#watching a YouTuber I like blow up his friends for the 3rd time in the first video? absurdly entertaining

[sanuske-ramblings]

One of the most interesting things about Helldivers 2 is how poorly the pre-release footage of the game conveyed the absolute chaos and insanity of the game.

I understand why the marketing would’ve wanted a more scripted and tactical showcase for something like a State Of Play, but the optimal marketing for the game would just be a squad of 4 people who don’t know what they were doing screaming into their USB Microphones as they fail to complete a single objective.

[usermaha]

Alright time to ramble about I Need U & Run!!

But!! For us to really be able to discuss these 2 in depth, we need to add in a 3rd player—On Stage: Prologue

The order to watch them in is: I Need U -> On Stage: Prologue -> Run

OS:P actually has Butterfly as the main song in it and they actually have Butterfly - Prologue Mix on Spotify which I loooove listening to

Anyway! I Need U focuses mainly on the tragedy that kicks off the time loop—we see everyone but Seokjin having tragic fates (tho we don’t really see Namjoon’s fate, we just see him having a rough time at the gas station, tho that is important for his character’s storyline). Most importantly, we see Taehyung stab and kill his father.

Which is where OS:P kicks off. There’s a version on YouTube where a fan has subtitled it bc the original doesn’t have English subtitles, but we see that Taehyung calls (presumably) Namjoon and tells him that he wants to see his friends, immediately after he tries to wash his father’s blood off of his hands. Taehyung then goes to an abandoned pool where the rest of the guys meet up with him, and they have fun. 

They then hang out outside of Namjoon’s boxcar (the same one we see at the beginning of Run) and light a fire, similar to what we see in I Need U. We see Namjoon have the running motif of Reflections/Mirrors as he writes “We Must Survive” on his mirror, we see Yoongi have the running motif of fire as he pensively flicks his lighter, we see a Polaroid of the ocean view from I Need U in Seokjin’s hands. Seokjin is the observer—he’s the one who always has a camera, a camcorder. Jungkook blows out Yoongi’s fire, foreshadowing how he’s the only one who can save him from his fiery suicide attempt.

Then we go to the beach, and we see Seokjin’s black pickup—a very important object that helps establish if something is within the BU or not. It’s like TXT’s hatchback in 0X1=LOVESONG, LO$ER=LOVER, and GBGB JP—it helps establish that these are in the same universe. (Ironically, I think those 3 MVs are telling an independent story to TXT’s The Star Seekers, which includes Nap of a Star, Magic Island, Run Away, Can’t You See Me?, Eternally, and FROST—those are the MVs that are connected to the BU via the odd-eyed cat)

We see Namjoon’s gas station again, we see Seokjin take a picture with Yoongi, then we’re at the same pier from I Need U. Yoongi and Jungkook share a moment that feels….a little more intimidate, at least from Jungkook’s side, than what is platonic (it’s widely theorized that Yoongi & Jungkook in the storyline are in love, which—there’s a lot of lines in the novellas that hint at that, specifically one line from I think Hoseok where he asks Yoongi, “Why don’t you go see Jungkook? Don’t you know what you mean to him?” and Yoongi thinks to himself something like, “of course I do. That’s why I can’t go see him.”)

Then………Taehyung climbs the tower and jumps. It pauses before he hits the water and we learn in the Notes novellas that that’s bc this action sent Seokjin back in time

But……y’know where he does hit the water?

Run.

Run opens with Butterfly playing faintly in the background as Taehyun falls backwards into water. Throughout the video he’s thrashing underwater, seemingly drowning. Throughout the video, we see Seokjin looking at the camera with a thousand-yard stare, like he’s remembering the time loops (Seokjin doesn’t have the ability to remember the time loops at first, but then he’s granted the power to remember so he can use his memories to help try to fix things).

We see Namjoon and Taehyung spraying graffiti together, a running motif for the pair of them. We see Seokjin building a house of cards—BTS’ song House of Cards plays during the end credits of OS:P. Taehyung knocks over the house of cards, representing how him jumping off the tower ruined Seokjin’s plans. We see Hoseok and Jimin in a mental hospital together, which is a very important location for the both of them and explored more in the Notes, the Webtoon, and the LIE and MAMA short films

Namjoon picks up a playing card with a Butterfly on it—referencing OS:P

Ah, the iconic Yoonkook fight. When Yoongi breaks the mirror, Seokjin reacts strangely, like he’s expecting to go back in time—since the sound of breaking glass is one of the things he hears when the loop restarts. We even see smeraldo flowers in this scene, in the mirror’s reflection before Yoongi breaks it, which Seokjin has for his date in Highlight Reels. I have a tattoo of a smeraldo flower lol

And in the tunnel scene, there’s Seokjin’s truck again!

Jimin getting pulled into the bathtub references how he tries to drown himself in the bathtub in I Need U

And then! The credits are Butterfly and the behind the scenes clips include clips from OS:P

OS:P actually has a deleted scene at the end that was taken out of the original but I think you can still find it on YouTube, where Seokjin pulls out the Polaroid of himself and Yoongi, but he’s no longer in the photo. At the end of Run, after the credits, we see a shot of them all at the beach, on Seokjin’s truck—but when we see I Need U Jimin holding the Polaroid of that photo, Seokjin is gone.

I’m sure I missed some things, there’s one thing in particular I know I’m forgetting, but this is already so much lol I need to calm down

literally everything is falling into place now. I had a feeling Run was related to I Need U. The use of imagery like the boxcar and the pickup is a really effective way to establish continuity especially in MVs where you dont have much time to communicate. but i missed on almost all the things you described here. Mostly bc of the missing piece of the puzzle, On Stage: Prologue, that is connecting the two pieces together (as well as additional context in the novellas)

I really like how, even if i was lost on the story, i could catch on the undercurrents of tension and doom between their moments of bliss. Again, excellent video. My initial interpretation was waay off though. I thought they were slowly readjusting to normalcy after their suicide attempts. But this is more like their last moments of normalcy before hell breaks loose. Or not actually last bc it will repeat till eternity.

Yoonkook is… interesting. Like yes let’s add more drama into the mix, between that and Taehyung’s suspicion on Seokjin its a perfect recipe for a friend group collapse. The Smeraldo flower being a symbol of magic… reminds me of the flower in Tangled honestly, how it glows… your tattoo must be so cool omg BU and BTS must mean so much to you like… music be really out there saving our lives huh

[belleta]

The Forest - Part One

Consists: Supernatural, SKZ as different SN creatures, adventure, romance, drama, action, ......still trying to figure out all the details....lol XD

"Come on Y/N!", I was racing around the house. Trying to make sure I had everything for this trip. "Omg Y/N, let's GO~!" I swear to the universe she's going to thank me later. " I'm coming child!" I screamed back. Alrighty I just need my retainer. I bounded up the stairs and glided down the hallway with my cotton socks. Bursting into my room, I quickly scanned it for the sparkly emerald case. I caught sight of it out of the corner of my eye, "Boom!" I ran forward and snatched it off my windowsill. While leaping for my door, I paused and turned back to what I call my sanctuary. Call me paranoid but I'm kinda afraid of camping in the middle of the woods. Ever since I watched "The Blair Witch Project", I've been creeped.

It doesn't help that Jazzy forced us to watch the film, previous to this morning. I was drifting in the fairy floss clouds of my mind when a loud honk poured water on them. I sucked in a breath, blowing raspberries. Padding back over to my bedside, I grabbed my Ice Bear plushie. Giving it a quick squeeze and finally deciding that he's coming with me. Galloping back through the house, I made it out, locked the door and hopped in the back seat like a spring rabbit. "What took you so long?" I gazed up through my fringe at my girl bestie Jazmine. She had long beautiful honey blonde hair, and a mousy nose. Her blue eyes were alike with pebbles under a lake, with cheeks connected by a dash of light freckles. "I swear I just aged waiting for you" and Danny, our guy bestie. I've been best friends with Danny, since 3rd grade. Jazzy moved over during the 5th grade. All three of us have been with each other through thick and thin. Daniel was Hawaiian Japanese descent, had perfect colorful nails and absolutely gorgeous eye makeup. We were all dressed in casual, comfy clothes for the trip. Jazmine, or Jazzy as people call her, as the oldest. She was driving Danny's dad's truck. It was spacious and definitely was fit for the environment. Danny, second eldest was in shotgun and I, being the "baby", was in the back. "I was just making sure I have everything." The two rolled their eyes. Danny looked back at me "Girl, you need to chill. We've got everything and more" the boy stated. "I know, I know.....I'm just paranoid, you know.....being in the woods for a week" I looked down at my feet and played with my fingers to cover my embarressedness. "Awww, is the baby scared", Jazzy giggled, imitating a child. I swatted at her, "Let's just...finally go" I grumbled, reaching inside my bag to pull out my headphones. "Fine" they answered teasingly. While Jazzy was pulling out, I fastened myself and slid my headphones on. Bluetoothing them and unlocking my phone, I scrolled through my YouTube Music playlist finding the one named 'Bell Mix'. After that, I went back to the truffula trees and fairy floss. Just listening to my music and thinking about things. There were a couple times, where I thought I might get sick, but I had remembered my motion sickness bracelets. In your face! It's better to set out a little later, rather than having our vehicle reeking of my insides. 2 or 3 hours went by, or something. I'm not really sure, my brain doesn't really have a sense of time when I'm inside of it. We stopped to use the bathroom, get food and fuel at a gas station, maybe 2 hours away from the forest. "Can I, can I, can I, can I PLEASE?!?" I had been begging Jazzy to let me buy a bag of Haribo for 10 minutes now, and she was starting to break. I'm very persuasive as you find out, and I happen to be a very prominent weakness to many throughout my life. She finally gave in and I bounced away to the candy isle with glee and happily picked out a bag, promising to share. Jazzy just rolled her eyes and paid for our things. We trotted back to the car and continued our journey. It was nearing the end of 2pm when we finally arrived at the edge of the forest. It's lushes were absolutely perfectly splendid. The road continued for a hot minute, until it gave away to dirt and rocks. We didn't want to stray too far from the dirt road, so we slowly kept moving in until I suddenly exclaimed at the sight of a pretty little clearing. It had a few little bushes marking the edges, thick but soft looking grass, and a little dirt patch at one side that should be perfect for a firepit. We pulled over to take a look around, flattening a few bushes in the process. As soon as the truck came to a stop I shoved the door open and sprung down onto the flourishing forest floor. The first thing I did was take a deep breath to soak in the sweet scent of the untouched earth. I reached up, stretching and cracking a few of my bones in the process. Then I raced through the trees and undergrowth, toward the beautiful glade. It felt so nice to get away from civilization, I had always loved

getting away like this. Being able to recharge away from annoying people and sounds, my fears of the night were long forgotten. I was two steps away from the grass when I suddenly tripped over something. Tumbling forward and scratching my cheek. I landed on my face, but on the bright side it was luckily with no rocks around. The dirt however spared me at nothing, crawling into my fresh scrapes, was a sharp and quick stinging as I grabbed my face. "Seriously Y/N, we haven't even completely left the car yet and you've already managed to hurt yourself" Jazzy declared. Danny chimed in, "Did you hurt yourself at all?". Quickly inspecting myself, I responded "Yes, a tiny bit on my cheek, hands and knees", I could hear them muttering to themselves about how reckless I was sometimes. They started toward me and as I waited for them to catch up, I decided to look around and figure out where to put things for these next few days. While ogling the decently wide stretch that was conveniently shielded by a mighty sugar maple. I thought I saw something in the undergrowth a few meters away from me. I grabbed my glasses and narrowed my eyes, but right when I thought I saw whatever it was, two flashes shot in the opposite direction between the ferns and disappeared. They were kinda hidden but I could sorta make out one of the shapes was darker and slightly bigger. The other was a little bit easier but still was difficult, it was kinda brown, or maybe reddish? At that moment I felt two hands on my shoulders, "Let me see", it was Jazzy. She inspected my injury. "It'll be fine, just wash it off", "Okie-Dokie-Artichokie", she laughed and ruffled my hair. I gazed back at where I saw the two shapes but not even the bushes were still moving. "Hey!" I cocked my head back to the voice "Can you help me?" Danny was struggling to unpack from the back. "Sure thing Danny-O" I quickly stood up, maybe a little too quick. My vision went funny and I almost stumbled. "Oh my god Y/N! Be careful!" Jazzy scolded, "My bad!" I was a little all over the place at the moment. Finally we were on this trip! I mean, I waited 6 months for this and it's finally here! I'm not all childish, I'm actually very 4D. I'm just really excited okay? I more carefully walked back to the truck, where Danny was struggling to keep ahold of what appeared to be the tent. Over the course of the next hour and a half we set up everything. Goofing around and laughing. Danny had been pulling too hard on our sleeping bags, to wedge them out of the trunk. And had accidentally fallen onto the slightly wet dirt, causing a very prominent brown streak across his gray sweatpants and sky blue tie dye hoodie. I was currently on my way to find the stream that is supposably close by, with a screenshot of google maps and a compass. Service wasn't exactly a 5 star out here, but I didn't mind too much. I brought a portable WiFi router with me, so if Jason Vorhees just decided to pull one, we could call for help. Every so often I would hang a wooden heart ornament on one of the tree's branches, so if this was the correct way then we would never get lost. Also so that I didn't get lost right now. I had been making these last night, for these exact reasons. I swear only dumb people don't mark their surroundings, this is one of the main reasons why people disappear and are never found or get lost. There are no traces of where they've been, like these fruit loops really-...... After about another 20 meters I started hearing the sounds of water. It became louder and louder really quickly. Is there a waterfall here? I pondered, while quickening my pace with curiosity. 35 seconds later I came across a thinning in the trees and beyond a clear water stream. I finally broke out of the shelter provided from the thick leaves, the sun kissed my skin with it's warm touch. I looked around and sure enough, there was a small waterfall that looked straight out of a fairytale. It had multiple uneven levels, with smoothed boulders everywhere. And to top it all off, it had little water plants scattered around it. Absolutely

beautiful.... I scanned around and spotted a few giant boulders poking into the stream. I carefully picked my way over to them, clutching onto Danny's muddy clothes. Hopping onto the sunlight warmed stones, I positioned myself perfectly so that I could reach the water but wouldn't fall in. I reached into my pocket for my zip lock of natural soap, of course I didn't want to hurt this literally untouched land. I leaned down to dunk the fabric into the stream's crystal-like water and kneaded the brown smudge. It was decently cold, just perfect for a stream. I turned back to the small bag with a green bar wrapped with brown paper and a little herb decoration. I unzipped it and reached for a tiny hand towel I brought with me so that I would have a better grip on the soap, even if I got wet. After dunking the clothes in I took the bar of soap and swiped it all over. I dipped it into the water once to help the bubble come, then I started aggressively rubbing it. Once the outfit was foaming with suds, I slapped it into the brook. Holding onto the sleeve I rub it harshly all over to get the stains out. It was relatively still easy because the events of cause were only moments before. I was starting to disappear into my thoughts, getting deeper and deeper and deeper....... And just then a crash and from the trees, followed by snarls and barks. I was so lost in my thought that this jolted me into the canal. The water suddenly became ice cold, my scream had been washed away. A surge of water filled my lungs from the way my mouth was open to yelp. I could still hear the sounds of fighting every so often, when I would surface. My head was hurting, my skin was stinging and my lungs were screaming. Someone.....please help..... It was hurting so much, I was trying not to panic. So I could find the surface and get back to shore. I would break through it's crisp arctic clutches every so often and would cry out for help but then get cut off by the now frosty darkness. I was giving up to the stream and submitting to the coldness. Letting it swallow me whole. I was numb, I couldn't feel my body being thrown around anymore, Is this how my story ends? No! I don't want to! I still have things to do! I need to graduate, and find my passion! I need to find a man who will love me as much as I do! I need to birth young and care for them! I want to grow old with my partner happily! I can't die yet! I just can't! But it was just so cold. I had stopped moving violently, so I guess I had been poured into a lake or something. I didn't care anymore. My blood felt frozen, I couldn't even bend a finger. That's when I felt a force near me, it parted the waters. Moving me in a different direction with its power. Then not long after I felt something grab hold of me in an awkward way. I was starting to be pulled into another direction, as the water streamed around, parting to let me and whatever that was saving me through. Then I broke through the surface and that was the last thing I felt before slipping into a comfy unconsciousness.

[victimhood]

The one in which the Euros 3rd place playoff is abolished after Italia 1980, and then restored at short notice for Italia 2028, making it the historic occasion in which a whole country cockblocked their captain Nicolò di Genova.

It is June 1980. The European Championship is taking place in Italy. It is the first edition of the tournament with eight teams, divided into two groups. The winners of each group move on to play in the final, and the runners up of each group move on to battle for third place.

It is the final edition of the Euros to have the third place playoff. With dwindling attendances and television viewers, UEFA deems the fixture unnecessary for future editions of the tournament. Italy hold Czechoslovakia to a 1-1 draw, and the match is decided on penalties. The final outcome? 9-8 to Czechoslovakia.

For as long as it has existed, there has been vocal opposition to the third place match. There are those who question its purpose, who see it as a meaningless extension of the tournament for advertisement money. A kinder commentary on offer is from those who see it as cruel to make losers play yet another competitive fixture, for little to no reward. Just think of the fourth-placed team—they played better than the rest of the competition except three—yet they must go home with the bitter memory of having lost twice.

On the other camp, there are those who recall with great fondness the third place match of the 2002 World Cup between host nation South Korea and Turkey. If that doesn’t work for you, what about the consolation it offered to the host nation in the 1990 World Cup, a breakout tournament for Italy’s Roberto Baggio?

Now we skip to June 2028. The European Championship is once more taking place in Italy. There are twenty four teams divided into groups, followed by a knockout stage. There is no third place fixture on the schedule. The much-beloved Italian captain takes his team on a blistering dream run, in front of an adoring home crowd, beating a well-regarded Portugal and incumbent holders Belgium along the way. He has declared his intention to retire for good, once this tournament is over.

Picture this: you are Italy. You play England in the semifinal in Napoli, at the Stadio San Paolo, also known as the Stadio Diego Armando Maradona. You arrive in the stadium, or you watch from home, full of hope, with faith in your captain and your squad. Your team scores one at the 20th minute. Perfect opening. England try but they can’t get past the deadbolt across goal, past your much vaunted defensive line. At the 63rd minute, Foden puts one past your goalie, but VAR rules it offside. At the 89th minute, the scoreline is still 1-0 and you’re nearly through, and some egregious fans are already cheering, and then Foden gets it in for real in a stroke of sheer luck. The ball hits the crossbar but somehow bounces downward into goal. The game goes into extra time, and then to penalties. The final result? England wins 4-3 on penalties. This is a brutal game. At the end of your match, your captain sheds tears and apologizes for not being able to do more to push the team through to the finals. No! You want to scream. Caro Nicolò, il nostro capitano, it’s not your fault. You have done so much for us. You begin to blame yourself: it’s us, it’s our fault. We dared to dream too early. You were so busy dreaming of your beloved captain raising the trophy that you forgot the game wasn’t over. In fact, even before this semifinal you were already dreaming of the trophy. This is how fate punishes you. You hate to see him end his career this way. He didn’t let you down, you let your captain down! Can we do this one over? You’ll do right by your captain this time.

