#wanna write but disassociating too much

[okeancs]

vibes ain’t it raw dogging life until friday so like this for a perce in your inbox

[averagelonelypotato]

thinking about him🫶

[laniemae]

“I think I have to climb to the top of the hill if I wanna see what's going on on the other side...”

Drew this through tears as an acceptance that Ojima will be the killer of this chapter and that he’ll die and I’ll never see him again.

Vent/rant under cut

——— I’m actually crying right now while writing this. I can’t see any other possibility where Ojima isn’t the killer. Just everything story wise and plot and symbolic wise makes sense. He’s already the prime suspect with his shaky alibi, him going to the medbay at midnight, the blood on Hiroaki’s bed where he slept for the night, his strange disassociating more than usual. 

At this point there’s so much evidence pointing towards Ojima being the one who killed Chiba I’m already grieving his inevitable death this trial. Just, even with the parallels between him and Chiba with the story time episode where he wrote a children’s book with her, hence the text in the art referencing that. And how that one time he talked during his dissociative haze he said the exact words that Chiba said to him while writing the book. I can only think of this as Ojima in shock with how he killed her. There’s also their parallels as well with both having sorts of age regression and coping by living through a childish fantasy lens. It’d be so sad thinking how that could be symbolic of Ojima killing a perception of himself. And with Ojima being a children’s book illustrator who had his childhood taken away from him and Chiba looking like a child and having a similar form of regression I can’t imagine how tragic this story would play out through with the trial. 

I really thought Ojima would have more time as I felt it’d be inevitable we’d get a breakdown scene with his PTSD and learning more about that story, but with how things are going I could imagine that happening during the trial. God I don’t even wanna imagine how his execution would be if it goes the route on playing up his trauma, these killing game staff are sadists and I could completely imagine them doing that, especially with the mention of working on the execution in the staffside.

I’m also in absolute tears over his relationship with Hiroaki. Just… purple is so devastating with the likely idea that Ojima is the killer, and even imagining if he already killed at that time. Them sharing an intimate moment and Hiroaki confessing how he’s so reliant and attached to him and how they’re basically codependent, and as well with how he’s almost finished the drawing for Ojima. When he’s the killer he’ll never be able to show it to him and he’ll have absolutely no one by his side anymore who cares about him or even loves him. It would be the most heartbreaking thing ever.

Ojima is such an incredibly amazing character like I’ve never seen before I can’t prepare for him to be the chapter 2 killer… he would’ve gone too early and I’m such despair. I’ll never be able to see him again in the series, he’ll never speak again I’ll never be able to get exited whenever an episode pops up in a thumbnail he’ll never dissociate again he’ll never be funny and sassy again he’ll never help Hiroaki to open up again he’ll never have a hilariously gay moment with Hiroaki again. He’s lived 16 years of his life going through the worst abuse a human could face, only for when he escapes to be dragged into a killing game and forced to commit a murder of someone who shares so much similarities with him. I’m already feeling the effects of his death a week before it happens and I’d rather fall into despair than yearn for hope only to have it taken away from me. I can’t imagine how I’ll be able to watch tetro with Ojima gone forever. I have been crying the entire day over this and my tears are making this hard to write.

[planete777]

NO ROLE MODELZ・⁠｡♪ LN4

( lando norris x fem!reader )

IN WHICH. lando can't help but be addicted to y/n, high and all.

WARNINGS. 16+, smoking and getting high, suggestive-ish, just high hotness

NOTE. a small something that i needed to write about lando. will i ever write anything else? who knows. let me know what you think <3

edit: i highly appreciate all ur kind words, however this is a secondary blog so i cannot reply to comments, but rest assured, i love reading them <3

--------------------------------------------

lando feels like he's in hell. blinks once, then twice, as if the lids of his eyes would wash away the red haze that weighs upon his sight with inclemency. it remains, however, like a vision straight from an inferno, although the heat that licks at his skin burns from the inside out, shredding inches of cooperation with it, and he curses sober him for leaving his leds on a permanent ferrari hue. the open window, a leeway for cooler air, deems fruitless upon his body, probably as red as the lights that succumb him to complete disorder.

his limbs feel disassociated, flowing without a sense of control, yet it excites him vehemently. the feeling of nothing but complete euphoria meandering and intoxicating him feels so fucking good, and he doesn't want it to end.

no pressure, flying without wings, he loves it so much that he's almost addicted. finds it ironic that the fear of being so inexplicably hooked unto something dwindles away when he realises that the bad feels, really, like the opposite.

movement comes from beside him, then a few seconds later, the biting smell of smoke crawls into his nose, and if he had any prior disdain towards it, he doesn't show as his body melts with a sigh. his fingers tremble as his arm raises, and the girl beside him slots the cig between his fingers.

"you're a fucking goner, aren't you?" her words are slurred, not as much lando thinks his would be, but she still sounds confident. his lips curl upwards and he hums, turning his head to meet her too-perfect side profile, tracing every peak and dip with his eyes.

"feel like i'm fucking ascending."

"good," she assures, then as the song bleeding through his bluetooth speaker slides into another, he watches as her eyes shut and her lips smile.

he wonders how someone infiltrated with obscenity, sin, can look so beautiful drenched in red. it pulls him in, makes his heart twist like never before, and his whole being knows he needs her. she equates to freedom, to a life that stings with too much addictive liberation that lando would cry if she were to disappear.

his eyes never leave her. not when her lips move to sing the lyrics of j cole, neither when her fingers, smooth and warm, tangles in his, moving it towards her mouth before taking a drag. the view before lando is so fucking hot, his heart collapses in his chest and the bliss that wires his brain squeezes it tighter.

then he feels her body move on top of his, striking every nerve ending in his flesh and his eyes open as fast as they can in his inebriated state. she's just as high as he is, eyes red (to be frank, he can't tell whether it's from the lights or not) and nearly shut, but she grins as her hips rests on his and god, does lando's mind short circuit. there's so much friction and heat that he can't move, and he just half-liddedly stares at her as she takes another drag.

"feels good, doesn't it?" she asks, all loopy and hot. he wants to cry.

"so fucking good." his mouth moves on its own accord.

she smiles, and she's singing again.

