#wattpad keeps flagging th coevr :(((

[garlic-the-gnome]

Bite The Throat

Strange Aeons LotR crackfic

Twas the year 2015 and Frodo “The Skull” Baggins was in the bathroom dying his hair to be eboney black. After his parents had died in a beetroot farming accident he’d gone goth. Sadness and death were his new parents. Frodo was currently wearing a black nightgown draped over his shoulders so he didn’t dye his skin. He flicked his wet dye soaked hair off his forehead as the bathroom door opened. 

In walked his boyfriend Sam the Killer. Sam was 4 feet tall and wearing black skinny jeans, a MCR band shirt with the sleeves cut off over a long sleeve black mesh shirt. Many gothic tattoos could be seen through the mesh but the most eye-catching was Sam’s teardrop tattoo underneath his eye.

Hey Babey, said Sam. They pashed passionantley. Gloopy dye smushing into Sam. The Skull pulled away from Sam’s embrace, his dark orbs penetrating into his sole with sadness and despair. I need ta wash this shit out first, sorry babette, The Skull dropped his silk lace black nightgown to the ground and stepped into his ice cold shower, but his soul was colder. Sam’s eyes eyed The Skull’s shredded torso as he bathed underneath the stream of water. The Skull had a massive tattoo covering his back, it was like angel wings but instead of feather it was bones (authors note: pretty goff right).

Once The Skull’s hair was pitch blak and clean they began passionantye making out again. They went to their gothic bedroom with had dark purple walls covered in goff band posters and a black lacey blanket and a black shaggy carpet in the shape of a skull. They went on the bed and did you know what (an: im not a perv okay!!!!)

The next morning they awoke to a loud knocking outside their bedroom. They hastily pulled the quilt up to cover their bodies, their small heads peaking out of the top of the bed.

In walked Strange. Strange was also a hobbit who was gothic. She had met The Skull and Sam at an goth band concert that was held in The Shire. Strange has short gothic hair and a skull chain around her neck and big boots that made her taller than the other hobbits. Gandalf was also there, towering over Strange. He was no longer known as Gandalf the Grey but Gandalf the goth. He had a long balk robe with a slit up the side showing off his pale with smooth skin, covered in satanic symbols. His big hat was now replaced with an emo beanie and his long fringe poked out of it covering one of his eyes. 

Get up losers, he yelled at The Skul and Sam. The two jumped out of bed, exposing themselves to Strange and Gandalf whose eyes were offended by the ripped hobbit that was The Skull. The naked hobbits were soon clothed in the closest cool clothes.

The all sat down for first breakfast at the table. Gandalf explained while sipping on a goblet of blood that they needed to travel across middle earth and defeet the head prep, Golum, who’d been gathering an army of preps and posers to take down the goffic haven of The Shire. As they ate their black pancakes and blackberries they agreeded with Gandalf and the four woud travel to go defeat Golum and his army.

They packed their favourite band shirts, some drugs and their mp3 player and left the shire with their satchels covered in gothic patches. The other hobbits made pentagons with the hands and flipped them off as they left the Shire.

@strange-aeons