Picture this: you’re the president of UEFA, and the tournament is hosted in your home country. It would have been the honor of honors, to award the winner’s medals to your compatriots. The papers are raging over the match outcome: England squeaked through on a razor’s blade, and Italy were the more inspired team. The fans are out in the streets. The people have spoken! Let us bring back the third place match! Let us see our captain off with dignity and honor! Your colleagues say: this is preposterous. We got rid of it years ago, because of Italia 1980. But does anyone really remember why? The advertisers tell you they’re willing to pay. One extra match means extra revenues. Worse things have happened in the pursuit for money. What’s the harm in a consolation match? An emergency meeting is called. Who’s playing in the second semifinal? France and the Netherlands. Both their feds agree to the third place match. From the next tournament onwards, there’ll even be a sweet cherry of a coefficient bonus—all the feds agree to this, but it would not be fair to the rest to apply it this ongoing tournament (and you hear minor grumbles from the FIGC, FFF and KNVB, who think they should be compensated for the inconvenience). No matter; the people have been given what they want! Another football match in the grand machine of things! The meeting takes so long that France beats the Netherlands 3-2 in the meantime, and now someone has to do the unpleasant job of telling the players. Were any of them consulted in this affair? What a preposterous concept. That’s not how UEFA works. UEFA says jump and they say how high.

Picture this: you are Nicolò Di Genova, and you’ve played the final match of your professional career. It did not end in the way you wanted, but such is life. You are ready to put your former self in the grave. You say goodbye to your treasured teammates, and the very next morning you check out of the training center to make your way to Turin, to see your fidanzato in the semifinals. Well, he crashes out too, his downfall orchestrated by that paraculo of your club teammate, Sébastien of the number 23. And so it is England vs France in the final, to be played in Italy. The thought of it turns even the strongest stomach of any citizen of this noble country. The only silver lining to this cursed final lineup is getting to whisk the love of your life off into the secluded countryside, and maybe with a few rounds of passionate lovemaking you can even forget the pain of loss.

You’re in the car. You just picked up your inamorato from his team hotel. You want to push him into the backseat and blow the brains out of him but you have better self control than that.

“How does retirement feel like?” he cracks a joke at you.

“You know full well my plans,” you return cheekily.

You’re driving off into the E70 when your phone rings. It doesn’t stop ringing so you pull over to take the call.

It’s your national team coach. “They just restored the third place match. Can you come back to the training ground?”

Who agreed to this? Your mind is reeling from the preposterousness of it all.

“They love you, Nichi. The people want you back.”

You exchange a look with your lover. Now his phone is ringing too. It’s his coach.

Due to this unfortunate turn of events you end up having an argument with your lover. You are principled, and having principles means not giving in to this total farce of a circus show, the third place match. Your lover is an incurable romantic, and pleads on behalf of your people. They did this all for you—show them some love in return. And what was the meaning of the past 31 years of your life again? You have already given them everything.

If only the people of Italy knew how much they had to thank Yusuf Al Kaysani. It’s because of him—it’s because of his beautiful deep brown eyes that glisten with all the stars of this universe that you cave and you agree.

“Get out, let’s switch. I’ll drive, and you call your mom and tell her the news.”

How do you begin to articulate how much this man knows the answers in your heart before your brain catches up to the same conclusions?

And so, like Lazarus, on the fourth day of your death you come back to life.

ITA vs NED

Picture this: you’re the cameraman, in the tunnel. The teams are lining up. The two captains emerge from the dressing room and compliment each other on their good looks with wry smiles. Some good natured ribbing, you think. They’re old friends. They played together for eight years at the same club. The Italian captain puts his hands on the Dutch captain, and then, like magnets, his hands seem incapable of leaving the Dutch captain’s back. You start to feel uncomfortable, like you’re seeing something that you shouldn’t be seeing. You look around. Everyone else in the double file of blue and orange is just chatting away, acting normal. Maybe...it’s just your imagination? You train your camera on the chatting crowd, giving the captains space. The match officials appear, taking the lead in front of both teams. You get in position for the money shot, following the two teams out of the tunnel and into the adoring crowd.

Picture this: you have never missed a single football match your grandson plays in. So when there’s a surprise third place match announced, you have to bail on karaoke night with the girls to watch the match on tv. Your friends don’t watch football, but if they do, they watch for the “hot guys on the Italian team”. Oh yeah, he’s playing Italy, you tell them. Feel free to come over to my place, if they don’t mind your oldest son and your rowdy grandchildren. Karaoke night swiftly becomes football night. There is an argument between Hamza and his dad over the pointlessness of the third place playoff. So...your family has been behaving in an unusual manner for several months now, and you suspect it’s because your grandson said he is gay. The papers here don’t report it, because they still want to claim him to some extent, but you have noted that the coverage is more conditional than before. You don’t live under a rock, and you’ve seen the news on YouTube even if no one around you is prepared to talk about it. As the two teams walk out of the tunnel and onto the pitch, you notice the Italian captain letting his hand slip from your grandson’s back, and Hamza suddenly jumps in front of the TV screen to adjust the volume.

“What the heck are you doing?” Mehdi, Hamza’s father and your eldest son, yells.

“The audio was...wonky,” Hamza replies sheepishly. “But I think it’s okay now.”

The match begins. At a corner kick, the Italian captain practically plasters himself all over your grandson, and it’s Hamza messing with the TV remote again, this time accidentally switching channels. Mehdi slaps him in the back of the head. You think that maybe it’s time you called Ibrahim. Someone needs to tell you the truth they’ve been so bad at hiding. Your grandson is not just gay, he seems to have a lover, and it’s that evil-eyed captain, the man who curses all who cross him.

Picture this: you’re a fan from the friendly town of Muggenbeet, watching from the San Siro. You came all this way to support the Oranje and they had to concede that final goal to France in front of your face. Sore and in denial about your loss, you start to make jokes about Waterloo to cope, handing the French off to the English. And then—out of nowhere, UEFA announces that they’ll restore the third place match. You think it’s the most shameless attempt for the host country to award themselves something ever. But, you know, does anyone really want to watch an England-France final? No. Never. For forever. We hate them both. It’s not football. It’s a circus of clowns. The viewership for this third place match is through the roof, higher than for your semifinal vs France. Let’s just treat this as the real final. What a galaxy-brained idea. Your country could steal it from the hosts—no hard feelings to Italy. You’ve enjoyed the pizza and the pasta, maybe it would be fun to crush their team like little peppercorns to sprinkle on your food. Based. Now you want a cacio e pepe after the match. Wait, you’re not in Rome, where the real (fake news!) final is. Boo. There is a corner, right at the end where you are sitting. Poepjes is taking it. Dekmijn and Blootgat are running up. Your captain is being felt up by the Italian captain. (No literally, that guy isn’t even looking at the goal? He’s just...pressing himself against your captain? Why are his hands encircled around Al Kaysani’s waist like so?) Anyway, the ball pings between the Italian keeper and Blootgat, and then it flies into Di Genova’s rather shapely calves...and bounces into the goal.

Uhhhhhh, THANK YOU? Grazie mille Nicolò Di Genova!!!! You gave us one goal!!!

The Italian fans must be flabbergasted. Isn’t this the dude’s retirement match? Or whatever. Who knows. Italy is a place of the greatest contradictions, so you’ve been told. But you’ll take what you can get. You kinda feel bad for the guy, who has buried his face in his hands. Maybe...you should cheer for him. And so...the lot of you, the orange lot, sitting in the Curva Sud, you start singing for the Italian captain. Nicolò Di Genova! There’s only one Di Genova!

The third place match is the most lawless ninety minutes in the historical timeline.

Picture this: you’re an Interista and season ticket holder. And of course you support your national team. You were heartbroken when the England keeper denied Marcuzzi to progress to the finals. You cried when your captain cried. And then, out of nowhere, they said, let’s bring back the third place match. The finals are in the Stadio Olimpico, so...maybe let’s have the third place match in the San Siro? You score a ticket at your usual seat. You get to see your captain one more time before he rides off into the sunset? What more can you ask for? This is romance of the highest order. The San Siro loves Nichi, of course all the staff and volunteers come together to make the event happen in a matter of days. You can’t believe this is happening. And then...your captain opens the scoring with an own goal. The Dutch fans are singing for him. What do you do? Well, if you can’t beat them, join them—you can sing louder for your captain! He’s your captain! And you know, their captain, he’s kinda your guy too, because Sempre Inter. Revenge is served, sweet and cold like a scoop of gelato, when your captain heads in the equalizer. The crowd goes wild. He’s taking this match seriously, but you knew he always would—that’s why you love him. He could ask for your firstborn and you would gladly give it up. You can always trust your capitano. There is a penalty call in the second half of the match and his teammates give it to him—a little unorthodox—but like a deadly sniper your captain sneaks a cool and calculated one past the Dutch keeper. You cheer. Does it count as a hat trick when you’ve scored at both ends? What a scoreline to retire to!

Picture this: you’re Yusuf Al Kaysani. You just lost in the third place match, a match widely panned as the least necessary match in a tournament by those who don’t know better. And yet, the third place match is the purest expression of love for the beautiful game. All other matches are clouded by the temptations of fame and fortune. The third place match you play for love and honor. You watch from the sidelines as your boyfriend leads his team to collect the medals, from none other than Paolo Maldini. Maldini, who’s doing an admirable job as UEFA President. Who knows where and how they got these medals at short notice—sometimes this country pulls miracles like a rabbit out from the magician’s hat of chaos. Everyone in the stadium is acting like this is the final. It’s not—it’s something a little better, a match born of love, played for love, with nothing to win and nothing to lose.

There is no trophy to lift, so Nico’s teammates lift him. They’re yelling for you. You’ve played with and against at least 90% of that team. Come join us, the men in blue say, and everyone forms a circle, arm linking arm, bouncing to the music. There are no losers here—your whole team is invited to the celebrations. The Dutch fans are singing: Second place! Second place! Let’s pretend we’re second place!

Let’s be real, for this one night, in this exact stadium, there’s only one captain, and the ones in the know push you towards him. Here’s your man, the unspoken acknowledgement. But you know your place—this is not your night. This night is for him. It’s for the country that loves him, and for him to say one last goodbye. Daniele Pirozzi jumps on the captain’s back, and the captain carries him for a while, laughing away. Pirozzi, whom you spent countless hours training how to read the field, in a fashion after yours. And then there’s Boselli, Marcuzzi, Poepjes and more. From one generation to another, the baton is passed. Nico, look around, these are our boys, as good as any. They’ll be better than us, and we are happy to see it, for the love of the game. Pirozzi jumps off the captain’s back and jumps onto you, asking you if you want to lift the captain together. You laugh and agree. On the count of three, uno, due—

Picture this: you’re Nicolò Di Genova, and you’re sitting on the shoulders of your protegé and your lover. Here we can mark the passing of the guard—tonight you are unburdened and the only thing that’s left, you realize, is love. Yusuf was right. Look, look how much they love you. Even San Paolo did this for you. Could you ever have denied all of them this? You almost screwed it up at the beginning, but perhaps God was just reminding you to take your responsibilities seriously. You are but a servant of the game and this ground is your ground, your hallowed ground, the church of your sins and glory.

It’s the final competitive match of your career, and you get to walk off the field, arm in arm with the love of your life, cheered on by a country you gave everything to.

Now, for the rest of your life to begin.

(chapter 106: nel blu, dipinto di blu, of The Beautiful Game)

[peterstanslizzie]

Reacting To: Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts (Season 3 Episode 10)

This is it people! The series finale of Kipo; Let’s get to it.

Episode Title: Age of Wonderbeasts

Spoiler Warning: Kindly proceed if you’ve already seen the episode or are able to handle spoilers

Hopefully she’s getting dressed for her funeral lol

1. Continuing on from last episode, the fireworks rigged with the cure goes off and a bunch of embers start falling from the sky. One of the Humming Bombers got into contact with one of them while attempting to flee and immediately de-mutes. I thought the cure needed to go into their bloodstream? Unless, the ember actually burned through their skin. It that’s the case, wow that’s dark....

It’s awesome that Earl and Lily are helping Molly since Molly saved their children awhile back. 

2. With her quick thinking, Kipo asks everyone to find shelter underneath her as she transforms into her Mega Jaguar form. However, that’s still not enough to protect everyone but luckily, the good humans step up to shield them with table cloths, which was heartwarming to see. 

The mutes are thanking the humans for their act of kindness

OMG. Lio and Song hugging Scarlemagne? I’m here for it.

3. Thankfully, the fireworks ended and Kipo then pleads with Emilia one last time to stop what she’s doing. Emilia, hard-headed as ever isn’t one to back down at all and makes a drastic decision to inject herself with the mutagen she sourced from the Mega Walrus, transforming herself into one ugly Mega Mute. 

Imagine seeing this in real life...shudders

4. I thought she was going to use the Mega Walrus’s DNA to make another cure that would affect Kipo. I didn’t think she would do this to herself. Kipo transforms back to her Mega form to take on Emilia before she could potentially hurt anyone. 

How many Troyson kisses do we want? Yes...hehe

5. Troy and Benson are directing everyone back to find safety inside the old burrow while Wolf joins Kipo to assist her in battling Emilia. Kipo has the upper hand at first because Emilia isn’t used to being a Mega Mute. However, as the fight progresses, Emilia is starting to get better and is landing some solid hits on Kipo. But I feel like Kipo shouldn’t be losing to Emilia since she has much more experience fighting as a Mega. I guess they want us to feel like the stakes are high.

Man, this fight is actually pretty brutal. Emilia is whooping major jaguar ass here.

6. During the battle, Wolf notices Greta nearby and thinks that she has the cure to turn back Emilia into a human. So, hopefully they can steal the cure from Greta and use it as leverage to get Emilia to stop. They split up with Wolf going after Greta and Kipo continuing to fight off Emilia. 

7. After taking a couple more punches, we see three of the Mega Dogs, the Mega Pigeon and the Mega Beaver heading their way towards the fight, with Jamack, Molly, Hoag, Amy, Zane, Label, Lio, Song, Scarlemagne, Dave, Benson and Mandu riding on them. I stan such supportive friends!

8. They each take turns kicking Emilia’s butt to buy Kipo some time to recover. Side note: It’s so cool that Jamack tells Emilia to do some “soul searching”! That’s literally the same line Kipo used on Jamack in Season 1 when he was an antagonist back then. During all of this, we see Emilia beginning to have some inner turmoil; It looks like she’s starting to lose herself in her current form.

9. We get to round 2 of Wolf vs Greta and it looks like the tables might turn in favor of Wolf but Greta is just too beefy for her to take on. While being held down in a pin, Wolf tries to butter her up with words by telling her that she’s not an idiot and she can think for herself, without the influence of Emilia. She also bribes her with all the pancakes she can eat if she hands over the cure to her and just like that, she agrees to hand it over. It’s so ironic that Greta is one of Emilia’s last followers but she’s so easily influenced to switch sides. 

Again, I don’t get why Kipo is losing to Emilia so badly

10. Kipo is down for the count and Emilia turns her attention to her friends/family. As she’s about to crush Lio and Song, Kipo charges in last minute to take the devastating blow for them; She then falls unconscious. However, Emilia’s not done yet.

Scarlemagne’s death in 3...2...1

11. Oh no...here we go. Scarlemagne decides to play hero by making his attempt at saving Kipo. He basically gives his swan song to Lio and Song. I have a bad feeling he’s going to die and I’m not at all prepared to watch. He takes off on his favorite Flamingo vehicle from Season 1 and 2 and flies towards Emilia to distract her.

We haven’t heard this laugh in ages. Also, did anyone get chills when he tells Emilia to “leave her sister alone”?

12. He crashes his vehicle into Emilia causing her to lose focus and it sets off her ‘losing herself to the mega mute’ phase. This in turn, causes Scarlemagne to crash land somewhere in Skyscraper Ridge. Was it necessary for him to crash like that? If that’s the way he goes out, I’m gonna be honest here and say I would be very disappointed with that. 

13. Emilia, who clearly is out of it runs off somewhere and Kipo, Wolf, Dave, Benson and Mandu all go after her with Lio and Song heading towards where Hugo/Scarlemagne crash landed. We then see the artistic representation of Emilia losing her mind to the mute, where her human form is quickly sinking deeper and deeper into the ocean. 

14. They catch up to Emilia and they could see her being distraught. We also know the reason why she’s this way and it’s because she doesn’t have an anchor. I love it how whatever explanation we’re being told by the characters is something that the audience should know based on past episodes. Now that’s good storytelling. 

15. Anyways, Kipo makes the decision to cure her because she thinks she doesn’t deserve to be punished this way. Really now? After all that she’s done? Maybe what Kipo means is that she deserves get whopped in her human form lol. After curing her, Kipo makes ANOTHER ATTEMPT (for the 3rd time) to convince her to make a change but of course this bitch isn’t going to change; She takes a shard of glass and tries to stab Kipo:

16. But our girl, Mandu quickly reacts and bites Emilia’s arm. She then loses her balance and falls stories high in the exact burrow her lab was located because we then see Fun Gus capturing her and taking her in as her “playdate”. Emilia is basically history. 

17. Yesss! And this punishment is fitting since she will probably be Fun Gus’s plaything till she goes insane and dies. Not to mention she despises mutes. So, it’s a great way for her to go out. Bye!!! That’s what you get for killing your brother, you heartless monster. Can I also point out that once again, Mandu is the one to take out Emilia. She did beat her in season 2 when Wolf, Dave and Benson couldn’t and now in season 3, she’s the one to finish the job. Don’t mess with Mandu lol. 

18. They head back to find where Scarlemagne, Lio and Song are but it’s almost too late because Hugo is dying. Kipo is in tears and I’m in tears too. Again, was it really necessary to kill him off? I felt like he’s more or less already redeemed as a character before this. He didn’t have to commit such a heroic act, which had cost his life. Ugh....And just like that, Hugo dies.....UGHHHHHH. I really don’t think he needed to die. If Catra (who committed just as many heinous acts, if not more than Hugo) got to live in She-Ra & The Princesses of Power, Hugo deserves to live too. I’m sorry...

19. Now it’s time for the epilogue set 5 years later, as told by an older Kipo. Let’s break it down:

Wolf’s Mega Corgi gave birth to a litter of puppies. Awww cuteness...

Wolf let her hair grow out and she looks AMAZING!!! Dayummmm

Benson and Troy own a successful restaurant together and they’re living the dream. Such domestic goals!

I got chills seeing Wolf and Benson walking side by side like that. They’ve grown up so much. It looks like they’re own their way to a picnic

Label and Zane is also running a gym together. Sweet!

Jamack is conductor for Las Vistas’s new transport system. 

Dave is now a guest lecturer at what is seems to be Lio and Song’s new research lab, where he talks about some of his research findings and theories. Well, mostly theories.

I love Kipo’s new do’

20. We find out that Kipo is updating Hugo (spiritually) what has everybody been up to on his birthday. 

Hugo gets a statue made in his honor, which is very fitting and Mandu...WOW MANDU has grown into an ADULT boar, with tusks and everything just like Bornak and Webber. 

21. Kipo meets up with her besties and her family and they have their wonderful picnic in commemoration of Hugo’s birthday. 

22. The scene cuts off to all of them having the time of their life riding on their Mega mutes. And that’s the official ending to the series. TEARS...

23. This has been an amazing show to watch, react and review. I can’t believe it only had 30 episodes but the story was so cohesive and felt complete on the most part. So you could say that this show wrapped up nicely. There are some loose ends that weren’t addressed/resolved at the end like the vaccine that Song and Lio were working on but I guess that could be something that’s explored further in future films hopefully. 

24. I will also be making a couple of video essays that will be posted to my YouTube channel, PeterSaidWhat; The first one will be my full spoiler review of the final season and the second video will be Troyson-focused. I can’t wait for all of you to watch them. And finally, I want to thank you all for reading my episodic reviews and going on this incredible journey with me. It’s been a pleasure to have Kipo be a part of my life and I’m sure yours as well. 

