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bottomless-brainrot · 1 year ago

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SALTBURN AS PORTALS ( melanie martinez ) SONGS

a/n | just a fun little rant and analysis of how specific songs on the album represent a character, their actions or emotions that I believe fit how I saw them within the movie. also i've never done a character analysis before so i will try to make my ideas clear for those of you who would like to read them.

a/n | also sorry if i repeat my points lol.

saltburn spoilers below

CHARACTERS

Oliver Quick - Tunnel Vison

yeah, you can look, but you can’t touch / i’m not just anybody

not the first thing i want to get into but i will be going through the songs line by line so here goes…

to start is the obvious ‘hands off’ rule that we find out is bestowed upon all of Felix’s ‘toys’ that he has brought out to Saltburn. Vague mentions of previous friends from Venetia, the hovering eyes of Farleigh for Oliver’s next slip-up and the instant anger Felix gets at Oliver for not understanding that he wasn’t for the other and just supposed to entertain him.

it was clear that the family seemed to be fascinated with him the same way people would at a zoo or an art museum, staring at the priceless treasures from a distance and never to get as close to them as a handler would

eyes on the prize,…that’s your demise, yeah, you hold me like you’re rushing to my thighs

Oliver’s weird sexual tension with Felix throughout the movie due to that white savior complex

his way in right from the start was Felix’s need to fix him; that power in knowing that he could make him happier than whatever Oliver had now.

honeysuckle and fresh meat / but i’m more than that

the Cattons never saw Oliver to be on their level. Oliver was always told who he was and how to act from the family so much so that they believed his innocent act up until their final moments. he easily weaved himself into a core front of the family in a matter of days really showing that he wasn’t to be underestimated…

playing house to distract me / but you’re no good at acting

thinking back to the scene where Felix is talking to Oliver and Oli mentions that his family has problems and Felix instant shift of posture and interest is such a dead give away

i mean it took Oliver one bat of an eye lash and a smile to find out each individual family member’s deepest darkest secrets and twist them into a control point for his own game.

seeing that at it’s core, the Cattons weren’t anything but forced smiles and money bags of a picture perfect family. such an old money move.

i make them tumble down the hill they climbed / i don’t regret it

using the family to slowly climb up the ranks and then getting rid of them one by one just so he could have it all to himself.

king of the hill moment

show me how far obsession goes / could have been more now we’ll never know

in the end, i am a firm believer that if Felix listened and forgave him then Oliver wouldn’t have given him the poisoned glass.

if he had mentioned that they were still friends but he needed some time to think, Oli would have definitely poured out the glass and un-pretend to be wasted out if his mind to have a better conversation and 'fix' things.

but anyway, Oliver spilling his guts to Felix and still not having that wholehearted love reciprocated really did a number on him which led to the killing no doubt. what they could have had together in the end was only left for one.

i saw a post on here earlier might link if i find it but it was something like “oliver having sex above his grave because he couldn’t ever do anything with Felix unless there was a distance between them” and i couldn’t agree more!

Felix Catton - Spider Web

flexing like pricks with their stolen power / they're just who the spider will eat

not that Felix was flaunting his wealth or his social status, but that was what made him a target to Oliver as well as his desperate need to 'help' him get away from what he thought was his hectic lifestyle

he was gullible enough to believe everything he was told over his own family countless times, and even after finding out the lies he still chose to hide the truth because he didn't want to be seen in a different light to his family.

thinking about that line "you’re kind about everyone, you can't be trusted." so heavily right now.

didn't ask for this dangerous visibility / i'm feeling too scared to sleep

the moment when Oliver spills his guts and tells Felix he did it all just for him. made himself into this character just so that he could get close to him and secure his spot within his life as a friend.

it left Felix visibly staggered as he thinks about everyone else who could have done the same; everyone else he's left high and dry for his attention and the possible lengths they went through to try and get it back in his past.

better off dead than stuck in a maze / the center may seem like a gift

Felix having sex in the maze believing no one would find him there because its a place he knows like the back of his own hand. however, Oliver's interruption makes it known that he is more exposed than he thought.

also to me his death being at the center of the maze and him being the dead center of the family as they all mourn him with such vigor and slowly lose their minds really gets to me.

up all night, bound to their addiction to it / lifeless eyes, they die in the pit of the spider web

Felix's premature death being the root to how Oliver get his 'in'. he was the hub of the web and after his death is when everything truly spiraled into chaos and one by one his family followed him to the grave.

Elspeth Catton - Leeches

leeches surrounded, conscience is throbbing

Elspeth my love you dissevered only happiness.

i think we could all agree that the wealth came from her as well as the family’s popularity due to her younger years in life with her career

Elspeth, as we come to find out, has met many influential individuals throughout her life as well as the free loaders.

we hear about the numerous people that have come to Elspeth for favors and help in their troubled time, that really only used her kindness to get into a life of luxury. ( not including pamela )

although it is draining for her, she never openly complains about how helping is a bother for her building up the exhaustion until someone else brings it up.

let all their friends in, the enemy's present

Felix gets his kindness from his mother’s side obviously, thats clear in how she is so inviting with Pamela and Oliver regardless of their circumstances.

i cannot stress enough how i feel like she would have ket Pamela at Saltburn if nothing was whispered to her about how ‘awful’ Pamela was.

she was drawn into the direction of who was the problem in the eyes of others but never her own. thinking about the dinner table scene after finding Felix’s dead body n how Farleigh called out to her to save him instead of pleading his case. he knows she would have saved him like she has before.

how much blood can you draw / with your claws from a flesh that's not yours? / my hands aren't yours, and / gnaw on my bones, no marrow left

honestly hate how Oliver played the long game with her

he found out her routine after Sir James’ death, stalked her, gave her a false sense of home after losing her entire family by his hands and then killed her off and stole all her wealth.

i believe she had the most tragic death and if you want to debate on the argument of ‘innocence,’ she really displayed no evils.

Venetia - Womb

oh the rant im about to do

a seed in mother and I chose that space for me / little does she know it's free, ooh, yeah

the moment i saw her on screen i just knew she had some sort of issue with her mother and boy was i so on the spot

its vague when Elspeth mentions it so i could be completely wrong but i believe Venetia ( and Felix ) was raised by her grandparent ( “my mother always said born masochist” )

i felt that Venetia has wanted to get a rise out of her mother with her sexual activities because she was never given that parental figure she wanted. never been disciplined the way she should’ve as a child or told good from bad.

how Elspeth just dumps out all Venetia’s dirty laundry the moment she meets Oliver and doesn’t seem to care that she’s flaunting herself to a complete stranger. almost encourages it!

its no wonder she’s so close with her brother because he’s shown true spine with her

and I know my brother / he'll make the journey later on / conversations in the cosmos, yeah

if you didnt pick up on the incestuous relationship between Felix n Venetia i don’t believe we watched the same movie.

a lot of what im saying is up for debate but i know that their parents took trips frequently. the casual mention of going to London for Pamela’s funeral was all by chance and if Elspeth hadn't said anything they would have left without a word, and seeing how okay with it Venetia and Felix were gave me so many thought on them.

just being stuck in all of Saltburn by themselves just free to do with the wealth and the space as they please alone together

for years it must have always been them, maybe Farleigh was there on occasion but most of the time its been them.

and i can see with Felix it’s beyond protective brother. no he’s made claim to Venetia the same way he’s done for Oliver and all his past friends.

“i’m used to it, honestly. he never liked sharing his toys. even the ones he doesn’t want to play with anymore.” oh im so sick

at first i had thought Oliver was replaced again but she was referring to herself in this moment and that did it for me.

Felix claiming his own sister for himself, she doesn’t need another males approval because Felix is all she has depended on for her every need why should she stop now even if he doesn't think of her in that way anymore?

why should she go for another when he’s still here? why go through that pain when he’s only ever showed her real happiness?

no one could ever be as impactful as him in her life and whenever someone gets close he cuts them off. i’m gonna climb the walls

feeling alive, the closer that I get to my life / i’m pushing out the center, the core / i’m sweating through the flower no more, no more

Venetia finding her control and power through the means of her own body is sickening to me.

like openly saying how she got molested and her own mother making a joke out of it and offering her to a stranger im so sick and furious right now.

sex being the only way she’s noticed, the only way people will listen to her the way she wants instead of being seen like some fragile beauty like her mother

all of the planning, yet I still feel unprepared / kick and screaming 'cause I'm scared, ooh, yeah

sorry to bring it back to the incest but my god you cannot tell me she doesn’t get at all Felix’s closet friends for the giggles

Venetia is sickeningly scared of losing the one person in the house she’s emotional intertwined to so of course she interjects herself into his relationships the only way she knows how — and it works every time.

getting with all of Felix's best friends to spend more time with Felix as the lover of his closest friends this girl was obsessed

she knows he’ll get mad and she knows she’ll get that parental chiding from Felix but he will never cut her off the way he does his friends because they only have each other in end.

the intimacy between them tells a story only woven by having to embrace one another on a different level then just siblings. they were naked in front of each other sunbathing unabashed like a regular tuesday for fucks sake.

and I know she suffers contractions of hell and death / eyes are bloody screaming out, ooh, yeah

thinking about her final moments with this

bathing in Felix’s bath tub, soaking in his soap, smelling his aftershave on Oliver’s face like second nature, seeing his clothes on another man and feeling so disgusted and yet its so inviting.

she kisses Oliver in the heat of the moment not because its him but because if she closes her eyes and forget for just a moment it would have been Felix.

but of course its not enough and its not the same as having him there alive so she chooses.

a life on earth that's a living hell without the man that makes her whole or to be reunited with him in death. she chose the latter.

Farleigh - Void

it's tastin' kinda lonely / and my mind wants to control me

the self-preserving outcast of the Cattons.

its clear in the script and Archie did such a wonderful portrayal of his emotions because that boy Farleigh was really there for himself.

he had his own back from the get go

he’d be present within all conversation but at the same time watching everyone, pinpoint each and every shift in the pecking order and making sure he doesn’t leave his place in the middle of it all.

no one here but me to judge me

whether it ever was a race thing or if it was just a status thing, Farleigh knew of his own worth and because of it he knew the other couldn’t ever understand him no matter how much explaining would need to be done

then comes in Oliver, the outcast with a need for a approval that he knows will overshadow his own

honestly i never thought he hated him per se, but he knew of his intentions from the start he just underestimated how low Oliver would go to maintain his own position

i’m tryin' to find the doorway / my eyes are starin' at me / and they seem so damn unhappy

his family struggles and pride being his greatest turmoil of all in the movie

seeing how easily the Cattons give away their wealth to complete strangers over their own bloodline must not have been easy, especially having to go and beg for it.

i believe he wanted a way out of it, to find some way to rely on himself to support his side of the family but that wasn’t something be could have easily obtained so the Cattons were his only real option.

pipe down with the noise, i cannot bear my sorrow

Farleigh being the first to notice Oliver for who he is the night of the death and the morning following hurt me so much

if he had more of a backbone to press into Felix and the rest of the family that this nobody can’t get close to them i feel like things would have been so different.

Felix was a family matter, Oliver’s presences wasn’t a needed one especially only having known him for a single term. it was just invading

in that moment of sadness is when it clicked for Farleigh, if not that Oli was the root of the problems at Slatburn he had to be a factor in them

but do to his own emotions he couldn’t find the right way to expose it.

look at the mess i've done, there is nowhere to run, yeah / holdin' a loaded gun, the void

Oliver outing Farleigh in the end to ensure that he was dealt with in his plan. i’m furious

not that anything he was doing the night of the party was right but he wasn’t the only one

the maids scrubbing cocaine from the toilets and tables highlights that plus Venetia and Felix were there too but Farleigh was only trying to fit in and keep his place in the close circle so he joins them. if he were reluctant to or chicken out then he wouldn’t be a toy anymore and that looming pressure of loosing his funding was already enough to keep him chained to them.

but it was never something he could have denied or challenged especially with his history so he had no choice but to leave all his life and behind and get replaced by a nobody.

Sir James - Battle of the Larynx

explained within duo expression.

Pamela - The Contortionist

twisted all my limbs for you / two of them in knots and two of them in loops

poor dear Pamela

she was the only normal person in the entire film with no grudge on anyone or ill intent. literally just need a place to stay to get back on her feet and that is what the Cattons offered but because she wasn't interesting enough to entertain them they tossed her away.

asking her to fetch a made as soon as Oliver enters as an excuse to get her to leave so the conversation could shift onto her

you can tell 'em what you wanted to

Pamela didn't live a life of lavish obviously by her proper nature ( the same persona Oliver pretended to play except you know a genuine one ) so of course the others treated her as entertainment.

Farleigh and Elspeth saying her looks were her only point just a dull flower in bloom

also Elspeth's comment about how she dropping so many hints before it goes so far really bugged me

like the only time they pressed for her to leave was at the dinner when she brought up having found a place and even then it was a half assed 'oh we'll miss you so much'

twisting all my bones like screws / stretching my self-worth, just like you usually do

i think Pamela thought of Elspeth as a friend helping out

then she's suddenly thrusted out of the house without notice, bags already packed and cab fare paid as if her new arrangements had been already settled.

i cannot begin to understand how hurt she might have been in that moment and what could have been the core drive for her suicide but her death really hurt me the most.

