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mytwitterisdogtoast1 · 4 years

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Kingdom Hearts 3 broke my heart.

I am a fan of Kingdom Hearts. i've been here through the first game and even though I grew up without the money to play every game I stuck with the series as best I could. In fact I've bought multiple copies of games on multiple systems and beat a couple of the games not just once but 3 or more times. Here is a list of the things I've done involving this series.

1: I bought KH1/2/COM on more than one system such as ps2,3, and 4. 2: I've played and beaten on the hardest difficulty on each main installment (except critical mode of 3) 3: I have 100% KH1 which might not seem like a big deal but it is the only game I have 100% ever. Got all the trophies and so on. 4: I stuck with the story and even recently before 3 came out played and beat most of the games. (except DDD since it wasn't my kind of deal since I don't like the flowmotion part of the combat.)

You could say I'm a fan of the games and have done what I can to in general keep up with the series as well as have enjoyed the series.

But then 3 came out and I was just not happy with it. After waiting for so long and playing the game and screaming and ranting about certain plot points that just don't make sense to me (KH is notoriously hard to keep up with plot wise and I am just not the brightest person in the world when it comes to shit. Like I really need some things explained outright for me and to some degree do not mind spoilers for some things) I swore off KH the entirety from now on cause it was just that bad of a game for me. It wasn't a horrible game but the direction they started taking it in was just so far removed from what the original 2 games in the numerical series were that this was just NOT Kingdom Hearts at all. Sure you can say it is a love letter to the biggest of fans but I can say that a letter to regular fans was something it needed to do more than cater to such a rabid fanbase compared to a regular fanbase. I thought this was unfair and then bought Memory of Melody. That is now the worst game in the series to me. So I dived into what people thought and looked at a ton of youtubers who played the game and saw what they thought. I looked at reviews of non youtubers and read what they thought and the game has made the fanbase more divided than anything I'd ever seen from a fanbase. So I replayed the game with the intent to write down all I felt on the game to give it a fair review. Like I said I'm a filthy casual and I can give stuff a large break when it comes to media and have a large understanding of what that thing is meant to be. Sometimes a product is meant to be a certain way and we have to enjoy it for what it is and I can try and do that. I mean I love the WWE and Yugioh and anyone who is a part of those fanbases knows in their hearts (kek hearts) how bad those things can be at times. So I played the game and wrote down all the thoughts I had on it and Some might be easy to explain while others are in general probably at least fair on how I feel about it.

Kingdom Hearts is a series not meant for the new comer. It knows what it wants to be and does that thing. It isn't here to make everyone happy and that is just absolutely fine in general. I've been a fan and it makes me happy that the game is one long story that I can appreciate and make call backs to in stuff. I remember being so rewarded when I looked at my then best friend who skipped over chain of memories (I had to emulate it but I think it was fair of me to do so since I bought the game 3 times since now that I have the money to do so) and said he knew what happened because he saw the cutscene of Sora reaching the top and Namine betraying him by putting him into a pod. I laughed at him cause he was a fool who knew nothing of how the story went cause he foolishly just thought he didn't NEED to play the game. This made me more invested into the series than he was. I stuck with the series reading up articles and even watching videos on the series for stuff I missed out on since again i couldn't afford everything. They were building a story over a decade long and at the end it just didn't do it for me. It's not that the story wasn't the end of the series in general. Heck gotta make dat' money Y'all but in general this was the end of a saga for Xehanort and it just didn't cut it. But maybe I'm not starting at the right spot to give my feelings on it. Maybe I'm coming fresh off a game play and feeling a rant building for multiple reasons. So let me start with the positives before I bury the list under a pile of problems for me.

So I'll be putting things in order of good, mixed, bad. They will be somewhat fair and if they have an answer you have my sincerest apologies but remember I'm slightly the "dumb" and would in general like to just get simple straight answers. Something simple and clean if you would. On that note

1: The starting song is a god damned banger - Face my fears is up there with sanctuary which is better than Simple and clean. To be fair though simple and clean was made in like a flight and pretty much is nonsensical to the game in general. However it is a good song. How could it not be with one of japans best pop artists? Have you heard sakura drops? Colors? Traveling? Apples and cinnamon? Fuck man this song is just really good. 2: The game looks great - Sure the game might not look like ps2 graphics anymore but this isn't a bad thing it just is a different thing. The only time I thought it looked bad was during the pirates area where they had to make real people. Sometimes it is better to have a different art theme and even if something is just ok at best during it it can still be over all great. Everyone looked good during it. It just in general looked like a new version of KH entirely. 3: You can power up keyblades - One of the best parts of the game is powering up keyblades. Now sure mickey saying "we should have powered up our keyblades" is a stupid line in general when they are magic items and not fully meant to break form normal stuff but i think the ability to latch onto a key and make that sucker your main key is a great idea. Finally I can power up keys like sweet memories or the kingdom key and go through the cutscenes with the keyblade never changing and it look like it's meant to be there. 4: The whole getting treasure for sinking ships - Even if in general people might not like the ship combat the idea of being a pirate and stealing treasure from a ship when you sink one of the large ones is one of the best thematical ideas in the game. You can just sail the ocean and just pirate ship for loot if you wanted to and since you get xp during it and get your ship to be better it just is a great idea in its entirety. 5: Rikus keyblade - That is one of the better keyblades. I'm not gonna lie but the final fantasy cloud based keyblades where they are more realistic have been one of my favorite designs and I am sad i can't throw it on sora. I like the idea of an actual blade instead of a blunt weapon in the game since it just feels cooler sometimes. Riku getting a keyblade that not only looks more like a sword but is also still a key for a more modern car is one of the cooler things they have ever put in. 6: The call back to union cross players - This was a little lover note to people who played the game. They grabbed a ton of names and threw them in as you threw hundreds of keyblades at the giant heartless storm mob thing. I think it is great and even if I didn't play one of the names that pops up is my actual name so I find that pretty cool whenever I see it.

And that is it. Those are the best parts of KH3 to me. Everything else is either a mixed bag or just not good. I'm sure you can tell which one has more in it. As for the stuff that is in the middle of both good and bad let me make it clear that some stuff that is bad will probably be talked about in the bad section because it needs its own commentary.

1: All the party members - I always was a little sad having to remove one of the characters in my party to add the one new person they wanted to add in and was always sad at that limitation but with 3 you can now have ALL THE MEMBERS. This is great because now I have access to all of my forms with donal...... Oh right, they're not in the game anymore. 2: Nice to one and done an area - Back in the day when I first played the original first game I never went back cause I beat the level and thought it was extra stuff. When I got older and playued through 2 I was a little impatient and just didn't want to keep going back. Now as I am older and wiser and more patient I just do the thing cause it's a part of the game and deal. Thankfully it is all in one trip which is good CAUSE I DON'T WANNA FUCKING PLAY THESE LEVELS EVER AGAIN. 3: I'm gonna say it and people are gonna question me (probably not I'm not a large content creator thus people probably don't care about my opinion so strange of you to be here reading this) but I fucking hate winnie the pooh. I don't like him as a person and I'm just not a fan of his entire world. I only like Eeyore and not cause "gosh that's how I feel" Eeyore is the fucking man. He never lets his bad mood get him down and he powers through even when life is shit. Good for him man. Love that guy. Such a trooper. I just don't like pooh but the levels. God Kingdom Hearts mini games are just mostly not fun in general so not having to play so many mini games in poohs level is fantastic. EXCEPT EVERY WORLD HAS A DAMNED MINI GAME IN IT. 4: Speaking of mini games the ship combat is fine. - It's just, fine. 5: I had so much money - I don't remember playing any other game having so much money. I remember caring and investing and even trying to get money to spend on stuff in some points and in here it just.... I never spent it until i got bored and started using food. I didn't use food until the last world and beyond cause I wanted to finish the game faster. I mean the change of pace having money is nice but there was nothing really to do with it. Maybe I should have bought Hayner, Pence and Olette a ton of pretzels with it. 6: Playing as any other keyblade wielder - Man this was one of those great moments that I was excited to do. Having played as many other characters during other games was always nice and refreshing and being able to do so here was great. It got me excited to play as Mickey again since I got to use him a few times in KH2 or to be able to use Ventus or Aqua again cause they were gonna be saved and be able to fight in the upcoming battle. That is you know. If they are used in the game more than one time each. 7: Giant heartless battle - One of the best moments in the game was the "goofy just died" moment. Not because The goof man "died" but because you got to solo fight a crowd of enemies and in this game it was so cool to have that call back. The shit icing on that beautiful cake was having to use the train to win. Like it just felt like I was making no progress and I can't on my own fight the enemies and no matter how hard you try you can never stop the enemies ever. 8: The what if scenario - The group dying was pretty cool and was a great what if but would have been better if they didn't come back to the past and have Ventus run up and think it was Terra again. It was cool for the lingering will to step in and help but even then the whole situation was so stupid that it could have been written better. What if instead of doing the whole scenario it was a mind fuckery to sora to put him down mentally like they had been trying to entire game. What if it showed him losing and that it was possible? Instead we got this long winded scenario where people didn't learn from their first mistake and tried to go run up to Terra when in that moment Aqua when Ven tried going should have grabbed his shoulder and said "you know it's not him so let's just get ready to fight"

Those are the mixed bag moments I was commenting on. Some things are fine and aren't really an issue except the are a part of a bigger problem in itself which makes them a mixed bag. The last part's I'll be writing about are pretty much a giant rant or asking questions to things. There are problematic points I'll be making as well. So now let's look at the bad stuff in KH3. However, before I get into it, I want to also write down the not as bad stuff as well as some of the really big stuff so I'll make sure to point out when it is a gripe that isn't the worst thing in the world compared to it actually being not good.

1: Nitpick/The social media is dumb - Look I'm not much of a social media person and I know todays kids and teens are all about that jazz and such but man this part of the game is pretty dumb. I am in no way too old to "get hip with it grandpa" and think social media is a bad thing. Times and things change but WHY IS THIS A THING? Sora and friends are out saving the world and probably do not know about current phones since they are so busy. They would be like really old people trying to catch up with todays world and just in general should not have time enough to do it. Sure giving a phone is fine which whatever they can just add in ways to contact which again makes the phone fine but social media is dumb. What platform are they on? Who is following them? What world is this being sent to in general? Does anyone really care?

2: Nitpick/Why 7 VS 13? - I think the number is just really off. Ok look the original organization 13 was fine. Having 14 members in it wasn't a big deal and sure fighting them seperately and not all in one game made me a little sad until final mix came out but at least i got to fight Marluxia in all his pretty boy glory. The point I make is they just seem to have stuck with the 13 which is fine I guess? It just seemed like it was more or less there for no real reason. Sure we would have to fight every single Xehanort around such as Ansem, Xemnas, Terranort, Xigbar who works with old man Xehanort, Young Xehanort, Old man Xehanort. If you also in general wanted him to have each good guy fight a bad guy we would need one for each single keyblade wielder to come out. So let's say Kairi and Axel were just gonna join in so we can have for whatever reason Xion and Roxas just pop out to fight people. We would have need for a total of 7 enemies to fight. Let's just use these guys here as people for people to fight. We can have terranort fight someone before he comes back as lingering will to fight and get his body back. We can have Kairi fight Xion until she defects in general and fights another person with her. We can have axel fight Xemnas so he can get revenge and then have him lose and Roxas can come out. So on and so forth until we have just enough for each person to be matched with another person. You wouldn't need to stretch and find whatever you can and just fill the numbers. You could have at that point just filled it with villains you knew you wanted on your team. Not just bring back generic dudes who don't even need to be here. I'll get more into that in a moment but the numbers just seem off and could have been anything not 7 v 13 but like I said. Nitpick.

3: The plot of Sora flying around this time is a little weak. - So Sora lost his powers and needs to get them back. So he fucks off for a bit until he can regain the powers. Wouldn't it be better if he also trained with Kairi and Axel? What about just going into the realm of darkness to help the others get Aqua? What if instead of just going back and forth to each Disney world like he normally did he in general just.....trained. See the point of the other games was "close the keyholes of the world so heartless stop getting in. Stop those nobodies from opening Kindom Hearts." Kind like saving the world is a great motivation to have compared to "fuck off until you are good or something". It's one of the biggest issues in general. Now if he was told something more substantial than "you need the power of waking" than it would have made the grind through much better. Add in a new plot element for him to need to travel to lands in general so he can earn the power of waking. Send him to places to get that shit instead of "get stronger". You think I can't just do that shit with story? Shit's boring man lemme do stuff.

