#wanted to share some favorites so I wrote a little micro piece to go with them

[moonlightchess]

He all but booted open their apartment door, breathless and furious. It was so unlike him that she was startled, watching him storm in as she chopped vegetables for dinner. "Baby, what's wrong?"

"I got stuck in traffic for an hour!" He sank wearily onto their sofa, and she approached from behind to gently massage his shoulders.

"It's all right babe, it's only seven. I wasn't even finished with dinner yet, I got home late from work too."

"It's not that," he groaned. "Tonight was supposed to be the night, I had everything planned to make this proposal perfect."

She stared at him, and he stared at her. Then, "...Shit." Laughing, she circled the couch to kneel in front of him, drawing him into her arms.

"Well, I'd better get to pick the theme now." She winked. "How do you feel about art deco?"

[disgruntledspacedad]

just some chapter 13 dad!din thoughts

I originally wrote this as a reply to @vaguely-concerned‘s incredible analysis of Chapter 13. As it’s pretty long and rambling, and because I’d probably like to go back and reference these thoughts later, I decided to rehash my original response into its own post. Apologies for the recycled content, and definitely credit where credit is due for making me think so hard.

So, it’s clear to me that Din still hasn’t quite processed how much the kid ugh, Grogu means to him. I mean, he’s got the dad vibe thing down, and he’s pretty open about the fact that the kid is indisputably under his protection, but I really, really think that Din is still in complete denial that the ferocity and intensity of his concern come from a deeper place than just upholding his Creed.

And dude, I’m not disputing Din’s attachment to Yodito at all! Din loves his little green gremlin with all of his shiny beskar heart… he just can’t quite admit it yet.

Din strikes me as the kind of guy that isn’t used to processing his feelings, especially not deep, intense feelings, especially not many deep, intense feelings all at once. As a fellow emotionally incompetent introvert, I can attest to this - the head knows what makes sense, but sometimes, it takes the heart a very long time to work through exactly what is going on in there.

A lot of times, that emotional disconnect comes out as frustration, impatience, irritability, and even anger.

So, in this episode, Din knows something is Not Quite Right, but he can’t quite put his finger on what, because it doesn’t make sense.What makes sense is the Creed, and the kid being trained. Din wants this on an emotional level, too. He readily admits that this is what is probably best for the child.

With that in mind, here’s what I see from Din during chapter thirteen:

The kid has to go to the Jedi. Din’s put it off for as long as he can, but he’s got a job to do and a creed to uphold, and the kid needs to be with his own kind. It’s what’s best for him, really. Whatever his sorcery is, it’s a powerful, intrinsic part of him, and it needs to be nurtured.

He’s going to have to say goodbye.

The kid’s fascination with the shiny ball is enough to set him off. Din’s given it to the kid to play with before, but that was Before. The idea that Din will have to come back to the ship, rescrew the knob, and never have to think about it again sends something roiling in his gut. The kid is going to have to learn to get by without his favorite toy.

But for whatever reason, Din doesn’t bother putting the knob back on the shifter.

Then Din meets Ahsoka, who gives him absolutely zero information - “I hope it’s about him,” - and then proceeds to spend what appears to be hours in silent conversation with his kid. I mean, the sun has gone down, and Din is clearly agitated with the wait, pacing and sighing and stomping all over the place (honestly that shot made me laugh hard). Din is such a drama queen. He’s impatient, more than a little concerned, and definitely not used to people withholding information.

And then, just watch him react to the kid’s name. Grogu. He says it contemplatively, just testing the syllables on his tongue, and the kid turns to him like, “What, Dad??” and god, you can just see how that little confirmation punches Din in the gut. He’s traveled with this little guy for ages, knows his favorite foods and pet peeves and the cadence of his breaths as he falls into a deep sleep, but something as simple and basic as the kid’s name, that was beyond him.

Also, I’m a casual fan who knows absolutely nothing about Mandalorian culture, but it seems that there is something sacred about the sharing of names. Consider that we didn’t (canonically) know Din’s name until the season one finale. Mandalorians don’t offer that kind of information to just anybody - only clan. To call the kid by his own name and have him respond is probably second in intimacy to only the adoption vow and baring his face. Din certainly seems affected by Grogu’s name in a way that screams Significantto me.

To add to this emotional complexity, there’s probably a big part of Din that is feeling a little inferior, and maybe jealous of Ahsoka. She communicates with the kid effortlessly, in a way that Din has wished he could for months now. She shares his powers. She knows his name.

Din knew, probably, that the kid’s history was pretty grim. But having it confirmed in the firelight, by a mythical sorceress, with the kid sitting right there looking so content, well, that would fuck Din up in a lot of ways.

Din doesn’t sleep that night. How could he?

The next morning, Din’s emotions are warring, a raging, crashing storm. His kid is about to be evaluated. Din wants him tested and judged as worthy, because Din knows that he is. The kid, Grogu, is special. The whole kriffing galaxy wants a piece of him, and this is the moment, the culmination of all that they’ve fought so dearly for. But something acrid is rising in the back of Din’s throat, bitter like bile, at the thought that validation of the kid’s value also brings their time together. It’s like the severing of a bond, in a way.

(ask me about this bond headcanon later)

Din’s done what he’s set out to do, but in that moment, he feels lost. Hollow.

A failure.

And because Din is an emotionally constipated, overly dramatic man child, that’s going to come out as gruff irritability.

“He’s stubborn.”

“Connect with him,” Ahsoka says, and Din doesn’t want to becauseit hurts, but he does, and gods, in that instant Din loses himself. He doesn’t matter, it’s all Grogu and what he’s done and what he is and what he will be, and Din is just so freakin’ proud of his little green space gremlin, and man, that moment of pure dad pride feels pretty earned, at least to me.

See? See? Look at him go! I told you, I knew it, I knew he was something special, see what he can do?? Din is thinking, over and over again.

The idea of not training the kid sends Din reeling. My kid is worthy, he thinks, not even realizing the possessiveness of the statement. He’s just proved it to you, and you would deny him?

And then Ahsoka says it, “You’re like a father to him.” Watch Din react. Maybe it’s just me, but it’s almost like there’s this micro-pause, this tiny little shift in body language that suggest that these words hit Din viscerally. Hearing it from the Armorer was a glancing blow, because this is Creed, This is the Way. But hearing the words from an outsider, from a sorceress of the child’s own kind, man, it sticks. It hits home.

Anyway, all of that to say, Din certainly does seem a little detached, a little off kilter, during this episode. But I think this is totally justified, given the circumstances.

[mostthingskenobi]

MOST THINGS KENOBI’S 2018 FAN FICS

As unproductive as I’ve felt this year, I actually wrote quite a bit. Here’s a list of everything I worked on in 2018. Let me know which ones are your favorite ❤

p.s. I’ve written more volume-wise in the last 5 days than I have all year ಠ_ಠ Expect massive fic updates in just a few weeks. I’m coming for you Claudia Gray!

HERE IS A LIST OF ALL MY 2018 FICS

I’ve marked my personal favorites with an asterisk (*)

The Jedi and His Duchess* Summary: Satine Kryze is a pacifist because of the Mandalorian civil war. But the idea first takes root in her mind after watching something terrible happen to Obi-Wan Kenobi. The story of how Obi-Wan and Satine fell in love when they were young, and how their feelings reemerged when they reconnected during the Clone Wars. Told in flashbacks. Takes place pre Phantom Menace and post Clone Wars episode Duchess of Mandalore. Read it on AO3  |  Read it on Tumblr

Bloody Escape* Summary: Obi-Wan Kenobi and Asajj Ventress barely escape with their lives after a dangerous encounter with Darth Maul and Savage Opress. Trapped together in a small shuttle, these one-time enemies must put their differences aside in order to find their way back to civilization. Things get complicated when Ventress realizes Kenobi has been gravely wounded. Will he survive the long journey or will his blood be on her hands? Read it on AO3 | Read it on Tumblr

Sidious and Skywalker* Summary: An alternate ending to Return of the Jedi where Luke is taken prisoner by the Emperor. Sidious will destroy Skywalker’s belief in the Jedi and undermine everything the young man believes in by simply telling him the truth. Will Vader rescue his son or will he stand by and allow Sidious to endlessly interrogate Luke? How long can Skywalker survive under the Sith’s wrath? Read it on AO3 | Read it on Tumblr

Drinks with a Jedi* Summary: Obi-Wan Kenobi has gone down to the lower levels of Coruscant to get away from prying eyes and have a few drinks while incognito. He asks his old flame, Satine Kryze, to join him even though he assumes she’ll turn him down. A bit of banter and some booze. Takes place sometime during the Clone Wars. Read it on AO3 | Read it on Tumblr

Kenobi Who Fell to Earth Summary: A ridiculous fic that has nowhere to go…Obi-Wan, Cody, and Yoda crash land in modern day London. It doesn’t take Kenobi long to fit in with the locals. I don’t know what this fic is… Just a little love letter to London and Star Wars. Basically, this is Obi-Wan embracing his Ewan McGregor fashion sense while on vacation with Cody in London. (WTF even is this????) Read it on AO3 | Read it on Tumblr

Under the Stars with a Jedi Summary: A short piece that takes place during the year Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon spent protecting Satine. After a long day, Kenobi and Kryze lay out under the stars. There may or may not be dancing involved. Complete fluff ensues. Read it on AO3 | Read it on Tumblr

A Jedi’s Love is in Between Summary: Obi-Wan Kenobi never said the words “I love you” to Satine Kryze… but he wanted to. A short one-off piece that explores how Kenobi’s feelings for the Duchess of Mandalore change over his lifetime. Read it on AO3 | Read it on Tumblr

Fire on Tatooine* (i like this story so much i’ve started writing it a prequel) Summary: Five years into Obi-Wan Kenobi’s exile on Tatooine the Jedi knows he has become reclusive and lonely. A brief encounter with a lovely yet mysterious stranger dredges up old memories, both pleasant and painful, leading Kenobi to find comfort in unexpected places. Perhaps the Force has been watching out for him after all. Read it on AO3 | Read it on Tumblr

Obi-Wan Kenobi’s Lady Friend Summary: Anakin Skywalker just wants a quiet night at home by himself. Unfortunately, a group of unexpected visitors arrive bringing a potentially destructive acquaintance into Skywalker’s home. AKA: How Obi-Wan and a bunch of clone troopers destroy Anakin’s peace of mind! Read it on AO3 | Read it on Tumblr

If This is the End* Summary: A micro Obitine fic. A small moment shared by Obi-Wan Kenobi and Satine Kryze. Read it on AO3 | Read it on Tumblr

When Obi-Wan Married Satine Summary: Obi-Wan Kenobi and the Duchess of Mandalore decide to marry in secret. They meet in a secluded garden where a Force priestess conducts a private wedding. Sequel to The Secret Duke of Mandalore. Read it on AO3 | Read it on Tumblr

Much Ado About Kenobi Summary: Padmé Amidala is hosting a large party. The Duchess of Mandalore attends, as do many of our favorite Jedi and clones. Unfortunately, tensions are running high between Satine and Obi-Wan; she has not yet forgiven him for faking his death. Anakin, Ahsoka, and Rex will try to mend fences between the Jedi Master and the Duchess by using well intended trickery. Basically, Much Ado About Nothing with Star Wars characters. Read it on AO3 | Read it on Tumblr

[amandajoyce118]

The Punisher Season 2 Easter Eggs And References

Yes, I know. You don’t have to tell me that the second season of The Punisher dropped on Netflix a month ago. Surprisingly, this last month has been extremely busy for me. Birthdays, family stuff, changes in management at my day job, changes in editors (thrice!) at my freelance job, plus prepping my tax stuff has left me with very little free time. I finally managed to finish the second season this weekend (and I started Umbrella Academy, which is really interesting, but something I’m not familiar with, so no Easter Eggs on that one, sorry!) and finish writing up Easter eggs as well.

