#wasn't even really attainable but. shit.

[skrunksthatwunk]

just found out rascal (babycat)'s been with his owner this whole time instead of my roommate which is. something. :|

[marril96]

Reasons

Pairing: Agatha Harkness x reader

Summary: Agatha wants to know why you wanted to go on the Road.

You knew you were in trouble when Agatha left the rest of the coven huddled around a fire and joined you in the forest area, away from prying ears.

You needed some peace and quiet. The trials were emotionally tasking. Risking your life day by day, doing things such as drinking poison and performing a song while fire raged around you…

It was a lot.

But this was your life now.You knew full well what you were signing up for. Agatha had warned you, loud and clear.

The choice to come here was yours, and you would make it all over again if given a chance for what you wanted — what you needed — from the Road wasn't something easily attainable. You'd be damned if you were to give up now.

Some things were worth risking everything for.

"Y/N," Agatha said as she approached you, casual, hands in the pockets of her coat. Like she were on a walk in a park rather than a dangerous and deadly Road.

"Yeah?" You weren't really in the mood to talk, your batteries still low from the latest trial. It didn't help that you didn't feel fully at ease with the others. The kid was fine, but the other witches made you nervous. You didn't trust them. You didn't know them.

The only one you really knew was Agatha. Which was why you just stood there instead of moving away or feigning sleepiness as she walked over, something clearly on her mind. It paid off to have befriended her back in the day. It was by pure chance, an encounter neither one of you expected, but, in hindsight, you were both glad it had happened.

She had earned a listening ear, someone to confide in, who wouldn't judge her no matter what. Someone who would have her back even if the rest of the world were to turn against her.

You had earned a protector in a world that was dangerous for your kind.

"We need to talk," Agatha said. Her tone didn't reveal much; you didn't know what to expect.

You turned to her. "Is everything okay?"

"Everything's peachy."

"Is Jen talking shit about you again? My offer to punch her in the face still stands," you said. You'd nearly done so a couple days back, but Agatha had held you back. She could handle Jen, she'd said. Her words had meant nothing to her.

It didn't make hearing lies and slander about your friend feel any better, but if she said she was okay, then that was that. Agatha was centuries old; much older than you. She may have been powerless now, but she could still hold her own. She'd heard worse. She'd lived through worse. Some random witch's petty insults didn't bother her.

Agatha chuckled. "Jen is… Jen. But no, she hasn't said anything."

"Then what's up?"

"I need to ask you something."

"Why do I feel like I'm about to be interrogated?" you said, nervous. You forced a smile. "Are you back in your true crime mode? Are you gonna manhandle me until I confess?"

"That's cute," Agatha said, rolling her eyes, prompting you to laugh.

If you'd known Wanda Maximoff had cast a spell on her, you would have come and gotten her out of it sooner — or tried to, at the very least. That was the thing about friendships that lasted for centuries; a lot of time was spent apart. It wasn't unusual for one of you to disappear for a few years and then pop back into the other's life. You missed her when she was gone, of course you did, but she had her life, and you had yours.

It was only when she'd showed up at your door with Teen in tow that you'd finally found out why she'd gone radio silent for three years. And, much to your disappointment, the witch who'd done it to her was dead, so you couldn't even punch her for it, or call her a bitch to her face.

Such was life.

"What are you doing here?" Agatha asked.

"What do you mean?" you said, taken aback.

"On the Road," she clarified. "Why are you here?"

Because you wanted something you could never have without it. Simple as that. "You asked me to come."

"No, I didn't. I told you I was going. You demanded I take you with me."

Right. You'd hoped that little detail would slip by her. You should've known by now she kept track of everything; her mind was as sharp as her magic.

"I haven't seen you in three years," you said, hoping that would be enough of an explanation. "I wanted to hang out with you. And, like, maybe get some more power along the way."

"Anyone ever tell you you're a shitty liar?"

Yes. She did. Multiple times in the past. Which was why, whenever the two of you needed to swindle someone — for whatever reason — she was the one doing the talking and you just nodded along and smiled.

"You did."

"Yes," Agatha said. "I did. Because you are."

You sighed. "What do you want me to say?"

"The truth."

"There's nothing to say."

There was a lot, actually, but you didn't dare open up that particular can of worms. Once it was said, it could never be taken back. So why say anything at all?

"Oh, is there?" Agatha said sarcastically.

"Don't do that," you said.

She raised an eyebrow. "Why not?"

Because you're my friend. Because I don't want to ruin this. "Because I'm asking you not to. That used to mean something."

"It still does." Her voice was soft. Tender. Gone was the sarcasm, the defensive sharpness. It was just her now. Your friend.

"Then why are you asking?"

"Because I want to know."

"Leave it alone." You knew she wouldn't. She never did.

"Y/N," Agatha said, your name but a whisper on her lips.

You sighed. Was she really going to do this now? Why couldn't she just take you at your word and put up with a little white lie? Why did she have to be so damn stubborn?

"Why did you want to come here?" She wasn't demanding. She wasn't prodding. She was just asking.

She knew you couldn't resist her for too long.

The perks of allowing Agatha Harkness to be your close friend. She knew you too well for your own good.

A lump formed in your throat. Heat bit at the back of your neck like a curse about to swallow you whole. Your heart raced, a marathon booming in your chest.

There was a silence, long, drawn out. Then, in your quietest, softest voice, you said, "You know why."

She always did.

She always knew everything.

Secrets weren't secrets for long around Agatha Harkness.

You tried to tell yourself that you were being careful, that your emotions were in check at all times, but the truth was, your poker face was worse than your lying skills. You just pretended you were doing a good job, and Agatha went along with it.

To her credit, she never tried to take advantage. She never made fun of you for it, or played games. The deal was friendship, and that's what she gave you. Nothing more, and nothing less.

"I want to hear it from you."

A tear slid from the corner of your eye. Your cheek burned like a fireplace. Your mouth trembled, holding the words back, wanting to keep them trapped forever. But what would be the point, really? The truth was bound to come out eventually.

The truth had been out for a long time, written all over your face. A big, scarlet letter for all the world to know how you really felt. What you really wanted, but never felt like you could have.

"You." It felt almost freeing to say it out loud, as if a weight had been lifted off your chest, allowing you to breathe in a way you hadn't for years. "I came here because I want you."

Really, what else could you have possibly wanted? You were satisfied with the power you had. You got by. Your life wasn't in danger. There was nothing for you to ask for, that you didn't already have.

Except for one thing you thought — you knew — was unattainable.

Agatha Harkness. One of the most powerful witches you'd ever gotten to know. Rumored to be cruel and ruthless, heartless. A remorseless monster. A serial killer of witches. Your best — and only — friend. The love of your life.

"Go on," you said after a few moments of silence. "Make fun of me."

"Now, why would I do that?" Agatha asked, appalled at the suggestion. Offended for sbe thought you knew her better than that.

Which was exactly why you were so afraid. She hid her feelings expertly. Rather than admit vulnerability, she preferred to go on the offensive. A scorpion stinging with its venom where it hurt the most. She cared about you, and she trusted you, but there was no telling how she would react to something like this out in the open.

You saw how she treated people. You watched her murder witch after witch and discard the bodies as if they were nothing. You watch her climb over others to prop herself up, to rise to the top.

What was to stop her from doing the same to you?

What made you so different?

Why had she never treated you any different than one would a friend? Why had she always had your back, without you even having to ask? Why had she taken lives — many, many lives — to save yours?

Why did she trust you with her story, with memories of her son and the failed romance with Rio?

Why did she feel comfortable to bare her soul to you and let the tears flow freely, a salty river down her face each and every time she revealed a piece of her history?

"I just…" You were nervous. You were scared. You wanted to die.

"You know, honey, you didn't have to be so dramatic about it," Agatha said, perking up. Teasing you like she usually did; a bit mean, but with no real malice behind it. Playful. A cat throwing around a mouse it had caught. "You went on the Road to score a date? Really?"

It wasn't really a date you were after, but her point stood.

You were stupid.

This was a stupid idea, and it had backfired, and now she was going to mock you for it until the day one of you died.

"You do know all you had to do was ask, right?" she said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

You snorted. "Yeah, right. Like you'd ever give me the time of day."

Agatha pressed her hands to her hips, elbows sticking out. "Who's to say I wouldn't?"

Now she was definitely taking the piss. "Come on," you said, putting on your fakest smile you knew would never fool her. "You're this amazing, badass, smoking hot witch."

She preened at the compliments. The surefire way to feel heart. She was nothing if not an attention whore.

"You-you're everything." Your everything, and more. So much more. "And I'm a nobody."

"Don't you ever say that," Agatha said in her stern, no nonsense tone. No more Mrs. Nice Girl. All daggers and sharp edges. She grabbed you by the shoulders, fingers digging in, and looked into sour eyes so intently it sent chills down your spine. "Don't you ever think you're a nobody."

"Everyone else thinks that," you said quietly.

It was obvious the others didn't think much of you. You could see it on their faces; the lack of respect, the underestimation. Jen had called you Agatha's pitbull to your face.

That was all you were to them. A pathetic witch whose only purpose was to speak up for Agatha. She may have joked about Teen being her pet, but it was clear to them all that that was your job. Agatha's witch familiar who was hopelessly in love with her and barked — but never bit — at every perceived slight against her.

"Who cares what they think?" Agatha said. "You're an exceptional witch, Y/N. They are nobodies."

"You're only saying that to make me feel better."

"Does that sound like something I'd do?"

No. It did not. She might use those words to manipulate some poor, unfortunate soul, but not you. Never you.

She always said it to you like it was.

"I mean, you do like to manipulate people," you joked. "And you lie better than I do."

Agatha rolled her eyes. "Everyone lies better than you do."

"True." There was no denying that.

She sighed, exasperated. "You really are an idiot."

And then her mouth was on yours, and she was kissing you, and your entire world exploded into fireworks and sparks and electricity, and, for a few short moments, you weren't in a dirty, creepy forest but rather somewhere warm and welcoming, and you never wanted to leave.

Agatha was everything you had imagined, and much, much more. Fire and ice all in one. Sugar and spice and everything nice and cozy and so fucking delicious.

Hers was the taste you never wanted to give up.

She tried to lean her head back, to take a break for breath, but you grabbed her chin and kissed her again, and again, and again. Hunger like you'd never felt before overtook you. Your nerves were on fire, legs weak underneath you, but you held on, forced yourself to remain standing. To remain kissing her for you never knew when you would get another chance.

If you would get another chance.

"Honey, I may be immortal, but I still need to breathe," Agatha said with a chuckle, right against your lips. Playful. Teasing.

