#was inspired at 2am. this took me longer than it should have lol | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

karajaynetoday · 4 years ago

Text

clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose | ashton irwin

image source

hello friends! yes it is after 2am in my timezone, OOPS. But the inspiration struck, and the writing gods blessed me with motivation and words, so here’s part 3 of charlie rose, ten fingers, ten toes. apologies for any typos, i’m a lil delirious right now. Thank you so much to everyone for their lovely feedback and shares with the previous parts. Also shout out to any Friday Night Lights fans who got a lil kick out of the title of this one lol. Enjoy!

Read Part 1 here | Read Part 2 here

Word count: 4.1k

Warnings: none

(This is a fem reader insert)

More writing here | send thoughts/feedback/suggestions here | if you’d like to be on my taglist go here

After your quiet moment of togetherness on the beach that evening, you felt more comfortable around Ashton than ever before. Previously small touches were held for longer; instead of accidentally waking up in each other’s arms, you purposefully went to sleep that way; and Ashton’s hand slipped into yours whenever he could manage it.

Charlie Rose still crept into your bedroom every morning for her favourite snuggles, and then she began joining her Uncle Ashton out on the deck for some morning yoga every day as well (which was possibly the cutest thing you had EVER seen). Charlie tried her best to follow all of his poses and stay as quiet as she could, but her favourite part was when the yoga was over and Uncle Ashton used her as a body weight for his push-ups and bench presses, bopping her nose between each rep and earning a giggle in response. Again, a contender for the cutest thing you’d ever seen.

You spent your days on the beach or relaxing in the villa, and your nights eating out and then stargazing on the deck. You were getting far too used to paradise, and you had to keep reminding yourself that the holiday would soon come to an end. You noticed Ash spending more and more time looking at emails on his phone as your time in Maui progressed, and it started you thinking about how busy his life was about to become. Tour was kicking off a few weeks after you were due to return from Hawaii, which meant Ashton would be criss-crossing all over the US for a few months, before a short break and then heading to Europe and eventually Australia.

As you watched him build yet another sandcastle with Charlie on a lazy afternoon, you realised just how much effort Ash was putting into spending time with Charlie and making memories with her. Of course, you’d had a lot of Charlie Rose quality time as well, and spent some nice one-on-one time with Alice that you hadn’t really had since Charlie had arrived (naturally, Alice had tried her best to pry information from you about exactly what was going on between you and Ashton, but you didn’t quite know yourself yet, so you’d brushed it off the best you could). But Ashton had barely gone a few weeks without seeing Charlie her entire life, and especially now that she was a little bit older, she was definitely going to know that he was away, and you weren’t quite sure how she’d take it. You also weren’t sure how you’d take it, either.

Your mind was running into overdrive with increasing anxieties, and you just didn’t know how to voice any of them. On your final night in Maui, after another incredible beachside dinner and a trip to get Charlie’s favourite ice cream, you were folding clothes from the dresser into your suitcase quietly while Ashton was in the shower. You know you needed to talk to him about how you were feeling, but not quite knowing what that even was was driving you up the wall. You hated the overbearing sense of uncertainty. Did Ashton even want something more than a holiday romance from you? You’d only kissed again a handful of times, and despite increasing tension between you, the only thing happening beneath the sheets of your shared bed was some very wholesome spooning (not that you were complaining). Was more-than-friends even on the table? Did you want it to be on the table? Could you handle months of Ashton being away on tour, and the critical eye of his fans and the media? Were you reading into everything too much? Oh god, why were you like this?

You were snapped out of your trainwreck of thoughts by the bathroom door opening, and in your peripheral vision you saw Ashton step out with a fluffy white towel wrapped around his hips. You busied yourself with folding more clothes, but your hands faltered as you felt Ashton come closer, and you sucked in a breath when he slipped his arms around your waist and pulled your back against his bare chest.

“Why are you packing already, darlin’? We’ve still got the whole night to enjoy.” Ash whispered against your ear, before pressing soft kisses down one side of your neck. You closed your eyes for a moment, enjoying the sensation, before all of the anxiety you’d been grappling with came flooding back into your mind and without meaning to, your entire body tensed up. Ashton immediately sensed the change in your demeanour, and stopped what he was doing. He let go of your hips, and gently tilted your head to face him.

“What’s on your mind?” He tried gently, knowing that you hated confrontation (Ashton’s love for it was a huge part of what intimidated you in your first few interactions all those years ago).

You sighed, before turning around to face him completely as you perched on the edge of the bed. Ashton sat down next to down, and loosely linked his hand with yours.

“What… what are we, Ash?” You whispered, not wanting to meet his gaze as your heart started beating faster and faster.

“What do you want us to be?” Ashton countered, squeezing your hand softly.

“I want…” You trailed off, closing your eyes and inhaling deeply. “I want us to be as close as we are, always. I want to have you by my side, while we get to be Charlie’s godparents and watch her grow up and support her achieving her dreams. I want everything we’ve had in Maui, and I want more, but I just… I don’t know how this all works, once we’re back in LA and I’m stuck working a 9-5 while you’re touring the world meeting incredible, probably attractive people, and then I started thinking about what would happen with Charlie if we didn’t work out and I… I don’t know how to make this work. “ Oh god, you were rambling now, but every anxiety that had crossed your mind in the last few days was tumbling out and you couldn’t stop it now.

Ash waited for you to stop talking, and took your other hand in his.

“That’s all valid, babe. I don’t know how this works either. I’ve had relationships while I’ve been on the road before, sure, but this is different. Because it’s us. You… You mean more to me than anyone else, but I know it’s scary. For both of us.” Ashton said softly, raising your hands to his face and kissing them.

“Charlie’s going to be important to both of us for the rest of our lives. We’re going to be there for her, like you said, and that means we’re also unavoidably going to be around each other. If we date and it doesn’t work out, we can’t let that get between us being the best godparents Charlie Rose could ever have, because I know we both love that little girl more than anything… but, I also don’t want to let the fear of us not working out hold us back from even trying, you know?”

Damn it. Why did he always have to be so wise? A wordsmith, of sorts.

“I know, Ash. I know it shouldn��t hold me back, and I’ve let fear hold me back from a lot of things, too many things…” You paused, as your mind flashed back to the last time you had a serious conversation about a relationship with someone. Someone who’d ripped your heart out and stomped on it several times over. You shook your head, trying to shake away the memories.

“But I don’t want you to think that I don’t want to give us a chance. I do. But I’m a little out of practice at this, and the last time I tried, it didn’t go so well.” You grimaced, as the flashbacks continued no matter how hard you tried to block them out.

“And I respect that you’re going to need time to feel comfortable with whatever this is. I can’t promise to wait forever, but I can tell you that right now I’ll give this a chance, if you’ll let me.” Ashton spoke firmly, ducking down to meet your eyes.

“Okay. But slowly, right?” You looked at Ash properly for the first time all night, and his hazel eyes gazed back at you steadily, with a glint of excitement at your agreement.

“Slowly. I will cancel the romantic beachside dinner with a string quartet, and put a hold on asking you to move in the minute we land at LAX.” Ashton said solemnly, before cracking a grin at what must’ve been a slightly panicked expression on your face.

“I’m kidding, you dork. We’ll take it slow. I’m going to be gone for a while anyway, so we’ll have to kind of take it slow thanks to circumstance anyway. But you’ve got to let me take you out a few times before then, deal?” Ashton stuck his hand out, and you shook it, rolling your eyes at his antics.

“Pleasure doing business with you. Now then, I should probably put some pants on…” Ashton murmured, looking around the room for his clothes and getting up from the bed to pull some shorts out of his suitcase by the door. You were, quite frankly, ogling his toned back and shoulder muscles, when a knock at the door snapped you back to reality.

“Charlie wants both of you to come read her bedtime story, please!” Alice’s voice sounded through the door, sounding tired and a little on edge. For a tiny human, Charlie sure knew how to make a big performance out of bedtime. Ashton finished getting dressed, and he tugged your hand into his as you made your way over to Alice and James’s room where Charlie was snuggled into her cot. Tonight’s book of choice was from the Little Feminist collection you’d bought Charlie when she was a baby, and you read all about Malala, and Ruth, and Frida, and Rosa, until her little eyes closed and her breathing steadied. You and Ashton took turns to lean into the crib and kiss Charlie’s forehead silently, before making your way back to your own bedroom for one last sleep before your scheduled return to Los Angeles.

Leaving Maui felt much harder than arriving - not helped by the tantrum Charlie threw when you explained there was no time for yoga or sandcastles. After James had calmed her down and negotiated one final quick walk on the beach while the rest of you checked out of the hotel, you made your way to the airport and onto the first flight and then the second with ease. You’d learnt your lesson from the previous long-haul flight, and Ashton had downloaded a few more Charlie-friendly apps onto his iPad that she happily engaged with. She barely left Ashton’s side for the whole flight, and you started to wonder if she’d sensed his impending departure on tour. Sure, Charlie was only small, but her emotional intelligence was remarkable (I mean, as her godmother you were maybe a little biased, but maybe you had a child prodigy on your hands, who knows?!) and you weren’t looking forward to seeing them bid each other farewell in a week or so.

You and Alice shared an iPad and watched a few episodes of Friday Night Lights. It was one of your favourite shows that you’d binged watched together one summer, and rewatching it brought you comfort (and a fair dose of fangirling over Tim Riggins, and a recurring debate on whether or not he should’ve ended up with Lyla or Tyra). It was an emotional rollercoaster, and the small town of Dillon in the show reminded you of the one you’d grown up in (albeit a little more Texan, and a bit more enthusiastic about American football specifically). After landing at LAX and disembarking, you made your way to the long term parking garage and helped James and Alice load their luggage and Charlie into their car. You were about to get in yourself, when Ashton cleared his throat behind you.

“Can I give you a lift? You’re just around the corner from me, it’s not out of the way.” Ashton said brightly, pre-empting any excuses that you were about to come out with about you being a bother. You agreed, and he took your suitcase from your hands and led you towards his car that was parked nearby. The car ride home was quiet, and when Ashton pulled into your driveway, you didn’t want to unbuckle your seatbelt and get out of the car. Because that would mean that the magic of vacation was truly over, and you didn’t like that idea at all.

“Come on, slow poke. I’ll help you carry your stuff inside.” Ashton tapped your nose, disrupting your internal dialogue. You reluctantly followed his lead and got out of the car and headed inside, groaning to yourself about the idea of having to do laundry and all of your unattended life admin the next day, to ready yourself for a return to work on Monday. Ashton pulled your suitcase into your bedroom, and laughed when you flopped down onto the bed and moan in annoyance into the pillow.

“Post-holiday blues, gorgeous?” His tone was teasing, and you could hear the stupid smirk on his face.

“Not all of us have the luxury of a rockstar lifestyle, Irwin. No more late nights or sleep ins for me. Back to the daily grind.” You sighed, pushing yourself up onto your elbows at the edge of the bed.

“Well…” Ash crouched down so your faces were level. “How about I make it a bit less of a travesty by taking you to brunch tomorrow? Just us.” He shot you a wink as he spoke.

“Just us?” You felt yourself smiling, and oh yes, there were those butterflies again.

“Just us. Pick you up at ten.” Ashton beamed as you nodded, and he quickly pressed his lips to yours before you could say anything in response. You reached up and linked your hands behind his neck in an attempt to deepen the kiss, but Ashton caught onto your arms and untangled them, before pulling away.

