#watching 4 seasons of a spanish show in 3 days five years ago STOP I HATE THAT THAT WAS FIVE YEARS AGO. whatever

[mwagneto]

i wasn't made for multilingualism coz why did i say "no merci" and "es ist ok" within hours of each other. cmon spanish i know you're in there

[purplesurveys]

1059

surveys by lets-make-surveys

1 - When you wake up, do you get up straight away or do you lie around in bed for a while? Lie in bed, even on work days. I work from home, so there’s nothing to prepare or look nice for, anyway. I can stay in bed and just roll out of it and head to my desk at 9 AM to start the day.

2 - Who was the last person you video-called with? Have you done this more often since COVID hit? Video calls make me anxious, so I’ve always turned them down even when it was someone I’m close with who was trying to call, like Angela. The only person I’ve felt comfortable having video calls with was Gab but that obviously hasn’t happened in a while. I think the last people I saw on video was my dad’s family, though I was still shy and asked my mom not to put me in the shot for too long.

3 - How many times a week do you go out for food or drink? Back then I’d do it 2-3 times a week. Then Covid happened and I had to stop; but now that I’m starting to try to put in more effort to take care of myself, I try to bring myself to a coffee shop for me time at least once during weekends.

4 - Do you prefer getting takeaway or actually sitting in a restaurant and eating your meal there? Dine-in. For me ambience is a big part of eating food, and even if I had the once-in-a-lifetime chance of getting to eat the absolute best meal in the whole world, if I’m eating it alone at home I would still feel like shit.

5 - Where’s your favourite place to get takeaway coffee (or whatever your drink of choice is)? Starbucks. We have five joints in the highway I live on alone, so it’s both a personal preference and a I-don’t-really-have-a-choice type of situation haha.

6 - Do you tend to keep your phone on silent, vibrate or loud? It’s on vibrate during work days; then I’ve formed a habit of putting it on Do Not Disturb during weekends or holidays.

7 - If you have pets, when was the last time one of them annoyed you? What happened? Cooper thought my hand was a toy earlier so he was biting on it, and not in a very playful way.

8 - When was the last time you went into a bookshop? Around a week ago when I was buying presents; I needed to get my cousin the mechanical pencils and eraser she wanted for Christmas. I also came across the bookshop that Gab and I would make a habit to visit, but I didn’t go inside as I didn’t know if I was prepared for the memories that would inevitably flood back. I looked through the stuff they had on their windows, though.

9 - What was the last thing you ordered off Amazon? I don’t know if Amazon operates here. But the last thing I got from a local e-commerce app - don’t judge me HAHA - is a phone socket featuring the face of my newest K-drama crush. I placed my order literally 10 minutes ago.

10 - When was the last time you took a dog out for a walk? Is this your own dog or did you borrow someone else’s? Yesterday. Both were my family’s dogs.

11 - What jewellery do you have on at the moment? Not wearing any, haven’t worn any in a while.

12 - Do you have any products in your hair right now? What are they? Just shampoo and conditioner. I never put anything else on it; I don’t really deem hair products other than those two a necessity.

13 - Have you ever used a VPN to access foreign content online? Hahaha no. I’ve wanted to try it out, but I’ve always been paranoid that the NBI would come knocking at my door the moment I install one of those.

14 - Who was the last artist you listened to? Is this someone you’re a fan of? She’s a Korean singer named Cheeze, though she’s honestly unfamiliar to me. The song she contributed for the OST of Start-Up is my absolute favorite in the entire tracklist, and that’s how I knew of her.

15 - What was the last thing you had to drink? I’m at a cafe joint right now and they didn’t have my usual order of caramel macchiato, so I opted for a Spanish latté because it sounded new to me.

16 - When was the last time you cooked something for the first time? Did it work out the way it was supposed to? I made a Monte Cristo sandwich, if that counts as ~cooking; this was about a little more than a monthh ago. It worked out significantly better than I was expecting, given how rubbish I am in the kitchen. I lacked a couple of ingredients, like mustard for the sauce and the right kind of cheese, but I still ended up liking it.

17 - Black cats are considered to be bad luck - is this a superstition that you’ve ever believed in? Not me personally, but I know this is still widely believed in my country. It’s sad, so I approach black cats whenever I can and play with them for a bit.

18 - Would you ever eat blue cheese or do you find the idea of eating mould to be pretty repulsive? It is definitely not my favorite; I’d say 5 times out of 10 I would consume it, and the other 5 I would set it aside. I enjoy it the most in pizzas and as a sauce for chicken wings.

19 - Do you visit the dentist every six months like you should? Is that the standard schedule? Lmao. I only go when I have to.

20 - How old were you when you first used the internet? Was it dial-up or did you have access to proper broadband? I was first exposed to the internet at around the ages of 3 and 4, when my mom would use the dial-up internet to email my dad (he had just started to work abroad). For many years I thought Yahoo Mail was the only website that existed, since that’s all I saw my mom use. Eventually my dad got broadband for the family by the time I was 10, and the first website I ever looked up was YouTube.

21 - Are you old enough to remember using floppy discs? I remember those; I just never had to use them myself.

22 - When was the last time you purchased an actual DVD or CD? Andi gave me a Petals For Armor CD for Christmas, if it counts. Because they’re the most awesome fucking friend. The last DVD I bought myself was probably a Beyoncé's Life Is But A Dream, which was...holy crap, 7 whole years ago.

23 - Do you shave? Which body parts and how often? I do. I shave my underarms every few days, and my legs monthly.

24 - What’s your favourite season, and what are some of your favourite things about that season? We don’t have the usual four seasons we hear about in other countries; we only have wet and dry. Between those two, I definitely like wet more because I love the rain, and I like how cold it can get.

25 - When was the last time you burned yourself? I took a big bite of a lumpiang togue yesterday when it was still piping hot, so it felt like I almost burned my tongue and the roof of my mouth. But since I was a guest at my dad’s family’s house, I couldn’t spit it out.

26 - Have you ever been the victim of a theft or robbery? What was stolen? Did the police ever catch the person who did it? Someone stole my wallet in high school, and I never got it back. It was a small petty thing that the police didn’t need to be involved in, lol. I know my mom’s family got robbed when she was a teenager, though; the worst thing that got stolen was their grand piano :(

27 - What was the last TV show you discovered that you really liked? What was it that got you to watch it in the first place? START UP. I first heard of it from my co-workers who would mention the show here and there; and because I was new to the team and wanted to have something in common with them so that I can break the ice, I figured I should start on the show myself. Ended up getting obsessed with the show and gaining a new Korean crush altogether.

28 - Have you seen any of the live-action Disney remakes? Which one is your favourite? What about your least favourite? No, those have never looked even remotely appealing to me. I never saw the point of recycling movies that already exist and already feel magical by themselves.

29 - Do you have any exciting plans for tomorrow? If not, how are you planning to spend your day? It doesn’t sound exciting on its own, but I’m very much looking forward to be a homebody tomorrow haha. We’ve been with extended family for five days straight and I’m at a café right now for some me time, so tomorrow I can’t wait to just be at home and lounge around.

30 - Would you ever keep a working dog as a pet? Do you think it’s fair to keep dogs like huskies in flats when it’s so different to their natural environments? If the dog is already trained or certified to be a certain kind of working dog, I don’t see the point in keeping them for myself when they could be beneficial for other purposes. The only time I see myself adopting a working dog is if they’re already at the point of retirement and would need a loving home to live out their remaining years.

--

1 - Are you a fan of garlic bread? Do you eat it on its own or as part of a bigger meal? Love garlic bread; I regularly have it with my pasta and occasionally, pizza.

2 - When was the last time your area was under some kind of weather warning? Did it end up being as bad as predicted? Last month, during Typhoon Rolly. Other cities had worse experiences, but it also wasn’t sunshine and rainbows on our end. We had a blackout for around two days and I had to file for an emergency leave four days into my new job, which was super embarrassing. It didn’t flood in our street but the water was high in other areas in our village, so we couldn’t go out for a while.

3 - Do you ever buy things from charity/thrift shops? What was the last thing you bought from there? I don’t recall ever buying anything from either.

4 - The last time you got fast food, did you eat in, takeaway or go through the drive-thru? My last fast food wasssssss Jollibee, and my parents got it for takeout so that we could eat as a family at home.

5 - If you have multiple pets, do they get along with each other? Hahaha no they don’t. It’s been six months since we got Cooper but the two still don’t get along, unless it’s Kimi trying to hump him. It’s understandable; Cooper is a vibrant pup that’s super excited and play bites all the time, and on the other side is a nearly 13 year old, nearly blind, can’t-smell-as-well-as-he-used-to senior dog; and I get that Kimi’s more sensitive to sudden movements now.

6 - Do you ever buy things off eBay? If you do, do you participate in auctions or do you just use the “buy it now” option? I never go on eBay. And since I’ve never checked it out, I never understood the gimmick of the website.

7 - When you go out, do you worry that you’ve forgotten to lock the door or turn something off? Yeah, this is especially the case with locking the front door.

8 - What fruits and vegetables have you eaten so far today? Do you tend to get your “five a day”? I didn’t know five a day is a thing of some sort; but it’s only 8:47 AM and I haven’t eaten anything at all yet today.

9 - When was the last time you were in pain? What caused it and did you manage to get it sorted in the end? Last night when my back was giving me hell. As for the cause...idk, years of bad posture maybe? I was able to deal with it for a bit with the new massage pillow that my dad got for Christmas.

10 - Do you live in an area that gets lots of snow? Do you like it? If not, would you like to live somewhere that gets that cold? I would love to move somewhere that’s generally more cold. Humidity gets exhausting to deal with.

11 - What was the reason for your last doctor/hospital visit? My fever had already been lasting for a week and wasn’t showing signs of going away. No Covid symptoms, just pure hellish fever.

12 - If someone had told you that 2020 would see a global pandemic, countries going into lockdown, compulsory face masks and millions of deaths, would you have ever believed that you’d live through something like that? My personal biggest surprise for 2020 wasn’t even the pandemic. I would have had a more violent reaction if I was told I would no longer be in a relationship and be barely talking to my then-girlfriend of six years by the end of 2020.

13 - Do you prefer having the blinds/curtains open or closed when you’re at home? Does it depend on the weather or the time of day? Always closed. I don’t ever voluntarily open the curtains or windows to let the sunshine in.

14 - Do you use an ad-blocker on your computer or phone? Why/why not? I use one on my laptop because the ones on YouTube can be extremely annoying. I didn’t know it was possible to put on ad blockers on phones (is it?).

15 - Do you still use a paper diary/planner to organise your appointments and schedules? No, but I’m thinking of getting a planner again for 2021. I used to get a Starbucks planner every year just because I wanted to get into their Christmas promo hype, but I never completed any of them. Now that I’m working and am busier all around, I see the bigger need for a planner. These days, I use a Google extension called Momentum to list down my to-do tasks. My parents also got me a corkboard for Christmas on which I stick notepads with things I have to do for the day.

16 - When was the last time you charged one of your electronic items? Do you have to charge that specific item often? I’m charging my laptop now. At this point it’s always plugged in because I want to keep the cycle count low, though I’m not sure if it’s the healthiest thing to do.

17 - Have you ever thrown or broken something in a temper? Yes, definitely. I’m not normally aggressive when angry, but sometimes it happens.

18 - What does your outfit look like today? Did you pick it out for a special reason? I have on a black sundress that I didn’t change out of. I wore it yesterday when I went to a coffee shop to spend some time on my own.

19 - Do you follow any vlogs or podcasts? What is it about them that interests you? I do follow certain channels who do vlogs, but I never tune into them since most of them have gotten a little uninteresting. I’m also subscribed to several podcasts like Andi’s and Renee Young’s, but I’m not always in a podcast mood; I subscribe because I want to support them.

20 - Aside from Tumblr, what websites do you spend the most time on? Do you go through phases of visiting certain websites? I visit Twitter and YouTube the most often. I will binge Reddit every now and then, and I will get into a Wikipedia black hole at least once a week.

21 - Do you have a good relationship with your siblings? If you don’t have siblings, what about your cousins or extended family? I do not maintain a relationship with my brother after he physically assaulted me last year. My sister and I are on good terms, but we’re not close in that I can cry to her or that we know each other’s secrets. We have a very good casual relationship, and we never argue.

22 - When was the last time you were up early enough to see the sunrise? I hate the sun so I don’t really do that lol.

23 - What movie series did you last watch from start to finish? Was it one you’d seen before? I only ever do this with Twilight. I have my annual Twilight Saga marathon where I watch all five films in one afternoon hahaha.

24 - Do you still enjoy watching children’s TV programmes? What was the last one you watched? Yeah, but only the ones I watched as a kid. My cousins and I watched the Wet Painters episode of Spongebob last Christmas Eve right after we finished Midsommar.

25 - Who was the last person to tag you in something on social media? How do you know that person? I have no idea. I’ve been going in and out of deactivation, so at this point I’m sure people no longer have any clue if I’m on a certain social media website or not.

26 - What was the last thing you took a photograph of? It was a screenshot of something I wanted to show Angela.

27 - Are you a fan of giving animals human names? Sure. I certainly find it funny when pets are given incredibly ordinary human names, like Bob or Mark.

28 - When was the last time you weighed yourself? Were you happy with what the scale said? Christmas Eve eve, when I saw a weighing scale in my cousin’s room. I mean it’s what I’ve weighed for the last 5 years or so, so I have no complaints.

29 - How often do you buy yourself new clothes? What was the last clothing item you bought for yourself? Used to be a few times every month, but I have not bought anything new since before the pandemic. The last items I got were still the tops with puffed sleeves that I bought in March.

30 - What is the reason behind your mood today? Is this something you could have done something about? I’m mostly at ease; a little anxious because work continues for a certain headache of a client even though we told them our office would be on shutdown; and a little melancholic for no reason. I’m trying to combat the latter by doing my embroidery and it’s kind of helping, but the sads are still lingering.

[vrenaewrites]

CARAVAL thoughts:

FULL VIDEO HERE.