Deciding it was enough, you backed away. Your lips were swollen, tingling. The taste of her, all of her, still on them, lingering like a ghost of your past. Forever imprinted on your mouth, a tattoo you hoped would never fade. You never wanted to lose it. Never wanted to forget what it felt like to be kissing her.

"Sorry," you said, blushing, nervous to hell and back.

Agatha looked you in the eye once again with the same fire as earlier. "Never apologize for taking what you want. You're a witch. The world is yours for the taking."

"I don't want the world," you said. "I just want you."

"Done." She said it so casually, as if it was the easiest thing in the world.

You didn't buy it.

You quirked up an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Really."

"Just like that?"

"Just like that."

"You knew I was…" Completely and totally in love with her. "...into you."

"You have a tell," she said simply. She always could read people like an open book.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because I wanted you to ask for it."

"But why?"

Agatha sighed. "Y/N, what is it that I've been teaching you since the moment we met?"

"Fuck the rules?"

She nodded. "Fuck the rules."

"To be unapologetically me," you said.

"Because…?" she prompted.

"I'm a witch, and I've got nothing to be ashamed of. If I fuck up, that's fine. Shit happens. There's nothing that can't be fixed with a little bit of magic."

Agatha grinned, brimming with pride. "That's my girl."

That's what you really were now. Her girl.

A part of you wanted to pinch yourself to make sure that this was real. That it wasn't some dream or a hallucination the Road had inflicted on you as part of some fucked up trial.

The other part wanted to wrap her in your arms and never let go.

"Can I kiss you again?" you said, uncertain. Still not used to this new situation you'd gotten yourself into.

"You don't even have to ask," Agatha told you.

So you went for it. You kissed her. Once. Twice. Three times.

An infinite amount of times.

Later on, when it came time to get some shut eye, you kissed her goodnight, and she wrapped her arms around you. A protective cocoon, warm and safe.

And, in the morning, she was the one to wake you with a kiss of her own.

It was only fair.

*****

Tags: @werewolfbarbie @miss-moon-guardian @hermslore @uniquelesbianidiot @natashamaximoff1 @werewolfvpire @alsoknownasmel @swan-queen-is-magic @tardisesandtitans

[jadeylovesmarvelxo]

Part 4 to the fwb series.

Takes place three weeks after the last update, Eddie is finally coming to terms with what you meant to him, he and Chrissy are over for good and Eddie is sure he will never get a chance with you again...

18+, minors shoo!! A lot of angst, pining.

🖤

It has been a long three weeks since Eddie had seen you. He had a lot of chance to reflect in those three weeks, all that kept playing in his mind is you shutting the door in his face.

He had lost you. Been so sure, so stupid and unbelievably arrogant that you'd be back that he didn't fight for you, ignored any feelings that tried to break through to the surface when you were with him.

You were right he did dangle hope, he felt like a complete asshole for how he treated you. It wasn't always like that though, most of the time you and Eddie laughed a lot.

Sometimes you'd even talk for a long time... it was a world away from what it was like with Chrissy, easy and felt good, not the on and off shit and arguments that him and Chrissy had.

What a fucking idiot he was. Dustin and Steve had went through him when they found out about the two of you, berated him for being a dick to you.

He deserved every bit of their ire. Fuck, how could he ever thought you'd take him back, when all he did was hurt you every time.

Chrissy glares at him as she removes the last of the stuff from the trailer, there's not much but she's took a long time to come and collect it. Not that he blames her for that, but they've both been stupid to think this could work between them.

It felt cathartic to finally be free of the notion of him and Chrissy, if he could really be honest they both moved on a while ago, clung on to long to something attainable.

"Are you in love with that girl or something because you're frankly quite depressing Eddie" Chrissy huffs at him and gestures to the forlorn way he's been acting.

"Yeah but I fucked it all up though so it doesn't matter anymore" he sighs as he lights a cigarette.

"Wow. Sucks to be you that you fucked around and she left you high and dry huh?" Chrissy says all sweetness laced with venom and he shakes his head. Shit why did he ever think that she was sweet?

Knowing he would be subject to more barbs and shit if he stayed, he leaves to get some peace and to just be alone for a while.

...

You're here. Eddie didn't expect to see you anytime soon, thought you'd avoid him like the plague or something. The Hideout is packed and there's a great band playing but all Eddie can notice is you.

You look beautiful, a smile on your face as you chat to the guy beside you. Eddie wonders if this is the guy you went on a date with? Were you dating still? His heart clenches in his chest, like it's in a vice grip.

When you catch his eye he swiftly looks away and clumsily downs his beer. Feels his heart race when you keep looking at him.

Sink or swim Munson, you can run away or you can at least make things right and apologise. He chooses the latter and walks up to you, he's all jumbled thoughts and he's nervous as shit but he has to do this.

"Hey, I won't take up much or your time princess but I just want you to know that I know I'm a fucking idiot, I should have let you in instead of keeping you at arms length and I... I miss you sweetheart" you stare at him for a long few seconds.

"You mean you miss the sex?" you murmur quietly and he shakes his head.

"No. I mean that was mindblowing sweetheart, you know that, but it's not just that. I know I've lost you, don't deserve any less but I just wanted to say this" he feels lighter in himself but the ache in his chest feels like it's multiplied.

Even the fucking bats weren't as painful as this shit feels. He turns to leave but you stop him, gently tug him back as you slip your hand through his.

It feels so fucking right.

"Did I mean anything to you or was it just sex?" your voice shakes a little bit and he wants to assure you that you did mean something, he was just an idiot who realised it too late.

"You were more than just sex. I'm so fucking sorry that it took me so long to realise, to get my head out of my ass" he leans forward and gently kisses your forehead, smiles sadly and then leaves.

...

You still feel the pressure of Eddie's lips on your head, that soft look in his eyes when he told you that you meant something to him, that you meant more than just sex.

It's like you're on autopilot when you drive home, your friend Alex's voice a distant fog as he talks about his date from earlier in the week.

The two of you had went on a date last month but both quickly realised it wasn't going to work.

Head swimming with thoughts you drop Alex of at his flat and continue driving, straight past your house and to Eddie's trailer.

You don't know why you're here, you shouldn't be but your stupid traitor heart is egging you on.

Chrissy would be here wouldn't she? As far as you knew they were still together... At least you hadn't heard otherwise. Dustin had mentioned Chrissy leaving Eddie, but they were always on and off so you didn't really know if they were together or not.

Just as you suspect Chrissy comes out of the trailer and your heart sinks, you're ready to turn away and sigh sadly. Why did you stupidly think anything would be different.

Eddie comes out at that point and he just looks so done. It gives you pause and you watch as Chrissy piles her belongings in the car, glaring at him.

"I mean it Eddie, I'm not coming back this time" you expect Eddie to beg or something but he doesn't, just shrugs softly.

"Chrissy, I'm done. Done with this, when you leave that's it. This isn't what I want, not anymore" you feel yourself gasp and Eddie's head turns in your direction.

"Princess. What are you doing here?" flustered you walk over feeling awkward as hell. Chrissy rolls her eyes, slams the trunk of her car down hard and gets in the drivers seat.

"Congratulations' she says cooly. Gotta say I'm surprised anyone got that freak to fall in love" despite what's gone on between you and Eddie you feel ire build up inside you at her comment to him.

"Don't call him that and he's not in love with me" you shake your head at the very thought, there was no way. He would have told you.

Chrissy cocks her head then snorts, drives away and raises a finger in Eddie's direction as she does. Over the roar of the car you don't hear what Eddie is saying, just see his lips move.

"What?" you move closer to him, his expression is tender and he strokes your cheek.

"I said yes I am" he replies to you gently, the confession hangs in the air. You're stunned, definitely didn't expect it.

"Why didn't you say anything? you whimper. Fuck, all of this heartache and shit. Thinking you meant nothing to him, then he tells you this.

"I'm an idiot. Realised at the last minute, realised I was too late, you said I'd lost you sweetheart and I realised after you said it that I was in love with you"

You're shivering and it's so cold but you're desperate to hear more of what Eddie says. He notices you shaking and motions you to come inside, retrieves a thick blanket and wraps it around you.

"I don't deserve another chance, I acted like such an asshole and I'm so fucking sorry sweetheart... If you ever did by some miracle want to give me one more shot at this then I promise you I'll do better, I'll love you so fucking much, I will never be so stupid to let you go again"

His hands slip into yours and you're rife with indecision. Your heart telling you one thing while your head is saying different.

"I can't promise that I'll never be an idiot but I won't ever hurt you ever, I mean that princess" he gazes at you with such sincerity that it takes your breath away.

"What if I suggested a coffee date or even just seeing a movie? Stopping over for some of Wayne's amazing mac and cheese?" you suggest, thinking of small ideas, something slow and easy at first.

Eddie's eyes light up. "Anything, anything you want. We could have hot chocolate and camp out, watch the stars like you wanted too that one time?" it sounds so nice, it would be so easy to say yes.

"I'm scared Eddie" you admit. Scared you'll get your heart broken again. He softens and sits beside you, squeezing your hands.

"I'm scared too sweetheart. I've never felt this way about anyone, certainly not Chrissy. If you decide to give me a chance, give me your heart then I'll swear I'll protect it and cherish it, never ever break it again"

Tears run down your cheeks and you nod, just a tiny bit and the smile that breaks out on Eddie's face is beautiful.

"You mean it?" he asks hopeful, big brown eyes full of happiness. Yes. Yes. You do mean it and grin back at him

Tentatively Eddie kisses you, smiling when you're arms wrap around him. He pulls away and takes your hand, kissing it softly.

"Hope you're ready to be wooed?" he teases and warmness sweeps over you. Hope that this time things will be different, know deep in your bones that this time Eddie isn't going to fuck up.

You cuddle into his chest and for the first time in a while, you feel content.

❤️

And that's it :) thank you to everyone who supported this series. I loved hearing all of your thoughts. Hope you like the final part 🖤

[khuzena]

12:59

| Michael Kaiser x g/n!reader

summary: everyone in life comes and goes, but sometimes he wishes you stayed; but it's too big of a request to ask.

Warning: toxic rs,no happy ending, cry bitches. Angst, Angst, Angst. (Cheating again because this man is the reddest, crimson flag ever)

A/n: was writing this in school, no activities for the entire day so i was writing this. (This is so cringe oh my god i swear I'll write fluff next time what character do you guys want as long as it aint barou because idk how to write him..)

It sometimes gets too hard to breathe at night.

There are times where he'd find solace in your embrace, you've made home in his heart and you know.

The cupid to your psyche, the romeo to his juliet. So tempting yet so dangerous.

Trust, such a simple thing yet so hard to keep and attain. Something he's won from you years ago yet he lost instantly.

A prodigy as he, the loyal man he used to be.

