#waterboarding via blood ?

[cameragore]

@untouchablebygod

Whumper collects whumpee's sweat and tears, and then waterboards them in it

Ouch, all that salt and bacteria is going to buuurn!

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]

ways/methods to torture your fictional character in a medical setting

♡♡♡ for writers to use as an inspiration for their novels/fanfictions only, I’m not a psychopath ♡♡♡

medical whump never fails to give me all the best whumperflies!

trigger warnings: description of abuse, dehumanization, nonsexual nudity and blood

physical restraints (chains, handcuffs, straightjacket, strapping them down to the bed by their wrists and ankles, etc)

I should just mention that straightjacket is one of my personal favorites

electroconvulsive therapy aka shock therapy

force feeding (via a plastic tube through their nose or mouth into their stomach)

shock collar

being forcefully shoved and held down to the ground, cheek against the cold floor

ice pick lobotomy

character getting stripped against their will

strong jets of water assaulting the character’s skin through a hose as a way to clean them

rough handling from the orderlies results in the character getting bruises all over their skin

waterboarding

getting their nails trimmed so they can’t hurt themself or others

character getting put into a hospital gown against their will is so underrated, actually

intubation against the character’s will — bonus if the character is still somewhat conscious

doses of anesthetic into the character’s bloodstream via an injection or through an iv drip to render them unconscious so that they can’t hurt themself or others

when the character is so drugged out of their mind that they’re too groggy to fight or struggle as things are being done to them; they’re half conscious still, they just can’t fight, even though they’re not restrained physically

blood draws — bonus if it gots to the point the character feels dizzy, cold and generally disoriented from losing too much blood

vivisection :)

[ombrathefurry]

general bad things sf HAS been through (many of these multiple times):

cut or stabbed with every sharp object imaginable (kitchen knives, combat knives, surgical knives, other types of blades like xacto knives or razors, pins and needles, scythes, swords, scissors, saws, claws, teeth, axes, even a sharp disc)

burned in many different ways (burned with fire, almost burned to death, essentially boiled, branded, acid burned, burned by lava/molten material being dripped onto him, electricity burns, burned with wire wrapped around him)

electrocuted

drowned (in blood as well as water)

eaten/mauled (including being cannibalised)

forcefed

forced self cannibalism

whipped

hung

trapped (mostly in snares though)

shot (with bullets and arrows)

strangled/deliberately asphyxiated

broken many bones both deliberately and unintentionally

dislocated bones

beaten/blunt force trauma to the point where he's bruised through scar tissue

beaten up in general (as opposed to being intentionally tortured)

caged

scarified (people have played tic tac toe on him, and also have made drawings with symbols and other etchings that would bring him further harm for more complicated reasons)

poisoned (as well as venom)

severed tendons (mostly in legs)

muted (via severing vocal chords or mutilating his tongue or both)

crushed

hunted down

bounty hunted

starved

concussed multiple times

declawed/ripped claws out (both intentionally and unintentionally)

forced isolation/solitary confinement

drugged

medical malpractice

mock slaughtered/butchered

tooth damage/removal

used as target practice

had his wrists and throat slit more times than one could count (his throat is now physically malformed because of this+the fact it was an entrance wound for electricity burns)

had his throat actually collapsed

pinched nerves

blinded

thrown from great heights

threatened as a means of leverage against loved ones

turned into a fullbody glass mosaic by having shards of broken glass pressed into his skin

tortured

tortured on tables

tortured restrained on tables

tortured while being hung

torture devices

waterboarded

crucified (at the same time he was waterboarded)

mock executed

skinned (it was put back on)

disembowelled

On top of this, he has also:

witnessed I believe 3 different people he cares about be decapitated

been tortured/beaten more because he was being too loud

been tortured/beaten more because he wasn't being loud enough

been tortured/beaten for crying while being tortured/beaten (and has even had measures placed to make crying temporarily painful)

had his life on the line for literal games against his will

been tortured for both losing and winning said games

been told "dare or die" more times than countable and has been forced to do dangerous things this way

been shot in the eye (his blind one) (on a scratch roleplay) (I dont know how they didnt get banned that wasn't the only thing they did to him)

had the skin on the inside of his ears torn out

pinned his own tendons back together with a safety pin so he could move to help his friend who was being tortured

been tortured by people he trusted to avoid being killed instead

been tortured by impersonations of people he trusts/loves

been forced to hurt people he cares about

witnessed many people he cares about being tortured and beaten

had death parties organized so significant multiples of the characters who want to hurt or kill him got together to torture him all at once (these have since been publicly discontinued I believe)

killed multiple people out of self defense

felt the sensation of being torn in half (it didn't actually happen, but he experienced what it would have felt like)

had his throat torn open with a literal cheese grater (?????????)

been trapped in a cave as a captive and periodically tortured by an organized rotating cast of tormentors

been restrained during a thunderstorm and forced to listen to the weather (thunderstorms upset him severely because one character who has tormented him extremely badly is associated with them)

been conditioned to interpret (extremely) gentle touches as hostility

been conditioned that he is a subject for torturing and not his own person with rights to feelings and life (though he has since recovered from this)

been conditioned not to fight back or resist (though he is often able to overcome this conditioning, but with the price of developing an irrational anxiety that it WILL backfire no matter what)

Okay I did my best here I'm missing a lot of details but this is a huge summary that I will update if I think of more

i dont know if ive ever revealed publicly the extent of which SF has been traumatized but hopefully this gives you an idea (and this is only the (mostly) physical stuff)

[ao3feed-brucewayne]

Look Alive

by Muddell Jason rides in the back with Tim, ignoring the penetrating, black stare Batman keeps trained on them through the rearview mirror. “Watch the road, B,” Jason hisses as cars honk and they very nearly avoid a street sign collision. “Is he okay?” Batman asks in response. “Fine,” Tim says. Jason holds a hand up in a wavering so-so gesture. “He’s conscious.” Batman guns it. Or, Tim is having a bad night, and that becomes Jason's problem Words: 3212, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English Fandoms: Batman - All Media Types, DC Extended Universe Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: Gen Characters: Tim Drake, Jason Todd, Bruce Wayne, Alfred Pennyworth Relationships: Tim Drake & Jason Todd, Tim Drake & Bruce Wayne, Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne, Tim Drake & Alfred Pennyworth Additional Tags: Kidnapping, Torture, Hurt/Comfort, Brothers, Protectiveness, Protective Siblings, Waterboarding, Blood and Injury, Protective Jason Todd, Good Sibling Jason Todd, Tim Drake-centric, Tim Drake Needs a Hug, Hurt Tim Drake, Tim Drake is Not Okay, Angst, Good Parent Bruce Wayne, Alfred Pennyworth is the Best, One Shot, Cuddling & Snuggling, Platonic Relationships, Batfamily (DCU) Feels via https://ift.tt/QHanD0K

[illumwriting]

Undesirable // Untouchable Posted on AO3 with bonus notes ^.^ https://archiveofourown.org/works/57971263

Tumblr is horrid and has a word cap now and won't let me post the fic here.

Warnings/Tags: Rape/Non-Con, Mutilation, Mind Break, fem!Parvis, Anal Sex, depictions of self-harm via blood magic, Magic Used For Sex, Blood Magic, Waterboarding but using blood Word Count: 5,924

Excerpt:

Those thoughts usually came when she was in the altar room after filling up her orb, light-headed from the lack of blood, and swearing she could feel the residuals of Ridge's presence there. She would slump against the altar, breathe in deep the iron tang and catch a whiff of Ridge, a molten lava lake, the heat on a summer day. Push herself up onto the edge of it, teetering on the rim of the bowl that was full of her life. She'd clutch her knife with whitened knuckles, pretending Ridge's firm grip was there as she rested it against her throat, slid her free and tacky with crimson hand down her jeans and into her cunt. She rocked up against her hand, heel pressed firm to her clit as she gasped, the soft bite of the blade keeping her just lucid enough to stay sitting and not tip backwards into the altar. There was no way it would do anything but soak her in blood if she did fall, but it always felt like there was a yawning chasm behind her like this, ready to swallow her up.