Confession: I DNFed caraval about 2 years ago. I even included this book in a video called “reading 5 star reviews of books I hate” (either screen record and insert the clip from that vid or link in the cards skip to like 6:40 or both)

 Chapter 1

We open with letters that our main character Scarlett has written to the caraval master Legend

She really wants him to come to her island but he hasn’t 

She finally gets one back with three tickets for her Tella and her fiancé 

Chapter 2

Scarlett’s feelings came in colors “urgent red of burning coals, frenzied yellow of a flapping bird’s feathers” 

She goes to tell her sister Tella and finds her making out with a dude lol 

Julian is his name 

The edges of the paper “blazed a shimmery gold, the color of magic and wishes and promises of the things to come”

Tella hates the count Scarlett is betrothed to but Scarlett wants to leave their home so bad she doesn’t care who she ends up with 

“Gods teeth!” Is the expletive…

The prize of caraval is one wish 

They have to leave the isle within 3 days which would be impossible before getting married 

Tella’s lips “shifted from broken to unbreakable” NO

Last time they left Scarlett’s dad did something terrible to her

Julian offers to smuggle them to the island for caraval on his sailor ship (pirate ship??)

“Goldenrod desire lit up inside her”

Wishes were about as real as unicorns

Their dad shows up with gloves “the shade of bruises” 

Tella accuses Scarlett of hooking up with Julian RUDE!!!!

And Julian agrees!

Ohh because the dad beats the other sister so they’re trying to protect each other by accusing each other 

Her marriage is 10 days away

Chapter 3

Her fathers perfume smelled like the color of his gloves 

Julian decides to take them off the isle for free after witnessing this 

Tella says if she leaves she will never return 

“Her world was a grand game board, and her father believed this marriage would be his penultimate move”

“More than your sisters face will bleed” is their dad assaulting them?? Did I just gloss over that when reading this the first time??

“Weather worn white archways” loved 

Governor dragna sounds like judge frollo 

Their mom disappeared 7 years ago - abandoned them 

They have priests and piety and the devil but they don’t use the BC AD calendar instead going by seasons and rulers...why

Chapter 4

She felt the lie from childhood “sneaking into her slippers and moving between her toes” no you didn’t

“A broken dock like a massive tongue jutted out to stones that reminded Scarlett if uneven teeth” 

It was nights like these she could smell the moon - I wrote taste at first and taste fits better imo

A friend tried to help them escape once and the governor drowned him for it, Tella didn’t know about this 

She meets Julian here at midnight and barters all 3 tickets to keep him from helping Tella escape 

Julian and Tella ambush her and knock her out 

Chapter 5

“A pock marked moon winked in the glass”

She has a dream about their nana telling them how legend got his name 

First of all, legend is a bad dumb name and you should feel bad about it, Stephanie Garber. Caraval is also a bad name. 

He was in love with a woman named Annalise and would perform at a coronation to earn her fathers respect, but he needed a witch to grant him a wish of talent 

He had to choose between fame and love

So his name is legend because his magic is legendary? How tf did John legend not sue over this?

“Behind her a cloud drifted over the moon, covering all but two tiny points of light, which hovered behind her silver hair like devil’s horns” love this visual 

I’m calling it now, we’re getting this flashback because somehow, the dragna sisters are related to Annalise or remind legend of Annalise and this is why Tella gets taken 

Chapter 6

She wakes up in a rowboat with Julian after 2 days which is always a good way to pass the 2 days journey it takes without having to make anything happen lol I respect it 

Julian calls her crimson instead of Scarlett - hated it then hate it now 

Trees “rose toward the sky like massive emeralds” and the waterfall “streamed down like melted peacock feathers” no it didn’t because that makes no sense 

Legends private island is called the island of dreams in Spanish 

Tella has set up a kidnapping so Scarlett can go back without getting In trouble

“The image of a purple fire breathing dragon came to mind, coating her vision with ashy shades of anxiety”

I remember stopping very shortly after this and now I remember why - I can do purple prose but DAMN 

Their mom had “vanished taking nothing with her, she disappeared like a broken star leaving the world untouched, save for the missing bits of light but no one would ever see again” Good purple prose 

We get some backstory on how her Nana was more involved after her mother left, and we get to hear again about how great her stories are, even though we just spent a chapter getting that first hand from a flashback

She barters with herself to stay only one day and then go home for her wedding 

There’s a hole in the boat so they swim but she didn’t take her dresses off so she starts to drown

“You deserve this” because of Phillippe, like hands the water pressed her down down down 

Julian saved her and cuts off her dress which she finds very intense 

Chapter 7

So much description of the snowy frosting sand pick one

I get that it’s a magical island but every descriptor up until the sand made it sound like a tropical paradise, and then suddenly the sand is snow and there’s ice and snow on the trees which were just giant emeralds so I’m confused

Because being wet and cold is more scary 

“ The snow on the rooftops rested like dust on abandoned storybooks“

A very diagon alley sitch where there are magical stores but none are open...because it’s caraval guys. They’re at the games 

They go into a clock shop where there are clothes waiting along with food roses and a note from legend 

They change and she sees awful scars on his hot muscly back 

Her dress is lame despite every YA trope about the heroine having a princess moment, that’s fun: just kidding it changed colors and shape to fit her perfect 

And Julian’s outfit is super hot 

He stole a pocket watch 

Scarlett was a pretty girl but she tried to hide it, her eyes were too honest, no one noticed girls in ugly clothes 

“Scarlet wondered if she had found a way to escape her fathers deadly games only to become a well costumed piece on a new game board” no shit Scarlett you came to the island for the game…

Also you were in such a hurry to find Tella and get into the game before it was too late and now you’re waxing poetic about how hot Julian is and how you’re hot but you don’t wanna be 

Chapter 8

“Sage shaded colors of suspicion” I really hate this device she’s using. I’ve used it to describe the colors my mind reading characters see in people's minds. But it’s like twice a book, maybe, to express extreme emotion. Not every time your feelings change. 

Some guy comes in and offers them a portal into caraval and Scarlett is like “sure thing” and Julian is like “ummm dumdum” and he leaves 

The guys like “oh you just gonna listen to that random guy?” And I’m like as opposed to you, another random guy?

He wants her voice okay Ursula 

“A passionate sky made of melting lemons and burning peaches” or say yellows and oranges…

“Until the door was no more” love this, sounds very fairy tale 

She leaves and it's like night already, she only has til midnight 

Scarlett and Julian get in by him pretending to be the count, her fiancé 

They take the path of the players, not the watchers

Chapter 9

“A panicked Vermillion moved inside of her chest as she thought of how specific legends letter had been”

Julian admits he’s played caraval before and Scarlett is like *gasp* but HELLO how did you think he knew all the shit he knew?

He keeps calling her crimson like every time he speaks to her, annoying 

“Julian’s smile turned seductive, all shameless curves and immoral promises” 

Chapter 10

“Soft golden lights licked her arms with gentle kisses of warmth”

I’m very bored when this house is supposed to be EVERYTHING

The guy who was giving them the rules says, “don’t let your eyes or feelings trick you” And then jumps off the balcony and Scarlet freaks out… He just told you not to trust what you see

Scarlett is the most annoying person

Their instructions are to get to the end by sunrise or they’ll be locked out in the streets, but she’s wasting time wanting to look for her sister - and Julian is telling her that her sister is probably staying at the same place and she doesn’t believe him despite the fact that he’s already done this game before, just trust him???

“A searing green door watched Scarlet like a glowing eye”

This just made me figure out why I don’t like that she’s using colors as an emotional device, because the main character is named after a color, and so it’s just way too many color descriptors

Julian got trapped outside noooo

Chapter 11

But it’s fine because she tells the innkeeper they’re guests of legend - which they are - and he’s let in. Great. Glad there are no stakes. They also used legends name to get the boat to the inn for free. 

The hallways in the inn “smelled like the end of the night, sweat and fading fire smoke mixed with lingering breath from words whose ghosts still haunted the air” no

Julian was “poison in an attractive bottle”

Their rooms are actually one room oops

Chapter 12

“But legend saw all during caraval”

She got a message from legend: it’s a key with tella’s name on it 

Lmao tella is having sex behind that door for sure 

“She felt five different shades of berry colored foolish” this is so stupid 

Every time something happens between tella and scar, we get a whole expository moment about how this is related to their mother or their father or the relationship between the sisters… We know. we can tell. we are not stupid.

“Warmth licking her cheek” this metaphor is too specific to keep using it

Some tattooed dude finds her - Dante - and is like “sleep in my room”

He asks her out but she declines because the count 

Damn her dress has transformed to be like see through which is why he was into her lmao 

She has a dream that legend is a creep lol

Chapter 13

Scarlett totally changes her tune re: enjoying herself 

She passes tella’s room and finds a wreck 

“Feathers covered the carnage as if a rebel Angel had gone mad” this is so dumb 

The key she got with tella’s name was a clue, that other people also got 

A pregnant girl offers to help scarlet, and a man steals scarlets favorite earrings from her mother 

Then the pregnant girl steals that stuff 

She realizes there’s a postcard in tella’s room that isn’t hers

Chapter 14

Tella only loved mermaids, and the postcard is of a castle, which was Scarlett’s thing 

The castle is a place on the isle that Julian recognizes 

Dante shows up and Julian is like hell nah 

Dante won last time Julian was here and it cost him a lot

“Shops wrapped in colors like a birthday presents, cerulean blue apricot orange saffron yellow primrose pink while the canals remained midnight dark” SHUT UP dude

This woman got like a color wheel or a color dictionary for her birthday the year she wrote this book 

Time moves fast in the castle 

What’s really annoying about this book is Stephanie Garber spends a lot of time talking about things that are boring, and one sentence on something like hummingbird-sized elephants and tigers

There’s a kissing tent and she’s like fuck yeah let’s go there

You’re engaged

Julian sees where she’s looking and is like yeah??

A tingle of periwinkle curiosity

Chapter 15

She goes into the tent of a half naked dude who could tell her fortune 

This is all very boring 

He has incense that makes people tell the truth and she admits Julian is the hottest guy ever 

She asks what’s the man she will marry really like? 

He’s not a good person 

She’s covered in only pictures he can see instead of pictures only he can see…

She had 2 questions but the way she asked used them up so she doesn’t get to ask about tella 

Chapter 16

He tells her to follow the boy with the heart made of black...obviously Dante, she thinks Julian 

She walks into a potion tent and finds an elixir of protectio

She mentions her father and feels “anise and lavender and rotting plums”

She describe the woman who works in the potion tent as having “bottle green” eyes, but this entire paragraph has the word bottle in it like 1 million times because shes describing a tent full of potions...all these colorful words you’ve used and this is where you use “bottle green”

I don’t mind the descriptor, my own eyes are bottle green, it’s very vivid, but badly placed 

She chases Julian to a decrepit garden with a fountain, and sees a glass button

She also saw a glass button in tella’s room...is this how legend spies on her? Is this where tella is being kept?

“Dreary yellow hopelessness” infected her

She sees the symbol of caraval inside the fountain and touches it, revealing a staircase 

Someone screamed as hot and bright as fire 

It’s madness tunnels 

The inn “smells of laughter and boasts laced with sweetened ale” this doesn’t make seeeeeennnnnnnnse

She finds Julian, but it’s actually Dante and he’s mean to her and she cries but it makes her mad at Julian?????? Stupid 

Chapter 17

Julian finally shows up, super bloody but he just had a head wound

She cleans him up and is getting super horny lol 

He got her earrings back!!!!!

The fire dies sending up a plume of smoke “the color of things better said in whispers” 

She tells him about the tunnels and he says legend treats his prisoners like guests 

Julian’s eyes are the color of “caramel and liquid amber lust”

He almost kisses her and then seems to wake up, leaves and “disappointment wraps around her in cool shades of forget me not blue” STOP

Chapter 18

She wakes up to white roses with red tips 

Julian is supposed to meet her but doesn’t 

A girl shows up “pretty as a watercolor and dressed as bold as a trumpet” DUDE

“Oh poor you, here you are on a magical island, and all you can think of is what you don’t have” get her!

Dante shows up and she realizes he has a black heart tattoo which DUH SCARLETT

chapter 19

The night is “brittle, crisp like the first bite of a chilled apple, smelling just as sweet with hints of burnt sugar weaving through the charcoal night air” THIS IS GOOD PURPLE PROSE! I can taste this!!!!!!!

She’s chasing Dante and finds a cider seller who’s drink will help her see things more clearly, the price is her last lie 

She drinks it and loses the color in her vision 

The game is constantly working against you?????? How?! You’ve stumbled across tons of clues without any work and there are no believable stakes to this game, this drink is the first time you’ve had a struggle…

Iko holds a journal that’s brownish green, “the color of forgotten memories, abandoned dreams, and bitter gossip”

Even in black and white we get this heavy handed color shit 

She realizes anything in color is important

She also sees the red roses on a carousel and the red cravat on a mans neck 

He makes her feel perilous shades of silky black - is Stephanie Garner an artist? Does she have synesthesia or something?? What is with this device!!!!

She looks in Iko’s book and sees pictures of her, the special guest

Sour shades of yellow green made her stomach roil with trepidation - HUH????

She’s like “why would he make the game about me?” You’ve been begging him to bring you caraval your entire life, why do you think? 

I think I remember the nana saying annelise had blonde hair, and so does tella...are they related to her? Is she nana? 

Iko tells her the notebook also holds all the true stories of caraval

Iko will give her the notebook if Scarlett will buy 2 dresses because the changing dress bothers her (??)

Iko takes her to a dress shop where the dresses are “the color of late night laughter, early morning sunshine, and waves crashing around ankles” 

The dresses cost nightmares or secrets or fears

She owes her worst fear and greatest desire, or she can pay 2 days of her life per dress 

It works but her greatest desire isn’t to find her sister, so she pays with 2 days of her life, not at the end of her life but at the end of caraval 

“Panic came in hemlock green, the color of poison and terror” 

“Something acidic and moldy and burnt bubbled up in Scarlett’s throat - the taste of death” like this 

Scarlett’s body dies but her mind will exist in a dream world 

Chapter 20

Dante finds her and drags her into the inn 

Julian hits Dante because he won’t let her go hell yeah

She tells him what happened 

Julian tried to give Scarlett a day of his life by having her drink his blood from his finger and she’s like “I wanna fuck this duuuude”

“His voice is so gentle, made of gentle” I liked this 

Then he drinks her blood from her finger, and the world shatters into a million shards of colored glass 

He lays down with her and holds her while she dies

Chapter 21

Death was the color purple.