'don't save her, she don't wanna be saved.'

then her hand moves the cig to his lips and he sucks in as much smoke as he can. it burns his throat, like an open fire tickling his insides, and he needs to cough, but doesn't, going to blow it out. as he does so, she leans forward, warm, soft lips open around his own and takes it right into her mouth.

lando feels everything and nothing. feels the way his hands come up to her waist and squeeze the flesh there with much familiarity, but it's also as if there's nothing there as his movements are so weak, he might as well have no hands at all. he's scorching all over, and it feels so good, so so good, that he can do nothing but close his eyes and let her continue to suck his soul out of his chest.

[jackdaniel69nice]

@khonaker I have to be careful writing this one because Mrs Midnight makes me too emotional.

While tokoyami finds his alignment more in touch with literature, dark shadow is drawn to art. So of course Mrs Midnights art history class is their favorite. They love Mrs Midnight, she is always so sweet to them and even lets them be out during class. They have made lots of drawing to give to her and chat about all different time periods, styles, and regions of art. She also has a sadistic side and “enjoys tormenting her opponent” which dark shadow also has fun doing >:)

She has a reputation for being a very good listener and open to all kinds of problems. When someone is struggling with something embarrassing (such as nsfw, lgbtq, and romantic topics) she is someone that it feels ok to talk about those things with. We know she gives good advice and uplifts and inspires her students. Tokoyami has probably talked to her about such subjects before although he’s too focused on his hero work than to worry about romance.

While the audience usually sees nemuri in the light of her hero persona I like to think she is much more calm and motherly towards her students in one on one interactions. She is the fun and free spirit of UA which contrasts aizawa’s strict nature.

Nemuri adores shadow because they are cute and feisty. She loves their enthusiasm and vigor and how much they love participating in class.

She thinks tokoyami is to mature for his age and want him to have some fun and relax more, act like a kid. She tries to encourage some playfulness in him with the help of shadow and get him to be a little more reckless. It’s not very effective but toko tries to take her advice as much as he can. Maybe he does a couple things to be a bit more rebellious now.

She also tells him not to be so afraid of consequences for mistakes, has a lot of fear for hurting people and that seems to control a lot of his actions. Once again he’s not going to get over his traumas immediately but he’s slowly working on them.

.

.

.

I don’t really wanna write about her…loss but I suppose I can say something.

They were devastated obviously upon the news. There is guilt because they went to save hawks instead of rejoining their class and if they had been there would she have lived? Did she have to die in order to save hawks? but mostly there is grief, intense loss. Tokoyami disassociated as first and focused on being rational and calm, he tries to comfort his classmates…and shadow. Shadow cries, cries, and cries and is also so very angry, angry at who did this. It takes time for them to heal and gain some semblance of normalcy again. They can’t think about their favorite class without hurting and missing her so much.

Toko only allows himself to break down when he is in his room. Sometimes this frustrates shadow but they are familiar with Tokoyami’s suppression at this point and doesn’t hold it against him. He thinks he has failed by not listening to her as well as he should have. He regrets not getting closer to her before she was gone. It hurts, shadow holds him while they cry, maybe they are holding each other.

Shadow makes drawing for her still and puts them on her memorial. Someone collects them and puts them in a binder before they can be destroyed by the elements but I’m not sure who. Toko names his new sword “Midnight” after her.

[darkbluekies]

Hello there! It's good to be back, didn't expect to be gone for like I think two whole weeks or three but oh well and hmm! Let's see if you're right about that! I love him a lot and he is, in fact my darling but I do have a trait in me that he would dislike (greatly, even.)

Silas:

Male Yandere characters [most to least]

Pros — Obedient ((just like you, I'm also terrified.)) a introvert and likes to be in my room 24/7 .. would enjoy being in his house more if provided an art room, also I hate being in pain too and I think I'd have a heart attack if I ever tried to escape.

Cons — I have anger issues and get overwhelmed easily+ other mental health problems like my BPD, I might split on him [ a term where people with BPD can only see white ((good)) or black ((bad)) and not in the grayish area or the in-between of good and bad.)) and that probably might anger him and be sent to the basement ☠️ and I hate pain so much so I'd probably get a mental breakdown and start cursing at him —

Dr Kry: ((suprised he's second?? Unless..))

Pros — I have a lot of similarities with him > loves cooking, gardening, light exercise, reading books and because he's a doctor and my dream job is to be a psychiatrist, I would probably rant to him about the things I've studied and accomplished with my major.

Cons — unless he's giving my break a body and be able to do house chores for some entertainment and stimulation, I am extremely defiant and I don't like really like someone treating me like a hopeless, dumb doll. I don't consider myself smart but I don't wanna be treated like I'm some dumb guy 😭 I'd only love him truly if he doesn't continue poisoning me and treating me like a naive, hopeless doll.

Would still love him, from afar that is, anyone being his darling and being defiant, just goodluck to y'all 😭

King Edmund: [ platonic ]

Pros — you mentioned her shows more of his human side and is less yandere-ish with male readers, I suppose that's the con, interested in his kingdoms history and I guess... We could possibly be friends?? However,

Cons — I am terrified of him. I don't know if it's any different with male readers but if he ends up killing someone because of me, I would consider my friendship with him. I do not wanna be friends with an unstable guy 😭

If he doesn't, well.. when he gets a wife, I'll probably guide him with his relationship and if that gets me killed, could be the best ending because would he even let go of a male reader??😭 Unsure, I don't really read his stories as often as the other male characters

Female characters [ most to least , also platonic since I'm attracted to men. ]

Hedwig:

Pros — I feel like I'd be the safest with her out of all yanderes, I would love being spoiled by her ((I'll likely get uncomfortable at first but would get used to it.)) and having a friend around with me

Cons — my social battery tends to drain easily and with how clingy she is, it'll drain me more. I also hate prioritizing other people when my social battery is this low unless it's urgent/important (like me being concerned for a friend or so due to several reasons like mental health or my job.) so if I was forced to put my attention towards her, I would get really annoyed and be a bit more forward.

Jerry:

Cons — ...I don't think there's any pros for me, in fact, she's the one I actually fear the most. I wonder if she'd treat me differently if she knows I'm trans, as in ftm, like treating me softer compared to cis guys because I understand being a woman is hard.. especially the periods, god. Her aggressive humors scares me, a lot and if she shows me what she does while working, I wouldn't take it well and disassociate and if I were to form some unhealthy attachment with her or at least a bond, my BPD would get triggered due to how she shows her love and I would split on her 24/7 thinking she hates me and wants me dead.