Rainy days like these you'd find yourself in his well-sculpted arms, inhaling his scent and his kisses marking you his.

Two weeks before the fallout, he's been a distant man, eyes filled with disdain for you and you don't know why. Just a month ago there were flowers on your doorstep, a genuine compliment through text and light kisses pressed on your forehead here and there.

Though recently, he's been looking at you with such hate in his eyes, like you ruined his life— like you're the reason you brought pain and suffering in his world. Why?

There you were, sitting at the marble kitchen island and eating some fresh fruits while watching a boring show on your phone.

Kaiser walked past you as he grabbed an energy drink from the fridge, not even sparing you a single glance.

"Hey, love." You said smiling, nervously fidgeting your fingers under the table.

Kaiser rolled his eyes before looking at you with such disgust. Was your hair really that unkempt? Did your acne come back again? Was he no longer attracted to you? Or was it because he's found someone else. You don't know but these questions spiral in your brain, wondering, asking where you went wrong.

"Hey." He replied, the irritation in his voice was too obvious.

"Can we talk?"

If anyone could see you right now they would compare you to a homeless man asking for scraps or spare change. But at least a hobo has more dignity than you.

Like a broke man begging for money and food to survive, you're pleading, throwing away all your dignity— if you even had any left; begging for a tiny speck of his attention. Some answer, some closure for why he's been treating you like this.

"I don't have time for that and you know it, I have a game again next week in france. Let's talk next time when I have the time"

Confusion and anger boiling in you at this point, what do you mean he has no time for a simple conversation? When he has all the time in the world to do stupid shit without you when he's actually free.

"What the fuck? You barely have any fucking time for me."

He stared down at you with a blanm expression, it was irritating how he wasn't even taking you seriously.

He didn't say a word before walking away to the comfort of his room.

A week later he came home.

It was 12:59 am.

A knock on your door disturbed the peace in the living room, you made your way to the main door. Sighing with relief that it was him, that he got home safely from whatever team party he attended.

"'M sorry…"

Your eyes widened, the moment you opened the door he lunged himself at you; his grip as he hugged you not loosening.

"What happened to you, micha?..."

The smell of alcohol getting on you, the red lipstick stains on his blouse and how pathetically dishevelled that man was.

The sight took your ability to speak away for a moment. You've never expected this, he told you earlier that he'd just be drinking with his team but to go as far as this?

"Don't touch me."

Kaiser tightened his grip, the shame on his face says it all. He's never cried this hard before as his tears soaked your shirt, "Liebling.."

"I said go away." Venom dripped from your voice, causing him to flinch in his very drunk state.

A loud thud can be heard throughout the house as he fell on his knees, like the shameless bastard he is, he cried, "I still love you", "I won't do it again I promise", "You're everything, please, schatz"

The next day, he was lying on the couch. His bags being too dark one could mistake him for a panda.

Even though his stomach is growling loudly, vomit bubbling in his throat or face dried with tears he couldn't help but just wail.

Hands trembling as he looked to the alarm clock to his left, 12:59 pm. Kaiser's legs wobbled as he checked every room, looking for a sign you were there but no.

"Liebling! Please, please. Where are you?"

His voice echoed in the walls of his apartment but there was no one who answered back.

Kaiser's lost you and it's all his fault yet he wailed pathetically on the floor, holding on to the railings of his stairs like someone took you away from him.

As time passed by, he's lost count of the days he's skipped training. His hunger being his least concern even though he barely eats nowadays as he spends most of his time staring at the ceiling.

Wishing for a miracle, wishing that god hears his prayer for one last time.

In this time of deep depression his spotify playlist has become his friend, his pillow being the tissue for his tears and the sheets crumpled from his thrashing around the bed.

kaiser: please come abck

kaiser: back***

kaiser: please

kaiser: please

kaiser: i love you

kaiser: liebling

kaiser: liebling lets talk

kaiser: please.

*seen*

It's hopeless.

No matter how many times he blew up your phone with calls and texts you never answered. Though you never even blocked him too.

It was that time again, he called you again. Screen stained with tears as his eyes sparkled with hope when you finally picked up.

"Liebling, im sorry, im sorry."

The call was still on but he could only hear your heavy breathing, his breath hitched as he shakily held his phone to his ear.

"I know my sorrys won't change anything, but I still love you."

"I can't live without you"

"You're my everything."

"Please."

Please.

Still not a single word from you, he plopped down on his bed as he stared into nothing again in his empty room.

"Michael, stop."

He clutched his phone to his chest as he sobbed quietly, making sure you didn't hear him.

"Yeah, sorry."

"Stop apologising, Michael," you let out a sigh, "let's break up"

"Yeah, sure. Good night"

The call ended right then and there.

Kaiser kept replaying your voicemails over and over again. His nerves calmed down for a bit until the reality set in, he'd never hear your voice again.

There will no longer be any you standing outside the door with your arms wide open to congratulate him on his win or a lover he'd call his. The person he vowed to love and protect forever, gone.

And it's all his fault.

For one last time, he checked his phone as he saw a notification on his lock screen. The bright light almost blinded him.

love: i know you're still awake

love: go to sleep

*sent 12:59 am*

He sighed, putting away his phone and staring at the clock.

"Yeah, maybe it is getting late"

Note: we js had a halloween party 2 days ago, cosplayed as krul, had so much fun. °^°>🍦. I'll stop writing for kaiser i swear im js obsessed w him :((( (this fic not proofread m sorryyy)

[tobiasdrake]

Dragonball has a couple interesting redemptions to talk about. Like Piccolo Jr., where depending on how you interpret his character changes both whether he has any significant crimes to be redeemed of, and the exact moment where this redemption begins. If you hold the Jr. is a seperate individual from Piccolo Daimao, then the only crimes he ever really committed are Attempted Murder (Of Goku) and mass property damage. And if you hold that Piccolo Jr. Was born a demon and lost that demonic status through positive character development, then his redemption technically occurs before he spends any time with Gohan, because he can't have been a demon when he killed Goku and Raditz (As Dragonball establishes that those killed by demons don't go to the afterlife). That scenario really makes you remember that Piccolo Jr. was only 3 years old when he fought Goku. And that's just one possible reading of his character

Piccolo is a complicated entity. There are basically three, arguably four versions of the character - but they are ultimately different facets of the same guy.

There's the original Piccolo-Daimao/Great Demon King Piccolo, of course. What's interesting about Daimao is that he seemingly lacks moral agency.

Piccolo isn't a demon because of how evil he is. He's a demon because, metaphysically, he is a demon. This is not a turn of phrase. It is not a title. It is not a fanciful status you can attain by kicking enough puppies. It is a mythological being.

When the Nameless Namekian ascended to become God, he purged all corruption and wickedness from his heart, and that wickedness became the demon Piccolo. As a demon, Piccolo is literally evil incarnate. He can only know evil. He can only be evil. He is incapable of anything else.

This man has no true goals, desires, or ambitions. He's just evil. Because he is composed entirely of evil and can know nothing but evil. By circumstances of his existences, he's not even really a person; He is just evil.

Even his idea of world domination is just genocide in slow motion.

He wants to kill everything for maximum evilness. He has a 43-year plan for disseminating fear, anarchy, and violence around society before he finishes killing all life on this planet. This is not a three-dimensional human being. This is what you get when you put an abstract concept into a body. He is not physically capable of making moral choices.

The moment everything changes is, of course, when Goku presents a very compelling argument that he should get his shit together.

This is the moment that people often point to as evidence that the two Piccolos are different characters.

Moments before he spontaneously explodes for... honestly, no clear reason at all... Piccolo speaks to the egg he's reincarnating himself into. It's a weird thing for him to do if the egg contains his own soul or essence or what have you.

But. Well. Contain it, the egg does. Piccolo hatches from his own egg with full continuity of consciousness from his past self. He remembers his identity, he remembers Goku, he remembers God and their relationship, he even remembers the language of his home planet from long before he and God ever divided.

His identity, his personality, every scrap of knowledge he ever knew, is all intact in this new body. Piccolo identifies himself as the Piccolo-Daimao reborn.

Which God independently corroborates.

Piccolo never died; If he had, God would have died as well. God cannot exist if Piccolo-Daimao does not. This is how the metaphysics work.

An argument could be made that a reincarnation is not entirely the same being. It is nonetheless a new life, a new being. Avatar: The Last Airbender goes to great lengths to show how very different the reincarnations of a single person can be, as each incarnation is born as a blank slate.

But. Uh. Piccolo Jr. wasn't born as a blank slate. He was born with Piccolo's memories, identity, personality, ambitions, etc. fully intact. So trying to label him as a brand new person untethered from the old is ultimately splitting hairs.

However.

What he wasn't reborn as, is a demon. And that's where things get interesting.

Piccolo reincarnated himself into a new body, but that new body was a new body. In terms of personality and memory and identity, he woke up the same Daimao as before - but metaphysically, he woke up as a fully three-dimensional being, suddenly capable of choice and complexity and moral agency.

He hatched himself into a new Namekian being, rather than a demon spawn.

This new form of Piccolo still wanted to take over the world. Because that's what he wanted when he was a demon. Piccolo is a ball in motion from the time he hatches, continuing to pursue the agenda he had in place before his reincarnation gambit.

But. It's. Complicated now, because he can't just do evil for evil's sake. His goals have to make sense now. They have to be a thing that a person would want. Before he even meets Gohan, he's already softened up from Pure Evil Incarnate.

The Demon Lord of old didn't really want to rule the world. It was just a pretense for a slow and cruel genocide. But in this new state, suddenly he cares about his prospective empire. He's concerned now about the wellbeing of the people he would govern.

Eight years ago his "plans for this world" were for everyone to die. But here he is like "How dare this asshole try to kill my planet when I intend to rule it!?" He's getting confused about his own motivation because his original motivation was just "Do Evil".

In this form, Piccolo is self-aware now. And he's not happy about his place in the universe.

Before, he was acting on just... raw evilness. But now he's emotional. He's bitter. Cynical. Resentful of God. He can feel things now. And with the arrival of the Saiyans bearing down on him, Piccolo's thoughts have turned to his legacy.

People fixate on The Moment but it's the capstone of a point that had been hammered in and hammered in: That Piccolo is changing, that he's been changing since the moment he hatched from that egg. That he is even capable of change because he ceased to be a demon on that fateful day years ago.

It's on the shoulders of all of this groundwork that the fateful moment everyone remembers takes place.

From this point forward, Piccolo is unquestionably 100% a protagonist, though he's still a bit of an asshole.

The debatable transformation in his character comes from his assimilation of Nail.

While Piccolo and Nail's merger does have some fairly explicit effects on his character....