She sees tella in the dream world, and tella has a huge dark book that swallows her and Scarlett 

They see young nana in a house similar to the one they entered at caraval, entwined with a young man

Her grandma is Anneliese DUH

Then she’s at the funeral of the woman who died at caraval before

Rosa was in love with legend and he rejected her so she killed herself 

Dante was rosa’s fiancée 

Legend is julian?!?!?

Loved This entire chapter but then it means nothing because none of this is real it’s all part of the game so it’s not really story development

Chapter 22

They both wake up 

Scarlett tries to convince herself the game is messing with her 

Then she remembers what the dream people said about legend loving to make girls fall for him 

She has a grey streak in her hair now 

Her dad is there!

She finally puts it together - her nana is anneliese 

“She could see the sting of her rejection in shades of stormy blue ghosting over his heart like sad morning mist” roll my eyes

But then she remembers that he gave a day of his life for her and is like why would he do that if he was legend 

 Now she’s changed her mind, so she goes after Julian to find him leaving Dante’s room and walking into tella’s 

She goes in after him to hide from her dad but the room is empty 

She finds another secret staircase like the fountain 

She trips over Dante’s dead body and finds Julian standing over it 

Chapter 23

Julian grabs her and is like “I didn't kill him, we were working together” 

He shows her a white rose tattoo he has, Rosa was his sister!!

She asks why he had been acting weird and he basically says he didn’t want to have feelings for her because that wasn’t why he had come to caraval 

Scarlett is like let’s get this fucker back, but she hears her dad’s footsteps in the tunnel  

Chapter 24

They start running, and they hide in a weird alcove from her dad that starts to squish them

She realizes it’s feeding off their fear so they relax and it lets them out

They end up in the sand tunnel and Scarlett is like how could you know I was going to caraval if you were already at our island when I got my tickets 

Julian explains that legend is punishing the descendants of anneliese and he invited her to caraval to stop the wedding

Legend had never responded until she signed her full name on the last letter, mentioning her wedding 

Julian is the fucking count dude calling it 

“His steady gaze reached out to the broken parts of her like a caress, a type of touch that moved through damaged flesh, past fractured bones and into a person's wounded soul.” WOW

Scarlett hears tella’s voice and almost runs straight off a cliff

“Tella loved danger the same way candle wicks loved to burn. It never seemed to scare her that some of the things she lusted for might consume her like a flame” Christ 

Julian knew tella would be taken during caraval 

Chapter 25

She had to find tella before legend consumed her like a flame burning a candle” you just used a candle metaphor like one page ago my dude. 

She gives herself one minute to cry and scream and Julian hears her so he barges in, worried 

He apologizes and she gives him the grace I’ve been waiting for as soon as he said he knew what would happen to tella: he had to avenge his sister. Everything they’re both doing is for their sisters, she should be more understanding 

Julian is “all kinds of tragic and lovely”

The box was “flat black, the color of failure and funerals” shut UP

Like if you wanna use the color device to describe your protagonists feelings stop being so fucking flowery with every single color in the book it is soooooooooooooooo distracting

It’s the other dress Scarlett has bought but now it’s white

Chapter 26

There’s a note in the box from legend that makes “invisible spiders crawl over her skin” ok 

She thinks the dress is the 5th clue - the buttons on the dress reminds her of the buttons leading to the hat store 

Chapter 27

They go to the top hat place and Julian is like “this is all wrong” 

Iko appears looking like “a teardrop the moon had cried” love it

She tells them not to go into the hat shop 

Let me guess, despite both of these omens Scarlett is still gonna go in 

“Scarlett had an emerald green premonition that she would make a discovery inside” sure why tf not gotta keep the story moving somehow 

She sees the store owner and was like LEGEND and he’s like nah dude I’m just wearing a hat 

But he is the guy that was wearing the red cravat and eyepatch from the day her vision went gray 

He is the count!!!!!

Chapter 28

Nicholas Darcy 

And her dad is there!!!!!!!!!!

Julian gets her out but the count chases her and they get on a boat 

She sees her dad and he looks afraid but she blames it on the rain 

They row to the castle and Julian convinces her to get inside to hide from the lightning 

And they argue about if she’s still planning marrying the count and she’s torn which hurts him 

He says “are you sure you want this?” Before kissing her and like is it a consent thing or is it him asking if he’s what she wants either way I love it 

“The boy who had saved her from drowning in more ways than one” explain…

They kiss and “every touch created colors she had never seen” that’s so anticlimactic 

Chapter 29

The stones fall through the hourglass like “drops of falling rose petals” that makes no sense but we have to include it because...

She finally realizes the roses that have been EVERYWHERE are part of the game duh 

She takes Julian to the fountain where the tunnel entrance is

She feels ochre shades of uneasy

Only NOW she’s giving pause at the idea of winning because she could wish them safe...shoulda been your goal all along. Should have been equally as important as finding tella since if you find her you win the wish….I’m signing heavily atm 

The governor and the count are there!!!!! 

Swear to god if Julian dies I’m going to fucking riot 

She wants to split up but Julian is like fuck no 

The count catches up to her and the governor pulls her by her hair up the stairs 

He punches her in the stomach to warn Julian and she gets back up, with the count trying to protect Scarlett

“A slick mud colored feeling coated Scarlett’s insides” because the governor is holding a knife to Julian’s throat

He cuts Julian’s face NOOOOOO

The governor takes Julian to his room and let’s the count sleep in Scarlett’s room because “he’s already paid for her, he can enjoy her a few days early”

Scarlett stands up to her dad!!!! And then she remembers tella’s words: what if the count is worse?

Scarlett tells the count if she makes her dad stop, she’ll be a good wife but if he doesn’t she will never be his obedient wife 

“Do you really want a bride who will only sleep with you because someone will be tortured if she doesn’t?” YES

Chapter 30

The count is like “listen I am NOT like your dad I’m sorry” and she’s like yeah but you’re not Julian 

The count starts undressing and Scarlett aims a poker at his eyeball lmao 

She finally remembers the elixir of protection in that dress from the tent and soaks the count 

The count is like “you’re playing into legends hands” and Scarlett is like “nah he did me a favor by getting rid of you”

Chapter 31

Julian’s cut isn’t that deep thank god but he’s still woozy 

“He tasted like midnight and wind”

Leap of faith - roses - it’s Rosa!!!!! She has to ask how Rosa died and Julian says she jumped off a balcony 

They decide to sneak out using the tunnels to go search all the balconies

Chapter 32

The town during the day looks like a “faded memory”

She hears music from the rose colored carousel 

The musician has been asking for coins the whole time but nothing else cost money

They jump onto the moving carousel and end up in the roses where Scarlett finds the caraval symbol

They have to jump, Julian gives her coordinates to a boat in case they get separated but they run out of time and she has to go in 

She lands in a river and lands at a staircase guarded with statues that are definitely frozen people 

Legend is there ofc 

Chapter 33

She’s a little star struck by legend 

His laugh is a rich spicy sound that echoes until he snaps his fingers 

Homeboy is mad 

Julian ends up there, dry, and...he’s working with legend...NOOOOOOO

Dante and Valentina were also part of the game 

Rosa was not his sister...DUDE

She clutches his pocket watch and legend opens it - Julian’s voice comes out apologizing for betraying her 

He does love her HE IS ENCHANTED!!!!!

LEGEND STABS JULIAN?!?!?!?!?!?

Oh fuck he is spitting blood oh fuck oh no 

Scarlett you got him killed you dumdum 

Chapter 34

I’m FUCKING FURIOUS 

she remembers that she gets one wish, and she wants to use it to bring Julian back and I swear to goooooddddddd if he doesn’t come back I’m gonna throw myself out the window 

Legend is gone, leaving a funeral invitation for tella set for tomorrow this guy is a MONSTER

Chapter 35

She ends up on a huge rooftop way high up 

“The air felt soft and poisonous” 

Tella is there feeling like “softness and sunlight and seeds for growing dreams”

We just used soft a sentence ago!!!!

Tella is like “you’re confused, the game is playing tricks on you”

Scarlett tells her about their grandmas history with legend 

She shows tella the invitation and it now says it’s to a party not a funeral

Chapter 36

Tella has met a boy that’s not legend...it’s a guy she met right before she got taken for the game…

She’s engaged to him??

Scarlett is like maybe tella is right and this is all part of it...Scarlett DUDE 

Scarlett has a bitter yellow puddle of dread in her stomach 

If Daniel is Dante or Julian I’m gonna scream 

Chapter 37

It’s legend of course 

Duh 

He tries to convince tella to tie Scarlett up you better NOT

TELLA

YOU DUMB BITCH

legend dares Scarlett to walk to the edge of the balcony to prove she loves her sister, so that he can feign worry to tella

They tie her up 

The governor and the count show up FUCK

finally legend admits to tella who he is and she just breaks poor baby 

Tella backs up to the ledge and says if the governor or the count touch Scarlett she’ll kill herself!!!!!!!

“Silver slippers sliding” toward the balcony 

Scarlett breaks free but tella FUCKING JUMPS

Chapter 38

So now who is Scarlett gonna use her wish on?!

Her father looks like “a dragon with no fire and broken wings”

The governor slaps Jovan and legend is like imma fuck you UP 

The governor killed Dante!!!!!!

She blackmails her dad with Philippe’s death 

She remembers her wish...but who does she use it on?! 

Which oof, oof, OOF

Tella is a brat lmao 

Legend won’t give her the wish!!!!!

He’s...fading?? 

Scarlett goes to give tella her blood 

She wishes her impossible wish but it doesn’t work

Chapter 39

She goes back up to get tella’s stuff and finds a caraval box with a letter inside from tella to legend that she didn’t know about 

Chapter 40

She goes to see legend and finds out he’s actually some dude named Caspar…that was why he couldn’t grant her wish 

There’s a stack of letter between tella and legend that basically illustrate that tella was willing to die for legend to get them to caraval 

Tella is alive?!?!?!?!?!?

This was all a fucking game?!

Her impossible wish came true, but she had actually died 

Tella orchestrated their dad getting to caraval so he could see her die, and so he would leave Scarlett alone 

Chapter 41

So Julian is not really dead, but tella wanted anyone who made Scarlett love them to be taken out, that way she wouldn’t get hurt by someone who was just pretending 

So she somehow warps this into meaning that Julian didn’t actually love her? Go...ask him??????? The fuck 

God poor Scarlett…

So people can die in caraval, but when the game is over, they come back...so there were no fuckin stakes except for tella’s death

Chapter 42

They go to legends party in the forest and Scarlett sees Julian 

Iko is there like go talk to Julian dumdum 

“Shades of the rich ruby love she’d felt mixed with deep indigo hurt turning everything just a little bit violet” I don’t care I want them to kiss Stephanie 

Julian is so hurt that she thinks she doesn’t know him

He’s related to legend…

Rosa dying changed his opinion of legend 

He tried to leave the game right before this caraval 

Legend is his brother!!!!!!!!!

He couldn’t leave Scarlett because she loved her sister like Julian loved his brother 

He stayed because of Scarlett despite how it hurt him to lie to her 

Yaaaaaay they kiss yay omg 

Epilogue

Tella is dancing drunk at the party and is dancing with a new guy who dances her to the edge of the party...then he’s gone?

He dropped something into her pocket...a coin with a note…

From legend!!!!!

You can see your mom soon if you keep up your end of the bargain!!!!!

[lauren-scharf]

The Mathematics of Memory

The Mathematics of Memory

An Imitation of Form of Eula Biss’ “The Pain Scale”

By Lauren Scharf

For Grandpa Will

0---

An advanced fifth grade math class told me of the unique qualities of the number zero. Nothing can be divided by zero. There’s no way to carry out such an equation. I fantasized what it would be like if I could find a way.

 I am sitting on a plane to New York, preparing myself to be coddled by parents, grandparents, and cousins, who have been counting down the days until my visit, and they’ve finally reached zero.

 An underachiever in all other subjects, I excelled in math because of my ability to remember things through numbers, as though their values and patterns made up an alternative language.

 Can zero be divided by zero? I think of this and ask my high school A.P. Calculus teacher. Her quirky response explains that black holes are where God divided by zero. I immediately imagine writing zero over zero on the next exam, and watching the equation animate to a swirling vacuum that sucks the surrounding scribbles and equations inside, leaving a blank page.

 In a deck of cards, there is no zero. Each card has some worth. The closest suitable are the Jokers, which belong to no suit and are commonly discarded before a game is dealt.

 The New York excursion is for my youngest cousin’s Bat Mitzvah, or “Bas Mitzvah,” as my Grandpa says it. It’s the last of this generation, and there is yet to be a Bar Mitzvah. Grandpa makes a regular joke at reunions like these. “Where are all the boys?” There are no grandsons. The Scharf family name stops here.

 Any number over itself is one, except the infuriating zero.

 ---1---

My sister taught me fractions when I was little. I didn’t ask her to. She also liked to correct and poke fun at my childish mispronunciations. “Count-culator” made sense to me for the purpose it served, as well as “Old-timers.”

 “It’s ‘Alzheimer’s,’ Lauren.” She had to write the word out for me before I caught my mistake.

 An ace holds a discontinuous value in a deck of cards. Aces high means eleven. Aces low means one.

 I was a year old when I took my first plane trip, once again to New York. I don’t remember a thing about it but home videos show the brown shag carpet and gold furniture in my grandparents’ house just as it all looks today. Nothing’s changed there.

 My grandpa taught me how to gamble. I was the only first grader to recognize the checkers pieces as poker chips.

 ---2---

My favorite children’s game was Memory: a deck of cards, usually with pictures if meant for a younger age, is set up in rows and columns, face down, and turned up two at a time in an attempt to find a match. I was unbeatable. My parents and their friends were so impressed by how quick I was to recall a pair and pick up techniques. “You have to pick up the one you think it is before the one you’re sure of,” I would tip-off to my opponent.

