#wanna see france be pity about his debts?

[lord-of-tomatoes]

Western or white people have this tedency to only interested with pre-islam muslim majority countries thanks to orientalism. As if like they assume just because the people mostly muslim that mean disconnected with pre islam culture. Worse some people really think all arab nation has same culture because "islam"

Islam is a big part of their history and culture so to completely disregard it and only focus on stuff before it is kinda stupid to me

Even after the Islamic crusades or whatever it's called in English the religion still affected their social climate and their relations to each other

It's all pretty fascinating stuff and a majority of ppl don't even care to know about it

I'm mostly focused on Egypt on this blog cause I'm Egyptian but other Arabic countries are really cool and interesting too

And also they all have the same culture?? That'd be like me saying that all European countries are the same cause they're all Christian or something

Arabic nations history is very cool and I'd recommend everyone to at least look into it

If you really can't handle history that doesn't have to do with your white European blorbo look up the colonisation of Arabic countries pre ww1 your blorbos are there i promise

[ahundredtimesover]

The Light of Dead Stars (06) | KSJ

Pairing: Seokjin x (f.) Reader; side Seokjin x (f.) OC; side Reader x Namjoon

Genre/Tags: arranged marriage, fake romance, boss/workmate aus; angst, drama, fluff, smut; slow burn

Chapter Warnings: Foul language, alcohol consumption; sensual jokes; feelings (18+)

Chapter Word count: 12k

Series Masterlist | Muse Moodboard | Setting Moodboard

Status: Complete

Series summary:  Your unconventional arranged marriage with your company’s President, Kim Seokjin, is necessary, practical, and simple - both your families benefit, and he minds his own business and so do you. But when a slip-up causes his parents to believe that you and he are in love, you have no choice but to pretend you are, especially with the trip to France for his brother’s wedding coming up. When you get back to Seoul, things start to change, and Seokjin is faced with the most difficult decision he has to make.  

A/N: Hmm things are starting to really pick up now! 

So all these years–since when?–he had been seeing the light of dead stars, long extinguished, yet seemingly still in their appointed places in the heavens.  

You’re greeted with a large bowl of ramyeon when you enter your best friend’s apartment, exciting your senses. For all the Korean ingredients at Jin’s grandparents’ holiday home, instant noodles is what they didn’t have, and you’d been too busy at work since you got back that you hadn’t thought of making it yourself.

You spent yesterday at your parents’ for a day trip and it’s now Sunday, your deserved day for your friends to catch up. You give Jungkook the set of essential oils you got him for his 2 dozen diffusers; Dara gets her fancy wine because she thinks she needs more sophisticated booze in her system; and Jimin is gifted with a pair of earrings that are as pretty as he is. 

“Aww, ___. You didn’t have to, but these are so pretty,” he chirps.

“Yah, don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love this but aren’t you saving up to pay off your debts quicker so you can get out of that sham marriage of yours?” Dara asks. 

You chuckle, missing her bluntness. “Well, I set aside money for this since I didn’t want to seem pitiful to Jin. Plus, he would’ve spent for me if I didn’t buy anything,” you explain. “Also, it’s not a sham marriage, okay? Just an unconventional one.”

“An unconventional one with feelings,” Jungkook says, slurping his soup. 

You glare at him.

“What? You’re not denying it,” he glares back.

“Well, I’m denying it now,” you state. 

“That could mean refusal to admit the truth,” he says.

“Or a declaration of untruth,” you arch a brow. “Why are you trying to outsmart me, Kook? Jin and I had 2 weeks in France where we pretended to be in love. Sure, it wasn’t hard; we sort of just had to be our usual comfortable selves with some hand holding and kissing, no big deal.”

“If those plump lips touched any part of me, I’d be in love,” Dara, unsurprisingly, says. 

“I’m not you, so there’s that,” you counter.

“Fine, if you don’t wanna talk about Jin, then let’s talk about the other fine ass man in your life, aka Joonie boy,” she says. “How was seeing him? What did you talk about other than him suggesting that you run away with him?”

You sigh, recalling that day. It feels so far away yet the scent and the touch and the sound of him still linger. 

“Stuff,” you shrug. “Some things can be said over the phone or written in letters and some, you just have to hear and see them, you know? He’s well, doing lots of amazing things and enjoying every minute of it. He asked if Jin treats me well and I said yes, and he looked pleased. And I just talked about work and mundane things.”

“Wow, years of not seeing each other and you just caught up?” Dara asks, unimpressed.

“I know,” you sigh, leaning on Jimin’s shoulder and hugging the pillow for comfort. “I thought maybe he’d bring up coming home or seeing how he and I could work out. But he waited until the last minute to ask if I wanted to go to Italy with him, start a life there, as if he just thought of it right before we had to part again.”

“God, what is up with that man? Why can’t he just make a decision?” Jimin groans.

“He did,” Jungkook chimes in. “He decided to stay then, and then decided to leave, and he decides every day that whatever his life out there is better than the one he could have next to her.”

“Ooh, that burns,” Dara pouts. 

“I keep thinking that maybe that last-second invite to elope meant he’s still holding onto the rope by its edges,” you say, ignoring Jungkook’s statement. 

“Yeah, just so he doesn’t lose you completely, but he’s not pulling you back in, either,” he counters. 

You release a long sigh and play with your fingers, which is your usual tell that you’re holding back from crying, so Jimin snuggles you - the rare time you let him - and you drown in his embrace. You’ve been trying hard to keep your emotions at bay since you saw Namjoon, not knowing what to think or feel about seeing the man you’ve wanted for so long walk away again.

“Did you ask him to come back? I mean, he asked you to run away with him, but there’s another option, which is him being with you, here,” Dara says.

“I don’t want to be disappointed so I don’t ask, because he’ll just say it’ll be soon like he always does, and I’ll wait because what else is there left to do?”

“Well, it’s a good thing you didn’t ask again. At least then you didn’t give him a chance to make another promise he can’t keep,” Jimin tries to comfort you. “But you gotta be realistic, too, you know? How long will you be waiting? You’ve got a life here, with your husband who's a pretty great guy.”

“A husband who has a girlfriend,” you correct. 

“Hmm, let’s see how long that lasts,” Jungkook says, yelping when you throw the pillow on his face.

“What! I’m just saying. You spend 2 weeks in France with your husband being all lovey-dovey and you can’t tell me that neither of you are looking for that same intimacy you had there. It’s not like he could get that from her daily now that you’re both back,” he continues. “Which brings me to my question - how have you guys been since you got back?”

“Hmm, the same I guess? We've been so busy at work, we barely see each other. We haven’t had dinner for the past 3 days since he’s always in meetings or probably seeing Seri and then I went to see my parents yesterday.”

“And now you’re here with us,” Dara cocks an eyebrow. 

“I miss you guys,” you flutter your eyes.

“Yeah, whatever. But Kook’s onto something, though. You went through college faking smiles at me so I know when it’s genuine. And those photos with Jin tell me just how much fun you had with him. Who knows what he’s thinking, too?” She adds. “But just to remind you, there’s wedding ceremony #2 coming up. Are you ready for another night of faking? If that’s still what it is?”

You disregard her last question but agree with being ready. Honestly, Jin is the one who feels quite far away from you. After 2 weeks of sleeping next to him and waking up to his soft smile, the past few days feel different. 

It’s not that you miss him. You definitely don’t because that’s just insane, but it’s like reality truly hit you - you’re back to living under the same roof but separately; he still has a girlfriend and there’s still a man who chooses everyday to not be with you. Jin has barely spoken to you since you both got back, and there’s that part of you that wonders if those 2 weeks had just been a dream, and you hate that it suddenly matters; you hate that you wish it didn’t.

Jin isn’t avoiding you. Or more like, he convinces himself that he isn’t avoiding you. 

The night you both got back, he didn’t get a wink of sleep. He tossed and turned in bed when he’s usually a stiff sleeper. He kept shifting to his side, telling himself he didn’t wish that it was your snoring that he was met with. 

It felt like he’d just closed his eyes and then his alarm was going off, which was also rare since he always woke up before it. It was obvious that he didn’t sleep and he knew you’d notice and he wouldn’t know what to say so he rushed to work and didn’t wait for you. He was filled with meetings that next day until the late evening and had Yoongi look for a nice restaurant that was still open at 11PM. Jin did the same thing the next day.

He woke up late that Saturday to a text of you saying that you’d be taking the train to Gwangju, and he completely forgot about it because if he actually spoke to you, you’d remind him, but he’d been chickening out even just texting you so he wasn’t able to have Mr. Lim drive you there, so he spent that day worrying about you instead.

Yesterday, you went out with your friends. He figured that you were trying to spend time with others after those 2 weeks with him and he doesn’t blame you. Maybe if he took up Seri’s invitation to meet up that weekend, he’d have something to do, but it didn’t feel right being with her. That, and he really had to sleep, so he spent it playing games the whole day and then passing out in bed after. 

It’s now Monday and he feels like he’d just run a marathon. He’s still exhausted, and while he psyched himself up to see you in the morning, you’re the one who was out early to attend a food expo just outside the city. 

