#watching the raw footage without music really is a drag

[cochineal-leviat]

I haven't drawn my favourite Kirby character in a while, so here is his Highness, Prickle Felt.

I've been in an art funk lately, and nothing feels creatively right. So, I've decided to try out speed painting! I've always wanted to try it, and after a day of teaching myself how to do video editing, here are the fruits of my labour. Please enjoy!

I am interested in making speed paintings or time lapses, even if it is only for myself (I've stopped registering what I do when painting, so it is interesting to see this). If you have any suggestions for other things I can speed paint, I will keep them in mind.

The finished art piece is here:

[juniperhoot]

吾湖音乐局 Wohoo Music Bureau episode 3 has landed and I am once again screaming at the cuteness of this delightfully low stakes Super Vocal 声入人心 bro fest.

This week, we get to see the 兄弟们 doing calisthenics (thanks to Hong Zhiguang) and vocal warmups, serenade the hamster to keep the power on at the house, then hop on their bikes and head out for an adventure. Wohoo! There are small cameras mounted on their handlebars, so we get some very silly footage of these weirdos riding their bikes.

Special treat: Ayanga singing 《天堂》 while Ma Jia attempts a Mongolian dance. Emphasis on attempts. 😂 Perhaps it could best be described as a suggestion of dance. They and their brothers proceed to sing to a little village over the public address system. It is… exceedingly cute. I literally grinned and squealed through every song.

After they’ve finished their little show for the village, they head off to do some fishing and swimming. They all seem to be absolutely terrible at fishing. Nobody seems to know how to set the hook when they get a bite. (And they make so much noise, spontaneously singing and clowning around, I think they scared most of the fish away.) Mostly, this expedition was an opportunity to feed some raw lamb to the local fish, and for Ju Hongchuan to catch a little nap by the water.

The three juniors (Fang Shujian, Liang Pengjie, and Zhang Chao) go off to swim and act like fools, dragging each other into the water and generally being extremely silly. I’ll bet Huang Zihongfan is sad to have missed out on this quality time with his brothers!

I must take a moment to recognize Ayanga’s secret skill: skipping rocks! He got several hops in with one rock! Who knew?!

One of the guys has to leave without his brothers near the end of the episode, and sweet Liang Pengjie cries as he watches his 兄弟 walk away. Awww! Cutie!

All of their little activities are really excuses for them to hang out together and make music. That seems to be the main point of this series, and if you enjoyed the camaraderie on Super Vocal, you are truly in for a treat with this series.

Looks like next week, we’re getting more of the brothers back, including Li Qi! Can’t wait to see him!

[anxiety-trademark]

The week in review:

Raw 09/21 NXT 09/23 NXT UK 09/24 Smackdown 09/25 Clash of Champions 09/27 + Main Event 09/24

Raw:

Billie’s not wrong. None of these people are wrong. That title has fallen so fucking far since Becky held it, Jesus.

Interesting to see Billie Kay be somewhat (?) supportive of Peyton. Manager?

I implore women to stop using red eyeliner unless you’re trying to look possessed.

Oh at least Mickie’s gonna have her last match with her snazzy pants on.

God that theme music is so outdated.

If there was one person on the roster that could convince me they wrestled in the Diva’s era, it’d be Mickie James.

Beautiful Octopus, dare I say best in the division. Look at those crossed legs. Just beautiful, Zelina.

Man it was cool watching Zelina reverse the powerbomb attempt into a rollup, but Mickie couldn’t be bothered to get her shoulders down for a 2 count before the reversal. Shame.

Zelina needs an increase to her speed to pull off the style she’s going for, but it’s a fun style.

oof I think Mickie actually caught Zelina’s forehead with that high kick.

Seated Senton off the top rope is garbage and I hate it.

Lmfao Zelina won with a backstabber. She’s literally Sasha-lite. Okay.

Word was Bianca was the star of the pc combine, right? So if you wanna showcase her strength, do it against someone I fucking know lmao. Who was this bro? Of course she’s stronger than a nobody in the pc. Friggin Alexa Bliss can effortlessly give piggy back rides to Sheamus. That’s impressive, because I know how strong and big he is. This could’ve been done better is all I’m saying. Maybe do a sitdown interview with her pc peeps hyping her up, or show footage of her blowing everyone in the combine out the park. Idk.

Ruby stop hyping up Nia and Shayna individually, individually they suck lol lesbireal.

So did Ruby just give Liv her shirt? …You know what, it works, I’m not gonna dig into this.

I feel like all women use the same starting moves against Nia and it’s a little tired ngl. They do this headscissors into a standing crucifix hold, and then slide down to try and roll her up. Then she picks them up and headbutts them. Come on peeps.

Mk just throw Lana through another table, she’s as useless in the ring (kf wise) as Liv is on commentary (non-kf wise)

Let me rewind, how did Nattie get taken out this time? A punch again. COOL. Nattie confirmed worst tag partner in the history of the division.

Lmfao rip Lana. Bye.

Wow we just said fuck entrances huh? Ugh God. Imagine Becky not getting an entrance as a damn champion.

So Peyton forgoes jumping for the German suplex, which could’ve resulted in her landing on Asuka’s head, and her reaction is to laugh. Consummate professional. Becky Lynch’s optic cranial nerve injury (caused by a failed German suplex) called, it can’t seem to find the humor.