Well, that took quite the time to write. Let me know if you need more information on BPD, I don't think I wrote it well, it's... 4 am for me and my eyes are as dry as the sahara dessert. I need to use my glasses more when I'm not going out somewhere.

—🌊

I am surprised that he is second not going to lie lmao, i really thought that he would be your number one!

it's so interesting to read and see how different people fit the different yanderes since Y/N is more of their own character rather than ourselves haha, it puts things in another perspective! I liked to read this <3333

Edmund isn't less yandere with men, just in a friend way. Like "you are my friend only I will not share you with anyone else, you can only have me as your best friend" and will not accept his best friend spending time with anyone but him, wanting Edmund to be his only friend, kind of thing. He is just as controlling, just as entitled. Be sure that Edmund wouldn't kill any darling, platonic or romantic! You will stay with him until the end of time because you are the only one that knows his real side :D

As for Jerry, I can say that she is the number one OC when it comes to trans/nonbinary etc things. She is the least judging, most understanding. She would most likely treat you like she treats all guys so be prepared for some sudden playfights :D

[kirans-wonderland]

Hi! I had a fun idea! I didn’t see a character limit, so I’m going to request a small thing for all the boys (you can choose whomever you wanna write for if there is a character limit, but at least have Lilia please :’) )

Let’s say every time it’s someone’s birthday, the prefect gives the birthday boy a kiss on the cheek as “it’s tradition where I’m from~”

Hi Anon! This is such a cute request <3. Thank you for sharing it! This is the third thing I’ve written about kissing Lilia in less than two days- what is happening with me. >:)

~~~~~

A Kiss for the Birthday Boy~

“Happy Birthday!!” You cheered for the boy of the hour and *mwah* kissed him on the cheek. “Just a little thing we do where I’m from~” 

~~~~~

Lilia:

