lot of crap from me (I wasn’t mean either, but I would always want to do role-playing games with our toys like “our frog armies ambush and eat a big horse underwater” and she was more of a jump rope/dance kind of person), but ya, in retrospect I just feel that was a shitty thing for our parents to do bc they were always encouraging us to be besties instead of just letting a natural friendship happen or not happen lol 🤷‍♀️

Anyway I guess Hal’s my dude now bc in my mind we were both unfairly spoonfed lies 🤣🤣🤣 also I always feel obliged to root for the underdog/antagonist character. Even tho this story is on like part 8? 9? rn and he might be a full on villain idk. I’ve got your back bro! Say the word and I’ll open up that portal to hell and unleash chaos on this whole town 😈

Lol jk I’m not that advanced and also would never mess w/ chaos magic like that 😵‍💫.

And she’ll rob them, and even spins them in the extractor, before she jars them up.

Me: 😖😖😖

This whole suspicious nature and the cop scenario had me rolling.  Are you wondering if this Cole is a cop, because the Cole in A Little at a Time is? 

Hahaha uh well… I’ll save this one until the end bc it’s a STORY.

Carpet in a dining area really freaks me out, but I digress. 

…🤢how is this hygienic??? Bc I feel like they aren’t giving that thing a deep steam clean every night 😬 I would literally rather have a dirt floor tbh. No amount of giant potatoes could convince me to dine in that establishment!!! But maybe I would order takeout haha

And EVERY TIME I walk into this steak house it feels like I’m stepping into 1995.  Time literally stands still.  The smell is the exact same.

U know what I actually understand this I think… there is an indoor skating rink where my parents live and it’s stayed exactly the same since I was a kid being forced to hold a pylon and skate back and forth. There’s still a donut stand and a popcorn stand lmaoo. The smell too haha. Smells are like the the strongest memories 🥲

Another odd fact, but this is in fact a local legend in my hometown.  The church.

I’m jealous!! I would love to have like a Blair Witch local legend or something near me haha 😍

Cole is a full fledged man that doesn’t know how to drink sweet tea without it running down his chin.  Or was that intentional?  You know, women sometimes like that shit.

I’ll take ur word for it hahaha 😬personally I feel like a display of coordination and fine motor skills would be more attractive but I guess I can just watch stuff like this on YouTube if I want to be impressed 🤖

she’ll be thrown in the basement.

Wait what 😰😰😰

Ok so the suspicious about cops story/rant under the cut 😬

to me any unidentified male is a Potential Cop 😂😂🤷‍♀️

Lol call me paranoid but I’ve always lived in large-ish cities where u can’t throw a rock without hitting a cop. (Ok maybe bad analogy….for the record I have never thrown rocks at cops!)

Idk if u remember when Pokémon go was a big thing and ppl (including me) were obsessed with it??

So, one night I see this chansey on my map near the church/graveyard by my apartment and it’s 3am but so what? It’s not purge night and there’s no wartime curfew or whatever so I figure I’m Gucci.

This is a chansey btw but the quote is incorrect 😅 Pokemon can only say their own names

I’m just casually walking on the sidewalk in front of the cemetery and BOOM, two big ass SUV’s with headlights like

In my face 😩😩😩and cops asking me for all kinds of info I’m not legal obligated to give them bc I’m not doing anything illegal and I’m not being arrested.

Can we see ur ID? Do u attend the university of [my city]? What program, what’s ur major? Age? Address???

So I answer their BS questions bc like… there’s 2 cops boxing me in with SUVS like I’m OJ Simpson attempting a getaway in my bronco. Except I’m on foot…and not an “alleged” murderer

When I tell them I’m just playing Pokémon go, trying to case a fairly rare Pokémon… one of these porky pigs asks me to SHOW HIM on my phone.

Dude is deadass like, oh, idk this game, can u show me?

Omg… sir… idk if u have played a video game before but like, once u catch something/defeat something, it’s done lmao

I can’t show him how I caught the Chansey bc I already caught it????