Idk what that double underhooked move was by Peyton, but it was nice.

What bothers me about Peyton’s spinning heel kick, is as high as she gets it, she only hits people with her calf. Awkward to see.

That attempted transition into the Asuka Lock was... something.

Highlight: Lana going through the table

---

NXT:

Did Tegan say “why me” to Candice fucking her knee up with a metal pipe? Somebody get this girl some tissues.

Haha watching Tegan writhe in pain is funny. Candice gets points. And I do not like giving Candice points.

Really appreciate Rhea’s theme after hearing so much generic garbage lately. She’s so done with nxt as a performer, she has passed literally all of them by.

Not to be that person, but seeing so many people in the ring together bothers me. If one person was sick, literally all of them are sick now. It’s just kinda yikes.

Did they forego having a crowd? If so, wise. There’s enough ppl in the ring and at ringside.

Rhea fucking yeeted that girl into the barrier lmaooo.

“...Marina Shafir who’s done some great things on Raw Underground recently,” lmao sure.

The absolute half-assed attempt by that girl to pull herself up before Rhea booted her down to the floor was questionable.

So adding all these random peeps from the pc to this battle royal was done solely to have Raquel and Rhea flex for their feud in 4 months, huh.

Kacy does cool shit, wbk lmao. Gets kicked out, lands on her back, rolls into a handstand, rotates, pulls herself up into the ring using her feet on the ropes; gets kicked out, lands on the side of the guardrail, pulls herself up, uses the plexiglass to help balance herself, jumps onto the stairs; gets kicked out, lands on the side of the guardrail, stands on Kayden’s shoulders and gets chauffeured back to the ring. Brilliant. Would be overkill in a Royal Rumble, but it works here.

R&R eliminate each other/themselves together. Fitting. Dakota “help me I’m useless on my own” Kai is shook.

Why is Indi in the top 5? Or top 7? How is this girl so damn prestigious??

Kacy really just slung herself around the ringpost. I’m becoming a fan of her antics/performances in multiwomen matches.

I see Shotzi’s character is, “I come so close yet cannot manage to touch the gold.” I feel for her... cuz I can’t stand Candice.

Boooo

I love how Io carries herself. She’s a shining example of not allowing her heritage to hold her back or make her feel unimportant. She responds in Japanese, and without missing a beat, translates in perfectly spoken and quick English. Never dances, never smiles, never looks like a chump. Serious and answers the damn question. She gets points.

Highlight: Kacy shenanigans

---

NXT UK:

Lol I love KLR so much. Just ducks out of the ring the first time she’s bested.

“KLR is well versed in mental manipulation,” that she is. She’s honestly a top competitor in that sense; equal to the likes of Sasha and Charlotte when it comes to psychology.

Piper’s got power. Ragdolling KLR here.

That’s right, performing with Charlotte Flair at wm is an accolade one can only hope to achieve (I’m annoying I know) no but seriously, KLR vs Becky Lynch? Take my money.

Nice Superkick, nice Tornado ddt.

Dear ref, stop yelling at her and restart the count. Dweeb.

Lmao self inflicted wreckage of her knee. 

This ref is a walking headache. We’re now getting into the autumn of overbooked women’s matches. And UK’s first title match back. Yikes.

That senton was awkward and looked painful af for KLR’s neck. If you’re gonna risk that move while selling a leg injury, make sure you have more space to correct your landing.

I almost wish that turnbuckle came undone naturally because KLR is already such a good seller, but I’m gonna assume this is a worked move since it’s been left exposed.

Yeah see there are issues with that spot. Positives: KLR didn’t purposefully undo the turnbuckle, so it’s not on her to give another title match; the spot has potential, as I’m guessing that would be genuinely painful. Negatives: Piper is too big of a woman to hit the lower turnbuckle doing the cannonball, so she ended up hitting the middle... which was padded. Good ending on paper if you don’t do the equations, but poor execution. Not Piper nor KLR’s fault though.

Slow pacing and I hate overbooked garbage, but this obviously isn’t the only match they’re having so *shrug*

Highlight: Clean tornado ddt, and I do love KLR’s selling

---

Smackdown:

Lol Bayley has her chair. She automatically gets a point every time I see it.

Top of the ramp this time? Okay, sure.

Stop cutting to the fancams, production. I don’t care about their reactions.

A fine enough promo to move along both of her angles, but production sucks. Wbk though.

“...one of the most complex personalities,” which personality of Alexa’s are we referring to, though?

Their timing on her pyro was off and now I’m sad. The pops during the breakdown leading into the fountains are fucking amazing and honestly cannot be topped by any of the other women.

When did Alexa stop wearing her gloves to the ring? Probably when she turned face. Shame.

She just called Lacey bitter, southern tea, and you know what? What a fucking drag. Imagine bitter southern tea. As someone who was raised in the south, that is a disgrace to southern tea. Sweet sun tea or pass.

Look at Alexa: selling Lacey’s strength, full of agile speed, and yet here’s Lacey not even bothering to put her shoulders down for her pin attempt. SAD.

A problem I consistently have with SD in particular is how they set up commercial breaks. They always do something dramatic, cut to commercial, come back and shit’s always completely different. How you gonna cut from Alexa leading and hearing the Fiend’s laugh, to return to Lacey in charge ???

Dear Cole, why are you calling her Alexis lol. Like I know that’s her real name but, hello??

oof Alexa’s midsection is beet red.