Like Ridge might.

[kentuckycaverats]

🍉🍆🍰🍹🍟 for Del!!!

🍉- any jewelry that they always wear/refuse to part with?

she never takes off her signature spiked choker or the necklace with a vial of fiance tara's vitae (le sang de l'amour blood sorcery ritual). and she has an enchanted necklace from some fae allies that lets her see glamour and communicate briefly with her estranged fae soul, aelsidhe! she can't wear that one regularly but it never leaves her possession. once she and aelsidhe are reunited she'll give that necklace to tara so she can see del(sidhe)'s fae mien 🍆 - favorite form(s) of affection, physical or otherwise

most people fall within the "if you even think about touching me prepare to meet an agonizing demise" camp, but loved ones have Approved Hugging Privileges. she'll still roll her eyes the whole time, but she's bluffing and they know it.

feeding is a big affection/intimacy thing for her too - she has the unbondable merit and as a thin-blood her vitae isn't potent enough to bond others, so she's doubly immune to blood bonds but still incredibly selective about who she feeds and feeds from: just the coterie, tara, and a few (exactly 2) close friends/allies.

tara has also unlocked secret bonus displays of affection, including del's love for being little spoon, having her hair played with, and pet names

🍰 - something they consider unforgivable

the murder of her mortal sister by her sire, and not one but two (2) of bestie mitra's exes abusing him via the blood bond. to be fair though, there's very little she considers forgivable. girl's a licensed certified card-carrying professional grudge-holder

🍹- a funny anecdote on completely separate occasions three different malkavians, including known ancient baali methuselah petaniqua, have been like "hey girl i know this is rich coming from me, but are you aware that you're insane." and they're right

🍟 - admitted guilty pleasure vs. actual guilty pleasure

admitted guilty pleasure: listening to anime music

"you couldn't waterboard this out of me" guilty pleasure: owner and frequent at-home-where-no-one-can-see wearer of a pastel purple snuggie

[theshippirate22]

OD part 3 love y’all

The statements typed up and placed in a manila file to be looked over on a pair of official Willablues investigators’ desks included the following highlights:

Hunter Stevens Willablues- Case 39202948

Evidence relevant to case:

-Urine toxicology screen results: Positive for opiates (Approx. 80 mg)

-Blood toxicology screen results: Positive for opiates (Approx. 80 mg)

-Saliva toxicology screen results: Positive for opiates (Approx. 80 mg)

-Vomit sample toxicology screen results: Positive for opiates (Approx. 100 mg)

-Monster Energy drink can containing Stevens' DNA: Positive for opiates (Concentration unknown)

-Premier Protein shake bottle containing Stevens' DNA: Positive for opiates (Approx. 110 mg)

-Hair toxicology screen results: No recognizable or significant previous metabolism of opiates, oxycodone, or morphine derivatives

Interrogation of Eliza Stevens:

Do you have any reason to believe Hunter may be addicted to opioids?

ES: Absolutely not. If he was, I would know about it.

Arguably most addicts would try to hide their issue, especially if it would directly endanger their job. What makes Hunter any different?

ES: You don't get it. Our dad was an addict. Broke his hand in a car door when we were teenagers and started popping Vicodin like candy. It made him absolutely insufferable, and he was so horrible to Hunter. He'll do anything to not be like Dad. If Hunter had a problem, he would tell me. He would want help. He would be scared.

Interrogation of DeLyn Lexie:

Do you have any reason to believe Hunter may be addicted to opioids?

DL: No! See... he's weird. About pills. He... his best friend died by suicide via overdose. It... f***ed him up pretty good. He's really, really careful, and just generally bizarre about pills. If he had an addiction, it wouldn't be to that. And if he had addiction at all, we would know about it. He tells me when he has sex, for God's sake! And rates how good it was! He tells me things that couldn't be waterboarded out of me. He would say something, even as a joke.

Has he expressed suicidal ideation in the past?

DL: What, you think he's trying to copy Amber? I mean, what do you want me to say? He's mentally ill, sure, but again, f***ing weird about pills. If he was going to kill himself, he would've done something more creative and less uncomfortable for him.

Would you say Hunter is well liked?

DL: I don't really know. I like him, but I've always had sort of a crush on him, so I don't know if my opinion is worth anything. None of my friends like him.

Interrogation of Michelle “Missy” Schwartz:

Do you have any reason to believe Hunter may be addicted to opioids?

MS: God no! He's not that type. That's just... I can't even get Hunter to take Tylenol when he has a migraine! I keep his Adderall in my bag to give to him because he's afraid of having it around and accidentally double-dosing! Look at this!

~Upon removing one prescription bottle addressed to Hunter Stevens for Dextroamphetamine/Amphetamine Salt Extended Release 20 mg tablets from her bag~

MS: I've got it right here! He doesn't like keeping pills on him at all! Hell, I had to fight him for months after Amber to count anything other than Aspirin, and that was still pulling teeth! He hates pills! And he especially wouldn't be able to stand anything he knew he could overdose on, especially opioids.

Would you have any reason to believe Hunter was following one Amber Roberts' behavior in efforts to harm himself?

MS: What?! You think it was a suicide attempt? No, no, no, no, no. He wouldn't do that, because he would think that I would get in trouble for it. How would it look for me if another one of my techs died by overdose suicide? He wouldn't f*** me over like that.

Would you say Hunter is well liked?

MS: Clearly, you've never met him. You don't really... go around liking him. It's more like, you hate him for a long time and then eventually one day you'd die for him and you love him more than your own siblings. It's... He's... difficult.

Interrogation of Erica Shah:

Would you have any reason to believe Hunter was following one Amber Roberts' behavior in efforts to harm himself?

ES: Oh, no. After Amber, he was very angry. Not at her, just about everything. He would say that suicide was stupid. That Amber solved a temporary problem for herself by creating a bigger permanent problem for everyone else. It was one of his principles.

He could’ve changed his mind.

ES: Hunter? Never. He would rather make a fool of himself defending something stupid than admit he was wrong.

Would you say Hunter was well liked?

ES: *laughing* We love Hunter because we know him. Not many other people do.

Love him or know him?

ES: Both.

Interrogation of Elijah Hansen:

Do you have any reason to believe Hunter may be addicted to opioids?

EH: No, I never would’ve guessed. I mean, Hunter has a bad habit of telling people things he probably shouldn’t.

But he never said anything about taking opioids?

EH: Not that I can remember.

Would you say Hunter was well liked?

EH: Yeah, of course! He’s funny, he’s generally helpful. He’s everybody’s favorite.

Buchanan dragged his hand down his face. “What do you think?”

Davison looked over the pages a final time. “I think Stevens is a dick, and he’s definitely got some problems, but an opioid addiction isn’t one of them.”

“So how’d he end up with enough hydrocodone in his drinks to kill him?” He meant it rhetorically and Davison took it as such. He tucked everything back into the folder and decided, “We’ll stop by tomorrow morning to give Mrs…”

“Schwartz.”

“Schwartz, right, the all clear for him to return as soon as he’s physician cleared.”

