#wanna throw one of these out on solis too

[lukaherehelp]

Playboyy EP3 - Sacrificing Yourself

okey had my girl dinner, I'm going in!

Just like I did last week, instead of a full commentary, we are going through some pointers, which are A LOT in this third episode.

So!

Ladies, gentlemen and nonbinary dieties, we can all take the clown makeup off, we can leave the river Denial, it was roleplay!

I swear motherfuckers I spend the whole week in distressed thinking this was for real, you assholes! You are still the cutest tho

Let's start with them, shall we?

Soong & First

We dodge the bullet of Soong being an actual psyco and jump into "problems in paradise" which FAIR, cause we've barely seen any communication between this two for this first two episodes. Mind you, it could have being off screen, this roleplay adventures had to be talked about at some point... But I feel like that was the extent of their communication.

I want to remind y'all that the Baddie Bunch is a group of young rich kids (all of them are 21), so the Playboyys are bound to have much higher street smarts and wisdom when it comes to life that the twinks. Soong, in specific, is 3 years older than First.

Why am I remarking this? Because First is clearly drunk in love with Soong but his "love" for him is purely based on them being sexually compatible. Is there anything else that they enjoy apart from rough sex? We don't know, fuck I don't even think they know!

And that's were the whole "we can have normal sex for once?!" thing comes from. Soong seems to like First back, to the point of allowing this now broke kid to stay with him even tho he can barely provide for the two of them. That's also the reason why Soong probably is taking more clients than before, even if that means spendid less time with First and paying less attention to him. First calling him a leech when First is now the leech was so ironic...

But First is so drunk on love that he cannot compute Soong not being there with him physically and mentally 24/7. Again, this kid lived in a golden cage for 21 years of his life, he thinks he knows but doesn't know shit about how real life works, even less so when you are at the lower ranks.

If they want to work out, First needs to have a reality check and grow up, learn that a relationship like the one he wants cannot be based soly on roleplay. And learn that life outside his cage is tough and requires "sacrifices".

Staying with them for another second, we need to talk about this:

Now, we are going wild. Rightfully so, this is the first hint we get that is not attached to Nont's investigation. So I wanna throw my two cents about it:

I don't think this is hinting that Soong was involved in whatever happend to Nant. You see, we have being especulating about Nant doing sex work, obviously, but I don't think he ever actually worked at Playboyy at any point. In any case, I don't think this scene hints at that.

My theory is that he probably was doing sex work in a room in the same apartment building where Soong lives. Could have being during one of the first sessions with Dog Man or maybe another client that went way too far. Either way, my two cents is that Soong probably met Nant after aiding him against a problematic client and that's why First crying in distress triggerd the memory: Nant seems like he's pleading, so maybe he thought Soong would rat him out, not knowing that Soong is also a sex worker.

He could have also asked Soong to not tell anybody about what happend, scared that his "secret life" would come out. I'm staying in that theory for now.

We don't have much about this two afterwards: Soong missing First and First being angry and heartbroken about the whole ordeal. So yeah, moving on!

Now, to the Lovebirds™

Teena & Zouey

Oh lord this was hard to watch... But let's talk about it.

Everything starts good, everything gucci. Teena is acting like a "top-tier" boyfriend see what I did there to Zouey even in front of the Baddie Bunch.

And then we get them being cute in private. You know, cuddleling, kiking about Zouey's friends where did I hear the "do you care about my friends?" line before /s. You know, boyfie behaviour... although they are not dating. Nothing wrong about that. All good.

Things start to fall apart as soon as this two sit up and Zouey goes "be my boyfriend! I'm ready to have sex now!". Oh lord.

Zouey clearly likes Teena and wants to be with him. And Teena also seems to like Zouey back. The thing is, due to the Baddie Bunch, Zouey has gotten this unspoken idea (to us) in his mind that to keep Teena, to be his boyfriend, they have to sleep together. But as much as he "thinks" he is ready, Teena and us clearly see that he is not. Teena tells him again that they don't need to have sex, that he doesn't need to "sacrifice himself" for them to be together.

But Zouey pushes through, saying that he "is in the mood", that Teena has "succeeded in making Zouey want him". Baby boy, you have been wanting this man since you first layed eyes on him, you are just cautious, which I applaud you for. But, with a second assertion from Zoueys part, we have Teena taking the lead and being sweet and slowly easing Zouey into what's about to happen:

picking him up to sit him on his lap while he kisses Zouey's temple

observing how Zouey is still cautiolsy touching him

the tiny kiss to the nose

Teena spends the whole time reasuring Zouey that he would not mock him, he knows how inexperienced Zouey is. He's making sure Zouey feels save.

Now, the downfall starts the moment Teena introduces a safe word. Which is always a good thing to have, but no to relay on solely with a first timer, buddy. also wanna point out how I kept singing red lights by skz everytime teena said red light because I'm that unserious

So, when we are "at the gates" of this taking further, hell breaks loose. Zouey asks Teena to go one step further but quickly regrets it. Now, I'm a girly that firmly believes that anything apart from a yes is a no, so Teena being a little pushy after Zouey shows discomfort already made me go nah uh buddy, but I can see where Teena is coming from...?

Zouey is freaking out, as he has done many times and is trying to make him relax again... but it doesn't work. And that's when the unfortunate phrase comes in:

" If we're going to be a couple, we'll have to do this someday. "

First of all, bullshit. You can have a serious relationship with somebody without the need of getting sexual. HOWEVER, and I can't believe I'm about to say this, I have to side with Teena here for a second.

HEAR ME OUT BEFORE THROWING STONES AT ME! Their relationship has being highly sexual from day one, period. Does that mean that the prospect of taking it all the way someday is there? It doesn't... But Zouey did start this encounter with "be my boyfriend! I'm ready to have sex now!". He's the one that put out there that if they date they will get intimate, not Teena.

Now, it wasn't fortunate from Teena's part to be "we should just do it" as if they were treating this like it was a fear to bungee jumping.

And Zouey, again, uses words that have never came from Teena's mouth (that we know of) to express his discomfort with the situation. Yes, Teena said that they didn't need to have sex if Zouey didn't want to. But Teena never said that they couldn't date because they didn't have sex. That last part, has only happend on Zoueys head. And why? Because that's what he has being hearing from the Baddie Bunch.

The scene ends with Zouey asking Teena to leave and Teena, not wanting to upset Zouey any further, going along with his request.

The last we see on the matter is Zouey and First day drinking at uni (god, I miss sneaking beers into art school lmao) while they compare their heartbreak and talk about abuse and consent. That's a whole post on its own and I still have another two couples to talk about to we closing here.

NEXT!

Keen & Captain

Lord baby jesus, we starting strong with this couple.

That "test" to join the rugby team: fuckin disgusting, I hate men. I don't care if it was for the hahas, nah uh. I'm leaving the gym. Fuck this team. But the team being homophobic... Are we surprised? Maybe is my own experience talking, but I didn't expect less from an sports team of a private university lmao

To light up this post a little, I gotta say: couples that share kinks stay together, so that in my eyes makes KeenCaptain endgame no matter the drama that the future holds for us. I'm going back to Delululand.

They are already giving me Brat Captain and I'm thriving, I signed up for this and I'm getting my moneys worth. Also this:

*fourthreactingtotheearthmixearbiteinthemoonlightchickentrailer.gif*

This sneaky little bitch is recording it and, again, are we surprised, we already knew that was going to happen. WHAT I DIDN'T EXPECT was Captain already releasing the fuckin think and hilariously backfiring on him a comedy I tell you. I fear that tape might get out of the confitment of the rugby team and get Keen, whoms both the team captain AND coach, in deep shit. However, I cannot wait to see what Captain will do with the wig and makeup he requested from Nont.

ANOTHER THING before I get into the last couple:

the gasp I gasped, y'all. Kaya, remind me this weekend to make the kiss/fuck count post, I feel like we are going to need another graphic by the end of this series.

ANYGAY, TO THE JUICE PART OF THIS MYSTERY:

Prom & Nont

Nont is slipping, bruh. To a degree and at a speed I'm starting to get stressed.

Almost getting caught by Captain when he's threatening Phop with penknife, asking for the wrong drink at the house, the accidental slap to Zouey and how not in control he is everytime he's with Prom when he clearly doesn't have ANY control on the situation. Honey, you pretty face and cunty ass is not going to work with Master, sorry to break this to you.

That being said, let's focus on the investigation:

Phop had Nant's laptop but is not truly clear to us where he got it since they got interrupted by Captain before Phop could spill the beans.

Nant was obviously doing webcam.

Now, tell me why Nont is adamant that the person that threw the laptop away was Nant's boyfriend? When did we stablished that Nant had a boyfriend? Nont fits right in into this friend group, another clueless boy that lived in a golden cage and is now seeing the darker side of the world.

the name here is Nant's btw

Here we are introduced with Nuth whom let me pull my guide real quick is described as:

Nuth dreams of becoming a sucessful film director one day, but with the lost of a family member, he has become introverted, depressed and unmotivated, making him currently unemployed. This has made him dive head first into the world of webcam. [...]

Nont, whom clearly has a modus operandi with his way of investigating, jumps right into creating his own account in the webcam site and getting in contact with Nuth after seeing that Nuth and Nant used to text throw the website.

Now, Nuth points out some of his fantasies to Nont:

" Meeting strangers, having sex with twins in a small room, the twins make out and lick all over my body, I wear a mask and I'll make them moan like a dog with the camera on. "

Sounds exactly like Dog Man, doesn't it? Way too soon to be suspicious of him tho, so I'm also putting this under the category of red herring. Nuth does panick the moment he sees Nont's face and blocks him, but I'm not speaking on that for now. Too many posibilities.

With Captain's help, Nont is able to recover the video of Nant with Dog Man and I guess he indeed gets stabbed in the video. I cannot imagine what that has to be like. Seeing something so horrible happen to someone that looks exactly like you... But I guess is not a deadly wound since Nont keeps assuming that Nant is not dead? He could be in denial, that too.

Nont, however, still in the mood to go see Master Prom and I cannot blame him and my brother keeps sliping in front of this man whom clearly knows that he's being lied too but clearly is having fun seeing Nont trip on his feet.

"You used to hate it here", "I had to convince you to come", "I thought you've changed enough to drink wine"... Prom is us, we are Prom. We sharing a braincell with this man, whom clearly is the only motherfucker holding a braincell.

god, now I want wine but I don't have any... sad

The "I can have sex in real life, why do I need to join a call?" line? Sir, I'm free anytime you want me too. I don't have any other responsibility than to please you. What can I say, I'm a simple woman.

"I'll make you moan like a dog". Yeah, I would also get triggered after so many dog references pointing at your brother's disappearance, Nont. That being said, Prom catching that Nont has become terrified and keeps making him more scared... He's making his move in this 3D chess they are playing.

This is him pushing Nont to see for how much longer he can keep the façade. But this leads into a really important frame.

I don't know the rest of y'all, but from my friends that are into heavy bdsm stuff I have learned many things and one is that all the toys, props, accessories, ropes, EVERYTHING is stored in the same place. Is more convenient that way and easier to hide from the prying eye.

So unless it got blood on it and had to be thown away, no dog mask for Prom. Neither the harness for what I can see.

we have a full face mask and I feel like that's the mask he was talking about here and in the foreplay video.

PROM IS AS MUCH OF A RED HERRING AS THAT FUCKING CABINET, I'LL DIE ON THIS HILL.

And with that being said, seems like next week we have more heartbreak but also a lot of mix-and-match and I cannot wait. See y'all next week.

Luka out!

[scouts-thingsandrps]

Incorrect Quotes

Brought to you by the incorrect quote generator.

*Hunter and Atalanta sitting in jail together*

Atalanta: So who should we call?

Hunter: I’d call Darius, but I feel safer in jail

-

Hunter: Here’s a fun Christmas idea. We hang mistletoe, but instead of kissing, you have to FIGHT whoever else is under it.

Raine: Hunter no.

Luz: Mistlefoe.

Raine: Please stop encouraging him.

-

Willow: Naturally, we are on the cutting edge of technology.

Luz, amazed: Wow...

Gus, to Luz: Well what does that mean?

Luz: I don't know.

Luz, to Willow: What does that mean?

-

Willow: I currently have 7 empty notebooks and I have no clue what to put in them. Suggestions?

Luz: Put spaghetti in it.

Willow: I'm currently taking suggestions from literally anyone but you.

Gus: Put spaghetti in it.

Willow: I'm currently taking suggestions from anyone but you two.

Eda: Put spaghetti in it.

Willow: I'm no longer taking suggestions

-

Atalanta: I can explain.

Hunter: Can you?

Atalanta: If you give me thirty seconds to think of a lie

-

Hunter: Okay, help me please!

Luz: Got two words for you.

Hunter: I bet they won't be helpful.

Luz: Your problem.

Hunter: I was right

-

Amity: This is such a bad idea.

Luz: Then why are you coming along?

Amity: One of us need to be able to talk the cops out of arresting us when this inevitably goes wrong.

-

Eberwolf: .. .----. -- / ... --- .-. .-. -.-- [translation: I’M SORRY]

Darius: What's that?

Raine: Remorse code.

Darius: I'm even angrier now

-

Luz: Please, I'm begging you go to a doctor.

Atalanta: I'm sorry is this OUR stab wound? Stay out of it.

-

*Amity and Luz skipping stones on lake*

Amity: It’s such a beautiful evening.

Luz, whispering: Take that you fucking lake

-

Amity: I think I'm having a mid-life crisis.

Luz: You're like 15 years old

Amity: I MIGHT DIE AT 30!

-

Willow, standing with their back turned: I’ve been expecting you, Luz.

Luz: How did you do that without turning around?

Willow: ... To be perfectly honest, the first couple of people I did that to were not you.

-

Willow: So what’s for dinner?

Luz and Gus, staring at the food they just burnt: Regret

-

*The squad is having dinner together*

Raine: Eberwolf, can you pass the salt?

Eberwolf: *Throws Darius across the table*

-

Othala: In your opinion, what’s the height of stupidity?

Lunna: *turning to Solis* How tall are you?

-

The squad is trying to con some random guy

Othala: Um, Solis, why are you pretending I'm this guy's family?

Solis: We need money!

Othala: You're scamming him?

Solis: I was thinking more like flat-out stealing from him?

Othala: What?! No way!

Solis: Why not? We already stole Lunna!

Lunna: Hey guys

Othala: No, we didn't. Lunna can think and talk for themself, they can do whatever they want!

Lunna: I wanna steal

-

Raine: Eda and I don’t use pet names.

Lilith: I see. Hey, what do bees make?

Raine: Honey?

Eda: Yes, dear?

Raine:

Lilith: Don't ever lie to my face again.

-

Hunter: Here's some advice

Atalanta: I didn't ask for any

Hunter: Too bad. I'm stuck here with my thoughts and you're the only one who talks to me

-

Luz: You're the love of my life and my best friend, I would do anything for you.

Amity: I want you to eat three meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule.

Luz: Absolutely not.

-

Darius: What’s up guys? I’m back.

Hunter: What the- you can’t be here. You’re dead. I literally saw you die.

Darius: Death is a social construct.

-

Darius: What is your biggest weakness?

Hunter: I can be uncooperative.

Darius: Okay, can you give me an example?

Hunter: No.

[vfdbaudelairefile13]

What if Misery Loves Company part 1 included the 6 Baudelaires?

THIS IS A SPECIAL WHAT IF POST:

Today, I was asked by @totallyhumanperson123​ ‘How would Lilac, Nick and Solitude fit into Misery Loves Company?’

And after asking @unfortunate-stranger-losers​ if I could use the three extra Baudelaires to make this post I have thought extensively. (I may do this for each part if @/unfortunate-strangers-losers is okay with it).

PLEASE NOTE: THESE ARE MY INTERPRETATIONS OF SOMEONE ELSE’S CHARACTERS AND HOW I WOULD WRITE THEM IF I HAD INCLUDED THEM IN MY FIC. ALSO, NOTE THAT IF YOU HAVE NOT READ THE ENTIRETY TO MISERY LOVES COMPANY PART 1 THIS WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS.

So first let’s discuss Lemony and Beatrice:

Lemony would have two daughters: Lilac Emily and Violet Malina. The difference between this is: The timeline would have been Bea and Bert were on the island when Bea was pregnant with Lilac. When they come back to the city, they meet up with Lemony and get back into their polyamorous relationship resulting in Violet.

Beatrice and Bertrand realize that living life on the run alongside Lemony and two kids is no way for the girls to live. So they break up with Lemony. Leaving Lemony alone.

But they’re still very involved with VFD so they ask Lemony if he can watch over Lilac and Violet, with the same letter, same meeting place, same expectation.

Life on the run gets in the way so Lilac and Violet end up in Lemony’s ‘custody’ like Violet does in MLC.

With Beatrice and Bertrand:

Their first children are twin boys (around two years after Violet’s birth). Nick Liam and Klaus Louis. Nick is thirteen minutes older than Klaus. (Klaus eventually gets taller than Nick obviously). At this point in time, they are devastated that they lost their two daughters and Lemony, so they try to defect from VFD with little to no success (so they settle for barely participating in it because they blame VFD for them losing their daughters and their would-be husband.)

Years later they have Solitude Theodora much to both boys disappointment (but mainly Klaus’ because Nick teases him about being the middle child).

By the time Sunny is born, Nick is besties with Solitude and Klaus is still very unhappy about having more siblings. But soon becomes besties with Sunny after six weeks.

Background and BAD BEGINNING:

Beatrice and Bertrand would send all four of their children to the beach that dreadful day. They had made BOTH Nick and Klaus promise to take care of their younger sisters (B&B also privately talked to Nick and explained to him that since he is the older twin, he needs to watch over Klaus as well because Klaus is babey.)

So Lemony is raising two daughters, which is not easy since they’re only 11 months apart. So they’re always bickering. Both girls have lockets with a picture of their mother and their sister in the locket. Both Lilac and Violet cherish their father and even though they fight relentlessly, they are each other ride and die. Lemony made the same mistake as Beatrice and when Lilac was around 5 and Violet was 4, he asked Lilac to promise him that she will always look over Violet no matter what. Lilac promised without delay because she loves being the eldest.

Lilac looks more like Lemony than Violet does. Violet looks more like Beatrice. Lilac has Beatrice’s smile, while Violet has Lemony’s eyes. People mistake them for twins all the time though. Which annoys both girls.

Violet is the one who begins to feel suspicious of Lemony and Lilac tells her that she’s overthinking it. Violet wants to get to the bottom of it. Both girls desperately want to meet their mother.

The four Baudelaires take a liking to Strauss and an immediate dislike towards Poe and Olaf. Cause fuck Poe and Olaf. NICK is the one who has the breakdown about the one bed and offers it to Klaus, who offers it to the girls. Klaus is the one who tells Nick that his breakdown is freaking Soli and Sunny out, to which makes Nick calm down. Nick is hell-bent on figuring out the mystery of the fire while Klaus is still the one who holds on to the spyglass because he fears Nick will lose it. BOTH Soli and Sunny cuss out Olaf and bite him, relentlessly. Although Soli is still a herpetologist in training.

Li and Vi make an invention together, they both have that soft moment in the taxi explaining that they don’t hate Beatrice they understand her reasonings. Lemony desperately wants to help their brothers and sisters. Keeps the secret from both of them.

Soli suggests poisoning Olaf which Nick is totally down to do, so is Sunny. Klaus is like you guys...that’s murder and Nick straight up would be like so? you’re outnumbered. But they can’t find any poison so they make pasta puttanesca. Olaf still grabs Sunny and lifts her too high up, which results in Nick grabbing Soli and holding her tight. Klaus, on the other hand, is now down for murdering when he hears his baby sister’s cries and remembers the promise he made. KLAUS is the one who talks back to Olaf resulting in him getting slapped. But instead of Sunny biting his hand, Nick puts Soli and Sunny in a corner near Klaus and walks up to Olaf CASUALLY and PUNCHES HIM STRAIGHT IN THE FACE. “DON’T HIT MY BROTHER YOU FUCK!”  this results in Nick getting his ass kicked by Olaf until Klaus tries to stop him but Fernald is the one who stops him. The next morning, Olaf still demands an apology. All four kids tell him to fuck off, resulting in him lifting Nick (who’s holding Soli) and lifting Klaus (who’s holding Sunny) by their necks towards the wall. Realizing that he doesn’t have an extra hand to do anything he waits til the boys are slightly purple before releasing their necks, causing the boys to fall and drop their sisters. (their sisters know they didn’t do that on purpose).  Nick is the one who hears Olaf’s dumb train plan and explains to Olaf that he is a dumb shit cause he won't get shit if the four Baudelaires die.

They go to Poe, this time with Klaus’ cheek bruised, Nick, having multiple bruises on his legs and arms (which he willingly shows to Poe), They even show the small bruises on their necks from when Olaf was choking them, Poe still claims it’s loco parentis. Which causes Nick to go ballistic and cussing Poe out as Klaus drags him out (with Soli carrying Sunny the best she can). Soli and Sunny MAKE NIck and Klaus tell Strauss, who simply talks to Olaf. which doesn’t do shit for the kids.

Lemony does all his usual shit with VFD, Jacqueline, Gustav, and Larry. (none of this changes really except he’s keeping two daughters a secret).

Nick is the one who stays up all night with a book but doesn’t tell Klaus because he doesn’t want Klaus to worry. He confronts Olaf explaining how Nick was right and Olaf would get shit. Olaf tells him to go tell his siblings, Nick wakes up Klaus but he can’t seem to find Soli OR Sunny.

Olaf tells the boys that if they don’t become good obedient little boys, he will drop both toddler Soli and infant Sunny from the tower room. He tells the boys that good news, if they mess up once, at least they have another sister. Olaf explains that he’ll have them choose who he drops first if they piss him off. Both boys want Olaf dead. Nick feels defeated and blames himself while Klaus is not giving up just yet.

Chapter 8 is still Klaus’ chapter where Olaf tortures him. Klaus still gives blankets to both his sisters while Nick is sleeping, he tries to save his sisters but he is caught. Olaf does not drop either sister because he rather hurt Klaus. Klaus tries to scream to get Nick to help him but Olaf keeps his hand over the boy's mouth. When he’s done, Klaus goes upstairs, he is still given the first aid kit, but he has NICK there to help him. He tries to do it himself but he wakes up Nick by crying and Nick wants to MURDER Olaf for sure at this point. Nick does the best he can while he is literally hating himself for letting this happen.

Lemony tries to save the kids with his CPS disguise, to no avail. Because Olaf is holding both girls and the boys know if they say anything its over.

violet starts the kitchen fire and when Lilac’s trying to fix it, it gets worse, both girls cry as Lemony holds them. They’re blaming each other but he tells them he does not give a shit because his purple lemons are fine. (also lilac also calls him Lemon Man or Mr. Lemons, although Violet is the one who started the nickname when she was a toddler). When Lemony leaves abruptly, Violet tries to convince Lilac that something weird is happening. Lilac tells her that she’s bored and she’s just looking for troubling shit. Violet ignores her and continues questioning their father.

