#was in a situation where I was trying jalapeño on pizza a bit ago

[freepassbound]

26! how’s your spice tolerance?

Pretty good for a Midwestern white guy! 😂😂😂

Actually, I've gotten a lot better about it in my middle age - I was a super picky eater as a kid, and basically wouldn't eat anything at all spicy. Now... well, I get medium whenever I get Indian or Thai, and I make fairly liberal use of curry powder on rice at home from time to time.

[radiantroope]

Ruins || Pope Heyward

pairing: pope x reader

mentions: john b x reader if you squint, jj, kiara

requested: no

summary: pope forces you to come clean about your feelings and his reaction isn’t what you hoped.

warnings: angst, a swear word or two, underage drinking

word count: 2.4k+

author’s note: don’t ask where this came from, i was in an angsty mood. there’s a lil fluff but it’s mostly angst. finally felt the urge to write and this was the result <3 i also haven’t edited this yet so sorry for any grammatical errors

masterlist | add yourself to my tag list

Pope Heyward was your best friend in the whole world. Sure, you had Kiara, JJ, and John B — but Pope was your person. He was a breath of fresh air when you broke the surface of the ocean’s waves. He was a cold glass of water on a hot Summer's day. He was your anchor when you felt like the weight of growing up was going to crush you.

The two of you had grown up together thanks to the close friendship of your mothers. You realized your feelings for him ran deeper when you were thirteen. 

It had been a day of surfing for the Pogues. Your board glided through the water effortlessly and you tried out some tricks you'd learned over the years. Though, the end of your board tipped a little too far and you were sent tumbling into the water. Everyone had laughed seeing you wipe out, until you didn't immediately resurface.

"Y/N!" Pope screamed, only seeing your board floating on the water.

The Pogues laid on their boards and paddled as quick as they could towards the lonesome object in the water. You would've thought Pope was in the Olympics with how quickly he moved through the saltwater, as if his life depended on it. Just as he reached the board, you broke the surface, desperately gasping for air.

"Y/N," Pope breathed, sliding off his board and helping you back into your own. The sea water momentarily blinded you and you were slapping the water trying to find it. "Breathe, you're okay," he muttered as you straddled your board and coughed harshly.

Once you had finally caught your breath and your coughing had subsided, you looked at your best friend. He was wading the water with one hand on your board, the other rubbing over your back in a soothing fashion. The utter fear in his eyes made your breath hitch as he stared up at you.

"You scared the hell out of me," Pope said through a small laugh but the concerned look never left his face. His hand lingered on your lower back and made goosebumps rise on your skin. He removed it only to grab your hand and squeeze it gently.

You smiled softly at him and returned the squeeze, whispering, "I'm sorry. I'm okay."

Pope gave you a small smile and brought your hand to his lips, placing a quick kiss on the top of it. After that, everyone decided to call it a day. You're incident had given them all a scare and they weren't going to risk something happening again.

That was three years ago. You'd gone three years harboring these feelings for your best friend that you couldn't shake. John B and JJ were no strangers to your feelings. They saw the way you looked at Pope, longing and desperate. A look that was never returned — instead given to the other girl of the group.

That's where you were now, sitting on the edge of the HMS Pogue as John B drove it through the marsh. The sun had started to set and you all decided to head back for the Chateau for some much needed dinner. You'd managed to scrounge up some money picking up shifts with Heyward and decided to order pizza.

Your sunglasses were pulled down over your eyes and you couldn't tear them away from the scene in front of you. Pope and Kiara sat at the back of the boat, shoulder to shoulder. The stunning brunette girl kept giggling at whatever Pope said, playfully slapping at his chest. Pope's eyes were fixated on her, a shining smile adorning his face that grew wider each time Kiara laughed.

Your jaw was set tight — lips pursed. Your eyes tore away from them when you felt a kick against your foot. JJ was laid out on the deck, leaning his weight on his elbow. He'd been watching you glare daggers into the other two for the last ten minutes.

"You okay?" JJ's voice wasn't audible, he simply mouthed the words. He knew the answer but he was hoping you wouldn’t lie to him for once.