Truth be told, Hunter didn’t feel all that shitty. The whole affair had had the same effect on him as what he imagined happened when he shut his phone completely off and restarted it.

Which was a good thing, given that he was in an elevator with Lyn, who had gone nearly a whole 36 hours without talking to him and was meticulously relaying to him every single thought that had occurred to her in the time they’d been apart.

He didn’t mind, not really. The sound of her endless yapping was familiar and endearing and proved that even though everything felt fucking weird, one thing would always be the same. Lyn was consistent. And loud.

She was explaining the plot of the episode of her show she’d watched the night before when the doors parted and he was met with a smirking Eliza who knew exactly what was happening.

“Next time you plan on having a medical emergency, do you think you could give me a heads up? I’ll request time off.”

“I’m feeling fine, thanks for asking.” He let her look over him and kiss his forehead, before lowering his voice to ask “Did you talk to the cops?”

“And the Willablues investigators and the Willablues corporate lawyers and some newspaper, I don’t even remember which one.”

“And you too?” He asked Lyn.

“Me and everybody else. Even Heather and Livy.”

He set his jaw, trying very hard not to look as worried as he felt.

“Don’t worry about it,” Eliza mumbled pointlessly. “It’ll be fine. Everyone knows you’re not an addict. Missy will look out for you.”

“Yeah…” He didn’t sound at all convinced.

"She's right," Lyn continued. "Besides, you've got much bigger problems right now."

"What could possibly be-"

"HUNTER!"

"Oh, God." Hunter had just enough time to brace himself before Erica yanked him into a hug. She smothered him in against her, then flung him out at arm's length to examine him and then pulled him right back out. "I'm okay, Kiki," He mumbled, although it came out all muffled against her shoulder.

"You're stupid," She accused, cradling his face. "You need to be looked after."

"I really did argue on your behalf," Lyn insisted.

"She did," Eliza laughed. "It was a valiant effort."

"What's happening?"

"She thinks you're going to die if you go home by yourself, and neither of us can really look after you, so... you're going home with Erica."

"Oh, Kiki, no!" Hunter scrubbed his face. "I'm really okay. You don't need to-"

"Shut up. You're coming."

"What about your kids?"

She rolled her eyes with all the exaggeration of a long-suffering mother. "It will do them good. You can teach them some respect and I can teach them to not need me. You're my kid now."

He laughed, clearly coming to terms with the fact that the battle had been lost. "Yeah, okay."

"Look," Erica told the girls. "He's already better."

Eliza hugged him again and half-sang "Have fun!"

Lyn hugged him too, to which he made a face. "Why do you smell like vomit?"

"It's your vomit, asshole."

"Come on, Kiki. Clearly, she needs your help more than I do."

Erica cocked an eyebrow and pointed at Lyn. "Take a shower."

"Yes ma'am." She smirked.

Erica took Hunter by the hand and started to drag him out toward the automatic doors to the parking lot. He looked back at Lyn and Eliza and sort of waved.

They both waved back. "He's going to hate that whole thing, isn't he?"

Eliza tipped her head. "He'll say he does, but... Actually, he'll just be so thrilled someone's gonna cook for him."

"He's easy to please," Lyn agreed, laughing fondly.

Hunter leaned over the counter. That was weird too. He was used to being on the other side.

"You look better," Caleb said, filing away the just-reviewed prescriptions tucked in bins next to Lee's computer.

"What, cause I'm not choking on my own tongue?" He smirked.

"It was super ungraceful. You're brave to show your face around here again."

Hunter laughed, but sort of trailed off into solemnity. "I, uh... I don't know if anyone told you."

Caleb set the now empty bin back on the counter and came to lean across from him so they could properly talk.

"From the tox screen, they, uh... well, there was so much in my system, they said if you guys had waited for the EMTs to give me Narcan, my chance of survival would've been less that 20%."

Caleb's eyebrows shot up, nearly touching the single gold curl that hung down near his glasses. "What?"

"Yeah, uh..." Hunter swallowed. "You saved my life."

The words washed over them both and there was something needlessly intense about it.

"So, thanks, or whatever."

"Yeah, of course," Caleb mumbled absently. Lee pushed another bin of packaged prescriptions toward him and he straightened up to file those too. He only got three put away before he turned around. "It wasn't me."

Hunter gave him a bemused look. "Lyn and Missy said-"

"Well, yeah, it was me, I stabbed you, but... I didn't know what to do. Everyone was arguing, and I was panicking, and I was completely useless. I just had one, single thought."

Hunter leaned in closer, like that could answer his unspoken questions faster.

"What would Hunter do? And I knew if it was me, if our roles were reversed, you would trust Lyn. You would stay calm and... you would've stabbed me. So that's what I did."

"Thank you," Hunter echoed significantly.

Caleb nodded slowly.

The moment was shattered as Buchanan and Davison rounded the corner. "Stevens! Glad to see you up and about."

Hunter instantly tensed, standing up straighter and crossing his leg under to appear somewhat casual.

Everyone in the pharmacy, which at that moment, included Caleb, Lee, Missy, Lyn, Elijah, and Erica all came around to talk to the case workers.

"The good news," Buchanan said. "Is that Hunter is good to come back to work. He's been cleared of any suspicion."

Hunter relaxed again, relief washing over him like the nausea that hit moments before. His sight darted quickly to Lyn, who was already giving him a side-eyed look to confirm they'd both heard the same thing.

"The bad news," Buchanan continued. "Is that if Hunter didn't do this to himself... there's only one other explanation."

No one said anything for a moment, until Lyn got her voice back enough to say what he meant out loud.

"One of us poisoned him."

[bklynmusicnerd]

Drew getting jumped in prison is camp. The half-assed attempt to waterboard him via shower head, the half-assed kicking, the half-assed blood trickle. 10/10.

[jawsofpleasure]

So Extreme Haunts are essentially haunted houses cranked up to a ten. Scare actors can grab and shove you (within reason), threaten you, and get you filthy with whatever is around but for the most part the experience is still structured primarily with moving from room to room and experiencing Horrors. You can be put in situations where you are forced to hold your breath such as having your face dunked underwater, made to interact with insects or animal parts, electric shocks, forced into small/tight spaces, and the places are usually immaculately decorated and designed to represent a yearly change in story. If you ever heard of the debacle of McKamey Manor or heard of The 17th House, that's what those are.

An experience can look like being stuck in a filthy "asylum" for 2-3 hours where between dodging innmates and getting your jeans caked in dried blood from their grasping hands, you are moved room to room with a few other folk where everyone takes turns being waterboarded, shocked on a table, made to eat bugs, and getting their head shaved by a cast of hostile actors. Their is usually an overt joy in making you safeword out.

Extreme Immersive Horror is a different beast. While still based in the same concept, it is usually more freeform in terms of locale and is much more heavily based around your interactions with actors. It may be part of an elaborate story or plot you're meant to join in or it can just be a haunted house style horror scape to navigate. These experiences can involve simulated torture, sexual violence, forced nudity, and all of the above from Extreme Haunts. These are usually solo experiences but group haunts also exist, especially as part of ARGs. This can involve a lead up of digital roleplaying in your day to day life before a physical encounter weeks or even months later. There's also solo ARGs such as one where you essentially become the victim of a stalker/blackmailer, an entirely digital experience with multiple "chapters" mostly just conveyed via text and email. The most popular immersive haunt was Blackout in LA and NY.

An experience could be joining a cult ARG and after a few weeks of roleplaying on Discord, you get asked to meet in a remote locale for finial "intiation". You are black bagged and thrown into a car with your hands bound by those who meet you, driven to the desert in the middle of the night where they make you strip and run blindly in the cold dark, until you fumble into an open grave. A "dead body" holds you down while your captors laugh and begin to bury you alive.

