#was a symbol of his rebirth. how Buck stumbled after that rebirth but then had his bi awakening

[stagefoureddiediaz]

Ohhhh! Ohhhhh!

So you know how the well call was about Eddie - how Chim was the second character involved (as in went into the well) but the call back was about Chim.

And how the lightning strike was about Buck - how Eddie was the second character involved (as in also up the ladder) but the callback was about Eddie.

How Eddie had to lower Buck to the ground to save him and had to watch on before he could take action - how in the call back buck is the one watching on as Eddie is able to wake up the stunt man who is hanging.

How Chim found his certainty about his family growing in the callback - much like Eddie found certainty about his own family dynamic changing in the well (hello will). How Chim went home and spoke to Maddie - how they had an open and honest conversation after all the miscommunication leading up to it. How Chim and Eddie’s take aways from the well calls were basically positive ones.

How the lightning strike call back is a play on Eddie’s needing to wake himself up. In the same way Buck needed to figure out things for himself in his coma dream, Eddie needs to learn from the lightning strike parallel that he has to be the one to wake himself up.

How Buck will stand at Eddie’s side - silently mourning as he plans to leave in the same way Eddie stood at bucks bedside silently mourning as buck lay in a coma - because there aren’t the words and it’s something each of them had to do alone.

How the callback is foreshadowing Eddie waking himself up - panicking and then worrying about if his sacrifice was worth it (did they get the shot).

How after the lightning strike Buck was looking for himself and ultimately went to Eddie’s for peace - how he was able to be silent (as he slept on the couch) - but how they then had a conversation. How they actually had two conversations (kitchen and graveside) and we had miscommunications in those conversations.

How in the aftermath of the callback Eddie has been looking for himself (risky business dance) and how he ended up in the couch in silence with buck (Eddie being in the same place as buck was in s6 when he went to Eddie’s). How Eddie found a connection with someone outside of the firefam with a unique perspective on the situation (a Brad Natalia parallel was not on my bingo card but here we are) and how that has lead to Eddie’s decision and then a conversation with Buck.

[marcia-elena]

Eddie Begins - 3x15 meta

There's something about Eddie Begins that stood out to me but that I haven't seen anyone talk about yet. And that's how much birth imagery this episode had.

The episode literally starts with a birth--Christopher's--and Shannon pushing hard to bring her baby into the world. Eddie's there with her to welcome their son, and while he's not the first one to hold the baby he gets to cut the umbilical cord, an action that's required for Christopher to become a whole separate person; while he stills needs to be cared for, he's no longer physically connected to his mother. Eddie will 'cut the cord' twice more in the course of the episode, once literally and once figuratively.

The story shifts then to the rescue of a little boy who fell into a narrow well pipe and got stuck, and that immediately brings to mind the circumstances of Christopher's birth, who got stuck in the birth canal during labor--and yes, we don't see that happen in this episode, but I choose to view that omittance not as a continuity error but simply as having happened before the opening scene starts.

A tunnel is drilled parallel to the well pipe so the 118 can try to reach the trapped boy, Hayden, and Eddie volunteers for the task. Bobby tells him he has thirty minutes to find and free the boy, because the heavy rains they're under are making the tunnel walls unstable and flooding the underground system. Eddie is lowered into the tunnel and he finds Hayden, but there are unforeseen complications, and just as he's getting the boy out his team starts bringing him back up because the time he had is over, and he loses his grip on Hayden. Eddie doesn't want to leave Hayden to drown, so he cuts the line and slides all the way to the bottom, and now he's also stuck down there.

This is the literal cutting of the cord; in this instance, Eddie does it knowing beyond any doubt that his team will do everything in their power to help him and Hayden out of the trouble they're in. He trusts them with his life. In contrast, there's the flashback where Eddie's parents are urging him to relinquish custody of Christopher to them. Instead of showing pride in Eddie's efforts to provide for his son, instead of offering assistance, they try to make him feel guilty for not having been present in Christopher's life before. And it's here that Eddie cuts the cord in a figurative sense, by choosing to take Christopher to LA with him, away from his parents and whatever support system he'd had until then. He's freeing himself from them, following his own instincts. And it's in LA, with the 118 (and most specifically, Buck) that Eddie will find the kind of faith and support and unconditional love that his blood family failed to show him.