Nick and Klaus are under constant watch, although Nick is super protective of Klaus. when the police are at the door, Olaf grabs Nick and throws him against the wall and threatens to kill him. Klaus kicks Olaf in the groin as they race to the tower room to save their sisters. Olaf grabs Nick’s ankles and Klaus grabs Nick ignoring Nick when he stells Klaus to get the girls. Olaf promises to return.

Klaus makes Nick promise not to tell the girls, Poe or the authorities what Olaf did to him, Nick is reluctant at first but agrees once Klaus tells him that he’d prefer if Nick was the only one who knew. this makes Nick feel validated as an older brother.

REPTILE ROOM:

Nick and Klaus are worried about Uncle Monty, while Soli is excited. Nick is the idiot who asks what kind of scientist Monty is which Soli responds Snakes! Dummy! Sunny still corrects Poe about what the road smells like. CAuse she’s a mini chef in training.

Monty is sweet and naive like he is in book, movie, show, and MLC. Both boys tell him that he can’t get the fortune until their 18, Monty responds with not giving a fuck about the damn fortune. both soli and Sunny are rude to Poe because EVERYONE SHOULD BE.

The boys beg Monty to allow them to all sleep in one room. Monty doesn’t understand why they wanna be 4 to a room but he allows it. he has enough things for each child.

When Lemony has his first nightmare, Lilac is the one who hears him. She questions him. He lies to her stating that he had a bad dream about someone taking his girls. Lilac believes him but only partially. Violet wakes up demanding to hear all about their mother. The girls fall asleep with putting their heads on the other’s shoulders as Lemony rambles on about Beatrice.

Nick wants to kill Monty for 10 seconds when he believes that Ink is deadly and bit Sunny. Soli, on the other hand, starts laughing as Sunny is bitten and even tells the snake “my turn!” The snake bites her, nearly causing Klaus to faint until Monty explains that Soli’s assumption is correct. The snake is harmless.

Klaus has a nightmare that night, which wakes all his siblings up. Soli and Sunny ask Nick wondering what’s wrong with Klaus. Nick lies and wakes his brother up. Monty offers tea to Klaus and Klaus only agrees if Nick can come with. After this, both boys warm up to Monty.

Violet begins her investigation, with Lilac saying count me out. Violet makes her promise, not to tattletale, which Lilac only agrees to because Violet was threatening her coffee machine. Violet keeps offering to let Lilac help but Lilac swears she wants nothing to do with it. violet reads the contents of the drawer aloud which piques Li’s interest but Lilac doesn’t like snooping. When Violet is nearly caught by Lemony, Lilac stops this from happening sneaking a smile to Violet that she’s in. Because she catches her dad in a lie.

Klaus and Nick see that the maze in Monty’s backyard relates to Olaf just as Olaf arrives. Nick is the one who tries to slam the door in Olaf’s face, but he pulls out a knife. He steps in front of his three siblings. (handing Soli to Klaus). Olaf pokes him with a knife telling him that “if Nick doesn’t behave, it’ll be HIS turn). The girls don’t understand what this means, but Klaus and Nick sure do.

Monty asks Klaus to take the canoe off the jeep with Olaf, Nick tries to tell Monty but Olaf is threatening Klaus with a knife.

Violet eavesdrops on their father, Lemony leaves and Violet explains that she’s going to follow him. Lilac, acting on her promise, is like NO you’re not. Violet starts disguising herself. Lilac helps her and disguises herself because she refuses to let her sister go alone. The girls are both mimes because Violet is like mimes and Lilac is like what? Their disguise names are Anna (Emily Browning’s character in Uninvited) and Rebecca (Malina Weissman’s character in 9 Lives). They’re both crept on by Stephano. Lilac tries to watch the movie and understand it as Violet is watching their father.

After the movie, Olaf grabs Soli from Nick and tells the other three no funny business as he tries to kidnap them. Monty reappears, they all go home. Monty rips up the idiot’s ticket, Klaus and Nick are carrying the lamp upstairs and Klaus still tells Olaf about the ripped ticket. even though Nick was yelling at him to STFU.

Nick and Klaus discover Monty’s body. Olaf has Sunny in one suitcase and Soli in one of those wheeled suitcases. When he stabs the suitcase that doesn’t have either sister, Nick screams in anger and he's the one thrown into the jeep. Klaus is blaming himself for Monty’s death.

Nick and Klaus are confused as to who Kronk is and what he wants. Sunny still has the idea of jumping out the window. Nick is totally down for it and he and Soli go first. They get down perfectly. Klaus and Sunny still fall because Klaus has panic attack. Kronk helps the kids back in the reptile room. The boys research, Klaus still sees how Monty had bought books about how to help kids with PTSD. Klaus starts crying, Soli and sunny look for Ink. When the kids are ushered away again, Kronk says he needs Nick and Klaus’ help as Soli and Sunny are hiding. Sunny’s teeth are sharper so she still opens the suitcase. Soli is the one who plays with Ink to get Poe to see he’s harmless.

Olaf grabs Nick and decides to take him, but Ink attacks saving the kids. Nick decides to follow Olaf in the maze. Both boys feel defeated again. Nick still wants to solve the mystery surrounding them.

Soli drags Sunny to help her release Ink and a few other reptiles because Soli is a herpetologist.

Lilac and Violet question why their father smells like horseradish but he lies to them bringing them both home their favorite foods.  both beginning to not trust him. Every night when he's asleep the girls start brainstorming ideas about everything just like Violet does in MLC. Lemony’s nightmare consists of Olaf murdering one of his daughters and keeping the other one for the fortune. He wakes up freaking the fuck out. Klaus and Nick question Mr. Poe about Jacquelyn.

WIDE WINDOW:

The Baudelaires are still taken to Josephine’s by Kit via taxi. All four kids can’t stand Josephine. Thinks she’s crazy, rude, and annoying. NICK has the disassociating moment in the fridge because that’s his thing, not Klaus’.

Nick gets angrier at Josephine than Klaus when she won’t answer their fucking questions. He gets the cards, Klaus gets the train. Soli gets the doll and Sunny gets the rattle as gifts. Klaus still thinks they should get Josephine out of the house.

Klaus is the one who bumps into Olaf but NIck is the one who pushes him down when he sneers at Klaus.

Lilac suggests they redial the phone number and see who Lemony is talking about. Both girls go to the bank, they’re arguing about directions so that’s how they meet the Quagmires. Isadora and Lilac immediately are blushing while Quigley and Violet are immediately blushing. Duncan still finds this fucking hilarious. They get to the bank and both girls question Jacky just like in MLC. Lilac says her name is Magenta as Violet still says her name is April Mallahan. Violet wants to punch Lilac for her dumbass disguise name. Jacky tells them to meet somewhere else. The girls accidentally eat peppermints. Both girls have immediate allergic reactions. Lilac can’t speak and Violet is incredibly itchy. Violet and Lilac ask the same questions, get the same answer. When Jacky realizes they aren’t Mallahans. They admit their names are Emily and Malina (instead of staying Magenta and April). Lilac asks Jacky if she’s dating Lemony hoping that her dad isn’t lying about that. but alas, he is. This is where Lilac officially does not trust him. (Violet’s already been there).

Klaus answers the phone hangs up on Olaf. Nick tries to explain to Josephine who Olaf is. When Olaf says the business card line, Klaus corrects him. and he starts backing Klaus into a wall which causes Nick to run up to Olaf and attack which causes Olaf to throw him towards the wide window. he hits it, but it doesn’t break. soli and Sunny try to attack.

Nick and Klaus break into the safe (although Soli has the correct combo). They collect the same documents and photos as Klaus and Sunny do in MLC. Klaus, Soli and Sunny sleep as Nick stays awake watching his siblings sleep. He has Sunny and Soli in his lap and he’s sitting as close to Klaus as possible taking turns rubbing each of their heads whispering happy thoughts to Klaus as he sleeps in hopes of keeping his dreams nice. Nick hears the window break and wakes his sibling. Klaus discovers the note and Nick immediately says: there’s....a hidden message. Klaus thinks he’s crazy (this happens cause in the movie they solve it faster than the show or book).

Klaus tries to explain to Poe what’s happening, even though Nick and the girls were against it entirely. They go to lunch with bastard man. Sunny has the plan to eat peppermints. Nick and Klaus get both the swelled tongue and the itchy hives while Soli gets the swollen tongue and Sunny gets the hives.  Klaus looks for baking soda for him and Sunny as Soli and Nick tackle the note. Nick figures it out rather quickly and then the house begins falling apart. Klaus is the one who flips and dangles out of the window. Soli and Sunny bite on to doorknobs during this. Nick is dodging the fridge and stove at this time. Trying to reach all his siblings. Nick grabs pics from Ike’s study room.

When the house breaks. Soli and Klaus are on the safe side while Sunny and Nick end up on the platform. Klaus starts crying as Nick lays down defeated praying that he and Sunny’s death will be quick. Soli and Sunny start tying their little hair up. When asked what they’re doing, Sunny replies “Vi” aas Soli replies “Li” which confuses their brothers. Sunny and Soli figure out how to get Sunny and Nick back to the Klaus and Soli. The boys think this is crazy but they go along with it. Nick does what he’s told and pushes the anchor, he grabs Sunny as Klaus picks up Soli. The four make it out of the house.

They meet up with Steve Barkin, who Nick and Klaus don’t know if they can trust entirely.  He brings two coats  (one for Klaus and one for Sunny since they took off their coats in the house). He brings a yellow raincoat for Sunny, a blue raincoat for Klaus, a green raincoat for Nick, and an orange raincoat for Soli (he has the red one). Soli and Sunny take a nap as Klaus and NIck have the heart to heart with Steve Barkin who takes them to Curdled Cave.

The flashback where Violet almost got kidnaps, turns into Lilac and Violet almost getting kidnapped. When Violet ran ahead of her father and Lilac, Lilac ran after her (trying to keep her promise to her father even though Lemony was calling for both of them to get back here). When Lilac realizes they can’t find their father (because both girls can’t agree on what his disguise looks like, LILAC bumps into Fiona and both girls giggle. Fernald comes running and checks over Fiona and then when Fiona tells him that Lilac and Violet are lost, he offers to help. Lilac pushes Violet behind her and she asks if he’s a kidnapper. while Violet (behind her sister) says: ask him if he’s a child hurter, too, Li! there’s a difference!” Lilac tells her to shush and that’s there is no difference. He laughs and tries to help them find their father. Widdershit tries to recruit them both because he’s a shithead. Fernald and he argue. and He PICKS UP Violet and demands for Fernald to pick up Lilac. Lilac starts crying begging for her sister back and Fernald takes Violet from Widdershit and when they are distracted. Lilac tells Fiona and Fernald goodbye as she runs dragging Violet with her. They then meet the duo which the man with the beard and no hair grabs LILAC this time and Violet starts SCREAMING STRANGER DANGER as loud as she can until Lilac can struggle out of the man’s grip, again grabbing violet’s hand. The girls huddle together holding each other tightly, crying. Lilac starts calling for her father by his real name as she hears LILAC EMILY!!!! VIOLET MALINA!!! Violet rushes to her father and hugs him but Lilac is nervous. She feels like she failed her dad. He’s holding Vi and waiting for Li to run to him so he can pick up both his girls. Lilac starts crying and throws herself to the ground apologizing. Lemony gently picks her up and reassures her. Once they tell him what happened. He looked to both of them and says: You BOTH did well today. You took care of each other and that’s what counts. He then realizes both sides of VFDs schism tried to kidnap his daughters so they run home and relocated. Lilac thinks it’s all her fault no matter how many times Lemony tells her otherwise.

in the present day: LILAC puts these pieces together as Violet gets angry. Lilac is becoming SADDENED by her father's lies and secrets while Violet is getting MAD. Both girls HATE VFD.

The four Baudelaires try their best to convince Josephine to come back with them. Nick is frustrated but Klaus is like I got this. He does his dramatic eyeglass wiping thing and convinces Josephine. The boys' question Josephine about the photographs, documents, and the book they lost.

Leeches attack. Nick tries to sail as Klaus tries to start a fire. Soli has the idea of using Klaus’ glasses and the spyglass as she puts Sunny on her lap to protect her baby sister. Nick and Klaus get a fire to work and all four kids assume that Steve is saving them.

Captain Sham teases the kids telling him that only ONE can get on his boat. Nick declares that no Baudelaire is getting on his boat. Sham says they’ll change their minds. He then threatens Josephine. Klaus guards Josephine and Josephine pushes passed him making him fall on Nick so she can hand Soli over to Olaf. Klaus and Nick start CUSSING JOSEPHINE OUT as Olaf snickers saying: Soli is the lucky Baudelaire who gets to inherit the fortune for him. Nick jumps on the boat telling him to fuck off and he takes his sister back. Klaus is STILL cussing out Josephine as he hands Sunny over to Nick. Nick puts Soli and Sunny in the corner making sure he is standing between them and Olaf. Klaus is trying to get across on to the boat and Olaf starts making the boat wobble. Nick pleads with Olaf to let Klaus on the boat. Olaf asks Nick if he’ll behave which causes Klaus’ panic attack making him even more wobbly. Nick agrees as he grabs Klaus’ hands and pulls him on the boat holding him close.

Josephine tells Olaf he can do whatever he wants with the kids to where Nick straight out says he hates Josephine while Klaus is trying to get her to realize that she’s their guardian she shouldn’t be doing this. She corrects Olaf, he kills her and mocks the kids who are begging her to jump (even Nick cause Josephine is better than Olaf as a guardian).

When he calls himself their father. Klaus tries to push Olaf off the boat. So he grabs Nick and dips his head on the side of the boat where the leeches AREN’T at because they’re busy eating Josephine. Olaf explains to Klaus if he tries that shit again, Nick is going in the water with Josephine. Klaus nods his head and sits down.

Sunny is the one who bites the peg leg after her siblings pleading doesn’t with Poe doesn’t work. Klaus suggests running away but Nick tells him that that may not be the best idea. When Olaf escapes, Nick hands Soli to Klaus and starts running after his car but Olaf after promising to return speeds up. Nick starts crying. Lemony vows to murder Olaf. During Lemony’s nightmare, while Larry is near, he screams Violet and Lilac’s name.

Lilac and Violet discover more pieces of the puzzle which has them accusing lemony of kidnapping them from their mother. Lilac is in shock and tears repeating: no, no. he wouldn’t. no. While violet is in angry shock. Lilac breaks down and Violet tells her she can’t act like that when he’s around or he’ll know. Violet wants to surprise him. Lilac is mad at her for snooping in the first place and ruining their perfect lives. Violet gets mad saying their lives are LIES not PERFECT. They figure out his combo is LVS for (Lilac Violet Snicket)

MISERABLE MILL:

Nick and Sunny question Poe on why a lumbermill is a good place for 4 children to live. While Klaus and Soli just stare at the pictures that they found. Klaus and Nick are annoyed when Poe won’t let them try to pronounce Sir’s name. Both Soli and Sunny cuss out Poe and Nick and Klaus are annoyed cause they can. Klaus sees the optometry building and says fuck it who cares about our parents' mysteries lets get the fuck out. Nick tells Klaus that he’ll protect them and they have to stay and figure out shit.

They’ll meet Charles and they like him. They meet Sir and Nick is a little shit to Sir. Nick and Klaus argue about the fact that if Sir and Charles are their guardians why should they work for them. Also, after Sunny explains to Klaus that sir and Charles are gay (by saying Duncan), Klaus still doesn’t get it. Nick annoyed at their situation yells. THEY’RE GAY DUMB ASS.

Sir makes 12-year-olds, toddler, and baby work in the lumbermill. They meet Phil, they like him although everyone but Soli thinks he is a tad bit annoying cause he’s an optimist.

Klaus still says Olaf returning is a GOOD thing, Nick looks like he could kill Klaus for simply saying that. Soli is the only one who slightly agrees cause she does not want to work at a lumber mill but she doesn’t say anything seeing Nick and Sunny telling Klaus he is a dumb ass.

Nick is ready to kill the mill workers who say his parents are arsonists. When Soli and sunny are sleeping Klaus and Nick whisper asking each other if the girls are asleep. Klaus tells Nick he wants to run away and Nick tells Klaus that he thinks they should stay and clear their parents' name. Klaus replies with: once again you and I are on the wrong page bro.” which hurts Nick but he doesn’t show it.

Lemony feels tension from Violet and sadness from Lilac. He doesn’t understand why one daughter looks ready to murder and the other looks ready to break down. He asks they don’t answer. He promises to find their mother to hopefully calm them down, both girls slightly believe him.

Klaus and Nick get too stimulated in the lumbermill because of the noise and Klaus starts crying. Nick tells him to man up and just suffer through. Once they clear their parents' names the four off them will take their earnings and run away.

Soli and Sunny do better at debarking than the boys. Nick flips out on the millworkers when he is told they will not be getting paid and their lunch is gum. Klaus now really wants Olaf to return so they can leave since Nick won’t listen to him. They all discuss how shit their lives are nowadays as they try to sneak to the library, they’re caught and Sir demands them to go back to work. Charles uses the lame excuse of Sir having a terrible childhood to justify his actions towards the kids. Nick and Klaus simultaneously replied: we are having a terrible childhood right now. as they carry their sisters back. Klaus tries to tell Nick he assumes that Olaf is the foreman just for Nick to ignore him like violet did in the Netflix show.

the Foreman breaks his glasses so he’d have to go to Orwells. His siblings freak the fuck out when they’re told that the eye-shaped building is where Klaus is going. Klaus tells them he’ll find evidence there.

Klaus’ FIRST optometrist’s appointment goes as written in MLC. Nick is the one who does most of the researching not Sunny. Sunny and Soli find the dictionary and their father’s handwriting (like in Netflix). The three overhear Sir and Charles talking about a cover-up. Klaus does not SEE Olaf but he hears him (like IN MLC). He is then hypnotized.

Nick, Soli, and Sunny go absolutely insane while waiting for Klaus back. Soli decides to sleep the anxiety away, Sunny cooks with Phil and Nick paces back and forth flipping out. Blaming himself like Sunny does in MLC. All three siblings have no fun, but mainly Nick. He is losing it. He feels like he has broken his promise to his parents. He promised to keep Klaus and the girls safe and he failed. He thinks Olaf has Klaus and is torturing him because unlike Sunny, HE KNOWS what Olaf did to Klaus and he HATES himself so much right now. He doesn’t let a sleeping Soli out of his sight and he begs Sunny to check up with him every ten minutes when she is cooking with Phil.

When Klaus comes back, the girls are asleep and Nick thinks Klaus is just messing with him and he tells Klaus that he is not funny at all. Nick tucks Klaus in and puts Sunny and Soli in his bunk because he can see something is wrong with Klaus. He cries himself to sleep as he holds his sisters because he blames himself.

Klaus nearly kills Sunny by nearly dropping her into the lumbermill machine, Nick had to take her from him and Klaus tried to grab Soli from Nick but he told Klaus to back the fuck off.

He’s unhypnotized and his glasses are delivered. Nick does not trust Orwell at all and he’s confused as to why Klaus is so chill, he knows that Klaus hates optometrists. (also with that flashback, Nick continuously teased Klaus about getting glasses but when it came to the appointment, Klaus wanted Bea or Bertrand to sit with him and Bertrand did until the doctor explained that Bertrand was too big to sit with Klaus so Nick VOLUNTEERED to sit with his brother for the appointment. The doctor allowed that and Nick let Klaus sit in his lap to calm him down.).

Klaus causes the accident which nearly got Nick (because when Fernald whispers to him, he tells Klaus to try to use the machine to hurt Nick, the only reason he missed is that Phil pushed Nick out of the way.

Klaus is unhypnotized because of Sir and Nick and the girls are relieved. Sir warns them that they can’t fuck up anymore. Foreman trips Klaus again and Nick tells the foreman that Klaus is not leaving without his siblings. The foreman tells him too bad so Klaus starts walking blindly alone but his siblings reach him and Nick places his hand in Klaus’ and hands him Sunny telling him: it’s just us. Who cares what the foreman says. We got you, bro.

Violet and Lilac find the letter about how Beatrice wanted to share the custody. How Lemony was only supposed to be babysitting his daughters and he shouldn’t have gotten full custody. This BREAKS Lilac who just starts crying and throwing things across the room and Violet tries to calm her but Lilac pushes her away. Violet’s inner core begins to heat up. She was ready to tell off Lemony. Lilac tries to convince her to be rational. let him explain. Lilac refused to believe that Lemony would kidnap them but Violet doesn’t know what is true or not so she’s done.

When Lemony comes home, Vi is sitting down with the evidence while Lilac is leaning against the counter wiping tears from her face. She calmly says: Lemony, we need to talk. When Lemony questions what she just called him, Vi says: sit down, Lemony.

The whole chapter goes as is, but with Lilac’s sad/mad questions and reactions. She’s trying to side with Violet but also sides with her father. She begs Violet to calm down because Violet’s making her too anxious but she is also begging her father to stop lying. When he won't and he tries to leave this is when Lilac loses her cool and both girls at the same time yell that they hate him. Which breaks him. Violet finally breaks down crying and as she falls to the ground, Lilac catches her and they both are an angry crying mess until they eventually fall asleep.

The four Baudelaires debate whether or not to just run away but Klaus explains that he needs his glasses if they’re going to survive on their own. Nick tries to apologize but Klaus tells him it’s not his fault. Sunny, Soli, and Nick once they SEE Shirley starts flipping the fuck out. Nick shoves his sisters into Klaus’ hands (who is confused as fuck cause he can’t see shit, but he’s shaking) and Nick has his fists ready to fight Olaf.

Olaf laughs and Orwell sweetly puts the girls on the couch and tells Nick to sit down and have some cookies as she takes Klaus to get new glasses. Nick interrogates Olaf as he guards his sisters. When Olaf described cutting Klaus until his blood bleeds out like a waterfall, instead of scaring Nick, he INFURIATES Nick and Nick demands his sisters to stay on the couch as he starts walking towards Olaf with MURDER in his eyes. He’s cursing and threatening Olaf as Olaf begins to throw cookies at Nick. (Soli and Sunny are catching the cookies as they laugh cause Olaf is scared of a 12-year-old boy). Olaf runs in the exam room and locks Nick out. Who starts trying to open the door.

Orwell tells Klaus she’s working with Olaf (the scene from MLC goes as is except with the mentions of Nick banging on the door and Klaus can hear Nick pleading to get in. Klaus tries to scream to Nick but Olaf and Orwell won’t let him. Orwell is annoyed through all of this. Klaus has the worst panic attack ever because Olaf is trying to scare him and starts describing what he plans to do with Nick, Soli, Sunny, and Klaus once he has them back in his custody. Klaus gets rehypnotized and Orwell gives Klaus back to his siblings. Nick jumps on Olaf and tries to kill him once he sees Klaus’ grey eyes again. Orwell pulls him off Olaf and tells him to get back home. Nick takes his sisters and his brother and walks out. Cussing both of them out. He realizes that Klaus is hypnotized.

