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meowkn · 9 months ago

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𝐹𝒶𝓁𝓈𝑒 𝓈𝒶𝒾𝓃𝓉

Warnings- light smut, use of cannibalism as a metaphor for love.

Word count- 5kish

𓍯 ִֶָ .「 ✦ False saint ✦ 」

I want you to always remember me. Will you remember that I existed, that I stood next to you here like this? You were always so fragile in the morning, unable to hold onto anything long enough to care about it. You can’t pretend that we always keep what we find. Everybody splits apart, living in the wake of the overwhelming changes. We’ve become strangers, even to ourselves. I believed you, when you told me that we’d never be apart. And so maybe that was more my fault than it was yours. We were once evidence of a love that transcends hunger, I still remember what you told me, “To be loved means to be consumed. To love means to radiate with inexhaustible light. To be loved is to pass away, to love is to endure.” You said that after our first night together, and so those words remain biblical to me. I still miss you to pieces.

You’re somewhere with light touching you.

╰── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──╯

I dipped my hands in holy water just to touch him.

The first rain shower was always the gloomiest, especially in this town. They always told you that April showers bring May flowers, but for you it just brought back the aching feeling of fruitlessness. You’ve gotten used to the emptiness over the years, the sound of the hollow floorboards creaking underneath your feet as you walk around the pier, the wooden boards weathered and worn, familiar and comforting. This is how a girl becomes holy; she becomes empty. The pitter patter of the rain echoed around your feet, the gentle breeze blowing around you like a mothers caress. You felt a hand grab your wrist, pulling you out of your thoughts. The blur of soft blonde hair awakened your senses as the fruitless sensation left your chest. His bright blue eyes and mellow aura blurred in your blurred vision stood out to you as he spoke to you.

“I knew I’d find you here.” His voice rang out, flashing you his usual boyish smile. Recently you’ve grown acquainted with a boy, for the first time, in what? Years? It was strange, you saw him next to the pier, your pier, that has now become his as well. He muted the aching feeling that was in your head, so you kept him around. He was nice enough, a little sheepish, but still undeniably charming.

You looked up at his face, the dim light caressing the contours of it. The sound of his voice immediately filled you with a sense of solace. His words rang through your ears as he spoke to you. He knew where to find you. Of course he did. He had learned you and your habits well enough to know that in times of melancholy you’d be found out here; on the pier; watching the rain fall as the baroness of the town enveloped you. Without you realizing, he had learned your secrets, and now he was taking what he had learned and using it to seek you out. Have you really become this easy?

This boy was dangerous and you knew it.

He held your wrist tightly, pulling you away from the pier and taking you further down the shore. The rain had slowed down to a gentle drizzle and the clouds were beginning to break away. You were surprised at the suddenness with which he was dragging you so far away from the pier, but you went along with it, curious to see where he could be taking you, or maybe it was the feeling of comfort his hand around your wrist gave you that made you follow him. “Armin, where are we going?” You asked, your voice quiet from not using it all, you were getting more curious as he continued to lead you away from the pier, dragging you deeper and deeper into the woods. Your senses were beginning to sharpen as the rain and clouds cleared, and the forest around you was becoming more vivid and detailed. The trees were tall and thick, and the dirt path under your feet soft and loamy, the scent of the lush greenery around you filling your nose with a fresh and gentle fragrance. You’ve always enjoyed the smell after it rains.

“I want to show you something.” He said, flashing you a lazy smile over his shoulder, his hair falling perfectly into his eyes, you never understood how someone could look so, seraphic. His gaze lingered on you for a moment before quickly leading you further into the woods. Armin finally came to a sudden stop, turning to look at you with an expectant expression. You had no idea what he wanted to show you, or even why you followed him blindly into the woods. The wind had kicked up and the trees were swaying in the breeze, the birds singing softly in the branches. There was a small clearing, covered in rich green grass, which was dotted with patches of clover and wildflowers. It was idyllic. He led you through the clearing before stopping once more, pulling you closer to him and bringing you to a sudden stop. His eyes locked with yours, and a soft smile of longing crossed his features. He was staring at you with such intensity, it felt like you could get lost in those eyes of his. The thought made you dizzy.