 Grandpa’s game is called 31. Much like 21 but with an extra card in each hand. Players take turns picking a card from the deck and discarding; if the top of the discard pile follows suit of the next player’s hand, they may pick that card instead, but forfeit the secrecy of their suit in hand.

 The higher the card number, the higher its value. Face cards are ten. Aces are high.

 No one ever picks a two from the discard pile. It’s not worth the risk, not to mention the subsequent mockery from other players.

 “A deuce for my favorite Grandpa!” One of my favorite things about 31 is playing just ahead of my Grandpa so I can discard all of my worst and lowest cards, simply to catch the looks on his face.

 Grandpa has my eyes; or I suppose I have his. They light up and widen when we’re caught by surprise, but squint into slits when we smile, more so if we’re laughing. His eyes are a little more hidden among wrinkles and behind a thick pair of bifocals.

 Memory storage is marked by two stages: long term and short term. It’s difficult to draw a line between the two. How long is long and how short is short? My understanding is that the long term is for the firsts. First kiss, first pet, first day of kindergarten. While short term is for the lasts. Last night, last Tuesday, last book you read.

 In one of her first games of 31, my sister jumped from the table and shouted “Thirty-two! Thirty-two!” She was convinced she had two aces of the same suit.  

 Thirty-one is the highest score you can get in 31 (fittingly). An ace and two tens, all one suit. This hand ends the round instantly and every player but the holder of 31 surrenders a chip to the middle. A player can also end the round by knocking with what they believe to be the highest hand, or at least not the lowest. The lowest hand must pay up.

 My sister had two aces alright. One, hearts, the other, diamonds. We made her pay double.

 ---3---

Some experts separate memory storage into three stages, adding the “Sensory stage” to long term and short term. The sensory stage acts as a filter to determine what information will pass into short term, and perhaps eventually long term, or if it will be stored at all.

 Information is only in this stage for a flash of a second, like an exposure to film. That kind of information, however, is preserved through a different medium.

 One of my first vivid memories is of a day in preschool when my mom was late picking me up. I couldn’t tell time but I knew when the hands formed an “L” pointing to the number three, my mom was due to walk through the door.

 This was most likely not the first time she ran behind, but it was the first time I noticed. I developed a tickle in my throat, and as the angle of that “L” turned more acute, the tickle progressed to more of a scratch. I wanted my mommy. At three years old, this was the first time I would recognize a common sickness coming over me.

 My family took a trip to Rhode Island when I was three. My mom had to tell me that; I had no recollection of being in Rhode Island. To me it was just another trip to the east coast to see family. When on the beach I saw my grandpa’s jolly sized belly and asked why he had an inny belly button while I had an outty. He told me it was to make a nice home for the spiders that lived in there. That, I remember.

 The most infuriating hand to pick up in 31 is three tens, each a different suit. Thirty points altogether yet the hand is valued only at ten. The first card I pick up from the deck determines what I’m collecting. A couple times, this has been a fourth ten of the remaining suit. At some point, I’ll have no choice but to discard a high card, reluctantly assisting my opponents.

 ---4---

I’m not the best at Memory anymore. Ever since a childhood friend became the first to beat me, I’ve been on something of a cognitive decline. We lost touch years ago, but I remember her birthday was four days before mine.

 Many fail to see the pattern in dates, which are frequently the first details to fade from memory, despite that each presents its own reminder in the form of a reoccurring anniversary.

 They also separate into four seasons.

 All of the cousins and I were born in summer; six birthdays fitting perfectly from late June to early September.

 Memory retrieval in the human mind is broken up into four common components: verbal recall, aural recall, visual recall, and tactile recall.

 Retrieval through speaking, retrieval through hearing, retrieval through seeing, and retrieval through touching or writing.

 Numerical recall is perhaps too rare or vague to classify.

 Grandpa’s birthday is in March. My dad says he’s 88 years old, but I don’t think he’s remembering correctly. Like father, like son.

 The four suits of a traditional deck of playing cards are spades, clubs, diamonds, and hearts.

 These suits originated from the French style of playing cards and, while not the first, they were the cheapest to manufacture, and thus the most popular.

 Other countries alter, slightly, the name and appearance of certain suits. For instance, clubs are acorns in Germany and Italo-Spanish or Latin decks have cups in lieu of hearts. These discrepancies are mostly found in cartomancy, or tarot cards.

 Whatever the icon, each suit follows a pattern rooted in the feudal system: Spades for nobility, clubs for peasants, diamonds for merchants, and hearts for members of the clergy.

 The suits also consistently associate with riches and romance, adversity and agriculture. Can you find each match?

 The four elements, earth, water, fire, and air tie into the four suits as well, though this pattern is more obscure and it is arguable which suit belongs to which element.

 ---5---

When my dad told me of the changes in conversation with my grandpa, how he asks the same questions every five minutes, I shrugged it off as a natural consequence of aging. I’ll believe it when I hear it for myself.

 My memory runs on aural recall.

 Some card decks hold five different suits, the fifth tying in the classical element Aether, a void or space, dark matter, pertaining to the space above the terrestrial sphere.

 In mythology, Aether is the open sky where only the gods live and the pure air which only the gods breathe; heaven.

 Aristotle names Aether as the fifth element but noted that it lacked the qualities of the other four in that it could be neither hot, cold, wet, nor dry, and its only recordable change was in density.

 Much like a black hole.

 An estimated 5 million Americans suffer from Alzheimer’s disease. By 2050, the number is expected to hit 13.4 million.

 ---6---

Almost 60% of Americans think Alzheimer’s is genetic.

 Like eyes, or a smile, or a family name.

 No matter how random they may seem in the world of arithmetic, numbers consistently go hand in hand with formula. Strategy requires such a pattern to ease the task of memorization. This is how some people are able to memorize Pi to a thousand digits, if they really have the time and patience to do so.

 My sixth grade locker combination was 24-6-42. Two plus four equals six minus four equals two.

 The combination of my locker in 12th grade is a blur.

 ---7---

Seven is my lucky number, which sounds very cliché, but I picked it for my favorite month, which has my birthday, July. The 10th of July if you’d like to remember it.

 Seventeen is my sister’s lucky number, chosen, I think, for the day her birthday falls on. But then her name also has seventeen letters. Then again so does mine.

 Therapies show that keeping the brain engaged with patterns and puzzles delays (though does not prevent) memory loss and confusion.

 All these years Grandpa was teaching the family how to gamble, I should have explained to him the grids and patterns and tips and tricks I found in Memory.

 Just a reminder, my birthday is the 10th of July. Seven/ten. Seven plus ten is seventeen. Seventeen letters are in my name. If you didn’t remember it before, perhaps you will now.

 ---8---

Alzheimer’s starts in patients when certain forms of the gene apolipoprotein E, or ApoE, promote the formation of an abnormal amyloid precursor protein, or APP. APP clumps together to form plaques that break down tau proteins, whose purpose it is to stabilize a neuron’s structural integrity. Once broken down, the neuron dies, leaving a hole that disrupts the electrical signals traveling among the nerve.

 Much like a black hole.

 Tau ÷ (APP × ApoE) = x over zero. I found it.

 When film is overexposed, it processes as a white, almost heavenly void or space.

 Not only is there no cure for Alzheimer’s, but there’s also no way to test absolutely positive for the disease until an autopsy is performed. I think that’s a bit too late.

 Unlike a three year old with a sore throat, my Grandpa is 88, give or take, and he doesn’t know if he’s sick.

 Screenings, recall tests, and family member reports promise 80 to 90 percent accuracy.

 It’s getting there.

---9---

I once read about a photographer who developed a journal documenting the final three years of his father’s life. The old man lacked all short term memory storage and would ask his son over and over where his mother was, as though no one told him of her death.

 Tired of watching his father’s heart break again and again, the photographer joined the game of pretend, and told his father she’d simply gone to Paris to join the circus. The pretending continued until the father’s death at ninety-nine.

 Once parties and brunches that follow the very last Bat Mitzvah die down, the family finally gets a chance to crowd around the kitchen table for a good old game of 31.

 “Where are all the boys?” He asks this more and more these days. I want to think that he believes it’s funnier with repetition, but part of me wonders if maybe he doesn’t remember asking just minutes before. Another part wonders, and worries, if he’s really not sure of whether or not he has grandsons.

 They’ve gone to Paris and joined the circus, Grandpa.

 ---10

Grandpa knocks with the confident gambler’s attitude he’ll probably always have.

 The family each takes one last turn before we reveal our hands.

 Grandpa has three tens; thirty. However his hand is only worth ten. He’s forgotten the suits.

 This game, this last game, goes in my long term memory.

[pirateisabela]

5 OTPs and 10 Facts About Me

Thanks so much @gaysparkler for tagging me! 

I’m just trying to get some things done right now so I’m not going to tag anyone, but feel free to do this if you want!

This got a bit long, so I’m going to put a read more here :)

5 OTPs

Dorian x Inquisitor- Dorian is one of my favorite characters in DA, and his romance is one of my favorite ships, too. It’s just so sweet, and his character and dialogue are just so powerful and heart-wrenching.

Alistair x Warden- Alistair was the first person I romanced in Dragon Age. My love for Dragon Age grew from that first play through, and even now, Alistair’s romance and character are just so important to me. I know he and his relationship have flaws—just like any character and romance—but it will always have a special place in my heart.

Arizona Robbins x Callie Torrez- Okay, after the plane crash, their relationship kind of sucked. I know they had their problems, but they were a canon gay couple. On a tv show that even my mom watches. It’s so big. I love both of the characters so much (maybe a certain orthopedic surgeon a little bit more than almost every other character), even if they just weren’t meant to be in the end. At least all of it ended on a civil note, though, after everything.

Amanita Caplan x Nomi Marks- They are great in so many ways. So many ways. They are in a wonderful, healthy relationship, and they care about each other so much. Nomi is a trans woman and Amanita is a black woman, both of which do not get enough representation in the media, especially with the two combined. Just… I love them so much.

Tristan x Yvaine- Stardust is one of my all-time favorite movies. The ending, man. Ugh. I love them.

Honourable mentions- Isabela x Hawke, Leliana x Warden, Liara x Shepard, Garrus x Shepard, Bucky Barnes x Steve Rogers, Jack Harkness x Ianto Jones, Lexie Grey x Mark Sloan, Meredith Grey x Derek Shepard, Meredith Grey x Nathan Riggs (though I haven’t seen the latest season so maybe that’s a no), Meredith Grey x Derek Shepard x Callie Torrez (let me have this), Sam Winchester x Gabriel, Hernando Fuentes x Lito Rodriguez, Kaidan x Shepard, Zevran x Warden, Fenris x Hawke, Anders x Hawke, Iron Bull x Dorian, Josephine x Inquisitor, Cassandra x Inquisitor, Sera x Inquisitor, Michael x Jane (from Jane the Virgin)

10 Facts about me

1. I’m learning Spanish right now. I’m absolutely terrible at it and DuoLingo says I’m only 30% fluent, but I’m slowly learning it. I want to be completely fluent in Spanish and another language besides my native one—probably Portuguese, French, or Russian.

2. I plan on majoring in English with a concentration in Creative Writing. I’m not exactly sure what kind of career I’m going to pursue, but writing several books is in my life plan. So is traveling.

3. I have a half-brother (eleven years older than me), a sister (exactly fifteen months younger than me), a stepsister (six years older than me), and a stepbrother (I’ve only seen him like twice, he’s kind of estranged from my stepdad and idk anything about him other than his name is Kaidan and he was out of high school a few years ago). The half-brother is from my dad’s son from a previous relationship, and he lives in California. My sister and I have the same parents and have lived together our whole lives. My stepsister lived with us for like three years before she said graduated high school.

4. I played sports in elementary school. I (cheerleaded? cheered? cheerled?) for a year, I played basketball for two, and I played softball for six. I sucked at everything, except for cheerleading I guess. We won third place in this weird competition, and I want to say there was some scandal and bribing going on because I vaguely remember my coach telling my team that someone cheated or something and we should have had first or second. I just…stopped going to cheerleading practice my second year because my cousin quit and it was way too hot outside for me to be the only one out of my cousin, my sister, and me to still be in it (my sister dropped out of football, too). My basketball team my first year only had five people (you needed five to have a team), and we usually always at least one of the five people not show up to a game, so we had to borrow people from another team so we could play. We didn’t win a single game. I had a different team my second year, and they were way better. I made my first foul that year, and my coach was so happy. He thought it was a sign that I was actually going to participate, that I would be a valuable member of the team. Angels came down from the heavens and played their little angel trumpets while he cried and said prayers of thanks to whatever gods above there were. That was the best day of his life. (I didn’t make another foul or a single basket after that day. He eventually stopped trying and only put me in the court because everyone had to play at some point.) With softball, after the first year, the team was spilt into two: the kids who had a future in softball, and everyone else. I was on the “everyone else” team. I practically lived in the outfield, even after that. It was really boring tbh and whenever a ball did get near me, I either shyed away from it or I was too busy daydreaming to see it. Also I went to third base once instead of first and still made it to the base before they could tag me out. I thought it was pretty great but my coach still wasn’t happy. My coach for the first five years a.k.a. my uncle stopped coaching after my cousin didn’t want to play anymore, so I had to join a new team. We were called the Skittles. I was a fifth grader playing softball with a bunch of middle schoolers. I ended up with two black eyes that year because I got distracted during the practice before two different games. That was my last year of sports. Oh, and I’m still afraid of things flying towards my face.

5. I have four cats and two dogs. Until recently, I had four dogs, but one of them was like sixteen years old and passed away this year (we got him after his owner, a close friend of my mom and stepdad, died in 2015) and the other, attacked our fifteen year old dog who we’ve had since I was like three. My mom and my sister are very protective of the feeble old man dog, so the one who attacked him was given to one of my stepdad’s friends within hours.

6. I am from the United States. Unfortunately x) Okay, it wouldn’t be so bad if we didn’t have people like the Great Big Orange mucking around or people who,,,don’t know what compassion is. But yeah. I feel like it could be a really good place, but there are just some people who don’t want that to happen (America has never been great, stfu).