Nick, Soli and Sunny try to research how to unhypnotized Klaus (like in the book) while they leave Klaus in the Baudelaire bunk in the dorm. Sir explains to them one more mess up and Shirley will be their guardian but Nick tries to explain to Sir that Klaus is hypnotized. Charles is also hypnotized cause of course.

Violet and Lilac wake up and question each other on whether or not all that shit happened. Violet tells Lilac that it did and this causes Lilac to feel like shit. Tell ing Violet they have to apologize the next time they see him. Violet is like no! we’re right. Lilac explains that with his enemies out there, one of these days they could lose him without warning so they need to watch what they say. Violet agrees although she still believes they have every right to be mad and Lilac agrees that they do.

Nick, Soli, and Sunny interrupt Olaf’s plan. Nick puts Soli and sunny on the ground to try and push Klaus away from the controls but Olaf orders a hypnotized Klaus to knock Nick out. Which eventually he does. (yes, Olaf would do that if this was 6B MLC).

Soli and Sunny try to figure out the word that will unhypnotize Klaus as Soli shouts fire to unhypnotize the rest of th mill workers when Fernald uses it to unhypnotize Charles by accident. Sunny tries to free Charles and Orwell starts sword fighting with BOTH Baudelaire babies as both girls try to say the word (Soli is almost able to say it but she still can’t.) Orwell demands Klaus to not listen to his sisters since they’re saying lucky and demanding him to stop from killing Charles.

Sunny continues to sword fight as Soli sees a green smoke, Sir, she tries getting who she believes is Sir to say ‘inordinate’. Lemony does. Lemony checks on Nick, who is slowly waking up. When he’s doing this, his smoke clears. Allowing the Baudelaires and Olaf to see his face (the same scene happens except) Olaf grabs Nick and Klaus and demands to know which kid is Lemony’s. Lemony explains that their twins and their both Bertrands. Nick, not thinking, begins correcting Lemony about how twins can be from different fathers until Klaus tells him to shut the fuck up. Olaf asks him which boy is his...Lemony tries to explain to Olaf that neither child is his. Olaf then questions Lemony about Soli and Sunny who are hiding behind Lemony’s legs begging Lemony to save their brothers.  Olaf keeps looking from Nick and Klaus and finally, he looks at Klaus and says: it’s your lucky day, four eyes. You look more like Bertrand... and he throws Klaus to the ground as he glares at Nick. he says: But you....you don’t look like Klaus or Bertrand. But yet your his twin... Nick starts pleading with Olaf that Bertrand is his father and he doesn’t know this man. Lemony is also pleading with Olaf explaining that NIck looks like Beatrice but Olaf isn’t listening. He is slowly moving closer to the giant saw with every intention to throw Nick into the saw. The three younger Baudelaires plead with Olaf, all of them sacrificing themselves for Nick. Olaf calls Nick, Nicholas Snicket and Nick and Lemony both yell that he’s not a Snicket. Before Olaf has a chance to throw Nick into the saw, Olaf is thrown to the ground by Klaus who jumped on Olaf and Nick. Olaf wrestles Klaus off of him as Nick gets to his feet. The Baudeboys hide behind Lemony as Olaf has  a fucking meltdown. The lumber mill workers begin to break in as the real Sir comes out of nowhere. Lemony apologizes quickly and leaves the kids as Olaf vows to kill him and then as Olaf escapes he promises the Baudelaires he’ll be back but he calls out to Nick saying: Especially YOU dear Nicholas.

Nick thanks Klaus for saving him and they let the millworkers attack Sir. Sir tells them they’re out. Nick, Klaus, Soli, and Sunny are okay with that. Nick tells his siblings to sleep as he waits up and watches.

EPILOGUE:

Klaus and Nick don’t know what to do about helping Soli and Sunny change. They don’t like the idea of Soli being the protector (which she suggests), Isadora pops up and offers to help. Nick and Klaus aren’t the happiest about this idea but what can they do. Isadora escorts the young girls to the girls' bathroom and asks the boys to tell her brother to hurry up.

NIck and Klaus change. Nick can sort of tie a tie (better than Klaus and Duncan).

When Klaus references Peter Pan, Nick mocks him but Duncan explains that he thought it was cute because he loves Peter Pan too. Klaus and Duncan are cutesy and Nick is just smirking like an evil big brother. He keeps making sly comments to Klaus about Duncan ESPECIALLY when Duncan is tying Klaus’ tie. Klaus is dying of embarrassment and Nick is having the time of his life. Isadora sees this and she has the same reaction as Nick. Nick even says to her: you and I are going to become good friends.

Lemony rushes home, Jacky is worried about ‘Emily’ and “Malina’ and makes Violet and Lilac go ahead of him. Both refuse and demand answers. He looks to Lilac and says remember your promise which makes Lilac break. She begs him to go with them. He hands Lilac his wallet and looks at Violet and says: I need you to promise to look out for Lilac...and not give her too much trouble. This causes both girls to break and they each hug him separately and then hug him together. EVERYTHING THAT HE SAYS TO VIOLET HE SAYS TO BOTH OF THEM. all of that cutesy soft angsty shit he says to both.

Violet and Lilac have to drag each other to the store. They wait, the shopkeeper keeps talking to them in code. They see the firetrucks and run. When Lilac hears a voice, she grabs Violet and they hide behind a dumpster and hear Olaf (they don’t know it is him yet of course). Violet and Lilac build a grappling hook together. Lilac breaks the window and Violet breaks the door. They both go to save their father. The same scene just add Lilac. Both girls are begging the other to stay close. Lilac falls to the ground first because she can’t breathe, Violet begs her to not die on her too. Both girls are desperately searching for their father when the building shakes, Violet refuses to leave but Lilac begs her that they need to leave. They need to keep the promise. They have to keep their promise and keep each other safe. both girls fall to the ground and they both think they’re dying. So Jacquelyn and Larry burst in and save them. Larry grabbing Violet and Jacquelyn grabbing Lilac. (scene follows, they blame themselves they hate themselves. they watch the building collapse and beg to not be indicted into VFD. Lilac says if they have to indict someone make it her just leave Violet alone. Jacky asks if they’d be comfortable staying with her for a night and Larry and Jacky take the girls to Jacky's apartment.

link to my fic: Misery Loves Company part 1:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/20307649/chapters/48143287

link to Connie’s Six Baudelaires part 1:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18371576/chapters/43501190

[thedarkrose17]

Chapters: 10/? Fandom: Final Fantasy XV Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Prompto Argentum/Noctis Lucis Caelum, Gladiolus Amicitia/Ignis Scientia Characters: Prompto Argentum, Noctis Lucis Caelum, Gladiolus Amicitia, Ignis Scientia Additional Tags: Mutual Pining, Eventual Relationships, Accidental Baby Acquisition, Bisexual Prompto Argentum, Gay Noctis Lucis Caelum, Asexual Noctis Lucis Caelum

New chapter~ as usual either read on the link or under the cut

Everything seemed ok when they'd been returning late at night from a hunt, until an Iron Giant formed.

Prompto summons his gun and fires. Looking at the daemon like he's seen a ghost. His fingers tremble on his gun and upon closer inspection, Noctis can see his boyfriend is tearing up.

Noctis decides at that point to grab him and warp to safety. Clearly something's not right. He's never reacted like this before.

Prompto vomits inches away from Noctis' boots after the warp which Noctis quickly avoids. His boyfriend throwing up due to warping isn't a concern. He's experienced nausea due to warping in the past. Hell Noctis threw up on himself and Gladio's shoes the first time he tried warping.

Noctis rubs his back as Gladio and Ignis head over. They look concerned, Gladio mouthing "Is he sick?" to which Noctis mouths back "No. Warp sickness." to which Gladio grimaces and Ignis looks a little sorry for Prompto.

Noctis then turns his attention back to his boyfriend, muttering to him just loud enough for Ignis and Gladio to hear.

"We're gonna fix these nightmares. Together. I swear."

* * *

A couple of days after, Noctis gets sick.

It's food poisoning and honestly it's a miracle how none of the others got it. Ignis can't pinpoint which diner caused this or what meal. They'd been to a few.

Noctis has a temperature and shivers whenever he's in the bedroom despite being bundled up in blankets with a cool washcloth on his head. He almost looks younger than he is like this.

When he's not deciding to live in the bathroom for a few hours or napping in the bed, the prince mutters about cramps and everything aching which Ignis keeps explaining that everything aches due to said prince being generally unwell.

He's paler than usual but slowly improving over the coming days. Still for some reason Prompto uncharacteristically doesn't handle it well. Normally he'd feel bad for Noctis yes but he's never shut down.

Gladio practically having to carry the blonde away from Noctis just so he won't get sick. Prompto honestly doesn't even put up a fight, doesn't even speak. It's easily wrote on his face how stressed out he is. He's normally good at masking these things but the blonde just looks extremely stressed and exhausted.

He finally speaks when they head into the bathroom.

"...Where's my baby?"

"With Cor...I don't think you should see him like this." Gladio says, earning a confused look from Prompto. "You look five seconds from a panic attack."

Prompto chuckles, (It sounds forced in Gladio's opinion) before resting a hand against his face and sighing.

"...I'm a mess." he confesses, making Gladio sigh.

"Somethin's not right." he replies and Prompto hums in agreement.

"I know...I'm sorry."

"Ain't got nothing to apologise for." Gladio says, raising a brow. "It's not your fault."

Prompto sighs and runs his fingers through his hair before resting his head in his hands.

"I feel like I'm going crazy…" he mutters quietly.

"If it's any comfort, you wouldn't know if you went crazy." Gladio replies.

"Ah...Great…Real comforting."

"I'm serious." Gladio replies. "You're sane."

Prompto shifts positions and hugs his knees, going quiet for a few moments as he blankly stares off.

"You ever had a nightmare that feels real...So real it feels like deja vu?" he mutters so quietly Gladio has to strain to hear him.

"...No why?"

"I...I keep having the same nightmare...It's too often to be a coincidence now...Either I'm going nuts or anxiety is fucking with me...Or I don't know." he glances over at Gladio, looking stressed.

Gladio looks back at him. He's dealt with his little sister having nightmares in the past but nothing to the point where she was like Prompto has been over the past few weeks

Prompto sighs and carefully pushes himself up off the bathroom floor. He goes to turn on the sink to splash water on his face but Gladio stops him, grabbing his wrist.

"Wanna talk about it more?" he asks and Prompto shakes his head.

"...Maybe later...I'm gonna go hang out with dad and my little sunbeam."

"Ok. Make sure you take a nap too. You look exhausted."

Gladio manages to make him smile with that so he'll call that a little victory for now. A bigger victory would be Noctis getting better quicker and him bringing back Prompto's smile.

"Starting to sound like Ignis." Prompto replies.

Gladio snorts and ruffles his hair. "Nah he's too soft on you two. I'm more the dad friend."

"Honestly I'd say big brother friend. Kind of a dick at times but willing to fist fight anyone who hurt us on the nearest parking lot."

Gladio laughs and jabs him softly in the arm.

"Little shit." he mutters fondly. He won't deny it though.

* * * Prompto naps in Cor's room next door, Cor sighs and switches to holding Solis with one arm before running a hand through Prompto's hair.

Part of him wishes he could somehow fight whatever is happening in his son's head just so he didn't have to see him so exhausted and stressed.

Solis makes grabby hands for his dad so Cor decides to move the baby closer to Prompto. Said baby then proceeds to pat Prompto's hair almost like he's trying to comfort him but honestly it's probably due to the fact he's happy to see Prompto like always.

He squeals and Cor quietly hushes him hoping not to wake up Prompto. He hopes that maybe he's too exhausted to even dream just so that nightmares won't plague him.

* * * Prompto's been staying in his dad's room with the baby for a couple of days, just so he can try and sleep better and so Solis doesn't get sick from Noctis.

He'll text Gladio soon to ask if Noctis is feeling any better. Hopefully he's not annoyed by the fact Prompto's been avoiding explaining his nightmare.

Prompto lies on the floor with Solis, planting kisses on Solis' face much to the baby's delight.

Solis squeals happily at every kiss until Prompto's phone kweh's loudly, startling him. He whines and the blonde carefully picks him up, rubbing his back as he grabs his phone.

"It's ok buddy." he mutters to the baby over and over as he unlocks his phone. He beams when the notification says Noctis' contact name: 'Prince of garbage'

"Daddy's texting." he tells Solis as he opens the text.

'Miss you. Both of you.'

Prompto smiles tiredly and repositions Solis in his arms before deciding to video chat Noctis. It'll be easier to speak like this.

"Heyas." he says, before glancing at Solis who's staring at Noctis on the phone screen. The baby shrieks and flails excitedly which makes Prompto laugh. "Yeah it's daddy!" he coos to him making Noctis smile.

"Missed you too Sol." Noctis says, warm smile on his face. He looks healthier thankfully.

"You feeling ok today?" Prompto asks, trying to stop Solis from touching the screen. "Don't touch that pumpkin, it'll end the call."

Solis pats the screen and Noctis witnesses the view change from their faces to his boyfriend's pants and back to his boys faces.

Prompto blushes a little and smiles a little embarrassed. Noctis thinks it's endearing if he's being honest.

"Sorry, Solis knocked the phone out of my hand." the blonde says, glancing down at the baby in his other arm, said baby coos and goes to touch the screen again.

"What? You don't want to talk to your old man?" Noctis ask, smile on his face.

"Dude don't call yourself old. We're only 20." Prompto mutters. "Besides Sol's missed his daddy, he just wants to pat your face. Ain't that right buddy?"

Solis squeals causing Prompto to smile and Noctis to laugh before the duo slip into a comfortable silence for a few seconds.

"I'm feeling good." Noctis speaks up. Finally answering Prompto's question. "Not sick anymore."

Prompto cheers, planting a kiss on Solis' head the moment the baby whines about the cheering. Solis rewards him with a gentle heel to the rib which Prompto gasps at.

"Did you kick me?" he asks the infant who drools and sticks his own fist in his mouth.

Noctis watches them fondly before speaking up again.

"You feeling ok?"

"...Still having nightmares." the blonde admits which makes Noctis deflate. "B-But I'm ok! I've been sleeping through them."

"...You want to try Carbuncle again?"

"I'd feel bad taking him from the baby." Prompto admits. "I-I can handle it."

Noctis doesn't sound too sure. He's tempted to visit Prompto's dreams with Carbuncle to try and combat this.

"Sooo...How's things?" Prompto asks, changing the subject. He doesn't want to drag the mood down.

"...I've been wearing the same thing for a week." Noctis admits, looking embarrassed.

"Gross." Prompto whines.

Noctis huffs. "I've been too bad to deal with it until now."

Prompto grimaces and sighs. "I'd hug you but-"

"Honestly wouldn't recommend it yet. Wait until after I've changed and showered."

Prompto hugs the phone to his chest, he hears Noctis' confusion muffled against him and it's only when he pulls the phone back into view does he see an utterly adorable confused Noctis.

"I mean I can't hug you yet so I'll hug video chat you."

Noctis snorts and smiles at him.

"Astrals you're such a dork."

"Hey!" Prompto laughs only to wince moments later.

"You ok?" Noctis asks, concern in his voice.

"Yeah just...Stomach hurts." Prompto replies.

"Take your medicine then." Noctis says, still concerned.

"I did...It's not working." Prompto admits, looking flustered.

Noctis feels bad for him. "Come back to the room. Lie down next to me."

Prompto looks horrified at the suggestion.

"I'll shower and change." he adds.

"You sure it's ok?" Prompto asks.

"We're dating, it's fine. Do you want anything else?"

"Just for the medicine to kick in." the blonde replies.

"Give it time." Noctis replies.

Prompto whines and mutters something Noctis barely understands.

"...Stomach."

"Mmh?"

"I just need to rub my stomach...Maybe it'll help until the meds work." the blonde admits.

"I'll do it if you want." Noctis replies noticing the blonde turn scarlet.

"I-I...If you're sure it's ok."

"I want my boyfriend to be comfortable. It's fine Prom." Noctis smiles at him and smiles more when Prompto bites his lip to try and stop a massive grin spreading across his face.

"I like hearing you call me your boyfriend." he admits before burying his head against Solis.

Solis stares at Noctis and makes grabby hands at the phone,wanting to be picked up by him.

He coos and makes little noises at the phone before patting Prompto's freckled arm.

"Hey." he mutters to the baby who squeals before flailing against Prompto. He laughs a little before speaking up again. "You should probably head over before he gets more excited."

Prompto plants a kiss on Solis' head and agrees, wishing Noctis a quick goodbye before ending the video chat.

Cor looks over at his son, raising a brow.

"When did you start dating?"

Prompto laughs nervously.

"A week ago." he admits with a blush. "Please don't do the protective dad talk."

"Don't need to." Cor replies causing Prompto sigh in relief. "I doubt he'll hurt you. If he does then he'll regret it immediately."

Prompto squeaks and Solis stares at him looking surprised his papa made such a noise.

"Don't commit regicide please."

* * * Prompto heads to the hotel room next door, baby in tow.

He tries to reposition Solis in his hold while said baby pats the door, giggling to himself.

"You're too cute for your own good." he mutters to his son, who shrieks and slaps his little hands harder on the door. "Don't do that, you'll hurt your hands sunbeam."

Solis startles seconds later as Gladio opens the door.

"Were you hitting the door kid?" he asks fondly.

"He really wants to get in. You missed Gladdy?" Prompto glances at the baby, who flails excitedly moments later with a happy shriek.

Gladio for once lets the nickname slide for Prompto and laughs. Usually only Iris is allowed to call him such but seeing Solis so excited is worth it.

He steps aside to let them in, Solis squealing at the sight of Ignis which brings a chuckle out of the man.

"He's excited to be back it seems." Ignis comments.

"He was slapping the door to get in Iggy, kid's more than excited." Gladio replies making Ignis smile.

Prompto groans a little and heads over to his and Noctis' bed, relieved at the fact that the sheets are fresh and cool when he carefully lies down with the baby.

Both older men look over in concern.

"Everything alright?" Ignis asks.

"Stomach." Prompto replies, the two understanding immediately.

"Did you-"

"Yeah, not kicked in yet."

"Good luck." Gladio says with a wince.

Solis pats Prompto's chest which is a welcomed distraction so he leaves his baby to his own devices, occasionally rubbing his back as he does.

* * * He almost drifts off at some point but is startled into alertness when Solis shrieks excitedly. Opening an eye reveals Noctis, carefully lying next to him in some pjs.

"Where you asleep?" Noctis asks with a wince, gently running a hand through Solis' fluffy blonde baby hair.

"Almost...I think?" Prompto carefully scoots closer to him with the baby. Said baby proceeds to pat Noctis' face and squeal at him, he can't blame Solis for missing Noctis, he has too.

Noctis carefully takes the baby from Prompto,resting his chin against Solis' head gently.

"Don't sniff the soybean." Prompto mutters with a smile.

Noctis looks scandalized hearing their son being called soybean. He figured there wouldn't be anymore bean related names for their little ray of sunshine.

"I'm not." he replies with a pout. He is. "What's he-"

"Fruit. It's his shampoo." Prompto interrupts, soft sleepy smile on his face.

Noctis repositions Solis in his arms,bringing the baby boy close to his face. Solis takes this as a chance to grab some of his father's dark locks.

"Don't eat it." Noctis mutters as he stops the baby from putting his hair in his mouth. Noctis receives a whine in response which prompts him to kiss the infant's cheek.

Prompto smiles at the duo before they fall into a comfortable silence.

* * * Prompto drifts off fairly soon after, Noctis' free arm draped around his stomach, warm on his skin.

Noctis glances over before deciding to join him. He needs to talk to Carbuncle to see if maybe the creature can get him into Prompto's dreams.

He wants to fix this, help his boyfriend out and if he can't do that in reality, then maybe it's time to take the battle into the dream world.

[unfortunate-stranger-losers]

Six Baudelaires AU, Part Two {AO3} {Masterlist} {Part One}

Chapter Thirty-Four → Epilogue - in which they should have said something

“Alright, children,” Beatrice said, laughing, “Get in here.” 

The wooden door creaked open, and the five Baudelaires peered in. 

“It was Nick’s idea.” Violet said. 

“Shut up, no it wasn’t!” Nick said. 

Bertand and Beatrice both laughed, as their kids walked guiltily into their parents’ office. Bertrand turned to the record, and the children thought he would turn it off, but instead, he started the song over. 

“Well,” Beatrice held out her hand for the closest child- Nick, who was holding Solitude with one arm. “Do you want to dance, good sir?” 

“I suck at dancing, and I’m carrying a baby.” Nick said. 

“Well, so am I.” Beatrice laughed, glancing down at her stomach, which was indeed quite swollen. “But that’s not stopping me.” 

“Come on.” Bertrand said, taking Violet’s hands and spinning her as she giggled. “It’s Duke Ellington. That’s your fav, Li.” 

Lilac laughed slightly, and then grabbed onto Klaus. “Alright, then. Dance with me, Klaus!” 

“Wait, no, I-” he stuttered, but soon Lilac had him whirling around with her around the carpet. Nick laughed and spun with his Mom, while Solitude, only barely a year old, giggled and clapped and cheered. After a moment, Bertrand spun Violet, and Lilac spun into his arms, laughing as he dipped her slightly. Violet tried to dip Klaus, and failed, and the two of them ended up on a pile on the floor, laughing their heads off. 

Nick swapped with Lilac, and Bertrand danced with him a bit, the two of them laughing as Solitude tried to grab onto her Dad’s sweater to trip him up, while Lilac and Beatrice very seriously twirled around in their long dresses, watching their skirts spin around them. Then they swapped again, and the siblings all let out mock groans as Beatrice dipped her husband into a kiss. 

“God, guys, get a room!” Nick shouted. 

“Nick!” Lilac scolded, while Violet burst into laughter again. 

“Locus?” Solitude asked, biting on the edge of her collar, which meant, “What does that mean?” 

“It means I’m going to kill your brother.” Lilac hissed. 

“It means,” Beatrice laughed, sitting down on the sofa, “That Mother and Father love each other very much.” 

“I think kid number six clued us into that.” Nick said, and Lilac elbowed him in the ribs. “Ow! Li!” 

Bertrand sat beside his wife, putting his arm around her, and soon their kids ran to sit by them. “What song is this?” Violet asked. 

Beatrice smiled over at Soli, who was curled up on Nick’s lap, biting his sweater. “It’s got a very special name, isn’t that right, dear?” Solitude giggled. 

“Why were you dancing?” Klaus asked, bouncing his leg as he leaned his head on Violet’s shoulder. 

“Because we can.” Bertrand said. “Who doesn’t love dancing?” 

“Maybe the baby won’t.” Lilac shrugged. “What’re you naming it again?” 

“Dashiell if it’s a boy,” Bertrand replied, “Sunny if it’s a girl.” 

“It better be Dashiell.” Nick said. “Or we’re gonna be outnumbered even more.” 

“I can’t exactly choose, Nick.” Beatrice laughed. 

“Why’d you decide to have another baby?” Klaus asked. “I mean, why would you do this whole pregnancy thing again?” 

Beatrice smiled slightly. “Will you believe me if I say it’s because I enjoy being a mother? Because it’s true.” 

