#wanted to get this out there bcs I know that Snow Crows is the site that many end gameplayers depend on for builds and rotas

[moth-tea-merchant]

Heads up for peeps who use Snow Crows for builds and play Untamed! Despite all builds now being put in 'Legacy' this does not mean the class is now dead/unplayable

As said in this screen shot from the Snow Crows discord, the class is still playable but the curators/build testers aren't trying it out anymore because of the small nerf to the skill reduction cool down going for reducing all skills by 4 seconds to 3 seconds. Rest assured that your spec is still usable and not dead! \o/

(alt-text is provide in ID)

[a-lbeit]

2018: a year in review

rang in the new year with really good people actually watching the ball drop for the first time in a few years. it always makes me sad in a happy way.

had my friend (from california) i met while studying in berlin come to visit!!! but there was a giant (relatively speaking) snowstorm that came through, so we had to rearrange a couple things we had planned on doing. but most things worked out, especially since i didn’t have to go to work for like 5 days lmfao. we did a ghost tour, went to a few historical sites, and even drove to savannah for a day.

went to waffle house with a few people the night before i left for my last semester at american university and....tbh....started feeling some things about someone again (but it’s gone away lmao)

returned to dc for the last time for a while

actually started booking things for the best goddamn spring break -- a trip to western south dakota to visit badlands national park and everything around it

saw the devil makes three

started an internship with rock creek park, my own door into the nps

went to the bars on u street for the first time for my friend’s birthday. almost got projectile vomited on during the pregame lmfaooooo

saw arlo guthrie

got moviepass at the height of it. i saw many films with it, some of my favorites being lean on pete, three billboards outside ebbing, missouri, and bad times at the el royale. however, the company obviously went downhill. i was all right with only being able to see 3 movies a month, because for 10 bucks, that’s still not bad. but then showtimes started disappearing and i finally gave up hope. it was nice while it lasted. 

took my german midterm and skrrted right out of dc to embark on one of the greatest journeys of my life. i’d had this spring break in mind for a year and a half, and i feel so grateful that i could actually accomplish virtually everything i had dreamed of:

drove to dayton, ohio, then waterloo, iowa, then wall, south dakota, my final destination. along the way, i saw a zoo that was my window to a west i had only ever heard about, a statue of abraham lincoln right next to the mississippi, the world’s largest truck stop, a hobo memorial, an intricate and delicate and intriguing grotto, a tri-state marker, a corn palace, the goddamn missouri river, and all the farmland and life that make up the heartland of the united states. i was mesmerized and i had barely started.

reached my motel in the evening with a backdrop of the sunset over the badlands, got nervous by a group of men wearing camo and carrying what seemed to be hunting or fishing gear, went to dairy queen, and came back to a once-again empty motel parking lot. i felt better.

spent the next day in the national park. it was the off season, so the entrance i went through was unmanned. i saw countless sheep and prairie dogs, sometimes within a few feet of me, and admired the bright, layered colors in the rock. i played springsteen’s “badlands” with nobody in sight, miles of land in every direction that seemed both right there and unreachable at the same time. the visitor’s center had information and nice people. the cliff shelf trail was a small introduction to my hiking in the park. the notch trail was fun and gave me a bruise and let me see the badlands as they are meant to be seen -- you get to climb a ladder and get into the formations. there is an astonishing view, but if you go a bit further than most people do, it’s even more incredible. i lay down backwards and looked at everything upside down. i drove back the way i came and stopped to admire the sunset over the jagged and far-off edges. it was still the beginning.