Imagine u are playing Mario and u eat the shroom that makes u taller. If someone asks u to show them, it’s like bitch I can’t! I already ate the shroom I can’t spit it out and demonstrate again that’s not how it works 🙄

So I basically tell him this but like in a more diplomatic way, and he gets super suspicious like, “oh rly, u can’t show me??? Have u had any alcohol tonight??” And still makes me hand over my phone and is like swiping around the screen and everything 😵‍💫

Finally I was like, am I being arrested?

Donut man #1: no

Me, a law abiding citizen: am I not allowed to be here? *gestures around me*

Donut man #1: I’m pretty sure it’s fine

*silence*

Me, an innocent civilian: ok well if u don’t mind I’m going to go…

Donut man #2: I think it’s rly important for you to focus on your studies and make friends you know, enjoy your freshman year

(I’m already told them I’m doing a grad degree but ok)

Me: ok… *leaves*

And that’s like, just the most recent incident 😠 soooo many times cops have just popped up outta nowhere like they don’t have actual jobs to do 😒

always male cops too. I’ve been on this accursed earth since the 1990’s and I can count on two hands how many non-traffic patrol female cops I’ve seen.

And yes, victim profiling sucks and I’m not excusing that BS …, but I might be more understanding if I was walking around looking like Edward Scissorhands.

Like, ok officer, I am openly wielding several long blades… that’s fair that you might want to ask what’s up.

In reality tho, I’m a pretty average Asian kid. I have dyed hair, but it’s not even in a cool punk ass mohawk or anything. Most of the time it’s a pastel colour like this:

(Lol not me low key showing off my colour mixing skills… I didn’t take a hairdressing course just so I could cosplay as Frenchy from Grease even if that was my primary motivation 😝)

So ya, Cole could literally have been a talking camel in the other story and I would have still been suspicious of this Cole being a cop 🤣

Stained Like Georgia Clay, Part 1

Summary:  as fate would have it, you meet someone new, just as your parents go out of town.

Pairings:  Cole Turner X Reader

Rating:  fluff

Warnings:  none yet, 18+ ONLY

Word Count:  2.3K

Series Masterlist

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[the-mf-bread-babies]

1/8/20

VOLUME FOUR, PART TWO~!

WHO ELSE IS WRITING IT?! ROCCO NORTH, BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CHAPTER ONE

I CHANGED MY MIND HE DOESN'T GET KIDNAPPED lmao

After their work in protecting the house, the family went to bed. Well, except for Aaron, who watched Damon sleep just in case he died or anything.

The next morning, they woke up peacefully, to the sound of–

EXPLOOOSIIOOONNSSS!!!

Well, SHIT !!! Aaron, passed out from tiredness was still sleeping on the floor, though. “Aaron!! Wake the hell up, there's bombs!!” Damon shouted, repeatedly slapping Aaron's face. “Huh…?” Damon gave up and dragged his dad across the bedroom floor. “Hey, hey, I can walk, dude,” Aaron assured, slowly standing up.

A loud boom echoed throughout the house, alerting them even more. Although, it didn't seem like it came from an explosive, but rather, an impact. Their first thoughts were that NULL was using a battering ram on their front door.

The family assembled in the basement, equipped with weapons and protection. “So, what the hell's goin’ on now?” Gabriel asked. “Man, I thought you were gonna explain it or something.” Damon sighed as he looked at the others. “Dennis?” “I literally was friggin’ shaving when I heard the sounds?” he uselessly explained. “I was performing satanic rituals for the plants.” Lan confessed. “Okay, dad, but seriously, where are these guys?” Aaron grumbled, rubbing his forehead.

CRASH!

A hole formed in the stone basement ceiling as it came crashing down, sunlight shining into the area. A small woman whose grey hair covered her whole body to her knees swiftly emerged from the rubble, dusting herself off and hopping back outside.

“Who. Who was that.” Gabriel asked. “Do we have banshees here?” Lan added. “To my knowledge, the only ghosts related to Irish folklore in this house are the deer leg ladies and the lady who keeps using the washing machine to wash medieval armor.” Aaron explained. “Other than that, nada,”

The family halted their conversation as they heard the sound of multiple people screaming for their lives. “Okay, well, what's that?” Gabriel asked. “I– Dad, I don't even know where the rubble lady came from!” Aaron whined, the screaming still in the background.

ace: “die, bitches!”