As usual, there are spoilers, but I went episode by episode with the Easter eggs. Anybody worried about spoilers has probably already watched the show at this point. I feel like I was probably the last one out there who hadn’t watched. Despite it taking me forever and a day to watch the show, there’s still a chance I didn’t catch everything, especially since the Punisher doesn’t seem like a show with a lot of in-universe Easter eggs.

Happy reading!

S2E01 “Roadhouse Blues”

The Van

Oh, look. Pete AKA Frank is using a van full time. In the comics, the van houses a wide variety of weapons and surveillance equipment, but Frank isn’t quite that high tech without the help of someone like Micro around. He also calls it the Battle Van.

Lola’s Roadhouse

It’s probably just a coincidence, because Lola is just one of those names that pop culture junkies seem to love, but… who else thinks it might be a nod to Coulson’s favorite car in Agents of SHIELD?

Fiona

Some people will try to find the Marvel character that is “Fiona,” but again, I think this one is a coincidence. Why? Fiona is a weirdly popular name in comics. There’s a Fiona who is an Inhuman who can fly. There’s a Fiona who founds the sisterhood and hates men. There are also Fionas who are artists/writers/pencilers/etc in real life. I think this is just a case of them picking a pretty name.

Michigan

It’s the last place anyone would look, you say? Kind of like how it’s the last place anyone seems to care about because Flint still doesn’t have clean water? Yep.

S2E02 “Fight Or Flight”

Pete and Rachel

I like that Frank is still using the name Pete, but can we all laugh for a second about how these two are Pete and Rachel? It makes me laugh because these are two characters in friends. Pete only asks Monica out because he overhears Monica and Rachel talking about their love lives (or lack of them). Pete, funnily enough is like a Tony Stark character here: wealthy, throwing money around to get what he wants, buying women buildings, etc. He’s also played by Jon Favreau AKA Happy Hogan in the Iron Man movies. It’s one of those things that’s not meant to be a connection, but proves you can find “Easter eggs” in anything.

Rachel AKA Amy

Amy is based on a comic book character, but she’s been completely changed for the show. In the comics, she was a little girl who saw Frank escape a crime scene and promised him she wouldn’t tell anyone. He helped her out a few times as well. But, like I said, completely different. (Of course, the use of the name Rachel, and some of her later story gives a nod to another comic book character as well. We’ll talk about that later.)

Larkville, Ohio

Clearly based on Clarkville, Ohio. They thought leaving off one letter would make it less obvious? Anyway, here are some fun facts about Ohio in the MCU. It’s where there was a secret wing of a prison for powered people (thanks, Agents of SHIELD). It’s also where Coulson and company went to get information about CENTIPEDE (again, thanks Agents of SHIELD). Lincoln Campbell tried to escape Inhuman life as a doctor there (again, Agents of SHIELD). It’s also where Bucky sarcastically remarked Steve Rogers was from for one of his many fake ID’s to get in the army (Captain America: The First Avenger). And, it’s also where Helmut Zemo tracked down a super soldier in hiding (Captain America: Civil War). So, what I’m saying is, if you’re interested in lying low in the MCU, you don’t go to Ohio. Someone will find you.

Billy’s Memory

Billy Russo’s memory being jumbled, or having gaps, provides a nice storytelling device, but it’s also a nice nod to the comics. His memory was manipulated, or he was brainwashed, a few times. The only thing that restored his memory those times? Fighting the Punisher, of course.

A Jigsaw Puzzle

Lots of puzzle references to Billy, and with good reason. In the comics, he’s Jigsaw. The guy gets thrown through a plate glass window and his face is put back together like a jigsaw by a surgeon. He takes on the name and vows revenge.

Billy’s Mask

His mask is more than just to build suspense by covering up his face. You’ll see there are red and blue colors on the sides? It’s meant to be a nod to an art therapy practice that’s become helpful in treating soldiers with PTSD as a result of their work. Soldiers are instructed to create a mask to show people what they’re feeling on the inside, even if they can’t say it. National Geographic did a whole piece on how the work has been helping people. I wrote about it in my Jigsaw list, briefly.

S2E03 “Trouble The Water”

129

The door number that is clearly visible when Billy breaks out of the hospital with his therapist’s help is 129. To be fair, most house numbers, door numbers, and phone numbers are completely random. This one might be a coincidence. But… Amazing Spider-Man issue 129 was the very first appearance of the Punisher. Jigsaw AKA Billy Russo appeared over 30 issues later in the same series. It seems purposeful.

Mahoney

Look at Mahoney, making the rounds still. He started as a character on Daredevil and has worked his way through the Netflix shows.

The Pilgrim

That’s the name given in press releases to the religious villain who has some, uh, questionable tattoos removed once upon a time. He’s not a specific comic book character, but a lot of people have compared him to the Mennonite from the old Punisher comics.

S2E04 “Scar Tissue”

WHiH

The world news station of choice in the MCU, this one gets more attention in the movies. It’s covering news from every corner of the globe. Recently, it’s made its way into the Netflix shows, Agents of SHIELD, and Runaways as well.

WJBP TV

Another station in the MCU, this one is local. It’s typically only seen in the Netflix corner of the universe, so it’s usually covering New York news.

The Kitten Hanging On The Branch

I’m sorry, but did anyone not see one of these posters if they grew up in the United States? Nice nod to the inspirational poster schtick the public school system has. I think I saw it in guidance counselor offices at every school I went to.

New York Bulletin

Yes, the Bulletin is still going strong despite losing a lot of its staff in the second season of Daredevil.

Amy AKA Rachel

Okay, so despite looking like a nod to the little kid who keeps Frank’s secret in the comics, this character also appears to be a nod to Rachel Cole. She ended up in the middle of a gang war and became a vigilante, falling in with Frank.

Baseball

So, Billy had a thing for baseball? You know who else had a thing for baseball? Dex AKA Bullseye in Daredevil season two. Nice job keeping your sociopaths on theme, Netflix MCU.

S2E05 “One-Eyed Jacks”

Three Card Monte

I have a hard time believing that Frank Castle, marine, killer, and all around street savvy dude, doesn’t understand how Three Card Monte works. Then again, maybe no one has tried to swindle him with cards because they value their life. Who knows? Anyway, I found this version interesting because most people who hustle with it want you to “find the lady” as the queen of hearts. Here, it’s the queen of diamonds. I’m not sure what that says, but it’s interesting. (Also, I feel like Amy AKA Rachel and Skye AKA Daisy would get along. It reminded me of the sugar packets and Mike’s ID in the Agents of SHIELD pilot).

Turk Barrett

At this point, if you don’t know who Turk is, I’m just going to assume you haven’t seen any of the Netflix shows before. In which case, why are you reading these Easter eggs? Go start watching from the beginning, and then come back.

Oh, sh1t!

I think it’s cute that for all her life as a hustler, she doesn’t use actual curse words, but instead, speaks the way teens might curse via text.

S2E06 “Nakazal”

“You could always burn the place down.”

I feel like this is a nod to how arson tends to be a last resort for Frank in the comics. He prefers to go in, guns blazing, and just take people out. There are a few stories where he’s torched whole buildings, but they usually are just a minor thing in a major story arc.

Anderson And Eliza Schultz

Not comic book characters, but they do share their surname with Herman Schultz AKA the Shocker. I think that’s probably not a big connection. Instead, it’s more likely that the writers liked the name, and as a bonus, it gives them a nod to comic creators Charles Schultz (Peanuts) and Mark Schultz (art for DC, but also really big in indie comics).

I’m not going to list all of the political commentary in this episode, but whew. They really went for it.

S2E07 “One Bad Day”

The Title

“All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man to lunacy.” Or at least, that’s what the Joker believes in Batman’s The Killing Joke. It’s one of the biggest Batman stories ever, so I’m thinking the title is no coincidence. I also think a few staff members are Batman fans since the kid in the first episode also had a Batman backpack.

Fragmentation Grenade

An interesting choice for a weapon since in the comics, Jigsaw gets healed a few times, only to have his face ruined again by the Punisher. One of those times is the result of a fragmentation grenade.

S2E08 “My Brother’s Keeper”

The Fatal Shore By Robert Hughes

The book Amy reads when she’s bored in the trailer is actually about the founding of Australia. History teaches us it was a penal colony - the place where criminals were shipped to start over - but there were already Aboriginals there, which made for quite the conflict. Someone like Amy probably would have found the crime, the hustle of the whole thing, interesting, but she doesn’t strike me as someone who would be into history, so it’s no wonder she put it down.

“He did everything he could to you to make sure you suffered for the rest of your life.”

Yes. This is exactly why Frank leaves Billy alive in the comics. He kills everyone who had a hand in the deaths of his family - all but Billy, even though they weren’t as close as brothers in the comics. He leaves Billy alive so that the guy can suffer, but also to serve as a warning to anyone who comes after him. Billy spends a lot of his story arcs either trying to get revenge, or trying to get his “pretty boy” looks back.

S2E09 “Flustercluck”

Valhalla

Do we say this is a nod to the Thor franchise, or do we just accept that the world at large has the idea of Valhalla as paradise? Your call.

“I’m not the one that dies…”

I’ll confess Punisher is not my comic book cup of tea, but I feel like he said this line in a comic once. I could be wrong.

S2E10 “The Dark Hearts Of Men”

The Title

Pretty sure this is a nod to a Bible verse about humanity. But I’m not up on my Bible knowledge and a google search just gives me a bunch of reviews of this episode, so I’m sorry this isn’t more specific?

“Drunkards Prayer”

This is the song that plays when the Pilgrim is both fighting and recovering from his fight. It’s a song about wanting to be pious, but knowing you’re an addict. And it fits with his character pretty well. AJ McLean (of the Backstreet Boys) covered it once, if you’re interested. I think you could also apply it to just about any character in Castle’s world - people wanting to be better, but unable to leave the bad things in their life behind. And no, I won’t dissect every song choice for the season, but this one stuck with me.

