#way to make trans men feel like shit for transitioning/make trans women feel like they'll never be able to transition enough/

[synechd0che]

...

[ms-hells-bells]

It really upsets me seeing the "terfs are the reason why thus 16 y o trans girl got murdered" crowd because not only is that wrong but they don't actually care about suffering, murder and shit because if they did that wouldn't have celebrated how some of them reported Red Katherine to the homophobic Russian government for saying shit online....

Even when people die others usually care more about politics....and they tell us we're the ones tearing the community apart because we "vote" for homophobic and transphobic people....

Idk why the kid was murdered....but I will never condone even bullying of trans people because ik it's hard not fitting the expectations of the heteropatriarchy even if I have criticisms of the way they deal with it.

he was just a (probably gay) child going the mainstream approved way about things to cope, and he's died such an awful death, and before the police have even found the murder weapon, they're somehow blaming it on us. it's so....enraging. i feel like WE have more empathy about him than they do, because they're largely using him to fuel their victim and faux oppression complex. 'he could have been me, this is how we're killed'. making it about themselves. no, YOU are virtually never going to have two random teens stab you to death. even if it gets confirmed as a hate crime, the amount of hate crime murders against trans people in the uk is near non existent.

grown adult men and reality denying women are whipping this into a tangibly harmful political frenzy, they're telling gender iding kids 'THIS CAN HAPPEN TO YOU, YOU'RE IN DANGER, PEOPLE WANT TO MURDER YOU, THE WORLD HATES YOU, PEOPLE WHO DISAGREE WITH YOU WANT YOU TO BE STABBED TO DEATH'. imagine how psychologically damaging that must be to hear for teens who already get told that because they're trans, they're probably gonna attempt suicide at some point, and if they don't transition they'll die. no wonder they all have severe anxiety disorder.

[tetsunabouquet]

Active ways to Cultivate a Positive Body Image, the Self-Love Guide

A/N: Just saw one of my mutuals reblog a post like this but I quite disagree with it. So hereby I'll be sharing my tips as someone who's never been negative about their body but has went on a hollistic self-love journey. Mine will be split into two parts because my post got too long (PS, this is from a cis female perspective but the key to gaining confidence which I'll mention is actually something both men and women can do to improve their body image as well as some of my tips being also suitable for men, but I'll mention this key primarily in part 2. To trans people, this list will only be helpful to you if you've already transitioned and you're still feeling shit): Part 2 Don't be pro-selfie - Most people who are pro-selfie are very insecure people. Taking more photos won't change that, if anything, you'll be telling people you're insecure. (more on that later) No lingerie - Like being pro-selfie, most women I've seen who are huge fans of lingerie are insecure women trying to give themselves a confidence boost, or a boost to them feeling sexy. There's nothing wrong with a confidence boost, but relying on it to GIVE you confidence won't work. The moment your body starts aging and you're completely naked or you will need to wear normal underwear for a period of time like when you just gave birth, seeing yourself without the lingerie and the way your body has taken a hit can very well lead to your insecurities to return. Or worse, they'll become even more bad then they already were. Think of confidence boosts like an energy boosts, if you drink energy drinks it boosts your current energy but the moment you stop consumning energy drinks all the time your energy level will return to normal. I'm not taking away from that it can be empowering or sexy (I love silky babydoll-like night dresses), but it won't permanently change the way you view your body at all and wearing it for this reason is only a temporary fix. There are always exceptions to every rule, but substituting a confidence boost for real confidence usually doesn't works out. Follow people who debunk Instagram pictures - I'm talking about YouTubers like Stephanie Lange, who talks about the angles in which women contort their bodies to look better and celebrities alleged plastic surgery journeys. If media makes you insecure, just search for someone to debunk that shit and point out all the photoshop (for the men out there, even male celebrities get photoshopped, try to look for these instances).

Wear things that are comfortable but look nice too - Discomfort doesn't breeds confidence, it only breeds grumpiness and red itchy spots that aren't attractive at all. So think twice when you know your skin is sensitive and that sleeveless sequin top is glimmering prettily in a clothing store. Practical clothes that also look amazing are a girl's best friend if you ask me. Identify why you feel insecure - This is a bit of an armchair psychology moment, but to actually fix an issue, you have to get to the root of things. It won't make you feel comfortable, but not adressing the root of your negative body image will only ensure you're running away from the problem you have with yourself.