He’s about to snap at Yoongi for chiding him for avoiding you when you suddenly call, and Jin almost drops his phone in surprise but then lets it ring thrice before he picks up.

“Hey, ___. Everything okay? How is it there?” He asks, trying to sound calm.

“Yeah I’m fine, and it’s nice here. I’m getting a few ideas but I’ve mostly been eating,” you chuckle. “And you?”

“Good, just running through some things with Yoongi,” he replies. “It’s midday but I feel like I’ve barely done much.”

“Well, you’ve been so busy. I checked on you last night to see if you wanted to have dinner with me but you were passed out in bed. Please tell me you’ve at least been eating,” you sigh.

You went to check up on him last night? Damn it.

“Yeah, don’t worry. Eating is something I cannot miss,” he says. 

“Okay, good. So, uh, will you be free tonight? I’m craving pizza. I’ve been thinking about the one we had in one of the alleys in Grasse,” you reply dreamily. “So maybe we can have that, if you’re not too busy?”

“Tonight?” Jin asks, checking his tablet after Yoongi makes an “X” sign to see what he’s gonna have to reschedule. It’s a late afternoon meeting with one of their Asian distributors and that usually lasts hours.

“Sure, I can see you tonight,” Jin says to Yoongi’s dismay, who merely shakes his head because he really doesn’t like talking to that man’s secretary. “Will you still drop by here or I’ll meet you at the restaurant instead?

“I can meet you at the restaurant; it’ll be a while before I get to leave here.”

“Alright, I’ll see you then,” he says, hanging up after you say your goodbye.

Yoongi’s arched eyebrow is what meets him as he looks up.

“Didn’t you just postpone dinner with Seri because you wanted tonight’s meeting to be done with?”

“Uh, well. ___ is my wife,” he says. “I’ve barely seen her since we got back.”

“Yeah, from your 2-week vacation together,” Yoongi reminds him. “Looked like you enjoyed your time there, then.”

There’s no malice in the secretary’s voice or any hint of something suggestive. It’s merely a statement of an observation, one that Jin immediately confirms. 

“I’m glad you did,” Yoongi mumbles. “You deserved that break and at least you spent it with someone you like being with.”

Jin can’t help the smile that graces his face until he catches himself. Thinking about you the past few days has been giving him stress, but hearing you again after what feels so long and finding out that you checked up on him in his room - which you barely do - makes him feel better, like all is right again in the world.

Almost.

“I can’t believe I’m saying this but just… don’t forget to schedule that dinner with Seri, okay?” Yoongi states. “I saw her this morning and she told me to make sure you’re eating and taking your vitamins since she assumes you’re stressed and busy.”

“Yah! Of course I am!” Jin scowls. “When am I not?”

“You are today but you’re rescheduling a meeting for dinner with your wife.” Yoongi walks closer and faces the phone lying on the desk with 3 unread messages from Seri towards Jin. “I’m just saying, if things are changing, you’re gonna have to make a decision soon. You can’t do this to either of them, even to yourself.”

You anxiously wait at the Italian restaurant that you told Jin about earlier, somehow counting the minutes until he arrives. 

After your talk with your best friends yesterday, you knew you had to stop avoiding him, too, because in a way, you were. For one, you weren’t bugging him like you usually do, and you weren’t texting him either. 

As your longest friend, Jungkook had been firing from all cylinders, pretty much since the beginning of this whole ordeal; he’s just doing it less subtly this time. But he hugged you before you left his apartment last night and reminded you that choosing yourself doesn’t always mean hanging onto the only things that are familiar, that the next person who could love you may just be right around the corner. Dara and Jimin had been the ones to suggest to just try to go back to how things were before the trip - you and Jin minded your own business but still had nights or days that you’d spend together. 

You thought it would be last night but he was fast asleep in bed. Mrs. Kang had said that he spent the entire day playing his games and you wondered, for the briefest moment, why he chose not to spend it with Seri, since you heard from Mrs. Kang that he was also just at home but that Seri wasn’t there. But you remind yourself it’s nothing you should worry or even think about. 

You didn’t want to go on being strangers or ghosts living under the same roof because it would be more awkward once you have to pretend being in love again this Saturday. The thought makes you dizzy, especially since there will be more people around, including her, and you do need to strategize with your husband. The last thing you want is to make it seem like you’re rubbing in her face that he’s legally with you, even if deep inside you know that it’s only on paper. He’s hung onto Seri long enough.

“Hey, did I make you wait too long?” Jin’s low voice shakes you out of your thoughts.

“Oh, no, not at all,” you say, standing up, and you look at each other awkwardly.

“Are we supposed to hug?” He chuckles.

“Uh, yeah sure,” you respond, leaning forward to lightly wrap your arms around his waist while his wrap around your shoulders, taking in his spicy scent that you’ve been without these past few days. “Sorry, I thought we’re gonna have to get used to it again.”

Jin’s smile falls a little but he doesn’t think you notice. “Of course. Tae and Hyun-a are coming back on Wednesday and it’s last minute preps for Saturday. Mother and Father are the ones stressed about it since there are 600 guests.”

“Oh goodness. Do you think we can just say hi one time and then be done with it?” You ask, worrying about how you’re going to handle socializing with that many people because as Jin’s mother had told you before, your husband is now just as much the head of the family as his father is, and that extends to you, as his wife.

“Well, wouldn’t that be ideal,” he sighs. “It’s my brother’s wedding but I have to engage with guests as much as he does.”

“Speaking of which,” you mumble, “Seri’s gonna be there, right? How are we, uh… how are we supposed to, uh…”

“Act?”

“Yeah? I mean, she’s your girlfriend and–”

“And you’re my wife, that I’m supposed to be in love with,” he says much too sharply.

“Yeah, but you aren’t, and the woman you’re actually into, who got to you first, is gonna be there,” you point out. “It was okay before because she wasn’t around but now she will be and I don’t want to make her feel bad. I know you say she’s fine with the whole situation but she’s never had to see us be sweet or affectionate before, and after France, I’m pretty sure your family’s gonna be expecting the same or more.”

“I know,” he sighs. “I’ll give her a heads up and maybe caution her, ask her to not let it affect her too much. I’ll see her before Saturday.

“Okay,” you smile, somewhat feeling lighter now that you’re assured. “Now on to dinner.”

Your initial worry of things being weird quickly melts away. After those first few minutes have gone, it’s as if you and Jin didn’t spend the last 4 days unintentionally dodging each other. 

You get 2 orders of pizza and pasta because you couldn’t decide, and then finish the rest of it over wine when you get back home, laughing and talking like you both don’t have work in the morning. But you both hold your liquor well and are only a tad bit tipsy when you decide to end the night. 

It feels nice being this way again, being this comfortable and secure in this odd relationship with him, and despite the act you have to put on, you admit that there’s a tiny part of you that truly believes in the sincerity in all this, that somehow, it was meant to be like this. And you’ll take it, if only not to lose him as a friend.

Seri excitedly opens her door and waits for Jin to be inside her apartment before she wraps her arms around his waist.

“I miss you so much,” she sighs, feeling as if all is right in the world again. 

It’s been too long, she thinks, from that 2-week trip to France to another week of him being busy with all the work that definitely greeted him when he got back. She didn’t expect that he’d ask to have dinner at her apartment, though, as she’d somehow gotten used to the guesthouse at his place that he shares with you, but she’ll take it. This isn’t the longest that they’ve been apart; there was a time when they were completely broken up, she reminds herself, and after they got back together again, she’d gotten used to whatever time that he could spend with her, knowing that she can’t really demand anything, especially since she isn’t the type of person to do that.

“Hey,” Jin responds, pulling away and smiling at her. “How have you been?”

“Good,” she beams, taking the bag of takeout from him and setting the table. “I mean, nothing new nor exciting. What about you? How was your trip, by the way?”

Jin looks visibly nervous, so she takes his hand and motions for him to look at her. “Hey, it’s okay. I’ve thought of all the possibilities of what could’ve happened there so you don’t have to worry. All I ever asked of you was to be honest with me.”

Seri has always been kind. It’s one of the things that stood out to him when he first met her as part of his management team. She’s bubbly and bright, easy to get along with, and incredibly charming. She’s caring and understanding, and he doesn’t recall a time when she ever frowned or got angry; even their rare little arguments from before never cracked her, neither have the 5 years of being his secret. 

So he tells her everything - the one bed, the dances, the kisses, the fake couple photos, the food explorations.

“It wasn’t hard now, was it?” She giggles. “I remember you worrying how it was going to be since you and ___ aren’t that close or comfortable. But it seems like it worked out well. I’m glad you didn’t stress out too much about it.”

“Well, I had to be the calm one for her. She was worried about you,” Jin shares, “worried about what you’d think or feel.”

“Five years is a long time, Jin, you should tell her that,” she smiles, the irony unmistakable for him. “I’m still here with you, and nothing has changed that. She’s why I still get to be with you, anyway.”