7. When I was about eight, I tried cleaning a Cambell’s chicken soup can and cut the side of my thumb. My mom (who’s a nurse) had to superglue it back together. I still have a faint baby scar on my left hand from it. (Also I would like to add that I did it because my grandmother would keep pencils and stuff in this giant soup can at her house. Idk why it worked for her and not me but oh well now I have a weird-ass story I can put on “ten facts about me” so I guess it worked  out for the best)

8. I’m such a procrastinator guys. I was tagged in this like a month ago. I even do it with things that are important to me, like writing. I’m going to psycho-analyze myself for a minute and say that it’s probably because I have a fear of failure and a fear of people not liking me/making fun of me/etc. If I don’t ever finish writing That One Thing then that means I can’t ever post it, and if I don’t ever post it that means it won’t only get three likes and one rebloob and no one will criticize it or say that it sucked. I’m trying to work past it, but it’s not like I have a great amount of self-esteem x)

9. I have an unhealthy obsession with dragons (but I didn’t start playing Dragon Age because of it)

10. When I bought an Xbox 360 my freshman year (in 2014), I was trying to find some games to try, and my friend, Tony, spoke very highly of Dragon Age. I also remembered my cousin (whom I’ve always regarded very highly) talk about it with my sister a year or two earlier, so I decided to buy Dragon Age 2 and Dragon Age Origins, along with a few others. I didn’t actually play Origins for a few months and it took me a few months to finish my first play through, but by the time I finished the game (with a little over 80 hours), I was hooked.

[patchworktail]

ITS 4:30 AM AND I DONT FEEL LIKE SLEEPING so I’m gonna do this meme that i got tagged for twiCE and totally forgot to do til now!!!! (i had 2 dig through your blogs to find them omg)

ANYWAY i was tagged by both @mooitstimdrake​ and @cynessie​ (I MISS U BOTH BTW ❤)

RULES: Share 11 facts about yourself, answer 11 questions provided by the tagger, tag 11 awesome people and leave 11 questions for them to answer!

(I’m gonna skip tagging people/asking 11 questions - 1) because I’m lazy 2) because a lot of people who I would tag either have already been tagged or woN’T DO IT and 3) I have to answer two sets of 11 questions anyway so I’ll let one of those sets take the place of my 11 questions!!)

11 Facts

I was supposed to leave to move into my college 3 days ago but since my college is in Savannah they pushed off move-in/orientation for a weEK BECAUSE OF HURRICANE IRMA AND I’M STILL UPSET/DISAPPOINTED

That being said I’m about to start as a college freshman at art school, planning on majoring in animation! :D

I binged all of Buzzfeed Unsolved in like 2 days and I fuckin LOVE IT

Also BNHA is like my current main obsession???? I fell in love w that anime and uhhhh I’d Die For My Kids

I almost never use skype anymore - I’m always on Discord now (mutuals may add me just message me if you want my tag :3c)

I loooove creating OCs and my main OC is a forest elf named Rally and he’s precious and I LOVE HIM AND COULD TALK ABOUT HIM FOR HOURS (also my best friend @/harpxer and I have a huge ongoing rp with him and her mountain elf oc, Kahl!! they’re really gay)

Hmmm fun fact I guess I’ve been involved with internet communities since I was 10 years old and I made my very first internet friend when I was 10 and we’re still great friends and talk p much every day to this day (hi @/fiishr)

I want a tattoo super bad but idk what I’d geT

I worked at a jewelry engraving stand at an amusement park this summer and one night I accidentally gave myself a 1st degree burn on my finger from the hot glue gun and it hurt So Bad

I had my graduation party this July and it was really fun but the best part was when 14 of us played this giant game of spoons and it got really intense, made worse by people randomly screaming during it, and then we collectively decided to blast hardcore rap music from the speakers and Let Me Tell You i have not been involved in a more stressful card game in my LIFE

I’ll always always always fall for the hero/happy character/protagonist basically....idk what it is about me but I’m so Predictable...I love cute optimistic brave characters who just wanna do Right.....I don’t cARE IF PEOPLE THINK THEY’RE BORING I THINK THEY’RE PERFECT AND AMAZIGN AND I LOVE THEM

AS FOR AN EXTRA 12TH FACT ABOUT ME AS U CAN SEE I WRITE WAY TOO MUCH AND ALSO I’M THE BIGGEST OVERSHARER E V E R IT’S SO BAD SOMEONE STOP ME

ANYWAY ONTO THE QUESTIONS :3c

@mooitstimdrake​‘s Questions:

If you were to make a new blog dedicated to one single thing (fandom, hobby/activity, etc) what would it be? Honestly, right at the moment probably BNHA!!!! it’s legit my most recent big obsession and I love it?? so much???

If you could have any kind of animal as a pet, what would you have? A RACCOON!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE THEM SOSOSOSOSOS MUCH and some people actually do have them as pets! They can be difficult though but WORTH IT

Who was your favorite teacher and why were they your favorite? OH BOY......I’m gonna say it’s a tie between my AP studio art teacher and my AP US government teacher from this past year, my senior year! My AP art teacher because our class was super tiny, 12 kids, and it really felt like a family?? She was a-okay with letting us all goof around and say weird shit, she was really chill and funny and like. part teacher, part friend, which was always nice. As for my AP gov teacher, he was SO. FUCKING. FUNNY. OH MAN. NOT EVEN ON PURPOSE he just like? put up with SO MUCH? we had some real character kids in that class and my teacher’s reactions were HILARIOUS. he had a sarcastic streak too so his responses were equally as funny when someone did something weird. He would say the funniest stuff just ask @/harpxer I would tell her so many stories from that class sohboshrb. Aside from the humor that class was really interesting, and he’s a really good, invested teacher - he wanted us to learn, he’s super passionate about government and history, and he always started off each class with 2 current events which was really nice and helped me learn more about things happening in the world too!!! overall that was like my fav non-art class I’ve ever taken!!!!

What’s your guilty pleasure (and I’m challenging you not to say some kind of food)? HMMMMM. Honestly I’m gonna go ahead and say really cheesy or lame movies/shows (like, Disney channel movies, dumb shows - like the one summer I watched all of Glee LOL, stuff like that). Like yeah I know 90% of it is terRIBLE but it’s still amusing/lighthearted stuff that makes me happy KLSDJVLSDHB

Favorite pizza topping? EXTRA CHEESE IF THAT COUNTS, if not then pepperoni!!

What’s the last thing you bought (that wasn’t food)? I’ve actually been buying a lot the past few weeks in prep for college/spending a little money for ONCE since I worked all summer. I got a bunch of boring stuff but the things I’m most excited about are: two posters I got for my dorm (The Office is one and one is Lord Huron), a giant wall tapestry (it’s Up themed!!!), tWO BNHA/POKEMON CHARMS THAT CAME TODAY AND EVERY TIME I LOOK AT THEM I START CRYING BC THEYRE SO CUTE, and oh my GOD I BOUGHT THIS GIANT PILLOW FROM TARGET AND IT IS THE SINGLE SOFTEST THING I’VE EVER FELT AND IT’S HUGE AND IT IMMEDIATELY BECAME MY #1 COMFORT OBJECT AND TOP FIVE FAV THINGS IVE EVER BOUGHT!!!!!! I guess MOST recently though I just bought Clip Studio Paint online today (art program) since it’s on sale for 50% off and I’ve heard great things about it!

What upcoming movies/tv shows are you looking forward to? UHHHHH as for movies... justice league part 1, the incredibles 2, kingsman 2, the neW POKEMON MOVIE I CHOOSE YOU, probably a lot more I can’t remember rn. AS FOR SHOWS HMMM I’m...excited for the next season of the good place and izombie, and oh I’m excited for the punisher netflix show!! and the next season of voltron of COURSE!!! and next season of stranger things!! probably more I’m forgetting too tbh

Any recommendations (this could be anything just throw your best pitch at me)? JFISDJKLBJ I DON’T KNOW OMG tbh rachel you watch a lot of the same things I do already LMAOOO

What’s your favorite thing to wear that you own? OH FUCK I DUNNO HMMM I really like wearing my various leggings and scarves, but as like a Single Item....I like wearing....uhhhh I have this giANT sweater like it’s WAY too big for me but it’s so COMFY and I love it. I also love wearing my Star Labs sweatshirt bc it’s soft and comfortable

What was your first pet? my cat!!! we took her in as a stray kitten living in our backyard when I was like. 2 or 3 and so we’ve basically had her my whole life!!

If you could learn any language, what would it be? UHHHHHH honestly probably spanish - I took it 4 straight years and was okay at it in class but one year went by with me not taking it and I forgot everything LOOOL I’m...bad....at languages....

@cynessie‘s Questions:

Where is the coolest place you’ve ever been? I haven’t been many cool places :( I guess the coolest isssss I dunno it depends? Lake George is where I go on vacation every year, I LOVE NYC, I love Savannah too and it’s where I’m gonna be for college so?? ?? ?  ? I’VE NEVER BEEN OUT OF THE COUNTRY AND I’M SAD BUT I’M POOR AND CAN’T AFFORD IT

What was the first thing you remember wanting to be when you grew up? veterinarian!! 

Look to your right. What do you see? a dirty plate on my desk, my bed just past that, and my CHARMS THAT CAME TODAY THAT ARE SO CUTE I CRY EVERY TIME I SEE THEM

What are you procrastinating on? ajkldjboidj lik e 4 art commissions,,,, and 7 MAP parts,,,, and my pre-work for 2 of my classes,,,,,,,and cleaning my room,,,, and sending thank-you notes to relatives,,, SOMEONE KICK MY ASS AND MAKE ME DO SHIT

Which family member are you closest too and what is their name? UHHHH.... I guess my younger brother Luke? or maybe my mom? I’m not on bad terms with anyone though, I love both my older brothers too and we all have a good sibling relationship I just talk more with my younger bro I think - second closest would be with my second older brother Connor!

What’s the last song you listened to? I’m listening to Ultralife by Oh Wonder right now :3c I’ve been on a huUUGE Oh Wonder kick lately!!

What do you generally carry in your bag/pockets when you go out? my wallet (w my license and money and debit card and all), travel size lotion, phone, and chap stick!!

What is one thing you are excited for? FINALLY GETTING TO COLLEGE NEXT WEEK AND STARTING CLASSES FJIODFHINBDFHBNSBO

Do you believe in ghosts? I’m gonna hesitantly say YES but I’m not 100% convinced I don’t think

What is a skill you want to learn? MAYBE THIS IS WEIRD but I think learning how to act would be kinda neat. On a more realistic note I wish I could learn to exercise without dying

Tell me a joke. I’M BAD AT JOKES DON’T DO THIS TO ME NESSIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SO YEAH THAT’S ALL FOLKS it’s 5am now...Nice..... :’) I love my ability to stay up obscenely late while also getting Nothing Done JLSDNVDHAGHVDLAK

[toldnews-blog]

New Post has been published on https://toldnews.com/world/real-madrid-0-1-barcelona-rakitic-sends-barca-10-points-clear-in-la-liga/

Real Madrid 0-1 Barcelona: Rakitic sends Barca 10 points clear in La Liga

Ivan Rakitic scored his first La Liga goal since 20 October

Barcelona moved 10 points clear at the top of La Liga after a second El Clasico win in four days, Ivan Rakitic’s goal all but ending Real Madrid’s faint title hopes.

Rakitic kept his composure to beat Thibaut Courtois after a one-two with Sergi Roberto split Real’s defence.

Karim Benzema and Raphael Varane were denied towards the end but Real rarely looked like equalising at the Bernabeu.

They are third in the table, 12 points behind Barcelona with 12 games left.

Atletico Madrid, who are second, will cut Barca’s lead at the top to seven points if they win at Real Sociedad on Sunday (17:30 GMT).

Barca closing in on fourth title in five seasons

Barcelona’s players formed a huddle as they celebrated on the pitch after the final whistle.

This was their 18th victory in 26 games in the league and, barring a disastrous set of results, they will retain the title they won by 14 points last season.

Having beaten Real in the Copa del Rey on Wednesday, Ernesto Valverde’s side inflicted further misery on their bitter rivals.

Barca showed their class all over the pitch. Croatia midfielder Rakitic raced clear of Sergio Ramos to score before Courtois produced a double save to keep out Luis Suarez and Lionel Messi.

At the back, Gerard Pique and Clement Lenglet were solid as Barca clocked up a fifth clean sheet in six games.

This will not go down as a classic but Barcelona emerged with their treble hopes intact.

Real’s season falling apart

A few days ago Real Madrid were still in the hunt for the Copa del Rey, while victory over Barca on Saturday would have given them a fighting chance in the league.

Instead their season, at least domestically, lies in tatters after another disappointing home performance.

They lacked cutting edge. Gareth Bale replaced having made little impact but he was by no means alone.

Luka Modric wasted a good chance when he headed over on the stroke of half-time and Karim Benzema scuffed wide in front of an open goal early in the second half.

Meanwhile, Ramos’ arm connected with Messi’s face at the end of the first half in what was a niggly, rather than dirty, game.

This was Real’s third successive home defeat and the locals made their feelings clear at the final whistle.

Real’s next match is against Ajax in the last 16 of the Champions League on Tuesday, with the Spanish side 2-1 up from the first leg.

The European champions need to keep their season alive. Another defeat could be damaging for Santiago Solari and his players.

Man of the match – Lionel Messi (Barcelona)

Lionel Messi just keeps getting better with age. Not even Sergio Ramos’ arm could stop the 31-year-old sprinkling his magic all over the Bernabeu.

What’s next?

While holders Real Madrid host Ajax in the Champions League last 16 on Tuesday (20:00 GMT), Barcelona have a week to prepare for the visit of Rayo Vallecano in La Liga next Saturday (17:30).

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[cherrybomb-and-starlight]

asdfghjkllñl

I was tagged by @glaspaladin n-n

Five Things You’ll Find In My Bag:

phone

10 year old mini ipod lmao

glasses case

wallet

a shitton of wrapers

Five Things In My Bedroom:

my dogs...all day everyday

2 sewing machines (one is mine one is my mother’s)

too many pillows

a bottle of hot sauce

a lot of loose paper

Five Things I’ve Always Wanted To Do In My Life:

fucking visit other states!! i’m always in the city goddamn

learn german..or russian... i’ve always loved how they sound

draw (i always retake doing it and when i see some process i drop it)

skydive, or do a bungee jump, or... IDK MAN SOMETHING EXTREME WHERE I JUST LAUNCH MY ASS INTO THE NOTHING BUT NOT DYING

lmao, get it together??