“Yeah, pretty sure that's not NULL,” Lan pointed out. “Their agents get shot on sight after using foul language.” He revealed. “Really?” Damon asked, thinking about how bad of an agent he would be if he was recruited. “No, I just made that up.” Lan confessed, smirking. “Why…” Gabriel questioned, looking at him with a disappointed face. “Why not?”

nova: “OOH, A STUN GUN, OH NO!”

“HOWEVER WILL WE MAKE IT OUT ALIVE?!”

“HELP~!”

The four paused, noticing a third person in the fight. “Rude.” Damon commented at the girl's behavior.

sarah: “guys i accidentally fricked up the floor”

“do we have to pay insurance or whatever”

“also whats insurance”

ace: “it's a scam designed for you to die.”

Andre: “What Ace said. Also, pretty sure we don't have to do anything, since this place is a ghost town, anyways.”

jake: “mhm also theres probably horses or w/ever so watch out for that lol”

orc: “I SAW A PILE OF FROGS EARLIER”

j: “or that sometimes yknow”

The family peeked their heads out from inside, eavesdropping on the conversation.

o: “YEA BUT THE THING IS”

“I DONT KNOW HOW TO HOLD FROGS”

sar: “you have to like. gently carry those gentlemen around. palm at the side, fingers supporting their body and your thumb keeps them in place, orc, my friend,”

a: “ALSO SPRAY THE BITCHES!”

s: “yea spray them they like it it's fun n stuff”

andre: “Where. Where's the little froggies.”

j: “idk im scared”

a: “coward”

o: “ALSO SCARED OF FROGS”

“THEY ARE METAPHORICALLY CHILDREN”

s: “explain”

o: “SMALL AND CAN DIE EASILY ALSO WEIRDLY SLIMY AND SOFT”

andre: “Babies aren't slimy tho…”

o: “FLORIDA”

an: “oh ok”

“NULL doesn't usually talk about frogs.” Dennis pointed out. “They don't.” Damon agreed. “Also, they don't have members that tall. Or short.” Aaron commented. “Rebel gang?” Lan suggested. Gabriel squinted his eyes, staring at the group. “Last time I checked, undercover NULL agents, even if they exist, don't hide that kind of hair under their helmets. That kid next to the banshee there definitely does not have helmet hair, I mean, the volume and all…”

“hmm? i think those are peeeoopleeee” “guyss” The stylish hair kid pointed out. “cuz i dont think horses look like that!!!!!!!” they exclaimed, strutting towards the basement. “im scared” “help” “yall” “yall means all” they continued, facing their group. “Well, damn, Ace, if it's a horse, give it a carrot or something.” another voice said nonchalantly.

“meanie” “ill kill u” Ace threatened threateningly. “I CAN GO WITH YOU IF YOU WANT!!” A voice offered politely. “thanks nova!!!!!!! andre u can choke” Ace thanked, proceeding with Nova to the basement, the family anxiously awaiting them.

Ace had a normal, skinny, 5'7"-ish body, and they had a sharp jaw and small eyes. Their hair was brightly colored, with brown roots turning into an orange and then into a red, with yellow tips. They were wearing a gray vest above a loose black sleeveless shirt. Also jeans and shoes. Ace is not naked or something.

Nova, on the other hand, towered over Ace. She wore a trucker hat that pushed down her thick hair enough to cover her eyes, and it was tied into two big puffs. Her hair was dyed different shades of green in small spots, making it look like a small, bright shrub sitting on her head. She wore a denim jacket with lots of enamel pins stuck to it. Beneath that was a grey t-shirt, and below that were ripped jeans and UGG boots… somehow, in the amalgamated world.

“Hi! We're the Russell family!” Aaron welcomed, nearly giving them heart attacks by LOON∆ i should listem to that again. “What the fuck?!” Andre remarked, leading the rest into the basement. He was wearing a silky-looking black button-up shirt with a red tie with dress shoes, and his dreadlocks were neatly tied back. He certainly wore a fancy look for raiding NULL bases.

“Yeah, I'm Aaron, this is my dad Gabriel, my dad Lan, my husband Dennis, and my son, (no matter what,) Damon. We have 36 cats and countless ghosts here. Please proceed with caution, most of these babies are strictly indoors-only!”