Lacey has not been putting on a “clinic” stop tossing that term around, Cole. Good bump by Alexa though.

Love how Lacey doesn’t mind landing flat when her moonsault misses. Respect. Her and Charlotte both eat that so perfectly.

LOVE how the monitors of people turned into Fiend’s face. POINTS.

It’s like she’s reverted back to her heel persona. This is literally 2016 Bliss, right? Right??

Roman is a large, strong, intimidating guy... but holy shit the visual of 5′1 Alexa staring daggers into the back of his head is intense af. I almost complained that he cut off her exit, but well done with the continuity.

Highlight: I’m really digging the Alexa/Fiend story

---

Clash of Champions:

Loving the red roots, hate the eyeshadow.

See, if Asuka wants to fuck around in the ring, you won’t hear me complain. I just wish she took her non-wrestling segments more seriously.

The patience Asuka gave Zelina to set up the arm kick was dumb.

“A hard arm bar by Asuka,” he says, even though her legs were completely bent. Easy on the credit given plz.

Zelina telegraphs too much. None of the bumps she takes ever catch me by surprise.

In the spirit of being fair, put your fucking shoulders down and let her attempt a pinfall, Asuka.

Haha Sasha-lite did meteora in the corner.

Nice roll into a kick, half point for Zelina.

No you don’t get to sell frustration or disbelief yet, that’s not buyable.

I don’t know wtf Zelina was going for with that counter before the Asuka Lock, but honestly idc. Could’ve been a kickoff match indeed. State of Becky’s title btw.

Every week it’s the same shit with Asuka. She gets on the mic, speaks Japanese, barely accomplishes anything, then gets interrupted/slapped/attacked... with dancing and smiling inbetween. I really wish she was more like Io.

Nikki isn’t “medically cleared to compete”, and the tag team titles aren’t being defended. My memory is fuzzy but wasn’t there some covid concerns going around back then? Was that just baseless speculation?

Love that Bayley turned this into an opportunity to be a bigger douche than she already was lol.

IS SHE DOING A VICTORY LAP LMAO

I want to hate this from a smarky “give other women a chance” perspective, but Bayley is an ass and this is great for Asuka to build credit as a face, and after being made to look foolish yet again. Lesgo.

Lol sounded like Bayley said, “you think you can cuck me?” I’m sure she didn’t. I’m choosing to believe she did though.

I never know exactly who to blame when Asuka’s Codebreaker looks ugly, but I swear Charlotte is the only one it looks impactful with. Sell job isn’t the problem, but taking that actual move is always dicey af.

Great kick by Asuka. Rekt.

Bayley says nah fuck this rofl. Fair ending; a fun little sprint of meaningless jabs.

“Chairwoman of SD” I like that too, Graves. Points to you.

LMAOOO Bayley set that shit up perfectly kekekek what’s up Sasha.

She be looking fucking incredible, but that neckbrace is a mega bummer.

Character wise, I’m surprised Bayley’s choosing to dole out punishment rather than taking her title and bolting.

Welp maybe she should have, Sasha going to town lmao.

oof peep that red line going down Bayley’s arm. eesh. Welts all over her back.

Highlight: Sasha beating the shit out of Bayley with a kendo stick

---

*BONUS*

Main Event:

You don’t pan the camera over to fucking commentary during Bianca’s entrance. Do better @ production.

Ruby puts her confidence in Liv even though everybody knows Bianca is winning this match lmao.

LOVE Liv’s boots.

like 20 seconds into the match and it’s already 10x better than the Bianca vs Billie Kay one. Don’t even waste a spot on Main Event for Billie Kay. No, I’m not not sorry for saying that.

It’s not that I hold issue with Bianca’s showboating or mannerisms, but it’s all so much more fitting for a heel.

Beautiful stalling suplex, but Liv is rather small.

Beautiful distance on that dropkick to Liv. Liv gets points for throwing herself so far.

We have enough women who rip their shirts off deep into matches, me thinks. Don’t need it from Liv as well.

Momentum could’ve been split better, but that was a decent match.

---

*Clash of Champions would be my highlighted event mostly thanks to Bayley, but if that’s a cop out, I’ll give a slight nod to Smackdown’s handling of Alexa.

[hlupdate]

So what does a young superstar spend his time thinking about? Classic rock, mostly, along with the occasional movie or TV show. Harry Styles has always been a voracious scholar of pop history — the kind of guy who obsesses over John and Yoko album covers and Fleetwood Mac deep cuts. “We’re all just fans,” he says. “I’m just a music fan who happens to make some.” These are just a few of Harry’s favorite things — some influences, some inspirations, some heroes.

Listen along to our Harry Styles playlist here.

Van Morrison The Irish blues bard was down and out in Boston when he wrote his brooding 1968 song cycle Astral Weeks. “It’s my favorite album ever,” Harry says. “Completely perfect.” Harry recently posed with his idol for a backstage photo — inspiring Van to smile, which doesn’t happen too often. The grin is so out of character for Van, Harry jokes, “I was tickling him behind his back.” (He’s kidding, obviously.) On his first tour, before going onstage, he played “Madame George” over the speakers — the epic ballad of a Belfast drag queen. “‘Madame George’ is one of my favorites — nine minutes. I’ve got some long songs but not my nine-minute one — it hasn’t quite come through yet.”