It's not super clear whether his developing sense of empathy for others is a result of it, or a consequence of the growth he's already undergone up to this point.

In either case, Piccolo's development ultimately brings him to his final transformation:

This last transformation is... unusual. In a sense, it devalues the redemptive journey Piccolo's been on up to this point. Despite Piccolo repeatedly insisting "I'M DRIVING, You're just going to be FOOD FOR ME," the new being that results from their joining is at once both Piccolo and God, and neither all the same.

He still answers to the name Piccolo for convenience's sake.

But he's different now. He's humble. Wise. A spiritual leader who offers reverence to the divine and guidance to the uncertain.

This is not the same man who gleefully spat in the face of God.

Look at him there, offering spiritual clarity. Piccolo would never.

This new version of Piccolo is effectively a brand new character, bearing some traits from both Piccolo and God. This is not a product of character development, but because they waved a magic wand and fused into a single guy. So it feels kinda cheap.

But at the same time, it's not. Because Piccolo's growth and development wasn't wasted. Indeed, it's that growth and development that brought him to this point; That made it possible for Piccolo and God to rejoin one another in the first place.

This final transformation is Piccolo's redemption; The culmination of a long journey that he's been on, from Pure Evil Incarnate to a three-dimensional man standing at the altar of God in his Temple in Heaven, seeking the ability to protect the people he loves.

The prodigal son finding his way home, to become himself again.

[whosthere54]

So there's this quote that I keep seeing on my Pinterest and EVERY TIME I go lol hey it's Broters or lol hey it's Prison duo but I wanna talk about it for a min cause sjkfkfkfkf I'm so normal

If u wanna I'm gonna yell about it below the cut :)

(Disclaimer it's all just incoherent ramblings at *checks watch* sometime around 1 AM but there's some sense to it I promise just trust me /lh/silly/hj)

So the quote is short, it’s just-

"Icarus should have waited for nightfall. The moon would have never let him go" - Nina Mouawad, blue sun

And I shake it. I shake it around. There's so much symbolism of Icarus and the sun. Icarus and Apollo. I always make comparisons of "hey what is Icarus's sun" cause I think it's many things- not even just Fable, though in some ways it could be the sun for Icarus. The thing causing them to fall, but he's always more Daedalus coded consistently.

Icarus's sun and Icarus's ocean I feel are two very similar things. The whole the sun is what causes Icarus to drown in the first place idea, is basically what I'm getting at.

I say many words but to try to shorten it, Icarus's sun is their fathers words, the idea they were something more than they were (something *better*). Their sun was just a touch of praise and validation (something they had been starved of for so so long). At the time, with fable, it may have still been out of reach for them. But, it was attainable. And that's all that matters to Icarus, isn't it?

Basically, their sun is the idea they can fix their mistakes. The idea that they could do something right for once. The thought that they could fix their relationships with the people they cared about (who they repeatedly pushed away for a taste of sunlight)

But, that sun isn't really the sun. it was the water that swallowed them whole as they fell deeper and deeper into what they deemed as trying to fix things. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't, they couldn't quite tell anymore. Their ocean was the thoughts that came with flying, the thoughts that drowned them in their own mind. (The thoughts that told them they were doing the right thing. Their lungs filling with salt as the things around them told them this wasn't right, told them that he was wrong.)

The water was the trust they would tell themself Fable earned. (Maybe it was wrongly placed- but who else could Icarus have believed they could place that same trust on then) That's my whole "Icarus falls for a taste of the sun, but they chose the wrong sun to believe in" idea.

So that's the sun and the water blah blah blah /lh I'm yapping too much. I say "I try to shorten it” and then yap for an hour/silly

Now to the moon symbolism. So- Rae is alwyas moon and stars coded. As it goes- void prince my beloved.

Centross I say is moon coded personally. In my heart.

So, the moon symbolism I know of and think of off the top of my head are Cycles, immortality/eternity, the soul, enlightenment but also like dark side of the moon shit. But we go with the hey it's she who guides my way through the darkest of nights type stuff-yknow. With a quick google search and clicking on the first page that came up it's all I said before also can be like realm between conscious and unconscious, capacity for reflection and adaptation, decline of life and sleep. Which- some of those are namely Icarus coded but. Yknow.

Now, Rae and Cen are Icarus's moon because they're the things guiding them. Keeping them together. Helping control the tides and the storms within them. The moon reflects the suns light in the middle of the night- helping people see. They're trying to get Icarus to see what fables actual motive is.

See the moon never stays the same. It's always changing. And that's not a bad thing. They were trying to help Icarus learn that- yet they do what they do and pick something that they've picked before (the repetitive cycle continues) and pick Fable over other people. He's not consistent, yet they don't *really* remember that. But he doesn't change. He's predictable even if just in tone and inflection, but also action. And looks and. A lot of things about Fable stay the same. Have *stayed* the same since their childhood, no matter what they do or don't remember they can grasp that.

Rae or Centross would always try to catch them. They've shown it in the past with actions and words and they've shown it at that time with fable when Rae would still try to check in on their brother and Centross would get Icarus out of their house before his death, and show up to them/check in on them after. They're there, and they try. Fable doesn't, and that's the difference.

Rae and Centross would not let Icarus go until it was life or death. Fable, was fully going to kill Icarus for power. If that's not immediately letting them fall, then I don't know what is.

This is all a stretch but. Shaking it. I'm so normal. Arararah.

Thank you for reading my silly worbs come back later for more silly and more words :3

[fairytale-poll]

ROUND 1B, MATCH 6 OUT OF 8!

Propaganda Under the Cut:

Sayaka:

It's a clever play on the story where, rather than the littlest becoming human for love and a soul, instead she becomes a mermaid after loosing both, even gaining the bittersweet ending of having a chance at heaven but she still needs to do good after death

i was surprised to learn that sayaka's story is based on the little mermaid, but it makes more sense the more i think about it. such a heartbreaking, tragic tale that i get emotional ocer every time.

A lot of Madoka Magica fans believe she is based off of the original Little Mermaid story cuz, just like the original Little Mermaid, Sayaka loved a boy and said boy did not reciprocate. SPOILERS, she makes a contract with Kyubey to become a magical girl and in return her wish was to help Kyosuke (the guy she likes) who was disabled. Later on when she becomes a witch cuz she felt she wasn't good enough for Kyosuke and doesn't tell him about her feelings, her witch form is a mermaid. I suck at explaining but I hope my propaganda helps 🙏

(Major spoilers for madoka magical)Okay so I will admit her allusion to the little mermaid ain't super obvious, but let me explain, she is based on the original story for the little mermaid, she makes a wish for the sake of a boy she loves basically sacrificing her soul, well he ends up in love with another girl, and as a result she ends up going on a downward spiral and transforms into a monster known as a witch, her witch form is a mermaid.

Even though she's not a mermaid outside her witch form, her story is made to be a direct parallel to the self-sacrificial nature of the little mermaid, even letting herself die. This isn't the end tho because in one of the happier endings of the little mermaid she still becomes sea foam/dies but she also has a chance at becoming a sea spirit and helps others, this is very similar to Sayaka's final fate in the anime where after Madoka rewrites the universe Sayaka still gets corrupted/dies but instead of becoming a witch, she becomes apart of the law of cycles and helps Madoka save other magical girls. There are way to many similarities to her story and the little mermaid for it to just be coincidence imo.

Poor girl is stuck in a craptastic world where horrible monsters kill you, the only way to fight back is to become a zombie child soldier killing what remains of your own kind for survival, the wish you made will inevitably blow up in your face because the person granting it is a jackass, and the writer is hellbent on shitting on the girl power ethos of the magical girl genre by making it so that girls suffer and die for trying to achieve reasonable desires like "not starving to death" and attaining agency in their lives dooms you even harder because of womanly emotions. She needs a win. Also, she is explicitly paralleled with The Little Mermaid--she is a tragic figure who makes a deal to help the boy she loves in exchange for putting her life on a ticking clock, only to be passed up in favor of another girl. As a result, she dies and becomes something else--in this case, Oktavia von Seckendorff, "the mermaid witch."

Ponyo:

determined 5yo girls are more powerful than god

PONYO!!!!

As a child i did not even realize this was a little merm adaptation, but it really reads. She is sooo strange and other worldly and the movie absolutely captures that dreamlike fairy tale vibe

Ponyo a roughly five-year-old magical goldfish who can transform into a frog-type thing and a human girl. She's the eldest daughter of the literal goddess of the sea and a former human sailor given immortality. She falls in love with the five-year-old boy who cares for her and is thrilled to explore his ordinary yet magical world. She's bouncy, exuberant, and joyful. She loves ham. She doesn't have to give up her voice.

ponyo ponyo ponyo little fishie in the sea!

Little fishy

THEY LOVE HAM

[bobohu4eva]

Good to You - Part 5

Characters: Idol!Baekhyun x Reader

Genre: Maid AU, fluff, smut

Warnings for this chapter: Explicit unprotected sex

WC: 4.1k

Tag List: @scentlacigarette @ltamiee @listxn

A/N: Last part y'all! (unless I decide it needs an epilogue lol)

Masterlist

The bliss of laying there together was rudely uninterrupted by his alarm, and you both groaned at the shrill sound. He quickly turned it off, and sat up, pulling you up out of bed with him. Once standing, his hand brought your face to his one more time, kissing you with a gentleness very different from the rough passion he’d shown you only minutes earlier. He pulled away too quickly, smiling again and then he finally started getting his clothes on for the day. 

You too started getting ready, and when you stepped in front of the bathroom mirror you groaned at the state he’d left your neck and chest in. In the past he’d left small marks here and there that were easy enough to cover with clothing or makeup, but this time, he’d left you with large purple splotches reaching from your chest, all the way up to your jaw. There was no way you’d be able to cover that, and it would surely stick around for days. 

“What is it?” He must've heard your reaction, and a second later he was standing next to you. 

His eyes widened when he saw the purple marks covering so much of your neck and chest, but he also had to fight back a smile. 

“Oh shit.” He let out quietly, now shamelessly grinning. 

“It's not funny! It'll be days till they're gone, what if someone sees me leaving here and gets the wrong idea?” 

His smile vanished, falling into a look of disappointment. You could see how fast his heart dropped. 

“The wrong idea? You still want to keep denying it, even now?” It came out sounding pained, confused.

“Denying what?” You knew you were playing dumb at this point, but you felt the confrontation you’d tried so hard to avoid coming at you now at full force. 

He sighed, running one hand through his hair. The inner turmoil was clear on his face, eyes squeezing shut for a moment before finally meeting yours again. 

“Really, y/n? We have sex, we sleep in the same bed, you let me kiss you and cum inside you but you still think people might get the ‘wrong idea?’” 