(got an email saying i was accepted into the disney college program lmfao)

with the next day came a further destination. in belle fourche, sd, there is the true geographical center of the us. you go down a gravel road for around 8 miles. it’s scary when the fog doesn’t let you see more than 200 feet in front of you and the farms on either side of you are encased in snow. but the mysticism surrounding the decor -- a homemade cross, a simple “the true center of the nation” declaration, and various hiking boots stuck in the fence -- especially when you seem to be the only person for miles, is surreal. i left there and finally found my way out of the fog and went on into wyoming to see devils tower. the sky was a piercing blue and i was blinded by the light, but snow is always on the ground that time of the year, i guess, and i hiked knee-deep through 2 miles of it. i dropped to my knees in happiness like a weakling when i saw my car again, but i felt like cheryl strayed. people feed the prairie dogs so much there that they come right up to you. the squeaks were unending and cute. i drove the 2 or 2.5 hours back, mostly in the dark, my feet water-logged but my heart full.

i drove to mount rushmore the next day. it’s strange always knowing of something and finally seeing it in person. i love the sculpture and i don’t know how people are able to do things like that. i wish i could have hiked closer to it, but the trails were still closed for winter. then, through the black hills i continued, coming up to the crazy horse memorial and reluctantly paying the admission fee, although i know it helps their progress. i know i probably won’t be alive when (and if) it’s completed, but it’s nice to see at least part of it. i wish i could go up to it. maybe one day. wind cave national park came after, and i saw bison munching on grass 10 feet away from me. i wish i could have gone into the cave. maybe one day. i walked along the grassland without a jacket on. i couldn’t believe it. i left and took the backroads to return to mount rushmore to see it at night. it was scary, especially navigating the never-ending curves in the black of the unpopulated areas, but coming closer to the monument, i passed through one-car tunnels that framed the sculpture perfectly. 

the next day was my second time around at the badlands. i hiked half of the castle trail and climbed some of the formations, able to admire all i could see from a throne made of crumbly rock. there was fog in the morning which lifted to another sunny day. there were cacti and deer and even phone lines. the shadows in the creases of the hills kill me with their nonchalant elegance. i went back to my motel and came back into the park at night. i had never seen so many stars, although it was so goddamn frightening being in a parking lot unable to see 5 feet in front of me that i left after a few minutes.

my last day, i was supposed to go to jewel cave national monument, but it snowed and caused some of the roads to close. instead, i walked through the storm to wall drug store and meandered around the kitschiness. i want to bring people there to show them how incredible it is. 

i drove back to washington over the next 3 days, stopping at the now snow-covered badlands for one last look, the green giant in minnesota, effigy mounds national monument, dubuque, and everywhere in between along the way.

native american history around all of the places i have mentioned is rich and cannot be underestimated. i didn’t talk about it, but these places are of course sacred to the tribes of the region and it is paramount to respect that. i think the nps tries to educate, but it could do more.

i went about 4,200 miles on that trip. i miss the days of driving with my playlist that took months to create. 

i came back to washington and didn’t really talk about my journey except for a mention of it when discussing what we had done over spring break in german class. i love to recount this 10 day period, but i don’t do so very much because i feel inarticulate and i don’t want to minimize the effect it has had on me. 

saw langhorne slim, don mclean, and george ezra (on 3 separate occasions)

was a part of park rx day with rock creek park

saw old crow medicine show (which has become a yearly tradition i guess lmfao)

went to the graduation happy hour for the library circulation desk. that night was something i’ll never forget. i miss that place so much.

the next day, drove to clemson to see melissa graduate! what a time in our lives. then promptly drove back to dc for my own graduation

but the night before my ceremony, i saw david byrne. it was wild but not as great as i had hoped, mostly because i couldn’t see too well.

graduated from american university, but continued to be on its campus a few days a week until mid-august because i couldn’t bear the thought of leaving the library or the campus. i love that place more than i thought i ever would. 

saw shakey graves 2 days in a row, as you do

saw pussy riot thanks to a recommendation from my german professor

visited my work friend’s farm just outside of baltimore

saw pauly d dj at a club lmfaoooooo

found a shark’s tooth at calvert cliffs state park

went to new york for a day to visit brandon before he moved to san francisco! i got in around 5:30am and had the first part of the day to myself. i went to staten island and all the nps sites downtown, then met him at his brother’s apartment a couple blocks from central park (???!!!!). we went to greenwich village, ate lunch at the white horse tavern, and then had a second lunch from mcdonald’s in washington square park. he had to go after a while, but i walked over to the high line to see the sunset. i walked ~45k steps that day but the joy is remembered more than the pain in the end.

i worked and flirted with a nice guy. i might visit him in california in may. 