Jin takes in Seri’s features - there’s innocence and maturity and care bursting from her entire being, from her eyes and her smile and the way she holds his hand like she understands everything that he says and doesn’t say, like she accepts everything that’s happened and is happening.

“But, uh, my whole family bought the act,” he continues. “And it’s the second celebration on Saturday. ___ and I will, uh–”

“Oh, I know. Don’t think I haven’t thought about that. There’s going to be a bigger audience there, and I totally understand. I’ll look away if I need to, but I’ll be fine.”

He nods, feeling a bit of weight has gone off his back, but the rest of it is still there. 

There’s something different being here this time, after all that time with you where you both held hands and hugged and kissed out in the open, where you both got to enjoy amazing food and saw stunning views in paradise. A few times before he’d imagined doing that with Seri, but something else always blurred the vision, and he honestly doesn’t remember when the last time was that he thought about all those with her.

He realizes it when she kisses him goodbye, her soft lips that he used to look for no longer giving him that sensation, that pleasure, that excitement. He’d held onto those feelings of exhilaration and eagerness for years, and he realizes those are all it was for him - that high, that elation, that fleeting emotion that he could escape to. 

He wonders, on the way home, if this is really it, if the feeling for her had faded just because he’d come back from something totally amazing and felt the alternative, or if the feeling had waned some time ago, and he’d just been holding on to what was left, hoping it would be enough to revive what once was.

Checking his phone, he sighs at his reality. Yoongi had texted: Thanks for the lobster risotto. I’m just going to pretend that I don’t know that Seri’s allergic to seafood, but I will point out that I’m only able to eat this because you made the wrong order; this is ___’s favorite, after all.

You look at yourself in the full-body mirror of the bedroom in the suite you’ve checked into for the wedding and you still can’t believe you could look this good, and you have the gown mostly to thank for that.

“Hey, Jin,” you call out to your husband who’s dressing up in the living room. “I’ve got my hair and make-up done and I look pretty amazing.”

“Oh yeah? That’s new,” he teasingly chuckles.

“Just letting you know in case I catch the eye of one of the celebrities there.”

“Ah, well you might catch their eye, but talking to them is altogether different,” he reminds you. “But I’ll give you the push you need, if you want. I heard Hyun Bin will be there.”

“Yah! He’s married,” you yell.

“Yeah, so are you.”

“Son Yejin in exchange for me; you win,” you laugh, opening the door and feeling the air knocked out of you. Of course, your husband always has to look more beautiful than you. 

He’s wearing a textured charcoal suit with his hair pushed back, exposing his entire forehead. You’d think you’d be immune to him since you see him on a daily basis in fancy suits for work, parted hair and all. But he looks even more sophisticated and classy this time, and you didn’t think that was possible.

“Son Yejin gets me, so yeah, she wins, too,” he winks, knowing just how much he’d affected you. 

“I concede, then,” you smile, letting yourself marvel at his beauty. Maybe when the socializing gets too much, you can just look at him and all will be okay.

“So, shall we, Mrs. Kim,” he takes out his hand.

“We shall, Mr. Kim. Let’s get this over with.”

You and Jin pass by the holding room, where Taehyung and Hyun-a are taking photos, before heading to the venue.

“You’re already married. Why are you still crying?” Seokjin nudges his brother. 

“Because I’m even more in love with her!” Taehyung states. “Plus, we’re declaring our love in front of hundreds of people. It’s pretty special being able to do that, you know?”

The words hit Seokjin more than he expected, and if he knows any better, his brother is probably telling him something.

“What a romantic,” you remark, smiling at the lovely couple who look just as gorgeous as they were when they got married in the chateau a few weeks ago.

“Not like him, I know,” Taehyung motions towards his brother. “Sorry about that.”

“Not like I mind,” you shrug. 

Their parents and grandparents arrive for family portraits and it takes a while for all the photos to be taken. You and Jin make sure there are those without you, too. When everyone is satisfied, you and your husband are the first to exit the room and head to the ballroom for the ceremony.

There are so many people, as the guest list is in the hundreds and it’s open to the public as well. Jin’s hand searches yours, and you get a firm grip so as not to lose him in the sea of people. 

You hear your name being called and you turn to see your best friends there. Jimin is dashing in a black suit; Jungkook is wearing a navy blue one and is already turning heads; and Dara, in her body-hugging blush gown, looks so beautiful. 

“You’re stunning,” Jungkook says as he hugs you. 

Jimin says the same, in awe at how well you carry yourself with so much confidence, and Dara declares she’s officially crushing on you.

“Wow, did I really need to get all dolled up for you to compliment me like this?” You tease them.

“Nah. You don’t like being complimented so we don’t say it but your husband is here and we don’t want him to think that we find you unattractive,” Dara explains. 

Jin chuckles next to you and you reintroduce him to your friends. 

“Hi, nice to see both of you again,” he shakes Jungkook’s and Dara’s hands and nods at Jimin. “I know we don’t see each other much but ___ talks about you a fair bit.”

“Yeah, not enough I’m sure since she’s probably embarrassed,” Jungkook states, earning him an eager nod from you. 

“Holy shit, you’re unreal,” Dara exclaims. “You look even hotter than the last time I saw you, which was during your wedding and you were already so hot then.” She turns to you, and you already know she’s gonna say something incredibly embarrassing, but at least she doesn’t yell it. “___, why the fuck aren’t you in love with this guy?”

“Oh, Dara. Never change,” Jimin chuckles. “Apologies for our friend, Mr. Kim. She’s, uh, she’s a very honest person.”

“It’s fine,” Jin smiles, glancing at you. “It’s quite refreshing, actually.”

“Do you have hot friends you can introduce me to?” She continues. 

“I can introduce you to my secretary, Yoongi. He’s cool and he takes care of me well. I think we’re each other’s only friends,” Jin chuckles, gesturing towards one of the tables where the man sits on his own.

“Ooh, uninterested sexy man with a soft heart, I can tell, totally my type,” Dara swoons.

“Please, don’t traumatize him. Jimin can help you find others to pounce on but both of you behave,” you warn. “And Kook, please don’t be awkward when someone tries to flirt with you, okay? Jin and I have to go around and greet guests and I’ll get back to you all after.”

“Yes, maam,” they all salute and laugh at you while you roll your eyes. 

“Go do your wifey duties and don’t forget to act like a couple,” Jungkook winks.

You pull Jin away and apologize for your friends. “They like messing with me and there’s no filter even when you’re around.”

“Ah, I’d rather they don’t. I like messing with you, too,” he teases.

“No, you’re supposed to protect me,” you pout, and Jin has to stop himself from pulling you in a hug because of how adorable you look.

“Fine, you brat,” he pinches your nose, and you realize that it’s been a while since he last did that. 

You’re about to squish his cheeks when a group of people greet both of you, and you and Jin turn to them and bow. Your smiles briefly fade at the sight of a familiar face who greets you with her soft, wide eyes.

“Mr. and Mrs. Kim,” Seri bows after everyone does. “Please send our congratulations to the Vice President and his wife.”

She sounds so formal, so distant, and somehow your heart breaks for her, and you can only smile and nod, following her eyes which briefly look at your hand engulfed in Jin’s. You quickly pull away, something your husband notices. 

“Thank you, Ms. Wong, everyone,” Jin bows. “I’m sure they’re happy that his entire team is here. Taehyung did mention treating you guys out after all the wedding celebrations are over. He owes you a lot for all the weeks he missed at work.”

They all chuckle and agree, and even you can tell that Taehyung is loved by his team - Jin’s former team - as well. They bid their goodbye and Seri bows to you and Jin once more, sharing a lingering look with your husband. 

You can’t imagine how it must be like for them, and for her especially, seeing the man she loves be open and affectionate with another woman, something he couldn’t do with her. You turn to Jin who looks visibly upset, so you nudge his arm to look at you.

“I’m so sorry, Jin,” you try to comfort him, though you don’t really know what to say.

“It’s okay. She and I have talked about it,” he feigns a smile. 

It’s harder than you think, not so much because you think it hurts him not being the way he is with you with Seri, but because being the way he is with you is what’s starting to feel right, it’s what’s starting to make him happy. 

The rest of the afternoon was as tiring as you expected. It literally took 2 hours for the guests to be completed and to get settled and that meant you and Jin had to spend that time greeting them on behalf of his parents and grandparents. It’s one of the “President roles,” you were told. 

But you clung onto Jin the whole time - commending him whenever someone praises him for how well he’s been handling the company and smiling at him whenever someone congratulates both of you for your marriage. 

It got a little awkward when the CEO of Song Corporation said how good you both looked together. You were at least appeased when she said that she’s heard you speak in a conference and was impressed with you, and such competence is “a good match to the Kim Foods Inc. President,” that is, until you saw Seri standing nearby, and you could tell she heard everything. There was that faraway look in her eyes, and she turned to you specifically with a smile before she walked away. 

You hate feeling like you’re taking someone’s man, and sometimes you wished she was a cruel, jealous person so at least it didn’t feel this bad. But she’s nothing like that and somehow it makes it worse. You tried your best to brush off the thought and focus on your role for today. 