Making Castle Believe The Worst

Making the Punisher believe he killed innocent people is straight out of the comics. It’s one trick a villain uses to bring him down, though ultimately, he figures out he wasn’t the one responsible. That looks like the same thing here with Castle believing he killed the women and the therapist’s “I know how to break Castle” thing.

S2E11 “The Abyss”

Queens

I find it interesting that the Punisher is frequenting Queens a lot in this season. (The warehouse where he gets arrested, as noted in the radio broadcast, is in Queens.) Why? Because he was introduced in a Spider-Man comic and frequently crossed paths with the web crawler. Where is Peter Parker from? Queens.

Karen Page

Karen’s appearance as Frank’s “lawyer” here muddles the timeline a bit. We’ve all been thinking this occurs after season three of Daredevil. That season ended with Matt and Foggy reforming Nelson and Murdock, but with making Karen a partner as well. Never mind that she doesn’t have a law degree or anything like that. But, Karen introduces herself as representing Nelson and Murdock. Maybe her name isn’t in the business because she’s not a lawyer? Or maybe this is actually set before that? Who knows? It’s all very ambiguous.

Sacred Saints Hospital

While this hospital didn’t appear in another episode, the Sacred Saints Cemetery did, and I wonder if they’re connected to one another? Sacred Saints is where Elektra was supposedly buried, which gives us a lot of Daredevil connections in this episode, huh?

Matt Murdock

Frank mentions the man himself while talking with Karen. I feel like this is more of a reminder that Frank knows Matt is Daredevil than it is a legit comment on the state of Matt and Karen’s relationship.

Karen’s Shoes

Not an Easter egg, but I like that the payment to the morgue tech/assistant medical examiner was her very expensive shoes, not something tropey like drinks with him. Thank you, writers. This was cute. Also, it gave Karen the means to run around the hotel easier and not be held back by her heels.

S2E12 “Collision Course”

Mr. Blue

The only thing I noticed in this episode was the nickname given to Billy by the florist. It’s actually the alias Betty Ross used in the comments when Bruce Banner was a fugitive and she tried to stay in contact with him. Probably not intentional, but you never know.

S2E13 “The Whirlwind”

“...pull your spine out of your throat…”

In the “Space” stories for the Punisher, he does something like this to Ultron, funnily enough. He reaches into Ultron’s mouth and pulls his core out, not his spine, through his throat.

Dive School In Florida

Okay, I couldn’t find any characters associated with the Punisher who spend a lot of time in Florida, but I can tell you Florida made its first appearance for Marve in Marvel Comics #1, that Man-Thing is from there, and that Captain Marvel spent time there working for NASA. Florida has also popped up in a few episodes of Agents of SHIELD. It’s where Joey (former SHIELD ally and Inhuman teammate) lives, where Elena has friends, and where May and Coulson pretended to be married to steal a painting.

The Final Shot

That final image of Castle in his Punisher vest opening fire has been in several comics. It’s clear it’s intentional.

Stan Lee

The final episode closes with an “in loving memory.” Not really an Easter egg, but worth a mention. While Stan Lee did not create the Punisher, he had a hand in his name. Originally, Frank Castle was going to be called the Assassin. Lee thought they should go for something a little less on the nose, and coined the Punisher.

A few notes for the season:

Castle never purposely uses lethal force against law enforcement. I guess that’s supposed to make us believe that his killing of all the bad guys is acceptable.

The support group that Curtis leads? One of my favorite things is that there are a lot of flyers on the bulletin boards behind them for things like free puppies. A lot of these guys would do better (not suddenly be whole again, but maybe do a little bit better) with an emotional support animal. It’s proven that having an animal to come home to can actually help you live longer. It’s one of the reasons there are groups that take animals into children’s hospitals and retirement homes for people to play with.

The season finale actually feels very final to me. I think this might have been the only one of the MCU Netflix shows where the writers thought they might not come back? Because it seems like they closed everything up nicely instead of teasing something else down the line.

That’s all I’ve got this time around. The next Easter egg list on the horizon for me is, I believe, Captain Marvel, which should be up the same weekend it releases since I’m seeing that one opening night.

[soclosewiz]

City Park

Deep in the forests of the Skykomish valley in Western Washington lies the tiny town of Index and behind it, hundreds of feet of sheer granite cliffs that are home to some of the finest trad and sport climbing on the planet. The most easily accessible and popular sector, the Lower Town Wall (LTW), lies just across the rail road tracks from the parking lot. The wall is split in two by a singular line of weakness that scars an otherwise completely blank and dead vertical face. This is City Park. Index isn’t known for splitters (perfect cracks), with most if its classics combining crack and face climbing. That’s okay because I’m not much known for climbing splitters in the first place. Nevertheless, no one who has ever visited Western Washington’s local’s paradise could deny the appeal of the perfect and unmistakable line that is City Park.

City Park

It was first opened by the pitons of Roger Johnson and Richard Mathies in 1966 and has since become an iconic part of Index history and a popular aid route. It consists of 35 meters of 5.10 bolt ladder, 5.11 splitter fingers, 5.12 tech, and 5.13 pinky lock after pinky lock after pinky lock above nuts and size 00 cams. The smallest trad gear on the market. The caveat is that the entire climb shares an anchor with the most popular 5.9 in Washington, Godzilla. So it is that everyone and their mother who has ever plugged gear at Index has, at some point or another, lowered down over City Park’s striking pods and pockets and wondered...

So it was on my first attempt. Three years ago I visited Index with my friends Miles C., Jeff S., and Stefan B. for the first time and led Godzilla, my first 5.9 trad climb. What was this other thing I was looking at on the way down? Washington’s hardest trad climb and the top rope is already rigged? Of COURSE I was going to try. That day I don’t think I freed a single move. The crack was fully saturated with a winter’s worth of seepage and snowmelt, and it took alternating between two cams and my belayer’s gracious assistance for me to move even halfway up the climb.

At the time I couldn’t even fathom what it would take to send City Park. I knew nothing about how small the gear is, how runout the cruxes all are, how the sharp rock will only let one try once or MAYBE twice every 4-5 days, how the break/undercling seeps for half the year and how it’s too hot to stand on the microscopic feet for the other half. I also didn’t know how few people had done it nor how many had tried and given up. I didn’t know the stories of the five legends that had clipped the chains before me; about how Todd Skinner had to burn grease out for his first ascent, or how Hugh Herr had invented his own prosthetics to enable the second. I had never heard of Chris Schlotfield’s pinkpoint send or heard my friend Per try and describe why they call him “Snickers.”  I had never met Blake Herrington while wading across the Skykomish river to climb at secret sport crags, or belayed Mikey Schaeffer on his first 5.14a down at Smith Rock. I had no exposure to all the things that made City Park appeal to me, and yet even on that very first day, somewhere in my heart I knew that one day I would come for this beautiful, cruel rock climb. I didn’t know if it would be in one year or thirty, but somehow I knew. In a certain way it always seemed inevitable. I didn’t always know I would send it, but I always knew I was going to try.

Views at Index

In the fall of 2017 I pitched off of the final crux move of Pornstar, a 5.13d at World Wall that I had been working for several months. I had never been closer, and yet somehow simultaneously never felt farther away. “What more does it take!?” I screamed at the wall as tears streamed shamelessly down my face. Whatever the answer was, I no longer cared. My inspiration for the project was gone. I walked away with no regrets, right into the open arms of Index, a corner of the map I had thus far left almost entirely unexplored.

I fell fast and I fell hard, with a few early experiences changing the way I saw both the crag and myself as a climber. My favorite Index partner Pat S. introduced me to local climbers and classic climbs, spraying me with enough beta for all the classic Lower Town Wall 5.11ds to fall one after another. Guidebook author Chris Kalman showed me the beauty of some of the less travelled terrain and infected me with his contagious psyche whilst listening to me express my fears of leaving sport climbing behind and accepting what it meant to be something of a beginner again. “Don’t be afraid to redefine yourself,” he told me as we were driving to the crag one day; words I’ll never forget. All the pieces fell into place in exactly the way I needed them to most. Suddenly Index was the only place I wanted to climb.

I left Index when the rains came in November for drier conditions in the Red River Gorge, but when I returned Washington was graced by a rare weather window in December. My friend Jasna H. and I ventured out with one goal in mind: we wanted to top rope the one and only City Park to see if it just might be possible. By the end of the day on December 6th I was bleeding from more than half my fingers and had managed to link less than half the climb.

Jasna was in the same boat. I consider there to be five distinct sections, and the one in the middle remained a huge blank question mark. In that part in particular the feet disappear almost entirely, and the crack gets especially thin. Nevertheless, I wrote down all my beta for the bottom and top, and figured I had to start somewhere, even if I couldn’t even see how to do such a huge number of the moves.

My first topo for the middle section

Three weeks in Mexico came after, and it wasn’t until I was back in Washington in January that I can really say my skin had finally healed after that initial siege. Winter was also here to stay this time, so I did not revisit the route again until May 11th when I returned from an extended period of travel around the south west. During the previous weeks I had watched conditions in Index start to improve as spring arrived, but I had unfinished business in Smith Rock so I did not return to City Park at first opportunity. That day in May I drove out after work with one of my best friends Eric H., after having not climbed together in months. Everything turned out to be wet, including my project. It may have been wet, but it was also COLD, and when I climbed it my feet stuck to the wall like they never had before. For the first time I was able to do all the moves. I finally also figured out a sequence that could consistently get me through the break at the end of the middle crux, right before it eases off a bit for the final sprint.

Looking down at the break, which was the source of a lot of seepage in the spring

The travel bug was still in my veins a little more than the City Park obsession, so I left Seattle once more and tabled the project yet again. Early June brought me back and I kept top roping, slowly putting the pieces together and checking off micro goals that I had set for myself. Top rope the top 2/3rds clean after starting at the bottom; make it to the top clean from below the break; things like that.

On June 15th I arrived at the base of the climb to find a line four people deep for Godzilla and none of them willing to trail my rope to set up a TR for me. After a pep talk from Eric I decided I might as well make this my first lead attempt. I was absolutely terrified, but as I racked up all the small gear I could find, Index staple Randy L. walked by the base and called out to me, “you’re my hero!” It gave me the last little bit of confidence I needed, and I tied in and left the ground.

That first lead burn took me well over an hour. I placed an absurd amount of gear, and aided through many of the moves. If I had thought I was closing in before, I suddenly felt miles away. Nonetheless, it was still another box checked on my mental list of steps that stood between me and one day clipping the chains.

By the end of June I managed to TR one hang it for the first time while climbing with Maiza W., and then the next day Julian B. belayed me as I made it through the break from the ground. Three days later I came out with Pat yet again to find the route soaking wet, so I figured out all the gear in better fashion then my initial rack from the lead attempt. I mock lead it despite the dampness, and managed to fail spectacularly on some of the easiest moves.