went to nashville to see paul simon with my friend callie. we rocked and enjoyed trashy nashy. that same day, paul simon announced his final show in queens was to be in september. i thought about how i could attend. 

we came back to charleston through the smokies and went swimming in the rain. the beauty of that area is unlike anything else. then we met lauren for lunch and it was so goddamn nice. i wish it could have been for longer. 

saw harry styles bc i love myself ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

had a couple friends visit and we did the touristy stuff of dc. it was nice to do that with people for once. 

had a couple more friends visit and we went to asbury park for the fourth of july. it was atmospheric and i couldn’t believe i was in springsteen’s stomping ground, especially as one of his song’s namesakes. 

saw southside johnny and the asbury jukes

saw a ship belonging to the spanish navy when it docked in charleston for a couple days

started my second long trip of the year

drove from dc to cleveland, first of all. i spent as much time as i could in the rock and roll hall of fame. i saw all the stuff i had learned about in my rock and roll history class and stuff i had grown up with and everything else i didn’t know about. “bruce juice,” pete seeger’s banjo head, and a couple free games of pinball were memorable moments. then, i went on to the cleveland museum of art, where i took a photo i wasn’t supposed to and recognized a couple pieces from my art class sophomore year. i loved cleveland way more than i thought i would and saw myself as a resident there.

went to cuyahoga valley national park the next morning, admiring the only national park in ohio with its waterfalls and greenery, and continued on to bowling green, kentucky. on the way, i went to kent state (which affected me more than i thought -- the military is too often a disgusting institution).

took a 4 hour tour deep into mammoth cave and saw things i couldn’t have even fathomed before. i couldn’t really wrap my head around the fact that we were underground where it is always dark yet still teeming with life. the change in humidity when coming back outside made my camera fog up for a good few minutes. it was funny, really. afterwards, i took advantage of the parts of mammoth cave national park that light does touch -- i got soaked in a rainstorm but seeing the green river and having a butterfly land on my finger were things i will always remember. wet and cold, i went on a second tour of a different part of the cave by lantern light in the evening. we saw cave graffiti and even a bat.

i left that area and moved on to the cumberland gap. it was the day before my 22nd birthday and i was in 3 states at once (for the second time this year). “salt seeking buffalo, moccasin clad warriors, dreaming pioneer, battling civil war soldiers. each was here in the historic cumberland gap, and now so are you.” [punctuation added] has got to be one of my favorite signs i’ve ever seen. it conveys the history in simple terms, which is the way i like things. it’s endlessly meaningful without being pretentious. 

on my birthday, i toured the forbidden caverns near the smokies, then hiked some of the alum cave bluffs trail. i wish i could have done the whole thing, but i was short on time, as i wanted to be back in charleston by the evening to celebrate my birthday with my parents. 

the day after, i slept in for once, went to the angel oak with melissa, and saw brian wilson and the gang perform all of pet sounds with callie. it was nice but there were so many empty seats that it was a little sad. 

started my travels again, going back to the smokies area but stopping in blowing rock first and then going down the blue ridge parkway. the next day, i went to pigeon forge and rode an alpine coaster and finally did a somewhat substantial hike in the smokies -- charlies bunion. i saw a mother bear and her 2 babies and was alone on the trail with a beautiful deer. after that hike, i did the tail of the dragon drive and went to fontana dam, where the fog along the water made for an otherworldly feeling in my heart. 

came back to charleston once again, but not before swimming around looking glass falls and feeling that this is what summer should look like. also made a stop at the carl sandburg home nhs.

started my drive back to dc for the last time, but took the scenic route -- south of the border, luray caverns, and the hardest hike i’ve ever done over in shenandoah. the famed old rag. it was a rainy tuesday, and the rocks were slippery. i didn’t see a single other person. i clutched those rocks for dear life at times, but i made that 10 mile hike and it was invigorating. i miss getting grimy in the forest. 

that whole trip took me 3,755 miles around the eastern us with my ipod, 60s on 6, and phlash phelps’s voice in the morning as my soundtrack. 

acknowledged in my head that it was nearly time to the leave the library, a home of mine for the past three and a half years. i told people the date of my departure and it inched closer despite my desire for time to stop progressing. 