[uncle-fruity]

As another trans guy in his 30s, I want to stress to y'all that this is your decision to make, your life to live. No one else will have to live with your choices as much as you. No one will have to suffer the consequences or experience the absolute joy of your choices as much as you. There are difficulties, to be sure. And there are beautiful, precious, invaluable moments of self-actualization. You get to decide for yourself what kind of gender expression you want to have and to what extent you want to transition. And, seriously? If anyone tries to tell you that you're too stupid, too young, too naïve, too old, too feminine, too mentally ill, too loud, too selfish, or generally "too much" of anything to make your own gender choices, they are in the wrong. You decide what's right for you. You decide what's good for you. If the people around you don't like it, they can die mad. If they refuse to learn & grow & treat you with basic respect, it's okay to drop those people or put them at an arm's length in favor of spending time with different people who support & respect you.

It is hard being a teenager. It's hard being in your 20s. Things didn't start stabilizing for me until my late 20s into my early 30s (I'm still at it, but much better off than I was even 5 years ago). The only wrong time to transition is if you are personally not ready to do it -- and that is totally okay. I took a couple of years thinking about whether I wanted HRT or not. I took time to consider all the effects & whether I would be likely to regret any of the permanent changes made on T. And while I had some concerns, I went through with it and it changed my life for the better, all things considered. I regret nothing, but I'm glad I took time to think it through. Take as much or as little time as you need; transitioning is never off the table, if that's what you want to do.

I also wanted to put down just one last important point. If you're online a lot and the majority of your exposure to queer spaces are online queer spaces, you might feel like there is no community out there for queer men. There are a lot of trans men who experience isolation and ostracization from the queer community because of how masculinity is stigmatized and devalued. It's hard - like, emotionally hard - seeing everyone and their sister say shit like, "all men are trash." You are not trash. You are not a gender traitor. But I want you to know that there are people who care about you out there! Not just other trans guys or masculine queer folks, but all types of people in the community. You do not have to shut up and sit down to make yourself more palatable to people. The queer community includes you. The gatekeepers hate it, and they'll do their best to make you feel like you're alone, or like you're a problem, but you are not! Just like any situation where you have to make friends, it can take some effort to find your people. But I assure you that your people are out there. Queer groups that don't turn on you the moment you start HRT. Trans women who are kind and supportive and who can relate to you (and you to them). Cis people, both queer and not queer, who will validate you and celebrate your gender journey. Other trans guys who want to help you any way they can. Compassion and friendship and solidarity absolutely exists for us. Please try not to go down doom spirals, feeling like everyone will abandon you once you transition. Usually, there are people who will let you down, people who will lift you up, and people who need a little time to come around. Do not let anyone convince you that being trans is a curse, or that being a trans man is a social curse. Yes, there are problems of exclusion, erasure, and ridicule in many places (especially - and I cannot stress this enough - especially online), but that is not reflective of the entire queer community, and you have more friends/friends-in-waiting than you think. I guess what I mean is: stay strong, speak your truth, live your truth, and find the people who love you for it.

if you are a trans boy, especially a teenage trans boy, i wanted to say that as a trans man in their 30's, you have my deepest respects and condolences for what you may be going through right now.

it has become socially acceptable and basically online custom to bully teenage trans boys & mascs, call them cringy, or excuse misgendering them for whatever reason. people put trans boys on this pedestal of "must perform masculinity and manhood to cartoonish degrees" even though they're still children.

people make trans boys fight for their manhood before they can even be boys. i am sorry people can be so judgmental and harsh on you. you are not wrong for wanting to be a boy. you are experiencing something wonderful. it's okay if you still want to be a boy even if people have treated you poorly, or tried to make you feel bad for being a boy. there is nothing wrong with being a boy.