Much love,

Peter

[cake-in-a-tin]

My thoughts rewatching all the Harry Potter movies back to back

forgive typos, and be warned - there's a lot...

the first two have a smaller amount of thoughts for some reason, idk why

 Philosopher’s Stone

teeny harry haha

that snake is so beautiful

no post on sundays bro

hi hagrid

how did the dursleys get off the island tho

aw harry is so teeny and innocent

ollivander’s entrance is so iconic, like i want to enter every room like that

hermione is so great already

and you are…

‘you’ve got dirt on your nose by the way, did you know?’

haha tiny malfoy

TREVOR! + neville

that death glare mcgonagall omg

oof snape really hates harry

it's leviooosa not leviosaaa

troll in the dungeon!!!

hi fluffy

ew norbert is gross to be completely honest

creepy malfoy staring at the window

malfoy being sassy wow

‘nighty night…’ whyyy filch?

oof ron are u ok

bye hermione

voldemort is kinda cute with his big eyes

harry really just killed quirrell jeez man

alas earwax

Chamber of Secrets

ah go away dobby don't be weird

yes the car with fred and george

oof bye uncle vernon haha

ah awkward let go of harry lockhart we hate u

haha ginny is iconic

rons face when the train comes omg

ron can drive? that's impressive…

ooh a voice scaryyy

hey colinnn

eat slugs - yas

let go of his arm lockhart

uh oh colin is petrified

hahaha snape annihilated lockhart wow

gosh moaning myrtle is annoying

tom riddle is such a weirdo hgh

ew spiders

lockhart is hilarious when he has lost his mind wow

yas fawkes

ew he just stuck the sword right through its head didn't he...

powerful sock…

go away lucius ur annoying

Prisoner of Azkaban

ugh aunt marge blow up already

sassy harry tm

tom is iconic

so is crookshanks tbh

the knight bus kinda sucks in the movie tho

yess lupin hi

ugh shut up trelawney

ah the best scene aka harry and draco being sassy towards each other

‘it’s killed meh!’

the other best scene: lupin, boggarts and the record player

love when they are eating sweets and just being good friends

yay marauders map - iconic fred and george

nice snowman also

my dad didn't strut and neither do i - yeah right...

yes leave hermione

trelawney stop being creepy

take that malfoy

harry third wheeling

yas remus save sirius

"old married couple" haha snape knows what's up

die peter lol

haha yes they will chop your leg off ron definitely

ugh harry stop being noble

haha yes mentioning the marauders

ew stop peter

oh no werewolf

sirius is so dramatic haha he cant stop turning into a werewolf my dude

bad idea yes ron i agree

oof fight him sirius

no sirius!

the dementorssss

no harry that's not a real patronus dude

nom eat the little soul nugget nice

ah no they're gonna kiss sirius nooo

scabbers did it ok... shut up ron

dumbledore just smacking ron's broken leg and being mysterious

and enter many time paradoxes

‘this is not normal’ hahahah wow harry

yess save buckbeak dudes

yas beautiful patronus dude

this music tho wow

au revoir sirius

I wonder how many stairs they ran up...

poor ron so confused

that bird just got squished no

don't leave lupin

please tell harry about the marauderss

i love lupin omg

ooh a firebolt thanks godfather

the ending face wow

Goblet of Fire

ooh nagini hello

yay frank you will die soon so enjoy your tea

dr who!

ah voldemort's creepy little hand tm

yes ron is covering his non existent boobs wow

hermione's so mad 4 some reason

yes cedric diggory in a tree

everyone has long hair why

isn't just any manky old boot mate

cedric amos and arthur are show offs

feet off the table!

i luv magik

wow krum is enjoying himself

Why is draco wearing a suit?

lucius is very ominous

think ur in luvvv ron

is there no winky in this? sad

harry is so awkward omg

bye hedwig find sirius even though the ministry cant

oh bonjour beauxbatons

wow so dramatic here come the durmstrang peoples

wow run filch ao athletic

ew the beauxbatons entrance is so weird and compared to the durmstrang one is kind of sexist

ow poor flitwick a fork to the hand that's gotta hurt

moody is so dramatic

dumbledore already shouting nice

why does he have so many bugssss

ah that is a creepy spider

poor neville he has to have cuppa with moody that sucks

yess fred and george back at it again

hermione ruining the vibe

HARRY POTTER DIDJA PUTCHA NAME IN THE GOBLET OF FIYAH dumbledore asked calmly

what would happen if harry was just like "nope"? would he die that would be interesting

igh rita skeeter go away ur creepy my dude

hate it when ur eyes glisten with ghosts of ur past

yas sirius in a fire

"who are u talking to?" "im vlogging ron" (how it should have gone. harry should have a youtube channel just saying)

poor harry a third wheel yet again between madame maxime and hagrid ew

wow draco in a tree, why? so many people in trees this movie

"nyaaah"

malfoy as a ferret is my favorite character

my father will hear about thissss

omg rita get outttt

fight the dragonnnn

feel like someone should have stopped the dragon after it broke free... idk *shrugs*

it would be so boring if u were watching the tournament because you can't see anything that's happening most of the time, only for the 1st task and a bit if the 3rd task.

knew u wouldnt die harry, lose a leg - or an arm -pack it in all together? nevaaaaa

god just open it harry

ron ur so awkward...

harry spitting out his drink will never not be funny to me

oh yes the gorgeous dress robes

poor ron has it tough, having to dance with mcgonagall and having ro wear those robes...

*babbling bumbling band of baboons*

the twins are hilarious in this haha

aw neville!

snape is really violent can't 2 boys discuss their love lives or lack thereof in peace

ron's jealous of viktor krum haha

love harry just being so confused and saying "spectacular" when cedric speaks to him.

given the fact harry literally told him the task cedric didn't do that much to help.

ugh no myrtle stop

harry going "do i" when neville tells him he seems tense is such a mood

harry's hair when he was swimming haha

just leave them harryy omg too noble

harry holds his breath for a long time after his gills go away - longer than i can

fred and george making fun of harry having 'moral fiber' is exactly what i would do in the situation

mr crouch stop being weird

yes finally singing hoggy warty hogwarts

oh hi mr crouch, taking a nap in the forest are u? cool

i would say do not stick your face in the pensieve but that's just me

Dr Who changed a bit since i last saw him, he's a bit mental now...

snape is so iconic wow

"bubble juice sir?" bahaha sassy harry back at it again

this music is so great

i would freak out if i had to go in that maze it's so creepy and feels like it would be so filled with jumpscares just nope

"a cauldron? What are u guys gonna do - eat me? that's gross!" feels like it should be in the movie

aw baby voldemort is so cute

ugh just chop off another finger or something wormtail jeez so much drama

how is voldemort still alive - the cauldron is on fire??

the movie is also really missing voldemort dancing with the death eaters

u dont have hair my dude stop caressing ur bald head

voldemort has lovely long fingernails

lucius' blonde hair poking out from beneath his hood is so funny 4 some reason.

"i can touch u now" is really not a good sentence

bit awkward to return with a dead body...

its alright harry *shakes his head violently*

uh oh that's not professor moody its barty jr

Order of the Phoenix

halfway done woo

the intro music is still a jam the 5th time

that is big whinging not little whinging

hi big D what a great nickname...

uh oh dementorrrrr

yes mrs figg the most iconic character in the movies

harry looks a lot like frodo baggins

yay the order is rescuing him finally

yes remus and sirius and mrs weasley and everyone

ooh kreacher

jeez hermione attack him

crookshanks attacking the extendable ears is just what my cat would do

cute godfather godson moments yeass

arthur weasley trying to function as a muggle is just so wholesome

ugh not umbridge ew

yes clear those charges

aw padfoot yess

wow that's a lovely coat sirius

voldemort looks great in a suit wow

didn't harry see his parents die? why couldn't he see the thestral before?

yes luna!

oh shut up umbridge oh my goddd

yes ron u tell seamus like a good friend

sassy harry reaching full potential

ugh umbridge sucks wow

so evil torturing harry

yes weasleys wizards wheezes

luna is so pure and perfect

the friendship between her and harry is so amazing

yas tell umbridge, mcgonagall

trelawneys bad but she doesn't deserve to be kicked out by umbridge

oof professor dumbledore just straight up ignored harry

yes harry just say you're rubbish that will make people think your sane

yes hermione break the rules!

oof ginny is jealous of cho liking harryyyy

yay the room of requirement!

dumbledores army is so fabuloussss

nigel is amazing and i love him

wow hermione just knocked out ron haha

harry potter the boy who made cheesy inspirational speeches

wow ginny is so powerful

harry and cho are so awkward eeehhhh

just because you’ve got the emotional range of a teaspoon *cringy forced laughter*

occlumency lessonnssss yay what fun

cute christmas scenes wow

ooh the family tree and sirius' backstory yay

harry u aren't becoming like voldemort u are going through pubertyyyy its hormonesssssss

yay hagrid finally

oh no it's bellatrix get ready for crazinesss

poor sirius he keeps getting the blame for everything that's so unfair

is neville tall or is harry short, because there is a huge height difference

aw all the patronuses are so cute

uh oh here comes umbridge...

noo they are captured and dumbledores lying waaa

oof dumbledore is as sassy as harry at some points - "dumbledores got style"

no umbridge is heaf and shes fricking evilllll

grawp yess. hes kind of cutee

ron is jealous of grawp bahaha

sheesh snape chill

yes a bit of maraudrrss aahhhh

thats it? noo

aw fred and george comforting a little boy is too cute!

yes fred and george!!! disrupt those OWLS!!

no harry! he doesn't have sirius nooo

yes hermione fake it till u make it ( or until u get umbridge attacked by grawp )

yay the centaurs are here as well get herrr

'i must not tell lies' the sass omg

jeez how many prophecies are there wow

pranked, harry dude ur kind of rubbish

well done ginny you've made all the prophecies fall

yh id rather watch my friends die than give u the prophecy, don't really like them tbh

yas sirius!

the order yes

you're beautiful sirius

noooooo siriusss 😭😭😭😭

yooo voldemort my dudeee

hope the ministry has a massive roomba

the DA just come in to see harry writhing on the floor and are like 'cool'

nice one fudge finally realised he's back cool, cool

ah yes angsty harry tm

aw poor luna, her shoes are all stolen.

luna is an icon though

we have something voldy doesn't - noses hahahaha

Half Blood Prince

uh oh the dark mark is here

death eaters as well fun

fenrir greyback!!

oh no not this bridge! i went across it and i was scared af

dumbledore appearing out of nowhere is so funny

ew slughorn no

wow i need dumbkwdored tidying spell so badly

slughorn collecting people is kind of creepy tbh

im so glad i dont have as many staircases as the weasleys

oh yes narcissa and bellatrix being shifty

oops snape u probs shouldnt have done that

yess fred and george!!!

weasleys wizard wheezes looks amazinggg

uh not cormac mclaggen

oooh its "draco and mummy"

no fenrir we wanted to look at draco stroking a cabinet

yes arnold!

yes draco malfoy is a "creepy bloke" ronald

why is draco always wearing a suit??

yes draco is going to pigfarts!

ouch why would u stomp on his nose??

yez luna save him

noo dont let snape teach defense against the dark arts!! i miss lupin...

poor harry having to do potions again ugh

dun dun dunnn the half blood prince

poor seamus stuff is still exploding

haha dumbledore ships hermione and harry lol

baby tom riddle is creepyy

tom riddle and slughorn were bffs wow so cute

edgy draco in his loki suit

aw rons the only one listening

ugh cormac mclaggen is so gross nooo

haha ron is so rubbish at quidditch id be just like him

'the binding is fragile' hahaha excuses

harry sleeps with his potions book hheehe wow

wow sneaky draco

rons face when hermione mentions her snogging him haha.

uh oh cursed necklace alert

harry pottrr the boy who just knew

snape is so sarcastic wow icon (not really tho ew)

oh god they're talking about skin aahhh

noo harry stop being awkwarddddd sit downn

ew cormac stop eating profiteroles so suggestively ugh

haa rons outfit

ew lavender stopp

oh yes "felix felicis" makes ron great at quidditch

poor hermione she just loves ron thats all

aw hermione and harrys friendship is so nice

angsty draco standing in a tower

"bUt I aM tHe ChOsEn OnE" god harry so pretentious

luna is the coolest person there is, nice work harry

draco in a suit again looking sad he does that a lot

no draco ur apple!

oh nvm its back dw

ugh cormac sucks.  hermione why??

at least cormac did 1 good thing and vomited on snapes shoes

draco was lurking omgggg thats his vibe now

cant break an unbreakable vow - figured that out for myself thanks (sassy harry)

ew lavender stopppp

ooh noo ginny dont feed him a mince pie awkwarddd

thanks ron

stoppp ginny. harry can tie his own shoelaceee

why do they need to burn the burrow this doesnt happen in the books #not canon

wow everyones sassy including hermione now

also lav is an awful nicknname

aha tom riddle is still creepy

okay thats a lie slughorn u told him about horcruxes

uh oh ron loves romilda vane oop

harry thinks the moon is divine haha

Ron hugging a pillow then falling off the sofa in the background oh my gosh

slughorn is so useless

haha snapes face while rons saying hermiones name

draco being edgy again woowwww

lavender that is a death glare if ever i saw one

oh no draco is crying in a bathroom now like a moody teenager

let him cry in peace harry god man

'nyaaah' is dracos go to dueling sound

oops harry u kinda killed him a little bit.

no this is so awkwarddd ginny dont

just kiss like in the books after the quidditch match thats way better

yes the felix felicis

love harry potter like this its so funny

‘harry!’ ‘sir!’

not to mention the pincers *gestures awkwardly*

nice speech harry, now u have answers on the horcruxes

ooh back to tom riddle being creepy

yas harry and dumbledore field trip quality student teacher time

snape being edgy now wow everyone is in this movie

oops foreshadowing...

harry has precious blood apparently?

yay boat ride and smoothie

harry potter not harry water bro

noo bad just aguamenti right into his mouth Harry

yay new friends!!!

dumbledore ur gonna set harry on  fire careful my dude

ooh death eaterz

did draco change intot hat suit to impress the death eaters?

oop bye dumbledore

harry brooding in dumbledores office

yess RAB get wrecked voldemort

harry ur thick apparently?

aw cute friendship

Deathly Hallows Pt. 1

rusty logo wow

‘ello whoo are u

oh scrimgeour hi i dislike u dude

veey dramatic

aaawww hermione no

yas dudley being nice to harry and vernon listening to him and leaving

ron brooding wow

bye parents sad face

wow vernons old man

ooh its snapeee he looks loke he has a lot of contpur on

yay snape has a savey seat

pius is a great name

uh oh i dont wanna give u my wand voldy

dracos face haha

ugh do they have to watch nagini eat professor burbage gross

the dursleys house looks so empty

yay the cupboard happy memories and his baby toys cuteee

moody thinks that harrys gorgeous.

yay remus and tonksss

shut up mundungus

blimey hermionee

'just trying to diffuse the tension' hahaha lol

wow so many harrys lol

yh  wouldnt want to go in the motorbike tbh

uh oh death eaters

wow parkour harry

nooo hedwig - the saddest bit of this movie

yo voldemort wassup

oops the pylons fell down... just fly away good idea

nooo george's ear

jeez lupin y are u being crazy dude

george is saint like and holy aw so cute brother moments

uh oh bye moody u were a bit creepy tbh

ha lol harry a lot of people are going to die for u

harry stop being moody omg

wow george way to ruin the vibe dude

yo minister leave pls

ron just being ungrateful - u can turn out lights now ron lucky u

yay hermione you get a childrens book thats great

wow a snitch lucky u harry. hes so pleased with that. little does he know.... its a resurrection stone bro

give him the sword man

yay nice wedding

luna interrupting deep thoughts casually

xenophilius is creepy

ron and hermione staring at each other is a mood.

way to crash a wedding dude

hermione is the most competent out of all three it has to be said

i really want that bag of hermiones

shouldnt have said voldemory now the death eaters are here whoops

"hermione" *strokes face awkwardly*

sassy harry yas

oh yes grimmauld place

oof voldys having wand struggles

hi kreacher please leave ur creepy thanks

aw siriuzz room so cute sad hes dead

regulus arcturus black yay

ugh mundungus fletcher u suck dude

aw neville

oh no pie dude is the minister if magic now

uh shut up umbridge

feel like u dont need that many posters

sentimental piano playing wow

yo dobbyyyy

umbridge ruins everything omg

ron - u dont have a wife

haha harry getting out of the lift and walking in such a weird wayyy bahahaha

ew umbridge has moodys eye groosss

yas the ugly plates are still in her office

oops ron u just kissed that random dudez wife

nice suit harry

ouch splinch

lovely tent

kill the locket dude

dean thomas is on the run ooh fancy

yh harry stop letting voldemort in dude

harry stop being so moody bro

ooh watch snape on the map thats not creepy.

oh no snatchers...

ah u almost got caught dudes

ron ur so weak wow cant apparate or anything

lot of missing people...

haha a quarantine haircut

yes hermione ur brilliant

oh god ron stop chill

bye ron i guess lol

poor hermione

yas awkward dancing timee

awkward stares

kissy for the snitch. he must really miss ginny

uh oh its opening at the closee

vfd!!! an eyee!!!

ooh godrics hollowwww

oop its christmas eve whoopssss

oh a deathly Hallows

parents grave yay!

ur bathilda? nope im a snake boiii

bathilda is 1 creepy lady

what are u saying my dude????

ew snake lady

chaira are good defences agaunst snakes definitely

ah she jumped at them

looks like a nice campsite

wow now hermiones being sentimental

oop she sat on harrys wand

wait nvm

oooh a doe a deer a female deer

dont drown harry that would be awkward

omgbharry stop undressing

oof the locket strangling him

yay ron saved him yas dude

ron kill the horcrux

u tell him hermione

nice ron tell them u have been hearing voices

yes go see xenophilius the crazy dudee

aw ron ur so awkwsrd bro

their house is so cute

shut up ron god

yay we know about the deathly hallows now

xenophilius is so suspicious tho

why would you say his nameeee

noo snatchers

ooo ominous malfoy manor

draco dont doo ittt

yay dobby!

ah no hermione

aw draco looks sad in his little loki suit

yay dobby 'maiming and seriously injuring'

nooo dobby! he deserved so much better 😭

"hey guys welcome back to my unboxing video today we are opening dumbledores grave"

yay the elder wand wow

giving away ur position a bit dude by shooting stuff in the air

Deathly Hallows Pt. 2

snape hi ur brooding

lots of dementys

dramatic music

waaa dobby

yay bill and fleur

yo griphook what up

the sword was in a river bro

madam lestrange? no!

oops thats not dracos wand anymore wowww

wands are just like 'ya hiiii we have feelings too'

oop ollivander knows about the elder wand bros

ron looks great with a moustache tho

harry just broke the law jeez...

wow that cart looks fun

wow they fell from the cart nice

oh no ron broke the law too whoops

yay a dragon

lots of gold nice

yay the cup

oops they messed up nkw everything is multiplyinggg

griphook y are u evil my dude

yay ride a dragon

oops they fell no

yas they escaped

uh oh voldemort is onto them

that's a lot of dead people

oh no everyones looking for them

ah aberforth hi!

the other part of harry's mirror!

oop dumbledore was a secretive dude

ariana yas

neville!

i love neville hes so great now

yay all of the DA

luna!

ginny is being awkward

'shut up seamus' hhaha

aaa snape yooo

snape stop being a meanie

stop being angry harry

yas queen! mcgonagall!!!!

yay

uh oh voldemort is whispering to harry again

stop voldemort you need a cough sweet

yes everyone protect him

haha filch is a blithering idiot wow

i love mcgonagall

run harry

boom! seamus blow stuff up!

yay the knight peeps

uh yes theyre protecting harry and everyone

yes luna is so smart and iconic

go talk to a ghost harry

thats a lot of death eaters

go away voldemort no one likes u

yes go stab a crown harry

yay remus

fred and george aw

ron fake parseltonguing lol

nooo quidditch

lol peeps got disintegrated

go hermione stab the cup

yessss kisss!!!!

tonks and remus together wow

wow i hate voldemort's bald head with the weird veins

run neville!

yay ginny and neville

yay a little kiss for harry!

ooh the room of requirement

edgy draco back at it again

ooh the diadem

no dracooo

yh draco y didnt u give harry away?

aw ron loves hermione

uh oh fireee

nice work goyle

bye crabbe lol

yay hes saving draco

nice killed the tiara

oops voldemorts getting angry

snapes gonna dies dudes

runnnnn guys

lavenders being eaten

yay aberforth

yeet snapes dying

gosh naginis violent

“ew snape sorry i dont like u even tho u loved my mum” - what harry should have said

woops bye snape

freds death is too sad

nooo remus and tonks

go watch snapes life my dude

yess the always bit (i dont like snape but its iconic)

poor harry

its so sad that hes just sacrificing himself

his eye contact with ron omg im cryinggg

ooh yay his familyyy

he should have said 'its muffin time’ to the resurrection stone and it would be like 'cool bro here's your dead family'

u got this harry

yay teddy mention

"until the end" yas james

lets do this harry

wow voldemort why are you standing like a weirdo

yes harry be a brave man

byee harryyyy

oooh hes alive still

hi dumbledore

yes harry is a brave brave man

cool explain it to him dumbledore

bye dumbledoreeee

wow voldy u weakk bro

yas dracos alive get off me

aw neville u got this man

voldy yeeted that dead giant wow

ew snakey boi

nooo hes dead waa

poor draco such an awkward hug

oop neville what?

ok ur just making a speech that fine carry on

voldys very polite for a villain

yay harrys alive

haha dieee

run lucius wow

oof destroying the school harry really

naginis coming run hermione

u got dis neville

noo ron

yes molly!!!

y r u hugging dudes u arent friends... did u forget? oops..

ouch

bye snake boiii

neville is so iconic omg

kill him HARRY

noice

haha disintegrate voldemort

byeee

dont breathe in voldemort guys

wow harrys a mess

yay hagrid

hermione and ron are so sweet aw

harry yeet the wand

wow draco owns the wand and now harry has it

YEET

aw the friendship

yess 19 years later

wow that hair harry

all of their haircuts are tragic tbh...

should be albus remus potter... just sayinggg

THE END DUDESSSSS

[pattinsonsgurl]

Stood up (D.D.)