4: You cannot turn off attractions - That is without playing critical mode. Man Attractions are in general one of the worst parts of the game. Sure I find it hilarious when I'm fighting an important boss (such as Xemnas) and I last hit him with a merry go round but in general they just suck. They aren't fun and they slow the games combat down with a cinematic. Sure they can be "avoided" and I "don't have to use them" but they exist in the game. They are the creators vision and he wants you to use them. If they didn't want it to be a huge part of the games combat system they wouldn't add it in and the fact that it shows up so often just kinda proves they want you to use the thing. Combat in here is very floaty if you haven't noticed and a more grounded approach is sometimes best. This is what the attractions do since they still try and attack you thus getting closer to the attraction in the first place. It's really a jarring object. Telling me not to use it while having the chance to actually accidentally press the button is frustrating. It's the smaller version of telling someone don't be mad when they are mad or try not to be depressed. It's hard to avoid and the answer isn't just "don't do it." Especially when the game puts in abilities to make them more prominent such as extending the time on them. Another point on this is that if the developer wanted them to be optional they wouldn't sometimes be mandatory or even show up during boss fights. Either this was an added on horse shit thing where Disney was like "add attractions or we're done" or Nomura just was like "i recently went to disney land and you gotta put this in it's dope". Joke aside it is one of the worst parts of the game since I can't turn them off and it is hard to get around them. Let me turn them off fully or let them be used as an ability where you can add them in if you want it. Customization should be more of a thing than a gimmick you keep getting. Also they show up so often and I believe in every enemy spawn group. Multiple times even if you miss it the first time. Having so much prominence placed onto this one mechanic just shows they went in hard on it and sure if it was just the rock titan or just the horde of heartless at the end or maybe even rare I wouldn't find it much of a problem but it is EVERY FREAKING COMBAT. I hit that button on accident more times than I wanted to that in general I was trying to use a spell but I missed it by seconds or something and the carnival ride started up and I just said "god dammit" and had to end it dealing a burst of damage since you can't just stop it, it has to go full swing. Also only in critical mode is kind of bullshit. Add it to every mode in the game and it'll be less of an issue.

5: Nitpick/Sora is an idiot - Look I don't mean the whole "he's so stupid now he just is always happy or has dumb dialogue" I mean the idiot tried to touch fire and instead of water magic which he now has and I spammed on the fire balls he walked up to a freaking inferno of flames and just tried to see if it was hot by touching it with his bare hands. Shit Sora you dumb fuck Goofy had a better idea than the mage and the main character and he's not always the brightest. Fuck you.

6: There is too much stuff in this game - Way too many mechanics and most of them are on forever. You have so much you can do such as the shotlock, Flowmotion, Carnival rides, Extra forms, Summoning the fat cat dream pokemon, so many mini games, just so much shit and I'm sure I forgot something. Now look I can let go of the whole "cat" thing because it is a summon and those are normal but in general it just feels like the entire game was overloaded with everything from every other game EXCEPT for cards and if we don't have cards for character upgrades or something it feels like a waste. (that's a joke) The point is that there is too much stuff and it's all filler and fluff and we can just have a nice game without 10,000 things to learn in the first section of the game.

7: Nitpick/ I think the selfies are just dumb - I've taken a total of maybe 5 selfies. All of which are to show a single person in that specific moment. Selfies don't really do much in the world we play in for KH3 and I just think it is in general a dumb game mechanic. However it is not required to do so it's not a big deal to have in. Just another nitpick.

8: Food and cooking - Look, this is not monster hunter. This is not another game where food is an important detail and sure I don't mind the addition of it if you really wanna put it in but it does make the game easier when used. In that direction fine making a game easier isn't a bad thing, however, constantly telling me now is a good time to find ingredients for little chef is annoying every time. I could figure it out if I really wanted it but in general since it is an optional mechanic to which I can just buy the parts for it and even the food at a kupo shop than what is the point in adding in the game play mechanics for it? The mini games are dumb and take too long to do for such a small mini game. Crack and egg get soup. Nothing else but crack an egg. So than the game is too short for a mechanic I'm supposed to do often? Why not add in a larger game so that I can help him create the object one time to see if he likes it and then when he adds it on I can order the object from him. Don't add it into the kupo store if I you want me to make it and don't make me make it be so tedious if you want me to make it. Also why is sora cooking at all? It's Remys passion not mine. He's even shown to run a packed restaurant all on his own at the end of the game in the credits scene.

9: More customization please - Here's a major issue I have with the game. There is less customization compared to other games. This is strange as in general it seems to be the same. The problem is this. I have to use flowmotion in the game. It is not an option because in certain levels it is a legitimate requirement to use for moving elsas castle. It is required in a couple other places as well but the point still stands. I need to have them equipped in order to make progress. The fact that in KH2 I could turn off big moves from team members but cannot now takes the agency away from me from making my fighting style more what I want to do. This means in order for me to really enjoy the game I have to really accept mechanics I was not a fan of in DDD. Maybe having an option for character customization such as turning off forms, and what special attacks you wanna do would be nice instead of giving everything under the sun. Do I want to be a fast mobile fighter? Than make that a character level abiliy choice instead of just making me have it from the start and also making it mandatory for levels. Allow me to remove the big moves with my team and stop making them always on since I never liked them. Sure I can ignore them but it comes down to the same thing as the attractions. Sometimes you cannot avoid hitting the wrong thing. This also goes into the whole magic sucking ass in this game. Every spell is offensive and thus it just feels like it is the same. Wanna do a little small thing with some damage? Wanna do massive damage comparatively? It just feels like they wanted to simplify the whole having a summon, having a spell, having 2 items on or something along those lines. This stops you from having more options on your character and just stream lines you in to a generic build. I didn't use ice once past the first time finding out its pretty much a fire ball. I used cure, fire, water, thunder. Thunder for crowds, fire for damage, water for crowds also because I just stopped caring and cura cause I heal all my damage cause DONALD NEVER HEALS YOU. WE'RE 4000 GAMES IN MAKE DONALD HEAL BETTER. This again comes back to the limits. Let me turn them off since I do not like them. If they worked as magic they would be better cause the magic sucks ass in the game. I mostly after a while stopped doing any real care in magic and just used healing. This also comes back to the original abilities in second form that you can unlock via smacking them with your keyblade. They would be nice since the magic in the game again sucks ass so having something to use magic bar that is not cure would be a nice touch.

10: For a guy who lost his powers I sure have a ton of abilities right away - Remember when in the beginning of each game you lost all your powers and had to slowly unlock everything and it would come to you not just willy nilly? Man those were the days. Could earn powers for reasons. I'm not helpless in the game if I can run up mountains or sky scrapers. If I can glide with the shotlock from one spot to another. I'm too strong if anything at the start and it just makes you feel like the game is padding time before the small amount of story at the end that matters. This could have literally been with the final chapter prologue and it would have worked fine. But no, we didn't get that. That leads into us just spending time until something happens. The story has its own issues (which I will touch up on near the end) and it has some really bad pacing issues. There is bad pacing, and then there is bad writing because of bad pacing. Why not put some shit in the middle. Show I'm getting better instead of just having me just do everything all at once. That's not really an issue if they space parts of it in or let me play as the other characters while sora is fucking off for power. Imagine if they added in more parts with Riku while Sora quests for strength. Imagine us going through the land of darkness instead of just Disney world after Disney world. Imagine what we could have had had it not just been all the Disney stuff then the finale all at once. It wasn't bad pacing for the end to pick up, it was bad pacing for there to be nothing in the middle. This is where the final fantasy characters could have been nice. Adding in the end of the Cloud and Sephiroth stuff so we can fight for more power there. Having us talk with Leon and the gang while they battle with some heartless just in the area and needing help. This would have made better pacing since it would have cut the monotony of the Disney grind. There are times when you just sit there waiting for stuff to happen as you run through world after world waiting for plot in general to just move forward. This does not mean it is bad pacing, this just means there is nothing important going on and leads to the story just falling short of being gripping and engaging. I again bring up the final fantasy characters because let's face it, if they did exist it would give something in general more time to flesh out. There is nothing to do but repeated disney movies that either play out like normal or that you play no real part in since it is after the story in the whole movie. Sure it was great to see what happened with boo and the monsters but Randall just is there and I'm sure he was gone at the end of the first movie. In fact after using my Disney plus account (#notsponsored) to just hit the end of the movie it shows him in a trailer getting beat with a shovel. He probably got back but still.

11: The combat is too "floaty" - I'm in the sky like fucking constantly man. Like all the time. Which is a bad thing since the fucking god damned level creation is now just a tall hallway. See I say tallway (patent pending) beause the level of the game is still pretty small but now it just also goes up a long way. I know this because there are so many flashing walls that there should be seizure warnings in the beginning of the game. It doesn't stop either since in general you have to climb high and doing so brings you ledges and if you have to hit people flying then you are gonna fall. Sure we can use magic but magic runs out and is complete ass. Now look this isn't just me saying it can happen since it does right in the hercules area. The first area where they could have been testing thing and probably did which means someone dealt with this shit and said it was fine enough to pass. That's just bad game mechanics right there. If you want me to be floaty in combat that do not put ledges I can fall down in your game. I do not want to climb all the way back to the top just to get into more fights I might fall down because of. Maybe make the parts I'm on bigger platforms. It just seems they want us to use the attractions because you can't fall off the safe attractions. Another thing is that it isn't just combat that is "floaty" but your movement is also a little too fast. Making larger areas and then making us speed up into a sprint is fine but having me stop right next to a save spot inches too short of touching it only for me to Vroom Vroom right over it because of how fast and far I move is god damned infuriating. It also continues combat wise as an issue in that once you get the ability to knock people up you start going into air combat and smacking them away and you can do that so much since in general the areas you fight in are so large that you can knock a single heartless out of the spawning area enough that you have to run back to fight it.

12: Proud mode is a fucking joke - I think I died a total of one time in proud mode which is probably more than others. See the difficulty has been said to be really easy on this games play through and I'm inclined to believe them. Here is the thing. I know critical mode now exists. I just don't like it. See critical mode was doable in 2 since it was just again harder stuff but in this it is no longer you playing KH3. It is you playing Dark Souls which if I wanted to play that kind of game I'd pop in my copy of bloodborne or turn on my copy of dakr souls 2 which in general I'm not a huge fan of so I stopped playing those games. Difficulty in a game is fine but there is going from hard to fuck why am I playing dark souls? No I'm not the kind of guy who says anything hard is dark souls because I grew up in the era of gaming where games had one difficulty and you had to learn to "get gud" or deal with never winning. Even if I was never good at games I didn't shy away from things being difficult. There is however an exception that the game changes so drastically that there is no happy medium between pants shittingly hard or baby mode. The other thing is that in general DLC should not dictate if a game is good on its own. DLC is meant to enhance the fucking experience and should not make me want to have to buy something (this was free) to get a god damned happy experience out of something that cost me top dollar to begin with. If I need your DLC to have fun or enjoy the story than you clearly missed the damned mark. DLC is extra boss battles. It is final mix of the game when it comes out. It turns your vanilla play through into more than what it once was. It adds aesthetics to the game not makes the game difficult and if it does it doesn't make the game different to such a degree that I'd rather fucking play a game that was created to be that difficult because their combat system is hand crafted for said difficulty. Secondly on that list of being too easy who the fuck thought kupo coins was a good idea. I literally just stopped giving a shit since I could use my now always full magic bar since magic is ass to heal when I needed it and to just run away with my big fucking area during battles and not take damage until I could go in and do slappies for a while before running away and gauging if I need to heal and then if I died come back to life. With all the power moves and free attractions each combat I could have beaten proud mode without gimping myself by trying to not use attractions. The forms didn't help with that either because I would just second form and have a brand new powerful thing to do since it was right there. Not only that but rage form is a full heal and why am I heartless sora again? Either way rage form into run away fast because I run like I'm form kenya with all the movement abilities and then with kupo coin and magic makes the difficulty in here easier than "just don't use it". Mostly because it is implemented in the game and they want you to use it. Telling someone not to use the thing is again stupid because if they didn't want me to use it they would remove the feature. This is no longer a kids game. I'm over 10 years older than I once was and I'm a big boy and want to not be treated like a child. Sure they could be putting it in for kids but why not just have it in easy mode since kids will either do easy mode or know they want that extra challenge.