“Look up here, look towards the sky.” He said softly, his hand wrapping around yours and pulling you with him as he reached up towards the sky. “Can you see it?” He whispered softly, leaning even closer to you and bringing his face within inches of yours. His eyes were shining brightly, they looked like heaven. Whenever you looked at him you realized just how fragile and unholy you truly were, you wanted him to make you holy, with that little boyish smile and curls of blonde that could only be described as the purest thing. “You wanted to show me… The sky?” You hesitated, looking up at the sky, there wasn’t anything notable about it. The clouds were clearing up and the stars were dim in the vastness of the early night. You could hear the laughter in his voice as he pulled you down with him, sitting on the grassy floor of the forest. “You never look at it.” He whispered, drawing you even closer. His arm falling over your shoulders as he pointed up to the sky. “Do you know why they call it a skyline? Because it’s the edge of the horizon, you can’t see any further than that. But if you look up, you can see much, much further than that. There’s so much beauty in the night sky, so much promise.” He says, his voice longing for something, something that belonged to him, his eyes brighter than the stars themself. He was pointing at the stars but you were looking at his hand.

Armin thought you had a lot in common with the stars; it’s light and it’s beauty, and how distant they were. But he would never tell you that. He gently kissed your hair as you tried to see the beauty in what the two of you were looking at. He wondered if you knew that he wasn’t talking about the stars, and instead was talking about you.

Swoony type, soft hair, bedroom eyes, cheeks like wine, lips of honey. He adored you, you were so soft, so diabolically angelic looking.

“I don’t get it.” You sighed, leaning back on your hands as you glanced over at Armin. He smiled at you like you had missed the most obvious thing in the world, you couldn’t help but roll your eyes and return your gaze to the sky. “Just trust me alright? It might not be something that everyone always sees, but it’s still there. It’s always there, waiting for you to notice it.” He said, sitting up as the wind danced through his hair. He chuckled softly, his eyes twinkling, and dimples appearing on his cheeks. “Maybe if your head wasn’t always down you’d understand.” He flicked your forehead, enjoying the way your eyes widened and cheeks flushed. “Never looking up to see the world from a different angle.” He was teasing you, Armin Alert was, actually, teasing you. You scoffed and rolled your eyes at his audacity. “And you really ought to look up more often, I can see it now, the stars reflecting in your eyes.” He said, tilting his head as he analyzed you.

“Yeah, sure whatever. I can’t believe you dragged me away from the pier for this.” You replied sarcastically, nudging him. He smiled, his lips curling up into a boyish grin. “I promise, you don’t mind.” He said softly, bringing his face closer to you and your eyes once again locked with each other. His breath was warm against your skin, his eyes shining in the darkness. He was still holding your wrist, the way his hand held yours made your heart beat faster. He was good at that, playing with your emotions in this way, never letting anything happen completely straight to the point, there always had to be some sort of push and pull between you both, a little game you’ve been playing. You snort and roll your eyes, your eyes drifting away from him, the dreamy look in his eyes is starting to get to you. “Oh come on, as if you’d rather be watching that dreary view of the ocean instead of having a bit of fun by the moonlight.” He said, gently shaking you by your shoulders, as if trying to shake the thoughts of calamity out of you. “We all deserve a little bit of magic in our lives, even you, Ms. Cynical.”

How could someone cynical be ready to bleed at your hands? You could have shown me your thorns and I would’ve showed you hands ready to bleed. I desired very little, but the things I did always consumed me. I can still remember when too much was never enough. I wonder if I still remain the cynical one to you after everything?