The nod you sent him caused him to give you a look that said, I know that's not true. You looked away, instead watching as the Chateau came into view. You stood and moved to other side of the small boat to tie it off.

John B got up to assist you as you watched JJ, Pope and Kiara exit the boat. The curly haired girl shrieked as Pope hoisted her in the air and went running up the dock with her over his shoulder. You felt your chest tighten and looked down to focus on the knot your shaking hands attempted to tie.

"Y/N, maybe you should tell him," John B suggested, knowing the others were far enough away they wouldn't hear him. He was the only one you’d explicitly told how you felt.

"And ruin everything? Yeah, I'd rather let heartbreak eat away at me than be humiliated when he says he doesn't feel the same way," you scoffed and grabbed your backpack off the deck.

"How do you know he doesn't?"

You were standing on the dock now, typing the number of your favorite pizza place into your phone. You looked at John B incredulously and let out a humorless laugh, "Did you completely miss what happened all day? He's practically in love with Kiara, JB. He barely said a word to me cause he was so transfixed on her. I'm not going to let my feelings complicate things within the group."

Your snappy tone and the way you walked away with your phone to your ear signaled the end of that conversation. John B's lips turned down in a frown as he watched you go. He could see the pain in your eyes and it upset him that you were so hurt. The truth was, even he didn't know if Pope reciprocated your feelings. It really did seem like that boy was putting all his eggs in Kiara's basket.

You placed the order as you made your way into the Chateau and towards John B's bedroom to change. One large supreme, one large hawaiian, and two large pepperoni and jalapeño. When you got to splurge on eating out, you did it right — even if you didn't finish it all, eating cold pizza in the morning while nursing a hangover was heavenly.

You closed John B's door and changed into a sports bra and a hoodie. You put on a fresh pair of undies and slipped your jean shorts back on. When you stayed at the Chateau, you typically slept on the pullout with Kiara, but your things were kept in the Routledge boy's room, which he didn't mind. Seeing all of his friends things everywhere made him feel like he wasn't so alone, distracting him from the fact that his father was no longer there.

Twenty minutes later you were all crowded in the living room digging into the boxes of pizza littering the coffee table. Moans of satisfaction left each of your mouths and everyone thanked you for generously splurging on the feast. You waved them all off, insisting it was no big deal. It was rare for The Pogues to ever have this opportunity unless Mr. Carrera gave you scraps at The Wreck that would've been thrown out anyway.

You'd been nursing your second beer of the night for almost an hour while JJ and John B were well into their sixth. Kiara was on her fourth and Pope had barely taken a sip of one. You don't know if it was because of the alcohol but seeing the curly haired girl across from you offer a bite of her half eaten slice of hawaiian to Pope, that without hesitation he bit into, made your blood boil. Your brow furrowed and you averted your gaze your crumb ridden paper plate.

"Pope, stop! Just let me have a bite!" you heard Kiara whine, knowing the boy was offering her a bite of his supreme but pulled it away whenever her lips got close — something he used to do with you.

You downed your beer in record time, catching the attention of a curly haired brunette boy and a shaggy haired blonde. You got up from your spot on the floor and walked into the kitchen, slamming your empty can on the counter. You grabbed a new one from the fridge and exited the Chateau without a word to anyone. You weren't usually much of a drinker so it was a bit surprising to them all.

The hammock that was gently blowing in the wind was calling your name, despite how many nights you remember being curled up under Pope's arm on it. You flopped down and cracked open your beer, staring out into the darkness around you. All you could hear was the gentle sound of moving water, crickets chirping happily in the grass and leaves brushing together in the wind.

You didn’t want to be mad at Kiara or Pope. It wasn’t their fault you had these feelings that wouldn’t go away. It’s not their fault you couldn’t build up the nerve to tell Pope how you felt or how much it bothered you that he was always all over Kiara. But when you saw them together this overwhelming sense of rage filled your body, rage you’d never before experienced. Sometimes you wished you couldn’t feel anything at all and maybe you wouldn’t be in this situation.