The ceremony was beautiful. It was still emotional, as Taehyung really took his time in saying his vows, sharing bits about their honeymoon and how those 2 weeks just solidified how much he loves her. Hyun-a was a lot more candid, sharing how much of a whiny baby her husband could be, but that he’d made her feel so loved during that trip and she can’t wait for how the rest of their lives are going to be. 

You were, again, starstruck by all the celebrities you saw. They were all dazzling and gorgeous, as you expected, and Jin had been the encouraging husband who said “you look more amazing” every time you commented how stunning they looked. He made sure to look into your eyes whenever he said them so you’d know he meant it, but somehow, that made you feel nervous more than anything, especially as you could tell that he wasn’t saying them just because. 

But despite the exhaustion of walking around and greeting and bowing and conversing with hundreds of people, which carried over to the reception, it was a fun one, as you and Jin found ways to entertain yourselves in between, laughing and teasing and making jokes. 

You were seated on the table with Sejeong and Hyo-seop, and from a few tables away, your best friends were seated together with Yoongi who seemed quite happy being with other people who weren't your husband. 

“Make that Dara-Yoongi thing happen,” Jin had said, and you commented that your friend might scare him away.

“Well, let’s give them time to get to know each other, then, in a calmer and casual environment,” he suggested, and that’s why you’re currently here - at your suite’s living room, having drinks with your best friends with light music in the background. 

There was a bit of music and dance at the reception after dinner and the program, and the hotel bar was rented out for the after-party. You all stayed there for half an hour before you and Jin decided that it’s really not your scene, and you proposed staying at one of the lounges instead. 

But Dara complained that her feet were aching and honestly, so were yours, so Jin said it was okay to stay at your suite since it’s big enough to hold all of you anyway. Yoongi seemed to have warmed up to your friends so he joined you, and now you’re all enjoying the fancy champagne, charcuterie board, and platter of desserts that your husband ordered.

Dara’s shoes are off and so are yours, and your gown is loose enough for you to still wear it, despite all the food you’d consumed tonight. The men have removed their coats and are seated comfortably on the couch. Jin is next to you, polo sleeves now rolled up to his elbows and tie loosened, looking comfortable and at ease.

You’re all talking about how you and Jungkook met when you were kids because your parents were friends, and how you’d taken care of a drunk Dara in freshman year of college and how you became inseparable after, and how Jimin tried to set you up with one of your co-workers during your first year at the company but you and he ended up getting close instead. 

Yoongi talks about being Jin’s secretary for years and turning down a higher position offer at another company because he liked working for the Kim family and well, both introverts seem to get along just fine. You’re laughing and sharing stories when Jin nudges your arm, alerting you that your phone is ringing.

You look at the table where it is and your photo with Namjoon fills up the screen, and your face lights up as you pick up the device, excusing yourself, and then heading to the balcony for the call.

“Who was it?” Jungkook asks.

“Namjoon,” Jin says dryly.

“How does that make you feel?” The younger man follows up.

“That they talk? Uh, nothing, really,” Jin shrugs. “I mean, they’re obviously something more than best friends and that’s good for ___, having someone who cares for her the way Namjoon does.”

“Yeah, well caring and not fulfilling a promise are two different things. It’s not enough to just say things and then not act on them,” Jungkook states bitterly.

“Do you… not like Namjoon? I heard you and him were the ones there for her during those tough years in college, and yeah, Dara, too,” Jin asks.

“I like him as a friend, sure. I owed him big time during ___’s toughest years because I couldn’t be there for her as often as I wanted but after everything and after all this time, he’s still a distant being who’ll continue to be far away, and it’s just calls and letters that make her feel close to him,” Jungkook says. “Is that a way to love someone?”

“But she still does, doesn’t she?” Jin asks nervously, unsure if he’s ready to hear the answer or not.

“Well, she hasn’t said it in a while. She hasn’t really talked about it much since you two got married,” Jimin answers this time. “And I was honestly surprised that she didn’t make seeing him in France as big a deal as I expected. But I guess it’s just how it is when so much time has passed and both people just get used to the monotony of the relationship, you know? Especially when it’s the same distance, the same act of hoping, of wishing things would change. Maybe the love just fades away and withers without them realizing that they have.”

“Yeah, I get that,” Jin mindlessly says, causing the 4 other people to look at him curiously, the tinge of surprise painting their faces because how could he get it unless it’s something he’s felt - or feels - too?

“You do, huh?” Yoongi arches his brow. 

“I mean, it’s a universal feeling, right?” Jin shrugs, trying to get out of it.

Your friends decide to let it go, opting to talk about something else but Yoongi doesn’t want to let it go just yet.

“Does it maybe have anything to do with your girl of 5 years whom you’ve been distancing yourself from since you got back from France?” He whispers next to his boss. “Perhaps the feelings have faded and you’re now realizing that they have.”

Jin looks at his colleague, his friend who’s had his back for years and who perhaps knows him more than anyone. It’s a realization he doesn’t want to acknowledge or fully admit, primarily because he doesn’t want to face all the consequences of such thought and feeling. His sullen, guilty eyes say enough, and Yoongi just knows.

You get back inside before either man could say anything, and you smile at all of them and ask what you’ve missed. No one dares bring up the call, knowing you’d talk about it when you’re ready. 

The conversation gets back to sharing embarrassing moments from your college days, Jin’s university life in SNU and post-grad in London, and all the office gossip from the past as filled in by Jimin. 

It’s all laughter and new discoveries, and you like seeing this side of your husband - carefree, intrigued, and a little unfiltered. With all the stress he’s under, you enjoy seeing him be a little bit ordinary in a sense, enjoying drinks with people his age, talking about things that aren’t work or business related. 

With the food and drinks wiped out and your friends having sobered up after getting drunk, you all say your goodbyes. It’s past 2AM and you’re exhausted, and Jin lets you get ready for bed while he cleans up in the living room.

You’re dozing off by the time he gets to your shared bed, but you wake up a little when he scoots closer and pulls the covers over your body. 

“Hey,” you say sleepily. “Thanks for cleaning up.”

“Don’t worry about it. I know it took a lot from you to socialize tonight. Thank you for being next to me,” he smiles, affectionately pinching your nose.

“Of course, Jin. Where else would I be?”

His heart jumps at the sight of your tender smile, and he wants nothing more than to see that every day. 

“Nowhere else,” he whispers, but you hear it and choose not to respond.

“The celebrations are over. We did it,” you say, pulling out his heart now and reminding him what all this is - fleeting, temporary, unreal. “Thanks for not making it hard for me. I appreciate it.”

Your eyes flutter close and he’s glad that you don’t hear the thundering of his heart. 

“I don’t ever want it to be hard for you, even if it means it’s hard for me.” He whispers, caressing your cheek as his form of goodnight. “Sleep well, ___. I’ll see you in the morning.”

You get a good night’s sleep and wake up the next day with hangover soup that Jin prepared for you, and then spend the rest of the day in the bedroom resting again. 

The days after that feel like a blur. You go back to your normal routine with Jin - going to the office together, waiting for each other if you’re able and then going home to dinner that Mrs. Kang had made. You still cook him breakfast that weekend while he cooks your dinner, and you spend those 2 days together doing the grocery, going to Taehyung and Hyun-a’s new apartment for a welcome dinner, and then watching a cooking documentary about Italy on Netflix. 

On Monday morning, Jin leaves for a business trip to Qatar. The next 2 days feel a little lonely but he messages you photos of his meals and to talk about how the conference is going and how Doha is like, saying that it’s a place you should definitely visit. 

You’re excited that he seems excited, but what’s striking is how this time, he’s expressive in how he can’t wait to get home, mostly to cook you this new recipe he discovered, and partly because he says that Yoongi hasn’t been the best companion. His secretary is always on his phone with Dara during post-work hours, leaving a lonely Jin to drink in the hotel bar by himself. 

You choose to dwell on the fact that your best friend and Yoongi - quite an unlikely pair, if you’re being honest - are hitting it off. 

But you focus on your own thing while your husband is away. There are a few reports you have to review and a trip to one of the farms to make. 

It’s Thursday by the time you feel it. 

You’d gone to the farm and then the production site last Tuesday and ate a few things there and on the way, so it was probably something spoiled or contaminated that’s causing your stomach pain and severe headache. 

You somewhat managed on Wednesday, going to the washroom a few times and feeling a little dehydrated. But by the next day, it had gotten too much. You decided to work at home instead and got a bit of work done, but you were too tired and dozed off instead. 

The next morning, you wake up to several messages from your husband asking if you’re okay. You say you’re feeling under the weather after you call him, not wanting him to worry since he’s got a few important meetings lined up, but you spend the rest of it walking from the bathroom to the bed, feeling like you’re not improving despite the ginger tea you’ve been drinking and the hot pads all over your body. 

It’s that same Friday in the early afternoon when Jin arrives, exhausted from the trip and the flight where he still had to work while on the way back. It’s the longest he’s been away from you since France, and that sinking feeling of what he’s feeling lays heavy on him. 