it's okay if you never socially transition. it's okay if you're afraid to come out because it's not safe. it's okay if you never change your outward appearance. it's okay if you try very hard to pass but struggle to. it's okay if you wear "women's" clothing and shoes, bras, makeup, etc., it's okay if you're gay and love other men. it's okay if you're scared of hrt. it's okay if you don't want surgery. it's okay if you mainly occupy girl's spaces still. people will find every reason to pick these things apart and ridicule trans boys for, but they are all perfectly fine experiences that do not make you any less of a boy. you are the one who is in control of your transition, presentation, and state of being- you should be able to prioritize your safety over the comfort of random strangers who have no impact over how you live your life.

i've been put through this too, but later in life as i came out when i was an adult. people still try to make me feel bad for identifying as a trans man, for whatever reason they have in their head to justify hatred of a trans person. i've had enough. there will never be an excuse for how people try to excuse the infantilization and abuse that trans men and trans boys face.

take care of yourselves, no matter what age you are, if you are a trans boy, man, or masc you deserve to know that other trans men care about you, especially when people are scrambling to find ways to punch down on you. there are people who suck, but there are also a lot of people who care about you. keep your chin up. you know who you are

[backmaskedliedermacher]

Gatekeeping

When I was young, one of the main reasons I didn't transition was due to what trans women now often call "gatekeeping". You couldn't just say, in those days, "Hi, I am a trans woman, I would like a estrogen", like I wound up doing in 2019. You had to prove to people that you were really who you said you were, not just once, but over and over again. You couldn't just wear jeans. You couldn't go a couple of days without shaving. You couldn't just not want to have risky, invasive surgery. You couldn't be attracted to women. There were all these things we had to do in order to satisfy men's standards.

It was stupid and it was fucked up and when I was able to transition, it was because I didn't have to meet those bullshit standards anymore. I can wear jeans and be a dyke and not have surgery and not shave every day and still be a woman, and I love it. I love being a woman. I am what you might call your average gender enjoyer.

I look back, now, at the land where I used to live, the land of Cis Men, and it confuses me. I don't see a lot of average gender enjoyers. And I want to be respectful, I don't want to offend anyone, but sometimes I really feel like asking some of them "Bro, do you even enjoy being a man?"

Part of this is, well, selection bias, I think. See, trans women who are into guys, there's this problem we keep running into when we date cis men. We'll find this cute guy, we're into him, he's into us, we start going out, and then one day they come to us anguished and say "I think I might be a girl".

I don't really want to even talk about this, because first off, it's breaking kayfabe, there's this really really strong principle we have that when we're dealing with cis people, we go out of our way to avoid saying or doing anything to suggest that they might be anything other than cis. Not really because if we do, people will accuse of "grooming". People are gonna do that in any event, it's straight out DARVO. The conservatives and religious folks accuse us of the things they're doing to try and distract people, and I guess a lot of the time it works.

Nah, the reason I avoid doing this so much is because it doesn't work. People gotta figure this shit out for themselves, and when someone's repressing, a lot of times they're hypervigilant, they push back hard against any suggestion that they might not be who they're presenting themselves as. I know I was that way, in the Before Time. I built up all these defenses against questioning, against doing things that on a rational level are… honestly pretty innocuous. I mean, seriously, God forbid somebody wear a skirt in public. You know?

On top of that… Most cis guys already have this fucked up prejudice about not dating us. It's founded in nothing. Cis guys don't know we're trans and it's fine. That's why they're so afraid of finding out, because it is fine. Not telling them we're trans isn't "tricking" them, we're just not giving the opportunity to make a big fucking deal about something that isn't, in fact, a big fucking deal. Which some Totally OK men respond to by making a big show of talking about how they'd kill us if they ever found out we were trans. Because that's not some fucked up bullshit or anything.

Anyway, if cis guys find out that most of the guys who date us aren't, in fact, cis guys, God, none of them will ever fucking date us. They'll be like "oh my god it's CONTAGIOUS, if I date a woman and she turns out to be trans THAT MEANS I'M TRANS!!!!!" Like, uh, no, congratulations, you got your causation entirely backwards. Good job completely fucking missing the point.

So anyway, yeah, my sample is pretty clearly biased, cis men exist, I get suspicious of things I really shouldn't, and yet… I don't feel like the only people who gatekept my gender presentation were the transmed doctors. I look at what's expected of cis men and they are so fucking gatekept. I mean, no wonder so many of them look so miserable. No wonder so few of them seem to be Average Gender Enjoyers. What, honestly, are they allowed to enjoy?