Top Roping

By now everyone knew that if I invited them to come to Index with me, I was basically asking for support on this single project. We wouldn’t be doing a multipitch, and we wouldn’t be hiking past the LTW. It had become a completely selfish pursuit, but I had long since accepted that if I was going to have a shot I had to do absolutely whatever it took. I often would write exactly that on my hand, so I could keep the discipline to stay away from the temptations of beer, junk food, or other routes… At the same time I was plagued by guilt at the sacrifices I was asking of my belayers. I tried not to talk about the route too much, or seem too egotistical about the process. I didn’t ask for photos nor spray too often about progress unless it seemed particularly meaningful. I wanted it more than I had ever wanted any rock climb, and thus I struggled to find the balance between selfishness and necessary evils, because that was what it would take for me to send. Sacrifice not just from me, but from my friends who left work early for me, sat in traffic for me, or offered constant words of support and encouragement to me.

July 4th I had managed to recruit Pat yet again for a belay, and I tossed around the dream that maybe it would come together out of the blue on my first real lead attempt. Instead I almost puked at the pure physical effort it took to reach the chains. I also managed to whip on a brass nut so many times that it took a hammer to remove. Later that day I also decked off a 5.11a because I didn’t have the strength to pull through after climbing City Park. Not exactly what I’d been expecting, but by the end of the day as I watched fireworks explode over the town of Index, tears fell down my face as I contemplated how grateful I was to be in such a beautiful and magical place, and how I would not have traded these moments for anything in the world. Surrounded by friends, filled with good food, and celebrating a place I love, I felt like I would burst with the power of it all. That, or maybe it was just some damn good weed that had me feeling particularly sentimental.

Team America on the 4th of July

Three days later, July 7th I gave my third lead attempt while surrounded by a crew of some of my favorite Index personalities; Mike Massey, Pat, Eric, and others. I blasted up to a dramatically new high point, avoiding whipping on the nut and instead testing out the security of my next piece, a 00 shakily placed during the briefest moment of reprieve that two slightly above average pin scars offer after finishing the first real crux and before starting the second. For some reason I decided that I should change the way I held the undercling hold at the break, and try and place more gear to protect the next moves in case the 00 didn’t hold a fall from the upper crux. I thought it was a breakthrough discovery, but in the end I abandoned the change and reverted to my original sequence. That night we ran the Via Ferrata and I one again felt Index’s beauty take my breath away.

Enjoying breathtaking Via Ferrata Views with my best friends

During my lead attempt that day as I was climbing, a party descending from a pitch above began to lower a rappel line on top of me, not suspecting that someone would actually be trying to free climb City Park. It’s not exactly a common scenario, and as I watched the line snake down from the skyline I felt my heart sink as I and everyone around yelled at the party above to pull their rope back up because I was still on point (hadn’t fallen yet). The folks at the belay were very understanding and accommodating, and even took a few photos as I was nearing the anchors. The graciousness with which these strangers treated me made me more than ever consider the many complex emotions I had wrapped up in this climb.  

I had only been climbing at Index regularly for a short time before I started trying City Park. I had never done so many of the classics, or even visited many of the other walls. I had never bolted any new lines, nor cleaned off old ones. I didn’t know how to rope solo, and I hadn’t even camped in the climber lot more than once. I looked at City Park and the people that had climbed it before me with stars in my eyes every single time I left the ground. Who was I to be trying to follow in their footsteps? Sure I knew I was strong enough to do it eventually, but did I deserve it? Should the first female ascent belong to me, who could barely climb Japanese Gardens and had never even been on the Davis-Holland Memorial Route? This route was so intertwined in Index history that I often wondered these things; in making my mark, was I doing justice to a place that meant so much to me? More than sending City Park, I wanted to send it in style. When Todd Skinner first began trying it, locals poured grease down the crack to thwart his efforts because they didn’t want him to have the honor. I wanted to be someone that deserved the honor. Someone that people could celebrate not for, but with, and someone that would inspire others to get on the route in the years that would follow. To me, City Park is the perfect rock climb, and I wanted so desperately to be worthy of something so pure. Every time I pulled the final moves I imagined what it would feel like to do them while sending, and every time I trained at the gym I dreamed of the day when it would all come together. I wanted my send to inspire not simply because of the act itself, but because of my work ethic, what I give to my community, my passion, dedication, and all the other pieces that would be critical for success.

Alpinglow views at beautiful Index

On Tuesday, July 10th I saw the last weather window for as far ahead as the forecast could predict. I got the day off work, and I locked down my partner Eric. Having last tried the route only a few days ago, my skin was shit. My new shoes had been backordered for months, and got shipped only the day before, so my shoes were also shit. I spent all morning being agitated at car traffic on the roads and human traffic in the many stores I visited while looking for my preferred brand of superglue so I could make tape stick to my pinkies. Eric was late (through no fault of his own) and as I sat in my car in Monroe waiting for him I listened to a homeless man yelling at nothing as he ambled around the parking lot. Basically my mental game was shit. My elbows hurt from training and my back hurt from heavy lifting at work. Nothing was right, but nonetheless I had to try.

As I stood on the ledge at the top of the bolt ladder, first cam in place, I looked down at my body. My heart was racing so fast I could see my shirt twitching with each heartbeat. I waited, but it showed no signs of slowing down. Accepting that this was just going to be one of those fear burns, where I never caught my breath and never found flow, I set off in resignation. I reached my high point and placed the 00 with energy to spare, though I could feel myself slipping. I moved into the break and tried to place the new nut I had added to the rack, and in doing so lost my grip and fell. I fiddled with the gear, then fiddled with the crux, and discovered a bit of micro beta that seemed to make a big difference in getting through the most insecure moves right after the break. As I rocked up on a heel hook at the end of the final 5.13 section, for the first time it felt real; like I had a shot.

I came down and said as much to Eric and he agreed and asked how my skin was. I had just assumed it would be a horror show after how thin it had been at the beginning. It was raw and painful, but not bleeding. Maybe I could try again. I had nothing left to lose.

That was when a crew of aid climbers arrived and declared their intentions of spending the evening on City Park practicing their techniques. That was fine, I needed lots of rest anyway and how long could they possibly take? Eric and I went to the country, did a few pitches, and returned around 8:45pm as the sun was beginning to set. Paloma was still on the route, and she wasn’t very close to the top. Apparently some of the nuts were very stuck. As she cleaned the rest of their gear I watched the daylight fade along with my hopes.

A day when an aid climber saved me from getting on the route before it went into the shade

Finally there was only one nut left, and it was around 9pm. I had used normal white chalk to mark where my hands went (tick marks on the right side of the crack for right hand, left for left, with the direction of the tick indicating if my pinky went down or up), and colored chalk for gear. When I saw that the nut was not blocking either, I begged her to just leave it and let me try one last time. (to clarify, I did not clip the nut, I climbed around it as if it were not there) Thankfully, she agreed and descended. Yet again, I chose selfishness because I felt like it was my only option, asking others to make the one sacrifice I couldn’t make myself.

I started up the climb and everything felt different. Because of skin my expectations were realistic, but I was calm for the first time. The fear was finally gone. The pressure, gone. Just City Park and I, alone together as the darkness descended over the Lower Town Wall and the crowd below let their chatter fade to silence as they watched in anticipation, breaths collectively held. The air was the coolest it had been in weeks, yet there was a strange warmth inside the crack; normally one would expect the opposite as the sun heats the surrounding rock but not the slot itself. I knew I would no longer fall on any of the moves below my high point. As I did them I felt my feet stick when I expected them to stick, and slip when I knew they would slip, and I planned accordingly. My new gear beta worked like a charm, and before I knew it I was above the break.

The chalk in the center of the photo is marking a critical foothold. Par for the course on City Park

I felt myself slipping out of the last pinky locks but I told myself to weight the foot more and trust that it would stay, the micro beta I had identified on my previous attempt. As I pulled into the final hard section I felt tired, but in complete control. I sang to myself a song I had written about the climb and recited countless times during training over the past several months: “Watch those anchor gates, open up for me, for our City Park sending train.” With each move I became more and more certain that this was it, the moment that City Park had finally deemed me worthy. I placed each hand perfectly, each foot perfectly, and made not a sound until I was standing on the ledge below the final 5.11 section.

“Oh my God!” I yelled, as the small crowd below erupted in cheers of their own. In the past I have stayed on that ledge for up to several minutes, but within seconds I knew the true summit was calling my name and I could not wait. I began climbing once more and the voices below instantly silenced. All precision vanished as I slammed my hands into the final fingerlocks, feet skittering across the polished granite with no grace remaining. As I latched the final hold I let out a scream and felt tears immediately form and begin to fall. It was almost completely dark by now, and by the time I was back on the ground we had to pack up all our gear by headlamp.

In that moment I knew I had accomplished one of the most important and proudest things I have ever done with my life. City Park was never a goal, it was a dream. My dream. It was not about the process of ticking the boxes of each mini milestone, but about the relationship I formed with the route as it was happening. I fell more in love with each move every time I did it, each emotion each time I felt it. Fear, pain, adrenaline, hope, determination, joy, pride, and did I mention physical pain? There was a lot of it. In the end though it is all dwarfed by the overwhelming honor I feel at having been able to join my heroes in Index history as the first woman to climb City Park and the fourth person to place all gear on lead for a true redpoint.

While working it, many questioned if it was fun, or if it was worth the pain. To that I say this: to many it may not be. It’s just another climb, and it’s one that will not go down without a fight. That is why so few people have done it. City Park is a logistical nightmare. Conditions are critical yet elusive, skin is a constant issue, gear is finicky, thin, and downright scary, and no matter how you slice it the moves are just downright hard. There were parts that weren’t fun. There were parts that plain sucked. Those parts were when it was truly testing me however, and that was when it meant the most.

City Park I love you.

A near complete version of my beta (the final one has gear included)

The rack for most of the hard climbing

Another day, another gobe.

Having a good cry after sending my dream route

[hypnoobiwan]

Necro-smut:  Final Exam

While searching for something else, I discovered this old story that I wrote for an MC Forum event back in 2009 and never published anywhere else.

This is fantasy and contains examples of egregiously poor consent practices.  Doing this sort of thing in real life, without advance consent, would be at best sleazy, at worst criminal.  It’s also very hetero-centric, which is a function of the characters and the original intended audience.  (And 8 years ago, that was what I knew best.)

Final Exam

© Copyright 2009 by Wiseguy

Tracy kept looking at the slip of paper, the final assignment from her Advanced Hypnotic Writing class:

This exam has only one requirement: write a paper that influences the reader to give you the best possible grade for this class.  Demonstrate creativity as well as mastery of the concepts.

It couldn't really be this easy, could it?  No, Tracy smelled a rat. Surely Professor Hartman wouldn't subject himself to twenty attempts at manipulating his mind, even knowing what they were and what their goal was.  The whole purpose of the class, after all, was to teach people to bend minds through writing.  

Then she grinned.  No, of course he wouldn't put his own mind at risk. He'd do what every college professor with tenure does:  leave the grunt work to his aide.  And that gave Tracy her big idea.