Surprised for an instant 

immediately becomes cheeky 

He chuckles and smirks 

“Heheheh~ I am curious as to know more about your little tradition… perhaps you should demonstrate it again~” 

~~~~~

Riddle: 

The boy is a tomato 

Stuttering and stammering all over the place 

Congratulations! You broke him 

“I- Rule 4- uhm 4-45! No public displays of a-affection in the gardens! On a.. a Wednesday!!”(He’s grasping at straws here) 

Trey:

It definitely surprises him 

He puts and hand over his face trying to cover his flushed cheeks and laughs 

He doesn’t know what to do guys he’s caught of guard

“Wow- thank you (y/n), it means a lot.” *cue the sweet boi smile* 

Cater:

“Wait Wait Wait do it again!” 

You’re confused but do it again 

*click* aaaaand he took a picture 

“Wait till my followers see that I got a kiss from THE prefect~” 

“Cater- put the phone down” 

Ace: 

Cocky cocky cocky 

Boy did you activate this mans ego 

“Are you sure you didn’t just want an excuse to kiss me~?” *eyebrow wiggle* You turn around to walk away. “NO WAIT (Y/N) COME BACK!” 

Deuce: 

You broke him too 

You’d swear he had completely disassociated from reality 

“Hello? Earth to Juiceeee??” Shut up Ace 

His face suddenly takes on a look of determination and his kisses your cheek back 

“Uh- I um- you- uhhhhh-“ he cannot form words 

Leona: 

Honestly surprised he showed up for the event 

He pretends to be disgusted swatting you away like you’re a fly 

“Yeah yeah just don’t do it again herbivore.” 

He actually does want you to do it again :/ 

Ruggie: 

Happy boy happy boy happy boy 

Immediately holds his cheek like he doesn’t want the feeling to go away 

Teasing teasing teasing 

“Shishishi looks like you finally stole something from me.” 

Jack: 

The man goes stifffff 

He turns his head away to save face (he’s blushing)

Don’t look now but his tail is wagging 

“That’s- yeah- … thank you.” 

Azul: 

You’re breaking so many boys 

He tries to be so calm and composed but the red shade of his face betrays him 

“Well- *clears throat* that was unexpected prefect… But d-don’t think that’s any sort of payment!” 

Jade: 

He’s pleasantly surprised 

His eerie smile never leaves his face

“Oh? What an interesting custom. Why don’t you tell me more?” 

Floyd: 

Smiles with allll his sharp teeth 

He’s a gigglin

“Ohh shrimpy~ I think you missed~” 

Run. Start running. You are no longer safe. He’s chasing you.

Kalim: 

Happy happy happy!!!

immediately grabs your face to kiss your cheek back. 

REALLY?? THATS SO COOL!!” he’s literally beaming

Jamil: 

shook 

You kissed him? Him!?! 

He doesn’t really know what to do or what to say. 

“Oh.” 

Give him a break. This is new to him. 

Vil:

He’s used to attention but not quite this type of attention 

As long as you didn’t mess up his makeup, you’re fine 

Takes out a mirror to check if you left a mark (lol) 

“Hmm thank you. Your gesture is much appreciated dear.” 

Rook: 

Immediately grabs your hands with a smile that’s kinda scary- 

Starts muttering rapidly in fluent French before he says anything intelligible

“Mon Dieu! It’s Magnifique! What a tradition!!” 

He’s loud and dramatic about it

Epel: 

He’s a mix of shock/confusion and cocky 

He grabs your shoulders and shakes you aggressively 

Now you’re confused 

“EY- YOU CANT JUST GO ROUND DOIN SUMTHIN LIKE THAT” 

“But you could do it again… i-if you wanted.” 

Idia: 

I see two possibilities for this 

1. He actually leaves his room for the party 

Idia.exe has shut down 

You absolutely fried him 

I quote him from the ghost marriage event “Dude, I will literally DIE if we smoocharoo”

2. He sends his tablet in his place 

You kiss the screen 

Now he can die happily in the comfort of his own room 

Either way he’s a sputtering mess

Ortho: 

Happy babey happy babey 

He’s floating circles around you 

“I have to go tell my brother!!” 

Malleus: 

He’s immediately all smiley 

He grabs your hand and places a kiss to your knuckles 

“I quite enjoy your homelands tradition my Child of Man, may I attempt it?” 

Yes please do

Silver: 

He was asleep and your kiss woke him up (sleeping beauty much?)

“What? Oh. Thank you.” 

He kisses your forehead

“It is only right that I return the gesture” 

Sebek: 

He has to buffer for a second before

Oml the volume-

“I APPRECIATE YOUR TRADITION, BUT PLEASE REFRAIN FROM DOING SUCH THINGS IN THE EYES OF THE PUBLIC AND MASTER MALLEUS” 

It’s because you did this before the hand holding stage- so inappropriate 

[loudstan]

this message is kinda long, but

i’m not ashamed for the insane amount of times i’ve re-read all your stories, and i’ll gladly read it all again. also, i’ve read that lele teaser and gosh, i love how your brain works. actually, can i kiss your brain rn? your fics are the cure to my insanityyyy. kidding aside, your fics are what helps me keep everything together, since studying and being in uni has been beating the shit outta me. it’s so nice to just disassociate from the outside world sometimes ya know? no words can even explain whatever level of happiness i experience when i read your works. i also wanna say that you’re so talented, i’m lucky to be able to live the same century with you and read all your stories. you the best writer i’ve ever came across and thank you for doing what you love and loving what you do. i’m so excited for the lele fic, lovelots🫶

NEVER send me messages like this because I will end up believing I have the required skills and I'll try to write a damn book

I'm joking! when I read this I almost teared up a little. Idk why it made me emotional that someone liked something I did that much. I'm not a pro, and this is all smutty fantasy in the end so I know it is not that good. Like...it's not proper literature, but it brings me joy and you guys like it too so...idk it made me happy and I questioned if I should actually write a fantasy novel one day.

I hope you get enough sleep and eat well to keep yourself healthy! Uni is important, but you are more important!

[legacyshenanigans]

Bare with me... I'm feeling the big sentimental

I can't express to you how much Marvolo means to me, the emotional connection I have to him I've never felt for another fictional character.

No matter what happening in my life I can just look at a photo of Volo and it physically heals me (my favourite ones are those where he is smiling)

Anytime I need to disassociate from my real life I come here, like when I thought that you left for good and won't be posting anything at all I have to literally sit and think what I would do to escape to someplace better. (but also thankfully you didn't delete the blog entirely)

I lost all my photos a while back god knows how... And one of the main reasons I was sobbing my eyes out at midnight was that I had so many photos of Marvolo and Rowan and I lost them all.

There aren't many places in real life where I feel safe... Your blog is one of the few where I do, feel safe to say the first thing that comes to my mind (even if they are mostly horny thoughts heh)

I feel like I have said so much yet I still want to say more...

The main thing is that you've felt safe since day 1 and I can count on my hands how many people in my life have made me feel that way

I can't see through the tears anymore so I'm going to end it here <33

Love you so much

Wolfy 🐺

I cannot fucking express right now how much this ask touched me. I swear to god, im speechless. 🥺

What lovely words to tell me, Wolfy 💕

I was never going to go forever in general, just from HL stuff.

Your support and love has been amazing, and I really appreciate it, like, A LOT 💜

I'm so happy that my little world helped you in some way, hearing that makes me smile. 💚

BIG love to you, Wolf, seriously ❤️🤍

Also,

I do remember at one point that I had said if I left the HL fandom, I'd be taking my blog with me.

I've since realised I don't want to do that because of the bond I have to this blog now and you guy's.

Tbh, the last few days was mainly me saying goodbye to HL side of things. Because I'm not going to be posting HL content anymore (aside from a few audio's that I may make to use up my 11labs letters, then after that, I won't be posting the HL stuff anymore. And at first I thought that was also going to include my OC stuff, i'm still on the fence about what I wanna do regarding content on my OC's, but i'm happy posting murder hubby pics for now, I will make some audio's of him too, I still don't know if its worth me writing anything currently, and I wanted to take a break from doing written posts anyway for the time being, I really don't know what I wanna do.