had a tour of the towers of the national cathedral. it’s not something many people have done and i’m glad to have seen the not-so-showy parts of the structure, along with a closer-up look at the showy parts we know and love. 

had a visit from lauren -- we went to nando’s, the portrait gallery, and thrift shops with paige. i wish it would have lasted longer. 

went to six flags with my friend from work, where we rode every ride we wanted to. it was carefree, even though my pants ripped. 

my final day at the library inevitably came and went. instagram follows and facebook friends increased as i knew this was now the only way to see the people i had known for so long. i got choked up, and i’m choked up even writing this. to say i miss it is to put it very insignificantly. i have left some of myself there. 

went back to new york for a few days, where i met up with my father so that we could see a concert in central park celebrating the greenwich village folk scene of the 60s. the mc was richard barone, who we’d met 2 years prior when he gave us a tour of greenwich village. on that trip, i saw theodore roosevelt’s birthplace (thank god for him, sincerely), the cloisters, staten island again, the seinfeld restaurant, and even coney island. we took the bus back to dc and drove my ‘97 ford escort back to charleston.

for the few days i had in charleston before moving to orlando to work for disney, i hung out with people like old times. trivia, the beach, apartments. the circuit. 

i really fuckin moved to orlando, i guess. i moved in with 7 other people. we resort-hopped before we got our entrance passes to the parks. i felt mostly unmoved by the orientations that they try so hard to brainwash us with. i took a huge paycut coming here. 

i started working at the food and wine festival. goddamn, i miss working at epcot. i saw the groovin alps play their bavarian percussion music and i poured beer and served lobster rolls and korma chicken and lentil stew and everything in between. i met dozens of beautiful people, some of whom are gone back now to from where they came. but i’m still here. 

i mentioned earlier that paul simon announced back in june that his final concert would be in queens in late september. i bought a ticket the day they went on sale and was determined to find a way to attend. i did. i flew to new york for a few days -- came into penn station from newark, walked around to greenwich village and the brooklyn bridge and went to the museum of the moving image late in the evening on a friday when it was free. the next day, i visited the queens museum in flushing-meadows corona park (where the concert was also being held) and was in line for the show by 11:30am. i waited for like 8 hours in all, but i was front row. that final paul simon show (which we all know isn’t really the final one, but it did have a certain finality to it) was transformative for me, paul, and everyone else in the audience. i saw lorde, jimmy fallon, and john mulaney. i cried and was recorded and tapped along and admired the performances of “the cool, cool river” and “the obvious child” and every other goddamn song he played. i stuck around as long as i could. the next day, i flew back to orlando and returned to work, but i felt different. 

lived the typical life of a college program participant: work, go to the parks, work, go to the parks, sleep. 

voted somewhere along the way and was overjoyed that democrats took back the house. 

went to st augustine with sarah

eventually, the food and wine festival ended and i was transferred to port orleans riverside, where i currently am. it’s awful but i’m alive. 

spent thanksgiving, christmas, and every other holiday at work. it wasn’t really a big deal but it was obviously depressing. 

at the beginning of december, broke down and bought a plane ticket back to dc. i had to pick up a poster from the anthem (a music venue), anyway. i stayed with paige and saw my old work friends and just had a good time. goddamn, it was cold, but it was worth it. i finally was able to tour the department of the interior and and i went to theodore roosevelt island for the first time since like freshman year. we even saw zoo lights and went to the christmas pop-up bar on 7th street again. 

played basketball one time lmao

played jackbox countless times with my roommates and we made a few trips to jellyrolls, one of the best parts of disney world. i love to go there and sing and hear the piano.

spent new year’s eve at jellyrolls, coincidentally, where i stole a noisemaker and we all wore hats and sang “auld lang syne” when the clock struck midnight, just as you’re supposed to do. 

laughed and cried while going through so many large life changes but still understanding that there is always some sort of constant in your life

drove more than i think i ever have before

went to several of the concerts they had for the food and wine festival -- saw people like air supply, starship, and the plain white t’s

listened to countless hours of music -- i think my most listened-to artists were springsteen, dylan, paul simon, maybe david cassidy, old crow medicine show, and lorde. 