13: Many of the fights and heartless are just not that good compared to earlier games - So firstly the giant horde of heartless was cool one time. Each time you fight it it gets more and more boring and feels like a cop out on trying to make a good battle and a "oh man this is such a cool idea lets use it alot more than we need to". For a game that was in development for 6 years you think they would have more varied enemies and fights and by that I mean more better heartless. Also some of the heartless are just kinda eh in general. Not only that but the places we visit feel like the heartless are kinda thrown in there and they just made way less enemies than normal. Maybe that is me forgetting if other games did the same thing but I can remember many places having more unique enemies that made more sense. Like why is the monkey heartless here? This is not the time to return to monke or some shit like that and it makes 0 sense when I have to fight it in more than one area. How about the lady heartless with the umbrella. Doesn't fit in every single place it shows up and just feels like it is there. Sometimes they do a nice job putting in certain heartless such as the reindeer which I thought was a nice touch but i don't remember them interacting at all with the reindeer from frozen. I also in general remember each heartless having a newer form such as the fat heartless eventually turned into fire breathers and then eventually into shield dudes. They do not make a reappearance but the fat ones show up all over the place and it would be nice to fight things that are great for the area. Some just also have eh designs and the game just feels poorly made because of it. Some bosses are just boring as well. In fact off the top of my head I can't really remember one I like but I sure as shit can remember the one I hated most which happens to be the airship section where you board a machine gun heartless to fight that sky bird thing in the pirates section. I even found the robots in general tedious because they were hard to beat without the use of the robot suits and felt like another tacked on gimmick to use to make combat more easy. Had they been a single section and not everywhere in the store it would have been cooler but instead we had many fights to do with robots who almost always wrecked my shit. In fact it ruined combat a little for me in general and made the section of toy story a little less good. See most of these issues I have with the places are the grand scale of things and having to go back and forth with them with having really unmemorable heartless for the most part and just not finding the game to be that great with some of the more important parts. Enemies help to flesh the game out to be cooler and as much as I love the generic heartless the worlds make the heartless cooler by making them change to be better suited for the world they are in. Having extra enemies like nobodies and unversed without having much of a reason to have them there other than "you remember this right?" seems like a waste of design chances. Some just either were frustrating tank sponges and the others were just not good. The other issue is some bosses appeared numerous times and just didn't feel impressive when fighting them since they just keep coming back. The giant heartless who I saw in hercules mode coming back on the bridge where you first meet Baymax makes the scene not great since it is a simple color swap at most and it is the same thing again. A lot of the bosses in general just feel ok at best too design wise. I can look back at many of the designs and just name really enjoyable ones who are better than the ones we got here. Honestly the designs are just so much of a let down I don't even wanna revisit the stages which is good because the game just isnt that much fun. One of the more unfun parts of enemies is also the shield stuff they have sometimes which is just more ways to give them extra health. Why not just in general just give them more health since it is just a way to beef them up? Not only are they now mostly damage sponges but the fact that some turn into shielded damage sponges just makes me less happy to fight things. The worst version of unfun boss happens to be the lich at the end when you need to rescue everyone from it. The thing is that it not only takes forever and makes you have to fight it numerous times but it also has the ability to make you unlock from it and in such large areas that becomes tedious to deal with lengthening the entire fight from the already long fight it is.

14: Quick speed round of things I don't like that are just not as good as earlier games - Magic sucks in this game. It's all relatively the same since it is all offensive. Aero was in general the same as thunder since it is aoe with a secondary effect. Water, Fire, Ice are all the same as they shoot a ball of the element that homing devices onto an enemy and when not in general locked on fucks off wherever. I miss the older spells and how they worked and felt more unique in 2 while also having more than just offense. Maybe introduce more spells to the next main entry based on the spells of every other game? I'm just not a fan of some of these worlds as they are all new. I haven't had a chance to catch most of the new movies (even thought I have disney plus which is great you should totally buy it #stillnotsponsored) I just don't like some of the places and the mini games in the don't help. Slight inconvenience but making me have to press x as I load new levels is kinda dumb. Maximus should be a party member. Give me him instead of eugene. Why do I need the flowmotion to progress? Hooray WATER LEVELS MY FAVORITE. Crabs. Watch me beat davy jones in a 4 on 1 battle.Darkubes are dumb. Jesus christ Jiminy shut up I'm trying to grind in the best place for the end game. Oh look it's an organization member maybe I can figh....nah they gone now. THERE ARE SO MANY CUTSCENES.

15: 2 final things before the story issues - Playing as other characters, keyblade forms. One of the biggest gripes I had in this was each time I used a new keyblade i wanted to fight with it and not transform into a new form because I do not like the new forms. They do nothing for me and since they kind of all are ok at best that it just kinda feels meh to me to use them. I pretty much used the kingdom key because second form was fine and stayed a keyblade. If anything I would rather have a new style of fighting like second form in general like the original forms are in KH2. I like valor and wisdom form and as cool of a call back as it was for the 2 first keyblades to be given to you I don't like the final ability to be used which makes me less inclined to find a weapon I do like. Which leads into my second final gripe. I was really excited to play as multiple keyblade wielders. Playing as mickey in 2 was super fucking cool and I miss that. Playing as Aqua and Riku in this made me hope for eventual fights at the end where it was each person fought someone else and you would get an ability to play through a final area for extra boss fights as any character for extra gameplay. I was excited to see what Axel and Kairi could do since in general they finally had moments to shine. You could make them fight and even if they did win just have them lose via cutscene and bring back Roxas and have Xion turn to your side. So many issues I have with that because it goes into another issue of.......

16: Everyone but Sora is fucking worthless - I have seen Dragonball GT and the main main main main main issue I have with that show is no one matters except Goku. See in other series characters could fight and kill or do something against the not main villain and be worth a damn but when GT happened everyone kinda just. Became worthless. No one could win a fight except Goku especially near the end when they had him fight 7 dragons. Sora does the same here when he has to be involved the final boss rush in the game. I'd have liked to see other characters stand out but even then he is the only one who can fight Xehanort when Mickey failed to do anything. It was all sora. Even waking Aqua was all sora. The only time someone did something was when Aqua fought Vanitas and still got her shit kicked in at the end during the cinematic and at that point he just didn't wanna fight 3 people. This is a shame because as I already said it would have been cooler to have those characters fight people and it matter. Let's break down the people who would be on our side Riku Kairi Axel Roxas Terra Ven Aqua Xion Sora Mickey Thats a total of 10 different people to play as. That would have made the final boss fights unique and super cool. You say that would have taken so much time and I say "Cool" but it would have been cooler to fight as these different characters. If they put in 2 extra just do them all. It is the most let down of let downs in gameplay mechanics. Who could they have fought in the game? Let's look at the villains Xigbar Marluxia Terranort Young Xehanort Xemnas Ansem Larxene Luxord Older Xehanort Evil Clone Riku Vanitas Saix Xion There are 12 total people to fight that are not the original Xehanort and each one could be fought with someone totally different. If Xion fights twice but wasn't really trying the first time she can be fine for the second battle. Let's give everyone a person to fight. Let's get the easy ones out of the way. Remember the ones who we fight first don't matter as much because each person not Older Xehanort do not matter even if they are him in other forms. Terra as the lingering will is gonna fight Terranort and get his body back. Riku can fight Ansem who tries to use his darkness and their past against him. Kairi can fight Xion who is noticed to not even be trying and then kairi can be captured to still do the ending they planned for. Xion who now defects can join and fight Larxene Axel can fight Xemnas and lose leaving him almost die while Roxas can jump out and fight him instead Ventus can finally defeat Vanitas Aqua can fight and defeat Xigbar who she has some history with Sora can fight and defeat Luxord so he can give him the card he was going to give. This fight can be more simple than the others and Sora can have to fight against the other Riku Mickey can fight Marluxia Before losing his fight with Xemnas Axel can fight and beat Saix We get to the final battle and while Sora who ran off to find Kairi he has to get through Younger Xehanort to get to the older one.

Look at that clean battle line up. Throw them in the correct order and you can have fights with so many people and even do the stuff needed for it to make the story go smoothly. Everyone gets to be unique and have their day in the sun. The final fight would be sora and gang fighting Xehanort and since the end game would be choose who fights who you can literally have over 120 different fights total if you leave out Donald and Goofy from the sora versions of fights. Heck allow us to fight the final boss final main form and we can in general have even more as we fight him with each character.

17: What is the difference between a heart and a soul? - This is a simple question because they keep saying we don't need the bodies cause we still have their hearts and I'm just having troubles figuring out if the story writers know the damn difference between a heart which is a physical thing or a concept of the soul which is the metaphysical thing. You know like what makes you you.

18: Why doesn't Axel have 2 keyblades? - Like I like that he holds it the way he does, it's very him very unique and all that but if Roxas can have 2 and he gets one from Xion who is no longer a part of him because she is right there than why can't Axel who is specifically a dual wielder of weapons get 2 of them? I mean give the main a sword that is like a Chinese Dao sword combo. It literally is a blade that turns into 2 blades. Like don't even tell me that shit is unable to happen cause Ventus fucking gets that strange keyblade because it is unique to his style so if that is how it works and they all have based on their personality he should have two. Especially since it would be a great call back to my favorite Axel line in the entire series. "Two!?"

19: Clone Riku should not be a boss - Remember when we beat the shit out of Riku as Sora and then Riku clone and then Riku beat Riku clones ass? He's not a challenge. "He was given more darkness powers" Nice, cool cop out there. Fuck you.

20: Why kill everyone just to set up a story line when you could just do it better - So this one is a little subjective. Need sora to meet Chirithy or whatever its name is and maybe set up remind dlc or whatever but in the end you could have just broke his spirit from his body and put him in the other world by making Xehanort who tried taking him over show him everyone dying and it causing Sora to blank out and travel there as a spirit or some shit. It could have worked just as fine allowing the rest of everyone else to go fight the enemies at the end giving sora time to eventually wake up and join in while Donald and Goofy protect him. Then when he wakes up Luxord who could have said "I'll handle the boy when he wakes up could have just did what he wanted to do with the card then. It's just a dumb moment and we could have instead of dumb gameplay where we have to put ourselves back together and have to save everyone and re watch a stupid ass cutscene just watched a cutscene and went back while everyone handled what they needed to.

So before I get into the final 4 parts to get into I hope that you know I was trying to be really fair with a bunch of these and not just looking for things to gripe about. When I didn't understand things I made myself look up to make sure I understood and didn't just bitch about it for the sake of bitching. These last 4 things are kind of in general I beleive super fair.

1: The battles stop as you talk with each person - Nothing kills a fight sequence like starting it, defeating a single enemy in it, talking with a full blown conversation to them, then as they die restart with another fight scene to do it with every single person in the fight. WHY WOULD MARLUXIA AND LARXENE ALLOW LUXORD TO GIVE HIM A CARD? Why would they stop fighting? Why would Ansem, Xemnas, and Young Xehanort watch as one of the others fell and talked? Why would any sane fucking person do that? It makes 0 sense and ruins that boss rush.

2: I know you need to set up another game but fuck you - You literally made the happiest of endings where everything is the best for everyone ever and I MEAN EVERYONE except for Sora and Kairi. Fucking fuck you man. I'm not even mad that that was the ending but when everyone comes up fucking peaches and cream I tend to question the product even if they need to set up story. They can do it better, do what you did at the end of 2 and send a message in a bottle and say "there are still other worlds out there that need us, just not in this universe" or some shit like that. Shit if in general they can have emotions in games than have sora have to jump into the game. You already said my microwave can feel love so than if he can be in that rex universe than he can just go in after he has a nice break with all of his friends.

3: No - Xehanort was not a good guy the entire time. He literally murdered people and stole a childs body and ripped the emotions out of another child and made them not whole. He got a child so angry he murdered his new sorta dad. He pretty much was the whole reason anything bad happened and he was "misguided and wanted to good but did bad to do so". Then in the end he's forgiven and everything is fucking fine? Then he turns into a good guy and goes into the big heart in the sky. This is the kind of writing that literally kills off stories for at least me. Not everyone needs a second chance and sometimes people are just evil. We need stories that have people die at the end sometimes. I know it is fantasy and it can be all rainbows and butterflies but dear god Steven Universe was literally "no you" and that was the end of the entire fucking series. This is the same thing. It might not be "no you" but fuck this ending. This was a story that was supposed to end a 17 year long story and the end of this single part literally spits in the face of people who played it by saying "hey guys, he wasn't bad, he is sorry now". That is complete and utter horse shit. I don't mind that this is not the end of the series. I don't care because if I stuck around this long I would do the same if the story had a satisfying ending. Fuck man in the new game he's even evil then unless that is just how Kairi remembers him but let's face it. The gang would have told her what happened and this is just horse shit in general. This is a fucking stupid story and I literally am fine with alternate realities since time travel and other dumb stuff has been the main name of the game the entire fucking time but let's face it. This is one of the worst ideas for an ending for a villain. The buold up is fucking massive and the payout is just sad.

4: NO - Fucking xigbar. I don't even know how to put this into words how much of a let down it is for Xigbar, Fucking XIGBAR to be the next main enemy. (or at least it looks that way). Fucking we could have had Luxord. We could have had Marluxia. We could have had Demyx. We could have had fucking I don't know Vexen. We could have had fucking anyone but we get Xigbar. You could have slapped any other character onto his scenes and gotten the same amount of out of nowhere shit to explain him being next but it is fucking xigbar. Fucking unreal.

So yeah. That's my massive wrap up on KH3 and I personally do not know where I stand from here. Maybe if the next game doesn't play like shit in 400 years when Nomura gets off his ass and lets us have kingdom hearts 3.76 tie in to 4 which is oddly enough a main title and not a second part of 3 I'll see how it plays. Until then I think I'm gonna sit hereand never touch 3 again and never finish Melody of Memory.