There’s much to analyze and assess, as he’d told Yoongi during the night he finally got his friend to join him for drinks and the younger man had stated the obvious that of course he noticed that something has changed. But Jin didn’t want to dive into it yet, afraid of making a premature assumption or decision about what he needs to do. 

It’s possible that those 2 weeks in France and the affection he felt towards you were meant to be fleeting, perhaps brought about by the romantic nature of the trip. It could be that you were close and Seri was far away, and maybe he was just missing affection and you were there, willing to give it to him, too. Maybe he’s just a stupid guy who doesn’t know shit and can’t understand what he’s feeling or can’t own up to it, but either one is just as bad.

But when he exits the plane, waits for almost an hour for Mr. Lim, and then gets informed on why the chauffeur was late, all those things don’t seem to matter as much, because all he can think of is you.

“I had to rush Mrs. Kim to the hospital,” Mr. Lim had said. “She hasn’t been feeling well for days and Mrs. Kang thought it would be best if she went to get checked already.”

“Take me there now,” Jin had told the driver. “And cancel the rest of my day,” he’d instructed Yoongi. 

Jin arrives at the hospital, demanding you to be moved to the VIP room despite the nurse telling him that you insisted on staying at a private room because you’re just there for monitoring. 

“I don’t care, she’s still sick. Move her there, now,” Jin demands. 

You’re a little groggy when you feel the bed moving and hear chatter nearby. You also feel like you’re dreaming when you hear Jin’s low-tone voice asking the doctor some things. When you feel like you’ve stopped moving, you decide to open your eyes.

“Hey, who are you fighting?” You ask sleepily.

“The nurse who kept you in a private room,” he groans. 

“Fight me instead,” you mumble. “I said I didn’t want a VIP room. Too big for me; you weren’t there anyway.”

“I’m here now. I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner,” he says.

“That’s stupid,” you manage to chuckle. “You had a work trip. But you’re here now though.”

“Yeah, and I’ll stay here, okay? Let’s talk when you don’t sound like an inebriated old man.”

“Ugh, you annoy me sometimes, Kim Seokjin,” you giggle. “Now stop being angry and wait for me to wake up again.”

You wake up 2 hours later, feeling not much better than you did some time ago, but there’s still an improvement somehow. You turn to your side and find Jin with one hand clasping yours and another, typing away on his tablet. 

“Looks like you need your other hand,” you say, letting him go, but he doesn’t let you.

“How are you feeling?” He asks worriedly, sitting on the edge of the bed. 

“Still terrible. Did they say where I got it?” 

“Hopefully something you ate on the way there because the farm and production site is going to hear it from me if they served you contaminated food,” he frowns. “Though I had those places checked already and so far, everyone is okay.”

“Relax, I’m still alive,” you chuckle.

“Bacterial infection can get severe, okay?” He frowns again. “And you should’ve gone to the hospital the first day you started feeling unwell.”

“I had so much work to do. Plus, I thought the hot packs and tea were enough,” you shrug. “Do you know what they’re doing to cure me?”

“Antibiotics and some other medicines.”

“Great, so I can leave tonight?”

“No. I asked for another test to make sure this is all we have to worry about,” he responds. “And I’m not comfortable having you stay at home when I can’t be there to look after you.”

“I’m not a baby,” you pout. “And hospital food isn’t all that great. I want Mrs. Kang’s cooking, or yours. Take me home, please?”

“Just spend another day here, okay? Just to be sure. And then I’ll take you home.”

“Fine,” you smile. It’s a soft one, and this makes Jin feel a little more at ease. “Will you stay the night, then?”

“Of course, ___. I’m not going anywhere.”

Jin spends that Friday night with you. He instructs Mrs. Kang to send over both of your clothes and dinner as well. Your best friends visit and tell your husband that you can get a little stubborn when you’re sick so it’s best to follow what you want instead of you doing things on your own. There was one time you left the hospital and freaked everyone out just because you hated the food and you wanted to eat something delicious. 

You take the test that Jin asked for the next day, and you spend the rest of it in the hospital to appease him. You’ve experienced way worse than this and never had to go to the hospital; even your parents agree, as you video call them and your mom says that if she lived nearby, she could just send you some soup and tea because those always worked. 

“Aish, what would the doctors do but prescribe you things that cost thousands when my love doesn’t cost anything,” your mom says. “They’re just making money off of you, sweetie.”

You see Jin purse his lips and keep himself from saying anything.

He doesn’t get your attitude when it comes to health issues like this and you point out that some things can be resolved by home remedies. Your parents’ care has always been enough to cure you, but living the life that Jin does, you suppose every little thing needs to be taken care of immediately, and money gets you anything. So you follow, if only not to get him even more stressed out, as you see him take multiple work and non work-related calls.

It’s Sunday when you’re finally discharged and being off a hospital gown feels like a breath of fresh air. Jin carries your bags and takes note of all the medicines you have to take and the things you aren’t supposed to do.

“No work for the next few days,” he orders, as he pulls down the covers and gestures for you to lie down, but you remain standing with furrowed eyebrows and a pout on your face.

“What, you can’t make me do that! You’re not the boss of me,” you cross your arms.

“Uh, ___, I kinda am.”

“Rude,” you frown even harder.

“___, these are doctor’s orders,” he says, walking over to where you are. “If you wanna get back to work as soon as possible, then you follow them, and that means taking your medications and resting, and I mean resting.”

“Fine, I’ll follow. No need to talk to me like a kid.”

“I’m sorry, but I just wanted to get ahead of you before you argue with me again.”

“Excuse me, I don’t argue with you!” You gasp, earning you a chuckle.

“Come on, go rest first. I’ll see what I can make you for lunch,” he says, pinching your nose. “And I’m telling you as your boss and your husband - I need you well, okay? So get better soon.”

You survive your first day back at home without any more bickering with Jin. He makes you noodles for lunch and then stew for dinner. Your appetite still isn’t back to normal, and that’s become his indicator for your recovery. He said he wouldn’t believe you’re fully well until you’re able to finish a 3-course meal, and you know he’s got you backed in a corner; you can barely finish a 1/3 cup of rice.

That first night, Jin could barely sleep as he constantly worried about you. He’s not used to it, thinking about someone other than himself. Sure, he’d worried about Seri, but not the same way he’s worrying about you, and that’s just added to his stress about all the things he’s feeling.

He even snuck in your room at 2AM just to make sure you were okay, and there you were, sleeping soundly with your loud snores. He hates to admit that he’s missed that terribly more than anything. 

It’s Monday morning and you’d just woken up from the incessant ringing of your phone. You’re about to pick it up when it stops, and you turn to the side to see Jin holding your phone.

“Yes, this is Mr. Kim. I’ve informed ___’s team that she’ll be off for a few days due to health concerns. I believe this can wait, yes?”

He turns to you and is greeted with your wide eyes. Surely, you’ve never heard of him taking work calls that aren’t his. 

“I understand, I’ll let her know but expect a response next week. Thank you.”

He hangs up and greets you good morning. 

“Uh, who was that?” You ask.

“Someone from Marketing, but it’s okay, I’ve handled it.”

“Sure,” you arch a brow. “And what are you doing here? You should be at work.”

“I am. Or, I will be. I’ll just get a desk in here unless it’s okay if I use yours?”

“Uh, why?”

“Uh… right, why would I be working in my wife’s bedroom. I’ll just go back to my room and work the—”

“Did you want to work here so you can look after me and make sure I don’t work?”

“Not really. I just, uh… I barely slept last night because I kept thinking you were still having your stomach ache and stuff, and I just… you know what, never mind. I’ll just—”

“Stay, please,” you say, knowing that the soft, closeted sweetheart side of him can’t bear knowing you’re still in pain, and you want to show him there’s nothing he should worry about. It’s just an infection, after all, and you already know that the medication’s working.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. Just take calls elsewhere, but you can use my desk over there. I’ll put the TV on mute, don’t worry. I’m not in the mood to process anything, anyway,” you assure him.

“Okay then,” he smiles, feeling satisfied.

And that’s how your day is spent - watching a hotel reality TV show on mute, reading a book, and eating whatever Mrs. Kang has prepared. Jin works mostly on reports and other things and takes calls outside. He constantly checks in on you and eats his meals next to you while you both talk about random things.

Later that night, he tucks you in bed. You have medicine that makes you drowsy but you don’t really want to sleep yet. There’s a show you want to watch later on so you ask Jin to stay next to you.

“Wake me up when I doze off,” you say groggily. 

“Why would I do that? I want you to sleep already,” he says, though he slides in next to you under the covers. 

“So you can rest a bit, too,” you say, leaning on his shoulder that’s leveled with your head. “You kept working today while making sure I was fine. Watch with me.”

There’s a hockey game on and you’ve put it on mute. You know he likes watching sports this way. 

You’re softly snoring not long after, and Jin shifts further down so you’re both lying more comfortably. He wants to stay here with you, with his arm wrapped around you in an effort to protect you from anything and everything. But he doesn’t want to scare you, seeing as how close you both are right now; he could basically hear the beating of your heart and he’s afraid you’d wake up and hear the beating of his - fast, erratic, and screaming for you.