“Hey,” you were pulled out of your daze by Pope’s voice.

You could see him walking towards you in the dark and you tried to muster a smile. He didn’t sit himself on the hammock beside you like he normally would, instead he stood in front of you with his arms crossed over his chest. You took a sip of your beer and averted your gaze to your lap, feeling scrutinized by his amber colored eyes.

“What’s wrong?”

You shook your head and bit the inside of your cheek as you mumbled out, “Nothing.”

“Don’t lie to me, Y/N. You’ve been acting weird all day,” the sharpness of Pope’s tone caused a pit in your stomach. He was always so calm and gentle with you, despite an outburst, but now he seemed upset. “You’ve been mean to Kie all day and everyone’s noticed.”

You couldn’t stop the roll of your eyes when he mentioned the other girl. To him, it’s all about her. Your jaw set tight and you didn’t answer him. Anything that came out of your mouth in that moment was only going to make everything worse.

“You swore you’d never lie to me,” Pope stated, a desperate tone to his voice now. “That’s our golden rule. You swore.”

Memories flashed in your mind, back to when you and Pope were only eight years old.

“We have to promise, no matter what, we won’t ever lie to each other. Lies tear friendships apart and I never want that to happen to us,” Pope’s voice was so innocent but his words were so powerful. His big doe eyes stared into your own as he held his pinky out to you.

“I swear i’ll never lie to you Pope. You’re my best friend in the whole world,” you sealed it by wrapping your pinky around his own, toothy grins on display.

The founding principle of your friendship was honesty — something that transcended with the other Pogues when you befriended them. Pogues don’t lie to Pogues. But you weren’t lying, you were just protecting yourself, him and your friendship with the others. Though, something about his words sparked something in you.

“I’ve been acting weird because you’re too god damn oblivious for your own good,” you desperately tried to keep your voice calm and level. “I’ve been mean to Kie because watching you throw yourself at her is ripping me in two and you don’t even see it.”

Pope stared at you, not knowing how to react to your confession. He blinked and waited for you to continue, knowing once you started you couldn’t stop.

“I’ve tried so hard to not let my feelings interfere with our friendship but I can’t pretend anymore. I cant pretend I haven’t been in love with you for the last three years, probably more, and that I don’t wish I was the one you were cuddled up with on the boat or sharing your pizza with. Watching you fall in love with someone else is more painful than anything I’ve ever known, Pope, and you’re blind to it.”

Hot tears were now running down your cheeks. You searched your best friend’s face for any sort of reaction. He had this look in his eyes that you couldn’t read and the pit in your stomach grew. He doesn’t feel the same way.

“I-I don’t know what to say,” Pope’s voice trailed off as he hugged his arms around himself tighter.

Everything came crumbling around you as you fought back the sobs in your chest. You got up from the hammock and tried to make your escape. He reached for your arm but you shrugged him off. She was giving you this look that said I’m so sorry, but you didn’t want his sympathy. It’s not his fault your feelings were one sided. You just couldn’t help but feel like you’d just ruined everything.

You burst back into the Chateau, tear stains on your cheeks and hot, fresh tears blurring your vision. You walked past the other’s who were still gathered in the living room. You tried to gather your things from John B’s room as fast as you could, shoving them into the backpack you kept in the corner.

“Hey, hey,” John B’s voice was gentle as he came up behind you.

“I told you! I told you it would ruin everything!” you wailed and fought against the boy’s grip on your shoulders.

You just wanted to leave but John B wasn’t going to let you in your current state. He pulled you back and collapsed on the floor, back against his bed as you fell into his chest between his legs. You curled into him and sobbed against his neck. Ugly, throat tearing cries left your mouth.

John B squeezed you close with one arm and the other held the back of your head. He shushed you gently and whispered empty promises that everything would be okay. He made eye contact with JJ who stood in the doorway, an uneasy look swimming in his cerulean eyes.

Deep down the three of you knew that everything was going to change.

tags: @ims0golden @jjmaybcnks @letsgofullkook @queenk00k @jjmbanks @sortagaysortahigh @jjsmentalpolaroids