“Slowly, remember? Gotta keep something up my sleeve for you, darlin’.” Ashton smirked, pressing one final kiss to your lips and standing up to his full height. “I’ll see you tomorrow at ten. Sweet dreams, babe!” He shot you another wink, and strolled right out of your bedroom without another word. Damn, he had you good.

Brunch was delightful, there was no other way to describe it. Conversation between you and Ashton flowed easily, but there was also comfort and content in the silences you shared as well, sipping coffee and eating your smashed avocado. Ashton had a few days of final rehearsals and meetings this week before flying out for the first tour date on Friday. On Thursday, you were scheduled to babysit Charlie, and you’d suggested to Ash that perhaps you could go to the nearby park and play on the playground. He’d agreed, and was going to see if Calum wanted to come along and bring Duke. Charlie Rose loved her godparents, but she also loved dogs, especially ones that were a little more Charlie-size friendly. She did not love Calum (yet), but that was mostly because he liked to rile her up with arguments about who Ashton’s best friend was (logically, it was Calum, but emotionally, Charlie was definitely giving him a run for his money).

On Thursday the sun was shining, so you headed to the park with a bubbly and chatty Charlie Rose in tow (once you’d ensured you’d both slip, slop, slapped for sun safety, of course). Charlie had insisted on wearing her brand new overalls that Alice had hand-embroidered her name and a series of colourful roses onto, and a bright yellow sunhat to match her seemingly sunny disposition. The park was fairly empty when you arrived, and you easily spotted Ashton and Calum resting on a park bench by the swings. Charlie spotted them also, and tugged on your hand for permission to run over, which you gave her.

“Charlie Rose! How’s my best girl?” Ashton’s voice boomed across the park, as he lifted Charlie up into a hug and then swung her around, causing Charlie to shriek with excitement. You reached the park bench and set down the tote bag you’d brought along, and Cal stood up to hug you hello with Duke in his arms.

“Thank god you’re here, mate. We were starting to get some weird looks from the mums over there.” Cal muttered, pulling away from you and setting Duke down on the ground.

“Duke! My best puppy!” Charlie yelped excitedly, wriggling out of Ashton’s arms to greet her favourite furry friend, who patiently stood still while she petted him softly and wrapped her arms around his neck.

“Gentle, Charlie,” You reminded, crouching down to her level. “Did you say hi to Cal? He brought Duke to the park, just for you.” You gently prompted, smiling encouragingly at your goddaughter, who eyed you suspiciously before fixing Calum with a glare.

“Hi. I guess.”

You had to stop yourself from cracking up at Charlie’s blunt tone in greeting Calum, and you could see Ashton doing the same. Cal just smiled at Charlie, before producing a tennis ball from his back pocket and offering it to her.

“Wanna play fetch with Duke, Charlie? I’ll let you have the first throw…” Cal offered cautiously. Charlie grabbed the ball from his hand and bounded off with Duke on his lead, and Calum scrambled to follow her.

“You got it, Cal?” Ash called after him, half-serious, half-laughing.

“Yep! Got it! We’ll be best friends in NO TIME, just you wait!” Calum called back, as Charlie stopped a few metres from him. She liked to push the boundaries sometimes, but Charlie Rose also knew the rules, and not to go too far from her grown ups when you were out and about.

Countless rounds of fetch, a few turns on the swings and one too many trips down the slide (both Calum and Ashton almost got completely stuck) later, it was time to take Charlie back home so that James could come by after work and collect her. Ashton offered to walk you back, and Charlie clapped her hands in delight when he let her climb onto his back for the journey home. She kissed Duke goodbye and mumbled some sort of farewell to Calum (which was progress), and you headed out of the park towards your house.

You’d noticed that Ash had grown reserved on the walk, but he was still listening intently to the story Charlie was telling him about how proud she was of Duke for learning how to play fetch. When you arrived home, he set Charlie down on the couch with an exaggerated groan and a kiss to the forehead, before heading into the kitchen to get himself a glass of water. You followed, sensing that something was up. Ashton was facing away from you at the sink, but he didn’t flinch or react when you brushed a hand along his shoulders reassuringly.

“You okay?” You asked quietly, trying to meet his gaze.

“Yep. Just gotta do the pre-tour goodbyes to my two favourite girls. Sucks, but no avoiding it.” Ashton said, his tone laced with sadness. He gulped down the rest of the water in the glass, and set it on the sink, before turning to you and pulling you into a brief hug.

“Time to rip the bandaid off.” Ash whispered, pressing a soft kiss to the top of your head before heading back into the living room.

“Charlie Rose, can I talk to you for a second?”

Charlie looked up from where she was playing on the floor with a teddy bear you kept here for her, and cocked her head to one side, eyeing Ashton curiously.

“I suppooooose.” She drawled out, making you chuckle. This child had a flair for the dramatics. Ashton crossed the floor of the living room and picked up Charlie, sitting her on his lap as he settled onto the couch.

“Do you remember how I get to play my drums with Calum, Luke and Michael?” He asked slowly, brushing the hair that had come loose from Charlie’s pigtails out of her eyes. She nodded, looking up at him curiously.

“Okay, good. So, there are lots of people that like to hear us play, all over the world. And that means I have to go away for a little while, so we can play our music for them.” Ashton continued, and you could tell he was struggling to keep it together.

“Oh! So we get to go on more airplanes, like Maui?” Charlie said, excited at the prospect of another adventure.

“You don’t get to come with me this time, Charlie Rose. Maybe you and auntie, and mama and dada can come visit me for a bit of it, but I’m going to go by myself for a little while. But I promise I’ll still FaceTime you lots, and read you stories, and you can tell me all about your adventures with auntie, okay?” Ashton was trying to keep his voice calm and steady, but it was starting to waver, especially as the realisation dawned on Charlie Rose and her bottom lip began to wobble. Ashton noticed, and pulled Charlie in close, whispering reassurances into her ear and rubbing her back as she began to sniffle into his shoulder.

“What about auntie?” Charlie asked, her voice muffled into Ashton’s shoulder. You sat down on the couch next to Ashton, and rubbed a hand along Charlie’s shoulders.

“What about me, Charlie Rose? I’m not going anywhere, lovebug.” You coaxed reassuringly, giving Charlie a small smile when she turned to look at you and rub her face.

“Yeah, but… but won’t you b-b-be sad that Uncle Ashta’s gone too?” She hiccuped, looking at you with worried eyes and a frown, as her tiny mind tried to process everything that was happening. You saw Ash glance at Charlie in wonder, but then admiration, when he realised what she was trying to say.

“You’re right, lovebug. I will miss him,” You began, pausing to note the flicker of a smile that crossed Ashton’s face. “But, just like you, I’ll get to call him on the phone heaps, and then maybe we can go and visit him on tour, won’t that be fun?” You tried to speak as brightly as you could muster, but you could feel the anxiety and emotion starting to build in your own chest. If only you could get away with throwing a temper tantrum, but alas.

“Mmm, fun. But… how will you sleep?” Charlie asked, confused.

“What do you mean, bug?” Ashton asked, bopping her on the nose which made her wrinkle her face in confusion.

“How will you sleep without snuggles?” Charlie asked so innocently that you had to stifle a laugh and partly a cry, because honestly, you had no idea how you were going to cope with the next month or so apart from Ashton. It seemed silly, given you’d been friends for literally years before this, but something had shifted in those close moments you’d shared in Maui, and the sense of content you’d found with Ashton at brunch and the park and other places in between was going to be hard to go without.

“It’s going to be tricky, Charlie, you’re right. But remember, you can always feel your loved ones and how much they care about you, even if they’re not with you, right? And you can do anything you set your mind to, can’t you?” You said softly, as Charlie reached over to you for a hug and pulled you closer to Ashton in the process.

“Yes, we can.” She mumbled, giving you and Ashton slobbery cheek kisses in response.

“What does mama say to auntie when I get frustrated or sad, can you remember?” You prompted, returning Charlie’s kiss on the cheek.

“Oh! Clear hearts, full eyes, can’t lose!” She exclaimed, proud of herself for remembering. You laughed, and Ashton joined you, throwing his arms around you and Charlie in one warm embrace.

“Almost, lovebug. Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose.”

You knew getting through these next few months was going to be a challenge, but in that moment, it felt like you were ready for anything that the universe was going to throw your way.

More writing here | send thoughts/feedback/suggestions here | if you’d like to be on my taglist go here

Taglist: @suchalonelysunflower @blackbutterfliescal @redrattlers @loveroflrh @spicycal @notinthesameguey @metalandboybands

#ashton irwin #ashton irwin one shot #ashton irwin imagine #ashton irwin blurb #charlie rose ten fingers ten toes #yes it is almost 2am #so soz for any typos #lemme know what you think #yes i love tim riggins what of it #my writing #you can tell it's late because my usual queue has kicked in LOL

78 notes · View notes

3laxx · 5 years ago

Text

Wind update 13

The new boy tries his best TM

Yo suckers

I'm back out of the blue with a chapter because canon material is pissing me off and I got inspired I guess lol Also it's been a year hahah Anyway I doubt anyone is still reading this story but whateverrrrr Imma just post wheneverrrr Also it's like 2am here don't judge me and I haven't written in actual freaking months so Oh well Let's pretend I can still write, someone is still reading this, and we're in the happy times of 2016 before the US elections and ML season 2 weeeeeeeeeeee

Ao3 / FF.net

As Carapace closed in on the fight he gulped heavily, his heart beating hard and strong against his ribcage. He was alive, he was fighting and he was well armored. He should be fine.

Right?

Suddenly he felt Alya’s fingers on his chest again, her gentle caress on the tiny scar that stayed from Hawkmoth’s sword. A wave of confidence and fear washed over him, a powerful mixture when running in battle, he realized.

Suddenly, in front of him him he felt the warmth of the fire that Flamethrower spread across the street, and just a second later he was greeted by the flickering hell in white, yellow, orange and red that expected him. He sucked in a sharp breath and jumped before his courage would leave him, spreading his arms to keep his balance in the air while he fell.

If he had stopped at the edge of the rooftop, he knew he wouldn’t have jumped in.

He came down behind the Akuma, silently and with a clenched jaw as he eyed their back. Ladybug spotted him quickly, nodding at him just enough for him to see, then he made eye contact with Chat Noir. His teammate gestured for him to stay on the side, he would probably lure the Akuma towards him.

Immediately, the fear was back. Carapace felt his throat blocking up but with a forced breath, he was back in the game. A stinging feeling spread through his lungs but he couldn’t let that stop him now.

The Akuma would stumble right into him, okay. He’d have to get ready for acting now.

With a precise hit, Chat forced the Akuma’s flamethrower up, so they’d lose aim and stumble back, then he shot the newest team member a look and Carapace knew that was gonna be his sign.

Holding his breath, he jumped and grabbed the flamethrower, kicking into the Akuma’s back.

With the surprise as an advantage, the Akuma lost their footing for a second, but the villain quickly caught himself, then they turned to Carapace, successfully twisting their weapon out of his hold and snarling with a grin as the violet outline of a butterfly mask appeared on their face.

“Ooooh…”, they smugly drawled as they closed in on Carapace, making him gulp and walk backwards, “Well, who do we have here? You’re new, apparently. Hawkmoth heard about a new team member, but I gotta say-”

With a broad grin, they listened while Hawkmoth talked.