DUO EXSPRESSIONS

Oliver & Ventia / Elspeth - Faerie Soiree

mushrooms everywhere i'm turning / laced with love, intensive grooving / they said, they sail / i know how to make you go crazy every day

the spell he casted on both Elspeth and Venetia

had both woman hooked on him trying to draw that hidden side he only expressed to them in secret.

the Oliver that got Venetia to eat again. the Oliver that had Elsepth stunned at his forwardness and thinking of him even after the incident. the Oliver that would have had Farleigh under his thumb if he hadn't went for the kill so soon.

led me astray to the faerie soirée / alone, alone / now i wanna ride with the magic / lose sight of the gravity of home

he was a welcomed distraction to both of them. a change that they hadn't thought would be influential as he was.

given them both an individual false hope - for Venetia it was a man who showed initiative if only for a moment that could toy with her instead of the other way around; for Elspeth it was familiarity he would give her some sort of normal in the now hollow halls of Saltburn.

it is such a shame both couldn't see past the fantasy until it was too late.

Oliver & Ventia - Moon Cycle

...do I really need to explain?

But in all seriousness,

he bit the cherry down, he's delirious / seeing red figures in his mirrors and / acting like a real tough, furious

giving her a outlet for her parental issues

the first man in a while that showed her dominance in a way that had her changing her whole routine

he says he doesn't care, that he's into this / it happens every time the new season hits

Venetia thought Oliver would be different than Felix's other toys that come to Saltburn, but was disappointed once again.

now he kissing on the ground that i walk on / tryna get another taste, but I'm all cramped up

her dumping him right after Felix found out ( thinking Felix had a private conversation with her ) he was eager to fic things but she wasn't going to play a game with another coward of a man.

juice melting like raspberry pomegranate / it's so scary

" no, i wanted to look at the moon. it's nearly full. do you know what that means? " | " we're all about to lose our minds. "

oh the foreshadowing. Venetia you are too powerful

seeing that version of Oliver ( the one who had her delirious ) the day of the incident. piecing together everything in the end ( you disgusting little nobody. oh my god. you ate him right up. and licked the fucking plate. ) leaving her shocked and broken over what she's done. how close she got close to the cause of it all. frightened by everything

Sir James & Elspeth - Battle of the Larynx

i speak in cursive, i'm poignant, assertive / there's musical chairs in my teeth

Sir ' what i say must be the truth always ' James

thinking about how nothing happens unless he approves. how every order and command that was ever given had went through him first if it wasn't his command to begin with

deciding that Pamela needed to leave, lowering the amount Farleigh's mom gets, cutting Farleigh off after finding out about the drugs, bribing Oliver because he needed normalcy again

and it was all enforced with such urgency too, no question to any of it like he was a general to his soldiers

don't you battle with my larynx tonight / i'll wreck you if you chase me / but i'll be silent 'til you cross the line

Sir James had minimal lines within the movie but whenever he did it held authority.

when something wasn't going the right way he'll interject ( insisting to Pamela at the dinner table that her time was due ) other than that he was silent until called upon

and they talk without thinking / they bark while they're shaking / with teeth that are round and dull

he was the controlling factor within the family and to Elspeth

he knew what was best for her all the time, he knew what she needed all the time, he knew just what to say to get her to listen all the time

i will die on this hill. Elspeth would have let Pamela stay longer if he hadn't said anything to her and she probably would have overlooked Farleigh doing drugs the day of the party if Sir James didn't fight it.

but anyway, James wasn't someone that Oliver could have manipulated, not like the rest of the family so he had to buy time until his death which he got lucky for.

Saltburn would have been unattainable if Sir James hadn't passed really.

Farleigh & Oliver - EVIL

and it felt like bliss, used to miss your kiss / now i'm hop-skip jumpin' over narcissists / ... / now the role is reversed and told you i'ma switch / how you like my spit?

they should have fucked on screen at least four more times your honor

their back and forth. cat and mouse. push and pull. the tension of fighting for the center spot of attention for the family and fucking for dominance would have done it for me

but Oliver had to fuck that up with the email. he could have really controlled Farleigh, lulled him into thinking they should work together for what they want and then hung him out to dry but no Oliver was greedy

the panic in Oliver's eyes though when Farleigh admits to being invited to the party after he thought he got rid of him was priceless

just one foiled seduction after another with him

everything i expressed, i professed / it never quite made it through / ... / no, i won't defend you to all my friends / this time, i refuse

the quips at Oliver's pride. the mentions of getting bored and tossed aside. stating his claim on Saltburn and rubbing it in his face on his birthday. Farleigh played the game well even if he lost it in the end.

if you bite my hand again / i will never feed you, you can call me evil / take it to the grave if you wanna play pretend / i won't be mistreated, please call me conceited

Oliver finding out about Farleigh's private life and family issues and Farleigh's retaliation at karaoke with "rent".

Oliver pointing out their in the same boat offering the mic and how easily Farleigh accepts the mic just like how easily he accepts his role.

shows their difference in it really; Farleigh takes it as it is, he knows what his life has become and what could happen if it ends. and yet Oliver still saw himself as something more to the Cattons and especially Felix.

Farleigh & Ventia - Powder

don't wanna know where you go when you aren't around / i'd rather stay naive, too much to believe

it's past point of no return, when will we learn? / alert me when this shit is over

the acceptance they both have to face in the end. Farleigh in knowing he's been bested and that all his wealth is gone. Venetia seeing how Oliver got to consume her own brother's identity whole and take what was most precious to her.

show me a picture you paint of someone else / lived a double life, wish i was surprised

eyes rollin' back to your head, and i'm wonderin' how / i recognize your face, put it all to waste

will never be the same again knowing that these two died seeing the truth. all the fight was stripped from them piece and left vulnerable to the emotional pain Oliver put them through.

THE CAUSE AND EFFECT

Felix to Everyone - Nymphology

call me your nymph / praise me for martyr, praise me for sin / call me your muse / a sprite or an elf you cry to, then use

Felix was everything to everyone. he could do no wrong as he was the pinnacle; forced on a pedestal he never fought for or against.

everyone wanted Felix. be it to brag about the sex, to have the money or to just let it be known that they were in his circle.

and he lived it up.

he knew the power he had on people and used it how he pleased. ditching his hookups when he got bored, cutting ties with friends that weren't of interest to his close circle anymore.

he knew of the people's infatuation, but no one ever dared to over step a boundary in fear of angering their chosen so he lived like he was untouchable. believed he was on another level to all and got so full of himself he couldn't see the signs of wandering hands getting closer and closer to the unattainable.

i'm not crazy, i'm not wild, you're just stupid, little child / get your image off my back, i'll give you a heart attack

Oliver wanted Felix in both body and mind. the devotion he forced onto Felix, begging and pleading to be his henchman again after being found out.

Felix wanted none of it, the first time ever seeing someone want him on a level of desperate he's never seen and feeling revolted

but Oliver tells it to him the way no one else could, because that is his life. people treat him like a king on his throne and approach in a line offering whatever they can to get his approval. locked in the maze with no guards he was left to see it all as it is.

Oliver to Felix - Pluto / Light Shower but will not elaborate

I think that it's finally time pluto, destroy me / kill me off slowly / i'll bathe in my ashes / rise like a phoenix / show me who I am becoming

Felix bringing Oliver to the point of no return.

cutting him off with dignity for the sake of the family not knowing he made a mistake in judgement.

Oliver not being able to handle being seen, cannot cope with knowing that his infatuation sees his true colors

pluto, transform me / turn off my lonely / i'll sit with my silence / fix all my conflict / show me the demons I'm hiding

yet at the same time, he's free.

he has had his fill of Felix - his fill of the Cattons - whether he wanted to believe it or not.

he had gotten closer than his plan had assigned, so close he's hurt by his own action. crying and fucking his grave as one last show of his 'love' left soaking in the muck.

moving on with no regrets to the next phase of the plan.

Oliver to the Cattons - Milk of the Siren

strangle the fear of deciding / which one's deserving to drown

the montage at the end

Oliver's plan unfolding the moment he laid eyes on Felix. how he watched and waited, studied what would have made him noticeable. Found out his class schedule and he sabotaged his bike, weaved a lie so great that when it was found out he had to die.

tired of silence and being polite / your legs turn to shimmering scales in the night

Oliver hunting the Cattons in the evening. whispers to Elsepth, the peeping tom moments with Felix, following Venetia, fucking Farleigh.

all of it under the moons watchful eye.

don't feel bad when these fuckers all drown / let them drown / let them drown / let them drown

" and you made it so easy. spoiled dogs sleeping belly-up." | " no natural predators. " | " well... almost none. "

nothing wrong with a little havoc (drink from the leche of sirens) / it's fun when shit hits the fan

all the side notes in the script. ( he looks up to see Duncan’s silhouette staring down at him from the hill above. he can deal with that later. )

he had fun toying with them all and becoming the new king. putting all their wealth to a better use than he thought they could.

#please don’t perceive me #everyone in the saltburn tag brought this on and im sorry ( no im not )#just had to rant about it lmao #saltburn spoilers #saltburn #felix catton #oliver quick #farleigh start #venetia catton #elspeth catton #sir james catton #poor dear pamela #— to yearn : saltburn

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capsicle13 · 2 months ago

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Decided to post this snippet from chapter two of my new pregnant Tony fic. 😊

——

The city is already alive and bustling with its inhabitants. The streets are full of people and tourists who are trying to get to their destinations. Traffic is a nightmare; the roads are congested with cars, a few of them honking obnoxiously.

Tony tunes most of it out. He’s used to his morning commute being this hectic. Pretty soon he won’t have to worry about dealing with this. The penthouse at Stark Tower is nearly complete, and Tony’s been assured he and his husband would be able to move in at the end of the week. It’s both relieving and a little exciting about getting to leave his family home.

For as long as Tony can remember he’s lived in the Stark mansion. It wasn’t until his father sent him off to boarding school did he get a little break, only to return years later during his time at MIT. Escaping his father’s abuse was the main reason he had always wanted to leave, but now that his parents are both deceased, there’s no reason why he should feel so uncomfortable about living there.

He tried to live in the home after he inherited it, but the memories were too much and he often found himself staying in hotels or purchasing property to reside in. It wasn’t until he met Steve and they settled down did he return to his family home. Steve absolutely loved it and made plans to renovate one of the spare rooms into an art studio, and then maybe one day, a nursery for any future children.

If only he knew about the child that had been born there.

Tony stops his mind from replaying that night and he rubs at his temples when his head begins to throb. He wishes he had consumed more coffee before leaving the house, but ever since he discovered that he was pregnant, Steve made him cut back on the caffeine.

Tony blows out a breath and rests his head back, one hand gently rubbing the small bump under his suit jacket. From the rear view mirror Happy glances at him.

“You okay, boss?” he asks.

“Yeah,” Tony replies and he composes himself. “Just a headache.”

“I might have some ibuprofen.”

“Can’t take it.”

“Oh right. Maybe Pepper has something.”

“Maybe.” Tony turns away to glance out the window, watching as the traffic slows down for the light they’re about to reach. “Wake me when we get there. I’m gonna take a snooze.”

“It’s going to be a short one,” Happy says. “We’re fifteen minutes away.”

“I don’t care. I’m making another human being and I’m exhausted. Jesus. I don’t remember it being this bad before.”

“What?”

Tony realizes his slip up and he waves Happy off. “Forget it. Pregnancy brain. Wake me in fifteen.”

Tony gets comfortable and closes his eyes, only to be plagued with images of the little boy who looks just like him.

#stony #steve rogers #tony stark #stevetony #pregnant tony stark #ao3 fanfic #posted on ao3 #writing snippet #snippet #peter parker is tony’s son #mpreg #stony fic #ao3

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dudewhy3 · 1 year ago

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❤️ 💥 ⏰ 🔮 🚀 🦈 🍬 🎬 🎨 💘 🚦 🤩 💛

:3!!!

hi you, moon, thank you for your ask!!

❤️ What is your favorite line that you’ve written in a fic?

Armin watches her cross the bridge separating his side of the village from hers and slowly make her way up the hill, to a house he could never dream of stepping foot into again, where everything he could never be able to offer awaits her arrival. (from Nothing Sweeter Than You)

💥 What is one canon thing that you wish you could change?

i wouldn’t necessarily change anything major, but i wish we knew more about Bert's past, and the gap between the Rumbling and them becoming Ambassadors of Peace

⏰️ Do you like to post fics on a schedule or at random?

i'd love to have a posting schedule, especially for wpts, and i'm trying to make that happen. but with how hectic life is right now, i haven't been able to keep that up.

🔮 Any advice for writers working through burnout or writer’s block?

i'd like to recieve some lmao

try stepping away from projects that give you headaches for a while. write something new, that you’re excited about, or find a prompt list, pick one at random and write on it for 15 minutes or so– i've found that quite helpful lately! but also don’t be afraid to completely step away from writing. sometimes life is just too much, there are many things that lead to burn out, it’s okay, it happens. step away, take a breath, take care of yourself and your well being– your stories amd your readers will still be there when you come back ♡

🚀 Do you like to outline your fic first or create as you go?

outline! i almost always outline my fics, it helps put stuff in perspective and makes it easier to write, having a direction and stuff.