So he sneaks out after and softly kisses the top of your head before he leaves, an affectionate act he’s surprised himself he did. There’s so much he wants to say but he doesn’t know how to, and the more he spends time with you like this, the clearer things get. And he’s never been more scared.

The next few days are painfully slow. You’re better by Wednesday but the doctor advised you to work from home for the rest of the week since the medicines would still make you feel weak and sleepy. Jin finally goes to work to attend meetings but he always comes home early and eats dinner with you downstairs. 

It’s finally the end of the week and you convinced Jin to go out to see the Han River with you. You’ve been stuck at home, in your room for a whole week and you just want to breathe the air outside and look at the sky and watch strangers walking about. He agrees and picks you up at home after an evening meeting.

He takes you to one of your favorite Southeast Asian restaurants and he talks about work while you talk about the series that you binge-watched today. You go to one of the parks you liked to frequent when you still had the time, something that Jin isn’t that much familiar with.

“I’m into the outdoors in so much as fishing or golfing goes,” he shrugs, earning him a chuckle. “But going to the park or a river and just people watch like this? Not really my thing.”

“So do you go fishing or golfing when you want to think?”

“I fly somewhere and just walk around and find places to eat by myself,” he smiles. “Rich people things, I know,” he chuckles, “but eating alone helps me be in tune with myself, you know? Like, I don’t have to converse with anyone. If I do, it’s with a stranger who gives me something new to think about. But other than that, it’s just a foreign city and its food and me. That’s what I do to think.”

“Hmm, I like that,” you grin. “For some people, food is just sustenance. To some, it’s a form of love and service. And then there’s people like you, where food helps you discover yourself. It’s pretty amazing what food can mean to people.”

He drowns in your eyes and your smile and waits for a bit before he asks. “Is this what you do when you want to think?”

You nod.

“So what are you thinking about?”

You’re now both seated at a bench in a more elevated and secluded area. You can see the river against the buildings and the night sky, which is shining a little brighter than usual. You think it waited for you to be like this.

“Do you know much about astronomy?” You answer him with a question.

“Not really,” he responds, adjusting his position so he could see a bit more of the view. “Just the basics, you know, the ones we learn at school? I mean, the sky’s pretty, especially at night but it’s so permanent that I just don’t mind it much. I heard that the stars we see are dead, though. That one’s pretty mind-boggling.”

“Interesting,” you hum. “I think it’s that permanence that makes it intriguing to me because for all that it is and the fact that it’s always been there, the human mind just can’t seem to fully grasp it. Like the stars that we see - which aren’t actually dead because it takes about a billion years for them to die - are light years away. And we’re looking at what they were before.”

“Huh, I thought they were dead,” Jin frowns.

“It seems quite poetic and dramatic to believe that they’re all dead, isn’t it?” You chuckle. “But they’re very much alive, though they’ll still die. But the idea remains - they could be dead and people would still be looking at them when they were still alive, because it’s technically the past we’re looking at, like the star during its glory days.”

Is this what you think about every time you’re looking at the sky? He wonders.

“Hmm, isn’t that a nice thought though?” He says. “Something could be gone but we still get to see and appreciate the beauty of it as if it’s still alive.”

“You’re an optimist, Jin. And I like that about you,” you smile at him. “And while I do agree to an extent, I still think it’s more sad than anything. We get to see and appreciate it for what it was, thinking that it’s still how it is. And they may all still be alive but the generations after us who’ll see them will only get to see what’s left of the stars, and not the stars themselves. They’ll think that there’s something still there when there really isn’t anymore.”

The thought lingers in the air. It’s been floating in your mind for weeks, or maybe months and you just hadn’t realized it. There’s something hopeful about an entity that used to exist but now only does so in your mind or your memory - it was real at least, and that’s enough for anyone to appreciate its beauty. 

But you can’t help but feel like the butt of life’s joke sometimes - that the beauty only exists in your mind when in reality, it’s long gone. You wonder if you’d just chosen to believe it still exists for your sake, or for the other person.

“You know what makes it all better?” Jin takes you away from your thoughts.

“What?”

“Accepting that fact, that what we’re seeing is how it was before but appreciating it either way. Then maybe finding something else that’s beautiful but closer. Like the moon. Sure, it doesn’t twinkle or shoot up or fall or whatever but just think - how many stars does it take to light up the sky? But all you need is one moon.”

A smile creeps up your face. How many years have you been loving the same man and hoping for him to come back for you? Those years have gone - maybe the love, too? You don’t want to think about it that way, though - and they’ll continue to shine brightly but all you’re remembering are what used to be. What - or who - is your moon now?

Beautiful but closer. Perhaps they’re much closer than you think.

“Hmm, didn’t know you’re a poet, Kim Seokjin,” you giggle.

“I’m not, actually. It’s just a thought that crossed my mind. I get why you like to come here and watch the sky to think. The vibe helps.”

He turns to you, your eyes still lost in the stars that are perhaps millions of years in existence and have millions more in them. You seem so far away, like there’s more you’re thinking about, like there’s more to say.

“Is this all you’re thinking about? Seeing the stars in their glory days?” He wonders.

“Joon called me the other night, after the wedding,” you say after a beat of silence. 

I know, Jin thinks, but he lets you continue.

“He’s in Senegal right now, then he’ll go to Ghana in a few days, and then Uganda later in the month. He’ll be staying in Africa for a while to write about the contemporary art scene,” you share. “It’s an amazing opportunity and he’s so excited. And I’m really happy for him.”

“So that’s what the call was about? It was a pretty long one,” Jin says, cursing himself for sounding bitter, and he’s thankful that you don’t seem bothered.

“Mostly, yeah,” you smile, recalling how excited Namjoon sounded when he got the call from an art foundation about the opportunity. “The world is huge; he’ll never run out of things to do. And knowing he gets to do so many things he’s always wanted and explore what else is out there - it makes me really happy for him, like, I’m ecstatic. I just think, this is what it means to truly care for someone, it’s what it means to love.”

The lump in Jin’s throat gets bigger at the word, at the thought - of your love and care for someone who isn’t him, but he powers through, knowing you need a friend more than anything. Perhaps it’s why you asked him here in the first place.

“Where does that leave you, then?” He hates asking this, because he doesn’t want to seem like he’s forcing himself in your life that you’d imagined spending with someone else. 

“Somewhere,” you chuckle. “Still in his life, that’s for sure. I always will be, he assured me that. That’s another thing he said during the call, that he regrets not being able to say more when we met up in France, that he wished he was able to spend the rest of the day with me. Missing me so much after reminded him that he’ll always want me to be part of his life; in what way, that’s something he didn’t clarify.”

“I’m sorry,” Jin mumbles. “I’m sure you were expecting more.”

“I’m not really sure. I guess I expected this again but I’m not as heartbroken as I thought I’d be,” you turn to him and take his hand, something you find yourself doing a lot, especially when you’re looking at the starry night sky. “Namjoon and I are up in the air. There are things we need to talk about when we’re together but I think we just missed each other too much in France that’s why we didn’t. But we agreed that if we see each other again, we will talk about it, about us, what we feel and what we’ll do - maybe close the book of our story that never really took off, or continue writing it, whether as friends or something more. I don’t know.”

“So, uh, you’ll see him again soon?”

“I will. I’ll have to.” 

He squeezes your hand to let you know that whatever it is you decide to do, he’ll be there for you. And he means it wholeheartedly, regardless of what he’s feeling.

“I’m glad you’re feeling good enough to be out tonight. It was a miserable week for you, I could tell by the multiple text and voice messages I was getting everyday,” Jin chuckles.

“Yeah, well, there’s this man who’s babying me and wouldn’t let me work until I was better,” you nudge his arm. “But in hindsight, I’m glad he did. I feel so much better. And uh, it’s nice to be with you tonight, Jin, finally eating normally again and being out here to watch the sky. You’re really the best husband any woman could ask for,” you laugh, the irony hitting you and him in different ways you’re both unaware of.

Jin is unable to sleep again that night. All he could think about was the faraway look in your eyes and if he didn’t sound too hopeful, he’d say there was sadness in there, too. 

He doesn’t want to take advantage of whatever it is you’re going through but he also knew at that moment when you were talking about Namjoon, all Jin could think about was how he wanted that place in your life - the one you’ll care for, the one you’ll love. 

The fact that he’s been nothing but worried all week, wanting nothing more than to have you be well so you could eat all the delicious dishes you’re used to and watch food shows until the late nights with him; the fact that every night he’d been wishing to lay next to you and hold you in his arms and hug and kiss the pain away, tell him enough about how he feels. 

The next day, you say that your brother is home for a quick trip and you’ll be going home to your parents’ for the weekend, and Jin takes the opportunity to go out, too. He invites Yoongi and Taehyung to a resort outside of the city to play golf, and calling both men on a weekend like this isn’t something that normally happens.

“So, uh, what are we here for?” Taehyung asks. “I did some golfing in Argentina, you know? I’m pretty great at it already so get ready to lose.”