Joni Mitchell Harry got so obsessed with her 1971 classic Blue, he went on a quest. “I was in a big Joni hole,” he says. “I kept hearing the dulcimer all over Blue. So I tracked down the lady who built Joni’s dulcimers in the Sixties. She still lives around here.” He not only found her, she invited him over. “I went to her house and she gave me a little lesson — we sat around and played dulcimers.” She built the dulcimer Harry plays on his new album. “Blue and Astral Weeks, that’s just the ultimate in terms of songwriting. Melody-wise, they’re in their own lane. Joni and Van, their freedom with melodies — it’s never quite what you thought was coming, yet it’s always so great.”

Etta James The hard-living R&B legend could do it all, from raw Chess blues to pop-soul torch ballads. Harry is a devotee of her 1960 debut album At Last! “This whole album is perfect. On that record you have ‘I Just Want to Make Love to You’ going right into ‘At Last,’ which has to be one of the greatest one-twos ever. Her ad libs are so intense. It’s like, ‘Come on, Etta — tell us how you really feel.’”

Wings Paul McCartney’s 1970s band left behind a slew of shaggy art-pop oddities. Harry swears by London Town and Back to the Egg. “While I was in Tokyo I used to go to a vinyl bar, but the bartender didn’t have Wings records. So I brought him Back to the Egg. ‘Arrow Through Me,’ that was the song I had to hear every day when I was in Japan.” The 1971 suite Ram was divisive for Beatles fans at the time, but for Harry it was a psychedelic experience: while making the album, he and his band enjoyed it while lying out in the sunshine on mushrooms. “I love Ram so much — I used to think it was a mixed bag, but that’s part of its beauty. And the one that’s just called McCartney, with the cherries on the cover and ‘The Lovely Linda’ on it.”

John & Yoko: Above Us Only Sky Documentary A deep dive into the world of John Lennon and Yoko Ono, during the making of Imagine. “I watched Above Us Only Sky on Netflix,” Harry says. “Seeing him play ‘Imagine’ on piano made me want to take piano lessons.” One of his favorite Lennon songs: “Jealous Guy,” especially the Donnie Hathaway cover. “Have you ever heard the original version of ‘Jealous Guy’? It was called ‘Child of Nature.’ Every time I play ‘Jealous Guy,’ I can’t help singing ‘Child of Nature.’ I really like Mind Games too. My favorite-ever album cover is the John and Yoko Live Peace in Toronto. So beautiful: it’s blue sky with one cloud, and that’s it.”

Carole King For a playback of his new music, Harry arranges to listen at Henson Studios in Hollywood, which used to be the old A&M Studios, in Studio B. Why? “It’s the room where Carole King recorded Tapestry.” Obsessive pop scholar that he is, Harry reveres King as both a singer and songwriter. His favorite: “So Far Away.” “How do people make shit like this?”

Crosby, Stills and Nash These three hippie balladeers summed up the mellow West Coast soft-rock vibe, despite their chemical wreckage. (For the full story, see the great new band bio by Rolling Stone’s David Browne.) “Those harmonies, man,” Harry says. “‘Helplessly Hoping’ is the song I would play if I had three minutes to live. It’s one of my ‘one more time before I go’–type songs.”

The Other Two TV Series He’s a big fan of the Comedy Central series. “It’s a brother and a sister — they’re the Two — and their younger brother becomes a viral YouTube sensation. He’s a Justin Bieber–type thing. He’s 13, and it’s basically those two dealing with that. It’s really funny.” (He’s got a thing for absurdist pop scenes like this — he also recommends the documentary When the Screaming Stops, about a bizarre reunion gig from the Eighties twin-brother duo Bros.)

Paul Simon “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover,’ that’s the greatest verse melody ever written, in my opinion,” Harry says. “So minimal, but so good — that drum roll. ‘The Boxer’ is a perfect lyric, especially that first verse.” Paul Simon was one of his childhood soundtracks, with or without Art Garfunkel. “I grew up in a pub for a few years when I was a kid and Simon and Garfunkel were just constantly playing, always. Every time ‘Cecilia’ started, I’d be like, ‘I think I’ve heard this a hundred times today.’”

Hall and Oates “For my 21st birthday, I had a big party, and I convinced myself I really wanted Hall and Oates to play. I knew it wasn’t going to happen — I just had to ask. But just a few months before, they went into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, so whatever it was, it was now three times as much as it used to be. Their rate just tripled — ah, fuck.”

Peter Gabriel, “Sledgehammer” Video “The greatest music video ever. I also love that Eighties synth pan-whistle sound — it basically just exists in this song and ‘My Heart Will Go On.’”

Elvis Presley “The first music I ever heard was Elvis Presley. When I was little, we got a karaoke machine and I sang Elvis, because that’s what my grandparents listened to. I made my grandfather a tape of me doing Elvis songs on one side and all Eminem on the other side. Unfortunately, I accidentally played him the wrong side.”

Harry Nilsson The legendary L.A. eccentric could croon middle-of-the-road hit ballads like “Without You,” but also a crazed weirdo who caroused with John Lennon and pursued his own lunatic pop fantasies. In other words, Harry Styles’ type of guy. “I think of all the great songwriters I love — but they all had their pop songs. Joni Mitchell with ‘Help Me,’ Paul Simon with ‘You Can Call Me Al,’ Harry Nilsson with ‘Coconut.’ You have to conquer the fear of pop.”