He was tired, defeated. You couldn’t remember ever seeing him look this upset.

 “That’s not what I meant.” 

“Then tell me what’s going on here, please, we can't just keep ignoring everything.”

You could see it clearly in his eyes, he was pleading with you, he needed you to give him some kind of confirmation, before he broke down completely. 

But you couldn’t, and he knew that, the desperate way you looked at him told him enough. You were begging him not to take this conversation where you both knew it was headed. He didn’t want to force you to talk about something you weren’t ready to talk about, but his own frustration was becoming too much. If you weren’t going to be the one to finally address it, he would. It had been too much, for too long, and he had to get it off his chest. Now that the last barriers had fallen, barriers meant to convince you both that it wasn't ‘real’, he knew he couldn’t keep acting like this was all normal and fine. 

“I care about you, a lot, and I know you care about me too, and not just because you work for me. We both know we like each other too much and not talking about it is making me feel like i'm losing my fucking mind” 

The way your lip quivered broke his heart even more. You didn’t have it in you to acknowledge it, you’d been pushing it away for too long, but now you had to, he left you no choice. He had a right to know, you knew it was cruel to do all of this with him without ever talking about what it meant. But that was the only way you’d been able to stay sane, by denying to yourself that he really liked you, or was attainable in any real way. Having him was impossible in your eyes, and you didn’t deserve it anyway, so you lied to yourself, until you were so deep in denial that his sudden admission made you go mute.

“Please, y/n. Just tell me that I’m not crazy, tell me you care about me the same way I care about you.” 

You couldn't stay quiet when he looked at you like that, imploring you to give him even the smallest semblance of hope that you might finally validate the undeniable feelings you two shared for each other. But the words were still too hard to form, and the tears came before you could form a proper sentence. 

You choked on the first sob, but eventually forced it out. “You’re right” 

The intensity of your crying made it clear to him that you weren't able to say any more, so he just wrapped his arms around you, letting your tears stain his shirt as he reassured you that everything was okay, that the two of you would figure it out. 

When even after a few minutes your tears showed no signs of slowing down, he started to talk again, saying everything he'd wanted to for so many months, finally admitting everything to you. 

“Contacting that company, and them sending you here that day, is the best thing that's happened to me in a really long time. You know you're so much more to me than a housekeeper, and I know I'm not just your boss either. I want you, I don't want you to work for me, I want you to live here and sleep in my bed and have sex with me because there's something real between us and not because I pay you, and you know that. I told you how I feel about you a while ago already, and I know it's asking too much and I could never be a good enough lover to you anyway, but that's what I want. I just want you to be mine.”

His words hit you like a tsunami after all of the months of denial, confirming both your wildest dreams but also greatest fear. The tears had finally slowed down a bit by the time he'd finished his confession, but words were still too difficult. When you were able to pull back enough to meet his eyes, all you could think to do was kiss him. 

“I'm sorry if that was too much, you don't have to say anything, if you aren't ready.” He said when your lips eventually parted. 

You shook your head, and after a few deep breaths, finally gathered the strength to speak again. “I've been lying to myself so much, I really didn't want to believe that someone like you could fall for someone like me, you're way too good for me, I don't deserve you at all.” 

“Whoa, what? Why would you think that?” Of all the reasons to deny what had been going on, he'd never once even considered that. The confused look on his face tugged at your heartstrings.

“I'm just some girl who showed up to help clean one day, and then never really left. But you, I mean, there's a reason millions of people love you so much. You could have anyone you want, and I'm just me.” 

Despite having the strength to talk again, you were still crying. The way you looked at him when you said it had a lump forming in his chest. Baekhyun had kept the tears at bay so far, but now, he too felt them spill over. 

You could feel his tears wetting your forehead as he held you again, your words bringing on an onslaught of emotions, none being good. To him, hearing you speak of yourself so negatively was gut wrenching. 

“You're so fucking wrong, I wish you could see yourself through my eyes, even if it's just for a little while, if anything, it's me who doesn't deserve you. I'll never be able to take you out to a movie, or a nice dinner, or even just a fucking walk down the street, you constantly have to worry about crazy people seeing you come in or out of here, my work schedule is an insane mess, I’m only ever going to make your life harder than it has to be, you deserve so much better than that.” 

You shook your head as best you could while buried in his chest. “You're crazy.” 

“I'm not crazy, I just love you.” 

Both of you tensed up, he hadn't meant to let it slip so soon, but taking it back wasn't an option, he knew he meant it. 

“You.. love me?” That one word stole your breath and left you wide eyed, staring up at him. 

“I- I didn't mean to tell you so soon, and you don't have to say anything back, but yeah. I love you.”  This time, those three words were barely above a whisper.

Both hands reached for his face, resting on his red cheeks, swollen from crying, as you took him in. He wouldn't meet your eyes, too embarrassed by his slip up, and too worried that you wouldn't say it back. 

“Baekhyun?” You needed him to look at you, and finally, he did. “I love you too.” 

The way he perked up at those simple words was devastatingly cute. “Really?” 

You nodded, smiling, and he just looked so happy in that moment, you wished you could burn it into the back of your brain for eternity. 

Once again, all you could think to do was kiss each other even more, in a feeble attempt to make up for lost time. But one question still plagued the back of your mind. 

“What happens now? Being your housekeeper and working for you, it just feels..wrong” 

He thought for a second, and then a lightbulb seemed to go off in his mind. 

“Marry me.” 

He blurted it out without as much as a second thought, but he didn't take it back. Instead, he started getting down on one knee, and the tears were back, trickling down your face even more urgently than before. 

“I mean it, no more working for me, what's mine is yours, all that, I just want you here with me. Fuck the household stuff I'll do both of our laundry I'll even learn to cook, and you can hold me to that. I don't have a ring but we can go get one, any ring you want I'll buy it, and then we can go to the courthouse. We can worry about everything else later.” 

The look of complete shock still very clear on your face made him swallow, nervous, as he went on.

“Ever since I was a kid I always thought I'd grow up to get married and start a family, but then I debuted and I just kind of learned to deal with the fact that that would never happen. But when I met you, you made it feel like I was finally getting a little taste of that. Whenever I come home and you're here smiling and waiting for me, it just feels so good and right and especially since we started sleeping together it's like that dream I had before debuting is actually possible, just barely out of reach, because you wouldn't let it go quite that far, until this morning. And for a while now, every time I think about that kind of life, coming home to a wife who loves me, maybe a few kids someday, I can only imagine it with you. You're the only one I want that with. You're the one I want to make my wife, if you'll let me.” 

He looked up at you, teary eyed, but hopeful, waiting for your response. 

You nodded, and eventually, a “yes” passed your lips. 

There was a part of you that was screaming to take it back, to say no to him, but deep down, you simply couldn't. You trusted him more than anyone else, and the more it sunk in, really, truly, loved him too. Not only that, but he loved you. Of course marrying so soon was kind of stupid, and everything else was terrifying and uncertain, but if you had him, you knew you'd figure it out. You'd been staying at his place for long enough, you knew him well, and there wasn't a single ounce of doubt within you, that he would be anything less than the best husband a girl could ask for. Baekhyun was the sweetest, loveliest, funniest, warmest person you'd ever met. He felt like home. Of course you would marry him. 

It was almost laughable how dramatic it all was in the moment, but the way you both smiled and laughed while he stood up and kissed you just felt right, and you knew that was where you were supposed to be. 

“I can't believe I asked you that, and I really can't believe you said yes, what the fuck, that's so cool. I love you so much.” 

By now you were smiling so hard it was starting to hurt your face, but you couldn't have cared less. He kept peppering kisses across your face, each one paired with another “I love you”, until he finally pulled away enough to get some air. 

“You're gonna be my wife, my lovely, beautiful, caring, super sexy wife.” 

You could never get sick of his smile, it lit up the room so effortlessly, banishing any negative feelings to hell, making it impossible for you not to smile back. 

“Let's go get a ring.” He said. 

“But don't you have-” 

Fuck. 

You both realized at the same time, that he was already almost an hour late for work, and the ring would have to wait. For a second he considered ditching again, but two days in the row would be hard to forgive. 

Luckily he was already dressed and pretty much ready, so all you said was ‘go’ and another ‘I love you’ before basically pushing him out the door, as he kept his hands on you as long as possible, insisting on one more kiss before he left. 

Now alone, you played it all over again in your head, and again, and it still almost felt too good to be true, but now you knew that it wasn't. There was no more denying it, hell, you were gonna marry him. And you couldn't have been happier about it. 

When Baekhyun finally arrived on set, not even the annoyed faces of the staff and his band mates could bring his mood down. He went right up to his friends and started hugging them, still smiling, as they looked more and more confused.

Junmyeon was the first to speak up. “What took you so long? Where the hell were you yesterday? Why are you so happy? Are you on drugs?” 

Once he'd given everyone a hug, he looked back at their baffled faces, still grinning like an idiot. 

“I'm engaged.” 

“You're what?” Chanyeol was never really the best at keeping quiet in situations like these. 

“I'm serious.” 

“You don't even have a girlfriend?!” 

That was when Sehun connected the dots, eyes going wide before laughing out loud, almost crying from his amusement. “I fucking knew it!” 

The rest of the men still stood there stunned and confused as Baekhyun just stood there with a big silly grin on his face, and Sehun had fallen to the floor from how hard he was laughing. 

“Knew what??” At least two of the others said, almost in unison. 

“He's marrying his maid.” 

They looked at Baekhyun, expecting him to argue such a ridiculous claim, but instead he nodded happily. 

“Is he serious..?” Chanyeol still didn't buy it. 

“She's not working for me anymore now, obviously, that would be super weird, but I asked her to marry me and she said yes!” 

“And you're sure that's a good idea?” 

“Positive.” 

The others were still skeptical, sure, but they hadn't seen their friend look so happy in years, and at the end of the day, that was what mattered. If he thought this was the way to go, they'd support him. 

Luckily the shoot went by quickly and they ended up back on schedule by the end of the day, and Baekhyun had never been more ready to get back home in his life. 

You too had been waiting anxiously for his return, and when he came back on time rather than an hour late as you'd expected you were overjoyed, running to the door and wrapping yourself around him before he even had the chance to close it again. 

“Did someone miss me?” 

“Are you kidding, those were the longest 8 hours of my life.” 

He chuckled, “mine too, baby, mine too.” 

His lips were on yours again in no time, his hands on your thighs keeping your legs wrapped around his waist. Holding onto him like this, he felt so nice and strong, an anchor for you, your biggest source of comfort. You never wanted to let go. His body was warm and firm and his lips tasted like home, so much so that you whined a little when he inevitably pulled away.

“Do you want to go pick out a ring?” His forehead was pressed to your own, still holding you up. 