“Yes, Hawkmoth didn’t expect a slightly overweight teenager. What, you think you can fight against me, coward?”

Carapace protectively hugged his sides, pouting, not knowing where the hell he suddenly took the ability to bite back at that.

“Hey! I’m not overweight, that’s just a little chub.”

A huge relief washed over him as he heard Chat laugh shortly before Ladybug cast her Lucky Charm, then his friend pounced on the Akuma and forced them down on the floor.

“Don’t let them talk shit about you, Cara!”

That really tickled out a smile as Carapace moved again, taking a run up and joining Chat since the Akuma jumped up again, imitating the heroes fighting style of trying to land a few fast hits.

Well, he really tried.

Since he didn’t have any experience in close combat, he more or less just relied on his superhero reflexes to not get hit in return, then he finally remembered he had a shield.

As soon as he felt the familiar weight of the heavy shield on his arm, he felt way more natural with his role, fighting suddenly appearing a little easier to him as he started using the shield as an extension of his arm.

“Thanks, Chat! I’ll just ignore they don’t have a model body like yours, either.”, that made his friend pause for just a moment, and Carapace realized he maybe shouldn’t have compared his physique to his actual job, but it was already too late then, “Well I mean, look at yourself. I really do look like a teenager next to you!”

Chat seemed a little more at ease now, since Carapace had smartly insinuated that he couldn’t be a teenager anymore, but the Akuma still got a small opening in combat to punch him so hard, Chat tumbled down the road, giving them a chance to make another move on Ladybug.

Faster than Carapace could react, they stormed at Ladybug and began using their flamethrower again since they had the chance again, and interrupted her thinking up a plan to defeat them.

Immediately, she was forced to fight them, Chat was still trying to get up, and Carapace once again felt his palms getting cold and sweaty.

No, no, not again. Not right now.

One panic attack today was enough.

Shit, what to do, what to do…

At that moment, Wayzz nudged him, making him take another step.

“Wa-wait, I-… I don’t even know what to do right now!”

His Kwami didn’t seem to care as he nudged him again, a feeling telling him he should be running already, fighting alongside Ladybug, or at least helping up Chat Noir.

Something told him he should be out and about, but for some reason, his legs felt like concrete and his heart was beating way too fast.

Until he heard Ladybug calling out to him.

“Carapace, get a move on!!”, she shouted at him, busy with holding off the Akuma, “Go help Chat!”

With a start, Carapace snapped out of it and finally sprinted down the road, past the fight, and helped up his friend who needed another moment to get back to himself.

“Need to get to the sidelines for a bit, Chat?”

The blonde in his arms groaned, his knees shaking and his claws digging into Carapace’s suit while he tried to desperately stay upright.

“N-No, I-…”, the more experienced hero tried but Carapace fell right into his words.

“I take that as a yes. Come on, man, I’ll get you somewhere safe.”

He hooked Chat’s arm around his shoulders and jumped away, a few streets down, where he ran into Alya, much to his surprise.

“Hey, you! Civilians shouldn’t be that close to the fight!”, he called out, not realizing that she didn’t exactly know him yet. Her widened eyes, and then her smile, made him gulp immediately as he remembered.

“You’re the new one! Good to meet you, actually, I-”

With a firm shake of his head, Carapace lowered the still dazed Chat to the ground and cut off her words.

“Look after him for a moment, he hit his head. He’ll be fine in a bit again.”

Alya was about to say something else, but as quickly as she kneeled down by Chat, Carapace was already off again, now finally feeling more confident in fighting the Akuma.

Having seen Alya, and most of all, having no choice but to help now since Chat was gonna be out of commission for a little, made him forget overthinking and rely on his instincts.

Upon arriving at the battlefield, where he noted a few more burned houses, he saw Ladybug visibly deflating in relief because she saw him returning without Chat.

“That stupid cat always gets himself distracted easily.”, she shouted over to him and Carapace laughed, shrugging and joining her side.

“I gotta admit, it was kinda my fault.”, he confessed but she didn’t scold him more than sending him a short glare.

“Well then you keep your head in the fight, at least. I’m not in the mood to fight alone.”

Just as she said that, she kicked the Akuma and sent them flying back a few feet, enabling them to pull out their flamethrower again.

“Shi-”

“I WILL DESTROY YOU NOW, LADYBUG!!”, the Akuma laughed maniacally as Ladybug lifted her arms to protect herself, but the heat never reached her. In confusion, she opened her eyes again and saw Carapace standing in front of her, holding up his shield to protect them.

“… I think now would be a good time to think up a plan?”, he prodded, nodding at the Lucky Charm, a small hard soap, that she held in her hand.

“Well, I roughly know what to do, but I don’t know if we can pull it off without Chat!”

Carapace groaned and pushed against the flames before the Akuma stopped firing and allowed him to front flip towards them, to land one of two hits with his shield.

“… So we have to hold them off for a bit longer?”

Ladybug shrugged, running to the side to attack the Akuma with her yo-yo from a wider range, allowing her to do harder hits with her weapon.

“Seems so! I need Chat’s cataclysm!”

As the fight continued on, Carapace slowly began to get the hang of fighting with a shield and having a rhythm with Ladybug, seeing opportunities where to cut in and get a hit and where to protect her instead. Shortly into the fight, Chat joined them again as well, still a little dizzy but overall seeming okay again.

“Are you okay, kitty?”, Ladybug still asked, wanting to get reassurance that he was feeling up for fighting, yet Carapace already knew Alya would never let Adrien go up against an Akuma again if he wasn’t at least standing on his own two feet.

“I’m fine, my lady, just a little shaken up. Now, where were we?”

Carapace chuckled as he watched Ladybug restraining herself from giving her boyfriend a short clap on the back of his head for suggesting a conversation during fighting again, not to worsen his situation, then he noticed something else.

A flash of orange and brown snuck past the edge of his vision, way too close to the fight to be save, and as he turned, he definitely recognized Alya cowering behind some garbage bins, holding out her phone to record but not caring about any safety distance.

Rolling his eyes, he turned back to his teammates, but they were too caught up in the fight to give him any attention and apparently, they hadn’t noticed Alya yet.

With a sigh he turned, already wanting to evacuate her, as he felt a wave of heat hit his back, then he saw the flames lashing out on his side, closing in to him quickly.

It was hot, yes, but what worried him more was Alya being in the line of fire, suddenly. Especially, as the Akuma closed in on him.

Thinking quickly, he leapt forward, pulling up his shield to do a roll, then he turned and landed inn front of Alya in a three pointer, yelling before Ladybug and Chat even realized what was happening.

“Shellter!”

Immediately, a green force field built up around them and engulfed them completely, forming a sphere of protection around him and Alya. The flames hit the shield and licked up the walls of his superpower, but they couldn’t reach them anymore.

Slowly, he inched back to Alya and shot a glance over his shoulder, seeing her lowering her phone, hopefully to stop recording. With wide eyes, she watched the flames raging around them, then her gaze slowly found his as he turned to her a little more now, curiosity flaring up in her brown eyes.

“Who-… Are you?”, she asked, and he knew she didn’t mean his secret identity. She was too smart to be asking about that, especially with what happened to Adrien and Marinette half a year ago.

“… I got a Miraculous recently.”, he responded, trying to stay vague.

“I know Chat Noir and Ladybug personally.”, she clarified and he was once again reminded that she had no idea who he was. On the other hand, she just reassured him that she had definitely stopped recording, “… And Master Fu. Why did he give you the Miraculous now?”

Steeling his eyes up front again he furrowed his eyebrows, giving her a stiff shrug before readying himself to pounce into the fight again, since the Akuma stopped attacking the shield.

“We don’t know.”, he gave the short answer, then standing up, “When I tell you, you will run down the street as fast as you can. I don’t want you hesitating or looking back, and in no way recording. Is that clear?”

She huffed at that, not liking being ordered around, but she did at least recognize the seriousness of the situation so she stood up as well, waiting for an opening where the Akuma would lose interest or be pushed away by Ladybug and Chat Noir.

Just a few seconds later, that opening was granted. Chat distracted the Akuma while Ladybug finally figured out her plan, then Carapace dropped the shield and urged Alya to run before charging at the Akuma again.

His girlfriend at least decided to listen this time, and really ran down the streets and to a safer place, but as soon as Carapace leant back to prepare for a hit with his shield, the Akuma whirled around and planted a big fat blow to the jaw on him.

For a moment, everything became black and he felt his body being tossed against a house wall. Chat screamed something that sounded an awful lot like Cataclysm, then Carapace heard an explosion and felt his ears ringing, before he was somehow scooped up and brought away, while Ladybug purified the Akuma and used her cleansing light to repair all the burns and damage.

The one carrying him, most likely Chat, mumbled something about the Miraculous cure not being able to cure superheroes, but at least he would be cared for.

The head of the green clad boy rolled around, against Chat’s chest and his arm, in a desperate attempt to stay conscious, then he finally fell into a deep slumber.

When Nino woke up again, he immediately felt every single bone of his body ache.

Was this normal?

If this was normal, he’d seriously like to quit. If he’d have to go through this every single time an Akuma was attacking he would not be up for this job.

Ouch.

With a groan he opened his eyes, his eyelids fluttering to adjust to the light, then he groaned again and tried blinking through it. Finally, he could look around, realizing he wasn’t transformed anymore, and recognized Master Fu’s shop, the relief washing over him like a wave.

The old Master had his back turned to him, working on something that made Nino immediately relax again since it smelled so good. As he knew his Master, he was probably brewing tea at the moment.

“I was wondering when you would wake up, young Nino.”, the man finally raised his voice, his soft words only slowly getting through his humming headache, then Master Fu turned to him and smiled.

Nino had never seen such an interesting mixture of smugness, sympathy and humor in a grin, and honestly, he hadn’t thought it to be possible, but as Master Fu looked down at him with a cup of tea in his hand, Wayzz sitting on his shoulder, he saw exactly that in the expression of the old man.

“Chat told me you got quite the hit. I can see that. He brought you here unconscious, and that is not something that happens often with the suit. But do not worry, he left before you detransformed. And we’ll set your jaw right again.”, the humored twinkle in the old man’s eyes was everything to Nino.

But also, when he mentioned it, Nino realized he couldn’t talk.

His jaw was probably broken, Master Fu then continued on, and started rambling about what to do about that and that it would only take a few hours with the ancient techniques of magic. But still, Nino would have to wait that one out.

Oh well.

He could imagine worse than having a tea with an old man and sleeping for a few hours.

Especially after such an experience.

ANOTHER YEAR ANOTHER CHAP

#miraculous ladybug #fanfiction #wind #marinette dupain-cheng #adrien agreste #nino lahiffe #alya cesaire #chat noir #ladybug #carapace #ladynoir #love square #djwifi #alyno #adrinette #im back suckers #master fu #wayzz

14 notes · View notes

maximilliandelirium · 6 years ago

Text

somebody out there hates you

a/n: hhhh i wrote this in a pre-nanowrimo mania. wanted to post to ao3 but it’s acting weird so i thought i’d throw it up on the blog for now. notice me senpai fills me with joy, so i was inspired to make *~art~* the setting is anime japan so nothing is accurate and the points don’t matter (pssst! support me on ko-fi!)