Stevie Nicks The Gold Dust Woman and her “little muse” are everybody’s favorite rock friendship. At the Hall of Fame ceremony in March, the sight of Harry dropping to one knee as he hands the award to a radiant Stevie — one of the iconic cross-generational images of our time. They first sang together in L.A. two years ago, when she made a surprise guest appearance at one of his first solo shows. “One of my favorite-ever musical memories. We sang ‘Landslide’ as a soundcheck, and that was even cooler for me than the show — just me and her, in an empty Troubadour.”

They just sang “Landslide” at a Gucci event in Rome, with Harry hitting impossible high notes on the final “snooooow-covered hills.” “We practiced in the dressing room,” he says. He’s got the rehearsal footage on his phone — when he hits that note, guitarist Waddy Wachtel is too stunned to keep playing. “That’s my favorite bit,” Harry says. “Practicing the song together. Just the two of us.”

[quarantineessayseries]

Issue #1: Food Timelapses

He fires his hyper-jets and blasts off into the fifth dimension, into a world beyond human comprehension, into a world where time has no meaning.

- Calvin and Hobbes, 06/08/1986

Entering a world where time has no meaning hasn’t been half that exciting. There was no blast-off, and there’s not really that much to comprehend. There’s a virus, and people have been giving it to each other, so if we don’t want to get it or spread it we have to stay inside. It’s very simple.

What’s not simple is remembering what day it is. Holding on to a daily routine is hard when you can’t conceptualize the future. These past several (I think between four and seven) weeks have evaporated, and it’s impossible to say how many more will be subsumed by the quarantine before we can get out and do whatever it was we used to do all the time.

Fortunately, I’ve been keeping track of all the shit I’ve watched on the internet to make these weeks fly by the way they have. If I can’t glean at least one essay from each subgenre, then I might have to face the fact that I’m spending too much time on YouTube. That doesn’t sound fun at all, so here it is: the first issue of the Quarantine Essay Series. It’s about food timelapses.

This is not a niche thing. There’s not a lot to explain, either. A fade-in to a slow zoom on a banana slice, an accelerating timer in the corner, and a mass of ants that rush in and steadily reduce the banana to a tiny pile of crumbs. Another slow zoom as the footage plays again in reverse, and the video is over. With Temponaut Timelapse, you know what you’re going to get, and you get it in high quality, within an efficient, comforting format, and with some top-shelf stock music underneath. This is why 317,000 people have pushed the thumbs up button underneath the title Ants vs Banana Timelapse.

Other bright stars of the Temponaut stage include mold and maggots. Mold is the best. It’s vibrant, unpredictable, and just as efficient as the ants, without all the chaos. Mold goes through stages- on bananas it goes for surface coverage, but with a papaya it will start on the inside and grow its way out. On pineapple, at least three distinct colors of mold battle for dominance, and in a smoothie tiny spores grow like soft trees. In the channel’s third most-viewed video, green mold sucks down a whole glass of white wine. It’s awesome.

If I had any control over the flow of time, quarantine would be over and I wouldn’t have to waste so much of it online. Fortunately, I do have control over YouTube’s playback speed, and the “2x” option not only smooths out the motion but makes the royalty-free instrumental bangers infinitely more manic and interesting. My other recommendation is not to watch any of the ones with raw meat. In the best case scenario, it appears to cook on its own for a few days before shrinking and turning colors that my animal instincts tell me are very, very bad. The worst case is when the mysterious, gloved owner of the Temponaut studio lets in a couple flies, and a roiling family of maggots jostles and drags the cut around the table like a fucked-up little car. It sucks.

The best thing about this channel is that reverse at the end of every video. It would still be popular without it, because if people didn’t have an innate need to see things happen at different speeds the Slow Mo Guys wouldn’t have a bus ad. But that quick reverse- the reliable, perfect undoing of a steady, natural process- creates a weird kind of happy ending. I don’t know about everyone else, but seeing a caprese salad wasted without it coming back to life at the end would leave a bad taste in my mouth.

I don’t think I want these essays to function as recommendations, but this is a channel I’ll vouch for. There’s no distracting human element, no wasted time, and there’s a giant back catalog you can blow through at double speed. Surrender to the stock music and the mold will suck up your time like wine.

Next on the Quarantine Essay Series: To Catch a Predator

[tycoons-official]

Tycoons Off Duty (2017)

Run time: 6-10 minutes

Genre: Reality Show

Status: Ongoing

• 'Tycoons Off Duty' is a video clip series that is uploaded to Tycoons' official YouTube channel, showing their daily lives behind the scenes through raw, minimally edited footage either recorded in third person view or 'vlog style' as Tycoons wanted the viewers to feel like they are a further part of their life. The first vlog was released on the 25th of January, well over 3 weeks after promotions for 'Tycoons The Album' and 'MAFIA' are done.

• These clips show their slow/lazy everyday routines that mostly include watching television on the sofa, playing games and eating snacks together, or occasionally they'd go out to buy groceries, run errands here and there and maybe even greet fans on the side. Most of the time the siblings are even shown bickering, having silly fights and taking care of each other like how normal siblings do, and many people find these antics to be endearing, funny and —for the most part— relatable.