Request: What about a David imagine, where he basically begs you for a date and he invites you to a restaurant but in the end he stands you up because he spends the whole night at Lizas. But it‘s because he thought the date is on a different day and then he tries to make it up to you but you‘re really distrustful and sad. And he‘s sad. And so on.

Warning:Angst - I almost made this too long.

David has been asking you out forever. At first you just take it as a joke since it started right after he posted his break up video with Liza. You could see the pain in his eyes when you watched it and it was heartbreaking. Especially since they still acted like a couple whenever they were around each other for a couple months after. It started out as a joke but lately David’s been more persistent.

“Hey Y/N! Damn baby you look fine as hell today. What the special occasion?”

“Zane baby! I just wanted to look all cute for you, lover boy.” you retort blowing Zane a kiss.

“Baby, I’m half believing you, you better stop!” Zane responds back laughing.

You can’t help but giggle at Zane’s drunken antics. You did dress up a little more than usual. Only because it was time to treat yourself and you deserved it after the long hours at work finally paid off for your raise. You turned around to see David watching you intently then quickly turn away as he sees that you caught him. It’s not the first time you’ve caught him looking at you. At first you felt self conscious, thinking you had something in your teeth or on your clothes. As time went on, you felt like you were being undressed with his eyes. You couldn’t help but feel a shiver run down your spine when you caught him looking at you with those brown eyes of his.

David walks and sits right down next to you on his cloud couch and smiles at you. “Hi Y/N.’

“Hi David.” you respond blushing a little. You’ve kinda got a crush on him, but you try not to show it.

“I like your dress.”

“Thanks I just bought it!’

“So that means you got your raise at work right?” David asks.

“How did you know? I don’t think I ever told you about that.” You question him.

“Oh uh Natalie told me.” He says sheepishly.

You look at him unconvinced, but you decide to let it go. Before you can start with another topic, Zane comes over on the other side of you.

“Baby, when are you going to let me take you out?” Zane slurs.

“Maybe, when you ask me sober.” You tease.

“Awwww.” Zane replies as he gets up to tease someone else.

“Would you really go out with Zane?” David asks you.

“No, he’s just really fun to tease. He doesn’t have the balls when he’s sober.”

“So you think you will finally let me take you out? Come on Y/N just one night to prove that I’m great and awesome!” David begs.

You sigh and finally agree, “Ok David, Friday night, your treat at my favorite restaurant.”

“Really?! All right cool! I promise Y/N it’ll be the best night of your life!”

Friday night rolls around and you��re getting ready for your date with David. You both decided to meet there so it made it seem like an official date and not just two friends having dinner.

You get to the restaurant and there’s a reservation in David’s name. You’re the first to arrive and you sit down order a glass of water and some breadsticks. You wait for David and as 30 minutes pass by you message him a little worried. There’s no response. You decide to call him, it gets answered immediately but he doesn’t say hello. You hear muffled sounds and voices. You try to figure out what’s going on when your hear Liza’s voice and David laughing. Your heart stops. He’s with Liza. You though that was over but apparently it’s not. You quickly hang up and tell the maitre d that you will not be staying and run out. You can’t believe he would do this to you. He’s the one who’s been after you. He persisted until you finally gave in. And he broke your heart before anything even happened. You were done with David Dobrik. And you knew exactly how to make him regret it.

David was at Liza’s that night because she called him over for help with a video for her YouTube channel. When they broke up, he still felt something for her that he didn’t know if it would ever go away. He hated how affected he was by Liza after all those months. But when he looked at you he felt like he could possibly love again. He couldn’t wait for his date with you tomorrow. David looks for his phone and realizes he had it on silent this whole time. He sees 2 messages from you and then 3 Instagram notification of your story being updated. He goes automatically to Instagram because he can’t wait to see you. . The first video is of you in the mirror taking a selfie in a very seductive red dress that dips low and a high slit on the side. His mouth goes dry. He wishes you had waited to wear that for your date. Next story is you at your favorite restaurant where you put a question mark at the empty chair across from you. David’s heart goes cold.

“Liza what’s today?”

“It’s the 3rd, why?”

“What day of the week?”

“Friday.”

David groans and looks at his phone again noticing there’s one more picture on your story. This time it’s you again taking a mirror selfie but it’s not you house. It’s Zane’s and he’s standing behind you giving you a kiss on the cheek while you have the biggest smile on your face.

“What the fuck!!” David screams as he stands up looking for his keys so he can drive to Zane’s

“David, what happened? Is everything ok?” Liza asks looking at him worriedly.

“I gotta go Liza, I’ll tell you everything later.”

David rushes over to Zane’s house. He comes up to it knocking so hard it feels like it might break. Zane’s comes to the door in a sweatshirt and boxers.

“Dude wtf? I’m busy. Can you come back later?”

“Where’s Y/N? I know she’s here.” David demands.

“She’s busy also and can’t come to the door right now.” He smirks.

David pushes his way past Zane and heads to the bedroom where he sees someone with Y/H/C also in the bed. His heart drops realizing what’s happening. But then David hears you call his name from the living room. He rushes over and sees you with your red eyes and tear-stained cheeks.

“I thought that was you in his bed just now. I thought..” He trails off.

“That I was doing what exactly what you were doing? Fucking Liza? I knew it David. I thought you were over her but I guess not.” You retort, fighting back more tears.

“Y/N, I swear it was nothing like that. I was over helping her with her video. I didn’t realize today was Friday, I thought it was Thursday. I would never blow you off for Liza. I am over her, it’s just we’re still friends.”

“Then go back to your friend David. I really don’t want to deal with you right now.”

“Please Y/N I swear. I want to take you out. I just didn’t realize that I mixed up my days.”

“Look David, right now I’m really hurt. You forgot our date by mixing up days. But the fact that you were with Liza and didn’t even care to respond back to me makes it real obvious that you were a little preoccupied. I really need you to leave before I can figure out how to deal with this. “

David looks at you defeated, not saying a word, turns around to leave. He walks past Zane and out to his Tesla. He looks at his messages that he never read from you once he gets in. The first one reading:

“I’m almost to the restaurant! I’m so excited for this date!”

Then the second one:

“Hey David, I’ve been waiting here half an hour, everything ok? You got me a little worried, let me know where you’re at.”

David sits there and then hits his head on the steering wheel feeling stupid and wishing he never agreed to go over to Liza’s.

Read part 2 here.

[fortunatelylori]

I think one of the reasons some people hate Sansa is that she represents real people, women mostly, during the medieval times. Even now. People won’t be so annoyed with her or call her useless if this was just a period drama. But they added the fantasy side, with dragons and assassins. Along with women that possesses these. Why couldn’t Sansa do the same? Sansa is the reason why I watched GoT in the first place. I saw myself in her. I don’t have dragons or fighting skills, I only have my mind

Hey, nonnie!

I saw myself in her. I don’t have dragons or fighting skills, I only have my mind

This right here is the reason why I love and identify with Sansa, as well. I’ve never been a fighter. Dragons don’t exist. I’ve always been feminine and proud of it. And I was encouraged from a young age to use my brain to get out of problems. Seeing a character like that on screen is interesting for me because it feels realistic and her slow burn arc makes me feel like I can actually see her developing as opposed to having been granted the fantasy equivalent of super powers over night. 

I thought it might be interesting if I actually talked a little bit about the reasons why I feel Sansa is such a divisive character within the fandom as well as one that is, frankly, overlooked by most of the GA, despite her growing importance to the plot. Because while some of the reasons can be dismissed rather easily, at least one of them is an issue of execution (particularly within the show). 

The issue of femininity, agency and use of sexuality

I’ve grouped all of these together because the root cause for them is the same: Patriarchy, which in turn encompasses such wonderful things like misogyny and victim blaming. 

Sansa’s femininity will always be used against her not only because feminine qualities are seen as lesser than masculine qualities (which is why characters like Arya and Brienne get the stamp of approval from misogynists everywhere) but also because she doesn’t “use them properly”. By that I mean that she’s a beautiful girl who does not weaponize her sexuality and, also, doesn’t put out. And within a patriarchal mind-set that’s the ultimate crime. And that’s further exacerbated by her foil Maergery, whose sexuality is her greatest asset and weapon, as well as by D*ny and her use of sexuality in order to flip the tables on Drogo. 

Sansa doesn’t do that. Instead, she goes as far as to dare to withhold her sexual favors and affections from fan favorite Tyrion which enrages the truly vile of this fandom. How dare she? Doesn’t she know that if she wants to be a feminine girl, she is obligated to give her body away to the men lusting after her? Why is she so stupid? Look how Maergery is playing the game and has Joffrey under her thumb! That Sansa, she’s soooo useless! I mean, we’ve been watching this show for 7 seasons and we have yet to see Sophie Turner’s boobs! The outrage!

This argument can go die in a ditch. I actually love that Sansa has retained autonomy over her body and has refused to use it in order to get out of problems. I’m genuinely tired of seeing “smart” or “important” female characters depicted solely as either women with masculine pursuits or “enchantresses”. I want to have a cerebral female character who uses her brain to win over or defeat her foes and Sansa Stark is developing in exactly such a character. And I love it!

She’s one of only main characters who isn’t magical

You’ve touched on this in your ask and while I agree that, in many ways, Sansa is meant to represent the reality of medieval women stuck in a system that was working against them at every turn, I do think GRRM did Sansa a disservice by eliminating all connection to magic from her arc. 

That’s because all of the remaining Starks are magical to a degree. Bran, of course, is the one with the most magical abilities in the family (and probably in the whole series). However, Jon is pretty magical as well. Not only is he a warg through his connection with Ghost, he is now resurrected as well as the blood of the dragon which makes him, in part, the product of magic. Arya, for her part, is not only a warg but also possesses magical abilities through her Faceless Men arc. 

Sansa’s connection with magic was severed irrevocably when Lady was killed and even prior to that, we never see that warg bond with her. In that sense, she’s the plain Jane of the family and thus seen as less important or special. Which coupled with her lack of fighting skills as well as her prolonged victim arc, makes her seem inconsequential and disposable. This is unfair, of course, because in every other respect, she’s a wonderfully developed character (particularly in the books) but this is a fantasy series. I think GRRM should have retained some sort of magical qualities for her. 

Tyrion, among the mains, is probably her closest analog because he’s not magical either. However, GRRM has imbued him with almost super-human intelligence (an aspect of his character that his fans blow out of proportion even further). Despite that, however, there is still a tendency to try to make him magical in some way to justify his importance, hence the theory of Tyrion as the 3rd head of the dragon. 

She feels like an outdated character

I say “feels” because she isn’t really but the “princess in the tower”/”damsel in distress” archetype that Sansa most resembles has, by and large, fallen out of favor with modern audiences. 

They used to be all the rage and writers always had such a female character. Sansa, in a sense, shares literary references with Ivanhoe’s Rebecca or Robin Hood’s Maid Marion. Personally I love those characters but the archetype has been used a lot in the past and almost never done right. It’s become a prop in a classical hero’s journey type plot, instead of a character in its own right and Sansa, on the surface, feels very much like that type of character. 

Of course, GRRM has really utilized that archetype in the best way possible and instead of making Sansa a prop, he’s exposed us to the reality of the pretty damsel stuck in a tower, to her drama and her tragedy, to her fight for survival and eventual escape. 

But people, by and large, have decided to hate the archetype instead of demanding better stories based on it and because of that, they simply bristle at its mere existence. 

The issue of Sansa’s POV in the show

This is, honestly, the reason that pains me the most and it’s really a combination of how the show has chosen to portray Sansa and well as the fact that the show is now further along than the books. 

This is one reason where I can’t really place the blame on the audience, particularly the general audience. 

For a very long time, I wondered why people weren’t really paying that much attention to Sansa in the show. And I don’t mean youtubers or people on reddit etc. I’m talking about normal people watching this show. I have a lot of friends that watch GOT and love it. They’re definitely not involved in the fandom nor are they specifically fans of one character in the show. They simply love the story and find it entertaining. 

We’ve had conversations about GOT from time to time and they’ve never mentioned Sansa once. They don’t hate her, btw. They simply don’t think about her very much or consider her important within the context of the story. 

And I believe the reason for this is because Sansa started out as a pawn in the Game of Thrones, an arc that lasted for 4 seasons. That’s a long time for a character to have limited to no agency and also enact change in the plot solely through the machinations of other characters. 

However, it’s not an issue that can’t be overcome particularly since Sansa has an ascending arc where she goes from pawn to player. The beginning of her “player” arc is marked by her descending the steps of the Eeryie dressed in her Littlefinger dress. Unfortunately, this is also the moment that marks the creators’ choice of cutting the audience out of Sansa’s POV for long stretches of time. 

Since season 5, they’ve played a hide and seek game with Sansa where we get glimmers of her POV for a short time (her marriage to Ramsay, her reunion with Jon) only to be cut out as quickly as possible in order for the writers to play up the Dark Sansa red herring. 

I believe this reluctance to make Sansa understandable and transparent to the audience is affecting the way the general audience views her. In order to get a handle on Sansa’s character from season 5 onward, you need to watch the seasons a couple of times, think about her character in depth, read some metas as well as be predisposed to like her to begin with. Honestly, that’s too much to expect from a general audience who simply don’t engage with this show as in depth as we do. 

As such the character of Sansa has become, I believe, to most of the GA a mystery wrapped up in a riddle, where questions are raised but never answered, where looks and gestures are left unexplained. The GA is not going to do heavy lifting to get to know this character so they’re simply going to ignore her and focus on the dragons instead. 

This is a huge disservice to Sansa, in my opinion. Because she’s increasingly important to the plot but I doubt season 8 is going to make the GA get to know her enough to root for her. I fear that the fate of show Sansa is to be the Ginny of Game of Thrones. People are just going to be utterly confused how this character that the creators never gave them much reason to care about ends up married to Jon Snow and becomes queen. 

And that, I have to say, makes me very sad. :(

Thanks for the ask! 

[rktingyan-blog]

the video starts off quiet, the only thing in sight being tingyan's desk, the camera picking up fragments of the decorations around her apartment. in walks the girl, waving a small hi to the camera. the whole thing looks authentic, but tingyan's been practicing this intro for nearly an hour. she was a meticulous kind of natural, someone who attempted to look effortless, but spent hours making sure things looked perfect. she's even tried a new makeup look today - something a little lighter than what she was used to; faint raspberry eyeshadow and a lip tint accenting her features. the biggest difference, though? there's one thing she couldn't perfect, however - her nerves. she had to admit, she was certainly a little apprehensive to perform a skill she wasn't all that confident in for the cameras. but, it'd be good for practice and she's happy with what she'd came up with. so, letting out a sigh, she turns into the tingyan most know her as and beamed at the camera. "hi everyone! tingan here, today i'll be performing an...interesting rendition of she's a baby! i hope you all enjoy."

disclaimer!! two things - first off, i haven't made a youtube graphic for tingyan yet but you can assume this would be one of her videos after it's created! second, i made the new lyrics, and they are in english, korean, and chinese. while i'm fluent in the first and studying the second, i have very little practice in chinese and still struggle with korean, so there's bound to be a lot of mistakes!! of course, luckily tingyan isn't fluent in korean so that helps with the narrative, but some things may not work or look funny if you do know the languages! you can also assume subtitles were put in the same fashion the lyrics are shown in this solo! this was more for fun than anything, and in no way do i claim them to be perfect! i don't even know if anyone's gonna read this, but, just to be sure lol!! anyways, sorry for the interruption, and enjoy!~

readying herself, she approached further to the microphone, which she'd bought with her own paycheck in preparation for this and future videos.  "so, to be honest this is a little different..." she started, staring off to the side where the lyrics lie. "basically, i'll be doing a remix! but not in the way you'd expect. i'm going to do a song to the tune of she's a baby, but i'm using my own lyrics in korean, english, and chinese." nerves are evident in her face, not knowing quite what people would think of it. she still wasn't as confident in english and korean as she'd like to be, but saw this as her chance to practice and experiment with pronunciation. and if that didn't work? she could say she was working on improving her singing.

"all right...i'll start now! fighting," she announces, clasping her hands together as she decides on jumping right into it rather than waiting. she had vowed to give the song a different twist - and this was about as different as it got. closing her eyes, she allowed the track to start, and began to sing along.

믿을 수가 없어 난생처음인 걸 이만큼 쏟아부었던 적 퉁명스러운 말투 숨겨놓은 그 마음을 도전들으로 눈치챘어

the lyrics don't seem to be so different yet, the only phrase replaced being "just one challenge" than "just one kiss". romance just didn't fit into the equation for these lyrics. the words spoken are true to her heart however, and just as the song implies, she's found it difficult to gather the courage to write such personal lyrics. the song itself, though in third person, was a direct relation to her life. however, she felt that by speaking from an outside perspective it'd be easier to share with others and that it wouldn't feel quite as pitiful to sing as she felt writing it.