“Creativity,” Tracy wrote, “is vital to all forms of persuasion.  Professor Hartman himself promotes creativity through his use of metaphor in his lectures and in his writings, which helps to explain why his class attendance attendance rate, like his salary, is the highest in the University.  

“Professor Hartman might well liken crafting a persuasive essay to spinning a clear, sparkling, crystal top.  It's easy to imagine that top, rotating smoothly on its point as its facets catch the light and throw it back in every direction.  How much prettier would it be, even, if one were to shine a light into it, producing an inner glow that shifts and jitters as the top slows and wobbles a bit?  And so the writer must invoke the reader's imagination, so that as you read these words you also think about that top and imagine it glowing, sparkling, and gradually slowing, weakening, wobbling.  And the vividness of that image might even cause the reader's mind to slow, to wander, as the top slows and wobbles, and that is perfectly okay because the mind is made to wander ��� it's in each person's nature to allow the mind to drift even as the eyes continue to read, to absorb the thoughts and ideas from the text directly into the mind, unfiltered, so easily and naturally.

Tracy felt her grin widen as she continued writing, embedding more and more suggestions designed to relax and disarm the reader's mind.  In her own mind she imagined Scott, that cute grad student who seemed to be Hartman's favorite flunky, reading her worlds and becoming glassy-eyed and still.  He will be mine, she promised herself.

“And even as you continue to relax your mind, to absorb and retain all of the thoughts and ideas I'm sharing with you now, you may not even consciously realize how the more you relax your mind the more easily you can understand and accept the nature of persuasion and the ability of mere written words to program the reader's thoughts and behaviors.

“Truly persuasive writing such as this taps into the strongest drives inherent in all readers, as noted by Hogan in The Art of Persuasion.  There is the drive for survival, for food and shelter, for security, and the reader can easily associate the fulfillment of these drives with taking the actions suggested in this text, but of course the strongest, the most easily invoked and the most powerfully persuasive of the basic drives is the sex drive.

“Even now, you can perhaps imagine a time when you were extremely satisfied sexually; when you felt secure and virile and desired, fulfilled completely.  And as you recall that feeling now, allowing it to grow and intensify, you may wonder exactly how or when you can have that feeling again.  And you may even imagine taking proactive steps to make that happen ...”

Tracy wrote and edited and polished her piece until nearly 4am.  Her pussy ached from the desire it induced in her just reading it; it had to work.  But just to be sure, she opened her email client.

Roger,

I need a second opinion on this and you're the best writer I know.  Would you give this a quick read-through?  I'm not worried about details yet; just give me your gut reaction to the piece as a whole.

I owe you one!

-T

She'd fibbed a bit:  Roger wasn't really that great a writer.  But he was one of those guys who was always willing to help, and he didn't have a girlfriend to object if the test worked.  Close enough.

Tracy flopped onto the bed and slept.

A few hours later, Roger White read Tracy's email and sighed.  He had his own last-minute work to do without also being Tracy's proofreader; this was his morning to spend studying.  Still, he figured a couple of minutes wouldn't put him too far off schedule.

He began reading, but his heart wasn't in it.  All this oblique persuasion stuff was hard to get a grip on and before long his mind was wandering all over the place, like a top winding down.  Down ... down ...

Tracy woke to a loud knocking.  “Trace?  Wake up, Trace!”

It took a moment for the cobwebs to clear.  Recognizing the voice helped.  “Just a minute, Roger.  I'm not decent.”

She grabbed an oversize V-neck shirt from the bottom drawer and pulled it on, making sure the hem came down far enough to cover the essentials, and opened the door.  “Hi, Rog.  C'mon in.”

He's here, she told herself, and he looks a little fidgety.  So far, so good.  She waved him toward the study chair and climbed back onto the bed, deliberately moving slowly enough for him to get an eyeful of her legs and backside before settling into a cross-legged position.  

Roger's eyes took in every crease and fold in the white shirt and delivered the message to his brain that Tracy was naked underneath it.  Was it his imagination, or had he caught a micro-glimpse of pussy before she had a chance to smooth out the shirt to cover herself?  No matter; in his mind he was picturing her naked, legs open as they were now but with his face buried between them.  Weird, a little piece of his mind thought, since I don't really like her that much.  Still the image persisted.

“You want me?”

“Yeah,” he answered automatically.  Then he realized what he'd just said and how it sounded.  “I mean, to see you.  About your paper.”

Tracy glanced at her alarm clock and saw it was only a little after 8am. “You read it already?”

“Uh huh.  A quick read, like you asked.  Actually, I might have read it more than once.  It was a little hard to follow in places.”

“A little hard, eh?  Did it get harder as you read?”

Something got hard, all right, he thought, and felt the stirrings again as he noticed her leaning forward, which improved the already hot view of her cleavage.  “Hard in parts, easier in others.”  He had to work not to stare.

She slid forward and let her legs unfold so that her feet touched the floor.  The shirt rode up underneath her, of course, and Roger found himself imagining her bare ass and getting hard again in spite of himself.  Then Tracy leaned forward and put a hand on his knee.  “Was there a part that affected you more than the rest, that made you want to take action?”

The blood was rapidly abandoning his brain, but Roger forced himself to focus.  “There was a place near the end where you talked about assertiveness,” he said.  “Knowing what you want and daring to take it.”

“Oh, yes.”  Her voice became almost a purr.  “It feels so good to be powerful, to take control, doesn't it?  Seeing what you want, Roger, knowing it's right there, exposed, available, and wanting so much. And then letting your mind relax, and give your body permission to feel good, to take what you want.  You know how much you want it right now, Roger, don't you?  How long will it be before you act on your desire?  Will you do it now, or will you let the desire keep building inside you until it overcomes every last bit of hesitation? How much do you want it?”

Roger's cock throbbed and his mouth went dry.  He lurched out of the chair toward Tracy, grabbed her face in his hands, and kissed her hard on the lips.  His tongue pushed into her mouth and found hers and he knew that his desire would be satisfied.  Barely aware of his own actions he yanked the shirt up and over her head and pushed Tracy down onto the bed.  He held her down and kissed his way down her body from the neck to the crotch, pausing only briefly to suck on each nipple.

In moments Roger was where he'd imagined himself just a few minutes before, with his face planted firmly between Tracy's legs licking her with enthusiasm.  He felt his way around, vaguely in his mind trying to identify the different parts, and slowly worked out which ones would make Tracy squeal and squeeze her legs around him when he licked them just so.  His tongue found the button and Tracy came hard, groaning and clamping his head between her thighs.  He held his spot and kept working it until her legs went floppy and loose.

While Tracy lay panting Roger drank in the sight of her naked body.  I should fuck her now, he thought, but for some reason the idea of putting his cock inside her didn't seem anywhere near as compelling as the urge to go down on her had been.  In fact, the longer he looked at her the more remembered that he wasn't really into her and the more awkward he felt about what he'd just done.

Finally Tracy recovered enough to look up at him and sigh happily.  “You do know a thing or two about taking what you want,” she said, sitting up slowly.  “Why don't you let me take care of you now?”  

Her hands moved forward toward his zipper but Roger retreated.  “That's okay, thanks,” he stammered.  “I, uh, really need to get to the library.  I'm supposed to be meeting Wendy Cho there at 8:45.”

She glanced at the clock.  “You're already late, then.  So I guess I owe you two.”

“Yeah, okay,” he fumbled.  “Glad I could help.  Ummm ... later, Trace.”

She let him get to the door and pulled the sheet over just enough to cover herself.  “Oh, Roger?”

“What?”

“Before you meet up with Wendy, you might want to wash your face.”

He touched his chin and felt the residue of her juices.  “Oh ... yeah. Thanks.”

She waited until the door closed before laughing to herself.  Oh, yes, this was going to be good.

Changing the test paper she'd sent Roger to reflect her ultimate goal was easy.  Attaching it to an innocent cover email, addressed to Hartman but copied to Scott per usual practice, was also easy.  

It was the waiting that drove Tracy up the wall.

She'd submitted a full day ahead of deadline in hopes of landing on top of the pile.  Still, she waited four agonizing days for the call she'd been hoping for.

Pausing only long enough for a quick gleeful squeal, she flipped open her phone.  “This is Tracy.”

“Hi, Tracy,” came the voice on the other end.  “This is Scott, Professor Hartman's TA.  I've been reading your final exam paper, and ... well, I have some feedback for you.  Can you meet with me?”

“You want me right now?” she asked, grinning.  

His voice was hesitant.  “If that's okay.  I ... umm ... think it would be best while it's fresh in my mind.  Do you know where Mesirow Hall is?”

“Mesirow ... isn't that one of the older dorms?”

“That's right.  Behind the Sciences building.  My roommate's away, so it's easier to focus here.  Is that okay?”

“Give me twenty minutes?”

The relief in his voice was so cute.  “Yes, of course.  Great.  I'll, uh, see you then.  Room A10.”

Mesirow Hall was, as Tracy suspected, one of the older dorm buildings.  It had a stately look to it, with ivy growing up the brick sides and black ironwork around the stairs and front door.  A10 turned out to be in a far corner of the ground floor.  Tracy noted the cinder block interior walls and approved.  Yes, she thought, it would be nice and quiet here.  Which was fine for her purposes.

She knocked on the door and it opened almost immediately.  “Hi,” Scott said, unconsciously running a hand over his unruly hair. “Please, come in.”

The room was bigger than hers, she noted.  The furniture was older, too, but in good shape.  And most importantly, the bed looked solid.  'You want me?”

Just like Roger, Scott fell into the trap.  “Yeah.  I mean, to talk to you.  About your paper.”  He stopped and made a visible effort to compose himself.  “Please, make yourself comfortable.”

Tracy sat down on his bed and allowed her right hand to come to rest in a way that invited him to join her.  Sure enough, he moved quickly from the wooden chair he'd been heading for to sit at her side.  Like taking candy from a baby, she thought, and for just a moment allowed herself to imagine what it would feel like when he went down on her.  She turned her body toward his, letting a hand come to rest on his thigh.  “What do you think?”

Scott went into a mental vapor-lock that showed in his face.  Tracy smiled and added, “About my paper.  You want to give me feedback, you said?”

He cleared his head.  “Oh, right.  I'm sorry.  A little scatterbrained today.  You know how it is sometimes, when your mind just starts to wander off on its own.  Sometimes you just find yourself getting distant and dreamy.  You can remember a time when you felt that, can't you?”

“Oh, yes,” she agreed, feeling a touch of that dreamy feeling herself. “It can be a pleasure to let go to that sometimes, can't it?  So tempting and so easy.”

“But not very productive,” he pointed out.  “So please do excuse me. I'll do my best to stay focused because I know how easy it is, when someone just starts droning on, to sort of tune out and let your thoughts take their own path.  And sometimes it's a very pleasurable path, that you can let your mind take, even as you do your best to look as though you're consciously listening to me and agreeing with what I say.”

Tracy nodded quietly, waiting for the chance to make her move.