Cooking with Carmen (2017)

Run time: 15-18 minutes

Genre: Cooking Show

Status: Ongoing

• 'Cooking with Carmen' is a video series that stars Carmen cooking dishes and baking desserts of all sorts, whilst also showing off her culinary skills and using them to boost Tycoons' popularity. The series was created upon the fall season when Tyke has to go away to do his annual military service after doing his initial one.

• Carmen isn't as flashy with her 'acrobatics' around the kitchen as other chefs are, but she makes up for it in food presentation, flavor and aesthetic. The company's team also decided to occasionally allow a bit of ASMR to the videos before cueing back in with some soft accompanying music.

• Capos enjoy this series as it shows a different side of Carmen they'd never thought they'd see, being such a bold, sexy, stoic character on stage, and they found it fascinating and endearing. They seem to be highly interested in how Carmen could've become a chef instead of an idol by how talented she is (or, how talented she's made to seem) and made fanfictional 'alternate universes' or 'AU's where Tycoons are running a family-owned cafe with Carmen was the head chef and Tyke was the Barista. Tycoons themselves enjoy reading these fanfiction stories and get shocked or rather amused by how accurate or inaccurate the way their Capos interpret their personalities without even meeting them.

A Talk with Tyke (2017)

Run time: 15-18 minutes

Genre: Talk Show

Status: On Hold

• 'A Talk with Tyke' is a show that stars Tyke as the main host. It is predominantly a talking show that discusses upon several random topics ranging from school bullying to internet dating to socks, accompanied by funny animations and picture scenery inserts that filled the empty space of green screen behind Tyke, that would sometimes cut into view as he made mistakes while talking or if he's laughing too hard and needed a break or if he said something too funny that even the staff had to laugh. The show is often seen as a 'sibling series' to 'Cooking with Carmen' where his sister is mainly starred, and Capos seem to really like the coincidences.

• The show covers on a certain topic, as mentioned before, and at first Tyke starts talking a little more seriously about it but until the half end of the video is when he starts making jokes as funny edited scenes cut in from everywhere else. There have been recent collaborations with Tyke's own sister and other Tycoons Carmen, Stray Kids' Changbin and Woojin, TWICE's Momo and Chaeyoung, and Park Jimin of former group AOA.

• Capos that were also fans of a show called RuPaul's Drag Race often compare this show to one called 'UNHhhh' that features two of it's former contestants for it's comedic use of flashy edited pictures and sound effects, floating words and funny topics. They've dubbed it the 'Korean UNHhhh minus the drag', though again, this is debatable.

Tycoons' Secret Wish (2018)

Run time: 30-45 minutes

Genre: Reality Show

Status: Ongoing

• 'Tycoons' Secret Wish' is a show that stars both members of Tycoons and is about the idols meeting certain fans who have been struggling with familial, social, monetary or internal battles and had friends and/or family members secretly sent ask letters to JYP Entertainment's main building with the special secret wish code, also known as, 'I call upon the Godfather' as well as a proper reason as to why they wanted their friend/family member to join the show and have their idols see them in order to be accepted by the show. The show is meant to promote the idea that idols can help those struggling hard by listening to their concerns and offering moral support from said idols' experience. Being that Tycoons have witnessed and experienced unfair deaths, inequality and a deteriorating hope during their childhood, they are considered well versed in this moral giving concept.

• The series would always start with Tycoons leaving the JYP building and telling the viewers about who their visitee is, what their background is like, whom sent in the ask letter, and why they would need to send in the letter. Then the duo will get in their transport car with one of their managers and go to the location of the visitee and meet them by surprise which comes into the idea of a 'secret wish.'

• Capos enjoy the series and is dubbed by Vogue as one of the best foreign television series to ever grace the TV screens all over the world, however, this is of course debatable. Unfortunately this show was published a couple months before Tyke has to leave for his annual military service after serving his initial one, and had to stay on hold for a couple of weeks so Tyke can come back and rest, and also regrow his hair back.

Tycoons Off Duty

• In a scene from episode 15 of season 1 [by far the most controversial and popular episode to this date] the episode starts off with Carmen greeting the camera with a croaky morning voice ["Good morning Capos, and everyone who's watching this, Tyke's asleep, and I'm Carmen, and together we are Tycoons"] before momentarily setting it down on the kitchen counter, taking what looked to be medicine pills from the kitchen cabinet above her before bringing them, paired with a glass of water, back into the bedroom where Tyke was still sleeping peacefully on their queen-sized bed that they were sharing for the time being. She sets the medicine on the bedside table and proceeds to wake him up, with much convincing and bribing with candies, Tyke soon wakes up and takes the pills that Carmen just took out.

• People of course speculated what those pills could be and on one of their Vlives held not long after this episode aired, Carmen explains to some questioning fans that Tyke does suffer from an illness that needed medication and specified on it being depression. She clarified that she was giving him prescribed medicine given and approved by his psychiatrist and their agency. She even mentions earlier in the Vlive that she already asked permission to their manager about 'breaking the news' to the Capos. [By that she meant telling them about Tyke's depression]

• This ruffled some Korean Capos the wrong way and they began spreading rumors and derogatory comments about Tyke on his and his sister's social media, saying that they should just stop being idols if they had such severe mental problems or if they're just trying to use the illness as a marketing ploy to catch the attention of the public. However the international Capos praised Carmen for being transparent about Tyke's mental illness and Tyke himself for being able to carry out the duties of an idol whilst harboring a mental illness which they presume from other idols' lives and troubles to be extremely demanding physically and mentally.