“I am not cynical.” You groan softly, you wanted to be annoyed at him, but you never really could, could you? His starry eyes that shined brighter than the stars you were supposed to be watching, always brought the smallest of smiles to your face. “Oh, come on.” He says playfully, lifting his hands from his shoulders and tucking your hair behind your ear, his fingers grazing against your cheek. “Of all the things I’ve said tonight, that’s the one you take umbrage with?” He chuckles softly, the twinkle in his eyes returning. “It’s kind of cute.”

You roll your eyes again, looking away from him.

“Don’t be like that.” He whispers softly as he scoots closer to you, the scent of his cologne filling the air and the heat of his body radiating off of him. He cups your face with both hands, his fingers caressing your cheeks, guiding your gaze back to him as he pulls you in close. “The way your eyes glint in the moonlight, the way your hair spills down your back- it’s like staring into a million stars. I can’t take my eyes off of you, so please, please don’t look away.”

You gulped.

He was so pure, he was practically glowing as he stared into your eyes.

I shall eat your heart.

He chuckled softly, the sound like a chime from the heavens. He continued to lean closer, his lips brushing against your ear. “I make you nervous, don’t I? Am I making you nervous? I like making you nervous.” He whispered. He could feel how breathless you were, the way your eyes dilated whenever your eyes met his. The heat of his touch was almost overpowering. “I’m not…” You muttered, you wanted to say more, but your words were lost in your throat, choking you. He hummed in response, obviously taking your words with a grain of salt. His mouth hovering just an inch away from your own and his breath filling the space between you. His eyes staring deeply into yours. “Don’t look at me like that…” You whisper, each breath you take catching in your throat. But his eyes were already locked on you, his gaze holding your own, and his mouth already hovering just inches from yours. It was surreal, the tension rising between the two of you like pressure of an oncoming thunderstorm.

I can’t look into your eyes, but they’re all I think about. I memorized your face as if it’s my mirror, or a prayer that needs to be said every night. I will forget my name before I forget you. My days are consumed by this impotent longing for you, and my nights are riddled with insufferable dreams. . . . . I wanted you. I wanted you hungrily, frenziedly, passionately, I was starving for you, I still am, if you must know it. What lived and died between us — haunts me still.

His breath whispered across your lips, you could feel it on your skin, hot against the cool night air. His hands had slowly moved to the side of your face, and they now cradled it softly, holding you in place so you could not move, his thumb brushing against your cheek. Every sense you had was heightened, and you could feel everything; the soft grass under your feet, the scent of flowers mixing with his cologne, the warmth of his breath, the vibrant intensity of his eyes, the subtle contact his clothes were making with yours. All your thoughts of reason had faded away, all that remained was the two of you standing underneath the pale moonlight. His blonde hair blurred in your vision as his lips met yours with a soft passion that could have been misidentified as a promise. Armin had fallen in love with you long before your first kiss, though. He loved you more than he had ever loved anyone before that moment. He thinks he loved you more than he’s ever loved anyone after that moment. The stars will go out before he ever forgets you. Just as your mind caught up with your heart, a sudden flash of thunder and lightning in the distance jolted you out of the moment. He laughs as he pulls away, his smile lighting up the night around you, his face glistening with the rain. “It’s raining.” He states, holding his hand up to catch the rain in the palm of his hand. “Thanks for stating the obvious.” You laugh softly, rolling your eyes. As you looked up at Armin, you noticed his hair was soaking wet and hanging lazily over his face, still with that boyish grin, in this moonlight he looked angelic.

“Well, someone had to, since you seem incapable.” He chuckles softly, his light hearted tone masking the more tender thoughts behind his words. He takes off his jacket and gently throws it over your shoulders and pulls it tightly around you, almost as if it’s second nature to him. “I should get home.” You whispered softly, brushing a strand of wet hair out of your face. “Let me walk you.” He says, his hand grabbing your wrist and guiding you out of the forest and down the path. The rain continues to pour down around you, the wind blowing softly, brushing against your skin, and you can feel your clothes clinging to your skin as they soak up the rain. Armin doesn’t speak as he leads you home under the cover of the night. His hand felt warm on your wrist, giving you comfort even as the rain came down in droves. The sound of the raindrops hitting the ground and cars driving by in the distance filled the silence, and the smell of dirt and grass permeated the air.