“Your brother’s not here to compete,” Yoongi says as Jin walks back to their seat. “He’s here because he’s finally got the stick out of his ass and decided to actually make a decision. Right, Jin?”

Jin has always appreciated that his secretary is perceptive; it’s always helped the older man make good decisions at work. But as a friend, sometimes he hates it. Yoongi has known all this time and has been saying the right things but Jin tends to be stubborn, especially when he knows this is all on him. 

“Okay, I feel like I should know but maybe I don’t,” Taehyung arches a brow. “Does this maybe have something to do with a woman whom you’ve kept around for years just because it was easy and also another woman who came out of nowhere but is making you realize that love can sometimes be hard and that’s how you know?”

It’s an oversimplification of the situation, Jin thinks. He’d kept Seri around for many reasons. Sure, it was easy and convenient. He never had to make excuses for whatever he’s lacking because she knew his duties and responsibilities. Despite it being a secret, he didn’t have to put in that much effort, he didn’t have to put in that much thought, there weren’t any expectations. It was easy and convenient and it worked. He thought that’s all it was, that what he and Seri had was all it could be.

And then there’s you, the woman he’s married to who’s suddenly making him see all the possibilities of what love could be; you with your infectious smile and silly laughter and your passion for food and your job and how comfortable everything is when he’s with you. You’re what makes him better, happy, free. 

“It is,” Jin sighs. He feels like he doesn’t have to say much - as his brother and closest companion, he feels like Taehyung and Yoongi just know. “I’m falling in love with my wife and I don’t know what to do.”

“You do,” Yoongi says. “It’s just hard and we get it. But you see what happens when it’s easy? You get blinded by it that you think it’s what you care about, that it’s what you want when it isn’t. You’ve known it for a while, Jin. It stopped being Seri for a long time, if it even was her. You know what to do; she deserves more than this.”

“She’s deserved more than you all this time, hyung,” Taehyung says. 

“I know,” Jin replies. “I’ve been incredibly unfair to her.”

“Just be honest with her, hyung. I’m sure she’ll at least appreciate that.”

It’s almost poetic, the way the rain just pours when Jin enters the neighborhood. He used to come here a lot at random hours of the night - after a long day at work, after a particularly stressful meeting, after a business trip that barely gave him time to unwind. It’s 9PM, probably one of the earliest hours he’d ever come, that’s why when she opens the door, Seri’s wide eyes get even wider.

“Jin, I didn’t expect you,” she smiles, letting him in as the rain is getting even harsher. 

“Yeah, I, uh… We need to talk… about us,” Jin manages to say. “I haven’t been fair to you, Seri. I’m so sorry, but we can’t do this anymore.”

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[sergeant-donny-donowitz]

Across the Hudson (Smithson Utivich x Fem!Reader)

Postwar AU: The war just ended. And Private Smithson Utivich has a hard time saying goodbye, especially to you... And the basterds have a hard time holding up the brass's deal with Hans Landa.

@inglourious-imagines @owba-chan @war-obsessed

Let me know if you wanna be tagged on these! 

Happy New Year!!! <3

It was the basterds' final night in Paris. After that, they'd be transported to a base in England, debriefed, and sent home.

They had another day or two ahead of them, but this was the last time you could all drink and celebrate together.

It was goodbye.

After a long war, a long mission, and a long friendship, you were more than an elite squadron of basterds. You were family. Getting drunk and living one last time together was the only way you knew to say goodbye.

The only problem was, you weren't alone.

One Colonel Hans Landa of the SS managed to finesse his way out of war crime charges.

Not only that, he intended on making your lives impossible as long as he could.

All he had to do, was sit with you basterds, and he knew it.

The Basterd's stopped laughing. The table became uneasy and silent...

You looked at the boys, who were all grimacing, scowling, and frowning, while puffing up a storm of smoke in silence, only interrupting the still tension with an occasional grunt. Donny's knuckles were white as he gripped his glass beer stein. Hugo clenched his jaw and stared square at Landa. Of course, it made Landa uneasy, but after the war, killing Landa would be considered first degree murder. And given that he conjured a false place as a 'war hero,' it would probably be considered a war crime. Still...not many things detered Hugo, after all, to him, a nazi was a nazi. Wicki tapped his leg, resisting to urge to even look at his enemy. The moment he laid eyes on Landa, there was no telling what he'd do. Aldo tried to inhale as much tobacco as possible to be able to keep the peace. Being the boys' lieutenant, he was responsible for everyone at the table. Omar and Hirschberg glanced at each other, knowing what everyone else was thinking. Then there was Smitty... Smitty was looking at you through star-struck, misty eyes of wonder. He loved you from the moment his eyes first fell upon yours, just as you were lined up before Lieutenant Aldo Raine, years ago. He had the heart and courage of a lion, never once thinking twice, running in and out of firefights. He was a war hero. He always had been. But despite all of that, he never was able to conjure up the courage to tell you his truth. His one and only unspoken truth: He loved you. 

Through the years you survived behind enemy lines, covered in gunpowder, bruises, and blood, there were countless times he promised you the war would end, and that everything would be alright.

He was right. The war was over.

But he looked into your eyes in that tavern, and he realized it wasn't alright.

You spent so many years together. Day in and day out, your eyes wishfully wandering towards his, silently hoping one of you would be brave enough to love the other out loud... Waiting for a chance in the world without a war. But when that world finally emerged, you weren't looking back at Smitty. No. You were glaring at the nazi that got away with it. Your eyes full of scorn and hellfire. One more moment, and you would have become an assassin. So.. you stood up, and muttered something about getting a drink.

You came back, glaring at the back of Landa's head, a bottle of champagne in your hand.... One hit.   One hit was all it would take. You could just hear Donny's voice, echoing back from the war, "I hit you, you hit the ground!"

You were so intent on that one last hit that you didn't even realize Aldo leave the booth and pull you away from the table,  "Whooaaa, easy there, private."

You tried to push against Aldo, but he was still your lieutenant. An order was a goddamn order. "Stand. Down."

He lowered his voice trying to keep it lowkey as he talked you through it,

You kept glaring at Landa, half ignoring Aldo's southern wisdom.

Aldo pulled you all the way to the bar, hoping to have your full attention. "Stand down, Y/N. That's an order."

You sighed, and shook your head. "This is so unfair...He...so many nazis...so many of those motherfuckers got away with so much..."

Aldo understood how you felt. Hell every single one of them did. But he couldn't let you throw it all away... Aldo had his orders too: Landa was not to be harmed any more...

"War's over, kid... you needa understand that." Aldo rested his hand on your back, like he had all throughout the war when he was worried you'd go too far too soon. Usually it was enough.

You glanced at the table then back at your lieutenant. "But Aldo-"

Donny had also left the table. He didn't know what was happening but he saw Aldo pulling you away, and heard enough to form his own opinion. "The kid wants to get rid of one last nazi, let her."

Aldo sighed, "Donny."

"What? I don't want that fucken piece of shit over there livin on Nan-fucking-tucket Island! That's too close to home."

You nodded, "See, Donny agrees."

Aldo crossed his arms, "I'd love to get rid of him as much as you, trust me... but you both paid your debts to me. A long time ago. And...the war's over. This isn't killing a nazi anymore. They'd arrest you for murder. The brass wouldn't have it. No more talk about this....lets go back and have our drinks. Say our goodbyes..."

"But."

Aldo sighed as he looked at you. He was tired. Tired of war and injustice. He'd come to realize the world may never truly be free. And he wasn't willing to let you pay the price for a dying hope of revenge. "That's an order, soldier. You're all still under my command until....until..." he looked down...he wasn't so sure he was ready to day goodbye either.

Smitty had appeared between you and Donny, and mumbled, "Till we say goodbye, sir." He brought his drink down on the counter more harshly than usual, and asked the bartender for a double.

Aldo nodded, "Yeah...yeah..." he made it seem as if he was sniffing tobacco but it was really an attempt to hold back any signs of sadness. "Come on, boys. One last time." He patted Donny on the back and guided him back to the table.

Aldo looked back at you, "Y/n? We got a deal?"

"Yeah yeah, you got it, chief."

Donny glanced at you, then Smitty... he’d always been convinced there was something between you and Smitty, but he'd never been able to prove anything.

He smirked at Smitty who simply looked back at him in confusion.

You leaned against the counter and Smitty sat in the bar stool by you.

He downed his drink and looked at you, the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

Your hair was still tied back with the same bandana it had been tied with for the past few years. Your hair was a color he'd only ever seen under the red sky of nazi-occupied France, but would remember for the rest of his days. Your eyes as wondrous, deep, and mystifying as the farthest stars of the galaxy, as the deepest point of the sea, as the smallest peak in the horizon.

"You coming back to the table?" Your voice tended to be low, years of cover and fear tended to do that. But tonight, your voice was loud and true. A spark he'd only heard on rare nights off, when there were no enemies around, no blood stains on any basterds, and no need to rise with the sun. He'd only heard you so free four or five times in the years he'd known you.

He noticed you were smirking the same way you did we've you had a devilishly brilliant plot... mostly in strikes against the enemies.