Five Things That Make Me Happy:

my pets!

my mom

shiro and eren :’)

training

my hobbies (even if i drop them)

Five Things On My To-Do List:

wash the patio

water flowers and trees

feed my pets

dye my hair

renew my glasses

Five Things People May Not Know About Me:

I’m a pretty clingly and touch starved person, but..... only if you are REALLY close to me... i hate pda, it makes me so uncomfortable... but in the safety of my cave i will cuddle the life out of you

I have 2 moms lol, my biological mother and my aunt (one of my mother’s sisters), she practically raised me, so i adopted her as if she were my own mom. If you see a negative post about my mother I am definitely referring to my biological mother, and if you see me saying that i love my mom with all my heart and soul that is definitely my mom (aunt)

I HATE COOKING, I bet people would assume that i love cooking BECAUSE I LOVE FOOD AND EATING, but since i’ve been cooking from... when i was 14... i just... started hating it, i can’t stand it, but i still have to do it and damn I JUST HATE IT

I don't like my skin tone... OMFG THAT SOUNDED AWFUL, lmao i love my brunette skin, i don’t like that i am like 20 different tones... my face is a tone, my chest is a tone, my arms have 2 tones, my legs are a tone... i’ve seen people with such homogeneous skin tone and i just CRAVE IT (let me have an even skin tone 2KFOREVER)

I crack my fingers A LOT, this includes my toes, since last year i found out i can crack my toes too and.... oh my god poor toes

Name?: Diana

Nicknames?: Cuni this is a family nickname (pronounced kuh-ni, means little bird in spanish, or at least in mexican spanish lol), and Zuriel (kinda???) my best friend baptized me with this name in high school and now i just adopted it as my own, so yeah i prefer to be called Zuriel

Zodiac?: Gimincer? idnk man sometimes gemini sometimes cancer

Sexual Orientation?: Good question! I wish I had the answer, I identify as bisexual but overall i am still pretty confused

Ethnicity?: Mexican

Favourite Fruit?: apples, watermelon, pears, mangoes, bananas.... please don’t ask me my favorite in any kind of food i will NOT know how to answer i like everything

Favourite Season?: Fall

Favourite Flower?: Lilies

Favourite Scent?: Vanilla! i always buy anything that smells of vanilla

Favourite Animal?: Wolves ;w;

Coffee, Tea, or Hot Chocolate?: Hot Chocolate.. probably... not really a fan of hot drinks

Cat or dog?: Dogs, i have 3 :’)

Dream Trip?: JUST VISIT ALL MÉXICO MAN... THIS IS MY ONLY GOAL... MY COUNTRY IS SO CULTURAL RICH I CAN’T DEAL!!!!

Number of Followers?:  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ some

What do I post about?: My otps :’) god i love them so much, but these days is mostly shiro and sheith. I thought that with the new season of attack on titan the fandom was gonna rise but like....  I NEED MY EREN D:

Do I get asks on a regular basis?: Never :D

Favourite Band?: Nightwish

Aesthetic?: Black, velvet and lace, forests!, food at hands reach

Fictional Character I’d Date?: SHIRO, GODDAMN I AM SO SMITTED FOR HIM, WHAT IN THE WORLD IS THIS MAN DOING TO MY HEART?????

Hogwarts House?: Ravenclaw

Rules: BOLD or star the statements that are true for you!

APPEARANCE: I am 5'7" or taller I wear glasses I have at least one tattoo (i wish D:) I have at least one piercing (yeah, to be specific i have 3, 5 if you count the standard earlobe ones) I have blonde hair I have brown eyes (my everything is brown lol) I have short hair My abs are at least somewhat defined I have or have had braces

PERSONALITY: I love meeting new people People tell me that I’m funny (i’ve had my share of these comments... but... i’m a pretty quiet person so....) Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me I enjoy physical challenges I enjoy mental challenges I’m playfully rude with people I know well I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it There is something I would change about my personality (more like regain? i used to be so confident... and i think everything just vanished)

ABILITY: I can sing well I can play an instrument I can do over 30 pushups without stopping I’m a fast runner I can draw well (last time i checked yeah.... like 4 years ago....) I have a good memory I’m good at doing math in my head I can hold my breath underwater for under a minute I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch (been cooking by myself since i was 14) I know how to throw a proper punch

HOBBIES: I enjoy playing sports (haven’t done some in a while tho) I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else I have learned a new song in the past week I work out at least once a week I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months (and i mean méxico is a hot country so... every month is a warm month) I have drawn something in the past month I enjoy writing I do or have done martial arts

EXPERIENCES: I have had my first kiss I have had alcohol I have scored the winning goal in a sports game (lmao in elementary school) I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting (this is a problem of mine okay!) I have been at an overnight event I have been in a taxi I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year (yeah! but not for the reasons you might think) I have beaten a video game in one day I have visited another country I have been to one of my favourite band’s concerts (i fucking wish!)

RELATIONSHIPS: I’m in a relationship I have a crush on a celebrity I have a crush on someone I know (i think???? i don’t know??? i’m pretty confused as of now) I have been in at least 3 relationships I have never been in a relationship I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them I get crushes easily I have had a crush on someone for over a year (lol this dude in my neighbourhood, i crushed for him for the entirety of middle school, and i don’t like him anymore but once every year i see him and i remember that crush and like I WANT TO KISS YOU SO I CAN GET YOU OUT OF MY SISTEM FOR FUCKS SAKE!) I have been in a relationship for at least a year (yep... my last relationship... almost 3 years) I have had feelings for a friend 

MY LIFE: I have at least one person I consider a “best friend” I live close at my school (fucking wish, it’s a 2 hour trip) My parents are still together I have at least one sibling I live in the United States There is snow right now where I live I have hung out with a friend in the past month I have a smartphone (I would die without it, honestly S A M E) I have at least 15 CD’s (lmao i only have 4, all of them gifts) I share my room with someone

RANDOM SHIT: I have breakdanced I know a person named Jamie I have had a teacher with a last name that’s hard to pronounce I have dyed my hair (I currently have a section of my hair dyed blue) I’m listening to one song on repeat right now I have punched someone in the past week (my brothers yeah, and while training) I know someone who has gone to jail I have broken a bone I have eaten a waffle today I know what I want to do with my life (somewhat??yeah?? like i kinda do..but the process man...) I speak at least 2 languages (spanish and english) I have made a new friend in the past year

lmao ain’t tagging no one because this is hella long and like... i’m a bit scared lol

[jessicakehoe]

Caitlin Cronenberg Shares the Backstory Behind Some of Her Most Famous Celebrity Portraits

The Endings, a photo series by Toronto-born photographer Caitlin Cronenberg and art director Jessica Ennis, was shot over the course of seven years, culminating in a 2018 book by the same name. That series, which features Hollywood A-listers like Keira Knightley and Julianne Moore as characters caught up in the emotional tumult of heartbreak, is now being developed into a TV show by Sony Pictures Television. Select photographs from that series are now a part of the Broadview Hotel’s permanent collection, greeting guests at the elevator banks on each floor, and peering down from the walls of the Toronto hotel’s bar and restaurant. We caught up with Cronenberg as she walked us through the hotel’s acquisition of her work, and then sat down with her to get the lowdown on some of the most iconic celebrity portraits she’s shot in recent years.

Sarah Gadon

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Walking away from 2017 like… #burnitdown #2017 #2018 #happynewyear #newyearnewyou @sarahgadon @jessicamennis

A post shared by Caitlin Cronenberg (@caitcronenberg) on Dec 31, 2017 at 9:27pm PST

This is Sarah’s “story” in The Endings, and we shot it out by Jess [Ennis]’s parents’s place in Thornhill, which was very fun. The story was that she’s going through her boyfriend’s breakup box and smashing and burning things. And it was actually pieces from Jess’s actual ex-boyfriend’s box, like letters they had written her and CDs, that we used. So it was like a catharsis in a way for her, which was kind of amazing. But the story was that she runs into the woods and sets this thing on fire. So we took our little team and went down into the wooded area in Thornhill on a warm summer night, and had her set this box on fire and this is the final image of her walking away from it. She’s the greatest subject of all time, flinging herself down hills and letting us put fake blood all over her and shooting into the wee hours of the night, smoking terrible clove cigarettes as props and smashing CDs in the middle of this cul de sac in Thornhill. It was really fun. And since then we’ve done so many shoots together and I’ve done stills on a bunch of films that she’s been in. Every time we shoot her, it’s like a totally new experience.

Robert Pattinson

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Let’s have another! Robert Pattinson for @luomovogue styled by @rushkabergman #outtakemonday #robertpattinson #rushkabergman #desert #la #rpatz #outtake #fashion #eyepatches

A post shared by Caitlin Cronenberg (@caitcronenberg) on Dec 4, 2017 at 3:14pm PST

This was one of my favourite shoots. This was when Rob was really at the beginning of his breakaway from the Twilight situation. I had done three or four films with him, doing stills—so we knew each other pretty well by this point. But you know, he’s a shy person… I find that a lot of actors are actually quite shy when it comes to photo shoots because it’s a very different experience. They don’t have a character to play. So what I like to do when I shoot actors, even if it’s for an editorial, like this one for L’Uomo Vogue, I like to give them a backstory. This was styled by Rushka Bergman, who is the most creative stylist I’ve ever worked with. We drove out to Joshua Tree to do sort of this Mad Max in the desert. All of the over-the-top jewellery and the spikes and the eye patches was all Rushka, she’s the only person who’d say, ‘You’ve got one eye patch on, let’s put on a second eye patch.’ And Rob was pretty open [to it]. He was kind of laughing as he put on the leather pants and saying to himself, ‘do I look ridiculous?’ But then as I showed him the images as we were shooting, he got really comfortable. I mean, he was hot in it, because we were in a desert and it was a very hot day in the desert. But he did so well. I was very impressed by him.

Schitt’s Creek

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Congratulations to the cast and crew of @schittscreek for your Best Comedy Series win at the CSAs last night! And congratulations on day one of filming your last season! @thecdnacademy @instadanjlevy @annefrances #schittscreek #danlevy #anniemurphy #ewdavid #bestcomedy #csa #canadian

A post shared by Caitlin Cronenberg (@caitcronenberg) on Apr 1, 2019 at 3:09am PDT

I have been lucky enough to work with these guys every year since season one, doing their gallery shoots, which is their character shots and promo shots. Watching it blow up… I’m so proud of Dan and Eugene. It’s just an incredible thing, the fact that they’ve been recognized internationally and the response that they’re getting. The show itself is so special. It’s so funny. It’s so inclusive. It’s all of these things that we really desperately need. I didn’t know them [before working with them]. I think I had probably crossed paths with Dan when he was at MTV, but not in any serious way. And I hadn’t met Eugene or Catherine, who I consider to be Canada’s parents. I didn’t know Annie either. But they’re such a creative bunch. We’d just be laughing all day long—they are so funny and so brilliant. And they’re like a family, they’re very welcoming. So even though I was only in there for a few days each season, I always felt so welcomed by them. You get to feel like you’re a small part of something that they’ve built that’s so impressive and so wonderful.

Jennifer Lopez

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This happened. Then I died. And I am posting this from beyond the grave. The majestic @jlo for @variety! Go see @hustlersmovie! #jlo #jenniferlopez #jennyfromtheblock #tiff #tiff2019 #tiff19 #portraits #portrait #idol #hustlers #hustlersmovie @tiff_net @att @arthouseagency

A post shared by Caitlin Cronenberg (@caitcronenberg) on Sep 9, 2019 at 12:36pm PDT

I don’t even remember [shooting her] because I blanked out and then when I looked at the photos later I was like, ‘Oh good.’ JLo is the most magnificent creature I’ve ever seen in my entire life. She’s just so stunning. You look at her face and you’re like, ‘How? How? I don’t understand.’ My baby started kicking while I was shooting her, for the very first time. It’s like he knew that it was JLo. I was so nervous. But she’s very professional. When you’re shooting during the film festival [TIFF], everybody is really business. I had the whole cast of Hustlers in there, doing singles one at a time. They come in, they get fixed up, just quick touch-ups, and then you have five minutes and then their publicists yell at you and you bring in the next person. I was just thrilled that I got time with each of them because they’re an amazing, fun cast. But there’s sort of nothing like her, she exceeds all expectations.

Billie Eilish

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Congratulations @billieeilish for making history with your Grammy nominations! The youngest person to ever be nominated for the top four @recordingacademy awards! ⁣ Production Design @jackrflanagan ⁣ Styling @samanthaburkhartstylist⁣ Hair @tammyyi⁣ Makeup @robrumseymua⁣ ⁣ Special thanks @vesper_filmandimage⁣ @northsixproductions⁣ @interscope⁣ @milk⁣ ⁣ #billieeilish #photography #photo #photographer #setlife #momlife #billie #grammyawards

A post shared by Caitlin Cronenberg (@caitcronenberg) on Nov 21, 2019 at 6:40pm PST

What can you say about Billie Eilish? She is the 17-year-old that I wish I had been. Just her talent, the way that she is working so hard and I’m seeing this because I’ve shot her twice. Once for this Spanish clothing company, Bershka, and I just shot her again for Beats. She’s so hardworking. She’s so focused and she has such good ideas. Even just walking on to set, she knows what she wants, she knows how she wants to be styled, she knows how she wants her outward persona to be and she knows how to protect herself. And I think that’s so important when you’re that young and when you’re blowing up the way that she is. She won’t do anything that feels not like her true self. And I respect that. It’s rare to find people who are like that. I think she’s a great role model for young women. She is showing [them] that there’s no one way to be. And she’s humble and down to earth, the kind of person who’ll blush when you tell her you love her work. There’s just something so real about her but also intimidating ’cause I’m like ‘I can’t believe what you’ve accomplished already.’