You pouted, “Wanna stay like this.” 

“Okay my love, whatever you say.” 

He walked you both to the couch, sitting down with you now on his lap. You couldn't get enough, hands feeling up his chest and shoulders, kissing him with greed and urgency, all of which he returned. 

You two had had sex before, of course, but this was nothing like those other times. Just getting to kiss you and touch you without any restrictions made everything so much better, and neither of you had even started getting undressed yet. Just the feeling of having you on his lap straddling him, kissing him and touching him for no other reason than that you wanted to, nearly made him cry with joy. 

“You're gonna kill me, fuck, you're so perfect.” 

“Take me to bed,” you whispered in his ear, and he let out a soft moan before standing up, walking you both to his room. 

You were quickly laid down on the bed, hands impatiently tugging at your clothes until they were mostly gone. 

Baekhyun had always been… orally fixated, to say the least, and he was almost unreasonably excited to finally get his mouth on you the way he's been craving for months. His hands made quick work of your underwear, sliding them off before he placed his face right between your thighs.

“So pretty.” He mumbled, moreso to himself, as he stared at your most intimate area, making you squirm and whine for him to just get on with it. 

Instead, he attached his mouth to your inner thigh, sucking a mark onto the soft skin, before doing the same again, and again.

“You have no idea how many times I've imagined this, how fucking bad I've wanted to do this the last few months.” And then, ever so softly, he pressed his lips to your clit. 

Finally, it seemed, he was done teasing you. His tongue slipped its way between your folds, eagerly licking up your wetness, before enveloping you in his mouth completely. And fuck, was it good. 

Too good, almost. He didn't hold back one bit, devouring you with unmatched enthusiasm, moaning into your pussy unabashedly. Within mere minutes, he had you teetering on the edge, ready to cum in his mouth. Your hands were tugging on his hair, probably a bit too hard, but he was too busy to give a shit. He'd probably let you scalp him if it meant he got to stay between your legs. 

Once he’d figured out what made you whimper and pull his hair the hardest, he didn’t stop, not even when you started to fall. 

The first orgasm was like an electric shock, shaking you physically, mentally, hell, probably even spiritually. As he brought you to that first peak you twitched and writhed, broken up versions of his name falling off your lips along with moans and gasps. 

Once it was over, your thighs tried to close around his head, willing him to give you a break, but his hands just pulled your legs back open. He pushed you through the over sensitivity, straight into the build up of another earth shattering orgasm. 

He didn't want to hear anything coherent from you, and you gave him exactly what he craved. You were a mess, desperate, sweating, completely under his spell. His tongue by itself was enough to have you almost crying, begging for more, so when he pushed two slender fingers into you, you nearly screamed. 

It was too much, his mouth, and now his fingers, pushing in and out as his tongue stayed flicking your clit, sucking it past his lips every now and again to see how crazy he could make you feel. And before you even had time to fully realize where he was taking you, you were cumming again. 

Once again he rode you through it, only  pulling away when the overstimulation made you twitch so intensely you nearly kicked him.

His face, when you could finally see it again, was beaming at you, mouth and chin wet with your arousal. “You taste so fucking good.” 

His smile grew when you made grabby hands at him, and he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand before moving back up your body, his hips now resting between your own. 

You tugged on his clothes, just now realizing how completely dressed he still was while you were only left in your bra. His lips pressed themselves to yours, and his hand snuck behind your back, undoing the clasp until you were fully nude, and finally, he got up to strip himself as well. 

When he was finally between your thighs again, he was naked as you, and you felt his hardness between your legs. 

“Y/n, baby.” The hand that wasn't propping him up was on your face, and the way he was looking at you stole your breath. “I love you, so, so, much.” 

Before you could return his words, his hips were pushing forward, and he was inside you. The whimper you let out was music to his ears, but he needed to hear something else. 

“Look at me.” Your eyes met his. “Say it, tell me you love me.” 

You tried to get the words out, but they got caught in a moan when he started to move, slowly rolling his hips. 

“Fuck, please.” 

His words broke the trance, and finally, you said it. “I love you, Baekhyun.” 

His lips were on yours again, and now, you didn't ever want them to leave. You just needed him close, as close as humanly possible. Your legs wrapped around him, hands on his back pushing him into you, even when your chests were already completely flush. 

You too felt how different it was, having sex, without any holding back, knowing that you loved him and he loved you. With every push into you, a moan fell from your lips, which he swallowed with his own. He somehow felt warmer, heavier, even more irresistible than you could've dreamed of. You wanted to melt into him completely, feel every inch of his body against your own, no matter how impossible that might be. This was heaven, it had to be. 

He was just as affected, so much so, that he felt himself start to lose control far too soon. 

“Fuck, baby, I'm gonna- I can't-” 

You looked at him, his eyes squeezed shut as he tried to hold himself back, but when your hand reached his face he opened them again. 

“I love you.” You told him, again, and that was all it took. A few more thrusts and he let go, taking you with him as he fell. 

You both stayed there, heavy breaths slowly mellowing out as the high faded away. Neither of you wanted to move, but the sweaty stickiness of it all finally had him rolling off of you. 

His arm was slung across his eyes, and he was just smiling so big. 

“I love you.” He said, and then again, and again, like a mantra, until your head rested itself on his chest, and his lips found your forehead. 

His love for you, and your love for him, felt so certain, like something you could almost reach out and touch. It washed over you like a warm blanket, and you layed there, using him as your pillow, with one of his strong arms securing you in place. And just like that, you both drifted to sleep, dreaming of all the wonderful things you'd do together, for many, amazing years to come. 

Fin

[maxdibert]

I doubt James changed that much tho. Sirius said it himself—he only deflated his head a bit. A bit yeah. And stopped hexing other students. Who wasn't Snape. So maybe he matured slightly. But his entitlement, arrogance and skewed sense of nobleness stayed. He still thought he was THE MAN for fighting in a war. I can only see his parents dying having a genuine impact on his personality change. Nothing else much. He only became more tolerable for Lily.

He didn't even have to change much, to be honest, since she was already kind of attracted before. And she had just ended her friendship with Snape. I don’t know; there were a lot of external factors that might have influenced their relationship and the reasons it started. Not because James became a great guy. Maybe Lily was just lonely. Scared because of the war and her muggleborn status. Charmed by James. Impressed by his slight change. Validated by his values too. A few shifts in circumstances can work wonders.

My problem with using Lily as an excuse to show that James changed is that I don't think using women as a moral compass for men is morally acceptable, because it denies women the possibility of being morally questionable, having depth, or being morally gray. It denies them the ability to be people, reducing them to those sanctified figures typical of patriarchal imagery, like the Virgin Mary or Beatrice in The Divine Comedy. Those ethereal beings placed on the highest pedestals who are not human but divine concepts to be attained. And I'm sorry, but I find that incredibly misogynistic. It's putting the responsibility of reintegrating men into society on women, an extension of motherhood that goes beyond children, imposing the task of reforming toxic masculinity as if we don't have enough to deal with with our own issues.

So, sorry, but I don't buy that rhetoric. To believe that a man has changed, it’s not enough for me to know he got a girlfriend and that she’s a good person. I’ve known many amazing women who dated literal pieces of shit. One of my best friends, who is an incredibly capable, efficient woman who’s worked really hard in life, has a boyfriend that none of her friends can stand because he's literally an idiot. And he hasn't stopped being an idiot just because he’s dating someone decent. To believe a character has changed, I need to see it. There must be proof. You have to show me, not tell me, which is the first damn rule of writing. And no one shows me that James Potter changed. All I have is what his friends say, clearly conditioned by being his friends and accomplices in his behavior, and the fact that he married a woman who was supposedly a paragon of morality. But that doesn't prove anything to me; it’s not convincing. It’s not enough.

[saraminia]

Warning this post is just me feeling sorry for myself. I put it under the cut just I case, because I talk about wanting to die.

So funny to realize that I actually don't even want to live anymore. I have truly no interest in living this shit life. Like what's the point? I sometimes get questions about my career goals or just about dreams for the future and I honestly have none. I've really tried to think about what I want from this life, but I just.. I don't even want this life. Like I truly wish I'd just get sick or get into an accident and just died. I'm convinced I wouldn't even be here anymore if it wasn't for my kids. And also my mom who has suffered enough in this life and I don't want to cause more pain for her. I try to look forward to my kids growing up and succeeding in life. I try to look forward to becoming a grandparent in the future. I try to look forward to something. But I'm just so tired. So so so tired. I'm tired of having money trouble. I'm up to my ears in depth. And still I have nothing. I own nothing. And my economic situation is just not going to get any better at least for another ten years. And I will never be able to get out of poverty, not to mention being able to own a house or anything really. And also before I started studying I didn't work for over ten years because of my mental illness which means I'm never going to be able to retire. I just will not be able to afford to. And then there's the loneliness which feels so crushing sometimes. I can't have what I want and I'm not interested in consolation prizes. But god I wish I could fall in love with someone real and attainable. I wish I could dream of sharing my life with someone. I know love can give you a purpose. But I just can't. My heart is not free. And I fucking hate it for real. And I'm so tired of crying. Last night I cried so much in my sleep I woke up with tears streaming down my face. There's very little in this life that gives me true joy anymore. I'm so so so grateful for my pocket friends, because with you I can be completely myself. I can forget my troubles and my empty life for a moment when I talk and laugh with my friends. I'm very much aware that generally being online is not the best for my mental health. I should probably take a step back and take a mental health break and ban myself from anything Noah related especially, but I'm so scared that then I would truly have no joy in my life, because this is where my social life is. This is where my small sources of joy are. This is where some of the people I love the most are. And as much as I suffer from my Noah obsession, as much it gives me those incredibly important glimpses of happiness and excitement and feeling of being alive and my heart beating. And I'm not ready to let that go. In fact the idea scares me. So here I am. Day after day. Yearning and crying and screaming or shit posting or writing shit poetry or just mindlessly reblogging. And so it goes...

[mvrkieboo]

(3/3) THAT IS WHY....... i kinda support tragic sad ending lol. I am IN for a realistic road. I think fiction is a perfect chance to make shit goes up in flames.

Everything stressed me the hell out, but yk after finishing P43 i blowed out the heaviest sigh and thought 'well the worst that could happen is she dies, so if by some miracle she's not then living her life w everyone hating her is not so bad' it's all about ✨perspective✨ everytime i read a chapter i was spiraling then after finishing it i blowed out the breath i was holding and found a 'you know what?' consolation bc i refused to be stressed out.

Yoonsu was hella smart, and the day she chose to be under his mercy was the day she chose a death sentence. And ofc yoonsu is this sticky parasite-like bitch that u just can't easily swat or kill, so i KNOW we're not getting rid of him that easily.