🦈 Which character is the toughest to write?

all of them, in a way. it depends on my head soace at that moment

🍬 Do you write for multiple fandoms? If yes, what is your favorite fic of yours for each fandom?

i do actually, i just never posted anything for any other fandom than aot lmao. but my favourite fanfic for that is probably Who painted the sky?

🎬 If a movie or show were based on your fic, which fic would you choose and who would you fancast?

Who painted the sky?, and i want Maya Hawk as Hannah and Jenny Walser as Marie, i have no idea for the volunteers really. feel free too add your own fancast for them, i'd love hearing y'all's ideas!!

also for See You Again, i want the entire cast of Gray's Anatomy to have a role!

🎨 If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?

see, i'd be happy with any scene from any fic. literally a n y scene

💘 Is it easier to write angst or fluff?

depends on how i feel really

🚦What sort of endings do you prefer to write: ambiguous, bad, happily ever after, etc.?

ambiguous! i love leaving room for immagibation, or sometimes a sequel 👀

🤩 What led to your interest in the fandom?

great question! my oldest friend told me about aot in 2017 so i watched it, and i was so mad over petra's death i stopped lmao. then 2019 came aroumd and i was just bored so i picked it up again, started reading the manga in 2020 and started writing for the fandom in the summer of the same year. it was the same friemd that pointed out Annie and Armin looked cute together, and that, topped by mimi's fanfics, lured me into this side of the fandom and made me want to actively be part of it.

💛 What is the most impactful lesson you’ve learned about writing?

it fluctuates. it comes and goes in waves. it's an extremely flexible thing. it's entirely impacted by your personal life, it reflects in your art in ways you might not notice.

#ask game #thank you for the ask ♡

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whalechief · 1 year ago

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I wanna try the Mid-Year Book Freak Out Tag for 2023 :3c

Will post below cut with what I've read thus far this year~ (minor spoilers ahead for *checks notes* Atlas Paradox and How to Sell a Haunted House (but not rly that last one)

Best Book You've Read So Far: OK, I went back and forth because there were some good reads (🥁) this year. I will say both Ninth House and Hell Bent by Leigh Bardugo (both from the Alex Stern series) | I think this is the best introduction into dark academia, truly. It's rarely in a lull, but never too much going on at once. All characters seem to be important in their own way, if not now then later, and I just...I love the characters aaaah!!

Best Sequel You've Read So Far: The Atlas Paradox by Olivie Blake | Obviously spoilery, but as a Callum fan, I wanna say that the fallout of what happened in book one was very interesting to see in a character with his personality. The first instance we see of him is who he 'takes on' in the mind test, expecting one of the others but finds himself. I just...man, I focused so heavily on Callum and Tristan that I forgot a large chunk of the rest, but I know it was all good...I just hyper-focused for a moment, OK?

New Releases You Haven't Read Yet, But Want To: Yuwu by Meat Bun | I have the copy, I had it pre-ordered, but...well, another book you will see down in the post put me into a slump, and now I am slowly working my way back to physical copies (I've been audiobooking the last month or so), but I've seen fan art and I'm feral already for that good shit

Most Anticipated Release for the Second Half of the Year: I'm blanking completely, a lot of things are coming out around right now that I want to read and it's been hectic, BUT for sure Yellow face by RF Kuang

Biggest Disappointment: How to Sell a Haunted House by Grady Hendrix | You ever read something so shit that you go from rinsing through books, reading non stop, to....like a full on reader's slump for weeks? Yeah, it took me 3 weeks to pick up another book entirely, I hated hated that book...ugh. I finished it, but at what cost? My time, given to a cast of characters that are all entirely shit. That is why I'm only at 27 books into 2023...

Biggest Surprise: Paris The Memoire by Paris Hilton | OK, I knew a bit about Paris Hilton's dj and had sort of heard something about her time in the reform places, but...wow. She really is out here exposing your ass, Provo Canyon School, get fucked. I think if you're wanting to know what kinds of places Dr Phil sent kids is like from the inside perspective, Paris went through it again and again and also fuck men and the male gaze. Anyway, love Paris, want the best for her, xoxo

Favorite New Author: Ali Hazelwood, probably. I have only read Love Hypothesis so far, but I am eager to jump into her other works. I am also interested in reading more of Holly Black's work, as I've only read The Cruel Prince and am curious if she holds up!

New Favorite Character: Hm...Darlington from Leigh Bardugo's Alex Stern Series | At first, he seemed pretty cut and dry, cookie cutter Yale boy. Yeah, well we were WRONG OK? He's beautiful, amazing, deep, deserves to be pegged, OK I said it.

Book that Made you Cry: I am not a crier, so I did not cry. However, I will say that I was left emotionally cold after finishing No Longer Human by Osamu Dazai | The character is technically fictional, but to find out at the end that this is...just technically a fictional character, and we don't know what happened where we left off but have a good idea is....Yeah, had to pause it during seasonal depression because it was too heavy for my mental state at the time.

Favourite Page-to-Screen Adaptation: I've seen the trailers, so it counts. Jujutsu Kaisen season 2 | I read this after the anime first aired, and I will never not be excited to see Toji on screen. I will not spoil anything, I will just sit back and be Big Excite.

Book You Want to Read Before the End of the Year: Once Upon a Broken Heart by Stephanie Garber and The Sun and the Star by Rick Riordan...and also A Darker Shade of Magic by VE Schwab I know, it's been out for forever and I own a copy, I just keep starting it and...idk what happens, but I forget to read it...

Anyway, this was fun ✌️ will be posting every reading update on Goodreads, as per usual. Add me on there, my name's also WhaleChief on there.

Full list of books read in 2023 (bottom is first, top left is most recent):

#mid year book tag #mid year book freak out tag #book tag #mid year freak out tag 2023 edition #wtf is the tag idfk im head empty rn

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buriedsecretspodcast · 2 years ago

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DIY REM pod initial build (Learning Things: March 27, 2023)

On Friday, I wrote about how I wasn't quite ready to attempt the DIY rem pod build, but then I ended up doing it anyway. More on that below!

Like I mentioned last week, I want to use Mondays to talk about things I've been learning, researching, and making. I might also include links to articles and other things that I've been consuming over the last week, though sometimes, like today, I'm mostly going to leave that out. The post was getting a little bit long with everything included. (I have an inkling that I might start doing a weekly roundup type post. We'll see.)

As a reminder, the biggest buckets of skills I'm learning, research I'm doing, and personal projects I'm working on are (in no particular order):

paranormal research for my podcast

building up skills (soldering, building electrical circuits, basic coding) to make DIY projects, including some ghosthunting gadgets I want to make

incorporating my art into paranormal investigation

getting a novel into publication- or submission-ready shape.

I don't expect to necessarily make progress on all of these things every week, but I do like the idea of having a check-in. Process is important. In creative work, people see is the final product, and not all the many stumbles and invisible work that it takes to get there. I always love seeing things about people's projects and progress!

So here's what I've got into this week:

Paranormal research

After taking a bit over a month off, I'll be dropping a new episode of the podcast this week. I hate to have taken so much time off, but things have just been incredibly hectic lately. (Though some of that was due to a cool, currently secret upcoming project!)

Anyway, for the next episode, I got to do some fun research about airships, which you'll see crop up in both the episode this week and a blog post.

DIY REM pod project

Last week, after writing so extensively about how I wasn't quite ready to undertake the DIY REM pod build, I ended up being too excited about it and going for it anyway. I'm happy to report that it was easier than I thought it was going to be. There didn't seem to be any faulty components in the kit that I got. It worked despite my shoddy soldering skills.

I'll do a better writeup of this project once I've actually finished it off with a new antenna and housing. But here's a quick rundown of how it went.

It took me about an hour and a half to do the assembly and soldering. I still want to upgrade the antenna and put the device into some sort of housing. But for this initial attempt, I just did the build exactly according to the instructions, so right now, I've got a little circuit board with a wobbly antenna and a row of LEDs (as shown in today's drawing).

I found the directions simple to follow. It was a single page of drawings showing where in the circuit board each component went. It also included some helpful reminders about which components are polarized. Honestly, minimal instructions are ideal for me—my eyes glaze over anything too complex—so I was pretty pleased.

The tricky part for me was just the soldering, because I'm not great at it. I especially struggled with soldering the chip sockets, because the prongs were close together and I kept accidentally bridging the solder. (Also, my left hand is very shaky, which kept throwing me off. I have a ways to go to improve my soldering technique.)

I had to reheat and fix the bridging a few times, which ended up adding some time to the build. But still, for my second attempt at soldering, I'm happy with the amount of time it took me.

Some of the reviewers said that the circuit board was really sensitive to heat and that it was easy to burn the circuit board. That might be the case, but I guess I managed to avoid it. I cranked up my soldering iron to about 560 degrees Fahrenheit and it seemed to be fine. I'm not sure what the ideal temperature would be for this project, or what temperature might be too much for the board. (On the package, my solder says it melts at 430 F, but at that temperature, it just wasn't melting right—probably because it's unleaded. I don't feel comfortable using leaded solder, but I do know that means that it's a little more frustrating to work with.)

In terms of operation, so far I'm noticing that the REM pod is a little finicky. Aside from the antenna issue that I mentioned, in general, a lot of the time when I initially plug it in, it goes haywire. Then it either settles down and acts normally, or it keeps going off. In the latter case, I just unplug the battery, plug it back in again, and then it seems like it works fine.

It was also immediately obvious that the antenna needs to be replaced. The existing antenna is extremely wobbly and flimsy, and it seemed to be setting itself off at first. But once I straightened it out, it worked okay. (But not great.)

I posted a video of me testing it out on instagram, if you want to see it in action.

All in all, I'm very happy with this as an initial foray!

Art and paranormal investigation

I haven't done a ton of automatic drawing, but in my most successful foray to date, I put an electronic track on repeat, blindfolded myself, and then drew. The results were pretty interesting, so that's something I want to continue to play around with.

Last Friday, I stumbled across an album that might serve as an interesting soundtrack to automatic drawing: Satie - Fragments, a compilation of electronic remixes of Eric Satie's work.

Satie was a composer and pianist who lived in the late 19th and early 20th century. I hadn't been familiar with his work, but when I listened to the album, I recognized some of his stuff immediately. (I'm not knowledgeable when it comes to classical music, but one of my favorite YouTubers used Satie's Gnossienne No. 1 as background music to a video a few years ago. And I am a very attentive viewer of YouTube.)

Interestingly, Satie seems to have had some occult connections. For a time, he even did some composing for a the Rosicrucian group he belonged to. I haven't done a ton of research about him, but I really want to dive deeper into his work and his life. Seems like he was a weird dude.

At any rate, I found these electronic remixes of his work completely enchanting and haunting. They seem perfect for setting a trancelike mood for an automatic drawing session. So that's something I'm putting a pin in for later.

Novel writing

Back in December, I wrote the first draft of a queer solarpunk fantasy romance novel very loosely inspired on the story of beauty and the beast. I started editing it in January, but then I had to pause when things got hectic. I finally had a chance to get back into the editing process this week.

I'd done an initial edit of the first 80% or so of the book, and this week I edited maybe another 5-10% of it. The finale needs an enormous amount of work and basically just has to be rewritten, so it's been slow going. This is very obviously going to be the second of many drafts (as it should be).

I'm a speedy writer (it took me about 34 hours to write the ~50,000-word first draft). But I'm a slower editor, in particular because I write fairly rough rough drafts. Also, in the case of this book, I made some pretty major changes to the main antagonist very late in the process of drafting it, and I still haven't quite worked out all of that character's new motivations and backstory, so I definitely have my work cut out for me there.

This week it was really nice to get back into the flow of editing it. As often happens when I walk away from a project and then return to it, I like it more now than I did when I left it. It's easy to get frustrated looking at your own work, and it's easier to see the good and bad after a little bit of time away from it.

#cryptidcore #cryptidacademia #ghost hunting #ghosts #paranormalinvestigator #paranormal podcast #writing #writeblr #writerscommunity

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shih-coulda-had-it · 5 years ago

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this is not a girlfriend (1/?)

Summary: Yagi Toshinori gets the wrong idea about his mentors. It is, as Nana earnestly frames it, of paramount importance that her young charge have a positive reference for relationships.

They should’ve known fake relationships never go according to plan.

*Shimura is Nana’s maiden name; no canonical husband, no Kotarou.

1 - 2 - ?

The thing was, Shimura Nana had never thought of dating Sorahiko.

They had met on the job maybe five years ago, and been work-partners since. Thrown into the same case, and then paired for patrols around the prefecture… the two of them had spent hours upon hours in each other’s space. Nana comfortably labeled him her best friend, surpassing even Megane Akira in best friend level (mostly due to presence, a little due to her level of synergy with Sorahiko).

He had helped her with One for All. Sacrificed a lot of down-time and goodwill with Recovery Girl to ensure that Nana had control over it. Didn’t ask for anything but a platter of taiyaki every training session.