All I know is that RIGHT now, my heart is still VERY invested in my creation of Marvolo, and tbh, Rominis too (Ominis being the only HL character I still care about because of what i built with him and Rowan) so it's hard to decide what I want to do right now in regards to written posts. I've had so many people reach out and tell me to stay and JUST write Marvolo / OC stuff if that's what makes me happy, and I mean, they're right, I should just do whatever I want, but my brain isn't my friend at the moment.

I've got pictures to post, and those 11labs letters to use, I'm just kinda taking each day as it comes to see what I want to do.

I've also had people tell me my HL love might spark again when HL2 comes out, which let's be real, isn't going to be for a long time I reckon, but yeah, I'm going to keep this blog up definitely, and I'm still going to be around ❤️

Sorry to blabber on 😅

[jazzyblusnowflake]

(If this was asked before, I swear to god.) FullCompany (NUziVJ) Headcannons?

aaaaaaaaa time to write once more- i missed being able to type away like the lil shit i am-

anyhow- okay lets see- gonna add some things here- tbh my ideas was mostly for Jenvy ideas mainly- but i guess ill fit Uzi in there lol

Some JeNVUzi HCs:

[once again- Drone au only, and maybe minor suggestive content but not nsfw]

The polycule is essentially formed around Uzi pulling them back together-

J's original reason for siding with Cyn which was rooted in fear- was on the basis that she still had her team on her side so she could keep them safe and so theyd have eachother to rely on even after Cyn destroys everything. she did not however, account for Uzi coming along and messing everything up and ruining her team's alignment while she was "dead".

the entire reason J tried to kill N or V at any time was cuz she knew a clone of them would be sent back anyway- she has basically become desensitized towards death in general given she had also died around 12 times herself [canon]- V and N try to help her through this- during which they also deal with Vs behavior and Ns trauma too.

to communicate with J they often had to spar with her- seeing as she hated talking about feelings- but this became their own thing they all did afterwards to unwind and communicate- as J opened up a lot easier after feeling like she was reached out to.

Uzi and J bond over anime and gaming- the latter being somewhere J could actually use her anger on more effectively XD

they all like reading books every now and then where one would read and the others snuggle or cuddle- they take turns. [this is from their manor days]

J is... unable to emote or show emotion easily and it eats her alive. she can't show the appropriate needed emotion to the mood of the room and it makes her have breakdowns- occasionally throw up- as though you are desperately trying to cry but the tears wont come so you try heaving it out- make yourself fit in and look normal by trying to FEEL something- but she cant. J is a dated business model drone- custom made for office work- she was made to be this way- Cyn didn't change her- and she grows to hate herself for it. so when a situation happens that she doesn't know how to react, she leaves or hides- until N,V or Uzi find her- usually disassociating or somewhat catatonic.

Uzi occasionally feels out of place with the group, as though she's just being a literal 4th wheel, since they have history together. the others try to show her that she is important to them each in their own ways-

addressing the elephant in the room- yes, it took a long time for N and J to come to terms with eachother- J eventually accepting that her original reason for hating N [him being better than her or preferred over her esp by Tessa] wasn't important anymore- and tries to appreciate him and V and Uzi more in whatever is left of her life.

make no mistake V and J are still very much bitchy on a surface level- just cuz they are all growing close does not mean they are all now lovey dovey with eachother or sweet and character-redemption-ed with everyone around them. therefore: "playful catfights" >:3 !

V and Uzi tease J alot- this is one of the reasons why J found more comfort with N- not gonna tell him to his face tho lol.

J teaches N to draw better and they bond over that alot-

Uzi and J like attention alot- and they wanna get it by being as wordless as possible- very cat coded.

Uzi, V and N like to drag J into doing more normal things that have less to do with work. so far J has mostly shown some interest in writing and maybe poetry but she WILL shoot your head off if you try to read her stuff-

J's first kiss was with Uzi- N and V having kissed once back at the manor being eachothers first kiss. J thinks V kisses the best tho lol.

N and V like to cuddle a lot- J and Uzi are usually dependent on mood-

V likes to bite- J likes to be bitten, N and Uzi like both- :3

J likes playing with N and Uzi's fluffy hair. V only lets N touch her hair.

during intimate cuddles- J has passed out the most lol. Uzi following a close second lol-

Uzi and J yap alot about tech work-

hmm this is all i can think about for NOW-

:"3

[ghossttoast]

Are we connected?

Chapter four: More social interaction then a depressed teenager can handle

first ,previous

(A/N: This chapter was going to be longer but i literally just couldnt sorry if the cutoff point is wonky but i need to stay on schedule there is a non zero chance i get grounded so if i miss an update or three you'll know why BUT grounded or not the next chapter will be decently long. Slightly extra but if/when I ever write another fic it is going exclusively on my ao3 linking all the previous chapters is so much work holy)

They wandered around town, once again talking to literally everyone they could, much to their dismay, having to socialize with this many people was awful. Having to be out this much was so odd to them, they only people they’d ever hung out with were Asriel, December, and Noelle, and they hadn't done that in a long time. It's not like they were against having friends again, but none of this was their choice. They had honestly mostly been disassociating, it wasn't like they had to pay attention when they weren't the one deciding where they were going or responding to any conversation.

“S-Susie!?” A high-pitched voice dragged them out of their thoughts.

“Noelle!” The voice in the back of their head spoke up, “Hell yeah, I was hoping to see you!”

“W-what are you doing here!?” She asked, ignoring the fact Kris was also there, but that's fine, not like they care or anything.

“I’m just following Kris” Susie shrugged, “I think we’re here to see your dad… again” She didn't seem too thrown by that at least.

“Oh… really?” Noelle apparently did, though, “That's really thoughtful of you Kris,” She smiled at them.

“It makes sense, Kris is weird like that,” Susie spoke idly, earning another look from Noelle.

Noelle knows Kris, she knows that they’re weird, but she knows they’re not weird ‘like that’. Noelle knows what Kris would normally be doing on a weekend, and that's laying in their bed, not walking around talking to people, not visiting her dad. Kris knows she knows this, they know she can tell they’re being different, and they can't tell her why. They want to tell her, they want to ask for help, but they can't say anything, they’re stuck in their own body.

Noelle looked as if she was about to comment on it but cut herself off as Susie turned to actually look at her, “I’m gonna go talk to my dad now!” She said, moving just fast enough to not be running into the hospital.

Kris, of course, followed her inside, messing with the piano and the lady at the front desk before going into Rudy’s room.

“Hey Krismas!” Rudy called from his bed, “Noelle said you were gonna show,” He grinned “And Susie, cool to see you again, I’m sure that’ll be more common,” He laughed, or wheezed

“D-dad!” Noelle squealed, smacking him on the shoulder

“Huh…?” Luckily for Noelle, Susie didn’t seem to understand what Rudy was implying

“Nothing, nothing,” Rudy said, his voice holding that wheezy laugh