Underground, Eddie manages to pull Hayden all the way out of the well pipe, again mirroring a birth, and after Chim comes down to check on Eddie he takes Hayden with him back to the surface, into the safety of his mother's arms. Eddie's still down at the bottom waiting for a line when the storm that's been raging outside causes the walls of the tunnel to collapse, essentially burying him alive.

(Topside, Buck desperately tries to get to Eddie by clawing at the muddy ground with his bare hands; it's a futile endeavor, but one that speaks of the scope and intensity of his feelings for Eddie. The deeper the love, the more devastating the grief.)

The 118 doesn't know for sure if Eddie's alive or dead. And they're not giving up on him, but they're aware that the chances of saving him are slim. Eddie, in the meantime, is still alive but trapped. And he too will come to realize that his team can't reach him, and that he's going to have to fight for himself.

The water rises fast. The little oxygen that Eddie has runs out. He's faced with his own inevitable, and now imminent, death. But Eddie doesn't quit; just as he kept up hope in Afghanistan, just as he didn't give up on Hayden. When faced with certain death he doesn't surrender himself to it. Death will arrive, but while there's still breath in him Eddie chooses to try. That's what he's always doing--trying the best he can. And as it's often the case in life, for him now the only way out is through.

So Eddie takes a deep breath, and he dives into the water and swims. The cold is numbing and the air he's holding in his lungs won't last very long. Blackness threatens to engulf him. Eddie is now in a liminal space, poised on the very threshold between life and death. This, also, can be interpreted as birth imagery. Because what is birth if not a moment of transition? In the womb the baby is waiting, suspended in amniotic fluid where it's dark and quiet. As the mother's body goes into labor the baby is forced out into a larger world where light and noise await. The baby is alive in its mother's womb, but it's not until it's born that it can truly experience life.

There are also spiritual/religious undertones to Eddie's predicament--it can be said that Eddie is now in the underworld, a purgatory of sorts. An intermediate state where he might be purged of his sins before being allowed to rest.

Eddie relives key moments of his life, and they're all about the family he's made for himself and Christopher with Buck and the 118. It can be said that Eddie's greatest fear, and the core of his insecurities, is the sense of not being enough. It's what he confesses to Bobby when he talks about Shannon and how she'd asked for a divorce just before her fatal accident; it's what he tells his superiors in Afghanistan after saving the lives of his unit; it's what his own parents imply when they tell him that Christopher would be better off with them instead of Eddie. But here in this moment out of time, I think that Eddie looks at his accomplishments and his shortcomings and finally accepts and forgives himself. As long as he's giving his all, he is enough.

Driven by his love for his son, Eddie finds the strength to swim all the way back to the surface. His time isn't up yet, and the kind of rest that he's seeking isn't the unbroken sleep of death or an idealized Heaven, but the comfort of home.

Water symbolizes, among other things, healing and cleansing and renewal. Rebirth. So as Eddie breaks out of the water and fills his aching lungs with fresh air it's as if he's taking his first breath all over again.

Buck and Bobby and Hen all rush to Eddie's side as he staggers toward them, and when he stumbles and falls from exhaustion they lift him back up. They're all supporting him, physically and emotionally, and Buck is not only helping Eddie stay on his feet, he's lending Eddie some extra strength and reassurance by also holding his hand, just as Eddie did with Shannon when she was straining to give Christopher his final push into the world. (Just as Eddie did when he held Buck's hand when Buck was pinned under the ladder truck.) With that simple gesture Buck is telling Eddie louder than the others: "I'm here; you're not alone."

Christopher has taught Eddie to be a nurturing parent; and from Buck, the person who's closest to him, Eddie has been learning that it's okay to need and receive support, to openly express his feelings. He's been reconciling those parts of himself, embracing the more tender aspects of his personality that are associated with a more feminine energy, eschewing the toxic masculinity and the pent-up anger that led him to the fighting cage.

Is Eddie a completely changed man now after this recent brush with death? Probably not. Growth doesn't happen all at once, so he probably still has a ways to go. And that's just fine.

This, after all, is only Eddie's beginning.

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