Now, jokes and winks and nudges had certainly been made about their nonexistent relationship. Nana could retire if she had a yen every time someone assumed Sorahiko was her boyfriend, or if her parents hinted about ‘fertility’ and ‘handsome young man.’

Sorahiko never mentioned an interest, and so Nana gratefully moved through life only slightly infatuated with her partner. They’d seen each other’s ugly and ungraceful sides too many times to think idealistically, and had only ever shared a bed once. Because they were both cheap and were loathe to pay for an extra bed in the hotel.

(They built a pillow wall, and they pretended like everything was normal so well, Nana fell asleep between one word and the next. She woke up at the crack of dawn knowing that he’d broken the pillow wall; he’d entangled their limbs together; he was the one snoring weakly into her hair. Thank goodness Sorahiko wasn’t fully coherent and awake until ten in the morning.)

“Toshi-kun,” she says calmly, to hide the hysterical laughter. “Can you repeat that?”

Big blue eyes blink up. Calf-eyed. Guileless. Yagi Toshinori, even at thirteen years of age, is a charmer. “Are you getting Gran Torino-sensei anything for Valentine’s Day? I tried asking him, but he just said,” and here he puffs out his skinny chest and speaks like he’s gargling gravel, “‘We don’t need cheap gifts.’”

Nana gives up the ghost. “Bahaha! He would say that!” And completely neglect to cut the underlying problem, geez. Her young charge believes that they’re a couple. Should she correct him? “What does your mom usually do?”

He shrugs. “I dunno. She and otou-san… I dunno.”

Oh. Nana had done her research on Yagi Toshinori, even though a Quirkless thirteen year old boy shouldn’t raise any flags whatsoever, but even a routine background check won’t look into the marital health of the kid’s parents. She wonders if she and Sorahiko represent a legitimately healthy relationship.

“I could give him a box of taiyaki,” she muses, just to keep their conversation going. Toshinori’s invested in this, she can tell.

“How unromantic!” he cries out, looking for the first time like a doting son. Oof. That sends pangs rattling through her systems. She’s never wanted to raise kids; she thinks she’d be pretty bad at the whole domestic thing. Now, if Sorahiko could be the stay-at-home parent—wait, bad thought. “Oh, but most couples usually exchange chocolates, I think. That’s what I see girls do at school.”

“And do you have a girl? Or boy?”

Toshinori’s expression is pure hang-dog. “No, oshishou.” He brightens again. “What about… flowers? Can guys get flowers?”

She ruffles his sunny yellow hair. “Yeah, buddy. Guys can get flowers.”

Transcript: Shimura Nana to Torino Sorahiko. February 10th.

SN: Sorahiko!

TS: Shimura.

SN: Did you know Toshi-kun thinks we’re an item? It’s so sweet! [Choking noises, presumably from TS.] Turns out, he asked you about us a week or two ago, and you just went all, ‘hrghh we don’t need cheap gifts hrrgh.’

TS: I—I don’t sound like that.

SN: Ch! Sure.

TS: Did you correct him? Do you need me to correct him? The little brat—

SN: Aw, it’s fine!

TS: It’s fine?

SN: What’s a little bit of bromance? All matters aside, I think we’re role models for the poor boy. Role models in having a healthy relationship, I mean. [More choking noises.] I think it’d go a long way to prevent some resentment towards parental figures if we, y’know—hey, are you okay?

TS: Son of a—no, I’m not okay. Are you telling me we should start a fake relationship for some brat’s feelings?

SN: Yeah! How hard can it be? We only meet each other at the park to train and spar! And for meals out… but that’s because you two are awful at nutrition.

TS: Vitamins don’t exist.

SN: Keep telling yourself that. Anyway, it’s not like he’s ever going to find out we don’t live together!

TS: Ghhk. Okay. Fine. You win. We’ll have a fake relationship for the kid, and once you deem the kid emotionally stable enough to see how people break up and maintain friendship, we go back to a world where we aren’t a couple.

SN: … Stop me if this is, um, invading your privacy, but…

TS: What, Shimura.

SN: You’ve had relationships before, right? Oh, shit, I didn’t even think about the possibility that you don’t like women. [Significant pause of five seconds.] Listen, listen, it’s fine! I’m, uh, into both, if we’re laying out sexualities, and I’ve been with both—

TS: Okay! I get it! Geez, Shimura. [Clearing throat.] No. I’ve never really—tried a relationship with anybody.

SN: General disinterest or…?

TS: Sure.

SN: Great answer! Very helpful! I won’t knock bed-sharing off the table, but I’ll make note of bed-warming, if you know what I mean.

TS: Has anyone ever told you off for innuendos?

SN: There’s a, snrrk, first time for everything.

She has an understated bouquet of yellow and red roses in one hand. In the other, she is holding a small, ribbon-adorned box containing two of her very-own taiyaki (which Sorahiko had been chasing for years, ever since she baked them after a case gone wrong). Currently, Nana was fielding questions from Toshinori, whose interest had reignited with a passion.

“So do you wear your ring on a necklace?” he asks, still in the early phase of his warm-ups. Otherwise, he’d be more focused on breathing and persevering.

Her heart skips a beat. Ring. Necklace. Wedding ring. “I keep it at home,” she answers. Smooth, Shimura. Your charge thinks you’re married. She’ll have to warn Sorahiko about the new development. “You never want to risk scuffing gold, eh?”

“Oshishou always thinks ahead!”

“If your oshishou always thinks ahead, she better have my goddamned breakfast,” Sorahiko calls out. Stomping across the field, duffel bag full of gear in hand, her very best friend in the world. Her fake husband. Who upon seeing Nana, comes to a sudden, bewildered stop. “Um.”

Out of the corner of her eye, Nana sees Toshinori pause his sets of push-ups. She bounds up from her seat with a grin, and flings herself towards Sorahiko. He catches her—she links her ankles at the small of his back—Nana kisses him for the briefest of moments. A childish ‘mwah!’ that gets her nothing but a low, strangled noise.

“Happy Valentine’s Day!” she cheers.

“What the fuck,” he says against her cheek, dazed enough for his voice to be soft. Good. She hopes Toshinori didn’t hear that.

“Play along.” Sorahiko, despite his shock, sets her down gently. He stares at the box and the bouquet, and almost flinches back when she shoves them toward him. “Happy Valentine’s Day,” she repeats, a little slower, hintingly.

“Ah. Right.” He cradles the bouquet in one arm, and pops open the box. He’s silent. Long enough for Nana to worry about overstepping boundaries, and perhaps she shouldn’t have pushed Sorahiko to enter his first relationship knowing it had an expiration date—he abruptly ducks down and kisses her. Misses the mouth almost entirely. “Thanks.”

#bnha #nanahiko #shimura nana #gran torino #torino sorahiko #yagi toshinori #shih.txt #thanksgiving gift; christmas is gonna be a lemon ;)#wanted to post art but it's hectic in the house right now #this is not a girlfriend!au #*EDIT: MOBILE TUMBLR IS BULLSH!T

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crestofshame · 2 years ago

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November fic updates

Hello everyone! Time for some general updates to keep you all posted:

I know I said that there’d be another update before the end of October, but life has gotten a little hectic lately. I don’t like to get too personal online, but I got some pretty unfortunate news toward the end of October that kind of sucked a lot of inspiration out of me. A lot of my afternoons have been spent prioritizing responsibilities followed by some chill alone time.

That aside, there should still be at least 2 updates in November. I shouldn’t have a problem sticking to my schedule range, but it will probably be on the smaller side through the holiday season, closer to the bi-weekly mark than once a week.

You can expect at least the chapter 7 update to Than Your Fragile Heart, and whether or not I release a oneshot or chapter 8 depends on where the inspiration hits and what I have the energy for. I know I said that would update last week, but I have rewritten the chapter a couple times since then. I’ve been going back and forth on the order of events and what would make the most sense, so I started to do some rearranging of my plot map, which explains the holdup.

Chapter 7 might be shorter as sort of an “interlude” chapter to bridge the journey to Enbarr together with the new politics introduced post-war; we’re in Byleth’s POV right now, and I think it’s important to introduce some of the narrative political issues through Edelgard’s domain-specific lens instead.

I’ve also started to consider branching out some of the content that I produce to other fandoms. Not sure how I’ll approach it yet, but if you really prefer one of these fandoms over the other then let me know in an ask, reply, or an RB:

• Avatar: TLA would be Gen for obvious reasons if I even got to writing any of it. For TLOK and the Kyoshi novels: It should come to no one’s surprise that I ship Korrasami and Rangshi. Maybe even Rangshi a bit more. I want to read the Yangchen Novel, too, so I might explore that if I get the chance! • Arcane: Caitvi is awesome but there’s so many people that do it justice, so I’d probably focus more on character studies. • Assassin’s Creed: This one is a little more niche; not because it’s unpopular but because the main demographic tend not to be the type to consume fics and art. My favorite games are Odyssey and Black Flag. I’d love to do a Gen fic between Alkibiates and Kassandra being fwbs, or a Mary Read character study. • Legend of Zelda: I consume so much Legend of Zelda media but I have no clue how to produce it. Whether or not I ship Zelink depends solely on the game. BOTW and Skyward Sword are my only definite ones. Twilight princess Midzel ftw though. My friend talked me into it. • Pokémon: I like Pokémon but the only time I’d do anything with it is as a crossover unless someone else has any other ideas. • Mike Flannaverse: I have not watched the newest one but I loved Hill House, Bly, and Midnight Mass. HH and MM don’t really have anything other than art that I could work with, and MM feels too masterful to even touch. Bly though… I love Damie but I’d have to be hella sad to write them. We’ll see

Let me know if you prefer one of these over another! I’d also love to make some mutuals with other interests; but just know I’ll still be fire emblem focused.

Thanks for your patience everyone :) I’m very grateful for all the support so far, and I think things will start to pick up soon.

#Fire emblem #edeleth #ao3

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phoenotopia · 4 years ago

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The Last Phoenotopia Blog Update

(Date 2021 MAR 01)

I debated how to open this blog post, but perhaps the main crux of this blog post is the best place to start. The blog is being retired.

The purpose of this blog was to be a "development" blog for Phoenotopia, and well, Phoenotopia's development is done. I'll still be doing bug fixes and maintenance on the PC and Switch versions, and playstation and xbox ports are underway (by a publisher). But I'm not going to be making any more major changes to the game. At some point, you put the paintbrush down and say it's done. Blemishes and all.

Recent Events

The game launched on Steam last month, and like any launch, it was hectic. Bugs Galore. This is our first commercial PC launch, so it was a real baptism by fire. Unlike Switch's one configuration, the PC has multiple configurations and factors to account for. The game needed to be able to handle multiple control schemes, screen resolutions, refresh rates, and more! I had a 60Hz monitor going into launch and didn't know anything about Hz (I do now). There was a troublesome stutter that some players were sensitive to that my whole team didn't notice since our eyes compensated it away. There were a few times where in fixing something at one party's behest, it introduced problems for another party. A few times, due to disorganization, I unwittingly rolled back a fix that was meant to be applied. For some, the game couldn't play at all (really glad Steam allows refunds).

It was messy. It was tiring. I.AM.BEAT.

I think the worst of it is over... I'll still be around to do the last updates and bug fixes, but I'm ultimately ready for what's next.

SO what is next?

What isn't next... is Phoenotopia 2. As you may have heard down the grapevine, the game couldn't be what you call successful. No one's earned even minimum wage on it.

Maybe there's hope in the game's long tail. A year or two down the line... maybe. I won't hold my breath though. At some point in the past few months, I finished processing (or grieving) and it's time to move on.

The game has at least earned enough for us to continue our modest operations. As long as we don't expand the team, and we don't take another monster six-year dev cycle like what Phoenotopia took, we can continue. We'll have to be smarter and faster. Perhaps the most valuable thing we gained from all this is experience.

The Experience

It is a dev blog. Here are some of the lessons I've accumulated from this game's development.

- Have a good menu design. Menus aren't just that in-between fluff before you get to the good stuff. Menus are KEY. Your menus need to be robust, expandable, and *understandable* (to you, the developer). Because once the game's out, you will invariably be asked to add more options. And if your menu design is bad, every time you have to add a new menu option, it becomes a whole new pain all over again. Support mouse from the get-go, etc.

- Focus on features that people will actually care about. For instance, I've never seen anyone praise the camera's zoom feature. In practice, people try that feature a few times and then never use it again. But that feature was a constant consideration factor for every level. Run through it multiple times to make sure the level didn't break, think about which zoom levels made sense, resize rooms because they worked at one zoom level but not the other, and so on.

- Don't do boxes that you can move around. Other 2D platformers avoid movable boxes because they're a huge headache to program and they really complicate the game space. Enemies need to respond to boxes you throw in their path and either navigate around or attack it. When you're moving the box, you have to worry about constantly changing your collision size and reconciling when the box gets snagged on the environment. The boxes were also a constant source of bugs because people can manipulate them to soft-lock themselves and more.

- More focused script. Phoenotopia's 100,000+ word script was panned more for being bloated than it was praised for being lengthy. Long scripts take a long time to write and make the game more unwieldy, increasing the costs of translation and upkeep. Every update we're addressing some textual error or mistranslation. There are some highly renowned games (e.g. Hyper Light Drifter) that do without a script at all!