“Ugh, Rudy, I love you, please don't die, I’d be very sad,” The player’s voice echoed in the back of Kris’s mind, and they tried to will it into shutting up. Rudy wasn't going to die. Kris had known him their whole life, and he was always strong, he was just a little sick right now, but he wasn't going to die. Kris didn't even want to think about what that would do to Noelle.

They walked over to go talk to Noelle and Rudy until the player had exhausted all the dialog options given to it. Kris is incredibly glad its limited to just that, they have no idea what it would do if it was given totally free rein, and they don't want to.

After The Player had double-checked, it had interacted with everything it could, Kris, finally, headed towards the door.

“Oh Kris, wait!” Noelle called, just as they were about to leave, “Would you wanna hang out at my place later, after you're done with… whatever it is you’re doing I mean, Susie can come to- If she wants!” She added the last bit quickly, her face getting red.

“No way, Holiday house!” The Player cheered, immediately deciding for them that they would be going.

“Great!” Noelle smiled at ‘Kris’s’ response, “I’m gonna hang out with dad a bit more, but I’ll be waiting by the gate whenever you’re ready” She finished

Kris nodded as they left the room, turning to Susie once they both left the building

“Do you wanna come?” They asked her

“Uh, I could.” She started, seemingly a bit caught off guard, “It doesn't seem like she likes me very much, I think I scare her” She finished, looking away “Susie, stop being STUPID” The Player yelled, which Kris honestly agreed with, Noelle was incredibly obvious with her feelings. To be fair, Susie was also incredibly dense.

“She likes you,” Kris informed her

“You think…?” She asked, more so to herself.

The pair went back to walking for a bit, eventually reaching Flower king. Kris stepped inside, looking at all the various things around the entryway.

“Are we like supposed to be in here?” Susie asked, “Don't get me wrong, I'm all good with breaking and entering, just wanna be prepared if we gotta fight the cops,” She finished, slamming her fist into her hand with a grin.

As she finished, one of the doors to the back opened, causing her to sort of bunch up in shock.

“Hello? Is someone there?” Asgore asked, as he walked into the main area, “Oh, Kris, howdy” He greeted them as he walked over, looking as if he was about to go in for a hug but stopping himself before awkwardly patting them on the head instead.

“Aw, no Asgore hug” The Player complained, “Dude honestly one of those would fix me” It added, Kris disagrees, they don't think anything could fix it.

“Oh uh-” Asgore paused as he noticed Susie, “Howdy, I’m Asgore, Kris’s dad,” He introduced himself, holding his hand out to her.

“Uh, Susie sir,” She paused before taking his hand and getting a firm handshake from him

“Ah, good to meet you! Kris, I’m glad you’re bringing your friends around, feel free to stay for as long as you like,” He told them with a grin

They nodded and looked around the back, now that those doors were open, before heading back out. They headed towards the water and stood on the weird circle, staring down.

“Onion-san summoning,” The Player said to itself, but after a while nothing had shown up “Abandonment,” it sighed.

“Hey Kris, check this out!” Susie called as she tossed a rock into the water, creating a small splash, “Nice, right?” She asked with a smug look on her face.

Kris paused before crouching down and finding a rock of their own, they ran their hand over its surface and mimicked the motion of throwing it before tossing it out, watching it as it skipped across the water.

“Woah sick!”

“Oh nice!”

Exclamations rang out, close to being in sync and, despite their disdain for one of the voices, Kris was proud to hear people actually being impressed by them.

“Dude, where’d you learn to do that!?” Susie asked, shoving them slightly, “You gotta quit hiding skills from me!”

“My brother taught me a while back,” They shrugged, thinking back on the memory, it was a while back, a good few years ago by now. Kris and Asirel’s parents had been encouraging them to go out more, looking back they probably didn't want them to be in the house while they argued, Asriel would stop by the Holiday’s house and bother December into coming out with Noelle. They’d all gone to various spots around town, but they specifically remembered that time by the water, Asriel was showing off by skipping as many rocks as far as he could. Kris remembers it being so cool to watch, and they had bothered him until he actually showed him how, they’d ended up spending a couple of hours out there until Kris was sure they had perfected it.

It was a nice memory, of course, but it felt so bittersweet now, Asriel was away at college, they hadn't really been talking to Noelle, and Dess was… gone. Kris wishes they could go back to how things were, when they were younger.

“Hey, Kris, You good?” Susie questioned, waving her hand in front of their face.

“Huh?- Yeah.” They blinked, “Yeah, I’m fine”

“You looked… down,” She said, taking a step back so she wasn't so close to their face

“Don't worry about it,” They waved her off

“If you say so,” She muttered, shoving her hands into her pockets

Kris nodded as they went back to walking, making their way towards the diner. The building was mostly empty, save for a froggit and a mouse(?) in an abnormally tall hat sitting at the bar, and the rabbit woman behind it.

“Oh, Kris, hey sugar, welcome back,” She smiled warmly at them “I see you brought a friend,” She said gesturing to Susie, who waved awkwardly. She paused for a second before continuing, “Today's a slow day, why don't you two go take a seat in the corner, and I’ll bring you some hot cocoa on the house,” She offered.

“Oh hell yeah, cocoa!” The player said, immediately moving to pick yes.

[msallurea]

Gurl I don't know how am I gonna get over this, I've been having an unstoppable intrusive thoughts for a while, my family was always fighting I can't sleep, opening tumblr and seeing int he news feed saying manifestation isn't real but actually is but I'm kinda triggered, idk how am I gonna handle this, I'm feel like falling apart for a while, I'm feeling tortured.

To help with intrusive thoughts, something that clears my mind is either crying til I feel better or writing everything I feel out or both at the same time. Though it's intense the clearness afterwards is rewarding. As fir fighting and not being able to sleep, if u can get noise canceling headphones and wear them or u can try what I call a tuning out exercise. As someone who maladaptive daydreams due to trauma and anxiety, this is something I do naturally when my stress is too high. What u wanna do is focus all your attention on what's going on in ur head even if u hear all the arguing in the background. If you can visualize take yourself somewhere in your mind, it can be anywhere, focus your attention entirely on making that scene either as vividly or as ideally as possible. If you can't visualize have a inner convo with yourself or focus on the black behind your eyes and imagine it swallowing you up being like a blanket of peace. When focusing on the black behind your eyes your gonna bring attention to relaxing each part of your body OR relaxing the part of your body with the most tension. For me when I've done it I focus on my heart because when I'm too stressed hy heart and stomach hurt the most. Eventually it gets to a point where you've focused on it so well that despite any noise outside of you you've already tuned it out unless of course you bring your attention back to the arguing in the background. There are side effects to this though, you could develop maladaptive daydreaming if u don't do that already, you could end up talking to yourself much more if you're the type to affirm out loud or have your inner convo out loud also you could develop being disassociate from reality. All this thing I already have on my own due to me being on schizophrenic spectrum and as a neurodivergent my escapism tendencies as u can see play a part in this. But this is why Journaling was my second option for you. When Journaling focus on everything you're writing sometimes you cam find key reoccurring things that your mind thinks and u may not even be aware of it but it gives you an idea on what you should work on mentally.