The group stared at them in shock, unable to believe anything Aaron just said. “How… do you get… 36 cats…” Andre asked. “We used to have a pet shop. It fell down, though, so that's that.” Dennis answered casually. “like. how. like fell down into space” A blue-haired man asked, earning him Damon's full attention.

“Yeah, into space.” Gabriel said. “Just straight down.” Lan elaborated, “No stops or anything, just ZOOP!” “Yeah, that's why we moved into a haunted mansion.” Aaron added. “So, what group are you guys in?” he asked, making a head shoot up in surprise from one of them.

He had gelled blue hair parted in the middle, and his right eye seemed like it had something inserted in it. He wore a dark blue denim jacket with ripped off sleeves and very short, tight jorts. He also had black wristbands, indicating a past emo phase. Or one that's still ongoing, as made obvious by his combat boots.

“oh its kinda indie u guys. u guys probably dont know it :,(” The blue-haired man said sadly, pouting. “We're called the…” Andre began. “C'mon, Jakey, say it.” “no its dumb” he grumbled. “skullsmashers. it's because we smash people's skulls. metaphorically.” Ace explained, asking Jake for confirmation. “right, 8-ball?”

“we really dont......” Jakey/8-Ball said sadly. “Oh, you named us this, Jakey, honey,” Andre contested. “So why can't we smash people's skulls? Like, clearly, I can take the emotional trauma or whatever, as long as it's NULL, or hell, maybe even some dipshit, I can do that.” he added softly.

“Ah, pretty sure they're not NULL,” Lan said, smiling. “So, did you kill them all of them or what?” he asked as he raised his weapon, a mace he was somehow managing to hold with ease. Like. A mace with spikes. Ace nervously played with their hair, sporting a terrified face. “what!?” they exclaimed in a high-pitched voice. “We can definitely take care of them. How do you think this place is officially a ghost town?” Gabriel asked. “Setting up traps and making friends with the local ghosts go a long way, y'know,”

“There's fucking ghosts?!” Andre exclaimed, pulling out daggers from under his arms. “Yeah, but they're nice, so it's okay.” Damon explained with not a trace of fear in his eyes, making Andre slowly put the daggers back in. “Oh, by the way, if you guys see an arm there, could you get it for me?” he requested politely, “And honestly, I'd like to make a pun with lending hands, but I can't seem to put my finger on which one I'd make.” He added, raising his bandaged stump.

“Oh, Jake, don't–” Andre warned before Jake fainted instantly from seeing the bloody bandages on Damon's wound. “I'm sorry,” he apologized. The fainting had sent Aaron quickly went to the operating room, just now realising that he hasn't changed the bandages yet. “uh lemme go check if theres any” the small woman said, scuttling away. “Thanks,” Damon said before following Aaron.

Dennis, Lan, and Gabriel stood awkwardly in front of The Skullsmashers, not knowing what to do. “So, uh, whaddya do?” Dennis asked, folding his hands together. “gamign” Ace quickly responded. “Well, we each tend to go our own ways, but occasionally we team up to raid NULL bases and stuff.” Andre explained, ignoring Ace's statement. “What about you guys?”

“Ah, so I like gardening, and also do some baking from time to time, and Gabriel here used to be a traveling psychic, but now he tends to help me with errands and chores and sometimes we communicate with the ghosts here. Dennis and Aaron used to run a pet shop near here, but now Dennis does some farming, and Aaron spends his spare time caring for our pets.” Lan explained.

“And I do the groceries! And all the other stuff that involves going outside,” Damon intervened, coming back with an anxious, squeaky-clean Aaron. “Which is why my arm got cut off.” he revealed, sitting down on the wooden floor. “ok im back did i miss anything :'//” Jake asked, waking up from his faint earlier. “… we'll catch up later.” Andre replied.

“arm!!!” The banshee yelled out excitedly, waving a cooler back and forth. “Great! Just toss it down,” Aaron said happily, reaching his arms out. Seeing this, Damon ran to the operating room. “Last one's a rotten egg!” he shouted, snickering. “Well, while they work on that, do you guys maybe wanna come in and grab a snack?” Gabriel suggested politely, eager to learn more about the group. “yea sure!! thanks!!” said Jake, who was joyfully running to the front door.