Summary: Suzuki joins an anti-cafe out of curiosity and begins to re-evaluate his relationship with Yamato. Suzuki/Yamato (Idol Senpai/Rocker Senpai)

Suzuki didn’t go online that evening intending to join an anti-Suzuki fan café. He usually didn’t dwell on his haters at all. But tonight, curiosity got the better of him. He’d been trawling the net after a long practice when he stumbled across a link to the anti-site. (Suzuki liked to Google himself; so what?) When he followed it, he realized he couldn’t read any of the message boards without an account.

That’s a good thing, I guess, he thought. He didn’t really want to see what people were saying about him. He decided to forget about it and do his homework instead.

At least, that was what he tried to do. He kept thinking about it as he struggled over his assigned reading. What did they talk about? Did they make fun of his hair? His personality? Maybe they picked apart his lyrics. The longer he thought about it, the more he wanted to know.

Suzuki tossed his book aside and re-opened his laptop. He hadn’t closed the browser window. The link was still there. Yamato was always telling him to consider his weaknesses so he could improve. This could be beneficial. If Suzuki tried understanding where these people were coming from, he might be able to win them over, or at least get better at what he did.

It didn’t take much to make an account. He had to create a new email—he didn’t want his regular one linked to the site. After that, he spent half an hour trying to come up with a screen name. It was imperative that no one know who he really was. His usual handle—“SuzuStar”—would give him away like a shot. Suzuki was also disappointed to discover that “YamatoFan#1” was taken. Eventually, he settled on “notafan1234.”

Never having been on an anti-site before, Suzuki wasn’t sure what to expect. He was surprised by how plain it was. The header image was just the name of the page in bright red letters, along with a picture of his face with a “no” sign superimposed on it. He scrolled through the list of threads.

Break Suzuki’s new MV!

New Anti-Suzuki Memes

Worst Lyrics Poll (CLOSED)

Suzuki kept scrolling, horrified and fascinated. He found a thread titled “Important question for Yamato fans—should he be friends w/ Suzuki?” He clicked on it. He jumped when he saw the selfie he and Yamato had taken at the school festival. The original poster had written a caption beneath it.

Ugh. I don’t get why Yamato wastes his time with this guy. They don’t have anything in common.

A user named MerryPip added, Lol same. Yamato actually has talent.

Suzuki frowned.

They probably just hang out because they go to the same school, someone else said. Yamato doesn’t want to be mean.

Tbh, SuzuYama shippers make me sick.

Yamato shouldn’t keep feeding them by hanging out with him.

They only do it for fanservice. I bet it’s in their contracts.

Suzuki hadn’t been planning on responding to anyone, but the last comment had sent him over the edge. They had no right to question his friendship with Yamato. They didn’t know anything about him. He typed, Maybe Yamato and Suzuki are friends because they get along and like to hang out.

A response appeared in no time. As if, Lonelygrrl said. Suzuki is too much of a ditz to get along with Yamato. He totally cramps his style. Yamato is just humoring him because the fans like it.

Blood rushed to Yamato’s face. His fingers flew to the keys. That’s not true! How do you know Yamato is just pretending? You don’t have any proof. You’re just making stuff up!

The backlash was swift and immediate. A gallery of photos flooded the thread with red outlines drawn around Yamato’s eyes and mouth, along with whole paragraphs explaining why his smile was faked, or how he couldn’t stand to actually touch Suzuki.

His hand is just hovering here, Lonelygrrl wrote. All their selfies are faked. Their managers get together and tell them where to go. Like playdates.

Suzuki slammed the laptop closed. He sat back, fuming. When his head cooled, Suzuki reached for his phone. He wanted to ask Yamato about this. (Yamato was saved in his contacts as “Yama heart eyes emoji, guitar emoji.”)

Did u know there’s a whole website that hates me? Suzuki texted.

Yamato answered quickly: No, but I’m not surprised. There’s always haters. You find one?

Yeah. I made an account.

WTF why?

I wanted to see what they were saying.

Delete it. That’s a waste of time.

A waste of time. That’s what the anti-fans had said Yamato was doing by being Suzuki’s friend. He wanted to tell Yamato about it. But it had made him nervous. What if they were right? What if Yamato was only pretending to be friends with him? They’d become closer through school performances. Was that the only reason Yamato continued to hang out with him?

Suzuki texted back: Ur right. They’re just mean.

Don’t let it get to you. Some people have to be negative for no reason.

Suzuki put the phone aside. He wouldn’t go back on the site. He’d just forget about it. Yamato was his friend and that was that. It wouldn’t do him any good to second guess it. Suzuki opened the laptop one last time to close the browser. There were a few more replies.

Jesus, when will trolls learn not to come in here? MerryPip complained. Do. Not. Feed. The. Trolls.

I’m not a troll, Suzuki thought, closing the window. He would delete the account tomorrow. Right now, he needed to get back to work.

The next morning was rough. Suzuki hadn’t realized how much time had passed last night while he’d been reading the message boards, and by the time he completed his homework, it was 2AM. He shuffled into class, yawning.

“Late night?” Reiji asked as Suzuki walked past.

“It took me two hours to finish the reading.”

“Me, too!” Takeru said. “And when I finished, it felt like I didn’t understand it at all.” He looked over at Ren. “What did you think?”

Ren lifted his head slightly. “Huh? I didn’t finish. I fell asleep halfway through.”

“You’re kidding. We have a quiz on it today.”

“I can probably get a good enough grade with what I know.”

Suzuki spotted Yamato sitting on the windowsill. He had his guitar balanced in his lap and he was strumming it idly. The things Suzuki had read last night started to seep into his mind. He pushed them away. I’m not going to think about it.

“Yama-kun!” Suzuki called.

Yamato glanced up and smiled. It looked real. Relief washed over Suzuki as he walked over. Yamato continued plucking on the strings.

“Hey,” he said. “You look beat. What’s up?”

“I got distracted by the internet last night and did all my homework late.” Suzuki blushed. Yamato liked to tease him for being irresponsible sometimes. “But I did get it done!”

“Oh yeah. That site you texted me about. I hope you didn’t talk to anyone.”

Suzuki laughed nervously. “No. Why would I?”

“They’re trying to get a rise out of people. Starting an argument is just what they want.”

He laughed again, this time more forced.

Yamato tilted his head to the side. “You okay?”

“Yeah. It’s all good.” Suzuki waved a hand. “Let’s stop talking about it. Do you still want to go shopping today after class?”

“Sure. Just remember to change before we go out. I don’t want to get chased by your crazy fans again.”

“I wouldn’t forget,” Suzuki said. He winked and stuck his tongue out. “Are you sure you don’t like the exercise?”

“I’m sure.”

Yamato met him in front of the school after classes let out. No matter how many times they went out in public together, Yamato never stopped staring at Suzuki’s outfit. Suzuki didn’t understand why he rolled his eyes every time he saw it.

“What’s the matter? This is what I always wear,” he said.

“I know. That’s the problem. We’re getting you some new civilian clothes today.” Yamato grabbed the hem of Suzuki’s t-shirt and gave it a tug. “How many of these do you own?”

“A few.”

“You’re supposed to be in disguise. Why would you wear a shirt with your own face on it?”

“Because,” Suzuki said, lifting his index finger, “no one would ever suspect I’d wear my own merchandise. This face distracts them from looking at mine.”

“If you say so.” Yamato let go.

They walked into town, then took the train to the best shopping district. Though Yamato and Suzuki bought their clothes at different stores, they agreed that this part of the city had the best shops. The only problem was that it was crowded. Just getting off the train was a nightmare. Suzuki almost lost his hat.

“Is it just me or are there more people here today than usual?” he asked, squashing it back on his head.

“I think you’re right. There must be a promotion going on.” Yamato stretched to see over the crowd. “That one you like isn’t as busy. Let’s go to that one first.”

They pressed through the crowd. Suzuki bumped into a woman carrying a dozen bags and made her drop all of them. He spent a few minutes helping her pick them up while bowing and apologizing. She gave him a dirty look. He wondered if she would’ve been as mad if she knew who he was.

Or could she be one of the anti-fans?

Suzuki hadn’t thought about it before, but those names online had real people behind them. They could’ve been from his own school. It was scary to think about. There might be some in this crowd. Suzuki readjusted his mask and sunglasses, making sure his face was completely hidden.

“Suzu—!” Yamato cut himself off as he came jogging over. They’d gotten separated. “I turned around and you weren’t behind me.”

“Sorry. It’s hard to stick together in all this.”

Yamato sighed and looked around. Then he grabbed Suzuki’s hand. “Come on,” he said. “We need to get you a new shirt.”

The changing room was cold. Suzuki quickly pulled on one of the shirts he’d brought in. It was a purple galaxy print. There were three mirrors placed in the corner of the stall, giving him a rounded view. He was pretty satisfied with his appearance. Suzuki had often been told he had a good face. And his rigorous dance practices kept him in good shape. Yet…

Earlier, while Yamato was going through leather jackets, Suzuki had pulled up the anti-café on his phone. He needed to know if they knew where he was. His fans tended to track his movements. His haters might do the same thing.

Though there wasn’t anything about where he physically was, but there was a new thread: “Is Suzuki actually handsome? Yes/No?” He knew he shouldn’t read it. It didn’t matter what a handful of bitter people on the internet thought. But the urge was too strong.

It’s supposed to be his major selling point, but I’m a girl and I think he’s kind of lame.

His hair color looks so fake and not in a good way.

Didn’t he gain weight recently? No one’s gonna stick around if he keeps putting on the pounds XD

Imo he’s kind of short.

I’m 178 centimeters! That’s above average! Suzuki was shorter than Yamato, but that didn’t mean he was tiny. He remembered what Yamato had said about not engaging them. He wanted to set them straight.

The school festival selfie had reappeared. Suzuki had been proud of it at the time. His and Yamato’s costumes were perfectly coordinated, they’d posed in front of the best decorations in the classroom, and they’d gotten a perfect angle. This site didn’t seem to agree.

Look at this lame-ass Star Sailor costume.

I stg Suzuki drags Yamato into his weird interests all the time.

is it supposed to be funny? Who are they trying to appeal to?

It had taken every ounce of Suzuki’s self-control not to go off on them. Star Sailor was one of his great loves. It was one of Yamato’s as well. That was the whole reason they had coordinated their cosplays.

Unable to stomach any more, he had turned off the screen, gathered a few shirts and gone into the dressing room. He examined himself in the mirror. He still looked fine. Suzuki plucked a strand of hair. Was it too yellow?

He took off the galaxy shirt and pinched his stomach. Suzuki wasn’t as muscular as boys like Makoto or Katsuo, but he had a lithe figure. Nothing seemed to have changed. Sometimes Suzuki’s manager warned him not to indulge his sweet tooth too much. Maybe he should start taking that message more to heart. He felt a pang of loss just considering skipping the cakes at the school’s café.

Suzuki shook his head. He was letting the anti-site get to him.

When he emerged from the dressing room, he spotted Yamato coming over, his arms weighed down with jackets and black jeans. He eyed Suzuki’s pile.

“Did you find anything good?” he asked.

“I like this one.” Suzuki pointed at the galaxy shirt. “What do you think?”

Yamato shrugged. “You look good in everything.”

“Aw, Yama-kun, you’re so sweet!” Suzuki said in an over-the-top cutesy voice. He shimmied his shoulders for extra effect.