행복해, 불안해? 그녀는 혼란스럽다 all day It’s 오케이, she’ll be 오케이 그녀는 강한 소녀해

the first words are spoken with exaggerated confusion, tingyan putting her aegyo to work with some puzzled looks, followed by a laugh of embarrassment. consequently, her voice falters at the second verse, but steadies once she's gained her composure. the lyrics "she'll be okay" and "she's a strong girl" are more of a hopeful assurance to herself than anything, and it shows in the way tingyan nods along to the song, her hands to her heart. they show that, although she has doubts, she's still sure of herself and the fact that things will be alright.

(정말) she’s a baby 아주 예쁜 애기 말씀하시면 she’ll say “안돼요!” 그렇지-그렇지 그렇지만 그녀는 상냥해 비밀이에요 (shh)

the chorus is where she really starts to have fun, beaming as she begins to sway with the beat. at the first line she points to herself, showing off a childish grin before moving on. at the second line, it's a bit of flattery to herself, evident in the way she teasingly flips her hair at the self-directed compliment. at the third, however she wrinkles her nose at  “안돼요!”, waving off the camera as if proving her denial of the former statement. she's having a lot more fun than she's expected, really letting loose instead of being so concerned with her appearance as she usually is. it's surprising, especially since people might judge her the most on a platform like this. but in the moment she's herself, which is essential for a personal song such as this, and may be the reason she decided to upload this version opposed to the more structured one she'd prepared. at the last line, she puts her fingers over her lips, eyebrow upturned as she flashes a mischevious grin to the screen. classic tingyan.

라타타타, 라타타타 라타타타, 라타타타 라타타타, 라타타타

the melody is spent causally, preparing herself for the upcoming rap. she wasn't ready in the slightest. singing was one thing - though she wasn't the best in it, she was fairly average and felt she could do well for the video. rapping, however? she'd struggle through it.

애기 이름은 팅기안이 많은 매력 is her specialty 我是中国人 我来自上海 但我说 “你好, 안녕하세요, hi!”

surprisingly, the verse goes well, putting her chin in the v her hands had formed below her when her name is announced. the second verse is a little difficult to spit out with the rhythm of the song given the difficulty of the english pronunciation, and though she falters a bit she uses her charms the song describes to make up for her hiccups. she recovers quickly when the lyrics unexpectedly revert to her native tongue, the chinese rolling off her lips much more naturally and proving it to be her most relaxed language spoken. the mention of shanghai causes her to grin, cupping her hands over her mouth as if she's yelling to all her friends still there. speaking the language of home, she pauses for a moment, a brief second of nostalgia washing over her before she travels to the next verse. truthfully, tingyan wondered who would be watching - if her friends from home would see this, or the dreaded idea of her mother judging her through the lens. she has to wash those negative thoughts away, however, and quickly she starts switching from chinese, to korean, to english. the line is meant to show her duality, and she feels it works, the girl not able to help but let out a small celebratory yes! after she's successfully completed the sentence.

야 tingyan babe, 오늘 뭐해? 찡그려 친구 없어,  어떻게요? 울지 마-세, 서울’s 오케이! 시간이 걸립니다 babe

since the song's aimed at her, she speaks the first verse to the side of her as if she's another individual talking to herself informally. her tongue gets tied at the second line, however, the phrases sounding so similar she has difficulty articulating them properly. these lines are spoken with sincerity, the lines still applying to her nowadays as she'd faced new difficulties in seoul. at the last part, 시간이 걸립니다, she has a hint of uncertainty, as if the saying is something she'd like to believe but isn't too sure of anymore. things take time, of course, but it's been two years and tingyan still feels completely lost. but once again, there's no time for moping, because another line is just seconds away.

she’s a baby 아주 예쁜 애기 나 보살핌을 원해 all day “help me! help me!” 말하고 싶어 나는 못해, yeah

tingyan decided to skip two verses of the song, in an effort to both keep the video short and limit the amount of struggling she'd have to do when writing. the last verse brings the viewers to the end of the song, the familiar ring of the chorus back in swing. the words change at the last three lines, however, the confession of the third certainly shocking, even to tingyan. the female wasn't one to express her emotions, or innermost needs, so for her to admit she needed care it was clear the song meant a lot to her. it felt easier, though, with the 3rd person  dialogue being on her sided, but once she reaches the end she has to face the reality. "help me! help me!" she sings, a hint of humor in her voice as she mimics a damsel in distress. but the humor soon leaves at the last line, the one she'd chosen to write in first person. saying "i want to say [help me] but i can't" makes her feel like the wind is taken out of her, just as the audio comes to a stop. for a minute, tingyan stays still, blowing air out as she grasps that she really did that. of course, that portion is edited out, and the next thing viewers see is the smiling girl bowing to the camera. "thank you for watching my video! please support my future ones, and tell me what you'd think...down below!" she points down, to where she's edited in the words comment, please! in chinese, english, and korean. "and don't forget to like!" then, a gif of ryan from kakao displaying hearts appears to the side of her face, edited in afterward. "until then, tingle tingle little stars, goodnight!" the outro's awfully cheesy and she has a feeling she'll change it later, but regardless, she laughs it off and waves one last time before the screen fades to black.

[theonyxpath]

Figured that now would be a good time to take a look at how things are going with your favorite gaming company.

No, not them, I mean Onyx Path. Sheesh.

After all, we’re near the end of the year – at least the part before everything gets holiday crazy – and next week we start our They Came From Beneath the Sea! Kickstarter.

So let’s take advantage of the time period and have a little snapshot of where we are. We’ll do more of a “Year That Was” thing in a later blog, I think. (This one is long enough as it is – yeesh!)

2018 was a challenging year, but one where we were able to catch up – finally! – on a lot of projects and start delivering some delayed ones…as well as delivering a bunch of Kickstarter projects earlier than estimated!

If you recall from MMN blogs in the past, I started Onyx Path with a three-part plan for the sorts of projects we would take on, so let me divide my comments based on that.

1- Our Wholly Owned Games:

This category is perhaps our timeliest right now, with both books for Scion 2nd Edition and the Trinity Continuum Core and Aeon all having delivered their KS backer PDFs and in various stages of prepping for their traditional print-runs.

This is very satisfying to be able to say, because as our KS backers know, a large part of the delay in getting these two lines to this point was needing to create a system for them that wouldn’t fall apart at higher power play, and which, frankly, was designed with an eye towards the last couple of decades worth of how games are played.

And while still being a recognizable dice pool system for our fantastic fans of the first editions who kept these games alive all these years!

Just today, our old friend and long-time writer and developer Bruce Baugh posted a long and informative “review” of Storypath on his Facebook page and RPG.net, and I’m taking the liberty of posting some of his thoughts here:

I mean to say, if, on the other hand, you tell players that all active approaches are good – that every one solves some problems well and makes for entertaining drama in trying to solve ones it’s not so great for – the choice moves from “should I risk it?” to “_how_ should I risk it?”, because of course they’re taking the kind of risk and get to decide how. Presuming here that players want to have an adventurous good time, the game’s stepping up to point out the scenic attractions and give them a hand where the footing’s tricky. I love it.

Or take a situation where the character’s pursuing someone, using the Athletics skill. The Forceful character uses Might, running fast, bursting through barriers, maybe throwing things to bring down the pursued, and so on. The Finesse character uses Dexterity, perhaps engaging in impromptu (or prepared!) parkour and acrobatics. The Resilience character uses Stamina, and might look for shortcuts that involve kind of long falls, knowing they’ll be able to take the blow, shake it off, and keep going. Every option is good, every option invites the player and Storyguide to look for opportunities to engage with the setting.

Meanwhile, as those two lines move to printing, we have Scarred Lands, which seems to be living up to its name. After a decent start, we had to go back to square one and reconsider how to publish this classic White Wolf-created D20 game after the death of Stewart Wieck, who was originally my partner in publishing it.

I’m glad to say that we indeed have a plan for how to “reactivate” Scarred Lands and you can look for a Kickstarter for the 5e version of the famous Creature Collection early next year. We’re teaming up with a brand new design studio to bring you a gorgeous and exciting new version of SL‘s classic monster manual as the start of more Scarred Lands greatness.

If you’re looking for a Scarred Lands actual play, Travis Legge runs one on Twitch: They play Mondays from 2-4 PM CST at twitch.tv/plasticageplays and archive episodes on YouTube at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SzVwM7FjhlU&list=PLmiXCaSrrCIjmCJQQ7oLwLNahmDbdn_2J and release it in podcast form via anchor at https://anchor.fm/mythsandmatchmakers

They Came From Beneath the Sea! art by Larry Blamire

And for the fourth of our Onyx-owned projects, the aforementioned They Came From Beneath the Sea! Kickstarter emerges from the waves next week on December 18th. Here’s a link to the teaser trailer, created by film legend Larry Blamire (Thanks, Larry!) and we’ll  be revealing an Actual Play vid later this week across our social media:

Matthew and I will go into some more detail on what led up to this most unusual tabletop RPG next week!

We have some possible new game ideas percolating away right now, but I’m not in too much of a hurry to launch a new one right away, there are still great expansions and ideas to explore for the ones we already have!

#2- Creator-owned partner games:

Headed up by Cavaliers of Mars and Realms of Pugmire (which includes Pugmire, Monarchies of Mau, FetchQuest, and the upcoming Pirates of Pugmire).

These are different than a straight-up license, in that the creators are generally deeply involved with the project. Often they do a large percentage of the writing, or bring in teams they run for it. Depending on how we conceptualize the deal, they may have a lot of input on the art or just work on the concepts and let our art and layout folks do the voodoo that they do so well.

Scarred Lands was originally structured far more like this.

So, basically, I look for creative partners that have a very strong vision for the game world, and who I like and want to work with. From there, if the game line exists in the main book and some Stretch Goals, that’s cool. We made the thing and with the magic of the eternal shelf on DTRPG, that’s all it needs to be a success in my thinking.

If the line keeps gathering interest, we’ll try out more projects if the creator is cool with that. That’s the key, we don’t do anything if they aren’t OK with it.

For Cavaliers of Mars, we have just got the books selling into stores, and we’re going to see how things go. If you haven’t heard Rose talk about Cavs on the Onyx Pathcast interview that went live last Friday, it’s a great listen, and she gives advice on how to get started with Cavs as a bonus!

Here is the link to that: https://onyxpathcast.podbean.com/e/episode-29-rose-on-mars/

Roll of Good Dogs and Cats art by Shen Fei

Realms of Pugmire is the umbrella brand for Pugmire and Monarchies of Mau projects, and we still have a wide range of projects that came out of both Kickstarters. Here’s Eddy interviewed at PAX Unplugged by Gamerati: https://twitter.com/gamerati/status/1070095836233646081

I currently have two creators talking to me about teaming up for their projects, and again, I’m pretty good with our current slate here, but if the opportunity suggests itself I am open to adding more.

#3- Licensed games:

Which of course start with our WW-owned World of Darkness, Chronicles of Darkness, and Exalted gamelines, but which also include Dystopia Rising: Evolution, and Legendlore.

No doubt about it, this has been a challenging year with our White Wolf licenses. To give you an idea of the complexity, Matthew’s oversight is primarily “just” the WoD projects, and Dixie covers CofD and Exalted. Eddy covers all the rest, with Matt overseeing a bunch of our fiction projects.

The transition to Vampire: The Masquerade 5th Edition, and getting Mage, Wraith, and Changeling 20th projects to final stages at the same time was a huge effort, but seeing the success of the V5 Chicago By Night Kickstarter has justified it. We felt it to be important for Onyx Path to be able to show what we could do with V5 books, as we had a few pundits insist we could only do “old” Vampire.

Chicago By Night put the stake in that!

We’re moving along really well on Exalted 3rd projects as well, with Dragon-Blooded looking to release its Backer PDF several months before estimate, and Lunars looking good for having its complete text ready for an early 2019 Kickstarter. Meanwhile, there have been monthly PDF releases all year, and smaller EX3 books working their way through the production progress list.

I can’t say enough good things about the entire EX3 creative team, and I’ve just been impressed as hell with co-developers Robert Vance and Eric Minton. They work with their writing teams and with Dixie to maintain their vision for the line while incorporating the creativity of the team.

The Chronicles of Darkness game lines continue to come on line in terms getting their projects finished up in reasonable time frames, and Dixie is still working with the creative teams to emphasize their strengths, and bolster the areas that give them trouble. We’ve had some real movement VtR2, and the Night Horrors books, and then Mage2 is getting back on track as well.

As you can see in the project progress list below, we have some fantastic WW game line projects already rolling into next year, and a bunch of pitches at WW we are waiting to hear back on.

We ran the Dystopia Rising: Evolution Kickstarter this last year, and it was enough to seed several added projects as Stretch Goals to the line. I don’t think we actually reached as many of DR‘s fans as we could have, judging by the comments we’ve received after the KS was done, so it will be interesting to see how sales go once it is in stores.

We picked up this license for a few reasons. First, DR‘s top folk, Michael and Ashley, are extremely smart and creative folks who have innovated a lot in the LARP area, and we like people who can teach us stuff. Second, a new kind of zombie mythos that we, the horror “experts” hadn’t had a chance to play with.

Third: zombies meet Mad Max. Love that woohoo concept. Finally, and really most importantly, it gave us a chance to try the Storypath System in a world that was both grittier and more horrific than baseline Scion or Trinity Continuum. This was really important, and from I’ve heard it works really well for this sort of genre.

For Legendlore, well, apply what I’ve been saying about finding licenses that we can apply our aesthetics to, not visual aesthetics as we’re flexible about those, but design and thematic ones. For now, I’ll leave it at that, as the book has just appeared in the project process queue, and we’ll say a lot more about it next year.

Will we be adding more licenses this year? Well, discussions continue on several properties, so we’ll see. Basically, a license has to be either one that we feel we can create compelling worlds from, even if it is an already existing game, and that works well with our publishing model, or that pays us oodles of cash for very little work (riiiight, and if you find one of those, let me know!).

Trinity Continuum Core art by Pat McEvoy

We’re thrilled to be able to publish so many immersive worlds where players can find deep meaning in their game play. That’s a testament to the amazing writing and visuals that take us to all these places, and to an in-house team that has filled-in, rejuvenated, cajoled, encouraged, and relentlessly supported our out-of-house creative teams.

Mighty Matt and Mirthful Mike, and our trio of Dixie, Matthew, and Eddy, have pushed, prodded, pleaded, and practically puked to get our vast array of projects finished with love and care this whole year, and their efforts are paying off big time as noted above!

In fact, you can listen to the Terrific Trio every Friday on the Onyx Pathcast and often get some clues as to where the projects they are responsible for are headed, and the sorts of challenges they surmount every week.

This Friday, they flash back to the conventions we attended a couple of weeks ago and tell each other about their favorite characters!

Truly, this post has been all about our:

Many Worlds, One Path!

BLURBS!

KICKSTARTER:

Next up, we’re working on the Kickstarter for They Came From Beneath the Sea! (TCFBtS!), which has some very different additions to the Storypath mechanics we’ll be explaining during the KS.  They take an excellent 50’s action and investigation genre game and turn it to 11!

Check out the teaser above!

Looking to start on Dec 18th at 1pm EST but run it extra long into January!

ELECTRONIC GAMING:

As we find ways to enable our community to more easily play our games, the Onyx Dice Rolling App is now live! Our dev team has been doing updates since we launched based on the excellent use-case comments by our community, and this thing is both rolling and rocking!

ON AMAZON AND BARNES & NOBLE:

You can now read our fiction from the comfort and convenience of your Kindle (from Amazon) and Nook (from Barnes & Noble).

If you enjoy these or any other of our books, please help us by writing reviews on the site of the sales venue you bought it from. Reviews really, really help us with getting folks interested in our amazing fiction!

Our selection includes these fiction books:

OUR SALES PARTNERS:

We’re working with Studio2 to get Pugmire out into stores, as well as to individuals through their online store. You can pick up the traditionally printed main book, the Screen, and the official Pugmire dice through our friends there!

https://ift.tt/2w0aaEW

And we’ve added Prince’s Gambit to our Studio2 catalog: https://studio2publishing.com/products/prince-s-gambit-card-game

Looking for our Deluxe or Prestige Edition books? Try this link! http://www.indiepressrevolution.com/xcart/Onyx-Path-Publishing/

Here’s the link to the press release we put out about how Onyx Path is now selling through Indie Press Revolution: http://theonyxpath.com/press-release-onyx-path-limited-editions-now-available-through-indie-press-revolution/

And you can now order Pugmire: the book, the screen, and the dice! http://www.indiepressrevolution.com/xcart/manufacturers.php?manufacturerid=296

DRIVETHRURPG.COM:

This week, in celebration of both Monarchies of Mau and Cavaliers of Mars being live for retailers in Studio2, we have new themed merchandise on our RedBubble store: postcards and mugs and all sorts of stuff!

CONVENTIONS

Start getting ready for our appearance at MidWinter this January in Milwaukee! So many demos, playtests, secret playtests, and Onyx Path Q&As you could plotz!

And now, the new project status updates!

DEVELOPMENT STATUS FROM FAST EDDY WEBB (projects in bold have changed status since last week):

First Draft (The first phase of a project that is about the work being done by writers, not dev prep)

C20 Novel (Jackie Cassada) (Changeling: the Dreaming 20th Anniversary Edition)

M20 The Technocracy Reloaded (Mage: the Ascension 20th Anniversary Edition)

M20 Victorian Mage (Mage: the Ascension 20th Anniversary Edition)

City of the Towered Tombs (Cavaliers of Mars)

Mummy: The Curse 2nd Edition core rulebook (Mummy: The Curse 2nd Edition)

Scion Jumpstart (Scion 2nd Edition)

Geist2e Fiction Anthology (Geist: The Sin-Eaters 2nd Edition)

Pirates of Pugmire (Realms of Pugmire)

Distant Worlds (Trinity Continuum: Aeon)

Dragon-Blooded Novella #1 (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Across the Eight Directions (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Exalted Essay Collection (Exalted)

Legendlore core book (Legendlore)

Creatures of the World Bestiary (Scion 2nd Edition)

Redlines

Deviant: The Renegades (Deviant: The Renegades)

Witch-Queen of the Shadowed Citadel (Cavaliers of Mars)

Scion Companion: Mysteries of the World (Scion 2nd Edition)

Memento Mori: the GtSE 2e Companion (Geist: The Sin-Eaters 2nd Edition)

Second Draft

Tales of Good Dogs – Pugmire Fiction Anthology (Pugmire)

Night Horrors: Nameless and Accursed (Mage: the Awakening Second Edition)

Heirs to the Shogunate (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Scion Ready Made Characters (Scion 2nd Edition)

Development

Hunter: the Vigil 2e core (Hunter: the Vigil 2nd Edition)

CofD Contagion Chronicle (Chronicles of Darkness)

Lunars: Fangs at the Gate (Exalted 3rd Edition)

WoD Ghost Hunters (World of Darkness)

Oak, Ash, and Thorn: Changeling: The Lost 2nd Companion (Changeling: The Lost 2nd)

CofD Dark Eras 2 (Chronicles of Darkness)

Manuscript Approval:

Wr20 Book of Oblivion (Wraith: The Oblivion 20th Anniversary Edition)

Trinity Continuum: Aberrant core (Trinity Continuum: Aberrant)

Editing:

Signs of Sorcery (Mage: the Awakening Second Edition)

Aeon Aexpansion (Trinity Continuum: Aeon)

Dystopia Rising: Evolution (Dystopia Rising: Evolution)

M20 Book of the Fallen (Mage: the Ascension 20th Anniversary Edition)

Adventures for Curious Cats (Monarchies of Mau)

In Media Res (Trinity Continuum: Core)

Tales of Excellent Cats (Monarchies of Mau)

V5 Chicago By Night (Vampire: The Masquerade)

Spilled Blood (Vampire: The Requiem 2nd Edition)

Night Horrors: Shunned by the Moon (Werewolf: The Forsaken 2nd Edition)

Post-Editing Development:

C20 Players’ Guide (Changeling: the Dreaming 20th Anniversary Edition)

Indexing:

ART DIRECTION FROM MIRTHFUL MIKE:

In Art Direction

Dystopia Rising: Evolution – Finals coming in.