An experience could also just be going to a locale, signing a waiver, and then entering a pitch dark labrinyth where you are blindy bound, groped, beat, humiliated, and then spat back out onto the street.

Have you freaks ever heard of extreme haunts? Incredibly up our alley as jackoff fodder at the least, Im kind of unhinged about them (speaking directly to my fellow degens who also consider horror movies pornagraphic)

[whump-queen]

So you mentioned wanting to buy Castys... what exactly would you do with him if he was yours :) asking for personal reasons

So I wrote this in a straight up sadistic frenzy and got very carried away having too much fun as usual. I feel like I got more unhinged as I kept writing, but I figured you of all people appreciate that ;)

So without further ado, here is a list of awful, horrible things I would do to our favorite resident immortal <3

Terrible things I would do to Castys

Content warning: torture, extreme gore, vivisection, electrocution, starvation, amputation, autocannibalism, generally just lots of blood and violence

1. Straight up crucify him. 

Nail his limbs to a wooden cross—traditional or St. Andrews, I could go either way— and watch his head hang down as I leave him up there like a garden decoration. I’d probably have to gag him after a while cuz he wouldn’t stop running his mouth and being so god damn annoying—but after a few days, when the hunger and dehydration start to take their toll, he’d fall silent and I could undo the gag to watch his pretty face as he hangs there limply, eyes foggy and unfocused, neck and jaw completely slack, mouth open.

2. Stab long knives through his hands, arms, feet, and legs, pinning him to the wall behind him. 

Strung up high enough on the wall so he’s forced to hang there by the knives, stab wounds slowly ripping through his flesh with the dead weight. I’d let him hang there until the weight of his body eventually rips through the stab wounds, up through his limbs, until he collapses to the ground. Assuming he hasn’t died from the blood loss by then, I can just pin him right back up by stabbing different holes into him. 

3. Pull his eyes out with a melon baller and force him to swallow them. 

4. Water torture. I want to watch him panic and repanic every time he resurrects and realizes he still can’t breathe. He’s still drowning. 

I’m a huge fan of waterboarding. I could do it basically forever. Imagine him waking up from dying via suffocation and realizing he still can’t breathe. 

Locking him in a glass box and filling it with water—once the box is full of water and he eventually drowns, his body goes limp and he sinks to the bottom of the tank, resting there, peacefully, for a while before his eyes jolt open and he’s faced with the realization he’s still in there. He’s going to keep drowning, again, and again, and again, until I get bored of watching. But I love the panicked look on his face, so who knows how long that would take <3

Let’s take that one step further: Castys kept in a vast and beautiful aquarium tank, as a decoration in a luxury penthouse or party venue.  The way one might show off one’s wealth and status with a glamorous wall-to-ceiling fish tank, but with a boy who drowns over and over again. A glamorous spectacle for gatherings of the elite—they’d all take bets on how long he’d last this time. 

5. Electrocution! 

I want to run experiments to see how much the human body can take. Cattle prods, electric chairs, chaining him by his wrists and zapping the metal chains with enough voltage to leave him hanging limply, panting hard, muscles convulsing. And when his heart finally gives out, doing it all over again when he resurrects. Would he keep convulsing once he’s just a corpse? 

Shock collar. Turned up to full force all the time. If he’s my slave, I know he’s going to be a real little shit pretty much constantly. How many times do I get to electrocute him to death before he finally starts obeying? Surely he isn’t that stupid. 

6. Bleeding out. 

I want to watch him pass out from blood loss, only to suffocate and drown in the pool of blood below him. 

I could tell him I’m collecting from him. I need as much blood as possible. If i were a vampire, he’d be the infinite blood bag. In fact, I bet I could make a fortune bleeding him dry over and over and packaging his blood to sell to other vampires. I could drain him completely every single day and he’d be there the next—hanging from his chains, heart beating and veins filled with sweet, fresh blood. 

7. I’ve been thinking about this one for a while now.

Chain him spread eagle in the middle of a room, each limb chained to the corners of the ceiling and floor. Slowly wind a crank that tightens all the chains at once, putting more and more pressure on his arms and legs, until eventually they pop out of their sockets and he screams and begs for it to stop, but I keep tightening the chains until his limbs rip away from his body in a sickening mess of blood and torn flesh. What’s left of him would collapse to the ground. He wouldn’t be able to move, he could only wait to die from the blood loss and hope that there are new limbs in place of the bloody chasms when he awakens. 

Then I get to do it all over again :) 

8. Forget forcing his mouth open so wide his jawbone breaks, I want to rip his jaw straight off his face. Would he still be able to scream? 

9. Vivisection vivisection!! 

I could remove all of his organs!! How many can I make him swallow before he finally dies? He’d just make new ones anyway...  Wake up Castys, it’s dinner time :))))

10. Starvation. So he’s weak and dizzy all the time. 

Or even crueler—starving him enough to incapacitate him completely, but giving him just enough to not allow him to die. Because if he dies, he gets to heal. And healing is a luxury he definitely has not earned. 

Since I’m keeping him alive for the time being, I want to see how many injuries he can sustain at once. He’s so broken and weak I don’t even need to keep him chained while I torture him anymore.

I want him sobbing, begging for death before I finally grant him the smallest bit of grace and decapitate him with a machete. Not because I think he’s worth an ounce of mercy, but because it was getting a little gross and I was getting a little bored. And I wanted a fresh body to puncture. 

11. Tie him to a rock in the middle of a desert wasteland and let vultures slowly pick at his bloody form until nothing but bones remain. Then let the vultures do it again.

12. Amputation but I cauterize the wounds and don’t let him die immediately after. He gets to suffer with no limbs until he passes out from the pain or dies of shock :)

13. Stabbing him hundreds of times, he’d be long dead but I keep stabbing. When he wakes, fully healed, soaked in a vast pool of his own blood, I order him to clean the floor with his tongue until every last drop is gone. And If he refuses, I threaten not to let him die after the next torture I have planned. 

14. I wanna make him swallow broken glass. How many shards can I make him eat before the internal bleeding kills him and he regenerates? I wonder if he would resurrect with the glass still inside him.

15. Shove the blade of a sword down his throat. Let it slice his esophagus in half and let the blood flow down into his organs until it shines red and blue through his skin. Then slice him open down the throat and chest to see it all exposed and ripped apart. 

————

Thanks so much for the ask! Your blog is one of my absolute favorites <3

There will probably be a part 2 to this at some point as I had way too much fun writing this. 