Yamato rolled his eyes and gave Suzuki a light smack on the arm. He disappeared behind the curtain. Suzuki put away the clothes he didn’t want while he waited. He wondered if Yamato had hate sites, too. It didn’t seem possible. Yamato was so handsome and talented; it was hard to imagine a bunch of people getting together just to make fun of him.

Suzuki pulled out his phone again. He went through his pictures until he found another selfie he’d taken with Yamato. It was from the last time Yamato had hung out at his house. Suzuki hadn’t made it public. He didn’t know why. It was a good picture. There wasn’t anything scandalous or illegal in it.

He supposed he hadn’t wanted to share it because it felt more personal than the others. They were both in sweatshirts and pajama pants, their faces lit up by the blue light from Suzuki’s TV. Suzuki was leaning heavily on Yamato, who was grinning at the camera. Suzuki was smiling fondly up at Yamato.

If those jerks online could see this picture, they’d realize Yamato wasn’t faking his feelings of friendship. Suzuki couldn’t post it, though. This picture was just for him and Yamato, no one else. He sighed and closed the photo gallery.

Yamato came out of the dressing room. “I’m ready if you are,” he said.

“Are you buying anything?” Suzuki asked as he headed for the counter.

Yamato shook his head. “I’m going to shop around a bit more. Do you want to get some bubble tea after the next stop?”

“Only if we go to that one place next to the arcade.”

“Okay, but you’re not dragging me into another DDR competition.”

Suzuki put his arm around Yamato’s shoulders. “Come on, you’re not that bad. You almost beat me last time.”

Yamato shook his head. He copied Suzuki’s gesture, linking them closer together. He gave Suzuki’s back a pat. “I’ll leave the dancing to the trained idol. Some other time. Now go, it’s your turn.” He nudged Suzuki forward.

Suzuki reluctantly let go of Yamato. He brought his shirts to the girl working the cash register. She smiled at him.

“You and your friend are cute,” she said as she rung him up.

“Thanks! I try.”

She giggled. “Have a nice day.”

“Did you flirt your way to a discount?” Yamato asked.

Suzuki’s eyes widened behind his sunglasses. “You can do that?”

“No, idiot.” Yamato took Suzuki’s hand again. “Maybe you could, but I wouldn’t. I hope she didn’t recognize you.”

“She didn’t. If she had, she would’ve asked for an autograph.”

They could never get a seat by the windows, otherwise their combined fans would fill the restaurant. Suzuki was half thankful for the privacy it afforded them, but they had to sit in a dim corner where there wasn’t much space. One of Yamato’s legs rested against one of his own.

“What kind did you get?” Suzuki asked.

Yamato glanced up from his phone. “Honeydew. You wanna try it?”

“Sure.” Suzuki took a sip from Yamato’s bubble tea. They had never worried about germs. The tea was perfectly sweet and mellow. He passed it back, a smile on his lips.

“You know, that’s the first time you smiled this afternoon,” Yamato said. “It feels like you’ve been gloomy ever since we left school.”

“Really?” He hadn’t noticed. “I guess I’m just tired. We’re already talking about the next comeback.”

“They should let you have a break. I’ve been talking to my agency about a vacation.” Yamato lowered his phone and met Suzuki’s eyes. “We could go somewhere. Hawai’i maybe. I’ve always wanted to do a shark tour.”

Suzuki shuddered. “That’s scary!”

“They put you in a cage. It’s not dangerous.”

“You can do that. I want to get a tan.”

Yamato knocked his leg against Suzuki’s. “But you’d want to go? With me?”

“Of course.”

Yamato’s eyes lit up. He smiled. “Awesome. We can get it cleared with your manager. There’s a little while before our next break. We could go then if your team says it’s okay.”

Hawai’I with Yamato. Suzuki imagined what it might be like. Sun, sand, and the ocean. Swimsuits. Sleeping in. Hawai’ian food. He sighed wistfully. Ever since he had first seen travel programs for it on TV, he’d always wanted to go. The best part might be going with Yamato. They could run around together as much as they wanted. They’d have their own hotel room.

“Will you ask your manager about it?” Yamato said, pressing Suzuki’s leg again. He was chewing on the corner of his lip.

“I will. I’ll text her now.” Suzuki fished his phone from his jacket pocket. He braced his leg against Yamato’s. He took comfort in the pressure. Yamato was strong. It felt good to lean on him.

Some of the other guys invited them to karaoke after school that weekend. It was Hajime’s idea apparently, which meant he’d roped in Soujiro, who was bringing the twins, and so on and so on. Things usually turned out this way. If someone mentioned a party, everyone ended up unofficially invited. Ikemen wasn’t a small school, but word spread quickly, and the upperclassmen were all connected by a web of association.

Suzuki didn’t remember who specifically asked him and Yamato if they wanted to tag along. It might’ve been Ai. Anyway, they showed up at the karaoke place after everyone else had already arrived thanks to an unexpected fangirl sighting.

“You guys are late,” Tokiya said.

“We just got chased halfway across the city,” Yamato said, tossing his jacket onto one of the couches. “Give us a break.”

Suzuki removed his mask, sunglasses, and hat. He took stock of the group. Ai had brought Tokiya and Ryuu, but Kurou was nowhere to be seen, meaning there’d be a fight later. (Ryuu and Tokiya always fought.) Soujiro and the twins were there, wearing casual clothes for once. Yuu and Baa had shown up as well. Suzuki would never get over the goat head. Takeru was there, probably having heard about the outing through word of mouth.

“Sorry, we ordered food without you,” he said.

“It’s fine. We can get something later.”

Suzuki settled in beside Yamato. He had asked his manager about the vacation. She hadn’t gotten back to him yet. He was starting to get nervous. Running from their fans earlier had only made Suzuki want it more. After this comeback. If the single does well, then I earned it. She can’t say no.

The other third-years had already lined up a decent list of songs. They must have been feeling nostalgic, since most of the music was from the 80s and 90s. Takeru, being Takeru, shared some of his food with Yamato and Suzuki while Hajime launched into a heart-felt ballad at the top of his lungs.

It was times like these that made Suzuki wish he wasn’t an idol. Being a senior in high school wasn’t easy, but there was so much more freedom. You definitely didn’t get hate comments. You could hang out with whoever you wanted. You didn’t get chased when you went outside. He could never just quit though. He loved music. He loved performing. But it was nice to just be with friends and not on a stage.

Yamato nudged him with his elbow. “Are you going to sing?”

“Obviously!” Suzuki hopped up. “I wonder if they have one of your songs on the machine.”

“Ooh, do it!” Ai said.

Yamato looked embarrassed. “Come on…”

“What?” Suzuki scrolled through the song list. “Are you scared I’m gonna ruin it? I’ll let you cover one of mine?”

“You should do a duet,” Hajime said. “Give us the collab everyone’s been waiting for!”

Takeru nodded in agreement and Ai applauded. “Yeah!” he said. “Do that!”

Yamato got up and walked over to the screen, picking up a microphone for himself. “Pick something we both know. One that’s in my range.”

Suzuki kept scrolling. They had a couple of his songs, as well as a few of Yama’s, but none of them were duets. Then he spotted something. He let out a cry of excitement.

“Yama! The Star Sailor duet! From the musical.” He grabbed Yamato’s upper arm and squeezed it insistently. “Remember? The part where Selena hears Damian join her from offstage, and then he comes down from the ceiling?” He shook Yamato’s arm for emphasis. “Let’s do this one. Please?”

“Wait, you’ve seen the Star Sailor musical?” Ryuu asked with a smirk.

Yamato blushed. “It’s good,” he muttered. To Suzuki, he said, “You really want to do this one? It’s kind of…”

“I know all the words,” Suzuki said proudly. “I could sing it without looking at the screen.”

Yamato still looked hesitant. An upsetting thought reared its ugly head. Suzuki remembered the discussion in the anti-café, about their Star Sailor cosplay. I stg Suzuki drags Yamato into his weird interests all the time. Suzuki’s heart sank. What if Yama really was only going along with it to humor him? Liking a sparkly and romantic mahou shojo wasn’t Yamato’s style. And he probably hadn’t wanted to broadcast any interest in it.

“Um, we don’t have to,” Suzuki said. He reached out to scroll down the list again. “There’s probably another song we can both sing in here.”

“No,” Yamato blurted, color still high in his cheeks. “I want to do this one.”

“Are you sure?”

Yamato nodded. “You can have Selena’s part. The notes are too high for me.”

Relief washed over Suzuki. He might be humoring you again, a mean voice whispered in the back of his head. He tried to ignore it. As long as he got to sing with Yamato, he didn’t really care. He pressed play.

They might have been in a random karaoke room, surrounded by classmates, but Suzuki poured his heart into the performance. He loved the Star Sailor musical. He thought it was hopelessly romantic. Especially the part where Damian appeared. Suzuki started the duet and Yamato jumped in after a few bars. His voice was perfect for the song. It was like he really was Damian.

If Yamato had seemed uncomfortable before, he had shaken it off. He sang with confidence, turning to face Suzuki and holding out his hand. A thrill went through Suzuki as he took it. Yamato even twirled him under his arm. They could have been onstage. Suzuki had no trouble imagining Yamato in the top hat and mask (seeing as he’d worn the costume before). He also had no trouble seeing why Yamato’s fans left strings of hearts in the comments on his selfie posts.

Suzuki was starting to feel lightheaded. It might’ve been because the room was hot, or all his breath was going into the duet, but at the same time, he knew that wasn’t the real reason. Yamato drew him in a step closer. They were reaching the end of the song.

In the musical, Selena and Damian ended their duet by putting their foreheads together, eyes closed. Then, just before the stage lights dimmed, they would kiss. It was cheated, covered by strategic hand placement, but Suzuki squealed every time. Now, as his head came to rest against Yamato’s, he had a crazy idea.

What if Yamato kissed him?

Suzuki’s heart started to pound. Yamato’s face was so close to his. It would take just a tiny movement for their lips to touch. Even though the actors usually closed their eyes, Yamato was looking straight at him, and Suzuki couldn’t tear his gaze away. He’d forgotten everyone in the room. They might as well have been alone.

Then, the last note of the song faded. Yamato stepped back. Suzuki released a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. Yamato’s hand was still in his. Suzuki was shaking. All around them, the other third-years applauded. Someone whistled.

Suzuki came back to himself just in time. He raised his and Yama’s hands between them and swept into a low bow. “Thank you, thank you,” he said. “We’ll be here all week.”

“You guys were great!” Tokiya said. “It was just like seeing the actual musical. Right, Ryuu?”

Ryuu shrugged. “Don’t ask me. I’ve never watched Star Sailor live.”

“Oh really? Then what was that about telling Kurou how much you liked the actress that played Queen Pyrite?”

Ryuu’s mouth opened and shut indignantly. He turned away to hide the blush that had spread across his face. “Shut up, Tokiya.”

Yamato insisted on walking Suzuki home. None of their fans appeared, so it was an uneventful journey, but Suzuki’s heart hadn’t stopped racing. Yamato was at his side, keeping pace and chatting about his plans for a new song. Suzuki only half-registered the words he was saying. The rest of his mind was occupied with the ups and downs of his voice, his smile, the way the streetlights made his hair glow.

Suzuki remembered how Yamato had held his hand earlier and while they were shopping and wished Yamato would do it again. It had felt nice. He was tempted to bridge the distance between them, to reach out and mesh their fingers. Suzuki put his hands in his pockets instead.