#kingdom hearts #3 #kingdomhearts3 #kh3 #kingdom #hearts #Kindom Hearts 3

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fizzingwizard · 4 years

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Episode 13! I don’t have all that much to say about it. But there were three things in particular I really liked!

Sorato moments! It may be small (I mean, they’re kids and they’ve known each other for like a day), but no one will be able to say Sora and Yamato didn’t have any development in this season!

Sora Getting Shit Done! She’s as cool as Yamato. Scratch that, she’s cooler than Yamato. She’s honest and compassionate. She’s brave like Taichi, values her friends as much as Yamato, AND she can get along with both of them. Bahahaha.

SO MANY adorable Jou&Gomamon moments this episode. Like seriously. SO MANY.

I’ll just tack some here:

More below!

So our two groups are still separated! Jumping ahead, but next week we’ll see MegaKabuterimon, and that rounds out two episodes for each group. But that still leaves Zudomon’s appearance. Just a hunch, but my guess is we’ll see him the episode after which will be the reunion episode too. If not, I suppose the groups are gonna stay separated longer, but this is my guess.

So, once again, our kids have been in this world for Not Very Long At All. It doesn’t seem like they’ve had to stop and sleep so far, though they’ve eaten a bit. Probably it’s still the same day in digital world time o.o It’s completely plausible that they’ve been sleeping and we’re just not being told about it though. This is a kids show, next week Koushirou could be like “we’ve been walking for a week!” and we’ll just have to roll with it lol. But until that happens, I’m going with it’s been about a day and almost everyone’s easily got two evolutions under their belt. Evolving is much easier in this season - Taichi and Yamato even got a Jogress already - so it’s definitely past time to throw out old concepts of how evolving work. The kids clearly have Crests, but they don’t know what they are, which means that’s a thing we’ll be seeing in the future. In spite of that, they can evolve to higher levels. So, maybe something else is in store for them when the Crests become important. Very interesting.

We are back with the trio who’s got their shit slightly more together. Except for Jou’s stomach. Was really amused by Yamato using binoculars. I assume Sora brought them. I’m so used to Taichi’s telescope, but it only makes sense that each group should have some working gear!

Also par for the course, Yamato looking at what’s ahead while Jou’s being sick and Sora’s in between helping them both :P

They find this thing. The hive of brainwashed mecha soldier bees. The person who wrote this episode has definitely had a bad run in with suzumebachi.

As they try to escape, Jou immediately falls off Birdramon.

Me: “Oh no! Someone go help him!”

Gomamon:

Me: “NO NOT YOU”

Like I know they’re partners... but Gomamon doesn’t even have hands. xD All he can do (and all he does do!) is fall together. They’re partners so it’s not surprising, but still... Wheeeeeee!

Honestly though it is just so adorable to me how useless Jou is and how hard Gomamon tries for him... even though Gomamon has a lot more excuse for being useless. I mean, he’s made for a water habitat.

Gabumon: “Jou’s with Gomamon, so he should be okay...”

-___- You know nothing, Jon Snowmon. You know nothing about how much trouble Jou can get himself in

See!?!?!?!??!?! DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THEY’RE OKAY TO YOU, GABUMON??? EAT YOUR WORDS!!!

This is what happens when you try to too hard to make a bee cute. So overdesigned xP It’s like hitting me on the head saying “I’M CUTE, LOOK AT ME!! I’M CUTE!!!” like chill dude, it’s ok. just chill

I guess it works on Sora though, she’s as concerned for this cutie pie as she is for Jou... maybe more.

We make a quick switch to group number 2 who are finally living up to my expectations for how nuts they are. Koushirou’s connection is turbulent, to use the lingo Tumblr always pisses me off with!

Mimi offers to help. “My grandpa can get you a better one!” She... she tries.

Taichi offers to help too. “Times like this you just gotta whack it!” Koushirou looks appropriately terrorized.

I’m so relieved to know Taichi and Mimi are both still batshit.

Yamato and Sora hatch a plan to save Jou by getting themselves captured too. Honestly the show doesn’t spend enough time on the cool stuff like hatching this plan! It just happens! It def got me thinking how brave and cooperative Sora is. Like, we already know Yamato is cool, and he has more experience in the digital world than the others. But Sora just rolls with it. She’s not freaking out, she’s thinking things through, and she can help strategize. 99 Adventure was like “Girls don’t need to do things like pedal swan boats or take watch at night!” This ones like “Girls can definitely do those things! As long as they are pink when they do them!”

Jou and Gomamon arrive in the hive where they are immediately separated... and Jou is thrown out with the trash. BAHAHAHA. GEEZ this show will not ease up on Jou!!

by the way... Gabumon... ARE YOU EATING YOUR WORDS YET!?!?

Sora and Yamato make it inside and hitch a ride on Garurumon...

... They both jump like this when they need to get off so Garurumon can evolve. With jumping style like that, Sorato is a ship made n heaven.

Fuck everything I said about Gomamon working best in his water habitat, IT WAS ALL A LIE. First swimming through sand, now this. Jou has LITERALLY NO EXCUSE for being as useless as he is anymore

also Wolverfish is back, I am some day going to make one of those old geocities shrine sites just for Wolverfish

They are surrounded on all sides though, so what should we do? “Go down.” Yamato, DID YOU FORGET WE ARE IN THE AIR.

Once again Sora is A-OK with all of this! Jou’s the only one having a normal human reaction to A HOLE OPENING IN THE FLOOR OF AN AIRBORNE VESSEL

Gomamon T____T Jou would be mince meat without you

It turns out that Yamato’s shitty plan wasn’t so shitty after all, because either he and Sora talked about what they’d have to do if the couldn’t stay inside the hive, or Sora is psychic. Or just that good at cleaning up after hot-headed men. Anyway yeah Birdramon to the rescue.

For a hot second there it looked like Yamato was going to be like “We don’t have time to save those Digimon” again. Which, I thought we worked through last time, so I was confused. BUT it turns out he only wanted Sora to know he’s got her number. He’s figured out she’s not the type who can turn her back when someone needs help, even if she’s got her own priorities to think about. Sora’s selfless. Yamato clues into that. AND HE TOTALLY SUPPORTS HER <3

Urrrk can Yamato do anything that isn’t Cool

I just love the way he holds them.

Sora faces off with the hive... who’s blast causes a volcanic eruption or something!

Birdramon fights back!

It’s not very effective!!!

Now as much as this is supposedly a Sora episode... she’s had some cool moments but it doesn’t feel like Her Episode as much as last week felt like Mimi’s ep, or the weeks before felt like they belonged to Taichi and Yamato. So actually, that makes it strike number two for Sora, although this episode is definitely better than episode four. It’s not fair. I’m just glad we got some new stuff for her this time, but the writers seem so determined to make her the “good girl” that they forgot character development needs to involve some stakes. So, in place of that, they just do another montage.

First Sora reflects on how useless Jou is.

Then she reflects on how hot Yamato looks when he’s totally helpless.

Then she thinks about how the two of them remind her of pitiful baby bees.

The result... Garudamon!!! Always my favorite Ultimate evolution.

It’s a laaaaaaaser battle!!!!

Yamato’s like “Holy crap I’ve got to get with this girl”

We then set up the intro for next week’s episode, with Koushirou’s computer starting to work again, though not completely. I want it to not work at ALL so Koushirou can be like “i’m no longer useful to my friends, woe is me!” and his friends can be all “Koushirou you’re my best pal no matter what!” and then he saves the day using his noggin. If it was good enough for Mimi’s grandpa it’s good enough for you.

I’m also amused to learn that in spite of apparently selling computers, Mimi’s grandpa too is an advocate of hitting them to make them work.

Agumon mimicking every adorable thing Taichi does is adorableness overload.

Taichi once again offers to smack the computer, like the Taichi of my childhood. However, he claims he’s joking. He’s a 21st century kid after all.

Agumon tells him hitting the computer will hurt his hand, so he should let Agumon do it instead T___T omg that’s the cutest thing EVER I’d give this episode ten stars for this moment alone

but ignoring adorable Taichi/Agumon and Jou/Gomamon moments, I’ll give this episode a 6.5/10. It was almost there! It really needed more Sora though! You know, the spotlight character of the week??

I just don’t feel her as convincingly as the others... which is in part intentional, I think, because that’s Sora. She doesn’t talk about her own feelings so much, she’s private, but she cares very deeply about those around her. I absolutely am with that, but I think that’s really challenging to write, and it wouldn’t bother me so much if we were getting more development in small ways for all the kids all the time. Instead the primary way is these spotlight episodes. We had them in 99 Adventure too, but there was more dialogue between the kids. Watching this episode, I had a thought like “This reminds me of a formulaic Pokemon episode.” As in, there’s someone to rescue, we rescue them, it has little to no consequence for us on a personal level and next week we won’t even mention it happened. At least this episode, they did mention Neemon’s group, to show how this is a pattern for Sora. I’m gonna cross my fingers that means Sora’s going to come out big in the future, we just gotta believe in her and wait. That being said, I’m not trying to be negative, I am also happy that we got these bits for her at all, and especially that we got it confirmed that Yamato sees through her as much as she sees through him!

Next week’s preview...

Kabuterimon: koushirou, you are helpless without your computer, never forget that!

... x’D not

Totally stoked for a Koushirou episode. I hope it kicks butt. Even if it doesn’t, we still get a good helping of my boy Koushirou. <3

#fizz watches digimon 2020 #digimon adventure 2020 #digimon adventure reboot #digimon adventure:#digi spoilers #digimon

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tigerkirby215 · 4 years

Text

5e Akali, the Rogue Assassin build (League of Legends)

(Artwork by Jessica “OwleyCat” Oyhenart. Made for Riot Games)

(Shit meme by yours truly.)

I mean honestly it’s about time I go around to this. With the year nearing its end (thank fuck) here’s a build I had planned pretty much since the Soulknife subclass was shown. Yeah spoilers I guess Akali’s a Soulknife Rogue because she throws a shit load of knives. No she isn’t an assassin, despite the name of “Rogue Assassin.”

GOALS

You can never have too many kunai - We need a hell a lotta kunai and shurikens to throw at our enemies. Remember that part where I said “Akali’s a Soulknife Rogue?”

Smoked 'em - We’ll need to be able to turn invisible and stay invisible while still being able to hit our foes.

Quick and deadly - You’re quick and deadly like a ninja, with dashes over and around just about everything and swift executions. Almost like you are a ninja.

RACE

Akali is a human, no matter how much training in stealth, spirits, and singing she has. She is however from the magic land of Ionia filled with magic people, and since she probably got some spiritual training from Shen I figured that’s good enough justification for me to grab a Dragonmark! A Mark of Passage Human gets a +2 to Dexterity and a +1 to another ability score: we’ll go for Charisma for K-Pop stans. You can also learn a language of your choice and Sylvan makes sense to speak to the spirits.

You have a Courier's Speed for +5 feet of movement and can add a d4 to Acrobatics or motorcycle land vehicle checks thanks to Intuitive Motion. But the main feature of note is Magical Passage for Misty Step in your pocket once per Long Rest. You know me: gotta have Flash available.

If Dragonmarks aren’t an option: Variant Human with +1 to DEX and +1 to CHA is good enough. Take the Mobile feat at level 1 instead of later in the build, and perhaps invest in Fey Touched or something when the time comes for that feat I don’t know.

ABILITY SCORES

15; DEXTERITY - You run and jump around and throw a lot of knives. Almost like a ninja.

14; CONSTITUTION - Be it Gunblade or Riftmaker, Akali is deceptively survivable. That and even ability scores are nice.

13; CHARISMA - Charisma is tied to performance for Korean raps in whatever band you joined this time. Look I’m not saying I want Akali in Pentakill but...

12; WISDOM - Shen tries to teach you a lot of Wisdom and I’m sure at least some of it got through to you.

10; STRENGTH - ‘Kali got abs. Being a ninja requires 100 push ups, 100 sit ups, and a 10 kilometer run every single day.

8; INTELLIGENCE - Ninjas don’t normally have a good math and science program. The answer to how many kunai you brought is “yes.”

BACKGROUND

While you may have once been part of the Kinkou Order you have since decided to go rogue. When you’re part of a ninja organization killing people is cool, but if you do it on your own you’re just a Criminal. You get proficiency in Stealth but I’m going to suggest replacing your Deception proficiency with Arcana for some teachings thanks to Master Shen. You also get proficiency in Thieves’ Tools (though if you want to min-max I’d perhaps swap this out for something out) but I’m going to suggest replacing your gaming set with a Disguise Kit, because my lord Akali has a lot of skins.

Be it your old connections from the Kinkou Order or a new informant for assassination contracts you have a Criminal Contact that can easily supply info, and who you always have a direct line to. They send the target, you get the kill.