Meghan Markle

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From Kensington Market to Kensington Palace! Congratulations Meghan and Harry! #royalwedding #meghanmarkle #meghanandharry #harryandmeghan #kensington #toronto #kensingtonmarket Shot by me for @holtrenfrew

A post shared by Caitlin Cronenberg (@caitcronenberg) on May 19, 2018 at 4:45am PDT

We did ‘A Day in the Life with Meghan Markle’ for Holt Renfrew about seven years ago. It was a one-day shoot in which we just kind of hit her favourite spots in the city to highlight where she would spend her days off [from filming Suits]. She’s another very down to earth person—someone who you could be very chill with and, like, hang out with every day. Very fun, very funny. People on the street recognized her, because Suits has always been huge. Everyone knows that it shoots here and I think everyone’s always excited to see someone who’s kind of made Toronto their home. She stopped and took photos which was really nice and not everybody will do that. I think people really appreciate little gestures like that, that make their day and are not that big of a deal for her. It was a great experience, really fun.

Drake

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Happy birthday to October’s very own, @champagnepapi! It’s Scorpio season and y’all better watch out! Photo by me for the Views album! #drake #happybirthday #ovo #october #octobersveryown #scorpio #scorpioseason #views #six #6ix #raptors #toronto #torontoproud

A post shared by Caitlin Cronenberg (@caitcronenberg) on Oct 24, 2019 at 5:45am PDT

The Drake shoot was awesome. It was 2016; I did the cover of Views and the interior booklet over a three-day shoot in April. My kid was four months old and on set with us, it was totally insane. It was intense because they wanted so many setups and had all these great ideas. We had a PDF of 11 different locations and sets that they wanted us to find and build in like, two and a half weeks. But we made it work. Everything turned out so well. Drake’s a total pro—he shows up on set, knows exactly what to do. I mean, he was an actor, so he’s easy to direct. And he’s another person who really has a strong sense of self and knows how he wants to project himself, which was really great. And also as a fellow Torontonian, born and raised, it was fun to explore the city with him and really celebrate the city. For this shot, he wanted kind of like a ‘King of Toronto overlooking the city’ vibe. It was so moody that day because of the snow and because of the sky; it’s very reminiscent of Toronto winters and gives you that real city grit. There’s a great mood to it and it’s a mood that we all know so well from so many months in a year. I really loved that. It’s beautiful.

Carrie Fisher

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Happy birthday to the late great Carrie Fisher. You were my favourite dog-lover and an all around amazing woman. #rip #carriefisher #happybirthday

A post shared by Caitlin Cronenberg (@caitcronenberg) on Oct 21, 2019 at 4:11pm PDT

This was a great day. Carrie Fisher had us over and I did portraits of her and her dog for a project that I’ve been working on for a while about celebrities and their pets. I had an amazing time with Carrie and it’s just devastating what happened. It’s sort of unthinkable. She was an incredibly intelligent woman, like mind-blowingly brilliant. So quick, so witty. And the way that she interacts with you is like that—it’s like the combination of the best of all of her characters. I really felt connected to her. Her love of dogs rivals my own love of dogs. That’s Gary Fisher, her dog, who was her prize possession, her love. She’d go for a massage and he’d get up on the table with her, he walked all the red carpets with her. Her home was so eclectic—she has a Christmas tree up all year round and crazy Star Wars props. It was an amazing little bit of insight into her life. She was a super, super special person.

The post Caitlin Cronenberg Shares the Backstory Behind Some of Her Most Famous Celebrity Portraits appeared first on FASHION Magazine.

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[zillowcondo]

The Vintners’ Vision : The Burbank Ranch Estate Vineyard and Winery

To those who have lived and worked in Southern or Northern California, and traveled by car to or from San Francisco, Los Angeles or San Diego, there is a stretch of coastline halfway between Los Angeles and San Francisco called the Central Coast. And somehow, very much like any quiet stretch between big cities, the Central Coast was left alone for much of the 19th and 20th centuries. What WAS there, and what made this area somewhat better known in the 1920s, was the Hearst Castle at San Simeon, built by William Randolph Hearst, for his lady friend, Marion Davies. Oh, the scandal. Watch Citizen Kane to discover more.

Hearst Castle, near the town of San Simeon, Central Coast California

But even back then, and for years after, the quiet of the hills, the sound of the surf and the Elephant Seals was not interrupted by the sound of tractors and concrete mixers, except for the construction of gas stations, diners and maybe a motel here and there. Today, though, this area is more populated with beach towns, but still, not metropolises.

Vineyard/Winery Signs near Templeton, California

Yet, east of Highway 1, over the first range of central coast mountains, is an area that feels like Tuscany – full of olive trees, aromatic lavender, and now, a lot of grapes. The vineyards wineries in and around the larger city of Paso Robles, and the smaller town of Templeton, have seduced many connoisseurs to take the 2-3 hour drive down from San Francisco, Napa and Sonoma, and up from Los Angeles to see the vineyards, taste the olive oil, and drink the wines of this area.

Burbank Ranch Winery & Bistro, near the Tasting Room

One of the youngest and most awarded is the Burbank Ranch Estate Vineyard and Winery. Though a young vineyard, the land and soil was part of a larger land grant holding, Rancho La Asuncion, that had been subdivided through a survey back in 1886.

Sunrise At The Vineyard

Traveling through the gates of Burbank Ranch Estate Vineyard and Winery, up the drive, there is a sense of quiet, balance, and harmony. Eucalyptus, Pampas grass, white and live oak, olive trees and lavender all surround the silent, yet green, nearly tangible growth of the 45 acres of grape vines.

Pampas Grass and Vineyard Grapes at Burbank Ranch

Burbank Ranch is an 83.5-acre parcel located in the El Pomar District of Templeton (within the Paso Robles AVA.) The property has panoramic views of the Salinas Valley, the Santa Lucia Mountains, and oak-lined seasonal creeks. The gently rolling hills of Templeton can be viewed from every vantage point on the ranch. The nearby Templeton Gap in the Santa Lucia Mountains – between the Pacific Ocean and Templeton – allows cool Pacific Ocean air to flow nightly into the Ranch, which is approximately 26 miles from the Pacific Ocean, and between 1020 and 1125 feet above sea level.

The Peace Of The Land and the Vineyards, Burbank Ranch

We were here a week before harvest, when Fred and Melody Burbank were riding their Kubota RTV between grape blocks in the vineyard, assessing their growth and health, deciding which to pick first.

Fred Burbank In His Kubota RTV, In The Vineyard

The soil is well fertilized and watered, and the grapes, picked in small bunches have a wild, vivid taste. At harvest, all the fruit will be hand-picked, and picking starts long before sunrise, as the pre-dawn light is enough for the workers, often including Fred and Melody, to see the grape clusters. Then, after picking, the fruit is immediately taken to the winery for hand sorting, crushing, and fermenting.

Freshly Picked Fruit

This commitment to creating something living, personal, and meaningful are the root systems of the Burbank Estate Wine brand. And the wines themselves have been honored by multiple awards, those that take other vineyards decades to win. We met and discussed these and other issues that contemporary vintners often face when we interviewed Fred and Melody:

Fred And Melody Burbank, In the Tasting Room, Burbank Ranch

Pursuitist:   As regards you both, this was not your first profession. I am curious as to how you made the transition from medical doctor and marketing professional to successful vintners. Burbank Ranch Estate Vineyard and Winery is the culmination of a vision that both that you and Melody had. How did that vision emerge?

Products Of The Original Vision

Fred: I grew up in Omaha, Nebraska – a medium sized Midwest city surrounded by farmland.  That countryside always seemed peaceful to me.  Furthermore, the seasonal cycle of planting, growing, harvesting, and winter dormancy was a natural clock, one that ran at a human pace.  Reflecting this environment, by 3rd or 4th grade children in Omaha had all learned many of the principles of farming: crop rotation, contour plowing, aquifers, and the like. After leaving Nebraska, I lived exclusively in cities or suburbs – with no surrounding farmlands. I missed open spaces, farms, and seasons.

Fred In The Vineyard.

Melody:  Five generations of my family lived on small farms in the San Joaquin Valley.  My grandfather retired from the Los Angeles police force to a little ranch in northeastern San Fernando Valley.  Grandpa grew fruit trees and vegetables. I loved that country life and wanted a return to it.

Pursuitist: What made you choose the Central California area in contrast to the more popular Napa/Sonoma area? What attracted you to the Central Coast region?

Fred:  When I made the transition from clinical practice to full-time medical device development, Melody and I had a bit of free time.  We used that time to visit the two well-known wine grape-growing regions in California: the Napa Valley and Sonoma. Although Napa and Sonoma were charming they were a bit overdeveloped and fancy for me.  For whatever reason, they did not feel right.

Melody:  When we went to dinner in Napa at a well-known high-end restaurant, Fred showed up without a proper tie and jacket. He had to borrow both from the restaurant.  You can picture how much he liked that.  Then the food came.  He maintains that his dinner consisted of one pea on a huge white plate with a drizzle of purple something or other splashed around it.  I think he asked the waiter for additional bread a dozen times.  Maybe more.  The restaurant was definitely not our kind of place. We were seeking something, like what Napa and Sonoma were 40 years ago, not now.

 Pursuitist: How did you find the land that was to become Burbank Ranch?

Fred:  When our youngest child, Noah, started college at Stanford in Palo Also, we began driving up to the Bay Area from Laguna Niguel to visit him.  To break up the drive, we often stopped in Paso Robles – a good halfway point.

When we arrived there in the early afternoon, we toured wineries.  Unlike Napa or Sonoma, Paso still had a country feel to it.  It was possible to drive by a ranch and find a pickup truck up on concrete blocks with someone crawling under to fix a leak or replace an oil filter. It reminded me of rural Nebraska.

The Vineyard In Pacific Coast Fog

Melody:  The rolling hills on the eastern side of Paso Robles captured me.  Vineyards were present, but undeveloped ranch land was everywhere.  Rather than purchasing an existing vineyard, we decided to build our own from the ground up. I had looked at many vineyards and lots of land and when we saw our property I knew it was the one. I felt peaceful and serene and I knew we had arrived.

Pursuitist: How did development proceed?

Fred:  We chose a property on El Pomar Drive.  El Pomar means “orchard” in Spanish, reflecting the past when orchards had been planted in our area.

I wish I could say that we planned it all oh-so-carefully in advance, but we didn’t. Each step led to the next, and here we are today with 45 acres of planted wine grapes, an estate home, and a guest house, a barn, a working winery and tasting room.

Main Residence In Front With Lap Pool, Winery And Tasting Room Behind.

Pursuitist: What are your favorite times of the day at the Vineyard?

Melody:  I like early mornings and late afternoons best because the lighting is best for picture taking.  I never tire of seeing the sun come up, shining light across the vines.  Similarly, each sunset over the Santa Lucia Mountains seems more beautiful than the last. I never miss the sunset. I also like the nighttime because you can see so many stars.

Fred:  I like midday.  In the summer it is generally hot at noon, just perfect for swimming laps in the pool.

Pursuitist: As regards the Central Coast area, it is becoming a popular wine, and olive growing area now. When you bought the land that would eventually become Burbank Ranch, could you see the growth possibilities of the region? Or was this a surprise?

Fred:  By the time we purchased our property in 2008 wineries in Paso Robles had already proven that they could produce world-class wines from grapes grown in Paso.  In fact, in 2013 Paso Robles was named the “Wine Region of the Year” by the Wine Enthusiast magazine.  The award was given to Paso because it exhibited positive “…spirit and can-do positivity … it’s the region to watch.”

Veraison Early Grapes

Melody: In reflection, I guess I could see the growth possibilities because there’s so much land available and the wines coming from Paso are really good. Furthermore, because the Paso wine scene is relatively new, it’s not gotten stuck in a niche like Napa Cabernet. Paso lends itself to Bordeaux style grapes, Rhone style grapes and many others. That aspect of the area is very appealing for someone who wants to get into the wine business.

Did I anticipate that it would grow with more vineyards and olive orchards? I didn’t think about it. But I’m not surprised. It’s a lovely area and people are attracted to it.

Pursuitist: Burbank Ranch produces Estate Bottled wines – what does that mean?

Fred: “Estate Bottled” means that 100 percent of the wine comes from grapes grown on the Ranch and those grapes are crushed, fermented, finished, aged, and bottled on the Ranch. With the completion of our 19,000 square foot crush pad, tank room, underground barrel storage vaults, offices, and tasting room building, we now produce estate bottle wines.

Burbank Ranch Tasting Room, Sunset

We hand pick grapes either at night or at first light, transport them to the crush pad, hand sort the bunches, de-stem, hand sort berries, must pump grape berries to temperature controlled fermentation tanks, ferment, store in barrels, rack, filter, and bottle all on the ranch. Consequently, our wines are now “Estate Bottled.”

Pursuitist: Burbank Ranch has won multiple awards, and the Vineyard is still young. What are your thoughts on these accolades? And which one was the most surprising to you?

Interior Tasting Room, Burbank Ranch

Melody:  Our intention from the beginning of this adventure was to produce high quality grapes that lead to producing excellent wines. While Fred and I have both earned London-based Wine & Spirit Educational Trust (WSET) Level II Sommelier Certification, and we knew our farming practices were top notch and we thought our wines are fantastic, I still wanted outside evaluation of our initial wines to feel confident that we could produce world-class wines.

Four Winning Burbank Ranch Wines

Our first vintage was 2010.  My favorite wine, our 2010 Cabernet Franc, won “Best in Class” at the six-county, Central Coast Wine Competition in July of 2012. It went on to win a “Double Gold” award at the 2013 San Francisco Chronicle Wine Competition, the largest competition of American wines in the world. This recognition confirmed my confidence in our wines.Since then, our wines have won awards at competitions across the country.

A Few Recent Burbank Ranch Wine Wins

 Pursuitist: Where do you see Burbank Ranch in the next few years? Is there room for expansion?

Melody:  Through wine competitions we have shown that we can produce high-quality grapes and from these grapes produce high-quality wines.  The next step for the Ranch is breaking into commercial sales.  Showing our wines in the tasting room and selling wine from that facility is pleasant and rewarding. And, in a sense, it is relatively simple.  Customers have self-selected themselves as interested in a new wine experience.  They have traveled some distance to reach the Ranch.  And, generally, they are not in a hurry.