“I won’t.” Violet said. “I think it’s cause-” 

Lilac slapped her hand over her sister’s mouth. “Violet just thinks it was a pleasant surprise, is all.” She then recoiled, letting out a screech as Violet started laughing again. “Did you just lick my hand?” 

“Well, anyway,” Nick interrupted, “I’m glad we’re getting a new sibling.”

Lilac raised an eyebrow suspiciously. “Why?” 

“Cause now I don’t have to share Soli.” 

Beatrice sighed, while Violet and Soli laughed. “Nick, we’ve talked about this.” 

“You all can have the new one.” Nick said. “I’ll raise Soli alone in the woods, with bugs and snakes.” 

Solitude’s eyes lit up at the prospect, and she said, “Anguis!” which meant, “I would like that very much!” 

“Maybe when you’re old enough to build your own shelter.” Bertrand said. “And find food for the two of you.” 

Nick scoffed. “We’ll just eat dirt.” 

“You will not.” Lilac said. 

“Lios!” Soli giggled. “Dirt!” 

“Hey, can we get a dog?” Violet asked suddenly. 

Beatrice jumped. “I’m sorry?” 

“Well, we should have a dog that can track us all, should one of us go missing in a crowd.” Violet said. “Since there’s gonna be six of us. We don’t want another train station incident.” 

Beatrice and Bertrand shared a concerned look, and Lilac said, “I’m sorry, are you going to feed the dog?” 

“Yeah, totally. They can have my leftovers.” 

“Violet!” 

“We should get a tarantula.” Nick said. “It can eat all the bugs.” 

“We are not getting a tarantula!” Klaus said. 

“I think maybe we should focus on the new baby before we talk about any pets.” Beatrice said. 

“We could adopt one of the outdoors animals.” Nick suggested. 

Beatrice and Bertrand turned to look at him. “The what?” Bertrand asked. 

“I keep hearing animals outside my window, every now and again.” Nick shrugged. “Howling or yipping or sometimes breaking a branch. Maybe if we brought them into the house, they wouldn’t get in so much trouble.” 

“Can you imagine if it was a wolf?” Violet sighed. “I would love a pet wolf.” 

“That would be incredibly dangerous.” Lilac said. 

“I dunno, I think Soli could beat it in a biting contest.” Nick said. 

“I’d rather not test that.” Beatrice said. “Don’t worry about animals outside your window. They can take care of themselves. If they can’t, just tell us, okay?” 

“Oh! I just remembered!” Violet leaned forwards, eyes shining. “You know how Soli’s mobile keeps falling? I was thinking that me and Li could make a new one for the baby. Like, with cute little animal carvings on it.” 

“I don’t remember agreeing to this.” Lilac said. 

“So you won’t do it?” 

“I didn’t say that!” 

“I think that’d be a great idea.” Bertrand said. 

“Nick and I could read some books on how to care for babies, so we can help!” Klaus suggested. 

“I read all those books already.” Nick said. 

Klaus stared at him. “You what?” 

“I need to know how not to kill my best friend!” Nick said, gesturing to Solitude, who was biting off part of his sleeve. 

“Children,” Beatrice said, “It’s getting late. You really should be in bed.” 

“But we wanna dance with you.” Lilac said. “You and Dad.” 

“I don’t want Soli to go to her own room.” Nick huffed. “I want a sleepover!” 

“I don’t.” Klaus said. “Last time she slept in our room, she woke us up by crying at three in the morning, and then she proceeded to bite off one of the table legs.” 

“Not her fault!” 

“How was that not her fault?” 

“Alright,” Bertrand said, “Bedtime. Now. Tomorrow, why don’t we go to the store and get all that stuff for the mobile?” 

“Sounds great, Father!” Violet beamed. “And we can get some not-goth clothes for Lilac.” 

“Not likely.” Lilac said. 

The kids stood up, and then Beatrice said, “Wait, Lilac, can you stay a moment?” 

Lilac nodded, and as her siblings ran out, giggling and shoving each other, she asked, “Do you need me for something?” 

Beatrice stood by her daughter, putting her hands on her shoulders and smiling softly at her. “You’ll be as tall as me soon, won’t you?” Lilac shrugged, and Beatrice only laughed for a moment before her face grew very serious. She looked right into her eldest daughter’s eyes. 

Lilac had her father’s eyes. 

“I know we’ve told you this before,” she said, “But you are the eldest child. You know what that means?” 

Lilac nodded. “That I have to take care of my siblings. And I will.” 

Beatrice nodded, and then she said, “You’re growing into such an incredible young woman, Lilac.” 

“Mom.” Lilac groaned. “Stop being mushy.” 

“She’s right.” Bertrand said, smiling over at his eldest daughter. 

“Oh, God, not you, too.” Lilac said, and her parents laughed. “Is this all you wanted to talk to me about?” 

Beatrice paused, considering, and then said, “Yeah. Go ahead and go to bed.” 

Lilac nodded, and turned and ran off, her braids flying behind her. 

When she was gone, the door swinging shut behind her, Beatrice’s face fell, and she said, “Are we putting too much on her?” 

“Nothing’s going to happen to her, Bea.” Bertrand said, moving to turn off the record. “Not while we’re here.” 

“If we fail-” 

“We won’t. Sure, it’ll take some time-” 

“What if we don’t have that long?” 

“We will. We’ll get through it, like we’ve gotten through everything else.” 

Beatrice sighed and sat on the sofa. She grabbed a book from the table beside her, flipping it open; it was a scrapbook, of their first few years of marriage. She turned to a selection of beach photos, slowly pulling out a small picture of baby Lilac, sitting on Briny Beach. It hadn’t been the first time she’d seen the ocean, but she’d still been so excited to splash in the water. 

“If we fail,” she said, “So many people will want to hurt them.” 

“Then we’ll just have to make sure we don’t fail.” 

“Especially Lilac.” Beatrice’s voice broke a little, as Bertrand sat beside her again. “Our enemies will go after her, and if anyone finds out that she’s…” she shut her eyes, and leaned her head on Bertrand’s shoulder. “She even sounds like him.” 

“I know.” Bertrand nodded. “But hopefully she’ll never even know anyone would wish her harm. Hopefully she’ll grow up in a world loud enough to thrive in.” 

Beatrice smiled a little. “They wouldn’t like to hear you say that.” 

“They wouldn’t like to hear us say a lot of things. Listen, Bea, I promise, we’ll take care of our kids.” 

Beatrice sighed. “Sometimes I think we should tell them.” 

“Do you want to?” 

She shook her head. “When they need to know, they’ll know.” She took the photo of Lilac and said, “I think I want to put this with his other stuff.” she paused, and then smiled, “Li really was his last gift to us, wasn’t she?” 

Bertrand nodded. “He couldn’t have given us a better one.” 

The caravan was falling. 

The caravan was falling, and Lilac was screaming, trying to throw herself at the window, as if she could reach Sunny. 

Violet was running around, grabbing hammocks and screaming about an invention, her hair tied back. 

Klaus was helping her, digging through a cabinet, looking panicked and on the edge of tears. 

Solitude was clinging to Nick, wailing at the top of her lungs. 

And Nick could barely move, could barely breathe. He was holding Solitude, he was holding her so tightly. 

All he could think was, They should have told us. They could have told us everything, but they didn’t. 

Why? Because they were ashamed? Because they thought we’d hate them? Because they thought we’d never have to deal with the fallout? 

Lilac fell beside Nick, throwing her arms around him and Soli. 

But we do. We do have to deal with it. 

It’s because of them. 

It’s because of them Lilac was almost married to Count Olaf, and was put under so much pressure she can’t cope. 

It’s because of them that Violet was kidnapped and hurt, and drugged out of her mind. 

It’s because of them that Klaus was hypnotized, and had to spend our birthday alone in jail. 

It’s because of them Solitude is growing up in this world, this cruel world that’s hurting her for existing. 

It’s because of them that Sunny is gone. 

Everything that those monsters did to me is because of them. 

Everything that has happened to us is because of them. 

Violet was screaming something at Lilac. Solitude was still crying very hard. Klaus was tossing something into a pitcher, as Lilac let out a loud sob. 

So nobody heard Nick whisper to himself. 

“They fuck you up, your Mom and Dad.” 

He moved his hand, so he could feel Mother’s necklace. 

She wouldn’t have wanted this, he knew. They both loved them, he knew. 

But he also knew he was mad as hell. 

They had a lot to answer for. 

“They may not mean to…” 

He shut his eyes and started to cry. 

“But they did.”

[houseofvans]

ART SCHOOL | Q&A WITH DAVID CHUNG (THE CHUNG)

Artist David Chung’s paintings, drawings and sketches are filled with colorful anthropomorphic characters from sword wielding pandas to rainbow spilling landscapes where skeletal heroes battle fuzzy cute creatures. Drawing from his own experiences and psyche, David’s uses his adorable and hilarious creations to help deal with the everyday stresses of life and as a form of catharsis. We’re excited to feature the work of David and talk about his art, his work as an Art Director at Dreamworks TV, and what new projects he’s got in the works! 

Find out more about David Chung by taking the leap below! 

Photography courtesy of the artist. 

Introduce yourself?   My name is David Chung, but a lot of people might know me as The Chung!! I’ve been living in Los Angeles for the past 11 years now, which technically makes California the longest place I’ve ever lived in my entire life. During the day I work in animation, currently as of this interview, I’m an art director at Dreamworks TV, but at night, I’m my own artist, free to do whatever I want!

How did you get into painting and art as a kid? What kinds of things were you influenced by? I’m not really sure how I got into art as a kid. I’ve been drawing for as long as I can remember. Much like all kids, I’ve always just enjoyed drawing and making art. I realized early on that I could be as weird as I wanted to be in my drawings, and that was a really liberating feeling. Earlier in my childhood I was raised in Hong Kong and Taiwan but my highschool years were spent in Upstate New York, where I graduated from. I pulled a lot of my influences from growing up in Asia and having a Chinese background, but the subjects and humor mostly came from living in the States.

How do you describe your work to folks who’ve never seen it before? I might describe it like watching an animated kids’ movie with a lot of jokes your pervy parents would appreciate.

You have various creatures and characters throughout your work that we love. Storytelling and humor are elements in your works as well. Can you tell us a little about how each piece evolves? What is your general artistic process like? I’ve been finding myself creating new characters based off of new ways I need to deal with my life at the moment. The characters that are in my work are compartmentalized parts of my psyche or emotions. Being able to take the everyday stresses of life and make cute characters go through it in a more harsh and humorous way is a really effective form of catharsis for me. About 90% of the subjects in my work are autobiographical. The humor in my work is just another way for me to prevent myself from ever taking myself too seriously. If I can’t laugh at my own work, then what’s the point.  

Do you have a main protagonist in your work? And who or what is it? How did it come about? It really depends on what I’m going through at the time of my life when I paint my characters. For example, my XiongMao (Panda) character was created during some pretty rough times. He represents my persistent side to survive. Grimothy (the little reaper dude) and Xiaguai (his little chinese demon friend) are my two mischievous daydreamer characters that are all about ditching their responsibilities to have fun adventures. Pouty Pig is the side of me that throws silent tantrums anytime he is unhappy about a certain situation, which apparently is a lot. These are just some of the few recurring characters in my work depending on how I’m feeling. I even have a few recurring antagonists such as the Happy who are pink soulless zombie-like creatures who roam the earth seemingly always happy, but they feed off of people’s energy like vampires. If you ever let them get a whiff that you’re not happy, that’s when they attack. I think we all know people like this. Right?? They’re the worst. I hate them.

What was your last adventure that showed up in one of your work, thematically or just visually? I do these sketches in my Instagram feed called “Procrast-O-Sketches” that usually follow my most current adventures. The overall sketches can be interpreted however you like, but for myself, friends and family in my inner circle, the subject matter is pretty esoteric. 

A pretty straight forward Procrast-O-Sketch is from Sept 21, 2018. We just moved into our new house in the beginning of September, and about 2 weeks after moving in, my 2 year old kept crying that there is a monster living in the house. He keeps saying it’s a shadow man that “kind of looks like Daddy” but sometimes it turns into a dog-like creature. He’ll be playing and being super happy, then all of a sudden he’ll see his shadow man, then will let out a terrified scream, scramble over to myself or his mom and cry that “The man is back!!” We’ve been trying to turn it into a game now by going monster hunting together, which seems to be helping. At least helping him... I’m terrified as shit now.

What is your favorite thing to draw or paint? I love drawing or painting creatures and characters in familiar situations that are way worse than my own.

What are your favorite tools?  Currently, I always have my little Pentalic Traveler Pocket Journal, a kneaded eraser and a good clutch pencil with me just in case I need a quick therapy sketch session to take out any frustrations. I feel like brands and mediums change all the time, but a good ol’ fashioned pencil and a sketchbook are always constant.

What’s a medium you have yet to try and would love to take a stab at? Oh man, there are way too many mediums I’d love to try one day. I would really like to try oils again. I haven’t messed around with oils since I was in college. I also really want to try out ceramics and bronze casting.

Not only do you draw and paint, you also work as an art director and designer at DreamWorks by day? What’s that like and how did you find yourself working for such a cool company? Dreamworks is a pretty awesome company to work for, and I’m not just being paid to say that. They’ve made me sign a contract to say that. But you know, overall it’s pretty awesome because of the people. I love being able to collaborate and riff off of other artists every day. All of whom are working toward the same goal of making the best looking product possible. I’ve been working in the animation industry for about 10+ years now, and over the past decade, I’ve met some really great people who I know I’d work with again and again like I have in the past. So when a lot of those people who felt the same about me ended up at Dreamworks, I was brought on over, and I’m super grateful for it.

How do you balance your work life with your artistic life? Or are they sort of one in the same? It’s actually pretty easy and difficult all at the same time. I deliberately try to separate my work-life from my art-life because what I do after work, is mine and mine alone. This keeps me from taking anything too personally when there are ridiculous amounts of notes and revisions to be made at work. Nothing is personal, and I’m totally okay with that. My job is to provide them with the work that they want. It’s a lot easier to make revisions when I know that as soon as I go home, I can start working on my own personal stuff that nobody can say shit about. 

The hard part is finding the time to have an art-life after work-life. It usually  means eliminating good health. Fortunately passion usually wins out over sleep, but unfortunately, “usually” isn’t always. Typical days at work can last 10-14 hours, and when I get home, I still want to be able to hang out with my wife and kid, which means I won’t even be able to get started on my own stuff til around 12-1am. Especially lately, due to the monster keeping my son up all through the night.

What are you constantly inspired by? And who are some of your early and current art influences? I’m constantly inspired by life and all of the little idiosyncratic behaviors we have. Human life is so interesting even at its most mundane moments. There’s always inspiration to be pulled from who we are. When I was in the second grade, I saw Alien for the first time in my life on TV. It fucked me up. I needed to know what this monster was. Then I found out about H.R. Giger when I got a little bit older. It wasn’t necessarily the style that inspired me, but the way the he created. It seemed like an obsession that he turned into a profession. I didn’t even know being an artist for a living was allowed! Lately I’ve been super digging Travis Millard (IG: @theotherfudge), Alex Solis (IG: @Alexmdc) and I was recently introduced to Kamila Mlynarczyk’s (IG: @Woodedwoods) work which is pure insanity and I love it so much.

What do you do when you are not painting or drawing? Lately it’s trying to spend as much time as I can with my family and soak as much of it up as I can before it slips away. While doing that I’ve been messing around with photography and filmmaking as a hobby. Filming my son doing weird shit is super fun. He makes a great subject.

What advice would you offer to an aspiring artist who might wanna follow in your footsteps? You gotta want to do it. And not just because you think it’s a good way to make money. You have to want to do it because you love it. That’s really where it all begins. Next step is to just go fucking do it.

What’s your best Art School tip that you want to share with folks? Could be technical or just advice. This is a continuation of my previous response, but it’s important, after you “just go fucking do it” expect to fail. Don’t even just expect it, LET yourself fail. As long as you learn something from it and never stop trying, you’re totally allowed to fail all the time!

What do you think you’d be doing if you weren’t an artist or doing anything art-related? This one is difficult, everything I can think of that I’d possibly be doing is art related. I’ve always wanted to be a fiction writer or a filmmaker, but those can be very creative. The other thing is to start my own business producing products for creative enthusiasts.

What are your favorite style of VANS? Every time I end up buying a new pair of VANS, I always end up getting the Authentic style. You can never go wrong with them!

What’s coming up for you the rest of the year that you’re super excited about? I’m super excited about two new toys that are currently in production with Martian Toys and Wetworks. Also there’s a bunch of new stuff I’m trying to launch on my own that I’ve been pretty excited to work on, I just need to find the time!

FOLLOW DAVID | INSTAGRAM | WEBSITE

[cbwalive]

CBWA SUPER ESTRELLA EP. 9

Welcome everybody to another exciting episode of the number one rated in all of Columbia, Super Estrella, I’m good ol JR alongside Gordon Solie and Gordo what a jam pack show we have tonight as we are one week away from Wrestle Rock at Sea 4.

That’s right Jimbo, tonight we will crown the very first Univision Television Champion as 4 men Foot Von Erich, The Phenomenal AJ Styles, The Colombian Dragon and Johnny Seenya will battle it out in our main event.

Also tonight Gordon rumor has it that the Super Bowl MVP himself Thomas Brady will be here live and from what my sources tell me a contract has been signed between Mr. Brady and the CBWA and he will be involved in some capacity at the biggest show of the year Drug Wars 5 what could that be? I can’t wait to know JR, also the challenge was put down last week by Mr. Schneider, will the real Roberto Gibson show up and face the duo of the Underfaker and Bray Wyatt? So much to get to Gordon, plus the contract signing between Goldberg and Reigns inside the steel cage at Wrestle Rock at Sea, also the woman’s champ Alexa Bliss in action, the Intercontinental champion Hot Stuff gives us an update on his injured knee, we will also here from AuZZtin via zoom and so much more in this jam packed night as we take you to the Fink.

Ladies and gentlemen please welcome The Head of Creative Mr. John Schneider.

A course of boo’s for the boss and I have it on good authority that he and Mr. Jarrett have been in meetings all day Gordon a lot is going down today as we take you to the boss for hopefully some clarification.

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen today is a huge day for Columbia and most importantly The CBWA, last Sunday as most of you saw, Thomas Brady led the Tampa Bay Buccaneers to the Super Bowl solidifying the greatness that is Thomas Brady and yours truly alongside with Mr. Jerry Jarrett took his private jet to Tampa to watch greatness, after the win we were graced to go on field and celebrate with Mr. Brady and he told us what a huge fan he is of The CBWA, he absolutely loves Super Estrella and would love to come watch in person, not only did I invite him with VIP treatment but we have been in works for something big at our Super Bowl next month Drug Wars 5, which by the way I hear tickets sold out in record time last week and there will be over a hundred thousand fans in attendance at the Estadio Metropolitano Roberto Melendez Stadium for this spectacular, but back to tonight.

 Mr. Brady is on his way to the arena tonight and later on in the show I will come out here with Mr. Brady and we will make this big announcement, so stayed tuned, now as it pertains to that bogus fraud of a man that is pretending to be Roberto Gibson the door is wide open, feel free to come right on in and since you wanna be your hero so bad then you will be in this ring to face The Underfaker and Bray Wyatt tonight and pal I will personally be right there watching.

Well there you hear it from the boss himself Thomas Brady is on his way to the arena and well I’m getting word now that a limousine is arriving in the back, could it be our guest of honors? Let’s take you to the back And there you see the limo as the driver is now opening the back door and there he is, the GOAT, Mr. Super Bowl himself, Thomas Brady is here and folks we will be right back stay with us.

And welcome back to Super Estrella folks and if you are just tuning in, first off how dare, but second you missed the arrival of Thomas Brady, he is here and will be making a huge announcement later on regarding Drug Wars 5 as we take you to the back and there is Mr. Schneider.

Yeah come in, hey Thomas.

Hey Mr. Schneider -- look at the rings, so many rings. 

Did you make it in ok? Oh absolutely thank you for everything I’m very excited for this. So make yourself feel at home. Well there you have it Gordon, Brady is in the house as we take you to the Fink The following contest set for one fall, currently in the ring weighing in a 124LBS here is Eternity Eternity looking to make a name for herself tonight but she has a big task And her opponent she is the CBWA Woman’s Champion, Alexa Bliss.

And there is the champ and there is the brand new Woman’s title.

Bell rings and we are underway as Eternity offers a handshake and oh my Alexa just spewed green mist in her face and now she has her set up and boom Sister Abigail this one is over, 1,2,3 let’s take you to the Fink for the official announcement

The winner of the match the CBWA Woman’s Champion Alexa Bliss Let’s take you now to Kenny with Miss Bliss.

Thank you guys Alexa another great showing here tonight.

Kenny let’s be honest, this Women’s division is a joke, it’s only me and AJ and quiet frankly I’m tired of facing her, so this is to any woman out there, past or present, I will be at Wrestle Rock at Sea within title, all you gotta do is come play with me.

Well there you have it guys it’s sounds like and open challenge to anybody for the champ, back to you Alright Kenny that should be interesting to say to least, well folks we want to turn our attention now with an update with one of our top stars ZZ and if you joined us at The Great Bogotá Bash you saw that ZZ was injured pretty bad and last week The CBWA South American Champion The Miz called out ZZ to show up at Wrestle Rock at Sea to sign a contract for Drug Wars 5 to where the loser will leave CBWA for life and joint is now via Zoom from his farm is ZZ and ZZ first off how are doing? 

What is the latest on your injury? Well JR as far as how I feel, I feel like crap but that never stopped me before whooping somebody’s ass, so Miz you son are number one on my S list, as far as Wrestle Rock at Sea? 

You bet your sorry ass I will be there and if I were you, I would be having eyes in the back of my head cause you never know when the Gatorsnake will strike, Miz your ass belongs to me and that’s the Gator line cause ZZ said so Well there you have it ZZ will indeed be at Wrestle Rock at Sea, folks stay right where you are we will be right back.

And welcome back to Super Estrella as we take you backstage with the boss

Come in, ah just the man I wanted to see, did you get Mr. Brady comfortable?

Yes sir I did

That’s a good Gibson, now I have a small problem here you see I have Underfaker and The Fiend waiting to destroy that imposter but I haven’t heard that he’s here, so I need a replacement and you know what that means?

I’m afraid I do sir

Good, now as I told you before you work for me and everything you do comes to me first, but it seems like there is a screw loose in your head because I continue to see you on Twitter and embarrassing me, I got a call from the Mayor telling me that Garth is upset at you because you were claiming to be the best jerk off, so here is what I’m going to do at Wrestle Rock at Sea 4 you and young Garth will have a last jerk standing match for the Hardcore title

A last jerk standing?

That’s right the man that can jerk no more will lose the match it’s that simple, now get your ass to the ring

Yes sir

The boss is definitely not happy with the so called Gibson as we take you to the Fink

The following contest set for one fall is a handicap match introducing first to be accompanied to the ring by his manager Zombie Robert Blake from Bogotá Valley weighing in at 317LBS The Underfaker

An awe inspiring entrance here, very eerie to say the least.