A large figure stood patiently outside the door, belonging with the Skullsmashers. It seemed like a gentle giant, tapping its index fingers together. It was definitely from another world. It had greenish grey skin, and its head was blocky and looked like it was separate from his large jaw that had two moles on it. Its eyes were big and white, and above them were thick eyebrows. And it was wearing what seemed to be a large, furry, ruff reaching his knees that were covered by jorts. Its shoulders were completely covered with a large spiky red boulder on each one. The creature was ten feet tall, and was very strong.

At last, the large doors opened with a creak, the sunlight from outside shining brightly into the house. It was the first time in years that the front doors were opened, and it was for good; they had stayed in there for too long.

CHAPTER TWO

A PROPER INTRODUCTION

The family and the group were sitting in the dining hall, awaiting the arrival of Aaron and Damon. A shit ton of homemade potato chips were strewn across a long plate in the middle as the main course. Lan had prepared a variety of dipping sauces and some napkins. They sat in silence.

“I don't mean to be rude or anything, but how… are you guys still alive?” Andre asked cautiously, starting a conversation. Gabriel dipped a chip in cheese sauce, then thought of a simple answer: “We really just hide and plant stuff. Also, we were really lucky.”

Nova played around with a fork, debating whether these people were real or not. Yes, NULL couldn't possibly use their precious budget to make intricately designed haunted houses with personal touches and residents whose personalities were very unique, as well as their relationship with each other, but, hell, maybe they can.

NULL always had a way to worm themselves everywhere, down to the place she stayed in, the people she knows, and, well, really, everywhere. Even if this family was what they presented themselves as, NULL could do lots of things to not only dishevel Nova and the group she was in, as well as this family, they can manipulate both of them to destroy each other. After all, that's the kind of thing they do– get someone else to do their dirty work.

Nova made up her mind, opting to ask them directly. “I also really don't mean to be rude, but given the large amount of undercover NULL agents and all the different ways they come as, I just have to ask… and this is a very dumb, and useless question, but are you guys in any way… involved with NULL?”

Dennis smiled lightly, understanding that this group was in the same deliberation as they were. “To be honest, we were gonna ask you that too at some point, but I personally don't think NULL agents would look this…” “well, they wouldn't, like… have wrists this limp.”

The room was silent for a while, before erupting with laughter. “You– you fuckin’ thought we weren't NULL because–” Andre struggled, wheezing. “No NULL agent would dress like that, Andre,” Gabriel pointed out, snickering. “Yeah, you think those idiots can achieve this level of interior design?!” Lan added, gesturing wildly towards every piece of furniture in the hall.

“… But really, to answer your question there, yeah, we are technically involved with NULL,” Dennis said, completely changing the atmosphere of the room. “We're classified as Class-4 criminals for, um, giving some of their agents here some mild inconveniences.” he added in a serious tone. “And by mild inconveniences, I mean a few cases of attempted murders, robberies, hauntings, and other stuff like that.” The group sighed a breath of relief, knowing they were both on the same page.

“I have to say, 45 cases of attempted murder and two cases of successful murder does sort of count as a bit more than a mild inconvenience, though, Dennis,” Lan said jokingly. “Oh, and remember when someone planted poison ivy that somehow mysteriously completely wrapped around the whole base they had here, down to the basement?” he added, grinning. “Okay, well let's not compare our crimes here, dad,” Dennis teased. “Everybody knows mine was the best attack yet when I trapped them inside the base by encasing it with raw eggs! somehow” he added, cackling.

The two families had a great time together, laughing and talking about their experiences in the new lives they lived caused by the amalgamation. Meanwhile, Aaron was carefully reattaching an arm to an unconscious Damon. After some hard work, he succeeded, and did his best to celebrate in the operating room.

However, at this point, he became too tired to do so, considering the fact that he alone performed an entire surgery. Still, it was a miracle for both of them. He waited for Damon to wake up and see the finished product, but he ended up passing out while making a celebratory coffee.