Tasting Room Table, Set For Private Tastings

Commercial sales are an entirely different process.  Picture a busy mother, with her 3 year-old child in the shopping cart, pushing rapidly through the supermarket.  She is planning an evening dinner, gathering the items needed.  She reaches the wine aisle.  Ugh!  How does she choose wine to match her dinner? Does she do it by country of production, grape type, or wine maker style?  Or does she just buy on price?  Maybe label look?  Unlike the tasting, room, no one is standing in the aisle ready to talk her through the maze.

Consequently, the next step is the commercialization of the sale of Burbank Ranch wines.

Pursuitist: Finally, what are a few lessons you have learned in this process of owning and building a successful vineyard and winery? Has the Vineyard created different priorities for you, in some way or ways?

Fred:  We were very fortunate to have excellent consultants for phases of Ranch development that were foreign to us. I have learned about soil and water evaluation, irrigation planning, root-stock and grape clone matching, plant spacing, and vine training systems — each required expert help. None of this was a surprise.  And each phase had time boundaries. We knew when the phase would begin, and we knew when it would end.

Melody:

One of the simple fascinating things that I’ve learned is that farming depends a lot on Mother Nature. Of course I’ve always heard that but experiencing it over the last eight years has been eye opening, interesting and fun. Though we love rain, we can also get stuck in the mud. Though we love sun, it can also be too hot. Our grapes love balance, just as we do.

Freshly Picked Grapes From The Vineyard.

Our Ranch manager, Ruben, often says that working in the vineyard, and keeping all the 78,573 grapevines happy is like having 78,573 children. We feel that way also – each day, we care for them, and their nurturance. We know they are living things, and if we are good to them, they will be good to us. And they have.

The Fruit Of The Burbank Vines at Sunset

 The post The Vintners’ Vision : The Burbank Ranch Estate Vineyard and Winery appeared first on Pursuitist.

The Vintners’ Vision : The Burbank Ranch Estate Vineyard and Winery published first on http://ift.tt/2pewpEF

[romancevsreality-blog]

vanderpump rules, season five, episode sixteen: these boys need help with their drag names

It feels greeeeeeat to be back, y’all.

Sorry about last week - Valenslimes Day got a little wild.

We’re in New Orleans too, where everyone’s hungover from their night in the very secret underground place called Bourbon Street. Not even kidding, I laughed at that being Stassi’s idea of “Her New Orleans” being... Bourbon Street. Literally, that’s like a New Yorker taking you to The High Line1 or going to The Bean2 in Chicago. Anyway, Brittany and Jax are going over the previous night’s events wherein Jax cried because he’d been a dick to Stassi for… their entire relationship? Jax doesn’t understand why Brittany is upset that Jax cried and apologized to Stassi when Jax literally refuses to apologize or own up to anything with Brittany, and probably doesn’t talk to her with half the emotion he showed Stassi. Brittany, he’s 67 years old, his body can only produce so much moisture.

Oh, goodness Schwartz pretty much proves how shitty he can when he wakes Katie up at the beginning of the episode. In his most passive little voice he’s like, "Bubba... Bubba, wake up. Bubba, don’t you want to apologize for how you were last night? You were so mean to me last night. Wake up Bubba. How could you?" I know Katie’s literally one of the worst people on earth, but Tom’s mask is slipping and it's clear he’s toxic and incredibly passive aggressive right back to her. Straight up: if anyone wakes me up by poking me, let alone with some gross request for an apology when I’m hungover,that’s a great way to get the pair of scissors I keep under my pillow into your neck. I have a sensitive startle reflex. Don’t cross me.

Anyway, Katie and Tom basically fought the night before because Tom wanted to walk home and Katie didn’t feel safe and thus wanted to take a car. And of course, because it’s Katie, she delivered this information in an screaming, violent, vitriol-filled manner. They’re both still drunk from the night before, it’s 8 am, and nothing gets resolved, as is the typical case with these people.

The girls head to brunch in their Southern Belle Best3, where they sit and chat about the previous evening. Meanwhile, the groomsmen (and Ariana, who is a groomsman, less I other her) are going gatoring. My question: why can’t they do both? I want to go to both brunch and see a bunch of fucking gators in a swamp. Tom Schwartz reminds us he’s afraid of all nature things, so this will be fun. He’s also wasted because of what happened with Katie in addition to probably still being drunk from the night before. There’s a ton of putting butts on Schwartz’s face because he’s getting married or because these dudes just like putting their butts on each other’s faces.

Back at brunch, Kristen and Scheana are freaking out because they both don’t eat seafood. I don’t trust anyone who doesn’t eat seafood. Kristen and Scheana leave the table and we learn that the reason for Katie’s constant vitriol and abuse of Tom is rooted in the fact that they’re all certain Tom cheated on Katie in Vegas a few years prior and never completely owned up to it, and Katie never fully got over it. Tom originally told Katie that he made out with a girl in Vegas and that was it - but honestly, who just makes out with someone? That’s cheating when you’re in high school - when you’re in your 30s, cheating definitely involves sex, and I’m pretty certain Tom did it but again, it was also two years ago - if Katie’s not over it and Tom’s not forthcoming, they shouldn’t get married. Full stop. It’s not fair to bring up something from two years ago as an excuse for horrific behavior - it may excuse why Katie’s terrible to Tom, but why is she terrible to literally everyone else as well? Scheana gleefully claps at the idea that they’re going to ruin someone’s weekend to make sure their friend doesn’t look like the shitty asshole they are. Because they take pride in it. They relish in it. They enjoy it. I’m a vengeful person, but god damn.

Ugh, these fools have a crab boil and I am straight up jealous. Tom Schwartz is so drunk he feels bad for the crabs and won’t talk to Katie. He left his phone at home, which is probably the smartest move. Tom Sandoval, the MVP of this episode, suggests Tom and Katie got to counseling. Carter, who apparently was with Katie and Kristen when they came to the root of Katie’s issues with Tom, decides to play devil’s avocado for Katie and say that Tom doesn’t have her back and brings up the fact that Katie doesn’t trust Tom because of the Vegas thing. Sandoval smells Kristen all over that concept and says what I basically just did - they’re looking for a reason to vindicate and excuse Katie’s behavior and of course it’s something from two years ago. Jax asks the million dollar question, and phrases it as a sentence: “ Why are you getting married. Why are you getting married.” And tells Tom that yeah, he shouldn’t have to live like this, and Tom Schwartz is crying, so is Tom Sandoval. Tom Schwartz tries to blame himself and its hurts Tom Sandoval to see Schwartz crying. Sandoval tells Schwartz he deserves better, which is true. Everyone’s crying and all the dudes are like WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE MASCULINITY ETC ETC

We get our obligatory Lisa scene involving the cooks at Pump, and it’s mostly a scene of the cooks speaking in Spanish about how they wish they were married to Lisa.

Back in New Orleans, the girls are getting ready for their night out when they’re interrupted by a woman carrying a cake. They’re all confused as hell until she starts twerking and they all realize it’s a stripper. I am confused by so many things in this episode. But I guess if they want strippers, I can’t stop them, right?

Over with the groomsmen, Ariana and Tom wake Schwartz up by hitting him with blow-up penises because it’s time for them to get into drag. I wish that was a fake sentence, but no. Tom even got drag queens Aubrey St. Claire, Star, and Anastasia to come in and be their drag mothers. These dudes are even going as far as to tuck, which is shocking. I appreciate their full commitment, I watched the video of Willam tucking a guy. I have the link if someone wants it, it’s far too NSFW for me to post here - but jeeeeeeez, it does not look like the most comfortable thing in the world so I commend these boys for this. Ariana bounces between the groomsmen and the bridesmaids and is salivating with envy over their stripper.

My Descriptions Of How These Boys Looked In Drag:

Peter: Like my seventh and eighth grade teacher Mrs. Huff, only without the education

Jax: Like someone put Natalie Portman in the stripper scene in Closer in a blender.

Tom Sandoval: Like a power bitch, tbh. Clea Duvall in a power bitch role.

Tom Schwartz: Like a man in drag.

Ariana: Like a Kate McKinnon parody character parody.

They head over to The Rusty Nail in their finest drag, because where else better to challenge traditional masculinity roles than by showing up at a sports bar in drag. They get girls to buy them shots, Schwartz gets wasted, and Jax is basically like “Well, that’s a good sign for their marriage… they probably shouldn’t get married.” I really hate when Jax is the voice of reason on this show even though he should be because he’s 80. Ariana is full on committed to her role as Jordan Taylor, Vine Star, and I love it. I also love the shot of Jax learning what it’s like to pee as a woman. He literally pees all over himself in an attempt to pee standing up. Oh, Jax. You should have learned this 87 years ago.

Back over at Sexy Unique Restaurant, Lisa is tasting new dishes in what is clearly an advertisement for the food at Sexy Unique Restaurant. She mostly wants gluten-free, healthy dishes, and relishes in the fact that her staff isn’t there. She apparently upgraded Tom and Katie’s hotel room in New Orleans, a move that was probably unnecessary.I’m more offended by the server’s pronunciation of “loup de mer than anything else.

The guys head back to the hotel and run into the girls in the lobby, where the girls get a fresh taste of what the guys have been up to. Tom is rocking a new wig, more Sia-inspired than the last one, which was much more Cher.4 Katie and Schwartz seem to have put another band-aid on their situation, because Tom is drunk enough to be lovey-dovey with Katie just the way she wants it. Kristen, though, is not having it - she wants Schwartz to come clean about what happened in Vegas because otherwise, it’s all fake.

Kristen, who cheated on Tom Sandoval with Jax, Tom Sandoval’s best friend and Stassi’s ex-boyfriend is demanding someone come clean about their cheating. The Kristen of seasons past has returned in full force and Krazy Kristen Has Returned and requests Tom’s presence to berate Kristen about the Vegas thing. Choosing the worst times to discuss things, like when your best friend's boyfriend is drunk, in drag and at his bachelor party, you don't bring up that shit. Tom rightfully gets pissed off and walks away, but not before calling Kristen basic.

Tom Schwartz, I’m still pissed at you about the poking thing, but this is accurate af.

Kristen follows Tom into the elevator vestibule where she and Carter try to get into Tom and Tom’s face about it - Kristen tries to push Sandoval away so that she and Carter can talk to Schwartz even though Schwartz clearly wants nothing to do with any of this. He tells Kristen she needs therapy, and when Sandoval tries to tell Kristen to go away, she has the gall to remind him that none of this is her business. None of this was your business either, Kristen, you just know how poorly Katie is coming across and are desperate to make her look good for some reason no one seems to understand.

The fight leads to the hallway outside all of their rooms, where Carter is trying to defend Kristen’s shitty behavior and The Toms are trying to warn him of what he’s gotten into. Carter keeps trying to say it’s not about Kristen when Schwartz keeps talking about what a slut Kristen was and what a hypocrite she is because she’s a cheater too. And why is Carter doing any of this, anyway? He’s been there for about two weeks. Kristen is just projecting due to the massive amounts of guilt she feels - every time she thinks someone’s a cheater, she goes after them with a borderline violent obsession about avenging cheating. Jax, Brittany, and Stassi all do their own form of eavesdropping - Jax and Brittany press their faces to the wall, Stassi flat out peeks her head out and watches - and Carter doesn’t even try to atempt an argument when he finally gets a chance to speak. He’s so drunk he’s like “Tom, you’re Sia. And you two should date.” Like that is a) an insult and b) what?5

Tom runs into Katie in the hallway and curses out Kristen, and Katie doesn’t even know what’s going on. He calls her a moron and shuts himself in the room. Meanwhile, Kristen is describing the events to Ariana and Scheana, and Ariana’s like “Man. These two gotta work out their shit.” Understatement of the century, Ariana.

The Toms sit in her hotel room and basically yell “I DID NOT FUCK THAT GIRL” “YEAH YOU DIDN’T FUCK HER” at each other over and over again. Sandoval even goes as far to insinuate Schwartz had whiskey dick, a problem I wouldn’t be shocked to hear he had. Meanwhile, Kristen delivers her side of the story to Katie and Stassi (who had never heard the story at all becuase she and Katie weren’t friends at the time) and Katie agrees that Kristen had good intentions, just didn’t pick the right moment. Nah, she picked the most Kristen-suited moment. Katie’s like, “I didn’t want to talk to everyone about it because I was trying to protect him.” And yet here she is, happily playing the victim.

Ariana and Scheana try to talk to The Toms about the entire endeavor, and Tom Sandoval says the most telling thing when he mentions that it hadn’t been good for four years prior to that. They can’t blame all of their problems on one event, it just doesn’t work that way. Tom Schwartz says he’s done with Katie and refuses to marry her.

Next Week: Lisa’s clued into what’s going on, Tom Schwartz is a battered wife, Jax knows that Tom slept with Vegas Girl, Kristen and Tom go at it again, and by the end of the episode, everyone’s fine again.

See you tomorrow for Bachelor realness!

Random Thoughts From The Desk of Amanda:

Jax getting out of drag is one of the funniest things I’ve seen in a while.

Carter looked like a homophobic coked up hipster hardy boy for most of this episode. I can’t stand him. He’s so thirsty for camera time.

As much as I make fun of Tom Sandoval, I really do love him and he really does seem to be the only logical and  loyal person on this entire show.

Kristen pretty much fucked over her redemption run in one episode, god damn.

Someone is going to say there’s a much more cliched touristy thing to do, and to them I say… What is it? ↩︎

Y’all i straight up love public art. I learned about Christo and Jean-Claude in my freshman year of college and have been obsessed with all forms of public displays. I’ve always said I live my life like a Jenny Holzer display. ↩︎

Getting ready montage note - of course Katie, who defines Basic, has those oval flat makeup brushes. She probably got them for free on Instagram. ↩︎

Who is this random black friend the girls collected? ↩︎

I cackled at Jax being like I AM NOT GETTING INVOLVED IN TOM AND KRISTEN’S SHIT AGAIN. ↩︎