He knew you had something up your sleeves. Then again, when didn't you? "Orders are orders, Y/n. Don't forget that."

You smiled at him, and rested your hand against his face, "I won't, don't worry Uti. Come on, let's get back."

He smiled at you and walked with you back to the table, where Aldo was begrudgingly passing on a message from the brass to Landa. "You gotta follow em orders exactly, to a t, ya understand? Be at the debriefing, report to the general, six AM sharp. You fuck any o'that up, anything at all. You so much as a minute late, or take a step anywheres you ain't 'sposed to be, and the deal is off." Aldo set his drink down and leaned his forearm against the table, lowered his voice and cautioned, "And cousin, it'll be open season on your sorry nazi ass."

You smirked..."A minute late, huh?"

Landa took a sip of his wine, grinning as if he had nothing to worry about, as if he truly were innocent of crimes against millions.  "I understand completely, Aldo." He set his wine glass down and stood up,  "I think I'll retire now. Us basterds are never late," he smirked knowing he had just caused everyone to shift and glare in revolt.

It was fairly early in the night though. You and your boys wouldn't let him ruin your last night together.

The rest of you stayed up till the bar closed, and walked up to your hotel rooms together.

Yours was across Smitty's... he lingered a glance at you as he opened his door.

You smiled softly, "Goodnight Uti...see you tomorrow."

He smiled back, though you could tell he was holding something back. His voice was soft, as he sighed sweetly, dreamily, though he wasn't tired, he could dance the night away with you, if given the chance. All he could say though was, "Goodnight, Y/n."

The next morning, Smitty was pacing around. You were all on the boat heading to England for one  meeting, then fly out to DC for the medals of honor, and a debriefing and then one last goodbye.

You had a long flowing green dress on. Your hair was down, and you were free.

Smitty managed to stutter, "You look cute...I-I mean... You always did...do! But...but-" Hirschberg and Omar glanced at each other, smirked, and stared Smitty down. Being the youngest four basterds, the four of you acted much like annoying brothers. This was no exception.

You giggled, and blushed as you glanced shyly toward the sea, as Donny decided to put Smitty out of his misery. "Anybody seen Landa around?"

Hirschberg shrugged, annoyed that Donny had taken pity on Smitty and ended the fun.  "Who cares. Maybe he'll catch up in England."

Hugo smirked silently as he saw your face. He knew you were planning something.

And he kept quiet about it, just as he always had.

Aldo narrowed his eyes. Landa had orders to stay with the basterds, or the deal was off. And Landa was set on getting his immunnity, his medal, his money, and his property on Nantucket Island.

Something wasn't right.

There was no sign of Landa in the meeting in England, on the flight to DC, or in the debriefing, the interviews, or even when you all received the medal of honor.

You and the boys were lined up just before the ceremony.

Aldo sighed, his hands at his hips as he looked up the stage. "Wonder what the fuck happened to Landa."

Smitty saw Hugo smirk. "Oh god Hugo no...After war??? They'll get you for fucking murder!"

"I did nothing to him."

He glanced at you, and all the basterds turned their heads to you in unison, like sunflowers following the sun.

"Ok, ok..." you sighed, "Sometimes...Melatonin pills find their way into drinks... sometimes one too many keep you down for a while... And sometimes alarms don't go off." And sometimes, just every so often, the basterds get the last laugh.

Donny shook his head and laughed, "You fucken basterd, come here, kid!"  He threw an arm around you as he laughed "You always were a smart fucken kid."

They heard their names called from the stage. "These brave, selfless heroes gave it their all and ended the war. They were known as "the basterds" overseas. Lieutenant Aldo Raine. Sergeant Donovan Donowitz-"

The basterds started to chuckle and stifle their laughs as Donny sneered as the rest of you tried to compose yourselves as your names were called, and you approached the stage.

When it was over, there was a reception. You were mixed up with congressmen, senators, generals, celebrities, and the president himself.

You didn't bother going to a club to drink together. DC was teeming with reporters as well as cynics. Paris was enough...It had been a long war. It was time to rest.

It was time to say goodbye...

The next morning, you all stood together one last time at the airport, promising to call and write and meet up as soon as possible.

One last goodbye.

Aldo was going back up the Smoky Mountains, no more bootlegging. Donny was going home to Boston, swearing he'd be working his dad's barbershop the next morning. Hirschberg was going home to Chicago, back to his fiancee, with a box full of letters and his heart.  Wicki was going home to Florida. Everyone joked he liked it there because that was where old people retired to.  Hugo was hoping to find a better life in Seattle than he did in Germany. Omar was moving back home to Brooklyn, and hoping to finish studying. Smitty was going back to his parents in Manhattan, and getting his job back with the paper.

You were going home to Jersey. You hated the idea of taking back your old job as a secretary... You knew there was so much more to the world, to life... You looked back at Smitty. Part of life was falling in love, and fighting for what you believed in. But you were done fighting. You knew there would be plenty of fighting for jobs, boys coming home, demanding you go home. A part of you was done dreaming. Done fighting... You sighed, as you thought "Back to Jersey..." It used to be a joke between Omar and Smitty. They were the New York big-shots...and you were from Jersey... The basterds had split up. Everything was said and done... At last, everyone had gone their separate ways. You lived about a half hour away from Smitty, but your flight was  in a completely different terminal. Smitty and Omar were standing at the gate together. Omar looked at Smitty, "You really gonna let her go, just like that?" "There's nothing between us....There never was." Smitty sighed as he watched you walk away. Through the crowd and distance, he never lost sight of you. Your bright, cheery yellow dress drew his eyes to you... "Oh, buddy, ok. Listen..." Omar took a breath, trying to get it through Smitty's head,  "Literally everyone but you two knew something was goin' on between you." "W...what?" Omar buried his face in his palm in frustration, "Look...Go say goodbye, but the right way." "Right way?" "Fuck's sake, Smitty. Go fucking tell her you love her already!" Omar nudged Smitty forward...and Smitty had never been so terrified in his life. Not during Kino...

The only time that came close was when he first met you... "N-no...I can't, Omar, I-" Omar rolled his eyes. He cupped his hands around his lips, and called out your name, "Y/N!!! HEY, Y/N!" You turned around, and Smitty fell in love all over again. Omar nudged him again, took his duffel bag, and said "I'll give you some space, lover-boy. See you onboard." He started walking away, but turned around again, smirking, as you were just out of earshot, "And I want details, so make this good!" You stood in front of Smitty, your hands clasped in front of you, holding a coin purse. You had just about the right amount of change you needed to get from the airport in Jersey to your home in Union City. "Everything ok? Or is Omar being stupid again?" Smitty laughed a little, and you two just stood in a moment of awkward but knowing silence, You glanced away, and brushed some hair behind your ear. "W-well I guess I better get going...and you better make sure Omar doesn't get in any trouble." "Y/n...wait..." You turned back to look at him, "Yeah?" "Don't go..."

You raised your eyebrow, and tilted your head. You could tell something was going on, "Everything ok, Smitty?" He sighed, "I just...I didn't think the war would ever end...It's just been such a long time, I don't know what the rest of the world is like anymore." You nodded, "Yeah, I know..." He held his breath and blurted out, "I didn't think we'd ever have to say goodbye, Y/n." Your heart felt heavy. You'd been in denial. Every time one of the boys talked about going home, and ending the war, you couldn't help but steal a glance at Smitty, wondering what would become of the two of you. Unforgettable nights that never happened, dreams that never ended, and memories you wanted to make some day... You just never seemed the  have the time. "You ok, Smitty?" He looked up. You could see the heartbreak in his eyes. His voice was soft, and sincere. Not something you'd expect from a  New Yorker, but still... "I'm gonna miss you, Y/n, that's all..." He looked down as if he'd just said the most ridiculous thing. You smiled, and reached out for his hands, "Union City's just across the Hudson, you know." He smiled a little, but the look in his eyes told you everything on his mind. "It's not the same without you..." You smiled back at him. Your heart fluttered. This was your one and only chance. You ended the war, it was time to start something that was worth all you fought for. Goodbye didn't have to mean forever. You held Smitty by the lapel of his coat, and you kissed him. He smiled, his eyes full of love and wonder, as if he questioned whether or not that really just happened.

You whispered, "Meet me Friday night on Coney Island?" "F-Friday?" "Friday." You smiled, and he snapped out of it, smiling and nodding, in a daze as he managed to ask, "Seven work for you?" "Seven's just fine, Smitty." You gave his hand a reassuring squeeze, and made his heart skip a beat. He sighed with a smile, fully in love with you. More than ever. "See you there..." You winked at him, "Goodbye, Smitty..." He watched you walk away again. Walk away from war, and walking back into his life. 

Things were different... but they were going for the better for him. He heard Omar's pressing, almost panicky voice from the gate, "UTI COME ON, WE'RE BOARDING, YOU BASTERD!" Smitty chuckled to himself a little, 'some things never change...' He sighed as Omar bombarded him with questions as they walked to their seats. Through it all, Smitty couldn't help but smile. Especially when he looked out the window as the plane descended, and spotted the Hudson River... New starts weren't so bad after all.