If you think that’s eerie wait till this next guy comes out JR

And his partner to be accompanied to the ring by the CBWA Woman’s Champion Alexa Bliss from parts unknown weighing in at 347LBS The Fiend Bray Wyatt.

And there he is creepy is an understatement when it comes to this guy could you imagine Gordon if these two were to co-exist as a team?

That is scary to think about for sure JR

Let’s take you back to the Fink for the introduction of their opponent.

And their opponent from every girl’s fantasy weighing in at 237LBS Roberto Gibson

And I’m assuming Fink is reading the cards that we’re giving to him, we all know that is not Roberto Gibson and the fact that Mr. Schneider is trying to pull the wool over us and trying to say this man is Roberto is a tragedy and down right embarrassing, the only good thing about this is that he heading into armageddon facing these two monsters as the bell rings and it looks like The Fiend will start against “Roberto” and would you look at this the boss is out here and look who is with him Gordon

It’s Thomas Brady JR

Mr. Schneider I’m guessing is showing him the VIP treatment as The Fiend is all over Gibson and tags in Underfaker who now is working on the arm and look at this climbing the ropes and the walking the ropes, look at the balance and down on Gibson’s arm

Thomas looked to enjoy that JR

Absolutely who wouldn’t? And now Mr. Schneider throws in a chair, my god what is the point of this and now Underfaker holds up Gibson and The Fiend with the chair and oh my Gibson ducked and The Fiend just nailed Underfaker right between the eyes

Did he duck or just collapse?

Fair point and now wait a minute from behind now that’s the real Roberto Gibson turn around Fiend and bam what a shot The Fiend is out and look at the Schneider’s face he can’t believe it

Brady seems to love it

Indeed he does and Gibson now puts the fake Gibson on The Fiend for the cover 1,2,3 oh my god what an upset and here comes the BS Service out and Roberto escapes and is out of here folks we will be right back after these messages stay with us

And welcome back folks and look what is happening in the ring it looks like Underfaker and The Fiend are arguing and it looks like they are about to go to blows

Hey hey wait just a damn minute, you two pick him up

The boss talking to Underfaker and The Fiend telling them to pick up the fake Gibson

Now I want you two to take your frustrations out on him

Oh come on even this is too far, I know he’s an imposter but enough is enough and a double choke slam and damn what an impact

Let that be a lesson to anybody and as far as you go imposter Gibson, next time we will be ready for your little sneak attack let’s go leave him there

And look at this the BS Service is leaving the fake Gibson in the ring and wait just a minute it’s the Hardcore champion Garth Lane and oh my god get the censors out he is, oh my not on his face and here comes City Hall and thankfully that did not just happened, my god we almost got kicked off the air folks and when you are live a lot of things can happen, well let’s turn our attention now to the Intercontinental Champion Hot Stuff Eddie Gilbert as we take you now to Kenny

Thanks guys please welcome my guest the Intercontinental Champion Hot Stuff Eddie Gilbert and Hot Stuff how’s the knee coming along

Well as you all know I suffered a knee injury prior to my title match against Foot Von Erich at the Great Bogotá Bash but I went in the match not a hundred percent obviously and came out victorious, since that match I have been in intense rehab and almost at a hundred percent and I wanna let Foot know something, this is far from over and I will be watching the main event tonight believe that

Well there you have it JR and Gordon, Hot Stuff is back in form

Thank you Kenny, folks coming up next the main event for the CBWA Univision Television Championship don’t you dare touch that dial we will be right back after these messages.

Ladies and gentlemen welcome back to Super Estrella as we get you ready for our main event let’s take you now to the Fink

Ladies and gentlemen the following contest set for one fall is a fatal four way match for the CBWA Univision Television Championship making his way to the ring he is a member of the BS Service........

Yo yo yo hold it right there Fink, you crowding up my space introducing me like I’m a baby face, it’s your boy Johnny Seenya coming straight through your TV, I wonder if i can have a night with AJ Lee without catching an STD, your looking at the next champ, my star is brighter than all of y’all, don’t believe me? keep watching and see who gets the pin fall, Dragon, Styles, Von Erich, they’re all great in their own mind, when the bell rings Johnny Seenya won’t be hard to find, it’s almost Saint Patty’s day wish me luck, once I have this title it won’t be hard for me to find a woman to.........

Ok ok, again live tv folks you never know what is going to happen as we take you back to the Fink

And his opponent weighing in at 236LBS he is the Colombian Dragon

Dragon looks very focus as the Si chants are starting to echo in the CBWA arena

And their opponent weighing in at 227LBS he is the Phenomenal AJ Styles

This man right here is my pick JR to walk away the very first Univision Televised champion

That is a strong statement their Gordon as we go back to the Fink for the final participant

And their opponent weighing in at 258LBS here Foot Von Erich

Von Erich looks ready Gordon as do all the other competitors do and there you see the prize that awaits the winner of this match the CBWA Univision Television Championship

It is definitely a beautiful belt JR

That indeed it is as the bell rings and we are under way, the first man to score a pin fall will win this match so all it takes is just three seconds as Von Erich and Seenya a couple of BS Service are trying to negotiate with Stules to make it a three on one disadvantage for The Dragon

You take the biggest threat out JR it’s every man for themselves

Indeed it is and now it looks like Styles is siding with Foot and Seenya and oh wait a Pele kick to Seenya and Dragon now on Foot, didn’t except to see that at all and now a double team and a big back body drop to Seenya and a double closeline to Von Erich, both men are out and oh I knew it a cheap shot from Styles and you almost knew that was coming, now it’s Styles with The Dragon, whips him in the the turnbuckle and look out here comes Styles with a splash and Dragon moves just in the nick of time quick roll up one, two and a kick out, we almost saw a new champion right there and now we see Seenya back in the ring and a massive closeline to the Dragon, Seenya looks in great shape as he says it’s over and has Dragon up for the FU and a reversal Dragon has him in the Si lock Seenya is about to tap but Von Erich is in for the save and Foot has Dragon up and a hard discus punch and Styles is up and he too gets a discus punch and Seenya is up and it looks like the BS Service is in control but wait now Seenya gets a discus punch all three men are down and it’s all but over all Von Erich has to do is make a pin fall but wait look on the entrance ramp it’s the Intercontinental Champion Hot Stuff Eddie Gilbert, Foot sees him and look at him Gordon he’s mocking the champ

That’s not a great idea for Von Erich, especially in a big match like this

Certainly not, Foot had this match in control and now his focus is on Gilbert as The Dragon is coming to and look out Foot a roundhouse from behind, Foot is out, Dragon now going for the Si lock on Foot and Foot is so close to the rope if he can just get his foot on the rope but wait Gilbert just took Foot’s foot off and is taking it away, Von Erich now can’t get to the ropes and he’s tapping out we have a new champion let’s go to the Fink for the official announcement

Ladies and gentlemen the winner of the match and NEW!!!!!! CBWA Univision Television Champion The Colombian Dragon

What a victory for The Dragon as we see Foot hopping to the back in search of Gilbert, let’s now go to the ring with Kenny who’s standing by with the new champ

Thanks guys Dragon this has been a long time coming

That’s the understatement of the year Kenny, to be recognized as the first CBWA Univision Television Champion is an honor and I will be a fighting champion and.....

Oh wait a minute Styles just interrupted the champ, what’s about to happen here

You can cut the tension with a knife JR

Absolutely you can and look at this Styles extends his hand and The Dragon shakes his hand, show of respect there I’m in shock Gordon as Styles leaves and let’s the champ bask in his glory, folks as the celebration continues we are going take a quick break and be right back with the contract signing between Reigns and Goldberg don’t you dare touch that dial

And welcome back folks as you see the ring techs are getting everything set up for the contract signing, wait a minute we are getting reports that something is going on backstage let’s go back there now and oh wait a minute that’s the new Univision Television champion laid out cold and EMT’s are there, who could of done this? Well there’s the CBWA Champion Raman Reigns just walking by an unconscious Dragon and it looks like he is heading out here as we speak

Certainly a chaotic scene happening in the back as we are being graced by our champion

Certainly is we will keep you updated with what is going on backstage as the champ is here and look at the determination on his face and here comes the challenger the man!!! Goldberg!!!! As we get you ready for the contract signing let’s take you to Kenny standing by

Thank you we are ready for the biggest rematch in CBWA history which will take place next week at Wrestle Rock at Sea 4 inside the steel cage as this man Goldberg will challenge the CBWA Heavyweight Champion Raman Reigns, now gentlemen you both went through the contract before it is official I will give both competitors the floor to speak their mind starting with the challenger the former CBWA World Heavyweight Champion Goldberg

Champ your days are numbered, 10 days to be exact, it’s one thing to get your boys to beat me down and get the easy pin and call yourself champion, it’s another to face your maker inside a steel cage with nobody to help you, I will beat you within an inch of your life and take that pretty little belt you have and go on to main event the biggest event of the year Drug Wars 5, you are next!!!!!

Alright Goldberg has signed champ you have the floor

What is this crap? You come out here snorting smoke trying to intimidate me? Let me make this perfectly clear so even you can understand, I’m the head of the table, the tribal chief, YOUR CBWA World Heavyweight Champion, you bow to me and pay homage to me, you think I’m scared of you? Wrestle Rock at Sea 4 will be the end of you and be the rise of me

And wait just a minute it looks like the number one contender Steve Ryder has something to say

Hey you two little fairies it doesn’t matter who comes out on top at Wrestle Rock at Sea because no matter who it is you are looking at the next CBWA World Heavyweight Champion, so go ahead and beat the crap out of each other in the steel cage it’s just going make it easier for me at Drug Wars 5

And wait a minute the boss is here and look who is with him

It’s Thomas Brady JR

The Super Bowl MVP is on Super Estrella and listen to this crowd

They are definitely loving Brady here as we await what this announcement will be and it looks like the boss is about to make that announcement

Hold on boys before all hell breaks loose allow me to introduce to you the special guest referee for the main event at Drug Wars 5 Mr. Thomas Brady

Oh my god Thomas Brady is going to be the special guest referee in the main event at Drug Wars 5? What a huge announcement things are definitely shaping up as ooh Goldberg with a spear to the champ, folks we are out of time, thank you for joking us we will see you next week!!!!!!

[songwriternews]

New Post has been published on SONGWRITER NEWS

New Post has been published on https://songwriternews.co.uk/2020/07/trollz-6ix9ine-nicki-minaj-official-music-video/

TROLLZ - 6ix9ine & Nicki Minaj (Official Music Video)

Stream / Download: https://cmg.ffm.to/TROLLZ Limited edition merch OUT NOW: https://www.6ix9inestore.com

TROLLZ – 6ix9ine with Nicki Minaj (Official Music Video) Director: CanonF8 & 6ix9ine, David Wept EP/Producer: Omar Reynoso & David Wept DP: Parris Stewart Editor: 6ix9ine, CanonF8, Omar Jones, Kenny Shimm Art Director: Omar Reynoso, 6ix9ine Colorist: Bryan Smaller VFX: Max Colt Production: Co- AT.LAS , FatKing Films Produced by: SadPony & Jahnei Clarke Written by: Jeremiah Raisen, Daniel Hernandez, Onika Maraj, Aaron Clarke Mixed by: Big Juice, Wizard Lee & Jahnei Clarke Mastered by: Wizard Lee Cover by: Alex Solis

Lyrics: 6ix9ine:

Watch, Mhm Glock, Mhm Cocked, Mhm Got it, Mhm You need that I got it That’s cash in my pockets That’s cash one hunnits You need that I got it Need it I got it Cash pockets Bands on me Sticks on me You need that I got it That’s cash in my pockets That’s cash one hunnits You need that I got it

Yeah she like how I throw them racks up yeah x3 Keep on throwing that cash yeah x5 Keep on throwing that a$$ yeah x5 Benz truck in the back yeah x5

VERSE:

I know you don’t like me, you wanna fight me You don’t want no problems at your party don’t invite me I don’t worry about you nig**, please stop talking about me Always talking about me cause you looking for the clouty 6ixtynine the nine neena, riding in the 2 seater With 2 neenas Baby got that aquafina, it’s cocaiana Smoking on that Og reeefer, no TMZ-a

Forgeatos on a Benz truck, make her friends f*ck Told her she could get Chanel if she let my friend f*ck Slide, shinin in the rolls royce, it got wrecked up Wait hold up, nah I still dont give a f*ck Vroom Vroom G5 Vroom Vroom we high You the type of N** that will I never wanna be like You the type of b*tch that will never get a reply Hi hater, Bye hater, Vroom

Yeah she like how I throw them racks up yeah x5 Keep on throwing that cash yeah x5 Keep on throwing that a$$ yeah x5 Benz truck in the back yeah x 5

Nicki Minaj:

Minaj:

Dolla Dolla Bill come get her Even ya man KNOW Nicki’s do it betterrrrrrrrrrr I know you don’t like me, you wanna fight me Always on my page, never double tap like me Baddies to my left and my right, never chase a corny N** put that on my life Just put it in his face, all this cake He wanted a taste He sippin on that ace Itty bitty waste, pretty face Yeah, eat it cookie monsta He a slave to this p*ssy call me Masta Real wet, I say slurp it like its pasta They get nervous when its Nicki on the Roster Somebody usher this N* into a clinic My flow still sick I ain’t talking a pandemic I write my own lyrics, a lot of these B*ches gimmicks They study Nicki style now all of them want mimic Talking bout Snitches when it’s snitches in your camp Never stand alone you always itching for a stamp Me, I’m still money wrists light up like a lamp They gon have to send they best fighter for the champ

Racks, I got em. Mary, I’m Poppin They keep hating, but still watching Check the boards, I’m still topping Bust down or Plain Jane, I got options It’s a bunch of mini-me’s, I’m the one they mocking Showed you how to get a bag now you going shopping When I come out all the sneak b*tches start plotting When I come out its a sweep b*tches start mopping

6ix9ine:

Yeah she like how I throw them racks up yeah x5 Keep on throwing that cash yeah x5 Keep on throwing that a$$ yeah x5 Benz truck in the back yeah x 5

Watch, Mhm Glock, Mhm Cocked, Mhm Got it, Mhm

Nicki Minaj: If you like I throw it fast, real fast fast fast He singing my old song yelling a$$ a$$ a$$ They be speeding, trying to be me then they crash crash crash Still a hundred like the number on my dash dash dash

That Real A$$ ain’t keep yo N* home!

#6ix9ine #nickiminaj #TROLLZ source

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[daetur]

Father Trevarde (Dyrihm Personal Event Log, Part 7)

Worried about the lack of activity from Solis and Trevarde, Froststrider, Zyandahl, and Nob take it upon themselves to pay the priest a personal visit- hoping to get an idea of who the man really is, and what he wants.

 Not the most subtle or silver-tongued team, what was intended to be a calm chat, without revealing their identities, quickly becomes violent- and what they discover concerns them greatly.

Dyrihm’s time is growing short- Solis and Trevarde are nearly ready to spring their trap.

Jackdaw must have been nearby, because after his affirmative over the comm, he's knocking on the hatch within fifteen minutes.

Dyrihm 's arms are crossed, and he seems a little nervous as he looks between Frost and Dahl. "It's open!" he calls up to Nob. "Are you two really sure about this? I don't want- I don't know, it's Trevarde, how much trouble can he be, but still-"

Jackdaw all but slides down the ladder from the hatch- he's invisible as he opens it and does so, so it's a little odd hearing the thump of him landing on the floor.

Zyandahl makes an effort not to roll his eyes at the prospect of Trevarde being too dangerous for them. "It is true that he has had the same amount of time to improve his skills that we have," he says, trying to convince himself to be cautious. "Still. Trevarde. I suspect the real issue is those he is answering to.”

Froststrider glances over as Nob comes in then looks back to Dyrihm while making sure his prosthetic is fitted in place, "I don't know this man like you two do. But we will be cautious regardless Dyrihm."

[Dyrihm]: I'd just rather be safe than sorry- Nob's been in his house, and says he's been playing with... well, a lot of shadow magic. Weird soul shit.

Jackdaw nods, uselessly.  "Yeah. Necromancer shit, I dunno.  LICH shit."

Zyandahl looks a bit more serious at that. "Perhaps he has changed more than expected. We will be cautious."

Dyrihm wrings his hands. "All right, well- find out what you can. Why he's doing this, any more he knows about who he's answering to- anything you think will be useful. I... I don't really know what I'm hoping for, honestly."

Jackdaw rasps dryly, "Somethin' in this fuckin' world ta make sense, I assume."

Dyrihm can't help but bark a laugh. "Yeah, that.:"

Froststrider reaches over, nuzzling the top of Dyrihm's head to get him to calm down. "We'll do what we can. If you must, try to find something else to do for distraction, our kodo could use some exercise."

Dyrihm nods. "... A ride might not be a bad idea. I'll have my comm, anyway, and- well, Nob remembers the address?"

Zyandahl nods. "Answers to 'Why' seem to be what you want to know. The rest is important to possibly helping you out of this."

Jackdaw nods again, then remembers himself a beat too late.  "Yeah."

[Dyrihm]: Stay safe, please. And... good luck, I suppose.

Zyandahl gives Dyr an affectionate smile that is maybe a little amused. "There are three of us, Dyrihm. And only one Trevarde. We will be alright."

Jackdaw rasps a semi-amused but benevolent, "Thanks mate, before he hops back onto the ladder and starts heading up top.

Froststrider glances to Nob as they arrive, "This it?" asks quietly.

Jackdaw rasps quietly, "Yeah.  Looks like he's home this time.  Or someone, any rate, but I got the impression he lived alone."

Zyandahl asks, "Should I knock?" He doesn't know how to interrogate people in their own home

Jackdaw snorts a laugh.  "Guess I don't see why we can't... start OFF polite."

[Jackdaw]: Anyway, I din't see any other doors, so... Frost, you jes... make sure you're the last one in and he ain't goin' anywhere.

Zyandahl nods, and raises a hand to knock. He pauses for a moment, takes a breath, then knocks gently, so as not to mark up the door.

Jackdaw positions himself just to the side of the door, on the side it opens on.  Still invisible, he keeps his weapons out of his hands and acts casual- just, you know, in case this guy turns out to be the type of fuck who can see him.

Froststrider just hangs back and waits for the door to be answered. Glancing off to where he thinks Nob is, sorta.

Trevarde || From inside the home, there is a shuffle of paper, and a hoarse, crackly squawk, as if from a bird. The door handle turns... but stays shut. "Who's there?" comes a surprisingly pleasant voice, carrying a touch of what sounds like fear.

Froststrider instantly looks at Nob the Dahl, confused.

Jackdaw stays quiet.  Dahl will have to handle this one- Nob prefers to keep his presence a Surprise.

Zyandahl frowns. He didn't think this far ahead. He's just remembered that he's garbage at social interactions and Why Did Dyr Send Him For This Again???? "Answering your letter," he blurts out eventually.

Trevarde || The door doesn't move. ".... I've sent quite a few letters with no response. Which one are you?" the voice asks through the door.

Zyandahl whispers "Did either of you actually GET a letter?"

Froststrider clears throat, "We're Ebon and know that you're looking into one of ours. Are you going to let us in or not?" subtle Frost, subtle. The annoyance in his voice is probably real though.

Jackdaw sighs faintly.

Trevarde 's voice takes on an irritated tone of its own, a dangerous edge to his pleasant tenor. "... I am ‘looking into’ one of yours on the orders of the Ebon Blade." The door opens just a sliver- enough for one foggy yellow eye to peer out. "What do you want?"

Jackdaw slips the tip of an invisible boot into the crack in the door.

Trevarde 's eye seems to shift to the movement of shadow, but trails back to the tauren and elf in his doorway. He seems to think nothing unusual of it.

Froststrider snorts unfazed, or at least doing a good job of acting, "Just as I said. Checking in to see what you've found out. Orders."

Zyandahl sighs. "May we come in?

Trevarde creaks the door open a little wider, robes of rusty purple and white apparent beneath a long curtain of raven hair. "This is- highly unusual," he says. "All of my reports have been going to Knight Solis, as usual- though I suppose... the timeline has moved up?" His eyes linger on Zyandahl for a long moment, and he frowns.

Trevarde 's eyes narrow. For the moment, he says nothing more.

Zyandahl says nothing. Frost got them into a mess where they have to lie but he's bad at lying, fukc

Jackdaw grins cheekily at the man from mere feet away, giving a little finger-waggling wave and tracking Trevarde's eyes.  

Froststrider nods, a tad worried now but still keeping a stoic expression. "We were sent on behalf of Solis."

Zyandahl tries to just Not. React. because he knows he's gonna fuck this up if he tries to lie

Trevarde 's eyes flick away from Dahl to the movement of Nob's fingers. His nervousness seems to increase, and he takes a step back. "I- Ah. Were you, now? Well. I doubt that. Unless, of course, you're feeling as spurned by Dyrihm's death as the rest of us, Zyandahl? But, again. I doubt that."

Zyandahl crosses his arms, trying not to look too unfriendly though he's definitely feeling it. "My apologies for the deception. We did not think you would speak to us as we are." Or Frost did, but Dahl's not gonna throw him under the bus, "And for the record I have no idea what you are talking about, about his death."

Jackdaw notes the recognition- hard to say HOW the man is experiencing his presence, but he's definitely got a bead on him somehow.

Trevarde clicks his tongue. "I suppose he went back to you, then, once he'd returned. Can't say the same of all of us. How long do you think he's going to stay with you? Can't be long. The man's a fickle, traitorous one, mark me."

Zyandahl stares. His expression says 'Ex-fucking-scuse me??' but he manages not to say it out loud. "May we come inside to discuss it? You seem eager to talk."

Jackdaw 's ghostly-self, somewhere under those shadows, glares daggers at Trevarde.  

Froststrider snorts, gesturing between Dahl and Trevarde, "So you know each other? And traitorous how?" looks down to Dahl again at the request to go inside then looks back to Trevarde like, well?

Trevarde raises an eye at Dahl. "You don't seem like you'll give me a choice. I imagine you're here for a reason." He sighs, and opens the door, but hesitates before moving aside. He points vaguely at Nob. "Is... this yours?" he asks, squinting.

[Froststrider]: Is what ours?

Zyandahl closes his eyes in an almost pained way at Frost's denial.

Jackdaw rasps, "Well that's a rude way t'say hello."

Zyandahl keeps his eyes closed, expression now definitely pained.

Trevarde squints at Nob a moment longer. "Thi-" Trevarde fairly RETREATS into his home as Nob speaks. "This shadow thing! It's with you? What is it?"

Zyandahl exhales. "He is with us, and he is a person."

Froststrider takes a LOT of willpower to not glare in Nob's direction.

Trevarde frowns. "Ah. Another ‘friend’ of Dyrihm's, then." He turns, shuffling deeper into his home, to take a seat at a messy table, over which hangs a metal birdcage. Something stirs within. "Make yourselves at home," he says, voice sarcastic and sweet, like a razor lurking in an apple.