- Be flashy! A bat and a lightsaber take the same amount of work to program, but the lightsaber will draw a lot more attention and interest.

- Slopes, surprisingly! Six years ago when I started, Unity was ill-equipped for 2D games. If you used the physics that Unity provided you'd have a really floaty character that wouldn't adhere to the slope when going downhill. There were a hundred different tutorials saying different things (use forces, use move position, use translation, etc). You can get rectangular collisions done in a day, but to do slopes took weeks. Meanwhile, games can actually get by fine without slopes. Most people won't even notice. Did you know the Phoenotopia flash game didn't have slopes? Neither does Hollow Knight or Rogue Legacy. You can save yourself a lot of work by avoiding slopes.

(big entities look weird on slopes. Bad slope!)

I could write enough little knowledge nuggets like this to fill a book! But I'd rather just make the next game.

So… what IS next?

As mentioned previously, it's not Phoenotopia 2. Pirate and I are mostly just tossing some ideas back and forth right now. We'll go silent for a year (or two). Our next game's scope will be more modest in some ways, more ambitious in others. It will definitely be more smartly designed. (There will be a map!)

We'll announce it when it's ready for the public. It might be necessary for us to do a kickstarter. I've tried to avoid kickstarters having been burnt on quite a few myself and also because I worry that mismanaging a kickstarter would earn the ire of backers.

But I did keep this blog regularly updated for six years. So I've gained some confidence in my abilities to at least manage a kickstarter well.

Is it really the last Phoenotopia Blog update though?

Okay, not really. There is some news that I'll need to announce, and this blog is one of the game's main outreach channels. Here are the events that will cause me to update the blog:

Announcing the launch of the xbox/playstation ports when they're ready

If a physical edition of the game happens

If a new language is getting introduced into the game (Korean is a high possibility)

When we're ready to talk about our next game

If (BIG IF) we begin development on a Phoenotopia sequel. I do want to do a sequel one day if we have the means and the demand is there.

Those updates will be more on a "when they happen" basis, rather than me reporting in every couple months.

Fan Art

As always, I'm very happy to see fanart of Phoenotopia. Major thanks again to Pimez for collecting all the artwork from the corners of the internet! Since this is the "last" blogpost, Sir Pimez can finally take a rest from collecting the fanart :P

ÆV made a series of pictures that tell a story. A Pooki is humanely sheared of its wool to create a hat. The Pooki is unharmed. Nice! Gotta love Gail’s expressions.

Amagoo Mazeru makes a stunning landscape shot of a full moon and shooting stars. It’s a sharp and clear vector art. I like the faint glow of the moon and the fire and the subtle gradient in the night sky. Very skillfully done!

Hah hah. I got a chuckle out of this one. I imagine this is how Gail's enemies see her by the end of the game. CaESar made this image based on TerminalMontage's famous youtube videos. Nailed it!

CrownStar drew two pictures of Gail. I'm a big player of JRPGs, so the first shot instantly reminded me of Persona 4's art style. (Hmmm... Phoeonotopia as a JRPG... there’s potential there...) Next, Birdy is shown carried off after her defeat. I really like Birdy's expression here - she just seems mildly uncomfortable.

There's a bit of a story behind the first image. As Firanka shares it, she wasn't able to defeat the Big Eye monster at the end of the flash game, so she believed a tall tale that what awaited after was a 6 armed Kobold boss. Hilarious! The second is a rendition of the lonely Anuri elder. A rare subject. The loneliness is portrayed well here. I feel lonely just looking at it!

Koo_chop draws the clash between Gail and Katash at the top of the towers. I really like this interpretation of the game's art style. It’s faithful to the in-game graphics. And the lighting, from the glow of Gail's bat, to Katash's sword, and the lightning in the background... Amazing!

Lime Hazard shows Gail with a salute pose. Very appropriate for this occasion. I also like how there's a slight tilt in the angle that Gail is portrayed. Those dynamic angles are always hard to get right, and Lime Hazard pulled it off very skillfully. See you next mission!

Lyoung0J with a digital painting of Gail posed sitting on a rock. I like how it almost seems like she was caught in a candid moment - she’s smiling, but also feeling self-conscious. Cute! The art style really pops, and I like how Gail is sporting what I call the old anime style nose.

MyUesrNameIsSh*t with a sketch of Gail performing a skillful slingshot. I like how Gail is depicted with her tongue out in a mischievous manner, the way all mischievous people with slingshots do.

Niitsu Kentaro returns with a 2021 Happy New Year picture. That happened didn't it? A New Year... Gail's pose gave me a chuckle with how she seems to be waving the bat around as casually as one would wave hello. And "Phoenotopiyear"... Well said! One day we'll have our Phoenotopiyear...

Ochan Nu breaks all records with a stunning NINE pictures in one session :O

There's so many goodies here. My favorite would be the one with Gail staring intently at the screen - it's like she's looking directly at you. You almost feel uncomfortable.

Next, there's an Animal Crossing villager dressed as Gail and sporting her pink hair. It even looks like a house Gail would live in. Gail is a connoisseur of the arts and likes Mona Lisa. Yes :)

There are various comics of Gail pointing out Gail's weird food habits. A picture of Fran looking really cool, and even Gail rocking a bathing suit. (bathing suit image linked here in case NSFW). Wow!

Pimez didn't just collect the arts, he creates them as well! This one, which he aptly named 'The Year 175' is a depiction of when the dragons invaded the towers as told by an elderly Daean woman. Great pixeling skills! I got a good chuckle from the ice dragon leaving with its stuff slung over its shoulder.

Quo made a stunning picture of Gail playing the flute surrounded by the 5 musical notes and the Phoenix logo behind her. The theme seems to be "fire" and it works really well. Gail herself looks awesome depicted in her red suit - it's like she's leading a marching band!

Rai Asuha depicts Gail in the late game with her red suit, and night star bat, and holding a lamp. She looks ready for adventure! I really like the white outline here and Gail's poofy shoulders here - the art style feels reminiscent of Final Fantasy Tactics.

Seri also draws Gail bearing her late game equipment. Unique to Seri's drawing is how all of Gail's equipment is accessible from a pocket on her shirt. I also like how Gail is depicted with her lucky earrings - that accessory is often forgotten.

Treedude depicts Gail with a bat and wearing a funny smirk. She looks like she's ready to hurt someone!

Warotar returns with everyone's favorite Great Drake, Bubbles! It seems so happy to be featured!

I'm really grateful for all the fanart this game has received. From the bottom of my heart, thank you!

Closing Notes

Pirate drew a picture to mark the occasion. It shows Gail enjoying a hot chocolate with marshmallows and a pumpkin muffin. A rest well-earned...

Goodbye! Until next time!

#phoenotopia

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baby-witch-eli · 4 years ago

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Quantifying my Craft

I found this lovely post by @breelandwalker, who I totally recommend checking out, and it inspired me. My cards and horoscopes have been pushing me to reflect on my goals lately so this is exactly what I needed right now! I decided I'd give it a go.

Broad Concepts

I like to follow western traditions; Celtic traditions in particular are near and dear to my heart. This is why I chose to focus my worship in the Celtic Pantheon, and I'm currently working on building a relationship with Brigid. I would consider myself an eclectic, although divination and nature magic are my two main areas of focus. While I like to ask others for advice while I learn, magic is something I prefer to practice on my own. I've only been practicing since late January, interestingly enough I started around Imbolc. So far I've found intentions are the most important aspect of witchcraft and it has helped me greatly to practice intention in all aspects of my life.

Working Space

I began constructing an altar to Brigid yesterday. Frustratingly enough, my mother is going to have me put away all my small little items and decorations tomorrow as we're trying to sell our house. We won't be moving for a few more months though. I'm hoping I'll be able to keep the altar up but I'll look into online altar options if needed. I already keep an online altar to myself on an app called #SelfCare that I would highly recommended.

Right now my altar to Brigid has a white candle in a green holder; a sailor's knot I wore around my wrist until it started to come undone; a silver bell for music and creativity; the first piece of pottery I ever painted; a picture book of the traveling I did around Michigan a few years ago; an empty journal I hope to fill with art and poems dedicated to her; and a beaker (cauldron stand-in) I dedicated by burning a sigil in that holds nineteen white rose petals and a whisker my cat lost. I'm charging a carnelian and working on a piece of fox, the spirit guide she sent me, embroidery to add to the altar. It's positioned on top of an organizer I have on my desk, which is pushed up against a window.

There's a spot under my porch I wanted to use for meditation but I discovered I'm too jumpy and distractible to meditate outdoors. I don't like having my eyes closed when out of the open and I have an exaggerated startle response. Instead, I find it better for me to meditate in the bath. Sitting in water at least ankle deep with the lights off, after everybody else has gone to sleep and when the moon can shine through the window, is the ideal place for me to sit and follow a guided meditation. I find meditations that take me on a journey through my astral space are the most effective.

Ideally, I'd like to be able to have my own space where I can freely spread my altars and workspaces throughout the house. I want to be able to fill it with plants and books and cards and candles. While I'm at home trying to avoid suspicion from my Christian family, I just have to make the most of what I have.

Tools

My first deck is on the #SelfCare app. I call it my "Familiar Deck" as that's the one I'm most connected with. It's brutally honest, which I love. My second favorite deck is the "blue-eyed" deck I use for my Daily Draw. Another brutally honest deck and one I find to be very accurate. When asking Brigid questions, I prefer to use the Yes/No deck. It gives you your answer and is also good at accurately conveying "secondary," not yes/no, messages. You'll notice all of them are online and that's because, once again, I live with my Christian family and must be covert.

I have a quite a few crystals as I, thankfully, was interested in collecting them when I was younger. The tumbled crystals I have are small and few; most of my crystals are raw. I keep forgetting to charge them when there's a full moon out. I'll have to set a reminder or something to that effect. At the very least, I'm happy that I don't have to bother with trying to obtain any without my parents becoming suspicious. One of these days, I'd love to start collecting rings and wear several. It's also silly little dream of mine to get an onyx pendulum someday.

As far as books go, I bought a beautiful journal I've dedicated as my grimoire. It's dark blue with shiny, gold space decals. I would love to collect witchy books but I don't have money and I couldn't get away with it while living at home. I hear there's an excellent discord that stores witchy books and I think it's something I'll look into. For now, my information comes from my internet research. Thankfully, I did debate for several years, so I know how to find sources from accurate cites, but it certainly takes a lot of work to find good information that way.

The Year

I’m interested in learning more about the Wheel of the Year and incorporating it into my practice. Imbolc is especially important to me, as I worship the goddess Brighid. I missed it this year but I hope to celebrate it in the future. I have yet to study the important of dates outside of astrology so I’ll have to make sure I study it more.

History of My Magic

Honestly, I’ve always felt a very strong pull towards magic. I was raised in a very religious family though so I was always afraid that answering the call would condemn me. I grew up reading as many fantasy stories as I could, connecting with any animal I was able to, and spending as much time in the woods or by water as I could. The woods and the water have always felt full of magic to me and inspired me to want to practice witchcraft. Ever since I was little, I’ve had a great fondness and affection for the moon and stars. I’ve also always felt very drawn to Celtic folklore, magic, and Irish culture. I have distant family ties to Ireland and even though it’s a relatively minor aspect of my heritage, it’s always felt the most important to me. Movies like Song of the Sea and Brendan and the Secret of Kells helped tighten my bond with it. I even started learning as much as I could about the Fae after some books I read piqued my interest. I’ve always been the kid who kept a firm belief in magic even after all my friends “outgrew” it.

It took me a long time to finally answer the call to magic. Like I said, I was raised in a religious household. My grandparents even accused me of being a witch when I went through my Harry Potter phase! It actually made me rather pleased. There were a few times I came very close to beginning practicing witchcraft but I shied away for fear of Hell. It wasn’t until I finally was able to distance myself from the church earlier this year that I decided to start practicing magic behind my parents’ back. I’m very glad I did.

Progress

I’ve only been practicing for a few months. I’ve been very busy with college so it’s been pretty lax so far. I’m trying to build some sort of consistency. The end of the semester is a bad time for that, for sure. I’ve really connected with astrology and tarot-reading. Learning about the symbolism of different bugs and animals has also been something I’ve honestly also done, so it’s nice to be able to incorporate that into my practice. Dragonflies have always been signs of good luck for me (or bad omens, as the one time I saw one dead was one my Grammy found in her garage; she showed it to me a month or so before she passed away from cancer).

Recently, I began meditation. I met my spirit animal, a brown-eyed fox, who I ended up learning was sent by the goddess Brighid to guide me. I contacted Brighid about twice and set up an altar for her. The first time I heard her speak to me was when she was telling me I don’t drink enough water (I haven’t met with her since I pulled an all-nighter for college and I’m sure she’s not particularly pleased with that). I’m hoping to get back into my meditative practice soon. I’ve also needed to meditate to ask about a crow or raven that my sister and I kept crossing paths with while going out to lunch together. I’m not sure if it’s a sign of something or if the Morrigan wants to contact me. I’ve also heard the name Cernunnos repeated in my head lately so I’ve wanted to look into him too. I didn’t think I’d have anything to do with deities after my experiences with Christianity but Brighid quickly changed my mind.