(Artwork by Alvin Lee, Pan Chengwei, and Bo “chenbowow” Chen. Artwork made for Riot Games.)

THE BUILD

LEVEL 1 - ROGUE 1

wOw ThE cHaRaCtEr WiTh “RoGuE” iN tHeIr NaMe Is A RoGuE?!?! Blatantly obvious information aside Rogues get proficiency in four different skills! Take proficiency in Acrobatics for ninja stuff, Perception for warding, Intimidation to scare little Noxian kids (hey ninjas are scary!), and Performance for Korean raps.

You also get Expertise in two of those skills: naturally you need Stealth to be a ninja and Performance to be K-Pop artist, so take expertise in both of those. You also know the secret code language of Thieves’ Cant, which only other ninjas (or just regular old Rogues) know.

But of course you can’t be a ninja without knowing how to Sneak Attack. If you attack an enemy that’s distracted by an ally or have advantage to hit a weak point, you do an extra d6 of damage. Don’t worry: your assassination potential only gets better with time.

LEVEL 2 - ROGUE 2

Second level Rogues get Cunning Action for some ninja speed. You can now spend a Bonus Action to Dash, Disengage, or Hide.

LEVEL 3 - ROGUE 3

Yeah spoilers I guess Akali’s a Soulknife Rogue because she throws a shit load of knives. No she isn’t an assassin, despite the name of “Rogue Assassin.”

3rd level Rogues get to choose their Roguish Archetype and Akali is a Soulknife because it turns out psionics is the fastest way to get a shit load of throwing knives thanks to Psychic Blades. When you take the Attack action you can make a psychic knife in your hand that does a d6 of Psychic damage, and you can either use it to stab in melee range or throw it up to 60 feet.

If you attack with the blade you can make a smaller blade to attack with as a bonus action. The damage die of this bonus attack is 1d4 (instead of a d6) but other than that it pretty much works the same. The Psychic Blades vanish immediately after hitting or missing, and they leave no mark on their target, which is just a nice little bit of ninja flavor.

You also have innate Psionic Power which... takes a bit more to explain that “funny psychic throwing knife.” You have Psionic Energy die equal to twice your proficiency bonus, and you can use them on the following abilities:

Psi-Bolstered Knack lets you boost your skill checks with legally-not-Bardic Inspiration, as long as you’re proficient in the skill.

Psychic Whispers lets you coordinate in team chat and set up ganks.

I’m not going to go too deep into these abilities because they’re listed in the subclass and if you don’t know what the subclass does buy Tasha’s Cauldron of Everything and read it yourself. “See? Balance.” And speaking of balance your Sneak Attack damage now increases to 2d6!

LEVEL 4 - ROGUE 4

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4th level Rogues get an Ability Score Improvement but because it’s the 4th level in a Rogue build we’ll instead be taking the Mobile feat. Along with a 10 foot increase to your movement speed you can also cross over difficult terrain (cough walls cough) without spending extra movement if you Dash. But most importantly if you attack an enemy in melee range you can run away from them without provoking an attack of opportunity, even if you miss!

Yup XP to Level 3′s meme explains it better than I can. Sneak attack and run away: keep to the shadows and never stand still.

(Artwork by Jennifer Wuestling. Made for Riot Games.)

LEVEL 5 - WARLOCK 1

What? Did you think that we’d be going for pure Rogue levels? Ha ha Warlock levels go brrrrr. Regardless a connection to the Spirit Realm manifests as powers of the Archfey, such as Fey Presence to Charm or Frighten anyone within a 10 foot cube with an epic rap battle.

And you also get Pact Magic, which comes back on a Short Rest! You get two cantrips at first level: For a Shuriken that inflicts Deep Wounds on those who idolize Eldritch Blast take Chill Touch, because a ninja should always have the right tool for the job. For some ninja trickery grab Minor Illusion to manipulate the shadows to your whim.

For your leveled spells Hex will cripple your foes to make it harder for them to run while also making your strikes deadlier, and uhhh... that’s about it, really? I mean, Sleep from the Archfey list is pretty nice for a sleep bomb but you really don’t need it. We’ll be holding off on leveled spells for a bit.

LEVEL 6 - WARLOCK 2

Second level Warlocks get Eldritch Invocations... hey wouldn’t it be funny if we just didn’t take invocations? I mean, feel free to grab some basic stuff like Armor of Shadows or Devil’s Sight for a time, but again we’re going to want to wait for...

LEVEL 7 - WARLOCK 3

Third level Warlocks get their Pact Boon and while you may never have gone to an official school you were sure to keep all the teachings of Master Shen in a tome. A Book of Shadows from the Pact of the Tome to be precise!

While Pact of the Blade would probably make more sense I’m pretty sure you can’t make your Psychic Blades into Pact weapons. That, and we need a multitude of features from Pact of the Tome more.

Picking up the Pact of the Tome will let you learn 3 cantrips from any class’ spell list. For a quality assurance guarantee on your skill checks take Guidance for that extra boost you need. For some natural Ionian magic Druidcraft will let you feel the spirit in the earth and the trees. And I know there are some spells I seem to stick into every build but yeah: Message is still good even if you have telepathy, for some silent resourceless communication between allies.

Oh and remember how we took no invocations last level? That’s because we’re going to be grabbing both Aspect of the Moon to confuse Diana mains as well as remain alert through the night without needing to sleep, and Book of Ancient Secrets to have some ninja tricks you can prepare over 10 minutes by Ritual Casting. I’d suggest Alarm and Comprehend Languages as the most in-character options but you can get more ritual spells by picking them up and inscribing them into your book (with some really damn expensive ink.)

You can also finally go and pick up those spells that I’ve been ignoring! Darkness is good for a magic smoke bomb (as long as you’re okay with blinding yourself and your allies too) and while perhaps not the most in-character Mirror Image is a damn good spell to up your survivability. And while we may already have Flash once per long rest I won’t ever complain about more Misty Step.

LEVEL 8 - WARLOCK 4

4th level Warlocks get an Ability Score Improvement: time for hee-hoo Athlete Feat that I take whenever I want a +1 in DEX but don’t know what to do. But believe it or not there’s actually a reason for it this time: Akali is an athlete, and you need to be able to perform feats of acrobatics like a ninja. Because again: you are a ninja.

You also get another spell along with another cantrip: for your cantrip Mage Hand will let you do a little bit of spirit-jitsu to reach the kimchi on the top shelf. As for your spell Pass without Trace was added in the Tasha’s extended spell list but you don’t really need it. Your friends might but for the most part I’d again suggest waiting for next level.

(Artwork by Zeen Chin. Made for Riot Games.)

LEVEL 9 - WARLOCK 5

5th level Warlocks get another Eldritch Invocation and to be sneaky like a ninja One With Shadows will let you turn invisible if you stand still in the dark. Alternatively (if you think Stealth Expertise will carry you) you can take Far Scribe for some more secret shadow messages.

You can also learn third level spells like Blink for a slightly unreliable Smoke Cloud that’ll shroud you randomly, or Fear because ninjas are scary.

LEVEL 10 - WARLOCK 6

6th level Fey Warlocks get Misty Escape. As a reaction when you’re hit you can drop a smoke bomb to turn invisible and then teleport up to 60 feet. You remain invisible until the start of your next turn unless you attack or cast a spell, and can use this feature once per short or long rest.

You can also prepare another spell and for a ninja flashbang grab Hypnotic Pattern to daze everyone in a 30 foot cube. What? Ninjas can use flashbangs.

LEVEL 11 - WARLOCK 7

7th level Warlocks get another Eldritch Invocation and we can finally run across the universe to whoever we marked with our shuriken. Or at least 30 feet closer. Relentless Hex lets you teleport up to 30 feet and arrive within 5 feet of an enemy you have Hexed, as long as you can see them. While you can dash for this distance or Flash (Misty Step) this will let you get past any difficult terrain or obstacles with ease.

We can also finally get what we came for: a smoke cloud we can attack from while still being invisible. Take Greater Invisibility for invisibility that remains even after you attack. Yes this does mean as a Rogue you’ll have Advantage on all your attacks (to Sneak Attack), and yes the aesthetic of stabbing people with psychic knives that leave no mark while you yourself are invisible is freaking nuts. There are other 4th level spells you can take (Dimension Door and Shadow of Moil being two worth mention) but your other spells are still good. It’s up to you what you do as again I only own the build, not your character.

(Artwork by Alvin Lee. Made for Riot Games.)

LEVEL 12 - ROGUE 5

At long last we’re going back to Rogue! 5th level Rogues can use their reaction for an Uncanny Dodge to take half damage from an attack. Remember that you only have one reaction per round, and this is the same reaction that you need to use for Misty Escape. So decide if disappearing but taking full damage is more valuable than taking half damage.

Your Sneak Attack also increases to 3d6, and you know those Psionic Energy die of yours? Well they’re now d8s! Finally!

LEVEL 13 - ROGUE 6

6th level Rogues get Expertise in two more skills. Acrobatics is an obvious must but I’ll leave the other skill up to you! Make your own build, even if it’ll probably include Riftmaker. (But when in doubt I opted for Perception personally.)

LEVEL 14 - ROGUE 7

7th level Rogues become masters of dodging skill shots thank to Evasion. If you make a Dexterity save and succeed, you take no damage. If you fail the save, you only take half damage! Additionally your Sneak Attack is now 4d6.

(Artwork by Pyeongjun Park. Made for Riot Games.)

LEVEL 15 - ROGUE 8

8th level Rogues get another Ability Score Improvement. Hey about we cap that Dexterity score which has been sitting at an 18 for the past 6 levels? Deadliest knives, most agile of dodges, and BADDEST of dance moves. (Wait no that’s Charisma.)

LEVEL 16 - ROGUE 9

9th level Soul Knife Rogues can improve their weapons to Soul Blades, giving a few new uses to your Psionic Talent die. Homing Strikes will let you add your talent die to a missed attack, potentially allowing you to hit. If the talent die causes your attack to hit, you spend it.

Psychic Teleportation on the other hand will let you roll a Psionic Talent die as a bonus action to teleport an unoccupied space you can see, up to a number of feet away equal to 10 times the number rolled. This feature spends the die no matter how far you teleport. And finally your Sneak Attack increase to 5d6.

LEVEL 17 - ROGUE 10

The nice thing about Rogues is that they get more Ability Score Improvements. For MORE dancing increase your Charisma to show them what you’re made of. I’ll keep making jokes about K/DA don’t worry.

(Artwork by Atey Ghailan. Made for Riot Games.)

LEVEL 18 - ROGUE 11

11th level Rogues get Reliable Talent to turn any roll of 9 or lower on a skill check you’re proficient in to a 10. As per standard whenever I hit 11 in a Rogue build I like to make a list of your lowest possible roll so...

27 on Stealth or Acrobatics

25 on Performance

19 on Intimidation

17 on Perception

15 on Arcana

With results varying based on your choice of Expertise, of course. And if somehow that isn’t enough to make a skill check, your Psionic Talent die increases to a d10 along with your 6d6 Sneak Attack!

LEVEL 19 - ROGUE 12

Hey more Ability Score Improvements! That means you can nearly max out your Charisma just before level 20!

LEVEL 20 - ROGUE 13

13th level Soul Knife Rogues get the ultimate stealth tool: the Psychic Veil. As an action you become invisible for 1 hour unless you dismiss this effect (no action required). You remain invisible unless you deal damage to a creature or you force a creature to make a saving throw. You can use this feature once for free per Long Rest, and have to spend a Psionic Energy die to use it again.

Now some might say this is a weak ability since you have Greater Invisibility, but that spell only lasts a minute. This ability is far more useful for infiltration and out-of-combat uses, as with a full hour of being unseen you should be able to get into most places that you shouldn’t be. But if you think “a second level spell extended to 1 hour” isn’t a good capstone just remember that your Sneak Attack does increase to 7d6. And that... you know... You could just go Rogue 12 / Warlock 8 if you don’t like the level 13 ability.

FINAL BUILD

PROS

They can't stop me. I mean, they can try - 45 feet of movement with the ability to dash and teleport, with Athlete helping you scale up walls and Mobile making difficult terrain a non-issue. And yeah the Mobile feat in general makes you incredibly slippery.

I make problems... disappear - Who could’ve guessed that a permanently invisible Rogue would be dangerous? With a dozen tools to play keep-away you can easily be in multiple places at once and make your enemies unable to know where to strike.

I'll make this look like magic - You’ve got a nice bit of utility too with some great skill checks (boosted by your Psionic talent!) along with a ton of cantrips and the ability to learn any ritual spell you may find.

CONS

There are over 300 pressure points on the human body - You have a lot of features that are more for flavor than actual practicality, notably Relentless Hex which uhhhh... just Dash? You also have abilities which aren’t that strong, like weak Warlock spells we didn’t swap out (feel free to do that yourself) and Psychic Veil generally being a mediocre ability. (Nothing you can do to fix that.)