[Jackdaw]: We're here 'bout the letter ya sent ME, matter of fact, mate.  Wanna have a little chat, since ya ain't ever replied.

Jackdaw casually waltzes in after Trevarde like he owns the place.

Jackdaw is keeping an eye on the bitter fuck though, you better believe it.

[Trevarde]: I had no need to reply. I simply report to Solis with my findings.

Froststrider waits for Dahl to go in since the only plan was for him to stay by the door apparently.

Zyandahl follows Nob and says, "Have you recognized me this whole time? Is that why you did not care to send a letter asking what I think of Dyrihm? You have decided that I will not give the answer you want to hear?"

Trevarde casts a baleful eye over Zyandahl. "No. I did not know it was YOU." Poison drips from that word. "But you- and the Tauren- have been staying with him. I can't very well send a letter to Dyrihm's own address, can I?"

Froststrider comes in but stays by the door way, leaning on the wall somewhat. "What better way to get information about him than from people close to him? Is that not your whole point?"

Jackdaw starts wandering around the room.  He picks things up.  They float.

Zyandahl 's arms are still crossed. That's... a valid point, fuck. He gestures at Frost though. That.

Trevarde rolls his eyes. "It was a fair guarantee that you'd warn him. I hoped not to affect the way he conducted himself during missions for the Blade." He watches those floating objects with apprehension. "Put those DOWN," he hisses.

Zyandahl does not make himself at home, thank you very much. "What was that about you feeling 'spurned' by him? You think him a traitor, and you are trying to prove it. Why?"

Jackdaw , pulling a one of the journals off of Trevarde's main-room shelf, rasps neutrally, "Why you got such a problem with Dyrihm anyway?  Seems like a decent bloke."

Froststrider snorts, "The way you've been moving about tipped him off well enough. He's not an idiot." gestures then to Dahl and Nob's questions.

Trevarde glares daggers at Dahl, and fairly spits them, too. "How dare you! He abandoned us all, and for YOU! His only loyalty is to whomever seems to hold his..." Trevarde sneers. "Heart. He'll find someone to choose over all of you eventually! He'll only cause you trouble."

Jackdaw rasps, opening the journal and casually flipping through it, "He break your heart, Trevarde?"

Zyandahl 's eyes go wide and he uncrosses his arms. "Excuse me?" He snaps (out loud this time), "He 'ABANDONED' you? You weren't in DANGER! He left to try to save a FRIEND, you selfish--" The last insults are in Thalassian but the point is clear.

Froststrider hesitates to answer to this but then at Dahl's outburst he reaches and lightly nudges the elf's shoulder. Calm. "Just when was this abandonment you are speaking of?"

Trevarde 's sneer deepens. "No, you idiot. Tell me- does he ever talk about us? Annalise! Tira! Stal! Colt! Has he ever ONCE given us a moment's thought? We were a TEAM." Trevarde levels a finger at Dahl. "He left his post! We spent years learning to fight with him at our sides, and he LEFT us!"

Jackdaw scoffs, "I'm jes sayin- sounds real personal. It was a military unit, weren't it? Folks leave all the time.  Folks get stationed someplace else. Why you gots such a bug up yer ass about one man leavin'?"

Zyandahl squints at Trevarde. He gets himself a little more together after Frost's nudge but... they might be swapping good/bad cop. "Dyrihm thought I was dead until earlier this year. He also lost his jaw and spent most of that time ALONE. He has not spoken OF anyone TO anyone, and it has nothing to do with betrayal."

Jackdaw continues to browse Trevarde's notes.  He's actually quite interested in them.

Trevarde 's hand comes down on the table, with a resounding SLAM that sends the creature in the birdcage into a flurry of flapping and screeching. Purple, shadowy wisps of feathers rain down. "He was not REASSIGNED. If he had been REASSIGNED, we would have been

Trevarde fitted with a proper replacement before losing him! But no! He ran off on his own, and he died! And now, I am the only one left! We needed him, and he abandoned us!" He growls once more at Nob. "Put. That. DOWN!"

Froststrider frowns as things are being pieced together, he is damn sure Dyr also "died" that day before being res again as a Knight. His ears come up in alarm at the slam, "To save Dahl and if he could have he would have likely returned to you with Dahl in tow. But

[Froststrider]: as you just claimed, he died and then was raised again as a Death Knight. You really believe under the influence of the Lich King we could do anything else but his bidding?

Froststrider snarls deeply, ears pinned.

Zyandahl scowls at Trevarde, not even a little bit intimidated by his tantrum. He nods at Frost. "You were not in danger, Trevarde. My sister and I were. He intended to return to you, but he DIED. And now you are trying to harm him in petty revenge because he DIED

Zyandahl INCONVENIENTLY?"

Jackdaw hums faintly.  Ah- so it's revenge, then. He utterly fails to put down the journal, though rather than reading it, he watches Trevarde like a hawk.

Trevarde waves a hand. "He would have been freed at Light's Hope, or, at the latest, after the Lich King fell! It has been nearly TEN YEARS and not a WORD. So yes, I think a traitor- to his faction, to his friends- whose habits I know, is an EXCELLENT target for

Trevarde my work with the Blade."

[Trevarde]: And he's getting in plenty of trouble on his own. I'm just helping him along.

[Froststrider]: You act like he was suppose to know your whereabouts. Did you reach out to him at all?

[Froststrider]: Many knights lost memory under Artha's rule.

Jackdaw rasps, "Did ya ever try an' see him yerself, Trevarde?  He shove ya off then?  Fine how-do-ya-do?"  he sounds a bit sarcastic.  He sincerely doubts it.

Trevarde rasps, "He vanished, after Icecrown fell. Did he never mention that? Utterly disappeared. Like a ghost. Only resurfaced again when the Blade sent him to that project town."

Zyandahl frowned. "It has not been ten years. It has been less than that, but I doubt you care. You care very much for the details you find convenient to sustain your self righteousness, while YOU betray an old friend, who never once meant you harm."

Trevarde waves a hand. "Time is- malleable. Regardless. This is not petty revenge! I made a deal with the Blade, and Dyrihm is simply the best way to fulfill that. But you protect a man who knows no loyalty. Remember that. He thinks nothing of treason, so long as his actions serve his own heart!"

Jackdaw , who knows quite a bit himself about vanishing (and being a ghost), scoffs faintly and he... well now.  He stops watching Trevarde quite so carefully as he turns another page.

Trevarde flicks open a latch on the birdcage. "I said put that down! Ash! Fetch!"

Trevarde 's shadowy bird flits out of the cage, making a dive for the book with its little talons.

Jackdaw makes a 'tch' noise and, divebombed, WHACKS that fucking featherduster midair with the very journal he's holding.

Froststrider snorts, cause this will go well, but he focuses on the conversation, unable to argue the treason part cause... well what recently happened. "I say he is perfectly normal. Why be loyal to someone who means to hurt you or makes you question things?"

Zyandahl squints at Trevarde again, lip curling. "Just because his loyalties do not lie where you want them to, that does not make him disloyal. If the situation were reversed, he would have done what he did for me for you, though clearly you do not deserve it.

Trevarde nearly upends the table, rushing forward to scoop up the bird. "HOW. DARE. YOU?" He snarls, and suddenly, shadows surround him. He clutches his bird to his chest, and strikes out at Nob with a burst of dark energy. "OUT! OUT!"

Froststrider realizes Nob is being attacked and growls, the air around him chilling.

[Trevarde]: You invade my home! Paw at my things! Hurt my bird!

Zyandahl sighs at the ceiling. They didn't really... get the information they needed...

Jackdaw 's shadows intercept that energy, and lash it BACK at Trevarde like a whip. Nob just sneers at the man, and keeps a hold of his journal.  "I'm s'poseta feel sorry fer yer fuckin' bird when ya sic'd it on me?  I think fuckin' not!"

Zyandahl turns to Nob's general direction and snaps, "We came for answers, stop antagonizing him, please."

[Trevarde]: I TOLD YOU MORE THAN ONCE TO PUT. MY. BOOKS. DOWN.

Jackdaw drops it theatrically on the table.  "There ya go."

Trevarde is still cradling his bird to his chest, shadows swirling around him. "You get nothing more from me," he grouses, inspecting Ash's small head. "It doesn't matter anyway. It's too late now."

[Zyandahl]: What is?

Froststrider snorts, "Oh, then there's no use for you to be around is there?" says as he marches in and makes a grab to haul Trevarde by the collar of his robes.

Zyandahl throws an arm out toward Frost in alarm, "Frost, wait!"

Jackdaw rasps in tandem with Dahl, "That fuckin' bird's not normal, Frost-"

Trevarde frankly... disappears into a tight ball of shadow energy, and Frost's hands find no purchase whatsoever. Ash flutters back into its cage.

Jackdaw scowls, looking around angrily.  "And neither is HE apparently!"  He grabs that journal back up out of spite and stuffs it under his tabard, trying to figure out what the hell kind of spell the priest just used.

Trevarde 's room suddenly fills with a forceful wave of darkness. "LEAVE. MY. HOUSE." The three feel a sense of deep fear grip their chests.

Froststrider snarls and tries to freeze the shadow energy as he does to his own shadow magic.

Zyandahl runs a hand down his face. Really, guys? "I meant wait, as to say, do not attack the person we are trying to talk to. Because he may be persuadable. But now he is not." He'd never seen Trevarde do THAT before though, and he takes a combat stance in case this gets serious.

Jackdaw 's shadows once again move around him to intercept that priest's chosen form of magic- but the wave of dread hits him, even if it doesn't shake him badly enough to put him out of commission.  Nob shudders, and attempts to slip Underneath.

Trevarde 's form shifts again, and he stands before them, man-shaped, backing away. "The Blade would take him anyway! The fool will never stop resisting their new orders!"

Zyandahl feels fear gripping at his chest, mind going to dark places he tries to avoid. Panic rises like bile in his throat, and he clutches at his chest with metal fingers, trying to calm down.

[Froststrider]: That's because the Ebon is fucked in the head!!

[Trevarde]: Who cares! That doesn't change his fate!

[Trevarde]: If he resists them, he dies. I may as well get something for it.

Jackdaw goes under but- too fucking FAR under, slipping deep into the shadowlands. Trevarde, though- soaked in Shadow magic, Trevarde he can still see, though Frost and Dahl are nothing more than a distant haze.

Zyandahl fights through the fear enough to hear Trevarde's words, and spits "Hypocrite" at him. Nothing else though.

Froststrider looks back at Dahl, then bellows at Trevarde, "Not before you die!" a shard of ice forms with shadow lacing it and he launches it at Trevarde.

Trevarde diverts Frost's ice with a wall of shadow, and Ash exits its cage once more with a screech, pecking at the Tauren's head, trying to defend its master.

Jackdaw | The link between the Shadow and this place is strong.  Nob watches Trevarde's shadows a moment, moving as though his body is casting, and moves in close to the man.  Cautious, curious, he releases his hold on the shadow magic that protects him.

Jackdaw 's shadows will try to do what they like best- feed.  On Trevarde's magic.  Straight from the source.

Trevarde 's shadows respond with absolute FURY as Nob's touch them. Tendrils lash out at the rogue, and Trevarde shifts away.

Trevarde hisses, "Don't you think killing an Ebon contact will make it WORSE for him?"

Zyandahl gets himself together and makes a frustrated sound in his throat-- frustrated at his own susceptibility to fear and dark thoughts, and frustration that they're fighting the person they need information from, and frustration that that person is TREVARDE of all people. He makes an annoyed growl and steps around Frost, aiming a punch for Trevarde's gut.

Trevarde 's shadows swirl, and Dahl's fist seems to slide right off. The priest continues to back away.

Froststrider is pecked by birdy which he swats at, "I don't give a damn about the Ebon. I would see all of Archerus BURN!"

Zyandahl snaps, "We are not necessarily going to kill you. You could always just answer our questions and stop being a bitch."

Jackdaw is hurt- properly fucking HURT, he FELT that- and he dives at the priest Underneath. His arms may go THROUGH the man, but- the sensation is something terrible.

Trevarde 's shadowy tendrils snap Frost across the face as the Tauren aggresses. "The little void CREATURE tried to kill my BIRD and now the Tauren is trying to kill ME! WE WERE TALKING BEFORE!" The shadows lash Nob with fury once more. It seems more like they're reacting to attackers than actually following the priest's commands...

Zyandahl growls, but snaps, "That is true, and WE WILL STOP-" This part is clearly directed at Nob and Frost, not Trevarde, "-if you agree to go back to talking!"

Trevarde 's hands are up, defensively. " Then STOP!" He shouts, radiating a wave of fear again- much of which, it seems, is coming FROM him.

Jackdaw , the poor broken little soul, is struck dumb by the force of that wave of magic. He staggers, unseen.

Zyandahl puts his hands up too, and steps in front of Frost. Truce.

[Zyandahl]: I came here to talk, not to fight.

Froststrider is about to shout something else after being smacked but is instead gripped in fear. A fear he hasn't felt in a good while. His body stiffens before his breath quickens like he's shivering.

Trevarde eyes Dahl warily. "You stay away from me," he says, taking another step back. He calls Ash back to his hand with a gesture. "And fine. Talk. But make it quick. I want you all out of my house."

Zyandahl is hoping that being between Trevarde and Frost will stop the two of them from considering the other a threat for the moment but he's aware he might just get sandwiched in combat

Zyandahl nods. "That is fair. We will go. We know now why you are against him. What did you mean when you said 'it is too late'?"

Trevarde cups a hand around his bird. "The Blade moves again in a few days, and the orders won't be to Dyrihm's liking. I know Solis intends to make certain that Dyrihm is present. He expects this will seal his fate."

Trevarde jolts, suddenly, seemingly unprovoked, and glances around nervously. After a moment, he calms, and looks back to Dahl.

Froststrider seems to be coming out of his trance and he instantly has death in his gaze toward Trevarde. Don't fuck with his mind. "You little shit......" Snarls as another shard of ice starts to form in his hand.

[Trevarde]: YOU. ATTACKED. ME!

Jackdaw , who mind you FUCKED UP earlier and slipped far further into the Shadowrealms than he intended, cannot hear Dahl and Frost right now.  Only the distant echo of the man steeped to his soul in Shadow magic.  He... has a theory.

[Froststrider]: YOU ATTACKED OUR FRIEND AND WE ACTED IN DEFENSE!! YOU HAVE PUT DYRIHM IN DANGER FOR PETTINESS! DO NOT COME TO ME AS IF YOU DESERVE LESS!!!!

Jackdaw | Nob backs away slightly from Trevarde and begins to look for- something.  A tether.  An anchor the likes of which Nob himself has to the corpse he inhabits.  Have you been successful in making your phylactery, you treacherous piece of shit?

Zyandahl frowns. He doesn't know what that means but it sounds important and bad. "Fine. I... appreciate this information." It's not REALLY a lie...? He does appreciate the info. Just not Trevarde. "You used to be a decent person. It is odd how little and how much you have changed, to be so much the same, yet so much less of a decent person."

Trevarde | Nob sees... no such thing.

Trevarde | Perhaps Trevarde still has work to do.

Trevarde hisses back at Frost. "I do what I must to survive! The Blade can get me what I want, and I can get them what they want! Killing me will do NOTHING to save Dyrihm!"

[Froststrider]: Perhaps not. It will sure make me feel better, however.

Trevarde | Nob does feel... a pull. The priest is, perhaps... close.

Zyandahl half turns to Frost and says, "Killing you would upset Dyrihm, actually. And you are not wrong that harming you will look worse for Dyrihm." He looks around. "Do you... know how to contact Nob when Nob is like this?"

Trevarde scowls. "What brutes he surrounds himself with, now. I'm sure he'd be proud. You going to bring his old friend's head back to him?"

Jackdaw shudders. A pull is- not good.  He edges away from that feeling, still unaware for a good proportion of the conversation happening somewhere Above.

Zyandahl snaps, "Dyrihm does not want that. As for his company, it is not so different from the type of company he had before. You know, before he was murdered and you blamed him for it."

Froststrider looks down at Dahl then around for a trace of Nob, the shard disappearing. He grunts lightly then kneels, letting out some shadow. He seen Reya do this so... he doesn't know if it will work but better to try.

Trevarde watches Frost with undisguised interest.

[Trevarde]: Is there... a problem, with your shadowy friend?

Zyandahl sighs. "I do not know how to contact him when he is like this. My apologies." Apologizing to Trevarde seems to physically pain Dahl.

Jackdaw considers that feeling, that... draw.  And he cautiously follows it.

Trevarde | The pull leads... beyond the back wall of Trevarde's home. Wherever the pull is coming from, it's not in the house, and it may be some distance away.

Trevarde |It does seem to go.... North.

[Zyandahl]: I think it unwise to leave while he is gone, since I do not know what his conclusions will be when he returns. Clearly I am the least inclined to outright attack you, so my presence is in your best interest. And since that seems to be the only thing you care about, I assume that is fine with you.

Froststrider doesn't answer Trevarde other than a glare like 'shut up' and he continues to try sensing and probe around for Nob with his shadows. He winces as some of it is getting affected by his ice magic, never being strong in shadow compared to Rey.

Trevarde crosses his arms. "I certainly don't want you leaving that thin- that MAN- in my home."

Zyandahl mutters, "I do not actually know if Nob is a man, but Nob is a person, not a thing."

Jackdaw follows that tugging as far as it will let him inside the building.  His shadows, however, send out little tendrils to what Frost is offering- and when they connect with Frosts' magic, trying to gently siphon from it, Frost can begin to make out a trail.

Jackdaw | For some reason, the little wight is moving AWAY from this conversation.

Froststrider 's ears flick up, "Nob." He calls firmly but just tries to increase his shadow magic in case Nob can't hear him for some reason.

Trevarde | Nob follows the pull to the far wall of Trevarde's bedroom, past his hung-up robes. Frankly, the pull doesn't feel like it's getting any stronger- whatever the connection is to, it might be a ways off.

Jackdaw encounters that back wall- rather abruptly, actually.  The boundaries of the physical world do not always translate well to the shadowlands, and Nob's PHSYICAL BODY is down there with him.

Jackdaw literally hits a wall.

Jackdaw cusses.

Froststrider gets up and goes to that wall with a snort, "Nob."

[Trevarde]: Hey!

Jackdaw moves back quickly- he looks vaguely in Frost's direction at his name, startled, not quite seeing.

Trevarde reaches out to grab at Frost's arm. "That is my private chamber!" He hisses.

Jackdaw darts back through the main living space, apparently startled by Frost, and attempts to find the front door.  Things are... strange, down here, and whether he'll FIND it is even a question, never mind OPEN it in this state.

Zyandahl sighs. It's at least obvious that he knows they're all being rude. "I do not recommend touching him, Trevarde." he says with an ice cold tone. Then, softer,  "Frost, please..."

Jackdaw finds the fucking door!!!

Froststrider glares threateningly at Trevarde like if he doesn't let go he's gonna punt him. "Do you want me to recover Nob or leave him here to snoop some more?" looks back to where he notices Nob move. "Nob, are you able to---" And he's gone. Shit. "Damn it Nob."

Jackdaw opens the fucking door!!!!!  He's so proud of himself.  And there he goes.  He's leaving.

Trevarde removes his hand as though he's been burned. "Now, out! All of you!"

Zyandahl watches Frost's reactions. "Is Nob gone?"

Froststrider grunts, "Yes and we might as well go after him before we lose him completely."

Zyandahl nods, tiredly. To Trevarde he nods again. "Thank you for your information and I do apologize for them attacking you. I did not intend that."

Zyandahl does a sort of stuttered bow of sort of respect before he turns to leave

Trevarde blinks at Dahl. Then, he simply SLAMS the door behind them, with a final, spat "The Blade will hear about this," as the sound of a heavy latch clicks into place.

Zyandahl mutters some choice insults in Thalassian as they walk away.

Froststrider PUSHES EVEN MORE EFFORT into reaching out for wherever Nob went, he's starting to get exhausted with this. Hopefully he just out right latches onto the little ghost and drags him back here.

Zyandahl turns to Frost and asks, "Should I return and tell Dyrihm what happened?"

Jackdaw seems incredibly intent on whatever it is he's doing.  The little wight slips out of Frost's grip and continues up and out.

Froststrider gasps and drops to his knee, fuck. "...Just...We will have to hope that he comes back or I'm going to have a hell of a time explaining to the others." This whole thing already went to shit as it is. He groans.

|| Well, that could have gone better. Could have gone worse, too- Frost and Dahl have time to mull their worries over as they make their way home, through the winding tunnels of the Undercity, up into the upper ruins, to their familiar, welcoming courtyard.

Froststrider | Dyrihm likely hears the latch of the courtyard door coming open and heavy steps, letting him know who was coming in but the sound is also telling how exhausted the owner is.

Dyrihm whirls upon hearing Frost's steps. "You're back!" He hurries down the hall to where the ladder lets down. "Are you all right?"

Froststrider grunts, unable to look Dyrihm in the eye. "Yes but you won't be." he admits bitterly.

Dyrihm looks SEVERELY concerned by that, face twisting up. "What- what does that mean? What happened?"

Zyandahl comes down the ladder too. "Trevarde wants petty revenge on you for 'abandoning' them to save me and then dying, it appears," he says, tone disgusted. "And the Blade is doing something dangerous that you are not going to like, but he did not specify what. And Nob disappeared."

[Dyrihm]: Nob- disappeare- oh, Light, guys, Trevarde is a shadow mender, you didn't-

Froststrider looks away even more, "I just... The fact he's trying to hurt you... maybe even kill you. He is counting on you to not follow whatever order the Ebon has next and I... I attacked him. I tried to find Nob after but I couldn't reach him."

Froststrider lets out an exhausted breath and leans on the wall.

Zyandahl sighs. "Nob clearly left the premises. Trevarde did not want him there, and kicked us out after Nob left, but now we do not know where Nob is."

Dyrihm sighs. "He- he thinks I abandoned the troop?" Dyrihm looks, frankly, confused. "Well, I- I did, I suppose." His eyes flick to Dahl. "I chose you over my duty. But I didn't think they'd- that any of them would react like this."

[Dyrihm]: And, as for the Blade-  if the next order is as shitty as the last ones have been... then he's probably right.

Zyandahl looks away. "I do not know how many of them still live. I think maybe he blames the event of you leaving for everything that happened after."

Froststrider huffs irritated, "He feels that you overall will abandon us and anybody for what you did. That you have no loyalty because you never sought them out after being freed from Arthas."

Dyrihm loses some color. "What? What do you mean, Dahl, I- I couldn't have gone back, I disobeyed a direct Forsaken order, I WAS a traitor."

Froststrider sighs, "He also spoke that he made some sort of deal with the Ebon Blade and that you are simply the perfect target for whatever they want in return because of the fact he wants revenge."

Zyandahl sighs. "To be honest, Dyrihm, I think he is unstable. And also just a nasty person, now. And he thinks you are going to betray us all or something."

Dyrihm rubs the back of his neck. "I mean... I did commit an act of treason not three days ago, so he may... have a point there." He sighs. "I guess- he said that the others- they were dead?"

[Zyandahl]: He said 'I am the only one left'.