Geist 2e

The Realm 

Ex3 Monthly Stuff

Chicago By Night – Contracting next bits.

C20 Player’s Guide – Still sketches and more sketches.

Aeon Aexpansion

They Came From Beneath the Sea! – KS prep.

EX3 Lunars – Sketches coming in, some finals already.

Signs of Sorcery

In Media Res

Marketing Stuff

In Layout

Ex3 Dragon Blooded – 2nd proof.

Ex Novel 2 (Aaron Rosenberg) 

Proofing

Scion Hero – Page XXs and then Indexing.

Scion Origin – Page XXs and then Indexing.

CtL2 Jumpstart – At WW for approval.

M20: Gods and Monsters – With Phil.

Pugmire Roll of Good Dogs and Cats

Trinity Core – Waiting for errata from Backer PDF.

Trinity Aeon – Waiting for errata from Backer PDF.

At Press

Wraith 20th – Waiting for new cover proof. Everything else good to go though.

Wraith 20 Screen – Printing.

Scion Dice – At Studio2.

Lost 2e Screen – Printing.

Scion Screen – Printing.

Changeling: The Lost 2e – Soon shipping from printer to shipper. PoD proof ordered.

Fetch Quest – Proof sent back to manufacturer, printing starting.

Exalted 3rd Novel – Prepping for release.

PtC Tormented – PoD proof ordered.

TODAY’S REASON TO CELEBRATE: 

It’s 7th Sea creator John Wick’s birthday today. I’m sure he doesn’t feel a day older than YARRR!

[pokefanbri]

1st I have to say this b4 I repeat the post from fb. This is a place where I can speak my mind freely without judgement, speak my peace even. Which is exactly what im gonna do so prepare for a read. So think what u want idc, but the last thing I wanna do is tick some1 I know off cause on some level there's a mutual appreciation & respect regardless of my impression. And anyone that reads this isn't obligated to understand my opinion & I dont expect u to. With my brain its my thought process to let information out of my head so I can put things aside, observe & absorb more lol. Writing is another tool or coping mechanism for my anxieties & other psych ailments, treatment for my mental health depends on it & other hobbies in other words, especially during shutdown, something to focus on. Heck even youtube is recommended by my doctor if it keeps me happy lol. But because ill be working again, I may not have time to do alot of things I like sadly..idk i just wouldnt want to be burnt out & focus on more important things. I have a high respect for anyone working around people during this time & it must worrisome for u too, means I have to keep on my toes as well soon..its a scary world out there for an introvert but I was killin it in NY too. It was just a slow steady process with all the limitations & moving my life up there wasn't easy to begin with but I pulled through & did it all...only for it to be taken away.

So, I'm an Irish, German, Canadian,British Mut from tucson. Maternal & paternal immidiate families lineage mixed made me, including my NY blood from my bio dad. The rest is all over Europe but u get the idea. Tucson may be where i was born & my 1st home without a father & raised not knowing (were mardi gras babies btw 😒)

But NY is & will forever be my 2nd home i dont care what any1 says, I felt I belonged there. Its the other half of me quite literally.Theres a memory that's really been bugging me. Last day b4 i left it, a bald eagle flew across my path in the sky no joke going NE & I was departing back to the SW. I chose the eagle years ago cause I identify with it. including the background symbolism in different phases of my life that included them lol, but to actually see one was just amazing.

They symbolize strength+freedom in general despite it standing for the country from sea to shining sea lol. Also Braviary was always in my pokemon team besides pikachu since its gen came out lol. I've always been strong, whether some believe it to be true or not is their problem, only I know the things I've gone through. Point is different ends of the spectrum its always been with me throughout in some way & im glad i got to share it with someone that gave me the freedom I needed.

But yea I experienced what its like to be there & got to know that part of me even if I didn't find him & maybe didnt care...I feel I was meant to be there. I was in touch with my roots, lower Temps & above sea level rather than high temps & below sea level 🤣 I loved everything about my time up there. It'll always be a part of me, & I hope to see it again. But I digress.

But in regards to the relationship itself, emphasizing on what i said b4. Just as it i got "settled" in it was gone & I had no clue what was happening without my knowledge, the whole plan to bring me back, all of it, the whole chain of events that unfolded the way it did starting with leaving a marriage in the 1st place to be with him i mean come on lol. Chasing a dream that didn't play out the way we had hoped. I took leap of faith & I ended up starting over twice in 1 year with no benefit of the doubt. I still have my ny health insurance for the rest of the yr, I have to add it to my list to apply again in az. Ive been wearing the wrong prescription glasses for 6 months under quarantine & they're just now getting to stage 4 of opening lol. Just understand how frustrating that actually is for someone like me & u totally get it 😅 U want to take care of business but sometimes you're limited & gotta work around it. had all that covered there & then was told I settled, wrong thing to say & its no wonder I didn't blow up in his face right there & then 😒. But I have retraint & can control myself. Though it was out of my hands the new relationship didn't have to go sour, been just as long if not more, could've actually thrived given the proper balance with room to grow. Idk, Sometimes I honestly don't think anyone believed in me. I mean I have no debt, no record, no kids, im a clean slate type of girl lol. Yes I did end up feeling unappreciated, underestimated, a bit neglected, insecure about my body, ashamed for being myself, & I shouldn't have to feel that way at all & if that happens there obviously something off. I just didnt know what it is he wanted & needed, i wanted to help & be a good partner to this dude but why is it bad to ask the same in return? I shouldn't have to drastically change myself to fit someones standard i know, but...i needed the old him back, I missed the old us & wanted to get back to that.. Was always so closed off & probably ended up in his own head who knows, maybe there was guilt for some of the things he did & didnt want to hurt me anymore, spare my feelings any more than it did b4 it was too late.idk whatever the excuse i still don't know what triggered it all to fail so easily & i don't think i ever will. But ending up with the conclusion that I was the problem, its narcissistic to even believe that & i won't accept it. Not when he can't confront his own issuse & put blame onto himself too.. it was a low blow & literally felt like my heart was pierced at the sound of it. If im to blame its the other way around as well. My point of view wasn't acknowledged so this is my take & experiences of happened so plz dont hate me for speaking my truth.

But yea I can tell when somethings not right & feel strong empathy for others emotions. I knew something was different, there were signs everywhere since the mistrust started & during the last half of that time with him I questioned everything but sat in my own headspace as well as he did just thinking about it. If anything we failed eachother, the blame is on us both but idk what else i could've done to get through to him. That's the stubbornness, he wouldn't budge. Despite how things went down..Leaves me to think, what was the point of having me there in the 1st place, to not follow through with our shared hopes & dreams but instead spiral into such resentment for me that the interest faded. But at the at the same time...even if it ended early for him, I didn't give up & I fought to keep us okay which it was for the most part. Hindsight is 20/20, it definitely wasn't negative all the time. In fact things were great between us & acted like goofballs together, that right there is a friend despite if the stronger feelings weren't mutual. Nobody with hate in their heart acts like that, he was good, the best, cheered me up when I was down, shared interests & did things for eachother. But that alone makes me question what was truth & what was fiction sometimes ever since the trust between us started to fade. Am I in the right to feel what im feeling right now? Im angry & upset yes very, but the kindness he had throughout..he did care in his own way...which makes things so much harder.

Tripadoodle if some way you're listening, I hope u know now where im coming from. For your own benefit & quest to be a better man like you always wanted...actually try. Head my advice. Making yourself better shouldn't be put on a womans shoulders to do for u without her getting lifted in return...its alot of weight to handle for 1 person to carry lol. Get off your ass & build on yourself, learn from everything that happened & become better for yourself & the sake of others, Because it starts with u. Go to church if possible or watch them, it really does help. Even from across the country I still want u to do just as good & help u as a friend. You promised we could remain friends & im holding my end of the bargain whether u like it or not lol it was your idea during the ride here. All I wanted in the end was to not lose u in my life completely...but i should be patient i know.. Theres more space, im not contacting u directly & respecting that, eventually ill stfu lol but I feel I need this rn. I should hate u,but I cant hate u, I do still care, u had that affect on me so much that I can't really listen to others when they say ur a douchbag lol, u were still my rock the whole time even if u didn't feel the same after a while & u did help me alot as well. I see the good in people & u are good, with well balanced snarkiness & humorous sass to boot. light a fire under ur own ass & ull be okay lol. Never stopped believing in u. Ive seen what you can do, you're very smart & know your sh*t, u will go far lol. And as a friend I'd lend u my strength if I could but the most I can do is pray for things like safety/protection, healing, forgiveness, guidance, etc. Leave it to God if u feel compelled to. Give zanabell a hug for me.

God i talk way too much 😅 No im not doing any of this for attention, I want my voice to be heard as well as a possible learning experience if it had that effect on anyone. The things we learn build character & help us understand a little more about ourselves. Probably shouldn't share cuz its nobody's business, yea ive thought of that too.. But its a blog lol, Tumblr allowed it to be that space, opinions and rants are allowed & encouraged. Nothing wrong with that 🤷‍♀️ so who gives a crap.

These are pictures of the NY sunrise & AZ sunset. Clouds always get me cuz of the shapes, used to to take pics of them all the time. once saw mario holding a hammer when I was a kid 😂 3rd & 4th pic is a split rainbow, never seen that b4...either someone found the gold or its deciding whether or not to connect. Probably was connected but I missed it lol. But then I looked behind me after the split 1 disappeared & a double rainbow was forming. Nature can be scary but also beautiful

[crystal-grumps]

Not a lot went up during Angst Week.

Yeah… not many people submitted things for us to post. I (Mod Penguin) was writing something to post but I ended up getting stuck on it and that week got kinda rough for me so I scrapped it… I kinda blame some poor planning as well. I thought it might be cool to line up an angst week with my Birthday (since Angst is my specialty) but I failed to realize that most people would be starting school that week an likely unable to participate… Again, I take full blame for that.

Almost 90% of our content is user submitted… so if we hit a lull there isn’t too much we can do. We try to dig up old submissions on the occasion but a lot of them are from before we were mods and it’s kinda hard to remember the context. We might do a full Inbox clean-out to make room for newer submissions and salvage what we can.

We’ve had a bit of a content lull in general… Personally, I blame the extreme hiatuses and general lack of news for regarding new SU episodes on CN’s part. Granted, the Hiatus will always be a part of the entertainment industry, and CN is always 3rd behind Nick and Disney. But in terms of keeping the SU flame alive: most we’ve had are a few podcasts with the cast/crew on ITunes and the occasional teaser or Meme from their social media plugs. 

Another part is in due to Controversies with certain youtubers… Pe//wDie//Pi/e and J/on//Tro//n in the last year were under heavy fire because of outright racist and anti-Semitic statements. We didn’t make any real statements on them because the truth was we didn’t know exactly what to do. We weren’t sure if we could remove them because these two in particular took the rolls of two characters who’s equivalents are very important in SU. And if we did remove them we’d have to shift things around and find other youtubers to replace them as well. And if THOSE guys did something bad it’d be phase-1 all over again. (Which is the main issue we get with these sorts of things and the problem we have to face with having an AU based around real-life people).

We also had the issue of past content created for these characters, which personally I don’t think we’ll remove them (AND WE HAVE NO PLANS TO) because it’d be censoring the blog’s history and hey, history has it’s faults… It’d be worse to erase the bad parts and pretend they never happened than to acknowledge that they were a part of the story and learn from them.

Though, I think I speak for us when I say that we should have definitely been better at addressing the things that happened than to wait for them to blow over, and on behalf of all the mods: We apologize. We do not stand with anything these two have done or said. We’re just in a bit of a bind trying to figure out what exactly to do. This is also why we’ve more hesitant about asks regarding adding certain youtubers/groups (A big one being the O//n/ey-Plays group, who… aren’t really the best in regards to LGBT or Racial problems and we aren’t too keen on adding them in when they have that already under their belt… We didn’t really have much of a choice with Matt/Ryan but they’ve seemed to have mellowed out since joining Grumps so maybe those two have seen the error of their ways… but we can’t say the same for On//e/y and his friends)

TL,DR: We have some management things we need to address/adjust/fix… We plan to do so once we figure something out.

(I also want to say, if you have any issue with the things said, take it up with me personally... I’d be happy to hear your input, and also would request that no backlash to come to any other mods but myself. The majority of this post is my actions, my opinions, and If i anger or upset someone: It’s my responsibility to address/listen to it. My main blog is @penguinpatrolerarmy. Message me there.)

-Mod Penguin

The text under the cut contains things regarding Hiatus and the state of television… If you are interested in reading about it. I figured i’d include these things as they do somewhat affect the blog:

To continue: The news of Adventure Time’s final season going to be dumped on Hulu makes me think the same is going to happen with Steven Universe. The main reason the network doesn’t air their episodes as often as TTG is because their longer overarching plot lines makes it harder for new fans to jump into it. Same thing happened with the Attack On Titan fandom, A large majority who only watched the anime and couldn’t access or didn’t want to read the manga moved on in what ended up being a 4 ½ YEAR hiatus… TV animation, especially story driven and action based shows that cost more to produce, isn’t as financially successful on cable today.

DVDs/Blu-rays are dying out to the digital market, so putting out every episode online where viewers can pay to watch them at anytime and at their own pace is the better for the company’s finances. That’s why Voltron: LD does so well and is booming in popularity… more people have Netflix today than they do Cable. Plus, fans who just outright purchase a show only have to worry about regular 6-month to 1 Year hiatuses before getting an entire season dumped out in a day… Sometimes even Less than that.

I apologize for rambling, but I wanted to get things stated while it was fresh in my mind. 

[jeonjeonyourwayhere]

Youtuber!BTS AU (1 of 7) - Taehyung

So i wanted to start writing more but i’m going through a weird writer’s block

like i cant really write in proper paragraphs but ideas are filling my head constantly

but point form works great

also, i really wanted to make moodboards more because they’re loads of fun heh

anyway so here goes

Taehyung would be a very independent content creator like he doesn’t give a shit about the trends on social media and refuses to cave into popular demands

he only does what HE WANTS like strictly, he needs to enjoy the content he puts out

he once tried doing a challenge video like maybe the smoothie challenge

(i really like that challenge btw it’s funny heh)

but as he was filming it he just wasn't feeling it

so that’s how he ended up dragging Yoongi into filming the video with him and like changing it up making it more intense (or gross)

Yoongi hates him for it of course

not for long because tae is his baby and a younger brother he could never stay angry at for long but we’ll know more about yoongi in another post

Taehyung starts off his youtube channel with challenge videos but eventually deviates from it after he realizes his passion for prank videos (and occasionally gaming videos with Jungkook)

with the occasional aesthetic vlogs when he takes his periodic trips with Jungkook

Jungkook likes dragging him to Japan because that’s the heart and soul of Anime and Jungkook could never resist

but that’s also a story for another day

So Tae does daily vlogs during those trips and those videos would have transitions so damn smooth like a baby’s bottom and the scenery would be so beautiful especially with the filters he would use

Taehyung actually has a very good eye for matching color schemes and aesthetics

He also has pretty good luck with seasons as Jungkook tends to bring him to Japan when each season was at it’s peak

but he doesn't do those videos often because the inner perfectionist would chide him constantly and he’d end up abandoning the project because he just! cant! do! it! justice!

so sometimes his viewers end up a little confused with his posts because one day it could be

STUFFED HOT CHILLI PEPPERS DOWN MY PANTS!!! *not clickbait*

and the next week would be “Travelogue Day 01: Cherry Blossoms!”

But his content is always 300%

and he also refuses to create separate channels to separate his prank content and aesthetic content

“i’m too lazy ok i don’t want to keep logging in and out of both accounts”

(same tae same)

so one day he’s out filming a prank video with Jimin where he goes up to random strangers and asks them for directions or sth

and Jimin comes up from behind carrying a packet of fake (but pretty realistic) knives

and oh! accidentally bumps and drops the knives on taehyung’s wrists

and BLOOD OH THE GORE but really it’s raspberry puree

you were his 4th target of the day and he’d come up randomly to you asking you for directions to the subway station

and you’d seen Jimin coming towards you both looking all casual like he’d just done shopping

and as Jimin “trips” and empties his knives on Taehyung

You pushed Taehyung away and screamed as your hands went out reflexively to grab the knives

but WOW! MAGIC! the knives weren’t real

Jimin was left shook

And Taehyung wasn’t sure how a stranger he’d just met would push him away from danger and risk themselves instead

So you were left there for a second, kinda confused as to why you weren’t bleeding the fuck out until Taehyung comes up to you and is like

hey there!!! are you ok!!!

i was doing a prank video and I'm a youtuber

but you’re really cool!!!!!

like how the heck would u just push me aside and do that???

Then you snap out of it and you’re like IM OKAY IM FINE IM NOT BLEEDING

and honestly Tae finds you the most adorable thing eVER

and you look at his face properly for the first time and you’re like fUCK bOi hE’s cUtE

like really fucking cute

but you also recognize him after like 10 seconds of staring straight at his face

and you’re like HEY UR TAEHYUNG

and he’s like YEA DAS ME

Jimin this whole time is just staring between both of you like whAT

then Tae goes on to ask you if it were okay for him to leave the clip of you in his video like what you did was super cool and he really wanted to keep it in

you were a blushing and fumbling over yourself and like yE IM COOL

and he just hugs you once and grins his boxy smile and goes on his way while pulling Jimin away with him

you pull yourself together and go on your own way too

but i mean

you were a tad bit OK A LOT BIT sad that you couldn’t get to talk to him more or sth

but oh well what could you do right? pretty boy probably has a country of girls after his ass

on the other hand, as Tae is re-looking through the footage back at his place in his swivel chair and chewing on marshmallows

jimin stares

“what?”

“tae…did you just what me?”

“um…yeah”

“DID YOU NOT SEE THE WAY THAT GIRL SAVED YOUR ASS i mean it was fake knives but”

“She was amazing like yO i’ve never seen such a quick reflex and she was really pretty and-“

“and you didn’t get her name or number or anythin-”

“OH MY GOD YOU’RE RIGHT”

so Tae goes on a little panic spree and he like totally regrets just skipping over talking to you and stuff

like he was so ecstatic over the fact that someone actually reacted completely differently during his pranks and like he wanted to edit the video you know

like pronto

“needa put out that quality content in 0.5!!!”

so he starts pacing in his apartment and he’s like wHAT DO I DO

Jimin kinda slaps him over the forehead and is like brO YOU HAVE FOOTAGE JUST USE IT

Tae kinda realises how much of an idiot he is and gets to work immediately

6 hours later and it’s like 2am and his editing table is filled with caffeinated products and his hair is in a mess that kinda defied gravity and was pointed all upwards

his eyes were bloodshot from staring at the screen constantly but he was ay okay!!!

because he finally completed the video and he was gonna find you!!!!!

so how does he actually find you? he doesn't

you kinda find him

one day you wake up and your best friend was blowing up your phone

so you shift your way out of your blanket burrito and rub your eyes clear and all you see is 21038364213 links to the same damn video on youtube

like

BITCH

WAKE UP

AKLDNIUABSK

WAKE THE FUCK UP

PRETTY BOI IS LOOKING FOR YOUR ASS

LINK

LINK

LINK

yeah you get the point

so you’re like half asleep and all hazy in the head after studying the whole night away

you finally come online and your friend is like “FINALLY BITCH” and you ignore her and proceed to click on the link and it redirects you to youtube

and WEW it’s a certain someone’s channel!!!