And if you’re not @brutal-nemesis and you read this far, I love you <3

More like this

[dayabot]

i heard something about blasphemy?? 👀

i love blasphemy i love sacrilege i love desecrating sacred places by committing acts so sinful and unholy i love baptism by blood i love defiling sacred things i love religious guilt i love heresy i love divine punishment i love worshiping false idols i love santification delivered via cult leader daya holy waterboarding me it's the only way i can repent and be forgiven and purified you have to surrender yourself to her will . you must yield and submit to her, one must get on their knees and pray to her because she told me it's a sin to worship without being on your knees like a good little follower and whatever she says is the word of god and obedien— um sorry about that haha it's the dayacult brainwashing 😳

[ao3feed-brucewayne]

Splish Splash

by TheJBomb Tim squints against the water stinging his eyes. He tries to focus on anything but the spasms already squeezing at his lungs. The sharp ache of his knees where he's been kneeling on the dirty warehouse floor. The loops of wire wrapped tightly around his wrists, splitting his skin. The edge of the large metal basin digging into his stomach. The tight pain in his scalp he every time he jerks against the fingers knotted in his hair. This strategy is far less effective his sixteenth time under than it was the first. OR Tim gets tortured, Jason and Bruce start to deal with their emotions. Words: 1448, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English Series: Part 2 of Whomp whooomp (read ‘whump’) Fandoms: Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Categories: Gen Characters: Tim Drake, Jason Todd, Bruce Wayne Relationships: Tim Drake & Jason Todd, Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne Additional Tags: Canon-Typical Violence, Torture, Waterboarding, so to speak, Protective Jason Todd, Good Sibling Jason Todd, Good Parent Bruce Wayne, Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood and Injury, Hurt Tim Drake, Jason and Bruce are trying, theyre getting there, Good Sibling Damian Wayne, he refuses to admit it via https://ift.tt/pmDJ8UF

[hungoverlikethewolf]

cheryl blossom: a list of deeds

so preamble 1: this list is fucking huge because i made it while trying out a new adhd med and accidentally hyperfocused into like the seventh dimension. i am deeply sorry.

preamble 2: cheryl blossom isn't a character that has to be clear from the very start. cheryl blossom is totally best described by maybe @shoutbird: a primal truth locked inside a teen suit

with that out of the way let’s get this show on the road:

cheryl blossom is a malevolent trickster god and that only increases as the show goes on

cheryl blossom puts together a gang effortlessly, entirely off-screen

cheryl blossom gets kicked out of a gang for being too good at crime

cheryl blossom tortures a character by waterboarding them in maple syrup

cheryl blossom is literally compared to the batman villain poison ivy one time

cheryl blossom rescues her girlfriend armed solely with a bow and arrow

cheryl blossom once threatens the Big Bad of the season for making her cheer squad vanish, and he registers her as a legitimate threat

cheryl blossom has done battle wielding a scalpel

cheryl blossom has like an entire gothic novel-style plotline that involves literally none of the Core Four

(related to previous) cheryl blossom is shown walking down the halls of a mansion in a flowy nightgown holding only a candelabra for light at least twice over the show's run

one of the musical episodes involves a brutal murder and cheryl blossom is still the bloodiest character to appear in the episode (and she makes it to the musical)

cheryl blossom's ENTIRE cheer squad has a seizure thanks to drug runoff, but she's totally unaffected

cheryl blossom wears white to her brother's funeral

cheryl blossom positions herself as a (sooooooooorta kiiindaaaaaa) antagonist for pretty much a season and a half and when the Core Four talk about going on vacation she walks into the room ("walk" isn't correct, that's not what cheryl does) and gets offended that she's not invited

(related to previous) in the same episode she says: "I'm Cheryl Blossom, a.k.a. Cheryl Bombshell, which means I need no reasons. I simply am. Feel free to tremble." and that's just literally actually a true fact about her

cheryl blossom is sent to like a gay conversion therapy nunnery at the end of one episode and has escaped by the end of the next one

cheryl blossom literally calls archie's dad a DILF to his face, as a greeting

cheryl blossom gives a character a kiss while they're comatose and leaves a bold red lipstick print (saying she's repaying a favor, for she was once given a literal kiss of life after almost drowning herself)

the character survives

cheryl blossom refers to one character by saying "cousin" instead of their name, almost exclusively

cheryl blossom has a battle outfit

cheryl blossom is so good at using her bow and arrow that she is given the class "Deadeye" in EVIL D&D

cheryl blossom has "gypsy blood" via her grandmother

cheryl blossom is almost always at odds with her mother but once the source of conflict is that her mother becomes like a high-class woman of the night and runs the whole thing out of their shared house

cheryl blossom has perfect attendance despite her brother dying, the town being quarantined, and just to reiterate: DESPITE BEING SENT TO THE GAY REEDUCATION NUNNERY

cheryl blossom has a whole episode that's "her mom won't let her into Highsmith College because she's gay" and when she confronts her mom she's told: "that's the price of salt, cheryl"

cheryl blossom calls an rotc member a "cryptofascist" for trying to make her quit holding hands with her gf

cheryl blossom deprograms herself from a large cult almost immediately upon being told that she can't be prom queen

this list was made solely by memory and leaves out the obvious “burns down her own fucking ancestral family manse” but feel free to make this post even lengthier

[vilecrocodile]

Killing Eve: S1 Trigger Guide

(repost from old blog)

BBC America’s Killing Eve, directed by Pheobe Waller-Bridge and starring Sandra Oh and Jodie Comer, with its snappy, fast-paced episodes, incredible soundtrack, and killer costuming, is simultaneously a spy thriller, an office sitcom, and a lesbian love story all in one.

Multiple friends of mine have had questions about the more intense content of the show, so I made this triggers guide. I did my best to keep it as spoiler-free as possible while still giving a detailed description of content that could be triggering or upsetting for some viewers. If you spot any inaccuracies or anything I’ve missed, please don’t hesitate to let me know!

Episode 1: Nice Face

During office meeting, photograph of a stab wound in a leg

Character fakes their suicide with alcohol and pills, as a joke. The victim of the prank isn’t fooled, though, and it’s quickly laughed off.

Prolonged scene of a woman speaking unintelligibly, drugged.

Eye trauma implied, but not graphically shown.

Brief scene of a child seeing dead body (body itself not shown).

Close-up of a character pressing a knife into her leg. Not done it with intention of self-harm, but an intense visual, and she accidentally cuts herself.

Detailed verbal description of a hypothetical murder and body disposal.

After the hospital bathroom scene: heavy blood, dead bodies, and a dying character.

Episode 2: I’ll Deal With Him Later

“Previously on” flashback: eye trauma and bloody hospital scene

Character begging for life, killed by gun, heavy blood from nose/chest

During restaurant scene, a brief “joke” about marrying one’s dad

In the scene with the pink dress, photographs of a man hung by the neck, and a dog hung by the neck, are shown.

Brief and non-explicit sex scene.

In the office, photographs of dead bodies and gory injuries are shown.

Asphyxiation during the perfume scene; prolonged choking to death

A character aggressively grabs another by the neck.

A knife held to to a character’s throat

Off-screen asphyxiation death; dead body shown

Episode 3: Don’t I Know You?

“Previously on” flashback: brief asphyxiation, throat grab, and knife to throat

Kink-related restraints and ‘ball clamp’ torture; not graphic

Asphyxiation death in a hospital setting, via an oxygen mask. Character shown struggling against restraints.

Prolonged stalking throughout episode.

During a fancy dinner scene, a man makes unwanted and uncomfortable advances towards a woman.

Rapid flashing lights during the scenes taking place in a nightclub.

Sudden stabbing, some blood.

Episode 4: Sorry, Baby

“Previously on” flashback: oxygen mask asphyxiation

After getting in the car, a sudden, physical fight.

Heavy gun use throughout episode.

A person being stalked and hunted, panicking and hyperventilating. Makes a brief reference to suicide.

Person gets shot - bloodless.

A person is abruptly backed over by a car, with accompanying scream of pain.

Brief glimpse of body and blood after the other character exits the car.

Episode 5: I Have a Thing About Bathrooms

“Previously on” flashback: car fight, person getting shot, person hit by car.

Character holds gun under chin as though intending to commit suicide, but doesn’t.

Character intentionally breaks a glass window

During bathroom scene, a physical struggle, and brief waterboarding, though played relatively humorously.

At dinner, physical struggle, and prolonged threatening with a knife held to a character’s chest.

Brief “jump scare” when a person appears suddenly in a mirror, in the scene beginning with a character brushing their teeth.

Prolonged shot of a corpse. Not gory, but some blood visible.

Episode 6: Take Me to the Hole!