• By breaking the flawless, perfect image that idols are supposed to uphold, Tycoons both knew that they were going to have to dip into hot waters and apologize whilst also defending themselves by saying that they hope that the media will understand and never forget that music is how Tycoons themselves cope with their internal troubles, and hoped that this terrible and toxic the privilege that fans feel over their idols' personal lives and information will never happen to them or anyone else.

Tycoons' Secret Wish

• In a scene from episode 10 of season 1, Tyke is seen asking his present manager at the time Hyejeong a request to the bathroom while a female fan came into the shot and head locked him, before dragging him towards a room, whilst Hyejeong fought and tried to free the poor idol in the girl's grasp. Carmen darted out of the visitee's room and threw a strong punch at the fan before they were separated by Tycoons' security sent to prevent mobs [or flying sasaengs] and keep the idols safe. The fan seemed to be crazed with awestruckness and love for Tyke as she was giggling and sending kisses towards his direction as he laid on the floor, still shocked and trying to process everything that had just happened.

• Apparently, the fan that had done this to Tyke was a sasaeng and Capos managed to find pictures of the girl at fan signs, concerts, airport arrivals and many more locations, and the visitee felt embarrassed to say that said fan was one of her kpop crazed cousins that originally introduced the visitee to kpop and Tycoons. The girl didn't end up apologizing in her apology nots even though she did say that she regret what she did but hoped to let Tyke notice her next time. [Edit: He didn't SKSKSK]

[amostexcellentblog]

Judy Garland: Reflections on an Icon, Gay or Otherwise

Today, June 22, 2019, marks the 50th anniversary of the day we lost one of the world’s greatest entertainers, Judy Garland. In just a few days time we will observe an even more momentous 50th anniversary, that of the Stonewall Uprising which birthed the modern LGBTQ equality movement. If you’re familiar with your queer folk history, you’ll know there are those who claim this close timing is not a coincidence. But we’ll get to that later.

I first encountered Garland the way most people do--my parents showed me The Wizard of Oz when I was little. I don’t remember much of the experience aside from wanting to be a flying monkey for Halloween, and that “Over the Rainbow” made me cry, which was the first time any piece of media had made such an impact on me. It never really occurred to me that the woman who sang that song could have had a career beyond Oz until 12 years ago when I was just finishing Middle School and becoming interested in the Old Hollywood era. She was the first star I formed an emotional connection to, and as I happily made my way through her filmography and read up on her life I first encountered the phrase “gay icon.”

I knew what gay meant, obviously. I was vaguely aware of the LGBTQ and marriage equality movements, but at the time I mostly knew “gay” as the insult hurled at me seemingly everyday of Middle School for a series of things I never gave a second thought to but were apparently tell-tale signs that I was that way, and thus a figure deserving of torment--how I carried my books, how I sat, how I looked. My basic opinion of being gay at that point was that it’s fine for other people, but dear god don’t let this be my future!

So, when I realized that the star I was idolizing was famous for being idolized by gay men, I did what I’d become very adept at doing, I ignored the implications. Denial allowed me to spend high school working my way through her films, youtube videos, documentaries, and a biography without really examining why this woman resonated so much with me. So now, as we approached these two anniversaries, it seemed like a good time to finally try to sort through what she meant to me. What I ended up with instead is an essay that’s part personal reflection and part mediation on the meaning of the term “Gay Icon” in the era of Marriage Equality and Corporate-Sponsored Pride.

The term “Gay Icon” has been used to mean several similar, but different types of people. To clarify, when I talk about Gay Icons in this post, I’m talking specifically about a subset of gay icons related to the so-called “Diva Worship” culture among gay men. Nobody really seems to know why exactly gay men are so drawn to larger-than-life women, I’ve heard too many reasons to go into them all now, but even if not all of us go for the cliches (Cher, Gaga, etc.) pretty much every gay man has a female figure--real or fictional--they connect with in a way their straight male peers don’t.

Looking back, it’s obvious why Garland resonated with me. She was chronically insecure, especially about her looks--as was I. She spent her life wanting desperately to for someone to love her unconditionally and to be able to love them back, only to be denied this simple happiness time after time--well, of course that would resonate with a gay audience, especially in her lifetime. And she was a survivor, repeatedly cast aside by the press and the industry as washed up, she continually had the last laugh. She had a strength to her that I wanted. It was a different kind of strength than the physical/masculine kind offered by the pro-athletes and superheroes my male peers emulated, but which I found unrelatable and unappealing. Hers was a strength that came dressed in sequins and high heels, and I just thought it was fabulous.

Garland though, is more than just a gay icon, in a lot of ways she seems to be the gay icon. The popular code phrase “friend of Dorothy” is generally assumed to be a reference to her character in Oz. She maintained close friendships with gay men throughout her life, with whom she would frequent illegal gay bars on both coasts. Her father was a closeted homosexual, and biographers have speculated this is why so many of the men she was attracted to, both as friends and romantically, turned out to be gay or bi. She was one of the first celebrities to have their gay following acknowledged in the mainstream press. There’s even footage on youtube of her being asked directly about why she attracts so many “homosexuals,” and she is visibly thrown by it.