Video Title: SOMEONE SAVED MY LIFE!!!!

of course, taehyung would use those obnoxious titles

so you’re like ok go on and you press play

and his intro song plays and it goes right into the prank video where he introduces what he’s going to do and what’s gonna happen

then right after the 3rd person’s reaction, the screen blanks

you blink once

and pretty boy’s face pops up on screen!!!!!

“Hey guys!! So like what you’re about to see is pretty damn amazing and this girl right in that video, I kinda need help to find her”

“So please, like PLEASE start blowing up her phone if you happen to know her and let her know that I’m looking for her!”

“If you’re the person I’m looking for then PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE come contact me on any social media you want, I’m not picky!!”

He grins once more and it goes right back into the prank reactions and wew there’s you!!!

You’re rubbing your eyes more violently this time and you see the footage of taehyung approaching you and jimin comes from behind

then there’s your heroic act of protecting the boy who was still a stranger to you at that point in time

the screen shifts back and taehyung appears once more

“this girl was SO amazing like yO her reflexes!!!!! Keep an eye out for this girl and blow her phone up if you find her for me! Stay cool and peace out!”

Then he does his signature V sign with his fingers and his outro plays

you almost drop your phone but immediately snatch it back and go straight to dialing your friend’s number

it was an emergency and you needed immediate consultation on how to approach the situation at hand like HOW DO YOU CONTACT HIM? WHERE DO YOU CONTACT HIM? WHAT DO YOU SAY?

“CUT IT OUT, JUST SLIDE STRAIGHT INTO HIS DMS”

you do end up heading onto twitter, searching up his account and hesitantly clicking on the message button

you start typing a bunch of greeting messages but backspace is your best friend and you don't know how to start

“hey! it’s me!” NOPE

“greetings taehyung” NOPE

“it is I! Y/N!” Hell to the fucking no

so you end up just going with “boo”

and it’s almost an instantaneous reply where he goes “IS THIS YOU”

and you go “ye”

“DIS YOU?”

“ye dis me”

Taehyung swtiches to your profile in the meantime and ignores all the mentions he’s getting from his viewers (they all link you to him btw like jesus tae your followers are great stalkers)

he looks at your profile picture and it’s definitely you in an oversized grey hoodie with totoro ears and you’re absolutely snuggable

so you guys eventually meet up at a cafe that happens to be round the corner down your block and he’s already there legs crossed on his chair

you both happen to wear oversized hoodies and you both looked absolutely adorable and comfy

he buys you a drink and you both end up chatting for hours getting all jittery from cups of coffee and it starts raining and it gets all cold and it’s just gREAT

you guys continue texting for the next couple of weeks and y'all head to more cafes to hit up that caffeine

then one night Taehyung just NEEDS you to come over to his place and this sounds too quick but don't jump all ahead and hear me out

he calls you while you’re like halfway through one of his random videos

“how would you feel about playing a round of mario kart with me? your defeat shall go straight up onto my youtube channel for all to watch”

“prepare your ass for your own defeat”

“HOOOO you’re gonna regret that”

So you throw on some clothes that are somewhat presentable but still screaming “i cant be bothered”

he invites you in immediately and you guys charge straight towards the tv and grab your controllers and it’s really natural like you’ve been talking for maybe 2 months and you’re really comfy around each other and it’s great

you do end up beating his ass in mario kart

tho he gets back at you in the next round

He did film the entire night so you weren’t surprised that his workaholic ass churned out a 20 minute long video in just 5 hours of editing

“you need to cut down on caffeine tae”

“yes indeed i do”

he posted the video that night and when you woke up the next day, you were honestly expecting death threats from his fans

yes there were a few, like this world isn’t that nice sweetie

but what surprised you was the sudden surge of shippers that flocked to both your social media and tae’s

(not that you were unhappy, it was quite the opposite in fact)

they started labelling you as TAEBAE

because yknow

Tae’s Bae

Then that morning, you receive a message from Tae

“TAEBAE, HOW DOES A TRIP TO THE ZOO SOUND?????”

“Tae????”

“YES”

“What’s with the taebae”

“DAT YOUUUUUU and i’m almost outside your place so you’re coming to the zoo whether you like it or not”

“wHAT”

your first date ends up to be at the zoo and at that point you weren’t even aware that it was a first date like tae is a little fast-paced but you catch up real quick

you guys are terrible at planning so once you get there

you buy hotdogs and slushies and head towards the animal enclosure in a zigzag fashion across the entire zoo

one moment you’re watching the lions lie on their bellies and the next moment tae is giggling over butterflies landing on your head as you walk through the butterfly enclosure

dont forget that tae vlogs the entire day on his gopro

halfway through the day, tae finally grabs a map and finds out that there’s one last animal show and you both race towards it

only to get front seats at the aquatic animal performance

“TAE I ONLY HAVE THIS SET OF CLOTHES”

“SO DO I HEHEHEHHEHHEHEEHHEHE”

you guys get swamped with water but you both cheer at the seal’s performance because it’s a seal and it’s beautiful!!!!!!!!!

But it’s honestly the best date you’ve ever had considering your history with guys like not many of them even knew basic respect

you guys continue running the entire day making it to every enclosure and re-naming every animal

like the lion is richard, tiger is damien, giraffe is steve and ur fave was felicia the butterfly

at the end of it all, your legs were falling off and tae was practically dragging you back out the exit

you and tae end up going to the nearest drive-through and getting burgers before parking at the nearest outdoor carpark and just camping in the car and chilling with food

tae definitely drags you for getting the typical cheeseburger but you stand by your choices in life

it gets a little late and it’s around midnight already but you never want the day to end but you still don’t really know what you are to tae

“Tae, what’s going on?”

“What are you yapping about”

“Like, seriously, what are we?”

Tae goes on an entire monologue about how he was sure he’d hear this question sooner or later and he hops out of the car and rounds to the back and opens the trunk

the car wobbles a little as he grabs whatever he needs from the back and makes his way back to the driver’s seat again

he knocks on the window and gestures for you to head out to the back with him which you follow with the raise of an eyebrow

he gestures to the trunk and when you get back there you kinda just gasp like really loudly and stare at the box that sits right in the middle of the trunk and you don't know what to do

“go on, go grab it”

you freeze once more before going for it and touching the smooth surface

you’d recognize it anywhere

it was the latest nintendo wii and you knew it cost a bomb

“but wHY”

“because my girl needs to train up on mario kart so we can trash Jin at it”

“g-g-girl?”

“hell yeah baby”

and you leap into his arms

not because he got you a new game console with a pile of mario games

but because you really loved the boy in your arms

it didn't take long for him to creep into your heart and he wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon :-)

AND IM DONE

[glorykrp]

SHOWING RESULTS FOR: SOOIL.

✩ Nam Sooil                              ✩ November 2nd, 1995 ✩ Namyangju, South Korea       ✩ Halcyon

LATEST RESULTS ON THE TOPIC.

Nam Sooil – Artist Profile. Sooil is Halcyon’s maknae and lead vocalist. He trained for 4 years prior to debut.

Halcyon (할시온) “Erase / 삭제” Music Video – Youtube. Feb. 8, 2013. Watch the official music video for Halcyon’s debut song.

Halcyon’s Sooil Is The Newest Model For CARIN – Naver. ❬ +2,697; -216 ❭ Sooil-ah, Alway are always cheering you on!

RELATED SEARCHES.

» Nebula Black          » Tales Album          » Sooil 2017 Drama

PERSONAL LIFE.

november 2nd, 1995 - 9:27 PM

after twelve grueling hours of labour, nam sooil is born. he reportedly screams so loud that patients in the hospital’s neurology ward, two floors up, issue complaints to their nurses. his mother soon falls asleep, but she and her husband spare a moment to share a smile - with that kind of voice, there’s no doubt, their son will belong onstage.

january 19th, 1998 - 8:04 PM

his mother is on a world tour, performing pieces from her most notable operatic roles and a few of his father’s best compositions, and sooil is given permission to follow along. tonight they are in sydney, australia, and he is so tired from the flight earlier that day, and it’s so close to his bedtime. as his mother’s makeup artist completes her finishing touches and she heads towards the stage, the tears come. he’s crying, his mother takes an extra thirty seconds to hug him and wipe his tears, and her manager crouches down to his height and tries to reassure him that “she’ll be back soon, i promise!” they carry him backstage and let him watch his mother perform from the wings, but he doesn’t care about that anymore - his eyes are fixated on the audience, the applause. he’s fascinated. he watches the stage for the rest of the tour, and doesn’t cry once.

april 12th, 2000 - 2:48 PM

he sits at a shiny grand piano, stacked on top of a pillow and the bench so that he could reach the keys. his father blows notes through a harmonica and he plays them, matching each one perfectly. another man (dad says he’s korea’s best music teacher but really he just seems kinda loud and scary) laughs and claps his dad on the back. he is not entirely sure why he smiles as he keeps following along.

january 30th, 2002 - 9:15 PM

he is at the piano again, but this time there are people watching and lights pointed at him that make him squint. his feet can’t touch the floor but his knee bounces; sitting still for stretches of time makes him restless, and he wishes he weren’t stuck there. but he can see his parents standing backstage, beaming and giving him a thumbs up, squeezing each other’s hands. he knows what they want so he complies - his small, six year old fingers find their places on the keys and he plays. the reviews that come out the next day are glowing - how could such a young child play chopin so easily and so skillfully? with the parents he has, it’s no wonder it comes so naturally to the boy. he becomes a name in the classical world overnight.

september 22nd, 2003 - 10:34 AM

the park near the nams’ house has a community centre with a kids’ baseball team, and sooil begs his parents to let him join. they have a hundred concerns - if he hurts his hands now, he risks losing a career that has hardly begun. but the coach comes over to talk to them. they’re just kids, they don’t hurt themselves too bad, he’s careful, and if something does happen, he’ll heal quicker now than when he’s older. finally sooil gets to do something he really wants. he runs around, rolls in the dirt, catches and throws and bats to his heart’s content. for the first time ever, he is able to run all the energy from his body.

august 26th, 2006 - 12:09 PM

he’s out with his friends getting burgers for lunch when a car drives past them, blaring some kind of noise with an upbeat rhythm that he can feel through the pavement. he stops walking, his heart pounds. in his ten years of life, he’s never heard something like it. one of his friends says “ugh my noona always plays super junior so loud i hate it” and sooil is hooked. he stays up all night listening to old shinhwa and tvxq cds borrowed from the library, and he fills an entire notebook with compositions that week. they’re messy and awful, but he knows he has to keep going.

december 15th, 2008 - 6:17 PM

it’s not like he’s given up classical. he’s still playing recitals, helping his mother rehearse, dropping by her concerts every once in a while to accompany her. but one day over dinner he announces that he’d auditioned for an entertainment company, and that they’d offered him a contract, and he can see it. his parents hate it. they think he’s wasting the gift he has on garbage. they don’t say much about it, until it’s too obvious, and everyone is sensitive and everyone is yelling and he’s tired, so so tired of it all.

march 3rd, 2010 - 7:54 AM

he thought being a piano prodigy would’ve been a bit more of an asset in the music industry, but boy did he know now. after just over a year of training, sooil has discovered every flaw and crack in his talent that exists. training to be a vocalist should be easy for the son of a celebrated opera singer, but sooil’s narrow range proves that not all of his mom’s gifts were passed on to him. he’s a hard worker, and he knows they see a debut ahead for him - his compositions are where his talent really lies, and even his not-ideal vocals are improving. it’s just a matter of determination and patience.

february 10th, 2013 - 12:41 PM

it took a while, but now he’s here. onstage, grinning from ear to ear, a mic in his hand, his sweaty palm no match for his vice-like grip. for a moment he forgot about the blood, the sweat, the tears that brought him this far; he forgot that his parents were likely not watching the broadcast at home. sooil felt that he’d climbed everest, and now he had no choice but to go further, higher, into the stars.

STRENGTHS & WEAKNESSES.

+ comfortable: sooil is very comfortable onstage, in front of a camera, in front of the public. his infectious bright energy allows him to draw attention towards himself, which is a great asset on variety shows and much appreciated by shyer group members.

- anxious: since early on one of the best ways for him to contribute to the group was by composing, but when halcyon went through their decline soon after debut, it was easy to put the blame on himself. as they’ve started picking themselves back up, sooil still can’t shake the threat of easy and quick failure that lurks around every corner.

+ sponge: sooil is good at picking up skills and learning quickly. even if he can’t quite master something completely, he can usually get to a decent level of comfort with it - it’s helped him a ton in his acting career, especially right at the start.

- spread too thin: while sooil is obviously multitalented and versatile, it’s impossible that he masters everything. the expectations placed on him to write music, act, work on his voice, ignore antis, and keep his bubbly energy up means more stress and less confidence.

+ vitamin: sooil is the cute, youngest halcyon - he learned from the start how to work it. he’s good at making people smile and laugh, even if it’s at his own expense. when things start going in the wrong direction, sooil turns the mood back up.

- proud: although he learns easily, sooil is not usually ready to admit he needs help with anything. this means that a problem that could be fixed with a few pointers and practise runs takes way longer, way more convincing, and way more frustration than necessary.

2017 INTERVIEW.

being famous was great when they were the rookies everyone loved and talked about, but it got old real fast. about a year after their debut, halcyon had their highly anticipated second comeback - another full album, with four whole tracks written by sooil. the press fawned over them, the fans counted down the minutes, the album was polished with pride. they released it and the responses were… tepid. it was worse than if they had been truly bad. after a year of so much praise and popularity, sooil scrolled through chatboards and twitter threads calling his music, the music he and his group wrote and poured so much work into and bled for, “boring”, “repetitive”, “old”. as soon as he heard it, he knew the fans were right. suddenly he hated performing the songs, hated having to talk about them over and over on tv, hated having to write new ones. he hated standing onstage and seeing fewer signs with their names, fewer lightsticks in their colours, hearing less and less voices chanting along.

for the next comeback, sooil tried to write songs that were more upbeat, uptempo, exciting, a dance track like the ones he’d found and fallen in love with as a kid. nebula turned them down. they kept releasing more of the same, they kept watching fans go. by 2015, sooil could walk around town without a mask on to hide his face. after hex debuted, there was another, more exciting boy group from nebula. the fame and recognition they had worked so hard to earn was being taken out from under them.

now that he’s earned some more personal fame from acting and that halcyon’s recent releases have gotten better responses, sooil’s ego is sufficiently pampered with crowds waiting to take his photo at the airport, full schedules, sold out fansigns. but fame has a new edge to it now that he knows how easy it is to lose it, and how hard it is to earn it back.

[szopenhauer]

Do you eat a lot of soup? no

What’s a youtuber you would love to collab with? Grav3yardgirl and Rachel Maksy Do you think you’re successful in life? pfft Which pharmacy do you use? local Is there a good hospital where you live? I wish... What’s your favorite color that you’ve dyed your hair? green Do you ever eat ice cream in the winter? never

How do you feel about David Bowie? I liked some of his songs

What color is your pillowcase? one’s white and the other’s green, next there’s a pillow with black animals on it and a poop emoji, I could also consider my stuffed dog/sheep as a pillow

Would you rather date your opposite, your ‘twin’, or someone in between? someone in between, closer to twin

Are you a moaner, a screamer, or totally silent? xD ekhem...

Do you ever make up your own words? :] yeah

When did you have your last 'facepalm’ moment? probably today

Has a boyfriend or girlfriend ever nicknamed your, erm, 'privates’? xD ...

Have you ever accidentally ended up in another country? wtf What would you do if the earth was about to go into an ice age? freeze lmfao

What’s the coolest thing you’ve seen out the window of an airplane? not applicable Does your neighbor have any pets? most of them Have you ever dreamt your house was on fire? yup Would you stay home from school/work just cause you want to take surveys? I’m not that lazy and irresponsible What’s your 3rd last favorited video on Youtube? Rats have a slap fight or How to hide a sword in your dress On the main page on Youtube, what are the three recommended videos? Epic Chinchilla Dust Bath in 4k Ultra High Definition! My cat went to the neighbours to borrow a tiger plush toy :) Mrs. Doubtfire (2/5) Movie CLIP - Could You Make Me a Woman? (1993) HD everything else are music videos Would you ever work in a bookstore? maybe What is your best friend’s name backwards? not gonna tell you What’s the biggest city where you live? in my country? Warsaw

Have you ever voluntarily watched The Notebook in its entirety? recently

Would you consider yourself to be accepting of others? me? nah

Do you like Tim Burton? I must say he is unique

Do you believe in the ancient astronauts/aliens theory? if we’re thinking about the same thing...

What would your first reaction be if you saw a pigeon just…blow up? omg poor thing, yuk

Are you flirtatious? in a weird way?

How do you feel about mini or travel-sized things? o.o can be useful?

What do you do when you’re feeling creative? create?

What was the last thing to make you smile? not sure what was last 

Do you wake up during the night often? this year

Regular or curly fries? regular

why are you where you are right now? it’s my room and it’s late did you used to watch blues clues? no

do you stutter when you get nervous? very rarely anything special going on today? ugh... what is one memory you have from elementary school? have shitload what time will you go to bed tonight? uh oh...

[tamiddyinyourcity]

4:11pm.

I've got more Ls to say than Lil Wayne in Lollipop.

Sunday, May 3rd of 2020.

First thangs first, I'm gonna say it:

I'd absolutely 100% fuck his brother. 100%. 100%. No questioning it. Oh hell yeah.

Now that that's off my chest, today was the typical "cool I'm desperately trying to avoid having a panic attack so bad that I black out again" sort of day.

And despite of course me telling Patrick back in January about the times shit went badly before, and how I usually prefer talking 100%, usually to avoid, well, yknow... things I can't remember or mention but had hurt others.

Nigga chose not to speak to me.

Christ.

Anyway, whatever happens happens. Not gonna say much other than, people are really lame.

That's like if someone tells you "this guy is gonna avoid blowing up Mars, if you talk to your ex", and nigga is just like "hell no".

Niggas weird.

But I mean, I also do it to avoid hurting myself or others. Since if the options are:

Your ex girlfriend really needs answers after you cut her out of your life with no explanation ever.

Just have the five minute conversation.

Just let her Uber to your house and stab herself in the wrists and bleed out on your porch.

Then yeah, one has a low opinion of the person that chooses the first option.

And if the only way to avoid unhealthily doing something to myself is to do it to someone else when all healthy options have failed, oh well.

But for now, I at least got out the house. Its annoying being in my bedroom so much. Sure, the ease of not working and being able to eat and masturbate as much as I want is cool, but eventually, paddling the pink canoe more than eight times in a few hours and watching the same gaming youtubers gets boring.

And theeeeeen the "flashback to a good moment with that ex you despise", or "flashback to a terrible thing your ex had done", kicks in.

Absolutely nonstop.

For months.

Its annoying.

And of course before I went over today, I did try a mild grounding technique before being impulsive. The perk about being self aware at times, is still having a smidgen of "Bitch he does not care about you, go use your vibrator and hoodoo his downfall but DO NOT speak to that paste eating motherfucker".

Just posted on my story the general, "Hey yall please convince me not to speak to my ex".

General responses:

You think he's thinking about you for this long the same way? (True.... And ironically, just did the opposite type feeling for me.)

GIRL DO NOT DO IT I SPENT MONTHS IN A SIMILAR SITUATION WHEN I KNEW I DESERVED BETTER! Project this energy into something else! Learn a skill over the break to forget about him! Write about him! [Upon me hearing I've been writing about him for months] THEN WRITE SOMETHING ELSE, COME ON! Think about what he represents in your life, and why you're clinging onto him and chasing after the feeling and pain of rejection he left you in before if you know hes not right for you! (All good points, but frankly, feeling manic and woozy is a different mood, than my usual "i shall psychoanalyze myself to figure out why i care about him" type personality. No thoughts, just lyft to his house fam.)