Could friends hold hands whenever? He didn’t think there was anything weird about it, but most of the people he saw holding hands were couples. He could ask Yamato, but that seemed awkward. Why was he even getting the urge to hold hands in the first place?

“Suzuki?” Yamato had somehow ended up behind him. His brow was furrowed in concern. “Isn’t this your place?”

Suzuki looked back. He’d kept walking past his house. “Oh,” he said, grinning sheepishly. “Sorry, I was distracted. Thinking about stuff.” He jogged back.

“You’re such an airhead,” Yamato said warmly. He ground his knuckles against the sides of Suzuki’s head, not hard enough to hurt. “What would you do without me?”

Suzuki laughed, swatting Yamato’s hands away. “Mean! That’s it, we’re rivals now.”

Yamato smirked. “I couldn’t be your rival. I’d crush you, and I don’t have the heart to do that. It’d be like kicking a puppy.”

“Woof!” Suzuki’s chest grew arm as Yamato burst into a fit of giggles.

Yamato took off his cap and mussed his hair. “Go on, your mom’s probably worried you got kidnapped by a crazy fan.”

“Text me when you get home,” Suzuki said.

“Will do. See you at school.”

Suzuki watched Yamato go until he vanished around a street corner.

Yamato texted him about twenty minutes later to let him know he’d arrived home safely. Suzuki tried to do his homework, but his thoughts were a jumble. He couldn’t concentrate. After an hour of struggling, he took a bath and changed for bed. If he couldn’t do his homework, he’d go to sleep now and wake up early to finish. And yet…

Suzuki lay on his back, staring at the ceiling. What had happened tonight was different from how things usually went between him and Yamato. He remembered the light, fluttery feeling in his chest when Yamato had held his hand, and how it had doubled when their foreheads were together. He remembered looking into Yamato’s eyes as they’d sung the Star Sailor duet at the karaoke place.

Friends didn’t react that way. Suzuki knew that. A friend didn’t set your heart racing just by touching you. They didn’t spawn butterflies in your stomach. Suzuki was starting to tremble just thinking about it. Heat burned up his neck to his ears.

If he was being honest with himself, he had imagined kissing Yamato before. It was impossible not to. There was a whole legion of fans who thought they should be a couple. Suzuki had never missed an opportunity to please them. He thought it was actually rather sweet. Yamato had laughed at first, but in general had approached the whole thing with good humor. With that sort of thing going on, it was hard not to imagine what it might be like if they actually were together.

Yamato seemed like he’d be a good kisser. He’d probably kissed lots of girls. Had he ever kissed another boy before? Probably not. Suzuki touched his lips. He had faked kisses with girls for MVs, but had never done it seriously. Yamato might laugh at his inexperience.

But he might also smile as he kissed him. He might hold Suzuki to him in a firm embrace, stroking his hair. He might also push Suzuki against a wall and kiss him fiercely, channeling the energy of his music into Suzuki until they were both breathless.

Suzuki opened his eyes. He hadn’t realized he’d closed them. He took a deep breath in, then let it out. His imagination usually didn’t go that far. Suzuki felt a little uncomfortable. It was probably wrong for him to think of Yamato like that, but now that he’d started he couldn’t stop.

He pictured being able to hold hands with Yamato all the time, not just in a crowd, kisses before class, cuddling with each other while they watched movies… His heart surged. The thought of being with Yamato as more than a friend had made him so happy he couldn’t want anything else.

Suzuki wasn’t stupid. Maybe somewhat naive at times, but not stupid. He knew what he was experiencing. He loved Yamato. He had been loving Yamato for a long time now. Why shouldn’t he? Yamato was so artistic and brilliant and kind. It was just now occurring to him that his feelings ran over the edges of platonic affection into something else.

At the same time, Suzuki knew he couldn’t tell him. Yamato couldn’t possibly return his feelings. Even if he did, they couldn’t date without it being plastered over every magazine cover and celebrity news website. He thought of the message boards on the anti-Suzuki site. Those people would riot if Suzuki even hinted at the idea of loving Yamato. They might even go so far as to threaten him. And, worst of all, what if they were right? What if Yamato was only his friend because he had to be?

Suzuki didn’t want to believe it. He refused to. But the seeds of doubt had been sown. If he confessed to Yamato, and what those people online said was true, then he’d just humiliate himself. They’d never be able to hang out again. Suzuki feared that the most. He’d rather hold these feelings inside rather than run the risk of losing Yamato’s friendship.

He rolled over and buried his face in his pillow. If he stayed like this long enough, maybe he would smother himself and never have to think of it again. He lifted his head eventually. It got too uncomfortable.

“I’ll just keep going like everything’s the same,” Suzuki said out loud. “He’ll never find out and we’ll keep being friends. I won’t have to give him up.”

Still, the resolution filled him with pain. He would never have that relationship with Yamato. It wasn’t going to be easy. Yamato would only have to touch him to send ripples of longing through Suzuki. He would have to train himself not to react, not to reciprocate where it wasn’t wanted.

He got up and found his MP3 player in his backpack. He put his earbuds in. Suzuki had every single album Yamato had released. He started with the first one, for nostalgia’s sake. As he listened, he imagined Yamato was singing just for him.

Pretending everything was normal was a lot harder than Suzuki realized. Yamato was everywhere. They were in class together all day, ate together during lunch, and even hung out after school. Suzuki didn’t want to stop hanging out with him; that would just make Yamato suspicious. But it was getting more and more difficult to focus on history and science when they studied together.

They were at Yamato’s apartment that afternoon. Yamato lived alone, which Suzuki used to think was a good thing, since there was no one to bother them if they decided to stay up all night watching anime. Now, he desperately wished there was someone to ward away his thoughts of kissing Yamato.

Yamato ran his fingers through his hair. He looked frustrated. “I’m not getting it,” he said. “What about you?”

Suzuki shook his head. He hadn’t even been trying. The whole study session was turning out to be counterproductive. How do people with crushes survive?

“Do you want to take a break and play Mario Kart?”

Suzuki shoved his notebook aside. “Absolutely.”

Hopefully, a game would keep his mind off of contemplating the feel of Yamato’s lips against his. He settled into Yamato’s couch, controller in hand. They weren’t competitive with each other in any area except Mario Kart. Soon, he’d want to strangle Yamato instead of make-out with him.

The plan worked, for a little while. Suzuki got swept up in the races, he and Yamato resorting to cheating by bumping into each other in real life and trying to wrestle the controllers out of each other’s hands. It was just like how things had been before. Suzuki relaxed.

However, things took a turn when Yamato hit him with a shell, right before Suzuki was about to win Rainbow Road. Bowser dashed across the finish line while Princess Peach was still spinning out. Suzuki threw down his controller and started pummeling Yamato lightly with his fists.

“I hate you! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!”

“I’m just playing the game,” Yamato laughed.

“That was my win, you cheater!”

“Shells are a part of the game. You hit me with a blue shell a couple tracks ago. How is this any different?” Yamato grabbed Suzuki’s wrists. “You still got second place.”

“I should’ve been first,” Suzuki said. “I did the shortcut and everything.” He struggled against Yamato’s hold. “Let me go. I’m not done beating you up.”

Yamato pushed him backwards, pinning him to the couch. He hovered over Suzuki. “Oh yeah? I’d like to see you try. When you were hitting me, it felt like being stung by a mosquito.”

Suzuki went red. He tried to break free, but Yamato was strong. He went redder as he became more aware of their position. What was this, a scene out of a shojo manga?

“Okay, okay,” he said hastily. “You win. Fair and square. Can you get off me?”

Yamato let go. He leaned back. Suzuki lay there for a second longer, trying to catch his breath. Had he actually been wanting Yamato to kiss him like that? To just lean down and…

Suzuki shook his head. He had to get out of here before he did something stupid. He sat up. “Um, I should probably head home. I promised Mom I’d eat dinner with her tonight. She says she barely gets to see me.”

“Oh.” Yamato sounded disappointed. “It’s still early.”

Suzuki coughed. “Yeah. I said I’d help her cook, too.”

“Alright. I’ll walk you.” Yamato started to get up.

“Ah, no thanks!” Suzuki squeaked. He winced at the sound of his own voice. What was wrong with him? “I can make it on my own. I have my disguise and everything.”

“Are you sure?”

Suzuki nodded. He gathered his notebook and school things as quickly as possible. “I’ll see you at school tomorrow! Good luck on the physics homework.”

Yamato followed him to the door. “Text me when you get home?”

“Sure!” Suzuki chirped (too brightly, he realized). Then, before he could embarrass himself any further, he rushed out the door.

Suzuki made good on his word to help his mother make dinner. She’d been surprised to see him home so early, but glad to spend time with him as well. Suzuki’s schedule was so hectic that they rarely ate dinner together, let alone cooked together. He wasn’t as good as Souma in the kitchen, but he managed.

A part of him wanted to tell her about Yamato. He had a good opportunity to when she asked how he was doing. In the end, he said Yamato was doing fine and left it at that. He didn’t want to bother his mom with that kind of thing. (Truth be told, he was embarrassed to mention having a crush in the first place.)

After dinner, he holed himself up in his room. Suzuki knew it was the last thing he needed right now, but he logged back onto the anti-café. No one had banned him yet. Suzuki hadn’t commented since that first time, so they’d probably forgotten he was there.

It was full of the usual hatred and vitriol. Suzuki picked a thread railing against his and Yamato’s relationship. He scrolled through it for a while, his heart sinking lower and lower until it reached the Earth’s core. They despised the idea of him and Yamato together, whether they were friends or dating.

It can never happen, Suzuki thought. His fans might turn on him.

Suzuki finally closed the thread. Then, because he had no one else to turn to, he texted Jae. Jae was currently in South Korea, visiting family and the other members of his group. Suzuki hoped he wasn’t too busy.

Hey sunbae, Suzuki wrote, do you ever get hate comments?

It didn’t take long for Jae to text back. oh totally. happens all the time.

How do you deal with them?

i try to ignore it. block out the haters

It was good advice. A no-brainer, honestly, if only Suzuki could follow it. have you ever found a whole site that hates you? an anti café?

man don’t tell me you have one of those. you’re a ray of sunshine! how could anyone make a whole anti-café devoted to you?

Idk either. It’s really been getting me down. What should I do?

Jae spent a long time typing. Suzuki watched the little ellipses dance while he waited. Eventually, Jae wrote back, you can always block the site or their comments. it’s nothing to be ashamed of. you don’t owe them anything tbh. if they’re not actually sending you constructive criticism, if all they’re doing is trying to tear you down, then kick ‘em to the curb ㅋㅋㅋ seriously tho, don’t read that stuff. it breaks my heart that anyone could be so mean to my hoobae

T^T you’re the best jae-sunbae, Suzuki replied.

i try 😉 is there anything else i can help with?

Suzuki hesitated. He could trust Jae with anything. But could he trust him with this? Maybe if he was vague, Jae wouldn’t realize who Suzuki was talking about. He took a deep breath and wrote, yeah. Have you ever had a crush on someone who’s like, your friend?

are we talking about yama?

Suzuki nearly dropped his phone. He typed a response with trembling fingers. Haha nooooooo where did you get that idea? I’m talking hypothetically.

sure, ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), Jae replied. so in this hypothetical situation, is the crusher a j-idol and the crushee a rockstar?

(^◇^；) no…

suzuki literally everyone on the planet thinks you guys are dating. even my mom thinks so.