“I love your imagery in this piece,” he continued.  “That description of the crystal top, spinning and reflecting the light, capturing the mind as it slows and wanders, winds down ... that's a powerful bit of writing, Tracy, and you must be very pleased that it's so wonderfully effective.  It feels good to imagine the reader, Tracy, imagining that top and feeling that open, compliant state quietly creeping over the mind.  You can do that, of course, I know you can, and that's perfectly okay.”

Tracy smiled again, watching Scott's eyes as he described her imaginary top.  She could see them growing fuzzy and soft so she focused on his voice, listening to the signs of his increasing arousal and desire. Her pussy quivered lightly in anticipation and she allowed herself to idly stroke his thigh.

“... and I know that Professor Hartman will be impressed with the creative way that you invoke the sex drive,” Scott was saying.  “We both know that deep down, Tracy, everyone craves sex.  A woman like you wants to have her pussy filled with a hot, hard cock, thrusting into her.  You know how good that feels, don't you, Tracy? Having a cock inside you, riding it, enveloping it, feeling it grinding and thrusting and stroking you from the inside?  How hot and wet does it make you to think about that right now, to think about riding a cock, pinning a man down and taking him inside you until you feel him come?”

Tracy's mind went straight to her groin, recalling the exquisite pleasure of being filled with a stiff, thick, skillful cock.  A cock like ... Scott's.  Yeah, Scott's.  But wait a minute, that's not what I --

Scott saw the disorientation and pressed his advantage.  “Some women can find that just thinking it, Tracy, just imagining what it would feel like to be riding a hard cock can make you want it, don't you agree? When do you suppose that urge first took hold, that quiet desire and arousal that made you want to seduce me?  How many nights did you lay in your bed, touching yourself, maybe stroking your breasts the way you are now, imagining what it will feel like when you ride my cock? Did you fantasize about persuading me to go down on you, making you come and come and come, and then sliding my cock inside you and fucking your brains out?  How hot does that make you right now, Tracy?  How wet is your pussy right now?”

Tracy squirmed.  Damned wet, she answered.  Aw, fuck, I can't concentrate!  Her mind filled with images of herself seizing what she wanted, reaching out and taking it.  And what she wanted was right there, just a foot away at most.  

Scott was still talking but Tracy had heard enough.  She bowled him over onto his back and yanked at the closure on his jeans.  He lifted his hips and helped her slide them down along with his boxers, and Tracy moaned in anticipation as she saw that he was already mostly erect. She bent down and took him into her mouth, sucking steadily as she worked his hard cock in and out of her mouth, deeper and longer, getting him so nice and hard, so ready.  

Her pussy begged her to hurry up, so she reached down with one hand to undo her own jeans and reached inside to frig herself.  She was already soaking wet, and that was good because Scott's cock felt completely ready.

She stood up long enough to shove her jeans and panties down to her ankles and then pounced on Scott before he could begin to sit up. His mouth opened and she clamped a hand over it.  “Enough talk,” she told him as she rose up into position.  “I'm taking what I want now!”  

Scott felt her envelope his cock and groaned at the pleasure of it.  His hips moved with hers, finding a rhythm and then increasing the tempo. “That's it,” Tracy said.  “Just let your body take over, doing what it knows it craves.”  His eyes focused beyond her on something on the ceiling, so she stripped off her shirt and then her bra for good measure.  “If you want to stare at something,” she told him, “stare at me.  See how horny you made me and know that you're going to get the fucking of your life right now.”

Their eyes met and locked together.  Scott reached up with his hands and squeezed her breasts and she knew she had him at last.  Tracy rode him harder, faster, deeper, until his eyes rolled back and she felt the hot gush of his seed inside her.  “That's it!  Yes!  Yes!”

She felt him slow and twisted his nipple.  Scott yelped and looked at her again.  “You're not done yet,” she said.  “Not by a longshot. I'm gonna ride you until you beg me to stop.  I'll keep you hard for an hour if I have to and there's nothing you can do to stop it.” She reached back with a hand and found his balls, then stroked her finger along the sensitive area just beyond.  Scott groaned and his cock, which had started to soften, swelled back to full attention. “That's it, Scott.  Your body wants me and your mind wants me. Your only hope is to make me come so hard that I forget what I'm here for.”

He renewed his thrusts, this time putting a little side swivel into his hips to change the sensation.  Tracy's eyes widened and then closed and her head rolled back.  Her words slurred into unintelligible, almost animal sounds and for a few moments Scott was in complete control.

Then his body betrayed him.  His cock tingled and his balls filled and that sensation of pressure, building pressure that had to be released, took over again.  He groaned and sped up, and Tracy felt the change.  She bore down on him with her pelvic muscles, making every thrust a sweet agony.  “You want to come,” she said.  “You need to come.  But first you have to please me, Scott.  Please me and come for me NOW!”

He grabbed for her nipples and tweaked them hard.  Tracy shrieked, threw her head back, and couldn't hold back any longer.  Her body clenched and her chest heaved and her gasping cries tested the cinder blocks. Scott watched her in the throes and let go, letting his body come again and straining to hold her in position until the end.

Tracy flopped on top of Scott, both of them panting and sweating and too exhausted to speak.  After several long minutes her mind cleared and she realized she was naked, sweating, and had just willingly fucked a teacher's aide.  She quickly slid off the still-blissed Scott and slapped him across the face.

“Hey!” he complained.  “What was that for?”

“You duped me!  You used embedded suggestions to get me all hot and horny and then made me jump your fucking bones, you creep!”

His eyebrows rose halfway up his forehead.  “So?  Isn't that more or less what your paper was supposed to do to me?”

“No, of course not!  I was just going to make you ... want me ... “  She realized how feeble it sounded but just didn't have anything better. “So you'd give me an A after you went down on me.”

“So I'm a creep?”

Tracy heaved a heavy sigh.  “Okay, so you're not the only creep in the room.  How did you turn that around on me, anyway?”

His answer came with a chuckle.  “How do you think I met Hartman?  By taking his class, of course!  And I got an A on the final, thank you very much.”

Well, duh! Tracy chided herself.  She flopped back onto the bed and took his hand.  “And what grade will you give me?”

His eyes met hers and there was a tiny glint in them.  “You did make a compelling case.”

They spent the rest of the afternoon in intense negotiations.

-wg 6/10/09

[amazingviralinfo]

Ashu Garg Crunch Network Contributor

Ashu Garg is a general partner at Foundation Capital.

How to join the network

This has been my Summer of Video several months when it became clear to me that weve reached an inflection point in the transition from linear TV to online video.

It started at the beginning of the season with the release ofThe Revolution Will Not Be Televised,which discussed the shift and how its transforming media and marketing. From studying these trends for the past five years, I understood intellectually that the video revolution was imminent. What I hadnt anticipated is that real-world events this summer would make a born-again believer out of me.

A few weeks later, I went to my first VidCon, the annual convention devoted to all things video. Of the 25,000 attendees, the majority were teenaged (and tweenaged) girls. They were there to see their favorite YouTubers video megastars like Nigahiga, Jenna Marbles, PewDiePie and countless other, um, names(?) that made me feel irreparably out of touch with pop culture.

There were panels by creators on VR storytelling, shooting drone footage and running a gaming channel. On the industry floor, large brands like Nestl and eBay gave presentations on how they were doing video marketing for todays consumers. It was an amazing experience like seeing the IRL instantiation of our whitepaper.

Then, for the rest of the summer, it seemed as though every time news broke, there was a video aspect to the story. A military coup in Turkey was thwarted in part because its president was able to rally his supporters via video sent from his iPhones native FaceTime app. Shootings and arrests were captured and shared instantly by private citizens on Facebook Live and Periscope. We witnessed the first widespread use case of AR, as millions of people around the world shambled along streets playing Pokmon Go.

On the business side, legacy media invested as never before in creating digital video and in video streaming. CNN launched CNN Air, its drone-video-newsgathering operation. Twitter made eyebrow-raising forays into live programming, inking deals with Bloomberg, Major League Baseballand the National Hockey League.

Meanwhile, Instagram decided that rather than beat Snapchat at video, it might as well join them. Netflix released its first piece of original VR content. Finally, as a too-perfect coda to this video summer, the last-known manufacturer of VCRs just ceasedproduction.

If youre an entrepreneur, you should be excited that the online video landscape is inchoate.

There have been a few moments in my life when it felt like the world was in the middle of installing an update; this is one of them.

Not to get too carried away, let me temper my enthusiasm by saying that the future hasnt arrived whole and in its shiny entirety. The innovations are out there in the real world, but these are still Wild West days for the new era of video, and realizing the transition wont be without its difficulties. But I believe if youre an entrepreneur, you should be excited that the online video landscape is inchoate, because that means there are enormous rewards awaiting anyone who can solve the challenges. Ill elaborate on a couple of areas of great opportunity

Content creation

One thing I took away from VidCon is that human needs and motivations are consistent across time the adolescent attendees werent so different from my peers when I was a youth. But the expression of those desires takes different forms in different generations. New media platforms are pervasive among the millennial generation and Gen Z. In her keynote presentation at the convention, Susan Wojcicki, YouTubes CEO, reported that more millennials watch YouTube during prime time than network broadcast TV. For Gen Zers who are growing up with Snapchat, Vine and Pokmon Go Im not sure it makes sense to say that traditional TV is dying, because I doubt its ever been a meaningful part of their lived experience.

Therefore, to start with, there are countless direct-to-consumer opportunities to innovate with content creation tools for these new media. Consider that only just this year have we seen (maybe) breakout tools for live streaming, in the form of Facebook Live and Snapchat Stories. Some early successes, like Vine, appear to be flailing.

Creators and audiences remain agnostic as to platform and application. They simply want frictionless means to create and view which is why YouTube rolled out new features in its app to make it effortless to go live. In other words, I dont think any tool has an insurmountable lead yet. And thats just live streaming a form of video that has analogs in old-school TV. When we turn to more novel forms of video content, like VR and AR, there are no household names in apps, even in the homes of Silicon Valley.

One marketer colleague thinks theres a need for a content production hub, one that allows people to make video and distribute it simultaneously across the various channels. Personally, Im skeptical. Past indicators are that no one-tool-fits-all model will do. You cant take video made for Snapchat and simply dub it for Periscope. Consumers demand authenticity, and that now means being true to the platform.

The most potent content is the kind that says something compelling and is a psychic echo of who its audience is or wants to be.

Even legacy media is abandoning its afterthought approach of either lazily dumping leftover TV scraps into digital, or halfheartedly cranking out B-side video. ABC, for example, recentlyannouncedit is producing dozens of digital shows that are viewable only via mobile or TV apps. Audiences wont sit for second-class content. They want video for Snapchat Stories, or Facebook Live, or VR that was specifically made, and appropriately well-made, for each particular platform.