Final Notes

I actually started writing this post a week or so ago but life got crazy. I’m in the last few weeks of my Freshman year of college, so it’s hectic. Right now I’m staying at a cabin in the mountains over the weekend, so I’m hoping this will give me the chance I need to wind down and reconnect with Brighid and my higher self. I’m hoping to get a daily routine going for my practice over the next few weeks.

#green witch #baby witch #witch tarot #witch notes #witch life #witch journey

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mercurytrinemoon · 4 years ago

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Something on annual profections and how they’re bomb af

I'm in the middle of writing a post on Neptune but I was kind of miserable and whenever I feel that way, I like to stare at my solar return charts and transits, trying so see something that would give me some hope for the future. The thing is, there’s always nothing interesting happening in them so I was peeking at astro-seek (my favourite website for charts), trying to look for something different and I found a thing called annual profections. It's an ancient technique that I don't think is that popular right now, but holy shiz, it seems to be so accurate that I need to share my observations with you.

So every year your ascendant and planets shift one sign forward, activating each house respectively. The cycle repeats itself every 12 years (because there's 12 houses, duh) so you can analyze recurring themes from the past and see what's coming for the future cycles.

When you're 0-1 year old, your first house is activated, 1-2 - second house, 2-3 - third house and so on... This method requires equal/whole house system. Your planets shift with the whole chart. Let's say you're an Aries Sun in the 5th - when your 2nd house is being activated, it shifts to Taurus Sun in the 5th. Your ascendant changes from Sagittarius to Capricorn.

Now, when it comes to things you pay attention to when using profections, you can go every direction with this. You look at the ruler of your profected rising sign (use classic rulership!). It's going to be important that year. So if it's Capricorn, look at transits to a) your natal Saturn b) profected Saturn c) Saturn transits in general. If, for example, you have planets in the 2nd house natally and you’re going through your 2nd house year, these planets are also important.

Activation of each house brings focus on its topics during that year. For example, right now at the age of 29, my 6th house is the active one. I had many doctors visits this year to finally do something about my chronic health issues and also started working out (that's also a bit thanks to that Saturn that was in my Aqua 1st house for a few months) and I stick to a new workout routine now. These are very much 6th house issues. With my time lord being Moon (which is being squared by that transiting Cap stellium for months now) it’s been a hectic year and I’m kind of a mess lol.

From my quick observation, seems like the active house doesn’t have to be fully switched on right after your birthday. 2019 was a very weird year for me - had my 5th house activated. It didn’t hit me right away. At the beginning of the year, a couple of months after my birthday, I decided to buy a ukulele (I play guitar for 12 years now but REALLY felt the need to play something new). Then life introduced me to someone who, firstly, made me go into music even deeper and, secondly, makes my hormones go batshit crazy. After years of being bitter about relationships, the thought of romance seemed EXTREMELY fun to me. Now let’s break it down, my 5th house is in Gemini (so the time lord for the year was Mercury) and I have Gemini Mars there. The 5th house was in full mode when: a) Sun was transiting my profected Mercury in Aries, b) transiting Mars entered Gemini, c) Jupiter transited my natal Sagittarius Mercury and d) Mercury (along with Venus) transited my profected Aries Sun/Venus (I knoooow, that’s A LOT!). All these transits happened pretty much at the same time so the influence was strengthened. It literally hit me out of the blue... it was the most bizzare feeling ever.

On top of that, my niece started learning guitar a year ago so I kind of help her with that from time to time. And I started learning astrology - this isn’t a 5th house thing per se, but I do see it as a hobby soooo... it counts? Now let’s summarize 5th house matters: creativity and arts? Check. Hobbies? Check. Romantic and sexual feelings? Check. Children? Well kind of yeah, check.

Of course there were other factors, like Jupiter transiting my sign and making a trine to my natal Jupiter (it has a great ability to push me into expanding my horizons, especially in all things Venusian) and having my Saturn return (and I actually blamed all of this on Saturn, but guess it wasn’t just that). So this also shows that we need to pay attention to patterns - this is kind of what I was talking about in my synastry post, which was: a single aspect doesn’t have much power. A single transit won’t do much on itself unless you’re very sensitive to that particual planet it transits or you have a stellium or whatever... but that’s another topic.

Ok but let’s have another general example. When we turn 6 and 18, our 7th house becomes active: it’s known as the relationship house - people usually think of romantic, commited relationships but it’s more than that. It’s about friendships and meeting new people and really experiencing all types of relations with others. What happens when you’re 6-7? You go to school: you’re put in the new environment of lots of kids you don’t know; you have your first friendships and start learning to interact with others; discovering and choosing what kinds of people you like and dislike. That’s our first 7th house year. Next is when we’re 18: we finish schools, some of us go to college or work so we’re put in a completely new environment once again. Some may start to work with others. A lot of people start commited relationships at that time (after trying it out earlier in high school during the 5th house period). And the cycle repeats itself.

We all have the same house lit up at the same age but our charts are different, that’s why our experiences are different. During some years our time lord for the year may be barely touched by anything, that’s probably why we won’t feel its influence that much; during other it may activate after a while or right at the beginning. But I did see some very clear patterns with that technique. I know some people love solar return charts and swear by them, for me personally, they’re mostly duds lol. So if you want to dive into something new and analyze your profections, I’d love to hear what you discover with it.

#dis kind of advanced but hope you followed #astrology #astro notes #annual profections #profections #predictive astrology #mercurytrinemoon

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elizabethsharmon · 4 years ago

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also thinking about the drama and angst that they’ve been setting up but we probably will never see cause they don’t have the range and prefer to pretend like everything is fine and post two highly edited photos on insta with one-word cliche captions... about eliott coming back home late at night from the filming, quietly going to the shower to not wake lucas up, only to find him standing outside of the bathroom as soon as he goes out, startling him... about them, lying in bed, eliott telling lucas about the filming and when he gets to the ending, to the words he wrote from the bottom of his heart just for lucas and to the k*ss, how suddenly lucas tenses and shuts his eyes even more, pretending to have fallen asleep just so he wouldn’t have to listen... how the next morning lucas makes crepes for both of them, how eliott wraps his arms around him and kisses him, but lucas doesn’t respond, just focuses on the task at hand... how lucas barely eats anything, just keeps playing with the food on his plate, how eliott asks him what’s wrong and he tries to pretend that it’s nothing, that he’s just stressed, but then eliott sees how glassy his eyes are and he doesn’t let go, how lucas finally breaks and deadpan asks him why he kept the k*ss in the script, why couldn’t he change it, why didn’t he tell him they would film in the middle of the night on friday when lucas wasn’t even studying, why he did it anyway... how lucas takes his books and notes and says he’s going to study with the boys, not saying when he’ll be back... how eliott waits for him all day, only to receive a late night text that he’s going to stay over at the coloc... how lucas posts some art on his insta, similar to the ashtray post from s3, captioning it only with 📎 how eliott sees it and only then realizes that this is more serious than he could imagine... how the next day, he goes to the coloc, determined to talk to him and explain everything, but mika and yann open the door, saying that lucas is not in a good place right now and he should give him some time... how behind the closed doors, boys are trying to pick him up and tell lucas to talk to eliott, to fix everything, but he just sniffles and starts revising again, trying to do anything to not think about it... how eliott gives him the time and space he needs, trying to reach him all the time though, posting drawings of hedgehog and raccoon on insta, letting lucas know that in case he foolishly forgets he’s never not thinking of him... how after the first day of the bac eliott comes to pick lucas up from school. a small buquet of flowers in hand, how lucas stops in track when he sees him waiting, but then he says goodbye to the boys and walks to him... how eliott asks him if he’s staying at the coloc again and lucas nods so eliott offers to walk him there, bashfully handing him the flowers... how they attempt to make some small talk, tiptoeing around the edges of what needs to be said and when they’re about to really talk, they bump into la mif and lola on the street, how quickly it becomes hectic and too much, how they keep talking to eliott about urbex, and the film, and now they’re talking to lucas and asking if they all want to hang out now, how it’s just too much and lucas tells him to go ahead but he’s going home... how eliott becomes hopeful for a moment when he thinks lucas means their flat but he corrects himself, says he’s going to the coloc and ignores how eliott’s face drops then, how eliott says that he’s walking lucas there so he can’t go with la mif, but lucas says that he should go for it, that he’s a big boy and can walk himself home and eliott shakes his head and wants to go with him but lucas says that he’s sorry, he can’t do this, he needs time... how he gives him back the flowers and walks away, without looking back, and when he disappears around the corner eliott swears, and throws the flowers away, how he’s close to losing it, because it feels like he already did, cause he lost him, didn’t he, so he weeps on the street... how la mif is there to take care of him and they go to the bar together, how eliott gets drunk s3 vodka-style cause he has no one, cause lucas was it for him and now he’s gone, he lost him because he took everything for granted... how he tries to get on with his life, to get up, go to classes, go to work, but the heartache is impossible, how he walks around the house wearing lucas’ clothes, how he still posts drawings even though they’re always left unanswered, how he gives lucas the time he needs... until one night, when he works at the video club and suddenly lucas is there, asking him if he has any film to recommend about a guy with trust issues who was so insecure about his relationship that he left but that didn’t make things better because it made him even more miserable because he can’t stop thinking about his love... how eliott says that no, he doesn’t, but he has a film about a guy who took everything that’s been given to him for granted and how he kept pushing those lines and the trust and pushing it until one moment it was too late and he’s lost everything that mattered to him because of his own stupidity... how lucas asks that what if it wasn’t all lost, how they both finally talk and heal and not let it destroy them and promise each other to always talk about stuff and to never hide things again... how lucas walks eliott back home, to their home and he stays, joking that mika was already close to kicking him out of the coloc and how he wants to come back either way cause he can’t sleep without eliott anymore, to which eliott only nods and says that he can’t either... how later eliott posts a photo of their itertwined hands on his insta and boys comment instantly that finally and he was so grumpy the last few days that we were close to ditching him to which lucas replies with a few eyeroll emojis but eliott shoots a quick i love when he’s grumpy and hugs him tight, not letting go of him, not ever again...

#anyway i want angst :)

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mork-lee-bee · 4 years ago

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Broken Lovers V

Summary: Y/n is a hopeless romantic in love with someone who will never love her back and Jaehyun is helplessly in love with someone who only continues to hurt him over and over again, sounds like a match made in heaven right?

Pairings: CollegeStudent!Jaehyun X CollegeStudent!Y/N X CollegeStudent!Jaemin

Warnings: toxic relationships, toxic behavior

Genre: angst/fluff/smut

Word count: 1.6k

Masterlist

As soon as the door opened you were greeted with a very tired looking woman who gives you a weak smile before stepping to the side and letting you in.

“He’s just at the store right now, he should be back soon though, do you want something to eat?” She asks as you step in and slip off your shoes placing them on the shoe rack on the open spot.

“Nah I’m good, how have you guys been doing?” You question after taking a seat in the small living room they had just after the entrance.

“We’ve been good, it’s tiring though,” She explains stretching lightly.

“Yeah, I can’t imagine with Sangook and now Haewon,” and as if on cue you could hear the sound of feet running on the floor before a small child runs around the corner spotting you before beaming brightly and running over. You pick the boy up and give him a tight hug.

“There’s my favorite nephew,” You say to his mom a smile spread across your face as the boy refuses to let go.

“He missed you a lot, so does your brother,” You frown slightly before the five-year-old let’s go looking up at you with such happiness as he signs something to you which you pay close attention to, as signing wasn’t something that was very natural to you yet.

I miss you, aunt, Your sister in law watches you closely as you respond, your focus completely on your nephew.

I miss you too You respond as his eyes light up with pure happiness and before you know it you have a full conversation with him, a few signs unknown to you but the context helped with understanding as he explains about school and some toys. You’re so immersed and hyper-focused you don’t even notice when the front door opens and your brother walks in hands full of bags.

“Hey to you too,” Your brother has to shout in order to pry your attention away from Sangook but it wasn’t a rude shout it was happier and he watched you communicate with his son with fondness.

“TAEYONG!” You shout happily getting up and running over to your brother who hugs you tightly.

“Hey little sis,” He ruffles your hair lightly, not enough to annoy you but just in his typical brother way.

“You won’t believe how much I missed you,” You explain thinking about the last time you had seen him.

“Then you should call more often,” He nudges you as you laugh knowing how much you sucked at reaching out to anyone.

“Yeah yeah, But I’m here now so let’s catch up!” You tug at his arm dragging him into the living room where he sits down on the small couch with his wife and Sangook on her lap and you take a seat on the floor. A Children’s cartoon on the TV while you talk relaxed with your brother and sister-in-law.

“So how’s sophomore year going?” Taeyong question’s raising an eyebrow and you know what he’s actually talking about.

“You’re worse than mom I swear!” You groan tired of everyone asking about your relationship status.

“I just want to make sure, you’re happy, I know you were devastated when you and Seonghwa had to split up,” Taeyong points out, and while it did hurt it was for the best.