The two slept well and endlessly. The rest of the family, however, were faced with a tough decision to make. Dennis, Gabriel, and Lan had the same question echo in their minds:

“Would you like to consider joining us, The Skullsmashers?”

It was a question Andre always asked to those who he saw potential in, no matter who– or whom, no idea. They could be two friends living in a dilapidated house with rats and mice, or three odd creatures in a grocery store, or even some nervous teenager who suddenly asked him to kill someone in the middle of his New Year's Eve party.

It's not that he simply sees something out of the ordinary happen and immediately hands out flyers, but it's that Andre has been gifted with an eye for this type of thing– take, for example, the situation at hand.

Andre raids a NULL base with his friends. The fight continues into the abandoned city the base was in. His friend lands into a basement of a house. Sarah, the friend, points out that there are people living in said house. Said people are clearly weird.

Resident asks for his arm back. Very weird. Still little to no potential, except maybe for interior design. Residents invite them for dinner. Residents have knives and shit.

Potential spotted. nah jk lemme do this again lol

[TAKE TWO]

Okay, okay. Andre doesn't just see people doing weird shit and immediately hires them, contract and all, but instead he observes them further.

If he sees someone hurling flaming batons into the sky, that person does have potential, yes, definitely, but what kind? This style of combat could definitely be a possibility in their attacks, given the practicality and the ostentatiousness of it.

However, it's an art one could hardly practice. The perils one could face are far too much for such a display. But, even though it's inconvenient, it's still very useful. If there was a good amount of accelerant on the baton, an enemy could not only receive a strong blow, but the added accelerant will most likely set them on fire too, rendering them not only useless in further combat (unless they're a very determined individual) but also a potential threat to anyone near them.

And the fact that a person is employed as the weapon is more convenient than, say, a large flaming baton-throwing machine, which would be difficult to program and to bring to an attack.

However, Andre also has to consider the person (itself? themselves? idk man) in an approach. Maybe they're NULL, or maybe even just someone who wants to throw flaming stuff into the air with no deeper meaning or intent. Maybe this person is unsuitable for combat; maybe this person is an enemy or a rival.

The approach is like a job interview– ask them about their experience in the field, if they have any other [good points?? is good points the word], if they're okay with joining the group�� but sadly, he lives in a world where anything wildly good or wildly bad can happen, and it makes the whole process a whole lot more harder.

So, maybe these people inviting them over for a meal might give them a new addition or two. Or, sadly, remove some members.

Will the Russell family join The Skullsmashers? The decision has to be made any second now.

• end •

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

Jack: everyone on the internet calls it a miracle that,we're alive

Me: really?

Jack: babe. Remember how I said earlier that sometimes you just look really stupid?

Me: it didn't seem like a miracle to me...

FBI: Well you should ask one of the cops then. Cause I ain't ever seen anyone deader or a room more filled with natural gas to the point where ee could not see for over two hours. We had to feel along the walls with a hope and a prayer we were doing it right to get them off the wall, using night vision goggles on our gas masks.

Me: well I don't have access to the tv channels... That's how I do it every day... Blind..

FBI: what did you do that day any way besides listen to their hearts to see if they would live?

Me: that was all... Well i burped at one of them... Sometimes they don't like to just be living they like something funny. I only did 2 tho... Brian was already awoke.

FBI: yeah he did that on his own. But Sabrina they didn't need any medical treatment. They just came back to life but how?

Me: some dead hang around their body until it's safer to get back in. Some that have had training.

Jack: IDK what I did baby but I was just there

Me: you remember where you were before?

Jack: the wall. Then just watching you but out of body like I sometimes do when I'm sleep but that was all. I seen you go to the store and I tried handing you your purse but you didn't seem to notice

Me: well I didn't know you were dead in the car

Jack: well you didn't even say thank you but you seemed to notice i was there when you got down. You said "well that was weird but not so much. It will be better when you get done being an ass hole and actually get the nerve to come see me. But let's go jn the store." I think. Did you?

Me: probably when I shut the door. I say it so much.. I don't really notice.

FBI: So what about the other 4?

Dinah Julie. My dead mom: i did. This momma. I said "well let's get back in now. Your girls are waiting." She knows how i do it. just gently glide over and shove them in at the light of speed.