Do you really wanna see him and think thats a good idea? What would you benefit from it? Especially after he hit you the way he did last time? [Upon me telling him that it's a different pale loser ex I'm talking about, and not the rapist I exposed this week, lol.] Oh okay. Eeh. Why? [Me explaining doing it to avoid something bad.] Oh. Okay. Well i trust that youll do whats right for yourself. And whats morally good for others. (All good points... Thanks, Jedi, you're a good friend, man.)

And hence, how I ended up being absolutely zoned out the entire ride over, and only having my "this is still a nuts thing to do" epiphany at the door, followed by my "but then again, its nothing malicious, you just plan to ask politely to speak to someone that you have caused absolutely no harm to" inner rationality.

Aaaaaand surprise.

My surprise was "Oh, wow, I expected to see his cool mom or his chill da

His brother answered the door.

A bit of a surprise, the hot dude from Colorado surprisingly coming back to our city. I guess if it was his mom or dad, that would've been expected. But plot twist, nah. His brother. Not much to say.

It's one of those glass doors, so I mean, he didn't even answer at first. It was just mutual surprise, seeing eachother.

Mine was of course mentally thinking, "Oh, wow, its the hot brother. Pleasant surprise, considering I thought that nigga was in Colorado or some shit for all of quarantine. Huh, nice. I wonder if he hates me. I wouldn't blame him if he did off of whatever Patrick told him."

And his face alone had the bewildered look of "Oh what the fuck, is that- yeah, it is", and so he just kinda paused in front of the glass, with the "I'm creeped out and dont know you outside of bad stories, and now you're at my house for god knows what reason" level grin of awkwardness I know relatively well.

It was nearly identical to the face Patrick made when I first showed up at his house unannounced, to get my christmas gift back. And the face his dad made, when I came over last time. (His mom never did that face; his mom is a cool person. Why do dipshit men have such cool moms? It annoys me. Especially if I gotta stop seeing their moms over no longer letting their very terrible son screw me.)

And yes, that applies to more than one person. [I'd be vibing with Patrick #1's mom, if not for him being such a pussy over dumb shit.]

Can I be mad at one Patrick at a time, please? Gracious. Agh.

Anyway.

DISCLAIMER, Francis is hot as hell. Maybe it's just me thinking that pale niggas with blue eyes that are taller than me are hot, or liking men that look bummy as fuck, but hes hitting all the notes my dudes.

Blame growing up and reading fanfic for my weird type in men, fuck you.

can i write on topic please, can i do that?

.....

Alright.

Anyways.

Francis just kinda did that little "wtf" bewildered pause, gave a little wave, then hesitantly opened the door.

From the best of my memory, the conversation was this:

Francis: hi

Me: Hi! Ho- *INTENSE HEAVING NOISE* -ahemsorryimhavingapanic attack, *hyperventilating* your name is Francis, right?

Francis: yeah

Me: ah cool! yeah, right, can I speak to Patrick please?

Francis: uhhhh, sure

(a few footsteps back, then few footsteps to return to the door)

Francis: says nah

Me: OHokaythankyousomuch!!!!

Francis: *just silently nods and gives me an odd look before closing the door*

....

Aaaaaaaa, what a way with words.

Just kidding. That was pretty funny, though, not gonna lie. But hey, at least I tried.

Still got to get out the house and get some fresh air. It felt incredibly good.

And I met someone new!

(That's hilariously fucked up, if me having the world's most short interaction with another human being, that still was slightly better than the average conversation among family, is still written off as "I MET SOMEONE TODAY, I AM SO AWESOME!")

But hey, it was. Hot people are a blessing. You don't even have to talk to them, you just see them and it makes your day. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa gah damn.

It's a shame that I'm in the timeline out of all possible outcomes where I never even got to meet the dude. It would've been nice, on a platonic level. We had at least minor shit in common. (But then again, i dont know if "knowing about specific crimes i cant list here" is a good reason to build a friendship... then again, I tend to build friendships from thin air, so eh.)

Anyway, gonna avoid dwelling on how life would be like if I was in an entirely different scenario. The magical universe of "I have no enemies or people that hate me around whatsoever, and people actually try to make situations better" wont happen.

My guess is the closest possible next realities are:

Somehow, I end up banging his brother.

The classic "3 months to 6 years later, they regret things" situation. (Usually not fully regretful of their actions, usually just horny)

And if the reality where I forget he ever existed comes in? Can it come quicker? I don't want another concussion that causes me pain to remember certain years, but like, something to make me forget entirely.

I really loathe relationships. Just as a whole.

FWBs? Guess what, someone will catch feelings. If its me, the other person loathes me. If its the other person, cue them manipulating me into getting my guard down, getting me comfortable and excited with them, before pretty much doing the emotional equivalent of hugging me from behind, climbing onto my shoulders, and batisa bombing the fuck out of me, obliterating every bone in my spine and legs, then leaving me in pain as they walk away.

(Its SO ANNOYING, OH MY GOD???????? OH MY GOD. WOW. Niggas go "wow, she also wants a no strings attached fuck? we have so much in common, i am in love with her", then realize that responsibility or reality kicks in once my relationship expectations eventually happen or whatever projected fantasy of me being their manic pixie dream girl slightly fades.....) [But that means my pussy is bomb, so at least there's that.]

And then relationships...

Whew boy. Men do not know how to let girls down.... whatsoever. Well, actually, they do. But instead of "gently", they do it quite.... dramatically, yknow?

Where situations that called for a "lets meet up and talk it out somewhere quiet", or a "quick phone call just to tie up loose ends", had been greeted with ghosting, or dudes wording shit in the harshest way possible.

There's a big difference between "Hey, I'm not sure I'm interested in still pursuing you romantically", and *radio silence*.

And for the Patrick #2 scenario, a biiiiiiig difference between being honest, or intentionally leading a girl on.

Which seems better to do when the ex you've been banging for months wants closure, and is prone to have panic attacks or black out when treated terribly by other people?

Be honest off the bat, in a non cruel way, and leave room open for emotional venting so everyone leaves the relationship satisfied, and with the knowledge that it's completely over.

Lie about not liking her, gaslight her and treat her like an idiot for something that you indeed did, and then take it back 24 hours later, saying you do reciprocate all her romantic feelings, then blocking her an additional 24 hours later.

See, man..............

I may be nuts, but stupid or crazy? Not as much as someone would assume. Growing up researching and reading up on as many psychology terms and disorders as possible, to understand both my bullies, the narcissists in my own family, and of course, pussy or violent or cruel ex boyfriends...

One kinda has the ability to go, "Ah cool, that's gaslighting and emotional manipulation, when you lie about something that's actually true, for your own personal pride or benefit, or simply, to avoid doings things you don't wanna do. Mixed with him being too maladaptive and a people pleaser to bother telling that Bush Hoe to back her ass up, and overall valueing me less than the ones he's known for years either way. And his anxiety causes him problems, especially with hesitating towards things outside his comfort zone, also due to his Danny Defeato attitude and pessimism about mild change."

People like that won't feel happy if they never change their life, man.

But whatever, it also correlates to the perception of worth another human being has to another.

Waiting for the day where my mind will let all of this sink in and go, "I don't hate him, not entirely, and just am overall disgusted by him enough to not want to think about him for more than one second."

It's not my first time having this experience.

Hell, I did get over Zack #2 when I lost my head for a little bit. (Then again, he moved to LA, or at least claimed to, so one does lose the energy to think 'fuck that nigga im gonna ruin his life' if they're miles away. One can, since less consequences, but still, too much energy that can be spent doing something else.)

5:27pm.

I'll forget them eventually. I'll hit the Zack point. Where instead of thinking of them and going into a downward spiral about how I must secretly be a terrible and malicious person, unworthy of any type of love or affection, and probably should be locked up for years to come....

I just look back and think, "What the fuck did i see in them?..... no, but REALLY. What did I see in them? Was it just the circumstances? It was just the circumstances."

Ah, being 17 and ready to go to jail over a 19 year old with his own apartment and a thick penis.

Then a year of pain, until the next summer, and surprise! After hella failed flings and downright traumatizing events, I met Patrick #1, and had felt a special type of.... I don't know if the word "love" is appropriate, so I'll say "actually real care" that I hadn't felt before.

(And that, kids, is why you don't traumatize your kids growing up. If you beat them or trash their things more often than you proclaim you love them, they'll end up like me, 19 and mistaken for 26 due to learning about how terrible other humans can treat the ones they 'like', at a young age..... and dark circles from crying and hella sleepless nights. Hug a local teenager today! Except, not yet, a pandemic is happening.)

Jesus, kinda fucked to know "I haven't actually felt genuinely cared for by another person, who hadn't pulled the rug under me like him" is an actual thing I said.

It's probably why I'm still caught up on Patrick #2, too.

.....

MIND BLOOOOOOWN, WWWWWWWWOAAAAAAAAAAAAAH WE JUST HAD A BREAKTHROOOIOOOUUUUUUGH.

Maybe Elle was right. I kinda knew, but whatever, me being impulsive lead to me seeing someone hot, so it was not a loss for me.

Anyway.

Patrick #1 had me in awe as a whole. He did eventually fall into the category of "Men that are hoes", but he was still a pretty dope dude when we finally got past the whole "he was a sports jock with a cocky attitude who only thought about himself but was covering up his desire to be actually seen for who he was, and she was a depressed chick with an eating disorder who almost fainted on several dates and craves actual intimacy past facades."

Haha brain go brrrr

LMFAOOO why did i write that? And ah shit, I gotta eat something. I had an applesauce and a cup of mandarin oranges today.... Am I incredibly sexy today? Forever and always. Do I still aspire to collapse onto the floor every time I shower? Probably not.

Progress, nonetheless.....

5:38pm.

So the natural complimentary aspect of a dude wanting to be seen, and a girl that digs people diving? Boom. Shit was cash. Pure bars. Hella dope.

Ironically, I didn't really like him until the 3rd date. Which was fair, he probably didn't like me too much until the 3rd either. He did nothing but talk about himself, and I did nothing but heard warbled sounds or a slight piercing noise whenever I was ready to fall off a stool.

Theeeen 3rd date, beach hangout, had bad sex, he unlocked Part 1 of one of my many sad personal backstories, fucked yet again, listened to his dads old records together, got dinner, unlocked Part 1 of his backstory (everyone has one,) fell asleep together, fucked again, met his family, breakfast, bonded with his mom, got Plan B, fucked again, went home... Lots of bonding, tbh.

(That's not even sarcasm.)

Then by the 4th date, he did the whole thing where he confessed liking me a lot more than he thought he would. (Wasn't offended, since that was the summer I had done that thing where I lost touch with my ability to care about men, city girl summer, aaaa i miss that feeling! Everyone was singin Act Up at random moments, talking about robbing dudes. Good vibes.)

Anyway.

Long story short, digged that dude a lot, and the feeling was mutual.

5:51pm.

Period just came.

That explains the random chills, and extremely bad homicidal thoughts.

My PMS symptoms:

Wanting to cry, but being unable to

Homicidal thoughts

Suicidal thoughts

Randomly full body cold out of fucking nowhere

Cramps

Spotting

Stomach sickness

So if I'm ever suddenly in a very dangerous mindset, then the first sign is, "What am I specifically mad about? Just, anything?"

The second is arm chills, even when covered up on a hot day.

The third is that specific ache in the uterus.

And the kaboom is the "oh" once I see a white tissue that looks like it was used to clean up a massacre.

Cool.

(Not super cool.)

Anyway.

I guess Patrick was really the first dude I could trust, and was super assured he wouldn't cross me. (The blonde one.) Between lots of exes before him, I sure as fuck didn't get any closure, any truth, any honesty.

Then fast forward years later, and suddenly I'm out here with a fine ass man that genuinely wants the absolute best for me? Will be the one to wanna take me out on more dates, and not just get sucked into an endless expectation of having sex with Netflix? A+, man. God was good as hell to make him. I'm sure some girls out there could say otherwise, but I never heard anything bad about him at all.

(Other than from his mom, but those were just 'if you took your eyes away for ten seconds he would be climbing on a shelf already' type childhood sharing shit.... Aw, cute.)

So, probably me being wrapped up in the most recent loser, was since he gave me a similar feeling that I didn't want to lose. And at the very least, having it end on pleasant terms would have been the best bet for me.

So, just for the red flags to come.... not.... fun.

Once you get that "someone in my life that genuinely cares how im doing" person, hard to let it go.

Jeez, I'm tearing up, thinking about it.

Admittedly, it was good. Not perfect. But nice.

Then the lies.

And the gaslighting.

It got too much. Like for fucks sake, so many things he chose to fib about for what?

He's not the person I thought he was.

Imagine if he told me the truth by the lake that night. That instead of brushing off my concerns, he made me feel like my opinion or perspective had value, and valued it.

Even Patrick #1 never devalued my perspective. If it were a "I'm kind of worried from the things you've told me about your close girl friend not really liking me, and I guess I'm just feeling sort of worried ot anxious and had panic attacks recently thinking about things", he would have NEVER done what my most ex had done.

Nigga would of made it as simple as, "Of course I like you, you never have to worry about it. And its fine, shes just protective over me and we've been close for years. Trust me, yall can even hang out this weekend". Or at least something that erased all my fears, yknow?

And that time Patrick #2 let another man legitimately spit in my face and threaten me.... Such an idiot. After our breakup when I went on that date with Patrick #1, to rebond a bite, even HE was angry, JUST at the idea of a man yelling at me. Nigga was shaking at just the idea of a dude yelling, so you can imagine how enraged he was hearing the whole "yeah he spit in my face and threatened to hit me, and my boyfriend stood off to the side doing nothing"..... (To be fair, #1 is super tall and muscular as hell, and #2 is basically my frame and size, but without the titties.)

But, still a general eye opener.

So, yeah, why want to bother with him?

He is a weak coward in every perceivable way.

Weak.

Coward.

Fool.

God, I'm only realizing this NOW. He can't even hold a candle to Patrick #1. (And before you go, "Tamia, girl, you name drop your ex too many times", that's because I find him AMAZING, and overall was one of the best relationships ever had!)

Probably should just list off traits he had, and just never lower the bar from there. Since the typical "scrawny nerds with nice eyes" route just gets me fucked over, so like....

Traits I admired from Patrick #1:

Tall and mildly intimidating/domineering. The difference between a snarky guy who's 5 ft 8, and a snarky guy that's 6 ft 6, is that the short one aoll gets choked, but the taller one chokes ME, so. That's a little on the nose, now that I think about it.

Not afraid to fight a motherfucker, but still knows when is the right time. He used to be a hothead until one day, he supposedly got slapped by a crackhead on the bus as a teenager, and punched him multiple times... teeth on the floor, both covered in blood. He stopped fighting others ever since he saw the horrified faces of all the other passengers.... a good guy, really.

COMMON SENSE! COMMON SENSE!

A surprising amount of patience. I've had my spouts of temper, don't get me wrong. But even if I hung up, he always called me right back, and calmly picked up where we left off, you know? I appreciated that, truly. (Not that I'm just a hotheaded person, but that was our "dude stop trying to guilt trip me into being poly" thing.)

And that panty incident, which I shall describe another day.... Nigga didn't even flinch whatsoever at "Have you and your godsister, ever..... yknow.... NOTTHATITHINKYOUHAVE? since its family, but like, it's not blood, and er, some of my friends weeeeere", nigga was real chill about it. Responded with the same nonchalantness as if I mentioned the weather being sunny. (Probably since he knew finding his godsister's panties underneath the bed made him look incriminating as fuck, and since he did genuinely know I felt horrible at the idea of even asking.) [Unlike mister 'youre a terrible person for being uncomfortable at me hanging out one on one with this girl who hates you'. A coward, i say.]

Ambition! I guess I liked my ex since he was conveniently not judging me for not being in college, since he dropped out from the overall stress and peril of it, but he never seriously did much. But oh look, Patrick #1 aimed high in life, and got high in his life. Shoutout to my old flame, nigga aims for six figures and I bet his ass is gonna get that.

Wasn't afraid to open up and be vulnerable. And even when he was, I knew it was difficult for him. Hell, I don't post his secrets on here, and dont recall ever having posted any, since I respected him that much. A man that actually can look me in the eyes and confess his feelings to me as I'm being held by him, on the spot, even as his knees are shaking and he's scared out of his mind at how my emotionally vacant ass could possibly react? Hot as fuck. Hot as fuck. Hot as fuck. So fucking hot. Taking that over mixed signals, every day of the fucking week. Even the time we hooked up in September/October, and he was putting on the facade of confidence (and so was i) to pretend he was holding things together as I was gone? Then us both mutually dropping the acts once we finally kissed, and just full on him embracing me and telling me how much he had been strugging without me being around? I swear to god, I see why we fucked so much back then, he wasn't just hot, he was the whole damn package back then.

Whew, I'm blushing and getting goosebumps thinking about it.... Wait, nevermind, its just the menstrual cycle causing my body to get randomly hot and chilly all at once. False alarm.

But yeah! Sexy guy, funny, charismatic, honest, had a life outside of me but pictured having me in it long term? (He was kinda weird with the way he kept picturing getting me pregnant.... Like damn nigga, don't manifest that shit! Manifest a ring, first.)

10/10 relationship.

I should probably stop bothering with anybody that gives me less than that 10/10 feeling.

Rich or poor, hot or ugly, sweet or terrible.

Truly.

And no more dating cowards. Matthew and Patrick #2 were identical in cowardice, preferring to run off without explanations, and both almost lead to some dangerous outcomes for myself.

(Luckily, I wrote a comic about the start of the romance and end of my mental health with Matty. I never completed it, but it ended with him being stabbed with one of the knives I got from him, and I think it solidified my interest in dark films, not even gonna lie.)

And two years later, Matty misses me....... Laughable. I guess its good to know that, knowing someone that 100% had no reason to do me dirty, eventually becomes yet another meme:

Hahaha, get fucked, loser.

So, no more cowards, no more men without social lifes, no more dudes that could probably snap like a pretzel both in terms of emotional and physical. And no more men that choose lying or running away from their problems versus taking a jump.

Since a coward dies a thousand deaths by imagining all the worst possibilities of any given situation, while a hero only dies one. And it wont be from the jump theyve hesitated, either.

Not too shabby. Manifesting that. All of that shit.

Feeling really good writing this all out, I'm not gonna lie.

I don't know if I wanna tell Elle she was right. She's a bit, er..... I don't know the word for it. Not egotistical, just I guess gloaty, or something. Or, she's like me when I psychoanalyze or take guesses at why a person is the way they are, but directly to them. (Like her accusing me of not being able to accept emotional intimacy over sexual intimacy, when I told the story of asking an ex if he was gay in the middle of sex, coughcoughmatty. But to be fair, a dude going "I LIKE YOUR HAIR, AND YOU'RE VERY SWEET AND KIND, AND UM, I UH, I LIKE THAT LITTLE BLACK BAG YOU ALWAYS WEAR? AND YOUR HATS!", during sex, is still pretty odd.... Also, the collection of dragon dildos peeking at me from the closet were present. And his sundress that he had to lift up to stick it in... some flags that were being raised... but long story short, the flags weren't rainbow, nor red, and he still tells people about that story.)

He was scared to seem like a perv during penetration, thats still fucking adorable to me, like.... bro its okay bring up how it feels its not bad

7:00pm.

Alright, a nice day.

And I'm still slightly internally thotting it up for Francis. The feeling will pass! Just like tjat time I was head over heels horny for that one guy I met with a Ukrainian accent.

Gonna go eat and probably talk to people or something.

Peace yalls.