“Look I understand why you’re concerned but I’m happy,” You smile reassuring Taeyong, who still doesn’t buy into it entirely but knows how much he should push.

“Hey, ____,” Taeyong’s wife, Jiri, speaks up a bright smile on her face as if she realized something.

“Since you’re single I do have someone in mind,” She nudges Taeyong who as if reading her mind knows what she means.

“I don’t like where this is going…” You mumble but she continues.

“Taeyong has this friend who’s a few years older than you attending the university and he’s recently single,” She relays the details smiling

“Look I don’t want to be anyone’s rebound,” You start knowingly that the end of one relationship meant a rebound was sure to follow, you didn’t want to just be that.

“It’s not like that, Just give him a chance you can ghost him if you want but for our peace of mind, just try and Taeyong will never pester you about dating again right honey?” She looks to your brother as he sighs but nods anyway.

“Fine,” You groan but hand your phone over for her to add the contact.

“I promise he’s very sweet,” She assures you before handing your phone back over, the contact name listed as J which confused you.

“J is his name?” You wonder out loud and Jiri laughs lightly shaking her head before actually explaining.

“No, but I don’t want you to make any kind of judgments before you actually talk,” She points out which is nice but you were left with so many questions it was unbearable.

“You guys worry too much,” You end up saying stretching out and turning your phone off telling yourself you’d text the number later.

“Yeah yeah, now we can stop talking about that and move on to something else,” Taeyong smiles before you beam and bring up a different thing to happen recently.

“I joined the photography club!” You explain excitedly as the memories of your first day came flooding back to your mind but more importantly, the very cute club president who was so invested in photos and art it was admirable.

Yuta was trying to enjoy some peaceful time to himself but that was short-lived because as soon as he walked into the house he was met with Heejin and Jaehyun sitting in the living room cuddled up together.

“Why is the rat here?” Yuta rolled his eyes as soon as the comment left her mouth.

“Be nice,” Jaehyun’s voice could be heard urging Heejin to stop with the comments.

“I thought I smelled something fishy,” Yuta frowned crossing his arms. The girl had a shocked look on her face as she turned her head up at Jaehyun, the look in her eyes had Jaehyun falling at her feet, she had no mercy as she brought her lips to his ear to whisper something Yuta couldn’t catch.

“Yuta,” Jaehyun let out an exhausted sigh as if Yuta was the one who started this, that he had provoked Heejin rather than the other way around.

“Jaehyun can I speak to you in the kitchen?” Yuta motioned his head in the direction of the unopened door. And as if it triggered Heejin she clung even closer to Jae, a death grip as to make him stay like some kind of boa constrictor.

“Can’t you talk AFTER the movie,” Heejin glares daggers at Yuta.

“Not really, this is important.” Yuta tries his best to keep his composure with the girl as he looks at Jaehyun.

“It’ll only be a few minutes I promise,” Jaehyun smiles at Heejin hissing her cheek before she silently removes herself from Jaehyun crossing her arms.

“Promise?” She looks up at him as he nods before following Yuta into the kitchen.

Jaehyun couldn’t see past that girl he first met who was slowly becoming someone unknown, he couldn’t see the smirk that crossed her lips or the way she acted whenever someone tried to pull him away even for a moment, what had turned into a simply clingy girlfriend turned into the only person in his life as she was slowly dragging him away from everyone, including the boys in the frat house he was LIVING with.

Yuta made sure the kitchen door was closed before he spoke, trying to find the words that wouldn’t upset Jaehyun.

“Jae, I understand that she’s your girlfriend but don’t you think you should let us know when she’s going to be over? A lot of us get home and just want to relax and sometimes she makes that difficult,” Yuta pinches the bridge of his nose.

“I understand but-” Jaehyun started with an excuse but Yuta wasn’t in the mood for what he had to say instead Yuta talked over him.

“No Jaehyun, The other guys won’t tell you this because they know how much you love her but I don’t care, you either let us know or she’s no longer welcome here.” Yuta puts his foot down and can see the conflict in Jaehyun’s eyes.

“And maybe spend some time with us every once in a while, I bet you didn’t even realize yesterday was Johnny’s birthday,” Yuta points out as Jaehyun’s eyes widen slightly with the realization he blanked on one of his closest friend’s birthday’s.

“I thought so, ever since you two started dating you’ve forgotten about us, your brothers,” Yuta shakes his head as he walks past Jaehyun and out the door of the kitchen to go upstairs and leave Jaehyun to reflect and think.

“What did he say?” Taeil, one of the oldest people in the Frat asks as soon as he walks into their shared room.

“Not much but he got the message,” Yuta sighed before plopping onto his bed and looking up at the ceiling.

“I get such a bad vibe from her,” Yuta expresses his concern.

“Everyone but Jae does, maybe he’ll just have to see it for himself before he realizes something is up with her,” Taeil sighs out.

---

A/N: sorry this is on the shorter side this week I’ll try to make next week’s which will posted on 7/25 longer, it’s just been a very hectic week for me personally, my fish died sadly so I took that day off and didn’t write and a few other days so I should be writing longer chapter’s soon, thanks as always for reading it’s very much appreciated. <3

Taglist (Leave note to be added)

❤️ @yourchasingsunsets ❤️ @justineasian ❤️ @captainsjoongs ❤️ @theworld-accordingtocasey ❤️ @yee-hawwwwwwww ❤️ @renjunstarlight ❤️ @soothingjae ❤️

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whitherliliesbloom · 4 years ago

Text

the instagram boyfriends club

[ ffxivwrite2020 ] ★ [ masterlist ] ★ [ prompt #16 - lucubration ]

[ various wol/npc ships ] ★ [ 2,576 words ] [ highschool / modern au ]

haurchefant greystone, estinien wyrmblood and alphinaud leveilleur. mentions laurelis by @ancientechos, peppermint by @mintdrop. illya is also mentioned and appears briefly at the end. may be a little ooc but do i care?? a lot of the jokes were stolen from this youtube video, which was also the main inspiration for this fic.

instagram pics are #seriousbusiness

Saturday mornings were typically an uneventful affair, and thankfully so. His duties as the student council president often meant hectic school days filled with a mountain high of paperwork on top of his already impressive laundry list of assignments. Alphinaud was thankful for any little moment of peace he can get - weekends in particular were sacred, reserved only for either relaxation or outings with his family, friends or girlfriend.

And yet...

[[One unread message from Estinien]]

Estinien: meet me at haurchefant’s house in 1 hour. You: Wait. In an hour??? What for?? Estinien: just be there You: ???? You: This is so sudden. Is something wrong?? You: Estinien???

Of course he’d be left on read, as was common when texting Estinien.. sometimes at the most egregious of times. This in particular would be one of the absolute worst examples of Estinien’s utter lack of prudence. No matter how many times Alphinaud would dial his friend’s number, the unanswered ringing would only cause his nerves to spike.

Within the campus grounds he was a well respected figure who possessed more authority than any of the other students of his cohort.. and yet outside of it, he’d always be reduced to being something of a pushover, one who couldn’t help but to allow himself to be pulled by the whims of his friends.

He could only pray that whatever it was Estinien’s decided to drag him into this time, it wouldn’t take too much of his precious saturday rest.

-------------------

“You want Haurchefant to teach us how to take instagram photos??” Alphinaud’s voice raises in pitch, nothing short of bewildered by Estinien’s request to their mutual friend as he stepped inside of the house. “I never took you to be the type who cared about that-”

“It’s not for me.” With a low grunt, Estinien mutters between grit teeth before settling himself onto the couch with a burdened thud. “It’s for Totomi.”

In an instant, it all made sense, and Alphinaud has to withhold himself from letting out an audible chuckle. It’s no surprise that an outgoing girl from the drama club who has a penchant for the extravagant and flare would like to post photos online for her following to see. Though Alphinaud himself wasn’t exactly an expert on the matter - his own instagram profile was only ever updated semi-regularly with ordinary photos of classmates and student council activities, he was at least aware that there were others who practically lived their entire lives on that app.

“Ah! You wish to learn how to take better pictures for your beloved! How wonderful!”

Haurchefant’s jovial tone elicits a grimace from Estinien, whose grip on his phone only tightens.

“I’m just sick of her asking me to constantly retake shots. I’d rather not have to stand in the middle of the street for ten minutes just to take a single picture of her in front of a brick wall.”

“And you thought to ask Haurchefant...why?” Alphinaud asks with an inquisitive tilt of his head.

“You seriously don’t know??”

“Know what?”

“Haurchefant is called the god of instagram boyfriends.. or some dumb shit like that.”

“Uh... what?” He’s heard of instagram. He’s heard of instagram models... but what in twelves name was an instagram boyfriend?

Haurchefant’s shoulders pull back in pride upon hearing that indirect praise, however, evidently more than a little pleased that his reputation and ‘fame’.. if it could be considered that, was beginning to spread by word of mouth.

“I’m so truly flattered that you would think so highly of me!” With a raise of both his arms, Haurchefant grins. Estinien rolls his eyes and mutters ‘i wasn’t praising you’ beneath his breath. “Indeed! I will admit to be at least well experienced in the art of taking instagram pictures for my beloved!”

“Laurelis? Pardon me for asking.. I’m not surprised that she has an instagram account.. but what makes you so special?”

Right on cue, Haurchefant raises up the screen of his phone, proudly displaying the profile of the ever familiar pink-haired miqo’te. Admittedly, Alphinaud didn’t know very much about Laurelis. What little he did know was only informed to him by her best friend, who just so happened to be the very same young lady he was dating. And from the few times they’ve spoken, he could see the miqo’te as being quite an instagram addict too - as most extroverted types typically are.

Upon seeing the numbers listed on the profile, however, Alphinaud’s eyes very nearly pop out of his sockets.

“Over five thousand followers?!” That’s more than the entire student body and staff members of Eorzea academy combined. The twelve knows it will take an eternity for Alphinaud himself to see that amount of followers on his account.

“My dear is something of a minor celebrity! And I take great pride in knowing that I was able to play a small part in helping her take the pristine, ‘aesthetically pleasing’ shots as they say that she is known for today!”

“Good for you.” If estinien’s eyes could roll any harder they’d roll to the back of his skull.

“Ah, but what of you, Alphinaud? Are you here to learn how to take better photos for Illya?”

The shorter elezen widens his eyes in surprise, not having expected to have a question directed straight at him, but he is quick to shake his head in response. As far as he was aware, Illya wasn’t exactly more instagram savvy than he himself was. She did have an account, one he naturally followed, but it would only ever be updated once every several days - and rarely with actual photographs of herself. Food, plant life and animals made up the majority of her profile’s portfolio, not that Alphinaud ever failed to double tap on any of her pictures, no matter how menial they seemed.

Though, he supposes she could be considered slightly internet famous as well - just not at all in the same way her best friend was. He hears that her gardening blog has just reached a 2 thousand subscriber milestone, recently.. which he imagines to be quite a feat especially considering it was by all accounts quite literally a website filled with nothing but gardening tips, tutorials and floral arrangement pictures.

“Not exactly. Estinien forced-” he nearly continues to speak, but the low grunt emitted from the couch causes Alphinaud to swallow his words “-encouraged me to come along for the lesson. He said it’d be....livelier with the three of us.”

“Well, there certainly is no harm in more company! Regardless of your reasons for being here, I’m sure the things you’ll learn today will help you and Illya in the future!”

Haurchefant moves over to the couch, tapping on Estinien’s shoulder who could only let out a groan in annoyance.

“Now then.. shall we get on with the lesson?”

-----------------------------

“Now, let’s do some practice shots! Say that I have asked you to take an OOTD picture!”

“The hell’s OOTD.”

“Ah, outfit of the day, my friend! Now let’s have you take a picture of me and I shall give you my candid feedback! Starting with you, Alphinaud!”

The shortest of the trio thinks to protest for a moment, but quickly presses his lips together and reluctantly holds his phone up to snap a photo of his taller peer, who has already taken station by the window and posed for the camera.

“Ah a perfectly serviceable photo, my friend! But it has one critical, devastating flaw.”

“I-It’s that serious?? What is it?”

Haurchefant points to the bottom of the picture where his legs were cut off and shakes his head.

“You must never, ever cut off the feet in a full body shot, especially for an outfit of the day picture! This is one of the most common pitfalls of instagram boyfriends!” With an exaggerated wave, he gestures to his boots. “Remember! The shoes are part of the outfit!”

The sheer enthusiasm of Haurchefant’s loud proclamation only gives Alphinaud further whiplash when he turns to look at Estinien, whose face has darkened with the deepest frown he’s seen his friend wear in a long while.

“It’s just shoes... why the hell does it matter?”

He’s more than a little disgruntled as he recalled the way Totomi had asked him to take a photo of her new wool sweater and jeans, and her numerous loud demands for him to retake the shot with her bright red sneakers in frame. It wasn’t even a new pair - but one she’s worn for years...unable to appreciate the effort she’d went into making sure her entire wardrobe was perfectly color coordinated.

“Grumble all you wish, friend, but these are things of great importance in the eyes of our ladies! Now, repeat after me! The shoes are part of the outfit!”