Suzuki huffed. That doesn’t make it true! he typed. Answer my question: did you ever have a crush on a friend, yes/no?

Again, it took a while for Jae to reply. yep! didn’t work out but hey! it was someone else in the music scene. you know how it is. not that you should get discouraged! you and yamato would be super cute together.

Suzuki blushed. He thought for a while about what he should say. He typed out, do you really think so? what if a lot of people got mad?

you shouldn’t care about what other people think. it’s your personal life.

What if, hypothetically, it’s just one-sided and I ruin our whole friendship?

i doubt it would ruin your friendship, Jae wrote. i’m 99.9% sure yama likes you. have you seen how he looks in your selfies? heart eyes <3

Suzuki’s blush deepened. No way. Jae was just trying to make him feel better. Then again, the duet in the karaoke room gave him a sliver of hope. But that was a performance. They were acting like Damian and Selena.

What about the other 1%? Suzuki wrote.

you doubt my judgment?? look, even if he doesn’t feel that way about you, your friendship won’t tank just because of a little crush. not if it’s real and i think it is.

Okay. Thanks again, sunbae <3 I’ll let you get back to whatever you were doing.

anytime! it’s good to be home, but i miss everyone over there TT take care of yourself!

Suzuki locked his phone screen and lay down. Talking to Jae had helped, but he still couldn’t bring himself to confess to Yamato. He didn’t understand how Jae could be so confident when his own crush hadn’t worked out. He knew just as well as Suzuki how hard it was for idols to date normally.

Even if Yamato liked me back, I’d get flayed alive. Probably by my manager, too. His manager still hadn’t given him the green light on the vacation. Suzuki was starting to think that was her way of saying no. It might be better if he didn’t go. Hawai’i was a romantic place, right? What if Suzuki got carried away and blurted his feelings? It would defeat the purpose of a relaxing getaway.

I should tell Yamato I can’t come with. Suzuki would do it tomorrow, at school. He’d rip the band-aid off, so to speak, and get it over with. Hopefully Yamato wouldn’t be too disappointed.

Suzuki didn’t get a chance to tell Yamato the next day, because Yamato was suddenly super busy. He was on the phone with someone before class started, and he spent every break scribbling in his notebook. He disappeared during lunch before Suzuki could even ask if they were going to eat together. It wasn’t that strange, really. 3-A was full of students with irregular schedules. For example, Takahiro had taken off for some part-time job earlier.

However, Yamato wasn’t there the next day either, so Suzuki couldn’t tell him then, either. And then Suzuki had to skip a day to spend it in a recording studio. He considered texting Yamato about it, but he would rather tell him in person. It seemed a bit too important not to discuss face-to-face.

Suzuki finally got a chance when he and Yamato both arrived late in the school day. He guessed Yamato must have been recording something as well. He was dressed down from his usual leather jacket and had left out a few piercings. He only did that when he had an early morning session.

“Are you free to walk home today, Yama?” Suzuki asked as they jogged up the stairs to 3-A. “There’s something I need to talk to you about.”

“Today’s no good.”

“What about tomorrow morning?”

Yamato shook his head. “Busy. Sorry.”

Suzuki paused. “What’s going on? Are you prepping a new release?”

Yamato didn’t answer. He just kept going. Suzuki stared at his retreating back. What was the big secret? Yamato usually shared any and all details about his projects. He’d been talking about a new song after karaoke. Were the two related, or was this another thing altogether?

What if I made him uncomfortable? Suzuki thought, gripped by terror. Or what if Jae was trying to be helpful and told him I have a crush on him? He knew he was jumping to conclusions. Yamato was busy; that was all. Even so, he felt nervous. Why hadn’t Yamato answered him?

Suzuki investigated Yamato’s fansites. He wasn’t making special appearances anywhere. There were no concert announcements. Not even a rumor of an album release. So what was he doing? He hadn’t walked home with Suzuki or asked him over for a while. They didn’t even have lunch together anymore.

A sick, heavy dread settled in Suzuki’s stomach as he logged onto the anti-café. It got worse. The café was overjoyed.

No suzuyama sightings lately! He finally dropped him!

Heard rumors from school that they’re split up.

Maybe S*zuki will take a hint and stop clinging to Yamato like a puppy

It’d be like kicking a puppy. Suzuki’s mouth went dry. He tossed his phone into his backpack. Did Yamato really see him as a dog, stupidly following him everywhere? He’d played along with the joke that time, but now it stung.

“Romantic troubles?”

Suzuki jumped a foot. Ai was standing right behind him, his quiver slung across his back. He didn’t wait for an invitation to take the empty seat next to Suzuki. Suzuki had thought he’d been alone in this courtyard, but Ai must have had a tracking device implanted in every boy in school.

“I’m not having romantic troubles,” Suzuki lied.

Ai smiled skeptically. “It’s about Yamato, isn’t it?”

Am I really that obvious? Suzuki’s shoulders sagged. “Not you, too.”

“What, is it a secret? Even that nice girl at the café knows.”

Suzuki put his face in his hands. If everyone knew then how could Yamato not? He’s avoiding me, since he realized I’m bad for his image.

Ai patted his knee. “Cheer up! You could do a lot worse than Yamato.”

“Not if he hates me!”

“Why do you think he hates you?”

“He’s been avoiding me,” Suzuki said. “At first, I thought he was working on something, but he wouldn’t tell me anything about it. And don’t say he’s throwing me a surprise party. My birthday isn’t coming up.”

“Hmm, that’s tricky.” Ai rubbed his chin. “He usually shares all his projects with you, right? Maybe he’s seeing someone else?”

Suzuki went cold. He hadn’t considered that possibility. Had Yamato started dating and not told him? No, that couldn’t be. Someone would’ve snapped a picture or started a rumor by now, and the fansites were quiet.

“No.” He shook his head. “He would’ve told me for sure.”

Ai shrugged. “Then he’s probably busy. You shouldn’t get too worked up, Suzuki. Guys like him sometimes have trouble communicating their feelings. He might be focusing so hard that he hasn’t had time to tell you about it. Kurou does the same thing. He gets tunnel-vision when he’s working on a play.”

It made Suzuki feel a little better, but it didn’t inspire confidence. He couldn’t shake the feeling that Yamato was purposefully ducking him.

“Anyway, I’m meeting Sousuke for an archery showdown,” Ai said, standing up. “He’s going to regret challenging me. Are you going to be okay?”

Suzuki nodded. “Thanks for the advice, Ai. Good luck.”

Ai shot him a thumbs-up before he left. Suzuki remained where he was. He didn’t know how long he sat in the courtyard, staring at the flowerbeds. His phone buzzed, snapping him out of it.

It was Yamato. Suzuki had been expecting his manager. His heart thumped rapidly. He opened the message. Hey Suzuki, can you come to the music room?

He was torn. Should he go? Yamato had asked him, but what if it was just to say that they shouldn’t hang out anymore. Or worse, that he didn’t return Suzuki’s feelings, which were apparently so obvious that they could be seen from space? Eventually, Suzuki gathered his courage and went to the music room.

School had finished for the day, so the music room was deserted, except for Yamato and Suzuki. It was quiet. All the clubs were meeting on the other side of Ikemen. Yamato was leaning against the piano, fiddling something. When Suzuki got closer, he realized it was his MP3 player.

“Hey,” Yamato said. He sounded nervous. “Sorry for ghosting you. I was working on an important project.”

A bit of relief crept into Suzuki’s veins. “Really? Why didn’t you just say so?”

Yamato blushed. “Well, uh, it was kind of a surprise. I didn’t know whether it would work out. I, um… here.” He held out the MP3 player. “Listen.”

Suzuki took it. He put an earbud in. There was only one track on the device, untitled. He hit play. A second later, the sound of Yamato’s voice filled his ears. Yamato’s singing voice was wonderful and familiar, but the backing track didn’t sound like his style at all. It sounded more like Suzuki’s music than his, though there was a hint of Yamato there, too. The more Suzuki listened, the more it grew on him. The lyrics were about stars burning bright for centuries, their light stretching across galaxies long after their death, and gazing at the same sky as someone you loved. A lump formed in his throat.

“What do you think?” Yamato asked when Suzuki finished.

“Amazing, like always,” Suzuki said. “Is this going to be on your next album?”

“Actually…” Yamato scuffed the floor. “I was thinking it could be on yours. I wrote it for you to sing, if you want it. I figured it was the least I could do, after you made me that mixtape for my birthday.”

Suzuki couldn’t believe it. Yamato had written him a song. Not just one to listen to, but one to sing. The lump in his throat got bigger. “W-what’s the occasion?” he asked, his voice trembling.

“No reason. I just wanted to do something special, I guess. Do you like it?”

Suzuki nodded vigorously. He couldn’t speak. Before he could stop himself, tears began to flow down his cheeks. I’m so dumb. I thought he was ditching me this whole time, and he was working on a song. For me. He covered his face, but it didn’t stop the noise from escaping. It was like a dam had burst; all of Suzuki’s feelings rushed out in one go.

“What are you crying for?” Yamato asked, gently removing Suzuki’s hands from his face.

Suzuki hiccupped. He was so embarrassed. He hadn’t meant to cry. “I…” he tried to say. “I was afraid you were tired of me.”

Yamato sighed. “I’m not tired of you, Suzu. Have you been paying attention to what those losers online are saying? I told you they’re full of it. Come here.”

He folded Suzuki into his arms. Suzuki let out another involuntary sob. He buried his face in Yamato’s shoulder. It was sturdy and strong. His t-shirt was soft. Yamato alternated between patting his back and rubbing circles.

Eventually, Suzuki cried himself out. He stepped back. Yamato let him go, but he kept his hands on Suzuki’s arms. He was looking at him with concern.

“Are you okay?”

Suzuki nodded and sniffed. “I’ll be fine. I didn’t want it to get to me, but I guess…”

“They’re just bitter and pathetic people who have nothing better to do with their time.” Yamato gathered Suzuki’s hands and held them against his chest. “They’re not real. This is. And any fan of mine who talks that way about you isn’t a real fan. If they can’t love you as much as I do, then that’s their problem.”

Suzuki blinked. He wanted to wipe away a few stray tears, but he didn’t want Yamato to let go of him. “You love me?” he asked, half-stunned.

The realization seemed to come over Yamato at the exact same moment. A blush covered his cheeks. “Did I say that?”

“You did.”

“Well… I mean, of course I do. You’re my best friend.” To Suzuki’s dismay, Yamato dropped his hands. He ran his fingers through his hair, disturbing the spikes. “I thought you already knew that.”

“I do now.” Suzuki smiled, trying to mask his disappointment. I shouldn’t be disappointed at all. Yamato’s friendship is super important to me, too. “I love you, too.”

Yamato blushed deeper. “Alright, alright. Let’s not get carried away.”

Suzuki laughed. This was good. He knew now that Yamato wasn’t going to abandon him. They were still friends. They could continue performing together at school. It would be fun. At least I had a chance to say it to him out loud, even if he doesn’t know how much I really mean it.

Suzuki blocked the anti-café. He had to stop using it to punish himself. Besides, he couldn’t forgive them for leading him to believe Yamato didn’t care about him. He made sure to delete his account too, just in case the urge overpowered him, and he lifted the block.

