#we allll know why i’m watching this again❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

[ruminate88]

Dealing with an emotional wound when it gets triggered:

11/22/24 (I’m not crazy! My experiences are valid)

My husband unknowingly triggered me today and it made me physically sick. I mean… 😢

We were driving and I was ordering food from the McDonald’s app … I always get car sick but I wasn’t even car sick till we actually got to McDonald’s.

As I’m ordering, my husband suddenly brings up the stress of money again (which I despise). Every time my husband stresses about money, he gets worked up and makes me feel bad. He’s normally a nice and gentle guy but he doesn’t understand that when he gets stressed and raises his voice, it triggers me 😢

It took me right back to when my ex Andrew would get overly angry/irritated towards me with stress and make me feel really bad about myself and nothing I would say positive to Andrew would change the situation or make him happy. It hurts you when someone you love is angry and taking it out on you!! I wonder if Andrew had wounds from childhood that was triggering him and I was just the closest person to him in the moment so that’s why he took his stress and anger out on me?? Idk ❤️‍🩹

but while my husband is stressing about money and getting worked up, I was allll in my head trying to NOT compare my husband to Andrew. I was doing ok but my husband just kept going and going…. Suddenly we get into the McDonald’s drive thru and BOOM nausea came over me… I felt like throwing up!!! I say to my husband “idk why all the sudden I’m nauseous” but my husband KEPT TALKING! Wow why didn’t he stop?? Sooo, I assertively said to him again, “wow I’m feeling so sick all of the sudden” HE STILL KEPT GOING 😔😨 that was when I started to get worked up

Wow that really upset me… I tell you I’m feeling sick and yet you ignore me and keep stressing at me. (I think my husband is just battling anxiety) but I felt like does my husband even care about me??? Is he just like Andrew ?? 😳🥺 it’s so unfair … I hate comparing my husband to Andrew all the time but it’s truly out of my control. Whenever we got home, I tried to sit still on the couch and calm myself down. My husband finally stopped talking about money and says to me “You were looking at your phone” and I asked him what does that mean and he says “in the car… you were looking down on your phone.” So I feel like that was his way of saying he thinks that’s why I got sick.

But when I went into the bathroom thinking I’m gonna be sick, I’m just trapped remembering how angry Andrew was with me, taking his stress out on me and treated me as I was stupid… then I felt like my husband was doing the same thing in the car and ugh ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 I cried cuz I don’t wanna experience ANYMORE abuse. I HATE stress but it happens. Life is full of stress. Nothing is my fault. I can’t fix anybody or take their stress or anxiety away 😝 I can’t take it personal. I don’t think my husband is toxic but idk I can never rest I watch his every move worried to repeat another bad relationship 😭

I actually had to just come to bed and take a nap. I hate this ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 I asked God to help me understand and heal this wound. I don’t have a name for it but it’s clearly an issue for me. Also, I don’t know what Andrew was experiencing when he would take things out on me but I forgive him because clearly he was having a hard time and I just happened to get the brunt of it 🥺 I loved Andrew but I can’t make anybody happy or healthy. Nothing was my fault. I did nothing wrong and I acknowledge I couldn’t help Andrew.