Now i think either everything burns down to the ground first then she can rebuild her happy ending orrr everything burns down to the ground, period (i'm leaning towards one side guess which one 😜).

I love me some catharsis, and easily-attained happy ending just won't do it for me 😌 So I support whatever u want to put me thru. You rarely get a good heart-wrenching stories here and i'm hella grateful for yours.

oof. a tragic sad end. personally, even i don't have the heart to do that. i mean, yeah i enjoy the pain im putting everyone through rn, but i feel like it could become so hopeless that this story would have a tragic end.

because, realistically, do you really think yoonsu's going to execute the murder-suicide sloppily? he really fucking hates y/n so much that he's lost all of his humanity tbh. back then, in his own sick way, he did actually care for y/n. now? he'd make sure she won't ever have a moment of peace, even in her death. once he's had his fun of isolating her from the people she loves, he's going to kill her and commit suicide in an isolated spot, just to really drive the nail that she's always going to be alone with him, even when all that's left of them is their rotting corpse. and the reason why i can explain how this tragic ending is going to be is because this was my initial ending for old bloodhounds.

he kills her and kills himself, and y/n's friends and family are going to report her as a missing person because she's missing her classes and not seen anywhere else anymore. then, a few months after, some poor hiker stumbles upon y/n's and junyoung's corpse.

only then are they going to find out that junyoung wasn't junyoung, but actually cha yoonsu. especially because authorities in gangnam already uncovered the original junyoung's body. dna testing proved that the corpse beside y/n's was yoonsu. then as the authorities investigate this fucked up case, they'd find the messages y/n and yoonsu shared and the blackmail material yoonsu had over her.

as the authorities explain what really happened to y/n, it would dawn on them that they had a hand in making y/n's worst nightmare come true—for the people she loves to abandon her once again when she needed them most.

BUT that's not my ending anyway but if you guys want this ending as a bonus chapter once old bloodhounds end, just tell me okay???? 🥰🥰🥰

[evergreen-femme]

Hey, I'm that bitchy anon from earlier.

I wanted to apologize for how I came across. It wasn't fair to make you feel bad for your progress, or to belittle your accomplishments.

With that in mind though, the progress you've made is simply unattainable for a lot of us. I've been out since 26 as well. You didn't gain a bunch of weight when you went on HRT, or more when you hit 30, and I'm sorry but no amount of hard work can change that for most of us.

I'll absolutely cop to the jealousy accusations. Who wouldn't be? But seeing your post felt a little bit like watching Christy Brinkley back in the 90s going "This too could be you!" when the reality is that No the fuck it Can't.

I have to get over that, but the people falling over themselves to shit-talk me is a good indication of how far being conventionally attractive will go, no matter how much lip service I see to the contrary.

You won't hear from me again, sorry for the essay. I hope your day goes well

so what ur saying is that im some kind of permatwink elfmoder and as a legendary being i shouldn’t put myself forward as an example of an attainable transformation? cool i guess i’m really amazing (✿◠‿◠)

mortals, don't even try to interact or relate to me!

[cod-dump]

SoapGraves: Something Might Be There

(Onesided SoapGhost, mentioned/past RoachGhost)

___

He noticed small things here and there. Lingering stares, and if they brushed fingertips passing something off Graves would take his time pulling away. A pat on the back felt warm, affectionate. Ghost noticed too and when they were alone, he brought it up.

"He's taken a liking to you."

Soap scoffed, "Sure he has."

It was like as soon as Ghost said something, Soap started to notice it more. He swore he caught Graves just daydreaming while he looked at him, just slightly smiling. Soap didn't say anything, he wasn't sure what he would say if he did. Graves was attractive, charming. Much more attainable than Ghost. Whenever he tried to be friendly, Ghost brushed him off. Sure, sometimes he would laugh at his jokes or even make dumb jokes himself, but didn't seem to really mean anything to him.

It was like Ghost, in the beginning, was cold and uncaring. Then he began to open up, started to put down his walls. Then, without warning, the walls came back up. Soap never stopped trying, but it was getting more and more discouraging. One evening, after a mission that went sour (thanks to Soap ignoring a direct order), Soap tried to ease things over with Ghost after getting chewed out by Price.

"How 'bout a drink, yeah?"

"No, I have files to fill out after you botched the mission."

It was such a cold exchange and Ghost shoved past him so harshly that Soap almost lost his footing. Soap knew Ghost was mad, but he didn't think he was that mad. His words had stabbed into Soap's heart. So he decided he would go have that drink... Alone. Soap made his way to the local bar in the town neighboring the base. He saw a few fellow taskforce members and Shadows there, plus some of the locals. Soap found himself a isolated spot at the bar and got himself a drink.

Apparently Gaz was there and noticed him. The man made his way over after excusing himself from the table he sat at.

"Hey, man. You look like you had a rough day. Or should I say week?"

Soap knocks back his drink before asking the bartender for another.

"Week has been shit, but today makes it seem like that was a walk in the park."

Gaz sucks in some air through his teeth before sitting next to him. Soap gets his drink and doesn't waste time downing half of it.

"Slow down! It's not going anywhere."

Soap humorlessly laughs, "Plan on downing as much as I can before I have to go back to the base."

"Shit, what happened?"

"Fucked up on the field. Pissed of Price and Ghost. Especially Ghost. And the good lord and everyone and their mammy knows that Ghost does not let shit go easily."

Gaz winces. He sits there silently and Soap decides to talk. To rant, actually.

"I feel like no matter what I do, if I fuck up or not, Ghost just doesn't care. He pushes me to the side whenever he doesn't have to interact with me, sometimes he doesn't even acknowledge me on the field!"

Gaz has a look on his face that was full of pity. Soap finishes his drink and asks for another.

"God, we were doing so good for a bit. Felt like there might've actually been a connection! Like he was opening up to me! Then in a blink of an eye he's back to acting like- Like-"

Soap groans loudly in frustration before hitting his head on the bar counter. Gaz pats his back, shaking his head.

"I know you like him, but I don't see it going anywhere. He's too hung up on the past to focus on the future."

"Roach died fucking ten years ago!"

Soap winces when he realizes how loud he said that. Gaz glares at the people who stared until they looked away.

"Look, he needs a therapist. That much is certain."

Soap laughs, "Damn straight."

The rest of the night goes by quickly. Soap ended up getting cut off and in his drunken state became royally pissed off. Gaz did his best to herd Soap out of the bar with the help of some buddies but the Scotsman was proving difficult. Right as they got to the door, Soap whipped around and pointed at Gaz.

"I-I'm not going back! I live here now!"

"Johnny-"

"Don't call me that! Don't you dare call me that!"

Gaz stepped back as Soap stepped closer, a fire in his eyes. The bell rings as someone walks in and Soap turns to see Graves. It was surprising to see him considering he almost never went out to drink unless he had something to celebrate. Much like Price.

"Easy, soldier."

Gaz turns to look at the Shadows who had gathered at a couple pushed together tables not long after Soap started to get rowdy. Two of the Shadows pointed at one of them who held up his phone and shrugged. Seems like Soap was at that point where the Shadows thought it was necessary to contact their superior officer. And it did seem necessary.

"How 'bout we go out and get you something to eat, how does that sound?"

Gaz was almost surprised to see Soap visibly calming down in Graves' presence. Graves looks to Gaz and the others and waves them off in a "Everything is under control" manner before turning back to Soap. Soap was swaying in place, and if a strong breeze were to flow by, he might tip over. Over a long silence, Soap nods. Graves wraps a arm around the man's soldiers and leads him out of the bar.

Soap was practically leaning his full weight against Graves as they walked down the street. They went to a Mexican restaurant and Graves got Soap some tacos. They sat at one of the outside tables, Graves figuring the cool night air would help Soap sober up. Though he doubted that he would be sober at any point in the near future.

"How's the tacos?"

"Fucking delicious," said Soap, mouth half full.

Graves takes a tip of his drink as Soap eats. Once he got to his third taco, he spoke.

"Did you drive to town?"

"Walked."

"Ah. Well, I don't see you walking back. How about I give you a lift."

Soap starts to laugh loudly, "I'm not that easy!"

Graves snorts at the combination of Soap's thickened accent and the slur in his voice.

"Not like that, Soap."

"Nuh uh. So is!" Soap leans close like he's trying to tell Graves a secret, "I see how you look at me."

Graves flushes and Soap laughs again. He then winks, "I don't mind. You can look all you want."

Graves shakes his head as Soap finishes his tacos. Graves helps Soap stand who found it hard to get out of the chair, "C'mon, let's get you back to base and in bed."

"Wow! You can't wait, can you?"

Graves seems to ignore him and leads him up the street to where his car is parked.

"Y'know, maybe I will be easy. Just this once."

Graves keeps quiet as he let's Soap ramble. At first it was very, very bad and corny pick up lines. But it turned into Soap just talking about whatever came to mind. The night sky to the cracks in the sidewalk. When they got to Graves' car Soap pointed at Graves, his finger inches from the American's nose.

"You're drunk! I'll drive!"

"Sure, fat chance."

After several minutes of struggling to wrangle Soap, Graves manages to get him in the car, Soap finally gives and sits. As Graves reached over him to buckle him in, Soap gropes his bicep and whistles.

"When we get married, you're carrying me down the aisle."

Graves mutters to himself, "Lord give me strength."

"Think he already did."

The drive to the base seemed impossibly long considering they had to stop several times for Graves to get Soap in the seat after he took his seat belt off. When they finally got to base and were walking in, Soap stopped and grabbed Graves by his shoulders.

"Let's go on a date."

Graves shakes his head, a fond look on his face, "Try asking me that again when you're sober."

Soap stares at Gravea before he twirls in place. After spinning three times and almost falling, he stops and turns to Graves.

"I'm sober now! How about a date?"

"Soap, you're still drunk."

Soap frowns, "Oh..."

Graves laughs and puts a arm on Soap's shoulders, "C'mon, time for bed."

It was safe to say that they did not make it to the barracks with Soap's dignity in tack. Graves felt bad for him as he managed to get to Soap's room finally. He had to take Soap's shoes off and force him to lay down in bed. Soap kept insisting that he wasn't tired, but as soon as his head hit the pillow, he was out. And when he woke with his head pounding and a sense of dread, he knew he acted like an idiot the previous night.

He tried to piece together what all had happened the night before but after his fifth drink everything went black. He remembered Gaz being there so he decided to go talk to him about what happened. It took him a minute to find him considering his phone was dead, but he eventually found him in the gym. Gaz noticed him quickly and walked over to him.

"Hey man, how you feel?"

"Like shit. Listen, I do not remember shit about last night. Do you know if I did anything stupid?"