And again, it's this whole self-fulfilling prophecy. I try to be against Toxic Masculinity, I say "Wearing a skirt doesn't make you a trans woman", I put on a skirt to prove it… well, shit. That didn't work out like I expected. I mean the stigma against defying the gatekeepers is so strong that the only people who will do it, it feels like, are people like me, people for whom the decision was pretty much Transition Or Death. Oh, you know what? I think I will have the cake after all, Suzy, it looks lovely.

Like maybe we should set the bar a little lower? Maybe people shouldn't have to agonize for years and feel like they're going against the Natural Order of God And Man to put on a goddamn dress? Yeah, I know, I'm really corrupting the fucking morals of the youth of Athens, daring to suggest such a thing. But maybe, just maybe, if it was normal for boys to wear dresses to school, not everybody who wore a dress would feel like they had to transition.

Or I guess the other alternative is that there's no such thing as cis men, and that if you let men wear dresses, we're all going to start taking hormones and transition and the human race will die out. Frankly I'd find that to be a preferable alternative, at this point. I'm just sick and tired of looking at these pathetic, sad-eyed men trying to convince themselves they're "alpha males" and blaming us when we don't fall for some pathetic sham foisted on them by some asshole guy who's out there trying to rip them off.

You know, man, woman, non-binary, agender, what-the-fuck-ever, I don't care, but if you're going to be something, for God's sake, at least try to enjoy it. Because if you're not enjoying it, why the fuck are you doing it at all?

[thatspookyagent]

Honestly idk if this is a hot take but I really fucking wish that white women and white fem people would just fucking, shut up about black and brown masculinity and gender. Not even if you're trans yourself. I'm fucking tired of white women trying their best to fucking erase us and treat us like threats when transmasc and masc aligning trans people of color in this community are already so damn invisible and vulnerable.

No. You're right and you should say it.

I was going to make a post about this soon but too many white women (and white trans folks who aren't trans masc) are WAAAYYY too fucking comfortable sharing and spreading the belief that masc folks are inherently violent and aggressive.

I've talked about it before here but queer POC are left out of conversations way too many times. And a perfect example of that is when white trans folks don't bring up the fact that calling trans men and trans mascs violent, is inherently racist. And the idea that once a trans masc person transitions to present more masculine, they'll get more aggressive, is straight up racist and effects trans masc people of color WAY more than it EVER would white trans mascs.

Too many white trans masc folks AREN'T pointing that out and too many white women, especially CIS white women, are perpetuating that belief. I'm gonna need white trans mascs to step up and start calling that shit out when they see it and white non trans masc folks to shut up and sit down for once. Whether they be a white transfem, unaligned, etc. White privilege doesn't cease to exist just because you're trans. You're white first before anything. Yes, even before your trans identity despite that most likely being something you prioritize personally, but in society and systematically, THAT. COMES. FIRST.

Racism is inherently linked to transphobia and trans folks of color have to worry about two forms of oppression that often come hand to hand. Not only that, but they're deeply ingrained in our society and run deep in about every system out there. And as I've said before, racism can kill. Transphobia can kill. And I've talked about here about how trans people of color are hurt systematically by both racism and transphobia simultaneously.

I can only speak on the fact that Black men are inherently seen as hypermasculine and as threats to and by society, and both beliefs are often forced on us and highly perpetuated by cis white women. They are the ones who push the frail white woman narrative and that Black men are their main oppressors who are inherently out to get them. It's a shroud for them to hide behind in order to protect them from criticism whenever their racism is called out front and center.

It's about time that folks start recognizing that the trans masc label doesn't equal white and to stop equating it as such. Trans mascs of color are here. Listen to us. Include us in queer conversations, especially trans masc ones, and ones centered around racism. We're almost never talked about or considered and that HAS to change or else the only progress that will be made for the trans masc community is going to be progress that will mostly and only, ultimately support/benefit the white members of the community in the long run.

[White (trans and cis) folks feel free to reblog this but don't derail (even via tags), trans masc POC however feel free to add onto this with either statistics, articles, other kinds non white experiences that aren't Black ones, more information about what I've already talked about, or personal life stories!]