[Zyandahl]: Maybe they all 'abandoned' him too, but I got the impression they died.

Froststrider nods lightly.

Dyrihm finds a seat, collapsing into it. He puts his head in his hands. "I suppose, maybe- whatever happened, drove him to this. That doesn't sound like the man I remember."

Dyrihm shakes his head. "They're all dead?" He says, softly. It's not... truly a question.

Zyandahl kneels down near Dyr, putting a hand on his knee. "Experiences change people. He has had years’ worth of experiences that have changed him. I do not know if they are dead, but he seemed to believe so."

[Zyandahl]: I am sorry.

Froststrider forces himself off the wall to come over to Dyrihm for his support as well.

Dyrihm leans into their touch. "I- thank you. I guess there's nothing else to it but to... wait and see what the Blade has planned."

[Froststrider]: We'll be there for you. Face against whatever shit the Ebon tries...

Zyandahl nods.

Froststrider pauses lightly, "...You ought to... I know Maulfalcon is probably still pissed at you but you should bring this up. To Thor'del as well. Everyone. So we can all be there for you."

Dyrihm nods. "I know. I need to talk to him... soon. I will, I promise. I'm sure Nob will inform Rey and Varun, when he returns."

[Dyrihm]: Do you- should we go look for him? Is he all right?

Froststrider grunts, "I think so. He seemed coordinated enough to get out of Trevarde's place. I just don't know where he went."

Zyandahl nods again.

Dyrihm seems somewhat convinced. "All right. He knows well enough to get himself home, anyway, I'm sure." Dyrihm pinches the bridge of his nose. "I suppose, we just need to be... ready, then. If they think we can't stop this."

Zyandahl moves and sits in a chair, exhaling dramatically. "Trevarde is exhausting now. He is so... petty. And very convinced you will betray everyone who cares about you. Meanwhile he sells you out to the Blade in the same breath."

[Froststrider]: ...Which he is going to report our being there.

Froststrider sighs heavily at this.

Dyrihm raises a brow at Dahl. "You know, not everyone cares about being good- even if he thinks my actions are worth... punishment, he may just be willing to do something he thinks is bad to get what he wants."

Dyrihm shrugs. "As long as the trouble from the Blade is still mine, I don't much care what he tells them. Sounds like their minds about me are fairly close to made up."

[Zyandahl]: He makes me so angry.

[Zyandahl]: I do not care if he wants to be good. He is not good.

[Froststrider]: He is looking out for himself and throwing you under to step on.

Froststrider glares angrily at Dahl suddenly, "You should have just let me kill him."

Zyandahl stares up at the ceiling. He's very used to arguing about murder. This is so normal to him. "He was right that that would make things worse for Dyr."

Dyrihm sighs. "I' m sorry. I should have- just accepted he'd changed, I gue- No! No killing him, he-!" Dyrihm catches himself. "What if he is the only one left? I- I don't know. He's TREVARDE."

Dyrihm seems to still be having trouble imagining how much the man has changed.

Zyandahl points at Dyr. "I told you he would not want that."

Dyrihm sighs. "I'm not sure it gets 'worse' at this point, though. Maybe he'll know something that could... be useful, at some point, but..."

Froststrider snarls, "The man has no care for you, Dyrihm! He attacked Nob, got into my mi--" Closes his eye tightly, shuddering, then just growls at the both of them, wandering off to the bedroom and slamming the door close. At least it wasn't out for a hunt again?

Dyrihm turns, looking after Frost with worry. "Mind? He's using mind magic now!? Trevarde!?" Dyrihm sounds... angry.

Zyandahl watches Frost go, sadly. "I am... sorry. Trevarde used some spells that caused, well, it was like forced fear. It got to both of us. I think that is why Frost is upset, but..." He stares at the closed bedroom door. "Does he get upset like that when I am not here, or do I make things worse?"

Dyrihm gives Dahl a small smile. "I don't think you make it worse, no, although- sometimes I can get him not to seek privacy when I'm alone. Frost's always had a temper, and... he especially doesn't like anything that messes with his head."

Zyandahl nods, looking at the floor. "Please let me know if I do make it worse. You know I can never tell when I ruin things."

Dyrihm reaches out to lay a hand on Dahl's shoulder. "I know," he says "It's okay- I know I need to let you know, and trust me, you haven't been making things worse."

Zyandahl nods again, with a little smile. Then he sighs. "Dyr, Trevarde is... different. Than he used to be. He is the same person, but very changed."

Dyrihm crosses his arms. He seems to be coming around to this, yes. "If he's using mental magics... then yes. He is very different. And not for the better."

Zyandahl nods again. "He definitely used mental magics. And he is definitely changed for the worse. His tone, his posture, the things he said. He is not... the person he was, and he is not a good person anymore. Or at least, it did not seem like it to me.”

Dyrihm nods. "I- I believe you. I do. It's just... very different from how I remember him."

Dyrihm claps Dahl on the shoulder. "C'mon," he says, leading Dahl to the closed bedroom door. "Frost?" He calls as he opens it. "Frost, you know I don't condone that shit, no matter how old friends I am with the person."

Zyandahl follows Dyr, getting slower and slower as they approach the bedroom door. This is... not... his territory... waht

Froststrider is sitting on the bed with his hands over his head but he slowly looks up at Dyrihm then at Dahl.

Dyrihm moves to sit over on the bed, beckoning Dahl to follow. "Are you okay?" He asks, softly. "I know how this stuff hits you."

Zyandahl is frankly trying to be invisible in the doorway. He very much feels like he's not supposed to be in this room and is intruding. Frost did not invite him. He is pretty certain he is Being Rude

Froststrider sighs heavily, about to answer but then notices Dahl is just hanging there at the door and he gestures for the elf to come in. "I'm sorry. I... will be fine. It wasn't the worst thing I've been through but..."

Zyandahl sees the inviting gesture and exhales, relaxing. He walks over, still not sure where or if to sit. "It... got to me, too," he says quietly. "I hate that feeling."

Dyrihm puts his hand on Frost's knee. "You're all right, Frost. You're here, with us, for real, and it's safe."

Zyandahl nods, not sure how to help.

Froststrider sighs a little more, wrapping an arm around Dyrihm. Then he reaches a bit more and pulls Dahl in as well. He just looks at the both of them apologetic for snapping at them. He nuzzles Dyr but keeps his arm wrapped around the two.

Zyandahl flushes goes very rigid, but it's hard to tell without looking because he's half made of metal. He doesn't look uncomfortable, just startled, and very unsure how to react. He swallows, closes his eyes for a moment, and then leans his forehead gently against Frost's furry shoulder with a soft sigh. Actual skin contact with soft floof.

Dyrihm leans in with a smile. "Might be time for some rest," he says, kicking off his boots. "I- thank you both, for tonight. For trying to put my mind at ease. I mean, it worked- somewhat."

Zyandahl sighs into Frost's shoulder, pressing more of his face into the soft fur without realizing it. "I don't know, Dyrihm. Maybe we are wrong about him, and he is just... different, and a little bit worse. Maybe he is not as far gone as I think. But I do think. I am sorry."

Froststrider rumbles lightly at Dahl--Dyr of course would know it’s a good sound--then starts to move away to let the two go free, "A rest would be... appreciated." He mutters, still out of it from the attempt to hook Nob as well.

Zyandahl startles and steps back. "Yes, I--" his voice is WAY more awake than is was a second ago before Frost pulled away. "--I will leave you both to that."

Dyrihm lightly ruffles Frost's mane, and moves to settle into the bed. He noticed that sound from Frost, and let it lead to his next suggestion. "Do you-" He clasped his hands together in front of him. "Dahl, would you stay? All this shit with the Blade is- it's so ominous. I'd feel... I'd like you both here." His voice grows quieter and quieter, as if he's regretting asking something so ridiculous.

Dyrihm glances at Frost, as if to ask, 'would this be all right?'

Froststrider sees that glance and nods before getting up to get his prosthetic and armor off. Plus, to let the two figure out sleeping arrangements before he gets back in. Good thing they got a giant bed.

Zyandahl is a deer in headlights. He literally did not expect this question with ANY fiber of his being. He wants to immediately say yes, because of course he wants to and he can't so no to Dyr, but... He glances at Frost. This is Frost's bed too. Frost... nods.

Zyandahl Which is NOT what Dahl was expecting.

Zyandahl stammers, "I-- yes. Yes of course-- if you would like me too--" He looks down at his metal fucking arms and then hugs himself a bit. "I can, ah, go get my sleeves for these, for bed. I... usually sleep in pants over my legs, but-- I suppose I can remove the legs...? I do not imagine they would be comfortable-- though I suppose none of me is probably very comfortable-- for sleeping next to, that is, I meant." Hooo boy he's nervous.

Dyrihm blinks. He hadn't considered this either. "Oh. I hadn't considered- you don't have to take your legs off. And I have an old shirt, if you want?"

Froststrider is stripped down to his pants but he glances over to Dahl, comes over, picks him up bridal style and dumps him on the bed. He grunts about Dyr's shirt option, go with that yeah.

Zyandahl makes a noise that is very high pitched and for which there is no name, eyes wide as they get. "I--!" He looks at Dyr like 'wtf just happened' and then says "I may rip your shirt. And maybe the sheets. My sleeves are tougher fabric? But if you do not mind?" His voice is higher than usual and he's too startled by all of this to notice enough to care.

Dyrihm actually laughs. "I'll grab the shirt."

[wgwhite]

Andy Weir’s ‘The Martian’, A review – Or: ‘How many potatoes can a man eat on Mars?’

Not since the Mountain faced off against the Red Viper have I felt quite so tense whilst viciously clutching a book between my frail man fingers.

I’m tempted to tell you to just read the book. Don’t read this, read the book! Fair warning, this review will feature spoilers. ‘Cause…I wanna talk about the book, OK?

The Martian, by Andy Weir is a roller-coaster on speed. It’s like watching your favourite comedian walking a tightrope between the London Shard and the Gherkin whilst doing his best routine with no safety harness and a swarm of angry, UKIP supporting super wasps doing fly by stingings. Sure, you’re laughing–but who knows when one of those bastard bugs’ll get a pot shot and the laughter goes tumbling back to Earth. Splat. Bye-bye laughter!

Tumbling back to Earth is something Mark Watney would have loved to do. Being stuck on Mars sounds…frightening. If you don’t know the story, here it is in a nutshell: Mark Watney, one of six Ares III crew members (a NASA organised manned Mars mission) finds himself stranded on the red planet when a nasty storm causes an emergency evacuation. On his way to the MAV (fancy speak for spaceship), Mark goes and gets himself a little bit impaled on flying debris and the rest of the crew shrugs apathetically, climbs into the rocket and slings their collective hooks. Bye-bye, Mark!

With only his super botany skills, above average mechanical engineering skills, and a whole boatload of smarts, Mark must find a way to resist Mars’ wiles and keep himself alive until he can be rescued. But with no way to communicate with NASA, and not knowing if anyone realises he’s even alive, Mark is faced with the damn right daunting reality that he’ll either have to survive until the next Ares mission (four years away), or die alone on a godforsaken rock.

He gets busy, gettin’ busy, I’ll tell ya that for free!

You might recall in my last review (David Brin’s Uplift), I mentioned that I’m a slow reader. Whilst that’s true, every rule has an exception. And The Martian is my exception. I read it in five days, which is a record for me. Others say they read it in a single sitting, but you know what, whatever. Five days is impressive, I don’t care what you think!

Every page of this book is a turner. Be prepared for a whole bunch of science, though. I’m not sure how accurate it all is; the last science I did was in secondary school, eight years ago. I did alright in GCSE science (B,B?). Either way, Weir clearly knows his stuff, and it’s incredible to see so much research and hard science in a work of fiction. It makes the entire thing that much more believable.

That said, this is a survival story to the bone. This is the sort of stuff Bear Grylls should be doing. Oh, you ate a live scorpion? Good for you, Bear. Mark Watney ate potatoes…which he grew…on Mars…after harnessing the bacteria in his own homemade chocolate pudding.

You crossed the Sahara Desert did ya, Bear? Very impressive, Bear. Well done, Bear! Mark Watney crossed MARS, Bear! He pimped a rover, and drove 3,200 kilometres with a radioactive radiator as his only source of heat!

Face it, Bear. You’ve been dethroned.

Just to clarify, I’m aware that Mark Watney isn’t real…but he is, so shush.

I’m not typically a fan of first person narratives, but this isn’t pure first person, so it’s fine. Not that there’s anything wrong with first person–a good story’s a good story–but I just prefer third person.

We, the audience, get semi-regular daily updates from Mark as he sits down and types out his misadventures. Should I say daily? Soly? Eh…anyway, I thought it was pretty neat of Mark to format his diary as one would a typical novel. 0.6” indent on new paragraphs. Double spaced. 0.5” margins. Thanks, Mark. Very considerate. Honestly though, that was the only thing that drew me out. Once. And it’s not something that can be helped, it was just a thought that paid me a visit whilst reading. Anyway, this format allows for plenty of interesting story telling tricks because everything’s told from a first person account of past events. So, a log entry can start (and often does) with something like:

“I f**ked up. I f**ked up big.”

And instantly my heart is racing. Whatcha do, Mark? Are you doomed? Don’t let it be so, Mark. You’ve gotta make it back! The world’s watching, Mark!

Mark Watney might just be my favourite fictional character in recent years. I actually care about this person. I care if he lives or dies. I’m invested in his survival. Well done, Weir. You made me care for a non-thing! Mark’s a funny, optimistic, ridiculously intelligent bloke. Yeah he swears, and he throws tantrums, but wouldn’t you in his shoes? His resourcefulness and ingenuity is utterly inspiring. Really, at the end, it begs the question: could I do what Mark Watney did? Even with the intelligence and training. Could I have lived alone, stranded on a world that doesn’t even support the simplest of bacterial life, for a year and a half? Would I have gone insane? Taken the easy way out? Or, more simply, would I have failed?

See, Mark falls down. He falls down a lot. But he also manages to dust himself off, and get back to it. So the message I’m taking away from The Martian is that of perseverance. When the universe decides to pile it on, when everything’s getting too damn much, I’m just gonna remember that Mark Watney endured a year and a half of disco music and nothing else, but despite that he remained a sane man.

What an inspiration.

* * *

The Martian is Andy Weir’s debut novel, and is soon to become one of those moving picture books staring Matt Damon and directed by Ridley Scott. Weir first self-published The Martian,but was later picked up by an agent which is both bloody rare, and really, really lucky for us all. I don’t know if I’d have heard of this fantastic book had it remained self-pubbed.

Check Andy Weir out here: http://www.andyweirauthor.com/

And check out The Martian here: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Martian-Andy-Weir/dp/0091956145/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1438977239&sr=8-1&keywords=the+martian

[unfortunate-stranger-losers]

Six Baudelaires AU, Part One {AO3} {Read from the Beginning}

Chapter Four → in which Nick and Klaus finally get into a Library

“Do you think if one of us died, the rest’d get transferred somewhere else?” Nick asked, hanging upside-down from the rotting couch. “I’ll take one for the team.”

“Nick, get off of that and help us dust.” Lilac said.

The children’s brief hope that they might be able to make themselves feel at home here had been quashed quite fast. They’d only been there a few days, but they’d already begun to hate every part of the house; since they used the curtains as blankets, the sun shining through the window every morning woke them up incredibly early, which was not good for Lilac and Nick- especially since they couldn’t find a coffee machine, meaning that without her daily dose of caffeine, Lilac was grumpy for at least half the day.

It might’ve been a bit better if their new guardian had been kind, but, well, that didn’t seem to be the case. The only real good thing about him was that he wasn’t around often- he was usually out of the house or up in his tower room, where the children weren’t allowed to be. They occasionally saw him at nighttime, but they rarely tried to talk to him, as he seemed to not like them a lot, and Lilac mentioned feeling uncomfortable around him, and if Lilac didn’t like someone, it meant that her siblings hated them. The most communication they had with him were the list of instructions he would leave in the kitchen for them in the morning; he tended to leave them incredibly difficult chores, such as repairing the porch or cleaning out the chimney, but none of the children dared to find out what would happen if they failed to complete the list by nightfall, especially after his threats from the first day.

What infuriated the twins most, though, was that instead of signing his name at the bottom of the page, Olaf simply signed with the drawing of an eye.

The same drawing of an eye they saw everywhere.

“It’s like he’s taunting us.” Nick said, after remaining on the couch for another minute, pulling out the note and staring at the signature. “Like he knows we don’t know what it is and thinks it’s funny to throw it in our faces.”

“Do you want to ask him?” Violet asked, dropping her duster and walking over, snatching the note from her brother’s hands.

“Do you think he’d tell us?” Nick groaned.

“Shut up and help us.” Violet said.

“I am helping, I’m watching Sunny.” Nick said.

Sunny, who was too small to reach many places she’d have to while dusting the living room, had been placed on a couch, where her job was to look for insects and warn her siblings of them. She took her job very seriously, and she was still scanning the room, biting onto the edge of a stick they’d found for her in the yard. While Soli was also small, she was slightly larger than her sister, so she was allowed to crawl under tables and clear away cobwebs. Lilac and Violet were climbing on top of furniture to reach high places, while Klaus was mainly dusting the shelves; nobody really trusted him not to fall off of things.

“There’s nothing for me to do anyway.” Nick said.

“You could get started on the next room.” Lilac said.

“The note only said ‘living room.’” Nick shrugged. “Check it, Vi.”

“I know what it says.” Violet rolled her eyes.

“I know,” Lilac said, “But maybe… maybe if we show Olaf how hard-working we are, he’ll be a bit nicer to us.”

“Or maybe he’ll just give us more shit to do.”

“Nick, language.”

“I’m with Nick here, actually.” Klaus said quietly. “We should just do this room and get it over with.”

“Then what?” Violet asked. “What else do we have to do? We don’t have school.”

“I wish all our books didn’t burn up.” Klaus said quietly.

“Strau!” Soli called from beneath a table. “Justice Strauss said we could visit her anytime, and didn’t she have a library?”

“Hey, yeah, we could go there!” Klaus said.

“Look,” Lilac said, “She said we could go over, but we don’t want to bother her, she’s probably very busy, and we have chores to do. So, Nick, if you could get off your ass and help out a little, that’d be great.”

Nick rolled his eyes, but nodded, standing up and grabbing his duster off of the sofa. “Sunny, you’re watching yourself now.”

“Ooh.” Sunny said. “Cool.”

Nick wandered over to Klaus, watching as Soli crawled out from under the table and went to look under the couch. Once he was sure Lilac and Violet had stopped paying attention to him, he quietly asked his twin, “Do you still have it?”

“Of course.” Klaus nodded, reaching into his pocket to feel the cylinder. “Always with me.”

“I don’t want it to go missing.” Nick said. “It’s the only clue we have.”

“I’m well aware of that.” Klaus said. “Maybe we can find something about it. Maybe we could go into town and check the public library.”

“The public library sucks, Klaus,” Nick reminded him, “We’d be lucky to find anything in there.”

“It’s not that bad-”

“They don’t have anything more recent than twenty years ago, and the Librarian doesn’t say anything, other than asking me if I’ve been good to my Mother.”

Both boys fell silent at that.

“You’re right, I do remember that.” Klaus said.

“What the hell would we tell him now, anyway?” Nick sighed.

Quietly, they got back to cleaning, the conversation having turned a bit too upsetting for them at the moment.

The next day, however, the twins got their way, when they went down to the kitchen for their list of chores for the day. Violet, carrying Sunny, moved over to the pot on the stove first, grabbing cracked bowls from the counter so she could dish out their breakfast- Olaf always left them cold oatmeal, so at least they had some food for the day. Nick and Klaus went to set the table, the former carrying Soli, and Lilac grabbed the note, reading it over. She read it over quite a few times, as Violet finished dishing out food, and Klaus helped her carry it over to the table, leaving Nick to wrestle the napkins away from Soli, who had gotten bored and wanted to bite something.

When they were finally all sitting, Lilac read the note aloud.

“My theater troupe will be coming for dinner before tonight’s performance. Have dinner ready for all six of us by the time we arrive at seven o’clock. Buy the food, prepare it, set the table, serve dinner, clean up afterwards, and stay out of our way.”

“We don’t have any money.” Violet said quickly.

“There’s a small bag on the table.” Lilac said glumly, handing the note to Klaus. “I assume that’s got money. We’ll have to count it out to find out what we can afford.”

“None of us can cook for shit.” Nick said.

“Language.” Lilac said. “And I’m aware of that, we all know what happens when we try to make anything that’s not toast.”

“And sometimes we burn the toast.” Klaus said, smiling a little. “Do you remember, about a week after Soli was born, when we tried to make our parents breakfast-”

“And we got distracted by Nick trying to wake Soli just to spite her,” Lilac nodded, “And we burnt the toast.”

“Hmm?” Soli asked. “I don’t remember that.”

“That was before I liked you.” Nick said, grinning over at the toddler. “Remember? Took me six weeks, and then we were best friends.”

“You tried to throw her off the roof.” Violet reminded him.

“That’s just sibling bonding.”

“But anyway,” Lilac said, “Remember we tried to put it out, and we messed it up worse, and Mother and Father woke up smelling smoke-”

“And they ran down, and just saw us staring at the black toast like it was the biggest disappointment of our lives.” Violet giggled. “And they just laughed and laughed, and made us pancakes.” Sunny grinned a little at that; she loved pancakes.

“Yeah.” Klaus said. “But I think we can all agree the biggest disappointment of our lives is Nick.”

“Oh, you wanna go there, Baudelaire?” Nick asked, fake-glaring at his twin. “You really need to respect your elders.”

“We’re twins.”

“Yeah, but I’m older.”

“By thirteen minutes, that’s hardly-”

“Tagenon.” Sunny said quietly. “I wish we had pancakes, this oatmeal has no flavor.”

They fell silent, remembering the pancakes their parents used to make.

“I wish they were here.” Violet said quietly.

“They’d never let us stay in this awful place.” Lilac agreed.

“If they were here,” Klaus said softly, “We wouldn’t be here in the first place.”

“Klaus-” Lilac began.

“I hate it here, Lilac!” Klaus said suddenly, glaring down at the table, as Nick and Violet both jumped in surprise. “I hate this house! I hate our room! I hate having to do all of these chores, I hate Count Olaf-”

Lilac reached over the table to put a hand over her brother’s. “I know.” she said. “I hate it, too.”

Klaus looked over at his sister, his expression shifting quickly from anger to relief. Just hearing someone agree with him made him feel a lot better.

“I hate everything about our lives right now.” Lilac said. “But we have to keep our chin up, right?”

Klaus bit his lip. “It’s a bit hard right now, Li.”

“Well, there’s always something.” Lilac said. “We’ll find something. But first, we need to find out what to do about this whole ‘cooking’ thing.”

“We could find a cookbook.” Klaus said. “Read up on how to cook.”

“I don’t think there are any cookbooks in here.” Nick said. “Remember, Sunny and Soli went through the cabinets to look for bugs the other day.”

“There aren’t any books in this house.” Violet groaned.