“Previously on” flashback: Shot of corpse.

Cavity search done by prison guards, a character is then beaten by them.

During an argument, a character gets aggressively shoved and then slapped.

Character shoved around and handled roughly by prison guards

Confinement in small, claustrophobic jail cells.

The fight in the prison yard involves punching and a bloody nose.

Beginning in the scene in the prison lunch line, a prolonged, chaotic scene featuring multiple sudden stabbings, and bloody bodies on the floor.

Stream of blood used to imply a person was murdered offscreen.

Episode 7: I Don’t Want to Be Free

In solitary confinement, a character is seemingly - and unsettlingly - comatose.

Razor blade held between lips, intended to be used on a sleeping victim.

A character biting another’s neck, large amount of blood, character shown bleeding out.

In the armored truck scene, there is a sudden murder, a spray of blood on window, gun death, and a prolonged shot of many dead bloody bodies.

At the end of the truck hijacking scene, there is a sudden execution - a person is graphically shot in the head, and the body shown afterwards.

Another sudden and graphic execution, in scene with the bald man. Character is shot in head with blood spraying.

Discussion of a pedophilic teacher/student relationship

Prolonged scene of a character slowly taking suicide pills.

Episode 8: God, I’m Tired

“Previously on” flashback: dead bloody bodies

Gun pointed at (unafraid) child.

Very brief reference to pedophilia.

Sudden suicide, right after the line “sorry, but yes.” A character puts a gun under their chin and pulls the trigger. Body and blood shown.

Gun held to (afraid) child’s head.

A person is shot - not graphicly - in front of their child.

During bedroom scene - graphic stabbing, blood.

[one-of-us-blog]

Die Another Day (2002)

Today Drew is forced to watch and recap 2002’s Die Another Day, the twentieth James Bond adventure. Bond is captured and tortured by some bad guys, and now 007 is out for revenge! Can Bond handle going rogue, or will MI6 shut down his quest for vengeance before it can even begin? Will Bond find those responsible for his imprisonment? Why is it so sunny in here?

Keep reading to find out…

Eli, I loved your last two recaps so much! I know there was a stretch of less-than-stellar episodes for you to wade through, but I’m so glad you enjoyed these last two romps! I still can’t believe how close you are to the end of the show, but, speaking of, I’m close to the end of an era myself. This is the final Bond film before the big reboot, and it’s crazy to think of how far we’ve come over the course of this blog! I can’t stand it anymore, the anticipation has me way too excited to lay out any other preamble!

Buttocks tight!

Screenplay by Neal Purvis & Robert Wade, film directed by Lee Tamahori

We start with a shockingly three-dimensional gun barrel sequence, and then we jump to the coast of Pukch’ŏng County, North Korea. Bond, alongside two of his fellow MI6 agents, surf into North Korea and attract the attention of a helicopter, which they quickly commandeer. This helicopter was bound for the headquarters of Colonel Tan-Sun Moon (Will Yun Lee), located in the Korean demilitarized zone, and Bond soon arrives after placing some explosives in a suitcase full of diamonds that the helicopter’s original passenger was transporting. Just to give you an idea of how comically evil a villain Moon is going to be, the first time we see him he’s beating up his anger management therapist for lecturing him. Bond is greeted at Moon’s HQ by the surly Zao, who surreptitiously snaps a pic of 007 when he arrives. Bond and Moon meet, and it’s really driven home that Moon is a rude, crude dude with a bad attitude when it’s revealed he’s trading weapons for African blood diamonds. Moon shows off the weapons Bond’s supposed to get for the blood diamonds, but turns out Zao wasn’t taking Bond’s picture just so he could add it to his scrapbook. He’s done a background check on 007, and since Bond is the worst secret agent in the world it doesn’t take any time at all for Zao to inform Moon of Bond’s true identity. Moon blows up Bond’s helicopter, but he’s distracted by a call from his daddy, General Moon (Kenneth Tsang). He leaves the killing of Bond to Zao while he scrambles to hide all the illegal weapons he’s got in the demilitarized zone before his dad finds them and he gets grounded. Thinking, “Why the hell not?” Bond triggers the explosive in the suitcase full of diamonds, causing and explosion that allows him to escape and results in Zao getting a high-velocity diamond facial. Bond escapes on one of Moon’s hovercrafts (why not) and blows up most of his headquarters before chasing after Moon as he races across the mine-laced demilitarized zone. There’s a lot of shooting, some mines get blown up and Moon fires off a flamethrower for no good reason before Bond and Moon end up on the same hovercraft and Bond kills Moon by driving the hovercraft off a waterfall. Moon’s zaddy arrives, and he’s none too pleased about his dumb kid getting killed.

General Moon has Bond waterboarded while we finally head to the opening credits. This credits sequence is… troubling. Madonna sings out the mediocre techno ballad “Die Another Day” while we’re treated to scenes of Bond being brutally tortured interspersed with CGI ladies comprised of ice, fire and electricity dance around and some scorpions just kind of crawl around and mind their own business. Also diamonds. It’s a mess, and honestly the dime-store techno bassline makes it a little hard for me to get too invested in the vignettes of Bond being beaten and sodomoized with a hot poker by a sexy Korean woman in jackboots.

After what feels like a lifetime this bit is finally over, and a bearded, bedraggled Bond is brought before General Moon. Bond has managed not to break in all the time he’s been held here, and Moon lets him know it’s time for him to go. Bond is taken to a bridge where it seems he’s going to be shot, but then Moon’s goons lower their weapons and we find out this is all actually a prisoner exchange. Bond is being traded for the bedazzled Zao, and the two share pleasantries while they make their way back to their respective governments. On the British side, Bond is greeted by Damian Falco (Michael Madsen) from the NSA and…oh, my stars and garters, could it really be? Dare I dream?

That’s right, folks, Charles Robinson is back, babey!!! And not a moment too soon! I have no doubt he singlehandedly wrestled Zao into custody after Bond was done bonering everything up. Charles Robinson didn’t become the most valuable man in MI6 by being reckless, and he leaves nothing to chance. He has Bond sedated so that he can be checked for any kind of biological weapons. M, no doubt having met with Charles Robinson to mine his formidable intellect, goes to meet with Bond through a sheet of glass. M doesn’t mince words and lets Bond know that if she’d had her druthers he’d still be getting dicked by scorpions back in North Korea. She thinks they paid too high a price for Bond’s freedom by letting Zao go, but Bond didn’t ask to be traded and couldn’t kill himself because he… I don’t know, cut out? ripped out? his cyanide capsule years ago.

M explains that an American prisoner was killed in Bond’s prison a week ago, and they think Bond broke under torture and was mined for intel by the North Koreans. M gives him a vote of confidence by entering his glass prison to let him know she doesn’t think he’ll kill her, but she tells him he’s going for an evaluation and won’t be sent into the field any time soon. Bond… Okay, listen, Bond, like, meditates or something and lowers his heartrate to the point that the monitors he’s hooked up to think he’s dead. Some medical staff rush in to save them, he jolts them with an EKG machine and makes a break for it. Just go with me here.

Bond, now officially gone rogue, heads to a hotel he’s known at and gets a shave, haircut and new suit. The hotel manager, Mr. Chang (Ho Yi), sends up a masseuse to entertain 007, but Bond knows she’s packin’ heat and Chang, who’s actually with Chinese Intelligence (maybe he and Wai Lin have worked together?), is filming him from behind a half-silvered mirror. Bond tells Chang he won’t hold a grudge over all this if Chang can get him into North Korea so he can get his hands on Zao. Chang finds out Zao isn’t in North Korea anymore, though, he’s in Havana. Bond heads to Cuba and meets up with a British sleeper agent/cigar factory owner, Raoul (Emilio Echevarría). Raoul lets Bond know he can find Zao on an island which sports and unusual gene therapy clinic. Bond heads to a hotel which sports a view of the strange island, and there he catches sight of Giacinta “Jinx” Johnson (Halle Berry), who emerges from the ocean like the second coming of Honey Ryder.