I was just warming up - Your stats aren’t awful but also aren’t fantastic... well except for your Intelligence: that’s pretty bad. And without any saving throw proficiency and a surprisingly limited amount of skills for a Rogue you really won’t be helpful outside of your area of expertise.

You don't get back what I take - Almost all your class features run on limited resources. Most of your Rogue abilities rely on your Psionic Talent die, and while you may have a lot you can only get one per Short Rest. Similarly you only have two Warlock slots, which even if they come back at the end of a Short Rest it leaves a lot to be desired. Frequent tea breaks are nice and all but you can quickly exhaust yourself without breaks.

But you are quick, silent, and deadly. All the skills of a ninja in one package. Dive in, make a clean cut, and get out before they know what hit ‘em. Akali’s that girl. 'Kali go grr. 'Kali don't stop. 'Kali don't skrrt. True Damage we do it, and maybe if you perform well enough you can get into Pentakill too. Look I’m not saying I want Akali to be in every band that Riot makes, but Pentakill Akali would be equally cool and hilarious.

(Artist unknown. Made for Riot Games.)

#dnd #dnd build #dnd guide #League of Legends #League of Legends Akali #dnd rogue #K/DA #k/da akali #kali go brrr #ninja #psychic ninja

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ajokeformur-ray · 4 years

Note

I got somethin: write headcannons about Erileck. Your own, personal view. Gotta give my favorite ship some love, and also more ideas when I write you stuff 😈💜

OMFGGGGG omgomgomgomg skskksskk I’ve been stockpiling this for a few days bc I gotta think even though it’s my relationship sksksk but I hope this hits your OTP spots + helps as a future ref.

This is written in 1st person bc it’s Joker + I. I hope that doesn’t bother anyone skkssk this is gonna be so much fun I’m hyped!!! There’s no organisation to this lmao so there are jumps all over the place pfft.

Warnings for mentions of trauma, anxiety, depression, also smoking, swearing. Also NSFW bc duh xp

Word count: 3, 207 (woops?)

Questions or comments on my relationship with Joker are welcomed!! I’m sure there are things I haven’t even considered skskks and ngl I do love talking about our relationship pfft.

Joker and I… sksksk I’d be lucky.

Someone like him loving someone like me??? Ridiculous. A dream.

Someone like me loving someone like him??? Don’t be silly.

… And that’s precisely why we work so well together.

We choose to love each other each and every single day. Again and again, no matter what, we find the time to come back together at the end of a long, exhausting day.

I was with Arthur from the very beginning of the film.

I bumped into Carnival outside Kenny’s Music, and I stood to the side to watch him spin that everything must go! sign.

I’m scared of clowns but something about this clown captured and maintained my interest and so it was that once this particular rendition of Temptation Rag was over, I approached Carnival and sincerely thanked and complimented him on his performance.

Both of us blushing, both of us unsure, but neither of us can resist the almost magnetic pull which the other gives off. So I invited him to coffee and dinner (and I paid for everything, of course) and neither of us ever looked back.

I fell in love with Arthur before I even knew his name, and when I love it’s… intense and I fall hard, and I fall fast, and I can never stand back up.

I’ve been told before that I love “too intensely” and it’s “too much” for people (I was told this by my abusers so I suppose they were lying but… it’s a very open, raw wound which I battle daily), but for Arthur the way I love is just right. He needs that clinginess, that reassurance.

I’m already in tears thinking of everything I feel and everything I want to say lmao…

I turned my entire life upside down for him without a single regret, forethought or anything like that, and I never looked back sksksksk.

I stayed with him as Arthur and I did everything I could for him - bought his prescriptions, bought him food, helped him to keep the apartment clean… there were arguments because he thought I was merely looking at him as a charity case, or he was wary in case I was just after something…

But with time, patience and persistence I managed to get Arthur to be at least comfortable around me.

We fell in love together but neither of us said anything. We’re both too shy, too scared of rejection…

I don’t know how we got together, it’s just that one day I stayed overnight at Arthur’s apartment to help him take care of Penny and to take care of him, so exhausted was he…

… And I never left.

I was with him through it all and I made it known only to him that I was proud of him every time he stood up for himself. They all had it coming, anyway (I have a flexible morality lmao).

I love his jokes; he and Bill Hader are my favourite comedians (shush I know Bill wasn’t around in the 80s but work with me) and I adore it when he shares them with me.

The darker the better, imo. My favourites are the ones you laugh at because there’s no other reaction to give.

But I digress.

So. Present day.

He’s Joker and oh, if I thought I loved Arthur…

I have a very deep, very raw and passionate love for Joker. He is… he’s my entire world and I love him so much I’m tearing up while I type this. He’s so beautiful it makes me cry daily.

Every time I cry because of how beautiful he is, I go straight to Joker. He deserves to see how loved he is. Sometimes I get upset because I don’t feel satisfied with the level of love I’m showing him; it’s never enough and he deserves more.

This most often happens at night, because I get very Soft™ at night.

As such, Joker and I have a very special nightly routine.

We spend all day thinking about it but we don’t do this particular thing until nighttime, when we can put our lives away and just soak in each other’s presence.

I cry very easily. Happy, sad, angry, frustrated, upset, elated, joyful, sorrowful… any mood you can think of, I will cry if the emotion reaches a certain intensity.

It’s not unusual for me to come into the living room late at night when I’m in my pyjamas (an oversized t-shirt and a pair of undies - yes, even in winter lmao just pile on the blankets) with tears in my eyes, for whatever reason.

Every time Joker looks up to see this sight, his eyes roam over my body and he smiles, a soft “awwh” leaving his lips as he straightens his legs so I can sit down on his lap.

I sit on his lap and cup his painted face in my hands and I smother him in kisses. I start off slow and then I speed up as the love within my heart grows, and Joker always ends up holding my wrists in his hand and giggling under my touch.

It usually ends up with one or both of us crying. Joker’s so shocked and so awed that I’m still with him even now, and I just love him so much I can’t do anything else.

Joker’s lap is the best seat and it’s my favourite.

I study there, I sit there, I sleep there.

Cockwarming is also a common occurrence.

If he’s sat a certain way so I can’t sit on his lap, I’m not afraid to press down on his uppermost knee so he straightens out so I can get comfortable on him.

“Can I have my seat back, please?” or “You stole my seat” are common ways of asking for him to move for me.

He is also my clown blanket skkksksk our favourite sleeping position is for me to lay on my back and for Joker to lay atop me. He becomes everything I can feel and his head rests either on my chest or on my stomach, depending on what he wants. My hands are in his hair… and we sleep.

So, naturally, there are copious opportunities for Joker to love me awake ;) many a morning do I awaken to the sensation of fingers gripping my hips, holding me down while he worships me with his mouth.

We don’t do NSFW things .v. often, we prefer to cuddle and just be close.

Both of us are virgins and shy ones at that, lmao, so it took awhile for things to even get to that point.

We discovered we just prefer to cuddle over full out sex; less messy, for one.

Full sex is usually for the times when words aren’t enough; after an argument, or when either of us is especially sad or just needs something.

When I want to do this, I usually say, “how about you werewolf and go wild on me now?” and he howls before breaking out in laughter, which I stifle with a kiss…

If Joker wants to, one look from him and I just know. He doesn’t even have to say anything.

My answer is always yes. There’s nothing I won’t do for him and he knows it; it’s okay, though, because he’s the same way for me. We balance each other out really well.

During the rare times I’m awake before Joker is, I’ll kiss him awake; his face, his neck, chest, those adorable soft curves on his stomach…

Any and every excuse which I can think of do I use to love him.

It’s a daily goal to love him so hard that he doesn’t know what to do with himself. He deserves nothing less.

I steal his red blazer… often.

If Joker can’t find it, it’s either in the wash or I’m wearing it.

As soon as he takes it off, I’ve got it cradled in my arms, holding it to my face to hide my smile. I wear it when he isn’t, I sleep in it when I miss him (even when he’s right there beside me I still miss him), and I often use it as a pillow.

“Are you sure you don’t love that blazer more than you love me?” // “No.” // Any pout he gives me is kissed away and he giggles against my lips because he got what he was after all along.

We can’t sleep without each other. Joker needs to know that he’s needed, and I need to know that my clown is there for me to keep me safe from the things which my mind tells me are in the dark.

Joker does get annoyed with me sometimes because we both know I’m scared of the dark and I have a vivid imagination, and those two things are difficult to handle on the best of days, but I also love horror films.

Slasher ones are my favourite but I also really enjoy the ones which are dark, gritty, the ones which are based more in the psychological than obvious jumpscares.

I know how Joker can get when I watch them, though, so I tend to watch them when he’s out of the apartment or when there’s nothing else to do.

He never stops me from watching them because I’m a grown ass woman, but he makes his disapproval known by by saying he won’t be comforting me that night when I get too scared to turn the lights off.

In the end, though, there isn’t much he can say because he has unhealthy coping mechanisms just as I do, so he wraps me in his arms and hides my face in his chest or in the crook of his neck. “Close your eyes so you can’t see it’s dark.”

“I love you” is said often between us.

And never just once: “I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you - “ it can and will be said multiple times.

It makes the other person giggle and get teary eyed. We’re slightly obsessed with each other and we love the way we love each other.

There are other ways we say those three words, spoken too much yet never enough:

“You got what you deserved, Joker” // “I suppose I did.”

I wear my outfit sometimes and go out in it, and on rarer occasions (I have acne so I have to be careful) I even do my face like his.

When I really make to say ‘I love you’, I’ll do both. It never fails to make him cry.

The Way You Look Tonight by Frank Sinatra is our song, as is The Carpenters songs Close to You and Yesterday Once More.

Every time those songs are on, Joker spins me into him and even though I have two left feet, he dances with me.

The slow, eerie dances he does are my favourite and I love watching him. He knows and he loves it. He always throws me a wink and it never fails to make me blush and emit such a high pitched noise that I feel compelled to pull my shirt collar up and over to cover my face entirely.

Joker always coos and plays peekaboo with me when I do this to coax me out of hiding.

Neither of us want children but we have two pure black rescue kitties whom we love dearly!

That’s Life is another favourite. I love that song and it never fails to make me smile, even when I don’t want to. I play it every day and Joker always dances with me. We prefer the instrumental version; it reminds us of the simpler times when he was still the unseen (not by me, by Gotham in general) Arthur Fleck.

Aaa, Fleck…

I proposed to him. Kinda.

Joker wanted marriage from day one but I was unsure; I despise the institution of modern marriage but one day I caught sight of a ring I liked the look of in a magazine and I took it over to Joker.

I didn’t say anything, I just held the magazine out at that page for him to take, barely able to speak was I through the depths of my emotions.

It took him ten minutes to stop laughing before he dipped a hand into his blazer and withdrew a small box.

Neither of us said yes and neither of us said no.

We just put the rings on the other and that was that.

The next day, I went and got it registered with a cackling Arthur in tow.

I can be emotionally distant at times; if I’m feeling too much, I tend to withdraw into myself rather than upset Joker by burdening him with what I’m feeling.

He hates it when I do that, though a lot of the time I’m not even aware I’m doing it, and it upsets him and then he withdraws from me.

When Joker starts to pull away from my kisses and stops accepting hugs, that’s usually my holy shit what the fuck, Erika? moment and then I do my best to apologise to him.

I’m always forgiven after it’s made clear that I hurt his feelings, and then we don’t let each other go for the rest of the night.

When I need a reminder of why I love Joker or when I just need to see him for all that he is, I watch his segment on the Murrat show (that’s not a typo - I know what I said.) and I’m sobbing in seconds.

*sigh* “Why do you do this to yourself, Erika?”

“I needed to - you were in so much pain and I - “

He pulls me to him and shushes me. I tuck my face into the warm crook of his neck and lavish him with kisses and I just hold him and hug him as hard as I can and I apologise again and again.

Joker doesn’t understand why I watch it sometimes and tbh neither do I but I do and he always comforts me even though I feel like I should be comforting him.

As I said earlier, I’m scared of the dark and I drink as much coffee as Joker smokes (I can easily reach 18 cups a day. Easy.), so night times are... interesting.

It can take up to an hour for me to sleep. Not really because of the caffeine (I’m used to it by now and I feel calmer with it than I do without it) but because I just can’t get comfortable or because I’m convinced something just moved in the corner of the room.

Even with my nightlights, I’m still scared.

It annoys Joker when he’s really tired or trying to sleep and it’s not unlike Joker to grumble “lay the fuck still” and wrap his arms around me so I feel obligated to stay still for him.

Joker never holds me so tight that I can’t move, though. I have trauma relating to body autonomy so he makes sure that I know I can move if I want to.