A Shadow laughs loudly, "Did you do anything stupid?"

Soap turns and Gaz glares, "I got this, Rico. Go mind your own business."

The Shadow holds his hands up and leaves them be while snickering. Soap turns back to Gaz, "What happened?!"

"Well, you had a bit too much and, um, started to get a bit much to handle so, uh, someone called Graves to come get you. That happened after you made several comments about Ghost being um... Actually, I didn't really understand what you were saying."

Soap's eyes widen, "No..."

"Yea..."

"Oh god... What else happened?"

"Don't know. After Graves got you no one knows what happened except when he took you to your room. Farah said you were singing. Quite horribly, might I add."

Soap covers his face, "I was an ass to Graves, I just know it."

"Most likely."

Soap groans. Something tells him his actions from last night were going to bite him in the ass.

[horrorknife]

brokeback mountain still fucking me up almost 12 hours later. i cant stop thinking about it. ennis and his quiet sad cowboy life...he only wanted to survive but he wasn't really living his life, not the way he should have or wanted to. all because he was so traumatized by the murder of a gay man that he was forced to See the aftermath of. and it makes sense, of course it does. but jack wants to Live, not survive, and he wants to be true to himself enough to have a daily life with the man he loves.

ennis survives until the end because that's all he's doing. he hides himself, burrows so deep into the closet that he decides a life with jack isn't ever attainable. but jack wants to fight for it! he wants to share the closet with ennis, but ennis is too scared to even open the door.

i kept thinking, too, about how jack was more "visibly" queer than ennis was despite never publicly saying or doing anything. aguirre is openly homophobic to jack because he saw the two of them fucking around. but when he goes to texas to rodeo, it just seems like there's this underlying vibe of everyone around him Knowing he's gay. he's treated badly at the bar and we're led to believe it's because he got bucked off earlier that night, but the vibe is. Weird. the way people look at him doesn't feel right. jack's parents also seem to know what's going on if there's anything to be said about their weird behavior at the very end of the movie and his father's absolute refusal to let his ashes get spread at brokeback + how cold he is to ennis.

another interesting thing to me was that ennis doesn't open up to anyone except jack. he's quiet and straightforward but he's open with jack in a way he isn't with anyone else, not even alma (during their marriage) or his daughters. it seems like he can only be honest with Himself if it involves jack. but jack keeps everything close to his chest and really doesn't ever come out and tell ennis very much. he lies about aguirre being homophobic to him and he never tells him about the other gay guy he met. he's not open about parts of his childhood like ennis is. he's a self-contained world.

the irony of all of this, of course, is that ennis' survival method spawned from the murder of a gay man does allow him to survive while jack is brutally beaten to death for being gay. i'm just so obsessed with all of it. i know "i wish i knew how to quit you" is meme-ified to hell and back but it's such a crazy fucking line. you get it instantly. if you've ever been in any kind of situationship like that you Know what it means and how it feels. fuuuuck man. there's a lot more i could say but this is probably pretty disorganized already i just had a lot of thoughts and shit to say. tbh i have a lot More to say but this post is already long lol

[pennysylvester]

i can't be everything to everyone, who do you talk to when you can't talk to no one ➝ solo.

TAGGING ➝ Penny Sylvester, with mentions of Logan Clarington (@paramediclogan), Patrick Flanagan (@patrick-flanagan), Alex Washington (@alex-washington-rackets) & Emmy Corcoran (@emmycorcoran).

LOCATION ➝ Penny and Logan's living room.

TIME FRAME ➝ 10/25, early afternoon (but starts out with mentions of the night before).

WARNINGS ➝ Just a lot of angst, mentions of cheating, I guess a scared dog?

SUMMARY ➝ Penny has been on the verge of a breakdown for years, and she finally allows herself to do it.

Penny had gotten home late last night, traces of her tryst lingering deeper than just her skin. The house was silent, dark, its calmness broken only by the running shower water as Penny stood beneath it, letting it wash away what should never have been there in the first place. She'd towel dried her hair, then slipped quietly into bed beside her husband, eyes growing misty as she watched how peacefully he slept. The salty tear to roll down her temple, wet her ear and soak her pillow wasn't fuelled by guilt or sadness, and maybe that was the problem: she didn't feel guilty at all.

Running into Patrick in the bar had been a blessing. She hadn't sought him out, he'd just...happened. Materalized when she'd needed someone, anyone to take her mind off of the shit storm brewing inside. This life with Logan, she'd resigned herself to it, accepted that this was it, she didn't have to be happy. She could find fulfilment in other areas; her passion for her job, her devotion to her family, her need to be everything to everyone... And maybe that was the problem, too. She was only one person, stretched entirely too thin already, but Penny had never been a quitter, so she wasn't going to start now.

Having her cake and eating it too... it wasn't okay. But somehow, it was. She wasn't happy at home, she knew Logan wasn't, so maybe they could both just continue to do this dance, put up this facade of the loving, happy husband and wife, then get their true happiness on the side, just like Penny had last night, or last year with Alex. But sex wasn't happiness—sure, it quelled her need for affection some, but it wasn't real affection. It was attention, and while Penny craved that too, it wasn't the crux of what she really wanted. Only one person could give her that, and the more Penny did this, the more she danced with Logan and fumbled beneath sheets that weren't her own, the looser her grip became on the only person that actually mattered.

Emmy wasn't the only one to have expected a reunion at some point; Penny had, too. But then she'd met Logan, she'd gotten swept up in the idea of the fairytale life, the most attainable option. She didn't have to work for Logan; Logan couldn't hurt her and she couldn't hurt him, because he didn't love her and she didn't love him, not really. They loved the idea of each other, of that fantasy come to life, and somewhere deep down, Penny always knew it would be temporary. She'd live out that temporary high, then she'd come home and Emmy would be waiting for her.

But Emmy wasn't a fantasy; Emmy was real. She was a person with hopes and fears and feelings, and while Penny knew on some level that she'd screwed up her second chance with her a while ago, it had taken up until their conversation in her office to shatter that final glimmer of hope. Emmy hated her. She hated her. And they were done, Emmy said they were done and whatever they'd once had was over, and maybe Penny didn't know how to accept that, but she was trying. She was trying so hard, searching for that affection she craved in any place she could find it, and without even trying, she was leaving destruction in her path.

Alex.

His baby.

Logan.

His time.

Emmy... her life. Emmy was glass, the most precious, fragile kind, and she cracked and shattered in Penny's hand until she, and the illusion of the two of them together, turned to sparkling dust.

Everything in Penny's path turned to dust, and she'd done all she could to ignore it, to distract her mind with work or parenting her adult siblings, or climbing into the bed of a stranger she'd met in a dimly lit dive bar. It wasn't until now, when she sat in her living room with puffy eyes and the house cloaked in silence, the sleeves of her sweater pulled down over her hands to grip tightly in her fingers, that she really let herself see it. Her lip quivered, her eyes glazed with an overflowing pool of salty tears, her body filled with self-hatred.

And Penny finally broke down.

The new vase, the one she'd bought just yesterday to replace the one lost to the earthquake, took the brunt of her downfall. Penny cried and gripped her hands until her palms were decorated with deep crescent moons from her nails. She didn't just cry, she sobbed. Loud, heartbroken, ugly sobs, her sadness turning to anger, then to frustration, and Penny stood and grabbed the closest thing to her, the vase, and watched as it hurtled towards the wall, smashing into small, shiny shards that scattered on the floor.

It wasn't the sound of shattering that brought her back to her senses, but a terrified cry, and Penny turned to see Zoe backing up into the kitchen.

"No." Penny shook her head, guilt washing over her. Zoe was Logan's dog, Penny barely even liked the thing, but she found herself lowering to her level now, kneeling before her and dying inside as she watched her shake. "I'm sorry," Penny sobbed, trying to motion the dog closer, but she only backed up further. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to do that. I didn't mean to scare you."

A knock on the door caught both of their attention, but rather than running to see who it was like she usually would, Zoe only continued to whine. Penny was in no state for company, but the knocking persisted, and Penny, everything to everyone, began to run scenarios through her head. What if it was one of her siblings, what if something had happened and they needed her? It was that thought and that thought alone that pulled her from her knees, and had her frantically wiping at her watery, red, puffy eyes as she headed for the door.

"I'll be right back, okay?" She said to a still cowering Zoe. "I'm so sorry, Zo."

In the grand scheme of things, apologizing to the dog was the least of her worries.

[wee-chlo]

Been hyperfixating on Hazbin Hotel lately and I wasn't hip to all the lore and shit from years ago; I vaguely remember being being mad about the pilot but I don't remember specifics. But that trailer is dope and here's my theories; the more knowledgeable who know factoids can correct me. I watch Helluva Boss out of the corner of my eye and it seems like they're in the same universe so I'll be drawing on that too.

The vibe I'm getting is that Hell is structured in not just the rings of Hell, each ruled by the respectful Deadly Sins, and not just in terms of Imps, Demon Princes, etc., but also in terms of those creatures born of Hell and the damned who end up there.

People like Vag, Angel, Alastor, etc. are the Damned. They were once human, they died, they were cast into Hell for any number of reasons. People like Charlie, Stolas, Lucifer, Blitz and Moxie are all Infernal.

The Purge only effects the Damned. The lords and ladies of Hell, the princes and princesses, even the Imps who are the lowest cast of infernal folk, are not targeted.

Damned like Alastor may attain levels of power that protect them from the Purge, but not because they're off-limits officially. They're just too powerful to justify attacking. Alastor could kill off dozens of angels and the exchange is what? One demon?

Meanwhile, the majority of the Damned aren't juggernauts of infernal wrath. They're not dealmakers. They're just... people. They can't fight, they can't really defend themselves any more than the average human could. So the angels focus on them, and the powerful Damned let it happen because why ruin a perfectly good status quo?

Charlie is not in danger from the Purge; her position as a Princess of Hell protects her from that. But she takes it upon herself to not just try and fix this overpopulation problem but also, eventually, stand up for the Damned who are powerless to stop the angels slaughtering them en mass.

She tries to do it through official means, polite means. Talking to the angels, working within the system. But eventually it becomes clear that it just won't work.

Given that her father is a fallen angel, literally Lucifer Morningstar, I wonder if her journey won't mirror his in some way. Depends on how they write him, I suppose.

So ultimately, she decides that official, polite, "legal" means of fixing the problem won't do, because officials within that system don't want it to work. So she opts instead to rally the Damned to fight back, not just the lowly folk with no powers to speak of but powerful dealmakers like Alastor. And eventually, it works. But then she's caught in the crossfire of the Purge, perhaps locked into a section of the ring of Hell where the Damned live and are forced to remain for the duration of the Purge.

That's my prediction, anyway.