You looked up at him as he walked, and for the first time you didn’t feel like the only way to become holy was to be empty, holy, to you, was loving him. With him things are both holy and sweet, something you never thought could coexist.

༘ ೀ⋆｡˚˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

It was a long, quiet walk from the pier to your house, but with Armin it was nothing, the thunderstorm a distant memory as his hand stayed wrapped around yours, the warmth of his jacket enveloping you like a hug from Armin himself. You stepped up the porch to your house, your eyes meeting his as you turned around to say bye, but he was already staring at you, like he hadn’t seen anything more beautiful.

“Do you want to come in, I mean, I’d hate for you to walk all alone in this rain?” His answer was immediate, his face lighting up like a golden retriever who’s owner had just come home from work. “Yes, thank you.” He smiled, walking into your house with you, shaking the water out of his hair before he entered. You walked inside and he sat down on the couch as you went to turn on the light, this wasn’t the first time he’s been over, or the second, or even the third. It was a familiar scene, seeing him look up at you from your couch, that same grin and innocent twinkle in his eyes.

It was the same every time, you’d sit down next to him and you’d talk for a while about everything and nothing at all, your head resting on his shoulder and his fingers twisting through your hair. Telling stories of your childhood and tales of your futures, sometimes you’d be together and other times not. But it always ended the same, you pinned to the couch and his mouth on yours, that hand that was in your hair now sliding in between your pretty thighs, reaching for a place that shouldn’t be touched, but he reaches over and he touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist. The way you craved each other couldn’t be described as anything as shallow as ‘physical desire’, because it wasn’t shallow at all. You wanted each other in the way of flesh wanting to knit itself together over a wound.

He felt warm and familiar, he felt solid and safe. You wanted to cling to his shirt, bury your face into the warm curve of his neck, and never let go.

“I want you.” He was breathless, his lips leaving marks on the skin of your neck, you can feel the soft smirk on his lips as he sank his teeth into the flesh. He liked the sounds you made when he did that, something in between a whine and a gasp. You stuttered over your next words, your nails digging into the fabric on his back. “I need you.” You muttered, moving your head so your neck was more accessible.

“Yes, but do you want me?” His tone was gentle, but there was something else in there, something you couldn’t put your finger on, something that made you want to flinch.

“Badly.”

His fingers were undoing your bra, pulling it from underneath your shirt, and tossing the pink fabric onto the floor. You feel a soft kiss land on your neck., just below your ear, and his breath is hot against your neck. His blue eyes, darkening with something you could only pinpoint as desire.

“I want you to want me as I want you. I want to make you shiver from my touch. I want to hear your voice, breathless and shaky. I want you, all of you. Your bones. Your body heat. The bite marks your teeth leave. To see how bad and beautiful those eyes look beneath me. I want you to say my name like a prayer.”

He whispered against your skin, shivers running down your spine. This was more than desire, it was something primal, wild.

You kissed him passionately, possessively, it wasn’t soft or subtle anymore, no, it was rough and wild, it was a hunger that couldn’t quite be filled, it was sinful.

His lips were warm and violent against yours, his fingers sliding underneath your shorts, grazing against your underwear, a quiet moan escaping your lips into his mouth. His eyes were open and locked on yours, he wanted to see you, every flutter of your eyelashes, the red spread across your cheeks, everything. His eyes were like the sea. . . This is how people drown.

You realized this man wasn’t a saint at all, rather a fallen angel, handsome devil.