Speaking of makers, video creators at least the more serious ones are a market waiting to be served. At VidCon we met many who made their living producing videos for YouTube and other platforms, and what they wanted was a) easy ways to create and share, b) to be paid for their work and c) to be treated like professionals with real jobs. Amazon.com is trying to address the monetization and professionalization issues with recently launched Amazon Direct. But theres little other innovation in the payment platform and creator services ecosystem.

Personalization and distribution

We wrote in The Revolution Will Not Be Televised that when CMOs achieve video nirvana, scalable personalized content will be ever present. Well, easier said than done. But within each piece of that prediction is a promising marketing tech opportunity.

Scalable. A particular challenge that marketers face is simply how to produce compelling video, and enough of it. Agencies are prohibitively expensive for most businesses, and too slow to respond to the social web. Native advertising looks far less promising than a few years ago, as its become clear that even the biggest players in the space, BuzzFeed and Vice being prime examples, are running into trouble trying to scale and Facebook continues to eat their lunch as content distributors. Taking it all in-house might be an option for the largest brands. But for SMBs, what are reasonable ways to staff up in order to be able to create myriad kinds of video for myriad platforms?

Personalized. Figuring out what kind of video content individual consumers should be served and when/where they should see the content is another opening for startups. Data has transformed the rest of modern marketing, and it will do so with video marketing. By collecting and analyzing data from mobile, payment systems, wearables and the Internet of Things, marketers will be able to build a 360-degree profile of particular consumers in order to educate their content and micro-target potential customers. Individuals will only see videos that are of interest to them, in the channels most appropriate for them. It shouldnt surprise anyone that the industry thats taken a lead on mining data to deliver (intimately) personalized video content is the online pornography business.

Contemporary audiences wont be dictated to by faceless institutions anymore.

Ever present. The new mechanisms for distributing video are also still being worked out. Ive already mentioned the scaling issues with media outlets. Blogs continue to have currency, but are not nearly as influential as a decade ago. So-called influencers have grown in importance as channels for content distribution but does a viable business model exist for harnessing the power of these disparate individuals who hold sway over millions of loyal followers? Perhaps its still the medium itself with a twist thats the message: Pokmon Go, case in point, recently launched in Japan with its first major sponsor, McDonalds. Or maybe theres a way to work with creator communities to make, test and distribute content via their channels. Theres a danger, however, that a brand working with a creator will erode the trust that their fans place in them, which brings me to my final observation.

A concluding word about authenticity

If I were to boil down to one key point all the developments Ive witnessed in video over the last few months, it would be that the power has shifted to consumers. Gone are the days when three TV networks dictated what everyone watched; when news anchors were the trusted authorities on whats happening in the public affairs; when slickly produced commercials were all you needed to sell your wares.

TV viewership is in steady and irreversible decline. The police-shooting videos were captured by ordinary citizens. The celebrity YouTubers who fans were screaming for at VidCon werent like the big record label-manufactured boy bands of the recent past. Susan Wojcicki shared a remarkable survey finding that 60 percent of teenagers say YouTube stars understand them better than their friends.

Contemporary audiences wont be dictated to by faceless institutions anymore. They only trust real people, and they insist that their content be authentic. Or at least that the content and its creator do a credible job of passing for real. Even global celebrities like Taylor Swift have had to manufacture verisimilitude, despite maybe being, in actuality, cold-blooded pop stars.

Nor are the most engaged consumers satisfied with passive entertainment. Amusement will always be welcome, but todays audiences also value media that allow them to connect and to have a say be that through chance meetings with other Pokmon catchers, finding a nurturing YouTube subculture of ones own or tweeting in solidarity with digitally enabled social justice movements. The most potent content is the kind that says something compelling and is a psychic echo of who its audience is or wants to be.

The people rule. The populi demands that the vox be theirs. And what that voice is calling for on many different levels, from viewing habits to voting preferences, from consumer behavior to civil disobedience is revolution. Entrepreneurs and marketers would do well to listen as well as watch.

[westfallingforchaol]

I’m incredibly conscious now of the fact that I start every monthly wrap-up post with a generic line about how the year is flying by so fast, and that I can’t believe it’s X month already, even though it’s always true. So, I refuse to do that from here on out. But then… how do I start these posts? I’m in sort of a sticky situation.

July was a month of ups and downs in my personal life.

It started with a bang – quite literally. For the first time since I moved to the US, I was actually in New York City for July 4th, so my parents and I headed over to Manhattan to the East River to watch the legendary Macy’s fireworks show. Getting there a few hours early just to score a good spot was worth it – the show was absolutely beautiful, and I loved a nice outing with my family. My parents are always so busy with their business, and I’m almost always away for school, we rarely get to spend time together. The occasion was nice, if only for that.

I’m such a lazy person, you have no idea. I can spend days inside the house, watching TV, reading books, listening to music for days without a care in the world, so it’s surprising how many times I actually got off my ass and headed into the city this month. I live quite far away when I’m not dorm-ing for university. I need to take a train for forty-five minutes, then a thirty-minute ferry just to get into the city… then, the Manhattan travel is another story completely. But one day, I set aside everything and headed to the city to hang out with a friend. We saw The Big Sick, I broke my book-buying ban for just a little while and bought four books from the Strand, and then I saw Spiderman: Homecoming at the iMax in Lincoln Square. I honestly thought Spiderman: Homecoming wasn’t worth the hype, but I still enjoyed the film; The Big Sick was wonderful though.

I finally joined the gym, much to the glee of my parents, lol. I’ve been meaning to lose weight for a really long time now, but I hate exercising – especially if it’s the gym. I like to swim, but there aren’t any good pools around me, so the gym is always my last resort. I almost never want to go willingly. But hopefully I’ll start making a change to my lifestyle. It’s needed.

In memory of Chester Bennington

Perhaps the one thing that hit me hardest this summer was the lead singer of Linkin Park, Chester Bennington’s death. When I was nine years old, I had just lost my younger brother to cancer, and my parents and I moved across the world from London to Pakistan to start over, for all intents and purposes. I had suddenly become an only-child, my parents’ relationship was fraying at the edges with more fights than I could handle, and I found myself in a surrounding that was completely foreign to me. At that time, I relied almost entirely on music to get me through the day. And when Linkin Park’s music came into my life, suddenly I felt that there was someone in the world I could relate to.

Ever since, I’ve turned to the band’s music – in its always-evolving creativity – to get me through some of my hardest times. The band wasn’t something that was there for me during my childhood or teenage years – they were there for me now. They were the first celebrities I decided to properly fangirl over, to the point of watching backstage videos of them goofing around, having fun. I sat through hours and hours of concert footage, in complete awe. I’ve cried with them, I’ve laughed with them, I’ve hurt with them… and then, to suddenly get the news that the person who literally saved your life has passed away by taking his own? That broke me for a while.

I spent days mourning Chester. I cried for him, and I’ve never cried over a celebrity death before- it just hit me so deeply in a place that hadn’t hurt for a long time. I spent days beating myself up: 1) I didn’t even know him, so how in the world could this hit me so hard, and 2) if he really did save my life, I strangely felt guilty that I couldn’t do anything to ease the pain he was in. But then I realized a few things – Chester’s music touched me because he was open about what he was going through, and by sharing himself, his heart and soul, he helped a lot of people. This became apparent as millions of people around the world mourned him, and wrote thinkpieces about how much Chester meant to them in their teenage years. And I realized that I wasn’t alone in mourning someone I didn’t know; he wasn’t just a singer, just some celebrity. He was my support system in my darkest of times, and I had come to consider him a friend. For me, losing him was like losing a friend, and it hurt. A lot.

I’ll miss Chester a lot, because for a while there after his death, I felt lost. Back in that nine year-old body. A kid who doesn’t know what to do anymore. How are you supposed to live in a world where the person who saved your life ends up taking his own? But with the support of my friends, the community and Linkin Park and Chester themselves, I’ve learned that it’s okay to hurt. It’s strange, but ever since he passed, I’ve shared more about my insecurities with my friends than I ever had before, and I’m slowly starting to learn that it’s alright to be vulnerable with people. We’re all human beings who hurt and suffer, and it’s so important to tell people what you’re going through. Ultimately, I’ll always be thankful to him, and the band for making me who I am, for staying with me when there wasn’t a light to hold on to. I’ll be… always thankful. And I’ll always remember Chester, both for what he’s done for me, and for the kind, funny, wonderful, brave person he was.

But you’re all here for my reading wrap-up, so enough of this, and let’s get into the books!

I read a lot this month. And by a lot, I mean a LOT.

Back in 2014, there was a time when I was reading an average of one book every two days. Somewhere along the way, I lost my mojo – I blame Netflix and school, but after years, this month was an incredible one. I was reading constantly – in the form of audiobooks, backlist books, ARCs, whatever. I’m on a book-buying ban; I can only buy a new book after I have read five books that I already own, and in an effort to buy a book I’ve been looking forward to reading, I’ve been reading my owned books quicker. Does that make sense? So in total, I read a whopping sixteen books! A bunch of them were great reads –  some of them were bad eggs, so here’s the breakdown by the order in which I read them:

🌟🌟🌟🌟

🌟🌟🌟🌟 1/2

🌟🌟🌟

🌟🌟

EARTH BOY (SON OF DJINN #2) BY SAMI SHAH // 🌟🌟🌟🌟

Earth Boy was an incredible finale to an incredible duology full of djinn, chudails, infused with South Asian and Islamic lore, full to the brim with genuine scares, beautifully constructed writing, dark humor, and complicated social issues. I am so deeply in love with the world Sami Shah has crafted, with the characters in these two books, and the fierce adventures they go on. It’s genuinely dark and delicious with creatures and myths from some of my worst nightmares, but not only that, Sami Shah also ensures that he discusses relevant things like intolerance, poverty and terrorism while he’s telling a fast-paced, action-packed story. I cannot recommend this duology enough. It’s so underrated, so please check it out!

Triggers apply for: Torture, rape, child abuse, terrifying scenes, strong violence.

🌼

LITTLE & LION BY BRANDY COLBERT // 🌟🌟🌟🌟 1/2

Little & Lion was definitely my favorite book of the month. It’s a wholesome contemporary by definition of the concept with a strong focus on one girl’s relationship with her stepbrother, her family, her friends, her two crushes, and herself. It’s a book with a diverse cast of characters, tackling issues of racism, microaggressions, biphobia, mental health stigma, and figuring out who you are at an age where very little makes sense. It’s a book I will recommend for a long, long time. It releases on the 8th of this month, so please jump on it. Here’s my review.

Triggers apply for: Micro-aggressions for racism, biphobia, lesbophobic slurs, mental health stigma, anxiety, bipolar disorder.

🌼

THE GENTLEMAN’S GUIDE TO VICE & VIRTUE BY MACKENZI LEE // 🌟🌟🌟

This was a book I was highly anticipating, and considering the hype monster around it, I was super excited to get to it. It’s a tome of a book with almost 600 pages with a diverse cast of characters on a road trip in eighteenth century Europe. There’s adventure, humor, romance, sex, scandal and some magic thrown in the mix, resulting in an extremely fast-paced, action-packed book that’s just incredibly fun to read. But despite enjoying it, I couldn’t bring myself to like the main character. He was too frat-boyish to me, and I understand he’s meant to be unlikable in order for the redemption to happen, but he says way too many things and does way too many things for me to be able to forgive him over the course of a hundred or so pages. Moreover, I felt the paranormal aspect fell flat, and the plot could’ve been more cohesive.