As for your manifesting issue, I'll tell you like I've told myself when I once deleted tumblr, if you're doubting manifesting because of someone else perspective and experience on it then you've already failed from the start. You're basing your manifestation experience through another person's lenses and that's why you yourself are doubting. You will never ever know if manifestation truly works if you don't apply it for yourself and not just think whether or not it works based on someone else's success or "failure"

[thedivided]

Blood, mild gore, kidnapping and general Creepypasta warnings. This is my take on a ‘Slender Mansion’ au by the way. Actual art is after the writing!!

Pristine white snow crunched under your boots as you trekked back to the infamous manor, hand clutching your bloodied side as the cold nipped at your skin.

The trees always attempted to convince you someone was hiding behind its old branches. The wind always tried to tell you the footsteps that you hear aren’t your own.

This forest was disorienting. As was the one who practically ruled over it.

You regret joining this murderous cult disguised as ‘spooky stories coming true’. Your eyes were clouded by judgement and possible Stockholm syndrome, and you’d became attached to people who only pretended to love you.

Now, you’re surprised if one doesn’t snap at you, or if you don’t get stabbed.

You truly, deeply regret this.

The sleepless nights plaguing your mind with the gore you’ve been desensitized to, the nauseating headaches and profuse nosebleeds, the overwhelming amount of medication you need to take to just stand from the pure affect this sickness has on you, and the horrible memory loss are just the tip of the iceberg.

The rude, hostile and warped faces of people who would kill you without a second thought. The run-down walls, and rusted pipes and unsanitary amount of dishes piled and mold gathered.

All of this is what you expect to wake up to. So, no matter how many times you’ll sob at night, silent so nobody hears, missions are something you jump at.

Your clothes are blood-stained, your shoes are covered in something you are going to scrub clean off the moment you can, your head is pounding and your throat feels full.

The mission did go successfully, and you had grabbed the necessary information for It. And as sickening as it is to admit, the violence helped you blow off some steam as you disassociated.

The snow removed the blood from the bottom of your jeans and the soles of your shoes, and you were so focused on keeping steady footing in the blizzard you’d failed to notice the figure ahead until you bumped right into it.

Into her.

Looking up, you’d see an all too familiar face, with axe injuries that are only there because the perpetrator was having a bad day.

Diana. The girl you’d been with when this all started.

That goddamn night walk. You both had just been chatting, with her holding a cracked phone with a paused song and one of your flashlights, when it had all started spiralling.

You can barely remember anything anymore, but that day has stuck with you, no matter how much you desperately try to forget it.

The sound of the thrown axes hitting their targets. The strangled cry. The fact that no matter how hard she sobbed, or begged you to help, you ran.

She seems to notice the recognition on your face, because she speaks in an unimpressed tone. “With the amount of useless shit you forget, i’m surprised you remember me.”

You try to speak, to reply, but all that comes out of your throat is a small noise.

“Don’t bother. I don’t wanna hear about how ‘you didn’t mean it’, or ‘it was in the moment’.” She scowled, “That moment costed me my life. Both of us our lives.”

A sharp inhale was taken by the dead girl, and she looked down at you. “You never had it easy, i know. But i’d been helping you for almost a decade. Getting you resources, helping you save up money, getting you out more. And my repayment?”

Diana scoffed, wiping some dried blood that trailed from her lips. “You left me for dead in that goddamn forest. And then you joined them. The ones that killed me and kidnapped you.”

A series of short coughing fits came from the ghost as she near keeled over, dark blue sleeve stained with blood.

As she regained her breath, a phrase that made you pause rang out, despite the harsh whipping of the wind and the whispering of the trees.

“What the fuck is wrong with you, [Y/N]?”

I’m never not using the retro arcade filter it looks so cool.

[ofmermaidstories]

Hi Mermie! I don't think I have ever sent an ask but I guess now is a good time as any. I actually found out about you from Andie (actually now that I think about it... I found a lot of wonderful writers through her) and lemme tell you BOY AM I GLAD I DID.

Your writing is like a box of chocolates :> whenever I see something new from you I don't know whether it's gonna be the sweetest thing I have ever read or if it's going to have me clutching my heart sobbing on the floor at 2 in the morning lol (casually side eyes the drabble you wrote about reader who can see the way ppl die- no joke I actually sat there on my couch for 10 minutes trying not to bawl my eyes out) Well but as if all that isn't just testament to what an amazing writer you are! I also LOVE LOVE LOVE your art! If I could eat it I think it would taste like strawberry wafers and marshmallow fluff. Oh shoot wait I was here for the game?! AHHH WAIT I AM SO SORRY FOR GETTING SIDETRACKED!

Ok wait lets see-

48. Who is your favorite character you have written for? Has this changed once you have started writing for the fandom?

I have a feeling it's bakugo but the way you write deku is so SCRUMPTIOUS.

49. What fic do you think is the best introduction of you as an author?

I am just really curious of how you answer this lol

69. What are your fave fics at the moment?

I just really wanted some good recs and I trust your taste!

72. What's your favorite writing compliment you have gotten?

Let's face it an amazing writer you must have gotten (well atleast you deserve) all the compliments in the world! I wanna know which one stuck with you. Also I am just petty I wanna one up that compliment and woo you~~~ <3

I am sorry oof I didn't think this ask would get this long. Regardless there is just one more thing... How... well is there a way you can send emoji's on laptop?? I really wanna send you that tulip bouquet emoji :(

Oh well I can't find it :< *sends you the most beautiful bouquet telepathically~*

lmaoooo, andie is very much incredibly generous, in that regard—uplifting other people. 🥹🌷 but hi castle! hi!! you’re very much like andie, i’m afraid—too sweet and entirely too generous with your kind words. 🫣 i am undeserving of the attention, but thank-you. 🥺 it means a lot, especially since i’ve seen you flitting about and spreading the excitement and the sunshine. ☀️ but okay let’s play. 😌

48. Who is your favorite character you have written for? Has this changed once you have started writing for the fandom?

lmao. bakugou is the love of my life, yes, but if i had to pick a favourite canon character to have written for, it’s izuku!! i think being the main character of My Hero gives him more to play with—which in turn makes him so much more satisfying. 🥹

if i had to pick a favourite character in general, though, to have written for—it’d be scribbles!

49. What fic do you think is the best introduction of you as an author?

oh, easy peasy. it’s surrender (whenever you’re ready).

i think it’s a fair representation of my style, and also does the hand-holding of gradually working up to those massive chapter lengths i tried to get away with in SJLT lmao. but more importantly, more than the one-shots i have sitting there on my ao3, it’s the introduction to what i guess is my biggest selling point: the serialisation and interconnectivity.

69. What are your fave fics at the moment?

i haven’t been reading much in the last year (mostly bc i’ve either preferred to stare at my wall and disassociate or crash hard into bed for five hour naps lmao) but the last fic i read that like, i consumed, was:

a blur of conquerors by her_black_tights

When Eren was ten, thirteen years felt like a long time. Most people he’d known died young, so he’d never expected to reach old age. But he’s in his ninth year of his term now. So is Mikasa. And he used to think he’d have something like forever to finally make sense of the way she’s weaved her way between his ribs, to learn the name of this particular brand of madness. But when he sees her skin knitting back together now, all he can think about is the day that it won’t.