My dad: so you just shove them in huh?

My mom: well they don't go. She just listens to their hearts. Oddly they took D down first and she just happened to go down and she knew he was on the floor and that was that.

Me: its weird that i didn't know it was him.

My mom: well shit you should had you seen his whole torso and all

Me: i just wasn't expecting him. I think i would wanted to know why he was there and

My mom: wanted to control

Me: cause a scene more... Get in the way. I Just shut up and work around things that I dont realize... That aren't that important... At that moment... Like i would had mommed out and been all why the Hell did this happen this way and WTF. Not control but know and then people will have to stop and deal with my drama and it causes more of a mess.. Because had i realized i would been upset. I knew there was a certain set of people up to 6... But the extra 2 i was not aware of

Jack: so excuse me ma'am

Me: i was mad at yoh.

Jack: haha.

Me: apparently for getting kidnapped!.

FBI: i don't wanna laugh but..

Me: but so the fact that there was more people didn't really matter because they were being taken care of.

Mom: well you didn't even take care of any of the Germans! It was the old guy you burped at!

Me: the people I'm closest to. I know them and i know their soulmates. And i can't watch their soulmates suffer any more because I've watched it a lot and iy hurts me a lot to see it. Not that the other people aren't important or significant but those two impact my life greatly and most often.

Jack: every single time i get kidnapped all you do is get pissed off at me. Time before last you fucking yelled at me "fuck you and your fucking Dali lllama that you rode in on!!" And you were so fucking pissed and your eyes were red, your brown part. And I was all... "Fuck idc what you say. I'm gonna live" and I felt really stupid because I was sure i was gonna die... Because I was shot in my lung and i thought it got ky heart. And you said that. Fuck you and your fucking Dali Llama you rode in on. I never heard that shit in my life. And i just saw a llama all clean and fresh snd i knew i was dead and you said "the whole fucking world seen that! Shut the fuck up! Go to sleep you're on my fucking nerve" next thing i knew I was in an American Chopper... And i said "thank you" and you said "yeah fuck off" and i said "fuck you bitch!!" And i started to cry and you smiled this slick sick smile all sly... Tilting your head so no one around could see it. And i knew. You said "you're welcome" and i started laughing and i said "i hate this bitch. I'm gonna fuck her hard" then about 6 weeks later after i got out of the hospital in Germany I was at Circle K in Belen and I was just got into town the day before and i smelled this girl in line and i was explaining to you "babe this girl ... I haven't smelled you in so long but she smells just like you where did you say you were?" And this girl did like you and reached back and scratched her head and when all uggghbbhh and i thought no way is that you. So i said it again and you flashed your left arm up your back to scratch it. And you said "oh my fucking God I'm going to kill something" and the cashier said "bad day?" And you said "no. Some stinky boy who is about to --" and i had grabbed your hand you had behind Your back and you didn't move or try to kill me or scream or even pull away. And so i stuck my head up next to you and said "she means me"

Me: and you smelt fucking good although your little beard was ragged... And i was all Fuck this goddamed ass hole sniffing chicks and shit like he's a school boy in love so I kissed your fucking face. But i didn't know it was you.

My mom: his point is that she actually saved his life then, too. I gave her his coordinates and she emailed every person she could think of and even posted it public so someone could find him ASAP. And they found him within 15 minutes. Not next to alive. But completely dead. And i told her. "Uh Your soulmate is dead you know" and she said "oh" "reached over metaphysically and shook his foot and said "dead people don't have sex, don't you know?!" And the first thing to come to life was his dick! I swear to you! I even asked him "did you miss your legs jumping into your feet and put both feet into your penis?" And he's still got no blood pumping in his other head and he says "i think she'll like" sick little bastards. Ive seen her walk into a McDonald's and find a shot gun victim shot in the chest and lean down and whisper "hey im gonna get some food. I think they got hot fries" and shoowm they come right back to life! Talk about enticing a fellow! She does that a lot. Just give Some one the thought they left off on is the best way she always says but if you can't figure that out, bribe.