I prefer to sleep either on my back so I can have my clown blanket or on my side so I can face Joker. I keep my phone by my bed so when I miss Joker or need to see him at 3 AM I’ve got pics and GIFs right there, scared am I that I’ll wake up and he’s just a dream and I’m alone again, so I appreciate seeing him when I wake up in the mornings.

Sleepy morning sex

He’s also at perfect liberty to start things when I’m still sleeping, too.

I gave him an all time free pass - that is how much I trust him. It was the biggest display of trust I could think of, and I’ve never gone back on it or regretted it.

I really just want Joker to know, to know, that he’s loved and cherished. I do my best to let him know that he can be his entire self with me, that I want him to, and he does the same for me.

Fair’s fair though so I’m at liberty to start things when he’s sleeping, though I rarely do because he sleeps so little as it is because insomnia, nightmares etc.

We steal each other’s clothes a lot of the time.

I wear really baggy clothes (my shirts can pass as short dresses) so Joker fits into them easily.

Joker’s very needy and physically affectionate and clingy and even on the days when I don’t want to be touched (again, for trauma reasons), I still allow him to do with me as he pleases.

Not because I feel like I have to, but because I trust him and I know I’m safe with him. When I’m with Joker, I’m the safest woman in the world.

We only use each other’s names - Erika and Joker (Arthur for serious situations) - when attention is needed now or when it’s a deep situation which requires total candour.

Otherwise, for me it’s “my girl” (I melt every time), “my Erika”, “my Queen”, and then generics like darling, sweetheart, love, angel.

For Joker, it’s “my Joker” (he melts), “my King”, “my clown” and then generics like darling, angel, love, honey.

We do anything for each other and we always do small gestures for each other; Joker makes me a cup of coffee and I slip a cigarette between his thin lips before I light it for him. He changes the batteries in my nightlights without saying anything and I hand scrub the blood out of his clothes while it’s still fresh.

Things like that tell us, even without words, that we want it to work.

When he comes home from whatever he does as Joker (I don’t ask and he doesn’t tell), I check him all over. Any bruises, scraps, cuts...

The ‘rule’ is this:

As long as he comes back home to me without even a paper cut, then he can do what he wants as Joker, the reputation he didn’t want or ask for.

We do everything together and with each other and of course we get space from each other when it’s wanted or needed; a lot of the time we’re in the same room doing our own things.

We argue, though I’m not sure what about - but we always make it up to one another. We don’t go to bed angry, either, and we both get upset during fights so tears are shed and wiped away, apologies whispered against trembling lips.

It’s not an easy relationship and there are probably things I haven’t even thought about lmao, but we work hard and the amount of love we have for each other is so strong and so deep it’s bigger than both of us.

We choose to love each other every single day, no matter what, and that’s why we’re still together

Erileck met: 4/10/2019 // married: 26/3/2020. We skipped the engagement. We’re in love and we know it, so why wait?

#jokershyena #requests closed #erileck #this is intensely personal #im so nervous i legit feeling sick posting this

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ata-art · 5 years

Photo

So this idea has been floating around in the back of my head for over a year now, but I never got around to doing anything with it until the other day when I drew up some designs, and now it’s become my procrastination project, these pages are so fun to do!

But yeah, I wanted to do something which was like, snapshots from Taako and Lup's spellbook, full of my headcanons about them as kids, an excuse to get all expositiony about how I think magic works, and just a chance to write sibling dialogue because that's always fun

Taako mentions in episode one his spellbook is actually just a copy of "Seven Habits of Highly Effective Elves", so I took that and ran with it, the twins found a copy of that book and turned it into their spellbook by writing and doodling all over it. It's sort of part encyclopedia, part high school diary, and part mutual memo board, and I've got so many ideas for this so I'll definitely make more pages when I get the chance, but have these for now!

(Second set here)

(Transcript under the cut for those who can’t see the images or find the handwriting hard to read)

First Image - Book Cover: Book: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Elves (250th anniversary edition) Taako: aka us. Lup: we found this in someone’s trash and repurposed it into a spellbook - effective. elves. T: Okay well don’t write that on the cover. L: why not? it’s ours.

Second Image: [title page and first page of the book, the first page has been pasted over with brown paper to cover the text, the title page is covered in notes and doodles]

Book: The Seven Habits Of Highly Effective Elves T: who do magic and stuff B: By Stevynn Covar (crossed out by Lup) T: Taako L: & Lup ^^

Notes on page: L: yo taako if you see this remember we gotta find a recipe to use up the last of that fish - if it goes bad that's another meal we don't get to eat T: Yeah yeah I got it.

T: Found another one time gig - back by 10

L: i know you were on a date tonight!!! i gotta be up early but you're not getting out of this without giving me deets!!

L (written at bottom of page): i'm bored... we've been on the road for like literally FOREVER

L (with arrow pointing to paper): stuck like this until taako can figure out how to get rid of the text on the page T: I can do it, I just can't do it permanently. L: same thing doofus XP

Page 2: T: So magic. There's a lot of it. L: No shit, dummy! T: Shut the fuck up, my intro! T: ANYWAY, as I was SAYING, so much magic out there, one day we're gonna learn ALL of it. But this book is gonna focus on two schools of magic L: (the BEST schools!) T: Transmutation and Evocation L: That's mine ^^ T: and mine.

T: School of Transmutation [a small diagram of a rock turning into a gemstone] Okay, so, this is the school of turning shit into other shit. Very useful for - just about everything, actually. Best school of magic, hands down. L: Nu-uh, evocation is totally way better! T: Sure thing, Lulu. Remind me - who's the one conjuring food out of thin air or fixing your damn outfits every time you rip them? L: Yeah but can you set a bad guy on FIRE??? Didn't think so XP T: Actually yes. L: that's just cuz you know my spells.

L: School of Evocation L: fire. ‘nuff said. [a doodle of lup with her hands on fire, there is an arrow pointing to it with the word “me”, next to her is a dead guy on the ground, with an arrow pointing to it that says “you”]

T: Useful spells Lup knows: 2 (Lup has crossed out the 2 and replaced it with “all of them”) Useful spells Taako knows: 5

Note from older twins in different coloured pen: T: Hey remember when we only knew 7 spells? L: Gods, BABIES T: I still know more spells than you L: You WISH

Third Image: [a two page spread each featuring a spell written by Taako, the pages are still covered in doodles]

First page: Message Components: Copper Wire. Easy enough to find, doesn’t need replacing, could wear as ring? (Taako has later crossed this out and written over it “Earrings work better.”, there is a doodle of both a wire ring and wire earrings here)

We learned this off that old guy in the... that merc caravan near the west coast? When we were about 40, I think. He was cool, couldn't speak so basically used this for everything, had a lot of great notes about non verbal spell casting (see page 13). Anyway it's basically instant telepathy which is like, hella useful in a bunch of situations. L: Like that time you got your ass stuck in a cave [crossed out by Taako] T: Never happened.

Message is pretty intuitive, point and think. Just be careful to direct it at the target and not broadcast your thoughts to everyone in the area. L: It was ONE TIME!!!

[a doodle by lup at the bottom of the page featuring the two of them with closed eyes and the words ~magic thought powers~ between them]

Second page: Mending Components: 2 lodestones. This is a problem - they’re hard to come by. Never did get my first set back after the Ravenpoint militia confiscated them. L: Yeah, cuz you stole them. T: Not important.

The most useful spell I know. In this line of work, things get broken. Clothes get torn. Sisters set fire to everything. L: Hey!! >:( T: You gotta be able to fix your own shit.

Technique for this one - So, you're channelling this through two lodestones, right? Lodestones come in pairs, and they always want to be together. If you let them sit next to each other they'll snap together, and you gotta pull them apart. It's this energy you use to fix whatever got broke, channelling the transmutation power from things that want to be together, into things that don't, like the two sides of a ripped piece of cloth. You gotta be careful though, think about what it is you're fixing. If you just let it snap together like the lodestones, it'll all fuse into a huge nasty mess. You gotta guide it. Imagine like you're holding a lodestone in each hand, and trying to put them together without making a noise. Or actually try that, you have the lodestones. Now imagine that but with the thing you're fixing. If you can swing that, you're golden. And don't try to fix a person with this spell, you'll fuck them up real bad. L: seriously, don’t :(

[a diagram at the bottom by Taako of two lodestones (naturally occuring magnets), with arrows pointing towards each other and the label “Lodestones”. Lup has drawn the magnetic fields over the arrows and written “magic”]

#taz #the adventure zone #taako #lup #taz balance #taz art #twins spellbook

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iamoncewas · 5 years

Text

So I looked into Deep Dive, and other stuff, and dear god, what did I get myself into? Tons of things I'm still making sense of, so I apologize if this is disjointed or unclear. Gonna be more, it's just a lot of thangs XP It doesn't exactly change a whole lot per se, but my perspective has shifted greatly, and now I have to look at things differently. It mostly just adds... more levels to what's going on. Pretty sure I killed my own MoM theory XD But I do like where this is going even better.

The scene in Days/KH2 and the scene in Deep Dive aren't the same scene. 1) The conversation is different 2) In KH2/Days, Roxas appears through a dark portal, this doesn't happen in Deep Dive, and 3) again, Roxas doesn't have yellow eyes. The differences and similarities are intentional however.

Before going into yellow-eyed "Sora" in Deep Dive, I have to talk about the other buddy. This is something I had never considered being... a thing, but I'm pretty sure, he's Riku's Nobody.

... I know right? I suppose I should start with logistics and why exactly I think so.

I believe he was created right after Sora defeated Ansem-possessed Riku. There were two hearts in Riku's body until this moment, signified by their overlapping voices. This is when they separated. Riku's body seems to just sink into the ground, and his [extremely bright white] heart vanishes.

Sora then stabs himself with the Keyblade of Heart that Riku forged, creating Naminé, Roxas, and his Heartless.

Ansem then manifests from a Dark Portal as his physical self, completed by Riku's darkness (since all a Heartless's body is, is the darkness of the heart made physical), and Riku's heart momentarily manifests to prevent him from pursuing Kairi and the others. After they escape, Riku's heart then goes to "a place of darkness where hearts are gathered." And Mickey tells him it was "too late for his body."

By this point Riku's body and soul had already become his Nobody, and his heart couldn't return to it, even though his heart had overpowered Ansem's. Riku's heart "won the battle against darkness", so he wasn't taken over permanently by Xehanort like Terra was, which is why Terra never created a Heartless or a Nobody. His heart remained in the Guardian, enslaved by Xehanort, and his body was taken over. His spirit went into Lingering Will.

So then, the nature of Riku's Nobody's birth, and that of Ansem SoD, is unique. Riku and Xehanort's hearts were merged, and Riku's body held both of them simultaneously. After Sora defeated his body, Riku forced Ansem from his heart, succeeding in taking it back, but his body was already occupied. Not by Ansem though, because his body is Riku's darkness made physical, wrapped around Xehanort's heart. [So like Riku asks in his Kingstagram post, he is indeed the reason Ansem looks the way he does.] This is where Terra failed, his heart couldn't overpower Xehanort's.

This "place of darkness where hearts are gathered" is Kingdom Hearts. The Door to Darkness was the door to Kingdom Hearts. Everything Ansem said about Kingdom Hearts in KH1 was true. He just doesn't understand the other side of it, what it is that creates light in the heart. KH3 immediately references KH1 because it turns out KH1 is like... everything.

Kingdom Hearts is the conglomerate of all hearts, and is therefore connected to all hearts. The darkness in every single heart, is the realm of Kingdom Hearts. "All hearts begin in darkness, and all so end." Truth bro.

The light doesn't come from Kingdom Hearts, the light comes from us and our bonds to the things we cherish.

When the Door to Darkness opens, you can see darkness start flooding from it. But when Sora states his belief that Kingdom Hearts is light, light floods from the door. Not because this was really the Door to Light, but because that light behind the door was created by Sora's belief in the light. His belief in Riku. Their bond.

When Sora believed in the light, and it consumed Ansem, it returned Riku's physical body back to him, like Kairi's belief in Sora returned his body when he became a Shadow ["Consume the darkness, return it to light."]. And like Sora and Kairi, Riku returned to his human form without destroying his Nobody. This is also exactly how Riku got his body back from "Ansem" in KH2. Being bathed in the light of Kingdom Hearts, after protecting the others.

From Ansem/Riku's KH2 journal entry:

“Riku began calling himself “Ansem”, perhaps as a sign of resolve. He would live in darkness if that’s what it took to wake Sora.”

“He had clad himself in darkness in order to wield it, and had even changed in appearance. But when the real Ansem’s Kingdom Hearts Encoder exploded, Riku returned to his old form. You could say it was a miracle -- worked by a heart no darkness could eclipse.”

Ansem was shocked to see light flood from the DtD, because he was not expecting Sora and Riku's bond to create such light, given what had just happened between them. He knows the darkness in Riku's heart, it's what he's made from. And he knows exactly where it comes from. The desire to possess Sora’s heart, and his fears about telling him so.