Bond and Johnson seem to really hit it off, by which I mean they immediately hit the sheets, but the next morning Bond is left alone as Johnson sets sail for the clinic on Isla Los Organos. Bond knocks out another hotel guest and uses his ticket to get a ride to the island as well. He loads his new unconscious friend into a wheelchair and brings him along to the island, where he causes a distraction by hurling the man and his chair into a wall. He then finds a secret, mirror-lined passage and slinks his way through. Johnson, meanwhile, is apparently getting a consultation for gene therapy. Just kidding, though, she immediately kills the doctor, burns the evidence of her being there and lets us know she’s definitely a spy.

Bond finds Zao in the middle of a procedure that’s meant to rewrite his DNA to make him look like a white dude right as Johnson finds Zao’s file an stops the procedure right in the middle of things and leaves Zao looking like a naked mole rat of a man. Zao wakes up and he and Bond fight, but Zao gets away while Johnson sets off a bomb to shut down the whole facility. Bond and Johnson both chase after Zao, but he gets away in a helicopter. Johnson is almost killed by some guards, who don’t seem to notice Bond, but she avoids death by disrobing and then cliff diving down to an awaiting speedboat. Bond examines a bullet which Zao was wearing as a fun, festive necklace until Bond yoinked it off during their fight. Inside the bullet are some diamonds, which Bond has Raoul examine. The diamonds are being sold by Gustav Graves, who alleges to have found them in Iceland a year ago despite Raoul being able to definitively identify them (somehow) as African blood diamonds. Hey, that sounds familiar!

Who cares about all of that, though, because the most important man in MI6, Charles Robinson, arrives at work just in time to catch Miss Moneypenny spying on a conversation between M and Falco from the NSA. Falco thinks M played a part in Bond’s escape, and Charles Robinson sagely watches on as M shoulders the weight of Falco’s threats to make things right at MI6. Bond, meanwhile looks some stuff on Gustav Graves (Toby Stephens), who makes an interest by parachuting down to meet up with his publicist Miranda Frost (Rosamund Pike) in front of a bunch of reporters (and Bond). Bond tracks Graves and Frost to a fencing… club? academy? class? I don’t know. It’s hosted by Verity (Madonna in the cameo no one asked for), who introduces Bond to Graves. Bond, despite being on the run from MI6 and, like, a secret agent, uses his real name because why not.

Bond and Graves immediately get into a cock measuring contest via proxy in the form of a fencing match, during which Bond lets Graves know he’s figured out that Graves is selling blood diamonds. Graves challenges Bond to up the stakes and the two start fighting with real swords and completely wrecking Verity’s swordfight clubhouse. Frost eventually breaks up the fight and Graves invites Bonds to a science demonstration. A bellboy gives Bond a mysterious envelope with a key in it, and he goes to an abandoned subway station to meet up with M. M’s not here to capture Bond, though, she just wants to compare notes on Graves. M warns Bond about Graves’ political connections and agrees to give him some unsanctioned help.

Bond arrives at MI6, only to find Moneypenny dead from a gunshot to the head. He takes out several attackers and is joined by Charles Robinson himself, so you just know everything’s going to be alright. But then the unthinkable, the impossible, the inconceivable happens and Charles Robinson, the unshakable foundation upon which the stability of the British government rests, is gunned down. No, I can’t accept it! I won’t! And I don’t have to, because this is all a training session taking place in the VR Zone. C’mon, you know a Q-Branch simulation is the only place a facsimile of Charles Robinson could ever be bested! Q (née R) brings Bond safely out of the VR Zone and takes him to his workshop in the subway, where Bond proceeds to touch everything like a five-year-old at a toy store. Bond is outfitted with a sonic ring that can smash unbreakable glass and, get ready for this, a car that turn invisible.

We’re due for a twist, so we get to sit in on a meeting with M and Frost, who, it turns out, is an MI6 agent spying on Graves. Frost things Graves will blow her cover, but M says that in all her time spying on Graves Frost has turned up dick all and M wants Bond to go in and shake some shit up a bit. Bond heads to Graves’ ice palace in Iceland where he’s greeted by the imaginatively named Mr. Kil (Lawrence Makoare) before Graves scoots up in his super speedy sled car thing. We get another mention of Graves never sleeping, which is a thing that just keeps getting brought up. The famous Jinx Johnson arrives while Bond heads to the bar before his DTs can get too out of hand. Bond and Johnson meet up while Zao arrives at the ice palace. He pulls Graves out of a crazy dream machine which he has to use to stay sane due to his permanent insomnia, and it turns out Graves is actually Moon post-gene alteration.

The shindig finally gets underway and Graves unveils Icarus, a satellite which can reflect Sol’s light toward Earth and function as a second sun. Bond hides out in his magical invisible car so he can snoop around in Graves’ private business, but immediately gets caught because he’s just no good at stealth. Frost saves Bond from being discovered by Mr. Kil by making out with him while Johnson Mission Impossibles her way into Graves’ inner sanctum. While Frost and Bond are busy getting busy, Johnson is doing some actual work. Unfortunately she finds Zao waiting in Graves’ dream machine instead of Graves himself, who sneaks up behind her and electrocutes her with a souped-up Power Glove.

Zao and Mr. Kil interrogate Johnson, but she ain’t a canary and she ain’t in the mood to sing, so Zao leaves Mr. Kil to slice her up with a mining laser (paging Dr. Goldfinger). Bond finally arrives at Graves’ greenhouse lair in time to save Johnson, but first he has to deal with Mr. Kil. Bond gets his ass handed to him, but the still-restrained Johnson manages to kill Mr. Kil with the mining laser. Bond sends Johnson off to find Frost and get in touch with MI6 while Bond confronts Graves and reveal he finally knows the dude is actually Moon. Frost arrives, only to turn her gun on Bond. Turns out Frost set Bond up in North Korea and she’s been a double agent the whole time. Frost is about to execute Bond, but luckily he’s got his glass-shattering ring which allows him to… well, shatter some glass. Specifically the glass floor of the green house. You get it.

Bond escapes in Graves’ super sled, but Graves brings in some North Korean generals so he can demonstrate the destructive capability of Icarus to them. Icarus hyper-focuses the sun’s like way beyond what could be useful for a farmer trying to get that sweet wheat all year ‘round, and Bond barely out maneuvers the solar death beam by driving the sled off the side of an ice shelf and using the sled’s anchor (?) to keep himself from falling into the frigid sea. Graves solves this problem by just carving off the whole chunk of ice and making a prophetically topical joke about global warming. Bond survives, though, by jumping into a Nintendo 64 surfing game and shredding away to safety.

Johnson is discovered by Frost and Zao, who inform her she’s going to die… eventually. Bond steals a Ski-Doo and makes it back to the ice palace where he retrieves his inviso-mobile, which is useful for about a minute until another Ski-Doo crashes into it. Zao uses the thermal vision of his own car to spot Bond, and the two set off on a merry chase while the now-abandoned ice castle begins to rumble around Johnson. Graves fires up Icarus and begins to melt the ice palace, but not before Bond crashes into it (the car chase is still going on, BTW). Bond tricks Zao into driving into a pool formed out of melted ice and then shoots a chandelier down onto him instead of just shooting him in the head.