“T-the shoes are part of the outfit...” Alphinaud mutters, as Estinien grumbles even further. His uncooperative behavior only causes Haurchefant to grow more pushy.

“Louder! With more gusto! THE SHOES ARE PART OF THE OUTFIT!”

“Nobody gives a damn about your shoes!”

No wonder Totomi has to nag him to retake her photos...

-----------------------------

“The angle you take the photo can either turn the picture into a stunning piece of work, or an unaesthetic disaster! Please Alphinaud my friend, demonstrate by taking a photo of Estinien sitting on this chair.”

Alphinaud has never held his phone in his hands for as long as he has on this day, so much that he can practically feel the heat from its overuse start to scald his palms and fingers. And yet he dares not to argue, and instead quickly snaps a photo of Estinien as instructed, who looks just as unamused and tired as he was, if not even more so.

“Splendid, Alphinaud! The focus is just right! However, you would have done better were you to have taken the photo at a higher angle.”

“What difference would that have made?”

“A high-angled photo slims down the face, while a low-angled picture elongates the legs! Indeed, it may seem surprising, but such small, subtle differences in even the height at which you hold your camera could make all the difference in the world!” One would assume they were listening to a professional photographer speak from the way Haurchefant lectured them about the intricacies and importance of camera placement in taking instagram photographs.. and Alphinaud wasn’t sure if he was more exasperated or amazed. “Now, take a photo of Alphinaud and show me your fine work, Estinien!”

With yet another roll of his eyes, and a barely audible grumble, Estinien steps forward and holds up his phone, towering over his seated friend and quickly snaps a photo.

------------------------

“Now, we shall practice taking pictures of one another within an imaginary scenario.” The cups of coffee and plates of biscuit Haurchefant had fetched from the kitchen were gently placed upon the dining table, before he steps back and gestures towards Alphinaud. “Say your lady and you are on a date, and she asks you to take a photo of her at the table.”

“Um.. well, something like this?”

Alphinaud holds his phone up to Haurchefant, whose smile falters for but a brief moment.

“Oh dear, my friend.. Did you not notice the misplaced broom in the background?” He leans down and taps on the side of the photograph, where sure enough a blurry and seemingly innocuous broom stood just on the edge of the frame. It seemed harmless enough to him, and yet that mistake seemed enough to cause even Haurchefant, whose joyous demeanor never seemed to be breakable, to slump his shoulders. “The secret to success is a keen eye and attention to detail, my friend.”

For the first time in three hours, Estinien lets out a smirk and a chuckle. It seems the only way he’d get any enjoyment out of this little photo taking lesson is to see Alphinaud be told off and dejected.

“You suck at this, don’t you?”

Alphinaud’s shoulders rise and fall with a nonchalant shrug.

“Pardon, but at least my photographs are in focus.”

“You wanna say that a little louder again, punk?”

“Now, now! Let us not fight! We are brothers in arms, and there is still much and more to learn! For our next lesson, I shall teach you how to take pictures of food and drinks!”

-----------------------

Alphinaud’s phone battery has never once died on him in his life. Even with his normally liberal use of his applications such as the notepad, calculators and on the rare occasions, prolonged social media use, he’s never used his phone enough in a single day for the battery to ever run out.

That day had certainly been the first.. and it was also at the end of that saturday, upon watching the light and life from his smart phone die out on him, that Haurchefant urged him to get a portable charger... among other things such as a selfie stick. He’d even downloaded one of those photo editing applications, one that he has still yet to fully figure his way around.

If there was anything he’d learn on that fateful day, and thought to himself as he walked home under the hues of the setting sun that evening, it was that taking instagram pictures was seriously not a joke.

And here he was on a date with the gardening club president a mere week later.. and a far changed... and scarred man.

“Is something wrong, Alphinaud?”

Illya had caught him staring at a brick wall with a piece of particularly ‘aesthetic’ looking graffiti, and for a moment his head had been filled with naught by red blaring sirens and a words that repeatedly chanted ‘photo op’ in his head. It was only by the grace of her voice, and a slight tug of her hand in his that his attention would be pulled away, a forced smile upon his expression.

“Oh, forgive me. I was just.. distracted.”

Illya has never asked him to take a photo of her, much less stopped their date dead in its tracks in order to take a picture for her social media. She never was the type who cared much for arbitrary internet fame and followers.. and he thought he had been as well.

T’would seem however, that he’s taken Haurchefant’s advice to heart, a little too much for his own good.. and he’s certainly far more attentive of his surroundings and much to his own horror, of the outfits that the people around him wore. One thing he hadn’t exactly counted on however... was an interest being ignited within him, an urge to take photos at golden opportunities in life when he would have otherwise thought it too mundane to capture before his lesson with Haurchefant and Estinien.

And as he stands stock still with a phone in his hands, his adorable and well dressed girlfriend by his side.. and an incredibly aesthetically pleasing looking brick wall.. And the motto of the instagram boyfriends club Haurchefant had asked him to repeat like a mantra that day echoed incessantly in his ears.

‘Her likes are your likes’

The eyes of the camera were to be treated like a gods’.. and if they thought their girlfriends beautiful, what better way to express that love than to capture that beauty on camera and share it for the world to see?

“Would you like to take a picture, Illya?”

#ffxiv #ffxivwrite2020 #ffxivwrite #alphinaud leveilleur #haurchefant greystone #estinien wrymblood #kiwisffxivwrite2020 #alphinaud #haurchefant #estinien #illya skawi #we've come so far #fanfic #mine #this was very sloppily written but damn did i have a lot of fun writing this

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calorieworkouts · 4 years ago

Text

Success Story: Aileen Lost 79 lbs!

Aileen S. Age: 45 Starting Weight: 234 Weight now: 155

What was the transforming point that encouraged your way of living change?

In 2008, I lost about 70 pounds, yet I never really reached my target weight. Over the following few years, I continuously returned on even more than fifty percent of that weight. I was miserable with myself and my capacity to do things with my youngsters and good friends, like jump on a trampoline or go clothes shopping. In the summertime of 2012, we went on vacation as well as I despised seeing myself in images. I had a now-or-never minute and determined that if I wished to be delighted, I required to start doing points for myself as well as develop my own joy.

People wish to know just how I did it, as well as the response is I believed. I believed in me. If I was mosting likely to more than happy in my life and also with my body, I needed to do it myself. Between August 16, 2012 and January 16, 2013, I shed 44 extra pounds and also strike my target weight. I had shed 79 extra pounds from my all-time, non-pregnant high. Why? Because I started to believe and insist that I could reach my goal.

How did MyFoodDiary help in your weight reduction journey?

Writing down what I eat is a crucial and non-negotiable part of achieving as well as maintaining a healthy weight for me. I recognize some professionals say not to compose it down because "calories are not all developed equally." There might be some reality because, yet I understand that for me, meaningless psychological eating is probably my number one source of weight gain. I also think that at the end of the day, it is the straightforward math of "calories in vs. calories out" that regulations my body. I do not constantly have a "journal" with me, neither my computer. To have an online journal that is always available as well as upgraded with every one of the information I require, that is doing the math for me and also tracking exercise, dietary values, and also water consumption, is just crucial.

Now that I have been at my objective weight for over 2 years, I often avoid daily journaling. Yet as quickly as I start to feel myself creeping away from my target weight, the initial point I go back to is MyFoodDiary as well as day-to-day journaling. It's not almost being liable. I like to check out patterns as well as recognize things like, what typical day-to-day calorie intake assists me maintain my weight? Lose weight? And also what does my ordinary nutritional account REALLY resemble? MyFoodDiary is my facilities for a healthy and balanced way of life and also my safety blanket.

Describe your new, healthy lifestyle?

Even though I have actually kept my goal weight for over 2 years, I still require to verify to myself daily that I can do this, that this is real. This is my thought cycle: I think that I am a solid as well as healthy and balanced individual, as a result I act in this way. It has actually become my fact. I consume alcohol water rather than other beverages. I try to include vegetables right into my diet regimen wherever I can, particularly right into healthy smoothies. Generally, I attempt to decrease refined carbohydrates and processed foods as well as chemicals. I'm additionally aware that attacks, licks as well as preferences have calories and also build up quick! I sometimes avoid daily journaling but MyFoodDiary is constantly the very first point I return to if I really feel like I have actually not been focusing on my nourishment and also daily calories. There is no suggesting with the numbers before me in black and white.

I include some form of movement into every day. Some days I do cardio, stamina, and also extending workout at the health club. Some days I'm exercising on a post, hammock or hoop in the airborne studio where I teach and also train. Some days I simply do cartwheels or yoga exercise obstacles, or park at the far end of the great deal. Every single day I assume regarding moving my body. It is not a duty, it is a privilege.

What has actually been your largest difficulty in the process, and also exactly how have you conquer it?

There are two challenges that I have always allowed to dictate my level of activity as well as capability to be healthy: my five children as well as my poor joints.

It is very easy to allow my youngsters's needs and hectic timetables come before my own, and for years I did just that. I was showing them that my requirements come last, including my health and also joy. Currently they see a mom that relocates as well as enjoys it. I have determined, regardless of exactly how busy my day is, I FIT exercise into it. A critical part of raising my kids is revealing them that I matter too, as they will when they come to be adults and parents.

Also, I do not have excellent joints, most significantly my back as well as knees. I've had numerous knee as well as back surgeries because I was 12 years of ages. My last orthopedist, seeing my x-rays for the first time, looked at me warily as well as stated, "You do understand that you have seriously progressed osteoarthritis, right?" I ensured him I knew that. He described that there was absolutely nothing left to be provided for my knee except to await points to weaken to the factor of replacement. What triggers me one of the most joint discomfort are poor diet, lack of activity, and bring additional weight, so I am simply made with those things. I value the limitations of my joints, as well as train carefully. I continue to educate, relocate, and also dance. Because when I quit moving, I'm done. As well as I'm not done.

What is one brand-new healthy and balanced food, behavior, or task you really did not expect to like, once you attempted it, you were hooked?

In February of 2013, having actually simply reached my objective weight, I mosted likely to a post physical fitness course at Upright Addiction in Stamford CT, assuming I would certainly rotate around looking elegant. Rather, it was hard, as in beyond-my-abilities hard.

Most of my childhood years I was an affordable gymnast, and also many of my life I have actually been a professional dancer. What I saw because class inspired me: women of every age, body form and history, who looked solid as well as graceful. I felt totally awkward and also incapable, however the other women appeared truly certain that I might do it also. I returned to attempt once again. Today, I am a qualified pole health and fitness as well as FlyGym trainer and I show 3 to 6 classes each week. I additionally complete in local competitions as well as have actually obtained bronze, silver, and also gold medals in my age in levels 1 and also 2. Pole and airborne arts are my trifecta of fitness: a challenging full-body workout of toughness and also cardio, lovely and stylish and also never the same, and remarkable ladies of every age as well as capacity coming together to support and also support for each other.

What has actually been the biggest benefit of your weight-loss success?

It is so much enjoyable to shop, put on enjoyable garments, as well as also use bikinis with confidence. It feels good daily to relocate my body as well as feel strong as well as healthy. But by much my biggest incentive is getting in touch with other ladies and assisting to show them that they can attain their health and wellness objectives also.

For years I informed myself "I can not" and I thought it. I saw various other females experience success and also I had a list of reasons she could do it - no children, under 40, had much less to shed, full time athlete or star - and I can not. I am done with that mentality, and with justifications. Females attract inspiration from me due to the fact that I don't have any type of magic bullet or simple excuses. I made a decision to do the job, and also so can various other females. Hearing that I helped motivate another person's success, despite exactly how small, is by far my favorite part of this journey.

What's next? Any type of upcoming plans that were influenced by your weight loss?

My big strategies are to keep going! I will continue contending, sharing, and training pole health and fitness as well as dance, and also aerial arts. I look forward to summer and spending quality time in the water and also sun with my family and friends. I hope to obtain hectic on my blog and also making even more entrances that will certainly share my trials and also successes. I want to get individuals speaking about attaching their wellness and also joy and accomplishing their objectives. I have one boy leaving for university and also 4 kids still in the house, so the most significant part of my life is elevating them and also helping them produce delighted, healthy and balanced lives that include discovering workout that they love.

What is your finest recommendations for others attempting to lose weight?

I state begin NOW. Do a minimum of one point today that you will certainly take pride in tonight. Exactly how often do we go to sleep stating our failures and also negative selections? I recognize there is a long listing of great, also impressive, things you do daily as well as never ever think around. Undoubtedly there are additionally practices as well as actions that make you feel severely, however you never ever truly believe about them, you simply engage in them. So undergo the day looking for possibilities to choose you will certainly boast of!

It does not matter if these opportunities are little. Due to the fact that if you are anything like me, it is the build-up of these little, mindless habits that are making you really feel beat. If rather you go to bed reminding yourself how you actively made one much better choice for yourself, after that you are going to bed with a positive thought. That will change whatever, because things you inform on your own are one of the most powerful things you listen to. Really feeling terribly regarding on your own is difficult work. Making favorable modifications daily is effort. Select your difficult work.

#body workout #exercise #fitness #get fit #health #health and fitness #health and wellness #health club #physical fitness #pilates exercises #weight #wellness #workout

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