Attack On Titan, Eremika, Marleyan Warriors AU, Explicit. it’s smut heavy; most of HBT’s fics are. HBT also writes a lot of daddy kink, and while it’s not apart of this fic, there is a dom/sub sensibility to their writing that does seem to influence HBT’s characterisation of Eren and Mikasa. i really enjoy their writing—when i found their fics i spent the whole day with them, completely useless for anything else. 🥹 but read your tags and remember to look after yourselves etc etc.

72. What's your favorite writing compliment you have gotten?

lmaooo, you’re cute castle. 🥹🌷 this one is hard tho because i think people underestimate the power even a handful of kind words have tbh. 🥺 all comments make me feel some kind of way (it’s not an excuse but it is why i get so bad at replying bc my brain basically keysmashes itself into knots at any hint of kindness), but i guess the most recent that have stuck out to me are a couple from the last chapter of the deku fic—from a couple of peeps who mentioned being surprised about seeing their own country or people in it. it meant a lot to me that it meant something to someone else, too. none of us live in isolation; we exist in a big world. and idk. it was just nice to be reminded of that. 🥺

don’t ever apologise for the excitement!!! it was fun. 🥺 thank-you for giving me something to mull over. 🥹 tbh with the emojis tho i just copy and paste from like emojiwiki or something lmaoooooo. but also, here, i drew u one instead—

[atrial-ofhorror-if]

Hey y'all! Long time no see!

This was supposed to come out in May, but I was lazy and just looked at the post for a while before deciding to write anything. I don't know what it is about 2023, but BAYYBE, it feels like it's on Speed or something. We are already halfway through the year, and it feels like it just happened in a blink of an eye! Kinda spooky, no? I'm planning on taking a break this month for June, partially because I'm tired and overwhelmed. It feels like there's always something going on in my personal life that puts me back. So, while I'm handling that and trying to disassociate as much as possible, I'm gonna be MIA. I'll still be around, just not as vocal. Am I really that vocal though? Nah.

This will also translate over into Maboroshi as well, even though I have a shit ton of unanswered asks I have to get to in there too

I'm hoping that I'll be rejuvenated and feeling better so I can hit the ground running for July.

Clerical Update

May has been the month of creativity and having a fire underneath your ass, because I've been completing and starting some things I didn't expect, I would do!

I've reached out, or tried to reach out to everyone who filled out the beta testing form! I'm planning on sending them the game in mid to early July.

I removed the demo of ATOH from Itchi.io. I know, weird right? But I'm just re-reading it and trying to edit it a bit before I re-post it back on the page! I wasn't satisfied with how it looked and realized that there was still a shit ton of errors, coding and otherwise within some of the passages so I wanna try and do a deep dive on my downtime of writing and patch some of that up. Am I gonna be completely successful? 🤷🏿‍♀️🤷🏿‍♀️🤷🏿‍♀️ dunno, but I won't stress myself out about it.

I've FINALLY got an idea for a cover page for ATOH. Wild how I've sat with this game for almost an entire year and I've never once had a cover page idea that I liked. I messed around in CANVA to try and replicate the idea I had in my head and am gonna mess around with the code to try and get it into the current demo.

Something secret, something mysterious 👁👁 something sinful. If my money is right at the end of July, and the product turns out like I want it to. I'll be posting a lil something. Won't tell yall what tho 👁

Writing Update

I ended up getting to 100k...

Yeah, I don't know how that happened either 🥴🥴

I had actually ended up getting rid of almost 10k+ worth of content because I felt that it wouldn't fit with this update, and somehow, some way, I ended up adding 30k+ more to make up for it. Of course, I believe that the majority of that word count is variation of choices, but it's still a bit shocking for me, ya know? 🥴🥴🥴

I'm gonna go through those new paragraphs and try to find any find any issues but hopefully I won't find anything too crazy.

I'm planning on sending beta testers the game in Mid or Early July. And then polishing up whatever I have left.

Think that's it? If you guys have any questions, please let me know! My DMs or ask are always open 🤎

[sxdomizer]

OC RAMBLES: MOLOTOV

I'm suddenly inspired, so I wanna talk about Molotov for a little here. Doing this for myself mostly but if anybody feels like reading, HOORAY-- asks always welcome ofc

He's existential as fuck. Like, really existential. He gets philosophical with it, too, so much that he gets trapped in his own thoughts a lot; he can disassociate for hours, especially at night or when it's quiet & he's alone. He wonders about who made him, and why. Being surrounded by living things when he barely considers himself one is.. tough. He especially struggles with the idea of having a family.

He can't feel most (physical) things. Temperature and pain are some of the biggest examples of these, but others include things like itches, tickles, hunger, thirst, etc. He can, however, sense pressure, so that's one of the things that brings him the most comfort. He can only really feel touch as we do in more sensitive places like his face (especially his nose).

Other than his lack of sense of touch, his other senses work fine. He hears fine, sees fine, hears fine, he can even taste-- one thing he can't (shouldn't) do, however, is consume food or drink. Mostly because it doesn't really go anywhere, and if food isn't decomposed by the body, it decomposes itself, and he doesn't need to experience that... not inside his body, anyway.

He tends to be a little hyperactive, but he can focus on things for long periods of time, too. Early on in his life, he spent most of his time studying, and willingly spent literal days with his face buried in books. This became a bit of a problem later on, though, because he loses track of time quite easily, and a day at the library is more often than not cut short by closing time.

BIIIIIG fan of R&B. Music in general is amazing, but he especially likes the almost poetic nature of R&B and rap music. Sure, most of the time the lyrics can be a little.. interesting to pay attention to, but he really sees himself in some of the songs. He's the type to say that "(X music writer) is a genius".

Despite his enthusiasm for knowledge and studying, he isn't very "street smart" outside the battlefield. Sure, he can fight, but he'll be nice to anyone. He can't really read people, so "shade" isn't really one of his worries. There's good in everyone if you just look hard enough, dig deep enough. Violence should be a last resort.

His years outside his cabin were spent on the streets. He was a nomad, travelling wherever destiny took him, working with and selling whatever he could. His main interests are weaponry & explosives, so he mostly built those and illegally sold them. Thanks to his ties to that, he was caught in fights quite often.

He never liked staying in a single place for long, mostly because resources quickly ran dry. Finding salvagable material is rare enough, so he saved what he could and his inventory rotated accordingly.

Without the need for eating or drinking, most of his money was spent on materials, bullets, or cigarettes. If he didn't buy these, he traded for them.

There are dents and burns along his body, but somehow no bullet holes. More often than not, he was on the shooting side.

No matter how low resources got, he used to always keep a rifle and a few bombs with him, just for self-defense. He gave those up eventually when he stopped associating with that life.

After he settled down, he became a tutor! Finally being able to put his knowledge to use in ways other than building weapons is like a dream. He'd become a teacher if he didn't need to go to college for that, but his lack of an education prevents him from it.

So that's about it for the time being, mostly because I don't know what else to write but. YAY MOLO

If this gets enough positive feedback (any at all tbh) maybe I'll write some more,,,, if I have the time

again, asks are welcomed and encouraged, thanks for taking the time to read :)