Bond retrieves the almost-drowned Johnson and gets her into the warmth of the greenhouse in time to save her. The two head to a US bunker on the South Korean side of the demilitarized zone where they’re greeted by the one, the only, the legend, the icon, Charles Robinson. With a mind to rival Watson, Charles Robinson lays down the skinny in no time flat. Graves and Frost are in North Korea, and neither the American nor the British governments can go get him before Icarus is used to destroy any of North Korea’s enemies (i.e. everypony). M’s sending in Bond anyway, and Falco decides he needs a reason to be in this movie so he sends Johnson in too. The two are airdropped in, and Charles Robinson, with the sage, cautious wisdom of an old barn owl, worries that they’ll be detected. Falco’s dumbass has the nerve, the gal, the audacity to tell Charles Robinson to “relax”, so you know that sonofabitch has some comeuppance headed his way.

The missiles Falco has sent to destroy Icarus are instantly destroyed by the mirror’s solar laser, because of course they are you dumb stupid idiot. Bond and Johnson, meanwhile, have landed and stowaway on Graves’ plane. Graves calls for his zaddy to be brought down, where he reveals himself in his new white face and shows off a plastic mech suit that allows him to control Icarus via a computer mouse trackball installed in his Power Glove. He fires up Icarus to show off and make his papa proud, but General Moon tells him the other countries will nuke the hell out of North Korea to shut this shit down. Graves doesn’t take paternal rejection well and 86es his dear old dad. Bond tries to shoot Graves but his shot is deflected, resulting in a window getting blown out and the plane violently depressurizing.

Johnson manages to stop the plane from crashing, but then Frost is there to hold her at swordpoint and of course she’s wearing an ornate bra and elbow-length gloves for no damn reason. Who even cares at this point. Icarus’ death beam is still going, by the by, and Charles Robinson, with the time-keeping prowess of the White Rabbit, lets everyone know it’s headed right their way. Johnson flies the plane right into the beam’s path, giving her time to get the better of Frost. Johnson and Frost fight with blades while Bond and Graves just ineffectually punch each other. Johnson eventually gets the better of Frost and kills her (with a very saucy, “Bitch!” thrown in for good measure) while Graves gets the better of Bond and prepares to escape the falling plane. Bond prematurely triggers Graves’ parachute, which results in Graves being sucked into the plane’s engines and most definitely dying.

Bond and Johnson find a helicopter hidden in the plane, Inception style, and manage to ride it out of the exploding plane in time to avoid death by ground. Bond makes what I think has to be a weird 69 joke before the two fly off into the sky with a crate of diamonds in the back of the helicopter.

Moneypenny uses Q’s VR shades to live out a fantasy involving Bond banging her at MI6, because that’s all this movie has to say about her character, but Q interrupts her before she can rub one out. Glad everyone thought this scene definitely needed to be in this already-over-two-hours movie.

Bond and Johnson have sex on top of the stolen diamonds (imagine how uncomfortable that would be) and we’re finally done here.

The End

~~~~~

Woof! I know way back in my introductory post I mentioned that I’d seen this movie (or at least parts of it) at some point in my checkered past, but, lemme tell ya, there was a whole lot that I’d forgotten/suppressed about Die Another Day. Just to start out with some positives, I actually really liked the design of Zao’s diamond-encrusted face, and I really liked seeing Halle Berry here. She didn’t get anything worthy of her talents to work with, but still. Then there were things that started out neat, but didn’t work in the end. I liked Frost a lot when she was introduced, but then she got reduced to a sword-wielding lunatic in a bra for the final conflict with Jinx. Icarus seemed fun, but then I remembered that this is not the first, not the second but the third Brosnan Bond film with a satellite at the heart of its narrative. We had GoldenEye, then Carver’s dumb satellite news network and now Icarus. That’s three out of four Brosnan films with satellites as key players. I love space as much as the next gay, but, I mean, get a new shtick already! Then there’s stuff that was just silly. Bond stopping his heartbeat? The Power Glove? The ice palace? The invisible car? That Madonna song? C’mon. I know you have to suspend disbelief for any of these movies, but jeez louise. And while I know I don’t normally dwell on the technical side of things during my recaps, but the special effects in this movie were very bad. If we weren’t getting some unnecessary slow-mo, we were having shots like the one of Jinx cliff diving or the truly horrendous kiteboarding scene that legitimately made me gasp when it first started. While there were definitely some fun moments and some little touches I liked, on the whole this flick is a mess and a far, far fall from the glory days of GoldenEye.

I feel I can only give Die Another Day QQ on the Five Q Scale.

We’ll see you again in a hot minute as Eli serves up a couple of fresh recaps of the next two episodes of The Golden Palace, “Say Goodbye, Rose” and “You’ve Lost That Livin’ Feeling”, and after that it’ll be time for me to move onto a brand new Bond as I tackle the next James Bond adventure, Casino Royale (and maybe you can look forward to a few special treats before then, who can say?).

Until then, as always, thank you for reading, thank you for analyzing this (Sigmund Freud) and thank you for being One of Us!

[x-heesy]

With the perfect hair,

and the perfect wife,

and the perfect kids,

and the perfect life,

I... will finaly... be somebody

Let's play born-again American, resistance is the game!

Two pigs wearing suits

brought the news

that I'm wanted by the bank

They say the rent is due

Ceaser's on to you

so you better remember your place

Then they outsourced my job

and gave a raise to my boss,

bailed out the banks

but billed me for the loss

they say we must submit

and be one with the machines

'cuz the kingdom of fear

needs compliance to succeed

So waterboard the kids for fun, it's all the rage

and play born-again American, reistance is the game!

SMASH THE CONTROL MACHINE!

Work. Buy. Consume. Die.

SMASH THE CONTROL MACHINE!

Happy little slaves for minimum wage

The revolution will be monetized and streamed live via renegade wifi

The clinic said I'm sick,

toxic and impure,

but there isn't any cure

for the poor or uninsured

So we live our digital lives

on multiple screens

and we forget that

the blood of the workers grease the machines

in the psalm of the fiends

love... descriminates

while the fat cats

feed the rats their dose of daily cake

So waterboard the kids for fun, it's all the rage

and play born-again American, resistance is the game!

Work. Buy. Consume. Die.

SMASH THE CONTROL MACHINE!

Happy little slaves for minimum wage

SMASH THE CONTROL MACHINE!

Work. Buy. Consume. Die.

SMASH THE CONTROL MACHINE!

Haters, betrayers, liars and thieves

She sold her soul for designer clothes,

for the perfect lips, and the perfect nose

The winner in the end always owns the most

reality TV told her so!

Money changer, greedy banker

This is the peoples house!

My minister has a sinister plan

to save my soul with a credit card scam

Exploitation is contagious

for the selfish and self-inflated

Start a war, use the poor

watch our profits soar and soar!

We've become a nation of wolves, ruled by sheep

Owned by swine, overfed and put to sleep

And while the media elite decrees what to think,

I am wide awake, on the edge and on the brink

So when Atlas shrugs, and the fountainhead bleeds

and when wallstreet apostles preach a gospel of greed

I'll renounce the fame of this glutionous age

and be a born-again American, resistance is to blame!

SMASH THE CONTROL MACHINE!

Work. Buy. Consume. Die.

SMASH THE CONTROL MACHINE!

Haters, betrayers, liars and thieves

SMASH THE CONTROL MACHINE!

A nation of wolves, ruled by sheep!

Exploitation is contagious

https://open.spotify.com/track/4wARWUOGya1Q9ldbPzdcrf?si=YbPb-jkFTEuZ54kCLNBfGA