song of the year: “fare thee well (dink’s song),” marcus mumford and oscar isaac (from inside llewyn davis). it’s an incredible song to travel to.

was always conflicted about working for disney, but really became disgusted with the corporation the more i worked here. i will be happy to not work for them anymore when the time comes because it makes me so uncomfortable to be employed by an entity that doesn’t give a shit about its employees and milks every single fucking penny that it can out of its customers, all under the guise of being giving and magical by using terminology such as “interactions,” “magical moments,” and “guests”

considered my options after this is all over

loved the national park service and even wrote a capstone on it

2018 was the most eventful year of my life. i am not in school for the first time that i can remember; i have a degree. i travelled to more of the us than i ever knew really existed, i saw incredible concerts, and i met some truly wonderful people. but of course, the difficult moves that come along with a year like this were depressing. i knew i would be completely heartbroken when i had to leave the library back in august, but i didn’t realize how sorry i would also be to see my roommates go back to their homes at the end of their tenure at disney. it’s been 2 days, but i miss being able to hang out with them. to gain all the life experience i did, it was necessary to lose some really great parts of my old life. and that blew. but you get over it. 

this year in review has taken me so long to write because i had so much to include that it seemed overwhelming to try to articulate it all. i think back to when i would wait until the night before a paper was due to start it, and i feel the same way. but the power in finishing it and having something tangible that points to a certain time in your life and explains the way you felt at that moment is like nothing else. even if the paper you write is shit, it never seems as bad (at least, to me) when you return to read through it a year or two later. it’s your thoughts set in stone, frozen in time. it’s a nice reminder. and i really enjoy writing these posts and i generally like what i write and how i say things, despite the inevitable procrastination in doing so.

i always think of “auld lang syne” when i do a year in review. sure, it’s a standard song for the new year and these year in reviews are written on or around the new year. but to write this, i have to think back to days gone by, before the year even started. and i get this feeling in my stomach of nostalgia and wistfulness (i’ve written about it before, i know) reflecting on the good ol days of these past 365 days and the times before them. we live in strange times right now, especially during what has become a two-week long (and counting!) partial government shutdown, but the memories of the warm past and the dreams of a better future are always going to be around to steady your head. without the abstract, how would we get to the concrete?

“we all cherish our children’s futures. and we are all mortal.”

[sabertoothcattery]

The Boneyard

This is long and it is sad but I need to tell someone.

I woke up from nightmares to find it had rained last night and the snow was mostly gone. Today was my last chance to go in the woods before I go back to school so I suited up and went out. I walked along for a while in good spirits, finding nothing (except an occupied, smelly skunk den) and practicing tree ID. I found a deer trail and followed it around for a little while and suddenly I was standing on a pile of big black feathers. Some were over a foot long and they had the classic silvering underneath of vulture feathers. There weren’t a lot and there were no bones or blood or leavings, so I figured it probably got in a scuffle with something and flew off minus some feathers. I’ve seen that happen before.

I kept going and maybe half an hour later got down to the old cow pastures. There’s a lot of old wire on the ground there so I was watching my feet carefully and lo and behold. I found another, bigger and more spread out, clump of lost feathers. Some had meat on them still. No skeleton, no sign that anything had been feeding, etc. But I kinda figured this vulture hadn’t gotten out of its predicament. I felt really bad about that so I left the pasture area.

I went back down to the stream to check around the place I found the back half of a deer skeleton last year, and I found not only left behind vertebrae from that but a whole other deer. It was trapped among a bunch of rocks on the bank. I could see clear through its ribs, there were no organs or meat left on that side. The other side was fully furred and so was the head except the underside. It was a precarious position for me so I hauled it out to some flatter, drier land. I had to cut its head off to move it because it was trapped between some rocks. It had been frozen probably, and the blood had kind of mixed/congealed with snow to form a sort of “blood slushie.” What meat was left actually... looked edible.... so I think it was a winter casualty of the recent snowfall and freeze. Its head, like I said, was messed up so I didn’t mess with it too much bc brains are nasty, so I’m not sure if it was male or female. I left it for the spring to decompose and decided to call it Frosty.