His kisses became harder, more urgent, and his hand moved faster underneath your shorts, his fingers probing at the sensitive spot on your skin, a whisper of a moan escaping your lips. His lips were like a hot flame, burning away everything but your desires, his mouth consuming you with a deep and desperate hunger. The way he touched you was rough and almost cruel, with an intensity that was almost unbearable. Your body responded to every thrust, every bite, every kiss, every touch, and he knew exactly how to take you to a place where there was no such thing as pleasure and pain. Every moment was just another opportunity for him to touch you, worship you, and leave his mark on your body.

Your clothes were on the floor, mixed with his next to the piles of books you had laying around, his hips pressed against yours, your nails dug into the skin of his back as he painted another hickey of red and purple on your neck. His skin smelled of ash and wild strawberries, sweat glistening off of him. Your hips carve into his like your Michelangelo and he’s something holy. His actions were desperate and primal, but there was a certain tenderness to them, as if he was savoring every moment he had with you. Your body was flushed, drenched in sweat, and he could feel your breath coming faster and faster. Your bodies were becoming one, almost like you were melting into each other. It was so hot and humid and you could feel the tension steadily rising between the two of you. Every touch was like a knife cutting into you, every kiss like he was eating you whole.

“You're heavenly.” He whispers against your skin as he thrusts into you. You can only whimper in response, your lashes fluttering over your cheeks as your eyes rolled back into your head.

༘ ೀ⋆｡˚˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

You slept next to him as he sat up in your bed, analyzing your girly room, lace curtains, linen bed sheets, the small desk next to your bed with your makeup and books, and a singular stuffed animal on your bed. He couldn’t help but chuckle softly, taking the time to brush the strands of hair out of your eyes. If only he knew how to love someone without swallowing them and consuming them fully. Then maybe he could’ve loved you properly. Armin was carnivorous about love, eating it to the ankles.

He presses his lips against your forehead, careful not to disturb you from your sleep. He’s gentle, letting his lips linger and rest against your head instead of pressing together. He just wants to taste you without needing to eat you whole.

He was gone the next morning, he left the smell of coffee and freshly baked pancakes on the kitchen counter for you. And that was the last time you saw him all spring, you sat by the pier, hoping, waiting, praying, that you’d hear his giggle behind you and his bright eyes and boyish smile, but it never came. His touch still lingers on your body, as if he’d blurred into you. Why can’t you keep anything good? God, you would have let him eat you up, drain you of everything you had to offer, just to keep him with you.

They asked me, ‘Do I love her to death?’ and I said, ‘Speak of her over my grave and watch how she brings me back to life. You were obsessed with the color red, this dangerous girl with scarlet lips. With sweet kisses written in blood on a page I couldn’t turn. I remember when you said that love, for you, is larger than the usual romantic love, that it was life a religion. And that was terrifying. It is dreadful how I miss you, but I see you in lilies, misty mornings, angelic smiles, and pink skies. Because of you something in me wants more. I can’t rest. My thoughts filled with you, my angel.

Pale spring becomes dazzling summer with a tender, capricious sky, and the fading flowers buried in a wash o the summer grass, and you've got a new guy, he’s strong and real, and undeniably a sin, the complete opposite of Armin, but you’ve grown to forget all about him.

Someone had to leave first for the story to blossom. This is a very old story, with no other version. It’s a tragedy the way your story goes; maybe, perhaps, almost.

You sit in the arms of the brunette who picked you up and put you together, his arms wrapped around your waist as he peppered kisses across your neck as you read.

“Read to me.”

“Why?”

“Because you always go somewhere else when you read. I want to go there with you.” He said, his arms tightening around your waist.

“Don’t be silly, Jean.”

#meowkn 📝🌠#೨౿ani’s work೨౿#warning:frisky ᠀𓏲 #armin x reader #armin aot #armin arlert #armin smut #armin x y/n #armin x you #armin attack on titan #aot fic #aot #help I’m losing my mind

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