To understand why Garland would be so flustered over that question, it’s important to understand how being popular with the gay community was perceived in her lifetime. William Goldman’s The Season, his influential book about the 1967–68 season on and off Broadway, includes an account from an unnamed screenwriter friend describing a mid-1960s cocktail party that offers a fascinating glimpse at just that:

I can’t explain her appeal, but I saw it work once in this crazy way. I was at a party in Malibu... There were a lot of actors there, the word on them was that they were queer, but this was a boy-girl party, everyone was paired off, and these beautiful men and gorgeous broads were talking together and drinking together. Anyway, everything’s going along and it’s sunny, I’m getting a little buzzed... when I realized, Garland was in the room.

The guy she’s with, her husband, supports her as she plops down in this chaise, and says what she wants to drink and he goes off to get it. And she’s sitting all alone and for a minute there was nothing, and then this crazy thing started to happen. Every homosexual in the place, every guy you’d heard whispered about, they left the girls they were with and started to mass move towards Garland. She didn’t ask for it, she was just sitting there, while all these beautiful men circled her. They crowded around her and pretty soon she’s disappeared behind this expansive male fence. It may not sound like all that much, but I’m telling you, she magnetized them. 

I’ll never forget all those famous secret guys moving across this gorgeous patio without a sound, and her just sitting there, blinking. And then they were on her, and she was gone. (x)

Another passage describing one of her concerts in 1967, from Goldman himself, is even more blunt:

Another flutter of fags, half a dozen this time, and watching it all from a corner--two heterosexual married couples. “These fags” the first man says, “it’s like Auschwitz, some of them died along the way but a lot of them got here anyhow!” He turns to the other husband and shrugs, “Tonight, no one goes to the bathroom.” (x)

Both passages, laced with condescension, homophobia, and misogyny, are nevertheless useful windows into a pre-Stonewall way of looking at how far gay culture has come. Today Lady Gaga can sing “Don’t be a drag just be a queen” on a lead single and still reign as a queen of pop music, back then any association with homosexuality was enough to taint you. Garland’s popularity with gay men opens her up to condescending mockery, while gay men’s mere existence at a public event is enough to terrify the heterosexual attendees.

Still, the most revealing part of that last passage might not be the homophobia, but the opening reference to “another flutter of fags, half a dozen.” The fact that a decent amount of gay men evidently felt comfortable enough to express themselves at least somewhat openly at a mainstream public event is notable. In this pre-Stonewall era such openness was generally reserved for bars and other covert safe spaces.

Which brings us back to the first paragraph. If you know any queer folk history, then you’ve probably heard this one--Judy Garland’s funeral sparked the Stonewall Uprising. That fateful night in June the Stonewall Inn was packed with gay men still emotionally raw from losing their idol, so much so that when the police raided the joint they channeled that anger and loss, and fought back, and the modern LGBTQ movement was born! It’s a story that would solidify Garland’s status as the definitive gay icon, a martyr for the cause, (move over Harvey Milk!) Except, it’s not true. It’s been debunked multiple times. Most recently in this video from the NY Times.

I bring it up though, because even if she wasn’t the cause, she was still connected to that historic night, if only indirectly. Even as the NY Times video debunks the myth of her funeral causing it, two of the uprising’s participants interviewed do admit to being at Garland’s funeral, which really was held just hours before the violence started. Other accounts from people who patronized Stonewall have said that “Judy Garland” was a popular fake name to use on a sign-in book at the entrance. In other words, even if she didn’t cause them, she was still an important figure for some of the people who went on to build the modern equality movement.

As a final thought to wrap this all up, I’ve been thinking about Garland and her status as a gay icon. It’s no secret that as the years have passed by she’s been somewhat supplemented by younger icons for younger generations. There’s been some question over whether Garland even has a place in a gay culture that now has people like Lady Gaga and “Born This Way,” openly acknowledging their gay fans in ways Garland never could. 

At the same time, I can’t help but feel the recent debate over Taylor Swift’s gay-themed music video demonstrates why Garland still deserves her Gay Icon status, even if most younger queer people today don’t have the same connection to her that older generations did. Swift’s video, chocked full of every out celebrity who would return her calls and saturated in a rainbow-hue, has faced criticism for being “performative activism.” That after being fairly silent on the issue for so long she’s now trying to cash-in on the movement by branding her single a new gay anthem for Pride Month. The fact that with one exception, which misuses the word “shade,” the lyrics to the song sound more like they’re referring to Swift’s online haters rather than anti-LGBTQ bigots, certainly helps the critics’ case. As does the fact that Swift never seemed to have much interest in building a large gay following before this.

Yet there’s also a sense that this was inevitable. Corporations already roll out rainbow colored logos for Pride, in retrospect it seems obvious that celebrities, and their PR firms, would start deliberately trying to market themselves as a gay icon without first taking the time to build a large following in the LGBTQ community. (Gaga’s established gay fanbase undoubtedly blunted similar criticisms of “Born This Way,” for example.) Garland in this case then serves as a symbol of a time when the Gay Icon title wasn’t anointed by marketing campaigns, but emerged organically from a genuine affection for an individual held by a large number of queer people. A reminder of how important that affection was to members of our community, (and still is to many of us) even if it could only go one-way. And perhaps even a warning, of what we might lose if we let this important part of gay subculture be transformed into just another marketing gimmick.

But I’ll leave all that for another time. For now, I’ll just say, thank you Judy Garland. Thank you for all the joy and comfort you’ve given to generations of gay men. And thank you especially for the companionship you gave me while I was still figuring some things out.