“Don’t remind me.” Klaus said.

“We could go visit Justice Strauss.” Nick suggested.

They glanced at Lilac, who sighed. “I don’t see any other option.” she said. “Let’s hope she’s not busy.”

Justice Strauss wasn’t busy after all; she opened the door very quickly after Lilac knocked, smiling at the children. “Hello, Baudelaires!” she said brightly. They all greeted her, and she said, “I’m sorry, I’ve been meaning to visit the last few days, but I’ve been very busy with a high court case.”

“What’s it about?” Klaus asked, suddenly interested.

“I can’t say much,” the adult said, “Only that it involves a poisonous plant and illegal use of someone’s credit card.”

“Yeeka.” Sunny said from Klaus’s arms, which meant, “How interesting!”

“Justice Strauss,” Lilac asked, “I’m sorry, but do you have any cookbooks we could borrow? We’re preparing dinner for Olaf and his troupe tonight, and we can’t find a cookbook in the house.”

Justice Strauss looked surprised. “My goodness, cooking dinner for an entire theater troupe seems like a lost to ask of children.”

The kids got a bit quiet. “Count Olaf gives us a lot of responsibility.” Violet said finally.

“Well, come on in.” Justice Strauss said. “You can find any book you like.”

The siblings followed Justice Strauss into her elegant house, and they went through a hallway and into an enormous room that immediately delighted them all- especially Nick and Klaus, who both lit up upon seeing it. They had walked into her private library, and there were shelves of books from floor to ceiling, and more shelves throughout the room, and books scattered across the ground; the only places without books were the corners filled with chairs and tables.

“This is beautiful!” Violet said quickly.

“Wow!” Soli squealed.

“Lilac, can we live here?” Nick asked, only half-jokingly.

“Thank you all so much.” Justice Strauss said, smiling brightly. “I’ve been collecting for years. You can take any books you like, so long as you keep them in good condition.”

Klaus looked like all his dreams had come true at once.

“That’s very kind of you.” Lilac said.

“The cookbooks are on the Eastern wall.” Justice Strauss said. “Should I get show you?”

“Yes, please,” Lilac nodded, “And… if it’s not too much trouble, do you have any books on mechanical engineering?”

“Inventing is an interest of ours.” Violet said, gesturing between her and her sister.

“And do you have any books on wolves?” Klaus asked. “Recently I’ve been fascinated by wild animals of North America.”

“I’d be interested in more books on tide pools.” Nick admitted.

Soli and Sunny glanced at each other, wondering what books they could request. Finally, Soli just said, “Book!”

Justice Strauss smiled. “It’s a pleasure to see young people like yourselves show such an interest in books. Why don’t you find a recipe you like first, though?”

“That’s a great idea.” Lilac nodded, smiling.

They each took a cookbook from the shelf, moving to a small table. As they sat down, Klaus hesitantly looked over at Justice Strauss, and pulled the cylinder from his pocket. “Justice Strauss,” he asked, “Have you ever seen one of these?”

Justice Strauss looked at it curiously, and after a moment, Klaus handed it over to her to look at closer. “No, I can’t say I have. What is it?”

“It was… something our parents had. It broke in half, though.”

“Hmm.” Justice Strauss handed it back. “I’ll tell you what, I’ll see what I can find, and I’ll tell you as soon as I hear something.”

“I found something!” Violet suddenly said.

“What?” Klaus asked, turning and pocketing the cylinder.

“Pasta Puttanesca.” she said, holding up the cookbook she’d been flipping through.

“That sounds Italian.” Lilac noted.

“I wonder what it means.” Klaus said.

“I think it means ‘very few ingredients.’” Nick said.

“That’s great.” Lilac said, looking like she didn’t care at all.

Klaus considered a moment. “I don’t think that’s right.”

“I don’t think you’re right.” Nick retorted.

“Boys.” Lilac sighed, trying to remind them to behave in front of Justice Strauss. “Violet, what does the recipe call for?”

“All we need to do,” Violet said, as Sunny peered over her shoulder, “Is saute olives, capers, anchovies, garlic, chopped parsley, and tomatoes together in a pot, and prepare spaghetti to go with it.”

“That’s a lot of things.” Klaus said.

“Sounds easier than I thought.” Lilac said, as Soli picked up a random cookbook and started flipping through the pages, looking at the pictures of food. “We can copy the recipe onto scrap paper, so we won’t have this book in the kitchen with all the sauce, and then we can go into town to get the ingredients.”

“I’d be happy to go with you.” Justice Strauss said. “You children probably shouldn’t be wandering the local market by yourselves.”

Lilac hesitated. “Would that be a bother?”

“Of course not. I’d be perfectly happy to help you children.” Justice Strauss assured them.

The siblings smiled at each other, and then Lilac picked up Sunny, and Nick picked up Soli, and the eldest Baudelaire said, “Alright, then. Let’s go to the market.”

Count Olaf had not given the Baudelaires very much money, but they managed to buy everything they needed. Justice Strauss brought them to the local market, and they split up to cover more ground- Justice Strauss and Sunny bought olives at a street vendor, while Violet and Klaus picked up enough noodles for twelve people- the six members of the troupe plus the six of them- and Lilac, Nick and Soli went to the supermarket for the rest of the ingredients. While they were there, Lilac used the last of their funds to buy a pudding mix for dessert.

“Maybe Count Olaf will be a bit nicer to us if we go above and beyond.” she repeated, and Nick didn’t bother arguing with her, instead spending his time trying to entertain Soli, who found shopping quite boring.

The six children then walked home with Justice Strauss, and the two who were not holding infants- Violet and Klaus- carried their grocery bags. “Thank you again for helping us so much.” Violet said as they approached their neighborhood.

“Yeah,” Nick added, “We would’ve been so lost without you, none of us can fend for ourselves.”

“Nick, that’s a lie.” Lilac said.

“I’m thanking her.”

“I’m sure Lilac’s right,” Justice Strauss said, carrying her own groceries, “You seem like very intelligent people, you probably would have thought of something. Though it does still seem odd to me that Count Olaf has asked you to prepare such an enormous meal all by yourselves.”

“It’s alright, really.” Klaus said cautiously.

They stopped in front of Justice Strauss’s house, and she said, “Now, I hope you children will come over again soon! You can borrow any books from my library that you want-”

“Can we come over tomorrow?” Klaus asked.

Lilac elbowed him, but Justice Strauss just said, “Of course!”

“We can’t tell you how much we appreciate this.” Violet said.

She and her siblings then shared a quick look; they wondered if they were supposed to do something in return. They hadn’t had much interaction with adults outside of their parents and Count Olaf, the latter of whom treated them horribly.

“Tomorrow, before we use your library again,” Lilac said, “We could do some household chores for you.”

“Soli and Sunny can’t do much, but they could find some way to help.” Nick added, as Solitude leaned a head onto his shoulder.

Justice Strauss gave the group of children a smile, but they were a bit alarmed to see that she looked sad. She reached out to put a hand on Lilac’s shoulder, and Lilac felt more comforted than she had in a long while. “That won’t be necessary.” she said softly. “You children are always welcome in my home.”

The children smiled, and waved goodbye as Justice Strauss went into her own house.

“Well.” Nick said quietly. “Guess we better get started in the kitchen.”

“Hopefully nobody sets anything on fire.” Klaus said, his face falling slightly.

“Hopefully we get it done before Count Olaf and his troupe arrive.” Lilac said. “Come on, let’s get started.”

[cbwalive]

CBWA Super Estrella Ep. 6

Ladies and gentlemen welcome to another exciting episode of Super Estrella here on Univision.

I’m Jimmy Ross alongside Gordon Solie and Solie. 

We have a great card tonight before we head to the Great Bogota Bash this Sunday.

That’s right Jimmy, tonight we will give you an update on the condition of the CBWA Intercontinental Champion Hot Stuff Eddie Gilbert.

Also in action CBWA Hall of Famer Steve Ryder, plus we are hearing rumors that the boss Mr. John Schneider has a big announcement concerning the Main Event at The Great Bogota Bash between Roberto Gibson and the CBWA World Heavyweight Champion Goldberg.

Also more names will be announced throughout the show tonight for the big battle royal that will also take place at The Great Bogota Bash where the winner will receive a title shot in the main event at the biggest show of the year Drug Wars 5.

Also in action we will see the in ring return of Ox Baker.

BS Service member Blaster Lashley will be in action as well as he will be in a handicap match.

I hope they pay those poor guys well and the fans have asked for it and we will deliver tonight a returning CBWA Hall Famer will be here tonight.

That’s right all that and so much more as we take you to the ring and the Fink.

Ladies and Gentlemen the following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 10 minute time limit, currently in the ring weighing at 228lbs The Bogota Brawler and his opponent accompanied to the ring by Councilman Tom Zenk, weighing at 329lbs here is Big Bubba Bogota.

  Bubba looks to be in great shape there Gordon as it looks like the Z man’s workout routine is working as the bell rings and we are under way. Bubba with a cheap poke to the eye as the Brawler can’t see in runs into a vicious mafia kick, I can’t believe this man, it’s all but over now as Bubba swings Brawler into the ropes and nails him with a Bubba slam, 1,2,3, Bubba with a big win as we look at the slam of night Gordon.

WINNER: BIG BUBBA BOGOTA

As you can see The Bogota Brawler was not expecting the finger poke to the eye and it was all but over after that as Bubba hits the big Bubba slam and that is your slam of the night as we now take you to Kenny at our interview table with the number one contenders City Hall.

Thank you Gordon, City Hall come on in here, very impressive tonight as you guys get ready to face the CBWA Tag Team Champions Roberto Gibson and Auzztin, your thoughts going into The Great Bogota Bash?

Kenny, The Mayor has declared Sunday - City Hall Day in Bogota. That’s the day when we get to claim what is rightfully ours.

The Z-Man and myself are ready to take what is rightfully ours and Gibson your receipt is coming and pal I have a lot of them saved up waiting to be cashed on, well Bob you shouldn’t worry about Goldberg you should worry about this foot up your ass.

Now before you guys leave I would like to go back to last week when you reference some “associates” care to clear up the air?

Interview over chump!

Well guys it looks like City Hall is in ready for The Great Bogota Bash but what about the champs, I’m going to try to get an interview with them later on and report back to you guys.

Thank you Kenny we’ll definitely keep our ears open for that, well I’m being told, The BS Service is heading out here. 

It looks as though that is the case, stay tuned folks this should get interested.

And welcome back folks to CBWA Super Estrella and almost right on Que here comes The BS Service and Mr. John Schneider.

Last week if you remember folks the contract signing got a bit out of hand to put it lightly and Mr. Schneider did not look very happy as Gibson, Goldberg and AuZZtin held off The BS Service.

Mr. Schneider now has the mic in his hand.

We are officially on the road to The Great Bogota Bash and I can’t wait, I guarantee you this will be the worse night of Roberto Gibson’s life and if you think for a second that you are getting the night off tonight you’re wrong pal, because in this very ring tonight it will be the tag champions of Gibson and AuZZtin against BS Service members, The CBWA South American Champion The Miz and The Tribal Chief Raman Reigns.

Now as a favor to City Hall the Tag Team Titles are not on the line.

Now as far as your big night ahead of you at The Great Bogota Bash Mr. Gibson, I wanna make sure you lose fairly so I have let our head referee Nicholas Patrick, that he will not be the referee in your match against Goldberg. I personally have appointed a special guest referee for the main event and let me introduce him now.

Well Gordon, this is huge who could this be as Mr. Schneider is directing the entrance ramp.

Whoever it is Jimmy, he has to be huge, as we all know Mr. Schneider has deep pockets.

Well Gordon no one is coming out maybe Roberto found out who it is and took him out?

Bolin what the hell is going on? I thought you said he is here?

I did Mr. Schneider let me go back there and get him.

You know what, I’ll  go back there with you and confront this son of a bitch for making us look like a fool, everybody just stay right here we’ll be right back.

Well this is the damndest thing I’ve ever seen Gordon who could be the special referee for the Championship match? 

I don’t know Jimmy but whoever it is they are not off to a great relationship with the boss

Well here they come back looking baffled, I can’t wait to hear this explanation -- we’ll be right back folks. 

And welcome back folks, I believe we are ready for the official announcement - here’s the boss.

 Well it seems to be a little mix up here but it’s all fixed now, ladies and gentleman please look up at the big screen -- the special guest referee………..is me. 

Well son of a bitch, he tricked us the entire time and Gordon, he has on a damn referee shirt on for crying out loud…

Roberto’s chances have just gone to zero after this shocker Jimmy, Folks, we need to take another quick break and we’ll be right back, my God, what a night - and we’re just getting started. 

And welcome back to Super Estrella

If you are just joining us Mr. John Schneider just dropped a bombshell and has appointed himself as the special guest referee for the CBWA Championship Match at The Great Bogota Bash between the champion Goldberg and Roberto Gibson.

On top of all that, Gibson and AuZZtin will go against The Miz and Reigns tonight. Gibson is on the highway to hell if you ask me as we now take it to Kenny who is with the tag champs, Kenny.

Thanks Gordon.

Roberto you heard what Mr. Schneider said…

Let me stop you right there Kenny, first off his name is John, not Mr. Schneider, so I heard what John said and it doesn’t surprise me, he’s had it in for me from the start, so John stack all the cards against me, I don’t give a damn because at The Great Bogota Bash you will fall at your feet and your worst nightmare will come true. And for the 6th time, the CBWA World Heavyweight Champion.

As far as your hand pick number one contender, that Samoan Bitch boy, tonight I will give you just a little taste of what it’s going to be like at Wrestle Rock at Sea 4 -- the PPV that I own the rights too, did you know that Kenneth -- that’s my damn show. 

And let me say something Kenny, as far as that little bastard The Miz goes, Miz I want you to shine that South American title up real nice but most importantly shine those lips up because by this time next week after I kick your ass you will be kissing my ass.

You heard the hall of famer, back to you guys.

 Thank you Kenny, it looks like Roberto is not one bit phased over Mr. Schneider’s decision, as we now take you up to the Fink

The next contest is scheduled for one fall with a 10 minute time limit, currently in the ring weighing in a 427LBS, here is The Colombian Booger.

His opponent weighing in at 257LBS,  CBWA Hall of Famer Steve POWERHOUSE Ryder

Ryder is looking jacked Gordon as he is going against the Booger man. Baston looks like he gained another 10LBS just standing there JR.

You may be right on that one Gordon as the bell rings and Ryder charges Booger with a Ryder line, the big man is reeling, Ryder goes off the ropes and nails him again with a Ryder line and Booger goes down, no way Gordon he is signaling for the PileRyder.

There is no way he can get him up JR.

Well Ryder is going for it and my god he has him up. This is very impressive JR

And down goes Booger good god what strength this man has, 1,2,3 ring that bell.

What a very impressive victory for Ryder as we take you now to Kenny at the interview desk.

Thank you Jimmy, Steve Ryder come on in a very dominant victory tonight.

Shut it Kenny, that was just a taste of what the genetic freak can do and last week those pansy boys AJ and Dragon declared themselves in the battle royal, well I did the math and the stats are in favor of Steve Ryder and I’m throwing my name in the hat in the Battle Royal and Main Eventing Drugs Wars 5.

I’m coming to get back my CBWA World Heavyweight title and all my freaks in the sheets will be riding the Ryder train all night long and Kenny after it’s all said and done I’ll even let you sniff my fingers…

Well there you have it and to be honest I have a new favorite to win the battle royal, back to you guys.

I bet you do Kenny, well there you have it Steve Ryder is now in the Battle Royal at The Great Bogota Bash.

Speaking of The Great Bogota Bash The CBWA Intercontinental Championship will be on the line in a 2 out of 3 falls match between the challenger Foot Von Erich and the champion Hot Stuff Eddie Gilbert.

Now this rivalry turned personal last week while during his match with Harry Borwitz Foot Von Erich came down to ringside and got into it with the champ which resulted in a apparent knee injury to Hot Stuff, now Gordon we now have an update for the CBWA fans out there on the champion, following Super Estrella last week, Hot Stuff went to the local hospital in Bogota and the MRI resulted in a torn ACL but we are told the champion will be ready for his title defense at the Bash we shall see as we take you to the Fink

The following contest scheduled for one fall with a 10 minute time limit, currently in the ring weighing in at 234LBS, Jim Neidhart and his opponent weighing in at 256LBS here is Ox Baker

Well Ox is back in the ring as the bell rings and Ox is all over Kendall my god he is unstoppable and holy crap a devastating heart punch and wait a minute Gordon here’s Boltsy storming the ring and he is all over Ox.

This is going to be a DQ for sure as Nicholas Patrick can’t control these two

Boltsy can not wait for the Death Match at The Great Bogota Bash and here comes the big guy.

The former Heavyweight Champion Frank Converse is separating these two and I don’t think he can control this Gordon.  

Frank sure is giving it his best JR.

My god what is it going to be like at The Bash this Sunday when these two finally get it on in the Death Match -- folks, we’ll be right back. 

Welcome back to CBWA Super Estrella folks glad you can join us here tonight.

This Sunday is The Great Bogota Bash live on Pay Per View, this is going to be one you will not wanna miss as a matter of fact lets run down the card for this spectacular. 

That’s right JR it will be a night to remember as we just saw Boltsy will go one on one with Ox Baker in a Bogota Death Match.

That’s going to be something but this one I’m really looking forward to Gordon. The CBWA Intercontinental Championship in a 2 out of 3 falls it will be Hot Stuff against the challenger Foot Von Erich.

The rivalry continues between Bogota OX and Boltsy when they face off in a Colombian Death Match.

For the CBWA Tag Team Titles it will be City Hall against the champions Gibson and AuZZtin in what will be both men’s first match of the night.

That’s right Gordon because for The CBWA South American Title, it will be a kiss my ass match where the loser has to kiss the winners ass when The Miz defends the title against AuZZtin and the key factor of this match will be the condition of the challenger.

This one is going to be epic a 20 man battle royal to determine the #1 contender and a spot to main event the biggest event of the year Drug Wars 5, we have 3 confirmed names and rumor has it a lot of surprises are going to happen in this match, I can’t wait.

 And I can’t wait for this one Gordon, the main event for the CBWA World Heavyweight Title and we just found out that Mr. Schneider will be the special referee when Roberto Gibson will face the World Heavyweight Champion, the man Goldberg.

If Roberto loses and the odds are stacked against him, he will be Mr. Schneider’s and The BS Service’s personal assistant for 30 days and if he does not comply he is out of the CBWA for life.

Whatever you do folks, I urge you to call your local cable provider, don’t you miss this spectacular that everybody will be talking about, order The Great Bogota Bash this Sunday as we now take you to the ring and the Fink

The following contest set for one fall is a 2 on 1 handicap match, currently in the ring at a total combined weight of 332LBS here are David Arquette and Mario Lopez, SCREAM BY THE BELL.

Their opponent, weighing in on 425LBS. Here is Blaster Lashley.

Boy JR Lashley is huge.

That he is Gordon, he must be sneaking a few bites of those Uber Eats Deliveries.   

We all know that Lopez is a former state champion in amateur wrestling and Arquette is a former WCW champion.

As the bell rings, Lopez and Arquette double dropkick Lashley but it doesn’t effect the big man.

Lopez and Arquette going at a full charge on Lashley and the big man knocks them both with a shoulder takedown both men are down.

Lashley now going for the big splash and my god what a maneuver, this one is over folks, 1,2,3 Lashley with the win.

WINNER: BLASTER LASHLEY 

Very impressive win for Lashley as we take you now to Kenny.

Thanks Gordon, Mr. Bolin, Lashley come on in, with The Great Bogota Bash this Sunday what do you have in store for the Bs Service.

Kenny, my boys are primed and ready for this Sunday, I have been training my boys, Cena is now in peak shape, this man right here Lashley is hungry and ready for battle.

The BS Service will be a part of the Battle Royal and I promise you a member of The BS Service will become the Number 1 contender and go and main event Drug Wars 5 I can promise you that, lets go Lashley!

There you go Mr. Bolin promises a winner in the Battle Royal will be a BS Service member, that remains to be seen back to you guys.

Thank you Kenny and who will be able to get the big man Lashley over the top Gordon? It looks like The BS Service will be represented well in the battle royal this Sunday

You may be right about that one Jimmy.

Well folks coming up next, it’s main event time don’t you dare touch that dial we’ll be right back.

And welcome back to CBWA Super Estrella, its main event time as we take you to the Fink

The following contest scheduled for one fall is a tag team match with tv time remaining, introducing first representing the Bs Service at a total combined weight of……….

Oh wait a minute Gibson and AuZZtin attacking Miz and Reigns from behind.

This is chaotic, Gibson is bringing Reigns to the ring and the bell rings and we are under way in this huge main event, Gibson whips Reigns to the corner now tags in AuZZtin and ZZ is stomping a mudhole in his ass and walking it dry.

WAIT a minute from behind, here comes The Miz, but ZZ see’s him and its ZZ and Miz going at and from behind Reigns with a clothesline, referee has got to get this under control.

Reigns now tags in The Miz, The CBWA South American champion, now that ZZ is down of course he starts showboating.

That’s right Jimmy, The Bogota Miz is full of himself…

Now Miz looks like he is going for the skull crushing finale and ZZ hip blocks him, look at Gibson he is getting this crowd pump, he is ready for the tag, ZZ is so close here its comes, but wait just a damn minute Reigns knocks Roberto off the apron, but look at Gibson he has had enough, oh come on referee Patrick stops Roberto

Meanwhile look at the other corner as Reigns and Miz are double teaming ZZ

Why do I have a feeling Patrick has been bought and only being told to see stuff Gordon.

Gibson is chomping at the bit to get in, the Miz now taunting Roberto and now ZZ with a closeline, both men are down ZZ is crawling for the tag.

Gibson is stretching and..he made the tag and here comes the number one contender and he is on fire Gordon.

Dropkick to The Miz, dropkick on Reigns, looks like he is going for a huricurana but Miz cuts him off and ZZ is back up and is all over The Miz.

My god this is chaotic, I wish you could be here folks to experience this live, wait just a damn minute Reigns has a chair but wait here’s the champ Goldberg.

Goldberg is ready for a spear on Reigns.

Here it comes and….. oh my god Reigns moved and Goldberg speared Gibson.

Reigns with the cover 1,2,3 you gotta be kidding me.

Gibson is holding his ribs in pain. ZZ is now in the ring and would you look at this, ZZ and Goldberg, ZZ is asking what the hell?

I don’t think Goldberg speared Gibson on purpose Gordon.

Definitely not Jimmy. 

Gibson shrugs Goldberg off now and this looks like it’s about to explode.

Gibson and Goldberg are arguing on what exactly happened, boy Gordon this does not look good and wait Gibson just superkicked Goldberg what the hell was that about?

I don’t know what is going on in Gibson’s head Jimmy. I don’t know either but look who’s on the ramp enjoying this, it’s Mr. John Schneider.

Mr. Schneider indeed, folks we are out of time please join us this Sunday at The Great Bogota Bash, don’t miss it this Sunday, goodnight folks we will see you at The Bash!