I moved on and decided to go down to Vulture’s Fall, which is the place where I once found a vulture’s wing and sternum. I was told about this bit of woods by my uncle who said that’s where the vultures roost, and I had never questioned that because of the feathers and the tons of bones I’ve found there. That’s where I found Wing/Brains last year. 

At the entrance was a single vulture’s primary. Huge long thing. It felt like a sign of some sort but there were no skeletons in easy viewing so I poked around a bit investigating the decades’ worth of trash people have dumped there. Then I found another pile of feathers. Long and black. Bird poop on some of them. A few feet from that, another pile, older, and a sternum. Past that I saw what looked to be a pile of snow, but it was out of place in an area where the snow had been rained away so I went to check it out. A pile of paler, downy feathers, in that perfect circle a cat makes with its kill. Now I was a little suspicious, like, hey, maybe there’s a den of something here, I don’t want to bother it. But also like, what cat will take a vulture? We have feral cats, but I don’t know if they would, and there hasn’t been a bobcat sighted here since the 80s (it’s been in the family since the 50s so I count that reliable).

I was at the base of a hill now. I looked up and saw what was probably a bone so I went toward it. It was another big sternum, similar in size to the other and the one I found here before. Behind a bush, more feathers. 

And all the way up the hill it went like this. Clumps of feathers, snapped bones, even a pelvis. I found another wing, all together like the one I found last year. And I started getting scared, like, how many birds was this? Would a cat do this? Was it something that had kits nearby and felt threatened by all the birds that roost here? What can take down a vulture?

Then I found some non-bird bones. A little vertebrae and a pelvis snapped in half - a fawn from the size. I grabbed them up, thankful beyond words to find something that wasn’t dead vultures, and then I looked up the hill again and I knew. I knew what took down vultures. It was an old deer stand, and all around the base, a veritable boneyard. Three disembodied skulls, a half-rotted deer skeleton, another one down to bones, one that looked like it had been there for years, and one that looked fresh, skinned out but it wasn’t blackened or rotted yet, still some blood around. Its head was separated and lay near the half-rotted one. 

And all through this, piles and piles and piles of black feathers. Just absolutely covering the ground all around these skeletons. I dropped the bones in my hands and went down to the ground, just in shock. 

I realized I was just a little ways into the neighbor’s land, literally right on the edge of the boundary, but I could see the house and I was suddenly terrified I’d be seen and maybe shot at for finding this, so I retreated back. I grabbed the skulls with no bodies, they were green and sort of soggy and I figured they wouldn’t be missed and, like me, needed to be out of this place.

I ran all the way back to the entrance from our fields, skulls clutched to my chest, past all these piles of feathers. Panicking. Trying not to cry. I got back to “safety” and just fell to the ground and sobbed. First just because of the birds, all those birds, some probably crows and therefore legal to take, but the others so big and so clearly vultures and who could do that my neighbor could do that, and then because I looked at the skulls and saw they had full or nearly full sets of milk teeth, they were all fawns or yearlings and my neighbor with his ugly house and his loose dogs did that too.

I picked them up and took them home and took a hot shower and a nap and I’ve been in a funk all the rest of the day. It’s not the dump site that got to me, I’ve seen some before and while they’re eerie they’re not inherently terrifying. But the birds. All those birds. What reason is there to shoot vultures except that they’re big and scary-looking? I’ve heard people say it before, that they’d shoot them just because they’re “dirty” and “gross.” Because they’re scared of them. 

And I realized later that all the bones I’d found before weren’t from roosts. They were washed down the slope from the boneyard. The vultures don’t live there. They die there. 

I sat on the ground and cried and cried and cursed the people who live there. I haven’t cried like that since my cats died. Big hot grief tears. This wasn’t just death. It was a tragedy. When summer comes and there’s more cover I’m going to go back and take the others, and if I ever meet that man and his stupid dogs I don’t know what I’ll do. We don’t know him and I don’t have much to lose.

The deer I brought back are called Feather, Ring, and Valkyrie. Two does, and a male that may have had antlers but had all his milk teeth.