Me: McDonald's is always easy. Food. If that don't work. Shopping. Sometimes its back to work or home but that yoh can usually tell. Most the time in reality it's the hospital... But I remember that one dude. He was all bleeding and all sat down and ate some food he had ordered. A quarter pounder big Mac they had them back then and some fresh medium fries. And a large soft drink. Coke with a small ice. He wanted the ice for a small cup not the large. He had just got off work. See he just got up off the floor all "where my food. Get. Out the way miss" and sat down and ate. Man he needed a transfusion... I wasn't sure what all went down. I just sat down near him whistling and all.. And he wolfed his food down and he said "man i don't feel so good" and fainted. Man i felt bad. He fell in slow motion just halfway... I went to help him sit up and slipped on this puddle of blood... He must had bled out half his blood. Most of the time i didn't go to the hospital with them. But him i did. He died. A lot. He didn't have enough blood. So i stopped the dude cause he kept zapping him. I said "you can't do enough electricity if he don't have enough of the joints -- the jolts are too much you're gonna fry his self and he already ate those fresh. He ain't got no juice in his wires.... I see you're not an electrician.he ain't got no blood!!! See You're gonna need 3 bags of saline for there to be enough liquid in his veins for his heart to even pump. Hes empty. How you gonna run a car without no gas?!" Finally the EMT eyes lit up said "you meant zapping him won't do no good. You called me froggy and i been lost since then Cause you know that ain't my name" "its because your voice. Like you got a frog in your throat. Well juice him up, Vince!" "Man you act like you aint from the Bronx, i swear. You didn't think you would get shot in there?" "You can't shoot an angel my buddy" "well what did he do that was so wrong then?" "That's not what I meant" "but you did get shot and it bounced off" "oh that's just my mom. She's my bullet proof vest"

Jack: how come I didn't get your mom?

My mom: cause you got your own and she saved your. Cranium! That's why you got shot in the lung. But tree said not to save you from it and we got upset! Until you got a boner and we thought it was funny

Jack: you know how i got kidnapped and shot?

Me: checking on a "homeless shelter" and they thought you were an actual kidnapper and they kidnapped you and held you hostage until your time was up and no one saved you so they killed you?

Jack: what the fuck babe

Me: i told you I'd kill your dam horse, too. Did you know that's what happened?

Jack: not until this fucking second "DAD"

Me: I told you all that shit about what he did in Iraq with that barbaric guy. And how he was in on 911 And how he used drones to shoot Iraqis for no fucking reason. I wrote it. I told everyone.

My mom: that's not Jack's fault so why.

Me: he was supposed to know. I wasn't supposed to leave him at Circle k. But who else was there? Alex Laughlin And I couldn't stand the sight of him. I got sick and i had to leave

Jack: well you told me to get the fuck out the car

Me: because I thought you were him! And you got out and every one went over and including Matt Hagan and i was all fuck this shit. I'm not doing this, I'll get myself killed.

Jack: well thanks a lot "dad" for getting me fucking killed and pretending to care

Me: i fucking told you. I hated you Jesse and I meant it. You fuck with me one more fucking time you're gonna eat fucking dirt. Do you understand?

Jesse: no

FBI: Sabrina so you're telling me that Jesse You're always emailing is a terrorist?

Me: yeah why didn't you know that?

FBI: because hes a dam liar. Mother fuckers of God. He calls them homeless shelters. That you run. But you don't do that shit you build them their own houses

Me: exactly. I don't fuck with home less people. They dont want homes. I bought some and then the homeless rented out the houses and moved back oj the streets. They explained to me they prefer to live outside. So i don't fuck with homeless. Take them food. Make sure they got umbrella and plastic sheeting for rain storms and blankets and so on and feed them but don't touch them. Leave them where they be. I teach my daughter that "they are homeless because they want to be" granted that isn't all. Some have other circumstances. But I dont fuck with homeless. They live under the stars. No rules, the truest most free people in the world. I dont fuck with them and it PISSES ME OFF YOUD USE MY NAME on a HOMELESS SHELTER, how fucking dare you. When its KIDNAPPING.

Jesse: well what do you want me to do? I'm here to please you!

Me: choke to death and die. Choke on your lies. And die. What the fuck do yiu think.j

Jesse: no