Riku admitted on two occasions after this, to feeling like a "nobody." (ie: Like he had no heart, no emotion, no purpose. As if he didn't matter.) First to Xion, and then to Sora and Kairi during the Reunion.

Castaway - Lost or unclaimed person or thing; Person who is unwanted, not accepted; Thrown away; Abandoned

Out of all the characters, I think Riku's situation embodies most what it means to feel like a nobody. He gave up everything, including his own emotions [his heart], even his form, so that Sora could be happy, which he believes Sora will be, with Kairi. So he hides his own feelings for Sora, resolving instead to keep him safe. "He would live in darkness if that's what it took to wake Sora." Literal and proverbial darkness. [This is why, in the KG after everyone else dies, he reached out his hand, about to comfort Sora physically, but he decided against it. Instead, he protected him. I actually started bawling while writing this, thinking, Of course Riku would have a Nobody.]

Xehanort's heart was within Riku's body when his Nobody was created, like Ventus was within Sora when Roxas was created. So I think he looks exactly like Young Master Xehanort, but his skin, hair, and eyes are the same colour as Riku's. The body and soul he was made from however, are Riku's, and he would therefore identify with Riku. Even though I believe he looks just like YMX. This is why both Terra and Sora have had visions of Riku becoming young Xehanort and vice versa. Not Ansem, YMX specifically.

In DDD, YMX straight up told Riku that he wanted him as a vessel. So, in the added scene with Xemnas in KH1.5FM, I don't think he was comparing Sora to Roxas. He was comparing him to Riku's Nobody. Whom I believe he fought and attempted to recruit into the Organization, but failed. Sora was later their target as one of Xehanort's vessels, because, like YMX said, they moved down the list. Riku’s Nobody doesn’t have the air of hopelessness that Roxas did when he was created, because he knows that his “heart”, his purpose, is the same as his Somebody’s: protecting Sora.

In -Another Side, Another Story-, a heart appears around Roxas, seemingly at Riku's whim, creating a barrier between him and the Neoshadows. This is the same heart from his Dark Mode, the Heartless symbol without the X inside. This is the symbol used on his chess piece in KH3, and it's also Way to the Dawn's token. The symbol we most associate with Riku. Granted, you cant see the bottom three points, but you can tell its elongated at the bottom, and therefore must make the symbol. This isn't associated with Roxas, it's associated with Riku, so he must have made it appear.

In Deep Dive, this symbol also appears. In light, of all things. Riku made the symbol appear around Roxas, Sora's Nobody, and he made it appear here too, on... yellow-eyed "Sora".

"Even in the deepest darkness, a light always shines through." A connection.

Then there's the framing of this shot. The light. There's a similar shot in Yozora. [Almost looks like the bright white light of his heart]

He also sits at the Dark Margin, the shores of which touch that of the Destiny Islands. Even though hes a Nobody, rejected by the RoD and the RoL, he sits right in the center. Twilight and dawn, the middle road.

Riku was pretty down to chill at the Dark Margin in KH2 too, and this is where he and Sora saw the door to light.

Gotta stop here though cuz no more room for pics and I neeeeed them XD

#riku is the light #soriku endgame actually #soriku #kh3 spoilers #kh theories #rikus nobody

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master-sass-blast · 6 years

Text

The Greatest Pumpkin There Ever Was.

What? Early update?

Yes, so that it comes out on Halloween. Thus, the next fic will be out next Friday.

Also, NaNoWriMo starts tomorrow and I’m participating! I think I might have enough Piotr fics stockpiled to get me through, but if there’s an extra shitty one towards the end it’s because I didn’t and I had to write one while doing NaNo.

So, uh, yeah.

Summary: You carve pumpkins for the first time, first with the students at Xavier’s, then with the X-Force.

Pairings: Piotr Rasputin x Reader.

(highkey this is kinda shitty but IT MADE ME HAPPY SO SHUT UP)

(also please murder my askbox with headcanons ideas nothing would make me happier. no, i’m not kidding.)

“Okay, so --theoretically--how many pumpkins can I get?”

You’re standing in the middle of a pumpkin patch, eyeing the selection of giant orange gourds around you.

Granted, you’re there to get pumpkins for the students at Xavier’s --and for the X-Force, at Wade’s insistence--but you still want to carve as many pumpkins for yourself as possible.

Piotr, your boyfriend, simply crosses his arms over his chest and shakes his head. “We have to be able to fit them in car, myshka,” he says with a chuckle. “And we have to keep it affordable.”

“So, what, that’s like twenty? Thirty? Come on give me a number here.”

“And how, exactly, do you plan on carving thirty pumpkins?”

“With a knife. Duh.”

He laughs and shakes his head again. “You can have two to yourself.”

You gape. “Two? How am I supposed to enjoy myself with just two pumpkins?”

“Take it from someone who has done this before,” Piotr says as he picks up an absurdly large pumpkin with an equally absurd amount of ease. “It’s more work than you think.”

You fake-pout but start picking out pumpkins anyway. “I’m not entirely sure I believe you, but alright.”

As always, at Xavier’s, students come first.

White plastic folding tables are assembled en masse on the massive back lawn and covered with old newspapers. Garbage cans are lined with bags and set at the ends of every table. Seats are placed around the tables and pumpkins are set in front of each seat. Sharpie markers litter the table, and teachers are out in abundance to help the younger kids with the actual carving process.

You grin as you watch the kids scramble for a seat and start drawing faces on the surfaces of the gourds. “I gotta admit, this is pretty amazing.”

Piotr nods, briefly stopping his efforts in helping Sasha and Katya to grin up at you. “We take care of our kids here.”

“Have you ever carved a pumpkin before, Miss Y/N?” Timothy asks as he draws a fanged face onto the surface of his pumpkin with the utmost of concentration.

“I haven’t,” you admit. “This’ll be my first year doing it.”

“How have you not carved a pumpkin before? Everyone carves pumpkins.”

“Nyet,” Sasha pipes up as she and her sister work on their pumpkin together. “Western Halloween is banned back home.”

“Okay, but Miss Y/N is American. She didn’t grow up in one of the orphanages. She should’ve carved pumpkins before this.”

You purse your lips together as Piotr starts lecturing Timothy on politeness and diverse experiences. “My parents didn’t let me do stuff like this growing up.”

“Well, that’s dumb.” He looks up at you and grins. “You should do one with us!”

The other students cheer and start begging you to join them.

“I don’t know,” you say over the chorus of ‘please’s and ‘you should’s. “I’m supposed to help you guys...”

“Pumpkin time!” Timothy chants, banging his fists against the table. “Pumpkin time! Pumpkin time!”

Soon enough, the rest of the students are caught up in the excitement, pounding on the tables and making the spoons and knives with plastic orange handles skitter everywhere.

“Enough!” Piotr shouts, just loud enough to pierce through the din, when he has to dodge a knife that would’ve hit his face. “Calm down, please.” He smiles fondly at you, then says “I will get pumpkin for Miss Y/N.”

You can’t help but smile as the kids cheer as Piotr heads inside, then cheer louder when he reemerges with a pumpkin in tow. I love it here.

You’re in the middle of making yourself a sandwich when Wade sprints into the kitchen and slams a massive pumpkin on the counter.

“It’s pumpkin carving time!”

“We already did that, Douchepool,” Ellie deadpans from the next room over. “Two days ago.”

“Okay, but that was for the students!” Wade whines. “This is for team bonding!”

“I am not spending another hour to carve a fucking useless gourd that will rot to shit in two weeks.”

“Language, NTW,” Piotr admonishes as he lays old newspaper pieces on the table. “And you already agreed to do this.”

“We could do one together!” Yukio says, batting her eyelashes at her girlfriend until she relents.

“Fine.”

“Excellent! Glad we’re all settled! Now, we just need the stabbing implements!”

You nearly choke on your sandwich as Wade pulls out his katanas and sets them next to his pumpkin. “Are you serious?”

“They’re swords! They’re literally meant to slice things!”

“No,” Piotr interjects, frustration evident on his face. “Absolutely not. That would be incredibly dangerous!”

You lean back against the counter and continue eating your sandwich. This is gonna take a while.

Fifteen minutes later.

Pumpkins: Ready.

Sandwich: Gone.

Argument: Still going.

You lean in next to Ellie as you watch Piotr and Wade argue. “Chips on who’s winning?”

“Neena’s already bet on Wade,” Ellie says as she films the fight on her phone. “No one else is willing to go against her.”

You snort. “Fair enough.”

“Give me one good reason, Long John Silver, why I can’t use my katanas to carve my pumpkins! One!”

“It’s dangerous.”

“Newsflash! Knives are dangerous too! I’ve stabbed more than enough people to prove that!” Then, while your boyfriend’s distracted by trying to breathe through the aneurysm Wade’s undoubtedly giving him, Wade takes the opportunity to stab one of his katanas through a pumpkin, effectively claiming it as his. “Oh, would you look at that! You’re too late to stop me!”

Piotr visibly rolls his eyes and counts to ten, then points at Nathan. “If he hurts himself, you’re cleaning it up.”

Nathan smirks. “So, standard operating procedures, then.”

You grin as Piotr mutters something in Russian under his breath. “Isn’t it always?”

Halfway into the designing process you’re struck by an idea. A wonderful idea. A devious idea. A potentially horrible idea.

You wait until Piotr’s very intensely occupied by the process of working on the design for his own pumpkin --he’s still in the drawing stage, ever the perfectionist--then slip your phone out of your pocket.

You: If you can carve a dick into your pumpkin without Piotr noticing, I’ll buy you a pizza.

Bro: W da money i gave u, rite?

You: Do you want the pizza or not?

Bro: Hells yeah! Prepare 2 fork it over!!!

You stifle a giggle and slip your phone back into your pocket just as Piotr looks up. Oh, this is gonna be good.

Watching Wade continually escalate his methods of keeping Piotr --or just about anyone other than Nate--from seeing his pumpkin is one of the best things you’ve ever witnessed in your whole life.

He starts cornering himself off on the table, away from everyone else. He gives various excuses when asked about the sudden secrecy, ranging from his pumpkin being “shy” to him suddenly having developed an allergy to sharing close quarters with other people.

You can tell Piotr’s starting to get suspicious of Wade when the merc claims that his pumpkin --which he’s named Dick, not subtle at all, Wade--needs to remain unseen until the very end for very specific and obscure religious reasons, so you slip out your phone again.

You: Dude!!! You’re supposed to be doing this as a secret, not as a performance act!!!

Bro: Hey, u nvr said how i had 2 do this in da 1st place XP dont critik da master itz r00d.

You: You know no one texts like that anymore, right?

Bro: fuk u

In the end --somehow--Wade manages to avoid getting caught. You all carry your pumpkins outside to arrange them with the pumpkins carved by the students and pose for picture after picture with them.

Russel is declared the unanimous winner for his brilliant ‘skull-surrounded-by-flames’ design, which the teen absolutely does not --read as absolutely does--preen over.

“You did very excellent job with this,” Piotr praises the pyrokinetic adolescent. “The dimensions on the skull are very good; the flames look very realistic as well.”

“Mad Ghost Rider vibes, dude,” Wade adds. “So cool.”

As you head inside, your phone vibrates in your pocket.

Bro: U owe me a pizza!!!1!

You: Congrats, man. Piotr’s gonna kick your ass when he goes outside tomorrow and sees the LITERAL PENIS carved in a pumpkin.

Bro: >:O U trolled me!

You: Succkkkkkeeeerrrrrr.

Unfortunately for Wade, he doesn’t even get until tomorrow.

You’re snuggled up with Piotr on the rec room couch, admiring the pictures you’d taken earlier, when it happens.

He breaks off mid-sentence and stares at the screen of your phone. He blinks, does a double-take, and peers closer, almost disbelieving. His mouth pulls into a grimace and he growls, kisses the top of your head, and lurches off the couch. “Wade!”

You laugh --then outright cackle when you take a closer look at the picture and realize that you missed something earlier as well.

Sitting right next to Wade’s penis pumpkin, aimed directly at the camera, is a pumpkin with a hand flipping the bird and the words “Fuck the man” carved into it.

It’s Nathan’s pumpkin, no less.

You wipe tears away from your eyes and twist around on the couch so you can watch Piotr rant about appropriateness while Wade argues back and Nathan watches the merc with fondness in his eyes and a smirk on his lips.

It’s official. Pumpkin carving is the best.

#sass writes #piotr rasputin x reader #colossus x reader #piotr rasputin imagine #colossus imagine #nathan summers x wade wilson #cablepool #negasonic x yukio #ellie phimister x yukio #happy halloween everyone #i'm salty over the fact that i didn't get to carve a pumpkin this year #so salty #pure fluff #nothing but fluff #and a little fuckery #wade carves a penis on his pumpkin because you dare him to #x men fanfiction #deadpool fanfiction

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