It’s been fun, he thought. He instantly felt better. Things returned to normal. Suzuki approached his manager with Yamato’s song. He leaned heavily on the idea of marketing it as a collaboration and watched as the yen signs appeared in her eyes. After that, she shocked him by giving him permission to go to Hawai’i.

“If the song does well, we’ll find time for a vacation,” she promised. “I couldn’t answer you before, since there was a lot up in the air, but you deserve some time off.”

“And I can go with Yamato?”

“If your schedules line up, I don’t see why not.”

The next morning, he told Yamato by throwing himself into his arms and shouting, “We’re going to Hawai’i!”

“Your manager said yes?” Yamato said, brightening.

Suzuki nodded. “She said that if the collab works out, then I can go with you. As long as we’re free at the same time. Hawai’i, Yama! Hawai’i!”

Yamato actually swung him around the classroom but stopped short when their homeroom teacher gave them a death-glare. Suzuki let go and jumped back.

“Oops. Sorry, sensei.”

“You’d better concentrate on passing your exams before talking about Hawai’i,” the teacher warned. “And don’t do that again. You could’ve knocked over the desks.”

It didn’t bring Suzuki’s mood down at all. He was walking on air. Later, when his and Yama’s managers called about some kind of music industry party, he agreed to go without hesitation. Yamato was a little more reluctant, but he caved when Suzuki said they could go together.

All in all, life was good. Suzuki still wanted to kiss Yamato. He still wanted to hug him as tightly as possible and tell him how he felt, but he couldn’t bear to mess everything up. Why sabotage a good thing? Yamato clearly only thought of him as a friend.

And that was fine. Everything was fine.

Suzuki enjoyed getting dressed up for public appearances. Yamato didn’t. He always looked uncomfortable in suits. Uncomfortable, yet handsome. Suzuki’s heart felt like it was going to leap out of his chest.

“I hate ties,” Yamato muttered, playing with the end of his.

“Then don’t wear one,” Suzuki said. He stepped forward and undid the knot. “It’s a formal party, but no one will care. See, I think you look just fine without it. Undo a couple buttons, and voila! Rock superstar Yamato is red carpet ready!”

Suzuki might have been mistaken, but Yamato appeared flustered. He turned towards the limousine their managers had arranged to drive them to the event and held open the door for Suzuki.

“After you,” he said.

It was after sunset and traffic was bad. Suzuki checked the time. Unless they learned how to teleport, they were going to be late. Oh well, in that case they’d make an even more striking entrance. Suzuki stretched out, putting his feet up on the seat. They were barely moving.

Yamato, meanwhile, was reading something on his phone. Suzuki didn’t know what it was, but it appeared to be irritating him. He kept frowning. Finally, Yamato tossed the phone into the corner and folded his arms. He huffed, a deep furrow forming between his eyebrows. Suzuki was torn between laughing at his grumpiness and wanting to comfort him.

“What’s up, Yama-kun?” Suzuki asked.

“Oh, it’s…” He stopped, turning pink. “It’s stupid.”

“You did something stupid?” Suzuki knew he sounded a bit too eager, but he couldn’t help it. He was dying to know.

Yamato rolled his eyes. “Yes, actually.”

“Are you going to tell me about it or am I going to have to tickle you for information?” Suzuki wiggled his fingers to demonstrate.

“Don’t!” Yamato pulled his legs up onto the seat, as if to shield himself from Suzuki’s attack. “Jesus, Suzuki we’re in public.”

“No, we’re not. The windows are tinted and the partition’s up. Now tell me what made you so mad.”

Yamato relaxed. He retrieved his phone—which was undamaged—and passed it to Suzuki. Suzuki’s eyes widened. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing: an anti-Yamato fansite. For a few seconds, he just stared at it. Then he began to actually process the words he was looking at.

Yamato’s style totally clashes with Suzuki’s. Don’t know why they’re friends.

Do u remember when he was talking about how “””fake””” Zuzu is? He said in a press conference that ur not a real artist if u don’t write and produce ur own songs. What a snob. Did he ever apologize for that?

Suzuki laughed out loud. He glanced at Yamato. “They have a point. Did you ever apologize to me?”

“It’s not funny.”

“It is!” Suzuki kept scrolling. “This whole time you were telling me not to pay attention to the haters and you didn’t even follow your own advice. Aww, Yama, don’t feel bad. Wait a minute.”

There was a new reply to one of the comments by a user named, “st4rpower826.”

Do you guys ever get tired of talking trash behind the safety of your computer screens? Why don’t you say this stuff to Suzuki’s face and see how he takes it. Last I heard, he and Yamato were still really close. He doesn’t get mad until you insult his friends. If you actually cared about him, you wouldn’t do this.

It had a bunch of negative replies. Suzuki looked at Yamato again. Yamato was chewing on his lip.

“Is this you?” Suzuki asked, pointing at the screen.

“That could be anyone.”

“It’s you! You made an account!” Suzuki grabbed Yamato’s shoulder and shook it. He was laughing uncontrollably now. “You made an account so you could fight with them! Oh my God. That’s my birthday in your username!”

Yamato’s ears were growing steadily redder. “You have to make an account to read the message boards,” he muttered. “You know that. Someone was going to come along and tell them off eventually. Might as well be me.”

“How did you get that username? That’s, like, a prime fandom username. When I went on the anti-Suzuki boards, YamaFan#1 was taken.”

“No one else spelled with a four for the A.”

Suzuki was still giggling. He continued scrolling. “How long did you have this?”

“I went searching for one about me the same night you went on yours. I was curious.” Yamato smiled sheepishly. “I could take all the garbage they spewed about me but when they started throwing you into the mix, I got really upset. So I fought back. Didn’t do much good though.”

“These people say we’re so different, but we actually have lots in common, huh?”

“Yeah…”

“Oh, here’s a familiar one: ‘Suzuki is friends with Yamato for fanservice. Yamato wouldn’t be as popular if people didn’t think he was gay for Suzuki.’ People were saying the same stuff on my anti-site.”

Yamato’s blush had spread down his neck. “They’re crazy.”

“I know.” Suzuki turned the screen off. “You shouldn’t get into fights with people online, even if they are being jerks. We know the truth.”

Yamato nodded. He rubbed the back of his neck. “You know, it was really stupid, but I started to get scared that they might be right. Just for a second. Seeing all that old stuff I said made me wonder if you were still angry with me, and you were pretending not to hate me for the sake of getting along.”

“I don’t hate you, Yama.” Suzuki kneaded Yamato’s shoulder. “I’ve always thought you were cool, even when you were criticizing me. I could never hate you. Do you wanna know why?”

“Sure,” Yamato said, his lips quirking into a smile.

Suzuki kissed him. His heart was pounding a mile a minute, but he had never felt more sure of anything in his life before. The hand on Yamato’s shoulder was steady. When he pulled away, Yamato was staring at him, his eyes huge.

“It’s because I love you,” Suzuki said. And because he couldn’t help it, he winked.

The words were barely out of his mouth before Yamato returned the kiss. It took Suzuki by surprise, almost knocking him backward. He managed to hold himself up by catching hold of Yamato’s other shoulder. The realization that Yamato was kissing him sank in about two seconds later. Suzuki’s imagination had been lacking. Actually kissing Yamato was better than anything he could’ve dreamed up.

Yamato was holding him, one hand braced against the small of Suzuki’s back, the other cupping his chin. His mouth was soft and smooth and warm. Suzuki tasted a hint of lip balm. He leaned into the kiss, following Yamato’s movements. Then, Yamato pulled Suzuki onto his lap. Both hands slid to Suzuki’s hips.

“Suzuki,” Yamato breathed.

“What?”

“I don’t want to go to this party. Do you?”

Suzuki didn’t have to think about it. “No.”

He gave Yamato another lingering kiss as he got off his lap, then went to knock on the partition. It rolled down about halfway. Suzuki held up a hand in apology.

“Sorry,” he said, “but could you take us back to Yamato’s place?”

The next morning was strange. After they’d been dropped off at Yamato’s house, he and Suzuki had spent the rest of the night watching movies and making out. When they were too tired to keep their eyes open a second longer, Yamato let Suzuki borrow a t-shirt and pair of pajama pants, and they had fallen asleep in his room.

Suzuki woke up thinking last night had been a dream. He wasn’t surprised by coming to in Yamato’s room. (They had sleepovers all the time.) What reminded him that it was real was feeling the weight of Yamato’s arm around him. Suzuki bit back a fresh fit of giggles. He couldn’t believe it. He had kissed Yamato last night. Yamato had kissed him back.

Yamato stirred and lifted his head. It seemed to take him a minute as well. Then he smiled. He kissed Suzuki’s cheek. “Good morning,” he said softly.

“Good morning,” Suzuki repeated. He wondered if they could get away with staying in bed all day. Their phones had been blowing up all night, to the point where they’d set them to silent and left them in the living room.

Yamato groped for his alarm clock. “It’s almost noon.”

“My manager is probably going crazy right now because I didn’t show up.” He laughed at that. She was going to kill him later, but there were other things on his mind right now. “Is there anything important going on today?”

“No. There’s just you.” Yamato nestled himself against Suzuki again.

“We can stay in today,” Suzuki suggested. “We’ll play video games and make pancakes.”

“And make out,” Yamato added. He stuck his tongue out and wiggled it around.

Suzuki slapped his hand over Yamato’s mouth, laughing helplessly. “Gross! Don’t do that. You’re not a member of KISS.”

Yamato laughed as well. He let go of Suzuki and rolled out of bed. “Come on. I’ll make you pancakes. I bought blueberries.”

The apartment complex was quiet. Everyone was either sleeping in or out. Suzuki helped Yamato get out the mixing bowl and the skillet. There were, in fact, blueberries in the fridge. (Suzuki may have helped himself to a few before putting some in the batter.) Yamato started a pot of coffee, promising Suzuki that he still had the French vanilla creamer he liked.

While they were waiting to flip the first pancake, Suzuki decided to bring up the question that had been on his mind since he’d gotten out of bed. “So… are we boyfriends now?”

To his credit, Yamato wasn’t caught off-guard, though he did hesitate. “I don’t know. I want to be,” he said. “Things are different for us.”

“I’d be fine dating you in secret. Plenty of celebrities do it.”

“Me too, but I don’t know how long we could keep it up. There’s a lot of stress involved.” Yamato did the flip. It was clean. He passed the spatula to Suzuki. “It would definitely make some of our fans happy.”

Suzuki grinned. “Maybe that’s how we should justify it to our managers.”

“Yikes,” Yamato said. “Honestly, I don’t want to think about it right now. I just want to eat and destroy you at Mario Kart again. We can talk about the serious stuff later.”

“Can’t you go easy on me?” Suzuki whined. “I’m your boyfriend.”

“What makes you think I’d go easy on you just because we’re dating now? I never let you win when we were friends and that’s not going to change now.”

“You’re so mean.” Suzuki pulled his eyelid and stuck out his tongue. “Yama-kun’s a bad boyfriend. I’m gonna tell the whole world, so no one will steal you from me.”

Yamato laughed. He put an arm around Suzuki’s waist and brought him in for a kiss. “No one could steal me from you,” he said when they separated. “I love you.”

Suzuki put his head on Yamato’s shoulder. Life was good. The world might as well be limited to this small kitchen. To him and Yamato, and no one else. “Love you, too.”

#notice me senpai #skillshot labs #fanfic #oneshot #fluff #light angst

1 note · View note