Triggers apply for: racism, homophobia, misogyny, ableism.

🌼

THE 57 BUS BY DASHKA SLATER // 🌟🌟

Like most autobiographies/biographies, I’m uncomfortable reviewing this… It zooms in on a hate crime committed against an agender teen named Sasha, who’s skirt was lit on fire by a young black teen one fateful bus ride. Sasha’s story is a real one – they went through the very real physical and emotional trauma of the crime, while Richard – the person who uncharacteristically committed the horrendous crime – underwent the punishment. Dashka Slater, through real interviews, police files, news clippings, etcetera, pieces together a deeply intimate look at the failings of the justice system, how institutionalized and systematic racism is ruining black youth’s lives, putting them at a severe disadvantage. However, Slater – a white woman – uses the N-word several times in the book… and… that word is not for a non-black person to use. To me, while the criminal justice system’s exposé was important, I also felt the book was unbalanced and the emphasis was placed on the person who committed the crime over the person who was the victim. This made me uncomfortable.

Triggers apply for: use of racist and nonbinary-phobic and transphobic slurs, misgendering, hate crime against an agender teen, institutionalized racism.

🌼

🌟🌟🌟🌟

🌟🌟🌟🌟

🌟

🌟1/2

THE COLDEST GIRL IN COLDTOWN BY HOLLY BLACK // 🌟🌟🌟🌟

This was the first Holly Black book I’ve ever read, and it definitely will not be the last. It was perfectly balanced with the right amount of romance, the right amount of action, and the perfect creep-factor. I’m not big on vampire novels, because most of them have already been done already… what’s new to be offered in the genre? But Holly Black makes them sexy and interesting again; I loved the characters, and I enjoyed the main character’s feisty yet compassionate, kind, vulnerable self too. I’m so excited to read other books by Black.

🌼

GOODBYE DAYS BY JEFF ZENTNER // 🌟🌟🌟🌟

Goodbye Days was a book that took me by surprise; I became more invested in the characters than I thought I would, and I found myself mourning people that were dead before the book even began. I loved the concept of saying one final goodbye to people who’ve been taken way too soon, and I think Zentner deals with topics of grief, loss and guilt extremely well. I did, however, take issue with some of the unchallenged suicide/self-harm jokes in the book. You can read my full review here.

Triggers apply for: Racist micro-aggressions against a Filipina character, suicide/self-harm jokes, homophobic jokes (mostly challenged), grief, death.

🌼

CARAVAL BY STEPHANIE GARBER // 🌟

The hype monster for Caraval was one of the biggest hype monsters I’ve ever seen in my four years of blogging. And because of this reason, this book was a massive let down. I hated the main characters, the sisterhood bond was nothing short of a joke, serious issues were used as plot devices without exploring potential psychological ramifications, and the writing was inconsistent and seemed try-hard. You can find my full review here.

Triggers apply for: Suicide, physical and emotional abuse by a parent, self-harm.

🌼

THE LOVE INTEREST BY CALE DIETRICH // 🌟 1/2

This was probably one of the most disappointing books I’ve read this year – mainly because I’ve had my eye on it ever since it was announced! It sounded amazing: a satirical take on dystopians with a love triangle where the two dudes fall in love with each other? Bro, that sounds so cool. But the characters were extremely flat, to the point where the satire became laughable on its own. The writing wasn’t special, and it read more like a contemporary than a sci-fi dystopian. I DNF’d at 55%.

🌼

🌟🌟🌟

🌟🌟🌟🌟

🌟🌟🌟🌟

🌟🌟🌟

THAT THING WE CALL A HEART BY SHEBA KARIM // 🌟🌟🌟

As a Pakistani Muslim, I barely get any representation in YA lit, so imagine my glee when I found out that this was a book that offered me just that. And while Sheba Karim does a great deal of things right in this book, much of it fell flat. It deals with open, frank discussions about religion, Islamophobia in the West, expectations from hijabis, assigning statuses and labeling people as “representatives” of a certain identity. I adored the main character’s best friend to the point where I wanted the book to be about her, rather than Shabnam, the protagonist. I hated Shabnam, and that was the point but her development and redemption doesn’t come soon enough to save the novel. The romance was cringe-worthy and cheesy too.

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THERE’S SOMEONE INSIDE YOUR HOUSE BY STEPHANIE PERKINS // 🌟🌟🌟🌟

There’s Someone Inside Your House was a delight to read. I read it in a couple of sittings, flying through it with ferocious speed. It was so incredibly fun, reminiscent of slasher flicks set in small towns. Stephanie Perkins is a talented writer, of course, and it shows because she strikes the perfect balance between her trademark cutesy contemporary (because the romance in this is adorable), while also doing justice to the thrill and horror of the serial killer storyline. The cast was diverse as well, and I enjoyed the atmospheric quality of the entire book. It would honestly make a great TV show.

Triggers apply for: some transphobic language was in my ARC, but I know Perkins has since addressed and amended it for the final copy; racist microagressions against the main character who is biracial black/Native Hawaiian; graphic depictions of murder & gore.

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THE EPIC CRUSH OF GENIE LO BY F. C. YEE // 🌟🌟🌟🌟

This was a book everywhere on Twitter, and rightfully so. The Epic Crush of Genie Lo is an incredible urban-fantasy inspired by Chinese lore with a feisty, relatable main character who’s trying to handle her schoolwork, her future plans for college, a separated family, and a bodyshaming yet loving mother… and now you’re throwing demons in the mix?! It was adventurous, fast-paced, action-packed, and at times laugh-out-loud funny, while never losing its charm of being subtly relatable with characters that you grow to adore. My only real complaint was that I would’ve preferred more balance between the action and the slower moments, even if that meant the book had to be fifty or so pages longer.

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SAINTS AND MISFITS BY S. K. ALI // 🌟🌟🌟

I set myself up for disappointment for this book, mainly because perhaps I was expecting a little too much. For one, there is so much this book does right. It’s true that Western media often only promotes Muslim books that fit their own version of what Islam should be like. Saints & Misfits is unapologetically Muslim, with a lovable, wonderful main character who takes pride in her culture, religion and is fully immersed in it, while never being defined by it either. I loved her relationship with her family and friends, and I loved seeing her develop over the course of the novel. But there was virtually very little plot, which will eventually be the downfall of the book for readers who enjoy a more cohesive storyline.

Triggers apply for: sexual assault.

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FINAL GIRLS BY RILEY SAGER // 🌟🌟

After the magic of There’s Someone Inside Your House, I was in a bit of a thriller/slasher kick, so I decided to pick up Final Girls – which was a book I was absolutely certain I was going to enjoy. But I was left severely disappointed. It was exciting and unputdownable, that’s for certain, but the characters were flat, and it was more mystery than thriller or horror. The mental illness representation was awful, and there were so many insensitive remarks thrown towards someone who committed suicide- it made me stomach turn. The ending was cheesy and cartoon villain-y. It was just… a disappointment.

Triggers apply for: Poor mental illness representation, suicide, violent murder.

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THE SERPENT KING BY JEFF ZENTNER // 🌟🌟 1/2

After loving Goodbye Days by the same author earlier in the month, I decided to give his debut novel a go too, but it definitely wasn’t as good as his second. The Serpent King explores the South, religion, guilt and feeling stuck as well as I expected Zentner too, but most of the characters didn’t connect with me. Plus, I felt that Dill’s mental health was glossed over – more emphasis needed to be placed on therapy and recovery. I also didn’t feel a connection between the two people involved in the main romance at all. I’ll avoid saying more for risk of spoilers. There’s also a lot of racism and use of slurs in the book – these aren’t unchallenged, and they’re clearly not Zentner’s views but rather an authentic portrayal of the backwardness of many in the South, but I felt this could’ve been done without the use of slurs.

Triggers apply for: pedophilia, depression, religious intolerance, racism, homophobic slurs, grief, death.

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WHEN I CAST YOUR SHADOW BY SARAH PORTER // 🌟

Listen… I wish I could tell you what this book was, but I genuinely have no clue. It was so… weird and disturbing. For starters, the characters were all one-dimensional, flat and pretentious even when they showed the slightest bit of personality. The book was messed up on so many levels with some incest going on, some statutory rape that is never properly addressed, a dude possessing his own brother and then sleeping with his girlfriend, like… what the fuck was this book, and how was half this stuff greenlit?! It’s safe to say that I despised it, and I honestly cannot believe I made it through the whole thing.

Triggers apply for: vague incest stuff, sexual assault, statutory rape, drug use, death by overdose, suicidal ideations, self-harm.

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NEVER LET ME GO BY KAZUO ISHIGURO // 🌟🌟🌟 1/2

Never Let Me Go had been on my TBR for approximately 4459679456 years, and I finally got around to reading it – and I must say that I enjoyed it more than I thought it would. I couldn’t put it down; it was definitely a page-turner, and I enjoyed the personal way it was written. It felt like Kathy was sitting in front of me, telling me the story as it happened, rather than me reading it from the eyes of someone who lived it. I enjoyed the duplicity and multi-faceted personalities of the characters, and was invested in all their conflicts; however, for a large portion in the middle of the book during their time in the Cottage, I lost interest, and much of that interest never came back. Plus, the ending was super info-dumpey.

Triggers apply for: disturbing thematic content, grief, loss.

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Apart from reading, I watch Netflix and listen to music.

I’ve been re-watching The Office over the summer, and I’m almost done with Season 6 now; if you haven’t looked into watching it, I highly suggest you do. The first season is a little dull, but it gets incredibly funny during the second season. I’ve been meaning to watch a new TV show before the summer officially ends, so if you have any suggestions, let me know.

Also, Game of Thrones is back! I loved the first three episodes, even though parts of them felt very fan-fictiony. I’m just so stoked that these storylines are continuing, and I’m getting to see some of my favorite characters be bad-ass. Just crossing my fingers and hoping for George R. R. Martin to hurry up with the sixth book.

As for music, I’ve decided that instead of individually linking videos like I do every month, I would construct a playlist of what I’ve been listening to for the month. So here’s my Spotify list of great songs you should maybe (definitely) check out, including some pop, some rock, some electronic. All over the place, like it goes.

So that’s it for my July wrap-up. Let me know if you’ve read any of the books mentioned above, and if you did, what’d you think of them? I hope July was a wonderful month for y’all, and I hope August is even better. As always – thanks for stopping by, and happy reading!

Monthly Recap: July ’17 I'm incredibly conscious now of the fact that I start every monthly wrap-up post with a generic line about how the year is flying by so fast, and that I can't believe it's X month already, even though it's always true.